#but my doctors an old man and hes already complained to me about my moms hypochondria so im not sure if that would work out lol

[gommyworm]

:^]

[22ayla19]

Jiyan x Pregnant! reader PART I

As the wife of a general, you rarely saw your husband at home, but even so, in those rare moments when you spend time together, you try to enjoy so as not to forget them. After all, no one knows whether tomorrow or the day after tomorrow your husband will be alive.

Once again you accompany your husband to the gate and sadly look back at his departing figure. The next time you see him, you're not sure. Maybe in a month, maybe in two or three. No matter how many months pass, you will still be waiting for Jiyan.

However, a week after your husband left, you began to feel sick in the morning. Without being stupid and remembering that about a week ago you had sex with Jiyan, this could mean that you are pregnant. Of course, you bought a pregnancy test and checked your guesses, which in the end turned out to be correct.

Not knowing what to do in such a situation, you went to the hospital where your mother-in-law works. She, as a doctor and as a woman who has gone through pregnancy, will be able to tell you what to do, because in the early stages there is a possibility of miscarriage, and given your position as the wife of a general, who often puts her life on the line on the battlefield, there may be a high probability of miscarriage. How are you worried about him?

- Hello, mom. How are you doing? - you asked after knocking in your mother-in-law’s office. You didn’t even call her mother-in-law or her name, because she became a real mother to you. You grew up without a mother who died during childbirth. She was in the care of her father. You didn’t complain about life, because others could have had it worse, but your father didn’t stay with you for long, he died a couple of years ago. And when you first met Jiyan’s mother, you cried because of how much you missed your mother. The woman warmed to you and accepted you as her daughter.

- (Y/N), dear! Come in, come in! I haven’t seen you like that for a long time,- the woman hugged you, to which you happily responded.

- Sorry for not visiting, it’s work,- you answered the woman guiltily.

- Don’t worry, you have your own life, that’s why it’s understandable that you’re busy, sit down.

After chatting a bit about Jiyan's return and the latest news, you gathered your strength to share the good news.

- Mom, I really came to you with good news, - rummaging in your bag, you pulled out a pregnancy test and handed it to your mother-in-law. At first the woman did not understand why you wanted to please her. Taking the pregnancy test into her own hands, the woman’s smile became even wider.

- Will I become a grandmother? - the mother-in-law asked, not believing the test.

- You will become a grandmother, - you answered calmly, but just as happily.

- My congratulations, dear! How happy I am for you! Does Jiyan even know?

- No, I just found out that I’m pregnant a couple of days ago, and he’s been gone for almost two weeks, - you explained. You were already about to say something, like advice for pregnant women, when your father-in-law came into the office.

- Why are you happy here without me? Did something good happen? - asked the man.

- Rejoice, old brat. You will become a grandfather! - the wife shouted joyfully.

- Come on! (Y/N), dear, are you really pregnant? - The man asked you, not believing his wife’s words.

- Yes, father. I am pregnant.

The man smiled with all his teeth and joyfully said that now his colleagues would envy him that he became a grandfather before them. We laughed a lot at the man’s words, but the uncertainty immediately disappeared when we saw their loving glances.

Over the next months, while Jiyan was away, his parents helped you in any way they could. The main thing was that they supported you morally, because you were still worried about your husband. Another point where they helped you was with a medical examination, you underwent it on their advice once or twice a month. You decided not to find out the sex of the child ahead of time, let it be a surprise for everyone, no matter who it is, a boy or a girl.

Soon it was announced that the general would return, which means he will soon find out that he will become a father. The belly has already become more noticeable, although this is not surprising considering that I am already 4 months pregnant.

It was evening outside, you were in the living room with your mother-in-law and were talking about different topics. She often came and helped around the house more than once, saying: “You’re in a position, so it’s better to rest and walk more. I’ll cook you delicious, but healthy food at the same time.”

While you were chatting, the front door opened.

- I’ll go check who’s there, - said the future grandmother.

You remained in the living room, sitting on the sofa. Expecting to hear at least some voices, but somehow everything was suspiciously quiet.

Meanwhile, in the corridor, the woman met her son, who had returned from the border zone. Jiyan wanted to ask what his mother was doing in his house, but she told him to remain silent and quietly, so that you wouldn’t hear, told him to go to the living room, where you had prepared a surprise for him.

Jiyan was confused, what have you prepared that even his mother is participating in your idea? Quietly entering the living room, he greeted you, thereby frightening you.

- I’m sorry, dear, that I scared you, - the general said guiltily.

- It’s okay, I’m glad you returned safe and sound,- you replied. Jiyan didn’t immediately realize that you were pregnant, because you covered your stomach with a blanket.

- Mom, she said that you had prepared a surprise for me. Curious to know what it is?

- Well, the surprise itself is not ready yet. It will be ready only after another 5 months, - you answered your husband with a mischievous smile.

- That is?

You didn’t leave your husband thinking for long and took off the blanket. Jiyan's eyes widened in surprise. He remembered leaving and leaving you for a couple of months, but he didn’t know you were pregnant.

-Are you pregnant? - A lot of emotions were reflected on the general’s face. And joy, and fear, and surprise. He did not expect that he would soon become a father, he was very happy to realize this, but with this comes fear. Fear of losing you and your unborn child.

- Yes darling. I am pregnant.

These words echoed in his mind. He cried, cried with happiness.

- Darling, you can’t imagine how happy I am. You made me the happiest person in the world, - hugging you and also crying, he thanked you for such wonderful news.

Maybe someday he will have to die on the battlefield, but until then, he will fight. To fight so that I can return home to Jinzhou and see you and your baby growing up every day.

[zzcrypticcoyotezz]

random jp headcanons lets gooo

gonna have lots of alan stuff because i have like. a whole backstory for him lol. he just like me fr so i get to make him trans and autistic.

this is mostly for before the events of JP1 and right after. ian doesn't know he's nonbinary yet. doesn't know until probably... after jp2 i think, when his books become more popular. so i'm gonna be referring to him as a man in this post. (see my post about my nonbinary/genderfluid ian headcanon if ur confused)

-

- ian makes jewelery as a hobby in his spare time. made his turquoise necklace himself. LOVES turquoise.

- ellie has a houseplant addiction. don't ever send her to home depot, she WILL rescue all of the succulents. and once they're healthy, she gifts them to her friends. alan complains and insists he can't take care of a plant, that he doesn't have a green thumb, that he would somehow kill it accidentally within a month. but every time ellie stops by his trailer to come and visit, she notices that little plant thriving, for years.

- alan hyperfocuses so much on his work that he often forgets about everything around him. he could sit in the dirt for hours without end picking at fossilized bones, scrutinizing every tiny detail. at least he remembers to stay hydrated, though, always has his water bottle with him. dehydration is no joke, kids! especially out in the desert!

- alan was raised in a rural christian family. they never understood him or any of his interests. in high school, he had a very kind geology teacher who happened to be gay. he helped alan figure out his identity and get into college to become a paleontologist. alan's parents ended up kicking him out on the morning of his 18th birthday, since he just couldn't be the perfect christian daughter they wanted. without the support of his teacher, alan would've never won a college grant, and he would've been homeless. alan truly put everything into his career. every single time alan tried to write a letter home to his parents, it would be returned unopened, so he had to give up. alan started testosterone at 20 years old, it took him two years to find a doctor willing to help.

- alan and ellie met in college. alan was already a few years into his studies by the time ellie got in. alan had never had very many friends in his life, he tended to keep to himself and work alone. ellie's persistence eventually paid off, and after an expedition to the hell creek formation with the rest of their class, he was impressed with her knowledge of mesozoic plant life, and they became good friends.

- a couple years into their friendship, they realized they both have feelings for each other. alan comes out to ellie, terrified she'll leave him, but she doesn't. she doesn't understand at first, but she tries to, and she does her research (she LOVES researching things). she ends up helping alan a lot, making him a couple of proper binders (no more bandages or tape!) and helps him do his testosterone shots.

- they've dated on and off for a long time before the events of JP1. however, the traumatic events of isla nublar were just too much and put a significant strain on their relationship. their feelings for each other never went away, but ellie just couldn't do dinosaurs anymore, after all she went through. she felt she needed normalcy, but alan is alan and he wouldn't be himself without dinosaurs. so they mutually called it off. and she also always wanted to be a mom. and alan insisted he couldn't, he could never provide her what she wanted. yes, there's other ways to conceive, but it's deeper than that. deep down, he was afraid of turning out like his own father. heartbroken, he had to tell ellie to move on and find someone better for herself. after she began dating mark, alan became distant and isolated himself.

- before ian came into the picture, the only person alan had ever dated was ellie. alan's old fashioned, he never thought that someone like him could also like men too. he'd always distanced himself from anything 'queer', more for his own safety than anything else. but he also struggled a lot with internalized homophobia and transphobia. he thought it was a sign of femininity and pushed aside his attraction to ian for a very long time.

- alan is definitely an unsafe binder. he would often just forget he's wearing it while he's out on a digsite. when ellie's around, she would often have to remind him to take breaks. but when it's just himself, he's stubborn (and extremely dysphoric) so he usually forces himself to power through the whole day, ignoring the discomfort. it's easy to ignore when you're uncovering the remains of long extinct animals.

- thanks to his digsite getting enough funding from hammond, alan finally manages to save enough money to get top surgery about a year after the events of jurassic park. ellie takes time off to help him through recovery, but after that, they unfortunately become distant again. he tells ian he's recovering from carpal tunnel surgery. ian knows he's not telling the full truth, alan is very easy to read, but he doesn't press for more, respecting the man's privacy.

- and yes, this means he was binding almost the entire time while on isla nublar. he was in survival mode, only focused on his own safety and lex and tims', and absolutely nobody could know he's trans, so his stubborn ass powered through it, adrenaline blurring any pain. by the time everyone was rescued and off the island, it turned out that alan had bruised and cracked his ribs.

- for a month after the isla nublar incident, alan and ellie stayed with ian, helping him through the worst of the healing process. there was no way they would leave him alone after such a horrific, life-changing leg injury. it was difficult for alan, juggling a sexuality crisis and having to hide his, well, transness, in another man's household, the same man who caused this sexuality crisis, but he made it work. the memory of that time is a huge blur to ian anyways thanks to the pain meds. during this time, the three began to feel something more for each other, but it remained unspoken. alan doesn't even know that there's anything other than monogamy. unfortunately in my headcanon dinot3 doesn't become real until dominion 💔 i'm a slut for slowburns lmfao

-

okay, this is all i'm gonna write for now! i'd love to hear anybody's thoughts on these. i love these bitches sm they live in my head rent free. honestly i've been tempted to like... make a fanfic rewriting jp1 but with my headcanons, but that's too much work and i have a very bad habit of starting projects and never finishing them 💀 so probably not gonna happen. it's also very difficult trying to find any resources about how life was like for trans men back in the 80s/90s.

[mr2swap]

After Christmas: 1

“Damn it, I can't take this one more day!” My father promised me that this would end today, that we would return to our original bodies, and we would never talk about everything that happened this winter vacation.

He has been putting off reversing the spell he “accidentally” cast on us so I can enjoy my youth for a couple of days. When mom left us my father looked so pathetic and sad, I thought that if I let him use my body for a day or two after Christmas it would be the most generous of me and the truth is I can fully understand why he did it ... his life is shit!

He was never able to finish high school for being an idiot, so all he could get was a 10-hour job as a low paid builder. Every day I wake up at morning, so I can start the day with 3 cups of coffee without sugar because “my” doctor told me that I had to watch my diet, some tasteless eggs and a couple of painkillers to be able to bear leaving the home without having to complain all day that I spend working under the sun.

At first, it was not so bad it was great to wake up in my father's room in his taller, stronger and older body, everything looked smaller especially my father who was now in my slim body of a 14-year-old boy, maybe it was the adrenaline rush and excitement that made me completely ignore the pain in my back and not have had a drop of coffee all day.

After confronting him and admitting that he was the cause that one day to the next he will wake up like a 48-year-old man we reached an agreement, we would return to our bodies once Christmas passed, I must admit that going out to do the shopping For Christmas dinner with my dad it was a lot of fun, we talked all day about everything I would have to do in his body, he even taught me how to drive, and he let me drink my first beer when we got home, I felt funny after empty a couple of cans, and it all seemed incredibly light especially with how big my arms are now.

But all the fun ended the next day, on Christmas Day as soon as I woke up again in this body you can understand why my father told me not to get too excited about drinking beer, I even think I was still a little drunk after drinking so much last night My head hurt like hell and the rest of my body didn't feel better, and I think for the first time I could understand why my father used to take those pills every day with his coffee.

While I was trying to go down the stairs carefully to have a lot of coffee that I now needed my father was already at the foot of the tree unwrapping the gifts that he had personally wrapped a couple of days before, when I realized what it was not I could believe it—DID YOU BUY ME A PS5?! — I quickly helped him connect it while he was just as excited as I was to play however I could see that there was only one control and after a short fight I decided I was too tired and screwed up to spend it all The day I was arguing over who would take the first turn playing and my head was killing me, I decided that I would play the next day once I returned to my young 14-year-old body.

However, the days have passed, and my father still does not break the spell, making excuses after excuses, and he doesn't even make an effort to lie to me during breakfast today. He told me, “have you started with that again? It starts to be annoying to hear you say the same thing every morning, “IT'S A SON OF A BITCH! Right now he must be on my first day of class pretending to be me and talking to my friends while I'm covered in sweat and dust, killing me at his shitty job.

I am doubting if one day I will recover my body, I have to find the spell that my father used to steal my life and be 14 years old again! … well I will do it tomorrow today Robert, a friend of my father from work invited me to drink a couple of beers on the way out of work, he said we had a lot of fun and was really pushy. I suppose there are good things about being an adult.

Hello! Happy New Year, this is the first story here on Tumblr, the second part and a short epilogue are on my patreon.

You can also join my discord server if you want to know the latest news of my stories or chat with me, Tumblr has me blocked or something and I can't receive messages, so discord is the only way to talk to me lol

[rigginsstreet]

first line analysis

tagged by @blood-mocha-latte

rules: post the first lines of up to 10 of your last fics/chapters posted on ao3 or your wips and try to draw some conclusions.

now you wanna try your life with sin

The bells over the entrance of Pop’s alert FP to the fact that there’s a new customer, but he doesn’t look up from his warm mug of black coffee - on the house, because Pop never lets him pay for anything, not when he comes in this late, especially not when he’s sporting a freshly blooming black eye or split lip or sometimes both. It’s neither tonight. Tonight he’s just… lonely. Not by any means, a new feeling for him, but sometimes it hits harder than others, especially now that he’s out on his own. Still beats living with his old man. He’s not complaining, it’s just, sometimes he needs to be around people. Even if it’s just Pop Tate. And whoever else is looking for company this side of the tracks so late at night.

2. on the back of a hurricane

61 days. That’s how long it’s been since Fred’s parents dropped him off in this place. What was only supposed to be a few weeks has turned into a few months, because the doctors don’t think he’s getting any better, haven’t seen any progress.

3. i carried you to the car and drove you home but you weren't making any sense.

It’s another party of the week, another reason to get shitfaced. Except this time Billy didn’t get the chance, because by the time he worked his way to his third beer, Steve had apparently decided to drown himself in the punch bowl, and, well, intervening needed to occur.

4. i know i must behave to contain all my emotion

Never again would Heather Teresa Holloway move across the country for a boy.

5. dreamed of all the different ways i had to make him glow

“My mom used to build blanket forts all the time,” Billy admits one night, out of the blue while he’s snuggled up against Steve’s side, cheek resting against his naked chest.

6. i want to tell you this story without having to confess anything.

It’s the third night this month Billy has shown up on his doorstep looking worse for wear. He’s lost track of how many times it’s been since they started being cordial to each other, before that made its way into something more serious, more all-consuming.

7. play time

Billy had this rule for himself: for every guy he hooked up with, he had to make a public spectacle of hooking up with a random girl. It helped ease any nerves he had about being found out. Make sure people see him acting like a heterosexual and no one will catch on that he’d rather be sucking dick. Balance out the universe a little bit.

8. parentdale tumblr drabbles

alice smith is about the last person gladys expects to see waltzing into the wyrm in the middle of the afternoon. not since she decided to abandon her club for the likes of her preppy ken doll boyfriend and all the other plastic neanderthals of the north side.

9. no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike

He wakes up on the forest floor, surrounded by trees and the chirping of early morning birds, naked as the day he was born. As he was last night, the last memory he has before everything just… went black.

10. come on baby let me see what you hiding underneath

The sun beats down hot over Hawkins. Another one of those brutal summer days that leaves you panting by the time it takes to walk down your driveway.

what ive learned from this (what i already knew tbh lmao) is that i like to just drop right into a story. no preamble lets just get right to the point lmao

tagging @harrygroves @thatgirlwithasquid @imsodishy

[knackfandomarchive]

could i ask for some lucas headcanons bc all of the ones you've posted so far are really cute lmao (he is my son)

Oh Bestie, you sweet-talker, you!

Umm... I'm so sorry; I had already talked about most of these before; I don't have much and only have like 15k words of prose across all my documents. I'm bringing these ideas up again mainly for context and in case some readers haven't seen them yet. This is sort of like an overview for the first segment of my story, and also some brief character analyses of certain scenes. I'm also not sure what would spoil my story or not.

I forgot how English works (and it's my only language).

Also this is depressing AF... I tried to put all the doom and gloom into this first part, so if anyone reading this wants to skip to the part that says, "I avoid giving Lucas any diagnosis..." then be my guest. It's. Half the post, tho.

And I'll post the art separately tomorrow, so people won't have to read the depressing stuff to see it.

With that, I can shakily point to a few foundational scenes I over-analyzed. Especially this one:

Where to start...

As we may recall in the first game, the Doctor complains to Ryder that it was easier to take care of Lucas when he was younger, and, "now he wants to know How and Why and debate everything. It's really quite trying at times."

This just sounds like puberty to me. Dad agreed; the Doctor probably received Lucas at a young, easy-to-please age and got used to that lifestyle. But as Lucas grew older, taking more independence, and forming his own opinions - normal development stuff - this resulted in conflict - the form of which I'm still unsure of.

So, I have Lucas lose his mom around eight years old. It's that vulnerable spot where he's old enough to remember her well, and young enough that he has little in the way of coping mechanisms. And while puberty is right around the corner, it gives the Doctor some time to know him before then.

Another thing to add, my Dad mentioned something Lucas said while reaching for his locket:

We're taking a literal approach to this. Not only is this device the last thing he has left of his mother, it's also the only thing he has left of his old life; all of his belongings had been destroyed or lost. We discussed possible causes, and I prefer something horrible and yet mundane. Not super newsworthy outside of his hometown. A fire, maybe?

Lucas needed a new home. And his father was never mentioned, which could mean anything (I haven't gotten around to that). In any case, they were not in the picture by this time. Next of kin would be Ryder or other family members.

We can recall Ryder in a later scene asking if Lucas wonders why the Doctor takes care of him, rather than Ryder doing so. Ryder explains his own unavailability as being very busy. I take this to mean two-fold: he was the only alternative when it came to raising Lucas, and it wasn't due to his capability to parent. So, if Lucas had other blood relatives, they never stepped up. Naturally, this results in Lucas feeling unwanted.

So many characters I need to get right... Lucas lost his mom, and Ryder lost his sister. Ryder may have thought himself and his life situation too unstable. Like he couldn't afford the responsibility on top of the grief and whatever else he had going on. Lucas stays with him for only as long as it takes to arrange a plan with the Doctor. I think Ryder might have some mental troubles of his own that would make raising a child difficult. But the Doctor isn't much better on that front.

Doctor Vargas seems to have had a lingering emotional wound since Charlotte disappeared, and based on vibes was likely a lonely, somewhat reserved man. But his living situation is the most stable, and he has kept it together for so long. And if he ever imagined having children, this would fill that need. So the arrangement - as my Dad suggested, and as I will have Ryder suggest - is a two birds, one stone kind of deal. The hope is that Doc and Lucas would help each other get better, and not worse.

Lucas is taken to the Doctor's Mansion, where Ryder will say goodbye. I have Ryder keep a stoic demeanor; he's trying to stay strong for Lucas. Even holding his breath to keep it from shuddering when they hug. But Lucas really could have benefitted from a more vulnerable moment with him, instead. Ryder is the one who gives Lucas the locket as a parting gift. Lucas begs him not to go, but Ryder can only say he's sorry.

I don't know the boy's educational situation exactly, but after that, his grades drop, he becomes more withdrawn, and his friends, if he has any, don't know how to help him. What are the chances they're mainly fair-weather friends, who go play with someone else when Lucas starts being a bummer? At least I haven't invented bullies to harass him on top of this. Actually, there's a chance that Lucas would be the bully, but I haven't decided.

Have I mentioned Lucas crying at night? He can just about gloomily keep it together during the day, but at night, when he's alone with his thoughts, he falls apart, and his crying soon wakes up the Doctor. Losing his mother and then feeling abandoned by his uncle and other relatives, it's a major blow to the self-esteem. And when his whole world is turned upside down in one fell swoop, it leaves him with a peculiar feeling.

Here is where I point out the next aspect:

Right here, this could have been the end of Lucas. And the Doctor can only watch him go. If I look at it from a more thematic view, Lucas's loss is so devastating to him that he'll clutch the memory of his mother and what he had before she died, at the expense of living himself.

So we have a semi-suicidal eight-year-old living with an older scientist and anyone else who lives in the same building. Scientists and their families from all over the world! I still don't know how the Doctor is going to take care of him. Lucas when he's older is grateful to the Doctor for taking him in, but doesn't seem to me to think of him as a father figure (but perhaps I just forgot something). And my grasp on the Doctor's character is extremely flimsy, despite him virtually being the protagonist of the first game.

I'm not sure how familiar Lucas is with Doctor Vargas. The boy's mom was a colleague, and Ryder trusts the Doctor a great deal, so at least they're not strangers. But Little Lucas might not have paid much attention to the Doctor. Maybe they played peek-a-boo a time or two. I can imagine a dark-haired toddler running under tables at company picnics or something. Doc might have showed him a couple neat gadgets or gifted him some. I dunno yet. What could be the KNACK-equivalent of a Game Boy?

During Lucas's crying spells, I kind of have the Doctor treat him like he's physically sick. Hold him while he cries, put a hand on his shoulder while he throws up, that sort of thing. Uhh, soup - in a big ol' thermos. Gotta stay hydrated and replenish those electrolytes.

Lucas crying and the Doctor consoling him is a regular occurrence for maybe a week or two, and the Doctor can't hide his exhaustion well. Still working out the details, but essentially Lucas doesn't really stop crying after that, he's just quieter about it and lies about it and Doctor Vargas doesn't press the issue. But the Doctor does worry. Lucas seems exhausted all the time, and when he's not hunched over and listless, or politely playing along with whatever to satisfy the grown-ups, he's throwing tantrums about the pointlessness of homework and anything else he doesn't want to do. I made that up. Sometimes he does still find joy in some things, and while it's temporary, it gives Doctor Vargas some hope.

The Doctor's thoughts, as they often do, turn to Charlotte, and how he felt after losing her. And what happened on that fateful day.

Lucas has a well-known love of puzzles. Because I want him to. And especially puzzles in video games. And what is science but a series of puzzles?

Before his mother's passing, I imagine Lucas enjoyed school and gained some reputation among his peers for being a nerdy kid and very smart. Naturally this would result in some peers getting close to him to improve their academic metrics or because they have similar interests. Maybe he has an interest in - the foundational stuff a seven-to-eight-year-old learns about - physics. I imagine he found his mommy's work very interesting and would ask her a lot of questions, sometimes rehashing the same ideas again and again (as my sibling did when they were little).

After she's gone, he still loves puzzles, but much like anything else, the experience of playing with them is tinged with regret. At the Doctor's place, I'm sure there are some other children and young folk living there, too, but I don't know how Lucas feels about them. I have to make so many characters...

I think Lucas would piece together some jigsaw puzzles in the lounge areas. And also slurp up much of the hot cocoa during winter time, but I digress.

Hmm. I need him to accumulate a small collection of toys, but I'm not sure yet who gives them to him and when. If he receives them all too soon and from strangers (scientists who find him endearing), he might feel sour about being pitied. At the same time, if he had a lot of toys before the fire, he'll sure miss their absence. Anyway, some things like: a small chess set, from which he'll lose some pieces, sidewalk chalk, a new gaming device with Tetris and a few other games on it, jump rope, a skateboard (actually a longboard), a Rubik's Cube, and some plushies. I want him to get the device and a plushy or two fairly quickly.

He mainly plays with the gaming device, and while it fills time and is entertaining, it does not fill the void. Still, the Doctor taps his shoulder one day.

"So. I heard you like puzzles?" Said more like a statement than a question.

Lucas doesn't fully understand the situation at first, on the order of a few hours or a day or so, when the Doctor shows him the orb. Doc tries to have a heart-to-heart moment with Lucas, but what the Doctor *says* reads like Chekhov's plasma cannon and I don't have the 'payoff' for that lined up, so I might change it.

But once it clicks for Lucas, it's like a switch is flipped. He smiles more and starts getting genuinely excited about things again. It helps that I had a pipe-dream of making Knack's puzzle a mini-game, so Lucas finds it fun. I'll want to add more to it, probably, depending on how I interpret Knack. I also have a headcanon that Knack's orb resembles a plasma globe in some tactile characteristic; Lucas likes to touch or hold it at every opportunity because it vaguely feels like something is going on in there. It's just so cool! The Doctor may or may not appreciate the novelty.

So it's like, Knack provides Lucas an opportunity to climb to his feet again. More indirectly than the screenshot, though.

I apparently got someone's game-play video confused for a trailer, and misinterpreted the YouTuber's voice as Lucas's voice, so one version of this post mentioned Knack having an incidental role of 'guardian' to Lucas. I still might want to play with that, though.

Anyway, if you're curious as to why Lucas finds the orb so much more satisfying than other puzzles, it's because of the angst. I had initially intended for Lucas to work on the project as something to distract him, much like any other puzzle, give him something to look forward to, and help him bond with Doctor Vargas. The Doctor himself hopes it can help the both of them move on from their losses, and hopes it can help him teach Lucas a thing or two.

But, somehow surprising even to me, Lucas seems to have taken it upon himself to solve this particular puzzle as a measure of value. If he can play a big part in solving it, and contribute to a grown-up scientific achievement, then he's worth all the trouble, right? Then he'll actually amount to something and be worth loving.

... I'm not sure what to say next except that I want to bonk him on the head with a paper towel roll and tell him he's being silly. And then give him a big hug.

At least he lets himself be happy again. In fact, his educational situation might flip from being too aloof to being too distracted. Doodling odd symbols in the margins of his homework and tapping his feet when he should be studying.

He still cries at night sometimes, though. Umm... trying to rack my brain here...

I avoid giving Lucas any diagnosis. Is this a bad idea? Would it be preferred I name his issues, and do research on them?

I kinda just make stuff up.

Okay, switching gears now. This part is more scattered because I don't know how to string the ideas together.

I think I mentioned the Doctor taking Lucas to places like museums and carnivals and aquariums.

Lucas might be prone to jealousy, at least when he is young, and becomes slightly possessive over the orb. This doesn't come up much beyond pressing his lips together, avoiding eye contact, and nursing a bitter feeling when the Doctor improves some experimental hardware without Lucas's prior knowledge. Lucas wonders if the Doctor had continued solving parts without him. Not sure if I should drop it.

Lucas is about ten years old by the time Knack is Manifested. I picked ten years old just 'cause that's about two years of working on the puzzle, enough time to build that machine. I don't want it to take too long or short because the puzzle I'm going with currently makes the Doctor look a bit stupid.

I have Lucas as twelve years old when the first game starts, because that's about middle-school age where the puberty does the things. And about 16 or so in the sequel, trying to balance the moved-out thing with the uncharacteristically immature behavior.

Also because Ava seems about 16 and Dad said that number makes sense for her role as a youth leader, and Ava and Lucas seem like peers. Man, they really flopped on the framing for the scene in this shot! I can hardly see Lucas at all with low brightness. Maybe it's different when you play it yourself.

Dad also told me something that I interpreted to mean most media is really bad at establishing ages. So I'm not sure what to do with that.

Anyway, ten years old.

I'm still not sure how, after the excitement of success subsides, Lucas will initially react to the creature made of stone. His reaction will probably depend on his background. Early drafts have him fed fairy tales that paint goblins unfavorably. And since the creature resembles a goblin in some aspects, Lucas freaks himself out or intimidates the little guy. But these drafts felt silly or off, because the creature is all smiles when he wakes up, and we know he's friendly. Also the Doctor just stands there. So I'll come up with something else, probably.

Regarding Knack's relationship with Lucas: When I see other people describe their relationship as sibling-like (a headcanon), they tend to position Knack as the elder. I may need to double-check; the fandom is pretty small and I haven't read much of the fanfictions. Another headcanon I saw a couple times is that Knack had been alive/conscious a long, long time ago.

But recently someone told me they interpret Lucas as the elder!

My interpretation is that Lucas steps up to that particular plate, first.

My idea goes: before anyone knows for sure that Knack's creature type also includes being a person, Lucas treats him a bit like a toddler and a pet, himself acting as the older brother and sorta babysitter. Still trying to decide if Knack knows he is a person at this stage... It seems like in both games, Lucas tends to talk to him like he's giving him a tutorial.

So I gotta figure out how the Doctor, Lucas, and some other folks turn a sweet little bean into the Knack we all know and love. And how Knack and the Doctor etc, do the same with Lucas.

Lucas is so silly!

I know you saw the one about the first night, Bestie [D;? but I'm not sure how to explain it concisely here. A lot of these I feel would be best shown in a comic series.

There is very much a theme of reciprocation in my story. That might be the wrong word. I'm thinking of familial affection. Lucas just doesn't get enough, and so, doing unto others as he would want to be treated, offers attention to Knack. What to list as examples... Reading him stories, nuzzling, very simple dancing. Probably more but I am my brain is made of Swiss cheese.

I did mention Knack being a sleepy baby on here at first, but I don't think I mentioned that Lucas worries if he's dying or something. It's like if you brought home a baby creature, but had no idea what it eats or needs to live, and then it acts groggier and less responsive, and can barely hold its head up... The Doctor kind of scoffs and says it's highly unlikely (not in a mean way), possibly thinking of Knack more like a device. But even if the Doctor is confident, Lucas isn't convinced. And Baby Knack doesn't know how to ask for what he needs, so he kind of furrows his brow and squints and makes little grumbling noises and like. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's like he kneads invisible dough or something? And he frequently glances up at Lucas or the Doctor.

Lucas tries really hard to not-cry and seem reasonable, but he can't help reaching out to pet the little guy's head. The creature responds very favorably, still sleepy. Leading Lucas to bring him into a hug, possibly picking him up. The creature is soothed by this, and after wrapping his arms around Lucas, he promptly falls asleep. Or something idk. Everything is a work in progress.

Knack occupies a weird role at first, and even later on occasion: something sort of like a pet, but not quite. Lucas is primarily the one who initiates the interactions like that, but sometimes the Doctor does as well. Knack himself does not understand until later.

I know it's silly to have Lucas pet him. He's basically a rock, even if he reminds me of a teddy bear sometimes. But look at that face! Lucas can feel warm and fuzzy just knowing that his little puzzle buddy likes him.

I also have Lucas very interested in Knack as a person, like how he's feeling and what he thinks. I think it would be funny if he gets good at reading Knack's body language, but not so good at interpreting his words sometimes. I'm kind of throwing out that scene in 2 where Knack gives Lucas an odd look for presuming what he's thinking and framing it as a 'talk'; if Lucas paid any attention to Knack, he would have done something like that a long time ago. And so I have him *do*: Early on, Lucas talks to the Doctor for Knack, like an untrained interpreter. And sometimes even airs his own grievances as if Knack is 'saying' so.

I mean, I *guess* I could have Lucas be oblivious to Knack's emotional situation unless it suits him, but then like. I dunno. That doesn't fit the little guy I made up so far. What feels more like Lucas?

Lucas sometimes imitates Knack's mannerisms and vice versa. Also expect recycled dialogue. I think Lucas vicariously experiences some adventure through Knack.

I still think Lucas gets swole by playing with Knack all the time.

Later, Knack and Lucas switch big-brother-little-brother roles based on the scene.

(I got this screenie from MoeePlays. The rest of the unwatermarked ones are from FullPlaythroughs.)

You may also see Knack playing the big-brother role while being Little Knack, if I can communicate that well enough. I think it's interesting. And the reverse.

Dad compared the way I describe Knack to Lennie Smalls in "Of Mice and Men", and suggested Lucas could be made somewhat like George. I must say, I hadn't read that story before then. So that was a wild ride! Now George, he's kind of prickly, which Lucas seems to be in the second game, but I'm a little hesitant. Dad also mentioned something about George's dream, and maybe Lucas could have something like that. I think I know what he means, and it's probably a reason I feel stuck in the 'ending' I had written; the dream feels impossible.

Jumping around again; if you were to talk to Lucas about Knack, and Knack was nowhere to be seen, Lucas would probably think of him as Little Knack. I looked too far into Lucas calling Knack "little buddy" at the start, and couldn't remember if Lucas called him something different later. I also interpreted this to mean Knack often hangs out with Lucas as Little Knack, which is supported by a brief shot or two in 1, and the title screen of 2.

Lucas considers Knack to be his achievement on some level. In fact, I consider this to be what he was alluding to in the museum in 2; that "without me, the Doctor would never have known-" how to bring Knack to life. I can imagine a young Lucas, when people are told that the Doctor had solved the puzzle and created Knack, saying quietly or thinking to himself, "*I* made this."

He goes back on that idea later. For Reasons. I might change that also, though. Then again, if I change the story every time I get caught and scraped up in a prickly patch, I wouldn't have much of a story anymore. I wouldn't necessarily say Lucas is naive. He's pretty smart and can sometimes pick up on things, but he can be willfully ignorant. If that doesn't make sense out of context, don't worry.

Changing the subject, Lucas kick-starts Knack's mischievous streak. He kind of teases him? Best example is the GIF I wanted to make but turned into a slideshow. In the garden, Lucas growls in jest at a Little Baby Knack, who reacts ferociously and growls back with rough red lettering, lifting his paws a bit and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Lucas laughs, delighted, and Baby Knack's expression shifts a little into amusement, before the GIF loops and they return to growling.

To clarify, Knack is playing, here. Although it does take him a few moments of fleeing and fawning to realize Oh, you're threatening me as a joke. Two can play at that game! Eventually, Lucas feels that Knack is acting too aggressive for his comfort, and, failing to notice that Knack is mirroring his own body language, worries he'll get a good punch to the gut. Or worse. He tries to de-escalate with the offer of a hug, which allows Baby Knack to play a mean prank.

And at one point I want Lucas to try smuggling Knack to school for the express purpose of scaring the crap out of Lucas's peers. For fun!

Another thing about how I wrote Lucas is that, when he is younger, at least, he isn't all that shy with Knack after like a day or so. I'm not sure how to say what I mean... It's like, Lucas has a tendency to get excited and touch, lightly pull, or grab Knack's arm(s), to get his attention, turn him around, or drag him somewhere. It's also a means of affection. He's gentle about it, but still. He isn't usually so grabby with other kids.

One of the things I considered playing with Knack is whether he might bite a family member when he is a 'baby'. But the more I think about it, the more the answer resounds no, he wouldn't. In one scene I wrote, Knack makes a non-lingual, idle threat (growling at him), but Lucas calls his bluff and takes something from him anyway. Lucas actually scoffs at him, incredulous.

Do not look to Lucas for guidance on how to treat children, animals, or operate heavy machinery.

Umm, what else. I bet Lucas would pass out if someone strokes his hair. First thing that comes to mind is Charlotte experimentally trying motherly things, feeling awkward about it and stopping. Lucas murmers something like, "You can keep going :)" Realizes what he just said, "I mean, if *you* want to," and scratches the back of his neck and looks away.

Along with a grappling hook (or maybe the Doctor gave him that), Ryder gives Lucas a butterfly knife for his twelfth birthday. This sounds very familiar to me, so either I thought about it before, it's practically canon, or someone else had mentioned it and I just can't remember. Or it could be a regular pocket knife.

At some point, to someone else, I have Doc describe Lucas as becoming more responsible since Knack came into his life. But of course, since the Doctor can never let Lucas have anything, he amends it with, "at times."

I also have this screenshot:

What was I going to put down for it...?

I remember seeing a review where someone mentioned this scene, gave an extremely reductive summary of it, and they thought "It plays out like a parody of kids movie/game “you-can-do-itism” but it’s not parodying anything in particular." I was rather miffed about that, to say the least; I thought this scene was a major characterization moment.

Lucas is curious/a scientist.

Knack puts so much faith in the Doctor that he limits himself. He also comes off like a major teacher's pet with his quoting ability.

The Doctor thinks himself so smart like he knows everything without testing it thoroughly. To the point where he has told Knack that he is incapable of something.

Lucas encourages Knack to try new things.

Not sure how to put this, but it comes up again in the Key Confrontation. Could be related to 4. Lucas is skeptical of the Doctor's authority and offers an opposing viewpoint. He prompts Knack to stop viewing the Doctor's words as gospel, at least temporarily. This is why I want Lucas and the Doctor to be/become foils in my story. Lucas sees himself in Knack.

Knack believes in the Doctor, sure. But he also trusts and believes in Lucas.

And one last thing, because I can't escape upsetting topics: there may be some parental favoritism going on between the Doctor and the boys. I loathe the idea, but it slots into my current framework with unfortunate agreement. I had a conversation with Dad about it, and he said, uhh trying to remember... it's a reasonable idea. He spoke of Lucas coming into his own and how it challenges the Doctor's ego, meanwhile Knack does whatever the Doctor says without question.

I don't think Lucas would resent or blame the Doctor's Greatest Creation, but it would impact his self-esteem. I don't know what that looks like yet.

Umm, I hope this was worth the wait; I had a lot of fun! I want to add more but I'm kind of scatter-brained. Also this is 4.6k words apparently.

[lilacponds]

my mom needs to stop willfully ignoring actual problems to be dramatic

me: yea i know my legs hurt because i havent really been walking a lot, but i cant walk a lot because my foot hurts, its a vicious cycle

my mom: OH SO NOW YOU CANT WALK? YOURE GONNA NEED A WHEELCHAIR?

and im just sitting here like why do you think i want to see a better doctor. do you think i have fun being in pain. and honestly? i would be lying if i said i havent thought about using a wheelchair in the future! its more trouble than its worth at the moment for multiple reasons, but if my pain gets worse and more constant? yeah, i wouldnt be surprised if one day i'd have to use a wheelchair.

nevermind that i already know i cant walk very far distances even with my cane. sure, the foot pain can be pretty random, but i know it'll definitely flare up if i walk too long, and there's a discussion to be had there that i'll make in a separate post with a readmore because it has triggering stuff.

if i had the money for a wheelchair, lived somewhere with an elevator (or on the ground floor), and my city's streets were better, i would be seriously considering it, you know? it's exhausting not being able to go outside because i know i'll be in pain.

i can't go to the library. you know that? i want to go so bad, sometimes. or even to the promenade, near the beach, just be where the life is - i mean, i can if i pay for a bus ticket. but able-bodied people have access to these places for free because they can walk. it's not the distance - not really - it's the overpass. bridge? it goes over a canal and the train tracks. its between my house and where the life is. sure, this side of the overpass has people, schools, stores - but there's nothing for me here. its not where people hang out, just where they pass by. theres nothing here. but oh, on the other side of the overpass? thats my terabithia. theres way more shops full with curios that are fun just to look at. there are so many people to watch! there are seagulls and pigeons hopping around, there's the bookshop you can always stop in without buying something just to see whats new on the shelves, theres the beach, and the sea, and the pier! (if we want to dip into money talk, there's the best granita ever on that pier as well, and an arcade. an arcade! thats the only arcade ive ever seen) theres the library, and sometimes, sometimes theres people having fun on the streets. theres this one guy who likes to hang around, and he makes giant soap bubbles, and he entertains children and adults alike. one shop he was near once tried to complain about him and get him sent away, and people flocked together to support him. i was there, with my own little bubbles, just like many others, and we all blew bubbles together with him. (that shop closed, later. unsure how related the two things were, but the nice old man is still there sometimes, blowing bubbles and making children laugh.) i saw a small circus-like parade, once - so many people, but i remember a man in stilts and i remember looking up, and i remember the joy in my heart.

theres life over there.

and im poor and disabled. and im stuck over here.

[tnystrk-exe]

Estocolmo

Hannibal x Reader

Masterpost

Warnings: Smut 18+ thigh riding, fingering, oral, daddy kink, plot to make up for my first attempt at writing smut.

Word count: 6.8k

Chapter One

“Fucking hell.” You sighed as you looked at the still tall stack of essays that needed grading. “I’m never getting through this.”

Your stomach grumbled, signaling it was time for a break. Stretching, the quiet was interrupted by the sound of your bone’s protest from sitting in one position for hours. It was nights like these you had regretted your choices. Sure you had known Professor Jacob loved to torture his students with too much work, but when you took the job as his assistant you assumed that he’d shoulder some of the weight. A ridiculous thought now that you’ve experienced working with him. Why should he even think of grading an assignment when he had a perfect little lackey doing it for him? That was a non question. He had been strict about the work not leaving his office, which meant you had accidentally fallen asleep in his office more than often than you would have liked. The pile of work never seemed to diminish. 

Walking out the office, you thought briefly of the joy you would feel when you’d never have to see it again. These long corridors would be a thing of the past in just a few, short months. Then you’d probably go to the city and struggle for a while but at least you would be free from here. As much as you prided yourself for getting through the first round of college, the walls of the building gave you more of an annoyed feeling than anything. 

Pushing open the door to the teachers lounge, you made a beeline for the fridge. The leftover pizza already seemed like a feast until you noticed it was nowhere to be seen. “Hannibal,” you whined to the empty room as you closed the fridge. 

“Yes, darling?” 

You startled, immediately turning around to face him, a mischievous smile was plastered on his lips. Usually your missing dinner meant to head over to his office. It wasn’t typical, but the two of you had managed a comfortable friendship between the shared late nights. Though, you suspected he’d stay longer than necessary to accompany you in the empty building. “Would you mind telling me where my dinner went, handsome?” You asked, raising a brow at him.

“Old pizza can hardly be considered dinner. Come,” he motioned to sit next to him at the table, “I’ve got a better meal prepared for you nonetheless.”

“Or maybe you just need to learn to appreciate the simple things,” you quipped as you took your seat.

“And you, the finer.”

You gave him an obvious look over, “I’d say I appreciate you plenty enough.” 

Being so forward wasn’t usually in your cards. However Hannibal had always been a gentleman and it had been fun to tease at him a bit. He never complained, often just acknowledging what you said with a raised brow or chuckle. Still there was always some truth in jokes and you’d be lying to say that he was anything less than tempting. Especially in the dark grey suit and dried blood red shirt of his. ‘No’ wouldn’t come to mind if he ever offered.

“Naughty, Miss LN,” he chided you, “What shall we do with you?”

“What do you want to do with me?”

“Eat your dinner,” he said, humor in his voice as he shook his head.

You choked back a comment about him just wanting to see your mouth stuffed, deciding it was too much of a push. Instead you just opened the lunchbox he placed in front of you. Hannibal watched you expectantly as you took a bite of the meat.

Closing your eyes, you savored the bite. It had been a while since you had something home cooked. “Han... I’m going to miss you most. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you. Delicious, as always.”

“I’m sure you’ll do just fine.” He went back to work on his own stack of papers as you ate. “Though, I’m not sure I’m ready to allow you to live off street food once we part.”

“Guess we’re gonna have to find me another man that insists on throwing away my perfectly good food to serve me home cooked meals.”

Hannibal left some remarks on a paper before pushing it to the side. “You could always come learn a few things. Maybe I’ll rest better knowing you know how to make yourself a couple of decent meals. Any guesses for the meat?”

It was a strange guessing game, but you indulged him, he was just eccentric. “Oh, definitely human,” you teased, making sure to pick up some spinach and artichoke in the next bite, “Probably had a boring name like David.”

“Close. It was Richard,” he corrected. 

“Beef, it was the Rolex of all farm animals hand picked by you and I’m very grateful you shared some with me,” you smiled at him, “So how are things going with Baltimore?”

“I’ve found a beautiful home. The office, however, seems to be harder to find.”

“I’m sure you’ll find the perfect one.” Your phone started ringing. Grabbing it from your pocket, you looked at the screen. Mom. “They’re making this unnecessarily difficult,” you sighed to yourself. 

Hannibal looked at you with peaked interest as you shut off your phone and pushed it away. “Is something troubling you?”

“My parents aren’t taking too kindly to the no contact rule. It’s the tenth call today.”

“You’ve cut them off?”

“I thought about what you had said,” you shrugged, “I’m tired of always having to get them out of troubles and be their ATM when I don’t have enough for myself. It’s just too much on me right now. Between school assignments, Jacob’s work pile, and my other part time, it’s all just suffocating. They keep trying to use my grandfather’s death as a leverage to make me feel bad about not talking to them now, but they just want some money. I don’t want to feel guilty about this but I can’t help it.”

“Don’t,” he placed his hand over yours, “You deserve to feel taken care of and appreciated. They aren’t providing you with that now. Especially now when they use the death of the person who raised you as leverage,” he shook his head, making a disgusted sound, “It’s for your own well-being that you take some time to breathe and be young. They provide too much stress…” Hannibal fell silent. “I’ve suggested this before but i-“

You gave his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling away. “I’m not taking your money. We’re friends. Money complicates things. Muddies the waters.”

“Friends help each other,” he reminded you, “I’ve already told you I wouldn’t want any payment.”

“But I’d still feel like I owe you.” You shook your head, “It wouldn’t feel right to me. I’m fine. I promise. Though, if you’re so willing to help me with something, I wouldn’t say no to those cooking lessons. They could be fun.”

He spared you a smile, “It would be my pleasure to teach you what I know.”

“And I’d never deny your pleasure,” your mouth spoke before you could think about it, “Sorry.”

“I don’t deny myself pleasure either,” he said, amused. “You’re fine. Now, how about we meet on Sunday? I’ll have time to figure out a full meal and gather all of the ingredients.”

“Great!” You ignored the heat that still lingered on your face, “I- um, do you need me to bring anything?”

“Nothing at all, I’ll make sure to take care of everything. All you need to do, sweet girl, is bring yourself and an appetite.”

You stifled a pleased smile at the term of affection. “I’ll make sure to do that,” sparing a glance to the clock, you frowned, “I should probably get back to work on those essays.”

“Why don’t we work on them together?” He suggested. “My colleague is notorious for drowning you in his work. I can help you sort through it all and you can have a restful Saturday without Micheal’s added stress.”

“I really can’t ask that of you. You already have enough work as it is.”

“We’ll work together. First your work, then mine. What happened to never denying my pleasure?” 

Your eyes widened, but you laughed all the same. Maybe a while more in his company wouldn’t be so bad. “Fine. Hold me to my words, but it’s only going to cause you a headache. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. These new kids are… something else.”

“They’re nothing,” he stood, grabbing his papers in one hand, “Meet me in my office. We can be more comfortable there and I may have stowed away a bottle of wine.”

“What would I do without you Doctor Lecter?”

-

“You have arrived at your destination,” the robotic voice informed you as you parked.

You took in the mansion of a home. It was too big for someone that lived alone. The thought made you shiver. Homes should be filled with life, not empty space. Then again, he was a fan of dinner parties, extravagant ones at that, so you supposed there was life in those walls on occasion. The home itself reminded you of the houses in old movies. Ones where the lightning would strike at just the right moment as a warning to stay away. But this was real life and there was no lightning, just a sun setting on a near perfect day. 

Without a warning telling you to keep away, you grabbed the gift bag and stepped out of your car. He had said to bring nothing, but you couldn’t resist a simple gift. The ties in the bag had taken out a decent chunk from your pocket, but he deserved them. Between agreeing to give you cooking lessons and helping you out with grading every so often, the simple pieces of fabric meant nothing. Besides, it was a two way gift, he’d get more of the patterned ties he was fond of and you’d get to see him in the darker colors you liked on him, knowing he’d feel compelled to wear them to show you his gratitude.

Knocking on the door, you waited a couple of minutes before he emerged. “YN, just in time. Please, come in,” he stepped to the side, “I’ve looked forward to this all day.”

You smiled and stepped past him. “I have too. Entertained myself a bit today by finding you a gift.” 

“Darling, you shouldn’t have.”

Nervousness bit at you slightly, a bit self conscious they’d be too cheap for his taste. Too late to back out of it, you handed over the bag. “You’ve always been so kind and I really appreciate everything. Let me do something for you.”

He set the bag on the nearby table, laying out the ties to get a better look at them.  “They’re all lovely,” he ran a finger across the fabric of a maroon one, “Fond of me in darker colors, YN?”

“What can I say?” You shrugged, “We catch ourselves spending a lot of time together. Why not make you a decent piece of eye candy?”

“Inappropriate,” he chided you, before signaling you to follow after him.

“You just wear them so well, Doctor Lecter.”

Shrugging off his navy suit coat, he draped it over a chair, making quick work of rolling up his sleeves. “Ready to get your hands dirty, my little sous-chef?”

“What are we making?” You asked, looking at his kitchen wide eyed. It was definitely bigger than your measly studio apartment. 

“Frisee aux lardons, duck with a pomegranate-citrus glaze. I took the liberty of preparing a blood orange sorbet for dessert.”

“I have a proposal.”

“Yes?”

“We don’t do any of that and just have dessert for dinner.”

“No,” he gave you an amused glance, “There’s more pleasure in waiting for things. Why don’t you start washing up the vegetables and I’ll start preparing the duck?”

You stuck your tongue out at his back but set to your work. “This is what I get for befriending a charming old guy.”

“Keep going the way you are and our next meal together will be langue d’Agneau en papillote.”

“That can’t be a threat if I don’t know what that means,” you quipped, setting aside an endive. 

“It means, darling,” he pointed his knife at you, “The fondness I feel for you is an inconvenience. Nonetheless, it’s welcomed.”

You smiled at him brightly, as you brought the washed vegetables over to him. “I’m fond of you too, but you gotta stop flirting and teach me how we’re gonna cook Daffy here.”

He motioned for you to grab a cutting board and a knife of your own. The two of you worked in quiet harmony, occasionally he’d tell you exactly why he was doing something a certain way or just give you simple instructions and let you have a hands on feel of exactly how to prepare something. It was nice to see him in his element. Hannibal seemed much more content in his kitchen than any where you had seen him at the college. Eventually he set his work to the side and washed his hands. 

“You’re cutting them too thick. Thinner is better for this dish.” He stepped behind you, “Do you mind?”

“Go ahead.” You attempted to move to the side, but Hannibal had already caged you in between himself and the counter. His cologne was different from the one you were accustomed to him wearing, but the subtle spice of it gave a more homey feeling to him. 

Hannibal grabbed your hand that had yet to  let go of the knife. He made sure to show you how to cut them the right thickness. “See? A little thing can unbalance everything.”

“Hm,” you hummed, catching yourself relaxed against the man, his frame strong against yours, “I don’t see much of a difference. Pretty sure this is just your variation of a putter.”

“You assume I have hidden motives,” He acknowledged, looking down at you, “And if there were any?”

Taking the bait, you pressed a kiss to the side of his jaw. “I wouldn’t be too upset.”

His head dipped into your shoulder, taking in a breath. “What happened to not wanting to bring on complications in our friendship?”

“We only have weeks left with each other,” you shrugged, “There wouldn’t be any complications. Not really.”

“We really should get back to making our dinner, darling,” he sighed, almost seeming reluctant to pull away, “What else did you did you do today?””

It took you a second to respond, still shaking off the embarrassment. You weren’t sure what had compelled you to do that. When you looked up at him you grimaced. Grabbing a napkin, you carefully wiped away the lingering lipstick. “The ties were the more interesting part of the day, I didn’t plan anything eventful. Honestly most of my day was taken with trying to recall the shop you mentioned that carried the ones you liked.”

He hummed in appreciation, “You also managed to pick out two I have had my eye on. I’ve got new suits coming in soon that will pair perfectly.”

You beamed at that, happy he did actually like what you had chosen. “Lucky guess. It was difficult remembering the ones I had seen you wear.”

Hannibal made to grab some ingredients and set them on the counter near the stove. “Have your parents tried calling you this weekend?”

You sighed, sure you didn’t have to tell him the truth but you wanted to, he had a compelling thing to him that made it easy to just speak. “I sent them money for rent. Which was honestly the dumbest thing I’ve done in a while.”

“It wasn’t idiotic,” he stated, setting to work on making the pomegranate sauce as you watched, “They’re you’re parents. It’s only natural you worry about them. Though, I do worry they’ll think of you as a person that doesn’t stick to her word.”

“I know, I really meant to, but the thought of them out on the street. It’s not my responsibility, but I’m just so used to being their adult.”

“It’s difficult to detransition. You worry for them as they should worry for you.”  He checked over a pan he had been heating, “That’s perfect. If you could please..” Grabbing the plate with the duck you set them on the pan. “With duck it’s important to render off the fat. A low heat is necessary.”

You nodded, “Low and slow, got it... You know, I’m not sure they worry about me at all. I mean- I know they don’t. It should hurt, but it’s just a fact of life.”

“They didn’t give you an opportunity to be a child. When you were supposed to be in the most carefree moments of your life, they burdened you with the responsibilities of an adult.” He held out a spoon with some of the pomegranate sauce for you to taste. “Any pain the notion inflicted on you has been killed with time.”

“There are still moments though. Suppose that’s common enough, isn’t it Doc?” You leaned in, allowing him to feed you, “That tastes amazing. I really should have paid attention.”

“It’s simple, I’ll write it out for you later.” Casting the sauce aside, he set a pot of water to boil. “Very common. We aren’t too dissimilar when it comes to how quickly we had to grow up. Very different reasons, but the fall out isn’t much different. Our paths left us in places where we’re very much alone.”

“What happened?” You asked, realizing that he had known a great deal of your family and you had known nothing more past how his day had gone or his preference of coffee. “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I don’t.” Hannibal went to fill two glasses with wine. “I was very young when my parents died. My father had implemented in me that, if anything were to happen, I was to take care of my mother and sister. Which meant I had grown fiercely protective of Mischa when the time came. Soon I was acting more as her father than a brother.”

“Where’s Mischa now?” You asked, knowing at the very least she had to be in her late twenties.

His lips set into a frown, he took a quick drink. “Lost her sometime after. There was a lapse of judgement on my part and she suffered because of it. My days have often been shrouded by the thought that I could have done better by her. The ways I failed burdens me significantly.”

You rubbed his arm sympathetically. “I couldn’t even begin to imagine that pain.”

“It’s something I never wish to experience again. Losing someone you love so dearly, it changes a person.”

“I’m sure you tried your best. You’re a good man. I’m sorry you had to go through all of that when you were so young.”

“You think too highly of me,” he patted your hand on his arm, “Far better than I deserve. Still if my childhood had taught me anything, it’s to value those I hold dear. Such as yourself.” 

“I’m glad we found each other. Even if it is for a short while.” You watched as he stepped back into the rhythm of cooking. Maybe you weren’t any help to him but watching him work was comforting. 

He raised a brow, “Just because the amount of time we physically see each other will diminish, doesn’t mean we need to completely break apart. I’d like to have you at my dinner table later in life.”

“I’d like it if we kept in touch,” you replied, looking at a small box on the counter. The small black beads glimmered in the light, calling at you to take a peek. A neat row of recipe cards in his impeccable penmanship, numbered as high as 120 but there could have been more. “That’s sweet,” you mused, looking at the back of a card, noticing a couple had business cards on them, “You keep track of your friends’ favorites like this?”

“Friends, acquaintances, business partners. It’s difficult remembering everyone’s preferences. When I have dinner parties I like to make sure there’s a bit of something for everyone.”

“Hm, well I’m sorry I don’t have a card for you to have.”

When everything was said and done, you helped Hannibal set up the plates to have dinner. The conversation became light as you laughed along to the better memories of Mischa. From his smile it was easy to see he adored the usually shy girl. You never pressed on to find out how she died, simply choosing to bask in his soft smiles and laughter instead of entertaining curiosity. It was easy to see he rarely talked about her and you were grateful that he found that much comfort in you.

Some time later he was sitting at his harpsichord, playing a self composed melody as you browsed his shelves. There was an almost familiar calm in the air, like this was a usual happening and it would simply just happen again. A naturally reoccurring moment. You found comfort in his presence too. 

You looked up from the shelves when you heard his sigh. “I can’t seem to master this melody,” he stated, “The ending never sounds right.” The annoyed demeanor contradicted his lax look. At least lax for him. His vest and suit jacket had been discarded a while ago leaving him with a popped button, loosened tie, and rolled up sleeves. “I may just leave this one in the air.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” you said, walking over to him, “Though we can be our own worst critics. I know I’m mine.”

“It sounds… forced. Almost as if it’s reluctant to work with me.”

“Forced things just need time.” You placed your hand on his shoulders, digging in your thumbs to relieve the tension you felt. A soft groan as he let his head lull back to rest against your stomach. “Time is all you need sometimes. I thought you would have learned that already, old man.”

He opened his eyes, raising a brow at you. “Always with that mouth.”

You smiled down on him fondly, something- probably the wine in your system -thought about pressing a kiss to his forehead right then. “What can I say? It has a mind of its own.”

“I do prefer when it’s otherwise occupied,” he stated, closing his eyes again.

Your fingers dug a little deeper at that, caught off guard. “And yet.”

Hannibal played a couple soft notes, seemingly testing the waters for his next attempt at getting it to sound right. “And yet.” The first melody seemed almost innocent, but was followed by a second seemingly stalking after it. “Would you mind putting on a record? It seemed I’ve grown bored with music of my own.”

“Sure thing, Han.” Giving his shoulders one final squeeze you pulled away from him. At the record table you browsed through his selection. Hannibal was still composing as you decided to go with a record that looked more worn than the others, figuring something well loved would help him out of his frustrated state. Setting it on the platter, you gave it a brief once over with the anti static brush, knowing he’d probably be attentive to that type of thing, and dropped the needle. The music filled the air as you took in the melody. “Very you.”

He let out a soft chuckle, abandoning the harpsichord, in favor walking over to you. “Very me, indeed.” Hannibal took the record sleeve out of your hand, setting it down on the table. The music’s build up reached. “Would you give me the honor?” His hand was stretched out toward you.

You gave him a sheepish smile, “Afraid I’m going to have to disappoint. I’m not much of a dancer.”

“I’ve been told I’m a wonderful teacher,” he pressed, a charming smile on his lips, “We all start somewhere. Let me be yours.”

A soft laugh bubbled from you as you took in his look of boyish excitement. “You’re not allowed to complain when I step on your toes.” You placed your hand in his. 

He gave a gentle squeeze to your hand. “If you’re too terrible, I’ll show you the way I taught Mischa. You can stand on my toes as I try to help you commit the movements into muscle memory.”

“Handsome and a comedian.”

“I try my best.” Hannibal gave you a gentle spin as he pulled you closer. A kiss was pressed to your hand before he placed it on his shoulder. “Now, just follow after me,” he instructed, placing his hand on your hip.

The moment could have made you fall for the man as you danced with him throughout the room. Toothy smiles and teasing winks were sent your way the couple of times you stepped on his toe. Soon enough, you figured out the pace and learned how to follow through with his unspoken plans. Still, ever the novice, you managed to place your foot in a way that sent you both stumbling to the floor.

Hannibal held you close to his chest, ensuring you didn’t get hurt in the fall. “Oh my sweet girl,” he laughed, “we are going to need more practice.”

You hid your face against his neck, ignoring the fact that he could feel how hot your face was getting. “You want more of that?”

“You were doing perfect, YN,” he stroked your hair sympathetically, “One misstep isn’t something to be embarrassed about.”

Taking a deep breath, you shifted off of the older man, opting to sit beside him on the floor. Hannibal followed suit, leaning back on his elbows. “I really am going to miss seeing you regularly,” you admitted, reaching out your hand to push back the hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. 

“We spend much of our time together,” he acknowledged as he looked at you curiously. “In the kitchen-“

Your eyes widened slightly, “We don’t need to talk about that i-it’s fine. No hard feelings.”

“Romantically or physically?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Do you see me as a romantic or physical conquest?”

“I, um,” you opted to look at your fumbling hands, “I’m honestly not sure about romance… especially considering… everything and my experience when it comes to romance. Never really thought past- I’m talking too much.”

Hannibal’s hand tilted your chin up, forcing you to look him in the eye. “Oh? What happened to the confident girl in the kitchen? Don’t go shy on me now.”

“I was high on your cologne, you can hardly blame me,” you rambled, “It pairs with mine nicely I think.”

His thumb stroked absentmindedly at your jaw. “Such a sweet little thing you are… Now, tell me, YN, what couldn’t you think past?”

“You,” you offered lamely, “Mostly nights when I needed to relax. You’d cross my mind. I’d wonder how you felt. How’d you do things. Maybe you’d like to leave bruises only you’d ever know about…”

“There’s something special in knowing what others don’t,” Hannibal acknowledged, “I do enjoy my lovers wearing my marks, hidden from others view and only acknowledged by myself. As it should be, I’m certain you agree.”

You swallowed thickly at the implication of being marked as his solely. The idea of having normal conversations with him at the college with evidence of him knowing you well burned against your skin. Maybe you’d see if you could convince him into one particular fantasy Friday night had conjured. 

He rested his thumb against your bottom lip, bringing you back to him. “I’ve had thoughts of my own… I wonder… Have you ever wrapped a hand around your own neck?” Hannibal smirked at the way your lips parted in surprise as he felt the heat rise to your face, caught in a way you hadn’t expected. “Sweet girl, were you desperate for me?”

You went to lick your bottom lip out of habit, instead finding the pad of his thumb. “Yes, sir.”

“Darling,” he sighed out softly, almost disappointed, “we could have sorted you out this entire time, if you’d only ask politely. There would have been no need for you to imagine, creative as you might have been. You always put everyone’s needs before yours, but where does that leave you?” Hannibal his thumb pressed against your lips lightly, humming in satisfaction when you let him in, already so compliant. “All you have to do is ask. What would you have me do tonight?” A soft pop sounded in the room as he pulled his thumb back, smearing your spit onto your lips and chin. 

“Just tonight?” The words rolled out of your mouth thoughtlessly. 

A soft laugh. “Maybe more, if you behave.”

Hannibal threaded his hand into your hair, pulling your head back slightly. Leaning closer he took a deep breath, taking you in, before leaving a simple kiss against your neck. His warm breath fanned across your face as he kept you in anticipation. Finally he graced you with a feather light kiss, so quick you weren’t sure you even noticed. You didn’t have time to feel ashamed of the whine that had escaped when he started to move away. Following after him, you caught him in an urgent kiss, threading your own hands in his hair to make sure he’d stay close. Hannibal bit at your bottom lip, his tongue sliding in the second you gasped. You ignored the sting and slight coppery taste. 

Sure you had had your fair share of ventures. It was only natural to crave the attention for the night or a couple hours. However, Hannibal didn’t feel like any of your past partners. His kiss was unrelenting and passionate. Quickly he learned exactly how to kiss you to ensure you’d moan into his mouth. You weren’t sure how long had been spent like this. Lips on lips. Someone’s wandering hand trailing down the other’s body. The growing need. Every movement slowly became bolder. Hannibal took the time to pull you onto his thigh, closing the distance between you even more. He kissed along your neck until he found a spot that made you buck against him. 

“Please,” you sighed out, not really knowing exactly what you wanted, but having faith that he’d give you just what you needed. 

Hannibal leaned his forehead against yours, “Are you sure about this, darling?” 

It wasn’t time for contemplation though, everything was already set into motion. He had just asked out of politeness. His hands moved to your hips, he dragged you against himself in a way that clouded your mind. “You’re very convincing,” you said with a shuddered breath. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you matched his rhythm. At the moment everything in the world was him and you couldn’t find it in you to mind. 

“You came to me,” he pointed out. His hand tugged at your shirt and you allowed him to pull it off. Fingers raised goose bumps along your skin as he followed the fabric of your bra to unclasp the material.  

“Could you blame me?” You kissed the side of his jaw for the second time this night. The lipstick mark left behind wasn’t as embarrassing when you were half undressed on his lap. A blush blossomed in your chest as you watched his darken eyes take you in.

Hannibal kissed along your chest. His hand made its way into your pants, drawing slow circles on your clit. Your soft moan and jut of your hips urged him for more. Before you could ask, he thrusted two fingers inside of you, the pace changing every so often as he took in your reactions. You leaned your head against his shoulder as you grinded against his hand. Soft whimpers were muffled by the fabric of his shirt. 

“Come on sweet girl,” he used his free hand to pull you off of his shoulder by the hair, “you shouldn’t be hiding. Look at me when I’m touching you. Don’t you want to be my good toy?”

You nodded meekly, unable to make a smart comment when you saw a smirk settle on his lips as a too loud moan took its place. 

“That’s it, no one can hear you,” he teased as he worked at the spot harder, his thumb rubbed at your clit. “You seem very close, what if I…”

As he went to move his hand, you grabbed his wrist to stop him. “No, no, no. Please, I’ll be good for you.”

He chuckled, but didn’t say a word as he brought his pace back up. Instead he chose to revel in your soft sounds and the way you had to focus to keep your eyes on him. Finally, he decided keeping you on the edge was enough and allowed you to cum on his fingers. 

“Clean up your mess,” he said as he thrusted his cum coated fingers into your mouth, “There you go, good girl.”

You watched him as you sucked his fingers clean. Bringing a hand down you palmed cock through his pants, fully intending on returning the favor. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

“I’m afraid that status isn’t going to change anytime soon.” Hannibal kissed your pouted lip. “Don’t worry, I fully intend on taking care of you. Come, let’s make you more comfortable.”

As he stood, Hannibal offered you his hand to help you up. You followed him through the home to his bedroom, a place you didn’t think you’d end up but were more than pleased to see. Still you weren’t exactly taking in the sights when you were pulled into a rougher kiss as he led you toward his bed. A not too gentle push to your chest landed you on top of it. Leaning back on your elbows, you watched as Hannibal took his time undressing you fully. 

“You don’t play fair,” you complained, shifting yourself higher on the bed, away from him, “I like a pretty view too you know.”

He smiled, looking down at you fondly, “Very well, but only as a reward for earlier. I know you struggled.”

You smiled at that, shaking your head, “Come here won’t you?”

There wasn’t any time wasted when he settled on top of you, you didn’t have his patience. Your hands worked on his tie and buttons as his lips and teeth trailed across your chest. A subtle grind against your pussy had your thighs squeeze his waist. Pushing his shirt off, you felt down his chest, still surprised by how muscular he seemed to be underneath it all. You wondered if he’d stop you as you reached for his belt.

“That’s enough. I don’t think you’ve earned it just yet.”

An annoyed huff was all you could manage. 

“All in its time, darling.” A surprisingly gentle kiss was dropped on your cheek. “Can you manage waiting a while longer for me?”

You resisted the urge to nuzzle against him, unused to such soft displays from past partners. “Yes, sir...”

“Always such a sweet, polite thing.” 

Hannibal kissed and bit his way down your body, ensuring there would be evidence of him the next time you saw yourself in the mirror. He allowed you to thread your fingers in his hair, giving him a soft push down when he took too long marking you in one spot. It wasn’t much longer until Hannibal was level with your thighs, he pushed them further apart. A moment passed without anything before you remembered his rule. Willing yourself up you looked down at him, catching a wink before you were rewarded with a broad lick. Hannibal sucked your clit, pressing your hips down when you grinded against him. 

A helpless noise was the most you could do.

He bit your thigh, his fingers immediately making their way back inside of you, targeting the spot he had quickly learned turned you to putty. 

“You really are beautiful like this,” Hannibal acknowledged, “Completely at my mercy. Desperate for anything I’m willing to give you.”

There wasn’t any time to think up something to say as Hannibal’s mouth replaced his fingers, silencing any words that weren’t his breathy attempts of his name and pleas. Teeth grazed against your clit and a soft moan of his own was enough to pull you closer. 

“Please, daddy,” you begged, too far gone to be embarrassed by your slip, “I’m close…”

Hannibal was merciful, helping you finish as quickly as you had asked. Maybe at another time he would have teased and made you hold on longer but there was only so much patience he had. Especially when there was such an eager lover begging him. You watched him, dazed, as he came back up, his hand gripping at your jaw.

“Open.”

Doing as he wanted, you opened your mouth, instantly receiving a mix of the still lingering wine he had drank at dinner and you. He watched as you swallowed.

He let out an almost dreamy sigh. “So pliant.” 

Hannibal kissed you, finally allowing you to get your way as you pushed off the last clothes. You pumped him in your hand, working up the courage as you shook off the daze he had left you in. He was definitely the most talented partner you had had.

“We don’t have to go any further,” Hannibal reassured you, kissing the side of your mouth, “I’m perfectly sedated watching you.”

You shook your head immediately, not wanting him to think you were hesitant. “I want to, college guys aren’t so giving, just needed some time to clear my head.” As if to prove your point you gave him a squeeze, that made him thrust into your hand on instinct. “I just feel bad you’re doing all the work.”

“I prefer it,” he groaned quietly, as you thumbed at the slit. Hannibal rolled so that you could be on top of him, “But if you insist…”

A soft laugh. “That was hardly the fight I was expecting,” you muttered teasingly, kissing his jaw. 

“My patience is running thin.”

At that you straddled him, your hand lining him up with you. His hands held you steady as you sunk onto him. The both of you moaned softly when he was fully inside. Hannibal slowly grinded you against himself as you adjusted to his size. Hands against his chest, you started riding him in earnest. 

“That’s my good girl,” he praised you, his fingernails digging harder into your hips. 

“Yours,” you whimpered, too enthralled in the feel of him to pay any attention to the weight of what you were saying. His groans underneath you encouraged you more than anything. “All yours.”

Hannibal sat up, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you firm against him. His soft kiss was a contrast to how roughly he was working himself into you. You couldn’t find it in you to care that he had taken control again. Instead you wrapped your arms around his neck, letting him do as he pleased, just enjoying the way his hands and lips would travel across your body. Teasing, pinching, biting everywhere he could reach.  Your chest alone would be covered in marks left behind by Hannibal. That would be a problem for the future you to deal with at the moment you were too preoccupied with begging him for more. He’d slow his thrust whenever he felt you close to the end, chuckling lowly at the whining sounds you had made.

“Give daddy one more sweet girl. I know you can.”

You moaned loudly, giving Hannibal exactly what he wanted. When he wanted. Drained, you fell limp against his shoulder. Every small sound you made broadcast directly to him as he used you for all your worth. His arms tightened around you when you tried to pull away from the over stimulation. 

“Daddy’s close,” he promised, his accent thicker than usual, “I’ve taken such good care of my girl. Be good for me.”

Nodding, you dug your nails into his shoulders. You could be good. He had been so good to you after all. Still your vision blurred and it had taken a while longer for him to finally go still inside of you. 

Hannibal kissed the side of your head, before pulling you to lay down against him. His thumb wiped away the stray tear that had managed to fall. “You did so well for me. Are you alright? Do you need anything?”

You sighed sleepily, curling into his side more comfortably, “I’m alright. Just want you.”

“We’ll take care of you later,” he promised, seeing how tired you were, “You should rest, darling. I’ll be right here.” His hand rested on your hip, thumbing at forming bruise gently. Between the soft touch and his quiet humming, it didn’t take long for you to find sleep. 

NextChapter

[tryingmybestpls]

Golden

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: The Reader and Bucky go through different stages of the Reader’s pregnancy.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy, giving birth

Two Months

Y/N had been mulling over how she was going to tell him since she found out a week ago. She had thought her anxiousness and worries would have faded away after she saw those two little lines on the test. No, they had only increased ten-fold, only worsening when she went to her doctor and got an official test. Her stomach tossing and turning when the doctor told her that she's been pregnant for eight weeks. Y/N was now stuck with the most important and difficult part of this whole thing-telling Bucky Barnes that she was pregnant with his baby.

How does one tell an over one hundred year old super soldier that they're going to be a father?  Getting a tiny Brooklyn Dodgers onesie made? Too cliché. Make some awful pun themed dinner that might include "buns in the oven"? Might go over his head. Hand him the sonogram that she had gotten after the pregnancy test just to be sure? He's from the forties, what the fuck is he going to know about a sonogram?

Y/N was terrified over he was going to react. Bucky was barely getting used to the world, barely getting used to having control of his own mind. And while he had been doing a lot better and he makes sure to take care of himself, Y/N didn't know how he would handle the stress of a baby. Did he even want to be a dad? Y/N didn't even know if she wanted to be a mom, but she know that somehow it felt right. They've never even talked about having children and now-well they were sort of past the point of thinking about having kids.

The whole situation made her want to vomit, and she was pretty sure it wasn't just from the morning sickness.

Y/N eventually landed on telling him over dinner. Nothing too fancy, just the usual place they always go to so that Bucky wouldn't think anything was up. All day long as she sat through meeting after meeting, her date got closer and closer, and that dread that had settled in the pit of her stomach grew with every second. Y/N felt like she was going to vomit by the time she met up with her boyfriend back at their apartment. Luckily, Bucky talks the entire car ride to the restaurant, complaining about something Sam did that day. She uses her training for good, covering up her nervousness with a neutral face.

They made their regular small talk as they sit in the back of the restaurant at their usual table. Y/N orders her usual lemonade while Bucky orders a Coke. They share a basket of bread and Y/N hopes that the carbs soak up the acid that keeps threatening to rise up her throat. Each time she wants to bring up her news, their waitress would come up with refills, an E.T.A on their food, or just to ask how they were doing. And each time, Y/N would glare daggers at her back once she was turned around to walk away.

Then their respective plates of pasta were placed in front of them. Bolognese for Bucky, arrabbiata for Y/N. While usually she immediately dives into her plate, the way her stomach is twisting and turning, she's unable to eat. Y/N pushes her pasta around with her fork as she works up the courage to talk to him. She just didn't know how to say it. All she knew is that she had to say it. Y/N puts down her fork, moving to wipe her now sweaty hands on the cloth napkin on her lap as she looks up at him. Bucky was raising a pasta laden fork up to his mouth as she opened hers.

"I'm pregnant." She finally blurts out. Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper, barely audible over the noise of the other guests at the restaurant. She was afraid that he couldn't hear her, afraid that she was going to have to say it again. But by the way Bucky's eyes widen, she knew that he had heard her loud and clear. He lowers his fork, mouth opening and shutting.

"I-What? You're-What?" The super soldier asks, looking from her face to her stomach and back to her face. Y/N felt like she was going to be sick to her stomach, the blood draining from her face.

"I-I'm pregnant. I found out last week." Y/N manages to get out, still looking down at her plate. Her eyes started to sting and she tried to blink her eyes rapidly in order to keep her tears at bay. Bucky's silence is deafening and Y/N wishes she could run out of the restaurant, but it's like she's glued to the chair. She wants him to say something-anything, but he is silent. Y/N is about to say something when he holds his hands up, almost in defense.

"Wait. I-I don't want you to be upset. I'm not mad-I just don't know how to put my feelings into words. I'm happy. I'm really happy. I just-You know I'm not good with words." Bucky finally speaks, stumbling over his words. Her eyes widen and she quickly looks up at him.

"I-Really?" Y/N asks, the knot her stomach slowly unraveling. Bucky nods, a small smile appearing on his face. This time the tears that are filling her eyes from happiness.

"I'm not going to pretend that I know anything about babies or raising a child, but I'm sure I can figure it out." Bucky jokes, his metal hand fiddling with his utensils on the table. Y/N feels a million times better, a huge weight being lifted off of her shoulders. He looks up at her again, "I'm happy, Y/N. I am."

"Me too. Me too."

-

Four Months

As Y/N walked into her apartment, the only thing on her mind was kicking her shoes off, taking off her bra that was digging into her sides, and taking a much deserved nap. Her meeting had ended early and with Rhodey not needing help with anything, she had decided to return to her apartment. Yet, with not even a foot inside of the apartment, she was immediately greeted with an argument.

"No, what I am saying is you're painting wrong." Bucky snaps, which makes Y/N's eyebrow raise. Her boyfriend wasn't in sight, but he certainly was in the apartment somewhere. She sets her things down, walking over to where the arguing is coming from.

"How the hell can I be painting wrong? I'm putting paint on the wall. The wall is getting painted." Sam fires back and Y/N has to force herself to not laugh, covering her mouth. She stands in the doorway of the guest room, taking in the sight in front of her. The floor and furniture was covered in plastic tarp, blue painting tape lining the white molding and outlets. Painting supplies littered the room and standing in the middle of all of it were two idiots, both of them holding paint rollers covered in a light sage green paint.

"I'm sorry-what's going on here?" Y/N questions, motioning to the two of them and the mess in the room. Their heads snapped towards her, nervous smiles spreading across their faces. They looked like two kids that have been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.

"Hey doll-uh fuck-surprise." Bucky announces a little defeatedly while Sam gives a one handed jazz hand. Y/N laughs, carefully stepping into the room as the 106 year old man tries to explain, "I-We were going to surprise you by painting the room. Why are you home so early?"

"My meetings ended early and I am extremely surprised. Thank you and thank you too, Sammy." Y/N says sweetly, smiling at the two of them. Bucky lets out a sigh of relief and Sam chuckles. While the men may not see eye to eye all of the time, Sam has been a great help to both of them. The man had some knowledge about babies and children, being the proud uncle to two little boys, and he had been trying his best to put some of Bucky's worries at ease.

"I'm just trying to be a really great uncle." Sam teases, which makes the super soldier roll his eyes.  Bucky didn't have any living siblings and Y/N's teammates were the closest thing she had to family so it was going to be Uncle Sam, Uncle Rhodey, Auntie Pepper, Auntie Wanda, and so on and so forth. Their little patchwork support system that they were incredibly grateful for.

"Do you two need any help? I can't because I am pretty sure I'm not supposed to be inhaling paint fumes. But I can give Peter a call, I'm sure he wouldn't mind." Y/N offers, grinning from ear to ear. She knows that both men weren't exactly best friends with Peter Parker, both of them having gotten their asses handed to them by a teenager. Y/N didn't have any issues with the kid, hell she talked to him on a weekly basis. He reported to her every Friday, filling Y/N on his week. While it had first started as him telling her what Spider-Man did, it soon turned into a three hour long meeting that included take out while he filled her in the weekly drama and tales of him and his two friends. And every Friday when she would return to the apartment, Sam and Bucky would greet her by calling her traitor.

"Jesus-No, we are okay doll. I think we can manage, right Sam?" Bucky asks, looking at the other man. Sam just nods, holding his paint covered roller a little higher.

"Yeah yeah I think we will be okay. This room will be done in no time."

-

Seven Months

Y/N watched from her seat at the kitchen island as Bucky moved around the kitchen, attempting to make dinner.

Y/N had been put on bed rest due to the fact that the Super Serum that had affected Bucky's DNA was causing the baby to grow at an accelerated rate. Seeing that this is going to be the first baby born with the serum (that they know of), the doctor wanted Y/N to be cautious.

Bucky, had taken the doctor's words incredibly seriously, going so far as to not even let make any food, like he is doing now.

"Bucky, baby, I can help you, y'know." Y/N tells him as Bucky attempted to follow a fairly simple recipe for marinara sauce. It was already going south pretty fast. He hadn't bought the right type of tomatoes and hadn't chopped nearly enough garlic. She kept herself from micromanaging the whole thing, but it was getting harder and harder to do so.

"Doll, I used to make dinner for me and my sister. I think I can handle this." He replies, setting the knife he was using to chop up the yellow onion aside. He scoops up the onion in his hands, moving to toss it into the big pan on the stove. The onions sizzle as soon as it hits the olive oil covered surface of the pan.

When Y/N had told Bucky she was craving pasta, she had kind of meant that they would just pick something up. Bucky had decided that he would make the meal himself and Y/N, once she saw how excited he was, didn't have the heart to tell him that she had wanted take-out.

It was actually sort of sweet, seeing him trying to hard to make this meal for her. All he wanted to do is take care of her, take care of their baby. She loved cooking for him for the same reason. It was a way to show her love, to show how much she cared about him and he just wanted to do the same.

"Alright, Barnes. I believe in you." Y/N responds, smiling at him. She just watched as he cooked (and occasionally danced to the jazz music that was playing on the record player). It didn't matter if the meal sucked, Bucky was just trying his best to take care of his girlfriend and their child.

But for the record, the meal did suck.

-

Eight Months

It was a sight, seeing them together.

Bucky held their daughter close to his chest, bouncing her carefully as the light started to filter through the blinds of her hospital room. A smile was stretched across his tired face as he moved from side to side, cooing to her softly. His hair was a mess, his clothes incredibly wrinkled. The morning light surrounded the two like a halo and if Y/N could, she'd take a picture of them. A picture of her family.

Their daughter had been born a month early, which wasn't too surprising considering with how fast she had been growing. Although it was a shock when Y/N's water broke the night before while they were sleeping. Then Y/N had spent most of yesterday in labor, finally giving birth to their sweet baby girl-Rebecca Natalia Barnes, named after Bucky's little sister and Y/N's best friend-in the evening. Bucky had started crying when Y/N had told him that she had wanted to name their daughter after his sister, not thinking that Y/N would have wanted to pay tribute to his long dead sister.

"Look Rebecca, mommy's awake." Bucky says softly, looking over to where Y/N was laying in her bed. The Super Soldier grinned at her, still rocking their child. Y/N smiled at the two of them, shifting on the bed so she can sit up a bit more as her boyfriend walked over. She looks up at the two, her heart swelling with the way Bucky looks holding their daughter.

"Hi baby." Y/N says hoarsely, the bundle of pink shifting and squirming in Bucky's arms. She holds her arms out, silently asking if she can hold Rebecca. Bucky carefully places the newborn into her arms before he pulls the plastic chair closer to the bed, not wanting to be too far from either of them.

"I can't believe she's actually here." Y/N announces softly, taking in every detail of her daughter's face in the early morning light. She had Bucky's blue-gray eyes and his nose, but her hair. It felt weird to see her, felt weird to be holding her. Y/N felt like she was dreaming, but the pain she had gone through the night before-the pain she was still feeling now-had made it real.

"Isn't she beautiful?" Bucky asks, looking at mother and child interacting. Y/N nods, tears filling her eyes as she looks down at her daughter. She presses her lips against Rebecca's forehead, taking in that baby smell that every parenting book seemed to mention. Bucky is still smiling, looking at the two, "My two beautiful girls."

Hours from now, the hospital room would be filled with friends what were more likely family, wanting to share this incredibly special moment with the Y/L/N-Barnes family. Rebecca would be introduced with her aunts and uncles, each one of them getting a chance to hold and introduce themselves to the newborn.

But for now, for now, the three of them were alone. The three of them sat together in this room, all getting used to each other. Nothing else existed outside of this room, nothing else mattered outside of this room. All that mattered was that they were together.

[waitineedaname]

"Accidently ending a phone call with your roommate with a casual ‘I love you’ seems like a very good reason to move out"

For benrey @ gordon?

“And can you pick up some oat milk while you’re there? I just realized I’m out.”

“Man, oat milk freaks me out,” Benrey said, pushing their shopping cart towards the dairy section anyway. “Like, do oats even have, uh. Others?”

“Others?” There was a beat of silence as Gordon attempted to figure out exactly what the hell Benrey was talking about. “You mean udders?”

“Yeah. Cow things.”

“Dude, that’s not how oat milk works.” Gordon’s laugh made Benrey’s cheap phone speakers crackle.

“Then how does it work? Huh? Mister scientician?” Benrey propped the phone between their ear and shoulder as they opened the fridge door to grab the brand of oat milk he knew Gordon liked.

“I don’t fucking know! I’m not a goddamn milk scientist.” Even through a phone call, Benrey could hear the smile on Gordon’s face. “They squeeze juice out of the oats or smush them into a paste or something. I don’t know. Stop making me think about how oat milk works, it’s going to make me not want to drink it anymore.”

“Cool, so I’ll buy milk with extra lactose then.”

“You will not, unless you wanna deal with me laying on the couch complaining all afternoon because my stomach hurts.”

“You do that anyway.”

“Fuck off, man.” Gordon’s tone of voice didn’t carry any bite to it. “Alright, I gotta go, I’m almost at the end of the queue to pick Joshie up. I’ll see you back at home, okay?”

“Mhm. Love you, bye.” Benrey hung up and shoved their phone back in their jacket pocket. They unfolded the shopping list and attempted to decipher the mix of their own chicken scratch, Gordon’s doctor handwriting, and the occasional misspelled request for snacks in Joshua’s six year old handwriting. Okay, they had to get those frozen chicken nuggets Joshua liked, another pack of seltzer, a can of black beans since Gordon was planning to cook dinner tonight-

Thinking about Gordon made them suddenly freeze in place as they realized what they’d just done. Did… Did they just say “love you” on the phone with Gordon?

Aw, fuck.

They’d been living with Gordon for a while now. It hadn’t always been an easy thing for either of them. When they’d been freshly respawned, both of them had been jumpy around each other at best, and at worst, they were at each other’s throats trying to kill each other. It took a long time and a lot of uncomfortable conversations for them to get to the point where they could interact without an unbearable amount of tension. From there, they were able to start rebuilding an actual friendship. Turns out, they got along a lot better when they weren’t in mortal danger. Who knew!

Living with Gordon involved a lot of rules, both spoken and unspoken. They involved stuff like “don’t ask weird questions about Gordon’s feet,” “if one of them gets too angry, walk it off instead of actually fighting,” and “no gross body horror in front of Gordon’s son.” It also involved shit like “please for the love of god don’t put empty juice cartons back in the fridge” and “don’t stain the carpets with Sweet Voice, this is a rental and that security deposit is worth getting back.” So far, Benrey hadn’t had too much trouble following the rules. They had been a security guard, after all; following rules was supposed to be their thing. Besides, they were a low price to pay to get to spend time with Gordon.

One of those early unspoken rules, however, had been “keep the flirting to a minimum.” That one had been a little tricky at first, but it had been necessary, especially back when they still weren’t on the best of terms. Benrey learned that when Gordon was already worked up, blowing a kiss did the opposite of diffusing the situation. This was news to Benrey. Who didn’t love a little kiss from their buddies? Lame.

That had been an early rule, though, and one that had kind of faded into the background over time. The longer they lived together, the more physically affectionate they both got, and a little domesticity is only to be expected when you share a household. It was nice. Comfortable.

And then Benrey had to go and say “I love you” on the phone. What the fuck.

That had to be crossing a line, right? Gordon was fine with some handholding and some cuddling and they’d make dinner together once a week, but this had to be pushing it.

Benrey went through the rote motions of buying the rest of their groceries without really paying attention, too busy panicking. There was only one option. They had to move out. This was fine. This was totally fine. They could just crash on Tommy’s couch until they find a place of their own because there was no way this wasn’t going to make Gordon freak the fuck out. As much as they loved fucking with Gordon, they’d learned there was the fun kind of freaking him out and the bad kind of freaking him out. They were fairly certain this fell into the bad category.

By the time that they were walking up to their apartment door, they were already mentally packing up all their things, resigned to their fate. They were so stuck in their own head that Joshua barreling into their legs when they opened the door actually startled them.

“Benny!” Joshua cheered, clinging to their jeans.

“Hey, li’l dude.” Benrey carefully tried to push past the kid without tripping over him on the way to the kitchen. Tragically, that’s where Gordon also happened to be.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Gordon asked, taking some of the grocery bags from them. “I thought you’d gotten lost in Costco again.”

Benrey grunted noncommittally and started putting away groceries instead of answering Gordon. Maybe if they didn’t look at him, they could avoid confronting whatever Gordon’s reaction was. Yeah, definitely, this seemed like a sustainable, reasonable decision to make. Yep.

“Dude.” Gordon’s hand suddenly appeared on their forearm. Benrey stared at it, then looked up at Gordon’s concerned face. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“You’re putting carrots in the utensil drawer.”

Benrey looked down at their hands again. Oh. So they were.

“You’ve been acting weird ever since you got back from the store,” Gordon said, gently taking the carrots away from them. “Did something happen? You wanna talk about it?”

Benrey screwed their mouth up. No, they didn’t want to talk about it, but learning how to talk through things like adults was something they both had agreed to do. That had been a rule introduced by an exasperated Tommy, sick of mediating their bullshit. So, they sighed and looked away while Gordon put the carrots in the vegetable drawer of the fridge. “I was thinking about how I’ve gotta move out.”

“What?” Gordon stood up too fast and smacked his head on the freezer door. He swore loudly, and Benrey reached over to hand him a bag of frozen peas to put on the back of his head. “Thanks. But also, what? Since when are you moving out?”

“Uh, since now?” Benrey said, confused. Shouldn’t it be obvious?

“Why?”

“‘Cause I said I love you on the phone? Dummy? You, uh, a fucking old man got bad brain disease, not remembering things?” They said, defaulting to picking on Gordon to avoid focusing on anything else. Gordon stared blankly at them for a moment, then, against all odds, a grin spread across his face.

“Benrey,” He said, and Benrey decided he didn't like that tone one bit, “Are you embarrassed?”

“Whuh? No.” There was no way they could be embarrassed. That definitely wasn't what was going on here. Nope. Not a bit, “...Maybe.”

“Dude, you don't have to be embarrassed about that.” Gordon laughed. “Do you know how often I've said stupid Freudian slips? I called my sixth grade teacher mom once and wanted to change my name and move to Canada. I've been there.”

“It wasn't, uh… It wasn't too much? Not crossing a line or anything?”

“Nah, man. It was kinda sweet.” Gordon flashed him a smile and finished putting away the last of the groceries.

“Cool.” Benrey relaxed, letting go of the tension that had been building in their shoulders. “That's good ‘cause I was gonna fight you for custody of your Xbox.” Gordon snorted.

“Good fucking luck, you’re too much of a Playstation guy to win that case.”

The evening passed relatively uneventfully from there. Gordon enlisted Benrey’s help in cooking dinner, and Joshua eagerly told them all about the cool dinosaur facts he’d learned in class that day. They went through the easy routine of watching just one episode (which of course always turned into several episodes) of Joshua’s choice of TV, then Benrey helped wash up in the kitchen while Gordon put Josh to bed. Gordon joined them as they finished washing dishes and squeezed Benrey’s shoulder affectionately when they were done.

“Alright, man, I think I’m gonna head to bed early tonight.”

Benrey nodded. “Cool. I’ll be quiet.”

“Don’t worry about it. G’night, dude.”

“Night, Gordon.”

“Oh, and Benrey?” Gordon paused in the doorway of his bedroom and waited until Benrey glanced up at him. Gordon smiled. “Love you too.”

He shut the door before Benrey could respond, leaving Benrey to stare blankly at the door. They let out a groan, careful not to wake Joshua. Oh, Gordon was going to be the death of them.

[vennilavee]

starry eyes

pairing: levi x reader (moon/stars universe) ft kaiya and rina!! summary: some moments through your pregnancy with baby Peach. warnings: pregnancy, cursing, details of a difficult pregnancy, c-section delivery, blood mention a/n: for this drabble prompt req “give me more picking out baby names, painting nurseries, and cradling their children. For moon and stars please”. but it ended up being 2.6k. i didn’t include the part about painting nurseries bc i want that to be it’s own drabble/part of another part of the story!

“Do you think we should have Peach share a room with Kaiya when she’s old enough?” You muse, “We only have our bedroom and Kaiya’s…”

Levi hums and scratches his chin. He absently places a hand over your growing belly- you’ve only started showing in the last week or two.

“Kaiya will be five years older than Peach,” Levi says, “She will need her own space.”

“Then we need more space,” You say with a raise of your eyebrow, “We only have two bedrooms, baby.”

“What shitty timing,” Levi sighs, throwing his head back against the headboard of the bed, “Is this a good time to move into another house? We haven’t even started looking-”

“We can either do it now or when Peach is a few months old,” You say, leaning your head on his shoulder, “You and Erwin spent so much time decorating Kaiya’s room and painting the walls…”

“We can do that at the new house,” Levi says, “And Kai can do it with us.” He kisses your forehead and continues rubbing your belly absently.

“Are we making this decision too quickly? Shouldn’t we think about it more,” You wonder out loud.

“We need more space,” Levi says simply, “We got a baby coming. Or did you forget?”

“How could I forget?” You roll your eyes, “You knocked me up. Again.”

“Shut up,” Levi rolls his eyes and pulls you in for a kiss. And then flicks your forehead.

House hunting was a much quicker affair than you had anticipated it to be- Levi had a sixth sense for this type of thing (and it had long begun to rub off on you, too). You had been looking at houses with Kaiya for about two months now, without any luck of a space that you could truly see yourself living in with your family.

Kaiya dutifully holds your hand as she explores the new kitchen, peering into the glossy, light green cabinets and giggling when she sees her reflection in a small mirror.

She gasps when she sees the size of the backyard, bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly. “Mommy, look ousside,” She whispers, “Pwetty.”

“It is, isn’t it?” You reply, giving her a smile.

Levi has a mental checklist of questions to ask, and you do too, but he can see you falling in love with the house already. It’s cute and has charm- he can tell you’re already envisioning where Kaiya and the currently unnamed baby would play in the living room, where you’d set up your sewing materials…

Because he’s thinking about the same. He’s thinking about what Kaiya might want to paint her walls and how to set up the new baby’s room, about where his wine collection might go and his favorite leather chair.

Sometimes when you know, you just know. He has a good feeling about this place and the more the real estate agent tells you both, the more you subtly fall in love with the house. You feel like you’re a character in a small fairytale when you climb the staircase and get a view of the yard from the bedroom.

“Honey,” You say softly, tugging on his sleeve.

“Hmm,” He says and scoops Kaiya in his arms when she lifts her arms up.

“Daddy, mommy say she like it,” Kaiya whispers. Or attempts to.

“Oh, is that what mommy said?” Levi says, eyes lit up with amusement.

“Kiki, tell daddy that mommy loves the house very much.”

“Daddy, mommy say-”

“Daddy likes the house, too,” Levi says and you beam at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Really!” Kaiya exclaims, her arms outstretched.

And that’s that.

Moving and settling the paperwork had taken another month despite Levi’s attempts on speeding up the process. You had insisted on helping with the physical labor of moving, despite Erwin, Hange, Eren, Jean, Armin, Connie, Sasha and Mikasa volunteering to help you and Levi move.

Kaiya sat on one of the boxes that Jean and Eren carried out of the current apartment with a yellow hard hat on her head, directing them outside of the apartment to stack the boxes by the elevator.

“Baby,” You mumble, tugging Levi’s hand, “A house. We bought a house together.”

“Yeah,” Levi says, “Guess I’m stuck with you now, huh?”

You ignore him and peck his cheek. Your eyes have been watering on and off all day, memories of this apartment and of the initial stages of your relationship blossoming hidden in the spaces between the walls, between each shelf and cabinet.

“We fell in love here,” You say thickly, “We created love here.”

“We did,” Levi says softly, rolling his thumb over your hand, “Kaiya started walking right over there-” He points to the empty space of the living room, “You broke a wine glass over here-” He points to the space where the small dining table used to be, “And Kaiya’s birthdays were here…”

“Stop,” You complain, “I’m gonna cry again.”

Levi lets out a soft chuckle, “The new house is gonna have all of that and more. With this kid.” Levi palms your belly and kisses your temple.

Your second trimester, as it was with Kaiya, is relatively easy in comparison to the first trimester. You and Levi take the ease that comes with the second trimester to plan out what the nursery in the new house will look like when the baby is old enough to sleep alone. 

The new house is a cozy four bedroom house (complete with a guest room) and plenty of room for play and relaxation. You had converted one of the rooms on the first floor into a small office for Levi, as he was able to work from home more often than you were.

Kaiya had demanded that her room be space themed. So you and Levi had painted her bedroom a pretty pale blue, decorated with glow in the dark stars and planets across her ceiling and the walls. A grey full moon hangs on one of the walls, along with frames of the planets, galaxies and Kaiya’s own drawings of the solar system (and really whatever else she wants). 

She had even painted some stars on the side of the wall where her bed is, with Erwin’s help. Her bedding is navy blue with gold stars printed on it and of course, she has her stuffed elephant, her stuffed sun and her stuffed moon on her bed. A galaxy projector sits on her nightstand, and she loves to turn it on when Levi reads her a bedtime story.

Seeing her reaction made you cry, too.

Now was the hard part. Determining what to paint the walls for the growing peach in your belly. You and Levi go back and forth on muted yellow, olive green, and pale green-

“Do you want Peach to think they’re in a forest?”

“But green is such a calming color!”

“So is yellow, yellow is happy-”

“You think a newborn baby will know that?”

“We should create an atmosphere of relaxation and happiness-”

In the end you and Levi decide on a yellow and green theme, with accents of grey. Compromise. You both decide to hold off on painting the walls, until Peach is a little older to decide on what they want to accent the walls. Kaiya’s old crib sits in your bedroom for when Peach arrives, which somehow feels like it’s creeping up on you but still so far away.

Your second trimester is when you can’t get enough of Levi- every small action he does, whether it’s cooking dinner, putting things away from unpacked boxes or giving you a foot rub- makes you want to jump his bones every chance you get.

You’re glad your man can keep up with you. And Levi makes it well known how much he loves you and loves your body. He always has a hand on your hips, your waist, your chest whenever he can.

You bask in the attention. Your skin glows, your hair is healthy and your nails full.

And then the third trimester comes, and it’s possibly the most difficult experience you’ve ever had to stomach. The third trimester is complete with backaches, frequent heartburn, varicose veins and mood swings that give Levi whiplash.

Your mood swings weren’t this intense with Kaiya. But he knows every pregnancy is different. You’re uncomfortable in your own skin and distressed and so tired in the last few months.

In the last few months, you and Levi settle on a name- you’d found out that Peach was in fact a baby girl, and Kaiya was upset that she wouldn’t be able to refer to her baby sister as Peach any longer-

“Let’s name my sissy ‘Berry’ then.”

“That’s not any better than Peach, honey.”

In the end, after a few weeks of deliberating, you decide on Rina Ackerman. You had tossed around the idea of naming her after Levi’s mother, Kuchel, but Levi shot it down. He didn’t want his kids to have the burden of living up to a legacy that they knew nothing about.

You could understand that.

Levi and Kaiya help where they can. Levi holds you when you cry and he rubs your belly and your back when it gets to be too much. You tell him that this baby feels different, that you’re scared. So when you start having contractions about four weeks too early, you’re not surprised. 

You scream and you cry, terrified that something’s gone wrong when you spot blood pooling on the bed. Levi looks at you with wide eyes before jumping into action quickly.

He holds your hand tightly, grateful that Kaiya is with his mom and Kenny for the day.

Once you reach the hospital, you’re a mess, almost refusing to let the doctors look at you. You’re terrified that something awful and terrible has happened, and Levi looks you in the eye with your hands tight in his-

“You can do this. You have to do this. For Rina. She needs you.”

“She’s too early, Levi, I can’t-”

“She’s strong. Like her mother.”

In the end, Rina is delivered via an emergency C-section. Levi only sees and holds her impossibly tiny body for a moment before she starts to cry and she’s whisked away by the nurses and doctors. You’re still sedated in the hospital bed.

He sits in the blue plastic chair in your room and holds his head in his hands. 

It’s hard for Levi to believe that that melancholy morning in the hospital was a little over two years ago. When he sees his youngest little girl, strong and quick on her feet, being chased by her older sister, he can’t believe that she came out into the world in such a difficult manner.

You like to joke and say that Rina is a troublemaker and she liked causing a scene right from the first breath of air she took.

Levi feels like his heart stops whenever he sees Rina fall or nearly injure herself. It’s different than it was with Kaiya- maybe because he was the only one who saw her struggle to breathe during her first moments. It’s hard for him to lose the overprotectiveness he has with Rina that didn’t necessarily exist with Kaiya. Of course, he was protective over his oldest, but it just feels different.

He doesn’t want Kaiya to feel like Levi has favoritism over his two best girls. But he can’t shake this feeling.

You recognize it in his eyes even if he says nothing. You see it in the shine of his grey irises, the way they’re panicked only for a millisecond when he hears Rina’s first cry whenever she falls.

The Ackerman family is currently in the backyard, on a nice summer evening. You’re sitting on a picnic blanket with your legs outstretched and a small smile on your face as you watch your babies run around and chase each other. Rina is still clumsy on her feet, almost waddling after Kaiya before she gets distracted by a patch of grass. She immediately plops down and pats the grass under her and pulls at the grass as hard as she can, throwing the pieces up in the air and squealing happily.

“Kaiya!” Rina exclaims, “Kaiya!”

Kaiya sits across from her with a beaming smile and her hands outstretched and Rina gently places the pieces of grass in her hands. 

“Hey, thanks, ‘Ina,” Kaiya smiles and Rina bashfully hides her face. She crawls to her big sister and sits in her lap, playing with the flowers and pointing to the small garden that Kaiya and you had been working on.

“Let’s go to the flowers,” Kaiya says and holds her hand as they both waddle to the garden patch.

“Mommy’s growin’ fruits and veggies here,” Kaiya says, pointing at cucumbers and okra, “I pretend like I don’t like them, but I do.”

Kaiya laughs and Rina giggles, too. Rina watches Kaiya with identical eyes, wide and grey and full of wonder. She catches sight of her daddy and lets go of Kaiya’s hand to waddle to Levi.

You nudge Levi’s foot and he stretches his arms out for her. Rina concentrates on Levi, smiling as he gets closer and closer as she walks towards him. But she’s small and she’s clumsy, so she lands on her fresh overalls, knees in the dirt.

Levi is about to jump to his feet but you stop him with a hand to his chest. Rina only stands up with wobbly legs before resuming her walk to Levi.

She nearly jumps into his lap and bounces in his arms when he holds her close. Levi adjusts her sparkly purple headband and Rina just beams at him, standing on her feet and tugging the strands of hair that fall into his eyes. 

“Daddy,” Rina whispers and reaches into her pocket. She pulls out a few pieces of grass and shoves it in his face. “For you, daddy.”

Her fingers are dirty, coated in soil and dirt and Levi winces. But how can he focus on that when his baby is offering him the gift of the earth?

“Thank you, Rina,” Levi says quietly and kisses her forehead. Rina smiles, satisfied, before settling in his lap and giggling when you pull funny faces at her.

Levi hugs his youngest close, gesturing for Kaiya to come join him. She immediately plops down next to him and Levi wraps an arm around her shoulder.

“You’re getting too tall,” Levi says to Kaiya, who takes it as a compliment.

“My teacher says I’m tallest,” Kaiya beams at him. He pats her head affectionately.

“Come here, mommy,” Kaiya calls. Not like you were too far, anyway. Rina is busy playing with Levi’s long fingers and clutching them in her chubby hands. She gasps when she sees you approaching, outstretching her arms for your attention. You come bearing freshly cut fruit and juice before sitting down next to Levi and pecking his cheek.

“Mommy has melons,” You chirp and Levi snorts. 

“Yeah, she does,” Levi says with an upturn of his lips. Only you catch the teasing bite of his tone.

“Mello!” Rina chirps happily, eyeing the watermelon in your plate.

“It’s for you Rina,” You say, and cut up the piece into smaller pieces.

Levi lives for quiet summer nights like this- nights with his girls with the setting sun and a light breeze. Nights with you in a cute sundress, Kaiya and Rina smiling and laughing. 

He doesn’t think he can ever get used to how his girls’ laugh makes his heart swell.

tags: @simpingmaize​ @captainchrisstan​ @kentobean​ @alrightberries​ @puredivinity​ @regalillegal​ @castellandiangelo​

[veryrealimagination]

I am bored, need slight validation

And time to write everything.

Castle AU for Murdoch Mysteries

How her ex-husband could make her books sound so dry was a mystery Doctor Julia Ogden could never figure out. He was up on the stage, leading the crowd in some sort of speech while she smiled indulgently at the man next to her. A couple of people have already asked for autographs on their books, and a woman asked for one on her chest. It wasn’t the first time she had been asked, and she carried a marker for that reason. Her ex only broke a second before continuing on, then inviting her up on to the stage for all to see. And to stop her from lightly flirting with everyone in the audience.

He waited to berate her, thankfully, down on the red carpet without people immediately next to them. She never understood the increasing publicity that came with each new bestseller. It’s a book, not a Marvel production. I would be fine with a small showing at a bookstore, like I did ten years ago. “I still can’t believe you killed off your main character,” he hissed, smiling for the cameras along side her.

Julia nodded at a lens, pulling her head out of her musings. “Ivy Trainer ran her course,” she said,  waving at a cluster of them, “Once one gets too bored and knows too much about their character, anything that comes after becomes too easy to write and imagine. New books would be a boring read, and dull to write.”

“Of course. Which is why you know nothing and have written nothing about the next book, which was meant to be due a couple of months ago,” he said.

“Excuse you, I’m working hard on my next book.”

“I don’t mean your medical textbook, Julia. Your next fiction. A character worthy of succeeding Ivy Trainer. I’ve been told that your murder board is empty and collecting virtual dust.”

She frowned. Her son knew not to tell her agent about that, but then she did invite Dad back home. And he wouldn’t know some of her golden rules about talking with Marcus. “I’m working on it.”

“Make sure that you do, otherwise we’ll have to take that advance back until you come up with something.” She closed her mouth to avoid gaping as he walked away to shake hands with a few others that came.

After three more signings, one on a man’s chest this time, she made her way over to her family table. Plucking a couple of champagne flutes up, she placed one down in front of her son. “Mom, I’m still not old enough,” Llewellyn Watts complained, “And do you really need to be looked at now for giving alcohol to a minor?”

“One, you are my minor, and therefore, I can give you a small taste,” she said, delightfully messing with his hair and getting gel on her hands.

He tried shaking off her hands to no avail. His hair now stood up like it was from the mid ‘00’s. He squawked, “Mom.” There was no trying to fix it unless he wanted to head to the restroom, which his mother would hide his things with help.

She wiped her hands on a couple of napkins laying about. “And two, you are far too invested in your schoolwork. Honestly, it’s not the end all in life.”

“Mom, it’s my History assignment and it’s costing a good chunk of my grade.”

“Oh, come on, History’s easy. Just ask your grandfather for all the answers,” she joked.

The man himself appeared behind Llew. “Making fun of my age again, are we,” he stated, knowing the answer. He ‘stole’ the flute in front of Llew and drank it himself.

Julia lightly snapped back, thinking about how Marcus figured she wasn’t on her next book. “Of course, Dad, otherwise I would be forced to question you on how much you were talking to Marcus over my work.”

He sighed. “I didn’t tell him about your work.”

“Oh, and what did you tell him?”

“About my painting, and how you’re joining me in the mornings while I work on them.”

She groaned. “Dad.”

Llew actually sighed. “Grampa, rule three, we don’t tell Marcus about Mom’s work and how she’s doing. Everything is fodder for him to use against Mom.”

“What? I’m not telling him about the series marathons you’re having for the last week.”

She stared at him. “Yes, thank you for that.” Downing her glass, she beckoned for another. Staring out into the crowd, she let out her own sigh. “Ivy became boring, and I wrote her as an extension of my studying. If she was investigating something in her hospital, I was working on it in studies. Now, I have no studies, and she has nothing to investigate. Killing her with a patient though, she should have gone out with a larger bang. And I also have no one to write now.” The two men in her life shared a look. “What?”

Llew shrugged. Her Father stared her down. “Ivy Trainer could have gone on to another hospital,” he pointed out.

“And then I would have had a repeat crime. Boring. I need something not boring.”

“There are only seven story archetypes total in story telling,” Llew mentioned, “You’ve had fifteen books. I think you’ve already repeated something.” Her father started laughing as she took a swipe at his head. He snickered, then smirked at his Mother. “I’m just pointing out facts.”

“Leave that for your schoolwork,” she said, pointing a finger at him. Another round of champagne walked by and she nabbed two more, with one being secured by her father before she could even put it down in front of her son. “He needs to loosen up. Honestly, he’s going to have no fun stories to tell his children by the time he’s my age.”

“Mom, I have heard ‘I can’t tell you that story until you’re eighteen’ more than twenty times,” he said.

“Only twenty?” her father questioned, “The amount of trouble I came home to when you were in your teens is enough for a few years of stories.”

She smiled, “What can I say? My situations don’t really come up with my son being on the straight and narrow.” She looked over at the small wiggle he gave at the word straight. “In terms of law abiding, not orientation.” He gave a small, relieved smile. “Although, I should now worry about your grandfather giving out old stories.”

“It is a Father’s prerogative to embarrass his children,” he boasted.

“And grandchildren.”

Her father nodded. “And grandchildren.”

She chuckled a bit, before staring off into space. Two waiters passed by with champagne and nibbles before Julia broke out of her spacing. “I need something different,” she said.

[mattreactsto]

We are in Podonk Florida

Don’t you have a friend with the same last name of that doctor? (Yes I do...now hush)

Lady, he isn’t waking up

That sod looks like trash

Neighbour’s hot

You can see him lifting the level to shift the bubble

Oh fuck I thought he was naked with that rat poison

She’s banging the hot neighbour

I would. What. He’s hot!

Ugmo the Husband has figured it out.

Boom boom

I mean. The sod was bad but really?

Uh. Lordy.

I bet you wouldn’t mind the zip ties. Minus the criminal charges.

I forgot how much of a bitch her (Athena) Mom is.

“Big strong fireman.” Fuck that’s funny.

Buck and an AA book. That might explain the Taylor of it all.

Noah is creepy.

Hen is burning out at an incredible rate.

She don’t got this.

Where the hell did that Dalmatian thing come from.

What the hell is that Dalmatian thing...

She’s gonna literally crash at this rate.

Eddie’s ass is…I can see why you like it.

Didn’t you fall asleep driving once? Like. Almost?

Karen’s pretty. This mead tastes amazing. Why don’t you have pretty skin like that. (You are on thin ice for a fat man right now.)

Karen is not happy with Hen

Athena. Introduce your husband. (Hmmm. Pretty judgey for someone who does the same.)

Beatrice. Remove head from ass.

Well. Act like a child…

Parenting our parents. Fuck. We’re already getting there aren’t we.

Awww. Three sweet bickering old guys. One of them is going to die.

Don’t tell me it’s gonna be the middle one. (Oh boy this’ll be fun.)

Julie looks like she probably has a thing for pretty ladies.

Is he impaled on him?!?

I mean. If it was Buck and Eddie I’m sure you wouldn’t be complaining. But. That doesn’t look fun.

Buck is having an existential crisis. Eddie needs to toss his salad about it. Man this mead is strong.

Hey! Noah learned something.

Julie’s nose looks like my older sister’s

Triage sucks ass.

Lev…oh man. He’s just so…at peace with everything.

Poor Buck. And Hen. Fuck.

Those balloons almost make that scene look obscene. So much happy with all that tragedy.

I forgot Athena was going to be a lawyer.

Do we know if any of Bobby’s family is still alive? Parents or whatever?

What is Buck wearing.

Buck looks like a lost little kid.

Hen needs to make choices.

That box wasn’t there when Bobby walked into the room.

Oh shit Hen didn’t tell Karen about the driving did she.

Oh shitfuck. Hen you…Karen is gonna strangle you with her braids.

Hmm. What is Hen gonna choose.

Aww. The letters are so sweet.

Why do I have a feeling you’d cope a lot better if I had a stroke and was hospitalized than I would if you were. (Great way to end the night sweetheart. Thanks for that.)

Oh shit. I kinda remember that bit about the kid.

[aaluminiumas]

Millie's Diary

If you're hooked, read the whole fanfic here.

March, 11

             It’s my 17th birthday, and I’m not celebrating… again. I mean, it came as no surprise, there’s nothing to do anyway, but I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. What do other girls my age do? They date guys, go clubbing, they… I don’t know? I feel so incredibly lonely that I started this stupid diary. Stupid diary for stupid Millie.

March, 17

             Dear Diary,

             I am sorry I didn’t introduce myself properly. I felt so terribly overwhelmed that I totally forgot about decency.

             Name’s Mildred, 17. I live on Crockett Island. It is a very close-knit community in WA. I live with my parents. Dad’s a fisherman, as most men here, and Mom’s a paramedic. Well, she’s actually a nurse at the local hospital, but doctors don’t last long here, and she’s learned a lot herself. The only thing she might not know well is surgery, but Crockett is a quiet place with few severe injuries happening. Typically, such things are treated on the mainland, and the ferryman can be amenable if he wants to.

             Every Sunday we go to church, and that’s the center of our social life. People chat before mass, discuss all sort of nonsense. I’m not a huge fan of either, though: by Sunday, everybody has expressed their opinion, and here they just sum things up. As for the sermons… well, Reverend Carver is obviously a nice man, but I—more often than not—fall asleep right on the pews. I wish he hadn’t been so monotonous and slipped a joke from time to time, but all he does is endless droning. Jesus did this, Jesus did that… Jesus had better be doing my homework. Sure he can handle a few formulas, huh?

             Anyways, gotta go. Continue tomorrow.

Love,

Millie

March, 20

(Should’ve been March, 18, but I failed)

(Sorry)

             Dear Diary,

             I’m sorry I didn’t make it ‘tomorrow.’ The homework was tremendous, and Mom needed a hand: I filled a register while she was running through medical records. We do it once a month or so. She wants to keep everything in order in case there’s a patient delaying a checkup. Inspector, really.

             Anyways, where did I stop?

             I wanted to tell you about our little island, but actually, there’s not much to say. Men are primarily fishermen, you already know that; women do other jobs, and those who still can prefer to flee. I would love to. I mean, I love this place, but… I don’t see much prospect here? I hope I will get to college. You see, our school’s not too good: the old lenient Mrs. Keane is hard of hearing, and she doesn’t even seem to care. Her husband, the intimidating Mr. Keane, the chemistry teacher (we call him Vigilante), is, on the contrary, rigorous and demands we explain everything on seven pages, no less. He also gives us physics lessons. And mathematics, too.

             Dad takes me to the mainland every now and then, so I can get a glimpse of what people do outside our community. I do hope I will make it to college.

Love,

Millie

March, 27

Today’s sermon was a disaster. Reverend Carver spoke about Jerusalem, miracles and all, but I wouldn’t listen. Does it even make any sense? Luckily, I sneaked a book from a library. Yay, miracles do exist!

Love,

Millie

April, 10

Dear Diary, 

I’m so fed up with this island, with those people, with this goddamn church directing me what to do and how to live! Why do I necessarily have to go there? I hate it. I hate Carver with his infinite lectures; I hate whining Mrs. Keane trying to complain about God knows what, I hate her husband, I hate the Gunnings with their pious faces, I hate EVERYTHING!!!! 

April, 12

Dear Diary, 

Dad didn’t take me to the mainland. He kissed me on the forehead and said that I was a good girl. A stubborn one, but good. Mom sniffed and said that those F’s in Mr. Kean’s class claimed otherwise. Fuck Mr. Keane. Fuck Mom too. 

June, 9

Dear Diary, 

Sorry it’s been a while! Too many things at once. A new doctor came, so Mom’s all occupied showing him around. I like him, actually. New people are always good. Is there a chance that odious Carver gets replaced? I’m done listening to his feeble attempts at mass. 

But that’s beside the point. You know, I met someone. He’s exceptional. I wouldn’t say this is the love of my life, but I do feel something stirring in me. He takes my hand, and I immediately start smiling. We even kissed. I feel so dumb, so dumb! We crawled out of the church while the whole island was there, and he kissed me on the lips right in the grove behind it. Can you imagine? I feel like a sinner. Maybe I am? Not that I care. 

Love,

Millie

July, 12

Dear Diary,

              I am so nervous. God, I am so nervous, so nervous, so nervous! He says that we should move further on, but I don’t understand what he wants? I need to talk to someone, but it’s like a desert, you know? Dad’s out working, Mom’s… well, she’s changed. She’s always been irritable, but this is beyond comparison. Friends are of no help: I don’t want the whole island to know about my relationship! This is ridiculous.

Millie

July, 14

Mom knows everything. She may have known from the very beginning, but when I tried to buttonhole her, trying to pry into her past and maybe get a piece of advice (for a friend, yeah), I realized that she was staring at me a little too intently. It was like a huge snowball. She spoke about God, about sins, about Devil and seduction, embarrassed me, saying that I should never let a man ‘slip into my panties’ before marriage. It is a disgusting thing, she said, and it is absolutely unacceptable at my age. People do it to make children, she said. I never even thought of it, I swear. I swear! We never even discussed that! All we did was a little kissing in the grove! Why does she have to be so rude? Did I do anything wrong?..

September, 14

              School. Again.

              I didn’t have much energy to write, but now I think I’m here back again. For a while. Lessons getting tougher, Mr. Keane is turning into a monster with a ruler. When does it end? Finals, finals, come along, lemme leave that dreadful home!

December, 23

              We broke up.

              Merry Christmas, I guess.

[fan4196]

Happiness (Part 3)

Evermore

Hey everyone here’s part 3, the last part, as requested by so many of you. Hope you like it. Enjoy!

-

After they dropped Izzie of at the hospital to see her mother alone at first, Jo convinced Alex to drive them to the loft and order some lunch. The twins were already sleepy from the flight and also jet lagged, so Alex gave in and drove them to the place he once called home instead of driving them around city, looking for a hotel to stay at.

As soon as they walked through the loft door, Alex has this weird feeling of being home again. It feels like the place where he belongs, the place he once thought he would start a family with Jo in - now he sort of does but he also feels like a complete stranger. Like he shouldn't be here. Like he shouldn't be allowed to feel like home here.

He immediately notices the missing of all their pictures. The corner were is workout stuff used to be holds two cribs and a changing table now. Most of the stuff he once brought into the loft is gone. Jo's closet is half empty and all in all it just doesn't look like it used to.

All of them get rid of their shoes and jackets and Jo prepares the bed for the twins, so they could take a nap. She and Alex sat on the couch talking until the twins woke up again and they ordered pizza.

The evening went over rather quickly with them watching movies and playing games. Heavy hearted the twins said goodbye to their new friend Jo, but got immediately excited again when she promised to accompany them at the zoo tomorrow.

Exhausted Jo falls into bed that night. Letting the day reminisce. She's really relieved that the twins immediately liked her and also that Alex is back or at least near. It makes her feel safer, to know that if something would happen now Alex is only a fifteen minutes drive away and not a three and a half hours flight. Although her due date is still seven weeks away, you just never know.

-

For Alex the next morning starts quite early - like almost every day with the twins but today they are extra excited. From getting them dressed, through breakfast and through out the whole car ride to the loft, they couldn't stop talking and asking about Jo.

They pick Jo up from the loft and Alex drives them to the zoo. The twins chat happily with Jo and sing along to the Taylor Swift songs she plays for them. Alex is quiet the whole car ride, smiling and thinking about how this right here is everything he ever wanted - a family with Jo.

At the zoo they start with the otter as requested by the twins. They walk the big round, looking at all the animals before then decide to take a break at the playground.

While the twins play and show Jo their skills at the monkeybars, Alex sits down on one of the benches from where he has a good few at them.

"Are they all yours?" An old man that sat down on the bench with Alex a few minutes ago asks all of a sudden.

"Yeah." Alex answers simply with a toothless smile, not really in the mood to explain his family constellation to a complete stranger.

"If an old man can give you an advise, try to keep them as happy as they are right now. If they are happy you are happy." He says before he stands up again and walks away.

"I see while I was gone you made a new friend your age." Jo jokes as she comes towards him and sits down on the bench.

"Shut up." He snorts, keeping his eyes on the twins.

"Never." She mocks, laughing at the sulky look on his face.

They sit in silence watching the twins play for a while, when out of nowhere Jo grabs Alex's leg and doubles over in pain.

"Jo what is it? Are you in pain? Jo talk to me!" Alex immediately asks concerned, grabbing her hand that's on his thigh, while his other hand strokes her back.

"I think I'm having contractions." Jo answers as the pain subsides and she sits up straight again.

"Since when?" He asks worried, not letting go of her hand while he's also not taking his eyes off of her.

"This morning?" She answers a little quieter, looking away to escape his look.

"What?"

"I'm having braxton hicks since probably a week. I saw Carina and she said everything was alright. But I don't think that those are braxton hicks, this one was way stronger and it hurt a lot more." She answers, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself down. Alex hand on hers was helping a little bit.

"Ok. Ahm we can do this. We're gonna get you to the hospital. Can you walk?" He asks before he gets up from the bench, holding his hands out to help her up.

"Yeah." Jo answers, taking both of his hands and letting him pull her up.

"Ok. Alexis! Eli! Come here! We need to go!" He screams in the twins direction, waving at them.

"Noo, Daddy." His daughter immediately complains from the sandpit.

"Yes. No complaints we need to take Jo to the hospital now!" He shouts again.

The twins know their dads serious voice so without further complaints they come running towards them and all of them make their way out of the zoo as fast as Jo can. Alex arm is around her to support her while walking and to stabalize her when another contraction hits.

"You're doing so good. Deep breaths." Alex whispers in her ear when they stop for another contraction break. His arms are around Jo, calmly stroking her back while her head is against his chest.

"It's way too early." She whispers a little out of breath from working through the contraction.

"I know. Let's get you to the hospital and see from there ok-" He says while her head still leans against his chest.

"Sir, Ma'am do you need help?" An older lady asks, coming up to them.

"No!" Alex immediately answers rather rudely which scares the lady off.

"Alex! They just wanted to be nice."

"They should mind their own god damn business." He answers "You good again?"

"Yeah." Jo nods and they keep walking, finally making their way out of the zoo.

"Ok you stay here with Jo and have an eye on her and I'm getting the car." Alex orders, already running off to get the car.

"Are the babies hurting you, Jojo?" Eli asks as he sits down beside Jo on the bench in front of the zoo.

"A little bit but it's fine. It's nothing you have to worry about, ok?" Jo assures him with a smile stroking his hair. "There's your dad. Come on."

They get up from the bench while Alex parks in front of them. He quickly gets out of the car to help Jo in the passenger seat and the twins buckling up in the backseats.

During their ride to the hospital the car is silent. The twins are completely quiet while Jo calmly works through her contractions and Alex tries to get them as fast but also as safe as possible to the hospital.

"Kiddos when we are at the hospital a nurse will take you to your mom, ok?" He explains to the twins, watching them nod in the rearview mirror.

"Ok daddy."

"Good." He takes his view from his kids and takes a quick look at Jo, "You ok?"

"Yeah." She smiles as he reaches for her hand to let her squeeze it during the next contraction.

"Ok unbuckle. I'm gonna get you in a second ok?" He tells Jo before he gets the twins inside where a nurse takes them to Izzie. He comes back with a wheelchair and helps Jo sitting down in it.

"Karev? You can't park here." Owen orders as he comes around the car, which is parked directly in front of the ER door.

"Jo's in labor!" Alex replies immediately, handing his key to Owen.

"Alright don't worry. Go get her admitted I'm gonna take care of your car."

"Thanks Owen." Alex screams as he pushes Jo into the ER.

"Stop!" Jo interrupts Alex before he can get them into the elevator, "Levi! Can you go to my place and get me my hospital bag it's right at the front door?" She stops the resident before he could walk past them.

"Are you in labor?" He asks totally surprised.

"Yes."

"Oh my god. Ahm- Of course. I still have my key."

"Thanks." Jo smiles, letting go of his arm so Alex can get them onto the elevator.

He pushes the number to the OB/Gyn floor and squads down in front of Jo, taking her hands in his.

"You're doing so good." He smiles up to her, his eyes softly looking at her.

"It's way too early." She whispers, trying to hold back tears while she keeps looking into his soft, brown eyes.

"It's not. You are 30 weeks which is far enough for them to survive. You kept them save as long as you could and once they're out I promise that I'll keep them save as long as they need, ok?" He assures her softly.

"I'm so glad you are here right now." She whispers.

"Me too."

The opening doors of the elevator interrupt their moment of intimacy and Alex gets her admitted and into a room.

"Jo, bambina I didn't expect you here so soon. Oh hello Doctor Karev." Carina DeLuca greets then as she walks into Jo's room.

"Hi Doctor DeLuca." Alex returns her greeting.

"Carina." She smiles at him, as she puts on a pair of gloves.

"Carina. Alex." He smiles back, taking Jo's clothes from her and puts them on the chair in corner.

"Ok let's see. Did your water already break, Jo?" Carina asks, getting the ultrasound machine ready.

"No- yes." Jo corrects her answer, as she feels the liquid running down her leg.

"Alright then there's no turning back now. Your bambino's want to come today. Can you lay down so I can do an ultrasound and check how far you are dialated?" She asks, getting everything ready.

Alex helps Jo on the bed and sits down on the chair beside her while Carina does the ultrasound and checks her.

"Your babies look great. They are both with their heads down which means we can try the vaginal birth you wanted." Carina smiles, taking off her gloves.

"Yes."

"Perfecto. I'll give you an IV with fluids and something to develop their little lungs and then we'll see. You are seven centimeters so you'll have a little more to go." Carina informs them before she gets the ultrasound machine to take it with her again.

"Thank you Carina." Alex smiles at the OB as he gets up to help Jo sit up again.

"Of course. I'll send a nurse for your IV and check on you in an hour."

"Thank you." Jo smiles.

Carina pads Alexs shoulder before she leaves the two alone again.

"If you need to get the twins or something you can go, I'm fine." Jo turns to Alex.

"Hell no I'm not leaving your side again. Izzie can take care of them for once." He replies, sitting down in his chair again.

"What do you mean?"

"Since the day I got there she plays the 'You missed five years of their life' card which means I have them 24/7 and she doesn't give a shit about them. Don't get me wrong I love my kids but Izzie couldn't care less. She's happy when they are at school or at a friends house and she doesn't have to deal with them all day. Why do you think she has this big ass farm with a hundred animals and a nanny? Just so they can run around outside and she has her quiet inside the house." He vents, laying his head back agains the headrest of the chair.

"So you have them all the time?"

"Yeah they basically live at my place and visit Izzie when she's free on the weekends."

Jo had heard enough, with Alex's help she gets up from the bed and sits down on one of the yoga balls. Closing her eyes and thinking about everything Alex just told her. 

The next few hours go by quietly. Carina checks on Jo every hour and Alex tries to help Jo whenever she needs it.

"I'm thinking about moving here again." Alex voice breaks the silence from his new place on the bed, "Would that be ok with you?"

"What?" She asks again, opening her eyes to be sure he really said what he said.

"I wanna be closer to you and our babies. I wanna see them growing up, Jo. I already missed the first five years once and I don't wanna miss them again. I wanna be their dad - who is around, who is there for their their first words and their first steps. I wanna change dirty diapers and get puked on, I wanna take them to daddy and me classes, I wanna have the whole damn thing - if you'll let me." He finishes, waiting for her answer, "Jo?"

He gets up from the bed and walks to her. Seeing that her eyes are closed, he takes her hands.

"I need to push."

-

An hour later their beautiful babies are born.

Small but healthy. They need a little help with their breathing but other than that they are both perfectly fine.

Jo has Emery on her chest, Alex has Parker for a little skin to skin time. They are all four curled up on the hospital bed - happier than they ever believed they could be.

"They are so perfect Jo." Alex whispers, watching his son and daughter sleeping peacefully.

"They really are." She smiles towards Alex, "And yes."

"Yes what?" He asks, now looking at Jo.

"You can have the whole damn thing if you want but only if I'll get the whole damn thing with your twins too." She throws him a toothless smile.

"Are you saying-"

"I'm saying after all I still love you and I wanna do this with you. I'll probably need a little more time to fully trust you again but I want them to have their dad around." She nods, not interrupting their stare.

"Thank you." He really doesn't know what other to say.

They get interrupt by a knock and the door opening.

"I'm so sorry Jo that it took this long. I got pulled into a surgery with Bailey- Oh my god you had the babies." Levi stops in this movement.

"Thanks Levi." Jo smiles at him.

"Sure. They are perfect, Jo. Congratulations."

He smiles at them before he puts the bag down at the door and leaves the four alone again.

"How come you call him Levi?" Alex asks interested, watching her carefully.

"He was my roommate for a while right after you left." She answers, carefully stroking her daughters rosy cheek.

"Oh-"

"And Taryn too." She adds, taking her glance of her daughter now looking at him again.

"Who?" He asks, scrunching his nose as he returns her glance.

"Helm."

"Oh ok."

Another knock at the door interrupts them. This time it's one of the nurses.

"Are you up for some visitors?" She asks carefully before she opens the door completely as Jo nods. And the twins come into the room.

"Hey guys. Come on in." Alex assures them as they are a little careful. But within a minute they are on the bed with the rest.

"Eli, Alexis those are Emery and Parker." Alex announces with the biggest smile an his face. Right in this moment he was the happiest man alive.

"They are so tiny." His daughter marvels over her little siblings. Scooting closer to her dad to have a better look at her new baby brother.

"They are." Jo laughs at the twins reaction.

"But they are soo cute." Eli adds, scooting a little closer to Jo to get an even better look.

"Right? Don't you think that Parker looks just like your daddy?" Jo asks, pulling the blanket a little from Parker's face so the twins have a better few.

"A little." Alexis agrees with a nod.

"Can we hold them?" Eli asks excited, scooting even closer to Jo.

"Sure. Are you guys strong enough to get me this bag?" Jo asks them, ponying towards the bag Levi just brought.

"I'll get it."

"Thank you, Eli. Let's get them dressed then you can hold them ok?"

The twins nod before they help Jo dressing Emery and Parker. When the smallest Karevs are dressed Jo gets something else out of the bag and hands one to Alex.

"I think you were right about their heads. These are a little big now but just think about their heads if they would have been full term."

"Where do you have those from?" Alex looks at the little hat in his hand, before he looks at Jo.

"Your mom send them."

"You're still in touch with my mom?" He blankly.

"Yeah. And Amber and Matt. And I finally met Aaron too-"

"When?" He asks quite surprised.

"Well your mom invited me to Easter and Amber, Matt, the kids and Aaron where there too."

"We would have been there too but the twins were sick," Alex gasps, looking at Jo.

"Well now we're all gonna be there for Christmas." Jo smiles at him.

"We will." He smiles back.

[yutahoes]

Different

summary : You just wished everything was different. 

word count : 2.3k words

warning : Mention of One Night Stand and Alcohol 

genre : I don’t really know how to tag this. Fluff? Angst? Can you call this that?

taglist : @ailoveyuta​ @killmeminyoongi​ @yutazen01​ 

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

Y/N woke up hearing small footsteps from outside her room and smiled to herself, she knew by heart to whom they belong. It's Sunday though, why is he up early? And why is he quietly approaching her room? Haru quietly opened the door to her room, tiptoeing to where she was sleeping, and somewhat, she's glad that she's wearing decent pajamas to sleep in last night. "Eomma," he called softly, hearing a faint rustle in the background.

The five-year-old climbed up her bed, giving his mother a hug. "Eomma, wake up," he said once again, a little louder this time that made her turn to him while slightly opening her eyes. "Happy Mother's Day, eomma." he greeted, making her smile. Is that why he's up this early?

"Good morning, my Haru." she greeted with a smile, surprised to see someone leaning by her doorway and looking at the two of them. What is Yuta Nakamoto doing here? "Did you have a nice sleep?" And the child nodded, smiling at her the same way as his father did. They really do have that same lovely smile that whenever the younger would smile, she would be reminded of Yuta.

It was a graduation after-party. She got drunk and the next thing she knew, she’s sleeping next to the almighty soccer jock, naked. Although they had few conversations before, she and Yuta were never really close. It was a mistake, she knew. But Haru is the best mistake that happened in her life. A mistake she’s sure she’ll repeat over and over again.

Her pregnancy isn’t a secret to him but he made sure that they cannot have anything more than just the mother and father of the child. It’s alright, she thought. She can even take care of her son alone but Yuta just had to enter her son’s life like this.  

Haru bounced on her bed, smiling at the man by the doorway who was carrying a plate in his hands. "Appa and I made something for you to thank you for giving birth to me and being a great eomma," he said that made her smile, surprised at the sudden eloquence. True enough, for a five-year-old, he is ahead of his classmates since he can speak fluently at age three and can converse in both his mother tongue and Japanese.

The older handed the younger a plate of pancake with chocolate syrup drawing of a heart, coffee also present by her bedside table. "This was all appa's idea," he said with a grin present on his face. "He even brought you a present."

Y/N looked at the door to see Yuta bringing in a bouquet of flowers and pink heart-shaped balloons. "I'm sorry for crashing in without your knowledge but Haru wanted this to be a surprise," he said sincerely that made the girl purse her lips in gratitude.

"Thank you…" she said quietly when he handed her the bouquet and admired the sunflowers in the bunch. She had always loved sunflowers. Does he know? Or maybe Haru told him. "Yuta-shii." she continued.

The girl grinned at her son, cupping his cheeks to give him a smooch. "Thank you, my Haru." And the younger guy giggled at the affection. Ever since young, her son had always liked the affection from her unlike other guys his age who wanted to act tough in front of their moms. Probably because it's always the two of them.

"Appa said that since it's a special occasion, we can go somewhere that you really want, eomma..." The younger claimed while licking the chocolate on his fingers. "Like the aquarium." And Y/N had to giggle at that. When did she say that she liked the aquarium? It was actually Haru who really wanted to go to the aquarium. "Right appa?" he asked while munching on the pancakes that made the girl smile.

Yuta just nodded and she wondered when the two became this close. Their soccer bonding? Is it really a good idea to let Haru know about his father? "You can just ask me if you want to go to the aquarium..."

"But I want to go with you and appa to the aquarium," he stated that made her look at him. Maybe he really is yearning for a family, a complete one like his classmates. "Please eomma," he begged, showing his puppy dog eyes. Where did he get this aegyo from? Probably from Yuta. The only girl just nodded, making the young boy scream in delight. "I love you, eomma. I'll get ready now." He said while peppering her face with kisses that made her laugh. Why is Haru like this?

He quickly ran off outside her room and into his, creating a loud thud from the door. The girl just kneeled down on her bed, fixing the sheets and removing the plate of now gone pancakes. "I'm sorry. Haru is always like that when he wants something," she said softly and Yuta was quick enough to get the plate. "Are you sure about this, Yuta-shii? Haru can be really hyper outside," she claimed then drank the coffee in one go. This is sweeter than the usual coffee she has.

The guy just smiled getting the coffee cup from her. "It's fine, I want to spend time with Haru anyway." She just nodded, unable to say something. Sensing the awkwardness, Yuta just laughed. "Cute pajamas, by the way." he complimented and she lightly glanced at the matching top and bottom light blue pajamas with yellow rubber ducks as design.

Y/N giggled to hide her embarrassment. "It's a matching set with Haru."

"You've always liked cute stuff like that." The comment made her stop. Huh? Why does he know that? Yuta cleared his throat at the sudden awkwardness. "I'll help Haru get ready. We'll just wait for you outside." And she just nodded, hearing the door close as she sat by her bed. Why is this so awkward for her? And what does Yuta want now?

From inside her room, while getting ready, she could hear Haru's giggles as if he's really happy with something. Once done, she went out of the room to see the young boy already dressed and on his father's lap laughing at something on Yuta's phone. "Appa, I think ojisan and obasan are really cool. Do you think eomma would let me meet them?" he asked innocently which made Y/N surprised. Does he want to meet them that badly?

Yuta nodded. "They'll be very happy to meet you. Let's ask eomma if we can go to Japan sometime." This is bad. They can never know about Haru, they shouldn't. She should prevent Yuta from taking over Haru's life.

"Eomma," Haru called that surprised her, snapping her out of her thoughts. "You look really pretty." And she honestly wanted to laugh at that, she's only in her white shirt and jeans. Is her son really whipped for her like this? "Isn't she, appa?"

Her eyes darted to Yuta who was looking at her with a surprised yet amused expression, he smiled then nodded. "Your mom is always pretty." Her face felt warm that instant, a blush creeping in her cheeks at how he said those words.

"Let's go! I'm excited to see the fishes." Haru said excitedly, that made her blink. He then held his father's hand, running outside the door.

Y/N is again thinking deeply about this scenario, is it correct to let Yuta in Haru's life? The doctor said that it is indeed good for him and she had been a witness to how his health got better when he had soccer and he bonded with his dad. But is it good for them?

Yuta opened the door to the backseat and the younger boy smiled before getting in. The girl was about to get in when he closed the door then pointed at the passenger seat that made the two adults look at each other. "I'm sorry," she said but Yuta shook his head, opening the passenger door for her.

It was really awkward. She didn't know that she'll be this close to the father of her child after the night they conceived him. She has no idea that a time will come and she would be next to Nakamoto Yuta like this. He's always an unattainable person for her, really cool and famous. Why does it have to be him? Alcohol is such a bitch.

The aquarium is full of people because of the weekend and it's a special occasion. Haru was holding tight on his father's hand as he shared to the older trivia about fishes that he would always read in his books. She was just watching how natural their interaction is, how excited her son is with the presence of Yuta. An emotion that she hadn't seen in him for five years. If things were just different, this might be an image she would witness every day.

Haru was playing in the playground when he sat in front of her, smiling. "Thank you for doing this, Yuta. Haru is really happy."

The guy just nodded then sipped on his cola. "You know I'll do everything for him." A shy smile appeared on his lips as he watched his son play with the other kids. "I already talked to Mika…" If only things were really different. "She wanted Haru to come with us to Japan." A gasp escaped her lips and she looked petrified. They wanted to take Haru from her? "I know it's a stupid idea but Haru can get treated in Tokyo…"

"I'm doing my best to take care of Haru." She revolted, tears springing from her eyes that they're starting to attract attention. She's doing everything for him all these years, taking care of him and juggling her job on the side. Yet Yuta wants to take him away from her when he just entered his life. "Please don't take Haru away from me."

He gulped hard, moving to the seat next to her. "I'm sorry. That's a really stupid idea." He mumbled, wiping her tear-stained cheeks. "Please don't cry. I don't like seeing you crying." He handed her a handkerchief and she quickly dried her tears, complaining that this is the first time she cried in front of him. "You always cry in the library during junior year."

What? How come he knew that? "Eomma, are you crying?" Haru asked, returning from the playground and looking really worried. She quickly turned around from him to hide her tears. "Did appa make you cry?"

The guy gave a heavy sigh then carried the younger boy on his lap. "Haru, do you remember the talk we had about eomma?" He nodded while giggling. "Can you promise me that you'll take care of eomma while I'm in Japan?" Yuta asked which made her look at the two of them. She hated how they looked so comfortable with each other like they shared a special secret between the two of them.

"You're going to return for my birthday, right?"

"Of course." Yuta grinned. "And eomma's birthday as well." Another surprise. Does he know her birthday? "But for now, appa had to work hard in Japan for you to meet obasan and ojisan."

The younger boy nodded in excitement and she hissed. Isn't he liking this so much? "Is that why eomma is crying? Because she'll miss you?" This kid really.

Yuta had to laugh at that. "Eomma likes ice cream, can you get her one?" he asked the younger boy who nodded when he gave him cash. "Chocolate for eomma. And you get one for yourself, as well." The younger can be seen skipping to where the ice cream is but her eyes cannot leave Yuta's face. Is he doing this to take Haru away from her?

"I'm sorry." The sincerity in his eyes was all Y/N could see right now. "You're doing a fantastic job taking care of Haru. I'm glad you're his mom." He held her hand that was above the table, his thumb running along the back of her hand. "But please, Y/N, if anything happens…" He looked conflicted, a new image of Yuta in front of her. "If you need anything, call me. You know I'll drop anything for Haru."

He does care about Haru but she refuses to believe that lie. There's one thing that Yuta cannot drop for their son. "Just, whatever it is, call me." She nodded just as the younger boy came with chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

Haru was still grinning on the ride home, wishing that the day could extend more. She wished the same thing. "Thank you, appa." Haru beamed, hugging his dad. "I'm really happy." She badly wanted to tear up at that, he really is. The happiness that only his father can give.

The two were still talking secretly that made her smile, Haru is giggling and Yuta is smiling at him. The younger went inside the house, running. "Yuta, thank you."

"Anything for Haru."

She smiled bitterly. Of course, it's for Haru. "Please say hi to your wife for me." The image of him in conflict appeared once again, replaced by a smiling one. "Take care, Yuta."

"You too, Y/N." He said then held her arm, lightly squeezing. This should have been romantic for her. If only things are… "I wish things were different." He mumbled, her eyes widened in surprise. "Nevermind." He shook his head then smiled at her way. "I'll see you and Haru soon."

Y/N had to repeatedly remind herself that he's doing this for his son. Nothing more, nothing less. That she should stop assuming that everything will be fine and they'll be a happy family. That's highly impossible.

Yes, she had his child. But she can never have Yuta's heart.

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Second Part