#but my GOD I’ve seen so many gorgeous edits of him today it’s making me insane

[rinhaler]

My megumi crush is absolutely through the roof btw

[jae-daddy]

Duff (11)

im jaebum au series 

one / two / three / four / five / six / seven / eight / nine / ten / eleven / twelve masterlist

pairing: im jaebum x reader  genre: angst, mature, smut  plot: you are the duff and guys use you to get close to your best friend, heather, and turns out Jaebum is no exception, but as time goes on the tension between you and your best friend’s unofficial boyfriend grows a/n: it’s been a while, my bad. but the next chapter is going to spicyyyyyyyy. not edited, hope yall enjoy it <3 stay safe out there <3

Your jaw dropped as the driver drove through the gates and up the long driveway to Park Jinyoung’s mansion. You knew he was rich, but you didn’t know he was this rich. But even more than the vast wealth the Parks had, you were more taken by the decorations that started from the gate all the way up to the main entrance. 

You turned towards Jaebum who was watching you already. You felt the golden glow of the lights outside flow into the unlit car, and somehow you could see something glint in his dark eyes. 

“It’s so beautiful, isn’t it Mr Kim?” you looked out the window again, to see the sparkling lights making a rendition of Van Gough’s starry night. You smiled to yourself a bit, “It might be a bit cliche and basic, but starry night is my favourite piece of artwork.” 

The driver hummed in reply, saying something about taking a picture for his daughter.

Jaebum didn’t reply, and you didn’t mind. Him and you weren’t exactly on friendly speaking terms, well at least not in your books. 

Since that day in the office, Jaebum had tried to talk to you numerous of times, but you avoided him. You didn’t want to hear his empty apologies or empty excuses or empty flirty, or whatever meaningless, empty words he wanted to say to you because he was feeling bored. 

You didn’t even think he would pick you up today, but when you called up your driver, Jaebum had pulled up in his sleek black car. It was a moment that you seen in movies, where the male lead sees the female lead with her makeover for the first time, and he’s blown away. 

But Im Jaebum wasn’t blown away. He wasn’t even fazed, if anything he found you so unappealing that he couldn’t bear to look at you for more than two seconds without looking away in pain. 

Was he always such an asshole?

He probably was, but back then he was trying to charm you with his sweet words. Maybe, he was a sicko who liked girls who weren’t into him, and as soon as you showed him any interest he vanished into the night. 

The car stopped at the red carpet laid out at the entrance, and you began to check your outfit and lipstick for the last time before reaching for the door. Your hand was reaching for the handle when the door swung open, and a hand reached in for you. 

You placed your hand in theirs, and carefully got out of the car. 

You stepped out to find yourself chest to chest with Jaebum. His fingers gripping onto your fingers as you stared up at him. 

You cleared your throat and began taking a step away from him, when he reached out and pulled your body against his by your waist. Your hands laid flat against his chest, the black material feeling rich on your skin. HIs dark eyes drifted to your lips, before they looked away purposefully. 

You turned around to find the car driving off behind you that you were about to bump into. You looked up at Jaebum, your cheeks tainting pink, “Thanks.” 

“Watch where you’re going,” was all he replied, as he let you go. 

Your heart once again sank at the lack of endearment, but you ignored it and adjusted the dress before you began following Jaebum into the mansion. 

Jaebum was instantly surrounded by people. People lining up around him, trying to play it off as they waited for their turns for introductions. You were right next to Jaebum, introducing him to everyone. 

The first hour was spent just like that, making introductions and standing next to Jaebum and pretending like you were invisible. The other important people only gave you a passing glance before looking away, no one stared for too long. You weren’t worth their time. 

You didn’t mind though. 

You enjoyed the architecture of the building and the artworks hanging around the hall. This must have really been a castle at some point you concluded after an hour of staring at the walls. You wondered which kind of ruler lived here before, but you knew for certain whoever it was wasn’t a good person; no in power ever is. 

Jaebum and you had drifted away about fifteen minutes ago, but you kept an eye out for him. He was currently taking to Paul from work, so you thought he was in safe hands. You took another mini-sausage roll before washing it down with another glass of expensive champagne. 

You didn’t like that taste even though it was exquisite. All it did was remind you of the night Jinyoung engaged to that woman in front of you, after telling you he loved you a few hours ago. 

“I finally found you,” a deep voice spoke behind you. His voice fell over you like velvet, and you struggled to breath. 

You turned around, already annoyed, “What are you doing here, Jinyoung?”

“You’re casual and feisty today,” he chucked, moving to stand next to you. He picked up a mini-sausage and popped it into his mouth, before waving a hand around, “This is my party, incase you’ve forgotten, y/n.” 

You snorted, “How can I forget with this champagne? Tell me, was this your favourite before you chose her or did it happen after?” 

“Woah,” Jinyoung tried to take the glass from you, but you moved it out of his reach, “How many of those have you had?”

“None of your business,” you gave him a straight smile. “None of these people are drinking anything anyway. And I needed a drink, it’s just been so hard lately.” 

You leaned your head on his shoulder, but straightened your spine right away, “I’m not drunk, Jinyoung. I just don’t have the energy to fight or pretend, at least not with you, not tonight.” 

“I don’t know if that is a compliment or not,” Jinyoung clicked his tongue, playfully. “I kind of like it when you fight with me.” 

“God, you’re such a perv, Jinyoung,” you groaned, and he laughed. 

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand and gesturing to the dance floor. “Dance with me?” 

“No, thanks.”

“Why not?” 

“Are you sure you want to dance with me?” You asked him, with a knowing look. “I know this is a party, but I am still just an assistant here. Are you sure your reputation won’t hurt from dancing with someone like me? I’m not made of money like you, Jinyoung.” 

“Beauty and wealth are both welcomed here, y/n,” Jinyoung took your hand in his, “And you have a wealth of beauty, my dear.” 

He brought your hand to his face, his lips brushing over your knuckles. 

“Oh, right,” you chuckled, your heart sinking slightly. “You think I am pretty.”

Your gaze went to Im Jaebum who didn’t spare you a single glance. Your eyes fell on the girl he was talking to, and you couldn’t help but notice how different she was to you. You couldn’t but notice how different Jaebum looked talking to her; kind and well-mannered. 

“I’ve always found you beautiful, y/n,” Jinyoung said, drawing your attention back to him. “That’s why I was drawn to you in the beginning, and when I got to know you... well, I guess that was the end of me.” 

You laughed lightly as you placed your hand on his shoulder, and the other in his hand. His hands rested on the curve of your clothed hip. 

“But today,” he smiled at you, “You looked absolutely gorgeous.”

“Don’t exaggerate, Jinyoung. If you were so taken by me,” you laughed, teasingly, giving him a look. You continued your words turning sour, “You would’ve chosen me.” 

“You know how things were back then, y/n,” Jinyoung sighed, he closed his eyes to take a deep breath. He opened them to stare into yours with so much emotion, you couldn’t breathe. 

“I looked for you, you know,” he spoke over the music. You couldn’t blink or breath as you stared at Jinyoung. His brows creased as if he was rethinking a painful event. “After I decided to end the engagement... after I broke it off, I looked for you. I searched for you, but I couldn’t find you anywhere.” 

“I- I went back home,” you whispered. You saw yourself laying in a pool of your vomit and urine, and your mother and father crying around your limp body. “I couldn’t stay here. Everyone was talking about you... it was too much.” 

“Y/n,” Jinyoung said, softly. You looked up to meet his gaze. “It’s nice to have you back. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” 

“Jinyoung-” 

“May I cut in?” 

“Always interrupting us, isn’t he, y/n?” 

You turned to find Jaebum glaring holes into Jinyoung’s head. 

“What if I say no?” Jinyoung pouted, teasingly. Jaebum sighed, his patience running thin. You looked around to see people already turning this way. 

“Stop it,” you gritted through your teeth at the both of the them, your lips holding a smile. “People are starting to look.” 

“I’ll dance with him for a bit,” you smiled at Jinyoung, “Thank you Jinyoung.” 

Jinyoung smiled back at you before giving you a cheeky wink. You chuckled watching him walk away. 

“You both seem closer than last time,” Jaebum said from behind you. You shrugged stepping closer to him placing a hand on his shoulder and the other in his hand. You were holding Jinyoung the same way a few moments ago, but somehow this felt different. 

The soft velvet of his jacket, the heat of his skin, the short hair tickling your fingertips at the nape of his neck. It was all somehow more intense, more intimate. 

Jaebum’s warm hands wrapped around yours as he took another step closer towards you. HIs other hand rested on your waist, pulling you in closer as it rested on the small of your back. His thumb caressed the exposed skin from your dress and you drew in a sharp breath. 

You didn’t say anything as you looked up at him. His dark eyes bore into yours, his lips drawn and tight. His jaw clenched and sharp, his black eyelashes gently fluttering across his cheekbones. 

He was beautiful. 

He was a sin in this all black suit made to precision for him. His hair was styled in-between completely swept back and lazy natural. His lips were rosy pink, and even without his lip-ring you wanted to taste them between your lips. 

You leaned closer to him. HIs thumb gently caressing your back, electricity dancing up your spine making your head spin. You welcomed his minty breath falling over your lips, as your eyes fell to his lips. And to his neck, watching as he swallowed nervously. Your gaze fluttered up to meet his eyes fixed on your face. 

You looked away from him feeling your cheeks flush, “Are you having a good time tonight, sir?” 

Jaebum only hummed in reply, his dark eyes still trained on you. 

Your eyes met his intense gaze for a moment before looking away instantly, “It’s a beautiful place, isn’t it?” 

“Yes, it is,” Jaebum said. You didn’t say anything more and bit your lip wondering if you should continue to dance with him or excuse yourself. 

You looked up at Jaebum, your hands letting go off him. 

Jaebum’s hand held yours tighter as he pulled you in closer by your waist. Your front was completely pressed against him now, and your body shivered as he leaned his lips close to your ear. 

You felt his warm breath caress the slope of your neck, and you closed your eyes letting the feeling sink deep within your bones. 

Jaebum drew his lips higher, his softness brushing against the shell of your ear as he whispered, “Thank you for everything, y/n.” 

You remained like that for a moment. Soaking in his presence, his heat, his touch, his breath, him somewhere deep inside your heart, and then you leaned back. 

“Thank you for giving me this opportunity, Mr Im,” you smiled up at him. 

Jaebum stared at you with an unreadable expression as his lips parted. 

“You must be glad you’ll be getting a proper secretary now,” you laughed, but there was no humour between you two. 

“I might not stay.”

“I know,” you nodded, “But if you do, I think it’ll be the biggest win for the company.”

Jaebum might be an asshole, a player; a complete fuckboy. But he was also hardworking, intelligent and gave his all into his work and accomplished a lot within the last three months you were working with him. 

“Loosing you is probably the biggest loss,” he said, pausing for a moment. “For me.” 

“I’m sure there are more qualified then me for this job.” 

“But I only want you, y/n.” 

You breath got caught at his words. Your wide eyes met his that stared at you as if you were the stars and the moon. As if once again you were presented to him as impossible puzzle, and he wanted to get lost in trying to solve you. 

He moved in closer, and lowered your gaze to avoid his heated ones. 

Jaebum lifted his hand from your waist. His fingertips brushed your cheeks with the slightest touch as he whispered, “You look beautiful, y/n.”

“Jaebum, stop it.” You began moving out of his arms, but he pulled you back in. His fingers digging into your waist as he held you steady in front of him. 

“Why?” His fevered breath fell over your face as you looked up at him. His eyes were wild with darkness, but it didn’t scare you. It only made you mad, so terribly horribly mad. 

“Why?” You spat, quietly. Your chest was heaving as you tried to control the anger that had been swelling inside you over the past month. 

“Don’t you think we’re past these little games of yours?” You sneered up at him. Your hand on his shoulder tightened as you tried to control yourself. “We already know I fell for it. Do you wanna see if I’ll fall for it again after being rejected once?” 

Jaebum didn’t say anything so you snorted. The sneer on your dark lips growing as you looked down your nose at him, “I won’t let you lead me on again, only to make a fool of me like that. I’m not going to play this sick game of yours.” 

Jaebum’s fingers bit harder into your waist making you gasp as he pulled you flush against him. HIs nose almost brushed against yours, as he breathed harshly, “A game? You think all of this was a game for me?” 

“What else could it be?” You snickered at him, both your hands flattening on his shoulder, trying to push him away with attracting any attention. But he wouldn’t budge a centimetre. You gritted through your teeth as you glared up at him, “Why else would you pretend to be into me? Play with me like that?”

Play with my feelings like that?

Jaebum’s hands rested on your exposed back as he held you steady against him. His jaw clenched, his eyes furious as he tried to control his breathing. 

“It wasn’t a game for me.” 

You ignored his words. 

“Then what was it?” You bit back. “You made it seem like you felt the same way only to reject me when I-”

“I didn’t reject you,” Jaebum cut you off. 

You began laughing mockingly, and Jaebum shook you slightly to make you look at him.  

You didn’t say anything and looked up at him, your lips parted in surprise. 

“Do you,” Jaebum whispered, leaning in closer to you as he leaned his forehead against yours. His eyes stirring golden as they stared into yours, his fingertips softly dancing on your back, causing fire to dance through your vines. “have any idea how crazy you make me, y/n?” 

Suddenly it was all too much. His touch, the way he was looking at you, the things he was saying. The lights shining down upon you two, the chattering of people around you. It all became to loud too much. Your heart beat loudly in your ear as you took a step away from him. 

Jaebum looked at you, expectantly. You stared him, unable to hear a single bought. The only thing you could hear was your heart beating thumping loudly in your ear. 

Your lips parted, you were going to say something. You weren’t sure what. Jaebum’s gaze fell to your lips, waiting for you to the say the words. You took another step back, not saying a single word. 

The smile on Jaebum’s lips dropped as your brows creased as a sudden panic before settling in your chest. You needed to get away.

“I-” you began. 

“Y/n!” You turned to saw a fury of red first, and then her smiling face as she jumped in front of you. “I didn’t know you were coming here.” 

Heather turned to Jaebum, placing a kiss on his cheek. His eyes remained on you, his face void of any emotions. 

Heather smiled at you, “Go away, JB. I won't let you steal my best friend.” 

// 

You were next to Heather the rest of the night, but your eyes still followed the man in the black suit. His sharp eyes met yours throughout the night, but every time you looked away. 

You were looking at him once again. There was something pleasant about his lips when he talked, and the way those whiskers appeared on his cheeks when he would smile or laugh brightly. You couldn’t look away from him no matter how hard you tried. 

You watched him talk to Park Jinyoung with a frown on his face, that deepened when Jinyoung looked your way and winked. His hard glaze travelled to you, as his lips drew into a straight line. 

You looked away once again, your cheeks on fire. 

“Are you okay?” Heather asked. You looked towards her to find her following your gaze to the pair of males. 

“Mhmm,” you nodded, taking a sip of the champagne.

You watched Heather take a sip too, but you noticed that knowing smile on her lips. 

This was all too dangerous.

[hopesbarnes]

Summary: It’s been a long day, and all you really want is get a little stress relief. Preferably the type with no clothes and a man between your thighs.

Pairing: Post CA:TWS Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol Consumption, Curse Words, SMUT 18+ (oral sex {f & m recieving}, face fucking, derogatory words, light bondage, use of underwear as a gag, fingering, metal arm kink, let me know if i left a warning out please) - if underage do not read or engage!!

A/N: Major thank you to @starbxcks​ for beta reading this and helping edit it, and to @ballyhoobarnes​ for helping with my awful russian translations. Love you both💓 (ps guys this is so different from my usual writings, let me know if i should keep it up👀)

You had one thought on your mind when you entered the lounge. And it was not an innocent one. Today had been awful, and you just wanted to deal with it with orgasms. So you made sure to look the part, short dress that dipped a little too low in the cleavage and heels high enough you could reach the sky. The looks you got walking down the sidewalk and snickers from men catcalling you didn’t even matter.

You were desperate enough to break out the expensive perfume. It was that type of bad day. You even got a hotel room, knowing you didn’t want this night to bleed into your night in any way. Just a simple hookup. 

When you get into the building it’s packed. The lights are low and neon lights illuminate from above. You walk straight to the bar and ask the bartender for a vodka shot and down it before scoping out the room. 

To the end of the bar sits a man that immediately holds your attention. His dark hair is tied back in a bun, and he has a leather jacket on. You silently hope he’s a biker because you’re in the mood for something dangerous. You take a seat a few chairs down from his and look over at him again. This time he meets your gaze and you’re awestruck by his eyes. You can’t make out the exact color, but they’re piercing. His face is covered in scruff and he is the most gorgeous man you’ve seen in a long time. 

He sticks his hand up, covered in a leather glove, to signal for the bartender and after a few moments, you’re given a colorful cocktail that looks more sugar than alcohol. You walk over to him and take the seat next to him. 

“Thank you for the drink. Although it’s not really my kind of drink,” you say with a devious smirk.

“What’s a pretty girl like you drink then?” he asks turning his body towards you.

“Scotch and soda,” you say and he orders the drink giving the other one back. He looks like he’s nursing a bourbon. 

“You meeting up with someone?” he asks looking at your silky blue dress.

“Just you,” you say boldly sipping on your drink. He nods and a small smile sits on his face. 

“Just me huh?” he says with a light chuckle. 

“You wanna stay and chit chat, or do you want to see what’s beneath this?” you ask grabbing your purse from the counter.

He chokes a bit on his drink but reaches into his wallet and places a couple of bills down and follows you out of the dimly lit lounge. 

You guide the man towards your hotel, but realize you should probably know his name before you screw this man six ways to Sunday. 

“What’s your name?” you ask in the hotel lobby.

“James,” he says quickly. 

“Call me Y/N when I’m beneath you,” you say winking and tug him into the elevator. He follows along but the moment the doors shut he is anything but submissive. 

James’ lips are searing against yours. His mouth molds against yours as he pushes your back against the wall of the small chute. One hand cups your face gently while the other is pushed against the wall keeping the pair of you steady. His tongue licks the seam of your mouth begging for an entrance. A sinful moan leaves your throat and he groans at the noise. 

With a ding, you pull apart and drag him out of the lift and towards your hotel room. You can barely focus enough to get the key in the door before he opens the door and slams it shut throwing the key into the room without caution. He immediately meets you again and the gasp that leaves your lips is enough for him to tangle his tongue with yours once again. He lifts you up and walks you into the room, and you’re tugging his hair the entire time. 

You trail your lips to his neck as he sets you down and he takes the moment to rid himself of the jacket. After leaving your mark on his body (for the first of many times tonight) you go to take off the gloves but he flinches. 

“I’ve got-” he says showing you a metal appendage. Your eyes go wide and he goes to recover it but you grab the glove.

“If that isn’t in me at least once tonight, then this has been a waste of my time,” you say and he blinks at you twice before smirking and reaching behind you to undo the tie holding your flimsy dress together. 

You loosen the dress and let it pool at your feet, and kick your heels off as well. It wasn’t the kind of dress to be held down by a bra, and you toss your thong to the side. It leaves you in front of him bare. But that doesn’t seem to bother him at all, in fact, it has the exact effect you hope for when you notice his jeans tighten around his bulge. He rips his t-shirt off his body and you can tell that his entire shoulder is scarred. But you pay it no mind and rake your long nails up his abdomen. 

“You gonna put those pouty lips to use for me, сахар?” he asks and you nod. Something about hearing him speak a foreign language just made this man hotter. 

You kneel down in front of him and undo his belt and pull it off. You go to put it on the ground when he grabs it from you instead. He bends it around your arms creating two loops for your hands. He slides it tighter and drops your arms behind your body. 

“Okay?” he asks.

“Okay.” You answer, already feeling your excitement coat your thighs. This would be a night you wouldn’t forget for sure. 

James pulls off his jeans and boxers and you can’t help but stare at how big he is. You’re not going to be able to walk straight tomorrow, that’s for sure. 

“You gonna suck me filthy girl?” he asks stepping closer to you. You nod your head in obedience, licking your lips at the thought of him deep down your throat. “Treat me right and I’ll fuck that poor neglected pussy with my hand, tongue, and cock. Не могу Дождаться когда я увижу тебя разрушил.”

You can’t believe he actually said that and a moan slips from your lips in response. James slips his thumb between your glossy lips and you suck on it. He grabs his hard cock and brings it to your lips. You lick a long stripe up the vein beneath him and kiss down the sides teasing him. But you can tell he doesn’t like this when he pulls your head to look him in the eyes. You bat your eyelashes and keep eye contact as you pull just the tip of him into your mouth.

He loops his hand in your hair creating a ponytail to tug on. You pull back and repeat the entire motion, licking him up, kissing him, and sucking just the smallest amount of him. You know you’re teasing the man but you can’t help it. After giving considerable attention to the pre-cum covered tip you bob your head and take half of him into your mouth. He lets out a deep groan and it goes straight to your core. 

“Fuck me,” he groans and you set a slow pace of taking just half of him into your mouth. You make sure to breathe through your nose steadily and calm yourself as you take more of him in. You make sure to look back up at him and pull your head back leaving your mouth open in a perfect O. 

James takes the hint and smirks and starts thrusting his hips into your mouth. You wish more than anything to be able to trail a hand down to where you need it most, but his belt constricts this. So you let yourself be his personal toy for a few minutes. He uses a combination of thrusting his hips and pulling your hair to create a perfect face fucking speed. 

The whole time he’s muttering words you don’t understand, “такие красивые сиськи” and “не могу дождаться, чтобы увидеть вас на моем петух ребенка”

You can feel tears running down your face and you know you must look like a wreck but to be honest, you do not care at all. 

You can see his breathing get rougher, and his stomach muscles contract. “Гавно,” he says darkly and you know he’s close. There’s spit drooling down your mouth, and it mixes with the tears he caused.

“You’re gonna swallow it all, hear me Котик?” he says tugging harshly on your hair. All you can do is blink in response, your hands and head are not your own at this moment. 

James speeds up his thrusts and with a deep grunt, he shoots his seed down your throat. The salty smell coats your senses and you swallow it all down. You make sure to lightly suck him clean and he pulls out and makes sure to trail the last little bit from your lips into your mouth. 

“Such a good little cock sucker, huh? Bet you want your reward now,” he notes eyeing you up and down. You nod in agreement. He walks away from you and your eyes furrow in confusion. But he comes back with a glass of water and tells you to drink it. You can’t exactly move your arms, so he helps you drink it. 

It’s a sweet moment in contrast to what’s to come. He sets the glass down on the nightstand and grabs your waist bringing you to your feet, before hauling you onto the bed. He reaches to undo the belt letting your wrists free. 

“These,” he says grabbing your hands and putting them on the headboard, “Stay here.” 

“Yes sir,” you say licking your lips excited. If his actions were anything to go by, he’d be one hell of a god at getting you off. 

You’re practically panting when his rough hand tweaks your nipple. The cold metal one slides down your skin, tracing your breasts and stomach. 

“Please,” you whine and he gives you a look.

“I liked it better when you were gagging on my cock. Quieter that way Котик,” he says as he palms one breast and slaps the other. You didn’t even know that him playing with your breasts would turn you on as much as it did but god you felt good as he palmed them.

He trains his fingers back up and places the metal ones at the seam of your mouth. You open submissively as he says “Соси”. You assume this means something along the lines of getting his fingers wet, so you coat them in your spit. 

“James, fuck me already!” you beg and he pauses his actions.

“Can’t even keep your mouth shut huh Проститутка?” he asks and reaches off the bed to grab your discarded thong. He stuffs the lacy fabric in your mouth to keep you muffle your whining. Since your mouth is no longer able to, he spits on his fingers and then, without warning, plunges them deep in you. It’s only two fingers, a much smaller width than his cock but they already have you seeing stars. 

The cold metal of his fingers gives such a high contrast to the practical heat coming from your core. You’re the epitome of hot and bothered at this moment, and the only remedy is James. This man who you just met hours ago (and has barely even touched you) is easily one of your best hookups.  

He’s pushing his fingers in and out at such a rampant pace that it’s slamming you against the headboard. Mangled moans leave your stuffed lips as you look at the delicious man between your thighs. You feel your climax building as he whispers foreign words in your ear.

“Такая плотная и мокрая киска,” he says and you don’t know what it means but it’s enough to nearly tip you over.

That is until he halts his movements and gives you a devious smirk when you lift your head to look at him.

“James!” you try to yell at him but it comes out muffled and distorted. He leans down and licks up your thigh collecting everything that’s soaked them. It is by far the hottest thing you’ve seen. He thoroughly cleans every inch of you, teasing by not touching where you need him most. 

You groan in frustration and he bites down on your thigh, sucking a hickey near where you want his lips.

“Нужно оставить напоминание обо мне, кукла. Now, be a good girl and spread your legs for me.” he says sternly. You widen them further and he tugs them apart. He lays down on his stomach and you can finally feel his hot breath on your soaked center.   

His tongue slowly licks from your opening to the hood of your clit. He groans at your taste, “sweet like cinnamon baby,” then he dives back in. His hand grips your thigh and you know it’ll be a bruise in the morning light but you don’t care. 

James licks a few more stripes, going up and down and your eyes roll back into your head as you pant. He meets your gaze and winks before spitting on your core and pushing his tongue into you, licking you out from the inside. You lift your head in time to watch him swallow your essence. 

He doesn’t let up as he sinks his tongue back in, alternating between tongue fucking you and sucking on your clit. He brings his metal hand back and pushes it in, and you feel your orgasm build again.

The suction on your clit and pressure from his fingers has twisted moans falling from your lips only muffled by the lace of your panties. 

“That’s it Котик,” he says before sucking again. And when he crooks his fingers you let go. Stars flood your senses, and you explode all over him. But James laps it all up, not letting an ounce get away from him. 

He pulls the thong from your mouth and places his fingers in your mouth to suck. You grab them with one hand and clean them for him, releasing with a pop. 

“Good baby doll?” he asks and you nod too tired to answer. “How about a bath then we continue this?” he asks and you smile.

“Just need a little bit, then I’m going to ride you into the sunset James,” you say fluttering your eyes. This was definitely the remedy to your bad day.

Translations: сахар- sugar, Не могу Дождаться когда я увижу тебя разрушил- i can’t wait to see you fucking ruined, такие красивые сиськи- such pretty tits, не могу дождаться, чтобы увидеть вас на моем петух ребенка- can’t wait to see you on my cock baby, Гавно- shit, Котик- kitten, Соси- suck, Проститутка- slut, Такая плотная и мокрая киска- such a tight wet pussy, Нужно оставить напоминание обо мне, кукла- need to leave a remind of me, baby doll

[luxekook]

bangtan host club ❯ part i

❯ pairing: ot7 x reader

❯ genre: ouran au, college au, crack, smut

❯ summary: when you had decided to take summer lessons at your college, you hadn’t factored in the impending presence of seven insufferably attractive and arrogant boys… the bangtan host club. 

❯ word count: 2.1k

❯ warnings: 18+, cursing, suggestive language, terrible pet names, excessive dramatics

❯ banner by: maggie @kimtaehyunq​

a/n: while this fic is loosely based off of the anime version of ouran highschool host club, it is set in university - meaning that all of the boys are of age (at least 21 years old)

host club members

❯ Kim Namjoon as “Kyoya Ootori” ❯ Kim Seokjin as “Tamaki Suoh” ❯ Min Yoongi as “Takashi ‘Mori’ Morinozuka” ❯ Jung Hoseok as “Mitsukuni ‘Honey’ Haninozuka” ❯ Park Jimin as “Hikaru Hitachiin” ❯ Kim Taehyung as “Kaoru Hitachiin” ❯ Jung Jungkook as “Haruhi Fujioka”

Taking summer classes had never been on my agenda, my studies having been mapped out in detail since the day I arrived on campus three years ago. And then the university’s president suddenly has this utterly groundbreaking epiphany and adjusts the curriculum to “ensure that all students will leave Bangtan University well-rounded”. 

Screw that. My ass is already well-rounded enough, thank you very much.

But despite my best efforts (i.e. begging President Kim to make an exception followed by crafting a petition that gained over ten thousand signatures), I have found that there is no avoiding the dastardly new physical education requirement. And since my schedule for my upcoming senior year has been planned and set for literal years, I’ve been forced to enroll in the sole summer physical education class offered at Bangtan University - Introduction to Weight Lifting.

I wish I was kidding.

To say that I am dreading the start of class tomorrow would be an extreme understatement. I’ll be lucky to escape this summer without physical injury or the loss of my dignity. Athletics have never been my strong suit, and I’ve only entered our campus gym to go to the smoothie bar.

Groaning at just the mere thought of working out and being graded for it, I trek down the streets of outer campus towards the library, swearing under my breath and sweating profusely.

It’s a blazing hot, blue-skied Sunday in July. Typically, I would be lying on a beach somewhere with a drink in my hand, soaking in the warmth of the sun with joy. But instead, here I am, sweltering and desperate for air conditioning after my ancient window unit wheezed its final breath last night. The comfortable chill of the library is my only hope aside from my landlord who promised to fix my air conditioning by tomorrow.

My frustration builds as I turn onto the block lined with imposing and picturesque estates in which the upper echelon of Bangtan University resides. I’d bet the very last ice-pack in my freezer that these houses have unfailing central air.

I pick up my pace, worn Doc Marten platform sandals slapping against the hot pavement. The pristine mansions seem to mock my distress as they exude the coolness of unbothered wealth. Despite there being no Greek life here at Bangtan University, the lack of letters emblazoned on the numerous estates I pass does not symbolize a lack of status. 

This block is home to the athletic teams who throw massive parties whenever they happen to be in the off-season. It’s also home to the legacy clubs - the exclusive groups of current students who are relatives of past alumni.

And last but not least, this block is home to the infamous Bangtan Host Club, a small group of idle rich boys with exceptionally good looks and a penchant for entertaining. 

The aforementioned group’s house comes into view as I draw nearer to campus. The host club’s mansion sits on the corner lot right across the street from campus. Typically, students are wary of such proximity - but not those boys. No, they’re un-phased, throwing massive parties every weekend without fail and without repercussion.

During my first semester, I had been confused as to why their parties had never been shut down; but now I know better. The host club’s president Kim Seokjin is the son of none other than the fucking president of the university - the very same man who damned me to my weight lifting fate.

In fact, almost the entire host club is related to someone with influence - either at the university or within the surrounding community. The only exception to the wealth factor is Jeon Jungkook, who attends Bangtan University on a scholarship not unlike myself.

About 99% of the university are host club stans. As for me? I don’t subscribe to that bullshit. And I do mean literally ‘subscribe’. They have newsletters, merch and everything. I would say I don’t understand it at all, but a small part of me does.

They’re fucking gorgeous. Like I’m talking Tom Ford at New York Fashion Week gorgeous. Armani catalogue centerfold gorgeous. Goddamn Sports Illustrated Men’s Swimsuit Edition gorgeous. 

In fact, I’m pretty sure Kim Seokjin actually does model in his spare time. With his long limbs, broad shoulders and pillowy lips, Seokjin certainly has the features for it. My freshman year roommate bought so many posters of Seokjin from the host club’s merch website I think I could identify him from a hundred yards away in the dark. 

“Hey!” The bellow emanates from the porch of the host club’s house and jolts me from my memories, “Hey, princess!”

I let out a snort. Whoever that pet name is directed at needs to shut that down immediately. I mean, ‘princess’? In this economy? Please. I need off this block ASAP.

“Hello? I’m talking to you, angel!” 

The voice sounds closer now, and my eyes squeeze shut. Oh god, this person cannot be talking to me, can they?

Princess? Angel?

The sheer absurdity pushes me onward, and I do not spare a single glance in the direction where the inane greetings originated. Alas, I barely make it two feet before a tall figure screeches to a halt in front of me, panting like he had just run a marathon. 

I blink as I take in the very boy who just crossed my mind a minute earlier. Kim Seokjin looms over me, chest heaving and smile gleaming.

“Cupcake, hello!” his smile grows wider, “Why didn’t you answer me? I was talking to you.”

My brain is trying to wrap itself around the unfathomable phenomenon I’m currently witnessing. The host club president is beaming down at me like I’m the last custom Rolex ever made. His white t-shirt that probably costs more than my rent stretches across his shoulders in a way that has to be illegal. 

A bead of sweat drips down my back between my shoulder blades. I don’t have time for this attractive detour; I only have time for a long sip of iced water and a seat under an air conditioning vent somewhere deep within the recesses of the quiet library.

“Were you?” I shrug, looking over his illegally broad shoulder and plotting my escape, “I didn’t realize, considering my name isn’t princess, angel or cupcake.”

I inwardly cringe at my tone. I have a tendency to be irritable when the weather is hot, and it seems like today is no exception.

Seokjin stares down at me, his cocky expression wavering for a split second before snapping back into place. “Well, tell me your name then, sunshine, so that I may cordially invite you to the host club’s latest summer extravaganza!” His dark brown eyes sparkle as he remains seemingly impervious to my building ire, beaming down at me.

“No, thank you,” I shake my head decisively and attempt to sidestep around him. 

None of my friends are on campus for the summer, and there is no way I'm going alone to a party full of strangers. That just screams bad decisions, just like the time I willingly ate the dining hall’s “Mystery Meat Special” during my second semester.

Seokjin cuts off my path yet again, and my scowl intensifies as I glare up at him, “Could you move, please?”

Seokjin gapes back at me, “D-don’t you want to come to our party?” I stare at him with eyebrows raised. He continues at a higher decibel, “Don’t you know who I am?”

The nerve of this boy. My eyes scrunch shut as I send a quick plea to anyone out there in the universe to send me patience and then internally count backwards from ten. 

“Yes, I know who you are, Kim,” I finally say, completely exasperated, “And no, I still don’t want to go to your party.”

Seokjin is gobsmacked, looking like he’s seen a ghost as he stands before me open-mouthed. For a second, I allow myself to indulge one more time in his attractiveness, my eyes wandering along his toned torso, his muscular arms, his high cheekbones, his messy brown hair. 

And then he bounces back, snapping his fingers, “Aha! I know what this is. You’re playing hard to get! Okay, I can play along with you, sunshine.”

It’s my turn to gape at him this time, watching as he mumbles to himself about how I must want him to beg for me and how he would just love to do so. I’m about to put a stop to this madness when he spreads his arms wide and announces loud enough for the entire block to hear, “Sunshine, please, attend our party! My heart longs for your presence, and I will only be happy if I can have your arm in mine next Friday night...”

I’m honestly beginning to worry about the boy in front of me. Is he completely unhinged? Am I being Punk’d right now? 

Seokjin prattles on, “So, my sun, my moon, my stars, will you please do me the honor of joining me for a night of fun courtesy of the host club? No guest has yet to be disappointed and—!”

I finally just reach up and cover his mouth with my palm, steadfastly ignoring how plush his lips feel against my skin. “Kim Seokjin!” I hiss, “I promise I am not playing hard to get. I simply do not want to go to your party. Now, please, for the love of god, let me walk by you in peace.”

Loud bursts of laughter sound immediately after I finish speaking, and I whip around to locate the source. Two boys jog over to where Seokjin and I are standing on the pavement. Their laughter doesn’t subside with their approach. If anything, it grows louder.

“Oh, come on, pres,” the pink-haired boy who I know to be Park Jimin jeers, his melodic giggles punctuating each word. “Is this how you plan on handling your first rejection?”

My eyebrows pull together in confusion as I turn to face Seokjin, only to find him lying dramatically on the lawn in front of his house with one arm throw over his face.

“Go away, Jimin,” Seokjin groans, ripping out a handful of grass and throwing it at the other boy. Obviously, he doesn't calculate for the wind and sputters when the grass blows back in his face.

“Boss, you’ve really hit a new low,” the blue-haired boy - Kim Taehyung - grins as he looks back and forth between me and the over-the-top performance happening on the lawn. All Seokjin does in return is flip Taehyung off, seeming to have learned from his grass-throwing lesson.

Well, there’s no need for me to stay a second longer within this realm of crazy.

I turn on my heel and head off towards the library, renewed in my desperation for the relief of blissfully cold air.

Alas, I don’t get too far before the two boys with colorful hair are in front of me - each with an arm thrown over the other’s shoulders. 

“Well, well, well… I must say,” Taehyung drawls.

“You’re quite an intriguing little thing,” Jimin cocks his head, looking me up and down. I try in vain to steel myself against the heated assessments both boys are giving me.

I’d heard a lot about these two - most of it being completely outlandish and borderline unbelievable. Do they really do everything together?

It’s as if that thought is written all over my face as the smirks grow on the faces of Jimin and Taehyung. “If you don’t want to come to our party for Jin-hyung…”

“Will you come for us?” Taehyung finishes Jimin’s thought, and I am almost certain that he intended for that question to be as suggestive as it sounded.

Before I can even attempt to answer, Seokjin launches up from the ground and barges in between the two boys. “Yah! That is no way to speak to a lady! Have I taught you nothing? Don’t you fools remember lesson number fifty-two on being a good host?”

“We didn’t say anything inappropriate, pres,” Taehyung shrugs, looking pleased with how riled up the older boy is growing. His pink-haired counterpart grins, “If anything, you’re the one with the dirty mind, twisting our innocent words into such filth.”

It’s as if Seokjin is struck by lightning - his shock turning him pale as a ghost before the redness overtakes him. I cannot tell if it’s due to embarrassment or anger. All I know is that I need to bounce.

When Mt. Seokjin finally erupts, I slink away and practically jog across the street to campus. Ah, free at last...

a/n: this is part one in my host club series! originally i was going to make this a giant one-shot but i figured i would just break it up into smaller pieces so that i could get some content out uwu

© luxekook do not repost, edit or translate

[lovethestars1966]

Sterek Best Friends brother Fic

So I’ve been feeling really bad about the angst in my current fic, ‘Unspeakably Desirable’. Even though the angst between my fav boys will be done with in the next chapter I wanted to post a sneak peak on my next fic in the series. It won't come out until UD is finished and it’s a shorter, more fluff fic, (shorter in comparison to my other fics. It’s still 18k plus words)

It’s an idea that I haven't been able to get out of my head and I think it’s pretty original but if I’m wrong let me know. I’d love to read someone else's take.

IDEA AS FOLLOWS

Derek needs to get a blood screening as part of a physical to enter the FBI. That includes an STD component. Scott sees the letter while Derek is out but every one else, including Stiles is home and just reads the STD part and starts waving it about scearing the shit out of Stiles. Derek and Scotts parents, unaware of Derek and Stiles, start discussing how it must be bacuse Derek is so promiscuous in front of him. It’s all a misunderstanding that is quickly cleared up when Derek gets home and almost dies of shock. It does give Stiles a good idea for a valentines day present though.

SNEAK PEAK...

“What the hell is going on in here?” Derek asks a little breathless as he beelined for the fridge. “I could hear Scott yelling from the street and I had headphones in.” He said pulling out a bottle of Gatorade. One of the many Stiles had seen him stash there. 

He looked so fucking good too. Stiles had thought that when he saw him next, after all these revelations, that he wouldn’t be able to look at him properly, but instead he couldn’t stop. Derek was gorgeous all the time but dripping with sweat and wearing tight running clothes, he looked down right fuckable, and shit please let there be an explanation for all this. Stiles trusts Derek, there has to be an explanation. 

Derek looked at him too and Stiles must be wearing his emotions on his sleeve because his boyfriends face screwed up even more, from confusion and curiosity, to concern and worry. He lifted an eyebrow as a question he couldn’t ask out loud. Are you okay? Stiles looked away then. How was he supposed to answer that because no, he wasn’t okay but he would be once Derek told him just what the hell was going on. 

It’s enough to trigger a note of hurt in Derek though and he must clue in that something serious is happening. It’s then, after a good thirty seconds of people awkwardly not answering that Mark speaks up. 

“Oh for god sakes,” He mutters reaching for the piece of paper he kept next to him and holds it out for Derek to take. “Maybe keep things like this in your room son, lest nosey brothers get wind of it.” Scott had been heatedly glaring at Derek the whole time which seemed to only confuse him more but Stiles saw the moment Derek recognised the sheet in his hand when Derek scoffed and rolled his eyes at Scott, which, not the reaction he’d been expecting.

“Really Scott?” Derek asked annoyed, “Going through other peoples mail. Is there no bar to low you won’t go under it?” He asked and what the hell is he going all high and mighty about. Scott seems to agree if his outraged sputtering is any indication. Bless this man for today saying everything Stiles couldn’t.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit pot/kettle right now?” He hisses back nodding to the paper Dereks folding up and tucking under his arm. 

Derek looks at him bewildered, “Why?” He asks as he starts to sip at his drink. Scott goes to let loose but Mark beats him too it. 

“I tried to reason with them Derek but the kid won’t listen,” He explained as he once again resumed peeling potatoes, “I said with how promiscuous you are at collage there’s no telling what you could have been introduced too and this is a smart pro-active move, I for one am proud of you.”

Derek chokes. 

He rushes to the sink to spit out the rest of his drink and Melissa is quick to reach over and start patting his back. Scott looks a little too satisfied with the outcome and Stiles itches to go and take Melissas place. 

Finally when Dereks done coughing up blue liquid he looks up in horror at Mark and asks with a croaky voice, “What?”

Mark looks confused now but elaborates anyway. “Well isn’t that the reason you got an STD screening, with as much action as I’ve been lead to believe you see it was only a matter of time?” He explains and this was the reaction Stiles had been expecting earlier. 

As Mark was talking Dereks eyes began to bulge, his breath caught, and all the colour brought up by the coughing fit a moment ago drains away to leave a pale complexion. You can see the moment it clicks and Dereks eyes snap towards Stiles troubled ones and he rushes to shake his head.

“What? No!” He shouts loudly in outrage, shocking everyone, “No, no, no that’s not what it is!”

---------------------------------------------------------

*hasn’t been edited yet so please forgive mistakes.

Links for all my other fics

Forbidden Fruit series 

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2246892

Being Forbidden Would Make Even a Lemon Taste Sweet- COMPLETE

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30499542/chapters/75214890

Unspeakably Desirable- WIP

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30839885/chapters/76135853

[pixie88]

Making Amends

Chapter 18 - Always the Bridesmaid.

A/N: I’m going to try and start editing and publishing 2 chapters a week (Next will be out Thursday as we are away this weekend for my LO’s birthday) as I have 6 drafts in ATB and 3 drafts in Addicted to You (Series 2 of ATB) Obviously if you wish to stop reading after series 1 I completely understand just let me know if you like to be untagged. Now offence taken. I hope you like it.

Read previous chapters HERE!

Warnings: Fluff & Little Angst.

Word Count: 2608

Pairings: Laila x Harry

Enjoy!

Laila just sat and listened to Zeppy for over an hour "Do you want my honest opinion?" Laila stokes her hair, she nods "I think you need to put yourself first, not your Mum, Dad or even Jade....You! If that means cutting Vicky out of your life then so be it"

She sits up "But Mum...Jade says you should forgive people's mistakes!" Laila hands her a tissue from her dresser "But you can only give someone so many chance. I get she is your Mum, but sometimes we give family more chances than we do anyone else and they expect it" Zeppy sighs knowing Laila is right.

There's a light knock on the bedroom door, Nate pokes his head in "Everything OK?" he asks, Zeppy smiles then looks at Laila "Yeah, Auntie Leia gave me some advice" Laila gets up "Why do you tell your Dad about it? I'm going to head home. If you need me just give me a call" Zeppy nods as Nate walks further into the bedroom "Thanks!" Nate smiles at her.

She says her goodbyes and makes her way home.

~*~*~*~

A few days later Laila is at work, she has clients back to back. Daniel just sends each one through, she's cleaning her hair clippers when the next client comes over and takes a seat. "Hey, I'll be with you in a minute," she throws over her shoulder not even looking at her client "OK, take all the time you need" he says in a cheery tone.

She knew that voice, they hadn't spoken since the incident in his flat, she turned "Rem? What are you doing here?" he offers her a regretful smile, "I know I had an appointment tomorrow after you finished work, but I didn't think you would turn up, so I rang up the salon booked myself in for today. Plus, I wanted to apologies for how I acted the other day, I was out of line...way out of line! I hope you'll accept my apology and if you feel the need to you can take it out on my hair I will happily accept if it means you will forgive me!"

Laila laughs at him as she throws the gown over him and wrapping her arms around him "Look, I understand you were upset, so there's nothing to forgive!" he smiles up at her in the mirror "Thank god!! I've hated not having you to speak to...You know its hard to get advice when the person you always go to for advice is the one you need advice for! Alec put me in my place soon after you left!"

She laughs, "Rem!! I don't want to know what you get up to!" she jokes making him chuckle. She feels like a weight has been lifted, she has her best friend back. She curious to know what he's going to do about Melissa, but she's too scared to ask because she doesn't want to upset him. "I can see your mind ticking over, I've known you too long to know when your thinking about something"

"Rem...." he smiles, but rolls his eyes, "You want to know what I'm going to do about my mot..I mean Melissa!" he raises a brow at her "I'll meet her, but just once to see what she wants and that's it! Can I ask you something?" she nods at him "Do you think she's serious?" she lets out a breath "She said her friend suddenly died and it made her realise, if that was her...her kids wouldn't be at her funeral. I think she wants just wants a chance. She seemed upset she didn't know you had gotten married. It's weird after I left yours the other day I went to Nate's and while I was there I was trying to convince Zeppy to stop giving Vicky anymore chances"

"Oh? What's happened with Vicky?" Laila shook her head "What's always up with her!"

"Oh, poor Zeppy! Why won't Vicky learn?! She won't stick around if she's on the gear again!" Laila starts trimming his hair "I know, but they say addiction is an illness" Rem's shook her head "We can only hope Zeppy has taken your advice and it makes Vicky realise what she could lose" Laila nod "Hmm..can only hope"

Later that evening.

Laila is putting the finishing touches to her makeup when her buzzer rings. She knew it was Harry, so she buzzes him up and leaves the front door open and runs back to the bedroom to finish up. "Gorgeous?" he calls out "In the bedroom" she calls back.

He pokes his head through the doorway "Are you ready?" he smiles at her "I think so. Do I look OK?" she is wearing a khaki cut off sleeved shirt dress which wasn't long enough to wear without bottoms, so she picked a pair of black trousers and gold and black wedge sandals. "You look perfect," she was nervous he could tell especially considering the last time she had seen Colin and Rose she had called him a miserable old git.

They had made a mends after that, but she still felt incredibly nervous, but this belated birthday meal was Colin's idea. She looks over herself in the mirror one last time, Harry steps behind her, his arm wrapping around her waist and kisses her bare shoulder "No need to be nervous! He knows not to say anything out of line again, but if he does believe me...I won't stand for it" she smiles at his reflection in the mirror before turning in his arms.

"Oh, guess who came into the salon today?!" he knew who by her smile, but he wanted to tease her "Antony Joshua?" she laughs, "No! Rem!" she's beaming "I take it you two have made up then?"

"Yep, all made up!" he kisses the top of her head "Thank god for that," he chuckles "Ready to go?" he asks her "I think so!" he takes her hand and they make their way to the restaurant in Harry's car.

When they get to the restaurant Colin and Rose are already there as they approach the table Laila takes a deep breath "Laila, Harry" Rose gets up from her seat hugging them both "Hi Rose.." "Mum, little too tight!" Harry jokes as she lets go and they all take their seat "Dad" Harry nods at Colin "Colin, Hi!" she smiles "You alright?" he asks them both. "Yeah, thanks, you?" Laila asks her nerves are still going a hundred miles per hour.

"Great! Thanks! How was your birthday? Oh, and Happy belated Birthday!" he says. Laila's thrown he is completely different from the last time they saw him "Happy birthday!" Rose says as she passes over an envelope "Thanks, yeah it was great thanks! Better than I could've imagined" she's cut off by Rose "What did Harry get you?"

Laila's hand automatically goes to her locket, Rose leans over to take a closer look, "Can I open it?" she asks "Yeah, of course" Rose flips it open and coos at the picture "Aww, that is an adorable photo of you both!" Colin leans over to have a look "It's a good one" he comments.

They both sit down "Open your card!" Rose tells her. Opening the envelope and folded up bit of paper falls out, inside it reads:

To Lovely Laila,

Happy Birthday!

We hope you had a great day!

Love Rose & Colin x

P.S. We didn't know what to get you, so we thought this might be nice for you both to enjoy. x

Opening the folded paper its a photo of an old cottage, she looks up at Rose and Colin confused, Harry, take the paper from her to take a closer look, "What's this?" Harry asks his parents "So we didn't know what to get you, so we thought maybe you to might like a free week away in our little cottage in the Cotswold's. Obviously you two can chose any week you want just let us know a few weeks ahead! Harry, don't go telling your brothers or sister!"

"Why?" he chuckles "Because they will all want a week there and I don't trust they won't trash the place" Colin shook his head "I promise we won't trash the place and thank you that's so thoughtful!" the waiter comes over to take their drinks order, Harry leans in close enough so only she can hear "Can't say the same about the bed" he whispers making her blush.

After the starter Rose and Colin are telling them all about their time away in Rome "You have to take Laila there one day!" Rose tells her son. "It's beautiful! Laila, I keep meaning to ask do you cut men's hair?" Colin surprisingly asks her "Yeah, I do"

"She's my hairdresser now" Harry winks at her "Great, do you think you could fit me in?" Colin looks over to her "Erm..yeah, sure when are you free?" She's not sure if this is a joke or not but Colin has done a 360 since the last time. "Weekends probably work out better for me"

She smiles "I work every other Saturday in the salon, but I can come to you if it's easier?" She asks him nervously "3 weeks from now work? At our house?" Laila pulls out her phone that's Saturday is her weekend off "Perfect, any time preference?"

He checks his phone "Shall we say 11 AM then we'll do lunch?" Laila can't quite believe he's asking her to do his hair "Yeah, that would be great!" she's still taken aback by it. Maybe this is him trying to build bridges? She thought.

"Laila?" she hears someone call out from behind him as she looks up, it's Lou, she smiles and gets up to greet her "Lou, how are you?" she asks as she hugs her. Laila's happy that they're at this point.. 6 months ago, Laila could never imagine even looking in Lou's direction, let alone hugging her "Sorry, Louise, this is Rose and Colin, Rose and Colin this is Louise and obviously you've met Harry, they're his parents"

"Oh how lovely to meet you!" Louise smiles "And you!" Rose says as Colin just smiles at her "Laila, you wouldn't mind coming over to our table and saying hello to Steve would you? He'd love to see you!"

"Oh..erm OK!" she looks at Harry "I'll be 2 minutes!" he winks back at her. She felt a bit nervous she hadn't seen Steve in years because she thought it was best to stay away after everything happened considering she might have just let it slip to him out of anger, but now was different she understood why Lou did what she did it. Which was all thanks to Harry, in some ways she had changed for the better because of him, he had made her more forgiving.

Now, instead of blaming her, she gratefully Josh's last day's weren't his worst days. She had seen how cancer can change someone with her Grandad Carelli, he went from running every day with his granddaughter to being to weak too lift a fork.

As they approach the table Steve looks up noticing Laila his face lights up "Laila! Oh wow! It's so good to see you!!" he beams at her.

She smiles back at him.

Back at their table.

Colin looks to where Laila is "Who is this Louise to Laila?" Rose looks over to Harry. He knew what he could and couldn't say, "She's Laila's ex fiancé's Mum" Colin looks shocked "And she's gone over to see him?!" Harry could see his Dad disapproval "No! Steve is his Dad" Rose doesn't know what to say "You're OK with her being friendly with her ex's parents?" Colin almost hisses.

"Yes, I am! Because quite frankly, being jealous of a ghost is a bit ridiculous!" Harry could see the confusion on their face "Laila, ex fiancé died of cancer," he knew he couldn't say anymore than that "Oh god! That poor girl!" Rose is shocked, Colin is speechless "Now can you see why I'm more than happy for her to be friendly with her ex's parents? Even if he was a living ex I would be fine with it because I trust Laila!"

"I can see why...she is a lovely girl" Harry has never heard his Dad say anything like that about any of his girlfriends, but he just put that down to Laila being able to win anyone over because that was the kinda girl she is.

At Lou and Steve's table.

"You know we all missed you after the funeral. You just kinda disappeared" Steve's words make her drown in guilt "Hey! It was hard for all of us Steve, you have to remember she lost someone she was going to marry. We were probably a constant reminder of what she had lost" Louise tries to make excuses for Laila. She's thankful for this "I guess Lou is right! Sorry Laila!"

"You have nothing to be sorry for Steve....honestly, it's like Lou said and to be honest, I needed to grieve by myself," she smiles at him "How are you nowadays?"

"I'm good actually....I'm here with my boy....my boyfriend and his parents," she hated telling him this, but she was already keeping something from him plus surely he didn't expect her never to find anyone after Josh. "Aww, that's sweet! How long have you 2 been together?" he seemed happy for her which was a relief to her "I asked him to be my boyfriend over 2 months ago now" Steve howls "Why doesn't that surprise me! Josh always said if you wanted something you would go out and get it"

She laughs, "He is the first relationship I've had since Josh to be fair!" Lou coos "Does he make you happy?" Lou asks her "You know what he makes me incredibly happy actually," she looks over to Harry, his eyes catch hers and he throws her a wink making her blush. "I'm happy for you! You deserve to be happy...that's all Josh would have wanted for you!" Lou offers her a soft smile.

"Speaking of my boyfriend, I better get back to him! It was lovely seeing you both," she says as she gets up both Steve and Lou hug her.

She makes her way back to Harry and his parents, "Here she is!" Harry smiles and wraps an arm over her shoulder as she sits. The rest of the meal is relaxed and easy.

After they say their goodbyes to his parents, they make their way back to Laila's flat.

When they arrive the front door has been kicked in, worried someone might still be inside Harry tells Laila to call the police and he heads inside. Laila grabs his arm "Harry..."

"Laila, I'll be fine! I just want to check they're not still in there," he pushes the door open and makes his way inside.. he first checks the kitchen, when he hears someone behind him. He spins round, it's Laila holding her handbag like she's about to whack someone "Laila! Go and wait outside!" he whispers "What? and leave you to get attacked? No! Plus I have my bag! Never underestimate a women's handbag!"

"Fine! Just stay close!" he knew there was no point in arguing with her, so he continues to check all the rooms. Each have been ransacked, when they got to the living room on the wall in red spray paint were Cut her out of your life..

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 19.

@ridgy--didge​ @lem-20​ @secretaryunpaid​ @irisofpurple​ @khoicesbyk​ @txemrn​ @tea-me-kah​ @gloriousalmondvoiddreamer​ @casualpostqueen​ @beautifuluknownvoid​

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 12

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 3.4k

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This one is from our lovely Hobi’s POV! He decided he wanted to take charge for a moment so...I hope you enjoy! :D please comment and send asks so we can taaalk :D

; Flower Masterpost

-

“FOR GODS SAKE GERALT CAN YOU JUST BLO- fuck, shit, cock sucker...ah fuck it all!” You hissed in anger, clenching the Playstation 4 controller in your hands tighter and shaking it wildly as your character, Geralt, died. It turned out that Hoseok had Witcher 3 and after binge-watching all of the Netflix Witcher show, you’d begged him to bring it over so you could play it.

Today he’d finally brought it, the small case catching his eye as he was grabbing his backpack and he’d quickly stuffed it inside. He’d promised to bring it two times already and two times he’d forgotten. Not today though, today he’d been good and remembered it.

That had been four hours ago, and you’d been gripped by the game since. In fact, you’d barely even stopped to take a drink, eyes focused intently on the screen as you fought, magicked and cursed your way free of fights in the virtual world. Needless to say, you were very enthralled by the game which in turn meant you had gotten progressively louder as you’d died from stupid things.

Not that you were dying because of anything you’d been doing of course. No, it was just your character was doing silly things like not blocking or swinging when you told him to. That was it. Hoseok had been assured by you many times at the start when he’d got a little concerned about how into the game you were getting.

That had been at the start though, and you were now so into the game, so unaware of your surroundings, that it was almost like Hoseok wasn’t actually here in the room with you. Your eyes remained glued to the screen the whole time. Which meant that you didn’t see the way he’d been pouting a little, starved of your attention as he played around on his phone aimlessly in an effort to entertain himself.

Hoseok loved watching people play games, he really did, but he was bored today. He wanted your attention; a novel concept to him as he’d never dated anyone who was more into video games than he was. Being on the other side of someone who avidly loved gaming was unusual and though he didn’t hate it...he just a bit like a child.

There was only so much playing with Kasumi he could do. And sure, he could read the book he’d found in your bookcase a few days ago or even play on your Switch while you entertain yourself, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to do something with you. He wanted to talk to you, listen to you talk and laugh with you.

He was being a brat basically, being a child about it. But despite that, he was also fully amused by your reaction to the game. This was the first time he’d ever seen you play a video game like this and the fact you became so fully immersed in it was exceptionally entertaining.

Why he was surprised about that, he didn’t really know. You most definitely had the personality of someone who would commit themselves to something 100% when they found a thing that was truly interesting to them. Just looking at the abundance of Pokémon around your apartment told him that.

But still...he wasn’t sure why he had such a strong desire for your attention. He was never normally like this with relationships, though admittedly he hadn’t had a relationship extend past three months in a while now. Not for lack of trying of course, but he’d just never quite found someone to click with.

And at the risk of sounding like an old man, at the age of 28, he wasn’t really interested in investing his time and effort into someone who he could already tell he didn’t particularly care for. Hoseok felt like there were three types of people by his age; those who had found love and were happy and content in it, those who weren’t interested in dating and were focusing on themselves and those who were in a relationship purely for the sake of it.

The first group had already started marrying and having babies, Namjoon and Jimin for example, while the second group showed no interest in any of that. Which was perfectly fine obviously. Taehyung and Yoongi were prime examples of people who had no interest and didn’t seem to show any indication of wanting to show interest.

But Hoseok didn’t want to be in the third group, dating just for the sake of dating. He’d done that for years now, had one-night-stands throughout his college years, and maybe even a few he definitely regretted in the end stages of high school. So he wanted what some of his friends had found. 

And he’d found that with you, which had been beyond surprising to him. You were most definitely not who he would have picked as his first choice to date, which sounded bad but he was just being honest. He hadn’t thought that he liked girls who liked cute things, nor had he thought he’d had the temperament and patience to put up with your anxieties and stresses.

He had though, finding within himself a deep need to make you happy and experiencing enjoyment at how slow things were progressing. His friends found it wild that everything was moving at a glacial pace and that Jung Hoseok of all people was going along with it and not complaining. But he liked it, he liked discovering your little quirks and traits slowly. 

It was like unwrapping a present, with each new thing he learnt about you being his present. And he loved it so much. Which meant that he enjoyed learning this new thing about you, or rather how intense you got in video games you liked.

But still...he wanted your attention.

He was like a child; a whiny and petulant toddler. He knew this, but he couldn’t stop. Almost didn’t want to.

Which is why he was slowly inching his way over to you on the couch, hoping that his slow movements would catch your attention. It was only when he was almost on top of you that he realised it wasn’t working, causing him to sigh deeply and flop back against the couch in what could politely be called a mantrum.

“Do you want me to order food? Or make food? I can make it...can’t guarantee it tastes great but I can make it.” Hoseok asked, his voice light as he questions you. And it’s like he never spoke with the quiet ‘hmm’ you give back to him. 

His bottom lip pushes out once more as he opens up his takeout app, inputting your address and ordering pizza for you both. There was no need to ask what you wanted, he knew what you liked by now. 

A sudden outburst of unintelligible noises from you causes him to look up with an amused quirk of his brow, watching as your face scrunched in annoyance as you shake your controller at the screen again, teeth gritted together. And suddenly, he’s not bothered that you’re not paying attention to him anymore. Not when you look that cute.

Slowly, he’s not entirely sure why he’s doing it quietly as well when you’re paying zero attention to him, he opens the camera on his phone and angles it towards you with a smile. He takes a few careful seconds to get the best angle before pressing the button, the shutter noise unnoticed by him as he checks on the photo.

Tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth slightly, he hums to himself as he opens up the photo editing app he has on his phone and begins to edit it. Shifting the exposure, contrast and more, he turns what could’ve been a boring photo into something befitting you.

“Did you just take a photo of me?” You ask suddenly, causing him to look up with wide eyes. For a moment, he’s too startled to speak before he gives a playful scowl, poking your side with a finger.

“Oh, so now you listen to me? Huh?” He teases, sticking his tongue out at you. Your eyes drop to it slightly before skittering away quickly, causing him to smile internally. Hoseok was not as immune to your glances and movements as you thought he was. He just chose not to do anything about them because he didn’t want to push you.

“I was listening...you just weren’t saying anything interesting…” The words trail off halfway through you saying them, as if you realise how offensive they could come off. Immediately your eyes widen, mouth opening in what he’s positive is an apology. He’d normally let you, knowing it would soothe your anxieties to know that you’d said sorry to him but he doesn’t care today. It didn’t bother him.

“I’m not gonna argue with you. But yeah, I took a picture. You looked cute, all focused. I never realised you become dead to the world basically when playing a game. I’ve been lonely.” Hoseok makes his eyes go big, an earnest look being matched with slightly pouting lips to give you a face of pure innocence.

It doesn’t work evidently, given the way you roll your eyes at him. But it gets a smile out of you so he considers that a win.

“Hoseok...I don’t really like my photo being taken…” You whine quietly, fingers playing with the controller nervously. Over the last four months, Hoseok had learnt to analyse your body's movements carefully. They spoke your inner thoughts more than your mouth did and he could tell that you were feeling anxious.

“Hey, hey...come here. Look at it...see I edited it! You’re gorgeous!” He turns his phone to let you see, smiling brightly at you as your eyes glance over it. Lower lip being chewed slowly, your shoulders deflate as you push it back.

“No I’m not, I look fat and ugly. I don’t have a good side.” Silence falls after that statement, Hoseok’s mind frozen in sheer disbelief at your words. He wants to sigh heavily, shout at you that you’re wrong. Every part of him wants to shake you and make you see that you’re beautiful, flaws and all. 

But he doesn't because he knows you wouldn’t like it. So instead he purses his lips, smacking them and making a noise as he tries to figure out a way to tell you that actually, you’re an idiot. He doesn’t want to hurt you though, so he knows that he has to tread a fine line.

Shuffling close, he presses himself to your side and holds up the phone to you, showing the photo once more. “I want to argue you with so bad right now, but all I’ll say is...you’re wrong. I think you’re pretty, cute even. Look at that scowl, it’s adorable. And look, you’ve seen the double chin I get when I’m laid down.”

“Oh please, as if that makes you look bad. You know you’re gorgeous, look at you.” You gesture at all of him, and he sighs, wrapping his arms around you tightly and kissing you all over your face until you’re no longer whining but giggling loudly. He doesn’t stop though, making the most over exaggerated noises as he does so.

“Oh no, oh no, the travesty of having to kiss this beautiful face. Oh please, I can’t handle it. It’s such a trial for me, to have to do this. Why couldn’t they give me someone less pretty? But it’s only fair that someone with my looks gets to kiss someone like you.” He gets the words out loudly between kisses, half laughing as he does it and fully enjoying the way that you practically shriek with laughter beneath him, body shaking.

Stopping, he just watches you for a moment with a soft smile, enjoying the brightness in your eyes that has replaced the fear and self-loathing. He really wishes that he could show you how he sees you compared to how you see yourself, but he supposes he’ll just settle for showering you with affection.

“Look...seriously...I like this.” He says quietly, resting his head on your shoulder as he shows you the photo once more. You don’t say anything this time, just look at the screen quietly with your head resting against his own. “Do you want me to delete it though? I will if you want.”

“No...if you like it...I just...I don’t have pictures taken often of me. I don’t really like it because I never really think I look good. It takes at least fifteen tries to get one I find acceptable for Instagram.” Chewing his lip, he sighs as he wavers on what to do. He doesn’t want to do something that will make you unhappy, but at the same time...he loves photography. And he wants to photograph you so badly. 

Proper photographs too, with his DSLR that he’ll edit with Photoshop on his laptop. He just knows that he can take photos that even you will love and he truly thinks they’ll be some of his best work yet. There’s no way he can go wrong when he has such a beautiful muse here.

“Seriously Hoseok, it’s okay. You can keep it. You have nice editing skills.” Smiling, he clicks through the menu options on his phone before he’s moving the photo slightly, setting it at the right size and centralizing it before saving it as his home screen. It’s only then that you realise what he’s done, eyes widening.

“Did you just make that your home screen?” You ask incredulously and he snorts, nodding with a grin as he shows you with pride. Carefully, he moves his app icons around until you’re no longer covered by them, letting him see you perfectly every time he unlocks his phone. He loves it.

“Yes I did, and it’s perfect. I’ve been wanting a photo of you for a while,” Glancing over at you, he smirks ever so slightly. “I know you’ve got a picture of me as your home screen. The one of me at Namjoon’s barbeque last year where I’m looking away. Jungkook took it and I had it for my Facebook profile for a while.”

The squirm you do let’s him know that you’re probably dying inside but he’s far too amused and pleased with himself over this. Honestly his chest had probably swollen three sizes in pride and ego when he’d glimpsed it the other day. There was something oddly satisfying at knowing you had him on your phone.

And now he had you.

Eyes widening suddenly, he shifts upwards to give you with a shocked look. “I just realised...we’ve never taken a selfie together! If you’re okay with that.”

“I don’t really take them often...you’ve seen my Instagram.” Snorting, he rolls his eyes and moves until he’s sitting up against you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and hugging you to him. You don’t push him away though, nor do you tell him not to take one.

“That’s a fucking travesty. You should bless the world with your face more. And you spend all that time doing that makeup!” Now it’s your turn to roll your own eyes, pushing at him lightly.

“I do that because I like it, not because I want to show off.” He opens up the camera app once more, shifting the camera to be front facing and watching as his screen fills up with your faces.

“Well you should show off. You’re really talented with it and I’m sure there’s loads of people that would like to see more of it. There’s like...a whole section of Instagram dedicated to it. I know, cos I looked after I saw your pictures. You could be like...the next NikkieTutorials or Tati Westbrook!” It’s only because of the camera facing you both that he sees your incredulous expression, brows furrowing in surprise before they morph into amusement.

“Have you been watching beauty YouTubers?” Glancing at you, he shrugs uncaringly.

“You like them, so I figured I’d see what they’re about. Not really my thing but at least I half understand what you’re talking about when you bang on about primers and toners and all that shit. Besides, I have discovered that they apparently live scandalous lives and I’m oddly entertained by all the drama even though I have no idea who they are.” Hoseok says absentmindedly, mind drifting back to all those drama videos he’d accidentally ended up watching when he fell down the YouTube rabbit hole one night.

You let out a peal of laughter, the sound bright and happy and it makes his stomach twist slightly to hear it. He likes your laughter.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually watched that. So does this mean we can watch drama channels when you’re here?” Letting out a deep and bone weary sigh, he nods slowly before leaning over to kiss your cheek.

As he does so, he quickly angles the phone and snaps a photo of you both. You don’t realise what he’s done at first until he brings the screen for you to look at, grinning down at the image of you both that has been immortalised in high quality pixels.

You’re laughing still, mouth stretched into a wide smile of joy while your eyes are closed, the skin around them creased ever so slightly from happiness. His side profile is clearly evident, the gentle lighting of your room surprisingly good for this picture and his lips are pressed firmly to the soft skin of your cheek, lip ring shifted into view from the movement.

There’s no makeup on your face and you’re wearing an oversized white shirt with Kirby on it while he’s in his usual band shirt. The difference between you both is startling, but it makes his heart flutter a little oddly as he looks at it with a gentle smile.

Looking over at you, he realises that you haven’t said anything about it and he worries that you’re unhappy with the photo. Instantly, he stresses that maybe he’d done a bad thing and he’s about to apologise to you, chastened by his excitement.

But then you give him a shy smile, leaning into him and burrowing your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. “I...I actually like that. It looks...nice. Though you should probably edit it, edit my flaws and all that.”

Giving you a deadpan expression, he just pushes at your shoulder before rolling his eyes. “I’m going to forget I heard that. So...anyway.”

Despite what he said though, he does edit it and shows you what he uses and what he thinks the best edit would be. He lets you play around with the editing too, smiling as you make the photo look horrific by maxing out different sliders before letting him edit it exactly how he wants.

And then once he’s done, he goes onto Facebook and uploads it as his new profile picture. 

The stunned silence from you has him looking over cautiously, taking in your shocked face which soon quickly morphs into shyness. It makes his chest hurt a little to see how you react to something as simple as him changing his profile picture to a picture of you both.

He doesn’t say anything though, recognising this as a moment that you’d need to work through it yourself. So instead, he presses his lips to your cheek once more before using his fingers to tilt your face towards his, capturing your lips with his. The movement is bordering on natural now, four months into your relationship.

“So...I ordered pizza which should be arriving soon. Think you might want to take a break?” Hoseok asks, nodding towards the screen where Geralt has been stood quietly for the last ten minutes as he’d distracted you successfully. Pursing your lips, you consider for a moment before shaking your head with a grin, picking up your controller once more.

And that’s when he realises that you had been paying attention to him the whole time. You’d just been refusing to give in to his whining. He almost says something before shaking his head with an exasperated smile, getting up when your doorbell goes off.

Well played, he thought to himself as he took the pizza boxes before standing for a few moments and watching as you became involved once more, well played indeed.

[ourimpavidheroine]

You've given us your favorite records, so how about your favorite movies?

Okay, sure! Under a cut though, because it’s long.

In no particular order!

Strictly Ballroom (1992)

Oh my god, one of the funniest movies ever made. Every single thing about this movie makes me laugh out loud - in fact, I laughed so loud in the theater when I saw it the first time I’m surprised they didn’t kick my ass out. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched and re-watched it. My late wife and I used to quote this film back and forth to each other all the time. 

“Arms, Clary!”

“That was unexpected.”

“I’ve got my happy face on today!”

There’s a lovely little romance going on and a quote that I live by:

A life lived in fear is a life half lived.

Thank you, Baz Luhrmann. 

Bringing Up Baby (1938)

Screwball comedy romance with Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn. Still funny, over 80 years later. Mistaken identities, a harrassed archeologist and a clueless rich girl, so on and so forth. If you watch it, you will see shades of Wu and Sayuri in Susan, for sure. (And some Zu in David.) The comedic timing of this movie is sheer and utter perfection. Not a single beat wasted. Brilliant, the entire thing.

Moonstruck (1987)

God, what isn’t there to love about this movie? CHER. A woman coming up on middle age who has settled into widowhood without a whimper decides to marry a man she’s fond of for no other reason than she thinks she should meets the fiance’s younger brother and her entire life goes, as her Italian Catholic mother says in the middle of church, “...down the toilet.” This movie was handled with so much love and care, it deserved its Oscars. If you’ve never seen it, you should.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

I saw this movie the one and only time I visited the States after I moved to Finland. I had left my wife here in Finland but had my 20 month old autistic twins along and my mother was being beyond horrible to me and I was exhausted and just wanted to go home. There was one afternoon where my favorite uncle came to me, gave me his car, and told me he was going to watch the kids and for me to go out and have a breather. I decided to see a movie - I can’t remember which one - but the paper had gotten the time wrong and it had already started by the time I got there. I asked the woman selling tickets what she recommended that was coming up and she very fervently told me to go and see this one.

Still one of the best movies I have ever seen. The acting is so subtle, so beautiful, and the scenery! The ending broke me, just shattered me into a million pieces. Years later, when my wife died, I knew exactly that feeling of desperately wanting to go back in time and somehow do it all right and all I can say is, both Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi get all of my love forever for doing it the way they did.

I bought it when it finally came out on DVD with English subtitles and I made my late wife watch it with me and she sobbed at the end and told me I was cruel for making her watch it. (Guess what, babe? You were crueler for making me live it.)

The Handmaiden (2016)

Normally I am not all that keen on books being made into movies. I fucking loved Sarah Waters’ Fingersmith and wasn’t sure about it being taken out of its Victorian England setting into 1930′s Korea but oh my god I have never been happier to have been proved wrong in my life. THIS FILM. Listen, it is one of those rare times when a book and an adaptation can stand next to each other, equally as good, equally as strong, despite the differences. There is so much to unpack about women’s experiences with sex and how that compares to how men dictate those experiences to them and the movie never drops the ball with this. Frankly, I had seen Oldboy and Snowpiercer (among others) and I really did not think Park Chan-wook had it in him and shame on me for that.

Warning: this movie is HOT.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

This is a damn good movie. Charlize Theron elevates anything she is in, and as Furiosa - dirty, grim, disabled, clinging on to tattered hope with desperation - she just takes this film to another level. Plenty of other good performances - including Tom Hardy, who’s never afraid to drop himself into a role - and some frankly astonishing editing work by Margaret Sixel as well as a male director who understands, deeply, how to film women without subjecting them to the male gaze. This is not a schlock film, despite the franchise it belongs in. It’s good.

I saw this film the night before my wife died; the last time I spoke to her on the phone I told her that I’d take her with me to see it again, I knew she’d like it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to separate this film from that loss, but that’s how it goes sometimes. Still wish you could have seen it, babe. You would have loved it.

The Great Race (1965)

Is this a great movie? Not critically speaking, although Jack Lemmon is brilliant, as he almost always is. Rather, it was a movie my father and I loved together, and I have so many good memories of watching it with him whenever it would play on TV (these were the years before VHS even, never mind Netflix) and eating popcorn and laughing together.

We loved the huge pie fight scene so much that on my 16th birthday my father bought 3 dozen store bought pies, defrosted them and/or baked them (with the help of our neighbor, who was in on the secret) and he woke me up that morning, told me to get dressed and come outside, and he got me with a pie to the face right as I walked out the door and the two of us chased each other, throwing and dodging pies, making an unholy mess, slipping and sliding all over our deck and driveway, stumbling and laughing hysterically.

It is one of the best memories in my life. How many other girls can say their fathers gave them a pie fight for their sweet sixteen? This movie makes me laugh and, more importantly, remember my father with so much love.

The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

I did love all three of these films. Were they perfect? No. (I am still salty about Faramir’s entire movie arc and the fact that Merry was just Pippin 2.0 instead of the distinct character he was in the books.) But they were made with so much love and heart by people who loved and cared deeply for the source material. And they were astonishing in scope as well. Just glorious to see in the theater.

I first read those books when my father lent me his copies when I was eight and they were a vital part of my growing up; to see Peter Jackson and his entire cast and crew love them as much as I did was genuinely special for me.

The other two films are just as good with some astonishing moments (Billy Boy’s last minute song in The Return of the King still gives me goosebumps) but this was the first one, and just remembering holding my wife’s hand as we both gasped together over the scope of it was a memory I will keep with me always.

When my wife and I went to see this one here in Finland I was pregnant with my twins and I was like, oh my god, please die already Boromir because were twins on my bladder and I knew if I didn’t get to a toilet soon it was going to be all over. (It was a long movie without a pee break for a pregnant person, let me just say.) I was never happier for a tragic end to a movie in my life, LOL.

The Matrix (1999)

Dude. Dude. Just the concept of this movie. The Wachowski sisters have never limited themselves and that’s what makes them so different and so exciting. One of the greats of Sci Fi and, as far as I am concerned, one of the greats bar none. Yeah sure, I know it isn’t a critical darling but lord, I am not a film critic, just someone who loves movies. And I love this one. 

(And excuse you, Elon and the rest of you alt-right men’s groups, you dicks, for appropriating the whole blue/red pill thing: it’s a concept from two trans sisters, so fuck right off with that.)

My best friend, who saw it with me the first time (I took my late wife to see it later in the year when she arrived in the States) laughed at the whole little kid with spoon scene. That’s like listening to you, she said. I never know what is going to come out of your mouth or whether I’ll understand it in the moment but it will eventually make sense to me. Which pretty well sums me up, I think. And this movie as well.

The Piano (1993)

There is a moment, in this gorgeous, deeply beautiful, aching film, where Harvey Keitel fingers a small hole in Holly Hunter’s stocking and it is the most erotic heterosexual thing I have ever seen. Trust a woman director to understand why women would love this. There’s Harvey Keitel’s character: older, soft around the middle, barely literate, covered with traditional facial tattoos. He’s nobody’s idea of hot. But he understands what this woman in particular needs, understands what she is telling him without words, and that’s what he gives her and it is erotic beyond measure. It’s not about what he looks like; it’s about how he understands her.

Holly Hunter does this movie without speaking a single word or getting any subtitles and short of a few brief translations by Anna Paquin playing her young daughter still manages to express herself. It’s brilliant acting. (And look, I know - today we’d look for an actress who was mute to play the role, and rightfully so. It still doesn’t take away from Hunter’s performance.)

Ada drowned in the original script but Jane Campion changed it at the last minute when filming and it was the right choice. The absolute right choice. Ada deserves her freedom and her chance to pursue her own happiness.

[sczrhead]

heather

The song heather has been on repeat while I’ve been driving for weeks now and I finally decided todo something about it. So I wrote up this quick fic, I kinda ended it abruptly and I didn’t edit it at all, however Draco and Harry are in love so what more could you want? You cant ask more of me!!

________________________________________________________________

Draco could hear Harry's heavy steps come pounding down the stairs of the eighth year dormitories. He saw him pause at the bottom of the stairs and looked around the common room and grinned when he saw Draco sitting by the fire. He came over and crouched down next to him. 

"Hey Draco! Are you coming to Hogsmeade with us?" Harry asked, a huge grin on his face.

Draco felt his cheeks get hot at the premise of being included "I'd love to but none of my sweaters are clean and it's really cold outside right now. I'm just gonna do my homework today, Har." 

Harry frowned and stood up, "Here gimme one second!" He turned around and dashed up to their dorm again. 

Draco smiled watching him and waiting for him to come back down with whatever plan he has come up within seconds. When he did Harry had a bunch of gold and scarlet in his arms. He held it out when he got to Draco and he could feel heat rising again. 

It was Harry's Quidditch sweater, with Potter and the number 7 on the back of the shirt. It looked a little wrinkled but Draco could hardly mind. It was Harry's sweater, and it might even smell like him. 

Draco peeked over the sweater and smiled at Harry's large smile that has returned, "Now you have to go! You have no choice!" 

He rolled his eyes and grabbed the shirt from Harry and pulled it over his own thin jumper. 

Harry laughed at Draco when he finished adjusting it, "Oh Draco you look great in it! Hell, even better than me, you should play for Gryffindor."

Draco smiled back playfully, "Thanks for the offer Harry but I'm perfectly happy playing for the obviously superior house." 

Harry laughed again and grabbed Draco's hand, "Come on 'Mione and Ron are already waiting on us, and Ginny might be coming too!" 

Draco felt his heart crush as he saw Harry's eyes get misty and his cheeks get red at the mention of Ginny joining for the trip to Hogsmeade. He couldn't help but wish that he could make Harry look like that. Draco sighed and pushed that down for today. There's no reason to tell Harry about his feelings and ruin the day, or the friendship. 

He followed Harry out of the door and down to the Great Hall where everyone was already waiting, and sure enough, there she was. Every time Draco sees her he's filled with so much jealousy. Not only is she a girl, so she's leagues ahead of him, but she's gorgeous too. Fiery and passionate, her eyes always filled with mischief and her smile can well and truly light up a room. They were perfect together. 

Harry and Draco joined the group and Draco watched as Harry drapes his arm casually over Ginny's shoulder. 

"Alright, are we all ready to go?" Harry asked the group and everyone nodded.

__________________________________________________________

At the end of the Hogsmeade trip Draco kept Harry's sweater for the night, blaming it on his behind laundry and how cold the dormitory usually is at night. Truly, Draco wanted to sleep with it, it smelled so strongly of the scent of leather and broom sheds that Harry always has. He found a jacket that his godfather had and he wears it constantly, and then he is often working with the quidditch supplies. He became sort of an inter house coach when everyone came back for their eighth year because none of the eighth years were permitted to join the houses. 

Draco inhaled the smell of Harry deeply and fell asleep easily, imagining it was Harry he was holding. 

In the morning Draco washed all of his clothes and had to finally give Harry his sweater back. 

"It's not like I was missing it or anything, Dra, you could've used it for as long as you wanted."

Draco tolled his eyes sarcastically, "Nah the scarlet was giving me a headache," he said smiling.

Harry shook his head and chuckled, taking the sweater back and throwing it over onto his bed. They both walked down to breakfast together. When they got down and Draco sat next to Harry, Harry still sat next to Ginny and seemed absolutely mesmerized by her presence while Draco sat by, hoping for a quick getaway.

__________________________________________________________

"Hey Dra!"

Draco looked up to the worst sight he could've ever seen, Harry was holding Ginny's hand, and Draco was used to that by now, they weren't labeled but they've been seeing each other for about a month now, it was Ginny wearing Harry's sweater. His seeker sweater that Draco held close to him so many nights ago.

Draco swallowed his ache, "Yeah Harry?"

"Ginny and I are gonna go watch the Gryffindor vs Slytherin match, do you wanna come with?"

Draco tossed around his answer in his head, if he said no Harry would automatically be keyed in that something is wrong, but Draco could not let Harry know that he was in love with him. But if he said yes, he would have to sit next to the love of his life and the woman that stole it all for a whole match. 

Draco sighed and hoped the match would be the quickest in history, "Sure, just let me get changed." 

He walked up the stairs and went into his room that he shared with Harry, Ron, and Blaise. He released a breath when he saw no one was here. He grabbed some clothes for the February weather and began to get changed, all while talking to himself in the mirror.

"It's only one match, Draco. Besides you don't have to say yes to every side along date. God you could just tell him how you feel and then he'll stop inviting you along. Yeah, but then he won't invite me to anything. I don't even know how he feels about gay people."

"Well given I'm bisexual, I'd say I'm pretty okay with them," Harry's clear voice struck Draco and he was frozen. 

He couldn't move his fingers that were stuck buttoning a shirt as he looked in the mirror to Harry standing in the open door. Draco mentally chastised himself for leaving the door open and speaking so loudly about this stupid crush. 

"Draco? Do you like me?" Harry's eyes were soft, not filled with anger or resentment but Draco didn't know how to take that.

"Uh, no, no I don't," he lied. Draco knew Harry knew he was lying but it didn't stop him. Maybe he could save his dignity.

"Dra, I heard what you said, I'm sorry I didn't realize that you coming with Ginny and I was hurting you so much. Will you come sit on the bed with me? Can we talk?" Harry asked, walking over to his bed and sitting crisscrossed. 

Draco sighed and moved to sit on the bed, while finishing buttoning his shirt. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"You, and how you feel about me. And then afterwards, me, and how I feel about you."

Draco groaned and put his face in his hands, "You already heard how I feel about you Harry, why do you want me to tell you?"

"Because I want to be sure."

Draco sighed and looked up at Harry. His green eyes filled with something, Draco couldn't be sure but it seemed soft. "Fine, I like you Harry, I have for years but I've never told you. I especially decided not to tell you now, because this was my chance at being your friend and being loved by you, at the very least platonically. You love so passionately, you would do anything for your friends and I didn't want to lose that because of some silly crush that I can't seem to, well, crush for lack of a better word."

When Draco finished he saw Harry smiling at him, and then remembered that Harry was going to tell him how he feels. Draco took in a deep breath, knowing he would probably regret this, "How do you feel about me?"

Harry smiled wider and leaned back a bit, "How do I feel about you? About Draco Malfoy? The man who tossed me a wand so that I could defeat Voldemort? The man who I spoke for at the trials? The man that marched right up to me at the beginning of eighth year and demanded a second chance? The man that I have been hopelessly in love with since sixth year? I feel a lot of things for you Draco, and one of them is love like you've never experienced before."

[paodequeijofeliz-blog]

I would do it all again

Ride or Die Fanfiction (characters and main story belongs to Pixelberry Studios).

Pairing: Mona and MC (Annie)

Information: this takes place after the first book.

Summary: After what happened at the parking lot, each member of the crew tries to build a new life, following the “every man for himself” motto. But Annie doesn’t agree with that and tries to pull them back together, especially Mona, who she has been waiting for too many years. 

Warnings: none. For now. 

Part 2

I would do it all again - Part 1

         Six years. It had been six years.

         Don’t call me. Don’t write me. Don’t wait for me.

         Mona’s voice was still very much alive in Annie’s head, even though she hadn’t listened to it in six fucking years.

         Not for lack of trying, of course. She was too damn stubborn to follow Mona’s orders, no matter how hard the convict tried to force her into it. During the trial, Annie would always sit as close as possible, whispering comforting things such as “I’m with you”, “I’m still here, you know” or “Damn you’re lookin’ hot today”. The last one caught a smile from Mona, but the woman was still not answering or even glancing at her… Girlfriend? Annie didn’t know if they got to be that. It didn’t matter, though. It looked like the Lebanese was sticking to her ground. The last thing she said to Annie, after the sentence was decided, was “now you have to forget me”.

         Of course, that wasn’t going to happen.

         It took a while, but Annie finally found out where they moved Mona to. Muncy – she sighed, hands on the wheel for that very long drive. – Philly, really? Could it be any further?

         That was the decision that altered her entire life. She was a smart girl, so smart, in fact, that managed to get into three different universities. Luckily, the University of Pennsylvania was one of them, so moving to Philadelphia wasn’t such a crazy plan anyway.  Annie had to figure some things out: where to stay, where to work, how to do things… Eventually, it all settled and there she was, living on campus with four crazy roommates and a pretty good job tutoring high school kids.

         Ever since day one, the girl tried really hard to break Mona’s resistance. She visited, called, wrote, sent gifts… But no answer came back. Every time Annie would go on visitation’s day, she had to sit and wait for nothing. Mona never came through the door. Never picked up the phone either, no matter how insistent her trying was. People there soon got familiar with Annie’s face, the naïve young woman the new inmate was ignoring. Guards didn’t like her, but she got to be friends with someone else from the inside: Dominick Ferreira, an Argentine art teacher who had a small project teaching painting and sculping to the inmates. Guards didn’t like him either. They soon became friends, talking about TV Shows while Annie waited for long hours in the empty room.

         Six years. Mona never gave up on her attitude.

But the girl knew, nonetheless, that the feeling was still there. She knew the letters were being read, at least. The first four years flew by, and Annie graduated in History and started to work as a teacher at a school nearby the campus.  

         Until she received terrible news.

         “I’m really sorry, Ann…” Dominick put a hand on her shoulder, both alone in the prison’s waiting room. After four years confiding on each other, she felt comfortable enough to hug and sob on his arms. He was around the same age of her father. Well… past father. “Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to arrange things for the funeral?”

         “No, I need to do that on my own. Thanks. I just…” - she sniffed, cleaning her face for the tenth time that day. – “I just… God, she’s so stubborn! Toby accepts my calls, Ximena writes me every month, but Mona… I just really wanted to talk to her. Once.”

         “I can try asking one of the guards to help with that.”

         “No, no. She would hate me then. I can’t force it.” – another sniff. – “Did she receive the magazine? And the letter?”

         “Yeah, I made sure of it. Like always.” – Dom pinched Annie’s nose. She reminded his niece so much. “And I definitely saw her reading them.”

         That’s the system Annie found. If Mona wasn’t going to see or talk to her, then she needed another entrance. Every week, the girl would bring a new edition of Motor Trend magazine and a letter for Dom to deliver, then patiently waited outside, hoping this time Mona would finally accept the visitation. The second part never happened, but the first one seemed to be working. After losing her father, she got even closer to the art teacher. He was the only one nice around there.

         “I’ve got good news.” Dominick whispered one day, waiting for the other two officers to leave for coffee before saying anything else. “The FBI stepped in. Apparently, the material you guys gave them helped to bring down another big fish. Jason had a partner in NYPD doing the same thing. So, they had a hearing today and reconsidered Mona’s sentence. If she keeps the good behaviour, it’ll be reduced from fifteen to only eight years, which means she can be out on parole soon enough.”

“Tell me how it works.” Annie answered with a seriously committed look.

         That’s how now, after six years apart from each other, she was sitting on the car hood, waiting for them to open the gates. Dominick explained every single rule of parole so many times, Annie probably knew it even better than the parole officer himself. She had a year to prepare things for the release, making sure every single detail was reviewed. But now, looking at that gorgeous tall woman carrying a bag and a scowl on her face, Annie felt like maybe the details wouldn’t matter.

         What if she just doesn’t want anything to do with me?

         There was only one way to find out.

         “Hi, you.”

         “What the hell are you doing here?”

         “Picking you up, duh. You needed a ride.” Annie arched an eyebrow, capturing something in Mona’s face. A shadow of relief? Maybe.

         The convict glanced at the car, a criticizing tone on her voice.

         “What happened to your car? Does that thing even work?”

         “I had to sell it. This one is old, but reliable. And his name’s Harold. Be nice.” She took the bag without waiting for permission, tossing it in the trunk before climbing into the driver’s seat. A grumpy Mona sat beside her, mumbling about how “Harold” was a stupid name for a car.

         “Where are you going? Drop me at the station. It’s good enough.”

         “You can’t leave the state.” She glanced briefly at Mona with the corner of her eyes, hands holding the wheel a little bit stronger.

         Even though Annie was trying to focus on the road, she could feel the woman’s dark eyes studying her intensely. After a couple minutes in silence, the driver risked talking again. “We need to solve some stuff first.”

         Mona didn’t answer. Her face was unreadable while watching Annie pull over in the parking lot of an old dinner in the middle of nowhere. The girl’s hands still holding the wheel so strongly, it seemed she was about to go on a race.

         “Do you still like me?”

         Not a single word. Not even a movement.

         “Well?” Annie finally let her hands slide to her lap, frustrated by the silence. “It’s a yes or no question, Mon. It’s not that hard.”

         “Yes.”

         She searched for more hints on Mona’s face, but that was it. One word. No expression. Nothing else.

         “Ok.” Annie bit her lower lip, insecure. “Ok then.”

         The engine creaked at the turn of the key. The car had barely moved, crossing the road only to park again at an empty and dusty mechanic shop, with no living soul around. “Welcome to your new home, I guess”.

         Mona finally had an expression on her face. A mix of confusion and shock, so startled that she only understood what was going on when saw Annie unlock and pull the gates up with a crowbar picked up from the corner. “Drive in!” she asked, signing to the convict with a shy smile.

         “What the hell did you do…” Mona jumped on the driver’s seat, driving that old stubborn piece of trash into the shop.

         Annie was still trying to lower the gate when heard Mona snap from the car.

         “HAVE YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN MIND? WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?”

         “What?” she jumped again, still not catching the hoop with the crowbar.

         “Oh, for god’s sake, gi’me that.” Mona took the crowbar and pulled the gate down with a single movement. When it hit the floor, both of her hands held Annie against it, one of each sider of the girl. That would’ve turned her on, if it wasn’t for the deadly dangerous look on the convict’s face. “Answers. Now.”

         “I…” she lost track of it, the proximity making the knees tremble a little. “No one… I don’t… It’s not…”.

         “Who’s the boss here?”

         “Me?” Annie shook her head, confuse. “Mon, I don’t work for anyone. I mean, for the principal, maybe? I’m a teacher. You know that. You read my letters.”

         “Who’s auto shop is this, then? Is it Colt’s? Did he drag you into this?”

         The plug finally fell. Suddenly realizing what the snap was about, Annie chuckled. “You idiot, you do care about me, don’t you?”

         That took Mona off guarded, but she didn’t retreat, arms still blocking the girl against the gate.

         “There’s no boss, Mon. And I haven’t seen Colt ever since what happened that night. This is my auto shop. I bought it last year. We’ll… Ours if you decide to get on board.” Annie risked pulling her closer by the waist, so tempted to kiss that angry face. “There’s no danger here, I promise. We’re safe.”

         Oh crap, thought Mona, seconds before throwing the crowbar away so she could dive her hands in Annie’s hair. The kiss that followed was so hungry and careless like it would never stop again. Their hands couldn’t stay still, both eager to remember each other’s curves and sensitive spots. Mona was doing the exact thing she promised herself not to. For six long years, she tried to ignore the visitations, calls, letters, everything that had Annie tagged along. It took all her strength to do it. Eventually, Mona gave in and started to read those damn letters, since it looked like they weren’t gonna stop coming anyway. That made waiting even worse, especially when the convict had decided to leave Annie’s life for good. She was convinced the girl deserved better…

         “Look what you do to me.” Mona growled, holding Annie so close they could barely breath. She couldn’t leave. Now that Ann was finally trapped in her arms, there was no backing down. “I was gonna flee, you know?”

         “Hate to spoil your plans, babe. But there’s an apartment upstairs waiting for you to settle in.”

         Foreheads together, breathing slowly, both started to cool off bit by bit, but Mona’s grip was still tight around the girl’s waist. “I told you to forget me. To live your life. Damn it, Ann. I ignored you for six years, how could you still stick around?”

         “Cause’ you were just being stubborn. I knew you were reading my letters.” Her smile was fragile while she was putting on a fight against tears. “And I did live my life. I graduated. Published my monography. Then finished the master’s degree and published the dissertation too. Got a good job. Made friends. Bought a place to live. I did all of it. Waiting for you didn’t stop me from living.”

         “You wouldn’t be stuck in Philly if it wasn’t for me. Maybe by now you’d be married to a badass Harvard lawyer, living in Boston and adopting a bird.”

         “I’m a cat and dog person.” She twitched her nose, laughing. “I hate lawyers too.”

         Mona roller her eyes. “You know what I mean.”

         Annie got serious suddenly. They needed to talk things through at some point.

         “Okay. Listen. I did some changes in my life, yes. For you. But that was MY choice. So, you don’t get to be mad at me, alright? Or feel guilty. Any of it. And if you prefer to leave…” she hesitated, heart pounding at the idea of losing Mona again. “… you can always leave. I only wish you to stay if that’s what you really wanna do. Don’t fool me. Don’t lie. I deserve the truth, at least. We’re clear?”

         “Yes.” Mona was serious too. There was a big struggle going on inside her, problems and emotions she lived in prison and that Annie wouldn’t understand. Couldn’t. “I won’t fool you. That much I can promise.”

         “Good.” She slid away the embrace, pulling the woman by one of the wrists. “Let me show where you might live if you want to. And then you can decide what to do from here.”

         “We.” Mona tangled their fingers together, a long sigh of relief escaping her lungs. “What we do from here.”

[thefloatingstone]

Last time I made a playlist of recommended youtube channels to enjoy while in lockdown or self quarantine, I focused on individual videos while also recommending other videos from the same channel.

I thought I’d make another list only this time I’m going to be recommending playlists or series on youtuber instead of just individual videos.

This is gonna go exactly like last time, so check out any of these that might seem interesting to you, and hopefully I can give you something to look into if you want something to watch but don’t feel like watching a Netflix or Crunchyroll show.

Last time I tried to put this under a read more break but it didn’t work and I ended up posting this long-ass post on everyone’s dash. Well I decided to do so again here. hit J to skip to the bottom of the post if you don’t feel like reading this whole thing. If you’re on tumblr mobile; why?

In no particular order;

Cinemassacre movie reviews and topics

All of you already know James Rolfe as the AVGN. I started watching him before Youtube was even a thing, before he was even signed on with Screwattack. Back when his videos could only be seen on his own website (or for some reason included on the free DVD you got with the local video game magazines). However, I eventually outgrew the outrage style humour of the AVGN episodes... but then James started doing Monster Madness where he would talk about his love for horror movies, and this where I learned about his vast knowledge about movie history and even films I had never even heard mention of before! I think it’s safe to say, he got me to be interested in movie history just as much as movie production and film as a viewing experience.

I recommend this playlist which is a hodgepodge of James talking about old horror movie franchises, talking about his first experience with Power Rangers as someone who didn’t grow up with it, or how Bob Ross is a childhood hero of his. It’s an excellent play list that’s really laid back but you learn a lot of stuff from it. James is very informed for the most part and it leads you to wanting to check out a lot of these things too, just because he’s so passionate about it.

If I ever get over my weird hang up about speaking out loud, these are the kinds of videos I’d like to make.

Vinesauce Vinny: The Neverhood

Vinny is by no means a new Let’s Player, having been on Youtube for over 10 years now, but I only started watching him a few months ago. I started with this playlist when I saw he was doing The Neverhood, a game I had heard about but never seen played before. The Neverhood is a bizarre game, as a point and click PC game from the 90s where the entirety of the video game was made with stop motion and clay. Something that sounds so insane you would say it’s impossible if not for the fact that it exists. The claymation itself is extremely well done, and the game has a really weird and absurd sense of humour. Just the strangest things happen in this thing. Now couple that with Vinny’s very dry and straightforward delivery and you have probably one of the funniest Let’s Plays I’ve watched in a long time.

This is also “short” for a Let’s Play series. With only 4 parts to it, the longest video only being a bit under and hour and 30 minutes. It’ll still take up a good chunk of your time, but it’s not as daunting as some of the other Let’s Plays I’ll mention on this list.

Team Four Star: Pokemon Shield Nuzlocke

Exactly what it says on the tin. The guys from Team Four Star play Pokemon Shield with Nuzlocke rules. They’ve done several Nuzlocke runs in the past, but I find the Pokemon Shield is the best one they’ve done. Especially since a lot of the needless fluff and grinding has been edited out. So unlike some of their previous series you don’t see a lot of Kieran and Grant running in a circle for an hour trying to catch a specific pokemon or trying to get to a certain level.

It’s also hilarious as they have a lot of “house rules” for the Nuzlocke often involving the exercise bike they.... have..... for some reason.

It’s very good and the gym battles become SUPER hype with the Nuzlocke rules and the music.

Baywatching

Having been going to a few years now, watch Allison try her very best to go through and do a video series where she talks about summarises every episode of Baywatch.

.... Ever. Single. Episode.

She’s not even close to done yet (and now she’s introduced Baywatch Nights AS WELL) but her trying to explain the batshit insanity of this show, it’s over the top characters, it’s insane plots and behind the scenes weirdness with all the enthusiasm and love for this slice of 90s is amazing. Please enjoy a good thick chunk of inside jokes, silly character voices, and a whole lot of ?????

Brutal Moose: Shenmue

Probably one of the most chill channels on all of Youtube, Brutal Moose aka Ian, prefers playing games you wouldn’t think would make for good Let’s Plays. And maybe they don’t, objectively. A collection of playlists covering Truck Simulator, Nancy Drew, Hidden Object games etc etc, spliced in with old commercials from drive in theaters from the 50s,60s and 70s. Ian’s Let’s Play channel is great for just putting on and letting play for company while you’re drawing or grinding in a video game or playing Stardew or something.

I recommend his Shenmue playthrough as Ian completely fell in love with the game and went on to play both the sequel and the newly released third game. Ian genuinely adores the weird voice acting and all the menial tasks and mini-games you can do. I watched this a lot in 2018 when I was going through a rough time, and it really helped me in a strange way to just put Ian on and listen to him talk to the chat and drive a forklift around for like 4 hours straight before going to Tomato Mart or wasting all his money on the gacha machines.

A Measured Response to “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″

At some point, big name youtuber Hbomberguy made a video called “In Defense of Dark Souls II”. I’m not subscribed to Hbomberguy but I enjoyed his video on why Sherlock (the BBC show) is trash. (come to think of it I should have added that to the first list). And it seems the video on Sherlock was really good and well argued.... and it seems his “In Defense of Dark Souls 2″ video... was not.

Using subjective language, bad representation of facts, or simply outright getting certain information wrong, Hbomberguy′s video on Dark Souls II is, at best, a man trying to argue that he likes Dark Souls II because it is “Objectively good”, rather than simply accept he likes it... because he likes it.

MauLer is kind of an asshole, but I have learned more about dissecting someone’s argument and deconstructing what they have said watching his response series than I have in any english or debate class I have ever had.

The response is over 10 hours long, but this is because MauLer takes time with each and every statement he takes umbrage with, discussing what is being said, discusses why it is false or dubious, and then compares with actual facts and research.

If you ever want to know how to to distinguish subjective opinion from objective fact in someone else’s argument regarding... ANYTHING really, I highly recommend this series.

I may not like MauLer as a person, but DAMN if he doesn’t know how to deconstruct an argument in a logic, emotionless way.

John Wolfe: Maize

Maize is a stupid game. a Stupid stupid game.

It involves sentient corn, and underground secret genetics lab, a Russian bootleg teddy bear that hates everyone, sentient corn, and a crumpet.

This game IMMEDIATELY went on my wishlist after watching this playthrough. Please watch John try and figure what the actual fuck is going on in this Monty Python-eque weird black comedy. It’s stupid, it’s weird, it’s bizarre and it’s honestly one of the funniest games I’ve seen streamed.

Hollywood: a Celebration of the Silent Era

This is not a youtube playlist. I mean it IS, but what this actually is, is a TV series released in the UK in 1980 covering the Silent Film era. As it was made in 1980, it includes interviews with many of the silent film stars who were often still alive during this documentary’s production. Each episode covers a specific theme of the silent movie era. One episode is about comedies, one is about WWI, one is about Westerns etc etc.

It’s a fascinating series, because it focuses on the silent era which, in modern day, I think many people unfairly think of as “those first few years of movies before movies really became a thing.” And that’s such a shame and really not true. The artistry, camera tricks, and raw nature of this early era of film making is so important and produced films which can still be watched today easily, possibly even easier than a few modern movies as often the very fact that the films are silent means they are universal, regardless of what language you speak.

I think an episode or two might have been turned to private or copyright claimed in this playlist, but I know if you do a search on youtube you can find the episode uploaded by someone else.

Diamanda Hagan: Bonekickers

Bonekickers is the show Mathew Graham made before he went on to work on the new Dr. Who. It is about archaeologists and it is God-fucking-Awful.

It is.... look. Ok. I like Archaeology a lot. But this isn’t a show that’s bad “if you like history” or “if you know things about archaeology”. This show is bad because it doesn’t make a single fucking lick of sense, all the characters are awful and terrible, and even if you understand what’s going on in the story you’re still going to be screaming “WHY????” at the screen as each new baffling stupid piece of the puzzle slots into place.

Diamanda Hagan has 0 time for this garbage and she’s going to walk you through each episode to show you how truly horrible this piece of garbage is.

Cry Plays: Ori and the Blind Forest

With Ori and the Will of the Wisps releasing recently, now is a great time to go and watch Cry playthrough the first Ori game. an absolutely gorgeous piece of work with a beautiful soundtrack and really likeable character designs and a sweet story, Ori is a great game to put on, sit back, and just let it wash over you. Cry’s playthrough is also great because although its a Metroidvania game, Cry fast forwards the parts where he backtracks for a long period of time, so you don’t get stuck watching him run back and forth as he tries to figure out where to go next or anything like that.

Cry also recently started playing the sequel as well!

If you enjoyed this list at all, please consider tipping me for a coffee

☕️ Ko-fi ☕️

[imagines-oneshots-blog]

Hello my Lovely Readers, it’s time for Work in Progress Wednesday!! This round is for my fic, Blood and Gold and Bedroom Eyes featuring John Wick x Reader!! As many of you have probably seen (and quite possibly be annoyed by), I’ve fallen into a major dumpster for John Wick/Keanu Reeves as of late, and the inspiration has kicked in to pick up this fic again!! So for today’s WIP Wednesday I’ll be sharing a clip from Chapter 4 of BGBE with you all! I have to be honest friends, I got a little carried away with this one…I have 5,000 words and I’m not even through HALF of the plots points I wanted to fit into this chapter! 😲 So needless to say this next update will be a honkin’ one lol. It’s still very much in the editing stage and therefore is subject to change, but please do enjoy, I can’t wait for you all to read this one!! ❤️❤️❤️ Tags: @raspberrymama - I know you’ll love this one, girl!  Anyone else that wants to be tagged in future updates, just shoot me a message and let me know!

Chapter 4: Death and the Maiden

I. Of Monsters, Men, and Torrid Truths

 The hum of the Mustang’s engine rumbled beneath John’s seat like the grumble of a disgruntled beast, one with skin made of metal and a bleeding molten heart hewn of iron and pistons and gasoline. Well, that makes two bleeding hearts in this car, John mused wryly. But at least his was forged from flesh and blood and costly promises. If someone had him cornered, a gun held to his head and his hands tied behind his back, demanding to know what in all of heaven and earth had spurred him to offer his home to you as a temporary hideout from that sleazy gangster Ritchie and his hitmen, John would have had to send a prayer to whatever god of death would listen to the devil and prepare to meet them soon, because he had no good answer to that particular question. It wasn’t that John couldn’t be honest with himself, in fact he made it a nearly infallible habit to embrace the truth, no matter how damning, but the simple fact was that he just didn’t know. He didn’t have a name for the molten sensations that bloomed in his chest each time he stole a glance at you curled up in the passenger’s seat, your bare dainty feet tucked beneath you, your head resting on the pillow of your entwined arms propped up against the door, a stray curl kissing the silken curve of your cheek as you dozed. He couldn’t identify the source of the fierce protective need he felt twitching the tendons of his trigger finger, tensing the wearied line of his shoulders, every time he remembered the crude comments of that lumbering, tattooed thug he’d dispatched in the hallways of the club. He had no classification for the tenderness that ached in his chest at the trust lilting in your touch as you’d slipped your hand in his, your fingers steady despite the damning crimson spilled across his palm, no justification for why the innocence banked in your glinting gaze when you smiled up at him could briefly stop his heart. Or maybe he did, and he just didn’t want to admit it to himself quite yet. Besides, John reasoned as an igneous slip of heat settled with wicked intent between his hip bones, though you were many things, you weren’t really all that innocent, were you? Before each one of your pre-scheduled back room meetings John would sit in that velvet lined chair and wage a brutal, silent war with himself, stalwartly battling the impulse to imagine what lace hewn, daydream inducing creation would grace your gorgeous body today. He wasn’t too proud to admit that he’d lost every time. He’d particularly enjoyed the strappy red gossamer and brocade number you had worn to your penultimate encounter; blooming thickets of embroidered crimson flowers and sheer mesh hiding the more tantalizing bits of your billowing body from him even as it had bared everything else for his greedy gaze. John found it shockingly enticing to see that deadly color splashed against exposed flesh in a markedly more alluring form, a stark juxtaposition to the typical rending of flesh and the slashing of throats that he was accustomed to. John would be lying if he said that in those charged midnight hours spent tossing in his lonely bed, his battered mind left to wander freely, he hadn’t imagined stripping one or two of those wicked outfits off of you with both seeking fingers and nipping teeth, unwrapping your lithe, stunning body like a present. Hungry for thoughts that weren’t tinged with sorrow or bloodshed, he’d close his eyes and wonder how your soft, luminous skin would heat beneath his calloused palms, if you’d part your legs eagerly for him, grant him access to the hallowed cradle of your thighs. Would you lick those tempting ruby lips and sigh against his mouth, desire coiling thickly in that lilting sirens voice of yours as you beg him to touch the billowing wealth of curves waiting beneath his fallow fingers?

And then he’d rail at himself, chastising his baser impulses with stark reminders that you were so young; a decade younger than him at least, maybe more. And then a fresh round of castigations would begin because that fact really shouldn’t send a searing frisson of heat skittering down his spine, curling devilishly low in his belly, but Jesus fucking Christ, did it ever. No matter how much John tried to evade it, the simple fact was that even with smudged eyeliner, a tired smile, and dark circles splayed above your cheekbones, you were still the most stunning thing within miles of this shitty metropolis. Huffing in a slow, deep breath, John forced his mind to fixate on safer things than the tempting curve of your cupid’s bow, on the plan. Now that the hard part of extracting you from danger was done you would hide out at his house for a while, laying low long enough for Winston to dig up the locations of Ritchie’s safe houses, and then for John to hunt down each and every member of Ritchie’s entourage before he finally took care of the gun-toting mobster himself. John had known many gangsters in his life, thugs whose malice ranged from relatively harmless to utterly savage, had done each one of their bidding for the price of a glinting, garish, golden coin, but something about Ritchie made John’s stomach turn. A quiet voice in the back of his head supplied that it was probably because Ritchie had known you, had touched you and tasted you and still ordered your death, and that lack of loyalty colored his resentment with a particular bitterness that was tinged with what could almost be perceived as jealousy, but John stalwartly reasoned that mostly it was the company Ritchie kept, or perhaps even the man himself. Regardless, John was glad to finally have someone truly deserving in his sightlines.

Despite the fact that bloodshed was still a part of his dossier, at least the right people were in his crosshairs now. In fact, it felt good, cleansing almost, to have a new purpose, a hard-won sense of freedom, the power to act on his own will instead of the corrupted appetites of gang bosses and greedy assassins.

John’s mind remained occupied with the finer details of his mission as he drove into the night, his thoughts turning to the tracking of mob members and the infiltration of safehouses as the bright neon lights of the city faded steadily into industrial parks and highways and manicured green lawns. He had just settled on the order in which he’d dispatch the various branches of Ritchie’s crime syndicate when the Mustang’s tires crunched onto the familiar gravel of his driveway.

You were still asleep when John put the car in park, letting the engine idle as he cast an appraising eye over your slumbering form. He hesitated for a moment, his fingers frozen on the steering wheel. It was strange, bringing another woman into the sanctum of his house - into he and Helen’s house - as heavily laden with memories as it was. For the length of a heartbeat John wondered if this was a mistake, if his desire for redemption, for justice, had led him straight into a severe lapse of judgement, but then you sighed in sleep and shifted towards him a measure, the palm you had resting in your lap tilting upwards as if begging him to slip his fingers into the spaces between your own, and John finally had to remind himself of his wife’s last request and admit to himself that much of the former magic of his home had faded. Too many ghosts lived there now.

And besides, there was nowhere else safer for you than right here by his side, with him to protect you, to safeguard you.

In the devil’s own domain, John thought with a humorless chuckle.

Though he’d never say it out loud and risk losing the hard-won status he’d painstakingly built over his long bloody life, John looked upon his monstrous reputation with a healthy measure of disdain so fierce, it could resemble hatred in the right light. Even though he was The Boogeyman, the assassin that every killer feared, a murderer with more red in his ledger than could ever be wiped clean, John desperately wanted to be someone who was thought of with more than terror-tinged reverence, careful apprehension, and forced civility. He wanted to be regarded the way Helen used to look at him; with soft smiles and smooth brows and glinting, gentle eyes that held nothing but a simmering measure of fondness so sincere, it made his throat suddenly tight and his heart a size too large for his battered chest.

The way you had looked at him tonight.

And with this one last job, one final flurry of guns and carnage and glinting golden coins, he just might be able to secure a measure of that once more, redeem the sliver of his soul that wasn’t damned to writhe in the fiery pits of hell for all the death he had dealt.

So, after a steeling breath and a silent plea sent desperately to whatever blood-soaked deity would still heed him, John reached out a steady hand and gently shook you awake.

[gothamstreetcat]

If you have time and want to, I’d love to see what you’d say are your creations to come from the Unofficial Batcat Fam. So, basically, ✨ + Itzel, Kayleigh, you, and Sophie’s stuff. (People changed their URLs and I’m on mobile so I’m not typing them out in fear of messing up the URLs. YOU’RE AMAZING AND CRAZY TALENTED AND SO KIND AND I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST DAYS AHEAD!)

girl don’t ask me why it took me so long to respond... i’ve been feeling nostalgic and i miss you guys a bunch. i love you all so much and i think each of you is extremely talented. i’m very blessed to be part of our little batfam

Itzel ✨ @brvceselina

desrest itzel, (i scrolled through all your edits by the way) as much as i’d like to scream again over this edit, i’d like to bring particular attention to your let selina kyle be this happy challenge (petition to make this my new header? I think so) and your because you matter to me edit. first off, i really admire how naturally stunning your gifs always look and i think it’s a real shame i feel you don’t get the credit you deserve. i mean really, your gifs look very natural and yet in so many of them selina is truly glowing. i also really admire all the fonts you use because they are really delicate looking and pretty. i wish i looked as gorgeous and happy as selina in your ‘be happy challenge’ but also i really want that sweater. maybe in black, though? the blue is so striking against selina’s smile and cheeks! i just love her. for your ‘because you matter to me’ edit i really love the quote you choose. it tears be apart because selina really does deserve those things and by god bruce is probably the only person to hold her without selfishness. i could stare at this gifset for hours and i think you really can see the relief in selina’s face and you captured it so well. this set is just so perfect in every way because bruce is all these things and more. catch me writing a fic, i dare ya.

Kayleigh 💜 @marthaskane

girl, you know i think the internet is beyond blessed to have your unique sense of style. i really like both your heroes vs villains sets. your torchwood set is to die for. this selina set is so freaking fierce you could cut the competition with that blue coloring it is gorgeous. it’s really so very hard to pick one but i think i really wanna highlight your batparents x batcat set for a minute. I think i could actually scream about this for hours if i had my mead on straight. can i just say, you mind? you really are perfect for putting this together and consistency aside, i just love it. pennyworth had to have know what they were doing to us giving us the parallel between thomas and martha--and golly there are a lot. it makes you wonder if in some small way, bruce and selina are to suffer the same fate as them. i mean, it’s gotta be some kind of fate that they’ve both been in that same position over the one they love (although, as i’m writing this stupidly i realize that i’m sure thomas getting shot is somehow to be a reflection of his and martha’s murder--but still. but, could you imagine martha being with him at the hospital and them having to pretend to be married--bickering when the doctor walks in and says they seem like an old married couple and martha is like haha, unless... i wish there was more i could say but i really think this set speaks for itself. p.s i have a lot of your old sets in my drafts so hopefully they get some good tags along the way ;) 

Sophie 💕 @clara-oswin-oswald 

sophie, you know i think all your doctor who edits are top. fucking. tier. but if i had to pick  a favorite i think it would be this purple one (it is really just so pretty). i also really love the coloring you did for this edit (it might just be my fav)--like, if i could be green with envy, that’s exactly the shade of green i’d like to be. really in love with your coloring on this set and this set. of course, your dc edits are also awesome and even if purple is not your color you really use it well! this was such a lovely color pallete as well. yeah, i miss your gifs and i just think you’re super talented 

Emily ♥️ @apple-grass-and-smiles​

you didn’t think i’d skip you did i? first off, big shout out to your fic a death by a thousands cuts would be easier because you mentioned everyone in our little batfam, so it deserves an honorable mention. also, feels like i’ve been listening to this song a lot lately so... however, the fic that really does it for me has to be shiny toy with a price. maybe i cheated a little by just looking at my tags for this one, but it really helps me know what i wanna say--AND WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS how perfect this fanfic is. I can’t help myself, can i just copy my tags here because--

#I love all the little details you have poured in the beginning talking about the flat/snacks#detail is literally what I live for #My FAVorite bit what when you described Bruce needing to realize he'd totally go off a cliff just because Selina was doing it too #which is such a good line (and I'd totally steal it if I could) simply because you talked about how Bruce needs rules and guidlines #based off of how he grew up #But Selina somehow causes him to be a little wild which he loves #he would fucking follow her anywhere and not question why #not only that. but going into your entire labeling conversation #I really think it digs deep down somewhere where Bruce only wants to show his love for Selina and Share her in some way with the world #he loves her and he's not ashamed to be with or around her on every level #and yes that scares the absolute shit out of her because no one has ever loved or seen her like Bruce #and it's funny because I think the two of them will always have this crazy idea of I'm not good enough #And I really respect Selina's 'why can't we just be us?' line because it's my favorite #also I LOVED the little details of Bruce betting Alfred's and Selina betting things Bruce has in his room #because he probably doesn't even know #and it's like. they spend christmas together and Selina panics and wraps whatever Bruce has in his room #and he opens the freaking box so happy and grateful not even realizing his father bought it for him years ago #and I love how he put her legs back over him #and how he didn't want to keep her a secret #and the 'I could be bleeding' line is so ironic considering she was bleeding right in front of him and he was the First to know #with her blood running wet and hot between his fingers but all that and it really shook him when Selina did what she did #Emily you are so talented and I hope you continue to write

so yeah... that’s my lazy contribution. but also, i wanna add how i’ve always loved that despite bruce and selina feeling like neither is good enough for the other, they are not ashamed to be together. or seen together. and i feel like it’s obvious how hard it is for bruce to fit in yet, with selina it feels like he doesn’t have to try to fit in or be someone he’s not. and i saw somewhere today how selina was telling bruce if he didn’t give her the knife “barbara would never see her as an equal” yet, with bruce she already is an equal, and she always was. 

i think i should stop myself because i really don’t want to go overboard or bother anyone or hurt their feelings. i kinda wanna skip me but if i really have a fav we all know it’s my batcat x lover well... maybe my daytime edit too and love letter

[cherrybracelets]

why [s. harrington x henderson!reader]

song inspo | steve playlist | masterlist

word count: 3.7k / warnings: none really, mostly fluff, alcohol mention

an: hi guys!!! i kinda went off on this one oops!!! please check out my masterlist for more fics if you like this one, and i always appreciate feedback and a reblog! ❤️

“God, Dustin, if you don’t get out of that bathroom in the next five minutes I’m literally going to kill you!” You screamed, slamming your fists on the wooden door for the thousandth time this morning.

“Relax, (Y/N), I’m almost finished! God you’re so annoying!” Your little brother, Dustin, yelled back. You groaned loudly and stomped back to your room, desperately needing to finish blow drying your hair before the party.

You heard the bathroom door open, and Dustin walking over to your room. He popped in your doorway with a devilish grin, his hair slicked back with hairspray.

“Bathrooms all yours, sis. Make sure you wear that one red lipstick, I think Steve will love it,” Dustin said, winking at you.

“Ew, Dustin. How many times do I have to tell you, me and Steve will never happen. Get over it. We’ve hated each other since middle school, and that’s not gonna change!” You stood up quickly and stomped to the bathroom, Dustin following behind you, frowning.

“C’mon! Give him a chance, (Y/N)! He’s a good kid!” Dustin has been pleading for you and Steve to date since the first time they fought Dart together. Dustin saw Steve as an older brother, and if you two ended up together, Steve would literally be his brother (in law). That was Dustin’s dream- and he reminded you of it every day.

“Jesus, you are so annoying. Why don’t you just shut up and make sure you have Wills’s gift ready!” You slammed the bathroom door in Dustin’s face, making sure to lock it so he wouldn’t barge in. You took a few deep breaths, trying to ground yourself from screaming out of frustration. You plugged your hair dryer on and began styling your hair, using the noise of the machine to drown out your frustration.

You had never really liked Steve, but it became especially frustrating when he decided to informally adopt your brother. Dustin thought the kid was a god, and that did not help Steve’s already overbearing confidence. You understood that Dustin only had you and his mom, and he needed a male role model, but you wished it was anyone but him.

You and Steve had a long- and very negative- history. You guys used to be friends, way back in the day, when life was simple. But that all came to a firey halt in seventh grade. You had a huge crush on one of Steve’s friends, Tommy, and you made the mistake of spilling that to Steve.

Steve took it upon himself to tell Tommy, and they apparently though it was hilarious. You hadn’t really developed yet, so you weren’t as ‘pretty’ as the other girls in your grade. Even though, let’s face it, it was seventh grade, and no one was attractive. But your self confidence was especially low, so when Steve apparently dared Tommy to fake ask you out in front of the whole school- you were crushed. And rightfully, you have never forgiven him.

It haunted you all the way up until you graduated. People never seemed to forget, and every one in a while you’d get reminded of the most humiliating day of your life. And it was even worse having to see the man who orchestrated the event around all the time. You never told Dustin about it, because you knew he looked up to Steve, and you didn’t want to take that away from him. But it was hard when you constantly had to hear how amazing he was.

You were feeling yourself get worked up just thinking about it, your breathing get quicker and your cheeks getting hot with stress. You tried to shake the memory out of your head, tousling your curls as you moved. You put a light lipstick on, double checked yourself in the mirror, and headed out of the bathroom. Dustin was waiting eagerly with a poorly wrapped gift in his bedroom.

“I got Will this super cool new edition of D&D! He’s gonna freak,” Dustin said excitedly, hoping up from his bed and following you down the stairs.

“Super happy for you nerds,” you groaned, grabbing your purse from the kitchen counter and rustling around for you keys.

“You’re gonna regret being so mean to me one day when I’m super rich.” Dustin raised his eyebrows at you, and you just rolled your eyes, walking out the front door to your car.

“You’re gonna regret being such a brat when I sacrifice you to the demodogs,” you said, laughing as you unlocked your car.

“That is not funny! Don’t joke about that!”

“Oh, relax Dustin, don’t go crying to Steve about it.” You hopped into your drivers seat and waited for Dustin to get buckled up before starting your car. He was excitedly fiddling with the bow on his gift, hoping that no one else got Will the same gift.

“I still don’t understand why you hate Steve so much, anyways,” Dustin mumbled, leaning his head against your car window.

“I’ve told you a million times, we just have a history, okay. It’s none of your business,” you snapped, raising your voice at him. “Besides, I’m going on another date with Andrew this weekend.”

“Ughhhhh,” Dustin groaned, rolling his eyes obnoxiously. “That guy is seriously the worst, (Y/N). He is super boring, his hair sucks, and he doesn’t know anything about the upside down. You can’t actually date a guy who doesn’t know what you’ve seen!”

“I don’t care about his hair, Dustin! That’s not a priority to me!”

“Well, it should be, okay? I don’t want my nieces and nephews having dweeb hair.”

“Don’t talk about my future children like that, idiot.” You punched Dustin lightly on the shoulder, and he screamed loudly, clearly faking pain to try and get on your nerves. You just pushed him again, and continued driving to Wills. The rest of your drive was spent listening to Dustin tell you about the new rules of his game, and you trying your best to pretend you were interested.

When you finally got to Wills, you recognized Steve’s car and instantly felt nauseous. You really did not want to spend time with him, but you also knew Joyce was excited to see you today, and you couldn’t let her down. You parked your car grudgingly and took a few moments before getting out. Dustin had already ran inside to his friends, showing off his wrapped gift.

You walked into the house quietly, not wanting to distract anyone from the birthday celebrations. Joyce ran to you, excitement on her face, and greeted you with a warm hug.

“(Y/N)! It’s so good to see you, you look beautiful,” she said, cupping your face in her hands and looking at your outfit.

“Sorry we’re late, Dustin is a brat and takes forever to get ready,” you responded, rolling your eyes and giggling a bit.

“There’s drinks and food in the kitchen, help yourself. Everyone else is scattered around somewhere, I’m sure you’ll find them!” She kissed you on the cheek before walking away and finding her son. You walked over to the kitchen, hoping to get a few seconds of peace and quiet. To your disdain, you were greeted by Steve, standing alone and pouring himself a drink.

“Hey, sorry if I’m in your way,” he mumbled, moving from the counter and spilling his drink on himself a bit.

“It’s fine, I’m just gonna grab a beer and go say hi to the kids, anyways,” you responded, pulling a cold bottle out of a cooler. You tried to twist it, but couldn’t manage to get the cap off.

“Can I help?” Steve asked, reaching out to take the bottle from you. You handed it to him without saying a word, and he took the bottle to his lips and bit the cap off with his teeth.

“Jesus,” you cringed, the thought of that against your teeth making you shiver.

“Little party trick I learned back in high school, I forgot some people get freaked out by it,” he laughed, handing you the bottle. You took a big swig, realizing Steve’s lips had just touched the mouth of your bottle. The thought made you a little uncomfortable, thinking about his lips on yours. He did have beautiful lips though, soft and pillowy. And he was always wearing this vanilla chapstick- you figured he kisses would taste like a milkshake.

Why the fuck are you thinking about kissing Steve? God, Dustin has really got in your head. You thanked Steve and walked out of the kitchen before your brain could dive any deeper into those thoughts.

The living room was packed with all the kids, eating chips and drinking soda. They were laughing over something Mike had said, and you smiled at Dustin, seeing him so happy made you warm inside. He had been through a lot- they all had- but seeing them all here, laughing and playing like kids are supposed to do, it made you feel good.

“(Y/N)!” Max yelled, running up to you and giving you a tight hug. El quickly followed her and hugged you as well.

“You two look absolutely gorgeous- new outfits?” You asked, tugging a bit on Max’s new shirt.

“We went to the mall this weekend!” El responded, putting her hands on her hips and posing for you. You laughed at the two girls, happy to see them enjoying things. You had felt a need to protect them, especially, knowing how hard it is for girls at that age.

“Could you teach me how to curl my hair later?” El asked, running her hand through your soft curls.

“Of course, lady. I think you’d look gorgeous!”

Mike had yelled at them to come see something, and they said they’d talk to you later, before running off back to their friends. Nancy and Jonathan were hanging on the couch, watching Will and the kids having the times of their life. You sat down next to her, making small talk with them for a few minutes before Joyce walked into the room.

“Alright, I have to run up to town and pick up the pizzas. Are you guys all good here for a bit?” She asked, keys in hand. She looked at you and Nancy, a look that said ‘If anything happens, I’m blaming you two, since you’re clearly the most responsible ones here besides myself.’

“We’ll take care of them, Joyce. No worries,” you responded, smiling kindly at her, letting her know you wouldn’t let anything happen to anyone. She smiled back, and headed out the door.

“Alright, now the real party starts!” Lucas yelled the minute Joyce closed and locked the door.

“Woah- woah. What are you talking about?” Nancy asked, standing up quickly and putting on her mom voice.

“Oh relax, Nance. Just a friendly game of truth or dare,” Mike responded, raising his eyebrows at the group around you. “And you all have to play, too,” he said, looking at you, Nancy, Jonathan, and Steve, who was now standing behind you.

“No, no. We’re just here to supervise, we’re not playing any games,” Jonathan responded in a stern voice.

“Please!! It’s my birthday!” Will whined, making a fake pouty face to try and get you all to feel bad for him.

“What’s the harm, right? They’re just kids,” Nancy said, putting a hand on Jonathan’s shoulder.

“You shouldn’t trust any of them- they’re evil geniuses. One of them even has super powers!” Steve said jokingly, eyeing El and making her laugh.

“Fine, we’ll play for a bit, but everything stays PG, got it?” You said, crossing your arms and the group and raising your eyebrows. They all nodded in agreement, smiling at each other, happy that you all agreed.

“Okay, first things first, everyone write your name down on a piece of paper and put it in this bowl,” Lucas instructed, pointing to a small blue bowl that was sitting in the center of the coffee table. You all did as you were told, passing around a pen and notepad until every name had been put in the bowl.

“Then, we’ll go around in a circle and pick a name, so it’s not biased. The person you picked gets to give you your truth or dare,” Mike quickly said, shaking the blue bowl around with his hand.

“Sounds easy enough,” Jonathan answered, sitting forward in the couch.

“And once everyone goes, you put the names back in the bowl and start again!”

Everyone nodded in understanding, the older group just wanting to get this over with. You sighed loudly, waiting for someone to start. Steve came and sat next to you, his knee slightly touching yours and you all squished on the couch together. You felt a heat growing as his skin touched yours, wanting so desperately to move away, but feeling physically unable too.

“I’ll start!” Max said, happily, pulling a name out of the hat. She giggled a little when she read the name of the piece of paper. “Lucas!”

“Alright, truth or dare?” He asked, jokingly making faces at her and making her laugh.

“Dare, obviously!”

“Alright...” he said, thinking intently on what to do. He looked over to the kitchen and smiled devilishly. “I dare you to eat a spoonful of mustard!”

“You know I hate mustard, you ass hole!” She crossed her arms and pouted at him.

“Exactly. And you have to do it- a dares a dare!” Lucas looked around for approval from the other guys, who were all nodding in agreement.

“Fine!” She responded angrily, standing up and walking towards the kitchen. She came back a few moments later with a spoon piled high with mustard. The though even made you a little queasy. She looked at Lucas with a smile, before shoving the spoon in her mouth and swallowing.

“Ewwww!” The kids all said in unison, looking away from her as she did it.

“Oh god, it’s so gross. Someone get me water!” She yelled, reaching out around her for a drink. Steve handed her his water bottle, and she chugged it with a disgusted look her face. The kids were laughing in hysterics as she struggled to get the taste out of her mouth.

“You guys are evil!” Steve said, laughing as he shook his head in shock.

“God, I am so going to get you back for that, Sinclair,” Max said, her face still scrunched in disgust.

“Steve, your turn,” Mike said, pushing the bowl towards him.

“Oh god. I am not letting any of you little shits make me eat anything gross, got it? I’m an adult!” He said, pulling a piece of paper out of the bowl. He looked at it and groaned, rolling his eyes. “I’m in for it now. I picked Dustin.”

“Hell yeah!” Dustin said, excitement glowing on his face.

“I’m picking truth, because I especially do not trust you, Henderson!” Steve laughed, sitting back and crossing his arms.

“Oh come on! Don’t be a pussy! It’s Wills birthday, have a little fun for his sake. Pick dare!” Dustin looked at Steve seriously, widening his eyes at him. Steve sighed and shook his head.

“Alright, fine. But be real careful with what you say next, kid,” he laughed.

“Easy. Seven minutes in heaven- you and my sister.”

You looked at Dustin, shock and embarrassment running through you. You felt your cheeks heat up, you knew you were turning a bright red. You looked over at Steve, who was also clearly uncomfortable.

“Absolutely not, we said to keep it PG!” You yelled, crossing your arms and shaking your head at Dustin.

“Yeah, for us! You guys are adults! Don’t act like you haven’t kissed before!” Dustin said back.

“I am not kissing Steve!” You yelled, floored with embarrassment.

“A dare is a dare!” El said, shrugging at you. You looked at her, disappointed that she wasn’t on your side.

“Cmon, lets just do it to please the kids. It doesn’t have to mean anything,” Steve whispered to you, the scent of vanilla chapstick flooding your senses.

“Fine. Dustin, I hope you know I am going to murder you later,” you said, standing up and walking down the hall to the bathroom. Steve followed suit, and you heard the kids giggling as the two of you went off to ‘Heaven’.

Steve came into the bathroom behind you, shutting the door as he did so. You wouldn’t look at him at first, too embarrassed to make eye contact. Finally, he put a hand on your shoulder, causing you to jump a little in shock.

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure you’re okay, you seem upset,” Steve said, quickly removing his hand.

“I am. This is ridiculous. I can’t go a day without Dustin shoving the idea of me and you together down my throat,” you muttered, sitting down on the sink counter and crossing your arms.

“I’m sorry. I know it sucks, but he’s just a kid. He doesn’t mean anything by it,” Steve said, pushing his hair out of his face.

“I know, but he doesn’t know about everything that happened between us, and I don’t want him to hate you so I won’t tell him.”

“What happened between us?” Steve asked, laughing a bit awkwardly. He looked genuinely confused, which offended you, because that meant he didn’t remember what he did.

“Are you serious? Seventh grade, you telling Tommy to ask me out in lunch as a joke? That ruined my whole life, Steve.”

“Woah, woah, woah. I didn’t tell Tommy to do anything like that. I didn’t even know about it until it was happening!” Steve responded, clearly upset about the accusations you were making.

“What do you mean Steve? Don’t lie to me! Mark told me it was all your idea!” You pouted at Steve, confused and upset, feeling yourself tearing up as you were recalling the event.

“Mark is a lying sack of shit, (Y/N)! He told you that to save his own ass! It was all him and Tommy- I swear to God!” Steve was defensive, pacing up and down the bathroom in frustration.

“But I told you about having a crush on Tommy, not Mark!”

“Okay, that part was my fault. The thing is, I sort of had a crush on you back then, and Mark knew... but when you told me about Tommy, I got upset and told Mark... but I swear, if I knew he was planning that I would’ve never told him! I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Steve was upset, his face red and his eyes watery as he pleaded for you to believe him.

“You really had a crush on me?” You asked, completely blown away by the fact that he even noticed you back then.

“I kind of always have... I always tried to talk to you in high school but you never gave me the time of day. Now I know why,” he said, sounding defeated and broken. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, shaking his head and staring at the floor.

“Honestly, Steve... I had no idea. I thought... all this time...” you looked at the man sitting in front of you, falling apart in front of you. You sat down next to him, putting a hand on his, trying to comfort him.

“I’m so sorry... I never meant to hurt you... you didn’t deserve that...” Steve mumbled.

“I’m sorry too, I just believed him and I never let you explain... I’ve been such an ass to you for years for something that wasn’t even your fault!” You started laughing, an uncontrollable giggle that was just rolling through you. For years you had pushed away a sweet, funny, and handsome guy for a lie someone told you when you were 13. Unbelievable.

“Why are you laughing?” Steve said, also starting to laugh himself.

“Because, I just can’t believe this. And it took a dumb game of truth or dare to find this out... I’m just shocked, I guess.” You stood up, wiping tears from your face as you continued to giggle. Steve stood up too, quickly wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you towards him. He kissed you, the kind of kiss that he had been waiting for all his life. A kiss that you felt everywhere in your body, his lips moving intricately with yours. And you were right, kissing him was like tasting a vanilla milkshake.

Steve’s hands were locked on your waist, pulling your body closer to him every second. You had wrapped your hands in his hair, the soft locks melting through your fingers. He finally let go of your waist and his hands trailed down to your butt, squeezing slightly. You giggled a bit at his touch, and felt him smile through your kisses.

“Times up- OH SHIT!” You heard your brother yell after he swung open the door. You and Steve quickly jumped away from each other and stared at Dustin. “IT WORKED!” He yelled, running down the hallway to the living room.

“Dustin!” You yelled, running after him. Steve followed close behind.

“They kissed! It worked!” He exclaimed to the group, a proud toothless smile plastered across his young face.

“Finally!” Max said, shaking her head and laughing.

“Was this.... did you guys do all of this just to get me and Steve to talk?” You asked in shock.

“You little shits are unbelievable!” Steve yelled, hands on his hips.

“It worked though... didn’t it? You like her, she likes you... I was right!” Dustin was ecstatic, and you felt yourself blushing again as you looked over to Steve.

“I mean... I guess I do kinda like you...” You avoided his eyes, but he took your hand in his and smiled at you.

“Yeah, I kinda like you, too.” He squeezed your hand tightly, his smile making you melt, thinking about kissing him again.

“But you’re still dead, Dusty, you understand that? I’m going to kill you for real this time!” You laughed, ruffling Dustin’s hair and shaking your head at the kids. As much as Dustin annoyed you, he really did want you to be happy. And he was right on this one.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #285

"do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?”

What does your car smell like? You assume I have a car. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? ^ Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, Sara. I want to visit her again, but right now I have no clue when that will happen. I have another friend that wants me to shoot her wedding that was planned for this year, but it was delayed to an unknown date, so. What was the last thing you used a blender for? A margarita. Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yep. There's been a couple. Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? Yes. Mom and I aren't coming while Ashley's inlaws are there at her house, and then I think we're going to my other sister's since she wants to cook? I've only really overheard Mom over the phone, I'm not 100%. I'm just. Going with it. What’s your favourite flavor of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? Probably red velvet, or just double chocolate. I dunno. I love cake. I don't cook, though. Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Well, you're SUPPOSED to wear a fucking mask, but "it's a hoax" and "you can't make me" fuckheads don't listen, and it's poorly-enforced. You see people without them all the time. Do you still watch cartoons? I'm not opposed, I just don't watch television. Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No. Do you use Pinterest? Ha, I get most of my (unedited) avatars from there. It also gives me some pose ideas for photography. Are you wearing earrings? Ugh, no. I absolutely hate how the first holes stretched from heavy earrings. I need to get a proper tapering set if I want to actually use gauges (mind you, very small) so they look even semi-good again. I don't wear any in the second/upper holes because I think it just looks weird with nothing in the first. Do you know any sign language? Not anymore. In elementary school, we did do a play however where in one of the songs, we signed the lyrics. I remember zero. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Which breed of dog do you find most scary? None. Ever been to a pottery class? Not particularly, no. I've made pottery in normal art classes multiple times, though. When you were young, did you ever pretend to “marry” somebody? I have no idea. I don't have a specific memory. Don’t you just find it annoying when people get too much plastic surgery? Oh, fuck off. Is it your body? Is it there to boost YOUR confidence? Then your opinion doesn't fuckin matter. Are you the type who usually plays it safe? Yep. Who do you think about most? It's certainly not willingly, but Jason. PTSD kinda engraved his presence in my brain. How’s your grandmother? Both are dead. What’s your favourite type of cloud? Big, tall, and poofy cumulonimbus ones. Do you have a birthmark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yeah, a slightly darker brown blotch on the side of my right forearm, near the elbow. If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Probably people smiling. My nieces' and nephew's came to mind first. What is your most disappointing moment in life? I've been living it for years now. I'm not who I wanted or thought I would be at all. What is the best reward anyone can give you? Validation lmao. What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Meerkats, always. God, I can barely boil it down to three words. Loyal, complex, and brave will have to do. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Pink. Soft, pretty, gentle. What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? As a child, my big plastic crocodile named Marlin (yes, after the Finding Nemo character) that was the "main character" in my games of make-believe. As a teen, probably Rebel, the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. Now, it's absolutely the pebble I got upon "graduation" from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? I'm not sure; I've seen a good deal. Thinking of only the ones I've seen in-person, uhhhh... wait. A couple days before my overdose, in desperation, I called Jason's house in the middle of the night wanting to talk to him. His mom answered, and she talked to me for hours with such patience and kindness to try and calm me down. I miss her a lot. Is Frozen one of your favorite Disney movies? No, I never really liked it. If you were an explorer, would you rather explore the Arctic Circle, Antarctica, or Alaska? Ohhh, Alaska. It's gorgeous and at least not absolutely frigid everywhere. How many blankets do you sleep with in the winter? I usually just have my usual thick comforter, but if I'm seriously cold, I'll grab another smaller one to wrap myself in underneath the big one. Do you know of anyone who was in labor or gave birth to a baby during a major snowstorm? HAHA my mama w/ me. Do you enjoy eggnog during the winter - with or without alcohol? EW. Do you dress any of your pets in seasonal/holiday apparel? No; I really dislike the concept of dressing your animals unless it's truly for their own benefit/warmth. Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the reason for it? Uhhhhh. I have no idea. Are you a good cook? If so, who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to cook? NOOOOOOO. When was the last time something in your house broke? Did you manage to fix it or did you need to buy a replacement? Ugh, my laptop is fucked up. It's either the charger port, charger itself, or Mom thinks perhaps the battery. Her friend's husband is gonna look at it after Christmas. Is any part of your body hurting right now? What caused that pain? For once my legs aren't hurting. They almost always do from either muscle atrophy or them having been still for too long. The last time you made a sandwich, what did you put in there? It was just a normal 'ole peanut butter sandwich. What’s your favorite time of day? What’s your favorite thing to do at that time? First thing in the morning, because it feels like a new start. I like watching the sky change from pinkish to blue while I'm just sitting in bed checking everything. Where did you go the last time you left your house? I rode with Mom to her doctor's appointment. I didn't go in w/ her for obvious reasons, I just wanted to go on a ride and listen to music. If you eat steak, how do you like it cooked? What sauces or sides do you like to go with it? It has to be medium well. Idk what sauces are cooked into it that I like, because I don't make it. I like fries with steak, and probably Sara's mom's mashed potatoes would go well, haha. Do you prefer sweet or savory pancakes? What toppings do you have on them? I can't imagine me liking savory pancakes... I just like the usual: butter (not mandatory tho) and syrup. Are you someone who cracks their joints a lot? Which one(s) do you tend to crack and click the most? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO, I HATE THE NOISE SO MUCH. My lower spine pops a lot, though. Some fingers occasionally, too. Have you ever taken medication or tablets to help you sleep? Is this something you do on a regular basis? Yeah, I was taking Melatonin to fight insomnia for quite a while. I only stopped it because my mom was theorizing that it may have been making my nightmares worse, because her dad had AWFUL nightmares on it. I don't know if it did or didn't foor me, honestly. For you, what’s the worst thing about getting up in the morning? What about the worst thing about going to bed tonight? Knowing in the back of my mind that despite my hope, today's going to be the same as yesterday. I dread most nights the process of lying down and actually falling asleep, because it can take hours. Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Not only do I think diet sodas taste bad, but the artificial sweetener gives me awful headaches, anyway. What do you tend to wear if you’re just hanging about the house for the day? I'm only always in my pjs. When was the last time you dyed your hair? Did you do it yourself or get it done at a hairdresser? Ugh... it's been a very, very long time. It was done by a hairdresser, but per usual, the color didn't stick well. I am DYING to bleach my hair so I can dye it pastel pink, light silver, or like a creamsicle orange. I edited some pictures of myself to "try" these colors on, and omg I loved them all. Does having to wear a mask stop you doing things? Is this because you struggle wearing one or you just don’t like it? Not really, no. I barely go anywhere at all though, so I have Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Or have you perhaps been involved in one yourself? Were you at fault? Yes; yes; no. How many books do you read in a year? Do you enjoy reading or do you have to really force yourself to sit down and read? VERY few. I've only just gotten back into semi-regularly reading since Sara got me into Wings of Fire. I have one friend though that is an INCREDIBLE bookworm; she keeps track of how many books she's read in a year, and she's already beyond one a day. It's incredible. If you have pets, where did they come from? A breeder, a rescue or maybe a friend who bred their pet? Roman came from Ashley's inlaws'. They have like an infestation of cats needing to be spayed, so they didn't at all mind letting me have one because I'd been wanting a cat for a long time. I love my baby boy so much. Venus came from The Gourmet Rodent, a snake breeding (and F/T rat provider, as the name suggests) business from Florida. I highly recommend them. Their customer service was fantastic when I was worried about Venus not eating. They even checked up with me a few months following my emails to ensure she was doing well. Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? No. I absolutely NEVER could. As an obese person who's been fighting her fucking ass off to lose weight for years, I don't want to be further depressed. Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? Oh yes I do. Ngl, if I don't want to hang for whatever reason, I'm the kind that makes up an excuse to not seem *as* "rude" (quotations bc it's technically not rude at all, anxiety just tells me it is). When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? Ummmm I'm not sure. Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? Do you consider iguanas or Chinese water dragons as "exotic/unusual?" Nothing stranger than that, really. I would never, ever own a truly exotic animal that wouldn't do well in captivity. I do however pretty desperately want to rescue an opposum one day, though. I positively adore them; they're my second-favorite animal. How often do you wash your hair? I don't even have a regular schedule for that anymore, honestly... I have to every time I shower because my hair gets oily FAST, but I try to put off showers as long as I can handle now because of how bad my selfcare has been for multiple reasons... What have you found the hardest about the current pandemic? Not seeing an end in sight because people are fucking dumb. Shit's not going to get better unless things drastically change. And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? Certainly nothing has improved. Not much has changed for me, considering I barely ever left the house to begin with. If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? They ignore each other, really. Surprisingly, even. Roman will sit on my bed and watch Venus slither about occasionally if she's out, even meerkat pose haha, and playful as he is, it's unexpected that he *does* mostly ignore her. What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? Breakfast; I had Special K cereal. I've finally started to get back on track with eating okay. Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? Where we live now, if you pass someone outside in the car, it's normal and really expected to give a little wave. That's very normal here in the South though, really; you don't just have to be in your own neighborhood. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? The chocolate Equate ones are normal in my diet, actually. They're really not bad at all and played a big role in me losing ~60lbs before. Funnily enough, I haven't found a popular name brand I like, though. Cheap stuff isn't always bad. Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? "Silly" ones, not really, besides Roman. I call him "weirdo" and "crazy" a lot, but nothing truly unique. What’s your favorite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? Nature or boudoir (only shot it once, but I love it and the confidence it gives people). Being as modest as possible, I honestly do think I'm pretty good at it. Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? I haven't had anything interesting planned in eons, it seems like. Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? Once it proves to be reliable and safe, hell yes. I'm doing my goddamn part in ending this shit. How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? A bit more than usual since I haven't finished decorating my room since moving... I've been doing it very slowly and gradually. I need to just finish it already, I'm just so unmotivated. What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? I'm fucking dying to get my tat redone/improved. Been waiting since LAST Christmas when I didn't get to use my own gifted money. Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? No. Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? "I’m a member of plenty, but hardly ever post." <<<< Same. I react to posts a lot, though. Just don't really make my own. When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? Ugh... when I went to the doctor I think last week. I knew it'd be bad, but the verification fucking sucked. Since moving, I've gained ~30lbs. Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? YIKES I am a CATASTROPHE. I've got a dictionary of mental health issues that I'm not gonna go through individually, but I deal with them via prescription medications and therapy and sheer will. Who taught you how to drive? My driver's ed teacher. It was mandatory in HS. What was your high school mascot? A firebird. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. What did you do after graduation? I very briefly went to a community college. What was your first job? GameStop sales associate. If my social anxiety wasn't fucking shit, I probably would have liked it. What did you want to be when you grew up? Somewhat in order: paleontologist, vet, movie director, game designer, animal biologist, video editor (VERY brief), and photographer. Writer, poet, and artist were always something I wanted to do in my free time OR full time if I was lucky. Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? I've never tried beer and don't want to. It smells fucking awful, and because my dad is a recovered alcoholic who was addicted to that in specific, I just want nothing to do with it. Did you ever try cigarettes? No. I have absolutely never understood the appeal, but with a very addictive personality and wild anxiety, I never wanted to risk it, anyway. How did you spend your summers growing up? LOADS of swimming in the pool, jumping on the trampoline, and just playing outside in general. If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? I'd absolutely change how I found happiness only in Jason. Do you remember your first time? No, because at that time, I didn't really realize it was sex. I know that sounds weird, like "how would you not know?", but just trust me. I don't feel like retrospecting on it. I do remember our first *kiss*-kiss, though. How much did you make per hour at your first job? I don't recall. Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? I looooved spaghetti. Favorite place to eat out growing up? McDonald's, duh, lol. Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. They were from different states, though. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? Don't like coffee. Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money? No. How often do you paint your nails? Never. Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader? Not that I know of. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't pay taxes because I'm unemployed. What is something you don't have any natural talent for? Speaking. At all. What is something you frequently forget? "Numbers." <<<< BIG fat same. How do you feel about your body? How much I hate it is on my mind literally every waking moment of my life to some degree. Who is someone you would like to get to know better? So I have this Facebook friend Courtlynn who seems very similar to me, and I'd love to get to know her better. We interact via posts here and there, but have never seriously talked. What's your opinion on assisted suicide? I am very much for it when a person is in serious pain and recovery is not possible. Like one of my greatest nightmares is being paralyzed from the neck down, and I stg I would spite whichever fucker had jurisdiction over me living. That would be absolute torture for me. At what point do you consider a relationship to be "long-term?" A year, so long as you were consistently together. Stable. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? My dad's been a mailman my entire life, and he had a second job at Lowe's for a while as a carpenter. He hated it. Mom worked with computer data at the hospital when I was very young, and then she was an assitant and special needs teacher for a long time. Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired? ^ about Dad. It's his only job now. Mom is currently on disability. Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan? Would you believe me if I said I'm unsure? Haha. I use a Tracfone, and my mom takes care of whatever plan comes with that, so idk. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom, absolutely. I'm unsure about Dad. I mean he wouldn't *seriously* care so long as they were good to me, but I think he might still be kinda racist. Or he just jokes about it a lot (which should not be joked about, btw). Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? "No way lol. I’m very much of a loner and want to be “prepared” to spend time with people." <<<< Absolutely this. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I love her very, very much. What was the last thing someone else bought for you? Food, I'm sure. Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? I haven't seen a picture of her in years, so I have no idea. I remember she was beautiful, though. Is music a daily part of your life? Not daily, no. Some days I only watch YT videos instead of listen to music. What do you think of country music? Not a fan at all. It's ironic considering it was my favorite genre as a little kid. There's the occasional country song I like (mostly ones from my childhood, though), but those are few and far between. Tim McGraw, now, I love. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yeah, even though I didn't want to. I didn't care enough about the actual ceremony. Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you? That would be the woman I took family pictures for. She's married and we barely know each other, so I can assure you she doesn't. When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? On the very rare occasion I wore makeup, yes. Eyeliner, usually eyeshadow, mascara, and most rarely, black lipstick. Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? Yes. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Mom, I think. Do you like where you are in life right now? HA. Is your mom overbearing? No.

[bbyyoungblood]

I Believe In Us | e.d.

A/N: I wrote this fic starting at 11:00 pm, and it is currently 3:42 am. I got this idea and I could not stop writing. I hope it’s good. Sorry, it is not really edited! 

-

New Jersey was beautiful this time of year. Actually, New Jersey was beautiful all year around, but there was something about the leaves in the fall that warmed your seemingly cold soul. Maybe it was the memories of bonfires and pumpkin patches, or maybe the special boy with chocolate eyes after a football game. Whatever it was, it was beautiful and you could not believe you were back in your hometown just in time to enjoy it.

Thanksgiving break, your sophomore year of college, was when you decided you needed to come home. Your parents were recently divorced, your father running off with one of his partners from his law firm, leaving your mom to an empty house. Nothing broke your heart more than seeing your mom in pain, so you packed your bags and headed to Jersey. This was not the most ideal situation, seeing as you were only a sophomore, but you had been in an academic rut recently. So, as much as the series of unfortunate events hurt your mother, it was an excuse for you to change your future plans.

When you told your roommate, Lauren, that you were planning on leaving, she called you stupid. This was understandable considering everything you gave up to go to Stanford. It was a lifelong dream to walk across the stage at Stanford, but your spark for learning was no longer there, not when your heart was pulling you home. You tried cutting all possible ties when you left. You broke up with your boyfriend, deleted all your friends numbers, and even got rid of all social media. Looking back, this was the exact opposite of how you should have handled the situation, but your life in New Jersey was your whole heart. Cutting ties seemed less painful than slowly losing communication to the most important people in your life.

Thinking back on all the people you left behind was still hard to swallow, especially considering you were back for an undetermined amount of time. Trying to get this off your mind, you though a good walk through the crisp November air would help. So, grabbing your purse and putting on your coat, you called through your childhood home to your mother, “Mom! I’m running down to Garry’s! You want anything from the store?”

You heard rustling coming from upstairs and then eventually loud footsteps coming down. Your mother’s slowly aging face came into view as she started to reply, “Yes, actually. I’m making some chili tonight, can you pick me up a tomato or two?”

You scrunch your face at the thought of tomatoes, but nevertheless shook your head, “I can do that. I’ll be back in an hour or so, okay?”

She just nodded and started tidying up the kitchen. You could tell she was stressed, cleaning always being a way to channel her negative energy into something positive. Just as you were almost out the door, you heard her call out your name, “Y/N?”

“Yeah, mom?”

“Maybe stop by the Dolan’s on your way back home. Lisa told me that Ethan misses you.”

Your cheeks turned bright red at the thought of the dark haired boy who has held your heart for god knows how many years.

“Yeah, okay mom,“ and with that you walked out the door.

-

The walk to Gary’s Supermarket was longer than what you remembered, probably because the last time you had walked there was before you could drive. You didn’t mind it though, the leaves were bright reds and oranges this time of year, and it gave you time to think about your forever crush.

Mr. Ethan Dolan had you wrapped around his little finger since the day you were born, two months exactly after him. Lisa and your mother had been great friends in cosmetology school, even living together before meeting their spouses. Because your mothers were best friends, you and the twins were destined to be best friends. Only everyone believed you and Ethan were probably meant to be a little bit more than that, and they were right. Ethan would pick you up on the playground and dust you off, Grayson would pull your pigtails. Grayson loved you, of course, but he saw you more as an annoying little sister, not a beautiful girl that could do no wrong.

The two of you stayed close your whole lives, and as cliche as it is, you were each other’s first almost everything. He was your first kiss, as a dare you might add, when you were tiny seventh graders. Ethan took you to your first high school dance, where he would later become the first person you made out with. He would also be your first time after a football game your junior year, where he just looked so good covered in a thin layer of sweat. You and Ethan were inseparable for the longest time, but you never made it official, which meant girls liked Ethan and boys liked you.

Mason Longmoore was your first boyfriend, one of the only firsts Ethan wasn't lucky enough to hold. He was a rich fellow who loved golf and beer a little too much. He was good to you, for the most part, and Ethan still was your best friend. Mason, however, was absolutely not supportive of the Stanford acceptance letter you got halfway through senior year. He expected you to stay almost until you were boarding the plane with your carry-on by your side. Deciding that someone trying to hold you back, like Mason tried, was not what you needed, so you broke it off right there in gate six.

Gate six. Not only was this the gate you decided Mason was no longer your boyfriend, this was the gate you apparently decided that Ethan Dolan was no longer your best friend. Looking back you were not proud of what you did, but it seemed as if it was the right choice because you were trying to start over. You told Ethan that you loved him and that you were going to miss him, but that it would probably best that you didn’t stay in contact. This shattered the boy’s heart, he had been in love with you since freshman year. Actually, probably earlier, but he refused to admit it. That was the last time you had talked to Ethan, coming up on almost two years now.

Shaking your head at the bad memories that stupid gate held, you walked into the Gary’s, taking off your gloves and putting them in your coats pocket. The rundown supermarket looked exactly the same as it did back in high school. Walking down the isles was almost like muscle memory at this point. You grabbed a basket and started towards the produce. Considering the time of year, the tomatoes were quite sad looking and you didn’t know if you were going to find a good one in the bunch. Finally, though, after some searching, you found a decent one. But soon the tomato would be dropped to the ground after a voice coming from over your shoulder startled you.

“Y/N Y/L/N, I don't think I have ever seen you so close to a tomato before.”

You turned right around at the sound of his angelic voice and holy shit did he look good. Ethan was maybe a little bit taller, hair shorter, older, with stubble gracing his chin. “Oh my god, Ethan! You scared me!”

Ethan grinned from ear to ear with a slight laugh coming from his pink lips. “How are you? It's been what, two years?”

You frowned at the mention of how long it had been since you last talked to your childhood best friend. Realizing your furrowed brow, you smiled slightly, “Yeah, just about. I’ve been good. It’s good to be home, with my mom, you know?”

“I heard, yeah, my mom told me. I was actually going to-” Ethan was interrupted by a feminine voice behind him, followed by a beautiful girl placing her hand on his shoulder.

“Ethan, whose this?” This girl was gorgeous. She had brown skin with light eyes and a body that could be on a runway. She made you pull your jacket around your body, a habit you had when you felt insecure. Ethan looked at the girl, to you, then back to the girl.

“Uh Nyah, this is Y/N. Our moms are super good friends. Y/N this is Nyah,” there was a pause, “my uh, my girlfriend.” After what happened to your mom, you didn't think anything could hurt you anymore. You were wrong, though, because his words sent a sword right through your heart. Knowing that you couldn't show your hurt, you kept a smile on your face. Ethan, however, could tell a genuine smile from your fake one. He knew that your smile was not reaching your eyes. Trying to cover your heartbreak took a step back and sucked air through your teeth.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Nyah. And good to see you, Ethan.” You needed to leave Gary’s and go back home so you could pretend this encounter never happened. “I would love to stay and catch up but my moms making chili and she needs this tomato, so I'm going to head out. Tell Grayson hello for me?”

Ethan’s face dropped just a little bit but he recovered soon enough, “Oh, yeah, of course. We’ll catch up later.” He waved at you as you practically ran away with a nod.

Nyah could tell that seeing this mysterious girl she had never heard anything about changed Ethan’s mood drastically. Concerned, she gave Ethan a look that seemed to ask ‘do I have anything to worry about?’

Ethan knew this look and just shook his head, because honestly, he had no idea.

-

Diner at the Dolan household was always an event, especially when all the kids were home. Well, Ethan was always home because he still lived there while attending the local community college, but when Grayson and Cameron were home too. Each child helped and had a ‘special role’ as Lisa called it. Cameron would help cut veggies, Grayson made desert, and since Ethan burns water when he cooks, he gets dish duty.

So, that's what Ethan was doing now. After an awkward run in with his first love and a dinner that made him gain twenty big ones, he was loading the dishwasher while his mom cleaned up the counter.

“So, uh, I saw Y/N today when I was at the store with Nyah.” Ethan glanced over at his mother to see she stopped wiping the counter at the mention of her best friend's daughter and was looking at him waiting for him to continue. “Maybe home for Thanksgiving or something. I don't know, we didn't get to talk long.”

Lisa sighed at her son and put the towel in her hand over her shoulder, “she's back for good actually. Rachael said Stanford was getting a little lonely, and with all the things that have happened lately, Y/N wanted to come home. She's going to start classes at C.C.C. after Christmas, I think.” Lisa knew about Y/N coming home for a long time but didn't know if telling him that the first person to break his heart was back in town would be a good idea. Ethan put up a tough front, but he was a softie.

Ethan’s ears perked up at the mention of Y/N taking classes at the same place he did, where his girlfriend did. “Central, really?”

“Apparently.”

“Hmm.”

Lisa frowned, “are you okay with her being back, after everything? I know you have Nyah now, but-”

Ethan cut his mom off, “I’m not going to breakup with Nyah just because Y/N is back.”

“Oh you know I am not saying that. I am just saying the you and her never got closure on whatever teenage feelings you had for one another.”

“Mom, we were just friends.”

“Mhmm.”

“We were!”

Lisa let out a laugh at Ethan’s persistence, “I am just saying you should talk to her.”

Ethan knew his mother was right, he never did get closure, and with you back, he didn't know if he could move on without it. He was happy with Nyah, she made him laugh, but he couldn't ignore the lingering feelings for you. “Do you think she has the same number?”

“I’ll text Rachael.”

-

“Mom it was so awkward! I hadn't seen him in forever, and he has a fucking-”

“Language!”

“Shit- sorry, freaking supermodel girlfriend?” The walk home from Gray’s was quicker than the walk there, maybe it was because you were trying to put as much distance between you and Ethan as possible. As soon as you arrived at your quaint little home, you word vomited about your encounter to your mom.

“Yeah, Nyah. Lisa says she's nice.”

“Ugh, of course she is.” You don't understand why you were so incredibly upset right now, you should be happy for Ethan because you broke his heart and now he's moved on. But the little devil on your shoulder is upset that he'd forgotten about whatever you two were, and you hadn't.

“Y/N, honey, why are you so worked up right now? You haven't spoken a word to him in what? Two years?” Your mom walked over to you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I’m not sure what you expected. Ethan wasn't just going to sit back and wait for you to be ready for him.”

You scoffed, “Ready for him? Ready for what? Ethan were only ever friends, maybe you could've added a best in front of that at some point. But that's it!”

“Oh, Y/N. I know that's what you pretended yours and Ethan’s relationship to be, but I caught you two making out in the basement when I was doing laundry one time.”

“Mom! Oh my god, and you didn't say anything?”

“Of course not, Lisa and I have wanted you two together since the day I found out I was having a girl.”

“Mom!”

“Shush it. Maybe you should talk to him, I don't know, to get closure or something. Just so you're on the same page.”

“He has a girlfriend.”

“He does, and It’s not you. So, when you talk to him, you're going to respect that boundary and not bring it up.”

“Mom, what if he doesn’t want me in his life?”

Your mom sighed. It hurt her that it was even a possibility that Ethan might not want you in his life, considering you had just cut all ties with him. She understood, though, because when Ethan would come into the salon after you left for Stanford, she didn't see the sparkle in his eyes anymore. Ethan was hurt, for a long time. “Well, if that happens, then you respect that too.”

That last bit of advice your mother gave you hit hard. Ethan hadn't been in your life for a long time, but suddenly the thought of him doing the same thing you did to him made tears well up in your eyes.

Seeing how her words made your eyes watery, your mom gave you a tight hug, “his number is the same, I know you still have it memorized. Give him a call.”

-

A whole five days after the supermarket fiasco, Ethan had yet to push the ‘Y/N’ contact on his phone. He was overthinking it, he knew that, but what was he supposed to say? What do you say to your childhood bestie that you fell in love with after you haven't talked in a long ass time? Giving up, Ethan puts his phone down on the couch next to him while running a hand through his dark hair.

As Ethan let out a huff, Grayson walked in the door. “What're you doing just sitting on the couch? Isn't your girly-friend back in town, you said she was coming back today.”

Ethan looked up at his twin brother and nodded, “Uh, yeah, she's back.”

“Okay, cool, then why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Jus’ thinking.”

“About what?”

“Y/N.”

Grayson was almost startled by his brother’s words, he hadn't heard that name out of his mouth in a long time. “Y/N?” he questioned.

“Yup,” Ethan wished Grayson would just shut up, not wanting to speak his thoughts out loud.

“You gonna give me some explanation was to why you are thinking about Miss. Stanford?”

“She's back.”

“Back, like for break, or?” Grayson’s words wandered off.

“Like back, back. Like taking classes at Central back. Like I ran into her at Gary’s while I was there with Nyah.”

“Oh shit.”

“Yeah.”

Grayson walked around the side of the couch to take a seat next to his brother. They sat in silence for a few moments before Grayson spoke up, “you gonna talk to her?”

Ethan ran a hand over his face and sighed, “Mom thinks I should, says I need closure or something. Gave me her number, even. I’ve been contemplating calling for a few days now.”

“What’s Nyah going to think about you meeting up with the girl who took your virginity?”

Smack. “Oh fuck off, Gray. Why do you have to be so gross all the time!”

“Ouch! I was just’ askin!”

The boys fell to silence again, this time a little longer, falling into deep thought about the girl Ethan once loved, or maybe still did. Grayson thought back to when she left them at the gate, after she broke his brother’s world. It made Grayson a little angry, what you did, but he also loved you like a sister still to this day. He wouldn't mind having you around a little more often. Maybe Nyah a little less, because she thinks Grayson lacks manners. He calls it spontaneity.

After weighing the pros and cons of you being back in his brother’s boring ass life, Grayson spoke again, “can I see your phone? Mines dead.”

Ethan just patted around the couch until he found the small object, handing it to Grayson. He tapped around on the device for a couple seconds before handing over to Ethan, “there.”

Ethan was confused and furrowed his brow, “huh?”

“It’s ringing. You should probably put it up to your ear now.”

“Oh my fuck! Grayso-”

“Ethan?”

“Hi, um, hi Y/n.”

-

Coffee. That's what you and Ethan decided would be the best way to talk. He had called you the Friday after Thanksgiving, and it was now Monday, the day you were meeting. To be completely forward, you were shitting your pants. You had no idea where the conversation would go, or what you two would even talk about and that made up nervous.

Looking down at you watch, you saw it was time to go, but your feet didn't want to move. Finally, after a few minutes, you got the courage to walk and grab your car keys before walking out the door to your car. He goes nothing, you thought.

-

“Nyah, I promise it’s just coffee!”

“No, Ethan! Grayson said-”

Ethan cut her off, not caring what stupid shit Grayson decided to poison his girlfriend’s mind with, “I don't care what Grayson said! All that should matter is that I’m saying it’s just coffee!”

“She was your first time, right? You loved her, right?”

Fucking Grayson. “Nyah, come on. It's not a big deal. We grew up together and just want to catch up.”

“So there's nothing going on, no feelings?”

“Nada.” Ethan was a liar.

“Promise?”

“Mmhm.”

Nyah just sighed and walked towards Ethan, “I’m sorry I yelled.” She was such an amazing girl, Ethan didn't know why she would ever be with someone as un-put together as him.

Ethan hugged her and smiled slightly, “Its okay, I understand.” He looked down at his phone and saw the time, he had to go. “As much as I’d like to stay, I need to go. See you later?”

“Yeah. I love you.”

Ethan let go of Nyah and walked towards the door, glancing back and giving her a smile.

Ethan didn't say it back.

-

“Oh goodness, or that one time when you pushed me on the swing so high I fell off and broke my ankle!” You were laughing so hard talking to Ethan you were crying. When he first arrived at the coffee shop, it was a little awkward. Getting past the ‘what's new’ crap always was. Once the two of you started talking about old memories, everything fell into place, it was like you had never stopped communication.

“Man, we had some amazing times when we were younger, didn’t we.” Ethan loved reminiscing with you, it was so great, but he knew you were going to ask about Nyah soon.

“So.”

“So.” It was getting just a little awkward again.

“So, Nyah, she seems great.” There it is.

“Nyah, yeah she's great. Super smart and beautiful.”

“Yeah, I bet.” There was a slight pause in your words, “How'd the two of you meet?”

“Um, school. She moved here with her parents last year, we had a couple classes and just hit it off.” There was more to their meeting but Ethan was not going to go over the gory details.

“Oh, nice!”

“Totally. So what about you? Anyone special?”

Just you, Ethan, you thought, “Uh no, actually. I was just super school oriented, I never really had time to socialize.”

“Ahh, I see.”

You should have never brought up Nyah, things were going so incredibly well, things between you and Ethan felt okay again. After that you fell into silence, just sipping your coffees in peace.

After what felt like an eternity, you spoke up, looking him right in the eyes. “E? Are you happy?”

This question startled Ethan, because two weeks ago, yeah he was happy as can be. He had friends and a good job and a fucking smoking girlfriend, everything someone needs to be happy, right? Now, though, he didn't know. You sitting in front of him right now made him aware of the you sized hole in his heart. Everything was different in a matter of days and it was kind of making his head spin. Remembering the love the two of you shared, Ethan wasn't quite sure he felt much for Nyah. That makes him a shitty person, he knows, but you were back and that changed things. Figuring he can't leave you hanging for much longer for a reply, “I’m not really sure.”

-

As the days came and went, they turned into weeks, which then turned into a month and now it was Christmas. Throughout the month of December, you hung around the Dolan household like it was the old times. You and Ethan played tricks on Grayson, and you had sleepovers with Cameron. You felt at peace with yourself again, for the first time in a long time you felt complete.

Now, you were getting ready to go over to Ethan’s house for Christmas lunch. Lisa was nice enough to invite you and your mother over to celebrate with her family considering that you two didn't really have any. Also, your mom was her best friend, and with you close to her kids again, there was nothing more than Lisa would like to see than everyone together.

After putting on some makeup and the cheesiest Santa sweater you could find, you were ready to head over to the lunch. Looking out the window, you saw big while flakes falling from the sky. New Jersey in the fall was your absolute favorite, but snow covered Jersey was a close second.

“Honey? You might want to pack an overnight bag just incase the weather gets bad enough, okay?”

You just nodded at your mother's request, excited for the day to come.

-

“Is Y/N coming over?”

Ethan rolled his eyes at his girlfriend, “Yes, her and her mom, Rachael.”

Nyah groaned, “She's always here, Ethan. I thought family Christmas lunch was for family only. Hence the family.”

“Y/N and Rachael are family.”

“Your ex and her mom are not your family.”

“Ny, why are you always trying to pick fights about this?”

“Because you love her Ethan!” Ethan was completely shocked by not only her tone, but her words.

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I see it in your eyes, E. Its the same way you used to look at me.” Ethan’s heart hurt at the way Nyah’s eyes made him feel ashamed for loving another woman when he was supposed to love her. Ethan just looked away and shut his eyes.

“Nyah.”

“No, don't deny it, that makes it worse.”

“I’m so sorry. I wasn't trying for this to happen, she just popped back into my life, all the feelings with it.”

Nyah nodded. She understood, because if her ex-boyfriend, one who tragically passed, came knocking on her doorstep, she would've left Ethan too. “Don't apologize for how you feel. You can't help it.”

“I never wanted this to happen. I liked you, maybe even loved you, Ny, but Y/N, she's got my heart.”

She nodded again, “I think I am going to go. Tell your mom I say thank you for inviting me here today.”

Ethan looked towards her with a sympathetic smile, “Do you want a ride home, it’s the least I can do.”

“No, I drove here.” Ethan just nodded, not knowing what to say. Nyah grabbed the few things she had laying around Ethan’s room, putting them in her back before reaching for the door. As she opened it, she looked at Ethan and smiled, “You better tell that girl you love her, or this would all have been for nothing.”

“I will, I promise.”

“Good.” And with that she walked out of his bedroom for the last time.

Ethan did feel a little sad, he had really deep feelings for Nyah at some point and a million and a half good memories. But, as much as he was sad, he was relieved because he could finally tell you how he felt.

“E? Where’s Nyah going? We eat in like, twenty minutes.” Grayson says as he walks into Ethan’s room eating a roll.

“We, uh, we just broke up.”

“Damn, on Christmas? Why?”

“Y/N.”

“Figures.” When Ethan said that it was because of you, Grayson had no doubts. He was happy knowing you made his brothers world spin. “Well, she's down stairs if you wanna talk to her?”

“Yeah, actually, I think I will.”

-

Ethan made his way down the stairs and down the long hallway, palms sweating all the way there. He couldn't really believe that after all you two had been through that you were going to end up together, hopefully at least. As he made his way into the family room, he saw your smiling face talking to his grandparents. This sight made him so incredibly happy. Feeling as if ten minutes before food was served was the best time for his love confession, he walked over to you.

“Hey Grandpa, can I steal Y/N away from you?” Grandpa just nodded his head, smiling at his grandson. As he pulled your arm out of the room and up the stairs you looked at him quizzingly.

“Where are we going?”

“My room.”

“Why's that?”

“To talk.”

When you reached his room, he shut the door and ushered you towards his bed, sitting you down. You looked at him standing in front of you, worried, “Ethan?”

“Nyah and I broke up.”

This shocked you. As much as it hurts to watch them together over the last month, you thought they were cute. “What? Why?’

“You.”

“No, what? Why would you do that?”

“Stop listen, Y/N. I have loved you since you wore diapers and had uneven pigtails. I loved you when Tommy Silva pushed you on the playground, and when we got dared to kiss in middle school. I loved you at all the homecoming dances we went to together, and the ones we didn't. I loved you when you were under me, in this bed, and I loved you when you were all the way on the other side of the country trying to live out your dreams. I have loved you forever and I honestly cannot imagine my life without you anymore. We have been apart before and I never want to experience that again.”

“Oh Ethan.” You were speechless.

“You taught me to be in this world, to live, to feel no hurt. You know my dad always used to say you got to believe in something, and I am choosing to believe in us.”

“Yeah, E, I believe in us, too. I believe.”

You grabbed his face and kissed his lips, something you had been waiting a long time to do.

You know you said that you loved New Jersey in the fall, but really, you just loved Jersey because that's where Ethan is.