#but most want to stay entrenched in many levels of illusion

[novadreii]

It's just really not worth it to me to be authentic with religious people about my lack of belief. I am careful to just not get too close to them because with people close to me I do prefer to be authentic. But I can easily mask as vaguely religious with co-workers, acquaintances, in-laws etc. It's not worth the headache because saying you don't "believe" in something to them that is as real as the air we breathe tends to make them at least mildly hostile to your existence. They instantly see you as the Non Believer NPC that religion conveniently warns them about. They see you as a little unwell, a little evil. Because you might as well be telling them you don't believe in mountains, or rain, or the color orange. To them, there really isn't something to BELIEVE in or not. If you're a good and morally upstanding person, you just have faith. Only in a religious context is having faith (carrying a belief without evidence) considered a good thing. In every other, you're a fool lmao.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.7)

Well, Natsume's really in it now! Today we'll be talking about what lengths Natsume will go to in order to protect the people he loves. He's not a normal boy with a normal first crush, after all. He has no intention of wooing her or flirting. In fact, his instinct is to distance himself, and going forward we'll see that instinct is motivated by more than just a low self-esteem.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Natsume has some major character flaws. He’s kinda a jerk in general and is rude and abrasive. He’s chronically selfless and seems to be drawn to situations where he can sacrifice himself for others, which is a very unhealthy way to be. He’s also terrible at keeping his word.

Natsume only made this decision on his own, but he’s pretty bad at carrying through with it. He’s the one who told her to stay away, but Natsume will have more and more trouble staying true to such an agreement.

At first, he makes an effort: Mikan is being bullied for her stupidity and sees Natsume. He glares at her, another discouragement from coming any closer. He doesn’t argue with her or join in on the bullying.

But in no time at all, the whole class is riled up in study mode because of Mikan’s example, and for many kids in Class B, the best person to turn to for tutoring help is Natsume, who is actually quite smart when he actually does the work--though he’d prefer not to. And he does help, though not with any kind or supportive words. He’ll leave that to Mikan. Maybe to him it feels a bit like a cheat, like he can afford to give in a little bit. He later walks alongside her after an exam, like he’s part of her circle, and although he’s not really engaging with her like the rest of the kids are, it’s enough that he’s near her.

And it’s enough for the ESP and Persona to notice.

We can see the ESP looking down on them from his headquarters room, still covered in shadows to maintain his mystery, but his figure is familiar enough for a reread. Natsume has been caught and he will have to face the consequences.

Persona subs in for Makihara-sensei (and we must wonder if Makihara was really unable to proctor his exam or if he was ordered to stay away so that a point could be made to Natsume), and despite his disguise, Natsume can tell it’s him instantly. After all, he was supposed to recognize him. Natsume looks horrified.

So far, Natsume has had to more or less balance two very different parts of his life: a more light-hearted life in Class B and his life as a spy and black ops agent. They’ve been difficult to juggle because of how different they are, but they’ve been pretty separated. Here, the lines are blurring. Was there really any divide at all or was that just an illusion? Persona can invade on his happiness any time he wants, on a whim, and nobody else will notice that anything is amiss. Only Natsume will be bothered, and that’s enough.

Natsume later catches up to Persona, asking him what the hell all that was about.

Permy and his fans aren’t the only ones to notice that Natsume has been softer lately--he and the ESP have noticed as well, and he’s been ordered to put a stop to it. He mentions a “kitten of a different color” who has been of interest to the ESP too, and Natsume plays dumb, his last-ditch attempt to protect Mikan from being drawn into this.

Persona comments on the strangeness of seeing the infamous Black Cat that he trained himself, who he’s supposedly only ever seen in action, sitting and taking a test like a normal kid. He reminds him that he’s not a normal kid. There’s no point in trying so hard. He won’t make it to ever see his family again, so why even bother?

And then Persona makes a point to discourage Natsume from getting close to that “kitten of a different color”. Natsume argues that they’re the ones who made them partners in the first place! And he might as well be giving himself away. Again, Natsume seems convinced that the partners thing was a decision from pretty high up, but I don’t think it was. Here, it seems like Persona is trying to clean up the mess Narumi made before it gets too out of hand. Natsume is a perfect tool and anything messing with that is inconvenient. They can’t unmake them partners (yet) so the most they can do is threaten Natsume.

And now we can see what kind of alice Persona has. It's a real threat, killing that plant. It's a reminder to Natsume what he's capable of, that his friends and loved ones could end up just like that plant.

And so Persona does.

Natsume is anguished here, because he’s been trying his very best to avoid this situation, but he should have known that Mikan was already in the academy spotlight and his feelings would be quickly caught. It was too late from the start and he was doomed all along to add Mikan to the list of people he will do anything to protect.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

The next chapter opens with Mikan being confused and hurt by Natsume’s sudden new coldness. She has no idea what’s brought this all on, but we do. Natsume has no choice now but to completely try and cut her off. It’s for her own good, after all. If he’s not careful, she could get hurt. Protecting her is worth it, even if it means he has to be even more of a villain than usual.

We don’t see a lot of Natsume in this chapter, actually, because he’s trying really hard to stick by his word this time. We see him trip up a little, staring at her in class. When she catches him, he turns away coldly, but from this we can see that Natsume really doesn’t want to be leaving her alone like this. If he had it his way, in an ideal world, he’d be much nicer to her. Unfortunately, Natsume doesn’t waste his time thinking about his ideals, so he keeps at it, pushing her away.

The next time we see Natsume, it’s after we’ve been thoroughly introduced to the concept of the life-shortening alice. This is one hint of many that he has such an alice, several chapters before we get a real confirmation.

The scene where Natsume struggles on a bed full of pills is perhaps more dramatic in the anime, but it’s no less potent here. It’s like a sucker punch. You don’t want it to be true. He’s ten years old, for heaven’s sake! TEN YEARS OLD! And he’s suffering, hunched over, face red, gasping for air, clutching his chest, next to the biggest bag of medicine I’ve ever seen. It’s the biggest hint we’ve gotten so far, especially in the context of Kaname’s illness.

It's heart-breaking to imagine that most of the time, Natsume is simply pretending like he's not in absolute physical agony.

Kaname stays at the hospital for long stretches of time, staying for weeks and sometimes months at a time. He’s hospitalized more than he’s able to walk around free. There’s a lot to consider when that treatment is compared to Natsume’s. Natsume is the DA favorite and is sent on many missions. His trips to the hospital are never for weeks or months at a time, not because he doesn’t need the rest, but because the school can’t stand to go so long without their prize fighter. Natsume might be in even worse condition than Kaname, but there’d be no real way to tell unless we got it from him, because he has no choice but to put up with it and pretend like he’s not living in constant agony. And on top of being terribly and terminally ill, he gets physically beaten somewhat regularly… this school beats sick children and then threatens them when they find any inkling of happiness.

There is a bittersweet tone about Kaname’s story. He’s already sick anyway but he will probably die if he keeps using his alice, but he wants to, because he wants to bring people the same happiness that making Bear brought him. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, but it’s touching too. That sweetness is missing from Natsume’s appearance. His situation feels miserable and helpless in comparison, because not only does he have no way out, but nobody even knows the extent of his struggles.

He only lets himself feel this level of pain when he’s all alone in his bedroom. He’s been having a horrible past few days, having to ignore Mikan when she’s all that’s made him happy in recent memory. All that together, and we know that this night was a rough one for him.

The next day, we see everyone saying good-bye to Kaname. Once again, Natsume is completely separated from the rest of them, all alone in the classroom, sitting and looking as miserable as one can expect. It’s strange seeing him now after we’ve seen what his nights look like and just how painful they can get.

I just want him to be okay. Why is that too much to ask?

There’s some text on his panel: “I want the future I spend with the ones I love to last just a little longer.” Yet another hint that maybe his illness is more than just that. He has very little time left, and very little time to spend with his loved ones, but even worse: he can’t even spend time with Mikan because doing so would put her in danger. Even with Youichi and Ruka the amount of time he can spend with them is limited. They have their own lives and he doesn’t want to hold them back or hint in the slightest that there’s something up with him. He doesn’t want to worry or burden them. And so he sits alone in the classroom, looking despondent and lonely.

And now we know more than ever that this was never his choice: he has to be like this.

No, he’s not the asshole he makes himself out to be, somebody who doesn’t care about others and cuts others off because he thinks himself above them. All he wants is to protect people from getting too entrenched in his dark life. Natsume being this level of a jerk is a method to protect people, a method an adult would have to take.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I’m quite relieved to have finally passed the point where the anime adapts the manga. From now on, I can focus entirely on the manga. I passed 22k words on this essay too! This whole thing will be sooooo long. I hope it’s an enjoyable read so far. It’s quite fun for me to write.

This chapter is the beginning of a long and dramatic arc. There’s been incidents of people losing their alices. The academy is withholding information about the gravity of the situation, lying that the students have not been affected so far.

But even with the little information the kids have, Class B is full of concern. Everyone is discussing these incidents, debating whether losing one’s alice would even be a bad thing. After all, they’d be able to go back home and see their families. Nonoko brings up a great point, that her alice is a part of her identity, something she loves about herself. It’s not something she’d ever willingly part with. Furthermore, she doesn’t want to leave all her friends at the academy either. Ultimately, the kids all agree that they wouldn’t want to lose their alices.

At this, Natsume stands up and leaves the room. He’s heard enough.

Natsume doesn’t just have complicated feelings about his alice--he feels hatred for it. After all, if it weren’t for his alice, he could live to a ripe old age. He could still be with his family. He could be happy, not used as a weapon by the academy to fight until he dies. He can’t relate much to the conversations about fondness for an alice. From what we can see, he’d be over the moon to be rid of it for good. This is a concept brought up now, because it will be incredibly important later on.

Not to spill about my personal life or anything, but I’m an English major (in an anglophone country so my focus is literary analysis and writing). Writing literature papers in school was a love of mine that I translated to my other interests. I’m writing what I can here about general themes and even visual parallels. I want to write as thorough an analysis as I can. Unfortunately, I can’t effectively pick apart word choices and phrases when they’re translated from another language and when so many conflicting translations may exist.

I’m saying all this as a disclaimer because I want to analyze word choice now and I am aware that this might not carry to the original Japanese or even to other versions of the English translation. (For reference, I’m using the TokyoPop versions for my analysis for the first 15 volumes and then I’ll be using whatever I get my hands on for the rest. The pics I use are from scans, but the main source I use for now is TokyoPop.)

"Nowhere!".... hmm let me read way too much into this.

Natsume leaves the room and Ruka chases after him, asking where he’s headed. Natsume responds, “Nowhere.” This might be a nothing point to make, but it stands out to me whenever I read this part. It’s a reassurance to Ruka, sure, but there seems to be more to it. On the surface, we can tell that Natsume doesn’t have a destination in mind; he just doesn’t want to be in the classroom anymore, listening to all that upsetting talk. Deeper than that, he really is heading nowhere. He’s stuck there, at the academy, unlike the rest of them who will eventually leave to go back home once they’ve graduated. Natsume will probably die at the school, trapped within its gates. He will probably never see his family again. He is, in that sense as well, going nowhere.

The rest of their conversation is just as packed with meaning. Ruka can tell something is up and he wants Natsume to talk to him, to let him in, but Natsume knows that Ruka has made a pact not to smile if he’s not smiling. So even though Ruka is asking and wants to know what’s wrong, Natsume won’t give anything away. Being miserable is one thing, but letting Ruka know that something is worse than usual would only make Ruka miserable too, and he can’t have that. The bottom of one page has him frowning, maybe steeling himself, and then at the top of the next page, he turns around with a grin to tousle Ruka’s hair.

Don't mind me. I am simply crying.

“It’s nothing,” he says with his smile, looking so gentle, and Ruka still looks concerned, but he can’t argue anymore.

In reality there’s a lot going on with Natsume. Later, when we are introduced to Tono, he mentions being concerned about Natsume’s health, having heard that he was making frequent visits to the hospital. We already know he’s sick and going on ceaseless missions, and on top of all that he has to ignore and be cruel to the girl he likes. It’s a terrible situation. But Natsume can’t tell Ruka any of this without worrying him, so instead he will keep it to himself. After all, it’s nothing that can be helped or changed. It’s something he feels he has to cope with on his own. To him, spilling his secrets would be selfish and only cause suffering.

Chapter Thirty

Iinchou has finally returned from his visit to his hometown. He’s brought gifts and anecdotes and everyone is quite happy to see him, until Iinchou attempts to use his alice and finds himself unable to.

It’s a shock to the whole class that a kid at their school has lost his alice. They had been so relieved that at least it wouldn’t affect kids like them, but now one of them is a victim too. It makes the fear much more real. If it could happen to Iinchou, it could happen to any of them.

Things get tense when Iinchou returns to class and says that this might have been the fault of a woman he encountered outside of the school, someone who was probably affiliated with Z. Everyone who was involved with saving Natsume when he was kidnapped is shocked to hear about Z again, but none more than Natsume himself. He gets up and leaves, just like he did last chapter.

He’s thinking about the proposal Reo gave, that Natsume should join Z and fight against the academy he despises. But he’s not alone with his thoughts, because Ruka followed him again, and so did Mikan this time.

She tries to ask him about Z, see if he has any more idea about what’s going on. She’s confused and he knows more than anyone what happened during that incident, but he’s refusing to acknowledge her presence, let alone answer any of her questions. He’s keeping up his charade of cruelty to keep her safe, but it’s driving Mikan crazy. She finally breaks, screaming at him that he should pay attention when people are talking to him, and further that if he has any issues with her he should just say it to her face.

Just like last chapter, we see a panel of Natsume steeling himself, ready to do the selfless thing to protect the other person. Only this time the next panel has him glaring at her, saying he doesn’t like anything about her. He hates everything about her.

Natsume has no choice but to lie all the time about how he's feeling, because everyone else must always come first.

It feels different, but in reality this is the same thing he did to Ruka last chapter. He can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s feeling upset, and he can’t be honest about his feelings when he’s actually starting to fall for a girl. He always has to hide his true feelings, repress and bury them, lie about them in order to protect everyone around him. It’s hard for him to do, but he thinks it hurts him more than it could hurt her, so he manages it.

What adds even more layers to this is that Ruka is observing the whole thing. He sees Natsume’s actions as selfless but misfires on the motive a little--but only a little.

He recalls eating strawberries with Natsume and Aoi, with Aoi cheerfully discussing her newfound love for the fruits. And so Natsume gives his to her. Aoi is surprised, because strawberries are his favorites. He responds easily, “I hate them now.”

"For you," Natsume says.

Ruka knows what kind of person Natsume is, that Natsume would reject something he loves so that his loved ones can be happy. They’re both aware that they like the same girl, and Ruka can’t help but put the math together and assume that perhaps Natsume is doing this for him, hurting himself and bringing himself pain so that Ruka can be happy and pursue a girl he has a crush on guilt-free.

He’s even more convinced of the theory with the tiny panel that reminds us of when Natsume shoved Ruka into Mikan so they could dance. Natsume loves Mikan too, but he wants Ruka to be happy, so he will give up and even ruin his own chances to help out his best friend over himself.

When I say it’s a misfire, I mean that Natsume has a lot of other things going on, including Persona and his imminent death. It’s not that he definitely isn’t doing this for Ruka, it’s just that it’s not as major a factor as other things. He’s mainly doing it because of the threats from Persona. If Ruka is involved in his thought process, it’s mainly a bonus. Ruka’s theory is definitely not unfounded; just not completely accurate.

In any case, it does add extra substance to the dynamic between the three of them, where they all walk away from the moment with completely different kinds of misery.

Before any of them can sit with their sadness, though, they receive word that an intruder from Z is at the school.

Conclusion

In this section, we explored how Natsume has no choice but to distance himself from everybody, and even how the methods he uses to distance himself look different depending on the person. Ultimately, despite the fact that he isn't the sweetest kid you'll ever meet, Natsume being cruel to this extent isn't a quirk of his personality: it's what he has to do. If he didn't have so many things being held against him, he might be much kinder to Mikan, or more honest with Ruka, but he has no choice in the matter.

In the next edition, we're getting more involved in the Z Arc and going into how come Natsume goes from telling Mikan he hates her to backing her cause and going on a dangerous mission with her.

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[red-is-the-new-blackington]

This quote is everything. Everything, because Red's heart is just so thoroughly in conflict with itself, and that conflict colors every interaction with Elizabeth, including this one.

One side of his heart, perhaps the bigger side, wants to be her selfless sin-eater, and for her to always choose herself over him. He sees himself as unworthy, as the hideous cave fish, the farmer who knows, in his heart, he must pay.

Yet, he's starved for her affection. He covets her regard. He can't stand the thought of her betraying him again. Every time she goes to bat for him, or offers up any genuine kindness, he's visibly affected. Stunned. Gobsmacked. The mere human that he is, he still yearns to become less hideous in her eyes, wants to be seen as a man and not the monster who thrives in darkness.

So here we are, thoroughly entrenched in his current conflict on death row.

He admits that he does want someone there with him at the end (but not like this). One side of his heart is speaking over the other. He can't bring himself to ask for her, or even Dembe. Perhaps he already knows that Dembe will be there, praying for him.

Red wants to make his permanent exile as clean-cut and painless as possible, for her. He wants her to take his money and GTFO, to make a better life for herself. He wants to preserve the illusion that she'll be more than fine without him. Sin-eater, guardian angel Red could feel good about that. It's enough. He doesn't need her there.

But then time is running out and yes, he does still want to see her again. He shouts her name when she appears because he can't help it. She's here. She's here, and however hard he tries to steer the conversation towards a reassuring place, she's laser-focused on saving him. She doesn't care about his money because no amount is worth losing him. She'd rather have him. And like always, he doesn't know what to do with that. The more human side of his conflicted heart is reborn, a little less hideous, even as he prepares to die.

And like so many ordinary men, he wants his mother now, and laments not having her wisdom. She would have understood his conflicted heart. He knows it has caused him to make more than a few mistakes, but his mother could have sized up the situation with a single look. Maybe things would be different if she'd had a chance to set him straight.

It's genius really, that he can conjure memories of his mother and use them to reassure both Liz and himself that she'll be okay without him.

And even though part of his heart didn't want her there and didn't even know if she'd planned to stay, he can't bring himself to tell her to leave before his execution. The human side silences the sin-eater. He wants the chance to make her face the very last thing he sees, to revel in her beauty until he physically can't anymore.

What I'm left wondering is, had Liz asked him about his former identity, would he have spilled the beans, or would he have taken it to his grave? I could honestly see it going either way. Some people have been bitching about it on reddit, but I'm glad she didn't ask. They just want answers, and frankly, I don't even know if I'm ready for that. What happened instead is real growth. At the end of it all, she accepted the fact that whoever he once was, on the most fundamental level, he is the man who loves her unconditionally, and that is what matters most. After the conflict that's been raging within her own heart for a long time, she could finally admit that she loves him too.

That is a huge step forward, for our ship. It sucks that another shipwreck is coming, but this particular falling out may play out differently than the others. We never saw much contrition in the wake of her botched fake death, but at the time, Liz was too consumed with getting Agnes back. I don't really know what to expect, this time. It will be interesting to see how she regards Red, moving forward. I hope that whenever she resumes her investigation into his past, she'll do so out of curiosity rather than bloodthirst and a sense of entitlement.

But I feel more confident predicting how things will look on Red's side. I imagine he'll subvert her declaration of love to an act of pity, meaningless coddling like the doctor, and he will hate that it hurts him. While he'd willingly die for her over and over again, any day, it will kill him that she'd choose to risk his life and their future for a chance to dig into the past. My question for Red is whether or not he'll actually show her any of that conflict or pain before ultimately forgiving her. My hope for him, for our ship, is that he does.

Of course, one could take the 'conflicted heart' quote on a more fundamental level, separate from Liz. When his mother was around, she understood the conflict between his willful, difficult side, and his desire to be good enough to meet his father's approval. One could then infer that the present conflict being referenced is between the good man and the monster, as we've seen that he's more than capable of carrying out the will of either side.

Anyway, I just needed to get that little shipper rant out before tonight's episode airs and kicks my ass all over again. Sorry, I tried to add a 'read more' link, so as not to clutter dashes, but it doesn't seem to have worked.

[newstfionline]

Amid Show of Military Might in China, Xi Jinping Puts Rivals on Notice

By Chris Buckley, NY Times, July 30, 2017

BEIJING--China’s president, Xi Jinping, has opened a public campaign to deepen his grip on power in a coming leadership shake-up, using a huge military parade on Sunday, speeches and propaganda, along with a purge in the past week, to warn officials to back him as the nation’s most powerful leader in two decades.

Wearing his mottled green uniform as commander in chief of the People’s Liberation Army, Mr. Xi watched as 12,000 troops marched and tanks, long-range missile launchers, jet fighters and other new weapons drove or flew past in impeccable arrays.

Mao famously said political power comes from the barrel of a gun, and Mr. Xi signaled that he, too, was counting on the military to stay ramrod loyal while he chooses a new leading lineup to be unveiled at a Communist Party congress in the autumn.

“Troops across the entire military, you must be unwavering in upholding the bedrock principle of absolute party leadership of the military,” Mr. Xi said at the parade, held on a dusty training base in Inner Mongolia region, 270 miles northwest of Beijing. “Always obey and follow the party. Go and fight wherever the party points.”

The ceremony was broadcast across the country.

Officially, the display was to celebrate the 90th anniversary of the creation of the People’s Liberation Army. But it was also the highlight of a week of political theater promoting Mr. Xi as a uniquely qualified politician whose elevated status as China’s “core” leader, endorsed by officials last year, should be entrenched at the party congress.

“These military parades could become a regular, institutionalized thing, but this one also has a special meaning this year,” said Deng Yuwen, a former editor at a party newspaper in Beijing who writes current affairs commentaries. “It’s meant to show that Xi Jinping firmly has the military in his grip, and nobody should have any illusions of challenging him.”

The congress will almost certainly give Mr. Xi, 64, a second, five-year term as the party general secretary and chairman of the commission that controls the military, and it will appoint a new team to work under him.

No exact date has been fixed for the congress. An annual legislative meeting early next year will also almost certainly give Mr. Xi five more years as state president.

Some experts have speculated that Mr. Xi may want to retain power after those terms end, although the constitution says he cannot stay on as president. There are no firm rules for maximum terms as party general secretary.

Mr. Xi has accompanied the demands for unity with a vivid warning to officials who step out of line. In the past week, he oversaw the abrupt purge of Sun Zhengcai, a one-time contender for promotion at the congress. Mr. Sun, 53, had been the party secretary of Chongqing, a city in southwest China, until his dismissal in mid-July.

The party announced last Monday that he was under investigation for violations of “discipline”--usually a euphemism for corruption--and Mr. Sun has since been pilloried in official media. Provincial leaders, including many with a shot at promotion, have called meetings to denounce Mr. Sun as a “tiger,” or corrupt senior official.

“At this point, we can’t say for sure he will be the last big tiger to be brought down before the opening of the party congress,” said Prof. Ding Xueliang, a political scientist at the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology who studies the Chinese Communist Party. “We don’t know, other leaders don’t know either.”

For now, Mr. Xi appears to be seeking to ensure that his second-term lineup includes younger loyalists who will defend him and his policies for years to come. Several are poised to join the Politburo, a council of 25 senior central, provincial and military leaders. Up to 11 members of the Politburo are likely to retire at the congress, including five members of the Politburo Standing Committee, a more powerful body with seven members.

The negotiations over the new lineup happen in secret. But the burst of propaganda and warnings appears designed to pressure officials and retired leaders to go along with Mr. Xi’s wishes over who goes up and who steps down.

Mr. Xi is by the estimate of many observers China’s most powerful leader since Deng Xiaoping, who died in 1997. While the military does not have much direct say in politics, its support is essential for Mr. Xi’s long-term authority, said Professor Ding.

“Xi Jinping has spent more time on the military than any other leader,” Professor Ding said by telephone. “He knows clearly that eventually, if he wants to keep in power, if he wants to concentrate power even more, he must make sure the army is with him.”

On Friday, Study Times, a party newspaper widely read by officials, devoted its front page to an adulatory profile of Mr. Xi that said he was blessed by his “red” upbringing with special leadership mettle. It recounted his tough maturation as the son of a veteran revolutionary who was persecuted by Mao, testing the family’s loyalty to the Communist cause, and his seven years working in the dirt-poor countryside during the Cultural Revolution.

The profile has been was widely promoted by party newspapers and websites, and its anonymous author was described as “special commentator,” a title usually used for articles with high-level endorsement.

“I never saw anything like this for Jiang Zemin or Hu Jintao,” said Mr. Deng, the former editor, who used to work for The Study Times. “They didn’t get this treatment.”

Mr. Xi, “grew up with an inheritance of red genes, was tempered by harsh setbacks and suffering, and has steeled himself in complicated international struggle,” said the profile, referring to his revolutionary background and career.

“The lion of the east has woken,” it said, referring to China. “But it faces tremendous risks of being surrounded by tigers and wolves and suffering even more intense strategic encirclement, clashes and meddling.”

The profile also said Mr. Xi personally pushed through difficult and contentious policy changes in his first five years in power, including building artificial islands fitted with military installations in the disputed South China Sea.

“In the South China Sea, he personally decided on building islands and consolidating reefs,” said the profile. Mr. Xi had, it said, “built a robust strategic base for ultimately prevailing in the struggle to defend the South China Sea, and has in effect constructed a Great Wall at sea.”

Mr. Xi’s power has already unsettled critics, including some inside the party, who worry that he has destabilized norms of collective leadership that can slow decision-making but also prevent dangerous overreach.

“This over-concentration of authority can really get you in trouble,” Susan L. Shirk, a former State Department deputy assistant secretary for China policy, said in an interview before the parade. “I especially think about foreign and security policy.”

[andersonguy-blog1]

Divine intervention

If you have seen the way in which your inner chaos operates then you are fortunate indeed. Chaos may seem over dramatic but the relationship between body (emotions) and mind (ego) can be like a whirlwind going on around in you. If you have sat and watched the turmoil within, if you have stayed with it and continued till you reached paradise then you are more than fortunate you are blessed with divine intervention, you have held the universe in your hands. Maybe this seems over the top but I would say it’s an understatement, my words are nothing compared. If this has happened to you then you will know the soul definition of independence and you will know that you are solely and wholly responsible for your peace and how beautiful it is to be in sole possession of such a godlike quality. You can be godly and truly content and at ease throughout your life but why would I say this when I still get anxious and fearful and sad? Because the key word is ‘can’. I am not saying as soon as one sees the facade pretending to be them that they’ll become permanently enlightened I am saying that at least for the moment you are enlightened you’ll be the calm amongst the storm, you’ll be the light amongst the dark and the journey of finding yourself will instantly be dropped. You will live effortlessly, you’ll feel alive and you’ll enjoy knowing that life is simply expressing itself through you, you’ll also know how to be enlightened and you will become dedicated to your inner, your inner state will be more important to you than anything or anyone outside of you. Our consciousness is our most important focus because without consciousness we are unable to love. With enlightenment comes freedom from inflicting hurt onto yourself and others too - complete freedom from hurting but not to be mistaken with permanent freedom. I mean in the moment of pure consciousness it is simply impossible to hurt anything, everything is rose tinted, every-thing is pure. Someone is shouting at you, someone is saying stuff about you, someone is wanting you to suffer and you simply look at them like they are the most innocent human being you have seen before you and you realise how special, kind, compassionate and everything else beautiful you feel. You don’t think any of these words and you don’t try and figure out why you aren’t reacting, you can’t do either you are in pure consciousness but you feel the sweet serenity these words arise, you are bathing in your own clarity your soul is alight. There is only one way discomfort and disappointment and confusion and sadness and anger and frustration can disperse and you no longer need to look for the remedy. The act of looking for the cure is stressful in itself and it will only magnify these emotions at times. You are the cure and you simply need to watch your inner chaos to realise it for yourself. I have been confused recently as to why I am always watching my mind but I’m still becoming identified fairly easy, I’ve been going from great moments of peace to sadness. And then I remembered; the significance of watching the body is paramount to stopping thought because emotions and ego are a viscous cycle. They feed each other and until both thoughts and emotions/feelings are watched then the hold will remain. Witnessing them is facing them, it is staring at the route of all fear directly in the face that is why finding oneself is the most courageous act a human could ever embark on. The greatest fear people have is the fear of knowing their self, to expose the false self creates great fear. It is much easier to turn away from fear and buy things, or to go out and try to forget about it, or to cheat on ones partner or to take drugs or alcohol. There are many more tricks and strategies but fear always catches up eventually and when it does it will usually override someone’s state of mind and subsequent actions. Some people can become so entrenched they become physically violent or they self harm or they become politicians and create nuclear weapons. There is no need to judge anyone though for their craziness, they are only listening to the sickness of the mind but they are not their mind and they can become free of its destructiveness. The mind can be healed by giving it ones full attention, not to be confused with listening but just silently watching so that you become separate from it. Bravery is not in the doing it is in the being, bravery isn’t men with guns it’s unconditional love, anyone can shoot anyone but can a man love his wife even if she chooses not to be with him. That is bravery, choosing to always be love by facing what in us isn’t. ‘Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to die before you die — and find that there is no death.’ (Eckhart 🙏🏻)

Universal synchronicity is in your favour it wants you to awaken and until you do you will experience polarity - pleasure and pain. Maybe you are reading my blogs because you can sense your truth in some of my words and you want to see more truth or maybe you want too see me say some more crazy stuff, you are enjoying the show. Both are the same really though they are both exploration of ones truth it’s just that one is looking on me favourably and the other maybe not so. I love how Osho uses the word dehypnosis, he says that most religions teach beliefs but he teaches watching. He says to go and watch and you’ll see it for yourself, there is no need for him and his talks but yet people love listening to him including me. He has a dehypnotising effect because he is one of very few who knows his self and stays in his self too, some people call him their master I simply see him as more in tune with his true nature. Type in dehypnosis in google and Osho will come up first, how crazy is that it isn’t even a real word he just made it up. Yet it’s the one word that could potentially save humanity from wiping each other out. I thought the other day how crazy wars are, planes drop bombs on innocent people that have nothing to do with war and the murderers that do it still remain in senior positions and not only do they remain but they are respected for it. How crazy that an argument of false power and insecurity about who’s land it is involves the many lives of people minding their own business. No ones land is anyone’s land anyway, there are no countries or borders or lines no piece of the universe belongs to anyone or any group the world is unnamed. Poverty is an illusion too, we are meant to believe that more money is needed through charity and alike but really it’s that too many people don’t care. It is not the money it is the people, we can create spaceships but we can’t solve poverty. This kind of statement typically arises the thought 'why don’t you do something about it then Guy’ but nothing can be done about it, the madness will always be there. Sure you can make some changes but those changes will change because the route problem hasn’t been solved - deep dissatisfaction and discontentment in nearly all humankind.

I looked over to my friend earlier and I asked him 'when was the last time you saw me upset’ and he casually said 'about 2 years ago’. My eyes lit up I couldn’t be sure he knew this too but he is right I haven’t been upset around him for some time. Yet when I first got unwell I used to cry around him cause I was so frustrated and sad about my dizziness but suddenly over a few days my negativity stopped and this is why I write. It didn’t stop permanently but i went from extreme discomfort and stress to harmony and peace in a very short space of time. I saw no way out of my health beforehand, i saw no route to happiness yet nothing on the physical level has changed really, it’s only recently has someone said he thinks he can cure it. But what changed was my consciousness and when your consciousness changes you realise it’s the only thing that ever needs to change. I have something to say that nearly all religions don’t teach. Religion didn’t save me, no spiritual teacher did but Eckhart Tolle showed me how to save myself, his book will be transformational for the ones who are ready to drop their self. The self that is responsible for all misery. I did something sweet for someone before Christmas, something I have never done for anyone. It wasn’t so much what I did it was why I did it. I said to my friend at the time I’m going to do this because I’m going to continue to truly love this person as a friend whatever, even when I can’t I will try. It was an act of devotion, not necessarily devotion to her but to myself. I have never spent so much on something that I knew could be rejected which is what makes it the most precious gift I have ever given. It was precious because I had no desire of reciprocation at the time in fact I thought it was very unlikely, it was precious because I was saying I believe in you still and that I can believe in you no matter what when I am in love. It’s normal to give and expect the same back, it’s normal to treat love like a business, to carefully consider and calculate instead of intuitively act on feeling. Many people will say 'give to the ones who are deserving’ but I say give to anyone you wish to give too there are no rules and if you give to anyone you wish you are also saying that anyone is deserving and they are. If everyone is deserving of your love then you are deserving of everyones love too. No one is deserving because they reciprocate or say thank you or they are respected or likeable they are deserving because they are alive. They are deserving because they are a human being.