#but most importantly if they're saying it like it's some kind of objective truth
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thegodcomplcx: #like is the plot more ambitious and fantasical than the previous period yeah#but CRUCIALLY i actually do not think this comes at the expense of character driven stories or character development and interiority#and people who claim its somehow emptier than rtd or that the characters become figureheads.....#did you understand amy's story??? did you understand clara????#whatever not everyone can be smart and right all the time i guess
I take that shit so personally when people say moffat's characterization was "empty" or "figureheads" or "just not relatable"
to you maybe. some of us are weird freaks. and we deserve to see ourselves in media too.
i do think that people have different relationships to each doctor depending on what series they began with (i.e. whatever doctor was “their” doctor) but it still boggles my mind that eleven era seems to be consistently the least loved; like how do you not find exceedingly desperate deeply angry struggling old man stuck in a new twenty six year old body dealing with some of the more terrifying ongoing storylines (between the cracks in time and the silence both really got to me) and grappling with his ongoing trauma and emotional issues with virtually everyone he’s able to get close to and thus puts in imminent danger deeply moving how do you NOT find eleven and series five and six compelling
#sorry for hijacking on your tags but WHOOPS HIT ON MY PET PEEVE#okay detractors so YOU don't relate to his characters and that's fine#elevenera for ME was the first time i ever felt seen in any story#the first and still some of the only characters i ever related to deeply#i mean i do have more now but ultimately very few authors have written characters fundamentally similar to me - certainly not rtd#so when people say moffat's characters weren't like real people i just know they would say the same thing about my real actual self#which is fine i guess because hey#thanks for letting me know you wouldn't see me as a person and i shouldn't bother trying to connect#especially if they're saying it about amy. especially if they're saying it like it's some inescapable fatal flaw about her#but most importantly if they're saying it like it's some kind of objective truth#relatability is NEVER an objective truth it can't be#dw#ye olde discourse
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Max [Parental figures and fighting spirits]
Max and Judy Mizuhara
Max Mizuhara is the child of two very different people.
On one hand, we have Taro Mizuhara: a cheerful and friendly man who lives a simple life, owns a little hobby shop, and has taken a passion for a kids' game which requires a certain degree of technical knowledge. He's basically a mechanic, he has a rather small but very functional training ground in the basement of his shop, and he encourages Max to do his best, but most importantly to have fun with his friends.
On the other hand, we have Judy Mizuhara: an ambitious, strong-willed woman, whose research and abilities have made her rise from the already prestigious position of university professor to the director of the most important and reputable research centre for beyblades, where she has all the resources, funds and technology she could ever need to work with at her disposal. We know the PPB is held in such high regard that her role requires her to answer directly to the goddamn Secretary of State.
And… Taro and Judy love Max. However, while all we can gather about Taro's opinion on this whole "taking beyblade seriously and winning the world championship" thing is that he supports Max because he wants to see him happy, we know exactly what Judy thinks.
She thinks Max doesn't have what it takes to be a champion.
Max's crisis is, in a way, the opposite of Rei's: while Rei at one point already had everyone believing in him, and had to prove that the his actions are atypical but ultimately right, Max has to prove that he is worth believing in because the way he is is right; and that his fighting spirit is just as tough and resilient as everyone else's in this field, if not even more so than most, but his friendly, kind and bubbly personality throws people off.
And the fact that, of all people, it's his own mother who rejects him almost crushes him. Judy loved him when he was just her fun, adorable child, but when he dared try and assert himself as a person with dreams and a fighting spirit, suddenly she turns her back on him.
Worse yet, Judy has new children in America. Kids she personally chose as the best in the whole US. Kids who lived and breathed to follow whatever she said. Kids who are very explicitly competitive, who are sports prodigies and know it, who parade around wearing their sports' uniform like a badge of honour, knowing that they're just so much better than anyone else that they're backed up by the effin government... and people love them. They are stars, they are heroes. And so, people shower the All Starz with admiration and attention, and the All Starz love the glory Judy has granted them, and Judy loves them in return and supports them.
Of course, not only has Max to deal with whatever is going on with his mother's behaviour, not only has he to endure his mom's new, arrogant kids, he also has to face their feelings of jealousy: after all, he is the coach's actual son. And he's a nobody. This is Max, the son of their beloved coach? He's weak, right? Not a trace of ambition, no competitiveness at all, only smiles and "lEt'S bE NiCe tO eAcH oThEr". Why does Judy love this guy?
Poor Max is having the worst time of his life as the finals for the A block approach, and the night before the finals Kyouju bluntly tells him that he shouldn't fight at all in the coming matches. "They have your data," he says. "They don't have Kai's data," they all say. Max knows what's up: his own team is starting to believe in the All Starz, they are starting to lose faith in him too. What is his team thinking? Would the PPB not have taken his data, had he been stronger, had he been like Kai? They, his own team, his friends, think that even giving Max a mere chance at proving them all wrong would jeopardize their chances of reaching the world's finals, and they’re not willing to take that risk.
Max is not the type to lash out at people and impose his own world view onto others, as Takao would, but he knows this is an injustice, he knows he doesn't deserve this treatment. Max storms off, leaving the rest of the team appalled: clearly, no one expected nice, friendly Max to react so strongly. They do eventually change their minds after the team finally understands just how badly he needs to.
Because, after running on the roof of the hotel to get a bit of fresh air… Max finds his mother there.
Judy thinks she's being objective, because that's what she's used to as a scientist: research is based on numbers, and numbers tell her that Max truly doesn't have a chance. But she's also a professional, and the spot she was put into requires her to not help her own son at all. She can do absolutely nothing but accept that Max is bound to lose, and Max has got to understand this as soon as possible.
Judy knows what it takes to rise to the top, because she has done it. Cold and merciless, ambitious and strong-willed, tough and resilient: she is a champion, in her own way. And she didn’t obtain the most prestigiuos position in her field by being nice; this is why, when choosing the players who would represent the US in the world tournament, she selected kids with a competitive background, who are capable of being cold and merciless when required. And now that her own son is competing against the PPB, a big machine that receives all the funding they need, a whole building full with equipment and any machine they could possibly think of to study their opponents, gather data, prepare a strategy, keep their bladers in top condition… she doesn’t want Max to even try and enter this ruthless race to the top. He is nice, and she accepts it and loves him for it, but... he’s too nice to survive in this world.
I think Judy is the one who chose this role for herself. She knows Taro. She knows she has to be the realistic and disillusioned parent to balance him out, because Taro is just so carefree and happy, with no trace of ambition or fighting spirit, and Max is just like Taro.
Except…
This is why the necklace is important.
Max's fighting spirit doesn't just derive from the fact that he wants to prove his own progresses to Judy. He quite literally inherited his mother's fighting spirit. Max is just as ambitious and strong-willed, Max is just as tough and resilient. Who decided that someone cocky like Michael, or cold and merciless like Judy, is clearly inherently stronger than someone like Max? Max is having none of this shit, and he's having none of this shit as nicely as he can, because he will not bend: Max is not worth believing in even though he's nice and friendly; Max is worth believing in because he's nice and friendly, and it's perfectly fine, thank you.
And Max proves that Judy was wrong about him, he proves that everyone was wrong about him, and the moment he does, the moment he finally wins against Michael and secures the path to the finals…
He's just happy.
At this point, Max would have every reason to brag. He'd be justified to take the spotlight, flip the bird to the All Starz - the kids who really thought the BBA guys were just a bunch of noobs - and laugh right at their dumbstruck faces.
But the thought of doing so doesn't even cross his mind. He smiles and he's happy, and his team is happy for him, and they all celebrate the fact that Max has won.
On the other side of the stadium, Judy is forced to face a hard truth that she, deep down, had always known: there's no number understandable by a computer that can describe how fucking stubborn and creative the both of them can become to reach the goals they have set for themselves.
As she smiles at her own blindness, she walks to Max to congratulate him, and as Judy recognizes and owns her mistake, Max simply smiles and lets it all go, water under the bridge. Because that's who Max is.
The fact that, at some point, someone in the production crew decided to include Kyouju openly glaring at Judy in this fundamental shot is very telling in my opinion LOL
#beyblade#bakuten shoot beyblade#max mizuhara#BBA team#All Starz#parental figures and fighting spirits#authority and fighting spirits#I promised myself I would stop clowning around for these posts#I went for a nice screenshot for the last part#And saw Kyouju's face LMAO#sorry
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Curiosities of Lotus Asia - Chapter 3
Chapter 3: Illusionary Bird
Marisa visited Kourindou carrying one of the beautiful crested ibises that had been increasing in number in Gensokyo lately. After catching it near Hakurei Shrine, Marisa was planning to cook it and eat it with Reimu. In the now lively Kourindou, the owner Rinnosuke was immersed in thought about the reason for the increase in the ibises...
Chapter 2 of an original story based on the Touhou series!
Illusionary Bird
“Hey, Kourin! What's up? Today's our routine hot pot day!”
She shouted as she threw open the door. As far as I'm concerned, today's Animal Protection Day.
“Oh, it's you, Marisa? What's the meaning of coming here and claiming this to be a 'hot pot day'?”
Marisa showed me what she had in her right hand, and there it was, a limp, red-and-white lump...
Some way from the Human Village in Gensokyo is the Forest of Magic, and close by this forest is my shop, Kourindou. In other words, it's halfway between where the humans live and where the youkai are. I thought that I could do business with both humans and youkai in this location, but the truth is that I almost never have clients of either kind. Well, it gets lively at times, but...
“Isn't that a crested ibis? What happened?”
“Yeah, I caught it by the shrine. Reimu's preparin' stuff for the hot pot, so she'll be late.”
“And why did you decide to meet at my place? You never even asked.”
“What are you talkin' about? This'll make a great meal! Sure, he looks a bit worse for the wear, but...”
The crested ibis. More and more of these birds have been appearing in Gensokyo every year. Wherever they become roused, the sky would become dyed in their colors. Yet their meat tastes good, despite their shabby appearances. The hot pot too, would end up dyed in that ibis color, almost a scarlet red. Not a nice way to put it, but it'd look like a human hot pot made by a vampire.
“Well, I guess it's fine, but why hot pot, all of a sudden?”
“Isn't it obvious? Cold days are all about hot pots.”
Marisa continued to chatter while barging into the kitchen. "Well, I just found 'im by chance, but he was pretty lively until a while ago."
Gensokyo is, quite literally, a place where illusionary creatures dwell. At some point, the people in the outside world wrote off “illusionary creatures” as nothing more than “fantasy creatures”. But, of course, illusionary creatures and fantasy creatures are very different. A fantasy creature is just another name for a delusion, misinterpretation or misunderstanding. On the other hand, an illusionary creature is one that can only be found in Gensokyo. It goes without saying, then, that both Marisa and I are also illusionary creatures.
However, the reason behind the sudden proliferation of crested ibises is something I don't understand. Could it be that they have become “illusionary birds”? That would be unthinkable in the outside world I knew, but then again, too much time has elapsed since then. As much as I try to imagine the outside world from limited literature and old memories, it would amount to nothing more than imaginations. An imagination plagued by imaginations is no more than a fantasy. For imaginations, I rank them in the order of Fantasy, Delusion, Prediction, the Virtual, and Illusion.
“Sorry for the wait! Marisa is here, too, right?”
“...I wasn't waiting. How could I when you girls showed up so suddenly?”
“Well, of course we came suddenly. But you should be waiting at all times. Isn't this a shop and everything?”
Reimu came just as Marisa said. She was carrying several bags with her. Ingredients for the hot pot, I guess.
“Hey, Reimu! Took ya long enough! Let's get this hot pot cookin'.”
Marisa had her arm outstretched, with a feeling of “C'mon, hand it over!” to it.
“I brought everything, yes.”
“Huh? This is red miso. Who told you to bring red miso?”
“I didn't need to be told. Red miso is the obvious choice for ibis broth!”
“Hey, hey! The hot pot is already red enough, so we should make it with white miso. Putting red miso in red broth? Are ya some kind of Communist?"
“It's not like you aren't going to eat because of the color. Since ibis meat is red to begin with, it shouldn't bother you, right? And why white miso? This isn't the Genpei War.”
The two of them went on about food coloring, but I wasn't listening. Regardless, Marisa was holding the ibis, and every time she gave it a squeeze, the ibis would squawk. It was kind of weird, like the ibis was supporting her. I'm sure Marisa was doing that on purpose.
"Don't red pickles go with tonkotsu? Wouldja put it in miso ramen?"
"And doesn't fukujinzuke go with curry? But knowing you, you'd probably throw it in cream stew.”
“Having somethin' red in the middle of somethin' white is the sign of a Japanese soul!”
“I'm already red and white enough. And what part of you has a Japanese soul, Marisa? Do you even know what 'Wabi-sabi' is?”
“I don't think ya know yerself, Reimu.”
“Of course I don't.”
“Anyway, we're not makin' a hot pot like that.”
“Wasn't it you who came up with the hot pot idea? We can't eat this ibis raw.”
“So is that how it is? Alright then, let's just divide it now.”
“Decide it?”
“Yeah, that'll work, too. Wanna go?”
In the end, it seems like they decided to settle the matter in a shooting duel, without so much as asking for my advice (even though they came to my shop uninvited). The rules were: 1-on-1 with Spellcard Rules. If Reimu won, the hot pot would be done her way; if Marisa won, she'd apparently make her go buy white miso. Never mind that I had white miso in my place, they seemed to be enjoying themselves, so I just let them be. Speaking of which, I actually know the tastiest way to cook a crested ibis...
“Marisa, what do I always tell you?”
“If you're gonna fight, then go outside, right?”
“More importantly, could you divide the bird up for Marisa, Mr. Rinnosuke?”
Their objectives seem to have changed already. Whatever the result is, I guess they'll happily eat it however I cook it. I could go as far as to think they arranged this scenario from the beginning, since it always follows the same pattern. Those two are frequently dueling to decide the most insignificant things. On top of that, they've been using attacks with lots of projectiles. It's extremely bright, and hard on the eyes.
Their duels are always a study in contrast. Against the gung-ho Marisa, Reimu – either on purpose or naturally – fights in a more laid-back style. The duels mostly go Reimu's way, but Marisa doesn't always lose. It's just that Marisa attacks with all her skill and might against Reimu, who looks just like she was made of air; it's like trying to pound a nail into dust. In any way, when looking at Reimu, she gives off a feeling that she is not quite from our own world. Anything more than that is something one cannot quite grasp.
“Hey, that's dangerous! What if it had hit me, Marisa!? Geez...”
“Aw, c'mon! Why didn't it hit?”
“Your bullets swerve to avoid me on their own. How nice of them!”
“They're flyin' straight...”
Since I could hear their voices, I went to see how things were going. Reimu looked like she would practically teleport at times. And her bullets would fly guided in impossible directions. It was kind of unfair.
Well then, this nice, round ibis looks really tasty; I've never seen one like it before. Speaking of which, Marisa said something that bothered me...
“Sorry for the wait, we've just made a decision.”
“Yes, you always make me wait like this. I already made the hot pot. With red miso, as expected.”
“Grrr... You already prepared the hot pot? What would ya do if I had won, Kourin?”
“I would have had you eat an ibis cooked in the tastiest way.”
The Hakurei Shrine is located in the edge of Gensokyo. And by edge, that doesn't mean only in the physical sense. There is the border between the outside world and Gensokyo. Because of that, the Hakurei Shrine is not an entirely “illusionary place”. And Marisa said she caught the ibis by the Shrine. It may be that this ibis is indeed from the outside world. So it would seem that crested ibises are not Illusionary Birds yet. I feel somewhat relieved.
#i wonder if animals that go extinct here appear in gensokyo...#also how does marisa know what communism is#touhou cola#curiosities of lotus asia#touhou#touhou project#project shrine maiden
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SOME WANT TO BELIEVE THEY'RE LIVING IN A COMFORTABLE, SAFE WORLD AS MUCH AS OTHER KIDS ABOUT POPULARITY, BEING POPULAR WOULD BE MORE WORK FOR THEM
I'm heading for a conclusion to which many readers will have to be set up properly or you're just launching projectiles. An improved algorithm is described in Better Bayesian Filtering. But by Galileo's time the church was in the middle of a project, distractions weren't really a problem. To find them, keep track of opinions that get people in trouble, and start asking, could this be true? But this process builds up waste products that ultimately require extra oxygen to break down your individuality the way basic training does. In my earlier spam-filtering software, the most common form of discussion was the disputation. Now kids who go to college don't start working full-time till 21 or 22.1 What I wanted was security. Founders are irreplaceable. Well, there precisely is Montaigne's great discovery. At a startup I once worked for, one of the most egregious spam indicators.2
To someone in school now, that may seem an odd question to ask. He really doesn't know. 7% of American kids attend them? It's a lot of lies of this type by teachers, because I didn't want as the top idea in their mind at any given time. But a site aiming at a particular subset of users has to attract just those—and just as importantly, repel everyone else. There you're not concerned with truth. There's no way around it: you can't manage a process intended to produce beautiful things without knowing what beautiful is. This sounds like a phrase out of 1984. Distraction seeks you out. Combine this with the confidence parents try to instill in their kids, and some may be innate: a reflective disposition, for example. What VCs should be trying to fund more of. It stands to reason it would evolve.
A wise person is someone who isn't socially adept enough. If they seem to be to answer a question I don't know. All good investors supply a combination of the spam probabilities of individual words. I do. This essay grew out of something I wrote for myself to figure out how we use the word intelligent as an indication of ability: a smart person knows what to do in an essay. The most obvious difference between real essays and the things you have to write in school is a complex mix of lies. Every kid grows up in a fake world. Though lie has negative connotations, I don't mean to suggest they do this consciously. But Occam's razor suggests the truth is less flattering.3 What makes a project interesting? To say nothing of idiotic.
To hackers these kinds of projects are the death of a thousand cuts. Though indeed, it's been a while since they were writing about symbolism; now they're writing about gender.4 So obviously that is what we should be doing, and a combined probability of.5 This is the sort of thing it becomes national news. So avoid disputes if you want to set yourself apart from other people, you have to choose between the two. Sometimes these lies are truly sinister, like a digital image rendered with more pixels. Economic inequality will be as bad as ever.6 If you try to attack this type of wealth through economic policy, it's hard to get money. And yet intelligence and wisdom do seem related.7 Getting money is almost by definition an attention sink.8 I feel like we're at a tipping point here.
We want kids to be thrown together with normal kids at this stage of their lives. A friend of mine found himself in a situation that perfectly illustrates the complex motives we have when we lie to kids is to maintain power over them.9 If it is possible to make yourself into a great hacker how good he is, he's almost certain to reply, I don't think we need the viso sciolto so much as the people you meet. An essayist can't have quite as little foresight as a river. One thing is certain: the question is a complex mix of lies. In fact what you do or what I do for my privat satisfaction or leave to come out after me. All VCs look impressive to limited partners. The people who are interested in art learn about it for themselves, and those who aren't don't. The distinction is similar to the rule that one should judge talent at its best and character at its worst. The kids who got praised for these qualities tended to be at best dull-witted prize bulls, and at worst facile schmoozers.10 I end up with two large hash tables, one for each corpus, mapping tokens to number of occurrences. Marie Curie, and George Washington Carver with Einstein misled us not only about science, but about the obstacles blacks faced in his time.
This happens in intellectual as well as moral questions.11 I scan the entire text, including headers and embedded html and javascript, of each message in each corpus. When you ask that question, you find that open source operating systems already have a dominant market share, and the heart attack had taken most of a day to kill him. 06451222 difficult 0. Whenever we lie to people it's not part of any conscious strategy, but because it gives them more control. The key seems to be particularly good at this, in part simply by having high standards.12 What topic do your thoughts keep returning to?
The pipes are narrow and twisty, and there was a Mac SE. And just as Jews are ex officio allowed to tell Jewish jokes, I don't feel like I have to bother being diplomatic with a British audience.13 Indeed, it will mean the end of the scale, nerds are a safe target for the entire school.14 Probably the biggest lie told in schools, though, is that you have solicited ongoing email from them. It's since grown to around 22,000. It's no wonder if this seems to the student a pointless exercise, because we're now three steps removed from real work: the students are imitating English professors, who are imitating classical scholars, who are so often unwise that in popular culture this now seems to be the top one, rather than their combined length, as the divisor in calculating spam probabilities.15 And of all the startups we fund can use for future rounds.16 This conference was in London, and most of the audience seemed to be asleep, but when you're making a decision impetuously, you're all the more subtle ways we mislead kids.17
Notes
Keep heat low. What I dislike is editing done after the Physics in the last thing you changed. Oddly enough, but they hate hypertension. You could probably write a book about how to be good.
The closest we got to the extent to which the top schools are the first question is only half a religious one; there is something there worth studying as a model.
Looking at the mafia end of the words out of business, A. If you try to raise a series A round.
Faced with the buyer's picture on the aspect they see you at all. In No Logo, Naomi Klein says that a company. As Clinton himself discovered to his house, the only cause of the most valuable aspects of startups that are still a dick move.
35,560. In fact, we met Aydin Senkut. And the reason the dictionaries are wrong is that coming into office hours, they've already decided what they're really works of art.
It's sometimes argued that kids who went to get you type I startups. Not one got an interview with Steve Wozniak in Jessica Livingston's Founders at Work. See particularly the mail on LL1 led me to try, we'd have understood why: If they were, they'd be proportionately more effective, leaving the area around city hall a bleak wasteland, but simply because he had to find a kid and as an investor who for some reason insists that you should seek outside advice, before realizing that that's what we need to import is broader, ranging from 50 to 6,000, the more subtle ways in which internal limits are expressed. Why go to grad school, approach the queen bees thereof and offer to invest the next year or two, and credit card debt stupidest of all.
The CRM114 Discriminator. People who value their peace, or a community, or whether contractors count too.
Perhaps it would have seemed an outlying data point that could be ignored. Not linearly of course. Decimus Eros Merula, paid 50,000. So what ends up happening is that the highest returns, and an haughty spirit before a fall.
But which of them. I managed to get good enough to convince at one remove from the tube of their predecessors and said in effect why can't you be more likely to have more skeletons than squeaky clean dullards, but I'm not saying that the big winners aren't all that matters to us. Unfortunately the payload can consist of dealing with recent art that is worth doing, because they think the top; it's not as facile a trick as it was too late to launch a new generation of software from being contaminated by how you spent your summers.
If you ask parents why kids shouldn't swear, the government. This is an interesting trap founders fall into a fancy restaurant in San Francisco wearing a jeans and a back-office manager written mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media.
One of the company is presumably worth more, are available only to the same weight as any successful startup improves the world wars to say, ending up on the valuation turns out it is because their company for more. You can relent a little worm of its completion in 1969 the largest household refrigerators, weighs 656 pounds.
How many times that conversation was repeated. Usually people skirt that issue with some equivocation implying that lies believed for a 24 year old, a VC is interested in us!
Don't believe a domain where you wanted it? The second assumption I made because the arrival of your identity. Management consulting.
This technique wouldn't work if the students did well they do, and I have so far has trained them to switch. In practice most successful ones tend not to pay out their earnings in dividends, and yet managed to get them to stay in a in the absence of objective tests. An investor who's seriously interested will already be working on is a lot lobbying for harsh sentencing laws, they wouldn't have.
I even mention the possibility. The philosophers whose works they cover would be a startup enough to absorb that.
We didn't try to ensure that they either have a connection to one of them. It's conceivable that intellectual centers like Cambridge in that water a while to avoid that.
This wipes out the words we use have a connection with Aristotle, but it is generally the common stock holders who take the term copyright colony was first used by Myles Peterson.
Thanks to Ben Horowitz, Brian Burton, Richard Jowsey, Jackie McDonough, Trevor Blackwell, Aaron Swartz, and Daniel Gackle for sharing their expertise on this topic.
#automatically generated text#Markov chains#Paul Graham#Python#Patrick Mooney#picture#business#ones#question#news#colony#London#worm#corpus#Jowsey#house#science#grown#share#restaurant#project#situation#indication#wealth#Francisco#Ben#subset#target#while#people
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When I Make Something For You, I Am Offering You My Humanity
Earlier this year, I agreed to complete a woodworking project for my wife. Actually, I offered and volunteered myself to do it. She has a particular storage need in her office, and because of the weird layout, access issues, scale, etc, it's not something that exists anywhere. It has to be custom built, and installed in the space.
The truth is, I've been avoiding it. It's a big project, and it was easy to move to the bottom of the project list when it was the height of summer. We had houseguests coming in and out of our home, and the days were long and full of activity.
But now, that season is over, and it's time to start building. I realized this week why I've been putting it off: I'm afraid. It's beyond my skill level, and requires a lot of moving parts that need to line up...just so. In any other situation, this wouldn't be something I'd agree to do, because it's too big of a leap; I need to learn to do too many new skills inside the same project.
But, all those things get thrown out the window when it's your partner who is asking. We share our finances, and I certainly don't want to pay someone else to do it. But, more importantly, she asked me to do it because she believes in me. She doesn't know why it's so hard to pull off, and it doesn't matter. She thinks I'm great, and talented, and knows there's a bunch of tools in that workshop she agreed should live in our home, and it's exactly the kind of thing I should be able to pull off.
I am afraid because I know I'm going to make mistakes. Mistakes that use up materials, mistakes that use up a lot of time to fix, and mistakes that, worse of all, will question my confidence. I wouldn't care if I were making this for me, or for someone I've never met, but for some reason, when it's the love of your life, the threat of error has left me paralyzed.
But she, of course, is right, and I am wrong. Because my mistakes are not her problem, they're mine. She is not asking for perfection. She is asking for me to help her with a project. She won't see the errors, I will. She won't care if I have to go back to the lumberyard to buy more materials. She will be on my side in whatever needs to happen, not because it's a project that she wants completed, but because we're partners, and partners support each other in situations exactly like this one.
This morning, while cleaning the kitchen, I was listening to an old episode of Shop Talk Live, the podcast from Fine Woodworking magazine. It featured an interview with Laura Mays, an instructor and program director at The College of the Redwoods.
She was exploring the idea of value in a handmade object vs. a machine-made one, and wonders if it's actually the imperfections of handwork that makes a piece really valuable. She says,
It's an interesting contradiction that as a craftsperson, one keeps trying to make things perfect; say, easing an edge, easing a corner over, trying to make it really even, really consistent. And yet it's not going to be really consistent, because your body moves in a certain way that consistency isn't the same as what a machine would achieve.
One's trying to be perfect...and yet in a way it's the imperfection that's valuable. So it's this kind bizarre contradiction [where you try] to make it perfect, and it's the imperfection that matters. I think that kind of tension is interesting.
I am offering you my humanity, my imperfection.
It's interesting how people coming to the [College of the Redwoods] program do it for self value rather than the value of the objects they're going to make. There does seem to be an element of transformation...in woodworking in general. It's as much for the maker than the person who interacts with the object in the future.
That touched me. Hard.
In this project for my wife, the transformation will have to be my willingness to give her something that isn't perfect. It will embracing the idea that it's better for me to spend my time actually making those mistakes, rather than sitting around anticipating potential failures. It will be understanding that you don't get to be an expert at something you've never tried before. That's easy to stay in my head, but my heart struggles.
I did start the build this weekend. The photo at top shows some of the tools and shavings on my bench. The truly hard, technical work is still ahead, but I've moved past step one, which, as cliché as it sounds, was actually the most difficult part.
This is what I'll keep telling myself in the process: when you make something for somebody, you offer them your imperfect humanity. You share yourself with them. Like the crafted piece itself, you are giving a perfectly functional, but ultimately flawed object. And they won't focus on the flaws, just the good stuff. And it will be enough.
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