#but more so I dislike it when no worth/care is given to a character's POV just bc of (insert disorder)

[elliotly]

Wait, you’ve never been to a psychiatrist and had your brain issues made cannon? I thought it was all intentional ngl. There are so many “Have you ever been tested for (insert disorder)” coded characters in your work.

nope, but that may change in the future! growing up, my family alas was of the belief that quote-on-quote "mental illness" is "all in your head" (which, like, yeah that's kind of the point.) Idk, to their credit, they also taught me that thoughts don't matter as much as actions do. Everyone responds differently to different things, and that difference doesn't have a Moral Value or make you a Bad Person. a lot of Instincts that People Oughtta Have don't matter as much as the positive actions those instincts are supposed to lead to, and realizing this helped me a lot growing up.

as for a lot of my characters' POVs, I often write based on how I see the world/experience things, albeit sometimes with certain facets amplified. but that's kind of why I don't claim a lot of my characters have a canonical neurodivergence and/or (insert disorder) even if it ends up being pretty obvious they might, because if it was unintentional, I don't wanna claim unintended 'representation' JK Rowling-style lol. (that being said, I do also write characters with canonical neurodivergence in mind! this stuff only applies to like, the ones where i haven't clarified/confirmed anything specific.)

[seriousbrat]

I know abt the shit that Snape stans say abt Lily, but what do Marauders stans say?

You mean negative stuff? Well a lot of it isn't really directly negative, it's more just that people need her out of the way so they can ship James with Sirius's rando little brother. Even though this is ridiculous because nothing is stopping anyone, but I think newer Marauders fans can often overcompensate because many view shipping/stanning as a moral act, so the fact that they obviously don't care about Lily makes them feel guilty lmao. In fact I think there's arguably a tendency among mainstream marauders fandom to be overly positive about Lily just in a way that lacks the consideration and complexity people give to their favourite male characters. Like yes she's a girlboss but what else? Well-written characters are supposed to have flaws and foibles balanced with strengths, that goes for women too.

So while making her out to be a traitorous she-devil is obviously something I dislike, I think it can go too far the other way too, where she's just a 'sweet lesbian girlie' happily dwelling in the background with no real problems or depth or protagonism of her own.

Lily's often made a background character in The Story of Regulus, at the service of the narrative needs of the male protagonists, and typically paired with a random female background character in a way that can feel like an afterthought and really just a convenient shunting aside of Lily's character masked by faux-progressiveness. Making a character queer isn't a replacement for giving them depth and nuance. It's especially grating when the same people accuse anyone who points this out of 'reducing Lily to being a mother' even though it's that section of fandom who often uses Lily as a surrogate/baby-making machine for the male characters, which is quite literally, in the most literal, biological sense possible, reducing her to being a mother lmao.

For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with having Lily be a background character, or not using her at all, on an individual basis. (although I admit I find using her as a surrogate fairly appalling as a concept. but that's just me.) I myself have used her as a background character and paired her with Mary in Lippy Kids. Also, it's fandom and people are going to do whatever they want, it's not up to me to stop them and I wouldn't want to lol. I'm not going after individual people for doing this in their own writing.

As I've said before though, I believe it's worth pointing out in a general sense because it's such an overwhelming tendency. I think simply being aware of the fact that you and people around you centre men in life and art is a positive thing-- even if you don't actively do anything to change it, because sometimes talking and thinking about the issue can lead to it changing on its own. We all do this to some extent-- I recently went through my own fics and realised I have more male-pov fics than female. I'm not going to write anything purposefully to correct this because that wouldn't feel natural and it's not a huge issue on its own, but I'm just aware of it moving forward.

Looking through any marauders' era tag (even the jily tag rip) or ao3 categories/statistics, etc, gives you a pretty clear idea of who is prioritised by fandom and who is not. And the argument that Lily is too minor of a character to care about falls a bit flat when characters like Regulus, Barty, and Rosier are so much more popular in mainstream marauders fandom than she is.

Curiously I have seen Marauders fans use the same exaggerated criticisms of Lily that Snape fans do (viz. 'she was a terrible friend!!11' which is so ridiculous given none of these beloved male characters are winning friend of the year awards.*) AND I have seen plenty of Snape fans who are normal about Lily, either because they like her themselves or are just able to be objective about characters lol. So either way it's not a universal thing.

* arguably except regulus but his friend of the year award is because of what he did for kreacher, not james or sirius or barty or anyone else. and regulus stans never care about that. stop lily erasure but also on a minor, less relevant note, stop kreacher erasure

[zahri-melitor]

No Man’s Land

I made it back through! As I said before, my last read through was over 15 years ago, so it was a lot of fun seeing what I remembered and what I didn’t. This really is one of the best Batbook events. The departmental level planning and plotting really stands out; there’s only a couple of times events are repeated between titles (most of the duplicates are actually in Azrael, now I think about it; particularly the Azrael-Catwoman storyline. Clearly they understood they couldn’t trust people to read Azrael) and the story flows with very few contradictions/out of order events/obviously skipped bits . The biggest overall ‘wait what?’ timeline issue is ‘how long was Tim actually IN No Man’s Land and how many times did he sneak back in after being rescued’, because the suggestion he was inside for 2-4 weeks before being airlifted out is hilarious given he then proceeded to spend over a month staking out Pettit and got back in for the Christmas Eve summons quite easily.

Highlights from my read: Bruce Wayne (as opposed to Batman) has some really good stories through Cataclysm-Aftershock-Road to NML. I adore when comics take the time to break out what Bruce can do as a Wayne compared to what he can do as Batman, and both are on show here.

Legends of the Dark Knight #125: the conversation here between Jim and Batman is something that’s been building for over 6 years, since Knightfall. And yeah, the payoff is worth it. They both used their words!

Being a big event, we got multiple 'day in a life' comics for outsider PoVs or minor characters, which are one of my favourite things. I'm a huge sucker for an outsider point of view. Lots of ordinary Gothamites just explaining why they stayed and what community means to them (and also that Gotham talks to you when you have bat rabies). I particularly adore the little red headed agent of Oracle's in SoTB #92 who is so EXASPERATED by Clark Kent ruining her stakeout. She's got a job to do! Stop ruining her report!

Among this is also some of THE defining Leslie characterisation in Chronicles #18, of why she's a doctor and her philosophy on care. Now, the way the story used Zsasz to frame it was irritating (please Leslie, O neg is in such short supply I PROMISE you there are half a dozen people in your hospital camp here right now who need it more than Zsasz), but what can you do. "I will provide treatment to everyone" doesn't have to mean "I'm using an invaluable resource on the least deserving/needy person in this hospital" but it does mean "everyone deserves my care and best effort".

Barbara is at her best, here. Not only does this run highlight her skills as an information broker, troubleshooter and dispatcher, but everyone finally starts turning up regularly to the Clocktower to hang out/have meetings! Early 2000s status quo behaviour has been ACHIEVED. The story would not have worked without her.

Just a BUNCH of Gotham Rogues have really good stories here. What Penguin contributes to the city's dynamics is just so very on display as he runs the entire city's black market. Two-Face's trial of Jim Gordon is some iconic storytelling. Ivy is mostly around via her physical absence - she only appears on page for Fruit of the Earth and in the Harley Quinn intro to set up the Harley & Ivy status quo - but she pins a lot of the territory warfare in place via holding Robinson Park, starts her road to redemption, FINALLY gets rid of those terrible 90s tights (ugh I dislike that costume) and honestly probably helped a lot of people survive NML. And uh Black Mask himself doesn't have the greatest storytelling but his HENCHES do. 

Harley finally gets her promotion to the main universe (and her intro doesn't suck). Joker is fine I guess...ok yes I do actually like Endgame and it's solid Joker storytelling, even as shooting Sarah Essen is the most cheap and lazy angst ever (And then! Jim and Bruce are there in front of Joker who is asking to be arrested after he hurts their family! Again! This story has never been told before oh wait it's the 10 year anniversary edition).

Every Bat vigilante (minus Steph) gets a lot of solid character work and stuff to do. Steph's stuck off in her pregnancy arc having Dixon Lectures On Ethics, but does get that Helena team up during Cataclysm at least. We get Cass and David Cain! JPV remains the saddest wet cat in Gotham and the universe causes terrible things to happen to him (seriously how did you end up getting blown up and in worse shape than HELENA for the finale)! Dick confirms he's back in the family full time and will come if Bruce asks! Tim and Dick have adorable sibling adventures together! There’s an entire Dick/Babs hurt/comfort storyline! Tim Having Parents is actually plot relevant and helps end No Man's Land (also his team up with Wally in Keystone is the funniest thing ever. Wally's like 'HOW DID YOU GET MY PHONE NUMBER...oh yeah you asked Dick')! Helena gets masses of page time even as the plot (and Bruce) does her dirty! Even the LANGSTROMS get page time and character changes (that scene where Man-Bat takes Barbara flying is just beautiful).

[lemonhemlock]

"Because it seems that the showrunners don't care about nuanced adaption but more motivated by their personal feelings about certain characters. It's clearly they dislike Aegon/Daemon/Larys/Viserys don't care about Helaena/Daeron/Rhaenys/Laena/Rhaena/Baela this why these characters have been either made much worse than their book counterparts or are non existing/ underdeveloped as hell. While they clearly like Aemond, Alicent and Rhaenyra that's why they have been made much better than their book counterparts. And if i remember correctly Daeron was supposed to be cut out from the show and this is the reason why no body mentioned him at all not even his mother and his dutiful and honourable personality was given to Aemond, who was objectively the most similar character to Ramsay/Joffery. Now i am not saying that they shouldn't sympathize with Alicent. What i mean by all of this is given Aegon/Larys/Daemon (and the rest of the characters I've mentioned) nuanced interpretations can coexist with their interpretation of Aemond and Alicent." Okay expecting all characters to be the same as in book is plain naive. Even I after reading Asoiaf didn't expect the show to be better than books and I was right because GoT did many characters different than in books (Cersei, Jaime, Tyrion, Euron, Stannis, Tyrells and Martells in general were done terribly compared to books, Littlefinger in books is totally different and much more smart than in show, Varys in the books is also not the same as from the books, Tywin is more terrible in books than in the show) and when it comes to GoT they have actual povs from books, what could go wrong in adapting these books to show? While hotd is a show based on a book that are told by different people and none of them witnessed what exactly happen and yet some people are whining why it's different? They developed Alicent and Rhaenyra because they are there for 10 episodes. Aemond/Aegon/Rhaena/Baela will have more screen time in season 2. That's why Tom himself said that just because Aegon is shown in certain way in 2 episodes in season 1 doesn't mean he is totally not worth rooting for. We don't know what he will do in 2 season, so we still have plenty of time to root for him, especially after b&c happen. He will be there almost until the end of show so I doubt he will spend all of time rap*** maids and we will see him in different light because he will go through much pain after being burned by Meleys and death of his sons and brothers. At the end, all he will have would be Alicent. We just have to wait and not be mad at the show for ruining certain characters when it's just the beginning of the show and they will all change after war begins. As for Daeron, George himself said he regrets he wasn't in the show, but there was no time for him in 1 season and he will appear in 2 season which is understandable because there were only 10 episodes and it's impossible to develop every character in 10 episodes. We know Rhaenyra, Alicent, Daemon, Otto, Criston and Aemond motivations. In 2 season other characters will have their time to shine, including Aegon. Part 4

While hotd is a show based on a book that are told by different people and none of them witnessed what exactly happen and yet some people are whining why it's different?

they're not whining it's different, necessarily, they're whining it's disproportionately biased towards rhaenyra. the changes performed weren't neutral. the tenets of medieval common law during feudalism were not properly laid out (although otto attempts to do so in "second of his name"). stannis, asoiaf's resident legalist, specifically calls rhaenyra a traitor and a usurper, yet hotd frames aegon as the usurper. people parrot back the "king's word is law" argument and think they're harvey specter from suits. king stephen and the nobles who supported him send their regards, i guess.

That's why Tom himself said that just because Aegon is shown in certain way in 2 episodes in season 1 doesn't mean he is totally not worth rooting for

to be fair, what is tom supposed to say? he's stuck between a rock and a hard place here. "no, don't root for me, aegon is trash, only send me hatemail"

[followerofmercy]

Actually I'm not done. I'm gonna say that I really like the direction the story took regarding Childe and Imma be a lil salty about fandom:

One, the same thing I say every time the Mare Jivaari doesn't show up and the upside down statue of the seven was considered a huge abandoned plothole and any number of things that weren't wrapped up nicely when we expected them to be:

This story is huge and it isn't done. We got Guizhong lore two real life years after she was last relevant. We got a Kaeya hangout at the end of Sumeru. This cast is huge, and some characters get put aside for a while before they get the spotlight again. Some admittedly do get overlooked (Kujou Sara I'm so sorry you deserve better and so did Signora) but, idk, I think the characters are actually really well done. I literally would not continue playing this game otherwise. The suspense of a story that isn't finished is two thirds of the appeal of this kind of game to me, and the other third is that, for the most part, characters are compelling and have novel's worth of story.

I am Childe's no 1 fan and I like to think I'm pretty good at media analysis. I think it was well written for his character specifically given a few things:

It's further evidence that he will hurt himself for his obsessions. He had a group of three homies who legitimately cared about him, and this whale was more important to him than they were. Much like how he didn't say bye to Teucer, he didn't say bye to them. He had Actual Friends, and he abandoned them in favor of his goals - goals that he then spent a month in Foul Legacy form nearly getting himself killed for.

This story is also another example of him getting completely fucked over as a tool/afterthought for other people. Skirk is awful. Childe keeps admiring and loving people that don't care about him. Yes, that did happen. Yes, it's terrible. It's supposed to be. It's the running theme every time he's onscreen and I think his story will eventually culminate in him being his own master. (Also Foçalors and Arlecchino used him this time around too, but he's indifferent to one and actively dislikes the other lmao)

Now, this is huge: he achieved his goal. He got to fight that fucking whale that's been haunting him every since he fell in that goddamn hole. I think we're glossing over how huge that is for him. I think this was the single biggest moment for him as a person. Like, yeah, from an outsider pov this patch kinda sucked for him but I think he just had the literal best moment of his life. He is now free to pursue other things, and I think he's about to have a serious moment where he has to decide whether he wants to keep being Skirk/Pierro/Arlecchino/Tsaritsa/Pulcinella's pawn, or if he wants to be his own man.

In that same vein, people's perception of him has changed. He is no longer "the annoying Harbinger causing problems." He's the HERO OF FONTAINE, and not just that, but the mostly normal human man that fought an interstellar monster for a month, and LIVED. No, he didn't kill it himself, but he's said before that winning a fight isn't the important part. It's the fight itself. He got his hero moment and I think his redemption arc is about to kick off.

That said, I really really really would've rather had an opportunity to say bye to him, check on him, literally anything lol. I think it's fair to be a annoyed that Traveler didn't say anything more than calling him a war buddy, but tbf the country flooded, the onscreen suicide count increased again, etc etc. A lot was going on and honestly, I think antagonizing Skirk would possibly end in Childe getting hurt more than just trusting her to do... something, with him.

I would've rather given his Vision back ourselves but I do think it makes sense to give it to Arlecchino, because Arlecchino is trustworthy now. Family is the only thing that's important to her, and I think she would keep her word for our and the Hearthling's sakes if not for Childe's. I'm holding out that he might be back around sooner rather than later, kinda like how Scaramouche got put in the cellar for a patch or two while he healed before he got to be the other onscreen suicide lmao.

Also. We still don't have an explanation for why his Vision was fucking up. That's not bad writing, IT'S AN INCOMPLETE STORY. I'm hoping it gets answered within two years but I'm confident that it will be answered.

Overall, I think it's totally fair to say "I did not like this," or even "This is not the most effective angle to take," but calling it bad writing and/or cheap is... incorrect lmao

Just finished archon quest. Childe and Skirk commentary:

Good God Skirk is so much worse of a person than I expected. I love her.

Most people I know hate her and I think a lot of it is because one, her design is too vtuber and not enough monster, which, fair, even if I don't 100% agree, and two, we were all kinda hoping for Childe to have his Abyssal Found Family and not the person probably single-handedly responsible for most of the things wrong with him. She is awful. She outright says that the reason Childe thought she wasn't very chatty was because he was too weak for her to bother carrying a conversation with him. A literal teenager.

The yeet wasn't funny. I don't think it was intended to be. She sounded bored the entire time, as if this man didn't just spend a MONTH IN SOUP FIGHTING A WORLD-ENDING MONSTER FROM SPACE with a delusion that's killing him.

Meeting Skirk has given me a whole new respect for Childe. He turned out this well DESPITE her?! He views that as a role model, and his biggest problem is seeing himself as a tool instead of a person?? This kid's incredible.

I'm choosing to view Skirk and Childe's relationship as Mom /neg, not because she's particularly motherly towards him even in a shitty abusive way, but because she was uniquely poised to Fuck Him Up how only a mother can. She's responsible for his life. She's everything he ever wanted to be. He's been chasing her approval ever since he fell in that hole, and he's never gonna get it. This kid needs better friends.

(Though, on the other hand, if Foul is anything like Rhinedottir, Skirk probably comes by it honestly? Skirk's awful but she might actually not be the worst case scenario)

This archon quest has completely changed how I think of both Childe and Furina and I'm losing my mind. This is going up with fullmetal alchemist as some of my alltime favorite media.

[bluejayblueskies]

Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

.

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

.

Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

.

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: If This Gets Out

Author: Sophie Gonzales & Cale Dietrich

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Drama | Friendship | Music | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Drug Abuse | Alcohol | Car Accidents

Overall Rating: 9.4/10

Personal Opinion: Teen heartthrobs, Ruben and Zach, of the American boy band, Saturday, are dating. But they can’t let the world know or else they’ll be shafted by their management company. In this riveting story about the pressure of being in the public eye and dating in secret, can Ruben’s and Zach’s relationship survive? You’ll have to read to find out.

Do I Own This Book? No, but I wouldn’t mind.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- First of all, this is such an interesting situation. Most YA books are set in high schools because duh. The characters in this novel though are teen heartthrobs in an American boy band like Big Time Rush or N*SYNC. Ruben is gay and he’s wanted to come out to the public since he was 16. He’s now 18 and Chorus, their management company, still will not give him the green light to do so. And then he gets into a relationship with fellow band member, Zach. The tension is exquisite. The fact that they’re in a secret relationship is just so good and the way they find comfort in each other when things are shitty (which unfortunately, it happens a lot) is simply so heartwarming. I love how they are there for each other and how much they care. Even before Zach realized he’s bi, he cared so fiercely for Ruben and it was just so sweet.

- Angel Phan is easily one of my favorite characters. Not just because he’s a hot Asian guy with sex appeal but because he’s just so funny. Chaos given human form. My favorite scene with him though is probably when he was guessing what Zach’s news was and was able to tell instantly after Zach came out that he and Ruben were hooking up.

- But Angel’s parents may be even better. His mom hugged Jon because he’s the reason Angel got help for his drug problem. And then Angel’s dad said that if Anjon was real, he would have been happy to have Jon as their son-in-law. And then Angel tried to high five his dad only to be left hanging so I know where his sense of humor came from. I love the Phans. And I love that Angel got help and apologized to Jon for the shit he said once he was out of rehab. 

- Honestly, all of Saturday is just so good. They’re a found family to a T. They care so deeply for another and they’re willing to do shit like climb down balconies just to protect one another. And now they’re thinking of living together, the four of them! God, that is a true found family right there.

- Also, the band is basically the most diverse boy group ever. Jon is biracial, half-black and half-white. Angel is (I assume) Vietnamese. And the two white guys are queer. 

- The producer for Good Afternoon United States is a real one for turning the mic back on. I respect her so much for that because it’s possible she could get sued horribly by Chorus. But the whole coming out scene was just beautiful. I love how they looked out onto the crowd and saw queer boys actually tearing up over it. And I imagine I would be too if I was there. Representation is just so important and it makes me so happy that Ruben and Zach think making queer kids feel less alone makes it all worth it.

- Also Zach fixing things with Ruben almost immediately was good content. Never thought I’d see it. Seriously, he showed up at Ruben’s door with gas station flowers, an apology, and a promise to do better. He supported his words with actual actions and proved that he was willing to be more decisive and assertive. That is true romance. I do kind of wish we went into Ruben’s POV for it though. Have it slowed down and have him digest everything because it happened real quick on Zach’s side. Not enough time for me to bask in it.

- I love how Ruben learned to be a better advocate for himself. His mother is the worst. I genuinely have never hated a fictional parent more. And it makes me so happy that he’s learning to set up some proper boundaries. It’s not an overnight thing either. He still feels the temptation to text her to “minimize the damage.” But he knows now that he has a good support system that he can always turn to if he needs to. I also love that he hung up on her when she began criticizing him in the end. She deserved that.

- Laura, on the other hand, is a great mother. I love her banter with her son, Zach. They were so cute together and so honest and I truly wish she knew the full extent of how she hurt her son by comparing him to his shitty father. But overall, the way she gave Ruben a place to stay and apologized to Zach for making him feel unsafe is honestly still so heartwarming.

- Shantelle Braxton is an amazing mother too. What a badass, going against her husband like that and supporting her son and his band. I can’t believe she really had screenshots of her husband’s bigotry, lmaoooo, RIP to Chorus.

Dislikes:

- That period of time when Zach said he needed space and kept on saying the wrong thing? Yeah, I hated that. And then Ruben kept saying the wrong thing too and it got even more annoying. I was so fucking frustrated, I felt like quitting the book. I’m glad I didn’t but dear lord, I wanted to. I just hate when characters don’t talk about things and I’m glad Zach figured that out and grew over the course of the book. But enduring it was still a lot.

- Fuck Geoff and Chorus, fuck Erin, fuck Veronica Montes too. I hate all of them but they were all necessary evils and we’re not supposed to like them, so whatever. That being said, Keegan and Pauline were not necessary casualties in this. They lost their jobs and for what.

- I really thought Ruben saying, “Sure?” to the fangirls asking, “Anjon?” was going to bite them in the butt somehow. Or Zach’s mom misinterpreting Ruben as the sole bad guy in that situation was going to reach Ruben’s ears and make him resent Zach momentarily. They just felt like Chekhov’s gun but they didn’t go off. I don’t know, they just gave me anxiety and I was worried they were going to bite the main characters in the ass but they were just… never mentioned again. It bugs me because Zach LET his mother think that way about Ruben. That Ruben came onto Zach and then got upset about it not being reciprocated. It just rubs me the wrong way. Maybe because it paints an almost predatorial and incel version of Ruben when nothing could be further from the truth.

[shazzeaslightnovels]

Lycoris Recoil: Ordinary Days

Author: Asaura

Illustrator: Imigimuru

Label: Dengeki Bunko

Release Date: 9 September 2022

My Score: 4/5

Content warnings: parts of the book are told from the POVs of the customers of LycoReco. Most of them are adult men and this leads to some of the descriptions of the girls feeling a bit icky. There’s a particular part where Takina and Chisato mention that they have night work leading to the customers wondering if they are engaging in sex work and Chisato’s chest is mentioned in relation this. This is a fairly minor problem but I thought it worth mentioning because gross. Also, the final story is very dark with depictions of bullying and attempted sexual assault.

This is a short story collection for the recent anime Lycoris Recoil. I really enjoyed the anime so I was eager to read this and, for the most part, it didn’t disappoint. The short stories here are intended to show the daily lives of the main characters and there’s a good variety of tones and themes explored. While I didn’t like every story, I did enjoy seeing more of the characters and the simple writing style made it a breeze to get through. The focus of this volume is purely on Chisato and Takina. The other staff members of LycoReco do appear but they’re not given much focus and characters like Fuki are only mentioned in passing. I thought this was a shame as I was hoping for a story about Mizuki or Fuki to give them more exploration that they were missing in the anime. That being said, I love Chisato and Takina and this book definitely delivered on the ChisaTaki moments. At first, I thought it was a bit lacking but the stories get progressively gayer, especially in the third and fourth story. They are very cute and wholesome. Judging by the state of their relationship, the appearance of Kurumi and the lack of mention of Yoshi or Majima, I’d say these stories take place after episode 4, with the aquarium, and before episode 6 as that’s when they first directly encounter Majima. Overall, I thought this was a good short story collection that was easy to read and gave some satisfying fan service. I don’t recommend it if you haven’t seen or enjoyed the anime but if you have then it’s a real good time.

Now I’m going to go into further details on each of the stories and my opinions on them below the cut. There will be spoilers, especially for the last story so be warned.

There are five short stories and between each story is an Introduction chapter. These are used to introduce the topic and tone of the following story. They also feature the plotline of a journalist who wants to write an article on the LycoReco Cafe. I thought these were good breather chapters and led to a good payoff at the end of the book but I didn’t care for the plotline much.

The first story follows a new customer who is retired early at the age of 55. Takina seems concerned about him so Chisato thinks Takina’s in love with the guy and puts all her effort into getting them closer and convincing him to see Takina as a serious romantic interest. This is of course a misunderstanding and Takina actually hates him. She hates the gloomy atmosphere he brings to the cafe and hates that he always only orders coffee and no food. While I had a bit of a chuckle at this one and it was in character, I did find myself annoyed about the misunderstanding and I didn’t care for the older man character.

The second story entitled “Gun Fight, Coffee, and Chisato’s Red ‘That’“ is the shortest one and the one that I disliked the most. It’s pretty much one big action scene with a lot of descriptions of gun that bored me to tears. It tries to explain how various gadgets in the show worked, like Chisato’s non-lethal bullets (the red “that” in question) and the parachute bag seen in the anime’s opening but I didn’t care. I forgot almost everything about it as soon as I finished it. Probably the most interesting thing about it is how Chisato’s bullets are described as looking like flowers blooming when they hit which was not how they came across in the anime. If you like guns, you might like this one more than I did.

The third story, “Takina’s Cooking”, was one of my favourites. Takina’s starting to adjust to life at the cafe but struggles when it’s her turn to cook lunch, leading to her just making protein shakes. Chisato of course makes it her mission to fix this disatrous state of affairs. The comedy in this one was great and the ending was so sweet and adorable.

The fourth story, “LicoReco of the Dead” was probably my favourite. In this one, Takina and Chisato wake up to find themselves alone at the cafe and that a zombie infection has happened while they were asleep. They quickly conclude that this is a dream and the story is about their survival. The reason why I loved this one is because of Takina’s reflection on her relationship with Chisato. Chisato asks Takina whether she would like to be together forever with her and it leads to Takina doing some overanalyzing on her question and it’s great. This is what I mean by this volume getting gayer with each story: we started with Chisato thinking that Takina was in love with an older man and we get to a story where the highlight is Takina having gay thoughts.

The fifth and final story, “What Would You Like to Order?” is very bleak. It’s about a middle schooler named Kana who has found solace at the cafe. She lives with her dad and step-mum but has complicated feelings because their relationship started before her dad and birth mum seperated. She hates her dad and step-mum for this. She’s also getting bullied at school and is blackmailed by her bully who took a nude photo of her while she was getting changed for gym. The bully blackmails her into spending her afternoon with the bully and her boyfriend who try to get Kana into sex work. When she escapes, the bully spreads the nude around and then her teacher tries to sexually assault her. To escape, she pulls out a gun that she found and was planning to use to kill her bullies and parents. Like I said, this is a very bleak story and I had to skim through most of it because it was so depressing to read. I did like that it explored why someone might be driven to the point of murder as the anime dealed with very black and white cases of terrorism and this was a more complex case but I found it a let down as the final story. It does have a happy ending but I found it unsatisfying and it didn’t give me as much catharsis as I needed after reading such a depressing story.

Thankfully, it was followed with the outroduction and a bonus very short story to end the book on a happier note. I think it’s testament to the writing that even though I only really enjoyed two out of five of the short stories, I still came out of it thinking that it was a positive experience. Despite not liking every story, I still had fun reading most of this book (except the last story) and I hope we get more spin-off novels in this vein. Maybe one focusing on other Lycoris? I can only hope. Given the popularity of the anime, I think this one has a good shot of getting an English release so here’s hoping.

[mercerislandbooks]

For the Love of the Rom-com

While I read across genres in the Young Adult section, I have a soft spot in my heart for the rom-com. Though this genre might come across as light and fluffy, in actuality the form is able to take on topics as varied as mental health, identity, immigration, racism, and grief, to name only a few. Sure there’s romance, escapism, and happy endings, but what kept me picking up one YA rom-com after another in the last month was the window into the lives of each protagonist. More than ever I’m seeing #ownvoices authors tell stories that reflect their particular experience with the characters that they hadn’t seen in novels as young people. In turn I get a glimpse into a life different than my own and subsequently widen my world view. Here’s a collection of some of my recent reads!

Counting Down With You by Tashie Bhuiyan

The debut novel from this Bangladeshi American author (and the first novel I’ve read by a Bangladeshi American) takes the fake dating trope and turns it into a thoughtful exploration of expectations across cultures. Karina Ahmed is a high school junior buckling under the weight of Bangladeshi parental expectations and coping with anxiety largely on her own. They want her to be a doctor. She secretly longs to be an English teacher. When her parents take a month-long trip back to Bangladesh, leaving Karina and her younger brother in the care of their grandmother, Karina is looking forward to a much needed break. But her quiet month is almost immediately disrupted when, through a series of circumstances, she is roped into pretending to be Ace Clyde’s girlfriend, Midland High School’s bad boy. As the two slowly get to know, appreciate, and, of course, fall for each other, they also encourage and call out each other’s strengths. Bhuiyan movingly portrays the complex experience of a Bangladeshi American female teen, trying to meet the expectations of her more traditional parents, navigate managing her anxiety, dealing with the double standard of her gender within her culture, and learning to stand in her own power.

Tokyo Ever After by Emiko Jean

Given this cover, I expected something totally different from what the pages held. The main character of this “lost princess found” novel is anything but sweet and demure, the impression I had from the cover. Japanese American Izumi (Izzy) Tanaka is living her best average life with her single mother in the small Northern California town of Mt. Shasta. When she finds out that her previously unknown father is actually the crown prince of Japan, her world turns upside down. Once this knowledge goes public, Izzy is whisked away to Japan to get to know her father and become acquainted with the rest of her family. Having always felt out of place as one of the few minorities in her town, Izzy is hopeful that she’ll finally find a place where she belongs. But life at court is more complicated than Izzy can imagine, and she finds that in Japan she’s too “American.” Izzy’s voice is suffused with humor, so even as she struggles to fit in, her inner monologue made me laugh out loud. A slow burn romance with a hot bodyguard, backstabbing cousins, and relentless paparazzi shenanigans only add to the delicious fun. There’s talk of a sequel in 2022!

Better Than The Movies by Lynn Painter

The premise of girl uses boy next door, with whom she (seemingly) shares a mutual dislike, to get to the boy she crushed on in childhood that has just moved back to town manages to squeeze in a slew of rom-com tropes with witty breeziness. Liz makes a deal with boy next door Wes that she will relinquish the parking spot they feud over daily if he will help her get a date to Prom with childhood crush Michael. Of course it ends up being more complicated than that. Liz is confident and comfortable in her own quirky skin, but is also still dealing with the grief of losing her mother, which seems to be hitting her more sharply as all the “lasts” of senior year are happening. Spending time with Wes in her efforts to get close to Michael, Liz realizes that maybe she doesn’t hate him as much as she thought she did. Movie lovers will appreciate that each chapter is headed by quotes from the rom-coms that Liz obsesses over. I appreciated the balance of snarky banter with an honest portrayal of the complicated relationship Liz has with her grief.

Love in English by Maria E. Andrew

I’d been meaning to read Love in English for months and finally picked it up. Ana and her mother have recently moved to New Jersey from Argentina to join her father, who’s been living in the United States for some time. In Argentina, Ana thought her English was pretty good, but finds that navigating high school in America is a daily struggle in understanding her classmates and teachers. Andrew uses blocks of ##### to show the parts of conversations Ana misses, drawing the reader into her confusion and frustration. Reading this novel, I was reminded of when my family hosted a Japanese exchange student in high school, and the hours she spent translating her homework from English to Japanese. Reading what it was like for Ana, I had a glimpse into what it might have been like for Miki, and it made me admire her, and all the people who come to the United States not knowing the language. I’m certainly not proficient in any other language than English. The short chapters are interspersed with Ana’s handwritten ESL journal entries, musings on the confusions of the English language and poems that play with varieties of word meanings. Ana is attracted to a cute boy in her math class, Harrison, but also bonds with fellow ESL student Neo, who is from Greece. While romance is a central thread in the story, what I found most compelling was the portrayal of what it’s like to live in a place where the ability to communicate and comprehend is limited. Ana’s perseverance and curiosity in the face of that challenge is inspiring.

The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss by Amy Noelle Parks

Last but not least I decided to continue my theme of YA rom-coms in my current audiobook and cued up The Quantum Weirdness of the Almost-Kiss. Set at an elite boarding school for math and science prodigies, this is a dual POV narrative Evie and Caleb, best friends since childhood. Evie is one of the few females at their prestigious school, and excels in math and physics, but hasn’t shown any interest in the opposite sex until new guy Leo catches her eye - with his physics proof. When Evie decides romance might be worth exploring with Leo, Caleb has to figure out how to be supportive, despite the fact that he himself is also secretly in love with Evie. Alternating chapters between Caleb and Evie’s POV mean that we get to see what’s going on internally for both of them as Evie embarks on her first relationship with Leo, Evie and Caleb team up for a national physics competition, and the course of love takes twists and turns. While there is plenty of swoony romance, I also loved the way that Evie has grown to learn to live with her anxiety and how she sets the boundaries she needs to take care of herself while also pushing herself beyond her comfort zone. Parks does an excellent job of making the all the math and physics approachable for the layperson.

There are many more YA rom-coms to choose from in the Teen section, so stop by and see what catches your eye!

— Lori

[butterfly-apocalypse]

I’m not an “anime only,” I’m both anime and manga person, I just haven’t gotten that far in MHA yet so maybe my POV of Bakugo will change but for now I’m so sick of him.

Fair enough!! That was my bad for assuming, but I suppose what I was getting at still stands that I was pretty sure you hadn’t gotten super far into the story (and that’s okay!). Bakugou hate was EXTREMELY common a few years ago when only the first few seasons were out and the manga hadn’t progressed that far yet. The reason I was under the impression that you weren’t far in the story is that as the story has continued, Bakugou hate has really all but disappeared off mainstream. I’m sure there are people out there who are all caught up with the story and still hate him for their own reasons, but on the whole people accept that he’s grown even if they still don’t prefer him. (An analogy I just thought of: if you’ve seen Avatar: the Last Airbender, seeing this attitude feels like someone going into people’s inboxes and asking how they could like Prince Zuko when he tried to kill Aang and is rude to his Uncle who only wants the best for him. You’re allowed to dislike Zuko as you are allowed to dislike Bakugou, but claiming they haven’t faced consequences shows mostly that you are early in the story and [Iroh voice] have much to learn.)

Bakugou definitely is a polarizing character for valid reasons. At the beginning of the story, he is rude and arrogant and cruel at times for seemingly no good reason. In my experience, I’ve noticed that a lot of people who tend to hate him the most are people who have been hurt by someone like him or have watched people they love be hurt by someone who seems to think they’re better than everyone else. A lot of people who hate him see this character and can’t think of anything except the real life person he reminds them of. I can tell this is a topic you feel strongly about since you sent an ask to my blog from a reply I put on a response to an anonymous ask, so I want to be clear that I think it’s valid that you dislike Bakugou. I’m not sure if anything like that is relavent to your case, but if it is, I want to say that you didn’t deserve what happened to you and that I hope you are able to heal from it.

I know it really sucks to see a character you hate (ESPECIALLY a character who reminds you of real life pain) get love and attention. I’m sure it must feel like people are glossing over and not caring about things that are truly upsetting to you. I could imagine that it would almost feel like a betrayal if this character represents to you things that make you sick, to then see people just…*ignoring* that aspect of the character. It probably feels like everyone liking this character is excusing terrible things.

I hope it’s at least a small comfort that…I haven’t really seen that being the case. It’s not that people see this character the same way you do and decide they don’t care about the bullying. It’s that people see this character and see POTENTIAL. We see from Izuku’s perspective that he admires, and even ADORES Bakugou. In the beginning, it’s not really clear…*why* he likes Bakugou so much, especially given how Very Much Not Mutual those feelings seem. For people who love a redemption arc, love to watch people learn and grow as people, love to believe that people can change, that alone is enough. For a lot of people, it was extremely clear from the beginning that a LOT of the story that My Hero Academia IS is about Bakugou’s growth into a hero worth admiring. A lot of people want nothing more than to see Bakugou grow into the hero that Izuku *clearly* sees that he can be.

For some people, Bakugou is a symbol of the desperation that comes with comparing yourself to others, of constantly feeling the need to prove yourself, of failure in any way feeling like a complete invalidation of you as a person.

For some people, Bakugou is a cathartic character who holds the assertiveness and confidence they wish they could have.

For some people, this is another Shonen rivalry (the progression of Bakugou and Izuku’s relationship has a number of parallels to say, Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship, for example).

I think it’s important to recognize that the reasons you hate Bakugou are not the same ones people love Bakugou and both are valid without discrediting the other.

You are most certainly not alone in hating Bakugou. There are so many valid reasons to dislike him, from being “Meh, just not my cup of tea” to “He reminds me very much of real life trauma and it makes me uncomfortable.” I think it’s less common nowadays to hate publicly on Bakugou with how the story has progressed, but if that is something you would enjoy as being part of the fandom, I encourage you to find a space where people truly want to hear about it. I encourage you to block the tags, block blogs that like Bakugou, block, block, block until you don’t have to see anything in the fandom about Bakugou. It’s, well, to be blunt 😅 pretty bad fandom etiquette to go into inboxes of people who like a character to say that you dislike the character. I hope you didn’t intend any rudeness, but I wanted to let you know that it can go poorly for either you or the person you’re sending the ask to or both. I think it could be valuable to have discussions about why you dislike or like a character and compare experiences and opinions and analyses, but *consent* of everyone involved in the discussion is really important. Unfortunately anon asks on Bakugou-positive blogs is not really the way to achieve that :(

In the future, if you want the discussion, I recommend starting a thread on a Discord server or putting a post inviting discussion in the appropriate tags! That way people who would LOVE to have this conversation can and anybody who would feel upset and harassed by it doesn’t have to see it. If you just want to complain about Bakugou, that’s valid! But this is not the space to do it.

Lastly…unfortunately if you are sick of Bakugou in canon as well as in the fandom, I’m not actually sure that My Hero Academia will be a story that you will enjoy 😰 An angsty and mean rival is a staple of the Shonen genre. Bakugou and Izuku’s stories run on parallel tracks, and Bakugou’s importance to the story only increases. If it’s just seeing Bakugou in the fandom that you can’t stand, I encourage you to block, block, block, block, block. Again, block tags, block people, make your experience what you want it to be! You may never like Bakugou, and that’s okay. Please also understand that people who DO like Bakugou have our own and very valid reasons. If you choose to continue the story, I really hope you enjoy it! I think it would be awesome if Bakugou’s journey moves you, but I understand if it doesn’t!

If you ever wanna come off anon, I really love Bakugou and his story if you want to hear the ways that people like him that don’t dismiss his actions at all!! I’m not really interested in hearing unsolicited Bakugou negativity, though, so if that’s the interaction you’d prefer to have, I think you’ll have a better experience with people who also dislike Bakugou!

[yaboylevi]

Sorry if you have already answered this but why do you not like Levi anymore? I’m curious cause he hasn’t clicked with me much post time skip either but I can’t exactly articulate why

Oh boi, here we gooo! XD

Yes, I’ve been asked before, but I never replied because I got fed up with all the hate I got after speaking up about some stuff I didn’t like about him back when chapters 113-114-115 came out. Back then I entertained various anons and discussions about it, thinking we could all have a normal back and forth or agree to disagree, but I guess “Levi”, being the most popular character with such a loyal fanbase, is a touchy topic for most.

So, this is to say that if you, reader, feel offended by what I’m going to talk about in this reply, just know that I am not in search of a dialogue about it, and it’s not a personal attack to you, it’s just my opinion - that I’ve spent WAY too much time thinking about, precisely because I was one of those loyal fans and the disappointment hurt bad, and I wanted to cling to a positive opinion of him in the first place...but ultimately couldn’t. I won’t change this opinion if I’m sent aggressive asks, and I won’t change it even after friendly discussion. It just is what it is. XD Nothing personal, I swear! You’re free to enjoy this character however much you want, it just doesn’t do it for me, not anymore.

Also, let me preface this with one other thing: Levi was my favorite alongside Eren for the longest time. Due to Levi’s behavior, AND Isayama’s writing, AND some of the fandom’s most popular takes, I just started to viciously dislike him for a while. I had his name blacklisted for about a year at one point. Now I’ve calmed down, mainly because I have no expectations anymore for him, and I’ve given up on something magically turning his character enjoyable again for me personally.

That is why I can finally reply to such questions as the above (I will prob curse a bit, but I’m not mad, I swear XD). 

Anon, I hope I won’t bore you, and I hope that if you share even a little bit of my feelings, this post will clear up why you may be feeling like that about post-timeskip!Levi.

I’m gonna make a list of the major things I didn’t like about the handling of his character, but I won’t go too much in details because I feel it would become too long a post, and I would get upset all over again lol. Besides, I’ve talked about this stuff in greater depth in the past, already, in probably stronger words.

1. What broke the deal for me was his violence towards Zeke and how the fandom reacted to that, in chapter...114-15(?). I understand people hate Zeke. I don’t. I didn’t hate Levi either. I quite literally adored both. But after seeing Levi torturing mentally and physically Zeke, and the fandom cheering him on...man, I felt sick. The fandom loses its shit and calls Eren a psycho piece of shit routinely when Eren speaks in a barely threatening tone to Reiner, but Levi’s very personal angry torture is dandy.

About this point, though, it was a piling up of things. I was already royally pissed at Levi for kicking Eren on the blimp in chapter 105. It accomplished nothing, in the story, except estranging Eren even more. In the fandom, it got ereri antis pop a boner, because the hard pill to swallow is that it’s not really the shippers who like Levi being violent with Eren, it’s the antis. When chapter 105 came out, the tag was filled with people cheering on Levi kicking Eren. That’s disgusting as shit. This continues nowadays. Just to clear up I’m not making this shit up:

Anyway, moving along, about this same point, we also got Isayama putting his own spin to it. Finding it funny when at the end of Uprising, Levi kicked Jean and Eren. I mean, I didn’t think twice on it back then when I read the chapter because I filed it away as that special brand of Isayama’s humor that sometimes misses the mark, but then he explained that Levi kicked them because he was mad at Erwin. So Levi is actually a piece of shit who can’t cope and that’s...cute? Because that reminded me very clearly of [tmi] a very abusive person in my life who would get frustrated at work, keep it inside, and then throw stuff at me or hit me. That shit hurt, but death of the author and all that. I could turn a blind eye on what Isayama said at that time. Except then, after the timeskip, this side of Levi kept rearing its ugly head, and it was never addressed as bad behavior, something toxic that should change. 

Well, except that it was quite literally counterproductive in canon: it made his protegee even more distant (certainly Eren didn’t feel more inclined to talk to Levi after Levi’s poor behavior - and we know Levi cares about Eren, but Levi’s special kind of tough love is just a pretty way to call his abuse, you know). And then it literally pushed Zeke into blowing himself up, and we know where that led Levi. It would be oh so funny in its irony IF IT WAS PROPERLY ACKNOWLEDGED in the plot but...nope. (Well, we got Yelena’s comment right here, but it ultimately lead to nothing).

And it pissed me off even more, because the story is a huge commentary on this, on not perpetrating violence again and again, but it’s so lost on Levi’s character. And I think Isayama isn’t even aware. 

I’ve heard all possible excuses about this, and I just can’t change my mind. Unless Levi acknowledges it himself, which is still possible, considering the latest chapter. If he had things to say to Eren, why did he choose violence instead? He may end up reflecting on this and his regrets about Eren but I doubt, because there’s probably no time and ISYM is doing the bare minimum in regards to Levi’s relationship with Eren.

2. His extreme focus on “Killing Zeke”. Don’t get me wrong, it makes sense in light of him feeling guilt over Shiganshina. In his mind, killing Zeke would make all those soldiers’ lives worth the price they paid back then, especially Erwin’s.

And yet, I really find that it was awkwardly delivered. So much shit was going down, and all Levi ever had to say was “KILL MONKE” (which understandably became the meme it is today because it’s repetetive and cringe-worthy after so many chapters). He contributed literally nothing to the plot. A character like Levi, who had always some wise words to say, some kind of relevant commentary, who had an interesting relationship with so many other characters - Historia, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Hange, and as the 104th’s mentor - was reduced to a background character whose turn to speak came forward only when it came to just this one topic. 

He felt one dimentional. Yes, he still doesn’t want soldiers to die and feels terrible when it happens - that’s just...normal? Every single character feels that way. Same with that Ramzi scene. But, like:

> His mentorship of the 104th in such a terrible moment for all of them would’ve been so interesting to explore, especially when it comes to Mikasa and Historia (but Historia’s character treatment in the story is a whole other can of worms).

> His relationship with Hange in regards to the void Erwin left in their trio and the SC would’ve been great to develop. I particularly wanted to see Levi open up about Erwin’s true nature to Hange, especially because Hange was suffering a great deal due to constantly comparing themselves to an idealized version of Erwin. I realize that it might have been my expectations coloring my enjoyment on this one, but from a narrative pov, I feel like their relationship was sacrificed for...nothing.

> Levi’s relationship with Eren, and the shared themes of difficult choices, regrets, guilt, hope, using extreme violence to protect others, as well as the shared goal they had, freedom. The sense of betrayal and hurt that Levi experienced in regards to Eren’s action got a bit of focus, but never received a proper chapter dedicated to it (and I will go down on my little hill that Levi, Armin and Mikasa were the most attached to Eren, whose relationship also got consistently explored and developed in canon, and which was thematically relevant). All of this was thrown into a box and locked away, only to have Levi repeat the same 2 sentences about Zeke every 5 chapters or less, and have a couple choice lines about his feelings towards Eren every 20 chapters.

And what turned me off even more, is that almost nobody in fandom even felt it was off for the longest time. Until it became quite literally embarrassing and annoying recently, since the way Levi got so one-track-minded became a meme. Even the Japanese fandom got finally fed up. Too little too late. Well, not that it would’ve changed Isayama’s writing, but it felt really lonely, months ago, when I was the (seemingly) only one feeling that way.

Anyway, I think Isayama messed up the writing in this case, though it is something I felt for other characters too, such as Armin, Jean, Connie, Falco, Magath, etc. I really just feel like Isayama should’ve taken some time off to plan this final arc a little better. But again, it is what it is.

3. Well, this is really a minor thing but it’s connected to what I said until now. When I first spoke up about how I wished Levi would change, or at least acknowledge his own flaws and better himself, some people decided to indirectly throw shade at me in a very chilling way: “Adults don’t need to change, and [Levi’s] violence is okay”. Which, yikes, what a bad take, right there. Especially for such a story, where it’s almost showcased in neon letters that ADULTS NEED TO CHANGE, and take responsibility for subjecting the young cast to violence. Um. Way to miss the point. But also, even in real life... I’ve gone through enough shit in my young age to understand that adults should always challenge themselves, to better themselves. Otherwise, they will continue to hurt others and themselves. I am an adult now and I am grateful to those people who made me realize being a grown-up didn’t mean finally reaching a destination. It’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery. We are constantly changing, we can always do better, we have been fucked over by our parents or other adults when we were kids and have internalized behaviors that are probably not the best, so we should always strive to become the better version of ourselves, every day, to know ourselves, understand our flaws and fight against them where possible, acknowledge that we may not always be right, or perfect.

That’s the whole point of Shingeki, too. Just like Zeke was fucked over by the system as a kid, by his parents, by his father figure, and he became a broken man with bad coping mechanisms and behaviors that hurt others and himself, but the point is he can change, and he should, and it would be very satisfying... the same applied to Levi. He even has quite obvious parallels with Zeke, my favorite is them being stuck back as “kids” over a paternal figure and the behaviors/ideologies such figures passed down to them. Like, just because stans are fine with Levi as he is (for different reasons that I totally understand! nobody wants their favorite character to be criticized, or worse, their favorite ship to be put into question, because nowadays you can like something only if it’s perfect and pure.../s), it doesn’t mean some of his behaviors aren’t problematic and wouldn’t benefit from self-analysis and growth. Heck, I would love to see my favorite character thrive! But ISYM seems to not agree with me, even though I could see a slice of light in chapter 136, but again...too late, man XD

--- In conclusion...

I ship ereri and I love Zeke, so I am extremely biased, I know. But, as I hope you have understood by reading this waaaay too long and rambly post, it is more than that. Many things irked me. So I thought about them as objectively, and why not, subjectively, based on my reading of the world and experiences, as possible. This is my answer.

Even when I ignore the fandom’s takes about it, it is the writing of what used to be a great and interesting character that bothers me. So, yeah, I don’t like Levi much anymore. There is not much to appreciate in the first place, when it comes to his brief appearances after chapter 90, aside from nostalgia of what is lost (all the relationships that were scrapped), and a feeling of “there should be more...right?”. The truth is, Levi’s role in the story was heavily downsized. And what was left was poorly handled, in my opinion. It’s the comparison with what Levi was before that made this so disappointing, I guess.

Just look at the fact that Levi hasn’t said a single thing about the Rumbling - I had to come up with a very liberal and creative interpretation that it was actually an avoidance coping on Levi’s part in regards to Eren, and not Isayama’s poor writing. XD

Anyway, yeah. This is mostly it. Maybe this won’t resonate with you, anon, maybe it will. Let me know.

[shouta-aizawow]

Long BNHA-related rant ahead, but imma organize my thoughts :)

Bakugou should not have failed the provisional licensing exam.

Katsuki failed this exam because he spoke roughly to the “victims”.

If this is enough to not get a hero license, then every single hero at the scene during the sludge villain incident, at the sports festival and/or that got to Katsuki during the kidnapping should have their licenses revoked.

None of these heroes comforted Katsuki, and none of these heroes tried to get the villain to safety. They watched or they were the cause of his suffering. Katsuki was just doing what had been done to him time and time again.

Not to mention, during the rescue portion of the exam, he able to prioritize. Getting to the most injured victims is more important than comforting someone that has a broken arm. Sure, they might think it’s a big deal, but even with doctors, they don’t sit there and comfort everyone in an accident. They go find the person that’s hurt the most. Katsuki was not wrong. Sure, he could’ve worded it better, but to fail?

Side note: This reminds me of the rescue training OVA. Everyone was standing around chatting, and Bakugou decided to leave them and walk into the building to find the dummy, and Ochako calls him self-centered? When he was the one that knew that chatting wasn’t doing anything in their favor? He really can’t win...

(I’ll keep silent on the people I believe should have failed/come close to failing)

Bakugou is treated poorly by nearly everyone in BNHA.

Katsuki is angry. He’s angry a lot.

Katsuki was canonically raised by violence (from what we’ve seen and heard him say).

Katsuki has been in the center of numerous traumatic events.

But he’s angry, right? He’s angry a lot.

He’s angry a lot, so people seem to think that it’s not valid every single time. He’s angry a lot, so he’s not taken seriously. He’s angry a lot, so people treat him like they know him more than he knows himself.

He’s angry a lot, and the characters and the antis never ask why. They never look at all the facts that contribute to his feelings. They never put themselves in his shoes.

They see an angry child, and they stop there. (Sometimes they stop after angry, forgetting that Katsuki is a child.)

This is apparent both in and out of BNHA, and it’s so frustrating how if people perceive anger to be your most felt emotion/if you feel angry a lot, then it’s not valid each and every time.

People care about the cookie cutter kind kids, not the angry ones, and this causes people to not feel heard and to be disregarded.

Looking/being kind doesn’t automatically make you the best.

Looking/being mean doesn’t automatically make you the worst.

I’d argue that Katsuki has PTSD from these events, or, if not, we canonically know that the kidnapping has impacted him immensely.

But he’s angry a lot, so people don’t care.

He gets blamed for things he can’t control and hit by his mother, but “he shouts back! It’s part of his culture! It’s part of his culture and he shouts back, so it’s fine!”

1) Being a part of someone’s culture doesn’t make it right. Yes, I like good parents Mitsuki and Masaru just as much as the next guy, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to overlook what’s right in front of me and what I hear (remember: he said he was raised in violence). A kid isn’t born angry. Either a chemical imbalance, their environment, or both plays a role. Don’t ignore it because anger isn’t validated in the eyes of others.

2) So what if he yells back? Being hit, being called names, and being blamed for something I can’t control has happened to me, and almost always I shouted back. That does not mean that it hasn’t affected my mental health and self worth. I am always labeled as the angry child. Because of this, when I’m sad or when I’m angry, no one cares unless they’re equally impacted.

Me not being listened to? Doesn’t matter.

Be getting hurt by someone physically or emotionally? Doesn’t matter.

Me being in a bad mood? Doesn’t matter.

But it does matter if it impacts someone else.

It does matter if I don’t listen in return. It does matter if I tell someone and interrupt whatever they’re doing. It does matter if I don’t want to talk to someone and they want to talk to/bother me.

It does matter, but not the fact that I’m feeling this way.

All they know is that I’m angry and it’s affecting them.

But they don’t help me, no. They don’t ask why, they don’t want to hear why.

They just see a child that feels anger a lot and tell them everything that’s wrong with them, because “you’re feeling this way, but I don’t like it”.

This is exactly how it is with Katsuki.

Katsuki’s emotions are extremely valid, but it’s ignored because every other character he interacts with seems so optimistic.

Yeah, they’ve been in traumatic events, but in the span of about a year, Katsuki has suffered, and no one looks past the angry appearance to ask the real questions of why he feels that way.

Being angry doesn’t make you a bad person, but no one in BNHA seems to understand that. (And almost no one in real life does either).

Okay, so I’m gonna briefly mention what I don’t like about other characters (All Might and Deku), so skip this and go to the 🛑 if you don’t want to see it!

Midoriya Izuku

Honestly, I find that with Deku, Hori does a lot of telling and not a lot of showing. Like we’re told he’s kind and we’re told he’s analytical. In reality, so many characters have basically dumped their trauma on Deku and he just replies with “yeah that sucks” or he doesn’t reply at all. With his analytical skills, sure he comes up with plans, but they’re really basic plans. (And extremely reckless at that.)

One thing that I cannot wrap my head around is how every character automatically trusts Deku without any complaints.

Deku is given everything, and I get that he’s the protagonist, but it’s like he has no struggles to reach the top. Like, sure he had that bone breaky thing, but he hears Gran Torino talk about some food not heating up all the way and all of a sudden he’s almost mastered AFO?

Deku should not have gotten so high on the entrance exam, and he should not be at the top of his class in terms of quirk use.

Deku is not 100% innocent in his and Katsuki’s relationship. Bnha is from Deku’s pov, so of course things would look all innocent of his side (especially with his lack of introspection as he only changes when someone else says something, but that’s a rant for another time)

Deku is not good at being inspirational, in my opinion, and I think that his hero-worshipping self should not have been the type of comfort that Eri and Kota needed.

Not a bad thing, but Deku doesn’t even mind Katsuki’s “you might as well take a swan dive off of the roof” comment (that people blow way out of proportion, but sure), so I don’t understand why people are so angry about that scene.

All Might

I don’t like how All Might knocks out Katsuki for pushing himself even if he breaks and whatnot, because Midoriya does that literally every fight, and All Might stays silent.

All Might told Katsuki that he was at a level 50 and Deku was at a level 1 and that was why he’s catching up so quickly as if he didn’t just give Deku the quirk of the number one hero as well as about 6 other quirks.

All Might is a terrible mentor and should not be a teacher. He only cares about his students (especially with Katsuki) when it affects Deku directly, and he doesn’t teach Deku any skills that would help him live longer and actually save people. (Noted in Deku’s highkey terrible handling of the fight during the Eri and Kota situation).

🛑

Okay, before I end this, I have some final things I want to say.

Everyone talks to Bakugou like they know him more than he knows himself.

I don’t understand when people say that Bakugou tormented and “suicide baited” Deku all his life, because we only got, like, 1.5 scenes of him being mean to Deku, everything else was just them hanging out, and he didn’t suicide bait Deku at all, please learn what that means before you use it.

Some of the same people bashing Katsuki are the ones stanning villains and saying that they should get off scot free or comparing him to Endeavor. I don’t understand this. How are you excusing serial killers and comparing an abuser to a child that was mean a couple times? Make it make sense, because right now, the double standards are real.

Done! (For now >:D)

There’s a lot of things that I could’ve said, but we’d be here all week if I mentioned everything, so, please settle with this long post!

Note: I don’t hate Deku nor All Might. I just relate to Katsuki a lot more, and I highkey dislike a lot of aspects of those twos’ characters.

[philomaela]

I recently read “The Viking Hostage” by Tracey Warr and it proved to be a breath of fresh air in my adventures of Viking Age historical fiction... mainly because this book was set in France and Wales rather than the usual stomping grounds of England or Iceland.

The story mainly concerns 3 women, Adalmode (daughter of the viscount of Limoges), Aina (heiress of Segur) and Sigrid (a pagan slave who serves Aina’s family). The story tracks their intertwined adventures, as they navigate the political struggles and harsh norms of the society they live in.

I’m not entirely sure whether to recommend this novel or not. I would say that I liked most of it, some of it I definitely found refreshing and unique compared to the other books I’ve read in this list so far. However I’m not sure if that means that everyone will enjoy it... perhaps I should say that it’s worth checking out?

Okay, onto the review which I will try to keep spoiler free:

So, I really enjoyed getting a historical fiction novel that explored medieval France, it was interesting reading about the power struggles of Aquitaine and Wales to a lesser extent and I actually enjoyed how much exposition there was about who was gaining power in what region, even when it sometimes felt somewhat unneeded for the plot at hand. It was just refreshing to hear about a bunch of dudes named Guillaume and Louis rather than a bunch of Athelstans lol. I also liked how the Welsh characters were humanized and given personalities, because I feel like in my reading... whenever I read stories that take place in England, the Welsh and the Scottish people... they’re almost treated like stock vikings are in other media? Like, these books are working so hard to make sure people know that these Vikings are well-rounded characters who don’t conform to the “stereotypical viking” and then they go and decide to be like... well here are these stock Welsh and Scottish villains (not even really villains since the focus is on them as a group rather than any individual) who have no personality and no voice in a lot of cases. So to have a book discuss Welsh politics and have our characters interact with Welsh characters in a relatively meaningful way was nice imo.

As far as the characters go, I really enjoyed Sigrid and Aina and their relationship. Sigrid is a completely original character so the author uses her to explore some really interesting details. Sigrid was made a slave at a point in time when Christians were discouraged from buying other Christians as slaves, so when she bought by Aina’s family, the family initially thinks that they can just convert her and free her that way, but Sigrid doesn’t want to give up her faith.

I also really liked the interplay of Sigrid and Aina’s personalities because Aina is portrayed as... I don’t want to say a selfish character, because I don’t think her desires are necessarily selfish, but she never thinks about the potential ramifications of her actions. This extends to actions that have negative ramifications for the people she loves and I think what’s interesting about it is that the story allows her to be uncompromising, but you never doubt how much she and Sigrid love each other and always want to be together and take care of each other.

Guy, Adalmode’s brother and Aina’s betrothed, is also an interesting character. He’s portrayed as very politically competent and intelligent, but he’s very nearsighted to the point where he struggles with every day tasks and especially things like swordfighting, which is expected of him as a future viscount. He goes through a lot of effort to try and hide his nearsightedness and compensate for it and prove that he’s  “worthy” in other ways.

Now, about the stuff that I didn’t like as much... notice how I haven’t talked about Adalmode yet? Yeah, I didn’t find her part of the story to be particularly satisfying. Her story is primarily about her romance with Audebert, the son of the count of La Marche, who she meets when he is first taken prisoner by her father. I was a little put off by the fact that they meet when Adalmode is twelve and Audebert is seventeen, and that it’s meant to spark this decade long love affair, but that didn’t even end up being my main issue with it. Like, I’ve read plenty of books where I’ve found the romance off-putting but I was still invested in the characters themselves, the problem was that the book didn’t seem entirely invested in Adalmode’s journey? I understand that she has a very internal journey, compared to Sigrid and Aina, but I think you still could have done more with her? As the story went on, she kind if disappears from the narrative, her chapters get smaller and it feels like we’re just watching her repeat over and over her how she feels about Audebert. It’s compounded by the fact that, we get a ton of PoV from Audebert and Guillaume, the future duke of Aquitaine, who takes up this sort of villainous rival role in the story, as a rival suitor for Adalmode’s hand. Guillaume and his mother, Emma of Blois, are portrayed as like so villainous and such caricatures that I was really tired of it because well... why are we hearing so much from them when we get so little from Adalmode? It felt very unbalanced and that threw me off a lot.

Also, just as a general critique, the story covers a lot of time and sometimes things get a bit blurry when we see whole years jump in the course of a single paragraph. 

I.... said I was hesitant to recommend this book and the funny thing is, my hesitation doesn’t actually come from the parts I disliked but from the parts I liked! I kept using the adjective “refreshing” when describing the parts I liked about this book and I think that kind of reveals a core issue, it’s refreshing because of all the books I’ve read previously, and I’m not entirely sure how it stands on its own? Thinking it over, I believe it’s a solid read, and you should check it out if you’re interested, it’s just... well keep in mind, you may not find it quite as exciting and enjoyable as I did lol.

[codenamebooks]

Five Feet Apart Book Review

by Rachael Lippincott

2/5 stars | CW: dead family, death, terminal illness, divorce

Stella and Will meet in the hospital because they both have Cystic Fibrosis (CF), a terminal lung disease. At first, Stella thinks Will is arrogant and rude, and Will thinks Stella is overbearing and a goody two shoes. But as they work through their differences, they realize they’re following into dangerous territory because people with CF can’t get within six feet of each other.

This novel is adapted from the screenplay by Tobias Iaconic and Mikki Daughtry. If I would’ve known this before hand, instead of during the acknowledgements, my expectations going in would have been different. A lot of my complaints and dislikes fall largely on the fact that movies/screenplays move a lot faster, with a lot less depth than books do. Although I’ve tweaked how I look at this book, all of my comments still apply.

From the first 25 pages, it felt cliché and predictable. Certain things that were supposed to be a shock weren’t eluded to subtly. Will as a character, when we first meet him, is also an over exaggerated cliché of the sarcastic boy who doesn’t care about safety. He’s just rude, rather than seductive. About more cliché characters, Poe is uncomfortably stereotyped. A Colombian gay jock who’s Catholic parents were deported and his catchphrases(?) felt like they just modeled him after what they think a gay Hispanic is like. There’s even something to be said about the notion of minority side/best friend character dying to further the plot of the white main character. Poe didn’t have to be Will’s friend. He didn’t have to be okay with Stella risking her life to be with Will. The fact that he died the night of Will’s birthday party that Stella set up doesn’t sit right with me. It was very predictable that somebody was going to die. I thought it’d be Will or Stella so this was only a slight plot twist from the cliché I was expecting. It reads very much like a 2013 John Green novel. I would have adored this when I was in 7th grade. Now, it just seems childish and limp.

If you hate fast paced relationships, especially ones that are “hate-to-love” but just feel like insta-love, this book is not for you. It makes no sense for Stella to keep thinking about Will after she definitively decides she hates him and vice versa. Why would she go check on him instead of telling someone it looked like he was about to fall off the roof? Why would she go into his room if she’s scared of a disease he could possibly give her? There’s no reason given for either of these. His POV started with absolutely zero depth. Despite being in his head, I felt like I was watching him from an outsiders perspective: all actions, no thoughts. That’s how this entire novel is, all telling and no showing, one of the first things I was told not to do in my writing workshop courses. Will tells the reader he could talk about drawing for days but I’d rather see him just gushing about it longer than one sentence. The characters are only an idea of what they are supposed to be.

I finally began to like the novel when the stakes started getting higher. Stella having to get surgery with her dead sister’s traditions looming in the back of her head along with her divorced parents and high risk of death actually made me feel something! I became invested enough to care about the outcome. This was probably because it began to stray from what I expected as Stella became more rebellious, making the scenes more fun. It was still very fast paced with nothing to fill the time. The actions done didn’t line up with the time that was supposed to be moving. An hour would supposedly pass with 15 minutes worth of dialogue instead of just moving throughout the day. To combat that, I took in as much as I could from the funny lines and second-hand-embarrasment inducing scenes that are cute, or at least supposed to be.

If you like really corny and cliché young adult romance novels, this one is for you. If you like romances that aren’t supposed to work and the characters try their hardest to defy the odds, this one is for you. If you like fast paced, hate-to-love romances, this one is for you.

[hellswolfie]

House of Hades review

From the Heroes of Olympus. 

THINGS I DIDN’T LIKE : 

- Jiper. I never liked this relationship, I don’t even understand their dynamic or why they like eachother so much, sometimes it just feels like it’s because they find eachother pretty and that’s it. Also they tend to bring the worst out of eachother, which could actually be interesting if it was done on purpose but since it’s not it’s just bad. By that mean I mean Piper charming up Jason when he so much as thinks about another girl who happens to have a crush on him. Her tendency to use her charm speak is really worrying at times, how she uses it on her friends and even boyfriend so casually like that’s mind control !!! And he thinks it’s “fair game” which NO it’s not it’s extremely messed up to be that insecure that you feel that you have to brainwash your boyfriend to make sure he doesn’t leave you. Ask Voldemort. Also there is the fact that Jason actually KNEW about Reyna’s feelings for him. I don’t blame him for not outright rejecting her because come on that’s an extremely awkward conversation to have, especially with someone you’re supposed to work with everyday to lead people. But like, I already thought he was an asshole because the first thing he said to Reyna when he came back after months of dissapearing was that he wanted to make his girlfriend visit New Rome. Now it just makes it worse. 

Frank’s physical change. It was just so unnecessary and...kind of send bad messages. What was so interesting about Frank was that he was NOT a stereotypical Ares kid, he even hated the idea of being one at first. Him being all chubby added a lot to his character and it’s really disappointing that now he’s super athletic and I’m so tired of the “he has to physically change and become more of a stereotypical hot dude to complete his arc” . 

Hazel’s magical powers. Look i wouldn’t say I HATE it but I just don’t see the point of it? It doesn’t add anything to her character, only powering up more even tho she was already far enough powered up already imo. I think maybe it would have been more interesting to give this arc to Piper since it’s in line with her Charm Speak. 

The lack of Nico x Leo. Yeah yeah I know it will never happen but at least one conversation between them could have been so interesting? Like this two are so alike in so many ways! They both have extreme self worth issues and see themselves at the outcasts. They both have a tendency to run away (Leo mentionned that in his first chapter in the lost hero) and hiding their feelings. They both lost their only family and have a lot of trauma. Also they both are real sweet boys inside even though they don’t like to show it too much (let’s not forget Nico was the only one who was nice to Hestia and Bob, and Leo really did something so kind for Frank there). So they could understand eachother like no one else could, but also bring eachother something because they have both different ways of coping with that : Leo is desperate to belong, being the joker and doing everything he can to be useful to the point he doesn’t think anyone would like him for him if he wasn’t all that so he kind of has to play a role in his mind, while Nico just withdrawns himself and rejects everyone around him. They could really balance eachother out. Like imagine their relationship development, going from dislike, Leo being creeped out by Nico and Nico finding his jokes annoying, but then they get to talk and realize they’re not so different and...I’m so frustrated we didn’t get that!!! (PS : if you know a fic where that happens during HoH please give me the link!!)

- It was too short to have 7 POV. Well actually, this is more of a compliment because that means I love the characters so much and I wanted to see more of them. But that almost means that each character didn’t have that much screen time in they POV which made their developemnt in there pretty rush. 

Coach Hedge. Look, I really liked him getting more depth with his girlfriend being pregnant and his dead mother but all along the book i couldn’t help but wonder...What is he good for? Why is he even here? I mean he’s supposed to be the protector right? But like, it’s always the kids (the KIDS) who have to take care of him and handle him so he doesn’t do anything stupid. So he’s supposed to be the protector but he never does anything useful, in fact he always finds a way to make the situation worse like when he makes Jason lose his sword because he wanted to beat up a giant turtle so bad. He never helps when it comes to plan because the only thing he says is that he wants to fight even though honestly he’s the weakest of them all. I mean maybe he’ll finally do something useful in the final book, who knows? I still liked knowing he’s the one who brough Clarisse to camp, though, makes so muchs sense...

THINGS I LIKED : 

- The POV characters. I loved seeing more of Frank, finally, when he was in the background in the last book, and I loved seeing his development and him being more and more of a leader. Of course I loved Percy, Annabeth and Leo that’s a given. Even though her new powers annoyed me, I still enjoyed Hazel’s POV because she’s still very interesting to follow and I love the way she thinks, she’s very clever. I also liked Piper’s chapter yeeeeaaaaahh !!! And same for Jason, FINALLY AFTER FOUR BOOKS I ACTUALLY LIKE HIM (because he finally has a personality) !!! This two can become very interesting once they stop being so wrapped up around eachother. Like Jason’s struggle between his Roman side and Greek side was really cool to follow, and Piper showing how badass she can be but always wanting to be more? Yes I like that ^^

- Friendships !!! Friendships !!! Finally !! Yeah I was glad this book focused a bit more on friendships than the last one. I loved the Jason x leo stuff, how Jason really seems to admire Leo and how he was the only who realized how sad Leo were after Calypse. Leo x Hazel finally became a friendship instead of the weird thing they had going on thanks god. Leo confectioning something to protect Frank’s staff was so adorable and kind of him like that’s my sweet boi !! I LOVE the potential of Jason x Nico and also maybe Frank x Nico. Piper crying and hugging Annabeth when they are reunited awwww !! And Piper and Hazel bonding over Hazel learning Piper how to fight and Piper helping her with her magic I really liked that  (even though I would have like it better if Rick would have showed it instead of just telling us about it). Even Frank and Hedge were pretty heartwarming. 

- The Tartarus plot. WOW. It was just...WOW. It was so well written from start to finish, i could feel the horror of this place and how it changed Annabeth and Percy (especially Percy) which was so interesting. Of course the Percabeth moments gave me life. And like...the monsters that give them curses when they die, Nyx, The Nice Titan and The Nice Giant, Tartarus himself...It was just all so good and hurt in the best of way. The “Bob says hello” went straight to my heart. Favorite part of the book. 

Caleo : Do i think they should have had more time to develop if Leo is supposed to be THAT in love? Yes. Do i think Nico x Leo would have been so much better and interesting and had so much more potential especially at a slow burn romance where they both become best friends and fall in love in this book but are to afraid to admit yet (again, please give me a link if you know a fic that does that)? Also yes. But I have to admit, they were hella cute. I liked their dynamic (we’re all sluts for ennemies to lovers, no?), and i get how Calypso can be good for Leo : she also has abandonment issues and they work very well together, she’s not afraid to tell him off and he really seems to have grown up after meeting her (and getting his first kiss, which again : hella cute). And I also see how he can be good for her : he’s not like the other Stereotypical Hero she met on her Island, she actually had to get to know him instead of falling in love instantly, and got more in touch into her more mischevious side which I liked to see. Also if he does come back to her (and I better hope he does because he deserves it), that could be an adorable scene and they could have their shop they talked about and...Yeah I like them. 

NICCOOOOOO : my baby death boy finally got more screen time and damn it was so good. Of course there was the Cupid Scene. I didn’t like how he was basically forced to come out but I still loved the intensity of this scene, and the revelation that he was in love with Percy and he hated himself because of that? My baby needs a hug (and while it hurt, it was also pretty funny in the end how Percy was so confused about Nico’s aptitude towards him, always and forever oblivious to when someone has a crush on him). But also that makes so much sense. His relationship with Jason? Loved it, loved how Jason gave him advice about opening up more to people (and I totally relate to Nico, I’d much rather raise the dead and hide in hell than doing that) while still being kind of scared of him but wanting to be supportive and seeing how this child fucking needs therapy !! I can’t wait for Nico to finally feel like he belongs (which he would have with Leo!!!!). Nico x Hazel has my heart, their dynamic is just so fucking sweet, like even though she doesn’t totally understands him because he still keeps her at arm lenghts, you can see she loves her brother so much and it’s clear it is mutual. Like forehead kiss my heart (forehead kisses are a weakness of mine) !!!! The scene of him and Frank sharing their interest about Mythomagic was so pure and broke my heart at the same time, I mean like Percy said he’s not that little kid insouciant kid anymore :(  (also props to Percy for not being an ass to him which doesn’t really happen often). Anyway I LOVED seeing more of him. He’s such a great and interesting character and i love him so much. Also of course, like always, he was a total badass and I have to asmit, even though I want him to belong, it was kind of amusing how this scrowny, pale and needy of sleep 14 years old terrified the all powerful demi gods on the ship (well ok he is the most powerful of them all but still). His vibe is just that good. But I really want him to have this someone who manages to make him slow down his walls, you know? (even if it’s not Leo snif). 

So that was it. I don’t know it that’s ineresting for anyone but I like to vent so ^^

My reviews for : 

The Lost Hero; Son of Neptune; the Mark of Athena

[skekheck]

30 Days of the Dark Crystal Challenge

Decided to do poultry-blocks Dark Crystal challenge because it looks like a lot of fun to do. However I’m cheating and I wrote all of this within a couple of days. Warning: fairly large post with pictures and fan ramblings. 

EDIT: I FORGOT TO INCLUDE DAY 16 WHOOP. It’s in there now. 

Day 1. Your favorite skeksis

Idiot, feral, wildman who stole my heart. How? Why? Who knows. *chef kisses* Beautiful stinky bastard.

Day 2: Your favorite gelfling

Bless her and her skeksis cosplay. What a queen.

Day 3: A character that you love that everyone seems to hate.

The tides are changing for her it seems. I think people are appreciating her more, but she still faces her fair share of controversies. Not that I don’t think it warrants discussion nor am I excusing her actions. But she’s way more complex than what a lot of people are making her out to be.

Day 4: A character that you hate that everyone seems to love. 

Hate is a strong word as I don’t hate him, but I don’t really care for Amri. He feels like a bootleg Deet mixed with a little bit of Kylan and Gurjin. Wasted potential and honestly shouldn’t have been the POV for Tides of the Dark Crystal. Seems I’m alone in this opinion, though. Maybe the book warrants rereading?

Day 5: Movie or TV Show? Why?

TV Show by miles! I think the series accomplishes way more than the movie does, like establishing lore,  better written characters, and a more engaging story. I actually cared about the gelfling and it really fleshed out the skeksis in an interesting way outside of “oh they do evil things because they’re evil!”. Doesn’t mean it does everything right, but I’ll get into that later.  

Day 6: Something you wish that happened in the series but didn’t.

Just a few things. I miss the gelfling intermingling with the mystics, particularly urVa. I love everything that happens with urGoh and skekGra, but some of the bonding moments Naia had with urVa are precious and I wish we had more of that. I also wished the gelfling got the message out to the other clans like they did in the book where Kylan dreametched their message onto the Santuary Tree’s blossoms and scattered them all throughout Thra. I also wished Tavra and Onica were an established couple, but maybe it’s not too late for that.

Day 7: Favorite gelfling clan

The Sifa! It was the Dousan at first, but the more I learned about the Sifa the more I grew to love the clan. If I were a gelfling I would probably be a sifa myself LOL. 

Day 8: You opinion on Aughra

She’s a fun and fascinating character! Aughra puts a unique spin on the whole beautiful, wise earth goddess trope by making her ugly, old, and cranky. She’s also a character with her own flaws, even having a mini arc about neglecting to take care of her planet and doing whatever she can to make amends. Not to mention she’s wildly entertaining. Much love for Aughra!

Day 9: Skeksis or Gelfling?

Both!

Day 10: Your opinion on podlings?

They’re just funky little potato people who just want to have fun, dance, and drink all day and I respect them for that. They’re great. Also Hup exists and he’s just an amazing character so there’s that.

Day 11: Your The Dark Crystal unpopular opinion

I think it’s okay to sympathize with the skeksis as long as one is not excusing their actions. I see a lot of people say you shouldn’t because they’re evil and they commit atrocities. Which, yes, it’s true, but I think both can co-exist. I mean, skekTek’s whole cycle of abuse is written very sympathetically yet the show doesn’t coddle him. It shows the ugliness of his character and what happens when someone isn’t capable of cutting off from said cycle. Also the writers consider the skeksis as tragic characters due to their broken nature so I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little sympathetic. But once again with great emphasis, sympathy is fine as long as their actions are judged. They are awful bastards and no amount of sympathy will change that. 

Day 12: Something you dislike about the series

I think the stuff I don’t like about the show is a result of its pacing and cluttered cast. There are so many stories going on and while I liked how they handled it for the most part, you can also see how the show rushes to get through all of them. A lot of important moments where a character should reflect or something that should simmer more is pushed aside for the next thing. Maybe if the show was given more episodes and time to breath it would have been better off. 

Day 13: Most disappointing thing about the series

SkekMal and urVa didn’t have enough screen time and we were honestly ROBBED. 

Day 14: Your OTP

Speaking of which... . Its a crack ship, but I’m all about that allegory for self love (and I just want these two to be alive). Day 15: Favorite quote

Listed plenty of my favorite quotes before, but I’ll pick this one:

“ Life is my paint. Death is my canvas”

Day 16: Rate the skeksis from least favorite to favorite OR rate the gelfling from lest favorite to favorite [or both!]

And if you want my gelfling hot takes, here’s this list (just backwards in context to this post)

Day 17: Opinion on Raunip?

Raunip is a fantastic character. I loved him in Creation Myths and I can’t wait to see what role he’d play in the resistance. And I absolutely love the parallels between him and the urskeks it’s great. 

Day 18: A character that is most similar to you.

I too am a dark-dwelling gremlin who constantly forgets where I put things and crack a few dark jokes at my expense. 

Day 19: Which character do you strongly dislike, why?

This is entirely based on the books, but I find Mera to be awful.  I think it’s because she’s so fake and condescending? When Naia arrived in Sami Thicket, she was acting nice and polite but when the Drenchen asked her why the skeksis never visited Sog Mera responded  “It’s only worth counting what’s valuable”. She continuously disrespects her by calling her pet names even when Naia became maudra. It doesn’t come off as cute, it’s gross. I don’t recall Mera ever apologizing for any of the shit she did to Naia... or Kylan for that matter. She was a pretty neglectful step-mother to him. She doesn’t have an excuse being busy with Maudra stuff because Laesid was a kickass mom to her kids. So in conclusion, fuck this bitch.

Day 20: What do you like so much about the Dark Crystal?

The better question what’s not to love about the Dark Crystal? It has amazing creature design, an expansive world that feels real and alien from our own, having complex and interesting characters as well as villains, the fact that it relies heavily on practical effects a.k.a puppetry... . There’s nothing like it and that’s what makes it so wonderful and unique. It needs to be appreciated more. 

Day 21: Favorite music piece from the soundtrack?

Can’t beat that opening theme. 

Day 22: Your opinion on the sequel comics [Power/Beneath the Dark Crystal]

They have cool concepts and ideas, but they’re not written well. Power is just the movie if it was put into a blender and shredded and ignoring a large portion of established lore for the sake of plot. And Beneath is just a generic fantasy story with the Dark Crystal logo slapped on it. 

Day 23: Which character from the YA novels/comics do you wish we would see more of?

There are plenty of characters that are a given to appear in the series at some point (skekSa, skekLi, urSan, etc). And of course I want to see them, but I really hope Periss shows up (and his brother too). He is one of my favorite characters from the book series and we could use some more Dousan rep!

Day 24: Your opinion on the Age of Resistance comic?

I have yet to read the comics. I’m waiting on them to be part of a collection so I don’t have to buy all of the volumes at once (I prefer owning physical copies). I’ve heard good things about them, especially the story with Hup and the current Mayrin arc. I’m excited to get my hands on them. 

Day 25: The best moment/scene in the series?

There are a lot of great moments, but Rian and Ordon’s fight with skekMal is still my favorite in the entire series. The "Speak For the Dead” scene is a close second.

Day 26: The death of a character that hurt you the most?

He did not deserve this. Fuck you, skekMal. 

Day 27: Your favorite episode from the series?

It’s got to be 4. Not just because a number of my favorite characters debut in this episode, but it’s an important one for the plot. Stakes are being raised, we’re seeing set ups to major story elements and character arcs, and events that impact the rest of the series. It also has a handful of my favorite character moments and interactions. 

Day 28: Your favorite non-skeksis and non-gelfling character? Why?

I’ve come to realize the reasons why I love urVa are the same as why I love skekMal (incredibly appropriate I might say). There’s enough information about him that we get a good understanding on who he is as a character, but still mysterious enough that there’s interest in wanting to know more. Much like his skeksis, he’s unique from the other mystics and thus giving him unique experiences that are fun to speculate. However, the YA novels are responsible for my current fondness of him. 

Day 29: Do you like the urru and skeksis apart or like them as urSkeks together?

A main theme of the Dark Crystal is unity and balance. The main conflict of the franchise are the skeksis, the broken fragments of their urskek self who, according to the writers, “...[have] a dire need for the qualities they lack”. Their only salvation is to become urskeks again and unfortunately many of the pairs never achieve this.  They’re basically a giant allegory for the self and self-love. While we don’t really know what they were like when they were an urskek (aside from SilSol perhaps), we can get some understanding when we look at their pairs and see what traits they share. Speculation is also fun! So as much as I love the skeksis and mystics as individuals, I prefer them to be whole again.

Day 30: What are your wishes for a possible season 2?

A whole bunch of things. I want to see them explore more about the mystics and their lifestyle, having Raunip play a big part in the plot, seeing more of skekSa’s fall from grace from her perspective, the beginning of the Garthim Wars, and more.