#but more like. what about this resonated with you? you specifically? I failed in my intent as a writer if this in particular resonated.

[pickaropoprocks]

Day 93!! Happy Pride!!

[maglors-anion-gap]

I deleted the comments but...

Ya know, I started tagging my explicit fic with "transmasculine author" so that people would think twice about being shitty about "doing trans rep wrong" but maybe I should tag all my gen stuff that way too. Since people who think it's normal to say that trans people don't belong in DV shelters because they might creep out cis women apparently feel comfortable engaging with my (ironic, this) fandom trumps hate gift fics that I thought were pretty clearly about the trans ND experience. Most of the time going through my AO3 inbox is a lovely experience. Most of the time.

[yzzart]

I KNOW, MY EYES ALREADY LOVE YOU ── KENJI SATO

── summary: What could be Kenji Sato's certainty and weakness?

── content warnings: F!reader, 18+, nsfw, morning sex, unprotected, riding, playing w/ nipples, dirty talk, praise, petnames, kenji being a fucking tease, explicit words, explicit content.

── word count: 1.798!

Kenji did not know, or did he understand, some certainties about his life, and, perhaps, it could sound like imprudence, the purest act of negligence he had the opportunity to tolerate; in fact, it was obvious. — He believed in this line of consciousness, attempted reasoning.

He declared that he made mistakes, countless mistakes, and, currently, he still thinks about the hypothesis that he could make them to this day; even though he wanted to, and tried, as much as possible, not to reveal what he believed to the cameras, journalists and specific people around him. — Sato wouldn't stand it, he knew that.

However, resonating with a merciless and sweet irony, seeming such a surprising incongruity, Kenji was, he knew, certain about one thing in his existence, something that he would not dare lie, deceive himself or dissemble; he imagined he might die if he did that. — His chest burned, sharply, just thinking about it.

You were one of Sato's weaknesses; in his view, the only one. — At the same time, it was his strength; knowing that, you can destabilize him, with ease and incomplexity, conceiving a change in his concentration and everything around, just by directing your eyes against his would be able to be seen as ridiculous and playing a vulnerable side and stealing his attention was peculiar. — Something incredibly curious.

But in Sato's eyes, it was a form, way of how to worship you; being able to feel a passion, intensely, disoriented and burning in his heart. — Admitting something so angelic and serene. — Not hiding the fact that you were his refuge, a place where he felt safe and loved and knew that it would protect him at all costs in his life; experiencing being worthy of you.

And every morning, every second and minute of it, at dawn next to you, with his body entwined with yours, Kenji thought about it.

"A kiss for your thoughts?" — A sleepy, so sweet voice exclaims in the boy's ears, spontaneously bringing a cunning smile to his lips; Kenji loved your humor, even during the early morning. — "What do you think?" — Even with the huge cuts in the windows, showing weak and soft bands of light, you refused to open your eyes at that moment, yawning.

"That's a very good proposal, should i accept it?" — He asked, looking down at your leg, which was in the region of his hips, and felt, deliciously, you pressing yourself against him; Sato's smile grew even wider due to the fact that you only had the blanket stuck to your bodies. — "Good morning to you too, kitten."

He considered some sleepy, boring mumbles and grunts that came out of your mouth as a response, and found it adorable; bringing his lips to your forehead, kissing it, while stroking your hair. — Taking care of his girl with delicacy and gentleness. — And more melodic hums were made by you.

You couldn't stop that familiar and delightful tingling between your legs, and soon you was clumsily rubbing yourself against Kenji's hips, — who didn't fail to find your morning boner fascinating and hungry — without a hint of shame.

"I see someone…" — A sensual laugh vibrated in your temple. — "…woke up very well." — He added, feeling a lump in his throat, unable to contain his shaky breath. — "No?" — Your hand snaked over Kenji's athletic chest, a line of coldness crossed his skin, caused by the ring you had on your finger; your engagement ring.

Not knowing how to resist, and never could, your movements, the painful, throbbing sensation began to burn, sharply, Kenji's dick, showing the large bulge developed in the blanket; he was already starting to feel needier than usual, wanting to fit his face into your neck and dive into your pussy.

Just thinking about being inside you makes Sato's breathing become a panting mess, not wanting or admitting to waste another second.

"I always wake up right next to you, Kenji." — You replied, lifting your head, directing your lips to the eldest's shoulder, trailing kisses across his skin; showing affection. — "Always." — The little kisses went up to his collarbone, your warm hands remained on his chest.

During the small movement between the sheets, caused by you, part of your boobs were exposed and shivering as they hit Kenji's skin; he didn't wait and anxiously felt the beak of one of them, squeezing it with a certain and frank force. — Drawing a sigh from you and making the player bite his lip, like prey. — The damn man liked doing that.

Sato was, indisputably, diabolical, the most arrogant and delighting provocation to ever stand before you.

“Come here, come.” — He asked in a whisper, cunning and with eyes clouded with desire, looking at every point of your face and eyes, running his tongue over his lips, leaving them wet and, faintly, shiny; waiting to be responded to, which didn't take long. — "Pretty girl."

Yours lips, eagerly, came together in a sinful, appetizing and wet kiss; Kenji's sharp tongue rubbed and caressed your, wanting to taste your mouth, as if it were the first time. — Sometimes causing a shock of contact between your teeth and his, nothing could stop you. — Moans, coming from you, delighting in his mouth, were muffled and made Sato smile bewildered.

Kenji felt, even so apprehensive and focused on your mouth, his body being touched, covered by your hands, and, lightly, your nails scraped his skin, desperate to touch him. — He couldn't help but find it cute and naive the way your hand moved to the back of his neck, shocking your bodies even more. — Feeling himself throbbing more and more.

You would be the death of Kenji Sato. — That was another certainty that covered his mind.

Moaning during the mediocre fraction of a second in which your lips disconnected, feeling an emptiness, you came across thin and fragile strands of spit slowly breaking and you vibrated when you heard Sato's smug laugh; his eyes surrounded your mouth, wanting it again. — He smiled, forming a pretentious and ambitious expression as he brought his thumb to your chin, holding it.

"Ride me like a good girl," — Sato clicks his tongue, incoherent. — "my good girl." — Aa words, referring with a hint of possessiveness and premise, made your pussy throb with exultation. — "Please, huh?" — Your lover pouted, almost sounding mocking but not hiding the need he burned for you.

He didn't need to say it twice, he knew there would be no need, even though he saw some clouds of pleasure, leaving you completely at the mercy of the excitement, leaving you beautiful head. — And, also, it wasn't long before your legs were around Kenji's hips, grabbing them with the limited strength you had; abandoning the silky, white sheet somewhere on the mattress.

Settling down, adjusting his posture on the soft, padded pillow, hoping for a good view, Kenji couldn't help but adore the image before his eyes; you were deliciously mounted on him and comfortable on his lap, in your honored place and feeling deified. — It seemed like an inexplicable, surreal and reprehensible scene, it could be the taste of the paradise they prophesied. — No, you were Sato's own, true and only paradise.

Your body surrendered to him, precise movements, with a moderate, almost weak strength and still clouded with sleep, against the young prodigy's hips, feeling his entire length sink, preciously, into your sticky and hot walls; never getting used to the way you was filled by Kenji, — and, wanting, dirty, at no point to get used to it. — leaving you more stimulated. — When you felt him completely, your lips opened, moaning harmoniously and delightfully, attracting panting sighs in the name of your lover.

And, with your boobs, delicious and juicy boobs, exposed, wide open, which, according to your movements, swayed and shivered in front of Kenji, wanting to devour them with desire and modesty. — And not tolerating losing the delicious vision, he preferred to remain where he was; but, he didn't hesitate in sliding his hand towards one of them and squeezing it, now, tightly.

"Ken..ji." — You moaned, whimpered, moving your hand towards his, which held your nipple, unbearably, sensitive with his calloused fingers. — "Fuck-k!" — You sobbed, threatening to release tears from feeling all that pleasurable pressure in your system; and, feeling the lack of sustenance, with the other hand, you moved across Kenji's chest. — "Ken, Kenji..."

"Is it good, my love?" — He says, removing his hand from your boob and repositioning it on your waist, guiding your movements, noticing your almost exhausted rhythm, poor thing. — "Fucking good, huh?" — He growled when he noticed a sudden tightness in his cock; your pussy choked and sucked him, divinely, well. — "O-oh, look what we have here." — He laughed, digging his short nails into your flesh.

The sharp, thin lamentations and melodic moans vociferated in Sato's ears sounded like masterful music, stirring him with every descent and ascent that you made in his lap; also mentioning the wet, filthy melody that your pussy made while swallowing his cock. — Such a greedy, hungry, desperate little thing for every inch of him.

"Keep it up, kitten." — He swore, quickly guiding your hips and showed a satisfied and happy smile when he saw that you responded to his orders, winking shamelessly in your direction. — "I love filling this pussy, fuck…" — He breathed deeply, shaking with another grip on his dick. — "with my cum in the morning." — Listening to Kenji's filthy words was a sin.

It was blasphemous, unacceptable to be able to tolerate, endure, for so long, all that excitement, — all that infernal provocation coming from your man — and adequately endure the stings that reached, perfectly, your sensitive and delicate spot, which only Kenji knew how to reach. — And he took advantage of that.

With incandescent, burning pleasure replacing all sensations, reactions of your body, finally, that nervous, tingling thread, trapped in your stomach, breaks free; accompanied by a tearful and disoriented scream, crying out for Sato, coming out of your mouth. — Cumming on his cock, having some spasms around it, you feel weak, about to become weak. — Like a pathetic little doll.

"Baby." — Hot, delicious jets of sperm painted your inner walls, taking him to the limit, as always; cumming inside you, Kenji filled you, leaving you satisfied, sated and fulfilled. — Having the impression that, still sitting on his lap, you was leaking yours mixed releases, causing an appetizing mess. — "Holy shit." — Ken moaned softly, smiling bewildered and drunk for you.

Tilting your head to the side, merely acting in a naive and harmless way, still with a look of tiredness and exhaustion, a thin and innocent smile tugged at the corner of your lips; making you even more adorable, captivating.

"Good morning to you too, Ken."

Yeah, in fact, you were Kenji Sato's main weakness.

[kingdom-carer]

How to regress when you’ve literally never done it and you have no idea what to expect (or it’s been a while)

*turns around in chair like Captain America* so ……. you wanna be tiny.

Awesome! :D

Voluntary regression, when done intentionally, can be immensely fun and healing. Let’s get you set up for success.

Step 1: Set Your Goals

Your goal should never be “to regress” - it may not happen. You may spend all of your time just age dreaming (acting small with your big brain still in). You need to be okay with that.

The reason you’re regressing isn’t the same as your goal. “Because I’m traumatized,” “for fun,” and “for chronic pain” are all valid reasons, but they don’t provide you with the framework for healing that we’re looking for.

Here are some specific, achievable goals:

“I want to relax and have uninterrupted fun after a long day.”

“I want to reparent my inner child through affirmation work, gentle parenting, and rules for self-care.”

“I want to work through trauma I’ve experienced through play so I can experiment with new outcomes for tough situations.”

“I want to complete easy tasks/assignments to give myself a sense of pride and accomplishment.”

“I want to allow myself to trust and be cared for in a way that I am usually resistant to.”

“I want to allow Jesus to speak to me when I feel most vulnerable and receptive to His kindness.”

“I want to improve my self/care habits by making them fun and digestible.”

“I want to revisit childhood/deep-rooted fears so I can work through them with effective coping mechanisms, like journaling.”

Step 2: Selecting Your Tools

Here, you might have seen lists of things that people like to use when they’re little, but rarely do they explain why they like to use them. These lists also may not resonate with older or alternative regressors.

So instead, I will give you categories of things that I believe are relevant to regression, and you fill decide what satisfies it best for you.

Something to wear: do you have clothing that is easy and comfortable to move around in, makes you feel good to wear, and/or gives you sensory input you crave?

Something to watch: do you know of a show, movie, or YouTube channel that holds good memories for you? Is there one out there that piques your interest? It doesn’t have to be “kid-friendly,” but its effect should be comfort and peace, not intellectual or emotional strain. We are not looking for challenge - that is for developing your grownup brain. Many regressors prefer kids media for this reason.

Something to do (with your hands): Stimulating senses other than sight is vital for grounding, especially in today’s online world … and, considering the nature of the work we are doing, you may need it. Painting, sensory sand, going to the beach, swimming, making music, woodworking, crocheting, polymer clay, diamond painting, puzzles, coloring books, and more can all bring out your inner child. Again, we are looking for joy, not challenge; perhaps your local dollar store has a craft kit!

Something to read: are you a scientist who loves learning about animals? A horror fan who loves spooky tales? Do you remember a series from your childhood that brought you joy? Reading is a great way to escape into a simpler world and evade screens, especially if it’s crafted without profanity or triggering subjects. Children’s books may also minister to you in ways that adults failed, such as teaching emotional regulation, socialization, and how to fight common fears.

Something to hold: plushies have been proven to be beneficial for mental health, but a companion doesn’t have to be stuffed! Action figures, dolls, and other friends can be thrifted, bought, or dug up from closets. They provide sounding boards for scary thoughts that get less scary when said aloud, companionship during play, travel, or sleep, and serve as willing recipients of your creative outputs (bracelets, clothing, drawings, etc). And, when you need a hug, your favorite toy can be right there with you in the absence of a human friend.

Something to nibble: food is fuel for the body, but it is also love. Choose foods that are nutritious and fun, just like you’d give a child. My personal faves are Slim Jim’s, pepperoni, berries, nuts, dairy, and veggies with dip. Treats are great too, but spend your tummy bank on nutritionally valuable food first! Regressors also find fun in experimenting with different vessels for food and drinks, like crazy straws, bottles, ZooPals plates, or character dining sets.

Something to play with: ‘play’ has many definitions and types. Below is a short list of types of play. No matter if you like toys or not, gather objects or activities that encourage play.

Symbolic play - using one object to represent another (i.e. a flower becomes a wand - try blocks or play scarves)

Locomotor play - moving play (try roller skates, online exercises/dance classes, or small exercise trampolines)

Creative play - invoking a desired or experimental outcome (try Legos and art supplies)

Deep play and rough-and-tumble play - play that involves bodily risk and movement (try hiking, rock climbing, or swimming)

Dramatic play - orchestrating play without personal involvement (“setting up” elaborate scenes with toys was a big part of my childhood play! Try small toys and accessories like Calico Critters, stuffed animals, or dolls)

Exploratory play - play to gain information (try boxed or homemade science experiments, or simply asking, “I wonder what happens if I …?”)

Fantasy and imaginative play - playing in a way that is unlikely to occur in real life and/or the rules have changed (try dressing up to be a superhero, royalty, animal, etc)

Mastery play - bringing a task to completion (build a campfire, dig holes in sand to fill with water, complete a video game level, etc)

Object play - manipulating objects to learn more about them (common in developing babies and autistic stimming; try fidget toys)

Socio-dramatic play - taking on a role that involves social interaction (I.e. playing house or doctor)

Somewhere to go: novelty can be hugely effective in delighting your inner child. Try hanging out in the backyard, going to a park/museum/aquarium, taking yourself on a “little” shopping spree with a set budget, going to a theme park/state fair, or checking out kids media from your local library. Since you are exiting your safe space, you must be mindful of those around you. This is why I usually recommend this to those who know they will only be age dreaming, unless they are completely alone. For your safety, please do not involve anyone who has not consented in your regression.

Something to see: if you can, decorate your safe space or a portion of your safe space in a way that makes your inner child happy. Try changing your phone wallpaper, collecting figures, displaying stuffies on your bed, putting up wall stickers or drawings you’ve made, or changing your bed sheets.

A note on pacifiers: pacis made for adults are a great way to abate thumb-sucking and unhealthy oral stims. They will shift your teeth only if you use them excessively; try limiting use to an hour at a time, and always wear your retainer if you have one. If you feel pain, stop. Disassemble and clean immediately after use.

A note on diapers: I personally do not use diapers because I don’t want or need them, but should you choose differently, there are lots of creators who have more information on them. Most importantly, they are not shameful.

Step 3: Meeting Your Inner Child

How do you know when you’ve regressed?

When play takes over.

When you find yourself fully engaged in what’s in front of you, finding captivation in the simplest things, you are regressed. It isn’t some magical transformation - you’re just revising a part of you that has always been there, latent. It is an unlocking of childhood whimsy … a state of being easily awed.

Thoughts may simplify; adult reasoning for comfort objects may reduce to a petulant mine. Anxious spirals may be replaced by a simple mama, I’m scared. Thoughtful analyses of character arcs and subplots may sound more like yay, ponies!

If you have an internal monologue, it may disappear, replaced with more primal emotions like “angry” or “scared” or “happy” or “calm.” There have been many times that my husband has asked little me what’s wrong, but instead of words, only sobs make it out of my mouth. Then, when he holds me, a warmth I can’t name fills my chest and makes me sleepy.

What is your inner child like? Are they more or less …

Sensitive?

Chatty?

Energetic?

Creative?

Impulsive?

Experimental?

Outspoken?

Stubborn?

Relaxed?

Giggly?

Curious?

Focused?

Defiant?

Angry?

Expressive?

Your inner child, like all children, is subject to fits and flights of fancy. This is normal! Love them as you would love a normal child.

Step Four: Caring For The Bunchkin

Since our goal is not to regress, we have the freedom to take a third-person point of view while we are in our safe space, check in on ourselves, and see how we are doing.

If your goal is to heal, take things slow. Choose one activity at a time that allows you to explore your deeper thoughts, and allow ample room for fun and relaxation.

Instead of focusing on your trauma and hurt, start by asking yourself - “what are my deepest desires? What am I lacking? What is important to me? What can I give myself that I did not receive?”

Kids’ “About Me” worksheets are a great place to start, since there are no wrong answers. As you get more comfortable being small, try making or completing worksheets that ask the weightier questions.

Caring for with your inner child can be as simple as imagining them like another person. For example:

If you are shameful of your desire to connect with an old fandom, ask yourself why that might be. Did someone tell you that it was shameful? Did you have a bad experience in that fandom? Were you at a turbulent point of your life? What might you say to a child experiencing these emotions now?

If you are reluctant to make noise or take up space, ask yourself why. Did someone tell you that you were ‘too much?’ Were you afraid to be judged? Did someone punish you for getting in their way? What would you say to a child afraid to take up space in your presence?

If you are distressed at the idea of stimming openly while small, ask yourself why. Did someone - or life experience - teach you to mask? Are you afraid of being judged as a “faker?” Are you afraid of looking or feeling incapable in some way? What would you say to a child who is afraid to stim?

If you are upset with yourself for reacting to a trigger, ask yourself why. Do you feel like you should be more healed, or more in control of yourself? Are you afraid of slipping back towards a state you used to be in? Are you afraid of re-experiencing trauma?

What would you say and do for a child who struggles with a trigger?

Showing your little self compassion and modeling joy from an adult headspace is vital. Don’t say anything to your inner child that you wouldn’t say to an actual child.

You may not be quite ready to believe the healing truths you have learned when you are big, but putting them into practice when you are small is a great way to soothe yourself from the inside out.

(I filled up my star chart by making my bed each day! Good job, me! I worked so hard, and now I get a treat!)

(I did a drawing all by myself! I can put it on my fridge now. Wow, I’m so glad I made something today.)

(I went outside, and there are so many cool things to see! What an awesome world I live in.)

Healing can be tough, but it’s so fantastic. It all starts with being kind to yourself. You can do it!

Step 5 - Putting Out Fires

Oh dear, something went wrong, and now a tantrum is afoot. Or a meltdown. Or a flashback. What do we do?

Hold up your fingers like birthday candles and blow them out to encourage deep breathing.

Play a song that makes you feel good, and dance if you can. Physical movement is your best antidote.

Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste.

Repeat your affirmations aloud. There is power in hearing something that isn’t your own mental hurricane. “I am loved, I am safe, I am going to be okay.”

Assign the trigger to a stuffie (don’t worry, they are willing participants!). Say, “hey, wait a minute, why should you be in charge? These are MY thoughts! Take that! And that! And that!” Toss your stuffie around and get those crazy thoughts away from both of you!

Assign the trigger to a stuffie, and pretend they are you. What would you say to calm them down and tell them you are here for them?

Get a change of scenery. Go outside, go somewhere else, take a shower or bubble bath.

Scribble your feelings on paper. No, really, go ham. Break some crayons. Then crumple them, tear them, and throw them away.

Most importantly - don’t be mad at yourself.

The debrief - what can we do for next time?

Handle triggers with care, but don’t be afraid of the feelings that accompany them. There is an unmet need somewhere in your soul - what is it, and how can you meet it?

Journaling and affirmations - record what happened and why you think it happened, and then write kind things to and about yourself.

“Do it scared” - push past the lies you have been told about yourself and enjoy things anyway.

I am a Christian, and I live by the phrase: “if it isn’t your reality, make it your prayer.” Even if you don’t believe now that you are safe, loved, and capable, saying these things to yourself constantly will help them be realized.

Obviously, avoiding negative language about yourself in your adult life is the other half of the pizza. Your inner child is doing work for adult you, too! Don’t undermine it!

The Wrap Up

Well, Kiddo, I’m so glad you’re taking this step in your healing journey. A few things to remember before you go:

You may grow out of regression! That’s good! It’s a sign that your inner child is happy and content.

You may never grow out of regression. That’s okay! Your inner child can get love all your life!

Your regression is your business. You don’t have to tell anyone about it if you don’t want to. Choose who you tell very carefully.

Ignore the haters. You’re doing great.

Bye, Kiddo! You are so loved!! 🥰

[drchucktingle]

space raptor butt experiment

when conservative ideas are put to the test they basically always fail. specifically ruminating on how very early in my career conservative goofs tried to force me into an award for ONE specific reason: irony. in their mind, as a queer artist, i OBVIOUSLY didnt belong there

that is premise RABID PUPPIES had at hugo awards, that CHUCK TINGLE was least likely person to be taken seriously and therefore would delegitimize something serious. to them it was unfathomable that i could be making REAL art because i was too strange, queer, and UNTRADITIONAL

conservatives in literary space believe TRADITIONAL is RIGHT and everything else is distraction. now we have a literal TEST OF THIS THEORY. they GOT TO PICK THEIR FIGHTER in the arena, to see my art and whisper amongst themselves 'this is epitome of progressive artistic failure'

this test has been running for nearly ten years now, not in a lab but ON THIS TIMELINE OF REALITY. and look at the results, look how much tinglers resonate, how many buckaroos have gathered to support my art. CAMP DAMASCUS was a best seller. BURY YOUR GAYS COMIN IN HOT

this is not a moment to just sit around and pat myself on the back, but i think it is worth recognizing something. RABID PUPPIES and all of those conservative literary goofs were unequivocally WRONG about me and my art. because they are philosophically wrong about EVERYTHING

they have joined a long line of lonesome whining goofs who will say ‘let the market decide’ and when the market decides that their work is slop they will CONVENIENTLY forget what they initially stood for. more sad lonely devils moaning in their basements while we trot in the sun

i will end this observation with this: THANK YOU for being a part of this experiment with me, for seeing my unique expression and trotting along beside me. for as much as i have proven love to you on this path, YOU HAVE PROVEN LOVE TO ME. HERES TO TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE

[fiddleyoumust]

Let’s talk about queerness and High School Frenemy. There’s a large portion of BL fandom that refuses to engage with the show, and while that rubs me the wrong way, I do understand it. If you only wish to consume queer media, it’s easy to dismiss HSF since it is not explicitly queer. It’s also a show that on a surface level, looks like classic queerbaiting. And before I get a bunch of HSF fans in the tags or comments, I am a huge fan of this show. It is possibly the best thing I’ve watched all year. But on a surface level, it is doing the literal definition of queerbaiting even if I personally do not think it is. 

As a person who is OLD and came of age in the 90s, I do want to talk about this show from a queer perspective. I grew up in a time when queer characters were not abundant. If they did show up in media, it was newsworthy. These characters were always support characters and seldom had love interests or explored what it was like to be queer. None of them looked like me or made me feel seen or represented. Heteronormativity was the standard, as it is today, but back then, a queer kid seldom encountered anything that made them question that heteronormativity. 

HSF, and Shin and Saint specifically, resonate with me more than most queer media I’ve consumed, and I’ve consumed a lot. The intense, obsessive love that Shin and Saint have for each other under the guise of friendship IS my story. For me, it was a wild girl named Jennifer, who I was attached to the hip with from 6th grade until our early twenties. I loved her. I was obsessed with her. I was probably in love with her, but it never occurred to me until years after we’d stopped speaking that what I felt for her was more than friendship. The heteronormative brainworms are real, and they infected me until my late 20s when I suddenly had a revelation about myself. 

Hindsight is 20/20. Suddenly, my obsession with Charlize Theron in Two Days In The Valley, Helen Hunt in Twister (1996), and Kate Winslet in Titanic made so much sense. My relationship with Jennifer was also at the forefront of my mind. Ah, I thought. That’s what that was.

HSF is a show about friendship, a show about community, a show about the ways adults fail their children, a show about class and poverty. It is also a show about unrealized queerness. The director, Fon, told that story purposefully through music, lighting, and dialogue, she told a story about two boys who can’t live without each other, but don’t have the knowledge, the vocabulary, or the self-awareness to understand what they are to each other.

In every choice Fon made, she dangled queerness without explicitly naming it. I would call it queerbaiting in any other media,  but for me, she made one other choice that I believe is purposeful and elevates this show into the queer category for me. She completely stripped the show of heteronormativity. There are no couples. None. We never see Chatjen’s parents. Any parents we do see are single - Ken’s father, Shin’s mother, Saint’s father, Cable’s mother.

In any other media, the male and female homeroom teachers with clashing teaching styles would  be an enemies-to-lovers side plot. Here, they grow into supportive co-workers and friends who become better versions of themselves to help the children in their class. In any other media, there would be talk of crushes among the teenagers. Here, we see them grapple with the pressures of academia, abusive or absentee parents, bullying, drugs, and the hopelessness of poverty. In fact, the only mention of sexuality or romance at all comes from Eve, a girl who befriends Airy, a girl from their rival school, and confesses that she had a crush on her when she was younger. Nothing comes of this revelation, even though we see Airy become curious and seek out Eve’s company prior to this revelation, and we see how pleased Airy is about Eve’s confession. But this is a show about unrealized queerness and even Eve and Airy, two girls who understand what they are feeling for one another, still can’t bring themselves to name it.

The lack of heterosexuality creates a void that is filled by Shin and Saint’s relationship. It’s purposeful, and Director Fon uses other friendships in the show to highlight the ways Shin and Saint are not the same. Knot, Nate, and Ken are extremely close friends. They, too, have a “no one left behind” friendship pact. They fight for each other and get hurt for each other and very obviously love each other. Chatjen and Shin’s friendship is also very deep. Chatjen considers Shin his best friend. He hero worships him a bit and sees him as his protector and savior. Yet, anyone watching can understand the ways the producers use music, lighting, costuming, and dialogue to elevate Shin and Saint’s relationship above all the other ones. 

High School Frenemy is queer. Shin and Saint are purposefully queer coded in a world devoid of heterosexuality. You are seeing what you are supposed to see, and it's a hill I’ll die on. If you were on the fence about this show, I can not recommend it enough. It’s great and will leave you feeling warm and happy and loved. If you only consume explicitly queer media, I still encourage you to watch it. Sometimes, our queerness eludes us. Sometimes it’s hidden under other words like “friendship” because we haven’t learned the right words for it yet. I enjoyed watching a show that reminded me of my youth and gave me a glimpse of the girl I used to be. She was still queer even if she didn't know it yet.

[conanssummerchild]

a lot of the time it kinda feels like jess's storyline is too dark for gilmore girls, so it's always There but it's never reaaally adressed or gone in depth into, which is fine because that's what fanfiction is for but it frustrates me that people take what they see on the show at face value and don't read into the subtext (i've been told i dive too deep into the subtext, but i'd rather that than to not dive at all. to stay on the shore. lame)

additionally, jess is portrayed a certain way on the show (angry, rebellious) which i love about him because i crave that specific flavour of traumatised characters in media (so i can project) but some people don't seem to link his backstory to his current way of being. i'm not saying that his actions should be excused because of his past, but i wish he could get a little more understanding, from the other characters (mostly luke, who treats him better than anyone else but fails to actually understand his trauma-- by no fault of luke's own, he's just a little out of his depth) and from the viewers. i see people talking about it as if jess's character was just like:

"oh this kid's loser dad walked out on him as soon as he was born, which obviously had no effect on him, he had no father figure unless you want to count the men who continuously entered and just as quickly dissapeared from his and his mother's life, his mum also drank copiously-- again, none of this must've had any effect on this kid's life. his mum then very resonably gave up on him because he fucking sucks for no reason, and sent him away. leather jacket wearing bad boy"

when it's more like jess was raised by a single mother (who had him very young), she was an addict and jess was raised in a life of instability and neglect due to this, financial problems and his mother's boyfriends, he begins to act out becuase of it and gets sent to an unfamilliar town to live with his uncle who is essentially a stranger. all of these experiences from such a young age obviously affected jess's mental state and ability to form relationships with other people deeply. this, again, doesn't excuse a lot of his actions but i think it does explain at least some of them

it also doesn't help that the show revolves so much around rory (obviously, it's called gilmore girls, not the jess mariano show) which causes jess's actions to be linked to rory in a way that gets ridiculous at some point. like jess coming back because luke stole his car and luke telling him to stay away from rory. you mean this teenager (who luke, his first relatively stable parental figure, not too long ago kicked out) flunked out of high school, met his deadbeat dad for the first time in 18 years and was promptly rejected by him and is about to spend a freezing cold night sleeping in his car, but of course he's here for rory. be for real

i love jess and i'm happy with how most of his storylines panned out but i always yearn for a little more. an acknowledgement of why he may be reluctant to let liz back into his life, him and lorelai having an actual conversation where she tries to actually understand his experiences not assume she does because of her own, luke being a little gentler with jess sometimes, an explanation of what happened while jess was away that suddenly made him so emotionally mature and well adjusted. idk, just something that's been on my mind

[divine-crows]

🎨✨️Art Magic✨️🎨

Uses, Forms of it, and Why I Think Everyone Should Try it at Least Once.

Foreword

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had been trying and failing to rekindle my flame for magic work. No matter what I tried to do I just couldn't get back into my studies and I was reaching a point where I was convinced I lost my spark and was doomed to live an empty life. Then it all changed when a YouTube Channel challenged how I thought about everything: Molly Roberts. That's when I was opened to the possibility of art magic, and I'll now share my love of it with anyone willing to read on.

What Is Art Magic?

A means to utilize art for spellwork, raising magical energy, or for exploring your magical subconscious. It encapsulates multiple different types of art and is generally not confined by conventional expectation (unless that's what you prefer).

You can utilize art magic by. . .

Using traditional art methods

Digital art methods

Collages

Music composition

Jewelry making

Embroidery

And much more!

How do I know if Art Magic is Suitable for Me?

There isn't a specific thing that'll indicate this form of magic is perfect for you, however I have some anecdotes from my personal experience as both a witch, and a regular artist that form a sort of idea on what could denote this being perfect for you!

First off, craving freedom from personal restraints was a big factor that pushed me towards blending my craft with my passion for art. If you want to run from the monotony of life, if you feel trapped by the social construction of boxes, or if you simply want to challenge your own mental restraints... then this idea might resonate with you.

Challenging yourself with a new form of magic, similarly, can also be a good enough reason to try. I'm the type of person who loves to constantly learn new things and I unfortunately get bored really quickly if I can't get new source materials. Using Art Magic has proven a fun challenge for me that allows me to explore a lot more topics you can't just open a book to find.

For those that may not be able to safely perform a lot of traditional style spells, this form of magic provides a discreet way to practice witchcraft. Most people wouldn't really question someone if they picked up the hobby of making art, and even if they did there's plenty of reasonable excuses out there.

How you prefer your spells to manifest themselves can also affect if this journey is a good idea or not. I find that Art Magic is really good when it comes to subtle spellwork that is more longform (though depending on how you construct them you can definitely create a spell that's the opposite).

Catalog aspects of your magical journey. Imagine a grimoire filled with pages of drawings, each one telling a story of something you experienced or learned as a witch. This especially may be more beneficial for visual learners.

You could use it as a means of meditation, sometimes art can be calming and it can open the door to your mind (so-to-speak). Especially if you're like me and struggle with staying completely still while trying to clear your mind, this may be helpful for you.

Trying to better understand archetypes, deities, types of entities, or even your own self can also be a big part of this. I've used art magic as a way to embody the "energy" of something before so I could better understand it. Especially when you're trying to seek knowledge that isn't often written on, it can provide a great way to explore more.

How Can I perform an Art Spell?

I have a step-by-step process that can give you some insight on how you may approach it:

1) Think of the intention you want. I like to close my eyes and meditate on it for about a minute then I write down if my mind wandered to any specific imagery or ideas.

2) Think of visual symbolism and colors that can help you capture the mood you want. Perhaps you need a warm color palette to invoke positive feelings, or maybe there are specific objects or animals you can include on the composition that represent something.

3) If you feel it fits your composition, you can include sigils, symbols of significance, and include shapes that have certain associations. It doesn't even have to be obvious either. You can use a circular composition to convey something endless for example, or a triangular composition to show priority over something.

4) In general follow what your heart tells you. This is a little cliche, but ultimately follow what seems best to you. Art isn't about boxing yourself in and my guidelines are just general ideas for anyone who's lost!

Why do I think that everyone should try it at least once?

From my experiences as a witch, I find that a lot of paths to be followed are quite rigid. By no means am I implying that a rigid structure is bad-- it creates a foundation from which we can work upon. I myself am exploring rigid, 'traditional' (for lack of a better term) ways of working magic. Art magic pushes you out of your comfort zone in a safe way. It makes you consider how you associate things. It makes you create new sigils and makes you research new symbols you previously wouldn't have used.

So next time you're lost on a spell, or you've lost your way in your Craft and you don't know what to do, think about maybe giving Art Magic a try. I hope my guide was a helpful starting point for anyone interested in the topic!

[intuitively-her]

Pile 1)- This is someone that you've closed a cycle with. This person feels like they fumbled so badly with you. I feel like this person was more focused on money, so they put you on the backburner a lot. You are EVERYTHING that this person wants. They didn't realize what they had until it was too late tho. This person wants to start over with you. I feel like they're literally feening for you to come back.🤣 They're like, "I need to talk to him/her NOWWW👹". Lmfao. Especially if you have this person blocked or you left them on delivered. They will find a way to contact you even if they're blocked. My advice: don't let them back in so easily. make them work for it.💋

Pile 2)- Mutiple people have their eye on you right now.🤭 Firstly, I'm picking up on someone from your community. This is someone that you see pretty often. This could be a co-worker, classmate, neighbor, etc. For someone specific, you may see this person at your local grocery store a lot. You make this person soooo nervous. They might stutter when talking to you lol. I don't see this person coming towards you anytime soon tho. They think that you're out of their league, so they just prefer to admire you from afar for now. The other energy that I'm picking up on is someone that helped you work through something or came to your defense in a situation. This part will only resonate for a few of you. This person could be a doctor/therapist/ or work in law enforcement. This is someone that you've known for a while. This person could be apart of your friend group or they're just a mutual of yours. They have watched you go through a glow-up and transform. They love this new you.😍

Pile 3)- This is an ex fling/sneaky link. You know that this person is not good for you AT ALL. This person was non-committal af. Ewww I don't like their energy. This person is a f*cking DOG, and they don't try to hide it either. This person brought a lot of unnecessary chaos around you. They definitely had you in 3rd party situations. I wouldn't be surprised if their other partners knew about you as well. They were very messy with their affairs. It makes me think of that movie "John Tucker Must Die". This person is exactly like that lmao. They may have asked you for a 3sum in the past, or they would flirt shamelessly with others in front of you. A real piece of 💩. My advice: NEVER let them back into your energy. They never deserved you.

Pile 4)- This is someone that you're trying to move on from. You may be giving them the silent treatment right now. I feel like this person breadcrumbed you A LOT and failed to give this connection any effort. They were more focused on making money. You should also know that this person is still dealing with another connection that they are trying to close out. This person recently made a judgement call about you. They feel silly now that they wasted so much time and basically lost their shot at ever having a real relationship with you. My advice: trust your intuition when it comes to this person/situation.

*ONLY TAKE WHAT RESONATES*

💖Please DO NOT copy, repost, or steal my work. Thanks!💖

[natalyarose]

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓪 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓭 - 𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒮𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉 𝒲𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒜𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 (𝑜𝓇 𝒶) 𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓃𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃…♡🪽

This reading is likely going to lean towards romantic themes, but there may be messages regardless- we'll see! Pick the picture you feel most drawn to. It can help to close your eyes & visualise purple to connect with your intuitive sense & pick the 'right one'. Since this is a reading intended to reach many people, discretion is advised but I trust that who is meant to find it will. If you are looking for a more specific message, I do offer personal readings (peep my pinned post).

Let's get into it! 💞

edit: these readings ended up being verryyy hyper-specific so I'm not sure how many people will actually end up resonating with them, but I suppose there will likely be at least a message or 2 to take with you either way if this is where spirit has lead you. If nothing did resonate, that's totally okay!

Group 1 ~ 7 of Wands, the Hierophant, the Hermit

~channelled messages

'is this really what you want?'

'trying to keep the peace'

'a charade'

'rushed to the altar' (likely a metaphor)

This may be very specific, I was trying to brainstorm as many possible interpretations as I could.

For this group I'm seeing an energy where there is a person who is in a relationship or pursuing a relationship with someone solely because culturally/societally it is what is expected of them or what has been planned/seeds that have been sown since childhood. Even being rushed into marriage. There is a feeling of being trapped, 'I don't wanna do this'. For some this is the classic scenario of older family members pushing you to get married and/or start a family before you're truly ready.

For others, this is somebody holding onto a current relationship or an ex solely because you honour the commitment and feel under pressure to keep the 'charade' going, but really you are not happy and either have outgrown this connection entirely, or never were totally compatible in the first place. For some, you may be in the 'talking stage' with someone. You may genuinely like them, but feel socially pressured to rush into a commitment.

It definitely seems like if this is your group, you'll know about it because there seems to be a very conscious sense of friction about it all.. like you're grinning and baring it, but really you're gritting your teeth and frustrated. It could be all internal, but from what I'm feeling it definitely seems like there are other people involved and they're veryy 'in your face' about it.

You could be dating someone or agreeing to something just to get others off your back, when in reality you need more time to figure out what you truly want & what happiness looks like for you.

Whatever it is, I'm definitely feeling an array of situations with these themes for this group, but the message here is to not feel guilty about taking a time out. Distance yourself from these pressuring people/energies, and truly take the time to understand what you truly desire. Don't let anybody emotionally bully you into something you don't truly want. There is no shame in taking a different path, and trust that the path you feel most drawn to is the one that is meant for you.

Not all of us are born to fit the mold we were born into and taught, and it's time you stop trying to appease these external people 💟

Group 2 ~ King of Cups, 2 of Swords, 6 of Wands Rx

channelled messages~

'I wasted my opportunity'

'I'm not proud of what i've done'

'I want to make things right'

Group 2, I'm seeing a person who feels that they really did wrong by you. They feel like they've failed you. They're really not proud of it, and they're thinking about the situation a lot. They may be withdrawing their energy from you/distant from you, but it's because they're embarrassed and think you want nothing to do with them (and that might be true). I'm picking up on a looot of embarrassment, a lot of shame over a bad decision they made. They may have been deceptive about something too. Once again, much like the previous pile, I think if this is your group you'll know about it, you likely know who this is & it does feel fairly recent. For some it's more recent than for others- no more than 5 years ago likely. This person is reaaaally in their feelings about it and so deeply ashamed of themselves. Whatever they did to you, feels to them like a 'fall from grace', like even they thought better of themselves. It's like they wish they could give to you, somehow make things right but they know there's nothing they could do that could make it right.

They see you as very strong and feel it isn't fair that you're baring the burden of whatever it is they've done. I'm not sure they'll admit it or not because again, the sense of embarrassment is extreme, but they are really looking at you and acknowledging that you are 'the better person' and deserved so much more. I think they want to say they're sorry, but they're kinda feeling like words aren't' enough to fix it and they've already shown their character to you so you won't care. Yikes, I'm in this person's energy and it's extremely intense, I feel nauseous... the emotions run deep. They really do care about you, but that doesn't make anything they did to you okay. They are so embarrassed and mad at themselves. I can't specify what this person did because it'd be different for everyone & once again, I think if this message is meant for you you'll know. Whatever they've done completely uprooted a foundation, maybe there was a sense of trust together or loyalty and it's just been totally destroyed. This one might be very specific, but I almost feel like whatever they've done has made them a social pariah or would if it was known to the public.

It definitely feels like you have moved on, it still weighs on your heart but you are very strong and focusing on yourself. The message here is basically that this person is feeling very ashamed of themselves and contemplating their actions, while you''re going on with your life and being the 'bigger person'. Whoever picked this group, if someone has hurt you or wronged you in the past and you've been wondering if they feel any remorse about it, this is a sign that they absolutely do- but I don't feel this means you should reach out to them or go back to them. Again, it does feel fairly fresh and recent.

Just know that you are doing the right thing, you are in a much better place than they are, and this is a huge lesson for them. Keep your head up high and let them feel this shame on their own. For some of you guys it feels like you have a whole new life since this person. Keep doing what you're doing, and I'm hearing 'don't look back'... don't feel bad that this person feels bad. Whatever happened was this person's own karmic lesson. Some of you may be needing to hear this because you may blame yourself for what happened or what this person did to you. Know that what you went through is a testament to your own strength 💟

woo.. that was intense...

Group 3 ~ 8 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, 8 of Swords

channelled messages~

'please don't make me look like a fool'

'going in blind'

'i feel silly around you'

Okay, group 3 is slightly more lighthearted which is nice. There is somebody- if there is a specific person you asked about, it's likely them- who is attracted to you. It's a very romantic energy, like they're literally looking at clouds or the moon and daydreaming about you. It's very sweet. I also see them studying you- but the catch is, they are sooo nervous. It's funny, it's like they're so nervous to the point that they're kinda pissed off both at themselves and at you. Like they're mad that your presence destabilises them so much. They feel very judged by you even though they like you, but in reality it's all in their head? They do want to make a romantic gesture towards you, but they're holding back/staying quiet about it because they're extremelyyy afraid of rejection. Like they're scared to death. I almost feel as though they're getting panic attacks over it ;(

Some of them are acting like they're not interested in you or being snarky with you because they feel so nervous. I think this person has deep insecurities/worries in part because they're placing a lot of value on whether this works out or not. Like this person is in their heads envisioning a whole future with you. It's as though they have almost like a whole meticulous movie in their head.

I do feel like if you were to get into a relationship with this person, it would be really nice at first, but their insecurity issues would play up a lot. I'm sensing a person who doesn't necessarily intend to hurt others, but when they're feeling insecure or embarrassed, they'll hurt someone else or try to make you feel bad to deflect their own feelings. The energy is reminding me of an ex I had- not to make it about myself but just to illustrate the energy I'm getting, here's a storytime~

he took me to the skatepark and he was about to show me all his ~skater trickz~ and impress me, but I think he hadn't done it in a while or something so his skills were rusty, and he started getting really flustered and embarrassed. Suddenly he was trying to pressure me to use the scooter we brought along, and I was like oh no thankyou, I don't feel like that'll end well- but he kept pushing me to do it. I ended up falling over and grazing my knee really badly, and he just laughed at me and kept walking ahead lmao. It was like he was very embarrassed because his plan to initially impress me backfired, so he wanted to make me feel bad too??

Anyway, I don't feel like this person is intentionally malicious but yeah, they definitely have a crush on you and are nervouss. This could just be a warning that maybe at this stage they have some work to do on themselves.

I feel like you are aware of this person. The message is kinda to just sit back, and be in that state of awareness for now. 💟

Group 4 ~ High Priestess, The Star & the 6 of Cups

channelled messages~

'divine timing'

'you will meet again'

'this is more important than you realise'

Ooh- Group 4, one thing I'll say is I'm personally not sure where I stand on soulmates and that type of thing (I believe in them, but I think I'd need to go within and meditate on it a bit to figure out what feels like the 'truth') but this really feels like a soulmate connection. I'm trying to discern the message here, but first and foremost this spread is highlighting a veryy significant connection. If you've been wondering if somebody is your soulmate, or exceptionally spiritually connected to you, or something like that, this is a sign that they are.

I feel like with this connection, you are already aware that it is significant. You may be wondering why this connection feels so intense. This might go over the heads of some/be a bit 'woo', but I do feel like this spread is alluding to someone you have a past life connection to/is in your soul group hence why it feels so strong. I'm not necessarily getting that you're 'meant to be together' or anything like that, because sometimes we do have strong, electric connections with people but aren't necessarily meant to partner up. There is just undoubtedly a very strong spiritual component to this connection that is being highlighted/confirmed to you. If you no longer have contact with this person and often find yourself thinking of them, I do feel this reading is divulging that you will very likely cross paths again with this person some day.

However, I feel like this reading is intended to give you closure more than anything. Whoever this is for, spirit has been seeing you almost be stuck on this person or very mesmerised by their energy (I'm seeing like a black cat in the night staring at something other people can't see and awestruck, like it's seeing a ghost). Spirit wants you to have this information so that you can essentially, move on with your life and focus on your goals a bit better.

You may find this person ends up in your dreams often and all of that kind of thing. You're attracted to them, but beyond that you're genuinely confused about why they keep popping up in your mind/why this feels so heavily significant. This spiritual connection is felt between both of you.

I also feel like this person and the effect they've had on you, is meant to be a catalyst for something else.

In time all of it will come together & make more sense to you, but for now just keep focusing on your goals rather than being transfixed by this connection.

I also feel like outside of this person, trust in divine timing and know that there are some things you should simply leave to the universe rather than trying to understand everything. Hindsight is 20/20 & you'll have it eventually! Enjoy life & focus on your passions now rather than trying to understand it all at once 💟

[malakaie]

had some feelings to write out – for/about @tommyend, no pressure at all to respond

I started watching wrestling – specifically, AEW – in late October 2023. It’s been just over a year since I started watching, and I didn’t expect it to consume as much of my brain-space as it has. When I started watching, I didn’t really know who anyone was. I had heard a few names – Randy Orton, CM Punk, Jade Cargill, Roman Reigns – but had no real concept of the landscape I was entering or what it would mean to get invested.

Truthfully, it was a little overwhelming, and there was more I didn’t understand than I did. In those first few weeks, I received one very helpful piece of advice: don’t try to understand everything. Find a wrestler or two whose vibe you like and stick with them – the rest will click into place eventually, or it won’t, and either way is fine.

And so I did. I think it was around the lead-up to Full Gear 2023 that I started really paying attention. There was something about what House of Black was doing that was different from anything else I was seeing. I could understand just enough to recognise talented athletes when I saw them, but I wasn’t quite plugged in enough to the overall wrestling “ecosystem” that that was enough on its own to get my attention. Now that I understand more of what I’m looking at, it’s easier to understand what I’m meant to be impressed by – it’s easier now to have that moment of, holy shit, how did they do that?

But I didn’t understand yet. I’d been watching wrestling for about a month and was still finding my footing. What I saw, and latched onto, in House of Black was a group of four impressive performers that I could tell were in love with the art of what they were doing. Everything was done with intent – the way they entered the ring, the different but cohesive styles with which each member of the House wrestled, the gear they wore, the ever-evolving paint on Malakai’s face, the evolution and growth of Julia’s character.

It was both the moment that I finally, properly understood that professional wrestling was also theatre—and, I think, the moment that I was magnetised. It felt like a faction that was made for me: a band of storytellers who wanted to take my hand and show me what wrestling could be and was and is, and had the creativity and cohesiveness and physical talent to pull it off.

I could breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t lost anymore, desperately trying to catch up to understanding something that everyone around me already seemed to know. I had a guide of some sort, and one that resonated: I’ve been reading since I was 3, writing stories since I was 11, have always been a little “strange,” drawn to creative types and niche hobbies and other people that don’t have many friends. And here was someone who not only felt like me, sounded like me, but was wanted and loved and succeeding. A stranger to me, in the way that performers and public figures always are, but I felt like it was going to be okay. If Malakai could make it—though I didn’t and don’t know him personally, I had no way of knowing if he was ever afraid, or if he doubted himself—then maybe I could, too.

The more I watched and the more I learned, the more true that became. I’ve been depressed and anxious most of my adult life. I have scoliosis that is likely to get worse as I get older, and causes me pain multiple times a week, if not every day. Hearing someone whose work I admired be open about his mental health—especially when sports industries have typically not been kind to people, perhaps especially men, who are vulnerable in that way—and be honest when he’s in pain shook something loose in me that I hadn’t quite realised was stuck and frozen in shame. It’s okay that I’m afraid. It’s okay that I have days where my brain is trying to consume itself. It’s okay that I’m in pain. Did I get out of bed today? Have I been outside? Have I eaten? Have I done something to be kind to myself—or, failing that, kind to someone else? Have I done something creative today?

I started my “gender journey,” for lack of a better phrase, in 2018. There was a lot, a lot, of messing around with pronouns, labels. I didn’t know what I was, only that “just a girl” didn’t feel quite right anymore. And then I felt like I was lying, because, well—I was fine being a girl when I was ten, and thirteen, and sixteen, so why was it suddenly different at 25? Sometimes I still feel like I’m lying. The generation above me often still holds an image of trans people that requires them to have always been miserable, always been “pretending.” A few months ago my mother suggested it was fine if my idea of being feminine had expanded, but she didn’t really believe I was trans, because I’d never been unhappy as a girl child, and besides that I looked like a “clone” of the small handful of other transmasc and nonbinary people she’s met. I must be a pod person. (Newsflash, mom: This is just what queer people look like, a lot of the time. I cut and dyed my hair and got one singular tattoo. How terrible.)

She didn’t ask me how I feel when people call me she, or her—it makes me feel horribly small and unreal, by now—and in fairness to her, I didn’t quite defend myself either. I cringed and shrunk and asked for time to think about it, when what I wanted to say is yes, I know I haven’t had the history you expect to see from me, but this is who I am, and I’m not telling you that I was never a girl. I’m telling you that girl isn’t the place where I stop.

But I was scared, and I felt cornered, and I didn’t say any of that.

What I did have, though, was an artist and a performer and a storyteller who did things with his expression, his clothing, how he presented himself to the world that was like a lightbulb going on. The confidence of a man who told stories with the way that he looked, and who used feminine symbols to do it. He wasn’t any less masculine—but it was an embracing of both that cemented who he was, and I thought: holy shit. I can do that. Our identities are not the same, and I’m not too keen on speculating about the identities of public figures that I don’t know in any event—but it’s reassuring, motivating even, to be able to regularly see someone comfortably expressing his gender (because, yes, cis presentation is gender expression too) in a way that makes sense to him and incorporates the feminine and resonates through his art without doubt or reservation or compromise. This is who we are. Take it or leave it.

I don’t know what’s coming next for any of us. AEW looks like such a different place—in a good way—from when I started watching, and the world is looking pretty scary these days, but I’m still here. The art that got me interested in wrestling in the first place is still here, and I have my theories—unsubstantiated, so far—about where Malakai and House of Black are taking their story, but regardless of theories I’ve been so fortunate to watch them continue to grow and evolve over the past year. There’s a lot I don’t know, but I know the love for the story and the art is real.

I don’t know you personally, Malakai, and I don’t want to claim to, no matter how many scraps I’ve gathered together from interviews and how much of the backlog of matches I’ve done my best to watch so I can understand where you’ve come from and where you’re going next. But your work and your love for your craft has moved me, and I’m glad I stayed alive when it was hard so I could be around to see it when it mattered.

[theresattrpgforthat]

SYSTEM OVERVIEW: Powered by the Apocalypse (PbtA).

This week I’m taking a break from my regular recommendation posts to talk about some indie ttrpg systems that have gained some well-deserved attention over the years. I’m going to introduce you to how they work, why I like them, and what kinds of games are out there!

Powered by the Apocalypse is often described by its progenitor as a game philosophy more than a game system. If you want to learn about the ins and outs of Vincent Baker’s thoughts on this game philosophy, I recommend looking at his series of blog posts about the system, starting here.

There are a lot of things that can be housed within the family of PbtA games, but a game that advertises itself as Powered by the Apocalypse is probably going to have the following elements.

Moves

To do anything, PbtA games have a list of moves available to the whole party, and then certain moves specific to any given players. When you do something that fits the description of the move, you follow the move’s instructions.

Generally, this involves rolling 2d6 and adding a relevant modifier, somewhere between -1 and +3. The most common source of these modifiers comes from player stats, 3-5 player traits assigned to you during character creation that represent your strengths and weaknesses. These traits might be Cool, Sharp, and Hot, like in Apocalypse World, or Spirit, Wit and Heart, like in Thirsty Sword Lesbians, etc.

Other games use different sources of modifiers. In Apocalypse Keys, you’ll spend Tokens gained by roleplaying according to certain prompts, such as feeling lonely or forgotten. In Patchwork World, your modifiers depend on the moves your character takes. Can you become cats? When you burst into 1d6 cats, roll -CATS. Do you have Bee Resonance? You’ll roll +Stress marked.

Some moves might not even require you to roll dice - maybe you just have to use up a resource, or answer a question before that action happens.

Staggered Successes

PbtA games are not the only games to use this kind of metric, but they’re certainly the most well-known. When you roll dice in these kinds of games, there are generally three different kinds of results you can get: 7-9, 10 and higher, or 6 and below. Usually a 10 or higher allows something spectacular to happen, with a greater amount of narrative control given to the player. A 7-9 is partially successful: the player and GM will likely share narrative control. On a 6 or less, a significant amount of narrative control is given to the GM. 6 or less is usually seen as a turn for the worse, but what that turn looks like is dependant on the game and the genre.

What I like about these results is that regardless of the outcome, the results are meant to be narratively engaging, and push the story forward. Failing to sway the bartender doesn’t stop your plan in its tracks - it leads to the bartender calling forward security, or maybe calling you out on your shit. In a game like Last Fleet, these outcomes push the characters closer and closer to a meltdown. In Urban Shadows 1e, they encourage the characters to deal more intimately with favours and debt. Each outcome should propel you into another fraught situation.

Social Currency.

Having some kind of personal connection to other characters becomes a useful resource in many PbtA games. At the beginning of the game, you’ll answer leading questions that tie you to other characters, in both positive and negative ways. What exactly that personal connection is depends on the game.

In MASKS, your teenage superheroes have Influence over each-other. This Influence is either present, or it isn’t, but when it’s present, it can be spent to encourage other characters to follow your lead or your orders. In Blood Feud, you can look up to or down upon your fellow players, which will change the nature of how you interact with each-other. In Interstitial, you can spend Heart Links to improve your chances of success, adding modifiers to your roll.

I love these mechanics because they encourage the players to engage with each-other - and their interactions don’t have to always be positive either! Monster-Hearts expects your players to be at each-other’s necks just as often as they might be making out, for example.

Character Playbooks

Most, though not all, PbtA games have character playbooks - which may not feel like a novel thing, but it’s a big change for folks who are used to putting their character together from a list of options provided in a rulebook. Character playbooks usually provide all of the options for your specific character type on one page. You don’t choose from a big list: you choose a concept, and then select options from that concept.

Often concepts fill out tropes, such as the Git in Pigsmoke, or the Monstrous in Monster of the Week. These may come with pre-assigned stats, or ask you to assign certain stat values as you like. You’ll also choose playbook-specific moves, describe your character, and take note of special advances or forms of harm that may be incurred as you play. This harm might be physical, but it could just as easily be an emotional state, such as in Voidheart Symphony, where your character could become Angry, Callous or Scared.

What I like about this is that it can streamline character creation. If you’re a first-timer to PbtA you might need some guidance, but you can probably still knock out a character in under an hour. If you’re a veteran, you might be able to put a character together in a few minutes.

Collaborative World-building.

Any given PbtA game is usually inspired by a short list of media or some kind of genre. Brindlewood Bay is inspired by elderly lady detective fiction and eldritch horror. Sunset Kills is inspired by Buffy the Vampire Slayer and similar supernatural-teenager media. However, the specifics of what your group is doing still has to be determined by the group. This means that you’ll have to decide how you met, how you got here, and what the world around you is like.

For some games, like Legacy: Life Among the Ruins, the character choices you’ve made will determine facts about the end-of-the-world you live in. Did you pick titan-slayers? That means there’s titans walking around. Similarly in Comrades, if you pick the Propagandist, you have a newspaper or radio station as part of your rebellion.

I like about this because it affirms one of the core claims of PbtA: the game is a conversation. You begin your Session 0 sharing ideas as a group, with players having just as much say in the creation of the world as the GM. If you want to speed up the game, the GM may propose a setting to make things more specific. I’ve done this in the past with Wolf Hounds, which I wanted to make fit into my Monster Squad campaign last year.

However, even if the GM makes some decisions about the world, the choices the individual players will affect what parts of that world we’ll focus on. I feel like this experience gives a lot more agency to the players, so if you want to run a game but you don’t want to be responsible for everything that lands on the table, you might want to consider something Powered by the Apocalypse.

There are some elements of PbtA that can provide quite a bit of whiplash for new players. The game is very reactive, which means that it can be difficult for a traditional GM to figure out what to plan. Some games, like The Between, come with modules or adventures that can make it easier to ease into a GM-ing role. I’d also recommend checking out PbtA games that play in genres that both the GM and the group are very familiar with. If you like teenage superheroes, MASKS will probably be fairly easy to pick up. If you're familiar with found-footage horror, you might be more interested in Public Access.

I’ve talked about a number of PbtA games in the past. Let’s take a look at a few that I haven’t mentioned much.

City of Mist is a game by Son of Oak about ordinary people caught up in supernatural investigations as they grow to embody myths and legends.

Trespassers, by BoughandWave is a game about monsters in a wood - but you are not the scariest things in this forest.

Fight Item Run, by Whimsy Machine, is a game meant to replicate beloved video games about dungeons and magic.

A Monster's Tail, by Five Points Games, is an homage to monster catcher media, such as Pokemon, Digimon, and Jade Cocoon.

If you’re interested in PbtA games, you might also want to check out the collection of PbtA games that I’ve put together on Itch!

[generic-sonic-fan]

Hey what are your thoughts on like. Gemerl and Omega as aduo? I think they're REALLY neat personally,, (IM SORRY FOR SPAM LIKING ALL OF YOUR POSTS IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR OMEGA CONTENT💔💔)

I must admit that I'm sort of infamous for excluding Gemerl in my works. I don't mean to! I just, kinda. . . forget about him? Not that he's forgettable! It's purely a me issue. It's probably because my grasp on Sonic canon is tenuous at best and I don't read IDW.

But when I am considering Gemerl, I subscribe completely to fernsnailz interpretation of them, specifically in their zine "Born To Fail" (which you should absolutely read if you somehow haven't already).

The idea that Gemerl is everything Omega would hate to become. Domestic, calm, rational, peaceful. The idea that Omega is everything Gemerl would hate to become. Violent, selfish, furious, illogical. It makes me go insane.

I also think there's a tension between them in that Omega still looks like a Badnik. Whereas Gemerl is something different and less scary-looking to the general public. Gemerl is able to, and moreover willing to, hide the destructive side of himself.

Gemerl isn't proud of what he did to free himself from Eggman's control. He had to be reprogrammed by Tails into something that was more like Emerl, a robot he's never met but that Sonic and friends remember fondly. He's making himself to be friendly and domestic because he never wants to face his own destructive potential again. Because destruction is bad; destruction is Eggman. But innocent kindness? That's Emerl, and everybody likes Emerl. Everybody misses Emerl. So he will be Emerl, as best he can, and put everyone at ease.

And this disgusts Omega. He sees Gemerl as having traded one one kind of subservience for another. Still pretending and nodding politely and obeying so sweetly. He's not free- he's just hiding from the consequences of his existence. Cowardice.

On the flip side, Gemerl can't stop wondering what Omega's problem is. If Omega was just nicer, more subtle, maybe changed up his paint job a little, everyone would like him a lot more! Right? This life of freedom they're now both living has privileges, and the only cost to those privileges is a little bit of conformity. A little bit of nicety goes a long way to putting other people at ease. Omega wouldn't need to rebel against everyone and everything if he simply acted less abrasively.

But no. Omega is selfish, unwilling to compromise for anyone or anything. And then he has the gall to complain that "meatbags" aren't treating him with respect. Respect requires reciprocation. Something Omega seems unwilling to do even if it kills him.

TL;DR: they're character foils and I could see them as rivals or as an enemies-to-lovers ship depending on what you like.

(also, NEVER apologize for spam-liking! Nothing makes me happier than seeing someone liking every post on my blog. Like damn, I must've gotten something right if all of it resonates with someone besides myself <3)

[dummymango]

Weak Point

The "Chica cant make female friends" has now real consequences 🎉🎉🎉🎉

Commentary⬇️

A comment i tend to hear from people who hate Ann is that "she only has male friends because She's a pick me girl" LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER, and is one of the Main reasons of why i relate to Ann

Not because a girl has difficulty with making female friends means she craves male attention, those boys understand her and wanted to support her in her dream! Freddy/Fred complimented her more than once, her Friends like her!

I had struggles with this same problem too mainly because bullying at 7-9 (god forbid You not being able to have the newest Barbie at stock because everyone thought You werent a girl, no sis i just didn't have money 😭)

Like we see at ep 19, Toddy bothered Ann to the point of making her leave the competition

In Ann's POV that was literally Toddy saying "your dreams are stupid, im far better than you and you'll never be able to Even reach My toes" Toddy did everything to win Even if meant sabotage, later in season 2, Ann remembers her words after realizing she failed, for 10 seconds later to cry while thinking about everything

Again to ep 19 im pretty sure that wasnt the 1st time Toddy did something to Ann, Toddy's first line is "look we have here, the clown Even bothered to wear her costume" and Ann already knows her name and replies with "leave me alone" plus this one scene at her song which pretty much implies another competition

The next interaction between Toddy and Ann is not really a big deal as this one but i still like to quote it

Literally just capturing Pokémon and bothering her for it and calling her loser? Girl she did nothing to You 😭😭 ya suéltala

Adding au stuff:

Toddy and Ann we're Friends at middle school, but the more Toddy started craving attention the more she started being mean to Ann (talking about her behind her back, rumours spreading, mocking her for the things she likes) Toddy craves attention because her mother barely gives her any, and so did her sister, the way Toddy started changing into a meaner personality resonated in everyone, her little sister hid her interests from her because she 100% believes that "Big sis would step on me if she got the chance" and no! That girl wants You to care for her! Toddy envys Ann because she has the two things Toddy wants most

-A mother who fully supports you and loves you

-A little sister who is not afraid and admires You

Toddy wishes Ashley was younger because "it's easier to explain things to kids/its easier to protect them" and thats the thing

Ashley just hit puberty and is pretty much emotional

Katy (Cupcake) it's just an 8 year old who saw her older sister make dresses and said "well that's the coolest thing i ever saw there must be an statue of this girl asap"

Ms paint drawing explaining their families

Now changing directions into the other girls Ann has a "beef"

now with joy is neither a Big deal, but i like to keep note that Joy and Ann were supossed to be Friends in a start

With both Joy and Meg i believe Ann admires both of them, and maybe would have gotten along if the first impression of them wasn't "we are better than you yall losers You don't deserve our talent" and that resonates with Meg, who specifically hated Ann and pretty much treated her like "the girl My brother met 2 weeks ago" ?!??

Ann genuinely wishes she could make Friends with Even more girls so that's why she holds dearly her girls (Eve,Mai,Maggie)

now drawing context: She and Cami became Friends, goes wrong because later she founds She's Tat and the one who hurt her friend and the whole camp, i don't think i have to explain who's speaking the color is too obvious, according to Lana's explanation the villains WANT to steal the negative energy (shadows) from people for god knows what, so, the easiest way to make its to torment someone until their shadow gets manifested, and that's what's happening to Ann in this drawing

[coupleoffanfics]

Future Child

Okay, Batsis reader. Right? On board? This is around the time when y/n has given up the nightlife and hasn't detached herself from the family.

I'm gonna go off the wall and say what if the family was visited by y/n's child from the future? I know it sounds crazy, but please listen. The family could run a DNA test or the child could walk up to Bruce in broad daylight and whisper, "Hello, flying rodent".

They won't reveal their name, so they're just called V.

During their time there Dick would be so tempted to ask about the future. Maybe not things specifically about his life because he knows they can't answer questions like that. But he'll ask just stupid questions like do cats have jetpacks or something? He'd also try to get to know his nephew. What they like, personality, etc.

Tim and Bruce would be poking at them on how they got here. Though Bruce probably had to take a moment to crack a smile for a split second. He was going to be a grandpa one day and the thought made him tear up. It's just happy news all around for him but he wouldn't dare show it.

Damian would be observing them closely and taking note of their outfit which looked to be something a hero would wear. Making him wonder what kinda of hero they were and if they were any good at fighting. Both Jason and Barbara just stood back from the situation. Babs is still in a bit of shock but is happy to hear that y/n was able to gain the domestic lifestyle she wanted.

y/n's child gives them a gist of how ended up here without giving names. Dick would notice V glancing around the cave and offer to give them a tour. They except of course. He takes note of how V doesn't seem into small talk but asks a lot of questions. The whole family picks up on how X asks a lot of questions about y/n. Their mother. It's odd and a bit worrying to Bruce, but the others just think that y/n didn't talk too much about her time as Batgirl.

Everything is relatively calm until y/n walks into the Batcave for her laptop. V's calm, almost stoic mood is dropped. Tim and Bruce see how V almost took a step forward, but reluctantly stood still. How V started rapidly blinking their eyes and struggling to look at y/n.

Dick would probably zoom up to y/n with a big smile, "Hey, Mama bird, did you get the diapers?" And y/n just gives him a confused, maybe even sacred look.

Everything is going fine. The family is working together on getting them to their time. Cool, yeah, whatever.

But what if there's just something that triggers V. It could be something that was said or asked that leads V and y/n to argue. It's not even arguing. It's just V spilling out grievances about their father and kind of insulting y/n.

"I can't believe you'd still defend him even before you met him. How rich."…"You didn't plan me, but Dad did and you were somehow okay with it? I was only there to keep you down, but what about the other two? Did you love them more because Dad didn't plan them?"…"Dad may have cared about you, but not us. You weren't a monster like him, but letting him get away with so much makes you just as guilty."…"You're both broken people. Maybe you two are meant to be."

V storms off and y/n retreats to her room. Everyone is dumbstruck by this sudden revolution.

Eventually, V does apologize to y/n. When she awkwardly accepts, they get misty-eyed because they really didn't mean to say any of that. They know how she doesn't take the apology, not entirely, and they feel like shit. They do care about their mom, despite all that they said.

When it's almost time for V to return back to the future they pull the whole family aside. Excluding y/n so she won't hear what they're going to say.

"As you guessed my Dad wasn't the best. Mom never talked about any of you and with Dad being a villain I could understand why. He's not a good person in general. Mom deserved better, so this time around try doing a better job. Don't let her slip away or be taken away. If I'm born then you know you failed."

This resonates with the family and brings up questions that won't be answered anytime soon. I could see this leading the family to become yandere or overprotective. Either one is fine because their efforts are futile.

If going down the Yandere route then I could see them becoming so overbearing that y/n runs from them. They control her life. Who she talks to, where she goes, what she does. She can't live like this and she runs away when given the chance.

If going down the protective route then it's slightly better than the Yandere one. At least in terms of their relationship. They pay extra attention to her and check up on her regularly until one day she just disappears.

In each route, They'd keep a close eye on any guy that has similar physical features (ex: hair, eyes). Since V has stated they look more like their father. When she does go missing they'll search high and low for her, but there isn't anything that would locate where she is. Her disappearance keeps them up at night for many years until a vaguely familiar person visits the manor.

They awkwardly introduce themself, "Hi, my name is..."

They failed.

If anyone wants to write about this idea then go ahead. Doesn't even have to be the Batfamily. I won't write about it unless asked. I'm just not married to the idea. It almost 2 in the morning I need sleep.

[syndrossi]

I enjoyed that little moment in the newest chapter where Jon remembers his mother -- Elys, that is. It was very bittersweet for him to get a glimpse of a memory of that. Any chance we can see a POV (AU or otherwise) from her one day?

Mind, I also still want, at some point:

- Rhaella and Jon bonding

- Alysanne and Aemon's sons

- Alysanne and Baelon's grandsons

- Catelyn meeting Ned's sons (hahaha Ned's sons)

And I could never way no to more Rhaenyra, Laena, or Rhea bonding moments with the boys! There are so many lovely mom (and grandmother) (and, uh, whatever Catelyn would be to them) moments to be had!

This chapter also made me again want to see what would have happened if Volantis HAD managed to kidnap Jon and Rhaegar. Which again makes me want that AU with baby Viserys... oh, the angst! Even if they're too late to stop the war, at least they can come rescue little Aegon and Jaehaera from their horribly depressing fates.... Or a happier version where they escape early enough to stop the coup and/or prevent Luke from being eaten by Vhaegar. What would Volantis do with teenage Jon and Rhaegar, both of whom they've raised and think will be loyal to their interests? Would they send them out to burn their enemies? Threaten Westeros or Pentos or Braavos? WHAT'S THEIR ULTIMATE GOAL???

Ugh, Resonant takes up so much of my brain power. 😅

I feel like I'm so cruel to Jon. The one female figure he can wholeheartedly believe might truly love him because he's hers, she birthed him, and I take her from him not once (Elys) but twice (Rhea), and that's not even counting Lyanna! He has so much baggage to overcome with the specific "woman who married my father but has children of her own" mold. 😭

An Elys POV would definitely be sweet and bittersweet because she loved those babies, nothing complicated about it. (Guh, and naturally, I'm already thinking of one of those Redfort brother / Ser Willam AUs where they're taking the 2-year-old orphan toddlers to the Gates of the Moon and the dye fails and Daemon comes swooping in at some point and they're wailing ceaselessly for their mama, they don't want this strange frightening man who is so angry with everyone.)

You and Alysanne BOTH want those POVs. 😂 And eeeep the Cat POV in Restoration, have mercy. (Rhaella bonding with Jon would be incredibly sweet, I know it, with Rhaegar subtly trying to help things along.)

...I totally missed a ficlet opportunity with Mother's Day now past, I suppose.

Which kidnapping attempt, though? The Jephyro one? The Wildfire gambit? Or this most recent one? (Daemon screams internally.)

The "successful kidnapping" AU definitely gets most interesting if Volantis had them for a few years, timeline-wise, before Jon and Rhaegar's memories wake. Because how much success did they have with the Redfort brothers? How confident are they?

If we're talking Volantis's goals, it likely depends on when the kidnapping is! If it's Resonant-adjacent, they probably want to go after the weakened Triarchy, for starters. Reclaim the Disputed Lands, drum up that tiger support amongst the masses, and then move on to the Triarchy cities themselves. Granted, that's a lot to put on two teenaged dragonriders, but if their dragons are behemoths, what can the Iron Throne do? Risk their own dragons? (If we're talking Perzōñys's goals, that's a separate thing entirely and has to be ignored for the sake of discussing this AU.)

If it's Dance-era, then taking out the weakened Targaryen dynasty may make the most sense. Grab as many hatchlings, dragon eggs, and kids as you can from the wreckage (Viserys, Aegon, Jaehaera, etc) and ensure the Iron Throne has nothing left, dragonrider or dragon. That's super ambitious, though, given the distance between Volantis and Westeros, so they'd probably have to do a little Disputed Lands conquering beforehand here as well.

It does all seem to start with the Disputed Lands, I suppose!

Volantis does then have the more longterm problem of keeping its dragonriders under control. Why should a dragonrider take orders from mere men, after all? How do you keep them from seizing power themselves and establishing control over Volantis? The Iron Throne works because House Targaryen is already in power, and the Dance is a prime example of what happens when a faction decides it wants the throne instead. Is it better to maintain just a small corps of dragonriders that you have leverage over?

Wiser Free Cities might just discard/kill their dragons and dragonriders when it's over, but Volantis really does see itself as Valyria's successor. Perhaps they go for the other extreme and try to rapidly expand how many dragons and riders they have. Which, as we know, is not easy to do due to weird dragon hatching mechanics.