#but more like. what about this resonated with you? you specifically? I failed in my intent as a writer if this in particular resonated.

[maglors-anion-gap]

I deleted the comments but...

Ya know, I started tagging my explicit fic with "transmasculine author" so that people would think twice about being shitty about "doing trans rep wrong" but maybe I should tag all my gen stuff that way too. Since people who think it's normal to say that trans people don't belong in DV shelters because they might creep out cis women apparently feel comfortable engaging with my (ironic, this) fandom trumps hate gift fics that I thought were pretty clearly about the trans ND experience. Most of the time going through my AO3 inbox is a lovely experience. Most of the time.

[yzzart]

I KNOW, MY EYES ALREADY LOVE YOU ── KENJI SATO

── summary: What could be Kenji Sato's certainty and weakness?

── content warnings: F!reader, 18+, nsfw, morning sex, unprotected, riding, playing w/ nipples, dirty talk, praise, petnames, kenji being a fucking tease, explicit words, explicit content.

── word count: 1.798!

Kenji did not know, or did he understand, some certainties about his life, and, perhaps, it could sound like imprudence, the purest act of negligence he had the opportunity to tolerate; in fact, it was obvious. — He believed in this line of consciousness, attempted reasoning.

He declared that he made mistakes, countless mistakes, and, currently, he still thinks about the hypothesis that he could make them to this day; even though he wanted to, and tried, as much as possible, not to reveal what he believed to the cameras, journalists and specific people around him. — Sato wouldn't stand it, he knew that.

However, resonating with a merciless and sweet irony, seeming such a surprising incongruity, Kenji was, he knew, certain about one thing in his existence, something that he would not dare lie, deceive himself or dissemble; he imagined he might die if he did that. — His chest burned, sharply, just thinking about it.

You were one of Sato's weaknesses; in his view, the only one. — At the same time, it was his strength; knowing that, you can destabilize him, with ease and incomplexity, conceiving a change in his concentration and everything around, just by directing your eyes against his would be able to be seen as ridiculous and playing a vulnerable side and stealing his attention was peculiar. — Something incredibly curious.

But in Sato's eyes, it was a form, way of how to worship you; being able to feel a passion, intensely, disoriented and burning in his heart. — Admitting something so angelic and serene. — Not hiding the fact that you were his refuge, a place where he felt safe and loved and knew that it would protect him at all costs in his life; experiencing being worthy of you.

And every morning, every second and minute of it, at dawn next to you, with his body entwined with yours, Kenji thought about it.

"A kiss for your thoughts?" — A sleepy, so sweet voice exclaims in the boy's ears, spontaneously bringing a cunning smile to his lips; Kenji loved your humor, even during the early morning. — "What do you think?" — Even with the huge cuts in the windows, showing weak and soft bands of light, you refused to open your eyes at that moment, yawning.

"That's a very good proposal, should i accept it?" — He asked, looking down at your leg, which was in the region of his hips, and felt, deliciously, you pressing yourself against him; Sato's smile grew even wider due to the fact that you only had the blanket stuck to your bodies. — "Good morning to you too, kitten."

He considered some sleepy, boring mumbles and grunts that came out of your mouth as a response, and found it adorable; bringing his lips to your forehead, kissing it, while stroking your hair. — Taking care of his girl with delicacy and gentleness. — And more melodic hums were made by you.

You couldn't stop that familiar and delightful tingling between your legs, and soon you was clumsily rubbing yourself against Kenji's hips, — who didn't fail to find your morning boner fascinating and hungry — without a hint of shame.

"I see someone…" — A sensual laugh vibrated in your temple. — "…woke up very well." — He added, feeling a lump in his throat, unable to contain his shaky breath. — "No?" — Your hand snaked over Kenji's athletic chest, a line of coldness crossed his skin, caused by the ring you had on your finger; your engagement ring.

Not knowing how to resist, and never could, your movements, the painful, throbbing sensation began to burn, sharply, Kenji's dick, showing the large bulge developed in the blanket; he was already starting to feel needier than usual, wanting to fit his face into your neck and dive into your pussy.

Just thinking about being inside you makes Sato's breathing become a panting mess, not wanting or admitting to waste another second.

"I always wake up right next to you, Kenji." — You replied, lifting your head, directing your lips to the eldest's shoulder, trailing kisses across his skin; showing affection. — "Always." — The little kisses went up to his collarbone, your warm hands remained on his chest.

During the small movement between the sheets, caused by you, part of your boobs were exposed and shivering as they hit Kenji's skin; he didn't wait and anxiously felt the beak of one of them, squeezing it with a certain and frank force. — Drawing a sigh from you and making the player bite his lip, like prey. — The damn man liked doing that.

Sato was, indisputably, diabolical, the most arrogant and delighting provocation to ever stand before you.

“Come here, come.” — He asked in a whisper, cunning and with eyes clouded with desire, looking at every point of your face and eyes, running his tongue over his lips, leaving them wet and, faintly, shiny; waiting to be responded to, which didn't take long. — "Pretty girl."

Yours lips, eagerly, came together in a sinful, appetizing and wet kiss; Kenji's sharp tongue rubbed and caressed your, wanting to taste your mouth, as if it were the first time. — Sometimes causing a shock of contact between your teeth and his, nothing could stop you. — Moans, coming from you, delighting in his mouth, were muffled and made Sato smile bewildered.

Kenji felt, even so apprehensive and focused on your mouth, his body being touched, covered by your hands, and, lightly, your nails scraped his skin, desperate to touch him. — He couldn't help but find it cute and naive the way your hand moved to the back of his neck, shocking your bodies even more. — Feeling himself throbbing more and more.

You would be the death of Kenji Sato. — That was another certainty that covered his mind.

Moaning during the mediocre fraction of a second in which your lips disconnected, feeling an emptiness, you came across thin and fragile strands of spit slowly breaking and you vibrated when you heard Sato's smug laugh; his eyes surrounded your mouth, wanting it again. — He smiled, forming a pretentious and ambitious expression as he brought his thumb to your chin, holding it.

"Ride me like a good girl," — Sato clicks his tongue, incoherent. — "my good girl." — Aa words, referring with a hint of possessiveness and premise, made your pussy throb with exultation. — "Please, huh?" — Your lover pouted, almost sounding mocking but not hiding the need he burned for you.

He didn't need to say it twice, he knew there would be no need, even though he saw some clouds of pleasure, leaving you completely at the mercy of the excitement, leaving you beautiful head. — And, also, it wasn't long before your legs were around Kenji's hips, grabbing them with the limited strength you had; abandoning the silky, white sheet somewhere on the mattress.

Settling down, adjusting his posture on the soft, padded pillow, hoping for a good view, Kenji couldn't help but adore the image before his eyes; you were deliciously mounted on him and comfortable on his lap, in your honored place and feeling deified. — It seemed like an inexplicable, surreal and reprehensible scene, it could be the taste of the paradise they prophesied. — No, you were Sato's own, true and only paradise.

Your body surrendered to him, precise movements, with a moderate, almost weak strength and still clouded with sleep, against the young prodigy's hips, feeling his entire length sink, preciously, into your sticky and hot walls; never getting used to the way you was filled by Kenji, — and, wanting, dirty, at no point to get used to it. — leaving you more stimulated. — When you felt him completely, your lips opened, moaning harmoniously and delightfully, attracting panting sighs in the name of your lover.

And, with your boobs, delicious and juicy boobs, exposed, wide open, which, according to your movements, swayed and shivered in front of Kenji, wanting to devour them with desire and modesty. — And not tolerating losing the delicious vision, he preferred to remain where he was; but, he didn't hesitate in sliding his hand towards one of them and squeezing it, now, tightly.

"Ken..ji." — You moaned, whimpered, moving your hand towards his, which held your nipple, unbearably, sensitive with his calloused fingers. — "Fuck-k!" — You sobbed, threatening to release tears from feeling all that pleasurable pressure in your system; and, feeling the lack of sustenance, with the other hand, you moved across Kenji's chest. — "Ken, Kenji..."

"Is it good, my love?" — He says, removing his hand from your boob and repositioning it on your waist, guiding your movements, noticing your almost exhausted rhythm, poor thing. — "Fucking good, huh?" — He growled when he noticed a sudden tightness in his cock; your pussy choked and sucked him, divinely, well. — "O-oh, look what we have here." — He laughed, digging his short nails into your flesh.

The sharp, thin lamentations and melodic moans vociferated in Sato's ears sounded like masterful music, stirring him with every descent and ascent that you made in his lap; also mentioning the wet, filthy melody that your pussy made while swallowing his cock. — Such a greedy, hungry, desperate little thing for every inch of him.

"Keep it up, kitten." — He swore, quickly guiding your hips and showed a satisfied and happy smile when he saw that you responded to his orders, winking shamelessly in your direction. — "I love filling this pussy, fuck…" — He breathed deeply, shaking with another grip on his dick. — "with my cum in the morning." — Listening to Kenji's filthy words was a sin.

It was blasphemous, unacceptable to be able to tolerate, endure, for so long, all that excitement, — all that infernal provocation coming from your man — and adequately endure the stings that reached, perfectly, your sensitive and delicate spot, which only Kenji knew how to reach. — And he took advantage of that.

With incandescent, burning pleasure replacing all sensations, reactions of your body, finally, that nervous, tingling thread, trapped in your stomach, breaks free; accompanied by a tearful and disoriented scream, crying out for Sato, coming out of your mouth. — Cumming on his cock, having some spasms around it, you feel weak, about to become weak. — Like a pathetic little doll.

"Baby." — Hot, delicious jets of sperm painted your inner walls, taking him to the limit, as always; cumming inside you, Kenji filled you, leaving you satisfied, sated and fulfilled. — Having the impression that, still sitting on his lap, you was leaking yours mixed releases, causing an appetizing mess. — "Holy shit." — Ken moaned softly, smiling bewildered and drunk for you.

Tilting your head to the side, merely acting in a naive and harmless way, still with a look of tiredness and exhaustion, a thin and innocent smile tugged at the corner of your lips; making you even more adorable, captivating.

"Good morning to you too, Ken."

Yeah, in fact, you were Kenji Sato's main weakness.

[drchucktingle]

space raptor butt experiment

when conservative ideas are put to the test they basically always fail. specifically ruminating on how very early in my career conservative goofs tried to force me into an award for ONE specific reason: irony. in their mind, as a queer artist, i OBVIOUSLY didnt belong there

that is premise RABID PUPPIES had at hugo awards, that CHUCK TINGLE was least likely person to be taken seriously and therefore would delegitimize something serious. to them it was unfathomable that i could be making REAL art because i was too strange, queer, and UNTRADITIONAL

conservatives in literary space believe TRADITIONAL is RIGHT and everything else is distraction. now we have a literal TEST OF THIS THEORY. they GOT TO PICK THEIR FIGHTER in the arena, to see my art and whisper amongst themselves 'this is epitome of progressive artistic failure'

this test has been running for nearly ten years now, not in a lab but ON THIS TIMELINE OF REALITY. and look at the results, look how much tinglers resonate, how many buckaroos have gathered to support my art. CAMP DAMASCUS was a best seller. BURY YOUR GAYS COMIN IN HOT

this is not a moment to just sit around and pat myself on the back, but i think it is worth recognizing something. RABID PUPPIES and all of those conservative literary goofs were unequivocally WRONG about me and my art. because they are philosophically wrong about EVERYTHING

they have joined a long line of lonesome whining goofs who will say ‘let the market decide’ and when the market decides that their work is slop they will CONVENIENTLY forget what they initially stood for. more sad lonely devils moaning in their basements while we trot in the sun

i will end this observation with this: THANK YOU for being a part of this experiment with me, for seeing my unique expression and trotting along beside me. for as much as i have proven love to you on this path, YOU HAVE PROVEN LOVE TO ME. HERES TO TROTTING INTO THE FUTURE

[intuitively-her]

Pile 1)- This is someone that you've closed a cycle with. This person feels like they fumbled so badly with you. I feel like this person was more focused on money, so they put you on the backburner a lot. You are EVERYTHING that this person wants. They didn't realize what they had until it was too late tho. This person wants to start over with you. I feel like they're literally feening for you to come back.🤣 They're like, "I need to talk to him/her NOWWW👹". Lmfao. Especially if you have this person blocked or you left them on delivered. They will find a way to contact you even if they're blocked. My advice: don't let them back in so easily. make them work for it.💋

Pile 2)- Mutiple people have their eye on you right now.🤭 Firstly, I'm picking up on someone from your community. This is someone that you see pretty often. This could be a co-worker, classmate, neighbor, etc. For someone specific, you may see this person at your local grocery store a lot. You make this person soooo nervous. They might stutter when talking to you lol. I don't see this person coming towards you anytime soon tho. They think that you're out of their league, so they just prefer to admire you from afar for now. The other energy that I'm picking up on is someone that helped you work through something or came to your defense in a situation. This part will only resonate for a few of you. This person could be a doctor/therapist/ or work in law enforcement. This is someone that you've known for a while. This person could be apart of your friend group or they're just a mutual of yours. They have watched you go through a glow-up and transform. They love this new you.😍

Pile 3)- This is an ex fling/sneaky link. You know that this person is not good for you AT ALL. This person was non-committal af. Ewww I don't like their energy. This person is a f*cking DOG, and they don't try to hide it either. This person brought a lot of unnecessary chaos around you. They definitely had you in 3rd party situations. I wouldn't be surprised if their other partners knew about you as well. They were very messy with their affairs. It makes me think of that movie "John Tucker Must Die". This person is exactly like that lmao. They may have asked you for a 3sum in the past, or they would flirt shamelessly with others in front of you. A real piece of 💩. My advice: NEVER let them back into your energy. They never deserved you.

Pile 4)- This is someone that you're trying to move on from. You may be giving them the silent treatment right now. I feel like this person breadcrumbed you A LOT and failed to give this connection any effort. They were more focused on making money. You should also know that this person is still dealing with another connection that they are trying to close out. This person recently made a judgement call about you. They feel silly now that they wasted so much time and basically lost their shot at ever having a real relationship with you. My advice: trust your intuition when it comes to this person/situation.

*ONLY TAKE WHAT RESONATES*

💖Please DO NOT copy, repost, or steal my work. Thanks!💖

[krisluxxeeempress]

HOW DOES YOUR PERSON FEEL ABOUT YOU? PICK-A-PILE

Pile (1): Privilege & Gifts

  Cards: six of swords reversed, ten of wands reversed, Queen of wands, page of cups reversed, page of wands reversed with the two of swords at the bottom of the deck.

Your person is seeing you how you are seeing yourself, as THAT BISH. For many of you, you have experienced a glow up, as within and so without. There’s a reason I used yoga poses images for this reading. Yoga is an ancient and spiritual meditative practice and with that, I feel that this is a spiritual glow up within that is exuding most powerfully as without. It goes deeper than anything superficial. Your person feels like you are unattainable to them now. We all can agree that the best revenge is your paper, but you are proving that there’s levels to revenge. The great Lauryn Hill said something along the lines of “ how are you going to win if you aren’t right within”. Your revenge is getting right within. I must stop myself from referencing words of wisdom and lyrics from other spiritually awaken individuals though it’s a strong indication that a lot of you have evolved mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Your glow is seen, and your high vibes are felt strongly by your person. It’s damn near blinding to them if I’m being honest.   I usually have a lot to say, however, this time it’s different.

Energetically, it’s like everyone including your person who do not vibrate at the level you do now cannot access you energetically, physically or emotionally. Imagine being on a plane and you don’t have service. Imagine looking out the window and because you are high up in the sky, everything beneath you appears so small if not, nonexistent.  Your energy is worth looking up to now, for all- including your person. This message was intended to be focused on how your person feels about you but energetically I am picking up on a multitude of people in which your person is blending into. Energetically, it’s like you are walking through crowds of people who are all trying to get your attention and access to you but fail because there’s just too many people around. Plus, you are protected by security. You have strong spiritual protection around you that is impossible for anyone to penetrate, including your person. If this is going on spiritually, which is as within, please believe this will manifest physically, as without. Something major is about to prosper for those who chose this pile. I almost want to apologize to those who chose this pile who don’t really resonate with spirituality but then again, for those this resonates with, that’s like apologizing for who you’ve become and or are becoming. I wanted more clarity on the Queen of Wands card and the Seven of Wands came out to clarify. ( I type as the cards come out for those wondering) The seven of wands further confirms what I was picking up about  having spiritual protection around you that will manifest, in reality.

The nine of pentacles have appeared with Judgement reversed, eight of swords, four of cups and finally The Empress. The nine of pentacles is my “ RICH BISH” card and with Judgement reversed, I interpret this as “ you can’t sit with me” vibes. It’s goes beyond your person at this point. For anyone who hurt, betrayed, abandoned or refused to see that you were the diamond in the rough are now finding themselves mentally stuck and transfixed on you THE EMPRESS. ( not gender specific) You will be attracting many men/ women that want to bathe in your light, success, growth and protection but they will be blocked somehow, someway. You won’t even be aware of it. This may be what is happening energetically as I type this reading because if you recall, I mentioned above how it’s like your person is blending in with others making it hard to really pick up on their energy. Your person may become a distant memory soon. They will no longer be able to pull on your energy let alone access you physically.  What a sad day/ future for them. Pulling from my self-created “ why are they mad” oracle deck, the first card out is- they are mad because they cannot ride your wave. SEE ! They are also mad because you will not go 50/50 with them( SHERA7 vibes, if you know you know) To explain that card, there’s a very successful and well-known women on YouTube who goes by that name. She teaches women specifically how to attract wealthy/ “ high value” men. She calls men DUSTIES if they do not provide  financially 100% amongst other things.

Anyway, I interpret this card as confirmation that you no longer think or accept breadcrumbs from anyone including your person. ( I don’t think this is your person anymore but for the sake of the reading, I will continue to call them such) Your person is also mad that they are not the only ones trying to be your only one. It’s funny how people suddenly want you when they discover others want you. But for you, this will be on another level of others wanting you. Everything about your energy and soon to be life is on another level.  I am getting significant Sagittarius, Leo, Capricorn, Cancer, Libra, Taurus, Virgo and Aquarius energy from this pile. (or  9th, 5th, 10th, 4th, 7th, 2nd, 6th, 11th houses)  Lastly, Privileged Lady and Gift card came out.

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Pile (2): I Spy

Cards: King of Swords, four of pentacles reversed, fool, death reversed, magician reversed and at the bottom of the deck the six of wands reversed.

Your person feels like you’ve beat all odds in some way. It’s like they witnessed you going through trial and tribulations and now you’ve emerged into a beautiful/ handsome butterfly. Your person is someone new though they’ve been watching you for some time. They have strong Aquarius, Leo, Capricorn placements and in some way, they’ve witnessed you mature. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pile (1) resonated with some of you who chose this pile.

Anyway, your person may be significantly  older than you as well.( no judgements or shade)  Nevertheless, your person views you as the fool card – young spirited, bold, confident, happy, authentic, honest , funny and quirky, and restless. (someone has ADHD- I’m struggling to focus on this reading ) They also view you as their 10 of cups and Empress. The King of Swords indicates that your person is intelligent and sees you very clearly. He/ She also feels like you would see them clearly, meaning his/her status, money, popularity or success wouldn’t be what solely attracts you. They know you wouldn’t use or take advantage of them and for that reason alone, they want to provide and give you everything you need and desire.

Damn, the Star card just came out with the three of swords reversed, the devil reversed and the seven of pentacles. When I tell you your person has been watching and observing you for some time- I lie to you not. They’ve watched you ( kept tabs on you) while you may have been going through hard times, loss, addictions, battling negative energies including people. They’ve watched you heal yourself from heartbreak, disappointment- the list is endless. Your person has been studying you. For some you may feel like this is creepy but it’s not, I promise. Your person may know of you from work, school, church, the gym, social media etc. Though I highly believe they’ve been watching from social media. Regardless, your person is new and or someone that you vaguely know.

The energy I’m getting from this pile is extremely charged up and it’s hard for me to sit still to finish this reading. It’s electric. ( you may be seeing 4444, 9999 and 1010 everywhere and butterflies) Someone in this pile may be a heavy coffee, energy drinker. This reading felt all over the place but in an organized chaos kind of way. The two of you together are electric to say the least.

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Pile (3) Someone You Used to Know

Cards:  five of pentacles reversed, six of cups reversed, hanged man reversed, temperance reversed, six of swords reversed and at the bottom of the deck the seven of wands reversed.

LIKE DAMN!

This is not “ YOUR PERSON” ANYMORE. The way these cards and energy are set up, I am picking up on SOMEBODY THAT YOU USED TO KNOW ( Gotye Vibes) I literally had to put the song on to listen to the lyrics, really quick. Whoever this used to be to you is mad that your cut off game is too strong and that you don’t make time for them. This is someone who thrived on you depending on them and expressing this dependence in a clingy manner. Some of you may have wanted a higher level of commitment from them and they refused to give that to you.

Others of you may have miscarried a baby ( I’m sorry ) because they were stressing you out etc. For some, they allowed their parents/ family to interfere with your relationship. Then there’s the group who were cheated on and or breadcrumbed. This person never took you out on dates or invested money in you. They always had an excuse/ lie as to where their money was going, making it clear you were not a priority. This person is always working, which also  means they never had time for you either. I also see that this person may have been married or in a long-term relationship prior to you and they haven’t gotten over it.

They made you suffer for their past relationships failure etc. The cards keep flying out,  but I think we can all agree that whoever this person is, you are no longer in their life. If you chose this pile, you may also resonate with Pile (1). Whoever this distant person is, they are mad you make life look effortless. Healing and moving on from them appears effortless. They are also mad that you can afford designer, meaning  your financial status has improved. Lastly, they are mad you left them on read. Imagine receiving one last message from someone before they pass away. They will never respond- no matter what. I know that sounds extreme, but you feel dead to them. Whatever message you last sent or vice vera, is all they have, to prove you are somebody they used to know.  

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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! IF ANY OF THESE PILES RESONATED PLEASE CONSIDER "HEARTING" OR REBLOGGING MY POST. I AM TRYING TO BUILD AND EXPAND MY BLOG AND I NEED YOUR HELP TO DO SO.

[natalyarose]

𝓟𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓪 𝓒𝓪𝓻𝓭 - 𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒮𝓅𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓉 𝒲𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝒦𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒜𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 (𝑜𝓇 𝒶) 𝒞𝑜𝓃𝓃𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃…♡🪽

This reading is likely going to lean towards romantic themes, but there may be messages regardless- we'll see! Pick the picture you feel most drawn to. It can help to close your eyes & visualise purple to connect with your intuitive sense & pick the 'right one'. Since this is a reading intended to reach many people, discretion is advised but I trust that who is meant to find it will. If you are looking for a more specific message, I do offer personal readings (peep my pinned post).

Let's get into it! 💞

edit: these readings ended up being verryyy hyper-specific so I'm not sure how many people will actually end up resonating with them, but I suppose there will likely be at least a message or 2 to take with you either way if this is where spirit has lead you. If nothing did resonate, that's totally okay!

Group 1 ~ 7 of Wands, the Hierophant, the Hermit

~channelled messages

'is this really what you want?'

'trying to keep the peace'

'a charade'

'rushed to the altar' (likely a metaphor)

This may be very specific, I was trying to brainstorm as many possible interpretations as I could.

For this group I'm seeing an energy where there is a person who is in a relationship or pursuing a relationship with someone solely because culturally/societally it is what is expected of them or what has been planned/seeds that have been sown since childhood. Even being rushed into marriage. There is a feeling of being trapped, 'I don't wanna do this'. For some this is the classic scenario of older family members pushing you to get married and/or start a family before you're truly ready.

For others, this is somebody holding onto a current relationship or an ex solely because you honour the commitment and feel under pressure to keep the 'charade' going, but really you are not happy and either have outgrown this connection entirely, or never were totally compatible in the first place. For some, you may be in the 'talking stage' with someone. You may genuinely like them, but feel socially pressured to rush into a commitment.

It definitely seems like if this is your group, you'll know about it because there seems to be a very conscious sense of friction about it all.. like you're grinning and baring it, but really you're gritting your teeth and frustrated. It could be all internal, but from what I'm feeling it definitely seems like there are other people involved and they're veryy 'in your face' about it.

You could be dating someone or agreeing to something just to get others off your back, when in reality you need more time to figure out what you truly want & what happiness looks like for you.

Whatever it is, I'm definitely feeling an array of situations with these themes for this group, but the message here is to not feel guilty about taking a time out. Distance yourself from these pressuring people/energies, and truly take the time to understand what you truly desire. Don't let anybody emotionally bully you into something you don't truly want. There is no shame in taking a different path, and trust that the path you feel most drawn to is the one that is meant for you.

Not all of us are born to fit the mold we were born into and taught, and it's time you stop trying to appease these external people 💟

Group 2 ~ King of Cups, 2 of Swords, 6 of Wands Rx

channelled messages~

'I wasted my opportunity'

'I'm not proud of what i've done'

'I want to make things right'

Group 2, I'm seeing a person who feels that they really did wrong by you. They feel like they've failed you. They're really not proud of it, and they're thinking about the situation a lot. They may be withdrawing their energy from you/distant from you, but it's because they're embarrassed and think you want nothing to do with them (and that might be true). I'm picking up on a looot of embarrassment, a lot of shame over a bad decision they made. They may have been deceptive about something too. Once again, much like the previous pile, I think if this is your group you'll know about it, you likely know who this is & it does feel fairly recent. For some it's more recent than for others- no more than 5 years ago likely. This person is reaaaally in their feelings about it and so deeply ashamed of themselves. Whatever they did to you, feels to them like a 'fall from grace', like even they thought better of themselves. It's like they wish they could give to you, somehow make things right but they know there's nothing they could do that could make it right.

They see you as very strong and feel it isn't fair that you're baring the burden of whatever it is they've done. I'm not sure they'll admit it or not because again, the sense of embarrassment is extreme, but they are really looking at you and acknowledging that you are 'the better person' and deserved so much more. I think they want to say they're sorry, but they're kinda feeling like words aren't' enough to fix it and they've already shown their character to you so you won't care. Yikes, I'm in this person's energy and it's extremely intense, I feel nauseous... the emotions run deep. They really do care about you, but that doesn't make anything they did to you okay. They are so embarrassed and mad at themselves. I can't specify what this person did because it'd be different for everyone & once again, I think if this message is meant for you you'll know. Whatever they've done completely uprooted a foundation, maybe there was a sense of trust together or loyalty and it's just been totally destroyed. This one might be very specific, but I almost feel like whatever they've done has made them a social pariah or would if it was known to the public.

It definitely feels like you have moved on, it still weighs on your heart but you are very strong and focusing on yourself. The message here is basically that this person is feeling very ashamed of themselves and contemplating their actions, while you''re going on with your life and being the 'bigger person'. Whoever picked this group, if someone has hurt you or wronged you in the past and you've been wondering if they feel any remorse about it, this is a sign that they absolutely do- but I don't feel this means you should reach out to them or go back to them. Again, it does feel fairly fresh and recent.

Just know that you are doing the right thing, you are in a much better place than they are, and this is a huge lesson for them. Keep your head up high and let them feel this shame on their own. For some of you guys it feels like you have a whole new life since this person. Keep doing what you're doing, and I'm hearing 'don't look back'... don't feel bad that this person feels bad. Whatever happened was this person's own karmic lesson. Some of you may be needing to hear this because you may blame yourself for what happened or what this person did to you. Know that what you went through is a testament to your own strength 💟

woo.. that was intense...

Group 3 ~ 8 of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, 8 of Swords

channelled messages~

'please don't make me look like a fool'

'going in blind'

'i feel silly around you'

Okay, group 3 is slightly more lighthearted which is nice. There is somebody- if there is a specific person you asked about, it's likely them- who is attracted to you. It's a very romantic energy, like they're literally looking at clouds or the moon and daydreaming about you. It's very sweet. I also see them studying you- but the catch is, they are sooo nervous. It's funny, it's like they're so nervous to the point that they're kinda pissed off both at themselves and at you. Like they're mad that your presence destabilises them so much. They feel very judged by you even though they like you, but in reality it's all in their head? They do want to make a romantic gesture towards you, but they're holding back/staying quiet about it because they're extremelyyy afraid of rejection. Like they're scared to death. I almost feel as though they're getting panic attacks over it ;(

Some of them are acting like they're not interested in you or being snarky with you because they feel so nervous. I think this person has deep insecurities/worries in part because they're placing a lot of value on whether this works out or not. Like this person is in their heads envisioning a whole future with you. It's as though they have almost like a whole meticulous movie in their head.

I do feel like if you were to get into a relationship with this person, it would be really nice at first, but their insecurity issues would play up a lot. I'm sensing a person who doesn't necessarily intend to hurt others, but when they're feeling insecure or embarrassed, they'll hurt someone else or try to make you feel bad to deflect their own feelings. The energy is reminding me of an ex I had- not to make it about myself but just to illustrate the energy I'm getting, here's a storytime~

he took me to the skatepark and he was about to show me all his ~skater trickz~ and impress me, but I think he hadn't done it in a while or something so his skills were rusty, and he started getting really flustered and embarrassed. Suddenly he was trying to pressure me to use the scooter we brought along, and I was like oh no thankyou, I don't feel like that'll end well- but he kept pushing me to do it. I ended up falling over and grazing my knee really badly, and he just laughed at me and kept walking ahead lmao. It was like he was very embarrassed because his plan to initially impress me backfired, so he wanted to make me feel bad too??

Anyway, I don't feel like this person is intentionally malicious but yeah, they definitely have a crush on you and are nervouss. This could just be a warning that maybe at this stage they have some work to do on themselves.

I feel like you are aware of this person. The message is kinda to just sit back, and be in that state of awareness for now. 💟

Group 4 ~ High Priestess, The Star & the 6 of Cups

channelled messages~

'divine timing'

'you will meet again'

'this is more important than you realise'

Ooh- Group 4, one thing I'll say is I'm personally not sure where I stand on soulmates and that type of thing (I believe in them, but I think I'd need to go within and meditate on it a bit to figure out what feels like the 'truth') but this really feels like a soulmate connection. I'm trying to discern the message here, but first and foremost this spread is highlighting a veryy significant connection. If you've been wondering if somebody is your soulmate, or exceptionally spiritually connected to you, or something like that, this is a sign that they are.

I feel like with this connection, you are already aware that it is significant. You may be wondering why this connection feels so intense. This might go over the heads of some/be a bit 'woo', but I do feel like this spread is alluding to someone you have a past life connection to/is in your soul group hence why it feels so strong. I'm not necessarily getting that you're 'meant to be together' or anything like that, because sometimes we do have strong, electric connections with people but aren't necessarily meant to partner up. There is just undoubtedly a very strong spiritual component to this connection that is being highlighted/confirmed to you. If you no longer have contact with this person and often find yourself thinking of them, I do feel this reading is divulging that you will very likely cross paths again with this person some day.

However, I feel like this reading is intended to give you closure more than anything. Whoever this is for, spirit has been seeing you almost be stuck on this person or very mesmerised by their energy (I'm seeing like a black cat in the night staring at something other people can't see and awestruck, like it's seeing a ghost). Spirit wants you to have this information so that you can essentially, move on with your life and focus on your goals a bit better.

You may find this person ends up in your dreams often and all of that kind of thing. You're attracted to them, but beyond that you're genuinely confused about why they keep popping up in your mind/why this feels so heavily significant. This spiritual connection is felt between both of you.

I also feel like this person and the effect they've had on you, is meant to be a catalyst for something else.

In time all of it will come together & make more sense to you, but for now just keep focusing on your goals rather than being transfixed by this connection.

I also feel like outside of this person, trust in divine timing and know that there are some things you should simply leave to the universe rather than trying to understand everything. Hindsight is 20/20 & you'll have it eventually! Enjoy life & focus on your passions now rather than trying to understand it all at once 💟

[malakaie]

had some feelings to write out – for/about @tommyend, no pressure at all to respond

I started watching wrestling – specifically, AEW – in late October 2023. It’s been just over a year since I started watching, and I didn’t expect it to consume as much of my brain-space as it has. When I started watching, I didn’t really know who anyone was. I had heard a few names – Randy Orton, CM Punk, Jade Cargill, Roman Reigns – but had no real concept of the landscape I was entering or what it would mean to get invested.

Truthfully, it was a little overwhelming, and there was more I didn’t understand than I did. In those first few weeks, I received one very helpful piece of advice: don’t try to understand everything. Find a wrestler or two whose vibe you like and stick with them – the rest will click into place eventually, or it won’t, and either way is fine.

And so I did. I think it was around the lead-up to Full Gear 2023 that I started really paying attention. There was something about what House of Black was doing that was different from anything else I was seeing. I could understand just enough to recognise talented athletes when I saw them, but I wasn’t quite plugged in enough to the overall wrestling “ecosystem” that that was enough on its own to get my attention. Now that I understand more of what I’m looking at, it’s easier to understand what I’m meant to be impressed by – it’s easier now to have that moment of, holy shit, how did they do that?

But I didn’t understand yet. I’d been watching wrestling for about a month and was still finding my footing. What I saw, and latched onto, in House of Black was a group of four impressive performers that I could tell were in love with the art of what they were doing. Everything was done with intent – the way they entered the ring, the different but cohesive styles with which each member of the House wrestled, the gear they wore, the ever-evolving paint on Malakai’s face, the evolution and growth of Julia’s character.

It was both the moment that I finally, properly understood that professional wrestling was also theatre—and, I think, the moment that I was magnetised. It felt like a faction that was made for me: a band of storytellers who wanted to take my hand and show me what wrestling could be and was and is, and had the creativity and cohesiveness and physical talent to pull it off.

I could breathe a sigh of relief. I wasn’t lost anymore, desperately trying to catch up to understanding something that everyone around me already seemed to know. I had a guide of some sort, and one that resonated: I’ve been reading since I was 3, writing stories since I was 11, have always been a little “strange,” drawn to creative types and niche hobbies and other people that don’t have many friends. And here was someone who not only felt like me, sounded like me, but was wanted and loved and succeeding. A stranger to me, in the way that performers and public figures always are, but I felt like it was going to be okay. If Malakai could make it—though I didn’t and don’t know him personally, I had no way of knowing if he was ever afraid, or if he doubted himself—then maybe I could, too.

The more I watched and the more I learned, the more true that became. I’ve been depressed and anxious most of my adult life. I have scoliosis that is likely to get worse as I get older, and causes me pain multiple times a week, if not every day. Hearing someone whose work I admired be open about his mental health—especially when sports industries have typically not been kind to people, perhaps especially men, who are vulnerable in that way—and be honest when he’s in pain shook something loose in me that I hadn’t quite realised was stuck and frozen in shame. It’s okay that I’m afraid. It’s okay that I have days where my brain is trying to consume itself. It’s okay that I’m in pain. Did I get out of bed today? Have I been outside? Have I eaten? Have I done something to be kind to myself—or, failing that, kind to someone else? Have I done something creative today?

I started my “gender journey,” for lack of a better phrase, in 2018. There was a lot, a lot, of messing around with pronouns, labels. I didn’t know what I was, only that “just a girl” didn’t feel quite right anymore. And then I felt like I was lying, because, well—I was fine being a girl when I was ten, and thirteen, and sixteen, so why was it suddenly different at 25? Sometimes I still feel like I’m lying. The generation above me often still holds an image of trans people that requires them to have always been miserable, always been “pretending.” A few months ago my mother suggested it was fine if my idea of being feminine had expanded, but she didn’t really believe I was trans, because I’d never been unhappy as a girl child, and besides that I looked like a “clone” of the small handful of other transmasc and nonbinary people she’s met. I must be a pod person. (Newsflash, mom: This is just what queer people look like, a lot of the time. I cut and dyed my hair and got one singular tattoo. How terrible.)

She didn’t ask me how I feel when people call me she, or her—it makes me feel horribly small and unreal, by now—and in fairness to her, I didn’t quite defend myself either. I cringed and shrunk and asked for time to think about it, when what I wanted to say is yes, I know I haven’t had the history you expect to see from me, but this is who I am, and I’m not telling you that I was never a girl. I’m telling you that girl isn’t the place where I stop.

But I was scared, and I felt cornered, and I didn’t say any of that.

What I did have, though, was an artist and a performer and a storyteller who did things with his expression, his clothing, how he presented himself to the world that was like a lightbulb going on. The confidence of a man who told stories with the way that he looked, and who used feminine symbols to do it. He wasn’t any less masculine—but it was an embracing of both that cemented who he was, and I thought: holy shit. I can do that. Our identities are not the same, and I’m not too keen on speculating about the identities of public figures that I don’t know in any event—but it’s reassuring, motivating even, to be able to regularly see someone comfortably expressing his gender (because, yes, cis presentation is gender expression too) in a way that makes sense to him and incorporates the feminine and resonates through his art without doubt or reservation or compromise. This is who we are. Take it or leave it.

I don’t know what’s coming next for any of us. AEW looks like such a different place—in a good way—from when I started watching, and the world is looking pretty scary these days, but I’m still here. The art that got me interested in wrestling in the first place is still here, and I have my theories—unsubstantiated, so far—about where Malakai and House of Black are taking their story, but regardless of theories I’ve been so fortunate to watch them continue to grow and evolve over the past year. There’s a lot I don’t know, but I know the love for the story and the art is real.

I don’t know you personally, Malakai, and I don’t want to claim to, no matter how many scraps I’ve gathered together from interviews and how much of the backlog of matches I’ve done my best to watch so I can understand where you’ve come from and where you’re going next. But your work and your love for your craft has moved me, and I’m glad I stayed alive when it was hard so I could be around to see it when it mattered.

[divine-crows]

🎨✨️Art Magic✨️🎨

Uses, Forms of it, and Why I Think Everyone Should Try it at Least Once.

Foreword

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had been trying and failing to rekindle my flame for magic work. No matter what I tried to do I just couldn't get back into my studies and I was reaching a point where I was convinced I lost my spark and was doomed to live an empty life. Then it all changed when a YouTube Channel challenged how I thought about everything: Molly Roberts. That's when I was opened to the possibility of art magic, and I'll now share my love of it with anyone willing to read on.

What Is Art Magic?

A means to utilize art for spellwork, raising magical energy, or for exploring your magical subconscious. It encapsulates multiple different types of art and is generally not confined by conventional expectation (unless that's what you prefer).

You can utilize art magic by. . .

Using traditional art methods

Digital art methods

Collages

Music composition

Jewelry making

Embroidery

And much more!

How do I know if Art Magic is Suitable for Me?

There isn't a specific thing that'll indicate this form of magic is perfect for you, however I have some anecdotes from my personal experience as both a witch, and a regular artist that form a sort of idea on what could denote this being perfect for you!

First off, craving freedom from personal restraints was a big factor that pushed me towards blending my craft with my passion for art. If you want to run from the monotony of life, if you feel trapped by the social construction of boxes, or if you simply want to challenge your own mental restraints... then this idea might resonate with you.

Challenging yourself with a new form of magic, similarly, can also be a good enough reason to try. I'm the type of person who loves to constantly learn new things and I unfortunately get bored really quickly if I can't get new source materials. Using Art Magic has proven a fun challenge for me that allows me to explore a lot more topics you can't just open a book to find.

For those that may not be able to safely perform a lot of traditional style spells, this form of magic provides a discreet way to practice witchcraft. Most people wouldn't really question someone if they picked up the hobby of making art, and even if they did there's plenty of reasonable excuses out there.

How you prefer your spells to manifest themselves can also affect if this journey is a good idea or not. I find that Art Magic is really good when it comes to subtle spellwork that is more longform (though depending on how you construct them you can definitely create a spell that's the opposite).

Catalog aspects of your magical journey. Imagine a grimoire filled with pages of drawings, each one telling a story of something you experienced or learned as a witch. This especially may be more beneficial for visual learners.

You could use it as a means of meditation, sometimes art can be calming and it can open the door to your mind (so-to-speak). Especially if you're like me and struggle with staying completely still while trying to clear your mind, this may be helpful for you.

Trying to better understand archetypes, deities, types of entities, or even your own self can also be a big part of this. I've used art magic as a way to embody the "energy" of something before so I could better understand it. Especially when you're trying to seek knowledge that isn't often written on, it can provide a great way to explore more.

How Can I perform an Art Spell?

I have a step-by-step process that can give you some insight on how you may approach it:

1) Think of the intention you want. I like to close my eyes and meditate on it for about a minute then I write down if my mind wandered to any specific imagery or ideas.

2) Think of visual symbolism and colors that can help you capture the mood you want. Perhaps you need a warm color palette to invoke positive feelings, or maybe there are specific objects or animals you can include on the composition that represent something.

3) If you feel it fits your composition, you can include sigils, symbols of significance, and include shapes that have certain associations. It doesn't even have to be obvious either. You can use a circular composition to convey something endless for example, or a triangular composition to show priority over something.

4) In general follow what your heart tells you. This is a little cliche, but ultimately follow what seems best to you. Art isn't about boxing yourself in and my guidelines are just general ideas for anyone who's lost!

Why do I think that everyone should try it at least once?

From my experiences as a witch, I find that a lot of paths to be followed are quite rigid. By no means am I implying that a rigid structure is bad-- it creates a foundation from which we can work upon. I myself am exploring rigid, 'traditional' (for lack of a better term) ways of working magic. Art magic pushes you out of your comfort zone in a safe way. It makes you consider how you associate things. It makes you create new sigils and makes you research new symbols you previously wouldn't have used.

So next time you're lost on a spell, or you've lost your way in your Craft and you don't know what to do, think about maybe giving Art Magic a try. I hope my guide was a helpful starting point for anyone interested in the topic!

[thetarotwitch111]

This message was meant to find you! - Pick a card crystal

✨Enjoyed the reading? A tip would be a sweet way to help me keep these free insights coming. Thanks so much for your support!

✨This was a channeled messages from my guides.

✨I hope this reading brings you some clarity and guidance. If it resonated with you, I’d love to hear about it!

✨And if you’re looking for something more personal, I also do individual readings—just DM me anytime.

✨TIPS✨

1. Citrine

Why don’t you go out and live a little? I’m not talking about parties or commitments. I’m talking about feeling the wind in your hair, the sun on your skin, and the air through your lungs. This automatic life you’re living is making you miss the present moment and embrace an anxiety that’s not even yours.

Connect with yourself again, do things for yourself and no one else. Helping others is great, spiritual work is great, and making money too, but when you leave this earth, the only thing that remains is you. And don’t be afraid to try and fail. Just go for it and see where this leads you. Make your life worth the flashback.

playlist:

pocketfull of sunshine - natasha bendingfield

step out - josé gonzales

how far i’ll go - moana

sleep on the floor - the lumineers

heroes - david bowie

alright- supergrass

movie:

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Specific message for a small percentage: Call your grandparents. They’re waiting for that call you promised.

—————————————

2. Ametyst

Please be calm right now. It’s not an easy phase, and some news and situations came out of the blue. But you’re going to get through this. You’re being prepared for better moments, but some changes needed to happen for you to step out of your comfort zone. Take your time to process all that, but don’t lose yourself in grief and isolation. You’ve got what it takes to overcome this situation, so ask your guides for the support you need and keep swimming! Also, the people you worry so much about need to learn how to swim by themselves too. Everything is in the right place, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

playlist:

the show must go on - queen

you got it - vedo

breathin - ariana grande

the climb - miley cyrus

who you are - jessie j

wolves and the ravens - rogue valley

movie:

Finding nemo

Specific message for a small percentage: If you’re planning on getting a pet or two, this is your sign to just do it. It will be so good for you in this process.

————————————-

3. Rose quartz

When did you convince yourself that you’re not loved, don’t matter, or don’t deserve the best?

We have the power to make things we focus and believe in reality, but this can be a trap if your thoughts are so full of self-sabotage. Stop nurturing this bs, cause people care about you, and you should care more about yourself too. Your guides are desperate for you to ask for help and put your head up. Therapy will be super beneficial right now, but with that, try to remember the kid you were, what you really liked, who you are besides people’s opinions, and ask yourself how you really want to live your life. You are reproducing toxic traits to yourself that aren’t even yours.

You deserve love, you will find your people, but first, find and love yourself.

playlist

the middle - jimmy eat world

queen - jessie j

rise up - andra day

help is round the corner - coldplay

young folks - peter bjorn and john

come and get your love - redbone

movies:

The Greatest Showman

Eat Pray Love

Specific message for a small percentage: That idea of business of yours (for some specific group a coffee or beverage business) could go well, but in a different way. Maybe you could start by creating online content to see where this goes. A bookstore is also something you should think about, but in a fresher and edgier way.

[hermetiqa]

What's your message today?

Daily Message: 02.08.24

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS

TIP JAR

FEEDBACK

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my ask box about the reading! As well as tips on my Ko-fi. I would highly appreciate it and it'll be a huge help for me to save money for my tuition fee this year.

Pile 1

Hello, Pile 1! This is such a lovely day for a reminder. I'm getting that you're in a confused state right now. Perhaps you're confused about your environment, especially the people surrounding you. Some of your connections are not working anymore. Some people don't serve you anymore. This is because you're growing as a person and you're outgrowing them. Most of the time, you lose people along the way because the version of them doesn't go along with your new version, and that's okay. You outgrow not only yourself, but other people as well. This is your reminder to leave connections that no longer serve you. Cut off people who aren't happy for your growth and achievements in life. You don't deserve them in your life and you know this in your mind, but in your heart, you're still denying it. But one way or another, you'll realize that some people are just not meant to be in your life on the long-run, or perhaps forever. Some people don't appreciate you and you don't need these people. It's okay to let go of people who only love your miserable and unhealthy version, and never happy for your growth.

Pile 2

Hello, Pile 2! I'm seeing a lot of in denial here. I'm hearing that you're not seeing things clearly. You refuse to view things logically and you're having a hard time looking for new possibilities to have a better future. You're more of a living-in-the-present person and you're just going with the flow. But I'm getting that you're like this because you're too scared of the future. You have a lot of what ifs going on in your head. What if it doesn't work out this way? What if I regret this decision? What if I need to do this and that? What if I fail? What if I disappoint people in my life? This is your reminder that failing is a part of life, that's how you'll learn. Whenever you fail, you get up, then let yourself take the risk and fail again. If you're not going to take the risk, what's going to happen? Nothing. This is your sign to take the risk and grab the opportunity that was presented to you. You don't know whether a good future is waiting for you at the end of it. And you'll never know unless you take it. You're an adventurous person, so go and start your adventures.

Pile 3

Hello, Pile 3! I'm having a lot of emotions coming from your end. Your reading leans more towards relationships, specifically romantic relationships. I'm getting that you're in a relationship right now, whether this is a situationship or you're still dating or it's official. In any case, you might feel like the person you're dealing with is not giving you what you want or need. This person is not reciprocating your energy, efforts, and even love. You're scared of ending this connection with the person because they made you feel loved, but that's simply because no one did the bare minimum for you. But this person can't even do the bare minimum, they just do more than other people, even your friends and family. You have an emotional connection with this person, which is why it's quite difficult for you to end it. You're emotionally attached to them and you do love them. But you have to make a choice. I'm getting betrayal here. This person might be betraying you right now and they're taking the risk of losing you because for them, the grass is always greener somewhere else. I'm hearing a message that says take a break. Take a break from them and from your connection so you can actually reassess it. It's time to reassess this. You already went through a lot and this person won't be any different. Your heart might be sinking as you read this, and I know it feels heavy, but we all have to go through that so we can learn. This time is just for you to learn. Let go.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

On anon bc identifiable info - advice/thoughts? - This is really long, I'm sorry D: I'm a rambler and all the info is important (to me)

I've always had problems with stuff (according to my mom, "things have always been harder for [me] than everyone else") like I'm always the last one out the door, I lose things a lot (like hats and pencils and water bottles) because I set them down and don't realize, I have a lot of trouble doing textbook homework/notes bc I have trouble focusing

And I have a lot of trouble with social stuff, I never have a lot of friends, I can't keep friends for more than like four years, I feel really disconnected with people and people generally initially like me but like me significantly less after interacting with me a bit

I read a lot, and when I was a kid I would lose all sense of reality outside the book until someone touched me or I finished the book, but I've had a harder and harder time reading anything but fanfic as I've gotten older, and I have a lot of trouble reading very technical/instructions/nonfiction stuff

I have pretty bad insomnia, and spent ~2 years when I was 10-13 ish sleeping ~3-4 hrs/night weekdays and ~12 hrs/night weekends, I have a really hard time getting to sleep specifically - and (tmi maybe tw eating) I've had chronic minor eating issues and constipation (chronic minor dehydration, losing ~ 10 lbs over summers from not eating, etc. like I'm not dying or anything but this will probably eventually cause wear damage)

---

But I'm also a very good student, very smart, generally very good at what I choose to do, I just became a National Merit semifinalist, like, I'm doing "fine". I'm not dying, I'm not failing classes or anything, I've struggled since second semester year before last with getting things done, but I have like a 3.7 gpa rn (I could have a 4 if I tried harder (while I am capable of trying harder, it would destroy me))

I was in Gifted + Talented in elementary school, I'm an honors/ap student (my G+T teacher told my mom that the "gifted" basically means "neurodivergent")

---

I didn't get help for anything until last year, when I kinda fell off (as much as you can fall off while getting a 3.7 gpa ig) and got assessed for insomnia, which I got help with pretty easily (apart for waiting times) which was amazing. Almost went too well iykwim

And I was looking into why I was having such a hard time with everything (social, focus, sleep, schoolwork,etc) and I resonated a lot with autism and some of the feeling very disconnected from society/ other people but I was like eeeh, I'm a teen and idk I'm not, like, having it that bad, so I was looking into more quantitative solid stuff and I took the AQ + CAT-Q + stuff which still have very subjective questions but I tried to be honest and I got 32 (AQ) and 139 (CAT-Q) and 157 (RAADS-R) but like idk I could be biased or misunderstanding or idk

I mentioned feeling like I had more, underlying issues to the doctor I'm seeing for the insomnia and she was basically like "I work with autistic kids - you're not autistic" which like on one hand, you're the expert and I've only really interacted with the internet so idk but on the other, you've spent all of two hours with me, mostly asking me direct questions about my sleep or talking to my mother, like, ofc you haven't seen anything of me. Did I make too much fake eye contact with you?? (BTW if you dislike eye contact for any reason, which I always have, look at noses (my mother taught me this one) or hair (my personal fav) bc it looks like you're looking at the face, but you aren't!!)

this is getting very long winded, I'm sorry if you choose to read all this but thank you it means a lot to me to get someone who knows something's thoughts on this

So I was like "I am having other problems" and she was like "I suspect you may have inattentive type adhd" and I was initially like what?? but I'm not hyperactive. Can't have adhd. What. But I've been kinda thinking about it and lurking at the edge of adhd communities and googling stuff (google is not helpful) and maybe? idk

SO to get to my point/question

I'm very smart. (not tryna be conceited it's just I am) I'm not currently *dying* struggling, though I am having trouble staying on top of classwork

I'm a girl

I live in the USA

I'm pretty good at acting normal, I have a couple friends (one has diagnosed adhd, one has diagnosed autism, one I'm not sure, one I think? could be neurotypical? but she's also like really not idk) (I (only?) have four friends (which is a lot, for me))

I don't know if I'm "adhd enough" (or "autistic enough" if I was right initially) ((or both idk)) to get a diagnosis. I have hypermobility that causes issues with my joints and has led to me not exercising enough and having to quit violin but I'm not hypermobile "enough" to get a diagnosis or help for it (which sucks because it's literally affecting my quality of life, like, I could be an amazing musician if I didn't have this. D: )

If I try, will I get a diagnosis, or will I be "adhd, but not enough"? Should I continue to spend (my parent's insurance) money on this if it probably won't go anywhere? I'm currently 17, starting my senior year of high school. Will things get disrupted in transition to college? If I go abroad for college?

Also, will I crash and burn in college without my mother's considerable support? (tw eating again) I have always had a really hard time getting and preparing and eating food, and without her/structure idk how much I will eat. I loose weight over the summer bc we don't eat as a family much. when I'm on my own, will I struggle even more? Especially trying to juggle food and school and living independently? What about after college? My uncle was fine until he graduated college and now he's alone and a misogynist and mormon and lives with my grandma and seems kinda really miserable except way more hate-filled - am I doomed to the same path?

anyways this is really dark I'm sorry

specific questions for you are:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

If you decide to answer this, partially or completely, thank you, it means a lot to me to get someone else's thoughts on this, if not, I completely understand, either way, I hope you have a good day :)

Hello! A lot of what you wrote feels very familiar to my own experience - I was also considered a good student but found things increasingly difficult to cope with, struggled socially, lost and forgot stuff, couldn't focus etc. You're definitely not alone in feeling this way!

You are not doomed and you are not your uncle. Things can always get better, even when you're at your lowest. You never know what will happen next - you could make a friend, you could discover a new passion, you could be offered a cool opportunity, you could get the chance to pet a really friendly dog. Life isn't a straight line - you might be struggling for a bit, and then some nice stuff will happen, and then you might go through a rough patch again, but then things will improve again and you might feel better than you did before.

For eating when you go to college - identify the foods you generally find easy to make and eat and make sure you have a supply avaliable for when you're struggling. For me, that's pasta (you can get dry pasta which lasts ages in the cupboard, but you could also try fresh ravioli which has stuff inside like spinach or tomato or cheese so it's a bit more varied), crackers, bananas, and breakfast bars. That way if you can't make a proper meal, you at least eat something. Also try to carry a water bottle with you everywhere (if you struggle to drink water you could try flavoured water or juice.) If you forget about needing to eat you could set alarms to remind yourself.

Side note: did you know that hypermobility and autism very often occur together?

Onto your questions:

should I pursue ADHD diagnosis? Autism?

It's definitely worth looking into - I can't guarantee you'll get a diagnosis because it really depends on the person/people assessing you and some are more biased than others (if you're able to choose, look for people who say they specialise in diagnosing women and girls or have positive reviews from people in that demographic). Personally I found it helped a lot with getting accommodations, people understanding me, and understanding myself (even before the diagnosis was official). I will say it's usually quite a long process so be prepared for that.

Btw, you can definitely have ADHD without being hyperactive - that's the inattentive type which is more about trouble focusing.

is there anything specific I should mention/not mention/think about?

Honestly a lot of what you've written will probably come up in an assessment! I had to fill out a form with info about my experiences as a child and the traits I have now, as did my mum. If you're high masking (basically when you try to act 'normal' and hide your neurodivergent traits) do your best not to mask so the assessor gets to see you as you really are.

is there anything you think I (+ people in similar situations) should research, any specific sites/books/communities you think would be valuable?

Untypical by Pete Wharmby is an excellent book if you want to learn more about autistic experiences. The author is autistic himself and has an engaging writing style.

How to ADHD is a YouTube channel that focuses on coping techiques for ADHD and is informative as well.

I've found the autism communities on Reddit to be welcoming and supportive - you might like r/AutismInWomen which is inclusive and accepting of self diagnosis and those who are questioning.

You could also follow some of these people on instagram:

morgaanfoley - posts about her experiences as an autistic person

_ellawillis - posts about autism and ADHD and their daily life

candy.courn - posts about autism and disability as well as how that intersects with their experience as an asian person. Also has the most beautifully pink house

colourblind_zebra - makes cute and colourful art about chronic illness and neurodiversity

elliemidds - posts about autism and adhd and runs a community called We are Unmasked (weareumasked on insta)

itsemilykaty - posts about autism, mental health, and her book Girl Unmasked (which I haven't read yet but is supposed to be very good!)

Side note: I also have an instagram if you'd like to follow :) I'm itsaspectrumcomic there as well!

would therapy help with anything? social, focus, etc. (I have not had a chance, and I have been noncommittal at mentions bc. i strongly dislike people, and talking to people, and emotions ): )

Therapy can help a lot - with the right therapist! Look for people who specialise in neurodivergence, particularly in girls. The best ones are on the spectrum themselves :) It's OK if you don't click with the first one you try. You can 'shop around' until you find someone you're comfortable with (which I know can be exhausting but it's worth it when you find the right one).

are things in general going to get better, or worse? please be honest, not reassuring

Like I said before, things will get better, and then you might struggle for a while, and then things get better again. It comes in waves, at least for me. I know when you're having a hard time it can feel like it's going to last forever, but I promise it won't. There are always bright spots.

[coupleoffanfics]

Future Child

Okay, Batsis reader. Right? On board? This is around the time when y/n has given up the nightlife and hasn't detached herself from the family.

I'm gonna go off the wall and say what if the family was visited by y/n's child from the future? I know it sounds crazy, but please listen. The family could run a DNA test or the child could walk up to Bruce in broad daylight and whisper, "Hello, flying rodent".

They won't reveal their name, so they're just called V.

During their time there Dick would be so tempted to ask about the future. Maybe not things specifically about his life because he knows they can't answer questions like that. But he'll ask just stupid questions like do cats have jetpacks or something? He'd also try to get to know his nephew. What they like, personality, etc.

Tim and Bruce would be poking at them on how they got here. Though Bruce probably had to take a moment to crack a smile for a split second. He was going to be a grandpa one day and the thought made him tear up. It's just happy news all around for him but he wouldn't dare show it.

Damian would be observing them closely and taking note of their outfit which looked to be something a hero would wear. Making him wonder what kinda of hero they were and if they were any good at fighting. Both Jason and Barbara just stood back from the situation. Babs is still in a bit of shock but is happy to hear that y/n was able to gain the domestic lifestyle she wanted.

y/n's child gives them a gist of how ended up here without giving names. Dick would notice V glancing around the cave and offer to give them a tour. They except of course. He takes note of how V doesn't seem into small talk but asks a lot of questions. The whole family picks up on how X asks a lot of questions about y/n. Their mother. It's odd and a bit worrying to Bruce, but the others just think that y/n didn't talk too much about her time as Batgirl.

Everything is relatively calm until y/n walks into the Batcave for her laptop. V's calm, almost stoic mood is dropped. Tim and Bruce see how V almost took a step forward, but reluctantly stood still. How V started rapidly blinking their eyes and struggling to look at y/n.

Dick would probably zoom up to y/n with a big smile, "Hey, Mama bird, did you get the diapers?" And y/n just gives him a confused, maybe even sacred look.

Everything is going fine. The family is working together on getting them to their time. Cool, yeah, whatever.

But what if there's just something that triggers V. It could be something that was said or asked that leads V and y/n to argue. It's not even arguing. It's just V spilling out grievances about their father and kind of insulting y/n.

"I can't believe you'd still defend him even before you met him. How rich."…"You didn't plan me, but Dad did and you were somehow okay with it? I was only there to keep you down, but what about the other two? Did you love them more because Dad didn't plan them?"…"Dad may have cared about you, but not us. You weren't a monster like him, but letting him get away with so much makes you just as guilty."…"You're both broken people. Maybe you two are meant to be."

V storms off and y/n retreats to her room. Everyone is dumbstruck by this sudden revolution.

Eventually, V does apologize to y/n. When she awkwardly accepts, they get misty-eyed because they really didn't mean to say any of that. They know how she doesn't take the apology, not entirely, and they feel like shit. They do care about their mom, despite all that they said.

When it's almost time for V to return back to the future they pull the whole family aside. Excluding y/n so she won't hear what they're going to say.

"As you guessed my Dad wasn't the best. Mom never talked about any of you and with Dad being a villain I could understand why. He's not a good person in general. Mom deserved better, so this time around try doing a better job. Don't let her slip away or be taken away. If I'm born then you know you failed."

This resonates with the family and brings up questions that won't be answered anytime soon. I could see this leading the family to become yandere or overprotective. Either one is fine because their efforts are futile.

If going down the Yandere route then I could see them becoming so overbearing that y/n runs from them. They control her life. Who she talks to, where she goes, what she does. She can't live like this and she runs away when given the chance.

If going down the protective route then it's slightly better than the Yandere one. At least in terms of their relationship. They pay extra attention to her and check up on her regularly until one day she just disappears.

In each route, They'd keep a close eye on any guy that has similar physical features (ex: hair, eyes). Since V has stated they look more like their father. When she does go missing they'll search high and low for her, but there isn't anything that would locate where she is. Her disappearance keeps them up at night for many years until a vaguely familiar person visits the manor.

They awkwardly introduce themself, "Hi, my name is..."

They failed.

If anyone wants to write about this idea then go ahead. Doesn't even have to be the Batfamily. I won't write about it unless asked. I'm just not married to the idea. It almost 2 in the morning I need sleep.

[stillness-in-green]

Chapter Thoughts — Chapter 423: One For All vs. All For One

At the request of a few asks, have some chapter thoughts. I will warn everyone in advance that some portions of this post are extremely bitter. This is less salty than it is bile-flavored. It's also not quite as thorough as other posts have been, as my disillusionment with the material limits my willingness to comb the chapter for details to muse about beyond the ones that jump out at me.

None of which is to say that this post is short.

CONTENT WARNING: Confrontational rhetoric about irl prisons and the hypothetical of committing suicide to avoid them. I have strong personal feelings about some of the language I've been seeing from defenders of this chapter and I'm in no mood to prevaricate around them.

o Danger Sense continues to be some real bullshit.  My initial response to the leaks was that it was yet another dumb contrivance to make things arbitrarily harder for the villains than equivalent things would be for the Heroes, but reading the official release, I actually just think it's dumb that AFO thinks Danger Sense would have alerted him to his/Shigaraki's failing body at all.  Why would it?  Danger Sense nominally (nominally) activates based on hostility, and where's the hostility in super-regeneration failing?  If it were the remnants of Shigaraki/OFA attacking him from within his own body, that'd be one thing, but that doesn't seem to be what the first few pages are getting at. 

Rather, it's just that the power of OFA is being too much for his body, in the same way it was for Deku at the beginning.  As if, you know, Shigaraki hasn't already been surgically modified to handle both AFO and, presumably, OFA the whole time.  Ujiko only mentioned the former specifically, but given that the plan was always for AFO's new vessel to be able to steal OFA, why wouldn't that also be accounted for?  The best I can think is that AFO and Ujiko didn't know that OFA would put such strain on the body, but it's not like AFO couldn't have observed that the quirk's been growing stronger over the generations.  If he and Ujiko just failed to calibrate the body correctly, it's a failure of Ujiko's warped genius as a mad biologist and quirk scientist—which again takes us back to dumb contrivances that make things harder for the villains than they would be for the heroes.

    

o The Kurogiri scene would be very touching if it, you know, actually amounted to something.  If it didn't apparently end with Bakugou coming in to murder him.  Except we don't even quite get that level of commitment because Kurogiri was falling apart already, so you get the impression that he would have collapsed with or without Bakugou's intervention.

    

o This in turn makes Bakugou's intervention really silly and pointless.  My god, I don't care.  I do not care!  I do not care about Bakugou pushing Deku two steps forward past a barrier that was already failing.  I do not care about Bakugou getting one last stupid victory lap when he's already dramatically endured a severe beating and emotional assault, stood back up from the stupidest heart surgery in the history of fiction, and faced down everything AFO could unleash on him, far outstripping that same villain's climactic efforts fighting All Might in Kamino in what remains AFO's only semi-emotionally resonant battle in the whole manga.  As it is, this is just one more ludicrous handwaved magical cross-country teleport like every other one the Heroes have been enjoying through this whole fight.

    

o Yoichi paying attention to AFO now?  Man, imagine if we could have just skipped a bunch of bullshit and gotten this way back in Chapter 368, when Yoichi first told AFO that it was over.  Imagine if Vestige Yoichi had something like this when his actual for-real flesh-and-blood brother died, rather than having zero reaction to it whatsoever, not even looking over Deku's psychic shoulder and making a sad face about it.

o It actually kind of offends me that Horikoshi thinks he can get away with taking a stab in the direction of making AFO "sympathetic" now.  Now, after he's spent the entire endgame portraying AFO as a two-dimensional Demon Lord who was literally Evil In Utero.  And, you know, I'd buy AFO as being Evil In Utero but also capable of loneliness, sure. And I'm even more than on board with interpreting AFO as a man who's spent the last century working 24:7 to convince himself that he's heartlessly evil to deal with the loss of the only family he ever had. But the fact that this statement has been put in the mouth of Deku, who has never indicated the faintest trace of sympathy or understanding, much less compassion for AFO?  Fuck off.

    

o All that Yoichi hyping up Deku's incredible finesse in attacking Shigaraki with the stored-up OFA quirks makes me think is, "Welcome to My Hero Academia, where the stakes are made up and the past doesn't matter!"  I am so abominably weary of the endgame's—and the series in general's—willing to just baldly lie to the audience's face about what is actually happening at any given point in the story.

That was the moment when we should have had a response from Yoichi, what with Shigaraki having apparently torn AFO's vestige limb from psychic limb and Bakugou overseeing as the real man rewound out of existence.  That Yoichi didn't respond back then just made him seem like he'd written off his brother generations ago; it makes his sorrowful-yet-grateful act in this chapter incredibly unearned.  Of course, the actual reason we didn't get a beat like this back then wasn't for any reason consistent with Yoichi's feelings about his brother, nor because Yoichi was too far away to know that the brother he has a psychic bond with was dying.  No, it was because Horikoshi was already writing towards this beat instead, so he didn't need to bother.  The last time Yoichi looks the real AFO’s way was the chapter-ending Bakugou blast of 409, when it takes the first eight pages of 410 for AFO’s Rewinding death to finalize itself.  The Hawks vestige talked more to All For One in his last moments than AFO’s own brother did.

    

Internal monologue is placed where internal monologue cannot possibly exist.  Characters' plans are backdated to points in the story which are completely irreconcilable with how those characters were behaving at the time.  Surprise and dismay are pantomimed from characters who are revealed to have anticipated and planned for the very eventuality they're acting so shocked about.

The main character, a kid who was once characterized by his tendency to mutter his thoughts out loud, who had a running gag of tightly packed, densely worded speech/thought balloons, has been reduced to an empty marionette, devoid of internal monologue, scoured of thoughts more complex than the multiplication tables of his quirk combinations.  The story can retroactively say that Deku did—intentionally and willfully!—anything it wants and not have to worry about belying its phony stakes and made-for-Twitter cliffhangers because it has deprived Deku of his own capacity to reflect.  He can't spoil twist reveals of his own true intentions if the narrative completely locks us out of his head!  Nevermind how much of his final battle has occurred inside a shared goddamn psychic space.

All of this has made it totally impossible for me to read the story as a story.  Not only do I see the strings, the strings have become all I can see.

Of course the vestiges are back one last time for a dramatic punch, despite multiple chapters swearing up and down to us that we were seeing a big emotional sacrifice play.  Last chapter we witnessed the word vomit that was Horikoshi trying to justify Star's pilots surviving their planes blowing up, because that's how determined Horikoshi is that no one on Team Hero actually die.  Of course the vestiges came back.

Who cares?  Truly, who the fuck cares?  I don't care about them; I don't care about whether they'll be back again in the epilogue; I don't care about why Vestige Might and Shinomori are missing from the punch; I don't care about the story finally trying to pretend that anyone in its pages has ever given a single starving river rat's ass about All For One's humanity.

—NOW ENTERING FULL-FLEDGED RANT ZONE—

I care about the only characters who have ever been facing actual stakes in this war: Shigaraki and his followers.

    

o Even though I care, I don't have it in me to weigh in much about Shigaraki's seeming death here, and especially not his last words.  I'm far too jaded about Horikoshi's cliffhangers to think that anything I say now about Shigaraki dying and what it means for both Hero Society and the people Shigaraki leaves behind can be assumed to still be accurate two weeks from now.

I hope it's a fakeout.  I hope a chunk of Shigaraki's body fell through Kurogiri's last portal and the hyper-regen can kick back in once he's no longer being assaulted on all sides by the allies of the kid who was trying to “save” him.  I hope Horikoshi has one last stupid asspull up his sleeve.  I hope for a complete Karma Houdini ending for Shigaraki and the rest of the League.

If we don't get that, it's gonna suck, and it's gonna turn Deku into a fraud and a liar.  I don't care if the story wants me to think Shigaraki was saved; I don't care if Deku is satisfied with having saved "that crying boy."

I have not forgotten that "that crying boy" gently refused to accept Deku's "save" when the bell rang to go home. He wanted to go back to his friends, instead; he reiterated his desire to be a Hero for the Villains.  The crying child returned to the form of Shigaraki Tomura and then AFO devoured him.  Deku didn't save the child then, and he hasn't saved him now.

Remember how Eri didn't count as truly saved from Overhaul until the first time she could smile fully and freely?  Guess what stops you from doing that?  Right—being fucking dead.

And those touching last words of Shigaraki's won't do Spinner much good on account of him still being brain-damaged from a bunch of extra quirks no one can remove, because the only people who could are, again, fucking dead.

Unless, of course, the theorists are right and Deku is going to be not only not quirkless in the epilogue (meaning all that drama and emotion about sacrificing OFA is going to be another fucking lie), he's going to have the "unified" OFA+AFO quirk via Shigaraki's fistbump.  Meaning Deku can remove the extra quirks, presumably just before telling Spinner that Deku saved-via-killing the love of Spinner's life.

Solidarity among outcasts is false and toxic.  Everyone should just rely on Heroes more, no matter how much Heroes have failed them in the past.

o One last thing I want to address, less about the canon and more about the reactions I've been seeing elsewhere to the prospect of Shigaraki (and any combination of Dabi, Toga and Spinner) being dead: the idea that being dead is the best possible outcome for them because if they don't die they'll only have to spend the rest of their lives "rotting in jail."

Great job, team; nice message to take home.  Everyone pack it in.

    

Firstly, and to get this out of the way, that is a false binary that totally ignores the long history of Shounen Jump villains getting absurd Karma Houdini endings where they walk off into the sunset free as birds because they've changed their minds and resolved to be better, or at least have decided mass murder is no longer worth their time and effort.  (Vegeta wasn't the first mass murderer a Shounen Jump story rewarded with freedom and friendship, nor was he the last.)

But more importantly, that false binary is one that could only be presented by someone who truly does see prison as a fate worse than death.  No rehabilitation is possible.  No supervised release or house arrests in the care of assigned guardians who want better for them.  No lenience can be granted in recognition of the League's mental states; they can be admitted to no mental hospitals focused on therapy.

The "better death than prison" line is the product of a perspective that has never had to seriously consider the prospect of living behind bars.  It's a childish imagination of prison as a nebulous Bad Place where Bad People go to be Punished For Being Bad, or a self-righteous fantasy of a cold hell where sinners are sentenced to suffering eternal.

People can tell that the League have suffered too much to sentence them to Forever Bad Times, so they comfort themselves with the idea that at least they died happy, instead of living forever in a pop-culture-informed crayon doodle of concrete and solitude.

I’m not here to tell these readers that there aren't people in the world who would rather die than live under watch for the rest of their lives.  I won’t deny that Japanese prisons are bleak and there’s every chance that the prisons in Horikoshi’s fictionalized Japan are even worse.  But I am asking people espousing the view that death would be better than incarceration to seriously consider all the angles on what that sentiment means.

If it were you facing the life sentence, are you so sure you would prefer to take your own life?  If it were someone you loved who would rather die than face imprisonment, would you help them—hand your older brother the gun, or your younger sister the knife?

Or would you want to hope that they could get some help instead, have an opportunity to connect to something meaningful—find religion, take up reading classic literature, connect with someone inside or via letters?  Would you want them to accept the lawful punishment for what they'd done rather than evade it by ending their lives?  Would you want them to hold on in case their case could be reassessed someday, that they might eventually finish serving their sentence or be moved to someplace that would focus on helping them rather than punishing them?

Would you want a glorified cop in a cape making that decision for them—or you—based on that cop's ability to "forgive"?

If you think prison is a fate worse than death, why is it okay that people like Gentle Criminal or the Shie Hassaikai Trash Trio have to endure it, while mass murderers, serial killers and insurrectionists like the League get to escape through death?  Think of every purse snatcher who gets paraded in front of cameras with their arms bound and their face muzzled; think of Twice at sixteen; think of Mr. Compress now.  Do these people deserve to suffer in the kind of torment you're imagining prison must entail?  Would it be better for them to die rather than endure it?

If prisons in BNHA's Japan are so terrible as all that, isn't that something the kids should try to fix?  Shouldn't that be a part of the mass societal improvement project people are swearing up and down the kids will have nicely sewn up in the epilogue?  If the kids aren't going to fix these prisons—these places that take suicide risks like Ending and spit them out worse than ever; these places like Tartarus where the wardens call the people in their charge monsters and animals—then why should I believe the kids are going to fix literally anything else?

Or is it simply the case that it's perfectly fine that prisons should be this way; shitty prison conditions are only bad when it's the villains whose sympathetic backstories we know who're facing them?

"It's a shame, but the League has to pay for their crimes."  But why does that “have to be”?  Isn’t it because no one involved—not the characters, not the author, not the people who accept this ending—can envision a world where the “has to be” could be otherwise?

That's the problem with, "Killing someone can be a way of saving them," and, "They would have just spent the rest of their lives in prison anyway."  It's a stunted mentality that leaves no room for the radical reforms and systemic improvements that are necessary to stop this whole cycle from repeating.  Worse, as I very much suspect we're going to see in the epilogue, it's a mentality that says the system is actually fine as it is—the only real problems were caused by a tiny handful of bad actors, and now that they've been removed, everything else will self-correct, and things will go back to normal.

    

That precious, perfect status quo that Deku swore to return: this is the way he brings it back, it and everything that comes with it.

    

o In summary: if this ending sticks, then what we have in My Hero Academia is thus:

A world that played at being grounded, but which turned out to run on arbitrary rules, magic thinking and Evil Babies.

Characters that were presented as radically kind, but whose endgame resolutions represented a cruel underlining of the status quo, in which only those who suffer in silence deserve not to have to.

A story that wanted to be staunchly idealistic but which ultimately entrenched to hollow, meaningless platitudes.

o P.S. So like, Nana’s vestige saved Shigaraki off-screen, right?  So even after all her fear that Shigaraki would have to die, even after all the efforts she and Deku made to help Deku break him down, at the very last moment, she wanted to save him.  And she did so in the only reason she could, as one psychic scrap to another: she held his soul together when he was shattering apart.  But when Deku comes to the very last moment, when Shigaraki’s body is shattering apart, does he do anything to try to hold Shigaraki together?  Try to tell Shigaraki how to use Black Whip to hold his body together, call for Sero and his tape, Aizawa’s Erasure, anything like that?

If it doesn't stick?  That I'm less sure of.  But I'm pretty sure Deku's fucked as the Symbol of Hope no matter what.  There’s no way, at this point, to fix his portrayal as the kid who has a drive to save that eclipses all common understanding.  Every part of the story, before and after that declaration of Yoichi’s in Chapter 287, has served to undermine that claim.  This is just the last nail in the sky coffin.

    

Nah.  Instead, he just administers one last punch to finish the job.  The boy with the drive to save that eclipses all common understanding, everyone.

[luv-y0urself]

don't go breaking my heart. (sneak peek!)

neighbor!taesan x fem!reader genre : slice of life, fluff! | wc : 1.4k words | warnings : cursing, mentions of breakups, loud neighbor taesan, drunk taesan… 𖤐．i promise i'll finish this soon and post it asap... but for now, here's this !

The constant boom of the bass from across the wall. The constant singing and rapping from across the wall. The constant clinkering of different instruments from across the wall.

For the fourth day in a row, Y/N couldn’t go to sleep. If it wasn’t for her damned neighbor, always waking up at around 2PM and blasting music until around 4AM (she could always tell when he woke up because of the crashing noises… Along with sounds of him groaning after he obviously hit himself on something). He was practically nocturnal. It didn’t help that all he sang about was this girl who had stolen his heart and appealed to her through his lyrics, telling her that he was the “one and only.” What a psychopath. I have had enough, Y/N thought. Y/N threw her soft, ivory-colored duvet back and walked to her doorway, slipping on her white Adidas slides as she opened her door. She was going to end this, once and for all. … And figure out who the fuck was doing this the entire time. She had never seen him outside of the house, and she was more than curious to have a good look at his face. Knock knock! No reply. Still blasting music. Y/N hit the door harder this time, feeling as if it would bruise her knuckles. She was wincing at the pain when the music abruptly stopped, causing her to snap her head up devoid of noise. Soft padding of feet could be heard approaching the door. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I didn’t decide on what I was going to say specifically— “… Can I help you?” The voice that Y/N had heard too many times through the wall resonated through the long hallway, and Y/N was dumbfounded at the sight in front of her. The man was… Well, he was fucking gorgeous if she was being brutally honest. Sharp eyes that tilted downwards the end, a distinctly shaped (but pretty, nonetheless) nose, glistening lips as if he had just put on chapstick. His hair looked strikingly similar to an... Oreo, with the top portion obsidian black, the middle part bleached, and the bottom black once more, straightened and covering his dark brown eyes slightly. His tall and lean frame was adorning a white baggy jersey with black sweatpants that complimented his form well enough for her to drop her jaw before she dragged her eyes back up to his own piercing ones. … I’m so fucked.

…

After the rather awkward introduction Y/N had with her neighbor, she went back into her house and threw herself onto her bed, which struggled to support her weight as it creaked. What the fuck. Why was he so good looking? She couldn’t even say anything… She was practically close to being incomprehensible because she was so dumbfounded at his beauty. “I… Uh… Could you… Could you t-turn down your music? I… I can’t go to sleep.” “Oh, could you hear everything? I’m sorry.” Then he slammed the door on her. Slammed. … He didn’t need to slam the door like that, did he? Y/N shook her head. She needed to go to sleep while she had peace; after all, she had classes tomorrow bright and early in the morning (evidence of how terribly she had failed in registering for classes). Thankfully, the music couldn’t be heard anymore, and Y/N thought she didn’t have to see him again, saving her from further embarrassment.

…

If you told Y/N that she would be standing in front of her door, her hand clutching a frying pan, terrified for her life merely seven minutes ago, she wouldn’t have believed you. Beep, beep, beep, beep— “Why…” Why was her lock beeping like that? Was it someone trying to rob her? At 3AM in the morning? Just last week, she had to deal with her hot neighbor, and now this? Y/N wanted to cry, but instead made the (somewhat) more reasonable decision of inching closer to the door, her hand now clasping her door handle. She took a deep, shaky breath, and whipped the door open. “… Hot neighbor?” She slapped her hand over her mouth as she realized she said that out loud, her eyes dilated thrice in size. But her neighbor didn’t reply. His head was facing downwards, and his body was swaying softly left and right, his body blatantly lacking conscious control. Y/N placed her frying pan onto the small table she had left in front of her doorway, and just in time to catch his body from falling onto her. “Oh, what the fuck—” The ridiculously strong smell of beer and soju filled her nostrils, making her gag. How much did he have? She tried to place him upright on his feet, tapping his shoulders. “… Hey, hey, can you hear me? You’ve been trying to enter the wrong house. Here, I—” She opened her door again and stepped out into the hallway, struggling under his weight but still going to the door directly next to her own. “What is your password?” She leaned under to try and meet his eyes, covered by his long bangs. “… She left me.” “Pardon me?” “She left me… Said I was too cold… I’m just… I…” Fat, glistening tears began rolling down his cheeks, and Y/N wondered what she had done in her past life to get her into this situation.

…

Y/N opened her eyes slowly, blinking them as she immediately let out a groan. “Ah, fuck.” She arched her back, trying to crack it back in place — a consequence of sleeping against her bed last night, not on it. Who was on it, you ask? … Her hot neighbor. Speaking of which… Y/N turned around, coming face to face with said man. Holy shit— “Who… are you?” His raspy voice filled the air around them, and Y/N felt the urge to cry again.

…

“Did I… I really said that?” “Yes, you did. And then you started sobbing, so I had to take you in my house instead of yours, since you didn’t seem like you wanted to go inside your apartment anyway.” With his horrible bedhead, her hot neighbor (who introduced himself as Taesan), listened to her summarizing everything that had happened the night before. Y/N sighed. “And now I missed my econ class…” She murmured. Who was she going to have to contact for notes? She hadn’t really escaped her comfort zone to go talk to people yet, except the handful of girls she knew because of a group project from another class specific to her major. Maybe one of them took this econ class before? Y/N snapped out of her thoughts when he began to speak again, her eyes focusing on his sheepish form sitting on her bed. He was scratching the back of his neck, pursing his lips. “I… I apologize. I just… I had a rough day yesterday.” Y/N sighed but nodded her head. She understood the pain of having to let go of someone you loved; she had felt that feeling, too, merely a few months ago. “Not that you’re off the hook or anything, but yeah, I get it. Just don’t try and break into my house again; I almost had a heart attack because I thought someone was trying to rob me. And because I need some good sleep. I don’t think I can feel my ass right now…” Taesan let out a small smile at that, allowing Y/N to see for the first time what it was like for him to have a pleasant expression on his face. She studied him carefully, finding it cute that he was sitting on her bed, probably not knowing about his raven’s nest of hair and half-closed eyes. She quickly shook the feeling off and stood up, brushing off dust that had collected on her body overnight as she threw her arms over her head, twisting this way and that to get a good stretch. “Hey.” Y/N peeked out of one eye, signifying that she was listening, still stretching her body from being folded against the ground for such a long period of time. “How about… Do you have classes later today?” “Today? Today’s… Friday, so no. I only had the econ class to go to. Why?” She had stopped stretching now, and focused all of her attention on him; why was he trying to figure out her schedule? “Okay… Okay, that’s good.” He looked up at her standing form, giving her a small grin. “How about I treat you to some lunch? As my token of gratitude for you not leaving me out in the hallway to freeze my ass off.” Y/N tilted her head in response, but slowly nodded as she realized what that meant. Free food. Besides, her hot neighbor was the one who was buying the meal! Who wouldn’t say yes? It was like a one plus one package. “Deal.”

reblogs + feedback are greatly appreciated ! © luv-y0urself / 2024

[jq37]

FH Junior Year Post-Season Thoughts

With another season of Fantasy High in the books and my recaps all finished, I wanted to do an overview of my thoughts on the season as a whole. Even though I feel generally positive about my experience with the season, there are a few things I think maybe could have been done differently narratively or mechanically. This isn't to criticize the way the season went down or to backseat DM/Play. More my combined ten years of college for textual analysis and storytelling bleeding through, haha. 

I first want to start with the things I thought worked really well.

Fantasy High has "High" right in its title but, in past seasons (and especially Sophomore Year), not as much time as you'd think was spent actually at school and even if it was spent at school, there wasn't much time spent in class or engaging with the realities of being a student. This season really dug into the academic consequences of skipping your classes all the time and the realities of needing to do a ton of extra stuff to try for a scholarship and I think that was a refreshing thing to highlight for a change. Being more scared at flunking out than the dragon that's trying to eat you feels very emotionally resonant. Real "High School Is Killing Me" vibes for anyone who's a fan of NPMD. 

Even though Fantasy High is a show that has some deep emotional beats and strong character arcs, it's first and foremost a comedy show. From the jump, everyone was generating bit after bit that had me cracking up as usual. "Little girly dog collar" is one of the funniest combinations of words I can think of. I think it was Siobhan who said that this was the goofy season and, having seen it, I'd have to agree with her. It never failed to make me laugh and it was always a highlight of my week.  The cast just has great table chemistry that I love to watch no matter what they're doing. 

Watching some of these high level combat encounters is as close as I'll get to understanding people watching sports. Even though combat is generally my least fave part of D&D, I think the cast really killed it this season with how cleverly they played and Brennan came up with some really great combat encounters. Special shout outs to Baron's Game and The Last Stand for their unique mechanics.  

This is going to be one that's on the other list as well because my feelings are mixed, but I genuinely do like the downtime mechanic and how it forces hard choices. I think it's an interesting way to connect a mechanic to the story and cultivate stressful atmosphere for the season.

I have problems with the execution but I love the Rat Grinders in concept. I think as early as season 1 I was hoping that we'd meet a party that was like the Bizarro Bad Kids and the idea of a party that's farming XP instead of going on crazy adventures is a strong concept. Likewise, I think a character that's jealous because of your "cool" (read: tragic) backstory is also a fun trait for an unhinged antagonist in this kind of setting.

This is me absolutely showing my bias but I adored the Abernant Sisters content this season. I dunno if Siobhan specifically asked Brennan to not put her on a bus with the other beloved NPCs or what but I'm so glad she stuck around and we got the development we did. It was almost entirely ancillary to the plot but there was this clear pattern of Aelwyn getting softer and sweeter towards Adaine over the course of the season, from the guarded, "Enjoy the nemesis ward," to, full I love you's and, "I'd take them to get you." It was way more focus than I expected considering that Aelwyn completed the bulk of her arc last season and a lot of the time, a redemption arc basically ends after the big gesture (in this case, Aelwyn taking a magic blast for Adaine in Sophomore Year). So the fact that we got to see all of these sweet moments of them reestablishing their relationship outside of do or die moments was such a pleasant surprise. Again, I fully admit I am extremely biased, but this was my top wishlist item and the season overdelivered so there's a baseline happy I'm always gonna be with Junior Year. 

OK, so moving on to things I things I think could have been tweaked.

Even though I liked the downtime system and the pressures it created, it also squeezed out the chance for more casual PC to NPC interactions that would usually be more common because they were semi-locked behind the relationship track and there wasn't an obvious benefit to roll for Relationships (as opposed to something like Academics which was crucial for not flunking out). Making the mechanical benefit more clear would have helped that (even if it meant Brennan didn't get his reveal--which he ended up just telling them anyway so might as well do it early). The other thing is that the consequence of a rage token was so bad that of course they spent all season avoiding getting one. Things might have gone differently if the consequences had been a bit more obscured, like in Neverafter. And it could have been a nice parallel to the Rat Grinders to take this unknown resource that makes things easier for you but is also having this negative effect. Then it could be like dang we did the same thing they did unknowingly. 

I mentioned this in my recap but I'll talk about it again. It is a little confusing to me that we did the Ankarna subplot right after we did the very similar Cassandra subplot. It took up so much time this season which I don't think is an issue in and of itself, it's just that we literally just went through some extremely similar beats last season. Why double up on this same storyline when there's so much new ground to cover? Or if we're going to raise a god, why not make it a different kind of god? One theory I had early on was that the Rat Grinders were trying to raise their own god to one-up the Bad Kids but instead of raising a chill, misunderstood Cass type, they accidentally raised a god who was erased for a good reason and got in over their heads. 

It's fun for there to be connections between seasons but sometimes it's like, OK that's a *lot* of coincidences. Like the god who your rivals is trying to raise *happens* to be the wife of your cleric's god and also *happens* to be the god of the fiend trapped in your friend's mom's chest and that fiend *happens* to be the relative on your bard's dad's side which is *also* the reason she is randomly cursed? That's a LOT of red string connecting plot points. As unhinged as Kipperlilly is about coveting Riz's backstory if I saw that go down I'd be like you have *got* to be kidding me.  

The mystery elements didn't feel like they clicked as well as they did in other seasons. I think that's partially because Porter's plan was so convoluted (seriously, I made another post about how haphazard his plan was) and had all these moving parts and we didn't get clear answers for a lot of mechanical things like how the rage crystals actually work and when they were implanted and stuff. You had stuff like Devil's Honey which I think is super cool as a thing that exists in the world but ended up being an element that just led the players down the wrong path and had a relatively small payoff (that Porter was using it to lie to Ankarna). I think it's plausible that a forgotten god would be willing to listen to anyone saying the right things without introducing this element. (As opposed to, for instance, Ambrosia which has a very clear connection to what's going on and is a solid clue that someone is flirting with aspirations of godhood.) 

The Porter reveal came so late in the season that even though it was a fun/challenging fight, there wasn't a lot of emotional weight behind killing him. It was basically just dunking on a teacher Fig has always hated who was also mean to Gorgug so screw him. Which, valid of course. But the Bad Kids were never going to react as strongly to Porter as they were to the Rat Grinders so putting Porter in the prime villain spot isn't necessarily what I would have done if I wanted the fight to be more than just a brawl--especially since we've done "School admin with student minions" already in S1. I don't mind the full circle callback but it would have been nice to pick something else for the sake of variety. We haven't had a child mastermind yet and I think Kipperlilly could have been a great candidate for that. My friend suggested that it would have been fun if Kipperlilly was trying to become a god instead of just being Porter's underling and I agree. "I'm not anyone's chosen one so I'll choose myself," is still within her established jealousy and Type A tendencies. If we want to keep Porter involved since that was Brennan's gift to Emily, maybe have it be that instead of Kipperlilly working for him, he's working for her. Like Artemis Fowl vibes! And the Rat Grinders can be varying levels of on board--from true believe to redeemable. I don't think Brennan planned for the Bad Kids to ever redeem her so might as well go full megalomaniacal mastermind with her and make her The Villain if she's not gonna be nuanced anyway. If My Little Pony can do it and send a literal child to Tartarus for pony treason (or whatever Cozy Glow did), Fantasy High can too. 

Continuing from the above, if we have the Porter fight in place of the Grix fight (a la Daybreak) and don't use Ankarna, that gives way more time for the Bad Kids to investigate the Rat Grinders throughout the season and it would mean that they would have their personalities developed a lot more. With the limited downtime, they Bad Kids didn't have a lot of time to spend on these kids who were just hating on them for no good reason (valid). But if you cleared their plate of the god hunt stuff, they'd have more time for this. And if they weren't all rage zombies to varying degrees, it would be easier to see them as characters. Besides Kipperlilly (and, funnily enough, Mary Ann) we don't really have a good read on what these kids are actually like. The little time we spent with them all season was kind of a wash if them breaking out of rage means their personalities got laundered too. Anyway, regardless of how their loyalties ended up shaking out, it would have been fun for them to be more than the minions that they were in canon. As funny as it is for them to just kinda be XP farming losers, they did have the potential to be more interesting in their own right if they weren't just Porter's minions. And again, we've done adults forcing or coercing children into being minions in Freshman and Sophomore Year already. Lemme see some self-created child maniacs! (Or, peer pressured child maniacs. That's cool too. The Lucy/Kipperlilly dynamic is way more interesting to me if it's like girl, I would take a bullet for you but I CANNOT walk this path with you any further in response to *I* will be a god and you can be *MY* champion.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts! Like I said, I have my points that I think could have been tightened, but overall an enjoyable season and I will be glued to my screen if they decide to close out with Senior Year! 

[antimony-medusa]

So what kind of a dad is q!Phil anyways?

So, Phil getting Tallulah and Chayanne to wear armour and learn how to fight. Also Bad doing this with Dapper, and the Brazilians trying to do this with Richas, and the french with Pomme, but when it gets discussed, it's mostly focusing on Phil because of the contrast of Wilbur not wanting his kids to have to fight. There's some really fun discussion that comes up with that!

And the interesting thing is that when we're trying to pull up other cultural touchpoints to compare phil-and-fighting-and-the-kids to, a lot of the other characters have very specific vibes, so to speak. I was in a discussion the other day where someone compared Phil in this with the dad in Supernatural, and him getting his sons to follow him on hunts. Cause he's a dad training his kids to fight, right? From a very young age? However, I don't think this is a perfect comparison, and I wanted to share the one that comes to mind for me, despite the fact that it deals with some pretty dark topics. This whole post deals with some dark topics, you might want to check the tags, just so you know.

Anyways, I never watched Supernatural, so I didn't do much more than think emoji in the moment when this comparison came up. But I checked in with friends who have watched it, and I think Phil QSMP and John Winchester Supernatural are acting from some pretty different places. John Supernatural is teaching his kids to fight because they have a duty and a lineage and have to help save the world, but at the same time there's this tragedy there that implies that he's so focused on his duty as a hunter that he's not seeing that maybe you don't need the kids for that. They could start when they were older—or maybe they could not start this! He essentially conscripts them into a battle that shapes the course of their lives, as little warriors, and they never have a choice in it. And he's not above using them as bait, because they're warriors, right? The battle is so important? They want to be involved, they want this (of course they want this, you're their dad, and they believe you that this is important). He's a true believer.

Whereas Phil is faced with a world that actively and constantly wants to kill his kids, and he's trying to train them to defend themselves. He's trying to say that there's danger out there, you take care of yourself, I'm going to put myself on the line for you, but if I fail, if I'm not there, you won't be defenseless if it comes down to it. I have had my beef with fics that take on this topic, in fact, because I've seen people write Phil as using his kids as bait to get to the codes or forgetting his kids in his code battle, and that's not how I interpret the character motivattion and actions. For me, the way I see it, Phil is always thinking of how best to defend the eggs, and everything else is in service to this. He's a man with anxiety on an island that wants to kill his kids, not a warrior in an epic battle.

Does this mean that the eggs are gonna grow up and go to therapy about their childhood full of danger? Hell yeah they wll. This is not an ideal childhood. But— and this is the crucial thing— they're going to grow up. Same with Dapper, same with Richas, same with Pomme— living your life under constant need to teleport out to safety is bad, objectively, but when the alternative is living in the moment until you die, I think the teleporting out is better, actually.

And the comparison that comes to mind for me, because of my personal experience, is not examples in media of parents training their kids to fight, but examples in media or in real life of parents dealing with serious and or terminal illness in kids. Cause that's what my family did. And boy is there resonance there.

I don't know of any parent of a kid with cancer who likes putting their kid through treatment. Chemotherapy sucks, radiation sucks, surgery sucks, immunotherapy sucks, none of this is good. I have seen this tear up parents (and siblings) inside. But it's better than letting their kids DIE, isn't it? And before you say well, obviously everyone is on the same page when it comes to things like chemotherapy, I have *seen* people go out there and post at cancer families about how they can't believe they're putting poison in their children's bodies when they should just eat better, etc. (This take reminds me strongly of the "she shoudln't wear armour cause she shouldn't have to fight" take about Tallulah.) Serious illness in kids forces you into terrible situations, but the only saving grace is that they're better than the alternative, you hope.

The only thing that makes me go ehhhhh maybe with Phil and the Mr Supernatural is him letting Chayanne fight, but Chayanne is a kid being hunted whose sister (also being hunted) is disabled, and this happens whether or not Chayanne is involved, and he wants to try and defend her so bad. I don't think saying "let her die if necessary, don't intervene" is going to be a conversation that ends up with less trauma, if you know what I mean. That is simply a situation that has no real win conditions out of it. At least this way he feels like he has some control? (Note: this is a bad situation, there's no getting around it.)

QSMP is so often a story about forces beyond our control trying to destroy us, and while Supernatural and its ilk also has that tone, within Supernatural there's at least a population that doesn't have to be part of the battle, so opting into the battle becomes on some level a choice, and involving children in that is also a choice, one that you can hold up to the standards of allowing children to have a childhood and go "is this ethical". On Quesadilla island, there's literally no opting out of this fight. There are malevolent forces that are directly trying to destroy you, destroy your children, and the question of allowing children to have a childhood has been effectively taken out of your hands. You simply have to do the best with the situation you have, and have a birthday party while keeping the armour on. And this reminds me much more strongly of situations like childhood cancer, than it does of cases in media of people concripting their children into battle.

In both cases children are trying to fight malevolent entities that want them dead, as pushed to fight by their parents, but boy, at least to me, the tone is pretty different. I think the question of "is it self defense or did you choose to be here" is pretty important.