#but midnights is just not a good album it’s forgettable it’s got | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

guster-animations · 2 years ago

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TADAAAAA! it's done

here's a link. i think it works and that it doesn't let you edit it.

don't ask where hiveswap and beyond canon are. i couldn't do the whole thing in time and it would be silly to not upload what i have on 4/13

man i sure hope tumblr didn't completely wreck the resolution on this

here's my commentary that i made while listening:

!! DISCLAIMER !!

some of this will be a bit critical of the music created by homestuck fans. i'm not going after them as a person, i'm just saying what i don't like about their music that's probably 10 years old. i don't mean any bad faith towards the musicians who put their time and effort into creating the songs i've ranked.

vols. 1-4: obviously uuhhhh not the greatest start. mostly just bc it was 2009 and electronic music was Very limited. i ended up placing a bunch of these songs in higher tiers than i should've bc of that. nothing in these albums are very Good except for doctor and sburban jungle but it wasn't a bad listening experience

midnight crew drawing dead: did you know that kevin regamey made a song for this album? yep. the sound director of tunic. this album is pretty primitive. it's a bunch of electronic jazz imitations and they all blur together. very forgettable

vol. 5: this one is really weird. on the one hand it has some of my favorite homestuck music in general. on the other hand a Lot of the tracks suck. it shows how open and fan-friendly homestuck was back in the day. everyone got on the album, even if their song was just a sped-up version of endless climb

alternia: it's just toby fox. what do you want me to say. i enjoyed the video game inspired ones far better than i did as a 12 year old (i didn't play any video games besides minecraft/coolmath until a few years ago)

squiddles!: man this was a weird concept. no huge bangers in here imo, but some tracks are alright. definitely should be getting more attention. although some tracks did not fit their title at all like you had ONE job and that job was to provide a track that sounds like a squiddle afternoon

the felt: same thing as midnight crew where a lot of the tracks are very similar, but it's a lot better because reversed sound effects are a Much Better theme than crappy electronic jazz. also some really great tracks in here

vol. 6: this is the one with all the meme tracks. best songs are frost and obviously megalovania. on a separate note i was prepared to put courser All the way at the top with its fantastic opening and then it got into the actual song and i was thoroughly disappointed

strife!: tensei's specialty (in homestuck) is metal remixes of songs so he made a whole album of them! it's alright. i liked atomic bonsai. all the tracks are pretty unpolished. again, it was 2010, who am i supposed to blame.

alterniabound: very solid all around. not much to say lmao medium: wow this album is Very Good! half of the songs made it into my "favorites" tier so i think that speaks for itself. idk how clark powell did it but the ambience created by these tracks is really beautiful.

mobius trip and hadron kaleido: i'm gonna be real and say it. i don't like this one. it makes more sense when you consider what inspired the album--early 2010s pop SUCKS. plus michael bowman's singing voice is not great in this context

vol. 7: the edgy one! some cool ideas here, but most of them just really weren't great. or maybe i've just heard them too many times. black rose green sun would probably be higher up if i didn't listen to it so much as a 13 year old

sburb: i never listened to this album before and I Really Wish I Had. really creative and beautiful piano solos. go give it a listen the wanderers: another really underrated one! it gives so much life to the exiles

prospit and derse: i had the hsmusicwiki artist commentary pages pulled up while i listened to this and i'm not sure if solatrus's comments made me rank these tracks lower. they lack polish and he seems to agree, but maybe if these were new to me the songs would've been ranked higher. the concept is awesome though and it was handled pretty well

vol. 8: it might be the overlistening thing (Again), but this album has really not aged well for me. the songs honestly all seem rushed….. nothing is great

song of skaia: another album that sadly evaded my tween self due to bandcamp crap. it's awesome. very poetic that the original composer of skies of skaia would create a mini-album that brings the song to life in its full majesty at the end of the webcomic's first half

coloUrs and mayhem: man. this one. how is it this good? it's banger after banger after banger and it doesn't stop and i love it. they should've given homestuck to the fans when they had the chance vol. 9: an overall REALLY solid album wow

symphony impossible to play: i don't talk about it enough but i love overture canon edit and it's been my dream for years to arrange it for concert band--or really any of the four amazing instrumental tracks in the album. not that i would EVER have the guts to give it to my band directors (part self consciousness about my ability to write music and part bc it's from freaking homestuck) but it's good to have a sense of accomplishment y'know?

one year older: this guy made a whole album of chill piano tracks. actually it only has 3 of those. the other songs are outstanding as well. without a doubt my favorite homestuck album

genesis frog: ??????? how is this?? this good? it's such a wonderful classical-sounding (dw not actual classical bc that is Boring as Hell) piece that encapsulates the wonder of homestuck's environments. i am in awe

cherubim: prospit&derse walked so this album could run. that being said, the similar tracks being next to each other kinda dampens the excitement on the bangers for me. also the day before i listened to this album my right earbud stopped working and it ruined carne vale and probably some other tracks that i didn't realize had stereo audio

collide: you know how much i love oppa toby style. well you probably don't because i don't talk about homestuck music that much. well this flash is the combination of 4 homestuck musicians using their signature styles beautifully and better than ever before in the homestuck canon. also james roach is there :D

vol. 10: and the final one that i feel like doing before posting this the first time! i'll do hiveswap/pq/^2 later it's just an obvious thing to post this on 4/13 instead of the whole thing 1 week later. there's a sense of closure behind this music. it shows how much they'd grown since homestuck started and how much it impacted them as a person. and it makes the album a whole lot better because of that

hiveswap act 1 ost: this is a soundtrack with its own defined sounds and they're wonderful but the tracks are too short to stand out. rustblood fell under the curse of of me losing all my enjoyment of it because i listened to it too much. sorry :(

hiveswap friendsim: i thoroughly enjoyed the commentary provided on the hsmusic wiki. and the music duh. probably a bit rushed? how often did those updates come out? like every 1 or 2 weeks?

pesterquest: this wasn't on the tier list and i am SO SAD about it because i really like the pesterquest soundtrack

beyond canon: this album has recieved a lot of my listening time in the past, but it doesn't bring me any joy when i know what little the dedication of the artists amounted to. their commentaries show how excited they were to be on the first homestuck^2 album. they didn't know how quickly the whole thing would collapse under their feet. on the other hand all the songs slap! idk why but this is the only album i had listened to a ton that has Grown on me since then. maybe because a lot of the songs are more abstract and genre-specific than the rest of the homestuck discography, and i can recognize and appreciate that now that i'm older. shrugs well i really like the music

hiveswap act 2 ost: good. glad i can comprehend what an ace attorney is now

thanks for reading :)

#op #homestuck #413

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therecordconnection · 2 years ago

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Ranting and Raving: "Sideways" by Carly Rae Jepsen

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“Carly Rae Jepsen makes the kind of pop music that Taylor Swift thinks she makes.” I wrote that in a post yesterday after spending more time with Carly’s newest album, The Loneliest Time. It was just a throwaway thought that I had and felt it was post worthy. What is the internet for if not for throwing all your music hot takes out into the wild? I'll admit that I worry about dunking on Taylor too much sometimes. At this moment, Taylor is one of the most overexposed, mainstream pop stars, especially since we’re currently knee deep in promotion of her newest album, Midnights. She can be an easy target and one that you can easily hate and write off. Some of it is deserved hatred (she is very thin-skinned and catty, her fanbase likes to send death threats to Pitchfork writers, her private jet emissions are no joke) but some of it definitely isn't.

Midnights didn’t wow me. I thought some of it was okay, but it would definitely fall in the C-tier of my Taylor Swift Albums Ranked list. When you compare it to her other more recent pop offerings like 2019’s Lover or Red (Taylor’s Version) from earlier this year, Midnights misses the mark and then some for me. It just wasn’t an album that excited me.

The Loneliest Time clicked with me immediately.

From the first listen, I fell in love with it and thought it was just a phenomenal album. If I had to point to one thing that acts as a sign for what I’m looking for in current pop music, it’s the work that Carly presents here. The more that I’ve listened to the album, the more I’ve fallen for it. It’s just a phenomenal album.

But how, and more importantly, why, did The Loneliest Time get right for me what Midnights couldn’t? I’ve spent the last day thinking about it and trying to come up with an answer. I’m happy to say that I think I’ve figured it out.

I connect to Carly’s music and The Loneliest Time in a way that I don’t with Taylor’s and Midnights. I feel something with The Loneliest Time that I just can’t with Midnights. To try and explain this, I would like to point to my favorite song from Carly’s new album, “Sideways.”

You may be wondering, “Well, why not use one of the singles from the album? Why not use something like ‘Beach House’ or ‘Western Wind’ or ‘Go Find Yourself or Whatever’ or the title track?” Good question! Glad you asked! Those are all great songs to talk about! The title track especially! But I’m not gonna do that. I want to talk about “Sideways.”

“Sideways” is the shortest song on the record and isn’t nearly as bombastic or adventurous as some of the album’s singles and highlights. If somebody told me they thought it was the most forgettable song, I wouldn’t blame them. But I find it’s one of my favorites on the album. There are so many things I love about it. Musically, I think the entire song is catchy as hell. It’s got a great, infectious beat and the guitar in this song sounds great. The keyboards during the chorus have such a flavor to them and it adds a nice texture to a very infectious chorus. It’s such a fun little song to do a fun little dance to. Sure, it’s very sugary and sweet, but I kinda love it for that. Over the last couple of years I’ve gotten so exhausted with the sad, moody, and downbeat pop that seems to rule the airwaves this is just such a breath of fresh air for me. This was the first indication to me that Midnights wasn’t what I was looking for. I was looking for something a little more optimistic, something that is still upbeat and trying to be joyful even when it’s raining on my parade.

Pop songs like “Sideways” are so cute and fun! The beauty of pop music is that you can have songs like this that aren’t going for anything grand, they’re just meant to capture a feeling, a vibe, if you will. The production on this song does just that. It’s so slick and really tight. Nothing sounds out of place or wasted here, even on a short cut like this one. The vocal effects on the pre-chorus and the way Carly delivers it is sublime. The whole damn thing is fantastic and it’s just more evidence that Carly and her collaborators have this kind of music down to a science. This track stood out to me the first time I heard it and I just keep going back to it. It’s one of those songs that fits the description of, “I will listen to only this song for days and will only move on once I’ve become completely sick of it.”

I listened to a recent interview Carly gave to Q on CBC where she talked in-depth about the making of The Loneliest Time, amongst a few other things like joining a dating app (I love imagining her on Bumble or Tinder trying to desperately convince someone that it’s really her and not a catfish) and her experiences with life during the time of a pandemic. One highlight from that interview that I found especially interesting was her insight on connecting with others through song and feeling the need to ask who a song is for during the writing process.

"I do think it's really important to me to think like, 'Who is it for? Is that for me? Or is it something that connects?' Because to me the magic is what you get to do at the show. When you see someone else singing it or you see somebody online kind of like making it theirs and it's no longer to do with you. You're gonna have to get out of the way almost. That's like the whole magic. That's the whole point of the whole thing."

That’s when I figured it out. That’s the key difference I find between Carly and Taylor. Connection.

Taylor Swift makes music for one person and one person only: Taylor Alison Swift. People can relate to her words and find personal meaning in it. Many people have and that’s great. But the problem is that as a lyricist, Taylor leaves so much of herself on the page that I’ll never be able to separate her from it completely; her songs can never be mine. I think that’s one major reason why people have made so many jokes over the years about her dating various men and breaking up with them just so she could get song ideas. Her lyrics read like confessional diary entries but they’re so personal to her and her own experiences only that I feel no connection to them. When I hear lines like “Midnights become my afternoons / When my depression works the graveyard shift” I can sympathize with Taylor, but I can’t connect with that. My midnights and my depression look different from hers because while we’re both schmucks from Pennsylvania, only one of us is the biggest music star in the world. I don’t deny the validity of feelings she has nor deny her right to have them, but I understand that she has a lot more access to the resources to battle those midnights and depression that I don’t and will never have. I’ve always felt a kind of disconnect with Taylor and her songwriting and it’s at its worst with Midnights. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me” is fucking amateur hour, especially from a woman who has gotten it right several times before. Midnights takes no chances and she’s so absorbed in her own world and her own specific problems at this point that none of it could ever translate to mine. Taylor Swift isn’t a person to me at this point, she’s a brand. I can get a glimpse into her world with her music, but I’m only allowed to be on the outside looking in. It’s like being in a museum where I get to see the exhibits, but I can’t touch them. You can enjoy the music to your heart’s content while it’s being played, but you can’t take it with you when the show is over.

Meanwhile, I connected with “Sideways” entirely on the strength of one line alone: “I get all my confidence from you.” I admit, it’s not the most dazzling line ever, but it’s miles above something like “Draw the cat eye, sharp enough to kill a man,” which sounds like the kind of stupid “hip businessman” thing Kendall Roy from Succession would say in a boardroom meeting to interns who groaned as soon as they saw him opening the door. No line in “Sideways,” or the rest of The Loneliest Time for that matter, will haunt me the way that “Sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby / And I'm a monster on the hill” has. Would you believe that a woman who has been making music for eighteen years wrote those lines? Poets here on Tumblr have written less embarrassing lines. I can admit that “Sideways” doesn’t do anything lyrically that’s particularly outstanding. It doesn’t have the humor of “Beach House” and it doesn’t explore the feelings of a broken relationship the same way “Go Find Yourself or Whatever” does. But what it does do very well is it captures a feeling. I connected with this in a way that Taylor’s “Anti-Hero” or “Vigilante Shit” couldn’t manage. “I get all my confidence from you” was delivered so lovingly and with such heartfelt genuineness that I immediately had someone in my head that fit that line. “I’m living to look at your face / Living it up together / Ever since you said that you were mine” sounds so magical and celebratory that I had a smile on my face the first time I heard it. It sounds like victory. It sounds like what it means to be over the moon and to be caught up in that feeling of love and happiness so well, even when the song itself says so little. I think, “You go, Carly! I too want to be so satisfied that I smile at strangers!”

This song captures that kind of love where even when you’re being kind of embarrassing and making social faux paus (“One more cute disaster / Said, 'I love you' twice / Before you could even answer / It’s hard here in paradise”) it doesn’t deter from the way you feel. The song never dips or breaks its cheeriness. It’s beautiful when you’re living in a time where everything is going your way, even when things go sideways. This little song captures that happy feeling. I want more of this.

“Carly Rae Jepsen makes the kind of pop music that Taylor Swift thinks she makes.” I still stand by this statement. Here is a woman who makes pop music with connection in mind. A woman who makes pop music where the audience, no matter who that audience might be, is really considered. What can you take and keep when the album leaves her hands and enters the big wide world? The answer, hopefully, is a hell of a lot. This is fantastic pop and I hope you give this little track and some of the other songs from the album I’ve been name dropping a fair shot, because I think Carly is helping to end yet another wild year in this already wild decade with a chance to escape and have some fun. If Midnights didn’t wow you like it didn’t wow me, I’m hopeful that this will.

Carly, I’m so satisfied. Keep shining bright. You’ve reached the moon with this.

#original post #carly rae jepsen #taylor swift #ranting and raving #music essay #music criticism #Youtube

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imaginearyparties · 4 years ago

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getting to know ilana pt3: rank/score all (or just your favorite) taylor swift albums

BEFORE THE SWIFTIES COME FOR ME: this is completely removed from any quality assessment it’s just which ones happen to mean a lot to me :)

1. folklore

the unparalleled experience of hearing this for the first time at midnight while texting my friends about it. also objectively some of her best work.

2. Speak Now

can’t pick favorites on this one. there are a couple songs i don’t like, but her lyricism is on point and there are so many of these songs that just like, speak to my soul on a deep level.

3. Reputation

I get that this is not the most successful album in a lot of ways, but it came out when i was sixteen and full of angst and it just worked for me. also, i think some people truly don’t appreciate some of the songs that come later on the album. i am blind and can not see endgame.

4. Fearless

half of the songs are boring but the ones that aren’t are amazing. some of her most iconic work. tell me why and the way i loved you got me through some stuff.

5. Lover

I AM A LOVER APOLOGIST AND IDC. i get why people were disappointed in it but honestly i listen to these songs all the time. they’re happy fun time songs and we deserve that!!!! (and also soon you’ll get better comes out of nowhere and wrecks me).

6. evermore

i like evermore, there are great songs on evermore, it was unnecessary. there are some songs on this album that I would die for but some of the others are so forgettable.

7. Taylor Swift

nostalgia made me do it, sorry swifties. yes, some of these songs aren’t the best, but Mary’s Song and Picture to Burn and Our Song and Should’ve Said No are so good. i hate teardrops on my guitar though.

8. Red

the swifties are literally gonna obliterate me now that they’ve figured out what my last place is. Red is experimental for Taylor, it has all too well, and it made me buy her line of red keds when I was 12.

9. 1989

listen, i know. i know that 1989 is objectively a good album. i just haven’t really listened to it and don’t care to. I'll go to swiftie jail now.

#ilanasimaginearyball✨#besties i'm sorry #ama #ilanswers #elijahs-wife

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randomvarious · 4 years ago

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Gladys Knight & The Pips - “Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me” Soul Decade: The Sixties Song released in 1967. Compilation released in 1990. Soul

From Gladys Knight & The Pips’ 1996 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction essay, written by Dave Marsh:

Although they are best known for their great recordings at Motown in the late 1960s and the ballad hits they scored in the early ‘70s, Gladys Knight and the Pips, in fact, have had a career that encompasses the majority of rock history. Indeed, Knight is one of the few Hall of Famers who have continued to make hits from the ‘60s until the present day.

The key to this success is Gladys Knight’s voice, one of the more remarkable instruments of the rock, soul and R&B eras. A perfect blend of grace and grit has allowed her to record such masterpieces of balladry as “Neither One of Us (Wants to Be the First to Say Goodbye),” “If I Were Your Woman,“ “Midnight Train to Georgia” and “Every Beat of My Heart” while also making such funky dance numbers as the original “I Heard It Through the Grapevine,” “The Nitty Gritty,” "Friendship Train,” “I’ve Got to Use My Imagination” and “Love Overboard.”

Missing from that list of masterpieces, however, is a criminally slept-on classic, “Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me,” recorded in the earlier days of the group’s tenure at Motown. “Take Me In Your Arms” originally appeared in 1967 on Gladys Knight & The Pips’ Motown debut LP, Everybody Needs Love, and while the single did rather well in the UK, peaking at #13, it fell surprisingly flat in the US, managing to only grace the upper reaches of Billboard’s Hot 100 chart.

So, why did that happen? Well, there appear to be a few reasons: one, Berry Gordy really ran the Motown label in a tiered structure. While some artists that Motown spent less of their attention and money on were able to squeeze out a gigantic hit here and there (Martha and the Vandellas and The Marvelettes, for example), most of the label’s resources (session musicians, promotion, and their best songs) were devoted to the acts at the top of their pyramid, like The Supremes, Marvin Gaye, and The Temptations. And Gladys Knight & The Pips simply were not ever in Motown’s top tier, even though they certainly deserved to be. Case in point, before Marvin Gaye wound up selling four million copies with his own rendition of “I Heard It Through the Grapevine,” Gladys Knight & The Pips’ original version, released subsequently after “Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me,” managed to sell two and a half million copies, becoming Motown’s bestselling single at the time. And still, despite that awesome accomplishment, Knight & The Pips continued to play second fiddle at Motown.

And the reason for all that shunning might actually lay at the feet of Diana Ross’ own politicking. Gladys Knight claims in her autobiography that Ross, out of fear for her act being possibly upstaged, actually ordered Knight & The Pips kicked off of a Supremes tour in 1968, simply because their performances were just too good. It’s possible that Berry Gordy didn’t want to upset one of his cash cows by giving more attention to Knight & The Pips, who could’ve ultimately ended up usurping Diana Ross & The Supremes’ status as Motown’s top female-led group (and the same could hold true for all of Motown’s other numerous girl groups, too). Knight also claims in her book that it was actually she who suggested Berry Gordy sign The Jackson Five, but in transcribed Motown lore, Diana Ross is the one who is usually credited with discovering them. Needless to say, regardless of whether it was mutually felt or not, there was clearly bad blood between Knight and Ross, and after Knight & The Pips’ contract expired with Motown, they jetted on over to the Buddah label, a move that enabled them to really spread their wings and have their talent properly nurtured

Another reason why “Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me” might have failed to succeed stateside is the song’s lyrical content. The words in this one may have been just a tad too sexually suggestive in 1967 for radio DJs to take a chance on. I mean, just look at some of these lines:

This feeling is too strong to hold Any second now I'll explode Now's the time, now's the time Take all of this love of mine

If you knew that playing this sexy song about sex on the radio could possibly land you in hot water and cost you your job, would you still spin it? Probably not, right?

And although I was personally unable to find any trace of the following allegation, a censored version of this song apparently originally appeared on the Everybody Needs Love LP, and ended up really messing with the song’s overall flow, both musically and lyrically, reducing it down to a forgettable tune whose obvious and sloppy editing was worthy of an incredulous eyeroll. But it appears that the original unedited version has been restored on issues of the album for years now because I’m unable to locate a deliberately censored version of this song on YouTube.

There’s also the fact that Berry Gordy was someone who sought to sell his records to as broad an audience as possible (read: white), and a black woman freely expressing her sexuality so transparently in 1967 might’ve ended up ruffling some feathers and causing some unwanted blowback for Motown, which is something they probably had no intention of inviting for a second-tier act on their roster. But if that’s the case, one has to wonder why the song was recorded with those lyrics intact in the first place. Although a watering down of the lyrics would’ve caused the song to partially lose its intended impact, they still could’ve just tried to sell it that way instead of taking an axe to its entire structure for the album cut, no? The sound of the song would’ve been just as good, but its lyrics would’ve been compromised. And that’s clearly better than changing both the flow of the music and the lyrics, right? Something just doesn’t add up with this whole line of thinking to me.

Either way, the song somehow managed to slip past the censorious ears of the UK’s pop culture gatekeepers and went on to rightfully succeed there instead. And that’s why this track is included on UK soul retrospectives, like Soul Decade: The Sixties, and not US ones, despite the fact that it’s clearly such a good tune.

“Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me” is really just a piece of late 60s Motown soul perfection that more than deserved to be a top hit in America. It was produced by Norman Whitfield and he would then go on to become a frequent collaborator with Gladys Knight & The Pips at Motown, including with the group’s following single, “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” And Whitfield’s production on this particular song is really nothing short of sensational.

“Take Me In Your Arms And Love Me” comes with wonderfully slow and carefully crafted build-ups, and is chock full of different instruments, including a harpsichord, an acoustic guitar, horns, snare drums that guide the music’s overall intensity by alternating between a calm heartbeat and a bouncy thump, and high-pitched strings that creep from the background to the foreground to match Knight’s own vocal melody at the end. And speaking of Knight, she is of course an indispensable piece of this song, too. Her vocal “blend of grace and grit” that Dave Marsh alludes to in one of the paragraphs quoted above is on full display here as she shows her ability to go from a soft, irresistibly inviting tenderness to a loud, exhilarated passion in a split-second’s time. Knight is singing as if she is in the midst of an extended, ecstasy-inducing sexual experience and that’s what she, Whitfield, and The Pips were going for all along.

Really, just one of the most underrated songs in the history of Motown. It’s a total shame that it didn’t perform better in the U.S., but that appears to have been for a confluence of reasons that were ultimately out of Gladys Knight & The Pips’ control.

#soul #soul music #music #60s #60s music #60's #60's music #60s soul #60's soul #60s soul music #60's soul music

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marksarmel · 5 years ago

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Another edition of What I’m Consuming for you to consume.

What I’ve Been Consuming 05/13/20

Look, we are not heroes for staying home and watching ungodly amounts of tv, but it’s the smart thing to do. So let’s all be smart while calcifying our brains with movies, tv, video games, comic books, Zoom meet ups, the FUCKING INTERNET that contains the entire collection of human creation and knowledge and our favorite snacks. I’m settling in with Flaming Hot Cheeto’s popcorn, Pork Rinds and the occasional edible with my favorite cocktail. I wash all this down with my nightly dose of Simvastatin, my cholesterol medication.

Also, let’s get out and walk around since it’s beautiful weather right now. This is especially important for those of us in the Midwest who were blessed with snow just last week!

Recently finished the Amazon series Hunters. It was good, but looking at it as a whole it seemed to be holding something back. The characters felt like they were supposed to be larger than life and more bombastic, but they were instead subdued. Even Al Pacino is reserved. Was it a comic book adaptation or an inspired-by-actual-events type show? it was a compelling story somewhat overshadowed by not being sure what kind of show it wanted to be.

Midnight Gospel! Oh my god where to begin? This is simply great tv. The rhythm of the show sets in super fast and all you can do is hold on for the duration. I’m nearly done with the season and it’s deconstruction of philosophy and life and death are pretty timely, but never preachy. Just sit down and enjoy. Best served with a side of your favorite marijuana infused edible.

The new limited series RUN from HBO quickly got me hooked. It’s premised on two old lovers who have a pact to meet again if one texts “RUN” to the other. After 15 years one texts the other and our story begins! It was no struggle for me to dive into this show since I’m already well along in my Merrit Weaver addiction. She has been a spoonful of sugar with a side of cake in shows such as Godless and Unbelievable. I’m making room on my calendar now to watch her in Nurse Jackie and I’m super embarrassed to admit that I had no idea she was Denise in the Walking Dead. Ok, enough about Ms. Weaver, Domnhall Gleason is in this show too.

I’m rewatching Watchmen because it was one of the best shows of 2019. It is great to see Damon Lindelof stick the landing like Simone Biles on this one. It was completely engrossing in every way.

For a much needed salve of humor in these times Middleditch and Schwartz is absolutely sting free healing. It’s a short three episodes and all three episodes are solid, but one and two are the best.

Killing Eve is back and I couldn’t be happier! So so happy to have all of these characters in my life. So so sad at what happens to them.

Quick Bites - Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is still living its best life. Real Time with Bill Maher not so much. Still keeping up with Homeland, but season 5 is not the best. The Westworld season finale wrapped up a wobbly season with a solid if forgettable final episode. I miss the heady hard to understand first two seasons. Props for some good action sequences this season though.

I need to get back too… I started Lock and Key a while back and lost it somewhere in the ether. Also, an FB convo reminded me to get back to Doom Patrol. I never finished Counterpart either. (Looking back at my post from last moth I see that I also mentioned getting back to Counterpart then too, so it’s probably safe to say I won’t be getting back to it.) Not sure if these shows were good or bad or just not coming at me the right way. Oh, oh! Devs I do want to finish that, but yes I do agree with others comments that the main character’s acting is… not the best.

MOVIES

The Apostle - Starring Dan Stevens from Legion, The Guest and Downton Abbey this movie starts out a bit slow, but winds itself up to a flat out bonkers ending. Worth watching with the lights off and no bathroom breaks.

I started the great Korean action flick The Villainess, but I fell asleep before finishing it. Can someone call a movie great if they fall asleep during it? If that someone was absolutely thrilled by watching the opening sequence then yes, yes they can.

GAMES

Still finding myself indulging in the occasional Mario Kart binge. Also got some friends together for Bomberman which is frivolous fun. Spent a few hours back with Mario Odyssey too. Purchased Child of Light a few days ago so I’m hoping to get to that soon.

BOOKS/COMICS

Not much in the way of books month. In the comics world I did start JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, but was thrown off by the revelation that the book I’m reading, which is marked book 1, is actually part two in the story. Shrug emoji.

I did finish the first trade in the Outcast series from writer Robert Kirkman, now superrich and superfamous creator of The Walking Dead and not so famous, but no less talented, artist Paul Azaceta. It is filled with great dread and atmosphere. It does not wrap up the story in the first trade which always irks me.

MUSIC

I was excited to see that Fiona Apple’s new album “Fetch the Bolt Cutters” came out! Then I listened to it. And listened to it again, and then listened to it one more time. It is an uneven album that frustrated me with how many songs are filled with the same refrain. I love the music, the writing not so much. That being said Under the Table, Rack of His and For Her are repeat listens for me.

Drake dropped a new album/mixtape called ”Dark Lane. Demo Tapes” and so continues my love/annoyance with Drake’s music. Listening to Drake’s music is like being in a 60+ year marriage and still being very much in love, but absolutely hating how your partner chews with their mouth open.

RANDOM NOTES

I discovered Coco Rico soda in a local Asian Market. It’s a lovely sweet coconut beverage.

As mentioned earlier Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Popcorn is becoming my new go to snack. Move over Doritos Cool Ranch because Chester Cheetah is here!

I was in a good running routine and then it started snowing and raining all the time. Back to the couch for me.

That about sums it up for this month. Don’t be afraid to skip your next work Zoom meeting. The work will be there tomorrow.

#Watching tv #playing games #listening to music #reading comic books #what i'm consuming #MarkSarmeldoesthesethings

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thisaintascenereviews · 2 years ago

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Carly Rae Jepsen - The Loneliest Time Canadian pop singer Carly Rae Jepsen just got done dirty by her record label, thanks to the release of her newest LP, The Loneliest Time, because it came out the same day as a little album called Midnights by Taylor Swift. That’s the album that people were talking about for the last couple of weeks, and it seems like this album got caught in the crossfire and forgotten about. I don’t know if I’d say it’s rightfully so, either, because Jepsen is one of the most interesting and energetic pop singers currently. I haven’t listened to any of her music in the last seven years, give or take, since Emotion: Side B came out, but she did release Dedicated in 2019 and Dedicated: Side B in 2020, I believe. I just never listened to them, but I might have to go back and check them out, just to see what I was missing. Even so, I wanted to check out this album for one reason -- the title track, featuring Rufus Wainwright, is going viral on TikTok, of all places, so I’ve been hearing one line from the song that’s been going viral, and I wanted to check out the rest of the album just for kicks. I’ve always really liked Carly Rae Jepsen, though, and her 2015 album, Emotion, is a fantastic slice of 80s-influenced synth-pop. It’s rather simplistic, but that’s what works about it. A song like “I Really Really Like You” is so simple, but it’s so fun, upbeat, and catchy, I love it. I’ve heard that she moves away from that sound, at least on here, but I was curious about it. I’ve given the album a couple of listens, and yeah, that’s true, but to mixed results. If you want the short version, this album is okay, because a lot of songs are kind of forgettable, but there are a handful of really, really songs that I enjoy quite a bit and I may keep coming back to. A lot of this album isn’t that interesting, though, and it just blends together in the worst ways. It’s not that it’s even outright bad, it’s just bland. Songs like “Bends,” “Sideways,” “Bad Thing Twice,” and “Shooting Star” are a few of the songs that just do nothing for me, and I had to look at the titles, because I couldn’t remember them. There are some songs I really like, such as the title track, “Far Away,” “Talking To Yourself,” “Western Wind,” and “Surrender Yourself,” just to name a few. There are a few more, but these songs are genuinely good. The hooks are very strong, the lyrics are well-written, and the vocals are great. She’s a good singer, but she isn’t great. She’s really good when she has the right hook and the right sound behind her, though, and on the songs that don’t work for me is where that isn’t the case. The songs just don’t click, but on the songs I really like, they click for me. It’s as simple as that, as this album is rather generic synth-pop, minus maybe the title track, and the song “Go Find Yourself Or Whatever,” which isn’t one of my favorites, as it’s this boring 5-minute folk-pop kind of thing, but it’s definitely different. This album is much different compared to her earlier work, but in a good way, I’d say. I’d say the album is fine as a whole, but there are songs that are stronger than others. The songs I don’t care for really aren’t even that bad, they’re just boring and not interesting, so other people might find them more interesting.

#carly rae jepsen #the loneliest time #pop #synth-pop #80s pop #disco #pop music #taylor swift #midnights #rufus wainwright

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saltypicks · 4 years ago

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reviewing march’s comebacks

The reviews for March aren't as in-depth as previous reviews because there were a lot of songs released and I don't have the strength to write more than a few sentences. Don't be surprised if April's review consists of 'Liked it' and 'Didn't like it' only.

INSIDE, KEEMBO

This actually came out in February but I kept forgetting to write about it. I'm sorry, because this is actually a great song.

I'm The One, ATEEZ

Honestly not the ATEEZ comeback I wanted. Can this Fever era be over as soon as possible so I can pretend it never happened? The opening verse almost made me do a sharp about-turn, but I persevered till the chorus, which wasn't so bad. It's just that ATEEZ did better with every single Treasure comeback, and now...

Why Don't We, Rain ft. Chungha

Not for me.

Get Away, VERIVERY

Like the reggae thing going on in the background -- it should have been more relevant because otherwise this is standard boy group song.

Why Why Why, iKON

It's a good song, has similar sounds as last year's Dive but unlike Dive it's taking time to grow on me.

Call U Up, Park Jihoon

Sometimes I like it, sometimes it just bores me.

Elegante, AZER

Basic Latin kpop. It's not bad but I wonder how long it's going to last on my playlist.

Lovemonth, Yukika

If you like Yukika I guess you'll like this one. For me it just makes me sleepy.

Not Over, MCND

Like the whistling and the general upbeat-ness of everything.

BOGGLE BOGGLE, OH MY GIRL

I like the chorus. It reminds me why this song is still on my playlist.

Blood Night, G-reyish

Stan G-reyish you cowards. I recommend Kkili Kkili and Candy, and since the album on which this song was released has all their old songs you have no reason not to support them. The song is great; it gives me early Dreamcatcher vibes.

Moon Rider, BDC

Congratulations boys, you finally have a song I like.

Spit It Out, Majors

No.

Say Yes, IZ

Rock guitars? Ballad of the month, people.

Kick Back, WayV

Like ATEEZ, I'm biased towards NCT, so while I know their March titles aren't going to make any of my 'best of 2021' lists, I still like the songs. Even if I won't listen to them much. Even if the MVs were honestly a waste of everybody's time.

Magnetic, Rain ft. Jackson Wang

[U]

Seoul, GHOST9

Like always, GHOST9 have unmemorable title tracks but great b-sides. I recommend UNO and Starvoy.

Bad Habits, CRAVITY

Would have made a better title track than My Turn.

On The Ground, Rose (BLACKPINK)

At first I thought this was a regular pop song played on the radio. It was confusing, until I listened properly and realised it was Rose's solo. I'm not surprised. The teasers already made things clear so I had zero expectations for it.

Dawn, Yey

Weird but in a good way?

Ponzona, PURPLEKISS

I watched the stage of this before I saw the MV, and can I just say I love the intro which sounds like something Billie Eilish would do? It's called Intro : Crown, btw, and it should've been longer. The song to me sounds like Mamamoo trying out a Dreamcatcher concept. It's nice but not an impressive debut. I would have been more impressed if they had debuted with Intro : Crown. The video is gorgeous; watch it!

DO OR NOT, PENTAGON

The boy groups are really doing it for me this early in 2021. Just like ONF's Beautiful Beautiful, this song is a jam. I approve. Finally, another group that's not doing typical angsty boy group songs. Can someone tell the other boy groups that there's nothing childish or immature about bright concepts?

I like you, Ciipher

I like the vibe of this one, chill but groovy at the same time. It also sounds like elevator music (bossa nova?).

YOUNG BLOOD, DRIPPIN

Sounds like a Golden Child b-side and not the ones I like.

Dazzle, MY.st

On behalf of the group members I would like to thank their company for finally styling them properly. Unfortanately I recognize the location, and now everytime I watch the video I think of how ONEUS had a much better song at this location, just like Kim Lip has robbed everybody else who shoots at that abandoned school.

What Type Of X, Jessi

One of the reasons I don't like this song much is because people were hailing it as some kind of rock-rap hybrid. So I went to YouTube expecting something similar to Iron's ROCK BOTTOM but got this instead: a rap song slapped on top of some great guitar. At least it's better than Nun Nu Nan Na. Jessi is a great performer, btw. Watch the stages for this song even if you hate it.

After School,

Weeekly

The verses were uninteresting but the chorus is great and saves the song. I didn't really like Zig Zag, but it had good b-sides, so I'm hoping After School is the same. Love the outfits though.

Midnight Blue, B.I

Didn't expect a ballad from B.I but I'm not complaining. The song is good for a ballad.

House Party, Super Junior

A blatant COVID-19 song. The trap section was unneeded but not a complete trainwreck. I actually like it, but will I play it more than once? Doubtful.

Killa, Mirae

A boy group with a non-cringy name finally. The song doesn't do anything for me unfortunately.

FEEL LIKE, WOODZ

Listen to this only with earphones or in a quiet place because otherwise you won't hear the bass. The bass is the great thing about this song; everything else is forgettable.

RUN, Sorn (CLC)

For some reason I like this better than Rose's solo. Is it because of the guitar which reminds me of Starving by Hailee Steinfield? Is it because I prefer her voice to Rose's? Is it because there's no stupid drop in the chorus? Who knows.

Hug, Youha

What is with all the guitar strumming female soloists this month? As for the song it's okay but I've already filled my spots for ballad(s) of the month.

I'm Real, Eternity

I'm so glad they're not real. What is this horror? My ears are bleeding.

Lilac, IU

I'm not a fan of city pop or whatever this style is called, so this song is not for me.

Coin, IU

Prefer this to Lilac, although it can't stand up to IU's best. I like it because it has some groove to it, unlike Lilac.

EXIT, T1419

Love this one on first listen, especially the old hiphop style beats. The chorus drags it down but it's not enough to make me dislike it. Also their January single has grown on me. Maybe this will be one of the debuts I actually pay attention to this year?

Eclipse, Dreamcatcher

No surprises here, I loved this from the first listen.

Warning, Kim Sejeong

Upbeat. Don't know what else to say.

LMLY, Jackson Wang

Jackson has hopped on the retro trend and he makes a great song out of it.

YOU, CHECKMATE

Like it.

HUSH, Kim Sung Kyu

Have no idea who this guy is (apparently he used to be a member of Infinite) but he has a greaat song.

KISS THE WORLD, NTX

The only thing I dislike about this song is the cringy concept and those lyrics "Kiss the world!" Who writes these lyrics? It's not as bad as 'incurable spicy disease' so I guess I can live with it.

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seanpatricklittlewriter · 4 years ago

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The Final Blog Post of 2020

Greetings, friends. It has been a while.

I think, as it has been for so many of us, 2020 is going down as a year where I accomplished pretty much nothing.I had big things planned for 2020, as I am sure a lot of you did, and they just… did not happen. Most of the downhill slide started in March, when I accepted a third-shift job. My body did not respond well to working third shift, and it sapped me of just about any will do to anything. I spent my days asleep, and my nights hovering through a weird twilight state where I was awake and doing things, but I was not happy about it. On my days off, I could barely function, and I started getting little fits of narcolepsy. After a doctor’s appointment, I mentioned these issues, and the doctor told me that someone who has the sort of thyroid and metabolic conditions that I have should not work third shift because it throws my whole system into whack.

So, I’m looking for a new job, a better job (hopefully), and something that I actually look forward to doing. If nothing else, I’ve learned that money isn’t as important as actually enjoying your work.But, with this job, and the pandemic, of course, all my routines were knocked out and I have been struggling to figure out a new routine. I used to be able to write at home back when I lived in rented apartments. Since I bought a home, I’ve found it difficult. There is always something around the house that needs doing. I found a refuge at my local Culver’s restaurant. I’d go in, get a diet Mt. Dew to drink, and kick over 3-5 hours in my favorite booth grinding out pages. Now, with that not exactly being a favorable option, my writing output has decreased to almost nothing. A sentence here. Maybe a page or two, if I was lucky. The inability to generate a solid routine has made the story harder to solidify in my mind. So, it’s been a rough year is what I’m saying.

I’m still kicking, though.

As is traditional, I like to list a few things that I found that brought me some joy this year and share them with you, as maybe you might like them, too.

Movies:

--I have not watched a ton of movies this year. The last movie I saw in a theater was “1917,” which I enjoyed greatly. It was an excellent WWI film, and the fact that they made it look like it was done in a single take was a masterstroke. It was beautifully filmed, and almost every frame could be a painting. Well worth the time.

I also just watched “Soul” on Disney+. There was a lot reminiscent of “Inside Out” in “Soul,” but “Soul” was a much quieter, more existential film. I liked it a lot, but it wasn’t one of Pixar’s best outings.

I watched George Clooney’s “The Midnight Sky” the other day. It was a long, dreadfully slow, and ultimately pointless film. I did not care for it. Most of the other films I’ve watched this year were fairly forgettable.

They were titles on streaming services that have been out a few years, but never generated a lot of noise.

Television:

I watched a ton of television this year. What the hell else was I going to do, right? I’m sure most of you are in the same boat. Anyhow, I have long believed that TV has become superior to films in the last few years. Better characters, better stories, and the time to tell those stories. I prefer episodic television to just about anything film has given us in the past few years, so here’s what I was watching this year.

--“19-2” (purchase four season on Amazon Prime): If you’ve watched “Letterkenny” on Hulu, then you must be familiar with Jared Keeso, who plays the central character Wayne. Keeso won some awards for a Canadian cop drama called “19-2” before he made “Letterkenny,” and I can understand why. This is a fairly dark, but realistic cop drama about the 19th Precinct in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, and deals with the new guy (Keeso) transferring into the precinct from a small town and dealing with his new partner (Adrian Holmes) and the rest of the flawed members of the station in addition to dealing with policing duties around the city. One thing I liked about the series is that it never got away from the day-to-day grind of policing in a big city. The characters’ story arcs had to be worked in around the calls and patrols. The first episode of the second season of “19-2” deals with the precinct responding to a school shooting. It is, by far, one of the finest hours of television I’ve ever seen. Chaotic and hurried, brutal and bloody. It’s everything that keeps your eyes glued to the set. There were only 38 episodes of “19-2,” but I could have watched another four seasons of it. It supplanted “The Shield” as my favorite cop drama. Well worth the time.

--“The Queen’s Gambit” (Netflix): I’m not going to add anything original to this that hasn’t already been written by other people. This highly lauded limited series was well-written and acted, and it actually made competitive chess interesting. Anna Taylor-Joy was excellent in the lead role, and the costumes and sets were fantastic.

--“The Uncanny Counter” (Netflix): My mother watches an insane amount of South Korean TV shows. I don’t know why. She is the butt of many jokes because of this. However, “The Uncanny Counter” is a pretty cool series that feels like an indie comic book. The premise is a group of Grim Reapers run a noodle shop and fight demons. However, the show is much more complex than that. The characters’ stories are all intertwined in odd ways, and it’s very watchable.

--“Hospital Playlist” (Netflix): Another show my mother suggested was the sappy, and almost twee hospital show “Hospital Playlist.” This show is a fairly soft, airy, and cute little hospital drama about five doctors who have been friends since medical school. They’re all heads of their respective departments now, and they work at the Yulje Medical Center. While the show centers around the five main characters, there’s a whole slate of other doctors and interns who add to the story. Inevitably, the show is about life, love, and death—like any other hospital drama. However, the core group of friends also get together once a week and play music to relax, so there is a cutesy pop song at the end of the episodes that plays into a montage of that week’s story wrapping up. The characters in the show are very likeable, and that’s about the best thing this show has going for it. Each episode is like 90 minutes, and there are 12 episodes in the first season, but I watched them all, and I hate to admit it, but I’m interested in seeing what season 2 will bring.

--“Upload” (Amazon Prime): Greg Daniels of “The Office” fame created and produced this series about the Singularity, a hypothetical point in the future when we will be able to merge our consciousness with a computer, and thus physical death will mean we have a chance to live a digital afterlife where we can still interact with our loved ones on the earthly plane through VR. The show is funny and extremely intelligent. It’s satire and commentary wrapped up in a solid existential premise.

--“Star Trek: Discovery” season 3 (CBS All Access): I’m not going to write a ton about ST:Disco, but I will say that season 3 is the first season that felt like “Star Trek” to me. It’s one of the few shows that I have actually looked forward to week-to-week.

--“The Mandalorian” season 2 (Disney+): Like ST:Disco, this is one of the few shows I actually looked forward to. The first couple of episodes felt like the series was in a bit of a rut, but the last three episodes made it all worthwhile. Total fanboy moments abounded.

--“Ted Lasso” (Apple+TV): Strangely enough, a sitcom based on a single-premise joke from a series of Superbowl ads from a couple years ago is, hands-down, my favorite new show of 2020. Jason Sudeikis of SNL fame plays Ted Lasso, the former head coach of the Wichita Shockers college football team who is hired to be the head coach of FC Richmond, a Premier League Football team in England. Initially Ted is hired by the new owner of Richmond, who happened to have won the team from her ex-husband in a messy divorce. Her initial goal is to have Ted unknowingly destroy the team, but Ted’s boundless optimism and true concern and care for his players flips the script. This is the show that 2020 needed. It is funny and joyous, and it’s another feather in Bill Lawrence’s (Scrubs, Spin City, etc…) cap. I watched this show out of a sense of loyalty to Bill Lawrence, but I ended up LOVING it. The fact that Apple renewed “Ted Lasso” for two more seasons immediately is very telling about how good this show was. Highly, highly recommend.

Music:

I barely listened to anything new this year. Not many bands I liked came out with a new record, and I was usually listening to podcasts or watching TV instead. However, there were two albums that came out year that I would note.

--Kyle Kinane, “Trampoline in a Ditch”: Kinane’s newest stand-up album, recorded in Madison, Wis., is a fun jaunt through Kinane’s weird sense of humor and excellent writing style. This record had me and my daughter laughing out loud on the day it came out, and I’ve listened to it several times since. Kinane’s writing is so good, I pick up subtle jokes on additional listenings.

--Brett Newski, “Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down”: Milwaukee Dork Rocker Newski put out another solid album this year. Check out the video for “Wha’d Ya Got to Lose?”

Podcasts:

Spent a ton of time listening to podcasts at my third shift job. I’m not going to write a ton about them individually, but here’s the list of the podcasts that got the most listens from me:

--Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing, Colossal Podcast --Fake Doctors, Real Friends --Timesuck --Scared to Death --Office Ladies --Unexplained --Lore --Cabinet of Curiosities --Haunted Locations

Books:

I probably read the fewest books I’ve read in ages this year. I’m usually good for 20-40 books a year, and this year—I just did not get there. I maybe read 12 books this year, and that bothers me. I just could not focus on reading. However, much of what I did read, I enjoyed. The best of those are as follows: --Craig Johnson, “Next to Last Stand” --CJ Box, “Winterkill” --Joe Ide, “IQ” --Sebastien de Castell, “Crownbreaker” --Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child, “Crooked River” Anyhow, I hope some of those media suggestions will bring you some joy. We sure could all use some in 2021, no doubt. In the meantime, do continue to stay safe and healthy. Take precautions. Don’t throw caution to the wind. My plans for 2021: --Lose weight (as usual) --Finish the second Abe & Duff novel --Maybe finish another of the several novels on my desktop --Get a job I don’t hate --Make it to 2022 Here’s to hoping I have some good news about Abe & Duff in 2021. Thanks for reading, and Happy New Year. --Sean

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weneverlearn · 7 years ago

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I chose to post this Portland area obituary because over the years, as @newbombturks started touring more, I would hear tales from lucky folks up in the great northwest, specifically from around Dead Moon’s Clackamas, OR, homebase, about how great they were live; or from people in Europe, as in the early 1990s, we’d get to clubs and see posters that they had played two weeks ago or were playing next month, etc., and let out a large, collective “Fuck!” It made more sense for Dead Moon to play over there. They were the quintessential “huge in Europe” band. Their rep there was nothing less than heroes over in Europe’s government-funded youth centers or craggly rock clubs. We need not cover the whys and hows of how American bands fall in love with touring in Europe, where clubs and bookers actually believe in activities like eating food and having a place to sleep.

But then here’s the thing. As Fred, his amazing wife Toody, and that indestructible motor for the whole midnight Moon drive, Andrew Loomis, got older, they seemed to tour more. I don’t know, maybe they started to see, or at least imagine, some distant light at the end of that long, midnight road of rock’n’roll they’d traveled for so long. And like many bands lucky enough to get to tour a lot, sometimes it takes a few years to appreciate how lucky you are to be in that position, just in time to wonder if the body still can. Fred and Dead Moon answered that particular question tenfold.

Dead Moon is my favorite of all Fred’s six-string excursions, but try to track down those Rats albums! I’m remembering how -- even as a died-in-the-Chuck Taylors punk fan who grew up with “DIY” as the given art-life strategy -- the stories of Dead Moon pressing their own records at home on their own label just blew me away. I finally got to see Dead Moon a few times the ‘90s, and a couple more times in NYC in the last decade. I got to see Pierced Arrows on their very first tour out here too. And of course upon hearing the news yesterday, I instantly fell into that guilt-state that increases as you get older: “Fuck, I should’ve seen them that last time they came through.” I had to work or whatever fucking forgettable excuse kept me from shaking hands with Fred again.

Unlike the endless stream of admirers in my Facebook feed, I don’t have tons of stories of all-night conversations with Fred, though I had some good small ones over the years. I interviewed him for my book. And I especially remember seeing Fred and Toody to the side of the stage at the Las Vegas Shakedown fest in 2000, as we played our set, right before Dead Moon. I came down from the stage after we ended, and there was Fred to smack me on the back and say “Great show, don’t know how we’re following that!” The “Are you kidding??!!”s came flowing, and we laughed and chatted a little more as he moved his amps and such. They always did all their moving gear shit, and everything else. They were fucking amazing that night, like any other time I saw them.

Dead Moon, 2014 - Photo by Emma Browne

I could go on here forever, but it’s petty impossible to encapsulate such a unique figure as Fred Cole. While physically and spiritually staying alive to live the rock’n’roll mythos for his whole life, he liquidly moved from psych-garage to graveyard proto-metal to trash punk to a grandaddy of neo-garage rock, all sounding eerily united like, well, no other single figure I can think of. It’s a testament alone to just stick around for that long, so invested, inspired, and inspiring. But unlike many similar lifers you could recall, Cole never twisted into his experimentations because of trend-hopping or a last-ditch shot at figuring out “what the kids liked.” Fred’s only directive seemed to be creating with his equally-inspiring wife and playing that stripped guitar until he couldn’t, glowing from dank stage after stage like the hazy glow of street lights on that long nighttime highway his bands drove down. May the last light burn with even half the intensity of a Dead Moon show.

Thanks Fred.

youtube

#dead moon #fred cole

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twoinchreview · 5 years ago

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1985 Albums

Friday 20th March 2020.

On the way home from work (for the last time in a while I think, thanks Covid-19) Radio 2 played The Whole of the Moon by The Waterboys. I loved and love that song from their album, This is the Sea. I knew the album was released in 1985. It’s a year I won’t forget in a hurry for lots of reasons; the main, unbearably sad one is losing my mum, but, also, for other reasons that were not at all sad. The aforementioned album being one, another being another album - Kate Bush’s Hounds of Love. (Another was Knebworth opening its gates to music for the first time in a few years….what a gig that was!) So, did I listen to any other albums that year? I seriously couldn’t tell you, for certain, the name of any other album released in that year….with aging memory it seems to me my turntable’s time was equally divided by Mike Scott and Kate - six months apiece. I decided to check it out. A quick search on Google and the first hit I clicked was this one from the NME that lists 50 albums.

I decided to listen to each in turn, from its count of 50 down to 1. I posted a one line review on each on FB. Here are those one-liners below, with supplementary comments as and when.

50. ABC, How to be a Zillionaire. I didn't learn that actual trick but I did learn to love Martin Fry's delivery once again.

49. Sade, Promise. Smoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooth.

48. Sheila E – Romance 1600. One I missed posting about of FB, probably because it was that forgettable. I can’t remember one track from it and it was only a couple of weeks ago!

47. Alex Chilton, Feudalist Tarts. Who knew? Seriously never heard of him before!

46. George Clinton, Some of My Best Jokes Are Friends. Funky. Another new one on me.

45. The Replacements, Tim. Never heard or heard of them b4 today. Shan't bother again!

44. Run DMC, King of Rock. Dunno why I like this album, just do. It's like that and that's the way it is.

43. Cameo, Single Life. I've already forgotten about it.

42. New Order, Low Life. The first album on NME's 1985 list that properly rocks all thru.

It’s a proper ‘of its time’ album and yet timeless. This gets the bold review ‘cos I would definitely take time out to listen to this again. First one of the NME list!

41. Robert Wyatt, Old Rottenhat. Out there. A defo doob album.

40. The Style Council, Our Favourite Shop. I recall this album & it's better than it was. Weller has a voice that sometimes sounds like it’s going to break at the sterner test but then he carries it off. It adds to the originality.

39. Sonic Youth, Bad Moon Rising. Proper industrial punk. I like it.

38. Dexys Midnight Runners, Don't Stand Me Down. Not one track had I heard before. Fab.

I really enjoyed this. I like the fact it’s a real deviation from what I remember Dexys for - all denim and oddly-antifashion fashionable. This album showed real confidence in their own ability, quite rightly.

37. Husker Du, New Day Rising. 'Salright.

36. Bobby Womack, So Many Rivers. “Let Me Kiss You Where It Hurts.” 😂😂😂 Yep - the only thing I wanted to post about this album, having listened to it (like so many others, for the first time) was the name of one track which still, as I type, makes be chuckle like a school boy. Sorry Bobby.

35. The Fall, This Nation's Saving Grace. I never really got The Fall. This album doesn't help. This post on FB attracted some comment - Ralph White (fellow Posh and music fan) was, I sensed, a little perplexed at my opinion. But, I can’t lie, the band, and Mark E Smith, just didn’t, and still don’t, do it for me. I’m too old and long in the tooth to persist. Sorry Ralph.

34. Propaganda, A secret Wish. If you had to guess the time of this album's release from its sound, it couldn't be anything other than slap bang middle of the 80s. I mean it is sooooo eighties. It’s the sort of record that will be used for educational purposes - in history lessons.

33. Scritti Politti, Cupid & Psyche 85. I feel I should be more impressed than I am.

32. The Pogues, Rum, Sodomy and the Lash. What an album, what a fucking album.

I listened to this while out walking and it really took me by surprise just how much I enjoyed it. Of course, I’d heard a lot of the songs before but, as a collection, along with the tracks new to me, it really stands out.

31. The Cure, Head on the Door. The Cure does easy listening.

30. The Cult, Love. What's there not to love? No sudden death, just love.

Contains one of my favourite all time tracks. Can you guess?

29. Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, The Firstborn is Dead. Interesting. Definitely a band you have to be in the right mood before the needle hits the record.

28. David Sylvian, Alchemy: An Index Of Possibilities. Music to have acupuncture to.

By that, I mean it was very, very, very Japanese-y.

27. Suzanne Vega, Suzanne Vega. Singer song writing by numbers.

To be perfectly blunt, I found it boring.

26. The Smiths, Meat is Murder. The Smiths are an enigma to me. Good music, good musicians but, that condescension. Morrissey, Geldof, Thunberg....peas in a high & mighty pod.

All that being said a few days ago now, I’m sure I’ll listen to this (and maybe other a records of theirs) again. I fucking hate that it was that good.

25. Bryan Ferry, Boys and Girls. Slick as you like. Is he the coolest man in music? I think he is.

24. 10000 Maniacs, The Wishing Chair. I can take this or leave it. When I posted this on FB there were a couple of posters encouraging me to try In My Tribe - it’s on as I type and it’s a little better.

23. Whitney Houston, Whitney Houston. I like this debut album. What a voice she had!

22. A-Ha, Hunting High and Low. Not bad song writing in a second language.

Nice enough album...but this band will always just be ‘nice’ and, memorable for a video, not much else.

21. Grace Jones, Slave to the Rhythm. A mess of an album.

Worst one on the list so far even if it has got David Gilmour playing on it.

20. Simple Minds, Once Upon a Time. I always felt, & feel, this band are wannabes to U2's crown. Nice enough album though.

19. The Colourfield, Virgins and Philistines. A gem of an album.

Terry Hall reminds me of Bowie. So talented, so prolific.

18. Everything but the Girl, Love not Money. Pleasant enough but won't be on repeat.

17. Loose Ends, So Where Are You? Hmmmm, not quite Color Me Badd. Very Delia Smith. The Delia Smith comment was because I found this album was an embarrassment much like Delia that fateful night at Carrow Road. If you don’t know to what I am referring, Google it.

16. Killing Joke, Night Time. Great album, cracking band.

15. Tears for Fears, Songs from the Big Chair. A big collection of comfortably accomplished songs.

The first album on the list I had definitely played, in its entirety, before...just not in 1985.

14. Dire Straits, Brothers in Arms. By no means their best. Tbf, you’d have to go some to best a debut or 3rd or 4th albums of the quality Dire Straits had under their belt. And, a side note, I think probably the best name for a band, ever.

13. The Sisters of Mercy, First and Last and Always. A moody, gothic masterpiece. I reckon the growling vocals are the stuff of genius and nightmares. 12. Prince, Around the World In A Day. Prince is brilliant, this album isn't. Like a few on this list, the decade’s half-way point didn’t see his finest hour.

11. Felt, Ignite the Seven Canons. I've never heard of this band before, nor heard a single track from this album, until now. I like them, I like it.

And I reached the Top Ten....I found myself really looking forward to the next 6-7 hours of the supposed mid-80s finest....

10. The Jesus and The Mary Chain, Psychocandy. Mentally sweet.

It is a great album by a seminal band but I didn’t really get on the band wagon back then, and I don’t have the time nor the inclination to now. That’s gonna piss some people off, I’m sure! 9. Microdisney, The Clock Comes Down The Stairs. Never heard of them before, probably never listen to them again.

This album left me feeling nothing. It’s the most nondescript one of the list thus far and I doubt that will change.

8. REM, Fables of Reconstruction. This band were good before they got massive.

Fucking brilliant. I had never listened to this album before and it’s such a precursor - we all know how massive they became and one or two of their later albums were residence, for a time, in my CD player. I reckon this one could become a real favourite of mine. Not just of REM stuff but in general.

7. Lloyd Cole & The Commotions, Easy Pieces. Easy listening and first rate easy listening, at that.

‘Brand New Friend’ is the stand out track.

6. Prefab Sprout, Steve McQueen. I don’t switch the radio off if this band are played, but I never play them. This album doesn’t alter that.

5. Madness, Mad not Mad. Who'd thought the stalwart rude boys would be so innovative? Another cracker from this list. It really stood out for me, they way the band changed things up a notch with this record. I can imagine some long-time fans would have baulked at this at the time of release but now, 35 years on, it smacks of progression. I’ve just asked Alexa to play it as I’m typing.

4. Talking Heads, Little Creatures. A wonderful, totally original band and album. This album reminded me that I do not spend enough time listening to Talking Heads.

3. The Waterboys, This Is the Sea. Marvellous. This is an album I know and love. So, here it is, one of the aforementioned two. It’s is still one of my favourite albums, definitely, but, just a little bit, the metaphors grate - there’s enough of the fuckers on this album - the sea, the moon, the spirit. But I will always love this album and I will revisit many more times, I wager (and hope).

2. Tom Waits, Rain Dogs. Not really a musical masterpiece, more a lyrical one.

I found this a unusual choice for number 2. That’s subjectivity for you, I’d have picked many others before this one for the runner’s up slot.

1. Kate Bush, Hounds of Love. One of my favourite ever albums. The best of 1985, maybe of the 80s, very close to of all time. It’s number 1 for the NME and it most certainly is for me.

So, I listened to all of these NME listed albums in turn and it was, in the main, an enjoyable musical journey

And I reminded myself that, in 1985, I did indeed only put two albums, that first saw the light of day in that year, on my turntable (Kate Bush and The Waterboys). Any other releases didn't get a look in.

#1985 #albums #music #eighties #twoinchreview

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apu4naaz · 6 years ago

Text

To My Nazzz

28/06- Past Midnight , some sudden turn of events just shocked me, made me cry and made me feel so empty that I have never felt before. I have lost everything including my sleep in last 4 weeks because someone plotted against me, spread lot of lies, attacked my family and made me feel distressed and lost. Words, slangs, fun was made without any reason. I wanted to give clarification but then I resisted as people never realize their mistake. I had told everything about me and my past and people took advantage of that, plotted against me without even knowing what is truth and what is not. Still I loved leaving my self respect, my ego and my everything. I never wanted her again but just loved from a distance like a mad. Every single moment of my days was spent thinking of memories with her. But why ? I had tried to give all my effort, time, love and care and celebrated every single time we met but ...why this ? Did I deserve? Perhaps yes, another sleepless night awaits me

29/06- -The first meeting ..the carpool fare is still due...carefully I did your most beautiful picture into that canvas frame…. Chose the red cake on your bday to surprise you and see your smile. Waited for you for hours just to be with you for few minutes where my world will light up. The picture album was made with so much love. The green saree, you never wore. The watch which always made me so proud and happy seeing in your hand. Don't know if you ever use the wallet anymore. The first coffee ..was super special. The barbeque nation and our only day out always reminds of beautiful times. The Chilli's photo always makes us look so good together. The endless wait for you to be with u was something I looked forward to. Loved making you wear those yellow Bangles in your beautiful hand. Small moments but beautiful sweet nameless moments haunts me every single day. I loved you from heart but you never understood. Anyways you live your life and I will survive seeing you happy and pray for you every single day. Loads of love from someone who hate.

30/06 - Another day without you and slowly getting more and more difficult living this life without you in my arms. Health is little not well today, little fever and not feeling entirely well Babu. Do u see world cup ? Mostly not I think and today u would have turned my.mobile off watching Argentina. It's okay, I can sacrifice everything for u and even meat community. I love you enough to fight for you, to compromise for u and sacrifice everything if need be. I love you enough to believe in our relationship, to stand by it in worst of times, to have faith in our strength as couple and to never give up on us. I love you enough to not to choose anyone else ever again I promise before you, and be with u whenever you need me. It was our dream to be together and today in my memories of you with tears always wish and pray for your happiness over me every single hour. You said you know how much I loved you but I think you will never know. I love you to the moon and back, trust me. Yours me forever and always .

01/07 : I hope you took some rest on the only day of the week. Still not well, having little fever, don't know if can come to office tomorrow. Anyways things have started to have much lesser meanings in life when a part of me is missing for you, may be whole of me and just not a part. You might have deleted all my texts but I will never forget what you wrote. We might have stopped talking but I will never forget your voice. We might have stopped hugging but I will never forget how you smell. I might be a forgettable piece of shit for you but I never regret anything and everything we did. Small beautiful everyday things, small gifts with lot of love, waiting for you with lot of hope was always special. I just hoped you should have believed in us and our relationship a little more than outside liars who don't matter to us. But no matter what you do and where life takes you, I hope you will always carry a part of me within you. Always yours and no matter what would wait a lifetime for you. Always yours and forever, love !!!

02/07 - Just remember that even in silence I am still there with you, just right there. Do you feel me beside you? Do u remember the my ever talking voice ? Do u feel our sweet nothings while returning in night through the roads you got afraid hiding inside my arms and holding my hands which used to say -’ mujhe apke sath rahena hai’. Don't know, may be not but I am living in pain everyday through those painful moments. They say time heals all wounds but I don't think it's true. Time only makes you live with the wound. If I had any other wrong intention, surely my passenger seat still won't have waited and hoped only for you. Time only makes us live a day further away from the day where heart broke into a thousand pieces it don't decrease the pain. I never hide anything from you, never ever.. else I could have hidden so many things & everything from my past. Anyways I always pray for your happiness even if I am not in your story and always believe you should have trusted in 'us’ . Love as always.. surely forever !!

07/03 - sorry again for today for bothering your life with me and my problems. Actually you know first thing for any happiness and any sadness is always you. I promised myself not to disturb you as u are happy without me in your life and maybe I should be happy if you are happy even if I am not the reason of your happiness. Just one more time our strength as a couple, our strength in loving in worst of times , our care and concern for each other in a not so good situation may be was tested but it failed. Life is sometimes very cruel , today I wanted your voice and your support beside me more than anything else but probably I have only destroyed everything. Probably in your assumptions and hurry to spy on me rather than love and trust me we lost a lot of love and warmth. Probably I don't deserve you & you have someone better to take care of you. I feel happy for you and sometimes very sad thinking I was so easily replaced. Loneliness is killing me , losing focus in even best things which I did for over years together. Always getting unmindful of my surroundings. Love.

7/04 -

I am sorry..for what ? For loving you too much..for missing you..I am sorry for wanting to see you everyday ..I am sorry for thinking about you before going to sleep..I am sorry for feeling upset if I don't see you..for wanting to be by your side...I am sorry for thinking to make you happy…I am sorry for wanting to be part of your life...to make you smile. I am sorry for bothering you...I am sorry for dreaming about you. I am sorry for getting mad, jealous and sad. I am sorry for thinking you loved me. I am sorry for annoying you with my messages and calls. I am sorry for caring about you. I am just sorry for every mistake I made. I am sorry for loving you too much.

Yours me forever and always !

07/05 -I cannot unlove you, the more I try...the more I get drawn in your memories..your voice..your ways..your hand in my hand makes it so very difficult. I think a whole of you is always and will always be in my heart. Another 2AM awaits me tonight. Will be still awake..losing sleep..losing myself and losing you. 2AM is for those people whose minds are alive with the words of someone so special who is not there..someone so special who is so hard to forget. 2AM is for the lonely who are in love with the loved but not loved in return. I know you don't want me but I don't want someone else to have you, it hurts. Worst part was 2-3 mismatch of facts, assumption and lies from someone who don't even matter can so quickly make you away from me and that too totally irrelevant to our love story. Sorry, no complaints, I am sorry for everything and I wish you every happiness in your life beyond me. I just miss someone who is not mine to miss, dream about someone who is not for me to dreams and love someone who is isn't mine to love. Yours me

7/06 -Empty...the feeling is very empty everywhere ...silence is so cruel sometimes ..looked forward to talking to you every single day but now just empty seat beside me in our car makes me feel that heart is somewhere else, breaks me down. Today after long I stopped at that shop.. brought one juice ...just to get a feeling of you beside me, just to relive one of those days where I loved to buy just for you. Thought in the long run will cook everyday for you and make you eat with my own hands looking at your eyes. You just did not break me, you broke our future together for just some silly unknown assumptions. You forgot that we loved with a love that was more than love. We had everything we needed for a life, most importantly we loved just everything about each other. But I will never forget how you made me feel, like I was your everything.And I will never forget how you made me feel , like I was your nothing. All my love and wishes, thoughts and prayers always with you. Yours me !

07/7 -

It isn't easy being in love with you and not being able to see you everyday. But promise you I really do and I will always do. I believe in me and I believe in you. There are times when I would give anything to gaze into your eyes or hold you into my arms even for a few minutes . I always feel incomplete like a part of me is missing when we are not together. It's been quite sometime i have your smell in my shirt. I know right now that's how things got to be but that doesn't make it any easier for me to bear. Everyday without you remind me of the joy you added to my life and the joy I am missing everyday. So don't forget that I love you and I am thinking of you and I am counting again every minute until we meet again, be it even in next life. Sometimes do message me as a stranger, that's the only medicine I can survive a few more days. Lots of love as always !! Yours me babu.

08/07 -If you start to miss me someday , remember I did not walk away, you did let me know. Maybe you won't have any regrets since you said you happy without my shadow in your beautiful path of life but even if ever you miss me remember i am the one with all my flaws and mistakes was always and still there for you even if you filled your face and heart with hatred for me. I do not know any other way of loving you but this way. The worst thing you can do is to leave someone who want you from heart in their worst of times. I miss our conversations through the day and way into the night, I miss your time, I miss your touch, your smell on my shirt, your beautiful salwars. Everything is finished, there is nothing more to look forward to for me every morning when I get up after holding you in my dreams and then feeling empty. Anyways hope you are enjoying today and having a good day. Bhalo theko. Parle message me sometime, don't worry not to love me but just for a second to make me little happy. Yours always. Love u

09/07 -Fighting the urge to text you..fighting the urge to call u..fighting the urge to see u. And sadly you do not have any idea how it feels to fight like this in silence , the heart screams out loud in the middle of the sleepless nights...the sleeping pills slowly getting ineffective. I try not to take them but sometimes I just want to sleep and sleep long ..may be forever..life has got nothing to look forward to. I know u have moved on and enjoying your life elsewhere but I don't like anyone that easily..you might think it's everyday work for me to offer my passenger seat but never I do. I wait for the moments and memories with you that will never happen and I keep hurting myself. I wish you knew how much of you there in everything I do. I wish you knew how much I carry you in everywhere I go. Stopped movies..drive...food after office ...all things look meaningless without you in it. I loved you ...love you today and will love you forever. An endless wait for you next life. Love you.

10/07 -

I find pieces of you in every song I listen to. Your smell and your hands in my hands while returning from work finds it's memories in every lyrics I listen to. Yes, I do listen to your fav radio station for a change leaving my Bengali station many a times just as u used to change it so nonchalantly. I replay all our old conversations inside my head, I read and reread all your old texts...hurts but now I am learning to find you and love in pain and ache. As soon as I wake up I check my phone hoping there is a message from you, I know it won't but heart don't ask for permission sometimes. Just wished you spent enough time on loving me than spying on me. I had told you everything. Anyways I have stopped messaging you, stopped talking to you, stopped seeing even from a distance but I have not stopped loving you, I have not stopped hoping to have you in my arms even if it means a lifetime of wait and pain. Love you. Yours me.

11/07 - you had reasons for ending it and may be in ur eyes they are still valid as ever but back at the start we did not had reasons to start it, it just all happened. We didn't needed a reason to fall in love, we just did. The reasons all came in the end. A whole of me misses u, waits for your texts, waits to hear ur voice may be for one more time, may be for one last time. There are a millions reasons as to why I should give up, but heart wants what it wants even be it for one reason. Yes may be for u I made mistakes, I fought with u, I did not do all things correct but always returned back to you with a apology which said I really care about 'us’. I always waited with the same hope and excitements for hours to see and talk to u. Wear my watch to office , makes me proud & happy.Could not give u anything probably don't deserve you but you made feel special for few days and I am always indebted to u for that. Saddest thing is saying goodbye to someone whom u wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Apna khayal rakhna. Miss you jaan. Yours me.

12/07- I cannot unlove u, I cannot delete the memories & happiness I had with u, I cannot move on so easily like u did. Don't mistake by thinking I am asking u to come back but forgive me that I cannot move on in my life without u in my thoughts every single hour. I loved and I do still love with the same depth as always. Doctors say depression setting in where I am dying everyday..die before I sleep, die when I wake up, die when ur fav song plays, die over & over again. My heart is yet to become so logical to understand ur silence, ur ignorance, ur hatred. It's all my fault & I am sorry I am not able to forget u anytime of the day. Losing myself..losing work..losing career..losing family.. everything. I can't get you out of my mind for a single minute. You have moved on and I wish and always pray for your happiness without me but please do not ask me to ..I can't unbreak my heart…I can't untouch u..I can't forget u..I can't unlove & delete u. U will always be mine in my heart & u will always be very special. My life has no more meaning without u in it. Forever yours me ! Just sometimes in your busy life- do remember me ..miss me and text me. Enough for me..but only if you can….

13/07 - My wings are broken...my heart still cannot forget you for a whole minute ...always do remember my love for you was unconditional. I loved you with no conditions..no if’s and no but’s. Deep in my heart I still love you and even more and nothing's going to change that. I don't want to prove anything to you who failed to understand my care for you but I will always remain yours forever.Sometimes I get upset, shut myself down, nothing seems to motivate me to live for another day, tell myself you don't care for me anymore, think all negative things, give myself the pain thinking I deserve it….just don't know why I do that but that's how it is. Perhaps loved you a lot more than my own life..perhaps had that beautiful dream of togetherness of sweet nothings.After decent education working for long around the world in major companies but all those comes to nothing when I think about you...the world seems empty & my eyes searches for you in billion people. You made me very Happy for some time..enough for me to live the rest in your memories. Always yours and I really miss you. Apna khayal rakhna. My hindi waits for you, it's getting worse jaan. Love you !

14/07- They say it's easy to love someone when things are perfect & everything is wonderful. But to love someone when things are difficult,when things are messing up, when one is ignored and abused is difficult. But I want both of us go thru that difficult kind of journey of love between us..when we are broken..torn apart.. challenging to stand together. That love is beautiful. That love is more meaningful. Accepting the flaws, forgiving the mistakes of someone who can do anything to love & care for you makes a relationship stronger. That kind of love holds forever & always.. & not running away. On this Saturday evening I was sitting & thinking of all the things to tell u to make you understand how much I love you but feelings not turning into words..just started to cry..may be too much of overwhelming love for you baby..something I did not know it did exist. We have obstacles to overcome but I believe we can make thru anything, promise to fight for you always. My precious sweet Angel. Love you forever. Miss you jaan. Apna khayal rakhna.

15/07 - I have read this somewhere and not my creation that if you have someone who still texts you when you have not replied for months..watches you give other people attention while ignoring someone who cares so much...handles all the bullshit & disrespect you show at them but still tries to holds it together...you really need to knock some sense in you to love back and let them not go as it's hard to find people who care and love you unconditionally even at the cost of their ego,life and career in this shitty self centered world. I am not asking you all these to do for me but just don't forget all the things we did..sometimes just text or call me..not to love me back but just to make me feel I did had some right on you and ur love. I say I love you so much..but don't take that lightly ..because I know one day this may seem routine to u, some days u might don't want to hear it , some moments u might even refuse to believe it but trust me every single time I say with the same love, same depth, same excitement & same heaviness. It's been fantastic with u & I always cherish everything I had with you. Love you babu. Apna khayal rakhna. Miss you a ton !

16/07 - I miss you, it pains me. But sometimes I get afraid that I will miss you forever. You are not with me but everything I do is only wrapped around your thoughts. Always I feel I walk with your heart & presence with me, every single time. Everytime I tell I love you just don't mean those three words ..sometimes it means you mean the world to me ..sometimes it means I cherish the memories we had together...sometimes it means you take care of yourself until I can do next time in next life and trying to remind myself that you are the best things that has happened to me ever. End of the night I always hope & pray that you find the person you deserve to hold the hand, you find someone just as perfect as you are. Yes, it hurts me and it will kill me inside but what's that meaning of love if I can’t be happy in your happiness. I promise to remain forever & always yours without any more expectations from my side, even okay when you block me everywhere from your life. I am learning to love you without you. Just remember that in silence I am still with u..I am right there. Like a whisper whose sound has faded but truth remains. Miss you a ton. Apna khayal rakhna. Love you !!!

17/07 - Another day without you ...another sleepless night awaits ...another evening of pain. Slowly everything seems to get numb ... slowly the loneliness of not having your hand in mine killing me inside to it's slow death. Only requested u with folded hands not to block so that at least I can see u & feel u beside me in this times of struggle but ….anyways don't u worry ..now I have developed a patience of lifetime to wait for u and your arms only. I have developed the strength to bear the pain without even u knowing about me. I try the hardest to hold on to our beautiful relationship, to make you understand and never to take you for granted ..yet all I could do is helplessly look while losing the one I loved the most. We could have been happy, I know that & that's the hardest thing to know & live. My memory always remembers you and again I break into tears feeling your hands on mine, feeling your head on my chest, hearing your voice , feeling our times together. I tried to forget but now I have resigned to that as I would never be able to forget u anytime soon in my life. You are very precious to me.. slowly giving up on life and career..I have nothing to look forward to next morning, not worth the life. Anyways if you can call me sometimes. I love you a lot. Miss you. Apna khayal rakhna. Yours me!

18/07- I have started to hate myself for pretending I am all fine. Just sit in the corner of my dark room and feel like crying ...may be just drama for you but I want to release all the feelings. Every morning I try to put myself together thinking today I will get to see you..today I will get your message..today I will get your call and hear your voice ..not for loving me back but just to feel to survive but again I break myself up at night ..every pieces of me screams inside me...again another silent night awaits..with only the sleeping pills to keep company and a hope for sleep. It has been a very difficult last two months..but I am happy I stayed yours and tried to keep us together instead of your assumptions, abuse and ignorance towards me. It makes me believe I was sincere in love not to replace u & prove to myself that I really loved & cared for u. Anyways it's tough for someone to understand why I want to pay a small forty bucks for a rickshaw fare..because it makes me feel u as my own,,gives me immense happiness...just like the morning juice. One day wear the saree, I want to see your picture in that and wish I was there beside u to smell every bit of your fragrance. It hurts when you know you tried, gave everything you have in this selfish world and still had to return with broken heart, it's the worst feeling. Even the depression medicines can take away that heavy feeling every single minute. Stay happy in your life & wish u all happiness. I miss you, yes very much. Love u. Yours me !

19/07 - losing you beside me has not been easy. Not a single hour goes without missing your texts, your calls, your thoughts, your warmth. Losing someone probably is just not that moment when they stop talking to you ..losing you probably means a lot more. I lose you everyday, everyday when i pass by your place, everyday when I miss u beside me in my car, everyday when u used to change to your fav station 93.5 from my Bengali one, everyday when I dropped u home , everyday when your hands fitted in perfectly on my finger spaces. It's been that kind of a love...where it's impossible to replace someone...your memories gives me a lot of pain ..but I still remember them everyday with lot of fondness of our sweet nothings. Only happiness is I can sacrifice my happiness to see you happy and probably that what you wanted. And I am losing myself too trying to hold on to you even when you don't care about us. You just did not break me, you broke our future together. They say life move on but I don't think so...my life, my happiness, my everything do not move anywhere without 'you’ in it. My memory keeps on asking about you..I have no answer..silence and an empty feeling and blank spaces have engulfed me. You may not believe but I gave you all I had, everything I had...may be it was not enough to hold on to me. Loads of love . Stay happy and my wishes and prayers are always with you. Apna khyaal rakhna. Miss you a ton. Yours me !

20/07 - As sun sets without you in my arms, as another week come to an close without seeing u, as days goes by without talking to u…. slowly somewhere deep in my heart I am realizing that I have stopped living, I am literally just trying to get to the next day. I am no more living, I am waiting. But the problem is I don't even know what exactly I am waiting for. Probably my heart will always remain yours and will keep waiting for you forever. Like the book says ‘ what is love if it's not forever’. This fight, this loneliness, this depression with a face to show to the world 'i am ok’ is probably taking the life out of me..in silence. I am not perfect, sometimes I say stupid things, sometimes I do stupid things, I have scars left on me by wrong people but I promise I always loved u & will always love u with a full heart. Maybe one day, just maybe, u will look back at what we had and regret every single thing u did to let it end.Hope you wear the watch..please do..it makes me feel u r with me with every beat of the second. Last birthday of urs was super special & many days I think of the beautiful time we had and all the little things I planned and did for you. It was beautiful. That's why your photos are special to me- at least they have not changed even if the person in it have changed. If u ever can, forgive me for loving & caring u so much, forgive me for my mistakes, forgive me for waiting for u for hours, forgive me for decorating our every single day. Our journey may not have been perfect, but it was still 'ours’..thank you for a lifetime of beautiful memories. Love you & miss u as always. Apna khayal rakhna.. Yours me !

21/07 - Heartbreak for you isn't beautiful, it isn't poetry, it isn't about staying up till 4am at night & listening to sad songs...pain do not heal that way. The pain comes every now & then..I break down in the middle of driving ..I break down in the middle of a busy street..seeing your face in all the people that pass by. It's about waking up from your dreams in the middle of the nights & screaming in the middle of night. They say - the heart isn't a cigarette - you can't just light it up & then stomp it out when u are done. Heart do not seek permission to haunt for you, search for u, look for u in every little single thing I do across the day. There is nothing pretty about bleeding for u & only u every single night. There is nothing pretty about sacrificing all my happiness, life, career and everything and just wait for impossible to happen. Losing you just isn't painful, it's pretty damaging you..I know that it's damaging me slowly to its end but still I embrace this pain to love you even more.Thought abt u is so strong that I could not even close my eyes without seeing u. Crying during random hours of the day, not wanting to get up from my dark room.. everything it hurts, it really do. I am not able to forget this kind of pain...March 23rd should not come again in my life.the day I saw u first time ...but never knew u will steal my heart and life with u forever. I am sorry for loving you so much .. love you a ton. Call me sometimes if u can just to hear ur voice once...apna khayal rakhna. Miss you in every breathe. Love u. URS me.

22/07 - I am holding onto u for so long..much longer than most would..mostly for the beautiful story of love we had and partially because I lost my self worth because in the end u belittled me thru everyone. Did things out of the ordinary to make u smile , cheered up all our moments of togetherness but all my efforts went unnoticed & unappreciated may be. But trust me I really loved you, really cared for u, really wanted to see u happy & show u the world in my way. Even if u hurt me, I would still come up with open arms to u..not that I don't have other options but I left my ego and may be even my self esteem to save something more beautiful. Even after u left me, I kept all ur conditions just to make u happy. My feelings for u was absolutely crazy but guess what ? After everything I did...after everything I felt..I still lost you. Although at times I may have forced the love but trust me it was just to keep it alive..to make u realize that we don't marry someone we can live with BUT we marry someone whom we cannot live without. Sometimes I ask why would u do that to me ? But then I love you so much that I forget & again love u with the same madness. Thank u always for beautiful memories ..it hurts but I read and re-read all our old conversations & fall in love all over again..only to realize the silence and emptiness the next moment.Hope u took some rest & spent good time with people u love & care. Did I ever cross ur mind ? Perhaps No.. anyways loads of love as always and I really do miss u. Apna khayal rakhna. Always urs. Yours me !!

23/07 - I have been in love with you for so long ? How long ..? So long ...that I can't even remember what it is like to live without loving you, without feeling you..beyond your silence & ignorance dear. It just seems like I don't even remember anyone before you. May be the magic in you, may be the smile, may be the hand in hand or may be just how you used to be with me makes me forget the world & even myself in madness of ur love. You know what I miss most ? Yes it's how you used to be inside me and still felt the need of my driving training, it's how u used to make fun of my super hindi but mostly it's those late night conversations for hours where we felt more like holding the phone with each other rather than feeling the tiredness of an entire day. It was a beautiful feeling.. isn't it? Do I ever cross ur mind that time of night ? I miss that the most. And you know you love them when you cannot hate them for breaking your heart. U had the most beautiful eyes, the kind one can get lost into and I guess I did that. Sometimes I cannot let go of what is making me sad because it was the only thing in a long time that made me happy. Our times together...ur car often asks about u ...I have no answer. Just hope u have been safe and had less difficulty in this rain. Take care of yourself and I am always a phone call away, my heart cannot block u for even a moment. Like everyday I thank u for being in my life for sometime and giving me a lifetime of memories to cherish even in pain. Loads of love and I miss u very much. Come home to me. Yours me !

24/07 - I am not perfect and I never was….I make mistakes..I love a lot more than needed...I care beyond limit sometimes...I have trust issues sometimes...I get emotional sometimes...I have jealousy issues..I get mad sometimes ...but when I love you- I really do love you with my everything. When I say I love you I really mean beyond the words, when I care for u in small little things I really do it from my heart. Yes everything I tried to do thinking not only of you as a part of me but the whole of me. In loving you I forgot to love myself & I was happy about it. Ur bday meant more than mine to me. Please don't assume my caring as controlling, don't confuse my running behind you like.mad for foolishness, don't make me put all the effort for making us together, don't make me alone in this journey. As I say together we can give meaning to things which otherwise seem impossible. Maybe you have a lot more sane relationships which is making you happy but u will someday ..just someday ..maybe miss me….miss someone who used to.leave all his work for you..miss someone who used to care about every small things about you..someone who used to wrap things for you with a lot of heart..someone who would do anything to keep you smiling. Anyways u choose what makes u happy ...I am happy to live in your memories & this pain always keeps me reminding that I need to love u even more every single day. It's always and forever for u and my doors & arms will wait just & just for u alone. Apna khayal rakhna. Love u a ton & miss u. Yours me !!

25/07 - In french they don't say ‘ I miss you.’ they say ..”tu me manques” ..which means you are missing from me...I told you this a few times but I really do love that. All day I check your blocked dp..your status..messages..call logs ….I know I will not find what I am hoping for but that's how madly & badly I loved u...hoping ..just hoping to see a message from u someday. Hoping someday u will feel the pain of waiting for someone so desperately..hoping someday u will realize the value of what we had together. As I browse your photos ..yes I save everyone of them ...I think of a word which is close to 'love’ and only thing that comes in my mind is your name. I see your pictures & wonder when will I stop hoping ..when it will stop hurting..when I can just give up this pain forever. Today u don't have time...busy in your new life ..but someday if ever u miss me..u will realize what I went through & all alone..u promised me though. I am waiting but with time I am losing myself slowly in depression & medicines....hope someday u look for me ...may be u won't find me..search for me in the crowd of the stars at night & I will right be there with u. I promise to be beside u whenever u need me, even if I am not there. Remember always choose to love even in those moments where u struggle to like each other because love is commitment & just nor a feeling with a switch. Never make the one you love feel so much alone. All I wanted was to hold your hand at eighty and say -” we made it”. Apna khayal rakhna. Love u a ton. Yours always and forever !

26/07 - I am sorry for everything.. for calling you ..for messaging you and for running behind you madly...I have stopped long back ..I keep this writing to myself ….I feel I am connected to you in a way that even best of love stories would envy. I just hope to arrive at my death, in love & a little drunk in your beautiful memories. There is nothing to look forward to the next morning ..all my dreams are lost and forgotten..there is nothing to be happy about...still my heart craves for u every hour of the day..the insults and abuses hurled at me mean a little when I see ur picture with mine ..still I feel to call to u when it rains & think about ur safety. I know u can take care of yourself..I know u can manage yourself but Amar Mon mane na. Forgive me for that ..I am just living in your thoughts & it keeps getting back to me. It's absolute hell when loving u in my sleep and waking up all alone. It's ironic .. isn't it? How hope keeps us breathing just to kill us in the end. Sometimes I wonder do u care if it hurts ? Do u think about me ? Do u even realize that u destroyed 'us’? Do u even think if u got the facts right ? I think u never do...I just thought I loved u enough that u would come once ..sit..talk and ask me whatever u wanted and then leave me..rather than the way u did. Anyways as I say I cannot even be angry with u for few moments..u r my sweetheart...lots of love and I really do miss ur hand in mine every time I drive. Love u a ton. Apna khayal rakhna. Yours me !!

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threemoonsareshining · 7 years ago

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i don't know which questions to ask you so i'm just going to say answer as many as you like / whichever ones you like! i love reading your answers!! i hope you have a week full of stars and candy and love Xx

Hi nice anon, thank you so much for this distraction now get ready for some ranting

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Yes but I think I do it ironically.

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Normally 1 but a 5 if it was a really bad day and I get a little anxiety.

4. What is your favorite word? I like de word Melancolía (melancholy)

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A holm oak because they’re strong and they can endure everything (I have an actual favourite tree and it’s, in fact, an enormous holm oak I used to climb when I was little and that I still sometimes climb tbh it’s so tall and creates a magical atmosphere)

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? This sounds really pessimistic but I thought about how disgusting my face was because my acne is really bad these days and I sleep with a bun which isn’t the most flattering hairstyle

7. What shirt are you wearing? A pyjama shirt I have since I was 11 but that still fits me

8. What do you label yourself as? Forgettable

9. Bright room or dark room? Dark

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? I was avoiding my responsibilities on the verge of an anxiety attack

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? When I was 13-14 because I believe at some point in that time I was genuinely happy for the last time

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom

13. Your worst enemy? This sounds so fake deep but I think it’s my fear of living

14. What is your current desktop picture? I made an album with some of my photography (when I used to take pictures and stuff) which are mostly flowers and my cats

15. Do you like someone? I did 2 weeks ago but I’m not so sure now

16. The last song you listened to? New Jerusalem by Bear’s Den

17. You can press a button that will make anyone person explode. Who would you blow up? Probably Trump tbh

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I mean I don’t like violence but rn there’s a boy who was in my class who is trying to throw a party and he’s so so so so SO annoying he needs someone to punch him and put him in his place because he thinks that he’s becoming some kind of ”influencer” (which he’s not) and that he’s above everyone else and he needs to calm the f down

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Idk I like my lips and sometimes my hair looks nice

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? I’ve been thinking for a while but nothing comes to mind sorry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? It’s not unique but I have an irrational fear of dolls and I also can’t stand mantis because they move as if they were being controlled by Satan himself

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’m going to save it most probably because I don’t spend money but if I felt generous I’d buy my parents/friends something nice

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? I can’t make this kind of decisions, too many places in this world but somewhere I can just go braless all the time and feel free like a lil bird

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Everyone chillax

29. What is your favorite expletive? I don’t swear like never ever so I don’t have one

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? One of my mom’s paintings

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Being publicly humiliated by the people who I thought were my friends would be nice to forget

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My maternal grandfather because he left us too soon and my mom always says I had a really strong connection with him when I was a kid and I would’ve loved to get to know him more because she always talks about him and he seemed like a very wise person

34. What was your last dream about? I dreamt I had to take a train and I lost it and there were lots of people waiting at the station and I felt so confused (which is the story of my life tbh)

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I’d like to say I’m a good listener

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Not only a snowman but a WHOLE FAMILY of snowmen

38. What is the color of your socks? Black

39. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental and acoustic music but I’m currently rediscovering my love for electro-pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets because I think they’re prettier but I love the way watching the sunrise makes me feel

43. Do you have any scars? I have a scar on my knee and I also have my knuckles full of scars because I would rub them against rocks all the time as a kid (don’t ask me why I don’t know)

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? I would get rid of the anxieté obviously because it’s ruining me

46. Are you reliable? I wouldn’t say I’m a tomb but I sure know what I can definitely not tell under any circumstances and if someone asks me not to tell something I won’t.

48. Do you hold grudges? I did like a month ago but now I’ve managed to make peace with almost everyone who I’ve wronged/has wronged me and it feels so nice honestly

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? A few weeks ago I ended up talking about all my school trauma with a boy who told me about all his childhood trauma, being this boy the person I most hated at some point in the past so that was pretty surreal

51. Are you a good liar? I’m not but people are used to me NOT lying about stuff so if I lied (which I don’t) they’de believe me even though I would sound fake af

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I’m really bad at accents

56. What do you like on your toast? Sugar with butter, olive oil with sugar or just some melted chocolate with cinnamon

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? I love drawing flowers

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Not often but I should because I find it so so so entertaining

64. What do you think about babies? They’re cute sometimes if I stare at them from a distance with earplugs in my ears

These are a lot of answers but you asked for them so there you have! Thanks!! 🍁🍁🍁

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