#but maybe she forgot it after smoochin someone

[iceical]

Decided to draw Vicky! She turned out so adorable! Also I do commissions! Heres my Kofi

[dbseamz]

The long awaited second half of my first fanfic!

This is the second half (Part 2 of 2) of “Truth and Love Revealed”, my fluffy Rocketshipping confession/first kiss fanfic. The first half worked as a standalone but I wanted to add more, and it turns out I’m a lot better at writing from Jessie’s POV. Or maybe I felt I could flesh it out more because I wasn’t trying to upload it on a Valentine’s Day deadline. Or both.

Side note, if anyone can walk me through how to use Ao3 (particularly the tagging system) I’d love to post both halves together there and reach more readers. I also want to add illustrations at some point.

Here it is:

The distant screech of a Dodrio woke Jessie shortly after sunrise. She kept her eyes closed--if that had been a dream, she didn’t want it to be over. And such a vivid dream, too--she thought she could still feel his arm around her shoulders, heavy and warm under the top of her sleeping bag...

Wait a minute.

Opening her eyes, at first all she could see was James’s sleeping face in front of her. His dark lashes brushed his cheeks, and the little wisp of hair he could never tame hung down, almost touching the pillowlike cushion of his sleeping bag. She could hear the faintest of snores; his mouth was slightly open, each breath making the hair that lay across his cheek flutter. 

For once she let her guard down and allowed herself to fully appreciate just how beautiful he was. It ached, to think of him that way, when she knew her attempts at finding love always went wrong. And that he seemed reluctant, even scared of the idea of dating a girl.

A soft sound interrupted her conflicted state. James was mumbling indistinctly in his sleep, his lips moving slightly before settling as he went quiet again.

His lips...she could still remember what it had felt like to kiss him. No dream of hers had ever been that clear before, or focused on one sequence of events so long instead of dissolving from one scenario to the next. A tiny spark of hope lit in the back of Jessie’s mind in spite of herself. 

And as she stared at his mouth, all soft and relaxed in sleep, she noticed the tiniest smudge of pink on his upper lip. It looked like lip gloss.

Her lip gloss.

It wasn’t a dream! She gasped and barely managed to keep from making some sudden sound that would have awakened James too abruptly, but he must have heard or felt something because the hand on her back moved a bit and his face twitched. The deep, rhythmic breathing faltered as his brilliant green eyes blinked sleepily, then he saw her and his face seemed to light up, those lips curving into a warm smile. “Good morning, Jess.”

She tried to speak and instead produced a sort of high pitched noise like a Pikachu might make if its mouth were covered. Instantly embarrassed, she yanked the corner of her sleeping bag over her head, hearing James trying not to laugh as he sat up.

“What was that for?” he asked, lifting the cloth away from her face. There was no teasing in his expression, just that wonderful soft smile she remembered from last night. When she had peeked through her eyelashes as he described everything he loved about her.

“It wasn’t a dream,” she replied. Half asking.

“Ohhhh...No, no it wasn’t.” He reached down and helped her into a sitting position on top of her sleeping bag, facing him.

“So…” her voice got fainter as she spoke. “Do you really…” Her mouth formed the words love me, silently.

Those gorgeous eyes looked straight into hers. “Yes.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

He met her eyes. Hesitating a bit, as if he too felt that all of this was almost too good to be true, he spoke. “I...I love you, Jessie.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks; she knew it would be clear from her expression that these were happy tears so she said nothing, only watched and listened as he repeated himself. Perhaps he was just as thrilled by the sound of the words as she was.

“Jessica, I love you. I’ve loved you for...so long. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to say this.”

So her faint hopes and guesses had been true? Part of her wanted more proof. 

Another part remembered that tiny pink smudge. 

“Then kiss me.”

He blinked, looking surprised, then smiled. He didn’t say anything aloud, certainly nothing as bold or cliché as I thought you’d never ask, but his face said he really had been hoping, and not quite believing, that she would make such a request. She puckered her lips and leaned a little closer, waiting. At last, he reached for her, one hand gently cupping the back of her head and neck, the other over her shoulder, his palm warming her back. Slowly, carefully, tilting his head just enough not to bump noses, he fitted his lips against hers.

His kiss was no less passionate than hers had been last night, but he was so tender and gentle that it was an altogether different experience. This time, the feeling of warmth didn’t fizz--it flowed, slow and sweet like sugar syrup. She leaned a little closer to him, eyes closed, and felt his silky hair brush her face.

Too soon, he withdrew, the hand that had supported her head brushing lightly against her cheek as he sat up straight again. Jessie blinked, reeling from the overwhelming sensation.

“How was that?” he murmured, his beautiful green eyes shining softly.

She reached for him, clumsily. “More.”

He laughed, sounding delighted, and scooped her onto his lap instead. She was almost as tall as him, so she had to scrunch down to see more than the side of his head. They shifted until he sat cross-legged and she sat sideways in the space between his knees, leaning back against the arm he’d wrapped around her shoulders with her own arm around his.

Lowering her eyelashes but not fully closing her eyes, Jessie tilted her face up, lips slightly parted. James looked at her, grinned, then leaned in to kiss the tip of her nose, startling a giggle from her. He laughed along with her, then kissed her cheek. And her chin. And her other cheek. And her forehead just below the point of her hairline, so light and tickly that she almost forgot that wasn’t what she had asked him for...almost. The laughter in his eyes reminded her.

“Ja-ames,’ she complained with a playful pout.

“Oh, all right,” he said in the same exaggerated tone, trying not to smile and failing. This kiss was just as affectionate, and she returned it eagerly, wrapping her free hand around the back of his head like he’d done for her. Pressed close against him, she could feel the thump of his heart, quick and strong.

A familiar voice cut through the warm haze in her mind. “Were either of yous gonna tell me about this, or was I s’posed ta wake up to you smoochin’ right in front of me?”

James started and pulled away. He and Jessie twisted around to glare at Meowth--or at least Jessie glared. James just looked rather guilty.

“Is there something you want us to tell you?” Jessie asked, more than a little irritated at the interruption.

“Um. No. Wait, yes!” The little feline’s face brightened. “Who confessed first?”

“Uh—”

“Me.” James’s face flushed pink.

“Ha!” crowed Meowth. “Wobbuffet owes me!”

They had bets on us?! Jessie made to move, but James squeezed her shoulder, urging her with his eyes to relax. She sighed and stayed put, but couldn’t resist saying, “Just so you know, fuzz head, I kissed him first. In case that evens your wager.”

She could feel James laughing silently as Meowth sputtered angrily and stopped digging in their bags for Wobbuffet’s Pokeball. “Hmph. At least I can tell ‘im I found out your secret first.” That thought seemed to cheer him, and he chortled to himself as he began packing away their small camp.

James must have recognized that Jessie was still annoyed, and seemed to be trying to distract her. He stroked her cheek lightly, and in spite of herself she leaned into it, squinting her eyes shut, savoring the gentle touch. He chuckled.

“What?”

Inclining his head toward Meowth, James replied, “I’ve seen him make the same face when someone pets him.” The amusement in his voice faded into mild curiosity as she moved her head slightly to stay in contact with his hand. “You’re touch-starved, aren’t you?”

“Mnph.” It made her sound vulnerable, put that way. And yet there was a part of her that did crave the simple feeling of contact, from the firm, reassuring pressure of his hugs to the delicate brush of his fingertips on her bare skin. It was hard to tell whether or not that came from her feelings for James specifically, but maybe he was right.

He had withdrawn his hand, looking concerned. “I didn’t mean you should stop,” she muttered, half reaching for his hand before he rested it on her cheek again.

That got even more of a laugh. “Just like Meowth.”

“Tell her all my embarrassin’ feline habits, why don’t you?” came the complaint.

“Says the cat who wouldn’t shut up about discovering our secret, when we weren’t even trying to keep it a secret. And besides, I know about ‘em al...ready…” Jessie would have said more, but James had started tracing her hairline with the tip of one finger, then sliding the side of his hand along her jaw. It tickled but in a very good way.

Delicious shivers ran up and down her spine, multiplying as he traced the curve of her ear. Her eyelids fluttered, and she felt as if she were melting into his arms. Maybe it wasn’t just touch she had “starved” for, she realized. Maybe it was affection, or the feeling that someone else cared deeply about her and found genuine joy in knowing she was happy. When James switched from caressing her face to running his hands through her long hair, Jessie let out a contented sigh and buried her face in the side of his neck.

In stories, the love interests always smelled like some poetic and improbable combination of scents. All Jessie could smell with her nose just above his jacket collar and his hair tickling her closed eyelids was a slight hint of sweat, too faint to be unpleasant, and something else, something sweet and distinctly floral…

She inhaled slowly. Roses. Of course. Either he used some sort of scented shampoo or the aroma of the flowers themselves lingered in his hair. Maybe both.

“Jess?”

She lifted her head to smile up at him. “I love you, James.” 

He cuddled her close. “I love you too.”

They sat like that a while longer, until James broke the silence again.

“So,” he said, sounding suddenly shy. “Will you...will you be my—”

“Your girlfriend?” she asked with the same hesitancy, hardly daring to believe what was happening.

He squeezed her shoulder gently. “I was going to say ‘my sweetheart’, but sure.”

“Oh—” 

Her throat was too tight to answer him. She nodded vigorously, hair bouncing behind her, and leaned in to kiss him but found that she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Instead she nuzzled his cheek with her nose and hugged him tighter and was finally able to whisper, right in his ear: “Yes.” She swallowed hard, not wanting to cry again. “Yes, I’ll be your sweetheart.”

If he had been standing up, she suspected, James probably would have lifted her off her feet and spun her around, so happy he looked—and then sounded, as he replied; “Then I’ll be yours.”

They had things to do, surely. Traps to set, plans to make. Meowth was already grumbling somewhere nearby about “love-boids wasting time”. But it could all wait, Jessie reasoned, if it meant she could stay in her sweetheart’s arms just a little longer.

[legolasoftherings]

Second Time pt. 2

Pairing: Modern(coffee shop)!Kili x reader Word Count: 2339 Warnings: lots of smoochin, a tiny bit of jealousy, so so so much tooth decaying fluff A/N: Seriously, not even joking, this is completely full of cliches but whatEVER. Honestly, it’s so cute it made me cry writing it. Also, remember how I said this would be updated weekly? I lied (unintentionally, but still). Happy reading, darlings <3

PART 1

As the day went by, Kili almost completely forgot about you. Customers seemed ruder today, but he pushed through with the promise of seeing you at the end of the day. At 1:57, he heard the door open. “Hi welcome to-- oh,” he said looking up. To his surprise, it was you, “You’re a little early.” “I just needed to come work on things for a little while, and thought I’d come here,” you replied with a shrug and a grin. “Well, what would you like?” “What’s the most caffeinated thing you’ve got?” “I like your style,” he smirked with a knowing look on his face, “One cold brew with an extra shot coming up!” 

You sat up at the bar and chatted as he made your coffee, his smile boring through your defenses. You couldn’t stop yourself from blushing, and you tripped over your words, but he was too caught up in his own nervous thoughts to notice.   “Here you go,” he said with a sweet smile, passing the cup to you. Your fingers brushed his, and you swore your heart stopped. Recovering quickly, you grabbed your bag and choked out, “Thanks.” Sitting down at a small table, you pulled out your laptop and tried to focus on the work email you were trying to reply to, but unfortunately, you couldn’t help but admire Kili as he worked. His hair was pulled back into a bun, but small wavy strands framed his face effortlessly. The t-shirt he was wearing was just tight enough to emphasize his toned chest and biceps, and you quickly took a sip of your cold brew to stop your mouth from falling open. After you had gotten your coffee and sat down, Kili breathed a sigh of relief. I didn’t mess it up too badly, he thought to himself. Just then, he heard a laugh behind him. “Good going, lover boy,” Dwalin teased, slow clapping. Kili hit him with the towel he was holding with a groan. Dwalin laughed and said, “What? I didn’t say you did bad! I think she really likes you.” “Well, thanks for the analysis,” Kili deadpanned. Just then, a customer walked in the door and up to the counter. He ordered a latte, paid, and stepped back. Turning around, the customer surveyed the almost empty coffee shop, and recognized you. ��Y/N?” You turned towards the voice, and your eyes lit up. “Bard!” you exclaimed, jumping up and running towards him, “It’s been so long, old man.” He laughed at the nickname, and retorted, “You and I both know that I’m two days older than you. That doesn’t mean I’m old.” “Sorry, I forgot! It means you’re practically ancient!” You gave him a bear hug as he kissed your forehead, his mustache pleasantly scratching your skin. The two of you continued to talk as he grabbed his coffee; you were completely oblivious to Kili watching you sulkily, however, Dwalin was not. “What’s going on, lover boy?” “WIll you stop calling me that?” Kili snapped, seething. Dwalin chuckled and got back to work, leaving Kili alone with his thoughts. You pulled Bard back to your table, and continued to chatter away with your old friend. For you, the time flew by, and suddenly, it was 2:30. “I’m so sorry to cut this short, but I have to drive the guy behind the counter home,” you said. Bard raised an eyebrow at you, and you blushed slightly. “How’d you two meet?” he asked with a wink and a smile. “Just at some party,” you said, pausing, “Do you want to meet for dinner soon?” you asked, changing the subject. “Definitely! I’ll text you later,” he replied, “Bye, loser.” “Bye, dumbass,” you said, giving him a squeeze and kiss on the forehead as you grabbed your things.   Kili heard the last little bit of the conversation as he stepped out from behind the counter and scowled. You smiled at him, oblivious to his sullen face and walked him out the door. Unfortunately, it had begun to rain, and you had parked farther away, and you hadn’t thought to bring a jacket. “Here,” Kili murmured, draping his black bomber jacket over you as you shivered slightly in the damp cold. You looked up at him in grateful surprise, and he smiled softly at your expression. Trying to think of something to say, your mind raced. Finally, you spoke, “Sorry I parked so far away. If I’d known it was going to rain, I would have parked closer.” “Y/N, it’s totally fine. If anything, I’m glad I get to spend more time with you,” he replied smoothly, putting his hands in his pockets. You flushed and quickly looked away, biting the inside of your cheek. The rain felt cool on the skin of your face, contrasting noticeably with your burning cheeks. Avoiding Kili’s eyes felt like the best choice, so you focused on the orange and red hues of the trees lining the rain-soaked street.     When you arrived at your car at last, your hair was damp and tangling. Kili, ever the gentleman, pulled your car door open, bowing low with a cheesy grin. “Thank you, good sir,” you wisecracked, returning his bow with a curtsy, and sitting down in the driver’s seat. He crossed over to the other side of the car, and climbed in. He pulled his hair out of its low bun, letting the softly curling waves spill over his shoulders effortlessly. You tried not to stare, but you couldn’t help yourself. You could tell he was wrestling with his thoughts, and you waited with aching anticipation. Eventually, he sighed, “Who was that guy?” He didn’t even try to hide the twinge of jealousy in his voice “Kili, please, don’t worry about it. That was Bard, a family friend. He’s like my brother, we’ve been friends forever!” you exclaimed defensively, “Are you jealous?” “Well-” “Kili, you’re jealous!” your incredulous reply came almost laughingly. “Maybe I am!” His abrupt statement sent your mind reeling. You exhaled and put your hands on your knees, unsure of what to say. “I like you, Y/N. A lot,” he continued, his chocolate brown eyes peering into yours for some kind of response, “You haven’t left my mind since the second time I met you, but I don’t know if you feel the same.” “Kili,” you breathed, moving closer to him, “I feel exactly the same.” With that, you leaned over the console and gently brushed your lips against his. Grinning into the kiss, Kili reached out to pull you closer, somehow pulling you over the console and into his lap. Your fingers tangled themselves in his waves, and you gasped for breath. Looking into his eyes, you realized how much you had craved him. Without warning, you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him close. His arms wrapped you up tightly as you breathed in the scent of freshly brewed coffee in his hair. You leaned against his toned chest, and heard his faint heartbeat drumming against your ear. No words needed to be said, and nothing disturbed your peaceful silence until he spoke. “How about I take you on a real date, hmm?” he asked, “What do you think?” “I’d like that,” you replied, looking up at his cheerful face. “Does a picnic sound alright? I make a mean BLT.” Giggling, you answered,“Kili, anything with you sounds wonderful.” “So it’s settled, then. Friday, 6:30, I’ll pick you up.” “Kili, in case you forgot, you don’t have a car at the moment.” “Oh… uh, yeah. I’ll get that figured out.” “Well then, I’ll be waiting,” you smiled, “Speaking of picking up, I should probably take you home.” “Right,” he sighed, “One more kiss?” You laughed and gave his smirking lips a final kiss before you opened his door and moved to the driver's seat. “Do you want the aux?” you asked as you pulled out of the parking spot, “The cord is in the glove compartment.” He pulled the cord out and connected his phone, and you couldn’t help but notice his background. “Is that your cat?” “Yeah, that’s Misty,” he replied fondly, “This is a picture of her a few months ago when she was just a kitten, she’s a little bigger now.” “She’s adorable!” “I could introduce you, if you’d like,” Kili suggested, trying to hide his excitement. Little did you know, this boy loved his cat more than almost anything. “Really? I’d love to, if it’s alright.” “It’s totally fine with me.” He grinned and opened his music app. You noticed a playlist with your name on it, and you raised your eyebrows. He avoided your questioning eyes and pressed shuffle, and a soft guitar and male voice floated in. Looking at your dashboard display, you read: Second Time- Bruno Major. “We were playing twenty one In the pitch black of a country night I was struck like a drum…” You smiled at the lyrics, and began the route back to Kili’s apartment. “I was dangerously tangled, second time I met you And now I'm so impatient to adore you I crashed my car last night.” You turned abruptly to Kili, who just smiled. “My past week has been written in a song,” he murmured, “It’s a sign.” You barely stopped yourself from laughing aloud as you realized he was dead serious. Quickly regaining your composure, you listened and drove silently until the last notes of the song faded out. The next one began, and you recognized the artist almost immediately. The soft piano and humming of Ella Fitzgerald piped in through the speakers, and you were impressed. “I knew you had taste, but I didn’t know your taste was this good,” you commented, as the verse began. “I’ve got a crush on someone Guess who?” As you glanced at Kili once more, he was gazing out the window at the falling leaves. Feeling your eyes on him, he turned toward you and winked not-so-subtly with a smirk.   “I would kiss you again if I wasn’t driving,” you quipped. “You could pull over,” he replied smoothly, laughing softly at your eye roll. “I’m trying to take you home, but we’ll never get there if you keep distracting me.” He raised his hands in defeat with a cocky grin and turned the music up slightly. “I never had the least notion that I could fall with so much emotion...” The music faded into the background of your thoughts, which were running wild. The fleeting thoughts felt like the fallen leaves breezing by your windows, listless and separated. All you could think of was Kili, and your brain took that in all directions. You pulled into the parking lot of his apartment building. “Y/N,” piped in through your daydreams, but it didn’t register, “Y/N.” “Hmm?” “I said, do you want to come inside?” “I can’t stay long, Kili.”   “Well, do you want to come inside or not?” The next thing you knew, Kili was unlocking his front door, and calling, “I’m home!” You looked at him with a raised eyebrow, confused as to who he was talking to, but then you saw it. A small dark grey cat, which you recognized as a Russian blue, padded softly towards you, meowing sweetly. Kili squatted down, murmuring, “Hello, darling,” as the small cat rubbed her face against his palm and looked expectantly up at you. You knelt down next to Kili as Misty approached you and rubbed herself against your legs. “You’re such a sweetheart,” you said softly to the cat, who meowed in response and snuggled her face into your open hand. “She’s never warmed up to anyone this quick before,” he commented, reaching out to scratch her ear, “Usually, she stays away when company’s over.” “Do you have company often?” “Mostly just my brother, Fili, and my mom and uncle.” “Huh. Is being devastatingly attractive a family trait?” Kili laughed and picked up the cat, cuddling her close to his chest as he said, “Yes, but I’m the best looking.” “That’s good to know. I made the best choice, then,” you returned, scratching Misty’s furry face gently. You were so focused on her that you didn’t notice Kili leaning in to kiss your lips. He caught you by surprise, making you giggle into his mouth. The sound was music to his ears, and he almost dropped Misty to pull you closer. You took the cat and gently placed her on the ground before he could protest, and tangled your fingers in his hair. He kissed you again softly, wrapping his arms around your middle. “Ki,” you murmured, slightly surprised at how easily the nickname fell from your tongue, “I have to go home.” “So soon?” he asked, a pathetic frown crossing his features as he leaned his forehead against yours. “Kili, we’re going on a date in a few days. I promise I’ll text you before then, it’ll be like I never left,” you replied, moving toward the front door. “In that case, I’ll be waiting by my phone.” “Bye, Ki.” “Goodbye, Y/N,” he responded, pressing a final kiss to your forehead. You smiled at him, and shut the door behind you. As you stepped down the stairs, you were almost dizzy with giddiness. The cool, misty rain took you by surprise, but it was a welcome one. As you opened your car door, you felt your phone vibrate. Kili: I miss you already You grinned, and moved to get into your car, but it vibrated again. Kili: look up Looking up at his apartment window, you saw him holding Misty and waving at you with a stupid, toothy grin. You texted back, and watched him check his phone and reply. You: dork Kili: only for you, Y/N You blew him a kiss, and he caught it, pressing it to his heart. Giggling like a child, you got in the car and waved him goodbye for the final time before you drove away.

[violet-author]

Your Wallet And Your Heart, She Has Both ((18+))

This fic is the product of over a weeks worth of work, as compared to my usual stuff that only takes a few hours or so, I think it may be my longest fic yet. Inspired by the Author of the Spinel Fic titled “Yearning” ((Read it here! )) And to anyone questioning what Spinel actually IS in this fic, I don’t even know myself. Spookier that way. Warnings: Death, Yandere, Stalking, Discussion Of Domestic Abuse, Light Horror, Cake

“Nevah had a reason ‘til tonight, to chase a fella down, then I looked at you leaving the hotel, so I followed. Cause I just had to know… who was that othah chick you were with? They seemed pretty miffed when ya left yer room, you dropped ya key on the way too so… I had another reason to follow you… and the third… I guess I just like ya face. Cute like a doll It… spoke to me, if that makes any sense…”, she stops to take a sip of her drink, “I’m surprised you didn’t notice me, what with the pink hair an’ all, so uh… I’m Spinel.”

Another sip of her drink, and a gentle chuckle as she looked down into her glass, “Don’t worry about tellin me yer name. I already know it.”, she held ip your wallet, and slid it back to you, “again honey, don’t worry. All your money is safe and sound where you left it. I’m not a thief, well, maybe I am… but… I don’t like stealin from pretty people like you, and ah… I got reasons to follow ya… I won’t be too far if ya evah need me for anythin, and I mean that, anything.”, she finished her drink and stood up, she pushed you down into your chair when you tried to follow, she put down some cash to pay for the drinks too. “No pal, I follow you, you don’t get to follow me ok? And ah… check you wallet. Left a present.”, and so… she left the bar. You check your wallet, her phone number was written on a piece of paper neatly tucked inside… along with 300 extra dollars. You feel as if she’s special to you already. A new best friend… You head back to your hotel room and pack your things, you’re breaking up with the beast of a person you were with… true love’s on its way, and so are you. Getting into your car… Lightning strikes behind you, the outline of her in your back seat… you check… no one there, you turn on the radio… just static… you drive off anyways. You want to call her as soon as you get home. “I just couldn’t leave em alone now could I? But… One look at em while I sat on the balcony next to their window the first night they were here… and I just finished offin my now late boyfriend too, kinda glad I wear these gloves all the time too… who am I talkin to? Oh yeah, me. So anyways… I just had to meet em… not like they had a choice… I covered my tracks pretty well and kept the ‘do not disturb’ sign up on the door with a sock on the knob… staff musta thought we was bein reeeeal quiet with the lovemakin… Hmm… what did he even do for me to waste one o’ my favorite butterflies in the back o’ his heart… oh yeaaaah… caught him smoochin some other broad in the same bar I found my new lovie dovie… hehe place o’ fate I tell ya, who? Me!”, she laughed at her little half joke…“Anyways… so now they’re in their house and I’m just sittin here in the backseat of their car, planning my next move… who knows, maybe ah… maybe I’ll marry this one… or are they gonna be number 12… I hope not… that face of theirs… oof… nevah seen a prettier picture, would look even bettah with plenty of my lipstick marks all over their cheeks…. damn I wish I could gotten out with em buuuut…. people freak out when someone they just met is suddenly on their car… looks like I got a long night… bettah get some sleep too… gotta be well rested for our dare tomorrow… not that they have a choice, it’s their neck on the line aftah all… but they don’t know that yet… they will. I’ll make sure of it.” Later on in the day, Spinel knocks on your door “Ok so uh, well I got outta your car and I locked it like a good girl, cause I know I am one, I knocked on your door hopin for a chance to see ya again and it’s real cold out here, so let me in ok?”, said Spinel after you opened your front door. Shocking it were to see her, to know she was hiding in your car the whole time… you figure she’d break into your home if you denied her now, so you let her in. She walked past you with a tired looking smile, and you took in the sight of her, pink hair in a pair long pony tails, long sleeve black shirt, form fitting with a black tank top adorned with a pink skull having a heart shaped crack on the forehead, a dark pink skirt looking stylishly tattered, and stockings stripped with pink and black, with a pair of thrice belted heavy looking knee height heeled boots, by all accounts… she should be noticed anywhere. You noticed her footsteps don’t make a sound… and you ask why.“Uuuh, I dunno either I just… step lightly? Kind of a wiiiierd question to ask babe, why don'tcha let me handle the questions ok? Number one, who was that bitch you were with? Number two, do ya live alone?”, You sigh and respond, she is your ex-girlfriend, you broke up with her a few hours ago. And you reluctantly say yes, you do live alone. “Hmmm great! Guess you’re all mine then!” You ask what she means “What do ya think it means pal? Means I’m your girlfriend! Ain’t ya happy for that? I mean… look at me? The cute skirt, the thick legs, my adorable face,  plenty of hair for ya to pull, you’d be stupid to reject me, and you look pretty smart to me hun, so say yes. Say I’m yours”, her expression hardened, “Say it. 'Spinel, you’re mine’, I want to hear it straight from those pretty lips.You hold yourself silent for a few seconds… and relent, you guess you need to be with someone… you can’t imagine being alone again… you say what she asked you to say, suddenly you feel a prick on your finger, it starts to bleed pretty badly, she holds your hand up and licks the blood away with a teasing giggle in her throat. "There, all better, now you’re stuck with me, I don’t leave you and you don’t leave me, got it hun?” You feel clawed hands crawling on your back… you don’t remember what happened next. You wake up next to Spinel. Trying to understand what just happened… you fail miserably. “M, m, mmm… last night was fun buuuut… I didn’t get to go as far as I wanted, they passed out before I could actually do anything, guess lettin em feel that clawin fear mighta been too much for em to handle. Still, maybe I oughta hold off on doin anythin freaky. They don’t seem like the lewd type anyways… heh, but the look on their face, if I wasnt already in love with em I woulda fallen for em right then and there, oh gosh their eyes were practically burning in terror! And the way their mouth hung open like they were aboutta scream, ooh that was bliss… hm, oh? Looks like they forgot somethin. They were sure scramblin outta bed when they woke up… hmmm., now that I think about it… oh. Oh no. No no no no… nobody rushes that fast at 5 in the mornin…”You were at work, a boring office job, but your coworkers kept to themselves, so you had no issues most of the time. But today, they put in a little pink palm tree in your cubicle, you nearly fell over on sight of it, thinking it was Spinel. You held your heart, feeling the thumping flesh within pounding a beat you could almost dance to, with a nervous chuckle you cover it with the seat cover on your chair and get straight to work. You pushed away every thought of her that you could, focusing solely on your work, typing code and responses, sending reports, the kind of mind numbing work your brain can just check out from. As you dozed off by little degrees your fingers quickened… until it was four hours later, and you realized you finished everything early, gleefully you hop from your chair, with plans to go down to your favorite café for a treat, do you head into the bathroom, change clothes, and head to your car. And you freeze. The night before the last the lightning struck and you saw her shadow in your car… and then she appeared at your house the next day. You remember that very well. So you make a point of checking every inch of your car as thoroughly as you can, the back seat, the front, the trunk, under the car as the wheels on yours put it a foot and a half off the ground… and curiously you check in both small compartments in the front of the car, you haven’t the slightest idea why, you just had to be sure she wasn’t hiding anywhere. With the check complete, you carefully got inside your car and drove off to taste some sweetness. You park, get out, check your car once more, then lock everything that could be locked on it before heading inside. The dimly lit room spoke of serenity as piano played to some slow classical tune from speakers overhead, the sound of rain played softly along with low thunder rolling away to add to the calming aura of this revered area, revered by you at least, here you felt the safest you could be outside your own home, but with her… you felt this was you last bastion of comfort. And you were already reconsidering staying with her. But those thoughts had no place here, you looked over the menu, burying your gaze in it completely and said to yourself you’d have a pumpkin cake and hot chocolate. Your heart beat swift on feeling a familiar voice rattle through your skull. “And how are ya gonna pay for that babe?”, Spinel said in an agitated tone while waving your wallet in one hand while she supported her head on the table with the other. She stared you down, her expression? Wrath. Directed all on you. You froze under her glare, speechless. “5 in the morning. Who rushes out of the house at five in the morning? Were you late for work? Or… did you just wanna get away from me? Didn’t even give me a kiss to say goodbye, didn’t check if I was awake, didn’t even offer breakfast. What kind of a lover are you huh? Hmph… doesn’t matter now. You’re gonna make it up to me, ok?”, she slammed the wallet on the table, “I’ll have what you’re having, and after this you’re takin me to see a movie, got it? Maybe more time in a dark room with me’ll teach ya to appreciate me more, little reminder honey, I came to you, and you said yes, so start acting like you want me.” The dim cafe grew silent with your focus narrowing on her, and all you heard was your heart beating steady as the booming tick of the clock sounded off every second to the unerring passage of time. And she stared. She stared and waited for an answer. the lightless void casted by failing shine seemed to grow ever deeper, surrounding you both and trapping you with her in an infinite darkness, such was her chokingly gripped presence around you, her small stature exuded energies unheard, and you swore you could see the inky tendrils of the depths emanating from her, a being incomprehensible to mortal ken. Her truest nature forever concealed as this negative glare only gave the hollow shell of what she really is, shaded by the limits of your mind. You stared into those eyes, a lover scorned she felt she were, and your silence only confirmed and fed the flowing madness slithering from her…Each ticking clang of the clock sounded closer to your demise, here and now. Speech had found you once more to snatch you from the jaws of Cerberus. You apologize. You tell her an excuse along with it, or rather, attempt to before she cuts you off.  “Oh you’re sorry now? Well how sorry are ya honey? Sorry enough to get me all the deserts I want? Sorry enough to take me out dancing? Sorry enough to… propose to me?” That last question ended with a grin as wide as her mystery, and as the darkness surrounding you both. You’re left speechless, blushing through the shock and scrambling in your mind for an answer when she takes the reigns of the conversation once more. “Ok that last one maaaay have been a bit too far, I mean… we’ve only been datin a few days now, and to be honest, while I ain’t lettin another girl even touch you, I’m not too sure I wanna spend the rest of your life on me! And I do mean that. Mean what? darlin ain’t ya listening? The rest of your life, not my life. I get the feelin I’ll still be around when you’re gone… but uuuh… I’ll enjoy every moment you’re alive. Oop! Changed my mind, Your life’s mine, the rest of you too, and ain’t nothin you can do about that ok? Nope, not gonna wait for an answer. Way I see it… we’re already a married couple, I mean… you did sign me in blood and all. But let’s drop this discussion and pick it up never, the waitress is comin ovah to take our ordahs!"And in a single moment as if on the flick of a switch, even the dim light of the cafe blinded you with the darkness disappearing behind the curtain of reality, though what reality even is you scarcely have a grasp on with the realizations of otherworldly powers that exist in front of you in the form of Spinel. You check the backlit clock on the wall, time had stayed still as the darkness enveloped you, and you laid back in your chair while trying to make sense of what just happened, what felt like hours was no time at all, but interrupted you were again by the waitress, asking what you wanted to order. Spinel only had a smile on her face while you placed the order, she held up the menu you had and pointed to a large vanilla cake topped with fudge and strawberries, did what she said in the darkness even happen? Either way, you order that cake for her, in addition to getting for her and yourself a hot chocolate and a pumpkin cake. You’re looking at the waitress as she write down the orders, and as she walks off as well, and a pulse is felt, a ringing in your ears deep as ocean, and a foul taste in your mouth as you look back at her, a closed smile on her lips, but her eyes wider than ever. "Does she look good to ya honey? Does she tickle your fancy?” You immediately reply in a nervous tone that she doesn’t. that he girl in front of you is prettier than she’ll ever be. “Good answer babe, she’s a fuckin mess compared to me, right? O’ course I’m right!” The confections both drink and dessert were served to the both of you, a second person coming to drop of the cake, it was big enough for three, but she parried your spoon away from it, claiming the whole thing hers. So the spectacle began, Her sipping the cocoa in her tall cup alongside heavy bites of this behemoth straight from a baker’s dream. It took her a mere half hour to consume the whole of it, and like a good lover you lean over with a napkin and wipe the frosting from her lips, a shy smile as your expression, your simple actions sparking a tender moment through the confusion and creeping terror in the back of your mind, and that moment was watching her cheeks flush a gorgeously vibrant shade of pink, and in that instant, everything seemed to click. She was just as nervous around you as you were around her, without the upper hand the air of danger just faded away to the dullest rhythm in the background, until her hand snapped to grip your wrist.  “Oh now I know I made the right choice… my last love ain’t never did something like this, would you believe I caught the bastard cheating on me with some tart, some junky trollop? You wouldn’t do that to me right? No… I know you wouldn’t, you’re sweet. You just want a hug, a kiss, and a kind little word whispered into your ear, yeah? You just want someone who wants you, someone that won’t make you feel like you’re just another problem to deal with. Someone like me, who won’t let you go. Who’ll never let you go. Someone like me that’ll keep loving you 'til…“, She inched in closer, "You’re…”, and her lips brushed by your ear… “Dead."  Stunned by that she shoved you back down into your seat. "What’s wrong babe? Don’t like that? Oh… you do? Well aren’t you starved for affectio- oh… So that’s why you were with the girl with the bad attitude… You know I… I watched you when you checked into the hotel, a whole week of seeing her yell at you… sayin stuff like no one would love you like her, that you were lucky she even looked at you.” She sniffled, sounding on the cusp of a rising weeping sorrow, “But it’s ok now honey. It’ll be ok, cause you have me!”, she sighed, a sort of content flow to her breath, while she relaxed in her chair, “And I have you. Were you scared of me before? I’m not sorry for that. That’s just how I am, but I won’t hurt you. Not enough to kill ya anyways. Not enough to make you hate me. I don’t think my heart could take another crack. Darling… If you left me now. I think I’d just break. We kinda just met and already I don’t think I can live without you. You can feel it too right? Our souls tyin themselves to each other? Actually ah… they’re already pretty tied up. Signed me in blood remember?” You certainly do remember, that night your finger bled and the claws creeped upon you, you remember that much and nothing more, how you felt then feels so far away now, her love is different, it’s a confusing amalgam of tenderness and terror, when once you only felt a terror from the last one you were with, but even the fear strikes you oddly, like a sickening wine who’s taste leaves you only wanting another drink of it, a long and slow swig of the emotions she has you pour from your very core, reveling in the swirling dizzy tones of this deep song she played for you with every motion she made toward, away, and around you, with every word spoken, she enthralls you. The same feeling you had when you wanted to call her, a soul bewitched by a strange woman… and whatever trance she had you in just now from her confession, lifted when you snapped back to lucidity at home.  Herself snuggled up on your lap, a horror movie playing while she smiled, your hand in hers, clutching each other warmly… a moment that your realization of the sudden shift in scenery did not ruin… she was in love, and so were you, and while love itself seems blind, love itself would blind you, and you would let it cloud your vision as long as you loved her, and as long as she loved you. This one tender moment, It’ll remain one of your greatest treasures, and as the movie ended, she sat up and stood, offering her hand to you, eyes sleepy and showing a soft joy plain as day, she led you upstairs, she led you to bed, shoes kicked off the both of you, she eased you into bed atop her, and held you close, tight, and the covers seemed to jump over you both to guard from the chill mysteriously entering the room, you closed your eyes while the pair of you turned onto your sides, and a kiss marked the occasion, brief it were on the lips, but the love? Eternal. And so it were that you slept in her arms and her in yours. Ready to give her the rest of your life. Ready to give her your very soul. and in all honesty, she already owns it.

[coshayphinelove]

i’ve been thinking a lot about the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ line almost non-stop since last night.  i think it perfectly summarizes all of the things that i find to be questionable about cophine.

this got very long, but i just can’t stop thinking about it.

first, dadt was a life-ruining policy.  it singled out and treated lgbt+ people as second class citizens.  it created precedent for the rest of the country to discriminate against lgbt+ people in their hiring practices.  if there was even slight evidence of someone being lgbt+ they were discharged without their severance package, benefits, money for college, and health care.  and then they had to explain why they were discharged to future employers.  

they took this huge, complicated, systematic form of discrimination and turned it into a joke.  not only did they make a joke about it, but they put that joke in the mouth of a character who would’ve been a victim of said policy.  and maybe i’m just more sensitive about it because it has been in the news recently, but that just feels bad.

(and i did some googling.  it wasn’t just a phrase that got tainted by the policy, the phrase was coined by a military sociologist for the policy.  source.  source.)

it could also be because they had a character who was lgbt+ who was a veteran.  if my timeline is right and the prop department can be trusted, shay would have enlisted while dadt was still in effect.  most if not all of her time in the military would have been under dadt.  shay would have been deeply affected by this policy.  she probably would not have taken kindly to it being used as a joke.

like they created this character.  she was there whether or not fans and creators alike want to ignore her.  either they didn’t realize that that was part of her life, or they know and don’t care, or they just forgot.  which, i mean.  come on i’m just a person with stills and google, the people who made her up should know this.  

but we don’t care about shay anymore, right?  shay salt aside...

this life-ruining policy is... well... life-ruining.  it is certainly not a good motto for a relationship.  it is not heathy.  full stop.  like it takes the stress of the constant fighting away, but... if there’s constant fighting there’s probably a bigger issue to be addressed.  instead of just... not talking about it.  because under this arrangement cosima is the bad guy for asking questions.  for wanting to know what her girlfriend is doing and if it will come back and affect her.  it would be her fault if they fought because she just had to bring it up.  that’s really yucky?  

it’s also really out of character for cosima.  cosima, who is curious by nature, as the the creators designed her.  who spent a majority of this season at risk to find out who, what, where, when, and why.  who is all about finding information that affects her and her sisters (bc who the fuck is tony sawicki?  does he exist anymore?  does anyone care?).  it is incredibly ooc for her to just... not ask.  

and this not asking so delphine doesn’t have to tell seems like an agreement that they reached.  when did they talk about this?  did they?  is this the first delphine’s heard of it?  how do two brilliant, compassionate, loving women come to the conclusion that if they don’t talk about it, it won’t be a problem?

are they seriously doing the ‘see no evil’ monkey emoji with their relationship?

bc cosima didn’t seem happy about the arrangement.  and that loops back to not being healthy.  it’s an agreement, yes.  but compromises and agreements are supposed to make both parties happy.  did cosima only agree to it because the ultimatum in ep 5 made her think that her only other option was to break up with delphine?  and her abandonment issues reared up and made her agree because not knowing is better than being alone?  because that’s not really agreeing to it.  agreeing to something kind of requires there to be an option where you’re not screwed over if you say no.

i could’ve forgiven it if they had shown them talking.  maybe delphine promises to tell her everything after the info isn’t so sensitive and life-threatening.  or delphine explains that she is keeping these secrets because mrs. s told her to and cosima understands that delphine doesn’t want to do it.  i could see that, that’s kind of how a lot of things work on the show.

but they didn’t show it.  it just kind of... happened.  and we just have to accept that cosima has accepted that.  cosima deserves better.  and i am saying this from a delphine-loving standpoint.  she deserves a better relationship dynamic and she deserves to ask questions about things that affect her life.  and delphine has a responsibility to tell her what she can, not just run around making important decisions without her.  relationships are supposed to be two-way streets, a balance of give and take.  

i think the only cophine moment that was something like i’d always pictured was the moment where they uploaded the files.  delphine followed cosima’s lead, she acknowledged that it was her decision and that she was only there to help.  that is something that i am grateful for.  because it demonstrated that delphine knows this and that she can take a step back and let cosima lead if she’s not being pulled in other directions by other forces.

i do appreciate the fluff, but they kind of just breezed over the important bits to get to it.  and i would have appreciated the emotional work of coming to an agreement and one less fluff scene much more.  but they just didn’t want to do that work, i guess.  they just wanted to be flippant and just make them get over it so they could get to smoochin’.  and that’s been their story all season.

cophine is a shadow of what it used to be and the sins of the writing just continue to pile up turning it into a very unhealthy relationship.  like i love the characters and the relationship, but i have to do mental acrobatics while i’m watching just to see it as not toxic.  and god i just really hope they allude to some kind of emotional reconciliation before the finale because otherwise... idk i can’t really boycott.  but i’ll think of something.