#but maybe one day ill get gud at it

[goozeghost]

The power of the gays is to make stuff work or something. I dunno.

[mokacheer]

hahaha thanks for the mass tag game @ruanbaijie this shall be fun!

aka: nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? - no idea, my theories are that i was obsessed with rosario + vampire so i took moka, and since moka is cheery/happy i just bam. i honestly don't know 💀

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. - i used to have a ton because younger me dabbled in the RP world (lets not remember those times but remember the cool people i befriended) but right now no just this blog and the other blog i help run <3 @otomokatsuhiro (if you love old anime youll immediately follow ;) )

3. how long have you been on tumblr? - since may 2012 😵 (save me)

4. do you have a queue tag? - nah

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? - an old friend of mine told me about it and actually made this blog for me. now thinking about it idk if it was her that came up with the name, if i had a different name to begin with... no clue :s

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? - its yuki!!! must i explain why?! (plus it matches my vibe here alot of mutuals say im super sweet or a ray of sunshine ((ily it makes me happy everytime i get that hehe)))

7. why did you choose your header? - it just matches the overall pink cute vibe :p

8. what’s your post with the most notes? - still to this day its a 29 frame gif of a phone ending call... here

9. how many mutuals do you have? - i counted at the beginning of the year and i believe i had 108? but now obviously its 108+ :D

10. how many followers do you have? - 17.2k+ x-x

11. how many people do you follow? - 544! i remember at one point i wanted to keep the number limited but thats so stupid!!

12. have you ever made a shitpost? - uhhhh probably when i was younger. i used to constantly post #personal text posts so idunno

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? - help me

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? - yeah a small amount of times, most would be reposters telling me "no this is my gif i made this! i wont remove this from my blog!" with my watermark clear as day in the corner lol..

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts - meh it's your blog at the end of the day, if you want to reblog something do it, if you dont dont. it's sad to see most people just like posts but they come from different platforms and fail to realize what kind of site tumblr is. hopefully eventually they will get it tho! amen

16. do you like tag games? - yes! i love that i get tagged in them but also forget alot of the time to ever get to doing them so i apologize for being late on this one hehe

17. do you like ask games? - plsssss i love seeing that notification light up in my inbox. it fills this bloggers heart with joy.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? - oh i got a few @gojosattoru (where have you been ;w; </3), @hanae-ichihara (ill always miss you <3), DEFINITELY @taohs hehehe

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? - nope, having a crush on here has never happened for me :p

20. what is the last song you listened to? - charli xcx speed drive EASYFUN remix, its sooo gud

21. what are you currently watching? - the magical girl and evil lieun. are archenemies, fairy tail 100 years quest, maybe some other misc. stuff i cant think of rn.

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? - all of the above, i love sweet + spicy

23. what is your current relationship status? - single times *salute emoji*

24. what is your current obsession? - SMILING FRIENDDDSSSS asjdiaoshjdajsid

25. what are nine albums/songs you've been listening to lately? - aprils-bloom by julie areyouhome? by juno britpop by A.G. Cook right back by Frost children i like it by Frost children spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth by Caroline Polachek magic sword by 4s4ki tome by veltpunch 365 by charli xcx

tagging: @taohs @cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga @oneechangoddess @yuujies @scary-friend @fuwanek0 and others that wanna have fun

[wellnesscard]

omg my teenager coworker was talking about how theyre gonna make a five night at freddys movie im like ya it already came out i saw it - with nic cage? not in my top 10 its no time bandits but whateva. guess nododis seen that one tho. also why do so many ppl with like d.i.d. Obsessed with that franchise ? or maybe thats just tumblr. even b4 tumblr tho there was this girlie at my highschool who was like mental like insane not in reality at all n it was all she fuckin talked about? what specifically is the pull like creating this demographic . but it weirds me out so i dont actually want 2 engage in real five nights at freds only thru the sweet filter of nic cage am i safe ig. cos that was a knockoff? who made that movie it was so weird and not even in an awesome way like many other b movies. idk the whole concept like. and yk fs theres towns like that in america. but theyre just racist. this post is getting away from me . idk the insaneos just dont talk abt jeff the killer anymore maybe im just old . do any pardonmyfrench normal ppl like five nitez at fred. i mean ig my coworkers pretty normal from what i know. ig im probably just in such different spheres from the enjoyers of that n the only ones being crazy abt it is the crazies so. i feel like this isnt very pc im sorry like my brain dont work good too like its no problem to be mentally ill and have interests im just . it throws me thry a loop. that n like taylor swift continuously getting bigger status thru out what feels like my lifespan. like i remember singing 'our song' in first grade w classmates n its like yeah its gud ig im 5 i dont have a critiquing of music mind yet too much. its catchy. never thought shed still be around let alone with a cult following in the year 2023. was it covid? like i havent heard about nikki minaj in ages but taylor swift is being exponential as hell in like . all this. why is she in so many commercials. ok my neighbors just got home one minute and thirty seconds ago and theyre already using power tools fuck yea girls build a house for her!! or that could be a blender tbh i thought i heard hammering though. hammering and sawing. shit did i just stereotype lesbians. i shouldnt be allowed to have tumblr app when im home alone cos then i just type type type whatever i want and we end up with this. oh sidenote too, i have a thickass nodule on my thyroid im having checked today so like ig ilyk laterz if its really fucked. like i hope i dont get all goited up thatd suck. its so funny bc in my eating disorder in highschool i was like oh what a dream itd be to have hyperthyroidism, sighs wistfully. omg what if gods punishing me and i get hypothyroidism and get f*t. but its probably just a lump and its not the consistency of cancer so we good basically. just waiting for the doc to say that too haha! and im like 3 days off all alcohol even the light beers bc i am getting sick of never having energy and like i wanna make sure my life is good and its hard to take care of everything because ngl im a heavy drinker n once i have any alcohol im just like impatiently waiting for my next drink, so. and its expensive when you drink a 12 pack a day plus other alkie snacks such as shooters pints or beers at the bar. and i need to save for a cruiseeee devon n i have been married for almost three years n still havent went on vacation yet goddamn! we deserve it , and i was the sexiest in my life when i was sober for a year too so jot that down.

[magicrainbowkitties]

So (not-so) quick thing... Scarecrow.

Obviously, Crane developed his fear toxin as a way to study fear and its effects on the psyche. He can do this because he's both a master biochemist and an accomplished psychiatrist. In most canons, he's obsessed with using fear to control people, and takes sadistic pleasure in watching people loose their minds while high on his drug.

HOWEVER.

I find this motivation boring as sin. Wow, you use fear to make people do what you want? And you don't even get cool superpowers and a shiny ring (except when he did but that's for another day), you're just some mad scientist with a hard-on for watching people be miserable? Damn, bro, where I seen that before...

*side-eyeing 80% of DC villains, who are mad scientists with a hard-on for watching people be miserable*

Not to say that I find Crane uninteresting, far from it! As with all the Gotham Rogues, he's absolutely committed to The Aesthetic. His motto is clearly "Every day is Halloween," and I completely agree. He's got a relatable backstory (for me at least, whaddup fellow burnout gifted kids with religious trauma?), and uses his villainy as an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with his trauma (which is the one part of his motivation that is actually interesting to me). Also, I love that while he's extremely academically talented, he relies on his social intelligence far more to carry out his agenda, even though he's very much on the "I hate people please go away" side of things. It's terribly interesting to me when these aspects of his personality work into each other and create a relatable yet threatening villain.

But far too often, he's just written as a one-note sadist whose only job is to go "HAHA DANCE FOR ME PLEBES FOR I AM THE MASTER OF FEAR" while Batman swoops in, beats him up, and saves the day.

Or, even worse, he's given the Modern Riddler treatment of "Lol look at this nerd. He wants to fight the Bat but can't even throw a punch! He's gotta hide behind his gas to win, but Batman's a badass so he can just magically get over it and knock him on his ass cause in reality, he's the one who's scared."

That stuff's just bullshit, y'know? Sure, I'm all for villains pathetically cowering for their lives and all, that's some gud shit, but there comes a point where it's EVERY SINGLE STORY Crane's written in. He has so much potential to be fun, relatable, philosophical and interesting, but in order to do that, writers would have to actually think more about WHY he does what he does, outside of research and sadism. Oh, and they'd have to take their focus off the Clown Prince of Cash and admit that he stole a bunch of Crane's shtick.

Hell, you could even give him a "paved with good intentions" type motivation. Like, maybe he developed fear toxin as a kind of exposure therapy to help people overcome their trauma by experiencing it passively, but because Gotham Sux (TM), he couldn't get the funding and/or the approval from official channels for it because "hallucinogens bad" (reflecting real-world psychiactrics discourse today, as hallucinogens have been proven to help those with anxiety, PTSD, depression, and other related illnesses, but because War On Drugs, most people think all of 'em are dangerous and deadly). So, he turned to crime, using the toxin itself to get what he needs to continue his work. But that's a slippery slope, and before he knows it he's cast as a villain and thrown into Arkham with all the people he was trying to help, forever branded a scary freak the world would be better off without.

All because he tried to help.

Sure, it's cliche as sin, and I'm sure I could find hundreds of fan works describing this exact scenario, but for real... Isn't that way more interesting than "lol he's just a sadist with a god complex?" I like to think so, at least.

Idk man I just really hate it when a side character's potential is absolutely smothered in favor of the main character's, especially in the case of Batman. Like, the most interesting thing about Batman is the villains he fights, and half the time the interesting parts of those villains are funneled into Big Clown. The other half, they're sacrificed altogether because gods forbid Batman be vulnerable or admit that his villains might actually... *gasp*... have a point.

To see the amazing potential of a character like Jonathan Crane be absolutely tossed aside makes my blood boil.

Truly, we live in the darkest timeline.

[orenstern]

I think folks have a decent understanding about it being the process not end result, and take exception to the immutability of rules, regs, ordinances and laws that arise out of mutable understandings.

Moreover, the frustration, non-compliance, or rejection originates well before the pandemic—-but everywhere science is concerned, and in this case medical science.

Look at Psychiatry, for example. Under the DSM II, homosexuality was considered an illness. People were being dosed and shock treated for that. Held against their will. People were getting fucking lobotomized for all sorts of shit in the DSM I & II and every 15 years they roll out a new edition, which basically says “Oops” to the previous editions.

Even today, you’ll see mental health screening questions that look like this: (in the past 2 weeks or 30 days) “Do you find yourself turning to religion or prayer when you feel distressed?” And positive answers to this, or positive signals or signs of this are actually grounds to section a person, basically abduct them and hold them against their will, without due process, for up to 6 months without a day in court, and all that while they will be held on an involuntary basis and drugged against their will, orally, rectally, or intravenously while held down by a room full of orderlies.

Religiosity is not the only reason for this to happen—-but you might just see the other-side on this—-how some folks just don’t trust it, at all, never will, nope, ain’t, no way—-that is, the non-negotiable sureness of the prescription, and the fall out if its effects, that derive from an almost never ending unsureness of diagnosis (i.e. scientific understanding)

To the point where you find yourself saying sometimes—-shit motherfucker, maybe at least some of these scientific fields are bogus, or dare I even say that science itself is at least part myth, if not wholly.

I mean of all the universal laws that have been discovered, none of them apply universally, there’s a microcosm and a macrocosm, there’s a humongous junk drawer of anomalies, and then there’s all the fucking shit we still don’t know but admit is out there and admit still has the potential to cataclyme more paradigm shifts in knowledge and consciousness.

Despite the tenor of my writing, I don’t think it takes anything away from you boys who love that letter G.

But, if you haven’t yet smelled the Roses that Are Not There—-keep practicing, till you make friends with that sublime veil between order and chaos, till it knows your name.

Then it doesn’t really matter which side of the debate you pretend to be on. Because Transcendence is Transcendence, and in such eternal moments those other ridiculous distinctions are annihilated. And annihilating once, essentially means once and for all (unless you get gud at pretending otherwise)

So then—-if we are all to insist upon living Human lives only, and even agreeing to cut out the part of us having originated as spiritual beings, if that is to be the way, and the by hook or by crook or by sword conversion Social Contract—-

Then Yes, swallow down that shit sandwich called Science in one bite, do not nibble, nor take more than a cursory glance at it’s raison d’être. And join in the bonfire of shaming those who refuse to participate in this game, or who insist on playing those older, more boring, Before Last Thursday games. Because those guys are losers, and there is no Throne to be seated at either the right or left hand of. Those guys are just dumb who think that.

[robinsnest2111]

indirectly tagged by @lampmeeting

it's not part of the original thing but I'm gonna add a silly little self portrait as well~

Questions to get to know you a little better:

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise? Robin or any kind of nickname related to that you can come up with lol Some of my favourites are Rob and Robble

2. When is your birthday? November 21st

3. Where do you live? A little town in Niedersachsen (Lower Saxony), Germany. Known for being the summer residence of a royal bloodline some 200 years ago. Yes there's a castle :P

4. Three things I am doing right now? Trying to forget the nightmare I just woke up from, thinking about getting a few more clementines from the kitchen and fininishing a little sketch I started yesterday

5. Four fandoms that have piqued my interest: Metalocalypse (ofc), Hogan's Heroes, Ghost BC, What We Do In The Shadows. Those are the main 4 at the moment but there's always a chance for other fandoms to take over for a bit.

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? ....yeah. Not so great. My grandma died suddenly at the start of the pandemic, I had to leave my internship I was super happy at early because of lockdown, finished my last semester at college with horrible online classes, had to move back in with my parents, cut contact with someone I've known almost all my life, barely passed my finals, still on the hunt for a job (started applying to places in September) and am close to losing it any day now lol Also pandemic means no flea markets which was one of the few things keeping my brain happy and occupied while giving me a chance to ride my bike around the region for hours :^(((((

7. Song(s) I can’t stop listening to: Sadly no particular song coming to mind right now, but I've had Ghost's entire discography and Dethalbum I, II, and III on rotation for months now lol. This Toss A Coin To Your Witcher Remix has also been stuck in my head for a while and is always worth a listen (Also have some silly techno/hardstyle remixes stuck in my brain permanently because I listened to them as background noise while trying to make my final college projects somewhat decent. Terence Hill & Bud Spencer - Lalalalalala, Da Tweekaz - Jägermeister, Star Wars Hardstyle, DJ Ötzi - Anton aus Tirol, Das Leben des Brian - Schwanzus Longus)

8. Recommend a movie: The Road to El Dorado by Dreamworks, a children's movie, I know... Each song is an absolute banger tho (even the German versions!), the jokes are silly but fun, the queer/gay hints add that little spice that I subconsciously picked up on and felt comforted by as a kid and the design of the everything is just (chef's kiss) Also the chemistry between the 4 main characters is gud as heck. It's the childhood movie I latched on to the most, my mother had to rent the dvd almost every single day until I bought a copy myself lol

9. How old are you? 24 orz I don't feel like it at all...

10. School, university, occupation? Finished college in August, unemployed because no one wants to hire in the creative field during a worldwide plague :^)

11. Do you prefer heat or cold? As long as it's under 35°C I prefer heat. My hands and feet are icicles 95% of the time after losing weight :^(

12. Name one fact others may not know about you? Since I'm an expert oversharer you probably know almost everything about me already orz But uhhh. Lemme see... I learned how to operate a laundry machine at the ripe old age of 20 at my internship at a hair salon lmao My mother never had the nerve to show me how on the modern machine we have at home (along the lines of "you will fuck it up anyways so let me do it >:^(((" which is an overarching theme in her raising me lol), but the older machine with the simpler dials at the salon was a good start to learn and honestly one of the things at this internship I'm still super grateful for...

13. Are you shy? Oh hell yeah I am... It's all the years of getting only negative feedback for trying to interact with others lol

14. Preferred pronouns: He/Him mostly, still figuring out if I still like they/them or nah (since in German there are no neutral pronouns that aren't neopronouns I've automatically gotten more attached to he/him lol)

15. Biggest pet peeves: I feel so mean for admitting it but honestly: Any noises my parents make. If I'm having a particularly bad low brain energy day even hearing them breathe makes me wanna run away and scream in anger... (Doesn't irk me with anyone else tho, which is weird...)

16. What is your favorite "dere" type? Oh there's more than 4 types now?? I've always liked Kuudere types the most out of the original 4 types, but I guess Shundere and Utsudere are right up my alley too!!!

The Kuudere (クーデレ), sometimes written Coodere or Kūdere, type refers to a character who is often cold, blunt, and cynical. They may seem very emotionless on the outside, but on the inside they’re very caring — at least when it comes to the ones they love.

The Shundere (しゅんデレ) type refers to characters who are sad and very depressed. While a full smile on their face might be out of the question, their love interest can help them open up and feel accepted.

The Utsudere (うつデレ) type refers to a character who is often sad and depressed. There is a reason for the character’s despair such as being bullied at school. Even if their life improves, they are often wary of other characters’ motives.

17. Rate your life 1-10? Maybe a 4? 4.5 at max

18. What is your main blog? The one I'm posting this on lol

19. List all your side blogs and what they’re for:

yorkiesart - old as hell and inactive artblog

bleedingheartbird - very triggering and depressing vent blog :^(

yorkie2111 - my very first username, a sea and ocean themed aesthetic blog now mostly for when I miss Denmark a whole lot (kinda inactive)

robinsartnest - a second attempt at a separate art blog, inactive as well lol

20. Is there anything people should know before becoming friends with you? I'm a clusterfuck of several undiagnosed mental illnesses and probably other conditions that I'm trying to figure out and deal with on my own until I can get professional help and some diagnoses. At times I'm weird and distant and overall very depressed and unpleasant, I've already hurt so many people this way and am trying to be better every single day. Basically I've never been given the "How to properly Human" manual and am frantically trying to get it right without hurting too many innocent people in the process.

Anyway, if you are nice to me I will love you forever ♡♡♡ :'3c

idk who to tag so if you wanna do this, do it~

[clowndaydreams]

Yan!Marvus x Reader

I hope you all like it!

“Can you pass me the potato chips?” You looked over to your companion. Marvus nodded and reached over to get said bag from his side of the couch.

“here ya go.” You grunted a quick thank you to the clown and started to dig in. You had been hanging out with Marvus all day. You still couldn’t believe how friendly you’ve gotten with the superstar since you met him at that concert you went to. It had been a few perigrees since then, but the clown had since made a habit of inviting you over randomly when he was free. You were just happy that he remembered you at all.

Currently though, you were both relaxing on the couch and watching some Slam or Get Culled episodes that he was in. Right now, a season finale was playing. He was the final challenge for that season’s top 2. They had to rap battle him and whoever fared better was the winner.  You glanced over at him. He was in his usual facepaint, but was casually wearing a neon yellow ripped tank top and matching pajama pants with some designer troll logo and ‘JUICY’ all over them. How he managed to look so hot in that would forever elude you. You snapped out of it when he started speaking again.

“u kno, i thought ricard was the better 1 outta those 2.” You pretended to glare at him.

“SPOILERS!” You jokingly huffed, lightly shoving his arm. It didn’t move, as you’d expect.

“LOL! XoD sorry fam, seen dis crap 1000 times alreddy.” Wait, then why did he let you pick this episode? Or even agree to watch this with you? If this was boring you could do something else. And as if he could read your mind, he held up a hand.

“dun worry bout dis. is chill or w/e. butt srsly, u kno who gunna win.”

“Still! I wanna watch it!” You giggled. You both watched on in silence as Marvus was brought on to surprise the contestants.

“How were they behind the scenes?” You asked as you watched the confessionals for both of the contestants.

“ricards moirail b a clown, so me n him knew each other alreddy. he wuz p chill i guess lol.”

“What about Krayaa?”

“turns out she wuz a fangirl. foamin at the mouth n erythng.”

“Really?!” You turned to him to try and see if he was lying. He looked almost bored about it all. Like you were both talking about the weather or something. You wished you could be so relaxed about meeting a rabid fangirl and somehow living to tell the tale. Seadwellers were supposed to be stronger and more durable than landdwellers. At least, that was according Polypa anyway. Huh, you had to remember to check on her later after you got home too.

“ye. she wanted 2 pail after the shoot.” Your jaw dropped. Krayaa was a seadweller! Did he have to listen to her? She could have killed him for not listening!

“Nahhh, no worries,, the contract she signed for the ep woulda had her disqualified and mah bodyguards woulda whooped her b4 she had a chance. ;op” He chuckled. “If she managed 2 get thru them, I aint no wimp.” He added, flexing his arms a little to prove his point. You almost couldn’t stop staring. He had to know what he was doing to you…right? Granted, this was a crush you had no intention of pursuing. If you were speaking honestly, Marvus was a guy who probably didn’t want commitment due to his lifestyle. Even then, he had people throwing themselves at him constantly. People his own species. People who were a lot better fitting with his general aesthetic and not some poor wandering alien that he would DM when he was high when they both should have been sleeping. Your own concepts of relationships and types of love were different. But you could dream, right? You were content with just having him as your designated hot friend anyway. …That did mean you were allowed to drool over him in your mind. As long as it doesn’t get creepy to him. Yeah. You were fine.

“u gud (Y/N)? u tryna lure snacks into ur mouth or smth?” You snapped out of your stupor.

“Ew! Gross! I don’t eat bugs like you weirdos!”

“it aint gross. literally free snacks u can catch. :o)” He laughed.

“Where I’m from they’re gross!” Granted, there were places that did eat crickets and the like on Earth, but you would never tell him that.

“dun knock it till ya try it.” He got up and left the room, returning after a moment with a small box.

“…What is that.” You had a sinking feeling you knew what it was.

“chirp grubs.” He opened it and there they were. Disgusting caramelized crickets.

“I can’t.” You shook your head.

“more 4 me lol.” You looked away as he ate a few of the crickets. You looked back at him when his palmhusk rang. It sounded like a clown horn version of one of his songs. Fitting, honestly.

He glanced at it and rolled his eyes before silencing the phone.

“Who was that?”

“thottie.”

“Oh…” He looked bored again. Not good. What could you talk to him about to keep him interested?

“Uh…You ever get tired of the fans trying to aggressively pail you?” Ok, that wasn’t the best choice for conversation. Your bad.

“i meannn….in the beginning yeah. now its kinda the norm 4 me ufeelme?”

“Yeah, I guess. Does it ever make you feel like you can’t have a relation-er, quadrant?” You assumed it would, but that would also come with fame in general, wouldn’t it? You weren’t sure. Then again, if he didn’t want-

“kinda. i think its kinda funny how i can attract psychos, fans and thots, but not my crushes.” You sat up straight. Marvus had a crush?

“Wait. You…uh…are pale or um….red? for somebody?” You didn’t have the best grasp on quadrant terms.

“lol sumtimes i forget your an alien.” He leaned back onto the couch.

“butt yeah, i have a few crushes at the mo.” He smiled, staring at the ceiling.  Few. He has more than one crush right now. That soft smile said it all. He had it bad.

“…Can you tell me who they are?” He looked over at you and looked sheepish.

“i…dun think is a gud idea.”

“Please? I have to know who the great Marvus Xoloto has a crush on.”

“u kno 1. itll be awk af :o(“ Now you had to know. Now you were thinking about whether or not Marvus had a type. What if they were all mega hot models? Wait! Did he have a crush on Chahut? They would totally have to know each other. Who else did you both know??? He heard of Cirava, but you didn’t think they talked. Who???

“…kk fine. only if u slam a faygo tho.” You gave him a look.

“Isn’t Faygo…not for non-clowns?”

“is just us. whos gunna kno?”

“You promise nobody’s gonna know?”

“on my life. u slam a faygo, n ill tell u who my flush be.” You thought it over. You remembered tasting the stuff at clown church when you went you went with Chahut that one time. Just a sip left you a bit tipsy. A whole bottle may have rendered you unable to be coherent enough to even process who his flush crush was. Would it be worth it? You felt a choice coming on. Either way you had to drink a certain amount in order to maybe try and learn this random troll’s identity. The question was, do you try and counter his offer or just slam the entire bottle and hope for the best?

…

It would be better to respect your own limits. A bunch of your friends had lectured you a few times over putting yourself out just to potentially make a friend. This would piss them off and would probably not end in your favor even if you did decide to just go with it anyway.

“How much faygo do I have to drink?”

“hm…” He got up, went to the kitchen and got a small can of Grape Faygo, a normal bottle for one and a whole 2 liter bottle. “imma b nice. u get a choice. u gotta try 2 finish the can. u get 1 q with the name if u finish the can. Smol bottle gets u 2 qs and the name n the 2L gets u as many qs as u liek. fair enough 2 u?”

…Now you wanted to chug the 2 liter. You haven’t even seen anyone try to down that other than the Grand High Blood once when you took Karako to clown church for the first time. But that guy was a clown and he is HUGE. You, not so much. But, you chose to respect yourself for once. You’d see how you felt after the small can and go from there. You picked it up, opened the can and took a deep breathe. Powers that be, let this not wreck you and let this answer be worth it. If he cops out with his answers, you would try to hurt him. You started chugging. You did your best to try and treat it like a shot like Cirava taught you so you wouldn’t taste the overly sweet flavor too much. After a moment of light agony and attempting to not drown in the soda, you reached the end of the can. You slammed it onto the coffee table and started panting. Ok, you weren’t feeling woozy like before. Maybe those tiny sips when you went to clown church helped your body get used to it.

“u gunna try the otha bottles?” You managed to shake your head. You weren’t gonna do that again. Your head started hurting. You looked over at him. Were his eyes always so vibrantly purple? Woah, now they’re flashing purple. What the heck? Was this Faygo high? You now understood why all the other clowns were so goofy after drinking a cup of this stuff. Crap, now your head was starting to hurt.

“Wh-Who….who is it..?” You started feeling like you were gonna pass out. You laid down on the couch. You needed to close your eyes. That was way too much for you. You felt Marvus pick you up into his arms.

“ye…after u wake up bb.” Wake up? Wait, did he just call you a pet name?! You were about to question him when he tilted his head.

“dangg,, u managed 2 stay awake with chuckles and faygo? ur stronger than i thought. Soz bout this babes.” His eyes became blindingly vibrant again and you blacked out.

[magpiemorality]

Bring It On, Bonus Scene 1

Sent by the original prompter @littlestr who basically wrote the entire scene for me. I’ve added in some extra for you!

Done in 3 chunks. Read HERE on AO3.

Warnings: injury, blood, cursing.

Main Story Bonus 1 Bonus 2 Bonus 3

-

The Date

1.

Okay so my idea is this

Patton is going on a date with his boys, at the amusement park/fair. And Remus and he goes to the haunted house.

Remus is like "Awww yisssss Patton is gonna get scared and jump into my arms and I'll be all strong and brave and make him swoon and it's gonna be perfect!"

But what Remus didn't anticipate, is that Patton's Fight or Flight response is mostly, well fight

So even before they're even in the scary part, maybe they've just entered (like where you get tickets, go through the real entrance, etc) or the second they've stepped through. Patton sees/hears something, maybe not even an actor or scare stuff, just something, or literally someone working there being like "this is the entrance"

Either way, Patton gets indeed scared, and his first response is to just scream and smack/move quickly, and Remus was sadly closest. Patton just, without meaning to, hits Remus.

Patton is ofc horrified and so apologetic and fussing over Remus but REmus is just like "....That was hot"

“It’s going to be so much fun!” Remus promises them, tugging Patton along by the hands, who tugs Dex along by his hands in a little train. 

“You just want to get handsy with Patton in the dark, you’re not as subtle as you think you are,” Dex mutters, making Remus pout at him. Patton however, just giggles at the prospect, pulling both his boyfriends closer together to link arms with them and make them all walk side by side into the queue for the haunted house. 

The queue is a little long, but they don’t mind. Remus and Dexter bicker and Patton texts Remy for a while, until it’s finally time to go in and Dex leaves them to it, planning on picking up snacks and basking in the sunshine for a bit instead. They’re given the safety briefing and while Remus gets overexcited Patton has already started chewing on his lip, jumping when Remus catches him by the waist to give him a hug and promising he’s fine with a wan smile.

Inside Patton goes into full-on koala mode, like Remus had secretly hoped, which is super great until he confesses in a small voice that his heart is racing and he’s actually very scared. Remus feels bad but he’s also a little bit sceptical because it’s just a haunted house. How bad can it be? The hall of mirrors makes Patton even more jumpy, clinging to Remus when the couple in front of them wanders ahead and vanishes, and they start hearing noises. There’s definitely some kind of jump scare waiting in the next section, and Patton starts to panic.

“What if we get hurt?! What if they misjudge it and get too close? They’re not allowed to touch us- they’re not-”

“Babe I’ll protect you, you’ll be totally fine,” Remus tries to reassure him, sliding his hand down to squeeze Patton’s firmly. Patton just balls his free hand into a fist and walks stiffly by his side.

“What if it’s real? What if- Holy shit!” It’s unusual to hear Patton swearing, but that’s not what strikes Remus first. What actually does strike him first is Patton, or rather Patton’s fist; because somehow the scare comes from behind them and when the actor shouts to surprise them Patton spins neatly on his feet and plants a solid hit on the nearest thing. 

Which unfortunately is Remus. 

Remus staggers slightly, blinking in a daze and touching his nose. Patton gasps, hands flying to cover his mouth, open in shock. They stand there frozen for a moment before the actor asks if they’re alright and quickly ushers them to the emergency exit upon seeing Remus’s bleeding face. As soon as they get outside Patton starts sobbing incoherently in between stammering apologies, but Remus is just quiet, unnaturally quiet, gently probing his nose with a faraway look in his eyes as he watches his boyfriend.

“Oh my gosh you must be so mad at me! We need to go to the hospital!” Patton exclaims.

“... That was hot.” 

Patton’s mouth moves silently, brain malfunctioning slightly. Remus grins at him, lighting up his face and looking slightly crazed with the bloody nose. 

His expression turns serious right after though, voice distorted nasally by the injury. “But we gotta work on your right hook babe, that’s gonna put your knuckles out if you do it again.”

2.

They decide to leave the haunted house after that, and meet up with Dexter, who has two cotton candies in his hand (either one for Remus and one for patton or both for patton, maybe one ifs for remus but patton gets it anyway cause he finishes his own very quickly and then just looks at remus' cotton candy wantingly and who can resist that)

Dexter sees Remus face and is like "OH MY GOD DID YOU GET INTO A FIGHT? DID SOMEONE TRY TO HURT PATTON?" But gets told, by a still swooning and grinning remus, that it was Patton at the haunted house.

".... I could have told you taking Patton to a haunted house was a bad idea..."

“What the-” Dexter’s mouth drops open, forgetting about the cotton candies he’d bought for them both when he sees the macabre sight of Remus, still with blood all over his face and Patton with tear tracks on his. “What happened?! Who hurt you?! What- was there a fight?! Is Patton o- are you okay?” He hands the sticks over to Remus who huffs and rolls his eyes, only mildly offended. Patton puts up with the fussing with a tired smile as he blushes in embarrassment. 

Remus interjects, hearts in his eyes as he gazes at their boyfriend. “Patton happened. It was awesome, Dex, you should’ve seen him! One scare and bam, he hit me right in the face! Just like that!” He sighs dreamily and Dexter looks him over, pulling a tissue out to wipe the blood away, holding Remus’s chin still when he tries to protest and keep the ‘warpaint’, as he dubs it. 

“Well of course he did. Have you met Patton?”

They go and sit in a grassy section to calm down, sprawling out in the sunshine and enjoying their cotton candy while Remus retells the story over and over again, embellishing more and more each time until Patton is a glorious warrior god fighting to defend poor hapless mortal Remus from evil and Remus is a tragic victim to love and war. Patton has yet to stop blushing, and he groans in embarrassment as Remus refuses to stop complimenting him.  

He feels a bit better when Remus lets him have his cotton candy because he ate his way too fast and besides, as Remus points out, he’s talking too much to focus on enjoying it anyway. 

(It’s a ruse, Remus decided graciously give it to Patton from the moment he saw his boyfriend longingly eyeing it up, shortly after finishing his own...)

3.

Bonus thing

They go to the tunnel of love, but there's only two seats, so Remus just lifts Patton up and places him in his lap. Maybe Dexter and Remus argue about who should get to have Patton in their lap, but in a friendly way

"Why do you get to have Patton in your lap?"

"I was quickest, you snooze you loose, also I'm strongest"

Okay I also imagine that Remus just likes carrying Patton around.

"YOU'RE TOO PRECIOUS AND IMPORTANT TO WALK! THE GROUND DOESN'T DESERVE YOUR FEET!"

Also Dexter starts to work out JUST so he can also carry patton around.

After their break they enjoy the rollercoasters for a while, glad to do something together to forget about the ill-fated start to their day. Their day-te, Patton says with a grin and a wink, and that’s how they know he’s back on form again. 

The last stop of the afternoon is the Tunnel of Love, and the ride attendant looks awkward and uncomfortable as they bicker at the front of the queue about who has to sit where. 

“Uh I’m not technically supposed to allow all three-”

“Hey watch it bozo, I’m negotiating with my boyfriend and his boyfriend over here...”

“Okay fine, can you just... get in the boat? You’re holding up the ride!” 

They tumble in at last and Remus is first, which means that as soon as Patton climbs in after him he takes the golden opportunity to pluck his boyfriend off the seat into his lap. Dexter scowls at them and Patton leans over to give him a conciliatory peck on the lips as the boat starts moving, shrugging helplessly with Remus holding him captive. 

“This is so unfair. Why do you get to have Patton on your lap?!” 

Remus grins at him shamelessly. They never did quite lose that edge of competitiveness between them. Patton not-so-secretly loves it. Remus and Dexter secretly feel the same way. “Because I’m faster and stronger than you, slowpoke. Git gud.” He sticks his tongue out and squeezes Patton tighter when the boat rocks as Dexter tries to kick him, laughing as their boyfriend squeals in his arms, breaking into loud laughter. 

Patton actually ends up sat across the two of them, thoroughly against all the safety advice, with his body cradled by Remus’s arms and his legs thrown up into Dexter’s lap where his boyfriend can draw soothing patterns on his stockings. He’s almost asleep, yawning and snuggling down as they both gaze adoringly at him, and when the ride ends he pouts and lifts his arms until Remus lifts him off. 

Dexter watches with barely concealed jealousy as Remus refuses to put Patton down again, carrying him easily on his back all the way to the bus shelter. It’s totally not the reason he ends up demanding Remus help train him in the gym the very next day, citing a desire to grow stronger. 

Well, not the only reason. 

[xolotoofficial]

How'd you get into music? Was it a wigglerhood dream or did it just kinda happen?

ok leme set da scene bb

im abt 5ish close 2 6 n i bn n clown school. my major iz laffsassin an i bn goin 2 church everyday, not jus so i can keep up w church but bcuz im lost af. i kno my imperial duty but id gottn my nose n a book n u kno thinkin b dangerous n all. i do my slams n singn at church n @ small places n da clown trist8area n shyt. slammin wasnt alwayz n my blud but i bn a choir boy b4 i rly got uh u kno familiar w who i was

uh lol neway so im slammin n one of my buds iz lyk dude u shuld go on slam or get culld an im all lyk bro wtf u mean n he’s lyk dude ur alwayz all gloomy n got dat heavy shyt n ur step dey always asign u a coach n shyt an da chances of u dyin r Slim af but if u die it’s lyk ok bcuz da messiahs got ur bak n all tings

so im like u kno wat? fuk it. ill do it 8nt lyk it’ll hurt n im p gud so mayb ill go dwn n history b4 i die. so i go 2 try outs (im lyk 6.5 @ dis point cus im bildn up corage) n chek it i ain’t slam. i sing. I sing dis cheesy bit abt desper8ly wantn 2 b loved an u kno i culd sing da shit out of it 2 dis day i memorized it so thoro an tbh dey shulda culld me rite den n dere but dey dint aftr askn abt y my voodoos r always on. i told em da truth, dat i 8nt got no control ovr em an dey gave me dis coach. dis dude wuz a hard a$$ but he helpt me so much lyk hez da only rezun i aint lost n daily migranes, feeln borin af bcuz im 2 bz studyin 2 b dis killn machine 4 da empire.

musik always bn a thang i did n iv always bn gud @ it cuz dolphinpops n school kept me well studied 4 bardism but... it wus a hobby b4. jus 4 church. SoGC was wut helpt me figur our who i am n gave me da abilit 2 b me w/o my voodoos killn me @ evry turn

ps i dropt da mothrfukr who told me 2 go on slam or get culld. lol shyts basikally da same as teln a muthrfxxkr 2 go kill himself n he knew i wernt n a gud place. fuck em.

[radfeminismes]

Growing into a full person

Feminists are always talking about the harmful effects of gendered socialization. I think talking about it is fine, but we all must do our part to undo its effects, men and women. We learnt to play a role, not to be a whole person and we can all benefit from unlearning that.

So, I’m going to give a few examples and activities that can help a woman undo some of the harmful effects of gendered socialization, but I will try to stay away from activities that are associated with men but cause ill effects on them. These are mostly things that I do/did myself or stuff I see my female family members struggling with. Women are allowed to add stuff to this list and I encourage men to make their own lists, whether on their own posts or replying to this one.

Obviously your experience might be different from mine, and some points may not be applicable, but I think every woman can take the time to learn some of this stuff. If you are not enjoying it, you can just stop it, but imo it’s valuable to try things at least once.

1) Being brave: This is the one I stuggle most with, since I was raised to be a coward. I refuse to be a coward. But of course everyone can learn to be brave

Stop saying: “Oh I guess I’m just bad at xyz” when you haven’t even tried seriously.

Don’t be so insecure or afraid to fail that you don’t even try. Try even if you are insecure.

Going somewhere with a man? Amazing, have fun. Bring your own car and drive yourself, don’t hand him your keys. You are good enough.

Learn to say “no” without burying it with tons of “I’m sorry”, “well, maybe I’m not sure...”. Just “no”

Many things are perfectly safe when taking precautions but can be physically intimidating. Try to do them anyways. I know it can be scary, but let’s be honest, getting hit by a football isn’t going to kill you.

Face your fears

2) Learning to take care of yourself: When you are growing you are taught certain things and prevented from learning other things. These things are useful and necesssary for daily life. You will have to learn how to do it yourself, don’t expect anyone (particularly men) to teach you because they’ll do it themselves and you will learn nothing.

Learn to fix your own power plugs.

Get a calculator and learn how to solve circuits. Ohm’s Law is super basic and super useful.

Want to have a barbecue? Have a fireplace? Time to get an axe and chop your own wood.

Fix that annoying creaky door

Sharpen your own knives.

Get yourself a saw and a drill and do some home projects.

That dripping faucet won’t fix itself, buy a new one and change it.

Open your car hood, identify all it’s parts and what they do.

Fix the holes in the walls. This one is absurdly easy.

Just get dirty and get stuff done. 

3) Reclaiming your body: I was taught that my body was ornamental or for male consumption. It is neither and I’m going to start treating it like that. The things I will list here are very easy to do or reversible, I know many women have a hard time with this.

This section has a sex part and a clothes part, let’s go with the sex part first:

Go to wikipedia and get to know your genitals. Women should know what parts they have beyond “a vulva is pink and has a vagina and uhhhh some pink stuff”.

If you are in the mood, masturbate and learn what feels good. Obvious don’t do it you don’t feel like it because it won’t feel good.

Ask your partners to do what feels good. You can’t force them to do something they don’t want, but probably they’ll want to try new things make you feel good, duh.

Don’t do things you’re not comfortable with just to make your partner happy.

Clothes part:

Ditch the heels. They’re bad for your health and you can’t run in them

Let your hair grow and go out a few days without shaving, if you dislike it, shave again, but I think it’s worth a try. At least you’ll notice how much people don’t care about it

Go without make up some days. Makeup is ultimately useless, so you’ll save money and time. Then again, this is completely reversible

Get yourself some nice clothes that are your size. Many women wear clothes that are too tight to be comfortable, almost no man does, it’s something that was learned and honestly, takes away your freedom of movement and comfort.

4)Having fun in new ways: This one is not that important, let’s be honest. But I struggle with it and I won’t let gender rob me ways to have fun.

Play online videogames with others, it doesn’t matter if other users think you should “git gud”.

Go to a local bar and play some darts or pool.

Go camping and set up your own tent. Camping’s so nice

Sports. It’s healthy, it’s fun, it might give you awesome abs, and it might work with the things listed in part 1. Way too many women never do sports, let’s change that.

Just indulge in your interests

[inkskinned]

i have always had this trouble. my soft heart and good listening meant i was always, always, always somebody’s therapist. i was dealing with so much of my own shit that it seemed unfair not to be there for someone else. i knew exactly what it was like to reach out and be shut down because “they don’t have time”. i knew what it was like to have someone say “just go to a therapist.”

it ruined my life. i want to make this very clear. when i was younger and before i got good at boundary settings, it ruined my life. i was so invested in the internal lives of people i still considered “friends” who were using me for endless emotional labor. it completely disregarded that i was also mentally ill and struggling. i was constantly anxious, rarely sleeping, unable to control the actions of not only the other person - but also of myself. i poured hours a day into trying to talk people down from things i couldn’t talk myself down from. wasn’t trained at all. i was triggering myself by talking about certain things, throwing myself into a deeper hole in the hopes i could maybe drag everyone else out.

a lot of these people don’t even talk to me anymore. they found a new therapist and moved on, because they weren’t my friend. they were using me for my advice and time and endless attention. putting myself into their hearts didn’t push all the bad stuff out. it just made me drown in the bad stuff.

and it’s complicated; because i’ve been on both sides of this. desperately needing to just vent, no threat of the police, no professional setting, just me and someone i trust talking. i would fall into bad patches and my family would have to scrape me up. i would spend months in a bad place. needing to be pushed. to be prodded. so how can i say “don’t use your friends as therapists?”

the truth is, there’s a huge difference between leaning on someone versus expecting them to be there for you all the time when you don’t return any of that effort or emotion. i had a “friend” who waited 5 hours until i was home from a loved one’s funeral, and when i said “i’m home”, she just launched into her own problems. i remember sitting on the kitchen floor and sobbing because she literally didn’t even ask if i was okay. she didn’t ask if i was ready. she didn’t even ask anything, she just assumed that i was always there for her, always, and that she didn’t need to be there for me.

and the truth is: i don’t need much. i actually get uncomfortable when my friends thank me a lot. but the difference between a friend and someone you’re treating like a therapist is that friends let friends have their own moments. and i know that we have all had overlapping emergencies. that you know he’s having a really rough time because of his classes but you were just triggered by something you weren’t expecting. but friends are the people who start with “i know it’s a bad time, i just need to vent, are you okay?” not the people who don’t even acknowledge the bad time. not the people who don’t give me the option to say “no, i’m not okay, if it’s an emergency we can talk but i’m in a really bad place and i can’t stand anything else.” i can’t save you while i am also struggling to save myself. friends are the people who maybe, yes, vent - but then give you the option to also share, to have your voice heard. you know that you’ll get a chance. maybe not that day, but soon, if you wanted it.

there is a huge difference between someone asking about my life, genuinely listening and responding, and then talking about their problems, versus someone who basically says “are you gud?? okay here’s my life trauma for you to deal with.” everyone here has been in a conversation where the other person was literally just waiting for you to shut up so they could hear their own voice. that’s what it’s like as a therapist friend, all the time. your life becomes this inconsequential thing to them. peripheral to the help you can give.

and if you’re the therapist friend, it’s hard. do you have any idea how much responsibility i feel, all the time?! the sad thing is yes, i overextended myself and became majorly suicidal because of some of my friend/patients - but i know that if it helped them, just a little, it was worth it. but my personal safety a- mental and physical - shouldn’t be offered at all in the trade.

real therapists, paid-for-it therapists.... they’re not on every hour of the day. they go home and have a home life where their patient isn’t texting them every 18 seconds about a new emergency. that’s because the human spirit can’t survive that. we can’t survive that. and as the therapist friend, it’s hard. we are givers, you know. feel better when helping. 

but learn to set boundaries. i’m so used to the whole therapy thing that i can literally tell when someone is switching from my friend to my patient. i pull out all of my personal information. i put up a bunch of walls. i make their notification different. when i see it’s a message from them, i do a self-check: am i ready for what might be inside? do i have the energy for it? can it wait until i am in a better place? will it ruin my day? 

and learn to say no. be honest. if this isn’t a true emergency, learn to say. actually, no, i don’t want to deal with this. it doesn’t have to be for “a good reason”. it can just be .... that you’re not their therapist. you’re their friend. you saying “no” isn’t being selfish.

i know texting has made it easy to forget this. but .... the next time you’re about to vent to a friend, just ask: “i need to talk about something heavy, are you in a good place?” and when you can, give back. remember to talk about their favorite book, or ask about that party they went to. because it’s okay to lean on people. but just give back a little of the energy you took.

[namstokyo]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by the ever-radiant @sunshinesmilehobi (I totally didn’t forget to do this heh heh)

1. What takes too much of your time?

Sleep. I either need longer days or my flesh vessel should have fewer needs.

2. What makes your day better?

Music, mostly!

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

I found out the pitbull who had been at our animal shelter for a long time got adopted!!

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

Anyone ever watch Tron: Legacy? The Grid absolutely blew my mind when that movie came out... the way they integrated light so seamlessly into the environment was stunning. My inner 10 year old is still dying to see something like it in person.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

I think so? I’m honestly pretty good at reading people and the whole problem-solving / psychology dynamic comes naturally to me. Now if I can just figure out how to apply it personally lol.

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Overcoming depression babeyyy *finger guns into my therapist’s office*

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Luckily, no!

8. What musician inspired you the most?

Outside of BTS, who gave me a huge push towards learning to love myself, my top 3 artists are Hayley Kiyoko, NF, and Billie Eilish. 

Hayley’s music actually helped me realize and become comfortable with being queer. Nathan’s songs were there for me during the worst part of my depression. He made me feel understood and less alone. And Billie’s unique lyrical style continues to inspire me whenever I’m in the mood for writing. I’ll never get to say it to their faces but I’m so grateful for you guys.

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I had a huge dorky crush on this one guy in elementary school that took the longest time to get over,,, idk man,,, I’ve never really gotten butterflies like it since,,,

10. What’s your dream date?

Café date!! Museum date!! Or hiking together!! It depends on my mood.

11. What do others notice about you?

My quirky taste in earrings. Favorite pair so far are big, rainbow, star-shapes made of string. You can’t miss ‘em hsdfghjkl-

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

I suck at asking people for help, no matter how bad I need it.

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Haha nope, he moved to Alaska ages ago :”)

14. How many ex’s do you have?

015. How many songs are in your playlist?

Like 700? At least.

16. What instruments can you play?

I can shred a sick air guitar if I do say so myself.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

My sister and niece <3

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Barcelona!! Specifically, the places with Gaudi’s architecture.

19. What is your zodiac?

Scorpio, bish.

20. Do you relate to it?

Oh yeah. I’m very determined, observant, and drawn to mystery. Not a serial killer though... promise.

21. What is happiness to you?

Cuddles and warm laundry~

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Oof.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

Giving a second chance to someone who didn’t deserve it.

24. What’s your favourite store?

I’m a slut for Bath & Body Works. Smel gud.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Pro-choice. Your body is none of anyone’s business but yours.

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

No... I have a vague idea of things I’d like to do.

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Citrine by Hayley Kiyoko

28. What do you want for your birthday?

Probably books or journals. I do not have a problem.

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

I had to ask a friend tbh and their opinion made a lot of sense: I seem closed-off because I need time to warm up to people but, when I stick around, I’m ride-or-die.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

Mmm usually my age (18) or maybe 1-2 years older.

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

It rests on the corner of the mattress next to my pillow since I usually keep it on vibrate.

32. what word do you say the most?

So?

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

Right now, I’ll stick close to my age so it’s not weird. Biggest gap I’d go for in the future is 5 years.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

Ick, a year.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

Anything in science or criminal justice (accurate though).

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

Electro pop, alternative, and punk not gonna lie.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

Anywhere I could speak / learn the language really.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Paper Love by Allie X

39. How long have you had this blog for?

October 2018.

40. What are you excited for?

Comeback, for sure. I also look forward to days I work at the animal shelter. Miss my floofs...

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

Listener. Tell me your secrets. No, you cannot know my favorite color, it’s classified.

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Finished a psych presentation.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

Fucking self-actualization. And candles, I love candles.

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

I’m... a perfectionist...

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

It’s a non-zero number, I know that much.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

Being the successful, vodka piña colada aunt who gives morally ambiguous, but overall sound, advice.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

Haven’t ayyye.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

Whenever my soulmate wants to propose I guess, clock’s tickin buster.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

A dentist of all things wtf.

50. What do you crave right now?

Mint chip ice cream (Namjoon is sending a hitman as I type this).

Tagging: @trashybtsqueen @narwhalthesharon and @joons-uwu would love to get to know you guys! 

[jetstream-sampai]

heyhey!

The last uhhh chunk of time? Iunno what to call it, but yeah, I've been a little busy. Little more than busy, lotta busy? But good, all good. Remember how I was talking about tekken a whole bunch? Tekken and Japanese (BTW I HAVE A TUTOR NOW) have become the hardest, most complicated, challenging, great and fun things I do nowadays.

Just this year alone, went to Houston, Dallas, Chicago, San Jose and now getting ready for my first time at EVO and first time in vegas next week, all just to go and play some tekken.

Im not great at it by any means, but Ive had a lotta good come from my time with it. New group of friends that support and challenge me. Reasons to go other places, hell actually going to other places with said group. Reminder of things i want to learn. Seeing all these pro players and esports, fgc, etc all these other terms, its a weird weird world of gaming. And hell just a lotta changes.

OH AND ABOUT THE TUTOR

shits hard like

crushingly

hard

sure i was self studying for about 2 years, but 1) you can only get so far on your own, and 2) i barely learned anything in comparison lessbereal. (i learned how to say maybe 20 things? and how to get around a town) but now actually having one on one lessons/ actually talking with my tutor in conversations and stuffa gotten so much better. LIKE I CAN WRITE BABY SENTENCES ABOUT MY DAY SO MUCH IHAD LEARNED THAT DIDNT STICK IS ACTUALLY STICKING NOW.

Iunno if ill do more tournies this year after vegas, lessons are pretty pricey so may just focus on that. Still looking at bartending gigs, but thatll be om hold for a sec.

TLDR: Been busy! Good busy! Less stress? ehhhhh new stress better at handling. 日本語でN O T O K。Teggn gud. EVO Vegas next week. Cut my hair shorter again. Hope yall doing good.

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[arimation-aj]

Sometimes I just wanna forget,Who I was and Who I am.

Isnt it just great to letting tge poeple that you care about down to see them cry? Isnt it just great to be the MISTAKE OF EVEYTHING? I just dont know what is life right now,But the only thing i KNOW about life is .Its terrible and crul.... We cant really control our life and whats gonna hapend next but for me its just all sucks. Bad People, Bad friends , Bad partner , Bad !!! Im just a one big broken piece of trash! Im not good at anything.Im not the best at anything , But im TERRIBLE WITH EVERYTHING! I just wanted to be a New person...... With new life..... No presure ..... no hate..... I just dont want to be fake. Fack smile.....Fake Laugh.......Fake personalities..... Im just one sad person with nothing special......... Im a Lair...... The word “Gud gud . I am fine” its all just a word that i used to get out of the most Event and Trouble. To see you sad and tired try to help this worthless person to Be happy? i dont want that. Maybe i could just Deleted this blog and make a new one....... so no one could find me....? i think . I hope that i will see you in my new blog if im really broke and deleted this one. this is my lil thing that i have to get it of my chest Y O U T U B E C O N T E N T? okey so i just want to ask you what should i do? im planing on doing a StoryTime And original animation series? Storytime -so i just want to ask you what do you want it to be maybe give me some topic and ill talk about it ? idk Original Series - Do you want to see my original or Fan animation or Animation short? Other thing - Just tell me. So yea i hope that you have a nice day and stuff...... luv Mika 🖤

[grilledkatniss]

Oops priorities

So I wanted to cast my Netflix on the TV and, well I didn’t have Netflix on my phone cause I sometimes like to believe I’m stronger than what I actually am and if I don’t have the App on my phone maybe I get to have a chance to perhaps be more productive... same reason why I uninstalled Youtube (as much as I could, so basically all the updates, and blocked it) and got Duolingo. But fuck that. In this house you need Netflix on your phone otherwise you can’t cast your shows on TV and have to settle for whatever the other wants to watch on their session because it’s their session. So in order to make room for the Netflix app, I had to uninstall both the Tumblr app AND Duolingo. The sacrifices we make for even more diversion and entertainment. I just hope, when I reinstall Doulingo at some undetermined point in the future, that the app remembers my progress. And while I was at it why not unblock and reinstall the last Youtube update because we don’t care about sleeping at night at all, no, might as well fuck up our sleeping schedule all the way. So now I can’t keep up with my regular stalking and crazy fast reblogging of all things dumb that go through my dash. There’s that.

Prompt for day 12: DRAGON

Taylor Swift is all over the place today. Remember that sweet and beautiful song of hers Long Live? I so love that song. This is not necessarily Taylor as a kid but.. I mean this is no Christmas tree farm :,3 The angles are all off but fuck that too, we’ve run out of our weekly quota of fucks today. So for the crowd out there, that gud boi is wearing dragon! wings and fangs, one of the aforementioned fell off but WHO’S A GUD BOI

My dog has a chronic bone illness and today hasn’t been a good day for him. We’re trying to get him to eat something. He’s been laid down all day and right now it looks like even that's painful so he won’t even sit, he just stands there while my other dog steals his food. Hashtag siblings amirite