#but maybe i'm being too sensitive

[inkskinned]

we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.

"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."

i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.

you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"

i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.

what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.

i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.

"don't make a big deal about this," you said.

this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.

"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.

you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."

the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.

afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[enemywasp]

I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.

For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.

is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?

[ozarkthedog]

this isn't towards any one person, it's literally to every writer.

"Moodboard is for aesthetic purpose only. Reader has no physical descriptors."

idc what you say it's still putting a certain body image in the minds of those who come across your fics. There have been many posts written about inclusivity over the years. How and why are we still seeing headers featuring images of obvious physical body types when it's supposed to be "reader insert"?

If you can write a fic without any physical descriptions, you can most certainly find inclusive images to use for your headers.

[triaelf9]

ugh I reallllyyyyy didn’t want to get in on this but like

The assumption that all atheists are people who’ve “never touched a religious text in their life” basically says to me you have a specific view of atheists and have probably not known many.

Most of them grew up IN the system and DO know the text and THAT’S why they walk away. 

If you’re gonna make a whole post on ppl not using nuance with CR stuff right now the least you can do is use nuance yourself and not paint an entire group of people with a brush that TV taught you, or a bunch of white men into power *cough* Dawkins *cough* coopted a movement in a society where to not believe in god is synonymous with being immoral.

So just keep in mind, the representation of people without faith that you see on TV or twitter isn’t the majority and 9 times out of 10 isn’t correct at all.

thanks ^_^

[deoidesign]

I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)

I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...

But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.

Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.

Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly

[milfbrainrot]

.

I feel like in the past the mix of this site being used for both activism and fandom helped contribute to a lot of unhinged politicized fandom discourse where yeah ofc there's a political tie to media but ppl used it as... a form of activism where it was given disproportionate importance compared to other activism discussions? Whereas now we're swinging to the opposite site of How Dare You Care About Meaningless TV Shows When Politics.

Like... we can have a mix of realizing there's more important stuff to focus on than shipping discourse in the world at large without also minimizing the insane doxxing and death threats behavior going on in fandom that people in fandom have to take into consideration to be able to do their hobby, esp given how those attitudes stem from irl political climates at times in ways that are telling to study. Hobbies are kinda how we prevent activism burnout also. Crazey how that works.

[foreverxdaydreaming]

x

[wretcheddoll]

"omg Armand and Marius's relationship just like Hard Times by Ethel Cain 🥺"

Um no it's not?! like at all?! hello?!

[blamemma]

.

[equalperson]

also, (vaguely) on the subject of My mom's past abusive relationship, there's some melancholy that comes with the only person you've known with the same disabilities as you being toxic.

he was a schizophrenic narcissist, the only other one I've met. I've known one other narcissist and no other schizophrenics, let alone anyone with both.

it's such a provocative thought, that I technically had someone with the same rare combination of disabilities as Me for a stepfather, although I never called him such (I've had two "stepdads" at this point, but I've only ever called My biological father by paternal terminology).

I think about how much I missed out on and it somehow manages to make Me emotional: having someone I could talk to about My experiences who would understand instead of belittle, being able to actually connect with someone like Me when I'm surrounded by people who see Me as subhuman for these things.

when I fixate on this part of his identity enough, it's like there were so many good memories to be had if we were just closer, if we ever actually had a conversation, despite him living with us for months.

but then I remember all of the bad things, the reasons why I never even wanted to talk to him: the way he'd scream at My mother daily, blast far-right videos outside of My room (knowing I was trans), stress her into a miscarriage and then tell her he was glad it happened. so much, everyday, for months on end.

there was never an opportunity for us to bond; he wasn't just misunderstood or troubled, he was a raging bigot and parasite.

I do believe some of his outbursts were attributable to his diagnoses (I'm 99% sure I triggered a narcissistic rage once, which I don't hold against him), but he did so much that even the most severe cases of schizophrenic narcissism don't cause.

there's so much isolation that comes with being disabled, let alone multiply disabled, and ESPECIALLY someone with a rare combination of disabilities.

I can't expect tolerance from other autistics because I'm schizophrenic. I can't expect tolerance from other schizophrenics because I'm a narcissist.

all of My disabilities are more likely to occur with one another in some way, but they're not actually common with each other. for example, schizophrenia occurs in 3% of autistics vs. 0.32% of the general population; roughly 2% of the general population is avoidant, while roughly 7% of narcissists are.

it's like that all around, so although I'm more likely to meet a schizophrenic among autistics or an avoidant among narcissists, it's still incredibly unlikely, especially considering how lateral ableism/sanism often pushes people with heavily stigmatized co-occurrences out of community spaces.

all things considered, there's some safety in the thought of having someone with multiple of My same disabilities in My life, especially two of My most widely demonized ones.

I just don't feel safe around people with just one or none of My disabilities in common, so there's some degree of yearning to meet an exception, especially through that familial lens, where I don't have to put any effort into maintaining the relationship Myself.

I mean, I suspect her current husband is borderline (not gonna assert anything 100% because I have no confirmation of this, but he does show every major sign pretty consistently and significantly; if not borderline, he almost definitely has some type of mental disability), which I know is a cousin diagnosis, but it's just not the same.

not to say that I don't respect borderlines or feel any solidarity with them, but there's such a difference between somebody maybe possibly having a disability similar to yours and someone definitely absolutely having two of your exact same disabilities.

plus, the current guy is also a bigot (not as loudly so, but still a bigot), adulterer, and child abuser (not of Me; his biological child), so even if he matched every single diagnosis, he still wouldn't be a good role model or parent-friend by any means.

but regardless, there is certainly some melancholy to the fact that the only person I've ever known IRL with My disabilities (any of them, in terms of RL connections; I don't even know other autistics IRL) turned out to be such a dead end, and that there's such a low chance I'll ever meet somebody else with the same profile again.

[lesbionia]

My friend's boyfriend looked at me during Scrabble then played the D slur 🙃

[whirliko]

just a reminder that i do look at my activity and see the tags yall use when u rb my stuff

[puppycheesecake]

hi, can you please tag personal posts? I use simblr as an escape and seeing posts about illness makes me uncomfy. thanks!

Hey, this is a fucked up ask to send. This is my personal blog--my safe space. Coming into my house and telling me to exist quieter because my lived reality isn't fun for you is really fucked up.

I don't know what else to say to this. You're uncomfortable with me being ill? What do you think it's like for me trying to live with it? I'm sick, and scared, and you...want me to be quieter about it so as not to bother you?

Have some empathy. I'm a human being, and I'm just trying to see my next birthday. This is an incredibly callous and tone-deaf thing to say. Adding a "please" and "thanks" doesn't make it less cruel.

[eschynite]

also not vibing with most of the women i ever meet/men being almost the sole group that's interested in connecting with me is, like. do i just accept the possibility that i may never have a close relationship again? because 27 years of almost exclusively being a punching bag for the people i love and respect has me feeling so hopeless. when i imagine a happy future, i can't conceive of anything except for me by myself. my most fulfilling interactions have been with strangers whose true intentions i probably would have been disgusted by if my close relationships have been any indication of how people truly see me

[manuinout]

Me, who's an anxious and sensitive auDHD that feels absolutely scared of watching anything Inside Out related that isn't from the only Pixar account I see, scared of having a heart attack: