#but maybe i'll take that offer idk
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crying. i just accidentally made a friend (?) during the psb project lmao
#or rather he made me his friend bdgxydh#i was sitting alone looking through my notes and he started talking to me#and i was like???#but i answered like a decent human being i am#and then he sat next to me next to class and after it walked with6me for a while jducuehdg#but that's not the most wild thing#he saw my fandom stickers on my phonecase#and was like cool stickers where did you buy them#and i was like ah i made them myself#and he was like woah cool like with markers? you could definitely make these for sale and get profits#and i was like yeah haha i guess i could make a business#and he was like well now you have one potential client#and i was so surprised ndhdhd#but maybe i'll take that offer idk#he was hella weird overall but i appreciate that he talked to me#and that hw complimented my stickers#+10 points to good impression
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today on random languages my brain is going 👀 at is biblical hebrew and biblical greek
#the following tags will have discussions of my faith and christianity in general so if you're not interested in that then stop reading ig#some lore: in my early teens i did consider doing a theology degree at uni and becoming an ordained minister/taking a role in the church#this was before i found out a) in my denomination only men can be ministers (deaconesses exist but yeah) and b) the church as an institutio#is pretty yikes#and then finding out i'm queer and nonbinary threw other spanners in there but despite it all my faith is still so so important to me#i want to start learning about christian/comparative theology more broadly to understand both my own faith and others' better#idk why but today i randomly ended up on the webpage for the theological college in NI and was just looking through the courses they offer#maybe someday in the distant future i'll have the money and time to burn to do an online postgrad degree with them#but yeah they have a postgrad certificate in biblical greek 👀 which looked v cool#the internet is a wonderful place and i found a pretty comprehensive looking biblical hebrew course on youtube and i'd probs be able to fin#biblical greek somewhere if i looked hard enough#greek and hebrew are both such linguistically interesting languages and being able to read some would also help in my theological adventure#so new side quest just dropped ig? at least it's my reading week this week so I can dabble in them with no consequences#i've also been wanting to try and learn a language via an immersion focus - obvs can't do full immersion with biblical greek and hebrew but#yeah using a less grammar and vocab focused approach than i'm used to#i have access to digital bibles so i could just choose a v literal english translation and then try and parse what's happening?#yeah we'll see#langblr#ellis exclaims
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it becomes more and more obvious to me as I get older that I really can't tell when people genuinely like me
just had a coworker text me to tell me that another one is distraught that I no longer work wednesdays and that she's been complaining to other people that it sucks that I'm not there ... like people think about me positively and want me around??? impossible
#[static]#i know that people are friendly and i do know that i have friends but even then it takes months or sometimes YEARS before I truly know#like even the ppl im playing dnd with biweekly (and maybe soon to be weekly) ... im still kind of vaguely shocked when they say nice things#or like when one of them wanted to hang out for lunch and offered to drive but then didnt actually end up getting lunch ...#they just wanted to hang out and spend time with me to chat. when i thought that they were just going to the same place to eat#ive dont really verbalize it ever that i function like this but i think it's why i tend to hold people at an arms length#or that i struggle when they say positive things about me to my face#i literally have written documentation that indicate people actively look to me for help and leadership because they trust me and like me-#-but i still often believe that it's one sided (from my side) or that people are just being polite but i have evidence to prove otherwise#idk i dont think i'll ever be able to figure it out but im always trying!
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Introductions ✨✨
Hey! I'm Coriander. It's not what I go by in my other blogs on here but I want to keep things a bit more separate, at least at first. This is gonna be a long one (sorry) so I'm adding a cut.
I'm exploring Hellenic polytheism, and have only recently started, but it's something I've been considering, in a way, for over a year. I don't have a big, intense story that marks the beginning for me; I didn't necessarily feel a personal, spiritual connection to any of the deities from the time I was a young child in the way others describe, and I haven't had an intense experience that marked the beginning of my path.
I've always felt drawn to Greek mythology, though. I have a distinct memory of laying on my stomach on the floor of the school library in 3rd or 4th grade, reading a picture book about Hades and Persephone. It kept my attention the way others - even Egyptian mythology, another major interest - didn't. I, of course, had the classic queer kid experience of being super into the Percy Jackson series for a while, but my interest in it predated that. The specific deities I've been drawn to have changed somewhat as I've grown up, and they definitely shaped some of my interests. But delving into them again has helped me see connections that weren't explicitly connected to Greek mythology. I felt drawn to Athena growing up, for example, and my love of owls was definitely shaped by that. Even though that has settled into the background somewhat, that connection has persisted in things like my knitting and desires to dye yarn and learn how to weave (side note: I associate crochet more with Apollo, actually, despite it also being a fiber art). I felt connected to Artemis and Persephone as a kid, but that waned as I got older, discovered I was trans, and began my transition. I've felt connected to Hestia and her quiet hearth-keeping since I learned about her: I've always strived to make myself & my space safe and welcoming for others, and being told I succeeded in that is one of the best compliments I've received. But my interests in the morbid (ex Pompeii & the Paris catacombs), psychopomps, rocks & minerals, and keys weren't explicitly related to Hades. Some of the connections didn't click until I started to look into him more seriously about a year ago. I was an artist and had interests in writing, poetry, singing, and playing instruments long before it actually clicked that all of those fell into Apollo's domain, as I associated Athena far more with visual arts as a kid. I also didn't realize that he & Artemis cover diseases (another long-running interest) until very recently. The concept of xenia, too, was something I grew up with to some extent, even though no one called it that. My father modelled it to my siblings and I; I even learned about it within the context of ancient Greece at some point growing up and it stuck with me, despite not knowing the name.
I grew up Mormon, and was incredibly devout until college, when the pandemic forcibly separated me from that environment and I not only discovered that I was queer in several ways, but realized that the Church 1) wasn't safe to stay in and 2) wasn't actually true (which came later, when I started to get over my fear of reading "anti-Mormon literature"). During that period between those two realizations I got into tarot and using plants and crystals for their correspondences (two other interests growing up), as well as using rocks to ground myself. At that time, I considered myself a "liminal Mormon", and was reaching out to Heavenly Mother specifically via tarot. But as it set in that Mormonism specifically, and Christianity generally, wasn't for me, I got more and more interested in modern witchcraft separated from the belief system I was raised in.
It never quite felt right, though. The constant need for protections and doing something "the right way" lest things backfire and you invite the wrong thing into your home, or hurt yourself, or others, or or or, made my anxious & scrupulous brain go into overdrive. I wasn't even sure I believed in it spiritually, or if I was just interested in it from a mindfulness standpoint, and staring down the barrel of comically high piles of research without knowing where to start was exhausting. The concept of dual deities, the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, put a bad taste in my mouth (which bled over into Persephone for a while because she and Hades are often used to symbolize those archetypes- sorry Persephone). But, not wanting to listen too much to my discomfort (since part of it may have been, and probably was, prior conditioning), I pushed ahead and actually completed one ritual that had all of the steps - cleansing, representations of the four elements and directions, etc. - and was very carefully designed to leave room for growth and change. It represented the start of my path. I still have the jar I made during the ritual, though I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it.
Around that time, I was considering whether or not to work with deities- specifically Hades, as that was who I felt the most drawn to at the time. The idea interested me, but I wasn't sure if it was from an academic or spiritual angle. I'd really only seen deity work from a modern witchcraft/neo-pagan perspective which, again, didn't sit right with me. On top of that, I wasn't quite ready to let go of Christianity even though I already functionally had, and was terrified of doing something "wrong" and getting, for lack of a better term, sent to (figurative) hell. I decided to do a simple "yes/no" tarot pull and got about the clearest "no" you can get: a reversed Ace of Swords. So I decided to let it rest and that, if I ever felt drawn to it again, I could re-approach the topic.
So, for over a year, I didn't touch it. Continuing with witchcraft after the ritual didn't feel right, either, so my altar collected dust while I tried to sort out my spirituality (or lack thereof). I settled on "I don't know and that's okay" and left it at that, trusting that when the time came, and I had more energy and mental space, that I would be able to start looking into things again.
I never truly stopped thinking about the idea of deity work/worship, though. It was always in the back of my mind. I figured it was because of the way I was raised and tried to sever my idea of spirituality from how I was conditioned while I worked through my religious trauma, got on anxiety medication, and learned more about myself and how I interacted with the world (including that I have both ADHD and autism, something that surprised no one).
Recently I talked with a witchy friend about my thoughts on divinity and what is or isn't out there (neither of us were sure but we both felt like there was something), and that conversation gave me the button I needed to start looking into paganism again. I realized at work a week or two later that I could just look up the different paths of paganism (a term I'd recently heard that hadn't clicked before then) and see if there was one that did fit. The first site I found not only had a clear, concise explanation for belief systems I hadn't knowingly come across before, but it touched on Hellenic polytheism and gave a recommendation for someone to watch to learn more about it. And unlike the sharp knot in my chest that warned me away from attending BYU, and going on a mission, and delving further into modern witchcraft as I'd been introduced to it, learning about Hellenic polytheism felt right. It was heavy and grounding and like home. Many of the issues I'd had with other neo-pagan systems - the constant vigilance & protections & concerns over trickster spirits, for example - simply didn't exist there, or were approached very differently. I still had a mental block about it, though, and realized it was because of that tarot pull a year prior. So I did another one, and got a clear "Yes, jump right in. We're waiting for you". And that's where I've been since which, granted, hasn't been for very long. I've felt especially connected to Apollo and Aphrodite recently, who I believe reached out in a different tarot pull recently - using the same card, actually - which is interesting because while I've appreciated different ways Aphrodite has been depicted, I haven't felt very connected to her in a way I realized was her until recently. It makes sense, though- I got into my first relationship around the same time I did that ritual, and not only are we still together a year later, but a trinket I used to ground myself during those first few months is also pretty directly associated with her. I'm planning on adding it to her altar/shrine area as soon as I find it (it's also still amongst the moving wreckage).
But anyway, hi! If you read this far thank you for taking the time out of your day to do so. If anyone has recommendations for books or other educational resources, or discord servers/other online forum-esque communities, please feel free to share. I've been enjoying looking through the tags and getting a feel for the community here, too; hopefully I'm here to stay.
#one thing ive *really* appreciated is the “sin doesnt exist” thing. its something i realized i'd actually manage to mostly unlearn#by the time i was learning about cleanliness in a helpol context which was nice#in conclusion: im more sure of my spiritual path than i was several weeks ago which was nice#*is nice#and it's also nice having the space to try and let go of having to *know* what's going on in a cosmic/afterlife sense. i dont need to know#and that's *fine*. it's chill. its alright.#hellenic pagan#helpol#my post#coriander says#hellenic polytheism#hellenic polythiest#also: maybe hot take but i disagree w/ the concept of sex causing miasma. maybe in the sense of 'you should do more cleansing than usual#before making an offering' b/c yeah. its messy and there are bodily fluids involved. but it seems so wildly different#from the other causes of miasma & feels pretty purity culture-y tbh. maybe it#*it's just a holdover from the 'breaking the law of chastity is a sin next to murder' shit & i'll feel differently later. idk#christianity cw#mormonism cw#uh. i think that's it. lmk if i need to cw tag anything else but there's nothing glaringly obvious#*nothing else
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Just submitted a new patient request to Anchor Health. Cross your fingers for me, so I can get set up w/a doc I can stick with who can handle my T and PCP stuff and maybe even mental health stuff? (their website let me mark all three as things I wanted them to provide care for at least)
and the poor local PP can get back to trying to help others without me taking up any more of their scarce resources and staff
#text post#tbh they might say no#i do fall under the qualifying thing of I came from a state that's not safe for trans folks anymore#but I did note on my form that I've been here abt a year since they needed an address and I didn't want the CT address to be confusing#my concern is bc i've been in the state a year already that will disqualify me#told them too that I've been working with pp but need to find full time care for these things and would like to switch to them#they take medicaid plus offer rides to the clinics and i think telehealth too?#so for whatever can't be done via telehealth I could get a ride to the nearest clinic and back again#which frees me from having to try and budget for lyfts or for poor Housemate to have to work aer schedule around me needing rides#which reminds me i neeeeed to get my bloodwork done#idk if i can manage it today bc the doc messaging thing already has my brain even Louder than before (but it deeply needed doing)#but this week if the uni finally shoots me my latest paycheck I think i'll just take a lyft and either go to a blood draw clinic or call pp#and ask to have them do it and apologise for it taking so long to get it done#bc I can tell they're judging me for it and like. they're not wrong to#i really do want to get it done it's just been hard to coordinate around other stuff and yeah. blood draws usually suck for me so also#it's hard to make myself go do it even when something important to me depends upon it#im rambling too much again time to dip back to survey sites and maybe researching dentists for the fall for me and Housemate
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The minute I get even a moment of free time I'm like 👀 I should go on a date with someone as though I don't have an assignment due next week
#I'm sooo silly in the head I want to be silly w someoneeeeeeeeeeeee#But like. I barely have time to see my friends what am I doing#I finished midterms n my essay so this week I am soooo chilling#And everyone else still has assignments and I'm like.. Ok then maybe I'll start talking to someone.. Knowing fully that next next week#Will not give me the same grace......#WAAAAAAAAH idk feeling floaty abt it..#Void talks#I feel like an adult I feel like a kid I am a large and old teenager I am a young grandmother .#I am going to meet people I am going to network I am going to take advantage of what university has to offer!!!#I am going to try to befriend the probably queer girl in my chem class......#Speaking things into existence as I am sooo so sleepy from the exercise..#I want a sweet.
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sometimes. people on here will say things where i know if i point-blank asked them "hey, do you like butches, femmes, and people that do not 'look' or 'act' queer?" they'll of course say yes duh. and i know if i asked them, "cool. do you think that an androgynous person or 'very gender nonconforming' (for lack of better phrasing) is more queer than someone that isn't?" they'll say no of course not.
but then you read the things they've said about how queer people present themselves, how they "should" present themselves once they've reached a fully realized state, and how it relates to gender and relationships and its like Hmmmmmmmmmm. i don't think you do like any of those three groups i mentioned actually if that's how you really feel on those issues lmao.
it's the same school of thought behind the perplexingly popular idea that because noah wears athleisure, he couldn't possibly be gay (before he came out, this was the common sentiment; and even now, people act like finn is more queer than noah, just because he "looks and acts" like it according to them). this idea that you have to look and act a certain way to be Actually Queer or Queer Enough, and if you don't, then that's because you've fallen victim to conforming or you just aren't as comfortable with your identity. (what? as if there's a single queer identity to begin with?)
that if you're a queer guy and you behave or look masculine, then you just haven't come out of your shell and accepted yourself or experimented enough. that if you're a queer woman and you're feminine, then the same applies, or you're not as queer as a butch woman, who does exhibit gender nonconformity, for example. and if you're butch or femme (+ other equivalents), or in a relationship with your counterpart, then you're perpetuating heteronormativity, as if that's even possible, and we all know that's so very, awfully, terribly Bad, you're a stain on the community, and you have issues you need to work out.
people don't have to look or act in a particular way to be acceptably queer enough. we don't all gravitate towards certain expressions of gender nonconformity or androgyny just because we're queer, and a failure to do that doesn't suggest that we're uncomfortable with ourselves and our identity. you can continue to be yourself as you were even after realizing you're queer. that's not impossible or a bad thing.
femmes and gay men that are masculine in any capacity are not traitors, confused, or less gay. some people are the way that they are, regardless of their sexuality. we don't all morph into the same person when we realize we're queer. that shouldn't be a difficult concept to understand? that's literally just... being a human and treating queer people as such.
those evil gay people who are in "masc/fem" relationships aren't perpetuating heteronormativity either. just because they exist outside of your realm of understanding, or have the kind of relationship that you wouldn't personally want for yourself, that doesn't mean that they aren't members of your community—which is the queer community, in case you forgot—and don't deserve respect, too.
like. it's just so demoralizing lmao. what's so hard to understand about accepting that people are all different and that just because we may belong to the same community, that doesn't mean that we are all the same and must fall in line? it's so tone-deaf, insulting, and just plain unrealistic. you may not mean it that way, but it is. that rhetoric just is.
feminine gay women exist. masculine gay men exist. sometimes they may experiment with their gender expression once realizing this, but they don't always and they don't have to to be considered queer. butch/fem relationships and other similar relationships are not imitations of heterosexuality, because they're fucking gay, and they do not adhere to traditional heterosexual roles, because, again, they're fucking gay.
your experiences and beliefs are not universal. gay people are not clones of each other. stop invalidating or speaking down on other queer people just because you can't relate to them personally. i know some people don't mean to insinuate these things, but you do. you are. constantly. and the people that fall in those categories you've deemed unacceptable and other, see it.
it's so... exhausting to face that in this space, which is supposed to be a respite from the physical world where that happens, too. and those actions, those beliefs that people share, they also bleed into the physical world and how you interact with other people in your community. it's not just little words that you write and have no meaning. it doesn't start and end with a fictional character. the things that you say matter and sometimes they're very troubling.
people who have been in those "fem/masc" relationships, or that identify with any kind of similar label, have not lived a life that's an imitation of heterosexuality, nor are they any less queer than you just because you haven't been in/participate in relationships like that.
#personally idk about you guys....#but i LOVE getting invalidated irl and also online by fellow queer ppl just bc i don't 'look' or 'act' gay enough according to them 👍#anyway. yes my feelings are hurt lmao. of course they are. sometimes people say things innocently and don't realize how it#comes across or what they're implying. it happens. i just wanted to offer a different perspective from someone that has been the#fem in gay relationships. bc quite frankly i don't like the idea that i have to be more androgynous or masculine to be a fully realized gay#nor do i like the idea that my relationships have been less than or would be bad representation if shown to an audience lmao.#same for my gay male friends that are also feminine. and same for my bi male friends that are more masculine. or the butch women i've#dated. i don't think any of them are any less queer or bad representation and i would never think that if they had just#experimented with androgyny then maybe they'd be an elevated version of themselves.#it sounds crazy but when you take those same words that ppl say and apply them to real people... that's what you're saying.#anywayyyyyyyyyy.......... i'll fuck off again
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CitoIta and Kingdom Hearts Headcanons
Because I like Kingdom Hearts and I like them and they are gamers
(I say CitoIta but honestly, it’s just because it’s about Citron & Itaru, the ship is kinda vague here lol. Like it’s probably optional to read it that way at this point)
(There’s an attempted bonus section about Banri at the end, that’s why I tagged him.)
{Opening in new tab is strongly advised. I used bullet points with sub bullet points. UPDATE: I personally struggled with opening this in a new tab on the blog where all the subpoints are properly formatted, so I pinned it so you can go right to my blog and find it easily if you want. Also I moved the Intro below the Keep Reading link for space.}
Keep Reading (I manually put this one so it would hopefully always open in a new properly formatted tab)
In this post, scientifically backed by my memory, understanding of the characters and other things (eg: feelings, unlisted headcanons, & my understanding of types of people in fanbases/the kh fandom, minus shippers, I’m not touching that... here, I might consider it in the future, probably not but maybe), I will go over basics like how many games they’ve played and their fave games, trios, characters by groups, and moments. Also, there are conversations and little tidbits about how it fits into their world. I tried to pick a favorite battle but note that they probably have more than one those are just notable ones that I thought were worth mentioning. There will be KH spoilers if you’re someone unfamiliar/not caught up with it.
Citron
Has not played every game but has looked into the story and watched playthroughs of some of the other games.
Hasn’t played the games he has played in order,
Might not have caught up on the story in order but if so that’d be more because he was looking for specific characters and info
Has definitely played BBS, Days, CoM, UX, & Dark Road.
Might’ve played (one, two or all three of the following, idk) DDD, Re:Coded, KH
Has definitely not played KH2,
Likes to find/delve into theories
Read the Sleeping Realm Theory
to Itaru, because he thought it sorta sounded interesting but told Citron he wasn’t reading all that.
I don’t know any other names of long theories besides SRT but you can bet your bottom dollar that Citron has read(or listened to) them for sure
Wants very much to try Sea Salt ice cream
Considering figuring out how to make Wayfinders
UX Union:
Anguis
and has never switched unions
Favorites:
Game: Birth By Sleep
Trio: Keyblade Knights
Lost Trio is a close second
Character from each group:
Destiny: Sora
Sea Salt: Axel
Keyblade Knights: Aqua
Twilight Town: Hayner
Lost Trio: Namine
but Vanitas is a close second
Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Xemnas, Zexion/Ienzo or Demyx(probably depends on the day)
Foretellers: Luxu
Xkids: Brain
& He gets bonus points for dressing up his Chirithy
DR Underclassmen: Vor
DR Upperclassmen: Vidar
Xehanort: Xemnas (?)
I know I listed Xemnas as one of his faves in Organization 13 but genuinely I feel it’s a v love hate relationship, where the love is that he can and definitely would(is like two seconds away from it) do an analysis on Xemnas’s actions/behaviors/character
Boss Battle(that he definitely 100% played):
BBS Aqua ft. Terra vs Terranort
Opening:
Birth by Sleep 0.2 A Fragmentary Passage
Moments/Tidbits:
Involving Fave Trio:
All three:
KH3
Terra gaining control and saving Aqua and Ven
Aqua:
BBS
Doing her job but still standing up for Stitch
Giving up everything to try and save Terra
BBS 0.2
Knowingly chasing after illusions of her friends because she misses them so much.
Terra:
BBS
Gaining hope from meeting Cinderella
Standing against Eraqus to protect Ven
Ven:
BBS:
Running away with Stitch, lowkey being a space criminal
DDD:
Putting his armor on Sora to protect him from the darkness
Involving someone other than Fave Trio:
KH1:
Kairi protecting Sora/saving him from being a Heartless
Days:
that Sora just subconsciously gave some of his memories to Xion because she didn’t have any
DDD
Neku telling Joshua Shibuya is his home too
Sora going off to thank the Dreameaters
Commonly Quoted(? idk what else to call these, i specifically mean the ones you find in compilations and stuff) Lines from the English Translation: “[’Me? I’m already half Xehanort'] ‘That’s nuts...’”
Bracketed the first part bcuz I think he uses the second part as a reaction sometimes, same infliction and everything
It’s at the point that Tsuzuru’s familiar with it, against his wishes(If Citron says the first part Tsuzuru might accidentally properly respond, that’s how deep in he is, he’s not even sure who Xehanort is(but he does think that’s nuts))
Final things of note:
Is excited for Atlantis in KH2
Enjoys the attractions in KH3:
Loves that Dark Aqua could be beat w/ a pirate ship
Loves that there was a roller coaster in the Keyblade Graveyard
Favorite Summons:
KH: Tinkerbell & Bambi
KH2: Stitch
KH3: Ariel & Meowwow
Often forgets he has items but has gotten really good at blocking and healing because of it
Very good with magic
Itaru
Has played just about every game in release date order,
with just about 100% completion on all of them
Is (lowkey, but acts highkey) appalled Citron hasn’t played the games in order, currently planning time for them to play through all the games together
Has read the manga and maybe some of the light novels
Does look at theories sometimes, might even have a few of his own, definitely has his own headcanons
Secretly wishes he could share a Paopu Fruit w/ someone
UX Union:
Vulpeus
There’s a possibility he might’ve tried the other unions at some point but Vulpeus is his main and current union
Favorites:
Game: KH2
Trio: Sea Salt
Character from each group:
Destiny: Currently Riku,
Wants it to be Kairi, but it’s just not, is always excited and ready for Kairi news tho
Was Sora for awhile
Sea Salt: Roxas,
It really is, but he would absolutely main Xion if given the chance
Keyblade Knights: Aqua
Twilight Town: Roxas Olette
though he somewhat feels guilty to Pence as feels like he spent more time with Pence but that Olette is just a tad bit cooler
Lost Trio: Rep,
but Namine’s a close second
Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Currently Saïx/Isa, but it’s kind of a love hate relationship
There’s also a lean towards Larxene
Foretellers: Ava
Xkids: Skuld
DR underclassmen: Baldr
DR Upperclassmen: Hoder
Yes he cried over their story, no he won’t openly admit it
Chikage did witness it tho
Xehanort: Ansem SoD
Boss Battle (that he definitely 100% played):
Days Roxas v Xion
Opening:
KH2,
not because KH2 is his favorite game but rather it adds to why KH2 is his favorite game
Moments/Tidbits:
Involving Fave Trio:
All Three:
KH3
Their whole battle/reunion
to clarify the Lea Isa scene is a part of that
Roxas:
Days
The scene around the Riku vs Roxas battle
KH2:
Roxas v Sora scene
(I debated between this and the DDD scene. Also I feel like his list of favorite Roxas moment is longer than this but)
Xion:
KH2:
The seashell in the opening... for Xion
Days
Xion getting her own answers and spending time with Namine and Riku
Xion leaving all those seashells for Roxas
Axel:
CoM
Letting Namine go
KH2
Sacrificing himself to save Sora
Involving someone other than Fave Trio:
KH2
Sora and Riku in RoD
Coded:
(Data-)Riku reaching for the moon
UX
Ephemer and Skuld saving Player|Star(light)/bringing them to the new version of the world
KH3 Re: Mind
Playing as Kairi in that boss battle
The fact that Kairi throws her keyblade because she trained with Axel
Commonly Quoted(?) Lines from the English Translation: “Roxas, that’s a stick.”
Final things of note:
Has found all 101 Dalmatians
Has read fanfiction longer than the Sleeping Realm Theory
(which is actually really easy to do, I looked it up and the docs word count is 31,265)
Has his Data-bosses battles on his channel
Proud it only took a couple of tries to beat Yozora (he recorded each try to put his win on his channel)
Uses items all the time, knows when the best time to effectively use items for maximum item usage
“Actual" conversations:
Fave Games:
Itaru: *rambling about some KH2-related topic &/or how he can’t believe Citron hasn’t played 2*
Citron: ooo! Itaru, are you one of those guys who feels Kingdom Hearts peaked at 2?
Itaru: Kingdom Hearts 2 is just an objectively good game, the other games are good too though. KH2 is just, objectively speaking, great. Is it my favorite? Yes, but it’s completely warranted as...
Citron: *smiling as Itaru starts rambling knowing that he’s point two seconds away from going into a 2hr spiel about how KH2 is great*
Itaru: *clears throat catching himself early* A-Anyway, which one’s your favorite?
Citron: Birth by Sleep! I love the ice cream rhythm game :3
Itaru: *understanding that there’s definitely a lot deeper of a reason to that being Citron’s fave* Oh, that’s a good pick. Actually sorta seems on brand for you. Ice Cream Beat is pretty fun.
[Then they boot up Itaru’s copy of BBS and play Ice Cream Beat]
Play Order:
Itaru: So it’s a little late for you to get the full proper experience but we’re gonna play the games in order because it’s really the best way to experience the games.
Citron: Ok, speaking of order and since we’ll get to Birth By Sleep eventually, we both agree that the best way to play the first time is Aqua Terra Ven, yes?
Itaru [has played each route and in varying order, does not quite remember which order he played the game in the first time but is pretty sure it was Terra Ven Aqua]: ...Ven makes a lot of sense to play last...
Citron: Then I am glad we are in agreement. ^^
Itaru: Most people play Aqua last tho--
Citron: Sure chronologically she left Land of Departure last, but story telling-wise *starts talking about why Aqua, Terra, Ven is the best order*
Twewy: (I could do a whole other post on headcanons regarding them playing twewy, it’d maybe be shorter, tho maybe I won’t bcuz I feel like they know more than me lol(I say like Itaru doesn’t know more about KH than me *cries*). If I refer to twewy’s og name wrong here I’m sorry)
Citron: It’s cool that the twewy characters were in DDD. :)
Itaru: Yea. Oh you played subaseka before you met the cast in 3D right?
Citron: :)
Itaru: Right?
[Citron refuses to answer because he thinks leaving Itaru hanging is funnier than a yes or no ever could be]
Ansem SoD as Itaru’s Fave Xehanort:
Citron *three seconds after finding out*: So, is he your favorite because nostalgia as he was the first one you battled or because you think he’s hot?
Itaru: *chokes on being immediately found out because it’s both*
Bonus: Banri & KH Headcanons for no reason other than he also plays games
(With some obligatory Citron and Itaru mentions below because this is their post lol Banri’s not a part of CitoIta. Just to clarify)
Probably has not played all the games
Stares at Itaru whenever he starts talking about secret bosses or hard-to-find treasure chests/secret reports typically until he stops, lists a specific Banri is familiar with or Banri finds a way to shift the conversation. It’s not that he hasn’t come across them he just
doesn’t know which bosses are secret and which aren’t
doesn’t go out of his way to look for treasure chests
Partakes in the memes
Can quote more games than he played honestly, loves those “out of context”/”lines I quote” videos
Has memes saved to his phone
Azami and Taichi borrowed his phone once for picture reasons and Azami was appalled by the Aqua Cinderella meme & the Terra memes (ifykyk)
Probably had Xion’s scream from Days as Sakyo’s someone’s ringtone as a joke (can people set ringtones and ringback tones anymore?) but then he recieved a call from that person in public and was lowkey highkey embarassed so he unset it
He and Citron:
have done a Goofy rendition of Bring Me to Life one time
though Banri sorta begrudgingly participated
At least one Mankai member who was there said he’s not going Karaoke w/ them anymore
are quick to point out or send pictures of “Lucky Emblems” when they see them, it’s almost a contest at this point
Sakyo has asked them to stop sending “lOOk!! a LuCKy emBlem!” in the main chat with a picture of three connected circles, Itaru eggs them on tho
Itaru participates too but he doesn’t have the same luck in seeing them, he is the reason they started tho as in person he pointed one out so later Citron sent a picture of one to show him, so Banri just had to too but he sent two as he already had the pictures and was gonna show them later, so Citron had to find two more to be in the lead and after he found just one more, Banri caught on that they were competing and they spiraled from there
I know logically they don’t appear that often irl but I also know in my heart that it’s happened enough that Taichi, then Kazu and Kumon participated. Now, the rest of Mankai keeps an eye out for them
Between Tsumugi’s picture of flower bulbs leaning together captioned “Does this count as a lucky emblem?” Izumi asking how many points she gets for a random spot on the ground that sorta looks like a lucky emblem & Omi sending a picture of at lighting set up from work saying “ at this angle this sorta looks like a lucky emblem right?” Sakyo’s feeling a little betrayed because each of those were during times when people weren’t actively mentioning them in the chat.
Winter Troupe is the first troupe to all find at least one “Lucky Emblem”
Autumn troupe (jokingly) blame Sakyo for them not being first
UX Union:
Has probably been in a couple, Ursus or Vulpeus most recently
Favorites:
Game: Dream Drop Distance
but would rather tell you he “hasn’t thought about it, maybe 2″
Trio: Destiny,
but might not correct you if you guessed Sea Salt,
Character from each group:
Destiny: Riku
He honestly sorta relates in ways. I’m not gonna get too into it but like yea he feels.
Sea Salt: Roxas
Keyblade Knights: Terra,
but he makes jokes that rag on him a lot so unless you know Banri you would probably think he hates him or just likes to make fun of him. He really does like Terra as a character tho. Feels for him too. But as we know bullying is his love language
Twilight Town: Seifer Pence
Seifer’s a joke fave because of the undeniable proof [they] totally owned [those] lamers (if ykyk)
Lost Trio: Vanitas,
but Rep’s a close second
Organization 13(minus Sea Salt): Larxene & Xigbar
Foretellers: Luxu (?)
Xkids: Player|Star(light)
DR Underclassmen: Xehanort, “but Bragi’s kinda cool, I guess.”
DR Upperclassmen: *hasn’t actually caught up yet, but he likes Helgi’s design*
Xehanort: Young Master Xehanort(YMX)
Itaru says it’s because they’re both brats
Boss Battle (that he definitely 100% played):
KH2 Sora v Sephiroth or DDD Riku v YMX [I couldn’t decide which one to list]
Opening:
KH3
Moments/Tidbits:
Involving Fave Trio:
All Three:
KH2
Kairi “calling Riku tf out” ultimately leading to the reunion
KH3
Riku talking with Rep on the beach, Kairi and Sora sees him sitting there by himself
Sora:
KH1
Sora giving his goofy smile before plunging a keyblade into his chest
KH3
Sora dropping down to protect Riku from Dark Aqua in the nick of time
Riku:
DDD
That Riku just subconsciously became a dream eater
KH3
Riku taking a stand against the heartless despite just about all hope being lost
Kairi:
KH2:
Kairi(and Namine) preparing to fight Saix and the berserker nobodies with their bare hands
KH3 Re:Mind
Kairi getting a surprise attack in on Xemnas
Involving someone other than Fave Trio:
KH3
Yeetus Vanitas
Woody roasting YMX
DDD
YMX & Vanitas spouting “nonsense” at Sora
Lea showing up and Donald & Goofy dropping from the sky, ultimately coming to the rescue
UX
Star ready to square up with the Foretellers
mainly in reference to the Star v Ira speech/scene/fight but the Aced one too
Commonly Quoted(?) Lines from the English Translation: “Mickey it’s Riku, they put bugs in him!” & “Thank you Sora’s heart”
Final things of note:
Always plays on proud mode from the get-go
Not really a completion-ist but does have just about every trophy earned on DDD
Didn’t know you could lose to Yozora in the battle against him
Probably actually more of a Final Fantasy fan than KH, or at least got into KH because the Final Fantasy appearances
Bonus Convos:
Demyx:
Itaru: Yea, I can’t figure out Luxord, for Demyx I’ve seen people guess his name as Myde.
Banri: lol I like the theory that his name is Demyx and he just wandered into the Organization
Citron: That one is funny, but as far as likelyness goes I like to think his name is Demy and they just slapped an x at the end.
Banri: The laziest naming.
Citron: Exactly!
[and then Banri and Citron start talking about Demyx and it somehow leads them to talking about Goofy’s “death” in KH2 and now they’re talking about KH memes and jokes and Itaru just wanted to know if they had any thoughts on Luxord’s name.]
Vanitas vs Aqua:
Banri: *(possibly somewhat jokingly) insinuates Vanitas is as strong but probably stronger than Aqua*
Citron: *gasp* No!! He is not.
Banri: Really? Then how come he almost took Aqua out?
Citron[genuinely loves Vanitas]: He is a rat! He cannot beat Aqua in a fair fight!
Itaru: I believe he means brat.
Citron: No!! I mean rat, feral ferret child! Can only beat Aqua after biting her and giving her rabies! And even then, she still has at least a week to destroy him.
Itaru: lol that’s quite the metaphor.
Banri: I... *got lost* ???
Itaru: He’s saying Vanitas can only use dirty tricks to even get close to beating Aqua.
Banri: ???
Citron: If Vanitas could beat her he wouldn’t have to result to tricks like firing at Ven, which she was already off her A-game then mind you. But honestly, if Vanitas can’t even get close to beating Terra what hope does he have to actually beat Aqua. I can vouch that he can’t beat Terra. I beat the Terra v Xehanort and Vanitas battle by whacking Vanitas around. It was really easy. Vanitas has only beaten Ven in a fair fight. He’s not nearly as strong as Terra and Aqua. It’s demonstrated through their elements, really. Vanitas is fire...
Banri: *stressed, wasn’t expecting a whole lecture, looks to Itaru for help*
Itaru: *nodding along listening to what Citron has to say*
So yeah those are some of my headcanons involving KH and CitoIta (and Banri with minor Mankai mentions.) If anyone wants to do Taichi(who idk could play already, while I haven’t picked any out I know what type of moments would be his faves, I just can’t figure out yet if he prefers characters he relates to or characters he thinks are cool/want to be like) or Kumon (who I’d feel would want to start after seeing them enjoy it, bet Banri and Citron would have him play chronologically by timeline rather than release order “for science”) or any other characters, really, I’d gladly read it. I can see Taichi & Kumon playing KH but I don’t feel like I know them well enough to do this with them lol. I’m not even sure I know Banri well even to this with him but I attempted it lol. If there’s any questions about my decisions I might answer them, some are easier to put into words than others though.
Anywho, I dunno how to end this post tbh. Ship CitoIta, Play Kingdom Hearts. idk.
Thanks for reading all of my nonsense lol.
#(Kh & A3!)#a3!#Citron a3#Itaru Chigasaki#Banri Settsu#I put a lot of thought into this actually#even the ones that don't have extra notes w/ them#okay I also projected a bit but that doesn't change anything#but I didn't project that much bcuz how did I not find a reason to make any of their fave Ven? like???#long post#headcanons#act addict actors#would you believe if i said there was more i considered mentioning but decided not to#bcuz there was lol#but some things were difficult to decide#maybe I'll do this with other games i've played#idk we'll see#should i tag this citoita? I mean it's implied citoita#dating? idk. but definitely implied#posting this many months after creation somewhat wishing I had taken notes#I remember some stuff but oof#I'll take notes as I remember more details lol#but look!#I'm putting my Citron thoughts on display#are you proud of me? :3#part of my motivation to post this is the fact that there is a crossover in kh and a3 fans#and that makes me want to do something with them both#i haven't come up with anything new tho so I just hope this post I started back in April is a solid offering#I have made edits since I initially made the post btw#so it does look a little different from when I drafted it
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#i've seen 3 doctors about the same issue in the past couple of months#and i keep thinking about their different ways of responding and how much of an impact it's had on me#and my mental health and my way of responding to that issue#and i just have to say it's pretty ironic that the 'specialist' was the one who had the most unsatisfying response#and the young doctor who was on call at the hospital on fucking christmas eve was actually the most empathetic and helpful one#and was basically the first medical practitioner in my life who saw my issues as actual chronic pain#and didn't make me feel like i was overreacting and being weak and whiny#maybe she'd been trained on ableism idk but i'm very grateful to her for taking me seriously#and offering actual fucking solutions to at least deal with my anxiety#in other news i have a job interview on wednesday :) just a 2 month contract but at this point i'll take anything
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Currently trying to figure out how to lightly tell my parents that I am extremely anxious to get Behind The Wheel (as in the thought makes me extremely fearful and not I'm itching to go on a 5 hour drive) and I'd really like Actual Driving Lessons from someone who's Job Is To Teach That. Not that I don't think my dad is a bad driver, but I don't really want my grandpa teaching me =_=
#idk. i feel bad for not driving the moment i got my permit its edging closer to a month with no time behind the wheel. i can have the permit#for 2 years iirc per my states laws before i need to renew it (retake the written test) which i dont want to do. but i cant. findit in me to#ask my grandpa to take me driving. i should I just. hhhng. idk#i dont know. i don't even know if driving schools offer like months of one-on-one teaching. they'd make me look all this up on my own. they#probably don't. maybe im overthinking this by a ton =_=#i would like some experience with a better qualified person before i start asking to drive around to further my skills I guess. i need some#ne whos going 2 be able to handle my stupid anxious ass before I jump to drive for errands and stuff#elias howls#idk. I'm probably being stupid and overthinking everything. I'll draft a text in a few days I guess
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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔
#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice#and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me#and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also#and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then#and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview#i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday#so i wont literally have to take time off for it#and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early#either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something#but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol#but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no#compared to a few months later#they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good#idkkk#my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break#the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate#but i literally dont care its such a better working environment#and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months#and the work will be so much easier#and the commute#and i Definitely know i can work with my friend#vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly#anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now#but i really hope they give me another chance#also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol#this has been a shitpost
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have just been informed that a family friend got either an unknown number of fingers or his whole HAND torn off in a construction accident recently???? like two weeks ago recently???? and my best friend's dad was there for it?? and they had to FLY HIM OUT ON A HELICOPTER? AND I HAD NO IDEA THIS HAPPENED EVEN THOUGH I LIVE LIKE 900 METERS FROM WHERE IT OCCURRED?
#WHAT CAN YOU BRING SOMEONE WHO HAS MAYBE LOST A LIMB. HELLO#he's so kind and nice and he always thinks about everyone else first. i wanna bring him a lil get well soon thingy but idk what!!!!#the only thing i can offer is alcohol but i'll take a guess and say that he's probably on a lot of meds rn#like. can i get him. food. sir what do you NEED#rayrambles
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got my last final project turned in last night... now all I can do is hope that I pass everything. and also packing up
#psii.txt#moving out is always so bittersweet#more bitter than sweet this time though#because if all goes well (if I pass all my classes and graduate) I won't be coming back#but... then what#job hunting I guess. wish I knew more about how to do that#really hope I'll be. able to#I want to get a job and my own place and stuff. but it's so scary#such a big step to take and I still don't feel like I'm ready#my parents think I could get a job offer needing/worth moving across the country for#I'm not that confident#maybe I'm just feeling burnt out. idk#I don't feel like I'm ready for this#but maybe I'll feel more ready once I'm getting regular amounts of sleep again and don't have all the stress of classes hanging over my head#hopefully
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taking a creative writing intro course this fall and i’m so, so excited!!!!
#.txt#it definitely wasn't in the books but the other two courses i had slotted aren't going to work until the spring so i chose it as a filler#and then got really attached to it#first had to submit to the humiliating ordeal of confirming it was a personal interest course to my advisor but she was chill with it haha#(bc she was pushing for me to take another course that's only offered in the fall but i said maybe next year because i'm already taking two#other language courses) (it's too complicated for the tags)#i'm just genuinely so so excited#hoping it will consistently inspire me to write + i'll feel a little more learned#since i loved creative writing in high school but the first year of college was just crazy insane busy (which is kind of the vibe for my#future endeavors as well because almost full time work full time school ahahah)#of course scared that i'll have hardcore imposter syndrome and everyone else will be better writers and talented and passionate#which i want! but it also makes me feel a sort of weird vibe idk i know i'm good at writing. but the technical aspect is tricky#plus there's also weird feelings about childhood dreams -#as in i always wanted to be a writer but i learned to bite down on that dream because obviously it wasn't going to work out#so sometimes i feel like i failed myself by giving up on my dream even though i didn't really?#because studying something else was the practical choice for ensuring i have more prospects for career etc#plus i do like what i'm studying now#but writing was just what i always wanted you know#so i guess i can reclaim it a little now#school starts in two days though. haha *dies*
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I just got an offer to be a public defender :)
#I don't know if I'll take it#I had accepted that I wasn't gonna get an offer (which was insane bc I'm top 10% of my class and they always need people)#and I was like maybe I'll just fuck around for a bit#but#now I have to decide by Tuesday#and idk what to dooooo#elle speaks
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Socialisation is key, i really am just like a bunny
#felt genuinely happy and all i did was go over to my friend's flat between our lessons since she rents close by#and we had coffee and talked ab our failed loves and laughed so much and awughhhhhh#i've really been feeling off these past few months but especially these past two weeks#i don't wanna say it but i just felt like i had no meaning#and hanging out and having fun and doing paid work really managed to make me feel a bit better#and like i actually am a human being with some sort of purpose#even if it is to offer cheap and quick last minute translations or a ''DON'T FALL FOR HIM'' through laughter#sighs#idk. maybe i shouldn't let myself get consumed with anxiety and ''if i fail this then this will happen which will lead to this and that so#essentially if i fail this minor thing i'll fuck everything up and there'll be no fixing it'' but that's easier said than done#i can always distract myself tho and just do my best#i think it was during that coffee that i thought ''okay so even if i fail an exam or two - i can take them during the autumn. i don't have#to pass everything on time - few first years do - and i will still be able to rest between summer and autumn dates#so it's not like i'll be a lost cause if i don't pass everything by july's end'' but. it's still hard to think of it#but we'll see. in God's hands#we also laughed a lot bc i mentioned being religious and she went ''YOU?!'' hdbsbsbsjdjd😭😭.... is that so shocking.........
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