#but man came to work sick. walked 4 miles on his lunch break. and is now gonna go home and get on the stationary bike for hours

[appleciders]

begging my male coworkers to develop coping mechanisms that aren't exercise

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

Emergency! Part 3

Summary: A woman comes back from her trip from Asia but isn’t feeling the best. And is rushed to the hospital. Her symptoms are that of the flue, but worse than. The virus spreads throughout the hospital, Jack falls ill collapsing in the break room. Dean falls ill on a rescue, Cas having to rescue the original victim and his partner. The reader, having to sit by and wait and pray for her friends pull through. But turns out the original patient with the virus got better, now her body has the antibodies to fight the virus.

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean x Nurse!Reader

Word Count: 4,262

Warnings: Scary Situations, Language, Mild Angst, Fluff.

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

a/n: I could use the corona virus or COVID-19 but decided to use the virus used in the Emergency! Episode of the same name. The virus being a strain of the Asian flu during a bad outbreak in the late 60’s. Also the drugs and measure mentioned are probably not accurate, I’m not a pharmacist.

a/n2: D.O.N = Director of Nursing, DOA = Dead on Arrival, BP = Blood Pressure, O2 Sat = Oxygen Saturation

~

“Dean,” Cas says, walking into the fire stations garage.

Dean was logging supplies in the squad truck when he heard Cas enter and got his attention.

“What’s up Cas?”

“When you started dating Y/N, when did you know she was the one?”

“What do you mean?”

“I really like Meg, and when she was taking care of me after that accident of mine I found that she and I have a lot in common and I want to know her more?”

“Well, Cas, it’s different for other people. Just ask Meg out. Talk to her, find out stuff about her that she likes, hates, and if you can find yourself still able to love her despite her flaws. Keep it going. Keep taking her out.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“Nothing in life is simple man.”

Cas nods in agreement.

The alarm sounded in the station.

“Squad 51, someone sick. Respond. 226 south Jasper’s Avenue, cross street South Walker boulevard.”

“Back at it again.” Cas says.

“Let’s hit it.”

Dean getting into his usual spot in the squad, revving the engine to life and heading to the location.

When they arrived, another station had arrived originally.

Dean and Cas gathered their tools and headed into the residence.

“Chuck, what do you got?” Cas asked.

“Kelly McMeyers, 22, her dad said she was fine at breakfast.”

They followed Fireman Chuck through the house to the girl’s bedroom to find her on her bed, sweating, pale and in obvious discomfort and pain.

Dean placed a hand on her head.

“She’s burning up, Cas, get the thermometer.”

Cas did as told handing the thermometer to Dean.

Dean placed in the girls mouth, under her tongue. Cas handing him the blood pressure cuff.

Dean began checking her Blood pressure.

“Get the radio, we need to tell the hospital.” Dean orders.

Cas, pulls out the radio of it’s holster on his belt.

“Rampart, this is rescue 51. Rampart this is rescue five one.” Cas radios in.

 It was a normal slow day at the hospital, y/n having finished her charting, getting reading for her lunch break.

“Rampart this is rescue 51,” she heard Cas’s voice over the radio.  “Rampart this is rescue Five one.”

She picks up the hand piece to the hospital’s radio to respond.

“Go ahead 51.”

“Rampart we have a female, Kelly McMeyers, 22 years of age.” Cas transmits.

 “BP is 129 over 80, O2 Saturation is…”

Dean places a hand over her chest, watching it rise and fall. Counting in his head. But scolding with the low number he came up with.

“Did you pack the pulse Oximeter?”

“I did.” Cas says, handing it to him.

“I got to double check before I give you the wrong number.”

Dean turned on the device, and placing it on her finger.

“Still reading low, O2 Sat, 85.” Dean says.

“O2 sat is 85. Temperature is coming up…”

Dean pulls out the thermometer.”

“105.” He reads.

“Temperature is 105.”

 y/n was shocked she had a temperature that high.

“51, standby, a doctor will be with you shortly.”

“10-4.”

 “I just don’t understand, she was fine at breakfast, it happened so suddenly.” The girl’s father expressed.

“Some of these things do happen rather quickly.”

“Could be the Asian Flu?” Chuck suggests. Playing with the girl’s pet monkey.

“Well, let’s not jump to any conclusions until a doctor can see her.” Cas says.

“Kelly, sweetheart, can you hear me?” Dean asks.

The girl nods groggily.

“She’s really drowsy.” Cas mentions.

“Kelly, are you in any pain at all?” Dean asks.

“My head hurts, my chest hurts too.” She whines.

“She threw up a bit before you got here Winchester.” Chuck mentions.

 “51, this is doctor Singer.”

“Rampart, we have new information, patient is experiencing head and chest pain, she’s drowsy and vomited a few times before we arrived.”

“Alright, start IV, lidocaine, two milligrams. And just in case what she has is contagious keep contact with the patient to an absolute minimum.”

“10-4 Rampart.” Cas says.

“I’ll get the IV going, if you want to get the ambulance here Chuck.”

“Already ahead of you, they should be here by now.”

Sirens are heard in the distance, as if on cue.

“How about that timing?” Cas says.

“Alright, she’s set, lets get her to the hospital.” Dean says.

Just as more paramedics came in, Dean grabbed the equipment as Cas walked out with the patient.

Chuck still petting the monkey.

“I love monkeys, bet he’d be a cute pet to have.” He says.

“Yeah, but they’re not meant to be pets Chuck.”

“Yeah, I know. But, cute little guy, isn’t he?”

The monkey sat on his pole that stood in the room. And the monkey started walking over to Dean, walking on his shoulder, messing with his hat.

“Hey, stop,” he told the monkey while trying to shake him off gently.

The monkey got back on his pole as Dean walked out to the squad.

 At the hospital, Y/N, Doctor Singer assisted in the patient, Kelly McMeyer, as Doctor Singer preformed a spinal tap.

Just as he pulled out the needle, gathering spinal fluid, Doctor Kline walks in.

“What’d you got Bobby?”

“Possible strain of the flu, her symptoms are consistent with that of the Asian flu, but the incubation period is too fast. Her symptoms came up quick, she was fine at breakfast.”

“Do we know where she’s been lately?”

“All over southeast Asia, Kelly and her friends were part of her church’s mission trip in assisting kids in orphanages, and adoption homes. Fixing them up, helping kids get adopted. And her dad took her camping when she got back. Took her to the Black Hills in South Dakota.” y/n explained.

“That opens us up to a whole array of fevers, and of course flus. China is always riddled with noval viruses we’ve never seen nor dealt with. And of course, there’s ones we’ve dealt with her, rocky mountain spotted fever, lymes disease, or even parasitic infections. Fungal infections that could have originated from her camping trip.” Jack explained.

“Did Kelly have any kind of protection on either trip?” Jack asked.

“Her dad made sure she packed, bug spray, tick spray, and they had nets around their camp to prevent nats and other flying insects from getting in the tents.” Y/N says.

“So, in which case, we’re back to, what did she catch when she was in China. Because chances of her getting anything on the camping trip are slim I’m guessing.”

“Her dad was pretty adamant that they were covered for their trip. He didn’t want anyone getting sick.”

Jack nods.

“Let’s get some blood work, see if we can’t find the answer in there.”

“You got it doctor.” y/n says, getting her hands sanitized, and ready to draw some blood.

 “Dean, your shift was done an hour ago, go home!” His father ordered.

“Just finishing up the logs for the day.”

“Cas can finish it up for you, he at least goes home in an hour. Now go.”

“Yes sir, you sure you got this man?” Dean asks.

“Dean, I got it. Go home and rest. See you in two days.”

Dean handed Cas the papers for logging their day, what all happened, their end result. He grabbed the keys to his Impala and drove on home.

He could tell he was exhausted. At a stop light he had to really will himself to stay awake just a few more miles.

But as he got to another stop light, he knew he was too tired to be driving.

Y/N’s apartment wasn’t far. He moved lanes before her street came up and Dean drove to her apartment. Giving her a call to make sure she was either up or home.

“Hey Handsome, how was your day?” she asked.

He could hear the background of the hospital.

“Exhausting. Are you still at work?”

“Yeah, another late one. Why? Are you in the area?” she asked. Sounding concerned.

“I’m really exhausted, and I don’t think I’m gonna make it home. I was thinking on crashing at your place.”

“You can stay there Dean; my key is by my hanging plant. I think your clothes from last time are still there.”

“Thanks baby, where would I be without you?”

“Dead in a ditch because you’ve run yourself ragged, now hurry to my place and get to bed. I’ll home when I can.”

“Love you sweetheart.” He says with a tired smile, pulling into her apartment complex.

“Love you more Winchester, sleep well.” She says.

He parked his car near where she parked. Walking up tiredly up to her apartment he found her key easily.

He headed inside, placing the key back but also locking up behind him as he got himself settled.

She had since gotten a new apartment since the plane crash; sure she was farther away from the hospital, but she was closer to him by several blocks.

He had gotten out of the shower, feeling a little bit better, but he climbed into his side in her bed. Pulling the covers over him, and falling fast asleep once his head hit the pillow.

She had hurried with her charting, her replacement nurse coming in late. But at least she showed up.

She hurried to her car to get on home.

She saw Dean’s car parked next to her spot on the street. She parked her car right behind his.

She quietly entered the apartment. Leaving the lights off she navigated to her room seeing his sleeping form in her bed. Sound asleep.

She made her shower quick and simple, washing off the stress of the day and relaxing enough so she could fall easily asleep.

She climbs into bed beside him. He tossed, turning towards her, wrapping his arms around her.

Poor dude was exhausted. But Dean was no fool, he loved being the little spoon. Maybe too much. But when it was her, he didn’t care too much.

 Days followed, and the original patient began to go downhill. Her fever wasn’t breaking.

Y/N had finished getting Kelly’s vitals, updated her chart. She headed back out to the nurses station when she saw an ambulance dropping off a new patient.

“What do we have?” she asked.

“Fireman, Chuck Shirley. Stricken with a fever, 104 temp, slightly elevated BP.” One of the paramedics informed.

“He was fine at lunch time.” His wife said behind the paramedics.

“Are you his wife?” Y/N asked.

“I am, my name’s Becky.”

“Okay, I’ll escort you to the waiting room. I’ll keep you informed of your husbands situation.” y/n told her.

Becky nodded, and she was lead to the waiting room. Y/N walked back into one of the exam rooms.

Hours passed as the doctors looked over Chuck, they learned one thing in common.

He responded to Kelly McMeyers.

“I want everyone who responded to get checked out. Clearly we are up against something contagious.” Jack orders.

“I’ll get right on it.” y/n says.

 As the day wore on, Y/N had called all the stations that responded, the ambulance and even called up her boyfriend personally.

“Afternoon beautiful.” Dean answers.

“Hey babe, you responded on the Kelly McMeyers right?”

“I did, me and Cas both, why?”

“Chuck Shirley is sick with the same symptoms as Kelly, and Dr. Kline has ordered you two to come in and get checked out.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Dean, Chuck looked bad. Come in, please.” She practically whined.

“Okay, I will. Don’t worry sweetheart. I have to come down for supplies anyway, I’ll bring Cas along.”

“Thank you. See you soon.”

Just as Dean and Cas left the hospital after giving their blood samples to be checked for any virus or uprising in white blood cell count. Questions rose to how and where the original patient got sick.

“Whatever this Kelly chick has must be bad.” Dean says as he drove back to the station.

“Must be, if she didn’t get while camping then where?” Cas asks.

For a beat there was a pause.

“The same place where she got her pet monkey.” Cas says.

“You really think that monkey is the carrier?” Dean asks, unsure.

“Think about it Dean. It’s always animals in other countries that carry all these scary viruses. Swine flu came from pigs. Avian flu came from birds. The Asian flu came from, well, Asia but it was ducks. What if, this monkey one of those viruses and was somehow able to transmit it overseas?” Cas explained.

“You should really be a doctor something, damn Cas.” Dean says, impressed with the information Cas was able to share.

“Also think of the movie Outbreak.”

“Dude, that wasn’t even a real virus.”

“No, but it was a real situation that can really happen. It’s the worst case scenario. But it was a monkey carrying a mutated version of the virus.”

“I think you’re onto something Cas.” Dean says, digging around in his pockets.

“Here, call my girlfriend, tell her what you told me.”

“Okay.” Cas says.

 “Hello?”

“Y/N, it’s Cas, you got a minute?”

“How’s Dean?” she asked concerned right away.

“Oh, he’s fine, we were just talking about the victims. She brought home a pet monkey from China. And Chuck was playing with it.”

“That is actually something Cas, thanks. Is there anything else we need to know?”

“Not really, but just for the fact that this monkey might carry a virus that could kill Kelly and our friend.”

“And you’re spot on, on that. I’ll tell Jack and Bobby. Thanks Cas.”

 At the hospital, the two doctors were at the nurses station when Cas called. Their attention on her when she seemed surprised with the information he given her.

“Cas of squad 51 just told me Kelly brought home a pet monkey from China. And that Chuck played with it.”

“That’s something, Bobby, get someone to go with Kelly’s dad back to his house. Get the monkey and bring the little guy in.”

“You got it Jack.”

 Cas had handed Dean his phone back.

“You know, Cas,” he says.

Cas doesn’t say anything but has his attention.

“I kind of played with the monkey too.”

 The next following day, Kelly was slowly getting better. But Chuck was taking a turn for the worse. His fever wasn’t breaking.

Jack goes into Kelly’s room to talk to her about her monkey.

A nurse was already in the room taking care of her.

“Abaddon why aren’t you wearing your mask?”

“Oh, sorry Doctor its just—”

“No excuses, you’re taking an unnecessary risk. Not only would you be putting your life at risk, you’re putting everyone else’s lives at risk as well.”

With that she put her mask over her mouth and nose.

“Kelly,” Jack says.

She opened her eyes slowly giving the doctor his attention.

“We got your pet down in the lab. Now, was he ever sick when you had him?”

“Yes, just after I bought him. He had a bad cold, and threw up a bit too.”

“Well in order to help the fireman, and you as well, we may have to put him down so we can perform an autopsy.”

“No, you can’t!” she cried. “I don’t know what I’d do without Oreo!”

“Kelly, it’s the only chance we have at saving lives.”

The tears that built up in the girls eyes fell. Jack took his gloved finger by her cheek, brushing away the tears that fell.

“If you’re right about that,” she swallows thickly. “Then you can take Oreo.”

“Could help you too Kelly.” Abaddon says.

“I know.”

Jack gave a sad smile through his mask.

He doffed off his PPE by the door and left her room to give the go ahead.

 “Dean, we have a group of kids from Jefferson Elementary School to come in for a tour, can you help Gabe clean up the garage real quick.”

“Dad, I’m really exhausted, can you get Cas to do it?”

“It’s not like you to complain, come on now. He’s busy with the logs, come on it won’t take long.”

The alarm sounded.

“Never mind.” John says.

“Station 51, medical emergency. At the top of the Wells Fargo bank at 5535 Woodland Boulevard. Cross street Jackson Avenue.”

The men and women at station 51 jumped into action.

 At the location they climbed up the stairs after they reached the max floor the elevator would allow to go.

“What happened?” John asked one of the men working on the roof.

“Jimmy was over the edge cleaning the windows and he let out a yell, and I saw him collapse. I tried getting him on this thing but it’s jammed.”

“We’ll get him, we’ll hoist one of my paramedics down to get a line on him and we’ll bring him up.” John assured.

“I’ll go.” Dean says.

“Why don’t we just swing the lift through a window?” Cas asks.

“There wouldn’t be a safe way to do it. Just, get me down to him. Drop a line for him and he’ll be up here before you can say Bobs your uncle.” Dean says.

“Just be careful man.” Cas says.

“I will dude.”

Dean has the ropes around him, his harness, Gabe, Michael and Raphael anchored his rope as they helped lower him down.

“Okay, more slack!” Dean shouts as he got closer to the victim.

He got safely on to the lift and began to work the rope around the victim so they could lift him up.

But Dean’s vision began to spin. His hands came up to hold the support of the lift.

“Dean, you okay!?” Cas shouts from the ledge.

“Yeah!”

Dean hurries to get the rope around the victim and tries to work on tying the knot.

His dizziness got worse, and worse. Just as he was about to ask for help, Dean passes out.

His body falling off of the lift, and hangs by his harness off of the ledge.

“Try lifting him up a bit!” Cas ordered.

The three brothers tried pulling the rope slightly.

Cas could see Dean wasn’t getting any higher.

“No, stop, he’s tangled. I’m gonna have to head down there.” Cas says.

He heads over to Charlie who handed him some rope, getting the lopes around him, and working his harness on.

Cas hurries over the ledge.

Gabe, Michael, and Raphael tied Dean’s rope to hold him steady as they lowered Cas down to the lift.

“More slack!” Cas ordered as he got closer.  

Cas removed his work gloves to check the victims pulse.

“He’s in full cardiac arrest!” Cas shouts out, communicating.

Cas finishes what Dean had going. Connecting the loops around the victims arms and legs making a makeshift harness.

“Okay, lift him up!” Cas calls out.

The victim slowly rising as Gab, Michael and Raphael pulled the rope lifting the victim up.

“Dean, can you hear me man?” Cas asked, trying to lift Dean onto the lift.

He didn’t respond. He was out cold.

Cas furrowed his brow as he grew concerned for his friend.

“Okay, lift him up!” Cas ordered.

Cas seen the original victim made it over the ledge safely. And Dean began to slowly rise up to the top.

Once everyone was safely up, they got Cas up as well.

Cas helped with the cardiac victim while Charlie and the others assisted with Dean.

 Y/N sat at the nurses station charting her days work about ready to head home when an ambulance and squad approached the door.

She quickly typed up her report, saving it and sending it to her Director, she went to assist the paramedics.

Her heart dropped when she saw one of the patients being wheeled in.

“Dean.”

“Patient one was DOA, heart attack. Dean has a fever of 104.” Cas says.

“Okay, there’s an exam room open, lets get him in there. I’ll page Dr. Singer.”

“Where’s Jack?” Cas asked.

“He’s sick too. He was about to treat Kelly and Chuck when he collapsed. His fever is 103 and climbing.”

“How is Chuck?”

“Not doing well. Let’s focus on Dean please.” Y/N said, keeping the tears of fear at bay.

 Dean was all settled in a room later that night.

“Y/N.” Bobby says as he entered Dean’s room.

“Dr. Singer.”

“Your director doesn’t want you treating him. It’s against ethics.”

“I know. I’m off the clock.”

“Then what are you still doing here?”

“Oh, forgive me for staying by my boyfriend’s side.”

“Y/N, you’re D.O.N is on the other side of the this door. Relax.” He whispered.

“Bobby, I can’t think straight right now. I want to stay by his side, if that’s alright.”

“You can’t just stop everything because he’s sick. The CDC got back to us on the virus, you know this. It’s a strain of the Asian flu, a newer mutated strain. We have a drug we can use.”

She sighs, rubbing her face hard, trying to not get frustrated with herself.

“I know. I just want to know he’s going to be okay is all.”

“You love him. I know. But you have to still live life. Because that don’t stop. You got to keep going kid.”

She nods. “I’m guessing I can’t stay with him due to isolation protocol.”

“You got it. but once he’s better, you can.” She nods again.

“Please, keep me in the loop with him.”

“I’m sure Meg will. Cas was already on her case about him.”

She chuckles with a nod.

“Go home and rest. He’ll still be here tomorrow.”

She nods, leaving with a slump in her shoulders. Heading to her car. Driving quietly home.

It wasn’t until she got out of her shower, and laid in her empty bed did she let her walls come crumbling down.

A sob escaped from her, shaking her to her core.

“God, Dean. Please be okay.” She sobbed.

 The next day, she heads into work trying to focus on her patients.

She learned from one of the over night nurses that Chuck passed away.

Her anxiety already being high enough with her boyfriend being sick with the same virus, but the same virus that killed a fireman.

She headed up to Dean’s room where Meg walked out. Sweating after being in her PPE for some period of time.

“How is he?” she asks.

“Not good. His fever is not even breaking. He had the first 100 Milligrams of Idoxuridine.”

“Has it been two hours?”

“Close, it’s been about an hour and fifty minutes since last dose.”

“Give him another dose of it. Same for Jack if he’s not getting better.”

“Sure thing, I’m sure Bobby will understand.”

Y/N nodded as Meg went back inside to give Dean another dose of the drug.

Y/N headed back to the nurses station to chart her first half of the shift when her D.O.N approached the desk.

“Y/N, I was told you were by Dean’s room yet again. This time on the clock.”

“Sorry Jody, I just—”

“It’s okay, really. Bobby can be a hard ass sometimes, and I know I can be too. But my husband gets sick really easily. And I’d do the same thing you’re doing.” She says.

“Thank you…” she hesitates.

“I have your replacement coming in so you can see him and be with him. Once Donna gets here, go to him.”

“Thank you, thank you.” She says, as tears rise to the surface.

“It’s not a problem.” Jody smiles.

 Days pass as the doctors and nursing staff cared for Dean and Jack for the virus.

Y/N stayed day and night, her D.O.N giving her the week off on FMLA.

She had lost track of the days when she finally allowed herself to sleep.

Kelly was fully recovered and the doctors and nursing staff encouraged her to donate some blood so they can use her antibodies in her blood to donate to Dean and Jack so they have a fighting chance.

His fever finally broke, he was getting better. She could close her eyes and he’d still be there.

She woke that night to a hand on her head, playing with her hair.

She stirred awake to find Dean awake and well.

“Hey.” She says tiredly.

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” He answers. “Babe, did you stay here all day?”

“Dean, it’s been a week. You’ve been out for a week.”

“Damn…but still, you’ve been here all week?”

“Yes. You scared me.” She says. Taking his hand and placing it on her cheek.

His thumb brushing against her cheekbone. Catching a tear that fell.

“Well I’m sorry for scaring you. But you’re worrying me, did you take care of yourself while you were here?”

“Not really. Haven’t been hungry. I’m not sick or anything.”

“I know, you’ve told me that you’ll get this way. Either in a good way, like an innocent way of binging your favorite show and forgot to eat. Or in a bad way, like this.”

“Let me get Meg and tell her you’re awake.”

Just as she says that, Meg comes walking in.

“Jack’s awake…oh Dean’s awake too.” She says.

“Yeah, he is.” Y/N Says tiredly.

“I’ll get Dr. Singer so we can see when you can go home. And get Y/N to a bed, she hasn’t slept much since she stayed here.”

“Really, not eating or sleeping.”

“She was worked up. who could blame her?” Meg asked.

“True.”

Meg left the room to get Bobby.

Dean not saying a word, pulls Y/N’s arm guiding her in the bed with him.

She happily got in, curling into his side.

He felt a residual tremble shudder through her body.

“Shh, I’m here baby. I’m not going anywhere.” He says.

Not even a tiny virus would tear up this team.

~

A/N: Did you enjoy? How are you liking it so far? Favorites yet? Feedback is fuel and much appreciated. :3

~

Dean Girls:

@pandazombie69​, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @jayankles​, @jeaniespiehs20​, @mlovesstories​, @akshi8278​, @flamencodiva​, @anotherspnfanfic​, @megzdoodle​, @lyarr24​

~

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[twinkleimagines]

✨This one time at band camp✨

Summary: you and Tom have been band buddies since middle school and have made it to college together. You’re finally ready to confess your love for him when he meets someone else. Is it too late?

⚠️⭕️ ( smut and language included)

“Save me a seat would ya?” Tom yelled out while sticking a dollar in the vending machine right outside the band room.

“ sure thing Tom” you said while picking up your trumpet (you can pick what instrument you want) and Toms , heading out to the bus. “ it’s not like I have anyone else to sit with” you joked before exiting through the double doors outside. Your school was on its way to yours and Toms third year of band camp. It was a two week overnight stay at the camp to get as much practice in for the upcoming football season, but it was also your favorite thing ever because it gave you two weeks straight to be with Tom.

You’ve been in love with that brown eyed boy since freshman year . It felt as if it were meant to be. Your careers were in mostly the same paths, and he was your best friend. Nobody knew you like Tom. But he always had eyes for other people, girls that looked nothing like you. He even said one time that it was ‘ gross’ when someone asked if the two of you were a couple. After that , the idea of telling the truth was a no go.

You plopped down in your seat, grabbing out your tablet for you and Tom to share . You always watched movies together because the bus ride to camp was almost 4 hours long and it gave you an excuse to lay your head on him and fall asleep. You really wanted to tell him this yeah during band camp. You were worried about the friendship status and where it would go if he rejected you, but at the same time you couldn’t handle it anymore. You wanted him to love you more than just a best friend.

“ scoot” Tom said while putting his trumpet under the bus seat. “ did you bring any snacks?” He asked. You nodded unzipping one of the pockets on your duffel bag. Tom grinned real big before reaching in and grabbing him one. “ so what movie are we going to watch this time?” He asked looking over at you. God that sincere smile of his is just so calming. Sometimes you couldn’t believe such a beautiful guy was YOUR best friend.

“ they finally came out with the second amazing spider man” you said excitedly .     

“ I saw! Is that what we’re watching?” He beamed. You nodded before grabbing the tablet and putting the movie up.

Most of the ride to camp was silent . Tom was just innocently watching the movie but you couldn’t help but day dream the whole time. Your eyes constantly looking at his hands, up his arms, you’d look at his reflection in the tablet, watching his lips open slightly when an intense scene came on , or when he’d get uncomfortable he’d move around, looking over at you asking if you were okay. “ are you tired?” He whispered. You looked up nodding while yawning. “ well come here” he said pulling you towards him.you snuggled up against his chest , his arm wrapping over your shoulder. You felt him lay his head down on yours, his chest rising up and down as he took steady breaths. Before you knew it you were fast asleep.

“Y/n” you heard faintly . “Y/n” Tom said while slightly shaking your shoulder.

“ huh” you said sitting up some.

“Wake up we’re here” he said before standing up and stretching. You damn near drooled when you saw his shirt lift up, his happy trail showing , veins and abs. When did he get so ripped? You quickly looked away, grabbing your duffel bag before he noticed you staring.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this again for the third time” he beamed excitedly while looking out the window towards the buildings and field.

“ I know and we get to do it together “ you said looking at him, admiring his face, again.

“ well duh” he smirked before grabbing his stuff and walking down the aisle. It took you a minute to get off the bus, struggling to get your bags and instrument off , and by the time you got off Tom was no where in sight . You sighed in frustration. Tom always waits for you so you don’t lose each other. Where could he be?

You sat for a second , looking around before grabbing your phone out calling him.

“ hey” he answered.

“ where the heck did you go , you just left me here” you said semi jokingly butt hurt.

“ oh I’m by the C building, I had to meet up with someone. come over” he said. ‘C building ?’ You thought . That’s where the wood winds stay . What is he doing over there?

“ uhm okay? “ you responded before hanging up. It took you a minute before you got over ther, wondering who the hell he wanted you to meet. When you walked up though your heart sank.

Crystal, the most wanted girl in your band . She was a flute player, long perfectly soft wavy golden brown hair, teeth that sparkles in the light everytime she smiled, blue eyes that you could notice a mile away. And a flirtatious laugh. Don’t forget her perfect figure. You could see that Tom was blushing while talking to her and she kept playing with her hair.

‘ no no no’ you thought . This literally cannot be happening .

“ hey Tom “ you said while walking up to him. “ you ready to go put our stuff up? “ you asked trying your hardest to take the attention off of Crystal.

“ yeah just a sec, uh Y/n you remember Crystal?” He asked turning the attention right back to her.

“ hey y/n, I love your t-shirt!” She said overly nice. You knew it was fake without a doubt.

“ thanks “ you said with a fake smile. “ you play the flute right? “ you asked.

“ yup that’s me” she said smiling real big before flipping her hair . You looked at Tom who was looking at her in awe. He was mesmerized by her and it was honestly breaking your heart.

“ well I can see you guys are busy so I guess I’ll be on my way then” you said looking directly at Tom. He barely even acknowledged what you had said, just a quick yeah before starting a conversation with Crystal. You walked back to building B with your head down. Did you lose your opportunity to be with the person you truly loved? Has he found someone ? Tom had a handful of flings but he never looked at any of them the way he did Crystal.

It had been lunch time before you had heard from Tom again. The first day everyone really just spent the day roaming the area and having fun. You stood in line by yourself looking around At all the familiar and unfamiliar faces. This facility held all the surrounding college bands for their first two week practices so there were at least 3 different schools there.

“ thanks” you mumbled as you grabbed the tray from the lunch lady before finding an empty seat next to a couple of other kids. You were just so upset. How could he just drop you like that? You both always did everything together during band camp but because of this bimbo Crystal it was like you never existed.

You were picking around with your food when someone tapped your shoulder. It was Tom, thankfully.

“ y/n where were you ? We looked for you”

‘We?’ You thought . Sure enough walks up Crystal and another girl from the flute section and two guys from the drumline.

“ you were busy” you said glancing your eyes towards Crystal and her group before back at Tom.

“ no come sit with us “ he insisted. You hesitated for a second. You really didn’t want to sit and watch him and Crystal flirt but you wanted to be with Tom.

“ okay” you said grabbing your phone and tray before getting up and following them outside to a round table .

You sat directly across Tom, both flute girls sitting on the other side of him and you in between the drummers. They all conversated between themselves , laughter filling throughout the group. Crystal was mainly the center of attention the whole time, but you in the other hand just sat , listening. No one really even acknowledged that you were there.

Not even Tom. You started to feel sick to your stomach. This was not your crowd at all. You didn’t fit in. And you knew Crystal was only really interested in Tom because he had been working out and his body was maturing. She didn’t know him like you did though and that’s what upset you the most.

By the time the day was over with , you were in your bunk in tears. At this point it felt it like you had no one to spend band camp with . You had lost your best friend. He’s had girlfriends before but he never left you out like this before. You were almost asleep when you felt your phone vibrate under your pillow. It was Tom.

T: wyd?

Y: sleepin 😴 y?

T: well wake up and come outside😬

You could feel your heartbeat speeding up. Finally . You quickly put your t shirt on over your tank top and slipped on your tennis shoes before sneaking out before anyone could catch you.

“ boo!” Tom yelled while grabbing your arms.

“ damn you! “ you jumped , turning around to look at him. God he was just so beautiful.

“ I’ve missed you today why were you being so distant “ he asked while hugging you. You wanted to tell him but you didn’t want to sound like a possessive friend.

“ no reason I just wasnt really feeling all that good” you said pulling away from the hug. “ nerves kicking in I guess” you said shrugging it off.

“ oh. Welcome with me” he said grabbing your hand. “ I got a cool Hang out spot” he beamed while walking towards the field . Finally , you get to have Tom all to yourself. Maybe this would be the perfect time to really tell him how you fe-

‘What the fuck. ‘ you thought as you saw Crystal and her Group of friends sitting by the pond.

“ really Tom” you blurted out, unintentionally you pulled your hand away from him and start walking, causing him to turn around in confusion. 

“ what? What’s wrong?” He asked, putting his hand on your arm. You sighed heavily . It’s too late now just go ahead and say it.

“I don’t even know these people” you said throwing your hand up towards the group .

“ I know that’s the whole point of bringing you here so you could get to know them” he said excitedly, as if he had some great big plan. You scoffed crossing your arms looking away from him. “ look Crystal and I started talking at the end of the school year last year and we hung out a few times over the summer . I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t know if anything was going to come out of it but then these last couple of weeks things started escalating and .. well I really really like her and you won’t even give her a chance” he said pulling you closer towards him. You could feel the lump forming in the back of your throat. This was all wrong. This wasn’t how the weekend was suppose to go.

“Hey..” he said, lifting your chin up as a tear fell down your cheek. “ why are you crying y/n ? What’s wrong?” He asked sincerely worried.

“ because I can’t do this” you cried out, your voice trembling.

“ what? Do what? What are you talking about y/n?” He said stepping back from you, confusion written over his face.

“ I love you “ you cried out , your voice cracking while more tears started pouring down your face.

“ y/n I love you too I - I don’t understand what’s wrong” he said , panicking.

“ no Tom I love you” you explained, throwing your hands down . He stopped and stared at you with his eyes wide, finally realizing what you were insinuating. “ I’ve been in love with you for years now but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship” you said softly while losing your head. “ I was going to tell you but then you showed up with perfect Crystal and it was like you had no time for me . “ you said looking back up at him, wiping some of your tears away. “ but it’s clear you don’t feel the same way about me “ you said shaking your head.

“Y/n..” he said softly reaching out for your hand but you quickly snatched it away.

“ and I’m sorry but I’m not going to sit here and just be a third wheel to your new relationship. It’s clear you don’t need me anymore” you said looking back at him. “ you’ve got your other friends now”. You stated before turning around walking away. You heard him call your name a few times but you kept walking. You couldn’t bare it anymore.

*To be continued *

[kpop---scenarios]

The Right One

Genre: Frat/College AU! Bestfriends brother! Enemies to lovers!

Warning: Smut, Cheating, Violence, Drinking 

Pairing: Wong Yukhei x Reader

Word Count:  7.6k Moodboard by the lovely: @lovely-kpopp-blog

You had only ever met one man truly worth loving. Who would have ever thought it would be your best friends brother?

Starting high school is hard for anyone, but it’s even harder when you know absolutely no one there, due to being new. Majority of these kids grew up together, they’ve been friends for year and here you are, coming in, trying to be friends with people. The first few months were horrible. You sat alone at lunch time, when the teacher would announce a project that you had to pair up with someone for, you were left to do everything by yourself. You were always left to defend yourself from the typical high school means girls too. They spread rumors about you, locked you in the bathroom stalls, pushed you around during breaks from class.

Finally, the day you felt like you couldn’t take it any longer, they had smacked the books from your hands before kicking them down the hall and pushing you to the ground. The girls stood there, laughing and pointing at you as you fought to keep your tears at bay. You were angry, no not angry, you were furious. Just as you were about to stand up, and stand up for yourself you heard a loud voice from down the hall.

“Hey!” the voice yelled. “I’m so sick of you stupid cunts always picking on people. She hasn’t done anything to you, so back the fuck off" the girl snarls, offering you a hand to help you up.

The girls who had been bullying you, walked away looking rather offended. You were thankful she stood up for you, but now you felt like thing were going to be much worse for you. It was almost like she had read your mind.

“Don’t worry about them. I’ve got your back, and I’m going to teach you how to throw a mean left hook for next time" she laughs, dragging you down the hall to pick up your books.

“I’m Mina" she says, handing you your books.

“Y/N" you reply with a smile.

“I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends, y/n. But you gotta toughen up" she says, nudging your shoulder as the two of you walked down the hall.

And she wasn’t wrong.

From that moment, the two of you had become inseparable. She also hadn’t been wrong about the group of girls coming back for revenge on you, and she had kept her word about having your back. The girls had tried to corner you in the lunch room as few weeks after the last incident. You smiled and laughed at the names they called you, not letting it bother you anymore. That just seemed to have pissed them off even more. When you shrugged your shoulders at the last insult, the main girl pushed you back into the wall. You had never wanted to truly fight someone, but Mina had been right. You needed to toughen up and now defend yourself.

Raising your fist, you swung before she had even realized what happened. You connected dead on with her jaw, sending her to the ground. She looked up at you with tears welling in her eyes as she ordered the two other girls to hit you. And that’s when Mina had come into the room. Even with all the kids in the lunchroom, surrounding the four of you, she managed to get through everyone and take one of the girls from you. Before the two if you had a chance to really do any damage to them, they both ran off with tears in their eyes. Their leader was still on the floor, holding their jaw. Squatting down, you look her in the eyes.

“Bully me again, and it’ll be worse next time. Understand?” you asked.

She scoffed before scrambling to get up and scurrying away. You and Mina quickly left the scene as well before any teachers came into the room and you got in trouble. Mina made the rest of the school year, and the years after that more than bearable. You didn’t know what you would do without her. The first time you had ever been to Mina’s house, you were quite shocked to know she had an older brother.

She had told you practically everything else about her life, but she failed to mention him. When you had asked her about him, she told you her friends usually became a disgusting boy-crazed mess when they were in his presence, so she tried to avoid having friends meet him or see him if she could. Fortunately for her, she didn’t have to worry about that with you.

You honestly found Yukhei Wong to be the most insufferable human on the planet. His lack of care for anyone besides himself made you want to vomit, really. He was moody, only wanted to party, drink and do whatever he did with girls who just fell into his lap. You honestly were surprised at the amount of girls who just stopped by Mina’s house asking for ‘Lucas’. She had explained to you that Lucas was her preferred name. You made a point to call him Yukhei whenever you had no choice but to interact with him. Although, you would have to admit that the glares he gave you when you used his real name rather than his preferred gave you a small amount of pleasure.

**

As the years went on, your distaste for Yukhei grew the more you saw him around school, the more you saw him around Mina’s, and he clearly felt the same. You were always catching him staring at you, leaving a room if you entered it, but basically just ignoring your general presence. It was fine with you, you weren’t there for him.

One night, you had decided to spend the night at Mina’s, since her parents had practically unofficially adopted you, and the two of you were watching a few horror movies in the living room. You could hear her parents harshly whispering in the kitchen, or trying to whisper about how Yukhei had been behaving lately. Things had turned for the worst with him. He wasn’t really drinking or partying any longer, but his attitude towards his parents horrible, he didn’t listen, his respect for anyone was nonexistent. Your eyes, along with Mina’s had widened at hearing the words “boarding school" come out of her father’s mouth.

The two of you had heard them discuss it before, off and on but this time it sounded as if they had been serious. You didn’t know if they would actually go through with it, so you went to sleep that night thinking nothing would happen. You were woken up in the morning by a few loud crashes, yelling and some crying.

“Mom! You can’t do this. You can’t just ship me off! I’m your son!” Yukhei yelled, as he tries to fight his father off of him. His dad was dragging him to the car as his mom just stood there crying, mumbling that she was sorry and it needed to be done.

You would always remember the look on Yukhei’s face as their dad drove away to the train station. The look of utter betrayal would forever be etched in your mind. That was last time you had seen Yukhei Wong. Mina never really spoke to you about him, and frankly you didn’t care enough to ask her. After the two of you had graduated, she had been accepted into a prestigious school in America, while you had been accepted into the University of Seoul. You two still spoke everyday, face timed often and she was back in Seoul to see her family and you as much as she could be. She had always been the one to tell you whether or not a guy was going to be right for you or not. Usually when she met them in person she was able to tell if you two were going to click or not and you always trusted her opinion on someone. You had never been good a figuring out if someone was good for you or not.

But now that she was thousands of miles away, you were left by yourself. Which is how you ended up in some less than ideal situations. In your first year of University, you had the misfortune of catching well known bad boy, Im Jaebum’s attention.

The two of you only lasted maybe 4 months. Jaebum seemed to have thought he was far too good for you. He was so attractive, girls always wanted him, blah blah. You knew things wouldn’t work out very well with him anyways. He really only talked about 3 things; girls, his frat and drinking. You needed someone who could hold a conversation for longer than 30 seconds before getting distracted by a pretty girl with a big ass.

You stayed single the rest of the year. You were in your second year currently, and you were still single but living with a couple of girlfriends off campus in a nice little apartment. The three of you got along great, and all respected eachothers privacy. Especially when someone would bring a guy home. You either locked yourself away in your room or went to the library by yourself to study.

**

It was Saturday, and you had picked up a shift at the local café for the afternoon. Your shift was almost done and you were ready to head home, change into some pyjamas and binge watch a new drama that had just come out. Unfortunately for you, your roommates had other plans for you, and bum rushed you before you even got through the door.

“Hurry up and get ready" Soomi told you, excitedly.

“Why?” you groaned.

“We were invited to the NCT frat party!” Jisoo exclaimed.

You groaned. You didn’t really feel like partying tonight. Although, it had been a while since you had gone out and let loose. So maybe it wouldn’t actually be too bad?

“Fine. Let me get changed" you sigh, making your way to your room.

“Don’t be dressing all frumpy either!” Soomi yelled. You groaned again. There went your plans of being comfy. Thirty minutes later you emerge from your room wearing a tight pair of black leather high-waisted shorts with a cute white bralette. You had touched up your makeup, going for a more simpler look and tossing your hair into a cute messy bun.

“Girl, you look good" Jisoo smiles, grabbing your wrist to drag you out the door.

The three of you arrive, standing outside the NCT fraternity house. The music so loud in the house, you could feel the thumping of the bass all the way on the front lawn. People were littered outside the house, practically pouring out from the inside. A part of you was getting a little excited to go in now, wanting to enjoy the night. The three of you walk into the crowded house, smoke filling your lungs almost immediately. Jisoo is taken right away by a guy you’d never seen. Before you could turn to ask Soomi about it, she was whisked away by another unknown male, leaving you to fend for yourself. You needed to get drunk. You navigated your way to the kitchen with ease, pouring yourself a cup of whatever you could find, while also taking a couple shots. You were way too sober to be in a house full of extremely intoxicated people.

“Move" you hear from behind you, a vaguely familiar voice.

Spinning around, you’re met face to face with an older, surprisingly more attractive Wong Yukhei.

“Yukhei?” you ask, squinting your eyes to make sure it really is him.

“How do you know my name?” he growls, looking you in the eyes. After a second you can see his expression change from confused, to even more confused.

“Y/N?” he asks.

“It’s me.” You say, partially laughing.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, coldly. You can see his body tensed up immensely after he realized it was you.

“I was invited with my friends" you say, raising an eyebrow.

“Do you go to school here?” you ask.

“I run this frat, so yeah I do. I don’t really want to be wasting my night talking to my little sisters friend, so enjoy your night.” Yukhei says before walking away without another word. Still as big an asshole as ever.

Letting out a scoff,  you grab yourself another drink before moving yourself to the living room where majority of the people were. You scanned the room, trying to find one of your friends. They were no where to be found, you assumed they would be busy for a little bit longer. You tried to not be annoyed at your encounter with Yukhei, but you couldn’t help it.

Why had Mina never told you he went to your school? Why was he still such an asshole? You had never done anything to him, yet he hated you. Granted you weren’t a fan of his either, but at least you had a valid reason for your distaste for him. Yukhei on the other hand, did not, at least not that you knew of.

Standing in the living room, you begin to sway to the beat of the music. Letting his words slowly fade from your mind, you look around the room again but this time you locked eyes with someone unfamiliar. Messy dark brown hair, plump lips and beautiful eyes. You had no idea who this man was, but you were instantly attracted to him. He smiled at you, and you smiled back. He stood up, walking towards you but before he could reach you, you were basically tackled by your two giggling friends who dragged you away before you had the chance of meeting the handsome stranger.

You strained your neck trying to get one last glimpse of him before the two girls demanded your full attention while they explained their hookups for the night. You really did try your best to keep focus on what they were telling you, but unfortunately you were lost in your own thoughts about the handsome stranger. You thought about him off and on for the next few days. A memory of him would randomly pop up in your mind as you were trying to focus on the Literature lecture that was happening in front of you at the moment. You thought about his lips on yours.

How would he taste? You smiled as you dreamed, trying your best to keep his face in your mind always. You had yet to see the mystery man on campus that week, and so you did something that was rather unusual for you. You asked your roommates to attend another NCT frat party for the second weekend in a row.

“What happened that you’re not telling us?” Soomi asked.

“Nothing happened. You guys grabbed me before anything could really happen.” You sighed.

“I just like.. had very intense eye contact with a guy" you admit, groaning and shoving your hands in your head. That sounded completely ridiculous to you. The two girls looked at eachothers before bursting into laughter at your lame confession.

“Be ready to go in an hour” Jisoo said, still laughing as you walked away. As you entered your room, your phone began ringing. You pick it up, noticing that Mina was face timing you. Happily you answer and get her help on an outfit for tonight.

“Where are you going?” she asks, excitedly.

“NCT frat party” you hesitantly admit. “Like.. Lucas’s frat?” she asks.

“Yeah. I didn’t know he went here until I bumped into him last weekend. Why didn’t you tell me?” you question.

“Never thought about it to be honest. I didn’t think you were into frat parties.” She says, shrugging her shoulders.

“Normally I’m not. But I need to find someone I partially met last time.” You say. She begs you to tell her everything, and you happily oblige.

“Before I go. I’m going to tell Lucas to just kind of keep an eye on you, okay? I just want to make sure you’re safe"

“You know he hates me. He won’t care if anything happens to me" you say with a scoff. “But you do what you want. If it’ll make you feel better" you sigh. Immediately she perks up.

“Thank you. I’ll call you tomorrow” she smiles before hanging up. Once you’re off the phone, you quickly get dressed into the outfit the two of you had decided on. A pair of leggings with a tight black leather crop top that accentuated your breasts perfectly. Once again, arriving at the party, there was people everywhere. Maybe a few less than last time but who could really tell.

This time your friends hadn’t ditched you immediately, so you all went to grab a drink and a few shots from the kitchen before heading to the dance floor. It was more of a giant circle in the middle of the living room, but it was what it was. The moment you had started drinking, all reminders of the boy you had wanted to find faded away. You were instead enjoying your time with your friends, dancing to every song that played. Finally you had gotten a little to hot, and headed back into the kitchen to grab another drink. You weren’t paying attention and accidently bumped into someone upon turning the corner.

“Oh I’m so sorry" you say, looking up at the man you had seen last weekend.

“No worries” he smiles down at you. Your heart begins to flutter as you stare at his handsome face.

“Did you need a drink?” he asks, stepping to the side to let you through.

“I do. Thank you" you shyly smile, walking past him to grab a drink and a shot.

“My name is Johnny by the way" he tells you, leaning against the door frame.

“I’m Y/N" you respond.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl" he says, moving closer to you. “I saw you last weekend. And to be completely honest, I’ve wanted nothing more than to kiss you since I saw you that night.” He whispers, still moving in closer as you back up until you’re against the counter. Johnny grabs your waist before hoisting you up to sit on the counter as he moves in between your legs.

“So y/n, what do you say?” he whispers, leaning in closer now. “Can I kiss you?” In that moment your breath hitches as you stare at those beautiful lips of his as they approached yours.

“Yes" you whisper. You had barely gotten the words out before his lips were gently pressed against yours. Johnny pushes himself against you a little harder, wanting you to open your mouth to deepen the kiss. You do so without hesitation. As Johnny slips his tounge into your mouth, you wrap your arms around his neck, trying to be as close to him as possible.

“Jesus Christ Johnny. Get a fucking room” you hear from a disapproving voice. It startles you, and your only reaction is to push Johnny away from you which startles him.

The man turns around, and of course standing there is Yukhei, looking even more unimpressed that you’re the one who was being felt up by Johnny in the kitchen. Yukhei lets out a small sigh before pinching the bridge of his nose. You look between the two men as you slide yourself off the counter, while Johnny looks confused.

“Let’s go" Yukhei says to you, grabbing your wrist to pull you out of the kitchen.

“What? What are you doing?” you ask, tearing your wrist away from his hand.

“I told Mina I would keep an eye on you. And he is not someone you want to be fucking around with" Yukhei says coldly.

“You don’t even like me. So why would you keep an eye on me?” you ask.

“Who said I don’t like you? Maybe I like you too a little too much” he says, whispering in your ear. You can feel your heart beginning to pound.

“What?”

“Just stay away from Johnny” he whispers before walking away. Before you had a chance to catch your breath, Johnny rounds the corner, sliding his hand around your waist.

“Would you like to dance?” he whispers. With a smile, you nod your head. Johnny grabs your hand and pulls you towards the dance floor. He has his hands on your hips as you move your body to the beat of the music. You’re in your own zone before you look around and only see one pair of eyes glaring at you. Yukhei.

You did your best to try and ignore the glares of Yukhei as you and Johnny were dancing. You were trying to enjoy the night but he was making it extremely difficult. The rest of your night, your eyes always seemed to manage to lock with Yukhei’s no matter how hard you tried to not look at him. As the night ended, Johnny asked to see you again. You said yes before giving him your number. Excitedly, you lay in your bed with hope’s of a message from him before you fell asleep. When your phone dinged, a smile spread across your face as you saw it was from an unknown number. It simply said ‘I can’t wait to see you again’. You fell asleep that night, with butterflies in your stomach and a smile on your face.

**

It had been a few months of you and Johnny together, and everything was going perfectly. Except when you were anywhere near the frat house or at school. You had gone all this time without seeing Yukhei anywhere but now he was everywhere. He was always glaring at you and shaking his head disapproving.

One night you and Johnny had gone back to the frat house after a date. You had left your phone in the car, so you told Johnny you would meet him in his room after you grabbed it. You walked into the house, only to be pulled to a dark corner by someone. Of course that someone was Yukhei.

“What the hell are you doing?” he snaps.

“Going to Johnny’s room?” you say confused.

“Why?  I told you to stay away from him.” He growls.

“Why do you care so much? You’re not my boyfriend. I’m just your sisters friend.” You spit back at him.

“You’re going to get hurt" he whispers.

“Just stop Yukhei.” You sigh before leaving him standing by himself. Your mood had immediately gone from happy to sour after being stopped by Yukhei. You were a big girl. Why did he feel the need to butt in with your relationship? Johnny made sure to take extra care of you that night. When you left in the morning, everything that Yukhei had said to you was no longer a thought. As you walked through the frat house your mind was only in one place, and that was thinking about your night with Johnny. The way his hands caressed your body. The way he used to tounge to make you cum multiple times. The way he slowly fucked you. You were finally happy. Finally with someone who was treating you right and making you happy.

**

The next week, school dragged on and on. You ran into Yukhei more than you liked, and he would always smile at you, which was odd. On Monday he ran into you in the café and offered to buy you a coffee.

Tuesday he was outside your last class, holding an iced coffee for you.

Wednesday he had texted you to see if you were doing okay. Mina had given him your number. She told you he asked her and said if she wanted him to keep an eye on you then he needed it. It was all very confusing. Out of no where he became a different man then the one you ran into in the beginning of the year. When you saw him your heart fluttered. When he texted you, you got butterflies in your stomach. When he said your name, all you wanted to do was blush. You couldn’t have feelings for him. You were with Johnny, and Yukhei was still the man who hated you, but maybe just less now. He was only doing these things because Mina asked him too.

There was nothing more too it. On Thursday you had gone over to the frat house, luckily you didn’t see Yukhei on your way in, only Johnny sitting on the couch, watching TV. You sat beside him and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, bringing you in close to cuddle. Not even 10 minutes later, Yukhei strolled into the house, sitting down on the chair. Every few seconds he would turn his head and stare at the two of you, sitting there together. Finally Johnny had enough.

“Dude. What the fuck? Why do you keep looking at us?” he asks, pausing the TV.

“I’m not looking at you" Yukhei says, glancing at you one more time before getting up and leaving the room.

“Is there something going on between the two of you?” Johnny asks, pulling away from you. You pull back too, shocked that he would even suggest something like that. Yukhei barely tolerates you, there’s no way the two of you would be fucking. Although you wouldn’t mind.

“What? No? Why would you even think that?” you ask, clearly upset.

“He’s always around you lately. Always staring at you. Seemed like there was" he says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Wow. Thanks for thinking so fucking highly of me Johnny" you snap getting off the couch.

“Babe. Wait.” He yells, still sitting on the couch. You left the house, and Johnny still remained on the couch. You didn’t see the figure standing in the kitchen window, wishing he could stop you to make it better. By the time Saturday had rolled around, you and Johnny had spoken since your small fight on Thursday. You weren’t going to let that stop you from having some fun, and you figured it would be best to talk to Johnny face to face to work it out.

You and the girls all finished getting ready and go to head out. You were wearing your deep red strapless dress, that just covered your ass. Your hair was tied up in a loose bun and you had on your black pumps. There was no way that Johnny could resist you tonight. There was no hesitation with the three of you arriving at the frat house anymore. You all had been there so often that it was practically like a second home for you. Walking in, your eyes immediately look in the living room for Johnny, where he usually is, but he isn’t tonight. You look in the kitchen, and he is no where to be found. A little worried you walk up to one of Johnny’s friends, Yuta.

“Hey Yuta, have you seen Johnny anywhere?” you ask.

“Yeahhhhhh" he laughs not looking at you. “He’s in his room, but he’s not alone” he half laughs, half hiccups. The moment those words came out of his mouth, your stomach and your heart sank.

“He’s what?” You ask, trying to hold back your tears.

“Not alone" he says again, finally looking up to see who he’s talking too. “Oh shit. Y/N.. I’m..” he begins to say, his face dropping. You rush up the stairs, your heart feels like its going to beat right our of your chest. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t cheat on you. Taking a deep breath, you swing Johnny’s bedroom door open and are met with him on top of some girl.

“Are you fucking serious" you say, your voice cracking. You can no longer hold your tears back, you let them all spill as Johnny scrambles off the girl, trying to put some pants on. Your legs start moving before you even think of doing it. Your tears clouding your vision as you race down the stairs, you can hear Johnny’s voice calling out to you. You didn’t see the man at the bottom of the stairs, until you had already collided with him.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” you hear. Looking up you see the concerned face of Yukhei. Before you can answer, Johnny is at the top of the stairs calling for you. He races down, only to see Yukhei standing with you, his hands holding your crying frame. By now all the music had stopped, everyone focusing on the tension between the three of you.

“What the hell happened?” Yukhei snapped, his hands never leaving you. “It’s none of your damn business Wong. This is between me and my girl" Johnny snaps, coming down the stairs.

“I’m not your fucking girl Johnny. We had a small fight a few days ago and I came to make up with him, but he was too busy sticking his dick in some whore" you spit, the tears gone, now anger just coursed through your body.

“Seriously Johnny?” Yukhei scoffed.

“Stay the fuck out of this" Johnny snaps, looking at Yukhei.

“Baby please. Can we talk about this" he begs, reaching out to grab you. Yukhei tries to move you from in front of him, to behind him, unfortunately Johnny is quicker than he thought and grabs onto your wrist yanking you towards him.

“I’m going to talk this out, with my girl, without your presence Lucas. She isn’t your girlfriend” Johnny yells as you try to fight to get him off of you.

“Let me go Johnny" you cry, struggling to get out of his grip.

“Johnny, I will knock you the fuck out if you don’t get your fucking hands off of her" Yukhei snarls. Johnny stands there staring at Yukhei, he let’s your wrist go, never breaking eye contact with Yukhei.

“There" Johnny says, rolling his eyes. “The only reason we had problems is because of YOU" Johnny yells, pointing at Yukhei.

“You can’t stand that she’s with me and not with YOU" “I’m gunna to do it anyways" Yukhei says before clocking Johnny in the face, knocking him out cold.

“Are you okay?” Yukhei asks you. You’re embarrassed and hurt. He warned you that you would get hurt, but you didn’t listen.

“Is that all you want to say? You don’t want to say told you so?” You asked.

“No I don’t” he said, still looking concerned.

“Just let me go. This is humiliating” you whisper. You look behind you one last time before walking out the front door, and all you see is Yukhei watching you leave.

**

You lay in your bed for a few hours feeling hurt, betrayed and humiliated. Why didn’t you listen when Yukhei had told you to stay away from Johnny? There was no changing it now. You sighed as your phone buzzed for the thousandth time. Looking at it, they’re all from Johnny. Begging you to talk to him, pleading with you and then becoming mean and blaming you for his actions. If you had talked to him after the fight he wouldn’t have done that. You weren’t supposed to be there tonight. You weren’t supposed to find out. All you sent him was a nice fuck you. You opened up a new message, and typed in Yukhei’s name.

[1:04am] You: Thank you.

[1:06am] Yukhei: For what?

[1:07am] You: For standing up for me.

[1:10am] Yukhei: Anytime, Y/N.

You wanted so badly to ask him about what Johnny said. Did he really want you or was Johnny just overly paranoid? You decided to leave it alone, dreaming about literally anything else you could. The next morning you woke up to a text from Johnny, apologizing for his behaviour the night before. He asked you to meet for coffee and as much as you didn’t want to go, you decided to just to hear him out.

**

A few hours later you were sitting at a table with a remorseful looking Johnny with a black eye. The two of you has been sitting there for over 10 minutes without saying a word to eachothers. You were not going to talk first.

“Listen y/n..” he begins. “I’m an asshole. I know that. My behavior last night was unacceptable and I shouldn’t have acted like that" he says with his head down. “You shouldn’t have. I agree" you say. Johnny nods his head.

“Anything else you want to say?” you ask, waiting for an apology for the cheating. Not that it would make anything better but you still wanted to hear it.

“I was hoping you would give me a second chance?” he asked, looking at you hopeful. You couldn’t help but to let out a loud laugh.

“Are you serious?” you asked, still laughing.

“Well yes?” he replies.

“Johnny you CHEATED on me" you partially yell. “There’s no forgiving that" Johnny scoffs.

“Don’t be like that y/n. If you want, I’ll try not to do it again" he says.

“You’ll.. try to not cheat on me.. again? Wow Johnny, thanks so much. A true gentleman you are" you say, rolling your eyes.

“It’s because of him isn’t it?” he asks, looking like he’s just had a revelation.

“Who?” you ask.

“Lucas. It’s because of him.” He says.

“This is nothing to do with Yukhei, Johnny. It has to do with the fact that I don’t tolerate cheaters.” You spit.

“Yeah sure.” He scoffs.

“And even if I did get together with Yukhei, that would be none of your business. I’m sure he would treat me a hell of a lot better than you did" you say, grabbing your things and leaving him sitting there shocked.

On your walk home, you cannot believe the audacity of Johnny. How dare he think that was acceptable in any form? You pull out your phone on your walk home, seeing a text from Yukhei, asking if you were okay and if you needed anything. Your heart began to flutter, but you were still confused on why he was being so nice to you. He always hated you and now he didn’t? Things don’t just change that easily. And after the morning you already had, whatever he answer was couldn’t hurt you too badly.

[11:13am] You: Can we talk?

[11:16am] Yukhei: Sure. Come on over.

After you read that message, you changed your route, making your way to the frat house. Walking in the front door, you immediately see Yukhei in the living room. He stands up when he sees you, telling you to follow him as the two of you make your way to his room. You walk in, looking around his room as he shuts the door. Yukhei sits on the edge of his bed, staring at you, waiting for you to talk.

“So what’s up?” he asks.

“What changed?” You asked. Yukhei looks at you confused.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“You hated me for so long and the last few months have been so different. What changed?” you asked. “I’ve never hated you” he whispers.

“I always have liked you, but you always seemed to not like me so I just went along with it.” He shrugs his shoulders. “When I saw you the first night, I acted cold towards you because it seemed like what I should do. And then the next time I saw you with Johnny and I wanted to bash his face in. Feeling that haven’t felt in a long time cane rushing back. I wanted to protect you and have you be happy but you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“That’s not true. I don’t hate you anymore, Yukhei. You seemed to have changed.” You say. “I would like to be friends"

Yukhei let’s out a loud groan. “I don’t want to be friends, y/n" he says, standing up. He starts walking towards you, until you’re backed against the wall.

“What do you want?” you ask, looking him in the eyes

“I want you.” He whispers.

“You’re Mina’s brother. We can’t do this" you breathe, staring at his plump lips.

“Tell me to stop" he says, leaning closer into you. “Tell me you don’t want this" he says.

“I want this" you say, closing the gap between you two. Yukhei’s hands are at your waist in a second, pulling you closer to him. You wrap your arms around his neck as he deepens the kiss, slipping his tounge into your mouth. As your phone rings, you hear it’s Mina’s ringtone. You break the kiss by pushing Yukhei away, catching your breath before answering.

“Heyyyy Mina" you say, trying to act casual.

“What are you doing?” she laughs.

“I was just hanging out with Yukhei" you say.

“Oh. That’s weird" she giggles. “You better not be fucking my brother" she laughs.

“What? No, I would never do that to you" you say, as nerves float through your body. “I’m just kidding. I’d support you two if you decided to do whatever. Anyways, I was just calling to let you know I’m coming back in a few weeks and I can’t wait to see you!” she yells.

“Oh my god. I’m so excited" you exclaim.

“Okay, I have to go. I’ll call you later. Love you! Bye Lucas" she giggles through the phone. You hang up and put your phone away. You and Yukhei stand there, staring at each other, not saying a word.

“I better go" you say, quickly scurrying from his room. That entire week the two of you didn’t talk. Until Friday, when Yukhei had texted you to invite you to a party that night, as his date. He apologized for being MIA for the week, he had a few papers he needed to reach, and he figured you needed some time to think. You happily accepted the invitation, with the understanding that Johnny was not going to be around. The day dragged on, and you kept yourself as busy as you possibly could until it was finally time for you to get ready. You put on a cute and tight, yes casual dress and a pair of sneakers. You wanted to look good but also keep it casual tonight.

Your friends had dates so tonight you were on your own with the hopes that they might swing by later. Walking into the house you first spot Yukhei, leaning against a door frame, talking to some friends. He was wearing semi tight black Jean’s with a black shirt and a chain. His hair was slicked back and did he ever look good. Yukhei turned his head, spotting you almost immediately with a giant smile. You walked over to him as he wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight hug.

“I missed you” he whispered.

“I missed you too" you said back. Grabbing your hand, Yukhei lead you to the kitchen, getting you both a drink. A few drinks and some dancing later, you had been feeling extra needy. You could feel Yukhei’s erection as you grinded your ass into him and it made you very wet. He spun you around to face him before planting a small kiss on your lips. When he pulled away, he looked down at your face, noticing a small pout.

“What’s wrong baby?” he asked.

“I need you" you whisper.

“What do you need from me?” He asks.

“I need your cock" you whine. In that moment Yukhei’s eyes went dark, his face serious. He grabbed your hand, leading you out of the living room, up the stairs and into his room where he locked the door. Yukhei walked towards you, licking his lips in anticipation. You had assumed he was going in for a kiss but instead he told you to raise your arms. You do as your asked as Yukhei reaches for the hem of your dress before pulling it over your head. Looking down he notices your lace bra and lack of panties.

“No panties baby? Naughty girl" he groans, reaching his fingers down, sliding them through your soaked pussy. Your knees almost give out in that moment Yukhei pulls away from you and you moan as he walks away from you. Yukhei gets on his bed, laying down.

“Ride my face baby” he says, licking his lips. You strut yourself over to the bed, climbing on before lift your leg over to straddle him, getting comfortable on his face. Yukhei pokes his tounge through his lips, placing it right on your clit. You grab your breasts as you start to move your hips, grinding yourself on his face.

“Fuck" you cry out, your hands moving from your breasts to your hair. You lean your body slightly forward, gripping Yukhei’s hair instead, as his lips now suction around your clit causing you moan even louder.

“You’re going to make me cum" you cry out, Yukhei rotates from using his tounge and his lips as you thrust your hips faster, needing this release.

“Don’t stop. Fuck" you cry out. Your movements slow down as your orgasm hits, tingling through your body, as you cum all over his face. Once you’ve ridden your high out, you get off of his face, laying down on his bed, feeling extremely sensitive. Yukhei looks at you while licking up your juices from his face. He stands up, undressing as quickly as he can before getting back on the bed, hovering over you and leaning down for a kiss. He slides his tounge into your mouth, allowing you to taste yourself on him.

“I’m going to fuck you” he growls after breaking the kiss.

“Please do" you beg, needing to feel him inside you. Yukhei lines himself up with you before slowly pushing his thick, large cock into your pussy. You grip the bed sheets tightly as you try to adjust to his size. He gives you a few seconds to get used to the stretching, never having been with someone as big before.

“Move" you whine.

“Are you sure?“ he asks.

“Please move. Fuck me” you moan. With that Yukhei slowly begins to thrust in and out of you. You’re unable to keep your moans quiet and he picks up the pace eventually ramming himself into you harshly.

“Oh my god, your pussy feels so good baby" he moans, his fingers grip your hips tightly, sure enough to leave bruises.

“You take my cock so well baby" he purrs, moving his hand away from your hip and to in-between your lips, rubbing your clit.

“Fuck. You fill me up so well with your huge cock" you moan as he continues to play with your pussy.

“You going to cum again baby? Clench your tight pussy around my cock?” he growls.

“Yes yes I will" you cry out. Bucking your hips, you allow Yukhei to push his cock in deeper, causing you to slightly roll your eyes to the back of your head.

“Oh god" you cry out, your orgasm quickly approaching.

“Cum for me baby" he says, pounding himself into you. Before you know it, your orgasm hits you, coating your entire body, making your quiver beneath Yukhei.

“That’s a good girl" he grins, fucking you harder, chasing his own high.

‘I’m gonna cum" he whines, thrusting into you one more time before pulling himself out, coating your stomach with his juices. His head is thrown back as he pumps himself with his hand, milking every last drop. Yukhei takes a deep breath before looking at you with a smile. You smile back at him as you take your fingers to scoop up his cum, and put them in your mouth, swallowing everything. Yours eyes don’t leave his the entire time.

“Fuck you’re incredible” he smiles, leaning in for a kiss.

“Should we go get a drink?” he asks. Happily, you nod your head, slipping your dress back on while he gets himself dressed as well. The two of you leave his room, hand in hand as you walk down the stairs to rejoin the party. Upon entering the kitchen, you’re both met with an extremely intoxicated Johnny.

“Fucking slut" he spits, staring at your hand in Yukhei’s.

“What the fuck did you just say?” Yukhei growled, his body almost vibrating with anger.

“I called her a SLUT" Johnny yelled. Yukhei let go of your hand before pushing Johnny, causing him to fall over.

“Don’t be mad because she’s mine now. It should have always been me, anyways. You’re the one who fucked things up with her by being a piece of shit. But I should thank you for that because if you hadn’t, we wouldn’t be together.” Yukhei yells.

“But if you come near MY girl again or say anything negative about her, I will fucking end you" Yukhei threatens before taking your hand again and walking away.

**

It had been a few months since you and Yukhei had finally gotten together. Your visit with Mina went better than expected and she was extremely happy for the two of you, although she asked that PDA between the two of you was kept at a minimum in front of her. She had already started planning your wedding. Johnny apologized after a while, realizing he was in the wrong for everything. Now whenever he saw you two he nodded his head before walking away.

It took a while and few mistakes, but you finally had found the right one.

[aurora-the-kunoichi]

Aftermath Part Two

Here is part two of my apocalyptic TMNT story Aftermath

Read full story here

Raphael and Reader

The next morning came quickly bringing the morning sun streaming though the blinds. After the long drive sleep had come rather quickly but you had woken up at least 4 times thinking you heard voices. It had to have been your head playing games again, like it always did. God someone to talk to would be nice.

A modest breakfast was made and consumed allowing you to get out deeper into the city earlier than later. You wanted to get a few miles covered before lunch with a quick trip back to the camper with your goodies then a later afternoon trip before you settled in for the night. You never wanted to be out past dark in the city nor more than 5 miles from home base, just in case.

The first few houses gave very little to your supply cart, a few canned goods, a small supply of liquor and an interesting medical book that wasn’t in your library already. But off in the distance on top of a 4 story apartment building shined a beacon of hope. The sun hit it just right, a rectangle mirror of solar energy, oh happy day! Already this trip was proving to be worth it, as long as the panel wasn’t damaged.

As your reinforced cart bumped and thrashed along over the uneven pavement you hurried your pace, if you were lucky you could get it unhooked and off the roof before lunch.

The door to the building was already toppled over, the earth’s moister taking care of the unmaintained door hinges. You took extra care climbing over the rotting wood door making a mental note to try and remove the old intricate door handle before you left, the carved metal was exquisite.

Inside was a complete mess, the roof had failed years ago and there was a hole eaten away by the elements from the roof to the main floor. Thankfully the decomposing floors looked to be far enough away to keep the integrity of the stairs intact….mostly. You wanted…no needed that panel and by god you weren’t going to let a little rotting wood keep you from the very thing you came to New York for.

Each step you took up those steps was taken with extra care. Each foot set down adding pressure gradually listening for creaks and groans from the wood. The first three flights gave no trouble but the fourth gave some protest to the added weight. Thankfully nothing crumbled beneath you and you reached your destination. The roof access door was rusty and gave some resistance but a few shoulder slams broke the rust sediment allowing you access to your prize.

There it sat, a fully functioning (but dirty as fuck) solar panel ripe for the picking. Kneeing down to accesses how the panel was connected you pulled your tools out and got to work.

A few minutes into the process your heart skipped a beat hearing sounds that you hadn’t expected. The rusty door to the roof creaked open and the sound of shoes grinding down gravel into the roofs surface brought everything rushing to the present. You were no longer alone, ten years of solitude and now you weren’t so sure you were ready for company.

“Hey there beautiful, whatcha doing?” a not so pleasing voice crooned just behind you.

Yep not ready at all.

With a shift of your hips your hand slid down your calf resting on the hilt of your hidden blade and your other clutched your wrench just a little tighter. Slowly you rose from your knees turning to view your first look of a human in 10 years, keeping your blade to your back.

Five, there were five dirty gross looking men standing at your only exit off this building, and the way they were eyeing you up didn’t bode well for a peaceful interaction.

“We haven’t seen you around here before? We know every body who walks these streets. It’s always nice meeting new people in the area, you know, get to know them.” The man with a beard dressed in dirty cargo pants and a black t-shirt coed stepping closer. You watched his smile widen revealing a brown rotting set of teeth. Thankfully he was far enough away for now to keep the smell at bay.

“Donavan is really gonna like her.” One sneered under his breath to his friend unaware that you hadn’t been accustom to other people talking for quite awhile so his subdued speech came in loud and clear to you.

The sudden need to leave rose rapidly but you were unsure if you could take all 5 of them, maybe two……maybe. It had been a while since you had spared with another person so you could only guess your hand to hand skills were a bit rusty.

The one with the beard broke you from your thoughts and you stepped back unaware he had moved closer…..shit.

“What do you need the panel for sweetheart? Ain’t no one used that kind of technology since the virus wiped out most of the planet?” his eyes were soft but his body language was stiff and on edge, he was getting ready to pounce.

“A table.” You blurted out quickly. “I’m gonna make a table out of it. Wood rots, glass doesn’t, plus I like the design.” The lie was weak but you put on your best ‘I have no idea what’s going on’ smile and shifted your body in a defensive crouch.

“Hey, I know it can be lonely out here, why don’t you come back with us. We got food, a safe place to sleep and people starting over in life. We have our own little society, where people live in harmony.” His hand came out reaching for yours, fingers curling for contact.

“I appreciate the offer fellas, I really do, but I think I’m good on my own. I’m just gonna take my new table top and head back home. I’m fine though guys, you can head back to your new society.”

All at once all five moved, encircling you, eyes dark with dubious intent. “You see honey, we have to insist, you see, this is end times and its our duty to replenish the human race. We need more woman in our ranks, it’s your job as a woman to carry our children. And you’re a very pretty little lady and Donavan likes them pretty. We’ll get a handsome reward for handing you over.”

Ice water flooded your veins, fucking great, they wanted you for breeding? Fucking breeding?! Your mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, what do you say to that? ‘Sorry fellas I’m not interested in your dirty cocks and baring your bastard children’? Would that work? Probably not…

Before you could retort, two of them moved, faster than you anticipated. You were able to dodge the first assailant and the second caught you around the waist and took you down with an angry huff.

You quickly rolled backwards with the momentum extricating yourself from his grimy hands and rolled back to your feet. Hands up you readied for another attack and it came with a howling roar.

The bearded man came next swinging wildly like an untrained baboon. You spun on your feel sending the back of your foot into the side of his cranium getting an undignified squeak from the man. The neanderthal of a man went down like a sack of potatoes and the rest of his crew were unimpressed by your actions.

“Brad! You fucking bitch!”

Adjusting your footing you turned to the angry mob and spat on their comrades unconscious body, “Not so fun when your prey can fight back is it?” You hissed angrily keeping each one in your sights. “You make me sick, abducting woman for your pleasures against their will. Is this what is left of the human race? Rapists? I want no part of your new society!”

“Grab her! Donavan will enjoy breaking this one. He likes them feisty.”

They came again but your growing anger made you more focused. The first one came easy, your hand came out swiping the business end of your blade across the mans cheek distracting him with pain. Your foot slamming down on his knee sent him howling to the ground next while his second friend came at you screaming like a god damn banshee.

“Dude what is your problem?” He was easy to subdue, flailing about like an octopus on crack. You ducked as he roared over you landing on his face in the gravel. While he rolled to his back a quick punch to his temple sent him directly to dream land. Three down, two to go, go you!

The last two were not as easy to outwit unfortunately. One moved in front and the other moved to the back, both coming at you at the same time. The first few minutes of the struggle were in your favor but it had been years since you had, had this much physical activity so you weren’t fairing so well as the fight continued.

Shit.

One sloppy move and you were down, both males covering your body with theirs pressing you face first painfully into the gravel. One of them grabbed your hand and slammed it it repeatedly into the ground making you lose grip on your knife sending it flying a few feet in front of you. The wrench was next.

“We got you now you little cunt.” One of them growled into your ear shifting this body in between your thighs. “Maybe I’ll take the first ride as my payment?” His hips began to gyrate into your backside making you uncomfortably aware of his growing excitement.

“Get off of me you fuckers!” This couldn’t be how it ends, your freedom lost over your need to better your life. Your first interaction with humans in 10 years and you were about to be raped? Enslaved to pop out baby after baby?

Then the atmosphere changed on the roof. Four heavy thuds were heard behind you stilling the men on top of you.

“I don’t think she likes to be touched fellas, maybe you should let the pretty lady go.” A deep voice growled just behind you, a thick Brooklyn accent on the tales of his words.

One man got to his feet and stopped mid sentence, “And what are you gonna do abo……..fuuuuccck.”

“What is it Chet?” The man still pinning your down squeaked at his partners sudden loss of words.

“It’s them.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.”

“Yep.”

All of a sudden the weight was gone and you took the opportunity to get to your feet. You came face to face with the terrified gazes of your final two assailants trembling in fear.

Ever so slowly you turned around and every ounce of breath in your lungs came out all at once in a excited wheeze. There before you stood four gigantic turtles standing on two legs and tree trucks for god damn arms. Each one dressed in black pants with different attire adorning their upper bodies. Wrapped around each of his their bald crowns sat different colored bandanas and each held what looked like ancient Japanese ninja weapons.

They must have been seven feet tall weighing nearly 400 pound each. They were intimating as hell but something about them sent a warm familiar rush of heat throughout your body. Especially the big red one that was currently eyeing you up. He was the biggest of the four and the swing of his hips as he neared made your mouth dry.

Out of habit you took a few steps back as he advanced still unsure of the new additions intentions. You were beyond intrigued but your track record for the day wasn’t the greatest.

“Hey, hey wait stop moving.” He called reaching out but it was too late. The ground beneath you gave way sending your body hurtling to the ground floor crashing against the rotting floor boards and trusses as you fell.

As the floor came rushing up to meet you, you saw the red turtle come down after you trying desperately to stop your descent. But his efforts were for not as you hit the ground succumbing to the darkness.

Every once in a while you would hear voices as you rolled in and out of consciousness. Soft but unknown voices floating over you.

“Is she gonna be alright Don”

“She should be, she has a concussion and a sprained elbow. God knows she should be dead, but thank the gods for those other floors slowing her fall. It could have been a lot worse.”

You tried to open you eyes but the pull of sleep was too great but before it took you honey colored eyes and red engulfed your vision before the darkness came claiming you.

@blossom-skies

[fanofafan2ff]

52: Arrived

Madison

I adjusted the blinds in the room so the sun wouldn’t come in as much. It didn’t matter though. Chloe was only going to sleep for an hour before she woke up because she either realized no one was holding her or she was hungry.

Is it possible that a baby could already be spoiled at six weeks? Because Chloe  Monét Brown was just that.

After Mijo and Mel’s wedding, it was like my pregnancy was moving in slow motion. The weeks were going by so slowly, I felt like I’d never hit 40 weeks. But when I did and sis still wasn’t here... I was completely over it! I was beyond uncomfortable, tired, sick, fed, and up- in that order.

Our doctor had given us a two week timeline and if she wasn’t out by then, I’d have to be induced. But, Little Miss Brown wasn’t having that. A day shy of being seven days overdue, my water broke in the middle of the night. I was surprisingly calm.. but all that flew out the window once my first contraction hit.

Thankfully, Chloe didn’t torture me for hours labor wise. I was already dialed to 4 by time we got to the hospital. It didn’t take me long to get to 10 before I was pushing. She was 5 pounds and 2 ounces, which surprised me because I thought she’d be a little bigger than that.

And as young as she was, she already had a personality of her own. She loved to be held and cuddled by everyone, especially Christian. He loved his sister and nobody could tell him anything about his Coco. That’s what he called her and he made sure nobody thought they could call her that too. He was already so over protective of her.

It was definitely and adjustment, having both him and Chloe. Having two kids was no joke. It was extremely difficult about three weeks ago when we got to take her home. He was having kind of a hard time realizing he wasn’t the only child anymore. He had a whole tantrum and even told Chris and I that we liked the baby more than him.

My poor pumpkin felt like we didn’t love him all because he wasn’t the center of attention anymore. In a way it was cute but also concerning. Dr. Lopez had informed me about stuff like this happening but to actually see it was crazy. So one night, after dinner, we made sure to sit down with him and just talk things through.

We let him know that even though Chloe was getting a lot of attention it didn’t mean we loved him any less. And once we incorporated him into her routines, he couldn’t get enough of her. He loved taking naps with her and whenever he’d wake up before her and she started fussing in her sleep, he’d rub her back just the way Chris and I taught him how to so she would doze right back off to sleep. He especially loved to give her his special big brother good night kisses.

Sometimes I swore this wasn’t my life.

It was around 10am, so Christian was in school today and wouldn’t be home until around 4:30. The house was clean and quiet and I was in heaven.. at lest for another hour. I made sure to readjust the baby monitor so I could see her clearly on my phone and pulled up the door before exiting and making my way to the bedroom.

Since giving birth six weeks ago, I’d already dropped 20 pounds which I was grateful for, since I’d gained damn near 50. I’d been eating better, trying to exercise, and breast feeding helped a lot too. All the extra weight on me just didn’t make me feel like myself and I hated it. This shit had to go.

I sheded my pajamas and pulled on some compression shorts and a T shirt. I slipped on the first pair of Nikes I saw and sauntered downstairs to the gym.I kept the baby monitor app up and watched Chloe’s chest fall and rise and she napped in the dimly lit room. I popped one of my Airpods in and started some music up while I started the treadmill up.

MoneyBagg Yo’s voice flowed through my ears as my fast walking turned into strides. Not before long I was in a groove and jogging at a nice pace. I wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted to be weight loss wise. I intended on losing the 50 pounds I’d gain during this pregnancy and well as an additional 20. All together, I needed 70 pounds gone.

Of course everyone around me though my weight loss goal was crazy, seeing as though I was only six weeks postpartum, but I needed this time in the gym for myself. I hadn’t been working as much while I was pregnant with there being so much going on so there was that. After giving birth, I was stuck in this routine of being a stay at home mom and I never saw this for myself so it was weird.

But breast feeding full time came with a lot, so I told myself I’d give it 6 months and then slowly ween Chloe off my boob. After that, I’d go back to working and getting my business back on track. My pockets weren’t hurting for cash at all, thank God. But, I never saw myself living doing the stay home mom thing for real.

And you know who was supportive the who every step on the way when I told them my plan.

Christopher Maurice Brown.

I’d told him my weight goal and before I could even get the reasons why out of my mouth he was already asking if I needed him to get me a trainer. He even vowed to get healthier with me. He wanted to know what he could do to help me out of the funk of the stay at home mom routine. He wanted to help me revive my business. He just.. was everything. I really loved that man to the moon and back.

It was having his support that made literally everything so easy.

Especially with the kids. Chris made sure to make his family a priority- even while having a million and one things to tackle. He was front row center for everything that had to do with Christian and Chloe. He was getting Christian to school and packing lunches, he was changing diapers and rocking her back to sleep when I was too tired to move.

I just really had to thank God for blessing me with this man, even with everything we had been through.

An hour later I had ran about 3 miles, did ab workouts and also worked on my glutes. I was feeling good. I made my way back upstairs and checked on Chloe. I was surprised she hadn’t woken up yet. I used to time to indulge in a super long shower. I even got to wash my hair. She’d not only help my gain a little more junk in the trunk but my hair had grown an extra five inches. I was so thankful. My hair needed a break from wigs and extensions.

After I got dressed and ran some product through my hair, I climbed back in the bed and got comfortable. As the weeks went by she was sleeping a bit more soundly and I was so thankful. I finally had a moment to myself and decided to indulge in social media.

I honestly hadn’t been on there in a while. Between being so busy and actually not caring about what people posted for real these days, I only found myself on here when I had a few minutes of down time.

Cute outfit.

New boutique.

Cute hair style.

“Oh, her nails are bomb.” I said out loud to myself. I continued to scroll through my feed making sure to like a few things. I could feel my eyes slowly getting heavier as I scrolled through my feed. I double checked that Chloe was okay and decided to take a nap. I made sure to set an alarm for 1pm, ensuring that I’d sleep for at least 45 minutes.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep when I felt wet lips on my face. “She sleep man.” Chris laughed. “But I missed her today.” Christian whispered. I guess he wasn’t trying to wake me up. He was the cutest, I swear.

“Hi pumpkin.” I giggled. He crawled back over and suffocated me with a mini bear hug. “I made Coco a picture today at school.” He boasted. “Oh, you did?” “Yeah, and daddy said I could show it to my grandmas cause they’re gonna come today.” He rambled. Today?

I look at over Chris who was shaking his head at Christian. “Yooo.. you can’t hold water.” He laughed. “Surprise.” Chris shrugged. “Aw, they’re coming?” I smiled tiredly. “Yeah they should be here tonight. I knew y’all was missing each other and they wanted to come see Christian and Chloe. So, I got em some flights and they’ll be staying here for a week or two. And you need the help when I leave.” He said.

He would be leaving for a promo run for his album next week. He’d only be gone for a week and a half, but that seemed like forever these days. We’d spent so much time together lately I honestly forgot what it was like to miss him. And I really didn’t want to remember.

“You’re the sweetest.” I said honestly. “Gimme kiss.” I puckered my lips for him. He leaned over and pecked me quickly. “Ew.” Christian gagged. He got himself off the bed and ran to his room which made Chris and I laugh. I swear he was so dramatic.

I grabbed my phone and checked the time to see I’d only been sleep for 30 minutes. I checked the baby monitor app and saw Chloe was still sleeping. “Why did you pick him up so early?” I asked. He still had a cool 3 hours left. “I missed my son.” He shrugged. He eased on the bed and laid himself right on top of me making me laugh.

“Whyyyyy?” I whined. “Cause I missed my wife too.” “Fiancé .” I corrected. He kissed his teeth. “Fiancé.” He mocked in a voice that was supposed to sound like mine that made me laugh. I placed both my hands on his face and gave him another kiss. “Did you check on Chloe when you got in?” I asked. “Yeah, was still knocked out. That titty milk be having my babygirl gone.” He laughed before rolling off of me.

He placed his arms behind his head and got comfortable. He done a white T shirt, grey Nike shorts, and some socks. His was growing out his facial hair and slowly but surely, his beard was connecting. The scruffy look worked for him. But then again, what doesn’t? He looked so comfortable.. yet so fine.

“Madison.” I heard before snapping back into reality. “Huh?” “Where yo ring at?” He asked. I looked down at my left hand immediately. Shit, where did I put it this time? “I think I took it off in the bathroom last night.” “You think?” He chuckled darkly. “Aight.” He nodded before rolling out the bed and heading to the closet.

My ring was just a little too big for my finger, so it was always sliding off my finger whenever I wore it. Chris and I meant to get it resized but, it’s just been too many things going on. I kept telling myself I needed to do it as soon as possible because I was truly sick of us having this petty argument.

I got up and made my way to the bathroom. I opened the small jewelry box on my vanity and pulled my ring out before slipping it on my finger. I sauntered into the closet and watched as he pulled one of his million duffle bags from the shelf. He had been putting off packing for his trip for days but he was just ready to do it now.. all of a sudden. He was so aggravating I swear.

But, honestly, I was in no mood to argue today. I walked up behind him as he sorted through his Nike collection, trying to pick out some shoes. I pouted as I wrapped my arms around him. “Don’t be mad at me.” I whined. “I’m sorry. See, I put it back on.” I extended my hand so he could see.

“Cool.” He uttered, not even bothering to take a look at the ring. I walked around and stood in front of him. I put his face in my hands for the second time today. “Christopher. Stop being petty.” I rubbed over his ears to relax him a bit. “I keep telling you, it’s too big. I don’t want it to fall off and I don’t want to lose it so I take it off. You think I’m trying to look single out here or something?” I asked.

"I have two kids, nobody’s gonna want me.” I shrugged. The joke made him kiss his teeth. “Stop being mad at meeee.” I continued to whine. “I’m not mad.” He ensured. I let his face go and he continued to sort through his shoes. “I just want you to wear it, alright? I love seeing you have it on your finger.” He explained. “We getting it resized before I leave. Cool?” He asked. I nodded and puckered my lips for a kiss.

He bent down and got dangerously close to my lips before pulling back, “Ha, you thought!” I hated when he did that shit. “You’re not gonna kiss me?” I pouted. “I’m good love.” The side eye I was giving him was vicious. He thought that shit was so funny. I nodded and backed away from him. 

“Keep that same energy, Brown. Keep that same energy. Cause when I get clearance from my doctor next week, you’re gonna be sick. You’re going to live in the doghouse. Better get real acquainted with that left hand, play boy.” I stuck my middle finger at him and made myself comfortable on top of the island which was a few steps away from him. 

He looked back at me with a playful smile. 

“Cap.” He muttered. I lifted my eyebrow, daring him to continue. “I know your body like the back of my hand. You just went six weeks without this dick. And if you put me in the doghouse.. you gon be sick.” He chuckled. “Why does this sound like a bet?” I grinned.

“What you tryna put on it, baby mama?” He asked as he walked over. He knew what he was doing. His hands immediately came in contact with my thighs. He ran small circles over them while staring in my eyes. Ugh, I couldn’t stand him. 

“Let’s put a week of dirty diapers on it.” I said pushing his hands of me. He found it funny but nodded anyway. “Seal it with a kiss?” He asked puckering his lips up. I learned forward and just before we could kiss, I backed up and placed my hand in his face. “You thought!” 

---

“What she said sis? That pussy is clear for take off!” Kaya clapped. “Pchttt!” Ashley cosigned making the worst airplane sound I’d ever heard in my life. I laughed obnoxiously loud as we sat in the back of the Mexican restaurant. 

I had just left my 6 week check up and I was all good to have sex again. My health was in good shape as well, and I’d lost an additional five pounds. I was feeling good. I had been locked in the house for weeks and I needed to get away and just breathe. So, Mel decided we could all have lunch together. 

Both my babies were at home with both their grandmas. The love and support I’d been smothered this week was so needed. Chris left a few days ago and I was really missing him. Christian would get so sad when he wasn’t here to bring him to school everyday, but Chris promised they’d pick right back up where they left off. 

Both Mama J and Tasha were loving being here with them, but honestly, I think I loved it more. They wouldn’t let me do anything but breastfeed her Chloe. After I’d feed her they’d whisk her away from grandma time which gave me time to catch up on some sleep. My skin and body were so thankful for it. My dad was a bit too busy to take off work but he’d let me know he’d be out to visit soon. I felt like it had been so long since I seen him. 

“It’s just a shame that yo husband ain’t here to be the pilot.” Mel nudged me. I hadn’t told them about the bet and I wasn’t going to. They would root for Chris anyway. I only giggled i response to her words. “I do miss him.” I admitted. It had only been a week and I was ready for it to be over.

“So when are you gonna start planning the wedding?” Mel asked. I shrugged. “Any theme in mind?” Another shrug. “Who’s the maid of honor?” Kaya asked. Another shrug. I literally had no idea. And honestly, the wedding wasn’t on my priority list right now. 

Our waiter came over to the table and somehow Kaya convinced me to get a margarita. I was only having one to celebrate my health and I knew I had to pump and dump my breast milk for the next few hours. I was so glad I’d decided to pump before I decent amount before I had left this morning. 

After a few sips, I was already tipsy. I had never been a light weight, but being away from alcohol for so long had me feeling like I was a college freshman again. It wasn’t before long that I was officially drunk. Shit, it was barely 1pm and I was gone. 

The girls immersed themselves in girl talk as I quickly sent a message on my phone. 

I miss you. 

And your dick 😢

I was trying my hardest to not lose this bet Chris and I had going... but fuck. 

We had sex up until I was about 8 months but after that I literally just couldn’t bother. I was so uncomfortable those last couple weeks I didn’t want to be touched. But, in this moment Chris was making me eat my words. 

I was sick.

I stared into space quietly and I could see myself laid out in the middle of our king sized bed with my legs spread open while Chris sucked on me like his life depended on it. I blinked, and I could see him pushing my thighs back into the mattress and he pounded into me and whispered how good I felt in my ear. I had to take a breath because it’s was as if I could feel every bit of it. 

“Hello?” Ashley snapped. “Did you hear me?” She asked. “Sorry, what?” “I said, I’m single. I’ve decided to devote this year to myself and career.” She shrugged. “So, no more fucking Austin?” I asked. “Nope.” She made sure to pop the third letter. 

“Well, I’m gonna try not to.” She laughed. “Fuck, I just be having them stupid ass moments of weakness when I’m drunk. And Austin never tells me no. That’s he problem!” She reasoned. “Why toxic dick be so goooood?” She whined. “Preach, sister.” Kaya clapped. 

“I’m just gonna keep the focus on myself. Stay celibate- to the best of my ability. Build my brand and kill shit. Period.” She signaled with her hand. “Well, you got our support babes. Always, you know that.” Mel chimed in. “Plus, you know we gon call you the fuck out if you start fucking him again and don’t tell us. Yeah, bitch I’m still salty.” Kaya rolled her eyes. 

Once all the hoopla around Mel’s wedding went away, Ashley spilled her guts on her and Austin messing around again. Turns out they had been having sex wayyyy longer than anyone knew about. She thought he was trying to rekindle the relationship, but turns out he just really wanted to keep having sex. He was stringing her along and once she picked up on it she was out. She would slip up a few times though. 

Ashley rolled her eyes right back. “Well, like I said, toxic dick be good.” She said making us laugh. “I think I wanna move to Atlanta with Ant.” Kaya blurted out. My eyes bulged. That was a big ass step. Especially since Kaya was so strategic with her love life now. Ty really fucked her head up. It took a while for Ant to get through to her, so to hear that she was thinking about moving to another city for him was big.

“Yeah, I know.” She let out a nervous laugh before shrugging. “Wow, that’s big Kaya.” Mel weighed in. “Crazy thing about it is... I’m not even afraid to do. I think... I’m gonna do it.” She sighed. “Am I crazy?” She asked. 

“No!” We agreed in unison. “You love him, and if you think y’all are ready for that step, we’re behind you 100 percent of the way.” I stated. I’m sure Ashley and Mel felt the same way and my sentiments were correct when they chimed in with the nods and words of approval. She looked like she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“Wait.. that means we’re not gonna be a foursome anymore.” Ashely stated. “Bitch, we gon always be a foursome! The fuck. I wish y’all would have a bitch try to take my spot.” Kaya ranted. I swear we could never have a moment. 

We continued girl talk and I had decided to have one more margarita and take another shot or two. I was officially down for the count. Mel wasn’t drinking really and opted to drive me home. On the way home, I couldn’t shake the feeling between my legs. I really missed my man. 

He still hadn’t texted me back so I decided to call him. No answer. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my Birkin. I was over it. We pulled up to the house maybe about five minutes later and I let Mel know she didn’t have to come inside. I walked up the driveway and slipped inside the house quickly. 

I immediately noticed how quiet it was so that could only mean no one was home or they were all asleep. I waltzed in the kitchen fumbling with my bag as I tried to pull my phone out. My eye cause the pink reminder slip hitched under the magnet in the kitchen. 

Took the kids to the zoo. We should be home around 4. Love you!

- Mama and Tasha 

They were so cute. I found it funny that they never opted to just text me, they always left notes. I sighed at the quietness throughout the house and grabbed a bottle of water out the fridge. I downed the water quickly before shuffling up the steps and into the bed.

I needed nap.

I stripped myself of my jeans and bra and snuggled into the bed with just my shirt and panties on. The buzz I had was going to make for a excellent nap. I yawned and hummed for a few minutes before I felt myself drifting off. 

I stirred when I felt cold hands on my skin. They ran from the top of my thighs down to my knees and then back to my thighs again. A pair of lips connected to my neck next and I thought I was dreaming when I saw Chris staring back at me. 

“So what you missed more? Me or this dick?” He asked before planting his lips on mine. “Definitely the dick.” I giggled. I wasn’t even about to ask how he was here right now. All that mattered is that he was. I pulled him down for another kiss. “I missed you... so much.” I mumbled in between kisses. 

“I.. missed you...more.” He replied. His tongue instinctively found its way into my mouth and I let him take control. He used his knees to spread my thighs so he could lay in between them. He pressed himself against me and I could just feel how hard he was. I was still a little buzzed which made all of this feel even better.

He helped me out my clothes quickly before pulling off the shirt and Nike shorts he was wearing. With barely any foreplay, I was soaked and ready. He began running the head over my clit which sent shivers through me. He literally watched as I got wetter for him. I was sick of him playing with me. 

As if he knew how antsy I was getting he stopped the teasing and began pushing my thighs back so they were touching the mattress. It always amazed me how flexible I could be once it involved taking dick. He used one of his hands to guide himself to my entrance. He began teasing me again, and just before I could protest, he slowly slid inside me. 

I gasped and instinctively sent my hand to his lower torso. He pulled out some before sending a few more inches inside of me as I cried out. “Shitttt.” I sighed. He moved slowly as my body got reacquainted to his size. Once he sensed that I fully adjusted he picked up his speed. 

I could hear how wet I was over our skin slapping together. The beautiful harmonies our bodies created made me even wetter. His hand found its way around my neck and my eyes rolled at the pleasure the lack of oxygen sent me. I shut my eyes for a second before I moaned and forced them open to look him in the eyes. 

He was concentrated on watching collide. “Fuck.” I heard him groan before looking away and finally into my eyes. “You lost.” He grinned.

[adulteryfeels]

Today, I will choose happiness.

Cold. So very cold was the night that I could hardly sleep at all, and spent most of my time rubbing my feet together within my sleeping bag. I remember reading a book that my friend Jim lent me: ‘The Gentle Art of Tramping.’ In it, the author Stephen Graham recommends heating rocks, shoving them into a pair of socks, and throwing the bundle into bed with you to keep warm on frigid nights such as this one. I lit a fire, and followed his advice. This was excellent… for about 4 or 5 minutes before my socks burned up. One pair of socks less, still icey in the morning, I trekked on to my goal. I have been visited by wild pigs almost every night- their tramping, digging, and vocals made their presence known.

On one particular night, as I was recounting the day’s events in my journal, I did hear a very loud screech in the distance. My eyes opened wide, ears alert, as the sound echoed through the forrest where my camp was set. No one near me for miles; I was alone. I thought it better to ‘lock this one in the vault,’ not think to much about it, and sleep as best I could. These screams and coughing sounds would persist every night on the trail.

I became dirty from the trail, weary from the walk, and sleepless from frozen nights or sickness. And yet, there was a goodness that the experience birthed, a freedom.

This is a map of the Kektura, which I walked along:

Hungary, a land that has gone through the hands of many. A beautiful place filled with hills, fields of yellow and green, lakes and streams, and a generous populous. On March 20th, Starting at the Austrian border, I made my way East all the way to the tiny village of Hollohaza, 1,128 kilometers later, on May 8th. Could have finished earlier, but a specific Hostel in Budapest and a bad virus kept me a week or two.

Though persons rarely spoke English, a surprisingly high number knew German which certainly helped me in communication, as I had picked up quite a bit of the language from my time on the horse farm with Steffi and her family. One man asked me if I was alone,

‘Und wo ist deine Frau?’ (and where is your woman?)

‘Ich möchte kein Frau!’ (I don’t want a woman)

At my response, he threw his hands down as if to say, ‘Bah, Humbug.’

Why did I decide to do this? It is still somewhat of a mystery for me. It seemed so clear at first, but as I moved, everthing slowed down. Life on trail is unbelievably slow, almost to a point where all time merges into one stream, where there are no consecutive days, but rather one long, never-ending time line. Did I meet that couple yesterday or two weeks ago? It all seems the same to me, words like ‘monday’ or ‘thursday’ mean little to nothing, and this created something of an other worldy environment. Two opposing phenomina occur simultaneously- the memory of starting a single day past, and the feeling as if I have always been livng this way. In this manner, all life comes to a halt and nothing moves until I deviate from this path.

The trail itself may look, depending on your own tastes, rather boring or plain, though I found it stealing my breath on a regular basis.

My diet consisted of tomatoes, cucumbers, bread, sardines, and a plethora of sugary sweets to keep my sugar high. You would be amazed what a Cola can do to you when you feel exhausted. On average, I walked about 18 miles a day- 11 being my lowest, and 24 my highest. My feet were very displeased, and they sure took a beating. If they could talk, I am postive they would say, ‘Good God man, what the hell are you doing? Stop it this instant!’ and they would recite this phrase in a British accent.

I avoided blisters by sticking to a very strict ‘easy going’ strategy:

Wake and break down camp.

Walk for five miles

Take a rest, eat breakfast and remove shoes and socks.

Walk for another 5-10 miles.

Take second rest, eat lunch, remove shoes and socks.

Walk for another 5-10 miles, set up camp, change clothes, dinner, and finally sleep.

My breaks lasted about 1-1.5 hours. I often would nap during these times if it was warm enough, or simply sit and read a book.

The trail is littered with stamps. 147, I believe. Though, I was only able to collect about half of them, as many bars would bring them inside their business, yet would be closed for the day. Which, while we’re at it, let’s address the village schedules.

Every single village has 4 main buildings in addition to civilian homes:

A church

Municiple Building/Post office

A Bar/Restaurant

A small grocery store

All of which are close promptly at 4pm. This is absolutely inconvenient since you cannot always get to a village in time to buy food for the next day. And you never knew if there actually was a market or not.

There also several blue water pumps scattered through each one which had fresh drinking water. (Yes, I would drink this). And thank god, they were there, as the Easter holiday shut down every grocery market for two days in a row which I was unaware of. There was a time where I had only peanuts and water, hiking up and down hilly areas all day. THAT was an exhausting time. Though one cyclist gave me some protein cookies.

The main mode for sleep is in a tent, which as I already mentioned above, can get quite chilly in the nighttime. After the burning socks incident, I tried a new technique- boiling water in a thin metal bottle, stuffing it into a sock, and putting it in the sleeping bag. This worked wonders. I also bought some large wool socks to put over my normal pair as I slept, as well as thermal leggings. Camp sites would ideally be in a meadow (I feel safest in meadows?), in one of the few specific camp site areas, or near a Kilato watch tower like in the photo above.

Though, occasionally, when I traversed a particularily hard day, or when I became very sick, I would splurge and stay at guest houses (Anywhere between 14-25 Euro a night). Also there was this one day I had walked 24 miles in the pouring rain:

When it Rains, it Pours

And this could not be truer than for Hungary. My morale was low, and I was quite unhappy with my situation, as all my things were soaked, myself included to the bone. But as the sun was setting, I thought to myself, ‘You know what? This is the only time in my life when I will be here, walking this day, in this rain. I am already wet, so what will complaining do for me now? If happiness is a matter of the will instead of a matter of exclusive factors, then I might as well choose happiness. I pulled my hood off to get the full effect and I continued singing as the sky cried down upon me.

In the next hour, I came across a Monestary where, after speaking with some men in German, I found myself with a bed for the night, dinner to fill my belly, and an excellent conversation about Hungarian literature with some professors. As I hung my things to dry, I played music into the night, reflecting on how the universe, or God, seems to smile on me. Something that has also perplexed me. Life is full of mysteries.

What did I do to entertain myself while walking? Sing. An over abundance of singing. I would also have theological and philisophical debates with imaginary figures, tried to deal with the burried pains of the past, self reflected on my life’s worth, and much more. It is truly amazing just how much baggage you can ressurect within you as you go along slowly in solitude. This is, perhaps, the greatest benefit of a solo hike.

In the end, I eventually made it to the small village. I can’t say that I walked 100% of the Kektura, as I often lost my way or had to move quickly t make up for lost time. But I did walk 700 miles all the way to Hollohaza, where I sat down, breathed deeply new life into my lungs, and reflected back on everthing that had brought me to this very point in life. How every action, as small as buying a candy bar or tying shoes, and as big as moving across the world, is a consequence of past choices, both of our own and of others, however willful or nonconsensual. How my entire life, and the lives of my parents, friends, even of people I have never met before, is altered by the decisions around me, behind me, and in my future. And if anything can be considered a miracle, surely it’s this. How God has directed my life is a knowledge that will forever be unknown to me.

The End Memorial of the Kektura

Until Next Time, Share this post, Subscribe to the blog, and I’ll be around later.

So It Goes: A 700 Mile Walk Today, I will choose happiness. Cold. So very cold was the night that I could hardly sleep at all, and spent most of my time rubbing my feet together within my sleeping bag.

[sundaywhiskey]

We’ll Always Have Sunsets

It was early 2009, and I did not want to meet my father’s new girlfriend. My parents’ divorce had finalized only a few months earlier. This new woman, I thought, was at best a rebound, at worst a homewrecker. I was twenty and angry.

We shared the same favorite Beatles song, me and the new girlfriend. “Revolution.” I learned that the night we met. She treated me, my father, my sister, and a couple of our friends to see The Fab Faux, a Beatles tribute band that sounds like the real thing. We drove there in a limo. When “Revolution” started—the clanging electric guitar, the racing drum, the background yell—she tapped my shoulder. “This one’s my favorite!” She sang along, smiling, dancing with hands and hips. Dad’s new girlfriend smiled the kind of smile that made everyone around want to smile too. I’m not sure if by that point my father had nicknamed her “Sweet Thang,” but probably. By the end of the show, I knew for certain my father’s new girlfriend—Kim was her name—was impossible to dislike.

*

I stood on the dock, bitching. “I do not do boats.”

Ignoring me, my father loaded the boat with essentials: a cooler, life vests. I went to Key Largo thinking we’d jet ski, not boat. There’s a difference: one I’d done before and decidedly disliked, and the other I hadn’t tried, so my feelings were up in the air. I worried about seasickness. The last time I’d gone boating was a year or so prior in St. Augustine. I had deep sea fished, or rather, I spent the trip curled in a ball, trying not to throw up. But this day, the bay was smooth and notably shallow—imperative differences I chose to avoid.  Kim promised I’d be fine. She talked me on board.

It turns out, I like boats.

Kim teased me for years: when I’d go tubing, when I’d kneeboard, when I learned how to drive the boat, the one afternoon I tried wakeboarding, the vacation in Hawaii I snorkeled. “I thought you didn’t do boats,” she’d say, imitating my whine. “Oh hey, Miss I-Don’t-Do-Boats.” In Canada, we sailed while the sun set—Kim’s favorite time of day. My father played guitar and we sang.

Recently Kim saw a photo of me on the same boat from that first day. My father drove, and I smiled beside him. Kim laughed looking at the photo, said Dad should have that framed and mailed to me. “Remember how Lyndsay doesn’t do boats?”

Kim didn’t know that just after that photo was taken, she was Baker Acted for threatening suicide to her daughter.

*

A month after I moved to New York in 2013, my father called on my lunch break. He worried Kim might have a problem with alcohol. After her father’s funeral, she’d drank so much, she passed out on the toilet, fell off, maybe got a concussion.

I’d drink at least that much after your funeral, I probably said. Or maybe I said, I don’t know—that sounds like a reasonable day to get drunk. Whatever I said that afternoon, sitting at a picnic table in front of a grocery store on Fulton St., too many miles from my family to be of any use, I needed to believe that no, no, Kim was not an alcoholic. Not our Kim.

In hindsight, there were signs. I’d lived with my father and Kim for the six months preceding my New York move, and in the mornings while drinking coffee, Kim sometimes poured herself a glass of vodka before retiring to her bedroom for the day. She worked from home. In the evenings,  her words slurred, her memory like mist. I’d later learn that what I had interpreted as sometimes was frequently, and what I’d interpreted as normal wasn’t.

I returned to my office. Should I confide in someone? Alcoholism wasn’t that serious, was it? I mean, I drink. And sometimes I don’t drink. Kim could do that: control her consumption. I remember thinking, or maybe the right word is hoping: There’s nothing to worry about. But what if there was?

*

Kim passed away January 4, 2017, at 6:36 p.m. from complications of alcoholism, namely cirrhosis of the liver and esophageal varices. She is survived by her husband, four children, two stepdaughters; her mother, and two brothers. Her first grandson was born 36 hours later.

*

I’m not sure which anecdote best illustrates my stepmother’s alcoholism.

Maybe the time she flew to New York for rehab, drank during the flight, forgot why she was on a flight, and tried to check-in to a hotel at which she had no reservation. She slept in the lobby. The police came.

Maybe the time she chased my father with a garden hoe.

Maybe the rumors she circulated about my father—that he was using her for money, he was cheating. She had developed Korsakoff Syndrome (a chronic memory disorder), and in the morning she’d love him but by afternoon she’d forget, rage and call him an asshole. Could he get the fuck out of her house? More than once she demanded her assistant pack my father’s clothes in garbage bags.

Maybe that she said these things and behaved this way while my father put his life on hold to help her. He called every doctor in town. He researched every rehab center. He left her cards on the nightstand—I love you, he’d write, his all-caps handwriting in permanent ink.

Maybe the Christmas she tossed half my presents in our backyard lake. She’d thrown other things in the lake, too: her wedding ring, for one. Once she threatened to drive into the lake.

Maybe the time she lost her car at a hotel. She’d forgotten she drove, took a taxi home, and the next morning she’d forgotten to which hotel she’d gone.

Maybe the time I went to her house and she told me to fucking leave, that I’m not her fucking daughter, and why don’t I tell my father to fuck off, while I was at it. A minute later she emerged on the driveway in tears. She was sorry, she would do anything for my dad’s girls. Amy and I were like daughters to her. I couldn’t stop crying.

*

That was not Kim. Kim was sick.

That was not Kim. Kim was sick.

That was not Kim.

Kim was sick.

*

My father proposed to Kim in bed. They were that way, without frills. The six of us kids took to calling them Tomberly, or sometimes Tim. Their love was that gross gooey shit I didn’t believe existed until it stood before me, arms wrapped around waists and shoulders, smiling and laughing as though the only ones in on a joke. They were happy. My god, they were so happy.

They married November 3, 2012, in an intimate ceremony in Key Largo, FL. My step brother walked his mother down the aisle; my sister and I walked our dad. Kim’s daughter was maid-of-honor, and my Pop Pop was the best man. They married before a dock during sunset. My father’s band played the reception. Kim wore a teal and coral dress.

This year she forgot their anniversary. She was hospitalized, throwing up blood.

*

Alcoholism is a disease. A disease like cancer is a disease like diabetes is a disease like HIV is a disease. Many dispute this, claim people like Kim have a choice in the matter. They’re wrong. Nobody, least of all Kim, would choose this.

The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Addiction defines alcoholism this way: “An addict’s life is often centered around their drug of choice, which in the case of an alcoholic is alcohol. They spend much of their time figuring out how to obtain it, drinking it, and recovering from its effects. They also do this at the expense of practically everything and everyone around them. Jobs suffer, as do relationships with friends and family members, and often alcoholics are in trouble with the law.”

Alcoholism alone explains the illegal golf cart rides down busy roads to the gas station. Why she lost custody of her youngest sons. The bruised liver, the tar stool, the blown esophagus, the near-dementia. The tubes, the heart monitor, the machines that kept her alive more days than her body would have survived on its own.

*

I last saw Kim not connected to wires and machines in a hospital bed on Christmas Day 2015. (I first saw Kim connected to wires and machines in a hospital bed on Christmas Day 2016.) She was sober and chain-smoking on the porch beneath the tiki hut. It was later in the evening, only a few stragglers from the day remained: me, my father, Kim, and this guy who turned out to be a neighbor, but whom I’d never before met. He argued politics, something about how you just have to work hard to obtain a college education, blahblahblah.

“Look,” I said. Hard work can get you only so far: because of hard work, I honed my talent for writing and obtained a career. But I qualified for said career because of a costly master’s degree, which required a cross-country move. Kim paid for my undergraduate and graduate education. She financially supported my moves to New York and Los Angeles. 

No matter how much hard work, I would not be where I am today without my stepmother’s generosity. 

Kim aww’d, pulled me into her arms. She never did these things for recognition. She’s not that way, helping people to feel better about herself. She paid my tuition because she knew I wanted to be a writer, and she knew I wanted a degree that said so, and she knew she had the means to help me accomplish that.

“That’s so sweet of you to say, little love,” she said. She smiled her Kim-smile, her cheek pressed into mine.

*

At her celebration of life Saturday, I shared many of the above stories. The one’s about Kim. Not the one’s about her disease. No person should be defined or remembered by that which ailed them.

*

The first time I said aloud “Kim is dead,” it tasted badly. It was palpable, the words a weight on my tongue.

Grief is relentless.

Addiction is relentless.

My family, we’ve had practice in grief—we lost our Kim years ago. Interventions. Rehab stints. Marchman Act’s. Doctors and psychiatrists and drugs and memory loss and yelling—my god, there was so much yelling—and legal documents and lakes.

I last heard Kim’s voice on Election Day. She sounded good, sober. I could’ve recognized her voice anywhere. She joked I should run for president. We laughed, and I remembered Revolution, and boats, and the family vacation to Steamboat Springs when like dominoes we all contracted stomach viruses, and Christmas-Day-matching-pajamas and Costco-maxi-dresses, and singing B-b-b-bennie and the Jets!, and the way the sun glowed behind her on her wedding day.

[alindakb]

Letters to my Parents - Wednesday 14 September 1994 - by Alinda

Wednesday 14 September 1994

Dear mom and dad,

The week after the Quidditch world cup was a bit weird. Draco wrote to me to tell me that Tonks had to go into the Ministry every day and that all kinds of weird rumours were going around about what happened that night. And Rita Seeker, a reporter for the daily prophet has been coming up with all kinds of dirt about the ministry, like that a woman that works there, Bertha Hopkins, has gone missing. Sirius was really worried about it all and wrote a lot of letters and kept mumbling that the signs were bad.

At the end of the week, I met up again with Draco at Diagon Alley to get our school supplies. The day started with Draco’s mother taking us to Madam Malkin’s Robe shop to get dress robes. We need them this year and I didn’t have any, and Draco grew out all of his. I’ve gotten some bottle green once that bring out the colour of my eyes according to Draco. His are black velvet with a high collar. I joked they made him look a little like a vicar, but they do look good on him. And the fabric is so soft. Draco laughed at me when I couldn’t stop petting his new robes while Madam Malkin was fitting them on us.

The rest of the day we spend by picking up our books, making sure our potion ingredients stock was complete, getting new quills and eating ice cream. We had a lot of fun and Draco’s mother was very kind. The only downside was that she would hit our hands every time we linked them together. She said we should not show our love so easily in public, that it could hurt us. Draco later told me that she was afraid it would hurt the Malfoy name, disgrace it if the world would find out that the only Malfoy heir was bent.

We met up with our friends at the train station and got a compartment that would fit all of us. Hermione, Luna and Daphne talked about girl stuff while we analysed the Quidditch game. Blaise, Greg and Draco all agreed that I would be able to do the Wronski Feint even better than Krum. It was horrible weather outside and I’d curled against Draco’s side, his arm was around me while I looked outside once the conversations had winded down. Blaise and Luna had disappeared, probably off somewhere snogging, Hermione and Draco were both reading the standard book of spells, grade 4, Daphne had the Witch Weekly in front of her and Greg just stared out of the window like me. And then Nott and Crabbe decided to ruin our afternoon by showing up and making sick jokes about me and Draco. They talked about entering something and winning fame and money, but none of us knew what they were on about. Nott went on that Draco most really have lost the grace of his father if he didn’t know. This saddened Draco, he tried not to show it, but I know it still hurts him that his father pretends like he doesn’t exist when he’s at home.

At the welcome feast, Hermione and Luna had to part with us to go sit at their own house tables for the rest of the evening. Ron, Neville, Seamus and Dean greeted us when they came into the Great Hall, soaked because Peeves had been throwing water balloons in the entrance hall. But their state was better than the first years who looked like they had swum across the lake instead of sailed. The hat sang a song about the founders and then the first years were sorted. I seemed to go on forever and Greg was complaining that he was hungry and that the hat should hurry up.

Dinner was good and we were all in a happy mood until Headmaster Dumbledore gave the direst news of the evening. There will be no Quidditch Cup this year! No flying on brooms and practice twice a week with our team members. We looked at Adrian and Miles and they looked just as shocked as us, unable to believe that we won’t be continuing our winning streak this year. I was looking forward to it, seeing how well Draco would do as our new captain now that Marcus had left.

Headmaster Dumbledore started to explain why when the doors of the Great Hall banged open. A man walked in and we all watched him take his seat at the staff table. His face was unlike any I’d ever seen. He had scars everywhere, his mouth looked like a diagonal gash and a large chunk of his nose was missing. But it was his eyes that scared me the most. One was small, dark and beady. But the other was large, round and a vivid electric blue. It moved around ceaselessly, without blinking, and rolled up, down and from side to side. He was introduced as our new defence against the dark arts teacher, Professor Moody. I tell more about him later and why I don’t like him one tiny bit.

Once Professor Moody was seated Headmaster Dumbledore continued to explain why there won’t be a Quidditch Cup this year. It seems that our school is hosting the TriWizard Tournament this year. Students of Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will join us this year for this tournament. It’s a competition between the three schools that was stopped when the death toll mounted too high. Each school gets one champion to represent them. Don’t worry, I won’t be able to try (not that I want too) or Draco either (who’s still kind of keen on it) because there is an age limitation. You need to be off age to compete. Adrian and Miles both are going to try to get in.

After the feast, we made it upstairs and Draco got into bed with me. Blaise said he was going to find out a way to get in even though he isn’t even seventeen and Draco said he would join him. I fell asleep that night, dreaming of Draco holding up a big cup, being the TriWizard champion, and smiling down at me saying he couldn’t have done it without me.

Post the first morning at Hogwarts was strange. Usually, it’s Draco that gets post. His mom always sends him care packages filled with sweets and cakes. At least she did for the last three years. But on our first day, there was no post for Draco, not even a letter to explain why his mother hadn’t sent him any sweets. But there was post for me, the one than never got any letters. Sirius writes to me often and it’s nice to read about his efforts to further fix up our house. He said Remus has brought him a box filled with old photos from when they went to Hogwarts and he looks forward to showing them to me. He even included a photo of you two smiling at each other as teenagers. I put the photo up on the wall next to my bed, next to the drawing of me and Draco that hangs there.

That morning we had Herbology and Care of Magical Creatures. During Herbology I could see that Draco was still upset that his mother hadn’t written to him, so in between our classes, I pulled Draco behind one of the greenhouses and kissed him senseless. It helped put a smile back on his face and I had been wanting to do that ever since we got back at school. I’ve missed Draco during summer break, more than I can admit. Sometimes it feels like I’m incomplete when he’s not around. Is it supposed to feel this intense when you are in love? I don’t think Blaise and Luna are this obsessed with being together all the time as Draco and I. And Hermione wasn’t like this when she was with Ron. Sometimes I’m scared that Draco and I are to close, but then he smiles at me and everything feels right and I can’t help but smile back.

Care of Magical Creatures was, how to call it, I think interesting is the best word. Hagrid has bred Blast-Ended Skrewts. They look like deformed, shell-less lobsters and are horribly pale and slimy-looking. They have no visible heads and legs stick out in very odd places. And the smell is like smelling rotting fish. OH and every now and then, sparks fly out of the end of a skrewt, making it propel forward. We had to feed them that first lesson, which was kind of hard since they didn’t seem to have any mouths. Draco didn’t like them at all, since they could burn, sting and bite all at once. And I had no idea how to make it so that these creatures sounded useful or less scary for him. So I just let him hover behind me while I tried to feed them.

After lunch we had division, and Professor Trelawney didn’t waste any time to predict my oncoming doom. I have again difficult times ahead of me. I’d almost fallen asleep in her class, my head resting on Draco’s shoulder when Professor Trelawney made me pay attention and said I was clearly born under the baleful influence of Saturn. Draco laughed next to me, but the professor paid him no attention and went on, saying I was born in midwinter. I corrected her and said I was born in July and by then Draco had to hide behind me to hide his laughing.

That evening during dinner Draco and I got into a fight. Blaise was coming up with all kinds of ways to get passed the age restrictions for the TriWizard tournament and I’m not even sure anymore what happened but it ended with me and Draco shouting at each other. I think I said something nasty about Draco’s parents and he got really upset saying he didn’t want to see me anymore. I yelled back that he didn’t need to and turned around to leave. Blaise later said that Draco was crying by the time I had turned my back and reached out his arm to grab me, to stop me. But before he could reach me there was a loud bang and someone roaring: ‘Oh no you don’t laddie!’. I turned around to see Professor Moody walking towards us, his wand pointing right at a pure white ferret that was shivering on the stone-flagged floor, right where Draco had been standing. Draco was nowhere to be seen. I took me two seconds to realise what had happened. Professor Moody had turned Draco in a ferret.

I screamed at the professor to turn him back, but the professor just asked me if Draco got me. I didn’t understand and stated again that he should turn Draco back to himself. Draco, as a ferret, ran towards me and I knelt down to pick him up, but the professor pointed his wand at Draco again and he flew ten feet into the air, fell with a smack to the floor and then bounced upward once more. I screamed for the professor to stop, to leave Draco alone, that he didn’t do anything, that it was just a silly fight, that I love him and that Draco didn’t try to attack me. Only the professor didn’t seem to hear me and just made Draco bounce higher and higher. He was squealing in pain and I didn’t know what to do to stop the professor from hurting Draco.

It was Professor McGonagall that stopped him in the end. She came into the hall, took one look at the scene and asked professor Moody if the ferret was a student. When he said yes, she took out her wand and turned Draco back to himself. He fell to the floor, his braided hair all messed up and his face pink and filled with tears. I don’t really know what happened next with the professors, I just hurried towards Draco and took him in my arms and told him I love him and that I was sorry. He said he was sorry too and we kissed briefly. Then Moody appeared next to us and told Draco that he would keep an eye on Draco, that he should tell his father that he’s keeping an eye on his son and that next time he tried to hurt me he won’t get off this easy.

As you can understand, most of the Slytherin and Gryffindor fourth year didn’t like Professor Moody that much after this incident. I even went to Professor Snape to complain about it. He said he would have a word with the headmaster about professor Moody his actions. It was clear that Professor Snape also doesn’t think very highly about Professor Moody. He told me to come to him straight away if the professor would again hurt Draco in any way.

And I’m glad Professor Snape is on our side with this because things only got worse during our first DADA lesson. We made sure we were on time to be able to get a seat at the back of the class. Blaise and Greg took the seats in front of us and Hermione and Daphne were in front of that. Neville and Ron took the seats next to Hermione and Seamus and Dean were in front of them. It was no surprise that the other Slytherin students (Nott, Crabbe, Pansy and Millie) had already taken up the other seats at the back of the class. It was well discussed in the Slytherin common room that Moody had it in for our house. None of us wanted to be up and close to him during lessons.

When Professor Moody came into the classroom he told us to put our books away and started to explain curses to us. Talked about how we needed to see the curses that could be done to us to learn how to defend ourself against them. He asked us if we knew which curses are most heavily punished by wizarding law. None of the Slytherins rose their hands, but some of the Gryffindors did. Moody pointed out Ron, asked him if he was Arthur Weasley’s son and smiled at Ron. Ron named the Imperius Curse. Moody said that most student in our class would know about it since a lot of their parents apparently were victim to it. Then he took out a spider and put the curse on it, he made it do funny things at first and most students started to laugh. Until he explained that he now had total control over the spider and that he could make it do terrible things to itself, like jump out of the window or drown itself. And then the trouble really started. He talked about that years back a lot of witches and wizards were being controlled by the Imperius Curse and that this made it impossible for the Ministry to sort out who was being forced to act, and who was acting of their own free will. He continued on with saying that he knows who’s parents were not under its control, even though they had claimed to be. He walked right up to me and Draco and looked at Draco and said: ‘Most of them should be in Azkaban, but somehow they are still free and respected. Don’t think you will get any freebies in my class. Most of you will fail my class, I’m sure of it. Most of all you, Mr Malfoy. You don’t fool me with, just like your father wasn’t able to fool me.’

After that, he moved on to the second curse, the Cruciatus Curse, which Neville had mentioned. Moody enlarged the next spider and then muttered Crucio. The spider’s legs bent in upon its body, it rolled over and began to twitch horribly, rocking from side to side. And over time the spider started to shudder and jerk more violently. It was then that Hermione shouted at Moody to stop it. I looked at her and saw she wasn’t looking at the spider but at Neville, who’s hands were clenched upon the desk in front of him, his knuckles white. Later Ron told us that Neville’s eyes had been wide and horrified. Moody shook his head and stopped the curse and put that spider away. Moody said that this curse was once very popular too, that Mr Malfoy’s aunt liked performing it and that he hoped that he could teach young Mr Malfoy one day how it feels. I hated the way Moody was picking on Draco, but I didn’t know what to do against it.

And I didn’t really have the strength to do so after the final curse that Moody showed us. The last and worst, Avada Kedavra, the Killing Curse, was performed right in front of us. There was a flash of blinding green light and a rushing sound. Instantaneously the spider rolled over onto its back, unmarked, but dead. I just looked at the spider, remembering the green lights in my nightmares, the screams of you mother to plead for my life. I heard that Moody said that I was the only one to ever survive it and Draco took my hand in his, made me unclench my fists and stroked his thumb over my hand. I was aware that everyone had turned around to look at me, but all I could think about was that this is how you died. Had you been unmarked too? Was all you had seen a flash of green light and did you only hear a rush of speeding death before all life was wiped from your bodies?

Later, Blaise let us read over his notes about how Moody had gone on and on about constant vigilance and the Unforgivable Curses. I hadn’t heard anything after the little demonstration of the Avada Kedavra curse. Nobody had really liked the lesson. It wasn’t entertaining at all like the Ravenclaws had said it would be. It had been torture, for me, for Draco and for Neville. Hermione and Ron shielded him when we left the lesson, he still looked pale and upset. We were on our way towards them to ask if he was alright when Moody passed us and heard him speak to Neville in a lower and gentler growl than we’ve heard of him before and told Neville to come up to his office for a cup of tea. And then he turned towards me and asked me if I was alright. I spit at him that I was and turned to leave. Like I would want to have tea with him while he does nothing but talk about Draco like he’s the Dark Lord himself. I really hate that man and wished he never had become our DADA teacher. He’s ruining my favourite subject.

But that wasn’t the most surprising thing that happened that afternoon. Once Moody had taken Neville to his office, Ron and Hermione walked back to the Great Hall together and talked during a rushed dinner. I couldn’t keep my eyes off it, seeing Hermione smile at Ron. But then she hurried off, back to the library that she had been visiting a lot these last couple of days, leaving Ron to just stare at the doors where she had disappeared through.

Later that night, Draco told me why Neville had been so upset and why Moody had mentioned Draco’s aunt. His mother’s oldest sister is in Azkaban for torturing Neville his parents, and her favourite curse to use was the Cruciatus. Draco isn’t sure what happened to Neville’s parents, but we all know that he’s being raised by his grandmother, so it can’t be anything good. Draco told me that his aunt Bella and uncle Rodolphus were loyal followers of the Dark Lord. That they still are if he has to believe the stories his father told him when he was younger.

But enough heavy stuff and talks about dead parents. I need to tell you about Hermione and her obsession with house-elves rights. She has gotten all upset about the house-elves. When she found out that they work without getting paid, or getting sick leave and pensions, she stopped eating for a while. She said it was slave labour. Draco dismissed her at first, said she shouldn’t be so silly and so Muggle-born (I’m so proud that he never slips up anymore or even has to think about it, but just says Muggle-born instead of Mudblood as he used to). I told him that I get why Hermione is upset, that I can see why it might not be fair on the elves that we use them like that. Draco said that they liked it, that it was their place. I throw back at him that I pretended to like it when my aunt and uncle used me as their slave, just to make sure they didn’t find another reason to hate me. That shut Draco up and we had a long talk about how Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia used to treat me. Draco still thinks that is different from the situation with the elves, but he at least doesn’t dis Hermione anymore when she starts with her S.P.E.W. talk.

S.P.E.W. is the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, an organisation Hermione has started this year. She told us all about it during our first joined homework session in the Great Hall on Saturday. She explained to us that Elf enslavement goes back centuries and that the short term aims of the organisation are to secure house-elves fair wages and working conditions. The long term aims are to change the law about non-wand use and getting an elf into the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. It cost two sickles to join and until now I think Hermione, Ron, Neville, Luna and I are the only members. And Ron only joined because he wants to get back together with Hermione, Neville joined because he’s Ron’s best friend and I joined because Hermione is mine. Only Luna has joined because she thinks it’s a good idea. None of the Slytherins want to join in, saying that he elves like to do their jobs and that they are treated fairly. Hermione is upset about it, but I told her that it’s just that they are used to have elves serve them, that it is how they’ve grown up. I said that maybe over time they would see that they deserve better treatment, but that we have to educate them first.

And as you might understand, that was my biggest mistake of the year. Never tell Hermione she needs to teach people. She’s started to put together a plan to show our friends that house-elves are mistreated and that thinks need to change.

I told Sirius what Hermione was up to and he wrote back to wish her good luck with trying to accomplish the impossible. I also wrote to him about Moody and his mistreatment of Draco. I know Sirius doesn’t really like the fact that Draco and I are together, but he said that I should tell him when Moody goes too far. And that he would write Moody to ask him to tone it down a little, to not think that my friends are the same as their parents. It’s nice to see Sirius look out for me and Draco. I’d never known how good it is to have an adult that will always be on my side, no matter what happens. So thank you for making him my godfather and making sure I’d have someone now that both of you are gone.

I love you and I miss you.

Harry James Potter

[benjamingarden]

Making The Switch To A Whole Food Plant-Based Lifestyle

This post contains affiliate links. Affiliate links come at no extra cost to you. These links allow me to share the products I authentically recommend (and use) and support Cobble Hill Farm by receiving a small commission. When I was 13 years old I declared myself a vegetarian over dinner one evening.  This news did not go over very well.  At the time we lived on a hobby farm in Washington State where we raised pigs and cows for meat and chickens for eggs.  I had come home the day before to see something that changed my world.  The bus dropped me off at the end of our quarter mile long driveway.  As I walked down the driveway, alone,  I could see a strange vehicle backed up to the barn.  I panicked.  I had no idea who it was, where I should go, or what I should do.  We lived in farm country which meant acres and acres of crops between houses. As I got closer I started to develop a game plan to sneak around my house so that I could (hopefully) enter without the person/people noticing I was home.  Just as I was coming around the corner on the driveway, a man walked to the back of the vehicle and swung the back right door out. And there it was. An animal carcass. And I knew it was one of my animals.  MY animals – the ones I was responsible for taking care of every single morning before school and every single afternoon after school.  MY animals – the ones my parents let me name.  MY animals – my friends, because I was an only child, that I would spend afternoons with, telling them my hopes and dreams that I couldn’t share with anyone else. I was absolutely devastated. My plan to discreetly enter my home was now gone by the wayside and I ran, full speed, to my house, grabbed my house key with my shaking hand, and flung open the door to call my mother at work.  This time, rather than the usual “I’m home” phone call, I was crying and screaming and downright angry.  Angry that I’d lost one or more animals in this manner, angry that the animals were my responsibility yet no one bothered to let me know the grand plan, and angry that I had no idea which animals were now gone, only to end up in that bland white freezer paper in the stand-alone freezer. So, that evening at dinner, still angry from the events of the day, I declared myself officially a vegetarian.  My mom and step-father chuckled, not understanding why I was so upset.  Not surprisingly, this upset me even more.  Their callous response to my devastation was certainly not making me feel any better about the situation.  My mother smiled and challenged me with “you can’t be vegetarian – you’ll eat meat, you like chicken”.  I responded by telling her she was wrong.  And then, in my 13 year old wisdom, I came up with what I thought was a legitimate statement that would put them in their place.  I stated “if Michael Jackson can be a vegetarian then so can I”.  And with that, I was a vegetarian for the next 13 years. The problem with having been a vegetarian was that I wasn’t a healthy vegetarian.  This means that, although I didn’t eat meat, I still ate junk – French fries, candy, chips, etc.  Although I’ve always loved vegetables, I didn’t eat a majority of my meals plant-based and I certainly did not eat a healthy amount of legumes and/or whole grains. And this is the problem with the terms “vegan” or “vegetarian”.  That although it may exclude animal products, it doesn’t concentrate a lifestyle based on plants and whole foods, leaving you with an unhealthy, albeit meat-free, lifestyle.

Switching To Plant-Based Whole Foods Lifestyle So why, after eating meat for 20 years have I now switched to a plant-based whole food lifestyle?  For health reasons. It all started with Netflix….. I’ve been told, since the age of 22, when I was first diagnosed with allergies that would result in severe sinusitis, that if I would just cut out all dairy products I would notice a significant difference in how I felt.  I thought it was absurd.  First, I’m not allergic to dairy.  Second, who can give up cheese?  Third, what would I put in my coffee if it wasn’t going to be milk or half and half? And so I’ve suffered with constant congestion and 2-4 severe sinus infections annually for the past 24 years.  I’m severely allergic to dust, cats, and some molds and mildews and test positive for a minor allergy to dogs.  As you know, I have a cat, 2 dogs, and many chickens whose litter is full of dust, molds and mildews……I certainly don’t help myself out at all.  Two years ago I’d about had it with sinus infections.  I just couldn’t catch a break.  Each time I would go on antibiotics to get rid of one, someone in my office would come down with a cold, and I’d immediately get another sinus infection.  The dairy thing kept playing in my head. Last year I ended up with 3 severe sinus infections in a row.  When I went to urgent care with the first one, I was told I had fairly high blood pressure.  I'd been told it was on the high end of normal at my last annual appointment, which was new since I’ve never ever had high blood pressure before.  On the second trip to urgent care, I still had high blood pressure which told me it wasn’t a fluke.  The third time, after hearing the news again, and being so sick I couldn’t even stand myself, I wanted to figure out what I could do to take control over my own health.  I’m sure the blood pressure is very much related to the amount of stress I endure from juggling everything, regardless, since I wanted to continue working outside the home as well as our own business and needed to figure out how I was going to holistically treat this. Sitting at home, head pounding, coughing constantly with a nose running like a faucet, I had nothing to do and nothing to watch.  So I watched Netflix.  I didn’t feel like watching a series or a movie so I watched documentaries.  I watched them on both Paleo lifestyles as well as plant-based whole food lifestyles.  And that’s when I decided that I would give up dairy (I never have had it again since that day) as well as meat.  Although I do eat chicken or fish from time-to-time, for the most part, I now only eat plants and whole foods.  Although I didn't salt my food often, I also stopped adding salt (although I still add a small amount when cooking).  And I feel great!!  My blood pressure dropped significantly and I’m no longer in danger of needing medication to decrease it.  I have more energy, feel more "awake"/clear-headed and no longer have the daily congestion.  All because of a dietary change. I opted for plant-based whole foods as opposed to paleo because I wasn’t convinced paleo was healthy.   It’s a personal choice that I believe was the right one for me. Switching my lifestyle wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it would be once I had a few ideas for meals.  My big hang-ups were:

what would I put in my coffee, and 

would I have to make 2 meals since J wouldn’t be switching? 

I have yet to be satisfied with any of the milk alternatives, as it relates to coffee, so I drink it mostly black with a splash of Betterhalf (unsweetened).  And yes, I am making 2 different meals since J told me he has no interest in changing to the same lifestyle.  Some of my main dishes I can serve him as a side dish, but others he has no interest in so I make 2 completely different meals. Eating out was a tad difficult since almost every single vegetarian option is loaded with cheese.  I tried eating a bit of cheese once and I could feel it in my sinuses immediately.  So I usually eat chicken or seafood when we go out if I can't find a better alternative.

coffee is a must!

What I Eat I’m a huge believer in Dr. Michael Greger’s advice in his book “How Not To Die”.  The book is quite voluminous as he speaks to many health conditions including what specific foods can harm as well as what can help.  His cookbook, also called “How Not To Die”, gives a much smaller synopsis of his actual book in addition to over 100 recipes.  One of the nice features of Dr. Greger’s books is that he has his list of recommended “daily dozen” which helps me with what I should be eating. Dr. Greger's daily dozen: • 3 servings of beans (I typically only do 1 or 2 at lunch and/or dinner) • 1 serving of berries (this I eat with breakfast) • 3 servings of other fruits (I eat fruit after every meal) • 1 serving of cruciferous vegetable (I incorporate cabbage, kale, broccoli or cauliflower in lunch or dinner) • 2 servings of greens (I eat at lunch and dinner – breakfast if I have a vegetable & bean breakfast burrito) • 2 servings of other vegetables (I eat at lunch and dinner) • 1 serving of flaxseeds (I eat with my breakfast) • 1 serving of nuts (I eat in my oatmeal for breakfast) • 1 serving of spices (turmeric every day) (I drink 1 cup of turmeric tea everyday) • 3 servings of whole grains (I eat oatmeal almost every morning for breakfast, have grains with a salad or soup for lunch, and a grain with dinner) • 5 servings of beverages (I drink hibiscus tea twice a day, turmeric tea once a day, usually a juice of greens and ginger once a day, and water) I realize this list looks overwhelming but remember “servings” are ¼ - ½ cup (depending on the item), so it really isn’t hard once you start to vet it all out.  Dr. Greger recommends going oil and sugar free as well.  So I’ve taken his outline and added my “occasional” items – chicken and seafood, olive or coconut oil, and (rarely) sugar (I try to use dates/date suger, coconut sugar, maple syrup or honey). My typical day: Breakfast – almost always oatmeal with berries, soaked raw nuts and flaxseed, and coffee (coffee is always) Snack – fruit + hibiscus tea Lunch – soup or salad incorporating beans, greens, other veggies and whole grains.  If I don’t eat greens with lunch, I usually drink a “greens” juice (no fruit juice because it spikes your blood sugar without the fiber – just greens, ginger, and a squirt of lemon) Snack – fruit + turmeric tea Dinner – comprised of beans or (wild caught) seafood or (free-range organic) chicken occasionally plus vegetables & whole grains Snack – fruit + hibiscus tea

The reality is - I feel better than I could have ever believed.  I didn't have any aches, pains, etc. but I believe that any internal inflammation I had is gone or at least significantly decreased leaving me feeling good.  Also, animal products give you a fullness beyond satisfactory fullness, in my opinion, and I no longer have that.  I would guess that these two factors are a big reason for my increased alertness and overall general health. What I Don't Eat:

I don't eat any grilled meat any longer.  There's just too much research pointing to the high levels of carcinogens carried in grilled meat.

I don't eat, in general, any "replacement" meat.  I am not a fan of non-sausage sausage, or non-chicken chicken (tofu or tempeh).  If I want tofu or tempeh I add it to the dish, but I don't make or purchase any of the mocked up replacements.

I try to stay away from anything not on the Real Food outline.

I try to avoid carrageenan.  And it's difficult......it seems to find it's way into nut milks and non-dairy creamers.  Although I suspect in a small (and infrequent) consumption it's ok, it worries me to consume it regularly.  You can read more about it on Wellness Mama.

I've heard from many of you that after 8 months or so of only plants, legumes & whole grains you no longer felt your best.  I believe eating a little bit of meat/seafood protein as well as a little of the oils (based on the real food factors) from time-to-time is what has helped me.  I did not eat any meat at all for the first 8 months and would feel a bit "off".  I'm not sure how to describe it.  Since I began eating meat/seafood at least twice a month (only a small portion each time) as well as cooking a little bit with oils again, I have gone back to feeling great.  I also found that eating meat twice in a week was a bit too much.  You've got to listen to your body.  It's all trial and error I guess....

How about you?  Have you made any significant changes to your lifestyle in the past year?  I'd love to hear what you've found works and doesn't work.

Making The Switch To A Whole Food Plant-Based Lifestyle was originally posted by My Favorite Chicken Blogs(benjamingardening)

[memsmedic1]

Meetings, training, and travel 05/02/17-05/28/17

The bus arrived at Bangkok’s main bus terminal at 7 PM. I looked up where my first meeting was being held and decided to walk to the area instead of getting a motorbike taxi and make sure I had my bearings before the meeting in the morning.

I was 6 kilometers away from my destination, so first I stopped at a 7/11 which is Thailand’s one stop shop for just about anything delicious besides the markets and roadside stands and picked up some supper.

After a couple hours of walking I arrived in the area and found a hotel for the night since all the businesses were closed and shuttered.

In the morning I discovered that my gps hit was a little off but after asking directions I took a motorbike taxi and made it to my meeting with just a few minutes to spare!

I, along with two other team members were meeting with both the managing director and medical director of a Burmese logistics company who specializes in helping sick or injured patients find quality emergency medical treatment, escort, and evacuation in SE Asian countries.

One of my old friends from the US has done business with their medical director and suggested that we meet and discuss ways to collaborate, and since our ambulance project is bogged down we were looking for another project to work on that will give us hands on patient care in addition to all the training we are involved in.

After the meeting- which was a success- we drove several blocks to find pizza for lunch to celebrate and then we headed off to our second meeting.

This meeting was with the managing director of the AREMT, an international counterpart to the NREMT. Because of all the training we are doing in Myanmar we wanted to partner with an organization that will allow us to offer an internationally recognized certification upon successfully completing our courses.

After the meeting we decided to pursue accreditation and currently both our side and the AREMT are working on finalizing the details.

That evening after my teammates went back to Kanchanaburi I spent one more night in Bangkok before taking a motorbike taxi back to the bus station the next morning.

Because there was still a week and a half before our next training I decided to take the bus up to Chiang Mai and visit some friends for a few days!

After 11 hours on the bus I was at my destination and was picked up by my friends in one of our original Thai ambulances which we had to sell!

Over the weekend I was able to hang out and relax with my friends and their cute children. One day we all piled into the ambulance and drove a couple hours even farther north to the small town of Pai. Pai is well known for the amazingly scenic drive up into the mountains before dropping down into a small valley where the town is. It it also known for its amazing street market that we were hoping to get to in time for lunch!

When we were about 10 km from the town we drove into a wall of torrential monsoon rain and were worried that the market would be completely shut down but when we arrived we were happy to see that we had beat the rain!

After stopping at a giant Buddha that stands guard over the valley and racing up its 250+ stairs with the kids to burn some energy, we drove down to the market.

Barely had we started to look around though when the tropical rainstorm caught up to us and it started pouring. We quickly grabbed some food and retreated back to the safety of the “ambulance”.

On the drive back up out of the valley we were amazed to find that the entire road had flash flooded after we passed and now there were large basketball sized rocks strewn all over the road as well as fallen trees, power lines, and a thick layer of sand and mud in places. We were glad for the knobby tires and high ground clearance as we negotiated all the obstacles!

On Sunday we went rock climbing on some volcanic cliffs outside of Chiang Mai. We climbed three routes including a crevice that was really challenging and a lot of fun!

Early Tuesday morning I had to say goodbye and headed to the bus stop to go visit my friends at Sunshine Orchard on my way back to Myanmar.

Once I arrived at the bus station, I discovered that my options weren’t so fantastic. I could either wait for 1 hour to get a bus that would only take me within 60 miles of the closest songtau circuit or I could wait for 5 hours to get a bus that would go all the way to the songtau route.

So since I still had 5 days until I had to be back I decided to go exploring!

I bought a seat on a small van that was driving to Mae Sariang Thailand which is southwest of Chiang Mai close to the border and several hours north of Sunshine Orchard.

The views along the way were phenomenal. Beautiful jungle mountains with little towns and villages dotted along the way. All the farmers rice paddies are green and lush and there were little well-tended garden patches behind all the huts.

Some of the coolest rice paddies I’ve seen in Thailand were along the way. Because the mountains are so steep the jungle farmers don’t have hardly any arable land so in between each hill they cut into the bases of the hills and widen the area between them to plant in. The cultivated areas are sometimes only 30-50 feet wide and are steeply terraced. They plant the rice in the terraces and it gets watered from rain runoff.

When we were maybe two hours from our destination we drove around a sharp corner and found that a car had failed to make the corner and flown off the very steep edge of the road and become trapped in the trees and vines about 20 feet below the road and 15 or 20 feet above the ground!

Fortunately everybody was out and the police were there and a tow truck was trying to attach his winch to the car so he could pull it down!

After a while we arrived in Mae Sariang. I found it to be a nice town, much smaller than I was anticipating, and not geared towards tourists at all like Pai is.

Striking off in a random direction I found a guesthouse to sleep in and hung out all my wet clothes to hopefully dry over night.

In the morning I went to the market and bought some dragonfruit, mango, and apples and started walking down the road towards Sunshine Orchard eating my breakfast.

I could have just gone to the station and waited for a songtau but I felt like walking and letting one catch up to me.

After 45 minutes a man on a scooter passed me and then turned around and came up beside me. Surprisingly he spoke excellent English and wanted to meet me and find out where I was going. After introducing ourselves and visiting for a few minutes, Mr. Nong San invited me to visit his house and wait for the songtau there.

After agreeing I jumped on the back of the scooter and off we went. On the way we stopped at a little roadside shop where he bought us both something to drink......It was the first locally made energy drink I’d had since I started working in SE Asia- the kind that looks and tastes like it’s made out of bulls blood, monkey testosterone, and caffeine with a shot of fresh coca tea- 😖.

After that experience we drove about 10 minutes further down the road to a very nice house set well off the road and surrounded by potted tropical plants.

After inviting me inside Mr. Nong San made coffee and we sat and talked at the kitchen table. I found out that Mr. Nong San legally immigrated to Thailand from Burma with his family 70 years ago. In 1966 he immigrated again to San Francisco and lived in the USA for 50 years teaching Thai in New York City and other places before retiring and moving back home.

One of his favorite hobbies is coin collecting and he showed me some of his amazing rare coins from the US and around the world. He also is a rare coin seller and urged me to let everyone I know know where to buy the best coins!

After an hour he said that the songtau would come soon and even though he sells coins he gave me a beautiful and rare Thai baht as thanks for visiting him! I gave him a dragonfruit as a token of thanks and got my backpack on.

I thought I would just walk out to the road and wait but Mr. Nong San instead drove me all the way back into town and got me all set with the songtau before going!

The songtau eventually got me to my destination and I spent that afternoon and the next morning with my friends at Sunshine Orchard before continuing on via songtau to MaeSot. I spent one night in MaeSot and crossed the border into Myanmar on the 12th to help finish preparations for the upcoming EMR course.

Monday, May 15 the EMR class went live with 40 students! First there was an opening ceremony with local religious and government leaders giving short speeches, next a emissary group from Taw Win foundation in Yangon that we helped Z-Rescue train gave a speech and donated a projector as a thank you gift. Finally classes could get underway!

Or so we thought… Just after the first lecture had started one of the main sponsors for Z-Rescue who was also helping support this training asked if he could make an announcement. He announced that he would donate the uniform he was wearing to the student with the highest grade, and then he proceeded to strip right up on stage, using a longyi as a changing room!

Just in case that wasn’t a big enough incentive he pulled out a stack of 100,000 kyat (about $75.00) and threw that into the pot also! Of course, this performance got the whole class riled up and laughing and we had to take another break before we could really start.

This training is unique because it’s the first time we’ve had any other instructors besides the ones on our own team, and this time we have 4! So we have high hopes that their training will be dynamic and informative.

The afternoon of the first day of training we were honored to have two of our Swiss and German sponsors visit us. They have assisted us with sponsoring classes before and are finally able to come check us out in person!

By the afternoon of the second day everything was going according to plan when I received a call from the logistics company I had met with in Bangkok. They said they had a critical patient and asked if we could help them. We were still working on the necessary paperwork to allow M-EMS to contract for them, and the proposed start date was still a couple months away because we were still missing some key supplies like a cardiac monitor to be truly ALS.

I reminded them of this and they said that was ok because we were the only in-country team available so I hurriedly packed my backpack and double checked the aid bag and rushed to make it to the bus just before it left (there’s no airport in Myawaddy).

My translator and I took the night bus to Yangon and then took a taxi to the airport where we met the rest of the rescue team, a flight doctor from Bangkok and a communications specialist from the logistics company.

We chartered a Cessna Caravan and took off for towards our patient who was in northwest Rakhine state near the Bangladesh border.

Our flight plan had us at only 12,000 feet, so for most of the way there we were constantly zigzagging around trying to avoid the thunderheads of the monsoon.

The town of Sittwe is situated on a low peninsula in the Bay of Bengal, and as we descended to land I could see dozens of tiny fishing boats and canoes below us on the water.

As our plane touched down there was a loud noise and we suddenly tilted sideways and went shooting off towards the edge of the runway. After vibrating and wallowing to a stop, we climbed out and saw that the left side tire had blown!

The airport sent out a little truck to collect us, and after we got to the terminal we went outside and found the ambulance that was waiting to take us to the patient.

Our patient was a 32 year old French tourist who had tried diving into one of the nearby rivers and found out it wasn’t as deep as it looked. He hit a rock and scalped himself from the top of his head all the way down to his eyebrows.

First he was taken to a local clinic where they controlled the bleeding and then he was transferred to the hospital in Sittwe.

After we got to the hospital we went to the patient and found him laying in an open ward right next to another patient who looked and sounded like he had a terminal case of pneumonia or TB and had a giant unsecured oxygen tank standing upright between their beds.

The patient was extremely relieved to see us, and we were relieved to see that he was as in good shape as he was.

We completed our assessment and cut off the filthy dressing that he had on and discovered that the hospital had done an incredibly hacked up suture job without cleaning underneath first and the wound was starting to become infected. Amazingly he had no cranial or cervical vertebrae fractures per X-ray and no neck pain or neurological deficits. (He did have a headache for some reason though!)

After cleaning as best we could and re-dressing his injury and administering antibiotics we settled down to wait because the flight company had to send a new plane for us!

After we received word that the plane had arrived we loaded up our patient and rode in the ambulance again back to the airport. The airport had towed our old plane off the runway to over in front of the waiting area and the replacement was taxied up right beside it, not a confidence booster for our patient!

The flight back was uneventful and after landing in Yangon my translator and I transferred the patient to the hospital, and after waiting to make sure he was admitted and would be taken care of we took a taxi back to our apartment, exhausted.

We spent a couple days in Yangon waiting to find out if the patient would need to be evacuated out of the country or not and then took the bus back to Myawaddy on Sunday the 21st just in time for the second week of training.

I can’t say about the rest of week one but week two was fun with lots of scenarios and hands on skills practice interspersed in the lectures!

One night we were requested to go to the local hospital to see a patient. One of the government officials who was at the opening ceremony was sick and wanted us to look at him. He was also unhappy with the doctor who was taking care of him and wanted a second opinion.

After arriving at the hospital we were taken to a large open ward with 15 or 30 other patients and after visiting with and assessing our patient concluded that he had probably had a new onset seizure.

We asked the doctor if we could look at any labs or paperwork to confirm or find a differential but he was extremely unhelpful and wouldn’t share any information with us. I went back to the patient and asked if he could remember any medications that he had been given. The patient had a package he showed me that had Valproate which is for seizures!

Since there was nothing we could do for him we wished the patient good luck and a safe transfer to the Thai hospital in the morning and went back to our guesthouse.

After the classroom portion of class was over the final written and practical exams were taken, and overall the students did very well. We only had 3 students fail out of the 30 that stuck it out for the whole two weeks! Our highest scoring student was with a rescue group who came all the way from Sagaing region and he made a 96% on his written final! He was presented with the prize money and clothes from the sponsor in addition to his certificate and was so pleased he couldn’t stop shaking my hand and even smelled the clothes in front of the class 😆.

We had a graduation ceremony and then we packed all our manikins and teaching supplies up and loaded everything into the van In between downpours.

After spending one more day in Myawaddy some of us took the van and some of us took the bus back to our apartment in Yangon arriving on May 28th.

[marketinggangster]

How I Lost 41 Pounds - My Weight loss Journey

New Post has been published on http://thomaswooldridge.com/lost-41-pounds-weight-loss-journey/

How I Lost 41 Pounds - My Weight loss Journey

  I have been overweight for many years now. According to some medical experts I have become Obese.

The biggest weight I ever had was about 246 pounds and at 5’9″ was not a good fit for me.

My health was going down and I had to make a change or I will be held hostage in my own body.

What I am going to explain to you is how I got started and finally how I ended up using the Keto diet.

Like I said earlier I balloned to nearly 250 pounds and knew I had to fix it. I really hated to see myself in photos. Don’t let me be in the middle or front and I look like a giant compared to others. My face and head looked like it can take over the whole entire photo!

The strange thing is that you become comfortable with who you are and then you start to neglect whats important in life. I’ve become complacent with who I was.

Last December 2016 I was signing up for life insurance. One of the requirements was too off course get a blood test and speak a with a traveling nurse. I had to get the life insurance updated and getting this medical test was inevitable.

I told my insurance person to try to delay it out so I can drastically improve my health. He gave me two weeks.

Not sure what I can do in two weeks but I was able to loose about 20 pounds since the beginning of the year. During the month of December I was about 235 pounds. Exactly one year before that I got sick and caught walking pneumonia. I was in bed sick for nearly 1 week. During that time I was able to drop my weight to 221! But slowly I was able regain the weight back up.

What I did to bring my weight back down to 235 was simply Calorie in and Calorie Out. CICO

Basically I would eat around 2,000 calories for the work week Monday to Friday and then Cheat meals over the weekend. Eat anything I wanted!

The way I controlled my calories is by doing Sunday Meal Prep. Basically I purchased all my food bulk and make everything on Sunday. I would be cooking Beef Pot Roast in the slow cooker and at the same time baking chicken in the oven. On top of that I would have all four pots cooking on the stove of various vegetables stewing.

The strange thing is that you become comfortable with who you are and then you start to neglect whats… Click To Tweet

In the sink would be full of vegetables like Kale, Spinach, Celery, and carrots all being in the process of chopping up.

Sunday Meal Prep. Photo From Strictly Fitness Meal Preps

Start putting things in little sandwich baggies and Tupperware. Some was packed into the freezer for ready made dinner meals. I even got really good at making Mason Jar Salads.

Here were a few problems that I was having for this setup. Yes I did loose the weight but this Sunday Meal Prep was taking too much time (8 hours at times) and I was eating way too much on my cheat days.

But now back to 2 weeks before I get my medical exam for insurance.

Started thinking about what I can do to loose the weight and get back healthy again.

I started thinking back to what I did while I was sick. Didn’t have an appetite and thought about basically fasting my weight. Had no clue to what my weight should be to get the prefered weight but just went at.

It was difficult and failed miserably but I will say I did loose 4 pounds,, haha

Needless to say 5’9″ at 231 pounds still was considered obese. There was some good results. Most of my blood tests were in the normal range just my weight was too high.

Now fast forward to Christmas 2016 and I was taking a long drive to my in laws (About 3 hours) after I got out of the car my ankles were swollen to the point that I couldn’t bend them anymore!

I was concerned,, was this a diebties? Was this an illness?

Did some research and found out that this was pretty normal for people sitting for a long period of time. But normal for unhealthy obese individuals

TIME FOR A CHANGE

I did what people normally do in the month of January when it comes to my weight loss. Join a Gym.

I ended up picking a gym that I was on my way to work. That was Planet Fitness. It was only $10 a month well more like $15 a month if you add that annual fee they charge.

The first few weeks I was focused at going to the gym every day. It was great but the problem was it didn’t last. Waking up an hour early to head to the gym was not all to fun for me. I rather go to work early then waking up earlier than I normally should do.

Something had to change

FOCUS on DIET

I was listening to a Tim Ferris Podcast about the legendary music producer Rick Rubin. He talked about the amount of weight he loss (Over 200 pounds) just by focusing on diet first. Basically he and Tim mentioned that before you start exercising you need to figure out your diet.

The first process you need to correct is choosing the right kind of diet. Once you become discplined then adding exercises will be much easier. Too many people fail because they try to do both. Technically you don’t need to exercise to loose weight. You could lose weight by sitting in the bed all day. Hence that time few years ago when I got pneumonia.

So I started cutting my calories in half and reduced the cheat days from all weekend to just one day. Increased my vegetable greens and reduced my sugar/carb intake.

  Focus on your Diet before you start exercising to lose weight #diet Click To Tweet

Mindset training

Fast forward to February 2017, My weight loss is slowly getting traction but still not like what I wanted. Still was hovering around 230 pounds. I stumbled across a Youtube video about a guy named Wim Hof. This guy has broken bunch of Guinness Book of records

Wim Hoff did things like swim under artic ice cold water, hike up Mount Everset with his shirt off, marathon run across the Sahara desert without drinking any water.

The man is a super human but he explained what he did ANYONE can do. Simply just by doing his breathing method and Ice cold shower exercises.

I did it and I was hooked the very first time. Cold showers was tough but took some time to get use to. The biggest benefit of Cold Shower is that it burns FAT!

After breathing I would meditate for another 5 minutes and sometimes would fall asleep and wake up totally refreshed. I typically do these sessions right before or after noon.

Cold Showers burn FAT #wimhof Click To Tweet

You Gotta establish goals

I started to realize that I need to create goals and speak about them daily in order for me to get on the correct traction. This is what I learned while listening to Earl Nightingales the “Strangest Secret”.

What I did is put my target weight loss every Friday. What I did was put my target weight for the summer. On June I wanted to be under 200 pounds. I counted the number of weeks and subtracted the amount of weight I had to loose.

The number I came up with was to loose 2 pounds a week. My goal was so much clearer now. I just need to loose 2 pounds a week! How simple was that. I couldn’t believe that just simply putting my goal on paper made it so much easy.

My Daily Routine.

Every Morning I would print my daily schedule and write all my tasks of the day. I used this method while listing to a podcast about Deep Work. What I did added what tasks I was going to do at what hour of my time.

At same time I would journal about my weight. Every morning I would weigh myself and journal about it on my daily schedule. Typically it was something like. This morning I weight X and getting close to my target weight loss of X. I will walk an extra mile during my lunch break to burn some extra calories. Etc etc etc.

This helped me become highly productive and more focus.

Another Hit on my health

I had some serious issues with my teeth. I absolutely hated going to the dentist. Also it didn’t help that I didn’t have any dental insurance. My fillings in my back molars had fell out last summer of 2016. I can bare the pain and my gums got little tougher. Only issues was that it was constantly irritating that food would get caught and I would constantly pick and my teeth to remove it.

One day during lunch I felt like again food was caught between my teeth. Not having any toothpicks I broke of a tip of a plastic fork. Used it to Jam it between my tooth and then blood started gushing out my mouth.

I cracked my tooth right off!. I immediately went to the dentist.

The dentist was like “hey we haven’t seen you in 4 years! How is it going”  Yea they was funny, but they said my records showed that I had high blood pressure and before they worked on me they had to check it.

The hygenist took my blood pressure and it was like 175/130! I explained to them that I was just shocked of the broken tooth but they refused to work on me without a note from my doctor that it would be ok.

The doctor still looked my teeth and said it does need to pulled because of the decay but can wait til I get my blood pressure back down.

Drastic Change was needed

http://gty.im/590010056

I stumbled across a diet I never heard off and it was called the Keto Diet. Basically you have to eat FAT. It was very similar to Atkins diet which I heard of but it was all about the protein. Keto was all about FAT and low Carbs and sugar.

This is what I gotta try out.

Good news is that the first week on the diet was like WHOOOSH. Lost a lot weight but it was going up an down. The keto diet in the beginning is basically losing lots of water weight.

I am not going to lie that the first three weeks was very tough. Eliminating carbs and sugar was very hard to transition. I was like a crack head trying to go cold turkey. I felt like Pookie in the movie New Jack City

What I had to do is replenish my body with the right electrolytes. Even made my own recipe of Lite Salt, Magnesium, Himalayan pink salt, and lemon juice.

I kept pushing and now finally became Fat adapted. Basically I had reduced the use of insulin in my body and use my stored FAT as energy rather than carbs and sugar.

It’s not the end but still the beginning

I am still learning new methods to tweek my daily ritual. Started adding Bullet Journal and Intermittent fasting to my regime. Who knows what else I will be adding but that is my journey.

So far as May 7th, 2017 I can say that My mind is so much clearer and my body is burning fat everyday. This morning I weighed myself and got 205 pounds. That is almost 41 pounds in over 1 year.

Lets Review my Method AKA TWOOL9 STACKING Method

Focus on Diet first (Not heavy exercise)

Mindset Training (Wim Hof method and Meditation)

Establish Goals and Keep track by using Bullet Journaling

Daily Cold Showers

Add Exercises.

Here is my Open Source Weight Tracker for Public Viewing https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_XkvFXVAazjF4n2xPr4RdJ20sEf-6fKi3Z85a1wzV3U/edit?usp=sharing

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1HpV6E4bnFghRp3zFUpDu2IbDV12aJcb2Cp009BtJXHo/edit?usp=sharing

Make sure you subscribe to email and keep in touch with my journey.

Here is a video of how i got started.