#but maa opened my eyes and now i feel silly

[ramayantika]

People really think that bankers in India just sit in their ac cabins and twirl in those chakke vale chairs??

[ritsufeet]

don’t forget to kiss me!

kisses [ ft. s. ritsu, k. mika ]

or else you’ll have to miss me! in which ritsu won’t let you leave his side until you pepper him all over with kisses, and mika will ought to miss you if he doesn’t.

inspired by glue song from the one and only beabadoobee !!

all works from luvmouche and ritsufeet on tumblr

𒁷 sfw! happy late valentines! :)

𒁷 cw// lots and lots of smooching, clinginess, normal college au, blushing, flustered mika, ritsu’s so cheeky and cute im gonna bite his face off, mika’s so silly lalala

happy (late) valentine’s day, have this instead of a new smau chap (which will come soon, probably) i hope you’re as giddy as i was while writing this silly fic made from pure imagination (ritsu please come home)

sakuma, ritsu

as soon as you wake up, all you feel is a pair of hands running their cold fingers around your body and snaking them around your waist tightly, clinging onto you like a kitten.

you rub the excess sleep from your eyes and attempt to escape……. it’s useless. your snugly boyfriend just won’t let you go!

he whines and cries for you not to leave him, especially since it’s valentine’s day. you had to get up at some point in time, right?

well… you were wrong. you stayed in bed with him for at least another 15 minutes. you were sure he’d fallen asleep again and you attempted to escape,,, again. didn’t work the last time, wouldn’t work this time.

how would you get out of his grasp…… what a pain. this cheeky brat.

“ritsu… i need to get up.” you groaned, turning to face him. his eyes were lidded, barely even awake. long, pretty eyelashes and ruby irises blink and open to the sight of you frowning. he pouts, “but.. it’s valentine’s day. you’re supposed to stay with me, you know? you’re so unfair,, i can’t have a single day with you without you leaving me to go somewhere else. do you not love me anymore?”

you softly chuckle, running your fingers through his nappy hair and kissing his nose. “of course i love you, ritsu. wouldn’t it be more fun on valentine’s day if we actually got up and did something?” he pulls you closer, burying his face in your chest. “so warm… i could spend all valentine’s day doing nothing if all i had to do was sleep with you.” he mumbles, rubbing his hands along your back.

“..seriously?” you pat his head, huffing. he nods, “seriously. i don’t need to go anywhere or do anything, as long as i’m with you—nothing else in this world matters.” you can’t help but smile at his words, pulling him in closer. “nothing else? not even your dearest maa-kun?” you tease, but ritsu obviously did not like that with the way he pulls away from your chest and frowns. “don’t bring maa-kun into this, (name)…” he pauses, cupping your cheeks and pressing his lips to yours. “i love you both equally… maybe you a little bit more if you’d stay with me.”

“what a shame that i can’t stay longer, hm?” you feign a sad face, looking down at the sheets and avoiding looking him directly in his face. ritsu frowns once more, kissing you along your jawline. “fine.. i guess if you wanna leave so bad, i’ll let you……on one condition, okay?” your ears perk up and you’re met with a disappointed, sulking ritsu. ���oh, don’t be sad, my love.”

you kiss his forehead, then under his eyes—next thing you know, you’re peppering gentle kisses baked with genuine love all over his face and he can’t help but let up his sad facade and smile like an idiot. once you finally pull your lips away from his face, you can see the blush that’s dusted all over his cheeks.

“you know that wherever i go in this world, there’s not a single moment where i don’t have you on my mind. there isn’t a single time where i won’t return back to your arms, so don’t be sad, okay? i promise.” you push his hair back, placing it on his ear. “i love you, ritsu. now, what are your conditions?”

“…well. i can’t say no to you now…” he sighs, his arms leaving your waist and his hand now holding yours. “plus, you’ve already met them, so just go on already… i’ll be waiting for you, don’t break your promise, okay? i’ll seriously never forgive you if you do, and i won’t ever hold you again…” he says, kissing your hand one last time.

kagehira, mika

oh, sweet mika. he’s been so busy with work that he’s practically forgot about you!

at least, that’s what he’s worried about. he’s never known someone as gentle, loving, and patient as you.

he wanted to show his appreciation for you with a gift, just like how oshi-san taught him! with just a little bit of sowing—his love etched into the needle and the fabrics of his creation—and the glue that’s sticking him to you. :)

it took so much of his time that he thinks you’ll be mad that he hasn’t spent as much time with you as he should… he misses you so much, it’s driving him crazy. your voice, your touch, and most importantly—your lips.

so don’t be too surprised when he suddenly drops everything at his feet to see you, embracing you so tightly and never letting you go.

you were so surprised that you nearly lost your balance before he caught you. “m— mika? what’s wrong? this is unusual…” you giggle, rubbing his back. “ah…! ‘m sorry, (name)… i haven’t been payin’ much attention to ya, have i?” he withdraws from your body and fiddles with his fingers, nervously. you shake your head, “it’s fine, mika. it’s not like i’m going anywhere anytime soon, so don’t worry your pretty head off.”

his mismatched eyes look at you, desperate to say something. you tilt your head, curious. “do you have something to say, mika? go on, you can say it.” you smile, gently taking his hand and giving it a few squeezes. “right… i made a lil’ somethin’ for ya… i hope ya like it, (name)!!”

it was a pretty white bear, decorated with a lovely pastel pink bow with an adorable yellow bell on it’s neck and a cute ‘x’ on the eyes. the nose black, and ears a shade of pink. it was stitched carefully, and put together with the love of your sweet, hard-working boyfriend. “this is why you haven’t been seeing me lately? you’re so cute, mika. don’t think for one second that i’ll be upset just ‘cause you haven’t been paying attention to me, silly.”

you pinch his cheeks as softly as you could, and press a kiss to his forehead. “thank you so much, my love. i’ll cherish it until the day i die.” his whole face turns a cherry red, but his eyes glint with overflowing happiness. “b- but yer not dyin’ yet, (name)! ‘m gotta marry ya first!” he spurts out, and you laugh. “and i’ll happily accept your proposal, mika. always. thank you so much, dear. i love you.”

“‘m so happy,, i could cry… i love ya too, (name).” he grins, then he looks at the mess he made by dropping everything all at once on his desk. he panics, “i gotta clean this up b’fore oshi-san gets angry.. this is bad! will ya help me, (name)? ‘m so sorry…” he rushes to his desk, picking up the small needles that dropped onto the floor. you chuckle, “i’ll help. don’t worry, it’ll be like you never dropped anything in the first place.”

a/n: happy valentine’s day!!!!!!!!!! i’m sorry my posting schedule is so inconsistent and lacking…….but i’ll try to get off of my hiatus as soon as possible. here’s a small valentine’s day fic to make up for the loss

(normal fic taglist) taglist - @kzmeru @kavehsring @envyemu

[savoies]

three times you told sidney if he wanted kids and one time you told him you were gonna have a kid.

Pairing: sidney crosby x reader.

Summary: the title says it all.

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: maybe one bad word and hints of sex.

A/N: thank you to caitee@pierreslucdubois for helping bring up this idea and enjoy my first 3 + 1 fic. also the current divisions aren't present here.

taglist: ​ ​ @nhlpetey @mitch-slap ​ @frostythegoalman ​ @ryanssuzuki  @aria253264 ​  @josty ​ ​ @kaitieskidmore1 ​ ​ @kiedhara ​ ​ @laurenairay ​ @teenagekook ​ ​ @alxvlasic ​ ​ ​ @hockeyallthetime ​ ​ @barzy-baby ​ ​ ​ @officialgritty ​ ​ @bowenbyram ​ @mems06 ​ @joshsandersons ​  @connormcdavo ​ @maattamatthews ​ ​ @pierreslucdubois ​ ​ @selenophileangel ​ @boqvistsbabe @ana-maa ​ @stars-canucks @quinnhughxs

​tagging some buds: @npatrickz @beauvibaby @heybarzy @tkachuk-yeah @cozycozzy @2manytabsopen ​

(*credit to gif owner*)

I.

You and Sidney had been dating for a few years now. Seeming more like a married couple overall anything. No one really talking about what the next step was or what your future would look like. Honestly with Sid it was more about just seeing what was to come and that everything would come when the time was right. Being basically somewhat married already except not having the title, rings, and wedding.

It was your three year anniversary. Both of you really not wanting to do anything special since you were kind of over that. He had practice earlier in the day but had asked his coach if he could leave a bit earlier.

You at home making your guy's favorite meal. Setting up everything before he arrived home.

~~~

Much later after the meal and a few glasses of wine both of you sat on the couch ignoring the sound of the television and just talking about whatever came up, and for you it was kids.

"Hey Sid have you ever thought about having kids?" You looked questionably at your boyfriend not really ever having brought it up before.

"I mean yeah of course. Teaching them how to play hockey like how my dad taught me, why?" He asked as his soft smile was illuminated by the light of the tv. 

"Just curious" You said as you placed your head on his shoulder and watched whatever silly rerun was on tv.

II.

Before Sidney had gone on a road trip you had spent the night and most of the day in your room. Wanting to spend every single minute together trying to memorize every single inch of each other like you guys didn't already know everything about the other.

Bringing you to one month later. Sidney currently being somewhere on the West Coast and you standing in your bathroom waiting for the five minute timer to go off.

You had been feeling sick the past few days. Thinking maybe it was something you ate but it sooned dawned on you as your friend was talking about her pregnancy symptoms. 

So now here you stood in your bathroom. Waiting. And waiting. And waiting. You had texted Sidney earlier just a quick text along the lines of a hypothetical situation of you being pregnant and what his reaction would be which he replied to with a simple id be excited.

Now weren't sure how to feel as the timer went off. Did you want to be pregnant? Were you gonna be sad if you weren't? Was Sidney gonna be okay with you not being pregnant? Your breath unsteady as you turned around the test and saw that it only had one line indicating that you were in fact not pregnant.

You let out a breath but you felt a sadness overcome you. Then you remembered what Sidney always told you. The right time will come. 

III.

Baby showers. Some people loved them and some people hated them. Honestly some people just thought it was a way for women to tell their husbands they wanted another kid.

Your friend had been expecting and now here you were at her baby shower/gender reveal with Sidney.

Both of you sitting in one of the corners of the backyard participating in all the silly baby shower games. 

Sidney seemed to be quite into them more than you and you laughed at his enthusiasm to win the prizes.

"Sidney honey you do know you don't have to play every game right." Your eyebrow raised as he had his nose stuffed into a diaper trying to guess what chocolate was smeared on it.

"I don't know about John over here but I want to win the prize." He said as he pointed over at your other friend's husband currently in the same situation as Sidney in trying to guess the chocolate.

You laughed as you got up to get a drink and stood by the table overlooking everyone and in the corner of your eye you saw your very pregnant friend waddling to you.

"Y/N!! I'm so glad you are here." She smiled at you definitely having that pregnancy glow that everyone talked about.

"Happy to be here. This all turned great. " you smiled.

"So are you next?" She looked up at you with her eyebrow raised.

You choked on your drink as you processed her words. You definitely did not expect to be asked about kids at her baby shower.

"Wait have you and Crosby not talked about it?" She looked at you as she registered your reaction.

"We have a few times but it hasn't come up recently." You looked over at him still trying to beat your friend's husband in another game.

"Hey Crosby." Your friend yelled across the lawn as she waddled to your boyfriend.

"So you planning to knock up Y/N soon?" She crossed her arms as both of your eyes widened.

"Oh my gosh, i can not believe you just said that." You said shaking your head.

"Well we aren't really trying right now but if she gets pregnant then i'd be happy." He said as he looked at you and smiled.

+1

Sidney had just gotten back from a game. One of the games that really mattered. The season was wrapping up meaning they needed to step their game up and try to get as many wins as possible.

Of course Sidney being Sidney came back with a win. And couldn't wait to show you how much your support meant to him.

You had taken a test earlier in the day after he left. Having been more hopeful this time since your symptoms were definitely stronger.

Now here you sat on the couch waiting for him to walk through the door and tell him that your life was about to be different. 

"Y/N babe i'm home." He spoke up as he set his things down.

"In the living room." You yelled back. "I need to tell you something." You said as you patted the seat on the couch next to you.

"Oh ok. Everything ok?" He asked as he searched your eyes for a sign.

"Yeah, at least i think so. Can you close your eyes for me please." You said as you grabbed his hands, opened it, and placed the pregnancy test on them.

"Ok you can open them now." You said.

"Wait. No. Are you serious? Is this for real? Are you fucking with me?" He asked as his thoughts registered in his mind.

You shook your head as a few tears pricked at your eyes.

"You're pregnant." He said as he hugged you tightly. "Oh I'm sorry, can't be hurting the baby." He said with the biggest smile on his face. Sidney was right, the right time did come.

[footballdaydream]

hey! you wrote something a while ago about dom saying i love you for the first time but in his sleep and i’d love a part 2 if you can please!!

Part 1

When you woke up the next morning, you slowly opened your eyes, the sun that was shining through the window, slightly blinded you as you stretched yourself a little bit. A soft smile appeared on your lips as you remembered what your boyfriend had said to you last night however as you turned on your side, the smile fell slightly off your lips as you noticed that Dominic wasn’t even next to you anymore. A bit confused you sat up in bed and looked around your room, but he was nowhere to be seen. He’s probably downstairs somewhere, you thought to yourself before you got out of bed, slid into your shoes, and made your way out of the bedroom.

As you were walking down the stairs you were already able to hear music coming from the kitchen, the smile appearing on your lips again as you walked inside the room and saw Dom standing there, his back turned in your direction. You quietly made your way over to him, immediately wrapping your arms around him from behind as you felt him jump lightly, a slight giggle leaving your lips. “Oh my god, you scared me.”, Dom said to you as he turned around and saw your amused expression on your face, his own smile appearing on his lips as he lightly shook his head. “Who else should be here in this house? Or were you expecting someone else?”, you asked him, an eyebrow raised as you looked up at him. “Don’t be silly.”, he told you amused before he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on your lips, wishing you a good morning.

The two of you prepared breakfast together, did the dishes and talked about what plans you had for that day seeing as though Dom had a day off. However, in the back of your head, you always heard these three little words being repeated. You wanted to ask him about it but you didn’t really know how to bring it up. After you were done getting ready for the day, the two of you were cuddled up on the sofa seeing as though you hadn’t decided what you would do that day.

Now or never, you thought to yourself when you absentmindedly played with his fingers. “Oh, by the way, did you sleep well last night?”, you asked him, your eyes never leaving your hands as you bit your lip nervously. “Of course, I did. I always sleep great when I’m next to you.”, he said, making you laugh as you shook your head lightly. “And did you dream something last night?”, you finally questioned curiously, your heart beating a bit faster as you lifted your head lightly and looked up at your boyfriend, seeing him with a confused expression on his face. “I can’t remember. Why are you asking?” Dom looked down into your eyes, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “You talked in your sleep.”, you mumbled, kind of sad that he couldn’t remember it anymore but there are so many people who didn’t remember their dreams, right?!

“What did I say?”, your boyfriend asked curiously, sitting up properly. “Not that important.”, you said, sitting up as well as you averted your eyes from him however Dom wasn’t having it. He lightly cupped your cheek with his hand and turned your head in his direction, a gentle smile gracing his lips. “Obviously it is important seeing as though you asked about it.”, he stated, making you sigh lightly. “Tell me.”, Dom urged when you didn’t answer him right away. “Well, it’s really silly and maybe you didn’t even mean it but … you .. you told me you loved me.”, you said to him, your eye contact never breaking. Dom could feel the heat lightly rushing up to his cheeks however a bright smile appeared on his lips before he leaned down and suddenly kissed you. You were a bit taken aback, nevertheless you kissed him back as you felt him wrap his arms around you and pull you on his lap. “I love you.”, he whispered against your lips once you two pulled away, your eyes opening immediately. “I meant it even though it was just a dream or some sleep talk. I love you YN.”, he told you honestly, the heat now rushing up on your cheeks as you couldn’t help but kiss him again. “I love you too.”, you whispered, kissing him again and again.

Tags: @footballerimaginess @champagne-coys @footballxwrites @donkeykai @ana-maa @domspeach

[ratabrasileira]

Are we talking about cats or a baby?

One-Shot

Trigger Warning: None

Disclaimer: Characters belongs to Sarah J. Maas.

Summary: When Helion appears with two kittens in their house, Rhysand doesn't receive it very well.

Notes: It was inspired on my dad's relationship with our cat kkkkkkkk. Enjoy the reading!!

“You did what?!” Rhysand exclaimed in the middle of the living room.

The sun was almost hiding itself behind the trees, some of its rays still could pass through the leaves and hit right in the big windows of the room where Rhysand was trying to not scream. Inside, the ambient was so comfy and cozy that whoever had picked the furniture made it with an excellent taste.

“But, baby, they were alone and sad. Tell me, how could I let them alone in this freezing cold?” Helion rebated, holding two little forms in his big arms.

“What cold, Helion, we’re in spring!” Rhys looked flatly to his boyfriend, who was visibly trying to not laugh. Helion knew how Rhys would react to this, although he also knew how he would like them.

Them was; two beautiful and cute kittens that Helion somehow found when he was picking some plants to his experiment. The littler one had a black fur and deep-blue eyes. When Helion putted his eyes on the little creature he could not to let to remember about his lover. The other, Helion thought to be a male, had a white fur, but with some black spots here and there. Helion thought them to be the cutest thing in the world. Of course, right after his boyfriend sleeping opened-mouth.

“I know we are in spring, my moonlight, but they’re babies and babies need home and some parental figure, if not they’ll be cold!” Helion said before heading to the couch where he left the two little cats with a blanket around them. “You’re an example of that with that father of yours— Oh, look! Look how cute they are!! I think I’ll name the black one as Rhysie.”

“Wait— What? You can’t. You won’t —Helion?!” But Rhys stopped arguing, because his lover was going to the kitchen to pick the bottle of milk that was inside the icebox —a magical device to conserve food. Rhysand was feeling exasperated “Helion, listen to me, god damned!”

Abruptly, Helion turned back to Rhys, who almost collided with him. Helion hold Rhys shoulders and gave him a too-well-known look and a light smile in his face. “Why can’t we have cats, Rhysie?”

“It’s not that we can’t. It’s that you brought two cats here without my opinion!” Rhys contested holding Helion’s shoulders too. They were like that, holding each other’s shoulder, Helion smirking to Rhys and Rhys with furrowed brows to Helion.

“So, it’s ok to have two cute little kitties here!” Helion kissed the tip of Rhysand’s nose before putting milk in a baby bottle that Rhys had no idea where it was from. He got so astonished that, for a second, he forgot what was going on. Helion could be a little… chaotic sometimes.

“Wait!” Rhysand screamed before following his lover. “I didn’t say that—”

“I can’t believe I’m living with someone who doesn’t like animals.” Helion rolled his eyes with exaggerated gestures and sat beside where the cats were cutely snuggled. It made Helion’s heart to warm up a little.

“Of course, I like animals, I’m with you, don’t I?” The joke was awful, Rhysand knew that, but the desire to annoy his lover was bigger. He didn’t mind that Helion hadn’t wanted his opinion anymore.

“Oh, fuck you!” Helion said looking to the cats to ignore Rhys’s face “At least it is better to be an animal with a warm and big heart than a soulless with a questionable character like you!”

“Soulless with a questionable character?” Rhysand laughed. “Love, I thought we had got through that.”

“Well, maybe now you’re showing your true face saying that you don’t want two helpless babies here!” He pointed to the kitties who were now fighting for the baby bottle. He wished he could had found the mother of them, but he searched, searched, searched and didn’t find her. It was the ultimatum to bring those little home.

“I didn’t say that either—” Rhys tried to contest.

“And seriously how can someone like you to be my beloved. I must have a very big heart indeed!”

“Your beloved?” Rhys said slyly behind the couch and putted his arms around Helion’s shoulders.

“Unfortunately!”

“You love me” Rhys whispered, his arms going to Helion’s chest while he let some kisses in his neck. “And I love you” with that, Helion couldn’t handle. Even if it was annoying, he loved when Rhys uses to ignore his drama and distract him with kisses and lovely words.

“Not in front of the kids, Rhys” Helion seriously sighed, but Rhys knew the joke that it was and let loose a light laugh before turning Helion’s face to kiss him, deeply and lovely.

***

It is not like Rhysand doesn’t like animals. He likes it, but far away from him. He has already a lot of things which were more important than to take care of nasty creatures that would only waste his free time. And now, apparently, Helion’s free time too, as it wasn’t enough to reconcile being two heir of different courts.

“Oh, Rhysand, seriously?!” Mor exclaimed, putting her hands in her hips. The tray of tea that she brought was already on the table between him and his brother Cassian. “You’re a soulless with a questionable character, indeed. It’s just a cat and they’re very cute!”

“Mor is right” Cassian said, putting an arm around Mor who have just sat. “They’re kind of cute and it’s not like you’re going to take all the responsibility, Helion will be there to help you”

“Kind of cute? Nah, I remember those cats who used to steal my food, enter in the cabin, sleep on my clothes, which by the way were full of fur. I doubt that they are going to be cute.” Rhys argued. He still remembers the hard time that it was to take off all the little white furs from his black clothes.

“Ok, but are we talking about cats or a baby?” Azriel quietly asked from Rhys’ side. The shadowsinger as always was with his usual semblance, although Rhys could feel the humor leaning on him.

“Don’t compare a baby with a cat!”

“Az is right, you’re taking this too seriously, Rhys. Relax, see how it’s going to work and don’t let the trauma make a bad memory of those lovely animals!” Mor teased with a fake serious expression, getting a laugh from Cass and Azriel.

“Oh, because it wasn’t you how had to take all the pile of fur to look presentable. My clothes were awful in that time”

“Well, that’s why I had a dog, a fox, that couple of mice and an owl... you remember Athena, don’t you?” Mor said, her mind far away.

“I do, she was amazing. May she rest in peace.” Cassian said and made a religious gesture. He and Morrigan used to send letters through Athena to each other, usually silly and dirty letters.

“By the way” Mor kept “When we will meet your babies?”

“Never” Rhys answerd.

But when he got home and saw his lover sleeping faintly in the bed with the two kitties curled on him, Rhys couldn’t think a bad thing about those cute little things, even more because Helion was glowing slightly. The glow that Rhys knew very well that was from a genuine happiness.

Rhys tiptoed to the bed and lied beside Helion’s side and hugged him, trying to not wake up him and the cats. But before Rhys could let a soft kiss on Helion and close his eyes, he silently whispered “I love you”.

Rhysand didn’t see the smile that formed in Helion’s face.

Notes: Any grammar mistake, please call me out!

[a-mythical-lady]

Books and me.

14 years ago

(Age: 7)

It was bedtime and maa had just made my bed when I heard the front door open. Papa was home from work and I could hear bhai running to see papa and tell him random stuff. I bet papa listened to everything, despite being tired. After that, he came to my room, "Look what I got you" he said, and extended a book to me. I was confused as he had never brought me a book before. It was a book called Panchatantra. A story of an old rishi who gives life lessons to his five shishyas at the gurukul through stories about nature and animals. I was excited about getting my first book and begrudgingly, maa let me stay up later than usual. That night, sprawled on my bed, I was entranced and fascinated by all the different stories and scenes and talking animals. The next morning, I woke up by myself and finished the entire book by noon.

The next thing I know, I'm collecting comics and storybooks and getting addicted to them. Piling up tinkle comics, Archie's and Amar Chitra Katha was my only goal. Every train journey to my native place involved dragging papa to the railway station bookstore and getting myself a comic book for the train ride. I begged my parents to subscribe to storybooks along with the daily morning newspaper, and they relented after a lot of coaxing. Then, every Monday morning I'd wait eagerly for the newspaper boy to deliver my weekly dose of happiness with books of chacha Choudary, chandamama, and champak. Soon, this became an obsession that even my parents started noticing. Maa began hiding my copies of storybooks during the exams and giving them back only after all my exams were done. I began pestering papa to get me more and more books every day. Sometimes he would get me a double digest edition of tinkle and I'd be ecstatic and over the moon. It's amazing how something so small and silly used to make me so happy. I'd re-read the same books once I'd gone through my entire stash of new books. Out of desperation, I'd read anything I could lay my hands on. In school, we used to get all our term textbooks a month before the reopening of a new academic year and my English textbooks fell prey to this obsession of mine. I'd know all the lessons and stories by heart before the school year started. I think that was one of the reasons for the nerd label I got in school. I even started reading stories from the Bible, borrowing storybooks from another girl in my neighborhood. Little did I know that this was only the beginning.

10 years ago

(Age: 11)

One fine summer afternoon, bhai was busy watching tv in the living room and maa and papa were at work. We had free rein on the tv as it was the summer holidays and I had free rein on my books. I was lazing around in my room and started searching the entire house for something new to read. And finally, I found a book among bhai's things. It was probably a gift. It wasn't a comic book or a usual storybook. This one was an actual book. A novel. And it had no pictures. I was skeptical but boredom got the best of me and I decided to read a few pages to pass the time. It was a hardy boys book, written by Franklin W Dixon. After reading a few pages, my 11-year-old brain almost exploded with fascination. The style of writing, the mystery, the suspense of the entire book drew me in completely and I knew then, this was a turning point in my life where books are concerned. I felt almost grown-up. And so I read the 200 page novel with wide eyes and a bursting heart in 3 hours, without even getting up to pee. I went and told bhai about the new book I read. He laughed it off. I told maa and papa when they came back from work. "That's good beta", they said. I was disappointed that they didn't feel the same exhilaration that I did. Papa still got my books whenever I asked him. For the second time, I found myself collecting and piling up books. All of the hardy boys and Nancy drew collections. Once again, I was entranced, trapped yet alive like never before in a whole new world.

After that, a multitude of options lay before me. I dived headfirst into reading mystery and moved onto classics written by Charles Dickens, The Bronté sisters, Mary Shelly, and even a dash of Shakespeare. I fell in love with David Copperfield, Oliver twist, treasure island, Jane Eyre and Frankenstein.

But eventually, buying books so often became a chore and at the pace I was reading, with one book hardly lasting a day, we couldn't afford to buy as many books. So, then one day, maa and I set out on a goose chase all over the city looking for libraries where I could borrow books from. At last, we found an old government library inside an even older building that looked almost haunted. And as we bravely stepped into the barely holding up building, we only found old uncles reading newspapers and gossiping. Thankfully, there was a rack of English fiction. Just one single rack. Although mildly disappointed, I was determined to make do with that. I got myself a membership plan and my reading palette had its first taste of Indian authors. That one rack had a fair collection of young adult books, standalone contemporary novels which sated my hunger for quite some time. While other people gushed over my habit of reading books, my parents were a little concerned. But as I started writing my own speeches in school, improved in my speaking skills, I'm sure they were convinced and over time, I think they accepted this obsession of mine. Or at the very least, were forced to.

6 years ago.

(Age: 15)

My love for reading only grew and now I had a book beside me during breakfast, lunch, and dinner which my parents barely tolerated. I even started planting a book in every corner of my house for easy access, under the coffee table, by my bed, on my study table. While kids my age sneaked mobile phones under their pillows, I sneaked in books to read.

After a few years, I finally met a kindred spirit with a shared love for reading. He was older than me and introduced me to books by Dan Brown. I listened with rapt attention to the plot of the book and I immediately knew that my days of reading hardy boys and young adult books were over. It's crazy how transitioning between genres and different types of books made me feel older and mature over the years. Few pages into the Da Vinci code and I fell, hook, line, and sinker. I finished the entire 500-page book in a day. Back then, I was pretty adamant about having my own copies of books and collecting them, which I guess stemmed from my childhood obsession with collecting comics. Soon, I'd exhausted the books at the old library and had no other option but to trade in my precious books for second-hand books at a wholesale book store very far away from home. Because they were at a secondhand rate, I could now afford more books and although the pages were worn out and yellowed, I was happy. The already folded pages, notes in the corners of some pages jotted down by the previous owner made me feel oddly connected and attached.

Present-day

(Age: 21)

As I grew up and left my teenage years behind, life and boards got in my way and there were gaps when I couldn't read no matter how hard I tried. But once I found my way back to books. I knew what I was missing and knew that I would never stop reading again. I still read books by Dan Brown, Sydney Sheldon, and Nora Roberts. I found quite a few talented Indian authors. Books by Durjoy Dutta and Ravinder Singh made me fall in love with contemporary romance and light humor. I've moved on to reading books on my phone now. I miss turning pages of an actual book, but on the bright side, I get to read countless books anytime and anywhere I want. I've explored many genres over the years, murder and crime thrillers, romance, contemporary, dark fiction, and comedy, and read them accordingly when the mood strikes.

If there's one thing that has been a constant through my childhood, it has been books. Reading is a huge part of my life and very close to my heart. Words and writing mean so much to me. Books have been my solace, my safe place, my companions as I grew up, my fantasy land, and my hiding place all rolled into one. I've cried, loved, smiled, and laughed with books and I can't describe how utterly grateful I am to maa and papa for getting me my first book when I was just 7 and letting me explore my love for reading.

Although, there's one thing I'd like to admit. There's this one genre that I've never read - non-fiction and strangely, I'm still very skeptical about it. But you never know, over time I might come to like that as well!

MAJ

[elains]

BOOK REVIEW: HOUSE OF EARTH AND BLOOD, Crescent City Book I, by Sarah J. Maas.

First off, my sincerest thanks to @scraphim, who listened to my comments and rants with the patience of a saint and encourage me to put them down. Second, english is not my first language, so my apologies if there's anything confusing or awkward.

General Rating: ★★ 1/2

THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CUT HERE OUT OF COURTESY BUT TUMBLR MOBILE IS BEING ITS IMPOSSIBLE SELF SO DO MIND THE RATING BEFORE CONTINUING.

Congratulations, Sarah J. Maas. You got me to sit down and write a review for a book, something I hadn't done (officially, anyway, might as well count the endless conversations with my friends) in a long while. Unfortunately, House of Earth and Blood was one more disappointment in an ever-growing list, and this review was born not out of pure, simple enjoyment, but of how much reading this bothered me.

Let me start by saying that I wanted to like this book. I did. I don't buy books which I don't think there's a chance I will not enjoy, I have way too much to do with my life and little money to spare on that. I hoped Sarah would go back to the early days of ToG, when the writing wasn't so choppy I kept questioning what is her problem with commas and when the characters weren't more and more of the same. Or perhaps that she would go back to ACoMaF, which at the time I loved reading.

Silly, silly me. The thing about having an eye-opener to something is that you can't go back. It's not so simple to close your eyes and pretend the bad doesn't exist, doing so feels irresponssible. I'm not sure her books have changed much, perhaps it was just me, the reader, whose perspective changed.

Let's go into the detail, then. Warning for spoilers of her previous books:

• THE LENGTH. It. Is. Ridiculosly. Long. I would say that length itself it's not necessarily a bad thing, something can be long but engaging. HoEaB's problem is that it drags on, to the point I had to put it down I don't know how many times out of frustration that nothing relevant happened. The infodumps do not help AT ALL, making the whole experience even more tiresome. I'll talk about worldbuilding separately, but jesus, so much unecessary information whose only purpose was to add to the wordcount and could have been woven into the story more organically. Readers are not dumb, they can make simple inferences, you don't need to explain every little detail.

The story only picks up and runs like the devil itself is chasing it in the last like, 20 chapters or so. Considering there are 97 of them... Yeah. It could have been a shorter, more direct and overall just more engaging.

• THE WORLDBUILD. I'll give Sarah J. Maas a point: it is more elaborate and refined compared to ToG and ACoTaR, whose worldbuilding are in general quite shallow and in the later's case, nearly nonexistent. However, the use of names blatantly lifted from real-world mythology and places bothered me to NO END. In a book which is built around those mythologies as their main source of inspiration, I can understand. Not here. Look, Maas can come up with original fantasy names, there are even some in HoEaB itself. But unless it's meant to be purposeful and Crescent City is to be Earth All Along, it's just jarring and feels lazy. It's not something new— refer back to the Illyrians and the Myrmidons.

Archean? Valbara? Pangera? Hel? REALLY? And those are just place names. Might as well name something Proterozoic. Or Laurasia.

The Roman inspiration, which was supposed to be a big thing from all her talk felt extremely loose and barely there. Oh sure, there are legions, a governor, the SPQR/M, and some names which to me, a portuguese speaker, where so cringy I had to laugh (Like Gelos and Cervo. You know, literally Ices and Stag or in that case Hind), but they did not feel Roman to me, naming aside. You could literally have named them anything else and it'd still have worked.

We studied Rome (mostly the government and the legal system) in our first semester of College and it might be the student in me, but I kept wanting to see more of the government structure, the politcal system itself. In a book that dealt with law enforcement and figures in places of power, this was a part of the worldbuilding that felt lacking, and a wasted opportunity to expand on the Roman inspiration.

What gets me is that some interesting concepts could have been explored better. I kinda like the idea of the Asteri, the rifts, the summoning salts.

• HUMANITY'S PORTRAYAL. Ahahaha. Where do I even begin with this one? In KoA, I hated that Aelin loosing her human side was seen as such a big sacrifice when the Fae were repeatedly shown to be "superior": stronger, more beautiful, immortal, the list goes on. Aelin herself preferred the Fae-side, so it felt a completely pointless sacrifice. In Crescent City, it gets even worse. Humanity is oppressed, trying to fight for their freedom and their inherent rights as sentient beings, and the books keeps going on and on about the Vanir.

Forgive me, but I'm supposed to be sympathize with the Vanir? To see the Vanir main-characters go on and change the world and make it better for everyone? I'm sorry but I'm not here for that. Bryce's mother and stepfather and Briggs aside, the HoEaB could have definetely used a human PoV or just. You know. ONE THAT DOESN'T FAVOR THE VANIR IN EVERYTHING. So yeah, I'm here cheering for the humans.

• THE CHARACTERS. I like Ruhn. He read like a concerned older brother, I could relate to that, not a possessive alphahole and I was baffled when Bryce kept insisting that. Oh, he has his flaws, but overall, I like him and his friends. They're nice. Danika, too. I would have liked to see more of Juniper and Fury, and them together, instead of using their relationship as kind of a surprise. Hypaxia is another Yrene/Sorscha. I also liked Lehabah, she was a sweetheart (Also I'm sorry am I supposed to think Bryce witholding the news on her freedom to throw a party WASN'T a WTF move? That Lele just knew because she looked at the documents???)

Now, to our main duo. I found Hunt boring. Simple as that. There was nothing in him that I found captivating, nothing new in terms of SJM's Love Interests. How he kept sexualizing Bryce in the most inappropriate of moments pissed me off. His and Bryce's relationship felt to me as Rowaelin 2.0, just as they themselves read as another versions of them, and not very different ones. He is not supposed to be an "alphahole" but... I didn't feel it. Hunt felt as just more of the same.

Now, Bryce Adelaide Quinlan.. Is it so much to ask for a main character who isn't gorgeous, super special, and super-powerful? I get the appeal of the trope, I'm no so hypocritical as to say that I've not indulged in it myself, but with Sarah, it feels overdone. When all characters are beautiful, special, so powerful it... kinda loses its meaning. However, that's not what bothered me about Bryce, no, it's the fact that she could be read as PoC (Golden, Tanned skin, two very ambiguous terms. My white cousin gets golden skin when she stays too long outdoors ffs), and as a PoC myself, reading her into those situations bothered me so, so much I cannot even begin to tell you.

Her curvy, sensual, bug boobs and butts are easily one of the more sought after where I live. People would go to great lengths for such a body and no, it will not hinder your dancing career. We have a word for it roughly translates to Hot, but having men call you that as something laid out on a table for their pleasure, objectifying you is horrible. And that's what most characters do in HoEaB: sexualize Bryce again and again, playing into harmful stereotypes.

My skin crawled reading those passages. I felt uncomfortable. And it wasn't even just the nameless, countless side-characters: it was Hunt himself. Every single move Bryce made was sexualized and I hated, hated it. "She's a Queen who owns her body and doesn't care for anyone else's thoughts" is all well and good, but women like me already have the stereotype of whores, sluts, homewreckers, and it was handled in such a tone-deaf way that it touched ALL of my wrong buttons. It was just uncomfortable, and cringy.

Two and a half stars, like those bad movies we still watch god knows why.

[theladyofdeath]

V O I D { E L E V E N }

Chapter 11. An ACOTAR fanfiction.

Nessian. Elriel. Feysand.

Previous chapters:  Fanfic Masterlist

“We all bear scars,... Mine just happen to be more visible than most.” ― Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass

Nesta didn’t know why she was standing outside of his apartment door, but she was. With Elain’s help, she had tracked him down and slammed her fists against his front door. He answered a moment later, chest bare and hair disheveled. He looked annoyed, that typically handsome face laced with anger and frustration.

He raised his brows, an implied what do you want making Nesta clench her fists.

“You’re Cassian,” she said.

Cassian’s jaw locked. “Aren’t you from that support group?” Nesta gave him a curt nod. “Sorry, not interested in coming back. I did my time.”

“That’s not why I’m here,” Nesta snapped. “You should see Hale.”

Cassian showed no emotion. His hazel eyes lost their fire, his body grew slack. And just as he began to shut the door in Nesta’s face, she took a step forward, stopping the door with a flat palm. “He hasn’t slept. He’s barely eaten. You’re all he can think about. Talk to him. Please. Hear him out.”

It was rare that Nesta asked anyone for anything. She nearly choked on the words as they left her lips.

“You seem to care a lot,” Cassian said, crossing his arms. “Are you his little whore?”

“I’m his friend,” Nesta spat. “And he’s a damn good man, so watch your tongue.”

Whore.

Tomas’ voice popped into Nesta’s mind, but she quickly shook it away as she beheld the man in front of her, lit with anger. People always said things they regretted when they were angry.

When they were sad.

“You don’t have to grow close with him,” Nesta said, words clipped. “Just talk to him.”

“And tell him what?” Cassian asked, that fire in his eyes returning. “That I finally understand why my father didn’t want me?”

His voice rose, the low growl echoing in the halls as Nesta went cold. She didn’t speak, didn’t break eye contact.

“My father was an addict! Do you know what it’s like to live with an addict? To constantly be ignored and dismissed because he was too drunk or high to care?” He took a step toward her, but that fire in his eyes was replaced with sorrow, with fear. “But why would he give a damn about his kids? Everyone else had given up on him. I know I did, a long time ago. And so did his parents. My father couldn’t be a father to me because his own father gave up on him when he needed him most.”

“That’s not true,” Nesta said, but her voice wasn’t as confident as she wanted it to be. 

“You don’t know anything about me or my dad,” Cassian hissed. “I don’t even know you! So don’t show up at my door expecting to drag me back to that rich bastard’s house.”

“You’re going to regret this,” was all Nesta said.

“Then I’ll be sure to add it to the list,” he spat, and slammed the door in her face.

Nesta stared at the chipped slab of wood. She thought tears would come, but they didn’t. She felt nothing. Nothing for Cassian, nothing for Hale, nothing for herself. Her body was empty, her mind a meaningless void. Her thoughts had vanished, and all she knew was that she was breathing, although she wasn’t sure why. 

It all seemed silly.

Life.

What was the point of it all?

You’re born, you live, then you die. And while you’re living, you don’t make a difference. Nesta had gone to Cassian’s, hoping to give Hale a glimpse of hope, but she had failed.

Another thing she had failed at. 

Nesta took a step back.

But then she thought of Hale. She thought of how she walked by his room the night before and heard him sobbing, thought of how he had saved her and taken her under his wing, thought of how their talks made her feel lighter, because he made her burdens his burdens.

Nesta stepped forward and knocked on the door, once more.

He didn’t answer, but she knew he was there. 

At least, she hoped he was there. 

“Don’t talk to him,” Nesta said, her voice cracking as she yelled through the front door. “But know that he wants to know you. And know that he loved your dad very much. I’m not a parent, and I don’t know why he chose to do what he did, but I believe his intentions were true. He’s a good man. We all make mistakes, and we all make choices that we grow to regret. But, he wants to know you, and he wants to be your family. He doesn’t know I’m here, so don’t think that he pushed me here….but I really think you’re missing out by pretending he doesn’t exist. He didn’t know you were even born before you came over. And now, all he wants, Cassian, is to know you. I don’t know what it’s like to be the kid of an addict, but I know what it’s like to be sad. I know what it’s like to completely hate who you are and to want to end the pain. I know what it’s like to not want to exist anymore.” Nesta wiped at the tear that fell from her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt as she took a step back, shaking her head. “You don’t have to talk to him, just know you’re not alone.”

And with that, she walked away.

~~~

Azriel used to hate running, but as he’d grown older, he found that it was a great way to clear his mind. He’d always struggled with guilt, had always struggled with everything. He’d grown up in foster care, never finding a good home. It wasn’t until he’d turned eighteen that he went out on his own, and luckily he had found good friends along the way to help him out.

But that guilt remained.

He wished he could take away their pain. Rhysand’s physical pain, and Cassian’s physical and mental pain. He knew Cassian was beating himself up, knew because although Cassian had a lot of problems, his heart was bigger than anyone’s Azriel knew. He wouldn’t answer his phone. Azriel kept trying him, but Cassian kept sending him straight to voicemail. 

Elain had been a great distraction.

She was kind, and beautiful, and genuine. 

But he had been pushing her away, too.

“Az!”

Azriel slowed down to a jog as he turned around, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt down to reveal his dark, messy hair.

Mor stood on the corner of Main and Second Ave, a reusable grocery bag tossed over her shoulder.

He gave her a small wave as he jogged across the street.

“Long time, no see,” she said.

Azriel forced himself to smile. “You know. Busy.”

Mor’s smile wavered. “How’s Cassian? I talk to Rhys quite a bit, but Cass won’t take my calls.”

Azriel nodded. “Mine either.”

Mor slowly nodded along with him before perking up. “Oh! So, I talk to Elain quite a bit.”

Azriel raised a brow. “Is that so?”

“She seems to be very fond of you.”

Azriel scoffed. “Yeah, right.”

Mor tilted her head to the side. “You’re fond of her, too.”

“Do you have to keep using that word? Fond?”

“Yes. Fond. You two are fond of one another, yet you haven’t asked her out on a date?”

“I’ve got to get back to my workout-”

“It’s not your fault, you know.”

Azriel just stared at her, unblinking.

Mor rolled her eyes. “I know you, Az. You’ve been beating yourself up, pissed at yourself for what happened, but it wasn’t your fault. Now you’re thinking that Elain’s too good and pure for you, which is why you won’t ask her out.”

Azriel blinked.

Mor’s smile softened. “You deserve the world, Azriel. Get out of your own head for a little while, will ya?”

Azriel chuckled, eyes weary as he looked away.

“Here,” Mor said, taking his hand and leading him to the other side of the storefront, where a flower cart stood. She paid the vendor for a small bouquet of pink roses and handed them to Azriel. “Go find your happiness.”

“But I don’t…” he hesitated, running a hand through his hair.

“Go to her house, tell her that she’s beautiful, give her the flowers, and profess your love to her. It’s that easy. Then, of course, call me and tell me how it goes.” She pushed the flowers into his chest then said, “Go.”

Azriel opened his mouth, then shut it before grabbing the flowers, giving Mor a real, genuine smile, and jogging back the way he had come.

~~~

“You seem out of it.”

Rhysand was sitting next to Feyre in the hot tub outside of their apartment complex as he brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes.

“Just been thinking,” she confessed.

“About?” he asked.

“What do you think about mental illnesses?” she asked.

Rhysand hesitated. “What do you mean? Like… do I think they exist?”

Feyre chuckled, humorlessly. “No, like… how do you help those who struggle? My oldest sister… I don’t even know who she is anymore. I do think she knows who she is. None of us know how to help, though. She’s… different than she used to be. Something happened while she was away at school that triggered it, but she won’t talk about it. She won’t talk about anything. I don’t know what to do. But, I want my sister back.”

Rhysand found her hand beneath the water. “Love her. Let her know that she’s loved, that she’s valued… that’s all you can do.”

“It doesn’t seem like enough.”

“Love is the most powerful force on the planet,” Rhysand said, staring at the bubbles coming out of the jet. “My mother has struggled with depression for her entire life. My dad, as you saw, is a total prick. Controlling, demeaning, cruel. My mom is a strong woman, but I’ve watched her struggle. Leaving home was the hardest thing I ever did, but she wouldn’t come with me. She’ll stay with my dad until the day he dies. But, when I tell her that I love her and that I’m thankful for her, that she means the world to me...I know that she believes it. She smiles, and kisses my cheek, and I feel like it gives her a little bit of hope, you know? It reminds her that she’s not alone, that she’s loved and that not all men are like my dad. But, then again, what do I know?”

Feyre cleared her throat, blinking so that the tears that were dwelling in the corners of her eyes faded away. “More than you think you do.”

Rhysand grinned. “Talk with her. If she doesn’t respond, it’s okay. But, talk to her. Remind her. Love on her. It may not seem like it makes much of a difference, but it will.”

“But what then?” Feyre asked. “It’s an illness. It’s not like it just goes away.”

Rhysand agreed. “True. But, as I said, love is powerful. It conquers all. Love her in spite of her illness, love her through the struggle. She will have bad days, but that love...it makes all the difference. And when she’s ready to open up about what’s triggered it, be there to listen. Hold her hand. Feel her pain alongside her. Hold her.”

Feyre nodded, still feeling uncertain. Although, the hand squeezing hers was making her feel a little bit bitter. Her and Nesta had always clashed, but she loved her sister and wanted to see her happy. Depression was a miserable, hated bitch and she hated that her sister couldn’t help but struggle with it. Illness. It was an illness. She couldn’t help the depression that coated her soul, that controlled her mind.

Feyre cursed that depression as she stood up in the hot tub. “I’m going to go see her.”

Rhysand smiled, although it quickly turned wistful. “Perhaps I should see my mother then, too. Put my words into action. It’s been too long since I’ve gone home.”

Home. Whatever the hell that was.

~~~

The wait after Azriel knocked on the door seemed like an eternity. 

A man, perhaps early fifties, answered the door sending Azriel into an awkwardly stiff stance. “Um, hello. Is Elain home?”

The man blinked. “May I ask who's asking?”

“Azriel,” he said, and hated that his voice cracked when he said it. “A friend.”

The man looked down at the flowers, then back up to Azriel’s eyes before calling, “Elain! There’s a boy here to see you!”

The sound of feet running down the wooden staircase was all Azriel could focus on before she appeared behind the man.

When he didn’t move, Elain cleared her throat. “Thanks, dad, I got it from here.”

After one more long, horrible glare, the man padded back down the hallway.

Elain gave Azriel a bright smile before stepping out onto the porch and closing the door softly behind her. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Azriel repeated. “You’re beautiful.”

Elain’s eyebrows shot into her hairline as her cheeks turned red. “Thank you.”

“I like your hair,” Azriel went on, trying to spice it up.

Elain huffed a laugh. “It’s in a ponytail, but thank you.”

Azriel cleared his throat. “I…..sort of got these for you.”

He handed her the flowers, and Elain melted. She took the bouquet, bringing them up to her nose. Her smile spread. “Thank you.”

“I like you,” Azriel went on, trying to remember Mor’s order of operations. “And I know I’m not good at this stuff, and that I’ve been really distracted since the accident, but I like you. A lot. You’re kind, and you’re helpful, and you make me feel good. And I would really like to take you out on a date. Unless you don’t want to. Which you probably don’t, because I’m being really awkward right now.”

Elain laughed, trying to press her mouth together so that her laughter didn’t make him feel bad. “I was beginning to think you’d never ask.”

Azriel let out a breath. “I’m not perfect. Actually, I’m really a mess. But, I think we’d be good together.”

Elain’s smile softened. "I think so, too."”

“Are you busy tomorrow?” Azriel asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

Elain took a step closer to him as she said, “Pick me up at seven.”

[naruwoah]

headcanon that Gai has seen Kakashi's face many times before, but Gai's so faceblind that it literally doesn't matter and he was never curious what was under there anyway, he knows Kakashi by things other than his face

I AM SO SORRY I'M LIKE A MONTH LATE. I HAVE HAD ZERO MOTIVATION TO WRITE AND AS OF RECENTLY, ZERO TIME. BUT I'M GONNA POWER THROUGH THIS IN KAKAGAI'S NAME!

This one is definitely another fic; I’ll let it speak for itself. Sorry if this one doesn’t make much sense at first; it was a bit tricky to connect the hc topic with how I wanted to start the fic, but I tried my best! Just pretend it’s amazing.

TW // alcohol, shitty writing lol

-

‘I need a vacation...’

Kakashi blindly reached for the bottle of sake next to his bed and took a hearty swig from it, not bothering with a glass (or actually sitting up, for that matter.) He’d just gotten back to Konoha from a particularly jarring 2-month mission that was originally supposed to be 2 weeks long. He’d been sent to an almost deserted town a few miles away from Suna to stop some self-proclaimed “ninja prodigy” that kept harassing the townspeople and threatening to kill them. It sounded easy enough but the guy was a lot harder to deal with than he seemed; he actually had a few tricks up his sleeve and a LOT of connections all over the town. This led him to a wild goose chase, and continuous unexpected meetings with the local doctor, who knew the most about the person he was looking for thanks to him being a long-time patient. The problem was that the same doctor was the sole reason for the crazed “ninja’s” rampage, and throughout their encounters Kakashi was subject to several unwanted philosophical conversations that he really didn’t understand how they had anything to do with the man in question. Turns out the doctor had been paying the guy to go around robbing people and threatening anyone who wouldn’t cooperate so he could keep his business afloat. The jonin didn’t normally choose drinking as a coping mechanism, but the mission had left him with too many questions, concerns, and even more retrospection than he quite frankly cared for, let alone could handle. He was enjoying the calming buzz until he felt a familiar chakra signature approaching his home, and immediately downed several gulps of the sake at the realization of who it was. Seconds later, there was a knock at his door.

“Dearest rival, I have brought you a gift!”

‘Great, the one person I was hoping to avoid the most.’

Of course, he knew that was a silly lie. Kakashi never once stopped thinking of his lover while he was gone, and he missed him more than he’d ever admit out loud. But his bed was awfully comfortable...

Reluctantly, he stood up to open the door. At that exact moment, the 3/4ths of the bottle he’d just downed hit him all at once, and he felt a satisfying weight settle into him. Now this, he could manage. Kakashi made his way to the door and opened it to find, not surprising, a cheerful Gai with a bouquet of flowers and, how ironic, another bottle of sake. This would be a good night.

“I see my beloved has already gotten a head start,” Gai laughed when he saw Kakashi’s flushed face and tip of his ears. The latter waved a hand dismissively and held his arm out, inviting Gai inside. The spandex-clad jonin stops to put the flowers in an empty vase sitting on the corner of a small table in the living room, pouring a healthy amount of water and flower food into it. He then follows Kakashi to his room where he sees the bottle his lover had been nursing not too long ago and grabs it, eyeing it with an amused expression.

“Surely you wouldn’t mind if I finished this bottle off for you? We’ve got more right here.” There was a smile on his face, but Kakashi couldn’t tell why.

“No, go right ahead. While you’re at it, pass me the other one.”

Gai laughed heartily and put the bottle to his lips, tilting it back and taking a quick swig. He put the bottle down with a smack of his lips and a satisfied grunt. Kakashi's thoughts became fuzzy with intoxication and his body began heating up uncomfortably.

"Maa, Gai, why's it so hot in here?"

"My dearest, that might be because you're drunk."

"Oh. Well, make it stop."

"Would you like me to open a window?"

"Nah, I'll just take my clothes off."

"Always a wonderful idea, darling!"

Gai laughed at Kakashi's darkening blush, amused at how much he'd let his guard down. He made himself comfortable on the messy bed before him and takes the last few gulps from Kakashi's bottle, something he didn't do very often (he preferred drinking from glasses) but for his beloved, he'd have some fun as well. It wasn't very long before he felt the familiar signs of being tipsy, and an irreversible smile made its home on his face. All the while, Kakashi had stripped down to his boxers and socks, his mask pulled down slightly and head tilted back. If it hadn't been for the bottle, Gai would think he was drinking water.

"What're you smilin' for?"

"You look funny with your mask on while you're practically naked!"

"Then come take it off, why don't ya?"

"As you wish, my love."

Gai beckoned the man to him and Kakashi shuffled forward, bending down in front of him. The corners of his eyes were crinkled, giving away a sheepish grin that Gai knew like the back of his hand. He grabbed the bottle from Kakashi's loose grip and gasped.

"Oh my... 'Kashi, the bottle's halfway done! How could you do such a thing to me, rival?!"

"S'your fault! You gave it to me!"

Gai uncharacteristically rolled his eyes and decided to bite the bullet before Kakashi did. He drank the rest of what was in the bottle, and shuddered as soon as he finished. His chest burned, but he looked forward to joining Kakashi in his drunken stupor. He then reached for the black mask and slowly removed it, feeling the need to be careful in case his lover suddenly decided against it.

Evidently, he was too drunk to care. He plopped himself down on the bed next to Gai and put his hands on his chin.

"How do I look?"

"Stunning as always, my dearest! Such a handsome face that shines light on your marvelous youth!"

"Y'know, sometimes I regret the whole mask thing, but it makes me look all cool n' mysterious so I stick with it. Drives the team crazy too!"

"That it does, 'Kashi. But don't forget I've seen your face a million times. It's not a mystery to your eternal rival!"

"Maa, Gai, don't ruin it!"

Kakashi was laughing, his face bright and relaxed. Gai felt lucky to be a witness of such beauty, and he wondered to himself exactly how other people percieved the face he'd become so familiar with over time.

"Guess I'm a winner then!"

"Eh?"

"I get to look at you all I want! What more could a man want?!"

"Fuck... more sake, if you're gonna get all sappy..."

Gai took Kakashi into his arms and planted a loud smooch right on his forehead. The latter's skin heated up instantly but he basked in the affection, grateful to have his forever companion beside him. He would definitely enjoy the rest of the night.

[austarus]

HR Wells x Reader Waking Up Papa Bear

**A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to @stellar-raven .

Scrunching your face, you squeeze your already shut eyes even tighter as the sunlight rouses you from peaceful slumber, your dream world escapes you. You rub your face with a hand and regain a sense of gradual wakefulness, eyes adjusting to your shared room. A little noise escapes your throat, the ray of sunshine hits you as the slight glimmers of light filter through the cream colored blinds of your bedroom windows. You shift your arms under the pillow as you lay on your back, your pajama shirt rides up slightly as you squirm slightly.

Turning your head as you settle the palms of your hand on top of your stomach, folding them there, your eyes scan over HR's exhaustively asleep figure. His dark hair's ruffled from sleep, snoring lightly as his broad back faces you. Breathing quietly to yourself, your eyes soften up before you maneuver you head to your beside counter, where you phone lies along with the baby monitor. As you pick up your phone you note the time. 9:30... I don't want to get up though... You think, snuggling back under the warmth of the covers. Closing your eyes once more to fall back asleep, your ears perk up at a noise, which has your senses on wide alert.

A small gurgle followed by a fussy noise is emitted from the baby monitor to your baby's room. You're wide awake, eyes snapping open as your motherly instinct kicks in, blood pumping loudly in your ears and worry filling your heart. Theo? You gingerly push the covers off you, pulling them around HR so he can remain asleep. You cringe, body aching from moving all of a sudden from the bed. Grabbing one of your jackets that lay on the chair that has become a clothes rack for you, you put it on and pad hurriedly to Theo's room. You step closer to the baby cradle in the midst of the pastel-green colored room with multiple baby toys arranged neatly. The changing bed next to the baby drawer full of clothes and diapers as the hanging animal mobile shook slightly with every movement.

"Hey, baby," you coo to the young child, one hand on the white wooden cradle while the other reached out to Theo. The 1 year-old and a half extended a tiny limb to grasp your finger in his hand. Baby blue eyes wide with curiosity. You smile gently as the baby moves your finger around.

"Mommy's here," you coo and shift closer to gingerly carry the fragile baby. "Mommy loves you so much." You place a kiss on Theo's forehead, bouncing him slightly to elicit a giggle and wide smile. That same sunshine-y smile as HR. Goodness, you know you’ll never tire of either of them. You dread the day your baby boy grows up and goes off to kindergarten.

Theodore... my baby, you turn your head to look out the door, across Theo's room was yours. You stroll out with your baby in your arms, one hand resting on his back so he doesn't fall back, and meander into your room. Your eyes glance over HR, who now resides on his back with a pillow clutched to his chest in one arm, before falling back to Theo. Our baby...

To this day, the thought of Theo coming into the world and being here with you and HR... A bundle of joy, the product of your love with the Earth-19 novelist... It still tugs at your heart, melting, so much that tears prick at you eyes out of happiness.  You quickly wipe them away with the back of your palm. I love them so much. You hadn’t thought that this, love so strong yet willing, would ever be in your story. You didn’t think anyone would ever want you, but... then HR came to Earth 1...

You kiss the top of Theodore's head once more, a soft smile on your face as you step out of you room, phone in your back pocket. "How about we get you changed out of your pj's and get something to eat while daddy sleeps?" You talk to the baby in a low, but soft voice as you comb his floofy hair to the side. Baby blue eyes just watch you with big and innocent eyes, tiny hands gripping onto your shirt.

---

You head out to the kitchen with Theo, who keeps gurgling incomprehensible noises, in fresh clothes for the day with your pajamas in the basket, ready for a wash. You wiped his little butt and changed his diaper along with dabbing on some lightly-scented lotion. Caitlin was proud of Theo’s developing verbal skills, well in this case all the gibberish noises he makes, as well as his motor functions. He should be able to crawl soon, Caity said so and she’s a good doctor so...

"Aahh fffft maa," your baby fiddles with his own fingers as you seat him in his reclined chair, the bottled milk of baby formula and some napkins (in case some milk splutters out of his mouth) on the table beside you. Because last time you set anything infront of Theo, like the fruity yogurt cup you had for breakfast, he would make a mess out of it. "Maa," he squirms in his seat, arms out stretched to you.

---

After feeding Theo, you clean the baby up because he managed to still somehow get messy. "Silly baby," you chuckle with a soft smile on your face, wiping his chin with the soft wipes. Theo gives you a toothless grin, automatically melting your heart. This baby is too precious... I blame HR.

"Up we go," you stand up slowly, cradling him close to your chest with one hand secured at his back. He busies himself with your gold-chained necklace, adorning a golden star. It was the one that HR had gotten you for your first anniversary together. Looking to the clock, you furrow your eyebrows at the current time. 11:22? Already? Time really does fly.

"Looks like we should wake up papa bear," you whisper to Theo, rubbing your nose against his smaller one, a happy noise to fall from his mouth. "Right, Teddy?"

"Ahh daaa mm," Theodore murmurs, before patting your collarbone in what you can only assume agreement with your words. 

"I'll take that as a yes, my little cutie pie"

You gently padded through the small apartment with socked feet, reaching your room to find your lean husband still slumbering with pleasant dreams. The covers were thrown off to the side haphazardly, only covering a part of his midsection as light snores escape him. Literally an angel, I almost feel bad for doing this. You held in a giggle, creeping closer until reaching the bed an idea sparking in your mind as Teddy held onto you tight. 

“Daaa,” he made a little noise as you set him down on HR’s chest stomach first. Of course, HR doesn’t really register the baby weight on him because he’s asleep and well... he’s all buff too. But that rant and power-point on HR’s godly designed body is a discussion for another day.

You gave your baby boy a gentle forehead kiss once he was situated. Teddy looked up at you before gingerly maneuvering his head to look at his dad, uttering “Daa” then looking around a bit more. 

You pulled out your phone and decided to make a little video out of this entire exchange. “Go on, honey bun,” you whisper, getting on your knees and resting your elbows on the mattress to HR’s side with the camera trained on your boys. “Wake daddy up, Teddy.” Your baby only looked up at you before looking down with a little frown and pouty lips, noises falling out of Theodore’s mouth as he squirms. 

“Daa, daaa, daaa,” you giggled when he started doing that little cute shriek, patting your husband’s sturdy chest. A groan erupted from HR’s throat as Theo continued his assault, the older man languidly returning to reality and registering the tiny child on top of him and the sound of your giggling. Scrunching his nose, HR blinks awake and rubbing his face with a strong hand from any remnant of sleep. The awakening novelist moved his body slightly, hands resting on the child laid on him.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” you whisper, saving the video and tucking your phone away to lean closer, giving HR’s stubbly cheek a kiss. Baby Theo had stopped when he felt HR move a bit, gripping tightly to HR’s shirt.

“I’ve been kissed by an angel, and it looks like another has made his place on my chest. I must be blessed today.”

I’m the one that’s blessed... you jumped over to E1 and made your way into my heart... “Is that so?” You quirk an eyebrow at him when his baby blue gaze meets yours. A deep chuckle resonates in the room from HR. Teddy watched you as he leaned for an actual kiss from you, which you sweetly gave him.

“Apfftt maa.” Pulling away, your head snapped to Theo, getting your full attention.

“Teddy, what did we say about spitting like that?” You lightly scold the baby, obviously not meaning any harm as you pull out a napkin and gingerly wipe his mouth. He only kicked his feet while HR moved to sit up, holding your baby tightly as he adjusts himself. The tall man places a his on Theodore’s forehead, playing with his silky dark hair that mirrors his own.

Teddy just rests his head against HR’s shoulder, playing with his shirt. “Da!” HR pats the spot beside him for you to sit. Doing so, you take your spot beside him and pass him the glass of water that HR keeps on his bedside table in case he gets thirsty at night or early morning if he was to go on a run. Your Earth-19 novelist takes a swift drink before handing it back to you. After setting the glass cup down you rest your head against his chest, closing your eyes and relishing in this quiet moment with HR curling his arm around you. Listening to his strong heartbeat always eased your worries, but you couldn’t help but think that maybe blessed things do come to those who do good and wait.

[everlarkficexchange]

1,498 mph (Part 1)

Written by: @alliswell21

Prompt 47: Modern. Peeta is back home on his time off from the Air Force or army. He meets the newest employee in the bakery, a younger Katniss, who’s working hard to help her family while still going to school. They fall for each other and they didn’t even know when it happened. [submitted by @animekpopxx​]

this chapter Rated: Mature for language 

Warnings: This is the first part of a multiple chapter story. The rating will still be Mature for adult situations and smut once the rest of the pic is posted to AO3

Un-betaed. All mistakes are mine. Several Songs have been quoted in this fic, Rocket Man by Elton John; Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue; Bungle In the Jungle by Jethro Tull… if you see anything else I forgot to create let me know.  

———————-

  “She packed my bags last night pre-flight Zero hour nine AM”

  I’m quietly mouthing the lyrics of Rocket Man to myself while the whistle of engines zoom by at the speed of light filling the muggy Florida afternoon sky.

  “And I’m gonna be high as a kite… I miss the earth so much… miss my wife…”

The chatter of men talking animatedly mixed with tools dropping on asphalt, stomping boots, and even the obnoxious scraping of step ladders being dragged around from place to place, is just another layer of the hubbub in the yard. Just another day at base, working away the hours,  pretending we aren’t swimming in our own sweat and our skin isn’t sizzling under the harsh sun beating down on us.

  “I think it’s gonna be a long, long time ‘Till touchdown brings me round again to find I’m not the man they think… nonono… I’m a rocket man! Rocket maaaaaaaan… dadada up here alone.

Rocket maa—”

  “Mellark!” Someone calls at the top of his lungs. “Move your ass here, quickly.”

  I jump out of a trainer aircraft I was familiarizing myself with, to find one of my superiors looking annoyed as shit for having to come out here to fetch me.

  “Sir!” I salute and wait to be addressed.

  “Lieutenant, your fairy godmother must’ve thought you were a good boy.” He practically spits, as he hands me an envelope. “You’re going home on break. Now don’t let the news interfere with training, keep your head in that cockpit, and you won’t lose any privileges, capisce?”

  “Sir!” I’m saluting again, but this time I’m so giddy with excitement I can’t keep my face straight in front of this bad tempered badger.

  “Go back to work!”

  “Yes, Sir!” I scramble back to my fighter smiling from ear to ear like this is a redo of the day I got accepted into the F22 Raptor training class.

  Holy shit! I’m going home! Can’t remember the last time I was able to go home for a long chunk of time, but my leave papers say I’m excused for four weeks!

  “Rocket man is coming home, baby!”

——————

  Air Force personnel have all the flight benefits they can aspire to, which includes free rides all over the globe during vacation, and since I’m trying to save every penny in my bank account for retirement, I hitch a ride home, to Panem, North Carolina, all the way from Tyndall Air Force Base, in sunny Florida… well, actually I got dropped off at Charlotte Douglas International Airport, and had to call my pal Finnick to pick me up, since I’m trying to get home and surprise my dad.

  What I’m not expecting is for a reception complete with balloons, signs and a man wearing a tuxedo t-shirt with a bouquet of red roses.

  My first instinct is to cover my face in embarrassment, but Finnick spots me and starts waving exaggeratedly while I walk slowly towards him, pretending he’s not there for me, even though his “Welcome Home First Lt. P. Mellark, we love you!” sing has a huge picture of me in uniform, pasted in the middle of the banner, surrounded by hearts.

  The closer I get, the more details I see, like all the glitter on the sign, or how big the bouquet really is. Finnick is not alone either. His wife Annie is there holding the sign up over her head for every soul to see, and their two sons Finnick Jr. and Andy hold the balloons and point at me excitedly.

  Finnick tells the boys something and the pipsqueaks charge at me like a pair of helions, giggling and chanting “Uncle Peet, Uncle Peet, Uncle Peet!” the whole time.

  I admit the part with the boys is actually pretty espectacular, so I drop my bags, get down on one knee and open my arms wide just in time to get tackled by two little boys I love with all my heart, as if they were my own blood.

  “Finny! Andy!” I wrap them both in a bear hug, their little arms circle my neck. I pick them up and spin them around for good measure.

  Out of nowhere, I feel another body collide with my side, and before I can recognize the slim arms hugging me and the kiddos, a bigger body slams into the group hug, knocking the air out of my lungs.

  Finnick uses his longer arm to choke hold me and plants a kiss to my temple, while the boys laugh hysterically at their father’s antics. The boys slide away from me, and as soon as my arms are free, I playfully shove Finnick away and hug Annie fully, tipping her back in a dip and whispering loudly for Finn to hear.

  “Leave the fresh water sailor, baby. I’m way more interesting, I’m an Air Force pilot!”

  Then I proceed to kiss Annie all over the face, except the mouth. “I so much rather kiss you, than that gorila you married,” I tell her dreamily.

  Annie gives me a belly laugh right before Finnick pulls her away from me with a mock frown.

  “Hey! No fair. I slaved all night making that welcome home banner!” My best friend protest, but everything is so ridiculous and silly, we all just end up laughing like lunatics.

  Finnick and I hug quickly, clapping each other on the back.

  “Good to see you man!”

  “Is good to be home!” I tell him.

  “Sure is! Now, let’s get this show on the road or we’ll end up with a pair of cranky boys if we miss bedtime.”

  Finnick dumps the bouquet of roses in my arms, picks up my duffel and walks towards the parking lot, leaving me and Annie to deal with two chatty boys.

  It’s truly great to be home.

  I pick up Andy in my arms and start whistling Mötley Crüe’s Home Sweet Home.

  ———————

  I open the door to my family’s bakery, and the bell above betrays my presence before I can call out to anyone.

  I’m taken aback when a sultry voice I don’t recognize reaches me with a greeting. “Welcome to Mellark’s!”

  A petite, dark haired girl steps in from the back wiping her hands in one of the familiar aprons embroidered with the Mellarks logo. She looks up from her hands to fix on me the most stunning gray eyes I’ve ever seen. The world stops turning for a whole second while we stare at each other.

  Her eyes widen as she takes me in, and then fly to my latest official portrait, on display on the wall besides the registers.

  The girl blushes violently and stammers at rapid shot, “Oh… um… w-welcome home… sir… um, Lieutenant? I didn’t know… I mean… I don’t think Mr. Mellark didn’t he was expecting you… oh my gosh, I’ll go get him!”

  The girl slips back to the kitchen, leaving me standing there like a moron.

  Finnick walks into the shop and looks at me quizzically. “What’s the matter?” He asks, just as my father runs through the doors leading from the back of the bakery.

  My old man’s hands are covered in flour, and his apron has dried up orange frosting in the chest— which I guess is appropriate, since orange is my favorite color. The man bounds up to me like a runaway mastodon, and before I can even form a greeting, he’s squeezing the breath out of me.

  “My son!” Dad cries into my shoulder. He releases me to pat my cheek with his flour covered hand. “What a surprise!”

  “Peeta!” My brother Ryen yells from behind the counter, before jumping over it to hug me as well. “You didn’t call! I could’ve come pick you up, thickhead!”

  I laugh. “It would’ve ruin the surprise. Plus, what else does Finn have going for him besides picking people up from the airport?”

  Finnick glares at me, “I’ll have you know, even wealthy, trust fund babies, have jobs to report to. You ingrate son of a gun.”

  “Yeah… whatever!”

  We are all laughing merrily, when the bell above the door chimes again, this time for a real customer trying to get some pastries.

  The raven haired girl diligently takes the patron’s order as quickly and quietly as possible, trying to give our reunion space, although between my bags, three bulky Mellark men plus Finnick, who’s no dainty daisy either, we take up most of the front of the shop.

  After the customer is gone, Ryen turns to the girl. “Hey Squirrels, come meet my baby brother!”

  The girl with awesome eyes gives my brother a positively murderous glare, just as dad rolls his eyes and shakes his head. The girl steps out from behind the counter, but her eyes— Gray with specks of blue— stay stubbornly on Ryen.

  “Hi!” I pretty much run up to shake her hand— firm grip and a bit rough to the touch, but that just means she’s use to working with her hands. “I’m Peeta. And I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess ‘Squirrels’ isn’t your name, and you actually hate it almost as much as you dislike my brother?”

  I’ve take the girl by surprise, and then it occurs to me I may be crowding her, judging by her stunned expression and the fact she takes a step back from me.

  The girl gives her head a little shake, and smiles awkwardly. “My name’s Katniss Everdeen. Is an honor to meet you sir, and… um… thank you for your service.”

  I’ve heard the same words a few dozen times today, having just walked through a civilian airport, full of appreciative people nodding at me or wanting to shake my hand since I’m wearing my uniform, yet, coming from this blushing girl, Katniss, makes me feel like I’m actually doing something that matters. Even if I’m just training right now. It’s taken a lot of hard work to be where I am.

  “No, ma’am, is my honor to serve this great country. And you.” I’m about to bow, but my brother starts laughing, completely ruining the mood.

  “Wow, ease up the cheese, Captain Braggy Pants. Squirrels will lose respect soon enough after she hears you singing while you bake.” Ryen guffaws.

  I can’t believe I’ve only been home ten minutes and already I have the urge to strangle Rye. It’s gotta be some kind of record for him.

  “Come on boys. I’m sorry, Katniss. My sons don’t usually behave this way.”

  “No. They behave worse.” And just like that, my mother waltzes into the bakery front, sucking the joy right out of the room. “Peeta,” She says by way of greeting. “I’m assuming your on leave since you’re in your uniform. For a moment there I was afraid the Air Force finally kicked you out.”

  Dad sighs, “Matilda, the kid just got home…”

  My parents have a little staring competition, but as usual, dad turns away after a few minutes, letting my mother win the spat.

  Dad sighs again, tiredly, picks up my bag and mutters under his breath, “Come on Peeta, bring your stuff to my office and I’ll get you a snack, you must be hungry.” Then he turns to my friend, “Finnick, are you staying for supper?”

  “Uh… no, no. The boys are asleep in the car with Annie. I gotta take them all home. But another time!” Finn smiles widely. “Hey, Peet, call me when you’re settled in,”

  “Sure thing, man. Thank you!” I tell him and give him a quick hug. “Say by to Annie and the kiddos for me.”

  “You got it.”

  My mother rolls her eyes, snorting. My father gives her an exasperated glare, but she’s too busy counting the cash in the till to care.

  “Everdeen,” Mom calls not looking up at the girl, “You’re closing the shop tonight. I’m leaving $100 in change in the register, and putting the rest of the money in the safe. That should be enough to tie you over until closing.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Says Katniss stoically, her face devoid of emotion.

  I’m impressed.

  My mother is not the nicest person ever as a mom. As a boss, she’s even worse. Luckily, she only comes around a couple of hours before closing time to check on the books and put the cash away for bank deposits in the morning.

  “Ma’am, about Wednesday—?”

  “Yeah, yeah… take the whole day off if you need to. Peeta is here, so we’re back to fully staffed. The least he can do is pick up the slack for a few hours on Wednesday.”

  Katniss blinks at my mother for a moment, but then I’m turning away so I don’t accidentally punch mommy dearest in the mouth.

  I’m a fucking First Lieutenant in the USA Air Force. I fly fighters for a living! I’ve been deployed in flight missions twice in the last few years; I refuse to let my mother’s bitchyness ruin my vacation… it’s gonna be a long month, and it starts right now, with me showing how many fucks I give!

  ——-

I’m splashing soapy water all over the sink, holding the brush I’m using to scrub clean the trays like a microphone, like a dork. I keep forgetting where I am and with whom, all I know is that washing pots and pans at the bakery is way better than doing it at the kitchen of the training center.

  “Friday night… need a fight My motorcycle and a switchblade knife Handful of grease in my hair feels right But what I — mmm— me tight are those

Girls, girls, girls Long legs and burgundy lips Girls, girls, girls—“

  I turn around and find myself face to face with Ryen going purple, holding in his laughter. I feel myself jump out of my skin.

  “Geez, Rye! The fuck is the matter with you?!” I yell at my brother, ripping the headphones out of my ears angrily.

  Ryen keeps laughing, but when he steps out of my personal space, I wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole, because Katniss is standing by the swing door taking off her apron.

  She blinks at me once with eyes as big as saucers, then looks away, blushing. I’m not sure why she does it so much, blush when she realizes I’m looking at her. Honestly, I don’t know what to think, although I’d be lying if I said I’m not flattered, especially when she regards me with as much respect as if I’m personally some renowned war hero or something.

  “You taking off, Squirrels?” Asks Ryen pulling a tray of muffins out of the oven still shaking all over with a case of the giggles.

  “I am. Mrs. Mellark already knows I have class tonight. She game tomorrow off as well” she says glancing at me apologetically. She adds quickly, “But I’m only taking half a day. I’ll be here in the morning for the rush. See you tomorrow, Mr. Ryen. Lieutenant.”

  “You can call me Peeta, you know.” I tell her with my friendliest smile, hoping she doesn’t think I’m harboring any resentment towards her.

  As if on cue, Katniss’ eyes grow to saucers and her cheeks flush a pretty pink. She nods in agreement and says another hasty goodbye before gathering her stuff and flying out the back door. I watch her go, wondering how long it’s going to take her to get used to me?

  Ryen comes back from the front and squints in my direction. “Dude, if you’re gonna hang out here in the back, you need to keep an eye in the oven, man. The baguettes are gonna burn if you don’t hurry.”

  I glare a Rye and put on oven mitts. The baguettes are fine, just a bit crispier than usual.

  “So, what’s the story with this Katniss chick?” I ask checking on a sheet cake that’s close to being done.

  Rye shrugs, rinsing a rag he brought from the front. “Uh, she replaced Cecilia during her postpartum leave. She was supposed to be temporary, but then Cecilia wanted to stay home with her children, and the girl pretends Mom’s the boss and goes to her scheduling issues, which Mom adores, so she was offered Cecilia’s full time slot.

  “Katniss is finishing her GED. She’s got three nights at week off to attend school, and has a second, part time job when she’s not here, which is pretty much every hour she doesn’t have to sleep or study.”

  “Two jobs and a GED at night? She looks like she should still be in High School.” I say.

  “Meh. She’s nineteen. I think she dropped out and had like three part jobs until we offered full time hours, but I may be wrong. Wheaton was the one who hired her.”

  “So, Dad liked her? I mean if Wheat hired her, and she stayed after he left.”

  Wheaton, my eldest brother, used to manage the bakery before moving out of state. His wife wanted to live closer to her elderly parents to keep an eye on them, so about six months ago they opened up a bakery in a suburb near Atlanta, Georgia.

  Ryen chuckles. “She hunts. Dad likes her squirrels.”

  Now I’m confused. “What do you mean?”

  “Ask him when he comes for closing. He’ll tell you.”

  Later, Dad strolls into the kitchen, ready to help with clean-up and prepping for tomorrow.

  “Boys,” he greets and goes straight to wash his hands after donning his apron.

  I smile at that. Some things always remain constant. Familiar. Like home.

  “Dad, Peeta’s asking if you like Squirrels?” Rye snickers.

  Dad smiles. “Squirrels are delicious. I don’t care if you naysayers disagree with me.”

  “Dad, I think Rye meant Katniss, not the critters…” I’m totally confused now. “Either if you care to elaborate?” I ask watching my father grab ingredients from a shelf and a mixing bowl from another.

  Dad starts talking in that deep voice he used when teaching us a new recipe, “When I was little, my grandpa had this BB gun. He’d take us to his yard and had us shoot squirrels, then we would butcher them, fried them up, and eat them. Best comfort food ever.”

  I make a puking face. I know my grandpa used to make roadkill stews and other mountain folk fare, but I don’t remember dad ever talking about them actually shooting up their own supper like that.

  “Anywho, Katniss comes to me one day, maybe a year ago, and it takes all the courage she’s got, but she offers me a trade. She finds out I actually enjoy squirrel meat and asks if I would take a handful of her squirrels for a loaf, or at the very least a couple of buns.”

  “What? You’re joking right?” Now I’m concern about this girl: GED at night, multiple jobs, now she hunts squirrels and trades bread for them?

What’s going on here? “Is Katniss, okay?”

  “Oh, she’s better than okay,” Says dad smiling fondly. “She gets the squirrels right through the eye every single time! Born huntress, that one.”

  “And you traded bread with her? Isn’t there some kind of regulation or something against that kind of shit?” I balk at my father’s cheerful face.

  “I was hesitant at first, I mean, this is some urchin from the Seam, trying to barter with me like we’re in the 1800s or something. But then she shows me her squirrels, and I’m telling you, that kid has skills with a bow and arrow.”

  “Get out here! Is that even real?”

  “True story, baby bro…” Says Rye smiling wickedly.

  I’m flabbergasted. At least Ryan’s nickname makes sense now. “Why would you do that? How do you know it was her who do the shooting, if she’s got this amazing superhuman aim? I mean, how does she even know to trade with you? That’s just so random.” I ask skeptically.

  “She’s the one shooting. And the reason she knows I’m partial to squirrels, is because I grew up next door to her mother. In fact, and don’t tell your mother this, I used to be a little sweet on Katniss’ mother way back then. But her mama was a couple of years younger than me, and then she met Everdeen, and I realized it wasn’t meant to be.” Dad shrugs, and goes back to measuring his ingredients.

  “Okay, but a kid hunting down squirrels and trading them away, doesn’t sound very sanitary, let alone legal.”

  “So what? Are you gonna report her? Leave her alone, man.” Rye throws me an aggravated glare.

  Dad shakes his head sadly. “Katniss, needed the trades desperately. Wheaton decided to offer her a part time job to help her out precisely for the same reasons you just listed. He gave her a condition, though, she had to go back to school and finish up, she’d just drop out. When I was able to offer her a full time position, I kept the school deal, she’s about to get her GED diploma, and we’re talking community college for her next step, we will see.”

  The bell above the front door rings, and Rye goes tend to the newly arrived costumer.

  “Where are her parents?” I ask dad still puzzled. “She sounds like an orphan.”

  “Mr. Everdeen passed away a while back. Some work related accident. The mother is still around, but she’s not exactly well. Katniss has a little sister, a few years younger than her. She’s pretty much raised the girl herself.”

  Well, now I feel like shit for distrusting everyone’s judgement, particularly Katniss.

  “She seems nice.” I say awkwardly.

  “She is. Hard working, smart, fast study. Honest and a trustworthy. She’s one of my best employees.” He gives me a pointed look and goes back to baking.

  “Yeah… I bet. So… where’s Thom?” He’s been with the bakery since I was in high school. Him and my ex, Portia, were hired the same day. In fact, Portia stayed with the bakery after we broke up, which blowed.

  “Thom is off this week. Jury duty. Your mother was so annoyed she almost wrote him an excuse from serving.” Dad rolls his eyes.

  “And Um… Portia?” I feel a nervous swoop in my stomach at first, but it doesn’t go beyond that.

  Portia was angry I decided to enroll in the Air Force instead of going to college with her, like she wanted. We were both interested in art and design, but she was passionate about it, while I just enjoyed it as a hobby… one I truly loved. I still doodle, and my drawings are still great if I say so myself, but nothing compares to flying a bird capable of breaking the sound barrier.

  Portia couldn’t understand why I had to go away and become a pilot, I just couldn’t stay cooped here, while the sky is so big and free. She accused me of just wanting to run away from home, but the truth is, I love my family, I love North Carolina; being away from Mom is just sweet, gooey icing on the cake, but it’s been ages since I’ve develop a thick skin against her.

  Dad takes his time kneading the dough before answering my question. “Portia got married. Nice fellow named Cinna. I made the cake myself. She left the bakery maybe two months before Cecilia announced her last pregnancy.” He stays quiet for maybe ten minutes, then he speaks again. “Delly has been coming in more often to pick up the slack. But the whole Cartwright clan is in Dollywood, celebrating Grandpa Cartwright’s 90th birthday. Ryen was supposed to be there, but stayed since Thom had jury duty.”

  “Is that why Rye looks so broken up?” I ask sarcastically, because my brother seems happy as a clam.

  Talk of the devil, Rye bursts into the kitchen chewing on a pastry. “Dodged a bullet there.” He says coming to lean by the big fridge, smiling at me.

  “Yeah, it spending time in an amusement park with your wife and in-laws must be nightmarish.” I deadpan.

  Ryen laughs heartily.

  “Its truly is a blessing that you showed up now. It gives us tons of wiggle room to work, and maybe we start training Katniss in more technical stuff. I’ve been meaning to do that, but I never have the time.” Says Dad ignoring Rye’s interruption and the small rude gesture war we’re silently having between us. “She’s still not a very good froster, but she’s a heck of a saucier.”

  I look at my dad for a moment, and then I put the sheet cake on a rack to cool.

  Dad keeps talking placing a batch of cupcakes in the oven I just emptied. “I want you to know how much I appreciate your help here, Peeta. I know you could’ve gone anywhere else in the world, enjoying a well deserved break like a normal person, instead you came home and started working in the bakery right away. All I can say is, thank you. You’re a godsend and very good son.”

  I smack Rye with a tea towel when he starts making kissy faces, addressing my father like nothing’s going on with my brother.

  “Dad… you know I rather be here than anywhere else, even if I’m free labor.” We both chuckle at that. “Seriously Dad, I love being here. More than anything.”

  “That’s good, Peet. Listen, I talked to your mother last night, and I told her it would be a good idea… and you tell me if I’m wrong, but, I was thinking you could use the apartment above the shop while you’re here.”

  “Dad… that’s… I wouldn’t want to impose—“

  “Is no imposition, son. The apartment has been vacant since Ryen and Delly moved to their new place; its fully furnished and you’ll have privacy…”

  “Oooh! Bachelor pad!” Ryen wolf whistles, and Dad fixes him with a glare Rye ignores.

  We all know Dad means I’ll be away from mother, and her nippy remarks and passive aggressive comments.

  “Son, you’re twenty six years old, you’re used to being in your own. Mom and I are just a block away, and Ryen and Delly will be here every day.”

  “I don’t know what to say, dad. That’s awfully generous.”

  “Nonsense! Say you’ll take it and enjoy your time in town. You’re not a kid anymore and you don’t need to live in your parents guest room, when you can have a place for yourself.”

  I smile. “Okay, Dad… if you insist.”

  “No heavy partying without me!” Announces Rye, kicking off the fridge and grabbing his stuff to go home.

  Dad and glare at him, but I’m still so grateful. My vacation just got more relaxing!

  ——————

  I don’t see much of the bakery the next two days, because I take time to clean up upstairs and then decide to take a day off to hang out with Finn and his family at their cabin by the lake.

  Finnick comes from an affluent family, that made their fortune in the seafood business. Finn is a ‘lawyer’ who only represents his family’s business. Annie on the other hand, is a Public Defender who mostly works pro-bono, “to balance the karma” according to Finn.

  Ironically, Finnick’s favorite thing to do, is sit in a kayak in the middle of the lake doing nothing. Sure, he has fishing equipment, but as he puts it, “unless you skewer them with a trident, fishing is not an exciting sport.”

  The thing is, anything we do together, whether is fake fishing in his kayak in the lake, going out for some beers with my brother and his friends, or simply sitting in the porch with the little minions, telling them about what it’s like to fly a fighter, everything is fun with my best buddy here at home.

  “I heard Portia got married,” I say offhandedly late in the evening, when Annie takes the kiddos inside for baths.

  “Yeah. Saw her the other day. She looks good. I think you’d like the husband.” Finnick says scanning my face, like he usually does when he’s trying to gauge my moods.

  I only shrug. “Good for her. She deserves to be happy.” I wait a moment and then ask after another girl I used to date on and off, “How about Cash? She doing okay?”

  “Yeah.” He chuckles. “Cash is on her second divorce, and on her fifth Mercedes. Prettiest thing around… if you’re into fake boobs and artificial asses, that is.”

  We both smirk and shake our heads ruefully, Cashmere was never a subtle one, and her only love has always been bling. Can’t blame the girl when her mother named her kids so ridiculously vain: Cashmere and her twin brother, Gloss, and little Glimmer, who’s got to be around Katniss’ age. All three, golden haired children with the world at their feet, on the back of a dad who could barely afford his utility bills, but hey! His kids had the most expensive clothes, toys and stuff in town. No wonder Cashmere grew up with that askew rich-or-die mindset.

  “And you, loverboy?” Asks Finnick, “any lady friends you’d like to share about? I hope you have some juicy stories for me, I can’t go back to Annie tonight with the same old gossip as always, you know.”

  I laugh at that. Then grow wistful. I shake my head.

  “There hasn’t been anyone in a very, very long time.” I sigh. “I had an arrangement with one Major in my squadron while on assignment. But she’s actually married, and wasn’t looking for a full blown affair. She just needed to scratch and itch and I was the helping hand. But since I’ve been in the training program, I barely have time to whine about my sore shoulders, let alone romance anyone.”

  “Aww, buddy… I’m sorry.” Finnick says sadly, then glares at me and tells me in a serious tone, “You stay away from my wife! I’m onto you and your home wrecking ways, Top Gun!”

  I have to laugh at that, “As if I could snatch her away from you!” because there’s nothing more ridiculous than the notion I could ever try anything funny with Annie.

  She’ll slap me silly for starters, and then there’s the deal of how much I love my friend to ever hurt him. He’s always been there to support me, and when things got rough at home with mom, he was the only one who could help me see the good in life and in myself.

  “You’re an idiot, you know.” I punch him in the shoulder and he punches back.

  “No more than you, buddy.”

  ———-

  “Let’s bungle in the juuungle!

Well, that’s all right by meeee…

I’m a tiger when I want looooove,

I’m a snake if we di-sagreeeeee…”

  I look up self conscious that I’m being watched and mocked, although I’m barely audible, humming under my breath.

  I’m only mildly surprised to see Katniss by the sink, towel drying a few utensils. She’s got the ghost of a smile on her lips and she’s nodding her head rhythmically while mouthing what I think are lyrics to the song I’m singing.

  She most have felt eyes on her, because she looks at me with the corner of her eyes, and actually smiles when it’s confirmed I’m watching her. She stops what she’s doing and rotates her torso towards me.

  “I take it your iPod is allergic to music from this millennium.” She says with a lopsided smirk, gesturing to my earphones with a wooden spoon.

  “Has there been music produced this millennium, though?”

  She rolls her eyes, but her smirk stays in place. “Jethro Tull I can understand. My father was quite the fan and they were geniuses. But I have to question your taste when you sing anything from a band so demeaning to women as Mötley Crüe.” She arches her eyebrows daring me to contradict her. “Those guys were so foul, the Me Too Movement would’ve had a field day burying then in lawsuits.”

  “Ma’am, I have nothing but respect for women. Is not my fault good music is extinct nowadays.” I risk saying something else, and pray she doesn’t crucify me instead. “I think women back then needed the Me Too Movement, maybe groupies would’ve had someone looking out for them, telling them they didn’t have to let some asshole use them like they were trash just to show their love for the scene.”

  Katniss’ lips twitch, her sparkly gray eyes study me for a moment. And then she switches topics.

  “What’s the newest thing you have on your playlist, lieutenant?”

  “Call me Peeta, please… every time you call me Lieutenant I feel underdressed out of my uniform, and I don’t know if I should salute you or order you to do push-ups.”

  She her shoulders shake a little with her silent laughter. She licks her lower lip, and smiles at me. “I hope you don’t make me do push-ups. That will be the end on my employment here. There’s only so much a girl can put up with at work,” Her eyes twinkle in amusement.

  “Well, don’t call me Lieutenant, and nobody has to exercise.”

  “Okay… Peeta. I won’t ever call you by the title I’m sure you worked hard for, then.”

  I go mute for a solid second. My name in her lips sounds… otherworldly. I’m oddly aware that my mouth is hanging open like a dying fish, but by the time I gather my wits around me to respond, Ryen bursts into the kitchen with another set of empty trays.

  “Squirrels, you’re done with that? Good! I need a favor, watch the counter for me. Gotta tinkle.”

  Katniss scowls. But says nothing else immediately marching to tend the front counter.

  Me on the other hand, cry out, “Ewww! TMI, dude! Nobody wants to know that shit!”

  Ryen gives me an outraged face, with his mouth forming a wide open O and his eyes equally rounded. “Language, Lieutenant! What will Captain America say? Shame on you, sir.”

  “Shut up, fuckward.” I tell him laughing.

  “When did you change branches, little brother? You’re supposed to be an airman not a potty mouthed sailor!”

  “Shut the hell up and go pee already!” I ball up a small portion of the dough I’m kneading and throw it at him.

  “My goodness! What’s going on here?” Gasps a clear female voice from the back door.

  Rye and I turn to the voice at the same time, just as my beautiful, extremely pregnant, sister-in-law, dumps her purse and a big tote bag on an empty chair by the door.

  “Delly!” I call excitedly. I leave my station, dusting the flour off my hands on my pants, to hug the woman, boxing Ryen out of the hug. “You look—“

  “Good enough to eat!” Ryen speaks over me, elbowing me out of the way.

  Delly blushes mortified, I gag, and my mother who’s just walking through the door oblivious to everything stares at us suspiciously.

  “Why is everyone just standing around lollygagging?”

  I decide we need to put a bell over the back door too. Too much traffic we missed coming in, in my opinion.

  “I’m on a potty break, Peeta is a potty mouth, and Dells just got here from Dollywood!” Says Rye kissing Delly in the cheek and rushing to the restroom just outside the counter at the front of the store.

  Mother doesn’t react to anything, but marches on to the office and leaves Delly and me finally alone.

  “I will never understand what you see in Ryen. He’s loud, annoying and as mentally advance as a thirteen year old boy, but hell I’m so glad you can stand that idiot!”

  Delly laughs, “Aww… he’s a cute idiot though. At least the baby will be a looker.” We hug each other and she kisses my cheek. “I’m so glad you’re home! Sorry I wasn’t here to welcome you properly.”

  “Well, you’re here now, looking amazing, and I can’t wait to meet the little rugrat. Being an uncle will trump flying any day!”

  The office door opens up bringing my mother back into the kitchen. She stands just outside the office to glare at us. “You’re still just loitering around? Get back to work people!”

  Delly tries to tie her apron on the back, but she’s having trouble, Katniss comes in from the front just as my mother starts for the swing doors, and before I can offer to help Delly with the string, Katniss is making a neat little bow with the very tips of the of the ties.

  “There!” She says.

  Delly turns her head towards the raven haired girl and smiles gratefully. “Thanks!”

  “No problem at all, Ms. Delly.” Katniss nods at my sister-in-law and goes to her peg with her messenger bag hanging from. She sticks her hand in the bag and ruts around blindly for a bit, pulls out a phone to send a text. Then she drops the phone back in the bag and returns to the front.

  As Katniss is passing us by, Delly asks, “Is your shift over, Katniss?”

  “Forty five more minutes. But Jo is picking me up today.”

  “Car problems again?” Asks Delly washing her hands.

  “As usual. The poor girl is in her last legs. Pretty soon I’m gonna have to break down and get a new car. Is too bad, Old Green has been a trooper for sure.”

  “Well, if you need a ride at all next week let us know, you hear?” Says Delly drying her hands on a paper towel.

  “Sure thing! Thank you, Ms. Delly.”

  I try not to eavesdrop, but is just impossible when I’m not wearing my earphones. I simply watch Katniss walk back to the front, and file away the information I just heard in my mind, without any real reason to. I finish my bread, put it in the oven and tell Delly about it so she can pull it out when it’s done. I plan to make myself scarce by time Mom is done with the registers. The less I see of her, the better my vacation will be.

———-

  Saturday morning comes, and I’m too restless to stay in bed past 0600.

  I’m slowly coming down the internal staircase to the apartment, the office sits directly under it, so I’m trying extra hard to be quiet, in case Mom is here. But then I have to snort at myself, because Mom hasn’t been to the bakery before noon in years.

  When I’m halfway down the stairs, a soft, pleasant sound starts filtering up from the kitchen. Some vaguely familiar ballad, and then my heart gives a little jolt, when the sweetest voice I’ve ever heard puts lyrics to the music.

  “Down in the valley valley so low Hang your head over hear the wind blow Hear the wind blow dear hear the wind blow Hang your head over hear the wind blow.”

  I keep trying to stay quiet as I step down, this time because I don’t want to disturb the singer, in case it’s an angel from heaven in the kitchen. I don’t want to spook it away before praying for its blessing.

I reach the landing, just as a new stanza begins, and when I come around the corner, see the long thick braid of Katniss’ hair, swing lazily down her back every time she sways to the song.

  “Roses love sunshine violets love dew Angels in heaven know I love you Know I love you dear know I love you Angels in heaven know I love—-

  “Oh my God!” She screams when she turns to place a tray of cinnamon rolls in the oven and sees me standing in the middle of the kitchen just staring at her like an awestruck dumbass.

  Years of training as a pilot, plus the ones of being in my high school’s wrestling team, not to mention ducking out of my mom’s projectile trajectory when she was pissed off with us, has afforded me great  reflexes. Thanks to those, I miraculously save the tray with rolls without missing any.

  “I’m so sorry!” I start apologizing.

  She’s clenching her chest with one hand, while holding herself upright with the other one grabbing the edge of the counter behind her. She shakes her head vehemently. “No, serves me right for doing it to you the other day.” She says massaging her chest. She cocks her head sideways and peeks at me with one eye half open while the other is shut tightly. “You startled me. I didn’t hear you come in. I thought I had locked the back door when I came in. Not many people can sneak up on me like that.”

  “Oh no… I’m staying upstairs!”

  “That explains it then,” she gives a nervous laugh. “I had no idea you were living upstairs.”

  “Well…” I tell her lamely. “I’m still sorry for startling you.” I tell her over my shoulder, placing the tray in the oven for her. “You have, the prettiest voice I’ve ever heard by the way.” I try not to sounds so stalkerish.

  She smiles but shakes her head. “Hardly. But thank you.”

  “So, uh… you’re here…” I cringe at myself. What kind of stupid thing to say. “I mean, I wasn’t expecting to see you here this early. Not that I have any idea of what anyone’s schedule is. I know I’m supposed to help anytime I’m awake, but that’s just me—“

  She lifts a slightly greasy hand up to stop my rant, and smiles. “It’s okay, sir. I swapped schedules with Thom, the other baker, so he could sleep in after a week of just sitting in the waiting room for his jury duty. Apparently the poor guy is exhausted from doing nothing but reading whatever controversial title that drunkard Abernathy recommended him to read in the waiting room to avoid actually sitting in court.” She shrugs, “I figure I rather have the afternoon off to spend it with my friend Jo or my sister, Primrose.”

  “Cool.” I say feeling like a sixty year old coot trying to sound young. “Uh, that song you were just singing…?”

  She chuckles turning to the sink to wash her hands off. I’m pleased to see a nice pink take over her olive skinned cheeks.

  “I guess you’re not the only one who enjoys old music.” She turns down the volume on the iPod dock by the sink. “It’s a mountain air. My dad used to sing to me all kinds of old, folksy songs. But I don’t sing much unless I’m alone.”

  “Why? You’re voice is incredible.” I tell her earnestly.

  Is a good thing she’s preoccupied wiping down her working station, because I can’t stop gawking at her. I’m noticing all kinds of traits I find just adorable; like the way her nose wrinkles at my words, disturbing the faded smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose. Or how perfectly shaped her eyebrows are, and how her blush makes her look so pure and innocent.

  “I’m okay, I guess. My father was the real deal. But he’s been gone for a long time now, and all I inherited from him were a bunch of old Appalachian ballads.” She doesn’t sound sad or bitter, just factual.

  “Well, I wouldn’t mind working with your voice as ambience noise.” I smile, hoping she takes it as a light hearted compliment.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to serenade me with your 70’s and 80’s jams?”

  It’s my turn to chuckle. “I’m fine, but by all means keep abusing my self esteem.”

  Her eyes go as round as silver dollars, “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to—“

  “Katniss! It’s a joke! And remember, it’s Peeta.”

  “I— I know. I’m sorry. It’s just, my father always taught me to be respectful to servicemen and women, and it’s just ingrained in my mind. Um, thank you for volunteering to protect our country. I have a little sister, you know, her safety is the most important thing in the world to me. I’ve thought several times of joining the army. They have so many benefits I could use, but I just can’t leave Prim alone so long, so I’m very appreciative of people who does leave home to train and become… uh, our defenders?” Her blush is so intense now, I feel bad for the poor thing, but my heart is beating wildly in my chest eating up all this undeserved praise.

  “Ugh… I’m sorry. I’m not very good at talking. I always say the most awkward stuff.”

  “Oh no! You’re great!” I try to assure her. “I’m the one who’s done nothing much to begin with. At least not something I’m terribly proud of, other than flying like a fiend when I need to. Your dad sounds like a stand up guy, I’m glad you had a man like him in your life. And as for joining the army, you can serve plenty around home.” I’m not entirely sure about the last part, but in my head it sounded like the right thing to say.

  “Well, I think you’re great.” She says, but as soon as the words leave her mouth, she goes into a mortified rant, avoiding my eyes at all costs. “I mean… um, I think what you do is great. And your folks are so proud of you too!” She stammers and talks so fast I barely catch up everything she said.

  “Oh yeah,” I say before I can stop the sarcasm, “Mom is real proud of the free labor I provide for her while on leave.”

  I look up defensively, not wanting pity from her, but there isn’t any of that in her soft eyes at all. Instead, she smiles at me, and nods towards the swing doors; she waves me to follow her, and then she points at my picture by the register.

  “Mrs. Mellark is not the nicest person around, but see how that picture hasn’t the tiniest speck of dust on it? She pulls a rag or a handkerchief if she forgets the rag, and cleans the frame every day after counting the money in the till.”

  She lets the information sink in for a bit, letting the door leaf she’s holding open for me swing back into place. She walks back to her station and starts on a batch of muffins.

  I stay there for a moment longer before stepping to the shelf with fresh laundered aprons, grabbing one for myself. The cynical part of me can’t accept that my mother would have a sweet gesture towards me without an ulterior motive; maybe she wipes down the frame so her bridge club friends believe she’s a proud, dedicated, mother… or maybe it’s to show up that church deacon lady she’s got this unspoken rivalry with, I don’t know what her angle is, but I keep it to myself, because I don’t want Katniss to think I’m ungrateful or whatever.

  I just get to work on kneading bread. Methodically and repetitive, relaxing and familiar. I work my frustration with each fold and every time my hands squeeze the malleable concoction on the table. I feel like this is where I belong. I’m actually happy working the dough. It’s not the same rush adrenaline flowing when I get in my cockpit, but here, in this place with a sweet country melody in the background, I feel content.

  Me and Katniss start working on the same station when my dad shows up fifteen minutes later. It’s actually nice sharing the counter with her. She’s tidy, efficient, and meticulous and takes suggestions gratefully. So when dad asks if I’d mind teaching her some frosting techniques, I make a stupid joke, but jump to it with both feet in.

  “Katniss, if you want to decorate cakes like the masters, Peeta’s the guy to learn from.”

  “I don’t know, Pops,” I say eying the girl in mock suspicion. “Can she be trusted with my trade secrets?”

  Cue in the blushing and shying her gaze away. I can’t help thinking she’s cute… pretty, really. I feel like I should be doing something to impress her with my baking and frosting talents.

  “Come, Padawan, I’ll show you the ways of the frost!”

  Katniss looks up at me and tries to hide the curl of her lips. “Okay, but I’m not calling you master,” she says low enough I have to strain my neck to hear her.

  “Peeta will do!” I say winking at her, and her cheeks go impossibly scarlet; the sight enthralls me and I wonder if I can keep doing and saying things to make her blush. “Alright!” I give a clap, “let’s do this!”

  We spend the next couple of hours icing cookies, stacking cakes and practicing the basics of mixing colors. She’s very studious, doesn’t blush as much while we’re actually working on the task at hand, which I respect very much about her. Katniss asks questions confidently and tries to figure out things from her own perspective until she has a solid hold on a concept or skill I’m showing her. She’s serious, but scowls less than when Ryen is the one talking to her.

  Delly and Ryen arrive a few minutes into our decorating techniques class, and Dad comes to our station to tells to take a break, but we’re almost done putting on the base layer of frosting on a birthday cake, and Katniss insists she wants to see it through.

  At around 0930, Rye peeks his head through the swing doors and calls loudly. “Hey, Squirrels, you’ve got visitors.”

  Katniss looks up scowling. “Who?”

  “Your sister and her friend.”

  “Uh… I’m a bit busy—“

  “Take a break, Everdeen!” Says Dad walking by us with a steaming mug of coffee, heading to his office. “Or I’ll dock you thirty bucks!”

  Katniss’ face sours right away, and I have to shake my head ruefully at myself for thinking she’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t help it. I think I’m infatuated with the girl, which is so strange to me. I know things about her, but I don’t know her, and then, there’s the issue of our age difference. We’re like six years apart… it hurts my head just thinking of it.

  “Okay, Mr. Mellark. I’m taking my fifteen minutes.” She says morosely, stepping away from the counter, untying her apron and dusting her hands from flour.

  She wipes herself clean, straightens her Mellark’s uniform, and nods at me. “Thank you for taking time to show me how to decorate a cake. I appreciate your help.” She tells me very politely, with a businesslike edge.

  “Hey, I’m not done with you yet,” I tell her and see the color fill her face before smiling, “I’ll make the best pastry chef around out of you. Count on it!” I wink again, and she doesn’t disappoint with her shy smile.

  “Thanks. It means a lot.” She nods, and goes out the front, to see her sister.

  I’ve been in the back on my own for a bit, and Delly calls from the counter, “Hey, Peeta? Are there any more cheese buns in the cooling rack? We need some out here.”

  “Cheese buns coming up!” I answer already grabbing the tray.

  The bakery is packed. There’s a line snaking around the side of the counter, mostly people try to grab something and go, but we also have a few tables by the back wall, cafe style, completely full. My eyes go straight to the long, thick, dark braid in the very back corner. Her back is to me, and a pair of teenage girls sit facing the display case I’m stoking with pastries.

  Katniss’ table is a picture perfect diversity poster. One of the girls is blonde and blue eyed, with ivory skin; her friend has a smooth ebony complexion, with a riot of dark curls framing her thin face, and soulful brown eyes that light up when she notices the cheese buns have arrived; and then there’s Katniss, with her olive skin and gray eyes with streaks of blue in the irises. A beautiful palette of people.

  “Peeta, would you mind taking two cheese buns and an apple turnover to table five?” Asks Delly bagging a loaf for a customer.

  I look up at Rye, who’s busy taking a cake order over the phone.

  “No problemo!” I tell her reaching for a plate and forks.

  As it turns out, table five is Katniss’ table. Objectively, I knew that already from years working in the bakery, but for some reason the two things didn’t correlate until I looked towards table five, and the two teens were craning their necks around a stiff looking Katniss to gawk at me.

  Aw! High schoolers! Not much has changed.

  The girls start giggling quietly and elbowing each other while their amused eyes flit from me to one another; they start swapping hushed comments behind their hands but their voices carry anyway.

  “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, he’s coming over!”

  “Gah! Are you seeing those baby blues?”

  “No! I’m preoccupied with his biceps! Lord have mercy!”

  Katniss pounces forward, leaning closer to the girls. “Cut it out! He can probably hear you two!”

  “Morning, ladies!” I say loudly, not to startle Katniss since her back is to me. I hold up the plate of pastries to them. “Two cheese buns and an apple turnover. Enjoy!” I give them a polite nod and place the plate in the middle of the table, trying to remain professional for Katniss’ sakes.

  “Thank you, Captain Mellark,” Says the blonde, who’s obviously Primrose, judging by how much her features favor her big sister, except for her hair color.

  “First Lieutenant!” Katniss hisses at her sister, eyes alarmed and full of aggravation.

  “It’s fine,” I assure them. “No worries. Call me Peeta if you’re in doubt.” I smile at them beatifically and then move on from the table.

  I can hear the girls giggling and Katniss’ mortified groan.

  “Oh my gosh, he’s hot!”

  “Primrose! Mind yourself!” Katniss berates her sister in a harsh whisper.

  “What! I’m fifteen, not blind.”

  “Rue, what are you doing? Put the phone down! Oh my god, you’re gonna get me fired!”

  “I’m texting Jo! I’d be in trouble if don’t.”

  “Oh yes! Jo will like to hear all about yummy airman here!”

  Katniss grunts, “Ugh! Eat your snacks and go home! And please, leave Jo out of this.”

  Is the last thing I hear them say. I’m wondering who this Joe person is? It’s the third time the name creeps up in conversation, and I just don’t like the little flash of annoyance I feel when I hear it.

  ———

  It’s a slow Monday, so I give myself the day off and run a couple of errands around town: fill up the tank of the car Delly let me borrow while I’m home, call up a couple of friends to say hi, hang out with Finn during his ‘lunch break’, then go grocery shopping, because I’ve been subsisting on bakery scraps and junk food for the first week of leave, and I should at least try to maintain a healthy diet, so I don’t get too fat. Getting back in shape at training isn’t my idea of fun.

  It’s bizarre how many times I have to stop to say hi to some acquaintance while pushing my buggy around the store. Most of them are my folks’ friends, that want to see the ‘fighter boy’. Sometimes it can be too much, but I try to think of it as supportive. This people saw me growing up into what I am today. It’s understandable they want to let me know I’m making my little hometown proud, just for doing what I’m passionate about.

  What I’m not expecting is to literally bump into Katniss Everdeen in the frozen vegetable aisle.

  She’s walking backwards from the fridge with an armfull of assorted veggies, and I just happened to come around the corner too distracted, because I’m waving a little old lady from mom’s knitting club bye, to see where I’m going.

  All of Katniss frozen bags fall to the floor.

  “I’m so sorry!”

  “Oh my god!”

  We exclaim at the same time. After a second of staring at each other in disbelief, we dive down to pick up the bags.

  “No, no. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have grab all these at once.”

  “No, the fault is mine. I should’ve been looking where I was going.”

  We bring the veggies to a shopping cart a foot away from Katniss, and filled to the brim with groceries, and dump the lot on the very top.

  Katniss pulls a piece of paper and a pen from the back pocket of her jeans and scratches something out, stuffing the writing materials back in their spot. She finally looks up at me, blushing as usual.

  “Um… so, Monday, Monday.” She says nervously, staring hopefully at me while balancing on the ball of her feet.

  It takes me a minute of just gawking at her puzzled, before figuring out why she’s acting so peculiar, until it clicks.

  Lyrics. She’s quoting a song.

  I smirk and answer, “Can’t trust that day.”

  She bites her lower lip, that does nothing to suppress the biggest smile I’ve seen on her so far. “Sometimes it just turns out that way.”

  I’m so enthralled watching her lips that the next line comes all choppy at first. “Every other day. Every other day of the week is fine,”

  “Yeah.” She actually sings the word, which makes me chuckle.

  We continue lobbing lyrics back and forth for a bit.

“But whenever Monday comes,”

  “But whenever Monday comes, you can find me cryin´ all of the time.”

  “Monday, Monday.”

  “So good to me.”

  “Can’t guarantee.”

  And now we’re just staring at each other in the middle of the deserted aisle, and suddenly we’re laughing loudly.

  “That was…”

  “Ridiculous!”

  “Oh, but it was great!”

  “No it wasn’t! It was so… cheesy! I’m just glad you knew the song, otherwise I would’ve looked like a total idiot.”

  She actually puts her hand on my forearm— for balance I assume— and I think this is the first time we touch, other than when we met and shook hands. My skin is all tingly where her fingers lift from.

  But our bubble of merriment gets obliterated with the literal pop of loud gum bubble popping right beside us.

  “Wow… Sunshine is onto somethin’ here, Brainless.” Says a girl with spiky, short, brown hair, wide-set brown eyes with one eyebrow arch in scrutiny, and the most obnoxious gum chewing I’ve ever seen in a female. “Aren’t you gonna introduce me to Captain Muscles here?” She spares Katniss a devious glance, and then returns to scan me head to toe.

  Katniss’ lips thin out, she’s fighting off a blush, but the blood filling her cheeks is winning. Reluctantly, she turns to me, “Lieutenant, my best friend, Jo. Jo, First Lieutenant, Peeta Mellark.” She gives her friend a murderous glare.

  “You’re Joe?” I ask idiotically while narrowing my eyes at the girl… clearly female. “I thought you were Katniss boyfriend.” I extend my hand for her to shake.

  She watches my hand and lets it sit in the air for a second or two before taking it and squeezing hard. She holds a penetrating eye contact while shaking my hand. “Who says I’m not, just because I’m a girl?”

  My mouth goes dry. I scratch the back of my neck embarrassedly, I open my mouth to say something, because really, Katniss could be in a same sex relationship for all I know. Just because she gets all pink in the face when I’m around doesn’t mean she’s attracted to me… or any man for that matter.

  Katniss groans, but just as she’s trying to say something her friend speaks.

  “Johanna Mason,” Says the girl eyeing me with a devilish gleam in her brown eyes, “as deliciously awkward you guys look right now, I have to admit Brainless is not my type. Too stoic and hero like for me. But you on the other hand…” she gives me a mock roar, and Katniss turns beet red with the deepest scowl I’ve ever seen.

  “Jo!” Katniss hisses.

  Johanna rolls her eyes, “I’m just joking, for fucks sakes! Don’t get your panties in a knot, KitKat.” She blows another irritating bubble gum and smirks at me, “see you around Fly Boy!” She winks and takes the handle of the shopping cart. “Come on girlfriend, let’s pay for your shit. I’m tired of meander around like a headless chicken.”

  After waving goodbye at me woodenly, Katniss follows her friend to the registers, and I stay there wondering how the hell such a goofy, cute encounter could have just fizzled down so fast with one single pop of a gum bubble?

  ———-

  Thom is back from jury duty and the workload evens out easier with another experienced baker in the kitchen.

  Katniss has school in the evening, so her shift starts around 0800, until 17:30. Since I get to chose my own hours, as long as I show up a minimum five times a week, I decide to show up after lunch to work on an order of cupcakes easy enough for Katniss to practice the basic frosting I showed her on Saturday.

  After we’re done with those, Thom slips me a piece of paper with an order for a four tier wedding cake in fondant and sugar flowers. Thom looks absolutely delighted passing on the task to me, because after all, decorating the cakes was my specialty growing up.

  “When is this due?” I ask scratching my head with the back of my wrist, trying not to get vanilla filling on my hair.

  “Friday evening.” Says Thom gleefully turning to some easier pastry to deal with. “Figured you’d like the chance to get back on the saddle!”

  “Gee… thanks.”

  Thom smiles, “What can I say? It’s good to have you back!”

  “Let me guess, the bride is a perfectionist. A real bridezilla.”

  “Nah. Bride’s sweet as pie, the mom on the other hand… total bitch.”

  I groan. It’s always my luck, having to deal with crazy cougars, trying to live up their dreams through their daughters weddings.

  “Shit. This thing says the order was placed yesterday. Why am I getting it today? This only gives me three full days to finish.”

  “Well, your lazy ass didn’t come in yesterday, and the boss said to give you the work order, he thinks you’ll have a field day with it, ha! Better start baking those cakes, dude.”

  “Fuck it!” I hang my head low, and shuffle to the pantry to get the ingredients. It’s four tiers in a different flavor each, and one of them is supposed to be filled with fresh strawberries.

  “Mmm, I can help you… if you want. I’ve never worked with fondant, but I can mix a cake no problem, and you need four of those.”

  I look up to find Katniss’ hopeful grey eyes, watching my tower of ingredients shyly.

  “I guess I can teach you how to work with fondant while we’re at it. I’ve heard you take evening classes. We can work on the technical part of the decoration during the morning…”

  “I can come back after classes too.” She offers eagerly. “I get out at 8:15, which puts me here around 8:40 or so. Unless that’s too late?”

  “No, no, that’s perfect. Okay, partner, let’s kick some cake ass!”

  Working the cake with Katniss is actually a lot of fun. We listen to music on the iPod dock, and she makes fun of me for not liking the Beatles, but having all of Johnny Cash’ collection. It’s a moot point, since she knows all the lyrics to every Johnny Cash song that pops up in my device. It’s nice.

  She goes to school, and I take a nice three hour break. No sense working in the cake if I have to show Katniss how to work with it.

  She shows up again at 21:45, and I let her into the back door, promptly locking us in after she steps into the kitchen. The front has been closed for hours already, but I’m not very comfortable with the back unlocked at this time.

  “I just don’t get it,” she says pulling a face, sifting in the flour on the table top to knead the fondant.

  “What’s that?” I ask without lifting my yes from my own batter.

  “Oh, nothing, is just that you’re this greater than life legend here in town— you should hear Abernathy’s tall tales about you— but you’ve been cooped up in the apartment, pretty much all week, instead of going out and stuff.”

  “I’m a house wart. I rather stay in than going out. You?” I look at her under my eyelashes.

  She makes a face. “I’m antisocial according to Prim.”

  “You seem to do pretty well around me, so you’re not completely antisocial.”

  She smiles gratefully. “And I’m not sure how I manage that.” She says softly, looking down at the block of fondant we’re supposed to be working with.

  “Why is that?” I ask haltingly, a small thrilling swoop in my stomach tells me to tread carefully with her. I don’t want to do anything stupid.

  Katniss eyes take an earnest shine, and I finally understand that “Windows to the soul” thing they say about eyes. I can see so many emotions in those big, gray eyes that stare at me like I’m something really special.

  She turns to the fondant, “So, after kneading this thing, we use the rolling pin… how thin do we need it?”

  Oh she’s good! Master deflector I see. I nod almost imperceptibly staring her in the eye.

  “Well, for this cake they only want white, but other times we would have to add a couple of food coloring drops, if the order calls for it. Then we knead with a bit of flour so it doesn’t stick to the table or our fingers, and you’re welcome to wear gloves if you want to, so you don’t stain your hands.”

  I show her for a minute, then let her take over, and keep giving her tips here and there to work more efficiently.

  We put filling in all the separate flavored cakes, and prep them with frosting to place the first layer of fondant down. I tell her we will work on the individual tiers before stacking them together and go on about the correct way to lay fondant down, but her first attempt is a disaster. The fondant is too pasty and thin, so it sticks together and brakes apart like melted marshmallows.

  “I’m so sorry,” she winces. “I promise I’ll get the next one right.”

  “It’s okay, nobody gets everything perfect the first time they try something new.” I tell her softly, wiping away the table so we can start again. “It’s just sugar, you’ll get it. Here, let me help you.” I offer, standing behind her and putting my hands over hers to guide her while rolling the piece of solid icing.

  As soon as I feel her small hands under mine, and feel her lithe body shiver against mine, I realize what a total mistake this is. I should move away, really, but I don’t want her to think she’s done anything wrong, so I bite down on my stupid nervousness and keep teaching her how to make a cake.

  “Like this,” I say softer than I intended.

  Katniss follows the instructions, and then I really should move away, but she says she needs help placing the newly rolled out fondant, and I’m her teacher, I can’t just leave her there on her own; but fuck if my body is not reacting to her like I basket of hormones.

  “We… pick up the rolling pin with the layer of fondant, and carefully… unroll it on top of the cake. Don’t let the rolling pin fall on the cake. That’ll be bad.”

  She chuckles that silent laugh of hers where only a puff of sound escapes her, and her shoulders shake until she’s done laughing.

  I almost groan. The slight of her ass momentarily grazed against the front of my pants, and my dick immediately reacted to it, as it had been called to action… hell… when was the last time I had sex with anyone other than my hand?

  “Okay! Done! I’ll take it from here!” I speak breathlessly and too fast.

  “But it’s my turn to lay it down.” Katniss protests.

  “You don’t have to. I can finish myself…” fuck, “The fondant, that is.” Fuckety fuck! Shut up mouth… now!

  I have no idea why am I still bracing my arms at each side of her on the table, I really should step away now, but she tilts her head almost around to look at me, and those twin moons are so pretty and full of wonder, I can’t move.

  “How’s this?” She asks in this thin voice that tugs at me.

  I look down, and realized she’s been working on the icing all along, and other than a crinkle here, and another there, she’s pretty much done with the last cake.

  “That’s great. Thank you!”

  She smiles widely at me. “Now we just need to set it aside.” She tells me turning in my arms, with the cake in her hands. It’s the only thing that forces me to move away.

  Once she places the last tier on a shelf to rest. She looks up at me. “Thank you, mister Peeta. Working with you is such an amazing opportunity, I have no words to tell you how grateful I am for all your family has done for me.”

  “Peeta. Please.” I say quietly, coming closer to her like a magnet to another. “It’s an honor helping you. You’re a very dedicated apprentice. Tomorrow we will make flowers.”

  “Okay.” She exhales breathily, and her eyes keep dipping to my mouth. “I can’t wait…”

  I’m standing five inches from her… or at least I think that’s how far my chest is from hers.

  “Are you hungry?” I ask her suddenly.

  “I— Yes. I could eat.” Her eyes focus on my face intently. “I’ve never seen the apartment upstairs. Is it comfortable?” She asks.

  I can feel the blood pooling in my groin. “It’s great. I grew up there. I can give you a tour, if you agree to have a sandwich with me.”

  She bites her lip and nods. “Okay.”

  “Let’s go then.”

[raendown]

Part 2 of @white-crow-haruno‘s commission! 

Pairing: KakashiSakura Word count: 3259 Rated: E Summary: She'd known him for years. She knew exactly what he wanted as soon as she realized he was flirting with her - and Sakura was definitely up for whatever Kakashi had in mind. No strings attached? No problem.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

One Night Is All We Need

If someone had told her that one day she would be standing by the bar of a seedy nightclub while Hatake Kakashi gave her blatant sex eyes from across the room, Sakura would have called them crazy for a lot of years. Until a few months ago she hadn’t thought of the man as anything more than the Hokage, a man who had once failed at being her teacher before passing her off to someone else, a good friend now but nothing more than that. It wasn’t until she realized that he had slowly begun to flirt with her that her thoughts began turning in other directions.

Of course, as his friend she had a good idea of what to expect should she ever fall for those charms. Kakashi had been a bachelor for as long as she’d known him and would continue on without attachments probably until the day he died. He seemed happy, at least, so Sakura had never bothered to join the train of concerned busybodies prying their noses in to his love life.

But if he wanted a night of fun together? A night that rumor said would leave her satisfied for days afterward? That certainly didn’t sound like a bad thing to her, a single mother who hadn’t had sex since her wedding night four years ago. Not many people wanted to get involved with the infamous last Uchiha’s ex-wife.

“I’d take that opportunity if I were you.” Sakura jumped when a familiar voice muttered in her ear, looking beside her to find Yamato, her old team captain, smirking over the lip of his beer.

“Confirmed a few rumors yourself, have you?”

“Sempai and I go way back,” was all he said, though he did follow up his statement with a wink.

Turning to look back across the bar, she found Kakashi tracing the shape of her legs with his eyes, dragging his gaze up so slowly she could almost feel it like a physical touch, goosebumps lifting on her skin and a familiar heat gathering in her belly. Maybe a roll in the hay with someone who was guaranteed not to get attached was just the sort of thing she needed to get back in the game. Ino had been on her case for months to start going on dates again.

“Watch my beer,” she called over one shoulder. When she hopped off her stool to walk away she could hear Yamato chuckling to himself behind her.

“I might as well drink it,” he called back. “Don’t think you’ll be coming back for the rest.”

As it turned out, he was right. Though Sakura knew she’d had some sort of conversation with Kakashi it was all a blur in her mind until suddenly they were leaving together and flickering away to land in a rather empty looking bedroom. The layout was familiar, recognizable as the Hokage mansion, but it seemed he hadn’t bothered to personalize much during his own stay here. Not that it mattered. Neither of them needed pretty walls to get busy in between them.  

Sakura was a little surprised when the first thing Kakashi did was kiss her – until she felt the soft material of her own decorative headband being pulled down over her eyes. All these years and she still hadn’t managed to see what he looked like under that mask, not even a quick glimpse.

“What’s the matter, Hokage-sama?” she purred. “Don’t trust me?”

“Maa, it’s not about trust. I just thought this seemed like your kind of thing.” With her training it wasn’t hard to tell where his voice was coming from, slightly to the right now that he had pulled away a bit. Sakura turned her head to smile at him.

“It is, actually,” she admitted with some surprise. How he’d known that was a mystery she did not want to spoil. It was exciting to wonder what else he had deduced just from watching her.

Knowing where her partner was did not help her anticipate the feather light touch of his hands when they rested on her hips without warning. Sakura gasped, giggled at her own silly reaction, and then bit her lip at the feeling of large palms tracing up her sides. When both hands changed course to slide inwards and cup her breasts she had to gasp again and Kakashi took advantage of her open mouth by capturing it with his own in a fiery kiss.  

Sakura found herself being introduced to new ways for applying her shinobi skills then as Kakashi began to remove her clothing piece by piece almost entirely without her noticing. It was jarring to get so lost in his kiss and then come out of the fog to realize that her shirt was missing and her pants slid halfway down her thighs, scarf dangling precariously from one shoulder and bra missing entirely. The blunt fingernail that scratched lightly and enticingly across one of her nipples was a deliciously unexpected touch as well.

“Do I get to play too?” she asked, catching the wrist attached to that wandering hand and following it all the way back to a naked chest. When he’d had time to get himself undressed as well she didn’t know but she certainly wasn’t complaining.

“I prefer to make it less about me,” Kakashi rumbled as he pulled her against him without warning and leaned down to nip the top of her ear. “Unless you have a problem with that?”

“A problem with letting you make me feel good? I’m not completely crazy, thanks. You just tell me where to lie down and I am all yours, Hokage-sama.”

He groaned very softly and Sakura got the impression that he rather enjoyed her calling him that. Ironic, considering how hard he’d fought against taking the job at first. A moment later it was her groaning as soft lips wrapped themselves around her other nipple and suckled gently. Strong hands returned to her hips and gently guided her backwards until her knees hit what she assumed to be the mattress, her theory confirmed when she was encouraged to sit and then to lie back.

With her feet off the ground it was much easier to dispose of her shoes and peel her pants off the rest of the way. It should have felt strange to lay back naked and blindfolded knowing that Kakashi, of all people, could see her in such an exposed state. All she felt was a rush of arousal when she felt him kneel on the edge of the mattress as well and lift her hips to help shuffle her more towards the middle.

“Do you know what I was thinking tonight while I was watching you?” Kakashi’s voice spoke from directly over top of her as he settled in between her open legs, his own bare skin brushing against hers.

“Gods yes,” she breathed. Even blindfolded her hands found his hair unerringly when she reached out, tugging on the strands to bring him closer.

“I was trying to imagine how good you would taste, how loud I could make you scream while I suck on your clit. Or maybe you’re not a screamer, maybe you’re the type to dig your nails in and mark all the places that you’ve been, hm?” She could feel his wicked grin when he finally let her pull him in for another kiss.

“Tell you what,” she whispered against his lips. “If you can make me scream with your tongue tonight then maybe I’ll do the same for you tomorrow under your desk.”

His breathing hitched with interest and Sakura took her turn to grin.

“Naughty naughty, doctor Haruno. I like it. And I shall very gladly take you up on that offer.”

Kakashi granted her one more kiss before crawling down her body, licking a path down the valley between her breasts, dragging his teeth along the lines of her abdomen. When he met the patch of hair between her legs Sakura remembered suddenly that she hadn’t tidied that area in way too long but if he minded the natural look then he said nothing about it.

Her legs parted easily at his gentle touch, already spread to accommodate him between them and widening now just to feel his hungry gaze on the most secret parts of her body. She felt the mattress shift when he leaned down and yet somehow it was still a shock to feel his tongue drag along her outer lips and gather the moisture she knew would already be gathering there. As she hooked both legs over his shoulders Kakashi opened her with two fingers and delved deep, no more warning given than a rush of warm breath on her skin before suddenly she was clenching her fists in the blankets with pleasure.

It only took a couple of minutes for Sakura to wonder if she hadn’t stumbled on to the secret of nirvana, hidden on the tip of Kakashi’s tongue and bolstered by the two fingers he slid inside her, slowly pumping them in and out while he fulfilled his promise to suck on her clit. Every time he paused to draw circles with his tongue she saw stars and each time his fingers curled to find that one incredible spot deep inside she ran out of air to breathe.

Considering how long it had been since any hands but her own had touched her body this way, Sakura hoped it was more understandable than laughable just how quickly she reached her first orgasm. One moment she had her head tossed back to moan with abandon and the next pleasure like she’d never experienced was ripping through her veins and encouraging her to grind down on Kakashi’s face until she could take it no more and fell back to the blankets, panting as though she’d run to Suna and back. Her entire body convulsed when he swiped at her clit one last time and Sakura let out a single helpless puff of laughter.

“Well…I don’t know about you but I didn’t hear any screaming. Is that all you’ve got, Hokage-sama?”

“I would say you’ll regret saying that…” Kakashi’s weight shifted away from between her knees and then hands on her hips were turning her over without warning. “But I suppose your punishment could be considered more of a reward than anything else.”

Sakura allowed her body to be pushed and pulled, anxious to see where she would end up and what heights he would take her to next. Gentle hands traced the shape of her muscular thighs before gripping and hauling her up in to a doggy style position. Then they skimmed up her inner thighs to dip back inside of her and drag out another gasp of surprise.

“Ready for me again so soon, I see.”

Even if she could think of a response while his fingers worked their magic inside her she would have lost it again when they slipped up to rub a few circles around her now overly sensitive clit. Sakura was already panting again by the time she heard a condom wrapper being torn open, crying out in mindless protest when those glorious fingers stopped what they were doing only to moan as something blunt and thick pressed against her entrance.

Kakashi made a low noise behind her but it was hard to concentrate on anything other than the cock slowly pressing deeper and deeper, filling her more than she’d ever been filled. As a confident adult woman Sakura was not ashamed to admit she had purchase a dildo or two to satisfy her desires since the divorce was finalized but she’d never thought to purchase anything that stretched her limits quite like Kakashi’s natural gifts. Her face was burning for the shameless noises dripping from her lips but she couldn’t stop herself; he felt incredible inside her.

Just as she was starting to think she couldn’t possibly fit all of him in Kakashi bottomed out, pausing for a moment to grind his hips in a small circle and then pulling out almost as slowly as he had pushed in. The drag felt amazing but not as good as it felt when he braced her hips with both hands and slammed forward again.

The pace he set up was punishing, would have been too much if she weren’t just as much of a hardened soldier as him. Sakura closed her eyes, planted her face in the sheets, and rocked back in to the motion as well as she could, writhing against the hands holding her in place and almost hoping they would leave a few bruises like trophies of the best fuck she’d ever had. Whether they did or not, she knew she would definitely be thinking about this the next time she relieved a bit of tension on her own.

“Fuck you’re tight,” her partner grunted, a note of surprise in his voice.

“I – shit – I do my Kegels,” she said. Despite the pleasure rolling eyes back in her head she even managed a bit of sarcasm too and surprised a laugh out of him.

“And so wet for me. Is this how you like it, Sakura? You like it when your Hokage fucks you from behind?”

“I’d like it if he fucked me a little harder.” She could feel heat creeping up the back of her neck but refused to take the words back. He wasn’t the only one who could talk dirty, though she’d hardly had many chances to perfect the art of it herself.

Kakashi must have appreciated her efforts more than she expected him to. Instead of replying with something sassy like he normally would he simply took her advice and upped the intensity, snapping their hips together so hard she was sure that his fingers weren’t the only thing that would be leaving bruises.

And damn was it good. It was everything she’d thought she was fine without the last few years. Hopefully Kakashi wouldn’t mind a few repeats of tonight until she could actually get herself back in to the dating scene.

From the grunts and moans that had begun to slip out it was easy to tell when Kakashi was getting close, which Sakura was very thankful for since she could feel another orgasm creeping up on her as well, just waiting to pull her under the waves. When his rhythm began to stutter Sakura transferred all her weight to one arm and desperately shoved the other underneath her own writhing body to take up the same patterns he had drawn on her clit before. Almost immediately she could feel a tightening in her muscles and she knew it wouldn’t take much to push her over that edge.

In fact, all it took was the almost violent crash of Kakashi’s hips against her own as his rhythm broke down entirely and he remained buried deep inside of her to grind out his own peak. Sakura didn’t bother to muffle the filthy moan that slipped out, concentrating only on drawing faster circles with her fingers until finally her entire body shuddered with release for a second time and the intensity of it turned her moan in to a helpless scream.

The world around her felt fuzzy and distant as Kakashi gently slipped out and helped her crumple sideways on top of the blankets. Static mixed with the blood running through her veins until all she could do for several minutes was lie still and stare sightlessly at whatever happened to be across the room. When she finally came back to herself she realized that she couldn’t see because the blindfold was still wrapped securely around her head and moved to pull it off. Unfortunately she was too late; by the time she turned around to peek at Kakashi he had already pulled his mask back over his nose and was just fastening his trousers in to place.

“Damn,” she murmured. He blinked innocently at her over the mask and then chuckled.

“You thought it would be that easy, huh? Seduce me once and discover all of my deepest darkest secrets?”

He was, at least, still without a shirt. Sakura openly dragged her eyes down the planes of his chest in admiration. All shinobi worked out but not everyone was gifted with such naturally pleasing shapes – or maybe she was just weird about which body shapes she found pleasing to the eye. Being trained as a medic had left her with some very odd habits, after all.

“A girl can hope,” she murmured, forcing herself to sit up properly and casting around for where her clothing had gotten to. Her shirt lay within easy reach at the foot of the bed but her bra seemed to have gone on an adventure somewhere and it took her a few minutes to locate it hanging from a dresser drawer. She laughed when she realized that her underwear was hanging from the ceiling fan above their heads. Only Kakashi would be so cliché.

When they were both completely dressed and presentable once more Sakura turned to her friend and gave him a long, contemplative look. It really was a shame that TenTen was expecting her to come pick up her daughter at midnight; she would have liked to stay and see if they could go for another round.

“Heading out?” Kakashi asked, a clear invitation to stay and follow the train of thought she’d just been entertaining.

“Unfortunately I’m expected elsewhere rather soon.”

“Maa, not even time for a nightcap on your way out? You know I always enjoy our talks.” His eyes turned up in that same old smile, the one she used to think was so mysterious and cool when she was younger. The older she got the more she realized the man was more dork than mystery.

Sakura checked her pockets to make sure she had everything as she shook her head. “You mean you like it when I talk and you pretend you’re not reading porn under the table.”

“Every man has their vice,” Kakashi told her solemnly, one hand held earnestly to his chest.

“Well, you’re free to go enjoy that vice on your own for the rest of the evening.” On her way to the door Sakura paused to lay her own hand against that gorgeous chest and look up at him through heavy-lidded eyes. “But I suppose a scream is a scream no matter if it wasn’t because of your tongue and that means I will be seeing you tomorrow, Hokage-sama.”

She was out in the hallway a moment later, the sound of his dirty giggles chasing at her heels.  A smile curled her lips as she let herself out the front door to take her bearings and assess whether she was sober enough to use a body flicker jutsu. In the end she decided it would be better for her to just travel by rooftop. The exercise and the cool evening air would help her sober up and it wasn’t like she’d never run in heels before; she’d be fine.

More than fine, actually. After such an explosive end to an already great night out Sakura felt like a brand new woman. She’d gotten laid for the first time in four years, tomorrow she would get laid again, and she now had bragging rights over Ino for bedding one of the hottest bachelors in the village. After spending so long stuck in a rut it looked like things were finally starting to go her way.

[cyabae]

Bedtime Stories Against the World - Day 1

Day 1: Memories | Reincarnation

Warnings: This work contains flashbacks from some of the darkest moments seen in the original series.

Words: 797

You can keep up with the series also on AO3! This is my first entry for @kakaobiweek2019

The crescent moon shone softly, illuminating white light.

Kakashi wasn’t quite sure what had made him open the curtains that night. This was one of those odd hours when the air felt different even though everything seemed and sounded normal. Sure, the water heater was making thumping sounds and the light bulb above the kitchen sink flickered once or twice every minute but those things were perfectly ordinary little household quirks. Perhaps the strange feeling stemmed from sleep deprivation. After all, it was almost three o’clock.

A low whimper snapped Kakashi back to reality. Pakkun was kicking his legs in his sleep. The other dogs were in the bedroom with Obito, probably taking up all the space Kakashi had left when he had gotten up to make tea.

Kakashi sighed as he realized that he couldn’t concentrate on the book he was holding. His insomnia had been at its worst lately, and the dreams he had weren’t helping. He kept seeing an image of a young girl – life fading away from her as blood surged out of her mouth. And every time Kakashi woke up, he felt a sticky, warm sensation around his arm.

The kitchen light flickered.

Kakashi sank deeper down in his chair. He had to get a hold of himself since this kind of self-pitying was silly. Admittedly, the flashes of weird, disturbing instances were a bit unnerving but they were just dreams. Aside from them, life was good. Kakashi’s career as a photographer was going well. He had eight absolutely lovely dogs and a beautiful apartment right in the middle of the bustling city of Konoha, not to mention that he was a married man.

Thinking about Obito made Kakashi smile. Their relationship was full of passion and fun even after all of the years they’d been together.

There was something really magnetic about Obito. It was like Kakashi had known him even before they’d met. He didn’t really believe in past lives but the concept seemed to make some sense whenever he pulled Obito close in a loving embrace and when they looked into each other’s eyes, smiling and grateful to have one another.

Kakashi looked out of the window, admiring the city lights and the waning moon. His nerves were beginning to calm down now that he’d had some time to recollect his thoughts. The nightmares felt less real outside the dark bedroom.

“Can’t sleep?” Obito’s voice came from behind Kakashi.

“Maa, I just wanted to finish this book before coming back to bed,” Kakashi pointed at the cover of the book he was still holding in his hand.

Obito gave a sour look and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Bullshit,” he announced. “You should really go see someone.”

“A couple of weird dreams is hardly a reason to start popping pills,” Kakashi stated. Besides, the last time he had visited doctor Senju, she’d given a lengthy speech about the dangers of drinking too much tea and wearing wrong footwear when exercising.

“Right. When was the last time you slept through the night?” Obito asked, pulling his yukata tighter around his frame.

“It’s not…”

“It is!” Obito cut off before Kakashi could properly point out that this wasn’t a big deal.

As lovely as Obito was, arguing against him was hopeless. Kakashi needed to change his strategy. He put his book away, leaving it to the kitchen table before standing up and walking over to his husband.

“Okay,” Kakashi said, placing his hand gently on Obito’s shoulder. “We’ll think about it tomorrow. Now, I think both of us should go back to bed,” it was the most compromising suggestion he could come up with. Obito didn’t seem too impressed about it. He rolled his eyes but at least there was a silent agreement to disagree. 

They retreated into the comfort of their bedroom, and Obito said nothing as Kakashi opened the curtains and laid down next to him. They held hands, staying like that for quite a while. It was such a soothing setting to be in. Kakashi still couldn’t believe that he was lucky enough to have this man.

“Do you believe in past lives?” Kakashi had to ask as the dim moonlight was reflected in Obito’s eyes, darkening the shadows on his face, embracing his old scars. The sight looked so familiar. Kakashi couldn’t describe it, yet the sensation was so strong.

Obito just shrugged. There was a glimmer of red in his eyes. It was probably due to the city lights.

“What’s done in this life is what counts, right?” he concluded. “And I’m wasting it on you, Bakashi,” he then accused with a serious tone but also with a peal of gentle laughter on his lips.

And what he’d just said was what mattered the most.

[ratabrasileira]

When The Mask Falls Out

OneShot

Trigger Warning: Depressive Thoughts.

Disclaimer: Characters belongs to Sarah J. Maas.

Summary: After having a nightmare, Rhysand needs to spit some things out and Feyre is there to listen to him.

It was late at night when Feyre woke up without the warm of her mate at the right side of the bed. She searched for any piece of him, but nothing was found. She didn’t get surprise for the absence of Rhysand there, after all the war that they passed, it was common to one of them, sometimes both, be awake at the nights.

The sound of the water made her open her eyes. The darkness was spreading to the room, softly as any plume. It didn’t seem angry or scared, it was tired, starless-tired.

Feyre got to her feet, following the bond to her mate. Thanks to Helion's gift, she was able to light the path to their room to the bathroom.

"Rhys?" He was lying in the bathtub, bubbles and bubbles surrounding him. The night wasn’t visible outside. They were the night.

"Sorry. I didn't want to wake you up" His countenance was so… broken.

"No, no, it’s ok.” Feyre said before sitting in the floor next to him. “What's going on?"

Rhysand didn’t answer immediately. He avoided to look at her, to look at anything.

“I dreamed with her” Feyre let him to continue. It was all about that, giving each other space.

"I..." He breathed; stopped for a second before the avalanche of feelings was spited out. "I just... I feel dirty, I'm dirty. I'm fucked up. Every day, I have to remember that it's done, we are in peace, but my brain can't realize that it's ok, so I constantly feel that something bad is going to happen and this scary me so much, Feyre."

He said with such pain that Feyre felt her throat tight and her eyes burn. She knew things weren’t all better. They had talked, a lot, mostly after Nyx’s birth. But still, she knew that Rhys was hiding his feelings; from their family, from her and even from him himself. She could feel that in the bond.

"And I screw up. I fucked up so many times with everyone, and it sucks because I just want you all safe." He kept, silver lines forming in his deep-blue eyes. "And sometimes... I'm this reality, dimension, that it's all a dream, so I have to back up to realize that it's real, it is all real and I'm not dreaming and I won't wake up by her side and pleasure her or kill for her. And every time that I remember about Under the Mountain I feel dirty, I feel… the need of clean myself because all the filth, all the blood, it just doesn’t go away. And I know, I know we have to live with it, but…"

Tears was rolling through Rhys’ cheek while he was catching his breath back. By that time, Feyre’s own cheeks were wet.

"I'm still young and scared of my powers, I'm still Under the Mountain, I'm still there when she killed you, I'm still in the war, in both wars, I'm still when... When you and Nyx..."

"I'm stil crucifying myself for what I did to you, Under the Mountain and… for hiding the pregnancy thing from you... I mean, you were right and I did that knowing how you would react and does it make me better than him?” Feyre knew exactly that him meant Tamlin. She knew he couldn’t stand to voice his name, no because of their enmity, but because what he meant for Feyre. ”I don't want to be like him, and don't want to be like my father either. I don't want you to hate me, and I know, we talked about it, but it still running in my head sometimes."

"And I'm tired. One day, I'm fine, but... Now? I'm tired of everything. 500 years being me and everything through what I passed for… It all get back in my head and I just feel overwhelmed. And it's silly, stupid, because I was supposed to live with it and I feel so weak. It wasn't to let me this way. But then, I keep thinking and thinking and it brings me to my mother and my sister and... I killed both. I can convince myself that I didn't, but I did, Feyre. I was stupid, dumb, and…”

“And I’m just tired.”

They remained in silence. There were so many words and so many more feelings. Feyre partly knew what was coming for, although she didn’t expect it to be like this.

Feyre entered in the bathtub still with her gown. Rhysand looked at her, scared, while shaking his head, but she just entered there and hugged him. Hugged him as strongly as she could while sending the starry night overcome the starless one.

"It's ok, my love." She whispered in his chest. "You can feel tired and overwhelmed once and I'll be here for you as you did for me when I felt the same. You gave so much, Rhys. So much. If things are down, I'll be here for you to handle things, ok?"

Rhysand held her tightly; his mate, his friend, his soul.

Feyre kept saying comfy things for Rhys until the true night was visible in the wide windows of the room. She was glad that he said it all: what it was still bothering him, which things would never go away. How broken they both could be, but together… Together both could repair the little pieces that belong to each other.

Because wherever and whenever they would go, they would go together.

[otterthewasted]

Healing Hearts

Feyre has opened an art exhibit to feature the artwork some of her students have been creating in the classes she teaches at her art studio. The morning after she wakes up to a surprise...

Set post-ACOFAS.

You can also read this on AOS HERE.

I hope you enjoy!

*Disclaimer - I do not take credit for the any of the characters or the world created by Sarah J. Maas.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke to the smell of bacon.

Letting out an appreciative sigh I stretched slowly and yawned before rolling onto my side to see my Mate walking into the room, carrying a breakfast tray and a grin.

“Finally, you’re awake,” he teased as I glanced out of the window at the sky and was surprised to see it was late morning.

“I didn’t think I would sleep so late,” I admitted, a little embarrassed as I sat up in bed, scooting backwards to lean against the headboard.

Rhys sat the tray on my lap once I was settled, then carefully sat at the end of the bed to face me, smiling gently.

“You were up late love, you have the right to sleep in on occasion. Besides, the gallery opening was an unmitigated success.”

I felt a blush touch my cheeks - because he was right. Upon inheriting the art studio nearly six months ago, Ressina and I had been reaching out to the community, offering lessons and space for people to express themselves, to work through their wounds with the use of art. Painting, sculpting, drawing, even weaving - whatever outlet let them process their pain and grieving and to find solace. It wasn’t just children anymore either, we had a large group of adults who joined us weekly as well.

A month or two ago I’d had an idea to exhibit some of the art, with the creator’s permission of course, and rented a gallery to do just that. We called the exhibit, Healing Hearts, and somewhat to my amazement, it seemed as though almost the entire city had turned up for opening night last night. Instead of charging a ticket price we had donation bins - clothes, money, food, whatever anyone could or felt comfortable donating to the many non-profit organizations that existed in the city. It had been an unparalleled success, and Ressina and I had been nearly overwhelmed with the number of inquiries many of the guests had towards our classes.

The event had stayed open nearly until dawn and was packed almost to the very end, and Rhysand - Rhysand had stayed at my side through all of it, beaming with pride and love at me, and with such warmth towards his people who had welcomed him with open arms. There had been healing in last night for him, who still struggled with guilt over the attack Hybern had sent to Velaris close to a year ago. When we finally made it home I hadn’t been sure I would be able to sleep, the adrenaline of such an amazing night had still been coursing through me, but almost as soon as my head touched my pillows I was out. I had been up since dawn the previous morning though, so perhaps it was understandable.

Smiling at Rhys, I picked up my cup of tea, already with a splash of milk in it - Rhys knew me so well. Taking a sip I reclined back against the headboard, “Last night was amazing - I wasn’t sure anyone would want to see the art, some of it is difficult to look at, just with all of the emotions.”

Rhys nodded, understanding, “I think… seeing that other people feel that way, that other people are hurting and healing, it gives people hope.”

My throat tightened a little at his words, but I nodded in agreement. A moment of silence passed between us, a shared feeling of hope so precious it made my heart ache.

Then Rhys suddenly grinned at me again. “Though, I’m not sure you will be getting a lot of rest today, Mate.”

I arched a brow at him, confused, and he chuckled while raising a hand and snapping his fingers. Beside me a large stack of letters appeared, the envelopes all different colors, some of them elegantly addressed, others written in what looked like crayon, but every single one of them was addressed to the High Lady. Blinking, I picked one up and opened it, pulling out a folded letter, which I opened and began to read.

-----

To the High Lady,

I had the pleasure, and the honor, of attending the gallery opening last night.

I’d heard of the classes you were offering, and didn’t think much about them. In fact they had seemed a little silly to me to be honest - perhaps a good idea for children, but not for adults. However my sister started attending a class or two of yours a few weeks prior and I thought she was foolish for doing so, but she convinced me to join her last night and see your gallery exhibit.

I… find it difficult to express properly in words what the experience was like. Beautiful. Painful. Heart breaking.

Heart healing.

I hadn’t realized how much pain I was still in over the attack on Velaris, or the war with Hybern. How deeply the loss of friends and loved ones had affected me until I saw that pain mirrored in another’s artwork.

It changed me.

Thank you for the gift you have given this city, for the kindness you are offering so freely to a people so newly your own.

Thank you,

Your’s truly,

Hyler Ryben

P.S. I look forward to attending one of your classes in the future.

-----

Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked up to meet Rhys’s gaze.

“Are they all…” I began to ask, my voice trembling.

His violet eyes were soft with kindness and love as he nodded, “All for you, just arrived this morning… and there are more arriving every hour.”

A tear escaped and rolled down my cheek, and Rhys leaned forward to wipe it away before cupping my face between both of his hands, holding my gaze.

“Feyre, you have done a very kind, wonderful, and beautiful thing. Never forget it, and never, for one second, believe that this world, that our people, that I, am not richer for what you give all of us, each and every day.”

The tears fell freely then, and Rhys released me only long enough to move the tray aside before he pulled me into his arms. His lips brushed over my forehead, across my eyelids, on the tip of my nose, and then finally my mouth, kissing me long, and deep. I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing against him, kissing him back just deeply. I wasn’t sure how it was possible, but I swore that in those moments when I was kissing Rhysand, infinity happened, all of time and space, and through every single star-flecked minute of it, I loved him. Had always loved him, would always love him, till my very last breath and beyond - and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he felt the same.

When finally we both drew back, breathing quickly, our foreheads pressed together, I could feel Rhysand smile as he said, “My beautiful Feyre…”

Sliding one hand up, I brushed my fingers over the curve of his face. “Do not think,” I said to him softly, “for one second that this world, that our people, that I, am not richer for what you give us, Rhys, for what you have sacrificed for us.”

I felt his body tense, and then felt as he let out a deep breath and tightened his arms around me, holding me closer to his body. “Thank you,” he said after a long moment.

We sat together like that for a while, holding each other close, sharing our breath, our pain, our love… our hope.

For this moment I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms.

In a little bit I would read each and every one of those letters, and respond to all of them. Tonight I would attend the exhibit again and greet all of the fae who came to see the proof that a broken heart could heal, and tomorrow I would return to the art studio with Ressina and resume teaching classes to those still in need of healing.

Right now though… right now I sat curled up in the arms of my truest love, and reveled in how he, above all things, healed me.

[claryaastark]

Would I love me?

062418

Isn’t it strange? To look at someone and see yourself. Not the virtual but the real image of you. Isn’t it strange? To see your thoughts on someone, to feel your emotions on someone, to see the things you admire on someone, to have a taste of your favorite food on someone. To have a sip of your favorite coffee on someone. To fight the ideas that you believe on someone. Isn’t it strange? To have a glimpse of your soul on someone, someone who isn’t you, and someone who is different from you.

Well, perhaps yes, perhaps no.

It was a very long and tiring day. I was on my way home, thinking about how bad I am on fixing the right format of my final thesis output. I really suck at revising. But instead of thinking about acads, I divert my attention into the bustling city. All I hear were the loud blasting sound of the vehicles, the gossip of two high school students on the right part of the bus. The gentle utterance of the woman in front who wears a red polo shirt with a coca-cola logo on the left side. And judging her looks, I think she is some sort of a saleswoman, maybe a manager? Or simply an employee as she talks to someone over the phone. Meanwhile, on the back part of my mind, it feels weird but I can also hear the clicking of coins as the bus’ conductor collected our fare. I hate being this meticulous and observer sometimes.

I almost throw myself in front as the driver stepped on the break. A hint, either someone will come down or someone will ride. And the latter thinking was right, a man on his mid-20s I guess? I looked away and focused myself on the street lights which are unsurprisingly blurred because of my myopia. Without looking, I felt that the man sat beside me, and for no apparent reason he pushed himself beside me. Wtf?

“You’re occupying too much seat and with the right comprehension, I regret to tell you that this seat is for two passenger, and YOU ARE OCCUPYING TOO MUCH.”

He repeated his first statement with diction and sarcasm.

“I’m sorry,” that’s all I said, I want to argue because of his reckless and improper behavior but I’m too tired to fight with an arrogant stranger.

But he rolled his eyes instead. And for the second time, I ignored his disrespectful behavior. It was a one hour ride to reach the street of our home. So I busied myself on scrolling the gallery of my phone.

“Are you okay?” He said out of nowhere.

“Huh? Me?” I said while pointing myself awkwardly.

“No, I am actually talking to myself” he said sarcastically and he rolled his eyes. For a man, this one is really arrogant.

“Uhh, I’m doing good I guess, and why do you asked?” I said awkwardly.

It was weird, after he freaked out because of the seat, he is now asking my current state like we were close or something? What’s with this man?

“Nothing, is it bad to ask? You should be thankful that I asked if you’re okay. You seem stressed and by looking at you, I can already tell that no one really cares for you, and everybody is ignoring you. Like you don’t belong anywhere”

And he laughed. He fucking laughed. First he mocked me, and now he is insulting me? Which I found very offensive. I’m dealing with too much stress right now, and I can’t even breathe properly because of so many reasons, and now, a stranger is insulting me like he knows what I’ve been dealing with? I felt a sudden pang on my chest. I am offended.

“Fuck-off” I said bravely, despite the fact that I nearly cried.

He was shocked, I can tell.

“Ooh. I’m sorry, I was just joking, and... I thought that it was the most unique way of telling sorry. I’m sorry for freaking out”

And that’s where we started. I do not know as well, what power of Gods and Goddesses had put us together. He was an arrogant man, disrespectful and talks a lot of offensive things, so am I. But I loved him anyway, and I admit, that I learned a lot of things from him. We were mainly pragmatic. He is no sweet, gentle and showy. But he was pure, sincere and mature.

But just like anyone else, he left. He came for no apparent reason, and he left for no apparent reason as well. Maybe, just maybe, on a scientific basis, what happened to us is repel. He is he and I am me, we are the same and attraction is really not working with us. I guess?

It was a normal Sunday afternoon. I was bored, and the only thing that gives me comfort during tedious times on this very dull life is : coffee. I made my way on the nearest coffee shop downtown.

The aroma of sweet vanilla and bitter cocoa welcomed me. The dream catcher that was hanging on the door had clicked, a signal that someone is making their way in or out. I look for my favorite spot, where I can peacefully sit and be drowned by the deafening silence. I ordered my favorite matcha coffee, and a piece of custard cake. I pulled the Young Adult novel series that I was reading since last week, I am on the third book of the series. It was Sarah J. Maas’ A Court of Wings and Ruin, and damn, I just love the character of the God-like Rhysand. Most of the time, I wished that I was like the protagonist or the fictional characters on books, and movies. Might at least get a happy ending despite of struggles. But the fuck, no matter how good you are on escaping reality through arts and fictions, at the end of the day, you will sleep and wake up on the bitter slap of reality.

I put my earphones on, browsed my phone and look for my favorite app, the spotify. I am no great person, but I can brag that I got a very good taste when it comes to music. I can enumerate a lot of artists, genres, bands, albums, and the likes all day if someone would let me to. Though I’m bad at singing, at least, I got a big contribution through appreciation. I got them all! I played Movements’ Feel Something, one on the lists of my Album of the Year. Then here we go, my kind of escaping shits in life. What a very peaceful moment for me.

I was sitting alone and peacefully for almost one hour, in fact, I was halfway on finishing my cake and coffee until I noticed a man who’s staring at me. I faked a cough and tilted my body on the other side, to at least stop him from staring at me. But ugh! I can see on my peripheral vision the he’s still looking at me.

“What are you staring at?” I put my book on the table, loud enough for him to hear.

I didn’t get a verbal response, instead, he pouted his lips, a sign that he was pointing on something. Then I waved my book upward.

“On the book?” I asked with irritation, he is damn lazy. Can’t he speak?

“Yup, I love Feyre since day 1, and I didn’t trust Tamlin since then, that psychopath-sex-addict-obsessed-and-pseudo-lordshit.” He said coldly.

Ohh. So he read Maas’ ACOTAR?! My irritation suddenly turned into amusement. I removed my earphones and smiled at him. I patted the seat next to me, inviting him so we can talk more about this series. I mean, it is odd, to find someone who reads the same goddamn book that you are reading. Reading is a cool interest after all.

He sat hesitantly. I pushed the lock button to see what time is it. It’s 4:35 in the afternoon.

“Woaaah, man?”

I was taken aback when he spoke.

“You listen to Movements?”

Then I forgot that the album is still playing on my spotify app. And I guess, he saw it on my lock screen. But wait...

“Yup, and you too?” I said with amusement on my voice.

“Yeah, damn same man! Patrick is a wholesome piece of shit!”

And we laughed. Those laughter turned into weeks, months and years. A stranger that I met unexpectedly, is now a person that I used to know. Again, someone left my life.

We had the same interest in almost everything, we attended a lot of book signing, book launch. We bought a lot of albums from our favorite bands. We attended concert, gigs. We watched countless movies, we drank a lot of coffees. We travelled places to taste various delicacies and kind of foods. We jogged at sunrise, and walk at sunset. We were happy. Or... should I say, we were almost happy?

It is weird but he was totally just like me. We share the same interests, we fight the same ideologies, we have the same belief in almost everything. But again, he came to me, without me, asking for it, and now he didn’t even give me a chance to ask again, to ask why he left. I loved him, and I guess, things won’t really work on the way that we want them to be. So is us. And it’s sad.

It’s almost the end.

The end of the semester. And after all the hardships, sleepless nights, frustrations, failures, we are finally wearing the black toga! It’s the graduation season.

“Congrats, B!”

It was Kat, one of my thesis group mates. I returned her congratulations with a nod and smile. I’m too lazy to speak, it still overwhelms me that I survived and finished College with a Latin honor. Not to brag though.

I’m so excited to share this to him. I smiled, my heart is beating fast as I make my way to our favorite spot : under the mango tree.

It was a peaceful and underrated spot. Underrated to the point that we’re the only people who knew this place. I guess not all accidents are bad, because I found this place accidentally, so is he.

I smiled as I saw him playing the guitar again. He seems too preoccupied that he didn’t notice my arrival. I pouted my lips then a silly idea entered my mind. I tiptoed carefully then I cover his eyes from behind. He stopped his fingers from moving along with the guitar strings, and I felt him smile.

“Uhm, since I don’t want to mess with your tricks, let me pretend that I didn’t know it was you. So, who’s this?”

He joked.

I kissed his cheeks from behind and whispered.

“Your future wife saw her name on the final list of graduates and guess what, a Cum Laude!”

“Wow! Congrats, B! I’m proud of you. You finally made it!”

He hugged me tight.

I opened my eyes with the bittersweet memory. It’s been a year since I graduated College, and it is the first time that I visited this place again. Still peaceful, the only different thing is that, the people who used to own this place, are now the people who used to know each other.

For the third time, someone left me again. He is one of the kindest persons that I know. He brings out the kindness in me. A responsible man, very family and school oriented. He’s the one who makes me realize the essence of being responsible. He taught me to appreciate little things, and the most important thing that he planted me is, I realized that I am not bad. That we’re like each other.

He used to sing me a lot of songs, he motivates me to always do better not just for myself but for my family. I was happy. We were happy. But I guess, happiness is not enough to bind people together. There are things that are more important than being in love.

And that’s my biggest realization.

The stories that I’ve told you is just a piece of a whole. I didn’t tell you the hardships, the pains, the sleepless nights that I experienced when they left. It was hard, to be left behind. With or without explanations, it was hard.

I started asking myself what’s wrong with me. I started doubting myself, I hated myself. And I started feeling afraid of taking risks. I began to wonder, do these wrong people deserve my time, invested feelings, and love?

I met a stranger on a bus, and I took a piece of him. I was an arrogant, sarcastic and disrespectful being sometimes, so is he. We were the same. I saw my bad sides in him. And I fell in love with those evil. I learned to accept that there is good in every wicked.

I met a stranger on a coffee shop. I took a piece of him. I saw myself in him. The things that I admire, my interests, my ideologies and all the stuff that makes me happy. He will always be my real life reflection.

I met a stranger under the mango tree. I took a piece of him. I saw my good sides in him. I was kind, compassionate and I realized that I really care for those people around me. He made me love my soft spots.

I always see myself in them. They are like a reflection of my different sides. It was bitter, that they made me doubt myself. They made me feel insecure for leaving me behind. They made me hate myself. But after all, it was all about me. Piece by piece, I assemble myself into whole.

Funny because, I just fell in love with myself. That they are just the representation of who I truly am, that they are me. I was the stranger in the bus. I was the stranger in the coffee shop. I was the stranger under the mango tree. Every piece of them is equal to the remnants of myself that I was trying to build.

If I were them, would I love me? And I got the answer, yes, because I just did. I fell in love with myself.

© to owner of the photos.

️