#but lol why take the time to declare it a dumpster fire like you Just Know

[curetapwater]

Idk who this person is, but this community post showed up on my YouTube feed and it's really really funny. (I rescinded my vote btw, I haven't played the game and was just curious what people thought and you can't see the results unless you vote).

I checked the comments and basically everyone was talking about the game either being one of the best they've played or at worst a flawed but fun time.

One person asked if OP got it on Switch, and OP said they didn't get it on anything and hadn't played it at all lmao okay then why are you bitching. They were saying stuff like "maybe I'll pirate it because Sonic Team is full of careless hacks" or something, like, it's so funny to me. For someone with a Sonic character as their pfp they seem to harbor a strange amount of hatred for something they're supposedly a fan of.

[oblivionbladetd]

The Unfortunate Implications of Pokemadhouse: The Big One.

Tldr: Lily's negligence leaves G the offender in multiple Rape Allegories. By extention, making a story about loving and forgiving a rapist.

I know for a lot of people that's already put a pit in your soul and got your guts doing flips, so if you want the proof in the year old moldy pudding, follow me under the cut.

Her insistence on calling it the "Mating Bond" really is the biggest, sturdiest nail in this particular coffin, for even for those lovey-dovey birds that do this forever mated dies without the other thing, it's still mostly a sex and survival thing. Which alone puts G in this weird place without diving deeper, It puts a connotation that G would fuck a child to not die. Which in a "gun to your head do this or something awful happens" sense? I mean, uneasy forgiveness, if any... but let's not unpack that quite yet because.

Lily was asleep... because if anything really enhances ignoring the age of consent, it's just dodging consent almost entirely. For G engages this mating bond by entering Lily's dreams and getting the consent while Lily isn't in the right state of mind. So allegorical statutory and date rape! I want to cry... how do you get this bad at blindness to your own implications? BUT HOLD ON BECAUSE IT STILL GETS WORSE!

Bonnie. As said before, she was made through sabotaged extinction prevention measures without Lily's knowledge prior to her popping into existence. At this is all I have to say is that it sure is fortunate that Lily just already had the funds to take care of a child allocated, and that Bonnie was created as a lol random but not annoying model child with zero downsides, AND is perfectly healthy despite being a Dumpster fire of genetic mixing between 2 species. Cause if that wasn't the case, then Bonnie being an allegorical rape baby would be really weird! Seriously though what the fuck, Lily?

Mix it all together with the rest of Madhouse, and we get a story where, despite numerous occasions of crossing lines both past and present, a rapist is forgiven and declared the spiritual sister of her victim! If I need to elaborate on why that's fucked dare I say it might be too late for you. To make it all worse is that Lily stands accused of having molested and raped her very own sister, Courtney. So if you believe Courtney at all, you need only shift your focus on G being the real self insert, it becomes twisted wish fulfillment, wishing that the Sister she assaulted would forgive her and become part of her life as a sister again. What makes this more insidious is that she knows that she's been breaching too far, having deleted and hastily replaced the original violate arc. Given how her real life writes a lot of the plot that isn't wordplay gags, I would be willing to take away the benefit of the doubt with it being anything other than wish fulfillment, but in the basic courtesy that I have to afford lest I become the thing I hate I will hold back from saying in a definitive way that Lily is thristy for incest.

What I will say is that the fact that this implication exists at all, in a work made by a Critic that has DAYS of content ripping into poor implications like what I have detailed today, is a legendarily bad look AT BEST. I do not expect the works of critics to be good, mind you, but that does not excuse the sheer blind incompetence on display. The absolute most charitable takeaway is that Lily has never suffered hearing herself speak or had the burden of a second thought weighing on her mind. Because if these implications are out of incompetence rather than purposeful inclusions, it speaks abyssally low of Lily's media literacy, and if it is intentional, then it's malicious if not stupid with the allegations surrounding her at time of writing.

[serpenteve]

king of scars rant 💅🏽

cw: spoilers for king of scars

Honestly, I hated this book.

The Lore

I definitely hated how this book pretty much retconned the original trilogy and made it all but pointless. So Alina had to lose her powers because there are comic limits to Grisha power but Zoya can turn into a fucking dragon and become the avatar now?

The Shadow Fold had to be destroyed because it made Ravka weak but now it's open season on Ravka without the Fold holding their enemies back and every other week, there's some new assassination attempt from Shu Han or an open declaration of war from Fjerda or blackmailing debt-collectors from Kerch? How is Ravka still functioning, honestly?

Nikolai

I'm sorry, Nikolai, but this book actually made me low-key hate you. Like, the narrative wants so badly to prove me to me that he isn't like other imperialist monarchs! He....remembers people's names and fights alongside them!!!

Another character in this book (Isaak) spends the majority of his narrative idolizing Nikolai and trying to be like him and talking about how amazing he was to his family and then when he dies........Nikolai barely even gives a fuck? I got the sense this friendship was entirely one-sided.

Also, why is this marketed as a Nikolai duology and named after him when he's barely the main character and has to share the narration with 3 other characters---one of which is literally occupying the same locations as him? 🤨

Zoya

Oof, where to even begin with this one.

Listen, I would have been 100% on board with this book being entirely focused on Zoya. She's the real protagonist in my opinion so the fact that had to share the narrative with 3 other people (including one person who doesn't even influence the main plot and another who gets discarded by the end) was really bringing down the potential of her story.

Because there wasn't enough room for her character development, everything about her arc is completely rushed. Like, she can fire-bend and bee-bend in the span of 3 hours? WELL OKAY THEN. Oh, she can just turn into a fucking dragon now because she opened some random ass door in her mind? WELL OKAY THEN.

I hate hate hate it when female characters get accused of being Mary Sues but there's something to be said when we're jumping heads and everyone is just like "Wow, Zoya is so pretty, Zoya is so badass, Zoya is so cool" while not really having any real consequences for her flaw. Like, we all know Zoya can be bitchy and mean (and we love that about her 😌) but....she pretty much gets away it with and doesn't face any backlash for it. Add this to the fact that she becomes the Grisha avatar with very little training on her part and voila. The entire world of the Grishaverse bends its rules and reality around her in typical Sue fashion.

Nina

Girl, what was even the point of your story? I kept waiting and waiting and waiting, stupidly assuming that her story would somehow merge with the main one but it never came.

We learn that things are still shit for Grisha. The Shu are kidnapping them and making them into crazy supersoldiers and Fjerda are getting them addicted to some parem variant to create their own Grisha slave army from birth?

Why on earth would being a Grisha at the Little Palace be a choice in this world? It's either you become a soldier in the Second Army or....you get a fate worse than death. Wouldn't the atrocities committed against Grisha radicalize most Grisha anyway? Like, sign me the fuck up, I want to kick some ass against people trying to literally experiment on me???

Nina's necromancer powers were pretty badass though, not gonna lie 🙌🏽

Isaak

Isaak was honestly the best part of this whole dumpster book and then he gets killed for no reason. And Nikolai doesn't even give a fuck?

Why introduce this new character if we're just going to use and discard him? I kept wondering why we were getting palace updates from a new character instead of just using Genya or Tamar's perspective.

Also, the whole thing with princess Ehri was a bit racist to me? Like we have a Chinese-coded character being a deceptive backstabber (or front-stabber in this case lol) and nearly dies while giving off some serious dragon lady vibes. I get the sense she did die in the original draft and some editor was probably like "Hmm, well maybe we shouldn't have another dead POC" so she survives. At least she didn't speak in broken English like Botkin 🤷🏽‍♀️

The (Anti) Climax

This was easily the most anti-climactic ending to a Grishaverse book I've read. It's a shame because it has all the elements that could have made it badass? Like we've got saints with god-like powers but Zoya easily defeats Elizaveta by suddenly unlocking fire-bending, bee-bending, and transforming into a fucking dragon. I just can't take it seriously.

Elizaveta herself was too easily distracted as a villain. What the hell even happens to the saints when they die in this place? Do all their miracles that affect the rest of the world just disappear? Who knows. The book ends with Fjerda declaring war and a failed assassination attempt by a Shu Han princess.

Yuri & the Darkling

And finally this brings me whatever mess is going on with Yuri and the Darkling. I get the sense Leigh was super pissed with Darkling stans and created this weird strawman with Yuri's character. Honestly, I thought he was kinda funny because I'm sure even without real-world fans simping for the Darkling, there would certainly be people in the Grishaverse who would gravitate towards the Darkling and see him as a savior of sorts, especially with the world's Grisha being arguably worse after his death and the destruction of the Fold.

What bothered me was the bizarre preachiness of the other characters. Like Yuri literally only exists so that Zoya and Nikolai can take turns being like "Actually, Yuri aka Darklina stan placeholder, the Darkling was the VILLAIN of the series and you were just too stupid to see it, etc"

...Like, girl, we know he's the villain 🤦🏽‍♀️ If we're going to create a character just to preach to Darkling stans, then why does the entire plot revolve around trying to bring him back into the story? It's like Leigh has a weird love-hate relationship with the Darkling. She hates him and she hates his fan club but she still needs him because otherwise there's no magical plot conflict.

Fridge Logic

If there is no limit to Grisha power and you can just take however much you want from the heart at the making of the world, why the hell did Alina get punished for the amplifier nonsense in the original trilogy?

If the saint's powers are limited to the edges of the Fold, how are they able to manipulate stuff outside of it?

Juris claims when you properly possess an amplifier, you become a living amplifier in return. So is how the Darkling and Baghra became living amplifiers? Or is that just still some unexplained merzost nonsense from Illya Morozova?

What the hell even considered merzost now with all this retcon?

If the Darkling can possess Yuri and magically transform his features to be his own, then why did he need his own body?

And if he can change people's features by possessing them, why did Nikolai get to keep his?

Why did the obisbaya ritual fail in the first place?

Prose

The only positive is that the prose is like a million times better than the original trilogy, but considering how terrible the original is, I suppose that's not really saying much.

[breanime]

Also 178. “Don’t do it. If you attack now, then I won’t be able to keep you safe.” 184. “We’ll lose.” - “Then we’ll do that together too.” Sirius & James playing an online video game??

(I don’t know why they’re both smoking in these gifs lol)

You regretted introducing the boys to Muggle video games. But their current games almost always left the house a mess, and while living with James and Sirius was fun, you didn’t quite fancy coming home to a place that looked like a hurricane had hit it.

So you showed them online games, allowing them to let out their energy in a way that didn’t lead to your home being a mess.

Except your boys could never do anything lowkey.

“Don’t do it,” Sirius was standing on the couch, a headset wrapped around his head and his controller in his hands, “If you attack now, then I won’t be able to keep you safe.” 

“I have to, love! It’s the only way to get out of this tight corner!” James replied. He was on the floor, his headset was on backwards from when he’d gotten mad and thrown it off before you (with a sigh and a placating kiss to the top of his head) retrieved it for him. There were clothes, water bottles, and food all over the living room that neither of them were in any rush to fix. “Sweetheart,” he called for you, leaning back a bit to regard you, “could you bring me something to eat?”

“Have you cleaned the living room yet?” You drawled back from behind him, clearly seeing that he had not.

“We will after this, baby,” Sirius promised, “We’re about to win!”

“I’m bored!” You huffed. “You’ve been playing this damn game for days. Pay attention to me!”

“We will,” Sirius said, not looking at you as he continued clicking buttons, “After this game, baby, we promise!”

“Sweetie, please, I’m so hungry!” James whined.

Huffing, you turned and stomped to the kitchen, not hearing the conversation they had once you left.

“We really should give this a break,” Sirius said, looking at the doorway you’d just exited from, “We haven’t been very attentive to her the past few days.”

“True…” James said, lowering his controller on his lap. “When was the last time we even kissed her?”

Sirius shook his head, frowning. “It’s been a while,” he confessed, “I know what we need to do.”

“What?”

“We need to take a break from the game,” he said back, “Both of us.”

“Okay,” James agreed easily, “turn it off.”

“No, no,” Sirius grinned, “Turning it off isn’t big enough of a gesture.” He tapped his foot, thinking about what they could do before snapping his fingers. “I know what we’ll do—I need you to stay in that corner, love.”

“But we’ll lose,” James said.

“We will,” Sirius nodded, “and then we’ll clean up the living room and take our sweet girl to bed.”

“And then?” James asked, completely over the game now. “Will we get her naked and smiling? With kisses and cuddles and that little laugh she does when we flip her around all over the place?”

Sirius smirked. “Is that what you want, love?”

James nodded eagerly.

“Then we’ll do that together too,” Sirius agreed. He looked up, hearing you coming back, and then turned to James. “Come on, baby, let’s lose.”

You came in to see the screen with huge red letters on it, declaring both players dead, and you turned to the boys with a confused look on your face. The last few times they’d lost, both of them had made a huge show of being upset—your little drama kings��and the living room furniture had been thrown all over the place. Now, as you stood with a tray of food for both of them, James and Sirius were moving around the living room, tidying up, completely fine with their having lost the game.

“Um… Guys?” You asked, staring over at them. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine!” James answered cheerfully. “Why don’t you have a seat, darling? We should be done with this soon.”

“Oh, wait,” Sirius had been cleaning up the garbage around the couch when he stopped and hopped over to you, “Let me do this first.” He came up to you and planted a kiss to your lips, holding you close.

“Oh, yeah, me too!” James abandoned his spot rearranging the furniture back to its rightful place to come over and kiss you. “I’m sorry for ignoring you, babe.”

“Me too,” Sirius said, kissing the side of your face.

“Pads and I are gonna clean up and then we’re gonna take you upstairs—”

“—after showering,” Sirius amended, making a face as he sniffed James.

You laughed, plopping down on a chair and snacking as you watched your boys cleaning up, eager for them to be done so you could get to the good part.

Maybe these video games weren’t as bad as you thought after all.

*******************************************************************************************

Thanks for reading!

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[saltyandsassynomad]

As far as my sexuality is concerned, I’ve never felt the need to make a big declarative speech.  I simply lived my life how I wanted to and didn’t give two shits about what others thought.  I’d always said “straight people don’t make a speech about being straight.  Why should people who aren’t straight make one?”  (Granted this was made easier by the lack of family in my life but that’s a whole other season of “What Dumpster Fire Do You Call A Family?”)

I am a middle-aged woman (a lady never reveals her age “winky face”) and when I was coming of age we didn’t have all the terms that are now available to describe the various orientations that make up the beautiful rainbow of life.  I knew of the big 3: heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual.  I had a tumultuous childhood/upbringing (yet another season of “WDFDYCAF?”) and thinking about my sexuality wasn’t really a priority; not that I felt stifled or scared to talk about it; I was simply dealing with much larger issues at the time.  Tune in next season on “WDFDYCAF?” and you’ll find out.  I lost my virginity to a male and primarily dated & hooked-up with guys but there was always the attraction to females as well.  Therefore, I identified as bisexual.  

While I identified as bisexual, I had never imagined myself married to a woman, just a man (of course with a girlfriend on the side “winky face”).  I’m not sure why I felt that way; maybe it was because there wasn’t a strong presence of anything else readily available.  But this never fully satisfied my soul.  It always felt like work, something that needed to be done, not something that was enjoyed.  First I would say it was because I hadn’t met the right guy so I kept searching and searching and marrying and divorcing (you can find out more about that shit show on “WTF Did I Just Do?”) and searching and dating and searching and searching (remember I’m a middle-aged woman so that’s a LOT of searching).  

Maybe it was because all good things take work, right?  I mean that’s what all the pillows on Etsy say don’t they?  Maybe I needed to work harder at making relationships work (this is where the disastrous marriage came into play).  

When that didn’t work, I thought I might need to direct that hard-working attitude towards myself.  Given the family I was born into and the upbringing I had, I have a tons of trauma to work out and a fuck-ton of baggage to unpack.  This is a work-in-progress.  I am a work-in-progress #UnderConstruction 

Not wanting to deny the feminie aspect of my sexual attractions, I started to learn about open relationships and polyamory.  I enjoy the fluidity and openness of an honest ployamorous relationship.  I’ve found them to be much more in touch with their feelings, more open to listening about others feelings, and easier to be myself around.

Unfortunately there are MANY toxic and unhealthy relationships out there, including in the polyamorous communities.  I could write a book on this chaos but I’ll save that for another day.  While I did my best to distance myself from those relationships, I did encounter them and it was enough for me to realize that this wasn’t a lifestyle for me.  I want to be someone’s number one, someone’s one and only.  Those feelings are the opposite of polyamory.  I’m glad I had a chance to explore polyamory but I can definitely say it was a phase (in the cliched sense of any sexual choice we make is a “phase”).  

Once I realized my desire to number 1, I stopped having casual sex, I became celibate by choice.  Not because I am opposed to it but because I’m tired of meaningless encounters.  I want to make love to someone not just have sex with them.  I want the connection, the intimacy, the closeness and that’s not usually found in a one-night stand.  I’m currently at 4 years, 7 months, and 13 days sexually sober.  

Don’t get it twisted...I haven’t had sex with anyone ELSE in that time.  With myself?  Now that’s an entirely different story #SelfLove #GetYouSome

Then in March of 2020 COVID-19 hit & threw us all for a loop.  We all found ourselves stuck at home, quarantining with nothing to do (remember back in the beginning when stores were running out of TP and we even had problems getting things delivered? Oh, the good ol’ days, lol).  Most of us turned to social media to fill our time.  Being ‘old school’ I usually turned to Facebook.  Tired of all the drama that fills up the newsfeeds, I usually went straight to the video section and started scrolling.  I could get lost there for hours on end.  

Getting bored with seeing the same old things time after time, I took someone’s suggestion and looked into TikTok.  I was hooked instantly!  It was basically all the videos that I was watching on FB but shorter and more entertaining.  This is how I began to fill my socially distanced life.  I found videos about cooking, animals, crafts, and more.  They were sarcastic, funny, sentimental, weird, goofy, everything that I find enjoyable.  

Then came the ‘thirst traps’ and damn were they delicious!  I had no idea what a thirst trap was but I knew I liked them.  After a quick Google search I found my explanation and went right back to the Tok.  

As we all know, the algorithm will feed you more and more of what you like.  It took a little while for it to kick out the male thirst traps and replace them with the female ones and down the rabbit hole I went.  The further I went, the more content I felt I connected with (crafty algorithm).  The more I connected, the more my mind wandered (ADD - it does this often “shoulder shrug”).  Then one afternoon while doing dishes something clicked in my head.  All the sudden I had this thought of sitting on the couch watching TV with my WIFE sitting next to me, not a girlfriend, not someone I was fooling around with casually, not even someone that was a friend but we hooked up occasionally.  Nope.  I imagined my wife!  That was the first time in all my years (still not telling you my age “smirk”) that I ever thought of myself married to a woman.  The sense of ease, peace, and comfort I felt in that moment was like none other.  It didn’t seem like work.  It seemed like home.  

For the first time in my life I felt like I was home.  

You have NO IDEA what that means to me.  I am a middle aged woman without a home.  I’m a rootless nomad.  To feel at home...I...well...it left me, the Loquacious Lady, at a loss for words.  From that moment on I knew I wasn’t pansexual, bisexual, into polyamory, or anti-marriage...I was simply hardcore lesbian who never realized it.  

So there you have it Tumblr: My Coming Out Speech, something I never, ever thought I’d make.  Having no family (toxicity) and no real life friends to share this with (mental health has thrown me for a loop), I am telling you, the anonymous void, that I am a lesbian. 

Happy Taco Tuesday!

LMFAO...I’ve always loved tacos and this day has a whole new meaning now!  OMG, I’m dying!  

That is all.

Cheers!

[broke-n-ails]

Tonights Nail adventures

hey people reading this just two quick house keeping things. One yes I do try and sometimes succeed at much more elaborate nail art than what I’ve been posting about. I just for some reason was an idiot who decided to start a nail art blog during the fucking busiest week of her life and so haven't had the time to do more detailed and intricate designs but I promise I will so hangnail in there (get it? hang, hangnail, get it? [lol cece your so clever in these blog posts look at you using fucking square brackets to talk to yourself about pointing out the worst pun in the history of mankind, like really what the fuck]). yeah and thats the other thing is I’m hella tired writing this and when I’m this tired I tend to get more sweary (is that a word) and more wonky. So if this post seems like a train wreck thats cause it is. But now onto our epic quest:

Todays Post will be presented in 3 parts:

what my nails look like 

what my friends nails look like

and how to file a particularly bendy nail

PART ONE: MY NAILS

so like I said my life is pretty busy so this is a simple, elegant yet still fun look. like you wanna walk into a room and be like “Fuck yeah bitches not only am I slaying in the club but I be slaying in the boardroom watching your broke ass declare bankruptcy”

so this look is pretty easy to do and I think y’all are smart enough to know how to paint one coat on top of the other so I’m just gonna say what i used and remind you to be safe by putting white glue on your naked nail and letting it dry for 15 minutes, and that why you can peel it off whenever you want and not have to worry about anything you don't want sticking around (yes that was an extended metaphor comparing glue to condoms, yes I know it sucked [more liked sucked dick! {I’m sorry I’m to tired to exist right now}])

what I used (in order)

Color Club: Jewel of a girl (apply two coats [also this is duo chrome and goes from brown to red and its fucking awesome)

Salon Perfect (the polish doesn't have a name but its a holo top coat)

Sinful Shine: Step Two top coat (I actually have no fucking idea what step one is or what it does, does anyone know? can someone tell me?)

and thats how you do some boss ass bitch nails with a hint of BAM as well.

up next: My frIend @iaminthefire‘s nails

So there are a little more funky than mine were and I think they say “I look like a manic pixie dream girl but if you look closer I’m all deep and philosophic and shit” in other word if you were to try and put a John Green character on your nails you’d probably get this. 

now none of you are idiots cause only idiots wouldn't follow this blog (see look at me validating and engaging with my followers, all two of them [what I’m saying is both y’all better feel fucking special as shit cause your the only two smart people in the fucking world]) so Im just going to be listing the products I used to create this 

what I used in order 

Color Club: Jewel of a girl (apply two coats)

Color Club: Sidewalk Psychic (one THIN coat)

Salon Perfect (the polish doesn't have a name but its a holo top coat)

Sinful Shine: Step Two top coat

and now for the final act in what has been this fucking disaster of a post 

Filing a flexible as fuck nail

now you might be asking “but brok(E)nail why do you have one nail that is bendier than all the rest?” to which I say “cause girl I like to pop the shit out of my zits and thats the nail I do it with so it flexes a lot and is just weaker in general” so now that we’ve got passed that lets move onto the conundrum of the night shall we?

So I’m not sure if I mentioned this before (and you bet your ass I’m to lazy to check if I have) but I use a metal nail file from a swiss army knife as my one and only nail file. Now seeing as its fucking mental and attached to like 500 other weird ass screwdriver bits and shit you can bet is gonna weigh a little more the a fucking normie nail file (yes I used the word normie, sue me). The problem occurred however when every time I attempted to sharpen this particular nail it would bend under the weight making it both dangerous and difficult to file. But i had to file it cause the bitch was loooooonnnggggg as hell so my solution to this was to apply a fake nail onto of the existing nail to give it extra support and then file both the fake and real nail at the same time. Once you have the shape you desire you can take the fake nail off and continue to beautify you’re fingers  (*appaulse* yes I know I’m a genius thank you)

so yeah this has been a dumpster fire of a post, I would give you a prize for making it to the end but I can’t think out what i’d give you (how about one atom that makes up a time part of my nail?)

I need sleep. BYE