#but literally people go shrieking mad in the tag before every episode and i think the cr crew is honor-bound to fuck with them

[utilitycaster]

Ok but for real I think Max should start tweeting that before each episode on the grounds that he can't really miss any episodes of Critical Role, as it is his job, and see how long it takes people to catch on

[wearetakingthehobbitstogallifrey]

Gotham 4x12 (*shrieks* SPOILERS)

Before we begin can I just say that Bruce better shape the heck up by the end of this episode and apologize to Alfred. And Harvey and Jim better make up

-Jim goes into a "respectable establishment" and I keep missing the name of the guy he is looking for because I keep getting distracted by his rough voice

-Oh Waaaait he was looking for Harvey :( he misses his brother :(

-aaah the birth of Poison Ivy. Tag yourself I am both the guy who says what the and the girl who is like DON'T TOUCH IT YOU FOOL

-NOOOO Alfred is haunting a diner because he has nowhere to go because my poor stupid lost son Bruce kicked him out

-sidenote: as cool as Jim's voice is, Alfred's voice is 10000000 times cooler

-uh oh these fools are gonna pick on Alfred. They are sooo going to regret that

-Lee being a leader and telling the people of the Narrows that they need to band together is da best and

-I like Ivy's voice too...OMG she just turned a guy into mOSS

-ALFRED SCHOOLING THE THUGS IN BRITISH LITERATURE IS EVERYTHING BUT THEN

"Wallet, watch, jewelry"

"Absolutely NOT. I mean, you're a big man, but you're out of shape. And what, you're three beers in already?" BAHAHAHAHA THEN HE JUST DESTROYS HIM

-the other guys are lucky that Jim shows up before Alfred can rearrange their faces too

-AAAAAH NOO THE LOOK ON ALFRED,S FACE WHEN JIM ASKS IF BRUCE IS WITH HIM :( he is upset and almost ashamed looking (maybe for Bruce? Or for himself because he wasn't able to father/guide/guard Bruce like he wanted to? UGH

-Alfred trying to be like yeah it's not such a terrible place to live, rent is cheap, and Jim's face and inflection of one in "You live here?" It's just like wtf happened when I was busy being hoodwinked by Sofia?!

-Ed being super impressed by Lee is my favorite thing look at his smile

-BOMB

-OMG WAIT WE HADN'T EVEN REACHED THE TITLE CARD YET THIS EPISODE IS GONNA BE LIT

-Lucius Fox is super brilliant I love him

-Jim is worried about whatever the heck is going on with the Alfred and Bruce situation and he promises to call Alfred and gives him a pat on the back and it just kills me because look Alfred is a bit of a recluse and for the past few years has lived almost solely for Bruce Wayne and like does he have any friends really? He has nowhere to go and no one to talk to :( please remember to call him, Jim

-LOOK I KNOW IT WON'T FREAKING LAST BECAUSE GOTHAM HATES LETTING US HAVE NICE THINGS BUT I LOVE ED SUPPORTING LEE AND I LOVE HIM PACING THE FLOOR FURIOUS THAT SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL HER (

-MY NAME IS BUTCH. BUTCH GILZEAN. OOPS

-omg Alfred is now the hero of the Narrows diner lol getting free drinks and the guy who just tried to mug him is like MAD RESPECT dude like you ran into a burning building to save people you ROCK and Alfred is like ?? ? Right, um, friends?? Aww and shares a drink with him

-Alfred then notices the waitress has a bruise on the side of her head. That she lies about. Someone is going down later, I can sense it

-lol Lucius and Jim on the case

L: you got a hunch

J: no, just a bad feeling

*creepy toy moves and makes a noise*

J: of course I'd happily be wrong

L, in a tone of the utmost disgust: who buys these things

-LUCIUS IS SO dONE WITH ALMOST GETTING MURDERED BY TOYS

-young guy: I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT MY FATHER WAS DOING

Jim, in THE flattest voice imaginable: there's a machine gun built into the wooden hand of this nutcracker here. Excuse me if I find that hard to believe

-ivy waking up in a new body with new powers and the first thing she does is find a sparkly dress and open a pint of ice cream nice

-uh-oh, wayne enterprises had a gas leak, betcha Ivy's gonna go after the company later!

-after she goes a after the sirens?! Wait does she hate all of them or does she remember that Selina is her friend?

-this girl is in love with Alfred's accent and I'm like SAME

-also I can promise you that Alfred is fixing to beat up the girl's abuser just watch

-EXCUSE YOU GOTHAM HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME CRY OVER ALFRED'S FRIENDSHIP WITH AND LOYALTY TO THOMAS WAYNE UGH MY HEART I NEED 575498 FANFICS ABOUT THIS AND I ALSO NEED BRUCE TO SHAPE THE HECK UP AND SEE EXACTLY HOW MUCH HE HAS HURT ALFRED AND HOW HIS DAD WOULD BE DISAPPOINTED IN HIM FOR THIS NOT FOR THE OTHER STUFF AND WHYYYY I CAN'T THE FEELS

-UGH HE TRIED ALFRED TRIED :(

-Lucius, sees poison ivy flourishing in a dead man's body: fASCINATING

Me: ... ... ..Gotham is a strange place with strange people

-OMG BRUCE IS BEING A COMPLETE IDIOT AND SELINA IS LIKE WHAT THE HELL. WHAT THE ACTUAL F. BRUCE WHAT ARE YOU DOING UGH

SHE SEES HIM AND SHE KNOWS HIM AND SHE KNOWS THIS IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF THE TYPE OF PERSON HE IS IN HIS HEART AND SOUL I HOPE SHE CALLS HIM OUT EVERY DAY TILL HE WAKES UP

-I can't stand drunk stupid Bruce who seems to think acting like a fool is gonna make him forget all the terrible things that have happened to him. I feel bad for him but good gravy son this cannot stand. At the same time I can see how this idiot playboy period of his life will ruin any conception people (maybe especially Jim) have of him as an intelligent, competent, intense young man who they might suspect of being the Batman

-Jim goes to Barbara for info, because that always turns out well

-OMG OMG OMG THAT ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND FRAMED ALFRED FOR MURDER WHAAAT HE KILLED HIS GIRLFRIEND AND THEN FRAMED ALFRED NOOO AND THE GIRL WAS SO SWEET OH MAN ALFRED IS GONNA BE DESTROYED OH GOSH HE JUST WANTED TO HELP

-IF JIM THINKS FOR ONE SECOND THAT ALFRED ACTUALLY DID THIS I'LL PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE

-I AM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW

-OKAY I THINK JIM IS GONNA TRY TO HELP HIM

-WAIT ALFRED JUST PEACED OUT THE HECK IF THEY WERE GONNA TAKE HIM TO THE STATION ON SUSPICION OF MURDER WHY WEREN'T THEY GUARDING HIM. WHY DIDN'T THEY PUT HIM IN HANDCUFFS. IDIOTS

-aww Butch still loves Tabby

-BAHAHAHAHA I'M CRYING ED IS NOW LEE'S HYPE MAN MAKES UP INTRODUCTORY RIDDLES FOR HER LOL

-JIM'S FACE WHEN HE SEES THAT LEE IS THE DOC

-LOL ED CREEPS UP ON JIM AND STARTLES THE HECK OUT OF HIM

Jim: I should bust you right now

Ed: yeah yeah whatevs look your ex is awesome and I'm on her side now surprise

Jim: someone hired krank the toymaker to kill her

Ed: Krank? That is sooo Gotham

BAHAHAHAHAHA

-I love Jim and I love Lee and the angst between them now hurts so bad but...I don't see them getting back together and marrying...because Jim can be a knucklehead and Lee doesn't have patience for that. UGH WHYYY. maybe it will be this bittersweet thing where they will always be good friends and remember what might have been...or years and years and years down the road they might marry...but not now :(

-lol Ed in the background like um guys I am standing right here? Maybe don't talk about me like I'm in another room? Lol

-btw what is up with Ed's hair xD

-waaaaaait a second....

-OMG ALFRED IS GONNA MURDER THE KILLER BOYFRIEND OH NO HE IS OUTNUMBERED

-HELL YES!!! HARVEY TO THE RESCUE!!!!!!!! SORRY IT TOOK HIM SO LONG HE WAS IN THE JOHN

-Harvey: I love bar-tending, it involves two of my favorite things--drinking and ignoring people

HARVEY THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS

-BLESS YOU THOUGH HARVEY I LOVE YOU THABKS FOR SAVING ALFRED'S BACON

-OH GEE IVY IS SUPER DANGEROUS NOW AND SUPER CRAZY

-OH BOY OH MAN OH GOSH YUP ED'S ALTER EGO THE RIDDLER HIRED THE GUY TO KILL LEE I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN

-JIM SHOWS UP TO SAVE ED BUT ED'S A STRESSED MESS AND HONESTLY THE WHOLE LONE WOLF THING SOUNDS DUMB AND JIM IS LIKE HUH YOU SURE ABOUT THAT

-OF ALL THE BEER HALLS IN THE CITY, HUH? (I love Harvey so much) aww he is drinking to the lady with Alfred my heart

-NOOOOOOOOO JIM AND HARVEY NOOO

Jim: I've missed you

Harvey: well I haven't missed you. Haven't missed begging you not to do something just to watch you go ahead and do it anyway. Haven't missed watching you bang Falcone's daughter while she uses you to get rid of Penguin

Alfred: *shifting in his seat* THIS IS SO AWKWARD

-UGH HARVEY IS LIKE YOU DON'T WANT ME AS A COP YOU WANT SOMEONE TO CONFESS TO YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR PRIEST

AND JIM IS LIKE...HOW ABOUT ALL THOSE THINGS AND A FRIEND *HANGS HEAD IN SADNESS*

ALFRED CONTINUES TO DRINK AND WISH HE WAS ANYWHERE ELSE

LOOK THERE IS ANGST AND THERE IS ANGST AND I AM DONE WITH SOME OF THEM GIMME THE HARVEY/JIM BROTP BACK I MISS MY BROTHER COPS

-IN CONCLUSION ALFRED AND BRUCE ARE STILL ON THE OUTS AND SO ARE JIM AND HARVEY EVERYTHING HURTS

[hoedameron]

big night for television because i not only watched my two szn faves pero i found another show to watch. here is a little rundown that no one cares to read but i wanna talk about them bc the online community is super small and there aren’t any cool bitches </3

spoilers!! //

ncis szn 18 premiere: i think it’s so mf sexy that the showrunners/writers didn’t write in about the pandemic like...it was such a relief. this is already traumatic to continue to experience but my gosh, very appreciative for those who are actually on the frontlines and just don’t want that reminder. ANYWAYS! that fucking beginning got me standing up and shrieking i was like NO WAY did gibbs try to shoot down mcgee ain’t no WAY !! i demand mf ANSWERS like how COME he is chasing that plane, why is mcgee alone, why is gibbs on the mf ROOF with a SNIPER RIFLE?? also that shit with fornell...like KINGS if this show wasn’t homophobic, those two would make a really great couple love wins <3 but also, their friendship is incredibly special and i like that aspect more than a romantic relationship between the two. they’re always getting into some shit and it’s like jaksdjslka. oh, jimmy :(( almost getting hurt :(( that’s my mans y’all why would u wanna hurt him :(( him with those rolled up sleeves though 🤤😏 bishop and torres being the duo that they are...wish to see them again. the plot was pretty okay like it wasn’t thrilling and it was kinda like oh man, this shit wild fr...solid start! can’t wait for what they cooked up for the rest of the szn. ALSO!! next week is the 400th (FOUR HUNDREDTH!!) episode and it looks so scrumptious we get young gibbs and young ducky let’s fucking GOOOOOO

fbi szn 3 premiere: okay let’s just take a moment of silence for our lost comrades kristen and special agent emily WE POUR ONE OUT FOR Y’ALL :// this shit had me on the edge of my seat bitch!! i missed this show like yeah it kinda put me in a sad mood knowing that we lost a series regular so suddenly (and i still don’t know why...there are no articles out) but this shit was culturally relevant. it did touch on the pandemic with face masks but i think some of the scenes were shot before the pandemic so there was like...some hella inconsistencies. HOWEVER! i am willing to gloss over that shit when there is some ajskdjskal shit happening on the screen. never disappointed in the writers to deliver some poignant shit like in the beginning where the dude said that all white people are racists, including him and her (her being the other character in the scene) and the way she reacted was so funny like YES BITCH YOU TOO “GOOD WHITE GIRL”. and that new character nestor? is he staying on for the rest of the season because.....🤤😏 maggie, if you ain’t claiming him i will take both him and oa in one swoop <33 ANYWAYS, that shit with oa and his informant....that shit hurted 😔 can’t believe these mfers were about to snpe his ass and for what -_- also the music never ceases to make me bounce in my seat like YEEHAW!! the maggie snippet of why she wasn’t happy about the “success” of her undercover work before coming back to the fbi....MAN, okay more shit hurt damn bitch!! also the new girl (forgot her name lol) that is scola’s (barely remembered this guy’s name lol) partner now, she so bad like she seems like a fun character we will see how she fairs. and scola, my mans....looking fine as always <33 jubal.....scrumptious and showing up that whole command center and for what! love him. fbi always has a fire season so i can’t wait to watch :)

big sky series premiere: YES, SUE ME, I WATCHED IT!! it was advertised all over twitter and my dad and i saw some ads for weeks so we were like okay, let’s give it a chance...and it is actually REALLY fucking good. predominately white cast pero whatever ig...annoying because we only have one black woman in the cast and that is IT for people of color....crickets. anyways, the plot is interesting and it may be typical: a trucker in his late 30s who still lives with his overbearing mom gets sick and tired of her snide remarks that are supposed to be “out of love” and starts kidnapping people...possibly even killing them. the twist is that, well, he has a state trooper covering for his eyes and HE LITERALLY KILLED SOMEBODY BECAUSE THE KIDNAPPER (forgot his name lol) WAS GETTING “SLOPPY”. back to the other characters, we got cassie and jennie/jenny (idk which spelling it is) who are kinda in a fight bc cassie slept with jenny’s husband who are separated but the miscommunication led jenny to get big mad when she found out cassie slept with cody (husband). now they’re gonna have to work together (they’re all private detectives/investigators) despite this to find the girlfriend of jenny’s son who went missing when she was on a roadtrip with her sister to meet with her son. ANYWAYS yeah it sounds a bit boring BUT that cliffhanger made me stand the FUCK up like AHHHHHHH!! this season looks fire and i am willing to give it a shot :) i actually thought that big sky was more about the supernatural but it’s just some white guy abducting women so what’s new

and that does it! tuesdays are for da copaganda :3c taking three hours out of my day of being a police and prison abolitionist to watch ncis, fbi, and big sky 😼 and that is like the only day besides sunday (SUNDAYS ARE FOR DA NCIS NOLA BEST NCIS) so like...i really don’t watch anything on streaming for some odd reason. like, give me a television show on the tv where i gotta wait every week for an episode with commercials and i am THERE but give me a streaming show with zero commercials and i’m like 😐 wonder if there is any content for these...don’t mind me gonna go in da tags 🤠