#but literally like two hours later has gotta be a record haha

[soubiapologist]

sorry i'm like really tired cuz i haven't slept in like a day but i was scrolling my dash and saw my pic of soubi and got excited because i didn't realize it was mine and i was like OMG PRETTY SOUBI??!

[mag7dumbies]

Magnificent Seven (1960) warning heavy spoilers ahead

Okay, compadres you ready? I’m leaving a few things out cause some of it just doesn’t make sense but for the most part, I didn’t leave anything out so that means there is a lot of cursing so be prepared for that

(Okay I got cookies, plans to make popcorn later and the Seven stupidest men ever about to come on my screen yeehaw mfs)

(This theme song is a bop, Elmer Bernstein is a genius)

Huh wonder who’s the bad guy, can’t be the dude in red (haha jk he’s an ass)

“I’ll be back” (what is he the Terminator)

“Stupid” well yeah the guy running at you with a machete (?) wasn’t the smartest but you didn’t have to kill him

I actually love how everyone is wearing white (like yeah I know white doesn’t absorb sun well so that’s why) it just makes everything really picturesque and almost heavenly you know

All these guys have fantastic ideas about how to take care of the problem and the head honcho is like ‘really tricking the man who just shot one of our own is not going to work don’t be stupid’

“Let's go ask the old man” we about to get Godfather in this bitch

(It was a machete hell yeah I knew it)

“Buy guns?” “Go to the border guns are plentiful there” Dude that hurts but it’s very very true

(There are so many parallels to the pilot I love it)

We getting racist in this bitch and in rides, Chris like the suicidal idiot he is and Vin is just like I’ll help you go bury an Indian who deserves proper respects like the man we know and love (ugh love this)

Literally used his boot to light a match, Chris stop being extra

And the whole town is following them like it’s the best thing to happen since… I don’t know a herd of cows came through town… (Man aren’t we lucky for the internet)

Love how the second Vin hears a slur Chris is like hold your horses buckaroo it’s just the wind (cause apparently the wind is racist all of a sudden)

Who is this person following them like a puppy (Jd anyone, although I know that’s not his name in the movie but he sure is acting like it)

Well, the graveyard scene left two people bleeding and no other corpses than the one they started with. Larabee, Tanner, and Jackson should take notes

“We think you’re a man we can trust” Bitch I wouldn’t trust Chris as far as I can throw him (I love him but the boy doesn’t have a great track record)

What’s with the fuchsia bag did they even have fuchsia back then? (Apparently fuchsia came to America in 1892 so I don’t know)

“Every man wears a gun” “Sure, like wearing pants, its expected” good lord Chris

What kind of clapping game is this

I really don’t understand Craps 

These guys are just mocking Vin about going to work at a grocery store and I’m living for it

And Chris you got three including yourself, Harry and Vin learn to count idiot

Those two just get off their horses with such grace I could watch that 100 times and still be entranced  

“I heard you’re broke” “Nah I’m doing this because I’m an eccentric millionaire” (Good lord O’Reilly, he is now a new fave of mine)

What the fuck is up with Chris’s hips like why is he swaggering like some hotshot

And if O’Reilly is so expensive what the fuck did he do with the money to make him end up dirt poor and cutting wood

Britt has the longest, lankiest legs I have seen on a man in a very long time

What game were they playing bullets are expensive stop messing around

Oh no the kid’s drunk and mad wonder what the hell he’s gonna do (probably something stupid)

This bitch with his wacky accent I can’t take him seriously, he just needs to chill

Okay I didn’t mean for you to collapse

Chris just fucking left him on the floor good lord

Okay everyone needs to dial the sass from 150 to a nice steady 50 cause damn

The kid is so so stupid, and Harry is just as worried about him as Buck was it's sweet

“What a chucklehead” (good lord I feel that)

Wtf the kid just caught a fish with his bare hands (that might take him out of the running for being Jd who couldn’t catch a fish even if it was handed to him)

Okay the TV show is just full of idiots, the movie makes them out to be brilliant assholes and I don’t know which one I prefer

Okay who names their child Hilario like that just isn’t right (like it’s fine but it’s too close to hilarious for me to take it seriously)

The kid is such a fucking ass, can someone shoot him for me like fuck

(Guys just to keep you in the loop I’m not even an hour in)

Look its Lanky legs Mcgee (aka Britta filter aka Britt)

The kid needs a baby sitter

Surprise surprise the kid did something stupid, (no really I’m shocked, not)

Kid, don’t do it I know it’s a bull and bulls are cool but don’t be fucking stupid playing bullfighter

Kid, she did not try to take your eye out she just slapped you (well deserved I might add) and what do you mean you’ll bite back what are you doing

WTF KIDDO WILL YOU QUIT AND DRINK SOME RESPECTING WOMEN JUICE

She’s wearing pants- is that accurate

Vin is sipping that juice like a good boy 

The boys are so sweet and it makes me emotional

The old guy is gonna die isn’t he

Here we go ya’ll it’s about to get serious 

Seriously don’t throw a hissy fit cause Chris tells you to go away

Love that the guns seem authentic (makes me happy)

(Plus the horse actors are doing fantastic the trainers should be proud)

Kid what are you doing, that’s a good way to accidentally step on your hat

Oh fuck here we go again

Chico is literally going to get shot if he isn’t careful (Chico is the kid btw)

Oh God I love these kids “if you get killed we’ll avenge you and put fresh flowers on your grave” plus they drew straws (how is that not just the best thing you’ve ever heard)

Chico, the girl obviously likes you (don’t know why, you’re an idiot, but extremely cute just saying)

(I fucking HATE the new hat it fills me with rage)

Wait a diddly darn minute did Chico just infiltrate the gang with that stupid hat

Awww my poor boy nightmares are the worst

O’Reilly is such a Dad and I love him

Harry will you quit before Chris kills you or I do it myself

This better be the last time cause lord I just wanna see him dead

Chris looks like he’s gonna whack a bitch when Calvera says he’ll give him a pardon

Oh no Chico is gonna do something idiotic- thank god Chris is there

O’Reilly is adorable- and has some goddamn sense and is willing to use violence (spanking of minors which I don’t exactly approve of) to show that being a gunhand is coward’s work

 “In Texas, only Texans can rob banks” wow did he just call our government and the whole state of Texas racist (yes I think he did)

Chico has some issues that he needs to see a therapist for (guess Chris will do though he needs about as much counseling)

By the way, Lee is the future Judge Travis if you guys didn’t know (Thank you Amazon- you might be all kinds of crap but hey at least you are informative) 

Harry you dirty rotten coward

Here we go once more, my dudes

Vin get yourself taken care of and go home- 

Harry that wasn’t helpful at all 

Why is everyone getting hurt all of a sudden 

Chris don’t lie to him it makes me feel bad

And stop breaking glass it’s hella expensive

Lee you stupid son of a bitch

This is a blood bath I don’t like it

 Britta Filter NOOOOOOOOOOOO

I DON’T LIKE THIS GAME ANYMORE I DON’T LIKE THIS I DON’T LIKE THIS I DON’T LIKE THIS FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The old man lives wtf (I’m glad don’t get me wrong, but it still hurts my soul)

Three lived I don’t like this,

 Chico, I swear to God you and her’s kids are gonna be adorable don’t fuck this up

Everything hurts 

Well I’m in extreme emotional distress but you know I think I’ll be okay, now before we start with the show I gotta go water some plants- may be using my tears cause ow wasn’t expecting that ending

[lovemybluebully]

Apologize!!

Oh my God, I've been in such a rut with writing anything for quite awhile and then I saw the movie 'Venom' and was finally inspired! I haven't seen any other 'Venom' tickle fics yet so of course I had to do something about that. ;) Please direct me if you've seen any more! If you haven't seen the movie then you might want to hold off on reading this 'cause it kinda has some spoilers of the relationship between Eddie and Venom. Not intended to be symbrock, but think whatever you want to. lol Nothing sexual going on here though. REPEAT, this fic has a lot of tickling in it so if you don't like then don't read.

Summary: Venom does not like when Eddie calls him a particular name, but he's going to get that apology one way or another. M/M Tickle Fic with a little F/M in the beginning

Word Count: 3,068

This didn’t transfer over well from where I had typed it so sorry if the spacing is a little weird. ^_^’

...........................................................

"Hold on! Wait wait wait, Anne, timeout!" Eddie shouted as his ex-girlfriend chased him around his apartment with him knocking furniture and the like into her path to try to keep a fair distance between them. "Uh uh! You're gonna eat those words!" She was smiling in the most sinister way as she pursued him without hesitation, piquing the interest of Eddie's unofficial roomate. "What's going on? Why is she chasing us?"

"She's going to kill us!" Eddie shrieked out to the alien inside of him as he literally jumped over his couch to avoid capture. "Kill us? Why would she do that?"

"Not literally! I mean she's gonna-AAH!" Distracted by Venom's million questions, Eddie was quickly tackled to the floor by the enthusiastic lawyer as he let out a comically high-pitched scream. "Now what was it you were saying about Dan?" Anne raised a brow as she loomed over him, giving him the chance to redeem himself, though knowing he wouldn't take it. "Uhhh....You mean besides that he's an uptight, boring old stick in the mud who needs to get laid-NO! No-ho! I was ju-hust kihihidding!"

Anne knew he didn't actually mean those things as he and Dan had become pretty good friends in the past months. Still she wasn't going to let Eddie get away with taunting her boyfriend when he wasn't there to defend himself. So in retaliation her fingers dug viciously into the sensitive spots on his ribs, provoking hysterical bouts of laughter as the man tried to wiggle free. "What is she doing?!" Venom's voice was full of alarm at how quickly Eddie had become incapacitated. "Oh God! Anne, pleeheeease stooop!" Eddie cried out with his arms helplessly flailing in failed attempts to deflect her relentless hands. Venom had no idea what was going on and could only see that his host was being attacked in some way.

Eddie's heart rate was elevated off the charts, his respiratory system was in full overdrive and his thoughts were frantic and incoherent; all this prompting Venom to assume the worst. "She is hurting us! I'll stop her!" The symbiote was about to launch into fight mode, but Eddie was quick to deter him. "No no! It dohoesn't hurt! It tihihihickles!"

"What is this 'tickles'?" Venom popped his head out to glare suspiciously at Anne, who simply smiled at his nativity and rolled her eyes a little.

"Oh relax, it's not life threatening. It's just something that gets our little Eddie all giggly and squirmy," she said that last part to her victim in the most teasing voice that she could, making him blush and giggle even harder.

At this point Venom was more confused than ever. "...I don't understand. What purpose does it serve to you humans?"

Anne thought for a mere moment, but then just shrugged. "Well I'd say it's more of a bonding activity. You know, just for fun. But it can also be used for revenge and coercion since a lot of people tend to find it to be torture. Right Eddie?" Her knowing fingers squeezed up into the armpits of her ex-boyfriend as he gave an embarrassing squeal and rolled back and forth with his arms clung tightly against his sides. "Yehehes! It suhuhucks!!" The symbiote was intrigued with this peculiar ritual and pried for more information. "So forcing someone to laugh is considered torture?" "It's not really the laughing that's the torture, it's the assault on our overly sensitive nerves that's the torture. Some can't tolerate it as well as others. Which is why I always won all the tickle fights in our relationship," Anne winked at the hysterically laughing man below her. "But are the males of your species not genetically stronger than the females? Why does he not just stop you?"

"Well you see when someone as ticklish as this guy gets tickled it physically weakens them. They lose all their strength, and really just become powerless to do anything about it. Of course you don't want to take it too far, though they'll usually let you know when they've had enough. So what do you say, Eddie?" She directed her attention back to him and drilled her fingers wildly into his hips while he frantically kicked his legs about. "Heehehahahaha! Nohoho more, AahahAnne! I'm sorry! I gihihihive!" "Alright, I suppose you've learned your lesson now," Anne smirked and finally showed mercy, halting her devilish hands and scooting back off of her victim. "Sure. For...For now...I guess," Eddie panted as he slowly sat up with a crimson smile, "I should probably warn Dan about your abuse." "Don't worry about him. He can hold his own, unlike you. And for the record, he gets laid plenty," she teased, playfully squeezing his arm before getting to her feet and brushing down her clothes.

Delighted with this new information, Venom nodded through his long-toothed grin. "We like this tickles thing." "No, we do not!" Eddie glared at the symbiote peeking over his shoulder causing Anne to chuckle at their banter. "Well I will leave you two lovers be. I've got dinner reservations with Dan tonight."

Eddie got up to escort her to the front door as Venom immediately jumped at the chance for a meal, shoving his head between Anne and the door . "We will come too!"

Eddie rolled his eyes and firmly pushed him out of the way to open the door so Anne could step out. "No, we will not."

"But we is hungry!"

"Goodnight Anne, I'll call you tomorrow," he waved and gently shut the door behind her all the while Venom continued to protest. "We must eat! We is wasting away!" "I've got some tater tots in the freezer. Will that shut you up?"

"......Yes. For now." A COUPLE HOURS LATER...... "Eddie..."

"What?" "Hungry!!" "We'll eat later, first I gotta loosen up my mind a bit. Mrs. Chen says it's good for me," Eddie brushed him off as he stretched out his arms, getting ready for a meditation session. "HUNGRY!!"

"Soon alright? Just give me a few minutes to myself for once," he settled down on the floor with his eyes closed, laid out on his back and extended his legs. Now Venom was getting impatient as his head emerged out of Eddie's stomach. "WE EAT NOW!! OR I EAT THIS APPETIZING LIVER OF YOURS!!"

Eddie gave an internal eye roll. "And then we both die. Good job, genius. Now just shut up, ya parasite, I'm trying to concentrate." "PARASITE?!?!"

"You heard me," Eddie smirked, knowing that Venom hated being referred to in that way. "APOLOGIZE!!"

"Nope. Not this time, pal."

"Say it, or I will make you say it!"

Eddie only scoffed again and opened his eyes to give him an annoyed look. "What, you're gonna hurt me? Like I said, if I die then you die."

"Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt us....," Venom grinned and put his plan into motion. "Whoa whoa, hey! Hey! What are you doing?!" Eddie yelped as black slime leaked out of him before wrapping around his arms and legs to hold him down in place. He thrashed and pulled with all his might, but found he was now very stuck.

"Do you take it back?"

"Not a chance! Now let go of me!" "This is your last warning, say you're sorry, or I will give you...," the alien paused for dramatic effect, "...the tickles."

"You'll WHAT?!" Eddie's eyes widened in panic, "Oh no, don't you even think about tickling me, Venom!"

"So I'm not a parasite then?"

Eddie was feeling too stubborn at the moment to just let Venom win this without a fight. "Uh yeah, actually you are! Just look it up in the dictionary! It probably even has your picture too!" He realized that last jab at his symbiote companion was too much when he received an enraged snarl. "HOW DARE YOU!!" Several black tendrils quickly emerged out of Eddie's body before curling back in towards his torso. "But it's the truuu-aah! Ow oww, hey! That kinda hurts, man! You're doing it too hard!" "Oh sorry, a lighter touch then? Like this?"

The feelers probing into his sides lessened the pressure to more of a light massage as the man nodded and began to giggle. "Yeah...hehehee....yeah, like that," Eddie suddenly realized that he was unintentionally coaching Venom on how to tickle him and immediately tried to backpedal, "I MEAN NO! No no, nohohot like thaahaat! Hahahahaa, absolutely not like thaahaahaat!" "So exactly like that? Seems to be working quite well."

He increased the speed, making it feel like hundreds of tiny fingers tickling all along the sides of his helplessly struggling captive. "Venom, nohohoo please! Ahahahah, I'm ssss...so ticklish! Ihihit's nohot funny!"

"Actually it is kind of funny," the symbiote chuckled to himself; amused by the noises Eddie was making and by how he squirmed around. "I haahaate yoohoohooou!!" "We know that's a lie," Venom licked his teeth in delight when Eddie shrieked as he directed the dark tentacles to wiggle up under his arms as he had seen Anne do. "Baahaha!! No, not thehehere!! Stahahahaaap!!" Eddie's head was thrown back as he howled with uncontrolled laughter, knowing he was completely at Venom's mercy. "I...I'm go-haha-nna kill yoo-hoou...ahehehehahah...stu-hoo-pid parasite!!" "Now you've done it, Eddie!" At this point Venom was enjoying this too much to be angry, and just concentrated all his efforts into getting his friend to give in and apologize. He noticed that his quarry's t-shirt had slid up from all the writhing he was doing, exposing his stomach and quickly giving the alien a new idea. "You know if you don't feed me soon I may just start eating you from the outside. Now what have we here? Oooh what a tasty looking belly!" Using his tongue as an extra appendage he gently licked over Eddie's lower abdomen, and circled around his navel, instantly receiving hysterical squeals throughout all the laughter.

"Eeeheeheehehehehe!! Whahahat the hell-ahehaha-ahare you doing?! Thaa...Thaahaat's so-ho grohohohoss!!" "Mmmm, actually you're quite delicious. Maybe I will eat you after all," he leaned in close and ran his tongue up the side of Eddie's face in an attempt at intimidation, but Eddie was far past ever being afraid of him. "Go aheheheead!! Hahahaa!! Anything is b...behehetter thahaan this!!"

"Nah, I can't do that. What would I do without you, Eddie? This Earth is much more fun having you alive," he withdrew the black ooze from the journalist's torso in a momentary break as poor Eddie gasped for air. "Could you...Could you stop sl....slobbering all over me now?" "Don't be silly, we know you like it," Venom smiled and teasingly waved his dripping tongue near Eddie's disgusted face before continuing, "So Eddie, anywhere else you are ticklish that you'd like to share?"

Unable to stop the thought that immediately popped into his head, Eddie knew he was in trouble since Venom had total access to his mind. "Uh oh...Wait wait, that's not what I meant to think of!"

He watched in horror as Venom grinned and the black gooey mass began to move down his legs; headed right for his bare feet. He quickly decided that he had to apologize now or he was doomed. "No no no, Venom, don't! Please! Don't touch my feet! I'm sorry, ok! I'm sorry!"

The symbiote paused, hovering inches away from his new target. "What was that?"

"I'm really really sorry I called you a parasite! I take it all back!"

Eddie was sweating bullets as Venom stayed quiet for several moments, thinking it over before finally nodding. "Hmmm...alright, your apology is accepted."

Eddie sighed in relief as he let his head fall back against the floor. "Thanks, buddy. I really couldn't stand it if ya..." "But for future reference I'm afraid we'll still have to do a test," the symbiote smiled evilly as Eddie heard this and immediately tried to bolt, but unfortunately he was still being restrained firmly on his back with no hope of escape. "No wait! I'll do anything! I'll cook you some more tater tots! I'll get you chocolate too! Lots of it! I'll even let you bite someone's head off! Or you want to eat a whole person?! I'll let you eat a person! Just don't tickle my-AAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

Venom had formed his ooze into hands that were now scratching their slimy fingers over every inch of Eddie's bare soles. "Hahahahah aaaheheeheehehah!! Nohohooo!! I...I tohold yooohooou I wahahas so-hahaha-rry!! Stohahahahahooop!!" "Sounds like we have hit the jackpot," Venom teased with Eddie desperately begging for mercy as the goo was liquefied to squirm up between his toes. "Thaahaahaat tickles!! Teehehahahaha!! It tihihihickles sohohoo baahaaad!! Pl...Please!! No-ho mohohore!!" He was a hysterical mess as tears crept out his eyes, still desperately trying to break free. "Hehe, this weakness you humans have is certainly entertaining. I've never seen anything like it." "Veh....Venom!! I'm behehegging yooooooou!! Gahahaahaaha!! I caahaa-n't breeheeheeeathe!! You're kihihilling meeee!!" "Killing you?!" The symbiote stopped immediately as concern overtook him, and he began wrapping Eddie's entire body up in the black ooze, "Don't worry! We will heal you!"

Eddie wanted to wave him off, but he was too exhausted to even lift a hand so instead he just briefly shook his head. "No, just....just get off and let me....lay here....for a minute...and...catch.....my breath," he didn't move as Venom slithered off of him and remained quiet until he started to regain his energy. "Did I go too far?"

Eddie breathed out a sigh and finally was able to stand up slowly. "Don't worry, you weren't literally killing me. But yeah, you kinda did go a little far."

"Well you wouldn't feed us! And then you called me that....name," Venom growled a little as he draped himself across Eddie's shoulders, making his friend feel bad at how offended he looked. "Well I sure ain't gonna be able to meditate now after all that so I'll get you fed soon enough. But I'll say it again, I'm sorry for calling you that, buddy. Forgive me?"

Venom knew he really meant it. Eddie always seemed pretty genuine about expressing his feelings, and him asking for forgiveness made the symbiote perk right up. "Of course, Eddie. We love Eddie," he gently flicked his tongue under Eddie's chin as the man rolled his eyes with a smile. "Yeah, I know. You're not too bad yourself. Other than tickle torturing me like that."

"It was well deserved, if I'm to understanding it's purpose correctly. If you insult me then I'm allowed to get my revenge," he grinned as Eddie chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "Heh, I guess. Though it never took much with Anne. She used to find whatever reason she could to tickle me half crazy," he shuddered a little just thinking about how merciless she could be. "We like her. Besides you, she is one of the few people on this planet that we would never try to eat." "Well I can see why. You've both got some evil similarities between you," Eddie shook his head as he began to rummage through his freezer. "Soooo looks like we're all out of tater tots. I'll have to pick some up tomorrow. How about for tonight I order us a pizza or two?"

"Pizza?"

"Yeah, you'll like it," he closed the freezer as he walked across the room to sit on his couch, "I'll have them put every meat you can think of on it." "Like the still bleeding flesh of humans?"

Venom sounded hopeful while Eddie just blinked incredulously. "Uhh.....no.....I meant like sausage, pepperoni, bacon..."

"But all that is made from dead things!"

"Well get used to it. My diet consists of eating a lot of dead things. Or you can starve, up to you," he shrugged as he reached in his pocket to pull out his cell phone, while the alien practically pouted as he stared down at the floor. "....I will try it." "Thought so. Now keep quiet while I order this," Eddie shushed him with a finger to his lips as he dialed a number on his phone, "Yeah hi, I'd like to order delivery....two larges; one all meat, and the other with-Ahaha!"

He barked out a laugh as Venom briefly wriggled a tendril under his arm, glaring at the smirking alien before tightly clamping his arms against his sides and turning his attention back to the person on the phone. "Sorry about that. So that was one all meat, and the other just make a combination with extra mushroo-hoooms! Dammit, ya parasi...!" He immediately cut himself off before he could finish as he looked nervously over at the annoyed symbiote. "Eddie....," he hissed while Eddie quickly tried to finish his phone conversation. "Uhhh...nope that's it! So thirty minutes?! Okthanksbye," he hastily hung up the phone as he prepared to explain himself, "Hey, you were messing with me! And I don't mean nothing by it!"

"You called me a..." A snarl was building up as Eddie continued to clarify. "C'mon! It's just a nickname! Like a term of endearment!" "...Endearment?" Venom looked at him with skeptical eyes, not fully grasping the concept. "Yeah, you know 'cause you're my friend, and that's just something friends do. It just means I like you is all," Eddie's voice had softened up a little to try to prove his sincerity. In the beginning he wasn't at all thrilled about having an alien invade his body, but once they had come to understand each other their bond began to develop, and now Eddie couldn't imagine his life without the symbiote. He knew Venom felt the same with how he replied. "Well when you put it that way, ok. I guess we'll allow it after all." It would have almost been a sweet moment had Eddie not decided to kill it. "Or if you really want I can come up with something else. Now what's another word for 'parasite'? Bloodsucker? Leech? Uh, freeloader? Yeah, I think freeloader is pretty accurate."

"........"

"Ahahahaa, I'm sorry! I'm sorryeeheeheehee! It wahas a johohoke!"

Several black tentacles had crept out and were wriggling mercilessly into his ribs and over his stomach, making Eddie topple over onto his side from laughing so hard. Though with Venom being attached to him there would never be any escaping from the tickling. "Let's see if we don't kill you this time. Thirty minutes until that pizza stuff gets here, right? Perfect."

[evenstevensranked]

#5: Season 3, Episode 1 - “The Kiss”

Season 3 begins with a bang -- bringing us one of the best, most memorable episodes the show has ever produced! Louis and Tawny accidentally kiss at lunch and the two decide to start dating!!! AHHHH! Everything's great until Tawny has to kiss Zack Estrada (yes, the saga continues once again) in the school play. The subplot is all about Donnie, who feels like a broken human because he never cries.

This is it, guys. The Top 5. The home stretch. The crème de la crème. Let’s go. 

This episode was a really big moment in my childhood. I was going through some old VHS tapes I found not too long ago, and came across one with this episode on it! That’s how you know it was a major deal. The first minute or so was cut off on the recording, and this was before all of our TVs had in-depth guides at our fingertips -- so I had no idea what episode was going to be airing. All I knew was “Even Stevens is up next!” So as soon as I saw it was the kiss episode, I popped in that tape and recorded this thing ASAP. I was a tweenage hopeless romantic with a crush on Shia LaBeouf. Of course I had to record the episode where Louis gets a girlfriend. 

It opens with Louis and Tawny at lunch together being adorable, trading snacks and sides until each of their lunches are completely different from what they started with. When suddenly, Tawny ~gets something in her eye.~ The oldest cliché in the book! I love it. Louis gets reaaal close to Tawny and goes diggin’ for gold in her eye, eventually identifying the “thing” as a soy cookie crumb. That’s when some person bumps into Louis and thankfully Tawny’s lips are there to break his fall.

The two are in absolute stunned silence once they break apart. It was a magical moment, clearly, as you can see. Ren interrupts their mutual daze by walking over with Zack Estrada and Tom in tow, reminding Tawny that she has a fitting for the school play. This does a hard cut to Louis’ room after school that day. Twitty dramatically spits out his drink when he hears the news: “DUDE! THIS IS HUGE YOU KISSED TAWNY?!?!” 

I’ve mentioned before that Even Stevens comes across as more of a ~bro show~ in comparison to the majority of Disney Channel shows which typically follow a teen girl as the lead. This is why I love rare moments like this scene between Louis and Twitty. Two guy best friends freaking out about one of them kissing a girl for the first time. I feel like we never see this on Disney Channel anymore. It feels so real and genuine too, especially for these characters. Louis isn’t entirely sure if it counts as a kiss though, so Twitty demands to get the facts straight. (“Kissing is like basketball, either the ball went in the hoop or it didn’t!”) He asks Louis how long he kissed her for and Louis guesses it was a “one-Mississippi” length. Twitty rejoices. 

“SWISH, DUDE! You kissed her!”

Louis is elated. Both of them agree that Louis + Tawny = Beautiful. (Can’t argue there!) So much so, that Louis starts to skip around with happiness. One of my favorite parts of the whole episode is here, when Louis takes a moment to think about how Tawny might be feeling. He has a mental breakdown when he realizes “Wait, whoa. There she was... Eating her lunch... and I, like... JUMPED on her! For all I know, Tawny’s disgusted by me!” Louis Stevens is the kind of guy we all deserve. I know it’s such a small thing, but it’s something that has aged amazingly. This line stood out like a sore thumb to me given today’s political climate and the Me Too era. I’ve said a million times that this show has aged super gracefully because it really has. It’s not entirely perfect though. No show is without its blemishes. There are some things we haven’t made it to yet in the countdown that have definitely not aged very well, but we’ll get to that later. Let’s just say, this one little line shows that Louis has grown exponentially as not only a character, but a guy in general, and sets a good example. Twitty vows to go on a “fact-finding mission” for Louis to figure out how Tawny feels about the situation. 

Tawny is still back at school rehearsing for the play which was written by... you guessed it! REN STEVENS! This woman does everything. How does anyone else even have a job at LJH? Ren is in charge of everything ever. Ren’s brilliant and totally not boring play is about Abigail Adams, played by Tawny, and her relationship with John Adams, played by none other than Zack Estrada! Knowing these characters and their history, it’s clear that Zack is still into Tawny to some degree. Coach Tugnut is there because they apparently pay him $92 to be the theater advisor. I love how specific that amount is, lol. He has no problem telling Ren that her play is a pile of trash and needs to be spiced up if she wants to sell any tickets.

I love how Tom is playing the “lowly manservant.” He’s ridiculously dedicated to staying in character at all times throughout the episode. Tom’s the best. Tawny’s pattern mixing though. A plaid dress with red and black striped tights and Docs? She was so ~alternative.~ I love it. 

Zack is trying to ask Tawny out for a root beer when Twitty crashes the rehearsal and not so subtly tries to ask Tawny about the kiss, skirting around the issue by nervously asking stupid questions instead like “where are your parents from originally?” But of course, Tawny is freaking awesome and has no time for anyone's bs as usual. She literally says “I’m gonna stop you. Because eventually, you’re going to ask me about the kiss Louis gave me today at lunch. If he wants to talk to me about it, he can talk to me without your help. Tell him to meet me at his locker 10 minutes before first period,” YAAAASSSSSS! TAWNY IS NO NONSENSE AND ONE OF THE GREATEST FEMALE CHARACTERS ON DISNEY. Praise. 

The next morning Louis is waiting for Tawny at his locker and you’ve undoubtedly seen this screenshot of when he notices her walking his way: 

Smooth. For whatever reason this is one of the main images that comes up as a “Louis Stevens” search result, therefore nearly every single nostalgia article uses it. It’s kind of annoying. 

Louis and Tawny have a preciously awkward conversation, talking about how they both couldn’t sleep because they were up thinking about what happened. They’re also sort of skirting around the issue until Tawny puts her foot down once again: “Look, Louis, I like you. I always have. Since the first day I met you.” I am melting. Louis is so freaking happy and says “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?! WE COULD’A BEEN KISSIN’ UP A STORM!!!” Oh, wow. They immediately start dating and I’m a puddle of goo. Also, this happens. Which... yeah, lol. 95k notes. Wow. 

The first gif tho. Louis when Tawny was saying “I like you.” HOW GENUINE IS THAT FACE?! Shia won an Emmy for this so there is justice in the world. But yeah. They are so pure. :’)

This leads into a montage that spans possibly 3 days or so, showing us Louis and Tawny interacting as a couple. I hate that this is all we get. They should’ve stretched this montage into 3 episodes instead tbh. I live for this crap. 

“Hey, babe. Want some celery?” 

“Only 15 more hours ‘til I see you!” 

"Thanks for walking me to rehearsal.” “Oh, anything for my beautiful lady.” 

QUALITY CONTENT. Also, gotta love how polite Louis is being by wearing that hideous sweater Tawny knit for him. 

I love this episode because we get to see actual ~Boyfriend Louis~ for the first and pretty much only time, and man is it something. Once again this show nails the awkwardness of Junior High relationships. It’s so intense when you’re 14, right?! There’s no such thing as casually dating. You have to be all in, 24/7. It takes over your life because you’re not really equipped to mentally handle a serious relationship at 14. This is why I never get tired of watching TV teen relationships. They’re always endlessly entertaining to me. 

After watching a cheesy 1940s “Casablanca” knock-off romance movie with the fam, Ren realizes the “spice” her play needs is the passion of two people in love. She rewrites the play to make it more exciting and even adds in a passionate kiss between Abigail and John... a.k.a. Zack and Tawny... for the big finale. UH-OH! We’re introduced to Donnie’s little subplot there because Steve, Eileen, and even Beans -- bawled their eyes out at the movie but all Donnie could do was burp after stuffing his face through the whole thing. He starts to question “what’s wrong with me?!” because he felt no emotion whatsoever.  

Ren announces the script changes at the rehearsal Louis walked Tawny to a few screenshots above. Coach Tugnut observes Louis and Tawny’s obvious couple-y vibe and tells Louis “First girlfriend? Get ready for a lifetime of pain.” Oh, god. That’s the last thing you should tell Louis Stevens. He starts freaking out and it only gets worse when he hears Ren tell everyone about the addition of the big kiss and Zack cheers “YEEEEEAHHHH!!!!!! *transitions into a cough to cover his excitement*” Because as I mentioned, it’s clear that he’s still into Tawny. I feel like if it was anyone other than Zack, Louis might be okay with the kiss. There’s just something about this guy that he absolutely cannot deal with. We first saw Louis' jealousy over Zack and Tawny way back in Season 1 with "Easy Way" and then "Strictly Ballroom." We also see Louis become super jealous over Twitty's friendship with Zack towards the end of the series. Also... I swear, I did not plan for 3 out of 4 episodes in The Zack Estrada Saga to end up in the Top 10 and be counted down in serial order. Pretty cool that it worked out that way though, haha.

Louis feels that Ren’s rewrite is “too predictable” so he decides to write his own ending for the play and presents it to Ren at home that night. He envisions the story concluding with Abigail running to her husband and giving him a haircut. HAHAHA! Anything but a kiss! “I’ve never seen it before!” he says. Welp, he’s definitely right about his idea being unpredictable! lol. Imagine?! Of course, Ren can tell that Louis is actually just freaking out about Zack kissing Tawny and Louis is like “Are you trying to embarrass me in front of the whole school?!” -- But, would it really be that bad though? Would people taunt him like “lol ur girlfriend kissed another guy” or something? Because, like... It’s just a play. But then again, it is middle school. So. 

Louis is super down about the whole thing and Tawny finds him sulking on a bench the next day. She’s all “Hey, Cutie Pants! I’ve been looking all over for you!” -- ‘Cutie Pants’ is a little too far, lol. She brought Louis her “Tater Slabs,” which he declines. Side note: Are those supposed to be a form of Tater Tots? Because I feel like Disney Channel has a million different names for Tater Tots. They call them Tater Slabs here. These days, they’re calling them Baby Taters on Andi Mack. It’s just a constant reminder that “Tater Tots” is a registered trademark that Disney can’t say without coughing up the cash, lol.

Tawny asks Louis if something’s the matter and he’s like “I think you should quit the play” and pulls a bunch of bogus excuses out of his butt as for why. Tawny being Tawny cuts right to the chase: “Does this have anything to do with me kissing Zack?” I love this bit. She reassures him that all they’re doing is acting, it’s not real -- and there’s only one person she really wants to kiss. She asks Louis to promise he’ll be okay with it and Louis’ response of “Alright. I promise,” is the softest, most sincere thing I’ve ever heard this character say. It warms my heart every time. Tawny heads off to rehearsal and Louis is feeling prett-ay swaggy knowing he’s ~the only man in Tawny’s life~

I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS. I also never knew what he was saying here, but I think I just realized he’s mouthing to himself “I’m the only one she really wants to kiss” 

Louis was just accepting the fact that it’s ONLY ACTING until he sees the newly unveiled poster for the play that features a cozy picture from dress rehearsal. 

CUT TO THE PLAY! It starts with a bit where Tawny/Abigail calls Tom’s character Renee “a loyal and faithful manservant.” Tom originally had a speech, but Ren cut it in her rewrite. So he milks his time on stage by saying “Thank you, thank you, thank you” repeatedly to Abigail. It’s great. Tawny and Zack are up there acting really well together! Louis’ whole family is whispering about how great their chemistry is and Louis is quaking. 

One of John’s lines in the play is that he will think of Abigail “on two occasions... when my eyes are open, and when they are closed,” -- Is that a Babyface reference?! HAHA. Louis can’t take it anymore so he goes running backstage and I’m not sure what he was planning to do, but he ends up going completely insane. He somehow managed to steal Tom’s costume right off his back and goes running on stage demanding for John to leave before kissing his wife goodbye. It’s so cringeworthy. I can’t help but laugh though when Louis says “You must come with me at once! You gotta send her a postcard, email, or something! We gotta miss rush-hour traffic!” LOL. 

Ren: “How did Louis get your clothes?!”

Tom: “He can be very persuasive...” 

What could Louis possibly have said to get Tom to strip?! Omg. 

Tom goes running on stage like ^ that in an attempt to save the play somehow and says “Excuse the undergarments, m’lady! I was under the cherry tree napping!” which was always one of my mom’s favorite lines, haha. Tom tries to drag Louis off stage but the entire play officially goes down in flames when Louis starts fighting Tom off of him. He goes rollin’ all over the stage, knocking down everything in his path -- completely ruining the set. It’s funny, but I also feel so bad for Tawny. Ugh. 

After Louis destroys the whole shebang, he tries to play it off by doing this... which is truly hilarious: 

Louis meets up with Tawny outside after the play and the two have such a dramatic conversation. I love it. Louis apologizes: “You gotta understand... I tried to be mature and cool. And the next thing I know, I’m up on stage wearing Tom’s pants! I’m really sorry.” It’s way more sincere than it sounds. Louis decides that he’s not ready for a relationship. This is actually such great character development for him. Interestingly, he’s mature enough to realize he’s NOT mature enough to seriously date someone. As upsetting and frustrating as it is to see the two break up, it’s also really satisfying to see him own up to his immaturity. This creates a true arc for when they finally get together in the series finale. It feels earned. Like they’re actually ready that time around. They decide to go back to being just friends for the time being. Before they part ways, however, Louis decides to leave Tawny with a super suave kiss?! What the heck?!

This was the biggest kiss of my entire childhood between two TV characters aside from Lizzie and Gordo at the end of The Lizzie McGuire Movie tbh. Everyone was expecting that Lizzie/Gordo kiss though. THIS one was outta left field here! This is so weird to me! He’s super smooth with Beans’ cousin later on and here he’s kissin’ Tawny like a pro. Idk, man. 

The episode ends with Donnie finally crying over that Babyface lyric: “When his eyes are open, and when his eyes are closed......... THAT’S ALL THE TIME!”

And that’s it! 

Gaaad, this episode is a classic. Like I said, it was a pretty big deal for 10 year old me, let me tell ya! I feel like it’s definitely one of the most memorable episodes ever. Not to mention, it technically has 3 plots (Louis/Tawny, Ren writing the play, and Donnie) and ALL OF THEM ARE INTERTWINED FLAWLESSLY! I gotta commend that. The only department I’d say this episode is lacking in is quotable dialogue. But that’s it really! It checks every box for me otherwise! This episode and the finale probably had a lot to do with Season 3 being my favorite as a kid, haha. 

What are your thoughts on this wonderful season opener?! Please add to the conversation via Disqus belowwww!

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[youremyonlyhope]

Children of Earth: Day Four

AKA Wow, things get even worse. You don’t think it’s possible, but here we are.

OR: This episode is so relevant to this week that it was physically painful to watch and I’m even more mad at Trump than ever before.

I’m not ready for this.

Been super busy the last 2 weeks, gonna watch this episode now. Who knows when I’ll get to Day 5. Maybe over the weekend if I’m lucky. Doubt it.

See, I know how intense Day Three is since I literally just watched it a few weeks ago, but somehow I blocked it out over the last 2 weeks. And the “Previously...” reminded me. Oh god. THIS IS WHY I REFUSED TO REWATCH THIS SEASON. Why is this episode an hour long why do you need to add MORE time to my pain? Oh... Gareth’s name on the opening credits for the last time... I’m sad. “In 1913 the Spanish flu killed something like 5% of the human race.” “I know, I was there.” Ok, taking a second to pull focus from this horrible thing they’re doing to say how much I love Jack’s little “LOL I remember that” “But that was 100s of years ago” “Haha, yeah...” moments throughout Torchwood. They’re my favorite things. Also, I had forgotten that they gave them the 10 kids in return for a cure to save 25 million people... I mean... it’s still horrible... but for all these years I hadn’t remember any type of justification. For some reason I was thinking they were just doing it because the aliens asked and they didn’t want angry aliens coming at them, not that it was because of an actual deal made. It doesn’t make it... that much better... but it’s not as bad? I guess? I don’t know. I guess I’m relieved I remembered it wrong. Also hi Sophie! I remember when Benedict married her I was like “I know her... I KNOW I know her...” and sure enough, Torchwood. Britain has 5 actors, and they’ve all been in the Whoniverse. “Just 12? Sounds like a good deal.” Oh Jack... oh Jack oh Jack oh Jack... I mean he’s in such a tough situation, but also I wonder if his immortality skews his judgement. Not even wonder since we know it does sometimes. More like I wonder if this is one of those times. “They say they’ll live forever” Ohhhhh god they kept their promise. Oh god. “Actually, we need someone who doesn’t care.” OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH. SEE. IMMORTALITY. SKEWING JUDGEMENT. THEY KNOW. THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. JACK. GROUND YOURSELF MORE.

Ugh. My episode’s frozen after Gwen says “You just handed them over and hoped for the best?” but if I go 1 second ahead of that it’s fine. What is wrong with this 1 second that keeps freezes?

I wonder if there was something that drew the kids in? Because even though Jack is super charismatic, and kids are super obedient and trusting, they wouldn’t just walk into a bright light because a guy told them to... or at least I hope they wouldn’t... Well at least Jack’s super mad about it. I mean, they shouldn’t have even attempted to stop Clem from shooting. That’s the good thing about Jack, you can keep shooting him and killing him over and over again until you get all your anger out, and there are no consequences.  Especially since Jack already hates himself enough to agree with you for whatever reason you’re shooting him. Wow I hate Torchwood. “Can’t believe you didn’t mention this before.” Ianto, all of your scenes last episode had me going “WHY ARE YOU TWO ONLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF.” so there’s sooooooooo much you don’t know. I can’t tell if Johnson asking about Steven not knowing who Jack really is is her genuinely being interested in the situation, or if she’s mocking them. It could go either way. Part of me feels like I remember her being redeemed, I hope I’m right because I REALLY want to like Johnson. Wait why did the computer sound like it was combined with Bridget’s voice? Does it assume she’s a woman so it adds a woman’s voice over the computer voice? Or were the editors just lazy and altered Bridget’s actress’ lines instead of rerecording them with a computer voice? Oh deep breaths. I can’t handle this. JUST THE STUPID SMOKEY BOX MAKES ME ANXIOUS. I love that Frobisher mentioned the Prime Minister. I know it’s not him outrightly telling everyone that the Prime Minister’s a part of it, but still it’s more recognition than the PM wanted so I’m glad Frobisher brought him up, even in that way. And only mentioned him. He could have said “The Prime Minister, an American General, and a UNIT Colonel are watching.” but no, he said “The Prime Minister of this country is watching.” Yes. I love it. Who is this brave soul walking into the box though? What’s his story? I love Lois getting closer and Bridget giving her a “What is this girl doing?” look. Oh god the child. And the Prime Minister’s like “Oops I’ve been caught” AND I’M LIKE STOP BEING SO SELFISH YOU IDIOT THERE’S A CHILD IN THERE AND YOU’RE CARING THAT IT’S PROOF AGAINST YOU. WHAT ABOUT THE CHILD WHO’S STILL A CHILD 44 YEARS LATER AND HOOKED UP TO STUFF? DON’T YOU WANNA KNOW IF HE’S OK? Oh I don’t think I noticed Ianto’s tears before... baby no... “Do you think he knows? Is he conscious?” Wow Rhys asking a good question. Is it better if he’s not in pain? Oh Lois no don’t cry no this hurts. I FORGOT ABOUT THE 456 JUST BEING LIKE “LOL BUT I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WANTED THIS OFF THE RECORD LOL WELL YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE COME IN LOL” THAT’S BOTH HILARIOUS AND HORRIFYING. “What does it want them for?” “Bit late to ask now.” OOOOh Rhys I love you. Asking good questions, calling out Jack. Love love love the American General. Right now. I think I remember ending up hating everyone in that room debating which kids to take. But right now, love him. And the Prime Minister’s an idiot. But we knew this already. Old news.

OH MY GOD. Oh my god. Watching this season in the midst of the outrage over Trump’s family separation policy... just... it all suddenly hit me really hard. Wow.

“I’ve only just scraped the surface, haven’t I?” Unfortunately, yes.

Jack: I’ve gotta go, I won’t be long. Me: Here we go again. Running away. Ianto: You’re doing it again. Me: GOOD. CALL HIM OUT.

Yes, Jack, it’s ok to call Frobisher. It’s smart to do it far away so it can’t be tracked. Just TELL them you’re going to do it. Once again, even just shouting it as you run off is better than nothing. Wow ok now Jack’s spilling everything. I do love that coat though. Jack’s iconic coat. I know I just ruined an emotional scene, but since losing the original coat I REALLY appreciate the new one, ok? It’s his thing. That picture they pulled up of Jack is from They Keep Killing Suzie when they all arrive all dramatic and we are introduced to my queen, Detective Swanson. Did they just pick that episode for everyone’s pictures? Owen’s official picture’s from that scene too. Also, still super disappointed we never got more Detective Swanson. She was the BEST. Love her. HEY, PRIME MINISTER, FROBISHER NEEDS A NAP. PRIME MINISTER. STOP BRINGING FROBISHER INTO THIS. DEAL WITH STUFF FOR YOURSELF FOR ONCE. STOP SAVING YOURSELF. THINK OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION OF THE WORLD. OR AT THE VERY VERY LEAST THINK OF FROBISHER. “Unaccompanied asylum seekers awaiting deportation.” Guys. Guys. This is getting too real. This was too real in 2009 when it aired. This was too real in 2013 when I watched it for the first time. And this is WAY TOO REAL IN 2018. “Orphans in ‘65, asylum seekers today. There’s progress for you.” Uugggghghhhhhhh “And no one would miss them.” Wow all of this is too real why are we here why are we at this point. Calling them units instead of kids to make it easier. THEY’RE ALL SAYING DIFFERENT NUMBERS? THE 456 KNOW EXACTLY HOW MANY FROM EACH COUNTRY THEY WANT? OH GOD. 2,340,000 from America oh god. “325,000 is 10% of the childr- the, uh, units in this country.” WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY. WHO IS THIS DUDE SAYING “OH IT’S WORTH CONSIDERING COMPLYING” STOP IT. RICK. STOP IT. Also apparently he’s played by Nicholas Briggs aka the Daleks and Cybermen so hiiiiiiiii nice to see your face! NOW, TELL YOUR CHARACTER TO STOP SUGGESTING GIVING AWAY THE CHILDREN. Also this is Infinity War too. Dwindling resources. Instead of finding a way to make more resources, just kill people so whoever’s left can have more. Perfectly logical. If you’re Thanos. Come on Johnson. Come on girl. Start snooping into your bosses. “We are now facing the worst-case scenario.” Yep. From now on, they can’t call anything else the worst-case scenario. Nothing is worse than this. PM. DUDE. STOP PUTTING ALL OF THIS ON FROBISHER. “Which is out of my hands, over to you, sir.” Subtly fighting back just a little teeny tiny bit. Not letting him put anything else onto him. Good. IF ONLY YOU WOULD JUST QUIT AND WALK AWAY AND SHOUT ON THE STREETS WHAT THE PRIME MINISTER DID TO YOU AND IS PLANNING TO DO TO EVERYONE ELSE. I like the guy who wants it to be random. Dalek-Rick gave the genius suggestion of doing it alphabetically. Wow. Just get him out of here. Convincing the PM to go through with it, suggesting doing it alphabetically. Why is he here? Every second-born child? So I’d be taken since I’m a twin who was born a minute later than my brother by chance. But also I was 13 in 2009 so I wouldn’t have been considered, but STILL. SECOND-BORN IS DUMB. ALL OF THIS IS DUMB. “If this... this lottery takes place, my kids aren’t in it.” Uggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I mean, I get not wanting your kids to be taken from you, but just ughghghhghghghhhghhghghhhhhhhhh YOU’RE NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. “I’m sure the families of Gold Command will be exempted anyway.” “In fact isn’t that official policy?” Why are we here why are we here “Whatever happens, the children and grandchildren of everyone around this table will be exempt.” Oh, but everyone except Frobisher? Right? Ok but lady, I bet you anything your brother’s kids are not as bright as you assume they are. Not as “valuable.” You just have more investment in them than kids you’re not related to. What if you brother’s kids were evaluated and seen to not be valuable? Denise talking about good schools and failing schools while NYC has a debate over the SHSAT is also too real. Frobisher’s the only one horrified. Oh god oh god Jack and Ianto are going to Thames House oh no oh no no no no no no no. She’s been wearing those contacts for nearly 24 hours now oh god. See, I want to see what kind of outrage there was when someone finally figured out what the number meant and it spread to the general public. Oh Trinity Wells. She’s one of my favorite characters in the Whoniverse honestly. Love her. Just gonna leave a parked car in the middle of gridlocked traffic. Great. “This goes to you people listening in on the wire too.” IANTO YES. This scene where he tells Rhiannon how much he loves her and the kids is so much worse knowing Ianto’s about to die... Oh wow. I went from smiling to my face just dropping as I remembered. Ok Frobisher, I will admit that’s a well thought out plan to get out of this and avoid the blame. I will give you that much. BUT I STILL HATE THAT THIS IS HAPPENING AT ALL. “No one in this room is a willing accomplice.” Ehhhhhhhhhhh you’re the highest on the list since you enjoyed not having your name on this and never intended to take any credit. You had no stakes for a while while you gave Frobisher orders. So shut up PM.

OH GOD JUST POOR LOIS. GIRL SHOWS UP, THINKING SHE HAS A NICE LITTLE SECRETARY JOB FOR A SMALL BRANCH OF THE GOVERNMENT. GETS PULLED INTO A INTERNATIONAL AND INTERSPECIES CRISIS. AND IS NOW COMMITTING TREASON IN AN ATTEMPT TO SAVE THE WORLD. I LOVE HER. SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. AT LEAST TORCHWOOD AND FROBISHER AND THE PM KNEW ALIENS EXISTED AND WERE READY (to an extent) TO DEAL WITH IT. LOIS WAS JUST THROWN INTO IT ON HER FIRST DAY. And she’s handled it so well. God. Lois deserves all the appreciation.

God. Just watching her, I’m getting that feeling I get when I talk in class. The nerves, feeling all warm like I can feel the blood in all of my veins. Oh god I can’t imagine how she feels. “Oh yeah, you and whose army?” “Torchwood.” LOVE LOVE LOVE LOIS. LOVE LOVE LOVE THEIR SHOCKED REACTIONS. My girl Lois. Blackmailing the entire British Government. Your fave could NEVER. Oh god 13 more minutes in the episode. I wonder if Dekker and Jack ever met in 1965. Wait nooooo is Dekker about to die?!?!??!??!?!?!??!?!?! HE’S IN THE BUILDING. NOOOO DEKKER NO. Also yeah, the “computer lip reading” is just them editing the actors’ voices. Try harder Torchwood, you have Nicholas Briggs right there! The king of robotic alien voices! 10 feet away! Ooooh nooo Dekker why must you be in the building. “Happy now?” PRIME MINISTER. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE SPEAKING. THERE ARE MAYBE A COUPLE HUNDRED PEOPLE IN THAT BUILDING, DYING OF A VIRUS, AND YOU’RE ACTING LIKE IT’S WORSE THAN THE MILLIONS OF CHILDREN YOU ARE HANDPICKING AND PLAN TO GIVE AWAY TO BE USED AS DRUGS!??!?!!?!? GET OFF YOUR IMAGINARY HIGH HORSE. Ugh stupid bulletproof glass. Last time, I didn’t think Ianto was actually dying and barely reacted. It’s because I spoiled myself and saw that the only original Torchwood actors in Miracle Day were John, Eve, and Kai. But I thought Kai was Gareth’s name, and I assumed Ianto would be in Miracle Day, so I didn’t take his death seriously. This time, my eyes are a little wet. I rarely cry. Didn’t cry over either of Owen’s deaths, Tosh’s death made me shed one tear and then her goodbye video made me shed another. So. I’m not shocked I didn’t cry. But I actually felt sad this time instead of going “No, but he’s supposed to be still alive next season?” the whole scene. Frobisher. This is where you quit. This is where you get up, and walk away. Oh god poor Jack, remembering what happened. Ok. Ok. Gwen crying nearly got me. I got very close to crying just then. Gwen. Girl. Why you gotta make me sad?

Yeah so... everything sucks.

And I really did not believe that Ianto was dead. I was like “Ok but he’s gonna be back” and then I watched Day 5 and Jack flew away or whatever he does and then Gwen and Rhys go off with the baby and Ianto was still dead and I was like “...WHAT.” And then I reread the Tardis Wiki page for Torchwood (That’s what spoiled me) and saw it said “Kai Owen” and I clicked on Kai and I was like “...Oh... Kai’s Rhys not Ianto...” SO it was my own stupidity. BUT IN MY DEFENSE: I had been watching Torchwood nonstop for 3 days by this point. I had only taken breaks to sleep and eat (sometimes eating while watching). I did not look into any of the actors until after I finished Children of Earth. I don’t know when I had the time to look at the Tardis Wiki, but I did at some point in season 1, yet Tosh and Owen’s deaths at the end of Season 2 still felt like they came out of no where even though I should have known they’d be gone by Miracle Day.

See, when my brother watched Titanic for the first time, he’d managed to make it 16 years without being spoiled for the movie. Me? I’ve never seen it, but I was spoiled a long time ago and I don’t feel like putting myself through that pain so I kind of refuse to watch it. But he didn’t know what was coming at all. Apparently, halfway through the movie, he was so into the story that he forgot they were even on a boat, let alone the TITANIC, so once everything started flooding it was like he was slapped in the face by reality. That was me with Torchwood. I knew that Stolen Earth and Journey’s End only had Gwen, Jack, and Ianto since I watched Doctor Who first, but I didn’t really comprehend that that meant something had to have happened to keep Tosh and Owen away from that episode. And when they died it was like “Oh yeah. They’re on the Titanic.” except it was “Oh yeah. They weren’t in Journey’s End.” Kind of the same thing happened with End of Time Part 2. I didn’t question why Jack was on his own and would be single and therefore interested in Alonso, but once I watched Day 5 I was like “Oh yeah. Jack’s on his own and single by End of Time part 2.”

Basically, my horrible memory spares me from spoiling myself sometimes. Funnily enough, I saw the ending of Journey’s End when it aired because my mom watched it. I remember asking her why there were 2 Doctors, but didn’t remember until I was watching the scene myself after starting the show from the beginning years later. And when I saw the scene where Donna was forced to forget the Doctor, I remember saying to mom “Wait, what? Why did she just introduce herself?” and mom saying “He took away her memories of him” and once again, I didn’t remember that I’d already seen the scene until it happened.

So yeah. Everything about Day 4 is way too real. Especially because of what’s been happening this week. I’m almost glad I had to wait 2 weeks to watch it because the fact that this is kind of happening right now made everything SO MUCH MORE PAINFUL. BECAUSE IT’S NOT FICTIONAL. WHY IS THE WORLD THIS WAY? WHY DID PEOPLE LET TRUMP WIN?

Ok. So that’s it for Day 4.

Oh my god. 5 years ago this week, I watched Torchwood for the first time. I forgot to commemorate my 5th anniversary... I had planned to, but was too busy. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I missed it. June 15-18th (maybe early morning of the 19th) was when I watched Torchwood for the first time. Over 3 very, very, VERY intense days.

Also, every single shoutout goes to Lois Habiba. She’s the MVP. Love her so much.

AND IS DEKKER OK?

Update: pressed post before watching the preview. Dekker’s ok! Which doesn’t make sense since he should have been exposed long before he put on the suit, but whatever! Also. I’m not emotionally ready for Day 5.

[chasiingfreedom-blog]

My Thoughts On The Last Jedi *spoilers ahead*

Ahead lies thoughts about TLJ that are 100% true to me. Obvious spoilers ahead!

If you don’t think too much while you watch this movie and just take it at face value like a casual watcher, it’s a decent movie. Things blow up, the good guys escape actual extinction; typical action movie. But if you do actually start to think deep about what is actually going on for 2.5+ hours with characters and storylines you’ve been invested in for seven (or eight including Rogue One) movies, the cracks are so much more apparent. Characters are OOC, actual canon stuff that happened in the last movie are conveniently ignored; it’s like a badly written fanfic.

I came in fearing one thing and realized I should have been afraid of everything else, stuff I didn’t even think I needed to worry about because you’d never think they’d fuck up so badly. Though I should’ve realized when Rian said there’d be no time skip that things were just gonna go downhill from there.

Don’t get me wrong, there were things I loved about the movie, and I’ll start with those positives first!

Positives

Poe got more screen time. How they used that time is a different topic, but he had so little scenes in TFA because he was supposed to die in the opening that I’m happy that it got upped in TLJ.

Let the record show, once and for all, that Leia is Force-sensitive. Can you believe that there are still people, to this day, that think that Leia isn’t Force-sensitive? I didn’t even know the Force could work like that, but anything that kept Leia from dying on that bridge is welcomed by me. I was screaming in my head for a long time about how they lied about saying Leia isn’t killed in The Last Jedi until she awoke and propelled herself back to what remained of the ship. Glad that part was true at least!

Holdo’s death was pretty epic. My mixed feelings on her aside, that scene where she jumped to lightspeed through the First Order ship literally silenced the full-capacity theatre I was in. Like, literally—there was no rustling of popcorn bags or whisperings. It was just utterly breathtaking.

Hux and Finn have a scene. I’ve heard a lot of discourse about Hux slapping Finn, and while I understand where they’re coming from, I didn’t think of it on that level. What I did think of is how people are honestly confused as to why Hux actually felt personally attacked enough by Finn to do it. The stormtrooper program is everything to Hux, and Finn is a living, breathing reminder of his failure, that Mr. Perfectionist isn’t all that perfect after all. Wasted potential of a storyline aside, I’m glad they were able to meet.

Luke Skywalker deserves his legend status. LUKE BRUSHED A SPECK OF DIRT OFF HIS SHOULDER AFTER MINUTES OF BEING SHOT UPON. LUKE DID THAT. THE ROOM I WAS IN CHEERED SO LOUDLY AT HIS BADASSERY. IT WAS FUCKING SPECTACULAR. Don’t try to ruin the moment by saying he wasn’t actually there. Just. Don’t.

Kylo Ren’s arc progressed. Honestly his plot line was the whole point of the movie. Everything else was literally, actually meaningless in its wake. People who wanted him to have a redemption arc got a teaser for it, and him ascending to be the main baddie of the trilogy has solidified (which was my favourite of the theories regarding him tbh). It’s weird though, because while I had always hoped he’d off Snoke I honestly didn’t think it’d be that easy. It was too easy, actually. Really anti-climatic. I was hoping for an epic battle but alas. We never even got to find out who Snoke was, his orgin.

Rey’s past is finally revealed. While this, too, was anti-climatic, I’m glad it was addressed (unlike Finn’s, cough cough). I get why they wanted Rey to have come from nothing, to have someone that wasn’t apart of such huge dynasties like being a Skywalker or a Kenobi. Just know that I still love and adore any and all origin headcanons any Rey RPers have <3

The FinnRey was on point. And there was some FinnPoe and FinnReyPoe action. Finn’s and Rey’s first thoughts were always of each other. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TRANSLATE WHAT CHEWIE SAID WHEN HE INTERRUPTED REY ABOUT WHAT TO SAY IF CHEWIE FOUND FINN FIRST? I NEED IT LIKE AIR. Even that look Rey had when she saw the Finn and Rose moment OH BE STILL MY HEART. Also that tracker became the new jacket thing that they shared. Rey had one, and Finn took the one Leia had and then passed it on the Poe like FUCK ME I LOVE THIS. And then POE AND REY FINALLY MEETING IN THE MOVIE? (I mean, in the novel they had met at the end of TFA but I digress.) IT WAS SO CUTE. FUCK. I lived for all the scenes Poe and Finn had together honestly, whew.

The Reylo wasn’t actually there. This was what I was most afraid of going into watching TLJ. I heard enough murmurings about it that I was dreading having to watch it. (I don’t care if you personally like it; it’s just not my cup of tea.) Like, I can see where the shippers would just take and run with what they were given, but I didn’t see anything romantic about their interaction despite how hard they were trying to make it be. I mean, Snoke was the one who forced their Force connection. I just saw two lonely, powerful people who were trying to find someone who understood what they were going through, like, platonically lol Plus, Rey didn’t even join him. That was another thing I was afraid of; Rey going dark. So I was overall pleased by this.

Negatives

Poe was so OOC (as well as 90% of the characters in the movie). Yes, Poe may be very good at blowing things up, made quite the career out of it, but if y’all are trying to help him see that that alone isn’t going to win wars and show him that he’s more than a flyboy maybe y’all shouldn’t be slapping him needlessly or be hypocrites and send him out to do the very thing you just reprimanded him for ten minutes later.

And yes, Poe may be reckless, but only with his own life, never with the lives of his friends and squad and Resistance members that he considers family. Never. Ever.

And yes, Poe had technically defied Leia before in TFA (but that was in the novelization only when he had stayed behind until he had eyes on the Falcon after Starkiller blew up and honestly in the eyes of TLJ he had never defied Leia) it was a) for a damn good reason and b) he had told his squad to leave without him and they chose not to.

So watching Poe defy Leia and risk an entire fleet of bombers to destroy one Destroyer was just painful to watch. Watching some no name newbie character take command over Poe when Leia was out of commission was painful to watch. Watching Poe being treated like he isn’t a brilliant commander and having ALL HIS PLANS FAIL was painful to watch. Fuck, watching Leia taser Poe like he was a fucking terrorist was painful to watch. Honestly I think the whole theatre was stunned when Leia did that, DAMN. It was just all very painful.

Finn is not a traitor, please get that straight. That whole Finn/Rose scene where Rose said Finn was a traitor for trying to escape and lead Rey away from danger like WHEN THE FUCK DID FINN JOIN THE RESISTANCE? DO Y’ALL THINK YOU OWN HIM BECAUSE YOU HEALED HIM? Honestly I didn’t think he was all in until he said he was rebel scum tbh. He admitted that he was only on the Starkiller mission to save Rey, just as he was when he tried to leave. He doesn’t owe anyone shit. Tasing him was so unnecessary.

There was no time skip. Other than being typical of Star Wars trilogy movies, it just would’ve made sense. Can you tell me how the first sentence of the opening crawl said the ‘First Order had won’ or something to that affect? LIKE DID WE WATCH THE SAME MOVIE OR WHAT?

And then somehow the FO had developed tracker tech and didn’t use the entire time they were fighting the Resistance until the Resistance was fleeing D’Qar, which apparently must’ve happened right after they sent Rey off to find Luke because haha Rey and Luke’s first meeting scene is happening concurrently with the rest of this shit. It doesn’t make any sense. Finn recovers so rapidly without any physical therapy (Kylo’s face I can understand because hey the FO has the tech for that advancement).

All of this would just make sense if there was a time skip. The Resistance flees D’Qar shortly after Rey leaves because the First Order knows what system they’re in and it’s only a matter of time before they find out which planet. In the mean time, the FO develops the tracker technology (and all those fancy Destroyer ships and hey when did the Resistance get bombers, why weren’t the used at Starkiller??). The Resistance finds out about from whom the FO gets their funding from and heads to Canto Bight, or hey after a run in with those damn destroyers they know they gotta take them down and the whole Maz-code breaker-Canto thing happens and boom that fight in Canto is where the tracker gets placed and boom the standoff in Crait and during all this they don’t do Luke dirty and Rey really trains and DOESN’T THIS ALL MAKE SO MUCH MORE SENSE?

They did Luke dirty (as well as Ben/Kylo’s origin story). Another victim of being terribly OOC. This man wouldn’t even consider killing his own father but hey, my nephew Ben is being seduced by the Dark Side and I can’t hope to save him even though I saved my father who was even more fargone than Ben so let’s consider killing Ben for a hot second before that becomes a problem thus driving Ben over the edge. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I’m gonna stick with Ben’s power just exploded, killing everyone, and in his fear he ran to Snoke. Oh, and they killed Luke off. Epic way to go, but still.

Out with the old, in with the new. Jessika, Snap and the rest of the squad from the first movie just mysteriously disappear in TLJ. In their wake we get Rose and Paige and Holdo, of which the latter two’s deaths really don’t impact us as much as they would have if, I don’t know, we knew about them before? Could y’all build up the characters you have instead of bringing in new even more underdeveloped ones?

Kylo Ren and Finn don’t meet. We got a Hux/Finn reunion, where was the Kylo/Finn one? This one actually makes more sense because, I don’t know, Kylo could name Finn by designation and wrecked a console upon hearing that BB-8 was with Finn and HEY HE FUCKING SCREAMED AT FINN FOR BEING A TRAITOR but nah, not one peep in TLJ. Makes sense. Not.

All that wasted storyline potential. Let’s be real here, folks. Everything that didn’t involve Kylo and Rey was utterly meaningless to the plot. Two-thirds of every fucking thing that happened in the movie meant nothing. Tons of people died for nothing and Poe and Finn and Rose got beaten and made to look like fools for nothing and this was really a 2.5+ hour filler movie to ascend Kylo into main antagonist.

Knowing that the people who help fund the First Order hang out in Canto Bight could’ve been huge.

Finn realizing that the same people who sold weapons to the First Order also sold to the Resistance could’ve been huge.

Kylo fighting Snoke could’ve been huge.

Finn returning to the First Order undercover could’ve been huge.

Finn returning to the First Order undercover and getting captured could’ve been huge.

A defecting stormtrooper piloting that machine instead of BB-8, as cool as that was, could’ve been huge.

Poe actually being groomed to become Leia’s successor could’ve been huge.

Finn’s force-sensitivity could’ve been huge. (PRY THAT FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS.)

The parallel between Poe willing to die for a cause and Finn finally finding a cause worth dying for could’ve been huge. (They both could stand to learn from Rose’s words to be honest.)

JUST. ALL. THE. POTENTIAL.

Luke and Leia deserved a real face to face meeting. I thought we had been blessed by a real reunion of the twins only to later find out Luke wasn’t really there. While I’m so glad we got something at all (that forehead touch fucking ENDED ME) I think we all deserved a real meeting. And now we’ll never get one.

There’s probably more for both sides that I’m missing that I’ll probably write as I think of them but I think I got most of it off my chest lmao If you made it this far, congratulations! I applaud you.

TL;DR: The movie had its good moments, but there were a lot of fundamentally wrong moments, too.

[lolana07]

Fear 3x13

I don’t know where to start on this episode there is just too much to say so apologies in advance for jumping all over the place but AHHH this has to be the best of the series so far. I’ve read multiple reviews online saying how this episode balances the zombies vs human aspects of the show and dammit! It does that so damn perfectly I can’t even I don’t know where to start! Okay, deep breath, here we go:

I’m going to get my more negative thoughts go first, so without further ado, WHAT THE ACTUAL FFFFRACK NICK AND MADISON! Half of me is so $%@#@%# happy Alicia is not with her mother anymore, the other half is like, Madison that’s your daughter. We all know you prioritized Nick over her, but seriously? You just, what gave her a hug and some provisions and just? Waved bye? And then fought Nick? Are you @#$#$%$@?!!? Okay I do have to say, thank goodness, she got to the bunker when she did…but that’s about it.

And Nick. Nick I hope you and ThatGuy pull a Thelma and Louise by seasons end. First you joke and tease your sister about Jake saying someone’s gotta protect him, then you cause his death (Don’t Even Come At Me!) and then you lie to her face about it to cover for ThatGuy? Go Float Yourself! And now you’re going to tail Alicia to make sure she’s safe? With ThatGuy?! Oh hellll no!

Anywho, on to more exciting thoughts :)

I sadly had very low expectations for this episode because I though Disaster Madison and Co. were only minutes away from the ranch and were going to devise some crazy plan to ‘save’ the ranchers along with He Who Must Not Be Named and Nick. So the first maybe 10 minutes I semi glossed by thinking Madison was going to burst in and bring along pandemonium. Then when Alicia mentioned less people more air, I completely forgot about everything outside the bunker and air vent, and the episode went to deliver amazingness is spades.

On talking dead they mentioned Alicia pulling out some AP Biology math skills and wow without a graphing calculator? Daaamn!!! But when she said fewer people less carbon dioxide, Ofelia’s face of recognition was on point. I just can’t even, but making that suggestion knowing that a guy in the ‘room/circle’ was bitten? I don’t know if Alicia really knew what she was getting into, not really. I’m not sure I really knew what she was getting into, that’s how enthralled? I was during my first watch. Up until the first..sacrifice? She was compartmentalizing the entire ordeal. Confidently asking people to come forward, clear voice eye contact, everything. Maybe it was shock from the past few hours outside, idk.

Ofelia said it last time as they walkers were flooding past the trailers, that the ranchers now listen to Alicia, and they will follow her. This episode completely cemented this, and then brutally ripped it away without mercy, and it was gorgeous. One of her first scenes is handing out water and putting her own panic on the backburner, and looking at the larger picture.

There are multiple references to other shows that could be made, but having seen the ‘come forward’ scene in the previews, I thought there was going to be a riot and someone was going to die and through the riot, they reanimated and that’s how the zombies got in. But noooooope! I shouldn’t have been surprised, but due to my low expectations for the episode still lingering….then the ranchers started giving themselves up, and dammit that’s probably when I started getting emotional. That one Nation man who stood up with that look of I don’t even know on his face? How can you not get emotional over that expression? But then later onnn, ughhh!

Ofelia and Alicia’s hug bye and then Ofelia glancing behind, ahh! That got me too! Last episode was bad enough, thinking all three weren’t going to make it, but now thinking that again? I’ve said it before but I am loving these two working together these past few episodes, and I’m so upset they are separated, so upset. The fangirl in my wishes Ofelia was able to go with her but oh well.

I understand why the bunker may have medicine, but why so much morphine? Morphine is Intense, so what was it doing in there? Such you may need some, but boxes of it? And what is Christine doing with the bitten? If she was doomed from the start, she would have been done by the time the air started knocking them out..? This whole morphine scene was gorgeous in the most dark and impossible ways. Yes a main character is leading the scene, but for me it was the extras, or the background characters who just hit this scene out of the park. Their reactions and faces and trying to give themselves a way out….damn! Just wow, Alycia took a backseat in this one, and it was perfect.

This is also where the episode gets harder to talk about because part of me tries to think, what if that were me? In either position? Would I be selfless enough to give myself up? Would I be able to let a loved one go who was bitten? Would I be okay knowing what would happen to me? Would I be able to do what Alicia did?

I do wonder why Christine didn’t help Alicia actually…do it. She gave her a pep talk (which oddly was like Madison saying Alicia you’re always the strong one), gave her knife back, and .. until later, that’s it. Their talk though was perfection. She made up for her Madison-esque pep talk tenfold and told Alicia to never make decisions based on fear, and damn I need to come back to this character/discussion again later! Both ladies delivered their lines perfectly, the lady who played Christine almost stole the spotlight from Alycia, and Alicia telling her story about camp and Nick and the song, and then the song coming back later….I may not hear that song the same way again. And not just bc its real-world contexts. But WOW speaking of acting! I mean this entire episode the acting I just can’t even, you can tell everyone put in their 200% on this, and it shows in every sequence in that bunker and air vent. Like I said Christine almost stole the scene, and the background characters just sold the dire situation and sold the emotion. If any of them had given less than they had, I think the episode would have failed. But it was perfect. Alycia’s this land is your land camp monologue was gorgeous and heartbreaking and just encompassed everything that character I built on. I hope she gets recognition for this one. Its amazing.

Question: When Alicia took care of the first guy, from the beginning who she noticed was bitten, and helped her through it all, he kept saying he was sorry for everything he had done. And I don’t know what he is referring to. I thought he was new to this episode, what am I forgetting? Was he one of Troy’s?

Ofelia Interlude:

I completely forgot Ofelia and Crazy Dog were in the vents. Completely. I also thought in the preview/trailer, Crazy Dog was being attacked, so I thought he was done before the episode even started. And just another surprise was this really touching and raw moment between him and Ofelia, who we have seen work together and then I thought they were going to die last episode and just sdfsdfsdfsf I can’t!

It’s All Downhill From Here:

I will say, as many have, one of the episodes few flaws is that Alicia, out all Everyone in the bunker, was the only person to survive. . . . . . .  . . .. ??? What? No even one more? ……….. What?

Other than that, the rest of the bunker balances the human aspect of the show with the zombie aspect perfectly. I was so engrossed in the acting and story that it never occurred to me what it meant if someone died because of lack of air while in the bunker. I guess I forgot that the ‘disease’ is airborne, so I didn’t even think about the suffocated reanimating, because I was like, oh no air then you can’t move obviously….. Until Alicia woke up that second time and I remembered zombies don’t need air.

Okay this is reaching, but part of Alicia’s second awakening reminded me of Rose on the door in titanic…I know that’s bonkers but something about her singing the song and the fuzziness of the first few seconds just had me for a sec. Then the zombie rancher woke up! The scene of Alicia knocked out and the zombies getting up though!!!! Very chilling!

Ofelia Interlude No. 2:

Okay I’m a broken record but I thought they were going to die again and part of me ughh wishes one of them did! I am glad that they showed Ofelia being affected by the gunshot close to her ear though.

While it was greatttt seeing Alicia fight off the zombies and get Christine into the locker, it’s also heartbreaking because literally all her hard work of protecting the ranch and trying to find water and merge the groups together and killing the bitten to save air for the others to live was completely worthless in the end. She’s taking out everyone she fought so hard to save, and she couldn’t even save Christine in the end. I like how Jake teaching her about arming up helped her here, so it wasn’t unbelievable that she was able to shoot them down. I also have to hand it to the music dept here too, it’s just greattt. Then Madison shows up.

And that’s where the episode ends!!! (Actually no Ofelia finding out about Daniel, @%#$%#%$!!!) Haha, ugh. I was posting as I watched and I was so amazed by this episode I prematurely was like it can do no wrong it’s amazing I love it! And it’s at this part of the review you can go up top and see what it thought of the last few minutes.

 Thanks for reading!! Next week looks great but I won’t get my hopes too far up

@zombiechels @thedoctor-smith @3coffeecups @viguaquis @adistantstarblog 

[shiny-craboo-blog]

@rockformed​ replied to your post : i keep goin away for a long time but theres a good...

what asshole?? 👀👀👀👀👀

WHOOO lemme tell you this is a long one (sorry about any spelling errors i was tryna get this done quickly)

it was actually that guy that we played overwatch with together once.

ive known him since about december, but he was saying lots of homophobic and racist shit, so i was like eh might as well try to make him a better person, but to do that, you gotta get close, and i started liking him (literally @ past me why?????)

so i flirt a little here, giggle a little there, and he falls in love with me. i liked him too, but he liked me to a point where it was obsessive. he was telling me i saved his life and that out of everyone on earth im his favorite. i come out to him as trans one day, and after a lot of thinking, he was like “okay yeah im okay with this” and i was happy

however, like i said, he was really obsessive. he wouldnt let me play games with anyone else unless he was there, and when i tried to watch a show with one of our mutual friends, he gets all upset about it.

eventally, even though he liked me, he started being a real ass. i told him that i didnt really like him anymore and that i wanted to stay friends, and he turned it into this huge fight and ended it with “Forget it... Good night.” - and he used that phrase every (and “goodbye”) every time he wanted a conversation to sound final or like he was going to die if i didnt give him all my attention right then and there.

the fighting continued for a few months, during which he called me a sociopath, narcissistic, not worthy off being called a human being, and all that typa stuff. he started feeling suicidal - even though he felt that way before i met him, he started feeling it stronger because he didnt have me constantly fawning over him to ease it out - and he straight up told me that he blamed me for his feelings.

the fights got reaaalllll bad, and eventually he had a set day and time, and every time i said i was going to call his mom about it, he got really defensive and acted like i was attacking him, saying “dont test me” and shit

he became really emotionally manipulative and just flat out malicious tbh

the day came around and i blocked him because i didnt want to hear about it, and he started yet another fight. he didnt do anything though because half an hour later he came crawling back saying that he needed someone to talk to and that he had this whole change of heart and that he realized what his friends were worth and how he acted really shitty and that he was sorry

but he didnt change his behavior at all lmao

he kept arguing with me, so i started just. not joining as much and not talking to him as often and he got really pissy, asking me if i was talking to other people and accusing me of talking with this guy who he hates (the guy he hates left to make another server with all the people this guy was an asshole to so they could have a place where he wasnt there being a dick and the guy im telling you about acts like the victim whenever he talks about it like?? literally if u were a better friend they wouldnt have felt the need to?) (and i totally was talking to the guy bc the enemy of your enemy is your friend and all that) but he was a real ass about it. 

and saturday!! this saturday!!! he was an ass the moment i joined the call so i left and he got mad saying like “you know how i get upset when you leave the call” and i was like “i just??? dont wanna be there if ur gonna be mean to me the moment i join??” and he said

THIS BITCH

said

“its a guy thing to be mean to your friends. but i guess you wouldn’t know about that ;)”

so i blocked him. he texts me saying that hes been mean because his dads been on his back about college, and i said it wasnt an excuse. a few minutes later, someone from the server messages me sayin that nick said if i dont unblock him hes gonna ban me. so i unblocked him and asked for a reason why i should stay. this bitch. this ass. says “because i thought we were friends” LIKE BIIIIIIITCH PLEAAAAAAASE YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WE AINT

anyway we fought for 3 hours and rather than giving me any good reasons to stay he called me stupid and said i misinterpreted the message like?? how else am i supposed to interpret it????????

so im staying, making him fall in love with me again, then leaving.

bonus: i made a list of the highlights of some of the shit things hes said to me

"Forget it... good night." "i used to trust everyone then the thing happened with my cousin so i stopped sharing myself or exposing myself. then i did over the years with kii then she backstabbed me. then ness and it happened again. i didnt trust anyone and still wasnt ok with sharing myself. then u stepped in and made me feel happy and wanted and like i could trust people. then you said you loved me like you did. i opened up and pursued and got lead on for 15 hours a day for a month up until i got enough courage to try to stand and speak open heartedly and with courage and the next day you lose all interest." "you know what? you obviously dont like me anymore. im over it you win. im done chasing. the goalposts always change. its over." "i cant stop chasing you. you are literally my favorite person on earth." "im doing this once a day from now on. wanna go out" "1 reason i got on ow. *1 reason i got on ow off my psych. guess it doesnt matter to you." “For the record the reason im mad all the time is because im fucking pissed at you but cant take it out for some reason.” “reason im so shit ight now is caught i thought i was at rock bottom and you took me up the mountain just to fling me off. forget it. good night." "youre still online. just gonna pretend im not here?" "hope this doesnt wake you up but sorry for being a cunt." "i still want to die haha. life sucks" "im sorry." me: you purposely did something to make me mad and then get upset when i get mad "im hald zoned in rn im getting killed by bad vibes but im not gonna make you mad ever again." "why did you fool me. i fight with you a lot now and its because of what you did to me and how ive lost my sense of self and all emotions because of you. but then i remember this is just how i usually am and being happy is what people are supposed to be like and im not so this is normal and only my fault so. i forgot where i was going with this but take care friend." "if it was the concept thing then why do i still love you." "i get upset because i have to actively avoid falling for you." "im only angry and mean to you because i dont understand my emotions." "im gonna kill myself saturday at 7:32 pm" (<<<this was two weeks ago hes fine now) "im not gonna do it i just want attention" "to keep it 100 i just said that so you wouldnt call anyone." "dont test me" "eat shit" "if youre trying to make me unfriend you its working" "actual human beings dont pull that bullshit. they suck it up and stick to their word or break the news to the other and dont drag them along." me: every humans a human regardless of whether or not they feel "theyre a human. not an actual human. theyre a human but not worthy of being called one." "in 3 months you managed to fuck with my emotions and make me want to kill myself more than kii did in 3 years." "i think this is the last conversation were gonna have. if you got anything important to say speak now or forever hold your peace. alright youre in overwatch and missed your chance." "have fun with your game hope its worth losing me over."

me: im going to call your mom and tell her right now "and say what? 'im a bad friend and now nick wont talk to me?'"

me: no. 'nicks planning on killing himself.' "and ill just say its someone im amd at trying to get revenge on me" "im not convinced that its not a whole thing made specifically to drive me to suicide." "in queue rather than fixing problems. typical. goodbye, asshole." "what if by trying to stop the outcome u saw you just pushed me away from one of the only people i trusted and now im on a path that ends in my inevitable self destruction." "no thats the depression but i am saying u took away what made me happy." "forget it, ill catch you later. apparently no goodbyes either lol." "bye oats." "the only thing you will ever love besides yourself is overwatch. bye." "are you there i just got back and i really need someone." "beause youre the middle man i guess and it was a test of allegiance i think in my mind." "idk i just feel like not many people actually like me deep down and its a shit thing of me to put that on others." "hows ness doing" "because im done walking on eggshells for you, snowflake. "its a guy thing to be a dick to your friends. guess u wouldnt understand ;)" "sorry for being a jerk. dad has been riding me all week and im mad all the time." "maybe you would get it if your dad ever punched you or woke you up by throwing shit at you." (i know for a fact his dad doesnt do this. there was a whole week where we were in a call 24/7 to see how long we could get one to last and his dad brings him dinner and plays xbox in the same room sometimes. i get that from an outside perspective this may seem mean to overlook, but if you knew this guy, you wouldnt put it past him to lie about shit like this just for attention.) "youre being such a baby over this. its not a big deal, its an argument." "considering you didnt write it id consider it awful stupid of you to think you can interpret it better than the author." "you dont know me"

[wasabi-duck]

reverse idol jungkook

i always write for jungkook and yoongi but lmao i like writing for them the best so here we go…

anyway im offended nobody wants to talk about the ketchup song, i bet jungkook wouldn’t play me like that

okay so this is a reverse idol au wow

which means that you’re an idol, wow, surprise

i think for all of them it would be fun to do different kind of groups but idk for this one im going with the flow

im debating whether to make everyone in a kpop group because i mean most of us probably don’t live in korea so like…

you’re in a pop group though, we can start there!! your group isn’t like super popular, but you just released a single that topped a lot of charts and so now you’re getting a lot of positive attention and a wave of new fans!!

jungkook has been a fan from the beginning though wow surprise…

he was probably the fan that got hooked back in the predebut days (so are you kpop??) and he was the one that made shitty gifs on his moms desktop and uploaded the to the good old tumblr

from the beginning you were his fave tho like there is no denying that

you had a certain charm about you, and you always seemed so pure and innocent and you always were so open with your other members

like throughout all your mini video diary updates, you were always the one making sure everyone in the group got adequate speaking time and got to talk!!

and you’re always helping the other members when they’re struggling with a dance move or with some lyrics, like it’s so obvious that you’re the one who makes sure the rest of your members feel comfortable with what they’re doing??

yah that’s you and wow jungkook has the hots for you

just like my dad thinks winwin is hotter than flames smh

your group at this point, maybe like, you’re just coming up to your year mark??

and jungkook has been loyal all 365 days of this year and he’s like

he makes a cake??

he like makes this cake and it looks awful and later yoongi chokes on it and has to go to patient first lmao yikes

but like he gets so excited about you guys hitting your year anniversary that he bakes this cake with lots of icing and twenty times more sprinkles than that right??

and he puts like happy 1 year in really crappy writing on the top with some icing and he puts whip cream on too it looks wild to say the least

and then he puts some candles on for like the birthday of your group wow

not like i do that or anything when my bias has a birthday,,, haha,,,

okay but he uploads a picture of the cake to twitter and tags you guys or whatever idk how twitter works, im stupid

but like a lot of other fans start retweeting it or something because while comical, the gesture is really cute and sweet and kind of touching??

jung-

when did i stop saying jeongguk did i say this already

anyway jungkook gets all flushed because wow there are a lot of people talking about his cake

and guess what guys

guess what the heck what

you of all people retweet the tweet and you add a comment like “omg this is the cutest thing, thank you so much sweetheart!!”

and jungkook checks his twitter

and he just kinda

he screams and he kinda doesn’t mean to but he throws his phone and he’s shrieking and his mom comes down like boy i will beat you with a candle if you don’t shut up and his brother records his meltdown

he calls jimin and tae and the three of them scream and cry together omg like tae and jimin are the hypemen while jungkook has a come apart

he probably is one of those people that walks when he’s excited so he’s on the phone doing laps around the house and his lil puppy is trailing along all excitedly

after three hours of talking to the boys (i remember when i used to talk on the phone for three hours omg) he heads up to his room

where he promptly goes to his shrine of your group and like cries over it and hugs all three of your mini albums to his chest

he probably has like seven posters of you omg can you imagine

he would be the one to get shy when like he changes and all the posters are staring at him or something…

oh his mom probably would like come in his room all the time and if your clothes were too tight or something, his mom would cover your poster in sticky notes and jungkook would be like “mom plz you don’t understand it’s a looK”

jungkook omg also we all know my boy can draw right

he would be one of the crazy good fanartists that posts his drawings of the group (but mostly you)

and after the cake incident, his work and art gets so much more attention like he becomes a fairly popular fanartist for your group

for his birthday btw, yoongi and hoseok come together to write the worst, most cliche, cringy reader insert fanfic of you for him and he keeps it under his pillow every night

okay but also after the cake incident, you kinda sorta stalked his twitter account and you flipped out over how amazing his artwork is and all your group members crack up because you can spend hours just checking out his account and trying to somehow low key print pictures of the art

im watching a documentary in spanish yikes sorry im distracted

okay anyway your group

your group announces like a special one year anniversary meet and greet to thank the fans who have supported you guys for this time and all

jungkook is in school when he gets the notification on twitter and he loses it in class like the world is caving in around him and his teacher sent him down to the principals office because he was causing controversy

oh btw his binders at school are probably cute collages of your group thanks bye everyone

okay anyway

tbh probably tells the principal about the meet and greet

and the principal just kinda “okay…”

jungkook goes home that day and he is on cloud nine right this boy is having the time of his life like his heart has never felt lighter and he has never felt more alive in his life

he practically skips home from school (like winwin did when they played duck duck goose someone hold me)

and he bursts through the door and the smile on his face is so wide and so bright that his brother goes and gets some sunglasses

and he’s like “mom, dad, guess what! they’re having a meet and greeT”

his parents kinda exchange looks and they’re kinda !!

“well how much is it honey?”

and jungkook’s smile falters because he knows that guess what, his family doesn��t really have that kind of money right now, and the only way that he managed to get all his albums and posters was because he’s been saving up birthday and new year’s money and all

and he keeps that same smile on his face because jungkook doesn’t share his emotions and jungkook doesn’t let people know how he’s really feeling and he doesn’t want his family to know that the air has literally been stolen from his lungs

he just kinda shrugs and his voice is all quiet and he’s like “oh… it’s nothing important, i shouldn’t have mentioned it. sorry.”

he heads upstairs before he starts crying because jungkook like really got his hopes up??

and your music really speaks to him and he’s kind of developed this emotional dependence on your group and you guys never fail to make him smile and you always get him up when he’s feeling down and he just wishes that maybe he could somehow tell you all how important you are to him and how much you’ve done for him through your music and all!!

he goes upstairs and he locks himself in the room he shares with his bro and he just cries into his pillow

it’s the weekend right and that next morning he doesn’t get out of bed and he doesn’t leave his room

he won’t even open his phone up because he doesn’t wanna see everyone talking about the meet and greet he can’t go to

he’s not mad at his parents or anything, he’s just defeated like he’s loved you (guys) from before day one and now the chance to express that is slipping through his fingers

boy howdy someone is not happy with this

it’s min yoongi

surprise

he’s like i cannot not let my love,,, i cannot let this happen

like jungkook had called jimin and tae eventually and cried to them and they immediately told the other boys

and yoongi was like oh heck no my baby gets what he wants

imagine the kermit meme but with yoongi

yoongi: i gotta show the boys im cool and poised and don’t give a shit

yoongi to yoongi: buy jungkook meet and greet tickets

tbh he totally plans on doing it

like he researches it all and he figures out when they’re going on sale and that night (it’s like a week after the entire meltdown), the boys wanna go out to the karaoke bar or something

and yoongi is like i’m at work

and namjoon is like wth you’re laying on our couch

and yoongi is like “did i stutter kim namjoon do you want me to shove a hairbrush down your throat when you’re sleeping”

i just burnt my peanut butter toast and i wanna die tbh anyway

yoongi gets them, surprise!! well one for jungkook but like you get it

and he’s so proud of himself he is like i am the best in the world all hail min yoongi, king of spoiling his friends

he wants to wait to give them to jungkook but he cannot hold the excitement in so one day he just kinda heads over to jungkook’s house and traipses on in and jungkook is doing his calculus homework or something

and yoongi just shoves the ticket in his face and jungkook blinks and then he slowly realizes what’s up and he stares at yoongi then bursts into happy tears

fudge you two havent even met

okay so the day of the event jungkook probably wears a bias shirt with your name on it and he is alive okay like he brings his albums and his drawings of you to give to you because lil bun wants to like impress you??

he probably writes a note to you as well talking about how happy you make him and he’s like wait that’s creepy but jin is like no my child, no it is perfect and beautiful just like you and then he kisses jungkook’s head

the boys wait outside the event and they all have matching bomber jackets and sunglasses to be the jungkook protection squad

jungkook dies when he gets in there right

like there’s so much noise and chattering and people and he’s so uncomfortable and stressed tbh and he doesn’t feel good like he starts to panic

what if he like embarrasses himself?? what if he makes a fool of himself in front of you?? what if he like passes out or something or like gleeks oN YOU OMG

he’s like dying in line but he can’t help but keep checking you out the entire time and you are even more gorgeous in person and you aren’t even up close and personal yet…

he feels like he’s gonna die but the boys keep texting him reassuring messages and all he starts to calm down

he’s gripping everything so tight his knuckles go white

omg his turn though

he talks to all the members because you are at the end and all

and he’s like so shy and flustered but he manages to talk to them and explain how h’es been a fan from the beginning of time and he talks about all the best songs on the album and his fave choreos!! and he’s so cute and his face is all red and bright and he’s so !!!

okay i have a spanish benchmark so i should be going but

he finally gets to you and he’s like wow time to kms

he can’t even breathe like you are five inches away from him, in the living flesh, smiling like an angel and -

he kinda plops his albums down on the table and he can’t break eye contact with you to save his life and you just kinda laugh and smile wider because he’s so cute and you’re so flattered that like wow look at this cute fan??

but then he slips the drawings your way and he’s rambling on about how cool you are and how you’ve really inspired him to try new choreography and all and how he thinks you’re the most angelic person and all this other stuff

and you’re like !!

and your heart is racing because most fans are like wow you’re so attractive i love you but he’s going in depth about like you as a person and that’s so touching??

all your band mates keep glancing at you guys like suspiciously

you notice the drawings and you’re like wth is tHIS i HAVe SeeN thEsE

“you’re the birthday cake boy omg!!”

jungkook’s eyes widen and his jaw drops because you just admitted you’ve been stalking his twitter and you immediately cover your mouth with your hands and you’re like wth is this,,, i wanna die… what

jungkook just blushes and nods and smiles that cute bunny smile and your heart melts because he’s so cute and sweet and wow this isn’t very good

security isn’t feeling it though and they’re ushering you on so you quickly do like

the idol grab hands thing and you interlace your fingers and smile down at him

“im really glad i met you”

and he’s about to #die because you are like talking about meeting hIM

and you sign his albums real fast and wink before security ushers him on

but then you’re like “wait, i never got your name!”

and he just “jungkook!!”

“I hope to see you again jungkook!!”

you wave and he’s pushed off by security

the boys are in the parking lot and they’re like wth man how did it go and jungkook has the thousand yard stare

jimin shakes his shoulders and tae starts yelling and yoongi is like time to throw down??

but jungkook gets this loopy smile and he’s like “wow i am in loVE. love love. like actual love. like marriage love”

namjoon rolls his eyes and jin is like “young mAN YOU ARE TOO YOUNG”

but tae and jimin are poking through his albums and stuff and tae screams and everyone looks at him and he kinda

“man look at this!!”

in the back of the album is “hey cutie, i think i wanna get to know you more. shit, that sounds weird. i guess im saying, hot chocolate your speed?”

and then this is totally against idol code but im making this au so um

it’s your number and a cute smiley face and heart and jungkook passes out on the sidewalk

and guess what you do get hot chocolate after that

and jungkook is all nervous and embarrassed and he hides behind his face half the time and you think it’s cute…

and you guys text all the time?? like always??

you leak him lyrics and dance vids all the time and he’s like my hero…

you two hang out whenever your schedule permits but he still gets super shy whenever the other members of your group are over omg

they always tease you two as like scandalous and all but you really like jungkook!!

you like him enough to dedicate,,, a love song to him,,, on your first full album,,,

and like one day your group is on a talk show and the host is like so anyone, how about those relationships,,,

and you’re like well my boyfriend and i are-

and you’re like oH SHIT

and the boys are huddled around jungkook’s laptop, watching, and jungkook’s heart shatters because you have a boyfriend… since when…

and yoongi is like pal,,, buddy,,, amigo,,, it’s yOU

you guys officially get together in the dance studio really cheesy with help from your group mates and it’s so nice and wonderful and you guys always kiss and cuddle when you’re supposed to be rehearsing oops,,,

[canaryatlaw]

Okay it's late and I have to wake up at 6:40 so let's get this thing going. I woke up some time around 6 and my apartment was literally freezing. I check the thermostat and the temperature was already pushed up to like 75 or so so there was like nothing I could do, so I just went back to sleep and by the time my alarm went off at 11 it was fairly warm. I texted my roommate about it and she said the issue is the furnace is having trouble kicking on or something so when it gets down to a temperature that would kick it on it just doesn't turn on and it just continues getting cold. Lovely part of living in an old building, but hopefully we have it working better now. I just hate being cold, lol. But once I woke up again I started getting ready to head down to school for class. Walked to the train and it was fine, train to school and got there at like 12:40 for my 1 o clock class, and there's like nobody in the room. Am I in the right room...? Generally the first week of class everyone is here like at least twenty minutes early....but I checked online and it was the right room, so I sat down and pretty soon people started trickling in so I felt better. There were about 12 of us I think, that's generally where the larc III classes cap off. Ah yes, back to larc. Quick refresher, larc is my schools acronym for what's basically legal writing (it's "legal analysis, research, and communication," but it's legal writing) and I got a semester off of it because for second year they have the first half of the alphabet take it in the fall semester and the second in the spring (and my last name starts with M, which initially was the cut off for the fall, but then got bumped to spring). So I wasn't too thrilled about starting it up again, but you gotta do whatcha gotta do. The prof seems cool, she's an adjunct who works at one of the downtown firms. The actual class period was like, insanely boring because it was about researching for administrative regulations, which is as boring as it sounds like it would be. I mean she couldn't really do much writing wise until after we give her our first assignment, so she had to fill it with something. The first assignment is due in two weeks, just the argument section of a trial brief, 1750 word limit, so not bad. What will be fun from here is trying to figure out what exactly she wants as compared to what my larc prof from last year wanted. It's strange like, there's my concept of legal writing that I do on memos and finals (apparently well enough to get me A's and school boards to change their decisions) but then there's what you do for larc, which is basically an entirely different concept. It's difficult to explain like this, but it's just very very technical and requires extremely specific pieces in order to work right. So that should be interesting at least. I did pull an A in my last semester of larc, so that is encouraging (I mean, I worked my ass off for it, but I did get it). She let us out like 15 minutes early, so that was nice. Headed back home, where I pretty immediately started on laundry because that really needed to get done. Put a load in, then relaxed for a little while while also getting a bunch of little things done. I also decided to make this recipe I saw a few days ago for banana blueberry muffins that looked good, so I did that and they turned out very nice. Watched the latest episode of frequency, which I still need to set to record on my TiVo so I don't forget about it, lol. I'm glad it worked out that Raimy is *not* being charged with first degree murder for obvious reasons, although I have serious doubts of whether in that situation that actually would've happened. I'm also glad Frank didn't get busted with a guy in his trunk hahaha so that's good. It's interesting to see where they'll go from here, because it's almost as if by everything they've done to try and stop their mom/wife from getting killed has actually put her on the guy's radar all the more, and given him more motivation to target her, which is very scary because this douche is fucking terrifying man and I really hope they get him soon. I mean of course they won't really be able to take him down until the season finale, because television, but you know what I mean. I'm enjoying the show though. After that I didn't have anything else to catch up on so I switched to daredevil season 2 again, which saw the so called downfall of the punisher and then the arrival of Electra. I find the punisher to be such an intriguing character, and I almost wish they dug into his story more than they really do, because there's just so much there that they could've worked with. I mean I'm rewatching it because I know I missed a lot the first time around so maybe they will get into it more, but I remember being disappointed in their story of his trial (though that was probably more from a legal perspective) and how unhappy I was that Matt essentially abandoned being a lawyer this season because I need my lawyer superheroes, okay? (Don't talk to me about Laurel.) I'm liking that though. I have always liked Electra, but mainly from a superficial perspective because I never really dug into her story (most of my actual comic knowledge is DC, not marvel) I just knew about her as a character and liked how kick ass she was, and I definitely went to a superhero party dressed at her (which was like, a red shirt, a short red skirt, and red leggings) when I was like, 16 lol. So that was good. I basically just chilled out and did that for a while, which was nice to just relax and get some stuff on my to do list done. Around 9:30ish I started getting ready to go out for the party I was invited to. It was a birthday party for my summer job friend and another one of her friends who I'm friendly with, just at her apartment. So I ubered there because it was a Friday night and it was already 10 o clock, and there wasn't a simple public transport route there, and it was cold lol. But got there and started talking to some guys from classes, and talked about school because we're dorks like that and what else where we gonna talk about? Lol. It was pretty basic, didn't really do anything besides stand around and talk to different people while everyone else got sloshed and I drank coke lol. It was good though, talked to some different people. I ended up taking to two guys for a little while that were, for lack of a better term, quite stupid, which of course was...interesting. And they later like came back over to talk to me specifically and I was like.....okay haha I'm gonna go over here now. Sigh. I talked to a girl from my trial ad group for a little though and that was good, then various friends for a little, and some 1L's, just the usual about surviving first semester and what to expect post-finals and going forward. It's strange because I've met like, no 1L's this year besides my mentees haha so I felt like I should talk to them a bit. And yeah, that was pretty much it. Pleasant enough, as much as a party can be when you're pretty much the only sober person there. I left at like quarter to 1, because they were moving out to a bar then and there's not much point going to a bar when you can't drink, lol. I made plans with my spring break friend to meet up with her in the morning to drive to the donate a day that pad is co-sponsoring, so hopefully she won't be too hungover lol. Took an uber home for obvious reasons, and had a very nice conversation with the driver about the world and politics and everything, and then about my work and fostering, and she was saying that she had considered being a foster parent but didn't because she thought giving them back would be too hard, and I said that yes it absolutely will be hard, but we so need good people that are willing to make hard decisions like that for these kids that need to be loved even if you have to give them back, and she seemed to really take to that and said she was really going to reconsider it now, so that made me quite happy to hear. Got home and basically got ready for bed, and here we are, gotta be up in a little more than 4 hours to go volunteer to do something with some kids (I don't even really know what we're doing, something about an MLK Jr. peace rally, whatever that means, but it sounds like something our world could use about now) so that should be interesting, and I'm gonna get some sleep now. Goodnight peeps. Happy weekend.

[la-appel-du-vide]

09•20•18 - 09•23•18

Vegassss the SEQUEL baby!

Two weekends in Vegas in a row is FINE by me. (: This week's event? iHeartRadio! ❤️ After last year, we knew it would be a fun tradition. This time, it was me, Beach and Kena.

Kena and I headed down on Thursday night. Beach had to stay home for work until Saturday. It was Kena and I's first road trip in a while, but we fell right back into the swing of things. Between talking and singing along to all of the throwbacks, time flew by. We made it to St. George in record time, and then got caught up in 45 minutes at McDonald's waiting for subpar fries. Regrets, but also so funny. 😂

We made it to Lisa's around midnight, and headed to bed. (Side-note: Lisa's guest bed has the most amazing comforter. 😍 It's like sleeping on a cloud. I want one so bad. It's my favorite part of staying at her house!) On Friday, we got up and ready, and went over to the Neon Boneyard. I always try to do something new in Vegas every time I go, and this was the big one this trip. The Neon Boneyard is a a place where any old Vegas signs from the Strip go when they are retired. It was so cool to see all the old signs and lights. And it made for some amazing photos as well. The only issue was the 102 degree weather! ☀️☀️ We had to keep taking breaks from the unforgiving sun by hanging out in the adorable gift shop. I would definitely recommend this place.

After the Neon Boneyard, we stopped by the Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas sign to take our traditional photos. Then we made yet another stop at the Seven Magic Mountains. (Kena's never seen them, but at this point, I've been like 10 times hahaha.) She also loved them, of course. We even took some photos of me sitting on her shoulders, and I'm just wildly impressed by her ability to stand up with me sitting on her! She got claps from strangers around us haha.

Then we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and did some shopping. Such a perfect day in one of my favorite cities. 

On Saturday, we got up and got ready for the music festival. We went to pick up Brady from the airport, and she told us that she had forgotten her ticket for the concert. She kills me haha, I had texted her to remind her, but also had told Kena that I was 98% sure she would forget it anyway. I should have gone to pick it up from her house beforehand. So poor Beach had to sit for seven hours waiting for us, because she couldn't get in. Life lesson - If you're going to a concert, remember your ticket!

The concert was moved to a different location this year, given the tragedy that took place a year ago at the original location. This one had zero shade, so that was rough. The nice part was, there weren't as many people here this year. We had a lot of space to go in and out, and didn't feel as much pressure to keep our spot at the front. I didn't know as many of the artists this year, but I was still excited.

Highlights were 5 Seconds of Summer, Dua Lipa, Bazzi, Logic, and Dustin Lynch. Dua Lipa was probably my favorite though. The girl is SASSY. Watching her perform was so fun. She really put on a show, and gave off great vibes. I liked her stuff before, but I'm a big fan now.

This may be the literal hottest I've ever been though. We were just standing in the sun, with no protection. It was over 100 degrees. We were surrounded by people. I was honestly pouring sweat. It was disgusting haha. When artists came on-stage that we weren't interested in, we would walk back to a little patch of shade a ways off, and just try to cool down for a few minutes. Taking breaks also made it so that my back and feet didn't suffer like they did last year.  

The worst thing that happened to me that day: During one of our shade breaks, I looked up and noticed a woman I was pretty sure was Brandi Cyrus literally 10-feet away from us. I pointed her out to Kena, and we were both pretty certain that it was her. She was wearing sunglasses, but it looked just like her and she was in an outfit I was sure she'd wear. I second-guessed, and didn't go up to her for fear of it being just a random stranger. Well, she walked away, and I later saw on her Instagram, a post of her at the concert IN THAT OUTFIT. IT WAS LITERALLY BRANDI CYRUS 10 FEET FROM ME, AND I DIDN'T GET A PICTURE?!?? ARE YOU KIDDING. I'm so upset. How did I miss my opportunity to talk to a Cyrus. I'm crushed. I tweeted about how sad I was, and she actually tweeted me back, so I guess that's cool. Anyway, it's still too soon to talk about this. 😭😭😭

After the concert, we went to meet Beach and go get dinner. (Poor girl, I feel so bad she had such a boring day.) Then Beach really wanted to try her hand at gambling. So we went to the Bellagio, and she played one round of blackjack. She lost, but it was fun to watch haha. Now she wants to go to Wendover, and play on some cheaper tables. We did all get to play some slot machines though. We had no idea what we were doing. But we each ended up getting the chance to cash out for like $0.25. Wooooooo, big winners. (; 🎰🎰🎰

On Sunday, we went to the other Las Vegas waterpark, Wet N Wild. We needed a day of relaxation after the stress our bodies went through at the concert. The water felt AMAZING. They had this one slide called the Rattler, and it was a blast. All three of us got to sit in a raft, and we'd go down these big hills into these spheres, and just get constantly soaked. We laughed the whole time and loved it. There were a lot of fun slides! And again, hardly any people were there. We also loved lounging in the lazy river, and just relaxing. I'm obsessed with the water and summer and whyyyyyy does it have to get cold.

I could have stayed there all day long. Kena was a little stressed about getting home early enough to get sleep before work, so we ended up leaving at about 3:30. We made record time getting home as well - girl is SPEEDY and it's impressive hahaha. It was a pretty easy ride home. (:

Missing Vegas already this week.... The city is a party and a half. You just gotta know how to do it right (;

Also quotes to remember:

"I'm Logic, and I represent one thing: peace, love and positivity.""That's 3 things..."

*at Kate Spade*"I LOVE THAT BACKPACK""It's $398""Ohhhhh perfectttttt"

*walking past a sunglasses kiosk at Caesar's Palace*"Laddiiesssss, meooooow!""He must know you're a cat person."

[victakestaipei]

WEEK 5 RECAP: “Hair Care, After-Rain, and Porn on the Bus”

Hello Folks,

My week this week started off pretty rocky (and painful), as I’m sure you’ve gathered from my previous post.. but overall I can’t really complain about how the rest of the week played out...

Wednesday: 

Today in class I got my first 100 percent on a quiz!!! Granted it was just a vocabulary quiz and not written dialogue sentences, but I’m still proud as hell. I also introduced my teacher to the movie Finding Nemo and how to “dab”. She’s so adorable and I just love her enthusiasm.

In the gym I ran a 8:53 mile… my body was hating me for skipping the past two days. I had a cramp in my left side the entire time I was running, so by the time I finished the mile I felt like I had done ab day instead of leg day…

After the gym we got caught in the pouring rain. Like raining cats and dogs.

This is common after a typhoon (the after-rain), but I was just salted that we got caught in it and that my socks were so dang wet. Every step made a squishing noise and my thin mesh Adidas weren’t made for that... The three of us went to lunch with one of our classmates, Mika, at that Italian place I had last week. Mika is from California... Cupertino I believe? And she’s super sweet and we’re always cracking up in class together. 

Above is a creeper picture Mika took with our teacher hehe.... I screenshotted it from a snapchat she sent me so DONT HATE ME MIKA

At lunch I ordered this spicy spaghetti with sausage dish... it was super good!! Although I found myself sweating while I was eating... but that could have been due to the fact that I was wet with rain and then sitting in a booth having lunch...

This was my desert    v     I can’t remember the name, but it was chocolate. I thought the consistency would be different when I ordered it, but it was more of like a pudding. I was pleasantly surprised ;)

After lunch we went to the stationary store and bought more school supplies that I really didn’t need. I bought more pens and a notebook, for the upcoming semester. Everything is so cute in that store and I could literally spend all day in there (it’s my favorite past time to be so honest....looking at stationary) lol. Lame, I know.

After that I came home, took a long shower, and a long long nap. I woke up about 9:15pm to a FaceTime call, and then decided to get up and be productive. I finished my homework fairly quickly, and for dinner Bunny and I got McDonald’s because the Gong guan night market was completely closed, I think due to the heavy rain today. I got a spicy chicken sandwich and it was 10x better than a hot n Spicy, and we ALL KNOW how much those SLAP!!! 

I knocked out after 2 am because my nap was a bit longer than it should’ve been... I think I was so tired because of how winded I was from the gym.

Oh Also!!! Today in the shower I did a co-wash, and after it dried I noticed that my hair has grown significantly while I’ve been here… so shout out to my ABLE Queen Sade: I’m going to drop some quick tips on my hair care routine: 

Usually I co-wash every week to week and a half. I only wash with shampoo maybe 1-2 a month (depending on what I’ve been doing...swimming, etc). I also oil/massage my scalp about three times a week. I am currently using small amounts of coconut oil on my scalp to massage, because this is the only oil I brought from the States and I don’t want my hair to be too too oily. But usually when I’m home, I switch it up between Moroccan/Argan Oil, Carrot Oil, Shea Oil, Coconut Oil etc. I also use a lot of leave-in conditioners and moisturizers in my hair. Right now I’m using the Aussie 3 minute moist deep conditioner as a leave-in and I love love LOVE this product. I love the Aussie Moist line in general and it’s pretty cost effective which is good. I also use the Cantu deep conditioning repair creme, as well as the Shea Moisture curl enhancing smoothie. Apart from all of that, I also try to stay consistent with braiding or twisting my hair up and keeping it stretched when I sleep. I didn’t bring my silk scarf with me to Taiwan (ugh) but I still sleep with like a bandana on or a regular scarf most nights. I drink a lot of water and the humidity does the rest! 

My burn on my arm is still a blistering, bubbling, sensitive, mess. I have to sleep on my right side so that I don’t get the burn creme all over my sheets. Woooo.

Thursday:

I woke up on time today, and pretty well rested… I think due to the fact that I took an extra long nap yesterday… anyway, I got to class on time, after eating a banana and pastry for breakfast. I really need to cut back on all the bread I eat but it’s just SO convenient. But I’m going to try to make a more consistent effort to not stuff my face with bread every morning. Wish me luck! Ya girl loves the bread.

We had a quiz today, again, and in class we talked about a bunch of different stuff, from Finding Nemo, to K-Pop stars, to this strange student our teacher had last semester, to screaming goats, etc... We also planned a date for all of us as a class, including the teacher, to go and get hot pot as like a class bonding/field trip type experience! I’m excited. I love our little class, we have a ball, and we’re definitely the loudest class in terms of hearing the laughter echo down the hallway. It’s always a good time. 

*NOTE: So the story about the strange girl I mentioned above is pretty interesting.... Our teacher was telling us how she had this student in her 8am class last semester (who still goes here) and she’s in her 30s. She comes to class every morning with a visor on, a hood on, huge sunglasses, and an ace-bandage type thing that she uses to wrap around her neck and face, up to her nose. Basically she’s a mummy and completely covered from the sun. She is Thai, and pale as hell. (But here in Asia, the paler and skinnier you are, the better!) Anyway, the weird part about the story is that she comes into class in the morning, with hella food. And she has two cellphones. One of them she uses as her normal phone, and the other, she props up on this type of “stand” and records herself. It seems like she’s on videochat or a FaceTime of sorts, but in reality, she records herself constantly, and it’s more of a stream. She doesn’t physically converse back and forth with anyone.  Our teacher and other students in my class (who have seen her around) think that she is one of those people who gets paid to constantly stream themselves so that creepy fetish people can watch them do their daily duties. Weird right?

Anyway let’s shift back...

By the end of the three hour period, my tiredness had hit me full force. I was dying to hear that bell ring at 1:10. After class we went to the gym, per usual, and it was back day / booty (floor) day for me. My butt was so sore I feel like I’m walking funny. But I know it’ll all be worth it and I’m already seeing improvements! Go me!!!

The gym on the Main Campus that we normally use will be closing at the end of this week. They’re hosting a huge event during the month of August, so tomorrow is our last day to use the facility. Bunny and I checked out the gym on our Gong guan campus, where our dorm is, and it’s definitely not as nice but it’ll do the job. There’s also no AC or treadmills though which sucks… but there’s a track, so I guess I have to get used to running that way, and not being able to really track my progress as easily. Bummer.

After the gym we went to eat at the potsticker place by our main campus. I ordered half curry and half vegetable pot stickies, and they’re bomb, per usual.

After we had lunch we went to the computer labs on campus to do our homework. Like peasants… I don’t have a laptop anymore, and Bunny’s laptop doesn’t have a disk drive, so the listening portion of our homework needs to be done at school now. But, it didn’t take as long as it usually does to get it done, because I was definitely more focused (because I wanted to get home).

We started on our journey home around 4-5pm. The bus was poppin!!! I think because it was later in the day... While on the bus, there was a man who was on his phone with his earphones in... pretty normal. But, he moved to stand next to me on the bus and I unintentionally looked at his phone screen and he was watching porn on the bus! HAHA. I immediately looked at Bunny and mouthed the word “PORN” and she starts cracking up. After he got off the bus, she told me how one of his earphones wasn’t in his ear, so she could hear the moans and stuff from the video. Wow. I want to say that I was completely surprised by this, (because of the fact that Asians in Asia are more private with their sexuality in general vs. Americans), but I guess a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

I got up around 9pm and we headed to the night market to eat around 10/10:30. We got these Vietnamese sandwiches at one of the vendor stands. They were 60 NT (around $2 US). I wanted to try the chicken sandwich but she had run out so I went for the spicy pork option instead. Very very tasty. It was basically like a hoagie, but the bread was a bit crunchier than I expected. And I also got some spring rolls, and they were huge, but I didn’t like them and didn’t even finish them. Definitely a disappointment. 

Also my bubbling/blistering burn has started to slightly deflate, but I think to make up for that, it’s started to spread more outward. Still looks disgusting. Still might scar. Still keeps me up at night.

Friday:

This morning I tried something new!!! I didn’t go to the bakery! CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH!!! Making moves!!! But.... I still had bread. 

This morning I opted for an egg sandwich for breakfast and a milk tea... There’s a cafe in front of our main MTC building (where all our classes are held)... and I have never come here for breakfast but I’m definitely going to start after today... simply because they have alternatives to bread, and it’s CHEAPER.

Our class today went by SO quickly. I can’t even remember half the things we talked about, but our chapter is covering “Recycling” so I know that was the main topic of conversation. 

Taiwan is SUPER BIG on recycling here. It’s been hard to adjust. In our dorm, we don’t have recycling bins on our floor. The only recycling bins/main trash bins we have, is on the ground floor of the dorm. Bunny and I have a trashcan in our room, but we never separate our trash (by plastics, glass, paper, normal trash, and food trash/compost), because in all honesty, WHO HAS THE TIME? .... because of this, we just throw everything into our trash can and then when it gets to be too overfilled, we take our trashbag down to the main floor, and tie it up and set it gently down next to the recycling bins.... I know, we’re terrible human beings. But it would be easier if they put the bins on our same floor, because no one wants to go up and down four flights of stairs every time they need to throw something away... It’s unreasonable. And today after class there was a note on the main chalkboard saying something about the trash... But Bunny and I couldn’t read/understand all the words so we just shrugged it off hahaha. Again, I know, we’re terrible human beings... but maybe if the janitor lady wanted to get the message across to the foreigners (she knows we’re foreigners because literally everyone here recycles), then she would just to write it in English??... Just a thought...

Today was leg day at the gym. Again, today is our last day at the gym due to the gym being closed for the rest of the month for an event... and I didn’t want to run my mile but I did it anyway... came out at 8:55. By the skin of my teeth. It was tough. Bunny also left early from the gym to go home and get started on packing/checking into her flight online, because she’s going to Hong Kong for the weekend! How fun.

I met with Mika after the gym, and we met on the Shi Da night market by campus. I found her in the beauty shop, because she wanted to buy falsies (and quite frankly so did I), but the beauty shop had tons of other cool stuff too (eyelid tape, tons of face masks, all kinds of makeup (not a variety of skin tones though), etc.)...

While in the shop, I looked outside and it appeared as though I was going to get caught in the pouring rain for the second time this week. But, this time I didn’t bring an umbrella. UGH. So, I did the most logical thing I could think of: I stole an abandoned umbrella from outside the beauty shop... Here in Taiwan, most people bring an umbrella with them everywhere they go. To either hide from the rain, or shield from the sun (...wouldn’t want to get too dark huh Lady?)... But if it’s raining and then the rain stops, a lot of people leave/abandon their umbrellas outside of shops or convenient stores in the rack provided. They do this because umbrellas here are so cheap, no one wants to lug them around all day. So luckily for me, getting caught in the rain, there were about 10 umbrellas sitting in the rack outside the shop, just waiting to be picked up by Muah. I knew they were abandoned because Mika and I were the only people in the store, and the umbrellas were sitting there when I walked into the store (before it rained). SO BLESS UP. 

We went to the curry spot to eat a few stores down... then later hopped on the bus to head home. Mika lives by the Gong guan market, which is where Bunny and I frequently get dinner. But Mika usually takes the MRT to get to school everyday, which I told her is a bit more expensive than the bus, and the bus just as convenient. So I took her home with me on the bus so she could learn the ropes.

Bunny was gone when I got home, she had already left to head to the airport. I took a shower and was SO PLEASED and GRATEFUL that she left me her laptop to use while she was away for the weekend (in Hong Kong). I am now fully caught up on my shows (Power and Insecure), and I’m able to blog from home rather than go to campus and do all my blogging on Monday in the computer lab (campus is closed on the weekend). BUNNY IS THE BEST ROOMMATE EVER CAN WE PLEASE ALL FORM A PRAYER CIRCLE AND PRAISE GOD FOR HER EXISTENCE.

Around 9:30pm I emerged from my cave to get potstickers (to-go) and came right back home to relax a bit more and draft my blog posts. 

Also, Green Tea ice cream is easily one of my favorite flavors, and they have it in these little baby pint size containers that they sell at the convenient store. They are so so good. They are my guilty pleasure. That is all.

Around 11:30pm I crawled into bed while on Facetime with Lijah, (if you’re reading this, Hi!! I love you!!!) and got incredibly sleepy after that. I think it’s because I was laying down and I hadn’t had my nap today.... I knocked out just before midnight and woke up around 7:30am fully rested. I was going to go out to the bar last night but I’m so glad that I didn’t. Tomorrow (saturday) I have plans to spend the better part of the morning/afternoon enjoying the Emerald Hills of Maokong.  More on that to come!

xoxo

[evenstevensranked]

#9: Season 3, Episode 22 - “Leavin’ Stevens”

It’s the series finale!! Eileen is projected the winner of a major election for Congress, which means the Stevens family will be moving to Washington D.C. immediately. Pretty big deal. Our beloved characters must say goodbye to each other forever, but Louis can’t bring himself to move across the country without telling Tawny how he really feels about her. 

Let’s talk about why this cinematic plotline would’ve made an infinitely better DCOM than The Even Stevens Movie. 

This one opens with the Stevens family huddled together in the living room, anxiously awaiting the results of Eileen’s election. Riiiiight as the news reporter is about to announce the winner, Beans appears out of nowhere, grabs the remote and changes the channel to... Toon Disney?! They show a legit clip of Teamo Supremo (remember that show?! LOL) instead of some fake cartoon or something which is kinda cool. Granted, it’s a Disney cartoon, so they had the right to use it no problem -- but still! That show premiered in 2002 so I’m sure they threw that clip in there to promote it somehow. Otherwise, it’s just sorta funny to think Toon Disney and ABC (Disney Channel sister stations) exist in the Even Stevens-verse. 

Beans, being the nuisance that he is, throws the remote into a skinny vase thing so Ren is forced to ~magically~ change the channel back manually. 

Remember when you could change the channel with buttons on the actual TV? Good times. If you lose the remote these days, you’re pretty much screwed. 

Thankfully, they turn back in time to catch the results: EILEEN WON! It cuts to her giving a little press conference outside where she announces that the entire family will be moving to Washington D.C. immediately so that she can get to work right away. This is insane news to Louis since he apparently had no idea that Congress was in Washington or that the whole family would need to move there if Eileen were to win. 

It cuts to a very depressed Louis at school cleaning out his locker. Tom and Twitty are with him and Twitty is seemingly in denial about the whole situation, explaining that nothing’s going to change and that a few 14-year-olds can hop a flight to D.C., hang out with Louis and be home by dinner time easy peasy! Tom brings them back to reality by calling them “poor delusional fools” and it’s great. Tawny shows up and it’s time for “Romeo to bid farewell to his Juliet” (Tom’s words.) Oh, man. The rom-com drama kicks in here and I can’t get enough of it. 

I’m guessing that this moment is the actual very last time they’re ever going to see each other?!?! So, the two of them are incredibly freaking awkward trying to say their goodbyes. I mean, how do you say goodbye forever to one of your best friends who is also obviously your crush in, like.. 30 seconds? They’re stammering and dancing around the idea of simply saying “I’m gonna miss you!” So, what do they do? They end up completely avoiding the situation by talking about how they’re going to miss the school cafe’s chili fries instead of each other. Clearly, that is not the last thing either of them wanted to say. As frustrating as this scene is, it’s pretty hilarious. Louis is all “I’m really gonna miss... y.......ahh... c..hili.... fries on Wednesday!” and Tawny just awkwardly goes along with it, “Yeah. I love those... They’re great.” HAHAHA. They proceed to engage in what’s gotta be up there as one of the most uncomfortable hugs of all time:

One thing this show consistently nails is middle school awkwardness. Louis & Tawny are lightyears ahead of me and my old crush though. He was moving to Deleware at the end of 8th grade and we didn’t even say goodbye to each other at ALL at graduation, omg. We just avoided each other entirely. The worst part is that we were side-by-side PARTNERS for the graduation march and we didn’t even speak to each other. The level of immaturity and awkwardness is unparalleled.... 

It cuts to Ren talking with Ruby and Monique who are also getting emotional over Ren’s impending departure. (“What are we gonna do without her?!”) Basically, the two of them are completely incapable of organizing their own lives and need Ren’s constant guidance. One of their biggest concerns is that the three of them previously waited 6 hours in line for Peachbox tickets and now they can’t go to the concert together. First of all.... WHAT OR WHO THE HECK IS PEACHBOX? For some reason, I’ve always imagined a knockoff Matchbox Twenty band simply because of the “box” connection lol. Buuuut, I’m gonna guess that it’s just a music festival or something. It’s not important in the grand scheme of things here.

We see Louis and Twitty walking home from school together and it’s a very somber stroll. Twitty says “I know you’re not the most romantic guy in the world (I BEG TO DIFFER, TWITTY!!!) but, do you really want the last thing you talk about with Tawny to be chili fries?” Obviously, Louis says no, but its too late! There’s nothing he can do at this point! Twitty dramatically says “No, it’s never too late...” and just WALKS AWAY!!!! Did he leave Louis in the dust?! Was that the last thing they said to each other?! What?! Did Louis and Twitty’s epic friendship just... end on a cryptic note for dramatic effect? Why am I just realizing this?

I’m laughing at the idea of this being their final exchange. “It’s never too late. Peace out, cub scout.”

Twitty’s dramatic last words kick Louis into rom-com leading man overdrive. As soon as he gets home, he sits down and starts recording a videotape for Tawny so that he can say everything he wasn’t able to in person. (See cover photo.) Oh, my lord. This is incredible. He starts off by saying that he’ll already be 2,797 miles away (he looked it up) in Washington by the time she sees the tape. “I didn’t want the last thing we talked about to be chili fries. So that’s why I’m doing this -- this tape, ya know? To tell you how I really feel...” And Shia is already hitting it outta the god damn park with his acting. The scene cuts after that, so we don’t get to hear the rest. Gotta keep us on our toes!

Louis meets up with Tom later and gives him the tape, instructing -- or rather, threatening -- him to personally deliver it to Tawny... OR ELSE. 

“Tom, I’m entrusting you with this tape. Okay? So, if anybody else -- besides Tawny -- gets their hands on this... I will personally track you down and make you pay. You hear what I’m saying?”

There’s a little subplot with Donnie and Coach Tugnut, as well. Every character’s plot in this episode revolves around the Stevens family moving, which is kinda cool. We get to see how the potential change affects all of them! Coach Tugnut was planning on training Donnie for the Olympics, so he nearly has a heart attack when he finds out he’s moving. Steve decides to call his boss, Mr. Kupchack, and cuss him out because he thinks he’s never going to see him again. (Bad idea.) Louis has the Tawny situation. Ren has her friends. And of course, Eileen’s whole career is being uprooted. 

Tugnut ultimately decides to uproot his life as well and drive all the way to Washington to continue Donnie’s training. There’s a pretty great final ~adult joke~ here. Tugnut says he talked it over with his wife, Tammy, and they agreed that a little break could be good. He explains that Tammy is busy with her own life, which includes working the night shift at Romano’s Pizza. But, Donnie’s like.. “Uh, Coach... Romano’s Pizza closed, like... 2 years ago” -- Insinuating that Tammy’s been cheating at night. “I’m sure there’s a logical explanation!” Tugnut concludes. Wow. I like this joke, though. It’s subtle and smart. 

Right as Steve is fervently insulting his boss over the phone, Eileen comes running into the living room in a tizzy. She turns on the TV and calls for the entire family to come watch. In a “stunning and dramatic reversal,” a recount snatched victory away from Eileen and gave the congressional seat to some guy Charles Nuck. 

Louis: “My tape!” Ren: “My friends!” Steve: “My job!” Donnie: “My coach!” Eileen: “My seeeeat!”

You can always count on Tom Virtue to go overboard with his performance. To be fair, Steve knows that he totally just lost his job. Soo...

So, yeah! We’re only 9 minutes into the episode and The Stevens family is no longer moving! Wexler is so elated to have Ren back, he’s all “I’d be lost without you!” -- Literally no one can live a productive life without Ren Stevens I guess. He does a little happy dance down the hallway but then stops in his tracks in horror when he sees Louis moving back into his locker. “Noooo!” HAHAHA. 

“WHYYYYYY?!” -- I just really wanted to include this screenshot. Notice how Louis is unpacking a giant thing of syrup! Leftover from Lumberjack Club, I presume? 

Twitty stops by and Louis is in damage control mode. “I have a problem. I did the worst thing I could possibly do.” Twitty says “Dude, everyone gets gas climbing the rope in gym, it’s okay.” HAHA! For some reason I never really noticed that line before. It’s great. Of course, Louis explains that he gave Tawny a tape telling her how he really feels. Twitty asks how bad it is and if he dropped the “L-Bomb.” (“Did ya tell Tawny that you loved her?”) And Louis is officially freaking out. OHHHHHH MYYYY GODDDDDD. Scenes like this make me think that Even Stevens was more of a ~bro show~ kinda. I wonder if guys across the country related to this or not. 

Ren’s little ~storyline within the storyline~ could’ve been a lot better. As usual, she got the short end of the stick for her final hurrah in the series. She ends up finding a replacement of herself for Ruby and Monique named Denise who is seriously controlling and super creepy. After they find out the Stevens are no longer moving, Monique and Ruby really don’t want to go to the concert with Denise anymore. So Ren eventually finds replacements for Ruby and Monique as well so the three doppelgangers can go together instead. It’s trippy. And that’s pretty much it. 

Louis talks to Tawny later that day and finds out that Tom already delivered the tape. Yikes! Tawny doesn’t know what's on the tape though and doesn’t think much of it either. She’s assuming that it’s probably a nature special or Doris’ 40th birthday. And Louis quickly interjects “Good party! That was a good--” and awkwardly cuts himself off. Shia’s phrasing. It’s so good. I laughed pretty hard. Anyway, Louis is officially on a mission to retrieve the tape before she has a chance to watch it and calls Beans for help. Beans is at school when Louis calls his cell phone, and um... Beans is 8 years old. Why does he have a cell phone in 2002? Also, he should be in 3rd grade. Does this look like 3rd grade to you?!

That teacher is reading a baby storybook to them. This never seemed right to me lol. Also, that super tall kid in the middle is at least 11 years old. Come on now. ALSO they make a point to show that every kid in the class has a cell phone, too. Perhaps this show was simply ahead of its time AGAIN, showing us that soon technology will consume all of our lives at every age. 8 year olds have iPhones nowadays.

To sum it up, Louis has Beans climb into Tawny’s bedroom window to steal the tape back. This is the only episode where we see Tawny’s bedroom and much like the part of her house we saw in Thin Ice, it suits her personality perfectly and I love it. 

Louis is relieved to have the tape back, but once he gets home he notices the tape is actually labeled “To: Louis.” OHHHHHHHH BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! HEREEEE WEEEE GOOOOO! I’ll let you watch this truly iconic and emotionally taxing scene play out for yourself:

Can you say SOULMATES?! What are the odds they’d both decide to confess their feelings via videotape? Well, besides it being an uber romantic plot device lol. 

The episode ends with Louis and Tawny at their lockers, smirking knowingly at each other because they know they’re in love now lol. It’s precious. It’s still a little awkward because it’s like “ok, we love each other or whatever... now what?” So, in true Louis & Tawny fashion Louis says “Soooo... I hear they’re having chili fries at lunch today.” And Tawny whispers “Cool. I love chili fries.” The two of them laugh at how well they know each other and walk off hand and hand into the sunset. All is right with the world. 

How sweet are they?! Seriously one of the most underrated pairings everrrrr. Tawny’s jeans though. I never understood the 2000s fashion trend that was distressed markings on the BUTTCHEEKS of pants! It looks absolutely terrible.

The final minute bit is Tugnut crying “DonnnieeeeEE!” all alone at the Washington monument lol. 

This is probably the most cinematic episode of Even Stevens. This thing plays out like a freaking movie. Honestly, if they fleshed out the plot a little more and added a few twists and turns that I can’t think of because I’m not a screenwriter -- I firmly believe this would've made for a better and more satisfying DCOM than The Even Stevens Movie. They could've ended the series with an episode built around a wacky plot like the vacation, (I mean, the dismal and beyond outlandish In Ren We Trust was the series’ penultimate episode so that wouldn't be a stretch...) and then have an original movie with heart and a story rooted in the characters. Am I alone here, or? Having the series end with Louis and Tawny getting together and then barely interacting in The Even Stevens Movie always pissed me off. The bit with the videotapes could totally compete with any blockbuster romance film, tbh. MOVIES end with characters finally getting together and it's the big, satisfying moment. Ending a SERIES like that, and then not doing anything with it in the big finale film is just frustrating. I wanted to see what became of Louis and Tawny: The Couple. 

This 8-second scene of them in the chair is the extent of their interaction in the movie. Along with two “right next to papa” lines from Louis, which Tawny sorta reacts apathetically/sarcastically to. That’s literally it. 

I’ve mentioned before that people tend to write-off Even Stevens as nothing but a wacky show to watch if you want to turn your brain off. But, there’s so much heart here and great characters that are overlooked! Having such a crazy movie for the big ending just solidified that Even Stevens = Dumb and wacky TV show, in the memories of many. Which is perhaps the reason why the show isn’t remembered as widely or fondly in comparison to other live action Disney shows of the era. This could also contribute to its underratedness. It’s just not the DCOM we deserved. Even I remember thinking “this looks stupid” when I first saw the promo trailer for the movie as a kid. But this series finale episode felt more like a movie to me than the DCOM ever did! It almost seems like it was intended to be a film but they cut out a bunch of it. It feels really rushed. One minute the Stevens are moving and the next they’re not. There’s so much more tension and emotion that could’ve been built if the idea of them moving lasted longer than 8 minutes, haha. Idk. This just feels like a plot that deserves more than 21 minutes to unfold and breathe. 

I kinda adore this episode. To this day it still manages to squeeze a lil’ tear outta me. I really can’t stress enough how sublime Shia’s acting on the tape to Tawny is. If the scene was longer, it could totally rival his romantic monologue in Disturbia (which some people have performed for acting auditions!!!) I wanna see people do a “Louis Stevens monologue” for auditions, man! lol. The day I see a modern Disney kid pull this sort of scene off with the same level of maturity will be the day hell freezes over. I love that Shia gave his all to this role. Even though ES was “just a Disney show” he treated the material with the weight it deserved and I really appreciate that. It’s what helps make Even Stevens more than “just a Disney show” and why it’s still great, if not better, in 2018. 

This episode makes my Top 10 because, like I said, it has such a movie feel to it and one of the strongest/most engaging plotlines in the entire series. I might’ve ranked this one even higher if Ren had a better final plot. They could’ve had a double romance dilemma with Ren and Larry getting together as well or at least a cute moment where they finally end their rivalry, but nooooooooo! The pressure of moving forced Louis & Tawny to confront their feelings, they could’ve done the same thing with Ren and Larry. If this episode had a Ren/Larry subplot of any kind it would probably be my #1 lololol. The episode does have a lot going for it and so much potential though. I had to put it in the single-digits.

The Louis/Tawny content here is OBVIOUSLY of the highest quality. Hands down the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen on the Disney Channel at least. The videotape(s) is like a grand gesture, but also small and intimate at the same time. Per-fect. The acting is especially great here, from both Shia and Margo. I mean, these performances could stand up against any "adult” comedy TV show, heck.. they’re probably better honestly. They’re seriously killin’ the game and they’re both 16/17 years old here. So underrated. Even Stevens deserved to be picked up by a major network. Imagine what it might’ve been like on ABC, CBS, or NBC? Dang. It’d be the cult classic it deserves to be today.

Thanks for reading!!

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