#but like. you know.
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tonight i return to the eternal question: am i insane??????
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had a good weekend but something something sometimes fun things eat up all your dopamine or whatever so today i'm feeling SAD and TRAGIC and TIRED and my life is REALLY DIFFICULT
#bitching about it on tumblr dot com because i can#part of it is also the drudgery of being In Pain all of the time#but like. you know.#seg.misc#everyone's gotta be so so nice to me today because i WILL cry
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okay. okay. this is going to make me look like a clod until it's read, but please hear me out.
For a small backstory: I got my degree in sociology and media/communications, with a hinge on studying fan and fandom spaces. While I do NOT agree with this point- it is absurd to think a societal convention as optional as fandom could be applied to workplace safety- the term 'rules written in blood' applies in a certain way to every single thing we build as a society.
The fact of the matter is, sociologically and historically speaking, people with the ability to consume (people with money, power, prestige, attention, ect) will try to accomplish their goals for as little 'spend' as possible (whether that 'spend' is money, effort, favors, or something else). For a community to thrive, everyone in the community must agree to certain rules so you can maintain a minimum of comfort and agreeability among the group. When things start tipping too far one way or the other, you get problems. (Either that a group gets abused and loses comfort, or comfort becomes the only thing and loses structure).
Coaching this again for the website that doesn't read: this does not directly apply to all types of fandom etiquette. There's very few hard rules that permeate between cultures, but generally, the biggest one is 'be nice to others'. It could be argued that this rule is written in blood due to the many, many people throughout history who have been harmed by others being Very Not Nice, but that is not what I'm talking about here.
The part of fandom etiquette that's written in blood is entitlement. I've been participating in fandom and been in hundreds of groups and settings for over 20 years. I have seen fanfiction writers bullied to near-suicide for a ship or idea. I have seen cosplayers get physical, hospital-level injuries from people insisting on touching or manhandling them (hell, this one has happened to me personally). I have seen someone hit someone else WITH THEIR CAR over a character disagreement. I was at a one-day con once that was shut down early because a fandom argument caused someone to break a glass tabletop while attempting to throw it at someone else.
Now if you're still reading, you may be thinking 'well these rules aren't fandom specific. These are about literally any group that could exist'. And congratulations, you are correct. The rules written in blood about fandom are the same rules written in blood about any community over any shared Thing. The important of 'fandom etiquette' is the same importance of literally any way we treat each other in a shared space. It is the understanding that we are all here to have a good time, and if you are Not having a good time, refer to the 'rules' to see if that is your fault or not.
So in summation: no, 'fandom etiquette' is not written in blood. But societal conventions and being nice to each other are. Just because you're in a fandom space doesn't mean you're allowed by societal rule to be an asshole for fun. Or the community will change. And it will, in fact, be because someone died.
#im sure this will go over well on the reading comprehension website#fandom history#spoiler: i know it won't.#but like. you know.#the comments here were so disparaging i had to say something
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so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.
the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.
i had like, fifteen raw eggs.
i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.
except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.
so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.
#i feel a kinship with that snake#would that i could be a simple tube#and eat my fill of eggs#but being a person is rather nice too#my wife is a saint#and i promise that most of the time she is the goblin and i am the Serious Guy#but i had a little pique of insanity and you know what it was my junior year of college#and i deserved to just go a little insane#you spent 65 hours a week being Rational and then you go home and eat like twenty raw eggs
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Knowledge Revenge.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuk tims#senshi#Somewhat of an unofficial sequel to the Dragon Comic. I promise I have more versatility in my jokes. I just had to take this opportunity.#Senshi is pretty much a recluse. I think he would know a few of these 'gottems' but not all.#Chilchuck would know gottems that are nearly lost to time. The deep cuts. The ones that you fall for because they are that obscure.#I would also like to take a moment to confess that after the last comic in which I posed a gottem -#I fell victim to a Mind Goblin Attack. I was thoroughly got. I will be on higher alert this time.#So NOBODY be funny in the tags. I am gullible and I like to share things with my friends. Who are *ruthless*.#I have a mild resistance to Vicious Mockery at this point but I can only take so much.#Happy Thistle Thursday Everyone! See you next week!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Whoever conceived and animated this moment, I hope they're doing well and thriving. This is S-rank romance stuff here.
#the ship overall is C to A tier#but it's things like THIS that push it up toward the A#titan ae#titan a.e.#cale#akima#it just...#starts with them chilling together being comfortable in each other's space#that would be enough that's a point there#then she goes and HANDS HIM THE SANDWICH SHE'S EATING#sharing their food#that's another one#and she does it because his hands are busy so he can't feed himself#so that's a third point#and she does it WITHOUT LOOKING AT HIM which is a FOURTH point#and he bites into it without request or invitation so that's a FIFTH point#and then he TAKES THE WHOLE SANDWICH AND GULPS IT DOWN LIKE A LIZARD#which is a SIXTH point#and jumps it up to SEVEN because she pulls her fingers free and finally looks at him and yells at him#IT'S A SEVEN-POINT ROMANCE COMBO#do you know how utterly rare those are?#those are generally earned through KISS scenes where the hands move and the heads touch and maybe there's a spin#they achieved a seven-point romance combo by SHARING A SANDWICH#fixing machines and sharing lunch URRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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the 'what if you played it a little risky' post literally Changed my life but i cant fujkign find it in my blog because its. a tiktok screenshot
#like literally every time ive hesitated sending a text or complimenting someone or stuff ive thought of it#like youre right. what if i played it a little risky what do i have to lose in doing a nice thing!!!!!! ur so right!!!!!!!!#but its forever lost cos i cant search it with any words cause its an image#misery and pain. you know how it is#my post
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redownloaded instagram and got sucked into reels and it’s truly like an alternate reality happening over there. video of a girl being like “looking back on my cringe 2021 taste….” and it’s a pic of her wearing like. jeans and a top. the top has a checkerboard pattern. she’s like screaming in agony. the comments are all like “omg not the microtrend 😭 i can’t believe i ever wore that” like woah. i think you guys are crazy
#so funny to see ppl use the word microtrend but continue to follow them#like so you Know it’s bad …..#but you’re still doing it …….
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ghanaian miku
#zeno's art#hatsune miku#vocaloid#vocal synths#ghana#theres a trend on twitter where you draw miku as from your country#and i dont think anyone's done ghana yet!!!#her outfit is inspired by fashion + fabrics that my mother would wear and also stuff i found on pinterest#ghana kind of has a gold fixation lol so theres lots of gold#and the drink she's holding is supermalt. idk if its actually ghanaian but i know that ghanaians love it#(its very yummy btw idk how to explain the taste cuz i havent had it in a while but you should drink it if you ever come across it)#ok tumblr gets this early#ill post at like 4pm for twitter
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watching bridgerton and obviously there were a lot of things wrong with the way socializing has worked in the past, but honestly the idea of a "calling hour" is so appealing. office hours for friendship. you can show up unannounced at my home between 1 and 3pm. you must leave by 3pm. I may give you a pastry. lets bring that back
#bridgerton#lauren says things#i know the calling hour is for romantic prospects#(at least in bridgerton)#but there IS something to be said for having social rules! I like it to an extent!#no I don't have a panic disorder rooted in social anxiety why are you asking me that#and tbf one CAN just do this!#but working out social contracts with friends is hard and scary lol
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i did wrestling in middle school. on one hand, i was actually quite good at it, which was nice. being good at any sport was a new achievement for me. on the other hand, i was bi, and i was trying very hard not to notice that i was bi, and getting folded into knots by very kind, very muscular dorks made that task somewhat difficult.
adding fire to the problem was that my parents and my grandparents wanted to watch my matches, because they were very proud that their Gangly Nerd Son was actually Sporting, and they wanted to cheer me on. which would've been sweet and all, but if there are four people you do not want there during a key part of your Burgeoning Sexual Awakening, it is your mom and your dad and your grandma and your grandpa.
right? i mean, imagine some guy's got your head in his armpit, and you're going you know, old sweat smells bad, but fresh sweat has a sort of and then you make eye contact with your grandpa in the stands and you remember you're swearing spandex so if you pop a boner people aren't just going to be able to see the outline, they're going to be able to count the veins, and the only way you will be able to restore your family's honor after that would be by moving to siberia and renouncing joy, forever. that, or lift your entire body up by your kneck then twist 180 degrees without paralyzing yourself.
it’s a lot of pressure, is what i’m saying.
still it did motivate me to win my matches really fast. because i was so tall and skinny, i was stupidly good at the double leg takedown, and then once someone was knocked down, i'd just do the half nelson and kind of flip em over for the pin. then the ref would count to three and i’d win. EZPZ.
i had one match where that went great. won in the first ten seconds, sat back down, and prepared myself for a good hour or two of doing fuck all. didn't even feel bad the parents/grandparents were gonna be bored. the matches went up from me in 5 pound increments (i was in the 115 lbs division) and it was going great until we got to the 145 lbs division. the other school's wrestler stepped onto the mat, and she turned out to be a girl so our guy flipped, because for straight guys, wrestling a girl is not a pleasant experience.
i'm not entirely unsympathetic. my experience wrestling dudes was definitely a little traumatic. but also, i dealt. guy could've dealt too. instead, he refused to wrestle, and the coach went - fine. not even worth fighting over.
so he went to the 140 pounder, and that guy said, nosir, my mom said mormons can't wrestle girls. next guy down, 135 pounder, now he knew he could pull the same card and thus did. 130 pounder, 125, both tapped out. he got to the 120 guy, and that guy was catholic, but he said he was considering being mormon, and thus would have to pass. as a precaution.
coach blew up a little at that. he said "is there anyone - anyone - on this entire goddamn team that is willing to wrestle a girl?" and then he pointed at me and said "YOU. MAT. GO."
and i'll be real, if i'd been paying more attention, i'd have pulled the mormon card too, but i'd just been putting all that audio into a buffer file because i was reading, so i was halfway across the mat before i even processed what had been said and by then it was too late to turn back.
still i had a plan. and my plan - my beautiful, perfect plan - was to do what i'd always done. tackle, flip, pin, win. sit down. read. bore my family to death. move on.
i got the first part right. she was bigger than me, but she wasn't taller. just an incredibly stout woman. god built me like a snake with glasses, just as he built her like a combat cube. the problem was the half nelson. soon as she was down, i tried hooking my arm under hers from behind and for both genders, the defense for this move is just clamping your arms really fucking tight against your sides. if you're a guy, that's whatever, but if you're a girl - especially if you're god's chosen combat cube - that pins your opponents hand right against your boob.
so, i got the hook in, she clamped, my whole arm pressed against something soft, my coach was yelling THE HALF NELSON. BABYLON! JUST FINISH IT! FINISH THE HALF NELSON! and i was just trying to press hard enough to finish, when then my brain went
...oh.
and i flipped out. of course i flipped out. i like girls, and touching a boob is an elemental experience, and i was not ready. i was not prepared. i had not committed the sacred rites. i recoiled like i'd just brushed my arm against the surface of the sun, stood up, and backed away. nobody in the room knew why i'd given up. all they saw was me, right about to win, suddenly flailing around and scrambling. so everyone started screaming at me to just get the half nelson again, and i couldn't really yell back there's a fuckin' boob in the way and it was very distressing, and the only way i could think of to make them stop was just doing it over again the right way.
so i did.
i hunkered down and prepared myself for Wrasslin' Attempt #2: The Sequel.
i knocked her down again, EZPZ. i went for the half nelson again, but she knew what i was about to do so she super clamped, and i knew she was gonna super clamp, so i wound my arm back like a pop-eye cartoon punch before swinging my arm through the gap between her bicep and her side, but the amount of time i spent winding back super signalled what i was about to to do, which gave her time to clamp even harder, which somehow redirected the entire force of the popeye punch to the bottom of her bra.
it spat out a single boob the same way an action hero might spit out one single tooth after getting a solid crack across the jaw. as if to say:
*ptooie.* "that all you got?"
i did not actually see this. my experience was that first there was an arm, then there was a bit of boob, but i was braced, i was ready, forward at all costs, tatakae motherfuckers, and then the boob went away, and i didn't know where it went but my team, and the audience, and everyone who was in front of me, they all gasped like i just kicked them in the stomach. except for my coach. he was behind me, and thus one of the four people in the room who did not see the boob. now my mom, my dad, my grandma, and my grandpa, they all got flashed but nooooooo, coach thunderbutt was behind me, and he didn't see shit so he was still yelling NOOOOOO BABYLON WHAT ARE YOU DOING JUST FINISH THE NELSON! GO FOR THE KILL! BABYLON! BABYLON!
but i did not go for the kill. i stood up and she stuffed her boob back real fast, and we just kind of circled each other awkwardly until time ran out and i won on points. that's not technically allowed, but the ref had some mercy on me.
my coach did not.
i barely had time to sit down before he strode over to the bench to chew me out.
"babylon," he said, in that very calm way people get when they're too pissed to yell. "why didn't you pin?"
and i didn't know how to say well coach, i tried, but there was a boob, and it kept getting in the way, and my mom was watching, and so was my dad, and so was his dad, and his mom, and god (like bible god) and that's a can of worms because i'm pretty sure he was already mad at me, and i'm wearing spandex, and i think i might have to move to siberia, so instead i said
"i uh. i forgot how to do the half nelson."
which is actually impossible. forgetting how to do the half nelson is like forgetting how to swallow your spit.
and he looked at me, like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked through him like i'd just survived my 250th day in a trench at verdun, and he said: fine.
fine.
but we're all going to practice it for an hour tomorrow because you forgot.
and then he left.
and my buddies had the gall to be salty about it. i got so many comments saying "dude, why didn't you just tell him the truth?" and i said "you can if you care so damn much. you could've wrestled the girl too. maybe someone else should do the hard thing today."
but they didn't. so the next day, we did an hour of half nelson drills, and i spent a decent amount of time getting thrown around the mat, and it was pleasant in exactly the way that i hated and the year after that, to the surprise of everyone but myself, i quit wrestling and joined the trivia team.
and if you want more reasons to love my mom, my grandpa joked after the match that i might have to talk to my bishop about it, and my mom told him he would be allowed to make jokes after he stood in front of a crowd of 110 people in spandex underpants while wrestling a woman that was not his wife.
he paused for almost five seconds after that. then he said: aw. hell. sorry babylon.
and i'd have preferred my apology from god, but getting it from him was pretty good too.
#whew boy this make me anxious just typing it#wrestling#middle school#the dread#i feel like i have to write some stories about my grandpa not being a dick#because he was actually an amazing grandpa#he just had a few goofs are very comedic moments#and you know if you're gonna have a goof making it comedic is a virtue in itself#he was there for me more than a lot of my classmates dads were#and i dont want that undervalued#yeah#babylon-lore
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The math just adds up!
#dungeon meshi#falin touden#marcille donato#farcille#I always loved how chapter 27 ends with them both so bloody and 28 starts with them in the bath.#not just because of how iconic the bathtub moment is but because you know they had to scrap off so much gore first.#I think everyone in the party took a very long and methodical bath but Falin was basically *all* blood*.#Being covered in blood is one of those 'just girly things' that women deserve to stop being shamed about.#I just don't think Chilchuck is progressive enough. He probably made them take a bath first B*/#Okay jestering aside I want to just highlight -#The magnitude of Marcille's joy at seeing her dearest friend again! Of holding her and sharing her presence in the same room!#Something about this reunion feels like a beautiful dream you are afraid of waking up from...
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this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen
#lol good luck finding all of the photoshopped versions in the rb history. ‘manatee restored’ is still my favorite of all time#misc#I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to.#also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped#it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially#the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm#which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water#as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun#it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here#I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances#also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential#so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export#but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image
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