#but like. yeah on a conscious level i am opposed to them

[shannonsketches]

I also have noticed the similarities between Nabooru and the Gerudo Sage of Lightning. And my goodness, it would make the story so much more FIERY if it really were her. The DRAMA between those two seasoned warriors, those two mature lovers who still have so much passion, who found themselves on opposing sides of the conflict. LIKE COME ON.

This is essentially my vibe with the ship in OoT! But, god, yeah, between the sages participating in actual combat and Gan's physical transformation in TotK, it is such a solid and painful (good) version of the story.

Almost called it an AU. Is it an AU? I guess it is, depending on how you look at the games, haha.

But yeah I am not gonna lie I've had backburner brainrot about it for the last couple weeks.

My current vibe on TotK NabsGan Conflict/Fallout (especially with the thought of the mohawk Gerudo woman also being Nabooru, just at an earlier part of her life) is Nabs does not agree with the Zonai or want to participate in or enable their work -- but after witnessing what the secret stones could do to a herd of Molduga? That's not something she's willing to risk happening to her people, and they simply don't have the kind of power to defend against it. And logically, Rauru is only really asking for a centralized alliance with some egotistical semantics, right? They can negotiate terms, he seems reasonable enough with the other countries.

Gan, however, thinks that's bullshit. He's been at war for so long, he's watched these people waste their shoddy technology in the desert over and over again, and the earlier ones were't subtle about what they wanted from the land. He's also killed a ton of them, enough to be considered a hero to his people, and he knows Rauru wants revenge for it. The egotistical semantics are personal, the invitation is a sleight. They're being held hostage under the illusion of free will, and Gan knows there is only one of two things standing between his people and oblivion: Either complete compliance, or getting one of those stones.

So he lies, and publicly goes with option A while privately pursuing option B. Like my OoT headcanons, Nabs realizes something's Wrong when he's spending so much time in Hyrule. Sonia's death becomes the trigger for her to start working against him, and his radical transformation (both physical and mental) pushes her onto the other team out of necessity, and she convinces other Gerudo to do the same. Rauru's magics were terrifying, and Ganon's are worse. But Rauru was at least pretending to be, if he was not genuinely, willing to negotiate. Ganon is not. The anger and power have combined to create a creature of extremes.

They both just wanted their people to survive and be okay. But Ganondorf as a King was already an intense and dedicated warrior, and now he can't be calmed or reasoned with. He will not stop until he's destroyed his enemy, and now his loyalty seems to lie with the ruined and the damned, so she might as well accept a boon and defend what's left of her world.

Because, look, from her perspective, even if Gan IS only attacking Gerudo colonies that are working with (or even just favorable toward) Hyrule, it's horrific that he would destroy his people at all. And as much as she might have loved to trust him otherwise, he got this way by lying to everyone. So what's to say his favor is authentic, or permanent? There's no way of knowing what this stone will do to him in the long run.

There's also the possibility that he might not even be able to control it well at this point! His destruction, while conscious and intentional, could be a hyper-reactive emotional breach from someone who is usually highly disciplined. He might be overwhelmed by this sudden and unrelenting flow of power. But she can't risk betting that a god-king who is currently setting the entire country on fire will level out at some point.

And even if she wanted to, even if she wanted to believe this wasn't really him or what he wanted, she and the other Gerudo might not be alive to find out. She can't afford to wait and see! None of them can!

So even if it means mines and waste and clunky invasive technology, at least if she agrees to join Rauru, her people might survive this. They might maintain some control over their home. If absolutely nothing else, it's literally all she can do to try and keep them alive.

But Ganon doesn't see it that way. It's betrayal, and she's wrong. But, if it is truly her wish to die fighting for what she believes, then it is his sacred obligation to ensure that she does.

[kendallroygf]

Your Kendall post speaks volumes. I never knew how to articulate it properly but I always think (idk if it’s canon or not) His ex wife is Jewish, his best friend Iranian and his daughter, South Asian. But he’s aligning himself with parties like ATN etc. I don’t know, it’s a funny thing to me because wether or not the writers did this on purpose or not but the people he’s closest to (aside from his sibs) are as you said, from marginalised communities. Does he think the amount of wealth a person earns suddenly makes them immune to a system that wasn’t originally built for anyone aside for people like him. I wonder what his stance would’ve been on Mckenen if he were in the room when they were all deciding who should be president. It’s more personal for him, his daughter is quite literally apart of the community that Mckenen demonises. Not even just for Kendall but for Stewy & Marcia too. Like they can’t be seen opposing people like him because where does that put them? Just being poc in a cooperate world is threatening enough. This is me putting too much thought into it while also knowing the writers maybe didn’t when it comes to the Sophie/Marcia/Stewy and the role they have to put on.

hmm i don’t know how qualified i am to speak on this but in terms of ‘aligning himself with atn’ i truly think it’s never been an conscious choice for kendall to do that. like it came with the job. logan groomed kendall to one day be in charge of waystar and subsequently atn for however many years and i think a consequence of that is that kendall doesn’t really have any concrete ideologies/beliefs, much like roman. but similar to shiv (although her politics are way more clear) he has this abstract idea of ‘doing good things’ with waystar and wanting to be a ‘good person’ but this in itself kind of centres around logan . like his desire to ‘be good’ is just a desire to be good in comparison to his father (i’m a good person i’m better than you etc) but ultimately kendall (in s1 mostly) wanted to be the Good Guy but without much foresight on what that actually looks like and i think that’s where his relationships with stewy, rava and sophie come in i suppose. but i don’t think kendall intentionally created a relationship with stewy and rava or adopted sophie out of tokenism or anything. i simply think he connected to stewy and rava in some way mostly because they oppose logan and what he Represents very outwardly and consciously or unconsciously that’s what kendall was looking for. it stems from that patricidal drive + resentment kendall’s always had for logan but ultimately i think kendall is too self absorbed to think more deeply about what stewy or his daughter might face esp in terms of the toxicity of atn or what part kendall himself plays in it all. but i think i agree with you in the sense it seems kendall does think material wealth kind of shields you from having to deal with institutionalised racism + i played back that scene and kendall says wrt to atn and waystar he’s ‘trying to keep the world safe’ for his kids so i do think that he thinks that sophie was ultimately safe from all that and he probably assumes people like stewy and marcia are too. so with that in mind i don’t think he really counts his daughter as part of the many marginalised groups that mencken demonises even though sophie as we see isn’t exempt from facing racism. like at all. as for what kendall’s stance would be on mencken if he was in that room in ‘what it takes’ i could not say for sure but i think that itself goes back to kendall not having any concrete ideology or politics except on an entirely abstract level. like mencken’s a ‘nazi’ but ‘on a business level, they need to have a relationship’ so i think honestly his stance would be completely determined by his state of mind wrt to himself and his father. but no yeah i agree it’s probably extremely difficult for stewy, marcia and stewy who have all at one point been othered or treated as nrpi by the roys while still being closely connected to it all.

[hxhhasmysoul]

Who’s the better big bro?

Killua Or Choso?

What criteria am I judging them on? Let me come up with some.

_________

Powers

Honestly love both their powers. They are both creepy, allow for a lot of creativity and look fucking amazing when utilised. On the sheer coolness of them both it's a draw for me.

I'm morally opposed to powerscaling, I do not respect people who engage in it, especially in the context of HxH and JJK because it stands in opposition to what these manga are. Also I don't give a shit who'd win a fight because they wouldn't fight each other. Alluka and Yuuji would be fucking quick friends, he'd love Nanika too and be very jealous considering the passenger he ended up with. Killua and Chousou would cry in the corner overwhelmed by the cuteness of that encounter.

_________

Protectiveness

Well both have their ups and downs.

Killua forgets about Alluka and Nanika but it's not his choice to do so. Then again he doesn't go back for them immediately but he's in the middle of the whole chimera ant debacle so...

Chousou almost kills Yuuji, though he does that because he hadn't realised Yuuji is his brother at the time.

They both play favourites too.

Killua cares only about Alluka and Nanika, not about Kalluto. I mean I get why, Kalluto is clearly mama's spy and they are a little sadist, and Killua can't stand his mum and he is trying to change himself from that mindset but yeah.

Chousou has his favourite brothers and he's ready to sacrifice the others. He's ready to make up justifications for Yuuji consuming them. It's a hard situation but yeah, he's choosing Yuuji here. And I mean, I get it, I would too.

I'd say it's a wash. in this category.

And from now on I will refer only to their relationship with their preferred siblings.

_________

Affection

They are both very affectionate. They show their love both through touch and they give verbal affirmations.

Killua is probably marginally better because he's a tad less intense, his hugs are probably less smothering.

So like Killua slightly wins here. Or loses, depends on what you prefer.

_________

Neediness

Okay. So like they are both absolutely fucking needy and clingy, same fucking energy there. They need to be needed, that's their primary characteristic, they need therapy.

It's no surprise Alluka promises to give Killua back to Gon. I mean she's just got him back and she missed him so she wants to have him for herself for a while but she knows it'll get old. She knows that if she wants some breathing room she needs to get the green boi's help to distract Killua.

Chousou has nobody left and is a child of abuse and just lost a girl that he probably liked. Yuuji is his last chance at sanity. And he needs to redeem himself so badly after not being able to protect anyone he cared for. He needs Yuuji to love him and he will fucking work for it and work for it and Yuuji will let him because he's nice like that, even if it weirds him out a bit and it's not helpful with his general trauma levels.

So like, a draw again.

_________

Responsibility

This one is hard because neither of them had a normal life.

Killua is 13/14 when he rescues Alluka and she's (if I remember correctly) 2 years younger than he is. So can a, let's be generous here, 14yo take care of another kid? Well, he was left to fend for himself when he was much younger than Alluka now and he managed. He has a pretty good knowledge of how to move around in the world. But he's also a kid with questionable dietary habits, he might give Alluka scurvy if he only feeds her chocolate and fastfood. Also will he know how to give her a more normal life? Get her to school, help her make friends? He also has a gambling addiction and has a very poor track record with his financial decisions.

Chousou has lived as a person in the real world for a few months so far. Yes, he looks like an adult and has been conscious in some way for over a hundred years. He was also likely put into an adult vessel and probably has some memories and general knowledge about how to function in the world from that. That being said it'll surely be a learning curve. Will he really be better at adulting than Yuuji who likely mostly took care of himself for years when Wasuke was sick? On the other hand Chousou will really earnestly go at it. He will become a provider as soon as he needs to, he will do any job, any number of shifts. He has this vibe. But he might not stop himself and try to parent Yuuji, there's a slight risk of that.

So I guess a draw? Maybe Chousou wins a bit here but not sure, Killua would likely be more careful around Alluka and Nanika than he was around Gon.

_________

Dumbass

They will both need dating support from their younger sibling, like 100%.

The amount of eyerolling Alluka will do because of Killua's crush is probably very high, I hope eyerolling can't damage your eyes. Nanika will likely be very confused by the whole situation, still supportive.

But Chousou is kinda fucked. Everyone, who hcs that Yuuji explained to Chousou that he and Yuki were on a date, is wrong. The fuck Yuuji knows about dating. They are both doomed in that respect, can't count on each other at all, rip.

_________

Looks

They both are very good with fashion, though we see more from Killua. So like on cute outfits Killua wins by volume of what we see.

But I don't like the white hair/blue eyes design. Controversial hottake incoming, I think Killua is kinda ugly.

So like face and general design wise Chousou wins by a mile. (in the manga, fuck mappa, may they rot, also his voice actor was shit)

_________

Queer

A queer sibling is better than a straight one, obviously. So Killua wins this one, Chousou's straight vibes are too strong, sorry.

_________

In conclusion it's mostly a draw, depends which categories matter to you most. If I missed any important categories, tell me in the notes :D

[oflgtfol]

listen i love soulmate aus but also it is fucked up how some of yall fully lean into the “in the event that a character doesnt have a soulmate, they are fully 100% ostracized from society and its seen as something fucked up about the character, that they’re broken/unloveable/evil/unworthy/etc, but also then the twist at the end is that they DO have a soulmate :D and so the happy ending is that this one character was NOT broken or otherwise fucked up! the fact that the ostracization of people without soulmates exists is never unpacked or resolved and its just brushed under the rug”

like uhm. OKAY LMAO

[pleathewrites]

boys, boys, boys

chapter 2: revelations

Summary: Does Iwaizumi have a thing for setters or do setters have a thing for Iwaizumi?

“Maybe Iwa-kun does have a thing for grey hair,” Sugawara muses, the tip of his index finger circling the rim of his drink. He’s got that signature sly smirk across the very lips that locked with Hajime's a decade ago. 

“Oh my God.” 

Hajime is seriously considering begging Oikawa to jump-serve a volleyball to his head and knock him clean out just so they can all stop having this conversation - ‘Hell, Tooru’s strong as hell now. Might knock the entire memory of this night right out of my brain, for good.’ 

“Hey, I just made out with him - and possibly gave him his gay awakening. But I wasn’t the one who convinced him to change his career.”

“Oh my God.”

“Wait, what are you - ”

“Daichi, baby, seriously, you need to go see that doctor. I am actively concerned about you developing early-onset Alzheimer's," Sugawara says, tucking a strand of Sawamura's hair behind his ear, his impish smirk melting into a fond smile, "Does Shiratorizawa ring any bells?”

“Hey, I have my own life to worry about! I’m not gonna keep track of someone else’s love life - no offense, Iwaizumi-san.”

“Hey, non-taken. Please, never think about my love life.”

Much to Hajime’s horror, Daichi’s expression turns contemplative, “Wait, actually, though -”

“Fuck -”

“… Grey hair, Shiratorizawa...” Daichi snaps his fingers and points his index at Iwaizumi with a much-too-proud smile on his face, completely unaware of the man’s rising irritation. “Yes, right! Iwaizumi, didn’t you..?” 

“Ugh, God, that one,” injects Oikawa. 

Hajime feels the vein on his forehead throb at Oikawa’s tone, “Kawa... why are you so shitty.” 

“Well, sorry, if I don’t like the edge-lord that busted my entire future!” 

“Oikawa… You are literally at the Olympics… for the second time...” 

“Yeah, with you on the opposing side,” Oikawa says with a closed throat, sliding out of the booth, and heading off to the direction of the entrance doors.

Hajime sighs.

 *

 Their loss to Shiratorizawa is soul-crushing - it always is. 

‘Always’ - that’s the most crushing thing, Hajime despairs, ‘We always lose to that school.’ And Hajime feels the blow, of course, he's devastated, but it’s not personal, hell, it’s not even for his team - ‘God, I’m such a shitty Vice-Captain.’  

No, the absolute heartbreak he feels is for Tooru.

Hajime loves his team, he believes every single member has outrageous talent, but he knows that all their abilities combined, including his own, wouldn’t even hold a candle to Oikawa’s blinding torch.

Shiratorizawa is a school for rising champions, Abo Johsai is a school for kids with talent.  

Oikawa Tooru is on a completely different level, it's a fact - he outranks his own team. It keeps Hajime up at night because he knows that if Oikawa had a team that matched his talent and ability, he would never have to experience such consistent defeat. 

In times like these, Hajime feels shameful and useless, ‘How long will I hold Oikawa back?’

Hajime knows Oikawa. He knows he’s the real reason Oikawa chose Abo Josai, that because Hajime wasn’t good enough to get into Shiratorizawa, Oikawa shackled himself to a team that weighs more than he can carry. It reminds Hajime of those free-body-diagrams from physics class that Oikawa had to explain to him ten times over; Oikawa is the upward force, striving for victory at the speed of light, Hajime is the opposing frictional force, and Abo Johsai is plain gravity times mass times sine (or was it cosine?). Hajime only managed to scrape a B- in that class, so the only answer he can give this problem is that Oikawa isn't going anywhere, any time soon. 

A harsh slap to his back snaps Hajime out of his thoughts. He jumps with the force of it and doesn’t even have to turn his head to know who’s hand is laying firmly between his shoulder blades. He keeps his eyes downcast, but Oikawa - a true Captain - doesn’t force Hajime to look at him when he firmly whispers, “Next time, Iwa-chan. We’ll get ‘em.”

Their coach takes the team for ramen, gives them a speech about being proud and working hard, all while Oikawa is making faces at Hajime from across the table and, slowly, Hajime begins to let himself smile.

Halfway through dinner, Hajime feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. Thinking it’s his mother asking when he’ll be home, Hajime turns on the lockscreen and sees it’s an Instagram notification. He unlocks his phone and swipes down his Notifications - Hajime had to reset his phone notifications to conceal messages ever since becoming friends with Sugawara Koushi because the boy has zero filter and he doesn’t need his mom accidentally seeing messages with eggplant and squirting emojis, encouraging Hajime to make ‘his move’, whatever that means. 

EITA (@notsemisemi) has requested to follow you.

Now, Hajime is confused. He doesn’t even remember the last time he posted a picture on Instagram - he only really made the account because Oikawa started crying about, “Iwa-chan, I want to tag you in this picture, people should know that you’re capable of smiling! Everyone else has an Instagram, let me make you one, you won’t even have to do anything!” - so he’s not really sure how or why a random person requested to follow him.

'Maybe it's a spam account?'

He looks closely at the username and tries to think if he knows anyone with that name. When nothing comes to mind, he clicks on the person’s account and is met with very aesthetically angsty selfies of a grey-haired boy with sharp eyebrows and deep collarbones. ‘

He’s kind of…’ Hajime tries to think of the right words. He wants to say ‘pretty’, but that doesn’t feel right - Sugawara is pretty, Oikawa is pretty. Pretty people are soft and round and peppy. This guy is… 

‘Hot.’ 

And weirdly familiar. 

He elbows Matsukawa, who’s sitting on his right, and turns his phone screen towards the boy, “Do you know this guy?”

“Hmph?” Matsukawa’s lazy eyes roam over his screen and he swallows his food before speaking, “Yeah, isn’t that the reserve setter? He came in as a sub when Oikawa hit Shiratorizawa’s main setter.” 

Like a self-conscious self-absorbed bat, whenever Oikawa’s name is merely uttered, the boy in question will hear it, no matter what he's doing, “Eh? Oikawa hit who? I swear, it couldn't have been me, I’m a pacifist!” And he proceeds to put his hands up in surrender. 

The lightbulb goes off in Hajime's head, “Oh! When Oikawa jump-served the ball at that small guy’s face? With the uneven bangs?” He makes a downward sloping motion across his forehead. 

“Yeah, that one,” Matsukawa points to the phone screen, “Pretty sure that’s the guy who subbed for the rest of the set.” 

“Yeah…” Hajime trails, before adding softly, “He was good… Wonder why their coach didn't give him more playtime.”

Oikawa’s quick-clapping hands bring Hajime out of his thoughts, “Oh! I know what we’re talking about now! First off, I didn’t hit Shorty, he wasn’t fast enough, that’s the consequence of the game! Also, why are we talking about this?”

“Iwaizumi is on the sub’s Instagram page.”

Oikawa squeaks, “Is this about your grey-hair-slash-old-man fetish?!”

Hajime groans and facepalms, “No, oh my God, stop telling people I have a fetish, Shittykawa! He followed me.”

“Block him!” 

Hajime sighs, locks his phone, and puts it away, “Just forget it.”

“Hmph. That guy’s not even first string. What does he want with our ace?”

Hanamaki joins in, “I wonder why he’s not first string, though. I’m pretty sure he’s a third year, he’s been there every time we played against them. 'M pretty sure that Shorty is definitely a second year.”

Oikawa’s face turns from snooty to serious and he crosses his arms, “He’s good, but he lacks instinct. His technique is fine, but he doesn’t have what Shorty does. Maybe if he worked harder, but from the looks of it tonight, he doesn’t want it bad enough. He’s not on Shiratorizawa’s level - maybe he was once, but not anymore.”

'Not on Shiratorizawa’s level… Sounds like we might have something in common, after all.’

That night, before Hajime goes to sleep, he accepts EITA’s follow request and follows him back.

continue to read chapter

[fysebastianstan]

Sebastian Stan jumped at the chance to try his hand at improvising for the duration of Drake Doremus’ latest relationship drama, Endings, Beginnings. Starring opposite Shailene Woodley and Jamie Dornan, Stan plays an Angeleno named Frank, whose erratic behavior complicates a budding relationship between Daphne (Woodley) and his friend Jack (Dornan). Despite being intimidated by the exercise of improvisation, Stan knew it was important for him to see what he was capable of without the comfort and safety of a script.

“I’ve always felt protected by scripts, lines and scenes. I feel like I’m one of those people who’s opened up much more by scripts. I’m not as witty on my own,” Stan tells The Hollywood Reporter. “This was one of those different experiences, and I would certainly do it again. I’d be curious to see if I could ever use parts of [improvisation] in a bigger movie… So, maybe this was a really training experience for that.”

Until the coronavirus pandemic shut down the entirety of Hollywood, Stan was just a few weeks away from wrapping Marvel Studios’ The Falcon and the Winter Soldier — the MCU’s first foray into scripted television for Disney+. Since many fans have wondered whether the show would maintain the look and feel of its theatrical counterparts, Stan is now shedding some light on how cinematic the streaming show is.

“It felt like both. In a lot of ways, it felt like a movie,” Stan recalls. “What I loved about it was that, tonally, it was very much in the same world that Captain America: The Winter Soldier was, which was one of my favorite experiences that I’ve ever had, period. So, in a sense, it was grounded and very much in the world as we know it. But, it’s also really jam-packed with a lot of massive, massive action scenes mixed with deep focus on character. These characters are getting so much more mileage for all of us to explore them. We can put them in situations that we’ve never been able to put them in before because you now have six hours as opposed to two.”

Now a year removed from the release of Avengers: Endgame, the highest grossing film of all time, questions are still being asked about Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Bucky Barnes’ concluding moments. While many fans agree with Rogers’ choice to pass his iconic shield on to Sam Wilson, there’s also a contingent of fans who wanted to see Bucky take on the mantle of Captain America from his best friend. To Stan, Steve was giving Bucky the same gift he gave himself: a life.

“Steve is saying to Bucky, ‘You’re going to go and do that, too. I’m not going to put this thing on you. We’re both going to live our lives — the lives that were actually taken from us back in the ‘40s when we enlisted,’” Stan explains. “So, that’s where I felt they were at the end of the movie. I don’t think there’s a desire or any conflicted thoughts about taking on that mantle. Sam, to me, was always the clear man to take on that mantle for numerous reasons, which also comes with so much more baggage that’s going to be explored in the show. I guess you’ll have to tune into Disney+ to find out why. (Laughs.) At the end of Endgame, for either Steve or Bucky, it’s really not about the shield.”

In a recent conversation with THR, Stan elaborates on the process of improvising an entire movie, the latest with Disney+’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and his interpretation of Steve and Bucky’s last moments in Avengers: Endgame.

How’s everything with you in New York?

It’s alright considering what people are going through out there. I’m pretty lucky. I haven’t been home in a long time so it’s been good to be home. You always feel weird when somebody says you can’t do something; It’s difficult to grasp that quickly. But, in truth, if I wasn’t working and I had time at home, I would probably be doing what I’m doing now. I’m writing, watching a lot of movies and just taking advantage of this time to chill out and get back to being present, something that is more and more difficult in our lives. I’m finding that my motivation is all over the place. Once I get to about 3 o’clock, I’m done for the day because it’s hard for me to get my focus back. So, I try to do all the important bits in the morning. Once in a while, I’ll go out for a run in the very early morning because I know nobody is around here in New York, and I was able to grab a couple of really cool stills of Times Square empty. It’s just weird, but anything to make a day go by. (Laughs.) This is where we’re at.

So, as I said to Jamie, I felt like I was invading the characters’ privacy while watching Endings, Beginnings. Did you feel that level of intimacy as a performer?

Yeah, man, it was extremely intimate right from the beginning. I was familiar with Drake’s work so I kinda had an idea going into it, but I didn’t really know what the process was going to be like. It really just started with this one-on-one meeting that Drake and I had really early on; we ended up talking for three hours about everything, basically. I don’t think either of us are small-talk guys anymore, so that felt very natural. I loved how honest he was about life experience, relationships and the curiosity of it all. So, we really hit it off. When I met him, I think I was trying to sway him to think of me as Jack, Jamie’s character. Personally, I felt a little closer to that character, but when we made the movie, Drake made me believe I was wrong. (Laughs.) We had an outline of what the movie was trying for, but the specificity of the performances, the relationship dynamics and the chemistry really made it feel like we were discovering it in the present moment on the day. There wasn’t a lot of rehearsal. Shailene came in late in the movie, and we probably had about two weeks where we were kind of rehearsing and just getting to know each other a little bit. The rest was a day-to-day, on-set trial and error in order to see what would light people up.

Since you had just come off a string of massive Marvel movies, was it nice to get back to basics with a film like this, so to speak?

Well, yeah, it’s just different. Particularly in the last two years for me, I’ve been so much more aware of directors like never before. I’ve desperately wanted to work with very specific directors — Drake being one of them. Then, when you go on that set with a specific director you’ve wanted to work with, they have a very specific vision, and I just immediately know that I’m going into somebody’s very specific vision. On the bigger movies, for example, I had a relationship with the Russos over three movies, and I knew the way they were working. Every time, I sort of felt like we were picking it back up again, but just in terms of format, structure and overall scope, I knew they were making a very different movie each time. On these little movies, sometimes, the director can take these very specific points of views, and you’re just in the hands of that. That’s what makes the experience different because it’s that director’s vision, and it’s very oriented to that particular person. That’s how I felt with Drake, and that’s how I imagine other specific directors are. I recently worked with Antonio Campos [on The Devil All the Time], who’s another director whose movies I love, and I’ve always wanted to work with him. Again, he has a very specific approach, vision and how he wants the thing to look and feel. You kind of just surrender to that.

When your character, Frank, first meets Shailene’s character, Daphne, at the New Year’s Eve party, they jokingly put distance between one another. Since many of us are now watching entertainment through our present-day lens, have you realized how ahead of the curve you were in this case?

(Laughs.) I didn’t even think about that; you’re right. It’s interesting to think because we don’t know, really, what the ramifications of this social distancing will be. We may still feel the effects of it well into the next couple years. It’s going to be a while before we get life back to “normal,” but will it ever really go back to normal? That’s the stuff that remains to be seen. I can definitely see a world where people are much more conscious about personal space, perhaps. I don’t know. Shailene and I were talking in another interview the other day, and I was like, “Listen, I know you’re a hugger — and so am I — but do you think people are going to want to be hugged by us after this?” I don’t know.

At least we can now opt not to shake hands without offending anyone.

Well, apparently, no one liked that. I was not aware that that was not a fun thing to do. Yeah, that might be gone at this point.

I got a kick out of Frank’s The Pianist reference. Did you name a different movie for each improvised take?

(Laughs.) No, that was the only time I referenced a movie. Every time it was different. One of the things that I learned with Drake really early on was to never try and do something that worked, again. That reference worked; I didn’t know he was gonna use it. Doing it again — even remotely getting close to it — goes against his way of working. You’re just recreating a moment, and he wants everything to be very fresh and in the moment. I have a friend who always picks on me for watching heavy, intense, dramatic movies by myself at home on the weekends. He just makes fun of me all the time. So, the reference came from that. I love all movies, but I just love watching the heavier dramatic movies. (Laughs.) So, it came from remembering that in the moment and just saying it. It was odd enough, but it made it.

I asked Jamie this question, but I’d like to get your take as well. How do you ensure that you’re improvising as the character and not as Sebastian?

That’s the problem. I don’t know. Even though we’re improvising as honestly as possible, we’re still kind of doing it with a direction from the outline. I think that is what gives it an element that’s still affected rather than me just going up there and saying how I feel. And then, in the editing room, which is what makes Drake brilliant at this, he finds the moments; the way he cuts is just fascinating to me. I remember saying to him, “Drake, no take is the same. I don’t know how you’re going to cut this. It’s impossible.” And yet, he made it work. He found the conversation, and he found the moments. He’s got a very specific way of cutting that I love which is the reactions and so on. He really filtered those performances in the editing room as well. There was a lot of back-and-forth dialogue between me and Shailene that never made it, but again, it’s about him picking what he feels is right for who each character is.

Did you have any history with improvisation before this experience?

No, not at all.

Were you intimidated by it?

I definitely was. Absolutely, I was. I didn’t have an audition for the movie, but I had that three-hour session with Drake where we talked about different things and topics. I think he was just curious to see how honest our conversation could go, and I just wasn’t afraid of that. It was very scary at the beginning. It’s that question you asked, where you go, “Well, this isn't really who I am. I don’t do these things that this character does.” I’ve always felt protected by scripts, lines and scenes. I feel like I’m one of those people who’s opened up much more by scripts. I’m not as witty on my own. This was one of those different experiences, and I would certainly do it again. I’d be curious to see if I could ever use parts of it in a bigger movie. Believe it or not, on those bigger projects, you do use improv. You do the scenes a couple times. You get it as it’s written on paper, and then you say, “Let’s just do this one more time and try it out this way. Let’s just see what happens and then we have it.” Sometimes, that ends up in the movie because it’s weirdly a sort of wildcard. So, maybe this was a really training experience for that.

Shifting gears to some obligatory Marvel questions… Did you shoot The Falcon and the Winter Soldier like a TV show or movie?

It felt like both. In a lot of ways, it felt like a movie. Again, we’re not finished; we still have some stuff to do. What I loved about it was that, tonally, it was very much in the same world that Captain America: The Winter Soldier was, which was one of my favorite experiences that I’ve ever had, period. So, in a sense, it was grounded and very much in the world as we know it. But, it’s also really jam-packed with a lot of massive, massive action scenes mixed with deep focus on character. That’s what’s really exciting about this. We’re getting to keep it in the world of the movies, so it’s recognizable that way, but at the same time, these characters are getting so much more mileage for all of us to explore them. We can put them in situations that we’ve never been able to put them in before because you now have six hours as opposed to two. It’s always a discovery.

Prior to the shutdown, is it true that you were only a week away from wrapping?

No, we were probably at least two or three, but don’t quote me on that.

At the end of Avengers: Endgame, between the dialogue and your performance, it seemed pretty cut and dried that Bucky knew about Steve’s plan to remain in the past with Peggy (Hayley Atwell). Were you surprised that some people didn’t entirely pick up on that?

I don’t know if I was surprised. The Internet completely misconstrued something else and made it entirely into something that it wasn’t, but later, I sort of became aware that people really felt like we needed to have more between the two of them or something. But, it hadn’t occurred to me because at the same time, that scene was saying so much with subtext. That being said, how do you put it all together in a three-hour movie? To merge all those different stories together, you could’ve had another movie of everybody saying goodbye to each other. So, I love how much people care about those two characters and that they wanted more from them, but I just took it as “This is as much screen time as we’ve got left before the movie ends.” It was already such a long movie. And then, it’s just the knowledge that these guys have always known each other’s moves, so to speak. They knew each other so well that they could say, “Okay, I know what he’s going to do, what decisions he’s going to make and I support that.” Yeah, it’s just what it was. That’s what was on the page, and that’s what we shot.

Bucky hugged Steve and said he was gonna miss him. To me, it’s crystal clear that you played it as knowing Steve’s intent.

Oh, a thousand percent, yeah. I played it as goodbye. What I was playing was, “Okay, I know he’s going, and he’s not going to come back. I can’t talk about it, because if I do, then they’re going to try and stop him from doing what he wants to do. So, I’ve gotta support that.” That’s what I was playing in the scene. Suddenly, when he shows back up again, I’m playing it like, “Oh! Well, he didn’t tell me he was gonna do that. I knew he was gonna leave, and even though I knew what he was going to do with the shield, I didn't know he was gonna pop up over there now and be older.” So, I was playing that. Look, I love a good scene with dialogue, but sometimes, I find it really interesting when there’s not a lot said. And funnily enough, it’s sort of been the trademark of Bucky. Then, you’re watching behavior, you’re watching the eyes and you’re wondering what they’re thinking. You’re more involved and tuned in. So, it’s always fun for me to try to do as much as I can without dialogue. It’s exciting as an actor because then I wonder what people are getting out of it. In that aspect, it’s fun.

Some people still lament the fact that Steve didn’t give Bucky the shield in order to take on the mantle of Captain America. Bucky may have been brainwashed, but Captain America is such a symbolic position that you can’t just write off fifty years of transgressions by The Winter Soldier. I also have a hard time imagining that Bucky would even want that role. Since you know Bucky best, what’s your impression of Steve’s choice?

The MCU — as I saw it from my humble perspective — is a bit different in that regard to the comics. Where we arrived with him at the end felt more like he was in a place with a desire for some sort of release: to start over, start life again in a way, find out who he is again on his own and leave all this behind. Yes, it all happened, but at some point, you gotta own your mistakes, what happened and try to start over. That’s where I felt like the character was at the end of Avengers: Endgame. It’s also what he wanted for Steve. Like anybody that ends up traumatized by a war experience, he was affected by it for the rest of his life. So, what felt like a desire there was for a restart — for him and for Steve in a way. It didn’t necessarily feel like the shield was gonna be that. Steve going back in time and saying, “I’m gonna take something for me now. I’ve been here for all these guys, and I’ve done the best I could. I’m just a man, and I’m going to go back and try to live my life.” I feel that is something that Bucky would want for his best friend, and at the same time, Steve is saying to Bucky, “You’re going to go and do that, too. I’m not going to put this thing on you. We’re both going to live our lives — the lives that were actually taken from us back in the ‘40s when we enlisted.” So, that’s where I felt they were at the end of the movie. I don’t think there’s a desire or any conflicted thoughts about taking on that mantle. Sam, to me, was always the clear man to take on that mantle for numerous reasons, which also comes with so much more baggage that’s going to be explored in the show. I guess you’ll have to tune into Disney+ to find out why. (Laughs.) At the end of Endgame, for either Steve or Bucky, it’s really not about the shield.

I really loved Destroyer, and I thought you were great in it. It continues to blow my mind that Karyn Kusama isn’t able to do whatever she wants. Granted, she just got Universal’s Dracula…

I already emailed her about that. I said, “You know I’m from Romania, right?” and she goes, “Yes, yes, it’s very early — and there’s a pandemic. Hopefully, we’ll see you in four years.” (Laughs.)

What comes to mind when you reflect on that experience and working with Karyn?

Thank you for mentioning that movie. I love that movie, I love her and I had such a great time on it. I would love to keep finding projects with her — projects that kind of push you in a different direction. Again, this goes back to your earlier questions about these smaller movies, and I was referencing the vision of a director, how important that is and sometimes surrendering to that. That’s what that movie was for me. Karyn saw this character and movie in a certain way, and it was my job to learn that world, the tone and fit into it. I loved her as a director because she was so specific with me from the get-go. She also really allowed me to discover it on my own. We talked about the tattoos, the look, his history… It was very collaborative before we started, and then, when we started, it was actually very specific. She was one of those directors that made me feel so safe and confident in my choices, simply by the way she communicated with me. I think that came from her absolute confidence in what she wanted and what she saw. I really wish more people had seen that movie. Maybe they have by now; I don’t know. And obviously — Nicole Kidman. It was one of those dreams to work opposite her. It was a good package.

***

Endings, Beginnings is now available on digital HD and VOD on May 1.

[hlupdate]

When One Direction went on hiatus in late 2015, everybody figured Louis Tomlinson was poised for instant pop success as a solo star. After all, he co-wrote so many of the group’s most beloved tunes. But he’s just finding his voice now. His hotly anticipated solo debut, the excellent Walls (due out Friday), is worth the wait. “It took me a second to get here,” Louis says with a laugh. “So it’s a bit of a relief. Because there was a lot of treading water.”

With 1D, Tomlinson was always famed for his cocky wit and his combative “Sassy Louis” bravado. But in recent years, he’s had to face intense heartbreak. In 2016, his mother died of cancer. Last year he released his poignant tribute “Two of Us” — but just two weeks later, his family was hit by tragedy again when his teenage sister suddenly passed away. Walls is full of personal reckoning, but it’s also the sound of a pop artist hitting a new creative breakthrough, as in the Oasis-style Britpop guitar blast “Kill My Mind.” Gearing up for his first solo tour, Louis took a break to discuss life after One Direction, dealing with grief, feuding with indie boys, turning 28, starting over in public, and how it feels to hear his ex-bandmates’ songs on the radio.

Congratulations on the new album. It sounds like you put a lot of heart and soul into it.

Yeah — I feel like I’ve been swimming against the tide a little bit. When I took the leap of faith to go, “All right, I’m going to do something on my own,” it took me a second to work out exactly what that was going to be. A lot of people, when they’re first starting out, they develop in the background, trying different things. But obviously, I had to do that a little bit more publicly. That’s been definitely been challenging at times. So I’m relieved to have an album that I’m really proud of.

People expected you to bang out something fast for a hit. Why did you want to take your time?

I definitely could have made a quick record, a more trendy record. But I think it’s a big thing for me as a writer that it’s got to be believable coming out of my mouth. So lyrics are really important to me.

You wrote so many classic tunes with One Direction, going back to “No Control” and “Midnight Memories.” But as a solo artist, did you feel like you needed to do something different?

When I first started my solo career, I did an electronic track with Steve Aoki. He’s a fucking legend. And I did a track with Bebe Rexha — she’s cool as hell. But when I look back at those songs, I don’t think they really represent me. So it took me a second to work out that I just wanted to follow my heart. Because I have the luxury of having been in a band like One Direction. And luckily, I saw a lot of success with the band. But instead of focusing so much on numbers and chart position and radio, I thought, “I’m just going to follow my heart.” And, hopefully, it’ll be a more authentic record that way.

You made that big public statement last year, where you said you needed to stop trying for Top 40 hits and rethink “what success means to me.” Where did that come from?

My only experience is being in a band the size of One Direction. So naturally, as much as you try and stay humble and realistic, that’s your experience. And that experience is based on something that isn’t real life, really. So it took me a second to be at peace with that.

You really changed gears last year, with “Two of Us.” It’s such a bold song emotionally.

For obvious reasons, that is definitely one of my proudest moments to date. As a songwriter, I’ve never written a song that had as much weight and importance, from my own perspective. But then when I was chatting to friends, people would pull me aside and they’d say what that song means to them. Maybe they had lost someone recently and they’d share their story with me. And I’ve never really had that with music before, where it goes deeper than just being a love song. That carries a different kind of weight. That’s one of my proudest moments.

It was funny because around that time, for obvious reasons, I felt really redundant creatively. I was really struggling. When I look back in hindsight, it’s because I needed to get that song off my chest. Other concepts lacked significance, until I’d fit in that song.

These days, people aren’t necessarily used to hearing male songwriters open their hearts like that.

My mum had a massive influence on my life, so there’s more of a female perspective there. And I do find it easy to speak about my emotions. I realized in my writing process, that was my ace to play — to lean on emotion and honesty. And talk about things that sometimes you’re not able to talk about.

How did you go from a song like that to a rocker like “Kill My Mind,” just a few months later?

That was written deliberately as a statement of intent, really. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, so I didn’t want to keep writing emotional, heavy stuff. So I thought it was a great opportunity to just completely switch it all, and really go in on my inspirations.

It has the pop-punk vibe of “No Control.” I loved something you said on Twitter a couple of years ago: “Remember if it’s by One Direction and it’s a banger I probably wrote on it.”

Do you know what? It’s not often I blow my own trumpet, but I thought, “Fuck it! I’m having it. Because it’s true.” So yeah, I did enjoy that.

How’s it different doing it in your late twenties, as opposed to your early twenties?

I feel like every song I write, I get better. But I tell you what, man, I am fucking conscious of my age. I’ve just turned 28 — I’m like, “Fuck me now. I’ve been doing this for 10 years.” If I do it all over again, I’ll be fucking 38, mate!

It’s an old cliche that when you go solo, you’re supposed to complain about your band and renounce them. But you haven’t done that.

Well, two things. First, I absolutely fucking love the band. I’m super proud about where I’ve come from. At the end of the day, I’m from Doncaster, and the band gave me such a nice opportunity. But also, there’s a big history of that, people coming out of bands and chatting shit. I just think they just look so obvious. It’s such a desperate attempt to try and get cool points. So I don’t think it’s authentic. I fucking love the boys, and I love everything we’ve done together. And I still miss my time with them. I think any of the boys would be lying if they said otherwise. It was a special time in our lives, definitely.

In the music you’re making separately, you’ve each got your own voice.

I think that’s a testament to this strength of us as a band, really, and what we all brought individually. And we do all have a different range of inspiration — that’s what made it interesting, both on a personality level and on a music level. I think we’re all making really fucking good music as well. So, yeah, it’s nice for me to turn up the radio and hear the boys with another banger.

What’s in store for your solo tour?

Listen, I’m so excited — I’ve definitely had my eye on the tour. Because it’s one thing being in the studio, or a rehearsal space or TV studio or whatever. But it’s another thing literally going to see the fans, being able to look into their eyes and see what certain lyrics mean to them. And just feel the energy of the room. There’s nothing like that.

With One Direction, you always made that direct connection with the live audience.

I think, to a certain degree, we were lucky in the time that we were living in. You look back to some of those Nineties boy bands, and they had to be a certain way. But we were always able to be ourselves, and I think that makes it easier for fans to connect to us. And you always want to make people feel as included as possible — everyone.

Do you have any heroes you dream about collaborating with?

Obviously, I fucking love Liam Gallagher. He’s such a incredible lyricist. Most of the time when I’m playing music in the car, honestly, I’m not that diverse. I’ve just got Oasis on most of the time.

Any other music you’ve been enjoying lately?

I really love fucking Catfish and the Bottlemen, which is ironic, because they chatted some shit about One Direction. Basically, I listened to the first album, and I’m like, “This is fucking amazing.” So I tweeted, saying, “I love this album.” And they tweeted back, trying to do the typical indie boy thing of trashing the fucking pop boys. I got a bit sour because they were chatting shit, trying to be clever, so I just boycotted them. But enough time has gone by, so I can listen to Catfish again. They do make fucking good music.

[fanficsandfluff]

Do you yourself have any Onward tickle headcanons you’d like to share?

OHOHO look at you! you finally got me off my lazy ass to write my own stuff. i just really like hearing others’ ideas to feed my fantasies, i hate making my own lol. But by popular (your) demand, I shall list my own headcanons for the Onward bros.

Ian

The film sets Ian up as the typical, super anxious, quiet, not-many-friends teenage protagonist. Which I’m always a little meh about personally, because I feel like there are so many more interesting tropes that can be played with! But I digress.... 

He’s the PERFECT candidate to center tickle ideas around, especially in the simplest sense

We see him being happy early on. He’s proud to be wearing his dad’s sweater, he loves his mom. He tries to change who he is and how he acts to make the best of his school year

You can tell his mom probably suffocated him with love when he was growing up. He reminded her so much of Wilden and she loved making her baby boy laugh. 

And Ian seems like the naturally jumpy type. If his mom pinches his cheeks, he ducks away. If Barley grabs him in a headlock, he tightens up, aware of how vulnerable he becomes. Although, there’s only so many times of being noogie’d before he just started to tune every feeling out

Ian seems like the type to be embarrassed of his laugh

I didn’t hear it too well in the movie, but I got that vibe

He also is 1000% the kind to cover his mouth when he’s laughing a little too hard

Barley HATES that! 

When he sees Ian cover his mouth when he laughs, he nudges him or playfully yanks at his arms to lower them

And that, of course, makes Ian even more flustered

That’s another thing: the dude gets so easily flustered

Cannot speak to save his life when he's tickled. He just blushes dark red and babbles and stutters through his laughter.

He also doesn’t necessarily like being tickled. He’s gotta be in the right mood to let Barley do it to him. 

But when Ian’s had just enough of Barley either playing music from his room too loud or just doing general bombastic ‘Barley’ things, Ian can get plenty mischievous

He likes being on the ler side of things more often mostly because it’s some kind of revenge on Barley

Ian’s laugh is super high-pitched and tittery

like it’s lightweight, almost

and he moreso has different levels of giggles as opposed to giggles and then hard laughter

his laugh ranges from those intense giggles to going totally silent when he’s being wrecked

Barley

My child

I LOVE this nerd

And yes I feel like I am right to crush on this cutie because he’s only like two or three years my younger 

HE’S CHUNKY, OK????

And he knows it and he hardly ever gets self-conscious about it

Good thing his mom and Ian never really mention his weight, it’s just part of who Barley is

And looooord knows Laurel would squish her chubby son’s little face and tummy and anything she could when he was younger

Wilden had a lot of fun with Barley in the early years, too

Getting his son to laugh was one of his favorite pastimes 

and he realized very quickly that he could get Barley to laugh easily

with just a funny face, sticking his tongue out, or humming a little tune and making goofy noises

Barley was smiling his whole early childhood

As he got older, Barley just tried to be a fun-loving guy

Not having a whole lot of friends never fazed him, since he had his little brother around a lot of the time

And yeah, Ian didn’t exactly share his interests, but that didn’t matter to him. He’d get him to play Quests of Yore with him someday

Since Barley is so rough and burly and goofy, it’s only natural that he also has a playful personality

We see it in the beginning of the movie when he wrestles with his mom and Ian

Laurel knows all her sons’ spots, and she can just give Barley a certain look and the kid will start giggling 

Barley also doesn’t hide his laugh

Ever

Nope

Not him

He’ll laugh just to act something out or boast

He just has a good ol’ time all the time

And. he. is. so. ticklish.

Like how could he not be?

He knows pretty much every spot on him is a huge tickle spot

And one thing about Barley is that he likes being tickled. I don’t think he’s ever admitted it publicly, but people closest to him kinda know. It’s just an accepted thing

Laurel will straight up chase Barley around the house to tickle him. And I’m talking full-grown almost-in-his-twenties movie Barley

And he’ll practically take himself down just so his mom can ‘win’ and tickle him to pieces

Barley doesn’t hide his laugh like Ian does

The neighbors down the block can hear the guy if he’s laughing hard enough

His laugh comes out in screams and then it can be full-on HAHAHA’s if you get him in a good spot

And my favorite headcanon is that, while he can take a good tickling, if it goes on too long he can get a bit delirious and his laughter just turns slightly higher-pitched. and it is the cutest goddamn sound ever.  

and he just starts lightly patting on the tickler’s hands, not having any real strength to signal that he’s had enough

and his cheeks are tinted pink and there’s tears in his eyes from laughing so much

and he gets up, groaning about his stomach hurting from laughing, earning a few more pokes to that spot

When Barley realized that Ian was intent on tickling him back, he was a mixture of super psyched and a little nervous (only a little)

cuz now his little brother had magic on his side

When they were younger, Barley would let Ian get him back for a short while to make him feel good before he absolutely destroyed him with tickles

Speaking of

Barley has huge ler energy

He’d been torturing Ian for YEARS 

And he’s a big teasing tickle monster

The teasing is his forte, and it drives Ian nuts

This boy is just so pure and wholesome and just utterly supportive of his little bro, it warms my heart

There’s so much love there

Alright, that’s my list. Please please, if you wanna know more, want me to elaborate, or have any more thoughts about the boys, don’t hesitate to send me an ask or message! I honestly probably forgot some things I wanted to say, anyway lol

[louistomlinsoncouk]

When One Direction went on hiatus in late 2015, everybody figured Louis Tomlinson was poised for instant pop success as a solo star. After all, he co-wrote so many of the group’s most beloved tunes. But he’s just finding his voice now. His hotly anticipated solo debut, the excellent Walls (due out Friday), is worth the wait. “It took me a second to get here,” Louis says with a laugh. “So it’s a bit of a relief. Because there was a lot of treading water.”

With 1D, Tomlinson was always famed for his cocky wit and his combative “Sassy Louis” bravado. But in recent years, he’s had to face intense heartbreak. In 2016, his mother died of cancer. Last year he released his poignant tribute “Two of Us” — but just two weeks later, his family was hit by tragedy again when his teenage sister suddenly passed away. Walls is full of personal reckoning, but it’s also the sound of a pop artist hitting a new creative breakthrough, as in the Oasis-style Britpop guitar blast “Kill My Mind.” Gearing up for his first solo tour, Louis took a break to discuss life after One Direction, dealing with grief, feuding with indie boys, turning 28, starting over in public, and how it feels to hear his ex-bandmates’ songs on the radio.

Congratulations on the new album. It sounds like you put a lot of heart and soul into it. Yeah — I feel like I’ve been swimming against the tide a little bit. When I took the leap of faith to go, “All right, I’m going to do something on my own,” it took me a second to work out exactly what that was going to be. A lot of people, when they’re first starting out, they develop in the background, trying different things. But obviously, I had to do that a little bit more publicly. That’s been definitely been challenging at times. So I’m relieved to have an album that I’m really proud of.

People expected you to bang out something fast for a hit. Why did you want to take your time? I definitely could have made a quick record, a more trendy record. But I think it’s a big thing for me as a writer that it’s got to be believable coming out of my mouth. So lyrics are really important to me.

You wrote so many classic tunes with One Direction, going back to “No Control” and “Midnight Memories.” But as a solo artist, did you feel like you needed to do something different? When I first started my solo career, I did an electronic track with Steve Aoki. He’s a fucking legend. And I did a track with Bebe Rexha — she’s cool as hell. But when I look back at those songs, I don’t think they really represent me. So it took me a second to work out that I just wanted to follow my heart. Because I have the luxury of having been in a band like One Direction. And luckily, I saw a lot of success with the band. But instead of focusing so much on numbers and chart position and radio, I thought, “I’m just going to follow my heart.” And, hopefully, it’ll be a more authentic record that way.

You made that big public statement last year, where you said you needed to stop trying for Top 40 hits and rethink “what success means to me.” Where did that come from? My only experience is being in a band the size of One Direction. So naturally, as much as you try and stay humble and realistic, that’s your experience. And that experience is based on something that isn’t real life, really. So it took me a second to be at peace with that.

You really changed gears last year, with “Two of Us.” It’s such a bold song emotionally. For obvious reasons, that is definitely one of my proudest moments to date. As a songwriter, I’ve never written a song that had as much weight and importance, from my own perspective. But then when I was chatting to friends, people would pull me aside and they’d say what that song means to them. Maybe they had lost someone recently and they’d share their story with me. And I’ve never really had that with music before, where it goes deeper than just being a love song. That carries a different kind of weight. That’s one of my proudest moments.

It was funny because around that time, for obvious reasons, I felt really redundant creatively. I was really struggling. When I look back in hindsight, it’s because I needed to get that song off my chest. Other concepts lacked significance, until I’d fit in that song.

These days, people aren’t necessarily used to hearing male songwriters open their hearts like that. My mum had a massive influence on my life, so there’s more of a female perspective there. And I do find it easy to speak about my emotions. I realized in my writing process, that was my ace to play — to lean on emotion and honesty. And talk about things that sometimes you’re not able to talk about.

How did you go from a song like that to a rocker like “Kill My Mind,” just a few months later? That was written deliberately as a statement of intent, really. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, so I didn’t want to keep writing emotional, heavy stuff. So I thought it was a great opportunity to just completely switch it all, and really go in on my inspirations.

It has the pop-punk vibe of “No Control.” I loved something you said on Twitter a couple of years ago: “Remember if it’s by One Direction and it’s a banger I probably wrote on it.” Do you know what? It’s not often I blow my own trumpet, but I thought, “Fuck it! I’m having it. Because it’s true.” So yeah, I did enjoy that.

How’s it different doing it in your late twenties, as opposed to your early twenties? I feel like every song I write, I get better. But I tell you what, man, I am fucking conscious of my age. I’ve just turned 28 — I’m like, “Fuck me now. I’ve been doing this for 10 years.” If I do it all over again, I’ll be fucking 38, mate!

It’s an old cliche that when you go solo, you’re supposed to complain about your band and renounce them. But you haven’t done that. Well, two things. First, I absolutely fucking love the band. I’m super proud about where I’ve come from. At the end of the day, I’m from Doncaster, and the band gave me such a nice opportunity. But also, there’s a big history of that, people coming out of bands and chatting shit. I just think they just look so obvious. It’s such a desperate attempt to try and get cool points. So I don’t think it’s authentic. I fucking love the boys, and I love everything we’ve done together. And I still miss my time with them. I think any of the boys would be lying if they said otherwise. It was a special time in our lives, definitely.

In the music you’re making separately, you’ve each got your own voice. I think that’s a testament to this strength of us as a band, really, and what we all brought individually. And we do all have a different range of inspiration — that’s what made it interesting, both on a personality level and on a music level. I think we’re all making really fucking good music as well. So, yeah, it’s nice for me to turn up the radio and hear the boys with another banger.

What’s in store for your solo tour? Listen, I’m so excited — I’ve definitely had my eye on the tour. Because it’s one thing being in the studio, or a rehearsal space or TV studio or whatever. But it’s another thing literally going to see the fans, being able to look into their eyes and see what certain lyrics mean to them. And just feel the energy of the room. There’s nothing like that.

With One Direction, you always made that direct connection with the live audience. I think, to a certain degree, we were lucky in the time that we were living in. You look back to some of those Nineties boy bands, and they had to be a certain way. But we were always able to be ourselves, and I think that makes it easier for fans to connect to us. And you always want to make people feel as included as possible — everyone.

Do you have any heroes you dream about collaborating with? Obviously, I fucking love Liam Gallagher. He’s such a incredible lyricist. Most of the time when I’m playing music in the car, honestly, I’m not that diverse. I’ve just got Oasis on most of the time.

Any other music you’ve been enjoying lately? I really love fucking Catfish and the Bottlemen, which is ironic, because they chatted some shit about One Direction. Basically, I listened to the first album, and I’m like, “This is fucking amazing.” So I tweeted, saying, “I love this album.” And they tweeted back, trying to do the typical indie boy thing of trashing the fucking pop boys. I got a bit sour because they were chatting shit, trying to be clever, so I just boycotted them. But enough time has gone by, so I can listen to Catfish again. They do make fucking good music.

[ribbithe8]

ok i’m just rambling at this point now bc i don’t want to catch up on work EVEN THOUGH I REALLY FUCKING NEED TO but ugh i know it’s only been like... what, a week? less? that i’ve gotten sucked into svt hardcore but seriously they make me so happy and i’m obsessed rn... yeah maybe it might be my routine adhd hyperfixating at it again but if i’m at the point i’m saving pictures of minghao to my phone and actually CHANGING my phone background (which hasn’t been kpop since at least 2013) that’s significant. also they have sooo many songs and so many of them are so good, and i don’t move on from music that easily/quickly as opposed to visual things. ugh i’m just like... seventeen brain worms right now. i think about minghao and i’m like sir that’s my emotional support kpop boy..... 

a couple weeks ago when christina first hit me up with the ‘so i may have gotten into seventeen’ message i was like LOL ok my biases are a tossup between joshua, jeonghan, wonwoo, and minghao and then during the in-complete concert i was like HMMM wonwoo? joshua? minghao? and still like two-three days ago when michelle added me to her svt discord server i was like uhhh am i a wonwoo or minghao stan. BUT NOW I’M LIKE.... NO QUESTION.... IT’S MINGHAO... I AM OBSESSED. i haven’t really watched enough minghao exclusive videos but i watched a bunch of junhao interactions and some of their chinese stuff and he’s like.... rather avant-garde with his approach to fashion (like a lot of his clothes i’m just like dude. why. oh my god what is with you and your glasses what the fuck are you wearing during the concert rn) and some dance/art, and really not what i go for ever (usually i immediately go for a visual or a memey member) but his resting bitch face/judgmental auntie/bitch vibe in contrast with his super cute squishy/frog grin draws me in so much LOL. like at first i saw that ‘YES! SHE IS A BITCH!’ post i reblogged last month and was like hmmmm............. reevaluating...... i see the appeal.... BUT THEN. I SAW THE WEVERSE BOYFRIEND IN BED SELFIES AND WAS LIKE................................................ SPEECHLESS.... 🚶‍♂️ WALKING AWAY....... MANY THOUGHTS...... HEAD FULL......... like “i don’t like the way these photos are making me feel, he is objectively not hot here and i’ll look incredibly straight to my friends and i will not voice my feelings lest i admit i think i have a thing for him” .... but to no avail as i so very quickly have fallen down the rabbit hole... 

also i first decided to look into svt’s chinese stuff since that doesn’t require me to be looking at the subs 100% and it helps me practice my chinese but the junhao countryside farming/cooking segment was so fun to watch he just kept climbing up i guess... he’s like a kinda judgy but loving mom and he does some silly things (tomato with a toupee...), super health-conscious, has a sharp/witty tongue, calling jun ugly in the same breath as calling him handsome, telling a fan ‘it’s because your hair’s bleached!’--oh wait i think this reminds me of kyuhyun a little actually... i guess with male idols i am drawn to the snarky kinda members. he’s also considerate though and gives thoughtful advice to people, is really serious about his goals and the kind of art he wants to create, it’s admirable... just not something i’m used to? i’m so used to liking kinda dumb or snarky male idols . err. well actually now that i think about it the last time i liked a male idol to a similar extent (past surface level, actually watching variety shows and trying to befriend other people who like them/him) was kyuhyun so i guess i don’t have much to compare to... but i do like kinda dumb male idols in general? or pretty and kinda memey BUT LIKE I SAID MINGHAO DOES NOT FALL UNDER ANY OF THOSE CATEGORIES SO THIS WAS UNPRECEDENTED. i don’t usually go for dancers!!! i almost ALWAYS go for the main vocalist no matter what, otherwise visual, and. minghao is neither. also i like guys with some meat on them/ass but hao is............... he’s......... i’ll admit he has some arm definition now like in this pic (had me going ooooooooooooooo!!!!!)

BUT EVEN COMPARED TO THE REST OF PERFORMANCE TEAM (hoshi and dino kind of have ass, so i guess that’s unfair, but jun is very lithe) HE’S... A TWIG...... and i usually strongly avoid mainland chinese members because i’m # antimainland/dalu and i usually drag my other best friend for her tendency to go for dudes who look super mainland (like you can just . see it.) despite being taiwanese and yet here i am huh 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 liking performance unit and china line best when it comes to groups too.. (booseoksoon is also good but not the same level of obsession of course) minghao just overturns all of my usual expectations/rules/habits...? i guess that’s another reason i’m so like... WOW..... MINGHAO BRAIN

and usually i also go for the more popular members i think...? like originally, joshua/jeonghan, and even wonwoo (i really hadn’t realized how popular he is LOL). i read an account of how he ducked when he noticed a fan was taking photos of him and the fan asked why he did that, and he said it’s because usually fans want photos of (other member) so he instinctively moved out of the way and that made me really sad... i think it was a while ago bc he’s way more confident and knows he’s well-loved now (i think). but yeah ugh now i’m like i kinda wanna... buy merch... BUT NO I WILL RESIST GIVING MY MONEY TO PLEDIS AND BIGHIT... THEY HAVE ENOUGH MONEY!! the only money i’ll hand over is for concerts :\\\ speaking of which svt is the only group i’ve seen twice now, which is significant i think. and basically within a year... i can’t wait for covid to end for MANY many reasons but also so if they do a world tour again or come to kcon, i can see them live again... they’re such, such good performers and so fun. i like them so much!!!! ahhhhhhhhh also i like that the fandom is fairly anti-bts lol just the way i like it.

ok wow this got long but this is what it’s like living with adhd i guess lmfao.... i think also discovering minghao loves frogs awakened something/flicked a light switch on in my head because i fucking lost my mind because...... YEAH IDOLS LIKE CUTE ANIMALS AND OFTEN HAVE ANIMAL MASCOTS ASSOCIATED WITH THEM BUT MINGHAO? LOVES KERMIT? KERMIT SPECIFICALLY???!! HE’S PERFORMED WEARING A KERMIT SHIRT AND HAS SO MANY DIFFERENT JANK KERMIT KEYCHAINS........ A MAN AFTER MY OWN HEART (also when he dragged the camera to make it look like he was holding our hand in in-complete...i got flustered but it was mostly like omg i can’t believe u)... twinning... i joked with christina that i might end up joining carat selfie day with my kermit just so i can twin with hao ALKJSLKJSDFKLJ i would only do it on private tho. but yeah like... oh my god....... it’s fate... destiny... plus i found it out the day i laughed at a bisexuals love frogs meme too.

LIKE THIS??? KERMIT HAS A HAT????

MY ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT LIKE... A LOT OF HIS HAIRSTYLES DON’T CLICK WITH ME OTL like baby this hair is not great on you.... i guess that shows the limits of my love lmfao bc i was like hm i would buy this image picket from weverse shop but i really don’t like his hair... doesn’t look good.. lmao. same with the in-complete mini photobook bc while i like his clothes i just am not a fan of the hair... his hair in the concert was so good and also his trademark brown/black mullet is superior (black is best tho) but it’s fine... i got into his black hair when he decided to bleach it again... also like whenever i look at most photos of him he is literally not my type at all but there’s just something about his face.. aura? that i’m drawn to like my brain is like you will like minghao you will constantly think about him in fact you are going to dream about him! when you have not dreamt about kpop idols in almost a decade! i guess also his kind of ‘dgaf’ vibe is appealing/funny too... like his antics in the haunted house stuck with me even when i wasn’t this hardcore into svt (i think i saw it after i went to the oty concert, so i knew his name finally).

OK BUT FR I’M OBSESSED WITH THESE PHOTOS... HIS HAIR WAS PARTED IN THE MIDDLE LIKE USUAL WHICH I’M NOT SUPER INTO BUT BC HE WAS DANCING HIS WISPY BANGS JUST COVERED HIS FOREHEAD AND ALSO... HIS MAKEUP......

i also know now (after tracing back my 20200121 oty livetweet thread) that i was in fact drawn to him during the concert too, since i made one tweet to comment on how “...and the8 is cute but also very hot” and the only other members i brought up besides my main biases at the time (shua and jeonghan) were dk, hoshi (bc he was being a meme/hoshi), and mingyu (unexpectedly cute/funny antics). SO LIKE. THE SIGNS WERE THERE. i do think it’s hilarious that while i’m obsessed with hao now, i wasn’t a year ago, and yet i still have this iconically terrible photo of him while jeonghan looks pretty

HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASIAN GRANDMA/HAG IN IT ALKSJKLDSJKSDSJKLJKLJKLSJKLSDLSDF. anyways looking back on everything and my last year journey with seventeen it’s funny that i just associated minghao with this ugly photo i took and then when i tried taking photos during the in-complete concert OF COURSE THE FIRST PHOTO OF HIM CAME OUT BAD (not as bad as this though lol).

also.. i failed to realize he’s 97 line with mingyu and seokmin which is another nice coincidence bc seokmin is christina’s bias rn and both of us are like mingyu is so fucking hot he’s literally the hottest member in svt..... like wow it just works out like that huh!!!

ok i need to actually get work done now but all these thoughts are like *running at 69mph at all times* while i’m thinking about other things. i like wonwoo a lot too and he’s so moe just sitting or doing his own thing quietly on the side... i have a soft spot for him but my mind is only minghao right now

also i think seungkwan might be higher up than jeonghan only for the fact he’s hilarious (not that jeonghan isn’t, but it’s surprising that fairy prince visual snarky liar/cheater jeonghan isn’t my favorite bc that ticks off everything i like) in his reactions and passion for kpop/history and so earnest/loving of his members, such a damn good singer, cute/squishy... i think he’s my fourth favorite? after joshua the (fairy boy) embarrassing weirdo LA burger king foot lettuce...

[shaineybainey]

“Noble Intentions”

Lab Rats [T]

The Lab Rats and Mighty Med teams face off with the greatest threat to humanity yet: The Incapacitator, a supervillain bent on becoming the most powerful in the planet. …Which makes things super awkward for Leo, considering that their newest nemesis is his father. AU. Lab Rats vs Mighty Med redux.

** DISCLAIMER: SEE CHAPTER ONE FOR DISCLAIMER **

tagging: @vcnting @clockradio93 @neshatriumphs @weareoutofmaplesyrupdave @aaaaahhhhh1234 @serpent-princess @verified-dumbass

II: On the Verge of a Storm

Leo punches in the last batch of information on the computer while a song from the newest Childish album thumps softly through his headphone. He double checks the record – approximately mid-September 1995 – just to make sure he got it right.

He huffs. All of these repetitive tasks are killing his brain cells. Day in and day out, he does the same things. He’d been an assistant for his stepfather for about three years now. He really thought they would give him a new job, especially since they have an actual school to run.

But no, of course not. All they did was stick him behind a bigger, fancier desk and change his title from Mission Specialist to Information Manager.

They’re not fooling anyone. It’s the same old job.

He sighs, leaning back on his swivel chair. He really should be out there helping them. He should be a mentor! There are some things he can teach the students.

Secretly, he finds it a little laughable that Bree really thinks she can handle the Modern Living classes. What’s worse still is that his stepfather and his brothers actually think it’s a good idea, too.

Modern Living? With a girl who’s only been out in the world for three years? What does she or any of them know about living in the world out there? They’re rich, they’re powerful, they’re good-looking. Not once in their lives had they ever had to adapt to the harsher realities of real living.

They’ve never known what it’s like to be followed in stores, to feel like people’s idea of welcoming them is by distrusting them. They don’t know what it’s like to avoid certain neighborhoods out of fear for their lives. They don’t know what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck, to see things and have their hearts break when they realize they just don’t have any money to even want for those things.

They’ve never wanted - they’ve just always had.

Wait. What are you thinking? He shakes his head then pulls down his headphones to his neck. He can’t think like this. His father thinks like this, and…

No. That doesn’t mean he’s becoming like him. That doesn’t mean he would turn into him.

Desperate for a change of thought, he returns his attention back on his task. He double checks the entire record, making sure no blank is left unfilled. Once he’s done, he clicks on Update. 

He takes a calming breath as it loads. It’s okay. It doesn’t make you a bad person, he tells himself as condemnatory feelings from earlier thoughts loom like a dark cloud at the back of his mind. It’s just not a good day. You’re just super irritated. It’s okay.

“Hey, Leo!” Chase greets as he and their father stroll into the quarters. “How’s data entry going?”

“Oh, you know. Peachy,” he tells them, grinning sardonically. “I feel like I am making such a difference in the world by making sure we know Donald the Third’s birthday is sometime mid-September.”

“You are making a difference in the world,” Donald says as he approaches the kitchenette. “You’re helping us have an accurate record on the students. Plus, we have to know when the students’ birthdays are!”

Right. As opposed to knowing when my graduation was and being there to support me, Leo thinks bitterly but doesn’t say. “How did the webcast go?” he asks his stepbrother.

Chase scoffs. “Mr. Davenport didn’t let me talk.”

“So it went great,” Donald says, grinning.

Chase rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s just find a company that will mass produce the energy transponder.”

“I…already did.”

“What?”

“As soon as the presentation was over, I made a phone call. That was it. After that, the deal was done.”

Chase frowns. “Why didn’t you consult me?”

“Yeah,” Leo chimes in. “I thought this would be your ��big project’ together.”

“Well, if I did that, then I’d have to listen to him,” Donald says, pointing to Chase. “I don’t know if you know, but he tends to drone on and on about things that no one is ever interested in.”

“Hm. Wonder where he got that from,” Leo says, brows hitched as he stares at the tech mogul.

“Well, did you at least go with a company that’s environmentally conscious?” Chase demands.

“Well, I considered that – and many, many other things,” Donald says then grins, “but in the end I just went with the one that will make me more money. Ka-ching!”

Leo and Chase watch as their father walks out of the quarters, a bottle of water in hand, grinning from ear to ear. 

Leo leans back on his chair and crosses his arms thoughtfully. “Sometimes I wonder about his fitness in being a father.”

Chase sighs. “Don’t remind me. I’ve got a feeling this won’t be the only time he’d do it.”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“What is there to do? It’s not like companies would deal with me,” Chase says. “To them, I’m just a collaborator. I’m just his kid.”

“Don’t you have a copy of the blueprint?”

Chase looks at him thoughtfully, bordering suspicion. “Are you suggesting I make deals on my own?”

“I’m suggesting you’re the other half of this project. The company he’s chosen can’t do anything unless you both sign the agreement.”

A smirk of understanding slowly pulls at Chase’s lips.

“The ball is still in your court,” Leo confirms, smiling. “The buyers can look at you anyway they want, but the fact is that you’re 18. Chase, you’re not exactly a minor anymore. You’ve got a say in this.”

Chase grins. “You know, Mr. Davenport won’t be happy that you pointed that out to me.”

Leo slowly turns his swivel chair away from his brother. “Pointed what out to you?” he feigns cluelessness before turning his back completely on him.

Chase grins as his younger brother slips on his headphones back on.

After Chase exits the quarters, armed with a tank of newfound confidence, a text message comes in through Leo’s phone.

Monday, 12:16 PM

Hey. You with your mom?

Leo frowns at his phone.

No. She’s out in Bakersfield on an assignment. Why?

12:19  PM

You’re with your family?

Yeah? Why?

You didn’t tell me you’d be there.

It feels like he had been doused with cold water.

That doesn’t sit right with him. He doesn’t like the suspicions and theories rising in his head one bit.

Dad…

Please don’t tell me you’re trying to do something

You agreed they’re off limits

I agreed YOU’RE off-limits, and your mother.

Leo gets up, taps the phone icon on top of the text messages, then places the phone on his ear. He crosses the quarters as it rings, looking around to make sure there’s no one within earshot. He walks out as far as he can from the building and from the surveillance cameras that might hear.

The other line rings for a few more seconds. Then: “Leo?”

“Dad? Where are you, and what are you doing?”

He chuckles. “I’m used to this level of suspicion from superheroes, not my own kid.”

“Because it sounds like you’re planning something.” Leo glances behind him and sees no one. He whispers, “Why do you ask me if I’m with them? You wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t think I could get hurt.”

“I just wanted to know where you are!” his dad says. It grates a little on Leo’s nerves to hear him laugh. How could he find this amusing? “What are you doing right now?”

“I’m helping out my stepdad with their student records. I just finished the last file.”

There’s a pause. “You know I don’t like you doing this,” his father finally says, and it’s not difficult to pick up on the inkling of disappointment. “You’re a smart young man. You finished high school earlier than your stepsiblings. You can create and do things no one else can! Why are you letting them do this to you?”

“What about you? You could have chosen to be a superhero.”

His father sighs. “Superheroes are fighting a lost cause, son. You know that,” he says. “And you know why I won’t be like them. They’re incompetent. Why would I willingly work alongside them?”

Leo closes his eyes in surrender. Of course. His father never liked heroes because of what happened to his family. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’ve just been super irritated today. I don’t like this at all either,” he confesses wearily. “I’m wasting away behind a desk. I know that, too.”

“You know you can always join me.”

Leo smirks. “What, and get pummeled during our first fight? I barely survived the ones I’ve gone on with my stepsiblings.” He chuckles. “You know I’m not like you. I don’t have any abilities.”

“But you’re smart. You can just put together what you need.”

“I’ve told you about the attack orbs. It ended up in a disaster.”

“Ah, it’s been a year since. Plus, I can always help you.”

Leo grins. He would never admit it, but the thought does make him feel a lot better. “You said you’ll let me choose what I’m going to be.”

“If your stepdad doesn’t promote you any time soon, I’m gonna have to change my mind. The heroes are just wasting your talent.”

Leo laughs. “Seriously, Dad. Where are you? What are you doing?”

“Nothing important. I just finished lunch.” He pauses for a moment. “I’ve been working on something. It’s all for you.”

Leo smirks albeit with his brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I’ve been thinking about your future. I’m not going to get any younger, Leo. My line of work is thrilling, and even though I think most superheroes aren’t bright enough to catch me, I know that one day someone will come along and end my career.” He chuckles. “I’m not exactly in a line of work where people can just retire. Others…make us retire.”

He knows his father is being realistic, and it’s good that he views the future with some humor. Still, he can’t look at it with the same level of apathy. “Please don’t say that. That’s not funny.”

“I’m just being real. I won’t be a good father if I just filled your head with fantasies,” his father replies. “Hey. We should meet up soon. I want you to see this one place. When will you have some time off?”

Leo thinks about it. “It’s smack dead in the middle of summer. Since I’m not a student here, and I don’t really care to stick around to be their errand boy, I’d say sometime tonight.”

“Your stepdad won’t be suspicious?”

Leo scoffs in disgust. “He’s too busy conning my stepbrother and daydreaming about more money. I doubt he has any room to think about anything else.”

“Hm. Your mom really could have married anyone else. She could have married Tecton, and I would have preferred that a lot better.”

“Usually, I would say that it’s not a good idea, but you know what? Today, I agree.”

His father chuckles. “All right. I’ll call you soon.”

“Okay. Bye, Dad.”

“Bye, son.”

Leo hangs up but stares at his phone a while. I’ll call you soon, his father says. He chuckles. He really should ease up on the paranoia.  

Urged with thoughts of hunger, he comes back into the main building then heads for the cafeteria. He thinks of the fact that he would get to spend time with his father soon. They didn’t get to hang out after his graduation, probably because his mother was there. He saw him in the crowd during the ceremony but he was gone right after.

The hopeful images of him being taken away from there bring a certain lightness to his steps. He likes the island, but he doesn’t like much what goes on between the people who live in it.

As he lists the things he’d like to do on his vacation, he neglects to notice the alert that the hydroloop is jetting inland at lightning speed, carrying with it the person he didn’t know was already coming.

[panharmonium]

For Want of a Woodwright (Part 4)

aaaand we’re back with another slice of AU nonsense! 

(parts 1-3 can be found here; original idea is courtesy of this awesome anon ask)

today’s installment is gift-fic for @ragtag-band-of-murderers, whose generous reading and commenting last week brought me such joy and truly helped me in the midst of a tough moment.  here’s a little ficlet for you, my friend - featuring a bird’s-eye view of the city, more of our fave dudes just being themselves, and a minor reference to something you already read <3

THANK YOU, as always, to everyone who’s having fun playing in this sandbox with me - i hope you enjoy some more of the boys being alive and well in the Good Timeline :D

as before, the same disclaimer applies: this is VERY rough, not meticulously edited, and not even remotely close to a final draft.  it is hardly even a first draft, in fact.  the snippets in this series are not necessarily connected to each other, or in order, or part of any actual coherent plot, and they do not directly adhere to the plan laid out in lovely anon’s original post, either; they are just snapshots of images that refused to remain unillustrated once they’d occurred to me :)

with that said, if you’re looking for more AU fun (thank you again, anon, for this ‘verse!), hit the jump!

4. solid ground

Merlin drummed his boots against the wall beneath him, the stone battlements on either side of him providing some stability for his precarious perch atop the parapet.

From his seated position inside one of the inner curtain wall’s crenels, Merlin could see the entirety of the lower town, and the outer curtain encircling the urban crush, and the Sprawl beyond, a haphazard collection of settlements outside the reach of the city walls, the Crown’s cultivated fields and pastures transforming finally into wilderness, where the land was swallowed by forest.  Directly below, the King’s Works were in full swing, the framing yard at the base of the inner curtain a picture of hustle and bustle, numerous craftsmen unloading heavy timber from a caravan of carts lined up just beside the gate to the upper ward.  A number of other beams were laid out upon the cleared earth in a predetermined pattern, and something vaguely recognizable as a pair of roof supports appeared to have already been joined together at the other end of the yard.  

Merlin had been in the city long enough to know that once the beams for this mystery structure had been measured, cut, and framed, they would be disassembled and carted off to wherever the desired building was to be erected, but he could not have explained in any detail the specific tasks taking place down below.  One worker was marking some of the timbers with chalk symbols just as indecipherable to Merlin as the runes Gaius had recently set him to studying.  Another fellow was chipping away at a beam using something that wasn’t quite pointy enough on either end to be a pickaxe.  Two others appeared to be having some kind of animated argument over a set of timbers that looked all right to Merlin, but mustn’t have been, judging by the amount of arm-waving and indecipherable shouting taking place below.

Will probably could have told Merlin more about it, but Will had not climbed into the crenel.  He stood at Merlin’s back instead, staring determinedly ahead at the distant horizon, as opposed to peering down at the framing yard’s frantic scurry of activity.  

“High up, this,” Will said.

“Saddlegap’s higher.”

“Saddlegap’s up the side of a mountain, though,” Will muttered, his eyes firmly fixed on absolutely nothing.  “Not straight up, like.”  He drummed his fingers nervously on the sharp cut of the raised battlement.  “Never been up anywhere like this.”

Merlin looked at Will, fighting a sudden, surprised urge to laugh.  “Are you afraid of heights?”

“No!” Will retorted, instantly grouchy.  He redirected his gaze - with discernible difficulty, Merlin couldn’t help but note - down to the framing yard, where a pair of tiny figures in brown and white were rolling a log over to a deep depression in the earth.  Once suspended over the hole, the log could be sliced down the middle using a lengthy pit saw.  

Merlin hid a smile.  “Come and sit with me, then.”

Will looked nauseated, though he wiped his face clean of any such expression quickly.  “I’m not sitting in there.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no room.”

Merlin scooted as far over as he could, leaving a space between himself and the merlon to his right.  “There’s plenty.  Come in.”

“I’m not coming in there.”

“Just admit you’re afeared of the drop - ”

“I am not,” Will declared, and to prove it, he climbed into the crenel alongside Merlin, wedging himself into the space between Merlin’s side and the raised masonry of the merlon to their right, sitting there with his feet dangling in the air, upper body squashed between Merlin on one side and solid stone on the other.

Will’s frame was as stiff and unyielding as the log being hewn down below.  Merlin nudged him with an elbow.  “You see?  It’s not so bad.”

“Not so bad,” Will echoed through gritted teeth.  “Right.  You’re cracked, Merlin.”

“You trust me, don’t you?”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Merlin decided not to pursue the potential truth behind that statement, for all that it made him itch.  

Later.  

They could talk about it later.

Instead, he changed the subject, and pointed at a section of the lower town, where there was a dark gap in the layered patchwork of thatched roofs.  “We had a fire over there, the other week.”

Will was not really looking.  He appeared intently focused on a cloud floating at exactly the level of his eyes.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.  Little one.  Not so bad.  But now I can’t get pies from that fellow’s shop anymore, and that’s rotten luck, because they’re really tasty.”

“What sort?” Will asked, resolutely inspecting his cloud.  “Meat or fruit?”

“All sorts.  You’ve never seen so many pies in your life.  I’d have got you one if I could.”

Will shrugged in his best ‘life is like that’ way.  “Gods rest the pie man.”

“He’s not dead!” 

“Oh.”  

“Gods forbid, Will.”

Will rolled his eyes.  “Sorry, Merlin.  Didn’t realize you were so attached to the man who made your breakfast - ”

“He’s just closed down for a bit.  We’ll have him up and running again soon enough.”

“‘We’ who?”  

“Everybody loves the pie man, Will.  It’s a neighborhood effort, rebuilding him.”

Will tried valiantly to inspect the spot Merlin had pointed at, though his cheeks paled the moment he registered just how far down the pie man’s plot was situated relative to their own spot on top of the wall.  “Bad timing for it,” he said, averting his eyes after only a brief glance.  “For you.”

“Is it?”

Will pointed at the countryside beyond the Sprawl.  “Apples coming in and all.”

“Oof,” Merlin said, never having considered this fact.  “You’re right.”

Will smiled faintly.  “Apple season and no pie man to make Merlin’s favorites.  What’s a poor sorcerer to do?”

Merlin shrugged, affecting an abjectly mournful weariness.  “Die.”

Will snorted.

“Apple pie is serious business, Will.”

“Deadly serious.”

“Obviously.”  Merlin sighed and stretched out his legs over the drop, letting them fall back against the wall with a thunk.  “I’ll nick a few apples for myself, I suppose.  The Crown’s got orchards aplenty.  I’m no hand in the bakehouse - ”

“Too right - ”

“ - but I’ll trade a favor with Gwen, maybe; I reckon she knows what she’s about.”

“Who?”

“Gwen.  You met Gwen.”

“Which one was she?”

“The one in servant’s garb.  She’s got brown skin, curly hair to about here?” 

Will nodded.  Merlin searched the mottled sea of rooftops for Gwen’s house.  Just down the lane from her cottage, smoke rose over the forge, a cloud of fumes that never truly dissipated, even after nightfall.  The smell hung in the air day in and day out, clinging to the straw in the street and the wooden struts of the surrounding structures.  Even the building itself continued to radiate vestiges of heat long after Tom and his crew had gone home for the evening.  

“I think you’d get on with her,” Merlin ventured.  “Gwen’s lovely.  She’s the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah?”  Will’s reply was some mix of absent and unconvinced.

“Yeah.  I mean, she’s nicer than you, anyhow.”

“Mm.”

“Not that that’s a particularly high bar to step over.”

“Thanks, Merlin.”

Merlin hesitated.  “Maybe I could introduce you to each other.”

“We’ve already met.”

“No, you haven’t, not properly.  You didn’t even remember who she was.”

“I remembered her.  I just didn’t know her name, is all.”

“Well, you didn’t talk to her or anything.”

“Why would I talk to her?  I don’t know her.”

Merlin squirmed in his seat, self-conscious.  “I don’t know.  I just think you’d like her.  She’s not...”  He gestured vaguely behind them, past the slope of the wealthier upper wards and back to the citadel proper.  “You know, she’s not silly like that sort.  She’s plain folk, like us.”

Will was staring straight ahead, past the crowded mess of the lower town and out to the country, beyond the Sprawl’s creeping expanse of civilization.  It was a clear enough day that one could see the hazy jut of the mountains looming in the distance, and - in Merlin’s imagination, at least - the border was there, too, and their home just beyond that, hidden in the foothills, nestled in a little valley behind the White Mountains’ far-reaching roots.

“Gwen helped me a lot when I first came here,” Merlin said.  “Taught me loads.”

“I’m sure she’s brilliant, Merlin,” murmured Will, his eyes locked on the horizon.

“I just thought since you’re here - ”  Merlin stopped himself, sitting up a bit straighter.  “I mean, not that you’re here-here, obviously; but - just staying, you know, not that you’re staying-staying, or anything, just - ”  Merlin forced himself to take a deep breath and exhale, unlocking his fingers from where they’d wound themselves into a knot.  “Since you’re here just now, I mean.  I just.  Thought maybe it would be good, you know.  For you to know some people.”

“I don’t think your friend there wants to know me, Merlin.”

“Why not?”

Will raised his eyebrows.  “She thinks I have magic, doesn’t she?”

“That’s - ”  Merlin faltered momentarily.  “It’s just Gwen, I mean, she’s - you’re my friend.  It wouldn’t matter.”

Will gave Merlin a skeptical look.  “Why haven’t you told her your secret, then?”

Merlin opened his mouth, then closed it again.  The breeze curling through the gap of the crenel was chilly, raising goosebumps on his arms.  

Will shook his head and returned his gaze to the mountains.  “Look, Merlin...if it really didn’t matter, she’d already know.  Let’s not court trouble, all right?  We’re in enough of that as it is.”

“You don’t have to be,” Merlin said, after a brief pause.  “You could go.”

Will did not reply, staring at the White Mountain like he was trying to climb it with his eyes.  Merlin wondered what he was thinking, Will with his closed mouth and his set jaw and his inscrutable frowns.  Did he wish he were back there?  Did he wish he hadn’t left in the first place?

Merlin shifted on the cramped crenel, but there was nowhere for him to go.  “I just thought...it might be good, you know.  For you.  To make friends.

“I’ve got enough friends, Merlin.”

“You’ve only got me.”

“That’s what I said.”

The line of Merlin’s body where it pressed against Will was very warm.  

So was Merlin’s face.  

Merlin was glad suddenly that there was no space on either side of them for either of them to scoot away.  He relaxed where he sat, solid stone on one side and solid Will on the other, the two of them squished and snug against each other in their shared seat.

Will’s frame was hard as a rock, though.  Merlin looked down at Will’s hands, one of which was fisted on his knees and the other of which was wrapped, white-knuckled, around the corner of the battlement.  

“You really don’t like it up here, do you?” Merlin asked, a surprised smile spreading over his face. 

“Hate it,” Will burst out immediately, with a vehement gust of relief.  “It’s wretched.  I can’t believe you’ve got me sitting up here, Merlin; of all the daft, foolheaded places for a person to be - ”

“We can get down,” Merlin laughed, climbing back over onto the walkway.  He wrapped a hand in the fabric of Will’s mantle and jostled him lightly.  “Go on, lean forward.  You’ll get to the bottom quick as anything.”

Will gave Merlin a dirty look and scooted himself very painstakingly out of the crenel, back onto the safety of the ramparts.  

Merlin, hands on his hips, evaluated Will with newfound curiosity.  “And here I thought I knew everything there was to know about you.”

“I’m not afraid of heights, Merlin,” Will said, turning to stride along the line of the wall toward one of the towers that would take them back to the ground.  

“Don’t get tetchy,” Merlin said, following him.  “Everyone’s afraid of something.”

“You’d know.”

Merlin did not argue.  Will, for all his formidable powers of perception, hardly knew how true his statement was - Merlin found something new to be afraid of every day, it seemed, now that he was in Camelot.  

“I’d never let you fall off, you know,” Merlin said, tugging open the door to the tower, the creaking hinges echoing down the darkened spiral stair within.

“Oh, aye?”

“Aye, so,” Merlin replied, ushering Will onto the staircase and nodding to a guard headed up in the opposite direction.  “And if you did fall, I’d catch you.”

“You would not,” Will scoffed.  “You’ve never caught anything so big in your life.”

“Not yet.  But I can do all sorts of new things now; I haven’t shown you hardly anything.  Gaius gave me this book - ”

Will groaned.  “Oh, Lugh, Merlin, no.  Not another book.”

“A great big one,” Merlin grinned.  

“Gods alive,” Will muttered.  “This again.”

“You don’t know the half of it.”  Merlin’s grin widened as he tripped his way down the stairs.  “Gaius has all sorts of books, dozens of them; well, you’ve been in his chambers, you already know - and he tosses them all over like it’s nothing; it’s mad; it’s like he doesn’t even care.  Most of them are physician’s texts, I mean, and that’s interesting enough, I suppose, but there’s more, Will, on the lower levels; there’s an entire library; it goes on forever, it’s got everything, it’s - what are you doing?  Where are you going?

Will had turned around and was heading back up the stairs.  He jerked his thumb upwards.  “Back.”

“What for?”

Will did not look round at Merlin, but continued to trudge determinedly up the stairs.  “I’ve decided to take the quick way down after all.”

Merlin snorted and snagged Will’s sleeve in his fingers.  Will, pulling away, put up a valiant show of resistance.  “Just let me jump, Merlin.  I can’t survive another round of this book nonsense.”

“Not on your life.  I’m not spending an evening scraping you off the paving stones.”

Will gave up and allowed himself to be pulled down the stairs, but his face wore the dark, surly look of a man marching to his own execution.  “If you try to read me anything, I’m crawling out your window.”

“Bit high up, that,” Merlin remarked mildly, “for a fellow who’s just discovered he’s afeared of heights.”

“I am not afeared of heights,” Will snapped.  Then, in his most stubborn tone, he added, “The higher the better.  I don’t want to suffer.”

Merlin laughed.  “You might’ve thought on that before you went running off to Camelot, William.”

Will’s face changed slightly.  “Aye, so,” he replied, a touch of something grim in his voice.  “So might you have done, but that’s neither here nor there.”

Merlin bit his tongue on an uncertain reply and shoved Will out the door at the base of the tower, out of the stuffy shadows of the staircase, into an overbright, sunlit afternoon.  

Later, Merlin thought, chivvying Will across what was supposed to be solid ground, though Merlin wasn’t sure, now, if they had really made it to the bottom, after all, for all that there was grass and good earth under their feet.

They could talk about it later.  

[eldritchsurveys]

956.

Created by Guia from scyphozoan 1) What way of self-care do you enjoy the most and what feels more like an obligation? >> I enjoy trying to find the things that make me feel fulfilled and inspired and joyful (although sometimes it’s harder than it sounds, it’s still something I don’t mind putting energy into), and I enjoy trying to find ways to connect to myself as opposed to run away from myself. Those both feel good and gratifying on a more immediate level. I do not enjoy taking care of more mundane and physical aspects of my existence, I definitely regard that as an obligation (or routine maintenance) rather than something I actively enjoy doing or actively feel fulfilled by. 

2) Have you ever tried specific diet plans or fads? What made you do it and how did it turn out for you? >> No, I’m pretty repelled by fad diets and, basically, any random person telling me how I should be eating (especially if there’s some kind of proprietary shit involved). Eating really isn’t that fucking complicated -- although admittedly sometimes it can feel that way considering how much capitalism has fucked the most basic things up for us -- and I’m tired of being sold this party line that I have to micromanage my diet like some kind of neurotic in order to be “healthy” (imagine really exaggerated air quotes there). So, no. I eat what feels good to eat, and most of my diet management is actually about being more conscious about where my food comes from and how much processing it goes through and whether it’s locally and [reasonably] ethically produced or not, that kind of thing. 3) When was the last time you prematurely quit something you had already committed to? How did you feel about it afterwards? >> I don’t remember. I don’t think I usually have much opportunity to do this. 4) How honest are you in your surveys? Have you ever felt the need to lie or avoid a question for any reason? Is there any topic you find too personal to talk about? >> I think I’m completely honest. I don’t lie on surveys, unless I’m unconsciously lying to myself about something (and I don’t think that’s the same thing as intentional dishonesty). I don’t literally say everything I think and feel about every subject, but I wouldn’t call that dishonesty. And, yeah, there are certain things I won’t discuss in detail in a survey answer, and that’s largely because other people have access to these things, and I don’t think certain elements of my life experience should be discussed openly in such mixed company like that. I have a private journal if I want to elaborate on anything to myself. 5) If you have a partner, how often do you need or want to have sex, ideally? What would you say are the common challenges you encounter in keeping a healthy sex life, if any? If you are single, how do you maintain your personal sexual health? >> I don’t have sex with my outworld partner. (There aren’t any real challenges with my Inworld escapades, which is largely why I enjoy them.)

6) Do you know anyone who has been directly affected by COVID-19 e.g. testing positive, losing a loved one, or their job due to the pandemic? >> I don’t think so.  7) If you cook, do you remember when and how you started learning? Is there a recipe you enjoy making more than others? If you don't cook, where do you get your meals from and how do you usually decide what to get? >> I technically do know how to cook, I just... don’t cook. It doesn’t spark joy. Sparrow, on the other hand, loves cooking, so it works out. 8) What items do you not mind splurging on? Do you tend to subscribe to the thinking expensive = good quality? >> I don’t enjoy splurging on anything because I have a low income and spending money always feels risky no matter what the fuck I’m buying. I prefer to buy things of higher quality if I can because... that’s what I like. I like things of value. Unfortunately, I don’t always have the actual ability to buy the higher-quality (and usually higher-priced) thing, so it’s a balance I always have to strike. Sometimes I get lucky -- for example, that COVID Stimulus Package thing enabled me to get my first pair of Bose headphones and I am very appreciative for that opportunity because I’ve wanted a pair for years but could never come even close to affording it. As far as “expensive = good quality”, I do know that that’s not always the case -- capitalism ruins everything, like I said, and sometimes shit is just expensive for no ass reason (brands are a curse). But it is true in enough cases, is all. 9) Is there a kind of music you only prefer listening to during specific type of activities that you otherwise wouldn't enjoy under normal circumstances (e.g. EDM while doing sports or instrumental music while studying, etc.)? >> Hmm... no, I don’t think so. 10) If you had to start a YouTube channel and motivations/skills/resources/any other inhibiting factors weren't an issue, what would it be about? >> I don’t want to start a Youtube channel, though. I’m perfectly content watching other people’s channels. 11) What's one thing that would make your life perfect right now? What's stopping it from happening? >> Nothing would make my life perfect. Which is fine because perfection doesn’t interest me. My life is actually pretty good, considering 1) the state of my brain and 2) the state of the world, so. 12) Name something from or about your teenage years that DOESN'T embarrass you: >> Nothing about my teenage years embarrasses me. I’m mostly sad and angry about the shit that went down in my teenage years, not embarrassed by my reactions to it or what kind of person I was. I’m kind of fiercely protective of my younger self, because, by god, someone has to be. 13) Has anything ever happened to you that if you told someone about, they would think you're making it up? >> Yeah, there’s a couple of things like that. Some of them are good/funny (the whole Voltaire incident) and some of them are pretty sucky (being put on probation at 13yo for pretty much nothing, and also being put in juvie for a week because... other teenagers started fights with me... none of that even makes sense to me and I’m the one who went through it). 14) What do you think of gossips? Have you ever been guilty of gossiping yourself? How about a time when you've been a victim of one, or have had to distance yourself from someone because they couldn't keep a secret? >> I don’t really care about gossips. It just doesn’t affect me either way. Sometimes I’ll engage in some light gossip for funsies, but I avoid anything that reads as flat-out malicious to me. That’s all. 15) What travel destination or popular spot have you been to that you found overrated? What about a lesser known place that you thought was a hidden gem? >> Meh. I mean, I used to live in NYC so there are a lot of places I’ve been to that don’t strike me as particularly remarkable but other people go apeshit over, but that’s just the “living in a tourist city” experience. I think it’s awesome that other people enjoyed those things, and I’m glad they exist for other people to enjoy.

[pilferingapples]

Beeble Mis 5b : Who Gave You A Gun?!?

PREVIOUSLY on BBC Les Mis: it was Barricade Time, babey!

 I’m trusting people better with geographical/layout descriptions than me will take this one. But other points:

- I give Wardrobe hell in this show and I do not take it back, but also let me say they’re doing a solid job on lower-class clothing. I especially like the poor woman in the march whose outfit is almost complete but her overblouse is too small and shows the lacing of her corset at her waist-- not sexy at all, it looks exactly like what it is, not being able to make/afford a top that really fits.

- ... A Riot Occurs! And okay yeah, listen, I’ve been trying really hard to evaluate this show as This Show, just an adaptation of the book, as Davies emphasized it was. But this is a very 2012 way to film the chaos as the riot erupts. I’m not saying it’s bad! I actually think it works! I just also think it’s Very Samey, and there are other ways to film chaotic sequences.

- The worker from The Something Cafe earlier (who I think may have been the one Enjolras saved earlier too?) comes up as they’re starting to build the barricade and is all WELCOME COMRADE and they are obviously really solid with each other and why Why WHY isn’t this worker just Feuilly?!? Enjolras has a canonical Worker Activist Bestie! It would have been a fine thing to go with! 

...Were they afraid of mispronouncing “Feuilly”? because. I could understand that.  

- “There’s only one line of attack!” says Enjolras and okay this is the kind of thing that people in genre shows say before being attacked from behind but it’s also like the whole deal with the Corinthe barricade so

- there’s a flag that I *think* has the date of the July Revolution on it?  Not sure? Can anyone confirm? 

- Grantaire grabs HALF A STOOL yes very good Grantaire 

- Matelote is here! With a cockade in her hair! Slapping Grantaire in the face AS HE RICHLY DESERVES 

- I am loving this HISTORICALLY ACCURATE multiracial and multigender crowd! Thank you!

- And now it’s time for COMEDY JAVERT!!!  He is going to the barricades in his STEALTH CAP because he cannot  TRUST anyone else to apprehend Jean Valjean! Who will definitely be IN THE VERY CENTER of the rioting! At...a  small barricade..on an obscure street... with only 40-50 defenders...

you know if the IRL Official Intel had been this Hot and Happenin’, Charles Jeanne and Co. might have won:P

-BACK TO THE BARRICADE BUILDING, Gavroche steals the Mean Barber’s Plaster Head and Wig for and brings it along? for reasons?? , and then encounters Mabeuf 

--okay Mabeuf being here is a Great Example of the way this series so often brings in canon details but gutted of the context that really makes them matter. We’ve seen nothing of his slide into poverty, his struggle, his desperation; there’s no reason to think there’s anything to him showing up (with tricolor sash!) except a genuine determination to Do His Part. I’m not sorry he’s here; I’m sorry it doesn’t tie in with anything else more. 

- ...if Feuilly were here they’d be building a better barricade 

- JAVERT IS HERE! ON THE CASE! TRACKING DOWN THE NOTORIOUS REBEL JEAN VALJEAN I’m sorry this is forever hilarious ACTUAL DIALOGUE:

Javert, Super Casual: Is a man named Jean Valjean with us?  Quinnjolras, who very realistically has no idea who tf JVJ is:  Not that I know of  Javert, Super Smoothlike And Very Casual: He’ll be in the thick of it,MARK MY WORDS

Sadly then we of course cut to : Jean Valjean! or rather Cosette, trying to sneak out past Jean Valjean. And Marius! Sneaking into the Garden House! 

And it’s all very nicely paralleled with them both being quiet and Marius is looking in a window and Cosette has her hands on the doorknob to step outside 

and VALJEAN ATTACKS HER FROM BEHIND LIKE A HORROR MOVIE MONSTER 

HOLY SHIT 

she screams and begs to be let go, and he just! won’t ! he keeps Ever So Calm as he physically restrains her, calmly telling her that oh, it’s dangerous Out There, as opposed to in HERE, with a frigging superhuman keeping her restrained 

he finally lets her escape back up the stairs and she yells I HATE YOU which is honestly seeming less Spunky Teen and more TOTALLY JUSTIFIED ACT OF BRAVE DEFIANCE  holy shit 

holy shit 

I hate this Valjean so much y’all, this is so bad  

the camera pulls away and shows us he is A Sad but !! I don’t care! Don’t PHYSICALLY RESTRAIN YOUR TEENAGER AND LOCK HER IN THE HOUSE 

at this point in the recap I actually had to take a break and get some tea because holy shit  

but okay. Okay. I’m back. 

--and the scene is MERCIFULLY back to the House With Gardens In, where Marius is having an Existential Crisis and Eponine...is trying to convince him to live? and hook up with her?  But she Name Drops the Chanvrerie Barricade apparently by mistake, here because this is the Les Mis where Women Aren’t Given Much to Thinking, and so Marius goes off to Die , as Marii do

then it’s back to the barricade! Where Courfeyrac , Mabeuf and Gavroche arrive at the head of a bunch of new recruits! Through the alley....into the barricade with only One Line of Attack...hhhhyeahhh. I . I get where like you couldn’t do a MASSED charge from that alley but it would be REAL easy to do a smaller distraction sortie? I think? 

eh, I’m not Battle Tactics Blogger , back to the plot. 

Gavroche spots Javert and immediately rumbles him; Enjolras and Courfeyrac and Not!Feuilly etc seize him and take him hostage. Go Team! 

And then it’s evening,and all across Paris the lights are...doing things and people are singing!

But There is No Joy in Corinth, Except For Me! because Javert is tied to a post! and HILARIOUSLY YELLING ABOUT JEAN VALJEAN.

Actual Dialogue: WHERE IS HE! YOUR LEADER! JEAN VALJEAN!

I’m glad Quinnjolras thinks this is as funny as I do 

Javert, to a group of armed revolutionaries: You’re mistaken, my friend! You’ve ALL BEEN LED ASTRAY. 

Javert, my guy, I hate this Valjean too, but I don’t think he’s behind POLITICAL ISSUES IN PARIS. 

Quinnjolras gets a We’re Not Assassins line when Gav makes to shoot Javert; I am pleased!

Meanwhile Not!Feuilly and Friends are outside watching the barricade; they call that the first charge is coming. 

The first charge goes pretty well, Dramatic Fight Scene wise! Quinnjolras gets the barricade to use Good Bullet Economy, and is convincing as a combat leader, at least in this moment. Courfeyrac...gives the impression of being someone totally new to this, but getting the hang of it. Gavroche is Super Pumped and kills someone with Javert’s musket I think? (WHO GAVE HIM A GUN). (Bossuet I am pretty sure is killed.) And Grantaire, who has a gun somehow (WHO GAVE YOU A GUN)...gets an actual look at violence and shuts down. For any of the others,I’d be deeply annoyed by this, but it’s a good way of showing the basic Issue here: Grantaire has no real violence in him. He can be a jerk , but he doesn’t have the conviction to carry himself over the horrors of dealing real harm or real death--or seeing it come to others. War is genuinely awful! and he’s really not capable of this.  It’s a good moment, and fits with the new way they’re doing his arc so far. 

...and then as I’m appreciating this, and as the barricade is celebrating, it’s time to Raise the Flag! And Mabeuf volunteers! And Quinnjolras is like”hahah no grampa it’s fine” and Mabeuf says “I said I’ll do it”, and climbs up the barricade all awkward. And Not!Feuilly looks over at Enjolras like ??? and Enjolras does that shrug that means ‘Hey I Tried But Grampa Won’t Stop’ and Mabeuf puts up the flag and everyone goes YAAAAAY and Marius sneaks onto the barricade and Mabeuf gets shot. 

And I just...it’s Shocking and it’s Sad  in a Hey An Old Man Died sort of way, but it’s All Wrong for tone and context. The raising of the flag is supposed to be an obviously dangerous, essentially suicidal  act of courage, that requires stepping into the line of open fire ; something even Enjolras hesitates to do.  Mabeuf’s courage terrifies  everyone , terrifies Enjolras ; Mabeuf inspires them all by his willing sacrifice, and becomes to the barricade a reminder of the courage of the Grand Revolution. 

Here, putting up the flag is A Bit of A Chore; no one seems very tense about it; everyone’s watching calmly and laughing and cheering as it goes. Mabeuf’s death is Shocking, a Reminder that There Is Danger , not a foregone conclusion (and of course�� there’s no mention of the original Revolution as a positive inspiration). We, the viewer, don’t know about Mabeuf’s downward spiral in life, so we can’t link it to this decision, can’t see this as an act of protest and despair.  Courfeyrac doesn’t know Mabeuf, so he doesn’t correct Enjolras on Mabeuf’s politics; he just seems shaken and lost by this Unexpected Death.

Mabeuf’s death is, essentially, reframed, from being a conscious, heroic , inspiring sacrifice to group of fighters who felt their courage wavering, to a Sad Loss That Awakens Everyone to The Horror Of Battle. Someone might like this choice of approach more; but it IS a choice, and a heavy one in terms of symbolism (even as it loses the commentary on symbolism!).

Anyway. Next wave of combat happens, Grantaire Nopes Out into the Corinthe (WHO GAVE YOU A BOOZE), Gavroche heads back into combat with a pistol (WHO GAVE YOU YET ANOTHER GUN)  Marius RAUUUUGHS up and into Battle with the Gunpowder. It’s good! Kind of hilarious but good! The Barricade Is Saved and also happy about it  instead of scolding him! GOOD ! 

and then Marius has a whole “it’s EASY when you DON’T VALUE YOUR LIFE” bit and Quinnjolras is like “Ungroovy , Comrade Buddy” and Marius walks down to the street level and a guard is Still Alive!1!1, and shoots at him! and hogad, Eponine sort of . Hurls herself across screen and falls in a heap RIGHT AT THE FOOT OF THE MAIN PASSAGE ON THE BARRICADE and Enjolras shoots the guard and is like “see some of us still value your life you drama llama” and i just 

are they gonna move her or 

--anyway , her Death Scene is very good until the odd change in final line; the shift from “I believe I was a little bit in love with you” to “I really did love you” is actually! a pretty major shift! but whatever  ; Erin Kellyman did a wonderful job with the whole scene and for once I believe this Marius is truly sad at the passing of a life

The next bit with the letter is really cool! Let me give credit for that!  Marius reads the letter Eponine gave him, while Valjean discovers Cosette’s blotter and reads it in a reflective plate-- a nice bit of symmetry and a cool way to use a book detail to unite the branches of the story! Valjean realizes Cosette is already lost to him-- “in her heart she’s gone” -- and I could not care less for the grief of Shouty Dragsalot, but it’s well acted for the person this Valjean is. 

...and then Gavroche shows up with Cosette’s letter, and we get THIS 

as Valjean JUMPS AT AND GRABS A CHILD and rips the note from his hand, and then growls at him to “hop it” until Gavroche does, in what is a really nasty echo of the Petit Gervais scene 

and of course he reads Cosette’s letter and grabs a knife (WHO GAVE YOU A KNIFE), and heads to the barricade, where Javert lifts his head, alert, as his Valjean sense activates again.

...y’all I’m making as many jokes as I can but I am grieving for how horrible this Valjean is and how much more Cosette has to endure because of it?? this is grim.  And while I know of course this series will stick to the plot of the book, it really would feel the most consistent for this Valjean to just flat out commit some good ol’ muderin’. 

Well maybe JAVERT, SUPER POLICE PRESENCE will stop him!   And save the poor barricade fighters from his malign influence! and then everyone can go get some cake with Cosette and Eponine and Mabeuf will make a Miraculous Recovery!  That’s probably how it will go. No need to worry! 

[deniigi]

tuesday again, another question!! hdhshs, so, murderdock. how does he interact with the others, if at all? i read through gwens comics, and hes very interesting as a character in ways i dont want to spoil for anyone who hasnt read gwens comics, but. in comparison to inimitable!matt, dfv!matt, and itsv!matt hes very. hm idk but? just??? how does his interactions go with everyone else?? does he ever talk with them, or with any of the foggys?? (his own included hfdb) sorry for rambling im justahhsh

Lol, so.

Long fucking answer ahead.

Murderdock hates everything and everyone and his interactions with almost all the others from other verses are forced at best and hostile in general. He only interacts with people in under fire because he has no other choice. He would never go out of his way to engage with anyone from another verse on his own volition.

That said, in that space in under fire when he has to interact, he is intensely on edge and closed off with basically all of the others, but especially the Matts and Foggys. He hates Big Red/IniMatt. Hates him. With his whole being. Because he’s all over there, touching his Foggy and being careless and emotional all over everyone and being all fucking big and stuff. He makes Murderdock self conscious because he, himself, is so bony and shit and he can only imagine that Big Red is like, stupid handsome and charming and good and everything that Foggy would ever want.

Murderdock is jealous, essentially. But emotions are hard, so rather than interpreting/understanding this as a type of envy, he decides that it his discomfort must coming from the fact that Big Red is the greatest threat in the room as he has similar training and more experience and muscle/weight on him. So naturally, he must die.

Little Red (ITSV Matt), Murderdock hates because he’s young, shy, and unsure of himself. Little Red’s cards are all close to his chest, but the way he moves and talks and exists is generally wrapped up in a lot of insecurity which is recognizable mostly only to other Matts and Foggys. (Peter sees his friend’s insecurities, but Miles and the other Spideys don’t). Because he’s a little naive and soft, he is dumb easy to manipulate, which Murderdock uses to gain more control over his situation in under fire.

Essentially, Little Red makes Murderdock uncomfortable because he lays bare a lot of his own underlying insecurities (why am I like this? Can I ever change? Is there a place for me in this universe? Will I ever get better? Will things ever feel less bad? Do I deserve happiness?–these types of things) and so Murderdock decides that he also must die.

In terms of people who Murderdock does not immediately hate, mostly it’s IniFoggy. He does not understand why he likes IniFogs, but he finds him extraordinarily comforting. I’ve talked before a little bit about how Murderdock is kind of a sub–he’s just in supreme denial of it because of his control issues. IniFoggy, however, has spent ages wrangling Big Red into a semblance of humanity and so does not have time or interest in entertaining either of the younger Matts’ nonsense. He takes control of the situation when he meets Murderdock and gives him very clear directions and explanations with just enough wiggle room for some personal choice. Fogs does this because he’s learned that Big Red, left to his own devices, tends to choose poorly when faced with too broad a selection of choices/behavior. When the choices are limited in some way, he tends to choose better because he can think through some of the consequences more thoroughly.**

**this isn’t like, a huge thing or a well-thought out thing at all, I want to clarify. It’s more like, Fogs saying to Matt, ‘We can either order food in or make something at home. If we order in, we still need to go to the store to get breakfast for tomorrow.’ Laying things out like this kind of helps with some of Matt’s impulsive behavior. It doesn’t really help with his fighting or anger issues, but it helps with some of the little things.

Murderdock doesn’t know that this type of structure is helpful in reducing some of his underlying anxiety/depression. He exists in a highly structured world which requires constant vigilance and politics, but outside of that, on a personal level, he lives in a space with almost no structure at all (because he’s got no one around him who he cares about enough to build routines and behavior around). And that lack of structure makes almost all choices feel meaningless and that makes him start spiraling into anxiety and depression.

IniFogs, however, knows right off the bat that this erratic and violent behavior stems from a place of helplessness and insecurity without having to probe and being known at that level without someone having had to ask is both terrifying and comforting as hell. So when IniFogs tells Murderdock to do something, he feels like it is somehow in his best interest to follow the order, and then Fogs will reward him with positive reinforcement (physical touching, calmness, praise, the dog) and this is something that Murderdock is not used to and which he likes a lot.

When he and DA Fogs were rooming together in law school, DA Fogs did a little bit of this without realizing he was doing it, as it was just second nature to him. So even before he met IniFogs, Murderdock was drawn to DA Foggy because he provided comfort in the form of structure. DA Foggy also has proven that he is somewhat willing put his trust in Murderdock when the situation calls for it, and also not violently opposed to his presence in general and that kind of thing is a little intoxicating for Murderdock. He hasn’t found that with other people and he, on a few occasions, accidentally drops the Murderdock persona and does something which makes DA Fogs laugh or smile or generally be fond/nonjudgmental and Murderdock’s kind of caught in his tracks, trying to figure out why that was so easy/refreshing.

The problem is that he cannot, for the life of him, make himself drop the persona for long enough to actually talk to DA Fogs like a person (because he’s shy and and doesn’t know who he is without it) and so all their interactions revolve around some kind of work thing and then end with Murderdock fucking them up by being unable to control his impulses to do bad things or be a smarmy dick.

So yeah. Long story short: Murderdock hates everyone from the Inimitable and ITSV verses except Inimitable Foggy, and he talks to no one ever because he doesn’t like being confronted with versions of himself and others who force him to be self reflective on his own behavior and actions.

PHEW. Great question!

[ashenwolfforestvisuals]

The law of attraction as you have come to know it is pure crap and I’m going to tell you why. Good afternoon ! Beautiful butterflies . I want to talk about something epic and genuine that’s going to change your entire life and that is conscious creation . If you understand that we are in a universe that is based off of oneness , and everything IS you . Then you understand that in this mirror reality everything that is physical is mirrored to you by your physical expression . Your physical expression is made up of the mental body the emotional body and the physical body . Everything that is apart of your physical reality including your own temple vessel is reflecting to you from your inner worlds . The thing is when it comes to conscious creation most of us. Have no idea what free will actually means . Yes we are all one and yes we are creating our expression from the higher dimensional aspects of us however I am talking about full conscious creation from the perspective levels of our physical embodiment . Now I am going to tell you the number one secret how to master your inner worlds . The subconscious mind and the emotional body . The central identity you identify with is only 10% of the actual subconscious world within you . Ever heard of an iceberg . While that %10 sticking above water that feels so massive to you , is actually only a small portion of what is actually going on underneath the surface of your inner oceans.🌊

I have been diving into my own inner oceans and just to give you a small idea - as much as a conscious person I thought I was , the last six months have been nothing be me going through entire journals in a day working with inner parts of me that are not in alignment with me being here with you Guys . They don’t want to be a leader , they don’t want to be seen or heard. They don’t want to have to deal with haters . They are in resistance to everything my conscious mind identifies with . The parts of you that are internal are opposed to what your central identity says you want and desire more than anything . These are fragments of your consciousness that came around with trauma . Because of the experiences they have lived; they don’t see things the way you want them to or the way your higher mind sees things . As above so below . Exactly like our higherself is the extension of our physical self . Your subconscious mind is the lower worlds of your mind . That means that even the thoughts you are thinking consciously are usually the higher vibrational set point of your mind already . So it’s actually the lower worlds that we need to be paying attention to . If you have heard about law of attraction through positive mindset focus at all, I want to be honest and say that’s not at all how I believe we need to be going at manifestation and conscious creation and free will . There’s a small portion of mindset work that is positive that I agree with but bluntly most of the information out there on this subject so far is actually pure BS . This is not to offend anyone who feels attached to this work, however there is a massive part of reality that these methods are missing and I’m going to explain this to you in more depth now , so if you are open to hearing a new perspective: keep reading. When we look at the world around us we see people everywhere who desire things and who don’t have those things they desire, if we live in a LOA universe how is this possible ? Well ... they don’t actually feel in vibration with their desires , they are thinking about their desires from the lack of and the desperation for instead of becoming the vibrational set point to receive that thing . Okay so I mentioned something pretty bold - earlier . Why do I feel the law of attraction as you have come to know it is pure crap , well it’s because of the very same thing I just spoke of , people are choosing to say mantras and push positive beliefs about their lives through their conscious mind but they don’t actually feel in alignment with those thoughts on the other %90 of their subconscious layers . The reason you see law of attraction coaches working and people living this level of consciousness making lots of money and running multimillion dollar industries are for a couple of reasons which I want to talk about a) a lot of these people already have subconscious intentions to be in alignment with running high dollar businesses . B) a lot of the work that is done through this type of law of attraction has two downfalls one a lot of the time people cannot continue to manifest without their coaches pumping them up and feeding the aspects of them that already are in alignment with what they want so it doesn’t end up consistent all the time and also when it is consistent a lot

Of the time there is huge maintenance to these aspects . It becomes a constant war of feeding the parts of you that want what they want with so much energy that they win what they can against the more vast ocean of your inner worlds that don’t want that . Now I still haven’t really explained why these methods of law of attraction are bullshit in my opinion . So I want you to imagine an inner war - of selves or aspects of you that are split and holding different perspectives and opinions . They are fighting between visiting your utopia and running in the opposite direction towards a dark cave . The parts of you that want the utopia will definitely fight harder for what they want when you feed your conscious mind with positive focus - however what happens in a war when one side starts putting up more effort , do you just lay down your guns and allow yourself

To be killed NO you fight as hard as you possibly can because it is survival . Positive focus is equivalent to giving your desires better guns . This is thing I don’t disagree with positive focus done right . I genuinely believe that we can awaken parts of us that are positive that never existed before, however when we are shifting core beliefs , of the subconscious we need to be extremely careful not to bulldoze these parts of us in resistance with positive thought . It doesn’t work . Imagine a small child crying on the floor convinced monsters are coming for her and someone comes up and says your fine , we create our own reality, just stop being afraid of the monster and you’ll be fine . Yeah how about no. We need to understand that positive focus can be incredibly beneficial , like connecting with Mother Earth and feeling her love or acknowledging when you are receiving love and really spending time creating feelings of abundance or joy within your body . However we need to stop thinking that it ends there . We need to stop thinking that we can somehow make the negative disappear or be forced out with more positive force . This is a war . Your waging a war on yourself . We need to talk to the parts of us who want to run and hide in a dark cave for the rest of their days . We need to validate their pain and help heal their wounds , we need to help give them a genuine resolution of experiencing the monster not hurting them instead of just telling them to pucker up that bottom lip and be fine with it. When we actually work with these inner worlds the correct way and stop bulldozing them down but instead communicate with them . We can move worlds . We are so fucking powerful . We literally are this entire universe all around us that most people feel is separate from them or out of their reach.

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