#but like. sometimes i wish i lived in a city w a gay bar. you know? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rawrmeansilyindinosawr · 2 years

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THE L GOT YASSIFIED N GHANDI IS AT 14TH ST UNION SQUARE!!!!!!?!??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the L stawped being a cunt on the weekendz w it’s fuckin delays n got individual seats that don’t clap back when u sit down ! Altho i am a “clap back “ advocate (Let ur cheekz Speak if they must ) i do wonder why

why is it always so awkward to hit on someone on public transit ?

we sit across each other staring each other down n i wish u were clumsy enough.

to leave a bag or your phone or wallet on the seat so i could say something to you but nothing is scripted here on this island of a city. there are only real moments. and this includes the pain in the people watching cuz sometimes we just end up watching them live their lives so much so in admiration we watch them leave.

I wrote dat ab some rly long white person with a maroon jumpsuit. N i don’t hav the energy to post a misc connection on Queer craigslist /LEX soooooo. Whut eve.

Dis week i hav been severely depressed n isolative besides for the day that the pilgrims decided to say it wuz the day that wuz gonna b ab slaying n giving . i ate sum dead bird n made sure even their bone marrow life mattered n cartilage cuz post veganism n peta rites advocate type beat a life is a mf life . Hoe .

Mi boss at union square Market s@id she saw her nekked neighbur whilst walkin around the duck truck. whut wuld u do if ur nekkid neighbor came to ur place of werk n every1 sais he is a rly nice person but he had a big SSHLONG. Now i kno whut ima wish 4 on my wishlist. No this isn’t 4 other bitchez . Nor is it for sshlong reveal. I wish some1 wuld notice meh as the nekkid neighbur at the union Square holidey market.

I whuhz almost in luv w a gurl who luved big patty wattyz n raised awareness for autism via tiK tok last yr n also i hate lex now!!!!!!!!!!! 2 many ppl wanting to give out their used sheets n Service tops who dont wanna Host . But i do thoroughly enjoy when Ppl wanna give their free concert tickets out . So lex gonna b the new ticketmaster to me but anarchist - community fridge version Without the food . Smfh . Y it gotta take watching perks of being a wallflower to realize we regret picking the boy w the eyebrow piercing when we culdve picked the 1 who got hit by a car butt still ended up pullin up to bossa limpin .

Im in luv with club E n gave them my tiara cuz they r a tucking princess and cuz their music reminds meh of myspace era sheit. Also they name is ren like me TWOOOOOO. twinnem:-] <3

As car seat headrest sayz in its only seggs i think bc of his demisexual cusp of asexual self .

“

OK, so I've been reading all the sex blogs

And they all talk about how OK it is to be gay

And straight and bisexual and asexual

And have sex however you like

But I don't care about hundreds of hypothetical people

And their hypothetical sex deals

I care about me, and my sex deal!

What about my problems?

Baby, my body

Constantly betrays me

I try to betray it

I only hurt myself

Yeah, yeah

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? I like it

I can't tell you if I like it, I like it

What happens if I don't like it? It's only-

It's only sex

It's only

It's only sex

C'mon, sexual desire, speak! “

My brain is too fried from vyvanze dependence to decipher n explain it all right meow . I jus kno i luv those lyrics n i luv when post club - post party we all come back to mi lil floor mattress in mi tiny room n we kuddle puddle!!!!!!

Saw a Zyn nicotine ad omw to my lobotomy apt at callen lourde this mornin n i miss the dude who gav tht to meh while me werkin this japanese restaurant once n holy sheit i wuz shaking n shitting n crying my entire shift . I miss werking there cuz i made $400 a shift n lowkey I could get any vacation hours i wanted. Now im like a finance bro who goes to reggae bars in the city N gets pussy on hinge . v_v RIP!!!!!

i havnt been to saint vitus penus yet but thts Ok cuz i heard someone saw pee pee juice n eyeball juice on the bathroom mirror once n ill just stick to duffz if i wanna find a punk goth giorl to destroy my Third hole . Im crying a lot these days super fragile as well as today being a significant date for me N i missh ketamine so damn much butt i refuse to sniff anymore cuz i nvr kno how to dose w the diff german strainz n i always get sickie or khole n see myself on a train n being someone’s mutha . Weird!!!!!!!!!!’

Idek if i givin up on life or life givin up on meh but im just mf done . N i kno dis cuz im in my candle era yall . Where i lie n say i’m “running errands “ but sniffin diff candles at target n burglington ALONE . all dis for some mf seratonin biotch ????!!!????? Alsoo last randomo thot but i luv one of my good friendz from nyu n they were ganged up on bc of some DUMB RUMORS n i gots to say i kant stand a fucking bully or ppl who kant extend grace to others cuz it just feels v cliquey n stupid . Lik if we rly gonna believ rumors n gossip n not see someone’s character or try to understand i don’t see how ppl can b ok wit the ppl they hav to be with when they r alone with themselvez at nite . We r constantly evolving and it’s wrong to hold things against people esp in this age and this goes for me as well. I hope to receive the grace and love and empathy that I extend .

Soooooo many more fuckin thots n ramblingz like how i wish there was a poll i could start somewhere outside of instagram ab who wuld fuck G Eazy post halsey (Cmon , “tumblr girls”was an AMAZING song!!!!!!) N how much i luv egg by the garden but. Til nxt wk Babez.

Xx , ketaminechic NOT CHICK who doesn’t do ketamine anymore but kant put the energy into changing it then changing it on all platforms cuz omfGGGGGGGggg who cares that deeply ab this social media Bullsheit anywayzzz , Renny baby <3 :-] visit me at union square market Booth c20til Xmas eve !!!

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lemonadelyric · 4 years

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ALL.THE QUESTIONS FOR THAT ASK MEME

1. What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? I use he/him pronouns, please! And I have a lot of identities so uh, be warned. I'm nonbinary! Not really sure on gender, or any specifics. I'm pretty fluid between andro/masc/fem so??? It's a big Question Mark. I'm polyamorous! I'm in a handful of relationships but they're all important to me. I'm also pretty open about loving and appreciating my friends too! I'm pansexual! I'm also panromantic and nebularomantic! I know people debate on pansexual/polysexual/bisexual all the time, and honestly I just go with pan cause I like the flag colors xD But also, it's basically me saying I feel attraction not based on gender/presentation! 2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? Oh oof okay so. I noticed it since I was YOUNG. I always thought girls were cute?? I'm AFAB, for the record. But I always figured that was something everyone was into. Then some people were talking about lesbians and such, and I was like "Well yeah, I'd kiss a girl" SO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOW WELL THAT WENT OVER. People asked me if I was gay, and I didn't think I was? I liked boys too! Wasn't until probably high school that I finally settled on "Yeah, I'm bi." and then discovered the whole gender spectrum and being nonbinary and so much just fell into place 3. Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? So I present pretty andro, I think! I don't try to fit a masc/fem scale but like, in person I don't really make a big deal out of it. There was a stretch of time where I went by she/her still, even as a nonbinary. But I switched to he/him about a year ago and it's just GOOD for me. Well.... Someone I really don't like joined the chat where I first decided to go by he/him. They joined, and they bitched to the mods about not liking me, but they called me "she/her" EVEN WITH he/him being in my intro. The mods were friends of mine and corrected them and were DEFINITELY on edge and asked me if I ever went by she/her or if they were purposefully misgendering me. 4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react? I'm pretty sure it was my boyfriend, Eric! They didn't give a shit HAHA, and have been all respectful and everything. 5. Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? So I don't actually remember when I told them? But it wasn't a big deal actually. 6. If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react? Oof so, I don't think I ever straight up told my mom. But I don't really care what she thinks anyways LOL I did have to tell Eric's parents, though! When we were poly and dating our qpp Reina. (Didn't want to explain those details and shit to them). But telling them that meant telling them I'm gay haha. They totally didn't care and have been so welcoming and accepting, i love them so much ;;w;; 7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? "Why do you need to be polyamorous do you not love your partners does that just mean you want to sleep around you're just using it as an excuse to cheat on your partners" All said from people who don't know shit about being poly. 8. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. Oh god this is so boring. I just wear jeans and tshirts xD Nothing special or SUPER GAY. 9. Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? ROSE/PEARL FROM STEVEN UNIVERSE I don't consume a lot of lgbt media apparently, huh. 10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? Sometimes! Usually no, though. I like eyeliner most of the time. 11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? YES. So with my chest it's more frequent, I also just don't like being as fat as I am. SO that's half my body problems. Bottom stuff is less frequent but usually during That Time Of The Month (Which, I actually haven't had for YEARS, but I started getting again recently, I hate it.) 12. What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community? "Oh yeah I'm inclusive of ace/aro people in the LGBT community!! You have a chemical imbalance in your brain which makes you just like us!!!" Like.. what the fuck. 13. What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? I love how we're all THERE for each other! You join a chat, go "Hey I'm gay" and we're like "GAY??? GAY???? GAY???? GAY????" we're like dogs LMAO 14. What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? Sick of transmeds and terfs and ace/aro exclusionists and shit, fuck off my blog. Also??? Can we stop making jokes about MOGAI identities and shit??? "Lmao this gender is based on being a special snowflake" cool shut up, let people live damn, it's not that hard to just respect people. 15. Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? Nope :c Everywhere I've lived either 1. there wasn't any close to me/I wasn't out, or 2. ITS TOO DANGEROUS TO GO, or 3. I don't have a car lmao. 16. Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity? Lil Nas X, hands down. He's a great dude. 17. Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet? I'm in three right now!! So the first is Eric, we met on an online rp chat website thingy! Second is Chander, we met through a mutual friend and we knew each other like a year then within the span of like two months we started dating and now we live together, 2.5 years later xD Third is Jay! I met him through a kin Discord, we've been friends over a year but it took a few months before we started dating! 18. What is your favourite lgbt+ book? Y'know I don't think I've ever read one. Uhhh... I mean the Black Dagger Brotherhood has a gay couple??? Does that count??? xD 19. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? Slightly! Most of mine is about being polyamorous. I have people tell me "That's not enough to be lgbt" paying 0 attention to me also being nonbinary and pansexual. Also had people tell me I'm not trans enough to be nonbinary because I don't want to transition. 20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show? One Day At A Time? That's about the only one I can think of LOL 21. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? Uuhhh I don't really follow bloggers. 22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? QUEER and gay itself. People act like "gay" was never used against the lgbt community like, bitch, if Hillary fuckin' Duff has to tell some stupid teens in a PSA to not use "gay" like that, then I'm reclaiming it, shut up. 23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Nope and nope. 24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you? I'm nonbinary! I use he/him pronouns and it pretty much just means I don't wanna be a boy or a girl. I don't mind being called like "You're a good guy" or whatever. 25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? Not really? I'm very selfish and self-centered, I don't think I could handle having a child xD 26. What identity advice would you give your younger self? "You don't have to figure this all out right now! You have time! Also, make friends with gay people. They're not some closed community where if you join and you're wrong they abandon you." 27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships? Eh, nah. Like I'm a big "Yeah sure I'll do laundry and dishes" or whatever. But I'd rather share responsibilities! 28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? I've been questioning and trying to identify my gender a lot more and get more specific, but I'm in no rush. 29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? We're just people, man. That's it. That's all there it to it. You don't have to have the same feelings as us, but just give us the right to love and marry who we want, or not do that, or have our relationships look however we want. 30. Why are proud to be lgbt+? I'm proud to be LGBT because it means I'm in a community of people who are accepting and caring. It's like a family wherever you go.

Thank you for the asks <3

#anxietylich

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myeternalsin · 4 years

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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!

Hello everyone! 2020… WOW. Can I just say that it has been a complete and utter rollercoaster! IT’S BEEN AWFUL! I am making this post to explain multiple things about myself, my stories, my accounts, etc, so grab a cup of your favorite drink and finger snacks because this is gonna be one long a*$ post! (Excuse my French, but considering everything I’m about to explain I felt like I needed to write that!)

First off, 2020. I believe everyone thought that 2020 was going to be their year. Everyone had their hopes and spirits high to the skies. I was one of those many people. I celebrated New Years Eve with my boyfriend of 3 and a half years and thought this year would be perfect. Valentines day on a Friday, my 21st birthday on Easter, 4th of July on a Saturday, etc. COVID-19 happened. I live in Cedar Rapids Iowa where honestly, my governor had and still has done sh*t about COVID-19.

Around the end of March I was hit with some very hard information.

The daycare I worked at, 8-5, as a full time job during the week of spring break had it’s numbers DROP. I went from a class of 12 children to a minimum of 4 a day to a maximum of 7 children. I was even given Wednesday off along with my teacher assistant as we were TOO overstaffed at the center. Usually when I leave work at 5 o'clock, there’s about 20 to 25 children left by the end of the day since we close at 6. I should have known that Monday that the week was going to get worse. There were only 6 CHILDREN at the center when I left EARLY at 4:30. The next day I came home at 10 since we were overstaffed again, and was called at noon that our daycare was shut down. I’m laid off. Start filing for unemployment.

I was completely HEARTBROKEN. I was truly hoping to stay open, not for the pay or to “get the virus so I can stay home” as some of my co workers joked-but to stay open for the CHILDREN. I was praying that they could get through this and that this whole COVID-19 would blow ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL over soon… boy, was I WRONG!

I celebrated my 21st birthday at the apartment with my boyfriend instead of bar hopping since everything was shut down. I was completely and utterly BOARD. I had no clue what to do with myself! During this time, my boyfriend was also stuck in the apartment instead of at the office. While we were at the apartment, there was this trend on TikTok called the “towel drop challenge”. I was honestly thinking that since were both cooped up in this tiny apartment that was could, ya know, get it on~

Three and a half years. I was with this boy for three and a half years without ever losing my V-card! I mean, we’d tried on multiple occasions but I just never got my cherry popped. I was told by my mom that any boy would have taken my virginity by now and not waited this long. I even asked him a year after we were together if he was possibly gay or asexual. Which wouldn't have been a problem AT ALL! I have no hate against him however he identified sexually, I just wished that he would have told me or he would have done something about it.

That fateful day, I let him know that I wanted his time and attention. He could have walked away from his computer. There were times where he’d either be on his phone with his head down while “working”, or he’d come out into the living room to play a video game for half an hour while still “logged in and working”. I was hoping to just get ten minutes of his time. I was lying in my bed, naked and waiting for him. I know he saw me too, yet he didn’t do anything. It was the end of his work work shift, and I was waiting with anticipation for him to just POUNCE on me.

He gave me a kiss on the forehead and said, “I’m going downstairs to do laundry.”

My whole entire being shattered. I was completely DEVASTATED. I always asked myself after every time we tried having sex if something was wrong with me. Was I not pretty enough? Is it because I got bigger throughout the years we were together? Was it because I was inexperienced? Was I performing wrong on him when we would do stuff? I was pretty sure I was attracted to him both physically and personality wise. So what was wrong?

I got so upset and started screaming and yelling at him while crying everything out about not only what he just did, but about everything. In the end, I just collapsed on the bed and said “I want to go home.” I was like a broken record, uttering that saying over and over again.

So, I moved out. I am still living with my parents, and honestly it was rough and still is. I became so depressed. This boy was my best and sadly only friend I ever had. I had pushed away all of the friends I used to have because of him. I tried contacting some old friends, but they had all moved on with their lives. Everyone’s getting married, engaged, having kids, having pets, graduating college. I had nothing, or at least it felt like it at the time.

No friends, no boyfriend, moved in with my parents, and no job.

That’s right. The owner of the daycare never hired me back on, along with six other staff members. Around the beginning of July, I was wondering why I hadn’t been contacted to come back to work. I was willing to travel even though I didn’t live in that city anymore because of the breakup. I was notified by a coworker that they were back to work already a month ago and she was wondering where I was! I called the daycare and never went through to anyone about why I wasn't back.

I felt so useless. A failure. Disappointment. I wanted to not exist.

I knew that I shouldn’t have had these thoughts, and it scared the shit out of me that my mind was not only thinking it-but the feeling and urge to actually follow through with it.

So, I contacted my doctor. Got some antidepressants, and am trying to get a therapist at the moment. My doctors building with their therapist are practically booked with everything going on. It’ll still be a little bit before I can talk to someone. I was told by my doctor to try to find something to do that peaks my interest. I thought of my work and you guys. I’m proud of the writing I have and can’t believe I left you guys hanging, both on request and stories. I found something I could do to lift my spirits up yet again!...

PHSYIC!

August 10th 2020, I woke up at 10 in the morning. I made a hearty breakfast and an iced coffee for the first time in FOREVER! I was pumping myself up to get on here and to start writing again! After I was done eating, the city sirens went off.

“Is there a tornado?” I asked my parents. They themselves didn’t know either because both cable and the electricity went out as soon as I asked. We all hurried downstairs with all three and a half dogs as the wind picked up and the rain became more heavy. (I said a half because M,W,F we babysit my sister's little beagle dog.)

We sat and waited for the storm to be over and we were wondering what was going on. My dad was about to get up when BOOM! The house shook and vibrated all around us.

My mom started crying hysterically, my dad tried to comfort the dogs and create a barrier for them not to go upstairs, and I just kinda sat there. It was like I wasn’t really registering what was going on. Maybe it was because I was trying to stay positive? Maybe a couple branches just smashed the siding of the house or window? Were the antidepressants not allowing me to cry and freak out? I wasn’t sure what was going on with me at the time.

The rain stopped and my parents went upstairs to check everything out while I stayed downstairs with the dogs.

“Drip!”

“Argh! What the!?” I exclaimed as I showed my flashlight on my phone to the ceiling. It was dripping from the heating and cooling vent. I saw other droplets of water along the Styrofoam tile ceiling, and followed the trail towards the small kitchen area where there was water IN the ceiling light!

“Uhhhh, guys?” I yelled to my mom and dad upstairs.

“Wait a couple minutes sweetie!” My mom responded back as I started to hear their hurried feet running around upstairs.

“We got water coming downstairs!” I hollered as I grabbed a couple of empty solo cups I had downstairs since I was living down there to start collecting the water.

“Yeah? That’s ’cause we got a hole in the house!” My dad yelled.

The big tree in the backyard that was planted from the previous owner back in the 1950’s crashed into the living room from this storm we later learned 3 days later called Derecho. We’ve been recovering for about a month now. Almost everything is back to normal.

We got power and water back 2 weeks ago from today, the internet back a week ago, and cable has been kind of wonky. We’ve been wanting nothing but the news and were able to have cable for ONE DAY. It crashed and we still don’t have cable. We’ve tried antennas but they just aren’t working in our location.

The downstairs floor is ruined. We had to rip out the carpet and the floors now have asbestos. I live upstairs now in the guest room and we’re pretty much confined to the entry way since we still have a huge hole in the living room. No comfortable seating either. We’re hoping to hear back from the insurance claim sometime this week… but there's a possibility that we might just have to move if the damage is too much.

To put the good old fashioned cherry on top, one of our dogs may no longer be with us this week. She hasn’t eaten in the past couple of days and is only drinking water. We’re taking her to the vet tomorrow to see what’s going on, or if she’s suffering too much.

Honestly… 2020 can F#@! OFF! It’s been such an awful year! But! I am ready to get back into the swing of things and get back to writing and writing for you guys again!

I was going to explain some things about my accounts and rules but I feel a tad bit drained after writing this all out, and I haven't typed on a keyboard in so long! My wrists HURT! Give me a couple of hours and I'll be back with a PSA part 2! I will be posting this to all of my accounts so no one is left out of the loop. Be back soon!

~MyEternalSin

#author update #update #psa #public service announcement #x reader #oneshots #my hero academia #mha #my hero acadamy #boku no hero x reader #my hero academia x reader #bnha #fanfiction #part 1 psa

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abiik · 5 years

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@vhsgf replied to your post “this song made me realize i've never written about jason missing zoe”

heather this might be too forward and angsty of me to say (pls lmk if is) but now i am curious about zoe reacting to jason's death and then mirroring w jason coming back from the dead and then finding out his best friend is dead. like it sounds so PAINFUL but like. also i wanna know about it. heather what have you done i-

i had to put my hair up for this. im literally so emotional about this rn,,,like when am i not but STILL OKAY IT MAKES ME VERY [SCREECHES] (also a read more because this is fucking long im so sorry)

okay let’s start with zoe because jason’s death is a traumatic thing for her on like multiple points all relating back to when she was like elementary school aged (im pretty sure i have it where she’s like 8 ish when this happens). before jason and before going into the whole vigilante business – no matter what version of zoe you prefer – she loses her two younger brothers in a joker related accident. he kills them. and zoe… zoe is so,,, well she’s angry. because no one does anything. no one. not that fabled batman, not the police, not the fucking government – NOBODY. and she’s just supposed to keep living her life like everything is fucking fine because oh that’s just the way gotham is. and like why the fuck would she just keep living her life when her barely out of toddler aged little brothers are now dead?? why wouldn’t she want to do something about that?? why the fuck should she just let it roll off her back like no biggie?? (of course, this is a catalyst for her mother’s downward spiral and eventual disappearance, and then keme’s).

then of course, there’s zoe’s powers. at that age she didn’t really understand the extent of them, what she could do with them and all that, but as they develop and her own awareness of them develop, she is faced by like intense guilt and remorse. if only she’d been able to do something. if only she’d been there. if only she could’ve stopped the joker. if only, if only, if only. and like, realistically, there wasn’t much she could do. it wasn’t like she knew fully how strong she was; she’d barely gotten flying down at that point, but then she’s growing up and she realizes she never really had a limit. and she kind of has this complex, i’ve said it before but she really does try to bear the weight of the world on her shoulders, so everything that has happened to her up until this point after the twins die, it’s partly her fault; if only she could have been better, she could have saved them, she could have her mom, she could have keme – she could have her family back.

then, of course, there is in all of this her intense hatred of the joker. and by correlation to the whole fucking issue, gotham city and batman. (ive said that they kind of grow to like each other more, but when z and jay become friends and through their teen years until his death, it’s kind of like whenever youre gay and your bff is gay and you both kind of hate the other’s really fucked up parent who’s okay sometimes but isn’t all the time and you would totally like throw down with them if only there weren’t like,,,repercussions)

anyway, so when jason dies, it’s a big fucking deal. like he’d already been acting weird, bruce was worried about him, z was worried about him, and then he dies okay. and zoe… bruce doesn’t tell zoe right away. he doesn’t tell her and when zoe does find out, she. is. pissed. all of the shit with her baby brothers comes back. she wasn’t there. she wasn’t able to save him – because she sure as hell KNOWS that she could have at this point. and now he’s GONE. AND THIS ENTIRE TIME, SHE HAD NO FUCKING CLUE BECAUSE BRUCE DIDN’T TELL HER!!! she couldn’t even go to his funeral!!! and then, AND THEN, on fucking top of that – it was the joker who killed him. so jason’s death was like a fucking quadruple blow to her.

after finding out the details, zoe goes binary for the first time. and it’s… well it’s scary. it takes a whole lot of coaxing from old teammates and being physically restrained by diana (who lowkey is kinda like why?? are?? we?? stopping?? her?? from?? killing?? the?? joker??) and clark and donna, and they can’t even really knock her out because when she’s binary, there’s only really waiting out the duration of the high until she passes tf out from using too much energy. which she DOES and then after a good long talk with gran-gran, zoe’s going on a much needed retreat with diana to themyscira.

during that time, zoe’s super depressed. like reasonably, so. she’s so exhausted and she’s still angry but she’s also just like,,, so tired. she lost her best friend dude. like she loves jason so much, she loves him so much, and then he was just gone. poof! and at least, at least with atsa and ahiga, she got to like, be there for their send off. jason ends up being another hole in her life, like her dad and her mom and keme. he’s added to this list of people who all were just…g o n e. she didn’t get to mourn them. like obviously, she can, but every time she thinks about jason, she begins to spiral. (this is kind of when she starts drinking,,,, human alcohol can’t really touch her but she does therapeutically – which is!! not good!!) she also begins to distance herself – from jason’s titans (connor holds on with an iron grip and eddie still checks up on her, but rose was just as distraught and kyle is still kind of numb), from the original titans, from bruce and alfred, from diana, even from gran-gran and uncle bell. she fills the void with work as well as the alcohol that doesn’t really do anything to her except make her mouth taste gross and weird and she hates it but it’s become a habit. if she isn’t out doing some reckless thing while saving the world, then she’s at a bar or just sitting by the ocean.

she has bad dreams too, like horrible dreams. and like,,, they’re not necessarily horrific or anything,, she usually dreams about good times, memories with jason or with atsa and ahiga, sometimes some weird mixture of all three of them hanging out together and it’s the worst fucking thing because she wakes up and she wishes she was there too, that she could stay with them, because she misses them so much. she just wants her family back, she wants the family she had before jason and dick and alfred and the titans, but she also wants them too – she wants all of it.

and then it all comes to head with her dad’s sudden involvement with earth and shit. zoe sacrifices herself not only because she carries the fucking world on her shoulders and has a stupid martyr complex, but also because she thinks she’d be okay dying like this. she doesn’t. die that is. she doesn’t die but she also doesn’t come back.

jason’s revival story arc thing is all a bit murky for me bc I kind of like mix the whole waking up and clawing himself from his grave and also the under the red hood storyline (and like correct me if there is a version like that bc like,,, idk I can’t remember). anyway, so jason comes back, and like it’s kind of messy bc of timeline shit but he doesn’t really come back, come back, until z’s gone. like gone gone. like they held a funeral and everything for her. jason didn’t get to go and THAT is SHIT. like yeah, he wasn’t fucking alive, nobody fucking knows he’s alive anyway, but it still hurts.

and like,,, you know what else kind of hurts, is like he kind of thought that after he came back, if no one was on his side – if for some reason literally everyone was against him – he’d still have zoe. that’s the worst fucking part. he hears about what happened. he hears that she literally went ballistic. and like,, jason KNOWS that zoe would have his side, that zoe would be there for him, that even if she might not have agreed with some of the things he’s done, that she’d be right by his side, showing she cares. because like. like I know bruce is kind of stunted with emotional expression, but it’s really hard to feel like you’re appreciated when someone else’s love language is so fucking hard to translate, when you need constant validation, to be told you matter to be shown you matter to them and they can’t accommodate even a little bit, because of their pride or because they have to deem that you deserve it all of a sudden. and like I love bruce, but they way he treats his kids is shit. so yeah. jason feels hella alone when he comes back and his best friend, his rock, his ride or die (literally wfkejvnk) is fucking gone.

jason definitely has nightmares too. he doesn’t know how zoe died, like really know – no one does, because there hadn’t been a body. and jason’s mind can be a pretty dark place already, add on top of that the nightmares about his best friend dying the same way he did, or being like dick, who actually witnessed the explosion that ‘killed’ zoe. he can’t even fathom what zoe went through with his death, but eventually, as jason kind of comes back into the batfam and shit, he also kind of gets to be with the last of zoe’s family. gran-gran and uncle bell are much warmer than bruce wayne and that too big mansion and that cold fucking cave. jason goes to the ranch a lot, or finds himself at uncle bell’s antique shop whenever he needs a breather, to just be alone with something that close to zoe.

they literally both go through that period where they’re extremely reckless with mourning and regrets and fuck i never got to say this and fuck what could I have done differently, what could I have changed if I’d been there? but where jason is able to recover more effectively, zoe doesn’t do so well in space.

really, that song had triggered thoughts about jason going through her things, the things she left in his bedroom – that bruce refused to touch or move or anything – and just thinking back on their life together. it was definitely shorter than they expected and when jason thinks about it, it’s a whole bunch of salty anger and throat swelling sadness that has him kind of crippled. because like,,, he also knows how the twins died, he knows how it happened, not only did he have the firsthand accounts from those most effected, but also like, he read the reports. he KNOWS, and he feels kind of guilty, just a little bit, that what he did put her through a similar version to losing her baby brothers.

NREJKVNERLFEWLFJNEKR FUCK OKAY I THINK I NEED TO STOP LIKE THIS IS OBVIOUSLY JUST A BIG DUMB BUT BFJKERNFKJEN F U C K OKAY

#vhsgf #h replies.#look they make me fucking cry #their relationship hurts me so bad #and fuck whenever they MEET AGAIN!!!#LITERALLY SO FUCKING RECKLESS TTRYING TO KEEP THE OTHER FROM EVER LEAVING THEM AGAIN LIKE HAHA SIKE BITCH #I DIDN'T COME BACK FROM THE DEAD ONLY FOR NOTHIN #YOU'RE NEVER GETTIGN RID OF ME AND IM NEVER GETTING RID OF YOU #oc: zoe huang #this is also so fucking rambly i apologizeee #suicide /#depression /#death /#alcohol /#ask to tag

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ariesfm-blog · 5 years

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hi ! my name is link ! i go by he / they pronouns , am 21+ & live in the cst timezone ! i’m an obnoxious aries & this is my idiot , max , who also happens to be an obnoxious aries because i believe in writing what i know JHGKFDLHLF . i’m really excited to be here , because plotless slice of life rps are my thing & i’m excited to get to know all of you & write with you !!! under the cut you’ll find misc. info & some wanted connections , but here are links to his stats page & his pinterest board , which hopefully will give you some extra insight . feel free to like this if you’d like to plot .but if you wanna plot on d*scord ( which is easier for me ) you can add me @ demogorgon ramsay#0039 !

( johnny seo, cismale, he/him ) who is that ? oh, it’s just MAXWELL “MAX” BAE the TWENTY-FOUR year old has been in beauhart for HIS WHOLE LIFE and is currently a BARTENDER. i’ve heard they can be CONFIDENT and HONEST, but also IMPATIENT and BRASH. maybe that’s why their anthem is SANCTUARY by JOJI and CAFFEINE JITTERS, DIRTY CONVERSE PAIRED WITH ALIEN SOCKS, PHONE NUMBERS WRITTEN ON NAPKINS makes me think of them.

misc. info : ( cw : mentions of death & drug use )

his mother died giving birth to him. though he doesn’t remember her ( obviously ) he still holds a bit of guilt & think it’s his fault that she died. but his dad is always quick to snuff that line of thought & holds absolutely no ill will towards max about it

all he’s ever heard is good things about her so he loves her or the idea of her really. he likes to imagine himself in the stories people tell him about her & it’s a comfort to him. it makes him feel like he kind of grew up with her even though he never got to meet her

his dad is a sweet person. full of laughs & kindness. also bad jokes ( this is where max gets his own humor from ). he’s the kind of dad that people wish for. he’s always been supportive of max no matter what & he listens to him whenever he needs it

when they were little they played catch & watched yu-gi-oh together. max still has all his yu-gi-oh cards stuffed in his closet somewhere. now they’re more likely to sit on his dad’s front porch & drink together while listening to music

his dad has never dated or remarried after his wife died because that was his soulmate & he doesn’t want to settle for anyone else & his dad has always told max to find that one person for him

max was miserable in school. he wasn’t good at it & none of it made any sense to him. so he struggled in graduating high school. & he tried college but he couldn’t stand it so he dropped out thankfully with no negative feedback from his dad

he’s kind of anxious & fidgety so it’s hard for him to pay attention ( anxiety & adhd nation make some noise !!! ) but if he gets focused on a project he’ll ignore his need to eat or anything else to work on it

he picked up making drinks from his dad at a young age ( imagine a twelve year old making cocktails that’s basically how it was ) & is really good at it so naturally he became a bartender. it’s not his dream job per se but he enjoys it a lot & makes good tips from it so he has no complaints about it

basically he’s pretty happy-go-lucky but he’s also an idiot & annoying about it. he can seem friendly enough at first but once you get close to him he’ll turn up that aries personality & get on your nerves ( but he’s also like a leech & will stick to you )

he’s really into aliens. he even has a ufo tattoo ! he will fight with anyone who doesn’t believe in them ( or cryptids or the supernatural in general ). the x-files is his favorite show & he wishes to be fox mulder every day of his life. he’s also a diehard boogara

he’s a big conspiracy theorist. he believes in lizard people, the illuminati & that queen elizabeth is a cannibal & that’s how she’s stayed alive for so long. he’s very paranoid about stuff. he’s one of those people who read the terms & conditions on everything so that he doesn’t agree to some company stealing his dna & selling it on the dark web. he also refuses to pick up the phone because he thinks the government is listening in on them ( he only makes calls when he’s high & out of it )

& he loves true crime. he’s always listening to true crime podcasts & watching true crime docs

he loves energy drinks & coffee. he drinks them so much that he’s shaking about 75% of the day but he never listens when people tell him he’s gonna get a heart attack

he’s messy. his apartment is messy. his hair is messy. his entire energy is just messy. but he thinks his personality makes up for it

he can kinda cook but honestly he’s lazy & just prefers to order in food 95% of the time. also he has a bad habit of forgetting stuff like he’ll turn the oven on then get distracted then wonder what the weird smell in his place is

for the most part he’s nice but he does participate in “friendly” dragging. if you’re friends he will clown you & sometimes he can hurt someone’s feelings even when he doesn’t mean to ( more than likely he will not apologize for it he’ll just ignore it til the other person gets over it hopefully )

always losing his headphones. he settles for those crappy $5 earbuds that you find at dollar stores so he won’t feel bad for losing them anymore. honestly he loses everything. who knows how many sets of keys he’s gone through

he’s super clumsy. always tripping, always running into stuff. he’s broken a million glasses at the bar

he’s pretty flirty, pretty charming. he uses it to his advantage at the bar, draws in customers in order to get tips & phone numbers

he’s a soft thot. he’s easy to sleep with but he’s kind & caring about all his partners

he’s a really good boyfriend & he falls in love easily, but he’s forgetful & accidentally negligent sometimes. like he’ll go days without responding to texts or checking up on people. he doesn’t mean to he just does

he loves pins, patches & colorful socks. everything he wears is covered in them. most of the things he wears aren’t even related to his interests because people just give them random things & he wears them anyway

he can never open jars his beefy arms are useless

a fan of punny humor. he’s the king of dad jokes

he’s that person who puts his legs up on the dash of the car or hangs them out the window

wishes he knew how to skateboard but doesn’t even know how to ride a bike

takes in random cats & dogs he finds on the street. sometimes he tries to find their owners & sometimes he doesn’t but it’s fine

he’s addicted to those edited audios that are like “( song ) but you’re listening to it in the bathroom at a party & you’re crying because you’re alone” & he’s obsessed with joji so of course those are his favorite

he’s one of those pansexuals who call themselves gay constantly

uses uwu in texts to be ironic & annoying. most of his words have w replacing certain letters to sound like a smol

he gets stoned at like three am & tries to call people & ask them stupid high people questions like “if two vegans fight is it still called beef”

he’s also never left beauheart or gone too far away. just a few cities at most. he has a bit of a stoner paranoia about it. like if he leaves the state something bad will happen to him or his dad or loved ones

he’s terrified of horror movies. especially ones with clowns. he refuses to watch them because he’s convinced that he’ll accidentally summon a demon or a ghost through osmosis or something JHGDLFKGHD

wanted connections :

rooommates ( one or two )

exes ( any gender. it can be messy or friendly. i’m willing to have max be the issue though with him it’ll always be baby issues since he’s nice & a tryhard JGHKFDHFKGFD )

hookups / fwbs ( any gender. singular experiences or regular type things )

childhood plots for those who’ve lived in beauheart ( childhood friends, first kisses / crushes, all that good stuff )

high school sweethearts

flirtationships that don’t go anywhere

one-sided crushes ( don’t mind who has the feelings ! )

mutual pining but they’re both idiots & have no idea

party buddies. conspiracy theory buddies. true crime buddies. any of these can be combined

tinder date ( it can go well or not )

frequent customers ( better yet, frequent customers that he flirts with. give me the cliche phone number on napkins plot)

maybe you don’t tip him for whatever reason & he’s had a bad day & he’s like “bro wtf”

teach him how to ride a bike KJFDHSLGJF

maybe you try to get him to leave beauheart & you have to deal with his crybaby ramblings about how something bad will happen

beef with him over the existence of supernatural things

be the person he calls at three am after eating too many edibles & deal with his stoned questions

try to make him watch a horror movie

for someone newer to town: be that person who makes a “your mom” joke & have to deal with that awkward “my mom’s dead” conversation

maybe he “accidentally” stole your cat or dog & you try to get it back but he doesn’t believe that it’s yours even though you clearly have proof

maybe you’re the person who always ends up finding the stuff he loses & you’re stuck in this constant act of returning & you’re tired of it

literally anything you can think of i’m probably down for it

#stories.intro #◟ * 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡! ⤿ ooc .

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chaseprice · 7 years

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I WAS TAGGED TWICE TO DO THIS THANG (thank you @explosionshark and @morhdd Answer 11 questions, tag 11 people. write 11 questions for them to answer.

bri’s questions

1. what movies were you obsessed with as a kid?

fuckin. THE IRON GIANT. and pocahontas.

2. have you ever been able to get over any fears?

yeah. i’ve worked through a lot of fears that were as a result of anxiety in the past couple years. i managed to break off friendships that were detrimental to me; always something i was scared of. i came out. i was scared of that. also i kinda got over my fear of getting injections? (blood getting taken tho - no way.)

3. do you prefer seeing a movie in theaters or watching at home?

mmmm... theaters.

4. what was the first cd you bought for yourself?

bought for Myself? fuck. i used to rent pop party CDs from the library because i thought it was cool at the time? sdfjh

5. what’s your favorite thing about the place you live?

i don’t like a lot about my hometown, but i guess i like that its surrounded by fields and nature. i love where i live the rest of the time because my city has so much going on. especially in the music scene. idk i just love my city

6. what would you do if you won the lottery tomorrow?

have an existential crisis probably?

7. what’s your favorite meal to make?

thai green curry & rice maybe......

8. what have you done this year that you’re proud of?

Came Out! Passed All My Exams! Made Cool Friends! Continued To Get Over Bunch Of Anxiety Problems! Embraced My Identity! Got Closer With People! Moved Out (Again)!

9. what are you really looking forward to right now?

FUCKIGNG JULIEn BAKER FUFFFFFF BOTHE RRFFMOF FUCK

also pride. and a bunch of other cool plans for this year

10. what genre of film does your life feel like?

like a shitty indie film that u absolutely hate the protag of and it just needs to end already adgjgdh

11. what do you wish more people knew about you?

the lengths i’d go to for my friends. (for irl people specifically: how fuckin sad and stupit and angry i get w myself sometimes and that it doesn’t reflect any of my feelings for individual people. also how gay i am)

ramona’s questions (I Fucked up the formatting here oops sorry)

favorite game you’ve played recently? i’ve been playing stardew valley n thats the only game ive played recently (except the demo for dishonored 2 but my pc doesnt rly like it) and it’s super cute but i got distracted and haven’t got back to it. smh

is there a band/artist/album you’ve been really stuck on lately? YEAH FUCKIN GREAT GRANDPA’S NEW ALBUM (thanks bri) BUT EVEN MORESO: PILLOW QUEENS ???? JUST DISCOVERED THEM THEY’RE SO GOOD i love Rats especially

do you have a favorite show of all time? uhhhhhhh no these questions too hard ramona. probably not. but i do like better call saul it’s okay. every good gay show i enjoy betrays me somehow. like scream and skam. skam didnt neecsarily do anything bad BUT THEY COULDVE BEEN BETTER. GIMME WLW. i was so obsessed with it tho, truly was my fave show ever at a point

favorite canon fictional couple? oh bb. pricefield

if you could visit anywhere where would you go? fuck this. everywhere. v desp for a US roadtrip when i graduate tho

would you want to stay in the place you’d like to visit? o fuck this. IDKKKK

any particularly embarrassing fandom memories that you’re far enough removed from that you’d admit to? YEAH LIKE EVERYTHING I EVER SAID OR DID IN THE GTA V FANDOM .... I WAS SO WEIRD AND PETTY AND STRAIGHT

top three ships at this moment? chaseprice amberprice emrey (THEY WHO IM THINKIN BOUT RN doesnt mean theyre.... da best)

top three bands at this moment? ok. im gonna make this five and pretend the two bands i mentioned up there ^^ are in the list. these are just recent btw not best ever. JOYCE MANOR bc i was listenin to them a lot before my gig, THE SPOOK SCHOOL !!!!! and idk. perfume genius

i am seriously dying coming up with questions, how are you doing today? i’m okay but i’m too warm here in this stuffy room. how u doing ramona?

YOUR CHOICE YOU CAN SAY ANYTHING YOU WANT IN THIS SPACE I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU’RE GONNA DO GREAT. lgbtQ+ art and music and talent is the BEST and to be CHERISHED AND VALUED for EVER!!!!

AIIIGHTTTT so my 11 questions:

1. what have you been thinking about a lot lately? 2. what was the weather like where you are today? 3. you wanna meet with a close friend to catch up. do you go to a little café during the day and chat, do you go out somewhere at night time to a bar/party, do you go to one of each other’s places and order takeout -- what ideally happens? 4. what’s a really embarrassing childhood memory? 5. when you’re talking with people, what is a topic that will always make you cringe/feel FEAR if someone starts talking about it? 6. if you were to be famous, what would you wanna be famous for? 7. is there somebody you know who was an inspiration to you in any regard, or still is, that doesn’t know about it? if so, who? 8. what thing/s are you looking forward to before the year ends? 9. what do you do at new years? 10. who were the last two bands/singers you listened to, and which would you rather be offered free concert tickets for? 11. what material/texture do you like the feel of most?

i tag. @fortzancudo @drugru @borosouro (liddie if ur readin this i dont kno what ur url is gfhkfd) @sneffing @rachelambr @lesbianmikewheeler @maxcaulfield @gaymermutual @recourse-ao3 @the-insufferable @thestarryskiesofpalaven

#such a damn long ass post sorry

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davidfostercomedyblog · 7 years

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The Things We Take for Granted

As a child I always wanted to be poor and black. As an adolescent I was criticized for this seemingly preposterous desire, but if anyone thought about it, it was quite logical. All of my heroes were poor and black: Rappers, many favorite actors (and the characters they portrayed), and most athletes (prior to signing their contracts) were poor and black. And what child doesn’t want to emulate their heroes?

Growing up my family was “comfortable” by white, American standards - filthy fucking rich by planetary standards. We didn’t attend private school, nor summer in the Hamptons, but my brother and I each had our own bedroom and Mom didn’t have to work. If you can claim the same and are under the impression that you’re not rich you’re probably a bad person.

In 1994 the tides turned as Dad was let go by his company, who discovered a “loophole” in his contract that would transform his promised $100,000/year pension into a $0/year pension, and the house wasn’t close to paid for. Mom had to go to work, Dad had to go back, and if I ever wished to again be “comfortable” I’d have to earn it, which is hardly something to whine about, still a factor in my reality.

I’ve lived in a million shit holes. In 1998 I was paying $440/month on West 15th St.

Do you know what you get for $440 on W. 15th Street? A room, literally nine feet by six, that happened to offer a great view of the Empire State Building. It was an “SRO” – single room occupancy, which means no kitchen or living room, no nothing, but a miniature refrigerator if you’re lucky, and a dingy-AF bathroom in the hallway to be shared with whatever other college kids or miscreants caught in some life transition (or perpetual non-transition) happened to live on the floor. At the time I was the former, in love with alcohol and psychedelic drugs, and it was the best time of my life. One night my friend, Tre got locked out of his car and had to sleep over, which we executed brilliantly, each of us curled into fetal position at opposite ends of my futon single and I’m confident no spooning took place. Tre decided to take some magic mushrooms from my stash, leaving crumbs of them on the sheets as if they were late night cookies, but the next day he claimed they “didn’t really work.” Incidentally, I got a better night’s sleep than I probably would now by myself on a king-sized pillow top. Ah, youth.

Eventually I upgraded to another SRO on 13th and 3rd Ave. for $600/month, which boasted over twice the square footage, and Tre ironically coined, “The Palace.” The Palace was (barely) able to fit a full-sized futon, parallel to a “coffee table” and perpendicular to a single bed, which made Tre’s sleepovers twice as comfortable and ten times as frequent. Infestation was worse than at the previous domicile, if for no other reason than the aforementioned law of probability as it pertains to literal space. What are the chances of mice and cockroaches as much finding their way into a box as specific as 54 square feet in a New York City building? We’d mostly hear the mice shuffling at night in the dark, but ironically saw roaches in the light, fearlessly perusing the sink or climbing the walls, and I don’t think I’ll ever again laugh as hard as I did when Tre pointed one out and muttered in a weed-smoked stupor: “Room service is here, nigga. You wanna place an order?”

Summers in SRO’s were tough, as air conditioners were forbidden, because capitalism works and life is fair. I’ll never forget one morning the heat was so intense that it woke me up early, so I got up, grabbed my things and bought one ticket to an early morning showing of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. I’d already suffered through one showing of the cinematic vomit, but figured the air conditioned theater with an awfully uninteresting dialogue and plot as backdrop was the perfect setting to finish my night’s rest. I was right.

No doubt the most interesting part about my time in The Palace was the ongoing mystery of who on my floor was responsible for the intermittent appearances of explosive diarrhea sprayed across the shared bathroom’s walls. One day they would be perfectly clean (relative to SRO’s), and the next day, Wham (literally)! It was everywhere, on the wall behind the toilet and beside it, on the floor as well as the trashcan, and at the still unshakeable age of 22 I was often as impressed by this poor soul’s range and diameter as I was grossed out by it being all over my home. The one thankful, but equally disturbing part of it was there was almost never any shit on the actual bowl. Who was this fascinating beast, first of all with some great gastrointestinal power, that insisted on ruthlessly shitting all over his own home and the home of others, but simultaneously considerate enough to never filthy the seat that his neighbors had to share? We had our suspects, but never got a conclusive verdict.

I graduated from SRO’s to futons in friends’ living rooms, one of which was directly above the loudest and most volatile gay bar in Chelsea, The Rawhide. Instead of unbearable August humidity, it was techno music and the sounds of masculine rejoice that disrupted my sleep, sometimes from below, other times from my best friend’s room. He was more successful than I with drunk girls at parties, thus serving as an in-house reminder of my failures and frustrations in the middle of many nights. The majority of our time at The Rawhide was okay, though it ended poorly, with a break-up from my two best friends (Tre included), typical when cramming three besties into a two bedroom for four years.

I’ve lived everywhere, dawg.

For a few years I had my own studio apartment on one of Washington Heights’ most drug-infested blocks, which is kind of like saying the “most volatile gay bar in Chelsea.” One time a girl I was dating asked me to go outside and find her a bag of weed and I didn’t even make it to the bottom of the staircase before scoring. Location, location… I then moved cross country into a studio in the heart of Hollywood, Los Angeles, then to a dark and dirty converted two-bedroom with two Filipino women in Koreatown for two years, and to this day I have no idea whether or not they were a gay couple. It didn’t matter if they were; I just thought it curious that after all that time and interaction I remained curious. The worst part about that spot was just having to regularly concoct white lies about why I couldn’t join them at weekly Bible study, and each morning waking up to the sounds of urination through the thinly constructed bedroom wall.

“Why don’t you just borrow money from your parents and get a better place?” a friend asked in one of the classic erroneous assumptions made by privileged people:

1. Everyone may not have money, but their parents do at least. False.

2. Hard work = financial success. I’ve never taken a vacation and I have nothing, which is half the reason why I’ve never taken a vacation.

3. Intelligence = financial success. Donald Trump is President.

I moved back to New York with the same complete void of resources that I’d gone to L.A. with, but got hooked up with a room in a real 2Br in Harlem for $678/month! No contract and right in my price range! What was the catch?

Never in my life had I seen such infestation.

I’ll repeat that for the cheap seats and ears deafened by our over-stimulated society of idiots exploiting non-literal superlatives in order to garner attention: Never in my life had I seen such infestation. This includes homes I’ve lived in, as well as every one I’ve ever visited or even passed through just to get a quarter pound of weed in 1995. In my first week there I would come home at night, turn on the kitchen lights and see anywhere from 3-10 of the filthy insects fleeing for safety across the sink and countertop, in much greater numbers and more cowardly fashion than the apathy with which room service used to creep up The Palace walls. Roaches were so much tougher in the 90’s.

Thankfully I barely ever saw them in the bedroom, but they absolutely owned the kitchen and bathroom. We were just renting, mere visitors in their home where they ruled, they roamed, and I didn’t bother to inquire as to whether the roommate would mind if I doused the place in bleach, taped and calked up all cracks in the floors and walls, and bought a new kitchen garbage… With. A. Cover.

Within a month I was victorious in defending the wall, and the wildling little creatures were gone. I’ve been on HBO and Showtime, won comedy festival competitions and earned a Master’s degree in Chinese Medicine, and this was truly one of my greatest achievements in life. Unfortunately my new abode’s other obstacle would prove an impossible hurdle, and one I’d have to stand down to for the 15 months to come: El Bano.

In order to successfully flush I had to hold the toilet handle down for anywhere from 5-12 seconds, making for the longest I’ve ever had to hold a toilet handle down for. Some toilets are stubborn, requiring a hold of 2-3 seconds, max. The next time you flush a toilet hold the handle down for 12 seconds. It’s an eternity.

The seat was disgusting and I immediately decided that no square inch of my skin would ever come into contact with it. To be honest I didn’t even like the idea of my anus hanging above it. I thought about purchasing and attempting to install a new seat, though my brother brought up a good point.

“Considering the apparent hygienic standards of your roommate, will you freely sit on the bare seat if you buy a new one?”

“No.”

“Okay then.”

To cover up the impenetrable stains of funk and musk I instead resigned to spray paint the seat white, and continued to cover it with paper each time I sat down.

Supposedly we couldn’t call the super for repairs, as part of the reason our rent was so cheap was because the apartment was rent controlled from a time before even my roommate lived there. Neither of our names were on the lease. The bathroom would remain as is, which could only be described as fucking disgusting.

I don’t know that I’d ever before smelled the smell, “putrid,” or even “rancid,” and if I had it was only in passing, only in that split second of sensual recognition before we clench our orifices in sheer panic and flee the scene for cleaner air, greener pastures. The smell emitted from my new, old bathroom’s pipes was putridly rancid, and if it wasn’t the worst thing I’d ever smelled it was at least the worst I’d ever smelled regularly. Many times while going to the bathroom I would try covering my nose with my shirt, but the thin layer of cotton was no match for this entity that surely required some kind of exorcism to defeat its demonic potency. Googled gimmicks such as baking soda and vinegar offered only brief reprieve, and for the first time in my life I was brushing my teeth everyday in the (newly exterminated) kitchen.

Unfortunately, neither the odor nor the Zen toilet flusher was my biggest gripe with the room. I would have easily tolerated either of these were it not for the worst Goddamn shower I’ve ever taken in my life. I took 500 of them if I took one.

The water dribbled out in pathetic pressure and took forever to get warm, and these were the unit’s only two familiar flaws from prior shit holes. Additionally delayed was its response to temperature adjustment, so if I came back after waiting the allotted 5-10 minutes and found the water to be scalding hot I couldn’t just adjust the knobs and expect it to adjust. There was a consistently inconsistent wait time between turning the cold water knob and when the water actually got cooler, or if it got cooler at all. Often times I’d get impatient and make it too cold before the defunct pipes were able to catch up and the water suddenly turned to the opposite extreme. Every shower was a non-stop guessing game, concurrent with a waiting game and usually a physical dance, as I’d err mostly hotter instead of colder, and had to dance in and out of the stream to rinse off suds but also avoid getting burned. The worst instances that brought me to exclaiming expletives while naked, wet and alone were surely at the end of long workdays in the winter. I’d bend over to wash my legs and feet and suddenly the erratic unit would turn from a tolerable temp to either ice cold or boiling, spraying my lower back, transforming what all my life had been a relaxing, therapeutic experience into a frustrating battle; a daily reminder of the impoverished outcome of all my hard work. Who’d ever think showering would become something I’d dread?

The good news is that next week I’m moving out, moving on up, not to the east side, thank God, but into my girlfriend’s apartment, who besides being lovely and beautiful, brilliant and hilarious, has a functional shower in an odorless bathroom with a toilet that flushes when you flush it. Amazing! I’ve never seen a cockroach in her place, and if she’s ever had explosive diarrhea it’s remained a secret, surely aimed and disposed of appropriately. I promise never to take such luxuries (nor my girlfriend) for granted again. For the first time in 21 years I’m comfortable. I may just miss being able to leave the toilet seat up.

#shitterwasfull #nationallampoons #manhattanapartments #bathroomlife

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rapmillionaire · 7 years

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cool and kind w/ a diamond mind

Alaikum asalaam 🌠🌅. It is of pleasantry that I challenge you intellectually, for this is what defines the mode of our existential chemical intertwinement. Fanciful and practical were blurred amongst one another, yes? Well good indeed, for I believe dreams may come true thus my aptness toward delusion. I once had a friend of African descent who told me, "king Suleiman, do you know the reason why women are placed among the children, beyond their care for them?" I replied, "why no, my friend, why?" He went on, "because women mentally are of a lower stature than man himself, and therefore are nearer the wavelength of naivety and ignorance akin to that of children, than men. The men talk business and politics while the women remain in the background amongst the young, left to do what they most aptly may - to care for the inferior ones". I thought how ridiculous, and sexist, and inaccurate. And yet so it is, we find oft times that the cultures whereupon Islam resides are left in the backward thinking times of indigenous-ness while the rest of mankind, of which many are less religious and spiritual, show improvement and innovation and progress and leading-edge growth. The reformation of the mind whilst keeping the principles of Islam in tact - that's the greatest jihad for each of us individually, and as an ummah. Where are the great artists who are Muslim? The cultural icons. Where are the great athletes who are Muslim and bring esteem to the young teenage boys and girls who look up to such athleticism. Where are even the lawyers and doctors and professors who seek to change the system toward the betterment of humanity rather than to maintain the legitimacy of the systemic quo that is doing the oppressing like a turnstile rotating in its positioning? You know, prescribe a drug to be taken off of a drug. Side with the accused for the sake of needed experience and monetary gain rather than because truth resides on his side. Last week i attended a speaking engagement at NYU, featuring a young NYU student body leader who shared with us his thoughts on 2 verses from the Qur'an which touch upon how Allah is the all-Knowing, All-seeing, as the Creator of both the Heavens of the Earth; how He has made us into tribes and nations and races so that we may get to know one another. One thing led to another and the featured guest speaker began telling us his story of a time he was in the Midwest, and on his way back to the airport to catch a flight to NYC. He ordered an Uber, whose driver happened to be an avid Trump supporter. The driver was curious and wanted to speak-on and debate why the Muslim brother was for Hilary and against Trump. One thing led to another and the Muslim brother found himself shot in the arm. No, just kidding. In fact, the Muslim brother stated he was not in the mood whatsoever to have a discussion with this Trump supporter. To him, the mere fact that this man was a supporter of Trump totally turned off the Muslim brother and eliminated the mutual interest and respect he had for the Midwestern man. To cut a long story short, at the end of the 3 hour ride en route the airport, the Uber driver was pleased to have met the Muslim brother and stated, if anybody ever injured his daughter, to tell him and he would bring a gun and shoot the man up who did that to his daughter. Quite dramatic indeed, but filial love and loyalty is the message, not the violence. The Muslim brother got scared and feared for his own well-being. With that said, the Muslim brother gave the Midwestern Trump supporter his phone number upon request, and yet blocked the man's phone number. So with no replies, how does the Trump man now feel of the way he was treated by the Muslim brother? What is there to be feared in getting to no another whose beliefs are different from our own. How extreme it was for Obama to pay Cuba a visit to resume talks with Castro during his tenure as President. How extreme it is for the Muslims to engage with the communities of the disenfranchised blacks, with the communities of the gays, with the Trump supporting community. If our own leaders fear interacting with the common folks of these community groups and belief systems, then what are the leaders doing for the people they lead; the rest of the Ummah followers? What sort of message and reality is this creating among the Arabs and Muslims themselves, a few of whom tend to be racist toward reverts, converts, African and Malaysian Muslims.. Nothing is to be feared. Only understood. If Allah is the creator of the Heavens and the Earth and all in between, what are we doing fearing Allah's Creations? To heed is wise. To respect takes knowing. To know takes courage. Knowing can only get understanding. We fear the other too much, more than the other fears us at times as proven in the story above. Who will bridge the gap, the Muslims or the other? If we are equipped with the great Message of Islam, one of excellence, courage, discipline, and duty, then why do we oft times conform to our most innate cultural biases and limited beliefs garnered out of a lack of study and understanding Islam for it's truest message, that Allah is the creator of all things, and none is to be feared but Him. The mere fact that varying tribes and nations have been created is testament to the differences of humankind; the Jews have the strength of teamwork and loyalty all of humanity would benefit to learn from. The Africans have a spirit all of the humanity may be of benefit to hearken. The Hispanics have the working efforts of ants. The Chinese contain order and discipline most wish they could possess an ounce of. The Arabs too have been blessed with resources and business wherewithal. The White man is unafraid to claim what he believes belongs to him via his will-power and visionary and worldly desires. We can all learn from the other, including man from woman, tolerant from the racist, constituent from the murderer, and so forth.

What level of Faith do you have? Does your faith sway from time to time, or are you 99% strong-held in the your firm faith in Allah as Him being the one who answers all prayers in it's just and due time.. I myself have gone through ups and downs, as we all have. I have not reached absoluteness yet. I pray when I feel the need for it's assistance. I do best when I am with God at each moment in my life and am living freely and am being myself effortlessly. Sometimes I require prayer, other times my life is the state of prayer itself. If that makes sense...

My vision career wise is to not have a career in the colloquial sense of the term. I will create a livelihood for myself independent of being hired or fired. I am self-sufficient and will continue to create such reality for myself iA. As I am already capable of doing it on a small scale, iA it will increase and grow evermore. My primary means of doing this is via my tennis business (intermediate stage), my writing business (amateur stage). I do work at times to make more money, but to be a dedicated 10-20 year worker doing a 8 hour shift each day, five days a week.I haven't found a job yet that I am happy doing in such a role. And I will not settle either. Hamduillah though, Allah is good and has blessed me. it just takes some patience and continuous perseverance and hard-work. I am of utmost faith that I will someday (within the next 5 years iA) be of a blessed state. I have various timelines of plans for action for how to make ends meet throughout my life and to garner the appropriated livelihood that is monetarily fruitful. One version of this plan has been to move overseas (to Egypt) in fact, to focus on my investment endeavors. to make such a move, i would first need to save up to $50,000 USD. Hamduillah that is possible. My most profitable business has been giving tennis lessons, subhanallah; and this is in NYC, which is not a tennis city (like California, Atlanta, Florida, etc.).. Thus, the trajectory of my life work is still in progress, however in due time (whether sooner than planned, or later), all connects based upon my own actions and free-will. I could easily give up and settle, but I won't because I know I will achieve what I desire most in my heart. bismillah .. As for my livelihood vision, i am a simple yet systematic, time-efficient and organized.. I do not need a nice expensive car, nor a big television set, nor game consoles or lavish furniture and paintings. I just need a laptop, a bed, some good books, internet connection, a pen, a notepad, my headphones, my microphone, my tennis racket(s) and tennis balls, a basketball, a soccer ball, some dumbbell weights + a portable pull-up bar called the flexrSport, some food (i cook these days but i usually prefer eating out as it's much faster for me- though it is healthier to cook albeit to cook a 30 minute meal and to eat it in less than 10 min -_- me no like ha), a car for expedient travel whence needed, some nice clothes that make me feel good when i wear them (collared shirts, jeans, khaki pants), a couple of pairs of shoes (black dress shoes / worker shoes, tennis shoes, sandals for the shower), some rubber-bands, some cash, a phone for communication, some paper towels, some organic soap - shampoo - tooth paste - deodorant, some hot sauce for the food, a couple of hats, a couple of mirrors, a couple of lights, and all of this in a nice little place that is near a mesjid iA, and if I have only $2Million, then i am willing to buy a home for a cost of up to $400,000 at most. iA then the other $1.6million would be divy'd up as I have planned already including to (pay zakat) $60k (Palestine kids|zaytuna school|mesjid built)... til then, i'll be renting and saving $ and reinvesting in myself.

October 14, 2017

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babybutterf1y · 7 years

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sitting in the dunking donuts study room

Do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? snapchat

Do you like the name Adam? no

What is the first liquid you drank today? red bull

Have you ever been to Los Angeles, California? Ya!!!!!!

Do you believe in angels? da

Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Or do you not care either way? ew

Is there anything in your past that you used to regret, but now you don’t? Not that I can think of

When is the last time you ate donuts? 12 hours ago

Are you left handed? No

Do you use your left or right thumb to press the space bar? depends

Have you ever had a Hershey’s bar with almonds? no ew

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? lol I'm over that

What cell phone company do you have? AT&T

Do you text on a daily basis? What about hourly? Daily yes, hourly unless I'm asleep or working

What button on your keyboard do you press most besides the space bar? s

What’s the last song you listened to? i still wait for you

When is the last time you sneezed? this morning

Who is the 3rd person you talked to this morning? maritza

Are you dating the last person you talked to on the phone? No

Do you like surveys that have good grammar and spelling? …Ya

Does your knee hurt? No

Has anyone ever bitten your knee? What the fuck

Do you know anyone whose name starts with an X, Q, or U? no

Do you know anyone whose name ends with a J, Q, or W? j

7 Friends.

tay

lex

stevan

mars

joey

jamie

nada

Questions

Has 8 ever eaten in front of you? …Ya

Have you ever been on a date with 1? No she is my roomie

Does 2 remind you of any cartoon characters? not that i can think of

Is 6 your best friend? no

Can 4 count backwards from 69 to -248? she’d stutter

Can 2 touch his/her nose with his/her tongue? Probably

Have you ever been outside with 1 when it was below freezing? yes

Has 1 ever been skating with you? No

Has 5 ever let you borrow clothing before? after i slept with him

Would 6 and 7 make a cute couple? hahahaha no

If 2 and 3 both were in a wreck at the same time, would that be sad? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS

Did 4 go to 5’s last birthday party? no

Did 5 go to 4’s wedding? she isn't married

Who is sexier: 3 or 7? shiiiiiit 3

Is 3 your best friend? not really

6 and 7 just confessed they love you. You’re single. Which do you date? nada lol