#but like. I do have my eye on grandma's marathon... I do

[bsaka7]

i do really love being in this kind of condition like it really just feels like my body is able to do whatever i want it to without too much issue which is like, my fav feeling. i feel like if u pointed me in a direction and told me to go, I could go forever (lbr forever is probably like. thirty miles. but still.).......... I felt a bit like this after my first marathon which i think is what got me hooked (had the altitude boost then also) and then got so sick after my second which is why i wanted to do this one. tbh i think my mileage was so low for my second marathon so that probably was a big factor in getting sick. but this training cycle minus the covid has largely been great (hardest run was for sure last week's "long run" which was the 3wks out back-to-back and also killed me in the spring. my first marathon i felt so bad after the longest run that I just skipped that one lol) and I've felt a lot better than I imagined i could! Definitely the amount I walk daily and for work also contributes to this. Anyway. looking forward to the race in 17 days and telling myself that will determine what comes next.... but very excited for whatever running the next year holds because it does feel like ive had some kind of a breakthrough...!

[cranberryjuice-posts]

HELLO?? I LOVE YOUR CLARISSE FANFICS I EAT THEM UP EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! ok ok so i was wonderingggg if you could do dior goodjohn x (actor/singer) reader! their in this interview together just the two of them for percy jackson, the interview makes reader uncomfortable and then clarisse is just like protecting reader! then when they get home they get blasted with edits of them but if you don’t do fanfics of the actors that’s totally ok because i have one for clarisse! clarisse la rue x (athena) reader! the reader and clarisse where friends before clarisse got sent to camp haft blood and so like about 3 years later reader gets sent there too, reader doesn’t recognize clarisse before clarisse says this one things that makes reader remember (you can decide on what she says! would be amazing if their could be like a makeout sesh😋😋) TY IF YIU SEE THIS AND YK MAKE THE FSNFICS AHH LOVE YOUR WRITING

You know where to find me — and I know where to look

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Fem! daughter of Athena! Reader

One of your earliest memories was when you were 13. Running around with clarisse in your private catholic boarding school, skipping class and watching as she would constantly get into fights.

You both looked after eachother, clarisses mom was enlisted in the army thus she lived with her grandma who wasn’t the nicest and you.. well your dad seemed to only care about you when he needed something solved.

Forcing clarisse to sit on the schools bathroom sink counter you started to clean a cut on the girls cheek. Not wanting to even think about how you’ll get the blood off her light blue uniform top. “It’s not even my fault!” The young girl yelled. “If Jeremiah thinks ‘slap ass Friday’ is so funny then maybe he should get his ass beat every now and then”

You just nodded following along with what the girl spoke. Moving a frizzy curl out of the girls way you noticed how she scoffed. “I should just cut this off” she grabbed the loose curls shoving them into her messy ponytail. “Don’t do that” you sighed pulling her hands away from her hair. “You Just Need some help to keep your curls nice that’s all”

Clarisses cheeks flushed, she shoved your hands away as she looked to the side. “Whatever”

“Hey!” A teacher aggressively busted into the bathroom. “Skipping class really?! Both of You principal office now!”

Clarisse grabbed your hand pushing past the teacher and down the private schools halls. You laughed as you followed the girl around the school, running down the stairs and past the nuns.

Shoving into a janitors closet and shutting it before the teacher could catch up. You panted while clarisse who Just practically ran a marathon was fine. Turning on the light you plopped down onto a pair of stacked chairs. “How are You able to do that!?”

“Do what?”

“Run like That and not even be tired” you questioned. Clarisse just shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t really know I just am I a guess” she sighed sitting on a shelf.

Finally catching your breath you looked over “Hey clarisse?”

The girl set the tool she had been messing with down. “Yeah?”

“Will we always be best friends?” You quietly asked. Paying attention as clarisse had an annoyed look on her face she soon nodded. “Yeah.. cause you’ll always know where to find me”

You rolled your eyes “well I always know where to look” chuckling you reached out with your pinkie. Clarisse followed suit latching here onto yours. You knew what was between you and clarisse was far away from platonic but what did you know you were just some 13 year old kid.

The next morning clarisse was gone. Not a word not a letter nothing.. she had just left

You promised yourself you would never forget her. At first it started with not remembering how she spoke, then you forgot her face, and soon enough even her name you had completely forgotten.

———

Three years later.

After being chased by a hellhound and a few other angry monsters you found yourself at camp halfblood.

The weeks sorta merged together. However once you were claimed by Athena everything seemed to change, new found siblings. People wanting to be your friends and now finally not feeling like you were alone.

Through out your weeks at camp you had heard about a girl named clarisse. The name sounded familiar but you couldn’t place it exactly. The fact the mysterious girl avoided you to didn’t help either.

—

Annabeth Open the door agressivly throwing her dagger onto the bed. “What’s wrong?” You asked looking up from your book. “Nothing nothing.. I just got paired to lead a training class with clarisse”

“And what’s the problem?”

“She’s terrible What do you mean ‘what’s the problem’” your sister scoffed crossing her arms.

“I just meant that clarisse hasn’t done anything to me personally.. I don’t think I’ve even met her before” shaking your head you returned to your book.

Annabeth stayed quiet for a moment before grabbing the boom out of your hand. “Fine then, if you’ve never met her before then you should go lead the class with her.. besides it’ll be good for you”

Begrudgingly you accepted. Leaving your cabin you headed towards the arena, dagger strapped at your thigh.

—

The arena was loud and well… sweaty. Joining the kids who were sparring you made your way to a girl who stood crossed arm wearing Greek armor. “Uh hi? Your clarisse right” You stepped up to her. “I’m annabeths sister she wasn’t feeling well so I’m here to help you uh lead the class”

“You have any experience in battle” she rudely spoke not looking at you. “No b—“

“Then get lost I don’t need any dead weight” she scoffed before turning her attention back to the other campers who were sparring. “Hey! Did I not just say to stop stepping out!!”

You looked at the girl with a irritated face. “I’m not dead weight I can help”

Clarisse grabbed her spear before she harshly turned towards you. Just as she was going to say something she stopped. Looking at you for a second clarisse seemed to calm down. “Y/n?” She quietly asked.

Stepping back some you looked around confused. “Uh yeah.. that’s my name” you nodded awkwardly.

She took her helmet off tossing it aside looking at you excitedly. “It’s me? Remember? no fucking way your a demigod to! I should of guessed you were always the top of our class— gods how have you been”

At this point you were weirded out. “I’m sorry but I don’t know you..” She furrowed her eyebrows slightly fustrated. “What do You mean you don’t know me? We were best friends”

You just shrugged your shoulders apologetically. Clarisse nodded taking a moment to think before grabbing your hand, forcing it into a fist with your pinky sticking out. She linked her pinky with yours and gave you a slightly annoyed look. “You know where to find me”

It took you a few seconds to register what she said. After an uncomfortable amount of silence clarisse sighed, before she could pull away however you tightly linked your pinky with hers “and I know where to look” You smiled “oh my god clarisse!” you laughed hugging the girl tightly.

Some of The campers around stopped what they were doing, shocked at the fact clarisse was being hugged by a pretty girl. Quickly returning to what they were doing after receiving a hateful glare from clarisse.

The strong girl hugged you back tightly, allowing you to pull back you continued to grin. “Look at You! Wow you’ve gotten so pretty, and strong to gods” laughing you reached out to touch the girls face before noticing her hair. “And your hair— see what did I say all you needed to do was learn to take care of it properly”

A familiar rush flooded your body. How clarisses hands were now squeezing your hips with her body close to yours- so close you could smell her pine cologne. Your cheeks turned red once you realized you were playing with the girls hair

Clearing your throat you pulled back completely taking a few steps away from her. “Sorry I just uh.. I got to excited”

Clarisse shook her head “don’t worry about it.. anyways uh if you still wanna help with all this just grab a sword from over there ok”

You smiled in response. It had been years since you felt like that, Clarisse for some reason always made you get flustered… but that didn’t mean anything.

———

Over the next week you found yourself spending every free second with clarisse.

It was like a breath of fresh air. You both had changed a-lot from being 13 to 16 but the same spark was still between you both. You found it amusing how she could go from an Absolute bully to a sweet heart towards you.

What didn’t help was how attractive the girl was. Her muscular arms and face that was meant to wear greek Armor made you go weak in the knees. Being gay was something you came to terms with years ago but finding yourself falling in love with your best-friend was just cringe. Out of all the girls at camp you choose clarisse.. really

——

The best part of camp in your opinion was the bondfire. Being able to sit around a cozy setting with friends and family warmed your heart in more ways than one.

After some time you were approached by a girl named Willow who you later found out was a daughter of Hermes.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like her. She was tall, strong and had a charming face, And she clearly seemed to like you to. “Don’t lie to me pretty girl you’ve seriously never had your first kiss”

Shaking your head you let out a soft laugh. “No never, actually I’ve never had a girlfriend before” Willow scoffed, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear she leaned forward some. “Well.. I can offer an easy solution to both those problems— that is if you would like it” she tilted her head some.

Before you could answer however clarisse shoved Willow back from where she was making her almost fall out of her seat. “Clarisse what the fuck!”

“She’s not interested Willow, instead of preying on girls who don’t want you why don’t you go fuck around with one of your ex”

Campers looking over, embarrassed enough as it was you Grabbed clarisses arm pulling her away. Quickly finding the Athena cabin you threw the girl inside. “What was That” you almost yelled.

“What was What” she continued to play innocent, now messing around with you stuff— grabbing s mechanical pencil to mess with. “Stop Just stop! Clarisse a girl was finally showing Interest in me—-“

“Yeah a fuck girl who only wants to finger you then break your heart but god forbid I look out for you right!”

“I don’t care about that! It’s still the matter of fact someone liked me and you just—“

“Did you ever stop to think there might me other girls out there better than Willow who like you!”

At this point you were beyond frustrated. “Gods can You stop interrupting me!” You watched as clarisse awkwardly shifted her stance, now feeling bad you sighed walking over to the girl hugging her. “I know I’m new to this whole demigod life and you have no idea how thankful I am for having you here”

Clarisse squeezed you slightly. After a few moments you laughed. “What did you mean by ‘other girls here like me’ I’ve only been here for what like a month?” Clarisse didn’t respond however her actions told you otherwise. The shifting in her feet, the way her eyes avoided yours, how she held you— fuck clarisse liked you.

Once you realized it the daughter of ares knew you already figured it out. She cursed under her breath for a moment but was soon caught up in the fact you had grabbed her face and kissed her. The kiss only lasted for a second even though it wasn’t that great of a kiss it got the point across. “I like you I like you a lot actually uh clarisse your super cool and sweet and I ju—“ you started to anxiously ramble until she cut you off with yet another kiss this time it being more directed and sweet.

Pulling away you smiled, keeping your lips close to the girls “you know what I love about you.. how you always let me finish my sentences” the opposing girl just rolled her eyes making you laugh once again

———

Once you returned to the campfire you were confused as to why people were making teasing remarks at you and clarisse.. until annabeth pointed out your now messed up hair, flushed cheeks, wrinkled shirt and lastly the growing hickey on your neck.

———

Y/n - you are a sociopath these look like you tried to strangle me

Clarisse - Yeah Well you weren’t complaining when I was leaving them there

—

[wonies-cheeks]

Skincare & Disney | l.hs

Genre: fluff

W/C: 2.2k

Warning: swearing

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, and you and your boyfriend, Heeseung, had decided to spend the day in, pampering yourselves with a skincare routine and watching a Disney movie marathon. Your bedroom was cozy, with soft blankets piled on top of your bed and a selection of your favorite snacks laid out on the nightstand beside your bed. Heeseung was already rummaging through the various skincare products you had brought out, a look of determination on his face.

"You sure you know what you're doing?" you teased, watching him examine a face mask with intense concentration.

He shot you a playful glare. "I have no idea what half of these things are, but I'm willing to learn. Besides, my skin could use some TLC."

You laughed, shaking your head. "Alright, skincare guru, let's start with a cleanser."

Heeseung fumbled with the bottle, accidentally squirting a bit too much product into his hand. "Shit, sorry, how much of this stuff am I supposed to use?"

"Just a small amount," you replied, stepping closer to help him. You took some of the excess cleanser from his hand and began to gently massage it onto his face. Heeseung closed his eyes, a contented smile spreading across his lips.

"This feels nice," he murmured. "I could get used to this."

"Don't get too comfortable," you warned, grinning. "We still have a whole routine to get through."

After cleansing, you moved on to toner, which Heeseung found surprisingly refreshing. He flinched a little at the cold sensation but quickly relaxed. Next came the serums and moisturizers, and Heeseung watched with wide eyes as you carefully applied each product to his skin.

"This is a lot of steps," he remarked. "How do you keep track of all this?"

"With my big brain, something you lack," you said with a shrug. "Plus, it's worth it for that glowing skin."

Heeseung let out a scoff, “Something I lack? Weren’t you the one who put a frozen burrito in the microwave, and when it didn’t heat up, you threw it away and tried heating up a different one?” he shot back.

You felt your face go red, “Shut the fuck up. You promised you wouldn’t bring that up.” You whined.

Heeseung chuckled, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. "Just saying, maybe your big brain isn't as big as you think."

"Whatever," you muttered, trying to hide your smile.

Heeseung leaned in, his face close to yours. "Am I glowing yet?"

You examined his face with exaggerated seriousness. "Hmm, not quite. But you're getting there."

He chuckled and gave you a quick peck on the lips. "Thanks for being my skincare expert."

The next part of your routine involved face masks. You handed Heeseung a bright green avocado mask and kept a calming lavender mask for yourself. Heeseung stared at the avocado mask with a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

"Are you sure this is safe?" he asked, eyeing the bright green goo.

"Yes, it’s perfectly safe. Besides, it's fun," you reassured him. "Now, smear it on your face like this."

You demonstrated, applying the lavender mask evenly across your face. Heeseung followed suit, but a bit more clumsily, and soon you were both sitting on your bed with your faces covered in colorful masks.

"Wow, we look ridiculous," Heeseung said, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror.

You couldn't help but burst into laughter. "We really do. But it's all part of the experience!"

"Speak for yourself," Heeseung teased. "I look like a healthy avocado smoothie. You look like a flower shop exploded on your face."

"Oh, shut up," you laughed. "You're just jealous because my mask is more luxurious."

"Luxurious? You mean it smells like a grandma's soap collection," he shot back, smirking.

"At least I won't look like a green monster when this comes off," you retorted.

"Hey, green monsters can be cute," he defended, trying to keep a straight face. "Just look at Shrek."

"Oh my god, did you just compare yourself to Shrek?" you asked, giggling uncontrollably.

"Only the best for you, my Fiona," he said with a mock bow, which made you laugh even harder.

Heeseung's laughter joined yours, and soon you were both laughing so hard your stomachs hurt. Heeseung clutched his side, gasping for breath. "I can't believe how silly we look."

Tears of laughter streamed down your face, mingling with the mask. "This is the best. I haven't laughed this much in ages."

"Me neither," Heeseung agreed, wiping away his own tears. "I guess this is what happens when you mix skincare with Disney movies."

Speaking of Disney movies, you decided it was time to start the marathon. You settled back onto your bed, carefully avoiding smearing your masks on the pillows. Heeseung grabbed the remote and scrolled through the options.

"What should we start with?" he asked.

"Beauty and the Beast," you suggested. "It's a classic."

Heeseung nodded and clicked play, and the familiar opening music filled the room. You sat in between his legs and snuggled up into him, resting the back of your head on his shoulder as the movie began. It didn't take long for the bickering to start, though.

"You know, Belle's kind of a nerd," Heeseung commented, a teasing tone in his voice.

You rolled your eyes. "She's intelligent and curious. That's what makes her awesome."

"Yeah, but she falls in love with a beast," he pointed out. "That's a little weird."

"It's called seeing beyond appearances," you retorted. "You could learn a thing or two from her."

Heeseung laughed and pulled you closer. "Okay, okay. Belle is great. Happy now?"

"Very," you said smugly, giving him a quick peck on his lips.

The movie continued, and the two of you got more and more invested, singing along to the songs, and making silly comments about the characters. When the iconic ballroom scene came on, Heeseung suddenly got off the bed and extended his hand to you.

"May I have this dance?" he asked, trying to keep a straight face.

You giggled and took his hand. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

He grinned. "But you love me."

You couldn't argue with that. Heeseung twirled you around your bedroom, humming the tune of "Beauty and the Beast" as you danced together. It was silly and sweet, and you couldn't stop laughing.

When the movie ended, you both collapsed back onto your bed, slightly out of breath from your impromptu dance session. Heeseung turned to you, his eyes twinkling.

"Okay, what's next?" he asked, reaching for the remote again.

"How about The Lion King?" you suggested. "I haven't seen it in ages."

"Sure," he agreed. "But first, let's get these masks off before they permanently become part of our faces."

You both made your way to the bathroom, standing side by side in front of the mirror. Heeseung started peeling his mask off, wincing dramatically as if it were a Herculean task.

"Stop being such a baby," you teased, carefully removing your own mask.

Heeseung stuck his tongue out at you. "You try peeling avocado off your face and see how you like it."

You couldn't help but laugh. "It's just a face mask, Heeseung. Not a life-or-death situation."

Once you were both mask-free and had rinsed your faces, you applied a light moisturizer to finish off the routine. Heeseung watched you with a playful smirk as you gently massaged the moisturizer into his skin.

"You missed a spot," he said, pointing to his cheek.

You rolled your eyes and smoothed the moisturizer over the 'missed' spot. "There, happy?"

"Very," he said, leaning down to give you a soft, lingering kiss. "Thanks for taking care of my skin."

"Anytime," you replied, feeling a warm flutter in your chest from the kiss.

Back in your bedroom, you settled onto your bed once more, ready for the next movie. Heeseung grabbed the remote and started The Lion King, and you both snuggled up under the blankets.

This time, the bickering was about which character was the best.

"Simba is obviously the best," Heeseung declared. "He's the main character."

"Pfft, Timon and Pumbaa steal the show," you argued. "They're hilarious."

"Yeah, but Simba grows up to be a badass king," He countered.

You rolled your eyes playfully. "And Timon and Pumbaa teach him how to live life with no worries. 'Hakuna Matata,' remember?"

 "Yeah, but did they save the Pride Lands? No, Simba did. So, he wins," Heeseung said smugly.

"Oh, please. Timon and Pumbaa are the real MVPs. They raised him and taught him how to survive," you shot back.

"Okay, fine. But what about Rafiki? He's the one who gets Simba to go back," Heeseung said, raising an eyebrow.

"Rafiki's cool, but he's more of a wise old mentor. Timon and Pumbaa are the heart and soul," you insisted.

Heeseung chuckled. "You just like them because they're funny."

"Exactly! They bring the fun," you grinned. "Once again, you could learn a thing or two from them."

Heeseung laughed and pulled you in for a kiss, his lips soft and warm against yours. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that?"

"But you love me," you replied, echoing his earlier words.

The kiss deepened, and you felt a rush of warmth and happiness. Heeseung's hand cupped your cheek, his thumb gently stroking your skin. When you finally pulled away, you were both smiling.

Heeseung smiled and said, "Alright, I'll admit, they are pretty funny. But Simba is still the best."

You sighed dramatically. "Fine, we'll agree to disagree."

As the movie continued, you both got more invested in the story, singing along to the songs and making silly comments about the characters. When Scar's song "Be Prepared" came on, Heeseung couldn't help but make a dramatic gesture, imitating Scar's villainous demeanor.

"Look at me, I'm the king of the hyenas," Heeseung said in a mock-serious tone.

You burst out laughing. "You could never be as evil as Scar. You're too much of a goofball."

He pretended to be offended. "Hey, I can be serious when I want to be."

"Sure, sure," you teased. "But let's be real, you'd probably end up befriending the hyenas instead."

Heeseung grinned. "True. They'd be my squad."

When the iconic "Hakuna Matata" scene came on, you both sang along at the top of your lungs, laughing and dancing around your bedroom. Heeseung grabbed your hands and twirled you around, and for a moment, you felt like carefree kids again.

After the song ended, you collapsed back onto your bed, slightly out of breath but grinning from ear to ear. Heeseung looked at you, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

"You know, we should have our own 'Hakuna Matata' philosophy," he said. "No worries, right?"

"Absolutely," you agreed, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "No worries as long as we're together."

Heeseung smiled and pulled you into him. As the movie continued, you both got more comfortable, with Heeseung's arm wrapped around you and your head resting on his chest. You watched the characters on screen, but your attention kept drifting back to Heeseung. His laughter, his silly comments, the way he kissed you – it all made you realize just how lucky you were to have him.

When the climactic battle scene came on, Heeseung couldn't resist making more dramatic gestures, pretending to be Simba facing off against Scar.

"See, Simba's the hero," he said, puffing out his chest.

"Okay, fine, you've got a point," you conceded, laughing at his antics. "But Timon and Pumbaa still helped save the day."

"Team effort," Heeseung agreed, pulling you closer for another kiss.

As the final scene played and Simba took his place as king, you both sighed contentedly. Heeseung looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Ready for round three?"

"What do you have in mind?" you asked, curious.

"How about Aladdin?" he suggested. "We can argue about which genie is better – Robin Williams or Will Smith."

"Oh, it's on," you said with a laugh.

As the opening scenes of Aladdin played, you couldn't help but feel a wave of gratitude for moments like these. Lazy afternoons filled with laughter, bickering, and sweet kisses with Heeseung were the best kind of days. And you knew that no matter how many Disney movies you watched or skincare routines you tried, what mattered most was the love and joy you shared.

When you looked over at Heeseung, his eyes were already on you. He leaned in and gave you a kiss, his lips lingering on yours as if savoring every second. You felt a warmth spread through your entire body, and you knew that this moment, right here with Heeseung, was perfect.

He broke the kiss and whispered, "I love you."

You smiled, your heart swelling with happiness. "I love you too."

With Heeseung by your side, even the simplest moments were magical.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*

[neuroprincess]

Bunny Ears and Chocolate - Ava Coleman/Female Reader

Ava Coleman/Female Reader

Summary: When another celebration arrives, you think it's going to be one more blank day, but an unexpected gift and a wonderful girlfriend prove otherwise.

Classification: Slight angst, Fluff

Warnings: Reference to a reader's unhappy childhood, Ava being a romantic baby

Note: I should have posted this at Easter, but you know me, I just found it in my archived writings

Word count: +2200

Unrevised

Growing up in a home that was considered unstructured and not at all affectionate deprived you of many moments that other children had throughout their lives: the tooth fairy didn't even bother to leave 5 cents for each tooth that fell out, Christmas didn't have the same sparkle as the TV commercials and Thanksgiving was always summed up in canned food, maybe a fight between your parents in the kitchen at the end of the night. It was no different with Easter, every now and then you'd get a cheap bar of chocolate at school or from some kind neighbor, you didn't even take part in a neighbourhood egg hunt. The whole process was a gray area between so many celebrations, weekends and holidays spent watching movie marathons with lots of popcorn and a pinch of loneliness by choice. 

It was like that for years, until you met Ava, who never cared about any of this before and you thought it might be a good match when you started dating. However, she had this, her parents were affectionate and gave the best moments that continue to be remembered fondly when each of these dates arrives. You like to hear her describe every toy she got from some distant relative and later exchanged for something more interesting with classmates, the weird casseroles grandma invented for dinner or when she bought the first make-up with the money the fairy, aka her mom, left under the pillow. Between laughs and jokes, she always looks forward to hearing your stories and can't hide disappointment when the subject is suddenly changed, teasing you a little, but giving up so as not to make you uncomfortable. Deep down, you start to care and feel envious of all the lost moments, all the things you can't have, the invisible, dormant childish wounds festering. Wounds set aside, especially when it comes to her work as a teacher at Abbott.

"Miss Y/L/N, how do we know if the butterfly is male or female?" one of the students asks, leaning over the table to get a better look inside the transparent box.

"Don't be silly, Kayla!" another replies, rolling his eyes, and does the same "They're all female."

"Actually, not all of them are female, dear." you stand between them and point to the insect that's emerging from its cocoon, weeks before you found a caterpillar in Barb's flower beds and it collected itself in the cocoon, which coincidentally ended up hatching on the last day of school before holiday "That's a monarch butterfly, if there are dark spots on the hind wings it's a male and if not it's a female."

"But it hasn't opened the wings yet." Kayla observes sadly, for a child minutes can seem like a real eternity "It's taking too long..."

"That's just it, hatching can take from 10 minutes to 60 minutes, each one has their own time."

"Just like the rest of us," she adds with a hearty smile.

"You all see how incredible metamorphosis can be?!"

A little animated chatter starts up as your class waits anxiously to watch it fully emerge from cocoon, most of them debating which names to choose and how they would take care of it, forgetting the little agreement they had made, you decided to let them enjoy the moment before scrapping the hopeful children's plans.

"I don't see any spots!" Carson shouts excitedly "We've got a girl!"

After a while, they agree on a name and end up naming her Lizzy - cute, short and pretty. In third period, your kids gather to release her into the playground, and you take advantage of the moment to explain the relationship between butterflies and Easter and all the meaning behind the beautiful transformation. 

"Miss Y/L/N..." Kayla calls out to you shyly as everyone gets ready for break, most of them already running, the girl puts her hands behind back and blushes approaching the table "I saved this one for you."

She holds up an Easter egg wrapped in fluffy colored paper, a bow adorning it and making the package more attractive. The girl stares at you with her eyes shining in anticipation as you fight back imminent tears, not something you expected to happen when you woke up in the morning. It's your first chocolate Easter egg in all your years of life, a small, innocent gesture from a schoolchild that makes the entire wall built up around commemorative dates and traditions crumble in seconds.

"Thank you so much, dear..." you accept the treat with a little uncertainty, hands trembling as you hold the candy "I..."

"I knew you'd like it, it's very good, I promise." she says cheerfully and leaves the classroom, as if she hadn't just made a grand gesture.

As soon as the girl leaves, the principal comes through the doorway with her usual cheeky grin and full of curiosity about your reaction, asking herself what she could have done to you, none of which comes close to the real thing. Her presence is barely noticed, not even when she closes the door after the room has emptied, your eyes fixed on the adorable wrapping, the colorful patterns and the generic but cute note wishing Happy Easter.

"Kitten..." she calls for the third time, worried "Is everything all right?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was over the moon." you try to pull yourself together, compressing lips and bringing fingers to the corners of eyes, wiping your face "Hungry?"

"Just of you." Ava whispers seductively and takes two steps forward, standing inches away to steal a quick kiss "Now tell me what happened or I'll tickle the hell out of you." it's the kind of affectionate threat that doesn't make you laugh this time, it's a difficult topic to talk about, but maybe that's the time.

"Well, there's a reason I never tell holiday stories or have great comments for yours, I..." tears are there again, stronger and warmer, you take the candy to heart in search of comfort, the woman keeps quiet listening attentively "I never had any of that, my parents never gave a damn and I wasn't a demanding child."

"That?"

"Coins from the tooth fairy, nice dinners, Christmas trees, gifts and..." the Easter egg is raised with a certain pride, finally giving in to crying, tears of sadness and happiness mixing together "This! It's my first!" you finally admits, feeling a little childish at the thrill and excitement of something so small for an adult.

"Your first?" she is genuinely confused, staring at the simple candy, which for her has no great significance, then the realization of the fact hits her hard "Really?"

"Yes, one of my students just gave it to me." you whisper, feeling the tears wanting to come back again and a tight feeling in chest "I know, it's silly..."

"No, it's not, it's never silly, especially if it's something important to you." the woman responds quickly, wrapping arms around your trembling body and puts your head against her soft breasts, it's an intimate and comforting act "And if I'd known before, I'd have been the first person to give you a chocolate. And decorated the house last Christmas. Or better, I would have taken you to New York. I guess I just wouldn't have had a solution for the tooth fairy... but there are ideas on how to make up for it."

"God, you're the best girlfriend ever."

"Of course I am." Ava kisses your forehead and takes advantage of the position to slip her fingers under your shirt, lightly tickling the sensitive spots "So much so that I ordered tarts from that new store you mentioned last week."

She holds up the cardboard bag with the pretty logo and half a dozen tarts in various flavors. A delicious dessert for a pleasant shared lunch, which has become routine, a moment of peace to enjoy each other's presence in the busy and chaotic routine that is working in childhood education.

With a bag full of art supplies and a pile of exam papers in hand, you enter the apartment, struggling not to knock everything off the improvised jenga. Usually you would have the help of the tallest one, those long arms look so sexy carrying boxes full of children's books and covered in glitter, but after all that sugar and dough, she had to go home early with an stomach bug. Of course, in her pile there are one or two medicines and tea for her.

"Darling?" home is strangely dark, silent and there's no sign of your partner's vibrant personality "Ava? Are you feeling better?" you ask, starting to get worried, hurrying to turn on the light switches.

When the light turns on, you find yourself with one foot on what looks like a rabbit's footprint glued to the wood floor. Then another next to it, followed by another and another, the bags are abandoned at the entrance and the door closed. Step by step you reach the coat closet, where a chocolate bar is placed next to a card with the words "Our love is sweet as the place we started the day together... or as your coffee." handwritten in impeccable calligraphy. It makes you smile lovingly, she always jokes about the amount of cream you put in the liquid as you get ready for the morning, only to steal some of it with kisses. The fun mugs, perhaps one of the first things you bought when decided to move in together, hold truffles and the next tip. Seven cards later, almost every room explored and your arm full of candies, you finally reach the last place with the tip "No matter where we are, as long as we're together, we've found our home." and it's obvious that it's the master bedroom, where you love each other, talk about your days and plan the future, where you can strip away the burdens of everyday life and forget about the world.

"Do you like it, kitten?" the woman asks, coming up behind as soon as you open the door.

In the middle of the bed, there's a huge Easter basket of chocolates, from simple chocolate bars to decorated boxes of handmade truffles, with colorful wrapping and a giant bow, next to a big stuffed bunny, one of those fluffy ones that are too cute to resist hugging. A Happy Easter banner has been placed above the headboard and when turn around you let out a laugh when notice that the principal is wearing a fuzzy bunny ears, one up and the other down, a cute made-up nose.

"Welcome back, little baby!" she wraps her arms around waist and lifts you into the air, capturing your lips as she spins around.

"You... You did all this for me? Aw, that's so sweet and thoughtful."

"And all yours, I wanted to make your first official Easter something special." Ava puts you down and picks up a second bunny ear from the shelf, carefully placing it on your head "My cutie..."

"I'm literally speechless, all I can think about is how amazing you are."

"I know!" she jokes and leans in to give you another kiss "Sweetheart, you're a wonderful person and I'm sorry you didn't have any of these moments, but know that I'm going to make each of these dates unforgettable and unique, something of ours."

You stare at her in shock and feel your eyes sting, tears gathering at the edges of eyes, it's hard to control. This was the first surprise you've ever received in your life and certainly the best of all, every detail was thought of, planned and made especially for you, as well as the romantic touch she gave to every little and big gift.

"You don't have to do that..." you whisper, voice breaking with emotion, "I... You already do so much for me."

"I haven't even done half of what I want to do for you." your girlfriend smiles tenderly, her hand sliding gently across your cheek "You deserve the world and I'm going to do my best to give it to you."

"I don't even know how to thank you for everything." a feeling of being silly comes over you again, but it's quickly gone when you see the passionate smile on her plump lips "It's more than I could have dreamed of."

"You don't have to be thankful, baby, just enjoy it." she replies, lifting you onto her lap and standing face to face "Or enjoy it while you thank me."

Ava is funny and suggestive, walking slowly over to the bed, sitting there with you on her lap, surrounded by the candies and the cheerful decoration. She brings a hand up to yours, intertwining her fingers with yours. The comfortable silence is broken only by the soft sound of breathing and happy giggles.

"Shall we eat some chocolate and then watch a movie?" the woman asks, squeezing you a little tighter against her "We have the whole weekend to ourselves."

All you can do is nod, leaning in again to give her a kiss, this time slow and passionate, full of tenderness. She moans feeling your fingers tangle in the black strands, pulling her towards you and deepening the contact.

"I love you, baby." you whisper against her lips, knocking into the soft mattress.

"No more than I love you, kitten. You have no idea."

taglist: @wastdstime @scarr0713 @heidss @xvyzxx @milffilm @taurus-baby-34 @josephinevr @grandtacoranchnickel @multifandomlesbianic @louderfortheback @le0vo1dz @lilfartbox1 @evattude @tmlwattpad19

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[roadkillremi]

Randy Meeks x Ghostface!Fem!Reader and TOXIC!Poly!Ghostface x Ghostface!Fem!Reader

Part 2 Part 3 MasterList

Warnings : Mentions Killing, language, Mentions Sex, Mentions plans on killing, Toxic Relationship, Mentions Under-Aged Drinking, Displays Under Age drinking. (Please don't drink if you're not 21). (If I'm missing any please let me know!) *Future Chapters feature Smut*

I do NOT support killing or toxic relationships. Especially the one displayed below. If this is happening to you or a loved one please contact help ASAP!

Summary : Being childhood friends with Billy Loomis wasn't always easy. As you got older he demanded revenge and that you helped him. (He may have manipulated you along the way). After helping kill Sydney's mother you refused to help anymore. Billy and Stu forced you to stay due to blackmail causing you to be in a toxic secret relationship.

You lounged your legs out on the concrete boarder of the fountain. Randy sat behind you wrapping his arms around your waste stealing a chip from the bag in your lap now and then.

"How could someone do that?" Sydney asked softly.

"You gut her!" Stu laughed, Billy shot him a look and then glanced at you. You rolled your eyes taking a bit of your chip. You leaned back against Randy's torso.

"You dated her, Macher. Makes you a suspect." Randy smiled. Stu glared at Randy, "for a day." You added laughing.

"come on, guys. Its not funny. Someone died." Tatum sighed.

"You know what that means.." Randy said. You sighed knowing what was about to come. His grip tighten, "horror movie marathon.". You glanced over your shoulder, "Really?".

"Yes, we have to recheck and follow the rules."

Everyone blankly stared at him, "Randy, Honey. I adore you but I'm not rewatching IT with you.". He rolled his eyes, "oh come on!".

"You know what we can do?" Stu said interrupting.

"Go to the party at my place!" He smiled.

"Stu you are such an idiot" you whispered before getting up. You grabbed Randy's hand pulling him up about to walk away.

"And where are you two going?" Tatum asked. You smiled, "Bells gonna ring in.." you looked at Randy's watch.

"28 seconds." You smiled walking away holding Randy's hand. Randy shrugged smiling walking with you. You two walked into the school, the bell ringing exactly when you said it was.

"Do you actually think it's Stu?" You asked looking up at him. He tilted his head, "maybe. The motive makes sense. The 'I can't have her no one can'. " Randy made a crazy face as he talked.

"But he wouldn't be that organized." You pointed out. You tilted your head, "he's also the goofball. And you always say-"

"Never trust the goofball" you both said at the same time.

Randy smiled wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you closer.

"that's my girl!" He gave you a small kiss before heading to class.

You sat on Stus couch looking at your sneakers. You told Randy you were at your Grandma's for the night. That was a lie. Billy sat beside you watching the movie without making a sound. His hand gently on your knee, you told him you were okay with it. That was another lie. You didn't talk much when you were forced to come over to Stus house. Stu was getting beers and popcorn before trotting next you.

"What's the matter, baby?" Stu smiled. You looked over at him taking a beer. Your face cringed at the nickname.

"Nothing in particular.." you said softly as you opened a beer.

Billy glanced over before looking back at the TV. You were watching Psycho, for the 236th since the last 3 years. Billy huffed, "she doesn't want poor Randy to die.". Stu giggled like a little girl, "I don't get it. Why do you like that guy so much?-". You stood up, "Um, maybe because he's not a killer or a psychopath!". You gripped your beer tightly before taking another swig.

Stu pretended to be hurt, Billy looked at you. He smiled softly, "Movies make the psycho, Sweetie. You know this.". You rolled your eyes, "I'm leaving.". You grabbed you keys heading towards the door.

"You walk out that door I'll make sure Randy knows what You've done." Billy's voiced boomed through the living room. You stopped looking over your shoulder.

"OOOO" Stu laughed.

"That's different and you know it!" You turned towards the two men. Billy stood up, "Yeah, because Sydney's mom messed up your family as well. Mom and Dad split, Stepdad didn't want you. So you live with your Aunt. Does he know that? Bet he'll think you're a suspect.." you tried to speak before he interrupted.

"Remember when you were all upset because he was so obsessed with Sydney? How sad you were. You cried in me and Stu's lap all night.."

"it's not the same, Billy!"

He stepped closer, "or how after we killed her mother we all slept together? Did you tell him that? I wonder why you and Randy never had sex yet. You both are 18 and about to graduate. Nothing to lose but why not, hmm? Ashamed he'll find out who took your virginity that night?" Billy was inches away from you now. Stu made it behind you wrapping his arms around your waist. You looked at him, you felt queasy.

"Just let me go.. You know I won't tell anyone." You said softly. Billy chuckled, "Too late for that, darling.". You looked away, Billy grabbed your chin forcing you to look at him. You glared at him standing still, he gently kissed you. Yet the kiss wasn't so gentle, his lips were firm and rough. Stu joined in and kissed your neck, you didn't make a noise or a face. Billy backed up to look at you, "Friday night everything will be perfect again." Billy said staring into your eyes.

"Yeah, give out a couple beers! And Bam! everyone's out and we do the killing!" Stu laughed. You nodded hoping the boys will let you go home. Billy stood there and grabbed your keys from your hand.

"Get in the car. I'll drive you home." He muttered. You nodded following his orders into your car. The silence was loud all the way there. Once he got to the house he parked the car.

"how are you gonna get home?" You said staring straight ahead.

"I'll walk. I just needed to make sure you didn't see that asshat tonight."

He meant Randy, you nodded and unbuckled your seat belt. You attempted to open the door before Billy stopped you.

"Promise you won't see him."

"I promise."

"Look at me when you say it."

You looked over your shoulder, "I promise.".

Another lie.

Randy jumped from knocking at his window. He moved his curtains aside to see you standing in-between bushes. He opened his window, "There's this invention called a front door. You should try it sometime." He smiled helping you in.

"Ha ha, you're funny Meeks." You looked around, his room was cluttered with junk. Or what he calls collectables, nothing really changed since you were here last time. You softly smile at him before you hug him.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" Randy placed his hands on your shoulder trying to get a good look at you. You smiled lazily hiding the pain, "what if we get murdered?..".

Meaning, 'what if Billy kills you and pretends to kill me? How could I live with that?'.

Randys brows knitted together, "I highly doubt we will. With my brains and your lack of attracting killers.". Only if he knew.

You flopped on his bed laying on your back. He laid on his side facing you, "But, what if.. it is Stu or Billy.. wouldn't they want to kill us?". Randys face contorted, "Then we'll be prepared.".

He moved some loose hairs out of your face. You just observed him, thinking about what Billy said to you.

"I'm ready.." you whispered. His eyes went wide, "For...". You nodded cupping his cheek, "for sex..". He bit his bottom lip contemplating.

"we can't.." he whispered.

"Is there a reason?"

"Killer on the loose you know the rules!"

You rolled your eyes playfully pushing him. You sighed crawling towards his pillows laying down.

"As much as I would love to my lady." He spoke in a horrible British accent. You glanced over at him, "Gotta stay alive.". He laid down beside you, you curled into him.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're acting weird. Weirder than usual.". You smiled up at him, "I just love you.". He went silent, which was rare for him. He never heard the L word come out your mouth. You just stared at him, "it's not a big deal, Ran-"

"SHE LOVES ME!" He put his hand over his heart.

"Shut up! We're gonna get in trouble!" You playfully smacked his arm. He smiled kissing you, his lips were softer than Billy's. His kisses felt like they were full of emotion, unlike Billy's. You smiled, "Can I stay here for the night?".

"Thought you'd never ask! I'll put in the Exorcist!" He got up to look through his pile of movies. You sat up, you needed him to understand that he could die. You needed to explain to him how you're not a killer. He sat back down beside you wrapping his arms around you pulling you closer.

The next day Billy was gone, Stu pulled you aside.

"What, Nimrod?" You glared at him.

"Sydney accused Billy."

"Not accusing if shes right-" you mumbled. Stu huffed like an annoyed child, "Imma kill Principal Himbry all these interviews are getting up my ass.". You stared at Stu in disgust, "I'm not helping. I want nothing to do with any of this!". Stu whined, "Fine. But Billy's gonna here about this!".

"Go tattle tell to your boyfriend. I don't care." You walked away to the fountain, to meet Randy due to the school ending. You saw Sydney and Tatum waiting there whispering. You walked over, "Hey." Sydney gave you a sad smile.

"Did you hear? Billy went bananas!" Tatum whispered. Sydney sighed, you looked at Sydney, "I'm sorry you're going through all this..". Sydney shrugged, "What about you? Any phone calls?".

"Nope, I've been with Randy and my Aunt all week. So even if there was a call no answer." Sydney nodded.

"You should spend the night at my place! Cause No way Randy can protect you!" Tatum giggled.

"Hey!" Randy protested finally showing up. You smiled, "Sure I'd like that!". You looked at Randy, "Can you take me to my place first to get clothes?".

"I have work."

"Didn't that fire you?"

"Twice" Randy smiled.

"Small town. Not enough small Brian workers I guess." Tatum stated. You smiled kissing Randy's cheek, "See you tomorrow.".

"See you tomorrow. Call me when you get the chance."

Tatum cringed from the display, "You two are so weird.".

"I think they're cute." Sydney said in your defense. You smiled, "Come on, let's leave before anyone weird finds you" you said to Sydney.

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP5/8 O Clock At The Oasis

Ah, I'm only two episodes away from the Dance Marathon. I am PUMPED! I hope Shane is living out her bucket list (or should I say Fucket List) because the clock is ticking for her. Original Air Date: October 22nd, 2002. The episode opens with a pretty unfunny comedic exchange between Lorelai and Rory as they head to Luke's. They arrive to find the diner unusually crowded.

An Iconic line. Welcome back, Tomatos Sign. Sun Shine. Coffee's Fine. (A Gilmore Girls Haiku)

Maybe Lorelai should have thrown some condoms at these people too. Condoms for The Hollow is my new initiave. Luke is complaining that the parent group comes in every weekend and takes up space for hours and make a mess out of his business only to order two iced teas; he is telling this to Lorelai and Rory, who take up space for hours, eat him out of house and home and never pay for their food.

Says Luke Danes about a woman breastfeeding meanwhile he doesn't try to stop this:

Another banger of a one liner.

Later, Emily calls Lorelai at work and invites her to a furniture auction. The conversation is suspiciously pleasant and Lorelai hardly even puts up a fight. She later attends the auction with Michel and has a nice time and meets Jon Hamm. But Emily Gilmore always has some kind of motive. Stay vigilant, Lorelai. Michel overhears the conversation and begs Lorelai to take him with her and she agrees. For a price.

I looked up a phone number for you, Michel.

Next scene, Lorelai meets a quirky, vertically challenged, talkative new neighbor who asks Lorelai to water his lawn while he's away and although her agreeance is once again reluctant, there is very little quibbling. Who is this doormat who is saying yes to everything without a fight (so basically, Rory), and what have you done with our Lorelai?

No, I will not. I will continue to post Crap Commentaries to Tumblr. Com until Tumblr finally, mercifully ends up in the dustbin of internet history. Or until I finish Season 3 (maybe 4). Whichever comes first. My 73 year old mom loves loves loves loves loves LOVES Jon Hamm. She definitely loves Jon Hamm more than I love Milo. So of course I've shared this episode with her a few times.

My mom gives Jon Hamm the same googly eyes whenever he's on TV. Here's some Random-Hamm Shots I sent to my mom this morning.

Jon Hamm is a babe. Let's all give it up for my mom. She has good taste. The urge to call him "Baby Jon Hamm" when he was actually 31 years old here is strong. I mean, I still call 30 year old Milo Baby Milo. He didn't shed Baby until at he was at least 35. It's a badge of honor. These fine men age like wine. Lorelai doesn't get BabyHamm's name at the auction, so now she's on a quest to figure it out, which unfortunately for her means she'll have to put the squeeze on Emily to try and get it. Whoops. My bad. She actually asks Rory to do it for her (then gets mildly irritated when Rory actually does it). Just a quick run down of all the manipulative micro transactions going on in just the first 17 minutes of this episode: Luke ---> Lorelai: Tell that woman to stop breastfeeding in my diner Lorelai ---- > Michel: You can come to the auction if you work every weekend Lorelai ----> Rory: You have to ask Grandma to get me BabyHamm's number Dwight (new neighbor) ----> Lorelai: I know you just met me but I need you to water my lawn for the next week Dwight ----> Lorelai: While you're here watering my lawn you can water my indoor plants too Then there's the whole sprinkler business... which we'll get to in time. Lorelai swallows her pride at the next FND and inquires about Paddle #17 and we find out BabyHamm's name is Peyton Sanders. Isn't he a football player? (Peyton Manning. Bad Joke.). Emily agrees to obtain his phone number for Lorelai without anything more than some light teasing . Highly suspicious.

Dwight's house is pretty rad.

Okay okay I LOVE this kind of thing. The thing being: listing all of the board games whose names I can make out. Les go. We'll finish out the post here. Some of the games, I'd assume for copyright reasons have their names cropped short or changed. Hungry Hungry Hippos became Hungry Hungry Nippos.

Candyland (two copies). Chess (three copies). Chinese Checkers. Hungry Hungry Nippos. Yahtzee (two copies). Ouija Board. Scattegories. Sorry. Chutes and Ladders. Easy Money. Clue. Hangman. Pyramid (two copies). Risk. Aggravation. Horse Around. Mastermind. Scrabble. Go For It. Times to Remember. Charades for Dummies. Monopoly. And FIVE copies of Operation.

I’m such a slut for small details, ya’ll 🤤

[tracybirds]

I know I said this yesterday but it's beginning to feel like Christmas for real with my Sydney family having arrived! I was SO happy to see them last night and we're hanging out all day today and I haven't seen them since before covid so this is the most special thing!! Thank you to @gumnut-logic for reading through the first part of it, although I must admit to running wild this morning with the last part so any weirdness there you can blame squarely on me haha <3

[Day 1] | [Day 2] | [Day 3 - you are here]

Five Days Where Christmas Didn't Seem To Go As Planned

Day Three

Gordon shoved Alan’s shoulder roughly as he walked past, causing Alan to yelp as he overbalanced, nearly falling out of the chair.

“Gordon, play nicely,” said Virgil, frowning.

Typically, Gordon ignored him, tapping his brother’s cheek.

Alan groaned. It had been a long night, called out in the early evening only to return home as the sun peeked over the horizon once more.

“It’s comfy here,” he muttered, turning to nestle his cheek into the curved edge of the chair.

“Yeah, sure bud,” said Gordon, rolling his eyes. “Come on, let’s go Al, those showers have our names on ‘em.”

Virgil yawned.

“I can carry you if you like,” he offered, perfectly earnest.

Alan’s eyes flew open. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” he grumbled. “Kayo laughed at me for a week the last time, don’t you dare pick me up.”

He dragged himself across the cockpit, staring blankly into thin air in a daze. Preoccupied with the thought of a hot shower and a morning nap with the sea breeze flowing through with windows, he hardly noticed the figure waiting for them impatiently as the hydraulic lift lowered them into the hangar.

“Scott?” asked Virgil, and Alan snapped back to attention. He’d expected Scott to vanish long before Two made it back to Tracy Island, with no issues that arose during the mission and debrief scheduled for later that day.

Freshly focused, Alan could tell that something wasn’t right, enough that Scott had waited for them and was now speaking urgently to them all. Alan blinked, trying to shape the sounds into words, and it was only when he yawned widely and his ear popped that things fell into place.

“I just needed to head you off before you head upstairs,” said Scott, looking mildly disgusted. “I got out of the elevator and had to come straight back down, it was only luck that she didn’t spot me.”

“Well, we’re all experts in hiding from Grandma and her baking now,” said Gordon, grinning. “Hey Virg, let’s go crash in Brains’ rooms, he’s been wanting to marathon those old school scifi-horrors.” He wriggled his fingers at Virgil. “Oooh, I’m a space alien here to take over your mind. Go forth, do my laundry for a week.”

“He’ll uninvite you if you’re going to be annoying about it,” said Virgil, with a long-suffering sigh. “Thanks for the warning, Scott. We’ll stay low for a few hours.”

Alan, meanwhile, was thinking hard.

He swayed a little, fighting the temptation to close his eyes, searching every scrap of memory, because something about what Scott was describing sounded uncomfortably close to home.

“Grandma’s been baking?”

Scott and Virgil exchanged a glance.

“Keep up, Al,” said Gordon impatiently.

Only Alan had one piece of information that his brothers didn’t.

When the siren had gone off and they’d gathered in the living room, Alan had been baking cookies for Christmas. He’d meant for it to be a surprise.

And he’d turned the oven off, he was sure of it, even through a distorted haze of exhaustion, he could remember the temperature dial spinning under his fingers before he raced upstairs, but maybe it hadn’t gone all the way and even as they’d flown out, his cookies were slowly starting to brown, then blacken into a crisp.

He could have burnt the house down.

He sat down suddenly, right there on the floor.

“Alan!” cried three voices, and he batted them away.

“You’ve gone white as a sheet,” said Virgil, frowning as he crouched next to him. He reached out a hand, feeling for his forehead and Alan rolled his eyes.

“Get off me, I’m just tired,” he said, feeling slightly sick. He couldn’t let them find out, he needed to get out of here.

“Look, Grandma won’t ambush me like this, she’ll just want me in bed. Which is where I want to be too, so if you guys want to hide away instead, be my guest.”

He wasn’t even lying, and he rubbed at the grit forming in his eyes, allowing a yawn to take over his entire body.

“I’ll take you,” said Scott reluctantly, and Alan felt a twinge of irritation twitching below his eye.

“You don’t need to escort me,” he snapped, getting back to his feet. “I can manage it.”

He scowled at each of them, putting as much fierceness into the glare as he could.

For a second, he thought Scott and Virgil would continue to argue, but Gordon leapt in before they had the chance.

“You guys promised you’d treat him like an adult when he’s wearing the uniform,” he reminded them. “Are either of you going to start volunteering to be supervised in the shower and tucked in tight? I’ll do it, I don’t care.”

 Alan shot Gordon a grateful look.

“I’m going to bed then,” said Alan, and he spun on his heel and walked slowly and calmly towards the elevator door.

That is to say, he bolted.

When the doors next opened, Alan found Scott hadn’t been kidding about the smell, the smoke still evident despite the air being cleared.

He ran down the steps two at a time, holding his breath as he skidded into the kitchen.

Kayo looked up from the magazine she’d been reading and put it aside.

“So,” she said. “These are yours. I’m assuming they’re not chocolate.”

She swung around a plate of dark brown cookies, burnt black where the butter had melted onto the tray while baking.

Alan collapsed onto the barstool next to her.

“Is it bad?”

Kayo shrugged. “They’re just burnt. Nothing major.” She grinned, her eyes sharp and mischievous. “I saw Scott making his escape earlier. Did he come down to warn you all away?”

Alan could only nod miserably.

“Do you think it’s genetic?” he asked. “I just wanted to do something nice.”

“The only thing you did wrong was not pull the tray from the oven when you turned it off,” Kayo said cheerfully. She chose one of the cookies and neatly broke it in half. “See? They’re not burnt burnt, they’re just a tad overdone. I spotted them when Grandma was preheating the oven earlier and rescued them for you.”

Alan lifted his head, hope stirring in his chest. “So, the smoke?”

“Oh, that was all Grandma.” She bit into the end of the cookie and pulled a face. “These aren’t that great either, if I’m being honest.”

“Well, thanks,” said Alan, feeling stung. He yawned. “I suppose we should just chuck them then.”

“We can probably save them for something,” said Kayo. “Make them into ornaments or something.”

She jostled his shoulder. “What’s up though, Al? You didn’t come racing up here because of bad biscuits.”

“I kinda did,” said Alan. “I dunno, I thought maybe a fire had started. Like if something went wrong here, it’d be all my fault.” He yawned again. “I guess that seems silly.”

Kayo slung an arm around him, pulling him into a hug.

“We can handle your mistakes, Alan. Best part of being one of the youngest is everyone else has already made them and they’ll help you out. It’s not all on you.”

“Does that mean the others have all nearly burnt the house down?”

She grinned down at him. “Oh, the stories I could tell if I weren’t sworn to secrecy.”

Alan grinned back, a spark of mischief shaking off the bleariness momentarily. “I can keep a secret. Was it Virgil? John?”

“You’re getting nothing out of me,” said Kayo with a laugh. “Go to bed, Alan. We’ll fix these when you can sit in that chair without falling onto your face.”

He slipped down from the stool and stumbled, the sway of exhaustion rushing up to meet him once more.

“I might need a little help,” he admitted. “Promise you won’t tell Scott?”

Kayo mimed locking her lips and smiled at him, fond and warm.

“I promise.”

[gumnut-logic]

The problem was teenagehood.

The arguments were inevitable.

“Alan is not stupid, he just wants acceptance with his peer group.”

A wiry smile curled his Dad’s lips. “I remember that.” It slipped into a grin. “Do you still maintain all those piercings?”

“Daad!”

His father held up his hands. “Hey, I did warn you, but you were just as determined.”

Virgil glared at him over the rim of his coffee cup.

“The purple hair was particularly entertaining.”

“Oh god.”

His father snorted and laughed. “Don’t worry, son, we all look back and groan. Trust me.”

“Sure. I bet you were as sharp and as perfect as Scott.”

That earned him an arched eyebrow. “What gave you the idea that Scott was perfect?”

“Uh, the grade average and the air force uniform?”

Another snort.

“What?”

“Not my story to share.”

“Oh, c’mon, if you’ve got dirt on Scott...”

“Of course, I have, Virgil. I’m his father.” The grin was genuine. “It is my prerogative to know all the embarrassing things about my children.” But then the grin faltered.

Virgil reached out and grabbed the older man’s hand. “There is plenty more to come. I have no doubt that Alan will screw up multiple times between here and his twenty-first. Enough for a movie marathon, Dad. You’re here now, we value that more than you can know.”

A shaky exhale. “I’ve missed so much, Virgil.”

“We’re still here. We still love you. It wasn’t your fault.” He had said those words so many times in the last year. At his father’s bedside. In the dark of night after nightmares. He had done his best to reassure, to reinforce the man’s confidence.

The irony was that the father he knew before his stranding wouldn’t have taken so much notice of his son’s opinion. Their relationship and most definitely been father and son. Now the relationship had changed. Jeff Tracy wasn’t as strong as he used to be. He had been shaken, he doubted himself, thrown by what he had missed and didn’t know about his sons. Grandma was there for him, but it was with Virgil, not Scott, the man was willing to discuss some of his concerns.

Virgil was both grateful and worried about this state of affairs. He helped in any way he could. Caught between a sometimes frantic Scott and an injured father, it was a challenge. But if they needed him, he was there.

Of course, that was the very moment his comms went off.

“Hey, Virg, have you got a spare hydrospanner?”

Virgil rolled his eyes and thumbed his collar. “Gordon, where is yours?”

“Uh...”

“You know if you put them away when you’ve finished with them, you tend to be able to find them next time you want them.”

“Augh, yes, Mom.”

His father raised an eyebrow.

“You borrow mine, it goes back when you are finished.”

“I know the rules, Virg. Where have you stashed it. I’m in your workshop and I can’t find it.”

“Gordon-“

“I’m in a hurry, Virg. There’s coolant leaking all over the deck of module four.”

“What the hell, Gordon?”

“Kill me later, spanner now.”

Virgil shot an apologetic look at his father. “I’m coming down.”

“Virg-“ He killed the connection.

“I’ll be back in a moment, Dad.”

The eyebrow was still raised. “Take your time. Sounds like you’ll need it.”

Virgil glared at him and stalked his way down to the hangars.

-o-o-o-

[boosqoowoo]

beenzino - if i die tomorrow (english lyrics translation)

오늘 밤이 만약 내게 주어진 if this night were given to me

돛대와 같다면 what should i do with this? if it were like a mast, what should i do with this? *a mast is an old word for a pole or rod, commonly used when referring to a flag at half-mast, where it is lowered down the flagpole to show respect for someone who died **mast is also Korean slang for the last cigarette in the pack

mmmm maybe

지나온 나날들을 시원하게 훑겠지 i will skim through the days that passed cooly

스물 여섯 컷의 흑백 film a black and white film with twenty-six cuts *this album, 24:26, is his stories from during the time when was 24 to 26 years old

내 머릿속의 스케치 a sketch in my head

원하든 말든 메모리들이 memories whether i want it or not

비 오듯 쏟아지겠지 will pour down like rain

엄마의 피에 젖어 태어나고 내가 처음 배웠던 언어 i was born covered in my mother's blood and learned my first language

부터 낯선 나라 위에 떨어져 별 다른 노력 없이 배웠던 영어 and then, learnt English in a foreign country without much struggles *he moved to New Zealand at around 10 years old with his father, and then his parents divorced 3 years later, and his mother remarried

나의 아버지에 대한 혐오와 나의 새 아버지에 대한 나의 존경 hatred for my father and my respect for my stepfather

갑자기 떠오른 표현, life's like 오렌지색의 터널 the phrase that suddenly comes to mind, 'life's like an orange-colored tunnel*' *"my thoughts are that a tunnel is dark while you drive through it. one needs to keep driving to reach the light at the end of the tunnel. the process of life itself is represented by this tunnel. i used the color orange because tunnel lights are orange” - beenzino

if i die tomorrow if i die die die

고개를 45도 기울여 tilt my head 45 degrees* *to smoke

담배 연기와 함께 품은 기억력 memories covered with cigarette smoke

추억을 소리처럼 키우면 if i grow memories as if they were sound

눈을 감아도 보오이는 theater a theater i can see even with my eyes closed

시간은 유연하게 휘어져 time bends flexibly

과거로 스프링처럼 이어져 and continues like a spring towards the past

아주 작고 작았던 미니어쳐 a very small miniature

시절을 떠올리는 건 껌처럼 쉬워져 remembering those times becomes as easy as chewing gum

빨주노초 물감을 덜어, 하얀색 종이 위를 총처럼 겨눴던 pouring out red, orange, yellow, green paint and aiming like a gun at white paper

어린 화가의 경력은 뜬금없게도 힙합에 눈이 멀어 the career of a young painter is surprisingly blinded by hip-hop *Beenzino was studying art in university before he debut as a rapper

멈춰버렸지만 전혀 두렵지 않았어 although I stopped, I wasn't afraid

cuz i didn't give a fuck about 남의 시선 cuz i didn't give a fuck about other people's gazes

cuz life is like 나 홀로 걸어가는 터널 cuz life is like a tunnel where I walk alone

if i die tomorrow

내게도 마지막 호흡이 주어지겠지 i will also be given my last breath… right?

마라톤이 끝나면 끈이 끊어지듯이 like a marathon that ends when the finish line is crossed

당연시 여겼던 아침 아홉 시의 해와 the sun at 9 am that i took for granted as well as the

음악에 몰두하던 밤들로부터 fade out fade out from nights where i was immersed in music

말보로와 함께 탄, 내 20대의 생활 my life in my twenties, spent with Malboro* cigarettes *a popular brand of cigarette (also the brand Beenzino smokes)

내 생에 마지막 여자와의 애정의 행각 my final romantic encounter with the last lady of my life

책상 위에 놓인 1800원 짜리 펜과 the 1,800 won pen on my desk

내가 세상에 내놓은 내 노래��� 가진 색깔 the colors of my songs that i released to the world

까지 모두 다 다시는 못 볼 것 같아 i feel like i won't be able to see any of it again

삶이란 게 좀 지겹긴 해도 좋은 건가 봐 although life can be a bit tiring, i guess it's still good

엄마, don't worry bout me ma mom, don't worry about me ma

엄마 입장에서 아들의 죽음은 도둑 같겠지만 from a mother's perspective, her son's death must be like a robbery but *a thief steals what is precious to you, in this case the most precious being to his mom is him

i'll be always in your heart, 영원히 i'll always be in your heart, forever

i'll be always in your heart, 할머니 i'll always be in your heart, grandma

you don't have to miss me, 난 이 노래 안에 있으니까 you don't have to miss me because I am in this song

나의 목소리를 잊지마 don't forget my voice

if i die tomorrow

[bilbobagginshome]

A Deadbeat’s Journal 24

A Jotaro kujo x black reader fic!

Jotaro’s POV.

Leaving Samosa is almost equally as painful as leaving Y/n and I mean it because I’m her favourite. When Mom Faith invited me for dinner, I sensed that she knew something because as much as she cares about me, she cares more about her daughter’s well-being. And I was right.

“So, How’ve you been coping alone now that y/n is gone?” Mom Faith asks while cutting through her plate of lasagna.

“It's been sad, I can’t lie. I call her every day but I guess having a housemate as chaotic as she is bound to fill a hole when she’s gone.”I calmly reply though honestly, I keep reviewing my sentences like an editing app.

“I mean it should be, your girlfriend is gone.” Grandma Rhoda adds with a knowing chuckle. Well, at least we aren’t beating around the bush and honestly, It’s a hefty weight lifted off my chest.

“That was fast. Y/n did anticipate this but honestly, I still underestimated how quickly you’d find out.” I chuckle back. The less they think I’m phased, the better.

“I mean, walking around with matching rings is definitely a mark,” Grandma replies with a smirk whilst pointing at my koi. At this point, I’m avoiding heavy eye contact with Mom Faith who's staring me down with the most expressionless face I’ve seen. Do I look like that when other people are around me?

“So what are your intentions with y/n?”She questions. Isn’t that a tough one? Well definitely saying that I want to marry her within the year would turn her neutral face to a scowl in an instant. My intrusive thoughts want me to say a dirty joke but that will end with thrashing from them.

“I want to be with her for as long as she’ll let me,” I say while looking at her. She likes assertiveness, this would make her see that I’m serious.

She nods with a small smile. Jackpot. 

“I’d ask that we keep this conversation between us. I don’t want y/n think I’m prying too much into her business.” She requests. It seems fair, considering she’s been a bit of a peeping tom throughout y/n’s life. Plus I’m grateful she did not request more information.

“Though I am very happy she ended up with you. She needs someone to keep her happy and you may be what she was missing.” She ends with a wider smile, her tone now much more softer despite its seeming monotony. What a surprise, it seems my charms have even been able to win her over and I simply nod in response. After serving French vanilla and a wonderfully made salted caramel cake made by Grandma, we head to the backyard and talk.

I was genuinely enjoying my time listening to Granny’s to the point that I never realised how late it was. And when they insisted on me staying, I decided that my cold, loveless home would be better than their warm, jovial household. Besides, I need to put some things in order like turning the house into either an Airbnb or simply placing a caretaker.

* * *

The house is very lonely. Even as I gave the real estate agent, courtesy of Mom Faith, the house keys, he could tell that I didn’t want to be there anymore. I see the couch and remember countless Netflix marathons. The kitchen shared multiple times we’d cook beside one another. Colourful ceramic pots, throw blankets, and artwork littered around the area after she saw the apartment for the first time and described it as ‘the place where all life dies’ seemed even less saturated. It would be best if I let a travel agent handle the AirBnB business.

The yacht is decently sized. At first, I thought buying such a large yacht was useless but after staying in it for a few days, I realise now that the seller wasn’t trying to get a cash grab. The kitchen faced the ocean, but to be fair almost all parts of the yacht now face the ocean and come fully equipped with an oven, cooker, and microwave plus a booth on the wall on the side that could comfortably have a sleeping Y/n. The bedroom too has a wide window that sees the ocean and the bed that comes alongside it can comfortably sleep, me, y/n, and Samosa. Though the room is a tight fit and only has a 24-inch smart TV, It's better as you have access to a shower and toilet.

I always find myself reading some of her books. She gave me the hobbit and said that I’ll heavily relate to Bilbo Baggins and no one outside my mom has made an accurate prediction of how I enjoy my hobbit lifestyle. I mean I bought a yacht because I couldn’t stand the thought of going around the coasts with a backpack and a dream. Like, imagine how tiring that would be. Gandalf should have just let Bilbo stay home.

Occasionally I’d check my bearings, ensure I’m not going astray and sometimes when I’m really bored I stop to fish. It's been three days and when I see the inklings of Zanzibar I almost jumped for joy like a stranded cruiser. They say the first three days are tough on your own but this was intense. I almost thought I got my bearings wrong and kept checking my compass. The signal out here is horrible at times and can’t use google maps for that . Besides, who uses google maps in the middle of the ocean. I quickly park my yacht where all the others are and take my backpack. 

The host left the keys in the flower pot besides the gate, which was appreciated and thus I began surveying the one bedroomed household. Its cute, with furniture that doesn’t stary from cream and brown with a large bookshelf that I’m slightly envious of. By tomorrow I should have recouped and headed to the research group based nearby.

Third person Narration.

When Jotaro arrived at the research centre , which was bigger and definitely busier given the space, he slightly clammed up as he got off the Tuktuk. The building was beautifully designed with glass floor to ceiling walls despite being only a single story and the top was crafted to replicate the blue tides of the oceanside nearby. Definitely a far cry from the wooden box back home .

After clearing his throat , he approached the receptionist inside and after stating his business, was given a visitors pass and redirected to an acquaintance he began conversing through in email while back home. After politely greeting a few people who cared to acknowledge his presence, he knocked at Dr, AbdulSwahib’s door.

“Oh welcome, here I have a seat , would you like some tea or perhaps coffee?” AbdulSwahib greeted with a smile and a warm handshake to which he gladly accepted a cup of tea.

AbdulSwahib or as he would simply like to be referred as Swahib is a short man with greying hair and a prominent  bald spot that reflects the well lit room like a polished silver saucer. He keeps his beard well trimmed and always dons a buttoned white  lab coat  and trousers with black loafers which complement his light brown skin. His round face shows little of his ageing body aside from crow marks at the sides of his eyes and the thick, silver framed glasses.

After sipping a nice masala tea with cookies which Swahib insisted he should try courtesy of his wife , they got to business.

“I read your research on the natural cleansing methods of the ocean and their various misconceptions that arose from that and I ‘d like to say your solution is one of the most practical, cost effective measures on preventing the increasing issues of climate change and pollution of the ocean.” He began with a congratulatory note. Jotaro returns with a small smile in appreciation and slight embarrassment over his work for the past 2 years.

“I appreciate that , however I’m more interested to hear your dispute over my first thesis of the starfish, you said you had come across groundbreaking discoveries that may affect the dating of my work.” He responds. A while back , the biologists at Zanzibar claimed that the discovery of a seemingly extinct starfish had been found and thus after research, they questioned whether the new information provided with Jotaro’s ideas of  starfish evolution can be disputed . Mind you , this won him his first award on marine research at a time he was still considered a rookie.

“Well , yes , see , I think that it's best for you to see this for yourself. We have captured only one but the rest of the colony is reachable, though further .” He says as he stands up. Jotaro finishes his tea and rises alongside him and while getting to the aquarium within the end of the hall, Jotaro simply earns curious glances while Swahib is warmly greeted . When they arrive , they see a group of white coat individuals, most likely students given their hold on their notepads and pens as they all try to get a look at the starfish that has hidden within one of the makeshift caves of the large semi circular aquarium. Jotaro , however, is stunned by the variety of fish and other sea creatures and plants and due to the aquarium’s size and dim lighting, the cream walls seem to reflect the blue waters of the aquarium .

“I should at least acknowledge how stunning the display is.” He compliments.

“Thank you, though it seems a bit vain to keep  them here, we try as much as possible to keep them from experiencing little. That’s why we only have very little fish.” He says before kindly requesting the students for some space to see the starfish .

Jotaro is led to see a simply ugly creature to say the least. It most certainly seems like an ancient species , with a dirt grey colour but larger than anything he’s ever seen . Its stubs look like tiny wounds poking around its body and despite the ame, this starfish has an irregular star shape that looks more like a splutter of dirt on a clean surface, Yet , Jotaro was fascinated, asking radio fire questions of its origin , feeding habits , its breathing method and what not . After a full lecture of what they have found of the starfish which leads to an almost hour-long lecture where Jotaro and students write down almost every detail the short man shared, they are advised by the cleaning crew to leave the aquarium for its daily cleaning. 

“That was a wonderful talk despite how impromptu it was.” Jotaro says in a fascinated tone after Swahib disperses the group of aspiring marine biologists to their mentor.

“Well, this old man should be good for something now that I’m almost retiring .” He politely responds . As Swahib shows him around the rest of the building , Joatro seems more at ease , chuckling whenever he makes a pun and attentively listening to Swahib’s theories on the nature of the elusive starfish. Soon, he is led to the canteen , where lunch is currently taking place. They are served mashed potatoes, a kale-spinach fried dish and steak lathered with gravy sauce. The lunch lady cuts him a larger  portion because ‘He seems to have the appetite of two grown men’ and they sit next to Swahib’s much younger colleagues, similar to age with Jotaro,

“This is Jotaro Kujo,  a humble young man who has come to see the grey baby.” He introduces Jotaro as they sit down .

“Oh, Pleasure.” One of the only two women seated at the table of seven says before biting into her mashed potatoes and gravy.

The others simply respond the same with a smile and Jotaro returns the pleasantries.

“So , Jotaro, I read that you are receiving another award for your recent research.”One of the male colleagues, Hassan, inquires.

“Really ? I know nothing of the sort.” He responds calmly , while cutting his steak up to smaller portions.

“Haven’t you received an email for the upcoming marine appreciation gala held next year?” Suleiman curiously asks.

“I am yet to check my email, I haven’t been really accessible for a while.” He responds ,while he enjoys eating the food before him.

“He’s circumnavigating Africa on his own , on a personal research tour. How dedicated.” Swahib interjets with a tone Jotaro could only detect as proud.

He is greeted with praise and admiration for his job and after finishing their lunch , he explains to them his goal and ambitions once he reaches the final destination. This thus sprouts of further discussions on him writing an introductory textbook for aspiring marine biologists or  just enthusiasts of the subject . Afterwards , they excuse themselves back to their duties, promising to cheer him on when he receives his new award. 

Swahib leads him back to the entrance of the building and says 

“I’ve never met a biologist willing to navigate his faults on a  subject he  perceived as an expert in.”

“I enjoy learning , and I feel like this career is filled with daily new revelations that break our current ideas . I find  that even more exciting.” He replies while rubbing the back of his head.

“It's comforting knowing that the next generation has such an open minded perspective in being wrong. I’m glad I met you before I retired.” Swahib calmly says with a smile.

“I’m also glad I met you. I read an article of yours way back when in a barbershop and it influenced me on becoming a marine biologist. I could feel your enthusiasm for orcas through simple texts and felt that marine biology may be a worthwhile pursuit.” Jotaro admitted in a nostalgic tone.

“Well I’m glad you liked it . I remember very little of what I wrote but remember how my colleagues teased that it seemed like a love letter to those majestic beasts.” Swahib says with a wide smile that shows off his father’s smile.

Swahib lightly hugs Jotaro in appreciation for ‘Seeing a washed up old man’ and calls a tuktuk for him,

By the time Jotaro reaches home, he is called by his mom 

“How is your first destination going?”She questions after usual telephone pleasantries

“Surprisingly enjoyable, I might have even found a new research project to write about.” He says while lying on the reclining couch.

“That was fast , Hold on, your dad wants to talk to you .” She responds while handing the phone to Sadao

“Good evening Jotaro, I hope you had a pleasant day.” He lowly says with his usual blase tone.

“Good evening dad, It seems you are home more often.” He calmly replies.

“I’m growing older , can’t do the same thing you youthful ones are constantly doing ,” He responds.

“So what’s up,” He asks while drinking a cup of water.

“I heard you got with the l/n girl . I wanted to say congratulations for that .”

“Does everyone already know we are dating? No wonder y/n seemed reserved on telling anyone.” He mutters in slight annoyance.

“Well, you told Rhoda , who told Joestar, who told Holly , who excitedly told  me.” He replays the stream of gossip with a slight chuckle.

“Though she does seem like a handful so you better tie the knot soon. I remember her being a bit flighty when younger.” He adds

“Dad, she’s not a possession.” He says in a warning tone.

“Of course , I didn’t mean it like that . I ‘m just happy you found someone after years of solitude and hope you don’t lose her through a long distance relationship.” He responds lightly despite the slight tension.

“I won’t.” He reassures.

“So how’s work?” Sadao changes topic.

And after a thirty minute talk discussing the day alongside his dad and mom, he cuts the call and heads for a well reserved shower and makes a small salad to eat with his ordered smoked salmon. After the energy boost , he goes over his notes and begins formulating a new research project based on the starfish who has been affectionately named Kanzu for its shape.

Then he calls y/n when comfortably on his bed which is way softer than the one in the yacht and calls y/n.

* * *

Y/n spends the first of her free time outside work attempting to create a schedule. Her mom’s counsel “Aingiaye mwituni, atarejea na kuni.” (The person who goes to the forest will come back with firewood.) echoes loudly at the back of her mind and she spends the entire time cooking , cleaning and basically making herself busy. When Patience and Abdul get back they find a freshly cooked meal, the aroma of the simmering dish still floating around the house and a bored to death Y/n watching tv once again.

“You’ve got to get out of your boring ass funk. You’re in a whole new country and rather than explore the culture you sit around watching Portuguese dubbed content rather than going out there , conversing with actual Brazillians and internalising their culture.” Patience muses as they finishes up their broth, their sides of the mouth oily from drinking it straight from the bowl.Ahmed simply looks down at their friends table mannerisms before adding to the thought with a smile

“Yep, so that’s why you should go for an in-class Portuguese lesson.” 

“No and be surrounded by white people who only know ‘oi’ and say how much they love Brazilian culture.” She responds, nose scrunched simply at the thought.

“Pot calling kettle black. Don’t knock them out because they go a step further and admit their failings and learn when all you’ve done since quitting is attempt at conversing google translated portuguese.”Patience muses with a smirk as they rise to help Abdul wash the dishes.Abdul simply laughs at the call out and Y/n , slightly embarrassed stays silent

* * *

“Good morning class. My name is Ramirez and I will be teaching you the intermediate course of the CELPE-Bras Intermediate course certification. Since this is an immersive course throughout class I do not expect anyone to speak english throughout the lesson. Failure to do so would be a strike. Consider it like football, and if you get to the red cut, consider yourself expelled and your deposit non refundable.Now let's get to it.” He said with a blinding white smile. 

Y/n , though dating, is well aware that her teacher is attractive with his golden brown eyes that sparkle when the sun bounces off their reflection just right, 6 '0 foot with an eye for more delicate wear like his current wear, a  linen shirt and khaki shorts. Tanned, light skinned with diamond studded earrings and with a buzzcut that if you know, you know. Overall, Y/n’s type down to his Nike Jordans and when he catches her , smiles at her and all she thinks is “I need a wallet sized photo of Jotaro within my vicinity”

The first class goes on well, she almost stumbles a bit and yet he’s the most attentive teacher, guiding her calmly when she’s unable to articulate her questions well and seems to enjoy her more introspective questions, After the three hour session, she is entirely content and despite her worksheet assignment and the presentation due date on Friday , she’s happy with the lesson.

One of her classmates a blue eyed American with blonde curls that make her look like a barbie doll says,

“Isn't he dreamy? Dear lord when I saw him walk in, I almost fainted. Completely forgot I had a man till the end of the lesson.”She says in a very classic Southern accent.

“He sure is handsome.” Y/n responds with a slight smile as they walk out of the building. 

“Handsome? he’s the kind of guy that is straight from a wattpad fanfic.” She sighs out.

“I don’t think your man would like to hear that from you.” Y/n responds with a chuckle.

“He’s bi, he’d ask for a photo of Mcdreamy instead.”She responds with a smile . Y/n laughs at that and as they converse in the parking lot about small details in her life , they spot their stunning professor walking out of the building,briefcase in one hand to his Aston Martin.

Britney wolf-whistles in acknowledgement and as he looks back , notices them and heads to their direction.

“Good afternoon ladies. I hope you enjoyed today’s lesson.”He says with a smile.

“Was a lot more bearable with you as a teacher.” Britney says flirtatiously and he simply gives a close smile and turns to Y/n.

“What about you Mrs Y/n , did you enjoy it?”

“Yes I did . I appreciate your attentiveness to me despite my many questions. And it’s Miss not Mrs.”She says with a small smile.

“Oh , I noticed  the ring and just assumed . I’m sorry for misinterpreting.” He says with a bigger smile.

“No, it's fine.”

“Would you, you both I mean, like a lift?He questions while looking straight at Y/n.

“I’ll be dropping this pretty little minx home.” Britney responds with a smirk.

“Anyway , see you ladies tomorrow. And Mrs Britney. Tone down the flirting in the middle of class.” Ramirez warns light-heartedly.

“Will consider!” She cheerfully shouts back as he walks into his car.

Once the swoosh of his car leaves the sparsely parked lot ,she turns to Y/n and says with a knowing smirk,

“I think wonder boy has a thing for you.”

“Girl please just take me home.”

A shorter chapter. This one I’m not really liking it but whatevs. 

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[ithinkabouttzu]

Hi ma’am 😁🧡 May I get a BoB or TP ship please? Here’s my description:

she/her, 5'5 so average height, kinda skinny, very pale and freckly, reddish brown hair, i have to wear glasses sometimes bc i have grandma vision :'), i have hazel eyes with long eyelashes so they look like doe eyes, but out of all my friends i'm the most baby-faced so i get carded a lot when i go drinking rip.

I'm an ENFP 7w8, and my love language is quality time followed by acts of service. Like, i just love to go on mini road trips with friends and having a super playlist to listen to while we go somewhere together. My mom says that my spirit animal is either a badger or a raccoon lmaooo. and i'm a hufflepuff if that matters lol.

i would say that i'm a social butterfly who doesn't shy away from leadership positions. My roommate says i have Main Character Energy lol. i can also be generous, creative, brainy, thoughtful, energetic and witty, but with my own brand of integrity. on a bad day, i can be filled with self-doubt and overthinking and i tend to self-blame a lot. i struggle with ptsd because my dad is a recovering alcoholic and i had to deal with a lot of shit as a kid.

i love doing archery, making music, going to concerts, working with my hands, archaeology or psychology facts, i am really into photography lately and i love going to concerts and taking band pictures. i also love fashion!! especially punk fashion! i either want to work for a big fashion house one day, be an archaeologist, or work with veterans in counseling. idk lol there's too many options!

fun fact! i also volunteer with my cousin at camp toccoa in georgia on the weekends and i run their social media pages :) i also love to volunteer at the humane society with my friends and walk the dogs <3 i also have my own dog whom i adore <3

Yesss thank you sm for your request <3 That is also soooo cool that you volunteer there!! (i’m jelly jkjk) You sound so cool though and such an fun friend!! I hope you love it!!

Also reminder that requests are open for Kpop, BoB, and TP for anyone who wants one!!

I ship you with…

Bob Leckie!!

Ok so here me out now…

- But you and Bob would be so cute together and if feel like you guys would compliment eachother so well!

- When he first met you, he would find you absolutely adorable.

- When you tell him a little bit about yourself he would find you so interesting and would immediately want to learn more about you.

- and by the end of the night he would just straight out tell you he wanted to take you out and he REALLY liked you

- You guys are such a fun and social couple that everyone wants to be around!

- After the war, he realizes that not everyday is guaranteed, so he loves spending quality time with you and also values his time with you so much (for bob it’s really the little things that makes your guys’ relationship special.)

- You know how every couple has that “one song?” Well instead, you guys have one big playlist together.

- Which you guys love to sing to during long road trips

- and whenever y’all have freetime or time during the weekend you guys love to go on mini adventures together! (only if you bring your dog too!)

- He usually lets you pick out where you guys are going as long as he’s with you ( he’s just happy to be there LOLL)

- He honestly also admires your integrity and he loves when he sees you take initiative into WHATEVER it is. (it lowkey turns him on too.. )

- This man is one with words and when you are having one of your bad days he will be by your side 100% to talk and listen to you.

- He usually can tell when you start to overthink and he will offer for you guys to go out and try to get your mind off of it, or if you want to stay inside he will be there with a blanket and some popcorn for a movie marathon lol.

- You and him have both been through a lot of shit and that’s something that you guys both can relate to.

- He can definitely understand you when it comes to ptsd and some of the feelings that come along with it.

- And even tho both of your experiences are a bit different, he is always there with open arms for you. (And you to him too!)

- You guys have learned to lean on eachother during days like those, and long deep talks with eachother are always so important . (free therapy sessions are a necessity)

- He is also so blessed to be able to freely express his emotions and to have someone that understands him and his feelings.

- Concerts are definitely a must! And I could definitely see y’all being fun ppl to party with

- he also loves when you take pictures of him 🤭 (but he would never tell you that)

- He admires your open mind that is so full with ideas! He is so supportive in whatever you aspire to be and just wants to see you happy!!

- Overall he is so thankful to be with you and loves you so much!! He is definitely very ‘leckie’ (see what i did there 😏)

Hope you love it and thank you again for requesting!! 💞

[westernbitch]

Chapter 2!!! please give ideas down below!!!

I was woken by the smell of steak. "How did she take it dad?" "Wait, she put her tennis shoes on and she ran from you? She ran for miles and we do not know how well nourished she was prior to this. She could be dehydrated and sick." I opened my eyes to a group of people. John had his arm around my shoulder and I laid in his lap. I tried to get up. "No no no. Evelyn slows down honey. You're safe and you are home." I laughed. Home. Really. In a room with my new grandpa and a bunch of random people. "Hi Evelyn, I am Beth, your aunt. This is Rip, my husband. This is Kayce. We are your family." I looked at a man in the corner pacing. "Oh and that's Jamie, he isn't worth knowing. He is our family fuck up." Her eyes beamed when she talked. Jamie looked up and sighed in frustration. "Hi, I'm Evy."

I laid back on the couch. I was beyond tired. I felt like I had run a marathon. "Hi sweetheart." Beth walked towards me with a cup of something. "Drink this, it'll help. I would apologize, but he doesn't deserve that." I took a sip from the mug. My face crinkled. Ew. It was straight whiskey. "Beth. Stop giving her alcohol." John walked in and took the mug from me. He sat on the counter. I got up, ignoring the concerned states. I downed the whole mug. "Good girl," Beth smiled at me and then shrugged at her father. "Mr. Dutton, dinner is ready! Do you want me to save the girls in the fridge." That wasn't a female voice, so I am assuming no grandma here. "Evelyn, if you feel up to it, we would love to have you at the dinner table," John said with hope in his eyes.

The door swung open and shut quickly. "Carter! Hi baby, come sit! This is my niece Evelyn." Beth talked with excitement and introduced me like I had always been there. "Howdy, ma'am," Carter removed his hat and reached out to shake my hand. I shook his hand. "Wait, you're Evy Sharen." My eyes went wide as Carter said my name with familiarity. "You're the girl from Helena." I could feel my face heating up. How the fuck did this kid know me? I felt like I was going to pass out again. "Ya that is me."

A plate of mashed potatoes, corn, and steak was put in front of me. John passed me the roll basket. I grabbed one. I didn't realize I was this hungry. I scarfed down the food and drank all my water, ignoring all conversation. I haven't eaten like this in years. "Evelyn, would you like another steak," Beth looked at me with a smile. "It's okay, I don't want to take it from y'all. That was probably more money than I can pay you." Rip plastered a shit grin on his face and started to laugh. "Honey, you can eat another one." I looked at Rip to make sure he wasn't messing with me. "Evelyn, for christ sakes eat the damn food. I don't want your money. My family eats as they please. Gator! Bring another steak and more of the mashed potatoes please." Gator. That was the man with the food. I made a mental note to thank him later. A slab of meat and potatoes was slapped on my plate. He filled my cup with more water. I turned to thank Gator and he smiled. I ate another 8 oz of steak and ate all of the potatoes. I was scraping the plate. "Evelyn, Mrs. Traiten told me you liked chocolate chip cookies, so I had Gator make that and vanilla ice cream. Would you like some?" I fought back tears. I could only mumble a thank you. 

[starseedfxofficial]

Master Depth of Market & Bullish Pennant for Next-Level Forex Wins The Hidden Formula Behind Depth of Market and Bullish Pennant Mastery Picture this: you're at a bustling flea market, trying to haggle your way into buying that vintage lamp that you just know is the missing piece of your living room. The seller knows the exact price they want, you have a limit on how much you're willing to pay, and everyone around you is also negotiating for their own treasures. This chaotic give-and-take, my friend, is the depth of market in a nutshell. But hold on, we're not here for vintage lamps (unless, of course, they somehow boost our trading skills). We’re here to unlock the secrets behind Depth of Market (DOM) and that fancy-sounding chart pattern called the Bullish Pennant—two powerful tools that can be your ticket to catching that big move before everyone else is even awake. Think of it as spotting the last pizza slice at a party and reaching for it before anyone else realizes it's even there. In this piece, we're diving deep—way deeper than the average ‘Buy Low, Sell High’ cliché. We’ll unpack how Depth of Market gives you that juicy inside scoop on what’s really happening behind the scenes, and how a Bullish Pennant could be your cue for a "next big breakout". Ready to skip the obvious and level up? Seeing Beneath the Surface: The Depth of Market Deep Dive Depth of Market, often known as the DOM, is like reading the room in a poker game. It’s about knowing what each player—or in this case, each trader—has up their sleeve. It’s essentially a look at the orders waiting to be executed at various price levels. If you’re wondering why that matters, here’s the juicy bit: DOM is a crystal ball that helps you spot the hidden intentions of big players. It’s like catching a glimpse of a magician prepping the trick—suddenly, the impossible seems a lot more predictable. Now, this is where we get real. Most traders use DOM at a surface level—like, "Oh, look, there’s a lot of buy orders there, maybe it’ll bounce!" But a true depth reader? They’re playing a different game. It’s about finding where big institutional orders are resting. Picture them as big boulders in a river. The current—or market price—has to navigate these boulders, and knowing where they are allows you to anticipate which way the current might go. And if you’re worried that this sounds complicated, think of it like spotting the candy dish at your grandma’s house—it’s always within reach, but only if you know exactly where to look. The hidden advantage lies in observing how the big boys place and cancel their orders. And yes, we’re talking ninja-style observation—no flashy moves, just pure stealth. Spotting the Bullish Pennant Alright, so you've got your Depth of Market superpower engaged. Now let’s talk Bullish Pennant. This little beauty appears when the market's got a lot of upward momentum, but it’s just pausing for a breather—kind of like a marathoner grabbing a cup of water before charging ahead. It’s a consolidation pattern, formed after a strong move upwards, where traders are essentially regrouping before deciding to push further. The beauty of the Bullish Pennant is that it combines two powerful signals: consolidation and breakout potential. A lot of rookie traders panic during this phase—they see the market moving sideways and assume the show’s over. But here’s where the real magic happens. Smart traders know that once the consolidation ends, the pent-up energy can lead to a massive move—like a rocket that’s been stuck on the launchpad. How to Play It Like a Pro: Keep your eyes peeled for a narrowing range, followed by a volume spike as price breaks above the resistance. Remember, you want to be in before everyone else starts screaming, "Breakout!" The Underground Trend: How DOM and Pennants Team Up What if I told you that the Depth of Market and Bullish Pennants have a secret love story? Okay, maybe not quite as dramatic as Romeo and Juliet, but these two tools do work wonderfully together. Here’s how: while most traders only look at DOM to identify resistance and support, you can use it to see whether there's significant buying interest building up during the consolidation phase of a Bullish Pennant. If you notice a cluster of buy orders at certain levels while the Pennant is forming, it’s a strong indication that the market’s prepping for another leg up. It’s like seeing a bunch of people queuing up to grab concert tickets—you know something big is about to go down, and you’re already in line. Common Mistakes (And How to Laugh Them Off and Learn) Let's be real—trading mistakes happen. Like that time I went to buy EUR/USD and accidentally clicked GBP/USD. It was a classic sitcom moment where I watched the GBP plunge faster than my faith in online dating apps. But these mistakes are all part of the game, and every trader has a story or two. When it comes to Depth of Market and Bullish Pennants, the biggest mistake is thinking you can predict every move perfectly. Pro Tip: Don’t get tunnel vision. A DOM signal might be misleading if there’s a spoofing game at play—this is when a trader places large orders with no intention of executing them, just to create a false impression of supply or demand. Think of it like someone loudly proclaiming they’re about to buy the entire donut shelf at a bakery, only to walk away and leave everyone else in a frenzy. Stay nimble. Understand that DOM is best used for context, not for jumping into trades without a second thought. And Bullish Pennants? Don’t chase every single one like it’s the last bus of the night—wait for confirmations. Why Most Traders Miss Out (And How You Won’t) Here’s the truth: most traders ignore DOM and stick to what they think they know. They’re like someone who only reads the headlines and thinks they’re an expert on global politics. DOM is your opportunity to peek under the hood of market sentiment. Combine that with a Bullish Pennant setup, and you’re suddenly seeing beyond the headlines—you’re reading the fine print that others miss. To take advantage, you need patience. Let the pattern form, watch for DOM to confirm it, and be ready to act with conviction. The magic happens not when you’re rushing but when you’re quietly anticipating—ready to pounce like a cat on a laser pointer. Elite Tactics and Strategic Advantage - DOM for Confirmation: Always use Depth of Market as a secondary confirmation for your technical setups. A Bullish Pennant forming? Check DOM to see if there’s a buildup of buyers ready to push. - Patience with Pennants: The beauty of the Bullish Pennant is in the timing. It’s not just about seeing the shape; it’s about watching the market breathe, consolidating before that final upward sprint. - Avoiding Fakes: Use the DOM to watch for potential spoofing, so you don’t get caught in a trap. If orders seem to disappear just as quickly as they appear, chances are someone’s playing games. Concluding with the Punchline Depth of Market and Bullish Pennants aren’t just advanced concepts—they’re tools that, when wielded with precision, give you a massive edge over the guy just watching the news. The trick isn’t to just know about them, but to understand how to use them together to anticipate the market’s next move. Think of it like chess—you’re not just playing one piece at a time; you’re planning your strategy several moves ahead. And remember, trading doesn’t have to be stressful or overly serious. It can be a thrilling game of outsmarting the market, all while enjoying the ride—with plenty of laughs at the mistakes you’ll inevitably make along the way. After all, what’s a good story without a few twists and turns? Get Even More Out of Your Trading Journey If you found these insights helpful, why not take your trading to the next level? Here are some exclusive resources that can help you stay ahead: - Latest Economic Indicators and Forex News: Stay informed on market movements and groundbreaking concepts with real-time updates. - Forex Education: Expand your knowledge with in-depth resources, advanced methodologies, and little-known strategies. - StarseedFX Community Membership: Join for expert analysis, daily alerts, live trading insights, insider tips, and elite tactics. - Free Trading Plan: Set goals, manage risks, and track progress with our detailed trading plan. - Free Trading Journal: Enhance performance and refine strategies with real metrics using advanced methods for progress tracking. - Smart Trading Tool: Optimize your trading with automated lot size calculations, insights, and order management. —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated   Read the full article

[castlebyersafterdark]

i would love a weekly release too, if any show could pull it off and appeal to nostalgia both in release format as well as content it would be ST! enough people would enjoy weekly release throwback (even due to time to actually watch for people with lives lmao families work and commitments etc) that it would counteract people who complain about having to extend their netflix billing period.

also about to sound like a grandma: i can't binge because i get too physically uncomfortable sitting/laying in one position too long, and my eyes start to ache? my attention span is fine if my attention is captured, and it def will be by stranger things. so thats no issue. but literally how do people not get bed sores binging telly lmao? i need fresh air and to move my limbs 😂 i can maybe do 2-3 eps depending on length. ST, though? emotionally, one ep at a time is enough for me 😂

p.s. have you seen breaking bad?

I think I'll be conflicted on how I think the show should be released until we have no choice but to deal with whatever they announce haha. Part of me is feral and impatient to know everything at once, and the other part thinks of how fun the fandom could be with drawing out the theorizing. Could be incredibly insufferable too! If they go that route I am very much going to choose to stay on very curated corners as to not witness the chaos hahahaha

Oh, I definitely admit I can spend an entire day vegging out in front of the TV or on the computer. Sometimes I crave a lazy day. But I'm probably not paying attention to 10 episodes in a row of something. Why I'm more likely to marathon a bunch of movies instead of a whole season of a show. Attention span. Like to process things a little and I actually retain more if I spread out a show.

I think... my attention would be absolutely be captured if ST was a full season drop and I'd binge and not feel the need to even glance at my phone the whole time - exception, not the rule though. In all my fandoms, I've never fixated on a TV show like I have here. It's different.

And I've never seen Breaking Bad! Not sure it's on my list at the moment, but maybe one day. I've heard it's really good but I'm not sure what hasn't captured my interest yet.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 3

Today was the day all our schedules collided. Naturally, Lily and Cadie, who had no afternoon classes, joined us for lunch at our campus. The cafeteria was bustling with students, fighting for better tables near the water dispensers.

We chose our usual table in a quieter corner closest to the bins, resembling little mice chewing at food and chattering between laughter. Leon immediately started picking at his food, drumming his fingers on the table between bites.

“So, Allard family and plus ones. What's the plan for this weekend? Do we drive together?” he asked, looking around the table and putting an end to the peaceful mood.

“I have no idea,” I replied, stirring my soup absentmindedly. The familiarity of our arrangement was comforting, but it was hard to stay present. 

In the back of my mind lived the ongoing issue with Theodore and Lily. In the forefront, Grandma's urgent invitation weighed even more heavily. She had invited me before, but never with this sort of urgency.

That country house must hold her greatest gifts and horrors. It was unfair for everyone that I couldn't remember that day…

“It’ll be easier if we all go in one car,” said Lily, her eyes darting to Theo. She twirled a strand of her blonde hair nervously. “You will come with us, right?”

Theo nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Of course, Lil. Wherever it is, I am there for any of you.” He gave me a quick wink along with that.

Leon glanced at Cadie, who was quietly tapping her fork against the tray, her face set in a determined expression. “Cadie, will you come too?”

Cadie looked up sharply. “I will. Not for you, though.” She stood up abruptly, clearly not interested in engaging in a conversation with him.

“Well it seems we need to talk about this,” Leon said gently, though his eyes showed his frustration. “It’s important that we’re all on the same page.” He shot me a pre-planned look.

It was time to talk about this.

“Cadie. I understand you only want to help,” I said slowly, trying to keep my voice steady, “But is it not better to sometimes live in bliss or whatever that phrase says.”

“Besides, we don't know if that's what Grandma wants to tell us,” added Lily, looking between us, her blue eyes wide with concern.

Cadie sighed, shaking her head slightly as she addressed us. “Guys, let me do this. I may be new to all of this,” she said, gesturing with her tray, “but I want to earn a place here.”

Leon leaned forward, his expression softening. “Harriet’s decision on this is final. Besides, you already have one, that does not imply doing any of this.”

Cadie’s eyes flashed with defiance. “I’m not deciding for anyone. Do you guys not get it? You have gotten used to this sad standstill. ”

Theo interjected, his voice calm. “I get that you want to help. Really, I do understand the whole being an outsider thing.” He looked at her with camaraderie. “But happiness is for each their own.”

Cadie crossed her arms, her expression hardening. “And sitting around doing nothing isn’t going to solve anything. You all tiptoe around this like it’s going to magically fix itself.”

“It’s not about doing nothing,” I said, feeling the tension rise. “It’s a bigger issue… than me or my family. You can’t just force your way in.”

“Force?” Cadie scoffed. “I took a step back, investigated on my own, and what I found is no joke. I am aware that you don’t want to hear of it. But closure is not worth it?.”

Leon reached out to touch her arm gently. “Exactly it's a difficult topic, we are going in baby steps and you are running a marathon.”

Cadie looked between us, her frustration evident. 

“Fine. I understand. What about this,” I said, trying to calm the tension. “If you find from this trip something no police report had, then you have my full support.” 

“Deal,” she said, satisfied. “Thank you for trusting me. She gave me a clumsy hug with one arm, balancing her other objects with the other.

Leon sighed, watching her leave, then turned back to us. “I’ll talk to her. I know she means well, but sometimes it feels like she’s digging into things that should be left alone.”

“She is our friend and is trying her best,” I gulped dry. “The only thing I worry about is dragging something that is impossible to solve. So if this is going to end up being something… it will be for good.”

“I adore her like a piece of my heart.” Lily bit her lip. “So if this is what you want and Cadie says she is confident… I do not see an issue.”

“Are you serious?” said Leon in disbelief.

Theo nodded thoughtfully. “I understand where you are coming from, but Cadie has a point. Maybe she’s found something we haven’t considered. Remember. Harriet is the most important opinion on this subject.”

Leon frowned, still unconvinced. “But what if it just stirs up more trouble? I mean… The nightmares are no joke. They make you so tired.” He pleaded with his twinkling eyes.

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of their concern. “I appreciate how much you all care. Really. But maybe this time, we need to take a risk. If Cadie’s findings lead nowhere, we can close that chapter. If they help, then it’s worth the effort.” 

Leon sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. “Fine. I’ll go along with it. Tell us if it makes you uncomfortable at any stage.”

“I won’t,” I assured him. “Either way we handle it together.”

“There will be serious damage to night terrors that make you cry. I will find a way to beat them up!” Lily laughed, extending her arms so I could hold her hands.

Cadie returned briefly to grab her things, shooting a final glance at Leon before heading out, her expression a mix of frustration and determination. She shook her head slightly, muttering under her breath as she walked away.

[anitosoul]

tripreport.045_griefutures

February 5, 2024

My lola (grandma) died on January 1st, 2024. On New Years Eve, I was already having a strange time, and a text from my mom that said that my lola went to the hospital sent me spiraling. The next day, I felt like something was off, and after pretty much lounging in bed all day, my mom called me and told me that she passed away around 5pm New York time. 

Since then, I’ve been processing a deeply complicated grief layered with family trauma and confusing emotions, grief for what could have been, grief for what should have been, grief for what wasn’t, grief for other peoples’ grief, grief for unjust systems, grief for the world. Grief for reality. This has been one of the longest months of my life.

What were the five stages of grief again? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I’ve felt all of these to varying degrees over the past month (and I’m writing this a month late, so for the past two months). Denial definitely hit first. I had a DJ gig lined up for that Friday at Red Pavilion which was poised to be one of the bigger crowds I’ve played to, and I threw myself into the preparation for that. It was to be a Lunar New Year celebration signifying the end of the Year of the Rabbit and ringing in the Year of the Dragon. I wanted so desperately to celebrate that potential prosperity, I was so excited about the event, pushing away the thoughts of my lola. How she probably didn’t even know I was a DJ, how she never seemed to care about me at all, how she never even seemed to love me, and now she truly never would. The maximalist, brutal Asian club sounds masked my pain. I even watched Millennium Mambo for inspiration, but the film’s undertones of malaise amidst a youthful party existence mirrored the feelings in my own life. 

I tried other ways of hiding, maintaining a sense of normalcy. I finally started trying to actively date again, which wasn’t very fruitful, probably something to do with the circumstances of me using it as a way to forget about my Lola’s death. I got my hair cut after nearly 2 years, harkening back to a pre-pandemic version of myself. Anything to feel normal. Anything to feel like this wasn’t my new reality, one where my lola and thousands of Palestinians were dead. I went to work, I went to shows, I went to the club, I went to birthday parties, I went to friends’ apartments, I DJ’d, I worked on my own music. Anything to feel normal. I started exercising again, I signed up for a half marathon. I was basically sober all month. Anything to feel normal.

Nothing felt normal.

The solace I found was in the future. It was in afrofuturism. I watched the Last Angel of History and it rewired my brain. I read The Parable of the Sower and it rewired my heart. I watched Robocop, I watched Ghost in the Shell. I listened to Carl Craig, Model 500, Drexciya, K-HAND, Jeff Mills, the Belleville Three, Urban Tribe, Sun Ra, Pharaoh Sanders, Moodymann, Lee Perry, Goldie, LTJ Bukem, A Guy Called Gerald. Synchronously, Kevin Saunderson was playing Nowadays Nonstop the morning after I watched The Last Angel of History, and the Sun Ra Arkestra was playing at TV Eye later that month. Their expressions of the future were real, they were raw. They weren’t trying to be normal. In fact, they were showing just how alien all of this existence is. I read the works of the Cybernetic Culture Research Unit, Mark Fisher’s K-punk, Sadie Plant, Kodwo Eshun, Edward George. I was deeply inspired by the idea of the Data Thief, traveling through time to find the original black secret technology. I read about the alternate universe of the Drexciyans, a world untouched by colonialism, by capitalism, by religion, by whiteness. I read about the dystopian world promised in the Parables, in Earthseed. The realest it could get. 

All that you touch You change.

All that you Change Changes you.

The only lasting truth is Change.

God is Change.

This message carried me throughout my grief. Octavia was telling it like it is. Lauren Olamina was telling it like it is. They were fully aware of the harsh realities of this world and they knew where things were headed. Their bravery, their persistence, despite the horrors, inspired me. Their acceptance—that deep, radical, empathetic acceptance—comforted me so deeply. All of it poured back in to my creative output near the end of the month, where I dumped all of those five stages of grief into one 30-minute moment. I was destroying myself working on my live set, BATAS NG GUBAT (LAW OF THE JUNGLE), an expression of revolution and resistance through sound that started before my Lola’s death and ended after my Lola’s death. It encompassed my Lola’s death. She was born in 1947. She lived through the First Quarter Storm, the EDSA Revolution, the Nakba. I don’t know where she stood in regards to any of it and I don’t think I ever will. I channeled my anger into the project—why did she care more about her religion than she cared about me? Why did she marry a man who abused my mom, and then marry a white man who abused her until nearly the end of her days? Why did she transfer so much trauma to my mom, who then transferred it to me and my sister?

After performing the project, I felt a sense of catharsis. Through the preparation for the project, through all the research and theory and watching documentaries and learning, so much learning, I was somewhere in between bargaining and acceptance. In a way, I had been romanticizing my ancestors. They were a vague concept, a God to me. Now, my lola was one of them, one of the few who I actually knew on this earth. Wherever she is now, I hope that she can see now why I am the way I am, and I hope that she can accept me. After all I’ve immersed myself in through this process, I’ve been working through relinquishing the blame I’ve put on her. I see her now as someone who was trying their best given the circumstances, someone who was suffering under these brutal systems like all of us are. And I forgive her for that.

The tail end of my Lola’s life was spent traveling, staying with my mom after we basically extracted her from her abusive relationship, and eventually going back to the Philippines where she got to spend time with my extended family before she passed away. My mom said that in one of the last conversations she had with my lola, she said she wasn’t ready to come back to the US. I don’t think she ever would have been. I think she realized, like I’ve seen happen to my dad and my other lola, that the West wasn’t made for us. She was home. And I’m so deeply grateful that she had that agency at the end of her life, the privilege to choose to die in her homeland. Despite the pain, I love her, and I wish her love. I hope she’s feeling it looking down on me now.

Tracklist

Intro: The Sun Ra Arkestra - Seductive Fantasy

A-Side

DJ Stingray - Lead from the Shadows

Tzusing - Balkanize

Anti Shift - Intertwine

Art of Noise - Dreaming (Colour Green)

Luzon - The Baguio Track (The Full Igorot Vocal Mix)

YASSCORP - If You Ever Cared

Boa - Duvet (ScummV - Virtual Self Edit) [LLFA Tech Overlay]

Object Blue, TSVI - Turing Machine

DJ Love & DJ Ron - Atchup Atchup

Kenta204 - Blessed by an Angel

Actress & London Contemporary Orchestra - LAGEOS

Carl Craig - Red Lights

Moodymann - Desire

Skee Mask - Panorama

The Other People Place - Moonlight Rendezvous

Model 500 - Starlight (Moritz Mix)

Cindy Lee - What’s Tonight to Eternity

Grouper - Heavy Water / I’d Rather Be Sleeping

Fennesz & Ryuichi Sakamoto - Kokoro

Metá Metá - Obatalá

Intermission: Drexciya - Under Sea Disturbances

B-Side

Kenji Kawai - M02 Ghosthack

Non-Confined Space - A Pure Person

Baraka - I’ll Be There

Maara - Just Give Me Time

Artificial Red - The Oasis (ft. Voodoo)

Lee Gamble - Ghost

Splash - Babylon

Drexciya - Aqua Jujidsu

Mr. Fingers - Spy (Kode9 Remix)

Lola Lilac - Star Anise

Lynx and Omen - There’s Something (Omen Mix)

2 On a Tip - Rare Groove Jungle

Doctor Jay & DJ Rush Puppy - Respect

Anito Soul - MAKIBAKA

Rainy Miller & Space Afrika - 1-2-1

Dianna Lopez - yoho rodeo

Outro: Oh, Yoko - Seashore (Sprinkles’ Ambient Ballroom)