harrietsdreams

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 6

A beautiful mediaeval mirror caught my eye, in it I saw myself. It was a mirage of the unhealthy sleep patterns, of someone who could have been striking to see. The wall where it sits, embedded with strange repeating patterns made of some kind of metal, chipping to a greyish tone. The light poured in through the window, illuminating the white walls.

Back at the apartment, in the city, I rested at my real home even if only in a blip of my imagination. Mornings, authentically a battlefield, fighting over who got to shower first or who got the last pancake. Here, in this spacious room with its bathroom, I felt a sense of loneliness.

When I arrived in the living room, a scene was already unfolding. My parents, amid a pleasant conversation with an older couple. Claude, the boy from the garden last night, stood beside them, next to a bulkier, older version of himself.

They approached me slowly. Claude sported a playful smile, entirely different from the uncertainness from last night, while his brother appeared closed off due to the tightly crossed arms.

"Hello, we are the Olive family," the older one said, gesturing to his parents. "I'm Anthony Olive, and this is-" He pushed his brother closer to him.

"I'm Claude Olive and I can speak. You don't need to speak for me," Claude said with a grin, pretending to be mad at his brother, who shrugged and muttered "Whatever." Claude turned his attention to me and winked. "What's your name?" He offered his hand for a handshake.

The situation was peculiar, but I went along with it. "Nice to meet you guys. Call me-"

Before I could finish, Lily appeared beside us. "Harriet!" Lily squealed, linking her arm with mine. "Good morning! To you too, Claude but what are you doing here?" She glared his way, discomfort evident.

Claude's smile faltered for a moment, but he quickly regained his composure. "Just here with my family, catching up on things. It's good to see you again, Lily."

Anthony stepped forward with a polite but stiff nod. "We haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet. I'm Anthony, and this is my brother Claude. Our family helps manage the estate."

Lily looked uneasy but maintained a polite smile. "Nice to meet you, Anthony." Her gaze turned towards Claude. "But weren't you in the library?"

"Weren't you there too?" He raised his eyebrows "Anyways... Just checking in on my parents and catching up with old friends." Claude added, "And making new ones, it seems," with a smile directed at me.

Lily leaned closer to me, clearly uncomfortable. I took it as an opportunity "Lily, can we talk?" I asked, trying to pull her aside.

"Later, Harriet," she said, her eyes fixed on the door. "I need to ask him something." She pointed, flicking her finger in the fountain's guy's direction.

I noticed Theodore nearby, finishing apple slices my mother had given him. Unaware of any of this.

"Lily, please," I insisted. "We need to talk now."

"Alright. Then Claude." She called him. "And Harriet. We have some things to resolve." Said Lily with a bitterness I had not known until now.

Only when we found ourselves on the side of the building, she stopped. Letting out a sigh, "Claude. Did you say something to my sister?" She crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Well... She did ask about it." He gave her a half-smile, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze.

"So is it true?" I said, lowering my voice. "Were you seeing Claude while Theo was gone?" I turned to face her fully, my arms mimicking her posture.

"Wait, did you not believe me?" Claude looked at me, certainly feeling betrayed.

"It's just I believe my sister more than a random dude," I said deadpan, my eyes narrowing as I watched Lily's reaction.

Lily's face flushed, and she glanced nervously at Claude. "Harry. It's not that easy." She bit her lip, avoiding eye contact.

"Your face sometimes is louder than your words, dear sister." I said, sceptical of her words.

"Oh, it was that easy. Answering my messages, not ignoring me in school, and just being honest about what you want." Claude blurted out, his expression unreadable.

She went silent, looking down into the grass, her shoulders slumping.

"I feel this is not my place to be." I said lightly, taking a step back. Maybe this was not the right moment to talk with Lily.

"It seems it's not mine either." Claude stormed off into the back of the house, his footsteps heavy and angry.

"This is funny." Lily said, crossing her arms tighter. Her attention turned to me, her eyes red and puffy.

My eyes widened in surprise. "What is funny?" I asked.

"You are. Do you think I don't have eyes? That I don't know you more than anyone in this house?" She said, tears streaming down her face.

"You are talking about Theo." I said, realising my mistake. I was the oblivious one in this situation, just as Leon had said. Indeed, everyone knew.

"Who else would be? Claude? It seems you also got acquainted." She spat the words out, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Lily, you are being unfair. I was suspicious you knew about me and him. But you never said anything." I looked into her eyes and for the first time, I didn't see myself. It was an unfamiliar sight. A side of her that had been hidden from me. "And I met Claude yesterday briefly. Not that it's any of your business."

"I did everything right. From the moment we broke up, I tried to fix myself. Then why is it you that he chooses?" She started pacing around.

"Lily, I understand and I am sorry I took you as a fool. But you can't decide that for someone." I reached out to touch her arm, but she pulled away.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" She demanded, her voice cracking.

"It was as simple as the fact that I didn't want to hurt you." I sighed. "And it became a bigger thing than it should have been with time."

"You failed all my tests. Did you think I woke up so early in the morning for fun?" She screamed so loud, I could hear commotion inside the house.

"Are you serious? In any of those moments did you stop and remember I am a person too?" I shouted back, my patience wearing thin.

"Did you think about me, Harriet, when I watched you guys yesterday in the corridor?" She wiped her tears angrily.

"Lily, I apologise. But we can fix this together." I extended my hand, my voice softening.

"It's so easy for you. You get everything, always. Why did you have to mess up my relationship with Claude?" She stomped on the floor, resembling a kid throwing a tantrum.

I felt a pang of frustration. "This is unlike you. Do you remember what you told me when I first went to live with you?"

"That we were sisters for eternity, no matter what anyone said. But the truth is we are not." Lily stopped pacing and looked at me, her eyes glistening with determination. "I won't give up, Harriet. By any means."

Her stubbornness hit me like a slap. For the first time in our lives, we were truly at odds. "Fine, Lily. Have it your way. But be prepared for what the consequences may be."

Before she could respond, Theodore approached us, confusion on his face. "What's going on?" he asked, his brows furrowed.

Theodore looked between us, then at Claude and Anthony, who were both observing the scene from afar. "Everything okay?" he asked.

Leon, along with the older adults, approached. No signs of Grandma or Cadie in the party of worriers arriving.

"Nothing." Lily smiled with her whole teeth, her eyes evidently still red.

"We thought we saw a giant hornet..." I shot back at the group, forcing a grin.

"Turns out it was a bumblebee." Lily grinned, wiping away the last of her tears.

"Still, we were so scared. Lily even cried."

"Right. I am sorry for worrying you guys." She went towards mom and dad. The whole procession headed towards the house.

"What happened?" Two voices said in front of me.

Theodore looked suspiciously at the ginger guy at his side.

"If it was because of me you guys fought, I didn't mean for that to happen," said Claude with that same nervous tone from last night.

"No. It had nothing to do with you." It had a little to do with him, but that's beside the point.

"Then did you have that conversation with Lilian-" Theo tried to ask.

"What conversation?" Claude asked, looking at me with his giant puppy dog eyes.

"I don't want to talk about this now. Do you have any idea where Cadie is?" I asked Theodore, trying to change the subject.

"Are you guys going somewhere?" said Claude with a sudden grin.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 5

From the shadows behind the rundown fountain, someone appeared. The dim light made it hard to distinguish features. Was it Theo? I threw that whimsical thought into a wishing well.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were-" I approached the stranger slowly. It was a guy, about my age. Dangerous. He blinked, glancing at me as if he was just now remembering something important.

"Good night? Who are you?" With the corners of my eyes, I searched for a way back.

"Don't you remember me?" he approached the fountain, palms in front of him, as if to show there was no danger. Hah, he underestimated what living in a big city taught me.

"That's not what I asked. Answer me or I'll scream!" He laughed soundly and stared at me firmly in the eyes.

"Oh, that kind of thing, you could say I'm your maid." Great, on top of being a stranger, he was out of his marbles. I should have never let my guard down and left my phone back at the house…

"Sure! It's the 21st century, that could happen. You can be anything nowadays, aha." I instinctively stepped back, on the brink of bursting out laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

"Harriet. I am the housekeeper's son. Claude, the youngest of the Olives,” he said seriously. “I literally live right there.” He pointed to a smaller house in the middle of the garden.

"Oh, my mom did say something about that…" I approached slowly. With proper lighting, his red hair stood out and his face was familiar.

"I remember you. We built forts in the forest back when we were kids." He sat in a cleaner spot on the fountain.

“Sorry… I forgot most of my memories of that time.” I smiled, hoping he would move on.

“It was nothing important, either way.” He looked down at his shoes. “Did Lily arrive too?”

“At the exact same time as me-” He suddenly seemed down in spirits. “Is everything okay?”

“Just disappointed. You see, she used to meet me here…” I stood wide-eyed. “Not at night… I mean just normally-”

“Yeah. I will just let that go.” I strode forward determined to sit beside him. Lily also had some secrets, it seemed. “So are you friends with my sister? Before you ask, she is technically my cousin.”

“I know that. But how are you so similar?” He tilted his head.

“Nurture.” I flashed a smile. He seemed taken aback. Were we that similar?

“Whatever. She is really funny, isn't she?” I could physically see his attempt at continuing the conversation about Lily.

"We will have this conversation once. Siblings need to be praised but much more humbled.” His cheeks filled with a tint, resembling his hair. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything. You see, I also study at your university. I come back every weekend… Not important,” he paused. “I thought we were friends or more even, but this past week she just ignored me. We even had a group project to finish…” 

Oh. Wait, does this mean that she had someone else while Theodore was gone? And she just ditched him without warning?

The mere idea that my sister could do this was foreign to me. Did it make me feel less guilty about me and Theodore? For sure. Whatever is about to happen these following days, honesty seems to be due between us. Tomorrow is the day.

I tried to subdue my reaction and answer without the bias of the situation. “Well, she is the same, no matter the age. Strong, smart, and beautiful, but she has space to grow when it comes to relationships.” Holding back a smile, I swung my legs and arms in a strange pattern to emphasise the point.

“So it does have to do with that black-haired guy.” He chuckled, reading between the lines. “Is he her boyfriend?” Petrified, I had two paths to take: being petty after learning new information or being a good sister.

“Talk to her, just not tomorrow. Then you can ask her about him.”

He nodded. “Are you aware you talk like an old shaman?” he asked half-jokingly. "I am looking forward to seeing what is happening tomorrow," said the laughing boy.

"That's tomorrow. What are you doing here today and at these hours?" I asked playfully.

"The fountain, we tried fixing it all evening, but I guess the years don’t forgive." I couldn't tell if he was lying or if it was the truth. Just that he was a peculiar sort of individual. “Maybe it had fixed itself somehow, I know it’s dumb, but yeah…”

"This entire place is wonderful. I can tell your family takes care of that, of this abandoned castle. It's an old fountain, just replace it," I said nonchalantly. However, the lack of an old statue would reduce the cursed manor vibes this place sometimes had.

"I'm glad you can tell. About the fountain, Mrs. Allard says-" He started a phrase, but I already knew the ending.

Getting up, I could feel my jeans had tarnished my green vibrant moss. "Well, boy maid. I'm leaving," I said with my lips pursed, waving goodbye.

He waved back, and I swore he almost laughed at my bad joke. Now laying on my bed I cannot help but wonder. Could he be lying? Either way, it seemed that talking with Lily would be the right choice.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 4

This trip could be both a catastrophe and the most important moment of my life. Our arrangement was odd to say the least. My parents were already there, as they were terrified of what the oldest Allard might mean by news. So Theodore offered to drive us there, together for hours on end.

Lily refused to enter the backseat. No one protested; in the end, she lost a game she didn't even know she was part of.

I took it all in: the noises becoming quieter, the strong pine smell, tiny villages populated by even tinier numbers of inhabitants. Entire lives and histories, we were only part of for a blip of a second. Our messy and confusing lives, fated to never cross theirs.

Maybe it was for the best as I initiated multiple attempts at conversations between Leon and Cadie, resulting in screaming matches. All of them ended with Theodore threatening to drive into a ditch if they didn't stop.

Lily seemed to not mind any of this as she gave a four-hour presentation of her life story and positive attributes. Cadie and I endorsed her with casual comments of encouragement. Some of those made me uneasy. Leon knew, did he not? Oh, God.

Theodore nodded profusely, probably too engulfed in his first time driving on a highway. Nervously asking everyone if it was alright. Spoiler alert: it was not. Despite all this, we also laughed a lot, and Cadie responded politely to Leon one time. Lily went hauntingly silent at the entrance that led to the country house. And for the finale, Theo let out a profound sigh.

There we were, that same golden light shining through those wheat fields. At a loss, I asked the empty space how I was supposed to feel.

Mom. Would you expect me to smile? I apologise but I will refrain. Holding on to the promise we made with your eyes full of joy. That all you needed was my smile, and you would always be there. So I don’t, to keep you in a “Schrödinger's state.” Despite my ramblings, I am not all that different from Grandma. In this state of ambiguity, your hair remains superior to this golden sunset.

Perceiving myself as small and powerless. Can you help me through these feelings? Directly beneath that place looming above.

“Harriet!” I heard my aunt-turned-mother. A tangible one, more motherly than a ghost I sorely miss. “Have you been sleeping well?” She asked, gulping.

“As well as I can,” I answered honestly. She could tell either way.

“Grandma is alright… So if you want to go home-”

“I made up my mind to face this head on.” I probably should not mention Cadie or the deal we all made about my parents. My aunt knew my mother as her sister before I even existed… It must be difficult.

“Alrighty! Then I should mention that the Olives are here. You used to play with their kids so well…” She barely concealed a grin as she attempted to nonchalantly say that.

“Oh please, honey! You are so obvious,” Uncle added.

“Right? Her face says it all!” I grinned, reaching out for a hug.

She welcomed me in her arms but not without adding a snarky remark, “They grew up to be fine adults. Either way, give them a chance.”

I giggled harder, resembling a tall child in her embrace, and my auntie seemed to relax after that. “Sure. Why not?” I lowered my voice. “What do they say about that floor?”

My uncle looked behind him as if a ghost would appear. “The same as usual.”

“Dears, if you are about to badmouth me, at least enter my home before you do it.” She shot a harsh gaze towards her daughter and son-in-law. I turned towards her, preparing my greetings, but Grandma's eyes that fixated on me were unkind.

“Harriet. You-” Grandma visibly noticed her expression, fixing it to the usual one. “Enter. Your room is ready.” She stormed inside, running out of sight.

***

Leon and Lily immediately installed themselves in their respective bedrooms, like they had never left. I also rushed to deposit my belongings, envying their ease. Theodore and Cadie seemed to be missing. Did Grandma say something to them?

Later. I will ask them later. “My bedroom” felt spacious, far from the safe and cosy box back in the city. This house seemed to me unlike reality, resembling a portal I had traversed, someplace else. A voice inside told me: “You are not welcome.”

Setting foot into a fairy-tale, it felt like a princess chamber forgotten in this nowhere place. And I had fallen from a black hole and ended up here; after all, I was not suited for such stories.

I fell flat on the perfectly made bed. Balancing between the urge to stay in outside clothes or be a healthy, functional person. As my mind flooded with pesky dark clouds, the bed sunk into the shape of my body. Hours of almost falling asleep or minutes at a time turned into giving up.

I scooped my bunny-shaped slippers from my bag, not caring for the mess of clothes left. Rapidly, I was out of the door, with the sneaking ability to not wake up a large family while drinking water at night. 

Soon my feet found themselves in an unfamiliar mansion’s garden. It seemed dreamy, so well-kept that even the leaves and rocks appeared to be beautifully placed. Different from any distorted memory in my earliest memories, estranged from myself.

The fresh air lessened a headache I had been festering, and everything felt peaceful. Following a path made from minuscule pebbles led to a strange structure, which upon closer inspection was a fountain. In the centre stood some goddess with a deer-like animal. Moss grew in unflattering places; it was a decrepit monument of time, amongst well-groomed vegetation.

Why was that? Inspecting my surroundings, there was no rhyme or reason for this contrast.

Then I heard footsteps. "Lilian? What are you doing here? It's a little late, don't you think?" said a calm male voice. His chuckles resonated through the night.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 3

Today was the day all our schedules collided. Naturally, Lily and Cadie, who had no afternoon classes, joined us for lunch at our campus. The cafeteria was bustling with students, fighting for better tables near the water dispensers.

We chose our usual table in a quieter corner closest to the bins, resembling little mice chewing at food and chattering between laughter. Leon immediately started picking at his food, drumming his fingers on the table between bites.

“So, Allard family and plus ones. What's the plan for this weekend? Do we drive together?” he asked, looking around the table and putting an end to the peaceful mood.

“I have no idea,” I replied, stirring my soup absentmindedly. The familiarity of our arrangement was comforting, but it was hard to stay present. 

In the back of my mind lived the ongoing issue with Theodore and Lily. In the forefront, Grandma's urgent invitation weighed even more heavily. She had invited me before, but never with this sort of urgency.

That country house must hold her greatest gifts and horrors. It was unfair for everyone that I couldn't remember that day…

“It’ll be easier if we all go in one car,” said Lily, her eyes darting to Theo. She twirled a strand of her blonde hair nervously. “You will come with us, right?”

Theo nodded, giving her a reassuring smile. “Of course, Lil. Wherever it is, I am there for any of you.” He gave me a quick wink along with that.

Leon glanced at Cadie, who was quietly tapping her fork against the tray, her face set in a determined expression. “Cadie, will you come too?”

Cadie looked up sharply. “I will. Not for you, though.” She stood up abruptly, clearly not interested in engaging in a conversation with him.

“Well it seems we need to talk about this,” Leon said gently, though his eyes showed his frustration. “It’s important that we’re all on the same page.” He shot me a pre-planned look.

It was time to talk about this.

“Cadie. I understand you only want to help,” I said slowly, trying to keep my voice steady, “But is it not better to sometimes live in bliss or whatever that phrase says.”

“Besides, we don't know if that's what Grandma wants to tell us,” added Lily, looking between us, her blue eyes wide with concern.

Cadie sighed, shaking her head slightly as she addressed us. “Guys, let me do this. I may be new to all of this,” she said, gesturing with her tray, “but I want to earn a place here.”

Leon leaned forward, his expression softening. “Harriet’s decision on this is final. Besides, you already have one, that does not imply doing any of this.”

Cadie’s eyes flashed with defiance. “I’m not deciding for anyone. Do you guys not get it? You have gotten used to this sad standstill. ”

Theo interjected, his voice calm. “I get that you want to help. Really, I do understand the whole being an outsider thing.” He looked at her with camaraderie. “But happiness is for each their own.”

Cadie crossed her arms, her expression hardening. “And sitting around doing nothing isn’t going to solve anything. You all tiptoe around this like it’s going to magically fix itself.”

“It’s not about doing nothing,” I said, feeling the tension rise. “It’s a bigger issue… than me or my family. You can’t just force your way in.”

“Force?” Cadie scoffed. “I took a step back, investigated on my own, and what I found is no joke. I am aware that you don’t want to hear of it. But closure is not worth it?.”

Leon reached out to touch her arm gently. “Exactly it's a difficult topic, we are going in baby steps and you are running a marathon.”

Cadie looked between us, her frustration evident. 

“Fine. I understand. What about this,” I said, trying to calm the tension. “If you find from this trip something no police report had, then you have my full support.” 

“Deal,” she said, satisfied. “Thank you for trusting me. She gave me a clumsy hug with one arm, balancing her other objects with the other.

Leon sighed, watching her leave, then turned back to us. “I’ll talk to her. I know she means well, but sometimes it feels like she’s digging into things that should be left alone.”

“She is our friend and is trying her best,” I gulped dry. “The only thing I worry about is dragging something that is impossible to solve. So if this is going to end up being something… it will be for good.”

“I adore her like a piece of my heart.” Lily bit her lip. “So if this is what you want and Cadie says she is confident… I do not see an issue.”

“Are you serious?” said Leon in disbelief.

Theo nodded thoughtfully. “I understand where you are coming from, but Cadie has a point. Maybe she’s found something we haven’t considered. Remember. Harriet is the most important opinion on this subject.”

Leon frowned, still unconvinced. “But what if it just stirs up more trouble? I mean… The nightmares are no joke. They make you so tired.” He pleaded with his twinkling eyes.

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of their concern. “I appreciate how much you all care. Really. But maybe this time, we need to take a risk. If Cadie’s findings lead nowhere, we can close that chapter. If they help, then it’s worth the effort.” 

Leon sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair. “Fine. I’ll go along with it. Tell us if it makes you uncomfortable at any stage.”

“I won’t,” I assured him. “Either way we handle it together.”

“There will be serious damage to night terrors that make you cry. I will find a way to beat them up!” Lily laughed, extending her arms so I could hold her hands.

Cadie returned briefly to grab her things, shooting a final glance at Leon before heading out, her expression a mix of frustration and determination. She shook her head slightly, muttering under her breath as she walked away.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 2

The familiar figure swiftly entered the passenger seat, smiling from ear to ear.

“So…” Leon turned towards my makeup-smeared face. His gaze flicked back to Theo, his expression now more doubtful than a second before. “Did you finally talk to Lil?”

More worrying than the comical situation I was in was my brother knowing everything. I bit my nail, only to immediately release it.

Theo, trying to suppress a smile, asked, “Can’t you read a room? Or a car?”

I furrowed my brow. “How do you know?” I asked, holding on to the hope that there was some way to fix it.

“Harriet… Are you serious?” Leon shook his head. “Lily is the only one who doesn’t know.”

The shock was brief, cut cold by the realization that it would be inevitable to hurt Lily. This was all wrong, but I chose it…

I tried to shift the focus. “What are you doing here anyway? I thought you left earlier with Mom.”

“Dearest sister. Why are you here?” Leon retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Why are you here, Harriet?” Theo echoed Leon’s curiosity.

As soon as possible, before Theo says anything, I need to tell her. So funny I pretended, mostly to myself, that I was the best concealer, a superspy from a blockbuster. Turns out I am just a transparent girl in love…

“Both of you know the answer. So shut your mouths,” I snapped, admitting defeat.

Leon teased, “Good to know, even you fell prey to love.”

“Ew, Leon,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Stop talking like this.”

Right. There was no way he didn't know. Lily was his half. Surprisingly, I was also half of each. Wait. So does that mean Lil-

He laughed, interrupting the spiraling train of thought. “Anyway, we have an issue to solve…” He brought to attention, sounding slightly off.

“I’m sorry to say, buddy, but that is your daily bread,” Theo remarked, trying to lighten the mood.

“You have no idea,” Leon sighed, his expression growing more serious. “Grandma called… She has some kind of news.”

“What kind of news?” I asked, immediately taken aback.

Grandma. 

Of course, she was dear to me. But losing her only daughter was the end of her life. Even when grandpa died, she refused to come out of that place. It’s all frozen for her. Our floor of the house, dustless and immovable.

Talking to her over a video call is like seeing a picture oxidize. The same hairstyle and clothes made from cloth not from her young years, but from that time. Only a few wrinkles tell the difference.

That is why Aunt took me in. I had to move on, and she would not let me. It's so delicate… Pain. How do you tell someone that is suffering so much that you are human and not a porcelain doll? You don't without causing more pain. It seems to be recurring with me, hurting others by mistake.

“She wouldn’t say over the phone. Either way, it will be a long-awaited Allard family reunion,” Leon replied, his tone weirdly calm.

Theo’s voice lowered, directing his question to me. “Is it about that? I mean, you-”

“My missing parents,” I gave him a weak smile. “Don’t talk about it in such an awkward way. Besides, it can be about selling the house.”

“She made it clear that would never be the case,” he said, frustrated. “Still, if it is about them it may not be easy for you to handle,” Leon blurted out, scolding his best friend.

“Well, I know as much as you guys. Could it be about that?” I replied half-heartedly. Afraid that this had something to do with them. These recent dreams were so familiar, so unnervingly touchable. Maybe they were suppressed memories. But why now? So late to do anything about it.

Leon shrugged. “Maybe…” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “Cadie’s been doing research; there are some possible leads.”

The pieces are all falling into place. But… “I told her there was no need,” I blurted out, a bit too harshly. “Sorry, difficult position to put you in.” I corrected myself.

“Yeah, I agree with you. She’s not too happy with me right now because of that,” Leon added. “We’ve been fighting again.”

“What's new?” Theo quipped sarcastically.

Lily had met in college her best friend and future sister-in-law: Cadie, a new addition to our coven. Both of them are analytical when it comes to numbers. So much so, Lily was the only one of us who got into a scientific degree. They were immediate soulmates, passionate and realistic, what a combo!

“This time it’s serious. She thinks I’m not supportive enough of the investigation,” Leon explained, frustration evident in his voice. “I told her it’s a touchy subject.”

“Maybe you should,” Theo suggested. “If her research can help Harriet, it’s worth considering.”

“I know, I know,” Leon sighed. “But it’s hard. There’s so much going on. Besides, Harriet…” He gave me that knowing look.

“Enough of this,” I declared. “It’s as nonsensical as solving dreams.” There is no use poking a sleeping bear. All that waits is misfortune. What if there is no solution?

“Dreams are just made-up stuff. The reality is the possibility of an investigation…” Theo said.

“Dwelling on the meaning of dreams doesn’t hurt anyone, Theo. Even more if it can help your girl… friend,” Leon teased.

“You are pushing it!” I scolded my brother, trying to conceal a little smile forming on my lips. Leon had been especially attentive to the repeating patterns in my dreams.

Though not useful in a practical sense, it helped having someone look out for my subconscious. It seemed he wasn’t looking out for the health of my conscious body, as my face flushed with the colors of a summer sunset.

“Let’s keep that for later,” declared Theo, his face occupied by a comically large smile. “She may implode in a ball of fire and fly into space.”

“Dreams!” I exclaimed. “So confusing those are. Should we not get going? We are late for…” I glanced at my phone, cursing Lily for waking up so early.

They looked at each other and burst into laughter. I joined them out of embarrassment, the shared mirth momentarily easing the tension.

[harrietsdreams]

Chapter 1

It seemed as if the sun was mocking me. Its light, usually a mood booster, failed to lift my spirits. Nervous habits marked by a frown that forecasted early wrinkles. But I was getting better. It was a process, they said, a permanent activity for the foreseeable future. That seemed to be the case.

Steady, only the wheels on the asphalt. There was not a single thing to recall that was linear. At any given moment it could stop, and derail into an abyss. So far, I mean. There is hope. My therapist told me to reframe all of this, calling it “Resilience”. Sure, playing along does not hurt.

It is fitting. The loud buzzing sound of humans. Honks, beeping, intangible phone conversations, and distant screams from cars far down the road. The reason? The road was keeping them away from their morning addictions. Humans, from the moment they wake up to the moment they pass out from exhaustion. Do they all run directly into their happiest moments? Or are they similar to me?

Does that sound healing? Perhaps not, but so powerful humans are. The morning gave way to these thoughts. Lost in them, I jolted as my body hit the floor, finally tugging the blanket back in place.

Pausing to lay there, I lamented these past few unfortunate nights. The dreams had come back, typical of them. Annoying, so very maddening. Pause. Lily screamed, and it reached the slits of my half-open door. I thought about ignoring it. Coming from her, it could be anything - from a misplaced phone case to imminent danger. You never know… Fine.

As I stepped into the living room, glimpses of blonde, a beam of light through the curtain, hitting the floor, nostalgic and reflecting off her healthy glow. Tiny rounded features, with a nose delicately built, stuffed with tears. There she lay on the carpet, in a fresh set of clothes, as if it were natural.

I was not much better when it came to finding floors comfortable. However, her head leaned to the side, maintaining eye contact with her giant glistening blue eyes. Trouble that is what it told me.

“This is a bit odd, isn’t it? Anyway, I picked up your favourite skirt from the dry cleaner.” She got up, sitting awkwardly. “Hurry up. You know I need you.”

“Need me?” Looking around, makeup was scattered around the coffee table by the sofa. “Oh.”

“Yeah!” She ran towards the shared bathroom, taking a blush and a lip gloss.

A yawn surged as I leaned against the door frame. Lily’s blue eyes, a shade close to my own, yet ever slightly wrong. Bright and enticing deep blue, shining as she daydreamed.

I saw myself in her, a slightly more hopeful version of me. It existed, each time she grinned. Enabling this kind of behaviour is wrong but despite her unhealthy romantic life… You should make your family happy as much as possible.

“Go get dressed! He’ll be up soon!” She whisked me away with her dainty hand, a blend of urgency and sisterly care.

“Ugh. Fine… Buy me sour gummies then. Or else no deal.” I declared, already knowing the answer.

“Whatever, just get dressed!” She grinned with the habitual agreement of our sisterhood.

Standing by his apartment door, I noticed the doorbell was still broken, just as it had been the past week. His mother hadn’t been home for a while it seemed. Giving me no time to knock, the door opened, and there he was, looking handsome as usual, as he changed into his outdoor shoes. I stared at him, a smile tugging at my lips as if pulled by an invisible thread.

“Lily is waiting for you,” I said, immediately turning my back to the movie scene that was unfolding inside his house.

“Morning to you too. Is this how you are going to be from now on?” he asked, his tone a mix of frustration and amusement.

I kept walking, but his footsteps rapidly approached.

“May I?” he asked, stopping in front of me with his arms open.

“You may not!” I shouted, glancing back, and waiting for Lily to show up.

“Come,” he said with a nod, ushering me inside his apartment. As the door closed behind me, I allowed myself to look at his face, savoring the moment.

“What about now?” he asked again, his eyes searching mine.

“Okay,” I whispered, wrapping him in a tight hug, missing him more with each passing moment he wasn’t there.

He responded by gently embracing my waist, lowering his head to rest on the nape of my neck, soft and puppy adjacent.

“Theo!” I exclaimed, pulling back slightly.

“Does this not mean anything to you?” He matched my eye level, his eyes filled with a longing that I certainly corresponded. One that I did not want him to recognize in me.

“Maybe. But that does not mean I have to act upon it.”

“Then what is holding you back?”

“Maybe the fact you went to Italy for a month, going no contact with all of us…”

“I had my reasons… It was something I had no control over.”

“Funny! But I have control over this.” I took a step back, freeing myself from his warmth.

“Then why do you come back and do this strange theatre every morning?” he asked, his voice softer now.

“Lily. The same reason we should never have kissed that day… Or did whatever we are doing right now. She is my choice.” I reached into the entrance cabinet, picking up a framed photo of us three from our childhood.

“Let me try this one more time. Do you not feel anything?” He stepped closer, closing the distance between us.

“Theodore. My sister has been into you since we were children. I can't do this to her…” I placed the photo back, my fingers lingering on the glass.

“Then choose what you want Harriet. Tell Lily to come here herself for me please?” He opened the door, gesturing for me to leave first.

In a blink, he was driving us to campus. Lily’s small giggles filled the car as he told jokes about pasta he learned in Italy. This was right. He was the one who got her this happy at such alarming hours of the morning. Still, I held back tears. Can you convince yourself that something so peculiar and different does not exist? Something that feels wrong, that upsets your stomach?

We, the odd quadruple, had known Theo since middle school. Theo as a child had been one of those incredibly rude ones, who told you things you never wanted to hear. Yet, not a person could resist his charm.

So, when high school came around, I was still immature... childish even. As for Lily and Theo, they were already thinking about dating and forgetting about playing tag. It was a weird period of our lives, more so for Leon and me. Having a twin should mean having a friend forever, right? That was not the case for him into his teenage years. To be fair, at least he had his slightly more brunette bonus sister.

This situation carried on until the last year of high school when Theo suddenly broke everything off with Lily. Relief washed over me until I saw Lily suffering. He was her whole world. As for Leon, and him, they were more twins than with the one he resembled. They played games all night and studied at 3:00 am when the exam was in the first period like two very handsome cockroaches roaming around the house when everyone else wanted to rest.

Then there was me, being a third wheel, emotional support, and third necessary player depending on the occasion. Four different humans of the same age, who grew up attached at the hip. So this year, at the beginning of university when I realised that I lingered a little longer by his apartment, and my eyes strayed to him in the most inopportune moments, it was a dreadful realization.

He is an idiot, a lovable idiot! I can’t begin to even comprehend it myself. This past month, as Lily babbled about his Instagram posts. I only thought I couldn't agree more…

My mind filled again and again with the same old contradictory thoughts. Built-up frustration, bottled somewhere deep beneath my skin. Even after all this time, I feel this chill as if he will put everything I have built down, just like when I first met him, and he kicked my Jenga tower.

After I prayed to the skies he would never come back from Italy. Maybe he could have found a passion for dough and cheese and chosen to pursue his life far away from my sight!

I know I am awful.

“Harriet!” The car had stopped on the side of the road, and the campus of Lily´s faculty was in sight. “See you at lunch… With your sour gummies.”

“Are you okay?” he asked, watching as Lily vanished.

“Yeah,” I replied, my voice unconvincing.

He sighed. “I can’t force you to make healthy choices for yourself. But you should rethink your approach to confrontation.”

“What do you know about that? This is a totally normal and fine arrangement.”

“Your hands are shaking.” He produced a bottle of water my way. “Here.”

“Thank you,” I picked it up. “Too much coffee,” I remarked, trying to smile.

“Lily told me she wants to be together again.”

“What did you say to that?” I lowered my head, trying not to sound out of breath.

“I said I would think about it...” He turned slightly, a small smile forming on his lips. “However, it was always a no.”

“You can’t do this...” I whispered, my voice trembling.

“Actually, that choice is up to me. I will not tell her why if you do not want me to. But you know this is worse, right?” He took back the bottle, opening it up, before returning it.

“I am afraid of losing everything… It is not limited to this situation. There is something wrong with my brain.” I blurted out, relieving some of the stress, finally taking a sip.

“It is resilient. That is what you told me. Mine too, negligent mother stuff,” he said softly.

A face loomed over the car, mouth agape, staring directly at us.

[harrietsdreams]

Prologue

Beneath the boundless expanse of the sky, I stood amidst the undulating sea of wheat, its pale stalks swaying gently in the breeze. Soil clung to my bare feet, grounding me in the moment as I grinned with unbridled joy.

Each step I took caused the earth to yield beneath me, damp and tickling, a comforting embrace. The breeze teasing the fine hairs on my arms like the touch of sweet syrup on warm pancakes.

As my feet moved towards the edges of a paddy, I paused only to pluck an unruly flower. This rapid and looping moment, the best of moments. Heavy with questions amidst the serenity.

Why?

Why am I here?

Why now? 

“You are not supposed to be here.” A voice whispered in urgency.

Memories, tacky and rapid fire, a voice my own that I’d rather go away. Threatening to overwhelm. They should swivel and go with the wind, remain without detail, a remain of a beautiful and impeccable picture drawn from memory.

Then, in an instant, the idyllic scene fractured. Light gave way to darkness, warmth to coldness, as though a switch had been flipped. It was not the poetic demise of movies, but a visceral assault on my senses.

The perception of stench, a decay heavy in the air, a grotesque reminder of that day.

Years removed from the wheat field, I lay in a cramped apartment. Sounds of the city invading my restless sleep, a place I grew up, a real tangible place, still carries memories so vivid and unyielding.

Lost in the passage of time, I am adrift, unable to anchor myself in the present. As I close my eyes, I hear strident screams.