#but like how interesting is listening to the same 4 topics in one song

[secretly-a-polar-bear]

How many posts does it take to write the entirety of a poorly translated script of Romeo and Juliet that was then put through a uwu translator all written in the tags?

[seaofreverie]

I'm actually so serious that spotify wrapped is one of my favourite holidays of the year and the fact that it's taking a week longer to release this year than I was fully convinced it would actually take is pretty agonising. But also opening the wikipedia article about it and seeing it described simply as a "viral marketing campaign" cracked me up in a sad way because well. Yeah of course it's that. Of course it's a viral marketing campaign first and foremost. But also give me my stats and my 100 top songs of the year playlist NOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kingkat12]

fuck-me eyes and first times (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, piv sex, loss of virginity, inexperienced sex?, oral sex (female receiving), mutual masturbation, awkward real moments lol, dry-humping, use of contraceptives, drunk driving, Roman using his powers for good?, blood, FLUFF, a dash of angst

summary: you've been unlucky with your first times all your life-- but tonight, you're sleeping with the equivalent of your shooting star.

word count: 12,139 (i love you guys, do u see)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11

a/n: FINALLY THEY’RE FUCKING ISTG?? tihiii this is a bit of a different chapter!! i'm dead tired of reading smut where everything goes perfectly the first time and they barely communicate, so hopefully this will be a bit more realistic (hopefully!!) sorry for the wait, and hope you enjoy!!!!!!;)

The first time I broke a bone, I kicked my foot into the wall in a fit of rage.

The first time I got an A on a test, I cheated by writing the answers under my skirt. 

And the first time I lost a friend? That was the story of how I got here in the first place.

To say my track record for first times was bad, was an understatement. I didn't see myself as an angel of the world. However, as I glanced to the side for a brief moment at an intersection, I looked directly at the man who'd often joke he was the devil. Roman had spread out in the passenger seat, still a little drunk as his long legs rested against the dashboard. It didn't matter how many times I told him to take them down, that if I were to crash his car he'd fold in two and die-- he didn't care. 

We were still a little intoxicated from the party, but I was in a better condition than him, which was why I was driving; something he'd never let me do if he wasn't in this state. Roman's head lolled back against his seat, his eyes closing as he hummed along to the music. Space Song by Beach House was always my favorite song to drive to at night, and I was glad he seemed to like it as well.

The first time I heard this song, I had been driving home after getting introduced to Letha at a party. I was over the moon, happy to have finally found a person in this wretched town that I could enjoy the company of. I had been so dreadfully bored of all the others. 

Letha was a good hugger. A good listener-- never scared to tell the truth, especially as we grew closer.

"Roman is my baby cousin, I love him to death, but damn he can be annoying," she had said, smiling at me as she leaned against the kitchen counter. "The amount of friends I have lost to him is just crazy. Every single one seems to fall over like dominoes whenever he's around, and honestly? I don't get it. Maybe it's because we're related and all, but there has to be a fucking limit to how many times something like this can happen? How many times can he sleep with my friends and get away with it? Him doing that is the same as me sleeping with Peter, it's just not okay! I would never fucking do that! This situation is becoming hysterical, to be honest."

I remember frowning-- "Hysterical?"

"Yeah... If I wasn't so pissed at him, I'd just laugh at the absurdity," Letha's green eyes remained kind despite the heaviness of the topic. "But at the end of the day, I'm glad I get to keep you to myself. My previous friends were nothing compared to you."

Letha's words were sweet, but something felt off. I smiled as I spoke, hoping to keep my query a light one; "What do you mean, keep me to yourself? Gonna chain me up, Letha?" I gave her shoulder a nudge as she laughed. 

"Not like that, you freak! I mean that Roman doesn't seem interested in you at all, so I feel safe that you'll stay. And if he were to be, you'd never do anything like that to me," She put away her empty can of beer, and something in her eyes shifted just a smidge-- I wouldn't have caught it if my senses hadn't been sharpened by the mention of his lack of interest in me. 

"... Right?" Letha asked, urging a response. It seemed to dawn on her that she sounded on the brink of bitterness, and she broke out into an even wider smile to compensate; "You don't seem like the type to sleep with my cousin, but maybe I'm wrong?"

"Never," was what I had answered that night.

Never... Gosh, I was delusional to think I could behave. 

Once again, I glanced at Roman at the next red light, watching the way one strand of hair strayed from his stylings and laid in a soft wave over his forehead. He opened his big, green eyes, smirking as he realized he was being watched-- "Eyes on the road,"

It was embarrassing how fast I blushed. I quickly nodded, gripping the steering wheel harder as I fixated on the red light above us. "Was it the next intersection I needed to get off on?" I asked, hoping not to linger on the subject of my peeking. "Could you maybe turn on the GPS on my phone just in case you fall asleep?"

"I'm not sleeping," Roman prompted, holding out his hand to take my phone.

As I reached for it in my back pocket, I felt it vibrate as the lights turned green. I gave Roman my phone, in a rush to not miss the light even though we were the only ones on the highway. "Who's calling?" 

Roman didn't answer me-- I pieced together who it was when he started greeting my mom.

Oh no. 

I freed one hand from the steering wheel, trying to get a hold of my phone as Roman quietly laughed at my attempt. I didn't succeed; "Yeah, she's here," he said, grinning as he motioned for me to keep driving. "I hoped to have her stay over at my place tonight, as my mother is desperate to meet your lovely daughter."

I rolled my eyes, mouthing a simple fuck you. Roman had to bite down on his lip to suppress a laugh-- we both knew his mom was out of town and that his intentions were far from anything as pure as to introduce me to her. 

My mom seemed flustered by his pleasantries on the other side of the phone, but I couldn't make out the specifics of what she was saying. It didn't sound like she was objecting, though. 

Roman nodded along as he turned down the music on the stereo and (finally) removed his legs off the dashboard. "No, of course, I wouldn't dream of giving your daughter any alcohol! Yes-- Yes, we were at a party just now, but we're both sober as rocks!" He glanced at me, mischief dancing in the green of his eyes.

The look on his face now was priceless. Although he was lying to my mom right up her face (her ear?), he still looked damn charming as always.

"Uh-huh..." Roman mumbled, now reciting his phone number at her request. "We'll probably be up having dinner, so you can call me anytime if you have any questions!-- Yes, I know it's late to have dinner, but my mother is European like that. Your daughter is in good hands, don't worry!"

I rolled my eyes once more, knowing how fond my mom was of him and how easily she'd eat all of this up. When Roman finally got off the call, he broke out into a string of laughter-- "Your mom is so damn sweet, but I can tell she's terrified we'll have sex. It seems you've taken after her,"

"I'm not terrified!" I whined, turning left to get off the highway.

He snorted; "I was two seconds away from telling her I have a stash of condoms, and that she shouldn't worry about having to take care of a mini-me when you leave for college,"

I did my best not to blush-- this conversation was getting more and more suggestive. "Shut up," I mumbled. "I'm not terrified."

Roman's eyes softened as he sat back in his seat and watched me drive his car. I knew I was giving away my true feelings regarding the matter with the way I was anxiously tapping my fingers against the steering wheel. I continued; "I just had you locked in a closet trying to convince you I'm not. It's not that big of a deal,"

"Relax, I'm just teasing you," Roman ran his fingers through his hair, gazing into the rearview mirror to check how messed up it had gotten. His red car had an open roof, after all. He sighed, trying to choose his next words wisely. "Not a big deal, you say?"

"Well..." I was unsure whether to be honest or not.

Roman nodded, looking out at all the trees passing us by. His silence was unnerving, and I turned up the music to tune it out. I couldn't stand this. Something in him switched; Maybe he was upset that I said it wasn't a big deal? Or maybe he was realizing it was a big deal to him? I needed to change the subject; "This is the right direction, no? I feel like I'm just driving deeper into the forest--"

"I've never told you this, but after the first time we kissed, I kept having the same dream where never left the seven minutes in heaven closet," Roman placed his head in the palm of his hand as he leaned his elbow against the car door, sighing. "Over and over, every night. Nearly drove me mad. And in the dream, there were no seven minutes, no time limit. So it was just you and I, and we were going at it like fucking crazy."

I held my breath, my eyes widening further with every sentence. What? Was he drunk-rambling or was this something else?

Roman sighed again, attempting to relax as he closed his eyes and stilled in his seat. Like this, I could nearly mistake him for being asleep. "It all started with me wanting to fuck you," he mumbled. "But every night, at the end of the dream, I got greedy... Because suddenly, I also wanted you to love me." 

Had I not been good at keeping calm, I would've probably crashed the car into the nearest tree. I didn't get much time to process, to feel the weight of his confession, until Roman snapped out of it like a character taken straight out of an animation, now sitting up; "Turn here,"

I drove up to a huge gate, stopping the car as I tried to steady my breathing. "Roman--"

"Two seconds," he said, getting out of the car to walk up to the intercom. He was as good as normal now.

I was left still gripping the steering wheel for dear life, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to find the right words. I watched as Roman typed in a code, and the massive gate slowly opened as he jumped back into the car. 

My breath was still held in my chest as I turned to him, eyes wider than plates of expensive china. 

Roman glanced back at me with an innocent smile; the mood had completely switched. "Breathe," he cooed, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "It's just a mansion." With a sharp intake of air, he glanced at the backseat and the crumbled-up hot pink crop top we had brought with us (stolen, actually) from the party-- "A mansion with a possibility to put that anomaly in the fucking laundry."

I turned towards it as well, returning to my mind at the sight of the obnoxious colour of the top-- Knowing I had made him cum into the fabric of it merely an hour ago still felt like a triumph.

... Was it maybe my turn, now?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

And he was right-- this was an absolute castle of a house. I had suppressed the truth about Roman's wealth for as long as I could, not wanting to think about it in case my mind went haywire about it, but now it was smacking me in the face.

Still, Roman's hand on the small of my back was a comfort as he led me through the mansion on the most impromptu show-around I've ever witnessed. "This is the room where I learned how to shoot darts," he mumbled, pointing at the small dents in the wall. "I didn't know the darts were actually stuck to the wall and not the printed dartboard I hung up..." He bent down, picking up the painting his mother had hung up to cover the indents.

I couldn't help but laugh, clinging to his arm as we moved from room to room. The mansion was gothic, vampy, but that might've just been my imagination playing with me. The tall ceilings were intimidating, yet beautiful-- judging by my surroundings, there was no denying that everything around me cost a fortune.

I was yanked out of my trail of thoughts when Roman led me behind a red curtain by one of the big windows in the next room, and I giggled as he wrapped it around us. My back was pressed against the wall, engulfed by both the curtain and Roman's embrace; "This is where I learned how to French," he whispered, smiling as he pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "And it was horrible. She fucking bit me and I squealed like a girl."

If Roman was trying to distract me from what he had said in the car, he was certainly doing a good job. The mental image of his first French kiss kept me beyond entertained, and we both continued laughing as he got us out of the wrap of the curtain.

However, it was the walk up the circular stairs that truly made it dawn on me who I was dating-- Roman Godfrey, the future heir to a billion-dollar company. Fuck. I stared up at the painting above us, the one of him and his mother posing with a rather regal-looking background. He couldn't have been more than fourteen in that picture, and I could see his classic intimidating stare through the painting and the way he clutched the chair his mother was posed on. It was clear that the boy in the painting didn't want to be there at all.

Roman turned, realizing what I was looking at; "I fucking hate that one," he grumbled, giving my hand a squeeze. "I refused to smile at that age. I look like I'm on the brink of killing myself."

"Not true," I squeezed his hand back. "Give yourself some grace. How old were you?"

"Fourteen,"

There you go. "Judging by the painting, I think we could've been friends at fourteen,"

Roman stopped in the middle of the curved stairway, his brows drawing together. "How so?"

I shrugged, trying not to focus on how much taller he was than me. If I thought about it for too long, I'd jump him. "Because I wore all black for about a year. If you refused to smile, and I refused to show any joy, I think we would've been a killer duo,"

Roman blinked twice before cracking into a chuckle. "That's unexpected,"

"Bet,"

"You're all... cute and bubbly now,"

"You think?" I wasn't sure how much I agreed. "The girl that's fucking around with her ex-best friend's cousin?"

Roman had to bite down another laugh. "What do you mean, fucking around? I haven't as much as touched you compared to how I could've,"

Oh.

Oh God.

I held back a shiver, staring up at him as he resumed leading me up the stairs. "But... you have touched me,"

"Sure," Roman proceeded to get a proper look at me in the darkness of the night when we reached the second floor. The green around his widened pupils practically shone-- it was impressively cat-like. "Impossible not to, with those fuck-me eyes of yours."

"Hey!" I wasn't sure why I was protesting, but I knew his snicker egged me on. "I don't have... that!"

I could see that Roman was on the brink of cooing at me, and he sucked in a sharp breath as he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. I hadn't seen him this amused in a while. "Right," he purred. "You don't. Not a trace at all." With a short kiss on my forehead, he moved away from me and started walking down the dark corridor. "Keep those fuck-me eyes in the hallway, and I might let you sleep tonight."

I sighed before gearing up into a walking sprint to catch up with his long strides-- If only he knew that sleep was the last thing on my mind. 

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

When we finally reached Roman's bedroom, I couldn't believe the size of it. My room was nothing in comparison. I had certainly not expected the posters-- there were many rare classic horror films and some bands I was sure his mom probably loathed. However, I was surprised by the lack of half-naked models on his walls which I had always imagined; I let out a short, relieved breath. "Your room is nice,"

Roman hummed, throwing his jacket on a chair nearby. "Not too boyish for you?" 

"Nah," I mumbled, walking up to the posters on the opposite wall. There were a lot of movies I hadn't seen yet-- still, I couldn't help but laugh a little when I saw The Godfather. "It's very you."

"How great that you like me, then," 

"Lucky for you, yeah," There was something about this room that I couldn't help but love-- this was where Roman woke up and fell asleep. This was where he probably spent most of his time. I wondered whether the pillows smelled of his going-out cologne or the lighter one he usually wore to school. I wondered whether he'd been caught smoking in here, whether he'd done coke with Peter on his desk, and how many girls he'd had up here. By the likes of it, I somehow doubted anything like that ever happened at his place. If he had waited this long to have me over, I decided it was highly unlikely he'd invite someone he didn't know very well. 

I clasped my hands behind my back, taking long strides as I scanned the many posters on his walls.

Roman sat down on the chair by his desk, spreading out as he watched me with a smirk. "Not what you expected?"

I turned to him, my brows drawing together; "Why? Are you nervous or something?"

"I'm not nervous," Roman huffed, folding his arms over his chest. Now that I was looking straight at him, it was clear that he was. "I'm simply asking."

A knowing smile crept up my cheeks-- it felt like I had the upper hand, for once. "You're nervous,"

"Am not!"

"And now you're fidgeting,"

I was correct; Roman's right leg had given into a slight bounce. He rolled his eyes, muttering curse words under his breath. "It's not every day that I have girls up here, okay? I'm never here, stuff always happens at someone else's-- well, now your room. Because this is, like... my lair,"

I had to bite back an amused smirk; "Your evil lair?"

"Bingo. This is where I dissect people and stuff," He pointed to the table next to him. "So... yeah. Your opinion matters to me, I guess."

"Oh, does it now?"

"On some things, sure,"

I nodded, focusing on how the moonlight was dipping into the dark brown of Roman's hair. He didn't have to be so pretty all the time, did he? How rude. "Such as...?"

With a shrug, Roman now gazed at the tall ceiling. Like this, he almost looked bored. "Your opinion of me is the one that comes to mind, I guess,"

"My opinion of... you?" That was new. 

Roman met my eyes again, this time with a new emotion-- his head was slightly tilted to the side, and he was looking at me through his brows. I had a feeling he didn't intend the look to be as intimidating as it was. "It fluctuates,"

"My opinion?"

"Yep," he said. "Some days, you look at me like I'm everything. And then, the next day, I'm the biggest asshole in the world."

My lips drew together in a tight line-- this was unexpected. "And here I thought I was the only consistent thing in your life," I mumbled. "I don't know, Rome, every couple has its ups and downs, no? But I don't want them to make you doubt what I feel for you. Because... you know, right?" I started taking wary steps across the room. "You know I adore you, there is no way you've managed to miss that?"

With a sigh, Roman sat back in his chair with a smile. "Sure, I know that," he murmured, watching my every step with anticipation. "And I bet that tree you carved our initials into can attest."

Goddamn it. "You're never going to let go of that, are you?" 

As I finally approached him, Roman led me between his legs with a gentle hold around my waist. "Nope," He pressed his lips against my clothed chest, his fingers slowly digging into my top. My arms draped around his neck, and my next words were muffled against his hair; he reeked of his usual cinnamon-flavored cigarettes-- "But sure, if the tree ever starts talking, it will agree. You know I'm crazy about you,"

"Crazy is the keyword here,"

"Oh, shut up," I muttered, pulling away to get a proper look at him. Roman was so damn beautiful-- I had missed the sight of him in the past twenty-four hours I had been unsure of the state of our relationship. "I still can't believe you thought I was going to break up with you... Do you know how shitty you would have to be to drive me to that point?"

Roman pulled me back in again, enjoying the scent of my perfume with his next deep inhale; he pressed a short kiss to my neck. "Let me be paranoid," The next kiss lingered for longer, the warm exhale through his nose grazing my skin.

"But I don't want you to be," I tried. "I don't ever want you to doubt us like that. Never, ever again."

Roman stilled. With a sigh, he spoke; "Okay... but that's where you step into what people in my family call a deathtrap," He motioned for me to sit down in his lap, and with wary movements, I draped my arms around his neck and sat down, allowing him to place a sweet kiss to my cheek. "Deathtrap?" I echoed.

"Deathtrap," Roman shifted, placing one arm around my waist as his free hand traced small circles into my thighs. "Otherwise known as... hope." And just like that, it was as though his mind went elsewhere, as though something in his eyes shifted. 

However, I'd had enough of that-- I wasn't having any of it tonight. Knowing Roman saw hope as a deathtrap made my heart burn. Wary of not being too abrupt, I slowly placed a finger underneath his chin, catching his attention. "If you don't want to harbor any hope of your own, I'll lend you mine," I whispered, gently nudging his nose with mine. 

Roman's pupils dilated as his hot breath fanned against my upper lip. I could smell the beer on him, the cigarettes, yet the most prevalent was the anxiety-- it brushed upon my skin, and caressed my heart. "All of it, Roman," My hand went back into his hair, stroking through the softness of his locks. "All my hope, all my love... it's all yours to borrow. To keep, to mold, to steal, to hold, for as long as you like. It's not a trap of any kind. You're safe with me."

That was all it took, and so he gave in; with the smallest of sighs, Roman closed his eyes, relishing in the moment. "You make me feel... you make me feel," he echoed, almost in disbelief. "It's a painful thing, is it not?"

I dared to let my hand brush down the side of his face, my thumb gently ghosting over his closed lid to feel the softness of his lashes against the pad of my finger. "It doesn't have to be. It could feel really, really good,"

Roman let out a shaky breath against me; "I want that for you," he said, opening his eyes. The green in his eyes shone in the white shimmer of the moonlight, illuminating the intent in his words. "Want to make you feel good... in every way possible." 

Something about the drop in his voice nearly made me shiver-- I couldn't allow myself to, not in his lap. It took a few seconds for me to notice that I was holding my breath, staring back at him with a look on my face which I hoped didn't give away too much. Maybe I had misinterpreted his words? Maybe Roman meant that in a romantic way?

However, with the following upward curve of the corners of his mouth, so small I could barely notice it, I knew my intuition had been right. Roman definitely meant that in a different way. 

... I needed to listen to my intuition more, didn't I?

Roman's hand on my thigh lifted, now removing the vial of blood around my neck to place it on the table nearby; he proceeded to put his palm against my cheek with the gentlest touch, softly caressing my skin with his thumb. This was when it dawned on me that we were alone. Completely alone. Possibly for the first time ever. No interruptions, with no one to hear anything. Had this been a month ago, that fact alone would've been enough to make me jump off his lap, and I would've probably paced up and down along his room with nervous steps to soothe my anxiety. Being alone with him meant that I wouldn't be able to contain my need for him, I was sure of it.

But now? I believed Roman could do that for me. Soothe me. He could calm me down like no other. Now, I knew he wouldn't run off after getting what he wanted-- because now, I knew that what he truly wanted was me. 

"Could you let me do that?" Roman breathed, the green of his eyes finding my lips. I was confused as to how I hadn't melted into his lap already. "Make you feel good?" He leaned forward, just a few inches, now brushing the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip, transfixed. "Or... are you sure you want to do this? Have your first time with someone like me?"

There was something about the fact that he was even asking-- the old Roman would never. "Who else would I have my first time with? It's always been you," My lips parted in a soundless intake of breath, my gaze darting to his plush, pink lips. Like this, I could almost feel them against me; we had kissed so many times that my body remembered the sweet push of his lips simply by gazing at them. Still, I was afraid it would never be enough, and every kiss was as thrilling as the first one. "Just being with you like this feels good already."

Roman hummed, absentminded. "Not what I'm getting at,"

"I know," I breathed. "But I can't help but worry that--" I had to clear my throat, swallowing. Why was I getting so damn nervous? It was getting harder to breathe, and I was sure my cheeks were flushing. "Well... That I won't know what to do."

With a sigh, Roman bit down on his lip to hold back a laugh. "It's your first time, you won't have to do much," Despite his lids hanging heavy over his darkening eyes, I could see the want building in him. "I'll take the lead, okay? You just relax." He steadied me with his palm over my cheek before leaning forward-- my body hitched with caution as he brushed his lips across mine, slanted, until I allowed myself to give in. 

The soft pillow of Roman's lips was the sweetest pressure I had ever known. I could feel my blood heat with the intent of the kiss, and I suddenly got the urge to cross my legs to calm myself down-- I knew I couldn't. Roman's breath fell softly against my cheek as my hands went up into his hair, tugging gently at the tips of his dark locks as I kissed him back with my lips slightly parted, moving against his as though he was whispering me a question.

Maybe I didn't hear it-- maybe it was a warning? Had he actually whispered something, or was I imagining things? Because with the next second, Roman hooked his arm under my knees, lifting me off the chair as I yelped into the kiss. It didn't take long before I eased, telling myself he had lifted me many times before, and that he would never drop me. Never, ever. Roman smiled against my lips, humming just slightly as he carried me bridal-style across the room. It felt silly, cliché, until it dawned on me-- was he playing the cliché out for me? Was this what he perhaps imagined I wanted, something pure, something classically virginal?

In the few seconds our kiss was broken, Roman placed me down on the bed and watched as I giggled; it was impossible not to laugh as the recoil of the springs threatened to bounce me up in the air again. He tsked, now grinning as he made space between my legs, drawing me closer before he kissed me once more. It was bolder this time, pressing the soft fullness of his mouth against mine-- there was nowhere else for me to go but to him. 

My hands wove into Roman's hair again, pulling him closer as my heart thumped hard in my chest. Was this really happening? Or was this maybe something I was imagining, maybe the alcohol hadn't left my system yet? "Rome--"

Before I could continue, his lips were on mine again like a magnet, drawing us together, unable to separate the magnetic forces long enough to let me speak. It was confirmed; he was definitely here. This was real. There was an urgency to Roman's stubborn kisses-- you're mine, just accept it. Being kissed into submission was something I had never imagined was possible, yet here I was, my lips parting with a soft whimper, feeling his tongue against mine; it filled me with a complete and utter satisfaction, a final statement. 

I wanted him to devour me. As I coiled my fingers around Roman's dark hair, tugging him closer, I so desperately wanted only that. To melt into him, to become one-- was that maybe the core concept of sex which I had misunderstood all up until this exact moment? Just the thought of being connected with Roman like that, knowing he could possibly be inside me-- that thought had never evoked the physical reaction in me before as it did now. 

Well, fuck. I realized I was screwed before it had even happened.

Sucking in a sharp breath, the silk of Roman's expensive duvets kept me grounded as he softly groaned into my mouth. His tongue circled mine before gently sucking the tip of it into his mouth, and he listened to my whimpers as he withdrew shortly after, a lone string of saliva still linking us. I was unsure why I was left so speechless, why every little thing he did made me feel like my body was on fire, but I knew there was no rationality in need. The innate need ravaging through your veins. There was no way to make sense of it, and I was certain Roman was aware of that too. Yet suddenly, he was near-motionless, blinking twice as if he was a little lost on what to do, which I immediately thought was odd--

Oh. There it was. I was wondering when that would happen. 

So... Roman wasn't lost. Far from it. Flustered might be a better word-- I felt his erection poke into my stomach, and it made me realize how big his pupils had gotten. That was quick. "Uh... Surprise?" He awkwardly cleared his throat as his green eyes nearly devoured me whole. "Fuck it, there's one thing I want to do before we go on. It'll take a second."

I held my breath-- with Roman, that could mean anything. "... Okay?"

"Don't look so scared," he teased, getting off the bed and walking to his nightstand. In my head, I wondered whether he was grabbing condoms, or whether he was about to impose something kinky on me. I was ready to start my rehearsed lecture on going slow with me, that it was my first time and everything, until my mind blanked at the sight of a... candle?

Roman got a lighter nearby, looking back at me with a trying smile. "You once said that me and sweet don't go together," he explained, lighting the candle. "On our first date, I believe, if we can call it that. The blackmail part of it was probably not ideal, but it counts in my head. Anyway, I thought you might be right about the sweet part... but it doesn't mean I shouldn't try to be."

I was afraid I'd melt much, much faster than that candle. "Don't tell me you went out and bought that candle just for this?"

Roman shrugged, hoping to brush it off. "Well... I was determined to prove you wrong. And I had a candle for my first time, and I guess it eased me a little. But, uh... I think this is actually a funeral candle," 

"I see," I had to contain a laugh. Sitting up, I reached for his fingers as I longed to touch him again; "Well, no one's dead yet, but the night is still young."

Unable to hold it, Roman snorted, placing the lighter back on the nightstand before he interlocked our fingers. "I'm never doing anything like this again, so I suggest you cherish it,"

"What? But now I'm growing fond of the funeral candle, you're breaking my heart!"

Roman rolled his eyes, sinking down on the bed again, and he brought our intertwined fingers above my head. "If that's what I need to do to get you in my bed, I'll buy the whole fucking candle company," 

There was something exciting about the fact that Roman genuinely could. It wasn't just an empty threat. If he got high enough one night, I was sure he'd know who to call. I was surprised to feel he was still hard now that his erection was pressed up against me once more, but I didn't get much time to think about it-- Roman freed one of his hands, and he managed to make his way under my top as he kissed me once more.

My breath hitched against the soft push of his lips as it hit me that I might have to get fully naked for this. Fuck. Okay. Yet my anxiety eased at the thought of him being fully naked too-- I found my hips keening up against him, my need for friction growing with my arousal. 

Roman smiled into the kiss; it was a ravenous feeling. "Impatient?" he asked, barely leaving my lips.

"Yeah," It was merely a breath-- I felt his hand ghost over my bra, slowly tracing the hem. I could barely think, too excited to function anymore.

"No need," Roman pulled away, letting go of the remaining hand above my head as his fingers now toyed with the edge of my top. "We have all the time in the world."

His tone was enough to bring scarlet to my cheeks, but I nodded, swallowing when he bunched the fabric up in his hands and lifted it up and off of me. I raised my arms, pouting just slightly at the loss of contact-- who would've thought I'd get more drunk from kissing Roman than the beer Peter gave me earlier? 

With a sigh, Roman's eyes consumed me; the smirk with which he looked down at me only made me more flustered. "Rome," I whined, reaching my hands out for him. "Stop that, get back here. This isn't anything new." That was true-- me in my bra wasn't a sight he hadn't seen before. 

Roman tsked, sending me a stern look. "You're disturbing my thought process,"

"Your thought process?--"

"Yep," he said, shrugging. "I'm just thinking about how I want to cum right..." Roman trailed a line across my lower abdomen with his finger, using a touch so light it immediately made me squirm. "... here."

The squirming quickly turned into a small shiver, and my hands went straight to my face as my blush deepened. 

There was a change in Roman which was noticeable by the way he lost his smile, lost in whatever images he had in his head as he now leaned back down, pressing eager kisses to the apex of my collarbones. His lips trailed down my body, his fingers digging into the sides of my waist-- his mind was gone. I tugged at his hair as he inched further away, and I whimpered at the sensation of his tongue tracing a circle around my belly button. I never expected myself to like anything like that, but damn-- heaven. This was heaven. 

I was reminded of how much bigger Roman was than me when I was suddenly yanked to the edge of the bed, and I could only yelp as I did nothing to fight it. His hands trailed down the sides of my hips, now hooking his fingers around my panties, not yet taking them off-- instead, he was kissing me through my soaked underwear, humming. 

Christ, this was something I could get used to. I managed to register the fact that he wasn't on the bed anymore, and I propped myself up on my elbows with the last remaining power I had to confirm my suspicions. Roman stopped for a moment, pulling away to glance right back at me; "What?"

"You're... kneeling,"

"... Yeah?"

It didn't register in my head. "You don't kneel for anyone," The Roman Godfrey didn't get on his knees for anyone in the world. In my mind, he thought the world should be kneeling to him, and that he would never stoop so low.

However, the look he gave me in return told me everything I needed to know. Come on, now. Roman pulled my underwear off as he spoke, peeling it down my thighs; "I kneel for you," To him, that was as simple as a fact. The most logical thing in the history of the universe. He didn't even seem to deem the subject worthy of a further conversation, now grabbing my hips to bring me even closer to the edge of the bed as I let out a small squeak. Roman led my legs to hang over his broad shoulders as he leaned forward, rings of desire around his eyes as he licked a broad, flat stripe up my sex.

Fuck-- I did my best not to mewl as my fingers reached for his hair once more, twirling into the soft curls of his hair. "Rome--"

At this point, I was sure he wouldn't hear me no matter how loudly I spoke. Roman sensed I was about to start keening against him, and he pulled my legs back and held my thighs in place as he slicked his tongue in between my slit, mouth moving as though he was pressing deep, heavy kisses against me. I whimpered, my grip on his hair loosening as I felt my conscience slip into its usual drugged-on-Roman state. A very, very dangerous state of mind, if you ask me.

Giving me some time to breathe, Roman moved to leave soft kisses up along the crease of my thighs. "Keep your legs like this, okay?" he said, slowly trailing one hand up my thigh. Roman's finger teasingly tapped my clit, and he turned to watch the thin line of slick connecting the pad of his finger to me. It was hard not to squirm, and I brought one hand up to my mouth to hopefully suppress any noise. "Rome, what are you?--"

Oh. My breath hitched as he eased his slicked middle finger into me, careful to go in with slow strokes. I whined against my hand when Roman's mouth returned to me, sealing his perfect lips around my swollen nub, adding pressure. It was almost too much-- I felt myself clench around his finger when he curled it upwards, just as his lips covered my mound, sucking me in. 

"Christ," I breathed, reaching down to grab a hold of Roman's hair, the slick sounds of his mouth making goosebumps appear along my skin as I contained a shiver. "Shit, Rome, it feels-- so, so good--"

My mindless ramble came to an end with the next hitch of my breath; Roman added another finger, humming against me as an answer. With how nervous I was, it was a tight fit, and the sting that followed made me instinctively tighten my fist in his hair, my skin straining over my knuckles. It was hard to keep still, a string of whimpers escaping my lips. 

My hands shook as Roman continued slowly stroking his fingers into me. I wondered whether he could feel my anxiety seeping into my lust-- it was becoming so real. Roman's green eyes darted up at me, stilling his fingers, giving me time to adjust. He pulled away from me, leaving his digits in me as he spoke; "I'm not gonna last long if you tighten up like that later," 

His words conjured a deep blush to my cheeks, and I brought my hands up to my face to hide. "Sorry," I breathed. "I don't-- don't know what's happening."

Roman shrugged, placing a wet, gentle kiss against the inside of my thigh. "You're nervous. It's normal," His hot breath ghosted over my soaked sex as he moved to the other thigh-- "I think it'll help if I make you cum like this. You'll relax more. And I'll keep my fingers in, get you used to the feeling... Unless you want them out?"

For a man who said he didn't deal with virgins, he certainly knew how to talk one down from the cliff. I let out a shaky breath, peeking down at him past my fingers; "N-No, it's okay,"

Roman seemed to be holding back a laugh; "You look a little spooked,"

"I... do?" Knowing my boyfriend, I knew he probably found that incredibly hot.

"A bit. Wanna stop?--"

"No!" That was a little too quick. Fuck. 

Roman chuckled as he proceeded to bite down on the inside of my thigh with a teasing smirk-- I squeaked, clenching around his fingers. "Good," he purred, leaning forward to press a short kiss to my clit, drawing out another squeak from me. Something told me he liked the sound of my pleasured panic. "It's been some time since the last time you let me do this. I've missed the taste of you."

"... It's been, like, four days,"

Roman let out a groan, and I could see in his eyes that it was building in him-- the innate lust. "A fucking eternity," he breathed, a new rasp appearing in his voice. With that, Roman didn't lose a single second leaning back down, slicking his tongue between my folds, returning to suck down on my clit with a moan. 

Oh, well-- I knew I was done for. Still, knowing his goal was to make me cum, knowing I didn't have to hold back, I let my hands wander back into his hair with a whimper of pleasure. It didn't take long before I clenched around his fingers again, the burn of the stretch subsiding with every flick of Roman's tongue. 

"Fuck," I breathed. "Fuck, fuck--"

Any attempt to speak dissolved into incoherent cries, teetering on the edge while pleasure surged through me like a relentless wave. Still, it didn't take more than two more sucks to ease me over, and I felt my climax drawing out long and slow against Roman's mouth, tightening around his fingers with a whimper. 

My head lolled along the duvets as I tried to catch my breath. With every time Roman did this, it only got better-- it was hard to believe that was even possible. I came to my senses when I felt his fingers slide out of me, the twinge of pain having long passed. 

"Fuck," Roman said, a laugh to his voice as he pressed kisses up along my stomach, getting up from the ground. "Best fucking pussy in the world."

God-- I hid my face again, my blush deepening. That dirty mouth of his. "That was so good," I purred, reaching out for him; "Come here, Rome. I miss you up here."

Chuckling, Roman shook his head, motioning for me to scoot further up the bed. "Just a sec," he said, walking back over to his nightstand, opening his drawer again and shuffling around. I did as told, watching him with a sigh; he was right, that orgasm had relaxed me. However, my zen didn't last long-- I suddenly felt all my muscles tightening when I watched Roman bring the fingers he just had in me to his lips, absentmindedly sucking on them as he now held up a silver wrapper with his free hand as though that was the most normal thing in the world. I also spotted a clear bottle which I could only assume was lube. 

What the fuck? The sight of him doing that made me want to disappear into the bed-- why was the sight so... thrilling? It must've been the look of enjoyment on his face. "Oh, that's hot," I mumbled, my eyes immediately widening with the realization of what I had just blurted out.

Roman cocked a brow as unclasped the vial of my blood around his neck, placing it next to the candle before he got back on the bed, now trailing the residue of spit and slick on his fingers across my thighs. "Well, you taste nice,"

"Not that nice?"

A hum; "Wanna try some, make up your mind?" he asked, a teasing smirk spreading across his plush lips as he brought his hand up to his mouth, wiping off the remnants of my slick to coat his fingers. 

I shivered, grimacing— "No, thanks," Hoping to distract Roman from trying to convince me, I sat up, reaching for the buttons of his shirt. Frankly, I had enough of being the only one that was undressed.

Roman hummed, following my hands with his eyes, grinning from ear to ear as he threw down the condom and the lube somewhere on the bed. "More for me, then," he mumbled, licking my slick off his fingers as he kept his gaze on me-- it didn't take long before he pushed me back down on the bed, unbuttoning the last of his buttons with ease I could never match. 

My heart had probably never worked this hard before in my life. "Rome," I tried, watching him discard his shirt. Fuck-- he was gorgeous. I could feel myself blushing in an instant, shamelessly looking him up and down; I knew he didn't mind. Why was I reacting like this? Roman being breathtakingly handsome wasn't news? "I think... I think--"

"You're still thinking?" Roman's hands gripped my waist as he leaned down, kissing up my torso as I whimpered beneath him, reaching for his hair again. "Stop thinking. No thinking."

"No thinking?" I echoed, giggling as his eager kisses reached my neck, getting ticklish. "You're asking for too much." Now that he was finally close again, I draped my arms around him, trailing my fingers across his broad shoulders with a sigh. Being skin-to-skin like this was my favorite thing in the world-- being connected.

Roman hummed, his erection once again pressing into my lower abdomen. "Either you stop thinking of your own volition..." he said, pulling my chest up against his. "... Or I'll have to fuck your brains out. Your choice."

I shivered, feeling my mind start buzzing. That was a damn easy choice. "That sounds rough," I mumbled, my breath hitching as Roman pressed a kiss to my ear. "You said you'd be gentle..." To be completely honest, this was the part I was nervous about-- would he maybe not be able to be? I was a little scared he'd be like one of those horror-story guys Letha had told me she'd been with, one of those guys that just slap you all of a sudden or start choking you cause they've seen it in porn and think that's normal behavior. 

Roman pulled away, hovering barely an inch above my lips; his breath grazed my cheek, and the green of his eyes were glazed over with a look of confusion. "Am I not being just that?" he asked, nodding to the candle.

Oh-- I turned to the supposed funeral candle. 

It allowed sweet a kiss to my cheek, the tip of his upturned nose pressing into my cheekbone; "Trust me. I wouldn't want to hurt you, you know me,"

He was right-- from the very first moment we got together, he had told me just that.

Still, it was only when I felt Roman's lips against mine with the softest of pressures, that I pushed my concerns away. It was the sort of kiss that made my heart burn, the sort of kiss that made my hands trail up into his hair to keen him closer. I pushed all my thoughts of horror into a heap, churned it in my mental grinder, processed it, and allowed the product of it to slip past my lips; "I want you," I breathed, feeling myself grow needy against him.

Roman hummed, a small roll of his hips onto mine following-- I didn't expect it to make my breath catch in my chest. "I want you too," 

Something in me ignited; I wanted him to do that again. Disoriented, I reached down for the zipper of his jeans, moaning into the kiss that followed. "Want you more," 

Roman smiled; "Not possible," 

At this moment, I was thankful to be made up of solid matter-- if not, I was sure I'd have melted straight into the bed, a puddle of pure horny. I wasn't sure when Roman lost his pants, too consumed in the kiss to function. My state of arousal only heightened when my hips bucked up, feeling the hard outline of his cock between my legs; I was suddenly reminded of the time we did something similar in an alleyway on our first day. But this was different-- this was a direct contact of his clothed length brushing up against my clit with repeating strokes, a motion which had my breath hitching as my nails dug into his shoulders.

Roman let out a soft groan, nipping at my neck as he ground down against me. "This," he breathed. "This is what you do to me. I wanna be in you so fucking bad."

With the next roll of his hips, I whimpered; the buzzing of my mind refused to still. "Have me, then," was all I managed to say, tugging at Roman's hair as the tips of my fingers burned.

What followed happened so fast, I barely registered it. I heard the ripping of the silver wrapping in the midst of our heated kiss, adrenaline and dopamine coursing through my veins as every little sweet word rolling off Roman's tongue filled me with that familiar warm feeling I always got around him.

For this, it was all worth it. All the drama with Letha, all the tears, all the pain-- it was all worth it. 

"You're everything," Roman whispered, rubbing the head of his cock along my soaked sex as my hands skimmed the muscular range of his back. "You're my everything, do you know that?"

God, how I wanted to be one with him. Wanted him in my head, wanted him in me, wanted to melt into him and become one single entity, never to part. From the first moment I met him, from the first moment I laid eyes on him in class, from the first moment he smiled at me, I knew it was Roman. It would always be Roman, it would always, always be Roman for me, and knowing he thought the same of me as well, that I was his everything-- all my longing, everything, had been worth it. Because I was his everything too, finally, just like he had always been mine. 

However, as Roman angled his cock and gently pushed the head in, kissing my cheek with the sweetest touch, I didn't expect the painful, sharp sting-- I wasn't sure how loudly I gasped, how far my nails dug into his back, but I was really damn certain that this hurt. 

Roman was out of me within the blink of a second; "Shit," he breathed, a panicked look in his eyes. "Should've-- Should've warned you."

The sting remained as I did my best to breathe through it. "That's a stretch," was all I managed to say, stroking over where I had scraped his back. 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Roman mumbled, scanning me. He didn't seem bothered by the crescent moons my nails were leaving behind. "You okay?"

"Yeah..."

He cursed under his breath, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "I forgot about this part... My brain doesn't work when you're naked," Roman sighed, reaching for one of the hands I had on his back. "If you want to go on, I might know a way to make it a little easier."

I met his eyes as he brought the back of my hand to his lips; "I guess it's supposed to hurt a little, Roman, just... just do what you usually do, I trust you," Maybe I needed to push through it? I could take a little pain, couldn't I? That was until I remembered the pain again-- it made me clench. Ouch.

With a certain look I knew too well, he shook his head as he now wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "No. It's not supposed to hurt," he said. "And I said I wouldn't hurt you, so..." Roman trailed my hand down along my body, watching as my eyes widened. "In my experience, it helps if you... help."

"Help?"

"Help yourself, so to speak," Roman purred, his signature cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Cause I doubt this will be your first time doing this."

"Doing what?-- Oh," As he placed my hand over my sex, he slid two fingers above mine, guiding me to rub my clit. Roman was right; it wasn't my first time doing that to myself. Still, this was a different feeling-- My hips immediately bucked up into our hands, and when Roman leaned down to kiss me, I knew I was done for. 

Everything felt warm, everything felt right. "Just keep doing that," he whispered, sinking his teeth into my lower lip. "Wanna?-- Again?"

Roman didn't need to use more words than that; I knew what he meant. I nodded, feeling my cheeks redden at the fact that I was touching myself in front of him like this-- however, I didn't have time to think much about it.

Soon, I wasn't the only one touching myself, anyway.

"Should've used this from the start," Roman mumbled, cursing under his breath as he poured a dash of lube on his cock from the clear bottle nearby. "Got too excited... fuck." With a lazy grip, he wrapped his hand around his length, spreading the lube with slow strokes. 

My mind was buzzing.. I watched as Roman's lips parted, a shaky breath escaping him. "It's okay," I tried, rubbing mindless circles around my clit. "It's just me."

"Yeah, and I care about you," Roman's eyes were halfway closed as they met mine, darkened with growing lust. "Ready?"

I nodded-- yeah.

This time, when Roman's cock pushed into me again with the slowest of strokes, the pleasure from my clit dulled the sting. The only thing left to adjust to was the stretch; my breath hitched as my free hand went back up into his hair, wincing against his lips as his thick length stroked me open. 

Roman cursed as his parted lips hovered above mine. He held me tightly against his body, watching out for any signs of discomfort before he spoke; "Shit... This feels better than I--thought," 

My head rolled back against the duvet, breathing against Roman with small heaves. "Rome," I whimpered. "Fuck, this is--" I didn't expect the feeling, didn't expect the tips of my fingers to burn more as I grasped at his hair, didn't expect the way my whole body reacted-- it was different from anything else I had ever felt or thought I could feel. Being filled up by Roman was...

It was everything.

Everything I had ever dreamed of. 

It felt good, it felt right-- I moaned, clenching at the feeling of his cock slowly sinking into me at a steady pace, my body aching with love. This was as gentle as I bet anything like this could possibly be, and I squirmed a bit beneath him, adjusting to the feeling of having his cock inside of me. 

Roman let out a shaky breath, containing the urge to pound into my warmth like I supposed he usually would. "Hurts?"

"No, no-- Ah," 

With his next thrust, Roman kissed up my jaw, keeping every stroke careful. "Want me to put it in all the way?"

"The-- There is more?"

"Baby..." he breathed, containing a choked laugh. "I'm only halfway in."

I was sure I was about to faint. How the fuck?-- No, I couldn't think clearly in this state. No more thinking. I decided to trust him; I knew Roman would pull back if it hurt, anyway. "Okay... Let's try,"

As Roman pushed in more of his length, the quiet moan escaping him blended in with my string of panicked whimpers. I didn't even know I had space inside me for more-- my eyes sprung open, my legs giving into a tremble. "Rome, I-- a-ah, this is--"

"Shh, look at me, breathe," Roman brought his hand to my face, guiding me to look into his eyes. His voice was soft, caring; "You okay? Is this too much?"

The shock was the thing that had gotten to me, I was sure of it. Because after a few more deep strokes, a few tighter circles around my clit, my fear eased as I realized this was a sensation I would be chasing for the rest of my life.

"Feels good?" Roman asked, his voice nearly breaking-- I imagined it was hard to not give in to the pleasure of the tight embrace around his cock.

Still, I could only nod, twisting my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him towards me to smother him with a heated rush of my lips against his, moaning into the kiss as I pulled my hand from between my legs-- it was starting to brink the line of overstimulation. 

"Good," Roman muttered against my mouth. 

The kiss didn't last too long; my shock was still coming and going in waves. "I'm-- we're having sex," I blurted out, my cheeks flaring red. The truth was hitting me like a blow to the head. The thing I had dreamed about since the first day I laid eyes on him was actually happening.

Roman contained a laugh, looking rather endeared by my realization; "Yeah, you're doing it, you're having sex... I'd give you a high five, but-- hah, that wouldn't work,"

Why were we laughing? Why was this... fun?

Caught between the fire in my chest, the twinge of humor, and the ache pulsing low between my legs, I whimpered as I realized I wanted-- no, needed more. Still, a small, meek call of his name was all I managed to stutter out.

Roman shifted, pushing my body so that my knees were bent at his sides; "Speak your mind," 

How was I supposed to conjure a cohesive sentence in this state? "I want-- you, more--"

"We're going-- hah, back to that?" 

"Not that! More, Rome-- just, more, I need--"

He let out a breathy moan, smiling back down at me; he knew exactly what I meant. "Thank God," Roman's cock filled me over and over, his thrusts growing harder, faster as he found a steady pace to rock into me. "You're taking me so good, aren't you?"

My head felt like it was spinning. This couldn't be real. I couldn't possibly be as lucky as to finally sleep with Roman Godfrey. 

His voice brought me back; "You're doing so well," he murmured, burying his face into the crook of my neck, muffling a quiet moan against my skin. It was the most magical of sounds-- my heart was threatening to beat out of my chest, and I was sure the warmth of skin against mine probably helped with the overheating of my brain. "Doing so, so well for me... I've wanted you like this for so long."

"Me too," I breathed, my hips keening to take his thrusts. "Wanted you-- since forever."

My words only seemed to reel him on; Roman hips snapped harder into me as I whimpered. "Forever?" 

"Forever-- a-ah,"

Something in Roman's breathing changed. It was almost as though I could read his thoughts, feel his new reality form. Was it maybe the last push he needed to believe I was his till death? That there was a person out there walking this earth, breathing the same air, that could possibly want to be with him for an eternity? "Forever," he breathed, latching onto my neck with repeated needy kisses in an attempt to drown out the noises threatening to spill past his lips. "You and-- and I, forever."

As Roman's cock repeatedly pushed into me, I could only whimper; the stretch was still something to get used to, and my nails bit into his back as I tried to steady myself. "Forever," I managed to breathe out, hearing him moan into my neck at the sharpness of my nails against his back-- I knew he'd like that. I knew Roman too damn well. 

"Forever," he echoed, breath washing warm against my ear as he raised himself, his cheek nuzzling mine in an intimate embrace. 

I clenched around the girth of his cock, shivering. This was so unbelievably sweet, nothing I had ever expected from him. Roman was so much taller, and his broad build served as a comforting weight through the wave of new pleasure my body tried to comprehend. With the next surge of love washing over my chest, the next pump of Roman's cock, I felt my chin give in to an involuntary quiver as I gripped him tighter. 

It was at this moment that it truly dawned on me;

I loved him. 

I loved Roman Godfrey.

Tears swarmed my eyes as one of my hands went up into his soft hair, hoping he'd take it as an urging for him to kiss me again. I didn't want to have a chance to talk, to blurt it out and scare him away-- which is why, when Roman shifted and crashed his lips against mine, I only felt relief. 

I was safe. I was cared for. And damn, I felt good. 

However, what I hadn't expected, was for the shift of angle to brush past a spot inside of me I had only ever felt when Roman's fingers curled into me. But this was far greater, far more stimulating-- I let out a choked moan against Roman's lips, my eyes springing open as my head tilted back into the duvet, heaving for air as my legs gave in to a tremble. 

I didn't have to look up at him to know the exact look on his face, yet I dared to take a peek; he was too hot to resist. And there it was, those parted, perfect lips paired with that dark look in his green eyes of victory. This is exactly what he had wanted to reduce me to all along, wasn't it? Roman's hair had never been this messed up (courtesy of my hands), and the sheer look of it nearly made my heart swell. "Good tears?" he asked with a whisper, scanning the look in my eyes.

Fuck, yeah. I could only nod. 

Knowing Roman, I was wondering when he'd-- oh, hello, you. I was waiting for the eventual switch. A man like Roman Godfrey couldn't stay sweet forever. 

At the sight of my tears, I knew something new in him ignited. He placed a hand over my mouth, placing more of his weight on me as his other hand pulled me tighter against him, the wet snaps of his cock pushing into me growing louder as I moaned out against his palm. "Listen to this," he purred, a sinister smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he made me listen to the sound of our union. "This is sex, you're damn right. This is what you'll be craving from me." 

God-- I squeezed my eyes shut, the continuous push of the tip of Roman's cock against my sweet spot inside sending my brain into a frenzy. 

"I get why you've been reserved... You'll never be who you were before this again," With a grunt, the next snap of his hips only grew harder, knowing I could take it and adjust. It certainly didn't help the tremble of my body. "Gonna get you fucking addicted to this feeling. To me. Cause you've given yourself to me now, do you-- do you realize that?"

My wet lashes fluttered as I slowly dared to open my eyes, my heart thumping harder than ever before. If only he knew how addicted I already was. 

"This is it," Roman breathed, the green hues of his gaze engulfing me; "This is us. This is you. This is who you are from now on. My girl... Only mine. Forever. Gonna help you cum on this cock, okay? Gonna give you the first time you deserve, h-hah--"

Something about the look in his eyes unnerved me, despite the hot nature of his words-- What? There were many ways for him to make me cum, surely, but the second my fingers started numbing up, my mind started flaring red with a passage from my most hated book;

The upir's ability to mesmerize is an ancient and powerful form of psychic influence, capable of bending a victim's will. This control often manifests subtly, with suggestions that feel like one's own thoughts. If one is being mesmerized by a upir, it is often accompanied by a stilling of one's inner monologue, or a numbing sensation. Prolonged exposure can lead to disorientation, memory lapses, and a gradual erosion of autonomy. The key to resisting lies in anchoring oneself to reality—through pain, strong emotions, or focusing on a meaningful object. Beware: once under an upir's thrall, distinguishing truth from illusion becomes a perilous challenge.

Beware. 

Beware.

The last time my fingers had numbed up like this, was the time Roman forced me to tell him what had happened between Jasmine and I. It felt like the autonomy of my thoughts evaporated, seeped out of my ears, and disappeared into Roman's grasp. 

However, at this moment right now, this moment of blinding pleasure and complete rapture of my soul and love, I wanted nothing more but this. I knew I wasn't being mesmerized of course, because upirs weren't real-- but as Roman kept my face still and my eyes on him, it felt like it. It was almost like I heard him telling me to cum. A few more thrusts were all it took, the complete transfixion of Roman's unnaturally dilated pupils swallowing me as I only saw green, green, green-- his hand quickly left my mouth to hear me cry out, a choked moan escaping me as the fear toppled me. This was an orgasm unlike anything else I had experienced, and I felt myself pulse around Roman's length, practically milking his cock as I struggled to grapple with the most intense climax of my life. "Fuck-- Fuck!" I whimpered, my nails digging further into his back as tears welled in my eyes. 

The mere sight of it was enough for Roman to nearly buckle over, and I was ripped out of the trance, heaving for air as he spilled into the condom, teeth grazing my shoulder as he tried to bite back his moans of pleasure, hips keening into my tight warmth. 

I slowly slid my hands off Roman's broad back, realizing we had both dripped sweat onto each other's skin as I hoped my breath would soon go back to normal. My body ached in a way it had never ached before, and I winced as Roman eventually pulled out of me with a sigh. 

There was a long moment after he rolled off of me where we simply gazed at each other. I watched the heave of his chest, the way his brown hair laid over his dangerous green eyes, and wondered how on earth I had been so lucky as to have him fall for me too.

However, suddenly, amid my awe, a small droplet of blood gathered at Roman's nose. To my surprise, he was completely unbothered. The look in his eyes told me he had an inkling this would happen, and it further confused me.

I leaned forward to wipe away the blood pooling at his upper lip with my thumb. "You're bleeding," I echoed, aware that I was stating the obvious.

Roman's eyes softened; "Are you, though?"

"... What do you mean?"

Shifting, he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer as his other hand slid between my legs, sliding a finger against the wetness of my sex as I squirmed, a short giggle escaping me as I nuzzled up against him. Roman then scanned his finger as I continued to wipe away the stream of blood coming from his nose, watching as it smeared against his cheek. He hummed; "You didn't bleed. At least that's good?"

"I guess?"

Roman kissed my bloodied thumb, a shaky breath escaping him at the taste of the iron; "How was that for you? You okay?"

If only he knew. "You were great," I purred, nipping at his jaw. "It was lovely, Rome."

He let out a breath; "Thank fuck," Roman murmured, visibly relieved. "And you were really damn sweet. I knew those fuck-me eyes would be the death of me... Sorry if it got a little intense at the end, there."

"No, no, that was-- fuck, that was so hot,"

Roman smiled. My sweet boy. Another kiss; "But now, there's one thing I wanted to do." He propped himself up on his elbow, and I closed my eyes as he made sure I laid with my back against the bed-- I was too tired to focus. The ache between my legs refused to subside, making me worried about the state of my thighs tomorrow. They better not fucking cramp up with every step, similar to the day after a hard session at the gym.

And just as I was about to ask him to return to me, to stop doing whatever the fuck he was doing, I suddenly felt a warm, slick substance drip onto my lower abdomen. With a gasp, I snapped out of my drowsiness, only to be met with the sight of Roman holding the condom above my stomach with a devilish grin, letting the content pour down on me.

He chuckled at the sight of my widened eyes, my speechless state-- "Didn't manage to cum here, as I said... so this will do,"

"Roman, for fuck's sake!" 

"What? You look good with my cum all over!--"

"Roman!"

"Fine!" he huffed. "Gonna go grab some wipes, I'll be right back. Anything else you need? Water?"

I wondered whether Roman realized how sweet he was being-- I glanced over at the candle flickering in the moonlight, the vial of my blood lying neatly next to it. The sight made my heart swell; God, how I loved him. It killed me that he couldn't know. I knew he'd run in the other direction if he did. "Water would be nice," I breathed, watching as Roman got dressed again. 

It all hit me like a wave, now;

The first time I got my heart broken, I had been at fault. 

The first time I got a black eye, I had swung the first punch.

But the first time I had sex? It had thankfully been with the man I loved. Still, I was sure the cosmic imbalance would catch up to me again and drag me back down into the dirt soon enough. 

But not right now.

Not right now.

Here, I was safe with Roman. The universe couldn't get me now, no-- not with the equivalent of the moon lying next to me. He had returned to me in no time, holding me close in his nearly immediate slumber after having lent me a shirt of his to sleep in. The cosmos wouldn't dare to touch me now. 

I adjusted the cover on top of us, kissing Roman's forehead; "Are you sleeping?" I whispered, poking his cheek with the gentlest of touches. 

No response. Phew. 

And just as I started to fade into sleep as well, I ran my thumb across the softness of his cheek. I connected our foreheads with a content sigh before I pressed my lips against his in a loving kiss. Roman looked so peaceful-- the universe wouldn't dare to take me now, wouldn't dare to wake him up. 

"I love you," I whispered like I would be put to death if I awoke him. With one last glance at the candle, my heavy lids fluttered as my heart cried;

"I love you,"

(a/n: thank you SO MUCH for reading this monster of a chapter!!<33 if you've made it all the way down here, here are all the other chapters if you're interested!!<33 MWAH)

PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11

tagging those that seemed interested!!<333

@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx

@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt

@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani

@virgosapphire79 @star-girl-04 @veyzus @ddipotassium @pecxiebu

@mil88691 @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @katifefe @sn0wybowie-blog

@lilithskywalker @likecherriesinthespring @sadheartjellyfish @vadersangel

@shehangsbrightly @burningmiraclekingdom @dollforaswan @austinswhitewolf

@nico-velvet @shiiiii-okayyyy

[hellfirenacht]

Anomaly Part 4

Summary: You can talk to anyone in school with no problem. At least, anyone who’s not named Eddie Munson.

Tags: Anxious-ish!Reader but not shy, one sided pining, no use of y/n, fem!reader, one sided enemies to lovers, fem!reader

Word Count: 2.2k words

Master List

“The only reason she didn’t smack you was because she broke her arm.” Gareth said before downing the rest of his soda and crunching it on the table. 

“I didn’t do anything to warrant a smacking.” Eddie said, crossing his arms. This had gone on for the past few minutes, where the guys had been hounding him about being seen with you and an ex-cheerleader. “I was a gentleman and carried her books to the cafeteria.” 

“She looked terrified to be seen with you.” Gareth was reaching for one of Jeff’s tater tots and yelped as his hand was smacked away. 

“So what else is new? Everyone’s afraid of Eddie except us.” Grant shrugged which caused the rest of the table to laugh before Eddie shot them a look that made them all shut up. 

It was a blessing and a curse being the Freak of Hawkins High. Eddie knew that most people were afraid of him here, and that’s what he liked. Having people scared of him, or at least apprehensive of him, made it easier to keep an eye on his club. People moved out of the way when he moved through the hallways now, unlike his first four years of high school when he was pushed around. 

Maybe it was because after that first senior year, Eddie had hit another growth spurt and looked more adult than most of the students. Wayne had once made a dry joke that if he cut his hair and wore a nice shirt for once he’d be mistaken for a teacher. Eddie had taken that personally and had spent his last few dollars on a metal WASP pin that weekend. 

Eddie knew he looked dangerous to the average student, and a criminal to the average teacher. When Eddie looked in the mirror, he just saw himself. 

“Did she say why she saved your ass from being expelled?” Dustin piped in, stealing one of Gareth’s tater tots while he was still trying to take Jeff’s. 

“No, but she said she fell to distract everyone over the fact that Miles shit himself during the pep rally.” Eddie deadpanned. 

“That’s the closest you’ll ever get to talking to a cheerleader, congratulations, Eddie.” Jeff said, with a mouth full of tater tots, finding it easier to shove them all in his mouth at once rather than spend the rest of lunch fending off Gareth. 

“Ex-cheerleader.” Eddie said without thinking. He wondered if Stacy blamed him for what happened. She didn’t seem pissed at him though, then again you seemed to dislike him enough for the both of you.  

“Exactly.” 

Quickly losing interest in this whole topic, Eddie pulled out his cassette player, removed the batteries, gave them a good shake and put them back in before pushing play. The rest of the club went back to talking about other things. As for Eddie, he had been listening to the same damn song for a week to get the riff right. With the rest of the club growing sick of the song, it gave Eddie an excuse to bow out of the conversation for a moment. 

He glanced back over at the table you were at for just long enough to see you and Stacy having a heated debate about something. What was it that got you so passionate right now? 

You looked frustrated, but you usually did when he was around. 

The rest of the day passed by at a snail's pace, with the days getting longer outside now and with how close he was to the end of the school year it was hard to keep momentum up. Eddie had come into this school year swinging, determined to pass those last few classes and get the hell out of here. But like anything that wasn’t D&D or music, the longer things went the harder it became. 

Senioritis was already bad, but for a 3rd year in a row? This was getting ridiculous. 

He thought back to this past summer where he sucked it up and signed up for summer school. Two classes over two months to show that he could count to twenty without taking his shoes off and say that Hitler was the one who killed Hitler and that gave him two shiny credits under his belt so that this year he only had to worry about Science and the PE class he had been skipping since middle school.

As much as it sucked, it was quick and easy and Eddie really just wished that regular school was as easy as summer school was. At least in summer school he was with the rest of the burnouts and future flunkies. No one there gave two shits about popularity. 

The final bell rang and he made his way to the parking lot towards his van. If there was one thing that his dad did right by him, it was leaving Eddie his van. His band and this piece of junk was his ticket out of Hawkins as soon as he had that diploma. 

Eddie passed the buses, taking the long way around as it was a surprisingly warm day for early Spring. 

His mind was distracted, wandering to the next time Corroded Coffin would practice- he needed to tune his guitar first, and check to make sure the amp was going to live to see another show, call Ronnie and-

THUMP

“Watch it!” Eddie turned and snapped as someone shoulder checked him as they rushed to the bus behind them. It was reflex, the past two years he’d dealt with this bullshit less and less and he wasn’t about to let it go now.

Eddie stopped as he made eye contact with you. You were gripping your arm and staring him down, caught between a snarl and a deer in the headlights. He met your gaze unflinching, until you blinked first and looked away. 

“Sorry.” you said before running onto the nearest bus. 

Shit. You probably hadn’t meant to actually shoulder check him. You had apologized, albeit reluctantly. If there was one thing he could give you credit for, you never went out of your way to be outright cruel to him. You just... didn’t like him. He could live with that for the next few months. 

Still, the sight of you running onto the bus stirred up the memory of the first time he remembered seeing you this past summer. You were always the first person on the bus in summer school. Guess that hadn’t changed. 

---

As long as you kept your headphones on and had a window seat, the bus wasn’t the worst thing in the world. You missed the freedom of being able to drive to and from school, stopping at gas stations for snacks or going to downtown Hawkins just to loiter around the shops. 

The first day on the bus was as peaceful as one could hope. Your personal mixtape was buzzing in your ear, you stared out the window as your peers were dropped off groups at a time at different stops. Some had parents waiting for them, some didn’t. You knew yours wouldn’t be. As soon as you hit freshman year, they swapped to the night shift deeming you old enough to take care of your own dinner, on your second round of summer school you saw them even less. 

Eddie was also held back, that wasn’t exactly a secret in the school and he could hardly pass as a pimple ridden teen anyway. That was also one of the reasons you seemed to gravitate to him. But while everyone knew about Eddie’s schooling history, having come to Hawkins late in your high school career, it allowed you a bit of extra discretion. Stacy was the only one who knew this was your second round of senior year. 

Your arm throbbed under your cast on the way home today, your face burning from embarrassment that you had almost had a nice conversation with Eddie earlier, but now he thought you shoulder checked him. You thunked your forehead against the window with a sigh. 

Eddie didn’t talk to you until the following Wednesday when the two of you were cornered by your teacher after the bell rang. You could see the look in Ms. Benson’s eyes what she wanted to talk about, but why was Eddie involved?

Ms. Benson handed Eddie his last paper, a C- scribbled at the top. Passing, but barely. Salt in the wound to you, and you looked down at your cast, picking at it. 

“You’re phoning it in, Mr. Munson.” she said. “I know that you don’t need this class to finally graduate but I don’t like mediocre work.”

You didn’t like that he was getting lectured when you were right there. Where was the decorum? The dignity? You wanted to crawl into the linoleum. 

Ms. Benson turned to you before Eddie could say anything. “You didn’t turn your paper in.” she said blatantly. She might as well have turned to Eddie and told him directly that you were a lazy dumbass. 

“I broke my wrist.” you said, more to the signature of Allie from gym class than to your teacher. If you had done literally anything else in class this year, then maybe that excuse could have worked, but you hadn’t and it didn’t. 

Ms. Benson took a look at you both and let out a long sigh. “I’m giving you both a chance to fix this.” she said. “I’m willing to offer you both extra credit to give you either a bonus on your final papers or replace a missing one.”

It was a good deal, a very very generous offer. Too generous-

“And what’s the catch, Ms, B?” Eddie asked skeptically. 

“I need volunteers for Spring Day.” she said. “You help with that, and I’ll give you the extra credit.” 

Spring Day was basically a free day where kids could either skip school or come for a slack off day. There were games, events happening at the gym, fields, and library, catered lunches, and plenty of ways to sneak off. 

“Sorry, no can do.” Eddie said. “I was banned from Spring Day. I have a hot date with in school suspension and you know how Higgins hates it when I cancel on him like that.” 

“I already cleared it with him.” Ms. Benson said, shocking Eddie. “As long as you stay away from the balloon pop booth.”

You saw Eddie smirk out of the corner of your eye. “I was framed, I swear.” 

“Of course you were.” She said dismissively. “So,I expect both of you to show up after school on Mondays and Wednesdays to meet me to help set this up. We only have a few weeks, and the budget is tight.”

Well, there was clearly no choice now. Just like that, you were now being volun-told to help with the one day a year you didn’t feel guilty about doing jack shit. 

“...Go away now.” Ms. Benson said, and you and Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. You turned tail and damn near ran out of the room. 

You were at your locked, struggling with the damn lock when you heard a voice next to you. “Do you think humiliation was also part of the extra credit, or are we just lucky?” 

Eddie had followed you to your locker, he was the last person you wanted to see after that. “I guess.” you mumbled, awkwardly shoving books in as you grabbed your lunch. 

You could handle feeling judged by teachers and your fellow students. That was the norm since you were a kid. God, Eddie was on his sixth year! Why did you care what he thought about you? Wouldn’t he understand better than anyone at this school what you were dealing with? 

You closed the locker harder than you meant to and Eddie winced. Shit. You had to say something to ease the tension. 

“...What did you do to the water balloons?” You asked, looking at him. Eddie smiled wide at you. 

“Allegedly I added some fun food coloring to the water.” he shrugged. “I didn’t think this school hated red and black so much.” 

You cracked a smile despite yourself. “It’s not exactly school colors.” 

“It’s not.” Eddie agreed, messing with one of his rings. His eyes darted past you, and you looked over to see Stacy walking over. 

“Eddie.” she nodded with a pleasant smile. Maybe too pleasant? No, that’s weird to think about your best friend. 

“Stacy.” Eddie nodded back. 

You had a weird feeling that there was a conversation going on, that you were in the middle of. You tried to shake off the thought, Stacy knew everyone. Stacy had a way of making everyone feel important, plus she was super pretty. You couldn’t blame Eddie for looking at her, and you tried to squash that glob of jealousy. Stacy was your best friend, she wouldn’t make a move on the guy you’ve been pining over. 

Stacy turned to you. “We’re sitting outside today with Nancy. She wants to interview me for the school paper.” 

“Wheeler?” you asked. “Uh, sure.” Stacy had so many damn accolades you didn’t bother asking which one she was being interviewed for. You’d read about it later. “Uh, see you on Wednesday, I guess, Eddie.”

“Yeah, see ya.” Eddie agreed as Stacy lead you away. 

“Wednesday?” she whispered with a glint in her eyes. “The second we turn the corner you’re talking.”

----

2 posts in one day?! Yeah lol. This fic is pure stream of consciousness so even I barely know what's happening. I have a vague idea of story beats bot otherwise this fic is always hot off the press lol.

Tag List:  @eddiemunsonfuxks @kirsteng42 @strangereads @pedroschka @generoustrashpeach

@sheneedsrocknroll92 @cyanfairywren @crocworkships @tomtomslongdong @aphrogeneias

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@veemoon @mrsrdlw @eddieheart @bambibiest @mylovelycrazyworld

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@amieinghigh

[alextydaisuda123]

Pepperman PT + MLP Creepypasta [WARNING!: Lots of text] Let's admit honestly that MLP Creepypasta has already become a separate fandom, existing separately from MLP itself, whose stories are one better than the other. I've had an image of Pepperman in the role of "Lil Miss Rarity" in my head for a long time. Why her? Well, explanations in the studio! 👏 1. There is something in common between the characters of both, and both are creative natures and love themselves; 2. Both have cats (this is not a reason, but just a fact); 3. I can imagine Pepperman as the same sado-masochist, but in his "role"; 4. Let's admit that Pepperman can be a "Daddy" too 🌚✨️ 5. Lil Miss Rarity used to be one of my favorite creepypastas (which I only knew a quarter of, it turns out, because the rest of the story was shrouded in darkness for me for many years, and... I just didn't understand the rest of the events when I learned the rest of the story, so for me only a part of it exists and that's enough for me). Well, if I explain the image, then... I took from the original Lil Miss Rarity only scars with scratches and a black eye. As for the brand, sorry, but I removed it, because there is nowhere to put it on Pepperman, but the question is, would he have made it as a "sign of devoted and mutual love of fans and himself", the answer is "yes", damn it!>:) For some reason I wanted to remove his shoes and gloves, exposing his paws and hands, replacing them with something else (I don't know what it is, like... the remains of his shoes and gloves? I have no idea how to explain this😐), like for the sake of convenience and "beauty". As for the doll, I'll go into a little more detail about it, because I slightly changed the events in the story, if Pepperman were like Rarity. I'll start with the fact that the wounds were not left by his kitten Chili (because he, logically, is a kitten, not aggressive and physically cannot scratch him), but by Noise, who ruined his paintings and statues once again. During the fight, Phil got injured and he killed Noise, and in fear and panic, in order to cover his tracks, he made a doll of Noisette because of Noise's connection with her (now Noisette's phrase: "You will always be in my heart" played with irony, lol) and placed his heart there, hid the remains (he does not remember where), and disguised the blood as paint (which he later drew with due to carelessness, but from there came the pleasure of drawing with this, and then a tendency to cruelty). Don't ask what I smoked to come up with this, I just wanted to speculate on this topic, to bring his image to at least some logic. And finally, I made the style of the drawing almost like from the comic about Lil Miss Rarity herself. I thought it was appropriate here. Yes, I didn't color Pepperman himself, he was originally in b/w, but I colored him in digital format, just to show the approximate shades of his palette as a whole. Is this necessary at all? 🤔 No, but if someone was still interested in finding out, here it is. And while I was drawing, I listened to 2 songs dedicated to this creepypasta (and I took the phrase written next to it from the song and replaced the word "mommy" with "daddy". So yes, now we have a cruel, but "loving" daddy😏.

Color version:

[blueesnow]

Mikaze Ai Voicelines Translation from Event Log

-All of this voicelines are from the Event Log (with both Mini Event and Talk section) on each of the Idol page. If you want to collect all of the other talk voicelines, you have to touch the background of the room (or rather anything other than the boys themselves) because touching them will only just trigger their skinship voicelines.

-If you ever see a blank one on the list, it's probably because I still haven't triggered and collected them or I just don't have their cards. I hope you can wait for the update until I finally collect them, or if any of you already have them it would be helpful if you could send me the SS of the missing voiceline so I could fill in the list 🙏

-Also the translations might not be fully accurate since I'm not that fluent on jp/en, so if i ever made a mistake do correct me🙏

Mini Event:

Tokiya's Birthday Celebration (Ai) Year 1: Ai: Happy Birthday, Tokiya. Although you always look serious but sometimes you also have a childish side as well, I think it's good though. Tokiya: Is that so…? But if Mikaze-san said so, then I'm sure it's a compliment, isn't it. Thank you very much. Reiji's Birthday Celebration (Ai) Year 1: Ai: Since it's your birthday, why don't you show a bit of your maturity? Anyway, congratulations Reiji. Reiji: Ai-Ai, thank you~! Don't get burned while looking at the grown-up Rei-chan, okay☆ Ah, don't ignore me!

Talk:

Talk Morning Topic: If you still haven't woke up yet, shall I be the one who manage your private time? Fufu, I'm just kidding. Talk Afternoon Topic: During the interview, they asked me on how do you approach someone that you like. Since they might be asking lots of question I went ahead and answered it but, what about you? Talk Evening Topic: Shall I go and make you a herbal tea? It smells really good and it'll help you to relax too. Talk Night Topic: Maybe I should try to practice singing a lullaby too. It'd be helpful to expand my singing range and it'd also be perfect to do it on the times when you can't fall asleep. Talk Summer Topic: I want to create a summer like memories with you…will you go with me? Of course you can leave all the planning to me.

Talk 1: I don't mind being relied on. If there's anything that you'd like to know, you can go ahead and ask me. Talk 2: Can you tell me your definition of what you think "cool?" looks like? Why you ask, I'm just a bit interested in it, that's all. Talk 3: I'm so happy to hear that everyone's listening to my song. You could say I'm also looking forward to it too. Talk 4: I think it's better to have a solid set schedule. If you move on time, there would be less waste and it'll be much more efficient. Talk 5: I guess you could say that the memories that I've accumulated during both of my private and work time are like my treasures. I cherish each and every one of them deep in my heart. Talk 6: There are still so many things that I don't know about everyone from QUARTET NIGHT. They're always full of surprises so you'll never get bored of them. Talk 7: The good thing about QUARTET NIGHT is the fact that we don't interfere with each other too much. It's so that we won't be too dependent on each other. Talk 8: To me, singing is just the same thing as being alive. It's something that's natural and essential. Talk 9: No matter what kind of performance it is, I'll always do it perfectly. Because I think that's how I show my sincerity to the people who come and watch me. Talk 10: After the recording of the show, I was given a commemorative group photo of the cast members. Seeing them somehow made me reliving those memories again, so I guess it wasn't that bad at all.

Talk 11: There was happened to be a mechanical trouble at work, but I'm relieved that I managed to help out. It's my specialty after all. Talk 12: I sometimes find a rare flower too even in the city centre. Seeing them bloom so strongly made me want to take a picture of it. Talk 13: I often get praised for being calm and reliable. I guess you could say that's one of my good points. Talk 14: While I was researching something, I happened to come across a passionate-filled review about my song. As I thought seeing that really made me happy. Talk 15: During the previous photoshoot, there was a mistake in regarding the size of Ranmaru's costume. Both the sleeves and hem of it were too short it made such an interesting sight. Talk 16: I usually spend my day off at home. Sometimes I try to make plans for a mountain climbing and it's quite fun. Talk 17: Looks like a new content has been added to the online game. I can't wait to play it soon. Talk 18: I was surprised when I saw Reiji quieter than usual on the site. It looks like he's in the middle of the game where you can't speak anything but in English. Talk 19: Observing people means that I could utilize what I have noticed from them and apply it to myself. That's why it's interesting. Talk 20: If only there could be a machine that can understand people's feelings…I'm sure people can't help but had thoughts of that before. Besides it would be much more efficient if there were.

Talk 21: Even during break time, I never forget to go collecting and analyzing data. There might be a chance when I can use it on my next job after all. Talk 22: Live performance is the place where I realize just how much I want to be liked by everyone. That's why I don't want to make even the slightest mistake. Talk 23: According to the data that I have, there's a high possibility that I'll be able to meet you again tomorrow. Is it okay for me to have expectation? Talk 24: A new week is about to begin. Let's make sure to plan things out properly and carefully. You can do it, can't you? I believe in you. Talk 25: I guess the bags that I own are mostly backpacks. They're easy to carry heavy things around and, more than anything, they're convenient because they keep both of my hands free. Talk 26: There's something that I want to confirm with you… Hm? Normally you'd always respond right away… How unusual. (when you ignore him) Talk 27: Hmm, now I'm more than curious to try and check just how far along you'd notice. Let's poke her around a little bit more. (when you ignore him) Talk 28: Hm, are you already done with your work now? Since you're so concentrated on it… No, it's not like I'm sulking or anything. (after you're done ignoring him) Talk 29: …I guess you finally noticed after how many long I've been staring at you huh. Looks like I manage to collect an interesting data. (after you're done ignoring him)

About Otoya: Otoya's not afraid of anything at all huh. I often saw him approaching his co-stars and talking to them. About Masato: Masato's sewing skills are amazing. It feels as if he can make everything. Maybe I should try to make something with my own hands too. About Natsuki: I always tell Natsuki each time I found something that he might likes. Like a cute goods or something. About Tokiya: Having a discussion with Tokiya is interesting. Since he's so knowledgeable, we can talk about lot of things from many different angles. About Ren: Ren also plays an online game, and I think our tastes are pretty similar. Though we both have a different playstyle. About Syo: When I go shopping with Syo, he tends to recommend me things that I'd never choose myself. But after that they ended up suits me well. About Cecil: Although Cecil is usually calm, he often panics in front of a fish. He's honest even when it comes to things he's not good at. About Reiji: Whenever there is a trouble happening, Reiji always rephrases it around in an optimistic way. In a way that part of him always help us out. About Ranmaru: He always try to repay anything that he borrowed, no matter how small it is. Ranmaru's sense of duty is one of his good points. About Camus: Out of all the members of the group, Camus is probably the one that I get along well with. He's a very well-informed person and that's why he's interesting.

Skinship 1: It's not that I hate it but… did you forgot that I'm supposed to be your Senpai? (touching head) Skinship 2: Shall I pat your head as well? You don't mind if I do it two times more than you did, right? (touching head) Skinship 3: Wait… what's wrong all of a sudden? Skinship 4: What kind of psychology is it behind poking my cheek? Skinship 5: That's quite a strange hobby you have. Are you the type who's more interested in upper arms? (touching arms) Skinship 6: I'm your Senpai after all, so you can always rely on me. Skinship 7: Hey… I'd be in a trouble if you did something irregular out of sudden. Skinship 8: Even if you didn't do that, I'd still listen to your story. Skinship 9: My opinions? Not in particular. Skinship 10: Next time it's your turn to get tickled. I'd like to collect a data for that. Skinship 11: Well then, I'm going to have to pay that back more or less the same amount of times than what you did to me.

Approach 1: As much as I'm having fun watching you, it seems like the data that I have is not enough. You'll surely help me out, won't you? Approach 2: I wonder why did you become so red like that just because I got closer to you, hm? I hope you can tell me the reason of it. Intimacy lvl-up 1: I don't mind spending time with you. It also feels like I gained new emotions from that too. Intimacy lvl-up 2: Huh, I didn't know you could make that kind of face too. Of course that only happens when you're with me, right? Intimacy Limit Release: I received your feelings. (Your) Birthday Celebration 1: Ai: You seem to be in a pretty good mood today. Somehow your face seems like you're waiting for me to say something to you. Ai: …Just kdding, there's no way I would forget about it. Happy birthday. I've been meaning to tell you that. Ai: I want to spend time with you for as long as I can for today. This is also one of your Senpai's order, I won't ever let you say no, okay?

This one is not listed, but here's a voiceline if you're trying to leave him:

Are you going somewhere now? I just need a few more minutes of your time. Can't I?

Bonus Voicelines from URs/SRs:

"Letter of Journey" Mikaze Ai Talk 1: There are so many things that I want to tell and show you. I want to walk through the same time as you. "Letter of Journey" Mikaze Ai Talk 2: The music that you gave always taught me of something that's important and dear to me. I'll never forget to always give out my thanks to you. "Be Elegant!" Mikaze Ai Talk 1: I'm happy to hear you talk about the thoughts that you put into that song. I'm also the first one who heard about it too, right. "Be Stylish!" Mikaze Ai Talk 1: Both of your reactions and mine were a little different than what I had expected. But somehow it left such a pleasant feeling in my heart. "Lavender king" Mikaze Ai Talk 1: Fighting for the sake of peace, huh. I wonder if Ai also had someone important that he wanted to protect as well. Just like how you are to me, for example.

[mementoboni]

[part 1/4] DIR EN GREY WOWOW Interview & Document (2020)

“Of course, I have to face the other four members. I'm carrying their lives and my life is being carried by them as well. I did it with that determination.” — Kaoru

Notes before reading:

The whole interview is divided into 8 topics, and the translation is divided into 4 parts. This is the first part, which includes the previous 2 topics. The details of all topics and time markers are 👉 here.

I have added Chinese subtitles for this video in 2021. The whole interview was very meaningful, and I hope that with the English translation, more people can understand what they're talking about.

The five members were interviewed separately and then edited into a video, so the words spoken by each of them are not necessarily coherent.

Repost and share are welcome.🙌 I translated it all by my ears, so please feel free to correct me if you spot any mistake or any confusing parts.☺️

--- --- ---

01. Band Formation ~ Debut

►The Formation of DIR EN GREY

Shinya: All four of us were in the same band except for Toshiya on bass. Then the band broke up and we had to find a new member again. Kyo: Each of us all wanted to be in a band. So after discussion, we decided to get rid of one person and get the four of us together. (*Note: After La:Sadie's disbanded, the four of them decided to form a new band in addition to KISAKI.) Die: We were friends with Toshiya at that time, so we thought about finding all the members and forming a band with him. Toshiya: At that time, their band was gaining momentum. I would like to play with the four of them if it's possible and I happened to be invited. That's what happened.

►Origin of the Band Name

Kaoru: At that time, there was a band that communicated with us very closely. The band had a song called DIR EN GREY*, and that's where our band got its name. I always thought it was a good name, so I suggested it as the name of our band. (*Note: It refers to a song called "Dir en Gray" by the band "LAREINE" (with Kamijo as vocalist), which was formed in 1994.) Kyo: There were two alternative names at that time, the other one was proposed by me, but the final vote was 3:2 so I lost. (laughs)  After I lost, the band name became DIR EN GREY. (*Note: Another name is "如月" (きさらぎ, kisaragi ) → Dir en grey turns 25 today! )

►Looking Back at the time of Debut

Shinya: The three debut singles were produced by YOSHIKI-san. He also played the piano for our song after debut, I had no regrets at that time even if I died, that's how I felt. Kaoru: At that time, we had only recorded once or twice in a decent studio, and we had also recorded in places like homes.  YOSHIKI-san took us straight to a professional recording studio and said, "Let's make the debut single!" without giving us time to think.

. . .

02. Expression

►Awareness in the Creative Process

Die: After all, the band has been around for more than 20 years, therefore, we have to create something more exciting. It's not that I have to do anything, but I try to experiment with all kinds of things. So there are times when we can't be categorized as anything but DIR EN GREY. Shinya: While it is changing over time, now I just want to make songs that I feel good about. Toshiya: Every recording has to add the sound that you think is good, and you must like the songs you create, or you must love them. Kaoru: The overall sense of balance and the feeling that the listener will have, and of course there are many other things.  I would listen to the song several times to feel it, and repeat it over and over again. I can remember it by listening to it over and over again. After listening to it a few times, I will pay attention to interesting pieces, new discoveries, and so on, while I'm composing. Kyo: Most people have a fixed style after 20 years, like "This is the way this person is," but I'm not like that. Of course it's cool to stick to your own unique style, although I can do that and feel like I can keep myself. Kyo: I don't like to make people think that "This is how I am in the end" or something like that, it's not my style. I want to show the changes in each moment directly. When I can't express the music naturally, I may stop, and when I can't create freely, I will stop.

►Things want to Convey through Music

Toshiya: What I/we want to convey is simply "pain (痛み)". Living is a hard thing, and being able to create that power of anger, I think that's our music. Kyo: I am very bad at expressing beautiful things, or is that not for me?  It's... it's irritating.  Maybe it's because I often feel that there is nothing good in the world, and I don't like things that look like fabrications. Shinya: Those are supposed to be in the lyrics, and I don't particularly want to express the pain with the drums. 🤣🤣 Kaoru: I think that varies from person to person, and there is no right answer. For me, I also have a part of myself that I want to convey, so maybe I'm thinking about that while I'm creating.  If I were to say that we all share the same idea, it would be that we can express what we think without hiding it. Die: Being able to feel pain means you are alive, and hope is born from that. The first thing I/we want to convey is "to be alive". (*Screen caption: Feeling pain = Being alive)

►The Motivation for Expression

Kyo: If there is something that I want to convey which will be the motivation, I am not.  I'm just living. Toshiya: It should be the anger and sadness in life, just the two.  If I can express both, I feel I can be saved. Shinya: There will be people who come to see the LIVE, and those fans are my motivation. Kaoru: I think it's because I don't want to admit defeat. I don't want to admit defeat, it should be more like I don't like to admit defeat. I am a weak person, I will want to run away when things happen, and will want to give up when I can't do it. But on this point I still do not want to give in to defeat, I want to do it well. Kaoru: Of course, I have to face the other four members. I'm carrying their lives and my life is being carried by them as well. I did it with that determination. (*Oh, leader sama😳) Die: I think it's LIVE. LIVE is the most direct place to convey ideas and resonate with people. I am moving forward with LIVE as my goal.

(To be continued...)

--- --- ---

part 2. & part 3. & part4.

topics & time marks

中文翻譯 (My Blogger) part 1. & part 2. & part 3.

[lilithslittleworld]

Formal Crushing

A/N: Felt in a cutesy mood and what better than to write a Seth fluff oneshot? :-) Just a heads up, I'm writing Seth a little ambiguously here, as in, trying to make his age adaptable (staying within the 16-19 age range tho)

I'm also going to add a little music recommendation list for reading this oneshot (aka what I listened to while writing it!)

I did do my research on the Makah Tribe and Reservation for Violet's identity and culture. However, if there are any mistakes, for either Native identity and/or tribe, I deeply apologize for them now. I wanted to be as informed and respectful as possible while writing the Native elements of their relationships.

Summary: Violet and Seth go to the same high school on the rez and the school dance is coming up. There's no way he'll ask her though, right?

CW: Seth Clearwater x Fem Reader (Violet), ONLY FLUFF.

Music list for this oneshot: (4-7 are for the dance)

Sweet by CAS

Love Songs on the Radio by Mojave 3

Say Yes to Heaven by Lana del Rey

Words by F. R. David

Material Girl by Madonna

Yeah by Usher

Stop the Music by Rihanna

Put Your Head On My Shoulder by Paul Anka* slow-dance scene

It wasn't totally unrealistic of you to hold onto the hope of Seth asking you out. But the weeks had started to fly by this second semester and you had not gotten more than his usual friendly smile or conversation, not that you were complaining. Ever since your family had moved down to Forks that Fall, your eyes had been on Seth Clearwater and his on you. Kind of.

Moving down to a different reservation, with a different tribe around had been an interesting experience. Though the Makah tribe, like the Quileute, were both native to Washington, your presence didn't always feel welcomed by others. Leah, Seth's older sister, had made that clear through her debilitating glares she shot at you as she waited for her brother. Seth hadn't ever noticed, really, as his gaze was always on you. But then again, that didn't mean anything.

Seth, though, was curious about your tribe and liked to find the similarities between the both of you. His eyes lit up eagerly as you shared more about yourself and your own little world, it was hard not to smile back. Your school days ended with two back-to-back classes with him, to which he walked alongside you, opening every door that came your way and carrying your books. It always crushed you a little, to have to say goodbye to Seth, knowing very well you'd see him again the next day. But there was something about him that made you want to spend all of your time talking to him.

Some nights, as you lay in your bed, you'd imagine staying up late into the night with Seth beside you, debating and exploring every fascinating topic that crossed your minds. You knew his family liked telling campfire stories under the stars like your own did back in Neah Bay. The image of Seth listening attentively as his elders told and retold the stories of his tribe made you smile. He seemed like the perfect person to go star gazing, as well, but you could never see that actually happening.

Late into your first January at Forks, the knowledge of the upcoming formal was all anyone talked about. Though it was still a week away, you had hoped to hear of an invitation from Seth. As usual, Seth was waiting for you outside of your calculus class. He always made an effort to coax a smile out of you, knowing how much you hated that class. It always worked.

"Hey, Vi," he smiled at you, "What's the one thing a vampire never, and I mean ever, order at a restaurant?"

His enthusiasm was infectious and you couldn't help but giggle at the corniness of his joke. You had heard rumors about a Quileute rival being cold-ones, you'd even heard Jacob Black and other friends of Seth mention them but you weren't that superstitious to believe them.

"A Bloody Mary?" you replied, sure of your answer when you saw Seth's brow furrow slightly.

"Man, that's an even better answer than the one I read," he sighed, pushing open the door towards the stairwell, waiting, as usually, for you to pass first.

You laughed at his bewildered state. "You're telling me that wasn't the answer?"

"It was a 'stake sandwich'", he responded sheepishly, holding the door for you once again.

"Still one of your best jokes, Clearwater," you responded, shaking your head in exaggerated mock appreciation.

"Pfff, you flatter me," he joked, taking a seat in the first row of seats, always leaving the one next to him for you. Both of your days ended with English, something both of you liked. Unlike the others from his friend group, or 'pack' as he called them, Seth enjoyed reading, something else you both had in common. You liked to watch him take notes, picking up on the neatness of his handwriting, the way his tongue stuck out in concentration, and how he never hesitated to ask the questions that everyone else had too.

The class ended quicker than you expected, fifty minutes isn't a long time when you're having fun, or at least not bored to death. As everyone scurried to gather their things, Seth simply got up, grabbed both of your notebooks and flashed you a smile as you got up to walk next to him. The walk to the parking lot was much more silent than your typical ones, making you uneasy but Seth didn't seem off.

Seth was quiet until you two were outside the building, lost in thought from what it appeared. You could see Leah in the distance, standing next to her truck, waiting for Seth. Her glare pierced into you, sending a shiver down your spine and indicating that it was time for you to part ways.

Seth looked down at you, smiling at you thoughtfully. "See you tomorrow, Vi?" he mused, reaching out to lightly brush your arm.

You sighed, expecting a different goodbye. "Yeah, see you," you mumbled, taking your notebooks from Seth's extended hands. You spun around, in direction to your own truck, the one Billy Black had had Jacob fix for you. Slamming its doors as you got in didn't change anything but it made you feel a little bit better. Was Seth never going to make a move? It was the twenty-first century so asking him out wasn't off the table but it wasn't what you wanted. The last thing you wanted was to force something but it was beginning to drive you crazy not knowing if the time you shared together meant something or not.

The next morning, you were surprised to find that Seth wasn't waiting for you outside your locker as he usually did. He never got sick so that wasn't a logical explanation, and neither did Leah, who was present today. You pursed your lips, flipping back your long, black hair as you brushed past her. Had she gotten to her brother, driving a wedge between the two of you?

Your stomach turned as you saw that Seth wasn't waiting for you outside of calculus either. You rolled your eyes at the tears that were beginning to pool, refusing to let them fall. It was quite silly of you to feel this way, you and Seth were simply friends, regardless of how you felt about him. You were surprised at yourself, almost angry, at your internal emotional outburst for this single absence of his. Maybe you wouldn't feel this way if his sister didn't hide the fact that she hated you, or if maybe Seth had tried to hold your hand. Or if he had even mentioned the formal.

Once English finished, you gratefully leaped out of your seat, making a point to rush out of that dreadful building. Your eyes scanned the parking lot, just in case you saw someone from Seth's 'pack'. Your eyes landed on the Clearwater's truck, fully expecting to see a spiteful Leah looking your way. Instead, Seth stood by his sister's truck, holding a bouquet and fidgeting visibly. A slight smile crept up on your lips as you made your way towards him.

Seth's eyes lit up, the way they always did, as he saw you amidst the crowd of teenagers scurrying to their cars. "Vi," he sighed in relief.

"Hey, you," you smiled at the sound of your name.

"These are violets er- the color is violet. the lady at the store said they're 'violas'. I thought you'd like them since you both share a name," he confessed, running his free hand through his hair nervously.

You took the flowers in your hands, smelling them softly before taking in their beauty. Your had heart fluttered when he had said that, knowing you were named after the flowers.

"They're beautiful," you murmured, looking back up at him in gratitude.

"So are you," he blushed, pulling on the hem of his shirt, nervously. Your own blush mixed with the smile that was permanently spread along your face.

"I-I was actually hoping you'd go to the formal with me. It doesn't even have to be in that way if you don't want it to be, we can go as friends. But Violet, since the first day you walked into my life, I haven't been able to get you out of my head. You're intelligent, sweet, caring, and so funny." Seth took one of your hands in his. His skin was so warm beneath yours.

"And beautiful, apparently," you reminded him, squeezing his hand as you teased him.

Seth let out a breathy laugh. "Obviously." You rolled your eyes.

"So, what do you say?"

"Of course I'll go with you, Clearwater," you grinned, "I've been waiting for a full-blown confession like that since the Fall."

Seth's smile reached his eyes, his body shaking with laughter at your little moment. "That's on me," he replied timidly, "I never wanted to make you uncomfortable or rush you in any way."

"Neither did I," you agreed. It had been worth the wait and the months of platonic friendship you two had had. All the little things Seth had done and said during this time flashed in your mind, with his words echoing behind them. He had kept a safe distance out of respect for you and the friendship you had cultivated in such a short time.

"Regardless, if you change your mind or are uncomfortable with anything please let me know," he said urgently.

"I don't think I'll be changing my mind anytime soon," you winked at him, pulling him in for one of his bearhugs. With his strong arms wrapped around you, you felt him sigh. He smelled like pine and cologne, such a calming and familiar scent. You always felt so safe in his arms but it was much nicer now that you knew how he felt.

"So," you pondered, pulling away from Seth momentarily, "What time are you picking me up at next Friday?"

Seth just smiled his wonderful smile and said, "How's six o'clock?"

---------

It was five-fifty and you were nearly ready. Your deep, purple dress' bodice hugged your body, flowing down to just above your knees. Your long, straight, black hair was down, falling upon either of your shoulders. It was five fifty-five and you were nearly ready physically. Emotionally, that was a whole other story. Your nervous energy had kept you up the night before and now the appearance of slight fear mixed in. It was just Seth but that made you feel butterflies in your stomach now.

A knock on your door broke your mental silence. It was six o'clock, just as Seth had promised. You took one last quick glance in the mirror before heading towards the door.

Seth stood in a long sleeve, white button-up, dress pants and shoes, and a black tie. His shoulder-length, dark hair was loose like yours.

"You look-" you both started in unison before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"You look so beautiful, Vi," Seth murmured, reaching out to stroke your arm.

"And you look very handsome," you agreed, nodding your head for extra effect.

"Hello, Violet!" someone called out to me from behind the shed. It sounded like an older woman.

"Er- yeah, my mom was hoping to get a few pictures of us. I know its not exactly ideal to be chaperoned as I already have my license," he said loud enough so his mother would hear him.

"Oh hush," a dark-haired woman said, "I'm Sue, Leah and Seth's mother. It's so nice to finally meet you! I've been hearing 'Violet this' and 'Violet that' since the start of the school year."

Seth's face froze, mortified at his mother's constant yet criminal chatter. "Mom," he emphasized, pointing towards the camera in her had.

"Ah, yes! Picture time, everybody," she said cheerfully, guiding you both to the nearest tree. "Pictures are always nicer in nature."

"They are," you agreed, smiling. Seth's tensed body relaxed slightly as you said that.

"My mom's just like this," you whispered to him, squeezing his hand.

Sue's excitement was palpable in the car ride towards the school, only fueling Seth's embarrassment and your flattery. Your goodbye was rushed by Seth opening the car door for you and swiftly pulling you out and away from the vehicle.

The inside of the building was pretty much the same, except for some silver party streamers hanging down from the ceiling and a few other sparkly decorations. But that didn't matter, your night was complete with the mere fact of Seth being by your side. He too seemed content, actually, ecstatic seems like a more appropriate word.

"Wanna dance?" he grinned at you, pulling you towards the mostly empty dance floor. "I've got some serious moves."

"And who says I don't?” you challenged.

"Oh, I know you do," he teased, dancing happily. Seth's dancing wouldn't ever win him a spot on Broadway but it made you laugh. You matched his energy immediately, causing the both of you to lose your breath from laughing and dancing. It was so easy to like him, he made everyone around him more cheerful and comfortable. Seth was never afraid of taking the highroad if it meant helping others and that was visible even now.

Neither of you had noticed the circle of people that had begun cheering you on, everyone laughing and smiling as both of you pulled out new dance moves to bewilder the other. You and Seth couldn't stop laughing, even after the songs had started to slow down.

When Paul Anka's 'Put Your Head On My Shoulders' started playing, however, Seth's playful smile softened, extending a hand out to you. You took it happily, as he pulled you in closely, swaying you gently as he did. You placed your free hand on his shoulder and he placed his on your waist. This was the first contact you had both had that wasn't strictly friendly. Both of you felt the electricity run through your bodies as you came in contact with each other.

"Sparks fly," he whispered, reading your mind.

"I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone," you murmured, looking up at him.

"Neither did I."

You swayed in silence together, looking at each other's eyes as you did. You wished you could read all of the thoughts that were passing through his mind at that moment.

"Then again," he started slowly, "I've never felt more sure about something in my life, even if it's new to me."

"Most of the pack's reached this point too, though," he went on thoughtfully, "Paul, Quil, Jacob, even Sam."

"It was only a matter of time," you nudged him playfully, coaxing out another one of his beautiful smiles.

"Worth the wait," he replied simply, spinning you one last time.

As the last song began to fade out, you both came to the realization that the night you had both been looking forward to was reaching its finale. You were grateful that the last couple of songs had been slow, eager to be dancing again in the comfort of Seth's arms.

"Got everything?" he asked gently, scanning the area around you in case you had forgotten something.

"Yup," you said, holding up your heels and cardigan in your hand.

"Do you mind if we wait outside? The sky's clear enough to see the moon and th-"

"The stars," you interrupted suddenly, overcome by emotion at the knowledge that Seth did in fact love the stars as you'd once hoped.

"I just," you stammered, "Really like the stars." Seth nodded silently in agreement, leaving you space to elaborate if you wanted as you two stepped out into the cool night. The night's breeze sent a shiver down your spine as you pulled on your cardigan, thankful that you'd decided to grab it after all. But it was so peaceful in that cool, dark night with Seth.

"There are so many kinds of stars and lights in the sky," you began softly, "Our people have a legend about the Northern lights, the aurora borealis. We believed they were fires that spread along the Far North, passing over a dwarves' village that would boil the whales they caught into blubber."

Seth listened to you attentively, smiling at the story you told him. "My grandpa always said they were fire too," he smiled, "the whale thing is really yours though," he continued, stroking your back softly.

You laughed. "Whales are kind of a huge deal, back home," you reminded him.

"I love hearing about your home, your people. I know our ancestors would be proud of us today, even if we're from different tribes," he said tenderly.

"A real Washington Native love story," you teased, overwhelmed by the emotion in his words before.

"Sometimes though, I think the Hopi are onto something. Each little star being an ancestor who guides us," Seth said thoughtfully.

"I've thought that too," you agreed. There were so many ideas and interpretations about stars and exploring them with Seth only brightened your evening.

"You're unlike anyone I've ever met, Violet," he breathed, ducking his head slightly. You were thankful he couldn't pick up on your blush that was beginning to color your cheeks or your heart that was pounding excitedly in your chest.

"Neither have I," you responded, "Worth the wait."

Seth brought his gaze back up to you, smiling at your words. His brow furrowed slightly, as if you had just asked him a question.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked tentatively, searching your eyes for a response. Your lips curled into a smile at the innocence of Seth and you nodded softly.

Seth held your face in his hands before leaning in slowly, looking at you under the moonlight. Your own hands cupped his warm cheeks. Seth pressed his lips softly against yours, they were as warm as the rest of him. You were grateful for a little warmth his body emitted, as the night only continued to cool. His kisses were sweet and gentle against your lips, only causing you to swoon even more. He ran his fingertips slowly through your hair and your own hands mimicked his.

After the final kiss, Seth nuzzled his nose against yours before pulling away, still holding you close. You laid your head on his shoulder as you both gazed back up at the stars.

"How are you always so warm?" you wondered out loud.

Seth chuckled. "Oh, that's a long story for another day."

[turtleations]

KUMA: Never Ending Bond, Chapter 1, Part 4 (Translation)

Preface & Prologue Chapter 1, Part 1 & 2 Chapter 1, Part 3

An episode with HIDE and KUMA, always together

The red mohair sweater HIDE-san was wearing, among other times, at the live at Tokyo Dome, had actually been my own sweater than I had been wearing… When HIDE-san saw me in it, he said, “That’s great, KUMA, lend it to me,” and spontaneously wore it when he went out for the event’s encore.

After that, the fan club made special HIDE-san mohairs, because all the fans wanted them. I still have the various mohairs that I used to wear in partner-look with HIDE-san long ago. The red-and-black striped one that he liked to wear a lot, the same one in black-and-violet, and so on.

And while we’re on the topic of clothes, there was the sari that he wore for encores and advertisements. It tore easily, so I stitched it often. When he wore it for a concert, I always had to have safety pins ready for when it tore. I was always careful with it.

Come to think of it, HIDE-san was wearing the sari for the artist-photos when they debuted, so of course it left a deep impression.

Because there hadn’t been a visual artist that original before him, they said.

Also, we painted his guitars together.

Like the guitar with the psychedelic colors and the paisley pattern that Shishô used as his main guitar. We painted that backstage, and I still think it is so cool.

Shishô asked me, “Do you have anything round?” and I passed him the cap of a spray can. I drew as well, imitating the things Shishô had started with.

Aside from that… most of my memories of Shishô are about music.

Thanks to him, I got to hear a lot of different music when we were together.

Shishô had liked Nirvana since their indies debut in ’89, and there was a period when he was constantly holding Nirvana CDs or photos.

When they came to Japan for the first time in ’92, he invited me: “KUMA, let’s go see them live,” and we went to Nakano Sun Plaza together.

I remember that concert very often. The concert itself lasted only an hour – and there wasn’t really anything like a set on stage.

But instead of being lacking for it, it was overflowing with energy and we were extremely satisfied with it. In regard to this, Shishô observed, “Turns out, something doesn’t need to be long in order to be good.”

There were a lot of bands like Nirvana that Shishô was interested in before their popular break out, and another one that he liked to listen to a lot was Jane’s Addiction.

When I think about it, Shishô was a hard-working person who learned a lot about anything he was interested in. Oh well, I think he really loved music.

Speaking of learning, HIDE-san often told me, “KUMA, you should read more books.”

But that story is tied to the episode of HIDE-san teaching me how to write song lyrics…

What he often said about it was:

“I start by writing what I want to say down like a journal entry. Then I adapt these words to the melody, but when there are words I want to convey, I replace them with better words and phrases. If I were to put down the original version, it would just be a diary entry. That’s why I write it over and over, as if looking for the right puzzle piece.”

“It is important to distinguish between images that can be interpreted in any way, and those that conjure up realistic scenarios. There is no right or wrong way to interpret a song, so what I value is description. It is important to have at least one realistic scene that invokes the same feeling in everyone and allows them to instantly get a sense of the scenery, the world.”  That’s what he told me many times.

Regarding HIDE-san, he was someone who read a lot of books. He simply loved writing… That’s why he put such an emphasis on words… He read a lot of books by authors like Mishima Norio. While he was writing the lyrics for “Miscast”, HIDE-san asked me, “Do you understand what this means?” When we were talking about the lyrics, he said, “You should read more books. Start with these authors,” and recommended me Mishima Norio and Hoshi Shinichi.

I still remember how HIDE-san wrote the names of those two into my notebook right there.

Aside from that, Shishô didn’t just read novels but also looked at fashion magazines a lot.

While aboard, he also ran around in search of various issues and made the concept for his own clothes. I said it before, but he was not someone to slack off in his efforts.

Chapter 1, Part 5

[truthem]

How I immerse myself in Korean and Spanish

한국어 (Korean)

I think I’m doing so good in Korean because I’m constantly watching things in Korean and exposing myself to the language.

1. K-pop

I’m such a big K-pop fan and it really helps my learning process. If I didn’t enjoy K-pop I don’t think Id be able to comprehend half of what I can today.

I watch a lot of “vlogs” from my favorite idols. (My fav to watch are LE SSERAFIM’s vlogs, they’re just really easy for me to understand and entertaining at the same time).

ATEEZ is always doing something and they’re my ult group so I’m just constantly watching them. Recently though I haven’t been watching their stuff so I have a lot to catch up on 😅

The music makes no sense to me because obviously song lyrics aren’t written in conversational everyday Korean so I don’t even really count that as listening comprehension. Every now and then I’ll catch a word I know and get shocked though 🙏

I used to watch V-lives or whatever they’re called now a lot but I can’t focus for that long anymore. (박성화 has the best lego lives)

2. K-Dramas

I don’t watch as many dramas as some people but I feel like they’ve definitely helped me get used to listening to Korean.

I try not to take any phrases or vocab from dramas because it’s a drama… and they’re dramatic 😭

I started watching Business Proposal like a month ago but I got distracted with exams and I stopped watching it with 2 episodes left… (SPOILERS: istg if 하리 and 태무 don’t stay together I’m giving up on everything)

3. Korean Cartoons

I LOVE Learn Korean with Jadoo. I barely understand any of it but it’s helped me a lot with understanding how certain grammar points are used and how certain words are used.

I also like watching Peppa Pig in Korean because the episodes are short and sweet and they’re relatively easy to understand.

I used to watch We Bare Bears in Korean but I watched like every episode they had on YouTube so now I’m rewatching in Spanish. (I genuinely love We Bare Bears, it’s always been the best cartoon out there)

4. Korean News

I like to read a lot of Korean news to help with pronunciation and reading comprehension. It also allows me to find some more specific vocabulary that I would use in describing what I do, what I like, and what I want to do in my future because I can find real stories that are specific to my interests.

5. ASMR

Soy ASMR and Seonghwas ASMR videos have been single-handedly holding my life up. Judy ASMR is also a really good creator. I like to watch like roleplay ASMR like “friend does your makeup for a party” or whatever because it exposes me to more casual vocabulary.

Español (Spanish)

1. Classes

I do take Spanish classes at school so I get over and hour of Spanish immersion in while at school everyday. We mainly use Spanish in the classroom.

2. Spanish Documentaries

I’m a bit more advanced in Spanish than I am in Korean so I prefer to watch Documentaries as to cartoons.

Documentaries also interest me more than cartoons in some aspects like learning more about different latin cultures, hearing different accents and dialects, and learning about how other people live.

3. Cartoons

I only really watch We Bare Bears in Spanish because I just like the show, but sometimes Spanish feels like a chore to me or like I’m just learning it to pass a class at this point, so cartoons are a good way to just casually comprehend the language.

4. Spanish News

I found this really good Spanish news for kids website and it’s so incredibly helpful. I’m in the process of making a “Spanish Resources” blog post like I did with Korean so I’ll definitely link that there.

I read the articles out loud to help get more comfortable with speaking, reading and my pronunciation.

They also have a podcast that’s just like a read aloud of the article so after I read the article, I go and listen to the podcast.

The topics are really interesting, too. Like one of them was about this lady bringing her pet pig to the airport to help calm people down??? I wanna go pet a pig wdym????

6. Spanish music

There are no words in the English language to express how much I love Spanish music.

It’s literally just so beautiful.

In class we have broken down various songs, so I can understand music very easily unlike in Korean even if I have to think about the lyrics for a bit.

7. Spanish YouTube videos/ASMR

I watch a lot of “un día en mi vida” type videos and I love ASMR so I watch a lot of those. 🙏

[autisticempathydaemon]

sorry if this is a lil long (￣□￣;)!!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

there are a few albums (igor, damn., songs) ive been listening to on loop for a few weeks now, but if i were to narrow it down to one song it would be “forwards beckon rebound” by adrianne lenker ^_^. i liked it when i first listened to the album in full but then found out my boyfriend liked it, so i LOVE it now. 

What is your Enneagram type?

INFP-T, 4w3

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

i LOVE them!! i really enjoy jacob geller’s video essays, specifically his video “how can we bear to throw anything away?”. i think its SUPER cool and very poetically justifies my hoarding. though for GARGANTUAN, i like flawed peacock’s 7 hour and 42 minute video on “who’s lila”, which i still havent finished.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

when i was around 9 i used to be called “daffodil” when teased so i turned daffodil into my alter ego and spoke to her with pure hatred

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

most of the time i scroll and scroll and scroll until im about to pass out from exhaustion, but when im NOT doing that, either put on music or a sleep aid audio n stare at my ceiling til i fall asleep.

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

im trans and have been out to my friends for around 3-4 years now, and i changed my name to my current one due to dissatisfaction with my previous name choice and my fixation on the character i named myself after.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

ashers 2021 hbs. its so sweet and silly and full of love <3 i love asher and i love fluff :3

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

guy. hes alright but i just dont see the appeal character-wise. hes kind of just erik’s self-insert or low-effort character which is great for him but not that interesting for me.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

book + movie: the perks of being a wallflower, and tv show: brooklyn 99. i was DEEPLY into tpobaw a few months ago and finished the book (with annotations) in 4 days. charlie kelmeckis is me!! as for b99, its my comfort show and i’ve rewatched it at least 6 times in full.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

caelum :3 i need to hug him asap!! need to bake with him!!

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

no specific topic, but ill start talking about how much i love something or someone. tired me is very loving. according to my best friend i talk a lot about my boyfriend when im sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

diet coke and ice cream ^_^ 

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

there are a few, but my top three are a playlist containing every alex g song i like, a playlist full of love songs of all different genres and artists, and a playlist i made in 2022 when i was into more obscure rock ^_^. but mostly i listen to adrianne lenker or kendrick lamar on shuffle.

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

video essays talking about drake vs kendrick. i swear ive watched over a hundred videos related to that drama, mostly cause i love kendrick so much and have been a drake hater since 2015. 

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

im a big lover of the arts!! both visual (i draw both traditionally and digitally, and have tried painting) and musical (big music fan + very amateur singer and guitarist). i really like movies, but i like movie analysis youtube videos more! in that same vein, i love horror media but am too scared most of the time to actually consume it, so i watch a lot of horror explanation or analysis videos.

im an extremely awkward person to talk to, like severely. also i like minecraft a lot, avid hermitcraft watcher.

Type Fours are so lovely, so internally complex and magnificent and creative despite and perhaps in conjunction with their introversion. I think a fellow introvert would especially appreciate that about you- Anton, specifically.

Another reason I like y’all together is this enneagram type (and MBTI) tends to be very feelings based, very pathos motivated, and that would contrast from Anton whose life and job are so technical, so logos-y. You bring so much light and verve into his life; whenever he sees art, he thinks of you and how it would make you feel. You make him think more about how he feels, you know? The art you create and the way you experience art, the way you enjoy things, makes him marvel.

And you do love to enjoy things with him, to show new things and movies and shows, because his marvel in turn makes things even more fun for you! Anton strikes me as the type of guy who knows nothing about pop culture if left alone, so you get to show him everything. He likes Brooklyn Nine Nine a lot more than he thought. (Terry is his favorite; he also likes yogurt and wants to be a girl dad.) He doesn’t give a single shit about the Kendrick/Drake beef but you’re so animated when you talk about it, he listens raptly. He doesn’t really enjoy horror, but it doesn’t scare him either so he’s a comforting presence whenever you decide to try watching some.

Song:

A volcano erupted/ And the stars fell one by one/ And finally I'm done right/ And it's a kite trapped in my mind/ But I don't mind/ I think of your hands on my body/ And they feel nice/ Just one more night

(Thank you again, Spotify Artist Radios, because I don’t listen to a lot of folk! This is a new song for me!) I chose this one for you and Anton because of the phrase “velvet kind of mood”, because it makes me think of how Anton’s love would tactile-y feel- warm, plush, heavy like a weighted blanket and just as comforting. The lyric “just one more night” also made me think of Anton holding onto you the night before he leaves, so I could not resist.

Runner-ups:

Geordi is the first runner-up that came to mind because he strikes me as the most… artistically inept of the redacted bois if you will- thus, he would feel the most awe and reverence and your prowess. Plus, I like to headcanon him as trans, and we love a t4t couple. Asher is my favorite runner up for you though, but I can’t quite word why. I think it’s something about his extrovert energy against yours.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[ar-cadez]

I can't stop listening to the Your a Good Man, Charlie Brown soundtrack and no one wants to talk about Peanuts with me so here's my song ranking

1. The Book Report

A really good portrayal of the characters personalities through showing them doing something really mundane like homework. It's really fun to see the different amounts of effort they put into it. Charlie Brown's verse is pretty relatable to when I have executive dysfunction tbh. I love Schroeder and how he gets completely off topic immediately. Linus getting way too into it and Lucy just absolutely not caring... Also I don't know what grade these kids are in but I thought Linus was younger? Why is he in the same class? Did he skip a grade? That wouldn't particularly surprise me tbh.

2. Snoopy

Relatable af. "I feel every now and then that I wanna bite somebody" me too, boy. Me too. I relate to the wish to just go feral sometimes but your just too domestic and harmless. It feels really short despite being 3 minutes long bc the first verse is so slow. I like the kazoos also. I love Woodstock and this is the only part the birds show up which is sad but ig it's hard bc being expressive with a little cutout is hard.

3. The Doctor Is In

Charlie Brown therapy appointment. It's pretty funny too! I like how Lucy is like "not even your dog loves you lmao" the ending line is pretty good too. I love how the Broadway cast recording actor says "There's hope? :0" he says it so nice...

4. My New Philosophy

Rather cute! I love Schroeder. The dynamic is rather cute with him humouring Sally but also being the straightman in the situation. and I feel like it's not a pairing I see too much.. I could be wrong though. My newspaper never had Peanuts strips and I haven't watched the specials in forever. The melody is really good too! This was the first song I heard bc it came up on Spotify when I was looking at a musical playlist and it's the reason I learned there was an official peanuts musical.

5. Little Known Facts

Idk if Lucy genuinely thinks snow "comes up" or if she's screwing with her little brother bit either way the confidence she has when she says all this absolute insanity is really funny. Charlie Brown trying to correct her and getting talked over and getting so genuinely upset is hilarious. You could perhaps argue that Linus isn't that dumb but also. He's really young.. And believes in really bazaar things himself (like the great pumpkin..)

6. Suppertime

I like Snoopy's monologue at the beginning he's so dramatic. I love the word supper. A lot more fun to say than dinner. Dog sings about food. What else can I say? Silly guy.

6.5 Beethoven Day

I forgot to add this one and I didn't want to change all the numbers. Its just an autistic kid singing about his special interest. I love how supportive everyone is even if most of them don't really care in my opinion. Like Lucy at least, is just doing it bc of her crush.. Also I'm pretty sure this play takes place over one day which means this whole musical takes place on Dec 16th. Fantastic.

7. My Blanket and Me

I really like this one too but Linus's voice makes me mad in the cast recording so. -1000 points. The high school kid from the only good recording I could find online did a better job. It's really cute I just don't like hearing a grown man sing it in a voice mimicking a voice that Linus has never even had. Explode.

8. The Kite

Pretty good! I like the quick pace and how he succeeds at the end, if only for a moment. I love how you can feel the frustration in his voice and the disbelief when the kite doesn't immediately fall.

9. Opening

I totally forgot what the opening sounds like even though I don't ever skip it. All I remember is the beginning dialogue. It's nice that it has the happiness leitmotif. But i only know that because I'm relistening to it now. I don't thinking even agree with most of the stuff they say about him in the song itself. Charlie Brown is a little bit of a dick guys. Not much but he's certainly not great.. Idk if that's the point? Idk. It doesn't even sound like they're talking about him.

10. T.E.A.M.

Eh. Music wise it's good but I don't care about the lyrics bc I hate baseball. I like how the kid from the high school production I watched softened his voice on "for her" the cast recording doesn't have that.

11. Happiness

It's pretty good but it doesn't have any comedy and this entire musical has zero emotional weight so it feels out of place. I also don't like how Charlie Brown stole Heather's pencil. (I'm not calling her "little red-headed girl".) boy, be normal.

12. Schroeder

I think the first line and last line are funny but it's pretty eh. I don't care for slow songs most of the time.

13. Glee Club Rehearsal

Reminds me too much of middle school choir. /hj. I actually dislike it bc it's just like. A folk song with kids talking over it. Least interesting. Didn't even do it in a fun way. Idek what they're arguing about. Smth about pencils.

[tracesofdevotion]

i have this obsession. i want to know what you like about things.

like, i know what i like about a book, or song, or object. a chair, or a movie or a pair of pants. i could give you an entire list. but i really really want to know what you like. what makes your heart sing. what’s your favorite moment of a movie? why do you like that shirt? what’s that item that you picked up in a store and thought, ‘i will buy this, i am attached for no reason.’

i love talking to people about their hobbies. i’ll let them just blab for hours about whatever they’re super duper into, even if it’s something i’ve never heard of. i listen to podcasts about the most boring topics in the world just for the sake of wanting to know someone. I once spent 4 hours listening to my little cousin rant to me about a video game. i have never, not even once, heard of this video game or played this video game for no other reason than I just don’t want to. but i will listen anyway because i love him and his little rants about sci-fi overlords

everyone’s hobbies are super interesting in their own little ways. i will listen to you for hours about your collection of old watches or whatever if that’s what you want to talk about. I would probably never buy a watch, because i don’t have enough wrists and i have my phone, but i’d like to hear your list of what a good watch is and why it’s important that it doesn’t have any scratches

the other day i listened to a stranger on the internet talk to me about her birds for 20 minutes. i have never, in my life, owned a bird. i’m not even a bird person. but i listened to her talk about her bird and their little bird friends and the toys in their cage and i asked questions and I’ve never been so interested in something i didn’t care about ever in my entire life. i think about her birds often

one time a woman was showing me her houseplants and she talked for an entire hour, and all i could think about was how passionate and happy she sounded. the way she spoke about this little sprouted leaf or tiny green baby was the same as people who talk about their kids. she was happy, and animated, and i just sat for an entire hour nodding and listening intently because what’s the point of hobbies if not to share them? just think, i would have never, ever known about these little flowers if i never knew her

[hoochy-coo]

Ttpd as a whole ! :)

In terms of her entire discography, this is firmly at 4 for me if you put all the songs together.

The pros are:

- This is her most autobiographical and self-referential album to date. I know that makes the music somewhat inaccessible to casual listeners but if you’re a stan that’s taken the time to digest, you can trace the map. This speaks to how parasocial her fanbase is but that’s a different conversation

- Taylor is usually very curated and calculated about what she wants us to know and how that will ultimately impact how we perceive her as well as her brand. However, she let it all hang out this album and I applaud that.

- The highs are career highs. We have great moment of introspections (Clara Bow, BDILH, The Manuscript, HDIE, ILIPW). We also have some of her best song writing since folkevermore (The Prophecy, SLL, The Black Dog, the Albatross, GAS, FOTS, Loml)

- It’s a grower. I think a lot of the songs need to grow on you because of the length of the album and how wordy a lot of the songs are.

- This album potentially marks her first instance of “not giving a fuck” and putting whatever she wants out. Which possibly signals a change in her creative process and we’ll be getting more raw and honest writing from her moving forward

- The music is catchy. Like cringe all you want over Down Bad but it’s catchy as hell

The cons:

- It’s bloated, unfocused, and confused. I totally get that she wrote most of this at a very painful, confusing period of her life. However, I agree with the NYT’s review that she badly needs an editor. For example, BDILH is AMAZING - it’s like grown up Speak Now on crack and in the context of the TS lore, it’s her giving a cheeky wink while flipping the “fairytale” motif that’s been such a staple to her career. However, it is so ridiculously wordy that it’s such a task to listen to. My head was spinning when I first heard the bridge LMAO. Which brings me to my next point…

- TTPD is self indulgent and not in a good way. She is clearly SPEAKING DIRECTLY to her muse on this album. She is doing so much to send a message to Matty Healey here that it gets a little uncomfortable. There are way too many coded messages and secret in-jokes. I’m in no way saying us as an audience should be able to demand comfort from her work, but I can’t lie and say it doesn’t take away from the enjoyment of the music. A lot of the tracks are clearly intended to sound like 1975 as a jab at Matty and it’s not cute.

- It’s trying to be a Lana album. Drag me all you want but she is writing in Lana cursives for half of this album and I don’t get why. Taylor did some of her best writing her when she kept it simple and worked off a relatable point of reference. For example, the Black Dog tells a very simple story of discovering that your ex-lover forgot to turn off his location and now you’re spiraling wondering what he’s doing at that exact location and who he’s with. Same with the Prophecy - it’s literally about trying and failing at love over and over again and wondering if it’s just not in the cards for you.

- Jack and Aaron. They are all stunting each other and she needs to take a break from working with them for a while. I’m in no way saying that Jack and Aaron didn’t do some good work on this album (because they absolutely did) but it’s clear that they’re not pushing her to try something new.

- Repeated exploration of the same topics and not having new or interesting to say. See: thanK you aIMee, Cassandra and WAOLOM. It’s the same thing being written about from the same lens. She could have kept it in the vault.

- It feels rushed. It just does and the sheer amount of songs thrown onto the album with no stream lining or even sonic ties makes it an exhausting listen in one sitting.

- Not leaning into the horror themes and motifs seems like a lost opportunity. There are tons of horror references on this album that she seemingly has done nothing with. Down Bad compares getting dumped with being dropped back to earth after an alien abduction, WAOLOM likens herself to a witch, TSMWEL compares her ex-lover ghosting her as getting betrayed and shot by a double agent, SLL referencing death, funerals and being reviving back to life but barely living, Fortnight literally references murders, ICDIWABH is a circus nightmare etc.

- All that marketing she did around Joever, which sent her stans on a with hunt, only for the album to be some other muse has left a bad taste in my mouth.

Overall, I’d say the pros trump the cons. However, I honestly think had she sat with it a bit more, rearranged some, edited bits and pieces, and trimmed off the excess, she would have had a fantastic album.

[mimicteruyo]

Hello, this is very random ask about your KomaEiki fanfics!

I’ve been reading your KomaEiki fanfic for about 3-4 years and I love every single one of them! I think my favorites out of all of them include Sleeping Beauty, Reflections of Higanbana, Glass Mirror and Nothing Says Romance Like Holding Back a Scolding.

I do have one question though, is Reflections of Higanbana sort of a “happy ending fix it fanfic” to Glass Mirror? I’m not sure if this was your intention when it came to writing Reflections of Higanbana but when I first read the fanfic I couldn’t help but think this due to the fact Eiki and Komachi were able to figure how they would handle their romantic relationship while also their work relationship at the same time while in Glass Mirror this wasn’t the case and Eiki basically couldn’t even tell Komachi she loved her due to work rules. I don’t know, I always felt like the two fanfics were connected somehow and that somehow the events of Reflections of Higanbana were the key to fixing the unrequited love story shown in Glass Mirror. The names for both of the fanfics also seem connected since mirrors reflect what is shown within them. I might be looking into things a bit too much but I wanted to see your perspective of things as the author of those fanfics.

Also very unrelated but thanks to those specific fanfics I couldn’t stop listening to the song Romeo and Cinderella by Doriko (this is a Vocaloid song) and it’s one of my favorite Vocaloid songs now. I would totally recommend listening to it if you are interested. Maybe the whole tragedy and happy ending thing got to my head a bit when reading those two fanfics…..

Back on topic though, do you have any plans to write a hurt/comfort KomaEiki fanfic by any chance? I’ve notice there really isn’t any out there and it would be really interesting to see your spin on things with this specific fanfiction trope.

Anyways keep up the good work!! 🐾🐾

Hi! This was a really fun ask to receive! Sorry it took me a while to reply: I wanted to think my answer through since your question was so thoughtful.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you like the fics! KomaEiki feels like a pretty niche ship these days, so I'm always super delighted to find other people who enjoy it.

The short answer is yes, Reflections of Higanbana is a fix-it for Glass Mirror (and the names are indeed intentionally connected). I didn't deliberately reference anything from the older fic besides the title in the newer one, but the intention was definitely there.

The long answer is a bit more complicated. Before Glass Mirror, I wrote a LOT of KomaEiki that I never finished and which thus never saw the light of day, trying really hard to make fetch the ship happen. I was still new to writing as well as lacking in life experience, and combined with my then present neuroses about adhering to canon I just couldn't get it to work in a way that satisfied me. Ultimately I wrote Glass Mirror as the closest thing to KomaEiki I could at the time and basically gave up on writing romance fics altogether for years afterwards.

The basic structure of Reflections of Higanbana actually comes from one of those unfinished fics: it was a short fic dominated by dialogue, similarly taking place over the centuries but with an ending very similar to Glass Mirror. Weirdly enough I couldn't actually find it when I went looking for it in preparation for writing Reflections, but I swear it existed. 😂

Before Reflections, I'd finally gotten back to writing pure shipfic and realising how much I loved it. At the beginning I deliberately only wrote fluffy established relationship KomaEiki to avoid the issues that stymied baby!Mimic's KomaEiki attempts, but then I decided it was time to give a more serious fic another try and write what I'd so desperately tried to write back in the day. At that point, I'd grown up enough to realise that, you know, the characters could in fact have an adult conversation about their relationship and thus sort things out (and also by then canon had revealed that the administration of Hell is messy lmao), and so I finally managed to write the fic little me wanted to read.

Thank you for the song rec! I'll check it out! 😊

I'm certainly open to the idea of h/c KomaEiki, but unfortunately I can't promise anything: I've been in a pretty serious creative lurch for a long while now and haven't really had any new fic ideas all year. The most I can say is that one of the fics I'm currently horribly stalled on might have some KomaEiki in it. Anyway, I'll do my best to get out of this mire and start writing again.

Thank you for your continued support! 🌼

[kolttonen]

The psychological horror of Brand New's The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me - an album analysis, part 3/4

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

If they don’t put me away, well, that’ll be a miracle

A big part of the allure of Brand New's music is that it is written almost from the point of a villain. After the allegations about Lacey came up in 2017, internet commenters have come in swarms, expressing that Brand New's discography was filled with hints of grooming and sexually predatory behavior. The Devil And God is no exception, and the first lyric that comes to mind to many is the catchy opening verse of Jesus Christ:

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face The kind you'd find on someone I could save If they don't put me away Well, it'll be a miracle

There are also the lines in the first verse of You Won’t Know, in which the writer describes himself as the origin of an undesirable chain reaction in a woman's life:

Your daughters weren't careful, I fear that I am a slippery slope Now even if I lay my head down at night After a day I got perfectly right She won't know

Or the ones in Luca, which allure to bad intentions 

When I disappear do you fear for the sister I took? When I disappear it is clear I am up to no good

Archers also has an interesting line in hindsight:

Order your daughters to ignore me Think that will sort me And sweep me under the rug

On The Devil And God the narrator is often addressing the family of the women in question, while the women are referred to as sisters and daughters, never as their own people. This adds a level of shock value to the lyrics - the “taking of the sister” or things that resulted in a “slippery slope” are never explained, but it is almost as if the narrator gets off on the reactions of his actions. 

Brand New wrote about women a lot, Lacey often expressing his tumultuous behavior with women in his songwriting. In his 2017 apology post, Lacey confirmed that he had had an addictive relationship to sex and had been a habitual cheater for most of his life, treating women he had had relations with disrespectfully and often not understanding the power dynamics at play between him and his sexual partners. This complicated issue is often present in Brand New's music, spanning from song lyrics that could almost be read as a tutorial of how to trick people into bed with you, to detailed descriptions of self-hatred for one’s own actions. According to my own impression, the topic is more prevalent on 2003’s Deja Entendu and 2009’s Daisy, but is not completely absent on The Devil And God. 

As a Brand New fan who only started listening to them years after the aggressive cancellation of Lacey, I am inclined to view their music from a point of view that highlights the parts of their lyrics that could be interpreted as a person taking advantage of others. Some say you can’t get through a Brand New album without hearing lyrics about hurting women, but comments like that don’t turn me off their music in the same way it seems to have done for a lot of online commenters. In many ways, it almost has the opposite effect - the hints of moral decay and hearing the train of thought of the obvious villain in someone else's story is a unique component of the band's music which wouldn’t be the same without it. 

The inner monologue on The Devil and God is anything but accepting, and because of that, I find its portrayal of a bad person comforting. The overall feeling I am left with Brand New’s more badly aged music is that the men who hurt women are just that, men. They are not devils or these big things whose actions should consume you, they are just men.

After listening to a whole song about hurting a child on Limousine, is it obnoxious to think that maybe writing about an accident that had nothing to do with Lacey himself, might have been a way to conceal some personal emotions about the alleged sexual misconduct happening at the time? The narrator being an alcoholic man accidentally killing a young girl could be just a more publicly acceptable framework for lyrics which in reality could be about damaging someone's sexual innocence in the desperation of your own sex addiction. Deflecting your feelings onto something else is easy - almost everyone has cried to a song or a movie or has felt too strongly about a contestant on a reality show. We all see and hear ourselves in different media and latch onto the stories which resonate with us the most, and creative people often create stories which reflect feelings they wouldn’t dare to voice as their own.

Writing about how you see yourself being a bad person is a suicide mission in a society where everything is taken at face value and nuance hardly exists, so it only makes sense to write out your emotions in a more complex narration, where the origin of them could be easily deflected. I don’t think Brand New's music is autobiographical in any sense, but I think it’s fair to say that someone feeling at peace with himself wouldn’t write an album like The Devil And God.

Absolution

The religious themes of The Devil And God are apparent and can’t be missed. Faith is a recurring theme on the album and the writer's relationship with God works as a great analysis tool for his feelings. Some of the songs read as prayers and conversations between the narrator and God, where the narrator asks questions in the realm of “Am I a good person? Are my actions rightful? What happens to people like me? Am I living a good life?”

The religious themes on The Devil And God revolve around knowing when you are not a good person, trying to come to terms with that and live your life with that knowledge. Limousine offers an awful story of a man who hurts a little girl and has to live with the guilt surrounding that. Through this morbid story the album works on feelings of guilt and remorse and begs the question “How will I get myself from underneath this guilt that will crush me?” The album studies this relationship between a bad person and God, and tries to figure out the nuances of living after an unfathomable nightmare happens. The album also explores the themes of dying and killing yourself (in Sowing season, You Won’t Know) and questions, who is welcome to heaven and who is not (in Jesus Christ)? Whose repentance is welcome, and is there atonement for all (in Limousine)?

 The christian imagery around dying makes the album almost lighter - death is not the end-all be-all for the writer as it is also seen as coming back to a father figure (in Jesus Christ). Although The Devil And God is sometimes analyzed as a deconstruction of a man's faith in God, I happen to disagree - this album is neither an atheist nor a religion-critical one, and if you wanted to find one of those in Brand New's discography, you would have to squint your eyes and see all the way to 2017’s Science Fiction.

... continues in part 4