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austinmaris18 · 1 year

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Personal Thoughts on Yona (No Bashing)

I'm gonna be honest, I hate shipping discourse because at the end of the day, characters aren't real and muting tags, posts, accounts are a thing. I also don't want to clog the Sidlink tag with discourse bc it's bad enough on twitter. However, if there's one thing I've learned about myself, it's that when something's bothering me, I need to talk about it, if only to process it. So, apologies but here I go. I will say that I feel like this is a nuanced take, so I guess if you're interested in that feel free to read. Disclaimer before I go in: there will be absolutely no Yona bashing. This post isn't to bash or attack Yona, anyone who enjoys Yona individually or paired with Sidon. I don't necessarily dislike her as a character, I'm more annoyed at the writing surrounding her introduction.

I've been thinking a lot, and I think the reason that Yona's introduction bothers me so much is because it mirrors (more than likely unintentionally) a pretty annoying heteronormative trope. In Jeffrey Brown's book Love, Sex, Gender, and Superheroes (an amazing analytical book in general, would highly recommend) they note that following the publication of Seduction of the Innocent in 1954 - which claimed amongst other things that Batman and Robin were a couple - there was a sort of moral panic about comic books. This was also during the era of McCarthyism, and so to avoid Senate action, the comic industry created the Comics Code Authority, which partly ensured that "illicit relationships" weren't hinted at, and in 1956 Kate Kane as Batwoman was introduced to be a love interest for Batman to reinforce his heterosexuality.

Now, am I comparing Sidlink to the supposed queer subtext of Batman and Robin in 40s and 50s comics? No. Am I saying that Nintendo purposefully introduced Yona for the same purpose as DC did Batwoman? Not necessarily. I just think it's almost comical how similar the situation feels, and the writing doesn't help either. Now, Yona is apparently Sidon's "dear childhood friend" and is also from a different kingdom. That in and of itself feels so awkward because again, we've had Breath of the Wild and Age of Calamity AND their respective DLCs, and not once have gotten mention of Yona or her kingdom. Not in a throwaway line from an NPC, not in the murals of Zora's Domain, not in Mipha's diary. (Also, I know that technically, Age of Calamity isn't canon. But it still had input from the Zelda team, and it provides a supposedly canon view of the settlements in Hyrule before the Calamity.) Especially considering the fact that we get confirmation from Sidon's mural and King Dorephan's dialogue that the engagement to Yona is political/arranged, this engagement was not really foreshadowed in any meaningful way other than this sort of heteronormative notion of "He's a prince so he'll have to get married at some point." Like, Sidon had a whole fanclub in BotW, and not one of them knew?? Did the engagement happen in the six/seven years between BotW and ToTK? Again, for a race of long lived beings like the Zora, that feels a bit hard to believe.

This in particular is what makes her introduction so jarring. We've seen all the countless Twitch and YouTube streamers reacting, the TikToks, the tweets and Tumblr posts of people shocked and disappointed. Here's where I point back to the fact that Aonuma and Fujibayashi even addressed the fact that Sidon was so popular during the BotW DLC Dev Talk. That's not to say they were aware of the ship or even cared enough to have taken the action of mitigating any potential queer readings. Other than reactions to the gameplay and the overall story, I don't think Nintendo particularly cares what we do, think, or ship. But they did know that Sidon in particular was a standout popular character, and so it seems so strange to not pair him off in a more well written way.

That's before even mentioning the whole Zora mural where Sidon parallels his relationship with Yona to that of Mipha, literally calling her a sister. There's also no getting around the fact that he uses that phrasing as in Spanish, French, and the original Japanese (those are the languages I read, so that's what I'm referencing) so it's not an English localization quirk. And I know there's the line about his feelings become more "difficult to quantify" but again, why? Why not just say he admired her instead of comparing her to Mipha in that way if they want to show us there was something there even in their childhood? I know it's meant to be sweet and to depict a sort of growth of feelings between them, but it reads strangely.

So we have these aspects and then we compare this to Sidon's interactions with Link this game. (Also before that, I want to acknowledge something: the vast majority of us who ship Sidlink or just enjoyed Sidon's character were never under the illusion that Nintendo would go towards any canonical romance between Sidon and Link.) We arrive to Zora's Domain to find a statue of us riding Sidon from the Vah Ruta battle. There is a whole Hylian bedroom constructed near the area where Sidon and Link fought Vah Ruta (more built out than the bed area Mipha used). The whole "Link Shrine" Sidon has singing his praises. Sidon literally getting down on one knee, taking OUR HAND in both his hands before presenting us the ring (I know that the other champions say the same oath and give us rings, it's the imagery of a proposal that I'm referring to). Link standing equally distant to Sidon as Yona during Sidon's crowning. Yona telling us that when Sidon speaks it's more than likely to talk about Link. Already Yona's introduction so funnily parallels heteronormative tropes, but to actually have so much imagery and subtext for Sidon and Link makes it feel even more crazy? I think this is where people get so hung up on the idea that "Yona was just introduced to get in the way of Sidlink." Honestly, I think the interactions with Link are more probably concessions for fans (not necessarily shippers) because again, the devs know how popular Sidon is. But it compounds with the manner in which Yona is written into the game.

All that being said, I don't necessarily have a neat conclusion to draw from these thoughts, but going back to the Batwoman parallels, I do think it's a shame Yona won't have to chance to canonically develop further the way Batwoman did. After all, despite her original introduction, most people nowadays think Batwoman and think of Kate Kane, the redhead badass lesbian superhero. But that happened over the course of decades in a medium that iterates narratively on the same characters over and over. Even if we get a story DLC for ToTK that has more Yona content, I don't know that it would be enough to smooth over how awkward her introduction was, and it's hard to believe Nintendo would make another direct sequel or carry over Sidon and Yona to the next version of Zelda. But we can already see Yona's iterative growth through fandom!

Now listen. I know myself, and the truth is I'm never going to actively ship Sidon and Yona. But I'm sure there are amazing artists and writers out there who will flesh Yona and her relationship and history with Sidon out (whether that includes Link in a polycule or not). I'm glad that the game has made the interpretation of a lavender marriage between Sidon and Yona who have their respective paramours possible (with the politically arranged aspect of the marriage, Sidon's boisterous actions concerning Link, Yona's acknowledgement of Link's importance to Sidon). I'm looking forward to fics, standalone art and comics that take that route. I'm sure that there will continue to be art and fanfiction that don't acknowledge ToTK or Yona, and I will surely be consuming those as well. I really hope the homophobia and general discourse towards Sidlink subsides, because it's been surprisingly overwhelming on Twitter. I also hope that there aren't people actively attacking posts about Yona. After all, muting and blocking words, tags, and accounts are options across all social media platforms.

This post will definitely be a one off for me, and I don't ever see myself making another post like this again. I honestly might also delete this post in the future now that I've properly written out my thoughts. Anyways, time to get back to drawing practice and working on my fics.

#prince sidon #sidon x link #sidlink #lady yona #tears of the kingdom ship discourse #nuanced ship take #no bashing of female characters #please do not be homophobic in my comments or dms

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cleromancy · 4 months

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there was a post that i thought about reblogging talking about like. the fandom trend of calling male characters "girl coded" that went something like (paraphrased) "those characters being men is why you care about them being victims at all"

and i was like well as a man im not going to be accusing other people of only caring about male characters, right. and i didnt want to annoy the OP by saying so in their notes on my way to get to my point lol. the point being that, like, what i can say is 100% that the reason the narratives make the kind of space for those characters that they do is bc they're men. and i can say that with confidence bc there are often female characters right next to them and we see how the narrative handles them by comparison.

so the "girl coded" thing is so... like what people usually mean by it is either 1) that their role in the narrative is one normally filled by a female character or 2) their pain or victimhood is as belittled/dismissed as a female character's would be...

and like either one isnt actually being girl coded lol. the former observation maybe has merit on its own from an analytical perspective but not when trying to make a point that a character was intended to be a girl or treated like a girl by the story. the second one is just pretty universally untrue and. wouldnt actually be girl coded even if it werent lol like thats not what that means.

and i think peoples urge to claim their blorbo is girl coded is often about like. like legitimizing both the victimhood and the caring about it. bc male victimhood exists in this weird space socially where your agency is treated like it has innate value but that same value is supposed to mean like, it can't actually be taken away. do you get what im saying. like in order for a man to be violated and for it to matter they have to be a girl.

and that crucially does not actually confer any kind of benefit to female victims either. like this attitude doesnt actually mean that female victimhood is taken any more seriously. theres almost always an inherent paradox to victimhood, and how its perceived, who gets to be a victim n whose victimhood matters, bc ultimately in the very victim blaming culture we live in the answer is nobody.

and being a victim at all pretty much does start to associate you with women and femininity. boys, maybe, can be abused, but men can't, ygm.

#queued from my drafts #fandom weird about masculinity news at 11

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sunny-reis · 1 year

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hcs - enha as college students

notes: this isn't even an x reader (it may be in the future 👀) lmao, this is all lighthearted and i by no means intend to insult or deface any of the enhas or see them fr fr this way

heeseung: comp sci major w/a music minor

deep down would definitely want his degrees to be the other way around

but he would probs realize cs just leads to more of a stable job (not with ai on the rise tho 😍 we love going into a doomed field of study)

(as a cs kid i’m ABSOLUTELY projecting onto my little headcanons about him)

i think..he’d be a NORMAL person that enjoys programming more than learning abt computer hardware or theory

seeing as he’s normal he’d HATEEEEE object-oriented programming (the complex part of programming OUGHGG)

he’d probably know exactly what to minor in for his dream job: music production

he’d DEFINITELYYY be in the school orchestra as a piano

he’s not mysterious enough for a bass, annoying enough for a violin or trumpet, or quirky enough for a cello

he’s an attention whore he wouldn’t even LOOK at the violas 💀

but yeah overall i think he’d know his plans for the future down to a T

probs has an internship at microsoft (derogatory)

now for the most important question

would he be a tech bro?

absolutely NOT

for those that aren’t as familiar with tech bros

just imagine a redditor alpha male with horribly gelled hair that brings the LOUDEST gaming pc to class with a horribly oiled, light-up keyboard, and makes sleazy comments about the one or two girls in every comp sci class

in other words: a woman in cs’ worst nightmare (send help i’m one of TWO girls in a class full of tech bros.)

but yeah he wouldn’t be like that at all

he’d definitely suck at rizzing up women (bro plays LoL in 2023, the year of our lord, need i elaborate?)

i can easily imagine him coming into class with gray sweatpants, a white t-shirt and flannel over, and a double-shot coffee from starbucks every day

he’d probably be the most decent-looking dude in every cs-related class i can’t even lie

for the dudes reading this: if you ever need an ego boost, do basic self-care and dress well (maybe even put on basic makeup), and join a cs class

the amount of mid ass incels with no concept of self-care will immediately make you the most attractive man in the class i kid you not

neways enough of me projecting 💀

as a music student

i could absolutely see him eat up every composition assignment (where you compose your own piece of music)

although i feel like he’d have a teacher that prefers classical music that’d be PISSED every time he submits something non-conventional

omg imagine him composing a whole dubstep instrumental for class

if the music production thing doesn’t work out he’d start a band with a bunch of losers in his dad’s garage and make horrible music that’d still get a decent amount of listens and attention bc he’s hot

it’s giving fallout boy but not emo

maybe shitty indie at best

more utc !

jay: english major w/a philosophy minor

first of all

his ass would NOT know philosophy is mostly math before signing up

i don’t think he’d be bad at math at all but he’d fs be regretting it all

but then he’d debate dropping out until whoop there’s only a semester left until it’s over. too late.

he’d dress up for every class for SUREEE

one word: beige.

he IS light academia pinterest

studyblr WISHES it was him fr

macbook user. i don’t need to explain.

he’d probably have his life together on the outside

bullet journal and aesthetic notion and all

i feel like he’d prefer discussions and deep thought (hence the philosophy) and debates over analysis

he’d LOVE discussing his thoughts abt different texts in class

he would NOT like writing out analyses abt random ass stories tho (hs english was a NIGHTMARE)

argumentative essays are his BITCH fr

i think he’d lose points for focusing more on broader concepts and going just a tad too off-topic in analytical essays, instead of focusing on details and cause-effect relationships and all that

now for the important part: his life outside of college

ik for a FACT he’d be the most likely to have a thriving social life outside of school out of all of enha

don’t @ me it’s not my fault the rest of them are MAIDENLESS – heeseung plays LEAGUE for crying out loud !!

probably goes out to the mall or new attractions like museums every weekend

even tho he minors in arguably one of the hardest fields of study ??

bro would finish up calc III homework in less than an hour 🤯

i bet he’d be there on a scholarship too 😒lucky ass

jake: international relations (global politics) major, no minor

note: ik the average writer would probs make him a physics major but that’s BOOOORING and overdone, plus i just don’t see it 🤷

EXTREMELY IMPORTANT NOTE !!! IR ≠ political science !!! IR focuses on politics around the world, pol sci is more of how internal governments work

(i’m also heavily projecting here bc i’m a politics student send your prayers please and thank you)

i pity IR majors

this boy is TIRED 25/8

tbh the thing with IR isn’t that the content’s hard

a (paraphrased) quote from my IR teacher: “political scientists are lazy, all they do is come up with generic concepts and slap an ‘-ism’ at the end”

it’s moreso the reading and writing.

god the reading.

politics textbooks are so big and expensive it hurts my wallet just to look at the library-issued textbook i have

he’d be running on caffeine and a prayer, no sleep we die like men

not that he’d be a bad student !!

i could definitely see him being that one student that asks the teacher the silent questions no one asks bc they think it’ll make them look stupid (ie. asking them to repeat what they just said or explain a not-so-complex theory)

would definitely word vomit about politics, current and past, to the rest of the enhas (but just to make sure he remembers it all, you gotta respect the grind man)

none of them would understand a thing

jake: “yeah so it’s stupid how there are a whole bunch of states fighting over the south china sea when it’s technically international waters [please don’t quote me on this it’s like 2 am and i’m pulling stuff out of my ass] and therefore has no legal ‘owner’ haha isn’t that stupid?”

the rest of enha, maybe except for jay: 👁️👄👁️

jay: “ermmm akshully 🤓👆it’s in the name, china has legal rights over the south CHINA sea bc it borders it”

i can picture it vividly

imma be honest this man would be a MESS

he’d probably make (futile) attempts to get his shit together like a notion pro subscription, trying to sleep on time, a gym membership, you name it

sadly that’s just the life of a politics student

it’s so hectic it’d be hard to keep up with, but it’s jake, he’d somehow stay afloat

he’d probably come to his minimum wage job after class half-dead but his manager and coworkers would take pity on him and let him sleep in the janitor’s closet

would probably be clinging to the whole “just get through tomorrow and it’ll get better” mentality

it does not. sigh

sunghoon: undeclared until sophomnore (second) year, kinesiology (bio?) major

man honestly

this mf would be irrelevant

probs has a generic major and says absolutely nothing in class

if you blink he’d probs disappear

i feel like he’d initially wanna go for med but then he’d hear about the whole you’re-gonna-sacrifice-the-best-years-of-your-life-for-this-field-of-study thing and said NOPE lmao

which is reasonable

with the amount of ppl doing med in the world he wouldn’t think it’d make a difference if he decided to switch

i feel like he’d just be there for the ride 💀smth abt wanting to “experience all life has to offer” (not in a rich, just here for the business degree way, but more of an “i don’t need a degree to get a job but it might make it easier” way)

so yeah he decides to major in kinesiology, the study of movement according to google

disclaimer i’m not a bio person at ALL so any misinformation is completely unintentional and i will NOT be held at gunpoint to do research about a college major for HEADCANONS at ass o’clock in the morning

neways

he has a decently light workload and therefore a healthy amount of free time

on the occasional he does get a painful assignment he’d procrastinate until he’d staying up and cussing out his past self for not doing it earlier

tbh i don’t think he’d be a horrible OR amazing student

he’s truly MID mid

maybe an average of like … 75% which really isn’t bad tbh the american education system has conditioned us into thinking it is but let’s be fr other than philly cheese steaks what exactly have we ever gotten right.

….neways again

he’d be something like a jack of all trades, master of none

overall a chill guy 9/10 would be fun to hang out with

now for the best part

frat boy sunghoon

idk anything abt frat or sorority life – i’m asian the only thing close to a sorority i’d be in would be like … the school orchestra or book club 💀my parents would kill me – so don’t take everything i say for gospel

you bet your ass he’d be at every party

100% for the booze and vibes he wouldn’t even be there to flirt or rizz ppl up (he’s a self-aware man he knows he has negative rizz but that’s what makes him so ALLURING)

wouldn’t get high or anything tho he’s not all abt that life (that life being running away from the popo)

i’d trust him to walk me home tbh

he wouldn’t hurt a fly the most he’d do is like … attempt to verbally abuse jay

sunoo: art major, english lit. minor

you saw it coming don’t lie

NEWAYS

he’d be amazing at art honestly

making a portfolio would be his Thing yk

yk those big artists that are all about “working on the impulse” and not doing anything until they do ridiculous shit to get over art block

that’s him

but he slays every time he gets over it

god i feel like he’d be the perfect college friend after jay

he definitely has his shit together

i’m talking he does his assignments on time, probably has a half-paid merit scholarship, works a decent job at a taco bell just off of campus, and somehow has a will to live and time to go to the mall every weekend

the thing is, he’s not the most perfect college friend bc he’s slightly more fun-focused and free-spirited than jay, who’s a perfect mix of both

neways no more talking abt other enhas it’s sunoo’s time to shine 😠

i bet his dorm would be the most organized and decorated too oughhgh

he’d be the lucky mf that gets the biggest dorm on the first floor (with like two other roommates but they respect his privacy and all that)

he’d probably be able to get away with dorm policy violations (ie. cooking with an iron or something Not meant for cooking in his dorm instead of the nasty ass moldy ass communal kitchen) by batting his eyelashes and sweet-talking to the woman that oversees the dorms or smth (i’m blanking and i completely forgot what it’s called)

overall the luckiest bitch ever

we should all aspire to be sunoo tbh

if you’re a man and you’re not sunoo … thin fucking ice. do better. /hj

jungwon: biochem major, going for med (specifically oncology, the study of cancer?)

sorry in advance to any ppl in medical 🫶i’m gonna get every part of this wrong lmao

he’s one of Those Guys that’s known exactly what they’re doing since like … middle school

important question: would it be bc he gave into the classic asian parent pressure into becoming a doctor?

they might've played a tiny role in it but i think he'd genuinely wanna go into medical bc he's insane

definitely gets the best scores out of everyone in his class (idk if they use bell curves in med but if not he’d get solid 90s on everything)

i could see him with his life together tbh

homework always done a week before, healthy lunches he makes himself, clear skin, all that jazz

definitely has a merit-based scholarship

probably got a 1560 on the SAT too 😒 lucky ass bitch

i hate to say it

i really do

but he'd be the mf that reminds the teacher abt homework

“ermmmm mr. kim you said we had a pop quiz at the end of class” followed by him being beaten to a pulp

(w reaction/lh)

really cares about getting into a good med school

would DEFINITELY have like two internships every summer

so to recap: basically every asian med student ever (i’m friends with far too many rip med kids)

at least they won't be replaced with ai …

heeseung crying in the distance

NEWAYS

for a med student i feel like he’d be busy 24/7 but he wouldn’t Look like it?

like if you’ve seen a med student, even in hs, they look like they lost a fight to a rabid raccoon

but for some reason jungwon has his shit together like the neurotypical know-it-all he is 😒/lh please don’t kill me

seeing as he’s known what he wants to do since like … middle school in this au, i think he’d fs be on top of all the content he’s learned, if not ahead of everyone else

i’d trust him to be my doctor 🫡

actually no i wouldn’t

riki: theater major w/a visual art minor (get it bc he’s a minor) (i’m hilarious LAUGH)

he’s a quiet little guy, definitely sits in the back of the lecture hall

would milk the SHIT out of being a minority for scholarships and applications

i'm talking his common app essay abt being socially isolated and politically aware, i'm talking abt using any and all minority scholarships possible – in the eyes of the law (and the college board), riki is now half hispanic

i’d say his grades would be pretty decent, not much in the A+ zone (96-100) but at the very least, B+’s

really not that bad tbh

he’d SO be a theater kid in hs

tell me he wouldn't be those mfs that have the whole hamilton soundtrack memorized and break out into random song and dance at inappropriate times

i bet he’d ship hamilton and laurens 💀

neways

i feel like he'd like art as a class but suck at meeting deadlines and portfolio assignments n stuff

which is valid tbh i don’t think any kind of teacher of the arts (not just visual) should be too strict abt that

classes with him and sunoo would make him INSUFFERABLE omg

if you put them next to e/o they won't shut up

which is cute don't get me wrong

but makes trying to work IMPOSSIBLE

but when they're separated he’d be dead silent

you wouldn't even notice he's there tbh

overall a dedicated student with the occasional tendency to be silly and goofy

i feel like his resume would be pretty to make up for the lack of content actually on it

i'm talking canva pro graphics, fancy fonts, graphic design is his passion (not literally)

logically the best career path for him based on his degrees would be a set designer …

but obv he’s either an actor or the manager

probably an actor being a stage manager SUCKS

(don’t get me wrong it’s fun i’ve done it before but oh my GOD. if you ever wanna lose hair really fast become a backstage manager it’ll work 100%)

bonus: best-dressed in class

sunoo - you’ll never catch him slipping tbh 🤷 he’d have the most free time out of the others and would probably spend his time going out and putting together silly little outfits and being cute and adorable bc it’s kim sunoo That’s Just How He Is

jay - light academia light academia light academia light academia light academia

sunghoon (unintentionally) - his sense of style in college would be mid, truly meh, nothing special to look at but his looks make up for the boring attire (hubba hubba 😍) – the type to wear a white t-shirt, timbs, and jeans to class every day (get it 2017 jungkook 😍), maybe even a jacket. his sense of style would be as spicy as salt so not spicy at all, it’s giving unseasoned, boiled chicken

riki - he just Doesn’t Care but thankfully all the items in his closet would be usable (thanks to sunoo, that man would NOT let riki leave the house without running his outfits by him. his logic is that no best friend of his should look like a dumpsterfire !!)

jungwon - similar to jake, no time !! matching sweatshirts and sweatpants ftw

jake - politics majors have no sanity or connection to the real world bc it drives you INSANE after a month, cut him some slack :(

heeseung - the venn diagram of ppl with no sense of fashion and cs majors is a circle.

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aledanshi · 2 months

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Wow, it's been a while since I've been here...

Anyways, huh... I have a new fic?

I'm really trying hard to work on this one, and if anyone knows me you know it's about a rarepair.

Spoilers under the cut, TW for underage, abuse and death

So basically, this is a Slimebit fic, but the story also revolves around JuanaFlippa. It's a modern-ish AU where Cellbit is the preteen son of Philza and his father's friend, Slime, is going through a really tough grief period after his teen daughter passed away from a terminal illness.

Slime is a terribly broken man, but nobody knows to what extent yet. Everyone only has a vague understanding of how things regarding his divorce and the death of his daughter went, no one knows what goes on behind the curtains, especially because he's a very secluded guy who lives in a remote beach cabin.

Cellbit, however, wants to put himself to the task of trying to help him.

And it backfires. Terribly.

You see, after JuanaFlippa died, Slime tried to cling really hard to her memory, to things that reminded him of her, and Cellbit also reminds him an awful lot of her, with his brown hair, blue eyes and his kind expression.

And when this kid offers him the simplest gesture of a hug during her funeral, the only gesture of affection he'd received since her death, it snapped something inside of him.

So, he goes to Philza the next week and asks to babysit Cellbit for a bit. He's lonely in his own house and he hasn't been taking care of himself properly, but someone's presence there with him might just make things more bearable. He takes Cellbit to his cabin, they sleep together on the couch after watching a few movies, it's a great experience overall.

And Cellbit, you see, is a very analytic kid. You could say he has a niche interest in learning about the human psyche (*cough* it's autism *cough*), and he knows that Slime is going through a similar experience to what his own dad went through when his parents divorced. He knows that people who are going through depressive periods need company and support, so he puts himself up to the task of helping him.

Poor thing...

Now, I won't give too many spoilers, because the introduction in the fic itself also gives a little bit of spoilers (it was kind of an accident bc it started as a smut oneshot but now its going to be a multi chapter whumpfest so whatever–), and the fic also doesn't have an english translation bc it's going to be long and I've just started it (sorry (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)), but I ask that you check it out either way! I'm really hyped for this one and really want to continue writing it!

Also I will warn that there's going to be lots of graphic stuff down the line, so if you're not comfortable with reading underage noncon it's probably not going to be the best fic for you. There will also not be a "happy ending" to this fic, at least in the classical sense, but you can probably figure that out by the warning tags.

Check it out!

#aledanshi's deranged writings #🐈🦠

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doorsclosingslowly · 3 months

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1, 4, 14, 17?

1 Have you written scenes (sex or otherwise) that actually made you feel uncomfortable, and how did you deal? To be honest when I'm writing--- or even when I'm reading in an analytical mindset--- there are so many layers of word choice and paragraph construction and scene construction and unstated motivations and character assumptions and themes and what vocabulary the narrator would use, that i am reallly insulated from the emotional impact of it all. I'm not experiencing anything, I'm building it.

Things that I potentially find upsetting in that mindset is for example whether i'm through making the fictional world work a certain way advance a view of how the real world works that i find reprehensible & in that case I'll deal by figuring out how the world actually works and how to portray that. If that's too abstracted--- since i've done a ton of research on torture and that's a topic i care about not writing in a reductive and pro-torture way, let's use that. writing a scene in which a character tortures another and gets the right information rests on a lot of assumptions on how the world works that are not given in most torture cases acc to research, because it's basically working backwards: this guy has the info, how do we get it out of him bc that needs to happen narratively. In real life however this is complicated by facts like, mostly the torture victim is just a person the torturer *thinks* is guilty and they will say things because they're in pain in the hope it will stop. The torturer has no magic knowledge of the truth--- they can't know what thing said is true and whether their victim knows a thing. But in fiction writing the author knows both and it's easy to, just by the omniscience of writing, make torture an effective tool (not getting into deskilling of torturers, breakdown of trust, stress impact on memory etc etc here this is long enough)

4 Do you write in public? Like where people can see your screen? I used to write in public more but that was bc I spent more time out and about, now I'm just kind of a hermit. I've written body horror on the desktop pc in the uni library in full view I don't really care. I often print out drafts and go over them in biro too and I don't really hide that I'm revising a text there too.

14 What’s your favourite way to emotionally destroy your favourite character? I would say, I generally let canon do it and just heighten the destruction by really imagining how it would feel and impact them. But I kind of feel like a cheater bc I'm currently castrating Gríma Wormtongue. So, nonconsensual body change too.

17 If you could steal one fic from any other writer and claim it as your own, what would you take? Honestly what I love about fic is that everyone is bringing their own obsessions and lives into their work and I could never write the stories I love most, just as I don't think anyone else could write my fic. I don't care much about acclaim or comment number go up anymore either, just interaction. I don't want to claim anyone's fic.

... unless that means I get to rewrite it a bit because ok, this is not about my favourite of all time but still a fic I'm very fond of but frustrated by in one aspect. It's a LOTR isekai het orc romance don't judge me but anyway, the young woman from our world meets a young orc and falls in love and has the MOST piv centric het idea of sex I swear, only putting the dick in the vadge counts and like, you have no birth control and you're fighting sauron!! just finger each other. stripteases. anything. please. i really like the fic and the growing attraction between the two but their only options are not chaste little kiss and vaginal penetration

Thank you!

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tuliptyper · 2 years

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HI SORRY FOR THE VAGUE REQUESTS BUT I WANNA HEAR ANY THOUGHTS U HAVE ON DOOMHEAD OR FOXY i enjoy them so badly 🙏 no pressure ofc pls take ur time mwah

YES OFC!! ANYTIME FOR U MOOT 🙏🧎

im sorry i only did doomhead bc i had more ideas for him and it looked weird to have like paragraphs abt DH and 4 sentences about foxy 😭😭 ill write a separate post about him if you want nws!!

rlly messy post, a mix of thoughts + headcanons with a LOT of projection (potentially ooc) proofread but still shitty

LONG POST!

TW for suggestive themes and angst i mean...this is doomhead we're talking about

- my backstory headcanons differ slightly from yours (please check out imeldas DH headcanons theyre great!);

- i think he came from a well-off family but was definitely abused and neglected. growing up in the time and place that he did, he had no support and was forced to take his future into his own hands. he probably ran away or estranged himself from his family as early as possible (possibly stealing a few stacks to keep him afloat)

- pre 31 he was most likely a petty criminal who got mixed up in some violence, possibly word got around and he was picked up by Father Murder (i imagine it the same way models are recruited on the street and thats funny)

- i agree that hes been in 31 since its conception, hes definitely the top dog, the most reliable and efficient Head out there. I'd like to think Father taught him a thing or two about hunting numbers down (and how to clean his messier kills) so younger/less experienced Heads definitely aim to be at least acknowledged by him

- i think doomie does many odd jobs just to pass time between 31 ; security at seedy bars, occasional plumbing/installation jobs etc. not only does it help with his small-time acting (being able to play and adapt to many roles) but it also allows him to slip into the background of the community. hes not too important but not too insignificant either

- i think the face paint and theatrics was his idea. i believe Father (and co) are just hardcore snuff/sadists and just wanted to see their victims in fear, but DH really took it upon himself to add character (and subsequently more fear) to his job! slay

- being involved with 31 and all, i think he has a few connections with organized criminals, especially considering he has to obtain fake IDs and alibis. hes grown quite friendly with a few respected mobsters and its rewarded him handsomely

- with all this said! i don't think hes some perfectly suave, totally composed Casanova, i believe hes really scared of feeling vulnerable and that makes it hard for him to form any relationships that arent superficial, simply because he doesnt know how to cope well with feeling exposed and emotional around others.

- i diagnose him with (gay) BPD and i think hes very insecure abt that fact. he was probably taught that his emotions were bad so he puts extensive effort into seeming composed and put together around people. one good thing about 31 is that its a space where his bizarre outbursts or even mania is not only accepted but embraced/rewarded so hes got that going for him i guess??

- i think, deep down, he'd really love a somewhat domestic relationship; having somebody at home to eat with, a partner he can rely on, to be cared for and care for someone else. hes a sap at heart, hes just very scared of showing it

- probably wouldn't want kids, even in an accidental knock-up, he'd slip his baby mama plenty of scratch and encourage her to find a man thatll support them. he can always be the distant but fatherly family friend but thats really it (UNLESS you're his s/o then thats a completely different story-)

- probably neurodivergent in some way, simply because i see him as incredibly observant, analytical and calculated when hes focused/interested, traits i typically see in other ND people lol

- my doomhead is definitely queer, he doesnt use labels but i see him spending time at drag shows (in the corner silently handing the queen a stack of cash LOL) at underground gay bars (and had a few fellas for company ykk😏) hes more than aware of the struggles of having no family to support you and needing to make ends meet no matter what (since hes been there himself) so he has respect for such folks

- hes SO committal, especially because he doesn't have many healthy long term relationships. hookups dont mean much to him and really just give him dopamine boosts during the lull of a lonely life (#bars). if you're his s/o, you're his life partner, he would kill and die for you 100%. even if you guys split he would probably just give up on relationships then and there (as sad as that sounds lmao)

- ik the movie is set in the 70s but in a modern setting, i think he'd listen to some quirky, creepy music. probably genres like glam rock and dark cabaret (think scissor sisters and the dresden dolls)

- on that topic!! some songs that remind me of him include

#doomhead <3 #rqs #slasher x reader #slasher community #slasher imagines #rob zombies 31 #31 #doomhead x reader

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neo-shitty · 2 years

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toffeeeeee, i saw the book ask game and!! i had to shdjdk. sorry if there's too many, you can answer however many you like ;-;

17, 25, 28, 42, 50, 55, 60, 63, 80, 94 and 135 !! (´-﹏-`；) hehe <3

me when i saw how many numbers this ask had !! thank you so much ivy, i hope my recs deliver somehow ;n; (also this had me thinking harder than i did on an essay i just submitted HJSHA I LOVE IT)

book recs ask game!

#17 - a book with a yellow cover

men without women by haruki murakami, a short story collection about men with no bitches /j,, the stories aren't correlated to one another and i had no major takeaway but i enjoyed 1 story out of the 7 which was the independent organ (bc i related to the guy and it got pretty sad, i like that shit). this feels like a compilation of murakami's random thoughts, literal ideas out of nowhere and inherently hard to find any deeper meaning into it but maybe that's just my lack of analytical skill.

#25 - a book by your favourite author

unfortunately, i no longer have a favorite author but the last one i acknowledged was marie lu so... legend. prolly her most popular work but not my favorite. her writing has the ability to single-handedly bring me out of reading slumps and i think i read almost every book she wrote. got a few world-building, plot-twisting techniques from her too!!

#28 - a book you wish you could read as a beginner again

mentioned a thousand times atp, looking for alaska :'D by john green :'D the money i'd give just to reread that for the first time bc i have paragraphs of it memorized now HJSHA i think this sparked my love for angsty things

#42 - a book that made you want to scream by the time you got to the end

i had a different book for this at first until i remember this one read that was so bad i wanted to forget about it. never let this go by kazuo ishiguro. YES, the story had a serious topic in its undertone but i just couldn't appreciate it anymore with how much of a drag everything else was. it reads like one of those tiktok series vids that are like 'follow for part 2'. BITCH!! JUST GET ON WITH IT!! the number of times this book goes (not a spoiler, just a bad example) "i'll tell you why i burned the house down but first let me tell you about my friend's boyfriend" LIKE I CARE ABT THAT RN??? god just thinking abt it is making my blood boil

#50 - a book that made you cry a LOT

THERE IS ONLY ONE!!! HOUSE OF HADES BY RICK RIORDAN. i know, kinda hard to get to and i'm not even sure if this would make you cry. it had me bawling tho, tear-blurred vision as i waded to the last page. it was that bad. if you're looking for a tear-jerker that i know made others cry, a little life by hanya yanagihara.

#55 - a book with a satisfying ending

again, for me, it's a little life. there was something about how i finished that book that left me feeling relieved. not only bc it was one chonky ass book but bc i barely read things where the ending i want is the ending i actually get.

#60 - a book that you think about at 3am

things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eddie larocca. told in e-mail correspondence between two women, they have a 50 shades of grey-esque arrangement but it gets from 0 to 1000 so quick. i'm gonna step aside and let my review speak for itself.

#63 - a book that actually made you laugh out loud

the blood of olympus by rick riordan, last book of the hoo series. sorry my tearjerker and biggest laugh are from the same middle-grade series. adult fiction doesn't draw much emotions from me (except maybe frustration), they just leave me mortified.

#80 - a book that reminds you of a loved one

norwegian wood by haruki murakami. a close friend recommended this to me and because he said the book mirrored his life, it's forever tied with him now. while the story in itself didn't appeal to me that much, i had fun pointing out which parts of the book and his life overlapped.

#94 - a book about grieving

on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong. while the book doesn't explicitly state that it's about grieving, it reads like it is. it's almost as if the main character is grieving for a life he cannot have and mourning for people who are still alive.

#135 - recommend any book you like!

i think i recommended this before when i mentioned your writing reads like a murakami book HAHA after dark !!

#can you tell i had so much fun doing this <3__<3 #thank you so much #i really had to think this through but it got my gears working #and i hope at least one of these books appeal to you :')#if any of them do so please feel free to tell me abt it <3 #chogiwow #toff.asks

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gopeachllama · 3 years

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My hopes for the VA tv show

So i got into vampire academy when i was in like grade 8/9 i think? So i would have been in my early teens. It's a book series that is very near-perfect to me, and it is very dear to my heart bc it's been with me for so long. That being said, i will be the first one to admit that there is a serious lack of diverse representation. Like i said before, i got into it almost ten years ago, and back then, even as a poc growing up as a minority, i was aware of this however it wasn't much of an issue for me mainly becuase it wasn't a issue for the people (the non-pocs) around me. Now that va is being developed into a tv series, i think this would be the perfect opportunity to change some things up to include more diverse characters. I've seen that there's already qutie a few people on here dicussing the sexualities of the characters, and they're really great. But this conversation is about race-bending. For anyone that wants to contribute to this post, i'm all up for kind and careful dicussions, it's not my intention to offend anyone, and i'm not trashing the series or it's creator.

Also the points about diversity and race in particular shouldn't be dimissed just because it's a fantasy/paranormal genre. Yes it is a fantasy/paranormal series but it is set in the real modern world, where issues like race and prejudice are relavent! You can't just ignore it. Also im sure that a lot of va stan are like me, in that they got into it at a very young age and now are older and also find these issue important to them, whether they are a poc or not.

Just a warning there will be a lot of spoilers (also random spiderman homecoming spoilers) in this post, so for anyone that hasn't read the books proceed with caution.

So firstly, i want to talk about the characters that won't be changed. Dimitri will obviously be russian. I like the idea that the royal families originating from european countries, so alot of the royals in this series lissa, adrian, victor etc. i think should stay white. It reflects a lot of the real world issues about how the people in 'higher class' western societies are mainly white. this is more personal but i have this weird headcannon that christian is like half-southeast asian (i say south-east asian bc i am also, and i would love more representation of my race (s/o to any of my sri lankan book stans if y'all even exist on here!!)) In the later books there is a focus on the prejudice regarding his relationship with lissa. this is due to the fact that his family is shun from the other royal bc of his parents willingly turning. It was a good plot point, but there was somthing about taking the real world prejudice of interracial relationship and using here between two white characters and framing it as something else that just rubs me off the wrong way (again, i never had these feelings as i was reading it for the first time, it was only until i got older that issues like race a representations became more important to me). This way, they can keep still keep the bit about christian's parents and race-bending christian would have any affect on the overall story. Rose (my baby) she could be made fully persian but if they stick with her being biracial, then i hope when it comes to casting that they find someone that has more persian physical features rather than someone with more eurocentric features.

Now for the main characters I think should be race-bent are eddie, jill and sydeny should be black. For eddie, i first thought that mason should be race-bent but then this would be a major problem in the second book because of the harmful sterotype about black people always being the first (major character) to die (i am STILL taumatised over mason's death and its going to destroy me all over again when i see it with my own two eyes).

Sydney, as far as i know, there's nothing in the books that make is pivitol for her to be white. And while is important to be diverse with race, it's important to be diverse with black characters in itself. Sydney has always been such an interesting character to me. she's analytical and methodical, she's book smart, and she's almost the complete opposite of rose, but doesn't make her any less a compelling character. So much in books, movies and tv shows, black females characters are mainly potrayed as strong, hardass, take-no-prisoners (sometimes even hyper-sexualised) type personalities. So rarely do we see them as with characteristic like sydeny's, so i think it would be really great to show this. Also her relationship with adrian has a lot of the same points with i said about christian's relationship with lissa regarding prejudice.

With Jill, i noticed that in the books, Mead sort of goes out for her way to describe her physical appearance, so that when later it is revealed that she is lissa's half sister, the readers are able to think "oh yeah of course they look really similar" and so it doesn't seem like a telenovella style outrageous plot twist. But for this i want to quickly talk about how in spiderman homecoming, peter's love interest who is black, is revealed to be the daughter of the villan who is white. For me, it was amazing reveal and something i was not expecting at all, but at the same time, its wasn't hard for me to believe because of course birracial people exist. I think it would be really cool to do the same thing here with Jill. It a great way to subvert people's expectations and wouldn't make the plot twist any less unreasonable. Aslo from what i can remember there are no black vampires?? for some reason? that was always kinda weird to me. Also with the three of these character's being black, they can still maintain the storyline of them passing off as siblings when they're in hiding, that is if they ever adapt the bloodlines storyline too.

Whether or not these characters, or any of the characters, will be race-bent, it won't change my experince with the book series. Like I said at the start, vampire academy will always be THAT series for me. The world-building is simple and easy to follow but the plot and characters are so compelling. But this upcoming tv adaptions would be a good oppotuny to address the very few things i (and a lot of other diverse readers) have with it.

#va #vampire academy #richelle mead #julie plec #rose hathaway #dimitri belikov #lissa dragomir #christian ozera #sydney sage #adrian ivashkov #jill mastrano #eddie catile #romitri #sydrian

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amazingphilza · 4 years

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DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS

i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]

,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL

also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3

character origin :

previous life was the l’mantree :D

allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)

reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree

i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]

appearance :

my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue

clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms

lore / history :

since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree

after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg

however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point

i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters

but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character

i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,

he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))

vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos

i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions

“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos

but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need

i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it

but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory

unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...

to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot

not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg

he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people

connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur

i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?

like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?

i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions

but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth

in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with

like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough

but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,

maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person

ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,

surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead

but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,

personality :

to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side

however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out

in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding

i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions

i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though

schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j

because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical

i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves

maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people

like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)

i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived

everything is a constant blur hehe

i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!

in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people

but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”

we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,

but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream

there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth

like who am i really?

powers , bonuses , etc :

since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???

i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well

maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff

assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—

i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows

seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)

like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general

you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)

i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool

i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO

omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow

also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j

i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—

since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj

i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree

like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now

he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it

not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway

canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj

also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D

also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff

and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj

apples am i right chat,,,,,

i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples

“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j

ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere

like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc

i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting

oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???

i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch

also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,

big existential crisis pls

and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg

lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j

oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]

ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything

not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost

yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D

like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?

tubbo’s gangnam style who?

like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future

on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows

also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff

anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO

and lastly if u read all of this ily /p

i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya

#bee for dream smp 2021 /j #dsmp headcanon #dream smp oc #dreamsmp headcanon #dsmp hc #mcyt x oc #dsmp x oc

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wheresmynaya · 3 years

Note

Thank you sooo much for the thoughtful and lengthy response. I’ve been writing for only a few months in terms of multi-chaps (I focused on one shots mostly) and I thought I was being ridiculous about caring about reviews. You’re completely right, it’s not the “I love this!” Or “please update soon!” I much prefer laser eyes that pick apart my writing than just simple comments. I get lengthy reviews and dms when a conflict arises, but when I dive into character background such as family relationships and why they are the way the are, I get significantly less feedback. The way I have the story written, background is so relevant to how the characters act, so that’s why I’m stumped.

I hadn’t thought about the whole readers sussing you out thing but it definitely makes sense. There’s some themes are reoccurring in my story to drive a point before coming full circle, but I can see how readers can mistake that as “this shit again” 😂😂. Ill be more patient in terms of that. Who knew I needed benefit of the doubt lol

I’ll definitely take your tips into consideration and come through again. I love that you put as much thought into your writing process as the story itself. This was very helpful, thanks a ton!

Oh good, I’m glad it helped! 😅 We can preach all day about writing stories the way we want to but deep down we thrive on the applause too lol so there’s no shame in it.

The backstory part is interesting though. While it’s necessary to the characters, take a closer look at how you’re explaining it? I’ve read some stories where it’s too in depth that it loses me and I’ve read some where it’s very cut and dry and I get bored so I end up speed reading. One of the best advices I’ve seen is that readers are smart and want to feel smart, so not everything needs to be said if that makes sense. I used to hate the feedback of “oh I knew that was going to happen!” Bc I thought it meant that I was being predictable and that’s like the worst thing you can say to me lol. But really, those comments are actually so reassuring! They let me know that a reader was able to follow all those breadcrumbs I placed throughout the story to this exact moment which was the goal so we both win.

I love leaving breadcrumbs (little bits of info throughout the story) where the reader can put them all together to create the but picture rather than me taking the time to show them the big picture all in one chapter. I don’t necessarily have to say “this person is like this bc a long time ago they did this and that” bc I let the reader fill in the blanks. It goes back to making the reader feel smart bc who doesn’t want to feel that way while reading? Sometimes you have to intervene tho and spell it out but I think those are reserved for big backstory moments, so maybe try dabbling in that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Another thing that could encourage more feedback might be the time/day that you post your updates. I look at it as a marketing thing (lol bc what else do I use my new business degree for). I find that posting around the weekend means people generally have more free time on their hands and will potentially be more inclined to leaving a review. Same goes with the time you post. My analytics show that most of my readers are American so I always post on American time although I live in Australia. A lot of my reviews I think come down to my consistency as well; not to say you need to post every week bc that shit is hard LOL but maybe create a type of schedule? I find that a lot of new readers a drawn to stories that won’t leave them hanging so they don’t want to take the time to get invested only for it to go abandoned or incomplete. I wish more non writers understood that writers run out of juice at random times so it’s hard to stay consistent, but I think it’s talked about a lot more recently than it was when I first started. Most readers can tell when you’re passionate about your work though so I you’ll get there! 💪🏽

#writing things #I’m on mobile so I can’t under the cut it so soz if this is long lol

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angeltrapz · 3 years

Note

ALSO your takes on this lil Strahm/Adam thing we’ve been discussing?? hi???? tht dynamic makes me insane i love it sm + am very excited 2 hear more of ur thoughts 💗

I'm answering this one first bc!!!!!! It makes me insane too like I cannot stop thinking abt it. I am Trying 2 put together a fic abt it!!!

Okay so. I think that Adam and Strahm are similar in several ways, and yet not at the same time. Adam is accused of being apathetic by Jigsaw, right? But we're obviously shown that it's not exactly the case; if anything, Adam's supposed apathy is a shield to protect who he really is: someone who cares deeply, maybe more than he should; someone intensely thoughtful, someone willing to keep things from people if he knows it'll hurt them while also functioning as self-preservation (not showing the polaroid to Lawrence, hiding the fact that the trash bag contained both the hacksaws AND the pictures he took), someone who altogether simply cannot truly be defined as apathetic at his core. His projected persona, however, is a completely different story - Adam is angry, bitter, jaded. And yes, he is angry, bitter in regards to his circumstances, jaded in a way that comes from a life spent living paycheck to paycheck if he could even manage that regularly. We've seen his apartment. This dude struggles. Apathetic, no, but angry? Oh, absolutely.

Strahm is... slightly more complicated. HIS projected persona is one of cool indifference, no nonsense, someone purely analytical and maybe a bit of an asshole about it. The thing is, though, is that deep down, Strahm also cares deeply - just look at how he reacted to Perez being injured + having to call her mom, when he destroyed that office room - it's just harder to get out of him. His projected persona hides someone whose emotions run just as hotly and strongly; his are just more well-hidden. He is impulsive, intelligent, result-seeking. Strahm doesn't seem like someone who allows himself to just feel things very often, and when he does, the blowout can be a fucking mess (for example, showing up to the packing plant BY HIMSELF, operating on adrenaline and rage alone).

I think, other than Perez perhaps, Adam just may be the first person to understand Strahm in a way that no one else has even attempted. Adam might be the first person who manages to see past that indifference, who embraces the writhing emotions underneath it because he gets it. And Adam is absolutely one of the very first people to look at Hoffman the way he and Perez did - after all, Adam is present in Strahm's hospital room when Hoffman pays him a visit and tells him to back the fuck off, and after the man leaves, the first thing he says to Strahm is "It's him, isn't it?"

Because he sees it too. He'd been in Hoffman's presence for all of around five minutes and he'd seen it too.

And just how world-shattering can that simple revelation be? For the first time, Strahm has someone other than Perez on his side. She's gone, there's nothing he can do to bring her back, but here is someone else who sees what he sees, feels what he feels, in a strange echo of the test that brought Strahm and Perez into this whole fucking mess. Here is someone who has no reason to agree with him, no prior pressure put upon him and someone who Strahm feels wouldn't simply agree with him on that basis anyway (as you've touched on before), and yet Adam sees it too.

I feel like, in the tensely energized space the two of them share in that room after Hoffman leaves, that is one of the very first times Strahm feels seen. He doesn't feel the need to keep his shields up, and it's liberating, in a way. He feels like he can breathe around Adam. For reasons even he isn't entirely sure of, Strahm feels safe here. He can be himself, even if that self is angry, bitter, jaded. Who better to understand that than Adam Faulkner-Stanheight?

It's a feeling that only increases after they're discharged from the hospital. There's no real reason for the two of them to stay together, no obligations (except the fact that Strahm saved Adam's life, but Strahm doesn't hold that over him & Adam doesn't stick around purely because of it), and yet they do. It's two weeks after they're sent home that Adam shows up at Strahm's apartment, shaking softly and looking so fucking miserable that Strahm couldn't even dream of turning him away - after all, he gave him the address. An unspoken agreement, an offering of companionship.

Adam has been thinking. He and Strahm, they're tied together in more than one way, aren't they? Not just their shields and safeguards, not just the similarities in their true, deep-down emotions, not even having been targeted by Jigsaw and surviving things they shouldn't have - they've both lost people. Strahm is never getting Perez back, and Adam? Adam bonded with a man in that bathroom who shot him and told him he'd come back, but never did. He never looked back. His other potential saviour, Amanda Young? Her idea of rescue was a plastic bag over his head, but even she couldn't commit to the idea. She left him there, too. He's not getting Lawrence back, he knows that. Jigsaw took something, someone, from both of them. So, he proposes, what if we did something about it?

(Strahm still thinks about when they first met, when Adam told him he loved him. He can't help it, of course he thinks about it; knowing Adam was delirious with blood loss and a dizzying combo of dehydration and starvation and infection didn't cut into the feeling the earnest declaration gave him, even if it should've. Adam stuck around when he didn't have to. He wants him here.)

They've lost everything. Adam, his peace of mind, the uncertain semi-stability of his life, functionality in his arm, one of the first people he'd made a genuine connection with. Strahm, his best friend, his colleagues' trust, the safety that came with observing the case from a distance. They have nothing and yet they have each other. They both want Jigsaw to pay for what he's done to them and the people they care about, and the innocent people they never even knew. Why shouldn't they?

Like you said, I don't think they get in the coffin. I agree with you and I think that Adam is the catalyst there, the one voice of reason that drags Strahm away from certain death before he even has the chance to get ensnared permanently in Hoffman's web. They don't even listen to the tape. They just hightail it. And it's outside of that building, chests heaving and hands shaking, that it all kind of sets in for Strahm: he could've died. Hoffman could have killed him like he wanted and he would've walked right into it had he been alone. Adam, completely unconscious of the gravity of Strahm's revelation, had turned around and saved his life, repaid a favour he didn't really owe but wanted to fulfill.

And again, like you said, it's not really a favour, is it? Not when instead of laughing in an expelling of nervous energy Adam leans up and drags Strahm down by the lapels of his jacket and kisses him hard, grip white-knuckled and short breaths huffed through his nose. No, there is the same kind of reverence to be found in the way that Adam cradles his face in his trembling hands and breathes out "You're alive," as the kind that could be heard in that first I love you. There's nothing else that Adam has to say for Strahm to understand. He just pulls him close because he needs this, too. He has spent so long living his life as someone who doesn't need tenderness, doesn't need people to care about him, feels safer in isolation than anything else, and now he doesn't feel the need anymore. He is changed, in this way, but Adam accepts it readily, and though Strahm can't say it back when Adam finally slumps against him and breathes out "I love you" against his shoulder, no fever or delirium to compromise the meaning, he feels it all the same.

They understand each other, hold each other. They have work to do, and lots of it - Hoffman's going to be rampaging in a blaze of enraged glory soon enough, knowing that Strahm (and, by extension, Adam) got away, and they're going to need a plan - but right now, they can breathe. Right now, all either of them needs is knowing the other is alive, that they'd made it through something that for all intents and purposes was meant to kill them. Strahm can't just walk away. Adam knows this; he doesn't think he can, either. Two people who are more similar than they could've ever dreamed, brought together in one of the worst ways imaginable and yet in a way that has served as a lifesaver - not Jigsaw, fuck that. They want to live. For themselves, for each other, for everyone who didn't make it out. For the people they can't get back.

It's a kind of understanding that's entirely foreign to both of them, but as they hole up in Strahm's apartment after, huddled close on the couch because neither of them can sleep and they're trembling for reasons other than just the caffeine buzz of coffee, it's one that they can learn to adapt to. They can do this. They're going to save lives. They're going to do this hand-in-hand. They have each other's backs, without the shadow of a doubt.

And, really, is that not love?

#strahm #adam #asks #THANK UUU god this dynamic makes me lose it!!!#I am so so glad I'm not the only one thinking abt them the concept of these 2 together has been in my head for so long!!#I hope this was. coherent lmao I ramble a lot #long post

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szivtalan · 4 years

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character ask: kagami, momoi, alex and himuro 👀👀👀

!!! omg thank u Ceru! u might be one of my favorite mutuals <33 (putting this under a read more just so I can speak at lengths about each individual character)

Why I like Kagami: this is where I sarcastically ask “why DON’T i like him” but that’s literally the next question so; he’s everything i want to be and more. He has the determination and the willpower to make his own dreams come true, he’s gay as shit, he’s tall and buff and well-adjusted, mature enough to live on his own at an annoyingly young age, he’s funny and dumb and a total himbo as well as an excellent advisor bc of how grounded he is.

Why I don’t: I’m... not really good with explosive people. Violent men with loud voices especially scare me, and I’d think I’d flinch around him a lot and that would make me rlly anxious.

Favorite episode: it’s a toss-up between the Seirin fam visiting his place for the first time (is it where Kuroko confesses his love to him and then passes out in his arms? idk), and the onsen episode. I also loved all his plays against Kise and Aomine. AND the training camp w him running a lot in the sand.

Favorite season/movie: season 2 probably because he’s not a jerk anymore, but he’s still on his way to shed off any asshole behavior stuck to him. And I actually liked Last Game?

Favorite line: “There’s no such thing as useless effort.” and “This is our drama and we write the plot.” because he’s so ridiculous.

Favorite outfit: all of his casual fits... comfy but manly is my Jam

OTP: AoKaga....they’re truly soulmates, star-crossed lovers, canonically brought together by fate.

Brotp/otp no. 2: KagaKuro, I love them

Head Canon: I have several collections because I think too much about this boy, but here’s something I think about his family: he doesn’t know what happened to his mom. He never asked, because it wasn’t relevant, and he didn’t want to inconvenience his dad by questioning him. Occasionally, as a kid he felt like he was missing out on something (seeing other kids with their moms, feeling like they’re being treated with much more gentle care because they have moms), but as he grew older he realized that nurturing behavior shouldn’t have been limited to only a mother, and that he was just straight up neglected without any regards to missing a parent in his life.

Unpopular opinion: I never realized this was an unpopular opinion but I’m glad he went back to America at the end of Last Game. Obviously, it’s sad that he had to separate from the others, but I felt like Japanese basketball has always been just a stepping point to him, and now that he’d beat the best of them, it was time to move on. And it also warms my heart that him getting scouted in the US gave Aomine hope to aim big, too. I felt like both of them would’ve felt trapped in Japan with their skill sets.

A wish: I want him to be happy and gay and to confront Himuro and tell him how hurt he was by how he treated him and probably do the same to his dad too

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: ....whatever I’d say Shinsun has probably written it/will write it, but I don’t want him to forget about the GoM just because he becomes a world-famous athlete.

5 words to best describe them: sweet child with anger issues

My nickname for them: not mine (it’s Sypha’s) but “Kags”, Kagami, Tigerboy, Kagababe, Baby

Why I like Momoi: she is SO nurturing and sweet and she cares so much about her boys!! I’m sorry it always turns into “how they remind me of myself” but actually I get feeling like a background character and being the moral/emotional/physical support of those who are more talented or in any way better than you. I feel a strange kind of kinship with her and also,,, feminine girls make my heart stop, and it doesn’t get more feminine than Momoi. Added: Aomine aside, the Touou team wouldn’t worth shit without her skills tbh, and she’s not in any way less than the GoM. Also, I appreciate her being the one person to try to keep their friend group together.

Why I don’t: Analytical People Scare me like!! how do u know stuff people are Unknowable!! I usually am also irked by her pointing out Riko’s breast size but I can just pretend that’s in a gay way (maybe Momoi likes girls with small boobs and she’s just bad at flirting) (also I don’t exactly liked her calling Aomine a “ganguro” but I have too little knowledge on the use of this word to say exactly why)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): uh the one where Aomine made her cry? It really came through how much love she actually has for her friends at that one.

Favorite season/movie: she was great in all of them!!

Favorite line: I can’t remember the exact quote and Google isn’t really helpful either but the one where she made Kuroko promise they’ll always play together or something? Or that they’re gonna beat Aomine?? idk?

Favorite outfit: I like all of them but mostly I just appreciate her wearing so many hoodies, she looks so cute in them

OTP / Brotp: it’s both AoMomo. I feel like the have the most special and strongest bond in the entire series.

Head Canon: She’s never been shown to do, but I feel like she wears Aomine’s clothes a Lot. Also, they definitely have sleepovers To This Day.

Unpopular opinion: Momoi is good at basketball and she loves playing!!! But try being successful in it when ur opponents are Giants and Way More Buff than you are

A wish: I wish people appreciated her more!! Both in fandom and in canon. She’s an amazing person and she has her own skills and strengths that are rarely explored or even mentioned anywhere.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: her falling out with her boys ;-; I do not want that

5 words to best describe them: strawberry sweetheart to steal ur heart

My nickname for them: Satsuki :> I feel like it’s a little too much to call characters on their first names sometimes but hers is so cute I can’t

Why I like Alex: yet again another woman with an extensive skill set. I love her persistence and again I appreciate getting disillusioned and finding your way back to the thing you love. Also it’s just sweet that she did that by teaching (again, something I can relate to)

Why I don’t: the whole “kissing children” thing rubbed me the wrong way but again, just like Momoi’s obsession with comparing breast sizes, it’s just bad/sexist writing from Fujimaki probably

Favorite episode (scene if movie): adshg any and all where she expressed that Himuro and Kagami are equally important to her <33 that shit makes my heart burst

Favorite season/movie: she only appears towards the end of s2 and in s3 so... I guess s3?

Favorite line: its so Bad that u literally can’t find the iconic quotes of these iconic ladies anywhere but... her story on finding her passion again through teaching kids, and anytime she mentions her fondness of Kagami and Himuro.

Favorite outfit: her iconic olive green coat with the short red shorts... wtf was that I loved it.

OTP: she doesn’t really interact with people her age but I’ve heard she’s shipped with Masako Araki and I’ve seen some seriously good fanarts and like... Yes Good I’d Love To See It

Brotp: I feel like her and Himuro would be that sassy pair that Kagami tries and fails to contain and they get into all sorts of weird, absurd situations asdjs what I’m trying to say is Kagami has to bail them out of jail from time to time

Head Canon: fck me if I’m wrong but she’s the lesbian single mom of the two gay kids she reluctantly adopted from the streets

Unpopular opinion: it’s more like another headcanon, but she can dunk and she taught Kagami how to do it.

A wish: I’d love her to coach the Seirin fam more!! Pls let her be part of her children’s lives (she could also judge streetball games between the goms it would be fun)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: anything about her being romantically involved with her pupils makes me.................no

5 words to best describe them: Beautiful Beach Blonde Basketball....goddess

My nickname for them: Alex!! sometimes An Icon

Why I like Himuro: em dash Asdgsdj I’m joking, I’m becoming more and more fond of the boy. Once I realized that he shouldn’t have been the “bigger person” in that situation and one year doesn’t really mean much when you’re that young and that hurt, I realized he’s actually a good and hard-working kid and I’m sorry for giving him so much shade. Also I really like his snark and sass, but that might not even be canon at this point tbh

Why I don’t: I’m still sort of irked by him beating down on Kagami because he was envious/mad, but I realized the aspect of that situation that Really got to me was how devoted Kagami still was to him after all that. That devotion was what felt toxic, nothing that Himuro actually did to him.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the time they met up w Kagami just to exchange a dramatic socially distancing bro fist and a few encouraging words.... gays be Like That

Favorite season/movie: I really didn’t mind s3 Himuro

Favorite line: apparently he’s said some iconic stuff that I don’t remember (and my sources don’t seem really legit) but I’m gonna say “let’s see you become number 1, bro” because again, that’s just so ridiculous and endearing. On one hand he really went from loathing Kagami to rooting for him and wanting him to reach his full potential and on the other, honey ur like 17 stop speaking like That

Favorite outfit: his knitted V-neck sweaters and the black coat with the white fur.... boy’s got all the fashion sense that’s missing from Kagami

OTP: can I say.....AoHimu asdfh I ship 3/4 of these characters with Aomine what does that say about me

Brotp: KagaHimu. They can be sweet, but I’ve only ever seen Jake write them really well

Head Canon: I’ve been entertaining the idea of....trans Himuro.....

Unpopular opinion: everyone thinks that Kagami is the violent kid and Himuro is the chill, sweet child who’s somehow wound up with this mess of a fiery tiger, but it’s actually Himuro who taught Kagami how to fight and Kagami learned quite a lot of aggression from him

A wish: I feel like Himuro should’ve gotten a separate episode to explore his thoughts, feelings and past. He had so much potential as a character Is2g

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: him quitting basketball would fucking destroy me. I’d be devastated for others too, but it would really pull on my heartstrings if he just dropped the only thing he’s been so passionate about.

5 words to best describe them: gender-non-conforming emo child

My nickname for them: Himu, Tatsuya, Tatsu

#ask and i shall answer #izukillme #himuro tatsuya #alex garcia #momoi satsuki #kagami taiga #this is long as fuck #also happy birthday himuro??!!!!!

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hollyxqx · 4 years

Text

SHE’S THE ONE // SHOWNU

↪ PAIRING: Reader / Shownu ↪ GENRE: smut > fluff > f2l ↪ WORD COUNT: 7.3k ↪ SUMMARY: Hyunwoo has worked for your family for almost a year now, maintaining the gardens and pool. He’s not as rich as you are, he’s working class and he knows it but it doesn’t stop either of you striking up an unlikely relationship. [inspired by this song]

↪ WARNINGS: lots of smut, dirty talk, rough sex but nothing crazy bc shownu is a sweetheart, total self indulgent filth everyone

a/n: the idea of gardener!shownu came from this story. I just wanted to give the author some credit for inspiring me, so you should read that story if the idea appealed as much to you as me. other than the fact that shownu is a gardener for a rich OC the stories are nothing alike, fyi. this was meant to be A LOT shorter but i couldn’t help myself, srry.

ALL ABOUT LUV SERIES

Hyunwoo can feel your eyes on him as he paints the new patio furniture, outside in the glaring hot summer sun. It's touching on thirty degrees Celsius and he can feel beads of sweat trickling from his nape, running down the back of his white vest as he works. He's thankful he remembered his cap today, not only does it shield his eyes from the brightness of the sun but it enables him to sneak an occasional glance at you.

The day you first met he remembers thinking two things. One; oh my god, she's pretty and two; I can't do anything about it. You were the bosses daughter and he needed this job. Unlike you Hyunwoo was not born into a life of wealth and luxury. His hands were his means to a living, not shy to hard work.

He didn't know what your father did exactly to earn the estate, from the other staff he'd heard the title but it was so long and self-important Hyunwoo failed to remember it. Some kind of marketing, analytical something or other. You didn't have to be a humble labourer to know that meant money.

The mother didn't work. She didn't need to. Hyunwoo only ever saw her shopping, having brunch, shopping some more and doing yoga with someone he highly doubted was just her yoga instructor, unless yoga meant fondling the tan 23 year old instructor three times a week. The whole world was so alien and unfamiliar to him, he almost felt like a spectator at times.

You, however. You were different. That fact was deduced very quickly. After only a few weeks of getting to know you it became apparent that you weren't like the rest of your family. If he didn't know any better he sensed some resentment on your part even though the you never explicitly said the words out loud.

It was in what was unspoken that clued him in - the disdainful sighs when your mother had a cocktail at 10am, the way you went quiet whenever your father was mentioned, the fact that you helped out the staff when you didn't have to. Many a time he saw you washing dishes with the maid. Only when your parents weren't around though, he knew they would scold you if they caught you in the act.

So, he didn't mind the fact that you were staring. You were a hot girl, who appeared nice enough, and who found him attractive, what wouldn't he like about that? Hyunwoo hadn't had a girlfriend in nearly two years, much of his time spent working to afford college, so the attention you sent his way felt nice. Even if he couldn't act upon it, he could enjoy it.

"Um, Hyunwoo?" Your voice draws his focus from his work and he squints up at you in the sunlight. You're wearing that navy blue bikini he's seen plenty of times before and denim shorts. An image he knows will be swirling in his thoughts for the rest of the day, whether he wants it to or not. "Would you like some lunch?"

He's overdue a break anyway, and frankly any excuse to get away from the midday sun before his skin starts to burn is good enough for him. "Sure." He accepts, carefully putting his tools away. He sets them in the shade, wiping at his sweaty forehead with the t-shirt he removed earlier.

"Come eat inside, there's aircon." You inform him and he follows you indoors. Inside the kitchen he's surprised to find a somewhat elaborate spread of fruit, sandwiches and salad atop the island that sits in the middle of the room. He immediately goes to the sink to wash up as you get some plates.

"Ana outdid herself. It looks great." He mumbles as he dries his hands. Ana was the head housekeeper, worked there the longest and she was well known as the best cook in the home.

"Oh, I did this." You blush adorably and he pauses for a second. "I thought you might be hungry. I know I am."

"You made all this for me?" He asks, a little dumbfounded. He can't quite believe you'd go to all this trouble for the gardener. It only further cemented your nice nature for him.

"Yeah." You reply shyly, smiling as you pour both of you some icy water. "I enjoy cooking. Especially for others."

Hyunwoo can't help but watch you for a moment as you load your plate up with food, biting back a smile when you take his plate and do the same. "Thank you." He says gently as he takes the food from you. You share a look and he swears his heart stills for a moment.

***

It doesn't take long until eating together becomes a routine. You're home from college for the summer, you tell him one Friday lunchtime, this time over some of the best steak he's ever eaten. From what he can gather you adore the college you attend, your entire face lights up animatedly when you speak about it. Part of him suspects it's because you're away from the clutches of your family.

"I really want to get a job this summer, maybe even volunteer." You tell him as you sit opposite the kitchen island once more. "The parents aren't so thrilled about that. My mom wants me to go to Europe with her. Dad is obviously working."

"Europe sounds incredible." He offers.

"I've been before." You sigh. Hyunwoo can't help but find it bizarre that you're so unenthusiastic about a potential overseas trip. He's never even been abroad. "The rest of my class are working or interning. I wish I could too."

He knows it's ridiculous to feel sorry for the poor little rich girl who has literally everything but he can't help it. He might not be wealthy but he knows all too well what it's like to feel like an outsider and wanting nothing more than to just be like everyone else. Albeit for different reasons. You were sweet, his empathy felt deserved.

"You should do it." He tells you sincerely. "Your parents can't exactly kidnap you and take you to Europe can they?"

"You'd be surprised." You laugh, drly. "Who knows what they're capable of."

He doesn't know how to respond, so he's silent as you finish you meal. As nice as it would be to have more money than sense, at least he has freedom.

***

The first time you kiss is at the end of the summer.

Hyunwoo doesn't anticipate it happening and is unprepared. It wasn't the best kiss he's ever had given it's surprising nature, your teeth briefly clacked, but it was nice nonetheless. The sun is setting when you corner him around the back of the pool house, hidden from view. You ask him some question about him minding if you go for a late night swim (he never has and you've never needed his permission) - he knows it is an excuse.

There's a moment of hesitation, a sweet thank you falls from your lips and before he knows it your mouths are connected. Body curled in to him, tongue in his mouth he can't help but kiss back. You walk away before he can barely register what's happened.

***

Autumn is creeping it's way on to the landscape when the second kiss happens.

It's almost as if you've forgotten the first one, since you've never brought it up. Hyunwoo doesn't either, mostly assuming it was just a momentary impulse moment, mostly not wanting to make anything awkward with you. He's still enjoying the lunches you're preparing for him and doesn't want them to stop.

The working day is coming to a close for him. He's a lot sweaty and a little dirty when your paths cross. Your voice startles him as he's winding up the garden hose. "Hi Hyunwoo."

"Hi." His hands continue on autopilot until the work is done.

"I'm going back to school tomorrow." He knew that, gossip among the staff, but he stays silent, nodding as if it's brand new information. "I just wanted to say bye. Until next summer I guess."

"Bye." He says softly, earning him a tiny laugh from you. "I know you will be happier there than here."

"I'll miss those lunches though."

He's surprised and hope it doesn't read too blatantly. "Me too. I'm going to have to go back to eating turkey sandwhiches or ramyeon. Alone."

"Are you working here during the winter?" You ask.

"Yeah, just less frequently. Once every two weeks." He's got another job as a waiter in a slightly posher-than-he's-used-to restaurant but he doesn't tell you that. You probably won't care too much about him when you're not here.

"Maybe I'll see you at Christmas break." You hum. He offers a polite agreement. "You weren't...mad that I kissed you?"

That he didn't expect, as far as he was concerned you had swept that off the table. "No, I wasn't. I liked it."

"I liked it too."

The air changes and he somehow just senses it, just feels it in his bones what's going to happen next. You're so close to him, licking your lips like that and he doesn't miss how your eyes flit to his own mouth. This time Hyunwoo closes the ga with the wave of confidence that surges.

This kiss is much better than the first one, an air of desperation of it being the last time hangs thickly. Momentarily forgetting he's just worked a hard day of manual labour and isn't necessarily the cleanest he pulls your body against his anyway. One hand on your waist, the other grasping you between your shoulder blades.

You're the one to deepen the kiss and he swears he hears the tiniest moan over the thrumming in his ears. A hand slides down his muscular chest and fists his shirt. "Hyunwoo." You say breathlessly. It's not a question because your lips are back on his again.

His knees hit the back of a sun lounger, unsure of who was pulling and pushing who. He sits down and tugs you on to him, a knee on either side resting comfortably on his lap. This is not a good idea, he knows it but that part of his brain that's rational is loosing blood supply when you grind your hips against his. He's growing hard and it would be embarrassingly quickly if you weren't whimpering atop of him, loosing yourself in the moment too.

You shouldn't have sex. Out in the open like this. You shouldn't have sex at all, he works for you. Hyunwoo is trying to wrack his brains to remember who is home and who's not. The thought evaporates when you bite his bottom lip and tug at the nape of his hair. "You're so fucking hot Hyunwoo."

He's never heard you swear before, always assumed you weren't into such dirty language. His brain instantly ignites at the idea of you saying the dirtiest things he could imagine to him. It's something he's definitely thought about prior. He groans.

"So are you." He gets out in between kisses. Instinctively his hand is sliding up your cold thighs, the dress you're wearing not entirely weather appropriate for the cooling summer air. He grips your ass with a squeeze.

"I've wanted to kiss you so badly since the day we met." You admit through a breathy laugh. Even in the diminishing light he notices your cheeks flush a little. He's a little lost for words at the moment otherwise he'd tell you that he's felt the exact same way.

"Yeah?" Is all he manages to get out in an exhale.

"Mmhmm," You nod, raking your hands all over his chest. "And so much more."

Before he can respond you're kissing again. He wants to know what more means and he wants to know so badly it's making his cock ache. He needs it, so he shifts you on to your back, skirt rising up and exposing your panties. Even the sight of that is something he never thought he'd see in his wildest dreams. You were so untouchable just weeks ago and know you were underneath him at his mercy.

"I'd do anything you want me to." He murmurs in your ear, a knee separating your thighs for him as he hovers over you. "You're so pretty."

"What if I wanted you to touch me?" You ask.

"I am touching you." He can't help but smirk.

"Touch me like this."

You take his hand and run it over your clothed centre where he grazes a knuckle over your folds. At the contact the material presses into your wetness and he can't believe he did that. You're wet. For him. He rubs his hand up and down a few times and the noise that you elicit is sinful.

He looks up at you for approval as he slides your underwear slowly down your thighs. Your finally bare for him and he can't help it, too lost in the moment, he places a kiss on your mound, tongue sneaking between your lower lips for a second. It makes you gasp.

"God, like this - " He hangs his head for a second between your thighs, overwhelmed. "Like this you're perfect. Even if you told me to stop now the sight of you like this is, fuck, a wet dream." His cheek nuzzles your inner thigh where he places another wet kiss.

"Would this make it better?" You tease, nimble fingers unbuttoning your dress so your tits are exposed. His mouth hangs open as he nods, unable to eloquently articulate how fucking good you look and how hard he's trying to commit this to memory.

Nothing is said but he knows what to do, sitting up a little and kissing your breasts. He begins to stroke between your legs as he devours your tits. "Is this the right spot? Show me." He whispers against your skin.

"Do it like this," You guide his hand to the exact right place you want to be touched, moaning when he reaches it. "Fuck, Hyunwoo, just like that." You whine.

He can feel his dick leaking at that. Not only did you swear, you whined his name. He sucks on your nipple as your hips begin to work in tandem with his hands. "You want my fingers in you too? Hmm?" He asks.

"Yes, yeah - oh fuck - yes."

You're wet enough that he slides two in right away. He can only imagine in his mind how lewd this scene must look from an outsiders perspective, hand buried in your pussy. Starting off slow to gauge your reaction he sets what he hopes is the perfect pace, examining every detail on your beautiful face as your eyes flutter shut. You're chewing on your bottom lip, arching your back and falling apart in just the right way.

It's so much, touching you like this. "Yeah?" He manages to husk.

He's rewarded with a loud moan and a roll of your hips in time with his fingers. "Would you - ahh, would you fuck me if I asked?" You pant.

He didn't expect the question, and ruts his hips against your leg involuntarily with a groan into your skin. "Ugh, yeah. Yeah, I would."

"Here?"

"Here?" He repeats in surprise, pulling back to see if you really mean it. He wonders if you maybe have a thing for getting caught, or maybe even watched. God. "Really? You really want that?"

"Or we could fuck in the pool house. It's up to you." You laugh, biting your tongue with a grin. His hand hasn't stopped moving this entire time, even if he has slowed down. The thought of fucking you out here is hot but he can't risk it. What if someone caught him? That's his income gone.

"Take me to the poolhouse." He kisses you, discreetly wiping your wetness off on his denim thigh. It's hard to stop when he wants to see you cum so desperately. You grin and don't even bother to fix your half open dress before taking him by the hand. Both of you stumble excitedly across the garden, him pressed up against your back. He can't stop his hands roaming your body.

The poolhouse is nicer than any house Hyunwoo has ever lived in. What else did he expect. You know the way so he lets you lead him to the bedroom. You don't even bother with the light, tumbling onto the plush mattress, tangling together the instant you're able.

You yank off his shirt. "I'm a little sweaty." He laughs once he's topless.

"I don't care. Is it weird that I kind of like it?"

"Probably." He kisses you again while he removes your dress entirely. "I kind of get the feeling you're into lots of weird things."

"Define weird." You breathe, kicking off the remnants of your panties. His denim and boxers follow.

"Kinky."

"One person's kinky is another's boring Tuesday night."

"I can't wait to find out." He really can't. You're naked beneath him now and he's half expecting this to be a dream. He hovers over you and loves the way you shudder when his bare cock brushes against your thigh. You whine and reach for it with both hands, giving him a few lazy strokes. If your hands are this warm and soft he can't even imagine how good your cunt is going to feel.

He fucks into your fist a few times because it feels so good. "I fucking need you inside me, Hyunwoo. Please put your cock in me. Stretch me open and make me cry because it feels so good."

Shit, he loves your dirty mouth.

The blunt head of his cock drags through your wet pussy a few times to make the glide of him entering just that bit better. He presses in slowly, watching with wide eyes as your cunt swallows him whole. You keen as you fist the sheets. Then he's buried to the hilt and has to still for a few moments, or risk cumming quickly and embarrassing himself.

Before he beings thrusting he pushes both your legs a little wider apart. "Please." You beg and he listens, rocking his hips to meet yours. "Yes, oh - fuck yes." You breathe as he moves.

"I want you to cum." He husks into your ear. "How can I make you cum around my cock huh?"

"Touch my clit and don't stop moving like this."

He leans a little heavier on one arm so he can access your swollen clit with his right hand. Remembering what you told him earlier he gets to work. There's not much more said as he fucks you, mainly just breathy gasps and groans escaping both of you.

He loves that you tell him when you're about to cum. He's been with girls before who never said anything and he always found it hot when they did. He cums shortly after you, pulling out and shooting his load on your stomach.

The way you look, plump bottom lip between your teeth, eyes closed and covered in the evidence of his orgasm, well. He doesn't think he's ever seen anything sexier.

***

He's done it before. Fucked girls and had no further contact with them again. But it feels weird with you because he works for you. Has to talk to the people in your life frequently but has no idea about you. Phone numbers were not exactly exchanged and he's not really interested in social media. It complicates things, and he prefers simple.

The worst part about it is he can't even ask about you. It's odd if he shows too much interest in you. None of the household were particularly aware that a minor friendship even existed between you at one time.

Hyunwoo's not sure if he wants to know. He assumes you're happy and that's really all he can logically come up with. You'd never discussed anything extremely personal with him over your little lunch dates and he'd never pressed you on it. He wonders if you'll have a boyfriend by Christmas time when you're home again.

He hopes not.

***

He starts night classes late September now that he can afford to. His scrimping and saving allowing him to fund the business management course he takes. It's not much and it's not exactly a degree from some prestigious university but he learns a lot and best of all, he can continue working during the day.

After all, he has rent and bills to pay. Hyunwoo wants to run his own business one day and even if it takes years he's determined it will be worth it. His parents own a small cafe but neither of them went to college of any sort and they struggle often. His plan is to do it smart. Maybe even franchise his parents business.

By November he's promoted to host at the restaurant. It's fantastic for him because he earns enough now that money isn't on his mind constantly. When he's in the supermarket he doesn't have to carefully calculate as he shops. The items simply get tossed in the basket it without a thought and it feels good.

Life is good; steady. Sometimes he catches himself singing to himself as he works in the garden of your house like he's in a freaking disney movie.

He meets a girl at college whom he gets on well with. She's nice, quite pretty and they go on a few dates. They end up having sex in his car after the third one and it's okay, not great. He finds himself thinking about you after he's dropped her off, wondering if you're doing the same thing. Maybe you were, that's what university life was all about, he supposed. Experimenting, having fun, finding yourself.

Suddenly he feels very insignificant. Did you ever think of him? That night you spent together you'd confessed you had, but there were months and thousands of miles of distance between you now. You were the beautiful, upper class rich girl and he worked two jobs whilst going to a community college.

Of course you weren't thinking of him.

***

Hyunwoo's last day of work before Christmas lands him at your house. He'd overheard from Ana that you were arriving very early the next morning, which meant he wouldn't be there when you were, and not knowing when you returned to school caused a slight air of disappoint to settle around him as he worked.

The weather restricts what he's capable of, so it's a few weeks longer than usual before he can return and he works a little later into the evening than normal. By the time he finishes the sun has set and the cold air is nipping at his cheeks, turning them pink.

He tidies his gardening equipment and heads inside to tell Ana he's leaving. She wishes him Merry Christmas and pulls him into a hug that colours his cheeks even more. "Oh! Hyunwoo?" She asks as he's at the door, ready to go home. He turns expectantly. "Can you leave me your phone number? I'm unsure what date Mr Kim wants you back in the new year." She smiles.

"Oh," says Hyunwoo dumbly. "Don't you have it already? I'm sure I gave it to you when I first started."

"This is embarrassing," Ana laughs. "My son bought me a phone. I can't use it for the life of me and I accidentally deleted everything a few days ago. I don't even know how I did it! I'm too old for modern technology, I think."

Hyunwoo smiles warmly at her. It's exactly the kind of thing his own mother would do and he feels a rush of affection. "Of course I can leave you it. If you need any help with your phone, I can do that too. I'm a pro at it."

He scribbles the digits on the post-its next to the phone and goes home for the night.

***

The text is sent on New Years Eve (technically New Years Day) but Hyunwoo only reads it when he wakes at 2pm, nursing a rather brutal hangover. He'd celebrated perhaps a little too hard with Minhyuk and the boys and barely even remembers going to bed. He rubs his tired eyes and re-reads the message several times.

from : unknown number happy new year hyunwoo!!! Hope your xmas was goood - y/n

from : unknown number ps - stole your num from ana I asked where you were and sshe said i missed y5tou

He chuckles at the typos, assuming there must have been some alcohol involved with the sending of these messages. Hyunwoo of course replies.

from : hyunwoo happy new year too lady hows xmas break?

from : y/n good boring cant wait to go back to school Im nursing a hangover from heeeellllll

from : hyunwoo haha i gifrued figured* me too tbh, i'll be hiding from the world today

He spends the rest of the day lazing in bed and occasionally swapping texts with you. The conversation is light, like acquaintances catching up, which is what he supposes you are. He can't deny that it's nice to hear from you. It's even nicer that you think of him when you're drunk. Drunk thoughts speak that of a sober mind.

He wants to see you but unfortunately doesn't get to. You're back at school by the time he has returned to work.

***

The girl from college is persistent, he'll give her that. There's nothing wrong with Kia, other than the fact that she's a little too eager than what Hyunwoo is usually used to but he accepts it regardless. Somehow he finds himself sleeping with her on a regular basis. It's a little selfish of him which he knows. But lately he's been feeling lonely, overworked, and she gives him all the attention he could ever ask for with very little effort on his part.

The sex improves since the first time so it becomes a thing. He tries not to look too deeply into it. By March they've been hooking up for well over a month.

He doesn't tell her about you. Not that that he's trying to hide anything per say; he just doesn't feel it's necessary. Especially because the conversations that he shares with you are far more interesting, now that he texts with you semi-frequently. Kia doesn't need to know about every single friend of his, he rationalizes.

Although he makes a distinct effort not to text you when he's with her.

You make him laugh. Like, really laugh. So much so that you rival Minhyuk's spot in his life. When you're away from your family you're a different person. Still you, but the version of you that's a little brighter, a little happier, and much more unrestrained than you are at home.

Even captured in the selfies you send you radiate more. He doesn't tell you (or anyone for that matter, he'd rather be caught dead) but he's been saving every image.

You tell him about your life in greater detail. He finds out that you spent Christmas with Ana and her family, since your father worked and your mom seeks warmer weather at that time of the year. It makes his heart ache slightly, he always has a wonderful day with his parents and a life without that seems a little sad. He's happy you have at least some family in Ana.

Hyunwoo cares. His thoughts drift to you often these days, more notably when he's working at your house. He can't even look at the poolhouse or the sun loungers without having flashbacks of you on your back for him. God, he wants to do it again. The need grows more and more the longer you talk.

When you phone him one night late night, practically purring the words, "I've been thinking about how we almost fucked in the garden." He knows it's over for him. He listens to you make yourself cum over the phone there and then and promises you, he'll have your body again as soon as he's able.

***

The next time you see each other in person it's April. Seven whole months since you'd fucked. He's finishing work when you appear, almost coyly hovering around the back entrance of the main house. He suspects you've waited for him. Hyunwoo grins reflexively when your eyes meet.

"Hey, you." You smile widely, tucking hair behind your ear.

"Hey lady."

Both silent for a few moments, simply taking each other in. Obviously he's seen pictures of you but the real thing is so much better. Your hair is longer, darker and your makeup is different but he still thinks you look gorgeous. A wave of confidence takes Hyunwoo.

"Want to hang out?" He asks before any inane small talk can ruin the moment. He knows how you are, you spoke this morning. You nod excitedly.

"I was hoping you'd ask." You tell him.

He's not ashamed of the car he drives, but he is when he knows you'll be in it. He's seen what occupies the twelve car garage. The kind of cars he would dream about as a young boy, and the worst part about all of it is they rarely get driven. To him that's the definition of insanity.

The back passenger window doesn't work on the old jeep and the leather is ripped on the drivers headrest but Hyunwoo takes care of it, so it drives fine. It gets him where he needs to go, so he's unbothered by the appearance. In a perfect world he'd drive you in something flashy.

You say nothing about the lack of extravagance, you hop inside with a beautiful smile. He likes that about you.

The plan is to go for dinner but somehow you never make it, ending up at Hyunwoo's modest apartment. It's a simple one bed with a tiny kitchenette. It's not much but he's worked hard to keep it.

"This reminds me of my dorm!" You laugh when you're inside. He incorrectly makes the assumption that you're insulting it but you reassure him. "It feels more like home than my parents house." You say gingerly with a touch to his arm.

His response is to kiss you and hoist you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. From the many phone sex sessions that have transpired between you, he's learned alot about what you like in the bedroom. He spanks your ass check with a slap, hard enough to sting. You audibly hiss.

You're in a dress again and he thinks it's intention was purposeful so he could have faster access to your most intimate parts. In no time at all you're pinned on his bed, both hands above your head held there by his own larger palm. The other is pushing your panties to the side, giving access to his bare dick.

Fuck me fuck fuck me, you chant, and he does. You look like such a mess for him, dress pushed up, hair fanned out across the pillow. You guide his hand around your throat, forcing him to choke you. He almost cums when your gasping breath tells him to spit in your mouth.

When you touch your clit and cum he does as well. He couldn't hold off even if he tried.

He kisses you softly, in stark contrast to how rough you had just encouraged him to be; then you whisper, "I missed you."

***

He spends two complete days in bed with you. Kia calls him several times but he never picks up. You give him a curious glance when he turns the phone face down each time, yet you say nothing.

The only time you leave his apartment is to get food. Hyunwoo holds your hand in the supermarket without thinking about it, he just wanted to touch you. You pay for the entire shopping and he wishes you didn't but he supposes you don't think about these things in the same manner as he does.

When you leave (and it's only because he's working at the restaurant and had no choice but to part ways) he drives you home and watches the entire way as you walk up the drive, wishing he could have you back already, hoping there's not some college boy miles away thinking the same thing.

***

It's only five days later when he's scheduled back to work for your family. He's more than a little distracted after seeing you through the kitchen window. A small, discrete wave from you to acknowledge his presence. He knows there's not much time left before you're due back at school for the last term before summer.

The familiar tradition of lunching together is shared outside today. Pleasant sunshine basks down on you and Hyunwoo can't stop looking at you even as he eats the food you've prepared. "What?" You ask with a shy laugh. "Is there something on my face?"

"I just like looking at ya." He laughs and your cheeks tinge adorably. How can you be so cute yet so dirty? It's like he has the best of both worlds with you at times. The contrast drives him wild at times.

"Can we spend some more time together before I go back to school?" You ask him. For a moment he can't focus because you're eating a strawberry and all he can think about is his dick in your mouth. "Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah, course." He responds, blinking a few times. "Come over tonight?"

He wonders what the household think when you leave together at the end of the day. Surely they would not approve of this? A sad thought enters his mind; it's possible your family are too self absorbed to notice, let alone care. Ana however gives the two of you a friendly knowing smirk when you share your goodbyes.

Hyunwoo ends up making a stopover at the beach, a change of heart hitting him as he drove in the setting sunlight. There's a certain spot he started visiting when he first moved out and was overwhelmed by the stress and cost of being an adult in this world. He's never taken anyone there but he thinks (hopes) you'll like it as much as he does.

"We're at the beach." It's not so much of a question as a statement and you give him a confused look.

"Come on." Is the only instruction he gives you, clambering out of the jeep.

The ten minute walk from the car to very end of the beach is passed in comfortable silence. There's a bit of climbing involved up some rocks and a slightly steep sandy slope. Hyunwoo goes first so he can assist you up too. This secluded part of the beach is peaceful and he's watched many a sunset here.

You join him in the sand when he sits, resting your head on his shoulder. "Why did you bring me here?"

"It's one of my favourite places and I wanted to share it with you." He doesn't need to explain any further. You nod.

"Thank you."

He watches the sunset with his arm around your shoulders. When it's almost dark Hyunwoo leads you back to his jeep. You have sex on the backseat. It's different this time, tender and sweet, touching each other as if you're both virgins cautiously but eagerly mapping each other's bodies. All he thinks about on the journey to his place is how much he likes you.

***

When you're thousands of miles apart the distance somehow feels greater this time. During the day you cross his mind often but it's worse at night, when he's alone in bed, craving the warmth of you body next to his. Sometimes he looks, then re-looks at the selfies you've sent.

He hasn't kept track of when he last spoke with Kia. It's only when she sends him a particularly bitchy message does he remember that he's unintentionally being ignoring her for as long as he has. When he sends her an apology, citing work and family as an excuse she asks to see him.

He's in two minds about it. One, he's lonely, horny and missing you. However the topic of being exclusive never came up, not that it should. It's new territory. For all he knows some frat boy has you wrapped around him right now. The thought makes him prickle with jealousy.

So he accepts Kia's invitation.

***

"What are you grinning at?"

Hyunwoo looks up, trying to hide his smile when Minhyuk speaks. "Nothing." He lies. He's texting you and you just told him how you accidentally waved at someone who wasn't waving to you and now you're moving country and changing your identity before you die of embarrassment. Another thing he likes about you; you're not afraid to laugh at yourself.

"That means it's a girl!" Minhyuk teases with a laugh. "The chick from college?"

"Uh, no." Hyunwoo replies, avoiding his friends gaze. "Someone else."

"Oh." Minhyuk is surprised. "Who?"

"You know the people I sometimes do gardening and shit for? The daughter."

"Oh shit," His friend laughs. "Risky."

Hyunwoo agrees, adding. "We haven't really tried to hide anything. I don't think her family notice much. It's kinda sad."

"How can you be sad with all that money?" Minhyuk scoffs. Like Hyunwoo he comes from a family that had little to none of not just money, nearly everything. He doesn't work two jobs like Hyunwoo but he works even longer hours to sustain himself. "Crying in a ferrari. Boo hoo."

"She's not like that. Her family sure, but not her."

Minhyuk can tell he likes you. "She's special." He doesn't ask, he just knows Hyunwoo so well that he doesn't need it confirmed by the older male.

"Yeah. She is."

***

He hasn't heard from you in over a week which is highly unusual since you've been messaging or calling each other daily. It's making him a little restless but he reassures his anxious mind by reminding himself you're almost finishing school and you're probably just busy. Kia is a distraction right now, nothing more.

His phone rings while Kia is in his shower. She's going to want to stay the night but he really isn't that interested, right now he wants to be alone. Normally he doesn't speak to you when he's with her, but this will be his first chance in a long time so he takes the call.

"Hi lady, it's been a while." He answers.

"I know," You groan. "Finals. I had to turn my phone off because it was distracting me. I had a meltdown this week."

His first thought is relief. The second; he wishes he could have been there for you.

"I'm sorry," He means it. "How are things now?"

"One more exam then I'm done. No future break downs planned." You announce and he can hear you smile.

"Good."

"What are you doing right now?" You ask. He hears the shower shut off and Kia step out.

"Nothing." Technically it's the truth. "I missed you." He adds lowly.

"Me too, Hyunwoo. Is it weird that you're one of my closest friends?"

"You're one of mine." He says confidently.

"I wish you were here."

Kia re-enters his bedroom in a towel, giving him a quiet smile when she see's him resting against the headboard in the middle of a call. Hyunwoo swallows thickly. "Me too."

"I want to see you, can we face time?"

He knows what that means. More often than not your video calls to each to one another ends in a very explicit manner. He looks at Kia who is redressing. God, he wishes he could say yes.

"I..can't right now, I've got company." He adds lamely because he doesn't want to lie to you.

"Oh." The disappointment in your voice is prevalent. "Ok. Maybe another time."

"Yeah." He wants to say more, so much more, but he knows Kia is listening and doesn't feel like an argument.

"It's okay if you're dating y'know." You add, to his surprise. "I didn't exactly think you were some celibate monk every time we were apart."

He laughs at that. "I assumed you weren't either."

"I wasn't." The past tense confuses him. "Been too busy for that lately."

"I bet."

"No one fucks me like you do though," You laugh and he can't help but smirk. "Anyway, I'll let you go. I've got some stress to relieve anyway." He doesn't miss the innuendo. "And Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll be thinking of you when I do it."

Fuck. He hold back a groan. Now that the image is in his head it's the only thing he wants to see. He gulps. "I always do."

When you've hung up he tells Kia in the kindest possible way he's tired and it's best if she goes home. He senses her unhappiness and he feels a little guilty but not for long.

***

The day you arrive home for the summer Hyunwoo realises it's been ten months of fucking, phone sex and talking about nothing and everything til 2am with you. He's not working today and offers to pick you up from the airport. He knows you could easily have someone on your father's payroll fetch you but you agree nonetheless.

At baggage claim you don't even greet him, flinging yourself into his arms instead. There's a kiss that's all too passionate for such a public space but neither of you seem phased. It's clear that you're just as eager as he is.

You smile at him when he carries your bags for you, loading them into his trusted jeep.

"Can I tell you something?" You ask as he drives. He nods. "I haven't told my parents but I've been working while I've been at school."

You hadn't told him that either. As far as he knew you wouldn't really have to work ever if you felt so inclined.

"I've saved everything. Every single penny I've earned."

"How come?" He's never discussed money with you and he feels awkward.

"Because I don't want to spend my life relying on them." You say simply. "After I finish school next year I'll be free."

Free, he thinks. He notices how ignored you are at home and how unhappy you are there. If you want to be free, Hyunwoo wants you to be free too.

***

You spend more nights with him over the summer than you do without. He doesn't tell you but he broke things off with Kia a long time ago. It's you, and it's been you for a long time. At the beach you tease him and ask him if the other girls like this spot as much as you do.

"I've never brought anyone but you here." He admits.

"Oh." You look surprised. "I thought..."

"Nah," He tries to make it sound more casual than it is. But it means something. You both know it. He laces his fingers through yours. "Just you."

Over the summer a few freckles have appeared on your shoulders as the two of you have spent a lot of time in the sun and he kisses them while he's got you in his arms. You sigh in content and lean back against his chest. He wants to tell you he loves you, has done for quite some time but doesn't want to force it.

You're the one. Not in the conventional sense where he's blindly assured that you're definitely going to get married and grow into old age together. No. How can anyone know that for sure?

You're the one in the sense that you make him happy to wake up each day. It's effortless and it's easy and you've never once held any of his choices against him. He'd do anything for you before any other girl. That's why you're his one. He just needs to tell you now.

MASTERLIST

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