#but just nervous ough

[roseyjustice]

Got my mastectomy scheduled in about 6ish hours, haaaa my nerves are shot lol

[ollylotl]

heyyyy i just dropped a completed multichapter 58k words prime defenders fantasy au fic. if you like greyscale arc, or ghostknife, or general pd shenanigans in alternate universes, maybe check it out :D

[defiledtomb]

How did it go ? 👁👁

I FEEL ALIVE

[officialmiintee]

i love you wind breaker art! what are your thoughts about nirei? you always draw him so bright and i love that so much!

I LOVE NIREI AKIHIKO SO MUCH

I've always had a soft spot for characters who act as walking encyclopedias/informants/information wielders. Nirei gives a refreshing twist to that because he really just loves knowing everything and anything without any ulterior motive. He's just naturally curious, and I think that's what makes him unique and strong in his own accord in a place like Furin, who is mostly filled with brawlers. What he might lack in physical skills (at the moment), he makes up for his intelligence. His moral and empathy are big pluses too! I feel like he's the type of character who "wants to know because knowing is his way of caring". He wanted to know more about Sakura because he cares for Sakura, he talks to Sugishita and learns more about him because he cares what Sugishita is struggling to feel, and his curious mind is his biggest proof that he cares a lot for everything and anything. I honestly can write an entire essay about him and how I'm truly amazed by Nirei but TLDR: i love him so much, he's such a bright and warm character so I do my best to capture that

[squeeblub]

after lots of thinking (becoming the mayor of yapsville in discord vc w bro until we came to a consensus), i need to speak my truth.

solangelo is more fun if will is codependent and lowk a stalker

[volivolition]

reading the "after the mind, the world again" ttrpg rulebook and im in love with it

my god i am so affectionate towards them. but MAN this is so fucking cool i wish i wasnt a scared little guy so i could play ttrpgs hkjhd...

[sunnys-aesthetic]

I have had this certain itch to say this. I'm surprised you never got mad or despised Naff for being more well-known about a dca detective au and people stealing your designs to make fanart for her

I had to think over how to respond to this ask because by all means I didn't want to give a quick answer and dip without leaving things properly, genuinely answered or explained. I'd like to minimize any misinterpretations or misunderstandings :<

I think the best way for me to properly address this is to section it into 2 parts? One part for how I feel about Naff and the second part for how I feel about some of my designs being used without credit! Also sorry for any messy typing as admittedly I'm nervous typing all of this out after so much time has passed and I haven't really thought about this in eons FHSKJDHFSDGJKHJF

Long body of text warning So I'll place down a 'keep reading' down here! v

I want to answer this ask truthfully on my experiences and how I overcame this, what my mindset was then, and what it is now.

So! First part- Naffeclipse! Right off the bat I want to say that, no, I don't hate or despise Naff. Yes, I used to feel hurt by how they used my work, but I don't feel that way anymore. I think you're the first ever person to have asked me anything regarding this in almost two years. If I'm honest, no one online has ever made a comment regarding this so I was a little surprised! I began the DCA Detectives and dubbed it "Sleuth Jesters" in my original post back in mid-June 2022. And from there the concept's popularity kinda exploded.

I'm proud of Naff for the wide range of followers, love and support that they've cultivated using my au, and I don't want to take away from the fact that yes, the story, the world, the character interpretations they created was all their own work! That's something i want to make known first and foremost. That is all 100% their own hard work and skill as a writer. And I never want to take credit for that.

Now, I know this may look really unfair and believe me, within the first few months of Sleuth Jesters taking off from not my own platform but from another persons, I thought it was too. I was possibly going through one of my roughest periods, as all of this was very new for me and I had a lot of IRL personal stuff going on at the time. The main reason I hadn't made any remark or mention aside from one post asking for credit the same day I had talked to Naff about it privately in DMS is because I inadvertently developed imposter syndrome with the whole situation, and I privately decided to not work on that au of my own volition and lack of want to continue it on my own terms!

Why did you have imposter syndrome? Well! Because for me personally it was a feeling of 'hey! I know you racked up tons of followers and created a big platform, and you personally put the work into it, but can I please be credited for your hard work? Because they're my initial idea and designs?' was essentially my mindset for months back then, it was a sticky tricky situation! ^^; and it was not very healthy for me.

However I don't want to dive into too many details on my emotional & mental wellbeing during 2023! I was a new artist, and I was absolutely scared I would be the one who would make or initiate the first large discourse within the DCA community if I spoke up about it, possibly receive unwarranted hate or backlash, and I felt the pressure was really on me to keep the peace because as far as I had known, the DCA community hadn't had any 'big drama' since its making during that time.

But! At the same time all of this was happening I moreso delved into making my oc cloud drop + being with friends and having fun, and I simply personally didn't want to continue the AU anymore. It was not entirely due to Naff's usage but also because I simply just didn't have the time or energy for it! That's all there was to it. I struggled yes, sure! but,

What matters to me is not how or what i think or say, but how I choose to act or deal with situations that can be stressful or uncomfortable in the general sense. and despite any negative feelings I may have had, I think kindness can live a lot longer than any hatred ever could. I don't physically have it in me to hate someone or hold a grudge for too long, even in the heat of the moment, and I hope this mentality can be applied to anyone who reads this as well ^.^ Communication is key to me in any relationship, even if i know you or don't know you! And if you are not willing to make that effort in talking or speaking up it will negatively affect you in the long run. And I made that mistake by waiting for too long! sorry that was cheesy haha but its a personal mindset i live with.

So to answer the first part of the question, yes I used to be upset, but I'm not anymore.

What about the people who used your design(s) to make fanart for her?

wwweell, ill admit this was actually one of the bigger things that hurt me the most at the time, Nowadays I am being more properly credited, even if there's a few people who forget to credit me I wont take it personally. It's a much better improvement compared to when I hadn't spoken at all about it.

It's already gotten to a point where its thousands of people who associate the fanart to their fiction, and even if it wasn't with my permission at the time, it is now! We can't really force or change what happened in the past but at the v least I hope those who will make fanart are a little more aware of who to give their credits to! I still enjoy seeing everyone's art! ^^

tl;dr, i was really sad and hurt by it at the TIME, and yes it messed me up but not once did I despise Naff as person at all. Everything's all good now and I'm doing much better and all I can ask for now is the continued credit for at least my au and my designs ♡

And i very VERY VERY much urge you all TO NOT give any animosity towards naffeclipse as I already know they did not mean any of this in any ill will at all since the beginning, and we both already talked about it mid last year c:>

[lunian]

me: man, I wish I finished my BG3 playthrough with my main Tav tbh

me: but then I have to go to deal with Steel Watch shit, underwater prison hell, stupid sexy Gortash being mad at me, House of Hope and its bs, freeing Orpheus and sacrifice someone to become a damn brain eating squid dude, but also there's somehow some kind of dragon in damn Wyll's quest, what the fuc—

me: ah that's why i have other 4 playthroughs

[madaqueue]

…..if i post my quinzai moodboard will you guys promise to be nice to me

[feroluce]

When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.

Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.

He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.

They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.

Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.

Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.

Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.

It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.

It's an ear.

It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-

Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.

"Hey!"

Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.

"Kaveh, hey!"

The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.

His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.

Quicksand.

Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.

His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-

Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.

"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.

Kaveh is sinking.

Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.

Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.

"Do you believe in karma?"

The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-

Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.

Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.

He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.

He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.

He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.

He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.

Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.

Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.

"Kaveh? What are you doing?"

This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."

Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.

"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.

"Do you believe in karma?"

[boycritter]

and im so sick of 17 wheres my fucking teenage dream if someone tells me one more time 'enjoy your youth' im gonna cry and i dont stick up for myself im anxious and nothing can help and i wish id done this before and i wish people liked me more all i did was try my best this the kind of thanks i get unrelentingly upset they say these are the golden years but i wish i could disappear ego crush is so severe g-d. its brutal out here. i feel like no one wants me and i hate the way im percieved and i only have two real friends and lately im a nervous wreck cause i love people i dont like and i hate every song i write and im not cool and im not smart AND I CANT EVEN PARALLEL PARK !!!

[abigail]

someone’s donated a vintage (my guess late 60s or 70s) rocking horse and not to be a child but i wanna buy it sooo baaadddd its so cute oh my god .. i have literally no where to put it but i’m obsessed

[silent-sentinels]

dont mind the username change btw we're just separating blogs into a personal talky blog and a more plural oriented (ploriented...) blog, we'll keep you updated [fingerguns]

[freakinator]

i just keep pausing the vod cause im so nervous at getting to the part where zam gives the blessing askfljasdjklg

like my biggest worry the entire joker arc has been that team batman wouldnt understand what zam was trying to do and ash joining them didnt at all help with that

[trollbreak]

Ummm does anyone wanna hear my thoughts on the interactions that could happen in the vulnerability of having your emotions on show for anyone who knows how to read the colors and also the trained-in need to shield yourself by taking on someone else’s appearance, and even when you’re yourself, remaining concealed and tucked away behind an enchantment to keep someone else from taking your face in turn,

[ropes3amthoughts]

I hate traveling I have so few of my things and I hate the beach and I didn’t download anything for the plane and I don’t know what to do and I’m gonna miss school and I’m gonna be away from my dogs for a week and this is all just the worst ☹️☹️☹️☹️