#but ive never been part of it and frankly i dont want to be

[muffinsin]

Hello muffin tis i, deluded anon with another ask. Tw for ablism i think? I am autistic and get called slurs and mocked for it by my family n friends, such as the r word n whatnot. If theres any issues that cause me stress like putting the cutlery away- they are too loud and hurt my head. Or if my clothes and everything touching me burns n pricks me, being mute on occasions i get told to get a grip n to shut up- then told off later if i was in public. They treat other autistic people differently from me n reassure them that its ok n valid but its not ok for me to be like that. Anyways i dont really do people and am attached to my teddies n plushies- they have feelings. I always take the most care with them n i dont want them to be uncomfortable, they all call me delusional and a not right for loving my plushies (and fictional women)more than them.

So what would happen if the reader were to be autistic and a maid in the castle struggling with some certain tasks and the rest of the maids treating the reader like how ive been treated (if that makes sense. Idk if i’m making sense) so readers kind of like the laughing stock for them, unbeknownst to the sisters until some maid rips a teddy or comfort item.

How would the sisters react to this? I dont think theyd like it nor tolerate it due to cassandra being autistic and daniela having adhd.

I’m sorry this is such a long ask and quite frankly too much of a self centred one. I have no idea if this makes sense- i apologies sincerely if this makes you uncomfortable in any way. Please dont feel pressured to write this.

I can 100% see the rendition of lion king being played out with dani 😂 she would without a doubt try n blag her mother into making her sister make up for being mean to her, like forfeiting a maid to her.



Of course! I’m very curious about this ask tbh and hope I’ll do it justice :)

A few things first up under the cut, if anybody wants to skip to the start of the HCs, it’ll be marked for you😊

TW: ableism, bullying

Let’s get into this! :)

Masterlists

Tbh I’m hoping I’ll be able to get this right! I’m not autistic myself and am only going off what I’ve read here and experiences I’ve been told about by friends.

First thing I want to say hon, is that you are absolutely, 100% valid.

Nobody- and this includes you- deserves to be called slurs or treated wrongly for such reasons. There is no justification to it at all. To treat you differently while claiming to be accepting with others is awful, and I sincerely hope you will find people decent and good enough to accept you, friends especially :)

Also- plushie superiority honestly XP What are their names?👀 Have you got a fav? Or is it an I-love-them-all-equally- situation? Honestly, regarding what you’ve said about plushie love not being okay? I call bs on it. I find plushie love is one of the sweetest there is, even when I don’t have that many myself, I greatly treasure the few plushies I still have. Heck yeah XD

Is the autism and ADHD for Cassandra and Daniela canon? Or a HC?👀 I’ve never heard of it

(Lion king drabble mentioned: here)

Aight that’s it from me! This all probably made little sense, because ironically I cannot comfort at all, I suck at it in most cases, but I hope I still got the key points across somehow XD

Let’s get into it!

(Beginning of the ask)

Bela

She adores you, with all her heart

Bela loves you so much, each part of you

She tries her best to make life as comfortable as possible for you

Even if she can’t always relate to your struggles, she always attempts to ease them

The moment you open up about some of the things troubling you, Bela takes action

She takes special care to ensure the new uniforms are made of fabrics you approve and feel comfortable in, and orders them as soon as possible

Until their arrival, Bela has taken it upon herself to declare to everyone that you are not obliged to wear the old ones

Nobody dares to call you out for working in a shirt instead of the uniform, the order comes from Bela, after all, one of the highest of your superiors, right after Alcina

When the new uniforms are delivered, you can’t help but smile. They’re perfect!

Bela has the old ones disposed of, thrown someplace she can’t be bothered to know

Next, there are the tasks appointed to you

While she normally doesn’t get involved all that much in the staff’s business and shares a mutual respect with the grand chambermaid, she does interfere here

She requests that you are not given tasks in the kitchen as to not get overwhelmed by the loud noises

Nor does she wish for you to work anywhere near the basements

Of course, your lover would never allow you anywhere in the basements, even outside of work, even when she is lurking down there

It’s for safety purposes, most of all

Instead, you are usually appointed calmer places, such as the library or even the castle gardens or greenhouse at times

Bela is flustered whenever you remember to bring her a flower from the outside in winter

Aside from all these things, Bela is your shoulder to cry on, and your pillar to lean on

She never fails to reassure you how much she loves you, and how things you consider as flaws are endearing to her

She knows, sometimes you tend to be quiet, if not entirely mute

After a quick check in whether you’re all right, and you reassure her, she smiles widely

Bela treasures such silence, really

She enjoys to spend time with you, and sometimes silence is just what she needs

After all, the castle can be loud already, especially to her

Wrestling her screaming, kicking and bickering younger sisters all day and night often gives her a migraine

She loves simply cuddling in bed or sitting together, reading together or simply relaxing

Bela doesn’t mind your quietness, and she can easily either make conversation by monologing, or bask in it, even go as far as to close her eyes

She finds these moments precious

She knows nearly everything about you- all except one thing

Life among the staff

Bela doesn’t know of the torment you face, not quite

She doesn’t notice your anxiety when they make fun of you, doesn’t know about how uncomfortable you become when they poke you for fun

She doesn’t know an old uniform has been retrieved from the storage and switched with yours specifically merely to amuse the other staff members

You grit your teeth at the wrong fabric on you, the uncomfortable one that feels entirely too heavy and scratchy

No matter how much you search for the new uniform, it’s hidden far away beyond your grasp

Only when all your duties are done can your change out of it and back into your normal clothing, just in time for Bela to finish work and greet you with a warm smile

You don’t dare tell her, too worried what the other maids will do

After all, Bela can’t dispose of them all

Then there’s the noises…

How often you are brought to the edge of feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed when maids laugh and mock you, forks and knives in their hands as they slap them together

Like sticks hitting a drum, maybe

You are not oblivious to their laughter as you bury your head in your brown teddy bear and fluffy, blue arm sized blanket

Soon, you are indirectly appointed to the kitchens

Not by the grand chambermaid, nor by Bela

You feel uncomfortable at the hands grabbing you by the arms and leading you there

Their reasoning? If you don’t clean up, maidens will be hurt, and it will be your fault

Aside from this, with more hurt maidens and their panic increasing, so will the stress your girlfriend will have to face over trying to manage the castle

They know of your love for Bela, and often use it to have you do things you dislike

Such as picking up all the silverware from the wet sink, drying it in a towel of a texture you dislike, and putting them in the drawers

Their laughter and mockery rings out behind you while you’re made to finish their work

Still, as torturous as all of this is, their newest stunt is incomparable to it

As you find yourself hugging your stuffed bear yet again and cry into its fur at the loud laughter around you, you suddenly feel it tugged from you

Naturally, you try to hold on

Slurs are thrown at you. Mockery

You hear a particular loud cry, a maid calling you a baby, just before you’re suddenly sent back on the bed

You’re holding your teddy- as is the maid tugging it

Tears well up in your eyes as you hold its body, your eyes scanning the unattached leg now dropped to the floor

You feel someone snap their fingers right next to your ear and jump

More laughter

The women around you laugh and mock as you sink to the floor, your teddy and blanket held tight to you as you attempt to grasp the leg

It’s kicked in the corner of the room, and more laughter rings out when you crawl after it quickly

More harsh name calling, until eventually you grasp it

Unsurprisingly, you can’t just push it back on

You aren’t sure how much time passes until your girlfriend finds you

You aren’t even sure when you wandered off to Bela’s room. It’s as if your feet just automatically carried you to your safe place

She immediately swarms to you, her hands hovering by your arms

With a nod of your head, reassuring her it’s okay, she touches you

She immediately feels the change of fabric of your uniform. She knows, this isn’t the right one

Still, golden eyes set on the damaged teddy bear in your hands

Again, she waits for your permission before she pulls you on her lap, knowing you’re so distraught now

She grasps your hands and dries your tears, and gently holds the leg one one hand, the remaining teddy in her other

“He’s broken”, you sob, and Bela is quick to assure you

“Damaged, my dove, not broken”

She promises, she can fix your friend

And true to her word, she does

Urging you to change, she allows you to search her closet for anything that suits you

You watch with wide, hopeful eyes as she takes a sewing kid from one of her many shelves

Thankfully, your beautiful girlfriend enjoys branching out and learning so many new skills…

You watch with wonder as she adds stuffing back into the leg, and even allows you to pick a color to stitch it back together in

Dressed comfortably in her larger clothing and holding onto her pillows and your blue blanket, you watch as slowly, but surely, your friend’s leg is reattached

“He’s on bed rest now, you know”, she teases, hoping to bring a smile to your face

Bela portrays this picture of calmness for you, but rest assured, the moment she knows you’re completely calm and happy again, she will personally see to it that such actions are punished

She demands to know what has been going on with the staff, and offers you your own room, should you not want to move into hers

Bela smiles in self satisfaction as she hand picks the new recruits for cadou experiments, hunts, and, of course, Cassandra’s birthday presents ;)

Cassandra

She cares a lot about you, and is incredibly protective of you

Cassandra tries her best to make you comfortable

She knows, her fast, often dangerous and hectic movements can intimidate or scare away most. She doesn’t want that to happen with you

While Cassandra isn’t the best at listening, she takes in all you say whenever you are made uncomfortable by something

Such as the clanging of her weapons when she carelessly drops them all on a big pile

Her heart breaks a little when you cover your ears at the loud noise caused by metal hitting metal

Was she a dog, her ears would droop down

Instead, she immediately apologizes and tries to still the rocking blades

She makes sure not to clank them against one another again, instead is careful to place them down one by one

She grins widely whenever this earns her a kiss and a smile of yours

Her efforts are certainly not dismissed and ignored!

Then, there’s of course your like and dislike towards certain sensations

She can’t help but giggle when you fall into her bed the first time you touch it

She has all the perfect fabrics!

Cassandra is very picky as it comes to them, too

Her dress is tight, but soft

It doesn’t scratch along her skin and isn’t too soft to make her feel droopy. It’s just perfect to her

Her bed equals this

Soft, satin sheets she likes, and a few large pillows. Not too much, just enough for her to sleep comfortably

You love wearing her clothing. It’s perfect and doesn’t irritate your skin

In return, Cassandra doesn’t mind lending it to you, even if you don’t quite fit into it

All her clothing is custom made, such as Alcina’s dresses and the typical black dresses all three sisters like to wear

The crafter? None other than the famous other Lady of the village

Cassandra makes it a point to ask Donna for clothing made in your size. In return, she is ready to send across a few of the castle’s finest cooking ingredients

It’s working out well, and often she likes to surprise you with a new clothing item of your choice, made of a fabric of your choice

Cassandra doesn’t care for fabrics, merely the feel of them

She allows you to take charge whenever it comes to picking the right ones out

In the beginning, you worry Cassandra will mind your occasional silence

You’re all too happy to notice: she doesn’t

Cassandra talks often, but isn’t quite one for conversation

She likes monologuing, knowing you’re listening to her as she rants about her hunts and her sisters

She doesn’t take your silence as disrespect, though at times randomly reminds herself to check in whether you’d like her to keep talking or stay silent as well for some peace and quiet

She likes to bask in such silence sometimes, to have her head on your lap and play with a few of her flies while you stroke her soft hair

Another thing she’s surprised you by is regarding your stuffed animals

While she hasn’t quite got the connection to them you have, she respects it

Though, she will not allow all of them in her bed. She wants that space all to herself

Still, she is mindful to keep a corner of the bed empty for your stuffed animals, and only growls playfully when you shower them in love, subtly reminding you to place a kiss to her forehead, too

She can’t help but be a little clingy sometimes, after all

Cassandra doesn’t fault you for preferring plushies to humans. She isn’t exactly a fan of them either and rather sees them as nuisances or means to an end, after all

All except you. You’re her precious little human

And Cassandra wants to keep you safe at all times

Yet, there are things even she cannot seem to keep you safe from

Such as the staff members

You know, Cassandra doesn’t get involved with the maiden’s affairs unless to drag one to the basement

She is therefore unaware of the pokes and laughter that follow you sometimes

The slurs whispered your way… you know Cassandra would have their heads for it, yet you can’t seem to bring yourself to tell her

And they know it all too well

Your heart hurts when they talk to you, and in time, you know the only reason for this are dares

Dares, from one maid to another, to talk to you

Entertainment, as they chat and mock you subtly, trying to see how long it takes you to notice

You try to brush it off. To not let it bother you

Cassandra surely wouldn’t let it bother her! She seems so powerful…

Their words regarding this sting. How she could be with someone like you

When you’re allowing them to walk all over you

Some freak, as they say

Their words haunt you hours later even, when your shifts end and you’re cuddled up against Cassandra as she monologues about this and that while showing you her newest dagger

Then, there’s the little stuffed turtle you like to keep in your pocket

It helps you stay calm sometimes, even with the uniform being scratchy and uncomfortable

Often they laugh as they snatch your turtle from you, instead throw her through the air, right above your outstretched hands as you attempt to catch your precious friend

All other stuffed animals are kept safe in Cassandra’s room. All but this one

No one would dare venture into her territory merely to taunt you

No maid is this foolish

You gasp when the turtle is thrown yet again, high in the air in the main hall, right above your hands even as you jump to reach it

Your eyes widen when your precious stuffed animal lands right in the fireplace

Thankfully, not a lit one. It’s summer, thankfully, and the castle is warm enough as it is

But it’s hot, and dirty, and smears black dust and ashes all over the green fur

“Freak”, they taunt as they pass you, crying and attempting to wipe the dirt off

Cassandra finds you easily, having heard your fast heartbeat indicating your panic attack even from the basement

You can merely look up at her as she kneels down, her gloves easily pulled down by her teeth as she holds the little turtle

She’s very careful no blood is smeared on it or you, and opts for staying a little distant upon realising she’s covered in it nearly from head to toe

You don’t seem to mind, you can only look at the turtle, impossibly small in Cassandra’s large hands as strong fingers rub over the dirt gently

A stain remains, and you smile watery. A battle wound, maybe?

The thought comforts you only slightly

You suppose, a scar, a battle wound, wouldn’t be the worst thing…Cassandra has them, after all, scars littering her backside from challenging fights

She won, in the end

Upon demanding what happened, and hearing your tale, Cassandra sees red

She wipes the back of her hand against her lips to clean her bloodied lips, then presses a small kiss to your forehead before she swarms off

In the days to come, plenty examples are maid

Maidens are set free only to be dragged back screaming and badly hurt, begging for forgiveness as they are killed in front of the others

Others are immediately dragged to the basement

And the remaining two that have started it all, are devoured alive in front of the rest of the staff, Cassandra’s warning screamed from their lips

Never, never, will she allow someone to mistreat you again

She keeps a close eye on you, and often opts for having a few flies buzzing around you when you aren’t with her

Daniela

Daniela is a hyper little thing, full of energy and love that she wants to shower you in

She’s very clingy with you, but also incredibly perceptive

More so than her other two sisters, even

She picks up on your slight grimace when it’s dinner time and the rattling of silverware irritates your ears

Without having to tell her, Daniela is more delicate in her movements with her fork and knife- she was the main source of this noise after all, smacking them together because she is generally too energetic to sit still

Instead, she merely swarms around excitedly and annoys her sisters until the food is served

She also notices- you don’t like every clothing item she has to offer

Some just- don’t take your pick, and at first she is a little hurt

She doesn’t understand why, and worries you might think she has horrible taste

Or perhaps don’t want to wear a gift of hers altogether

Daniela tends to overthink fast, and quickly becomes a little hesitant to shower you in gifts when you don’t seem too happy with the two dresses she’s brought you

While she is all for comfort, Daniela doesn’t mind scratchiness of her gowns

Being put in so many of them for balls and events hosted by Alcina, she has learned to ignore the urge to scratch and the annoying itch caused by scratchy sleeves

Overall, she still loves gowns, and isn’t bothered by differences in textures

When you explain to her that you feel differently about this, it’s a little difficult for her to understand

However, Daniela cares about you, and if you tell her this fabric is bad fabric, she’ll tear it to pieces for you, as though you’re her fair maiden and she is the knight protecting you from the fierce dragon!

She often makes slashing noises as she does though, a little too invested in her fantasies

You don’t mind

You think her creativity and fantasy endearing, even

Daniela is curious, though. Often she will randomly swarm to you to ask whether something is good or bad, just out of curiosity, and maybe because she’s turned it into a game

She wants to see if she is getting better at telling what is good and what isn’t, so her surprises and gifts for you are ones you can actually enjoy

She brings you fabrics of gowns and shirts, food and drinks, and even once a very grumpy Bela to question whether her sister feels bad too

She claims she does, with a large, shit eating grin on her face, and you smile as her laughter is heard through the halls when she is chased down for such behaviour, likely made to sit and listen to another lecture of the blonde should she be caught

You find, you look forward to hearing Daniela complain about it

While Daniela can be very loud and hyper at times, and often enough you join in, she doesn’t mind times you’re quiet either

She had no trouble at all leading a conversation, either monologuing or talking for so long and so fast, there’s no way for anybody else to join in anyway

Often, when she notices you’re in a quieter mood, she’ll take control of the conversation until the other person leaves

In return, she only expects a smile, and a kiss to her face

Yet, as much as Daniela dotes on you and coddles you, there are others who are not as sweet

Others, who do not make you feel as welcome

Others, who dare make you feel as though you aren’t normal. Not “right”

The maidens at Castle Dimitrescu can be ruthless, sometimes, especially to outsiders

Being Daniela’s partner has made you an outsider

And having autism has made you their target

They thread carefully at first, knowing you are not only under Daniela’s protection, but by this also under Bela and Cassandra’s

Should they hurt you, it hurts Daniela, after all. Alas, you have three murderous fly women on your side

However…what they don’t know…

It starts off with a group of four who take, seemingly, immense pleasure in taunting you

Their hatred comes from being small minded, and jealous, yet knowing this does nothing to help you

They don’t understand- how come you get to wear a different uniform than them?!

How come you never have to clean up the table and wash the dishes and silverware?

How come you get to work in quiet, reserved locations and get to take so many breaks, while they are to work near the entrance to the dungeons, the screams of their fellow fallen maids taunting them

How come they fear for their life, and you never need to?

You are a target by far too soon

You often find yourself crying and hiding at your bed as they laugh and bicker about, silently wishing Daniela opts for a random visit and slays them all

She doesn’t, and won’t. She isn’t allowed into the maid quarters

Their shrill laughter and loud voices hurt your ears, and as you find yourself clutching one of the stuffed animals not tucked away in Daniela’s room- a grey, knit bear- they laugh even more

Soon, you are titled as a baby and inhuman for your affection towards the stuffed animal

You feel fear shoot through you whenever you don’t find him sitting at your pillow

Often, they wave the teddy in front of you, snickering and commanding this and that

They’re playing God, and for moments you feel as though they are the predators of this castle

With the wish to receive your stuffed animal again, you clean their beds and bring their plates, silverware and cups to the kitchens after supper

Usually, you receive your bear again

Not yet this time, it seems

“Go and get it, if you dare” they snicker as they throw it down the stairs to the basement

You gulp. You know, you aren’t supposed to go down there

No maid is, but especially you

Even Daniela has forbidden you from stepping in the cellars

You shudder at the memory of her truthful description upon being asked what lies down there. Monsters with swords and sickles, mold and blood, pain and the reek of the dead, corpses and torture chambers

But…your bear

You venture down as they snicker, and jump when the door clasps shut behind you

As tears sprint to your eyes, you hear a lock. No going back now, either way

You gulp at the loud whimpers and cries, and the distant screams and groans of the undead

It’s dark, and you can barely make a thing out

You jump when you hear a loud gasp from one of the cells and a hand reaches through the bars, as though to reach you

Immediately, you keep on running

More hands shoot out, some grazing your arm and dirtying your uniform, others mere inches away from your skin

You nearly trip a few times, the floor stony and littered with buckets, thrown over tables and chairs, dull knives and what not

It’s so dark, so that you can barely make out your own hands and the ones reaching for you

You shriek as a body bag drops in front of you, immediately taking off to run another direction

Again, you scream, when you run into something

A monster?! It’s so dark you-

“Uh-“

You blink at Cassandra’s voice, and upon opening your eyes, you find golden ones staring down at you

She seems almost unsure. You aren’t supposed to be in the basements, and were you anybody else, she would have already dug her sickle into you and called you a foolish prey for running right to her

But…you’re Daniela’s

You jump at a second gasp, and whine when another pair of golden eyes sets on you

Thankfully, these do not belong to Bela Dimitrescu. You recognize the light green colour shining through gold in them

Daniela!

She gasps when you run into her, quickly adjusting her hand so you don’t run right into the scalpel you can’t see in the dark

Immediately, her shock is covered by concern when she smells the fear surrounding you

She demands to know what you’re doing her, even if she feels flustered upon thinking you might have missed her and wanted to see her bad enough to venture into the cellars

Upon opening up about the bear, you feel her grasp your hand tightly

She promises, she’s going to find it with you

You nod shakily as Cassandra grins, having just received a reason to go upstairs and cause some more trouble along the maidens

With a lit torch held tightly in Daniela’s hand, it’s by far easier to navigate the dim basement

You realise the hands reaching out were maids, now backed far in the corner of their cells to avoid Daniela’s gaze

But the redhead doesn’t mind them. She is focused on finding your bear

And find him she does, after a while of searching

You nearly whimper when she holds it up between two fingers, the fabric soaked in blood and dirt and a rat having already started to eat away at its side

She hugs you tightly as she explains, it must be disposed of

It’s a major health risk by now, having been exposed to the mold of the basement and who knows what else

You spend the next couple of days entirely in her bed, cuddled up under the covers and crying your heart out between your other stuffed animals

At last, Daniela enters, a nervous smile on her face

You notice her hand behind her back, and lift your head curiously

“So, I know it’s not the same, but I told Bela what happened and asked her to fix it…”, she trails off

You can’t help but smile and cry as she pulls her hand to the front, a bear, knit nearly perfectly and in the exact same colour as yours, sitting in her palm

“She’s actually really good at this stuff. I made her make me an octopus. I named her Sally”

[blushedfemmes]

do you have any advice for someone who is......... very autistic and socially anxious but wants to learn more/get connected/participate in butchfemme community? from what ive read so far im considering that i might uh.. fit? is that the right word for the situation? but i dont want to use labels that arent right or insert myself anywhere i dont belong so id like to gain more knowledge and experience within the community but i simply dont know where to start. i dont have a lot of friends and my friends who are lesbians arent butchfemme and frankly the idea of going to a bar and attempting to casually socialize with strangers who havent asked to socialize with me makes me SO anxious lol..

hi anon, i’m so glad you’re here! as a fellow socially anxious autistic i completely get it. but the years i spent feeling like i wasn’t allowed to be part of butchfemme, or even talk to lesbians without fearing i was hurting or offending them, ended up inflicting immense damage on myself while protecting/respecting absolutely no one.

i gently urge you to set aside the narrative that you’re “inserting yourself” or harming others by exploring your identity. that’s not possible. (and if others claim that it is, they are in the wrong, not you.) in my opinion the entire purpose of sexuality & gender labels is to help us find each other, to give us joy, and to ground ourselves, by naming/uplifting certain parts of us. if you try something out, and eventually decide it doesn’t give you joy or ground you in a way that feels right, that’s okay! there’s no harm done. i would wish you well as warmly as i now welcome you into butchfemme 🥰

secondly, butchfemme bar culture has not been a thing for over 50 years, so you’re not missing out on anything. i go out to queer/gay bars (and the occasional rare lesbian bar) bc it’s fun and i enjoy it but i have never met any butchfemme folks that way, and i don’t think it’s the best way to meet people and make friends. you’ll probably have much more luck online, or in local nerdy/hobby groups, such as D&D or ttrpg, community theater, or your local organizing/mutual aid scene. tumblr is honestly a great place to start and if you’re comfy sharing your general geographic area or state on here, it’s a great way to find people who might be local to you!!

you can also read about butchfemme, its historical context, and the ways it’s evolved. to start out with i recommend two essay anthologies: The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader edited by Joan Nestle, and its more contemporary follow-up, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme edited by Ivan Coyote and Zena Sharman.

i hope this gives you a place to start and, more importantly, a gentler perspective on your right as a human being to talk to others, explore parts of yourself, and find what feels good to you!!

[skunkes]

I know this might not be a fun thing to think about but have you tried actually considering jobs you'd like to do someday and how you'd work towards them? You talk about art a lot but frankly I'd never recommend turning your single hobby into a career. I know it sounds silly but take some quizzes (not like BuzzFeed. Long quizzes on .orgs) on the subject and look over the results. Maybe you'll find a goal you can move towards outside of just leaving home, which only sometimes seems to make you happy. Personally I started going to college late (community college is wonderful and easy to afford if you're low income because of pell grants) with the goal of working towards a full time job that wouldn't make me want to die. Rn I work part-time, which you may also be able to get away with if you have roommates! It's a bullshit job but since I'm moving towards something it really helps me keep my head up!

Yes and no! Ive never wanted an art career even as a kid which is why its been so hard um for the entire rest of my life. I want an office job but thats very vague and i dont know anything more specific other than i dont want to be in charge of people or more important things LMAO

every job here pays $8/hr so if i had to go to work AND still live here id kms. Id still have 0 time for anything with my dad demanding my time not spent at work. Theres some opportunities kinda there out of town for me rn with some friends' help but idk if im equipped to survive, and its also scary bc i have no plan for an After (if i did get any of the jobs ykwim. Like if i got laid off or didnt like it id have to come back home i guess bc idk what else id want to do After. I have 0 clue on what im ever going to do...)

In summary: i have looked into it...! All i ever do is look up jobs and careers and experiences on reddit then i tear my hair out because nothing sounds tolerable or achievable and even with a specific degree the entry level job you need to spend years working in before you barely start making a livable wage might not ever hire you and thats usually when i make panic vent posts about how i have 0 future 😭 the potential stuff im looking into sounds tolerable but idk how much it pays yet...and then well all the stuff i mentioned about the loneliness and escalating of life difficulty for no real reason

[thychesters]

Re, your post about sanji v absalom, i hope you dont mind a little rant, because I have a lot of feelings about this. Basically, post-timeskip sanji has become a huge frustration for me because it felt like his perviness has been dialed up by 1000 at the expense of not only the rest of his personality for the most part, but also in instances like this where someone he allegedly cares about has been violated and yet instead of really helping, he just makes the situation more unpalatable???? The fight with absalom became all about sanji and how pissed he was about absalom trying to marry Nami and that he has the invisible devil fruit, not about Nami and everything the asshole has been putting nami through. When we first met Sanji, he was still a perv, but it wasnt his like whole personality the way its become these days. It's just really disappointing, because I loved him when we first meet him and the perv stuff was annoying but i could at least roll my eyes and move on because its a stupid trope but at least it wasnt as bad as some manga Ive read, but now it's so much WORSE than most of the manga I've read and I dont like him much at all because of all this shit. He gets a little better in later arcs post-thriller bark, but it's unlikely I'll ever like him like I did before, and that makes me so sad.

one of my friends said he gets worse and and i'm just. beyond so disappointed about that. him being a little pervy was a quick gag in the beginning that was easy to roll your eyes at, if you addressed it all, because you knew there was never any intent behind it. he might faun over nami and robin, but again, they know there's no ill intent behind it. but hearing the perviness becomes his personaility is so disheartening. i want a sanji who cares about his friends and crew, not one who's overtly lecherous.

the fight with absalom really turned into being about him and his feelings when it never should have been that at all. his only feelings should have been anger -- anger over nami and what had been to her and what she'd been through.

frankly i'm really surprised and disappointed no one actually expressed any anger over that? after hearing usopp tell them nami had been spied on and attacked in the bath. (i get it's an action story with a few emotional beats, but you can talk about and show murder but not have someone go "that wasn't okay" about what absalom did?) that also gets me about usopp -- i mean yeah, i might be thrown for a second if i open the door and my friend is completely nude, but that's immediately going to be overshadowed by the fact that she's yelling for help and clearly being restrained. usopp, you can ignore the fact her boobs are out. do something to help her. (having her bathe before they were supposed to leave is also weird writing because they 100% could have been separated some other way.)

the same thing is played off for laughs later on -- sanji bursts in flame and oh man, he's so silly! gonna go save nami!

and when he first showed up in the church and was pissed i was like yes!! yes!! be angry for her and what she was made to endure. be pissed that your friend was spied on, assaulted, drugged, and stripped and forced into this situation. and instead of being pissed on her behalf it feels mostly like it's on his own. when he said absalom stole his dream my heart dropped into my stomach because was it something like dumb to marry nami (which absalom was forcing her into against her will?) or something creepier like he saw her naked when he didn't?

(not to ignore the scene in alabasta where she flashed them, but she was more in control in that situation and was able to make a choice. she was in control of her body! [sidebar, but cobra peeking over the wall was also fuckin weird because his daughter was there. she was also clearly less comfortable with what was happening too.])

nami is his crew mate and more so than anything his friend. she's his friend.

i hope nami's angry after all of this. i hope she stays angry. i hope the crew, her friends, are angry too over her treatment, over what happened to her. at least i will be.

[beesmygod]

So TotK seems to be clicking where BotW wasn't. Any insight on what the key differences are that work for you?

note: i played botw up until the calamity ganon fight and then went "yeah ok ive played a zelda game before", put it down and never went back. didnt play the dlc

i dont think anyone would be surprised to know that im a "majoras mask was the best zelda" guy but the reason has little to do with the "darker tone" or the lore but because reusing assets allowed the dev team to greatly (GREATLY in this case holy shit) expand on the actual contents of the game itself. i love gold/silver best for the same reason.

botw is like running around an empty movie set. theres nothing in that fucking game. at the time, due to the proliferation of crafting mechanics infesting literally every AAA game, it felt like nintendo was more focused about hitting all the checks on a checklist of tired mechanics that were included just for the sake of saying they had it. crafting! weapon durability! open world! pbbbbt.

none of these things proved to be enjoyable to me. keeping in mind that ive been playing zeldas since the snes (skipping only a handful of handheld games), the changes felt like steps away from what makes zelda games unique. crafting felt like an arbitrary step between me and potions. i wanted to swing my master sword with power, not experiment with clumsy weapons that stop existing after i finally get a feel for them. and the open world, frankly sucked.

mm rewarded me for my curiosity. experimentation and exploration would lead to interesting or gratifying results (did you know theres a paper airplane in ikana canyon...). botw is like playing in the window xp background. theres barely any landmarks, except shrines, or anything to do outside of getting the yiga clan's ass. theyre easy to pick out because theyre literally the only people on the road. the world is put to waste; i cant play with it, i can just observe and be extremely artificially hindered by its vastness.

this doesnt really fit anywhere else in the above open world rant, but trading the shrines for small and sparce dungeons was a huge let down. i was hoping for a series of cohesive puzzles intended to help my mastery of my newest weapon or ability. you know. like a zelda game

totk fixed this and every other problem in the best way possible; the devs dumped a ton of toys into my playpen, gave me a hot glue gun, and told me to go buck wild. i love to build a horrible contraption to solve my stupid problems or kill me instantly. i love that experimenting with weapons involves actual experimentation if you desire or you can have an inventory exclusively full of spear type weapons with vastly different properties by gluing a bunch of rocks or monster parts to it. but most importantly....the "stock up->head out->explore->return" loop no longer feels like i have to go to the dmv over and over.

sure, the depths are artificially large in the way that the map in botw was; theres not a lot to do except reveal the map and do plot stuff. but the overworld was given a complete overhaul using the empty map as a starting point. theres actually stuff to look at, ruins to explore, caves to investigate, holes to jump into, and all that shit in the sky to explore. the sky map might be sparse but its meticulously crafted so that just the process of explorating the archipelagos feels like a puzzle you need to solve, as opposed to a hurdle you have to jump.

there is so much more to do in totk that im pretty sure im over 20 hours in and havent done any of the regional main quests. ive been running around picking up side quests, uncovering the map, exploring the depths, fucking around in the sky, and dying my clothes. but its not annoying or overwhelming. it feels more alive and less like a weird map in an abandoned gmod server. im having fun.

for crit: imo, one of the biggest criticisms i have for both these games is that the voice acting is horrendous. nintendo has too much money to be tapping people who sound like they just got out of the shenmue soundbooth. zelda was not improved by voice acting and they should probably go back to everyone just having short exclamations like "HEH HEEH!" or "hmmm...".

also link doesnt roll anymore and its really fucking me up. im really struggling here lol. i keep trying to do dark souls shit and every fight involves me accidentally zooming in with the sheikah slate instead of locking on, hitting l1 istead of shield, and whistling for my horse instead of drinking estus.

also nerf rain

[rosekasa]

🥑🐝

hi anon!!!!

writers' truth & dare asks

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

immediately my best friend @renwatchesanime ahdjsja. they would bring out their apple pen and notability and our criminal law textbook

i think id also text @jattendschaton for emotional support because i feel like bren is the person ive sent so many vns to like 'am i bad person for this?? i feel like a bad person' and bren is very good at either reassuring me im not a bad person or honestly saying 'what you did wasnt ideal but i love you and understand you and you'll be fine'

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

BUTTTTT I HAVE SO MANY 🥺🥺🥺 IM BLESSED WITH SO MANY PEOPLE ANON!!!

@mozzygan : morgan my beloved: someone who never lets anyone feel forgotten! it's such a wonderful trait to remember people the way she does, especially when she does so many awesome things day to day already!! i feel like someone's priorities say a lot about them as a person and this is so true with morgan

@asukiess : autumn my beloved, she's always cheering me on 🥺 she is such a beautiful person in terms of literally everything -- personality, appearance, her brain, her creations -- and it feels like she is so Fully beautiful that just being around her makes you feel beautiful too

@ladyofthenoodle : noodles has known me since i was sixteen and has always felt like someone i know would stand by me regardless of how active i was in the fandom. i think the thing about noodles that has always inspired me is just the insane level of dedication she has to things in her life -- her work, her fics, her friendships, everything. to me she is someone extremely purposeful and very admirable!!

@jattendschaton : brenu has also known me since i was a baby and she has made me feel so loved and safe in her presence, even back when i didnt really believe i deserved it. bren has such a loving soul and i think it really shows in everything they do. their writing, their art, their tags on reblogs, and ESPECIALLY in conversations, you can tell that they are extremely full of love. talking to them feels like getting a hug. you can't NOT feel secure with them, even if you don't feel secure in yourself.

@hakucho-art : mika is my opposite in the ways that are so important to me. she is all the ambition and fire and fierce steadfastness to get what she wants that i lacked before i met her, and the best part is it's so natural to her that she doesn't even do it consciously. she is the person i turn to when i need to be reminded to stop thinking so much about what's the right thing to do and instead just do the thing and figure out what's right later. they are so amazing in every way and literally a case study on how to be naturally successful

@renwatchesanime : ren is my best friend and is quite literally always there for me. like, i never feel like im ever in an unescapable bind bc i know ren will somehow help me out. my fav thing about ren since forever has always been their brain. they're so fucking smart that i was jealous of them before we became friends. their thinking patterns feel like they catch all the things mine miss, and they're so insanely good at connecting information together and making it make sense. they're quite frankly an absolute genius and they dont give themselves enough credit for it.

[cupoftaae]

Forever and a day (KTH x READER) series♡

Summary: Your lifelong friend is forced to face his true feelings for you once he breaks the number one rule of becoming friends with benefits: dont fall in love. He knows he loves you, but you on the other hand need more convincing of the most important thing: the right decision.

Genre: fwb, roommates, friends to idiots to lovers. Fluff, smut, angst. The whole 9 yards tbh.

Pairing: taehyung x female!reader

Rating: 18+

Word count: around 2k

Warnings: swears, mentions to sex, allusions to sex, some angst?

A/N

Hi guys! This is my first chapter to my story “Forever And A Day”, Ive never written anything for tumblr before so this is exciting! I will figure out a schedule for posting, but this will have several parts! I will make them longer along the way as well. Please note that English is not my first language so please excuse any spelling errors <3 feedback is always appreciated too :) happy reading !

————————-

“Are you ok?”

Taehyung breathed heavily and moved off of you to lay against your side, noticing your vacant expression as your eyes traced the ceiling.

You turned to look at the boy, tracing a finger over his face as you slowly nodded and closed your eyes.

Taehyung and you have been roommates for almost 3 years, but you’ve been friends since middle school. Which kinda makes it weird to think the same kid you would run home to play video games with is now your current friends with benefits situation.

You can’t recall exactly when it started, but you knew it was probably around the time he began to work from home. He would sit in the living room from the morning till late at night, and of course you would accompany him, keeping him fed over dinner and a glass of wine. One drink would become Two, then three, and before you know it, your clothes were scattered across the floor.

“Taehyung”

Your eyes opened up to look back at him in his post sex state. He was always gorgeous, taehyung didn’t have to try to be handsome. He just had this charm to him, and perhaps that’s why it was so easy to fall into this entanglement in the first place.

You both made an agreement that this was strictly just sex, nothing more, and nothing less. It was an outlet to relieve each others stress, it was for fun.

Would you be lying if you never thought of taehyung as more than just someone you occasionally fuck? Yes. But you knew you couldn’t do that. He is a busy man, and works almost full time, he has no room in his life for a relationship and frankly, neither do you.

Taehyung on the other hand, coincidently, thinks the exact same for yourself. He’s been a bit more open about the fact he liked you in the past, but high school relationships never worked, so you both dropped it.

He’s always kept a special place in his heart for you, he’s always been willing to drop everything the minute you wish to be more than this.

He knows he would love you better than anyone has, but he can’t help but wonder what it is that exactly goes through your mind when you look at him, piercing dark brown eyes that say so much but yet, at the same time, are secretive and reveal nothing.

“I’ve met someone”

Oh.

Taehyung immediately withdrew his arms from around your bare waist, clinging them to his chest under the blankets in a almost a protective way.

He nodded slowly, “sorry”

You smiled at him softly, moving your hand to cradle his cheek and move his head to look back at you.

“Don’t be, I just wanted to tell you” you spoke so caring and quiet, as if you were afraid of his reaction.

“Is it ...serious?” He furred his eyebrows together

“Serious enough to..” you pointed a finger and waved it between the two of you. “...stop this” taehyung finished for you, watching your slow nod. He sighed and laid on his back. It was his turn to get lost in thought.

You sat up and propped your body on your elbow so you were looking down at him. You felt bad, what you and taehyung had was special, but it wasn’t love, it was merely lust. You wished for a relationship where you were given all aspects, not just sex. And as much as you wished that person was Tae, you knew he wasn’t emotionally or physically available for that. You had to move on.

“Yeah” you mumbled, brushing his hair back from his forehead. You looked over him once more, knowing this was the last time you would probably see him here, in your bed. The way his tan skin reflects with the soft lighting of your room, or the way he always wears that one thin gold chain that brushes against your skin while you kiss. Perhaps you’d miss this.

“Well” taehyung breathed out, sitting up and grabbing his sweatpants to put back on over his boxers. “I hope that you get everything you want, and that he treats you right” he smiled softly. “And if not, I’m always across the hall” he joked, laughing but not feeling amused.

You smiled sadly, watching him leave so quickly and in such a hurry made things awkward very fast.

As he brushed his hair back with his hand, he leaned over the bed to grab his shirt, face close to yours. He probably shouldn’t do it, he knows it’s wrong considering there was someone else in the picture now, but regardless, he leaned in to press a quick, but delicate kiss to your lips.

You reciprocated, feeling the slight loneliness once he departed and threw his shirt over his head.

“Goodnight Y/N, get some rest soon, you have an early class in the morning” taehyung smiled sadly, nodding his head to the direction of the door.

The tone of the room was off putting, especially since beforehand, it was filled with soft moans and quiet cries.

He didn’t even ask anything about who you were seeing, he didn’t want to know. He just wanted you to be content and leave it at that.

..but god did he wish that he was in that position with you instead. However, this situation only confirms to taehyung that you never saw him like that. Within the span of a few minutes, all of his hopes were dashed.

The following weeks were weird, the nights returned to just dinner, nothing more. You two sat on separate couches while you ate, then, said your goodnight to leave to your own rooms. You rarely took solo showers before, now it’s all you took.

You and taehyung were just friends, always have been. So why was this bothering you so much? The awkwardness and the tension taehyung brought with him, it lingered.

You wanted to bring it up a few times but considered that maybe it’s not you, maybe he has something going on and it would make you look stupid if assumed he was sad over sex. He didn’t even like you like that anyways.

About a month after this, kaito asked to be your boyfriend. You said yes considering you’ve been on plenty enough dates to know this boy by now. And you liked him, he was handsome and caring, so it made sense.

Taehyung on the other hand simply congratulated you upon hearing the news

“That’s exciting” he nodded, a half smile while he looked down on his glass of whiskey, grateful to have it in this moment.

“I know, I wasn’t expecting it but it’s nice, because we have almost every lecture together and he has a solo dorm too, so I can go ov-“

Taehyung looked up at you

“Why don’t you bring him here?” He questioned

“Oh, um, I don’t know” you shrugged, giggling. “I just feel like maybe it would be awkward?”

“Are you embarrassed of me?” Taehyung inquires before shooting down the rest of his drink.

“What?? Of course not, tae-”

He laughs, “I was joking Y/N”

“Oh” you slumped down, fidgeting with your fork. “He does know who you are though, I’ve talked about you plenty some”

“Really?” He seemed surprised

You nodded, “I guess I can invite him and a few friends over this weekend if you wanna meet?”

“Yeah, let’s do that. Sounds good”

Taehyung cheered, suddenly happy that you would be bringing kaito over. Originally, he had no desire to meet, however with the news of your official relationship, he wants the opportunity to check the boy out.

“What about you, huh?” You smiled and wrapped the blanket around you, staring at the other couch where tae sat. He smiled, a similar one matching yours. “What do you mean?”

“Have anyone special in your life?”

You teased, watching as he laughed and shook his head. “I’m too busy for anything, you know that”

You nodded, “I guess”

The next morning taehyung woke up first, stepping into the living room to greet his dog and take him for a walk.

Sleepy eyed and messy haired, you stepped out of your room to see him dancing in the kitchen with yeontan, spinning around and singing along to whatever song was playing from his phone. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight.

You walked over to yeontan and brushed his hair back, putting on a high pitched baby voice

“Hiii tanny, Hii baby!” You giggles and looked up at taehyung, who was pouting. “Where’s my hello?”

“God you are dramatic” you sighed and ran your hand up and through his messy dark hair. “Hiiii taehyunggg!!” You whined, watching him become content with the action.

Taehyung put yeontan down and grabbed his coat, throwing it on before looking back to you, “I am going out to take him for a walk, do you want me to bring you back coffee?” He asked

You turned around to him, noticing your hair in the reflection of the mirror beside his head.

“Oh my god do I look like that?!” You threw a hand over your mouth before beginning to tug at the messy pony tail, attempting to remove the tangled elastic. Tae couldn’t help but laugh, walking over, “yes you do look like that, should we send a picture to kaito?” This remark earned a slap to his chest from you. “That’ll be the last thing you ever do, Kim!” You laughed before feeling his hands in your hair. “Don’t hurt yourself, let me do it”

With that, your arms dropped as he attempted to untangle the mess. Feeling his hands tug at your hair induced an intrusive thought, you quickly looked down as you were sure your face was red.

“There we go” he spoke confidently, seeming to be proud of himself for such action. “It’s out” he held up the elastic before bending over to pick the dog up. “Thank yo-”

You turned around the same time he stood back up, your faces dangerously close together. You remained silent as he watched you. “So, did you want coffee or no?” He re-asked.

You shook your head and brushed your hair with your fingers. “Uh, yea please, thank you taehyung.” You quickly muttered and watched as he smiled and opened the door. “Oh and if you walk by Mrs.Yangs bakery could you pick up Like, cupcakes or something? I don’t have any desserts for tomorrow” you spoke, handing him $20.

“Of course” he nodded sweetly and headed out, shutting the door behind him.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he made his way. Was he imagining the way you looked at him, was he imagining you being flustered? Even if he was, it was a nice thought to occupy his head. After all, that’s what he did best: entertained the thought of you possibly ever liking him the way he likes you.

After his walk, he made his way to the coffee shop, waiting in line with yeontan in his arms. “It’s busy today, huh?” He spoke to the tiny dog against his chest before walking up to order both of your coffees.

“Hello how can I help you” the boy at the desk turned around and stared at taehyung, noticing the dog in his grasp.

“Hi, can I please get 2 medium caramel coffe-“

“Dogs arent allowed in here, sorry sir” he quickly spoke.

Taehyung looked taken back, looking around before speaking. “Really?”

The barista nodded. “But I’ve brought him in here plenty of times before and it was never an issue” taehyung looked down at his pet. “Well sir, it’s an issue now”. Taehyung wet his lips, knowing he could walk away right now, but he always was bad at biting his tongue. “So wheres the sign?” He dramatically looked around, the barista growing more annoyed. Taehyung turned to the person behind him, who was sighing. “Did you know there’s no dogs allowed?” He sarcastically called out. “Because usually there’s a sign” he shrugged.

“Sir please go, there’s people waiting” the boy at the desk pointed behind him. “I’ve literally never even seen you here before, obviously someone who was just hired and on some power trip!” Tae glared to the boy, trying to read his name tag. “Go already!” Some woman in business attire yells to the front. He turned to her before looking back to the boy closely, the name ringing a bell. It was kaito

Oh fuck.

“Sir just go please“ kaito spoke, looking at taehyung. “Ok....ok I’ll go I apologize” he spoke quietly this time, only realizing how much he might have messed up as he exited the coffee shop. Tomorrow should be fun.

The apartment door being swung open grabbed your attention, looking away from your laptop to see yeontan run in, followed by taehyung, who had an unreadable expression across his face.

“Hi, are you ok?” You asked, watching him lock the door and walk up to you. “Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” He quickly responded. “Because you seem...I don’t know” you brushed it off and looked back to your screen. “What are you up too?” He asked, leaning over. “Class?” You giggled and sat back, observing him before realizing he was empty handed. “Tae did you forget to stop by the bakery?” You asked. Tae slapped his hand over his forehead, “fuck” he sighed, “Y/N I’m sorry, you wouldn’t believe what happened at the coffee shop, which would....explain why I forgot your coffee too....” he mumbled the end. I’ll go back out!!” He turned around before you called to him. “No no tae it’s fine, I’m going out later anyways I guess I’ll just pick it up myself, no worries.” You replied, seeing his guilty expression and feeling bad. “It’s ok I promise” you stood and hugged him, “cmon let’s just watch tv. I need a break from this class my brain feels fried” you both giggled before sitting on the couch. Taehyung sat on the opposite couch, watching yeontan run into your lap. He always had a feeling that dog liked you better than him. “Tae” you called to him, “you can sit with me” You motioned him over. He hesitantly gets up and walks over, sitting far away and tucking his legs onto the cushion. You sigh and look at him. “You know it’s ok for two close friends to sit next to eachother right? we’ve done worse.” You spoke, earning a laugh and a nod from him. “I just don’t wanna cross any boundaries” he sighed, moving closer. “It’s not bad if there’s no bad intent” you shrugged and cuddled into him.

You were right, you two always were cuddly with eachother even before the whole fwb thing. But maybe there was intention? Because he physically had to restrain himself from resting his hand underneath your shirt, or pressing his length against your back as you laid on your side. These things were once normal, now it feels horribly wrong, and the desire leaves him with unbelievable guilt. He couldn’t help that he was still attracted to you, the way you looked at him while he explained the coffee situation left him feeling warm, even if he left out the fact it was your boyfriend he almost grabbed by the collar. Maybe what they say is right, it’s almost impossible to be friends with someone you’ve had sex (multiple times) with and not feel anything afterwards. He wouldn’t dare bring it up, he knew you weren’t his, he let you out of his grasp and watched as you got up to use the bathroom. The cold feeling infiltrated his arms once more. He was in trouble, and perhaps after weeks of denying it, he finally was coming face to face with the issue.

He was in love with you.

[boy-gender]

Ive been gaining a worrying amount of followers very quickly, and that already makes me a little wary, but thats okay! I want this blog to help more and more trans men and transmasc people feel they have a place to celebrate themselves and one another!

But unfortunately, lately, ive seen an increase in followers from a very specific, very insular, very niche group. Transnazis.

Now at first I didnt know what this was and assumed, as im sure many of you reading this will, that this means "im a nazi, and also transgender. I am a trans nazi." No. That's not what it means. Transnazism, one word, or any of its weird censored typing quirk variants, means "im not a nazi but i feel like i should be. I relate, somehow, to the aesthetics of the third reich." This is part of a slightly bigger but still very small group called transbigots or transharm.

I've spent the last two weeks or so since I noticed an influx of them trying to decide what to do. I'm not a huge blog by any means, but this blog is growing rapidly and has considerable reach in transmasc circles. I believe I have a duty to my followers to shield you all from the worst of the garbage that I encounter (one of the myriad reasons I dont respond to hate messages). So Ive been debating just blocking these people and not commenting on them publicly, because frankly I wish I could unknow what I know about them and I'm sorry to have to pass it on to y'all.

But seeing a small drove of them come my way and decide, somehow, that this is a place for them, that they're welcome here, or that I am somehow in solidarity with them frankly makes me sick. I have losing sleep, disrupting my schedule, missing appointments, and disordering my eating all because I am caught in a cycle of anxiety about these people being anywhere near me. I feel so viscerally uncomfortable I want to take off my own skin, and every time another one comes along or I read what they say, i can feel the physical pressure of all the vitriol i want to scream at them clogging up my throat.

To any transnazi or transbigot or what have you that may be following me who I missed, or who may want to follow me in the future, I have a direct message:

Do you huff paint out of a plastic bag? Are you breaking into zoos to get high licking rare exotic frogs? What in the FUCK is wrong with you? What fucking aesthetic of nazism could you possibly want to center your identity around- the skeletal bodies of camp survivors? The rooms of stolen teeth? The mass graves? Or do you just like a red white and black color palette? Explain it to me. I want to know exactly what I did that appeals to you so I can never do it ever again. I do not accept you. I do not welcome you. There is nothing here for you. I wish you a drastic and painful change of heart- I hope you get better, and I hope it hurts the entire time.

But while we wait for that, FUCK. OFF.

[goqmir]

hype level for future mtg releases (this is genuine btw i cant sleep because my leg hurts so bad let me have this)

Murders at Karlov Manor (Q1 2024):

15%. i kinda get the vibes. theres some interesting things generally but im not sure this one is for me. i like clue tokens so im excited for some support in that area but. ill probably pass on buying any of this

Outlaws of Thunder Junction (Q2 2024):

like 35%? its cool! i like the west quite a lot, everyones excited for deadbeat dad oko. im just not expecting a ton and id love to be proven wrong! new planes are always fun and it would be a delight to fall in love with thunder junction but my expectations are very tempered. supposedly its about "villians"-- of which my biggest dream is a reveal of a phyrexian that wasnt killed onscreen to be hanging out there. rakdos would be cool too.

Modern Horizons 3 (Q2 2024)

90%. i cant wait frankly. modern horizons 1 and 2 feature some of my favorite magic cards ever and ive never been around for a modern horizons release so im just so excited. cant wait. big fan i bet there will be so many cool cards dude holy shit

Assassin's Creed (Q3 2024):

5%. i dont give a shit about assassins creed. i like the aesthetics of black flag i guess. this is a set with boosters and the cards will supposedly be modern legal(?) but they arent draftable so thats gonna be a shitshow when the boosters are overpriced and you cant even run limited events with them like MAT but like. at least MAT was awesome and had a bunch of banging cards and introduced cool deciduous mechanics to standard and gave us [[Rocco, Street Chef]]. all this is giving us is ezio or some shit

Bloomburrow (Q3 2024):

75%!! woo!!!!! i cant wait for the little animals set. i like little animals. i would really like one of them to wear a thimble

things i want specifically out of bloomburrow:

give us kwain lore! kwain is such an important little guy to our playgroup we would all love a new kwain or some kwain backstory and there has never been a better time for it

fox tribal 🥺🥺🥺🥺 boros please plzplzplz i need fire foxes i need evil foxes i need foxes so bad i want a fox tribal commander ill do anything

Duskmourn (Q3 2024):

45%. wrenny is hyped for this one but i dont think ill be biting tbh. its cool! i like the vibes :) just not for me is what it seems like right now. maybe like LCI the set design and mechanics will be so sick that its just awesome but the setting isnt catching me

Not gonna talk about innistrad remastered i will not be buying that. give me anime art tamiyo

"Tennis" 2025 (death race across multiple planes with cars):

15%. i like vehicles but like. i feel like this one will kinda skew corny in a way i wont vibe with. the technology seems like kind of a lot too. cool idea, i hope its executed well

"Ultimate" 2025 (Return to Tarkir):

65%! i like tarkir :) they wont print the stupid fetches but whatever. tarkir is super swag and i hope they can resolve the weird multiverse tarkir thing and give us a swag set i believe in them. also ugin reappearance maybe........

Final Fantasy 2025:

100%. i am so onboard with final fantasy dude i feel like it will be so fucking cool compared to like marvel or doctor who or whatever. final fantasy fits so perfectly with the other mtg planes and theres so many interesting things to pull from every game could be its own set so the fact that theres like so much shit there like its so exciting like i cant wait for this one. im gonna play final fantasy 6 with wrenny before it comes out so thats exciting too teehee ^_^

"Volleyball" 2025 (top down space opera set):

95%. a space opera could be so fucking cool. im worried theyll fumble the bag and make it really fucking star warsy and thats a truly terrifying thought but i have faith that we can get so see some more interesting and solemn parts of space in magic the gathering. i think a plane with fledgeling space operations and wild star littered frontiers would be so fucking sick and thats like maybe one of my dream sets. please dont fuck this one up

"Wrestling" 2025 (Lorwyn reimagining)

cool. i like what they did to kamigawa. um idk 30%

"Yachting" 2025 (Arcavios/strixhaven)

yippee!!! 55%? i like strixhaven but showing off more of arcavios is what im really super into here cuz i feel like that could be a lot of fun. its an interesting plane i wanna see more

um anyway ill try to sleep again now i guess

[raisinchallah]

you know i have mostly rewatched one against an army as its own standalone thing i dont think ive watched it in order well since the first time ive watched it and its interesting really a crossroads of television styles and evolution its interesting i feel like far less important episodes have had closer links to each other and like its not like elements of the rift go totally unmentioned in one against an army and i do also think if it got itself to mired into backstory and past stuff well the show simply wouldnt be what it is and i think the core of the show is its extreme flexibility to kind of be whatever it wants ive seen some people compare it to doctor who which is imo quite apt and apparently it was a bit of an influence on rtd rebooting the show which u know u really can see with the whole angsty war trauma brooding leather wearing character who can pull all sorts of strange ideas out of the back pocket and knows all these historical figures personally opening the world up to a bored blonde 19 year old who wants to get out of her boring life... but anyways i think if u make a show like that too serialized and every episode leads perfectly into the next you simply cant go from wild comedy fight with fish one day to life hangs in the balance heartbreaking fight to the death to save the love of your life and have it all still work as a singular show if u know every episode must open with some kind of rundown of the events prior but anyways in like most episodes its really felt like even in the most innocuous episodes there is always this level of emotional reality connecting and building up xena and gabrielles relationship that makes the jarring disconnect of essentially nothing of the bitter suite going mentioned in one against an army when the season had so well balanced itself with a lot of wonderfully thematically connected loose two parters and all and i think while they do not need to be emotionally recounting all the events in illusia i think the episode would be a lot stronger if instead of gabrielles ankle being injured the reason shes not fighting is because she and xena are not on good terms still or that she has decided she doesnt want to fight after all of those experiences she hasnt been in a battle in a serious way since her first kill i think the ankle injury is so tonally dissonant with the rest of the episode and is part of a weird angle to the later gabrielle comedy bits where the joke is shes angry or not having fun which always feel oddly mean spirited when all the other actors get to let loose in more wacky ways anyways tho i often enjoy the mixture of comedy and tragedy in xena it simply is not funny enough or serious enough to really work and i think if it was more about emotional wounds and it can remain somewhat unspecified but i think it would truly make the episode hit another level if u got to see the emotional journey for xena to go from frostiness and discomfort in the beginning of the episode to it being this true breakthrough that she really does love gabrielle so much and that she will do anything to protect her and it could feel like a more complete emotional wrap up to the whole arc tho obviously these are feelings that can never truly be resolved and are frankly the driving questions that power all their relationship and conflict but you know...

[yourlocalmechanism-dr-carmilla]

Name: Alice Liddell

Position: (former) scout captain

Side: rebels(former), Queen of hearts (current)

Status: deemed detrimental to the war effort, but now employed by her majesty, the queen of hearts

Relationship: the general(?) The tow have been seen spending quite alot of time together and seeming to be close…we also osberved that there was a.small bottle we couldnt get away from her..odd

Remarkable action: stabbing the Jabberwocky's eye out, aswell as a few victories on war and for being able to overwrite comsat chesires code, fighting for the queen of hearts with such aggression and strength

Timeline of events as documented:

-after pleading for mercy for the knave of hearts, she was brought away to receive her own punishment- becoming a servant for the queen of hearts.

-comsat chesire used her voice to receive more soldiers to keep the war going

-first, brainwash was in order- by replacing her eyes and also caring for her haur- bloodstains are rather fashionable and the new eyes add a good flair to them :)

-then od course it us about making her body as suited as possible with the limited respurces..the subjecr alice has shown resisitance and stubbornness, bt we amamged to break her eventually

-the result: a fierce, intimidating soldier, a good guard dog to our wonderful queen

-shes rather deadly with the blade and swift, although we do iften have to keeo her mediacted or even sedate her when she loses it

-but then .ine day,the subject tried to murder our queen and we relaized that she was unsuited to be a soldier and trialed her and passed the judgement ofdeathh-whuch was carried out

Cause of death: decapitation, executed by her majesty, the queen of hearts. It was followed through

[notes added by raphaella la cognizi and jonny d'ville]

We deceided to rescue this poor girl- or her body parts. Raphaella said we shoudl jsut take the brain out and vocal chords and throw the rest of her head away, shed make a new one. (Frankly she is abit scary). The reason wyh we take her allng is her affinity for VIOLENCE, how she deals the rifle and because its time for abit of fresh members here, ya know? And also because raohaella felt sorry for her and wanted to give her a second chance…which she got i guess…and raph says that she did some VERY fine work which we all agree on..and so fsr, aside from usual ptsd, panic attacks nightmares, mumbling how her mind is in ruins and all that jazz, shes a good additoon! We get along swimmingly, shootign witnesses and everyone else on our time-she loves ising her blue rifle which is called “Dinah” …funny eh? Well, we picked up some more of these wonderland folks..even tho i didkt agree too…but then the arguments between them, are rather entertaining….but sometikes i do feel…sorry for her. With her Amnesia and also her not talking about her past- well except to me..she admitted she killed her parents as they supported king cole..and her sister was uncaring..…burnt down the house…mustve fucked her up preeettty bad…and i get thst…so..i wanna protect her abit more…but dont let the pthers read that!

“There's no exit out of my ruined mind”

I once fought for a good cause, a rebel soldier through and through

My parents never understood, they rather supported a old tyrant- that was their doom

A library burns far too easily and it can be passed off as a accident, my sister was in the house too, i felt abit of regret, but had to focus on the war

Oh, my mind is a labyrinth thats in shambles,

I cant get out, i keep being mislead

Through the haze i see myself, fighting, bleeding, when will it stop?

Nothing yet everything makes sense here

And who even was I before i found myself here?

Although you must say, ive never fought in the original war, so to say- but i remembered bits of stories and aftermaths…grim and bloody…

And then, one day/ a standard flight, as i pick up a old signal

It leads me to a planet, that is encased in wartimes, no one wants a ceasefire or peace it seems, as if everyone would die when the war ends

Oh, my mind is a labyrinth thats in shambles,

I cant get out, i keep being mislead

Through the haze i see myself, fighting, bleeding, when will it stop?

Nothing yet everything makes sense here

And who even was I before i found myself here?

I cant fins anyone that has sense in their heads/ and there i am, pleading in the favour of the knave of hearts- i am unsuccessful as i am being dragged away

The trial isnt fair of course and what follows is my eyes being replaced- a start to turn me into a guard dog for her majesty

Syringes, medicine and brainwash are the tools they use to shape me, drug me so i dont act up

Oh, my mind is a labyrinth thats in shambles,

I cant get out, i keep being mislead

Through the haze i see myself, fighting, bleeding, when will it stop?

Nothing yet everything makes sense here

And who even was I before i found myself here?

But then, i break through! Getting back at her, almost killing her like i did so many others in her name- i fail! My trial again is swiftly over and then, i kneel infront Of her, one last insult is hurled at her, before she slices my head off clean. Youd think death brings peace, but now- it brought fury and pain up inside of me, oh how loathesome!

And then i wake up..alive…feeling different….amnesia prevents me from knowing little more than my name…and a few locked away memories i shant tell…

Oh, my mind is a labyrinth thats in shambles,

I cant get out, i keep being mislead

Through the haze i see myself, fighting, bleeding, when will it stop?

Nothing yet everything makes sense here

And who even was I before i found myself here?

Speaking of alice..my version of her plus a song :3

[thewarnerbrothers]

alright i gotta say something

you really cant do anything when you have a moderately popular blog huh

look. im a lurker at heart. i just happen to have one issue: not being able to shut up when im interested in something. thats the only reaaon this blog exists. i didnt come here to make friends, though i ended up doing that along the way

i dont want or need your pity. what i need is for people i dont know at all to stop putting me under a microscope

newsflash: i dont matter. follower count doesnt matter. at all. do you know what its like having thousands of eyes on you all the time? it sucks

i literally cant do anything

if i block literal strangers, they get mad and try to publicly shame me for it. if i try to settle disputes amicably in private, its seen as bad. if i attempt to be open and transparent with modding decisions, its bad. if i ask people to actually talk to me, they dont. instead they kick up a frenzy in private to coordinate a stupid mass hissy fit disproportionate to any perceived slight they may have endured. if i make friends, people take it personally. people see that as some sort of insult. i cannot be friends with everyone. i wont. this hurts strangers feelings, dspite me not existing for their pleasure.

some of you feel very entitled to my time. you dont own me. i dont owe you anything. ive tried to not lose the few molecules of my mind left on a regular basis because of some people who are no longer in this fandom, and some who still are. and man. i am just. tired. of everyone. all the time.

i think even more than the fact that this series was released (mainly) as a bingewatch fest, what killed this fandom was you

not necessarily you, whoever is reading this. i mean the fans. in general. some of you are so annoying, rude, inappropriate, and willfully lacking in social skills. youre over dramatic. youre moody. youre dramamongering. youre liars. youre bullies. youre self-ascribed victims. you dont care about other human beings.

youre repulsive, frankly

you are part of the reason people have been leaving the fandom in droves. the homophobia. the transphobia. the ship hate. the inability to treat other people with basic human decency. the manufactured scandals. shut up and grow up

you know why i barely interact with larger fandom anymore? ill tell you

waves of harassment to varying degrees ad nauseam

creeps who refuse to even try to keep their fetishes to themselves in private groups that include minors

abusers (most of whom are thankfully now gone)

people befriending me only to reveal that they dont actually like or care about me as a person

the most willfully socially inept people to ever exist

nosy jerks who literally cannot stand not sticking their nose in personal problems that have nothing to do with them

people treating me and my blog like im google adsense. im not a billboard guys

people deciding i am evil for no apparent reason? sdkjfalsdjfa

thinly veiled anythingphobia pretending to be socially just (hi homophobes who imply that being lgbt by nature is 'adult')

people who just make things up. all the time. just make up a lie, say it passionately enough. if you try to defend yourself, youre seen as guilty/suspicious. if you try to resolve things quietly with only those involved, you're seen as guilty/suspicious. cant win

wankers who need to learn why parasocial relationships arent actually meant to be embraced wholeheartedly

really lame one-off trolls tbh

the most fandom discourse-poisoned takes i have seen since su hatedom was at its peak

im just tired of being nice all the time? i think you guys just like taking advantage of people you imagine to be good targets

listen. i am allowed to do whatever i want, regardless of how you feel about it. the same thing goes for you. i tend to try to resolve things reasonably and rationally, but i wont pretend ive never gotten mad or overreacted or made a decision i regret. ive made that pretty known. i like to think i've grown, and ive gone out of my way to apologize to people.

however.

some of yall do not understand that just because your feelings got hurt, it doesnt mean you are deserve an apology or an explanation. sometimes it literally is just a you problem. a skill issue. you need to grow thicker skin. learn how to curate your online experience. get. over it.

lets talk about blocking, shall we?

blocking is great. i block people all the time. i block bots, i block tag spammers, i block people who make posts with rancid vibes, i block people who ive personally interacted with and no longer wish to, i block because i get tired of seeing someones posts, i block people who post things that trigger me, i block blogs with icons i dont like. there's usually no grand reason for it, aside from egregious cases where i've been harassed. its also usually not personal. i will block people who ive followed for years. i dont care. i dont know most of yall. i know i've been blocked by tons of people and that's okay! i would rather people who don't want to interact with me do that.

if you get blocked, thats it. dont attempt to contact me again unless i reach out. im not the only blog in this fandom. youll live without my posts. i am not the arbiter of all things animaney.

im just some guy

i know that the people who need to hear this most will not care nor will they actually absorb what i'm saying. ive gotten a lot of hate over the dumbest crap. im done. i think i need to stop trying to be so friendly, because some of you think being a little pissbaby is the only way to interact with others online.

cant wait til i finally explode one day and just delete everything

tldr shut up leave me alone oh my god its not that big a deal jesus christ

[wolfisland]

weight talk

ed brain wants me to talk about how much weight ive lost every time the topic comes up because i do very much still link my self worth to my weight and its something im ACTIVELY deprogramming, because not only is it damaging but its at odds with the standards i hold others to - i dont view other people as lesser for their weight, why should i subject myself to that?

like im one of those people who is in exactly the perfect position to actually have a view from both sides here. i went from being so obese it was legitimately killing me, both physically and psychologically, to just like barely overweight.

its something that i have to sort of accept about myself in the sense that i wouldve died had i not lost the weight, but also the weight loss did not actually make my body better in an objective sense. i avoided a much more painful death and existence that carried so much shame and insecurity because of how much fatphobia had whittled down my self esteem, and my already existing health issues were heavily exacerbated. like in many ways the weight loss was good for me, there are so many more things i can do now and thats good, but i also shouldnt have had to lose any of that weight to deserve respect from peers and medical professionals. i shouldnt have had to lose that weight to lessen any psychological distress. i shouldve been allowed to just live, and also eat and sleep and exist free of shame just because of my body.

its very surreal coming from that perspective of relatively sudden and drastic weight loss because its like there are positives but also many negatives that i wasnt briefed on or prepared for because it was just assumed all of the future trauma and stress and illness was worth it as long as i could be ✨skinny✨, and that my priority should be being ✨skinny✨

like i cant use part of my stomach. i cant digest my food correctly. i have new allergies that could kill me. i went from one ed to another and had body dysmorphia so severe that i couldnt recognize my own reflection for the better part of two years. i absorb and process alcohol and most drugs faster and am so much more at risk of addiction for this very reason. my fucking teeth are weak. my body hurts just as much as it did before, just in different ways now.

these are all BAD things. but theyre seen as worth it because at least the number on the scale is smaller and i can wear crop tops now, i guess. its worth it because now people ogle me and buy me drinks at bars. like what?

i cant honestly say i regret the surgery. i dont. im acutely aware that it saved my life and while the confidence boost that came from it didnt come from actual self acceptance for a very long time but rather my ed being validated and external praise being heaped on me, that confidence did help me unpack a lot of other issues which DID eventually lead me to accepting that my self worth should never have been tied to my body.

but i do regret that it wasnt motivated simply by preserving my physical health and prolonging my life when my ed was killing me, but rather because i hated myself because other people hated my body. thats fucked up

also im never gonna be ✨skinny✨ and frankly id look fucking scary if i was. god wanted me to have a tummy and im never fucking getting rid of it

[wayward-aeon]

Hey hello!! Im pretty sure Ive seen you around via divine-elixer's post notes, and Ive popped in and out of your blog for the past few months, and Ive been super curious about how you practice "pop culture paganism" bc Ive kinda wanted to get into sth similiar?

I have lots of fun religious trauma from childhood into adulthood and so i was like, fuck it, we ball, im making a new religion -- but im unsure where to start, but I want to incorporate my kintypes into it (aka, Ganyu having a Morax/Exuvia statuette/shrine).

Im also lumine, so like, *waves from the other side of the reality barrier* same hat meme

Anyway, you dont gotta answer if you dont feel comfy, but I'd just like some vague sense of how you go about your practices to see if any of that appeals to what Id want to create or partake in if that makes sense.

♡♡♡ Have a good one!!! ♡♡♡

- @laputian-lilies (kin blog is @twin-wishing-stars )

hi!! i'm always happy to get messages from fellow gen/shin folk!!!

before anything else, sorry for the delayed response! also, this might get long it got really fucking long, so i'm putting it under a cut.

pop culture paganism is great precisely because it can really be anything you want or need it to be. this makes it really great for those who struggle with religious trauma, or have other aspects of life that interfere with more "mainstream" religious practice (mental illness, disability, simple lack of spare time, etc) because if there's anything you don't want to or can't include, just toss it. you're perfectly welcome to compile all the theoretically enjoyable and comforting things about religion and leave the rest on the curb.

ultimately, your practice will be entirely yours. there's no wrong or right way to do it, as long as it works for you.

for me, as fictionkind, a big part of what makes PCP so appealing is being able to feel more connected to the other worlds i've been, lives i've led, and the people i've met along the way. like, a "no need to be homesick if some of home is still with me" kind of thing.

talking specifically in the context of gen/shin, although i definitely wouldn't consider myself a devotee of the archons, some of them were very dear to me. giving them a sort of platonic reverence, more akin to friends sharing drinks around a bar than a worshipper offering libations, helps me feel connected to them. i do also still acknowledge the power they have, so i might invite them to share it with me in times of need.

as an example, one thing i did as an experiment a while back was draft a couple modified versions of the lesser ritual of the pentagram. these were made in tribute to barb/atos and mor/ax, and in place of the angels or divine names, they called upon the Four Winds and the yaksha, respectively. i haven't used either of them in practice, mostly because frankly i don't have much of a practice to speak of these days (thanks, shitty mental health), but i have complete confidence in their effectiveness just by virtue of my trust in the beings to whom they're dedicated.

this is the part where i interrupt myself to say that i recommend anyone interested in PCP reads a bit about chaos magic. chaos magic is all about the power of belief, and there's a heavy emphasis on individuality and carving one's own path, so their resources and anecdotes can be very helpful to us pop culture practitioners building our own systems from scratch.

anyway, i also like incorporating aspects of technopaganism into my personal practice. a big part of this is virtual shrines and temples! i've been playing a lot of minecraft recently, and creative games like this are perfect for building little temples or tributes to any entity you may acknowledge. there's no need to worry about not having enough space or not being able to afford materials, and they never need to be cleaned. i also adore the sort of shrines you might find on folks' personal webpages, and i'd like to make one for myself when i get around to making my neocities page.

this is something we as gen/shin fictionkind have a foot ahead in, because between our personal teapots and the many religiously significant areas in the game itself, we always have a lot of ways to immerse ourselves and connect directly to the object(s) of our devotion. i don't want to call him out, because he doesn't consider himself religious, but a fellow sourcemate regularly offers incense to the temple of pervases, which i think is a perfect example of this. for me personally, i like to sit in the hands of the barb/atos statue in mond/stadt when i'm feeling down, or need to ground myself, or i just want to feel close.

i would eventually like to incorporate more personally significant things into my physical space, but that means spending money, and i'm forever broke, lmao

in terms of more "traditional" worship, pop culture gods are no different from any other god. you can pray to them, give them offerings, ask them for aid, perform ritual and divination in their name, anything that feels right for you!

other than all that, i guess the biggest thing for me is just acknowledging that, even if i may be far from home physically, i will always have a spiritual connection to the places and people that matter to me. i still see them in my dreams, i still hear them in whispers on the wind. and i know they can hear me, too.

i think that's all i have to say. forgive me if its disjointed or not very coherent at times, i'm very scatterbrained these days. thank you for the ask, and i wish you luck on your journey!

[g-gurokisses]

ive been okay !!! truly lots of changes :P .. i found someone that actually likes me as much as i like him lol. we spend all our time together,, we both get jealous when we hang out w our friends but its okay cuz we js call right after. its like finally i am not the only one doing the obsessing..

its so nice it doesnt even feel like im obsessed!!! cuz so is he :P. at first i thought it wld just fade on his end as it usually does, and then i thought id feel smothered and want him gone but.. its been like four months i think and were still the same.

the only thing i wld change is if i could just finally make it Oficial lol. but, im waiting for certain things to fall into place for that first. still cant wait tho :3

i like him so much.. i love him So much. its funny, ive never met someone so normal yet so weird. he gets everything i say but he doesnt get it like i do,, but he gets it in a way nobody ever has before. he gets me,, its like he knows me yk?. i hope we get far, i dont ever wanna be away from him.

– く⁠コ⁠:⁠彡

Thank you for sharing this with me!!

Oh this is wonderful, just wonderful!! I'm so happy to hear that my dear! Success stories are always the best part of this blog! This truly warms my heart ♡

Doesn't it feel amazing to finally feel loved and understood, even when you thought you'd never get love? It's amazing!! And I hope anyone who reads this realizes that time and patience will get you far, everyone finds someone eventually!!

Frankly I also had my phase where I thought I was unlovable, or that relationships weren't for me. I even thought, for a moment, that friendships could replace relationships! People who have been following me for a while and read my posts a lot might remember that... Quite embarrassing when I look back now! Tehehehe~

Now of course, that might very much be the case for some, and there's nothing wrong with that, but for yearning and love-filled people like me that just doesn't cut it!

Now you know what it's like to have someone who genuinely loves you! Someone who needs you and is infatuated just like you! My dear beloved and I are often too much for the average person, but we're perfect for each other. I've never had someone be exactly what I wanted like that, and I'm guessing you feel the same!!

That is to say, I'm so happy for you!!! And I wish you both the absolute best, even tho I already know you're starting off by a great start!! I can sense this relationship will do wonders for you.

And for the rest of my dear lovely readers, don't give up! Know your worth, know how much your love is valuable and NEVER settle for someone who underappreciates you. Communication is key, but if you ever feel unwanted and unloved and talking doesn't work; Please, put yourself first. You don't owe anyone anything, and that inclues you too.

As someone who was stuck in a tiring and unreciprocated friendship for years, I regret not realizing how little that person cared about me.

Remember, the right person will never make you feel inadequate!!

But most importantly, remember that I LOVE YOU~ ♡♡

[coldresolve]

let me start this off with i hella respect you and love your art/stories, but all this discussion about torture got me thinking too and i definitely dont wanna come across the wrong way, i agree with you on many points, but i just dont think its that deep.

cause honestly ive been writing torture since i was like 11 so i know its not that serious. not for most people. i get that it could come across the "wrong way" but like... most people literally do not think about this. that being said, ive never written torture in an interrogation setting when it WORKED (i did write interrogation but actually never worked cause then i would have had to stop writing the torture, and, you know, thats what i wanted to write, so the person being tortured never "break").

i wrote (and am writing) torture because i, personally, enjoy it (and get off to it). my characters (the torturers/captors etc) are doing it mostly out of sheer enjoyment/passion. they dont try to get info, dont try to get their victims to be obedient, dont try to brainwash, none of that. i just write what makes ME feel GOOD. i never ever thought about "how would this affect people" or "what deeper meaning does it have", cause, frankly, it doesnt have a deeper meaning for me, all it means is "mmmm torture, i love it".

i. just. enjoy. it. that simple!!

and while im not a fan of the "whump community", i believe lots of people there think like me, in the sense that they just want to write what they enjoy without thinking about it. reflecting to what the other anon said.. like yeah they say it's "fiction only", and it "could be interpreted as torture apologia" (a term i havent even heard before you talked about it), but it really is just that.

it might sound "bad" or "ignorant" but most people dont go digging for info or research studies before they go writing, and that's alright, most people write FOR FUN. as a hobby. not trying to think too hard about things, you know, just let out their thoughts, frustrations, emotions, all that shit. can it come across as ignorant? probably! but at the end of the day, it's just people writing for the sake of writing.

i really, REALLY respect you and your story and how much thought and research goes into it. i dont read all that "whump" shit, im mostly "in the community" for the art and pictures. your story was the only one that captivated me, and it's not for no reason. i WISH i could write the way you do. but... most people wont ever do all that for writing, for something they just do on their freetime as a hobby.

and believe me, ive been writing for 15+ years now. all that time its only ever been a hobby, ive never done research, i do it when i feel good, to feel good. and im not planning to release. most of these people on tumblr, in the "whump community", they dont plan on releasing. they just sharing their little stories with each other. as far as i can tell, there is no harm in it like you say in harry potter or batman, all that. these little stories wont make it out to the public. and im sure most people who write dont even upload their writing! (me included, hahaha.)

just saying. its not that deep:) keep doing you because you and your story is AMAZING, but just dont give too much time of your day to all these random "whump writers" who write shit you wouldnt wanna read anyways:))

serious here if you're this far gone in wilful ignorance i think i would like you to stop reading my content. i mean this genuinely. people like you are not part of the audience i wanna build ykwim