#but its the ending section of this interview that always sticks in my brain

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

[iambutmortal]

Chapter 4 for @elucienweekofficial Day 5: Sunshine

Summary: When Elain signs the divorce papers she’s sure she’s done with Lucien Vanserra. Until they’re offered the chance to recreate their honeymoon as a part of her job. For free. But reliving all those memories with Lucien proves leaving may be more difficult than she thought.

Word Count: 2.8k

Authors Note: I had a bit of a brain crash yesterday, so this was supposed to be for day four. I'm either going to post three chapters in the next two days, or two longer chapters to make up for it, sorry.

Read on Ao3 | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

True to Lucien’s word, Elain was confined to the bed for overnight, while he ran around actin as a dutiful nursemaid and she grumbled and complained.

“I don’t think laying under an umbrella outside is going to change anything,” Elain moaned, for what felt like the thousandth time. “And I’m sick of this room.”

“Too bad,” Lucien said, handing her a mug of tea. “Interview is in three hours and you’re not stepping foot outside until then.”

“But���”

“Nope,” Lucien said. “And both Nesta and Cassian agreed before you start complaining about how mean I am. You need rest.”

Elain pouted, but took a sip of her tea. She felt the warmth work its way down her throat, and was relieved to find the sip didn’t leave her running to the bathroom. After a night of sleep her stomach had settled considerably, but she would much rather play it safe than sorry.

“Can I at least start to get ready?”

Lucien huffed and glanced down at his phone. “Give it another twenty minutes. I’ll get you a piece of toast to gnaw on.”

Elain muttered something rude at him, but grabbed the kindle from where she’d discarded it across the bed. She was still only halfway through the book she’d started on the plane, and the heroine had ended up in a small town. With her ex. Really it was getting far too realistic for her tastes.

Lucien, cruel warden, did relent when he came back and saw Elain was managed to keep the bread down.

“Go take a shower.”

Elain practically bounded out of bed, slamming the door on him.

“But sit down when you blow dry your hair,” he shouted at the wood.

Elain opened the door a crack, just enough to show him her middle finger.

Lucien’s laughter followed her, something warm burning in her chest. She did concede to sit on the bed to do her hair, definitely for Lucien and not because she felt a little light headed after standing on her feet for too long.

“Ready,” Lucien asked, when the clock hit four. He’d thrown on a pale yellow polo shirt and stiff tan pants, to match the white and yellow flowered sundress Elain had pulled out to wear. His hair was back in a neat ponytail, a few strands escaping to frame his face.

“Do we look home and garden approved?” Elain asked, sticking the last bobby pin in her hair. She’d done her best appropriation of beach waves, pinning the front sections gracefully behind her ears.

Cassian wasn’t officially on the job as photographer, but image had more power than anything in an interview.

“We’d fit right in Cassian’s magazine,” Lucien said, offering her a hand.

Elain took it, letting him pull her to her feet. And then held it as they walked through the resorts, savoring the feeling of calluses earned from the gym against her fingertips. Outside the air was so humid she could feel her hair curling in rebellion, frizzing around her temples. She cursed herself for not bringing anything to tame it with.

She reached up a hand to try and smooth it down.

“Your hair looks fine,” Lucien whispered, before throwing open the door to the conference room they’d be using.

Elain was almost instantly wrapped in a hug. “Oh my gosh it’s been so long,” gushed Mor, giving Elain a squeeze before pulling back to embrace Lucien.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Elain said. She had met Rhys’ cousin a handful of times, at the wedding and a few dinners around the holidays, whenever she could come from New York and had always liked the blonde woman. They’d had several long conversations over coffee on the latest fashion trends, or whatever celebrity was currently acting like a fool.

“I wasn’t,” Mor said. “But when I heard Viviane had you as an assignment I made her switch. She’s currently in Brazil covering fashion week.”

“That’s a hell of a trade on her part,” Lucien said, lacing his fingers with Elain’s and leading them over to the makeshift interview space set up. Three chairs, for Elain, Lucien, and Cassian, who was joining them later, stood across from the one Mor had already draped her red purse across.

“But I get to see you guys,” Mor replied, sweeping elegantly into her seat. “So I think I got the better deal.” She reached into her purse to pull out a small notebook and pen, both matching red, and flipped to an open page. “So,” she said, clicking the pen. “How are things going?”

“Good,” Elain squeaked.

Mor’s eyebrows arched dangerously close to her hairline. “Just good? A sharp decline from Christmas then.”

Elain could feel her face burning under the scrutiny.

Lucien tightened his grip on her hand, placing it on top of his thigh. “We’re in paradise, all expenses paid, with each other. What could be wrong?” His voice was innocently neutral, a perfect deflection of the question. God he would make such a good politician.

Mor tilted her head, golden blonde hair sliding over her shoulder in a silky sheet. “Alright, so what makes here paradise?”

“It was the first place we went while being married,” Elain said, meeting Mor’s brown eyes. “So it’s always going to have good memories associated with it.”

Mor tapped her pen against the notepad. “Bad answer. You could have stayed anywhere after your wedding. Why here?”

“Because I’ve always loved the beach,” Elain admitted. “We only got to go twice growing up because of money and both times it was magical seeing that much open water. Lucien took me to Santa Monica for our second date, so it only made sense to come to a beach for our honeymoon.”

Mor was nodding along to her story, scribbling furiously with her pen. “And Lucien? Why this resort?”

He cleared his throat. “I like to see Elain happy. And she never stopped smiling on our honeymoon.”

Mor gave a disapproving hum and Elain was reminded of why Mor was the top of the top in the industry. Every other interviewer would have gushed over that answer, and how romantic it was.

“And I didn’t get the chance to make a lot of good memories as a child,” Lucien continued after a moment. Because he’d grown up with his step father, Beron, who was by all accounts horrible. “So anytime I get to see someone I love happy I get a strong attachment to the place.”

“And how do you feel being back now?”

“It’s…different,” Elain said. Mor gestured for her to go on. “After three years we’re in a new place in our relationship retreading someplace old.”

“New good or new bad?” Mor asked.

“Just new,” Lucien answered quickly.

“So bad.” Mor underlined something on her notepad. “Elaborate.”

“It’s called a honeymoon period for, I don’t think people can be expected to stay in it forever,” Elain said defensively. “Not three years after the actual honeymoon.”

“Feyre and Rhys are still in theirs.”

“They’re the exception,” Elain said. “The rest of us don’t live in a fairytale.”

“Hard truth for a story about a fairytale honeymoon,” Mor said softly.

Elain was saved from responding by a knock on the door.

“Just a minute,” Mor called.

Cassian walked in anyway. “You’d leave me in the hall like a dog? I’m wounded.”

Mor rolled her eyes, but stood to press a kiss to his cheeks. “I missed you, you big oaf,” she said.

“Move back to LA then,” Cassian begged, taking the third seat. “Then I’ll never leave you alone.”

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Mor flipped to a fresh page. “We’ll come back to that conversation later.” She gave Elain a pointed look. “For now, Cassian, what’s the best part of working here?”

Cassian launched into a spirited discussion about the lighting and angles the resort offered, how he framed his shots, and what he was planning tomorrow when they went into the jungle.

“A lot of houses today are sharp angles,” he finished, “which is interesting, how do you make set shapes look dynamic, but this is just so different and it’s really pushing me to the limits.”

“Amazing,” Mor muttered. She looked up. “Anything to add, Nesta?”

Elain turned around to see her sister standing in the doorway. She’d been so engrossed in Cassian’s explanation about his work she hadn’t noticed her arrival.

Nesta cleared her throat. “I hadn’t quite realized how much work Cassian put into this, it’s nice to know I can trust my sister to him. I always thought this was just some blow off beach job for him.”

Cassian shook his head. “It was never a blow off job, Nes. None of them were.”

Nesta looked the most regretful Elain had ever seen her.

“So,” Mor said, “then what is it like to work with Cassian?”

Lucien was nice enough to take that question, gushing about how good of a director Cassian was while Cassian looked sheepishly pleased with himself.

Elain watched over his shoulder as Nesta slipped out of the doorway and back into the hall, with one final look towards Cassian, and made a mental note to talk to her about it later.

Mor worked her way through several more questions, teasing answers out of Elain, Lucien, and Cassian, until Cassian’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out with a frown, scanning the message before quickly typing out a response.

“Is there a problem?” Mor asked.

“Sorry,” Cassian said apologetically, setting the phone down face first on the chair arm. Only to pick it right back up when it buzzed again. “I sent some concept photos in and they’re just now getting back to me.”

Mor nodded, waving for him to carry on, and turned back to Lucien to discuss what his possible political career held. Cassian was still typing, his frown deepening.

Elain leaned towards him. “What’s wrong,” she hissed.

Cassian startled. “It’s nothing.”

“Is it about what happened yesterday?” Elain asked, feeling guilty all over again.

Cassian shook his head emphatically. “Absolutely not. It’s something I’ll handle.”

His phone rang and he sighed deeply. “I have to take this,” he whispered, sliding out of the room.

Mor and Lucien were still deep in conversation, and Elain made the split second decision to follow Cassian out. She had no doubt it was about yesterday, and had every intention of begging for forgiveness to the producers.

She made sure to shut the door behind her, lest Lucien find out and chastise her for making it her responsibility.

Cassian was pacing the hall, agitated. “I’m not doing it,” Cassian snarled at whoever was on the other end of the line. “So tell them to shove it.” A long pause. “What do you want me to say? Sorry your face looks like that, I'm only photographing the other side from now on?”

White hot anger shot through Elain at the words. She’d never quite understood the concept of seeing red before now, but her body felt like it was on fire. She cleared her throat, catching Cassian’s attention, and motioned for him to mute the phone.

“Tell them I’ll walk,” Elain said. “I’ll walk and they’ll have none of their photos then if they want to say a single thing about Lucien.”

“Elain—”

“And tell them that I’ll also make sure everyone knows what ablest assholes they are.”

“I can’t—”

“Tell them,” Elain ground out.

 Cassian unmuted the phone and put it on speaker. “It’s going to be a no from Ms. Vanserra on retaking from a different angle.”

“Tell Ms. Vanserra she’s not the one in charge of this shoot.”

Elain cleared her throat. “Well Ms. Vanserra would like to remind everyone that her brother in law is Rhysand Night, and I’m sure he has a magazine that would love to cover what Cosmopolitan had to say about people with facial scarring.”

Elain could almost hear silent panic on the other end of the line. Because Rhys’ dad had given him full control over their media empire, and he was currently trying to expand into the fashion space. Something Elain was sure had the executives on the line very, very worried.

“I think there’s been a miscommunication,” said a voice through the speakers after a pregnant pause. “We just wanted to make sure Cassian was capturing a full range photos from all perspectives. To make sure he wasn’t missing something special”

“I think Cassian’s photos are very special,” Elain countered. “Especially with the framing he chose to use.”

Another long pause. “Looking at them again, I think you might be right, Ms. Vanserra.”

“I know,” Elain said, her tone far too prissy for any model. There went her reputation for being easy to work with. “I’m glad we could come to an understanding.”

Cassian took the phone off speaker to say a few farewell remarks and then hung up.

“This is a new side of you, El,” he said. 

Elain flushed. “Sorry.”

“No, no, I like it.” Cassian swung open the door. “Besides, knowing your sisters I shouldn’t be shocked.”

They both took their seats. Mor didn’t miss a beat, shifting her attention back onto Cassian to ask about the logistics of planning a shoot like this.

“All good?” Lucien whispered as soon as Elain sat down.

Elain smiled weakly. “Peachy.”

“Okay,” Mor said, slamming her notebook shut. “That’s all I need for now.”

“Really?” Elain asked.

“No, but I have a dinner reservation with Cassian in twenty minutes,” she said with a wink. “And I have both your emails if you need anything else.”

“Plus you two also have a dinner to get to,” Cassian added.

“Do we?” Lucien asked slyly.

“A little treat from us,” Mor said. “For putting up with my questions. And yes, what you have on is fine.”

“Now go,” Cassian said, shooing them off. “Do something fun that’s not photographed.”

“Roger,” Lucien said, taking Elain’s hand and pulling her out of the room. Elain had a sneaking suspicion Lucien was in on it as he led her straight to the beachside restaurant in the resort and to a table overlooking the sea, candles already lit. The same one they’d sat at on the second night of their honeymoon.

“You know,” he said after they sat, “you’re sexy when you’re angry.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Elain said, mortified.

Lucien shrugged. “You don’t need to spare me. I already knew they were thinking it.”

“They shouldn’t have been,” Elain muttered. “Assholes.”

“See,” Lucien leaned back in his chair. “Sexy.”

“And it’s not sparing you it’s—” Elain searched for the word.

“Sparing.”

Elain sighed. “Okay maybe a little.”

“You can tell me things,” Lucien said, eyes imploring.

Elain smiled at him weakly. “It’s just hard for me sometimes,” she admitted. “I don’t want to rock the boat.”

“Calm waters are boring. Speaking of which,” Lucien’s eyes gleamed, “how long after dinner will it take for Nesta to find Cassian alone somewhere.”

Elain choked. “Oh god, you don’t think—” Lucien raised an eyebrow. “An hour, max.”

He snorted. “Ten dollars says he leaves halfway through dinner.”

“Twenty says he tries and Mor makes him wait.”

Lucien held out his hand. “Deal.” They shook on it. Their hands hung suspended, neither willing to let go. Lucien’s thumb ran down Elain’s skin, causing her to shiver slightly. It felt like middle school all over again, with how agitated she was getting by mere contact with Lucien. My romantic life has reverted to hand holding. Perfect.

“Dinner menu?” asked the waiter, appearing with copies in arm.

Elain went to drop Lucien’s hand but he tightened his grip, resting their hands atop the table. Another stroke of his thumb.

“We’ll take whatever you recommend,” he said, not looking at the waiter. His gaze was focused entirely on Elain, with an intensity that made her feel like she was burning.

“Of course sir,” said the waiter before disappearing.

“Your stomach feel okay?” Lucien asked.

Elain nodded. “I’m starving honestly. I think I could eat anything you put in front of me.”

“Good,” Lucien admitted. “Because I have no clue what I just asked for.”

Elain feigned shock. “And I thought you were so smooth too.”

“I aim to impress.”

Thankfully, the waiter had an excellent pallet, and the evening passed quickly, the two of them talking so easily Elain could almost convince herself the last couple months weren’t real. That this was their relationship.

And on the way out of the restaurant Lucien slid an arm around Elain’s shoulders. She leaned against him, resting her head on his chest. “You don’t have to set the pillow wall up tonight if you don’t want to.”

“Trust us to behave ourselves then?”

Elain hummed. “We’re both adults aren’t we.”

“I do want to do very adult things to you, yes,” Lucien said.

“That’s not what I meant,” Elain protested, smacking his chest.

Lucien pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know. But let me have my fun.”

Elain rolled her eyes, but didn’t pull away.

[isolationstreet]

Es ist eine große Ehre. Vor allem weil ich Steve Barton immer noch so stark in der Rolle sehe uns weil ich nie der Meinung war, ich wäre Typ da für. Es is so schön wenn Dir dann jemand sagt, wir vertrauen Dir mit diser Figur. Und Wein ist mein Heimatstadt! Wie schön, wenn man  die Chance bekommt, eine solche  „Diamanten-Role” zu Hause zu spielle. Und mit dem besten Orchester der Welt. Man glaubt nicht was das für ein Geschenk ist. Ein Orchester das so groß ist und so unglaublich gut spielt.  Das giebt es wirklich nirgendwo sonst  Und jesde Mal, wenn ich mit Tanz der Vampire bigenne, höre ich Steve Barton lachen.  -Drew Sarich

Translation:

It is a great honor, especially because I still see Steve Barton so strongly in the role. I never thought I was the right type for it. It is so beautiful when someone tells you, we trust you with this character. And Vienna is my hometown! how nice. When you get the chance to play the staring role at home you plat it. And with the best orchestra in the world. You can’t believe what a gift it is. An orchestra that is so grand, so incredible plays so well. It really doesn’t exist anywhere else. And every time I begin Tanz der Vampire I hear Steve Barton laugh. 

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter four

Chapter Four

summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, depressed spencer, reader has a daughter, falling in love, strangers to lovers, library smut, oral (female receiving) lots and lots of fluff

word count: 3.9k

from the beginning <3

Everyone at work was very understanding. Almost all of them saw it coming, he was taking more sick days than normal and he wasn’t putting up a fight anymore when the 30 days was required to take rolled around. They were profilers after all.

He arrives on Thursday morning to pack his desk. The team is finally home and all together to wish him well on his future journey, giving him hugs and kisses as they each visited his desk.

They had already replaced him, Will LaMontagne was giving the FBI a shot, finally. Spending more time with JJ, the kids were old enough now to accept both of them working. And Kate Callahan was back, now that her baby wasn’t a baby anymore either.

Even Penelope and Derek showed up, bringing a cake that said ‘happy retirement’ written across the frosting. They were happy for him, they shared the same excitement he had. There was a thrill in his eyes again as they asked him about his plans.

“Tell us about this Y/N you met,” Emily cut into the laughter to get to the serious topics.

“I’ve been going to the park a lot recently and I found this little reading nook by a pond. She was there with her daughter and they invited me over to their picnic,” he realized how fake it all sounded as he continued to speak. “Her daughter is wonderful and super smart, I took them to the Smithsonian on Sunday and I’m completely smitten.”

Everyone swooned, happy to see him finally finding someone that makes him gush like this. It had been a very, very long time since Spencer has told any of them about a person, let alone someone he was in love with.

“She is wonderful,” Penelope added, “she makes the best tea and she lives in a literal Disney movie.”

Spencer laughed, “yeah she does. They probably read more books than I have, they make so many references all the time and they even dress up for what they’re reading, it’s amazing.”

They were amazed by how giddy he was, unable to stop smiling at him, “here we dressed up for the museum, I was milo from Atlantis and she was the old man in Tarzan,” he pulled his phone from his pocket to show them the photo.

It was his background now, Y/N sent it to him when he finally went back to his place Monday night, knowing he’d miss them. Not wanting him to be alone.

He was beyond proud to show them the photo, beaming from ear to ear as they all complimented his attire.

“She looks like you,” Kate added, “must be the genius gene,” she added, making awkward eye contact with JJ as they both clocked it.

“She’s exactly like me, that’s why Y/N likes having me around, it’s good for Amoreena to feel normal with the way our brains work,” he spoke about her like she was his own. Forever grateful to have her in his life.

“So when are you proposing?” Matt teased him. Knowing the feeling of love like this all too well with his perfect wife and a handful of children.

“I’m not trying to jinx anything,” Spencer admitted. “I actually have a job interview at the Library she works at later, so I’ll be around here a lot more.”

“He’ll be moved in by the end of the month,” Tara smiled, proud of him and the courage it takes to follow your heart.

“I’m going to miss you guys,” he presses his lips together softly, nodding as he avoids eye contact with them. “But you can call me whenever you need my brain, I guess.”

Hugs were exchanged as Spencer had to leave, Derek even offered to drive him back to his apartment to help with 4 boxes of books from his desk, and to have a bit of a talk like they always do.

“It’s surprisingly easy to be a dad, all you have to do is be there and love them,” Derek shared a tidbit of advice

“She told me she doesn’t mind me being like Amoreena’s dad, but I don’t think I can yet. I want her to decide when she wants me in that role.”

Spencer explains his feelings the easiest to Derek. Like he was already in his mind and knew the thoughts before he said them, Derek was never mad or disappointed in him. He loved him fully, and Spencer loved him right back.

“Like when you chose Gideon?”

Spencer can only nod, it’s still too sad to think about him being gone. “You know what it’s like, you love your father but there are other people in your life who fit the role better.”

“Yeah,” Derek agreed. “You’re going to be great, regardless of the name she uses when she thinks of you.”

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled as they pulled up to his apartment, “you should bring Hank to meet the animals this weekend sometime.”

“He’d love that,” Derek smiled back at him, patting his shoulder lightly. “I’m really proud of you.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it if you didn’t first,” he admits. “You’re a strong man who decided to put his happiness first, I can be too.”

“You sure as hell can,” Derek wrapped him up in one last hug before sending him off to live that best life he was talking about.

The only person who didn’t know yet was his mother. He wasn’t sure how to tell her, he knew she’d be proud of him regardless but that anxiety of disappointing her never went away even now that he was 40.

“Spencer!”

“Hey mom,” he smiled when she picked up. “How are you?”

“I’m fantastic, Marge and I are going on a walk later to see some ducks that were born, I really love it here Spencer,” he could hear it in her voice. She was much more joyful when she was surrounded by friends.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“you sound happy, what’s going on?”

She was his mother, after all, she could know exactly how he’s feeling from just hearing him breathe or being in the same room as him. It was like a superpower, she always knew what was going on.

“I met someone,” he can’t help but smile. “And I quit the FBI to have a family.”

“You’re kidding?” He couldn’t read her tone, not sure if she was surprised or disappointed.

“Her name is Y/N, she has a 7-year-old daughter named Amoreena who is exactly like how I was as a child, you’d really like them,” he explains and he can hear his mother's smile from his end of the phone.

“I would love to meet them, you can bring them to visiting hours next Tuesday?” Diana offered, genuinely happy for him in a way that made his heart burst.

“I’ll see if they’re free and I’ll let you know.”

“I love you, Spencer,” she reminded him. “It’s nice to hear you’re happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

“I love you too, thank you, mom, for everything.”

She hangs up before they can get too emotional, leaving Spencer inside his sad little apartment all by himself. Taking the opportunity to pack his overnight bag for Y/N and pick out some books from his collection to show Amoreena.

There’s an envelope sticking out of one of his books that manages to catch his attention, taking it out to see his name written on it in Gideon’s handwriting. He almost forgot he had this, how important the words were.

Spencer,

I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me. I’m sorry the explanation couldn’t be better, Spencer. I’m sorry it doesn’t make more sense, but I’ve already told you. I just don’t understand any of it anymore.

I guess I’m just looking for it again, for the belief I had in college, the belief I had when I first met Sara and it all seemed so right.

The belief in happy endings. When you find that, never let it go, Spencer.

Don’t let this job do to you what it did to me, get out and get a life when you can. I have faith in you, till I see you again, take care, son.

Gideon

He walked over to the window then, seeing a beautiful red and brown bird perched on his fire escape. He couldn’t help but smile, “I found my Sara, thank you,” he whispers to the bird who turns its head to the side before flying off.

Gideon always did have the best timing and the best advice.

—

“Y/N, your one o’clock is here to see you,” the receptionist at the Library said over the phone, hanging up and returning her attention to Spencer, “she’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Doctor Reid,” he hears her voice as she rounds the corner, appearing behind a stack of books in the most beautiful blue dress he’s ever seen. “Lovely to see you again.”

“You too,” he smiles.

“Right this way,” she can’t help but smile as she escorts him to her office.

“I don’t normally consider people who don’t send in a resume, but I have a feeling you’re going to be good at this,” she teased him as he sat at her desk.

“Allison is going on maternity leave in a few weeks, so you won’t start until she has the baby. If you’re serious about wanting this position, it’s only Monday through Thursday, 9 to 2:30.”

“You’re not going to ask me anything?”

“I don’t know if you know this, but the literary historian and I get to spend a lot of time together, I’d rather hire someone I know I already like,” she smiled again. “And it would be nice to see you every day without a 7-year-old taking all your attention away from me.”

“You just want to live out the fantasy of kissing someone in the encyclopedia section, don’t you?” He teased her right back, making her blush. “I knew it.”

“Sue me!” She laughed, and he finally understood what tinker bell meant when she said farries are born from the purest laughter.

He was in love with her right then and there, he was sure of it.

It had been under a week and yet as he stared at her, hearing her wonderful laughter and seeing her beautiful smile, knowing she wanted to spend time with him, that she genuinely liked him and none of this was one-sided, it made him fall harder than he thought he could.

“Come on then,” he stands abruptly, taking her hand and pulling her out the door.

She tries to giggle quietly as she follows him all the way back to the quietest section of the library. Most of the books on the shelves didn’t even have bar codes because they haven’t been checked out since the 60’s, no one needs them but they can’t seem to part with them.

She backs up against the shelf and pulls him into her space, he drops her hands and holds her face instead, looking at her beautiful eyes as they sparkled in the fluorescent lighting.

“I was expecting this to be hungrier than this when I imagined it all for all these years,” she whispers, biting her lip to force her smile back.

“You’re just so fucking beautiful,” is all he can say, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs lightly a few times before finally placing his lips against hers, ever so gently.

Her hands stretched around his back, pulling him in closer till their bodies are pressed together and then she’s kissing him deeper. Breathing in through her nose like she’s trying to keep him there forever, her fingernails dig into his shirt and he knows she wants more.

He slid his thigh between hers, opening his mouth to give her all the access she wanted and letting her take control of the speed. She wasn’t kidding when she said she expected it to be hungrier. She was kissing him like it was the first time she has had contact with another human being in years, and it just might have been. She said she was single for a while before Amoreena, probably the whole time since as well.

“Spencer,” she took a moment to gasp for air, breathing against his lips as he did the same. “Can we?”

He kisses along her jaw then, moving towards her ear to whisper, “do what? Use your words.”

“Anything, just touch me please, god it’s been 12 years,” she begged as quietly as possible, tugging at his hair as he nibbled on her earlobe.

He kissed down her neck making his way towards her chest. Holding her by the hips now, she arched her back into the shelf as he kissed all the way to where her dress started to cover her breasts but he didn’t stop. Kissing over her clothes as he dropped down to his knees in front of her.

He undid his tie, slipping it off his neck and handing it to her, “in case you need to scream into something.”

She held it in her hand for a second, registering what he just said and moaning softly in response as she held it closer to her lips, he took that as a yes and slipped under her dress.

She was wearing just a pair of regular cut pink underwear, not expecting this in the slightest when she got ready this morning. He kissed her over top of the fabric, spreading her legs so that he could kiss the insides of her thighs as she tried to desperately grind into his face. grazing his teeth against her skin as she shivers, thighs shaking in anticipation.

He kisses right where her clit should be under the fabric, knowing he’s correct when she whimpers around the tie he handed her. It's muffled and adorable as he kisses her again and again, knowing she wants more and teasing her gently.

He pulls her panties to the side, mesmerized by how perfect she is for only a second before returning to the task at hand. Being the first person to pleasure her in years, wanting her to have the best time possible.

With one hand he holds her panties back, using his other to slowly swipe a single finger through her folds to see just how wet she was. Smirking against her thigh as he’s able to slip right in.

“Please,” he hears her whisper, lifting the dress up so she could look at what he’s doing.

“Such a good girl for me,” he pressed the words against her skin.

He spreads her legs even further, resting one of them on his shoulder as he dives in, sucking her clit into his mouth abruptly as he pumps his single finger in and out. She jerks her hips at the sudden contact, stuffing the tie in her mouth and biting down as she whimpers.

He knows what he’s doing, where all the pleasure spots are and what feels the best on most women. Searching around and trying different tongue movements, memorizing the sounds she makes and attempting to hear them again and again, knowing it means she’s enjoying herself.

That’s all he wanted, to please her. Not even realizing how hard he was as he continues to eat her out furiously in the back corner of the DC Public Library. He forgets they’re even in public entirely as he moans against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

She’s quaking then, holding onto the top of his head with one hand as the other grips a shelf. She’s panting into the material of the tie, the hot breath making its way through the fabric and stopping the whorish moans he knew she’d make. It had been too long since someone treated her right.

He added a second finger then, wanting to push her over the edge as he curled them, finding her g spot and caressing it with every thrust of his fingers. She clenched around him then, a high-pitched noise left her mouth as she finished around him.

He couldn’t help but smirk, re-moving his fingers and cleaning them off in his mouth. Releasing them with a pop before dragging his tongue along her one last time. Gathering up everything she released and placing her panties back over her nicely.

He kissed over her underwear one last time before fixing her dress and standing up, “did I manage to fulfill the dream?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, looking like she was coming down from a real high, not just an orgasm. She pulled him in close and held onto him for dear life as she continued to catch her breath, and then her hand started to wander.

“Nope,” Spencer whispered, moving her hand away from his aching cock. “As much as I want to, I’d rather fuck you at home.”

“Home huh?” She teased him, kissing his cheek softly as she pulled back.

"I love you," he whispers against her ear, without a fear in the world that she didn't feel the same way.

"I love you too, Spencer."

They couldn’t stop smiling at each other, it felt surreal to be this happy. He kissed her a few more times, staying hidden in the back corner until the blood in his body let this dick and went back to where it was supposed to be.

She just held him in her arms, leaning back against the shelves as they kissed softly, running her hands through his hair gently, over and over. She whispered a few thank you’s to him, letting him know it was everything she waited for.

It was truly perfect.

—

Amoreena was so happy to see him back at the farm when she got off the bus, she missed him during the few days he wasn’t there.

She asked him to help with her homework, her teacher assigning them an “all about me” project to showcase their growth at the end of the year ceremony. It was almost June, she only had a few weeks left before she was off for the summer and free to show him around the whole kingdom.

Y/N brought out a box of craft supplies and a collection of photos. Showing Spencer every single moment of her and Amoreena’s life.

From her first sonogram to the first bump photo, she had and every maternity shot on the farm you could think of, to the day she was born, her first bath, first steps, chocolate cake shoved on her nose at her first birthday, everything. He felt like he watched her grow up in the blink of an eye, staring at all the photos while Y/N and Amoreena made a plan for her project.

She did look a lot like him, in some instances, she even looked like his mom. There was a look Diana would get when she was intrigued with something, or when she was trying to figure something out. She’d bite her tongue and tilt her head, and it was exactly what Amoreena did.

He never thought he’d see a child-like himself this early, he always expected someone to contact him at 18 and surprise him like Rossi. He really never, ever thought he'd have a child in his life who he was blessed with watching grow up. He never believed someone would have a kid so much like him and allow him to see the world through their eyes. He was amazed by how lucky he got, to be brought into an already happy family that wanted him, they didn’t just need him.

There was no need for a father in Amoreena’s life, she was happily living her life with her grandparents and her mother, explaining to him that she had a bunch of aunts and uncles, plus 15 cousins and they all lived close too. Her life was full of people to love her, and yet she wanted Spencer to love her too.

“Can I put the photo of us at the museum on here too?” She asked Y/N, looking at Spencer to see if he was okay with it too. “I already told my friends that you’re my dad.”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t want to cry in front of her so instead he just stopped all movement inside of his body and held it in. Looking at Y/N who was also a little emotional as Amoreena went back to looking through the photos.

Amoreena didn’t even notice how their expressions changed, she didn’t understand the weight of the words as she said them. She was oblivious to the hole in Spencer’s heart that she was filling with glitter glue, making him feel like he was whole again.

“Yeah,” he finally managed to speak. “I’d love to be on your project.”

“I know you said we don’t need dads but I kinda want one,” Amoreena’s soft expression made his heart melt even more. He was putty in her hands, willing to be whatever she wanted from him as long as he could.

“When did you say that?” Y/N asked softly, confused as to where she was when they had a conversation.

“The other morning at breakfast, um, my father left when I was little. It was just me and my wonderful mother until I was 21, then I found someone to call Dad. His name was Jason Gideon, he was my mentor and he made he feel like I was smart and loved,” he smiled, letting her know he genuinely meant it. “There’s a big difference between being a father and being someone's dad.”

“What’s that?” Amoreena’s innocent mind running wild as she tried to figure out his meaning.

“Anyone can be a father when two adults make a baby,” he said softly, making eye contact with Y/N as she blushed. Knowing where he was going with this. “But dads are special, they’re the people who are supposed to make you feel safe and loved. A person who you can turn to for advice and know he’ll love you no matter what you have to say. Dad’s are supposed to love you forever, regardless of what happens in life. Just like your mom does already.”

Amoreena leaned into his chest, pressing her head against him softly. He wrapped his arms around her gently, giving her the tiniest hug he’s ever given. “I pick you then, you’re the best guy I know and I think that means you’d be a good dad.”

Y/N silently cried, getting up from the table and walking into the kitchen so Amoreena wouldn’t see her sob. Spencer tried to widen his eyes so the tears he was generating would slip back into his tear ducts. Not wanting to cry as she held him.

“I’d love to be your dad,” he whispered, kissing her head softly as she held him tighter. “But first I’ve gotta check on your mom,” he whispered into her hair. Watching her pull away and look for where she was.

“Okay,” Amoreena shrugged, returning to her project as he wandered into the kitchen.

She was leaning against the counter when he walked in, her dress pulled up over her face as she cried into the material. Wiping her face as Spencer walked in and looking at him with the happiest smile.

She was laughing into her tears then, shaking her head as she sobbed, “why am I crying?”

He laughed then too, pulling her into a hug and spinning her around gently as she kept laughing. Her face buried into his neck as she smiled, he set her down gently so he could pull her into a kiss.

Her cheeks were all wet as he held her face, peppering kisses to her lips as they both tried to stop smiling.

“I’m going to miss hearing her call you Spencer,” Y/N whispered.

“Me too,” he giggled again. “But dad does have a good ring to it.”

tag list:

@shemarmooresfedora

@spencers-dria

@spookyspence

@reidsfish

@manuosorioh

[dodgergilmore]

YAS give me more jess/rory analysis PLEASE ❤

I ended up expanding on my season 3 thoughts in another post, so I’ll just ramble on about something different if we’re all good with that!

Let’s discuss how “You could do more.” is, in some ways, the thesis of the whole Rory and Jess dynamic.

When Rory is not amused by his magic trick during one of their very first interactions (what a sentence lmao), it shows that she isn’t going to put up with the facade he puts on in Stars Hollow. She doesn’t shy away from speaking her mind and pushes him to take responsibility for his actions:

“All [Luke] does is stick up for you, and all you do is make his life harder. I guess that's what you have to do when you're trying to be Holden Caulfield, but I think it stinks. (...) Funny, I never pegged you as clueless, my mistake.”

Again, Rory points out the act Jess puts on but this also shows how she isn’t going to just passively allow him to act in such ways because she doesn’t see him as the nuisance/lost cause that much of the town sees him as. Instead, she holds him to a higher standard because she knows he isn’t clueless.

After a well-intentioned suggestion on Rory’s part, we see her at odds with the expectations placed on her by the town as she becomes “the poster girl for censorship” and she can openly discuss this with Jess as someone who would understand where she’s coming from, because he is one person who is not charmed by Stars Hollow’s small town antics. Her future isn’t bound to this place, so when Jess questions what Rory and Dean talk about, saying that ‘he doesn’t seem like her kind of guy’ it adds another layer to that conversation; let’s be real, Jess is not coming from a place of entirely pure intentions but after season 1, Dean is basically the town’s golden boy (despite previously being the new kid in town) and thus is the embodiment of one of the two worlds Rory is caught between throughout the series: Stars Hollow. But right from the Pilot, we know that Rory is set to “do more” than Stars Hollow. That whole sidestory in 2x12 and its relation to Rory could be an analysis of its own, which I don’t think I am equipped to offer at this time...

By 2x13, Rory is pushing against and growing frustrated with Lorelai’s view of Jess. Rory recognises that Jess should not need a tutor, after trying to explain his margin-writing to Lorelai in the previous episode, and it’s clear that Rory believes in Jess in a way that he himself does not at this point. He meets her words of encouragement and “you could do more” with cynicism but Rory remains unconvinced. Schooling should not be a measure of success – and by season 6 it ends up being beside the point anyway – but it is interesting that Jess’ reasoning for not going to college has nothing to do with himself and everything to do with what others have to say about him.

And why aren’t you going to college? (...)

Ask my mother, she could give you a couple reasons. Oh, and I’m sure Principal Mertin can chime in with a few good ones. In fact, ask your mother. She doesn’t know me all that well but I’m sure she could improvise a few things.

Do not give me that whole ‘I’m so misunderstood, Kurt Cobainy’ thing. You are way stronger than that and I don’t even wanna hear it.

That whole conversation in the car really is The Goods. The paths they have planned for themselves could not be more different but still, they offer each other the same unwavering support and encouragement.

I wont go into detail because I think I’ve already addressed this in my previous posts today but “you could do more” comes into play even during their relationship in that Jess, as we know, does not generate the most positive views from the people of Stars Hollow, perhaps believing that Rory could do more, so to speak, than him. If nothing else, the town definitely thinks so.

Jess shows support for Rory’s Harvard-and then-Yale dreams, which is one of many reasons his reappearance in 6x08 works so well. He assumes she graduated early before considering she wasn’t in school; when Rory keeps commenting on how her circumstances are “all temporary” Jess is visibly... I don’t know that I’d say concerned at this point but he is definitely taken aback.

I know it's good. Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it.

I know you did. (...) So, I just basically wanted to show you that. Uh, tell you... tell you that I couldn't have done it without you.

Obviously Jess is confirming her “you could do more” sentiments when he explicitly credits the role she played in helping him find success for himself. In doing so, this reassures Rory that she was right about something after feeling the defeat of Mitchum’s words for however many months by this point, and also reminds her of the ambitions she once had for herself.

Neither of them do or say these sort things for “I want to be with you” reasons but for “I want good things for you” reasons. It doesn’t come from a romantic place – they sincerely want the other to succeed, even if that means being apart. Even after everything that happened, Rory is saying “I hope you're good. I want you to be good.” in that 3x22 phone call, and then this in 6x08:

You know that section toward the front, the staff recommendations? I'm gonna grab a copy of your book and put it in that section, and then I'm going to write my own little recommendation on a card and attach it so people see it and buy it.

Please, that’s just cute :(

Of course it ends up ending in absolute MESS but she goes all the way to Philadelphia to see his open house. Imagine if she hadn’t checked the mail that day lmao

I just got the flier, and I don't know. I just wanted to see your place, but then this...

In AYITL, Jess hears Rory out as she divulges the state her life is in then reassures her that she’s in a rut that she is fully capable of getting out of. “Where is this coming from? What inspired you?” indeed. The implications, y’know??

Now I’m going to circle back to what I said about Dean representing Stars Hollow for a moment here. Logan very overtly represents the world of wealth and like I said, Rory is between these two worlds. Rory is a balance of the world of her grandparents and her mother; what’s interesting about Jess is that he doesn’t belong to either world, really. He can exist in the world of Stars Hollow because of his familial connections and history there and that brings us some little moments that are not at all deep, but I absolutely love anyway:

Can't wait to hear how you bagged the job.

It was the usual thing; I submitted my resume, plus samples of my work, I was thoroughly vetted, there were several lengthy interviews, plus complex negotiations over salary, benefits, parking–

You asked Taylor.

Pretty much.

And then when he asks Rory over the phone to fill him in on the ‘showbiz spat’ in 3x14. Stars Hollow has an important role in Rory’s life, and Jess is able to understand that world in a way that Logan simply can’t – if I recall, he is actually quite endeared by the town when he makes his first official visit there in season 7.

Season 5 makes Dean��s place in Rory’s life very clear, first with “What am I doing here, Rory? I don't belong here. Not anymore.” in 5x08 and then in 5x18, when Dean is used as a direct parallel to Luke:

They want more than this. Don’t you see that? And all you are is this. (...) This town, it’s all you are, and it’s not enough. She’s going to get bored, and you can’t take her anywhere. You’re here forever.

It’s... kind of an odd comparison to make in that Lorelai is quite happy with her Stars Hollow life and hasn’t indicated that she wants “more” than this. For Rory, though, it does reiterate that she wants more than Stars Hollow can offer her. I’ve discussed this before but the world of wealth and Logan, while initially intriguing to Rory, loses its shine during season 6 and she ultimately rejects it in that she doesn’t want to be bound by it. It offers temporary thrills and escapism, but she ends up having to enter the real world.

In Summer, Rory talks about looking at places in Queens so that might be the best, most recent indicator of where Rory wants to be in terms of geography. Just like Rory, Jess isn’t bound to any particular world – bouncing around from place-to-place in the original series, not unlike Rory in the revival – and together... they can do more. And that is that on soulmate-ism!

All in all, they hold each other to high standards not because they idealise one another or put each other on pedestals but because they genuinely believe in each other’s capabilities. They actively push each other to do more and important to note is that they hear each other in these moments; maybe not always immediately but they get there eventually because by the end, it’s clear they have a certain respect and fondness for each other. I like that they don’t passively roll along with whatever the other chooses to do, which may be the very reason some people don’t like them. As much as their dynamic evolves with time, there are just some things that remain a constant...

[brightbeautifulthings]

Week 1 | Week 2-3 | Week 4-5 | Week 6-7 | Week 8-9 | Week 10-11 | Week 12-13 | Week 14-15 | Week 16-17 | Week 18-19

Week 20 (p. 651-808)

"Hal himself hasn't had a bona fide intensity-of-interior-life-type emotion since he was tiny; he finds terms like joie and value to be like so many variables in rarified equations, and he can manipulate them well enough to satisfy everyone but himself that he's in there, inside his own hull, as a human being -- but in fact he's far more robotic than John Wayne" (p. 694).

I'm pretty much over this week-to-week business. Now that the end is in sight (roughly 300 pages), I'm abandoning the schedule and reading as much as I can. Scheduling reading has only ever worked for me as far as it goes. I prefer to immerse myself, however much a novel like IJ seems to discourage that. The book is always structurally interesting, but it starts to get more complicated now as various characters and plots begin to almost slide into one another. There's a cool series of scenes where Matty Pemulis observes Poor Tony, Kate Gompert, and Ruth van Cleve pass by, with Lenz running around the fringes, where pretty soon all the paths intersect at some point, with or without the characters (or the reader) noticing. There's a lot in here about J.O.I.'s films, which seem increasingly unnecessary (but so much of the book is, and is meant to be). The section on the Incandenza family from Joelle's perspective provides some of the clearest insight we have of them, and they are indeed one of the saddest families in literature. We also get Joelle's history from Molly Notkin, both interestingly told from outside perspectives, as if main characters can't be trusted to see their own families clearly.

Week 21 (p. 809-981)

I forgot how totally frustrating it is to near the end of this book and realize the plot isn't going to wrap up in any sort of satisfying way. Wallace commented in an interview (I forget which) that he didn't need to talk about what happens at the end of the book because we know what happens. Buddy, YOU know what happens. The rest of us are here flailing about trying to fit a thousand pieces together, as I suppose we're meant to. We know that the A.F.R. is planning to infiltrate Enfield by the end of the novel, that Poutrincourt is one of their spies ("...which is the slip that indicates that Poutrincourt's figured out that Steeply is neither a civilian soft-profiler nor even a female ... and would require an almost professionally hypervigilant and suspicious person to notice the significance of" p. 1052)., and that John Wayne has some vague connection besides simply being Canadian. We know that, given Orin's capture at the end, they will probably have a Master copy of the Entertainment very soon. What we don't know is how that all goes down, what the fallout is for O.N.A.N., or how Hal gets to be in the state he is in the first chapter (DMZ? AFR? I still can't decide).

"...but it couldn't ordinarily affect anybody or anything solid, and it could never speak right to anybody, a wraith had no out-loud voice of its own, and had to use somebody's like internal brain-voice if it wanted to try to communicate with something, which was why thoughts and insights that were coming from some wraith always just sound like your own thoughts, from inside your own head, if a wraith's trying to interface with you" (p. 831).

This seems like the most compelling motive for J.O.I. to want to dose Hal with DMZ, if in fact he did. Wraiths can only talk to someone who has slowed way down and is no longer experiencing time the way humans normally do--which sounds exactly like what happens when someone ingests DMZ. By the end of the novel (the beginning chapter), we know that Hal can no longer communicate with the outside world, but that there's nothing wrong with his brain voice ("I am in here" p. 3). Will Hal and Jim finally get to have a conversation?

It's clearer than ever that something has happened to Hal though. I don't know if there's any support for the DMZ toothbrush theory--I was actively looking for it and didn't find any, other than the DMZ obviously being missing when Pemulis goes to get it and Hal and other E.T.A. kids vigilantly guarding their toothbrushes. If it's true, it's a leap, but making a leap may be the only way to make sense of that particular conundrum. Whatever has happened is getting worse, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

"He dreams he's with a very sad kid and they're in a graveyard digging some dead guy's head up and it's really important, like Continental-Emergency important ... and the sad kid is trying to scream at Gately that the important thing was buried in the guy's head and to divert the Continental Emergency to start digging the guy's head up before it's too late, but the kid moves his mouth and nothing comes out ... while the sad kid holds something terrible up by the hair and makes the face of somebody shouting in panic: Too Late" (p. 934).

It seems like Gately eventually recovers, since we know he goes with Hal to help dig up J.O.I.'s head (verified in chapter one when Hal recalls it). It's possible the Wraith told him about the Entertainment, and this seems especially plausible when Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's still lying in the hospital. It's also possible that Joelle told him about it; through her conversation with Steeply (p. 940), we know that she knew the Masters were buried with Himself--which, ironically, is now buried in the Great Concavity. I'm still not clear about how John Wayne got involved, but there's this super oblique comment in an endnote about Bernard Wayne, a potential A.F.R. member who had not jumped when the train arrived and later drowned (p. 1060), which could potentially be John's father or grandfather.

I had forgotten that the 'Swiss' hand model was actually Luria P----. There are two obvious nods to other novels near the end here, with Fackelmann's A Clockwork Orange style end, and Orin's business with the cockroaches echoing the rats in 1984, specifically his nonsensical shouting "'Do it to her!'" (p. 972). Her who? Luria? Avril? All Subjects in general? I'm a little curious as to why Wallace bothered to make the references. He was doing well on the graphic horror all on his own, no need for outside references.

I'm amused by how many of my questions in my Q and A section are still unanswered. I thought if I paid closer attention on a second read that I would pick up more of the plot things I'd missed on my first, but I don't think that was the problem. I think it's that those answers simply aren't to be found in the actual text. Of course, they can point us toward various conclusions, and the novel certainly encourages us to speculate and make connections, but I don't think the actual answers are there. I have some more thoughts on this, and I'll likely have a review up this week or next.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. TURN BACK BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.

Questions & Working Theories

[tw: drug mention, infidelity, incest, statutory rape]

Q: What happened to Hal? (Obvi) - Hal purposely ate the DMZ. He even says in this section, “I cannot make myself understood, now. Call it something I ate” (p. 10). I never bought this explanation, though, because later in the book it seems like Hal is making an effort to come off drugs. - The mold Hal ate as a child had long-term effects, and something (coming off drugs?) may have triggered his current condition. Also supported by, “Call it something I ate” (p. 10). - Aaron Swartz has a very convincing theory that Hal accidentally ate the DMZ when The Wraith placed it on his toothbrush. (Again, supported by above.) Hal is an excellent communicator but lacks feelings, and J.O.I. was attempting to create something that would draw his son out of himself. - Hal was injured when the A.F.R. attacked Enfield Tennis Academy. There’s a weird line in this chapter: “I once saw the word KNIFE finger-written on the steamed mirror of a nonpublic bathroom” (p. 16). This is likely also the work of The Wraith, indicating some kind of violence, perhaps the A.F.R. attack on Enfield. - "A surreal memory of a steamed lavatory mirror with a knife sticking out of the pane" (p. 951). A: Still unclear, but I'm leaning more toward DMZ than A.F.R. on this read. We can see Hal's symptoms growing worse from the Eschaton game onward, and in the last chapters, people think he's either laughing or grimacing when he's not feeling either of those things. Still super interested in the mirror/knife asides though. Is this part of the A.F.R. attack?

Q: Why was Hal hospitalized “almost exactly one year back” (p. 16)? - The side effects of the DMZ were first starting to appear. - Hal was injured in the A.F.R. attack. - It’s clear, also, that this was when Hal met Gately. Although they never have an on-page scene together, Hal refers to the two of them attempting to dig up J.O.I.’s head to find the Entertainment, alongside a masked John Wayne. A: Unclear. See above.

Q: How did Gately, Hal, and John find out about the Entertainment in order to dig it up? How did they discover where it was hidden? - Himself actually mentions that the cartridge has been implanted in his head when he’s talking to Hal as a posed conversationalist. However, this is all the way back in the Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad, when Hal is only ten-going-on-eleven. Hard to imagine that Hal remembered what was basically a throw-away comment, let alone understood its meaning. - The Wraith may have told Gately about it while he was lying in the hospital, the same way Gately somehow knows the plot of the Entertainment while he's there. - Joelle may have told them about it, since from her conversation with Steeply, we know that she knows that all the Masters were buried with Jim, which is now buried in the Great Concavity. A: Unclear, but several plausible scenarios.

Q: Who is mailing out the Entertainment? - Swartz suggests that it’s Orin Incandenza, who later under threat of torture releases it to the A.F.R. This seems well-supported by the text, since the initial cartridge is mailed from Arizona, and it’s conveniently sent to a medical attaché with whom Avril probably had an affair (per J.O.I.’s conversation with Hal). - Some support for this theory during one of Hal and Orin's phone conversations: "'What are you doing going to the post office? You hate snail-mail. And you quit mailing the Moms the pseudo-form-replies two years ago, Mario says'" (p. 244). Why is Orin at the post office, if not to mail more copies of the Entertainment? - However, as Marie pointed out, we don't know for sure that Orin was in Arizona in April YDAU. He's there in October, but there's a flashback of him in New Orleans in July that doesn't mention the year. If it was YDAU, Orin couldn't have postmarked the Cartridge from Arizona in April. - Orin also asks Hal directly about the days leading up to Himself's death, and he seems suspiciously interested in whatever film he was working on. "'Did he have film-related things with him when he flew somewhere? A film case? Equipment?'" (p. 250). However, if he already knew about the Entertainment back in April, why ask Hal about it in November? - This conversation is continued in a lengthy endnote where Orin asks about the definition of samizdat ("the generic meaning now is any sort of politically underground or beyond-the-pale press or the stuff published thereby" (p. 1011) and comments, "'So you'd have no idea why The Mad Stork's name would come up in connection with somebody saying samizdat?'" (p. 1011). Again, it's suspicious that he's even asking, but also, if he already knows about the Entertainment, why bother to ask? Is he trying to find out, or just trying to find out what Hal knows about it? Why? - "...place the likely dissemination-point someplace along the U.S. north border, with routing hubs in metro Boston/New Bedford and/or somewhere in the desert Southwest" (p. 549). Obviously, the Southwest could be Orin, but who's distributing it in Boston? Orin before he moved? I'd guess the Antitoi brothers, but their copy turned out to be blank (or seemed to be, if it was played on the wrong model). Orin has motive to want the medical attache dead for the affair with his mother, but why the film scholar, the avant-garde film festival, and the members of the Academy of D.A.S.? Were these Himself's rivals, or people Avril also had affairs with? - "Swiss cuckolds, furtive near-Eastern medical attachés, zaftig print-journalists: he felt ready for anything" (p. 597). - "There was reason to think M. DuPlessis had received his original copies from this relative, an athlete. Marathe felt U.S.B.S.S. felt this person may have borne responsibility for the razzles and dazzles of Berkeley and Boston, U.S.A." (p. 723). Did Orin give a copy to DuPlessis, or did he send it to him to kill him? A: It seems pretty clear on a re-read that it is Orin sending out the Entertainment, either from Boston before he left it or from Arizona where he currently lives, or both. I'm still not clear how he knew about it in the first place though, in order to dig it up. Between Orin's capture/torture at the end and the Antitoi brothers' having copies of DuPlessis's stolen cartridges, it seems certain that the A.F.R. will soon locate a Master copy. (The Antitoi's turns out to be Read-Only p. 725.)

Q: How did Orin find out about the Entertainment? - Joelle might have told him, though this was after her disfigurement and their breakup, so I'm not sure why she would. A: Unclear.

Q: When did Orin transfer from New Orleans to Arizona? - In June YW-QMD, Orin was still with the New Orleans Saints, per the mail between him and Avril (p. 1006-7). - In October YDAU, he's in Arizona. Q: Unclear.

Q: What happened to John Wayne that he can’t win this year’s WhataBurger competition? A: SUPER UNCLEAR. Thanks for nothing. We know he survived the A.F.R. attack (if Steeply didn’t stop the attack) because he’s in the off-page graveyard scene with Hal and Gately. Was he an A.F.R. target after that for going against them?

Q: What “sordid liaison” (p. 30) with the M. DuPlessis, who dies in a later chapter, did the Incandenza family have? - Still not clear, but it sounds like J.O.I. either purposely or under duress gave a Master copy (or copyable copy) of the Entertainment to DuPlessis, or had it stolen from him before or after his death, and it was then stolen by accident when Gately robbed and killed DuPlessis. ("Whether or not the A.F.R. ever even recover this alleged Master copy from the DuPlessis burglary..." (p. 489).) A: Best guess is that Avril had an affair with DuPlessis, Orin/Jim discovered the affair (possibly with a name written on the fogged up glass of Avril's car), and Orin sent him a copy to kill him, which he didn't watch (because he died? Not clear on the timeline). The copy was then stolen by Gately and ended up with the Antitoi brothers.

Q: Is Marathe a double-agent, or is he just pretending to be a double agent? - Marathe has betrayed the A.F.R. and is aiding Steeply and the Americans in finding the Entertainment in order to get medical care for his wife. - Marathe is only pretending to betray the A.F.R. in order to get more information from Steeply. A: Marathe is a double-agent, and is actually betraying the A.F.R. "The A.F.R. believed Marathe functioned as a triple agent, pretending to betray his nation for his wife, memorizing every detail of the meetings with B.S.S. ... M. Fortier did not know Marathe had reached the internal choice that he loved his skull-deprived and heart-defective wife Gertraud Marathe more than he loved the Separatist and anti-O.N.A.N. cause of the nation of Québec..." (p. 529).

Q: Where did the tripod set up in the middle of nowhere on the ETA grounds come from? - The U.S.S. Millicent Kent set up the tripod as an excuse to get Mario alone. - This is the possibly the first instance of the Wraith's work. He's responsible for most of the odd occurrences at ETA, and "Mario said his late dad had used a somewhat less snazzy IV-model Husky back in his early days of making art-films..." (p. 122).) A: The Wraith put it there. "But it's true. The Husky VI tripod of Mario's near-fatal encounter with the U.S.S. Millicent Kent was only the beginning" (p. 632). After this, the instances of objects being in odd places around E.T.A. increases dramatically.

Q: Who is the narrator in some of these sections about ETA? - It's a distinct voice from the sections that have conversations, but it also sounds a little like someone talking to us. ("I want to be like that. Able to just sit all quiet and pull life toward me..." (p. 128). Is this a character? A: Unclear. The only clear first person POV character we have in the novel is Hal. In some ways, the narrator's voice does sound a lot like Hal's, but if this is the case, he also discusses himself in third person a lot (which... Hal is pretty removed from himself, so that's not entirely impossible). I'm not confident enough to say that Hal is the mystery narrator throughout the book though.

Q: Are the effects of DMZ the effects we see in Hal in the first chapter? A: Very likely. Whatever starts in the Eschaton game grows worse toward the end of the novel, as people continually interpret Hal's facial expressions as either very sad or very amused, when we know he's neither. Most tellingly, the narrative switches to first person point of view, Hal telling his own story for the first time (chronologically, if not structurally).

Q: Why do Hal's symptoms in the Eschaton game seem more like DMZ side effects than marijuana side effects? Was there DMZ mixed with it? Was it purposely mixed in, or was it the work of the Wraith? - This is the first time we see Hal with similar symptoms as the ones he has in the first chapter, which seems to suggest that--whether or not the DMZ and marijuana are related, whether it was intentional or not--Hal did take the DMZ on Interdependence Day YDAU. - Pemulis goes looking for the DMZ later on, which seems to suggest it wasn't intentional, at least not on his end. Hal also doesn't consciously acknowledge that he's going to take it in this chapter either. - Mario reflecting on his brother: "He can't tell if Hal is sad. He is having a harder and harder time reading Hal's state of mind or whether he's in good spirits. This worries him. He used to be able to sort of preverbally know in his stomach generally where Hal was and what he was doing, even if Hal was far away and playing or if Mario was away, and now he can't anymore" (p. 590). Why the change? DMZ-related? - "But the crisis of faith that cost Stice the match had concerned a different Hal, Hal can tell. It's now a whole new Hal, a Hal who does not get high, or hide, a Hal who in 29 days is going to hand his own personal urine over to authority figures with a wide smile and exemplary posture and not a secretive thought in his head" (p. 635). If Hal took the DMZ on purpose, does he know it will be out of his system in a month? What else could have created a "whole new Hal"? It seems like a leap to think that quitting marijuana is the sole cause of all the changes. A: Very likely that Hal took DMZ, maybe more than once, starting at the Eschaton game.

Q: Who is Mario's father, Jim or Charles? - This is more of a detail question than anything because I'm not sure I care about the answer. It certainly doesn't seem to matter to Mario. He obviously bonded a lot with Jim over film in a way that seems almost worshipful at times, and I'm always in the camp of family is who you choose, not necessarily who you're related to. Also, Charles seems repelled by Mario, whereas Jim apparently loved him and spent time with him, so fuck Charles. A: Unclear.

Q: Is Charles Avril's half-brother or step-brother? - Again, this is a detail question, although one is significantly grosser than the other if they're having an affair, which it sounds like they are/were. ("...the thing it's not entirely impossible he may have fathered asleep up next to the sound system..." (p. 451).) That’s... not really a question if they weren’t sleeping together. Fuck you twice, Charles. - "Charles Tavis is probably not related to the Moms by actual blood" (p. 900). A: According to Hal, he's most likely her step-brother, though it doesn't seem like anyone ever cared enough to verify this.

Q: Was Pemulis selling DMZ to the Antitoi brothers, or buying it from them? - "Bertraund had been starry-eyed enough to agree to barter the person an antique blue lava-lamp and a lavender-tinged apothecary's mirror for eighteen unexceptional-looking and old lozenges the long-haired old person had claimed in a jumble of West-Swiss-accented French were 650 mg. of a trop-formidable harmful pharmaceutical no longer available and guaranteed to make one's most hair-raising psychedelic experience look like a day on the massage-tables of a Basel hot-springs resort..." (p. 482) A: Unclear, but I'm guessing buying, since Pemulis ends up with it and, as far as we know, the Antitoi brothers don't.

Q: What's the significance of Lucien Antitoi's spirit immediately after his death? Does this have an impact on the Wraith's activities? - "...and is free, catapulted home over fans and the Convexity's glass palisades at desperate speeds, soaring north, sounding a bell-clear and nearly maternal alarmed call-to-arms in all the world's well-known tongues" (p. 489). A: It seems like the Wraith's activities amplify after Lucien's death. If he knows that Hal is in danger from the A.F.R., he might be trying to rally Gately to help.

Q: If Pemulis has Avril's affair with John Wayne to hold over her, why is he still expelled at the end of the novel? A: WOOPS. Peemster accidentally dosed John with 'drines, as well as his very public tennis opponent. Can't help feeling Pemulis unfairly got the worst of it, while Avril got in zero trouble for having an affair with a teenage student. Also, hilariously, Hal already knew about the affair and didn't care about it.

Q: What's up with John Wayne and Hal? - "...John ('N.R.') Wayne opened up the ajar door a little more and put his whole head in and stayed like that, with just his head in. He didn't say anything and Hal didn't say anything, and they stayed like that for a while, and then Wayne's head smoothly withdrew" (p. 560). - "I could somehow tell for sure that John Wayne's head was inside the open door. I could feel it clearly, almost painfully. He was looking down at me lying there on the Lindisfarne carpet. There was none of the gathering tension of a person deciding whether or not to speak. I could feel my throat's equipment move when I swallowed. John Wayne and I never had much to say to one another. There wasn't even hostility between us" (p. 956). A: No idea. There’s the possibility that John is a spy for the A.F.R. the same as Poutrincourt, but I’d thought they had to infiltrate the tennis academy because they didn’t have another spy already in place. Thanks to the weird endnote, we know he has some connection, but I’m not totally sure what it is.

Q: Do Pemulis's descriptions of the effects of annulation have anything to do with how DMZ affects people, or the effect the mold Hal ate as a child had on him? It seems oddly similar to how Hal is experiencing time in the first chapter. Is this how J.O.I. stumbled onto it? - "'Accelerated phenomena, which is actually equivalent to an incredible slowing down of time", "relativity of time in extreme organic environments" (p. 573). A: Could be one of a million metaphors in this book.

[modestmuses-a]

stolen from: @ducktales-wco-oo​​

tagging: whoever else has some extra time they’d like to kill

layer one : the outside

Name: Mordecai Heller Eye color: Green Hair fur style/color: Black with white on the tips of his fingers/paws, under his eyes, around his mouth, his eyebrows, and the tip of his tail.  His fur is short, and he always keeps it neatly brushed. Height: 5′9-5′10 according to a witness account in a police report about him Clothing style: Formal and business-like.  Won’t be caught dead without a perfectly tailored suit. Best physical feature: Probably his eyes, although the combination of them and his scary murder brows tends to put people off...

layer two : the inside

Fears: Germs, rats, his old enemies (of which there are many) catching up to him Guilty pleasure: Cooking (for one) Biggest pet peeve: Asymmetry, untidiness, poor grammar Ambitions for the future: To clean up Marigold’s mess and help them establish themselves as the biggest bootlegging empire in the region.  Forcing Lackadaisy out of the business would be a nice bonus, though, he will admit.

layer three : thoughts

First thought upon waking up: “First order of business on today’s agenda is to triple-check today’s agenda.” What you think about most: Work.  It’s only ever work. What you think about before bed: “I did lock the windows, didn’t I?” I wonder if: “...Nico and Serafine might have their own agenda towards which they are working.  They don’t seem to take their Marigold duties seriously enough.” What your best quality is: Detail-oriented, efficient, neat

layer four : what’s better?

Single or group dates: Single, although he prefers the term “business meeting” to “date.” To be loved or respected: Respected Beauty or brains: Brains Dogs or cats: It would be kind of fucked if Mordecai owned a pet of any sort, considering he himself is a cat, but...  Either way, he tends to hate all pets.  Cats, I guess, since he has to at least tolerate those for the sake of business.

layer five : do you...

Lie: You don’t get very far in his line of work if you don’t lie. Believe in yourself: Yes, of course.  He’s the best in the business, although he’s not one to boast. Believe in love: Love is a neurochemical con job, and he wants no part in it. Want someone: To die?  Yes.  He wants a good number of people to die.

layer six : ever been...

Been on stage: Of course not!  Grand public appearances would be absolutely detrimental.  He won’t go anywhere he could easily be seen by the police. Done drugs: Never.  Even in the modern verse where Marigold is a drug cartel, he doesn’t really approve of drug use.  He’s just here to kill for money. Changed who you were to fit in: Not really, although it might’ve done him some good.  If he could make it so that his personality wasn’t so... god-awful, maybe he wouldn’t have such a long list of enemies.

layer seven : favorites

Favorite color: Black, white, beige - the no-nonsense colors. Favorite animal: He dislikes animals.  Messy, noisy, putrid little creatures. Favorite movie: He doesn’t watch many movies.  Probably something like a documentary.  But even then, he would rather just read a textbook or encyclopedia. Favorite game: The one where he asks you questions, and if you don’t give him an answer he likes, you get hurt.

layer eight : age

Day your next birthday will be: March 28th How old will you be: 29 Age you lost your virginity: He hasn’t yet, and he doesn’t plan to anytime soon.  He’s also going to shoot you if you stick your nose in his private, personal business like this again. Does age matter: I suppose it depends on circumstance.  He joined the criminal underworld at the age of thirteen, although that isn’t what he would recommend for most--  Oh, that’s not what we’re talking about, is it?

layer nine : in a person

Best personality: Someone serious, who knows how and when to focus on the task at hand, like him.  Also, someone who is punctual. Best eye color: Green or yellow, perhaps.  They are common eye colors for cats and will not be distinctive or terribly noticeable. Best hair (fur) color: Brown or gray, maybe, for the reasons above. Best thing to do with a partner: Their job, of course, what else?

(It becomes increasingly obvious to the reader that Mordecai has elected to fill out this section as if it was about a business partner, not a romantic one.)

layer ten : finish the sentence

“I love: Symmetry.  No one else in my line of work seems to understand its importance.” “I feel: perturbed... by many things, including but not limited to: certain people’s flagrant misuse of the English language, my partners’ inability to take our job seriously, and the fact that there still exist those who put mayonnaise of all things on their sandwiches.” “I hide: most things, to be quite frank.  My weapons, my intentions...  In some cases, even my identity.  My accent.” “I miss: my sisters.  Annoyances that they were in my youth, that old cliche - ‘you don’t know what you have until it’s gone’ - rings true.  I still correspond with them on occasion, of course, but to bring them here for a visit would prove... problematic.” “I wish: this superfluous ‘interview’ would come to an end so that I can get back to my real work.  Haven’t you wasted quite enough of my time as it is?”

[bffhreprise]

Entry 294

 I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves as I drove up the incredibly long driveway of Somerset Estate.  The gate had opened for me, which had been amazing by itself.  No.  I was supposed to be here.  Today, I would have an interview for Best Friend For Hire.  No sweat.  I was going to meet someone to give me my interview, I’d dazzle them, and thank them for hiring me.  My heart was pounding even harder.  How was I going to do this!?

 “I’m sorry, Kayla, but you got the…” I started mumbling to myself before stopping.  “You got the right brother for the job.  I’m not going to let you down.” I finished, promising myself as much as my kid sister.

 This was just another interview.  Nothing crazy about showing up to sweet talk someone into giving you a good job.  At least, that was what I was trying to believe as the mansion grew larger and larger at my approach.  The center and one of the wings was three stories tall.  The other was two stories and still imposing in its length.  Then there was the yard…

 Immaculately shaped bushes saluted me with green swords held high on each side of the driveway.  More fantastical shapes spotted the enormous front yard.  The place was the size of a large park, even having a forested section in the distance.  At least, I was assuming the forest was part of this place.  I had seen the same fence over there from the road.  Once I was close enough to realize that the driveway’s fountain is larger than my car, I could see the intricate carvings all around it as if there was an entire story just in that piece.

 I cursed and swerve, having nearly hit a girl.  Where did she come from?  Slamming on my breaks, I quickly slammed the car in park, unfastened my seatbelt, and got out, almost walking into a very short maid with extremely long, reddish hair.

 “I’m so sorry!  Are you okay!?” I asked, trying to see if she looked injured.

 The pristine maid smiled and said, “Welcome to our humble abode, Jemal Castello.  Please, follow me.”

 “B-But… my car…?” I started as she walked away.

 “No one will disturb it, and we don’t care where you’re parked.  You are the only interview today.” she assured me without even glancing back.

 I jogged a few steps to catch up, feeling like a giant next to the short girl.  At six-foot-one, I was a reasonably large man, but I didn’t typically tower over someone by so much.  “S-Sorry.  What’s your name?”

 “You may call me ‘Mila’.  Though I bear a striking resemblance to the master’s fiancée, please try not to confuse us for one another.  The maid uniform should be a hint to who is who.” she replied as the two sets of double doors opened one after the other of their own accord to let us into the house.

 “I’ll do my best.” I promised.  My eyes were drawn to the twin stairs leading up to a balcony where I half-expected James to be standing.  He wasn’t.  The place reminded me of castles in movies with the lavish adornments everywhere.

 As we walked, Mila expounded on the estate’s history as well as the history of various pieces of art that caught my attention.  Her casual manner was relaxing.  We didn’t seem rushed for time, and I had shown up a bit earlier than I meant.

 Surprisingly, she took me all the way up the large flight of stairs at the end of the hall.  Was I going to meet someone important to the company?  The lavishness certainly didn’t cease.  Where the art downstairs had looked expensive, the stuff up here struck me as priceless.  At very least, the displays were embedded into the walls with protective glass guarding each painting.  A large vase was cordoned off as if we were in a museum.

 Mila motioned to a large, wooden door, and it opened for me to enter.  Inside James Michael Somerset III strode toward me, and I found myself staring up when he reached me.

 “W-Wow.” I muttered as I accepted his handshake, embarrassed a second later as what I said registered.

 “Yes?” questioned James, smiling and releasing my hand.

 “Nothing.  Sorry.” I told him.

 “Take a deep breath, have a seat, and relax.” he told me, motioning to one of the chairs in front of the desk as he walked around it.

 I did as he said, shocked by the feel of the seat the moment I touched it.  “Whoa.”  Despite looking like leather, this wasn’t.  Something soft as a baby’s bottom coated the chair, but I didn’t completely sink into it either.  There was just enough firmness that I didn’t have to fight to remain upright.

 “The seats feel a little different than they look.” acknowledge James with a knowing smile.

 “No kidding, but they’re really soft.  What is this?” I questioned.

 Now seated and still smiling, he said, “It’s complicated.  Why do you feel you’d be an excellent addition to Best Friend For Hire?”

 The question jarred me out of this quasi-fantasy and back to the game ahead.  I needed this job for Kayla’s sake.  “Oh.  Right.  Sorry.  Well… ummm..” I started, but my mind was blank.  “I-I’m a hard worker, fast learner, and I won’t let you down.” I blurted, the words rushing out after my brain finally started moving again.

 “What if I ask the impossible of you?” he questioned, looking serious.

 “P-Pardon?” I asked, not sure what to think of the question.

 “What if I ask you to do something beyond your limits?” he inquired, smiling slightly.

 “I dunno.  I mean… well, I-I’ll try anything you say.” I assured him, realizing I didn’t honestly know the limits to what all this job entailed.  “That’s what we do here, right?  Try to please people no matter their request?”

 James’ smile grew, but he said, “No, actually.  We try to act as a best friend for our clients, always pursuing their best interests but never being afraid to tell them if they’re in the wrong.  Part of your schedule as an employee here will be training in numerous things, such as martial arts.  I would want you to be the type of best friend who can protect yourself as well as those around you, but I never want you to feel you have to be a hero, just the best possible friend you can be.  The skills of those here vary greatly.  Aaliyah, my secretary, is the president of Global Princess Entertainment, which made Ancient Tribes of Earth, currently the most successful video game on the market.  Emma is the best gardener you’ll ever meet.  Our chef, Marco, has yet to make a meal that is less than exceptional.  Jarod is a self-made millionaire due to his engineering prowess.  Mila is a self-aware Artificial Intelligence capable of tending to everyone’s needs with exceptional skill and care, often foreseeing a need before it even arises.  What can you bring to the team?”

 My heart was sinking as he spoke.  I knew I couldn’t compete with any of that, not yet at least.  I could tell that he was a great guy, and he obviously had amazing people… Did he say Mila was an A.I.?  Was that a joke?  What if she was?  I needed to respond…  “Umm… uh… P-perseverance.  I don’t have any skills as incredible as those sound, but I will stick to the task at hand until I see the job done right.  You’ll never find anyone with more determination than me.”

 “You might be surprised.” he stated, still smiling.  “Can you juggle?”

 I stared at him uncomprehendingly.  “What?  No.  Sorry.  Is that something I’ll be doing?  I’m sure I can learn.”

 He shrugged and said, “Sorry.  I really need to work on my skills as an interviewer, having never needed to be interviewed for a job myself.  I wasn’t inclined to get a more typical job, so I made this company.”

 “I know, sir.  Er… umm… I read about you founding the company on the site when I applied, not about your interview skills.  T-those seem fine.” I assured him, not willing to argue.  He certainly knew how to make a person nervous… but there was something relaxing about him too.  He seemed so self-assured, even while admitting to being a lousy interviewer.

 “You failed to place an emergency contact on your application, and your résumé could use some work on the formatting.  We can help you on both accounts.  I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine.” he stated, holding out his hand across the desk.

 I stared in shock at his hand, not remembering what to do as I struggled to comprehend his words.  “Y-You’re hiring me?”

 He nodded, and I grasped his hands with both of mine as if he were pulling me from the lake.

 “Thank you, sir.  Thank you!  I won’t let you down!” I assured him.  My heart was racing, and I was sweating.  I quickly let go of his hands, hardly believing what just happened.

 As he walked around the desk, he said, “Please, just call me ‘James’.  Everyone does.  Well, not everyone, but there’s no need to call me ‘sir’ all the time.”

 “But Master, Mother loves calling you ‘sir’.” asserted Mila.

 I spun around, looking for her.  Where was she?

 “As I told you, Mila’s a sophisticated A.I.  She’s integrated throughout the house, many of the vehicles, and phones as well as the body who greeted you at the door.” he explained nonchalantly.

 “Welcome to Best Friend For Hire, Jemal.” she stated, her voice coming from hidden speakers in the room.

 “T-That’ll take some getting used to.” I admitted, still trying to make myself believe the words.  I couldn’t see any reason James would be lying, but… wow.  She had seemed so lifelike.  “When do I start?”

  “After you move in, assuming you will want to live here.  I suppose you could start immediately if you don’t.  There’s a wing dedicated to employee housing, and Marco provides exceptional meals.” explained James, looking as if he had no doubt what I’d choose.

 “Oh… umm...  How do you feel about kids?  Ya see, I’ve got a kid sister whom I need to look after.” I replied, hoping against hope that we could live here together.  I was already behind on rent, and our meals had been… frugal… since her mom left.

 Nodding, James said, “Kayla can live here too.  The second floor of the employee wing has some accommodations for families.  They’re not large, but the entire first floor of the main building is open for everyone’s use.  There’s also the employee rec center where you can get some exercise if you feel like a swim, lifting weights, or anything of that nature.  If you have any questions, Mila’s always available to help out.”

 “What… umm...  How did you know my sister’s name?” I asked, certain that I hadn’t told him.

 “Aaliyah does a thorough background check on everyone who applies.  Though use of magic on these grounds is encouraged, I do ask that you don’t ever use magic in front our clients, save as a last resort to protect someone.” stated James as if he were just making conversation.  “Come along.  I’ll give you a tour.”

 “Magic!?  What?” I asked, staring at his back.

 Glancing back, he said, “Yes, you’re able to create telekinetic effects whenever you’re emotional or really focused.  That’s a result of inborn magical ability.  Such things are perfectly normal here.”

 Nothing he said was normal, but he knew.  I quickly walked after to catch up to him, staring hard at Mila, who was waiting for us in the hall.  She looked human.  Beautiful, maybe a bit exotic, but she was obviously human.  Having caught James, I still wasn’t letting go of his comment on magic.  “You’re joking.” I asserted, staring as a light appeared over his hand… just floating there.  Magic light.

 “Though not a requirement, most people here have ‘gifts’ of this nature.  My fiancée can create enormous amounts of heat, enough to vaporize a city from what I’ve heard.  Emma’s skill with gardening is aided by her ability to manipulate plants in a very large area, causing them to grow and flourish or even revert to seeds at her whim.  You’ll see.” he claimed.  “Along with lessons in martial arts, I give lessons in magic every morning.  Your sister’s welcome to join us.  I understand she has similar abilities to your own, though slightly stronger.”

 “What kind of background service did you use!?” I exclaimed, realizing I was practically yelling at my boss just after the words left my mouth.  “Sorry, sir… er… James.  T-That’s just not the type of stuff on public record.”

 He came to a stop again and looked into my eyes with a soul-piercing gaze.  “Trust me on this: Aaliyah’s explanations are so incredibly thorough that everyone will question your sanity if you attempt to even read your employment contract in full.  I can only imagine the weeks you’d spend listening if she were to explain her background check process.”

 “Oh, Master, you’ll spoil all of Mother’s fun!” exclaimed Mila from behind me.  She was smiling, but looked just like I’d expect a proper maid to be…. so human.

 Looking back to James, I nodded, following him as he walked down the stairs.

 After the first flight, he asked “Is Cosette in?”

 “She’s currently on a job, Master.” replied Mila.

 He nodded and continued on ward.  He casually waved to rooms as we passed, stating their purpose all the way down the hall where we stepped into a very large kitchen.  “Jemal, this is Marco.  Marco, Jemal.”

 “Piacere di conoscerti.” stated Marco as he shook my hand.

 I replied in Italian, telling him I was pleased to meet him as well.  After he asked, I explained that I learned Italian from my father, who had lived in Italy as a boy.  Marco insisted that we have a good talk sometime, but encouraged me to go onward, after having James and I taste his stracciatella semifreddo that was to be for tonight’s dessert.  I had no words for how incredible it tasted.

 The tour continued and I met more of my coworkers up until Mila said I needed to pick Kayla up from school.  They knew everything here.  Before I left, James insisted that I let him and company help me with the move as soon as I was ready.  I was so thankful that I nearly cried.  Life really was getting better.

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | Interview with VALERIE SAVARIE

Denver artist Valerie Savarie creates intricately carved book sculptures that she painstakingly maps out and cuts, forming her own unique narrative creation. Each of her unique sculptures can take her from 40 hours to over 100 hours to complete. Not only one thing, Valerie also runs a collective gallery, Valkarie Gallery in Colorado, where various artists in the community show and share work. We find out more about Valerie’s book sculpture process, what her favorite tome creation is, and the things that inspire her. 

Take the leap below! 

Photographs courtesy of the artist. 

Introduce yourself Howdy! My name is Valerie Savarie and I create carved book sculptures. I live in the Mile High city of Denver, Co, sharing a house with two cats Meelo and Varuka and my ever loving and supportive husband Matt. As cats are insatiable creatures when it comes to food and attention (which can turn into a zero creativity day), I eventually relocated my studio to Lakewood where it is connected to the collective gallery I run (Valkarie). I believe in lots of vitamin C to keep me healthy and creating (coffee, carrots and chips). Random fact: most of my tattoos are beyond the legal drinking age.

What was your introduction to art like? I was fortunate that my parents got myself and my sisters into art as kids. During the summers instead of wasting our time in front of the TV, we were enrolled in art programs. The city where I grew up - Madison, WI – also had this (and still does to this day) awesome thing called the Art Cart that would find its way to various parks over the summer and have free art projects – my favorite was the plaster casting of our faces at the beach. My dad also took us to many galleries and lectures. I can remember being in third or fourth grade and attending a Georgia O’Keeffe exhibition.

How did that eventually lead you to creating your own works and specifically your book sculptures? Honestly, I have an older (not too much older) sister that was always the artist so I shied away from art for years. Sure, I was a professional doodler, yet I wanted to be my own person and struggled with the sibling rivalry a la Jan and Marcia for years. I turned to creative writing in high school and the first go around of college. Finally, I moved away, and moved away again, tried college a second time majoring in interior design and minoring in scenic design (secretly I wanted to be an architect) and ended up having a professor that had an MFA – Robert Work – who I am still friends with (god, it has been over 15 years since graduation). He reignited that artistic spark in me. I even applied to grad school for art and got rejected from every school I applied to yet I still made art.

A few years down the road I met my husband and he really pushed me to get my art out in public, which was frightening. I ended up joining a co-op where I experimented with various mediums and styles. I created some cube sculptures (bartered autocad drawings for them) and I was in love. 3D art took over my heart, unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to buy the cubes out right and my cabinet maker friend didn’t need any more drawings. So I sought out something that I could afford for material, something that was also easy to come by and easy to manipulate. A thrift store junky, I decided to test my hand on carving up books. That was just over 7 years ago.

What is the process for book creations? From start to finish, how long does the entire piece take? My pieces are formed by three different processes of creation: what it is, what I want it to be and it will be what it will be. What it is means that the story in the book inspires me. What I want it to be means that I have an idea that I need to find a book that fits the visual story I want to create, whereas it will be what it will be means I take a book with no idea in mind as to how it will turn out and intuitively start cutting.

I would say about 67% of the books I create fall into the what I want it to be category so that’s what I will describe. I will get an image stuck inside my head and think about it quite a bit before I will put pencil to paper, working out basic concepts in my head and then creating a very rudimentary sketch (mainly so I don’t forget the idea). I then head off to the stacks – a very unorganized collection – in search of a book whose story has some of the same elements as mine. This is a daunting task as I have no idea as to what the content of at least 97% of the books I house is.

Sadly the adage “you can’t judge a book by its cover” is all too accurate. Titles can be misleading, the content seems like a good match but the cover has illustrations that are in conflict with the vision, and heaven forbid I can’t find any information on the book on Google and then have to decide if I have the time to invest in reading a few chapters or should just keep looking elsewhere.

After hours and even days of searching, I find the match – the perfect companion to my vision. I leaf through most of the pages, book marking those passages, illustrations, lack of text or unique text layout for me to revisit as I cut layer by layer, page by page. Then a slightly more detailed sketch is created – and then comes the point of no return …

I draw the shape of the cut out on the cover and with book and blade in hand, the transformation begins. All cuts are done with a craft knife – yes, even the cover. It is cut by scoring multiple times and then stab and drag, stab and drag. Sure, there are easier ways to do this - the not so occasional accidental sacrifice of blood still doesn’t deter me - I prefer to use my hands, to be able to pack up to my art, take it anywhere I chose to create and not worry about access to electricity. With the cover hole cut, I take out my file and smooth the opening, refine the curves and lines. Then another sketch of how the piece will be laid out is drawn on the front leaf of the book. This can be especially handy to have in more complex designs where I use the image as a template or stencil when cutting the many layers.

From then on out, it is just a matter of cutting one to three pages at a time. The number of pages is determined by the quality of the paper and over all design. Admittedly, this can become tedious if the depth of the layer is greater than ¼” but it is also important for me NOT to rush through the cutting of pages stage as phrases and images easily hide from view when I first go through the book in search of the elements I want expose.

Accidents do happen – the occasional over cut of a section or completely cutting out a page I meant to keep. I am very rigid in my creative process – if the section has been completely cut through, I just walk away from it – even though it would be quite easy to simply glue that section to the page below. The story can develop plot twists during this time as the layers start taking on a different life and their shadows start telling a story of their own as I cut deeper and deeper.

This, the lengthiest part of the creation process, I mentally start to flesh out what the painted characters – or inhabitants – of the book sculpture will look like (I can easily spend over 40 hours of just cutting the pages and so have a lot of “free creative brain time”) . How will they interact in the environment, what will their facial expression be? I dare not start painting them until all pages that will be cut, are cut, as I want the character - be in human, animal or other worldly - to look as if they had grown up in the book sculpture and has called it home forever. The characters are painted with acryla gouache on sheets of mixed media paper or directly onto the book page. The latter is more of a spirit creature – a ghost that is still very much part of the life force of the book. These little paintings are then mounted to illustration board for rigidity and cut out (again by hand with a craft knife).

Once the book cutting is complete and the character painted, I move on to the last creative piece which ties the story together (literally) - the stitching. Each altered book piece has some thread or string (occasionally wire is substituted) added to help in the visual story telling. It can be very elaborate such as sewing branches and leaves onto the cover or something as simple as a few blades of grass. The drilling to create the needle holes in the cover is (again) done with a hand tool called a jeweler’s drill. This nifty device has interchangeable bits from the diameter of a hair to 7mm lead. I believe the longest recorder amount of time I have spent drilling/stitching a single piece is 15 hours.

Now it’s time to do all the boring stuff that makes the piece ready to hang. All the pages are bound together, I create a little wire coat hanger in which the piece can be hung and sew it onto the back of the book as well as stitch in the publication and rebirth years. Both covers are glued to the bound pages, clamped and by the next day, what was once an orphaned book, now rid of its shell, is a three dimensional sculpted piece of art!

And that is how my book sculptures are born.

How long? On average 40 hours a piece. A few take less time and I have spent over 100 hours on a piece more than once.

Where do the books come from? Are they from collecting or via donation? How are you inspired when creating these intricate piece? Are they inspired by the book or from an idea you jotted down? My books come fro various sources. Initially I would get them at thrift stores, the rule was that they had to be as old as me. I normally still stick to that rule unless it is a commission or a piece created for a specific themed show. More recently, I have had a lot of books donated to me – some because the thrift stores won’t take them any more and others because the former owners’ had cherished them and hoped that they could find new life in my hands. On rare occasions I do order from Ebay. I prefer the hunt, stalking down the perfect book, taking weeks and even months. Sometimes, I don’t have that luxury due to deadlines.

Normally I have a concept I want to develop, I look through my stacks (which numbers in the 100’s and shelved at random) hoping to find one that has a similar story line. Since I don’t have time to read each one, I go online and do research – reading the synopses – as well as skimming the books. This can be dangerous as sometimes the books I am sorting through pull me in and new inspiration is born from the written word.

I see my pieces as more of a collaboration between myself and the authors and illustrators. I use their art form as an inspiration stream and add my own twist (or chapter) to create the stories anew.

Is there a piece that was directly influenced by a memory or experience you’ve had or story you’ve heard? It is rare that I remember my dreams but a few years ago I awoke and remembered having a very strange dream about tiny cyclops octopuses and tea cups. Shortly there after I stumbled across a Reader’s Digest collection that contained 20,000 leagues Under the Sea and so I had to create the little cyclopes – sans teacups. I really want to revisit that dream in art form again – with the tea cups – as of yet, I haven’t come across any books that would fit.

What’s the perfect day at the studio like for you? What kinds of things would we find in your creative space?

A perfect day would start around 6pm. I prefer to work at night until the early hours of the morning. I would have a nice cup of endless coffee at hand, a bag of baby carrot and raw nuts available for snacking (separate bags) and some left over Indian food for later in the evening/morning. The original Twin Peaks is playing in the back ground (i pretty much have the dialogue memorized) and my shoes are off and slippers on.

Spread around me on the floor (I work sitting on the floor) is a brand new cutting mat that smells of childhood summer beach toys, an assortment of craft knifes with brand new blades (I rarely use new blades as I have learned to sharpen them) and a vintage book begging me to caress its pages, ogle its inner beauty and then skillfully and slowly start to transform its story from the 2D writing into a 3D world it never knew it could be!

Within my studio I have quite a nice collection of small art (besides my own of course). I use it for inspiration and feed off the remnants of creative energy that the artists left with each piece. There are books, LOTS of books that have no rhyme or reason to their shelving locations or book neighbors. I have quite a few orchids which may or may not be in bloom – all of which were gifts. I have a cool vintage love seat which normally is a place for art to lounge on along with the occasional visitor. A nice collection of coffee mugs – with at least half of them needing to be washed- and of course a coffee maker. I also have an old radio from probably the 30’s that I occasionally plug in and turn on – the sound is great but there aren’t that many am radio stations with strong enough signal that are worth listening to.

What’s one of your favorite creations you’ve made and why? I created a piece based on Pan’s Labyrinth. It was the first piece of fan art I had ever created.

I rarely actually watch movies or t.v. - I listen to them but my eyes and hands are busy creating art. I don’t like foreign films that have voice overs, there is just something unnerving about them.

So with Pan’s Labyrinth, it is something that I actually had to watch. It is a visual masterpiece – as is everything that Guillermo del Toro does.

Creating art based off of something that is already a magnificent piece of art is quite challenging. I didn’t want it to be obviously fan art it was important I make it my own. I ended up using a book in Spanish about the Spanish Civil war. I also used some techniques that were new to me – removing the decorative fabric only from the cover to create pattern, adding color and even adding the cover of a larger book as a backdrop. Oh yeah, and a drop of blood – my fingers tips are pretty callused from art making it took a little more effort than I liked to get that blood.

It was exciting to use new techniques and to push myself to be precise and exact – an actual labyrinth with tiny stairs down to the portal – and at the same time use my imagination to explore concepts that I could only see (movie) and not read and translate them into my own design.

What’s your main tool for making art? Is there a medium you’re wanting to try? A craft knife with an Excel blade – the brand REALLY makes a big difference. In a tie would be a good mat – still looking for the perfect one.

I took a class last year on wood block cutting and would really like to do more with that. I think it would work well with the book page scraps I collective (I have many many boxes of them) plus it is another substractive art techniquewhich makes sense in my brain.

Who are some artists that you’re inspired by and have influenced you throughout the years? Edward Gorey is my main influence. Partially because he was both a visual artist and a writer. I love how dark his images are and the same time laced with humor. His black and white color palette obviously works for me as well. There is a simplicity to it and at the same time it is so masterfully done that the work appears much more expansive than it already is.

As far as artists that are alive and kicking today, my local biggest influences are Aria Fawn and Nicole Grosjean. They are completely different in everything they do and at the same time such masters of detail and story telling.

Aria creates surreal and fantastic worlds in watercolor, largely inspired by the beautiful and violent balance of nature and wild things and the cycle of life, death and rebirth. There is such organic and natural beauty in her style, a freeness that I strive to incorporate into my rigid calculated creation process. I probably own more of Aria’s art than anyone else's - I have multiple pieces by her in my studio and home. She is constantly with me, always inspiring, motivating and energizing my creative spirit.

Nicole on the other hand, creates tiny worlds from hand cut, hand painted paper – which she considers three dimensional illustration. Sometimes there are over a thousand individually cut and painted pieces of paper in one work of art. She is so precise, so CLEAN I have no idea how she does it. I have a very tiny praying mantis in a watch piece from her as well as a larger dragon that I got for my husband as a gift to cover all holidays for several years.

My my top three non locals are Jolene Lai, Jason Limon and Kristen Egan. They all are completely different from one another – Kristen creates magical creatures from gourds. I am dying to get my hands on one as 3D art really needs to be experienced in person to feel the texture, see how the light and shadow changes the mood of the piece. She makes it look so seamless – at first glance I thought the were ceramic.

When I first saw Jason’s work I thought it was the most amazing paper cut art I had ever seen, then I realized it was a painting! His playfulness along with social commentary paired with his insane talent to place highlights and shadows it something I strive for. I feel that my painted characters could be so much more influential – a better actor one could say – in the dioramas I create if they appeared more three dimensional. I am lucky to own one small original that lives with me in my studio.

And then there is Jolene. I would consider her one of the greatest artists of all time. There is so much emotion, energy, story telling in her paintings. Her use of color (and again light and shadow) makes her works hyper realistic to me – I feel sucked in and transformed as an active participant in her paintings. I own two beautiful graphite pieces of hers which live at my house.

What’s your experience been like with the art scene in your area? How is the artist community? I LOVE the art scene in Denver. We are a “new” city that still has not lost its small town connectivity in the arts. Artists support other artists, galleries support other galleries. It is not an us vs them mentality here and I really think it will stay that way.

I got my start in a traditional co-op gallery that sadly just closed this year after being open for nearly 30 years.

They rejected me the first time around and told me what to change for the next application round and I got in that second time.

Even at Valkarie we host a drop in creative night every Thursday – going on almost five years. All levels of artists come, from doodlers to professionals, painters to jewelry makers. We openly give feedback on what we re working on and share calls for art and discuss booth set ups for conventions – what works and what doesn’t.

How do you stay inspired on those days when you’re feeling uninspired? To be honest, it has been years since I felt uninspired. I think because of the super supportive art community I always have someone to run ideas off of. Also, the books themselves are full of written and visual inspiration, an unending supply of it. And all that awesome art I collect, for me it’s not a lack of inspiration it’s more a lack of what I want to focus on – too many bees buzzing with ideas in my brain.

When you’re not working in the studio, what are you doing? What do you enjoy? Truth be told, 83% of my waking time revolves around art. Besides spending time with my own art and running Valkarie Gallery, there isn’t much time for anything else.

In that 17%, I enjoy making pies from scratch with my husband, getting out into the mountains to escape all the compartmentalizing of city life and being servant to the cats – if they had their way, I wouldn’t get any art done at all.

If I ever find “free” time again I would love to get back into creative writing, pick up the violin again and go on more bike rides. Nothing sporty, just peddling around town with no destination in mind.

What advice would you give someone who is thinking of becoming an artist? Start young – before you get tied down with a house, spouse or kids. It is much easier to get by on less while you are young.

Don’t feel like you have to get a degree in art (I know I will catch flack for this one). Do take art classes, marketing classes, get involved in with meet up art groups and build community. Some of the most successful artists I know have no formal art degree. Their talent, passion and drive have given them much success without a pile of debt and they tend to be the most active in artist groups.

Know that rejection is 90% of the game and don’t get discouraged. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good at what you do, it can mean that you weren’t what they were looking for. If you are really passionate, you will always create no matter what others say about your art.

Develop a style that is unique to you. This can be the most difficult especially with everything being available to anyone with a smartphone, computer or tablet. I think it is one of the reasons I keep creating the book sculptures and expanding what they are.

What are your FAVORITE Vans?  It really depends on the weather and where I am headed. If it is snowy or raining and am headed to the studio, slip-ons are best, so I can easily take them off and on multiple times a day (sitting on wet shoes is a mistake only made once). In good weather, any Vans are comfortable enough to wear evening while squatting on the floor creating art.

Finally, can you tell us about any exciting things you’ve got coming up? This year I have had my art in five different states and at the beginning of December I will be showing in my sixth. I will have a booth at the Recycled Art Market in Santa Fe, NM. This will be the first time showing my art there and think I will come back with some pretty exciting new ideas on how to incorporate other repurposed items into my books and maybe even find some new resources for creating my sculptures.

I also have two commission coming up that I am really excited to get going on. Will be doing A Clockwork Orange piece and The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe(for two different clients). It has been decades since I read either but I think these two both warrant a reread before I start them (I really do my best to avoid watching movies of books for inspiration).

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LEARNING TO SWITCH OFF 'THAT' VOICE IN OUR HEAD

Managing our time effectively is a challenge that many of us wrestle with on a daily basis. There are many strategies to doing this which I cover in other articles including creating effective boundaries, learning to say no and a wide range of techniques to save time and ensure you don’t duplicate effort. Once you master these techniques you would assume that you have cracked the issue of managing your time well, yet many people find the time they have free is dominated by that voice in their head.

The voice comes in a variety of guises.

There is the voice that constantly nags about things you have done or said which you realise with hindsight, it would have been better if you had hadn’t. Why didn’t you bite your tongue and remain silent? Why did you behave in that way when you knew there would be negative consequences? “Why did you……?”

Then there is the voice which harangues you because you failed to say what you really think or you wish you told someone you loved them or were sorry while you had the chance. It tells you that should have stood up to your partner, parents or workplace bully. “Why didn’t you …..?”

There is the voice that endlessly reminds you about all the jobs which need to be done, discusses all the options, gets you planning marketing strategies or rehearsing the interview you are going to attend in a few days time. “And then there’s …. And don’t forget ….”

There is the voice that constantly tells you that you are never good enough, that you have failed yet again and that it is no surprise because you have so little worth. “You are stupid…. worthless….. fat…… “

My personal experience and work with countless clients have demonstrated that the size and significance of the perceived issue appear to have little or no significance in relation to the volume and persistence of the voice in our heads. The voice is often at its quietest when we are busy. It only begins to be a real problem for the majority of people in their personal time and for many of those is at its loudest in the dark lonely hours when they are desperately trying to sleep.

Do we simply have to put up with this voice? Are we destined to be victims to the broken down record which goes around and around in our head?

The answer is No! As in all things we have a choice. If you choose to deal with the problem, there are many things you can do. You will need to experiment as different things work for different people in different circumstances.

If the voice persists or if you find your personal time or sleep is being affected you may find that working with an experienced coach can be really helpful

What is that voice? Many say that the voice in our head is our unconscious mind. It can be useful to think of it in this way, as there is usually an underlying reason which explains why we are hearing the voice and for what it is trying to say. Deal with that and the voice is easy to manage. Create a dialogue with your unconscious mind, it may feel strange but it can work really well.

The strategies fall into several categories:

1) The Mountain Or Molehill Test

The passage of time makes a huge difference to the way we feel about things. An incident that feels like the end of the world can appear insignificant after a few hours, days or weeks. If you have something which is really getting to you, one quick way to silence the voice in your head is to consider the following questions:

In the grand scheme of things is this a mountain or a molehill situation?

Will this incident feel as significant tomorrow? In a weeks time? Six weeks? Next Year? If you were at the end of your life looking back?

At what point will you be able to look back and laugh or at least smile about this?

How long will it take before this becomes a great story to tell a mate over a drink or dinner?

If it is going to become a molehill in a while why let it be a mountain?

Why not give it molehill status now?

2) Interrupt The Flow

The brain works rather like a record or CD. Thought patterns work like the patterns ingrained into the disc. Even though vinyl records have now become a collector's pieces we still use the expression “going on like a broken record” to describe how thoughts seem to stick and constantly repeat themselves in our head. If you wanted to stop a record or CD delivering its usual pattern of sounds you simply need to interrupt the pattern on the disc by scratching them with a sharp object. We can interrupt the constant stream of negative thoughts or sounds. There are a number of ways to do this:

Interrupt the pattern by doing something different. When you can do something very different which also changes your physiology the results are far more powerful. The results are even more profound when it is something that makes you laugh. Next time you are feeling low, when the voice is at its most insistent get-up and try a variety of silly walks around the house. Clients report that having physically done this a few times not only does it work really well but that just the thought of doing it becomes enough to break the pattern as it makes them smile.

Exercise can be really helpful. The change of activity and release of endorphins which exercise releases can help put things in perspective. Asking your unconscious mind to find a solution or to undertake the mountain/molehill strategy before starting to run or cycle can be incredibly helpful too.

Watch or listen to something which makes you laugh, go and cook or make something, work in the garden. Changing your physical state will change your mental state too.

3) Tell The Voice To Shut The _____ Up!

For some simply telling the voice that it is not being helpful, telling it to SHUT UP! is enough. If that isn't working visualise a large switch or dial and imagine turning it off and locking it into place can help. It is in the making the decision to take control of things that actually makes the difference for them.

One of my clients referred to her voice as 'The parrot'. I asked her how people quieten caged pet parrots, put a cloth over the cage was her response. She then smiled and said if that doesn't work I can shoot the bl---y parrot! This became her favourite method. She described how she visualised a cartoon where she shot the imaginary parrot with a blunderbuss initially but if the parrot regrouped in true cartoon fashion she then used a cannon. It made her laugh and the voice was quietened!

4) Learn The Lesson

When the voice is nagging you for things you have or haven’t done one strategy is to ask yourself what the underlying lesson behind the voice might be?

Ask yourself: what learning could I take from this situation that would be helpful in the future? Think about what situation has given rise to that nagging voice. Recreate that situation in your mind where you create a different behaviour, one which you know would lead to success. What would that look and sound like? How would it make you feel? What could you learn from this? Thank the voice for giving you the opportunity to learn and let your unconscious mind know you have taken the learning forward so it can now stop.

5) Compartmentalizing

Learning to compartmentalise can help you manage the voice in your head. Visualise putting the issue/s bothering you into a briefcase or a box. This is particularly helpful if you find it hard to switch off from work and the boundaries between work and personal time have become blurred. Create a compartment for work thinking - one which you will pick up again as you start to work the next day.

If you are travelling to and from work you can use the journey to create a separation between 'work' time and personal time. Create a point in the journey where you always make the changeover. Some find they need a neutral space between work and home. Use a section of your journey like the air chamber in a submarine which acts as the buffer between the sea and the inside cabin can help.

For those who are working from home, it is important to create some demarcation - some of my clients have found that creating a specific routine that becomes the marker between personal time and professional time helps. Music can be really helpful - playing a piece of music that represents the shift can help. What is important is that you create something meaningful for you.

6) Change Your Perception

Perception is everything. You filter everything which happens in your life and interpret it according to your values, belief system and prior experiences. Understanding that your personal perception is not a guarantee that you are always right, can be very helpful. How you interpret another person’s response makes an incredible difference to how you feel and to the voice in your head. Be open to the possibility that there are alternative rationales to the one you have initially created. It is not always about you.

7) Do Something With It

You are being kept awake, that voice in your head is constantly telling you about all the things which need doing or is bursting with ideas. It is far better to get up and capture the ideas, create a list of all the things which need to be done or write the letter saying sorry or stating your case. Once you have done everything which can be done practically at this time you are far more likely to be able to sleep. You can take any actions needed the next morning.

8) Let Go Of Regrets - It’s Too Late

A number of clients have talked about the voice which constantly reinforces the regrets that they didn’t tell loved ones, who have died, how much they loved them. Writing a letter where they could say everything they wished they had said, offered a positive way forward.

Doing so and actually verbalising how you truly feel to someone else can also be helpful. I believe that learning the lesson so that we take the time to value loved ones and friends and to thank people for the difference they make to our lives in the NOW (even though it may feel embarrassing) can have a profound effect on not only silencing the voice in our heads but in enhancing the quality of our lives.

There are any number of strategies you can use. The important thing for all of us is to realise that we don’t have to be a slave to the part of us that wants to take over and destroy the precious time we have by being nagged by a negative and persistent voice.

The quality of your life is up to you. Of course, life can throw you curve balls - I know I have been thrown many over my lifetime but what I have come to realise is that it isn't the challenge that defines you it is how you choose to deal with it.

SO

If you would like to become the leader of your own life:

Here is a personal invitation to join me for a -'BECOME THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE' - VIP Day Intensive/s where you will learn how to let go of old limitations and step into the limitless possibilities which await.

For more details and to book go to:

https://ginagardinerassociates.co.uk/page_48.php?pgenme=leadership-for-life&nav_group=all

Further Resources:

'leadership For Life' Radio and TV Shows on W4CY live every Thursday at 6pm UK time 1pm Eastern

https://w4cy.com/shows/leadership-for-life/

Youtube Leadership For Life Playlist

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLR8ab6DHaK7nWQc2cG8WzJxnkD9_LUhqq

Books:

Thriving Not Surviving - The 5 Secret Pathways To Happiness Success And Fulfilment

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B074BPBLD3/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1

The Happiness Challenge

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B08BC1H4YS/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i3

Genuinely New -

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Genuinely-New-Discovering-Leadership-Identity/dp/B08J578F2P/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Genuinely+New+by+Gina+Gardiner&qid=1614862410&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

Articles:

How To Create A Wealthy Life

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ginagardinerassociates_wealth-wellbeing-abundance-activity-6782571460750802944-cbg1

Healthy Relationships With Others Require A Healthy Relationship With You

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/healthy-relationships-others-relationship-yourself-first-gardiner

#mentalhealth #wellbeing #happiness #confidence #selflove #health #dealingwithstress #dealingwithanxiety

[clickbliss]

Hockey Manager 20|20 Review

By: John (@jiggly_333)

Hockey Manager 20|20

Publisher - netmin games

PC

A long time ago, I used to play a lot of Facebook based sports games. Most of them were just management based games where you had to wait a certain period of time to get the tokens to get players or train. Essentially, Football Manager and Out of the Park Baseball clones, but with microtransactions. But there was one game, that was so extremely different that I think about it a lot.

I can’t remember the name anymore, but I remember that you were in control of this soccer player in England. It combined the use of live action cutscenes and really difficult QTEs to not only allow you to train your player to be better, but also crafted a story. You could choose to use your daily allotment of energy points to go to training or to an advertisement shoot to earn money. Or, you could even choose to use those energy points to go on dates or hang with friends. This concept of a sports game/dating sim/financial sim has never fully left my brain and I’ve always wondered if any other game developers would try to make something similar.

This brings me to Hockey Manager 2020.

At first, I thought it was just another in-depth Franchise mode. I made a new female coach, chose my picture from one of the really nice hand drawn avatars, laughed at the unlicensed NHL team names (Favorites: Pittsburgh Northbirds, Washington Cops, Anaheim Tweetys), and began my career. I was offered a job as the coach of a German team and the Argentine National Team and started from there. But after a while trying to put together my first lineup, I noticed something incredible: The “Private” tab.

The Private tab has the normal stuff you’d expect, any stats you’ve accumulated as a PC, your wins and losses and that, but there was so much more. First of all, you start the game with the relationship statuses “single” and “no children”. Why is this important?  Well, not only are you controlling a hockey team, but you have to manage your personal life. You have to choose how much you’re willing to spend on your personal lifestyle, you have to choose how much time you’re going to invest in your private life. And while normally in sports management sims your salary doesn’t matter, I found a literal stock market sim going in the background of this tab. The personal life portion not only has to do with personal finance, but personal relationships. As I completed my first day, my coach got a call from a guy asking her out on a date. He was wearing sunglasses indoors, so I immediately said no.

Then I decided I needed to start over because a whole world in this game had opened up to me. This wasn’t just a hockey management sim. It was a life sim based around you as a hockey coach, managing personal expenses and relationships, while still giving time and effort to your team. So, I started a new game, this time creating my own team. That was a mistake.

Or at least, how I did it was a mistake. This is a warning to anyone who wants to create a team in Hockey Manager 2020: You don’t have very many resources to start with. Which means that if you decide to, say, create a team in the game’s equivalent of the AHL, you’re going to have a bad time. My “Milwaukee Swans” clearly didn’t stand a chance against the kind of top-quality opposition they were up against. I think that if you’re going to try the “create a team” route, stick to Europe, where you’ll be on a much more level playing field. However, there was an extra bit of fun in taking full control of the ownership aspect of the club. You have control over the expansion of your arena, decision-making in what training camps and PR events your team has, and a full in-depth revenue calculator. Of course, this was something that was available to me in the other save, I just happened to only realize it when I started with this save. So, after losing a few games I realized my mistake and decided that maybe I should just play as an extremely rich team so I could fully experience the end-game goals of Hockey Manager 2020.

This time, I started a new save with the “Choose a Club” selection. I supported my local team by picking the knock-off Chicago Blackhawks. The Chicago Whitebirds were given a brand new GM and I was able to see what a fully upgraded stadium looked like. The team was so rich that I could probably buy any player I wanted from Europe, but my team was so good that it wouldn’t be worth it to pay for any of them. My first paycheck was enough to let me get on board with some pretty solid stock options. In fact, in this save I barely even touched the coaching side of things, instead signing a good assistant coach and passing all the work off to him so I could pay more attention to the stock market. I got in so deep that I found that there was a section right next to the stock market for betting on your games. If I remember sports history correctly, this is the sort of thing that Pete Rose got banned from baseball for. But, Hockey Manager 2020 lets you bet freely, so I started racking up the money.

So, how do you, a Hockey Manager in 2020, spend your money in this game? Well, if you’re on a struggling team like my Milwaukee Swans, you can actually donate your own personal funds to the team. That way, if you somehow hit the jackpot in the stock market, you can actually use that money to improve your team for the future. You can also invest that money in the bank. You’re given some sort of investment placeholder like a gold or platinum ingot that’s valued at a certain level. Its value rises as time goes on and you can eventually take it out if you need that money. You can also buy other investments, like how I bought a sword and the game told me that I had a “30% chance to receive +1 Penetration Strength”. I’m very foggy on the details of that stat, but I think that means I can use it to kill Gary Bettman. These bonus investments give you a bonus on a certain stat that somehow relates to the item. You can also spend that money on your “lifestyle” which relates to the happiness of your significant other. Don’t worry about finding one because they literally just show up periodically.

You see, you don’t actively take part in very many of the activities that you say that you’re doing. 

Since Hockey Manager 2020 is still mainly a hockey management sim, you do have control over tactics, how often certain plays are run, and ice time. You also have the ability to decide each player’s training regimen. Since my tactical hockey knowledge is constantly fluctuating between the hard-nose hitting Broad Street Bullies style and beautifully skillful Russian Ballet style and NOTHING in between, I let the assistant coach handle this. But compared to name-brand Eastside Hockey Manager, HM2020 is much more in depth in its tactics. Although, it is a bit hard to read. But we’ll get to that. After each intermission, you get to choose one rallying call out of four options and that’s about as much work you do during games. All your tactics were set ahead of time unless you want to make those changes mid-intermission. Then there’s contract negotiations that spring up not just for players and coaches, but also sponsors. It’s a bit of a mini-game where you try to move the numbers just enough so as to not anger the other party enough that they’ll walk away. And that’s about the extent to which you have active control over the team.

You’re allowed up to three “appointments” per month. Basically, they’re fun things that you can do as a GM to gain favor in a certain way, maybe get some extra money or fan support. But you only choose for this thing to happen. You don’t actually get to do anything when it happens. It’s kind of disappointing when you set up an interview and don’t get to actually respond to questions. These appointments are sort of left up to chance and while you might get a favor from your bank advisor on one trip, you might lose fan support on another. You don’t really have control over the success of the appointment, you just set it up.

As a whole, this game has some big issues with its English translation. I hope that they can patch that up with some better wording. There are certain things that need more clarity. While I said before that Hockey Manager 2020 may have a leg up on EHM in terms of tactics, the way to tell what players are better than others is sorta complicated. Their overall ability is combined between their inherent “strength” and their current form. As someone who’s played plenty of sports management sims, “strength” is usually a single attribute relating to body strength. Due to the translation issues here, it relates to the overall inherent ability of a player. It’s small things like that that really hold this game back from being really good.

In the end, just like any sports management game, it’s about getting used to the way the game plays and just putting a lot of time into building your team. It’s also about finding which part of the game is fun for you. While I wasn’t really that deep into the tactical aspect, the Private tab was an amazing adventure that I think is well worth the time and in-game investment. So if you’re itching for an alternative to something like Eastside or even NHL, try Hockey Manager 2020. It may not have the license to NHL teams, but it does have the official licenses to the French and Spanish leagues. Maybe try that out!

[inkinghubris]

Ep. 47: Finding Inspiration When it is Lost

Episode 47: Finding Inspiration When it is Lost

In this episode, we continue looking at what issues writer's face and how to solve them. Today we tackle the loss of inspiration. We figure out where it goes, and use various methods to bring it back. You can listen to the episode right here. The transcription is below the player. Feel free to add your comments using the comment section below.    

Episode 47 Transcript

Note: Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and humans, as such, it may contain errors. Please, double-check the audio file before quoting anything from this page.   Introduction 00:00 Inspiration. It is what drives us, as creatives, to write, draw, sing, dance... whatever it is that we do to express ourselves. What happens, though, when we don't have any inspiration? How do we get it back? In today's episode I want to cover inspiration and figure out where it goes, and how to chase it down. Stick around, we have a lot to figure out. 00:35 01:04 Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes. It is one of those little things that we, as writers, take for granted sometimes. Losing your inspiration is like losing your car keys when you don't have any plans to go anywhere. You don't really know it's lost. Sometimes this happens because you have already started a project and you sit down to write and you trudge through.

Finding your inspiration can be a tough ask. Don't give up, it's in there, somewhere. 01:31 You know what needs to be done, so there isn't a real need for inspiration to strike. It can feel like a loss of motivation, which I covered last week. However, there are some differences. For example, the loss of motivation makes you feel like doing nothing, where as the loss of inspiration makes you feel like you aren't doing enough, or you aren't doing the right thing.   When Loss of Inspiration is Noticeable 02:05 Where you really notice the lack of inspiration, when it has left you, is when you attempt to start a new project. It doesn't matter how prepared you are, sometimes nothing flows. You can sit down to write, double check your notes and your fingers just hover over the keyboard. You stare at the blinking cursor or the blank page and you grow frustrated. 02:35 To make matters worse, the lack of inspiration can lead to other problems, such as motivation, depression, that feeling of self-doubt. It is a serious problem that for the most part goes unaddressed. That's why I decided to bring it up today. 02:56 What can we do about this inspirational shutout? The simple answer is to "go find it again." Though that can be more difficult than it sounds, especially if you also suffer from the other issues that can come up from the condition. So, I want to cover a few of the various methods that I use to find my inspiration when she decides to play a game of hide and seek from me.   There are Steps to Take

Take each step as it comes. Find the one for you. 03:29 The first thing I do is step away. This is always my first step for situations like this. I have never found inspiration, motivation, drive or ambition beating my head against the keyboard. So, I remove that from my view and take on another task. I also find it easier to do something mundane and something that requires little brain power. I am attempting to reset my mind, so I will do the dishes and laundry, I'll go for a walk with my headphones in. 04:07 A lot of times, this can be enough. I have noticed that when I give my brain the break from the computer, it always wants to find its way back. So while I am scrubbing that roast grease off of the baking pan, my mind is trying to write that first chapter, or further develop that character. If I have come up with something, I will dry my hands and go back to the computer to see what I can do. Sometimes, that is enough. I can jot down those few things I thought about and off I go.   Still have a Loss of Inspiration? Try Another Option 04:40 More often than not, though, that fickle mistress of inspiration is still hiding. So, I move to my next step: free writing. I have mentioned this before, I believe, either here on the podcast or perhaps in the Extra Draft blog. Free writing is something I do to clear the cobwebs. It works well for me when I am in the middle of a project and get stuck, or develop writer's block. It works for the inspiration sometimes, too. 05:13 For free writing, I use pen and paper instead of the computer. I get comfy on the couch or in a big chair, or I'll even go to the coffee shop or local bookstore. I take my pad and paper and I just start writing whatever comes to mind. Try not to think about writing, or if it even makes sense. You just put words down. Whatever is in your head, it ends up on paper. When you free write, it goes fast. You find yourself scribbling on the paper at break-neck speeds. It's actually pretty fun.   Turn to Peers and Heroes

Reading helps me find my inspiration, if I read a story I love. 05:57 If that doesn't jar the old hag from the rafters to give you the inspiration you need to work on your projects, there are other steps to try. Turn to your creative friends, admirer's or heroes. Most writer's that I know, myself included, have one or two author's that they adore. Or there are a couple of stories that really resonate with us. Every time I read them I get inspired to write myself. 06:25 I am unsure if it is just the fact that I love the story so much, or that I get the urge to emulate the greats, or exactly what. But after reading one of my favorite stories, I almost always feel like getting behind the keyboard and typing away. Some find this in their favorite music, or in a good movie. Whatever it is, there is just something about taking in the finished works of another creative that pushes us to get to work on our own projects. 07:00 Ninety-nine times out of 100, the aforementioned methods work for me. I am sure that they will also work for you. If they do not, there is a small list of other things you can try. First, take a longer break. Take a few days away from the computer or writing. Maybe your brain needs a longer break to do a full reset. Or, you can take one of those oddly inspirational 2 am showers. You always seem to get great ideas with a steaming hot 2 am shower.   Don't Just Take My Advice on Loss of Inspiration Fixes 07:38 Other writer's I know have other methods. Some do interviews with other creatives. They will call author friends on the phone and just talk it out. If you don't have any creative friends or family to call, talk to your self. Talking out loud is a great way to get the juices flowing. I have found myself walking around the house or out in the garden just jabbering away at myself. I don't look for answers. It is more of a verbal free writing, where I just talk about what's on my mind instead of writing it down. 08:16 Perhaps you have your own strange method of finding that inspirational cherub. If so, I urge you to go to the website at podcast dot Extra Draft dot com and look for episode 47. Scroll down to the comments section and let us know what works best for you.   A Few Weeks of Specific Help 08:44 Between depression and anxiety, a lack of motivation and the loss of inspiration, I have covered some of the biggest writing setbacks there are these last few weeks. With any luck, you will never need these episodes. If you do in the future, or are currently needing them now, I hope they help in some small way. 09:15 Also, if you have something else that is bothering you or keeping you from writing, head to the Extra Draft contact page (it's Extra Draft dot com forward slash contact) and send me a note. Perhaps I will be able to help you out through email and then produce another podcast episode to address that issue for the others out there. 09:42 Good luck with your writing and as always, until next week, kids - have fun; write words. 09:52   Read the full article

[drakelgema]

Jakarta's secret gems you should try even tho you're broke as Fuck !. Part 1

Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia. Famously known as the most crowded traffic city in the world, the central of urbanization in Indonesia, full of people, vehicles are everywhere, and sometimes can be freaking chaotic. A huge city with so much of modern skyscrapers towering above 10million+ citizens, you'll find Jakarta full of contrasts, from a wealth and poverty, historical and high end modern places, you'll overcome life, tears, and love also in Jakarta.

 Let's back to the main purpose of this story. My point is, id like to tell everyone some (secret) places in Jakarta (mostly place to eat) that is not that expensive but worth a visit!. Whether you're currently living your life in Jakarta or Have a plan to visit Jakarta these places should be on your Bucket list, FOR SURE!!!

 1.   Waytuki Vegetarian, Indian Cuisine.  

This vegetarian restaurant would definitely get 5 stars from me, compared with any other Vegetarian restaurants I've been up to. My first impression about this place was, clean, quiet, tidy, the strong aroma of Indian spices and of course cheap price!. The India atmosphere when entering this restaurant will make you think that you're in Mumbai with a Bollywood music echoing and a beautiful mural on the wall. This restaurant serves of course Vegetarian food in Indian style from a thick curry to a tasty Briani. I ordered Briani rice with curry, pratta bread, and Mango Lassi'.

All the dishes came with side dish sauce and curry so you could your bread into. The portion of Briani Rice was big, Prata Bread was filled with some potato and some "fake" meat, the Curry, however was seriously stunning and Mango Lassi' was a bit sour yet still delicious!. The Good News. The total price was bellow 120K Rupiah for 3 Persons! Approx: 40K / Person. 

Location: Waytuki Vegetarian, Jl. Pintu Air Raya No.28, RT.6/RW.1, Pasar Baru, Sawah Besar, Central Jakarta City, Jakarta 10710, Indonesia

2.   Ragusa (Es Italia).  

Next Time you feel sweaty on a sunny day, then have a stop to this place RAGUSA (Es Italia), but be patience because this place is always full of people. Established since 1930, this legendary place deserves a predicate The First and The Oldest Ice Cream Place in Indonesia. I think what makes this place always full of people because of the Ice Cream itself and the affordable price. The price around 15K - 35K Rupiah.

I ordered Banana Split and Special Mix. I could say the taste was fine and good. The Ice Cream reminds me about an old kind of Ice Cream seems more like the traditional one. However the place was small and full of people and Lil bit dirty. They only serve Ice Cream.

FYI: I don't know either, which one is the oldest one, Ragusa or Zangrandi In Surabaya. But both of them are good and serves Ice Cream too.

 Location: Ragusa Restoran Dan Ice Cream Italia, Jl Veteran 1 No. 10, Gambir, RT.4/RW.2, Gambir, Kota Jakarta Pusat, DKI Jakarta 14410, Indonesia

3.   Galeri Buku Bengkel Deklamasi (TIM) .

Located in downtown Jakarta, specifically in the same area with Taman Ismail Marzuki (TIM) this place will satisfy for all those who crazy for books and some of the old goodie stuff!!. I can stand for hours in this place for just looking some books to buy! Awesome this place is AWESOME!!. This small independent bookstore selling new and used (mostly) books with some old stuffs like a cassette. If you are looking for some used - rare books, well you need a Lil-bit effort to stroll the aisles. You know, having such a cheap-affordable books that caught your eye will make you want to purchase every book, especially for the master of a bookworm!!. Some books from Cholin Thubron and an Indonesian author like Aryantha Soethama are commonly found at this cool place. I can get 3 books for only (below) 100K rupiah.

Well, overall, this place has made me realize that reading a book is important same as feeding my stomach, I have to regularly feeding my brain so that I Could learn whether is new-thing or knowledge. This place is seriously telling me that I should spend my time more often reading a book (since it has definitely consumed by work, technology, and Internet). I'm so glad that I found this Place, I highly recommend it to everyone in Jakarta.

 FYI: At that time, I had a chance to interview directly with the owner Mr. Jose. This bookstore established since April 28th, 1996. The costumer come from all over the world, USA, Europe, Malaysia, Singapore and many more. Back In time some public figures were often bought some books from here, like Moerdiono and Salim Said - Until now, Moeldoko, Prabowo, Muhammad Nuh, Anis Baswedan, Sandiaga Uno, Fauzi Bowo, Fadli Zon and many more other.

Location: Galeri Buku Bengkel Deklamasi, kompleks Taman Ismail Marzuki (TIM) Jalan Cikini Raya, Jakarta Pusat, RT.4, Cikini, Jakarta, Kota Jakarta Pusat, DKI Jakarta 14728, Indonesia

4.   Martabak Orins.

Martabak Orins have it all, the overload Toppings, the brilliant taste, and of course the most affordable Martabak Millennials in Town!. For me, Martabak Orins is the only one thing that I HARDLY CAN'T AFFORD even though I am full as heck. Martabak is an Indonesian kind of pancake that commonly famous "lately" with toppings like Nutella, matcha, Skippy and any other millennial’s kind of taste. But the original one is chocolate and cheese.

Few times a month, me and some of my fellow workers and some friend order this martabak. I have no words to say about this Martabak, Should definitely on your list when you're around Jakarta. I Would not recommend any martabak joint unless this Orins. The price is bellow 100K Rupiah. Worth every Rupiah you've Spent!

  Location: Click HERE

5.   Mie Ayam Bakso Yunus !.

If you are the big fan of Noodles and meatballs, well this one is for you. Bruh, I mean it BRUH. When I tell you its good, its really fucking good. This place one of the most affordable noodles on the market (probably).   The noodles, it goes out like that super-fast serving!. It's served steaming hot with some seasoned chickens on the top, meatballs which is quite chewy and soft at the same time, the broth is so so tasty and delicious, also you can add the crispiness with some cracker what perfect comfort-food for a rainy day. At 50K Rupiah you'll get 2 (Mie Ayam Bakso) and Ice Tea. Well Priced, good portions, classic Indonesian Flavors, Why don't I eat here more often.

FYI: The only downside of this place is the parking area, Park your car around Tebet Traditional Market.

 Location: Mie Ayam Bakso Yunus, Jalan Tebet Barat Dalam VIII D, Tebet Barat, Tebet, Kota Jakarta Selatan, DKI Jakarta 12810, Indonesia

  6. Bubur Ayam Barito.  

THE BEST BUBUR AYAM IN TOWN! Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!.  

Whenever I need a chicken porridge this place where I'll be headed. The porridge is Thick, its already tasteful with or without additional soy sauce and the diced chickens are quite a lot. The best part is this cheese stick that will add a crispiness while eating the soft warm porridge. The portion, however large and pretty filling, but even so they were just too good to have any leftovers. Overall the porridge was FANTASTIC!. Brace yourself, this place is always full of people. The price around 16K - 19K rupiah. And they only open at night start at 6PM.

Location: Bubur Ayam Barito, Jl. Gandaria Tengah 3, Kramat Pela, Kebayoran Baru, RT.3/RW.4, Kramat Pela, Jakarta Selatan, Kota Jakarta Selatan, DKI Jakarta 12130, Indonesia

 7. Gulai Tikungan (GULTIK).  

Absolutely Cheap. I had often heard about this place "Gultik" as one of the most visited street-food in Jakarta, as recommended by most people I know so I decided to give a shot. Basically Gulai is the Indonesian kind of dish made from beef and sometimes chickens, rich with curry-like spice and a thick yellowish sauce. Unlike another Basic Gulai, this Gultik has a light sauce (pretty much like a broth) and small portion, yet still has a rich-delicious taste of Gulai will make you fall in love with it right away.  For normal, it Took 3 up to 4 portions / person. With the price approx 10K ++ Rupiah / portion.  

Actually, there are several stalls that sell some similar foods (Gulai) but my favorite one placed right in front of "Hanamasa". Why?, because I think the place was much better compared with others stalls. They also sell "Siomay" which is nice and cheap also. However, some people might say that the authentic and original seller is located in front of SMA 70.

FYI: Looking for parking could be so so stressful here.  

Location: Gulai Tikungan, Jl. Mahakam No.28, RT.1, Kramat Pela, Kebayoran Baru, South Jakarta City, Jakarta 12130, Indonesia

To be continued...  

Thank you for reading this. For the next I'll post other places in Jakarta, that you have to try. If you guys have some secret place in Jakarta that I should review it, I would happy to know it through the comment section below or through my askFM link bellow ! Happy for sharing.

Thank you so much for always reading my story, I do really appreciate it.

Ask me anything (http://ask.fm/Gemdra)

More from me (https://instagram.com/gemdra/)

Another Stories of mine also submitted on http://journesia.com/traveler/gemdra/

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5 Makassar Foods You Should Try Before You get Cholesterol.

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Here are few Places in Bali That should be on your list, to spend a FULL-DAY Trip. #BaliGakAdaMatinya

Solo Traveling ke luar negeri untuk pertama kalinya. Presented by Muliawan Travel !

[jeremiahdowney]

My Hotel Still Has a Thirteenth Floor

On the edge of the town of Greenwood sits a hotel. Newly rebuilt and re-branded after sitting for months as a pile of ashes. The official cause of the fire remains unknown…but the truth is that it was arson.

Taylor explained as much to me in her suicide note. Due to the intimate, “for-your-eyes-only” nature of the note, I wont be sharing it here. Suffice to say that she told me she couldn’t continue with the nightmares, and that Teegs was only the tip of the iceberg. She planned to take the whole place down with her, thirteenth floor and all. By the time I found her confession, it was too late for me to do anything about it. I’d sped through town toward the hotel I’d walked out of for the last time months earlier, only to arrive at a towering inferno. Bright orange and yellow flames were bursting from the windows, reaching upward toward the sky. Guest vehicles were ablaze, no doubt due to their proximity to the burning building. I don’t think Taylor would have purposely set fire to them, no matter what she was suffering at the time.

The firefighters seemed to have given up from what I could see, albeit my vantage was limited to my driver side window as I drove past, and my attention was primarily drawn to the nondescript black SUVs that were blocking the driveway entrances. Police officers, the public would think, no doubt…but their black suits…

I’d continued my drive out of Greenwood, stopping in our neighboring town. The city that Taylor had worked in before I contacted her, roped her back into all of this. I pulled into the parking lot of a gas station and let the emotions come. I read, and reread her note through my tears. The nature of our relationship was a unique one. We’d been friends, and lovers after the events of the thirteenth floor, sharing a bond that I assume only two people who have encountered the supernatural can even fathom. Now she was gone. I read her note one last time before pressing my car lighter into the bottom right corner of the torn notebook page. I’d dragged her into this, pulled her back into the world she’d managed to escape before. I could at least protect her legacy. I’d make sure there was no proof that could link her to the crime. As I sat there, wiping the tears from my eyes, watching the note burn in my vehicle’s pull out ash tray, I mentally prepared myself.

In the weeks that followed, I took to drinking. I’m not proud of that, but its the truth. Instead of reaching out about my loss, seeing a therapist…I turned inward, and to the bottle. My apartment felt so big, and empty without her. I’d drink often, but especially when following the story of the hotel. The Greenwood news covered it extensively. The police report, along with saying the cause was unknown, claimed there had been no casualties. Who knows if that was true, or just more bullshit. Those men in black no doubt spun a narrative, and the droves would just believe whatever the authorities told them. I knew for a fact that there was at least one dead. A redhead that was mentioned a total of zero times.

It was a few months before word of construction would hit the news. A new hotel to be erected in place of the old one, renamed “The Greenwood Hotel” after the town, of course. No franchise this time, apparently. “The Greenwood on the bay!” The news anchor had joked, with a plastic smile and big, white teeth flashing. She was referring to the swampy bog that sat in the forest behind the land. I remember thinking she was quite tacky for making the joke, but then again, I supposed I was the only one left who knew the history of the hotel which once sat there. Within a month the doors were opened.

My drinking came to a head about six months after Taylor had done what she did. Half a year of living on the stuff, lines begin to blur and limits become nonexistent. I showed up to work shitfaced, and even though the factory I’d been working for ever since the thirteenth floor turned a blind eye to numerous safety violations, and sexual harassment was a daily thing, I guess showing up drunk was where they put their foot down. I wouldn’t call it serendipitous by any stretch, but that very day was when I saw the ad. It shouldn’t have shocked me the way it did, I was searching the help wanted section of the newspaper after all, but I did feel my heart drop when I read it.

“GREENWOOD HOTEL-NIGHT AUDITOR WANTED”. I had flashes of it all when I read those words…night auditor wanted…I saw Taylor, The Bunnyman…memories of the puppet, and the way the wind whipped at me as I eagerly pounded on the elevator button the first time I’d stumbled onto that floor. Something clicked inside of me, and I don’t know if it was the alcohol’s affect on my brain, or maybe I was just drifting closer to madness due to my depression over losing my friend, but the one thing in my mind that I could not shake was the thought…maybe…maybe shes still there…Teegs managed to stick around, so why not? It was a crazy thought, but this whole place, these events, they were all crazy. So why not, right? It was with a shaking hand that I dialed the number listed.

There was no application process. I was called for an interview the very next day after the manager had heard my qualifications. Arriving was surreal enough, but nothing compared to hearing those automatic doors sliding open and setting foot inside once again. The wallpaper was different, as were some fixtures, but essentially the layout was the same. Desk to the left as you walk in, breakfast on the right. Beyond the desk sits the elevator, and hallway, expanding in both directions, ending in a stairwell. I wondered to myself about those stairwells.

The General Manager was the one manning the desk when I walked in. A woman who looked to be in her forties, who was trying desperately to hide any gray hairs with an unnatural, jet black dye job. She was enthused to meet me once I introduced myself. She gave me her name, Jeanie, and asked me if I’d step into her office. Why not, as it sat in the same place that Roger’s office had been. It was bizarre, yet so familiar. The interview was by the numbers, and at the end of it I was unsurprised when Jeanie, in a sweet voice, told me they’d love to have me on board, and asked when I could start.

“Immediately.” I replied, before adding “May I ask what happened to the last night auditor?”

Jeanie’s smile never faltered.

“She said she wasn’t comfortable working alone, something about getting a weird phone call. You know how that is, don’t you, Justin.” She said, as if the two of us were sharing an inside hotel joke, and she winked. I smiled back at her and nodded.

I started the next night. My trainer knew less than I did, so it was merely a single night that I wasn’t alone. My second night was when I began to look for any signs of the strange. I paced the halls, watched the cameras, but nothing happened. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. With this hotel, or at least the one that used to sit in this location, that was weirder than anything. Nothing. I spent four hours walking up one flight of stairs, and down the other…no thirteenth floor…nothing. Just the same three floors, over, and over, and over.

I wasn’t surprised, as the thirteenth floor had been quite elusive before…but a nagging at the back of my mind was arguing that maybe it was gone. Maybe Taylor HAD killed it, maybe this new hotel was just that.

Months went by like this. I’d check the stairwells, and the laundry chute…nothing. Hell, I’d even check the audit boxes to make sure they were normal, which they always were. To tell you the truth, it was quite a boring place. Until tonight.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first. I was just sitting here at my desk, catching up on a movie, when the phone rang. We are entering the off season for the hotel business in my area, and I’d dealt with a guy who was trying to get a room for he and his “wife” to “celebrate” in for only a few hours, therefore he felt he should only pay for said few hours. I’d explained to him that that is most definitely not how the Greenwood Hotel worked, to which he demanded I call my manager and call him back right away.

“Sir, it’s the middle of the night, my manager doesn’t want to be bothered and I can tell you that shes going to say the same thing I’m telling you.” I said, trying not to sound like an asshole, but not trying that hard.

“I’ll have your job!” he screamed back at me.

“You don’t want it, sir.” I finished before hitting the end call button.

I fully expected it to be him again, to give me what for, when I picked the phone up this time.

“Greenwood Hot-” I started, but was cut off.

“Set a man to watch all night, watch all night, watch all night, set a man to watch all night, fix my TV!” a shrill feminine voice shrieked at me to the tune of “London Bridge” through the receiver. Following the words came a horrible, witch-like cackle.

The line went dead, but not before I caught a glimpse of the phone console, which assured that the call was coming from room 604. A room that does not exist at The Greenwood Hotel. Immediately after the realization struck me, I heard the metallic “clang” from the laundry room, and the same witchy cackling, but much clearer than from the phone…much closer. I turned toward the noise, and my suspicion was confirmed, that it was coming from the laundry chute. The clanging was the chute door, opening and closing, like a mouth. This gave the appearance that the fucking chute itself was mocking me with that wild cackling.

I didn’t hesitate, and charged toward it. I violently grasped the handle, forcing the chute open, and through the manic laughter, I heard myself yell up the chute…

“Taylor!? Taylor, are you there?!” I managed, before starting to get choked up.

The chute stopped its laughing, but I kept my grip on its handle. I stood that way for what felt like minutes, but realistically had to be only seconds. Then the lights all around me flickered out, and the only illumination was what emanated from the opening of the laundry chute. A sickly crimson.

“You couldn’t take the fucking hint, could you?” My own voice spoke to me from inside the chute. It was unsettling to say the least, hearing oneself like that.

It startled me enough to make me jump, and caused my grip to loosen enough for the chute door to tear itself free and return to its natural closed position. I fell backwards onto the hard tile as I watched the chute slowly open again, eerie red light filled the room again as it did so. I saw something slowly descending in it. It looked like the chute was giving birth, pushing whatever it was down, with some effort. The scarlet glow didn’t help with recognizing it at first, as it simply looked like a shadowy blob.

“You know that I never loved you, right?” I heard the voice say. It was raspy, and gruff, but unmistakably Taylor. I was unable to move, as I sat there awash with horror.

The blob began to move, and it became clear once I saw the head rotate to face me. It was Taylor. She was upside down, shoulders, neck and head sticking out of the chute. It was a terrifying sight, seeing her badly disfigured. The burns on her face, scalp, and neck made me want to look away, I TRIED to look away, but I couldn’t. Her eyes, they were…they were melting, rolling down, or up her cheeks…her lips were black and split open, revealing tender pink meat. No hint of the beautiful orange hair existed anymore, it was replaced by the same horrific scarring that covered her face.

“Taylor…” I managed to whisper.

“Come to get me, Justin?” She wailed, and laughed simultaneously. It was as if pain and humor had met. It made my skin crawl and my hair stand up.

She chattered her teeth at me, and began to squirm. I saw on arm slide free, down the chute, followed by the other…she was going to work her way out, and she was going to get me…and I was going to let her.

“Fix. My. TV!” She howled, in that same pained laugh, as she grasped the edges of the chute, pulling herself closer to the actual opening.

“Ding, ding!” came the sound from the front desk. The unmistakable sound of my bell. I don’t know why it snapped me out of it, but I turned my head in that direction. This somehow broke me from the trance, and when I turned back toward the chute I saw it slam closed, followed by a banging on the metal door, which quickly faded. I was able to stand, and did so. I tried to process what I had seen, but the rapid dinging of the bell came again.

I composed myself and headed back around the wall to the front desk, where I was greeted by a sight just as unreal as the one I’d been confronted with moments earlier. There, staring at me from across the desk, stood a skeleton. It leaned on the desk, tapping its bony fingers on the plastic. I stopped in my tracks, and just looked. The thing looked back at me with its eyeless sockets for a few seconds. I don’t know how I knew it, but it could see me perfectly fine. This was confirmed when it spoke to me.

“Hi.” it said, despite having no neck to contain any vocal chords. Its skull pivoted back and forth on its spinal column. As it did this, dust fell from its bones onto a brightly colored, yet dirty, neon jogging suit. I also noted a huge crack along the left side of the skull.

“Hi.” I uttered back, still trying to understand what I was seeing. This was most definitely not the thirteenth floor. This was my brightly lit, clean, normal hotel.

“So, uh…” The skeleton spoke again. “Got any rooms?”

I nodded

“Can I have one?” he asked, a bit sarcastically, as if my standoffishness were unjustified.

I approached my computer, very unsure of how to proceed.

“How many nights are we looking at?” I asked, my tone unsettled.

“Indefinitely.” The skeleton responded, reaching into a pocket with his skinless hand. It produced two gold coins, that for lack of a better term looked like pirate treasure. It dropped them noisily onto the counter it was still leaning against.

I looked down at the spinning gold coins, and then back to the skeleton. I silently pointed to the sign next to him, which read “No Cash or Checks”. It sighed, scooping up the coins and jingling them in its fist.

“Amex okay?” it asked.

“You, uh, got a valid ID?”

It laughed, a sincere laugh, and put the coins back into its pocket, and pulled out an old, weathered wallet. From the billfold it pulled a brand new credit card, and to my shock, a drivers license. The most baffling look must have come over my face when I peered at the license, because the skeleton spoke again.

“Take all the time you need, chum.” It said, closing its teeth in a sort of awkward smile.

I looked the license over. It was local, because of course it was. Why wouldn’t Greenwood have a skeleton with a drivers license. And it definitely was the thing standing before me, as the description matched. “Hair:NA, Eyes:NA, Class:D” oh, and the picture in the corner was a fucking skull. Dead giveaway. The thing wasn’t even expired.

“Bruce Gumps.” I read aloud.

“In the…well, I would say flesh, but ya know.” Bruce said back to me, humor in his tone.  

I shrugged. Valid ID, valid credit card. I set the skeleton up with a room.

“Do you have a floor preference, Mr. Gumps?” I asked, in full on professional mode.

“Bruce, please. ‘Mr. Gumps’…yuck. And, Justin, I think you know what floor I want.” Bruce said slyly.

“How did you know my name?!’ I said, taken aback. The skeleton slowly raised his right hand and outstretched his index finger. He slowly began moving it toward me.

I panicked internally,images of the grim reaper doing the touch of death danced across my mind. I held my breath, bracing myself.

The bony finger struck my nametag with a soft “clack”.

“Oh…well, how about the third floor?” I said, feeling like a dumbass.

Bruce pivoted his head in a “no” motion. A weird “squeal” noise came from the bones rubbing together. I leaned in close.

“Thirteenth floor?” I whispered.

“Justin, I was just outside…there is No way this building has thirteen floors. No, I want you to type this into the room slot…and don’t you worry, I’ve still got my key from last time I stayed here. I know this building is ‘new’…” he raised his hands to do the rabbit ears gesture, “…but I think my key will still work.” He finished by showing me a skeleton key hanging around his neck.

“I see.” I said, not seeing at all.

“Punch in the room number B06.” He said, showing me his strange smile again.

To my surprise, it worked totally fine. I explained to him that he was all set, and pointed out the elevator.

“Elevator doesn’t go to my floor, Justin.” He said as he walked down the hallway. He disappeared into the stairwell, and I heard thunder clap outside.

So on the edge of the town of Greenwood, there sits a hotel. Inside of this hotel, sits a night auditor, smiling as he types up the events of the night. They may have been horrible, or surreal, but the night auditor smiles anyway, because he knows he will have new stories to tell.

[kennethherrerablog]

These 31 Tips Will Give Your Resume an Edge in the 2019 Job Market

When you’re on the job hunt, you only have six seconds to hook a recruiter or future employer with your resume.

Six. Seconds.

And with the rise of applicant tracking systems (those doohickeys that scan your resume), figuring out what to include, what to trash, what to highlight and what to downplay on your resume is getting even more difficult.  

We already have an in-depth guide to writing a resume that should help you get started. And, we’ve covered some general guidelines for writing a resume for recent grads on writing a resume.

But with more than 7 million job openings in the U.S., we knew it was time to get serious — and give you a shotgun blast of tips that will help you stand out among the 6.5 million job seekers jostling through the labor market.

We chatted with several human resources and recruiting experts to find out the latest trends in resume writing and bring you inside knowledge about how to make yours stand out.

31 of the Best Resume Tips to You Get Noticed

Blasting your resume out likely won’t get you noticed, unfortunately.

That was the case for Austin Garcia-Cooper, a business development associate at Kobie Marketing in St. Petersburg, Florida, who found himself unemployed in 2018 when the startup he worked for went through layoffs.

“In pretty much all of my previous job hunts, I got lucky and was able to rely on various contacts to get me introductions to decision-makers at companies,” he said. “I hadn’t had to lean on a strong traditional resume, as I was able to almost go straight to the interview process in the past.”

This time, he knew he’d have to rely on a strong resume to hook recruiters.

These 31 tips should help you get started on your resume, and guarantee you get noticed.

Just Get Started on Writing Your Resume

Procrastination can be one of the biggest hurdles while writing your resume. It represents the whole of your working life and you want it to be absolutely perfect, right?

You’ll be constantly tweaking the document to tailor it to each job in which you apply, and to incorporate feedback from friends and even HR managers with whom you’ve interviewed. So it doesn’t have to start out perfect — it’s not a static document.

The key is to just sit down and get started on your resume right away, said Colin McIntosh, CEO of Sheets & Giggles, former recruiter, and author of the second most popular Reddit post of all time on the “jobs” subreddit — a resume guide.

“It’s like fishing without bait; make a resume on day one of a job hunt,” he said.

1. Ask yourself a set of questions before getting started

To get in the right mindset for writing your resume, start by asking yourself — and answering — a set of questions. According to Jessica Hernandez, founder of North Florida-based Great Resumes Fast, these can include:

What are you most proud of in your professional career? You’ll want to focus on accomplishments rather than specific job duties while filling out your resume. Ask yourself this question about each previous job.

How did you add value — efficiency, cost saving or just happiness — to the company at which you last worked? Recruiters and HR managers want to see quantifiable results when they look at your previous positions. Did a process you implemented lead to a 10% growth in sales?

Can you explain what you actually did at your previous positions? For recruiters, clarity is king when it comes to describing your previous positions. Explain to a friend what you did at a previous job — do they understand your role? Avoid jargon and cliches.

2. Block out time to write your resume

Whip out that bullet journal, planner or even your Google calendar and carve out a specific time frame — an hour or two — and sit down and write. Just think: If you don’t have a resume, you can’t get a job and you won’t get paid.

“Don’t wait because you’re nervous about rejection or [have a] fear of failure. Decision paralysis can be a killer when you’re overly worried about bad outcomes.”

3. Spend time poring over the job description/listing

Grab a red pen or highlighter, print out the job description and start highlighting words or phrases you see repeatedly. Once you’ve done that, circle the ones you know you have in common with the description.

For example, if you see “analytical thinker” several times and you consider yourself one, circle that. These will likely be keywords recruiters are looking for on your resume.

4. Reach Out on LinkedIn

Don’t be shy: Make a connection with someone at the company over LinkedIn and ask what key skills or qualities they might be looking for in a candidate. This will help you bolster those keywords.

“I actually did this, but didn’t until after a month or two of searching,” said Garcia-Cooper. “It was super helpful to pick someone’s brain who hires people or got hired for a similar job that you would want; they obviously did something right.”

5. Tweak your resume based on the jobs you’re applying for

Your resume should not be static. That is, you should be customizing it for each job you are chasing.

Garcia-Cooper applied for jobs in a variety of industries, which means he had to tailor his resume for each position. This isn’t uncommon, and you should be prepared to tweak your resume based on the position and keywords in each job description.

6. Pay someone to write it

This may not seem like much of a tip, but if you want to get right to the job hunt, pay someone else to write your resume. Take it from us, writing is hard, and there are plenty of companies that have sprung up out there offering resume-writing services.

Loren Margolis, CEO of Training & Leadership Success, suggests reading reviews of these companies and asking for resume samples before paying for the service.

“One easy rule to follow: If an agency or individual doesn’t show you their templates up front and explain why — for free — they’d want to make certain decisions on your format, don’t work with them,” McIntosh said.

7. Shell out cash for the design

If you’re not the design-savvy person, it might be worth to pay for a custom template to get you started. Don’t just go with the first free template you find in Microsoft Word.

Garcia-Cooper used Visual CV to design his resume instead of going with a template that’s already out in the wild. This is especially helpful if you’re not the creative type and will incorporate many of the tips we highlight below.

Keep Formatting Simple

It might be tempting to add color, graphics or even a headshot to make your resume stand out. But according to resume experts, it’s best to keep it as simple as possible.

You can always add inline links to your LinkedIn profile or personal portfolio on your resume if you want to show off your creative side.

8. Don’t choose a fancy font

Err on the boring side with your font selection. Recruiters are looking for something easy to read that won’t be distracting — think Arial or Georgia, said Margolis.

9. Stick with a classic color scheme

We get it, you want to wow a recruiter or future employer with your creative spark. But you’re not Elle Woods, and as much as it may hurt, you want your accomplishments to speak for themselves. A fancy font can distract from that.

“I’ve seen a lot more color in resumes recently from applicants,” said McIntosh. “But I wouldn’t recommend that. Black and white is always the way to go.”

10. Use bulleted lists under each previous position

Short bullet points will highlight your accomplishments while making it easy for future employers to scan your work history. Also, it should (hopefully) make you mindful of rambling too much about your job history.

Recruiters will spend between six and 10 seconds reading your resume, so you want to make it as skimmable as possible, Margolis said. Short bullet points will highlight your accomplishments while making it easy for future employers to scan your work history.

11. Write in the software you want, but save it as a .pdf

Submitting a Word document of your resume could cause an applicant-tracking system to ignore it and also give recruiters without Microsoft Office a headache. Save your resume as a .pdf to avoid any problems with cross-compatibility.

12. Stick to 1 1/2 pages or less

There is still some disagreement about resume length among HR professionals.

Margolis said it’s OK to write your resume so it ends up longer than one page — but stop at 1 ½. Recruiters are more inclined to read past the first page than they have been in the past, but remember, they’ll still give you only six to 10 seconds.

McIntosh remains in the one-page-only camp.

13. Be aware of white space

Try to let your resume breathe. Add a few carriage returns between sections, or use a template that formats text so it isn’t crammed together.

Your resume is a single document aimed at summing up your entire professional life, so it’s not a surprise that you’ll want to jam as much information into 1 ½ pages as possible. Don’t do it.

“You don’t want a recruiter to get tired reading your resume because it’s filled with so much font,” Margolis said.

14. Consider a website

Since you only have 1 1/2 pages to sum up your career, you might want to consider making a website to expand on your experience — or include your professional portfolio. Make sure it is optimized for mobile devices, since a recruiter might open it on their phone.

“That is a terrific way to showcase not just your resume, but also your background,” Margolis said. “You can create a story about how well qualified you are for the jobs your targeting.”

The Nitty-Gritty: What to Include on Your Resume

15. Think about accomplishments rather than roles and responsibilities

When you’re writing your resume, think more about what you have accomplished at each step of your career rather than what your responsibilities were. Did you edit a daily e-blast or have a hand in launching a first-of-its-kind online newsletter?

If you started with those questions from earlier in this post, you should have a good idea what you accomplished at each position.

16. Keywords are still king

Your resume will likely go through an applicant-tracking system, which will search for those keywords we discussed earlier. Recruiters will do the same as they skim your resume for those six seconds. So include the relevant phrases or words for the job description (those you highlighted and circled earlier) throughout your resume.

“However, while you want to incorporate keywords from the job posting in your resume, my advice is don’t get too crazy,” said Mikaila Turman, a vice president and expert in recruiting at Inflection, an Omaha, Nebraska-based company that uses big data to perform automated background checks.

17. Don’t include the dates in your education section

Regardless of how old you are, you can avoid any chance of age discrimination by excluding dates under the education section of your resume.

“Protect yourself and do not put graduation dates on your resume,” Hernandez said. “It’s pointless to do so.”

18. Consider omitting your first name

Don’t hide your name, but consider using your first initial to avoid any unconscious gender bias as well. McIntosh said this a positive trend he’s noticed in the world of resume-writing.

You should, however, still use your full name in the application and in your email.

19. Eliminate your address

Don’t put your exact address if you’re applying for jobs within the area. The street name and number will just add clutter.

But, what if you’re applying for a job in another state and don’t want to be at a disadvantage due to relocation? In that case, either exclude your location altogether, or add “Moving to:” in front of the city and state of the job to which you are applying.

20. Fill in the gaps

If you were truly unemployed, add a section in which you describe yourself as an independent consultant. Under the description, write that you needed some flexibility to take care of personal matters, McIntosh suggests.

When Garcia-Cooper was job hunting, he was working for his father’s landscaping businesses. But he didn’t include that on his resume because he didn’t think it was applicable experience.

He could have included it, one recruiter told him, because it shows that he was always working.

“I remedied this by realizing that there was relevant experience in almost all of my previous jobs,” he said. “It just came down to framing it correctly.”

21. Show some personality with an interests section

Including a section in which you list your hobbies and interests will help avoid being seen as a faceless resume and give something for recruiters to connect with.

“If you put “Seinfeld,” I promise someone will ask you what your favorite episode of Seinfeld is — (mine’s ‘The Soup Nazi’),” McIntosh said.

22. Don’t be afraid of life links

In the past, including links in your resume might trigger a spam filter through certain email clients, so human resources experts advised against including them. That’s changed, said Hernandez, and including links to your LinkedIn, personal website or portfolio can add depth to your resume without making it too long.

“I would say this very important — especially in 2019,” she said.

23. Get rid of the objective

Consider skipping the objective section at the top of your resume, which just takes up valuable space.

“The truth is, your objective is painfully obvious,” said Heather Rothbauer-Wanish, owner of Feather Communications, a resume-writing business in Wisconsin. “In fact, you wouldn’t be sending a resume if you didn’t want a new job.”

24. Be specific and avoid cliches

There’s nothing more grating for a recruiter than reading a mealy-mouthed jumble of cliches. And with the algorithms within applicant-tracking systems searching for specific words and phrases, it’s always best to be as specific and clear as possible in position titles, accomplishments and job responsibilities.

25. Avoid pronouns and use action verbs

Avoid using “I” or “me” while writing your resume. Use action verbs like “built” or “launched” at the beginning of bullet points.

“Resumes are like no other document you’ll ever write in that you’re supposed to sound like a caveman,” said Margolis.

26. Don’t try to quantify skills

Hernandez said you should avoid terms such as “proficient,” “experienced” and “skilled in” when describing software or skills. If you have some experience in Excel, just put “Excel” next to a bullet point in your skills section.

Make It Bulletproof: Proofread Your Resume

27. Print out your resume in a huge font size

You’ll probably read through your resume so many times on your computer screen that your eyes will cross. Printing it out will help you catch mistakes you might otherwise overlook.

Pro-tip: Use a much larger font to help yourself identify mistakes even more. There’s no quicker way for a resume to end up in the trash than being riddled with grammatical or spelling errors.

“Reading aloud is helpful, too,” said Margolis.

28. Have a friend read your resume

Ask one (or many) of your friends to read through your resume to try and catch any mistakes. You should also ask them to read it for clarity.

Does it convey exactly what you have accomplished? Is it clear what value you will bring to the company?

29. Pay a copy editor to read it

Go on Fiverr or Upwork and look for proofreaders or copy editors to take a look at your resume. Since it’s only one page, you’ll likely pay $5 or $10 — which could be worth it to catch a small mistake before a recruiter has a chance to notice it.

30. Use this naming convention for the file

Here’s how you should name your resume file: “[First name] [Last name] [Resume].pdf”. It will help recruiters identify whose resume they are looking at right away.

31. Ask for feedback if you get rejected

Most recruiters will be happy to provide feedback on your resume if you don’t happen to land that job you were chasing. In fact, that’s how Garcia-Cooper learned he should avoid leaving gaps in his work history.

Alex Mahadevan is a data journalist at The Penny Hoarder.

This was originally published on The Penny Hoarder, which helps millions of readers worldwide earn and save money by sharing unique job opportunities, personal stories, freebies and more. The Inc. 5000 ranked The Penny Hoarder as the fastest-growing private media company in the U.S. in 2017.

These 31 Tips Will Give Your Resume an Edge in the 2019 Job Market published first on https://justinbetreviews.tumblr.com/

[afishwithfeathers]

The Murphys Versus The Zombies

A few years ago, on a Sunday in December, I watched “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” followed by an episode of “The Walking Dead.”  It got me thinking about how interesting it might be if a white bread suburban family were living in a zombie apocalypse.  I worked on the screenplay for a while, but after “Fear The Walking Dead” came out, I decided to abandon it.  Here are some fun highlight moments.  Enjoy.  

FADE IN:  INT.  SUBURBAN KITCHEN - DAY

The camera weaves through a sunny, pleasant suburban kitchen.  No one is home.  A sign reading “Bless This Mess” hangs over the sink.  Happy family photos are attached to the refrigerator with plastic fruit-shaped magnets.  It’s a nice kitchen, one suggesting a nice family living a nice life.  

After a moment, the phone rings.  The answering machine picks up.  The recorded voices are perky, friendly, carefree.  

BILL:  You’ve reached Bill. KATE:  Kate. AMANDA:  Amanda. DAVEY:  And Davey.  And we’re- ALL FOUR:  The Murphys!   KATE:  Leave a message.  

After a quick beep, we hear grotesque sounds of monsters groaning, chomping, screams, mayhem, police sirens, the end of the world.  

MAN:  It’s the zombies!  They’re everywhere!  Everywhere!  Get out!  Get out while you still can!  GET OUT BEFORE THEY-  

The man suddenly screams in pain!  The connection is abruptly cut off.  The sound of the ring tone continues as we dissolve to the title:  

                     THE MURPHYS VERSUS THE ZOMBIES

Cut to:  

EXT.  HIGHWAY – DAY

A wood paneled station wagon sits stalled out on a highway road, the only car for miles.  It is surrounded by four ravenous zombies.  

INT.  CAR - DAY

The family inside is freaking out, screaming, terrified.  BILL (46), a congenial suburban dad is in the driver’s seat.  Next to him is KATE, his perky wife (42).  

In the backseat are petulant teenager AMANDA (16), nerdy tween DAVEY (11) and the mostly useless, mildly disgusting GRANDPA (71).  

The zombies press their faces up to the windows, hungry for brains.  Inside the car, it’s pure chaos.  Everyone is talking all at once.  Bill attempts to get the car started.  

KATE:  Just drive, Bill!  Drive!   BILL:  Don’t you think I’m trying, mother?!   GRANDPA:  They’re getting closer!   DAVEY:  Shoot the fuckers!   KATE:  Davey, language!  

A zombie attempts to reach through the window to get at Amanda, who struggles desperately to roll the window up.

GRANDPA:  Quick!  Roll it up!   AMANDA:  I can’t!  It’s stuck!   KATE:  Everyone just calm down- BILL:  Panic isn’t going to solve anything-

One zombie has reached through the window and has managed to grab a hold of Amanda’s hair.  The girl begins to seriously freak out.

AMANDA:  NOW IT HAS MY HAIR!!  

EXT.  FOREST – DAY

Later, Bill and Kate sit, relaxed, at a picnic table.  They talk to an (off-camera) interviewer.

KATE:  Raising a family in a zombie apocalypse is a challenge.  No question about it.  

EXT.  FOREST CLEARING - DAY

Family mealtime.  The Murphys sit together on a blanket on the ground, quietly saying grace.  Each person has a single can of ravioli in front of them, the lid crudely hinged open.    

KATE (VOICE OVER):  I’m Kate Murphy.   BILL (VOICE OVER):  And I’m Bill Murphy.  I used to be in sales…  

INSERT SHOT:  Photo of an awards banquet, where Bill is receiving a plaque.  

BILL (VOICE OVER):  I was regional number one in sales, three years running.  

EXT.  FOREST - DAY

Amanda stands alone, filing her nails, bored.

KATE (VOICE OVER):  And we have two lovely children.  Amanda is sixteen.  And Davey is eleven…  

After a moment, Davey approaches, hiding something behind his back.  

DAVEY:  Hey, sis?   AMANDA:  (annoyed)  What? DAVEY:  BLAH!  

He suddenly thrusts a disembodied arm at her.  She screams, and he roars with laughter.  

KATE (OFF CAMERA):  Put that arm down this instant, young man! DAVEY:  (whinny)  Aw, but mom… KATE (OFF CAMERA):  No but’s, young man! BILL (OFF CAMERA):  Listen to your mother!  

EXT.  ROAD – DAY

The station wagon travels down a small town road.  There are no other humans present. It looks like a war zone.  Homes have been abandoned.  Trash is everywhere.  A car sits parked on the sidewalk, on fire.  A zombie crawls slowly across a lawn.  

BILL (VOICE OVER):  We’re always on the go.  A day here.  A week there.  We keep moving. KATE (VOICE OVER):  We’re hoping to find the safe zone.  A place where survivors are.   BILL (VOICE OVER):  Or just find any other human survivors…  So far, nothing.  Nada.  Zip.    

INT.  STATION WAGON – NIGHT

The exhausted family rides along, depressed, tired, silent.  They all wear “snuggies.”  

BILL (VOICE OVER):  In the meantime, we’re committed to our normal way of life.  

EXT.  CAMPFIRE – NIGHT

The Murphys sit in a circle around the campfire.  Davey plays a song on his trombone.  They listen politely and applaud when he finishes.  

KATE (VOICE OVER):  Absolutely.  We want to preserve our way of life as much as possible.  

EXT.  FOREST - DAY

Bill and Kate are interviewed.    

BILL:  I mean, sure.  You have to make some adjustments.  No doubt about it.   KATE:  We’ve been home schooling the kids.  

She laughs.  

KATE:  Well, naturally…  There are no schools.   BILL:  There’s no more people, mother.   KATE:  I mean, I tell the kids, just because there’s a zombie apocalypse, that’s still no excuse not to learn fractions.  

INT.  KITCHEN - DAY

Kate and Davey sit together at the kitchen table.  They are reviewing his math homework.  

They pay no attention to Bill, who is fighting off a pair of zombies at the kitchen sink.  Just another day for the Murphys.   Bill grabs a rolling pin, the kind used to make piecrusts.  He swings it at the first zombie, knocking its head right off its shoulders.

BILL (VOICE OVER):  We had found a house that we thought we could stay in…  Turns out we couldn’t.  So we’re on the move.  Again...  

The second zombie jumps at Bill, who stabs it in the head with a Mickey Mouse-themed spatula.  Down the creature goes.  

EXT.  REST STOP - DAY

Handheld shot of Kate showing various items she has collected in a cardboard box.

KATE:  These are Hallmark cards.  People would give them to each other for birthdays, holidays, what have you.  And this is a catalog from Williams Sonoma…  My Jell-O molds…

She reviews what else is inside the box.  

KATE:  I don’t want all of western civilization to go to H.E. Double Hockey Sticks.  And to that end, I’ve taken it upon myself to collect and preserve important artifacts from our way of life, for future generations and what not.  

She holds up a DVD of “Love, Actually.”  

KATE:  My favorite!...  Here’s some more.  “The Notebook” on DVD...  A menu from the Olive Garden…  These books have the artwork of Mr. Norman Rockwell and Mr. Thomas Kincaid…  

EXT.  FOREST - DAY

Davey sit at the picnic table being interviewed.  

DAVEY:  How old am I?  I have no idea...  I think I’m twelve now.  We’ve sort of lost track of the days.  (He shrugs.)  Maybe I’m still eleven…  

EXT.  FOREST - DAY

Bill and Kate are interviewed.  

KATE:  We realized that poor Amanda never got to have her high school prom.  Because everyone died.   BILL:  We felt bad.  About the prom.  And all the death.   KATE:  So we decided to throw her one.  

EXT.  FOREST CLEARING - DAY

A section of the forest has been crudely decorated for a makeshift prom.  Cardboard decorations have been attached to the trees.  

Amanda approaches, apparently coming back from a walk.  Bill and Kate go to her, excited.  

AMANDA:  What’s going on? KATE:  It’s your prom, honey! BILL:  Surprise!   AMANDA:  I don’t get it.   BILL:  You never got your high school prom.  So we’re throwing you one!   AMANDA:  I- KATE:  And here’s your handsome prom date!  

Amanda turns to see old Grandpa standing nearby, waiting, smiling at her.  He wears a black tuxedo jacket over his normal clothes and holds a random selection of flowers in his hand.  They were apparently put together from whatever was available.  

He’s smiling, attempting to pour on the charm.  But he’s just as off-putting and disgusting as ever.  Amanda looks like she’s going to be sick.

KATE:  Welcome to your prom!   AMANDA:  Mom, Dad, I don’t think-

Kate turns to Davey, who stands off to the side, trombone in hand.  

KATE:  Play some music, Davey. DAVEY:  Like what? KATE:  A nice waltz.  Something romantic.   DAVEY:  A what?!   KATE:  A nice waltz.  You know… DAVEY:  I don’t know any. KATE:  Well, just play what you know.  Play anything.  

After a moment, Davey begins playing “The 1812 Overture” on his trombone.  

Grandpa hands Amanda the flowers.  She looks down at them, unsure of where to put them or what to do.  After a moment, she shrugs and tosses them indifferently on the ground.              

KATE:  OK, kids.  Time for the first dance.    

Amanda and Grandpa begin to slow dance awkwardly to the music.  The whole thing seems too bizarre for words.  Still, Bill and Kate are very pleased.  They watch from the sidelines, satisfied with what they’ve created.

AMANDA (VOICE OVER):  I’d be lying if I said that this was how I always imagined my high school prom would be.  Grandpa smelled, for starters…  

EXT.  FOREST - DAY

Amanda is interviewed alone, later.  

AMANDA:  …But then I saw something that really surprised me...  

EXT.  FOREST CLEARING - DAY

As Amanda dances, she looks over at her parents, watching from off to the side.  Bill and Kate are standing together, holding each other, smiling and watching, very happy.  

AMANDA (VOICE OVER):  It was the look in my parent’s eyes…  They were smiling.  And I hadn’t seen them smile like that in a long time.  A very long time…  

SOUND:  Davey’s trombone music fades down, slowly replaced by a lush orchestral waltz.  

Bill and Kate continue to watch, very pleased.  They don’t notice how struck Amanda is by their reaction.  

AMANDA (VOICE OVER):  They went to so much trouble.  I guess they wanted a moment when things were normal.  For all of us.  For me.  It was their gift to me…  

Amanda turns back to Grandpa and smiles, trying to make the best of it.  

AMANDA (VOICE OVER):  And so I decided that my gift to them would be to enjoy it.

Bill and Kate look on from a distance, very satisfied.  Finally, the Murphys are enjoying a moment of normalcy, of happiness, of togetherness.   Amanda and Grandpa continue to dance.  Camera pulls slowly back and up.  A moment passes.

DAVEY (VOICE OVER):  …What do I miss most, now that the world is over?  That’s a hard one...  Not church!...  Video games, probably.  That, and the Disney Channel...  

KATE (VOICE OVER):  …My Kenmore dryer…  And my washer.  Both of them, actually.  Those were quality appliances, yes sir...  And the bread maker...  

BILL (VOICE OVER):  …The Electoral College…  Ha!  Just kidding!...  I guess my answer would be bowling every Thursday night with the Petersons…  My blue Prius…  NPR...  

AMANDA (VOICE OVER):  …Going out with my friends to the mall.  And my friends.  And malls…  

Amanda and Grandpa continue to dance.  

DISSOLVE TO:  

EXT.  FOREST ROAD - DAY

The Murphy’s wood paneled station wagon (seen from the back) sits parked, empty.  On the back is a fading bumper sticker with an image of a zombie in a circle with a line drawn through.

BILL (VOICE OVER):  What does the future hold?  Who can say?  It’s my hope that one day, we’ll find the safe zone…  

After a moment, the Murphys appear.  They slowly approach the car, tired and silent.  They get in and close the doors.  Bill starts up the engine.  

BILL (VOICE OVER):  And then we can rebuild society.  Until then, well, we have each other.  We’re the Murphys.  And we endure.  

The car heads down the road, into the distance until finally it disappears from view.    

After a moment, about half way down the road, a lone male zombie appears from the forest.  He stumbles across the road and then slowly disappears into the trees.  

FADE OUT.