#but its still healthy bc we communicate when we can and make plans and express excitement over them

[whoneedssexed]

Hello, I just need som advice.

I've been with my bf for 6 yrs now and I've lately been getting irritated or just tired of dealing with him... such as him wanting to be at my home alot such as our routine is staying in and watch TV and eating and while this is nice, I have more of a wild side and want to go out and he gives me a bit of attitude and hesitancy but is willing at times. He asks me to do thing he doesn't do to me such as sweet talk ? And it bothers me bc I have asked him to do better with that as my love language is words of affirmation, he "tried" but hardly . And lately he will cancel plans or make a big deal out of small fights like we could be arguing and I tell him my perspective and he'll cancel plans which throws me off bc we don't really argue alot and usually still act mature to continue with your plans . Even with sex, its a constant effort to ask him, I understand not eveyone has the same sex drive but when I bring it up he just say I'm fine but I always do it for you and when I express that it doesn't really make me feel good bc it feel like im pressuring him that I need him to atleast try to initiate it he just doesn't and says he'll "try " which never happens. A week ago he was sick so I didnt see him for a whole week and that was probably the first time I didn't feel anxious or upset that I wasn't gonna see him, I felt really okay and I made plans with my friends and just did things on my own which wasn't as hard as it used to be. I took a yr to be truly alone as I was going thru some friendship problems, and I think now I'm really okay with being alone which is weird and I think its making me second guess my relationship bc I used to believe you have to be somewhat obsessed with your partner and obiv now I know thats not normal but I also feel like I lost this connection I have with my bf bc I get more irritated if we constantly have the same plans or routines. And I guess I'm just tired of asking for better ? I do love him and I know he's a really great guy, he's my best friend but now im not sure if this relationship is still giving me what I need. im not sure if I'm over reacting or reading to much into it..im happy that we can both be independent together but I also am feeling a off bc what if this means our relationship is fizzling out . Also how do you talk to someone who doesn't really know how to communicate their feelings or not take everything like an attack..pls if any advice about long term relationships and healthy attachment styles would be appreciated,

It sounds like you might be getting tired of each other, or even simply not a good fit. Both of these are normal and not everything always works out.

He doesn't want to go out any more, and "gives you attitude" if you insist on it. He has stopped reciprocating your love language. And he seems to find little reasons to cancel things and dwells on fights. This sounds like he's just as irritated as you are.

I do want to note a few things, though:

1) If you understand everyone has different sex drives, why ARE you pestering him about his?

If he's not interested and doesn't want to, then you need to drop it. If you can't handle that he "doesn't rise to the challenge", then that may be a sign you guys aren't a good fit - sometimes, majorly differing drives can't be overcome, and that's normal.

However, if he's saying he's okay with doing it if you want to, but isn't strongly for or against it, that's also just how some people are. Some people just don't initiate, too; a lot of people aren't "up for it" until someone else brings it up. It doesn't mean they feel pressured or hate it. Again, if that's not something you like, and he isn't budging in making a common ground in this point, then you guys might not work out.

2) It's very normal to work independently of each other. In fact, it's even healthier to do that. Hanging on each other can wear on the nerves a lot, which both of you might be feeling. That is, you're suffocating under each other, which makes you both snappy and irrational.

All that aside, if you're needing him to do things he just can't, or won't, do, it's… probably time to end it. Which I know is not what you want to hear. But, it's worth looking into whether it's a matter of you guys just needing more space and independence with each other so you're not smashed together all the time.

Regardless, here are some resources that you have asked for and those related:

21 Bits of Relationship Advice From People In Long-Lasting Relationships

12 Tips for Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationships

6 Tips for Maintaining a Healthy Long-Term Relationship

7 Secrets to a Healthy, Long-Lasting Relationship

7 Golden Rules of Long-Term Relationships, From Couples of Nearly Four Decades

25 Relationship Tips for a Long, Lasting Love

6 Tips to Keep Long-Term Relationships Exciting

20 Keys to a Successful Long Term Relationship?

Scarleteen also has a section for articles and advice about relationships, and Planned Parenthood also has a few answers on their relationships section.

How Attachment Styles Affect Adult Relationships

Secure attachment style in relationships explained

Secure Attachment - from Childhood to Adult Relationships

If You Want a Happy Relationship, These Are the Qualities to Look For

The Different Types of Attachment Styles

How to develop a secure attachment style so that you can have healthier, more loving relationships

What is Secure Attachment and How Does it Develop?

What Types of Attachment are Healthy and Unhealthy?

What is Secure Attachment?

Secure Attachment: What Does it Look and Feel Like in Relationships?

Attachment Styles & Their Role in Relationships

Creating a Secure Attachment With Your Partner

Which of These Four Attachment Styles is Yours?

How Adult Relationships Benefit from Secure Attachment

10 Signs of a Securely Attached Partner

-Mod BP

[kinktae]

beyond the story: bitchin’

Hi friends! I hope you are all staying safe and healthy during these tough times! I really wanted to put something out there as a thank you to just how much support Bitchin’ got. You guys really are incredible. So, although this story has come to an end, I wanted to properly close the Bitchin’ chapter by giving you all a behind the scenes look at Bitchin’ and everything that went into writing it. This includes hidden easter eggs, backstories, alternative plot-lines, and a short drabble of the Bitchin’ cast 10 years after the story’s end.

Without further ado, please enjoy and thank you again for all your love. You have all of mine.

CHAPTER ONE – PARTNERS

Ah, yes, the start of this whole wild ride. I’ve always loved the whole nerd/popular person trope in fanfics, so it was only a matter of time before I tried my hand at it too. One thing I was adamant about was not making this a “popular person turns nerd hot/confident/better” fic as its kind of one of my least favorite cliches. With that in mind, and knowing that I was going to allude to TATBILB’s contract, I decided that I wanted Y/N to gain as much from the deal as Jungkook did. No blackmail, no just agreeing for the hell of it – Y/N was going to further herself and her dreams given the opportunity.

The beginning of the chapter is where the two are most separated and dissimilar throughout the whole story. It wasn’t that they were fundamentally different, it was that they approached life differently. Y/N was frustrated at how superficial Jungkook seemed, because she believes there is much more to life than just kicking your feet up and cracking jokes.

On the other hand, Jungkook didn’t understand why Y/N was so tense and on guard. To him, life was meant to enjoy and not take so seriously. Which makes sense, given that he grew up with minimal rules and minimal worries (bare minimum partners wassup !) 

“So, do we have a deal? Partners?” There was mischievous timber to his words, the kind that made you feel as if this would all later come back to bite you in the ass.

Pushing that pestering thought away, you took his hand into yours, holding his eyes as you gave it a firm shake.

“Partners.”

God, this bit. I knew from the minute I wrote it that I was writing the ending of bitchin’ along with it. I knew this was exactly how I was going to end this story, bc the word partners has multiple means right? In chapter 1, this meant business partners, but in the final chapter… it means life partners. Idk, I’m just still really happy with this writing decision :D

CHAPTER TWO – THE CONTRACT

Dearest Yara. We meet her in chapter two don’t we? Yara is completely based off of my irl best friend Yara who is a writer and who helped me A LOT with this story. She was my biggest supporter throughout figuring out this crazy plot. It was initially only about seven parts, but with her help I managed to bump it up to 10! Everybody say thank you Yaraaaa.

You were angry, that much was evident to her. Yara was sat in your shared dorm’s living room, a thick blanket engulfing her small frame. You briefly glanced towards the TV, it was tuned into MTV, the familiar music video of Every Breath You Take by The Police playing, before directing your glare back onto the copper-haired girl.

The song reference is a direct allusion to writer Yara’s fic, which is one of my favorite fics by her. She was actively writing it around the start of our friendship so it only felt right to pay respects to her. The introduction of her character felt necessary imo bc I wanted to make sure Y/N had a life outside Jungkook. Plus, I got to use the scenes between the two girls as a way to reference the music and culture scene. Yara is especially a fan of the powerful women in the music industry at the time, i.e., Madonna, Annie Lennox, Cyndi Laupner, etc.) Yara is a raging feminist and believer in sexual freedom and libery for women, we do in fact have to stan.

“How old do you think your sister is?”

“Hey, don’t sass me. For your information, Lyanna still has all her Care Bear tapes. She threw a hissy fit when my mom tried to give them away last Christmas.” Yara recalled.

Lyanna is one of writer Yara’s past pseudonyms. She always used to joke about how whenever she read it, it was confusing because there was Y/N, Yara and Lyanna, which were technically all her lolol.

FUNNY STORY ABOUT THE CONTRACT I INSERTED INTO THIS PICTURE… Twitter found it and made it into somewhat of a meme because no one knew it came from a fic rip. I was actually rly embarrassed and even wrote some posts about how much twitter scared me on my blog LMAO. but THEN weirdly enough, I actually stumbled upon a small community on twitter who actually found my fic and would TWEET ABOUT IT!!! LIKE REACTIONS TO EACH UPDATE!!! I wish I could go back in time and remember how giddy I was the first time I found a tweet about my fic. The fanfic community on twitter gave me a new love for the site (which I had previously had removed myself from because of its toxicity) and I have met so many wonderful people because of it. People even made themselves a little twitter group chat to talk about my fics, and now we are all friends! I miss posting a chapter of bitchin’ and refreshing my twitter feed as all my mutuals would post memes and live tweet their reactions. God that made me so fucking happy.

CHAPTER THREE – THE ROLLERSKATING DATE

I love the bickering in this chapter, because unlike the bickering in the first chapter, it’s actually less hostile and more playful. Y/N is slowly letting her guard down to the very persistently charming Jungkook.

“Woah. Family of six, huh? So you have siblings then.” He noted.

“Yep. Three.”

“Tell me about them.”

Looking up from where you were slipping on your second skate, you met Jungkook’s eyes, surprised to see genuine interest in them.

I actually originally had Y/N brush him off here. I was going to wait until the drunk party scene for Y/N to open up about her family and relationship with her sisters. But then I kind of thought to myself… Why? Y/N made peace with it and doesn’t hold onto those insecurities anymore. And objectively, Jungkook hasn’t proven himself to be a bad person so… I let Y/N open herself up to him.

“Then there’s the twins, Rosa and Lia.”

“Hold on. Twins? Wait… did they go to our high school?” Jungkook asked, his interest in this conversation doubled.

“Yep. They were two grades above us.” You confirmed.

“Oh shit, yeah, I remember your sisters, they were mad hot.” Jungkook let out a low whistle, before stiffening, flashing you an apologetic look. “Uh, in a totally non-meathead way.”

You offered the scared-looking boy a small smile, shaking your head.

Some of y’all notice but, Rosa and Lia are a blatant homage to my name: Roselia. ACTUALLY some form of my name can be found in every one of the rewind series fics, including upcoming ones. I’ll give a cookie to whoever can find every single mention hehe.

“I told you it was dumb.” You laughed nervously.

It wasn’t that you cared much about what Jungkook thought but you had a feeling a guy like him, who was popular and carefree, wouldn’t be able to sympathize in the way you would like him to.

“No, I’m just… surprised, that’s all.”

Jungkook certainly was surprised. You had built up quite the impression on him from the very moment you two met. It was hard to imagine that the girl who was so unapologetically herself was ever unsure or insecure.

Somehow, the idea tugged at his heart, as if he understood you more if only just a little.

From the get go, Jungkook was extremely drawn to just how confident and secure Y/N was in herself. I knew I wanted Y/N to be unapologetically sure of herself and in her abilities. Something I didn’t want, however, was for frat boy!jungkook’s only personality traits to be liking sex and being a cocky bastard (although I am a big consumer of that trope heh). Jungkook is actually canonly incredibly insecure. He lacks a real sense of self, which is why he is so desperate for Kiri back. His relationship with Kiri at that time was a big part of what he thought was himself. He has somewhat of low self esteem tbh which is why he’ll go back to a woman who treated him unfairly. That’s why he comes off the way he does in the first chapter and why Y/N thinks he has a big ego... he’s overcompensating. He finds it so endlessly fascinating that Y/N, in all her confident glory, was actually once super insecure. He admires her all the more once she opens up about her past.

“Oh, Rosa is an intern for our hometown’s newspaper but between you and me those assholes don’t even let her write. She does coffee and burger runs for men in charge. And Lia sells ice cream at the mall.”

“What about your brother?” Jungkook asked.

“He’s training to be a cop just like my dad.”

“And your mom?”

“She works at a convenience store.”

All their careers resemble people in the latest Stranger Things season (Nancy, Steve, Hopper, and Joyce). Fun Cameo there.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered, following his eyes.

“October 16th, 1985. 6:48PM.”

“Yes. That’s today’s date and time. What about it?” You pressed, growing confused.

“Remember it.” He warned.

“Why?”

“It’s when I fell in love with you.”

This iconic line I actually got from the real Jeon Jungkook himself. While Jungkook wasn’t actually in love with Y/N here, it certainly was a cute way for him to express his admiration for her.

OH HERE’S A FUN FACT: the hickey scene at the end of this chapter where JK and Y/N kiss for the first time was actually supposed to be Yara giving Y/N the hickey like the best friend she is. Ultimately I went with JK giving it for... smut purposes... ≖‿≖ 

CHAPTER FOUR – THE HALLOWEEN PARTY

The decision for Y/N to be Freddie Krueger came from me planning to be him for Halloween. And I was! JK as Glen Lantz just followed naturally. I’ve seen some great edits of him as the character. Truly chef’s kiss.

I really liked that Jungkook came over to the girl’s dorm to get ready. I didn’t want a scene where Y/N was thrown into a situation she was uncomfortable with which is how much Nerd At A Party Scene go so made sure Jungkook stayed by her side throughout the part, going out of his way to introducing her to the people he cared about.

Tae’s character came in when I realized I needed a way to actually put Y/N’s event in motion. He was the missing link and BOY did you guys eat his character right up huh. Love that for me.

Another thing, the confrontation with Kiri was so hard to write guys, I reeaaaally struggle with girl conflict. GIRLS SHOULD SUPPORT GIRLS. However, not everyone gets along in real life so I went with Kiri being more along the lines of petty rather than outwardly a cunt to Y/N. Realistically, Kiri is popular and well liked among the greek life so being unkind to someone she hardly knows wouldn’t make sense. There’s definitely tension between these two but I tried my best to steer away from the typical cat fight/revenge porn/public humiliation trope most movies seem to follow.

CHAPTER FIVE – THE FIRST TIME

Introduction to Erik!!!! It was really important to me that Y/N had a life before Jungkook. That's why I wrote in Y/N having a fiancé. She’s not opposed to love, she just has reshifted her focus. She knows what she wants and is choosing to focus on that, which why when she realizes she’s falling for Kookie she’s so hesitant to admit it because she’s fallen down that road before. Even though Jungkook treats her with respect and acknowledges the parts of her she’s most proud of, she just isn’t willing to possibly give up her passions for love. Which is why she doesn’t immediately confess to him, even once she’s sure she loves him.

“I’m serious, nerd. You’re like… um… the sun!” Jungkook marveled, eyes growing full as the realization dawned on him.

“The sun?” You laughed.

“Yeah, like… you’re this bright, beautiful thing that seems like it’s here in front of me but is really light-years away.”

Jungkook was drunk, and although you were sure he was making more sense in his head, you couldn’t help but feel your face grow hot, unsure of how to react to his drunk analogy.

“You’re the sun, Y/N. You make the world turn for you. Never orbit for anyone else.”

And suddenly, you were kissing him, for no other reason other than you wanted to and that it felt like the right thing to do.

No real commentary here. Just love this bit. It’s probably my favorite interaction between them two ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 

“Also… She’s, uh, currently dating Eunwoo.” You told Yara.

Your best friend blinked, silence falling over her.

“Yara?”

“Good for her.” She perked up almost forcibly. “Let her put up with his annoying ass.”

Yara could see the way your expression had turned dubious as if you didn’t believe her nonchalant act.

Yara turned up her nose defensively, “What?”

Ugh yes, some character development from Yara.... the flavor ! Yara (much like Y/N and JK) also struggles with love. She has a real fear of commitment and if far more comfortable with casual sex than relationships. She did develop actual feelings for Eunwoo, she just wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment so she cut him off. Fleed the scene if you will. Typical gemini smh my head.

"I don’t think the contract mentioned orgasms.” Jungkook smirked as you released his thumb.

“I say we let it slide.” You shrugged, leaning into him casually.

“You think?”

“Totally. Think of it as… a bonding activity.” You joked, resting your chin on his shoulder, peering up through your lashes.

“Damn, we’re really committed to this fake dating thing, huh.”

You laughed in the way that you hated, but Jungkook loved; it was loud and abrupt, but it genuine, and it was you.

“What can I say, I’m a method actor.” You sighed dramatically, causing Jungkook to grin before pressing a kiss to your nose, simply because he liked the way it always seemed to make you smile.

GOD THEY’RE SO WHIPPED FOR EACH OTHER ITS DISGUSTING!!!!!! I’m really happy I decided not to make sleeping together a big deal and I got a lot of feedback from you guys agreeing! I had a lot of fun with these two’s sex scenes knowing they could do it whenever they wanted.

CHAPTER SIX – THE STEM EVENT

I started the scene with smut BUT I wanted to point out that much of their time spent together is at Y/N dorm, Jungkook either napping, hanging out or doing work as Y/N would study like she always did. I liked the idea that Jungkook would get bored and would want attention from Y/N because she was so focused. Idk, I just wanted to write a love story about two people spending time together and figuring out how they fit in each other’s lives as opposed to some dramatic I mEeT HiM aNd mY LiFe bEcAmE cRaZy. There’s nothing wrong with that plot line, I just didn’t want that for these two dorks. I wanted Y/N to interact with JK’s scene and crowd but not give up her own which is why most days JK and her just lounged around in her dorm studying.

Also, I don’t know how the teacher/student roleplay made it into the smut, it just did, no further questions (ʃ⌣́_⌣́ƪ).

Then the event scene.

“You’re whipped, dude! Seriously.”

Jungkook felt his face go red, “Shut up, no, I’m not.”

“Hey, I’m not judging. I get it. That’s your girl.” Taehyung shrugged. Jungkook placed a hand on the fold up table in front of him, staring down at the information pamphlet you had worked so hard on.

“She’s just… so fucking driven and passionate about everything she does. Sometimes I look at her, and I’m just like… holy shit, what am I doing with a girl like her? I feel like she’s totally out of my league and being with me is holding her back but— I dunno, man. I just… really like her.” Jungkook revealed, voice growing small.

An unexpected wave of tenderness fell over the two boys, Taehyung throwing an arm over his little brother’s shoulder.

“I’m happy for you, bro.”

Jungkook didn’t know it just yet but dude was talking from the heart and, is in fact, totally whipped :’c

I loved the confrontation scene between the boys and Eunwoo because the boys standing up for Yara really did make everyone feel like a friend group, not just some character who happen to exist at the same time. It wasn’t just Y/N and Yara and one side and the boys on the other. They would all become friends, which is ideal to me. A boyfriend who likes your best friend and considers her a friend so you can all hang out??? Yes please.

Initially, irl Yara and I had noooo clue if Yara would end up with Eunwoo or not. That was actually the original goal actually. But after this chapter four, you guys made it ABUNDANTLY clear that you guys wanted to see Taeyara, despite the two never even meeting! Honestly, it wasn’t until this chapter was written that we decided for sure that Eunwoo was out of the picture for Yara. Part of me really wanted to keep Yara single, but irl Yara insisted on dick and frankly, she’s right. Bitchin’ Yara deserved a shot at love. She definitely has her own story outside of Bitchin’ and will experience a lot of growth in the future.

“God, I know. I do not miss that temper of his.” She chuckled, her words piquing your interest.

“Temper?”

“Oh, yeah. Have you seriously not experienced it yet? He’s got some gnarly anger issues. Not to mention all the lying…” Kiri paused suddenly, straightening up as she flashed you an apologetic look. “Yikes, I’m sorry. I totally should not be telling you this. I’m not trying to be that gross girl that shit talks her ex to his current girlfriend.”

Miss Kiri, Miss Kiri. She really acted up this chapter didn’t she. There was a lot of discussion about whether or not those things she said about Jungkook were true. Which was exactly what I wanted hehe. We come to find out that Kiri had definitely stretched the truth. She really is good at manipulation and understanding how people think and it’s why she is in the role that she is in. Messy queen.

CHAPTER SEVEN – THE ROOFTOP DATE

This entire chapter was inspired by High School Musical with Troy and Gabriella’s rooftop garden scenes. This was my shortest chapter and honestly, probably not my strongest. I definitely went into writing this with zero concept of what I actually wanted to happen. Usually when I write my chapters I have a 4k long outline of it beforehand that I go off of. Not this one though. I really just winged it and I tried my best to write a chapter that really showed off (dialogue wise) just how this couple bounces off each other. I do really like some of the banter they have in this chapter.

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considered his words.

Yellow acacias stands the value of true friendship and can indicate a secret love! I thought that was very appropriate given these dummies' relationship.

“So, you probably know why I brought you here.”

You nodded.

“You’re proposing, right?”

“Yeah, I– oh, shut up.” He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

Even though I knew they were going to have a semi serious talk, what with Y/N asking about what Kiri had told her, these two dufuses realistically are just too comfortable with each other to stay serious for too long.

“Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn’t really mean it. I’m sure she’ll come crawling back soon.” You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

“Even if that’s true, I’m not entirely sure I want that anymore.”

“What?” You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

“What about us?” He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

“What about us?”

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

MORE FUN FACTS LMFAO: I typically do this thing with unplanned chapters where I just go for it and write and usually it works out. But when I wrote this down I remember stopping and being like ??? WHY DID I JUST WRITE THAT ??? I don’t like deleting my writing so I had a serious think to myself about whether this was going to be the moment Jungkook confessed or not.

Canonly, I decided that Jungkook did in fact mean ‘us’ in a romantic sense, but because of the way you perceivably panicked at that possible meaning, he decided against taking the conversation in that direction, instead speaking about ‘us’ in a platonic sense. Poor kookie :(

“Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you’re a fucking great guy, okay? You’re charismatic and funny and care about your friends… sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You’re a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you’re capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection.”

Jungkook watched the way the sun’s orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“…It doesn’t matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

It’s in this moment that Jungkook decides that there is no way you hold the same affection towards him that he does to you. He mistakes your words of comfort as you pushing him away. You are so kind and encouraging and Jungkook loves you so much that hearing you insist about him ending back up with Kiri hurts him so bad.

But you are still unsure about your feelings and genuinely believe that's still what Jungkook wants. You’re just being a supportive friend!! :( It isn’t until the end of this chapter when Y/N has her talk with Yara that she realizes, oh man, she’s in deep.

CHAPTER EIGHT – THE MISTAKE

BLAH. This chapter is so BLAH, you know? Having to write this chapter was SO HARD. I texted irl Yara complaining about how much I hated having to put my characters through this and that I wanted to just end the story on chapter 7 and keep them happy forever. BUT ALAS! I had planned for this to happen from the start.

You tasted like the mint of your favorite brand of toothpaste. He imagined if he had caught you any later then the mint would have been accompanied by the taste of coffee, knowing the way you rarely started a day without a cup.

God, he had missed the taste of you.

What you guys didn’t see is Jungkook spending the night with Kiri, and immediately kicking her out, freaking out as the weight of guilt washed over him. He knew he had done nothing wrong, that you weren’t his real girlfriend, and that getting back together with Kiri was exactly what he had signed up for. It was what he should’ve wanted. But it wasn't… because you were what he wanted. And that was exactly what he was going to tell you as he marched over to your apartment.

But he panicked. His mind already decided that your answer to him would be no– that you didn’t feel the same. So he kissed you. He had you in the only way he was allowed to. He was selfish and impulsive and so incredibly scared that he ended up hurting the person he loved the most.

Initially though, I had Jungkook get back together with Kiri, not that he slept with her right before sleeping with Y/N. But I decided TEEHEE let me just make everything erupt into flames. However, I didn’t realize just how angry with Jungkook you guys would get. I remember thinking DAMMIT WAS THAT TOO SCANDALOUS?? I knew I was going to have to work hard for Jungkook to redeem himself to my readers.

“She wants to get back together.” Jungkook swallowed dryly, eyes wavering between yours as if to gauge your reaction.

“…Oh.”

You shook your head.

“I mean, wow! That’s… That’s great!” You smiled, something tearing apart inside you as the words left your lips.

“Y/N–”

“Seriously! This means it worked, right? This is exactly what you wanted to happen.” You enthused, turning your head so that he couldn’t see the way your eyes had welled up.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding in his ears, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around you.

“Yeah… yeah, no, you’re right. We did it.” He replied monotonously.

GOD THIS PART IS SO UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATING! JUST ADMIT YOU LOVE EACH OTHER YOU MORONS! This entire situation is so convoluted because there's so much information missing and not being expressed, I seriously want to ring my own neck rereading this bit.

“Are you mad?” He called out cautiously, a heavy feeling falling onto his chest.

“Why would I be mad?” You quipped back sharply, causing Jungkook to flinch. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

“I just thought… I mean we’ve been fooling around a lot lately, so I didn’t know if—”

“If what? I had feelings for you?” You scoffed. “Please, as if I’d ever fall for you.”

And there it was— everything Jungkook already knew but had been so afraid to hear. Of course, you didn’t feel for him what he felt for you. How could he have expected anything different?

IDIOTS!!! THEY'RE BOTH IDIOTS!!! I don't know how y'all put up with this for so long. Forgive me.

CHAPTER NINE – THE BREAK

Okay I actually love this chapter. And for many reasons. Let me break down the three scenes for you guys.

Scene one: Kiri confrontation

Kiri is definitely an opposing antagonist. She is constantly working against Y/N because of their interests directly conflicting. BUT. I would argue that the biggest antagonist to this story is the inner ones – Y/N and Jungkook's lack of ability to admit their feelings constantly holding them both back from their happy ending. That being said, a confrontation scene between Y/N and Kiri was MUCH needed. While I suppose I can understand why Kiri doesn't like Y/N, that doesn't change the fact that she has been disrespectful and catty. So miss Y/N had to put Miss Kiri in her place (•̀ᴗ•́)

Scene two: Yara and Tae at the library

Fanservice. That is all. LMFAOOO y'all reallllyyy wanted it to happen and who am I to deny my people what they want. It was really fun getting to explore my side characters and develop them through interactions outside the two main characters. IRL Yara also mentioned giving bitchin’ Yara and Tae their own chapter as a joke and I was like LOL BET. I fully was going to but then I got the idea for the next scene and was like ahh ok maybe not the whole chapter.

Scene three: Meeting with Erik

So. This was a SUPER last minute decision. Like, it wasn’t until I was writing this chapter that I planned on Erik making an appearance. I saw a tweet with someone saying their bitchin theories and they mentioned Erik appearing out of nowhere and I was like,,, HOLD ON!!!! That could be kind of spicy ≖‿≖ 

I knew for a fact JK was NOT going to be forgiven in this chapter; I needed a way to lay the situation out between the two dorks without trying to seem like I was trying to sway my audience in a way that didn't make sense to the story. Y/N was rightfully angry. But she wasn't only angry about the timing of the sex. She was angry that Jungkook went back to Kiri at all and there was no way she was going to admit that. So who better to lay it all out than calculated, unbiased third party Erik. He deserved some character development after all.

I also liked the idea that Y/N had, in theory, “romantic options.” Losing Jungkook didn’t mean the end of her life. Having my female lead stand on her own was very important to me.

CHAPTER TEN – THE END

RIGHT OF THE BAT I needed Jungkook to suffer. So that whole scene where he tries to interact with his old group only for his presence to make everything awkward MMMM yes, sweet revenge on my part.

You were surprised. His hair was no longer shaggy and long like you remembered it. Instead, it had been freshly cut, looking healthy and neatly styled for the first time since you met Jungkook.

THE WAY SO MANY PEOPLE COMMENTED ON THIS LINE “but Y/N liked it long?!?”  IS SO FUNNNYyyyy. So let me clarify a thing. Jungkook had always wanted to cut his hair right. The only reason he didn’t was because Y/N told him not to. With Y/N no longer in the picture to convince him out of it, he cut his hair. That’s really all there is to it skfjsjf.

You know, I had written this part around the time I had just finished up the third ch believe it or not. And it was COMPLETELY different. I had it planned that Yara and Y/N ignored him throughout class and Yara had gone back after the bell rang to go verbally assault JK. And as the two hashed it out, only then was that when Jungkook would realize that he liked Y/N after Yara literally spelled it out for him.

“You like her, dumbass!” Was what I had written Yara saying. I really had written him in denial for ten chapters, I was a whole sociopath (╥﹏╥). But ultimately, I decided that Jungkook came to that conclusion on his own and the decision to apologize to Y/N would have been made over winter break.

“You said Kiri came over asking for you back, yet you still came over and slept with me the next day. Even though the two of you had sex the night before. Do you understand how that makes me feel?”

“I’m—”

“Like garbage!" You emphasized, the white paint of the door somehow irritating you further. "I felt like I was something you threw away and picked back up whenever you felt like getting your dick wet.”

Your chest was rising and falling rapidly, and you tried your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you.

“Not to mention to everyone else, it looks like you cheated on me. Which makes me look like a fucking idiot." You scoffed.

Jungkook said nothing in reply, which somehow made it easier to say all you should have said that day in your room.

“It just sucks to realize that someone you once cared about sees you as nothing more than a toy. It fucking sucks.”

Man :( writing this hurt my heart. I really, really, love bitchin!y/n and writing her hurting freaking stinks. But she had to speak her mind. She deserves the chance to get everything off her chest with the way Jungkook hurt her.

Your heart and mind were in constant paradox, torn between wanting him back and wanting him to know just how much he had hurt you. Your mind ultimately won the battle, of course, but as Jungkook stood just a few inches of drywood apart pouring his heart out, it was hard to say which major organ was responsible for your next words.

The creak of the door being pushed open sent Jungkook's eyes wide, revealing your hesitant form. You had your arms crossed over your chest as if to guard the contents inside of it.

You looked like an angel underneath the bathroom's blue fluorescent lights, beautiful and lovely, a stark contrast from your next crushing sentence.

“I slept with Erik.”

Hehe. Ofc my girl Y/N had to have a rebound!!! She knows that life goes on. However, as I wrote in, she definitely regretted it. It was kind of the same situation that Jungkook was in where he pursued something just because it was familiar and a distraction and not because he really wanted it. Both Y/N and Jungkook are flawed characters but that’s okay! If anything, Y/N’s mistake of sleeping with Erik is what allows her to forgive Jungkook. Knowing first hand how complicated their entire relationship really was.

“I don’t need you… but I don’t think I want a life without you.” You finished shyly.

Your eyes were locked with his when suddenly a small noise escaped him, eyes pulling away from yours as his head moved to attempt to hide the way his eyes had grown wet.

I got this line from one of my best friends after her ex broke up with her. It made me physically sad and really sympathize with her so I quickly wrote it down into my notes app to save for later LMAOOOO. Knowing that you are your own person and life will inevitably go on after losing someone, but that your heart still wants and is pleading for the one person you can’t have. SO SAD. I’m happy I got to use this line in one of my fics.

The note Jungkook wrote Y/N,,, imagine him not being able to sleep one night over winter break so he just writes down everything he should have told Y/N while he still had the chance…. I’ll for real cry dude, he’s so cute. Also, the line about him buying you fluffy Halloween socks for Christmas went over people’s heads I think but HECK I THOUGHT THAT WAS SO FUNNY AND SWEET (because Y/N bought Christmas socks when it was Halloween teehee).

"Are you two dorks done crying?" Yara’s voice rang out suddenly, causing both of you to jump apart.

"Yara, you creep! Privacy, dude! Ever try knocking?" You sniffed, wiping at your face hurriedly.

"What? Like you were peeing with Jungkook in the bathroom? Please." She waved you off, walking back into the living room to give you two some privacy. She did say Jungkook had 15 minutes before she’d have to come back in after all. "Anyway, Tae will be over in 10 minutes for the Saved By The Bell marathon that’s on so you guys are more than welcomed to join." She called out from her newly seated position on the couch.

I included this scene with Yara because things were getting too serious for my liking ngl. Plus the idea that the four of them would all come together at the end for a much needed reunion made my happy bitchin heart soar.

Jungkook let out a laugh, his palm finding your cheek, eyes locked on your lips. You were preening for his kiss, mouth parting slightly as you anticipated it.

“Partners?”

The question took you by surprise, eyes widening at your not so pretend lover.

Idiot.

“Partners.” You smiled softly, eyes shiny and brimming with tears as he kissed you for what must have been the millionth time, but still somehow felt like the first.

UGH I LOVE THEM I REALLY DO. I was so happy with how this final scene came out :( They’re partners, they really are I miss these boneheads.

AND NOW, I PRESENT THE CANON FUTURE OF THE BITCHIN UNIVERSE...

10 YEARS LATER

Let’s be honest, Jungkook popped the question the day of graduation, he can’t imagine a life in which you wouldn’t be beside him

You said yes (shocker)

Cue Jungkook being the most wonderful partner and respecting your wish to finish your residency program before having the wedding

You absolutely kick ass at being a neonatal surgeon

Also, Jungkook started a film company! It’s small but he loves what he does and works with colleges and helps out the film majors with resources and equipment <3

SO IT'S THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING RIGHT

Yara and your sisters are helping you get ready, with your best friend as the ever so reassuring maid of honor

And by that I mean you’re as calm as a cucumber and Yara is one wrong move away from having a stroke

“Y/N… Don’t freak out....The catering company put in two orders of shrimp instead of chicken and steak.”

“Yara, it’s okay.”

“NO ITS NOT???? THIS IS YOUR WEDDING DAY AND YOU’RE GETTING CRUSTACEANS.”

Y/N making Yara take a seat and practice some breathing exercises so she doesn’t upset the baby

Oh yeah, Yara is 10 weeks pregnant

Taehyung is the dad lol

Yara and Taehyung have been together ever since that day at the library hehe <3

They moved in together and adopted a cat and everything (sweet boy Tae wanted a dog but Yara’s afraid of dogs and Tae would do anything for that woman so Yeontan the cat it is)

Yara refuses to put a label on their relationship even after all this time, and Tae doesn’t ask for one. They’re happy and dedicated to each other and don’t feel the need to put pressure on something that’s already so perfect

Yara is actually violently in love with Tae but still scoffs when Y/N tries to bring it up

“Oh my god, you’re so in love with him”

“Huh??? you must be sick or something. Get well soon, damn :/”

Yara likes to come up with different labels for Taehyung every time she has to introduce him. Among her favorites are roommate, rent sharer, baby daddy and penis lender

Speaking of Taehyung, he’d have a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder as he tries to calm down the panicking groom to be

“JK, breathe.”

“What if she doesn’t show up? What if she doesn’t want to marry me? What if I pressured her into this and— and I’ve freaked her out and now she hates me?”

“Dude, you guys have been engaged for eight years. She’s had her opportunity to run. She’ll show up.”

Taehyung scruffing up the younger man’s hair reassuringly, which only flusters him more because DAMMIT he wants to look perfect for you and now his hair is messed up >:(

(You like him no matter what his hair looks like though)

Jungkook literally swallowing down a sob as you walk down the aisle and he lays his eyes on you for the first time

You having a dumb smile on your face the entire walk over because your husband to be is crying and you haven’t even exchanged vows yet

The entire audience going all sobby when you finally do exchange vows because they’re so beautiful and real

The ten years together has not been easy— from financial struggles as you tried to support yourself through med school, to personal conflicts when Jungkook wanted to start a family already

But you guys figured it out

You always do

He’s your person. And you are his.

Y/N’s sisters Rosa and Lia are a WRECK— even your dad is tearing up

Your family loves Jungkook and have been counting down the days until you guys married, let’s be honest

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Jungkook punching the air with a “FINALLY!” before kissing the hell out of you

The cutting of the cake inevitably turning into a food fight

The shrimp entrees turning out to be pretty damn good

Yara catching the bouquet and wagging her brows at Taehyung suggestively

Jungkook pulling you aside to take photos of you outside the venue because you look so so pretty and he loves the way you smile when he’s the one behind the camera

The party is in full session, your siblings tearing up the dance floor like the extroverts they are

You and Jungkook are sat at the head of the room, hands intertwined underneath the table as you watch a tired and painfully sober Yara swing her bare feet onto Taehyung’s lap, requesting a foot rub

Watching your pregnant best friend and her lover together, you turned towards your own, smile impossibly wide

“What?”

“Let’s have a baby.” You’d grin, so stupid happy

Jungkook’s eyes going round and immediately jumping up from his seat because god that’s all he’s ever wanted

Being tugged out the room by a giddy Jungkook, one of your heels flinging off somewhere behind you.

“What’s happening? Where are we going?!”

The two of you find yourself in a storage room somewhere on the hotel floor

“Jeon Jungkook, what the hell—“

His mouth find yourself, kissing you in a way that couldn’t at the altar

You kissed him back without questions, arms wrapping around the man you now called your husband

“I love you.” He’d sigh into your neck, his hot breath causing you to shiver

“I love you too.”

“Let’s make a baby.”

“Yeah let’s— wait, right here? Right now?!”

Jungkook merely nodding as his mouth found the exposed skin of your chest

“Meathead, we can’t just ditch our wedding to have sex!”

“Why not? We did our marital duties. Now it’s our guests' job to get embarrassingly drunk and make a fool of themselves on the dance floor. No one will even miss us.”

“Isn’t baby making what our honeymoon is for?”

“Screw that. I’ve done my waiting. Let’s start our family, nerd.”

Jungkook kissing your protests silent before you inevitably give in and let him take you right there and then, your wedding dress hung around your hips

Husband and wife coming together with shaky breaths and hushed moans as they promise the rest of their lives to each other, making every argument, struggle or moment of uncertainty leading up to now totally worth it

Walk of shame back into the party with nervous hair fixing from you and a proud grin from Jungkook

Yara figuring out exactly why you two had sneaked off to, flashing the newly weds a knowing smirk

The night of your wedding, Jungkook surprises you with a present

You unwrap it in confusion, only to see that it’s a glass frame and inside of it is the wrinkled and worn out lined paper the two of you had scribbled on many many years ago

Jungkook hangs up the contract right above your bed as per your request, smiling as he does and jumping on him the moment he puts down the hammer bc dammit it you’re too heckin excited to make love with your sentimental loser of a husband

And yes, by the next month, you are pregnant and incredibly happy

And of course, your daughter and Yara’s son grow up to be best friends, not a family holiday passing by where they aren’t told the story of the totally bitchin’ way both set of their parents got together

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[crimeronan]

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

[arotakaacegen]

some thoughts on shou and touichirou’s conversation in ch100

So, as someone who--to oversimplify things--hates her dad, i've always related really strongly to shou ever since that moment he ended a call with his father and immediately congratulated himself on giving his old man a piece of his mind. and unfortunately, "arson gremlin" is a pretty apt description of what i typically see with shou (i swear, you commit one (1) single arson as a ginger and you’re typecast forever) which is a shame bc hes a really great character. 

However one good thing about the fandom perception of shou is that ive never seen post-manga content where shou /actually/ stopped using his esper abilities after the final arc, despite telling his father he would. Shou promising his father in ch100 that he wouldnt use his powers anymore either always read to me as a false promise made to reinforce touichirou's promise (something ive done with my father on occasion) since, unlike touichirou, shou hasnt done anything wrong with them. rejecting psychic powers like that seemed counter to the narrative of the ???% arc that psychic powers are an intrinsic part of you and--while not all-important or special--are unhealthy to suppress. It might be better for touichirou to avoid using his powers--at least for a while--bc he's shown that he cant be trusted not to let them cloud his judgement even now, considering that he was literally planning to die right in front of his son before the idea of retreat even crossed his mind. However, shou seems to have mostly seen his powers as proof that he had to be the one to bring his father to justice, rather than as a source of ego (iirc shou is one of the few strong espers weve seen that hasnt had some moment of going apeshit over how special and/or powerful they are compared to non-espers). its definitely better for him to be able to explore that aspect of himself now without that burden of false responsibility attached to it. Living life as a normal person and having a healthy relationship with your psychic powers are not mutually exclusive. In fact, thats essentially what we see with mob in the final chapter, him living his normal life while being able to properly express his emotions now that he has a healthier relationship with his powers even when he uses them accidentally. So why not Shou?

Additionally, touichirous line about psychic powers being dangerous and unnatural seemed harsh and odd to me considering the way the narrative of mp100 encourages the audience to see psychic powers. Therefore, in my mind its a sign that touichirou is still not There yet, that his arc is not over even though this is the last time we see him. Bc not everyone can have a completed character arc at the same time. Sure mob’s might be complete, but reigen’s still continues somewhat into the spin-off (although i think that takes place before ch.101 in-universe) and we all know teru should really get a chance to deal with that whole “living alone in an apartment for years without any non-financial parental support” thing. So like, imho i think shou’s arc isnt done either, we just dont get to see it bc a snapshot of a community is never gonna have all its members at the exact same place in their journeys at the exact same time. (not to imply that mob or reigen can't still grow from this point on, it would just be a new character arc) 

Idk where im going with this since a lot of this was built from thoughts i dumped into the comments of a shou fic i read that got me to finally put some of my shou ideas into writing and then the rest of this just kinda coalesced out of that. (if anyone’s wondering, the fic was Factory-Made Feelings by Hino and can be found here)

(also there was a bunch of stuff i was gonna include but left out bc i was worried about oversharing, but if anyone is interested in the overshare-y ideas on shous feelings about his father that i cut out ill make another post)

[lvckpicks-blog]

( jung yoonoh, cismale, he/him, 24. ) — alexander "lex” khang, better known to the media as eros has been working for the yōkai for around six years. rumor has it, he can be ebullient & versatile but also cocky & licentious which is why he makes the perfect safe cracker.

you can find a picture of the mask he wears during heists HERE & HERE!! though he’s customized it so that the led lights change frequently.

hi wow hello!! i’m caitlyn, 24, she/her, cst timezone. and honestly?? i am in fucking AWE of every single one of you ?!!!!!! from the bottom of my heart, thank you for taking interest in this rp & for being as encouraging and positive as you have been. words cannot express how grateful i am for each and every single one of you ?!!! whenever this idea came to me, i didn’t think it would ever take off like it has & the out pour of love and support i’ve gotten is absolutely incredible. i could go on and on for hours about how much i seriously do appreciate it, but i’d turn into an emotional lil bitch and ain’t nobody got time for that so moving on !!

this is lex, he’s a mess and a half but honestly.... i can’t ever play characters that aren’t a trashy mess with an even worse backstory so here we GO!!! there’s some basic stats, bio, personality and basic af plot ideas under the cut so if you’d like to plot like this or hmu!!!

TW: mentions of alcohol & death. ( car crashes / house fires )

general information.

full name: alexander khang. nickname(s): alex, lex. date of birth: october 31st, 1994. age: twenty-four. nationality: korean. spoken languages: english, korean, chinese, japanese, french, spanish, german & russian. gender: cismale. pronouns: he / him / his. sexuality: bisexual. faceclaim: jung yoonoh ( jaehyun ) of nct.

background.

hometown: ulsan, south korea. current residence: tokyo, japan. financial status: upper class. occupation: safe cracker. family connections: tba.

extra information.

myers briggs: entp-a. ( the debater. ) enneagram: eight. ( the challenger. ) temperament: choleric. moral aligment: neutral evil. hogwarts house: slytherin. sin: wrath. virtue: pride. zodiac: scorpio. element: fire.

biography.

born and raised in korea.

parents spoiled him and his sister to death and made sure both of them had everything they needed to be happy.

however, whenever him & his sister were young, they lost their parents to a house fire and they were forced to go into the foster care system.

he wouldn't allow him & his sister to be separated, so they ended up being in the system for a long time until an american family took interest in both of them.

and before they even realized what was going on, lex & his sister were being shipped off to the states to meet their new family.

things were... different there, their new parents still spoiling them to death but everything around them was completely new and strange.

n bc of that, and because of the fact that lex couldn't communicate with his new parents, he began to rebel.

he started sneaking out of the house, breaking into places he shouldn't have been in.. going to parties even when he was underage and all sorts of things like that.

but he took an affinity to anything that had to do with picking locks, noticing that it kept his mind focused all while continuing to be able to 'rebel' in various sorts of ways.

after that, he focused on that, buying locks of all sorts until there wasn't a thing he couldn't break into.

however, the standard locks started to become boring, technology starting to be more and more prominent in the world so he started to teach himself how to hack as well.

not just into things, but how to 'pick' technologically advanced locks and everything like that.

he started to become so interested in that lifestyle, that he went to trade school for it.

but what he didn't expect was to meet someone there in the process, lex falling head over heels the second he laid eyes on them.

and god, he was smitten. ready to marry them within six months of meeting them. after proposing on a date and them saying yes, things were starting to kick into gear.

soon after, the wedding was planned and a date was set, but the wedding would never happen and lex wouldn't be able to spend the rest of his life with them.

his fiance was taken from him in a car accident, one he blames himself for to this day because they were headed to meet him to talk about the possibility of adopting a baby bc they couldn't have one & bc lex knew what it was like to be in the foster care system and wanted to be able to pull someone else out of that situation.

after that, alexander began to let his grief consume him, finding his home to be a bar stool at the nearest bar, drinking his sorrows away until someone practically had to carry him home.

that's when he met the mastermind of the crew, the other being nice enough to drive lex home from the bar one evening due to how intoxicated he was.

the mastermind happened to catch onto the fact that lex was very much into picking locks, into breaking into things that 'couldn't' be broken into and so he offered lex a job. quick money, no one would know it was lex at the end of the day and a reputation that'd soar for years to come.

it was then that lex's life started to turn around ever-so-slightly, becoming the best ( and only ) safe cracker that the yōkai had ever seen.

he started to grow happier, or so it seemed.

lex started to hide his grief, started to pretend he was just a happy-go-lucky goof ball on the outside while continuing to drink himself to sleep at night just to be able to get some sleep at all.

but he tried to control it as much as he could, tried to keep it inwards and not let it effect him or his job, and he never did.

alexander was/is a completely different person when he's on a heist & when the crew is all at HQ together.

the only person that knows about lex’s sister and fiance is the mastermind, though he does often send big chunks of his cuts to his sister so that his niece and nephew can remain happy, healthy and equally as spoiled as he and his sister were.

he doesn’t talk about his past life, nor does he really like opening up so very few people can see that there’s a grieving person behind the goofy exterior he tends to have.

personality.

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him. because he really… doesn’t want to get hurt again & doesn’t want to put them @ risk.

but will also tease and mess with literally everyone.

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

his motorcyle and cars are literally his babies ??? like he ?? has a problem ??

a hotmess

loves halloween so much?? he gets so hype for that holiday it’s unreal.. even if it is his bday.

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators for heists n such.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s actually v hurt inside because that’ll cause him to start having to deal with his feelings again, and he doesn’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet?? like if he’s speaking 2 u… its usually flirty as hell unless it has 2 do w business or he’s just known u for centuries ?

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell ??

hella nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, plays piano / violin & all that jazz.

super, super intelligent. could probably work @ nasa but instead he decided to do what he does & he honestly… ain’t complaining.

drinks..heavily..  like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he ‘relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he keeps it on the dl

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening. ( that doesn’t work lol )

loves boxing so much and can be seen at the gym quite a bit.. also has bruised knuckles 24/7 because of it as it’s a way to take out his aggression and feelings out on a punching bag?

speaking of… anger issues af. well... grief turned into anger.

actually super kind and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall?? which is really hard to do due to his job but if u do it he’ll cherish u.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out, which is usually all of the time so he smokes…. more than he should.

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t such a hardass.

is a burnt cupcake who has really good intentions but has extremely horrible execution skills. ( and no i don’t mean the violent kind bc he’s actually v good @ that )

plot ideas.

bad influence. ( on your muse. )

best friends.

childhood friend.

confidant.

current hook up(s).

drinking buddies.

drunken hook up.

enemies that used to be friends.

enemies.

exes who ended on bad terms.

flirtationship.

frenemies.

friends that used to be enemies.

friends with benefits.

good influence. ( on lex. )

hate sex.

one night stand(s). ( past & present. )

partner in crime.

party buddies.

past hook up(s).

ride or die.

trouble makers.

unlikely friends.

[bnha-imagines-hcs]

uwu i want angst and sorry if this is too triggering but is it okay to do dabi, present mic and shinsou where they get in a super heated fight w their s/o and the boys do a quick movement to run their hands through their hair or like hand gesture and its so fast their s/o thinks they’re going to hit them and they heavily flinch and then the guys find out shes had like an abusive past i love ur writing so much crie

( no, this is okay ❤❤❤ i won’t write a prompt of charas beating their s/o, but this is good. | warning for grade A asshole in dabi’s. | wherein present mic is the only one who knows how to do this lmfao. | shinsou’s a good boy who Tries. )

| dabi; headcanons.

a heated fight with dabi is like tryina cheat death. he’s a stone-cold professional with his mind on the job, but when anger gets involved there’s no more rules. yeah, that’s been a red flag from the get go, but here you both are…

dabi’s cruel when he’s angry. serious about his bonds, but cruel, and it’s never worse than when ppl take to clawing at him in word or deed; fighting with him gets nasty – if it hurts him, you’re fucked.(you piece of shit, like you’ve any more right than whatever rando you’re degrading yourself to be, fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU—)                                   nothing but absolute offensive defence. it’s all predatory while anyone he cares for (or who knows how to get to him) is taking shots at him; fixated on the kill to avoid his own pain. there is no pain, no gentility as a viable option for dealing with this (he doesn’t even know that’s a thing that really works, that he could do), no bond to preserve - nothing but rage to hide within and blind his enemies with.

          since it’s his primary mode for survival, it’s not smth he can consciously acknowledge (yet). he can’t - he needs it too much, too often.

it’s not the kind of mood where he likes his s/o, it’s not the kind of mood where he wants to be nice.

              you’re scared of him? (fire, fists, words, teeth- there’s              so much he can do–) good. you should be. 

       absolutely undoubtedly, dabi makes it so much fucking worse. had they not been fighting, it would’ve been so different – but there’s no mercy in a fight. an angry dabi is rarely safe.he doesn’t hit them, but he makes a play at it more than once until they’re a crying, triggered mess and that’s when he takes his vindication somewhere private / he’s won.            he’ll worry about whether you’re still dating after he’s figured out            whether he still wants that.

oh, the insinuations? bitch, no-one here is unhurt. and if you know dabi, you shouldn’t be stupid enough not to feel the threat. if that would scare you, fuck off you brainless–

     he hasn’t yet figured out whether you’re still worth giving a shit. shit.

| hizashi; headcanons.

the one motherfucker who handles this well from the get go, and that’s in part because with hizashi you just don’t get into… nasty fights. the rest is that hizashi is Absolutely not inclined toward scaring his loved ones and has no need for defensive rage to that extent. 

he’s got standards for himself, y’know? they’re more important than petty shock/hurt - his survival methods are so much more healthy than dabi’s, and that’s thanks to personality and opportunity.

if you’re really fighting, it’ll still be close to reason - hizashi’s emotionally healthy & would be with someone who is, for the most part, also that. as in, if you can’t talk about ur big issues like adults ( + some emotion ofc but honestly expressed, not cruelly ), he’s nooooooot gonna be in a relationship with you.      you- that’s. like. communication, bro. you need it.

first off he’ll a) absolutely notice and jump to the right conclusions thanks to experience b) wave it away bc he’s preoccupied and inclined to go ‘well it could be smth ELSE’ if he’s not completely ready to deal with it.the look on your face makes him ready to deal with it in about 3 seconds, and then he gently puts the fight on hold to ask whether he scared you, assure verbally that he wouldn’t, and give you space while asking what u need to feel safe enough to continue being arnd each other - or to not do that if u can’t feel safe.

hizashi is so good at making himself gentle - bc he is. he doesn’t need the walls & fronts to feel safe himself; vulnerability is his strength. he uses it well.

          there’s blankets involved and his express refusal to come near unless you ask him to, letting you control his proximity to you and what happens next. if you want, there are so many cuddles. if you want, there is reading apart from each other in blanket nests without focussing on anything so you can try to wind down. tea, maybe some anti-anxiety bg music, a super gentle kid’s show on tv. if you want to leave, you leave. if you want him to leave, he leaves. if you want to work through this but need a friend as a buffer, y’all call them over. hizashi will text aizawa for his own emotional support, cuz finding this out is rather upsetting for him too - fuck, he loves you, of course it is.       anything to be receptive, welcoming, and kind to your pain.

       the real anger comes when he finds out just who hurt you, and it’ll       be reserved for those names.

| shinsou; headcanons.

shinsou gets mad. 

it’s instant, thoughtless hurt while they’re already hurting each other and it just makes him defensive / he doesn’t stop to consider a better route. (can’t.) more angry, yells smth pained about them not trusting him (thinks it’s a jab since they know his buttons) – things aren’t registering as they would if he had his wits about him.it’s just hurt. yells, moves toward them too quick & makes it worse (not intentional) but is already backing off again. things sink in now & he’s a mess, so instead of doing anything that he can’t properly think through rn he just leaves. takes himself out of the situation.

he’s not stupid. between his own experiences, hero work, etc – once the fight’s a lil further in the past and his head cooled, he can look at it and see they weren’t trying to hurt him. it wasn’t fake– and that’s so much worse.        do they trust him anymore? no idea, so he waits it out / gives them both more time to settle. he’s not ready to be soft yet, but the idea of going in when he’s still on edge just breaks his heart.shit, he didn’t know this.

maybe he’s reading too much into it. yeah, maybe. he’ll ask. hopes that won’t be too invasive, draws on all his lessons to figure out a game plan; be calm, non-threatening, respectful. (he’s gonna phone aizawa, ask for advice.)he especially needs time to prepare for the possibility they won’t want to share with him. will respect it of course, but he’s so fucking worried it’d drive him a lil mental so he needs to prep to not push whatsoever - and it’s easier to focus on his worry than their fight that’s been abandoned like an open wound. 

           ‘easier’. ugh.

he goes back in when his head’s clear / phoned first to ask. he cuts right to the chase, tells them to set the boundaries if they want to meet up - make it so they can feel safe. it’s not that bad anymore, they say – although it really hurt when shinsou just left, made them fear he didn’t want smth so broken. 

                  that hadn’t fucking occurred to him at all.

and that’s such a relief they fucking both cry, ugly sobs into the phone and tentative ‘why were we fighting anyway’ - an equally careful ‘maybe we can write things out that bother us and just focus on finding a way through’. 

they meet. their s/o is a lil spooked in that trauma way you just can’t help & shinsou’s hyper caution makes it worse until they each find a balance. somewhere innocuous with ice cream and a view on a park, and they just. adjust to this new part of their dynamic, get used to each other again since they didn’t get to properly end the fight or deal with things.        there’s some unrelated talk to ease into things before they open up - just the tip of the iceberg, to test out shinsou’s capacity for it. 

he’s got a hard time looking gentle when he’s torn between hurting for them so much (and that’s… more intense than expected) and angry at himself, the situation, the things that hurt his s/o and the things he doesn’t need to punish himself for but does.

              after a while they call in the help of experienced adults (read: present mic) to deal with this; still more private than a counsellor, but still… they need the help.

they make it through. soft becomes a new/reinforced staple of their relationship and they learn way better ways to communicate thru issues, avoid actual fights.

learning to channel his anger differently also eases shinsou’s overall life / being soff w/ the bae becomes a new (and first) favourite part of his own personality (whoo boy). if he happens upon the bastards who hurt his s/o and curbstomps them somewhere in a back alley, well. that’s more aizawa’s influence.

[popatochisssp]

Match up!

Ok! I’m a 21 year old gal at 5'3 with brown eyes, caramel hair, and a soft heart. People often describe me as bubbly, sweet, and a “ray of sunshine”. I’m usually the one making lame jokes and goofing around (expect constant giggles), but I know when it’s time to buckle down and get things done! School is incredibly important to me rn and I’m a straight A student. Very serious about my future. Passionate in everything I do and striving to be the best me I can be. Let me finish my work first and then I’ll come out and play! Outside of school or work, I’m either out with friends or spending time with family at home.

Likes: My family/friends (they mean the world to me), creativity, traveling (been to many countries and even lived in Peru for a bit!), learning/experiencing new things, makeup, anything heart-shaped, lace, or floral, drawing, storytelling, music (Mystery Skulls, Studio Killers, Avicii, pop, etc.), wholesome memes, animals, spreading that love and positivity!

Dislikes: Pessimism, being angry (I’ll have an attitude but overall I’m a sensitive bean and I’ll cry when I’m v mad or frustrated), a messy room, seeing others in pain, aggressive people, people who think it’s cool to hate everyone, canceled plans, having to make the first move, feeling pressured into things, not being taken seriously (Just bc I’m happy doesn’t make me dumb), dwelling on the past, staying at home for too long (I can chill at home but eventually I’ll want to go out and do something)

What do you look for in a match?:

I always look for friendship first. Someone I can feel comfortable opening up to and who’s just as silly and open-minded as I am. A sweetheart with their head on straight and isn’t afraid to take control. Ambitious, intelligent, humerus (Ik its overused but I still appreciate). Humor is a big one for me because I love to laugh as much as I love to make others laugh. Also, a huge romantic. I grew up watching telenovelas, so I expect mucho passion y romance from my s/o (i wonder who sent that bilingual ask ohoho). I’m a hopeless romantic myself and I’ll have no problem woo-ing an s/o and receiving a bunch of cliche love gestures as well! I’m a sucker for love notes, flowers, playlists, planned dates/trips, the whole shebang. Reassurance is also a must. Why should the woo-ing stop after we get together? I love being reminded how important and loved I am and I’m happy to do the same! All about mutual respect and encouragement. Remind me to take it easy whenever I try to bite off more than I could chew. I can get very anxious when I feel overwhelmed by certain tasks. Proceed with caution, please! Pushing me or getting in my face would only make it worse. Lastly, someone who can hold a conversation. I don’t mind going on about something but if they don’t say much back, I’ll think I’m just boring them.

Any dealbreakers?: I’ve kissed quite a few frogs so excuse me if I sound too picky! Can’t deal with a Man-child, anger issues, someone too intense, lack of communication, arrogance, unmotivated, someone who doesn’t respect boundaries, won’t listen to me, ignores me, and is condescending or overly critical

Anything else I should know?: I like to think that I’m pretty independent and just fine on my own, but when I have an s/o, I can be clingy. I know that I don’t need them but I want them and I want them to want me too! Despite my lovey dovey attitude, I like to keep it PG in public. I’m pretty mindful of others but more expressive in private.

I also believe that the strongest people are those who didn't let their hardships bitter them, but instead make them want to be a better person. It can be so tough keeping a positive mindset after going through so much but not impossible! I have mad love and respect for those who keep moving forward and show kindness to others despite what they've gone through.

P.S You’re still a peach and thank you for the match ups! I’m sorry this got so long, I just have a lot of love in my heart

As I suspected, I haven’t changed my mind about your match-up from when you submitted the first time so I’m happy to finally tell you that your match is Sky (Underswap Sans)!

Your bright attitude and passionate, responsible nature are things that he deeply respects in you, and he’s excited to show you that he’s a man who can do both, himself! 

He shares your dislike of not being taken seriously and will never think less of you just because you’re cheerful, and dwelling on the past is just not his thing. He likes to keep moving forward, onto what’s next...whatever that may be! If you’re up for the adventure, he’s thrilled to have you along for the ride.

Sky doesn’t mind that you’re a little clingy-- so is he!-- but he’s also self-sufficient enough that he can handle things on his own for awhile if you need a little space when you’re overwhelmed. 

In fact, he’d consider it both his duty and his genuine pleasure as your datemate to help you cope during those times by maybe taking care of a thing or two for you, just to take a few things off your plate!

Honestly, you’d have a fantastic time on a road-trip with him: you make the playlist, he’ll pack the healthy snacks, and you can switch off driving and just go see whatever you want together, even if it’s just the open road and enjoying each other’s company.

If you’re willing to take your friendship with him to the next level, he’s passionate and deeply affectionate so be careful or this dynamo’s gonna charm the pants off you before you even know what hit you! ;3

[duetlyreads]

Rant

Its late and I’m tired and stressed from upcoming finals and irritated at myself for other reasons and I just want to get this out even if I’m not a very active (in terms of talking to other bloggers) member of my fandoms because this has been bothering me since like December and I've had enough. 

Seeing all of these wonderfully talented authors and fellow fans delete their blogs or contemplating deleting their blogs makes me very sad, but at the same time, I know that in most they are doing what they believe is best for themselves. I know that there are different reasons why different authors have chosen to delete, but I have noticed a disturbing trend of anon hate and increasing writing demands being a culprit of these losses. And I have some Things to say about that. Especially when it causes writers to feel like something they used to love doing is now a burden (this just breaks my heart)

It makes me both furious and sad to see that there are people who think it is ok to send hateful messages to someone, for whatever reason. To those anons, I am sorry that you have nothing better to do with your time than to try to bring a fellow human being down. I honestly don’t know what goes through your head when you hit that send button with that message filled with negative thoughts, but I am sorry that you lack the ability to express your feelings in a functional and healthy way, or even to be kind at all. Empathy is a tried and true method, and if you could put yourself out of your own selfish bubble long enough to see how you would feel if someone sent such a message to you, well, I hope that you would make a different choice. Whether you truly and wholeheartedly mean what you saw or not, whether or not you think you are in the right, hate is never the answer.

The sheer selfishness that some people exhibit when it comes to communicating with their so-called “favorite authors” is disgusting. If they really are your favorite author then you should have the decency to show some respect and understanding about how difficult it is to have a life and a current writing blog. Authors are not machines. They have setbacks, they have limits, and they have free choice of writing whatever the fuck they want. It’s their blog, and their choice, not yours. They do not exist to serve your every whim. If an author hasn’t updated a series in a while, what you SHOULD do is politely ask them ONCE (1 TIME) if they have a plan on when hey might be working on it again, and whatever answer they give you, accept it as canon. What you SHOULDN’T do is throw a tantrum like a toddler because your aren’t getting what you want or insult the author because they, a fellow human being with other things to do with their time, are not writing fast enough to your standards. How about you try writing a 20 part multific that's around 2K words each and update it regularly while being a full-time student/parent/worker, all the while either going through severe writer’s block or inspiration for writing a different piece altogether. Authors and bloggers alike are not perfect, nor do they claim to be. Cut them some slack and back. Off.

To the authors that have deleted their blogs for these other personal reasons, I first want to say that even though I may not know the details surround your circumstances, I understand the need to put yourself before others in order to be at peace. So in that, I say: “Four for you, Glen Coco.” Huge and amazing props to you for putting your mental/emotional/physical wellbeing over the wants and desires of others. I know that for many of you, it was most likely a very tough decision and a very painful time, but if it ultimately led you to feel peace or more at one with yourself, I applaud you for that. Even if you just transferred to another blog, that is still a great thing considering what may have been going on at the time. Things weren’t going so well, but you decided to start afresh! Go you! Secondly, I want to thank you. Not just for sharing your amazing talent with us, but for sharing YOU with us. You, who brought smiles to so many faces. You, who may have made us squeal inhumanly loud at the fluff, or cry uncontrollably at the angst, or have to take multiple cold showers after reading the smut. Thank you. You didn’t have to, but you did, and that made all the difference. Thank. You. And even if you are no longer writing on here or other places on the internet, I hope that you continue to develop your wonderful talent and share it with kindred spirits. Bless.

If you are contemplating deleting your blog for any of the above reasons or other personal ones, please know that whatever you chose, if it makes you happy in the end, I support your decision. Life is full of constant struggles and we never know if the choices we make are the right ones until after we make them, sometimes long after the fact. I can be a pessimist at times, but I like to think of life as a roller coaster. When you’re feeling down and miserable, I believe that at some point, things will start to look up. Your choices can either speed up or slow down that inevitable incline, but sooner or later, it will happen. Whatever you choose, try to make sure that it will make YOU happy in the long run. I believe in you. And if you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open, along with my bag of doggo pics to try and brighten your day.

Tagging some bloggers and writers I know may find this relevant bc you guys deserve to know that you are loved and appreciated. Feel free to tag anyone else. 

@mattmoredick @bucky-plums-barnes (special message for you in tags) @sexylibrarian1 @timeforsmut  

(Note: It is 1 am and i honestly cannot rack my brain enough to come up with the other multitude of bloggers i know have been through this so im going to also tag authors who have been around for a while and have seen some things. Sorry if this is awkward! @persephone-is-here-omg @after-avenging-hours @angryschnauzer @buckyywiththegoodhair @lenavonschweetz @captainrogerss)

Tagging for Reasons:

@drearncatcher37 @runmild

[zenmister]

P1) Hi, I wanted to ask you for some advice bc there's something thats been getting me down for a long time and nothing really seems to make it better. When I talk about it to friends I end up feeling worse because they just tell me what i don’t want to hear. Basically I've been talking to this guy for 7 Months now, things started off really well, he came to see me regularly and asked me out and seemed to be into me. He's always been slow at replying to my texts and

...its always frustrated me bc I take it personally as he is ridiculously slow at replying. As time went on he gradually seemed to become more distant, and it would go weeks before he'd come and see me, then when he did he'd rush off suddenly. I started to get more & more insecure bc I wanted more attention off him & the more I wanted it, the less I seemed to get. I started to confront him and instead of making me feel better he’d get angry or just ignore me until eventually I'd stop asking him and apologise.if i didn’t he’d just not speak to me. He always makes me feel bad for having feelings for him as if I'm being 'too much'.I saw him on nye for the first time in 3 months and he arranged to get a hotel with me - but made it seem like it was just convenient rather than saying he wanted to stay with me, sometimes he’d make plans to see me and then never show up. we spent the night together on nye but when we was out he kept wandering off or saying he’s not the type of person to show affection in public, we slept together that night, and i thought everything would stop being confusing, but then the next day he slipped back into his ways of ignoring my texts, and when I questioned him he just replied ‘what’ which i read as blunt and cold. I told my friend who met his best mate on the same night (and is in a relationship with him now) that he was confusing me again, &she told me I needed to just ask him if its going anywhere, so I said to him, "I dont wanna annoy you but the reason I’m saying this is cos its been a long time n its confusing not knowing where I stand with you, Ive obv got feelings for you now and I just want to know if you can see things going anywhere with me? I’m not tying to pressure you but I can't let things play out forever without knowing if it ever will, or if I'm just being played. I just need to know if its something you'd want eventually, cos the longer you don't talk to me the more i start to think youaren’t interested, but then other times it seems like feelings mutual, it’s just tiring for me trying to figure it out, you’ve not once said to me how u feel about me and you kept saying something like' don’t make it obvious' which is playing on my mind, idk what to think." He didn’t reply for another day and i was worrying myself sick thinking i should never said anything, then I ended up spending the next day consumed by regret, trying to get him to reply, and the more he didn’t the  more desperate and distressed i was becoming. I confessed that i was in love with him and he read it and didn’t even reply.Eventually i gave up and just said to him "please can we just forget about this, i knew it was a bad idea to ask you and i should never have put pressure on you bc its not fair, i won’t ask you how you feel about me again, please can we just go back to being friends? i don’t want you to be mad at me."then he replied straight away: "I’m not mad at you you’re just too much sometimes'. Id had anxiety for 2 days straight worrying about what i said, and the only thing that made it better was him replying, The reason I’m telling you all this is bc even though we’re still talking, which is what i wanted, the insecurity is still there and nothings really been resolved bc he treats me the same and doesn’t do anything to make me feel better. now if he doesn’t text me back, which he hasn’t done all day, i start to feel like I’ve done something wrong, and all the doubts resurface. I feel like i have no control and I’ve settled for anything bc I’m scared of losing him all together and ending up with nothing, but theres nothing i can do about it without pushing him away more. I just wish he’d start making more of an effort and making me feel like i meant something to him rather than it being just me that cares. i don’t know how to get my self- esteem back or how to get out of this situation, I just feel exhausted i feel bad about myself no matter what if he doesn’t speak to me.I don’t know how to stop being affected by it.I feel deeply insecure and like I’m not good enough for him, and I’m not sure if it is all just in my head. i feel like he doesn’t reciprocate my romantic feelings towards him, but has never actually denied liking me or verbally rejected me, he just lets me think he doesn’t care. Im just so confused and upset about it all, i feel like its never ending and that i need to be validated by him. I don't know how to break the cycle and stop worrying about it, i just feel trapped. please give me some guidance, sorry its so long i just wanted to give an accurate representation. thank you:(

That is a pretty comprehensive description of your situation. I can imagine that your friends tell you to forget about him and move on. You probably wish that it were that easy, but you would rather that he behave as though he loves you instead of you doing all the work of the relationship and him just participating when it is comfortable for him.

The relationship is causing you a lot of distress. Every time you text him you create an opportunity for you to be more distressed. You have given him many opportunities to let you know how he feels and is completely incapable expressing those feelings. It would be nice of him to put you at ease and answer texts regularly but he refuses to do that. He will probably never do that.

What you can expect from him is that he will be in touch with you when it suits him, and stop communicating when it suits him. He does not take your feelings into consideration with any sense of kindness or compassion.

You can probably find somebody else who will be nicer to you. When that person comes along you won’t have any problems breaking up with this person. As long as you choose to continue this relationship, you should be clear with yourself that he will not behave the way you want him to. He will not come around and start caring for the relationship. He will not start talking about his feelings and demonstrating a commitment to you. He will not start answering your texts with regularity. He will not engage with your feelings. As you continue the relationship take care of your own feelings. You can love a plant without caring how the plant loves you back. All the feelings you have are powerful and moving. Those feelings are all real and important. Unfortunately, they are mostly painful.

Your friends probably don’t want to see you suffer for this person so they give you advice that you don’t want. If you absolutely want to continue the relationship, work on your self-esteem separately. This man is not going to help you feel good about yourself. You can practice reminding yourself that you are a good, loving, and feeling person who deserves a healthy relationship. You can also remind yourself that you love a person who isn’t good with feelings and won’t take care of a relationship.

I would recommend that you practice working with all of the difficult feelings that this relationship brings up for you with awareness and compassion. Don’t think of this as a committed relationship and keep looking for somebody who can treat you better than this person does.

If you love a pair of shoes that are thee sizes too small they are better on the shelf. They will only hurt your feet if you wear them. You can’t dance in them.