#but its so stressful. like at the beginning of October i went to the gym to ask about the prices but then i got sick and then i kept | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sun-summoning · 5 years

Note

Hi! Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering what happened to the fic the grad fad? I loved it but I can't seem to find it on FF. Thank you! :)

you know what i read this and had a moment of “wtf is the grad fad” followed by “it sounds SO FAMILIAR” then i looked through stuff on my computer and found a doc with that title that was last updated in 2013 and thought “oh god that’s when i graduated university wtf was this fic about???” i assume i deleted it off ffn back in the day bc i knew i’d never finish it.

anyway here’s all that i found:

Note: This is my last year of university and I’m actually quite sad, so this is mostly for my lawlz. But I promise I will have a plot.Warning(s): AU, going by my own university’s calendar Pairings: SasuSaku, NaruInoDisclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

SEPTEMBERi need a place to live

“Can I live with you?”

Sakura needed a home.

She was luckier than most people with her parents living just an hour and a half’s commute away from Konoha University, but she would rather pay rent every month than go through the two trains and two buses and twenty minute walk she spent her entire freshman year dealing with. She spent her second and third years living with Tenten, but that recently-graduated, totally lame, Judas loser decided to take the Next Step in her Relationship and Move In with her boyfriend, hence Sakura’s problem.

Sakura was homeless. Sort of.

Karin only raised an eyebrow at her before eyeing her one-bedroom apartment. There was a solarium, yes, but those doors were see-through and offered no privacy. “Seriously?”

But Sakura would not be moved. She nodded eagerly. “Honestly, I’d be down for a closet. Please? Lend me that room?”

“Fine.”

And so that was that.

Except it wasn’t.

It worked well enough, Sakura supposed. At the beginning, that is, when Sakura was still enjoying the remaining bits of frosh week and the constant keggers going on. On the first week of class—when all that happened was syllabi-reading and maybe an introductory lab or two that Sakura didn’t need—there were Mojito Mondays and Because I Freaking Feel Like it Tuesdays to go along with the traditional Thirsty Thursdays. For the first week of class, Sakura mostly came home to her glass room at Karin’s home in a lovely state of drunk or delirious.

But then she started coming home sober.

Second week struck and so did its readings upon readings upon readings. Sakura scrambled from the KU Bookstore to the shop for cheaper used books a few blocks away from the university where all the hipsters lived. She would then go to the printing press on the other side of the city for that course pack, and then to another printing press on the other side of the city for another course pack. Then she would settle down in the library with a chai tea latte and lemon poppy seed muffin and shut off her phone and get her readings done.

(Not that anyone was texting her, of course. Ino was basically ignoring the world and Naruto still felt like it was move-in time and Sakura knew for a fact he had a keg at his house and Sasuke and her basically didn’t talk unless they were forced to.)

In her second week of September, Sakura would come home extremely late, with aching shoulders and arms full of books.

In her second week of September, all Sakura would want to come home to was a cozy bed and ugly bunny slippers and Netflix. Instead, she came home to Karin’s bra on the sneakers Sakura left by the door and the beautifully permanent sight of Karin and Shikamaru doing the deed on the couch.

Sakura just sighed. “Guys, like, I eat my breakfast on that couch!”

They barely noticed her before Karin let out a squeak and they casually moved their canoodling over to her bedroom.

“Seriously?!” Sakura yelled, dropping her book bag and mourning the sight of the beloved Lazy Boy, forever tainted by Shikamaru’s naked ass, cute as it may have been.

Sakura plopped down on the carpet, sitting right in front of the recliner.

This wasn’t going to work.

“Can I live with you?”

Sakura twitched when she got no response. Ino had been like this all summer. She was in I’m-taking-my-LSAT-therefore-nothing-exists-but-these-LSAT-notes mode and essentially drowning everyone and everything. There was no time for double fisting the red sangria and the white sangria at Red Room after a long day of class, nor was there time to listen to Sakura propose potential research paper topics. Ino had quit her job and her social life in favour of studying, studying, studying.

“Ino?”

Ino had a pretty swanky place, actually – for a studio apartment, that is. But it was surprisingly large for a kitchen-living-room-bedroom hybrid monster. It even had a balcony!

“Yo! Blondie!”

Finally, Ino looked up. “What was that, Sakura?”

Sakura pouted.

They were at the coffee shop near the Bio labs on the west end of campus. Ino had only agreed to Sakura’s invitation when Sakura offered to buy her sleepless friend some coffee. Apparently the implied “you’ll have to listen to me when I speak” part of that deal went unnoticed, however. Great.

“Can I live with you?” Sakura repeated.

Ino didn’t miss a beat. “No.”

“What?” Sakura couldn’t help it. Her jaw literally dropped. She was ready to prepare some grand speech about friendship and bonds and love and all that jazz that Naruto would have been super proud of, but Ino waved her hand – granted, she looked more like she was trying to swat away some irritating bug.

“Sakura,” she said flatly, “consider the size of my apartment.”

“It’s fun-sized,” Sakura reasoned. “Super fun-sized.”

“No.”

“But I’m homeless!”

“You live like an hour away—”

“AND A HALF.”

“—you’ll manage.”

“But I’m homeless!” Sakura repeated pathetically, hoping that if she pouted Ino might have been moved.

But that was not the case. Ino’s eyes were already back on her binder of notes for her LSAT studying. “Nope.”

“You’re a heartless, wretched beast,” Sakura said. She gathered her things and made sure to grab the caramel macchiato she spent a grand four dollars on for some traitor. She stuck her tongue out when Ino let out an indignant cry for having her coffee stolen. “Sorry, I don’t buy drinks for jerks!”

“Just commute, you lazy baby!”

“I CAN’T HEAR YOU.”

“Can I live with you?”

Naruto didn’t look even remotely surprised to see Sakura on his front porch with a bright pink gym bag full of her clothes and a backpack that looked ready to burst at the seams. And he didn’t even want to think about how heavy that other bag pulling at her left arm was, considering all the textbooks sticking out of it.

Like the good friend he was, Naruto grabbed the bag of books and the bag of clothes.

“Come on,” he said, moving to the side so she could enter the house.

“You’re the best, Naruto!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Sakura had been to Naruto’s place many times. It was a house in the so-called “student ghetto” just off of campus with an open-concept main floor and a fair number of bedrooms. If Sakura remembered correctly, Naruto had the big room in the basement, Suigetsu called dibs on the attic, and Sasuke and Shikamaru had rooms on the second-level. But now that Neji had moved in with Tenten—

“Am I getting Neji’s old room?” Sakura asked.

Naruto nodded, guiding her up the stairs even though she already knew where to go. “Yeah, I figured you’d be here eventually.”

“What?” Sakura felt tears spring in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She was tired and stressed and her shoulders were killing her. “You saved a room for me?” She was in awe of how sweet he was.

But Naruto just shrugged and looked away. Sakura saw the way his cheeks reddened though. “It’s not a big deal. We just didn’t bother looking for another guy. I had a feeling things wouldn’t work out at Karin’s when Shikamaru basically stopped coming home all of first week…”

Sakura still tackled him into a hug, forcing him to drop her bags. She pulled away and smiled. “You are literally the best, did you know that?”

He grinned back. “Obviously.” But a thought came to mind and his smile waned. “Um… there’s just one thing…”

“Yeah?” Sakura was too busy marvelling at the fact that her new room came with walls (and a bed and drawers and a closet and even a calendar) to notice his frown. “Don’t worry about rent. I got my job at the registrar’s office again so I’m good.”

“It’s not that.”

Sakura finally looked at him. “What is it?” She suddenly looked equally as frantic. “Oh.”

“Are you okay with living with your ex?”

“Obvously.”

“Really?”

“No.”

“I figured.”

“Meh.” Sakura shrugged. She took her bag from Naruto and opened it up to beginning the process of moving in all over again. “I’m kind of homeless, so I’ll make due. And you know how I am during school. I basically just live at campus during the year.”

Naruto laughed and ruffled her hair. “Don’t worry,” he told her, “we just have one more year of this crap, right?”

Sakura glanced at the calendar and nodded.

“Just one more year.”

OCTOBERi need reference letters

So it was October.

October came to mean a lot of things to Naruto: midterms, essays, Thanksgiving a.k.a. Turkey Day, pumpkin spice everything, breaking out the awesome orange scarf Sakura knitted for him years ago, pretty leaves, and so much more.

Now the boys didn’t usually maintain their house unless someone was coming to visit. Fine, the tiny front lawn would see a mowing every other week or so, and the backyard was only managed if there was going to be a party. And then the inside was divided that every man would take care of his own place, the kitchen would always be cleaned by whoever made whatever mess, and the bathroom would go through a weekly cycle of sorts. But things like the broom and the vacuum were only broken out for special occasions.

“Guys!”

In the living room, Sakura was sketching silly outfits on the bare bodies in her anatomy textbook in lieu of studying, while Naruto made his own efforts to procrastinate pretty obvious as he made a tower of all the novels and plays and poetry anthologies he had to read for the semester. So far, his stack was balancing at a rather noteworthy twenty-two. Shikamaru, on the other hand, was making paper balls with his notes and throwing them at Naruto’s tower.

They all looked up at Suigetsu’s frantic shout.

“What is it?” Sakura asked. She had the grace to look annoyed by the interruption to her ‘hard work.’

“Sasuke’s mom is here!”

Immediately, Naruto and Shikamaru rose, their eyes wide and their arms near flailing. Sakura raised an eyebrow when Naruto shrieked. His book tower had fallen over when he stood up so fast.

“Clean that up!” Suigetsu yelled, pointing.

Naruto anxiously did so by pushing all of the books under the couch. At the same time, Shikamaru was taking all the randomly strewn about mugs and plates and – oh god – beer bottles and hiding them in the video game drawer. Suigetsu was keeping a careful eye on the driveway from the window by the stairs.

Sakura could only frown. “What are you guys doing?”

“Sasuke’s mom is here,” Shikamaru pointed out.

Sakura looked at the boys like they were idiots and, for the most part, they returned the look. Suigetsu finally sighed. “Sakura, have you ever seen Sasuke’s mom?”

“Yes,” she said. “In fact, I—”

Naruto shushed her. “Sakura, haven’t you heard? Sasuke’s mom has got it going on!”

Sakura did not look amused, but that didn’t stop Naruto and the other boys from opening the door and yelling their hellos. They all ignored Sasuke’s knowing glare as they took his bags from him and all warmly greeted the lovely Mikoto Uchiha. They exchanged pleasantries and thanked Mikoto wholeheartedly when she graced them with a whole turkey for the house – her little Thanksgiving present to them.

“Oh, Mrs. Uchiha, you didn’t have to do that,” Suigetsu told her sweetly.

But the older woman just smiled and waved the matter off. “Oh, but you boys need to be properly fed!”

Sakura could only pray she had that kind of decency when she was older and sending her son off to live with his fellow cavemen. Sakura eyed Mikoto Uchiha’s beautiful cashmere sweater and her form fitting skirt and could actually kind of understand why her friends were all salivating like dogs. She suddenly felt incredibly insecure in her yoga pants and the sweater she ninety percent belonged to Shikamaru. God, she was such a mess, Sakura realized. At least she wasn’t wearing her UGGs…

Dammit.

“Sakura Haruno, is that you!”

Sakura blinked. “Huh?”

Finally, the boys got out of the way and Mikoto rushed over and hugged her. “Oh, darling!” Mikoto let go enough to look Sakura over and frown disapprovingly. “You’ve lost weight!” she pointed out gravely. “Why haven’t you been eating, missy? This better not be over some stupid boy, because let me tell you—”

Sakura flushed. “Nope!” she interrupted. “I just…” Sakura laughed awkwardly and took a step away from Mikoto. “I just, um, have been busy and haven’t really been sleeping properly…”

Mikoto immediately turned around to face the boys. “And why haven’t you all been making sure Sakura is eating correctly? Hm? Shikamaru? You’re the responsible one!”

Shikamaru froze for a moment with the attention on him. “Um.” He chuckled. “Well, I haven’t really been around either, Mrs. Uchiha. But I’ll definitely make sure our little Sakura eats three square meals a day.”

“Yes, you better!” Mikoto took her turkey out of Naruto’s hands and deposited it into Sakura’s despite the blond’s protests. She winked at Sakura. “Eat up, sweetie.”

Sakura smiled. “Thank you.”

Mikoto gave her son one last kiss on the cheek before saying her goodbyes to everyone. When she was finally gone, Naruto let out a low whistle and made some flattering but inappropriate comment that led to Sasuke punching him in the stomach and stomping away. Still wincing, Naruto hurriedly stole the turkey away from Sakura and brought it to the kitchen.

That was one last thing October meant to Naruto: Mikoto Uchiha sending over a whole turkey for their little house of broke students.

But the gesture of turkey-giving didn’t arouse the same happy feelings in Sakura. As Suigetsu thoughtfully took a bag of Sasuke’s on his way upstairs, Shikamaru volunteered to walk Mikoto to her car, and Naruto took the turkey for some “alone time,” Sakura went back to her anatomy textbook and suddenly felt incredibly lonely.

Sakura had spent Thanksgiving dinner with the Uchiha family once, back when she and Sasuke were still together. She got along with them all to the point that Mikoto would literally text Sakura at least every other day just to make sure she was okay or to talk. Ino thought that was weird, but Sakura justified things with that Ino had never been in a real relationship – not one that included bonding with your partner’s parent. And when Sasuke dumped Sakura, Mikoto immediately asked Sakura if she was okay. But Sakura soon began to distance herself from the woman, mostly out of propriety, and seeing her in person today made her feel horrible.

Sighing, Sakura picked up her mug of sangria and whined when she realized it was empty. She grudgingly went to the kitchen and took the bottle out of the fridge. After a moment of consideration, she decided to learn from past mistakes and drink from the bottle and skip the mug.

“Well done,” she told herself after a sip.

“Sakura, it’s ten in the morning.”

She joked and spun around. Sasuke was leaning against the counter with a cup of tea and judgemental frown.

“Um.” Sakura lowered the bottle and reconsidered her mug. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

He then took an economics textbook out of his backpack and went over to the couch, sitting beside her scrawled dresses and flower hats. She cringed, but he didn’t seem to notice her doodles. Sakura slowly made her way back to her book and sat as close to the edge as she could, at this point gulping down the sangria.

Seriously? Sakura thought. That was how he wanted to go about things? He wanted to ignore what happened three weeks ago that essentially set the shroud of awkward that hung over them whenever they saw each other in the kitchen or the hall or the living room?! What the actual fu—

Ugh.

When the silence became too much for her to concentrate in, she turned to Sasuke and found him already looking at her.

“How was your break?” she asked. Granted, KU didn’t really offer a “break” so much as one single day.

“Good.”

“What did you do?”

“Helped my mom cook,” Sasuke said.

Sakura grinned. “Since when do you cook?”

“Excuse you, but if I recall correctly, I’m not the one who set off the smoke alarm from boiling water.” Her eyes widened and he smirked.

“THAT WAS ONE TIME!” Still blushing, she kicked him, but he only grabbed her ankle to steady her. “Hmph. Well, what did you cook?”

“Mashed potatoes.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “Oh, and that’s just such a feat. Look at you Top Chef Wonder.” She giggled at her own not particularly funny joke and told herself it was way too early in the day to already be tipsy. But from what she could remember, Sasuke actually was a great cook. “Is that all you made?” she continued.

“I made a pie, too, actually,” he said. Then he pushed her leg off his lap and went back to the kitchen. The bounce of her foot on the cushion was what made her realize the Sasuke had actually been drawing nonsensical things on her calf andandand—

No. No, she told herself. This. Is not. Allowed.

Finally, he came back with a Tupperware and a fork, handing them to her.

“What is this?” she asked, drawing her legs in and sitting up straight.

“Pie.”

“Huh?”

“Pie,” he repeated. “I made pumpkin pie. It’s Itachi’s favourite and I remembered that it’s yours too so I brought a slice back for you.” Sasuke shrugged and all but buried himself in his economics textbook.

Sakura smiled at the gesture. “Thank you,” she mumbled, poking at the pie.

He glanced at her but saw her focused on the dessert. “You’re welcome,” he replied into his book.

And after finishing the slice, Sakura picked up her own book. The two sat on the couch for a few hours simply reading in a comfortable silence.

October also came to mean sucking up. October meant heading over to office hours (even the ones that started at 9AM) and making an impression and getting on your professor’s good side so that at the end of the semester, when they were determining Naruto’s participation grade, they would remember his bright hair and bright clothes at each and every lecture.

But this year, their final year, meant going to office hours would no longer just be about proposing separate essay topics or clarifying anything said in class.

This year meant reference letters.

Reference letters for grad school.

But those also meant office hours, which, with Naruto’s luck, meant 9AM with Dr. Kakashi Hatake – which actually kind of sort of meant 10AM considering the man was always late…

Still, that was early considering said hours were on a Friday.

“Let’s move, lazyass!”

“But I’m tired,” Naruto whined, lagging behind Sakura. “Can’t we just be death eaters?”

“No!”

“Or we can just be homeless,” he pointed out. They were on their way to the Humanities Building where Sakura was going solely as Naruto’s moral support while he asked for letters of recommendation. Naruto Uzumaki was going to graduate school, but… well, he was sort of too much of a wimp to approach his favourite professors alone. Likewise, Naruto may or may not have treated her to slash bribed her with a delicious lemon poppy seed muffin and chai tea latte for breakfast.

“I have worked too hard all these years to be homeless,” Sakura said between sips of her drink.

“Fine, not homeless, per se.” Nevertheless, Naruto continued along to the Humanities Building. He stopped the oblivious Sakura from walking into the doors, knowing that for whatever annoying reason, the automatic doors weren’t so automatic. He knew. He may or may not have walked into said doors before…

“Oh?”

“We can live in a box,” Naruto told her with a wink.

She rolled her eyes. “Just ask for your letters, Naruto.”

“I don’t know what to say!” But they were already in the elevator.

“You say ‘Hey, Kakashi, I really want to come back to KU for another year to do more readings and write more papers and lead more seminars yada yada yada.’ He’ll love it.” The sad thing was that Sakura wasn’t joking. She’d had Dr. Hatake in her first-year “Literature for our Time” course with Naruto and from her own visits and talks with the man, she’d come to know what he was like.

And well… Naruto looked like he was considering.

“Do you honestly think that would work?”

“I have full faith.”

She genuinely did.

Sakura herself had been going with the more formal approach of: “Dr. Whatever, would you be willing to write me a positive letter recommendation for X Med School?” Most of her professors were very familiar with her and her study habits and her amazing work, so Sakura didn’t actually need to put the operative “positive” in her requests, but it didn’t hurt to stay safe.

But with a professor like Kakashi, things would work out fine for Naruto.

They stood outside of Kakashi’s office and Sakura gave Naruto a pat on the back. “Do you have any idea what you’d want to research though?”

Naruto nodded. “Gothic literature!” he told her eagerly, looking ready to actually tell her more. “I’d like to look at the late eighteenth century and then maybe at the revival of Gothic literature in contemporary times. I mean, Gothic work is just so prevalent nowadays and—”

“Don’t tell me this stuff,” Sakura interrupted. She pointed to Kakashi’s open door. “Tell him!”

“Oh, right…” Naruto laughed awkwardly. “Okay. I can do this.”

“You can do this.”

“I can!”

“You can!”

“…I CAN’T.”

Fed up, Sakura pushed him into Kakashi’s office.

“Okay, so that went better than expected.”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “I told you.”

“Yeah, I know…” Naruto shrugged. “The entire asking-thing is just… nerve-wracking, I suppose.”

The two were at one of their favourite off campus haunts that served Sakura’s favourite sangria and made some of the greatest ramen Naruto had ever tasted. Sure, it was only noon, but it was never to early for wine and whining – at least, that was Sakura’s philosophy. And well, it had served her well for the past three years so…

Besides, it was Friday. Why not get nice and day drunk?

“So what schools are you applying to?” she asked Naruto.

“KU, of course,” Naruto listed through a grimace. “But… I don’t think I’ll get in. KU is so evil, Sakura-chan!”

She nodded. “Oh, I know.” While completing an undergraduate degree at KU was a magical feat in their humble opinions, to complete one and be accepted into the university’s graduate programs would be hard considering the CGPAs most KU students usually escaped with. While Sakura knew she wouldn’t have any problems, she did know that Naruto might. “Where else?”

“Not sure.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “What? Naruto, don’t just apply to one grad school if you’re set on doing your Master’s!”

“You don’t think I can get in?”

Sakura sighed. “It’s not like that,” she said, “it’s just that these are competitive programs. You should at least apply to more than one. I mean, what would you do if you didn’t get into KU?”

“…become a death eater?”

“You are so—so—” She sighed again and finished off her sangria. She poured another glass and sipped on that. “You’re like Ino.”

“What? I don’t like Ino!”

“Huh?” Sakura laughed. “No, I said you’re like her, not that you like her. That’d be weird.” In her semi-drunken state that was starting to become Sakura’s default state, she missed the red on Naruto’s cheeks.

“Well, how is Ino, anyway? I haven’t seen we had that kegger in September.” Both of them cringed, remembering their own personal awkward mistakes from that night. Naruto made a face. “Yeah. Ino.”

But Sakura snorted. “Who’s Ino? Oh! Did you mean Ino, the girl who’s apparently my bestie?” Sakura looked a little bit bitter. Maybe she was. Maybe she’s been in dire need of a girlfriend for the past two months but Ino hasn’t really been that great of a friend. “Yeah, she’s studying. She basically won’t have any human contact aside from lectures until she takes her LSATs in December.”

“I see.” Naruto noticed the sad look on Sakura’s face and wasn’t sure if she wanted a serious attempt at comfort or some kind of joke. “Well…” Naruto shrugged. “At least she has plans?”

“Yeah,” Sakura said with a nod. “I guess I just miss her.”

“What law schools will she apply to?”

“I DON’T EVEN KNOW THAT!” Sakura yelled. Her face crumpled and she took a long swig of her drink. “I miss her, Naruto. I know I’m being irrational and that my period is probably coming—”

“Thank you.”

“—but I mean it’s like she just doesn’t care about anyone right now!” Sakura refilled her glass and finished that in one go. Naruto subtly ordered another pitcher and Sakura continued: “I mean, I’m not trying to be clingy. I get it. She has stuff to do. But like, I’m living with Sasuke! HOW HAS SHE NOT EVEN ASKED ME IF THAT IS REMOTELY OKAY?!”

“Huh?” Naruto blinked. “I thought you said that you were okay with that… Sort of.”

“I am!”

“What?” God. Why were women so confusing?!

“I don’t care about Sasuke, Naruto!” Sakura looked at him like he was the one acting crazy. “What I’m saying is that Ino—my Ino—would have texted me the first night asking if I reacquainted myself with Sasuke, followed by an unnecessary amount of wink-faces! Current Ino responds to my text messages days late and never wants to hang out. Like I’m not even allowed to go to the library with her because she thinks I’ll distract her!”

“…you kind of are a huge distraction.” Which she was. As surprising as it was, Sakura was actually the one between the two of them that could be found not working (but still, unfairly enough, maintaining a 4.0 CGPA, so like what the hell).

“NOT THE POINT.”

Their next pitcher arrived and Sakura’s face lit up. “I’m just sad, I guess,” she admitted forlornly. “Or tired. A bit of both.” She sighed and suddenly looked a bit bashful. “I’m sorry. I’ve been ranting all this time. How are you and Sasuke doing?”

Naruto levelled her with a flat stare. “You make us sound like a couple.”

“Aren’t you?”

“SAKURA-CHAN!”

She giggled and Naruto let her. Mocking his “bromance” with Sasuke was always something that could make Sakura smile so he let it go. But suddenly the smile fell and she adopted a serious look. A bad serious look.

“Hey!” she yelled, grabbing his hand on the table. “Are you single?”

Naruto felt very, very uncomfortable with her hand on his. “What?”

“I have this friend,” she clarified. “She’s seen you in a lot of my photos and has probably stalked you on every possible social network. She thinks you’re really good-looking. She’s a super sweet girl and I think the two of you would hit it off really well.”

“Are you…” The words felt weird coming out of his mouth. “Are you trying to set me up?”

“No. Maybe. Yes.”

“What?” Naruto laughed at the mere idea. “What’s her name?”

“Hinata Hyuuga. Really smart, really sweet, really pretty. You’d like her.” Sakura pulled out her phone and logged into her Facebook to find the girl’s profile. She was about to show Naruto a picture but he covered the phone and placed it face-down on the table. “What?”

“I trust your judgement.”

Sakura blinked, utterly astonished. “So… you’ll go on a date with her?”

Musing over all the nothing that had been going on his life as of late, Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go on a date with her.”

NOVEMBERi need to go to sleep

November was the worst. November was when you got back your midterms or assignments, cried, rechecked said midterms or assignments, cried again, and then drowned your sorrows in your alcoholic beverage of choice.

For Naruto that was beer.

And as Naruto whined over the grade he got on the paper he wrote the morning it was due, Sakura rubbed his back with one hand and scrolled through the Recently Added section of Netflix.

“It could be worse,” Sakura said.

“How could it have been worse?” Naruto asked her, his eyes still trained on the bolded 72 at the bottom of the page.

“Naruto, a 72 by KU standards is actually pretty damn good!”

“Oh, shut up Miss 4.0. Leave me alone. Leave me to wallow in my sorrow and beer. There is nothing left for me. Alas, woe is me!”

Sasuke, on the other hand, wasn’t nearly as comforting. “Listen, dumbass. You passed. Passing is good, remember? You’re fine.”

“PASSING ISN’T ENOUGH FOR GRAD SCHOOL, SASUKE.”

He sat down beside Sakura, leaving her between the two boys. He handed her a mug of sangria and passed a brand new beer over to Naruto, letting him drink it between awkward whining noises that mimicked some sort of dying animal. Sakura looked ready to say some more words of consolation but Sasuke shook his head, signalling for her to stop. “Leave him be,” Sasuke said. “He’s always like this when he gets back a grade.”

“I know but…” Sakura glanced at Naruto. “He looks so pitiful.”

“I AM LITERALLY RIGHT BESIDE YOU, SAKURA-CHAN.” Naruto sat up straight, letting the blanket he’d wrapped himself in fall back a little. He stole the remote away from her and began to look through the files of movies and shows from Suigetsu’s hard drive that they had connected to the television. “My life is over.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Your life isn’t over.”

“It is.”

“You’re being an idiot.”

“Listen, Princess,” Naruto hissed, now glaring at Sasuke. “Not all of us have names that all but grant entry into programs and internships and all those other pretty things.”

Sasuke took offence to that. “I still need to maintain a good GPA to get in, Naruto. My name isn’t everything.”

Naruto didn’t seem to have any proper response to go with that so he simply stood up, tightened his burrito of a blanket, and waddled away. He came back a few seconds later to grab his beer, but still gave Sasuke and Sakura one last look of contempt before leaving.

“Such a baby,” Sakura mumbled when he was gone.

---

ALRIGHT AND THAT IS WHERE IT ENDED. i did find this though. i assume it was supposed to be part of the november chapter, which i never finished:

“Oh,” she said, understanding his look of awkwardness. She rolled her eyes. “No, this isn’t a gift with some meaning behind it, Sasuke. I mean, you made me pie, remember? It’s not like it had some implied Sakura-you-goddess-please-take-my-unworthy-self-back between the bites, right?” When he failed to reply, Sakura only frowned before shrugging the matter off. “The point is, this is a gift for you from me, Sakura the Friend.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Friend?”

She nodded. “Well we are friends, aren’t we?” She preferred ‘friends’ to ‘two people stuck being around each other despite lingering awkwardness simply because they had way too many mutual friends.’ “Sasuke?”

“Yeah,” he eventually replied. “We’re friends.”

Sakura grinned and patted the tablet. “Then accept my gift, friend.” She winked, emphasizing the word weirdly.

“Okay, don’t ever do that again.”

and then this the outline:

December: i need to study

Go sledding at the university

Have a snowball fight on the field

Everyone goes out to celebrate after Ino’s LSAT and get unbelievably drunk

Sasuke and Sakura have gotten back together, which Naruto knows but doesn’t call them on

Goes to his house for Christmas because her parents are travelling

Ino and Naruto hang out

NYE party at the house

Ends with Sakura checking her KU email and realizing there is a problem with her potential graduation

January: i need another vacation

Sakura ends up being in a Jane Austen course with Naruto because she was told she needed a humanities credit

February: i need to fix my habits

Go on a road trip for Reading Week

Come home Sunday night and scramble

March: i just need to graduate

Naruto and Sakura discuss their Big Boy/Girl jobs and the likeliness of them

Naruto reveals that he’s seriously dating Ino

Sakura is happy for him and tells him about Sasuke

“I know. It’s not hard to tell. Why do you think rent isn’t so bad in that house? The walls are paper thin, you bitch.”

Dread paying back student loans

Sakura tells him she’s nervous because Sasuke is studying abroad next year whereas Sakura’s dream school is KU’s med school – will they break up again

Doesn’t tell him she plans to backpack for the year

“Do you realize this is like… the last time?”

April: i need to get in

Acceptance letters

May: i need my damn grades

Go on another road trip to unwind

June: i need to go back

Convocation

and i found this, which i think is meant to be in the january chapter:

“There is something very, very wrong with a situation if you are taking a class to bum notes off of Naruto.”

Sakura merely laughed as she spread out some sheets of paper and pretended to read them. She still had another two hours of work and she wasn’t particularly inclined to, well, work, and Tenten—the girl she shared the front desk with—didn’t really care whether she did anything or not.

“I know that sounded really bad,” Sakura said, “but I just need a Humanities credit.”

“Still!” Tenten urged, not even looking away from her computer screen. “Naruto.”

“He’s not as dumb as everyone thinks he is, you know.”

Tenten considered this before shrugging. “I suppose. He has been at KU for the past four years and is even graduating on time.”

“Exactly.” Sakura moved onto the mug of pens on her desk, testing each one to see which still had ink. “And he’s actually really good at Lit courses.”

“He should be,” Tenten replied with a snort. “I mean, that is what he’s specializing in.” Her chair squeaked when she leaned back and pushed away from her desk to roll over near Sakura. Their desk was L-shaped with each of them on one side. “What course is it again?” she asked. But being the fidgety person that she was, Tenten moved to put away some student files. She climbed onto the stool and alphabetizing. “It was something cheesy.”

“Austen and Her Contemporaries.” Sakura hadn’t gotten past her first word before Tenten burst out into giggles. She couldn’t help but smirk when another thought came to mind. “Want to know something even better?”

Tenten gave Sakura her full attention. “Um, obviously.”

“Sasuke’s taking it with us too.”

oh man.

thank you for asking about this fic because i had absolutely no recollection of it but as i read all these docs, i realized how trashy i was in undergrad. and how frightened i was of graduating! just reading this makes me remember how afraid of growing up i used to be -- of not being a student and having to get a job and running out of time. but man i’ve been so much happier since then. the fear of “running out of time” is always around but i also have lost the will to care about people and/or things as the years have gone by.

ok sorry that totally wasn’t your question lmao. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE ROLLERCOASTER OF THAT OUTLINE.

how did it end? well, everyone graduated. presumably everyone got into the post-grad programs of their dreams (although funding??). the naruto arc was totally based on me in my 4th year and his plans are NOT where my future went lmao. although to be clear, future him is definitely satisfied with where his life took him. ss and ni double dated happily ever after. maybe. probably.

#Anonymous

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layaltheblogger2019 · 5 years

Text

A compilation of your favorite songs this semester: what experiences do they remind you of? when you like to listen to them?

A year in music

Aka freshman year was pretty wild.

Note: I’ve linked the music that I mention to start at around the time the quoted lyrics start playing but feel free to listen to the songs from the beginning!

Music. Whether you’re the kind of person that rarely listens or the kind that always has a soundtrack playing in your head, you can’t deny that music is sort of everywhere you go. I myself am not a very regular listener, but I can appreciate a good chorus or beat when I hear it. When I listen to music, I close my eyes and allow myself to be carried away by the poetry of the lyrics and pulled under by the hidden meanings of certain verses. When I listen to music, I envelop myself in a song like a caterpillar in a cocoon, and invariably attach a feeling, person, or life event to it. Particularly when I am at the highs and lows of the sine graph that is my life do I look to music to find some way to explain how I feel.

Freshman year at MIT was one of the craziest sine curves I could have ever imagined; it was one of the most life-changing years of my life. I transformed so much that there were times I didn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. I morphed in such a way that sometimes others didn’t recognize me. I made a lot of mistakes. But I also grew up, became more experienced, found my identity, and blazed my own trail. This is my freshman year in music:

September – Phone by Mickey Singh Making new friends

I was in Aliza’s room. After a good venting session on my part and some delicious pudding, courtesy of her snack shelf, we each began to work on our own assignments and responsibilities, her at her desk, me sitting on her bed. She asked if she could play music, to which I agreed. There were awkward pauses in the flow of interaction between us, but it was endearing, as is typical on the path of new friendship. Everything was quite normal, until a song I didn’t recognize began to play. It was poppy; it was intriguing. And it was in a different language. ‘Do you want me to skip this’, she asked quickly. ‘My YouTube is on autoplay and it automatically played desi music’. As it stood in that moment, we were two people from unlike backgrounds who didn’t know that much about each other yet. I was an Arab from Florida, she, a Pakistani from New Jersey. I hesitated momentarily before I replied with ‘no, I like it’. And I did like it.

Little did I know that this would become a common soundtrack throughout my fall, a beat that reminded me of my first naïve but confident steps into independence. A beat that reminded me of true happiness and freedom. A beat that reminded me of my first, wonderful group of friends.

October – My Blood by Twenty One Pilots Making a home somewhere new

Homesickness. If you asked me in December, freshman fall was like heaven on earth. At least that’s how it felt like when it was ending. But near its beginning, I wasn’t totally happy. I missed home, my family, and my friends. Everyone I loved was together back in Florida, I was much further north. It was colder here, lonelier here. Sometimes I got impatient that I wasn’t good at conversation, that I somehow couldn’t make as many friends, that I couldn’t figure out my academics, that I just couldn’t do anything—as well as my peers could.

I just felt at a loss sometimes.

Stay with me, no, you don't need to run Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run

(I may be biased because I went to a Twenty One Pilots concert at the end of October)

November – Still Feel by Half Alive Making it through

I was kind of killing it: getting psets done, practicing swimming (to pass the boat test), going to the gym. This was the beginning of what I guess I could call my sprint to the finish. I had my life together – for like the first two weeks anyway.

But then I was barely holding on. Psets were crammed hours before they were due, swimming turned into sinking, and things weren’t going too well. Then I found a medium place, where I was just making it. I was half alive, and I was okay with that.

I still feel alive When it is hopeless, I start to notice And I still feel alive Falling forward, back into orbit

That’s what November felt like.

December – Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran Made it

December was hugs farewell and tying loose ends. December was last assignments and final exams. December was crossing the finish line with a second to spare. December was the feeling of belonging somewhere. (And then shortly after, having to leave it)

I said goodbye to a good friend, Samar along with a few others as we drove her to the airport, Castle on the Hill playing in the background. I made a semester recap video to the same song, which brought back nostalgia for times I had only experienced a few weeks prior.

Found my heart and broke it here Made friends and lost them through the years And I've not seen the roaring fields in so long, I know I've grown But I can't wait to go home

And going home for winter break, my last view of MIT in 2018 was a room filled with people I really cared about, all playing the same game, eating pizza and laughing, all smiling and waving back at me.

Since when could you feel homesick for two places at once?

January –What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club Making a new path

I don’t remember much about January except that it was very cold and very dark. Over IAP, I was still surrounded by the warmth and light of friends who were here, and I was also taking more classes than humanly possible. This song reminds me of waking up on a lazy and dim IAP morning, looking at the gray sky and frosty-covered outside as it snowed, wrapped up in navy bedsheets.

February –100 Bad Days by AJR Making mistakes

A rough start to a semester. But it’s too early to give up isn’t it?

When all is going wrong and you're scared as hell What you gonna do? Who you gonna tell? Maybe a hundred bad days made a hundred good stories A hundred good stories make me interesting at parties

March – Connection by OneRepublic Making choices

Things are moving too fast, I’m changing too fast, there’s so much to do and so much to think about. I don’t know what I’m doing. I am an impostor. I wish I could take a break. I need help. Who do I turn to? Why do I feel like such a burden?

Maybe I should try to find the old me Take me to the places and the people that know me Tryin’ to disconnect, thinking maybe you could show me If there’s so many people here, then why am I so lonely? Can I get a connection? Can I get, can I get a connection?

April – Viva La Vida by Coldplay Making progress

There was one very special Sunday in April. I made time with some others to go to Revere Beach. And to say it was a welcome distraction from the stress is an understatement. We were there for maybe a collective hour, but the entirety of the trip gave me a feeling of love I didn’t know I needed. Self love. Love of nature. Love from others. Love for others. Loving the small moments of bliss and joy that I can get in these busy times.

On our way there, we sat in the car singing along to the sound of nostalgia, laughing our responsibilities away, and putting our arms out the window to feel the wind on our skin: all to feel something again.

And once we were driving on a bridge we heard this:

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can’t explain Once you go there was never, never a honest word And that was when I ruled the world

For a brief moment, we did rule the world. All of us in that car. That is what happiness feels like when you most need it.

May – Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol Breaking down

May was hugs farewell and tying loose ends. May was last-minute projects and final exams. May was crossing the finish line with two seconds to spare. May was loss, heartbreak, and unstoppable tears.

Aliza was killed by a drunk driver shortly after we all said goodbye to her for the summer. We didn’t realize how long we’d be saying goodbye for.

The night before she left MIT to go home we got late night from Maseeh dining and then, because of the beautiful weather, decided to sit on the sidewalk, right between Maseeh and McCormick. And we sat there for a wonderous half hour. I had a final the next morning, but the weather was too good, the company even better. We could see the remains of the full moon in our periphery. We didn’t know what would happen when the sun rose, but we focused on the cool breeze on our faces, the stars in our eyes. I never wanted to leave.

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told Before we get too old Show me a garden that's bursting into life

I am so lucky to have met her.

June (encore) – Good Grief by Bastille Making it through life, one step at a time

A summer in Boston that I put together very last minute, my life is slowly rebuilding. It’s a mess, but what life isn’t? I’m nervous to see the outcome, and I worry about tomorrow before I get through today. What can I do except try my best then hope it all works out?

Watching through my fingers, watching through my fingers In my thoughts you're far away And you are whistling the melody, whistling the melody Crystallizing clear as day Oh, I can picture you so easily, picture you so easily What's gonna be left of the world if you're not in it? What's gonna be left of the world, oh Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more Every stumble and each misfire I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more

(I still miss you)

Since my freshman year has ended, I haven’t really been able to slow down and reflect on everything that has happened. Until I sat in front of my computer to write this.

From where I stand now, I know things will get better again. Then they will inevitably get worse. It’s kind of how sine graphs flow. But I am the producer of my own track, I am the composer of my life symphony. There are three more years of new people to meet, interesting classes to take, difficult problems to face, and melodies for me to piece together. And once it’s all over, I can’t wait to take a look at what has been created. Once it’s all over, I can’t wait to press play.

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deeeelightfuldee · 3 years

Text

surveys 053.

do you sing in the shower? oh every single time. Its something I look forward to.

do you think money makes people happy? As someone who currently relies on birthdays and holidays as her income, I can tell you it would relieve a bit of stress from me to even have like 100 bucks a month.

what's your relationship status? single.

what time is it? 12:25 am

what emotion are you feeling right now? I’m all over the place. Tonight Kile and I were messaging back n forth in a consistent manner which we haven’t done in a long time. Things were a bit romantic, which was extremely hard for me to deny participation in, and then it ended with me saying bye. boy it is hard to let go of him

do you have netflix? I do.

have you ever traveled outside your home country? no. Sadly, without a shot I will not be getting, I’m unsure of how I’ll be able to until the restrictions lessen.

coffee or tea? teeeeeeea pls.

shower or bath? Shower unless the bath is deep enough to cover my long self.

what's your favorite pizza topping? depends on what kind of pizza. For instance, Jacks just GETS how to do supreme. some places nail the pepperoni, or fresh garlic or whatever.

what's something that makes you happy? thinking about decorating my own place one day.

do you have siblings or are you an only child? I have 2 brothers and 1 sister

what's your favorite instrument? Piano, cello, drums

what's your favorite food? today it is fruity pebbles.

what is something you are always losing? I am pretty consistent on things going back to their original spot. I suppose if I’m losing something maybe it’d be like a scrunchie.

are you good at spelling? a good amount of the time.

what is one goal you have? all my goals are shifting.

did you get a flu shot this year? Nooo. never have.

what's your favorite Disney movie? oh boy. i am not good with narrowing down those. are you bored? Not really, I’m just trying to keep my mind occupied until I’m sleepy.

what are you listening to? serendipity, bennys tail hitting my pillow, and my fans.

what's your favorite foreign language? I think it depends. are we talking for the way it sounds? or one that I’d want to learn?

what do you do when you can't sleep? this, read, find quotes, do puzzles, stare at the ceiling.

do you like cats or dogs better? this is one of my very least favorite questions to be asked. why would anyone want to choose between the two? both are so great.

do you have any piercings? Just my ears

what's your favorite vegetable? Potatoes

do you eat meat? Yeah.

what's your favorite season? any of them minus summer. Honestly, probably winter.

do you still write letters? I love to, but I no longer have anyone to write to.

what would make you really happy right now? i think a distraction that comes from having a crush.

what's your favorite song? ooo this changes but right now i’m into a lot of blue october.

are you good at giving advice? so, I’m the person you go to for advice if you want the moral, behaved, “you won’t regret this later” type advice. I’m great at giving that.

what's your favorite hobby? Right now, this.

do you prefer to talk or text? That is going to depend on the person. almost always text. But some people.. their voice is just intoxicating.

what's your favorite pair of shoes? I’m going to have to trash all my shoes for ones with heel support.

how often do you read? (as in books) usually daily, but I’ve fallen out of that lately.

do you have any pets? I have 2 cats currently. I really want a golden retriever, but hey.

what's your favorite day of the week? they’re all similar at the moment, but probably saturdays

are you in college? I’m in the inbetween. Finished 2 bachelors, but am waiting for grad program

are you/have you ever been in a long distance relationship? I have been,

how do you typically listen to music? I use Spotify. either thru my headphones, my bluetooth speaker, the kitchen google, or my phone.

do you like going to the beach? I do so long as I have shade or the water is good to swim in.

did you make any new year's resolutions? I think pandemic NY resolutions were all about survival thru mentally exhausting times.

how old are you? 29 yrs young

do you know anyone who is blind? I do

who is someone you admire? My mom

do you have a good singing voice? when I was a kiddo, preteen, and teen yes. not any longer.

are your nails painted? Nope. I just wanted a break from keeping up with them.

Are you an extrovert or introvert? I’m an introvert but I can behave very well with the extroverts.

what are you having/had for dinner tonight? I had some tacos.

do you ever write in a journal? I would like to begin again, but this is a decent makeshift option

if you could time travel when/where would you go? I mean I’d love to go back to some great memories, but I worry that could be painful beyond repair.

what's your favorite animal? whales.

what's your favorite kind of cereal? honestly my cravings for cereal are for any kinds that I can no longer have. so dont ask.

how was your day? I’m only 44 minutes into it.

do you ever listen to classical music? I do. Clair de lune is one of the best

what inspires you? learning. learning always inspires me.

how many pillows do you sleep with? I have like 20. OK huge exaggeration. I believe the true number of sleeping pillows is 4 large, 1 mini.

how many hours of sleep do you need? I typically run off of about 3. I’ve had sleep studies done regarding that. But If I’m getting good oxygen and the temp is coooooooold I sleep so good.

do you have big or small feet? I have pretty average to slightly bigger.

what's the weather like where you are? It’s been in the upper 80s.

what's the most interesting thing you can see out the window? just the reflection from my TV. it’s real dark out.

does/did your high school have a school song? no.

what month is your birthday in? July.

what's your dream job? the brain.

are you excited for summer? I’ve had a lovely summer, truly.

what foreign country would you want to live in for 6 months? switzerland.

did you have to go to school today? No, no I have not.

win a million $$ or never have to pay for anything again? Never have to pay for anything. Why would that even be a question. do you throw coins into fountains? when I was a kiddo

do you have a trampoline? Nope

what's your favorite song lyric? what if we could put our lives on hold and meet somewhere inside of the world, I would meet you... would you meet me?

what did you eat the last time you went to the movies? Ill be honest IDK if we even got food.

do you ever measure time in songs? only if I’m in the shower. I’ll be like ahhh I’m 4 songs in.

do you know how to play chess? I’ve been taught MULTIPLE times. have I retained any of them? na.

what's your favorite game? (any type) right now I’m digging skipbo, trionomos, rummykub, and trouble.

do you enjoy traveling? I love it. so much.

do you tend to wait till the last minute? nope. I’m almost always 2 weeks prior

have you ever owned a goldfish? Yep!

how do you relieve stress? go on a drive.

without looking it up, guess the outside temperature? I’d guess maybe 70. lemme see how close I am. 68!

now look it up - how close were you? woops. 68! two off.

do you prefer digital or analog clocks/watches? Digi.

do you prefer to shop in stores or online? I almost always prefer online, but in store has its own perks like seeing the quality of things.

do you enjoy coloring? oh heck’n yea do you like to dance? I do!

have you ever owned a horse? my family did, yes

do you take selfies? oh i do. MUCH less now, than I did before. before I used to send kile like 10 a day. now I might take 2 per week.

do you ever listen to music in languages besides English? Not often, but on occasion

have you ever cried from listening to a song? absolutely.

do you prefer headphones or earbuds? so I appreciate how headphones are safer for the ears, but i typically wear earbuds.

can you speak Spanish? Very little. like a few words

what's the last thing you watched on youtube froggy freshhhhhhhhh dunked on now what time is it? 12:57. Im getting sleepy. --------- ok now it’s 859 am. I passed out last night.

do you ever watch musicals? sometimes. it’s not my favorite thing

do you know anyone who's a twin? Yeppp

do you ever get carsick? oh heck yeah, i do love the windows open

what's your opinion on wolves? I really never had an opinion. check back.

when you're sad do you prefer sad music or happy music? sad. indulge me

do you like seafood? Nooo. i wish

do you enjoy going to the zoo? no. i really dont. are there any celebrities from your hometown? uhhhh not that I know of

do you shower in the morning or at night? morning if I was great hair. If I want meh hair, night

do you prefer to work alone or in a group? Alone. ALWAYS.

do you go to the gym alone or with a friend? I don’t go to the gym. < problem solved.

do you like coconut? I like the scent but not the food. <<< SAME who is someone you're jealous of? JV for her abs

what's your favorite place to go out for breakfast? eggheadz

do you still have your christmas tree up? nah. its a tickle early (july)

do you have a favorite type of bird? cardinal.

have you ever had an overnight flight anywhere? yup. plenty of times.

if you use them, tell me 5 of your recently used emojis heart eyes, disappointed looking off to the side, sad face with eyes closed, hearts all over the face, and rolling eyes.

do you know anyone that plays the violin? yep.

how much money is in your wallet right now? I would need to count

anything you're looking forward to tomorrow? having been done with packing lol

have you ever auditioned for anything? yeah I used to do auditions all the time for plays I was in.

did you have a webkinz when you were younger? No.

how would you describe your aesthetic? airy, comfy, inviting, warm

have you ever been told you look like a celebrity? yeah a couple times but its like not even a tiny bit close.

when was the last time you rode a bus? i have never.

if you saw $50 on the ground what would you do? is there a wallet attached?

do you know how to play any unusual instruments? yeah. don’t ask me. I’m not pleased about it.

are you an early bird or a night owl? kind of both.

have you ever had trouble understanding someone because of an accent? oh yes. But the more time you spend talking to those individuals who have accents stronger than what you’re used to, become very easy to understand over time.

do you ever go to Massachusetts? I’ve never been but I’d love to go.

do you personally know anyone who is transgender? yeah a few people I’ve met through school.

do you remember anything from when you were 5 or younger? yeah a few very small memories.

do you need to do laundry? yes I desperately need to pack and I’m waiting on the laundry for that to happen.

do you know anyone (including yourself) who actually enjoys math? NOT ME. not even close to me. Kile seemed to like it.

do you have a favorite poem? the one written for meeeeee

if you were from somewhere else, would you visit your town on vacation? I don’t think i’d think of it, it’s not near anything specific.

where would you spend $100 if you had to spend it all in one store? amazon.

would you rather go to Japan or Greece? Greece.

now what song are you listening to? Gilmore girls, text notifications, fans

what are you wearing right now? shorts and a blue teeshirt. Bout to just be in a short shorts so I can tan.

any fun plans for the weekend? travelingggggg.

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mostosbucketlist · 4 years

Text

What started off as something just basic with my parents ended up being something so special.

Let’s start at the beginning.

Doing a civil was something I wanted right from the start. Bridemaids, Reinhards, Esther, Danica, KC, Eina & Liana were the ones that were advised; I think that’s everyone.

Early Jan I was searching and found just a plan white dress.

His family said they were all coming down for it and took annual leave. Its rare that his whole family comes due to the dog.

We were discussing decor.. okay cool this will be pretty..

Pauly built the arch.. okay this is going to be a thing..

I then decided to buy a boho style dress. Supplier advised it was going to take 10 days to make, I then added express postage. I purchased in Feb which allowed 2 weeks for it to be made and posted, 2 weeks for any delays with postage with then, 2 weeks to just sit in the closet and time for me to buy another in person if I didn’t like it once I tried it on. Due to a national PH, they were away for weeks.. The dress was shipped the week before the wedding with an ETA on Wednesday. We were going to Bendigo on Thursday & the wedding was Friday. To my relief it arrived from abroad within 2-3 days due to the DHL express. NAKAKA STRESS

We made our custom give aways, put them in cute bags and added tissue paper aaaand had cute tags. I did the custom pencilcase/make up bags for the ladies, Pauly did the custom gym towels for the boys. For the parents, candle, glass mug & AirPods case.

The time has come.

Thursday I got my hair done as I did not want anymore regrowth showing. All the boys got their cuts and Tita got her hair cut and dyed also. Jen’s mom was busy, she did all of our hair personally!

Headed to the flower market and Costco before heading home and packing the cars

Arriving in Bendigo, the house was perf.

Left the fam and stayed at my parents house.

His family did all the preparations for the day while I had a sleep in hehe. His family supplied all the flowers and arch decor.. Well.. Jaimie texted me at 8am.. Mom woke me up at 9am.. Eina texted me at 10am.. HAHA So I finally got up. I kept waking up all night - didn’t get much sleep but that’s okay got my new eye masks ye ye.

Left for Kmart to get lashes and headed to the house.

Karizza was already there, Pauly almost walked into the bathroom and saw me. (As you’re not suppose to see the bride) He was so quick at turning and exiting that I couldn’t even see who it was but then realised with Bill laughing.

With less than one hour to get ready started on my makeup. Planned to get my hair done the day before so I wouldn’t have to do it. I literally just put a clip in it and done. I actually did good on my makeup can’t believe it. It was obviously light but you could tell I was wearing it. Karizza was getting ready, Kylie was chilling and mom was STILL getting ready ofc.

Guests were starting to arrive.. eeee

Karizza & Kylie helped me with my dress.

It was 1:08pm.. Pushed mom out the door since she was lagging the wedding. I was left alone in the room and the nerves starting kicking in. Karizza let me know when to come out and opened the door for me. As I walked out and saw everything I was okay.. cool.. calm.. just nervous. Then I picked up on the music and he turned around.. The waterfall started. I barely looked at him the whole time because I just kept crying, so I looked above him and to his side at the sky and trees.

Heather’s words were beautiful, it was time for the vowes. She asked us to write our own vowes which I didn’t want to do because it meant it would be meaningful words from da heart. Paul went first “Making you smile and laugh is my life’s greatest achievement and will be till we’re grey and old.” Waterfall nanaman.. “I grew up as an only child” then started balling. Ripped my falling lash off hanging by a thread; but my other lash was on pretty good. Heather asked to take over, I instantly said YES. Though I should’ve said no and pushed myself to say it - I don’t think I really could’ve as it was so personal. Just kept thinking about my love for Pauly and my dad. (Crying as I write this now) I then read my promises. I was able to do this as it wasn’t the past or present but the future.

Signing We went first, Followed by Karizza and my dad as the second witness. Ever since the start, I always wanted Karizza on the marriage cert as she’s my forever. Having my dad’s signature on the cert is so so special to me. I can now breathe as my biggest fear as surpassed. My dad was at my wedding.

Photo time. Was able to get dad standing for the Stokie family photo and quickly pulled the wheelchair back in after a few seconds. Karizza was given the camera for the Gaite family photos. I was like why Karizza HAHA The funny thing is, there was about 10 photos so plenty to choose from but they were all blurry HAHAHA. We got one shot with half of us clear and half blurry HAHA, we got one and eyes are all open - it’ll do.

Time to EAT! I hadn’t eaten all morning and wasn’t even hungry - when you’re so busy you don’t even think about food. We did the cake cutting followed by food. The photos were actually really cute. The cake was both delicious and beautiful - by Nana ofc.

It was 3pm and I figured it was time for dad to go home. Jess offered to drop him home as I was just gonna do it. As dad’d chair is a travel wheelchair, didn’t do well on the grass. He had to walk all the way from the back to the car. He had a procession following him. Just making sure he was okay and had mostly Tito and brothers helping dad. (Dad mentioned on Saturday that his ankles were really sore from all the walking yday)

We played games and most of us changed into chill clothes. Couple of hours before we were heading out to take outside photos. It was so special that was Karizza was there spending some time with his fam.. well I should be saying my extended fam now

Went to the park and cathedral to take sunset photos. I really need to do some research and be ready with poses for October. Ended the night with food and more games

Reflection.

On our way back to Melbourne on Saturday, we were talking about how perfect Yday went. Everything about it was perfect: The location, The set up and decor, The weather (Even if it was 29 degrees and were all sweating), the vibes. We were not expecting to have the day be as special as it was. We’re so happy and glad we did an intimate civil and I’m so thankful that my dad was there. Very thankful for everyone’s help and ALL the little things on Friday. Nothing was left unnoticed. Though we regret not taking this week off HAHA, back to work and normal life.. Literally because we both underplayed how special it was going to be and how we’d feel. I will add, ofc Pauly did not cry.

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imgoldielikehawn · 7 years

Text

The Long Road Ahead: These Words

Paring/ Jensen Ackles x Reader

Rating/ A for Angst

Word Count/ 1,895

Part 1 Here

@anotherwaywardsister

The coming weeks were some of the most trying for both you and Jensen. When word got out of Jensens and Danneels marriage issues they started treating Jensen differently on set which only made things worse. You were scheduled for scenes all day long and didn’t really have time to go over and check on him as often as you wanted to. It had been a long day of action sequences and honestly you were exhausted as you made your way back to your trailer. You flopped down on the couch and opted to send Jensen a text instead of going over in case he was still filming for the day.

When you got to Jensens trailer you noticed it was quite frankly a pigsty and made no point to hide your disgust.

“Jen what the hell?” You frowned immediately heading under the sink for a trash bag.

“I forgot to clean things up before I left for set this morning.” He said embarrassed.

“This morning? This is from a few days, Jen this place is a disaster. I know you’re having a hard time right now but I am not about to be best friends with a slob.” You joked piling Chinese boxes and chip bags into the trash bag.

You picked up the trash while Jensen tossed the clothes and other things in the laundry bin. You stood back to watch him clean up and took the time to really look at Jensen for the first time in a long time. His hair had no gel in it and he was wearing the same shirt from yesterday. His pants had a stain on them and you were pretty sure that he’d been eating like crap since Dani broke the news.

“Jensen?” You asked patting the seat beside you.

“What?” he asked coming to sit down next to you. You took note of the fact that he slipped deep into the couch. It looked like he sat in the same spot every day.

“Umm, when is the last time you took a shower?” You asked hesitantly and he groaned in response giving you your answer.

You smacked your hands against your knees and stood up from the couch. Jensen made a face as you walked over to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The sound of the water hitting the shower wall made him groan again and he stood up and walked to the bathroom door as you stepped aside.

“I’ll be here when you get out.” You crossed your arms and walked back to the couch.

“You know I’m a grown man right?” He rolled his eyes pulling his shirt over his head. It was very clear in that moment that Jensen was no stranger to the gym and it showed. His shirt slid over his abs giving you a perfect view of his freckled torso and you swallowed deeply. The discomfort you felt only worsened when you looked over the top of your phone at the sound of his belt hitting the floor. You didn’t know whether to panic in silence or make a scene. You thought about just getting up to leave but you already said you’d be here when he got out.

“Jensen! Can you strip inside of the bathroom?” You said trying to keep your voice even.

“Ace we’ve been Best friends for 23 years. You act like you’ve never seen me naked.” He chuckled taking a step inside the bathroom.

“The last time I saw you naked was when I was in college and I’d like to keep it that way!” You smirked and shook your head.

He made some smart remark that you couldn’t make out rolling your eyes you went back to your phone. The news of Danneel asking for a divorce had not hit social media yet and for that you were grateful. You didn’t know how much Jen would be able to handle all at once and with just the notion of impending divorce he wasn’t doing well. You vowed to keep an eye on him from now on and even more so if the two of them could not work things out.

Jensen came out of the bathroom thirty minutes later in nothing but a towel and you did your best to control your face expression. He walked to the back room and pushed the door closed behind him leaving a generous sized crack as light shined out. Clutching your hands to your chest you decided that it was time to get the hell out of there.

“Alright Jen I’m going to head out; I have an early morning tomorrow!” You called out loudly getting up from the couch.

He sauntered out of the bedroom is nothing but pair of plaid sleeping pants and you fought back an eye roll.

“Where’s your sense of modesty Ackles? “ You raised an eyebrow and sighed.

“Never had one.” He smirked and pulled you into his arms for a hug. You weren’t very tall to begin with so you fit into his embrace perfectly just as you always had.

“Alright big boy, that’s enough of the sappiness. Go to bed and try to get some sleep.” You pulled back and reached up to ruffle his hair.

“You haven’t done that in a while.” He smiled and rubbed the back of his neck.

“You haven’t needed it.” You shrugged and turned towards the door.

“Night Ace.” He shifted oddly from one foot to the next.

You gave a cocky salute and headed down the stairs shaking your head again as the door slammed shut behind you. The walk to your set took longer than expected and you couldn’t help yourself as you replayed the sight of Jensen coming out of the shower over and over again in your mind. “I don’t have time for this.” you scolded yourself.

That night was spent tossing and turning as you tried desperately to find sleep. Your dreams were filled with old memories of you and Jensen growing up. Memories you had buried after all these years and with everything going on your friendship with him was more important than ever.

The next morning was an early one as there was a meeting before shooting for the day. The meeting was about the upcoming trips to the man cons happening this year and that you all would be tagging along during some of the supernatural cons as well. What shocked you the most was the talk of a few of you appearing on a few of the Supernatural episodes including the Halloween Special? After the meeting broke you each reported to makeup and settled in for the long day ahead. The scene you were in required a flashback so your hair and clothing resembled a traditional pin up look and your outfit was quite uncomfortable. The stylist was finishing up with your hair when Jared came storming the trailer.

“Danneel is on set and it is not going well.” He blanched and you knew it was serious.

“I’m not needed on set for a while do you need me to come with you?” You asked wearily.

Jared nodded and you got up from your seat after thanking the stylist and headed out into the cold October air. The walk to the set was silent and before you knew it you were standing at Jensens trailer door listening to the screaming coming from inside.

“ YOU KNOW WE WOULDN’T EVEN BE IN THIS MES IF YOU WERE EVER HOME!” Dannis voice reached a level you had never heard and you stopped in your tracks at the first step.

“IM THERE FOR YOU GUYS WHEN I CAN BE! IM DOING MY BEST HERE, ITS NOT LIKE I DON’T WANT TO BE HOME WITH YOU GUYS!” Jensen screamed back.

you started to wonder where the twins and “JJ” were and you looked expectantly at Jared.

“The Kids?” was all you said.

“ JJ is at her grandparents and the twins were with them the last I checked” He sighed.

You gave it a few more moments before you walked up the steps and knocked on the door. You felt tense but knew that no one else was going to put an end to it and if you couldn’t get them to stop at least you could remove the twins from the situation.

The door flew open and Jensen appeared red faced and the veins in his neck throbbing.

“Now is not a good time Y/N” his voice was strained and his pupils were large and darted back and forth.

“I’m not here for you.” You frowned, unimpressed with his behavior.

Moving past him so saw Danneel holding one twin with tears in her eyes and her hair disheveled but even in all this stress she looked absolutely gorgeous.

“They can hear us can’t they?” She sniffed.

“Yeah Dani, they can all hear you. I just came in to see if you needed help with the twins so you two can finish your conversation.” you lowered your eyes awkwardly.

“There is nothing else for us to talk about. I won’t keep you from your children Jen but I can’t do this anymore.” She turned to Jen.

“But I love you.” Hearing Jensen Plead with Danneel made you uncomfortable and you regretted walking through that door.

“Love is not enough baby, I need support. I’m exhausted and stretched thin. We’ve been doing this for seven years. Seven loyal years I’ve been by your side and we have a beautiful family; but I need to do what’s best for me and our babies and that means taking care of myself.” She Passed Zep to you and walked up to Jensen and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“I just need some time to compose myself and then I’ll be back to get the twins Y/N.” She said looking over at you. You nodded and watched her walk out of the trailer. Jensen walked to the back room looking torn to shreds and you couldn’t help the pang of guilt in your heart. You had never seen him this way about any woman in all the years that you’d known him. Danneel was “The one” and he was shattered you stood there with Zep pulling at your shirt and Jared walked into the trailer.

“Where is he?” He asked.

“I think he’s in the back with Arrow.” You jerked you head in the direction of the small bedroom.

Jared walked back and closed the door behind him and was back out in a matter of minutes with Arrow in his arms. He had bundled her up and brought out a small blanket for Zep.

“I think he needs some time.” He said and handed you the blanket. After wrapping Zep up the two of you headed out of the trailer and took a walk.

“What are we going to do?” Jared said aloud more to himself than anyone.

“We’re going to gear up and be there for our family. That’s what they are, Family.” You leaned forward and planted a small kiss on Zeps forehead and sighed.

“It’s going to be a long year isn’t it?” He said stopping to look over at you.

“Yeah it is Jare… it really is.” you fell in stride beside Jared as the two of you continued to walk the trail……

#Jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles #jared padalecki #supernatural fic #iamgoldie

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chubbysweettooth · 5 years

Text

Life love stress and set backs

Haven’t wrote in this since November, and it’s hard to recollect everything but but as of right now life sucks once again. And Its s somewhat all foo familiar situation.

Sunday, cinco de Mayo. We hadn’t really talked or saw each other last week. You’ve been stopping the sexual occurrences as of late but they have still snuck in. Last week we had sex, but argued. If I joke about sex or make advances I’m shunned, when you do it it’s suppose to be fun and teaseful. Unfair.

Anyway, I reached out to you to which you shortly rejected going to Angry Horse brewery which now was probably a good idea since you probably wouldn’t have liked the beer selection. You said “we should probably talk soon” and my heart sank. I already knew what it was. Three possibilities went through my head; You started sleeping with someone else, you starting seeing someone else which would pretty mean you’d start sleeping with them at some point or you were gonna say we should talk or hang out anymore and though that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re interested in someone else, I felt that that would be the reason for not seeing each other. Well I was right, you’re “talking” to someone else and come to find out it’s been for a month and your perception is that we’ve been done since February. Honestly we haven’t. To make it worse it’s someone you work with. Which I mentioned a few months ago as joke and now looking back it just seems like I’ve been calling these type of things out. Now I know that the times you didn’t reacted probably meant something. The times you were defensive meant something.

I’m fucking torn, I’ve cried ever since. Yesterday was the only day I had it under control but it’s still trying to come out. We were suppose to go to the gym, we didn’t, I didn’t want to talk to you because of how much it hurt. I didn’t want to see you because of how much I’m hurting. But I did anyway over food and not touching you or being close you is killing me. I can’t do this as friends. I don’t know if I ever will. I hate thinking of you with someone else and I really hate thinking about the fact that you’re already into someone else. I can’t fucking believe that this is happening. I feel so stupid, I look so stupid. I wasn’t the best of person when we were dating. I’ve acknowledged and apologized. Doesn’t fix anything I know, but I’ve been trying the last few months to be better, after our last huge argument. It’s too little too late to you. It sucks. I don’t feel like it’s worth anything and now its really not.

I quit Forever 21, friday the 3rd was my last day. I had talked to Kurt two months ago about going back part time as a side job, in which you didn’t really want me to and now it kinda makes sense. You even said “what if I start dating someone and we have to see each other, wouldn’t it be weird?” I honestly didn’t think you’d move on that quick. You’ve move on so Fucking quick. I feel worthless, I really feel important or valuable to you anymore. . I was in what I called a purgatory with my depression, I wasnt happy but I also wasn’t bad so I accepted that. I made future goals which I hadn’t because of how deep I’ve gotten in my depression. Now I’m out of that purgatory. I’m right back into the deep end of the pool of negativity. I don’t want to move, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to think at all. I don’t want my future goals, I don’t care about anything anymore. It’s destroying me. I hate to admit it, sunday was the closest I’ve ever gotten mentally to killing myself. I lost my Shit so bad Sunday night. You came over and i enjoyed being next to you but the sight of you hurt. Then the rest of the day didn’t help.

Anytime your phone goes off I think it’s him. Whenever you’re on your phone I think it’s cause you’re talking to him. I don’t even know who He is which makes it worse. I applied to go back to Macy’s and was so excited to because I’d get to see you for short periods of time and I felt happy because I could get paid doing something I was extremely familiar with. Now that’s ruined. And I’m scared cause I didn’t want to look for another job so soon, and now I feel like o have to.

I FUCKING HATE THIS SO MUCH AND I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

I should have given you more, I was scared to before. I was worried Daisy would feel what I’m feeling right now. That’s always been my concern. But I shouldn’t have focused on that. October ruined a lot because I wanted to ask you be my girlfriend on Halloween cause it’s my favorite holiday. I was busy a lot at forever 21 the beginning of the month and we bumped heads because of it but I knew it would be different once I was at montebello. I was happy, it was a new start and a new chapter and I wanted it to include the only thing you ever wanted from me. 5 days before I found out about your neighbor. And ever since I’ve questioned being with you. Every time I felt like moving forward I was reminded of it and it ruined me. This shit is fucking killing me, I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I’m probably gonna send you this. And I feel like I shouldn’t. You told me you don’t like when I tell you I love you or do anything of what we used To but you gotta remember that this is extremely sudden for me. It’s been 2-3 days. You’ve been over this for at least a month.

I forgot I already had a tumblr for you. This was the bad one, the one that was about the bad stuff. I deleted the other one which didn’t have too much more but it was both good and bad. It was thoughts I didn’t mention out loud. If you notice whenever you say “you’ve never told me that” I get stuck. I try to remember if I ever did tell you. The reason being I’ve probably posted about it, talked about it in more detail with someone else like Joey or used to be Danny. So I have just not to you. Idk, maybe I felt like it would ruin things or make you feel like I was over stuff when I wasn’t. I try not to talk to too many people about it. It’s not that they won’t get it but I probably don’t want to hear it. It’s exhausting speaking of it once. Imagine a few extra times.

I definitely hate that I’m making you feel bad telling you things because I’m the one that’s hurt. I fucking hate feeling like you’re not telling me everything. I feel you are more serious with this guy than you’re letting on. I hate feeling like I’m just a fucking thorn in your side because he’s at the top of your attention. Fuck I can’t believe this.

I don’t know what’s next. I don’t know what I’m gonna do about Macy’s. This seriously fucked that up so bad. I’m embarrassed going back and feeling like everyone knows you’re done with me cause we weren’t done a month ago.

I want to forget about you and I know I can’t. I hate that I’m so attached to you. It makes me look weak. I hate that I cared about you so much cause I feel like you’ve hurt me twice in the same way(and I know I’ve hurt you many times before as well.). I hate all this and even as mad as I am, I want to scream and slam my hands into the ground, I still crave the scent of your perfume and the touch of your skin next to mine.

Fuck.

Edit: I’m sure there’s things I left out. I just can’t think right now.

#may 8 2019

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toldnews-blog · 6 years

Photo

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/sports/im-alive-i-survived-says-the-queen-of-bare-knuckle-boxing/

'I'm alive, I survived,' says the 'Queen of bare-knuckle boxing'

Bec Rawlings, the self-styled “Queen of bare-knuckle boxing,” is remembering the terror of living with an abusive husband. Though the 29-year-old Australian doesn’t cry anymore when talking about her miserable marriage, some wounds will never heal.

Nearly six years on, she can sleep now without fear of being murdered and no longer flinches when touched. “It gets easier day by day,” she says candidly. “I’m alive, I survived.”

The former UFC fighter, a mother of two boys, a bare-knuckle world champion, is opening up because she wants to help those who may be suffering like she once did.

She wants to tell victims of abuse that they are not to blame, that they are not weak. “I’m the definition of a powerful woman,” she says. “That it can happen to me means it can happen to anyone.”

Rawlings did not press charges against her now ex-husband Dan Hyatt, the father of her youngest child. Since their relationship ended, former MMA fighter Hyatt has been found guilty of physically and emotionally abusing girlfriends in subsequent relationships and Rawlings regrets not taking her case through the courts.

“I could’ve saved them if I went ahead and pressed charges,” says the Tasmanian, ruefully.

“The only way I feel I can make up for that is to share my story and hope someone reads it and realizes that if it can happen to someone like me, who is so strong and looks fearless, it can happen to anyone. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, you’re not pathetic, because that’s how I felt.”

In the dead of night, with her two boys, Enson and Zake, and little else in tow, Rawlings mustered the courage to leave her husband and her home in 2013. Had it not been for her sons, she says, she would probably have stayed in a relationship which as emotionally abusive as it was physical.

“I left to save them,” she says. “Once he threatened to hurt them that was my switch to get out. If I never had them, I would never have made it out.”

Visit CNN.com/Sport for more news, features and videos

Rawlings met Hyatt in 2010 and within three months she says he began to belittle her, to play with her mind, the torment turning physical when Rawlings became pregnant with Enson. It was relentless. It was daily. It was hell. But crushed by his fists and by fear, she stayed.

“Looking back, I see the flags early on in our relationship,” the boxer admits with the help of hindsight.

“He was a pro fighter himself so even when I tried to fight back I couldn’t win. It was impossible for me to defend myself. He’d burn and tear my clothes. There were times that I had no clothes because he would destroy them.

“He always said he would hunt us down and hunt my family down if I ever left and that was always in the back of my head — that he would find us and would kill us.”

Hyatt was released from prison eight months ago and in an email to CNN the Australian described his relationship with Rawlings as “toxic” and “volatile” but refuted the allegations of violence made by her and described her claims that he threatened to kill the boys as “disgusting.”

“Bec is as much a victim of our relationship as I was myself,” he wrote. “That may not be a popular opinion, but its [sic] the truth and it’s been my story since day one. I was a poor partner and an even poorer father, but I am certainly not the picture Bec likes to paint of me when media comes calling.”

For Rawlings if any good has come from the bad it is that it was her ex-husband who introduced her to MMA, setting her on a path to UFC, bare-knuckle boxing and world domination. “I’m happy, strong and healthy,” she says. “I’ve got a good life and he hasn’t so that’s the ultimate revenge, success.

“It’s definitely a bitter-sweet story because I found fighting and MMA when I started seeing him, so he brought something cool into my world and, obviously, my young son Enson.

“It’s definitely made me the strong person I am today. I know going into training, going into fights, no-one can hurt me as much as he could. He’s definitely given me a strength I never knew I had. That’s one of the positives I can take. If he couldn’t break me, no-one can.

“It also taught me to love myself, to never let myself be in that position again. I put up with it and went through with it because I thought I deserved that and because I didn’t love myself and I believed what he was saying.”

The Australian has come a long way since her professional debut as an MMA fighter in October 2011. Knocked out in the first round by a head kick, it was a fight which, Rawlings jokes, “scared my mother for life.” Her mum has not attended a fight since. These days she will record a televised bout, watching her daughter only when secure in the knowledge that she is unharmed.

Standing at 1.68m (5ft 6in) and competing at a fighting weight of 57kg (125lbs), the athletic Rawlings, who once described herself as a “wild child” and has the moniker “Rowdy Bec” stitched onto her fighting shorts, isn’t big in stature, but she does nevertheless stand out.

Sometimes her hair is purple, other times white and dreadlocked. There are also the tattoos. Lots of them. She has, she thinks, about 60, all inked by the tattooist who was her first sponsor.

One tattoo is a big red heart at the front of her throat, another the word “Riot,” her ex-husband’s nickname as an MMA fighter, still visible under a red “VOID” stamp. Her left leg is adorned with a tattoo of a hand pistol tucked into a garter.

Like most who earn a living with their fists, Rawlings has swagger (“I definitely think I’m going to be dominating this sport for a long time”) but the bluster isn’t relentless.

She isn’t afraid to talk about her traumatic past and laughs when speaking about one particular weakness. A design on her right leg has yet to be completed because, she says giggling, she is a “cry baby” when it comes to getting inked.

But Rawlings can tolerate pain better than most, though the Australian stresses that the majority of her training sessions are spent mastering the art of avoiding crunching blows to the head by a clenched bare knuckle.

How does it feel to be bashed in the face by a fist flying at such a force that the eyes begin to weep and swell? Rawlings laughs.

“To be punched bare-knuckle, it doesn’t feel any different to the MMA gloves,” she explains.

“When you get punched by a big boxing glove it’s more like a thud that rings your head. With MMA gloves and bare-knuckle, it’s like a real sharp sting. If you’ve ever been hit on the nose with a basketball, it’s kind of that feeling. That stingy, eye-watering feeling.

“To hit someone bare-knuckle you feel it on your hands more. You can’t be throwing punches 100% and you definitely have to be careful with where you’re throwing the punches.

“You don’t want to be hitting people at the back of the head, or the side of the head, because you’re going to do damage to your hands, so you’re going to have to be precise and aim for the softer parts of the body and the face, look after your hands that way.

“You definitely throw a lot less punches and focus on speed, precision and power.”

Rawlings says her hands swell easily, but with the added composure that comes with experience the bumps, cuts and redness were not as significant after her second bout compared to her debut.

To strengthen her hands, she practices an ancient Kung Fu method called iron palm training, which includes punching sandbags and rubbing a special oil onto the hands to help them heal.

“Basically, you’re calcifying your knuckles, so they get hardened and less prone to injury,” she says.

Rawlings is currently training for her world title defence on February 2 in Cancun, Mexico, against Cecilia Ulloa Flores. Though only her third bare-knuckle fight, she is confident.

“I get called the bare-knuckle queen and I feel like the queen of this sport,” she says.

“I don’t think anyone’s got what I have. My skill is getting better and better every fight and I’m going to go out there in February and show that I’ve evolved as a fighter again.”

Typically, Rawlings trains for three to four hours a day, starting with a 2-3km early morning run before returning home to feed her boys and take them school.

With the children in the classroom, she embarks on a two-hour boxing session in the gym, comprising of either sparring, bag work or pattern drills, returning home for lunch and to collect the boys from school. Mid-afternoon and there is more to be done, either improving her cardio, endurance or explosiveness.

Sometimes she will have to drag her sons, now aged eight and 10, to the gym. They have known of no other life, but occasionally they will grumble. With the boys developing their own interests, the family dynamic is slowly changing Rawlings admits, but she is adapting.

“You’ve got to be able to give your kids attention and love and you also need to find the time to train. That’s my job. It’s how I put food on the table,” she says.

“It’s stressful and hard, but it’s also my motivation. They keep me hungry, they keep me motivated to do better. It’s definitely a blessing in disguise.”

After being released by UFC following four successive defeats, Rawlings was offered a contract by the Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship (BKFC), the first promotion to be sanctioned to hold regulated bare-knuckle events in the US since 1889.

She is earning a decent living competing in a sport she describes as the “ultimate test on your body, heart and soul,” and wants to create a legacy. She has, she says, found her calling.

“I love the adrenaline of it. I love the rawness of the sport,” she says wholeheartedly.

“It’s not just the physicality, it’s not just the athleticism, it’s your mentality and your heart to fight and keep going.

“I’m forever tested no matter how my fight goes. I learn something new about myself and I think that’s what keeps me coming back for more and it’s the same with training.

“I think I lost the love of it [fighting] under UFC. I let the bright lights, the stress of making weight, get to me. I started questioning myself and forgot what I was doing it for. I forgot that I loved fighting, that it made me a better person, and I forgot that.

“My coach and anyone who has seen me fight say I’m a natural. I was made for this sport and I feel like that in training and when I fight.

“I feel like I’m meant to be in this sport and this was my calling.”

#Bec Rawlings: Australia&039;s bare-knuckle world champion - CNN #latest sports news #news sport #Sport #sportnews #sports articles #sports breaking news #sports latest news #sports news headlines #sports news in english #sports scores #today's sports news #today's sports news headlines

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keycrash · 8 years

Text

kurashiki sibling childhood headcanons

a few people have asked about these... SO...

my outline of their childhood i guess??? basically the Logistics of everything and all. it’s not happy headcanons. it’s really goddamn long

aoi and akane lived on the outskirts of a town close to the city. the field siblings and a lot of the other first nonary game kids lived in that town or nearby towns, or visited it at some point, but none had met each other. one of the town’s defining features was a large, famous hospital

the kurashikis were a perfectly happy family-- aoi and akane were always close to each other and their parents, akane learning to read from her mother and aoi helping his father cook. their parents got along remarkably well, and they were not only married, but business partners. as such, they often went on business trips together, many of which would last weeks at a time. they’d leave aoi and akane with their grandmother (who lived in the same house) for that time, but since their parents had them when they were older, their grandmother was very old, and not wholly capable of caring for them. aoi ended up helping out around the house-- as much as a seven year old can-- and taking care of akane when she couldn’t

their parents taught aoi and akane english from a young age because, well, they knew it, so why not

one of these business trips was to america. as we all know, a certain snail caused a certain disturbance-- or rather, a five year old with a knife did. dad kurashiki was blamed for the murder of eric’s mother on shaky evidence. the business trip quickly turned into a months-long excusion as the case made national headlines due not only to its gruesomeness but due to the fact that someone from another country was being jailed for murder and possibly executed

kurashiki mom fought tooth and nail to clear the dad’s name, but he had little in terms of alibi-- although there wasn’t much concretely tying him to the case, there was a lot of coincidental circumstantial evidence that left the nation divided on the case

in a highly controversial decision, a jury ruled him guilty, and dad kurashiki received the death penalty

meanwhile, aoi and akane were beginning to seriously suffer without their parents. the constant work of attempting to free dad kurashiki left mom kurashiki no time to call her kids or anything like that. their grandmother, after hearing the news of her son-in-law’s death, didn’t speak or eat for days, and aoi ended up having to make microwave dinners and all to care for akane

a few days after dad kurashiki’s execution, mom kurashiki killed herself on the phone with her mother

grandmother kurashiki was devastated for a few more days, but after aoi demanded answers, she finally told him that his parents got in an accident-- that his dad died on the scene and his mother died in the hospital a few days later, and told aoi she loves him and his sister very much. grandmother kurashiki then had aoi tell akane. Sads All Around

there was no funeral due to the complications. dad kurashiki was an only child whose parents had already passed, but the rest of mom kurashiki’s family stopped associating with them, possibly because they believed dad kurashiki was guilty

akane became more reclusive for a while, but their grandmother wasn’t taking proper care of herself or the two kids so aoi had to start taking responsibility. the kid’s like seven, mind you, but he was able to keep up to keep akane and himself healthy and keep their grandmother from getting too overwhelmed

however, over time, their grandmother’s health started declining-- she was already very old, but the stress started showing itself over the years. by the time aoi was twelve and akane was nine, she was very sick, and aoi was doing most of the work around the household. they all had to live off of their inheritance/insurance money, but with no one in the house working and a lot of medical bills, it was quickly drying up

grandmother kurashiki was eventually admitted to a hospital for her health. sensing that she would die, aoi and akane spent a lot of time mourning while there-- until a doctor asked if they’d like to help him with something. aoi agreed to see if it’d take akane’s mind off of things. they did the ganzfeld experiment and passed with flying colors. this, of course, got them into the first nonary game three years later

their grandmother passed. aoi knew that if it was found out that they were now alone, that he and akane might get separated into foster homes-- but he couldn’t let that happen. he unwillingly ditched the hospital with akane, presumably to let the rest of the kurashiki mom’s family deal with the funeral

aoi began taking care of akane alone. they still had enough money left that finding a job wasn’t completely necessary, and he was too young anyway, but he tried to make smart decisions when he could regardless. he walked everywhere he went and tried to scope out opportunities for jobs that’d hire a twelve year old

he eventually got a part time job getting paid under the table and would go after school, leaving less-- but still substantial-- time for spending time with akane

aaand when akane was 10, junpei moved in town! they went to school together and quickly became friends. junpei came from a more middle class (but slightly more dysfunctional) family so it was usually his family taking akane places, like fairs or pools and all-- aoi rarely had the time and was running out of money too quickly. as such, junpei and aoi never really met each other, but you’ll bet aoi got allll the details of akane’s little crush from her own mouth

but eventually aoi got... suspicious of some things. namely, the fact that his parents never had a funeral, and the timeframes surrounding their death, and some other things. akane was too young to remember, but it sticks in aoi’s mind. after a while, he searched up information about his parents, but specifically in english. it turned up a ton of information about the case and aoi learned the truth about what happened. however... what he reads is that his father is a murderer. he doesn’t know he’s innocent. aoi tried to cope with his tainted memories alone and vows to not tell akane out of fear that she’d become equally disheartened with her father, and it remains one of the only secrets he’s kept from her

as their money situation got more dire, aoi picked up some more jobs to the point where it was extremely difficult to manage. his grades dropped (as compared to akane’s straight A’s-- except for gym) but he stuck in school

despite their money situation, aoi always prioritized a few things as “luxury” comforts-- things he wouldn’t sacrifice buying. first and foremost were christmas gifts for akane, who had never stopped believing in santa. but also included were clothes for akane, hair dye, and orange soda, as well as a saving account for akane he refused to dip into (whereas his was the first thing he dipped into). he did his best to hide how fucked their situation was from akane

...but around june of 2018 he couldn’t really do it anymore. keeping their childhood home was far too much of a cost for him, so they had to move. and that they did-- akane was depressed at leaving junpei, but she knew it was necessary

they moved to a cheap apartment in a city. aoi dropped out of school and picked up several jobs, and akane thrived in honors programs at her school. even though they were getting more fucked by the second, aoi tried even harder to make akane happy

it was at the end of october that aoi told akane to write a letter to santa for the year-- he liked getting a head start on things so he could save up more if he needed to. it was then that he got That Letter, and absolutely bawled like a baby because dammit their situation sucks and it’s gonna get worse but akane’s happy and that’s what matters

then the first nonary game happens. akane lives. or does she. i mean it’s up in the air man but the “akane dies” version of this story is probably way sadder and the two timelines are intermingled anyway

aoi loses all of his jobs because of the 9 day absence, especially given that he and akane’s kidnappings weren’t reported. They Were Fucked. utterly fucked.

it was at this point that akane took it upon herself to dip into her own savings that aoi refused to touch. she basically forced him into it. aoi had already given up his future for her sake and to take her funds felt like he was giving up on her, too-- but akane already knew what her future held. and it’s kind of hard to turn away a thirteen year old handing you cash when you’re in severe debt

it was enough of a boost to get them back on their feet for a bit. akane spent whatever time she didn’t spend on school on research. she didn’t yet tell aoi about the second nonary game, because there wasn’t much they can do yet anyway-- the development of soporil wasn’t for a long time, so they don’t have any way to fund their endeavors. so, again-- research. she planned the logistics, wrote down every detail of her memory, everything. she didn’t intend on forcing aoi into the decision to go along with this, but wanted a record regardless of what actions they’d take

as soon as aoi turned eighteen, akane encouraged him to invest in the stock market-- specifically, cradle pharmaceutical. if it were aoi’s decision he’d be like Fuck That I Won’t Give Them My Money, but akane was INSISTENT

and lord. Lord. it paid off. aoi and akane ended up with more money than either of them could have DREAMED of. it’s fucking surreal. when they considered moving to a better house, akane suggested instead that they move to america-- and they did

specifically new york, at least for now. aoi LOVES new york. he loves that garbage city. akane encouraged him to keep working with stocks, which he did, and she went to high school nearby. they still lived relatively conservatively, but could finally relax

it was shortly after that akane disclosed the details of the second nonary game to aoi, citing the cradle stock as proof. it’s Really Fucking Emotional. aoi agreed to the plan-- or rather, as soon as he hears it he’s already in because what the fuck else can you do? they’re able to organize from new york for a while longer, but they eventually have to move to california and nevada in the later stages of their plans

and so they found crash keys together later. they put up a front as another kind of company, i dunno which, but they and their highest members operate according to other agendas. only aoi and akane truly knew their goals, to minimize risk (though after the second nonary game akane’s moderately more open about her intentions with her higher-ups because Who’ll Arrest Me If The Apocalypse Happens)

akane starts taking college night classes because she’s too busy to go full time, and aoi takes online classes to kind of supplement the schooling he missed out on. they use fake identities at times with bullshit names such as June Summers and Rudolf Klaus and Sante Nick. it’s hilarious.

and... they recreate the second nonary game. they did it. whoo

after the second nonary game, they go on the run. and honestly this is where things get fuzzy for me. my original headcanons had akane eventually ditching aoi for his own sake to go to the moon... but ztd makes that unlikely

so... they buy a house and live in it, akane does ztd, hopefully it goes well, they dedicate themselves towards finding the terrorist, akane gets married to junpei, aoilight, akane tells aoi about their parents real deaths, et cetera. crash keys probably cooperates with the SOIS. everyone’s happy. i wish i had more headcanons for here yall but i dont like thinking about ztd

anyway... that’s all the major stuff? im probably missing some things. also i didn’t really come up with any of this on the spot, this is all from shit i had outlined before, i am very dedicated to these siblings

#headcanon tag #peko.txt #999 spoilers #vlr spoilers #ztd spoilers #death /#parent death /#food /#money /#school /

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63824peace · 5 years

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Thursday, 13th of october 2005

China successfully launched its second manned spacecraft. Shenzhou-6 blasted off riding a Long March 2F rocket booster. The spacecraft entered orbit within ten minutes. This launch cements China's place as the third nation in spaceflight history able to launch its own citizens out of Earth's atmosphere. Like its predecessors Russia and the United States, China made history by performing the launch without assistance.

My boyhood dream was to fly into outer space, and the dream remains within me. I would trade everything to go into outer space... my job and even my life.

I heard that Shenzhou-6's pilots are astronauts in their early forties. God, I envy them.

Japan has given up the pursuit of a national space program capable of independently launching a Japanese vessel into space. My generation laments the situation. We dreamed about outer space. I definitely want my country to persevere. I want Japanese children to inherit my generation's dream of space travel.

I read in the newspaper that Horiemon (CEO of Livedoor Co., Ltd.) recently began investing in the space industry. Perhaps now we should pin our hopes on the efforts of private companies.

I had my endoscopic examination scheduled today, so I slept in a little. I would feel so much better physically if I could get up like this every day. It seems bad to leave the house after the children though.

Here's how things generally work: the head of the family leaves home in the morning. His family sees him off to work. Then the children leave home to go to either school or work. At night, the father returns last.

"The breadwinner leaves home first." There is a subtle luxury in leaving home before all others and returning last of all. The family head can feel a sense of dignity through these routines. We live in the wrong times for these habits though, since both parents work in more and more families.

I usually get up around 6am because I have a managerial job. I arrive in my office for the morning meeting at 7am. If no morning meeting is scheduled, then I at least arrive by 9am. Kojima Productions head creative staff normally arrives in the office at 10:30am, which means they probably leave their homes between 9am and 10am. If this is so . . . are they seeing their children off to school? I have a hard time imagining that.

I left home for the exam. Of course, I didn't see any students or businessmen on their ways to the train station. I didn't even see anyone walking their dog. I didn't hear a single bark.

"Okay, I get it," I realized. "So this is how it is."

Morning had already passed. I felt guilty for some reason. I walked through the fully awakened city like a student who had overslept. The weather is really nice, by the way. Since my endoscopic procedure has been scheduled for such a sunny day, surely it means that my insides are as sharp, crisp, and clean as a fine autumn day.

Right? I really hope so...

I had to take 1800ml of Magukoloolu-P when I arrived at the hospital. (It was the same medicine that I had to take last night.) I drank two 500ml bottles of a sports drink after that.

Drink, excrete, wait fifteen minutes... drink, excrete, wait fifteen minutes... I repeated the process for two full hours in order to clean my insides. It was the most painful part of the exam. I kept up the masochism until the nurse signaled for me to stop.

The annual procedure cleans out my esophagus, stomach, duodenum, small intestine, and large intestine. The whole affair seems surreal when it is finished. I can drink clear water, and it emerges as an equally clear fluid after running from my top to my bottom. It makes me remember that the human body connects directly from the mouth to the anus.

Life forms originally used the same orifice for consumption and excretion. The mouth and the anus were one. When our great evolutionary ancestors were living in pre-sentience, they only had their intestines to handle food and waste. The complex differentiation that resulted in a separate mouth and anus had not occurred. Maybe this is why human beings have gastrointestinal trouble when we suffer too much stress.

I started reading Eiichi Ikegami's book Shangri La since I had plenty of time to wait. It's interesting. I had started reading the book before, but I quit midway.

The purification procedure concluded and the afternoon examination finally began. Even though I undergo this procedure as an annual checkup, I still feel nervous right before it begins.

I hadn't seen my doctor in six months. He refreshed me as always. He is a warm and welcoming man. The look on his face alone relieves me. I feel eased by a relationship with my doctor based on mutual trust.

The examination concluded by evening. Nothing is wrong inside my body ; I seem to be a pretty healthy man. My doctor and I agreed that we should have dinner together sometime, although I don't know when we'll be able to. He's quite busy.

We can now see inside our own hidden organs thanks to technological developments. I am like another creature inside. Today I met the secret self inside. It's a weird thought, but internal organs carry their own idiosyncratic expressions. Despite what you'd expect, they are even good looking. They looked so nice that I asked my doctor for a copy of the pictures of my innards.

I will be charged with sexual harassment if I hang these pictures around my work booth. I think I'll just keep them inside my desk drawer.

I went into the office at 5pm. It's about time for the first flood of evening's homebound rush hour. I press through those who hurry home. I move toward the Hills. I feel a strange embarrassment as I walk against the crowd's current.

I think as I walk. Nothing remains inside my body. I have nothing to digest. I don't even have the need to digest. My emptied body has an unstrained, natural repose.

I relish the emptiness. I want this feeling to endure a while longer. Perhaps an insight exists that is exclusive to people who forsake digestion: a vision only for the emptied ones. I decided not to eat until nightfall.

What is this lightness inside my body... inside my heart and mind? The laxative must have flushed out all my clotted stress.

I took care of the day's mail at the office. I dealt with the documents that needed my signature. My schedule had filled to the brim while I wasn't looking.

I am supposed to write project plans for both MGS4 and a new PSP project. Once again, I find myself unable to make a single schedule; I don't think I can write them.

My field training outfit has been delivered. We are supposed to be on different teams, so each team's camouflage pattern differs. We have a variety of camo patterns, such as Woodland and Desert. For some reason my team got black camouflage.

I doubt it will help us during daylight. Can't you do something about this Toyopy?

After twenty-four hours, I finally put food in my stomach ; I went to the restaurant ROTI for supper with Kenichiro and Ryan. It was a bit chilly, but we decided to eat on the terrace anyway.

I ordered the Roti Burger, with mushrooms of course. I held back on drinking wine, due to having just had a physical exam.

I took care of miscellaneous mundane tasks at the office, a monotonous affair of ticking checkboxes. Creativity is impossible today.

I stood in front of a four-passenger seat as I rode the train home. This was in the portion of the train connecting the cars. I listened to Depeche Mode's new album on my iPod. Across from where I stood sat two women in their thirties, a middle aged grandpa, and a young girl dressed as though she were older than her age.

I glanced down at them. My eyes paused when I saw three white cords attached individually to both women and the older man. (The young girl didn't have one.) My mind wandered a bit. "All three of them have white cords. Is this a new fashion?"

Then I noticed that I had a white cord myself.

The reality was simpler than I had imagined. The three older passengers in front of me were listening to their iPods. As I gradually realized this, the woman on the left took out her iPod.

The other woman remarked: "Oh! It's just like my iPod-Mini! It's even the same blue color!"

While I thought about this, the old grandpa took out his iPod. "W-What?!" I thought. "This old man has an iPod-Mini too?!"

I was taken aback. I own the same device as this grandpa?! I admit that I'm something of a grandpa myself, but it's still depressing to know that I have the same thing as this guy whose hair is so thinned that it looks like a barcode when combed to the side.

Few things are as awkward or irritating as having a model identical to others. Still, we should be listening to different music even though we have the same type of device. I wonder if we could invent an iPod that changes color according to the music it is playing, kind of like a chameleon changes color according to its environment.

I pushed my iPod deeper into my pocket so that no one would notice the similarities. The train arrived at the station. Passengers who needed to switch trains exited. The woman who hadn't shown her iPod put hers into her bag.

"Thank God," I sighed. "She has an iPod Shuffle."

Maybe I ought to trade my iPod-Mini for the newly released iPod-Nano. It's less of an I-Pod and more of a We-Pod now that everyone owns one.

I swam at the gym just before midnight. I need to have physical stamina for next week's field training.

Well... technically that's true. I had another reason for swimming tonight though. I wanted to know how my internal purification had affected me.

I only had an undigested burger in my body. I suspected that I had lost a lot of weight… no, I was sure of it. I slowly mounted the scales.

"What?! I only lost half a kilogram!"

Is that all I get for my pain and discomfort?

According to Sean Penn's character Paul Rivers, we all lose 21 grams of weight when we die. A person's soul therefore weighs 21 grams. So… what's the total weight of a person's stress?

I drank a chu-hai after I returned home, even though it's normally forbidden for someone in my position. Then I went to bed.

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mikeconphoto · 6 years

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"Fit Feature: Katie Kates" - By MikeCon Photography

Here's my second fitness feature. It's the Musclemania Fitness Pro Katie Kates. Read her incredible story and see how this "Fit Mom" does it all. At first she was hesitant about doing a photo shoot, however she took the leap and I loved working with her. She and her husband Nick are hilarious! I love to laugh and joke on photo shoots, and these two kept me in stitches with the banter between them! Once you read her interview, you'll see exactly what I mean...I'm loving all of her responses!!!

Q: Describe your life before you started training.

A: My diet consisted of xing teas, pepsi, and any and all junk food. I’ve always been really active and would still go hiking, dirt biking, wake boarding, or rollerblading but I did those things for fun and only actually worked out 1-2 times per week. Those workout sessions consisted of WAY too much cardio and light lifting with a lot of reps. I had very low self-esteem and was always focusing on being smaller.

Q: How different do you feel now compared to then?

A: I wouldn’t change who I am now. I love lifting and it’s truly a passionate hobby of mine now. While it makes me look good, I primarily train for the mental factor. It is my form of stress release and is always the cure for my bad moods. I’m not only confident now, I’m comfortable in my skin which is so much more important to me. My hope is that exuding confidence will make a positive impact on how my daughter will eventually see herself and perhaps not struggle as I did at a younger age.

Q: Was there is pivotal moment that motivated you to start training? If so, what was it?

A: I started working out after my daughter was born. I was 20 years old. Originally, it began with just trying to get back to pre-baby body (which wasn’t anything great to begin with). This means, I did countless hours of cardio. I would go for 3 mile runs daily and sometimes more if I could push myself. I’ve never been a great runner so I struggled with anything over 3 miles. I did eventually work my way up to a half marathon but I’ll NEVER do that again. My legs hurt for a week afterwards. I also started to develop issues with my shins that made running more difficult. It was at that time that I started to get more serious into lifting. With running being more difficult I started lifting 3 days a week. Once I started I was hooked.

Q: Do you remember your first training session? How different is your training today?

A: I’ve been lifting for quite some time although never seriously until my 20’s. I would go lift at the gym with my mom as early as 15 years old, and also took weight training in high school. I’ve always loved being strong “for a girl” but never really focused on making myself any stronger. Again, my goals physically were to always be as small as possible. That said, my weight training consisted primarily of low weight with a lot of reps and cardio. Now, I focus on strength and muscle growth and the only cardio I do is either while I’m prepping for a show or things that I happen to do for fun such as, rollerblading or hiking. My training sessions are vastly different. I love to focus on strength sets which is lifting 90% of my max weight for 5 sets of 5 reps. That said, your body always needs change so I will also rotate in more hypertrophy weeks where I’ll lift 80% of my max weight for 4 sets of 10-12 reps.

Q: What has been the most rewarding aspect of training for you? Why?

A: The most rewarding aspect of training is the psycho-social impact it had on me. I’m more confident and all around happier. I also have a better relationship with food than I ever have. I know see food as fuel and not as the enemy which I felt for so many years.

Q: What has continued to motivate you throughout your training? Why?

A: Stress relief is my primary motivator for why I continue to train. Looking good and feeling good are just an added bonus. Additionally, in 2014 I began competing in bodybuilding competitions.

Q: What have you had to overcome to get to where you are today? Did that change you in any way? If so, describe how.

A: I wouldn’t say that I’ve encountered barriers that kept me from succeeding. I’m an Aries and as such have the tendency to be very goal oriented and driven. When I set my mind to something I make it happen. The only opposition I face rather consistently is the lack of support from my parents who don’t approve of my lifting routines and or bodybuilding competitions. But I do those things for myself and at this point in my life, my happiness became more important than their approval. I routinely get comments regarding, “you’re going to injure yourself, why do you want to get bigger, and couldn’t you be spending your time doing other things?” I have my opinions and they are more than welcome to theirs but it will not deter my decision.

Q: What is the number one lesson you have learned about health and fitness through your training?

A: Food is fuel!!!! Like so many women I was convinced that you had to starve yourself to get the body you wanted. That food was the #1 enemy and I needed to follow up my meals with intense sessions of cardio. Now, I use food to fuel my workouts and build muscle. I actually struggle to consume the sheer amount of food that I need in order to accomplish those things. I’m bulking now and am consuming upwards of 2400 calories per day with meals scheduled as frequently as every 3 hours.

Q: What do you wish you had known when you were 16?

A: That I’d get a bigger bang for my buck lifting heavy than doing cardio! LOL! I wasted so much time!

Q: Do you have a quote that you live by? If so, why this one?

A: Go big or go home along with anything worth doing is worth doing right. These two kind of go hand in hand I think. If you’re going to put effort into something, put forth all of your effort, never do things half assed!!

Q: What was your reason for taking health and fitness to the level you have? Why is it so important to you?

A: Sanity. I have a rather stressful full time job and balancing that with being a mom, a student (I’m currently in school to get my bachelors), wife, friend, competitor and coach can be hectic. I can’t complain because I did it to myself but there is a level of stress that comes with all of that and training is my avenue for relieving stress.

Q: What advice would you give to women wanting to get into the best shape of their life?

A: Lift heavy and stop doing so much cardio. Every body is different and I do think that cardio has its merits for cardiovascular health and can be an important tool for people that carry extra body fat. That said, lifting heavy will burn fat more efficiently and you’ll see results more quickly which in turn will give you motivation to keep going which can be really difficult when you first begin training.

Q: What is the most important thing women need to remember when training? Why?

A: Same as above, along with using food to fuel your workouts. You HAVE to eat to lose fat, and to build muscle. Don’t starve yourself! It is actually more detrimental to starve yourself in multiple ways.

Q: We all have days where motivation is low – how do you overcome these? Have you always been able to do this?

A: Sometimes it’s a matter of telling myself, “get it done and you’ll feel better when you get done.” Other times, I simply take a rest day. Your body needs to take rest days in order to recover and build muscle. If you’re constantly tearing it down and not allowing it time to rebuild, all of your lifting could mean nothing. That said, I have 1-2 rest days built into my routine but I take them when my body needs them and it varies from week to week. If I don’t have the motivation one day, I’ll simply have a rest day and come back the next day ready to go. You have to find that level of balance in your life or you can risk burning yourself out.

Q: Do you enjoy training alone or with a partner? Why?

A: I train better alone. I’m an introvert which means I get my energy from being alone. I’m the furthest thing from a social butterfly. I like to put on my headphones, blast rock music and get to down to business. Partners can be a great motivator but I push myself harder when I’m alone without any distractions.

Q: What would you like to see change in the health and fitness industry?

A: Fit people advertising supplements or workout regimens that they don’t use or don’t know work. Example, Fit Tea….I don’t think I need to expound on that one. Also, as I’ve mentioned several times, stop telling women they need to do hours upon hours of cardio!!

Q: What would a perfect Sunday involve for you?

A: Spending the day at the lake with my family or out dirt biking. Anything and everything BUT “adulting.” My characteristically scheduled and controlling self would like to negotiate this be the perfect Saturday though….or Sunday knowing Monday I’ll be off of work... LOL, Because I NEED one day to get ready for the work week or my life is a mess. I have to have order and structure in my life! LOL!

Q: Contest history - do you have a highlight? Why?

A: I started competing in 2014. My first show was in NPC and I was NOT ready but everyone has to start somewhere right? I came in 7th place in figure…Yikes! BUT, I did get on that stage and that was my first step. I then spent the next 3 years putting on more muscle. I then competed again in 2017 at the Colorado Musclemania Rocky Mountain where I placed first and overall in figure. That started the fire that kept me going. I went on to compete in the October Colorado Musclemania Championships where I came in 1st and overall in figure and obtained my Pro status. The highlight will be this November where I will be competing in 2 shows. The first will be the local Colorado Musclemania Championships where I’ll be competing for the first time in the women’s physique category. The second, will be 2 weeks following in Vegas at World’s where I will make my Pro debut in Figure. AHHHHH SO EXCITED!!

Q: Tell everyone about your diet:

A: Because I work Monday-Friday, I meal prep on Sunday’s which mean majority of my meals are boring and redundant. I get my variation for dinners and also on the weekends. It’s a blessing in disguise to have to eat this way. I always aim to drink at least 1 gallon of water a day. Below is an example of what my current diet looks like while bulking. 7 AM - I love the Jimmy Dean Light breakfast bowls. Their fast, convenient, and taste great. 10 AM - 4 oz. of chicken, ½ cup of rice or pasta, 1 cup of veggies 1 PM - 4 oz. of chicken, ½ cup of rice or pasta, 1 cup of veggies 530- Protein shake with a carb of some sort or a protein bar 7- Dinner (whatever I feel like making that day) consisting of some form of protein, carb, and vegetable with a glass of red wine or on really hectic days scotch on the rocks.

Workout week Monday – rest or abs Tuesday – Lower hypertrophy day-quad focus Wednesday – Pull hypertrophy day Thursday- Lower hypertrophy day-glute focus Friday –Push hypertrophy day Saturday- Heavy lower day Sunday – Heavy upper day

QUICK QUESTIONS (In Bold): Describe yourself in three words: Driven, Organized, Sarcastic What is your favorite food to indulge on? How often do you treat yourself? Alcohol is my weakness. Eating healthy isn’t the hard part for me, its alcohol consumption. During bulk or off season I will have 1 alcoholic drink a day. What is your favorite non-cheat food? I think the word cheat depends on the diet structure for the person. In my world of flexible dieting, pasta is a non-cheat food so I would have to go with that. What is your favorite home-cooked meal? Who cooks it? Tamales! My mom and I will get together and make a big batch of tamales almost every year. What are the staples in your fridge? Eggs, prepped chicken, prepped veggies, prepped rice/pasta. What is your favorite body part to train? Why? Hands down, Legs! What is your least favorite body part to train? Why? Biceps or abs. They're just not my strong suit, but it has to happen. Do you prefer to train outdoors or indoors? Why? Indoors- too hot for me to focus outside which effects my endurance and ability to push harder. Describe the atmosphere in your favorite place to train – what can you see/feel/hear etc.? I’m attached to my gym. It’s a locally owned AnyTime Fitness in Castle Rock and it feels like home. It’s usually not too hectic and I can always get the equipment that I need for my workouts. Its low key and I can put my headphones in and just lift. People are primarily there to work out so I don’t have a lot of people interrupt me to chat which I prefer. Do you prefer cardio or weights? Why? LOL!!! WEIGHTS! What is this cardio you speak of? ;) Do you have a favorite book? Why this one? Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson…It’s hilarious! What is your favorite feature? Why? Eyes or legs. I have big eyes. My boss once told me, “Your eyes are so big and with short hair like you have, your facial expressions are very noticeable.” Mind you, she was saying this while telling me I needed to work on controlling my facial expressions in meetings!! LOL!! I can’t help what my face does when people talk! Got to work what you got though My legs are strong and I’m proud of the muscle in them. Name five (5) things you can't live without: Attention!! HAHA My husband and my daughter understand this. I’m the weirdest introvert. I want to be left alone by most people but I want my family to pay attention to me all the time! LOL. Okay, actual things: My airpod headphones Chucks Wine Coffee Does sarcasm count? haha!! Name three (3) things most people don’t know about you: I love to dirt bike I’m legally deaf in my right ear I’m have a very real and inexplicable fear of moths…go ahead, laugh, my 8 year old daughter does. I’m not crying, you’re crying!! Also, I’m still afraid of the dark LOL! I very obviously shouldn’t be a mother but here I am! haha What is on your bedside table? A salt lamp, chapstick and my glasses. I’m quite the piece of work. Not only am I afraid of the dark, I’m blind without my glass and when I turn on the light to find them, it attracts moths and I nearly die. What is your best beauty secret? People are afraid of people without eyebrows…my secret is too always have my eyebrows on. LOL! My eyebrows seriously don’t grow so I have to legitimately paint them on in the morning. God my husband is a lucky man! HAHAHA Aside from that, I never sleep with makeup on my face…I guess that’s a secret? Sorry Mike, I’m really bad at these. <It's okay Katie...you're doing fine!>

Who inspires you? Why? People who are unapologetically themselves. People who don’t care what others think of them, who say what they feel, stand up for what they believe and kick ass along the way. Those are my kind of people! Who is your fitness and body role model? Why? I have so many! I follow a lot of very inspiring and bad ass women on Instagram. They make me want to try harder and be better. I’ve also am a huge fan of our local Norma Jean Watkins. She’s a mini bad ass and I love her. Hey girl, heeeey!!!! What do you have in store for the future? What do you want to improve on? I was asking myself this question earlier this week and quite frankly, I don’t know. I have my goals set for this year but who knows what next year will hold and what will shape those goals. As for this year, I’ve got a clear plan in place and nothing’s going to stop me. I'm currently preparing for: Musclemania Colorado Championships on November 4th AND Fitness America Weekend in Las Vegas on November 17th-18th. Pro Debut here I come!! Do you have a website? Nope, not that cool…yet

Thank you Katie for making the time to shoot with me and do this interview. Thank you all for reading.

Semper Fi!

Mike - Instagram @MikeConPhoto

#tribemikecon #mikeconphoto #denverfitnessphotographer #fitnessphotography

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mrsmyranda-blog · 7 years

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I'm thankful for my struggles, because without them I never would have stumbled across my strength.

It's October of 2017. This year has arguably felt like one of the longest periods of time I've endured. This year seemed like a constant battle, mostly with myself.

I turned 30 at the end of August; I'm not sure why I was clinging onto my twenties for dear life, but to me it felt like this cliff. A cliff that once you fall off you no longer get to use being "young and naive" as any sort of an excuse, which in reality should happen long before 30. But alas, the day came and went and I only felt slightly different when I emerged on the other side.

I attribute a lot of that lack of a "changed" feeling to the eight months that had proceeded it. 2017, well really the end of 2016, but very near to the beggining of 2017, when I was finally brought me face to face with my internal demon I had lived with for so long. It exposed it to those closest to me, who had in actuality known about this demon since the beginning, but my denying its existence was its most powerful grasp on my life.

I had long denied the control my eating disorder had on my life. If fact, in my reality, I controlled it. It gave me the ability to take a piece of my life and tie it into an uncomplicated little bow, while the rest of my world often appeared as fraying strings. I thought I could hide it behind my physical stomach problems that I suffered from. It gave me an easy way to explain away the thinness, the constant shrinking frame.

I always had an escape route from my anorexia when I entered into my "adult" life. Babies. Pregnancy was my get out of jail free card. When I was responsible for someone else's well being inside my body, I had the strength to tell my eating disorder "no". To nourish my baby, and in turn my own body. After those 9 months I'd have this sweet new baby that needed all of my attention and love, a continued distraction from it. But eventually, it always began to surface again. Quietly sneaking back into my life, the desire to eat healthier as a family, to shed the last few baby pounds, to use the gym as a time for myself. All those events led me right back down into the rabbit hole, and without realizing it was happening I'd soon be so engulfed in the fire again that I didn't even know I was burning. I had returned to what felt like my safe place. Returned to the control I so dearly craved.

Now I have these four, beautiful, often smelly minions. And I know I will have no more. That's where I ended up in late 2016. I was deep into the depths of my eating disorder, and I knew I didn't have my usual escape route planned. The physical effects were debilitating. But, as far fetched as it seemed- I still denied its existence. I was exhausted because I had 4 children who only sleep in shifts, I was depressed because it's winter in SD and that's what happens, I was struggling to walk up flights up stairs because I was so out of shape. I was receiving IV Irom infusions weekly because I wasn't a big meat eater. I was having heart palpitations from anxiety and stress of the holidays.

It wasn't until a random Sunday afternoon folding laundry that it suddenly hit me, I needed help. I needed someone to pull me out of the rabbit hole or I'd soon be stuck down there forever. My mom was at my house within minutes of my desperate call. As I sat on my bed crying about how overwhelmed I was feelings and how anxious and sad I was everyday, she looked at me and said, "Myranda, are you ready to admit you have an eating disorder?"

Whoa. How did she know that? It was my secret, no one knew I still struggled with this demon 17 years after my first diagnosis at the age of 12. Everyone was supposed to think I had healed and that it no longer impacted my life daily, hourly, every second of the day. What I found out that day was my secret was only a secret between my and my eating disorder. My gaunt frame had been telling another story for years.

Admitting that day that my anorexia was not only a part of my life currently, but had been a part of my life for the last 12 years was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Anorexia thrives in the darkness of people not knowing. That's a big reason I've finally decided to share it with everyone in my life - because when you're open about your struggles it keeps you accountable and gives you reasons to keep fighting when everything in you tells you to run back to what's easiest, what feels the most comfortable.

I visited several eating disorder treatment facilities over the next month. Each time I went, telling my story was excruciating. Exposing my secret behaviors, the high of feeling hungry, the power that made me feel, felt like admitting to being an addict. And it took me awhile to come to the realization, that eating disorders are on the same spectrum of addiction. The high someone feels from a drug is the same high I felt every day I stepped on the scale and the number decreased. The withdrawal effects I felt every time that number went up or when I was forced to eat "normally" In a social setting was miserable. The scale controlled my day. It was how I started my day. And it dictated how the rest of my day, and amount of food consumption went.

I arrived to the month of April, ridiculously sick. I retired to bed immediately after work because I had no energy reserves left over after working. I had come to the breaking point. I was provided with a choice during that time: I could attend a treatment facility near Chicago for approximately 3 months (my doctors advice) or I could try to utilize the resources closer to me and see where I got. But any more weight loss would take the decisoning power out of my hands. The thought of being away from my babies for that long wasn't something I could stomach. Looking back, would it have beneficial for me to go? Yes. Was getting to this point in my recovery in a town with minimal resources easy? Nope. My path may have been slightly easier had I taken that time away, but I didn't. And now I'm here.

It's October. It's been nearly a year since I let my demon out of its shell it hid in. And yet, I still find myself keeping it a secret on most days. Only sharing with those close to me when the oppportunity presented itself. And that allows my eating disorder to still have control, and my path to recovery means every day I need to chose control. I need to be in charge of me.

My journey is far from over. There's bound to be stumbles and falls along the way (I've already had so many in the short time.) but I'm at a place where I'm ready to bring it out of the darkness it thrives in and shine the light in its face. My eating disorder has won many battles, but it won't win this war. I am a stronger person today than I was yesterday and I want nothing more than to show my girls (and boys) that your worth is not determined by the number on a scale. Your worth is determined by the love in your heart. The kindness you extend to others every day. And the love you have for yourself.

Again, I need to be thankful for the struggles I've endured, because without them, I never would have stumbled across my strength.

Here's to the continuation of my journey through recovery.

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veosullivan406 · 7 years

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I said I wanted to move to Montana...

Three weeks ago today, I left Georgia with my truck packed full of my clothes, my boots, my saddle, two plants, and 2,003.8 miles ahead of me. In February, I accepted a job at the 320 Guest Ranch in Montana to work in their front office for the Summer 2017 season. Let me repeat that, I accepted a job in Montana. My childhood dream of living in Montana was a tangible reality the week before my 26th birthday.

I was overwhelmed with excitement and only a wee bit hesitant over the change. I had been praying and evaluating what accepting the position would mean for me in the weeks before I left and for the time after the work season was over. I'd have until October 15th to figure something out to allow me to stay in Montana rather than make the long trek back to Georgia. Granted, six months is a long time to spend in a place, and perhaps even before I hit the end of my tenure here, I'd be pining away for Georgia in all its splendid southern glory.

But somehow, I doubt that. I've been here three weeks and I'm already doing research on how to get an MT license and new MT tags for the truck.

I left dark and early at 4:00 AM on Wednesday, April 26th. Mom and Captain saw me off with a few tears and a hearty embrace. I had my GPS set for Sioux City, IA and plenty of snacks prepared so I could drive as far as I could only stopping to refuel. I knew leaving would be hard; actually those last few days before my departure were pretty emotional. I hadn't anticipated the outpouring of love and support from my family, friends, and members of the gym I'd worked at for six and a half years.

I did great driving until I hit Chattanooga and had to pull over to keep from falling asleep. One of the reasons I left in the early morning hours was so that I wouldn't fall asleep. But that monotonous drive after Chattanooga had lulled me to the point where my eyes crossed a few more times than I was comfortable with. I had to pull over and get a good stretch in before I continued on the road. I covered the edge of Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, and Illinois with decent time. Missouri, however, was long and wet. Once I passed under the Arch in St. Louis and rounded the city it was nothing but rain until Kansas City. Cruise control was certainly my best friend on that leg of the trip. I grabbed dinner at Zoe's Kitchen in Kansas City, MO and turned northward to Sioux City, IA.

I29 is another long and monotonous stretch of highway that tested my patience. It was also turning cold and I was ready to be done driving. I did have one hiccup; Council Bluffs sent me the rest of the way to Sioux City with a speeding ticket. Thank you to the friendly, helpful, and understanding police officer who only wrote I was going 10 over in a construction zone... Whoops. There's a first time for everything, right?

Sioux City was in my sights after that and so was a lovely Airbnb room I had booked with intentions of a shower and an early bedtime. I was mindful of every speed limit sign after that - even more so than I was before - but kept the odometer cruising right along at the fastest I dared set it. I arrived a little after dark and knocked on the host's door around 8:30 PM. I was done with the first half of my journey; I'd be in Montana the next day. I set my alarm for 3:15 AM and was able to shut my brain off well enough to sleep soon after I slid under the sheets.

As well as I slept that night, my brain still rebooted around 3:00 AM and I was able to get dressed - more warmly than the day before - and get packed up and headed out at 3:58 AM. I have nothing against Iowa, but I wasn't upset about having to drive the remainder of the state in the dark. I kinda feel like I was able to get the gist of it from the day before. Sioux Falls, South Dakota was a happy juncture. Iowa may be directionally west of Georgia, but not as west as South Dakota felt. I left I29 and turned left onto I90 around 5:30 AM. I was on the direct route to Montana. I might have shed a tear. Which I quickly wiped away to focus on the drive. South Dakota welcomed me with a nice, stiff, constant headwind. Goodbye good fuel mileage, but hello the wide-open spaces of the West.

Sunrise greeted me from behind and lit my way to Mitchell where I stopped to fill up. I had the first real taste of the dry, western air at that point, which was also quite cool. I had left 70 degree weather back in Georgia and was headed straight into 40-something degree temperatures of late April in South Dakota and beyond. Despite the shock of it, I was actually pleased to feel the chill. It was familiar, and I had missed it.

South Dakota also felt a little repetitious. But not in the ways Missouri and Iowa had felt. It didn't bother me; the land would soon rise and fall in buttes and plateaus, and then rise and rise into mountains. Soon, the Wall Drug store signs began springing up, and all kinds of childhood memories came back to me. Backseat views of passing prairies listening to my walk-man, mom reading James Herriot with charismatic fervor in the front seat, and trying to spy John Dunbar's horse in the corral at the Wild West town were a few memories that came back to me in wonderful waves.

Something more climactic happens when you reach Chamberlain, SD and you begin the decent to the Missouri River crossing. I remember from all our treks across the country from Georgia to Montana that at that river crossing we knew we were in the west. After that point, the landscape begins to change dramatically and the realization of being in the homestretch really sets in. I'll admit to pulling over and letting a small flood of tears stream down my face. Tolkien's quote "Home is behind, the world ahead" came to the forefront of my thoughts. Here I was on the threshold of my childhood paradise which had become the home of my late 20's. Every mile beyond that point brought me increasing joy.

I had great weather leaving Sioux City even though it was chilly and a bit windy. I admired the Badlands from afar - poor planning on my part meant I had to stay on I90 instead of taking 240 through them - and made a pit-stop in Wall, SD. Rapid City, Sturgis, and Spearfish still had remnants of snow in some places - more so in Spearfish. Filling up there was brief to say the least. I also stopped at a two pump station with a casino in it. I didn't linger there long. From Spearfish I headed north to Belle Fourche so I could take 212 into Wyoming and on to Montana.

I hit the WY state line at 11:19 AM and the MT state line just after that. I most definitely cried tears of joy and a bit of disbelief. I had finally made it to Montana. I updated everyone of my progress, as had been my habit the entire trip. Of course I still had about five hours until I reached Big Timber, but all the responses were excited and congratulatory. Their support and encouragement was still strong and welcomed.

212 is a nice drive with plenty of wide vistas and a variety of landscape. It cuts off 100 miles of the journey, but consequently adds an hour to your trip time. Perhaps if it hadn't been raining, I would have enjoyed the drive more. But once I hit Broadus, the sun went AWOL and I was escorted by clouds until Ashland where they decided to pour rain on me.

I cannot say the drive from Ashland to Billings was enjoyable in the least. Mostly due to the rain and the actions of my fellow drivers - mainly the truck drivers. If I weren't dealing with the spray they kicked up from the road which sent my windshield wipers into a frantic tizzy, I was having them fly up and then ride my rear bumper because of another slow car in front of me - or, in several cases, another semi! I don't think I experienced a more stressful stretch of my journey as that one. Sure, I could have passed the slow vehicle...but no one thought putting their headlights on was a prudent choice in the pouring rain. Numerous cars surprised me when they came past the semi and then past me. Passing the slow poke was a no-go. I was not going to play blind chicken with any oncoming cars.

I90 came up fast after Busby. If I had been more aware, I might have ventured over the Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument, but I was past it before I even knew it was there. Plus, it was still raining and I was running out of travel enthusiasm steam. I just wanted to reach Big Timber and get out of my truck. The rain was not helping either. I wanted to see Montana on my drive in and the dratted rain was forcing me to focus only on the road. All I could see was a 360 degree wall. No rolling prairie. No mountains. I struggled to even see Billings when I crossed the Yellowstone - which was roaring with all the runoff. So I suppose that was an exciting sight. But I was still venting and pouting to family and friends that I was travelling in the rain.

I had to shut up and switch gears when I reached Columbus though. God hadn't forsaken me in any part of my journey, and He didn't fail me then. He parted the clouds over the Beartooths and my heart soared. They were standing off in the distance in all their magnificence and covered in more snow than I had yet seen on them. All the driving, shifting in my seat, hair-pulling traffic, aggravating drivers, energy drinks, early mornings, and each fuel stop made that view so worth it. And I knew from Columbus on would be a build up of excitement. Big Timber and the Crazies and my grandparent's ranch was only a short forty-five minutes away.

It spit rain on me here and there for the remaining forty miles or so, which I was thankful for as I reminded myself that it was washing the bug guts off the truck. But rounding that last curve before the first Big Timber exit, the Crazies met my gaze in all their snow-capped splendor and I was actually bouncing up and down in my seat with joy. Carefully, of course.

I turned off the interstate and headed towards the Fort to fill up with fuel. I notified my friends and family and social media outlets that I had made it to Point B - Big Timber, the long weekend stop before heading to Point C, Big Sky. I grabbed a bottle of wine and hit up my buddies. I sat in on what was supposed to be their band practice but it turned into a social catch-up. A lot of laughs later, I said goodnight, and made my way to bed. I fell asleep with the absolute delighted thought that I was finally in Montana and my solo adventure was just beginning.

05.17.2017

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ouraidengray4 · 8 years

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Here's Why You Might Feel Sad After Finishing a Big Race

One evening in late October, I was catching up with a friend when I suddenly found myself breaking down.

"I’m going through a hard time," I told her, choking back tears. "I had the worst summer of my life."

The first statement was true, evidenced by my zombie-like daytime interactions and random, tear-filled outbursts on the subway (sorry, New Yorkers on the A train). But I'll admit that the second was pure melodrama, sputtered only in retaliation to how the event I had most been looking forward to all summer had played out: my first Ironman.

Here I am, still feeling that post-race glow.

Starting in May and continuing through September, I dedicated weekday mornings and full weekends to swimming, biking, and running to prepare for the 140.2-mile course of Ironman Maryland on October 1. I’ve run 10 marathons before, but I approached my training to this particular race with a new level of determination. I hired a triathlon coach, found a core group of training partners, and even upgraded my steel-framed bike to a triathlon-specific, carbon-fiber model from Specialized bikes.

I was dedicated. And come October, I was ready to crush the distance.

Unfortunately, the Ironman gods had other plans. On the morning of the race, the swim start was first delayed, then abruptly cancelled due to unsafe water conditions. We were left with only the bike and run portions of the course. While not insignificant feats, it was not the race course we had expected.