#but its right before gansey had to sacrifice himself

[es-3]

yk, props to gansey for having the “craving the chase not the end result” mindset for glendower but not converting that over to blue

[abarbaricyalp]

Rushed Apologies and Their Consequences (Happy Valoween )

[I don’t care what Maggie said in her tweet. (Okay, I do, but I was already halfway done with this and so we’re going to disregard for 2800 words)

A stupid holiday fic that I knocked out in two good days (four bad ones with migraines). Not Valentine’s, but sappy enough to be.]

It begins in August with a rushed apology against his lips. Adam’s bag was already slung over his shoulder and his whole body was vibrating with energy. They’d only made it two weeks before Adam had let himself be convinced to come home. Adam with his new haircut, his curls in his face, the sides and back cropped close. Not Ronan close, but closer than Ronan was used to. His hand kept slipping on Adam’s hair, leaving small love bruises at the base of his skull or his shoulder instead, where Ronan held onto Adam like he was going to escape again.

Escape again. Adam had already put all the food Ronan insisted he took with him in the car. It was running behind them, a familiar purr while the shit-box remained on the blocks. No one else could leave town with the BMW but here Adam was, doing it anyway. Again. They’d been trading sad kisses for so long, Adam’s bag had dug a harsh mark on his shoulder, between two faint finger marks.

“I’m sorry,” Adam said again. Ronan could taste the sweat on his skin, the summer air thick around them. He moved his mouth to Adam’s jaw, up his new shaved sideburns into his flop of hair. He took a deep breath, getting more sun heat than shampoo. “I just don’t have time in my schedule now. Not until November.”

“Knew there was a reason it was so easy to get you down here so soon,” Ronan huffed, squeezing the back of Adam’s neck softly. Adam leaned into him, closed his eyes. Reacted just the way that made Ronan’s chest ache so badly.

Adam’s fancy new position was only a week old, despite his internship being closer to two years. But this was a real job and none of his time rolled over and he was stuck doing grunge work again, slaving away long hours and not able to ask for time off for at least six months. And knowing Adam, and Ronan does, even that won’t open a gate to more vacations.

“They’ll fix my schedule after the initial rush. By November, I’ll have weekends open again,” Adam promised. He squeezed his fingers on Ronan’s hip and coaxed him into another real kiss. Ronan wasn’t terribly upset. They were going into their third year navigating Adam’s college life. Things had come up before. There was one spring semester where Adam had only come home twice between the end of his winter break and the graduation in May. Spring Break was not one of those times. So, Ronan was pretty certain he could handle two months.

“Fucking answer my skype calls then,” he said gruffly, kissing the corner of Adam’s mouth.

“If I’m not working,” Adam said. He grinned, and it felt perfect on Ronan’s lips. “I’ve got to go, doll. I have work,” he murmured eventually, after they’d kissed and held and whispered nothings to each other for too long.

“I know. Just give me one more,” Ronan insisted. He tilted Adam’s face up with a hand on his jaw. Adam was weak and loose under him. They kissed again.

———-

 Ronan’s hair grew fast. It always had. His beard, his hair, his fucking pubes, even his leg hair the time Helen ripped a stripe off when they were fourteen at Gansey’s house. Adam shaved his head almost every two weeks when he was home and going a full month made Ronan look almost normal.

It’d been two months and no amount of begging got Adam down to Henrietta and no amount of Adam offering brought Ronan up to Boston. (“Your city wants to be hippie without fucking giving in and it isn’t punk either.”) Two months since they’d seen each other and Ronan was fucking itching out of his skin for just fucking eye contact.

By the time Halloween rolled around, Ronan had a full head of hair and he hated it. But he was playing a long con, dammit. And that required sacrifice. Sacrifice like not fist fighting Declan in Nino’s parking lot every time he scoffed at Ronan, because Declan’s a fucking pussy and would pull a handful of hair out of Ronan’s head to win. Sacrifice like suffering through Gansey’s, slightly drunken, speech at a party about how it shows Ronan’s growing past his childhood trauma. Sacrifice like biting his tongue and calling Blue and stripping down for her.

She kept an unimpressed eyebrow raised, clippers in hand. “Say again what you want me to do?”

Ronan self consciously, for once in his life, tugged his boxers higher on his waist before sitting down on the kitchen chair he’d dragged into the bathroom. The last thing he needed was for Blue to see the top of his crack because his stupid boxers rode down when he sat.

“Just, you know,” he waved his hand around, “the undercut thing.”

“Why would I do that to you?” she asked, still unimpressed, still dubious. She was home from a conservation trip early. She’d ended up so sick that they worried she’d risk the entire expedition. So there she was, recouping, and growling at Ronan without meaning too because her vocal cords went out with the cough.

“It’s for my Halloween costume. Come on, man, cut my damn hair.” Ronan was facing the mirror so he saw her roll her eyes and shove the flowy sleeves of her exercise shirt up.

“No one cuts their hair for a Halloween costume,” she grumbled. He almost didn’t hear it. “No one grows out their hair,” she added, louder, because then there was a comb between her teeth.

She balanced the clippers on Ronan’s shoulder and started pulling clips out of her hair, holding them between her lips with the comb. She gathered up as much of Ronan’s hair as she could in one fist and tied a rubberband around it. It\ was a sad excuse of a ponytail. A bun? He didn’t even know.

“God, you’ve got a lot of hair,” she muttered, tsking softly. “I don’t know how Adam has the patience to buzz it off so evenly.”

“He knows he’ll be fairly compensated,” Ronan answered with a lascivious grin. She buzzed the clippers against his bare neck in warning.

“How tall do you want the shaved part?” she asked, tucking his hair into clips.

“Does it matter? I’m going to shave it all off in the morning. Just make it look like Adam’s.”

Blue paused and then smirked at Ronan in the mirror. “You’re dressing up as your boyfriend for Halloween?” she teased. Ronan scowled at her and swatted at her hands.

Blue just laughed and went back to measuring the back of Ronan’s head with her hand. “Okay, well, Adam has a fade, since his hair is more wavy than curly. I don’t think you’d need it. Your curls will hide the hard edge of the shave.”

“Yeah, yeah, just get on with it, Sargent.”

Blue sighed, long suffering, and pressed the clippers against Ronan’s neck. He couldn’t help the initial shiver. It still fucking tickled after all this time and it’d been two months since he’s shaved his head.

“Don’t move,” Blue snapped and Ronan stilled again. The whole process barely took ten minutes. Blue stepped away and Ronan reached up to feel how high she’d shaved. It felt right, the short hair against his palm again. The ring Adam had given him, with no explanation, didn’t catch on anything and when he scratched his nails over the back of his head, it scritched wonderfully. In the mirror, he ran his hands over the side of his head. He looked ridiculous.  Like some kind of greaser who survived to the present day. He hated it and he loved it. Mostly he loved it because Adam was going to lose his shit over it. He hated everything else about it.

“Are you driving up to see him?” Blue asked. Ronan stood and scrubbed his hands through his hair to get the loose hair off. More fell from his shoulders, dark curls littered the floor. Blue threw a towel at him.

“Cheng’s throwing a party up there. He’s making Adam go. I’ll meet him there.”

“And I assume the poor guy doesn’t have a clue what you’re planning,” she added.

“Hell no. The shit doesn’t wanna come home for half a year, he can deal with being surprised now and then.”

Blue rolled her eyes and sighed. “Gansey’s making us go look for temporal areas and crossing spirits.”

“I thought that was St. Mark’s Eve.”

“You think the line between worlds is weak only once in 365 days?”

Ronan scoffed as he quickly rifled through his memories of spirits, ley lines, and temporal spaces.  “No,” he ventured with another scoff.

“You’re such a bad liar. It’s a good thing you don’t make a habit of it, isn’t it?”

“Fuck off, Sargent. I have to get going to make it to the party before Adam decides to leave.”

“Then you’ve only got a few hours, huh?”

“You know it and I know it,” Ronan agreed with a grin. “Get outta my house. Go find ghosts with your boyfriend. Say hi to our favorite if you hear him.”

Blue knocked her fist against Ronan’s shoulder and he reciprocated before she handed back the clippers and left just as quickly as she’d come. Ronan cleaned the mess, got himself dressed again, and headed out to the truck. He fucking hated driving it up to Boston, but Adam still had the BMW and he didn’t really have a choice, unless he wanted to risk getting stranded on the side of the road in the Shitbox, which was only partially working. Worse than the Pig even. And apparently the Pig wasn’t available for a multi-day joy ride either, if Gansey was off hunting the supernatural again. As if the supernatural had not always found its way to him.

He took one last longing look at the Barns and made sure the psychics hadn’t already texted him about the brat, before he backed out of the driveway entirely too quickly for the old truck.

 _______________

 Cheng’s party was already in full swing, even though it was only eight. Ronan parked in the garage, even though everyone else was parked on the street, and stepped out in a nicely fitted suit, old Harvard letter jacket thrown over his arm. He’d stolen the jacket from Gansey Sr. Ronan and Gansey III hated it enough that it was reviling just to hold it, but Adam had been meticulous in not leaving his hoodie anywhere Ronan could grab it and hide it. The suit came up just before his ankles, tucked neatly against his hips, a call back to Ronan’s favorite Fancy-Adam-Look when he’d forgotten a pair of slacks and had to make do with a pair of Gansey’s. But Gansey was significantly shorter than Adam and the pants had been too short. Still, everyone called him a trendsetter and Henry started wearing his slacks cuffed. Ronan was pretty sure Henry just wanted an in real life excuse to wear them like that, but whatever. His shirts always fit in the most delicious way because of how sculpted his arms were and how tight his waist was. He could walk into a common store, grab a shirt, and have it fit perfectly. Ronan didn’t have to worry about that. He just tailored his shirt tighter than he normally wore them.

And he’d thrown a little bit of product in his hair to keep his curls where they belonged, instead of falling all over his head like a wet perm.

All in all, he thought  he looked kind of like Adam. A caricature of Adam, at least. People would get the joke. Adam would definitely get the joke. And either Ronan was definitely getting laid tonight, or he’d get punched. Either way, he was going to see his boyfriend.

Ronan slung the jacket over his shoulder and stalked into the frat house Cheng was hosting his party in. Naturally, Cheng found him before Ronan found Adam.

“Attack dog! Who let you off your leash?” Cheng laughed, stumbling through the crowd, losing adoring fans along the way. “Ronan Lynch, no shit, you’re really here?” he laughed, slinging an arm around Ronan’s ribs. Across the room, Ronan catches a flash of blond snap up.

Without even waiting for Cheng to let go of him, Ronan was pushing through the crowd, meeting Adam halfway in a collision of confusion and joy.

“Ronan?” Adam asked, staring at Ronan’s chest instead of his face like that would have more answers. He brought his hand up to the straight line of buttons, the silly bow tie. Finally, he looked up at Ronan and choked on his next breath. “What the hell, Lynch?” he laughed, reaching up to run his fingers through Ronan’s hair gently before tugging on it just lightly. “That’s why you’ve been wearing a hat when you call? Bad shave job, my ass.” Adam was beaming up at Ronan and Ronan felt everything in his soul melt for the man in front of him.

He hugged his arms around Adam’s waist and leaned down to kiss him deeply. The letter jacket fell to the ground as Adam moved his hands over Ronan’s shoulder. He didn’t stop to grab the jacket until both he and Ronan had gone breathless and light-headed from kissing. He held it in front of him before looking at Ronan and scoffing indignantly.

“You’re dressed like me! God, you’re such a shit!” Adam laughed, throwing the jacket at Ronan before stepping into his arms again and pressing his face to Ronan’s chest. He could feel his strong heartbeat, ecstatic and bounding in his chest. Adam could listen to it all night, could find it under all the bad music and the shouting voices.

“What’re you supposed to be then?” Ronan asked after a few more moments of just taking Adam in again. It was more overwhelming than he’d expected. Getting Adam back was always like coming home. Like freezing rain when he was angry. Like opening the windows on the first spring day. Like waking up in fresh sheets.

Adam stepped back and gestured to himself. “I’m a cowboy. You can’t tell?” he teased. And Ronan would be able to tell if he wasn’t soaking in Adam in dirty jeans again. He’d stopped wearing them so much once he started school. Then it was all smart attire and clean dark wash. Ronan reached for his hips, pulling him close.

“You’re making all my stupid childhood fantasies a little bit dirtier,” he growled, leaning down to kiss Adam’s jaw.

“Mmm, maybe that was what I was going for,” Adam agreed. He brought a hand back up to Ronan’s head, pulling at his hair again. “Let’s get back home,” he murmured, tilting his head to kiss Ronan’s earlobe.

“Hell yeah, cowboy,” Ronan agreed, grabbing Adam’s hand and dragging him out of the house. Adam laughed and followed.

 ______________

 “Adam,” Ronan murmured, rolling over further to drop himself over Adam’s arm.  “Adam,” he insisted. He kissed Adam’s jaw and then his shoulder and down his arm. “Adam Parrish.”

Adam groaned and elbowed Ronan in the face before mumbling an apology into his pillow. “What, Lynch?”

“Come shave my head.”

“It’s not even seven in the morning,” Adam yawned, pulling the blanket free from under Ronan’s hip to hold it over his head. Ronan pulled the blanket away again.

“Yeah, but it’s been two months for me. I look like an idiot.”

“Thought you were s’posed to look like me?”

Ronan kissed Adam’s arm again, holding it hand to pull it to his lips, kissing his knuckles until he could get his lips around two of Adam’s fingers.

Adam groaned under him, turning over more and working his hips against the bed subtly. “Fine. Fine. I’ll shave your stupid head,” he mumbled, but didn’t move.

“Baby,” Ronan whined, shifting down to kiss the line of Adam’s spine, down to the dimples between his hips, just above his ass. “Baby, please,” he breathed softly, nuzzling his nose along Adam’s back.

Goosebumps erupted over Adam’s skin and he shivered under the attention before finally rolling over. Ronan face planted into his stomach but made do, kissing down his happy trail. “Stop that if you want me to go shave your head,” Adam warned in a yawn, one hand going to his hair and the other going to Ronan’s. He scratched his nails over Ronan’s scalp and combed his fingers through his beautiful curls. “Do we have to cut it?” he asked in a whine. They were both whiny that morning. They could do that to each other.

Ronan licked a strip over Adam’s hip bone. “Don’t I treat you good after you help me out?” he asked, scraping his teeth over Adam’s hip before he looked up at him. He watched Adam swallow and then bite his lip. ”Please dig out those terrible clippers of yours and take care of my hair. Then I’ll take care of you, baby.”

“Yeah,” Adam agreed thickly. “Yeah, alright, let’s get you shaved again, doll.”

Ronan leans up and kissed him, something soft and sweet and slow.

[Read on AO3 HERE]

[little-panem]

The Raven King - notes

«Richard Gansey III had forgotten how many times he had been told he was destined for greatness» ((paralleling Blue's prologue in TRB, uh?)) - 1

Excelsior: onward and upward

The prologue is #intense AF and Gansey Boy is a king three times and he knows he's going to die

«Time, like a story, was not a line; it was an ocean» - 4

Ronan «Ronan Lynch loved to dream about light» - 25

Chap 6 (47) has the most blessed Bronan exchange, the suspended Blue one

Adam «Adam had seen many of Ronan's dreams made real by now, and he knew how savage and lovely and terrifying and whimsical they could be. But this girl (Opal) was the most Ronan of any of them that he'd seen. What a frightened monster she was» - 57

Adam «Cabeswater didn't quite understand humans, but it learned. Happiness, it insisted. Happiness» - 62

Adam «[Ronan] caught Adam's eye. When Adam's mouth quirked, Ronan's expression stilled for a moment before turning into the loose smile he ordinarily reserved for Matthew's silliness. Adam felt a surge of both accomplishment and nerves. He skated an edge here. Making Ronan Lynch smile felt as charged as making a bargain with Cabeswater. These weren't forces to play with» - 63

Adam on Ronan's unprotected tone with Matthew and Aurora «This tone reminded him of that unshielded smile from before. Don't play, he told himself. This is not a game. But it didn't feel like a game, if he was being honest. Adrenaline whispered in his heart» - 64

Henry calls Blue Gansey's "child bride" - 105

Maura to Blue «"Private school boys? Using random pieces of fabric as apparel? That seems like exactly what you stand for these days"» - 111

Blue «In a Venn diagram where one circle held the words toga party and one held the words Henry Cheng, Gansey might possibly and up where they intersected» - 112

Maura «Consequences, as Calla often said, were a bitch» - 123

Henry to Blue «"Wendybird came!"» - 136

Ronan «His feelings for Adam were like an oil spill: he'd let them overflow and now there wasn't a damn place in the ocean that wouldn't catch fire if he dropped a match» - 141

Ronan «[Adam] allowed Ronan to lean in to compare his eyes – close enough that Ronan felt his breath on his cheek – and he allowed Ronan to study the palm of his hand. The latter was not strictly necessary, and they both knew it, but Adam watched Ronan closely as he lightly traced the lines there. This was like walking the line between dream and sleep» - 142

Ronan «He knew Adam had figured out how he felt. But he didn't know if he could step off this knife-slender path without destroying what he had» - 143

Chap 20 (153) is the Toga Party™ and Bluesey at its peak

Adam «Blue took Gansey's hand. Adam was glad she did. "Gross" Ronan said» - 195

"If you cannot be unafraid be afraid and happy" ((Cheng One with the knowledge!!)) - 210

Ronan «"Asshole," Ronan said. Adam smiled cheerily. Ronan would start wars and burn cities for that true smile, elastic and amiable» - 219

Ronan «"Miseria fortes viros, Ronan," Adam said. When he said "Ronan," it meant: Ronan. "Asshole," Ronan said again, but he felt a little better» - 221

Adam on Ronan's aversion for phones «Now that Adam knew him better, he realized it had more to do with a phone not allowing for any posturing. Ninety percent of how Ronan conveyed his feelings was through his body language, and his phone simply didn't care» - 236

Chapter 33 (236) is The Pynch Chapter™ and I fucking accidentally read The Kiss™ while Hurricane by 30stm blasted through my headphones and it hurts every time and I'm gonna need time to recover oh my goodness

Ronan after kissing Adam and running to a roof «Ronan felt that he had caught happiness without meaning to» - 244

Piper «"Let it be thus, or whatever"» - 249

Henry «He spray-painted the words PEACE, BITCHES on the dumpster behind a gelato parlour» - 267

Something more ~

Henry «"What do you mean Ronan's a magical entity? Is he a demon? Because this all makes sense if so"» - 275

Adam «When he opened his eyes, he saw Ronan was looking at him, as he had been looking at him for months. Adam looked back, as he had been looking back for months» - 297

Blue «It was terrible to see [Ronan] without any fire or acid in his eyes» ((my soul is broken)) - 321

T'ire e'lintes = tree-lights

Artemus to Blue «"All of the tire e e'lintes are full of potential"» - 329

Gwenllian to Gansey «"I stopped asking how. I just did it. The head is too wise. The heart is all fire"» - 338

Gwenllian to Gansey «"Godspeed, King"» - 338

«"[Gansey] can't go alone," Adam said. "He'll do something stupid." "I'm infinitely aware," Blue replied.» - 344

Henry on being Korean «"I am. I got that, and the vandal part, from my mother"» - 359

Henry to Gansey «"Jeong, bro." […] "We instead of you and me. That's jeong"» - 360

From April to November

Gansey «He remembered thinking that it would only ruin the party by reappearing covered with hornets» ((#priorities)) - 364

Gansey «He had meant to find Glendower, and now he was finding Glendower. Joy and sadness, too big for his body to contain» - 369

Ronan to Gansey «"You dumb shit"» - 373

Adam to Gansey «"You dumb shit"» - 373

Gansey «They'd come here for him. They'd come here for him. They'd come here for him» - 374

Gansey on finding Glendower «It felt exactly right»

«Gansey had to duck his head a little. Ronan had to duck his head a lot» - 377

Gansey «Gansey's heart stumbled inside him at the idea of trying to extract both a favour and a purpose for his existence before Glendower turned to dust» - 381

Gansey «If Glendower had not saved Gansey's life, he did not know who to thank, or who to be, or how to live» - 382

Gansey «It was over» - 383

Ronan «The choice was death or hurting Adam, which wasn't much of a choice at all» - 391

Ronan «[Adam's] head rested miserably on Ronan's shoulder, everything shaking, standing only because Ronan did not allow him to sink» - 394

On Adam being the sacrifice «"No," Blue, Gansey and Ronan said at once - 395 

«"Do you ever feel like things are coming full circle?" Ronan said in a low voice. "Do you...?"» - 405

«"He's being unmade"» - 406

Adam «[scrying] was the only way he could survive being so close to Ronan's pained gasps» - 407

Demon «[The dreamer] shaped [dreams] into flapping creatures and earthbound stars and flaming crowns and golden notes that sang by themselves and mint leaves scattered across the blood-streaked pavement and scraps of paper with jagged handwriting on them: Unguibus et rostro. But he was dying» - 411

Gansey «Blue closed here eyes, and two tears ran out of them. She did not cry noisily, or in a way that asked him to say anything different. She was a hopeful creature, but she was also a sensible creature» - 413

Gansey «He fell quietly from her arms. He was a king» - 415

Noah «"Goodbye," Noah said. "Don't throw it away." He quietly slid from time» - 418

Adam «Adam was not Robert, but he could have been, and he forgave that past Adam for being afraid of the possibility» - 428

TRB  TDT  BLLB 

[aestheticminyard]

We’ve Got to Break This Cycle

pynch | 1,764 words | M | part 3 of 3 (part 1) (part 2) | tw: gore, blood

Chapter 3: Mother (ao3)

Cabeswater had died, in a sense, almost a decade ago; it had sacrificed itself for Gansey, for the simple reason that he was integral to its survival. Cabeswater did not exist without Ronan, and Ronan did not exist without Gansey. Ronan’s magnificent creation—his channeling of the ancient magic into a tangible forest—had been tainted, poisoned by the demon and was already dying.

It’s sacrifice allowed for new life, for the chance that it would one day return—in a millennia, in an age, with a new dreamer who dreamed new dreams (who would hopefully be more like Ronan than the others had been). Some part of Cabeswater remained in the grove of Ronan’s dreams, fading into hazy shadow at the edges of his vision; some part remained in Adam’s magic, admiring his attempts to revive it. The trees had lost their souls for salvation, but everything is reborn someday.

Why Ronan? Why was he allowed this reminder of what he had done for love—love of a brother and a friend, love of memories and of dreams—and for fear and knowledge of what loss could bring? Gansey had died for him, and so part of Ronan had died for Gansey in turn. Part of Ronan was already dead anyway, a beautiful part that had taught him to swim and kissed his knees when he fell and scared away the dark left by his father’s long absences with candlelit stories.

Aurora had lived in Cabeswater—as much as someone neither alive nor dead can live—and became a part of it as all its inhabitants had. She was not the trees that Blue traced her lineage to, not the abandoned Mitsubishi missing keys and maker. She was not hands nor eyes of the magic itself, not born of the ley line her son and his friends had chased for so long.

She slumbered for the ten odd years that her son learned how to live with her loss, but she remembered his pain. She was dead—as much as someone neither alive nor dead can die—when Ronan and Adam found her body, mutilated and bloody and far too much like her husband’s had once been, but her sentience had struggled when she heard his agony shake the ancient forest.

Ronan had lost so much, though he gained love that sometimes made him forget for a moment that he was an orphan with too much resting on his tired shoulders. His father had been a wicked dreamer, and his mother a perfect dream. Both were long dead, but Adam was broken in his arms, a fragment of his life still holding on—as much as something that is practically dead can do anything—as though Adam knew he was a necessity to Ronan’s survival.

Ronan’s agony was stronger even than it had been when Niall had died, when Aurora had ceased to be. It shook the world. Aurora was his mother, but she knew this was not a bloody knee to patch up, nor tears to wipe away. She knew this was not a monster to chase away in the night, nor the demon that had killed her that Ronan had almost died because of too.

This was Ronan’s soul wrenched from his body, held in a place between life and death. Aurora had ceased to be once Niall died, for she was made by him. Ronan was made for Adam, and even he could not survive this death.

Aurora woke up, deep in the grove of Ronan’s memory, of his dreams. Her hair was matted with decade-old blood, her nails broken and her body mangled, but she dragged herself onward. Gansey had been searching for a lost king who would change his world, but did not recognize that the woman who had bore the Greywaren was a queen.

“Help him,” she demanded, exerting more force than she ever had in life—as much as someone neither dead nor alive can live.

“We are not able,” the trees replied, words more of wind between their leaves than wrought from lungs and mouths.

“I was not making a request.”

The trees were silent, realizing as Gansey had not that a queen lay among them. Her eyes were cloudy after years of disuse, but she looked through their exteriors to hold the souls within with her stare. She had been beautiful once, but she had always been much more than that, something slumbering beneath her somber superficiality.

“He is not yet gone,” she said, feeling at once herself and Ronan, still shaking as he clutched Adam’s body, breaking her heart as each sob wracked his body. Adam’s soul still held its grip, as it could not stand being ripped away. She reached through her mind, through Ronan’s to Adam’s, and clutched his hands in her own, relegating her remaining strength to him. “Help him.”

“His fate is decided.”

“We are beyond fate now. It does not exist here.”

Adam’s hands were cooling against her own, and she felt his fear. She heard his last thoughts, his impossible wish for Ronan’s happiness. It was him she addressed, pressing her forehead to his.

“You are his happiness. You are all that he is.”

Aurora gazed up at the trees again. Her words, her might, had moved them too. She felt their hands on her shoulders, their strength flooding her empty veins and reaching for Adam too.

“You tried to save him from perishing at my death. You can save him now.”

The magic of Cabeswater had sacrificed so much for Gansey, who was truly gone, who believed his death an inescapable necessity. He had not attempted to remain once he had died, not realized that a sacrifice would be made for him. Adam’s soul remembered Gansey’s death, how they begged for his life back. Aurora felt more hands, more magic, come to their aid. Adam’s friends—his family now—with their love and pain and fear and agony even louder than death.

Aurora chased away death’s darkness, it’s grip on his soul. She pushed him a little, pushing his soul back into his body. Aurora knew she could not repair any lasting trauma, but the trees put him back together—putting him back inside himself too. Aurora kissed Adam’s forehead, wiping away his tears and as much of his pain as she could muster.

“This is what a mother is supposed to be,” Adam whispered.

Adam was aware of pain receding from his body, but he could not place why it had been there to begin with. His head was pounding, and he heard the metallic scratch of his wedding ring on the wet pavement beneath him before he felt it; Ronan would roll his eyes at the new marks on the ring, but he would surely repair them if Adam wished. Adam felt as though he were missing something important. What day was it? Why was everything so wet?

He was in Ronan’s arms. He could hear sobs—that was what was moving him rather than his own volition. There were hands bracketing the rest of his body, gripping him so hard he might have bruises in the morning.

What had happened that morning?

Adam remembered Blue and Gansey and Henry were supposed to come over, that Ronan had reminded him of this as soon as they woke. They hadn’t gotten out of bed right away until Opal threw Orion’s left foot directly at Ronan’s eye, and he had to get out of bed to chase her down. Adam had sat up, resting on his arms as he heard the sounds of them sprinting and yelling throughout the house. This was happiness.

Adam managed to open his eyes slightly. He had a strange, sideways view right at the bottom of Ronan’s BMW. It really did need an oil change; Adam would have to take it in tomorrow. He looked around as far as his half-open eyes would allow. The wetness covering the ground wasn’t rain, but blood. Who was hurt? Who was bleeding this mu—

It was Adam.

It all came back to him in a rush. The man with the tire iron, mirroring Mr. Grey so many years before. Laumonier. The blows against his head, that made him wince just to remember. There was something beyond that, beyond his brutal death.

He had died.

How was he not dead now? He remembered trying to stay, remembered his grip starting to fail and then strengthening as though more hands were joining his. He remembered light against his eyes, love so strong it was too painful to stay away. He remembered a mother’s kiss against his forehead, a mother’s belief in him—something he found hard to understand, though he was sure it had happened.

He fought through his lasting haze of confusion, and opened his eyes fully. They were partially obscured with blood still, and his mouth felt as though it were filled with sand. Was he even breathing? He was definitely dehydrated—that much he knew.

Adam tried to say Ronan’s name, but no sound managed to make it past his lips. Adam tried again.

“R-Ron-nan,” he choked out.

Ronan’s hands were on his face instantly, rubbing against his cheeks and over his brow and his lips and everywhere that he could reach. He maneuvered Adam so that he could see him, and Adam saw that the majority of the sobbing had been Ronan’s. He still wept now, though out of joy at the impossibility of Adam breathing again. Ronan’s hands shakily traveled to the back of Adam’s head, looking for the gaping wound and finding none.

“Adam,” Ronan said, heart in his throat. “Oh, Adam.”

Adam willed his arms to move, and wrapped them around Ronan’s neck, pulling him close until there was barely space to breathe between them. They were both shaking now, Ronan’s stuttering hands tracing every inch of Adam. Adam hated himself for what his death had put Ronan through.

“Do-don’t you d-dare,” Ronan ordered, as though he could read Adam’s mind, which wouldn’t even be a shock at this point in the day.

Adam was aware that his friends were also there, but his heart ached too much for what he’d almost lost—what he and Ronan had almost lost. Their souls were inseparable, and even the weak remainder of Cabeswater could see that.

Ronan pulled away an inch, just to look into Adam’s eyes. His gaze was reverent—more so than usual—and it was as though he never wanted to miss another second of seeing Adam alive. He pressed a kiss to Adam’s forehead, murmuring again and again there between the press of his lips.

“You came back.”

Ok firstly I am so sorry that it has been a year since I posted the second chapter. I kinda stopped writing fics for a while (as I’m sure some of you noticed), and tried to focus on more of my own content. This is not technically the end of this piece—I am planning on writing a (happier???) short epilogue very soon. Thank you for reading this piece.

I know I seriously haven’t done anything in like a year, but send me prompts and comments if you want and I will try to start getting to them.

[ghosthunter721]

Lost Souls - The Raven Cycle

Summary:  The Gangsey, two weeks later, talking about what *they think* happened to Noah. Post-TRK, Pre-Epilogue.

Words: 1,371

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11374242

Monmouth Manufacturing was filled up with the usual friend group. It had been two weeks since Gansey died, since Cabsewater sacrificed itself to save him, since Adam nearly killed Ronan, since they discovered the dust left over from Glendower’s long dead self. It was a Sunday afternoon and the weather had a sharp chill that was seeping in through the windows, warning of the colder weather that was very quickly approaching.

Life had, oddly enough, continued after the final discovery of Glendower had been acknowledge. Senior year had kept forcing each one of them to give their attention to school, jobs had kept both Blue and Adam away from the group for the most time. Although, they still had come by Nino’s at times to bug her, there was still an unspoken question surrounding them all.

Now what?

Today was a quiet day for everyone. Adam, astonishingly, managed to not have to work at any of his three jobs. So he sat up against a wall, hands intertwined with Ronan’s, legs casually touching. The two boys only sort of watching Henry as he acted out something that he found hilarious that happened at school on Friday. Blue didn’t have to work at Nino’s today, and she already took care of her dog walks in the morning, so today found her and Gansey sitting up on the couch, hands also intertwined with one another, as Blue had her head resting on Gansey’s shoulder.

Silence fell on them once again, Henry had gotten a short laugh out of everyone – Ronan included – and he deemed that a success for the day. He crouched down next to the miniature model of Henrietta that was in the middle of the room, examining it once again. RoboBee was buzzing around the small model of the town as well, landing down on Monmouth Manufacturing’s roof and shutting down.

It was a couple minutes of silence before Blue sighed and sat up from Gansey’s shoulder, “Noah isn’t coming back, is he?” She was speaking softly, but Monmouth had been holding its breath for this question. It was in the back of everyone’s mind, which was evident when eyes all turned towards where Noah bedroom door was still closed. No one had seen Noah in two weeks, the last time that anyone saw him was when Gansey was brought to Gwenllian the day he died for the second time.

The question hung in the air, no one wanted to confirm what they all thought. So there it sat, sitting on each person’s shoulders, waiting for someone to break first. Even Henry, who never had the chance to meet Noah, was well aware of what Noah meant to his friends.

Finally, Ronan broke first, Adam felt him tense, “Well I fucking guess so. Noah has never been gone this fucking long before.” Even with as sharp as Ronan said it, almost like he didn’t care, Adam knew different. Ronan cared so much about Noah, it was hard for him to vocalize that, though – so his anger came shining through.

Gansey swallowed roughly, “Do you possibly think-” His voice cracked a bit, he paused and cleared himself before continuing, voice still rocky, “Do you possibly think it is because of Cabeswater?” Because it sacrificed itself to save my life? Eyes turned towards Gansey, contemplating the hidden meaning behind his question.

“Noah continued because of the ley lines, not Cabeswater.” Adam said, trying to simultaneously make Gansey and Ronan – who had been secretly wanting to put Cabeswater back together – feel better, “The ley lines are still intact.”

“Then why-” Ronan started, then stopped, looking away from Adam and his friends and instead off to where Noah’s old room used to be, as if expecting Noah to walk out of it at any moment.

“If Noah could come back, he would’ve by now.” Blue said, still speaking softly, but confidently, “If he hasn’t come back, there has to be a reason for it. Something had to have happened.”

Ronan turned his steely eyes on Blue, “What could he have done, Sargent? He was already a fucking ghost of his ghost self with Gansey last saw him.” Ronan thought back to the last time that he had been with Noah, it was right after he found his mom dead in Cabeswater. Ronan was in a shock and sat in his car, Noah kept trying to talk to him, but Ronan couldn’t focus on anything that the smudgy boy was saying. All Ronan could keep thinking about and seeing was his dead mother. Noah was in a bad place as well, he was just a trick of the light at that point. Ronan thought about what he would have said to Noah if he had realized that was the last time that he was going to ever see him.

The comment that Ronan made was something that everyone recognized. Noah was almost gone when they all last saw him, but they had other things on their plates. No one realized that, on that horrible day when they all lost so much, they would have to add Noah to their list.

A silence fell again, everyone finally taking in that Noah was actually gone. No one in that room ever got to know Noah as he was alive, when he was more, but they all got to know the ghost of himself. They all liked that Noah. There was a comfort in that Noah that everyone loved deeply. It struck them all hard and sudden, two weeks later, that they had just lost the ghost boy who had been so valuable to their entire journey.

Henry, finally speaking for the first time, broke the solemn silence, “I don’t know if I have a right to talk about this specific topic,” Henry started, which caused Ronan to nearly lash out with him with a snarky comment, but Adam squeezed his hand and he stopped. “So forgive me, but I don’t think we will ever really know what Noah did for you all. What is important, I think, is to know that whatever he did that made him vanish, he did it to protect everyone. I’ve heard the way that you all talked about him, and I don’t think that he would have left for any other reason besides to save you in one way or another.” Henry paused, a small smile, which once again made Ronan want to argue with him, “Who knows? Maybe Noah used his ghost magic to go back in time and bring you all together in the first place.”

For the fourth time, a silence fell over the room. Magic was not a new topic for anyone, from the dreamer and the magician, to the mirror and the king. They had all seen magic at work. There was a moment when everyone thought about Noah, and what he could have done. No one could completely turn down Henry’s thought that Noah brought them together. Sure, they couldn’t think of a specific event, but that didn’t mean it didn’t happen. For all of them, it felt like Noah had just been so engrained in their lives, always there, even if he wasn’t saying anything.

Without saying another word, Henry stood up from where he was still next to the miniature model of Henrietta, and walked into the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room. He pulled out five drinks from the fridge before walking back into the room. Everyone gave him a confused look as he handed them out to everyone, then, standing in the middle of the room with his drink raised high, he loudly proclaimed, “To Noah, I didn’t get to know you, but thank you for your sacrifice, whatever that may have been.”

There was only a beat of silence, before Gansey first raised his drink, which was quickly followed by everyone else, “To Noah.” They all said loudly, hoping that, wherever Noah was, whatever Noah may be now, he could know that they were all toasting him. They all hoped that he knew that they were all thinking about how grateful that they were for him. They all hoped that he knew just how much they all loved and missed their smudgy ghost friend.