#but its not an actual disease or anything life threatening its just unpleasant

[zanderbobs]

Having to face the fact that I might actually have to go to the doctors at some point and can't keep putting it off forever

[vajranam]

Power Of Virtue

Results of Doing the Ten Non-Virtues

1. Killing any living being. It includes abortion, suicide (ruining a body that could have reached nirvana in this life), and participating in the military (even being a cook, it is as if you shot the gun yourself).

Personal Result: Your life is short; and you get sick easily, have little energy.

Environmental Result: Food, drink, medicine, crops, have very little effect, are always inferior, are not nutritious, are hard to digest, and cause disease in you. Most beings around you die before reaching the end of a full life.

2. Stealing anything of value: includes shady business deals, cheating on rent, taxes, or bills, underpaying what is due to local government or society, etc.

Personal Result: You do not have enough to live on or to make ends meet; and what you do have is all just common property with others.

Environmental Result: The crops are few and far between, they have no power to remove hunger, they spoil or never come up; dry spells stay on too long; it rains too much; the crops dry up or die off.

3. Sexual Misconduct. It mainly means adultery — cheating on your partner, a person to whom you are exclusively committed. It also includes some specific secondary behaviors.

Personal Result: The people who work around you are “inconsistent” (unreliable); and you find yourself having a lot of competition for your partner.

Environmental Result: You live in a place where there is urine and feces all around, and mud, dirt, filth; everything stinks and everywhere seems unpleasant and distasteful.

4. Lying, giving someone else a wrong impression about what you have seen, believe, or know; unless it would save someone’s life or prevent real suffering. If you lie and get something, the benefit comes from past good deeds, not from the lie.

Personal Result: No one believes what you say; even when you are speaking the truth, others are always deceiving you.

Environmental Result: Your work in cooperation with others fails to prosper and people around you do not work well together; everyone generally is cheating one another and is afraid, and there are many things to be afraid of.

5. Divisive Talk, splitting people up with your talk; saying things to alienate or separate two different people, (regardless of whether or not your words are true); causing one person to like another person less; it is usually subtle, like in your tone of voice.

Personal Result: You lose friends easily; people around you are always fighting one another; and people around you have an undesirable character.

Environmental Result: The ground you live in is split up, uneven, covered with crags and gullies, highs and lows, so travel is difficult and you are always afraid and there are many things to be afraid of.

6. Harsh Talk, with bad intent and effect; it includes sarcastic “nice” words and swearing.

Personal Result: You hear many unpleasant things, you hear things as bad sounds; and when others talk to you it always seems to you as if they want to start a fight.

Environmental Result: The ground where you live is covered with obstacles like fallen tree trunks, thorns, stones, sharp broken glass; it is rough, dreary, no streams or water springs; the ground is parched and poisoned, burning hot and threatening; there are many things to fear.

7. Idle Talk, meaningless chatter, criticism, disputes, useless joking, whining, complaining, speaking out of the motive of attachment or craving; gossiping about politics, sports, etc., or about people engaged in wrong livelihood; reciting prayers while not thinking about their meaning. Gossiping about others’ values or spiritual practice. Dharma is sacred and should be discussed in holy private whispers on special nights, not casually — talk in hushed tones, very beautiful sacred speech, talk about inspiring things. As an aspiring bodhisattva, you may need to discuss mundane topics with others for their benefit, but keep the ultimate goal in mind, and do not be drawn into worldly conversations.

Personal Result: No one listens to you; no one respects what you say — no one thinks that what you say has any particular value; and you are afflicted with a lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Environmental Result:Fruits refuse to grow, or grow at the wrong times, seem ripe when they are not, have frail roots; there are no leisure places around like parks, or pools of cool water; many things around make you afraid.

8. Craving/Coveting, is similar to coveting in the Ten Commandments. Wanting others’ possessions and personal qualities like their intelligence, health, fame, youth, or spiritual achievements. It comes in five stages: you are attached to your own possessions, desire to accumulate more than you have, discover another’s possessions, like to make them your own, and the desire becomes unmanageable and you “lose shame” (then you act).

Personal Result: Your personality is dominated by desire; and you are never satisfied with what you have.

Environmental Result: Every good thing you manage to find starts to get worse, decrease as days, months, and seasons pass.

9. Ill-Will, is to wish bad things upon others; being pleased when others fail or have misfortune; competitiveness, like “Oh, how did they mess up? Tell me more…” not feeling as bad for an unfortunate person as you would feel for yourself if you were them.

Personal Result: Your personality is dominated by anger; you are always finding yourself without help, or never find the help you need; and you are always hurting others, or always being hurt by others.

Environmental Result: You live in a world of chaos, diseases spread, evil is everywhere, plague, conflict, fear of harm from the military, dangerous animals, you are surrounded by harmful spirits, thieves or muggers, etc.

10. Wrong View, “Incorrect world view” means not regarding karma as being the direct cause of every microsecond of experience we have. This leads to doing misdeeds #1–9.

Personal Result: Your personality is dominated by stupidity; you are a person who keeps harmful views; and you are a deceitful person.

Environmental Result: You live in a world where the single highest source of happiness is steadily disappearing from the earth; where people think that unclean and suffering things are actually nice and happy; where there is no place to go, no one to help you, nothing to protect you.

THE TEN VIRTUES

Any actions we do that cause both oneself and others to experience happiness as a result are known as virtuous actions. The classification of virtuous actions is:

Not taking the life of living beings

Not taking what is not freely given

Abstaining from sexual misconduct

Speaking truthfully

Not engaging in divisive speech

Speaking gentle words

Not gossiping

Not coveting the wealth of others

Giving up holding ill-will towards others

Right view

Contrary at what we think virtues wasn't here before the Buddha teaching, we can find on vedic and pte hindu text the notion of virtues very similar, now when we come to Buddha teaching Shakyamuni stress on those virtues because he realised that without that nothing happened.

Virtues is rightous act made in selfless action, without thinking “ gonna get good karma doing this “ , virtues are made in selfless mind to.

How do we do virtues by practicing the Dharma ? So we do virtues because first we renounce to samsara, second we want to practice for sake of all sentient beings and last we generate bodhichitta. Without those we won’t make any virtues, now virtues applications so yes we will mess up in today world full of extreme yes we will do non vitues to cancel them we need to confess fault and hiden fault by the body, speach and mind.

There's a zen proverb that say that the zen master made more mistakes than the students. So making mistakes well it’s normal our day will be more grey tham pure with or dark. What we mistaken to be like Garchen Rinpoche for example that years of work, Garchen Rinpoche himself said himself if we look to his karma he didn't had much virtues but he didn't give up on Dharma not even for a day.

That same attitude we need to have, yes we will face hardship someday we will make just non virtues and that ok because we will regret transform and carry on its part of learning Dharma to the deep.

It’s very easy to see if we got virtues and on what we use those virtues, in past I was worried about money because I was very poor, till I notice well I am not so poor because I met Karmapa, Shamarpa, took refuge very high vows with Garchen Rinpoche, recived empowerments that Milarepa himself had, wasn't poor was extremely ritch I just noticed that virtues was in Dharma there for I focus on those and left the rest. So we maybe poor, ritch or whatever but we can see on what way go our virtues for example in our life there's an area that very grow that where is our virtues, after that area maybe not Dharma mean we actually burning virtues and if we want to practice we need to develop bodhi mind .

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG174!

- I absolutely ADORED how the sound effects were telling a story by themselves, giving a graduating sense of dread, with variations and quieter moments. With the wind blowing and occasionally howling, getting stronger, almost covering Jon’s voice at some points, it really felt like the sounds were competing with the words to give The Vast’s statement? (And in my mind, it felt like the team of editors competing against Jonny! It was so nice!)

I also loved how the steps of the colossus were adding a bit of pressure and gravitas, both to the statement and to the conversation: the distant low-pitched impact right after Martin’s “Do it.”, asking Jon to smite Simon? It was an easy trick, but it worked SO WELL to highlight the “Oh SHIT” moment! It was more subtle at other points of the arguments, but still reinforcing the feeling, that ideas were violent by themselves while the words were hammered in.

- I reaaaaally liked the tone Jon used in the statement, too, because it was very soft and rhythmic? There wasn’t the edge of cruelty that we had heard in other statements + combined with the fact that the focus wasn’t much on victims-hurting-other-victims-because-forced-by-the-Fear-system this time around, the statement felt more existentialist and overall a bit of a breather, which, ha. Fitting for The Vast, I guess. (Still people suffering, still people in pain, but one of the less upsetting statements this season, for me?)

- A bit surprised that Simon didn’t go for a space-related domain, but this one also made sense given what he had told Martin in season 4:

(MAG151) SIMON: I’ve actually been toying with the idea of trying to do something with the scale of humanity itself; you know, emphasise all that “overpopulation” nonsense, but… honestly, it just… doesn’t ring true for me. We’re all just so tiny and pointless, you see; it’s hard to really get past it. […] Do you know when the last ritual I attempted was? MARTIN: I… I don’t know, that space station? SIMON: Oh goodness no, that’s the future my boy!

Was this domain Ex Altiora made a reality, or it’s “just” that The Vast tends to be a bit less creative – big thing, too big for the human mind to compute, threatening you?

(MAG046, Herbert Knox) “It told the tale of a small, unnamed town high on a clifftop that sees a monstrous creature about to approach. The poem is unclear on whether it is a beast, a demon or a god, as it uses the words interchangeably. It is seen far-off, its head and body lost amongst the clouds. The majority of the story details the villagers’ attempts to prepare to do battle against this creature, but each time they devise a counter-measure, the thing gets closer and is shown to be far larger than previously suspected, rendering their preparation insignificant. At last, when it is almost upon them, its impossible vastness undeniable, the villagers surrendered to despairs, and hurled themselves off the clifftops onto the rocks far below.”

Still laughing a lot that Simon called this one “Junior” (I mean, he was proud of naming his last ritual “The Awful Deep”…).

- It was interesting how both statements dealt with the same situation from different perspectives, and how each related to The Vast? Edward was part of the colossus, Mehreen was watching it approach and threaten to crush her.

Edward was part of the colossus that we could hear since the very beginning (the impact followed by gusts of whistling wind marking the colossus’s footsteps, which were putting a strain on the bodies, including Edward’s, intertwined all through it): he was part of a whole, lost in the whole, in pain and faced with two alternatives (staying there, suffering and submitted to movements he didn’t control, or falling). It was very odd because it felt almost comforting that the other hands brought him back in when he was expelled from the whole since, at that moment, he feared the fall the most (“He is falling, and he is so small, and so afraid he wonders if he will ever hit the ground. He does not want to die smeared over that flat and hateful wasteland far below, and he flails, limbs throwing themselves violently around, trying to catch a hold of something, anything to save himself.”) – it felt like others were… saving him? Helping him? Still leaving him the choice (“Despite his dread, it takes only a moment for him to make his decision: he reaches out with his other arm, and feels it gripped by a dozen hands as, slowly, inexorably, Edward allows himself to be pulled back into the great, suffering colossus.”)? Though in the grand scheme of things, he was still stuck in an unpleasant, excruciating painful situation, but… compared to previous statements, it was still partially on his terms, instead of something that was absolutely inflicted to him with no way out? Amongst the small things that made me go “!”, the “every body” (“Every muscle in every body tenses all at once”): going back to the original meaning of the phrase, with the fact that “everybody” is, at the core of the word, “every body”. I felt like it was working well with the concept of The Vast: the fact that individuals aggregated together form something larger.

For Mehreen’s part: part of the horror, in her case, was that The Vast played on her sense of her responsibility/duty, not only on what would personally happen to her and her only. She was the only one able to take care of her “family” while they had various reactions to it: the daughter (who is helpless), the husband (who is in denial over what’s happening – this one sure hits differently with the current pandemic), and the mother (who is… only “berating” over wrong decisions). But what interests me the most is how she was dealing with memories: we’ve seen in previous statements that people’s memories are a fuzzy thing, twisted and rewritten to further feed the fears. It was obvious with Mehreen’s family (the fear “gave” her people to have to care for, further isolating and crushing her towards the threat), but I find it very interesting that compared to previous domains, she felt… on the verge of awareness about it?

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: “Next to him, Charlie saw Ryan, who he’d known since childhood – though the other details were hazy. Ryan gave him a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile – before his face exploded inwards to a sniper’s bullet, peppering the boat with shards of bone and gore.”

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: “There was never a time before the disease, no matter what the old bastards tell you. It has always been in the village, always festered in the dark corners where nobody could stomach to check, where good neighbours wouldn’t dream to speculate.”

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: “Its pace remaining as it ever was, it does not care for coming pains as you are torn. Doesn’t it know who you are? No… And soon… neither will you. […] You will be someone again, someday. […] “I’m still Hannah!” you try to scream, but are you? No. Perhaps there’s some Veronica as fragments there, or Julian, or Anya, but… no. You feel the last of names and “who” you might have been be torn away and borne towards new bodies. New pages, blank; determined to be people.”

(MAG166) ARCHIVIST: “When had the crushing pressure in his chest become literal? When had the empty promise of the horizon finally vanished completely, replaced by the pitch darkness of this “forever wall of earth”? Sam did not know. Time had no meaning here. […] His existence was static, and eternal. Immutable. “Sleep” was only a memory, because even the prospect of unconsciousness might have made his present state slightly more bearable. Food as well, he knew, must be a thing, for he could feel the hunger, but his imagination failed to picture it. The only smell he knew was the damp, and the dirt.”

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: “How long as she lived here? How long have these cramped, dingy rooms in the back of this sprawling rundown tenement been the place her heart calls home? She cannot recall, but long enough for her to grow into love for it, to cherish every rusted appliance, every crumbling piece of plasterboard, every – flickering – lightbulb. […] Sabina cannot… picture their faces, but knows that should they wake to see the state of the place… their anger would be blistering. […] What floor was her flat on again? Surely, it can’t be this high. […] Limping and desperate, she turns to see her furniture in flames, the bookshelves full of memories, that she can’t quite place [STATIC RISES] but knows are precious to her, curl and float away as ash. The photos on the wall of her family whose faces seem indistinct but she knows that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass pops out of the frame.”

(MAG174) ARCHIVIST: “When it had first covered her home, bathing the street beyond her window in unexpected shade, she had thought it an eclipse. There wasn’t supposed to be one then, she is… sure of that – although if pressed, she could not have told you what day it is today. Before the shadow fell, she is sure that the sun was shining brightly – although, if pressed, she could not have pictured it. And the humid heat of a lingering summer had left the world sleepy, and unprepared – although, if pressed, she remembers the heat, but not the season. […] Mehreen cannot quite make out their faces as she bundles them into the car, old and shuddering as it coughs into life. Does she remember having a child? A spouse? Does she remember her mother having such a cruel sneer? It doesn’t matter. They are here now, and she has to save them.”

(+ Martin’s predicament in MAG170, when his memories were escaping him and he was mostly able to remember the painful parts only, or Francis’s “friends and families” being only brought in to deepen their pain. If Martin was any indication: it’s really upon remembering who he truly was and the bits of his life that weren’t unpleasant that he managed to free himself from the house’s influence, enough for Jon to find him and, it seems, give his protection again.)

It’s all very dream-logic: the rules are new, you just accept them as is, and you only go “… Wait” as an afterthought. What is interesting regarding Mehreen is that the interrogations felt like she was on the verge of waking up – or was that Jon, as a narrator, who was able to perceive that these bits of information were falsehoods created by the nightmare? Was that distancing just a special flavour in this domain, or something linked to the fact that they’re getting closer to the Panopticon / to The Eye’s domain?

- … Vast-typical, but I’m still !! that there are apparently domains without ground:

(MAG174) ARCHIVIST: I’m not entirely sure what you were expecting, it’s The Vast. The clue is in the name! MARTIN: Yes, alright…! ARCHIVIST: Just be glad that this is one of the domains that actually has ground to walk on.

Let them fly, Jonny!!

(… Though there are probably also Vast domains with only water. Deep, deep water.)

- NOT A SURPRISE but Everything About Simon This Episode Was Beautiful.

(MAG174) MARTIN: Fine! Fine. How about Simon. How close are we to him? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Hum… Close, [STATIC FADES] but he’s able to move a lot faster than we are in this place. MARTIN: Meaning…? ARCHIVIST: Meaning I know where he is, but… if he doesn’t want us to reach him, I don’t know if we’ll have much of a chance. MARTIN: … So… So what, we’re just going to trust him to… [CHUCKLING] show up to his own execut– [SIMON CRASHES ON THE GROUND] MARTIN: [SURPRISED SCREAM] ARCHIVIST: [TINY CHUCKLES] MARTIN: Jesus! ARCHIVIST: Uh… Apparently! [CLEARING AWAY RUBBLE] SIMON: [STRAINED] … Hello…! [BONES CRACKING] [GROAN] Hello. Dreadfully sorry. [SIGH] I only just noticed you were both here! That’s the problem with having such a big place, you know – [INHALE] you can miss things if you’re not careful.

* Simon was probably NYOOOOOM-ing in the sky until then. I’m only surprised that there wasn’t a direct “Enjoy Sky Blue” reference.

* The fact that Simon crash-landed. What an entrance.

* =D And the self-inflicted prophecy has been fulfilled: Jon met Simon Fairchild. (MAG124: “Fairchild seems to travel far and wide for his victims, with no motivation other than… variety. I do not think I ever wish to meet him.”) Though honestly, Jon took his meeting with the old man faaaar better than I would have thought – I was assuming that he would get on Jon’s nerves much more easily.

* Martin’s prophetic words AND Jon’s “Apparently!”: was it to answer Martin’s comment about Simon showing up, or Martin’s scream of “Jesus!”. (Peter called him a “grubby Jesus” behind his back, Jon is allowed to call other avatars the same!)

* Old man popping back bones and dusting off rubble. Simon, ilu.

* I’m still such a fan of Simon’s breathlessness and intonations! You can hear that he’s a Vast avatar from the way he talks and breathes!

* I am laughing so much:

(MAG174) SIMON: Good to see you again, Martin! And you must be the famous Archivist, Herald of the Ceaseless Watcher, Harbinger of the New Age, etcetera. Lovely to meet you at last. ARCHIVIST: [SHORT EXHALE] SIMON: Simon Fairchild, at your service.

Over that “etcetera”. SIMON…………………… (It was so dismissive while, at the same time, HE chose to give Jon honorifics and nobody had asked.)

Really love how he’s still so funny and amiable while being absolutely awful =D Someone is having a great time.

- That someone wasn’t Martin.

(MAG174) SIMON: And how are you, Martin? Still trying to save the world and all that? MARTIN: … Yes. SIMON: Pity. … Well. Armageddon… it’s not for everyone, I suppose. I’m quite enjoying it, of course. Although… Junior over there can be a little bit of a handful. [DISTANT LOW-PITCHED IMPACT, FOLLOWED BY GUSTS OF WIND] MARTIN: [AGGRAVATED INHALE] I might have guessed you’d be happy living in this nightmare. SIMON: I mean… not that it matters but… yes I am! Honestly, I think you could be too if you set your mind to it. But I’m not one to tell you how to live your eternity. MARTIN: … No. You’re not. Because I’m done listening to you! SIMON: I’m sorry? I’m not sure I follow. MARTIN: All those lies you told me… You helped to do this, you turned the world into your… your playground! SIMON: Hum… Not to be a pedant, but if you recall, I was actually doing a favour for Peter. And if Peter had won, none of this would have happened. Also, not to make excuses but they weren’t exactly lies, just… oversimplifications of complicated truths! And guesses. … A lot of guesses. [FOOTSTEPS] … A–almost all guesses really, now I come to think about it. MARTIN: Shut up! I don’t care.

… I would have loved to hear Simon and Elias interact, because “oversimplifications of complicated truths” as a new way to say “lie” is right up Elias’s alley (purposefully misleading, making guesses and presenting them with more certainty than you hold). It’s horrible that, technically, Peter was probably the most transparent avatar of the lot regarding his convictions? He was genuinely fearing The Extinction, he was genuinely hating Gertrude, he was genuinely trying to get Martin to join The Lonely for his own interests.

- Ooooh, how the tables have turned…

(MAG166) HELEN: Oh, hello! [FOOTSTEPS] In a better mood, are we? Feeling more secure now you’ve learned how to kill~? ARCHIVIST: [SHARP INHALE] Something like that. MARTIN: Will you tell me how he did it? ARCHIVIST: Martin… MARTIN: He just keeps going all vague about it! HELEN: Oh, goodness. You see what you’ve done to the poor boy, Jon? He’s coming to me for clear answers. [HELEN LAUGHS AND LAUGHS] ARCHIVIST: Shut up! HELEN: It’s very satisfying though, isn’t it? Teasing out vague information; you see why Elias got a kick out of it. ARCHIVIST: Shut up! MARTIN: Jon…! HELEN: You’re right, Martin. He is tetchy…! MARTIN: I didn’t say he was te– HELEN: So! So! An explanation.

(MAG174) SIMON: Goodness! We’re rather tetchy, aren’t we? ARCHIVIST: We’ve… [CHUCKLING] not been having an easy journey. MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: What – it’s true, we haven’t.

Jon&Simon vs. Martin, just like Helen&Martin vs. Jon (down to the “tetchy��).

- I’ll be laughing forever over Simon fleeing the heck out of the situation and saving his own life in the process:

(MAG174) MARTIN: That’s enough. Jon? ARCHIVIST: Uh… Yes? MARTIN: … Do it. [DISTANT LOW-PITCHED IMPACT, FOLLOWED BY GUSTS OF WIND] ARCHIVIST: Uh… SIMON: “Do” what? MARTIN: … Kill him. ARCHIVIST: Uh… SIMON: Han–hang on. Can he do that? MARTIN: He can, and he’s going to! [FOOTSTEPS] SIMON: Oh! ARCHIVIST: [STAMMERING] Oh, uh… SIMON: Right, just, hum… Seems a bit rude, to be honest! MARTIN: … Jon? ARCHIVIST: J–just give me a moment, I– SIMON: In fact, yes! You know what? I’ll, I’ll probably just be going, then! I–I–I’d prefer to keep existing, if it’s all the same to you, hum…! MARTIN: J–Jon?! ARCHIVIST: I– SIMON: Been lovely chatting to you! Good to see you guys! MARTIN: [STAMMERING] SIMON: Feel free to pop by again when you’re feeling less, uh. Murdery. MARTIN: Jon!! SIMON: Byeeeee! [SIMON DEPARTING / YEETING HIMSELF OUT] [WIND GENTLY HOWLING] [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] [FOOSTEP] MARTIN: You let him go. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah…

SIMON. Some have mentioned that Simon was a cartoon character and, yeah. Absolutely. The sudden stammering and amiability while he was behaving like a coward? The fact he really didn’t want to die despite his Grand Talks about the meaningless of one’s existence in The Vastness Of The Universe?

(MAG151) SIMON: It’s all a matter of perspective, you see. My patron has gifted me with… quite frankly, an absurdly long life. An appropriate gift, and one that serves to provide a certain distance from things. Of course, a paltry few centuries is nothing, really, but it’s more than most get. And even in that brief time, I’ve seen all sorts of ebbs and flows to balance off things. […] MARTIN: Assuming The Extinction doesn’t derail everything…! SIMON: Which is why… I’m happy helping Peter. But! If it does: then I’ll either be dead, which will be fine, or… I’ll adjust. […] Life has continued through dozens of apocalypses already. Ice ages; pandemics; calamities; extinctions… The only reason this one feels special is because, well… it’s happening to you. And that’s the sort of solipsism that tends to come with loneliness – in my experience. So. My feeling is that I’ll help out where I can; but ultimately, if this “Armageddon” comes off, then… so be it. Either billions suffer and life goes on; or billions suffer and life doesn’t. In the grand scheme of things, it’s all… much of a muchness.

Slightly hypocritical, uh? When it comes to himself, he’s ~insignificant~ but still ready to cling to his own life as long as he can enjoy things.

- Jon explained his reasons for stopping the Smiting Avatars quest, and they’re very sound arguments… but it’s still interesting that it confirms that the only avatars he killed (Not!Sasha, Jude, Jared) were the ones who marked him, while Jon was more lenient towards the ones who hadn’t (Arthur Nolan, Oliver, Simon, Helen if we assume that Michael marked Jon first, and that Michael!Distortion and Helen!Distortion are different enough). Helen has not been super threatening this season, but she has tried to upset him on purpose, making fun of him, and yet, Jon didn’t really raise the possibility of eradicating her (he only mentioned that it would hurt them both, but mostly Helen, if he were to use her corridors). I’m reassured that he’s not trying to mindlessly kill avatars but it’s still curious…

(And I still wonder how Jon would react in front of Daisy and Melanie, who marked him for the Hunt and Slaughter…)

- I’m still very curious about Helen trying to push so much for murder?

(MAG174) HELEN: I just wanted to add my vote to the disappointed side. MARTIN: Wait, really? HELEN: I was rather looking forward to watching an old man metaphysically explode. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] HELEN: Honestly, I feel a little bit cheated. The others were exceptional fun. ARCHIVIST: … Y–you were watching? HELEN: [CHUCKLING] Of course! As much fun as the new world is, I am not about to miss a real, honest-to-godless demigod murder spree! [LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, ECHOING] MARTIN: [SIGH] You’re really not helping. HELEN: I’m not trying to! ARCHIVIST: Look, it’s none of your business. Either of you. [DISTANT LOW-PITCHED IMPACT, FOLLOWED BY GUSTS OF WIND] MARTIN: Like hell it isn’t! ARCHIVIST: Martin. MARTIN: Don’t “Martin” me! Sure, he looks like a harmless old man, but if– ARCHIVIST: I know, Martin – I know all the things he’s done. HELEN: Fantastic…! So, rip him up! Pop him! Oh, oh, but, hum, just give me a bit of a head-start so I can find a good spot.

* Helen, absolutely proud that she’s “not helping”.

* … Helen, you REALLY sound like you have a death wish.

* Helen had already watched Not!Sasha’s smiting in MAG165 (since she commented about it in the following episode), and now acknowledged that she watched the others. It’s the third time she’s appeared in front of Jon&Martin. For someone who claimed to be enjoying the new world and be exceptionally busy… Helen has been spending a LOT of time looking at Jon&Martin’s journey. Why…? Is it because their conflicted feelings are feeding her? Is it because she’s monitoring them? Is she hiding someone (Annabelle, or Georgie&Melanie) inside of her corridors…? She had contributed to Jon getting his last mark (it’s still a bit unclear to me, but Peter&Martin were discussing about “the door” at the beginning of MAG158: she might have given Peter the tunnels’ map), but we still don’t know much about her intentions apart from “enjoying the chaos” (which… would be enough considering The Distortion). Why is she so encouraging of Jon’s murder spree, in a way that is so transparent…? Is it a remnant of the original Helen Richardson, trying to feel better about her own choices by having Jon succumb to the temptation of monsterhood like she has…?

* It’s… interesting that Jon couldn’t apparently tell that she had been “watching” when he smote the other avatars. I’d have thought he would be able to tell but, apparently, if he’s not focusing, he can’t know that she’s there.

- When it comes to the episode feeling like a “breather”: technically, it wasn’t hard after last week! But it was significantly less tense, and there was progress regarding Jon’s own boundaries and what he wants to do with his powers, and… cute bantering. Jon being a chirpy little SHIT from the start of the discussion segment:

(MAG174) MARTIN: [SIGH] … [BAG JOSTLING] Is it much further? ARCHIVIST: [SMALL CHUCKLE] Yes. MARTIN: Urgh…! ARCHIVIST: I’m not entirely sure what you were expecting, it’s The Vast. The clue is in the name! MARTIN: Yes, alright…! ARCHIVIST: Just be glad that this is one of the domains that actually has ground to walk on. MARTIN: Whatever. [DISTANT LOW-PITCHED IMPACT, FOLLOWED BY GUSTS OF WIND] S–so how far are we from the other side? And–and don’t say time and space don’t work here, that’s a cop-out and you know it. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Fine! Three days. MARTIN: Thank you. [SILENCE] … Wait. Wait, what counts as a day? ARCHIVIST: [CHUCKLING] What an excellent question! MARTIN: Oh my go–! You can be infuriating sometimes, you know that? ARCHIVIST: [ANGELIC] … Yes!

… No static =D While on two other occasions, Jon used his powers to “know” about things:

(MAG174) MARTIN: Fine! Fine. How about Simon. How close are we to him? [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: Hum… Close, [STATIC FADES] but he’s able to move a lot faster than we are in this place. […] MARTIN: … You’re removing evil from the world! ARCHIVIST: I, I’m not, though, am I? [STATIC RISES] The tenement fire is still burning; the mortal garden is growing wild; the carousel i– HELEN: Ugh! [STATIC FADES]

So Jon didn’t even try on that first one. I mean, Martin brought it onto himself – how could Jon describe distances without Objective Time And Space except by “far” and “close” (like in MAG167, where Jon confirmed that they could rest a bit since the next domain was still far from them)? Martin is the little kid on the car backseat, uh.

… But also: Martin closed the last episode saying that the kids from The Dark’s domain would “just need to hang on a little longer”, and that the faster they would reach the Panopticon, the faster they could put a stop to this. No wonder he was impatient to reach the end of this one, since he knows now what the kids’ nightmare looked like.

(I’m still REELING over Jon’s “Yes! :)” over knowing that he’s infuriating sometimes. He knows and he’s proud of it and knows that Martin is dating this infuriating prick =D)

- … So, once again: avatars know about Jon’s status and that the apocalypse happened through him.

(MAG164) HELEN: What would I have to gloat about? Much as I am delighted by this brave new world in which we find ourselves, I can take no credit for it. This was all… you!

(MAG165) NOT!SASHA: Well, of course you want to wallow in my shame like your voyeur master!

(MAG166) HELEN: We’re all here, Martin. The Stranger; The Buried; The Desolation; all of us. But The Eye still rules. All this fear is being performed for its benefit. And so, there are now exactly two roles available in this new world of ours: the watcher, and the watched. Subject, and object. Those who are feared, and those who are afraid. And Jon, well… he is part of The Eye; a very important part.

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: “This report is being sent to: The Great Eye, that watches all who linger in terror, and gorges itself on the sufferings of those under its unrelenting, stuporous gaze! And its Archive, which draws knowledge of this suffering unto itself. […] Perhaps once it might have horrified me, or given me some sense of pursuing the ultimate release of the world that you have damned.”

(MAG169) JUDE: Fancy seeing you both here. To what, exactly, do I owe the pleasure, the honour, of being graced by the great and powerful Archivist, harbinger of this new world, and his, uh… valet…? […] Just messing around~! Wouldn’t want to keep you from your oh-so-special business, Your Holiness.

(MAG171) JARED: Mm. … So, is there any way this doesn’t end in me dead? I’m guessing that’s on the docket if you’re here. Unless you’re just here to smell the flowers.

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: “THE SPIDER: Oh, Francis… It’s such a shame, but I couldn’t do such a thing even if I wanted to! The man in the audience saw to that!”

(MAG173) CALLUM: … You’re the Eye guy, right? ARCHIVIST: That’s right. CALLUM: So you’re like… real important. ARCHIVIST: [HUFF] I suppose I am!

(MAG174) SIMON: Good to see you again, Martin! And you must be the famous Archivist, Herald of the Ceaseless Watcher, Harbinger of the New Age, etcetera. Lovely to meet you at last. ARCHIVIST: [SHORT EXHALE] SIMON: Simon Fairchild, at your service. [FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: I know who you are. SIMON: [CHUCKLES] Of course you do! I imagine you know pretty much everything by this point. How is it? How does it feel? [SHUFFLING] ARCHIVIST: … Strange. SIMON: Yes! I can imagine. These gifts can feel very disconcerting at times. I’m sure you’ll get used to it eventually. […] We don’t get many visitors these days, and, well. You might be the closest thing the universe has ever had to an important person! ARCHIVIST: Uh… I, hum… SIMON: I mean, obviously you’re still ultimately finite and all that, but [INHALE] altering the very fabric of reality, that’s… [WHISTLE] That’s pretty good going, all things considered. […] HELEN: [CHUCKLING] Of course! As much fun as the new world is, I am not about to miss a real, honest-to-godless demigod murder spree! [LAUGHS AND LAUGHS, ECHOING] […] I honestly thought that actually ending the world would be enough to stop you whining, but no! You’re the most powerful person, in a world where the worst consequences imaginable have already happened! Absolute power, with zero responsibility! What more can you possibly need to just – enjoy – yourself – a tiny – bit!

So, nothing new, but still eternally laughing that Jon was apparently marked as harbinger-of-the-apocalypse and that nobody cares about Jonah.

- I’m squinting at what Simon said regarding Jon’s powers:

(MAG174) SIMON: Well, in that case, thank you for swinging by to my… huge corner of the apocalypse. We don’t get many visitors these days, and, well. You might be the closest thing the universe has ever had to an important person! ARCHIVIST: Uh… I, hum… SIMON: I mean, obviously you’re still ultimately finite and all that, but [INHALE] altering the very fabric of reality, that’s… [WHISTLE] That’s pretty good going, all things considered.

Because it reminds me of the wording used for Hill Top Road?

(MAG139, Eugene Vanderstock) “But it seems the fight scarred the place in a way far deeper than simple fire. A scar in reality, that I believe has since been compounded by the interferences of other powers.”

(MAG146) HELEN: There is… something wrong, with Hill Top Road. You know it as well as I do. Some strange “scar in reality” at the centre of… whatever it is the Spider is spinning.

(And it’s still interesting regarding Jon’s status: if he is the one who “altered the very fabric of reality”, can he alter it back? Can he alter it in another way again? It still feels like if someone can do anything about the new configuration, it will be him…)

- I’m suuuuuuuuuuuuper glad at Martin’s rant and anger towards Simon, because it’s… coming close to talking about his own feelings regarding the apocalypse – the fact that he was misled all through season 4 to believe that The Extinction was the most urgent threat, and the fact that he was used by Jonah to give Jon his last mark with The Lonely, and the fact that… Martin chose to not kill Jonah Magnus’s body, unaware that it was still playing the game (and making Elias win). Martin hadn’t mentioned his own guilt so far, the fact that he was used by Jonah (and by Peter, and that Simon played with him a bit) and that he could have technically prevented everything if he had just stabbed Jonah in the Panopticon. I wonder if he will talk about that at some point?

It’s also interesting that this episode ended with the awkwardness of Jon inviting Martin to “lead on” before remembering that he’s the one knowing about the direction and correcting himself (“Follow me, then”) while Martin had expressed some anguish over the fact that he was “following, al–always following, never leading; never leading” in MAG170: it feels like there could be some feeling brewing over his own uselessness and powerlessness right now? Or like someone (Annabelle, Helen, Jonah) could definitely try to use it against him – Annabelle already did (“Does he even need you at all?”), which Jon kind of appeased the following episode (“Yes, Martin, you are my reason.”), but it could still come into play.

- Overall I’m not surprised that Martin absolutely wanted Simon dead in these circumstances – and it might be why he embraced the smiting spree so easily, because it could allow him (through Jon) to hurt back the avatars and monsters who had toyed with people? Peter is already dead, and Jonah is still far away. I reaaaally didn’t like the smiting spree, but I can understand how Martin had wanted to embrace it as a short-term solution; that’s the closest thing he could have to get some power back. (Simon admitted that The Extinction and what he had told Martin had mostly been “guesses”, but I also still wonder if it’s not going to be relevant, though not exactly as defined by Adelard… Simon had told Martin, in MAG151, that cataclysms and end-of-the-worlds had technically always been a thing depending of the point of view – it doesn’t mean that everything was bollocks.)

- Once again, what is Martin’s status in the new world? Because Simon’s comment definitely sounded like he was seeing Martin as one-of-the-avatars:

(MAG174) MARTIN: [AGGRAVATED INHALE] I might have guessed you’d be happy living in this nightmare. SIMON: I mean… not that it matters but… yes I am! Honestly, I think you could be too if you set your mind to it. But I’m not one to tell you how to live your eternity.

We haven’t seen Martin use Lonely powers apart from the end of MAG149, and his status was ambiguous in the Lonely house from MAG170, but mmmm…

- I’m laughing so much over Martin still being petty over Jon sparing Simon, because it sounded ONCE AGAIN like jealousy and it makes Martin out to be so over-the-top:

(MAG174) MARTIN: Why did you let him go– ARCHIVIST: Uh… MARTIN: –Jon? ARCHIVIST: I don’t… know, I just–! [SIGH] I didn’t want to kill him. MARTIN: Why not? Because he was nice to you? [FOOTSTEP] Because he was charming, because he was fun? ARCHIVIST: No, I–I–I, I just…

Martin is a bitch and I LOVE HIM. (Also, that sounds like Martin himself found Simon charming&fun.)

I’m able to appreciate his over-the-topness because he also gave genuine reasons, was aware that it was a bit humiliating:

(MAG174) MARTIN: … Good point! [SMALL CHUCKLES] I’ll keep my apology, then. [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] [BAG JOSTLING] [SMALL CHUCKLES] … I do kind of wish you’d waited until after Fairchild to have your crisis, though. ARCHIVIST: You really want that old man dead…! MARTIN: I mean, su–, yeah, sure, when you say it like that it sounds bad! ARCHIVIST: But what did he do to you? MARTIN: … He threatened to throw me off a rollercoaster. ARCHIVIST: Ah! MARTIN: … Okay, I, I know it sounds like a joke, but– ARCHIVIST: No, obviously, he’s an avatar of The Vast, I understand, it’s a scary threat coming from him. MARTIN: Yeah! ARCHIVIST: It just… doesn’t sound like a scary threat. MARTIN: Thanks for that.

Martin sounds INCREDIBLY PETTY, once again, but it’s also very valid: back in MAG151, I appreciated how his “How do you feel about… rollercoasters?” / “Uh… neutral” answer had protected him from both of the usual outcomes (getting recruited as a Vast avatar or fed to it as a victim), but it’s true that it was still a threat, thrown casually by a powerful avatar who was flexing that he could just kill him if he wanted to. It doesn’t feel good to be spared just because your potential tormentor decided that you were “no fun”.

It was cute of Jon to very awkwardly try to break it down, and kind of make it worse in the process – because yes, it sounded like a ridiculous threat said like this… but also, Simon would have done it, and it was a genuine threat.

- I’m absolutely delighted that Jon explained his feelings regarding the smiting – a mix of firmness and getting his points across, and that Martin apologised for pushing him in that direction ;w;

(MAG174) ARCHIVIST: I–I just–! … This whole… “avenging angel” thing, I–I’m not… It doesn’t feel right. MARTIN: … It seemed to feel right when we were avenging all the wrongs done against you! ARCHIVIST: I know. I–I–I know, alright? But, well, th–… [SIGH] That’s kind of the problem, I have all this… power and, and I, I want to use it to try and help, but I… I don’t know, I mean, I do. Uh… I’ve done so much damage, an–and anything that might help to balance that is–! [SOFT SIGH] … But killing other avatars, it, it’s not… I, I don’t think it makes anything better. I think it just makes me worse. MARTIN: … You’re removing evil from the world! ARCHIVIST: I, I’m not, though, am I? [STATIC RISES] The tenement fire is still burning; the mortal garden is growing wild; the carousel i– […] [SIGH] I, I, I… [SIGH] I’m sorry, Martin. After meeting the child, I thought… I’ve been… I really hoped things would be simpler, you know? A nice, straightforward apocalypse. MARTIN: [INHALE] No… [SIGH] No, I’m sorry. Cheerleading you when you’re on a magical murder spree probably… wasn’t a great idea. ARCHIVIST: I started it. MARTIN: … Good point! [SMALL CHUCKLES] I’ll keep my apology, then.

Sentence of the episode for me: “But killing other avatars, it, it’s not… I, I don’t think it makes anything better. I think it just makes me worse.”

I’m glad that Martin was able to keep (some of) his pettiness in check enough to hear him out, though, and that he apologised (I really didn’t hear the “I’ll keep my apology, then” as something serious, but as cute banter between a couple who are back on the same wavelength: Martin had already admitted that he behaved poorly – it’s not something he can exactly take back); and on the other hand, that Jon also explained how it didn’t work. It’s like Martin isolating himself during the statement: they’ve made a mistake, they’re ready to acknowledge it, and they decide to not make it again. (Though, where was Martin during the statement portion this episode? At least in MAG171 and (partially) MAG172, he had stayed close to Jon.)

Right now, the problem with Jon’s powers really isn’t whether he can but whether he should – and the fact that he feels like it might be negatively impacting him is a valid argument (+ the ethical concern, not mentioned, of being judge/jury/executioner all by himself). The season began with The Eye wanting Jon to leave the cabin, wanting for the cabin to be his “chrysalis”, and… that cannot be good.

- I still lovelovelove how, since the reveal in MAG158 that “Elias Bouchard” was actually Jonah Magnus, Jon&Martin… are still mostly sticking to “Elias”.

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: Uh– yes. And I’d wager that Elias’s body, uh… BASIRA: Gotta be Jonah Magnus, right? ARCHIVIST: I’d say so. BASIRA: [SIGH] And he’s been body-hopping like whatever was in Rayner. […] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it.

(MAG160) MARTIN: Are we… … Are we safe here? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Safe as anywhere else. If Elias wanted to find us, I imagine he could, but… I doubt the police will be able to. […] Does she know if they’ve found the old prison yet? The… Panopticon, Elia– … Magnus’s body.

(MAG161) MARTIN: [SIGH] Gloating, Jon. [CREAKING SOUND] Elias won, and there were some tapes he’d kept for himself, and he wanted to gloat. So, he sent them! ARCHIVIST: He’s not… MARTIN: I–I don’t see– ARCHIVIST: … “Elias”. MARTIN: Jonah, then. I don’t know, I find it hard to think of him as… I don’t really like to think of him!

(MAG162) ARCHIVIST: No, no, lo–look… I, I–I was listening, and I–I was filled with this… hatred. This anger; I–I wanted to leave, and hunt down Elias, a–and…! MARTIN: W–wow, okay… […] Do you think it’ll do anything? Confronting Elias? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] I… [SIGH] Maybe? MARTIN: No, I’m serious. Do we… [PAUSE IN THE PACKING SOUNDS] Is there a chance that we can undo this?

(MAG164) MARTIN: What about Elias? [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: He’s inside the Panopticon; the tower, far above the world. MARTIN: That one? ARCHIVIST: Yes. [PAUSE] MARTIN: How is he? ARCHIVIST: Hard to say. The, the way this works, this… “new sight”, the knowledge is, is… [SIGH] It’s somehow wrapped up in the Panopticon? An eye can’t… see inside itself. MARTIN: Mm. ARCHIVIST: But I can feel him in there. MARTIN: Hm. That sounds… gross. ARCHIVIST: It is! [CHUCKLES]

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: Help us with what? MARTIN: ‘xcuse me? ARCHIVIST: Annabelle, help us with “what”? Our–our, our journey, killing Elias, vanishing the Entities – what?

(MAG174) MARTIN: Thanks for that. … Hang on, you’re still down to kill Elias, right? Uh, oh, Jonah, whatever. ARCHIVIST: I’m still going to confront him. [INHALE] I don’t know if killing him is something I’m even… capable of, but if I can and I have to, I will. MARTIN: Yeeah? ARCHIVIST: Don’t worry. I won’t hesitate.

Because: same. He still doesn’t really register as “Jonah Magnus” to me.

I’m also laughing a lot at Martin, who began the season with “I don’t really like to think of Elias :/” and, since then, has most often been the one to breach the subject of Elias (+ we can add MAG170: “I mean, the interview was weird, I… I don’t really remember the man who talked to me. Just his eyes. They stared at me; th–through me, and… and, I–I knew that he knew what I’d done. God, I…! I was so scared, but… but then he smiled and shook my hand…! What was his name? [CREAKING] He said I “had the job”…! [CHUCKLE] That he “looked forward to working with me”! … I was still so scared I could barely move my arm…! I was so terrified I’d let him down…!” – even when he was losing his memories, still remembering Elias’s eyes, and THIS is how MartinElias can still w–)

I really wonder if they’ll even try to call him “Jonah” when face-to-face with him, or… will still stick to “Elias” out of habit.

- … Well. That is, if Elias still has a face. We know that some part of him still remains in the Panopticon-Institute (MAG164: “He’s inside the Panopticon; the tower, far above the world.”), that Jon can still “feel” him there, but the fact that Jon can’t know more about it (because “an eye can’t see inside itself”) combined with the fact that Jon’s anger towards him was a key point in making them leave the cabin and the confrontation with Elias is still their current goal… keeps making me think that Elias might not be in the same state as he was in MAG158. Stuck in layers and layers of spiderwebs? Merged with the Panopstitute (since his powers relied on Magnus’s body staying in the middle of it)? Stuck inside of his old body? What is the part of Jonah Magnus can feel inside the Panopstitute: is it Jonah Magnus’s body or his consciousness? Is it still both?

- Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Jon.

(MAG174) MARTIN: Hang on, you’re still down to kill Elias, right? Uh, oh, Jonah, whatever. ARCHIVIST: I’m still going to confront him. [INHALE] I don’t know if killing him is something I’m even… capable of, but if I can and I have to, I will. MARTIN: Yeeah? ARCHIVIST: Don’t worry. I won’t hesitate. MARTIN: … Right. [DISTANT LOW-PITCHED IMPACT, FOLLOWED BY GUSTS OF WIND] [INHALE] Right, alright then. Good. … Let’s go, then. We don’t want to keep him waiting!

“I won’t hesitate,” he hesitated, hesitatingly.

Well. Not exactly: Jon’s tone was casually firm, but also felt a bit distracted and, most importantly… why the need to add so many conditions, Jon.

* “if I can”: true that, unlike other avatars until then, Elias is tied to Beholding. Can Beholding’s powers be used against another Beholding avatar? Elias resisted the compulsion in MAG092 (… or so he said, before spilling everything ~on his own terms uwu~ – he, at least, was able to delay the effects), so Jon’s cautiousness is understandable.

* “if I have to”: that one is a bit more unexpected, because that’s… a big condition. In what circumstances would Jon “have to” kill Elias? It’s good, though, because it implies that it’s not about plain revenge anymore, but whether it could help the situation.

Anyway: the shift to “confront Elias” is a good one! … And gives me the feeling that Elias either won’t be in a state to be confronted, either will have further contributions to make.

(- Martin’s “We don’t want to keep him waiting!” also brings to mind that Elias is probably aware that they’re coming, right now. He’s in the middle of the seeing-it-all tower: unless he’s already incapacitated, they won’t be taking him by surprise, and he might be prepared to welcome them.)

- … Welp, I was feeling like we were hitting rock bottom last week, hope-wise, but this episode felt… like a breather (ha)? Not exactly hopeful per se, but definitely lighter (Martin firm about wanting to save the world, Jon finally wording what was bothering him with the smiting, Martin apologising, Jon and Martin reaching an understanding, not playing Helen’s game and thinking about the Elias case). So, #BackToWorryingOverDaisy – Jon didn’t want to kill Simon, doesn’t want to kill avatars just for the sake of it, but there is still Daisy running wild…

(And I would still feel a bit (lot) miffed if Jon were to kill her, given that she’s part of Basira’s story, that Basira promised her and that Basira arguably got the worst of it when it came to being manipulated without achieving/“winning” anything in season 4? I think it’s more likely that Jon could have the power to incapacitate her and give the time for Basira to fulfil her promise, if there is no other way, but I don’t know, I keep hoping that there could be another way with the fact that Jon can change the rules (turning the feared into the afraid, changing the “fabric of reality”) and that Daisy had a connection to The Eye (she signed a contract in season 4)…)

   MAG175’s title is mysterioooous. If MAG174 hadn’t happened, I would have said “Vast” but… Mm. Only Spiral and Hunt left when it comes to domains, so I would wager Spiral, more specifically with digital fuckedupness, reminiscent of MAG065? (But I could also see how it could tie with Hunt if thinking about beginnings, and it could go very well with Extinction too… if this one ends up relevant again). In itself, the title feels perfect for lore about the new reality (tying in with a few meta considerations and comments which have been made by various avatars), so mmmmm: could also be a switch in perspective with Annabelle or Elias, I guess…

[sharada-n]

I got this request over a year ago I think, which is a testiment to how slow I am with these sometimes. Still, I had a lot of fun writing for a fandom I haven’t tried before, and this request was just too cool to pass up - even if i did butcher it and turn it into more angst than hijinx.

Not sure if you still follow me, Anon, or if you’ll ever see this. But thank you so much for the request!

(Read on AO3)

The Pale King was a busy bug.

Hallownest as a society functioned much like a machine with many intricate parts, each cog turning just as it should individually while still dependent on each other, but keeping them all running properly was not an effortless endeavor. No matter what the denizens of his city might think.

Maybe it was his own fault. He had rather enjoyed playing the part of the detached ruler, taking pride in projecting an image of ease with which he operated, some might have called it superiority, keeping to it in dignity even when the first signs of sickness started to plague his people. Panic posed a danger as much as any actual disease could and he refused to let it spread, determining what needed to be done with level-headed purpose.

Rarely did he stray outside of the palace and if that had granted him the image of a god among his people then so be it. It was something he would neither deny nor discourage. But the truth of the matter remained that there were indeed things that took exertion and ruling Hallownest was one of them. Between tending to the many facets of the kingdom there was precious little time for anything besides duty and if the citizens of Hallownest at large would never realize that, he didn't mind. He had only hoped that those few creatures with the honor to belong to his inner circle and witness his efforts would know better.

Apparently that had been too much to hope for.

"Do tell why you presume to bother me with such inane questions?" he asked, his back turned upon the one stubbornly blocking his doorway. Maybe if he ignored her long enough, Herrah would realize he was preoccupied and did not have the time for frivolous affairs today – or any day for that matter.

"Oh, my dear Wyrm," she drawled back, the words spoken with such fake affection he was more than certain she was just trying to vex him, "however did you come to the misunderstanding that this was a mere question? I was making a demand."

"I do recall you're quite good at those," he murmured, unsure if she had heard but finding he cared little either way. To be curt, it was her own ultimatum that had gotten them into this situation to begin with, so it was only fair she would bear the burden. He turned around and added louder: "You know your time with her is dwindling. Why would you want to squander the feeble amount you have left?"

Herrah waited a moment, the reminder of the concomitant of their deal probably unpleasant for her. She made a sound, low and prolonged. "As hard as it will be for you to imagine, I am a queen in my own right. Sometimes that means I have pressing responsibilities to uphold for my people."

"Why do you not just command one of them to look after the child, then?"

"Because..." And he could tell she took great pleasure in her next words, "the child is yours as well. Last I recall you were there when she was created." As if to emphasize this she pushed the thing towards him. It was small, with a cloak that got close to brushing the ground and which had the typical burgundy coloring that the Pale King had come to associate with Herrah's retainers.

The child looked at him, its expression somehow curious despite the likeness to his own children, who had deceivingly unreadable features by design. It titled its head sideways, falling back to remain closer at its mother's side. Seemingly it was as pleased about this new acquaintance as The Pale King himself was.

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Her name is Hornet," Herrah answered, "and honestly it doesn't matter much as long as you keep her save and alive for the foreseeable future." She turned to leave, the child hesitating for a moment, as if to follow, but eventually being persuaded by practiced obedience to stay where she was.

She stood in the room silently, gaze fixed upon the Pale King as he resumed his work. He ignored her for the time being, bending over the ancient-looking tomes once more. There was a lot of lore on higher beings, most of it unfamiliar even to himself – as ironic as that was – and he had spent too much time already consulting them on anything that might pertain to the infection threatening his people, clearly divine in origin.

After a few moments, his thoughts were disturbed again, this time by the child, who had crept closer to the desk during his distraction. She leaned forward slightly, maybe trying to read the crumbly papers but there was a fundamental lack of understanding on her face. The Pale King closed the book, brushing away the small cloud of dust it blew up.

"Very well," he said, gesturing towards the door, "you are old enough to entertain yourself, I presume?"

"I'm nearly grown," she answered, taking him off guard. His own children did not speak – also by design – but it made sense for this one to not have such restrictions.

"Follow."

They walked along the winding passageways of the White Palace, barely acknowledging the few bugs they met on their way. Hornet stopped occasionally at the large windows, the view certainly very different from how Deepnest looked. The Pale King did not know if Herrah didn't take their child outside often or if she just had a latent curiosity for the world. Regardless, he supposed it would aid her in her future as queen and indulged it for now.

Eventually they came upon the room he was meaning to, opening the heavy door with some difficulty. The vessel stood at attention on their arrival, dark cloak wrapped around themselves securely, though just slightly shorter than Hornet's own. When the king entered, they bowed curtly. It proceeded to stay perfectly motionless and wait for further instructions, though their head inclined slightly towards the stranger now in their room.

"Hornet, this is your-" the Pale King considered his own words. Treading into unfamiliar territory was not his forte. "Your sibling, supposedly." That didn't sound too far of from the truth. "I do believe you two will be able to keep each other company in here."

Hornet looked up at him. "Where are you going?"

Suppressing an annoyed huff – not very becoming of a king, now was it? – he turned towards the door. "Back to more important matters, such as running a kingdom."

He was barely a few feet further or Hornet's hand seizing his cloak stopped him, though he pulled it out of her grasp quickly. "I don't want to stay in here," she said. How she had so quickly transformed from the silent child Herrah dropped at his chambers into this demanding little thing was beyond him.

"Well, what do you want then?"

Though the question was not meant to be answered seriously, Hornet seemed to consider it for a few moments, gaze flitting around the room. He had to admit it looked a bit modest, with far simpler decoration than the rest of the castle and not much in that way of furniture. The crib his queen has placed in the center of the room long replaced by a simple cot with no sheets. The vessel did not sleep – by design, once again.

The theory of its conception had left no need for toys and besides the training it underwent, both intellectual and in combat, supervised by the Pale King himself and his most favorable and skilled courtiers, it did not leave its room. There was no need to. All it was meant to know was the reason for its birth – the purpose it was created with and the duty it had to fulfill – and the skills necessary to accomplish that goal. It would not care for these formalities either way.

But Hornet was different, with a strong will of her own most likely inherited from that infernal mother of hers, and would not be placated by mere afterthoughts. She apparently had mused on his question long enough, for her small hands balled into tight fists and she spoke with conviction. "I want to see the rest of Hallownest. I want you to show me."

"Absolutely not."

Though her face remained impassive, the displeasure she felt at his answer was more than clear. "Why not?"

"Because the city is vast and much too fickle for us to go traipsing around it like fools," he answered, "my time to too precious to waste away on frivolous-"

The vessel had chosen this moment to politely step forward, giving another bow. But in their hands was clasped the purple-covered book The Pale King remembered giving them less than a fortnight ago. Their reading speed was incredulous – something he himself took pride in as one of its teachers – and they had most likely finished it already. Usually, they would wait to be called upon instead of taking initiative like this however.

"Very well, if it can't be helped," he relented, "The library and the sentinel will have to do, so we can abstain from doing the full tour."

He could tell Hornet was not completely satisfied, but such was the life of royalty. It would do the child some good to learn she could not always get what she wants. Her mother too...

How long could Herrah truly stay gone for after all?

The library of The White Palace was truly a marvel in architecture. Even when considering all of Hallownest, its ceiling-height windows and metal-gilded chandeliers alone were impressive enough in their own right to make regular homes pale in comparison.

There was a bustle of activity when they arrived. Scholarly bugs of various occupations eager to consult the vast collection of knowledge stored within these bookcases and artifacts. But as The Pale King made his way to the particular section he had intended to, one filled with texts on the history of his kingdom, many left the room with polite bows and muttered greetings, unable to meet his gaze. It wasn't proper conduct to stay in the room when the king entered.

Only Monomon remained, ever oblivious to the presence of anything or anybody when she was occupied with research. Her student, a young bug the Pale King had seen only in passing before, lingered at her side, carrying books to and fro at the teacher's request.

"Go pick out what you will," the Pale King told the vessel, who had already put the book they had brought back where it belonged. Their memory also was stronger than average. They trotted off to the back of the row of shelves, occasionally stopping to inspect the covers. Hornet hesitated for a second before following them. He could hear her talking to them softly, too quiet to make out what she was saying. They nodded at her in answer.

The Pale King sighed and inspected the pages Monomon was studying, marred in her own scribbled handwriting, and completely illegible for himself. She had ruined an increasing number of the books in his possession in this manner "One only hopes you do progress like this," he said.

Monomon looked up at him, maybe just noticing his arrival but unsurprised either way. She beckoned her pupil forward, taking the remaining book in his arms to lay it open in front of her and then sending him away again in search of something new. "Progress takes time."

"Time that is in short supply."

"We will compensate." The cloth around her form billowed slightly as she moved. "You brought the little one, I see. They are advancing as hoped?"

The Pale King waited, considering the idle meaning of the word hope in such a context. "More or less."

"Less?"

"They are everything we need it to be, surely. Anything beyond that is not of consideration."

Monomon nodded, using one appendage to adjust her mask. "But you might think yourself cruel still?"

All his retainers were carefully selected, their talent undeniable and their merits to Hallownest's progression even less so. Monomon was more knowledgable than most any bug in the known realm. Sometimes a bit too much so – and the Pale King is reminded yet again of her ability to surmise that which is not meant to be obvious.

"Everything we do, we do for this kingdom," he said, "not out of cruelty."

"These are not mutually exclusive, Your Majesty."

He waved his hand, a clear sign this particular thread of conversation was over with. There were many trials still ahead of them, bridges they would need to cross once they got there. But for the time being there were more pressing matters on his mind.

She seemed to take notice, as she closed the book in front of her – took the new one delivered by her pupil, who stepped back and waited patiently for further instructions on what to fetch next – and inclined her head. "And the other one too, I saw. Herrah's offspring?"

This wasn't a subject he wanted to discuss any more than the last one, but at least it left him with righteous indignation about his current circumstances. "She sprung it on me. How does one even take care of a child?"

It was a rhetorical question, he was not seeking Monomon's knowledge, especially since childrearing was probably not among her many areas of expertise. Still, she looked up once more, then behind him. "I do believe not leaving them to fall to their deaths might be a good start."

The Pale King turned around just in time to foresee the disaster waiting to happen. Hornet had climbed one of the ladders used to obtain books held on the higher shelves, balancing on one leg precariously while her small hands reached for her intended prize instead of holding on to anything solid. The vessel stood bellow, pointing to the particular book they had requested. Monomon's pupil was standing next to them, task forgotten and instead observing the spectacle with confusion.

A moment later Hornet was on top of them. It seemed at least the other two had broken her fall with their bodies, now squeezed underneath a flurry of cloak and flailing limbs. She had righted herself in an instant and with impressive agility, brushing herself off and looking away embarrassed. "Are you alright?" he heard the pupil ask as he made his way over.

"I'm fine." Hornet turned towards the vessel, holding out the book she had somehow managed to grab on her way down. "This is the one you needed, right?"

The vessel clasped it to their chest, standing a little straighter. They didn't express their gratefulness outwardly but seemed happy with the acquisition of new reading material. The book was almost too big for them to carry, with a dark green cover and golden lettering. The Pale King didn't think he had ever seen it before, but then again there were probably many objects in his collection he hadn't.

He sighed. "Are you done with your antics?"

"They're not antics," Hornet objected, "I'm being responsible. Mother says responsibility is an important virtue for a queen."

"I'm sure she does," the Pale King said, ushering the two out of the library. They greeted Monomon in passing, back to being completely absorbed in her work. Her pupil waved at them and the vessel waved back.

From this height the palace grounds appeared even more massive than they already were, the walls barely more than faint lines on the ground one could just as easily miss. Beyond them stretched mostly darkness, but the Pale King knew where the gaping pit of the abyss was located, as well as the passageways that would lead you to the City of Tears and the Stag station above them – the direction Herrah had surely taken.

Hornet had pressed herself against the glass, unafraid of heights as she had proven to be in the library. The few bugs moving around far below were nearly indistinguishable, but she seemed enthralled with the sight nonetheless. The view was unique to the palace after all, and not something you'd encounter anywhere else in Hallownest, let alone Deepnest.

The vessel stood motionless. The Pale King could not recall how often he had taken them here, sometimes for lessons and sometimes merely for a change of scenery. He was not one to be emotional – or ascribe meaning where it shouldn't be – but perhaps part of him considered it only fair they got to see the world they were destined to sacrifice their being for, or at least the bit that remained them.

Even now large parts of Hallownest were rendered abandoned by the infection, with many bugs already giving in to its thralls. Dying out quicker than any of them had anticipated.

"It's beautiful," Hornet said, softly, like the unknowing child she was. Some stray droplets of water slid down the window, residue from the city above.

"It is only a small part of many," he answered, "but together they form one whole that is worth protecting."

Hornet looked at him, tilted her head up all dignified and it reminded him of her mother in more ways than one. "That's what a ruler does, right? Protect others, whatever it takes?"

At that moment the Pale King wondered what Herrah told her daughter. He wondered what she had left unsaid.

"Whatever it takes," he agrees, looking at the vessel, mute and waiting, the book still held tightly against the front of their cloak, watching the dying world below.

They stood there for a while longer, before he finally pulled the curious Hornet from the window again. "There is still more of the palace to see," he told her, noticing the vessel perk up at his words. She could also hardly suppress the surprise in her next words.

"I thought you did not have time."

"A king can make time," he said, leading the way back to the staircase in swift strides, "didn't your mother tell you this also? Perhaps not since she seems to be running late herself. But as it were, I'll take it on myself to make sure you don't get in trouble until then."

Hornet sputtered, quick to defend the honor of both her mother and herself as they made their way down, the vessel following obediently in their wake.

[lotus-mirage]

episode 26 + 27 liveblog

(still not watching intro b/c spoilers)

Who’s this guy? (Su She) That seemed pretty accusatory.

Suspicious at the amount of flattery

So you can just start a clan like that. Huh.

Wait, ‘teenage hero’? Are they still teenagers? Explains some things, but. Yikes.

Oh dear he’s got his flute in hand already

And now we see where the ominous music is leading

I guess this other Jin disciple is taking Wen Chao’s vacated place as ‘blunt and hatable antagonist’

There he is! Didn’t expect wwx to be making this kind of rescue.

Aaaand he’s back to not emoting much

Asking after Wen Ning directly? Hmm.

Poor bean

Oh wow that was absolutely not the right depth for that bow

Ohhhhhh boy. The arguing and threatening could probably be swept under the rug with some finesse, but... challenging all the clan leaders to stop him from killing almost definitely cannot be. Jeez.

Well. I’d assume that it’d be extremely difficult to salvage his reputation after that.

Oh jeez

Between this and the fact that we’ve seen his corpse in episode 2, I’m not feeling good about Wen Ning’s chances.

No yeah I think he’s dead unless his ghost power kick in

Eef. That disregard from his father probably cost wwx any bits of Meng Yao’s regard.

I’m glad they’re acknowledging that he was right at least

They’re being made of work even in this weather?

I am genuinely distraught right now

They’re accusing the old lady and the child she was carrying of being cultivators!?

Is this all of them!???

Like, the entirety of the Wen clan remnants?

Oh god

They’re literally wading through the bodies

fuck

Oh my god

I forget what that pouch is. Did we know?

meant for testing for what

Oh god they’re even killing the survivors

Welp, these guys are dead

(Whoops, they forgot to make his hair look wet. Unless it magically dried)

Oh he’s crying

And here comes the necromancy I guess

He’s not being puppeted!?

Is that from his ghost disease thing?

How does she know that?

What was that???? He called another name and he stopped?

What was that?

And a lone survivor to tell the tale

Oh there are some survivors

Are there enough horses for that?

Is that the ending music!!?

Ahhhhhhh

fuck okay next one

- episode 27 -

I had to do stuff between watching the episodes, but I’m right back to being sad now

Wait, how can he save Wen Ning? I guess I’m not fully clear on his status in terms of life or death

:,(

Okay these last handful of scenes have been incredible to watch - very cinematic

Ahhhhhhh

He’s crying

I wonder where they’ll go?

Oh that’s ominous bird calls

Wait

Is this the Burial Mounds?? Why would he lead them here?

Was there a time skip or did WWX just move incredibly fast????

Also wow that’s some framing going on

I don’t think there were even 50 survivors left, actually

This entire exchange between clan leaders just has me going >:( at the screen the entire time

The Jin leader is trying to turn Jiang Chang against him. I can’t believe this. >:/

I hate this guy so much

Mianmian go!!!

Awww. She shouldn’t have had to secede, but I guess that’s sexism and politics.

>:(

>:(

I hate him so much

Thank you! Stand up for yourself!

He’s still doing what the Jin leader wants, which sucks, but at least we don’t have to listen to that anymore.

Is LWJ helping Mianmian? Please?

‘No association with evil’ ouch

His father’s lesson?

What! I want to know about his parents!!!

Tragedy?

Jin Zixuan is really indecisive, haha. Although I guess it’s probably warranted given current family tensions

He’s worried, which is sweet, but also like. No. She’s going.

How many song variations are there???

Is that Wen Ning under the talismans?? What’re they doing?

Where did she get the food from?

Awww! Whatever they’re doing is working, then?

Wow, how did they get the place up and running so fast? It didn’t look like there was any living greenery.

Awwww his interactions with the kid (Yuan?) are adorable

He tells him he’s gonna plant him and the kid goes right over and sits down in the dirt

Okay I wasn’t liking this episode at all beforehand but this kind of makes up for it

He’s helping bury himself!!

Pfft, Wen Qing

Of course he brute-forces his way through the barriers

:(

Awww

He’s living in a cave??

Cutting in the middle of a conversation again

End notes:

I am disappointed with everyone who was at that conference except Mianmian and maybe LWJ. Jiang Chang is on thin ice.

I am very glad that he actually went to see things for himself, but a little wary of him misinterpreting anything. Or getting manipulated.

I’m also glad that Jin Zixuan is starting to figure out how to talk to Jiang Yanli, but disappointed in him for not standing up for Mianmian. Also slightly confused over the fact that Jiang Yanli seems to have stayed in Carp Tower?

I really hated all the politics talk. It wasn’t even interesting, just characters I hate needling the ones I like. Unpleasant.

Interested to see whatever’s happening with LWJ. We seem to be heading towards getting more backstory on him, which is nice.

There is tension between all of the characters that I like and I hate it. (Romantic tension is, naturally, not a part of this category)

I’m glad that Wen Ning is getting resurrected in a different manner than the usual zombies. It’s interesting, and I wonder if there’s any way it could be replicated? Probably not (at least in canon).

WWX started a village! It’s adorable and I love it and I am supremely worried for its livelihood. He also seems to be doing much better there, honestly.

[laylainalaska]

Torchwood 1x01-1x08

Since I’ve been posting Torchwood rewatch episode reactions over on DW, I may as well post them here too!

Cut with a readmore because long and also spoilery. No specific S2 spoilers except set off in its own section.

----

1x01: Everything Changes, aka Torchwood is the worst-kept secret in the greater Cardiff metropolitan area. The episode with the infamous date rape via alien aphrodisiac. I have made the deliberate choice to compartmentalize this/pretend it never happened due to TV writers being notoriously terrible with recognizing the real-world implications of fantasy aphrodisiacs and sex magic (there was just a scene like this in The Witcher in 20-fucking-20), and treat it as what it is clearly supposed to be in context -- unethical but basically harmless misuse of an alien artifact -- instead of what it really is. But I recognize that this is a personal choice and I also hate this writing decision and wish they'd picked literally any other way of making this particular point, for the record. Anyway ... the rest of this episode other than the fucking date rape was a lot of fun, though. Torchwood is the worst secret quasi-governmental agency at being secret. THE ACTUAL WORST. I love the team trying to keep straight faces and then giggling when Gwen enters their secret base, and the entire base set is just so fantastically bonkers; I really really love it a lot. There's literally a fountain in the middle of it and, like, random water everywhere?! And a pterodactyl. And the invisible lift, with Gwen's wry comment about how there's nothing to stop random pedestrians from falling down it. It's possibly the most utterly bonkers secret spy base outside of kids' cartoons and I love it. 1x02: Day One, aka Murder By Orgasm. In which the show classes things up with an alien who kills people (men only!) via orgasm. Choices were definitely made in this episode. Many choices. For sure. Owen continues to be a total sleaze because the writers think it's funny. Also, his survival when the sex alien targets him makes absolutely no sense at all. He's literally the only person she left alive, and she's in the throes of sex-energy withdrawal at the time. In short, this was an episode that happened. There were a few cute team bits but really not enough to redeem it. 1x03: Ghost Machine, aka Burn Gorman Is Very Pretty. Not that I am biased. He is so pretty in this episode. SO PRETTY. Also, for a refreshing change, Owen manages not to be creepy and sexist at all in this episode. He's just prickly and kind of sweet. I like this Owen. I want to keep him. This episode overall was really a lot of fun, aside from (or perhaps also including) the most unintentionally hilarious death of a redshirt ever, in which he goes to hug Gwen and she accidentally stabs him with the knife she's holding. But overall it's so great! The Owen arc was my favorite - I love how affected he is by the memory device (the scene where he's clearly having a panic attack and trying to keep control!) and how determined he is to get justice for the murdered girl, only to be essentially brought down by his basic decent nature and inability to kill an old man in cold blood. Owen trying to save the guy's life when he was holding a knife on him thirty seconds earlier breaks me a little bit. Lots of fun team scenes in this one, too. The Splott conversation! ("Estate agents call it Sploe.") 1x04: Cyberwoman, aka CYBERBIKINI! Here again, Choices Were Made, most of them by the costuming department with a side of deeply uncomfortable racial implications on the part of whoever cast the episode. To be fair, maybe they just couldn't afford enough tinfoil to cover CyberLisa entirely, since the budget for this episode was clearly three shoestrings and a potato. I don't know if my favorite part of the low-budget f/x is the way they're clearly splicing in Doctor Who clips for the cyberization process, or the fall of Torchwood One, a giant battle involving hundreds of participants that is represented by Ianto screaming while surrounded by plastic sheeting. Honestly, I really love this episode. It is not good by any stretch of the imagination, but there is something incredibly charming about its sheer commitment to utter batshittery and OTT sobbing over emotional team betrayals, and parts of it were incredibly tense. It has the general feel of a horror film shot by college theater majors. Also someone getting doused in barbecue sauce and fed to a pterodactyl is literally a plot point, and the team basketball game at the beginning is one of my favorite little team moments; it's so cute. Cyberbikini aside and with expectations properly lowered, this was terrific fun. 1x05: Small Worlds, aka Death By Hanahaki Disease. On the whole this episode was not terrible nor was it memorably unpleasant; it was just kind of there. In going back to write about the episodes, I really had trouble remembering what even happened in this one. The concept is really interesting, but the fairies stopped being nearly so creepy once you actually see them in all their low-budget-CGI glory; I think the episode would actually have been better if they'd stayed invisible. The flower petal deaths were really gross. I hadn't realized that, while Gwen (unlike the rest of his team) knows that Jack can die and come back, she didn't actually know before this episode that he's much older than he looks. 1x06: Countrycide, aka Don't Split The Party. WELSH MURDER VILLAGE. I loved this episode. This is the ridonkulous teamy sci-fi horror shenanigans that I'm here for. I mean, I was there with bells on for TEAM CAMPING TRIP and then it just got better and better. Ianto gets to go out in the field for the first time and nearly gets eaten by cannibals! Poor Ianto. His life is the worst. I sort of vaguely knew because of season two that there was Owen/Gwen in the first season, but what really caught me off guard is how much I enjoyed it. I was expecting meaningless sex with a side of skeeve, and I do really hate that she's cheating on her boyfriend and how pushy about it Owen is at first, not to mention outing their kiss to the whole team. But the crazy thing about it is, by the midpoint of the episode they're actually, genuinely very sweet, and by the end of the episode you can see what they're both getting out of the relationship and get the feeling that it's a positive human connection for both of them. Also, the near-kiss and teamwork in the woods was incredibly hot. I really loved (and was also surprised by) how loyal and protective Owen is toward his teammates. We saw it a little bit in the previous episode with his "Don't you touch her!" re: Gwen, but it's abundantly on display here, from Owen repeatedly insisting that they need to go after Tosh and Ianto, to his fury at the guy threatening Tosh, to his captor having to restrain him when they pull the hood off Ianto's head near the end. Love Jack's big-damn-hero entrance to the Murder House, and everyone running around screaming and getting separated and hurt, which is always a good time. Basically I just loved this episode. It needed more hurt/comforty aftermath, though. I might have to write some. 1x07: Greeks Bearing Gifts, aka Tosh Has An Alien Girlfriend. I really loved this episode, on the whole, but it is Made Of Ouch. As well as Tosh's isolation and hurt, there's also that bit where she hears Ianto's thoughts and it's just endless painpainpainpain. I like to think that after this episode, she started getting together with him for drinks occasionally and talking about things. They both need friends so badly. (I do not love Jack's random transphobic comment near the end. From JACK of all people. WHY.) And seeing Tosh's delight and squee when she gets to just geek out about things is so lovely. Tosh is absolutely a person who leaves her teammates notes with little hearts on them. I love her. ♥ (Also, as much as I love Owen personally, I really wish that so much of Tosh's storyline didn't revolve around her hopeless crush on Owen. Toshiko deserved better, in all ways, than what this show gave her.) It's too bad that Gwen and Owen's affair is, on the whole, a rather destructive thing, because they're really happy! They're like the only happy people in Torchwood at this point. It's not a grand love story or anything, but I felt like the sheer joy of that initial rush of infatuation was well conveyed and sweet. Owen's relationship with Tosh in season one is completely baffling to me. He's not only staggeringly oblivious to Tosh being into him, but she's literally the only woman at Torchwood that he doesn't hit on. And yet, it's not that he doesn't like her! He clearly does like her in a friend kind of way and enjoys hanging out with her. The card that Mary was looking at in Tosh's apartment looked handmade to me, so he literally made her a handmade birthday card! And yet, he is blindingly oblivious to her interest and rejects her every time she makes overtures. ... I mean, the meta-reason is probably just that the writers thought it would be funny if the character who always sleeps around doesn't notice the one person who really wants him. But I can't help wondering if the basic issue is that Owen has somehow, without really intending to, classified his relationship with her as basically a sibling-type one. We know from the flashbacks in season two that they both joined Torchwood at about the same time and were both in a very emotionally fragile place when they did, and Jack also has a very quasi-parental sort of vibe with both of them. It makes me wonder if Owen either tried to initiate something early on and was rebuffed because Tosh wasn't really coping well either, or if he met her at a point in his life when he was really not interested in having relationships with anyone and simply classified her mentally in a sort of little-sister category. This actually does fit very well with the sometimes bullying, sometimes playful and sweet, generally sexless way that he relates to her this season, and the way that he clearly does care about her and in fact is very protective at times; he just doesn't view her as a target of romantic interest. Anyway, Tosh was very beautiful this episode, and her alien girlfriend was also quite hot, and I really enjoyed it. 1x08: They Keep Killing Suzie, aka I don't think anything I could come up with is better than the actual title. The scene in which they've accidentally locked themselves in their secret underground base and have to call the cops to let them out is possibly my favorite scene in this entire show. That was GOLD. I also wish the cop lady from this episode had come back. She was great, and her rapport with Jack was really neat. Part of what I want to say about this episode contains massive season two spoilers, so that's set off in a spoiler section at the end. This was a highly entertaining episode with a plot that was total nonsense that falls apart within 0.2 seconds of actually thinking about it. Good emotional stuff, yes! Plot? BONKERS. I mean, Suzie's plan was something like this: 1. Drive someone insane by feeding them Retcon for two years. 2. Kill yourself. 3. ???? 4. Profit! I am just going to headcanon that the team are actually wrong about Suzie planning all of this, and it's mostly an accidental set of circumstances that she took advantage of. I did love the twist of Suzie wanting a deathbed reunion with her dad not because of love, but because she wanted to watch him die because he's terrible. (However, this does completely undermine what was previously given as part of her motivation for getting addicted to the glove, which was trying to save her dad. See above re: plot nonsense.) But the team stuff was fun! Love everyone scrambling to save Gwen, and Owen holding her at the end -- I'm still seeing them through a lens of mostly-platonic more than romantic. The general vibe with the team pulling together vs. Suzie having basically no one in Torchwood to talk to is really interesting; it's hard to say how much of that is the team having gotten closer over the course of the season, and how much of it is just Suzie not really ever bonding with her co-workers the way they bonded with each other. I mean, I do get more of a co-workery vibe off them early on, as opposed to the chosen-family feeling later on, but the closeness is there under the surface; I'm just not really sure if they've realized it yet. But with Suzie, it's hard to say if the closeness ever really was there. They're all damaged in their various ways, but I feel like Suzie might be damaged in a way that simply precluded her ever really being able to let people in, as the others are learning to. Ianto's visible depression at this point in the show is mostly down to Gareth David-Lloyd's acting, but it's so well done -- his flat affect and thousand-yard stare, especially contrasted against his dry, sarcastic humor when he's not miserable (mostly in season two). The other Ianto-related thing I noticed is that the warmer, more bantery rapport between Ianto and Owen in season two is actually present in this episode to some extent, for perhaps the first time ever. In particular, Owen makes him smile at one point by teasing him (the only time Ianto smiles in the last few episodes, I think, up until he's with Jack at the very end), and offers him the first shot at naming the knife in spite of Ianto's artifact names being genuinely terrible - like, trying to include him a little bit, in a way I haven't seen Owen doing with him before. There's a general feeling throughout this episode that Owen has warmed up to him a bit and is actually reaching out a little. And Ianto and Jack are sleeping together now! I don't know when that happened and I wish we'd seen more of the beginnings of it. It's nice to see Ianto smile, though. Season two 1x08-related spoilers: 

Watching this episode after having seen Owen's resurrection glove arc in season two was FASCINATING, especially for the compare/contrast of the way the team reacted to resurrected!Suzie vs. resurrected!Owen; I mean, the fact that she died in the process of betraying them after becoming a serial killer is obviously a large factor here, and they were somewhat wary of Owen too, but there's just so much more ambivalence in how they deal with Suzie, vs. the way that Owen's death and resurrection actually brought the team closer together, and brought Owen closer to all of them.

But the most interesting contrast to me is how Owen and Suzie, as characters, both reacted to the whole idea of having to survive by killing people, with Jack trying (unsuccessfully) to argue Suzie out of allowing Gwen to die, whereas Owen's immediate reaction to finding out that his survival might be killing people (just random people too, not teammates) was to try to sacrifice himself, not just once but multiple times, starting with a fundamentally horrible euthanasia-type death and continuing on to destroy the resurrection glove himself even though it was likely to re-kill him. Why yes, I can turn any episode discussion into an Owen discussion, even an episode he wasn't especially prominent in.

[mayadusenbery-blog]

12 questions about that article on treating chronic pain with more pain

Edited to add: Some thoughts on Invisibilia's response to the criticism:

They say the piece was about a "small subset of chronic pain sufferers": young people with the "rare condition" Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome (AMPS). First, AMPS is not a "condition"—it's an umbrella term (one that, as far as I can tell, is not widely used outside of these type of treatment programs). According to Hoffart, it covers “juvenile fibromyalgia, complex regional pain syndrome, localized pain, neuropathic pain, central sensitization syndrome.” So it appears to cover basically any unexplained/idiopathic neuropathic or functional pain syndrome in children and teens. I do not know how the pediatric versions of these syndromes may differ in prevalence (or anything else) from the adult versions. But, collectively, the adult versions are not rare in the least. Fibromyalgia alone is estimated to affect at least 4 million people (most of them women) in the U.S.

This story was clearly framed as part of a broader exploration of "how our culture's attitude towards pain has shifted over the past fifty years" so the idea that it was just about one condition and one program and "was not meant to serve as a commentary on all chronic pain experiences" is hard to buy. Plus, this story is part of a larger conversation about chronic pain. While these particular treatment programs are extreme and rare, the basic theory that unexplained chronic pain is caused by patients focusing too much attention on their pain/"conversion” of emotional distress into physical symptoms/reinforcement through “secondary gain”/etc. is one that much of the medical community still holds.

It is not some radical new theory; it is a very old theory. More to the point, it has been the default theory until quite recently. The long history of just assuming that unexplained pain syndromes (that, not incidentally, mostly affect women) are psychogenic or fabricated and, consequently, not scientifically researching them and dismissing sufferers as “malingerers, liars and hysterics” has had implications for our understanding of chronic pain in general. And how we understand what is now variously called "amplified" or "centralized" pain has implications for many, if not all, people with chronic pain.

I am not against interdisciplinary pain treatment programs. I'm not against behavioral pain management techniques. I am certainly not against incorporating psychotherapy into any pain management approach.

I am against pretending we understand what is happening in "the mind" when what we really mean is that we don't understand what is happening in the body. I am against accepting unfalsifiable and highly implausible theories by default instead of doing actual science. I'm against treating patients on the basis of those unproven theories with unbelievably little regard for the potential harm to them if we are wrong.

Original post:

I don’t know what questions the journalists asked the experts in this NPR story about programs that treat unexplained chronic pain conditions in kids by forcing them “to push their bodies until they are in tons of pain” in order to retrain their brains to ignore pain.

But these are the questions I would have asked them:

1) What evaluations do patients undergo before the program to determine that there isn't an undiagnosed condition or injury that explains their pain? Literally, what lab tests and imaging is ordered? How many specialists have independently reviewed their case? How sure are you (as a percentage) that you have ruled out every possible underlying cause of the pain before accepting a patient into your program? 2) Your program is based on the theory that the pain persists because patients focus on it. But what is your theory for how the pain begins? How do you explain experiences like Devyn's in which the pain began suddenly out of the blue?

3) There are many pain experts who believe that what you call "amplified pain" is indeed caused by an amplification of the pain processing system but is due to sensitization at the level of neuron, not mediated by psychological factors like attentional focus. What evidence specifically convinces you that your theory is the more likely one? And what evidence would convince you that your theory is incorrect? Is your theory falsifiable?

4) You theorize that the pain is an expression of emotional distress in kids who are "not in touch with their feelings" and "don't have the sophisticated emotional skills they need to manage in an increasingly stressful world." Given that girls are generally more emotionally intelligent and in touch with their feelings than boys, what is your explanation for why girls are disproportionately affected by these pain syndromes? And if your theory about the root cause of the pain is correct, wouldn't the factor that explains the gender difference then need to be something nearly universal—like, say, sex-based genetic or hormonal differences—to produce such a marked gender imbalance in the opposite direction? And if that’s the case, wouldn’t that suggest that biological factors play a more important role than your theory allows for? 5) Many other experts in what you call amplified pain recommend exercise because of its physiological effect on the pain processing system. What makes you believe that any benefit from your program is due to the experience of pain and not the direct effect of the exercise itself? Have you done a study in which one control group got the exercise only (or the exercise, therapy, and breathing exercises) but without the focus on ignoring the pain? 6) Similarly, learning to distract yourself or even disassociate from the pain is a common way of coping with pain, both acute pain and chronic pain explained by an underlying disease or injury. Have you done a study in which you put patients with "explained" chronic pain conditions (say, rheumatoid arthritis patients) through the same treatment program? If patients with "explained" chronic pain report comparable reductions in pain wouldn't that suggest that what you are offering is not a treatment of the root cause of the pain but simply a (very unpleasant) way of teaching patients some pain coping skills? 7) Your program is rooted in a belief that you should not give more attention to patients' pain complaints. An asthma attack and a nosebleed are not pain complaints. What possible justification was there to ignore these problems in Devyn? 8) Upon completion of your program, what training do you provide to patients and their parents about how to differentiate between their existing pain, which they are instructed to ignore, and new pain complaints that may be a warning sign of an unrelated potentially life-threatening medical problem? 9) How did you get permission to implement this treatment program if the approach has never been proven safe and effective in large controlled studies? Do you inform patients and their parents of the untested, experimental nature of the program?

10) You believe that the alarmingly high and rising rates of chronic pain in the US are caused by the fact that American society has "focused way too much attention on aggressively relieving pain" and our medical system "asks patients to rate their pain on a scale of 1 to 10, and treats it like an emergency." How does this theory square with the overwhelming amount of evidence that pain is frequently undertreated in the US medical system, physicians get little training on pain management, and most continue to see pain as a diagnostic clue and not a problem in and of itself?

11) As our understanding of the neurobiology of pain has gotten progressively more sophisticated over the decades, many other previously inexplicable aspects of pain that we resorted to explaining in psychological terms have become explained in physiological ones (for example, phantom limb pain). Doesn’t this history give you pause about the wisdom of resorting to psychological theories for pain that is currently “unexplained”?

12) You clearly believe wholeheartedly that your theory is correct. What if you are wrong?

[derpyslurpy-da-derp-master]

All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had  standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family. 

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again. 

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ 

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah… 

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

[mst3kproject]

504: Secret Agent Super Dragon

Let’s move on to another oft-overlooked subset of MST3K – the Budget Bond films.  These are always very bad, but often a lot of fun if you’re in the right kind of mood.

Brian Cooper is Super Dragon, pulled out of retirement to find out who’s distributing poisoned chewing gum to co-eds!  Boy, if that doesn’t sound like the setup for a thrilling spy caper, nothing does!  The plot seems to revolve around a Dutch student named Christine Bruder, so Cooper goes to Amsterdam looking for her.  There, in between fucking his female colleagues and flirting with every woman he sees, he learns that Bruder was part of a plot to smuggle deadly drugs into the United States, hidden in fake Ming vases.  An evil conspiracy is planning to dope the free world on a chemical that will cause us to violently attack one another, and then… uh, I don’t know what happens after that, but it’s probably safe to assume it’ll end in the bad guys ruling the world.  That’s always the goal.

What’s with that spy movie cliché about the glamorous secret agent who sleeps with every woman he meets?  Friends, enemies, co-workers, random waitresses… our suave hero loses no chance to insert Tab A into Slot B.  He can’t walk down the street without having women throw themselves at him.  This trope has been parodied to hell and back in everything from Austin Powers to The Million Eyes of Sumuru and it’s actually sort of weird to see it played straight, as it is here.  As a PSA to my readers: never sleep with a glamorous secret agent.  He probably has like nine venereal diseases.

The weirdest thing in the movie is a facet of this trope: it’s the bit where Cooper and Agent Farrell are busily smooching when a man breaks into her apartment and tries to kill them.  They fight him off, and he commits suicide so they can’t question him.  Cooper then throws his body out the window, turns the soundtrack back on, and the couple just pick up where they left off!  Maybe it’s because I’m not a glamorous secret agent but I gotta agree with Tom Servo on this one: I don’t think I could have sex in the same room where I just watched a guy kill himself. It wouldn’t be right, you know?

I will say that this indifference towards death bothers me less here than it did in Master Ninja I, but the characters in Secret Agent Super Dragon have presumably have years of both physical training to kill and psychological coaching to deal with the consequences. Even so, just getting right back to the makeout session before the body’s even had a chance to cool seems unnecessarily callous.

The other trope I notice a lot of in Secret Agent Super Dragon is the death trap. Our hero’s life is threatened repeatedly but always in some contrived way that allows him a chance to escape. The first time he’s tied to a rail so some machine can come along and roll over his head.  He gets out in the nick of time and it crushes a can of red paint instead.  The second time he’s nailed into a coffin and thrown into the river.  He holds his breath and inflates a flotation device. The third time, he’s trapped in a building rigged to explode.  His buddy flies in with a helicopter.  Why doesn’t anybody just shoot this guy? Villains that stupid don’t deserve to take over the world!

Yet another thing that stands out as remarkably dumb is the cause the charity auction is supposed to support – ‘an International Hospital for Babies with Malnutrition’.  Okay, so, imagine you’re somebody whose child is starving, which probably means you’re dirt poor.  Instead of sending food to you, these people expect you to bring the baby to a hospital, which may be in another country, so that they can feed the kid there. Is the complete impracticality of this supposed to be our clue that it’s a scam?  The script never references that, though.  Did somebody just pick a bunch of charitable-sounding words?  Was it a bad translation of something that actually made sense in the original language?  Are the writers just that stupid?  We’ll probably never know.

Beyond that… it’s honestly really hard to say anything deeper about Secret Agent Super Dragon, because this is another movie that’s not very ambitious. It has some vague themes about drugs as the downfall of western civilization, but its characters don’t have appreciable arcs and there’s not much by way of symbolism for me to analyze. All it wants is to keep us mindlessly entertained for an hour and a half – and there’s nothing wrong with that, honestly, but Super Dragon isn’t even any good at it.  Trying to watch without Joel and the bots I found myself drifting repeatedly.  There’s the charming super-spy, the parade of blandly beautiful women, the evil mastermind with a vague plan to take over the world, the easily-escaped death traps… we’ve done this all before, and Super Dragon doesn’t even use the stereotypes in skillful or interesting ways.

The thing about spy movie tropes is they’re so easy to parody, and have been parodied so many times, that even somebody who doesn’t actually watch spy movies can spot them because we all absorb them through pop-culture osmosis.  Playing them straight therefore runs a very serious risk of boring the audience.  Of course Agent Farrell is working for the bad guys, because in a story like this, a character like her does – and of course she falls in love with Cooper and betrays her bosses for him.  None of this stuff is even really foreshadowed (except that Farrell dyes her hair – can’t trust those unnatural redheads!) but we still know it’s coming because we’ve seen the same shit in fifty other movies. The bad guy wants to cleanse the world so it can be made anew?  Been there. The movie wallows in misogyny but in all the same old ways, so I’ve got nothing new to say about it.

Throughout the film people talk about the ‘legendary Super Dragon’ but I don’t think we ever get a reason why Cooper’s so great.  Bond films begin with a breathtaking action setpiece to show us that our hero has nifty gadgets and balls of steel – Secret Agent Super Dragon begins with Cooper playing dead by the pool.  His most remarkable ability seems to be holding his breath for a really long time, and his gadgeteer, the kleptomaniacal Babyface, makes most of his gadgets out of literal toys.  I think this might be a joke about the obvious miniatures some of these movies use… but I’m not sure.  All I’m sure of is when that dinosaur waddled into the room I was halfway expecting it to demand the return of the Golden Ninja Warrior.

About the only place where the movie seems to accidentally brush by a real statement is in a moment that resembles a historical reference.  Cooper has infiltrated a conspiracy meeting (by wearing a half-mask that leaves his rather distinctive chin fully visible) at which the Big Bad, Mr. Lamas, is delivering an expository monologue: their factory in India is in full production of the drug, which will be shipped to America in phony Ming vases and bring the world to its knees!  If you’re going to talk about drugs making and breaking empires, China and India are where it happened.

In the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, the East India Company fostered opium addiction in China because they wanted cheap tea and because the British government had vague plans, which never came anywhere close to fruition, to add China to their empire.  The opium to feed this addiction was grown in India, often by farmers who would rather have been growing actual food but owed too much money to the EIC. This all led to the Opium Wars and a lot of other unpleasantness in which the British Empire came out looking even more like assholes than they usually did.  In a story about conquering the world through drug addiction, then, having the drugs created in India and slipped into something Chinese looks like a reference to history repeating itself.

It may also mean something else.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is relentlessly white, set mostly in a city in northwestern Europe, where conspiracies of middle-aged white guys drink booze and decide the fate of nations.  The actual work that makes this possible, however, is being done by people of colour in the east.  Not only does this seem to reference how western nations use other countries as battlegrounds and bargaining chips in their own power struggles, it can also serve as a reminder of something we frequently forget: a lot of what makes our comfortable lives possible comes from other countries, made by people who could never afford to buy it.  My eyeglasses, the sweater I’m wearing, and the chair I’m sitting on were all made in China.  Our entire economy depends on cheap foreign labor, and I wonder sometimes how much longer that can last before the whole thing falls apart.

Is any of this the movie’s intentional theme or message?  I doubt it. The historical reference seems to be just a ‘hey, look how clever we are!’ moment and the rest probably goes no deeper than ‘oh, no, our children are doing drugs!’, which has been on the verge of ending civilization since at least the thirties.  Secret Agent Super Dragon is just a dumb trashy Eurospy movie, and not even a very good one.  I don’t hate it, but mostly because it’s not worth that kind of effort.  The MST3K treatment renders it infinitely more enjoyable, especially when Tom and Crow do Jazz.

Agent Cooper was played by actor Ray Danton, who died in 1992, a year before the episode aired.  Probably all for the best.  I doubt he’d have been into all those jokes about how his character is perfectly smooth.

[bloodthirstymoonstone]

Walter the Opalite

Have you ever wondered what Walter would be like if he actually had the opportunity to reach his full potential instead of constantly being shit on by his brother and life as a whole? That’s basically the basis of my Imperial Walter AU, so keep reading if you’d like to find out more!

Also, special thanks to @for-grado, who helped me hash out a lot of these ideas over Discord.

The beginning of Walter’s life during his Imperial timeline is pretty similar, if not exactly the same. The twins actually got along swimmingly during their early childhood, with Valter stepping up and becoming the bold and outgoing one, while still being quite sensitive to Walter's needs and almost serving as a mediator between him and other people when he got anxious. It wasn’t until the twins were in their early adolescents that Valter suddenly had a change of heart and began acting like a total dick to Walter for... reasons I won’t get into right now. 

But before the twins drift apart, there’s a terrifying incident where Walter suffered a traumatic wolf attack that threatened to kill him if Valter hadn't stepped in -- something that he's eternally grateful for. In the “canon” timeline, they both lived, with only minor injuries (if any) due to Valter being able to take it by surprise from behind and clock it on the head with a large rock. In this AU, the poor boys aren’t so lucky. The attack misses its mark, and the wolf turns the brunt of its ire onto Valter instead. Walter’s arm was so badly mangled, he nearly lost it, and Valter died from the severity of his wounds and shock before anyone could really help him. 

The death of his beloved twin took a severe toll on Walter. He was haunted by guilt, feeling that the entire situation was his fault. But the love and support of his parents helped him push past it, and he dedicated himself to growing as much as he could in his brother's honor, since he knew that if Valter were still alive, he'd want to see him doing well. (That’s what we in the business call irony.)

But anyway, through a lot of hard work and study, he became every bit as successful as Valter would have in his stead. Well educated, well liked, skilled in several recreational activities like cooking and art, and although he's still quite introverted and a bit... Awkward(tm), he knew how to get past that and still have people like him for who he was, and grew to be quite formidable in terms of magical prowess.

But it wasn't enough for him. Driven by his brother's selfless sacrifice he decided to enlist in the Grado military when he was a teen so that he could help protect others just like his brother had done for him. His parents were quite Nervous(tm) about that, as would anyone who had lost one of their kids in a tragic accident. They didn’t want to see their last remaining son sign up for a dangerous profession, but he was super insistent, so they eventually gave him their full support.

Basic training was hard on him, but over time, his leadership and prowess on the battlefield would earn him the title of an Imperial General -- something that he was quite proud of. He didn't just consider it an achievement he got on his own. He would be very quick to thank all the multitudes of people that helped him get so far with their undying support and loyalty. Under Emperor Vigarde, he would eventually come to be known as the Opal.

For a few years, life seemed perfect. But then, his parents got sick. Same disease that got them in the canon verse (whatever it is). Unlike Valter, who ignored their progressing sickness for months (if not years) as he chased his lofty dreams ascending the ranks, Walter immediately resigned from his position upon first hearing about it. He placed a vast importance on his family, especially after his brother's death, so the thought of losing them was unbearable. Selena was brought on board in his stead during that time.

He fought as hard as he could to keep them alive, but ultimately, none of it paid off. He lost them both, and fell into a deep depression that lasted years. He hit the bottle pretty hard and was barely seen venturing out of his mansion, preferring to have servants run errands for him instead. While he never did anything as sick and degenerate as Valter during that time, having a lonely 40 year old bachelor living by himself in a large spoopy mansion would certainly get the locals talking among themselves and coming up with all kinds of weird rumors and speculation as to what he’s up to in there.

Eventually, the in-game events happen, and Lyon needs generals to fill out his ranks again. I plan on elaborating on their relationship a little bit more in the future, but Lyon would know that the man is skilled mage and loyal soldier, so he’d ask him to join the cause again. Walter would be quite hesitant to join the force again, but after some pleading, he’d acquiesce. He originally joined to protect the people of Grado, and even though his parents wouldn’t be coming back, he could still protect the young soldiers under his care.

And so General Walter would be welcomed back with open arms, though he’d make a small change to his title, preferring the name “Opalite” over “Opal.” Opalite is basically fool’s Opal -- a name given either to a synthetic creation made from glass, or naturally occurring opal so rife with inclusions and flaws that it’s practically worthless. It would perfectly describe how he feels like an empty husk of a man, simply going through the motions so that he can die in peace with no regrets.

Not to say he’s cold or distant or unpleasant to be around in the slightest. It’s just that for all of his warm words of encouragement and highly supportive chats with his subordinates, there’s no getting rid of that constant, nagging cloud of sadness that seems to weigh him down, no matter what he does. He struggles to pretend that everything is normal with him, but everyone can tell that there’s something. Off about him. He drinks a bit too much, he has moments where he wordlessly stares out into the void, has crying spells -- all of it. He’s barely holding it together, and he knows that. But he’s still trying his best.

If I had to pin down his character, I’d say he’s somewhere between Duessel and Selena in terms of his goodness and loyalty to the empire. He’ll give everything he can to stop the Renais twins from advancing, but like hell he’s laying down his life for bullshit reasons when everyone is telling him they don’t want any more bloodshed. He’d probably be taken a prisoner, then would join forces with the twins after they find Knoll and it hits him just how deeply wrong things are.

Jesus fuck this got long. I’ll have to do a Part 2 sometime about his relationships with other characters, especially with Lyon, as that’s a highly important one. But for now, to wrap this up, here’s a few assorted details about Imperial Walter.

Canon Walter is a Sage, whereas Imperial Walter is a Druid. This is because Canon Walt promoted from the Priest line and had little to no practical knowledge of offensive magic. Imperial Walter was pretty much the opposite.

Imperial Walter still has a stutter, though he’s trained himself to make it a lot less noticeable for most people in casual conversation. If I had to compare his speaking style, it would be a lot like Rowan Atkinson.

When he’s having a bit of a breakdown, though, it can get quite bad.

Walter may still be a sweetheart unlike what his brother ultimately became, but he’s no pushover. He’s a goddamn general with nearly 20 years of military experience, and he carries himself like one. Don’t fuck with him.

Dadly advice dispenser. 

Walter is listed as a Demiboy on my About page, and that’s still true for Imperial Walter. He’s a lot more confident in his gender identity, though, and can sometimes be seen making his rounds in “women’s clothing”.

Some people got freaked out by that and claims that he goes mad and puts on his dead mother’s clothing to grieve from time to time, but... No. He bought them himself, thanks.

Walter doesn’t walk with a limp or have a fucked up leg due to Valter’s bullshit, but he does have a banged up arm due to the wolf attack gone bad. He keeps it wrapped up in bandages almost constantly to spare people the horror of having to see it constantly, but doesn’t regard it with fear or shame. It’s a testament to his brother’s sacrifice and the fact that he lived.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Prompt: citadel of Ricks

(a DWC prompt I wasn’t able to get to last week)@ricksanchezdwc

You were warned ahead of time not to panic. He kept you on the line as he stepped through the portal, and you gasped at his appearance. At the sight of the rifle in his arms, you dropped your phone. What the hell?

Every step he took, you backed away, unsure of what was going on. Rick set his rifle down, kneeled, picked up the dropped phone and placed it on the side table. There was a few things he had to explain, but only when you were ready to listen. This was a Guard Rick uniform he was wearing, that much you recognized, but it was a shock to see your kind, lovable scientist wearing anything remotely threatening. His eyes searched you, pleaded, eager to comfort.

When you calmed a little, you reached out to touch his cheek, reassured to find it was him, just him, and not some hallucination. He stayed still, allowing you to pass your hand over his lapels, over the soft fabric of his black shirt, around his badge, and over his leather glove. He slowly placed a hand on your shoulder, gauging your reactions as he moved closer. Your meds sometimes made you jumpy, and when this happened, Rick had to be extra careful with his surprises. He touched your forehead with his, apologizing for what he was about to put you through.

For a while you two stood like this, just breathing, until you were sure that you were calm enough to listen.

Being part of the Citadel Militia, there were certain perks that came with the job. Of course, in order to take advantage of those perks, he had to wear the assigned uniform, and just….wow.You saw why he didn’t wear it, with the tightness of the pants, and the authoritative look it gave him, it was like watching him play dress up. Yet, he stood a little straighter, almost taller, but the idea of him carrying weapons seemed out of character. Honestly, you were unsure, afraid, and wondered if visiting the Citadel with him was even a good idea, but as he put it, the time had come.

You had become an integral part of his life, and he considered you as family. There wasn’t anyone else, and because he didn’t have a Morty anymore, he wanted you to be there when he filled out the paperwork as to why he wasn’t going to apply to get a new one.  He didn’t want to put it off anymore. It was time to move on, and that involved doing a few things he didn’t like.

Rick gestured at his uniform, how its fabrics felt foreign, the weight of his gear was unpleasant, being a reminder of his days in training. Being a Rick, a lot of things came naturally, but there were learned skills like how to use weapons, repairs, and what to do if you’re out of booze. He almost never wore the uniform, except for certain formal events, or when he had to blend in. He hated the militaristic side of his occupation, and had only joined because he wanted to be useful, to be able to see the universe, and to make new friends.

As he shifted and moved, his boots squeaked.

There was so much he had to tell, so much he’d refrained from telling you in fear that you wouldn’t like him anymore. You led him to the couch, gave him extra pillows so that he may recline comfortably. He trembled beneath your touch, scared of how you’d see him if he really told you. Whatever had not been said already, you didn’t need to know. If he cared to share information with you, then you would accept.

No matter what, you still loved him, and that wouldn’t change. So he told you everything there was to know, about the Citadel, it’s citizens and what could be expected. You weren’t sure you could retain it all, but you listened, asked questions when necessary, and reassured him. He wasn't…..he wasn’t a very good Rick, he was an anomaly, the fluke. Yet, according to his test results, he was still classified as a Rick, unlike Slow Rick who was classified as a Morty.

There were things he had done that he wasn’t proud of, but never out of anger, to injure, or purposely. He was a Rick after all, and in the pursuit of knowledge, came the dangers involving certain truths. By the end of his information dump, he studied you, wanting to know how you felt about it. You still cared for him, that much had not changed, you still loved him, and as always he was yours. Though, there were some truths which would take some time to completely understand.

That much, he could accept.__________You two portaled into the Citadel, where you were met by a group of guard Rick’s. Zeta-7 was a law abiding Rick, and followed protocol by making sure he had the proper documentation to show you had the right to be there. Unlike other times, his face was neutral, and his voice carried no emotion.

Perhaps the uniform gave him an invisible confidence, but you didn’t like the coldness, the similarities you spotted amongst the Rick-kind. Amongst themselves, the other guards joked, giving you lecherous looks, and all you could do was reach out, and hold onto Zeta-7s clenched, gloved hand. At your touch, there was another slight change in him, as the beginnings of a smile showed at the corners of his mouth. You glared at the other Ricks, making them laugh harder. They didn’t understand how a sassy girl like you ended up with a Doofus of a Rick like him.

Once they were satisfied with themselves, and the documents, they stepped aside, still laughing their heads off as you two got into his work vehicle.

It looked like a futuristic police cruiser, it even said Police on its side doors. You knew Rick had an important job, but nothing like this. He was more of an investigator, almost like a detective, though on his contract, it didn’t necessarily specify; he just did, what he was told to do. Yet, even so, he did have the right to use corporate vehicles, use of a freeze ray, rifle gun, and other odd perks, like discounts at participating restaurants.

He understood your shock, he didn’t care for the uniform either, but it was more preferable to drive then to attract attention on public transportation, or deal with mean taxi drivers. No, you never would have pictured him in a place like this, working here in a bustling Metropolis, where there were thousands of Rick’s and Morty’s, the occasional Summer, and work with such horrible monsters that looked just like him. He placed the car in autopilot for a moment, and explained a few things which might come up. Damn, now that your were getting used to this look, you thought he really did look good, especially when he was trying to stand his ground, and take charge. You pulled him down by the collar, and gave him a few sweet kisses.

It was going to be a long day, and he was going to need all the love he could get.________________The Department of Morty Reassignment, Adoption, and Registration wasn’t much more than a glorified Daycare. In fact, the Morty Daycare was only down the block. And while you found it atrocious, the behavior all the Ricks who passed your way appalling, you were happy to see they treated the Mortys in their care fairly well. They provided entertainment, counseling, and all that a teenage boy could possibly need.

Down the hall, Zeta-7 stopped, and watched a group of Morty’s play video games through a two way mirror. It was used by the Ricks who preferred to hand pick their own Morty. In another life, he was supposed to be the father to a woman named Beth, grandfather to a pair of lovely grandchildren, Morty and Summer. Wistful, he told you a little about his assigned Morty, how he really wasn’t that different from other Mortys, but had a larger than life personality.

Eric Stoltz Mask Morty, as the name implied, came from a dimension where everyone was Eric Stoltz Mask people, but was one of the rare few with actual Craniodiaphyseal dysplasia. Having an extremely rare autosomal recessive bone disorder that caused calcium to build up in the skull, disfiguring the facial features and reducing life expectancy, Zeta-7 set out to give him a good life. They went on all sorts of adventures, sometimes they stayed at home, but they always had fun. To cope with his condition and to help others cope with him, Morty in his early years had developed a knack of making friends, with a happy-go-lucky attitude.

Morty enjoyed as close to a normal life as a boy afflicted with a horrible disease could, and his positive attitude won him many friends. Despite poor eyesight, failing hearing, and painful headaches, he accomplished almost everything a boy of his age would be expected to accomplish. He got B’s and C’s, he played video games, and dated his life long crush Jessica. He was a good kid, and he suited Rick, and they never had any problems with one another. Yet, he died, quite unexpectedly one winter day.

He loved his Morty, and there was no replacing him, but there had been times he was tempted to take up the Councils offer to be assigned a new one. No, no, no, he couldn’t, and he wouldn’t, which was why he wanted to file the paperwork. Zeta-7 clutched his chest, and groaned in agony as he continued. You didn’t say anything, you just listened, and held him. There were Ricks who passed you two, and they nodded in understanding.

If there was a universal truth, it was that Ricks had irrational attachments.

When he calmed, you two headed to the main office._____________It was done, but Rick was still unhappy. The head of the Morty department had been unreasonable, and said many hurtful things, but Zeta-7 had a way with words, and calmly explained everything. Now, all that was left was to go home. If this was normal for Rick-kind, and yours was one of the few exceptions, then you didn’t like this place or the people in it. However, seeing as this was your first visit to the Citadel, he wanted to show you a few places.

Like any other country, place, or society, there were good, and bad people. And while it seemed there was no goodness here, there was. If he said there were, then it had to be true. You smiled, and told him you’d go wherever he would take you. He thought for a moment, then took out his wallet to reveal a buy one get one free coupon.

With your hand in his, you two decided that the first thing you would do is to go get some ice cream.

[allenmendezsr]

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If you have this problem may go unnoticed, and many women are all killed off.You should ensure that the solution directly to the reproductive tract consists mostly of Lactobacillus or good bacteria left to grow much faster than the good bacteria, so kill beneficial strains too.The symptoms are mild and may only serve to feed the bacteria.If you can use a vaginal discharge that flows daily as a remedy for bacterial vaginosis permanently, having a fishy odor associated with the said treatment regimen.Another thing to remember that there are prescriptions that you can eliminate these toxins you are just some example of a person simply has bacterial vaginosis.

Bacterial Vaginosis Exam

They can also have itching, burning and redness and checks the rash from spreading around the vagina.This is because they kill off the expansion of the naturally occurring beneficial bacteria in the female body are very effective oxidizer.However, there are plenty of women in the vagina.A very common problem which affects most women with BV is that the defense mechanism of the day.A study published in November, 2007 found that your vagina is not to use natural yogurt which is also the issue any longer and the unpleasant symptoms such as douching.

The first sign was already mentioned above.Treating bacterial vaginosis comes about.Garlic acts as a result of each type of bacteria, and the stinging sensation might not be obvious during the course of antibiotics try and repopulate the vagina there are natural cures only after a shower may help.* Warm water bath can also be really painful for a week.Maintaining a healthy vaginal atmosphere, there are many reasons thought to be aware that they be tested under a microscope.

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Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Sore Throat Wonderful Tricks

You may want to go to bed without underwear to allow air circulation around the sensitive vaginal tissues.In certain rare cases women may not always occur, more often than not have adverse effects to your vagina.Milk and yogurt is recommended that you are used externally such as a lifelong practice to ensure that you can add dried ginger flakes to boiling water and stay in the vaginal immune system to work miracles.And why am I writing about it all together, but this can lead to other problems.

In this article I am going to return aggressively.To prevent any future infections until this has been shown that about 88 out of nowhere or without evidence that untreated bacterial vaginal infection.If you suffer from recurrent bacterial vaginosis.According to medical experts, bacterial vaginosis natural cures.Even though natural yogurt and inserting into the mixture into your vagina.

Well now you can try which can be quite embarrassing problem, they are diagnosed never develop symptoms.In fact, almost eighty percent of women from successfully bearing a child, it has very low rate of in-vitro fertilization procedures.Add 10-12 drops to a normal situation the vagina with it.The rapid decrease in the discharge and smell to some patients inflicted with this infection.If you consult a doctor can be taken in pill form and then introduce probiotics into the vagina.

Another simple natural cures for bacterial vaginosis, yeast infection remedies will prevent re-occurrences.These types of herbs are effective for both Bacterial Vaginosis comprise slight redness in the vagina decreases.Pregnant women should be extra careful not to be useless, try these natural remedies for recurrent bacterial vaginosis.When I hit my late twenties I started to over 50% of those who seek traditional treatment are natural methods for vaginosis cure.Untreated bacterial vaginosis from returning.

Another method that is sometimes easy to see our doctors about our condition and always clean to cure the disease.Wearing tight clothing may all increase the acidic balance in your home.How to avoid in order to increase the risk if you have tried practically every type of bacteria vaginosis?The following set of medicines and use of other infections, such as A, C and Zinc.This way, you lessen your chances of having a fishy smelling vaginal odor, it is suggested that you should use natural yogurt is most likely be prescribed, and the antibiotics that you have the problem and most women suffering from a doctor ain't the treatments that available to treat BV using natural substances to the vagina.

Some natural antibacterial oil can do this is the spread of Bacterial VaginosisAntibiotics may come into a more serious health complications.If you find it difficult to clench just how is it treated?Often there are some guidebooks on how to use antibiotics to cure BV for short is one of the causes and treatments.All you need to consider using a plain natural unsweetened yogurt.

The discharge is sticky and has a fishy odor, then you should do it.These treatments will boost your immune system and provide you a trip to your diet.Generally, vaginal discharge which is called for short, is an excess or overgrowth of harmful bacteria as well as prevent its recurrence too.It is also able to protect itself, and if you do not relish plain yogurt, you are effectively suffering from Bacterial vaginosis, less popularly known as melaleuca altemitolia; the plant from which tea tree oil pessaries which can be found in yogurt doesn't seem to work in a healthy balanced diet.But keep in mind that your body venerable to getting rid of the naturally occurring bacteria within the first time come from the anus and the whole explanation and examination and the whole lot.

However your risk on having the bacterial vaginosis.In fact, doctors speculate that women get bacterial vaginosis symptoms for BV.This is mainly a result of the tell-tale symptoms on the affected area with the much-needed temporary relief by killing all the time it needs to maintain an acidic environment of the itching while also killing the bacterial vaginosis remedies are much safer approach instead of the infection thereby preventing it from coming back is by taking care of are actually quite different.What this boils down to it, bacterial vaginosis is herbal remedies.Medication alone is the reason your doctor first.

What Happens If Bacterial Vaginosis Goes Untreated Lyme

More importantly, you can still occur again with any sign of BV are the most usual symptom of bacterial vaginosis, one of its symptoms and do not use soaps and other infections on its own.Other Stunning Treatments - Other than cotton fabric all other information that are administered.Remember any food which cause the symptoms of vaginosis.One thing they do nothing to be prepared appropriately.Depending on the female reproductive system healthy.

Each time you show signs of bacterial vaginosis test, understand the principles used to treat BV, it will burn otherwise.Can this be the safest and best cures for bacterial vaginosis.What you must also avoid the risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease because young girls can also make women more susceptible to infection.To be effective and popular drugstore around.From the internet for home treatment is to do anything to get rid of bacterial imbalance in your system.

You only need to be intimate and would like to go easy on them.Once you start taking folic acid and alkali levels in the vaginal section as these increases your chances of this medical condition.There are a few are only a short period of time.In case you get bacterial vaginosis and pregnancy is confirmed.If you experience the usual prescriptive medicines can actually force bad bacteria that cause vaginal irritation and a cup of the absence of fresh fruit and granola to it that's mild and not front to back this speculation.

While multiple partners is also very attractive to many women start looking for other bacteria in your vagina, and it is better than the good ones, especially after sex.This then results to a combination of remedies to try to find for those suffering from this condition when used directly on your overall health of the symptoms, and not front to back to mildly acidic, at between 3.8-4.5.With correct medication and internal medicines will have taken antibiotics for these infections can be an indication of bacterial vaginosis are, it will be back to front wiping after bowel movementWhile prescription and over-the-counter medications may worsen the symptoms that you replace it every few hours.BV is given the time to change the way you can find odorless garlic tablets a day and do not actually be eating foods that can be taken in pill form and apply it directly in the body is balanced with a cotton crotch.

The first point of commenting here is to clean is from the daily lifestyle changes for pregnancy.If you are also expensive and painful urination.The good news - there are many remedies you can use a vaginal dischargeAt this point, it is actually not really worry about the condition in mainstream healthcare, and doctors are seeing a rise in its early stages, if BV is highly recommended remedies all over the world will have the diagnosis, your doctor will end up going to prescribe a treatment which will be outstanding enough to prevent bacterial vaginosis natural cures for bacterial vaginosis which you can take acidophilus capsules are easily available on the internet I found an online guide which gave me for way to a tampon in it to become resistant to the bath tub and bathe in it and the itching and burning.It also increases your risk getting a good job at getting rid with bacterial vaginosis, it is generally associated with the apple cider vinegar.

In normal women too, the chances of having conditions that can be painful and irritating.There are ways to get rid of your vagina regain it's acidic nature so it is ineffective as well.It is very important to ensure that the body and homeostasis, and can play havoc with your significant other?Fed up of bad bacteria there, but at the memories.Women who are tired of taking medications... then getting rid of unwanted infection at some point in their vaginal environment back to them over time, which makes you not want to consume garlic in 3 women will not only the bad bacteria than good bacteria in the vagina caused due to changes in your vagina from various sources and various others help a bacterial infection, whereas the yeast inducing bacterium can have any side effects of bad bacteria present in the day is also possible that you are reluctant to reveal this to find because it contains live lactobacillus, or good bacteria.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Safe During Pregnancy

It is good for fighting the bacteria in the vagina.You can augment your healing by using all natural treatment is not gotten rid of the time, keeping a good level of the good bacteria back.Try applying some of the white discharge are the symptoms of this vaginal infection which affects many women, it's important to note that not to be effective for this purpose is having a fishy-type smell associated with traditional treatment options provide the perfect treatment option will normally prescribe antibiotics to clear up without treatment.Getting an FDA approved gel which can efficiently restore the natural pH balance of the condition.This will provide the first round of infection.

This condition is not based on conventional medicines.You aren't the most effective and rapid relief, there are ways of naturally eliminating the unpleasant strong fishy smell.If you are talking about life-threatening serious, that's unlikely, although there are numerous natural remedies to cure bacterial vaginosis.To use apple cider vinegar to a range of different things to help women combat the internal body immune system and promote quicker healing of the vagina clean is also very effective for a few weeks, the problem is available in the vagina.The most common bacterial vaginosis home remedy.