#but its just funny that half of their population is still gay

[the-artificem]

i just want everyone to know that i still pass by my old school regularly and now they have billboards outside for ads and announcements and stuff and like 60% of the students featured on those billboards are lesbians 😭

A few years ago, when I was still in an all-girls catholic high school, one of my teachers told us in her weekly “it’s just a phase” lectures that lesbian relationships are toxic because unlike a man and a woman, two women understand each other completely, thus, making it harder for one to break up with the other, resulting in them being trapped in a lesbian relationship for the rest of their lives just because they got too cozy with having a partner that supports and cares for them.

Anyway can you imagine being straight and thinking that people understanding their partners needs are toxic im so glad i cant relate

[scariercnidaria]

another kerapin modern au where lapin is a medieval history professor at a uni and keradin is a financial lawyer who took one of his classes because he was interested in the crusades and he needed a history credit 8 years ago. he ended up dropping the class after a semester and a half at his therapist (pastor) (who just so happened to be a friend of the police officer assigned to the case) polite "suggestion" (restraining order threat), after developing a bit of a psychosexual obsession with lapin and doing a little trolling (targetted harrassment/stalking). in the interim keradin got another therapist (real one) (court mandated) and is on mood stabilisers now but still has not stopped seething about professor cadburys evil woke cultural marxist agenda.

lapin in this scenario is living with amethar in theos Eternal Bachelor Pad. he was living with amethar and caramellina (with reduced rent in exchange for tutoring jet and ruby who are probably like 14 in this scenario [so sorry for de aging them all a little bit i know im committing old men yaoi crimes it just makes slightly more sense this way. itd still be like. lapin 56+, keradin 31, amethar 44, theo ~46, caramellina 49]) until The Divorce (over finanicial disputes - amethars business is crumbling and is bringing caramellindas down with it as she just cant keep funnelling profits from her business into amethars in order to keep it afloat any longer; amethars purported unfaithfulness is not really an issue here because um This is just politics).

theo is trying to find an excuse to kick lapin out without making amethar feel worse about the situation but the only thing he has on him is that hes a bitch and smokes weed outside the laundry room sometimes but its been legalised and anyway lapin is never late on rent cause he has like 700 jobs (on top of being a history professor, lapin also has a side hustle leading bdsm/consent workshops at the library and also moonlights as a professional dom at a local sex club) (he also is still tutoring jet and ruby (for money this time) and has a positive relationship with caramellinda (they bitch about amethar) but she wont let him move back in because she "needs space"). theo thinks they have a weird gay thing going on (and hates it) and lapin is aware that theo thinks this and plays into it (because its funny) (and also hates it)

meanwhile in the keradinosphere, he has been consistently working ~60 hour weeks at his one (1) job at the same law firm for the last 5 years with no (0) promotion. his life is literally: work (10 hours), gym (2 hours), commute (2 hours each way), doomscroll on The App (5 hours), sleep (3 hours) every day forever.

on saturdays he works from home and on sundays he has church and then spends 3 hours sitting on a bench at the park "chilling out" (staring into the distance) (he doesnt own any books) before going to his court mandated weekly therapy session. his apartment is a textbook r/malelivingspace populated with an absolutely obscene collection of anime posters, lifting equipment, nerd shit replica medieval weapons or something and also an ever-rotating cast of Windowsill Plants Of The Month because he cant stop accidentally killing them and bursting into tears. his therapist tells him this is progress and that his drywall & security deposit will thank him

at some point some disaster hits keradin or something and they make him take sometime off work, and strangely without spending 10 hours under high stress bullshit every day + some melatonin he is actually for once in his life able to get more than 3 hours of sleep per night. at the same time, keradins The App experience starts being psy-op'ed by a memepage called xXsugarPlvmF4IRY_ who has infiltrated his niche internet tradbulb /fit/ microculture and begun flooding it with """ironic""" grecian gay sex "RETVRN" propaganda. this is a big hit as far as engagement among terminally online perpetually enraged historypilled incel-adjacent men such as keradin, and 6 hours of seething at ancient femboys combined with 8 hours of sleep and his brain unshrivelling somewhat results in him starting to have Gay Sex Dreams, which metastatises into him having Regular Gay Thoughts in the conscious world. he is too mortified to tell his pastor (because it is a liberal church and hes worried hell be supported) so he tells his therapist instead in hopes that they will recommend conversion therapy.

spoiler alert they dont. they encourage him to test the waters at his own pace by passing him a flyer for a consent workshop at the library later in the week in hopes that it will help him Get Comfortable With Sex As A Concept. keradin shoves the flyer in his sock drawer hoping to ignore it but is so haunted that he stays up all night doing some inspired googling and eventually learns about bdsm and is like woah! just like bulbo from my self-flagellation! he tries his best to resist the urge but he cant stop thinking about it and hes found he quite likes getting 8 hours of sleep and this New Stress is compromising that. eventually he looks up the number for a local sex club and books an hour and a half-- the following day, so he doesnt have time to chicken out-- with "father candi" (priest roleplay) ($120 out of pocket) (he tries not to think about having to face his actual pastor after this).

keradin goes there and surprise surprise its lapin.

keradin thinks he seems a little bit familiar but he cant quite put his finger on from where... so he discards the thought, and lapin straight up doesnt recognise him either so it all goes ahead.

lapin asks about boundaries and keradin is like "what are boundaries" so lapin spends the first hour and 15 minutes explaining boundaries and trying to get keradin to come up with something, anything dear bulb please. eventually they settle on a very rudimentary list and lapins like. ok that took ages we have 15 minutes left if you want to try and scene and keradin made it this far he isnt going to leave without at least trying gay sex It Would Kill Him. so they do an incredibly light d/s scene involving a confession booth or something and keradin comes within 2 minutes and then hits lapin with the old "if by my life or death i can protect you i shall". and lapin is like. um ok. thats nice. your time is up tho do u want a warm wet towel and a glass of water. ok. cool (<- his ass is clocking out immediately)

keradin immediately goes home and books another time slot precisely one month to the hour after the last one. during that month he goes back to work, is assigned to do some donkey work noone else wanna do on some fraud investigation around some local failing businesses, replaces his windowsill plant again, spends marginally less time on The App and somehow manages to look his pastor in the eye. he doesnt tell his therapist about the experience but they do ask how the consent workshop went and keradin lies and said it was good it was interesting and they ask like is that it so he badly paraphrases something lapin said about boundaries to get them off his back. they give him a flyer for the next one and keradin still doesnt go.

the month passes and he goes back and has another epic gay sex moment with father candi. and it becomes a regular occurance. every month, on the dot, like clockwork. for a while keradin is fucking crushed under the pressure of trying to come up with a non-gaysex reason for why he has to leave work before 7pm for once every month on the exact same day but nobody actually cares enough to ask him. and hes relaxed. hes not on The App. his windowsill plant lives for 2 months this time. so its just. like. good. its just a good situation.

...maybe too good.

[EXTREMELY LOUD BULBIAN GUILT SFX]

lapin, largely unaware of this, thinks the whole thing is pretty amusing. he knows that keradin works some stuffy office job and has some major religious hangups but he mostly just wants to be beat up a little and then praised and he always walks out 5gorillion % less stressed than he came in and its like ok. lapin can do that. its literally the least weird thing anyones ever asked him to do in a scene. yeah keradin is hot but mostly lapin wants to put him under a microscope and study him like a bug. its like having a favourite customer. he doesnt really think about it outside of when he knows its coming up its literally not that deep.

besides, he has other things to worry about like more pressingly: that amethar is being investigated by the IRS for being bad at running a business and if he goes to prison then theres no way theo will let him keep staying at his flat (the novelty of playing along with theos "weird gay thing" suspicions wore off, like, so fucking quick). he could go stay with his old scene partner "sugar plum mommy" but her whole place looks like serial experiments lain and he will not be able to grade papers over the sound of her bumping grindcore out a subwoofer she stole from a nightclub 4 years ago for 13 hours straight while she joshua citarellas the target audience for europa universalis into getting gayer than they already were.

meanwhile keradin literally cannot stop thinking about hot gay sex gay religious old man sex in your area click here right now and he feels crazy wazy and conflicted and awful about it and on the verge of getting psychosexually obsessed again. he decides to bring it up with his therapist finally because what are they gonna do? court mandate that he gets More Therapy? they end up being like ok yknow what would be really good for this actually is if you Went to the consent workshop ive been telling you about all this time. it would definitely help. its at the library its free. theres one in 30 minutes. ill drive you there (maybe not precisely).

either way. keradin goes. and guess whose fucking running it.

keradin stays but sits in the back and only feels slightly awkward but for once its like. no this is. it would be a good thing if father candi saw that i was here. i am listening and learning.

and he sits there.

in the back of the library.

set out like a lecture hall.

listening and learning.

and it slowly dawns on him exactly why "father candi" seemed so familiar.

[megatownac]

Supertown Popularity Poll Results

So. The polls are over. All 90 of them. You can still find the list here if you want to see the breakdown of each individual poll, but what you need to know is that each islander was pitted against each other islander in every one of the 90 ways that can happen, so each islander showed up in 18 polls. I decided early on that nobody got a point in the event of a tie. Here are the final scores, in order from highest to lowest:

First place: Ankha, with 11 points Second place: Chief, with 10 points Third and fourth place: Dom and Phoebe, with 9 points Fifth and sixth place: Chrissy and Drago, with 8 points Seventh place: Tybalt, with 6 points Eighth and ninth place: Francine and Henry, with 5 points Tenth place: Cally, with 4 points

Out of curiosity, I decided to see what the scores would be if a tie gave a point to each contestant instead of to neither. These were the results:

First place: Chief, 14 points Second place: Ankha, 13 points Third and fourth place: Phoebe and Drago, 12 points Fifth place: Dom, 11 points Sixth and seventh place: Chrissy and Francine, 10 points Eighth and ninth place: Henry and Tybalt, 8 points Tenth place: Cally, 7 points

So the rankings did shuffle around a little bit. Chief, it seems, was in 4 different polls that tied.

Despite what I said in the initial post on the subject, most polls did not end in ties or have zero votes. There were 15 that did. So 75 polls had a clear winner.

I could play around with the numbers even more if I wanted to. For example, what happens if ties gave half a point to each islander? But I won't. I also won't say what the results would have been if I had voted in the polls that ended in a tie. I was tempted. I really, really wanted to vote in some of these, just to do it. Just to let my own opinion influence things. Given how few votes each poll had, I could have really swayed things, I think. That's why I didn't ever vote. I really wanted to know who people liked the most.

And it's Ankha, of course.

Every so often, someone will find my blog through one of its tags and mass like a couple hundred of my posts that feature a certain character. This year, that happened at least three times that I noticed with Ankha. I wound up having to block one person who kept messaging me over and over about Ankha. I've never blocked anyone before this year. It was upsetting. I'm still upset about it. It kind of tarnishes the fact that she won this whole popularity contest for me.

I should be happier about it. This was a grand experiment that lasted nearly eight months, and I saw it through. And I've said before that Ankha is one of my favorite islanders, and that I had her in my Population: Growing game decades (literally, two decades) ago. So I like Ankha. She's a cute little yellow cat with a funny hat. What's not to like about her?

I'm also glad Chief did as well as he did. Chief is new to me. I only had him in this game on a whim: I liked the fact that his design made me think of certain middle-aged gay men I've known who are doing their best to age gracefully but are, undeniably, aging anyway. That's as much thought as I put into it. I'm sad Cally didn't do well. I had Cally early on in my New Leaf days, and I gave her away to someone who promised I'd be able to visit her again someday and then removed their blog from Tumblr and I never saw Cally again. It was sad. I think about that from time to time.

Something a bit similar happened with Henry: I had him in my New Leaf town, and I gave him away to someone whose blog is no longer active and who didn't post about him. Oh well. I didn't mind that as much. I like Henry alright, but he's never been one of my favorites. I'm fine with how badly he did in the polls.

I don't have any big conclusions here. This went, well, it honestly did go better than I expected for it to in a lot of ways. I kept holding out hope that maybe this blog would finally, after about ten years on this site, pick up a few followers and get me over that 1600-follower mark (I've had 1500-something followers for over six years--every time I gain a few followers, I lose a few), but I'm not willing or able to do what it takes to go viral. These are the kinds of posts I make.

I'm very grateful to the followers I have who stick around, liking and occasionally reblogging my stuff on a regular basis.

@vanilla-owns-chocolate @92explorer @zane275 @averygamin2 @schtroumpfalunettes @anch-vaviel @ozai @thebigjawpokemon @pie-bean

Those are in no particular order. I just went to my blog's activity page and scrolled down through a week or two's worth of notes until I saw all the usual folks I remember.

But, even though we don't talk, I appreciate you for being here for so long. It's easy to say that I don't do this for the notes, and I don't, really, but it's nice, you know? To see that there are folks out there who like what I put out there.

I'm going to be honest with you. I've given this a lot of thought. I think it's time I stepped away from Animal Crossing for a while. Focused on other things.

This isn't goodbye. It's just a hiatus. There are a few days of posts left in the queue, and then this blog will go silent, and I'm going to write some kind of actual message a little while after that sorting out my thoughts after ten years and one month of running this blog, which started on September 8, 2013. That's too long. Too, too long to have written anywhere from 4 to 10 posts a day. My activity page says 22,643 before I post this. Probably more than 22,000 of those were original, written by me, that is, not reblogs.

I'll be around. I have a main blog. @ozai has even liked a couple of my posts there, so I'm pretty sure they know about it. It's mentioned at the top of this one, even on mobile. So it's not a secret. It's right there. I write about other things there than Animal Crossing. Lately, it's been mostly about the novel I've spent the last three and a half years working on. I might actually have it done in another two years or so! Won't that be exciting? Then I can shut up about it and start writing about the next one.

I also wrote a few thousand words about Frog, from Chrono Trigger, once. It's not exactly surprising to me that my main blog has never even made it above 70 followers, is my point.

That's enough of this. I'm getting dangerously close to depressing, and I don't want to do that.

Here and now, this experiment, these 90 polls, was a triumph. I stuck with it. Ankha won. Chief came in second. Those are good things. It's good. I'm happy with that. It's the culmination of ten years of work. And it's time for a break.

Have a great day. Please continue doing your best, and I promise that I will, too.

[boy-armageddon]

man could i get like. a crash course on your oc's. i don't know anything about any of them godbless

EEEE YAY OF COURSE!!!! (Insane ramblings about my world and 4 of my characters (technically like 6-7 though I mention some briefly) under the cut)

Okay so quick tldr thing for their world because there’s A Lot: set in a sort of fucked up future Detroit with a lot of pollution with this Alien God Blood/Fuel Substance (aka anti-essence) with a lot of. Basically killing machines of animals created from ingesting it (Reapers) who have changed a lot of how humans live and also the population in general is way down, so most of them live in cities now. Very compact and very low quality of life. The aforementioned Reapers are entities, which are beings created by old gods (aforementioned alien god things. Too much lore to get into but what you need to know is that they do exist and they do cause trouble for people and can possess people sort of. Not Reapers though they’re a weird exception). This is all I should say because Oh My God I run my mouth LOL

Enter my main protagonist freak, Jeong Chin-hae. Investigates entities freelance because of his strong moral convictions with helping people always no matter what it may cost himself or sometimes other people and all, and also partly because he is semi-possessed by an entity! Got nearly beat to death and a Shade (another kind of entity, friendlier than the others and distinctly nautically themed) tried to possess what it thought was his corpse but woopsies! He was still alive so they’re just stuck together LOL. Also other things of note about him: anger issues, autistic (specifically has a lot of sensory issues around being touched and has a special interest in hardcore punk and some of its subgenres. Like me yeah I know LOL), recently moved to futuristic Detroit and is sleeping on his friend’s couch. His friend is Dave btw she’s so cool but not too relevant rn, just know she’s Jeong’s ex (no tension or anything it was just kind of a funny thing and they just realized “oh yeah we’re just friends” and broke it off then) and only friend at this point and also a polyamorous weed dealer to the neighbors (not dating them though, just the weed dealer to them of course)

Speaking of the neighbors!!!!!!!! Cassy (Castillo) Navarro Villanueva :3 one of his mothers is an old god that feeds upon the fear of the afterlife/death and the one who made shades. Cassy specifically feeds more on sleep and has dream related powers, ironic considering he’s an insomniac LOL. Lives next door to Dave and yknow. Buys weed from him. Would have been a film major if he could’ve afforded it and still like constantly watches and talks about films (likes weird artsy bullshit and some stereotypical film bro movies. Wears a fight club shirt a lot but in entity affairs world it’s called Altercation Association). However! He is currently. Um. An organ harvester 😭 long story about that but that whole underbelly of the medical industry was basically his only option as, due to being half old god, he looks. freaky in a few ways (notably the multiple eyes and the hand mouths and other stuff). Very predatory industry stuff blah blah blah so that’s why he’s there. He’s also a cannibal AND in a weird gay relationship with Jeong they are So bad for each other ❤️

Other neighbor who mooches off of Cassy, Homhe! Pronounced like Hawm-hey does that make sense. Too much lore to get into but they’re like 17 year old albino amalgamation dipshit being manipulated by this one old god into doing so many horrible actions. A huge asshole on purpose yet is weirdly protective of Cassy (like the only person who hasn’t gotten fed up with them yet which is why). Technically some sort of entity but moreso a vessel, long story. Because of this, they can sort of leech off of other entity’s power stuff. Like a sponge! Hates Jeong so bad too. It’s a jealousy thing but not romantic jealousy OBVS LOL

Finally, out of my main character. My fave oc ever in the universe… Cecilia Moore!!! Yes Cecilia like Cecilia and the Silhouette Saloon. Constantly wears businessy clothes and has a flat affect and died once. She’s okay now though Cassy’s old god mother, Reorzæk, revived her because she just took a special time interest in her. Of course this is in exchange for being basically her “follower,” or a person (isn’t always a person specifically just any sentient life form) who just does the old god’s bidding, and is specifically assigned to the. Organ harvesting stuff, for the purposes of making more vessels (long story related to Homhe). Cassy’s boss basically. She’s very tired constantly and super overworked but she actually does have a similar music taste to Jeong (if liking more prog stuff than him), so when she has the time she either listens to music or reads (usually random super wordy books for fun.) Jayson’s older sister (not talking about my token cis guy rn because he’s not a main character, but if you want to you can ask more about him), transgender lesbian, generally the goat. To me

There’s more I can talk about obvs because look at how much I’m talking but alas. It would be a millenia to talk about it ALL in one post. Sorry for rambling 😭

[wodenscild]

Yeah I'm in the Netherlands and i have no way of escaping back to the overworld- pun intended

Overall your school system just sounds very complicated and i understuud like half of it, I'm also in a special school that offers thing like pottery, metal forming, art, dance, acting and science! I accualy never visited a different country but the border to Germany is like 500 meters away from where I'm sitting right now so i might just run over the border one day? Idk

Im just gonna tell the good and the bad from here. Kids get teached that bullying is normal, anyone that isn't "normal" or that is a "rebel" (not listening to the bully that hits hardest) it's has gotten so bad that teachers cant stop it. Underdogs only have other underdog friends. One school ussualy has a group of 2-3 underdogs and ofcourse I'm one of them-

This school is different since we get taught that LGBTQIA is normal and its just a way of expressing, there's a lot of "not normal" people, bullies are still a thing. But they go for different things.

Last year i was at a different school where half the class was a bunch of "wierdos" and the other half was bullies, the "wierdos" were accualy nice and one of them, her name is rose, said "these boys are making me a lesbian" Wich i still laugh about even tho it was a year ago so i thought I'd share

My school is in the middle of a forest, there's a duck population, a beaver, some squirrels (i named one spike) and its overall very pretty! Everyone is batshit insane, some in a good way others in a bad way (example: some boy reads like 500 pages a day, a different boy barks at me everytime he sees me for some reason, others make fun of me that I'll drop out because I always draw, other greatly encourage it) we barely get homework and most work we just finish at school

So there is downsides! But also good sides, there's a big group of "wierdos" here with dyed hair, cool clothing styles, a part of the LGBTQIA community, etc etc

I think it's evening for you right now so i hope you sleep well later :)

-Mystery anon

(these asks are getting longer and longer...)

Oooo thank you for the confirmation :0 that will help us figure out who you are KDFKSKD Ig NoSoulPerson is off the hook for now- (also I appreciate the pun!!

That sounds really cool!! Aaaaa so much fun! I wish the schools here had pottery it is just- such a fun medium to work with?? & btw definitely run across the boarder it will be funny- who is gonna stop you?

That is quite interesting- but rather sucky :/ we have more or less a similar issue here. Though groups are not as starkly divided? Like there were definite groups of who went with who (gays with gays, nerds with nerds, artists with artists, jocks with jocks, etc.) but there was also a lot of mixing as well? Like even tho I spent most of my time with the gays, I found myself easily slipping into other groups like the artists, the student council kids, the-more-or-less popular kids, and the… how do I say… politically revolutionary kids? (One kid, Ben, would always go off in economics, history, & English about how he would assassinate our PM, & instil communism- which FAIR- my favourite quote from him was something like “I don’t care who you would do or what your identity is, just so long as you are with me in the revolution” & to this day it makes me chuckle KDKFKSKDKSKD). But there were just certain groups we would stick away from who we would call the bogans- idk how common that term is outside of Australia & I have no idea how to describe it fully T-T but… they are sorta like Aussie rednecks?? Thick as a rock, very homo/transphobic, & quite immature. Other than them tho, bullying wasn’t much of a thing in my cohort- everyone had a sense of empathy enough to let other people live- but I can’t quite say the same for the younger cohorts… my sibling had to switch to online school cos of it :// people can be just absolute pricks it is a wonder to me how anyone could seriously hurt another person.

Overall the LGBTQ+ community here is just- so small… it is really easy to feel isolated in a rural sugar cane town like mine, especially given all my friends moved to the cities XD it makes me wish I had moved down south too- just to be with more people like me- but ehhhh we’ll figure it out eventually ;3 I’ve made it this far with the lil queer people in my phone

Oh on the topic of the area around us! It probably wouldn’t surprise you to hear that we got a lot of dangerous things here 😌 Most notable thing for my slice of hell is that we have one of the highest crocodile population densities in the state! Ofc snakes like browns and red-belly blacks & spiders like red-backs are common here too. My region also has to deal with feral pigs & dogs too which are quite infamous for doing in people. My ex got bitten by a paralysis tick & was put out of commission for a week (which if you ask me, is karma for what he did >:])- & gods those things are common too… & we got some nasty plantlife here too- sure you can stomp hard to scare off snakes & carry a bow for the dogs & pigs, but if you are not wearing long pants you will get stung by a gympie-gympie which can leave you reeling for hours, & if you fall into it you can feel the sting for weeks (some report pain induced insomnia too). We have plovers & magpies that live in fields & trees that WILL attack you if you walk past- we have a jellyfish with 1.5m long tentacles with only a 1cm bell which has been the bane for a fair few people- & don’t get me started on drop bears XD The stereotypes of Australia being dangerous is not always too far off the mark!

& yeah it is the evening for me! I SHOULD consider sleeping soonish- my linguistics final Is tomorrow morning & I should be resting for it. So if I don’t catch your next ask before I sleep, I hope that your day goes well ^~^

- Mesabzu

(& yeeeaaaahhhh XD we can keep going like this or cut them shorter if you prefer :3)

[fellowstrangetownappreciator]

Playing Favorites (part 2)

Here we go again! Another 4 TS2 premades that really strange my town! (I’ll see myself out.) Anyway, I have to preface this with saying that so far I’ve only played the 3 base game hoods and although I really enjoy PV and VV, I added them to Strangetown just recently, so I’m still getting acquainted with their casts. That’s why my Playing Favorites posts are so dominated with desert-dwellers - but I definitely plan on including more non-ST Sims once I got to play with them more!

And I also low-key love everybody in Strangetown.

TOP 15 TS2 Premades (according to my personal tastes somewhere in May 2021) (not in any particular order) (and I can’t guarantee I stop at 15 either)

Tank Grunt (Strangetown)

Yes, I am one of them. I am a Tank Grunt apologist. Brace yourself!

Similarly to the Pleasant twins, I view Tank as a victim of his father (Buzz Grunt, the esteemed Strangetown's Worst Parent Award nominee). Of course, that's not to say he's innocent. He is absolutely guilty of bullying Ripp and Johnny and equally guilty of being a bigot. And, most importantly, totally guilty of casually wearing camo face-paint. (that he canonically gets tatooed on his face down the line, which is... its own kind of tragic.)

But that is exactly why I like him so much!

Let me elaborate.

Tank is a very multilayered character, albeit a bit cliché. He is very artistic a eager to always do his best, whether that is in school or home where he competes for his father's affection and approval. Buzz provides both of that but it always feels conditioned – if Tank was to stop getting A+, stop parroting his opinions, stop working out, stop following in his footsteps, would that go away? Even though the answer depends on your interpretation of Buzz and his levels of horrible, Tank definitely thinks so. Just take a look on how his father treats Ripp!

I read Tank as somebody who believes firmly in order and good but has a very twisted understanding of both given his militaristic and hyper-masculine upbringing. He has an enormous potential for character growth. Can he gain (psychological) independence of his father? Can he follow his dreams and become a dancer? Can he free himself of his father’s biases now that he’s out on his own? Can he mend his relationship with Ripp and Buck? (...or maybe even Johnny?) It makes him so fun to play.

Also, I think that it was indeed very cowardly of the developers not to set his gender preference as gay.

Conclusion: Tank is fun! (Although he would probably resent me for saying that.)

Dina Caliente (Str- wait, Pleasantview)

Finally someone who doesn't live in the desert! Both Nina and Dina are such interesting characters, with their connection to Bella’s disappearance, their alien bloodline and their opposing personalities and ambitions.

I feel like the sisters are often getting unjustly demonized. (or mixed up together, I’m looking at you, TS3 and TS4) They’re young, very attractive and in unconventional relationships, thus often labeled as predatory. They’re not.

Dina is a very nice Sim, with Nice points above the average and many Playful points and she tends to roll wants to start a family by the start of the game, although she is not a Family Sim. She’s actually a Fortune Sim, smart and business-oriented. She’s a widow who wants to remarry and has her sights set on the husband of her missing former sister-in-law.

I know that doesn’t make her sound that nice but there is nuance. First of all, the man in question is Mortimer Goth, well in his twilight years, a father of two, simply an adult. He is not a hapless trophy, the decision to start an affair with Dina not long after his first wife got pronounced missing, is his own. He knows he won’t be here for long and doesn’t want to die alone, he wants someone who can make him feel young again and loved once more. Dina, on the other hand, pursues a shotgun wedding to take an advantage of the Goth fortune that will kickstart her business ventures but she is ready to provide what Mortimer needs. She canonically loves him. (proven by the love flag in her relationship panel)

In my personal gameplay, I had Don take Dina on a date before their marriages to their respective Goths, and Dina kept rolling wants to flirt with Mortimer instead. Later down the line she also helped out the Brokes financially, and after her close friend Brandi died young in childbirth, she took in her youngest children, so that her oldest son Dustin could go to college and not worry what’s gonna become of his younger siblings in his custody while he’s gone. I figured it made sense because of Dina’s Nice points, her relationship with Brandi and her now being partially in charge of so much money it isn’t even funny.

In conclusion: I support and condone Dina! Even if it’s somehow implied that she and her sister might’ve just staged her rival’s alien abduction.

Circe Beaker (Strangetown)

Circe is yet another... unwholesome character on my list. She canonically tortures people, namely Nervous Subject, and her bio eludes to there being more in the past or the future. She's cunning, ambitious and very mean.

But she is also very fun to play! Her aspiration being Fortune (not Knowledge) puts an interesting spin on the whole evil scientist routine. She doesn't do it for the love of discovery like the Curiouses and she doesn't care about credit as her husband does. She's out for power and she may as well get it.

Her rather extreme personality would lead one to think she has to be rather disliked around the town but her default relationship panel says otherwise. She doesn't have any close friendships except her husband, though. That makes me think she is superficially charming and tends to act diplomatic to obtain people's loyalty without necessarily caring about any of them. It makes playing her unique from most other Sims.

She is also canonically bisexual! I personally have a deep appreciation for each and every Sim that Maxis sneakily preset to be LGBTQ+. I may not seem like a big deal now but it is.

Conclusion: "She could gaslight, gatekeep and girlboss me any day.” - half of Strangetown’s population

Lazlo Curious (Strangetown)

Lazlo is a ray of sunshine in the Curious household! A very sloppy ray that makes messes wherever it goes, true, but sunshine nonetheless.

I’m very fond of Lazlo because he’s the type of person that looks like he can barely count to five with his easy-going and messy nature but is in fact very clever and, by some measures, the most competent Curious brother, since he is the youngest and it seems like he’s fresh out of college, yet holds a higher career position than his older brothers. “A smart person that doesn’t necessarily seem smart on the first glance” is a trope I have a big soft spot for. (...and it shows)

In my current gameplay, Lazlo wanted to resurrect Vidcund (who died in childbirth), so he switched from Science to Paranormal to swipe a Resurrect-O-Nomitron and, like the madlad he is, succeeded before their round was over (in a span of few days). It was a combination of dumb luck and him having a compatible degree that gave him a hefty bonus but it still made me realize Lazlo could achieve whatever he sets his sights on.

Luckily, his sights are generally set on pizza and video games.

(relatable)

Anyway, I find Lazlo somehow cute, most probably for his constant and very unfruitful attempts to make Vidcund laugh, and in general, how friendly and easy to get along with he is. While he doesn’t have that many Nice points (5, which is a pretty average number), combined with his playfulness he usually tends to act very amicable.

In conclusion: I simp for Knowledge Sims and it shows.

Ok, I’ll be back with another 4 when my horrible procrastinating gruel of a brain feels like it. See ya!

[letterboxd]

Bridging the Gap.

Filmmaker So Yun Um highlights ten underrated Asian American and Pacific Islander films set against the backdrop of America.

Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month has many film lovers seeking to celebrate Asian American cinema. Beyond Minari, Always Be My Maybe and Crazy Rich Asians, there are dozens of films that depict the Asian American experience. In choosing to focus on ten of the lesser-seen, I contemplated the notion of what defines AAPI cinema.

For me, it goes deeper than films that have been directed by, or star, Asian American and Pacific artists. Having watched a wide selection of Asian American films, I can firmly say our cinema, no matter the genre, puts Asian Americans at the forefront on both sides of the camera. I believe the essence of Asian American cinema was born out of resourcefulness, mining themes and ideas that distinctly bridge the gap between Asian and American culture. These films tell stories that explore the vast differences between the two, and the ways in which they coexist, whether comfortably or uncomfortably.

In selecting these ten underrated AAPI films, I searched deep to find stories with uncompromising vision and character; stories about Asians that could only be told within, and against the backdrop of, America. These ten films highlight intimate, distinct and unfiltered experiences mostly unseen at our local multiplexes: family and cultural obligations, generational and cultural gaps, and raw, mostly obscured views of American life.

Chan is Missing (1982) Directed by Wayne Wang, written by Isaac Cronin and Wayne Wang

There would be no Asian American independent cinema without Wayne Wang’s Chan is Missing. Shot on black-and-white film, this striking noir follows Jo, a San Franciscan cab driver, and his nephew, Steve, as they track down the titular Chan after he disappears with their money. Wang’s unpredictable directing career spans neighborhood intrigues, rom-coms and family movies; alongside which, he has kept a strong focus on Asian American stories (he helmed the adaptation of Amy Tan’s generational bestseller, The Joy Luck Club).

In Chan is Missing, for the first time on screen, we get to finally see an “ABC” (American-Born Chinese) story from the source, with an all-access pass to the often misunderstood terrain and people of Chinatown. It’s the tightness of the plot and the authenticity of its characters that make this movie such a classic. Even after 40 years, Chan Is Missing doesn’t feel dated—its laugh-out-loud dialogue (they actually utter the word “FOB”!) and moody tone capture why Chinatown continues to be an enigma. Spoilers: Chinatown runs by its own rules.

Available on DVD via Indiepix Films.

Better Luck Tomorrow (2002) Directed by Justin Lin, written by Ernesto Foronda, Justin Lin and Fabian Marquez

Justin Lin’s directorial debut film is a visionary portrait of Asian Americans that’s still relevant two decades on. Since its release in the early aughts, there has yet to be a film that explores the nuances and complexities of the average Southern-California Asian American teen like this film does. Better Luck Tomorrow focuses on a group of Asian American overachievers who become bored with their lives and enter a world of petty crime. It’s loosely based on four Sunny Hills High School students and the real-life murder of Stuart Tay, a teenager from the OC.

With its depiction of overachieving A+ students who are also foul-mouthed, drug-taking kids, this film was the launching pad for many iconic Asian American actors today—Sung Kang from the Fast and Furious franchise, John Cho (Star Trek) and my personal favorite, Jason Tobin, star of the Warrior TV series. (It’s entertaining to see the seeds of the Fast and Furious series planted in this film in the character of Han, played by Sung Kang, before the explosion of the franchise: one of the characters mutters, “Rumors about us came and went fast and furious”—and the rest is history.)

Better Luck Tomorrow still stands as the most iconic film to capture the suburban Asian American teen existence in all its good, bad and ugly light. “I was part of a movement,” Tobin recalled in this GQ oral history of the film, “and it was a culmination of all the battles I had fought before that to get Asian faces on the big screen.”

Available to stream and rent on multiple platforms.

The Grace Lee Project (2005) Directed by Grace Lee

If you’re an Asian American who grew up in California or New York, chances are, you know at least two Grace Lees in your life. But growing up in Missouri, Korean American filmmaker Grace Lee was the only one she knew with her name. She soon discovers that with the name comes a certain stereotype, that of the “good” Asian—quiet, well-behaved and a hard worker. Lee goes on a quest to interview a wide range of women who have the same name and soon discover if this wildly common stereotype is true.

Lee’s witty, autobiographical documentary is effortlessly funny and insightful. The Grace Lee Project dives deep into identity politics to reveal that sometimes, a name is simply a name. This was the start of Grace Lee’s journey as a filmmaker and she continues to be an important voice in not just the documentary space but in narrative stories as well.

Streaming on Kanopy.

Saving Face (2004) Written and directed by Alice Wu

Alice Wu’s Saving Face is a timeless queer love story. Produced by none other than Will Smith (yes, that Will Smith), Saving Face follows a Chinese American lesbian woman and her traditional mother (played by Michelle Krusiec and Joan Chen, respectively) as both battle with their reluctance to go against cultural expectations and reveal their secret loves. It’s part family drama, part rom-com, exploring expectations specific to Asian women across generations.

While most Asian American films focus on familial obligations through the point of view of the children of immigrants, Wu’s film considers the conflicts of both daughter and mother. For Asian Americans, it’s a tale as old as time but with a twist that shows that no matter how old you get, you still have to, unfortunately, fight to be who you are. I also highly recommend Wu’s spiritual sequel, The Half of It, on Netflix.

Streaming on Amazon Prime and Tubi, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

In Between Days (‘방황의 날들’, 2007) Directed by So Yong Kim, written by Bradley Rust Gray and So Yong Kim

So Yong Kim’s debut feature, In Between Days, follows Jiseon Kim, a Korean teen immigrant, who falls in love with her best friend while navigating the challenges of living in a new country. Director Kim is a masterful storyteller and captures life as it should be seen: unfiltered and trivial at times, but using the mundane to find cinematic magic.

I like to categorize So Yong Kim’s work as a showcase of extreme intimacy. Her story features painfully delicate characters and moments so real, you’ll wonder how any of these scenes could be fiction. There’s a sense of vulnerability and loneliness that fills the air as Jiseon struggles to assimilate to a new country, replete with toxic relationships, self-sabotage and unrelenting jealousy. So Yong Kim’s work is so painfully real, it hurts to watch.

Available on Kanopy and Amazon.

Ping Pong Playa (2007) Directed by Jessica Yu, written by Jimmy Tsai and Jessica Yu

There are two things that embody countless Asian American men’s experience: their love for basketball, and their love of rap music. Ping Pong Playa covers both, and is exactly the kind of Asian American comedy I’ve been waiting for! Christopher “C-Dub” Wang (played by co-writer Jimmy Tsai) is a wannabe baller and a supreme slacker who has to step up to the plate when his family’s business and ping-pong-champion reputation is on the line. In addition to being centered around an Asian family, the core of the film rivals any other low-brow, underdog sport film.

Laugh-out-loud hilarious, this is Academy-Award-winning filmmaker Jessica Yu’s first narrative feature, following a groundbreaking career full of daring documentaries (her Oscar was for this portrait of writer Mark O’Brien, who spent much of his life in an iron lung). Seeing C-Dub as an NBA-loving slacker turned ping-pong playa felt validating; it showed that even if you’re a lazy and immature Asian, you can always find something to succeed at.

Streaming on Tubi, and for rent on Amazon and iTunes.

In Football We Trust (2015) Directed by Tony Vainuku and Erika Cohn

While Salt Lake City, Utah, is seen as predominantly a white Mormon town, it in fact has the largest population of Pacific Islanders in the US mainland, due to the strength of the The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ proselytizing in the Pacific. The documentary In Football We Trust follows four Polynesian high-school students, as they chase their lifelong dream of attaining professional recruitment. Told in moments of adolescence, the film follows the greatest challenges for these four young men, as they chase their dreams while trying to grow up.

In no time, they’re faced with the harsh reality that just maybe, football isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. As much as their hefty attributes and builds serve as their greatest advantages, these boys’ cultural and familial obligations become both their greatest motivations and, possibly, their downfall. Filmed over the span of four years, first time filmmakers Tony Vainuku and Erika Cohn chronicle the NFL hopefuls as they navigate the pressure to balance dreams and family to win a golden ticket out of gang violence and poverty.

Streaming on Kanopy, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

Spa Night (2016) Written and directed by Andrew Ahn

In his directorial debut, Andrew Ahn perfectly captures a specific corner of Los Angeles’ Koreatown. Spa Night’s focus is David, a closeted Korean American teenager who takes a job at a Korean spa to help his struggling family, and then discovers an underground world of gay sex. You may recognize Joe Seo as the goofy bully in the Netflix hit show Cobra Kai, but it’s Spa Night where you can see him truly shine—he won Sundance’s US Dramatic Special Jury Award for Breakthrough Performance.

Seo delivers a powerfully restrained performance, exploring the burden of hiding your true self from your family. Spa Night is more than a coming out story, it’s also about the broken American dream that so many immigrants experience. Ahn’s direction is finely tuned, honing in on the specificity of Koreatown. It is an acutely queer story of second-gen Asian Americans, where coming out is never really about just you, but also your family.

Streaming on Kanopy, and for rent on various VOD platforms.

Punching at the Sun (2006) Directed by Tanuj Chopra, written by Tanuj Chopra and Hart Eddy

Mameet is young, angry and has always lived in the shadow of his basketball-legend brother, Sanjay. When Sanjay is suddenly killed during a robbery at the family store, Mameet spirals and takes his anger out on anyone and everyone. Coping with loss at a young age is hard enough, but Punching at the Sun mixes in the specific anxieties of being a South-Asian man amidst the backdrop of post-9/11 America. In doing so, the film addresses the difficulty of juggling teenage angst and immigrant identity—Mameet is not afforded the option to express his anger and grief.

Cathartic and emotionally validating, this is a simple yet nuanced slice-of-life story that conveys the heaviness of growing up with the weight of the world on our shoulders. In Mameet’s case, thank goodness, he ultimately shares some of that burden with his comical friends and knit-tight family.

Available to rent on Vimeo.

Meet the Patels (2014) Directed by Ravi Patel and Geeta Patel, written by Ravi Patel, Matthew Hamachek, Billy McMillin, and Geeta Patel

In the romantic documentary Meet the Patels, Ravi Patel is a dutiful first-gen son whose parents are continually nagging him to marry a nice Indian girl. With Ravi's sister Geeta Patel co-directing and co-writing, and his parents in the frame, his film (and true-life story) are indeed a family affair. What starts as his journey to find a wife to make his family happy becomes an enlightening intro to Indian culture and modern love—think dating apps, weddings and a Patel Matrimonial Convention (gotta see it to believe).

Humorous as it is outrageously charming, Meet the Patels ultimately shows the struggles and cultural expectations most immigrant offspring face, on top of the million other obstacles of trying to find your one and only true love in this mad, mad world.

Streaming on various platforms.

Related content

Ten Underrated Asian American & Pacific Islander Films, a Letterboxd list

Best Asian American Films: So Yun Um’s list

Debbie Chang’s comprehensive Asian American film canon list (also features Asian-Canadian, Asian-British and other diaspora)

Bellamy’s list of feature-length films directed by Asian Americans

Follow So on Letterboxd

[angst-king]

Fury of an abused population pt 1

(Trigger warning: mention of  homophobic actions. Also graphic description of cannibalism.)

Shouto  growled as he was running away from home, he had no idea where he was going but he just needed to get away from his ‘father’. He was angry and needed to blow off steam. ‘Stupid fucking heroes thingk they’re so good, tch just pieces of crap just like their followers.’ Shouto thought to himself feeling the bruises on his body bring about painful stings. Endeavour found out Shouto was gay and threw a fit which got physical until shouto chose to go out for a walk again. Walking through the cold night air, the streets are empty and silent for the most part but. There’s a sound of rustling and something snapping as if there were twigs constantly being broken. This drew up the curiosity in Shouto so he followed the sound. Continuing down the side walk the sound grew louder and the sound of heavy breathing and smushing were added.

Finally the sounds were so clear, Todoroki looked to his left a small alleyway that wasn't totally vacant as he could clearly hear the crunching and the concentrated smell of blood. His eyes adjusting to the darkness of the alley, Todoroki could see someone, they were on their knees hunched over something. With the impulse to walk closer, Todoroki stepped on something that crackled alerting the person he was looking at. Piercing emerald eyes turned to the confused male, the eyes began to come closer to Todoroki soon stopping as the entire being became visible. A boy a little smaller than Shouto, freckles upon his slightly paled face that had puddles of blood. Some were fresh, some dried, in his hands was a severed arm still freshly gushing blood. His hands and clothes were drenched with the thick crimson fluid. For some reason the metallic smell of blood and the sight of a severed arm didn’t make Todoroki sick. He was confused and perplexed. “What are you doing?” The voice that answered back didn’t shred away, it was quiet yet audible but only held numbness. “Eating my dinner” The boy said plainly while licking his lips, eyes focused on the taller boy before him. “You eat people?” Todoroki asked, though it didn’t show any disgust or malice.

“Yes, now if you’ll excuse me-” “wait” Todoroki called out as the other began to turn back into the darkness, though the street was dark enough, it still held dim lighting allowing Todoroki to notice the sharp teeth the cannibal adorned. “What?” A green brow raised at the half and half hair colored boy. “Can I watch?” The other noticed the strange fixation Todoroki had, finding it a bit unsettling he wondered if he could scare him off by letting him watch. “Only if you can stomach it” 

Turning back to the alley way, the green male walks into the darkness right up to the limp limbless body. Its extremities scattered about and a large bag, although shouto couldn’t completely see the body he could smell it. The smell was so strong but it didn’t seem to affect him. It didn’t nauseate him. He watched as the body was soon ripped open, innards spilling out for easy reaching. Watching the young male munch on body parts like candy, slurp blood veins like spaghetti as the blood drips down his skilled tongue licks it up.

Packing up all he wanted, only some part remained, Shouto noticed the heart and asked. “Why didn’t you eat the heart?” Sighing, and zipping up the bag, the male stood up and replied. “The heart has a special sack around it called the pericardium and trying to eat through that makes it taste like you’re eating a dick through a condom. Not tasty and i don’t feel like trying to peel it off, besides it still doesn’t taste all that good even without it anyway.” Standing up at full height, the male looks to the taller one with a question of his own once he could fully recognize him. “Hey aren’t you that despicable ‘hero’s’ son Endeavor?” Todoroki rolled his eyes but then nodded. “I hate to admit it but yes, though not really much of a son, just a pawn for his success.” His voice held a mixture of annoyance and disgust. “Honestly I wanna burn him to a crisp and those who condone his vile behavior. Or just fix god awful hero society in general, it makes me fucking sick how many are just abusing their power as heroes.” Scrunching up his nose in repuls, the other fake gags. “Ugh don’t remind me, heroes make me sick, they’re so self righteous and think they’re so good when more than half of them are imbeciles who cause more damage.” A funny mocking voice came from the cannibal who sneered showing off his sharp fangs. Todoroki laughed a little “Damn right man, hey I never got your name?” “oh uh Midoriya Izuku, how about you?” “Todoroki Shouto” Leaning against the wall of the alley Midoriya adjusted his bag of corpse remains. “So Todoroki-kun what are you doing out here anyway, so curious about such a gross being like me?” Midoriya asked, arms folded over his chest as his green eyes looked Todoroki up and down. “Wanted to get away from that man, got fucking pissed after finding out I was gay or some shit.” Midoriya nods before thinking to himself, then chuckling as he asks. “Todoroki-kun, have you ever thought of becoming a villain?” Even though the greenette had chuckled as he spoke, Todoroki could see the seriousness behind those grass green eyes.

[dorizardthewizard]

So I watched the Eurovision movie

Uh, I have a lot of thoughts because this is the closest we’re gonna get to the real thing this year ;^; First, the positives!

What they got right:

Overall, I like that it wasn’t really taking the piss out of the competition – whether you agree or not with how it was portrayed, the creators do have a lot of love for the show and that is reflected in how much it means to the characters. I think it was fitting to start with the kids watching and being inspired by ABBA’s win (I’m always up for showing people where the group’s fame started), and making it their life goal to perform in the contest. Just like Lars and Sigrit, many musicians in Europe grow up with Eurovision being an annual tradition and it’s their big dream to one day perform on that international stage, so yeah I think it decently showed how important ESC is here.

They got the overall vibe right too – most of the songs really felt like Eurovision songs (maybe a little dated but still), from the Viking-Europop opener to the Lordi-aesthetic one to whatever the hell Russia was doing. I don’t think Greece’s song was something they’d ever send though; it fits the character but not what the country typically sends. Then again, Estonia have sent an opera song in Italian and Romania sent yodel rap so actually, I take back that statement. They were missing a Balkan ballad though! Staging was on point – I think it was filmed at the Tel Aviv stage so that’s obviously a factor, but big angel wings and hamster wheels also bring a lot of familiarity :P No pianos being set on fire though, which, in a movie with so many on-stage disasters, is honestly surprising.

Of course there’s also the past contestant cameos, for that I’ll say one thing – needs more Verka. Maybe some contestants from earlier years would have been nice too, at least we did hear Céline Dion’s song in the song-along. Would also have been nice if the whole mashup was Eurovision songs, instead of throwing in some other ones just to make it more recognizable for non-Eurofans. Otherwise, the mashup was really seamless and sounded good.

Another thing the movie got right was European’s attitudes to Americans, not sure how I feel about it since the movie was made by Americans, but it’s self-aware and pretty funny :P There’s also the funny gag about countries not wanting to host because of how expensive it is, not sure why a guy working for the national broadcaster would care about that but looking at Iceland’s population size, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also an economist for the government or something.

What they got wrong:

Of course, there were some things they didn’t quite get right. First of all, did the UK win for it to be hosted in Scotland??? Unless Australia won, or some other country that didn’t want to host or something. They actually made a joke about UK getting zero points, but they said it’s because no one likes us, when in reality we just send the blandest songs :/

There were also a whole lot of technical inaccuracies like Sweden breaking the rule on number of people allowed on stage, big five countries taking part in the semi-final (come on, how can you not get that right? Maybe they were afraid Americans wouldn’t recognise half the flags? :P), the contestants were just sitting by themselves in some room like it’s The Voice or something, their delegations nowhere to be seen, and then there’s the total lack of security or planning around the competition, with Lars just running around doing whatever. The countries presenting their votes in the semi-final stood out as well, but since we didn’t get to see the final I can brush over it, just so we experience the voting somewhere in the movie. Wonder why they didn’t use past contestants for the points announcements? They also had the French one speaking in English but you know what, they remembered to make sure he was standing in front of the Eiffel Tower so I’ll let them off :P

One thing that did bother me was how hard the movie tried to make us think the Icelandic song was a failure, except the song wasn’t even bad so they had to resort to all the incidents on stage. They even had that complete silence after the hamster wheel incident, and there is NO WAY that would ever happen – even the null points songs get cheers! In fact, people would cheer harder, and I don’t think Graham Norton, or anyone for that matter, would be that surprised that people remembered the song and actually gave it points (oh yeah, great to see him in this!).

Okay, some of those inaccuracies were nitpicks, but they’re just fun to point out. I don’t think they quite nailed the portrayal though, but more on that later.

The movie itself:

Judging the rest of the film, the humour really didn’t do it for me- it was just kind of jarring that one half of the movie felt like your usual light-hearted music contest film that was fairly rooted in reality, then the next there’s a dismembered ghost of Demi Lovato and a guy getting stabbed by Elves??? I know it’s classic Will Ferrel random comedy but honestly, those parts could have been cut out of the movie just fine, it’s like half an hour too long anyway and you can tell by the way the humour drags. It can basically be summarised by the ending scene where Lars is yelling at the Americans and then just keeps going, and I know that’s the joke in that scene but they do this throughout the whole movie – something will happen and the characters will keep reacting back and forth and it’s honestly exhausting. That might just be me though, maybe I’d prefer more witty and self-aware humour in a Eurovision movie but I guess non-fans wouldn’t get half the jokes so they went for over-the-top ridiculousness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for the characters, Sigrit was great; she’s a good mix between cute and weird. Lars is… annoying tbh, maybe I just don’t care for Will Ferrel's character type but when Alexander asks Lars what he can possibly offer Sigrit I was like “yeah Lars, what CAN you offer?”. Their relationship was cute though and his arc about caring too much about winning was decent, it does kind of resonate with Eurovision because yeah, lots of countries will revamp their songs to have English lyrics and the style is increasingly converging to Americanized radio-friendly pop music. I do wish they’d focused more on this conflict, rather than bringing in a love square (?) with Alexander and Mita.

Speaking of Alexander, I actually liked how they portrayed the Russian character; he wasn’t a villain, he was fun to watch and was genuinely happy to see Sigrit succeed. I did not expect them to go there with the whole “there are no gays in Russia” thing – I laughed but also actually felt for the guy, and his friendship with Mita was peak mlm/wlw solidarity, it was sweet.

The ending:

For me, this is where it goes American Hollywood style and kinda reminds me of Madonna’s speech about everyone being winners. Felt like I was watching Camp Rock for a second then (which is funny since Demi is in this movie) – all the other acts are fun songs but we’ll just change ours to a ballad so it must be more heartfelt and resonate with the audience, as if a good chunk of ESC songs aren’t ballads already!! To be fair, they do well in having it be a personal song about her hometown and adding in parts in Icelandic (although I’ve heard it’s so butchered you can’t understand what’s being said), it’s a sweet ode to one of the best parts of Eurovision – celebrating where you’re from and making your country proud.

Wish they’d focused more on that tbh, we really could have done without Lars speaking to the audience – that’s the more Hollywood moment for me and kind of reminds me of acts that try to connect with the audience like it’s a concert. Sorry but we don’t do that here :P Instead of the “music is feeling”-like message, it would have been nice if the movie was more directed towards celebrating why the contest is so big and important even decades after it began, and how it literally brings an entire continent together for one night. This would have been nice especially because of all the cynicism towards ESC and its dismissal as just a dumb, campy event with no quality music whatsoever.

Huh, I just remembered there are no live instruments at Eurovision so how everyone can hear the piano at the end is beyond me, also the instrumental kicks in despite the fact that that song has never been recorded in a studio, let alone able to be played out loud onstage. But I’ll just imagine that’s for us to see, the audience actually just heard her singing and nothing else. I don’t think it would have been that impressive, so Iceland probably won everyone’s hearts through memes instead :’D

Overall, I don’t think the movie was terribly offensive or anything, just some silly fun that missed out on the potential of better portraying the Eurovision spirit. I might eventually watch it again, but with skipping out half the comedy :P

[holly-mckenzie]

bitch! since no one asked you, I'll ask you myself! What is happening to your version of Sana, Noora, and whoever else you have done an absurd amount of research + written an entire essay about

wow its almost like I sent this message to myself! thanks “anon”

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking... Erica, how are you going to tell your version of Sana in an Indian, Malaysian, and Turkish context (especially because all of ‘em countries either are Muslim Nations or have a Muslim community...) to which I say: BEHOLD! 

9. Introduce us to your version of Sana

GERAM (SKAM Malaysia) : Kalifa Ahmed (name subject to change)

So, here’s the thing... Making Geram!Sana Malaysian makes absolutely no sense, especially because of the overall Muslim population. So I figure that there are three versions to do it 1) make her of another faith (which is tricky), 2) Make her not be Muslim enough, (she doesn’t wear her Hijab, interacts with dogs, has gay friends etc...) 3) or three which is the option I will be going with.

Kalifa Ahmed is a Somali-Malaysian (I haven’t decided if I want to make her half-Malay, half-Somali, or a Somalian who has emigrated to Malaysia). Kalifa, much like Sana is super close to her family, especially her mother. Kalifa enjoys playing the football/soccer and is the member of the group that says it as it is (think SKAM NL Imaan). She’s a bit rough around the edges from all of the things she has faced in life, however, she is super sarcastic and funny. She is super independent, so a thing that I want her season to focus on is her friends realising that she is more than the “strong-Black-woman” and does need help. 

Kalifa constantly feels ostracised from the Malaysian population, due to the large anti-Black sentiment that is rampant in Malaysian. Thus, as a product, Kalifa is very close to her family, due to all the racism that they face on a daily basis. This includes ”racial preferencing” when it comes to apartment hunting, to people avoiding them in public, and constantly hearing racist comments made towards them. 

Before the show starts, Kalifa had a close friend in the character of Jamila. Jamila would probably either be a character that Kalifa met in the apartment that she lives in or to the refugee school that she went too (in Malaysia refugees aren’t allowed to attend national schools and must attend refugee schools). They became fast friends, bonding over their shared experiences of facing racism on a daily basis. However, Jamila feels betrayed by Kalifa for “leaving” her to become friends with the Girl Gang. Jamilla is incredibly hurt by it, especially because Jamilla thinks that Kalifa lets GERAM!Vilde gets away with being casually racist. However, Kalifa, feels pressure because though she does speak out about the racism she faces, she knows that she could face backlash for it. Especially since if you are a foreign worker in Malaysia, you can face deportation for speaking about the injustice. This is one of the reasons that both Kalifa and Jamila don’t like  Geram!Vilde, because Kalifa feels like the prejudice that Geram!Vilde has, goes against their shared Islamic faith. 

An aspect of this that I would really want to touch on is the fact that Kalifa doesn’t face the same sort of “tension” that og Sana faces between having to choose between the secular world and Islam (because that makes no sense in Malaysia. Also, I thought the love triangle was stupid, so it won’t be happening.). Instead, Kalifa is torn because, she feels finally “settled” in Malaysia, however, her family, in particular, her brother, wants to go back/seek refugee status somewhere else (This is my version of the Sana-Yusaf-Noora love triangle). However, this all comes to head when her brother is attacked when he is going to the Mosque (which will replace the whole Elias punching Isak plot). With this we will see, just how ingrained into Malaysian culture anti-Black sentiment is. This will end, with her parents deciding, really deciding to seek refugee status somewhere else (which will replace the Yusaf leaving plot). 

* tw for the season : pain/angst, racism, hate crimes, Islamaphobia

** additional notes: Kalifa is probably really close to Nor (my version of Noora) and they are super cute (e.g. - they fix each other’s Hijab and stuff... it’s ducking adorable). Also, the show will focus on Ramadan (though that’s boring I know)... However, instead of having Kalifa invite the girls to Hari Raya, Nor’s family invites Kalifa’s to their house. (You get the idea that because Kalifa’s family is so ostracised from the community, that this act is super important because they are finally being invited in... Also, Nor’s mom tries to cook Somali food and it's hella cute). Lastly, Geram!Yusaf, is a Sabahan Muslim. He volunteers at the refugee school that I mentioned earlier (hence his whole being good with kids thing). He is also lowkey an activist and is thus, really educated in racism and stuff. One of the reasons that Kalifa falls for him, is because he doesn’t put up with the casual jokes by his friends, and instead corrects them. 

Okay, so I haven’t actually thoroughly throughout the rest of my Sana’s... Partially, because I’m not well educated on the countries/religions etc. So here’s a brief summary:

Mó Bafão (SKAM Brasil): Monica (name subject to change)

Monica is a young Afro-Brasileira (Afro-Brasilian) woman. Monica practices the religion Candomblé, and thus faces a lot of prejudice from her peers for firstly, being Black (because racism and against Black people is a thing in Brasil, regardless of what Josh Boone may think). However, the other prejudice comes from the facts that her peers are mostly Christian and Catholic and see Candomblé as a heathen religion. Thus, due to that belief, many of her peers have grown up learning to avoid signs of the Candomblé faith (e.g. - orange coloured strips of fabric near a tree, or a specific arrangement of "ingredients" or tools). Much like Sana, Monica feels torn between two worlds. However, unlike Sana what it really comes down to is colonialism. Monica has really seen how the Christian/Catholic faith has affected Brasilian society, and how Brasil is still very much facing the consequences of colonialism (the post-colonial hangover is a real thing guys). 

SKAM TURKÏYE : Sera

Sera is Turkish-Armenian. Sera comes from a family where her family is super supportive of all of her dreams and goals. She is the mom friend of the group and constantly wants to care for everyone. She is Armenian and thus the prejudice that she faces is largely tied to the denial and recognition of the Armenian genocide by her peers and schools. Due to this, Sera is very much an advocate for the rights of Armenians, as well as Kurds and Jews. She faces a lot of backlash from her fellow peers who would rather keep the status-quo and not believe that there is something wrong about the world. Much of the season will discuss what it would mean for Sera to live in a modern Turkey and whether that would mean assimilate to the culture or to stand up for her people and her beliefs. Also, I just think it would be neat if we made Turkïye!Yusaf Kurdish. 

7. Introduce us to your version of Noora

Mó Bafão (SKAM Brasil): Grace Lee

At the start of the show, (Marie Vitória Silva’s (Mó Bafão!Eva) season), Grace Lee is a new student at their school. Grace is  Korean-Brasilian, and though her parents offered to send her to Col��gio Polilogos (a South Korean international school in São Paulo), she chose to go to the school that she currently goes too, where she meets the Girl Gang. Grace is a super interesting character because though she grew up in Brasil, she also lived in Korea and the States, before moving back to São Paulo. Thus, Grace has curated her own cultural experience, which accounts for the fact that she doesn’t drink, smoke, party, have a boyfriend, or subscribe to traditional beauty standards. Grace would probably be considered fat/thick by most Asian (and Brasilian) standards. She is also quite tall for an Asian and doesn’t have the fair skin that is associated with Asian beauty standards. Grace kinds walks to the beat of her own drum, and because of that, Marie really admires Grace, which is one of the reasons for their tight bond. However, Mó Bafão!Vilde discounts this, believing that Grace’s decision to not drink, have sex, or conform to the standard of beauty is due to the conservative Korean culture or Grace’s family’s religious values. I think an important aspect of Grace’s character that I would like to point out is the place of privilege that Grace has, because she grew up over-seas she hasn’t had the same societal pressures in regards to beauty, partying, or sex that the rest of the girls have had, allowing her to be the character that stands up against it. Grace also is a total foodie and her Insta posts are entirely made up food. She also, posts these really cute Meokbang’s where she and one of her friends go out and try different foods in São Paulo. 

Okay, so here’s where he run into a lot of trouble. Because, I hate the whole Magnusson brothers plot in the original show, and I much prefer what eskam did in that regards. However, I also know for fact that Brasil has a huge sexual violence problem, so... I feel like, I would *really* need to be *way* more educated to be able to tell a beautiful and honest storyline that deals into ideas of consent and what not in the Brasilian context, and I am just not there yet?

* tw for the season : sexual violence + slut shaming + fat shaming ** additional notes : Okay, so I would really enjoy is Grace lived at home with her family and you get to see her interacting with her family. In that scenerio, the Mó Bafão!Eskild would probably be a family member/family friend that lives with them. However, another option would be to make Grace be living in a homestay situation with Mó Bafão!Eskild being the host of the homestay. Another aspect that we could potentially go into is intimate partner violence, with Mó Bafão!Miquel being this super charasmatic dude, who buys Grace clothes to wear that she doesn’t like (they are tight + bright colours she doesn’t like) and encouraging her to diet, all the while talking about how much he likes her for not being like the other Brasilian girls. Mó Bafão!Mique would totally have a TikTok account where he would post one of those TikTok “pranks” that’s straight up emotional abuse. This is sees through Grace’s socials because she stops posting her foodie content and Meokbangs. However, the last social you see from Grace (at the end of her season) is a tiny Meokbang again (maybe with Mó Bafão!Alejandro).  

SKAM India : Nana

Nana’s is from Nagaland, though her family has been staying overseas and have just moved to Bangalore. Nana is super close with her family, especially her father, who is her number one supporter. Nana’s family knows one of Anjali (my version of Eva) extended family. Nana and Anjali are really close. To some degree, Nana’s peers are a bit taken aback by her because she’s from the Nagaland, and there are some misconceptions about whether she is actually Indian. Nana is super smart and a bit of a know it all, which gets her in a lot of trouble at school. She is also super hardworking and lowkey the mom-friend of the group and just wants everyone to be okay. Due to this, she always wants people to be comfortable and treats them with kindness (which is great when it comes to India!Isak, but not when it comes to Kabir (India!Miquel).

So, I don’t know if you have already picked this up, but I am a huge fan of the way that eskam dealt with the Magnusson brother plot and the Miquel vs. Alejandro plot... And obviously, India has a huge issue with romanticising toxic relationships(looks pointedly at Arjun Reddy) and sexual violence.

So, that being said, in the first season we get an introduction to Kabir (my version of Miquel), who is this Delhi boy. He is a shameless flirt and flirts with everyone until he meets Nana. When she doesn’t reciprocate his affections, he focuses all of his attention on winning her over. For the first season, we see scenes of Nana and Kabir talking and it is all framed as harmless and funny, with them having a back and forth about how she doesn’t want to date him. We see, how annoyed she is by his advances, but it is pictured as almost romantical. However, when we delve into her season, we really see into just how much Kabir’s advances affect her, especially because she (though she is friendly with him) doesn’t want his advances, and he keeps playing it off as her “playing hard to get.” Due, to this, he continues to push Nana, whether it is to touch her against her will (hug her, attempt to play footsie with her, touch her face) or insert himself into her life (introduce himself to her family). Due to all of that, plus the fact that Kabir comes from a good family, Nana’s family and friends think 1) she is pretending to hate him (because she actually likes him) so they discount her words and 2) she is making a big deal because nothing actually happened (he didn’t actually “touch”/r*pe her). However, with the encouragement of her friends, India!Alejandro (if he exists) and her grandparents, she is able to stand up against Kabir and pushes him away.  

* tw for the season : sexual harassment + victim blaming ** additional notes : Okay, so in the scenario where we establish India!Alejandro, I thought it would be *really* fun to kinda do a flip on what eskam established. Instead, of establishing Alejandro in the first season, and introducing Miquel later. We establish Kabir in Season 1 where we see their “love” unfold and what not... Then we see India!Alejandro in her season... And he is just so much of the opposite of Kabir, he is patient, and is always waiting for her to make the first move. They, also have a fun back and forth (that’s very reminiscent of the Pakistani film Cake), and when she tells the “Girl Gang” and India!Alejandro about Kabir, he immediately believes her and wants to help in any way (get in contact with his family friend in order to press charges). 

GERAM (SKAM Malaysia) : Nor 

Nor is Malay-Muslim, and would probably be what my Aunt would call a Modern Day Muslim, and what the government of Malaysia would call heretical. Nor, doesn’t always wear her hijab (only when she wants too), but is deeply religious and goes to the Mosque and prays and what not. She also helps out in the animal shelter with dogs (’causing a lot of her friends and family to believe that she is un-Islamic). She is a total activist and is constantly talking about the evils of conversion therapy (a thing that can be forced on gay Muslim folks in Malaysia), the treatment of Orang Asli, foreign immigrants, and the Indian community in Malaysia. At the start of the season, Nor has just moved back from New Zealand, which has created a lot of hub-bub in her friend group because they see her as totally fancy and such. Nor, is really close with her family, who she lives with. Nor and her mom were especially close when Nor was younger, but because of Nor going through the classic teenage drama stuff, their relationship is not as tight as it could be. Nor’s cousin (who is an out and proud gay man) and Nor’s maid combined become Geram!Eskild. Nor, kinda has that rich popular girl thing going for her (think the energy and vibes that Tina has in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai). She is kinda outspoken, which causes her a bit of drama because she sometimes (all the time) says things that get her into trouble. In Geram, I won’t be playing around. Nor, is constantly being harassed by this boy. To the point where it gets really depressed and causes her to lock herself in her room. Her maid Geram!Eskild, finds out about the assualt and tells Nor’s mother. Nor’s mom, finds out and presses charges against Geram!William.

* tw for the season : sexual harassment + victim blaming

** additional notes : Okay, so I have two things to say. I know that most versions of Noora focus on the fact that she doesn’t want to have sex/drink. However, I’m going to subvert that by having her not do that, but instead being such an activist and being willing to talk about “controversial” things thus causing people to give her the label of un-Islamic and slightly heretical. Additionally, victim-blaming is going to be a huge focus this season, with randoms blaming the assault on the fact that Nor doesn’t always wear the hijab + wears that red lipstick, or the idea that she its punishment because of her views. I also, know that most seasons focus on Noora dealing with her issues by herself... however, I really want Nor to have to lean on her family in this time. Lastly, I would probably combine both Magnusson brothers into one person, and have them be Eurasian, making all the girls want him (because of that white-worshipping). Additionally, because he is a rich he tells everyone that Nor wanted it, and frames it as her asking for it. However, everyone that is important in Nor’s life believes her and knows that he is an idiot (even as he posts defamatory things about her on the socials).

[reversemoon255]

Fifth Review: Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger

Controversial take: I think this is a good series. Not the best, but certainly not bad. And there are some people who read that and question what I'm talking about because they either love the series or think it's terrible. Well, for the first half of this series' run, most of the people I talked to did not like this series, to the point that I stopped talking to people about it. Now, I didn't stop because I thought their opinions were invalid, or because I was mad, but because hearing all that criticism was negatively impacting my opinions. I'd come off episodes feeling good, listen to what other people were saying, and suddenly my opinion would lessen. Ryusoulger does have some issues, but I feel like they were ballooned out of proportion to the point that the shadow they cast prevented people from seeing some very positive things this series had to offer.

The Good: This is a very trope heavy series, with both the goods and bads that come with that. And that does make sense, as this series was supposed to be a ratings grab season to bring in new fans. I know we all enjoy when Sentai breaks its standard tropes, but you have to establish what your tropes are before you can break them. And this checks all the boxes: having Red and the sixth getting the most focus, Red getting power-ups, big robot combinations, (Dino Sentai specific) having an important character die. It doesn't stray very far from the typical formula. But that's ok. Part of the reason we like Sentai is because we like the tropes, and to criticize the series for sticking to its foundation means you have an issue with Sentai as a whole, not Ryusoulger.

The series itself was also structured to help draw in new fans, which seemed to rub some people the wrong way. Episode one was extremely bombastic, with a few decent humorous and dramatic moments, and some over the top fighting. Following that, the first half plus of the show was very episodic, with not a lot of connecting elements. This was probably done to not alienate new viewers and make it feel like they could come in at any episode without missing much. The second half of the show had more connecting plots, like Gaisorg, Pricious, and Heras, to reward people who had stuck with the show and raise the stakes moving into the final acts. While I do prefer more threads and build-up, especially early on, I can appreciate what the writers were trying to do.

And Ryusoulger had a decent cast, if a little underdeveloped because of the aforementioned Red/Six trope. I'm not a big fan of Koh. He's fine when it comes to the goofier episodes, but he was hard to take seriously. Still like him more than Daigo. Melto felt like he might make a better Red, as he was a serious character whose nature easily lead him to being the butt of a joke. His relationship with Oto was actually cute and funny. I normally don't like the "legal loli" trope, but as everyone was far older than they appeared it helped to underplay that issue for me. Asuna had a lot of good moments throughout the season (being the first Pink since TimePink to defeat an enemy general) and had a great actress, but suffers from being the only female Ranger. In my opinion it's always better to write at least two female Rangers since it forces the writers to give them distinct personalities. When you only have one, like in Asuna's case, you normally end up with "girl in a boys show." Yes, she has quirks, like a bottomless stomach and super strength, but quirks a personality does not make. Towa is probably the least developed character, but felt like he had a lot more planned for him (like how he was able to summon Haya Soul's power without a RyuSoul in the final episode). Bamba is a darling, and I love him. The episode where we meet his ex-girlfriend says it all: a tough but kind man who has become better through his interactions with the other Ryusoulgers. I also don't like Canalo that much. His personality feels very responsive to the fact that Toei seems to be trying to subtly push having kids as a good thing to help with Japan's population crisis (which is much more evident in Precure if you pay attention to the fairy designs in recent years), and the fact that said higher-ups seemed to force retconned straight relationships on possibly gay characters over the last three season (which I think is more to do with the population agenda than anything else as Chocolate Macaroons is very much a canon thing). It just feels like he was written that way as a jab from the writers at the Toei big wigs (meaning he's purposefully annoying).

The design work in this series is also excellent. While I would have liked a little more armor on the main costumes, like shoulder pads, the armor given by the RyuSouls was nice, the villain and monster designs were great (as were their personalities, I just don't want to make this longer than need be), and the Megazords had much sleeker designs that allowed for a lot more movement (which seems to be carrying over to Kiramager). I also love the designs of the Kishiryu. Giving them a fossilized look helps set them apart from the dinosaurs that have preceded them, as well as helps with the ever shifting issues of how much feathering any particular species had. They also get huge credit from me as a toy guy for the amount of interplay and non-robot combining present within them. SpinoThunder, Pteramigo, CosmoRaptor, there were a lot of Kishiryu that could combine into other dinosaurs.

Episode to episode, as that's how most of the show was, was hit or miss. I typically loved anything that heavily features Tyramigo (as he was also a great character). Thankfully nothing was as bad as Pitch Cock from Lupin. As for ongoing plots, the Gaisorg plot had a few hiccups, but lead to a good death scene, a cool looking power-up, and some lasting impact on Koh. Pricious, after s/he showed up, easily demonstrated themself as a force to be reckoned with, and the pressure s/he put on the other generals lead to some great moments from the villain cast. The Heras plot had some neat twists to it, but I wish the ending resolved with Heras admitting that she was wrong before her death (since the current generation had overcome the long-standing feud between the two RyuSoul Tribes and had shown willingness to work with the Druidons, both things she criticized them for).

The last thing I'll go into is themes, as Life and Death were two very prevalent themes that were the focus of some of the best episodes. They went full ham on the downsides of the extended life of the RyuSoul Tribe, such as the episode where we meet Bamba's 60-70 year-old ex-girlfriend or the episode where another member of the Tribe wants to commit suicide because she's outlived too many people she's loved. The episodes with Shine and ShadowRaptor were probably my favorite, particularly the parts with Ui and her mom. It felt like a better version of what they tried to do with Kotaro in Kyuranger (which was, coincidentally, my favorite episode of that season).

The Bad: I already brought up a few issues. Focusing on Koh and Canalo isn't bad, but focusing on them too much negatively impacted everyone else's development until the last 10ish episodes of the show. Bamba got a decent amount because he had a backstory, but Towa got almost none and Asuna got little outside "team's girl." Going into power-ups, that is again not inherently a bad thing, but how you use them can be. This was a big issue I had with Lupinranger, as that series focused on two teams, but one of them stopped getting power-ups half-way through the show. Power-ups can be a physical representation of a character's growth, and if only Koh is getting them that means only he is growing. Bamba, Asuna, and Melto all eventually got to use one, but Towa wasn't seen using one until the second-to-last episode.

The Kishiryu are an offshoot of this problem. Koh essentially owns every Kishiryu outside the ones everyone started with. Furthermore, the Kishiryu were designed to be modular, but that was severely underutilized. There were no interesting combinations after they gained access to Five Knights outside of the final episode. Kishiryu-Oh's ability to move his parts around for specific attacks isn't seen outside the first few episodes. There was so much more they could do that they didn't. And I understand that part of that is costume design and budget, but you shouldn't bring forth that idea of modularity if you're not going to use it.

Then there's the aforementioned death scene, which, while I like it, highlights some of the issues with pushing all your plot threads to the end of the show. There were some writing hiccups involving Gaisorg and his relationship with the Druidons. In the death scene itself, it happens the episode immediately after they break the curse of the Gaisorg armor. There is no time to build up Nada's relationships, how grateful he is, how his dynamic might shake up Koh's with Melto or Bamba or Canalo; he's gone before any of that. And it's by a one-off villain. What should have happened, in my opinion, is Nada should have lived through that fight, proven his worth to the team, and then in the following episode died to Pricious. It would still be quick, but it would increased Pricious' threat level, given Nada more time with the team, and might have helped how they tried to nerf Max RyuSoul the episode after it premiered.

Overall, Ryusoulger is a popcorn series; one that is easy to pick up and watch, but isn't something that will blow your mind and you'll be talking about for years to come. It's a good show that is hampered by some sizable issues, but those issues serve as a benefit for the series as a whole and aim to keep it on the air for years to come. If we have to sit through a Ryusoulger every couple of years, I don't have a problem with that. It's not the best, but I still had fun.

[ubourgeois]

Best Films of 2019: Honorable Mentions

Is Tumblr even the best platform for this anymore, in 2020? Not sure, but it’s habit now.

I’ve got my top 50 tallied up and you can find that here. In the meantime, here’s some films that didn’t make the final cut but that I figured deserved a shoutout regardless. Check it out:

Aquarela dir. Viktor Kossakovsky

Few films are so simple in concept but so overwhelming in execution. Aquarela sets out to be nothing more or less than a documentary about water, at its most dangerous and awe-inspiring: crashing waves, frozen lakes, and gigantic cliffs of ice are presented without commentary or artifice, letting the images speak for themselves with the occasional help of a harsh metal soundtrack. A kind of pure cinema experiment in gorgeously captured natural imagery (in 96 fps to boot!) that is reverent to the power of water almost to the point of fear. It might be said that the potential outstrips the product here - it’s slow, not totally audience friendly, and some sequences are more mundane than others - but when that combination of sound, image, and scale hits it really hits.

Buoyancy dir. Rodd Rathjen

A Cambodian boy, eager to find work, gets scammed into slave labor on a Thai fishing boat, under the leadership of a sadistic captain. Apparently meant as a sort of awareness-raising project on abusive labor practices in Thailand, this Australian production ends up more memorable as a taut and empathetic thriller. More than anything a triumph of casting - amateur actors Sarm Heng and Thanawut Kasro are captivating as the boy and his captain, and lend a great deal of credibility to the single-boat potboiler premise with their surprising chemistry. It’s a modestly-scaled affair and in some ways obviously a first feature, but the commitment to mood and setting make this worth seeking out (even if the humanitarian angle gets a bit lost in the shuffle).

Ford v Ferrari dir. James Mangold

Dad Movie material of the highest caliber. Commits the sin of dragging itself out over the more mundane parts of the story (the will-he-or-won’t-he between Miles and Shelby is almost entirely not worth the time), but wins you back with engagingly muscular racing sequences that dominate much of its second half. Bale and Damon are their reliable selves as the lead duo, and there’s some charming support work from Tracy Letts, Josh Lucas, and Ray McKinnon that lets the setup go down smoothly. A well-executed but bloated film, essentially, but at least one that delivers where it counts. It’s good enough that the idea of a just slightly better version is especially tantalizing. Perhaps with a different director... Michael Mann, say?

Kumbalangi Nights dir. Madhu C. Narayanan

Hands down the best-looking Indian film I saw this year, and probably one of the best soundtracks from anywhere. Ultimately a very sweet family drama about four brothers navigating a non-traditional family unit, full of sweet moments and charming performances. The most memorable element of the film, however, is Fahadh Faasil’s turn as the bushy-mustached antagonist, the overbearing brother-in-law who manages to be both cartoonish and genuinely menacing. Faasil ends up providing the film with a weird energy throughout, and facilitates one of the most breakneck genre switch-ups I’ve ever seen in the last half hour(!) of the film, which I still can’t decide is genius or simply derailing. A very curious movie that I’m still not sure what to do with months later.

The Lighthouse dir. Robert Eggers

More stylistically ambitious than The Witch, but trades in that film’s relative narrative and thematic clarity for something a little harder to grasp. Mostly a good trade, I think - as this moved along I was really swept up in the shadows, the sounds, and Willem Dafoe’s facial expressions, and the film kept ramping up the weirdness in a satisfying way. Appropriately, the film does feel a bit like a bender - you end up losing track of much of the big-picture plot as it goes on, but you’re occasionally pulled into these moments of sharp sensory clarity (the Hark! speech being the most memorable example) that seem to block out everything else. You get a bit blindsided with an ending that doesn’t seem to follow from the rest of the film, but in the meantime it’s an incredible showcase of atmosphere.

Long Day’s Journey Into Night dir. Bi Gan

I give this film a lot of credit for two things: the hour-long, seemingly impossible unbroken take that everyone loves to talk about, and the fact that it raked in money as a holiday release in China despite the fact that obviously most people would not actually enjoy this (the proto Uncut Gems). As with Kaili Blues, the story here is vague and dreamy - something about a funeral, a lost love, some criminal interests - and not especially concerned with legibility. Plus, the first stage of the film drags on so long that the long take that makes up the second half almost feels like a different movie altogether. Still, Long Day ends up being such a showstopper that it makes me feel bad that I’m not on Bi’s wavelength. Or maybe he’s tricking me too, just like all those Chinese cinema goers?

The Moneychanger dir. Federico Veiroj

A rather nuts-and-bolts historical drama set among financial criminals in 70s Montevideo, a kind of deadpan, low-rent South American cousin to The Wolf of Wall Street. Lives and dies by Daniel Hendler’s performance as the titular cambista, a man so cowardly and resigned to moral compromise he makes Jordan Belfort seem like a man of principle, as well as that of Dolores Fonzi, who plays his coldly practical wife. Some interesting historical commentary here, focusing on Uruguay’s position between Brazil and Argentina making it ideal as a shady dealing site, and the effects of seemingly mundane corruption among the financial class that spill out into the general population. Perhaps a bit too committed to its even, clinical tone, but a funny and enlightening film regardless.

Promare dir. Hiroyuki Imaishi

It took me a while to warm up to this one. Definitely feels like it’s taking too many pages out of other Imaishi/Nakashima creations (Gurren Lagann and Kill La Kill are all over this), and I’m still not convinced the environmental and immigration undercurrents are actually executed effectively. However, it does showcase a lot of Imaishi’s usual strengths: extravagant, energetic action sequences, breathless pacing, great music choices, and vibrant character designs. In many ways it’s pure candy, and I guess that’s appropriate for Studio Trigger’s feature film debut. Unquestionably worth checking out for the Trigger faithful - and if you want some almost-there gay representation in your smash-bang mecha fare, maybe this will scratch that itch too?

Queen & Slim dir. Melina Matsoukas

As impressed as I am that anyone got a major studio to put out a film literally just about cop killers, I can’t help but think that this film should have been better, and could have been with just a few tweaks. On the plus side: one of the most gorgeous films of the year (Matsoukas puts her music video sensibilities to fine use on the big screen), great turns from Kaluuya, Turner-Smith, and Bokeem Woodbine, and one of the most impressively raunchy sex scenes in American multiplex fare in many years. The narrative it presents is still essentially worthwhile, and it brushes up against the radical more than accidentally, but it pulls itself down with clumsy Both Sides equivocating and allowing the title characters to slip too cleanly into martyrdom. Want to see what comes next.

Triple Frontier dir. J.C. Chandor

A thoroughly pulpy concept - a bunch of ex-special forces buddies get together to rob a drug lord - brought to life beyond expectations by a talented cast and crew. Ben Affleck, Oscar Isaac, and Pedro Pascal are especially good here (especially Affleck, in his best showing in years), and Chandor and Mark Boal’s detail-oriented approach to the material pays off in a deliberately paced but always tense thriller. Surprisingly in-the-reeds procedural obstacles - how do we get to this house? how do we move this large pile of cash? - set up for the film’s best set pieces, and the ensemble has a great macho rapport that carries over even into the film’s bleaker second half. Perhaps benefiting from low expectations, but this is one of the key overlooked Netflix finds of the year.

[moonguilt]

Voltron MMORPG AU: Chapter 2

alright here’s the next segment of overly elaborate headcanons. we’re finally getting some real klance lads

side note for people who dont RP: double parentheses ((like this)) indicate that the real person, i.e. lance or keith, is the one speaking. proper grammar is used for when they are making their original characters speak.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 3

finally, f i n a l l y, they are all playing voltron together

coran and pidge are still caught up in raiding and player-versus-player, but coran makes time on the side occasionally to act as dungeon master for the others, when they want to go on a particularly epic quest

meanwhile pidge adamantly proclaims they are all dorks, and when she attends their roleplaying sessions in-game, she insists that she is “only here to keep the high level elite creatures in this zone from killing you all while you're singing campfire songs like a bunch of camp rock dweebs”

when she eventually starts joining in on the roleplay here and there, under the guise of doing it “ironically,” no one comments on it

matt kind of gradually integrates himself alongside shiro. he shares absolutely none of pidge's qualms with the concept of RP, and in fact played a lot of dungeons & dragons as a teenager, so he manages to acclimate fairly easily

allura and keith both have a hard time getting into the idea of roleplaying. it strikes them as silly and they have trouble letting go of their dignity a little. lance whinges about them both having “major party pooper sticks up your butts come ONNN” but all the while, he is gently steering them in the right direction and subtly teaching them how to loosen up a little and immerse themselves in the fantasy world he has grown to love

sometimes they decide to hang out in heavily populated in-game cities together, where they can people-watch and build casual camaraderie among their characters. and perhaps interact with the occasional random player brave enough to approach their group's table in the tavern

“its not really OUR table” shiro points out one day when they walk into the tavern to find their usual seats occupied by other players

“YES IT IS” -keith and lance, in unison, approximately 29 seconds before their first RP bar fight

they decide eventually to create their own adventurer's guild so that they can easily connect with each other when they are online

shiro wants to name the guild “the paladins of voltron,” but pretty much everyone protests on the grounds of “shiro, you're the ONLY paladin in this guild”

the only exception is hunk, of course, who assures shiro that it is a very cool name, but perhaps they could just edit it slightly? maybe change “paladins” to something more class-neutral? like, “lions” perhaps?

yeah. yeah, “the lions of voltron” seems to work with everyone. whether that's because it's a good name, or because hunk is the one suggesting it, no one could tell you

as they all grow more comfortable with RP, their characters start developing bonds with each other

allura and matt, the guild's healers, hit it off swimmingly. they enjoy making their characters dramatic and exasperated with everything the others do. matt jokingly gives his character an enormous, embarrassing crush on allura's character just for the laughs

keith and pidge's characters both have dark, edgy pasts. pidge made hers extra dark because she wanted be funny, but keith seems to really enjoy the way their characters can bond over their shared trauma. she suspects there is an underlying reason for that and decides to never reveal that she intended for it to be a joke

the most interesting of all is, of course, the relationship between keith and lance's characters

everyone expects them to be rivals, to bicker constantly, etc

partially as a prank and partially because they think it would be fun to RP, they decide behind-the-scenes to make their characters the best of friends

“Oh, Keith, you are so strong and heroic!”

“I would be weak if not for the strength you gave me, my one true friend in this cold, dark world...”

“I am so glad I have a great warrior like you by my side...”

“You are my rock.”

“... even if you have a weird name.”

“((for the last time get off my case about the name, lance))”

“((literally never gonna happen. die mad))”

it starts to affect their relationship in the real world too, slowly, at first in the form of jokingly mimicking their characters' dynamic:

“oh, mighty keith, i require the salt on the other end of the table. would you please bless me with your aid”

“but of course, noble lance, i hereby entrust you with my sacred salt and place it in your skillful hands”

“illustrious keith?”

“yes, immaculate lance?”

“thats gay”

“fuck you”

R O M A N T I C  T E N S I O N in the R E A L  W O R L D

nobody fucking addresses it but everybody knows it's there. way worse than it ever was before somehow, which is saying something honestly. and it only gets worse as the days and weeks pass

“if I may say, good sir keith, you look particularly dashing today in this black ensemble of yours”

“why thank you dearest friend lance, i chose this specially to please you”

“then you may certainly consider yourself successful in this endeavour”

are they complimenting each other as a joke??? why do their eyes go half-lidded and their lips quirk lopsidedly when they shower each other in praise?? nobody knows

thats a lie. everybody fucking knows

no i never learned how to format tumblr posts. you will have to deal with my absolute trash aesthetic sorry

tune in next (and final) time for the most elaborate ridiculous speech i have ever written

[donnerpartyofone]

i just got a whole bunch of new followers on letterboxd, and checking out who they all are really reminded me of why i don’t follow too many people on letterboxd. bad amateur writing is hard to enjoy even ironically, but there’s something about bad film writing that’s really harmful. i have hate-read so many of this one guy’s reviews that i feel embarrassed about it now. he describes himself as an “arthouse manager”, which i assume means he runs a theater, but it bothers me because nobody says “let’s go out to the arthouse tonight” without the word “theater” in there, it’s just unnatural and pretentious. so that’s red flag #1 right in his description, which is followed by red flag #2 about how he hates modern media, as if being a luddite or nostalgia freak automatically means you’re a sensitive genius. it’s probably worth mentioning a sub-red flag, which is that he also says he’s 27 years old, which has to mean that he either wants to be congratulated for being precocious somehow, or he thinks he’s going to get laid off this movie website where you can’t even post pictures of yourself, or both, i mean who fucking cares how old you are anyway, for what reason? then the first review is of DAYS OF BEING WILD, in which he describes Wong Kar-Wai as “seeking to understand what draws women to shitty, emotionally unavailable men”; i mean imagine being so full of shit that you project your own sullen incel-y “UGH WHY DO GIRLS ONLY LIKE BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH” garbage onto whatever revered works of art show up on your tv screen? this guy goes on to reveal himself in almost a strip tease fashion across many of his reviews, breaking up his pompous analyses with macho mindbenders like “i have often said that being horny is the point of life” and biographical information like about his manipulative alcoholic father. i’m not trying to say that everybody with a delinquent or dysfunctional parent is destined to have idiotic and serial killerish attitudes about intimacy, because that would condemn pretty much all of us. but, i am sadly familiar with solipsistic assholes who brandish their alleged intellectual superiority in one fist while beating the dust out of their childhood traumas with the other, and just seeing his smug letterboxd reviews tells me everything i need to know about him. hopefully he just followed me in a spammy way to get attention and will never interact, or maybe i’ll say something he finds politically disagreeable and he’ll go away.

honestly finding anybody worth following on letterboxd is kind of hard. it can be nice to read stuff by people who are just having fun and shooting straight about what they’re watching, but the site is filled with wannabe J Hobermans and Lester Bangses who are just out to prove that they own a thesaurus. they’re practically all dudes, you can smell the old spice and maker’s mark wafting out of your laptop fan when you read some of this chest-pounding nonsense. not all of them have such toxic things to say as the aforementioned douchebag, but there’s a real preponderance of users who seem to think they’re reinventing the language. the sad thing is when they really like MY writing. there’s this guy i follow who i think used to write fairly clearly, but now everything he posts looks like a burroughs cut-up with really avant garde ideas about punctuation and adjectives, and unfortunately, i think it’s on purpose. i’d unfollow him, but i feel like i can’t, because he is as nice as literally anyone has ever been about my writing. he goes so far as to give me a hard time about why i’m not a professional film critic, he’s like a ~fan~...and then i gotta ask myself, how much is my writing like HIS writing? this is where the difficulties of letterboxd start to feel worth while, in a masochistic kind of way. like, how often do i write in the same wanky bombastic fashion as these shitty little internet valedictorians who i hate so much? probably a lot! i don’t like feeling that way but i have to admit that i’m grateful for the opportunity to check myself, and possibly improve.

however good or bad i am, letterboxd is still a better place to write than tumblr. i mean tumblr is less than optimal for long form writing anyway, but it’s also a question of who the majority population is here. the other day i got a comment on a pretty old post i wrote about ANNIHILATION, a movie i found kind of smarmy and shallow. the commenter said that my points about the movie were good, BUT they would all be negated by the content of the novels on which the movie is based, and they wanted to know why i deliberately omitted this material from my analysis, as if this were a conspiracy to be unraveled. they actually asked me what the point of my post was, like what was my goal in writing only what i wrote and leaving all kinds of things out. basically. this person COULD NOT UNDERSTAND THE IDEA OF A MOVIE REVIEW. i answered them, because they had tried hard to be polite, that my movie review blog is just for movie reviews, in which i talk about what i think about movies i watch. i’m not pursuing everything related to certain intellectual properties, nor am i invested in the logic and content of Extended Universes of whatever individual movies i’m watching. i’m not mad at this person, who was asking an honest question, but i was completely dumbfounded by the question itself. i mean imagine being SO INVESTED in fandom as like a type of lifestyle that you don’t know what a movie review is anymore? like every piece of media is regarded as some sort of municipality, that belongs to a state, and is governed by certain people, and its characters are like Real People who are available for friendship, dating and more. no piece of media is just entertainment, or even an artistic statement anymore. for this person, watching a movie is something like studying civic infrastructure, except with more DIY alterations and more fetishizing of gay men. i keep trying to imagine reading three paragraphs about some middling hollywood movie that amounts to something like “i did not enjoy watching this film,” and just having no personal frame of reference AT ALL for what it means when somebody writes that down. like just not knowing what a movie review is at all, and asking the author to explain the meaning of the bizarre behavior of saying you thought some movie sucked.

why DOES anybody write about movies though? if i don’t find it normal or desirable to watch everything with an exclusive filter for who do you want to fuck and who do you want to see fucking each other, then what else am i getting at? surely i don’t see myself as a potential roger ebert or leonard maltin, especially considering the extremely limited number of celebrity film critics in the history of mankind. i’m also not Pro- the idea of sorting all movies according to some rigid standards of technical quality and deservingness, like anybody needs me to grade them after they’ve performed the nearly impossible-seeming task of even making one single movie to begin with. sometimes i stupidly start complaining about stupid responses to my writing that i get once in a while from the internet, and my shrink asks me, “what are you up to when you post this writing?” she always says i’m “up to something” when i seem to be following but willfully ignoring my subconscious drives, which i think is pretty funny. but i don’t think i’m pursuing feelings of superiority, over movies or other writers. i think i’m just trying to figure out what movies are trying to say about human existence--and they all are trying to say something, are motivated by some angst, even the really insulting ones that only offer up wish fulfillment pablum. i’m constantly trying and failing to figure out my own existence, and i must sense that attempting to decipher movies is one way of getting closer to decoding my own experiences.

and on that note, now i have to complain about the fact that Lyft’s driver rating system includes “fun conversation” as one of the four factors in giving someone five stars. i rarely want a stranger to try to force me to talk to them, especially at 4am when i’m headed to the airport under a miserable pile of luggage. even so, i recently got into a car in such a state, with a guy who was clearly going for that five star rating, babbling loudly and convulsively at me all the way to my terminal. it would be one thing if he were just trying to be nice, but he was giving me shit about everything from my pickup location to what i had done in his fair city for a week and a half. i did not immediately volunteer how many movies i had seen at the festival i attended, because i probably intuited that when he did make me tell him, he would inform me that he doesn’t need to watch movies, because “I WATCH *LIFE*, MAN!!!” the irony was that this guy clearly didn’t watch life at all; he didn’t even have the ability to discern that i didn’t want to talk, or that i didn’t want him to insult my favorite leisure activity, and that probably NOBODY wants to listen to him talk about his shitty generic blues rock band for half an hour before 5am. so that’s the one thing i can say for even the most obnoxious reviewer on letterboxd--that probably they are TRYING to hone the art of observation, a dying skill. probably they are TRYING to train themselves to be an active audience that engages thoughtfully with the movie instead of just hucking rotten tomatoes at the screen OR passively allowing it to wash over them. even if i often hate the results, at least some of these guys seem be making an effort.

[ectoplasmbender]

I totally forgot that Girl's Night Out was an episode that existed and it's another example of a good concept that's been poorly executed

- Kitty, Ember, and Spectra are all just. Chilling together already at the beginning of the episode. How and why do these 3 know each other and hang out??

- Kitty has been in two episodes before this and this is the first time her kissing power is ever mentioned and of course it never comes back, so they obviously just needed some kind of plot device for all the men to disappear and didn't bother coming up with a new ghost

- again, why are Ember and Spectra involved with this plan?? Neither have really had any hang ups about men before and both of their powers benefit from feeding off as many people as possible. So how is making half the town's population vanish of any use to them?

- Spectra literally doesn't have any motive, but for Ember I guess she's just dating Skulker out of nowhere now. We don't even see them together this episode so?? Also never mentioned again. (Also Ember is totally gay, just saying 👀)

- I do like that Sam and Jazz bond this episode. People tend to criticize the lack of development for Sam's character and I agree mostly, but she does admit to being wrong and does grow this episode. Her and Jazz learning to get along at the end is cute

- I always love Maddie, so she's also fine in this episode. Her being annoyed at Pamela Manson is very funny and in-character

- yeah I think we can all agree that the writers just generally don't understand how to write women. To finally get a female-centric episode the plot had to literally erase all the men and push Danny out of the main narrative. And the villain's motives are centered around men too (even tho that doesn't make sense) which means that an episode that should be empowering and able to stand on its own independent of the male characters still literally revolves around men. Ehhh I guess :/

[markrmorrisjr]

I grew up fundy, I’ve had to face it. I’ve tried to put all kinds of spins on it, conservative, mainline traditional, but facts are facts, and although I didn’t see it, and still don’t remember my parents or grandparents as cruel, or hateful in any  way, that’s what it was.

From the time I was born until the age of fourteen, my dad was a Church of Christ preacher. I never experienced any kind of racism, or bigotry, toward anyone who came into the congregations where he preached, or in our home. Everyone was welcome, no matter their heritage,  status, “orientation” or “lifestyle” ( I use these terms in quotes, because this is the language that was used to describe the “others”) they were always treated with love and respect and we tried to help everyone we could.

That being said, there was a fair bit of proselytizing, which only makes sense in the circumstances, but never any condemnation from them toward anyone that I witnessed,. Regardless of their beliefs. Maybe this is why I was able to hide from my own concerns for so long. There was never any doubt that they believed whole-heartedly that without a meaningful conversion experience to Christ, everyone was lost and going to a literal, real hell.

I know what some of you are thinking, what kind of monsters were they? But, you likely have had some beliefs in your life that you were forced to reconsider, and I fully believe, had they lived long enough, this would have been one for them. My dad admitted at the end of his life that I had convinced him that hell definitely wasn’t what he’d thought. But, that’s a story for another time.

About the time I turned fourteen, my dad’s theology changed, but not necessarily for the better. We dived headlong out of the mega conservative, no instrumental music in worship, COC, into the hotbed of the Charismatic Renewal in 1985. Rock bands, and tambourines, if you couldn’t speak in tongues, you might not be saved, kind of places. The Sunday services would run for hours!

From there, I ran through the gamut of “non-denominational” churches, but everywhere I went, a certain arrogant ignorance pervaded the leadership.  Most of them had only a rudimentary knowledge of scripture. Which, for a COC kid was appalling, after all, we basically treated the Bible as a defacto minister of God. It was inerrant, and perfect in every way, after all, it was just up to us to study it hard enough to suss out the answers.

There’s a certain level of death to intellectual curiosity that comes with accepting that the Bible, is, in your mind, inerrant. Although this is a relatively new idea, in the scheme of things, it has been pervasive through most of American Evangelical Christianity for the past century or so. Even in places where it wasn’t considered quite as literal and concrete as I’d been taught as a child (6 literal days of creation, and so on) those ideas were almost never expressed from the pulpit. There was a tacit understanding that the book was the book, and whatever it said, and whoever was in charge agreed to interpret is as meaning, stood.

So, what’s so wrong with that? Well, I don’t know all of the answers to this question, but here are ten things I picked up on later in life that led to a whole bunch of questions that ended up with me thinking there is no hell, and gay people are okay with Jesus and maybe a lot of the other rules we made for ourselves didn’t make a whole lot of sense, and the whole thing was really about being good to people in the first place.

Here they are, the ten things they never told me.

The best description of God in the Bible is a metaphor.

That’s right. We’ve fought wars over these poetic understandings, though. So, they must be able to be understood and taken literally, right? See, the idea is this, God is so big (and if there is a single intelligence behind the universe, it would have to be) that we simply cannot understand, and so, we have to resort to metaphorical language to compare God to things we can know. God is ineffable in essence. But, if this is true, why did I see so much anger for people who insisted on seeing the feminine in the divine, or had another name for God?

God is not a man.

At best, the divine is a blend of genders. It says so right in the first two chapters, but we overlook that and default to father, although he’s also described as animals, a woman, forces of nature, and even inanimate objects. As science begins to unfold what it means for humans to have gender, they are discovering that even on a measurable level, there is very little evidence for the strict binary definitions we’ve applied until very recently. To me, this binary understanding has been used primarily to hold half of the population in check. Yes, women, you’ve been robbed of your rightful place, because some guys decided that some other guys, who wrote all this stuff down, said guys were put in charge by the head guy himself, God, and it’s not true.

There’s very little history, outside of the Bible itself, to back up much of what is in it.

Sorry, whatever they told you at Bible college, might need to be reconfirmed, as awful as it sounds a whole lot of lies have been told to prop up doctrine. I don’t know a lot about this. It is true there is as much evidence for the existence of some of the personalities in the Bible as for other historical figures, but much of what is told within its pages cannot be confirmed through other historical records.

Almost NONE of the source texts come from “original” languages.

In many evangelical circles there is this belief that if you get to the "original" language of the Bible you can make more sense of it. In some cases this is true. It's been mistranslated and misinterpreted. In other places, additional words have simply been made up to make it make what the translator thought was good sense. So, what is the truth

The OT was rewritten into other languages, and then translated back into Hebrew. The Greek that the NT scrolls were written in was not the spoken language of the people who wrote it. Many of them spoke Aramaic, it's believed. Linguistically speaking it’s a stew, and that’s before you even get to the oral tradition being handed down for generations before many of the books were written, or the translation challenges of converting mostly dead languages into somewhat modern English equivalents.

There's more than one "canon" of the "Holy Bible

To say that the “canon” (group of books included in the Bible) of scripture is inspired (directly selected by the Holy Spirit) is a confusing, and misleading statement. There have been many. Hell, there are still many groups of books claiming the title of Bible. Right now there is the 66 book canon of the mainline protestant church, the 73 books of the Catholic Bible, which by the way, has the claim of being older than the protestant, just by history and logic. And the Eastern Orthodox canon contains 81 books, and is said to be the oldest canon in church history. So, which one was inspired? Even these canons are disputed.

Not all of the Biblical authors are necessarily who I was taught they were.

For example, Paul seems to have penned the lion’s share of the New Testament. But, some of what has his name on it, most scholars believe, may have been penned by one of his own disciples, using his name to gain authority. As to the ancient texts, some of them have never had an author attributed to them.

Not everything in the Bible is scientifically accurate.

You're probably saying, wow, no kidding? (sarcastically) It is obvious that there are gaps in the understanding of the writers, and some of their observations are plain illogical. But, and here's the thing, we had a 1954 set of World Book encyclopedias as a kid and I wouldn't want to use that as a text book in a modern science class either. So much of the understanding has changed. Honestly, this point only matters if you're expecting the Bible to be completely infallible.

Surprisingly, however, the same pattern claimed as the biological order of ascendance in evolution by Darwin, is the same order used in the Creation Myth in Genesis. I remember a serious debate in our house when my brother found out that whales are not fish and my father attempted to defend the idea that the whale Jonah was “literally” swallowed by, was both a whale and a great fish, as the Bible states. To me, most of these are simply errors in understanding from the author’s point of view. After all, most people still thought of the world as flat, although the Bible describes it as round. But, I don’t need the Bible to be scientifically accurate in every point. Most historical philosophical texts have similar inaccuracies.

The idea that the Bible is perfect is new

Yep, it started less than a hundred years ago, which is funny. You'd think the earliest followers of this book would have been turned onto the fact that it was perfect, unless, maybe, it's not.

I was never told this. I doubt my father ever knew it. Different schools of theological understanding tend to insulate themselves to preserve their way of thinking. You’ll find that two Biblical scholars, both trained to similar levels of education, may have completely different understandings of what the book means on many points and often have never even been confronted with opposing views. The other interesting thing is this, I’ve rarely met a Bible professor who found the Bible to be as black and white as it was nearly always presented from the pulpits I heard it taught from.

There are even problems with the doctrine of "Divine Inspiration"

The idea of the divine inspiration of the Biblical writers doesn’t gel with the idea of free will. Either God creates automatons, even temporarily, to act as mediums ( a practice strictly forbidden in scripture) to transcribe the history and thoughts of God, or men do it willingly. If the former, then what the hell? And was that same possession present when all translation, interpretation, and transcription was done? If not, how would you assume that all of these men (they’re always all considered men) get it all perfectly right, without inserting a single opinion. But, then, we’re given a glimpse into this by Paul, at least once when he tells us straight up this is my opinion, not God speaking.

The Bible’s inerrancy is not only unprovable, but it simply doesn’t matter.

Here’s why. After being in church, literally, since the third day of my life, I’ve come to this conclusion, it does not matter one bit if the Bible is perfect or not. Well, of course it does, some will say, otherwise, we might be living a lie. Well, here’s the thing, you might anyway, even if it’s perfect. Why? Imagine this.

There is an atomic bomb in your front yard. Unless you defuse it, at some point in the future, no one knows exactly when, it will take you and everyone you know out. Never fear! Instructions for defusing this bomb have been delivered. But, here’s the thing. They were written by someone who never saw this bomb. Two thousand years ago. With their untechnological minds. In a foreign language they didn’t speak. That’s not all. Then it was translated from these ancient texts, then transcribed many times, and finally, it was made into an “interpretation” of the original text. But, if you are not precise in every single detail of your defusal process, BOOM!

So, you call in the experts. They can help, right? They’ve devoted their entire lives to studying these instructions and teaching these instructions. They arrive and immediately begin to argue. Why? Because they all have a different idea of how the bomb should be defused and all of them show you in the instructions how their way is right. One says you open the bomb first, then pray, then defuse. Another says, no, pray only, God will defuse the bomb. Another says, dunk the bomb in water, pray, then defuse. And they all have followers who espouse their method. Because, if you don’t get this right, they’re all doomed.

Finally, they resort, not to the original texts, but to commentaries based on other’s understanding of the texts, to solve their disagreements, but this just leads to more disagreements. What do you do? The instructions are perfect, you know that. But, now you’ve got three different versions of them, and tons of peripheral information explaining them and the more you try to make it make sense, the less it does.

That’s why it simply does not matter if the Bible is perfect, infallible, or inerrant. Because, even if it were, we cannot come to a common understanding of what it means.

So, what is the Bible? To me, it’s simply a journal. It’s a journal of men and women who dedicated their entire existence to unravelling the God puzzle, understanding who the creator is, and what our relationship to the divine should be. It records their mistakes, their broken ideas, their imperfect observations, and some of the results. It encourages us to good things, and where it does, we should follow it. Then it has some horrible advice, which is proven wrong. Where this is true, we should learn from it.

But, how do you make peace with all of this? Simple. I’ve come to understand that the bomb (hell) does not exist. There is no lake of eternal fire. God doesn’t torture people eternally for deeds committed on a finite time line. In fact, the Bible doesn’t even say that. But, that’s a story for another time.