#but its been like this consistently for nearly 4 years now

[miabebe]

My Girlfriend Faked Her Amnesia (Wen Junhui)

Reverse Trope Series Installment 4

It wasn’t always that life gave one the chance to hit reset, but now that Jun had gotten it, he didn’t have long before time ran out - 10 days to valentine's day which meant 10 chances to make his amnesiac girlfriend remember him again. But it wasn’t going to be a cakewalk - after all, how could one be reminded of the past if they were only pretending to forget?

Pairing - Wen Junhui x afab! Reader

Word Count- 29k

Genre - Heavy angst, romance, hurt comfort, mild humor and as usual, yes, smut - This piece is lowkey inspired by the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind!

Warnings - Car accident, mentions of blood, memory loss, hospital setting

A/n - Hello my loves! This is my bit for the Lonely Hearts Cafe Collab hosted by the wonderful @camandemstudios, my first ever collab! Please do also check out the stories by all the other writers - everyone has been working super hard on this! I hope you enjoy this piece and leave your thoughtsss :) To be added to the reverse tropes taglist, please comment under this post :)

Smut warnings - This is only the first half (12k) of the story and there is no smut in it yet. Warnings will be added for the second half!

The End: 27th December 2024 

"Careful!" 

You quickly swerved to the side of the road, the car screeching to a stop as the honking truck zoomed past you.

Fuck. Gripping the steering wheel tight, you let out a sigh of relief, your wandering thoughts returning to the present. That was close. 

The man beside you mumbled something under his breath as he unbuckled his seatbelt before alighting the car and opened your door, wordlessly asking you to get out.

You complied, allowing him to take over your role as the driver and quietly slid in the passenger seat.

Adjusting the mirror he glanced up and down the snow clad road before driving off into the darkness. Again, without saying a word. 

That's how things had been between the two of you for a while now. Silent. 

Some might say that after nearly 10 years of being together, the two of you didn't need words to communicate anymore, you just understood each other so well. But only you knew the reality - there was nothing left to say. Everything was at the edge of falling apart. 

You glanced down at your hands, fingers fidgeting. Yes it was cold but it was the emptiness that bothered you. 

Your boyfriend shot you a look before his hand hovered over the controls of the car. 

"Are you feeling cold?" 

See, he didn't understand. He never seemed to understand. And you were tired of explaining but a tiny voice in your head said to try just once more. 

"My mum was asking why there's no ring yet?" Caressing the fingers of your left hand, you looked up, far off at the skies where the morning sun still hadn't made its way up. 

“And what did you say?” 

You turned to him, not hiding the incredulous expression donning your face, “What am I supposed to say Jun?” He looked straight ahead, eyes more focused on the road than required. “How does one answer a question like this?” 

His Adam's apple bobbed with his gulp. “That....we’re not ready?” 

“And looking at us, who will buy that?” 

Jun kept quiet again, perhaps because he knew you were right.

The two of you had been together for the majority of your lives which meant your families, friends, colleagues all were a consistent witness of your relationship. Even over the last week, when you were spending Christmas with your family at the ski cabin, your sister wouldn’t stop talking about how you two were perfect for one another. She didn’t know that behind closed doors, in the privacy of your room, the two of you slept with your backs facing each other.

Jun sighed, noticing you were getting lost in your thoughts again. “Why do we have to justify ourselves to anyone anyways Y/n? This is our life-” 

“You’re right, there’s no need to justify anything to anyone. But you can tell me why, right?” You half turned towards him, leaning against the car door. “You and I can talk about why we’re nearing our thirties and still haven’t made any decision about getting married?” 

“Jesus, twenty five is not considered thirties Y/n." He rolled his eyes exasperated. "Besides, what does age have to do with marriage? Getting married should be something that we decide because we want to spend our lives with each other.”

You blinked at him. “Then do you not want to spend your life with-”

“I did not say that.” He glanced at you before quickly looking back at the road. “Of course, I do. Baby, you and I live together, we do everything together, we are as good as married-”

“So then a wedding would just be a formality right-”

“No, it would be a show!” You flinched a little as he raised his voice, annoyed. “It would be to show the world something, to prove to others that we are committed and will last through it all, as though signing a few documents is a guarantee of that.”

“Marriage isn’t just about that Jun. Do you have any idea how many things will become easier - buying a house, getting loans, so many logistics-”

He scoffed, shaking his head slowly. “That’s what marriage is to you? A practical, logical, legal binding?” 

Biting your lower lip you let out a deep breath. “If you think it should mean much more or that it should be made purely on emotions then what’s stopping you? Or do you not love me anymore-”

“Why would you say that?” He groaned, like he was tired of this conversation. “I do love you, more than anything. Which is why I want you to be able to focus on yourself without taking the burden of a marriage. I want you to fulfill all the dreams you have for your career, for your professional growth-”

“Jun, I can do all of that while being married too-”

“Marriage changes people! It changes priorities, it changes expectations-”

“So that’s what you’re afraid of? Expectations? Because I expect you to be a bit more responsible? To get your act together-”

“It won’t stop at that will it?” He sighed. “This is all our life is going to be - First it’ll be about dividing household chores, who’ll do dishes, who’ll take out the trash. Next it’ll be about finding the perfect house and having children-” 

“We’ve talked about this and you said you didn’t have a problem with having children Jun.” You snapped at him, triggered at his words. “I’m not getting any younger here-”

“And I’ve not grown up!” He slammed the wheel with his hand. “I do want to have kids someday but not now, not any time soon. I… I can barely look after myself, how am I going to look after a child? And if I’m incapable it will mean that you will have to carry the burden of it all - of raising the child, of me and of yourself and I don’t want that for you.”

You fell silent again, realising that the conversation was going just like it always did.

You would go on to insist that you were ready for whatever was to come and the time was right now, Jun would insist that he isn’t willing to let you take on so much and that marriage shouldn’t be about timing, it should be about wanting to be with each other. You would then claim he’s being too emotionally driven about this and he would claim that you were being too practical and the conversation would just be about the two of you justifying your point of views, reaching no conclusion. 

This is what happened every single time. This was what was going to happen again now. And frankly, you were tired of it. 

“When did we start wanting such different things?” You glanced at the road that disappeared into the darkness. The early morning light was not enough to illuminate the path ahead. “I thought…. we were perfect for each other, that we were meant to be. After nearly ten years, where did it all go wrong?”

You didn’t mean for it to sound hurtful, but Jun had always been the sensitive one.  

“Just because we’re not in the same frame of mind right now, doesn’t mean all the years we shared mean nothing.”

“But what does it mean?” You smiled sadly. “We aren’t growing, we aren’t able to help each other grow, what was the point of it all? Ten years and…. we achieved nothing.” 

It was like you were leaving arrow after arrow to pierce his heart - he knew you were the reasonable kind - always planning, always making lists, always marking milestones. Whatever you were saying now, had to be the result of a moment of frustration, not because you were questioning the love that you had for each other…. right? 

You weren’t regretting this, were you? 

He let out the breath he was holding. “Then maybe it would have been better if the last ten years didn’t happen at all.” 

Please say I’m wrong Y/n. Please say prove me wrong, please say we’re worth it. 

Although you were never really one to be driven by emotions, Jun always was. The one who never forgot anniversaries, the one who always tried to make every moment special, the one who always reminded you that you were not each other’s habits but each other’s love. Had things gone so far that the man who savoured every moment of being in love with you, thought it was better that you never met? 

“Is that what you really think?” You whispered, ignoring the feeling of something pricking the back of your eyes. 

Jun turned to you surprised. How could you even think that? Of course not-

“Careful!” 

Headlights beamed from right across, but this time, Jun’s quick swerve was not enough. 

As the car skidded wildly, with a sickening crunch it slammed into the side of the oncoming truck, the momentum sending it toppling over, rolling violently onto its roof with a screech of metal. As it came to a stop, the sun rose from above the clouds far away and steam rose from what was remaining of the crumpled vehicle. In the heavy stillness that followed, alongside the eerie whisper of the wind, streams of red mixed with the white of the snow. 

Your boyfriend’s hand extending towards you was the last thing you saw before everything went black. 

The Afterlife: 31st December 2024 

Pain. 

Unbearable pain. 

That's what was searing through his body, over and over again. Everywhere, in every inch…. Just pain. 

Perhaps because he hadn’t stopped running. 

Jun had been running in the forest for what seemed like forever. Where to? He had no idea. Where from? He didn’t know that either. 

All he knew was he was looking for something he had lost. Something clearly precious to him. Something he couldn’t live without. 

Yet ignorantly, he kept running. Until....

Jun.

Your voice echoed around him like a soft whisper. Finally stopping by the lake, he looked around, frantically trying to find you. 

It was then, across the frozen crystal clear waters he saw you - beautiful as ever, the only bright thing in the dark, daunting woods. 

He wanted to go to you, he wanted to be with you but the slippery ice didn’t let him take a step forward. 

Instead, you took a step back. 

Then another one. 

Then another. 

Jun continued to call out your name, trying to stop you from receding into the shadows but in vain. Slowly you disappeared into the darkness, the black of the woods engulfing you as Jun fell to his knees, the ice cracking under him. 

Shutting his eyes, he attempted to stop the pain but it only got worse. It was just pain, pain, pain. 

When he opened them, white flickering lights were strangely swaying above him. 

Blinking, Jun tried to see clearly but just then, the ice finally gave away, submerging him into the cold waters. 

As the icy waters of the lake dragged him down, Jun felt his eyes slowly shut again and your name was the last thing he remembered.

The Awakening: 27th January 2025 

The blur flickering light of the ceiling became clear as the rhythmic beeping of machines slowly pulled him from the depths of unconsciousness.

Head throbbing and body aching, an unsettling sense of disorientation washed over him, like he had been asleep for too long. Slowly raising himself on his elbows, Jun looked around, eyes finding the strange setting of a hospital room, the overwhelming smell of antiseptic finally hitting him. 

Shutting his eyes again, he tried to recollect what happened, how he ended up here……

“Y/n…” 

The argument. 

The crash.

The sight of your eyes fluttering shut as blood trickled down your face. 

“Fuck.” He mumbled, looking at all the tubes and wires attached to him, holding him back. Without an ounce of care, he tugged them off, triggering the loud alarms of the machines but before his feet even touched the cold tile of the floor, the doors flung open and a handful of people donning impeccably white coats spilled in, looking worried.

“Sir, please don’t-”

“Where’s Y/n?”

“You need to calm down, you’re not ok-”

He grabbed the collar of the man before him. “Don’t tell me to calm down. Where is Y/n?”

“We…” The doctor looked terrified. “Who is Y/n?”

Annoyed, Jun tugged on his shirt harder. “The car crash, there was a woman with me in the car, in the passenger seat, where is she?” 

“What woman?” The man stuttered, looking at his team confused. “You were brought to our hospital alone.” 

Shocked, Jun loosened his grip, allowing the doctor to quickly move back, putting himself at an arm’s distance. 

Alone?

“That’s not possible….” He muttered. “She was with me, she should be here…” 

“The accident happened in the countryside so you were taken to the nearest emergency care but your injuries were too severe so they shifted you here, to the city hospital.” The doctor looked at him slightly hesitating. “Maybe there was a woman with you, but she wasn’t brought here. Either her condition wasn’t serious enough or she didn’t….”

Eyes narrowing, Jun looked at the shivering man before him. “She didn’t, what?”

“S-she didn’t make it-”

“How dare you?” He spoke between gritted teeth, charging towards the doctor, only to be quickly held back by the nurses around him. “How dare you even suggest something like that-”

“Mr. Junhui, I was only stating the possibility-”

“What you’re saying is not possible-”

“Sir please, your heart rate is getting erratic-”

“I don’t care, I need to find her-”

“You can’t leave.”

“Stop me if you can.” Jun pulled himself free from the grip of those around him, leaving for the door, glaring at the crowd challengingly. 

Only one of them dared to step forward - a woman, one not wearing a doctor’s coat, looking at him with sympathy rather than fear. 

“Sir please….” She whispered softly, slowly approaching him, ignoring the worried looks of those around her. “I understand your worry and I’m so sorry for this but you need to calm down…. I have no other choice.” 

Jun frowned as she neared, maintaining a strong, unavoidable eye contact, the contents of her hands completely missing his vision. Before he could understand what was happening, there was a prick in his arm, hands reaching out to him and the flickering light blurred again as his eyes shut. 

28th January 2025

“Let me go.” 

The events from about 24 hours ago had repeated again. 

The fluttering lights, the machines, the wires, the tubes, the doctors - everything happened in the same sequence except there was one difference this time. When Jun tried to pull on the wires and swing his legs off the bed, he found all four of his limbs restrained. 

“Please.” He whispered. “I need to find Y/n.”

“Sir, there really was no woman brought along with you.” The woman’s eyes reflected the same sympathy they had since the day he had been wheeled in. “We got your records from the emergency center you were taken to.” 

Pulling out a bunch of papers from a file, she placed it on his lap. “There was a woman with you but she was discharged from there within a week.”

“A-a week?” Jun stuttered, looking around. “How long has it been since the accident?” 

“Almost…” She looked at the papers thoughtfully. “Almost a month. You’ve been unconscious all this while, you sustained a traumatic injury to your-”

“What about Y/n?” 

Stepping up and reading through the papers, the doctor from earlier spoke with his expertise. “She had a severe injury on her head too but she gained consciousness about a week after the accident and she…. just left.” 

“Just left?” It felt as though something cold was just dumped on his head. “Just left me?” 

“Mr. Jun, we’re not sure what exactly happened but….” The woman looked at him uncertainly. “The last few weeks that you were here, no woman has come to visit you. Y/n hasn’t been around.” 

Jun let out a shaky breath, “She probably didn’t know I was here. She… she must be looking for me, she must be so worried. I should go to her-” 

“You’re not well enough to leave.” The doctor spoke from behind the woman, worried even though Jun’s movements were restrained. “I wouldn’t suggest-” 

“I don’t want your suggestion. I want you to open these-” He tugged on the belts. “-so I can go.” 

Everyone exchanged looks, shifting in their places.

“Open them!” 

“Again, I’m sorry Mr. Jun.” The woman approached him slowly, an injection clearly visible in her hand this time. “This is for your good.” 

Once again, everything became blur before it all went dark. 

31st January 2025

“She didn’t pick the call.” The woman without a coat, who’s name Jun learnt was Mira, walked up to him. “Again.” 

Sighing, Jun looked outside the window. The streets were busy - cars were going up and down, people were walking about, some laughing, some stressed. But everything was moving, everyone was moving. Only his life had come to a standstill. 

“Do you remember anyone else’s number?” 

Jun shook his head. “Who even memorises numbers these days? Everything is stored on my phone-”

“-which broke in the accident.” She finished for him. 

“I only remember my girlfriend’s number because she forced me to remember it in case of emergencies like these.” He chuckled softly, walking up to the wall with the pictures of the two of you stuck all over. He ran his fingers over the picture of you hugging him from behind, head resting on his shoulder. “She was always so well prepared, always a step ahead….. except now.”

When Jun woke up 3 days ago, Mira had been there to tell him you were nowhere to be found. She had looked for you at home, which had been abandoned for over a month, at the library where you often worked on your projects, at the stores where you preferred to shop, at the park where you jogged every morning. You were nowhere. 

Your family was nowhere to be seen either - the house was locked and the neighbours claimed they had gone somewhere overseas. There was no trace of you at all - it was like you had vanished into thin air, like you were just a mirage, a dream. 

“I wish I could help Jun.” Mira walked up to him, placing her hand on his shoulder, looking around his apartment. “I’m sorry the only thing I could assist you with is getting you back home. But I had someone clean up the place so it should be more habitable now.” 

“Thank you Mira, for everything.” He muttered, slowly moving her arm away, tearing his eyes away from the photographs. “I’m sorry, I… I think I should….. shower, I smell like the hospital.” 

She nodded as Jun disappeared into the washroom, wordlessly asking her to leave. Grabbing her bag, she shot him one last sad look as she hesitatingly made her way out. 

Standing before the mirror, Jun sighed at his reflection - he had never seen himself look this lifeless. Wincing in pain, he removed his shirt slowly, pulling it over his head - almost healed gashes and wounds were littered all over his torso. 

The memory of an injured you flashed behind his shut eyes.

“Where are you Y/n?” He whispered, trying not to let his voice shake. “Come back to me.” 

Jun glanced at the small coffee shop across the road, one he had never seen before, the hanging sign board slowly swaying in the cold wind - Lonely Hearts Cafe. 

So many things had changed over the last month. He, who was the biggest homebody known to mankind, could not bear to stay in his house for another minute. Not where every inch of it was filled with the essence of you, where everything was a reminder of you. A part of him was relieved that there were pictures and traces of you were everywhere - that meant you were real, not a figment of his imagination…. but that also made your absence hurt more. 

He had spent the last few hours wandering the streets mindlessly, trying not to let everything outside the haven the two of you built together remind him of you too. 

But there you were, in your favourite pizza shop on the corner of the street, munching on a slice. Just as he approached, shocked and frantic, you disappeared, like you were never there. And then he saw you again, at the hairdressers this time, getting just the ends trimmed, like always. And then you were by the butchers, petting that little dog you adored. And then by the lake, glancing at the frozen waters, vanishing as usual when he approached to stand by you. Even though you weren’t really around, his eyes found the memories of you everywhere - it was like he didn’t know a life without you. 

There was no life without you.  

The cafe he was currently staring at was perhaps the only place that Jun knew he wouldn’t see you. It looked new, like a business that had just freshly found itself in this vicinity but something about it was also whimsical and fairytale-like, as though it was someone’s old dream came true. Jun had never been a coffee kinda guy - Chinese tea was usually his go-to beverage so it didn’t make sense why he felt this strange urge to go in. Maybe because he knew he wouldn’t be haunted by your absence there.

At first, he took a step ahead, attempting to go towards it but he was unable to take another - he didn’t want to not see you. Even though it hurt, he’d rather see the memories of you everywhere than familiarise himself with a life without you. 

So shaking his head, he turned away, heading back home, going back to everything that reminded him of you when…… something caught his eye. 

At first, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him again because there was no way…. 

Inching closer, ignoring the oncoming traffic and the screaming drivers, he crossed the road, standing right before the large glass windows of the shop. Slowly raising his hand, he wiped the condensation off the frosted glass, catching a clear sight of what was inside. 

You. 

There you were, walking about in a little checkered apron, placing cups of coffee on the table as you flashed your bright smile at those who were seated. 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Jun turned around, fists tightened painfully. You’ll disappear again, just like all those times before, you’ll disappear again, he was just imagining this, projecting his innermost desire. You weren’t really here….right? 

But the sound of your laughter told him he was wrong. Quickly turning back, he caught sight of you again, making your way to the counter, putting cash into a large glass jar on the wooden shelf. 

As though in a trance, Jun walked over to the door and pushed it open, eyes not leaving you as you laughed and scribbled something down on a notepad before walking to the tables with a bounce in your strut he had never seen before. 

Just as your name found itself on the tip of his tongue, you stopped your tracks and turned around, eyes finding him walking in, lips curling with a wide smile. 

“Hi sir, welcome to Lonely Hearts Cafe.” Clutching the notepad to your chest, you beamed at him. “Do you want to take a seat or get a drink to go?” 

“Y/n…” He whispered, barely able to hear himself, taking a small step ahead.

“Oh I almost forgot,” You softly smacked your head. “If you’re interested, we’re having a small valentines special event, for singles. Any two people who get the exact same drink will be paired to sit at the same table. It’s kind of a ‘if your tastes match, maybe you guys will too’ sort of concept?” 

Given he was staring at you with a vacant expression, you blinked at him like you weren’t quite sure if he understood. 

Jun didn’t understand. Why were you behaving like he was a stranger? Like you didn’t know him. 

Maybe…. this wasn’t you.

“So…” Tucking your loose fringes behind your ear, you tried searching his face for an answer. “What would you like?” 

Jun’s eyes flickered to the healing gash on your forehead, the night of the accident, flashing in his mind again. 

It was you. There was no doubt it was you. 

And so without a second thought, Jun took two big strides, pulling you towards him, wrapping his arms around you tightly, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

“Excuse me?! Sir-”

“Where have you been?” He muttered, not realising you were struggling to break free from his grip. “I’ve been looking for you-”

“Get off me!” Using all your strength, you pushed him off you, causing the man to take a few staggering steps back, shocked. 

All heads in the cafe turned towards the two of you, a strange silence descending upon the room before hushed whispers broke out. Flashing a fake smile at everyone, you quickly grabbed Jun by his wrist, leading him out of the cafe, shutting the door behind you. 

“What the hell was that?” You glared at him. “Sir, I don’t know who you think you are, but that was unacceptable.” 

Jun blinked at you confused. “I thought….I thought-” 

“I don’t care what you thought.” You crossed your arms looking stern, all the warmth from earlier having left your being. “If I ever see you in my cafe again, I swear to god I will call the cops.”

“You…” Jun looked at you incredulously. “You’ll call the cops on me?” 

“Most definitely.” 

It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense. Why would you call the cops on him? Were you mad at him about something?

Jun’s racked his mind, trying to think of the last conversation the two of you had. The night of the accident. He couldn’t remember all too well, but the image of you glancing at your empty ring finger flashed in his mind. 

“Is this about….getting married?” You frowned as Jun ran his hands through his hair. “If it really means this much to you then, fine, let’s get married. I just wanted it to be-”

“Married?” You looked at him like you couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Why on Earth would I marry you? I don’t even know you-”

“Jun!” 

At the sound of his name, Jun turned around, only to find himself being slammed into the familiar chest of a tall, lanky man. The fragrance of expensive perfume immediately told him who it was - His best friend Minghao. As Jun tried to break free from his friend’s untimely interruption, Minghao held him tight, whispering in his ear. 

“Don’t say a word.” 

“Mr. Xu.” You glanced at the intertwined figures of both men, eyebrows furrowed. “You know this man?” 

“Y/n.” Breaking free, Minghao threw his arm around Jun, flashing a hard smile. “This is Jun, he’s a dear friend. Sorry if he said anything or got out of line - he was just discharged from the hospital after a big accident, he’s a bit disoriented.” 

“Oh.” You looked at him up and down as though it all made sense and you were unable to decide whether to feel sympathetic or stand your ground. “Mr. Jun, I’m sorry you went through all that but whatever you did, that was not appropriate at all.” 

“Y/n what-”

“Yes of course.” Minghao squeezed Jun’s shoulder, shutting him up. “He won’t be troubling you again.” 

“If you really do need a cup of coffee, there are a lot more shops down the street that I’m sure will suit your taste.” You took a step back, reaching for the door again, expression unreadable. “Please don’t come back to me.” 

With that you pushed the door open and disappeared into the cafe allowing Minghao to finally let go of his friend who turned to him, beyond confused. 

“What…. What was that?” He pointed at you, waiting the tables again inside, like nothing happened. Like he didn’t exist. 

“Jun…” Minghao let out a shaky breath, looking carefully at his friend. “Let’s go home, I’ll explain everything.”

“No.” Shaking his head frantically, he reached for the door again. “I’m not going anywhere without Y/n.” 

Moving quickly, Minghao put himself in between, blocking the way. 

“Please.” He held his hand out. “Y/n, she…. she won’t come with you.”

Jun looked at him incredulously. “Why not?” 

“Because she doesn’t remember….” Minghao spoke slowly, watching his friend’s face carefully. “She doesn’t remember you.” 

The throbbing pain was back. 

Actually, it never left. The pain was always there, it was him who had suppressed it under everything else. But with the revelation of things, it became unhinged, freely coursing in his being, hurting everywhere. 

Minghao poured Jun another cup of tea as the two men sat at the dining table, the latter still clutching a photo of you, trying to make sense of all that he was told. 

“She….she doesn’t remember me at all?” He frowned, still confused. “Because of…. you?” 

“Because she doesn’t want to.” Minghao corrected his friend, yet again. “Jun, it was her choice to do the procedure.”

The procedure. 

Minghao had spoken all about it in great detail for the last half an hour. It all went over his head though, Jun didn’t register a single piece of the information thrown at him except one thing - the procedure was to remove memories. 

Yes apparently that was a thing. A new initiative by Minghao’s company - a simple medical procedure in which one could choose to erase their memories of a certain period of time. A process straight out of the sci-fi books - one so ridiculous, Jun would have never believed it if it weren’t coming out of his best friend's mouth. 

That his girlfriend had gotten all her memories of him wiped from her mind. 

“It makes no sense.” Jun shook his head. “Why would she want to forget me? Why would she choose to…”

Minghao looked at his friend staring at your photo sadly. He had always known Jun to be someone full of life - he was ambitious, passionate and always bursting with energy. But now he looked like the whole world had come crashing around him. 

“I’m sorry Jun.” Minghao could feel the guilt eating him on the inside. “All of it happened in my company, right under my nose but I had no idea Y/n had gotten it done till it was all over. Maybe if I had reached the clinic just a little earlier, I could have stopped them from injecting the serum-”

“No Hao, whether you could stop her or not, it won’t change the fact that Y/n wanted to….” Jun swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “She didn’t want to just leave me or walk away from this relationship, she wanted to erase its entire existence from her life. To pretend like it never happened. But why…”

“I wish I knew Jun.” Minghao shook his head softly. “All I know is that this choice mustn't have been easy for her - to forget you she had to have the last 10 years of her life removed. That’s how far she was willing to go to…”

Minghao's words rang in his ears. 

10 years….

Maybe it would have been better if the last ten years didn’t happen at all.

The night of the accident…. that's what he had said. 

Oh god, was that why you….

What had he done? 

“Jun?” Minghao snapped his fingers before his friend's face. “Where are you lost-”

“This was a mistake.” Jun shook his head. “This was all a horrible misunderstanding. I didn’t mean…”

“Mean what?” 

Jun couldn’t even recall why he had said that. It was like his brain was suppressing the stupidity from recurring. 

“I need to talk to her. I need to fix this.”

“How exactly-”

“I’ll marry her, right this instant if that’s what it takes-”

“Jun no-”

“Hao, yes.” He turned to his friend, determined. “I can fix it. I can talk to her and sort this out. Just help me put her memories back again-”

“That’s not-”

“-and I’ll make her see how much I love her-” 

“Jun, that's not possible.” Minghao raised his voice, interrupting his friend’s rant. “Dealing with memories isn’t child’s play. It's one thing to remove them, but to restore them? That’s impossible.”

It felt like everything around was shattering. “You mean she won't ever….”

Minghao shook his head, delivering the final blow. “She won't… ever.” 

Jun stared at the photo in his hand. 

Minghao, who had insisted on staying the night, had hit the shower, his tea sitting cold in its cup. 

Cold draft was blowing in through the open kitchen window. The tips of his fingers were frozen but they were not colder than the thing wrapping around his heart, eating it away.  

Minghao’s last words as he was lingering by the door rang in his ears. 

“Y/n chose to forget you Jun, she chose to restart her life. Maybe it’s best that you do too.” 

Restart his life? Pretend like you didn’t exist and move on? How on Earth was he supposed to do that? 

He glanced at the room around him - at the pictures of you on the walls, at the vase you brought back from your trip to spain, at the coasters you always made sure to use, at the rug you specifically had made to match the couch, at every single thing in his life that was a testament of you. How was he supposed to forget all of it? 

But the truth was, you had forgotten it all. You had walked out of his life, your home and everything the two of you had built together over the last 10 years. None of this around him meant anything to you anymore. 

You had built a new world for yourself, one which Jun had reached, lost in his thoughts. The cafe, the coffee, the customers, the infectious smile on your face, the little bounce in strut, the way your hair fell over your shoulder as you’d turn - you had built something that had no trace of him but more importantly, you looked so happy. Jun couldn’t remember the last time he saw you smile this wide, or even laugh at something stupid. The winter was harsh on the city outside but everything around you seemed so warm. 

Maybe Minghao was right. Maybe it was best that he forgot it all too. 

1st February 2025 

“Where do I put this?” 

Jun turned to Mira who was holding up a bunch of books in her arms. 

“They're all cookbooks, but I'm not sure whether to put it in the box with her law books or in the one with magazines.”

“We can just leave these out.” Taking them from here, Jun walked into the kitchen. “We don't have to put away everything.” 

Sighing Mira followed him. “Jun, boss said everything. Everything that belongs to her, everything that reminds you of her.” 

Jun stared at the books in his hands. Two hours ago, he was sprawled on the couch half asleep, your scarf wrapped around his hand, a frame with your photo in his arms. Much to his annoyance, the consistent ringing of the bell forced him to drag himself to the door and standing on the other side was Mira. 

Jun didn't think he would ever have any reason to see her again but apparently, Mira wasn't just a random hospital staff who helped him - she was in fact Minghao's employee, a psychiatrist who worked in his Memory Wipe project and was asked by him to look after Jun till he came around, as a favour. That day when she left the apartment, she had immediately told Minghao about all that happened - that's how he found his friend declaring he was ready to marry you in front of the coffee shop. Mira though, had no idea about you or that you had your memories wiped - she only found out when Minghao, who left early in the morning for a meeting, sent her over to Jun’s house with a new phone and a contract. A contract to obliterate the last 10 years of his memories. 

“You want me to erase her existence?” Jun furiously muttered into the phone. “How did you even think-” 

“Will you be able to survive with her memories?” Even though he couldn't see his face, Jun knew Minghao was donning a sorry expression. “It'll kill slowly you, Jun. Not being able to be with her, not being able to forget her, not being able to move on. If I had to name something worse than hell, this is it.”

For long after the call ended, Jun stared at the contact papers on the coffee table, his mind disturbed. As much as he didn't want to distance himself from you, could he really live with the fact that you'll never be his again? It had been barely 2 days since he was awake and he was already at the verge of losing his mind. Maybe it was better he too forgot it all. 

But it also pained him to think that if both of you forgot everything, then there was no one who truly knew the kind of pure and unwavering love the two of you shared over the last ten years. At least for the sake of those, he had to stay strong, he had to live with this. But could he really? 

And it was thoughts like this that had him rooted to his chair for over an hour. 

“You don't have to decide now.” Mira interrupted his cycle of thought, tired of watching his unmoving figure. “The procedure is simple. I already have the 10 year formula ready in your name. All you have to do is just come by the centre when you're ready - one injection and it'll be done.” 

As much as Jun was grateful for the time, there was one thing Minghao wanted him to do immediately - clear the apartment of anything and everything that belonged to you. That's what the two of them were in the middle of right now as Mira glanced at the cookbooks in his hands. 

“Jun, whether or not you want to get the Memory Wipe, you need to get rid of all these things. You won't ever move on otherwise-” 

“They're cookbooks.” Jun rolled his eyes, placing them on the shelf of the kitchen. “Has it not occurred to you that I might use these myself?”

Mira stared at him like she didn't believe him but Jun ignored her. There was no way he was going to get rid of every last bit of you. What would be left of him then? 

All your clothes were packed and stashed in the store room, all the pictures of the two of you were taken down, your books, your things, everything was sealed and locked away. Except a few that Jun refused to let go - the lavender cream you used every night, the harmonica you loved to play, the cookbooks you swore would make you a better chef than him. Jun didn't have the heart to walk away from all of it just yet. 

Giving up, Mira began walking away. “I'm going to put her shoes away.” 

“Wait.” Aligning the books hurriedly, Jun quickly ran over to the closet. “Maybe just leave those heels.” 

Mira looked exasperated. “What use could you possibly have of women's footwear?”

Nothing. Jun just loved those black stilettos you wore to work - the sound of them against the wooden flooring was what told him you were home everyday. 

“Jun, this whole thing isn't just about you getting over Y/n. If you plan to do the Memory Wipe, you especially need to do this” Mira stood up sighing. “Imagine losing 10 years of your life and coming home and finding a woman's things all over. You won't remember her, you won't know what happened, you won't have any answers, it'll drive you mad. Please, listen to me, you need to get rid of it all.”

Jun turned away, peeling his eyes from the closet as Mira put the last of your footwear in the boxes, looking at him sadly. 

“How did Minghao even design this procedure?” Jun glanced at the contact papers fluttering on the table. “I knew he was indulging in some biomedical R&D, I had no idea it was this intense.” 

Mira chuckled. “Biomedical R&D barely covers the scope of what he does. Let's just say the Xu enterprises dabble in a lot of things and the Memory Wipe is their latest project. Actually its just undergoing it's last clinical trial - it’s not even advertised or available for the public.” 

“How did Y/n get to know about it then?” Jun frowned like it didn't make sense. “Minghao never talks business with me and I'm sure he's never mentioned it to her either. Then…”

“There were a bunch of lawyers involved in the legal aspects of the clinical trials.” Mira confessed, shrugging. “Maybe she heard from someone in the fraternity.” 

“Funny.” Jun smiled sadly. “Y/n has never been one for office gossip. She just liked to get her work done and head straight back home. It was always about efficiency and not wasting time.”

Mira smiled. “That's an admirable work ethic.” 

“Right? I wish I had that.” Jun glanced out of the window at the snow tumbling out of the sky. “Maybe she wouldn't have had to work so hard if I did.”

“What do you mean?” 

Jun glanced at Mira who had joined him, before continuing to stare out. 

“Y/n always believed in working hard. For her, a job was simply a means to make money. She didn't associate it with dreams or passion, it was just… survival? Me on the other hand, ever since I was a child, all I wanted to do was be an actor. I spent the last, god knows how many years, chasing that dream, picturing myself before the cameras, walking down red carpets. If I look back at my life, all I see are auditions and rejections and more rejections.” 

“It's not wrong to want to live your dream.” 

“No it's not but I don't know how right it is to live with your head in the clouds. Y/n always had her feet on the ground - that was the only reason we survived through it all.” 

“So your story is the ‘opposites attract’ kind?” 

“I guess.” Jun laughed softly. “We were polar opposites actually. She hates talking, I'm always chatting away. She's a mess, I'm neat. She hates doing household chores, I love doing them. Even in food, she loves sweet things, I like them spicy. Our preferences in anything, be it music or movies or where to go or what to wear, they were always so different but I guess….that's what made things fun. Sometimes she'd adjust for me, sometimes me for her, and though things weren't going our way, we were happy because we were making each other happy.” 

“Wow.” Mira let out a breath. “I always thought being in love with someone entirely from me would be difficult to handle.”

“If I'm being honest, there were times it did get difficult.” Jun wiped the condensation off the window with his hand, catching sight of your cafe across the street. “Y/n lived life like it was a checklist. Graduating high school at 18, then law school at 23, first job at 24, marriage at 25, three kids by the time she's 30, retired by 55, starting an organic farm business at 57 and then dying whenever - she had her whole life planned. Me on the other hand, I… live in the moment, go where life takes me. Everything around us is so uncertain, think about the accident”

Jun’s voice shook as fragments of it flashed in his head.

“We could have died, life as we know could have ended, so what's the point in deciding everything so prematurely? I take life by the day, I enjoy every moment - one day I'm doing martial arts classes for kids, one day I'm teaching old women some Chinese dishes, one day I'm doing a modelling contract. End of the day, I still make money to feed myself and pay my bills, I just don't go to bed having the next 10 years of my life planned and somehow….. I think that's what drove us apart. That's why she…” Jun let out a deep breath. “That's why she decided to start afresh. Her practicality and my emotional disposition just… didn't find any middle ground.” 

Mira softly placed her hand on Jun's shoulder, caressing it with her thumb. Clearing his throat, he took a step back, tearing his eyes away from the coffee house. 

“We should probably continue with the packing.” 

Mira nodded as she followed him, the two of them sorting things silently this time. Normally Jun wouldn't ever let go of a chance to talk about you, but now, given he had to speak about you in past tense, Jun couldn't bring himself to talk about you over and over again. Minghao was right, it was all just getting harder and harder.

And so, the next few hours were navigated in mostly silence and occasional questions. By the time the sun had begun to set, the two of them were done - all of your things had been neatly packed and put in the store room, the door locked, keys stashed in Mira's pocket for safe keeping. A couple of things had been piled by the door to be thrown out, Jun's take out dinner had arrived and Mira was lingering by the door, ready to leave. Yet the contract papers were sitting on the table, like an elephant in the room. Unable to hold herself back anymore, Mira sighed. 

“Jun, I know Minghao left the choice to you but as a professional and as someone who cares about you, I think it's best you…. " She gulped. "sign the contract. I've seen some couples after the clinical trials, trust me, you don't want to live this weight-” 

“Mira,” Jun’s voice left him between gritted teeth. “It's been barely 2 days since I got to know about what Y/n did. I haven't even decided if I am to be sad or angry or stay or move on.” He shut his eyes, running his hands through his hair. “The only reason I agreed to keep her things away or allowed someone else to even touch them was because one, I trust Minghao more than anything and two, if I really want to, I know I'm strong enough to break the door of that storeroom and get everything back. But what you're asking of me, is a permanent change. Please just…. Let me think things through at my pace.” 

Mira blinked at him, her hand on the handle of the door, unmoving. 

“Thank you for your help yet again Mira, but I think it's time you go.” 

And before the apology even left her mouth as she stepped out, Jun shut the door behind her, leaning against it.  

He just needed some time. That’s all.

Or at least that's what he thought but in just a few hours, he realised he didn't. 

Yesterday was perhaps bearable because Minghao, although he didn't speak much, was there in the house. Today though, heating up his food all alone, sitting at the table by himself, walking around his house in the dimness of the night lights, staring at the empty walls and empty shelves - it was all too much. Jun couldn't bring himself to go another day like this, forget the rest of his life. 

Taking a deep breath he sat on the couch, pulling the papers towards himself, then pen in his hand shaking. 

He wasn't strong enough for this - he couldn't go on without you. 

Finally making up his mind, he gripped the pen tight and signed the contract. There was no other way. 

But the universe said otherwise. 

If Jun had just turned around and gone to his room, things would've gone down very differently. Maybe if he decided to sleep instead of clearing the dishes and throwing the trash, he would've never thought about clearing all the boxes that Mira left by the door. Maybe then he wouldn't have come across that box. 

At first glance when he opened it, it seemed like odd bits of trash - there were pieces of paper, little trinkets, bills and what not. He was just about to throw it when his eye caught the familiar logo on one of the bills - the Lovers Cavern. The first Michelin star restaurant that Jun had taken you to on a date. Frowning, he ran his fingers through the contents of the box, recognising them one by one. Carnival and movie tickets, the crinkled wrapper of the ice cream he loves, the magnets from your first road trip together, the dried corsage from your first dance together…. everything was a thoughtful piece of the time the two of you spent together. 

You had been carefully saving them over the last 10 years. 

Jun stared at it wordlessly, lost in thought. He had never taken you as one for sentimentality. Hell you didn't even like taking photos or recording videos of your time together, he was always the one who had to pull you in, forcing you to smile. He had always assumed those small moments meant nothing to you but this box told him a different story - you had been treasuring them all these years in your own way. This relationship wasn’t just part of a checklist, you had been emotionally invested in it since the beginning, since 10 years. 

Jun could only imagine how much his words must have hurt you that day…. Clearly enough to make you take such a big step. You didn't walk away because you wanted to. You walked away because of him. His words made you…. it was his fault. 

Walking over to the window, Jun glanced at your cafe, watching as you stepped out with a couple of bags in your hands, turning off the lights and locking the door. As you balanced your things in your hands, waving for a cab, Jun slowly realised….. Minghao was wrong. 

His only options weren't to either live with your memories alone or forget you and move on. There was a third one. One that Jun was about to choose. 

He was going to get you back. He had done it once and he could do it again. 

Jun was going to make you fall in love with him all over again. 

2nd February 2025 

Rubbing the back of your sore neck, you sat down at the benches outside the cafe, enjoying the cold. 

One might think you were stupid for sitting in the snow clad street in just a small dress and an apron but the heat of the coffee was getting unbearable. Sipping on your own coffee, you glanced at the hustle and bustle down the street. Everyone looked so busy, like they were navigating life with a purpose. This coffee shop had always been your purpose, the dream you had been living for almost a month now yet something felt unfulfilled. Something was missing. Before you could figure out what, a voice broke you out of your reverie. 

“Is the same drink, same table offer still going on?” 

Raising your head, you let your eyes find the man who interrupted the few minutes of your me-time.

“Mr. Wen Junhui.” You cleared your throat, letting the annoyance show on your face. “I believe I had asked you not to enter my shop?”

“You did.” Jun nodded, sitting down beside you, a few feet away. “And I did not enter your shop - technically I'm outside.” 

You glared at him, eyes narrowed. 

“Well since you're such an ardent follower of what I say, you shouldn't be sitting with me either because-”

“Because I need to have the same drink as you, right?” Jun cocked his head at you, raising his cup. “And I do.” 

“There's no way.” You chuckled, taking a sip. “I can assure you, you don't.” 

“Correct me if I'm wrong,” Jun took a sip, smiling to himself because he knew he was not wrong. No one knew you better than him. “But I think that's a caramel macchiato with hazelnut cream.”

Lips slightly parted in surprise, you stared at him. 

“M-maybe.” You muttered, taking a sip yourself. “But I still don’t think it’s the exact same-”

“Yeah, it might not be exact.” Jun shrugged nonchalantly. “Not like I’m lactose intolerant or anything but I felt like taking it with oat milk today.” 

The cup nearly slipped from your hand. You were lactose intolerant. You always took your coffee with oat milk. 

Choosing not to tell him that, you simply continued to stare at the busy crowd. Jun let out an inward sigh of relief knowing he had earned the place to sit next to you. 

“Y/n…” Clearing his throat, he corrected himself. Baby steps Jun. “Ms. Y/n I uh actually wanted to apologise about that day.”

You turned to him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. 

“I had actually just gotten out of the hospital that day and I don’t think the anesthesia wore off completely so I was apparently just going around and…. proposing marriage to various women.” 

You raised your eyebrows like you didn’t believe him. 

“It’s true, I spent the whole day today saying sorry to every business owner on this street…. And drinking the same coffee order as them. I think I’m going to have a tough time in the bathroom tomorrow….” 

Scoffing, you turned away from him and if Jun didn’t know you better, he wouldn’t have known you were hiding a tiny smile. 

“Again I’m really Ms. Y/n, I wish that didn’t happen and that we could have a fresh start. I was really looking forward to having coffee here.” 

Letting out a deep resigned breath, you stood up, chugging the last of your drink. Tossing the cup in the bin, you turned to him, clasping your hands before you politely, giving him a small smile. 

“Mr. Wen Junhui, welcome to Lonely Hearts cafe. We’re a small business that opened just a month ago so we’ve got some really good deals on coffee and cake. We even have a Valentine’s day event - you get to share a table with the person who has the same drink as you. I hope we see you around.” 

Returning your smile, Jun got up, giving a small shrug. “That Valentine’s day event is interesting - I would love to… be seen around.” He chuckled, holding his hand out. “It’s nice knowing you Ms. Y/n.” 

Glancing at his outstretched hand, you slowly took it, wrapping your fingers around it. Somehow on the cold winter day, there was a strange warmth radiating between the two of you. 

“It’s nice getting to know you too Mr. Jun.” 

3rd February 2025 

“You know, you don’t look like someone who enjoys coffee.” 

Jun turned at the sound of your voice, finding you right beside the door he just walked in. You had a tray in your hands and an amused smile on your face. 

“What makes you say that?” 

“The face you made yesterday?” You laughed as you walked in, Jun following behind you. “I’ve never seen someone look so disgusted while drinking coffee.” 

Jun suppressed a smile as he leaned against the counter. “Oh so you were watching me.” 

Rolling your eyes, you walked towards the machines. “I happened to see.” 

“The one yesterday was just too sweet.” He shuddered, recalling the taste. “My taste buds were dying.” 

“Well obviously it was sweet, it’s caramel.” You pulled out a piece of cake, putting it on the counter as a waitress walked over, taking it. “Did you expect it to taste like Malatang?” 

Oh Jun would love some Malatang right now. 

“No, but something told me your coffee would taste much better than that one.” 

You chuckled, pulling up a cup. “Is that going to be your order for today?’ 

“Nope.” Jun shook his head. “I’ll just have whatever you’re having.” 

“What I’m having?” You frowned, confused. 

“How else will I be able to share a table with you?” 

Jun could tell you were holding back a smile. “And why would you want to do that?” 

“I thought coffee with a side of conversation would be nice.” 

“I’m working.” 

“I’ll wait.”

“I only get off at 5.” 

“I’ll wait.” 

“And then I need to head straight home.” 

“I just need 10 minutes.” 

You raised your eyebrows like you were trying to figure out what his intentions were. Meanwhile, he looked at you determined, like he’ll wait for a lifetime, if that’s what it took. Sighing you pulled out a piece of cake and set it before him. Then changing your mind, you quickly swapped it for a couple of lemon biscuits and slid it to him. 

“They’re on the house.” 

And with that you tightened your apron and walked away, leaving Jun staring at his favourite biscuits on the counter. 

“Do you need any help?” 

You looked up from the table you were cleaning at Jun who was still here, his coat discarded, cheeks flushed red and eyes tired. 

“I have staff Mr. Jun.”

“She left.” He shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Told me to inform you.” 

“Huh.” You frowned. “She always stays till I close for the extra ten I hand her every day.” 

Jun remained silent, looking away.

“You paid her.” 

“I was just helping her go home fast.”

Sighing, you straightened yourself, crossing your arms. “Okay what is it, what do you want?” 

“I told you, a conversation.”

“Well that’s what we’re having right?” 

“Right…” Jun cleared his throat, unsure how to frame his sentences while you continued to look at him expectantly. When he didn’t say anything, you rolled your eyes and continued cleaning up. 

“I was thinking…” You held out the tray, making him quickly free his hands to hold it as you began stacking plates and cutlery on it. “You’re a woman.”

“Are you doubting it?” Frowning, you walked over to the trash can, Jun right behind, struggling to balance everything. 

“No! I mean I wasn’t thinking if you were a woman, more like I was thinking since you’re a woman and I’m a man….” 

Jun trailed off completely lost about where he was going with this till you relieved him of the weight in his arms, placing the tray in the sink. 

“Mr. Jun,” You untied your apron, tucking it on the rod of the drawer. “You only have 10 minutes.” 

“Okay okay.” Jun recomposed himself, watching you pack up your things for the night.  Looks like he just had to get straight to the point. “Yes I have 10 minutes right now, but my worry is, we only have 10 days.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It's Valentine's in 10 days….” Jun muttered below his breath trying to gauge your reaction. 

“Are you…” You narrowed your eyes at him unsure. “Is this your way of asking me out?” 

“No god,” Jun groaned, running his hands through his hair. “I swear I planned it so much better in my head-”

“Don’t.” 

And with that one word, you crushed everything. All the hope, the longing, the yearning.  

“Look Mr. Jun, normally I wouldn't go into the details but I don't want you to think I'm blowing you off but about a month ago, I got a Memory Wipe. I lost the last ten years of my life and I’m still trying to come to terms with how much things have changed.... I’m just not ready for any kind of commitment.”

“But….” Jun blinked at you confused. “You smiled…”

“Sorry?” 

“Yesterday and today…. I thought, you might also…” 

“Mr. Jun.” You sighed, donning your jacket, zipping up. “You’re a good looking man, you’re sweet and I can tell you’d be a good conversation but I didn’t mean for it to be more than that. I just assumed it would be some harmless flirting.” 

“I don’t want it to just be harmless flirting.” Jun shook his head. “I want something more. I like you and I want to-” 

“Like me, why?” You looked at him confused, grabbing your bags. “We’ve barely spoken more than 5 sentences to each other.”

We’ve been in love for more than 10 years Y/n. 

“I can’t explain it, it just…. feels right.” 

“Well I can’t function based on your whims and feelings, can I?” 

Jun stood frozen as you turned off the lights and opened the door, stepping out. Grabbing his jacket he followed you, watching you lost in thought as you locked the door before you turned to him. 

“Look, you seem like a nice guy and I’m sure you’ll find someone. It just can’t be me, I’m not in the space for it.” Adjusting the bags in your hands, you shot him an apologetic look.  “I’m sorry Mr. Jun.”

And with that you walked away, your figure moving further and getting smaller as cold winds returned to the city. For some stupid reason, Jun hadn’t anticipated this - he didn’t think about the possibility of you rejecting his advances. He just assumed the two of you would fall into the comfortable pattern of dating each other and everything would slowly return to normal. Your disappearing self was telling him otherwise….

No. 

Jun couldn’t allow this to happen. He couldn’t lose this chance.

“Wait!” Pulling his jacket over his shivering body, he ran to you, half tripping on the way. “Wait, please.” 

And you did, looking at his panting, coughing self standing in your way, trying to catch his breath. Searching your bags, you handed him a bottle of water but Jun ignored it, looking at you questioningly. 

“If whatever happened to you a month ago, didn’t happen, would you agree to go out on a date with a guy like me?” 

“I….” You looked around confused. “I don’t know.” 

“Do you have any other reason not to give us… to give me a shot?” Crossing his fingers, Jun tucked his hands in his pocket. “Any other reason to say no?” 

“Not really, no.” 

Bingo. 

“I’m sure the aftermath of the Memory Wipe hasn't been easy but life won’t stop just because you want things to pause.” Gulping he looked at you expectantly. “Look Y/n I too am in a space where things are difficult where I want to hit rewind, but I realised maybe it’s better to hit restart and I want to try that with you.” 

“Jun I…” 

“Here’s my suggestion, just hear me out.” He clasped his hands, ignoring the cold drafts. “Give me 10 days, just 10 days to change your mind about us. I know I can do it, I know I can make you see I’m worth it, that we’re worth it.” 

“You’re really not going to take no for an answer are you?” 

Jun shook his head, his face falling. “No I…. I don’t want to force you. I was just suggesting-”

“What if I’m not convinced in 10 days?” You sighed, looking at him unsure. “Will you leave the idea of ‘us’ behind and not pursue me anymore?" 

“It won’t come to that-” 

“If it does.” 

“If it does,” Jun took a deep breath. “Then you’ll never see me again. I promise.” 

And with that you went silent, like you were considering it. Jun prayed to all possible forces in the universe - please say yes, please say yes, please say yes. 

“Okay.” You agreed, slowly nodding your head. “You have 10 days. If I’m not convinced, then on the 10th day,  we’re done and we’re never seeing each other again, deal?” 

Smiling on the inside, Jun ignored the little victory lap his head was doing. “Deal.” 

“And you’re sure this will work?” 

Phone against his ear, Jun nodded confidently.

“Positive.”

“What if you’re just setting yourself up for heartbreak again?”

“I’m not.” Jun rolled his eyes. “I know I can get her back. This time I’ll be better-” 

“Haven’t you noticed?” Minghao voice was filled with caution. “She’s somehow not the same. The Y/n you knew was a hard core, cut throat lawyer. This Y/n is a barista who sells coffee and the idea of love.” 

Jun hummed in thought. “Maybe. But deep down, she’s still my Y/n and I’m her Jun. I know her better than anyone else, I can do this-”

“And if you can’t?” 

“Then I’ll live with it. But I can’t let her go without trying.” 

“And what if it still doesn’t work?” 

“I don’t want to consider that possibility.” 

“Jun be realistic. How on Earth do you plan on convincing a woman who thinks you’re a complete stranger, is struggling with her amnesia, and more importantly doesn’t want any commitment, to date you?” 

Jun sank into his couch, staring at the ceiling.  

“I have no idea.” He confessed.

“Exactly, what if things get worse for you-”

“Can you just for once be a tad bit more positive?” Jun sighed. “Look at the bright side of things. Like for example, Y/n knew I didn’t like coffee-”

“-you make the most disgusting face known to mankind when you drink it, anyone would know-”

“-and she knew I like malatang-”

“-you’re Chinese Jun. I think that was a safe guess-”

“-and she knew lemon biscuits were my favourite dessert.” 

This time Minghao went silent. 

“Nothing snarky to say?” 

When Minghao continued to keep quiet, Jun frowned, sitting up. 

“Hao do you think she… remembered?” 

“That’s not possible....” 

"You don't sound as sure as last time." Jun noted.

Minghao let out a deep breath, like he was frustrated. “Theoretically, a memory restoration is not possible but hearing you I.... I can't tell for sure - we're also still not done with the clinical trials so I cannot exactly negate the possibility."

"So,,," Jun's eyes widened. "You're saying there is a chance she might remember everything?"

"A really really small chance.....” Minghao emphasised. "Or it could just be that since Y/n has known you for ten odd years, some her actions are just reflexive - ingrained in her subconscious after years of habit." 

"But you're saying there's a small chance she might remember me again?"

Minghao sighed. Clearly, his friend wanted to just hear one thing.

"Yes. Perhaps if she's repeatedly exposed to you or to something of her past, she might remember certain things again-"

"Enough to make her want to come back to me?"

"I cannot promise that-"

"But I can try." Jun whispered, the cogwheels in his mind turning. "I have to try and Hao, I think I know exactly how."

"How-"

Cutting the call Jun tossed his phone aside and quickly grabbed the box he had stashed below the tea table, opening it. He ran his fingers again through all the memories you had saved, a small smile forming on his face.

Jun had 10 days to win you back - that meant he had 10 chances to remind you of all the good days the two of you shared. 10 memories he could recreate, ones that you yourself had stored in this very box. 10 ways he could prove 'us'..... was truly worth it.

And just like that, Wen Junhui knew exactly how to make you fall in love with him all over again. 

You stared at the photo hanging on your wall, arms crossed, eyes slightly damp.

You look so happy,....he looks so happy. 

Just like he did when you agreed to give him 10 days to woo you. 

Sighing you tore your eyes away and stared at the ground, blinking the tears away. 

“Just 10 days," You whispered, voice shaking. "….. and all of this will be over.” 

A/n - This fic is tbh very long and overwhelming so I thought its best to have it out in parts? I hope you enjoyed this part and stay tuned for the next too! Thoughts in comments and reblogs are very much appreciated my loves <3

[splatanastamprr]

Been thinking about this a while so as the Shattering Spirits are being rolled back soon here are my thoughts on the Sky Economy. a VERY long post.

Event Spacing (1)

I joined right after Season of Prophecy ended, Season of Dreams was to start in about 3~ weeks? not sure since it was a long while ago.

Later seasons I notice rather than getting up to a month of season downtime, we now get as little as less than a week to break between seasons. Season gaps became slim. Hardly time for off season daily candle quests that make racking up normal candles easier.

On top of this, “Days Of —“ Events became more and more prominent, being mashed on top of Travelling spirits and new off season cosmetics that cost white candles. There’s no room to breathe, its almost a punishment to players who’ve taken breaks from the game after burning out from having to candle run consistently just for new items. Cosmetics that they miss out on get price hikes from their original value in reruns with the new ticket system. It’s a cycle of fomo and it’s what’s killing the playerbase in the first place.

The lack of spacing seems pretentious in a way, since nearly with every update, a new game breaking bug is rolled out, makes it feel ironic since season down gaps have been cut for seemingly no reason.

Ticketing (2)

A while ago TGC added the ticket system denoting inflation in the sky economy, it was made to remedy the fact people can’t keep affording everything with candles.

Yes it did help somewhat, as the tickets are very easy to collect, but with 3 new ftp cosmetics that are bought with these tickets and some things costing up to a weeks worth of tickets it’s easy to have to skip these items because some people just don’t want to do more daily searching on top of the already daily quests from the questgiver.

Returning items not only are insanely expensive but additionally do not equate the energy spent grinding in their original release (The Days of Sunlight towels from last year have no right being that expensive whatsoever.)

Candles (3)

Early 2021, around March the Daily Light “Chevron” was rolled out as a way to farm light without feeling the pressure to grind insanely hard daily (since very many people were asking for a way to get candles more leisurely, since candle running was very time consuming)

It became redundant as the prices for candle items was driven up very far. Not to be so “back in my day” but genuinely the need to candle run extensively in the way we do now wasn’t as big as it is now.

This is funny. Because now I see people asking for the same thing. A faster, less grindy way to candle run.

the first in game event I participated in was the first Days of Bloom, the cherry blossom cape was 70 candles (which to me was VERY expensive at the time). The following year’s wisteria cape cost 105, then the next tulip cape cost 110. The first price driveup was already kind of nuts to me (is the cape really worth a 35 candle mark up to the first one?) It’s hard to even prepare with the aforementioned small event gaps, it’s punishing to newer players and players who’ve skipped events out of burnout without any time to prepare for candles unless you pay real money to get candles quickly.

Assuming an average person clears their chevrons daily (15-17 candles) and heart trades with their friends (-3 for every person traded with) it’s hard to afford everything that comes your way. Travelling spirit prices are near doubling what they used to, items now costing over 100 candles with the inclusion of the batshit expensive nesting shop it really burns people out knowing you can’t afford everything you want in a game you already grind daily in. It’s demanding.

IAP items (4)

Do I even have to talk about this. The Sunlight Chunky sandals cost more than you can buy actual sandals. Why are in game cosmetics costing up to $25 USD. Huh. I could buy a whole meal for that.

Cute little items cost only a dollar before but now they’re like $3 and its kind of bonkers to me. I have to pay $3 whole dollars for a tiny jellyfish on my shoulder. is this not crazy. im not crazy right? dont wanna get deep into this but jesus my wallet

So why do I care so much? (5)

Sky is a game I hold near and dear to my heart. But I notice people including myself have stopped playing for the same, very painful reason. The fact that Sky is very buggy with little to no compensation to players as well as the Economy being so. So very bad. as well as the shithole that was shattering (the hype for that season was so crazy because yay lore!!! no actually Fuck you crab stunlock 100000)

I know people will be “Well you don’t HAVE to buy — item”, but the game’s userbase is driven completely on grinding for new cosmetics. The active playerbase is driven on just candlerunning. The lore is interesting but there’s hardly anything in game to go off of, there’s little to no curiosity for what the game is and it’s story because it gets more and more arbitrary as TGC refuses to talk about it in game. (Jenova Chen saying that games are not an effective storytelling format really pisses me off sorry)

The cycle of fomo that is essentially required to keep the playerbase going just makes me feel like this game is made on popsicle sticks and prayers (thanks aspen for this line). I can’t find myself to love sky in the same way I used to as a moth.

anyways this is really messy. Sorry. but like damn this is kind of a sad thing to me. made this post because a rant on yt got misogynistic in the middle out of nowhere so i wanted to give my own take minus the misogyny

[shanastoryteller]

The fact that you wrote a 215k fic in the span of 4 months is the most terrifying thing I have ever beheld. It is nearly half the length of SIAT WHICH HAS BEEN ONGOING SINCE 2017 WHAT THE FUCK SHANA

AND ITS ALL FABULOUS QUALITY TOO??????

Like how??? Do you sleep?? Have you eaten?? Are you okay?? Blink twice if you have been held hostage

You are the person I both look up to and am scared of most now.

Incredible accomplishment, congratulations on finishing!!!

Thank you!!!

I do think doing to all straight through made it appear like way more than it actually felt writing it 😅

I've been hoping around with siat since I started! Although getting back into a more consistent schedule with that is one of my goals this year because I would actually like to finish that fic at some point

[hopeymchope]

The utter brilliance of Castlevania: Nocturne S1 (and the fucking pox of right-wing YouTubers)

I just rewatched Castelvania: Nocturne's first season, and it's so fucking excellent. Upon first viewing, I already thought it was probably the second-best season of animated Castlevania, but now? I think it's probably the best one.

The character relationships offer so much drama and emotion. The dialogue is both clever/witty AND moving. The directing of the action sequences has always been top-tier on this show, but the vocal performances make them even more engaging and involving. The way they've infused historical context into the story is absolutely brilliant.

Some of the weird story decisions RE: Dracula at the end of the first series' fourth season (not unsatisfying decisions, mind you, but still just... bizarre, if you're adapting this franchise) really stuck the writers in a weird position as far as how to move forward. I could think of maybe three solid possibilities: one which would undermine the ending of S4 completely, one which would require a HUGE leap forward into the modern day, and the third? Is basically what they did.

Bringing in Erzebet Bathory, the primary antagonist of Castlevania: Bloodlines, was certainly a valid approach for how to deal with the Dracula situation. Applying her to the Rondo of Blood/Symphony of the Night era is surprising, but not terribly so; it's not like her historical counterpart didn't already exist. I have some qualms with HOW they did this (why is she Russian now instead of Hungarian.... ?), but there's no denying that she serves as an effective antagonist.

Look at that; that's literally Maria's design in "Nocturne" right there.

As a fan of the games, this is obviously a different world but still an extremely familiar one. Seasons 3 and 4 of the first series felt like we were drifting farther and farther away from our roots in the games, but Nocturne brings us closer to that inspiration again. Richter and Maria look like they stepped right out of the PSP's "Dracula X Chronicles," with their costumes nearly identical... though of course, Richter eventually adds and embraces the headband from his original "Rondo" design. Maria is just a handful of years older than she is in Rondo/Dracula X Chronicles, allowing her to be far less of the out-of-place childish cartoon character that she comes off as in Rondo (or Castlevania Judgment, for that matter). I realize that was the POINT of her character in Rondo — to feel like she invaded from a totally different series — but the writers do a great job bringing her in line with the tone and characters of the animated series and overall franchise in Nocturne. The characters' powers and abilities are very much based in the games; we even get an (incredibly rousing!) rendition of "Divine Bloodlines" when Richter pulls off a "Grand Cross"-style magical attack for the first time in his life. It's exhilarating. And that's even without me getting into how Richter uses his triple-knife throw, or how we get the lore of the woefully underrated "Harmony of Dissonance" rolled into this show when a certain character makes a surprise appearance (to my immense delight).

Regarding the original four seasons... "I'm going to eat your soul, shit it out and and use it to smother your fucking girlfriend" was not the kind of dialogue I expected to hear from DEATH, of all people.

There are times in the original four-season run when it feels like it's trying a little too hard to be edgy and grimdark—times when the excessive gore and the insane use of profanity feels like it's screaming "I AM AN ADULT ANIMATED SERIES" in a way that's undermining its best qualities. But Castlevania: Nocturne is too confident to fall into such traps. The gore is there, the profanity is present, but it's only in service of exciting action, consistent characterization, and powerful storytelling; no lingering still shots of blood-spattered cribs for shock value are necessary. It's just a smash from start to finish, and after each episode, I find myself pondering the implications of certain lines and stories — thinking about the goddamn philosophical underpinnings of this animated show based on video games.

Nocturne is a prime example of how and why we're in a golden age of video game adaptions right now. This thing is BEGGING for a deep dive into its world, its lore, and its characters' worldviews. It's the kind of thing that would make for killer YouTube essays exploring all of its facets, because there is just SO MUCH here.

So when I go onto YouTube, and I only find one video that even says "It's not that bad" amidst a goddamned SEA of "This show's writing is shit and this series is fucking woke trash"??? That's when I know WE HAVE FAILED AS A FUCKING SPECIES.

These fucking right-wing YouTube dudebros are ruining our ability to think logically, they are MURDERING our media literacy. They are an absolute cancer. The fact that we don't have strong counterpoints out there against them is a crime; the right-wing grifters have totally conquered the algorithm.

I wish I had the skill or knowledge or even TIME to make videos of my own.

Fucking ugh.

[ladykailitha]

A Love For Christmas Part 5

Hey guys on to week three of the this lovely fic. It's nearly done, only one more chapter to write and the last two will be up next week just before Christmas!

Next up: ice skating! Robin and Eddie show off and Eddie and Steve get a little closer.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

~

The next thing I offered for them to do was maintain the pond that everyone used for ice skating.

It was an easy enough task, just scrape away the skate mark with a small sled pulled by one of the reindeer herd and the device on the back, then cover the pond with a thin layer of water to make sure the ice was kept at a consistent thickness.

All they had to do was after everyone had gone home, follow those simple instructions.

I hoped figured that they would be as exacting with the pond as they were with the snowpeople but again they proved out to surprise me yet again.

The first night I assigned the task to them, they hadn’t come in for dinner, and so I went in search of them.

I found them by the fire pits we kept around the pond to warm up between skates, sound asleep.

The reindeer had wandered off with the scraper still attached creating great big gouges in the snow, the water had flooded the pond and was creeping out over the banks, like some monstrous thing.

Quickly I turned off the water and released the reindeer. The poor thing bounded off in search of his own meal as soon as he was freed.

There was nothing to be done about the pond until the next day. There wasn’t much sun this time a year, and too soon there would be none, but the sun we would get the next day, would be enough to melt the pond back to its proper borders.

Gently I roused the elf.

They woke with a start and looked out at the pond in dismay. They looked up at me and sighed, “Why can’t I do anything right?”

I sighed too. I didn’t have an answer for the little elf. Their eyes welled up with tears and I held them close.

There must be something they were good at.

~

Steve pulled up to the rec center and gently placed his head on his steering wheel. His father had called that morning to yell at him for not coming into work.

He had tried several times to tell him that he had been dealing with vendors and things for Christmas party and that he had been given the time off to complete all of his tasks.

But still his father ranted and raved that Steve wasn’t applying himself like he should and that he needed to step up and be a man. Especially if he wanted to take over the business.

Steve couldn’t have imagined a worse fate than that. He struggled to keep up with his co-workers in meeting the same marks they did in their sleep.

And now he was going into another circle of hell. Ice skating. Something he hadn’t done since he was a kid.

He got up out of the car and walked toward the rec center. Robin had come through with the buying him a new coat, even though he told her she didn’t have to. It was nicer than his old tan overcoat. It was blue and woolen and lined with something soft and fluffy. He put it on and was instantly warm. He paired it with navy blue leather gloves and matching newsboy cap.

Steve wore his sneakers because he wanted to be able to slip his shoes off and on easily to put on his skates.

When he got to the rental line, he looked around and saw that everyone else had beaten him there. Sitting in his car with a sense of existential dread probably contributed to that. He got to the front of the line and gave him his shoe size.

“Figure or hockey?” the bored teenager asked dryly.

“Hockey.”

The kid turned around and grabbed the right size off the shelf and handed it to him, calling over his shoulder, “NEXT!”

Steve gulped and walked over to the seats and slipped off his shoes. Eddie spotted him and skidded to a stop in front of the wall.

“There you are, Stevie!” he greeted brightly. “I was starting to think you weren’t going to make it!”

Steve blushed as he strapped on his skates. He laced them as tight as he could and went to stand up. But he barely moved one half step forward and he was falling back onto the bench with a thud.

“Whoa!” Eddie said and trotted up to Steve doing the strange little chicken walk one does when they have skates on something other than ice.

He knelt in front of Steve felt the boot of his skate. “They’re the right size, but they’re aren’t keeping your ankles straight.”

Steve shook his head. “I’m wearing the right skates.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side and looked at him curiously. “Right skates?”

“Hockey skates.”

But when that didn’t seem to clear up Eddie confusion he said with a eye roll, “You know, the boy skates.”

“I didn’t know skates were gendered,” Eddie said in confusion. “Girls play hockey and there are shit ton of famous male figure skaters. Got several divisions of ‘em at the Olympics and everything. Who told you hockey skates were for boys and figure skates were for girls?”

Steve looked down at the ground mumbled something.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” Eddie apologized.

Steve looked up, his bottom lip quivering. “My dad.”

Eddie’s heart sank to his stomach as Steve went to explain that one and only time he’d been to a skating rink was when he was ten and he had innocently asked the attendant which type of skate would be easier for him and was handed a pair of figure skates.

He had excitedly ran out on to the ice, wobbling and happy. Until his dad spotted the skates on his feet.

It was the one and only time his dad had full on hit him. Called him all sorts of names that Steve didn’t want to repeat in polite company before dragging him off the ice and demanding their money back. Like how dare they give his boy girly skates!

Eddie cupped Steve’s cheek in his hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart. But let’s get you the proper skates and we’ll get you out onto the ice, okay?”

Steve nodded.

Eddie pulled the hockey skates off of Steve’s feet and took them back to the rental attendant. Within minutes Steve was wearing the tan figure skates on his feet and Eddie was gently, gingerly leading him out onto the ice.

“It’s scary,” Steve whined, his eyes squeezed shut, when they were only two steps from the wall.

“Reach out with your hand,” Eddie said, “and you’ll be able to touch the wall.”

Steve swatted the air blindly until it landed on something solid. He hesitantly opened one eye and saw that he had accidentally landed on Eddie’s shoulder. The man who was smiling at him fondly.

“Oops!”

Eddie laughed. “You’re fine. I’ll be your guide wall if you need me to be.”

Steve looked up at him in awe. “You’re really great, you know that, Eddie?”

Eddie’s already pink cheeks burned bright red. “I think you’re pretty great, too, Stevie.”

Robin and Max came streaking toward them and Steve raised his hands for impact.

An impact that never came. Steve cautiously opened his eyes to see Eddie dusting himself off of ice shavings. Ice shavings from Robin and Max’s perfect stop.

“Don’t torment the newbie,” Eddie was admonishing them. “Steve’s never been ice skating before.”

Max’s wide green eyes turned to him in shock. “But you live in Indiana,” she said, “how is it you’ve never gone skating!”

Steve just shrugged. “My parents aren’t summer people, we weren’t usually in Indiana during the winter.”

Which was only a half a lie. His mother wasn’t a snow bunny and when it was her turn to plan the Christmas vacation it was always somewhere warm and tropical.

“Rich people,” Max said, rolling her eyes.

“That must have been so nice,” Robin said with a smile. “I would love to go somewhere warm for the winter. Just once.”

She sidled up to Steve’s other side and took his arm. “All right, the way you want to do this, is first bend your knees a little and keep your upper body inline with your knees at about hip width apart.”

Steve followed her instruction and almost immediate could feel the difference in stability.

Robin and Eddie continued their instruction and soon Steve was fairly steady on the ice. Eddie came up to them and gently took Steve’s elbow from her.

“Go show off,” Eddie said with a grin. “I know you wanna.”

Steve looked up at her and tilted his head at her. “Do you know how to do tricks and stuff?”

“I’ve been skating since I was old enough to walk,” she muttered. “I’m okay.”

She started to skate off, but Eddie called her back. “Wait, I have an even better idea.” He looked around and spotted Max.

“Hey Mad Max!” he called out. “Come keep an eye on Steve for a moment.”

She was about to tell them to fuck off when she realized what was about to happen. “Oh hell yeah.”

She raced over to Steve and carefully lead him over to the side wall. “Stay there. You’re gonna want a front row seat for this.”

Then Max put her fingers to her lips and let out a piercing whistle. “Oi, dipshits! Get your asses off the ice! Eddie and Robin are going to show off!”

Suddenly Steve was mobbed by everyone else as they all lined the wall.

Dustin grinned from ear to ear. “You’re going to really love this, Steve. Eddie and Robin are soooo cool.”

Steve just nodded as Robin and Eddie got into position on the center of the ice.

“You sure you can keep up, Eddie?” Robin teased, elbowing Eddie in the ribs.

“Bitch I’ve got moves,” he replied with a grin.

They started off together, arms out and in perfect sync.

That was when Steve noticed for the first time that Eddie was wearing figure skates too. He knew that figure skates were good for beginners but watching Eddie and Robin glide on the ice, he knew that’s not why Eddie wore them.

“Double Axel,” Robin muttered, “in three, two, one!”

They both jumped into the air and spun twice, landing without so much as wobble.

“Lutz, double Lutz, Axel,” Eddie murmured back.

Jump, double jump, and turn.

“All right,” Robin said, grinning from ear to ear, “I think we’ve sufficiently warmed up. Let’s do this, pretty boy!”

They went through a whole routine and everyone was clapping and cheering them on.

“It’s a pity they’re both gay,” Dustin said with a sigh. “Otherwise they would be perfect for each other.”

“That’s homophobic,” Max hissed. “Like, seriously shut up!”

“I am not!” He put his hands on his hips and huffed. “I’m just saying it would be cool if they were a pair off the ice as well as on it!”

Steve bumped shoulders with Dustin. “Plus it’s not nice to out people like that. Everyone should get a chance to tell people when they’re ready.”

Dustin scoffed. “Dude, I’ve seen you flirt with Eddie. You’re gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.”

Steve pushed his shoulder. “Bisexual, thank you. Shit, kid. You don’t get to decide people’s sexuality for them.”

“Shhhh!” Mike hissed. “Just watch them.” He rolled his eyes.

Then they were done and everyone skated over to them.

“You guys were amazing,” Steve said a little breathlessly.

Eddie grinned at him.

They went to go take off their skates as the zamboni started to make its way on to the ice. Max at the helm with Robin riding along. They all piled through the same the opening, Eddie and Steve pulling up the rear.

Steve looked over his should at them. “I didn’t think they let teenagers run the zamboni.”

“Max knows her way round a rink and a zamboni better than most people,” Eddie said with a smile. “Her mom has worked at the rink every winter since she was twelve when they moved here from California.”

Steve looked back at Eddie. “That’s a long way to move.”

Eddie just shrugged. “Susan is from here and got tired of the constant sun.”

Then suddenly Eddie was grabbing him and hauling him up on to the rinkboard.

“Jesus H. Christ!” Eddie cried. “That’s cutting it awfully close, Maxine!”

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Max hissed hitting the kill switch. “Sorry, Steve! The damn wheel got stuck. Are you okay?”

Steve looked up at Eddie who still had a hold of him. “Yeah, yeah I am. Thanks to Eddie’s quick thinking.”

“I’ve got ya, darlin’,” Eddie replied softly.

~

Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

Tag List: COMPLETED

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @cryptid-system @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @steddieislife @tartarusknight

[horrorshow]

a season 4(ish) fic rec list focusing on the emotional aftermath of dean going to hell and coming back, and what could have been, for @spnficrecfest

WALLS COME TUMBLING by destina sam/dean, 3.2k, rated E Sam was stupid last time, when Uriel snatched Dean away without warning. Stupid, and unprepared. He won't make that mistake again.

NO ONE IS ASKING (SO LEAVE IT ALONE) by xzombiexkittenx sam/dean, 9.4k, rated E Everyone has their coping mechanisms. Sam’s getting everything under control, one step at a time.

THE EVERLASTING GAZE by fleshflutter cas & dean, 1k It's a strange thing to hate your saviour. Dean doesn't remember Hell, not really. He doesn't remember Castiel putting his hand on him, drawing him up through the fire and blood. But there's a huge, frozen horror hidden in the back of his head. It creeps into his other thoughts.

SLEEPING BEAUTY by deadlybride sam/dean, rated M, 1.3k March 12, 2009. Sam rescues Dean from Alastair.

MORALITY ENDS WHERE A GUN BEGINS by lazy_daze sam/dean, 3.1k, rated E Sam hates the handprint and stares at it when Dean comes out of the shower in just a towel. It hardly even makes him feel better to see the stark lines of Dean's tattoo still on his skin, the same mark over Sam's own heart.

HIT THE GROUND CRAWLING by jonny_vrm sam/dean, 28k, rated E After Sam pulls Dean out of Hell, Dean stops talking. It takes a week for Sam to convince Dean to open his mouth so Sam can check that his tongue hasn't been cut out. It takes two weeks for Sam to accept that Dean really isn't talking. Then it takes a week of silence, the two of them sitting in the Impala like ventriloquist dummies, sitting in motel rooms like human taxidermy, before Sam decides to start talking for the both of them.

DEVIL'S TRAP by ratherastory alastair/dean, 3.8k There is water dripping slowly onto the Devil's Trap, and Dean doesn't care. AU where Sam is unable to kill Alastair in 4x16, exploring Alastair's relationship with Dean further.

PASSION by deadlybride sam/dean, 2.5k, rated M Hell reflects its ruler. Hell is, always, essentially Hell.

YOU TAKE IT WITH YOU by lazy_daze sam/dean, 30k, rated E Sam saves the world, and he brings Dean back from a month in Hell, but that's when things start to get complicated. Dean's cheated death before, but this time, it's different – Dean's spirit is unable to re-enter his body. Can Sam and Bobby work out how to reunite Dean's body and spirit? And how will Dean cope if they can't? From hunts in the Chicago lakes to visits to the Grand Canyon, with dreams, handjobs and hookers along the way, Sam and Dean ride it out and learn all over again how to live this life and live it together.

EMPTY SPACES by mariahlee dean, dean & sam, gen, 4.3k Hell? Consistent. He knew what to expect. Now, topside, everything is different. The world he used to know forty years ago is almost completely unfamiliar.

HANGMAN IS COMING DOWN FROM THE GALLOWS by withdiamonds sam/dean, 28k, rated E Today is the last day of Dean Winchester's life. Today is the last day of Dean Winchester's life. Today is the last day…

I ONLY DREAM OF YOU, MY BEAUTIFUL by sophie_448 sam/dean, 1.2k, rated M The last hours of the year are ticking by, and Sam realizes that there's no way to save Dean.

THE FIRESTARTER by jaimeykay dean & alastair, gen, 13k Set during On the Head of a Pin. While he waits for Dean, Alastair reminisces on what brought them together. Those forty years? Were delicious.

LIKE ROCK SALT WITHOUT A SHOTGUN by lazy_daze sam/dean, 2.8k, rated M Sam thought maybe, when it was all over, when he'd used his powers to their limit and stuffed all the demons back into hell and vaporized Lilith and nearly killed himself in the process -- he'd thought maybe they'd go.

THE DEVIL'S WATER IT AIN'T SO SWEET by xxamlaxx alastair/dean + cas/dean, nc-17 Dean comes back from hell with something extra.

HUNGRY AND HALLOW by hathfrozen sam/dean, 14k, rated E "Sorry," Dean gasps, going to tug the gun away, throw it to the floor, probably. It’s different—it was never okay, and this is—it’s different, what the fuck is he doing. Sam says, “Don’t," as he stretches his neck out and to the side slightly, opening it up to the cool press of the metal barrel.

HOWL VERSE by paxlux sam/dean, 85k, rated E In Hell, people change. Or they stay the same.

I FEEL FLAMES AGAIN by fleshflutter sam/dean, 12k, rated R Following a failed apocalypse, Dean nurses Sam through his addiction to demon's blood, which has driven Sam to horrific things.

FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD by deadlybride sam/dean, 2.4k, rated E Sam does what he has to do.

SO FAR FROM YOUR WEAPON/DIG, LAZARUS, DIG by maypoles sam & dean, gen S4, Dean has an especially effed up relationship with pain now, Sam finds out/realises / After "On The Head Of A Pin," Dean has a bit of a breakdown.

[indelibleme]

Detective Conan | Magic Kaito Fic Recs

I've realised I write consistently for only one fandom at any given time (DCMK lol), so here are some of my (completed!) works that I'm quite proud of! (Titles in order of posting, newest to oldest)

Yōkai? Ryōkai! : Chps 1/1. 12k words. KaiShin. Shinichi and Kaito finding a place with each other while solving a yokai murder mystery. (Written for the DCMK Secret Santa Event 2023!)

All Things Bright And Beautiful : Chps 1/1. 15k words. KaiShin. In which Prince Kaito and enemy Knight Kudo Shinichi really have no business falling in love, stuck on the brink of a political firestorm, but they do so anyway. Enemies to friends to lovers. (Written for the DCMK Secret Santa Event 2022, rated E)

Wilting Beauty, Blooming Nightshade: Chps 7/7. 22k words. KaiShin. Hanahaki AU! Kaito has been pining for nearly 5 years now, as the flowers he coughs out reminds him. Caught in a murder mystery on a cruise liner, he has (probably) his last chance to confess his feelings. (Written for the KaiShin Reverse Bang 2022.)

Includes 4 gorgeous pieces of coloured artwork and 5 sketches by my artist partner of the event @rux363

Two Is Company : Chp 1/1. 2k words. KaiShin. Post-canon slice of life, where Kaito and Shinichi meet as professors in a university.

The Ace Up Your Sleeve: Chps 7/7. 16k words. KaiShin. Post-canon. Kaito attempts to play detective when a case involving a BO member surfaces after years of inactivity. And the enemy is not who he expected at all. (Written for the KaiShin Reverse Bang 2021)

Under The Full Moon: Chps 1/1. 4k words. Gen fic. There is a ghost on the loose, with spirit detectives Kudo and Hattori on the case. Kaitou Kid would just like to get out of this mess. (Written for the DCMK Halloween Exhange 2020)

In the Name of Science! : Chp 1/1. 1k words. Crack fic. Humor. Akako and Ai decide to collaborate on a project, and Hakuba suffers for it.

Jar, Not Jewel: Chp 1/1. 1k words. KaiShin. A take on the acquisition of Pandora, and its aftermath. (Written for a Fandom Games event on Tumblr)

Hyacinths and Roses : Chp 1/1. 5k words. KaiShin. A heist stake out and a police stake out cross paths. A thief is asked to "lend a hand" in help. (Rated E)

A Case of Identity: Chps 10/10. 49k words. KaiShin. Identity reveal AU. Post-Conan, Shinichi meets Kaito, as Ran's to-be-boyfriend.

Silver Bullet: Chps 3/3. 7k words. Vermouth, on meeting the two most important people of her life.

Kindly Cruel: Chp 1/1. 2k words. KaiShin. Detectives are like sharks in the ocean, ruthless hunters after blood, and Shinichi especially so.

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

The Hope in the Fault Lines, part 1

Summary: after your sister and her husband are tragically killed, you become the guardian of their daughter, your niece. As you try to pick up the pieces of your life, you become aware that you need help. Desperately. So you hire a nanny. Enter Mingyu, an ex-agent-turned-childcare-professional with a past of his own.

Genre: fluff, heavy themes, (light) smut in later parts (minors DNI)

Warnings: (applies to most of the parts) descriptions of grief, mental illness, disordered eating, instant parenthood, loss of sibling, vehicle-related death, police investigation, child custody court, parental abuse

Word count for pt 1: 4.3k

part 2 | part 3 | part 4

Why aren’t I numb yet? you think to yourself.

Because really, you should be there by now. Hell, you’d even planned to be there by now so you could go back to work. But here you are — standing in your seven-month-old niece’s bedroom, crying along with her, the agony in your chest building like water that slowly heightens to a boil, its persistent, grief-tinged bubbles roiling in time with every pointless beat of your absolutely shattered heart.

You stroke the back of your niece Sara’s head and made soothing noises as well as you could around your own tears. Surely, at some point, she had to stop crying, right? Then maybe you could get back to sleep, which so far has been the only semi-consistent way to forget the grim truth of your reality.

Which was that your sister, Jeri — the proper mother for this fussing thing in your arms — and her husband, Jisung, were dead. That was why you were here, with a child who was missing the same person you were missing but had much less of a vocabulary to express it, so she just cried and cried and cried until you realized she was voicing your own internal monologue. Both of you were hoping that she’d walk in any minute and hold you and make the world stop its incessant spinning for a moment.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I’m sorry you only have me. I’m sorry that’s the best I can give you.” You stifle a sob. “I’m sorry that she’s gone. I miss her too.”

Eventually, Sara’s wails quieted, and she slumped against your shoulder, exhausted. You collapsed into the chair in the nursery, exhausted enough to fall asleep immediately, holding Sara in your arms.

You were awakened by the sound of the door opening. Had you forgotten to lock it? You suddenly panic, gently placing Sara’s still-sleeping form into her crib before tiptoeing into the hallway, colliding with your best friend, Bora.

“Did I not lock the door?” you blurt in shock.

She looks you up and down. “No, you did,” she reassures, her worried look intensifying. “I’ve had a key for five years.”

You deflate in relief. “Right,” you say aimlessly, looking at her. “Okay. Um…coffee?”

“Girl, I should be making you coffee,” Bora said. She put a hand to your forehead. “You’re ill, sweetheart.”

You blink at her. “I am?”

“Undoubtedly,” she confirms, leading you back to your bedroom. “Don’t worry about Sara. I’ll be here all day, so you just rest, okay?” She nearly pushes you onto your bed, and pulls a blanket off the floor to tuck around you.

You take stock of yourself. Head aching -- that wasn’t new. Eyes dry and puffy -- same as always. No, the only difference you could tell from last night is a hollow, cavernous emptiness in your chest where the clawing agony used to sit. Right on cue, the numbness has begun to engulf you.

You pass the day in a haze, only briefly aware of the activities of Sara, who at seven months old is only fussy around strangers when it gets dark, and your friend. You simply lay there in bed, not sleeping despite your tiredness, not even able to muster up the energy to reach for the food Bora brings you at midday. In fact, the sun is setting before you’re able to become conscious, sitting up and rubbing at your stinging eyes as Bora comes in to check on you.

“What about Morrie and Cal?” you ask her, referencing Bora’s own daughter Morna and her husband Calvin. “Did you really leave them all day?”

Bora nodded. “Yeah, Cal’s got it. Which is what I wanted to talk to you about.” She brushes your hair out of your face in a motherly way. “You need help here.”

“I’m not getting married anytime soon, Bo,” you say dryly.

“I’m not talking about marriage,” she says. “I’m talking about a nanny.”

You bite your lip. “Are you saying I’m bad at motherhood?” you ask, and if you could sound hurt through all the nothingness you feel, you’re sure you would.

“No,” Bora says gently. “I’m saying you didn’t bargain for motherhood on top of dealing with your grief, and you still have a whole life ahead of you that needs your attention, outside of this apartment. You have a job you love that you really need to get back to -- for you, sweetheart, not for the company, because I know that the work you do makes you happy. You need more time like that, more time for you. I know there’s a big difference in the circumstances, but when I became a mother, having Cal as a partner made it really easy for me to do things outside of the house that gave me purpose. It really helped me get a handle on myself outside of motherhood so that I could maintain a healthy relationship with Morrie without resenting her or losing myself. And honestly, you need that. We all do. And since marriage isn’t the move right now, and you have the means, a nanny might be the best possible thing for you.”

You nod slowly. “So they’d just come watch Sara while I’m at work?”

She nods. “They can be here as much or as little as you want.”

“Okay. How do I make sure they’re not a child snatcher or a pervert?”

Bora snorts. “Well, I’d recommend interviewing them so that your spidey-senses can alert you to any potential creeps,” she advises.

“I’m tired just thinking about that,” you groan. The phone begins to ring, and you check the ID — it’s your head editor, Cory.

You answer. “Hey,” you say, trying not to sound as dead inside as you are. “What’s up?”

“How are you doing?” he asks, his tone hesitant. This was one of the worst parts of tragedy, you thought to yourself: the awkwardness. Suddenly there was no comfort anywhere. Nobody knew what to say to you, or how to address the event, so everyone skated around it and you in a cautious dance of embarrassment and pity. Part of you wishes someone would just acknowledge it -- “so, your sister is dead,” and then move on.

“I’m fine,” you lie. “I should be back to work...soon. I just need to find a nanny for my niece.”

“Oh, that’s...that’s good,” Cory says, sounding surprised. “I wasn’t actually calling about that, I was actually just...worried about you.”

You sigh. “Everybody is, Cory. But I’ll pull through this. I always do.”

“I know,” he says, “and I trust that you will. I just...wanted you to know that we’re -- that I’m thinking of you.”

You try to feel curious about his choice of words, but can’t muster the energy to care that much. “Thanks, Cory,” you say. “I’ll let you know if I need anything.” Another lie, but the last one you feel compelled to tell him. “Bye.”

Bora is looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “He seems friendly,” she says, and through the haze that seems to coat your brain you know she’s making an implication.

This is yet another thing you don’t have the energy to address right now, so you don’t. “So, I need to interview nannies.”

“Well, you could also have your assistant do it,” Bora offers. “She’d lay on train tracks for you. I’m sure she’d do a good job.”

The corner of your mouth twitches as you think of making Emily, your eager assistant, vet nannies for Sara. She was young and enthusiastic and proactive, and she’d do a great job. “I think that’s a good idea,” you say. “Thanks, Bora. I know I haven’t been -- well, I know you have better things to do than worry about me, and I’m s--”

“Don’t you dare finish that thought,” she says, holding her manicured hand up to silence you. “You have people around you who care about and love you. Me included. This is the time where you need to lean on those people. And we all want that.”

“Thank you,” you say again.

“Eat,” she says sternly. “I need to get home, but I refuse to leave Sara with you until you’ve got food in your body.”

You wrinkle your nose at the idea of putting something in your mouth and chewing, but you realize that Bora’s made you some kind of thick, creamy soup that requires nothing but small sips. It’s easy to eat, and before you know it, despite not really tasting it as it passed through your lips, you’ve finished the bowl. Bora nods approvingly, leaning in and kissing your forehead before standing up to leave. “I love you, sweetheart,” she says. “Call me in the morning, okay?”

And with that, she leaves.

***

Six days later, you’re somewhere that you never expected to be at this point -- at dinner with your friend Gwen and her husband, Chan. Bora had showed up, instructed you to get ready, and taken Sara home with her as the couple had showed up at your front door. “You need a night out,” she insisted as you halfheartedly protested.

You had taken her advice and asked Emily to start interviewing nannies, but so far, her search for someone who could be there during your required time period and had the right background checks and qualifications had come up with very few results. This was a bit disheartening, but you hadn’t really given up yet, hoping someone would pull through for you. If you believed in God at this point, you’d probably pray for it.

These are the thoughts that are consuming you at dinner with your friends, when you’re supposed to be listening to them talk. They, gratefully, are a comforting pair, who make a point not to look at you with the customary pity. Instead, they ask about work and Sara and even about your thoughts on how the funeral had gone, which is kind of a relief -- none of that timid skirting around the big, ugly elephant in the room. Maybe this openness they’ve pulled out of you is the reason you feel you can speak to them about your current issue. “Actually, I’m trying to get back to work,” you say. “Those bills aren’t going to pay themselves. The only issue is, I need to find a nanny for Sara, but my assistant has been having trouble finding someone who fits the bill,” you explain, picking at the food in front of you.

To your surprise, Chan’s eyes light up. “I might know a guy. He used to work with me, and he just moved back here after awhile.”

You stare at him. “Chan, aren’t you a federal officer?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he says.

“Why would a federal agent want to work as my nanny?” you ask him.

“Former federal agent,” he corrects you. “Turned nanny.”

“You know someone who quit being a secret agent to become a child-care worker?” you say in disbelief.

Gwen nods. “Actually, he’s really good. The family he was just with fell on some hard times, which is why he’s back now, but I think he might be looking for a new gig.”

You bite the inside of your cheek. “You got the contact information for this guy?” you ask Chan.

“Yeah. His name’s Mingyu. I’ll forward the info on to Emily.”

“Thanks,” you say. “Really, Chan.” You allow yourself to hope for a moment, which provides just the right amount of energy to finish dinner and make your way back home. Once you’re inside your wreck of an apartment, which hasn’t been really cleaned since the accident, you lean heavily against the door, releasing a big breath.

You head to Sara’s room before realizing she’s still at Bora’s house. You text her that you’re home, and before you know it, Bora is handing a sleeping Sara back into your arms.

“She was really good today,” Bora whispers. “How was dinner?”

“It was...okay,” you say, and for the first time, you’re honest. For some reason, you feel like this Mingyu person is the one who’s going to stick, and that leaves you with a modicum of relief. A change is coming, and this one feels like it’s bound to be better than whatever you’re trying to do now. Bora leaves, and you go to the nursery -- the one room that’s intact and clean -- and sink into the rocking chair with Sara.

“Sometime soon, we’re going to have someone to help us out, Sara,” you promise. “I know this isn’t the life your parents probably imagined for you, but I’m going to try and give you something close to what they wanted you to have. I mean that.”

Slowly, you pull her off your shoulder to look at her cherubic little face -- at the black curls that surround her face, her long eyelashes fluttering in sleep. She’s a darling baby, but what you notice is something that penetrates through the cloud of numbness: she’s smiling, her little dimples so reminiscent of --

“Jeri,” you breathe, and a rush of warmth hits you right in your chest for a moment before it’s once again extinguished by your grief, like a flaming arrow shot into a dark, black lake. You suppose, as you hold her close to you once again, that in a way, Sara has immortalized your sister.

You fall asleep holding Sara, who for the first time since she became yours sleeps through the night.

***

You’re standing in your sweatpants, braless, your hair thrown haphazardly on top of your head, feeding Sarah some baby food as she babbles happily in her high chair, when the doorbell rings. You check your watch in disbelief -- it’s seven in the morning, which is the time you had asked Mingyu to show up for his first day of work. You’d never met him in person, although you had talked to him on the phone, and you’d wanted to make a good first impression. But then Sara had had a blowout, and you’d had to change your own sheets because she’d slept in your bed with you, and then you’d had to bathe her (it was that bad), and you were finally getting to feed Sara. You hadn’t even eaten yet, and you’d planned to be fully ready and put together by the time he arrived.

But there was no postponing this -- you couldn’t just let him rot on your porch. So you head for the door, praying Sara won’t throw the spoon on the floor as she has been wont to do recently, and look through the peephole. When you see him, the only thing you can do is whisper “shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.”

Because how could Emily not have told you that the man was beautiful?

And he isn’t beautiful in like, your everyday way either. The man on your porch is tall, probably dwarfing you by both head and shoulders, with a broad chest that pulled at the simple black tee he wears and arms that the pre-accident you would have swooned over. His hair is cropped short like a fed, and he is dressed practically, and yet, he was a god. There was no other way around it. You look down at yourself -- stained t-shirt, sweats with holes in embarrassing places, hair in disarray -- and shrug. There’s nothing you can do but pull the door open. “Hi,” you say. “Mr. Kim?”

“Yeah,” he replies, and he doesn’t seem to register your haggard appearance, just smiles. “I’m guessing you’re --”

“Yeah,” you confirm. “Um, please come in.”

He does, carefully removing his tennis shoes and stepping into the entryway. “Sara’s in the kitchen. Probably throwing stuff.”

He chuckles. “She’s seven months?”

“Yeah,” you say.

“They do that,” he says conspiratorially.

It has taken you very little time to realize you might be in trouble. Mingyu’s smile is open and warm, his eyes full of life. He is nothing like the gruff, stern former agent that you were picturing in your head. You watch him crouch to greet Sara, whose face lights up at his friendly wave. “Hi, Sara,” he says, brushing a bit of blended squash off her nose. “You’re a cutie, that’s for sure.”

“I’m so sorry for the mess,” you can’t help but say. “It’s...it’s been insane.”

He looks up at you. “I get it. Your assistant kind of explained the situation. How are you holding up?” he asks.

You scratch the back of your head. “Well, Sara’s still alive, and that’s pretty much the extent of my current goals, so I guess we’re doing pretty well, all things considered.”

He nods sympathetically. “Honestly, great job. Becoming an instant parent can’t be easy.”

“I actually need to be at work at 8:30,” you suddenly realize. “Can I show you around? I’ll have to dash right afterward.”

“Yeah, sure,” he says, following you down the hall.

“This is the guest room,” you say. “It hasn’t been touched for a minute, but this is where you’ll sleep if we ever need you to stay overnight. I occasionally have business trips.” You lead him further down the hall and up the short staircase, opening the door to the nursery. “Right there is the bathroom. This is Sara’s room, so when she goes down for naps, this is where you can put her.”

You look at him, and his face is thoughtful as you point down the hall. “Door at the end is my bedroom,” you say, remembering what an absolute disaster it is. A blush rises in your cheek. “And please,” you say, going back down the stairs. “You can make yourself at home. Feel free to use the TV while Sara’s napping, or eat what’s in the fridge or pantry if you’re hungry.”

“Okay,” he agrees.

You pull out your wallet and hand him a card. “This one is for you. If you ever feel like eating anything or going somewhere with Sara, you can use this. I opened it for you specifically -- I figured it’d be easier than reimbursing you.”

He pockets it. “Sounds good,” he says.

You stand there, feeling awkward. “Well, I think that was all.”

He nods. “Go get ready,” he says reassuringly. “If I need something or have any questions, I’ll shoot you a text. Is that okay?”

“Of course,” you say in relief. “Thanks.”

You nearly sprint upstairs and jump in the shower. It takes you two minutes to do everything you need to do -- you’ve been taking micro-showers since you took Sara in, terrified that something would happen to her in your absence. Watching the time, you blow your hair dry, apply simple makeup, and change into a comfortable pair of black slacks and a white button-up. You arrive downstairs to see Mingyu at the sink with Sara, having sat her in the crook of his arm so he can wash her sticky face.

The sight of them warms your heart. “Okay, I’ve gotta dash,” you say. “Please, reach out to me if you need anything.”

He smiles. “I will. Drive safe.”

“Okay,” you say, bounding out the door and into your car.

The office hushes a bit when you walk in. They knew you were coming back today, but it must be surreal after the three months you’ve been gone, especially when this is your magazine -- you’re the only person at the company who’s been there since the beginning, because you started it. Cory is quick to hop to your side. “Hi, boss,” he greets. The rest of the office goes back to their activities as you enter your large, glass-paneled office.

“Hi, Cory,” you say. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” he says, seemingly lost for any other words. “It’s good to have you back.”

“Thanks,” you say. “So, update me. Where are we at with the Serena Williams feature?”

“She was super understanding, and the publishers were too,” he says. “Ruby wrote a great piece, though, so as soon as we’ve got the green light we’ll start the launch. I’ve got Jojo on the social media build, and she’s got a two-on-one scheduled with us later to go over it.”

You nod in approval. “Okay, sounds good. I’m gonna contact Park Seojun’s agent today, so I’d like a list of writers you think could write that story well before our meeting with Jojo. I’m thinking we use someone in-house, but I’m open to contracting out if you’re worried people in the office already have too much to do.”

Cory gives you a thumbs up. “Got it,” he says, heading back to his desk.

You breathe in your office air, feeling some of the tension in your shoulders dissolve. You can’t say you’re happy, per se -- but you aren’t as empty as you have been. Bora had been right -- getting back to work is going to be good for you.

***

Toward the end of the day, though, you begin feeling a strange pull -- a pull toward home. You know Mingyu and Sara have been fine, because Mingyu has been texting you periodically throughout the day:

9:49

MG: hey, we’re out of wet wipes over here. do you have any extra boxes?

You: yeah they’re in your bathroom under the sink!

MG: okay I should’ve thought to check there, thanks! You saved my life haha

You: no worries! Is everything ok?

MG: yeah its good, no need to stress. Sara just needs a diaper change.

You: ok, sounds good! Thanks!

11:30

MG: sara reeeeeeeeeeeally likes pears

You: oh yeah they’re her favorite lol

He’d sent you a video of Sara screeching with joy as he put a spoonful of pear mush into her mouth.

MG: like i’ve never seen anyone so enthusiastic about pears

You: i love it when she screams at her food, that’s the best

MG: me too its so cute haha

1:43

MG: ok i forgot to ask

MG: how long are her naps supposed to be

You: tbh I usually let her sleep an hour or so...i should probably do research on what’s developmentally appropriate

MG: lmao nah i gotchu

Then a few minutes later:

1:52

MG: so apparently huckleberrycare.com suggests 2-3 hours of daytime sleep for kids sara’s age

You: damn, that’s a long time

You: well, i guess let her sleep? She might not stay down that long, but we can adjust her routine a bit to try and get her there

MG: sounds good. Is she a light sleeper? She’s on me rn and i don’t want to wake her up if i move her

You: oh no you can totally put her in her crib lol she won’t wake up

MG: ok thanks haha my arm was kind of going numb bc i was too scared to change positions lmao

You: hahaha yes you’re totally fine to put her in as soon as she goes to sleep usually

MG: great to know, thanks lol

And more throughout the day, littered with photos of Sara in varying states of ridiculousness. You found yourself actually smiling as each text rolled in, grateful for the updates, knowing you would’ve felt a lot more anxious if you hadn’t heard anything.

Still, you didn’t want to keep Mingyu waiting too long. He was supposed to get off at 6, and you wanted to make sure he didn’t feel like you were taking advantage of him. So you left work earlier than normal, beating the rush hour traffic and coming through the door to see Mingyu playing with your niece on the floor. He looks up at you as you come in and waves you over. “She rolled over just barely,” he whispers excitedly. “Watch!”

Sara struggles, whining a little bit, before rolling from her stomach to her back. You clap excitedly, lifting her from the floor into your arms and kissing her pudgy cheek. “Good job, Sara!” you coo, and she burbles happily, touching your face with a fat hand.

Suddenly, you notice something -- the house is clean.

“Mr. Kim,” you say slowly, “did you clean my house?”

He suddenly looks sheepish. “Uh, yeah, I did,” he says. “I’m sorry if that was...I don’t know, not my place.”

“Are you apologizing for cleaning?” you ask him, amused. “I feel bad you felt the need to do that! I shouldn’t have -- have let it get so bad.”

He gives you an extremely gentle look that you are sure he didn’t intend to make your knees go weak. “You’ve been through a lot recently,” he says. “I think you should be kinder to yourself. Also, there was a time when I was in college and living with roommates, and it was way worse cleaning up after some of them.”

“Well, at least there’s that,” you say, returning his smile with Sara propped on your hip.

You stare at him for a minute, and then shake yourself. “Well, I’m here now, so I guess you can...go?” You make a face at your phrasing. “I’m not trying to kick you out. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to stay past your hours.”

He chuckles. “It’s okay. I get you. Have a good night.” He heads for the door, calling over his shoulder. “Actually, I made some fried rice this afternoon. The leftovers are in the fridge. Help yourself.”

Your jaw drops. “Wait a minute, Mr. Kim,” you call after him, following him on his way out.

He turns around, smiling at your tone. “You can call me Mingyu,” he offers.

You nod. “Okay, Mingyu. You cooked, cleaned, and took care of Sara while I was at work?”

“Yeah,” he says, a laugh in his voice. “Is that so odd?”

“I never managed to do all three in one day,” you admit ashamedly.

“Well, I’m not mourning the loss of my sister,” he reminds you, and his voice is a bit stern. “That kind of thing takes a lot of energy.” He rests a big hand on your shoulder comfortingly before opening the door. “See you tomorrow.”

[bobbydagen24]

some Head Cannons about Bro zone inspired by the fact literally everyone else has been doing these posts lol.

I think Floyd and Clay would end up trying to live with Branch in the Bunker but would find it too hard for multiple reasons one being Branch actually has loud night terrors often. that no one knows about but its actually one of the reasons why he still chooses to live so far away from everyone else in the village and Floyd and Clay are kept awake at nights just hearing him loudly screaming and shouting.

and one on occasion when they did try to wake him it resulted in Branch springing up and attacking them throwing one of them to the ground and pulling a weapon out of his Hair and nearly hitting them with it until Branch finally snapped out of it and realised where he was.

kinda helping Floyd and Clay realise for the first time how deeply affected Branch is by his past to the point he's still on such High alert even in his own home.

2. whenever Bro zone have any sort of arguments even if their not 100 percent serous and just mostly petty sibling Banter Branch still gets visibly afraid.

and nervous maybe even trying to defuse the situation but his voice and body language making it clear he's genuinely nervous which actually stops the other bros in their tracks.

and they try to reassure him the family isn't breaking up and its just normal sibling banter but regardless Branch isn't able to tell the difference between serous family shattering arguments and just normal day to day sibling banter.

so the bros try and make it more clear in the future that their just mostly joking around as opposed to seriously fighting amongst each other.

3. John Dory used to be a pretty social party animal but after spending over 20 years traveling with just Rhonda for company he's actually a pretty anti social person now.

tho he doesn't like to admit it and he tries to put on the persona of the social party animal in front of his Brothers he actually finds big crowds and meeting new people to be super stressful.

4. Bruce gained most of his extra weight in the immediate aftermath of his and JDs big fight as he stress ate for quite a while afterwards tho in present day he tries to hide this fact to avoid making JD feel bad since he can tell he's genuinely changed since then.

5. Floyd would be the one to try and encourage his Brothers to actually talk about their more negative feelings towards each other meanwhile the others just want to leave it as they are seem to be doing fine in present day.

and they don't want to bring up the uncomfortable stuff from the past again but Floyd would think its healthy that they do so.

6. if/when Branch and Poppy do get engaged each of the Bros will be excitedly waiting in anticipation to see which of them Branch picks to be his best man and Teasing each other over it.

only for Branch to shatter their Dreams when he announces that he's chosen Gary to be his best man ( this HC assumes that Gary gets added to the movie cannon at some point ).

and his bros are all weirded out and confused and some of them even think its just a Joke at first but when it becomes clear he isn't Joking.

some of them even sorta angrily confront Branch on how he could choose a friggin Remote Control over any of them only for Branch to cut the none serous casual attitude he'd had up to this point and tell them.

that yes he knows Gary is an inanimate object but he's been a more consistent comfort in his life than any of them ever have and well its his wedding so if they can't accept that then he doesn't want them there.

7. Branch would be a little bit resentful about the fact that Bruce went off and started a new family forgetting all about him while he waited for all of them to come back over the years.

he wouldn't outright tell him this due to fear of stirring the pot amongst the family when they've only just gotten things back on track.

but it'd end up coming out one way or another and Bruce would show a bit of growth and actually be understanding of why Branch would feel this way Rather than judging him for it.

meanwhile JD would would say he also felt pretty hurt by this only for Bruce to casually brush it off since he really doesn't give a crap if it hurt John's ego 😂😂😂😂

[ultra-raging-ghost]

oughhhhh rant under the cut about bads babies

Sorry im so ill about bad's kids tonight

I can imagine dapper obviously looks like him, but pomme looks like him, especially in her face.

I think the difference in dapper and pomme is Dapper follows in bad's current footsteps, self sacrificial and experimental but in a much different way than pomme. Dapper follows after bad in the way that he pays attention, and has been around long enough to listen to bad's stories and learn from them rather than having to experience them, but pomme's so little....

Being not only Bad's kid but etoiles and antoines..... A warrior with a strong moral compass, a seemingly passive immortal eldritch being, and another immortal being but not passive, with his own moral compass that differs from other people because of how long hes been around...

Etoiles is in his early years for lack of a better term, living what we can presume for now is a human lifespan, his morals as far as we can tell is based on those he loves, and maybe bad has that type of moral compass too, but theres such a strong difference when you've lived for as long as bad has.

As far as i know, Antoine doesnt talk as often about his lifespan, but Bad has actively and openly told his kids about people he's loved and lost, maybe not with the intentions of instilling any lessons in there but what else are we supposed to get from them??

Vesuvius, the unnamed lover from 500 years ago, hell even skeppy isnt around right now, although hes still alive.

I think theres a difference between them because Dapper, being bad's kid, was always under the expectation that he would outlive those he loved aside from bad and maybe foolish. We can see the extension of how bad treats foolish in how Dapper treats foolish, how they bond and how bad's wordlessly inflicted his "gift vs present" mindset that he had to explain to someone like Bagi, who made the mistake of telling bad she wanted to give someone a "gift" several times before realizing theres a difference and she had to specify she meant "present".

I gotta wonder if Antoine didnt really instill the idea of immortality into his daughter, i mean like who would right?? But two immortal parents?? She has to come to terms with the idea eventually, but right now shes so small...

Bad's talked about how his presence has consistently brought bad luck - eruptions, mass plagues, falling of kingdoms and death of gods, etc. But most of the events he's talked about happened so long ago. Hundreds or thousands of years ago bad learned and relearned the message that people dont stick around, you gotta pick and choose who you really invest yourself in. And why wouldnt it be the eggs? Your kids are immortal, its probably safe to invest yourself in them!

Pomme is self sacrificial, and really caring. We can really see how Etoiles' hero heart definitely instilled itself on her, but theres gotta be a difference between that kind of moral compass when you live for that long and experience that much loss.

Dapper is a little older, and was initially raised a lot differently, and while we see him experiment on herself with the soul vultures, she doesnt talk about self sacrifice nearly as much as Pomme, previously one of the youngest eggs, and the self proclaimed sole target of the codes.

I rambled so fucking much there but just. Bad sees himself in both his kids, but the difference between them is so heavy and i feel so hard for Pomme... shes so tiny, she doesnt need that burden to shoulder, but how can bad help snap her out of it or learn to not do that when shes still so young, and hes fallen back into those habits himself??? I dont wanna say theres a maturity difference in how dapper and pomme go about throwing themselves to the lions but honestly there kinda is... i just dont know how to word it concisely

most of this is probably wrong im probably missing a lot of lore or some shit but its 4:30 am and i have a headache, just let me be ill kjbhyvjhbk

[jayyydez]

How many words have you written this year?

44,462, which is spread between two oneshots, the end scene of a Gravity Falls WIP, and my last 4 chapters of Wicked Game

How many works did you publish this year?

2 completed oneshots, plus four chapters of my multi-chaptered fic

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Wicked Game. It really is my baby and it’s wild to me how much it has progressed in my head from its original conception to what it is now/ what it is going to be. My planning doc for the fic is MASSIVE (currently 23 pages) and it gets fleshed out even more every few chapters as I figure out new details and come up with new ideas for upcoming scenes. It’s a work that I’ve been semi-consistent about, and intend to be even more consistent about updating. It takes up a lot of my mental room, and it’s rewarding to see how many people love it and look forward to seeing more.

What work of yours has the most hits?

Wicked Game, easily. It has the benefit of being published for nearly 3 years though, and having several chapters.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Maybe Reflections, or Seeing Double? I don’t know, it always surprises me when people leave comments on smut lol. Not for a bad reason, but I usually expect to see more bookmarks than comments on smut for… various reasons.

Favorite title you used

Seeing Double. It’s still my favorite, well over a year later. I genuinely just find it fun, considering what the fic is about.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

I’m realizing that most of my fics with song lyric titles are all WIPs lol. Wicked Game is the only one currently published with lyrics being the reason it’s titled that. So, Chris Isaak, though I admit the Ursine Vulpine version was the one I heard first and used as my initial inspiration.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Bowuigi. Easy. I’m well into the 30 thousands for the chapters and fics regarding them, and it may even be close to 40k.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Brain Dead/ Dead Tired/ Danny Fenton X Tim Drake from the DpxDC crossover

My favorite stages to write are the pining stage and the “basically an old married couple” stage. While Bowuigi is fun being able to establish and build so far, we’re not quite that far along with them. So, with both of my Tim x Danny fics having them be previously established, I had a lot of fun with their interactions.

What work was the quickest to write?

Bewitched. I wrote it roughly in four days, on and off between work and some other things going on. It also felt like it went fast, because a lot of it was the dialogue, and once I got that to flow how I wanted, we were golden.

If we’re talking outside of this year, though, Seeing Double was the quickest work I’ve ever written. I’m about 90% sure I wrote it in an evening. I stayed up LATE to finish and post, but I wrote it within one day.

What work took you the longest to write?

Wicked Game, for obvious reasons that it’s 10 chapters and I’ve been working on it off and on for almost 3 years. I was initially working on it during a very turbulent point in my life, but I’m hoping that with certain things being settled and having a new job with a more defined work life balance (as well as not having a crazy manager), I’ll be able to be more regular about updating.

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

I don’t know about getting them all out next year, but I have about 9, if you’re including Wicked Game.

What’s your longest work of the year?

Wicked Game. I wrote about 34k for it this year, and even overall, it’s my largest work.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

Reflections, by less than 200 words.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Obviously Wicked Game is coming with me. I have way too much to cover and a lot of writing to do to not work on it more next year.

Beyond that? Probably One With Eternity, One with You and Slipping Through Your Fingers.

The first is a JayVik epilogue. I know in very broad strokes how Arcane ends and all the major spoilers, but I haven’t sat down and watched it yet because life has gotten in the way. I want to at least fully watch Season 2, and potentially rewatch Season 1 with the new lense, before I write OWEOWY. However, even with what I do know and what I have seen from bits of pieces online and fanworks, this is going to be a DOOZY.

Slipping Through Your Fingers is a BillFord fic, from Gravity Falls. I stumbled across an interesting prompt for something to happen if Ford showed up at the Theraprism as part of Bill’s rehabilitation, and it started chewing on my brain. I’m also battling with myself to keep it relatively short. It’s a fix I will probably only post when I’m done writing it, just because if how some things play out.

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

…

Considering I’ve written two smut fics for Tim x Danny

Uhhh

PWP and voice kink

…Don’t look at me like that

Your favorite character to write this year?

Bowser. He’s a lot of fun to write for, and once I find his voice, it comes very easily. He’s very funny, in ways he doesn’t necessarily intend.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Tim Drake. I’m coming from outside of DC comics and got invested through the DPxDC crossover. While I had some previous knowledge on the Batfamily in general, I haven’t ever been entrenched in DC. I’m trying to get more acclimated with the characters in general, and trying to balance various parts of a character I’m not as familiar with was challenging. 

I do intend to read more of his comics though, as reading Red Robin was a massive help to giving me a feel for what he’s like outside of fanon. I’ve been advised that a truly great look at Tim is the Young Justice run with him in it, and it’s probably next on the list to read. 

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

JayVik and BillFord are major ones, of course. JayVik kills me with both the angst of them being at odds at each other and being able to see at multiple points of time where things could have been very, very different, as well as the fact they made each other their fated soulmates. That they are destined to find one another in every universe, every timeline, because of their own actions, interference, and because they’re so connected to one another. Fucks me up in the best way.

BillFord… It can be played in a humorous way, it can be played in a heart-crushing way. There’s a lot of depth and variety to ways you can explore these two. I love the idea of Bill eventually getting his shit together and becoming a better triangle and Ford, against all better judgement, still allowing him close enough to grow on him like a fungus all over again.

However, this is a pairing that has been horribly toxic to Ford as well, and he has every reason to not forgive Bill. He may very well be too traumatized from everything that happened to even consider gwrring close to him again. The best, healthiest ending for Ford is him moving on and living his best life. And Bill gets left behind alone, because he can simply never get over it, because even if he gets his shit together, it’s simply too late in those scenarios. It’s fun to think about and I might explore either path more in the coming year.

Also technically CaitVi and TimeBomb (I am…horribly, horribly tempted to do a rewrite of S2 of Arcane. Still need to watch the season in its entirety, but knowing what I know… There are a lot of things where the pacing was not perfect, characterization was shifted for the plot and narrative, certain things were skipped over, other things were not allowed to settle. There wasn’t much follow-through for other ideas proposed. I need to watch S2, and watch it all again in its entirety, but I already have some thoughts.)

Also saw a very compelling argument for MelVi the other day, and we all know that's how it starts lol

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

Wicked Game lol

I’m trying to maintain consistency and make sure I’m leaving appropriate hints as things develop further. Trying to keep those little tidbits understandable enough you can see it when you look back, but not obvious.

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

2,923. Which is a WILD number to me lol

Which work has the most comments?

Wicked Game, with 381 around the end of the year. This number does include my own responses, but this fic is 10 chapters and I often have people come back every so often when I update. Plus, it’s almost 3 years old. It’s easy to collect comments when you’re multichapter and old lol

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I did not

I was, however, a bit of a sounding board for @eleventhhourfactor while rhey were writing their Halloween Bowuigi fic Light Reading for a Dark Evening, and that was a lot of fun!

Did you write any gifts this year?

No. Closest thing was writing Bewitched for the Halloween Bowuigi server event, but no gifts

Did you receive any gifts this year?

No. I’ve got a bad habit of not being super interactive with the communities I write for, and it bites me in the ass when I feel like I’m not really part of them. I’m trying to be more involved and active, now that I have the emotional bandwidth for it after leaving my old job

Maybe another year, but not yet

What’s your most common category?

I think it’s technically smut right now LMAO

What do you listen to while writing?

For my fics that I’ve had going a while/ that I do a lot of planning for, I tend to have a dedicated playlist for it. Both Wicked Game and Dollar for Your Sadness (WIP) have their own playlists that I have been building slowly, usually when the mood strikes me

Beyond that? A LOT of Unlike Pluto. He has a lot of music and damn near all of it is good and it scratches the brain just right.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

Bewitched, if we’re not including chapters from Wicked Game.

It was a lot of fun to write, especially before the deadline of Halloween. I technically did not make it, since I posted at like 11pm Halloween night in my timezone, so it shows as November 1st, but it’s all good lol

The Halloween Boop Fest distracted me, in ny defense lol

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Honestly, probably Bowser’s rant in chapter 10 when he’s telling Luigi that he’s selfish and to let people believe he’s a tyrant and a menace if it keeps his people safe.

“And don’t misunderstand me. I’m not- I’m not some selfless goody-two-shoes hero like your brother.” He nearly spat the word out, that underlying animosity surfacing in an instant. “I’m not. I am selfish. I have and do still serve myself first. I will take care of me and mine above anyone else, and I will flatten anyone who tries to keep me from doing that. It just happens that me and mine includes my kingdom. So let them think I’m a tyrant. That I’m cruel and horrible and a plague upon all other kingdoms. To them, I will be. I am not a doormat, I am not weak, I will not be played with. I will be the monster under their bed and their cautionary tale to scare children for centuries if I have to be.”

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That people enjoy my prose?

I joke that my writing is my stream of consciousness bullshit put into a written form, but it does feel like that sometimes. I struggle to differentiate my writing style from others, especially because I do often pull from and emulate and imitate things I like in others’ writing. I genuinely don’t feel like my writing is very distinctive sometimes, so it’s always a pleasant surprise that it comes up so often that people find it very distinctive and find that it flows well.

[aprocessionofthoughts]

The Beginning

ectoberhaunt24 day 17- gothic horror tw- none summary- It's getting worse

materlist ao3 part 4 of GD

The Other pressed against the border day and night, not that the two were really distinguishable for the Spirits of the Forest. 

The Forest fought back, pulling from the children till they were left gasping on the ground, and still the Other pressed. The Forest needed more energy, more life. They pulled harder on the children of Amity Park. They stumbled to them in the dark, tumbling into the fairy rings. 

The adults had posted a watchman, but it was easy to make them sleep, make them dull and drowsy so that the children could come through.

They did not like to have to End any of their children, but if they could not battle back the Other sacrifices would need to be made.

They needed to keep the world safe. The Other wanted nothing more than to devour, than to bring death to the world. The Forest had been fighting them as long as it could remember.

Suddenly, it felt a surge in the fabric of reality that kept the Other separate. It gasped as the push became stronger. It pulled from its children, it felt some fall, End, but there was no time for regrets. At last, with one more pull of energy, it strengthened the barrier and the attack stopped. 

The Forest could feel that a few beasts had made it through, but there was nothing it could do, at least not yet. They had plans.

They eyed the creatures made of the whispers of Other energy that had made it through over the years. If that energy could gather and form creatures, why could that energy not be poured into a Spirit? Perhaps, if enough energy was poured into one of the little ones, they would be able to help fight the Other. 

It had plans to make and Spirits to watch, but for now it had to watch the Veil.

—--

Danny watched the Spirits of the Forest. More had come in the last few days, and it seemed that everyday the Forest was pulling from them to fight back the Other, to strengthen the Veil. While he and Sam and Tucker knew no different, the older spirits claimed that the Forest had only needed to pull from them occasionally. Only the oldest of them remembered a time when the attacks on the Veil had been so consistent. 

They spoke of a beast called the Dark One or Pariah Dark. The beast, creature, monster had managed to come through and had wreaked devastation upon the Earth with his army of Other. The Forest had nearly been burned to the ground, the Veil nearly torn to shreds. Many Spirits had died as the Forest, or Mother Nature as the older spirits called them, had fought back against the Other, as it had repaired the Veil.

In the end the Spirits had been sent away from the Forest to surround Pariah Dark. The Forest had pulled on their connection, on their energy, and Pariah Dark had been banished and his forces had fled back through the Veil, into the Myrkr. Many Spirits had died.

They all feared that something similar was happening again. 

They could see the beasts pressing against the Veil more clearly now. Creatures full of teeth and claws and eyes and too many limbs. Creatures made of darkness and creatures made of light that were almost too bright to look at. There were creatures that seemed to be made of the fabric of the night sky, creatures made of storms, ones made of bones, made of fire, of ice, of teeth. They were creatures that would inspire nightmares and drive humans mad.

The Forest fought them, but the Spirits could feel a weakening in the Veil, and they could not help but be afraid as more children were added to their numbers even as other Spirits Ended.

What would happen if something came through? Who would be the next to End?

Danny did not want it to be him. He did not want it to be Sam or Tucker.

But how would he protect them? How would he protect himself? How could he fight the Other? How could he fight the Forest?

Myrkr- norse word for darkness

[plaguedoctormemes]

Hello! If you don't feel up to this, I understand, but I wanted to ask here since I feel like your blog is reaching out to the right people for my purposes. I am currently debating whether or not I want to go on T! I wanted to ask you to publish this so that your followers who have also gone on T may be able to share their experiences. Primarily I am curious about body and facial hair, perspiration, and mood changes, though I will take any amount of experience shared. I'm looking for the positive, negative, and neutral!

whether you decide to publish this or not, thanks for your time :]

Hi! 87 for the sake of brevity, i will only share my objective transition and experiences, as well as a couple observations of a couple of my friends that are on T. Followers are free to chime in, as asker requests. I started T at 20 and have been on T for 8 years- however, I have admittedly been kind of bad at taking it consistently in cases where I was busy with school or had a lot going on in my personal life, so i would say it’s been closer to 6-7 years total.

Body and facial hair: if i remember correctly, i began growing facial hair about 3-6 months in (its been 8 years since i started my transition now, so its hard to remember for sure). It will be sparse and uneven for awhile, but should fill out fully after a few years on average. My facial hair started to grow more evenly and fully at about 2.-3 years in. Look to the men in your family if you’re able to determine the texture and pattern you can expect. My facial hair, even the pattern, is identical to my bio father’s. You may not grow a bunch, but you *should* expect that you will grow hair in places you didnt think before you see any significant facial hair progression. I do not grow more than a few hairs on my chest or back, but that’s like my father, so expected. I was not expecting how much hair would grow between the (non-face) cheeks, however. One friend has still patchy spots and sparse hairs on his face after 4 years of T (very different from me, we are both white+mexican) while his (italian) husband has a nice mustache and has a moderate amount of chest+belly hair.

Perspiration: i began to sweat more especially in the first couple years, but not THAT much more often than I was used to. I feel like now as I have gotten older i sweat more when it is hot, but it could also just be that im much more hydrated on average than i was when i first began transition and thus i produce more sweat. It’s not to an unmanagable or abnormal degree. My sweat began to smell different and you can expect general body odor (including your genitals) to have a change of scent. I quite like how i smell now. I now have a somewhat woody, musky and smoky natural scent.

Mood changes: i was/am much happier. I felt like my body was literally lighter. I didnt’ realize how much easier moving around would be- however, this is just the direct effect of T assuaging my intense dysphoria. Other than that, my overall general mood was better. I genuinely think T cured my depression, but I knew it would because I already knew i needed it and i didnt have that many problems that would affect my mood in such a way antidepressants werent nearly as affective for me because it didnt address my dysphoria and related issues. However, and this is pretty common, my libido went through the roof. Most people on T tend to experience a higher libido/sex drive, it’s normal- but unfortunately for me for like a solid year/year and a half I think I could have fit the boxes to be described as hypersexual. I’d be prepared to deal with that, however it may be. It’s not unheard of that people have a lower libido or unchanged taking T, but more often than not i find most people notice a slight to moderate increase in their sex drive. Idk your sexuality (i didnt check ur profile but) just in case: if you take T and experience it, know that it’s perfectly normal, it’s not bad, and (imo) its better to deal with it in a healthy manner than to repress it. Maybe find a hobby or fidget toys or chew gum if it starts to become a distraction in your normal day-to-day.

Other notable things for me: 1) my face got soooo oily but I was prepared to deal. Have a face regimen planned if your skin appearance is important to you. I carried oil blotting paper with me everywhere and washed my face twice a day. I like to use starface stickers (but any pimple patch works, theyre just fun) to cover any zits and help them heal. I exfoliate once a week, and use toner once a day and moisturizer every wash to help teach my skin to not over-produce its own oil. 2) my head hair began to thin 2 years ago. This is much earlier compared to my bio father, i believe i got this from my mother’s side, as my late grandfather began balding from a younger age. I am at peace with this and like how i look with a shaved head, though.

Misc stuff: Bottom growth + sensitivity, but you get used to it. You may even experience swelling (clit erection) and some difficulty peeing when aroused. I developed an adam’s apple (some don’t), within my first year. Abnormally, my voice also first dropped literally after my first shot the following week. I unexpectedly grew 2 inches taller despite most people not experiencing any further growth past puberty (though i have had other abnormalities in growth throughout my life, like weird child-exclusive diseases and still carrying baby teeth in my teens). I also started to grow hair on my fingers and toes which I never had before. Other than those things I got a lot of the typical changes.

[themedievalproject]

Textile Time: House of Dragons Season Two Opening Credits

It took nearly 2 years for House of Dragons to come back to us and yes, this post is a bit late with only one episode left of the season 😬 but I’m trying to embrace the "it's better late than never," and I'm working on being an im-perfectionist these days, so here we go.

A rush of excitement ran through me like an electric jolt as I heard the first notes of epic opening credits theme.

I settled in on the couch and to my utter delight, I saw not the expected template of blood spreading rapidly while fueling the mechanical architectural map of last season and GoT but a fabric becoming blood stained as it is digitally embroidered, threading a chronicle of Targaryen history (updated throughout the season) and expanding before our eyes.

What makes the new opening credits so stunning beyond the Targaryen content is the method in which the captivating digital embroidered effect, coined “threadification,” is executed by design studio yU+co’s 3D division. Kudos for taking a medieval art and a modern art form and created a striking Medieval-esque masterpiece.

The success of which can only be credited to the commitment in understanding the threading process and how it could be transformed into a digital media.

I embroider myself and am self-taught. It was something I picked up more than a year ago, so this truly hit the spot for me.

Research pays off

yU+co’s design team studied the embroidery process from the Game of Thrones Tapestry and examined the Apocalypse Tapestry. It comes as no surprise that the GoT show runner would pitch The Bayeux Tapestry as inspiration for yU+co. 

The Bayeux Tapestry is not a tapestry!, it is a 1,000 year old embroidery narrative depicting the series of events leading up to the Norman conquest of England in 1066, fought between William the Conqueror, Duke of Normandy and Harold, Earl of Wessex, later King of England.

Using this real world pictorial testimony of medieval war as a guide for the House of Dragons opening scenes only adds to the credibility and stellar execution.

Now a confession -

I was only this many years old when I found out about the existence of the Game of Thrones Tapestry😳. I thought I was a fan.. but apparently I was living under a rock because how did I miss this amazing piece of GoT content and art???!?

Game of Thrones Tapestry, Season 7, Episode 4 📸 Kal242382, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons

I believed the new opening credit sequence was completely original, as in no embroidery existed in the GoT world until HoD’s season two opening. Nevertheless, the opening credits are still amazing, still impressive, still educating people about the middle ages and how not dark they were.

Embroidery vs Tapestry

Magaret Wade Labarge in her article, "Stitches in Time: Medieval embroidery in its Social Setting," defines embroidery as:

"..the art of applying decoration by needle and thread to the surface of a piece of woven cloth, usually called the "ground." It is an optional decoration worked after the while weaving process, including the dyeing and finishing, has been completed."

When we look at the Bayeux Tapestry we clearly see the richly colored stitches embroidered on top of a cloth. The “design” is independent of the weave.

See what the Bayeux Museum has to say for itself-

So why does this misnomer matter? Because knowledge is power or maybe not, but you never know when this topic will come up at a dinner party or when you might bump into Chris Helsworth.

But really why should you care? First of all, it's important not to take things at face value, like The Bayeux Tapestry. And also this visual record is an extraordinary piece of history. Do you know how difficult it is to find textiles that survive, let alone in this condition?

The Norman Conquest was a big deal in European History. French speaking Normans ended up conquering England, Scotland, Wales, Ireland and even got to Southern Italy and Sicily! And, in doing so, they brought a wealth of new words, thousands of which are still used by us English speakers today.

Want more?

How the Medieval Tapestry in the New ‘House of the Dragon’ Opening Sequence Got Its Weave

Game of Thrones Tapestry

Frenchified English - thank you, Normans

[shituationist]

assuaging my anxieties about machine learning over the last week, I learn that despite there being about ten years of doom-saying about the full automation of radiomics, there's actually a shortage of radiologists now (and, also, the machine learning algorithms that are supposed to be able to detect cancers better than human doctors are very often giving overconfident predictions). truck driving was supposed to be completely automated by now, but my grampa is still truckin' and will probably get to retire as a trucker. companies like GM are now throwing decreasing amounts of money at autonomous vehicle research after throwing billions at cars that can just barely ferry people around san francisco (and sometimes still fails), the most mapped and trained upon set of roads in the world. (imagine the cost to train these things for a city with dilapidated infrastructure, where the lines in the road have faded away, like, say, Shreveport, LA).

we now have transformer-based models that are able to provide contextually relevant responses, but the responses are often wrong, and often in subtle ways that require expertise to needle out. the possibility of giving a wrong response is always there - it's a stochastic next-word prediction algorithm based on statistical inferences gleaned from the training data, with no innate understanding of the symbols its producing. image generators are questionably legal (at least the way they were trained and how that effects the output of essentially copyrighted material). graphic designers, rather than being replaced by them, are already using them as a tool, and I've already seen local designers do this (which I find cheap and ugly - one taco place hired a local designer to make a graphic for them - the tacos looked like taco bell's, not the actual restaurant's, and you could see artefacts from the generation process everywhere). for the most part, what they produce is visually ugly and requires extensive touchups - if the model even gives you an output you can edit. the role of the designer as designer is still there - they are still the arbiter of good taste, and the value of a graphic designer is still based on whether or not they have a well developed aesthetic taste themself.

for the most part, everything is in tech demo phase, and this is after getting trained on nearly the sum total of available human produced data, which is already a problem for generalized performance. while a lot of these systems perform well on older, flawed, benchmarks, newer benchmarks show that these systems (including GPT-4 with plugins) consistently fail to compete with humans equipped with everyday knowledge.

there is also a huge problem with the benchmarks typically used to measure progress in machine learning that impact their real world use (and tell us we should probably be more cautious because the human use of these tools is bound to be reckless given the hype they've received). back to radiomics, some machine learning models barely generalize at all, and only perform slightly better than chance at identifying pneumonia in pediatric cases when it's exposed to external datasets (external to the hospital where the data it was trained on came from). other issues, like data leakage, make popular benchmarks often an overoptimistic measure of success.

very few researchers in machine learning are recognizing these limits. that probably has to do with the academic and commercial incentives towards publishing overconfident results. many papers are not even in principle reproducible, because the code, training data, etc., is simply not provided. "publish or perish", the bias journals have towards positive results, and the desire of tech companies to get continued funding while "AI" is the hot buzzword, all combined this year for the perfect storm of techno-hype.

which is not to say that machine learning is useless. their use as glorified statistical methods has been a boon for scientists, when those scientists understand what's going on under the hood. in a medical context, tempered use of machine learning has definitely saved lives already. some programmers swear that copilot has made them marginally more productive, by autocompleting sometimes tedious boilerplate code (although, hey, we've had code generators doing this for several decades). it's probably marginally faster to ask a service "how do I reverse a string" than to look through the docs (although, if you had read the docs to begin with would you even need to take the risk of the service getting it wrong?) people have a lot of fun with the image generators, because one-off memes don't require high quality aesthetics to get a chuckle before the user scrolls away (only psychopaths like me look at these images for artefacts). doctors will continue to use statistical tools in the wider machine learning tool set to augment their provision of care, if these were designed and implemented carefully, with a mind to their limitations.

anyway, i hope posting this will assuage my anxieties for another quarter at least.

[encyclopediacr]

Last month year at the wiki — 2023

As we all head into our second full week of 2024 (already!), we at Encyclopedia Exandria are taking the time to look back at what we accomplished in 2023 in this special edition of Last Month At The Wiki.

Encyclopedia Exandria reached its first anniversary in June 2023. We the editors are still proud of our decision to become an independent wiki, and we continue to work hard on our coverage of all things happening at Critical Role Productions. Here's a look at some of the work last year:

We moved episode transcripts into their own special namespace in February. Check out the post about the change and what this meant for the wiki. We also started creating transcripts in languages other than English.

Cuisine for Exandria is a wonderful new article from 2023! We're looking toward creating more broad topic articles like that one in the future.

In April, we completed a first pass rewriting text plagiarized from episodes. This was an issue inherited when we split into our own wiki in 2022 that affected especially late Campaign 1 and early Campaign 2 articles. We've been working on it ever since and continue to work toward a plagiarism-free wiki.

We've done a lot of work on Campaign 1 items! Some notable additions and overhauls include: Horn of Fog, Bloodseeker, Mantle of the Tempest, Circlet of Wisdom, Titanstone Knuckles, and Philter of Love.

Articles for Geek & Sundry era Critical Role episodes were updated to include current thumbnails, tabbed in the infobox behind the originals. It's been wonderful to cross that longstanding item off the to do list. Check out examples at Vorugal (episode) and The Chapter Closes.

Midst and Candela Obscura joined the channel in 2023. We're pleased to be covering both shows as well, but it's hard to link to all of it here. You can navigate through our Midst and Candela Obscura topics off the main articles and using the navboxes at the bottom.

All character articles now have verified "Appearances and mentions" sections! Before we were an independent wiki, character articles had these sections collated using a script from a list that used to live in the infoboxes and from "Featured characters" sections on episode articles. These lists were slowly checked manually to ensure that they they were properly formatted, organized, and correct. That work is finally completed.

With the Frozen Sick topic completed this year, we now have complete coverage for all adventures in Explorer's Guide to Wildemount!

Over time, we changed the way we formatted our 4-Sided Dive articles. Earlier articles were finally brought into line with the newer formatting this year, delivering information to you in a more consistent manner. Such quality of life maintenance for readers often goes unnoticed but is critical to ease of use.

Some other new articles that we're real proud of this year? Battle of the Red Center, Quest for Vestiges, Angels of Iron conspiracy, Currency, Fjord's crew, and Comics.

This is not nearly all of the work we've done. It's only a small slice of the work we accomplished and are proud of in 2023. If you've got a favorite update to the wiki not mentioned here—a new article, an overhaul, a quality of life change, or a backend update—let us know!

If you want to contribute to the wiki in 2024, we welcome you! Our wiki is open to editing by all readers, and our coverage is maintained and improved by our community. Everything from plot summary additions to spelling and grammar corrections are an immense help. If you need any help, feel free to check in with us on article talk pages and at the wiki's Discord.

We hope to continue to maintain this wiki throughout this year.