#but its also listed as being 'sometimes offensive' which is funny to me cos i honestly think we started reclaiming it with the band queen | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thisbluespirit · 4 years ago

Text

James Maxwell TV/Film List

More of a guide than a recs list, because old tv/film depends so much on availability. It’s also hard as there’s nothing surviving that’s really like SotT for him (his voice is always slightly different, too & rarely the grand one from SotT) - I found it hard to find where to start back in the day, so I hope this makes it easier. However, I have starred my favourites (rated for JM content only).

I’ve divided things into categories and @jurijurijurious (or anyone) can make up their own mind as to what to go for. (Also @jurijurijurious I have NO idea what old telly you’ve already seen, so forgive me if I’m telling you things you already know.)

Where to find it: Luckily in the UK, it’s not too bad! Network Distributing are the DVD supplier to keep an eye on (they do great online sales), you can find secondhand things cheap on Amazon Marketplace & eBay, and several Freeview channels show old TV & film, especially Talking Pictures. I’ll note if things are on YT or Daily Motion, but they come and go all the time, so it’s always worth searching.

***

Film serials (ITC mainly)

British TV made on film in the US mode with transatlantic cash, so generally pretty light, episodic (continuity is almost unheard of) etc. Some turn up on ITV3 & 4 on a regular basis (colour eps).

*** Dangerman “A Date With Doris” (ITC 1964) James Maxwell is a British spy friend of Drake’s (Patrick MacGoohan) called Peter who gets framed for murder. Drake goes to Fake Cuba to rescue him by which time JM is dying from an infected wound and faints off every available surface, including the roof. It’s great. On YT. (The boxset is v pricey if you just want 2 eps.)

“Fair Exchange” (ITC 1964) JM is a German spy friend of Drake’s called Pieter who helps him out on a case. Not as gloriously hurt/comfort-y as the other, but it does have some excellent undercover dusting. (Why Patrick MacGoohan has JM clones all called variations on Peter dotted around the globeis a mystery.) On YT.

The Saint “The Inescapable Word” (ITC 1965) This is pretty terrible, but entertaining and James Maxwell plays the world’s most hopeless former-cop-turned-security guard. With bonus collapsing. On YT.

“The Art Collectors” (1967). JM is the villain of the week. It does include a v funny bit, though, where the Saint (Roger Moore) goes for JM’s fake hair (and who can blame him? How often I have felt the same!) This one’s in colour so should pop up on ITV3 or 4.

The Champions “The Silent Enemy” (ITC 1968). Surprisingly good JM content as the villain of the week who drugs sailors and steals their clothes before realising that maybe he should have worked out if he could operate a sub before he stole it.

The Protectors “The Bridge” (ITC 1974, 30 mins.) Not worth seeking out on its own, but ITV4 seems fond of it and James Maxwell gets to do some angsting and wears purple, so it’s worth snagging if you can, but too slight otherwise.

*** Thriller “Good Salary, Prospects, Free Coffin” (ITC 1975; 1hr 10mins, I think). James Maxwell moves in with Julian Glover and runs an overcomplicated murdery spy ring where they bicker a lot in between killing girls by advertisement and burying them in the back garden. What could possibly go wrong?? Anyway, it’s solid gold cheese, has bonus Julian Glover and a lot of natty knitwear. What more does an old telly fan want? (tw: Keith Barron being inexplicably the very meanest Thriller boyfriend.) On YT but tends to get taken down fast.

***

Films

Design for Loving (1962; comedy). Can be rented from the BFI online for £3.50. Isn’t that great or that bad (or that funny either), but does have JM as a dim layabout beatnik, which is atypical.

***The Traitors (1962). This is a low-key little 1hr long spy B-movie, but it’s also thoughtful and ambiguous with a nice 60s soundtrack and location work (it’s a bit New Wave-ish) and the central duo of JM and Patrick Allen are sweet and it all winds up with James Maxwell going in the swimming pool. One of the things where JM is actually American. (Talking Pictures show this occasionally & it is out on DVD as an extra on The Wind of Change.) The quality of the surviving film is not great, though.

***Girl on Approval (1962). A Rachel Roberts kitchen sink drama about a couple fostering a difficult teenager. It’s dated, but it’s also really interesting for a 1950s/60s slice of life (and very female-centric) & probably the only time on this list JM played an ordinary person.

***Otley (1969). Comedy that’s generally dated surprisingly well & is good fun, starring Tom Courtenay +cameos from what seems like the whole of British TV. JM is an incompetent red herring & there are more cardies and glasses as well as a random barometer.

Old Vic/Royal Exchange group productions

(Surviving works made by the group that JM was involved in from drama school to his death, made by Michael Elliott or Casper Wrede. I like them a lot mostly, but they are all slow and weird and earnest & not everybody’s cup of tea.)

Brand (BBC 1959). The BBC recording of the 59 Company’s (the name they were then using) landmark production, starring Patrick MacGoohan. This was a big deal in British theatre & launched the careers of everybody involved. It’s very relentless and weird but interesting & I’m glad they decided it was important enough to save. First fake beard alert of this post. It won’t be the last. On YT & there is a DVD, which is sometimes affordable and sometimes £500, depending on the time of day.

***Private Potter (1962). The original TV play is lost and this film has an extraneous storyline, but otherwise has most of the TV cast & gives a pretty good idea of why as a claustrophobic talky TV piece it made such an impact. Tom Courtenay is Private Potter, a soldier who claims to have had a vision of God during a mission & James Maxwell his CO who needs to decide what to do about this strange excuse for disobeying orders. Tw: fake eyebrows (!) and moustaches. Only available on YT.

[???]One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch (1970). Again, no DVD release (no idea why), but it is on YT. I haven’t seen this yet, but it’s another Casper Wrede effort starring Tom Courtenay and apparently JM is especially good in it. (I’m just not good at watching long things on YT and keep hoping for a DVD or TV showing.)

Ransom (1974). A more commercial effort starring Sean Connery & Ian McShane; it gets slated as not being a good action movie, but is clearly meant to be more thinky and political with the edge of a thriller. JM’s part isn’t large but Casper Wrede shoots his friend beautifully, & it’s a pretty decent film with nice cinematography, shot in Norway, as was One Day. I liked it.

[I think this post might be the longest in the world, whoops. Sorry!]

Cardboard TV (the best bit, obv)

One-off plays etc./mini-series

Out of the Unknown “The Dead Planet” Adaptation of an Asimov short story; this is very good for JM, but hard to get hold of unless you want the boxset. I think someone has some of the eps on Daily Motion. (His other OotU ep is sadly burninated.)

The Portrait of a Lady (BBC 1968). Adaptation of the novel; JM is Gilbert Osmond, so it is great for JM in quantity and his performance, but depends how you feel about him being skeevy in truly appalling facial hair. Do the bow ties and hand-holding make up for it? but he’s in 5 whole episodes, and Suzanne Neve, faced with Richard Chamberlain, Edward Fox, and Ed Bishop as suitors, chooses instead to marry the worst possible James Maxwell. Relatable. XD

***Dracula (ITV 1968, part of Mystery & Imagination). JM is Dr Seward, fainty snowflake of vampire hunters, who falls over, sobs and can’t cope for most of the 1 hr 20 mins. More facial hair, but not as offensive as last time. Suzanne Neve is back again, although now JM is nice, she’s married Corin Redgrave, who’s more into Denholm Elliott. Anyway, I love this so much because it turned out that I love Dracula as well as shaky old TV with people I like in getting to fight vampires and all be shippy. Good news - TP keep showing M&I, the DVD is out, and there are two versions of it up on YT.

The Prison (Armchair Cinema 1974). This is the one with Lincoln in it, but it’s not that great & JM isn’t in it that much, so depends how curious you are for the modern AU! (But my Euston films allergy is worse than my ITC allergy, and I watched this when very unwell, so I may have been unfair.)

Crown Court “Fitton vs. Pusey” (1973) - part of the Crown Court series, set in a town full of clones who all keep returning to court. JM is on trial for his behaviour in (the Korean war? I forget?) although he ought to be on trial for his terrible moustache. It’s not that great, but it is nice JM content. He probably did it, but for reasons, and he wibbles & panics whenever his wife leaves the courtroom. Also on YT.

*** Raffles “The Amateur Cracksman” (ITV 1975) - He is Inspector Mckenzie in the Raffles pilot & is a lot of fun. At one point when there was a Raffles fandom someone in it claimed he was too gay for Raffles, which I’m still laughing about, because Raffles. Anyway, watch out if you try to get the DVD because it is NOT included in S1, whatever lies Amazon tells. It is up somewhere online, though, I think.

Bognor “Unbecoming Habits” (1981). Some down marks for possibly the worst 80s theme & incidiental music ever, but fun & has been shown on Talking Pictures lately. JM is an Abbot running a honey-making friary that is actually a hotbed of spies, murder, gay sex and squash playing. This is the point at which he chooses to strip off on screen for the first time, because strong squash-playing abbots do that kind of thing apparently.

Guest of the week in ongoing series/serials

Since even series with a lot of continuity tended to write episodes as self-contained plays (like SotT), these are usually accessible on their own.

Manhunt “Death Wish” (1970). This is one of the most serialised shows here, but this episode is still fairly contained. WWII drama about three Resistance agents on the run across France. JM is... a Nazi agent & former academic trying to break an old friend (one of the series’ three leads, Peter Barkworth) with kindness, possibly?? (Manhunt is very angry and psychological & dark and obv. comes with major WWII warnings (& more if you want to try the whole thing), but it’s also v good.) Up on YT, I think.

Doomwatch “The Iron Doctor” (BBC S2 1971). “Doomwatch” is the nickname of a gov’t dept led by Dr Spencer Quist that investigates new scientific projects for abuse/corruption/things that might cause fish to make men infertile etc. etc. JM is a surgeon who comes to their attention because he’s a bit too in love with his computer for the comfort of one of his more junior colleagues. (I think it’s perfectly comprehensible & a nice guest turn, but it is hard to get hold of outside of the series DVD. Which, being a cult TV person, I loved a lot anyway, but YMMV!)

***Hadleigh “The Caper” (S3 1973). Hadleigh is a very middle of the road show, but watchable enough (lead is Gerald Harper, who’s always entertaining) and this is pretty self-contained as it centres around an old con-man friend (JM) of Hadleigh’s manservant causing trouble by pretending to be Gerald Harper, for reasons. JM seems to be having a ball.

Justice 2 episodes, S3 1974. He guests twice as an opposing barrister & gets to be part of some nice showdown court scenes. Again, a middle of the road drama, but stars Margaret Lockwood, who was still just as awesome in the 1970s as she was in the 1930s & 40s. On YT.

Father Brown “The Curse of the Golden Cross” (1974). JM is an American archaeologist getting death threats; stars Kenneth More as Father Brown. Just a note, though, that 1970s TV adaptations tended to be really really faithful and this is one of the stories where Chesterton comes out with an anti-semitic moment... (JM was unconscious for that bit and, frankly, I envied him.) But otherwise lots of angsting in yet another fake moustache about someone trying to kill him.

The Hanged Man “The Bridge Maker” (1975). Confession time, I have v little idea what this one was about apart from Ray Smith being an unlikely Eastern European dictator, as this whole series went over my head and was not really my thing. (Ask @mariocki they’re cleverer than me and liked it & can probably explain the plot!) I don’t know if it’s available anywhere off the DVD but on a JM scale it was v good/different as he was a coldly villainous head of security & it wouldn’t be too bad to watch alone, but there was an overarching plot going on somewhere.

Doctor Who “Underworld” (1978). This is famously one of the worst serials in the whole of classic Who, but largely because of behind-the-scenes circumstances, not the guest cast. There is some nice stuff, though, esp in Ep1 (JM is a near-immortal alien who’d like to lay down and die but still the Quest is the Quest as they say... a lot) & it’s bound to pop up on YT or Daily Motion. The DVD has extras that include v v brief bits of JM speaking in his actual real accent (which he otherwise does in NONE of these) & making jokes in character. Honestly, though, this is the only DW where the behind-the-scenes doc is genuinely the most exciting bit as they desperately invented whole new technologies & methods of working to bring us this serial, and then everybody wished they hadn’t.

*** Enemy at the Door “Treason” (LWT 1978). This is a weird episode but I love it lots - from a (v v good) series about the occupation of the Channel Islands. (So obv warnings for WWII & Nazis.) JM is a visiting German Generalmajor, but he’s come for a very unusual reason - to ask for help from his brother-in-law, a blackballed British army officer (Joss Ackland). It’s all weird and low key and JM is doomed and nevertheless probably my favourite thing of his that isn’t SotT.

* The Racing Game 2 eps (1979). Adaptation of Dick Francis’s first Sid Halley novel Odds Against (ep1) + 5 original stories for the series. This is an interesting one - JM plays Sid’s father-in-law & they have a lovely relationship that’s central to the book BUT Dick Francis loved this adaptation and Mike Gwilym who played Sid and was inspired to write a sequel Whip Hand, which he tied in with TV canon - and adopted at least three of the cast, including JM. Which means that all the Sid & Charles fanfic is also JM fic by default and it’s quite impressive. (There’s not much but it’s GOOD.) On YT.

Bergerac “Treasure Hunt” (1981). Not a major role, but pretty nice & it’s one a Christmas ep of the detective show (also set on the Channel Islands) that involved Liza Goddard’s cat burglar, which was always the best bit of Bergerac.

His guest spots in Rumpole of the Bailey (1991) “Rumpole a la Carte” and Dr Finlay (1994) are both really just cameos, but both series come round on Freeview; the Rumpole one is funny and the Dr Finlay one his last screen appearance before his death the following year.

Not worth getting just for JM: Subway in the Sky; Bill Brand and Oppenheimer.

These films only have cameos but some quite fun ones and they come around on terrestrial TV: The Damned (1962), The Evil of Frankenstein (1964) & (more briefly) Far From the Madding Crowd (1967). (I think his cameo in Connecting Doors must be at least recognisable as someone spotted him in it just based off my gifs, but it’s not come my way yet.) I’ve never been able to get hold of any of his radio performances, not even the 1990s one.

ETA: I forgot The Power Game! This is the one surviving series where he occurs as a semi-regular (at least until halfway through S1 when he went off to the BBC to be in the now-burninated Hunchback of Notre Dame). This isn’t standalone, but it’s a good series and it is on YT. See how you go with crackly old TV before you brave it but it’s the snarkiest thing ever made about people making concrete and stabbing each other in the back. JM is a civil servant who tries to run the National Export Board and is plagued by Patrick Wymark and Clifford Evans as warring businessmen.

***

[... Well, now I just feel scary. 0_o In my defence, I have been stuck home bored & ill for years, and often unable to watch modern TV while trying to cheer myself up with James Maxwell, so I didn’t watch all of this at once. It just... happened eventually after SotT. /waves hand

But if anyone feels the need to unfriend my quietly at this point, I understand. /o\]

#james maxwell #masterlist #rec list #well sort of #1950s #1960s #1970s #1980s #there are some things i haven't seen #and some things i know to be extant but unreleased #everything else is burninated or status unknown

8 notes · View notes

inspirationdivine · 4 years ago

Text

Threads That Bind || Lydia and Nell

Timing: Current Parties: @nelllraiser @inspirationdivine Summary: Lydia and Nell get to know each other much more than intended Triggers: Head trauma mention, stalking

Her wings were entirely free. Under a glamour so that none might see, but Lydia revelled in the feeling of the wind cutting around them, ruffling the fresh wing. Everything was heightened under the new nerves, freshly learning what to feel and what to ignore. It was beautiful and disconcerting, but as Lydia walked along Amity road with pain for the first time in six weeks, Lydia could enjoy herself. Even as she saw a woman struggling with something on her hand, Lydia thought nothing of it, beginning to sidestep around her automatically.

Was it Nell’s fault that she hadn’t gotten around to trying out the prize she’d gotten for entering the pie contest until this moment? Probably. But was it also her fault that her finger was now seemingly and hopelessly stuck into one side of the chinese finger trap, rendering her halfway useless? Most definitely. Muttering to herself under her breath with frustration pouring over her lips, she didn’t hesitate to call out when someone came a little too close to her. They’d have to be the one to help her get this thing off, and free her from the child's toy’s obviously nefarious clutches. “Hey! You!” She abruptly pointed at the woman with the hand that was still held prisoner by the woven contraption. “Help me out of this thing! It won’t let me go.” The witch waved her hand around in vain, making another attempt at releasing herself.

Lydia frowned, turning on her heel as someone addressed her, pointing right at her like Lydia was some carnival spectacle. “It’s a child’s toy, isn’t it? You need to compress it to get yourself out.” She stepped forward anyway, a nervous, jittery energy to her movements - she was energetic and jittery, mushroom spores thick in the air. “Look, like this,” She said, fully intending to push it so that it would open around the girl’s finger. That wasn’t what she ended up doing. Whether it was that both their hands moved in the wrong way at the wrong moment, or fate intervened, or just the mushroom spores messing with her actions, all of a sudden, Lydia’s finger had sunk right into the hole, trapping her as much as Nell.

Nell blinked cluelessly as the woman’s finger soon joined in on the not-so-fun of being trapped. “A child’s toy, huh?” she commented dryly. “Of course I already tried pushing it. I know how it works,” Nell said stubbornly. “This isn’t working obviously so just...take your finger out, I guess. Maybe I can cut it off or something.” It hadn’t yet occurred to Nell that the other women might also be stuck, apparently doomed to a life of being prisoner to a Chinese finger trap. What the hell was wrong with this thing, anyway? She should have known anything she won from the pie contest would be some sort of cursed shit.

Lydia frowned, looking up at Nell, as if it was the girl’s fault rather than her own. It should be simple, shouldn’t it? She pushed her finger into Nell, and then pulled it back, but where it should have slid off easily, it remained stuck, trapping them in place. “Not again,” Lydia muttered to herself, trying to get her finger out the normal way again. “Scissors might not be a bad idea. Oh come on, this isn’t funny. Where on earth did you get this thing?”

Nell’s own frown deepened as the woman’s continued attempts proved fruitless. “What’s wrong with this thing?” she growled in frustration, jerking on the trap perhaps a little too hard, as if she could force her finger out of it. “I have a knife,” Nell said without explanation before trying to jimmy one of said blades from its hiding spot with her single free hand. It was a bit more difficult to coerce it out when her mobility was limited by their connection. “Here we go-” she said before laying the dagger against the trap, beginning to move it in a sawing motion. Instead...the metal of it promptly began to spark, as if it had met another metal it couldn’t cut through. “What the hell? This is bullshit!” It seemed her usual method of powering through wasn’t working. “I got it from that stuid pie contest! It was a prize!”

Lydia’s eyes widened in surprise as Nell just whipped out a knife. She flinched, cringing away as Nell tried to hack away the band, risking their fingers in the process. Lydia was almost relieved it didn’t work. “You won it in the pie contest? Why on earth would you ever put yourself in a situation to risk such danger? I don’t know anyone who was truly completely happy with their prize, everything came with a double edge. Oh well. We will just have to solve this. Did it come with any instructions? I know someone with invisible scissors that we could try, for the last time something happened.”

Nell growled with frustration as the thing held true on their fingers, leaving them still connected. “Well I didn’t know the prizes were faulty to begin with,” she replied defensively. “Why would I have any reason to think so?” But when Lydia mentioned instructions, Nell pulled a slip of paper out of her pocket, and handed it to the other woman. “I thought it was like a fortune or something when I read it. It was in with the packaging, though.” On the paper was a simple, singular sentence of ‘Release can be found in many unexpected places, but working together to solve problems will yield unmeasurable strength.’ The woman’s last words were quick to catch Nell’s attention. “Invisibile scissors?”

“What does that mean? We already tried the working together thing, pushing our fingers together and all that, that was co-operation.” Lydia tapped her fingers. There was almost a smile on her lips as she thought about it. This might be a riddle, and while the mushroom spores were thick in her mind, Lydia did love a word game. “Oh, oh! I was in a similar situation to this before, an invisible bond that could be broken with invisible scissors. I suspect it wouldn’t be the solution here, because this bond is… rather visible and rather an eyesore, I must admit.” She tapped her lip. “Unmeasurable strength. Do you have more strength than one might expect? Working together…. I wonder if this is not the problem we need to solve, necessarily. Solving problems implies more than one, while this little trap is only one. Do you know anyone with problems worth solving?”

The woman seemed to be almost enjoying this a little too much, and Nell wasn’t quite sure she was as keen for a riddle as her trapped partner was. “Who are you?” she asked in some bewilderment, still not sure what to make of the other woman. “A similar situation? What do you mean?” This woman grew more confusing by the moment, and even bigger of a mystery. As for unsuspected strength… “I mean- maybe. Do you?” Did magic count as unsuspected power? Probably, right? But parts of what was being said made sense in a way, even if Nell wouldn’t have thought of it herself. Unfortunately she seemed to have too many problems worth solving. None of which were ones she was happy to share with a complete stranger. “Yeah but- what about you? What are your problems?”

“I was stuck to standing near a man for a couple of weeks. It was no toy, but highly inconvenient.” Maybe. Lydia relaxed slightly. At least she wasn’t dealing with a human. “I wouldn’t call it unmeasurable, but something like that.” Not that she could promise bind a toy into doing anything. Fae magic required the capacity for thinking. “A lost friendship, a cruel stalker, a head injury that refuses to heal as it should, and complete weariness,” Lydia replied offhandedly, as if she was just reading a list off a menu, rather than the acheful thoughts that kept her up deep into the night. “None that seem the sort of thing that can be solved for a toy like this, nothing that requires unmeasurable strength.”

“How were you stuck next to a man? What does that even mean?” Nell continued to press, being her generally nosy self. “And you didn’t even tell me who you are, still.” The mention of the woman possibly having her own hidden strength was intriguing, only bringing more questions to the forefront of the young witch’s mind. She could think how each of the problems she had might relate to one of the ones Lydia had listed. Which...what exactly did that say about what her life had become? But it was also worrisome if this random woman also had such deep-seated problems. Was this just White Crest as a whole? Shaking that thought away, Nell decided to go on the offensive rather than wait to see if the other woman asked after Nell’s personal life. “Okay...which of those is easiest to solve?”

“It’s a rather long story, which I’d prefer not to go into.” That was another friend she’d lost, after all. Lydia shook her head. “It was likely some errant spellcaster leaving magic lying around where it shouldn’t have been, unlike this situation here.” Well, it really depended on who had made the finger trap, didn’t it? Lydia had a horrible thought for a second that spilled ice down her spine. Were there mime spell casters? Had they been responsible for this? “None of them, particularly. Certainly not anything that can be resolved by a stranger. I cannot undo the loss of that friendship, I don’t even know where the stalker is at this time, and nothing can done about my head that hasn’t already been done. Time is supposedly the answer to all ails, so I will just have to wait, which is hardly appropriate here. What about you?”

“You still haven’t told me your name,” Nell insisted, wondering whether the dodging of her question twice in a row had been intentional or not. The mention of a spellcaster had her interest piquing, somewhat surprised that the woman would mention the supernatural so freely. “Sometimes magic just has a mind of its own.” She wouldn’t expect someone who hadn’t wielded it to understand. “Well- we have to resolve something.” Nell’s impatience was getting the better of her, also growing restless of standing in one place for so long. “I’m good at tracking,” she said absently at the mention of the stalker. “My mom’s a healer, but she’s sort of out of business right now.” Temporarily losing your magic via fext tended to do that to a person. “And the loss of friendship doesn’t have to be permanent like you said, right?” A frown was quick to grace her lips as Lydia turned the question back to her. Reluctantly, she answered in the vaguest terms she could manage. “I’m probably also coming up on a lost friendship, my family had a stalker but we’re working on that. A threat to them was actually recently resolved. Change will be coming that I’m not welcoming of.”

“You’re right, I have not,” Lydia agreed, if only because she was exhausted by magic forcing her to make acquaintanceships she’d rather not. Lydia frowned at Nell as she got frustrated, trying not to be frustrated herself. “I’m not sure my stalker is one I want tracked. The only reason I’m alive is that he changed his mind half way through murdering me and resuscitated me mid drowning.” Her mouth tasted sour. “I can’t control other people’s feelings, that isn’t one I can work on. At all.” Admitting that stung more than anything else. None of the other woman’s issues sounded particularly easy to solve either. Perhaps a random stranger’s would have to suffice. If the resonance between their problems Lydia sighed. “I’m Lydia Griffin,” she said eventually. Lydia looked down at her finger. “Oh! Thank goodness!” She exclaimed, jerking her finger back. But what had previously appeared as looseness and space to remove her finger and had tightened back to the point of cutting off her circulation in her finger, pinching painfully. “Drat. I should have never let you get that thing near me.”

“But if you don’t find him first, isn’t he gonna find you?” Nell questioned. “Wouldn’t it be best to just take care of the stalker before they get their chance?” At least, that had been her primary philosophy ever since the entire Montgomery situation. “Strike first and maybe then they won’t even have a chance to strike back. Sometimes stalkers just change their minds partway through, I guess. Or something else gets in their way.” Like your sister’s head. “Ah- sorry about almost dying though.” The name took Nell a moment to process, but she found it mixed in with the darker days of Bea’s death and capturing August, realization striking her. “You kept something for my family,” she began cryptically, an appreciative tone in her voice. “Wait- wait- how’d you do that? Get it to loosen? It liked your name or something?” Nell bent to look closely at the finger trap before giving it her own name. “Nell Vural? Penelope Vural. Penelope Nisa Vural.” Each attempt became more impassioned, thought nothing seemed to happen when she continued tugging her finger.

“He has found me. He knows where I live, where I work, who my friends are. He can turn himself to mist, he has a gaze that can freeze anyone on sight. Striking first is easier said than done.” Lydia shuddered. “It’s not a simple solve, is what I’m saying.” She pushed away the comment about her near death, and the finger trap grew tighter again. There was an impulse to share, but Lydia had never been the sort. She’d rather her features were a mirror than a window into her own feelings. When Nell talked about her keeping something, Lydia tilted her head in concern, with no idea what Nell was talking about. Or at least, not until Nell tried to unlock the puzzle with her name.

Lydia pursed her lips. A Vural. She had met the tempest in a crystal bottle that was Lucinda Vural, aggressive with a sword with a vicious streak that had only barely left Lydia unscathed. And then there was Beatrice, who was apparently special enough to have caught a Fae’s attention, but was also rotten in every conceivable way, right down to how she had been dead and still ought to be. The Vural name left a rather terrible taste in her mouth. “Whatever it was, it wasn’t enough. Our names are hardly problems to be solved, are they? It’s something else.”

“I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m just saying maybe it’s something that should be looked into rather than waiting. I didn’t mean it was simple- I just meant it might be worth trying it out. I mean if he’s come after you again won’t you just be waiting for him, then?” But it seemed Nell’s views on the matter weren’t meant to align with Lydia’s. As for Lydia’s apparent disdain after the witch’s mentioning of the favor Luce had taken from the woman, Nell wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. It could very well have been Luce being her usual person-phobic self that made Lydia react the way she did. At least the other woman hadn’t said anything distasteful about the family. That would have been a quick path into sprouting even more tension with Nell. Offhandedly, Nell huffed with frustration, getting more antsy to be free by the second. “I don’t know they could be problems to be solved when your middle name is your mom’s name.” It hadn’t been meant as any heartfelt admission, and had been more meant as a joke than anything, but it seemed good enough for the finger trap as it loosened in the slightest, and Nell reflexively tried to pull her finger out to no avail. “It did it again! What the hell does it want?”

“He can’t reach me anymore,” Lydia said pointedly, shutting down that conversation with the chill of her tone. Similarly, the toy tightened around her finger. Lydia glanced around, as people walked past them. Some were not hesitant to show their stares at the two frustrated women, but quickly backed down under Lydia’s glare. Vural or not, she would have to get along with this spellcaster. “Perhaps we ought to go somewhere else. People are staring.” She said, beginning to shift them towards a cafe where they might sit in a booth while they discussed their… entanglement. “Oh, this loathsome little thing,” Lydia sighed, and tested her hypothesis. She dug into the rawest part of her, pouring salt over this fresh wound and could hardly hide the ache in her voice to this particular stranger. “I knew better than befriending someone who would never be able to fully accept my species, and it hurts bitterly that I let myself love that person anyway. Would you look at that, every therapist in the world has just been validated.” While the toy had loosened at her comments about Remmy, it zipped back up as she made herself sound cynical, an easy defense mechanism for the tears she always felt on the brink of. Unmeasurable strength, her ass.

Nell could have dug her heels in and refused to budge, but was there a point to doing that at a time like this? As it were- they were attached almost literally at the hip, and she was a little hungry… Maybe she could order something in the cafe. “Your species?” Nell echoed, trying to remember if she knew exactly what Lydia was. She wasn’t quite as good at distinguishing fae. They were many and far in between, varied in their natures and appearances. “I mean I know that you’re-” she hesitated, not wanting to say the word ‘fae’ aloud when others were anywhere nearby. “I know the broader term of your species.” That would have to do. “I think it’s...difficult,” Nell began, thinking of her own struggles that had come from growing up as a spellcaster. “If people aren’t a part of it— they can’t ever truly understand. Witches are almost in between and kinda isolated because of it. The normies are afraid of us cause we’re different and unknown and confusing- but we’re also not a part of the non-human supernaturals. I guess what matters is...if they try to understand it or just accept it for how it is, right?” The finger trap loosened just in time for Nell to continue on with her words. “I don’t think it’s your fault for caring, though. Even if it bites us in the ass too much of the time,” she finished with a sardonic chuckle as the toy tightened again. She groaned. “I don’t know what this thing wants us to say. Are we supposed to start braiding each other’s hair and talking about boys or something?”

Lydia nodded half heartedly as Nell compared her experience to spellcasters, not believing it at all, so while Nell’s end of the toy loosened, Lydia’s became tighter. For pity’s sake. Lydia grit her teeth together and tried to care more earnestly. Perhaps she could learn something about Felix here. “No, but that doesn’t make here easier now,” Lydia acquiesced, as the toy loosened more and more. Perhaps this was the right way to go. “I don’t see the point in talking about boys. Surely we’re both more interesting than any adjacent men,” Lydia’s eyes glittered teasingly, trying to find one light note in a miserable situation. “Clearly, it wants us to share emotional intimacy. Unmeasurable strength indeed. It wants us to be empathetic to each other despite our differences.” Which meant Lydia would have to show this human as much empathy as she might normally show Deirdre. It was going to be a stretch. “I suppose I could tell you about how my father decided to be absent during my teens which resulted in my failure to learn control over my abilities and while our relationship is good now, I still resent that, or how it felt when my sister was reported murdered twelve years ago, but it’s absurd.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Nell agreed readily with a shrug, knowing all too well how true it was that logic generally never eased the pain of a lost friend. Despite her better judgement, Lydia’s comment on boys managed to tug an amused half-smirk to her lips. Unfortunately the expression was quickly wiped away by a grimace, instantly wary of anything that included the words ‘emotional’ and ‘intimacy’, especially when paired with one another and a relative stranger. But if that was the only way out...what choice did they have? “But you learned after?” Nell asked. It was easy to be curious when she was naturally nosy, and the questions weren’t yet geared towards herself. Nell breathed an annoyed sigh, realizing that she’d have to return the favor of admitting something. “My dad was mostly good- but he never stood up for us. My sisters and me. He just let our mom blame me for everything, let her ignore Luce, and make Bea into her mini-me with an Olympic schedule. You said your relationship is good with your dad now, though? How’d you do that?” Surprise flitted over Nell’s features, not expecting the news of a dead sister on Lydia’s part. “Do you know who did it? We just- we finally got the man who killed Bea. And I know they say revenge is never good but- this felt good. You could have that, if you know who it was.”

“I learned eventually, when he was reminded how important it was.” When he had come home to find a cold corpse and Lydia crying in the bathroom. She grit her teeth. There were things she could discuss with humans, but her father really wasn’t one of them. How could they understand when they would put themselves in the shoes of her weak mother, rather than anyone else’s. They would see it as a sin rather than a natural consequence. “I think my father likes the idea of children more than the practicalities, which he forgets every couple decades. He became more interested in spending time with me when I was approaching adulthood. It took a lot of communication, and time, but now we talk several times a month.” Lydia didn’t quite look at Nell as she said that. “Do you resent your mother for her choices?” When the talk turned to dead siblings, Lydia frowned, swallowing as she recalled her recent conversation with Felix, about Bea and necromancy and Lydia’s responses to it. That was another topic she was desperate to steer from. “Unfortunately, no. The issue with wardens is that they are perfectly crafted for killing us. I’m not a violent person, no one in my family is. We’re all artists. Revenge isn’t something we would normally seek. We wouldn’t stand a chance against a warden, even if they hadn’t destroyed anything that could lead back to them.”

“But you had to forgive him or something, didn’t you? To make it work?” Nell asked, uncertain how the fae had managed to make it work when it came to her family relationships. Had she managed to forget years of resentment? Or did it still live in her- bottled up and pushed aside for the sake of having a father? “Are you glad you talk?” Normally she might not have been so interested in a relative stranger’s emotional state, but if this was what the stupid toy wanted them to do, it’s what they’d have to entertain. Now it was Nell’s turn to look away as mention of her mother surfaced again. She didn’t answer the question directly, perhaps because she wasn’t as sure of the answer as she’d been some months ago. “She took our family from us. Kicked us out of the coven. We can’t even talk to any of them just because we wanted our sister back. And before that it felt like she made it her life’s mission to make me know I was a disappointment.” Nell paused, half-angry and half-sad that she couldn’t simply let her mother go. “But now she said it was to protect us. That she’s done everything for us.” The witch didn’t know how to reconcile those two concepts, nor how to figure out whether or not one outweighed the other. The mention of wardens and violence a conversation Nell was more familiar with, and her shoulders straightened as she spoke again. “But do you want it? The revenge? There are other ways- you could find someone to help.” Nell might even offer to do it herself for the sake of a lost sister. “It doesn’t necessarily have to be too late.”

“I suppose so. He had to forgive me for some things too,” Lydia continued, her jaw tightening for every micrometer of give that the toy gave her. “I’m so glad we’re still talking. We live so long, it can be lonely without family. I do love him, and he loves me.” Lydia forced herself to listen as Nell explained about her own mother, and felt the tiniest sinking feeling of empathy, despite knowing better. Nell’s life was worth less, her issues worth less. She still felt that twinge. “That’s awful. No matter your transgressions, family is family. You can’t just kick each other out because you disagree with their choices.” Her own family hadn’t, but Remmy had. “Sometimes people lie to themselves about their impact. That’s awful. Do you want her back?” Lydia said, rubbing her face in frustration. “How would I find anyone to help for a murder committed twelve years ago?” Lydia sighed, staring at the toy. “I want it more than anything, but deaths from wardens in my family are not rare. We’re not built… others of my species are better at protecting themselves.” She spoke the last bit quietly, looking around the cafe.

“That makes sense,” Nell nodded as Lydia spoke of their longevity. “I guess family’s really one of the only things that can be constant when you live longer.” But it was still a mystery as to how exactly Lydia had gotten to that point of forgiveness. It would be foolish to think that Nell might find a guide of sorts within them, anyway. Family is family. Lydia’s words caused another prickle of uncertainty to surface in Nell. Did that wisdom go both ways? It was obvious that Lydia meant the words to condemn Nell’s mother, but couldn’t they also be turned around to imply that Nell should forgive her mother? “I don’t know if she even realizes the impact. I don’t know.” That was the only answer she could come up with, uncertainty being the only thing she was sure of when it came to Nisa Vural. “She still won’t talk to us. Not actually. But she did heal me one time when I asked since then.” Nell didn’t know why she was looking for glimmers of hope in a shattered relationship, trying to remind herself that she’d made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t let her mother hurt her again after the coven had been taken from them. And yet...she couldn’t deny the child that still lived on deep within her, longing for her mother’s love and approval despite refusing to acknowledge it. “I just…I’m tired of it all.” She was tired of the way her mother treated her while also being tired of wondering if things could be different. But mostly she was tired of not knowing the answer. Nell only paused a beat before speaking of the warden and their murder once again, thinking the answer to Lydia’s situation obvious. “You know I’m a bounty hunter. A regular one as well as a supernatural one. And with that comes being a pretty good tracker and stuff like that. I could help find them.” A twinge of sympathy made its way through Nell at Lydia’s hunting lamentations, knowing she’d never know what it was to be hunted as thoroughly as someone like the fae were.

“That’s even harder. At least my father knew what he did and the consequences of it,” Lydia replied, who kept talking about her father even though it was patently not what she wanted to do. “I’m sorry. Parents should have more introspection than their children. It’s her duty to make amends,” Lydia said softly. Nell’s grief resonated too uncomfortably once again. Empathy she didn’t want to feel as strongly as she did. “Certainly an interesting choice of profession,” Lydia saw the opportunity to get a promise. She felt every spore in her lungs tumbling over themselves to get that promise, latch onto it, and watch how it unfolded. As simple as taking candy from a baby. There were just two problems. The first? Lydia did not want any more trouble with the Vurals ever, she had had enough of them for a lifetime. The second was that using this intensely personal moment for personal gain, confessing secrets neither of them wanted to, felt wrong, fundamentally twisting up inside her right next to the uncomfortable empathy she felt for Nell. “I might or might not take you up on that,” she said softly, and the toy popped right off her finger, and Nell’s too. “Oh!” Lydia gasped with relief.

Nell’s own pleasantly surprised sound was drawn from her as the finger trap released them, and the witch instantly flexed her finger, bending it a few times in delight now that it had been released from its prison. “Oh, hell yeah!” It seemed like the more delicate topic of parents and disappointment was quick to melt away now that there was no obligation to speak of them. “Fuck this little toy- I’m burning the damn thing when I get home.” It took another moment for Nell to realize that Lydia had offered a response when it came to searching for her sister’s killer, and the witch’s head tilted curiously to the side. “It doesn’t have to be a favor or anything like that either if you wanted me to help look for the killer. I’m usually good for my word all on its own. Especially for things like this.” But now that she was free and remembering the all too personal things she’d shared with Lydia— Nell was eager to depart. “Just message me or whatever if you have questions about it.”

“That would be wise,” Lydia said, picking up her bag with an awkward closed mouth smile, at first assuming that the moment the trap was gone, their little agreements would be over. Buut Nell made the offer again, clearly enough that Lydia paused, looking the spellcaster over again. She considered it, which surprised Lydia even more. “I’ll keep that in mind,” Lydia said with a smile, pulling her coat close herself. She acted as if she was still unsure, but already, the threads of an idea were beginning to form in her mind. A possibility she had thrown away years ago. She’d play it cool, maybe wait a week, but the temptation was there. If Nell Vural could defy death, what else might she do? “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

#nell #para #chatzy

8 notes · View notes

atrixfromice · 5 years ago

Note

What are some French swear words?

Ooh I remember when I signed up on tumbrl and I was really excited with the idea people were able to ask me questions here, heheh And now I have my questions piled up, oh my! I feel shame of myself! *blushes and hides her face under her hands * So that's why I'm trying to catch up with the questions people have given me.

This one made me laugh a lot and blush a lot at the same time! HEHEHEH! Mostly because when you said “swear words" I imagined me saying such words and being red like a tomato while doing it! XD

It will be ok if I ask you a question before replying your question?...because I’m very curious!

Why would you want to know swear words in French in the first place?

In general it’s something people asks me very otfen when I tell them I know french, it’s pretty hilarious and intriguing.

Specially, your question it’s so funny, because when I starting learning french I thought I absolutely didn’t wanted to learn french swear words and I was avoiding them like the plague! I avoided the sites I thought might contain them so I couldn’t find them. Bu I never thought youtube could have them. I watched videos of my favorite cartoons in french on youtube to practice my hearing, and the videos didn’t had them, so I thought I was safe....but the comments people made had swear words in them sometimes, cos teen french used them for everything! O_O like if they were common words like “ok” or “hey”.

Then I tried to leave youtube and other sites, and stay just on deviantart and comment some french artists pieces to practice my writting, but many teenager native french on deviantart talked like that was well. They literally cound’t start a phrase without a swear word on it! XD

So at the end I ended up accepting that was part of french culture, wether I liked or and I coudn’t escape of that heheh

And I chilled up a bit. Mostly because I realized the French tend to be pretty open about them. They don’t see them as shocking words or to offend someone, they use them more like a wildcard for their phrases, specially young ones.

That said, I still don’t like swear words and I’m still not in favor of teaching people this kind of stuff because I think it’s not really useful. But I encourage the curiosity of learning another language, and I like people being inquisitive, so lets see what I can do.

If you google for “swear words in french” you’ll find a lot. So I think it will be a lot cooler to know stuff you don’t learn in books nor in the web, but in real life talking ( or writting moslty in my case, although I have had the chance to talk too) with other french! Like how you can use swear words in an elegant way, or using euphemisms. So you can use them without anybody gasping and being schocked at it.

I will start with the softest ones and gradually go to some that are stronger. well, as much as being an artists who works on family entertaintment field lets me at least *chuckles*

Sacrebleu!

This one means “ sacred blue” and it comes from the time on 19 century when people referred to Mary’s bue dress, and used it as an exclamation expression. And people considered it a swear word because they believed saying that was taking her name in vain. This one probably you have heard it already a lot of times on french themed movies or shows. And it really isn’t a swear word on nowadays. It could be an equivalent of “darn” in english.

It’s an outdated one though. No french says it since a pretty good time. But I think it’s a very cool and funny one, it sounds cool! So I couldn’t help including it here hehe

I think it would be great if people in nowadays would want to say it!

Nom d’un chien!

It comes from "Nom de dieu” which in the 19 century was considered a swear word, because people had the belief to mention God’s name on an exclamation phrase was a bad thing because they were “taking God’s name in vain”. Also, some people use “chien” to refer to the word in french for S***.

Still in use, but mostly by elderly people.

Flûte!

This one means literally “flute”, the instrument. But I love it because it’s so hilarious how if well used, it can become an exclamation expression with F word because it resembles very much to the F word in french. And it’s ok to say it on rated G material! As I’ve seen on french comic books and movies. So you can actually use it on your rated G work, and it sounds more like what a genuine french would say than “sacrebleu“.

Still in use by all french, but specially middle aged and mature people.

Diantre

Means “dammit”, and it’s used very often, specially by mature aged people, as an exclamacion expression of surprise or anger. Like: “Damn! I forgot my car’s keys!” “Diantre! J'ai oublié mes clés de voiture!”

Not very used by the younger ones though, but it’s a cool one! I think people should use it more!

Bordel

A mess.This word literally means bordello or brothel, and is used in that sense as well.

“Bordel” is one of my favorite french words despite being considered a swear word, because it’s not much an offensive word like other swear words. Its more like a word most commonly used in exclamation expressions like “Like oh ****! That movie was incredible!!” “Oh bordel! Ce film à ete incroyable!”

Or talking about something being messy or sloppy, like “my table was really a mess after cooking”, "Ma table etait un vrai bordel après avoir cuisiné”.

You can also use this one as an expression of rage to someone, like “****! why did you beat up my brother?! “Bordel!

There are also some other words that are used with the purpose of being offensive. Like for example:

Dégage !

Get out of my way! /**** off! The verb dégager used to suggest movement – especially that of expulsing something – in non-obscene contexts, as well. As a swear word, it actually really depends on the way a person uses it. It would never be polite to say to someone if you want them to get out of your way, but it can range from “Move!” or “Get out of my way!” to “Fuck off!” depending on how angry/frustrated the speaker is.

Dégueulasse (sometimes shortened to “Dégueu”).

Disgusting/repugnant. This can refer to a thing, a person, an action, a situation, etc. It’s used all the time, especially on reality TV and by teens across France, and is only moderately obscene. Still, when in polite company, use its perfectly above-board sibling, dégoûtant(e), instead. I say this from experience.

Ta gueule

Shut the ****/hell up! This expression comes from the phrase “Ferme ta gueule“, that means literally “shut up your snout”, but it’s so frequently used that just the last two words are necessary now.

Like some of the other words on this list, this one’s power seems to vary depending on the context and, especially, the tone of the speaker. It’s often used in French comedies when a person is getting angry or upset – and in those cases, where it doesn’t seem particularly violent or full of loathing, it could be best translated as “Shut the hell up!” or even simply “Shut up!”.

On the other hand, if the person saying it is doing so in an aggressive way, it could probably be better translated as “Shut the fuck up!”

Se taire

Means “Shut up!” Like its English counterpart, this isn’t so much obscene, as impolite. “Tais-toi” is the most common form.

Chier

Means to defecate, but in a vulgar way, so it’s the equivalent of the word S*** in english. Even if this one IS a strong swear word, I added it here because it's use in french it’s very interesting and fascinating to me . It’s a word that isn’t only be used as an insult, but it also can be used to express when something or someone it’s annoying, or just plain boring.

“Faire chier" A wonderful, versatile expression that ultimately shows annoyance. If used reflexively (most commonly Je me fais chier) it means to be fucking bored or annoyed.

Faire chier, is also a common expression that means to “piss off someone” to make someone mad.This comment I found from someone who traveled to paris was very interesting:

“This is an expression I heard a lot last time I went to Paris. Every time a train was cancelled, I could hear lots of “ils font vraiment chier !”

À chier

s***ty/garbage. Le film était à chier. The movie was s***ty.

Chiant(e)

Bloody annoying.

This can be used to describe a living being; Je ne veux pas voir Sandra et son chien – ils sont chiants tous les deux ! I don’t want to see Sandra and her dog – they’re both bloody annoying !

Or a situation

Sa mère lui a dit qu’il doit assister au repas familial au lieu de venir au bar avec nous vendredi soir ? C’est chiant.

His mom told him he has to have dinner with his family instead of going out to the bar with us on Friday night? That’s bloody annoying.

There are a lot of others, but I think those ones are out of my budget *chuckles* Also, they’re a lot! XD So maybe, if you wanna know more about this subjet you can drop me a message :)

I’m not fan of explaining this stuff, but I know if I don’t you will research online and probably will get incorrect info, and then you will be mocked by people because of that, and it will be embarassing. And I don’t wanna be the responsible of that, hehe

In the other hand, I don’t blame you for wanting to know swear words in french, cos it’s true all words sound so beautiful and elegant in french, even the most vulgar and obscene ones XD That’s something I adore from French language and always amazes me!

Don’t believe me? Here’s a proof (and yes those are actual french swear words.)

By the way, I loved the analogy from Matrix of “wiping your ass with silk” XD Very fitting and very hilarious. I for my part would say, hearing swear words in french its like being slapped with a rose petal. You know it’s meant to be a bad thing, yet it’s so nice to hear, it sounds like if they were saying poetry! XD

#atrix replies #asks me anything #French learning #the french side of tumblr #oh my why french is so nice even the swear words #french lovers #french fan #send me asks #ask me anything

7 notes · View notes

robininthelabyrinth · 5 years ago

Text

Fic: Lonely, Dark and Deep - ao3 link - Chapter 5

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Madara/Tobirama, background others Summary:

Hashirama was always going to have to leave Konoha behind one day, but no one was expecting for it to happen so soon.

Tobirama falls apart without his brother.

Madara, mad and bitter and preparing to leave himself, finds that he’s now without his best friend and responsible for a village he’d just about given up on.

And now it seems like there’s something not quite right with the forest…

———————————————————————————–

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama says, and Madara has had nightmares about this man saying that, this man who has, despite all odds, become something very much like a friend over the last year.

Madara dreams of it, sometimes: imagines Tobirama dull-eyed, as he’s gotten more and more in the year since Hashirama’s disappearance, imagines him standing there patiently, having waited to informed Madara of his ensuing death because the bastard is polite enough that he wouldn’t want to leave a co-worker hanging like that but already holding his sword aimed the wrong way round.

It’s the same place every time: he’s always standing and waiting for Madara at the edge of the forest, and that’s the place where it ends, where the sword goes in and cuts off the younger man’s life before its time.

The dream never changes in that respect – it’s never at Tobirama’s home, or in the office of the Hokage, because he’d never leave a mess for someone else to clean up like that. He’d have already cleaned up his precious labs and locked away the more dangerous inventions that he couldn’t quite bring himself to destroy; already have tidied up his desk and finished the paperwork for the next two weeks in advance; already ensured that no one from Konoha would be lingering around to see – considerate, that’s what Tobirama was, always thinking about the big picture, thinking about how one thing might affect others, but never really caring about the emotional impact any of it would have.

It’s always at the edge of the forest.

Always at the same place, too, a place Madara knows by now too well: just beyond the western gatehouse, where Konoha spills over from clearing into woods – trees a bit too thick for the age they seem to be, the light dappled from shining in through their branches and leaves, the ground well-covered in grass and weeds and bushes.

The last place Tobirama saw that which that he loved the most, walking away from him.

That’s where he’ll do it. Madara’s sure of it.

That’s why Madara is here, now, making the proposal that he is. He has to do something, his very nature rebelling at the thought of simply accepting Tobirama’s untimely death as a foregone conclusion, and this plan is the only thing he can think of to make those dreams go away.

(He can’t let it happen like that. Not – not after watching Izuna die, after losing the only brother he had left; not after knowing that Tobirama is all that’s left of Hashirama, that he’d be losing what little is left of him, too. Not after working with Tobirama this past year, in the time before that; not since he snapped out of that horrible madness brought about by Izuna’s loss and realized that Tobirama is more than just a brother-killer, realized that he’s brilliant and devoted and meticulous, terrible with people and flat in affect even in private, possessed of a wicked sense of humor that he tends to hide more often than not – no.

No. Madara can’t let him just die like that. He can’t.)

“I’m sorry,” Tobirama says again, and his eyes are far too wide with surprise to be dull right now. “You’re proposing that we what?!”

“Have sex,” Madara says, not entirely understanding what the problem is. “For the sake of the village, of course.”

“Of course,” Tobirama says, his voice a little strangled. “Of course…would you like to explain your logic? I think I might be missing a few crucial steps.”

Madara is not, by nature, a subtle man, and while there’s probably a better way to say it, he’s not one to mince around a delicate subject. Not when there’s this much at stake.

“This village needs you as Hokage,” he explains. “It needs your expertise, your attention to detail, you management skills, your diplomacy…and just as it needs you most, you’re deteriorating.”

Tobirama’s back straightens in offense. “I have never let Konoha down!”

“No, you haven’t. Not once, not even when you probably should,” Madara says dryly. “I meant a personal deterioration. You barely eat, you sleep poorly, your bathing schedule has gotten erratic –”

Admittedly, it’s only gone down to the level a normal person would consider more than reasonable, but for a neat-freak half-fish like Tobirama, that’s shockingly seldom.

Tobirama holds up his hands, still looking bewildered. It’s a rather amusing expression on his normally impassive face. “I admit all that. But – why – no, how, exactly, would having sex solve the – ah – underlying issue? Which I know you’re aware of?”

Neither of them mention Hashirama’s death during daylight hours. It’s better for both of them that way.

Madara shrugs. “Touka said the only thing that would help you with your particular issue is another brother for you to treasure. Now, I can’t get you that short of time travel or resurrecting your parents –”

“Please don’t ever make that suggestion again. I don’t mind resurrecting the dead, but I don’t have any desire to see either of my parents again, much less for the purpose of breeding them.”

Hmm, fair enough. Madara concedes that that suggestion sounds a lot more creepy once he thinks it through a bit more.

He certainly wouldn’t want to see his parents again, even putting aside the, er, breeding business.

“– so a lover will have to do as the next best thing,” Madara concludes, deciding to ignore Tobirama’s unhelpful interjection. “You need someone to hold onto to tide you through your loss and a lover is the best sort of distraction for that sort of thing. It’s sometimes used as a solution to the curse of hatred, and given that your particular, uh, issue is more akin to the one suffered by Uchiha rather than Senju, I don’t see why there’s isn’t every reason that it would work for you as well.”

Tobirama stares at him. His eyes are wide to the point of being vaguely owlish.

“I’m not suggesting that it’ll fix the issue!” Madara adds quickly, realizing that Tobirama might be offended. One couldn’t replace a beloved brother with a bit of sex, after all, and he’d never suggest as much. If this wasn’t the only thing he’d been able to think of, he wouldn’t have suggested it at all, but – it is. And he’s desperate. “Especially since we’re not, you know, actually lovers. I’m perfectly happy to admit that we barely stand each other at the best of times. But sometimes having the semblance of something can help, even in the absence of the real thing.”

“I…see,” Tobirama says, his face finally abandoning the shocked expression and settling back into normal contemplative lines. “Essentially, you’re suggesting that if we simulate the behavior of lovers, the effects of having a lover might apply regardless of the actual feelings involved and it will…function as a stopgap, essentially?”

“Exactly!”

This is why Madara enjoys working with Tobirama, even though he’s a sharp-tongued bastard with no sense of limits – whatever one can say about the man, one must admit he’s quick on the uptake and very unlikely to reject any idea out of hand, no matter how bizarre.

“Hn. Dare I ask why, exactly, you’re volunteering yourself for this task?”

“Well, I can hardly volunteer anyone else for it without it coming across as extremely unfortunate,” Madara points out, quite reasonably in his view. “Also, having spent the last year of my life cooped up in as very small office trying to establish a village with you, I can now state definitively that you hate humanity. Previous to this, I only suspected as much – but now I’m certain of it.”

Tobirama scowls at him. “I do not hate humanity.”

Madara snorts. “Fine. You hate vast swathes of humanity. In a village currently consisting of, at minimum, representatives of every reputable shinobi family in Fire Country, aka the sort of people you might conceivably get along with, the sum total of people you actually like – as opposed to are willing to tolerate in order to achieve your goals – is a list limited to: your students, three of your close cousins, me, and that weird shark-person ambassador from Kiri, and the last one only because of those truly awful fish puns that for some bizarre reason you find amusing.”

“Hoshigaki’s fish puns are amusing.”

“No one got that joke about the clam except for you.”

“It’s not a clam, it’s a freshwater mussel, and I told you, the scientific name of that subspecies is Anodonta imbicilis –”

“And that’s why he was calling the Inuzuka representative a muscle-bound imbecile, yes, I got it after you explained it. It just wasn’t funny. Jokes that someone has to explain are not funny. Listen, if you’re willing to risk the almost inevitable assassination attempt, I can call him instead –”

“She. Not he.”

Madara stops. “What? No.”

“Yes.”

“Impossible!”

Hoshigaki was built like a bookcase, a walking rectangle with arms like tree trunks. It hadn’t even occurred to Madara that conventional gender definitions might apply.

Do sharks even have genders?

Tobirama rolls his eyes. “As you’re not wrong in that she would feel obligated to at least attempt to kill me on behalf of her village, and, perhaps more importantly, is married with children –”

Hoshigaki? Married? With children?!

Madara’s going to have nightmares about swarms of baby sharks with legs, he just knows it.

“– let’s not call her. Not that I’ve agreed to your ridiculous idea at all.”

Madara crosses his arms and scowls at the intractable bastard.

“It’s not like I’m suggesting we do this for fun,” he says. “We’re not in love, of all ridiculous things, and I highly doubt we’re ever going to be more than people who have managed to be able to work together efficiently. But the village needs you, and you clearly need someone. Might as well be me.”

Tobirama scowls.

Madara really didn’t want to have to play dirty, but clearly it’s necessary. He was quite serious about being willing to do anything to save Tobirama’s life, and he wasn’t talking about sacrificing his body.

“Hashirama wouldn’t want you to just fade away like this.”

Tobirama flinches.

“And you know he’d be happy about anything that got us to spend more time together outside of work that isn’t sparring or training…”

“I can’t believe you’re using my brother to convince me to sleep with you.”

“For the good of the village! Besides, it’s going to work.”

Tobirama makes a face, but Madara has no doubt: he knows Tobirama’s weakness, now, and he’s merciless in exploiting it.

(No wonder the Senju make a practice of not telling other people their principles; it’s a weakness just asking to be abused, like an Uchiha making too clear who his most precious people were.)

Sure, Madara’s aware that it’s in bad taste to invoke the name of the man who was, for all practical purposes, his soulmate in order to bed the man’s younger brother – but Hashirama is gone, and anyway, he’s sure it’s what he would have wanted, if it meant Tobirama lived a little longer.

It’s entirely virtuous what he’s doing. Entirely. There’s not an iota of selfishness in it.

“One day you’re going to pull that line of reasoning and I’m going to turn you down just to see the surprise on your face,” Tobirama says, standing up. “Very well, come along.”

Madara blinks, having expected to have to argue about this for at least another hour. “Come – where?”

“To bed, of course. Your plan is ridiculous, but if we’re going to try it, we should test our compatibility now. If we don’t have that, there’s no point at all.”

Entirely virtuous, Madara reminds himself a few hours later, staring up at the ceiling and unsure if he’s blessing or cursing his entirely unconscious decision to activate his Sharingan at some point, burning the images of white skin beaded with sweat and swollen red lips and heavily lidded eyes in a head thrown back in silent pleasure into his mind forever. It’s entirely virtuous. Giving Tobirama something to live for is the best thing for the village, and this will help. That’s all that’s going on: the only person I could have loved was Hashirama, and he’s gone – this is just a physical thing, a sacrifice that I’m making. Nothing more.

It’s not like I’m going to fall in love with him or anything.

#madatobi #Uchiha madara #senju tobirama #senju hashirama #tw: suicide #my fic #lonely dark and deep

23 notes · View notes

takerfoxx · 6 years ago

Text

As it so happens, my unplanned little rant about the Lego Movie sequel kinda ends up being a great jumping-off point, as here is another little rant that I’ve actually been working on and off ever since that discussion about grimdark deconstructions and how to and not to do them, mainly to just get it off my chest all in one go.

See, I (obviously) like darker stories, but like everyone else I got my storytelling pet peeves. And the biggest one is something I’ve talked about here and there, something that I call Redshirt Philosophy. Basically, this refers to the narrative treating the protagonists as the only ones whose lives matter, and any nameless passerby and/or walk-on is free game. By this, I don’t mean that it’s bad to only kill bystanders and side-characters while sparing the mains, I’m saying that it’s bad to treat those deaths like they don’t matter and that they happen with no consequences.

But there’s a sub-category of that that pisses me off even more: the concept of the Unintentional Karma Houdini. Basically, a Karma Houdini is someone who does something really bad and gets away with it. They go upon their merry way suffering no repercussions.

Now, in of itself, this isn’t a bad plot device, and it can be done well if it’s intentional to make a point. However, when a character who is supposed to be the hero does something bad and it’s not treated as something bad, or if it’s just brushed off with no consequences, or if the bad guys switches sides but is never held accountable in any way for their heinous acts…then yeah, that really gets to me.

So without further ado, here’s my list of good guys who did bad things badly and it still pisses me off!

Warning: the following contains spoilers for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, Warcraft 3, Elfen Lied, Future Diary, Game of Thrones, and Angel. Yes, I will be saying some bad things about most of those. So...take that for what it’s worth.

1. Protagonists who did bad things and were either treated as being in the right or at least insufficiently called out, but I am still a fan of the series and even still like the character. It’s just that these incidents kind of stick in my craw.

A. Buffy’s “Everyone but Me Sucks” speech, from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I’m starting off with the least offensive incident, as well as the most understandable, even if I still think it was bad writing. Okay, some quick background: in season 7, the Big Bad known as the First Evil starts sending its henchmen to wipe out the entire Slayer line by killing off all the girls who had the potential to become the next Vampire Slayer when the current one died (which, due to a weird loophole, actually wasn’t Buffy, but she still had her powers and shit). Anyway, all the surviving potentials get together and go to Buffy for help, who takes them into her house to shelter them and train them to defend themselves, even though they didn’t have any supernatural power.

Now, the thing about the First Evil was that it couldn’t become corporeal and interact directly with our world, which is why it had to work through agents. However, it could take on the form of anyone that had died to speak to people, just not actually touch them. Which meant that it could still appear in Buffy’s house to fuck with the gang, which it did.

The worst incident is when they noticed that a girl named Chloe was late in coming to breakfast, so they went to her room to wake her up. But upon entering, they find Chloe’s body hanging from the ceiling, with another Chloe standing next to her. It turned out that the First Evil had been speaking to her all night, slowly twisting her around and finally convinced her to kill herself.

Naturally, everyone is shocked and horrified. Buffy buries the body by herself in the back and then calls everyone together for a meeting. From there, she has this to say about their recently departed friend.

“Anyone want to say a few words about Chloe? Let me. Chloe was an idiot. Chloe was stupid. She was weak. And anyone in a rush to be the next dead body I bury, it's easy. Just...think of Chloe, and do what she did.”

She then proceeds to ream everyone for hiding behind her and letting her do all the work, giving them the “Get your shit together or die” speech. Of course everyone is offended and angry, but over the course of the next few episodes they start doing just that: pulling themselves together and becoming more proactive in the fight. All well and good; after all, sometimes leaders have to be harsh and tell people exactly what they need to hear to save their lives. It ain’t always going to be pretty, and you do sometimes need to be mean, especially when it’s a matter of life or death. I’m sure commanders out in the field have often had to make similar speeches to their surviving men, especially after one of them cracked and took the easy way out.

There’s…just a couple problems with the execution here.

See, this is the last we ever hear about Chloe. She freaks out, kills herself, and gets verbally bashed by the person she went to for help. And that’s that. She straight up loses, and that’s that. And call me a softie, but I have a real problem with introducing a terrified girl, have her get mentally tortured by the literal embodiment of Evil itself to the point where she takes her own life, and having the final word on her in the whole show be…that. And from the main character no less! It goes back to the whole disposable victim thing, which is funny, considering that the whole reason the show even existed was because Joss Whedon would always feel sorry for the cheerleader who would get killed off at the start of schlocky monster movies and wanted to see them fight back and kick the monster’s ass. Understandable, but it’s weird that that same trope would get used over and over again in his own show, all to make the monster of the week look scary. And again! There’s nothing wrong with that in itself, but it’s kind of noticeable when you have a kid’s head explode in one episode and have Buffy just make a joke about it, have a girl get her heart torn out in another and have her supposed best friend mention their bond all of once right after and then forget all about her, and then there’s the whole thing with Jesse in the first episode and…well, you get the idea. Joss, man, what are you doing?

But this wasn’t just a monster tearing out some teenager’s throat out. This was a suicide, followed by a verbal condemnation of the victim. Which, in a real life setting, wouldn’t be as much of a problem, but the fact of the matter is that no matter how much reality you want to inject into your fantasy show about vampires, ghosts, and robotic internet demons (look it up), your show does not exist in a vacuum. It wasn’t just the characters hearing that speech, it was thousands of people all over the world. And if you’re going to tackle a subject such as suicide, then you have to be really, really careful about how you handle it. Did it never occur to the writers that there might be people in their audience struggling with suicidal thoughts themselves, who were constantly told that their problems were all their fault, that they were being a burden, or maybe some of them had actually attempted it, failed, and were all called weak, useless, stupid, what have you?

Interestingly enough, I recently stumbled across an old Buffy message board, which had a thread debating this very topic. And it was pretty fascinating reading the various viewpoints, with many agreeing with me that the writers kinda dropped the ball here, especially since there were many points in the series where Buffy also gave up, succumbed to fear and despair, and even attempted to end her life. Plus, she wasn’t nearly so vicious when the First Evil nearly convinced Angel to kill himself in an earlier season. Others were of the opinion that while harsh, it was something that needed to be said, and that Chloe’s actions were cowardly and selfish considering what it would do to her friends. Plus, given the immense amount of pressure Buffy was under with all the trauma she had already suffered, snapping like that was perfectly understandable. And I can’t lie, I do see where both sides were coming from.

I guess my main problem with this episode wasn’t that the speech itself happened, but that it ended up being the final word on Chloe, which was pretty messed up.

So what would I have done differently? Well, if we must keep the speech, then fine. Have Buffy slag her off to motivate everyone to get their shit together. However, don’t let that be the final thing that’s said about the terrified girl who was manipulated and intimidated into committing suicide.

Earlier in the episode, it’s mentioned that Chloe had been a big fan of Winnie the Pooh, something that the First Evil used to taunt her friends. So, after the speech, after the fight and whatever it was that everyone did to get their heads into the game, just stick in another scene, one that’s just a few seconds long, where, when nobody’s watching, Buffy goes into the backyard and just leaves a Winnie the Pooh doll on Chloe’s grave, indicating that she did feel bad for her but had to say what she did. That’s it, that little bit of empathy is all I ask.

B. Hermione Granger’s scarring of Marietta Edgecombe in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Ho boy, this is a complicated one.

All right. So, Order of the Phoenix is my favorite of the Harry Potter books, mainly owing to Dolores Umbridge being a brilliantly written character in just how incredibly scummy she is, and the whole plot of her versus the school was just gold. And…kind of topical, now that I think about it.

But anyway, though it’s my favorite of the books, it also has my least favorite scene. Quick background: Umbridge has taken over the school and pretty much nixed Defense Against the Dark Arts, which is now needed more than ever. To counter this, Harry and co. take it upon themselves to start teaching it to the students. They form a group called Dumbledore’s Army and make their hideout in a magical room hidden from Umbridge and her minions to practice. However, someone sells them out, the room is raided, everyone is caught, and Harry is rushed to Umbridge’s office to be interrogated.

There, it’s revealed that the traitor was one Marietta Edgecombe, best friend of Harry’s girlfriend Cho Chang. This is discovered because Hermione had hexed the contract she had everyone sign to cause pus-filled blisters write out the word SNEAK across her face, something that apparently none of the brilliant and experienced wizards they got teaching at Hogwarts can remove. In fact, her final scene in the series shows her wearing a veil over her face to hide it.

Of course the heroes get out of their predicament in the end, but it pretty much destroys Harry and Cho’s relationship, as Harry is understandably a little peeved about that whole betraying him and his friends to a sadistic fascist thing and felt that Hermione’s hex had been brilliant, while Cho sticks up for her, saying that she’s actually a good person who had been the only one of her friends to stick with her after the murder of her previous boyfriend Cedric Diggory, and she had just made a (big) mistake, given that she hadn’t even wanted to join the DA in the first place and didn’t trust Harry to begin with, given that her mother worked for the Ministry of Magic, which wasn’t exactly keen on Harry at that point. Plus, she was kinda put out that Hemione had hexed them all without telling them, so basically they fight and break up.

Anyway, this in itself wouldn’t be much of an issue. A bit character that we barely know sells the good guys out, gets humiliated in return, and the good guys prevail in the end. What makes this something of a sticking point for me is due to one of the first of the many controversial social media canon details that JK Rowling would become infamous for dropping: that the blisters would indeed leave permanent scarring, and that she feels that this is wholly justified, given that she, and I quote, “Loathes a traitor.”

Okay.

There is…a lot to unpack here, and it has become even more divisive in the fandom than the Chloe thing I mentioned above. One camp holds that while betraying the DA was a rotten thing to do, the hex still crosses the line, given that scarring a sixteen year old for life for one mistake is really messed up, that she hadn’t even wanted to join the DA in the first place but had been pressured into it, that given that she had a parent in the Ministry of Magic she was probably subject to a lot of anti-Harry propaganda and genuinely thought he was a bad person, and that she had probably been singled out by Umbridge and interrogated, likely with her mother’s job being threatened. The flipside argues that she had to know that she still sold everyone out to a sadistic fascist, that Hermione was a minor herself and isn’t subject to the same rules that an adult would be, that Umbridge’s perchance for torture was well established at that point, that she had to know that her friend Cho would be punished with everyone else, and that teenager or no, there is no excuse for supporting someone like Umbridge. I mean, Hitler Youth and all that.

To tell the truth, like the Chloe thing above, I can see where both sides are coming from. On the one hand, I can see how someone like Marietta could be led to believe that Harry was trouble and feel that she was endangering her family by associating with him. Plus, we have no idea what the circumstances surrounding her betrayal were, though given Rowling’s words on the topic I guess Umbridge didn’t have to probe hard. On the other, she did sell out everyone to get pretty much tortured, so that deserved some kind of retribution, so good points all around.

But that’s not really where I personally have a problem. My problem is that Rowling’s addendum on the whole affair goes against the rules of the world she created, and even the themes of the book itself. Also, if Rowling wanted us to agree with her, then she fucked up the execution.

First, let’s take the bit where it the blisters left permanent scars. This is a world where they can make bones grow back, inflate bodies like a balloon without doing permanent harm, and where even mutilations are temporary (if painful) inconveniences. The only thing that can cause permanent damage is Dark Magic, hence Harry’s scar.

So…how exactly does Hermione’s hex permanently scar Marietta then?

Jumping off that, this isn’t the only instance of permanent scarring in that book. One of the many horrible things Umbridge did to students was force them to write lines with a magic pen that literally carved out those lines into their skin, resulting in Harry picking up a new scar that read I MUST NOT TELL LIES. The fact that this scar can’t be removed with magic is one of the many clues that Umbridge is more than just a pompous asshole and had dealings with something darker.

Look, I’m not saying that the two situations are a one-to-one parallel, but it just feels kind of uncomfortable for the book to treat magically scarring kids as something horrible and unforgiveable (which it is!), only to laud one of the heroes for doing it right after, regardless of circumstances. It…just doesn’t sit right.

Plus, you know, there is the point that when you get down to it, the hex is kind of a problem in of itself. Like Cho pointed out, putting it on everyone without telling them is a little messed up, and it makes it completely useless as a deterrent. Why not use a tongue-tying spell or something? Then again, logic was never really the series’ appeal.

And finally, how the hell are we supposed to feel righteous indignation about a character that gets zero lines, just sort of hovers in the background, and has a character we already know to be sympathetic defend her? With Umbridge we had ample on-page reason to hate her, but we never get to see her finally get her just rewards in the end. The Malfoys are all sorts of horrible throughout the books, but other than some humiliation they apparently come through it unscathed. So really, this whole thing just feels weird.

How to fix? Simple. JUST DON’T PUT IN THE PART ABOUT PERMANENT SCARRING!!! All the rest about the hex can be written off as Hermione just not thinking things through. And without the scars, it sort of works. Marietta still gets paid back for her betrayal but isn’t disfigured for life, and the whole things becomes a lot less uncomfortable.

Hell, why not take advantage of the situation? Give Marietta some character growth, bring her back to redeem herself like they did with Percy, and he was way worse. Hell, Snape was downright monstrous, and he was made out to be this tragic redemption story.

Sigh. I know the movies get a lot of flak for the stuff they’ve changed, but switching things so that Cho was magically compelled to give up the secret and sidestepping the issue entirely was a good idea.

2. Heroic (or at least, portrayed as sympathetic) characters who cross the line so thoroughly that I now loath them and am infuriated whenever I think about them, but I am still a big fan of the rest of the series they appear in.

A. Tyrande Whisperwind’s slaughter of the Watchers to free Illidan Stormrage, from Warcraft 3: The Reign of Chaos.

Yeah…fuck this character.

All right, this happens pretty deep into the plot, so here’s the cliffnotes: demons are invading the world, and the remnants of civilization need to put aside their differences to stop them. In particular, the priestess Tyrande and her husband Malfurion, the Arch-Druid, set out to awaken their people’s sleeping druids for reinforcements. But while delving into the cave where said druids are napping, they come across a strange locked door. It turns out that the door leads to the prison of Illidan Stormrage, Malfurion’s traitor brother, who was imprisoned for turning on the Night Elves due to his lust for magical power. Tyrande has the brilliant idea that they should free Illidan to help fight the demons, BECAUSE THAT TOTALLY SOUNDS LIKE A SWELL IDEA! Malfurion says no, Tyrande tell him that she’s gonna do it anyway, and fucks off to do just that.

Beyond the door, she’s confronted by the Watchers, a group of Night Elves and their forest allies who had been entrusted with defending Illidan’s prison, who respectfully inform her that they will not waver in their duty and she does not have the authority to say otherwise.

So…she slaughters them.

All of them.

She wanted to free a dangerous traitor, the guards said no, and she kills them for it.

Yeah. That is a thing that happens.

But hey! Illidan is free now, and he agrees to fight the demons for her. And wouldn’t you know it, on day one he manages to destroy a powerful demonic artifact that was corrupting the forest and kill Tichondrius, one of the demons’ primary leaders, so that worked out!

��a pity that his lust for power took over and he absorbed all of the artifact’s power, turning him into a monstrous demonic beast and leading to Tyrande and Malfurion to become so horrified that they imprison him once again.

…nah, just kidding. They banish him, basically freeing him to do as he pleases. And as it turns out, what he pleases ends up being summon up a bunch of monsters from the depths and use them to strike at Night Elf villages, massacring its inhabitants.

Good job, Tyrande. You really know how to pick ‘em.

But you know what’s worse? You know what takes this whole ordeal from a massive fuck-up to completely killing any possible redemption for the character for me? As it turned out, Maiev Shadowsong, the leader of the Watchers, was out on patrol at the time and narrowing missed being murdered off with the others. And when she got back and found her friends dead and her prisoner freed, she gathered up what remained of the Watchers and immediately set off after Illidan.

Well, she finds him, but he and his new allies prove to be too much, so she calls for help. And Malfurion and Tyrande answer, with Tyrande even admitting that the whole thing was her fault and thus it was her responsibility to fix! Okay, okay, it’s a step in the right direction. Doesn’t really make up for what she did, but at least she’s…

Oh wait. Maiev calls her out on pretty much everything, and Tyrande’s response is, and I QUOTE, “I did what I thought was right. You are in no position to judge me.”

…

Oh, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bitch, YOU MURDERED HER FRIENDS! YOU FREED ILLIDAN, WHO HAS SINCE MASSACRED YOUR OWN PEOPLE! SHE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO JUDGE YOU!

Hell, waaaaaaaaay back earlier in the series, the human prince Arthas kills all the inhabitants of a city call Stratholme, all whom had recently become infected with the Undead plague, and it’s treated as his moral even horizon, the point where there’s no turning back from his descent into evil. Except…while terrible, he at least had a very good reason for doing what he did. Those people were literally moments away from turning into zombies, and there was no way to save them. Whereas Tyrande causes the deaths of even more innocent lives, whether directly or indirectly, but it’s treated as, at worse, as a whoopsie-daisy on her part. Meanwhile, Maiev is made out to be this revenge-obsessed extremist.

So…yeah. Fuck Tyrande. And hey, I still kind of like him, but fuck Malfurion too for letting it slide.

B. Just about everything about Lucy from Elfen Lied.

All right, cards on the table: of all my favorite anime/manga, Elfen Lied is easily the most flawed. The violence is beyond gratuitous, the nudity is sometimes downright silly in how nonsensical it is, the plot is completely inconsequential, and the sudden mood changes aren't exactly gracefully done.

Still, I’ve always had a soft spot for schlock that embraces its own schlockiness, and it has enough of my personal favorite tropes to make me love it. Hell, it was my freaking avatar for the longest time!

That being said, I do have one major issue with it, and that is the central character: Lucy.

Yes, the chick whose eye used to be my avatar.

I hate Lucy.

Why? Because she’s a psychotic serial killer who’s graphically murdered hundreds of innocent people out of pure sadistic nihilism. One of her first acts upon coming into her powers is to kill a random family just so she could hide out in their house, and that’s when she was a child. There’s a scene that establishes that she’s mastered the art of giving passersby brain aneurysms just so she can murder more effectively without drawing attention to herself. She tears Kouta’s family apart, including his little sister, because she was jealous. She has a breakdown and massacres an entire festival full of people. One of her first acts upon regaining her memories and wandering off is to use that brain aneurysm thing to kill a passing girl…just for walking by!

And that’s just the stuff we see her doing on-screen!

Now granted, the series doesn’t make it out that she’s still somehow a good person, though they do portray her as sympathetic for…reasons, and even treats her like the hero in some parts. However, there is a scene in the anime where, upon learning all this, still forgives her and even kisses her! And yes, that includes learning that she’s the one who murdered his little sister! At least in the manga he tells her off and tries to make her promise not to kill anyone else! And she also gets a terrible death in the process, so there’s that.

But I guess most of my issues come from how others fans still try to stick up for her. I had a friend who once said that she was justified for everything because kid-Kouta lied about the gender of his cousin. Uh, yeah, nooooo. She’s a monster, end of.

Oh, what’s that? She has a tragic backstory of abuse and neglect? Well, whoop-dee-fuckin’-doo. Guess who else has the same? Just about every Batman villain, and most of them are portrayed as dangerous monsters! Except…for the ones who are cute girls. Huh, imagine that.

Wait, she had an alternate personality intrinsic to the Diclonius driving her to kill? Well, I’d just might buy that, except for one problem: Nana exists. Nana, another Diclonius who is shown having the same alternate personality issue but also fighting it off and goes through the whole series without ever killing anyone else, despite enduring even more horrible torture and abuse than Lucy! And that’s why Nana is a ball of love and delight and fully deserved her happy ending and fuck Lucy.

Although…just to be clear, I’m not talking about Nyu: the childish other alternate personality that Lucy reverts to as a result of her amnesia. Nyu’s great. Nyu’s adorable and innocent, and since the series treats her like her own character, I will too.

But yeah, Lucy’s an irredeemable monster and screw anyone who says otherwise. Man, that on top of how much of a mess this series was, why did I like it so much?

=looks down at my Nana-themed mousepad=

Oh yeah.

Thank God for Nana.

And finally…

3. Protagonists who did so many terrible things and were never held accountable for their actions that I stopped liking them entirely, actively rooted for their failure, and eventually stopped liking the series as a whole.

For this entry, there really is only one example: every single one of the main characters of Future Diary.

Oh, Future Diary…

See, I used to be a big fan of this manga. Back when I first started IM, it was my favorite, and I eagerly awaited every month for the new installment. I mean, it was pretty much Battle Royale meets Code Geass, of course I would be a fan!

However, as the series went on and my favorite characters were all killed off, leaving the four mains, I started to realize something:

I did not like these people.

They were all pretty terrible people, in fact. All of them had either done something really, really awful or were complicit in the others’ actions, and they never really got held accountable for what they did, with their actions just treated as, “Oh, BIG SHOCKING PLOT TWIST!!!!” So by the time the series reached its end and they all got a happy ending, I felt no happiness for them. In fact, I was kinda pissed.

Later, when the anime first started airing, I watched the first couple episodes, and seeing their actions actually animated before me made it worse. I hated them, and I hated the fact that nothing they did ever had any real consequences for them.

Now, looking back on it years later, I can really see what a mess this series was. Nearly every aspect about the plot, setting, and character growth is pretty illogical and inconsistent to the point of being outright stupid. But that’s just the icing on the cake for me, and not my main reason for hating this series. My beef comes down to these people, and the things they did.

Yuki Amano

A lot of these people bash this guy for being weak and passive, a bit like Shinji Ikari. Personally, as someone who actually liked Shinji, that part didn’t bother me.

Him deliberately betraying an entire orphanage and gunning down all the orphans sure as hell did though.

As did him almost immediately forgiving his father and wanting to live with said asshole EVEN AFTER HIS DAD MURDERED HIS MOM! And this is just swept aside because yay, his dad is back!

Yuno Gasai

Ho boy, where do I start with the Queen of Yanderes? Well, let’s get this out of the way: I actually don’t have an issue with her creepy stalking. It’s her schtick, and if executed well it can actually work.

It…wasn’t executed well. It just was a long list of making her do crazy shit for big shocks, and outside of her Yuki obsession, she had pretty much no other characteristics.

Also, in the second episode, she deliberately sets off a bunch of bombs that massacres scores of innocent teenagers over a misunderstanding.

And after that happens, it is never brought up again.

So yeah.

Minene Uryu

Let’s start with the fact that she is a literal terrorist who has killed scores of innocent families.

And that she blew up part of Yuki’s school to get his attention, also probably killing several children.

And no, she isn’t held accountable for this. At all. Why? Because she’s cool, I guess.

Masumi Nishijima

Doesn’t kill anyone like the others…but hey, what about him completely ignoring the fact that he falls head-over-heels in love with Minene and even proposes to her, despite knowing that she’s massacred hundreds of innocent people and it’s actually his job to bring her in? Talk about being completely useless as a police officer.

And the worst of it? All the above get one kind of happy ending or another.

Yeah, no. Fuck each and every one of them.

Even though this is by far the worst offender, I’m not going to spend as much time on it, as it’s easier to rant about something that does a lot of things right only to fail spectacularly in one regard. Future Diary instead does so many things wrong that it’s kind of beyond saving and not really worth getting heated up about. Which is a shame, because the concept could have worked in the hands of a better writer, but instead, we got a dumb, illogical mess full of characters that are impossible to root for.

But okay, I’ve ranted on and on about these instances that piss me off, but are there any examples of series doing this right? As if in, actually holding characters accountable and making them suffer consequences for their actions when they usually wouldn’t?

Well, obviously, but there are a few instances that really stand out in my mind, because they’re instances that would normally get glossed over without mention, but the writers actually had the wherewithal to ensure that this wouldn’t happen. And they really make me happy.

A. Sandor Clegane stands trial for the murder of the Micah the butcher’s boy, in Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones.

It’s kind of funny that Ice and Fire would be on this list, seeing how it’s full of innocent people getting slaughtered, tortured, and raped, even by the “good guys’” hands at times. You’d honestly think that I wouldn’t even touch it as a result.

And yet, it is the rare example of someone going all in on the ultra-darkness but actually doing it right. Because no matter who it is doing the bad thing, who they do it to, and how well laid their plans are, they always seem to suffer consequences for their actions.

In this particular example, there is a scene where Sandor Clegane casually murders a little boy named Micah in the first book because evil Prince Joffrey did a thing. And of course, none of the bad guys suffer any repercussions. At the time, I chalked it up to another example of just how unfair this medieval fantasy world is meant to be.

Flash forward another book or two. The king is dead, chaos reigns, and the Stark family has been scattered to the winds. Little Arya Stark, who had been a friend of Micah, falls in with a group of good guy outlaws. And to her surprise, they have taken the now renegade Sandor Clegane hostage.

Naturally, since the Hound had been one of Joffrey’s top henchmen, this is a big catch for them, but since they insist on doing things honorably and giving him a fair trial, they run into the problem of being unable to pin any specific crime on him, since most of the stuff they come up with was actually carried out by other people or they can’t prove that Sandor was involved. But then Arya brings up Micah, which Sandor actually did, and of course the outlaws seize upon.

Now, when I read this, I actually put the book down for a moment to pump my fist. Because holy crap, they’re actually acknowledging that whole thing! It wasn’t just another example of an innocent person getting offed for shock value without the perpetrator being held accountable! It was getting brought up, and not only that, it was being used as a plot point! It was beautiful!

Of course, Sandor does actually win the resulting trial by combat and is set free, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that Song of Ice and Fire, as grimdark as it is, is fully committed to holding all of its characters responsible for their actions, and sometimes small cruelties will come back in huge ways, and I think that’s awesome.

Another example from the same series is Theon Greyjoy. Now, here is a guy whose insecurities lead him to betray the family he was raised by, steal their home, execute their associates, and even murder a couple of little boys and cover their bodies with tar just to make his men think that he had successfully killed the Stark boys rather than admit that they got away. Now normally, this would put him right at the top of my shit list, and it did for a while. But surprise surprise, the story actually manages to make him look sympathetic again, by…

1. Showing full well how his insecurities have caused him to make these mistakes

2. Have him get called out by pretty much everyone over how horrible his actions are

3. Show full well that he understands this, and feels rotten about it deep down inside

4. Have him essentially put through hell as a result, to the point where he’s physically mutilated and mentally scarred by Ramsay Bolton’s…administrations

5. Have him go through even more hell to try to redeem himself and put his life on the line to protect someone innocent

6. Make him acknowledge that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but he’s going to try to do whatever he can to atone for his sins once he gets his identity back

Through all that, when he finally is forgiven by Jon Snow and welcomed back into the Stark family, it does feel earned, and not through excusing what he did, but by acknowledging it and dealing with it directly.

B. Spike shows genuine remorse for his past, in Buffy/Angel

Kind of weird to include Buffy/Angel in this section after already calling it out before, but I’m pretty sure these two episodes had different writers.

Anyway, Spike is undoubtedly one of the most, if not the most popular characters in the Buffyverse, and it should come as no surprise that he’s my personal favorite. Quick background for anyone who hasn’t seen the series: he is a British punk-rock vampire renowned for loving violence and besting two Slayers in one-on-one combat. He started off as a main villain, but became so popular that the writers nixed his planned death and spent several seasons slowly bringing him over to the good guys’ side, first out of necessity, but giving him a redemption arc (which was controversial for…reasons) that ultimately ended with him fighting to get his soul back and become an actual hero. So, hoorays all around.

However, there still is the lingering problem of him having spent over a hundred years torturing and killing his way across the world. The last season of Buffy tried to address that by revealing that one of the heroes’ new allies was the son of one of Spike’s victim and wasn’t too keen on working with the monster that killed his mothers, but their execution of said idea was…deeply flawed, to say the least.

Things got better when Spike made the jump over to Buffy’s sister series Angel. In it, a rogue Slayer named Dana, who has been rendered mentally unstable after an evil man murdered her family and tortured her as a child, is deluded into believing that Spike was the man that ruined her life. As such, she kidnaps him, tortures him, and even cuts off his hands (don’t worry, he’s a vampire, they can deal). Then the cavalry arrives to save the day. Dana is captured and handed off to people that can actually help her, Spike is rescued, and goes to the hospital to have his hands sewn back on. Like I said: vampire. They can do that.

Anyway, Angel then uncharacteristically goes to visit Spike, and as a bit of a surprise Spike doesn’t seem to hold any anger toward Dana at all, and instead says something to the tune of, “What? I’m supposed to be angry because hers wasn’t one of the hundreds of families I killed? I spent so much time being a monster, I never stopped to look back at the victims.”

This is great, as it 1, acknowledges the wrong he’s done, 2, shows that no matter what he does to redeem himself, it’s always going to hang over him, and 3, puts no blame on Dana whatsoever. And with that, I felt like I was free to like and root for Spike without having an asterisk hovering over everything.

And honestly, that’s all I ask for. Acknowledgement. Accountability. Acceptance of consequences. Because otherwise, it just leaves a rotten taste in my mouth, and the more I see it happen in fiction, the more it bugs me.

So, that’s my rant about storytelling for today. My next posts will probably be something more positive.

#buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #chloe #harry potter #hermione granger #marietta edgecombe #Warcraft 3 #tyrande whisperwind #elfen lied #lucy #future diary #angel #spike #game of thrones #sandor clegane #arya #rant

9 notes · View notes

neo-shitty · 3 years ago

Note

toffee!

ah yeah i suppose ur right. yeah i think quarentine has had that sort of effect on a lot of people :( sorry to hear abt ur strict parents, hopefully ur friend will be able to come back soon. small outings (even with family) are still good tho, make sure ur taking care of urself toff.

youre totally right! ah yes thats good advice (/gen) ill try and use that when im in a slump ty. any music suggestions?

lol sames. even some of the stuff abt seungmin, innie etc is a little uncomfortable, like theyre grown ass men for sure, but at the same time, theyre still young, still just over being a teenager in the grand scheme of things. (on that note, i do struggle with worrying that im infantalising them, obviously theyre adults but at the same time, theyre still young. i do treat all fictional characters as my children, but i guess its different when its real people. idk. what do you think?) yeah some stans rlly need to take a chill pill, some are rlly walking the wire between 'ah theyre attractive/that look rlly suits them' and making fucking smut fics abt minors, like... they do not see a problem with that?? yeah tbh i feel like unless theyre 18 they shouldnt be put into the spotlight, weve seen what it does to peoples mental health, but modern day kpop industry is a lot like old hollywood with a lot of popular child actors -_- hopefully the big companies will learn but i agree, its unlikely

suuuuure toff haha. ill go searching for them, but idk if ill be able to find the fluff needle in the angst haystack (jkjk) yeah, fair i groan and complain but you do write angst etc rlly well, so if its what ur comfortable with, then pls continue, it is one of your strong suits, well as you write fluff aside

ah okay good! ill continue to send you essays then

THE ALBUM YES. so ive been looking forward to it for literally months, this is actually my first skz album release as a stay (since the last on was 9 months ago) i was sitting there hitting refresh on my spotify the second 6pm kst came around. (speaking of which, how did you do the release? i couldnt decide whether to watch or listen first but i ended up on listening cos there would be more material) okay: so cheese was super cool, very skz ya know? tho i almost wish theyd made domino the title track, tho obv it was a more experimental track and would have been a bit controversial (much like whistle for bp) i looooved domino and thunderous was absolutely impeccable. all the songs were amazing but standouts were- secrets, secrets which lowkey made me tear up idk why, red lights which almost killed me (it did not have to go that hard, but it did) and OT8 WOLFGANG omgggg i wasnt sure if hyunjin was going to be included in it but i was hoping and, ya know people had said hed be in there, but the further i got in, the less i was sure and then BAM hyunjin started what had been jisung's part and i just sat there grinning for about 5 minutes. surfin was absolutely adorable and gone away almost made me cry AGAIN. star lost was so touching, almost a nod to hyunjins little star? silent cry was relatable beyond anything. SSICK was funny? for some reason I was laughing while it was playing, idk the combination of added cheering and minhos aggressiveness and the totall seriousness they sung it. but i rlly enjoyed it. sorry i love you showcased their vocals like nothing else. the view is THE BOP of 2021, absolutely going to be stuck in my head for the next decade, that hook is genius. what did you think?

also did you watch their grow up performance? with all the stays and ALL THE TEARS? ;n; i feel like this is the end of an era of skz and tbh im kinda happy but also sad. super excited for their promotions but super bummed they wont get to tour. ah well

<3 w.a. 🐺

answer under the cut bc i gave an equally long answer to this already long ask HAJSH

oh yeah, abt quarantine having an effect. my friend and i talked about this earlier actually. i didn't realize the world was moving so fast until the pandemic happened. being in quarantine gave me time to think and i got to know myself more. it's just the sole good thing i got out of the isolation lmao. and abt my strict parents, ironically i got to go out today so i got to hang out with a few of my bestfriends. i had fun but my legs are a bit sore from walking. but they're a different set of friends. i'll get to hang out with the others when my getaway driver comes home in december.

hmm music recommendations for writing? depends on the plot you're writing. care to share what story you're working on and i'll try to rake my brain for a song that might match the vibe. i listen to classical / lo-fi if i don't have song inspo for a fic because lyrics sometimes distract me.

i don't think that's infantilizing tho. for me, it has something to do with my environment and the way i was raised. maybe it's the same the other way around? like this certain age (for the ones above 18 but below 20) is thirst-able for them. idk really. it's just not for me ?n? what i do NOT condone is writing smut for minors??? like get checked : D // i agree with everything with the idols being 18+ before they debut simply because it's for the best for their well-being like. how can young idols decide that this shit is the thing they want to do for life? or at least until their contracts last. idk :// it's unfortunate that it's unlikely to happen.

WELL. i have a list so you won't have to go search for them! in class (minho), in the rain (seungmin), gladius maximus (chan) and you've read five star already. and i just realized that most, if not all, of my upcoming fics are fluffs and i'm fond of all of them :D i used to focus a lot on angst because fluff disgusted the living shit out of me. i think things changed when i wrote champagne problems and hurt myself so bad i wanted to drop angst entirely. i didn't, of course, but i allowed myself to be self-indulgent now.

for the release of the album, i was on twt and watched the vid at 12 views (if i remember correctly, i watched back door at 14 so HASJH) i’m gonna talk by track so it wont be too confusing? bc i wrote this in paragraph format and it just ???? beware im very picky with tracks even if they’re my ults. so no offense if we have opposing opinions and i’m not fond of reading lyrics so these are all music wise.

cheese - oh god i hated cheese at first listen but it grew on me easily. i was singing the yeahyeahyeahyeah bit all day today :D

thunderous - i cant say that it’s my favorite title track. it felt really dry sometimes, both mv and music wise. but at the same time, it’s not that bad. the choreography carried the song tho o.O it’s so fucking cool. but like go live, another track has my heart and it’s

domino - AND YES I AGREE THAT THEY SHOULDVE MADE DOMINO TITLE TRACK UGHHHHH WHAT A WASTED FUCKING OPPORTUNITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW FOND I AM OF THIS SONG. it stands close to the level i love easy.

ssick - was a skip on first listen too because i found the chorus underwhelming but it grew on me? not that much but i can bear listening to it.

the view - it’s something the gen public like, hence its something i dislike. im not fond of songs that are structured like this? it’s not a bad song, just not the type of song i like. but i agree that the hook is very not catchy but it would get stuck in ur head.

sorry, i love you - it’s not as sad as i expected but i actually like it??? i can’t wait to write a fic out of it (1) HAJSHAJ it’s like a 3/5 for me. it’s angsty but chill?

silent cry - i’m pissed at this song bc it hits but sometimes it doesn’t?@?#!? but it’s starting to grow on me but definitely not my fave track.

secret secret - glad i found a secret secret enthusiast because my irls thought it was a skip?$?#@$? it gives me ikon vibes and i’m a huge fan of ikon’s discog so this was a win for me T_T +

STAR LOST - gives me bigbang song vibes and now im very sad :(( in case u didnt know, i’m a hUGE yg fan and 2ne1/bigbang introduced me to kpop so when i heard this track that gave me yg feels i just <3___<3 and it’s one of my favorite tracks anw moving on,

red lights - I WANT TO SKIP THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF RED LIGHTS EVERY TIME IT PLAYS LIKE IT MAKES ME FEEL AWKWARD KDSJFSK but fine. i’m adding this to props and mayhem’s playlist LMAO it’s more aggressive than sexc tho. more enemies to lovers o. O

surfin’ - this coming right after red lights just wasn’t the best decision arrangement wise because how did we go from ooh sexc to aigh pARTAY. felix saying sheesh T___T it’s such a fun song i want to go to the beach ;n; do you like beaches?

gone away - i have yet to read the lyrics because i’m using this as inspo for a jeongin fic jskjash it’s not the type of ballad i like but it’s so fucking sad to listen to :’ ) the pitch change caught me off guard? still does. it’ll grow on me prolly.

wolfgang - I YELLED WHEN I HEARD HYUNJIN IN WOLFGANG. i didn’t like this song until recently. it gives me the confidence boost i need to pick myself off self-esteem crashes.

and no i haven't watched that performance and i prolly wont because i’ll cry. i’m excited for the promotions too. do you think they’ll still have a repackage?? i cant fucking believe that i just finished waiting for 12am kst for skz teasers and now i have to look forward to 12am for nct 127??@?#? NOT A SINGLE DAY OF REST FOR THIS STAYZEN

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

0 notes

lindyhunt · 6 years ago

Text

14 Copywriting Examples From Businesses With Incredible Copywriters

You all know the Old Spice guy, right?

The years-old "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like" campaign was memorable for many reasons, but one of them was that it gave Old Spice a voice -- voice that came through in every video, commercial, tagline, Facebook update, tweet ... you name it.

And do you know who is behind all of that marketing collateral?

Copywriters. The ability to find the exact right words to tell your company's story isn't an easy feat, and it's even harder to do so consistently.

So when we come across companies that are doing it successfully, we think their copywriters deserve a pat on the back (and a raise?). Take a look at some of the companies we think have stellar copywriting, and if you're looking, maybe get some inspiration for your own brand, too.

Copywriting Examples

UrbanDaddy

Articulate

Moosejaw

First Round Capital

Trello

Velocity Partners

Intrepid Travel

Cultivated Wit

Cards Against Humanity

R/GA

innocent

GymIt

ModCloth

Ann Handley

1. UrbanDaddy

UrbanDaddy has mastered the art of getting me to open emails. And when I click into them, they don't disappoint.

Below is the copy from an email they sent me with the subject line, "Fun."

There are a couple things in this email that caught my eye.

First of all, there's no long preamble. The writers get straight to the point -- a wise choice for something as simple as a rubber band gun lest the reader feel cheated reading sentence after sentence for something so common.

Secondly, take a look at the purposeful sentence structure. This copywriter eschews conventional grammar rules by combining run-on sentences and traditional product promotion copy in sentences like:

Lock and load with Elastic Precision, a Kansas City-based workshop that manufactures high-powered weaponry except not at all because they actually just shoot rubber bands, now available online."

Keep reading, and you see a conversational tone that mildly mocks the silliness of the product, but also loops the reader in on something kinda fun.

And then, of course, they close with badgers. And how can you go wrong with badgers?

Best of all, UrbanDaddy's unique tone is found in every single piece of copy they publish -- from emails, to homepage copy, even to their editorial policy:

This company clearly knows its audience, which jokes to crack, and has kept it consistent across all their assets.

2. Articulate

Articulate, a HubSpot Agency Partner based in the U.K., is an inbound marketing agency, and their website copy is full of witty, confident copy on pages where you wouldn't think you'd find it. Here's exhibit 'A':

The copy above introduces Articulate's "Meet the Team" page -- not a page you'd think can pull off witty copy, right? Well, Articulate's page goes beyond employee photos and their job titles.

In addition to the playful header, "not the usual blah blah," the copy above takes on a farm theme, assuring visitors that employees aren't simply "caged hens." Rather, they're a "free-range, artisanal, cruelty-free team." Funny on the surface, but helpful to job seekers who, much like food, want to know where their work comes from and how it's made.

3. Moosejaw

Not many brands are brave enough to touch the products they're selling with unconventional copy ... but Moosejaw isn't afraid to have a little fun.

The outdoor apparel outlet store uses humor as a way to sell their products without being overly forward about it. By appealing to people's emotions, they're more engaging and memorable.

Here are a few examples:

Same goes for the call-to-action buttons that show up when you hover your mouse over a product photo -- like this one, which reads, "Look This Cool."

Does their brand voice carry over to the product descriptions, you ask? See for yourself:

If you think the brilliant copy stops at their homepage, think again. They extend it to their return policy, too. Here, they do a great job of not sacrificing clarity for humor. Their copywriters successfully made people laugh while still being helpful.

4. First Round Capital

While a sign of great copywriting is making people smile, another is making people feel understood. The copywriters at First Round do a phenomenal job at letting the value of their offerings for their customers sell themselves.

For example, they hold over 80 events every year connecting their community together. Instead of just explaining that they have events and then listing them out, they begin that section of their website with a simple statement that hits close to home with many entrepreneurs: "Starting a company is lonely."

Using words like "imperfect," "safety net," and "vulnerable" encourages readers to let their guards down and feel understood by the brand and their community.

Plus, you've gotta love that last line about stick-on name tags. Those things get stuck in my hair.

5. Trello

Do you know what Trello is? If the answer is no, then behold the copywriting on their website. Their product description -- like most of the copy on their site -- is crystal clear:

And then check out how clear this explainer content is:

Some of the use case clarity can be attributed to how smart the product is, but I think copywriters deserve some credit for communicating it clearly, too. They call it like it is, which ultimately makes it really easy to grasp.

And I couldn't write about the copywriting talent at Trello without including the clever references in the microcopy of their login page:

Each time you refresh the login page, you see a different, equally clever example email belonging to a fictional character, like Ender from Ender's Game and Dana Scully from The X-Files -- a great example of nostalgia marketing. This is a small detail, but nonetheless a reminder that there are real humans behind the website and product's design. Delightful microcopy like this kinda feels like I just shared a private joke with someone at the company.

6. Velocity Partners

No post from me about excellent copywriting would be complete without mentioning the folks at Velocity Partners. A B2B marketing agency out of the U.K., we've featured co-founder Doug Kessler's SlideShares (like this one on why marketers need to rise above the deluge of "crappy" content) time and again on this blog because he's the master of word economy.

What is "word economy"? It's taking care that every word you use is the right word. It means getting your point across concisely and not dwelling on the details when you don't have to. In a world of shortening attention spans, this is the ultimate goal when communicating your message.

And since we're talking about word economy, I'll shut up and let you check out one of Kessler's SlideShares for yourself:

Source: Velocity Partners

Whereas SlideShares are typically visual, Kessler's is heavily focused on copy: The design stays constant, and only the text changes. But the copy is engaging and compelling enough for him to pull that off. Why? Because he uses simple words so his readers understand what he's trying to say without any effort. He writes like he speaks, and it reads like a story, making it easy to flip through in SlideShare form.

The copy on Velocity Partners' homepage stood out to me, too. Check out, for example, how humble they are when introducing their case studies:

I also like how casual and honest they kept their email subscription call-to-action. The header is especially eye-catching -- and it plays off of the popular SlideShare about crappy content we mentioned earlier.

In fact, Velocity Partners' Harendra Kapur recently wrote a blog post on what goes in to great B2B writing -- starting with this disclaimer, of course.

7. Intrepid Travel

The copywriters at Intrepid Travel, a Melbourne-based adventure travel company, are on this list because they're at the intersection of interesting and informational.

I love seeing copy that is totally and utterly functional -- that delivers critical information, but is so pleasant to read that you actually keep reading. Quite a feat on the internet these days.

Take a look at their company description, package names, and package descriptions below for some examples of this fantastically functional copywriting in action:

Of course, they do benefit from quite a lovely subject matter, but still -- hats off you to, Intrepid Travel.

8. Cultivated Wit

The copywriters over at the "comedy company" Cultivated Wit do a great job of embracing their own brand of quirk throughout their site. They already have one of the best "About" pages in the game, but their delightful copy is spread throughout their site -- sometimes in the most unexpected of places.

For example, take a look at the copy around contact information at the very bottom of their homepage:

This section of the homepage is an afterthought at best for most companies. But for these folks, it was an opportunity to have a little fun.

They also have two, unique email subscription calls-to-action on different pages of their website. They're very different, but both equally funny and delightful. Here's one from the homepage:

And one from the "About" page:

9. Cards Against Humanity

You may or may not be familiar with Cards Against Humanity, the self-declared "party game for horrible people." It's a card game -- one that's simultaneously entertaining and inappropriate. The copywriting on the cards themselves are guaranteed to make you laugh.

The brand voice is very distinctive, and can seem a little abrasive, and even a little offensive. But that's their whole shtick: They're not trying to appeal to everyone, and that's perfectly okay. What they do do a great job of doing is appealing to their target audience.

One look at their FAQ page and you'll see what I mean:

Here's a sneak peek into some of the answers to these questions. You'll see they make fun of both themselves and the reader -- which is exactly what the card game is about.

10. R/GA

With the exception or UrbanDaddy, I've been focusing a lot on site copy so far, so I wanted to check out some examples of excellent social media copywriting.

I know you all like to see some more B2B examples in here, too, so I surfaced one of the best examples of the holy grail: Twitter copy, from a B2B company, that's funny. Behold, some recent highlights from the R/GA Twitter account:

HOW CAN I RELAX WITH ALL THESE WEEDS pic.twitter.com/T1x78HnPhr

— R/GA (@RGA) May 24, 2016

Your extended family going all caps with the Facebook posts like, hey we're all just people here and I've got some OPINIONS

— R/GA (@RGA) May 24, 2016

Imagine living in a time when horrible music wasn't pumped into every square inch of public/commercial space.

— R/GA (@RGA) May 19, 2016

Just saw a list of top tech talent referred to as "poachables," which sounds delicious. Like sophisticated Lunchables.

— R/GA (@RGA) May 16, 2016

If only audience segments knew how they were referred to in strategy decks.

— R/GA (@RGA) May 11, 2016

11. innocent

Check out U.K.-based drink makers innocent, and you'll see a language, style, and tone that matches their philosophy, product, and even their branding and design. It's all just clean, straightforward, and simple. And believe it or not, simple is a really, really hard thing to nail in copywriting.

This stands out best on their "Things We Make" page. (Isn't that page name even beautifully simple?)

This same straightforward-but-charming copywriting philosophy extends to their site navigation:

Their meta description is pretty awesome, too:

And my personal favorite:

12. GymIt

I've always loved the copy at GymIt. In fact, I check their site and social profiles all the time to see if they've freshened anything up. Luckily, they're no one-trick pony. They continue to keep their site fresh with captivating copy.

Here are some of my favorites, all of which hit on the pain points of gym-goers that they try to solve -- and actually do solve with their customer-friendly policies.

I can vouch for that one. I know how much of a hassle it is to move far away from your gym -- and how refreshing it must be to be able to walk in and just ... quit.

All of this rolls up to their philosophy, espoused eloquently on their "About" page, that gyms should just be about working out:

Talk about having an understanding of their core audience. The copy both in its value proposition and across its marketing materials reflects a deep understanding of their customers.

And how did their copywriters choose to make sure everyone knew what this new gym franchise was about if they didn't read that "About" page? This tagline:

Doesn't get much clearer than that.

13. ModCloth

ModCloth is a brand that has always had an excellent grasp of their buyer persona, and it comes through in their pun-filled copywriting. All of their products are silly plays on words -- check out this screen grab of some of their new arrivals, for example:

Dive into their product description copy, and it's equally joyous, evocative, and clever -- just like their customers. Often, it'll also tell the story of what you'll do while wearing their items:

After reading their descriptions, one can imagine what their life would be like if they owned this product. That's Copywriting 101, but so few brands can actually pull it off like the folks at ModCloth do.

14. Ann Handley

When it comes to building up your own personal brand, it can be easy to get a little too self-promotional. That's where the copywriting on your site can make a big difference.

On Ann Handley's personal website, she added bits of microcopy that shows, despite her many accomplishments (like being a best-selling author and award-winning speaker), that she still doesn't take herself too seriously.

Check out her email subscription call-to-action, for example:

Anyone can be a successful copywriter with the right brand voice -- and a little editorial guidance along the way. Want to learn how to write awesome copy for your business? Grab the free ebook below.

0 notes

how2to18 · 7 years ago

Link

“A PROTEST POETRY intended to induce funks of ambivalence.” That phrase appears in Stan Apps’s “Free Dolphin Radio,” the opening poem of Flarf: An Anthology of Flarf. While its placement may have been fortuitous (given the book’s alphabetical arrangement by author), it seems a fitting motto for the entire collection, as well as for the movement the book presents as a whole. “Flarf” refers to a self-styled avant-garde collective that sprung up around 2000 and was devoted to exploring the web, then in its “wild west” phase, as a resource for making poetry. On a private email list, its members developed a technique they refer to as “Google sculpting,” which calls for the poet to trawl the internet for preexisting language, usually by putting combinations of intentionally silly or offensive keywords into a search engine (“pizza” and “kitty,” “Rogaine” and “bunny,” “pussy” and “turtleneck”) and then creatively arranging the results into strange, funny, and unsettling collages. Voilà: “Arthur Treacher grabs my assclown / Assclown grabs my squid / Squid signs me up for the NOW Action Alert list.” (This is from Sharon Mesmer’s “Squid Versus Assclown.”)

The name “Flarf” is a neologism, which one of its founders, Gary Sullivan, defines as describing “a kind of corrosive, cute, or cloying, awfulness. Wrong. Un-P.C. Out of control. ‘Not okay.’” It is also, he explains, a verb, meaning “to bring out the inherent awfulness, etc., of some pre-existing text” (thus, one can “Flarf” any unsuspecting piece of writing). Flarf, you might say, is what poetry would sound like “if pirates pumped the stuffed-up airwaves full of dolphin hymns and rat speak,” to quote another line from that same opening poem.

In the early 2000s, Flarf was a big cartoon thumb stuck in the eye of the poetry establishment. Pumped full of “rat speak” by pirate poets sailing the high seas of the internet, Flarf poems were disjunctive works made from the ugly feelings, vulgarity, and raucous surreality that colors our everyday experience in the digital age. With language extracted from chat rooms, message boards, and the underbelly of our online lives, the poems were deliberately messy, abrasive, and distasteful. But Flarf was also ostensibly “a protest poetry”: from the start, the Flarfists explained that they were supplying a subversive response to the nightmarish absurdity and deceit of contemporary culture in the post-9/11 era. Mostly, though, it seemed custom-designed to provoke misgivings from arbiters of taste and to induce “funks of ambivalence” about its aesthetics, its politics, and its worldview from both staid cultural gatekeepers and other avant-garde poets.

The funk continues to linger over Flarf, now more a period style than a going concern. While it has been claimed as a powerful and enduring intervention in the development of American poetry, some see it as little more than an extended prank; others insist it was only a tired retread of Dada and other earlier avant-garde experiments. Some claim its practice of borrowing language from “ordinary” people on the internet (often riddled with misspellings, stupidity, racism, and xenophobia) is ultimately patronizing, elitist, a form of punching down. Flarf has been dogged, too, by ethical questions about whether the reproduction of hateful, offensive language perpetuates rather than critiques harmful stereotypes and prejudices.

This anthology will probably not put such questions to rest. For one thing, it’s not clear why the Flarfists decided to publish this collection of their work (co-edited by five of its members) now, at a time when many of the poets themselves have moved on, and the more heated debates about the movement have subsided. Is the anthology meant to provide a snapshot of a vital and ongoing phenomenon, like Donald Allen’s The New American Poetry? Is the timing of its appearance intended to suggest that Bush-era Flarf is now newly relevant in the dark age of Trump? Or is it more a bid for canonization, an enshrinement of a now-defunct avant-garde in poetic history?

It’s even harder to answer these questions because, unlike many such collections, Flarf is completely devoid of scholarly apparatus and critical framework: it has no preface or introduction, no manifestos or statements of poetics. There’s no effort to define Flarf or trace its origins or goals, no attempt to explain its methods or sketch out its intellectual or poetic investments. It is nearly impossible to tell when the poems were written, or whether any of the material in the book is new or recent, or if it all dates from Flarf’s heyday, over a decade ago. Of course the editors’ decision to remove all context and helpful framing is probably deliberate, in keeping with the anarchic spirit of the movement, which is as allergic as Dada was to high seriousness, “official” institutions, the canon, and so on. But if that’s the case, then why produce an anthology at all? At the very least, a few signposts would have helped orient a younger generation of readers who missed the Flarf moment the first time around.

What we are left with, of course, are the poems themselves, giving us the opportunity to take stock of Flarf’s achievement, as it gathers in one place many of its best-known, and best, works, including Drew Gardner’s “Chicks Dig War,” Jordan Davis’s “Pablo Escobar Shopping T-Shirt,” Michael Magee’s “Mainstream Poetry,” Sharon Mesmer’s “Annoying Diabetic Bitch,” K. Silem Mohammad’s “Mars Needs Terrorists,” and selections from Katie Degentesh’s The Anger Scale. Left to fend for themselves, these poems do make a sort of argument for Flarf’s value, and relevance. From the vantage point of 2018, Flarf can be seen as a compelling extension of the long, vital tradition of avant-garde collage, appropriation, and remix, updated for the internet age in intriguing ways. The best Flarf poems use the resources of search-engine technology to capture the exuberance, the strangeness, and the cracked beauty of what Anne Boyer calls our “electronic vernacular.” Jordan Davis suggests as much in one poem when he writes, “‘What I love about the chat rooms / Is that they’re already halfway to poetry, / What’s poetry but lines, what’s a chatroom,’ / He started rubbing the squid.” Where else can one find a poem titled “Humanism Is Cheese” or another with lines like these: “Phoenix is the land of milk dowsers, / and I’ve always been / a wolverine bunny cage xenocide forum asshole”? The poems teem with a density of reference, evincing the strange magnetic power of labels, names, and data in a culture drowning in signifiers: “Dag Hammarskjold rolls off our lips as easily as Lassie,” Boyer writes. “I just killed the Pillsbury dough boy,” the speaker of one of Gardner’s poems announces, before quickly bouncing off toward Terry Gross, “Charman” Mao, Shelley Duvall, Wallace Stevens, Minnie Driver, and Dan Rather.

Other poems crackle with the upending of clichés (“Same old job, / same old Diplodocus bong water orgy” — Gardner again). They frequently delight in the twisting of expectations, as in these lines by Mohammad, where the hackneyed language of romance is infused with militarism and violence:

love is a Pakistani Mirage fighter jet frozen, strange like it had, you know, bubonic plague

I’m a bit less crazy about Flarf’s fondness for goofy, supposedly “transgressive” scatology and the sometimes exhausting levels of zaniness — poems where we learn that “I have to conduct snot viscosity experiments / with ass-lint,” (Mitch Highfill) and so on. But although the movement has been maligned for focusing too much on play and hijinks, for being just a bunch of friends “fucking around with google on the man’s dime” (as Gardner himself once put it), Flarf can in fact be fiercely political: poem after poem takes aim at toxic masculinity, American warmongering and imperialism, virulent racism, the intersections between porn and rape culture, and the penetration of neoliberal capitalism into every sphere of daily life. I fully expected to find that revisiting Flarf at this particular historical moment would feel like stepping out of the Tardis into the now distant days of “Shock and Awe,” where John Ashcroft makes jokes about Abu Ghraib over the sound of Howard Dean’s scream and ends up in a spider hole of denial. But many of the poems feel surprisingly timely, very much in touch with our own batshit zeitgeist. “I hate the high levels of jerk war around here,” Gardner writes in “Skylab Wolverine Bunny Cage Nub” (Twitter, anyone?). Benjamin Friedlander’s potent poem “When a Cop Sees a Black Woman” has a different charge in a post-Ferguson world:

Black hair is more fragile than most.

It requires TLC when a cop sees a black women he can’t think

everything through. She is the shiznit. She tempts and she taunts. She speaks in a bold

outspoken manner. But bypassing a metal detector, his forced and never-bending

monotone drone is not a factor in her arrest.

The same could be said of Gardner’s “How to Watch a Police Beating,” which follows its title with these scathing opening lines: “First off, there should be two sets of laws — / act like an ox and try not to be nonwhite…”

Other poems repurpose gender codes and tropes in ways that resonate powerfully in the #MeToo era. Consider Nada Gordon’s “I Love Men” (“I love men, but they wear me out with all their confusing issues. One day they / say they love you and the next they see someone with bigger ass. // I love men, muscles, sex, porn, and chocolate”). Or Katie Degentesh’s “I Was Horny,” which stitches together a series of found statements, substituting the word “boy” for “owl,” creating an affecting, creepy commentary on predatory masculinity and the culture that fosters it:

Boys are interesting creatures.

[…]

The boys tear their prey, swallow it whole, and spit up pellets. They prey on small things. Boys fly silently. They see well in the dark, hunt at night and sleep in the daytime. They scare others by fluffing up.

[…]

I hope boys never go extinct and I hope they never get endangered. I love boys.

In the decade and a half since Flarf emerged, strategies of appropriation of the sort these poets deploy have spread far and wide. It is worth noting that they have proven particularly useful as vehicles of political critique and dissent for a long list of poets of color not affiliated with the (largely white) Flarf coterie itself, who have seized on such tools to create works that take aim at racism, US foreign policy, police brutality, oppression, and misogyny, often more directly and powerfully than Flarf. In her award-winning collection Look, for example, Solmaz Sharif incorporates euphemistic phrases from a Department of Defense manual but scrutinizes, dismantles, and subverts them, redeploying this found material for both intimate personal reflection and for expressing coruscating outrage at contemporary racism, xenophobia, and anti-Muslim policies. I would recommend reading this anthology of Flarf alongside other contemporary poets like Sharif, Tracy K. Smith, Robin Coste Lewis, Philip Metres, Layli Long Soldier, Shane McCrae, and Tyehimba Jess to get a fuller sense of the ends to which such tactics have been put in recent poetry.

Faced with the daily calamity of the Bush years, Flarf testified that verbal play, and the creative détournement of our culture’s own language, could be a liberating act of resistance. Its antics were a valuable method of pushing back against what Wallace Stevens called, in another dark time, the almost unbearable “pressure of reality.” Perhaps right now we desperately need art forms that can seize on the language of our time, expose its absurdity, its deceit, and its sinister designs on us, and repurpose it for different ends. But in 2018, the online culture of misogyny, racism, stupidity, and hatred that Flarf exposed doesn’t need much further unearthing: it seems to be everywhere. As we gasp for air and sanity in the depths of Trumpworld, Flarf seems prescient but also somewhat redundant. To paraphrase Man Ray’s famous remark about why Dada could not survive in New York: Flarf cannot live in America. All America is Flarf, and will not tolerate a rival.

Andrew Epstein is the author, most recently, of Attention Equals Life: The Pursuit of the Everyday in Contemporary Poetry and Culture.

The post Funks of Ambivalence: On Flarf appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books https://ift.tt/2LBSmbD via IFTTT

#Blogger

0 notes

topmixtrends · 7 years ago

Link

love is a Pakistani Mirage fighter jet frozen, strange like it had, you know, bubonic plague

Black hair is more fragile than most.

It requires TLC when a cop sees a black women he can’t think

everything through. She is the shiznit. She tempts and she taunts. She speaks in a bold

outspoken manner. But bypassing a metal detector, his forced and never-bending

monotone drone is not a factor in her arrest.

Boys are interesting creatures.

[…]

I hope boys never go extinct and I hope they never get endangered. I love boys.

Andrew Epstein is the author, most recently, of Attention Equals Life: The Pursuit of the Everyday in Contemporary Poetry and Culture.

The post Funks of Ambivalence: On Flarf appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books https://ift.tt/2LBSmbD

#Los Angeles Review of Books #topmixtrends

0 notes

thecinephale · 7 years ago

Text

Nicole Kidman 59 - #15-11

15. The Hours (dir. Stephen Daldry)

I used this project as an excuse to finally read The Hours and discovered one of my new favorite books of all time. So given my reaction to the book and the incredible cast I went into this with very high expectations. Unfortunately, they weren’t quite met. Don’t get me wrong. This is an excellent adaptation of its source material, but it’s also a pretty basic one. My favorite movies based on famous books are East of Eden, Clueless, and a film further down this list, all fairly radical adaptations of their respective novels. With an adaptation like The Hours where it follows its book so closely I’m just left feeling like I’ve already seen it in my mind. But the score, the editing, and the performances are all lovely. I’m happy Kidman won an Oscar, but Moore is the true standout here. Although it might just be that her section was my favorite in the book as well. Overall this is a very good movie. It just happens to be based on a masterpiece of a novel.

14. BMX Bandits (dir. Brian Trenchard-Smith)

I’m as surprised as you, but what can I say? Nicole Kidman’s first theatrical feature is an absolute blast. Yes, it’s an action movie about a bunch of teens with walkie-talkies on bicycles. But it’s also funny and exciting and shows that Nicole Kidman has always had the quality. It’s also totally queer! The first half of the movie seems concerned with which of the two main boys Kidman will be interested in until she’s like “Hey I like both of you so let’s do that.” It’s made for teens so the throuple isn’t consummated or anything but for the rest of the movie the three of them are more or less in a relationship with each other. It’s really casual and healthy and adds a surprisingly progressive layer to a simple, well told story.

13. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus (dir. Steven Shainberg)

I can’t decide if this movie is an ambitious failure or an underrated masterpiece. Maybe both? There are portions of the film that are scattered, inefficient, maybe unnecessary and as a whole it feels somewhat incomplete. But there are other moments, pretty much any time Kidman and Robert Downey Jr. are together, that are simply remarkable. The relationship between “Diane Arbus” and Lionel, a man with hypertrichosis, is so deep and warm and complicated. Watching the two actors interact is endlessly compelling and it just makes me wish either the other relationships in the film were as developed or less time was spent on them. Still, as is, it’s a strange and fascinating film worthy of reexamination.

12. The Beguiled (dir. Sofia Coppola)

It’s impossible to set a movie around the Civil War and it not be about slavery. Impossible. Films like Gone with the Wind and Cold Mountain may want to just be epic romances with Southern accents but they aren’t. The shadow of what’s not being addressed hangs over every scene. The same thing applies to this film. The difference is while those two movies wanted us to care about and root for their Confederate belles, this movie wants to show them as violent and sociopathic. This remake has one less black character than the original and two less than the source novel. And I do think that by not directly including black characters, as imperfect as Sofia Coppola’s take would’ve likely been, the movie just misses true greatness. But that doesn’t mean that this movie isn’t about race. Whether Coppola knows it or not, again, there’s just no way to make a Civil War set story and it not be about race. The cast of white women led by Kidman are perfectly terrifying as people who have finally been forced to face the limits of their privilege and are desperately clinging to what they have left. And Colin Farrell is a perfect object of desire and control. I think of a filmmaker like Jane Campion whose focus has always been squarely on white women, but who directly confronts race in her work. Sometimes choices feel off or even offensive, but this attempt generally deepens her work. I wish Coppola had at least tried. But even still the movie remains a sharp indictment of a lacy gaggle of Scarlett O’Haras.

11. Margot at the Wedding (dir. Noah Baumbach)

Before seeing this film I thought I only liked Noah Baumbach’s films co-written by Greta Gerwig. I absolutely love Frances Ha and Mistress America, but I thought The Squid and the Whale and Greenberg were just fine, I disliked While We’re Young, and I actively hated Kicking and Screaming. But I think it might just be that I like his films that center women. I think by focusing on women he’s forced to step outside of himself in a way that feels very fruitful for him as an artist. This is definitely his strangest film and I really admire its audacity. Harris Savides is one of film history’s great DPs and his work here is subtle and essential, showing that great cinematography doesn’t have to (in fact, rarely does) equal flashy. Kidman, Jennifer Jason Leigh, and Jack Black are all wonderful and I love that it’s as hilarious as it is depressing. I’m not quite sure this movie achieves all its ambitions, but I’ll always take a flawed, interesting work over something predictable.

#Kidman 59 #Nicole Kidman #The Hours #BMX Bandits #Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus #The Beguiled #Margot at the Wedding

0 notes

recentanimenews · 8 years ago

Text

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Anime of 2016

After a bit of a delay, we're back with our third and final set of Staff Picks. David, Ink, Evan, and Jared rattle off their top three new anime titles of 2016 (that means retro releases are disqualified, though there were a lot of good ones this year). Taking a look at both the breadth of genres and the artistic ambition of these series and movies, it's easy to see that 2016 was a pretty fantastic year for anime. Here's to another one.

David Estrella

Kizumonogatari Parts One and Two

To no one’s surprise, Kizumonogatari Parts One and Two are the best anime of 2016. In all likelihood, Kizumonogatari Part Three will be the best anime of 2017, having missed the cut off by about six days. “Best Anime of 2017” is looking like a title defense without any promising contenders on the horizon, save for perhaps Makoto Shinkai’s runaway monster hit your name., staggering into the US a year after its heroic Japanese theatrical run like a favorite uncle that always arrives at the end of your birthday party. Will there be an anime that’s as impactful with the violence, as seductive with the visuals, and as hypnotically scripted as Kizumonogatari? Takeshi Koike’s Redline and its infamous “seven hand-drawn years” development cycle is perhaps the closest analogue to the experience of having to wait this long for a project that many assumed just wasn’t happening anymore. Well, Kizumonogatari did happen, I flew out to Japan to see it, to live and breathe it on opening day, and just that one hour runtime for the first part alone blew the doors out the theater. Everything after Kizumonogatari is an exercise in disappointment, an eternal trial for my commitment to the medium in this monochromatic post-Kizumonogatari world.

Ink

Picking three titles for AOTY (Anime of the Year) is nerve-racking when you consider the sheer number of series that debut (let alone continue) per season. For every title that deserves recognition for its animation, there’s another that’s got a great story, another that has great art, and another that’s of social value. And while it feels like any Sayo Yamamoto work should be included on principle alone, sometimes there’s just too few accommodating slots.

#3 Mob Psycho 100

I like stories that surprise, stories that upend or skew expected methods of execution or outcome. Most fans of Mob Psycho 100 will immediately cite the art and animation as its main draw, and that’s because there seems to be nothing else praiseworthy in the first two episodes. The story of an inept boss taking advantage of and credit for his employee’s true talents is a little too real to be funny and too overused to be engrossing, and the associated humor is as stale as the aforementioned concept. But what this series does to avoid that trench is turn the narrative away from that situation to focus on the main character’s inner turmoil, turn away again to focus on his relationship with his brother, and link everything together by heading down another avenue. The world expands organically and without contrivance. It’s a grand bit of storytelling, told with an unexpected tenderness spiced with laughter, under an umbrella of raw and powerful art and animation that’s portrayed some of the best action scenes this year.

#2 Keijo!!!!!!!!

It’s just about to wrap up for the season as I write this, so I’m probably a little biased, but this is the best damned anime comedy of 2016. Every single episode literally made me laugh out loud multiple times, and as a man who values the healing power of laughter, and given the ever-sinking shithole that is 2016, I can honestly say that this is a healing anime. On more than one occasion, I’ve elicited the concern of neighbors and housemate alike for my post-guffaw, out-of-breath wheezing/gasping. That’s because the show approaches a fictitious sport with earnest exuberance for the elaborate exaggerations within. That is to say Keijo!!!!!!!! takes itself seriously and reaps the benefit of humor through contrast. The show also manages to all but bench fanservice while being all about T&A, which is a rather incredible feat. That’s not to say this show is particularly empowering, but it knows how to make fun of and thereby negate its own offensiveness while being wildly entertaining with its absurdity. What I thought would surely be the worst of the season turned out to be one of the most enjoyable of the year.

#1: Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju

Brilliant in its staging and how that relates to story, characters, and concept, this Showa-era anime centers around two comedic storytelling practitioners who grow up like brothers and fight like them too. This show wows with the subtlety of its own storytelling and the storytelling capabilities of its VAs as rakugo performers. The level of detail in the character and background art, the dedication of trained camera focus, and degree of imaginative storyboarding of this period piece are also commendable. Set outside of traditional classrooms and featuring a large range of ages, this is also a great anime with which to introduce anime to people who don’t normally watch anime. It’s drama, pure and simple, told in an engrossing and visually appealing manner. I’ve heard of rakugo before via an anime comedy but didn’t realize that focusing on that art form and (the fictional lives of) its performers could be this interesting! For an in-depth discussion, listen to Episode 001 of the Oldtaku no Radio podcast. The second season airs in the winter 2017 season, so catch up quick!

Best Anime Short:

#3 Ojisan and Marshmallow

#2 Yamishibai S3

#1 To Be Hero

Best Anime We Never Got:

Konnichiwa Onara Gorou

Biggest Disappointment:

Flip Flappers

Evan Minto

#3: Erased

Originally considered by many as a shoe-in for Anime of the Year, Erased stumbling a bit at the finish line was enough to condemn it as a failure in the eyes of some fans. The series builds up a tense, time-traveling murder mystery in its first 11 episodes that the finale doesn't quite deliver on, but the journey is so immaculately executed that it's hard to dock it too many points. There's so much to love in Erased that it's hard to sum it all up: evocative cinematography, authentic depictions of grade-school friendships, nail-biting cliffhangers.... But what really stands out is the unexpected ability of director Tomohiko Ito (Sword Art Online) and A-1 Pictures to replicate the escalating tension and complex relationships of American "prestige" TV series like Breaking Bad and Mr. Robot. By the end, Erased may not weave quite as intricate a web as it seemingly sets out to, but along the way, it reminds us that TV anime is still capable of breaking into the sort of mature adult storytelling that has often been the exclusive purview of live-action TV.

#2: Mob Psycho 100

Last year webcomic artist One burst onto the anime scene with the smash-hit animated version of One-Punch Man, but the anime was based on artist Yusuke Murata (Eyeshield 21)’s Shonen Jump version of the series (adapted from One’s original webcomic). The real test for One was his second anime adaptation, this time without the filter of Murata's art. Appropriately, Mob Psycho 100 leaves behind One-Punch Man's grandiose action tendencies in favor of surprisingly heartfelt teenage soul-seeking, all while One maintains his off-kilter sense of humor and penchant for the grotesque. On top of that, Studio BONES delivers what might be some of their best work yet, as their animators attempt to one-up their coworker, Shingo Natsume, who directed the animator showcase that is One-Punch Man. The psychic powers in Mob create a kaleidoscopic world in which reality bends and distorts at the whim of its characters, who are themselves animated with wildly exaggerated expressions despite One's remarkably simplistic designs. If One-Punch Man introduced One's shockingly unique style to an anime world plagued by sameness, Mob Psycho 100 has cemented his place among this decade's most essential new creators.

#1: Space Patrol Luluco

In a shocking twist, a series featuring Inferno Cop made my Anime Staff Picks list! Space Patrol Luluco is a shameless work of self-congratulation, combining characters and settings from Studio Trigger's entire catalog into a mashup which clearly draws inspiration, at least in part, from the Marvel comics that director Hiroyuki Imaishi & co. love so much. That this feat has so rarely been attempted in anime should come as no surprise to anyone who's been keeping up with Trigger; they've consistently pushed the envelope in anime, whether its lo-fi comedy like Inferno Cop or Disney-esque family-friendly animation like Little Witch Academia. Not only does Luluco feature Imaishi's trademark breakneck dialogue and manic animation, but it builds nicely into something with real heart to it — not unlike Kill la Kill (though KLK screenwriter Kazuki Nakashima sat this project out). Peppering the core story, itself full of nonsense about space shoplifting and black holes, are cameos and references from every Trigger project so far, including Kill la Kill and Little Witch Academia and even Ninja Slayer and Kiznaiver. But it's the unrelenting energy and clear creative passion that makes Luluco shine so brightly in a sea of phoned-in anime cash grabs. Long live Studio Trigger!

Jared Nelson

#3: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable

David Production hasn't gotten anywhere near the credit they deserve for their work on JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable. I never thought I'd be living in a time where people could grow accustomed to having anime adaptations of Hirohiko Araki’s legendary manga. In my opinion, Part 4 stands as the best JoJo anime yet made. While Part 3 had an epic, globetrotting scale and told of an ancient evil and the battle to end a family curse. With Part 4, Araki went in the opposite direction, exploring the lives of the residents in the town of Morioh. A lesser creator may have failed to exceed the iconic Part 3, but Araki not only delivered, he surpassed himself. Part 4's stories and characters show Araki at his most creative yet. The Stand users in this series have extraordinarily imaginative powers that lead to sometimes zany, sometimes dramatic stories that leaving you guessing what could happen next. The craziness rose to a whole new level and capturing Araki's genius was a monumental task, but the animation staff at David Production did a marvelous job of bringing the crazy, noisy, bizarre town of Morioh to life. It’s one thing to create a work of genius, it's entirely another to adapt the work of a genius and heighten its impact even further. Diamond is Unbreakable deserves a spot as one of the best anime of 2016.

#2: Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu

Ink and I covered this show extensively in our (extremely long) debut episode of Oldtaku no Radio because it blew us both away for a whole host of reasons. From its debut episode, Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu stood apart as a mature, artful tale worthy of celebration. In a time where nearly all anime seem to revolve around adolescent concerns it was so refreshing to see a (period!) drama aimed at adults and featuring adult characters. It introduced the Japanese art of Rakugo to a broader audience and its depiction of Rakugo storytelling could itself be a masterclass in storytelling. Not only did the Rakugo performances leave me spellbound in and of themselves, they also advanced the larger plot of the show and the character arcs of the performers all at the same time. I’ve never seen layered storytelling so skillfully interwoven throughout an anime. Rakugo also depicted nuanced, complex relationships between its principal characters, particularly Shin (Sukeroku) and Bon (Kikuhiko/Yakumo the 8th). Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu stands out as a compelling story of passion, drama, and tragedy. After seeing it, I was convinced it would be my Anime of the Year, and I can’t wait to see its second season. It looked like 2016 would pass without any other show even coming close to matching it…then Sayo Yamamoto said “hold my beer and watch this.” Well, probably not. But that’s sorta what happened.

#1: Yuri!!! on Ice

Yuri!!! on Ice took anime by storm this Fall and it’s my pick as Anime of the Year 2016. This show has all the hallmarks of a strong show: memorable characters, a great score, and excellent storytelling. How it uses all those qualities sets it above all the rest. Yuri’s personal growth over the course of the series results in a very satisfying character arc. You can’t help but cheer Yuri on as he breaks through the barriers of his own self-doubt to reach greater heights as a competitor, artist, and person. As the series progresses we learn more about each skater’s motivations while advancing the overall plot at that same time. It turns out figure skating is a perfect vehicle for this kind of layered storytelling!

Like Diamond is Unbreakable, Yuri on Ice has memorable characters. Like Showa Rakugo, Yuri on Ice portrays nuanced dramatic relationships between its three leading characters. But unlike the other two, Yuri on Ice combines all of these qualities into one show, a show that isn’t based on prior work, but an original work from Sayo Yamamoto and Mitsurou Kubo. But above all those reasons, this show is an important show because it prominently and proudly features a healthy, open homosexual relationship. Yuri and Victor’s relationship isn’t played up for laughs or just suggested, their relationship is the heart of the show. So many times in the past, we’ve seen LGBTQ characters in anime exist simply as a punchline or as degenerates. With Yuri on Ice, we finally have a mainstream hit that treats gay men with the respect they deserve. Yuri on Ice is the best show of 2016 for a host of reasons and I won’t be the first to say so. I’m just happy that I get to say it at all. It’s definitely a show born to make history.

That's it for our Staff Picks. What are some of your favorite anime of 2016?

Check out our picks for manga and video games too!

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Anime of 2016 originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on January 25, 2017 at 7:48 PM.

By: David Estrella

#Anime #News #Ani-Gamers

0 notes