#but its a tear in the pad thats placed so that it keeps cracking open and bleeding when she walks so

[fjordfolk]

If this doesn't help i don't know what will 🥰

[tetsurobunni]

IDK You Yet

☞ songfic based off of the song IDK You Yet by Alexander 23 // 3.1k words

☼ slight angst, mentions of bullying, just wanting somebody to love (insert queen song here), tsukki being tsukki, akiteru being cute, freckles

☼ pairing : tsukishima kei x yamaguchi tadashi

☞ notes : sigh this song...yea // in this story, tsukki and yamaguchi weren’t childhood friends

this text = song lyrics

italics = flashbacks and inner thoughts

The sun cast a golden haze over the empty park in which Yamaguchi Tadashi sat. Gentle birdsong could be heard in the distance, a slight breeze swayed the branches of trees. A volleyball danced in between the boy's hands absentmindedly as he sat alone on a bench.

Today had been hard, just like any other day. The bullies he faced just seemed to never know when to stop; they continuously poked fun at him and made the poor boy feel like dirt. He had hoped that as he got older his tormentors would cease their attacks, but alas, his hopes never came true.

Yamaguchi had no one to call a friend. He tried to stay as translucent as possible as to not draw any attention to himself. It was the same routine for him every day; the only thing he found happiness in was volleyball.

You can see how that would be a problem, right? Loving a team sport when you have absolutely no friends? What a joke.

He sighed, stilling the movement of the ball between his hands. The sun was setting, the sky now a light pink and purple. 'I should start back home soon,' he thought, closing his eyes. Even though he knew the approaching darkness meant the temperature would drop and dinner would be ready soon, he didn't feel any urge to go home.

After all, there was no one there that understood him, or his pain for that matter.

He leaned his head back against the wooden bench, the lingering smell of cherry blossoms floating through the air.

'It would be so nice to have someone to enjoy this with,'

He couldn't help but imagine sitting in this park with the person he loved, sitting close as they watched the sun set.

How can you miss someone you've never met?

His lips curled upwards at the thought. Some would think that was cringeworthy, or too cookie-cutter; but that didn’t matter to him. Yamaguchi just needed someone to be there.

Because I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

He had placed love on a pedestal for as long as he could remember. His mother and father’s relationship was nothing less than perfect-the love they had for each other practically radiated throughout any setting.

Seeing his two biggest role models share something so special like that made him want it too. No, not want. Need.

He needed the passion, the validation. He needed to be wanted by somebody. That’s all he could ever dream of. He didn’t care what gender, or if they were taller or shorter, bigger or smaller.

Yamaguchi just needed somebody to love him.

But can you find me soon because I’m in my head

When he opened his eyes, the first thing he was met with was the dark starry sky. He jumped, startled, and checked the time on his watch. ‘My parents are going to kill me!’ He thought, frantically gathering his things off of the bench.

He ran down the sidewalk, taking in heavy breaths as he passed by the homes on his street. Lights shone through curtains, shielding from prying eyes. The sidewalk was dimly lit with street lamps, the lone car passing by every so often.

Straightening out his jacket the best he could, Yamaguchi stepped into the door of his house. A lone light was on in the kitchen. He peered into the living room to find it empty, no noises to be heard. ‘They must have already went to bed,’ he thought, flicking the switch to turn off the light.

Yamaguchi padded up the stairs in sock feet, treading lightly as to not wake his parents. As he passed the door to their shared room, he noticed the door was slightly ajar. Peeking into the small crack, he could see the two cuddled up tightly in each others embrace as they slept. Sighing, he gently shut the door.

‘It would be amazing have someone to do that with’

Yea I need you now, but I don’t know you yet.

As he entered his room, he took a second to scan the blank walls of his room. Spaces where pictures of friends and teammates should be were instead replaced by the pale gray of wallpaper.

He sat down on his bed with a sigh, running his hands through his dark hair. It seemed as though loneliness was a routine for him by this point, just the same empty feeling day after day.

To say he was tired of it was an understatement.

But thats exactly what his tormentors said, right?

“You’re such a loner”

“No wonder no one likes you”

“You couldn’t even pay someone to be friends with you”

“You’ll always be alone.”

And lately its been hard

It seemed that no matter how hard Yamaguchi tried not to recall the words thrown at him, they still came crashing over him in waves, beating him down over and over until he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

They’re selling me for parts

“Please just stop, j-just-stop,” he whispered, voice strained as tears rolled down his cheeks. He dug his palms into his eyes to try and stop the waterfall of emotions, but like every time before, it didn’t work.

He didn’t want to go through this anymore. He really, really didn’t. He wished that he was strong; that he could stand up to those people and tell them that he wasn’t worthless.

And I don’t wanna be modern art

The only thing that kept him sane was the feeling in his heart that there was someone out there for him. There had to be. Someone that could mend his broken parts and dry his eyes when the world got too much. He hoped and wished and dreamed about finding his person

He just hoped that they were okay with being the other half of his wounded heart.

But I’ve only got half a heart, to give, to you.

He hoped that, for once, he would be enough for somebody.

~~~~~ Tsukki’s POV~~~~~

Tsukkishima walked down the bustling street, vendors selling various foods and treats filling the air with delightful smells. It wasn't really his scene, per se, but Akiteru had paid him to get some meat buns from his favorite store. There's no way he'd pass up money and free food.

As he rounded the corner, the familiar little shop his brother had sent him to numerous times came into view. He stepped inside, the warm air and lively chatter washing over him.

He swiveled his head side to side, noticing something strange. At almost every table sat a couple sharing a meal, girls giggling at their boyfriends as they shared conversation.

For the first time since he left the house he took notice of the bright pink and red hearts that decorated the walls and windows.

'Of course, it's Valentine's day. Disgusting.'

He rolled his eyes at his realization. Valentine's Day was just stupid. Why would anyone want to celebrate such an idiotic holiday? He managed to shove past a couple who was standing just a little too close for comfort mumbling a 'tch, you're in public' as he walked past.

Not looking back to see their reactions, he walked up to the counter and quickly ordered 4 meat buns- he knew his brother would want more than two and since it wasn't his money, he decided he'd get one for himself.

Tsukki didn't know if he was jinxed by the shop or what, but as soon as he walked outside all he saw were couples. Couples here, couples there, talking, laughing, hugging, kissing. He'd never admit it, but it made him feel just the tiniest bit lonely.

He had never been one for relationships and romantics- or even feelings at that. He had always despised Valentine's Day ever since he could remember. The girls in lower secondary school would give letters sealed with bright pink and red envelopes to the boys they liked. Tsukki himself had even received a few, but he always turned them down.

No one seemed to ever catch his eye, or grasp his attention. All the girls were plain, boring, and dull. Too energetic, too shy, talked too loud- the list could go on and on.

The door creaked open as he stepped into his house, and Akiteru yelled an 'in here!' from the living room. The latter was practically drooling at the plastic bag in Tsukki's hand, basically begging like a puppy for a treat.

"Here, you nuisance, I got three for you. The other one is mine, don't even think about eating it," he said, tossing the bag to Akiteru, who instantly started digging through it to get his food.

Tsukki sat down cross-legged on the opposite side of the table, opening the package on his meat bun. Suddenly Akiteru got a sly look on his face. "Oh, I forgot to mention that today was Valentines Day, sorry for sending you out in that."

Tsukki narrowed his eyes at his brother, knowing good and well that he didn't tell him on purpose. "Whatever, I'm keeping the change from our order as payment for sending me out in that mess."

Akiteru just laughed, shaking his head slightly. "C'mon Tsukki, do you really hate Valentine's Day that much?"

"Yes."

"Well, okay then," the elder grumbled, taking a bite out of his second meat bun. "But answer this, why do you hate it so much?"

Tsukki faltered for a moment. There were many reasons as to why he hated the holiday, such as the PDA, too much giggling, confessions, all of the god awful pink-

"Is it just because you never found someone you like?"

Tsukki's eyes widened. He had never thought about it. No- there was no way he was pissed because he had never met someone he had feelings for; and he for sure wasn't upset about it.

How can you miss someone you've never seen?

"Ah, hit the nail on the hammer, huh?" Akiteru said, his face showing signs of pity.

"Shutup, will you? I don't care about liking someone, or someone liking me, or being in a relationship, or-"

"Tsukki. You're rambling. You never ramble."

The blonde stopped in his tracks. Why was he rambling? He didn't care, so why did what his brother say have such an impact his mood? He let out a quiet 'tch', moving to get up from the table.

"Tsukki, wait."

The latter faltered from his place at the entrance of the door to his bedroom, waiting for his brother to speak.

"I don't like Valentine's Day all that much either. It makes me feel super lonely, and I get into this sad funk that I can't get out of. But, sometimes, I think about the person that'll love me someday. What they look like, what their personality is, all that; it helps a little. You should try it," Akiteru said, a soft smile on his face.

The blonde responded by opening his door, walking in, and shutting it behind him. Was his brother serious?! There was no way he'd entertain such silly ideas. He'd do what he always did: ignore everyone else and keep to himself. No thoughts, just his music.

After he changed into more comfortable clothes, he slipped his headphones on and laid on his bed, letting the sounds of his music flood into his ears. Without noticing, he started to think about all the couples he saw today at the market.

He remembered seeing a girl with blonde hair and brown eyes, much like himself.

'There's no way I'd be with someone who looked like me- wait, why am I even thinking about this-'

He scolded himself in his head, took his glasses off then proceeded to run a hand down his face. He continued listening to his music... that is until he started thinking again.

He tried everything, listening to god awful rock, cleaning his already clean room, he even tried working out in order to get his brother's words out of his head. No matter how hard he tried, his brother's smiling face saying those words seemed to pop up in his mind.

"Y'know what, fine. Fine! I'll do it!" He whisper-yelled, laying down on his bed yet again. Closing his eyes, he thought back again.

"I think about what they look like."

Okay fine, he could do that.

Tell me are your eyes brown, blue, or green?

Again, he couldn't imagine his...person...having the same light, amber eyes as him.

‘Blue? No, too bright...maybe brown? Hazel? Yea...hazel is nice...’

After he got past the eye color part, he came to a standstill. He didn't really care about hair as long as it wasn't blonde... but what else? Would they have a mole? Freckles? Would they wear glasses, like him?

Suddenly Tsukki brought a pillow to his face and hit himself with it. 'I can't believe I let something that my brother said affect me so much."

Nonetheless, he continued.

"I imagine what their personality is like"

This was tricky. 'They couldn't be too loud. Loud people get on my nerves. They couldn't be too quiet either, I can't stand when someone just looks at me and doesn't say anything.'

He thought a little bit harder. 'Maybe they'd like volleyball? That means Akiteru would love them. I wonder if they would like the same food as me...'

And do you like it with sugar and cream?

'Akiteru makes coffee sometimes, I wonder if they put a lot of stuff in it,' he shriveled up his face in disgust at the thought. He couldn't stand all that sugary stuff in his coffee, preferring the bitter taste instead.

Or do you take it straight, oh just like me?

'Okay, I'm done imagining things that won't happen. This was stupid anyways," he thought, sighing and turning over on his side. For some strange reason, he felt utterly exhausted. It's not like he did a lot of physical activity today, so why did he feel so...tired?

His brain decided to play the images of the couples again in his head, and he realized why he felt the way he did. This was the first time he had actually thought about having a "special someone."

The thought made him want to hit his head against the wall.

He never thought that imagining about the person he might be with one day would make him feel so lonely.

Cause lately it's been hard

For the first time, he noticed the utter and complete lack of important people in his life. Of course there was his brother, that was a given, but he had no one he had ever considered a friend. He never talked to one person for longer than he had to, and even ignored some.

He was completely shut off from the rest of the world...

And it was his own fault.

They're selling me for parts

'It's better this way. You know it is. No getting your hopes up, no disappointment, no keeping up an image. It's better this way. All you need is yourself, not anyone else.’

"But having someone there for me really wouldn't hurt... right?"

And I don't wanna be modern art,

His phone screen lit up with a notification. 'FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL' popped up on his screen, and the blonde groaned once he saw the time.

'Two in the morning? Great. I've wasted my sleep on nothing.’

But deep down, Tsukki knew it wasn't 'nothing'. He just made the pit of loneliness in his stomach larger and harder to ignore.

How could he even imagine the person he would love when he was so pathetic?

"You're so stupid Tsukishima Kei, so, so, so mind-numbingly STUPID!"

But I've only got half a heart, to give, to you.

~~~~~Both POV~~~~~~

Yamaguchi tugged the straps of his backpack tighter as he walked towards the staff room. Students shuffled in the halls, chatter and laughter filled the air. Of course, the green haired boy kept to himself. He had already dodged one of his bullies this morning, so he was on high alert.

As if the first day wasn't nerve racking enough, for some awful reason he decided he was going to join the volleyball club.

'This was such a stupid decision you should just turn around right now,' he thought to himself, slightly panicking as he saw the sign that said 'staff room' on the door in front of him.

He just stood there, staring, unmoving, at the door handle. His heart was racing in his chest, all the air seeming to exit his lungs.

"Oi, are you just gonna stand there?"

Yamaguchi jumped from the sudden voice that came from behind him. He jerked his head, meeting amber eyes behind black frames. He tripped on his words, becoming a blubbering mess, finally spitting out a 'Gomen!'

Tsukki raised a brow at the slightly shorter boy, wondering why he was just staring at the door.

"Tch, why were you just staring at the door like a weirdo?" Yamaguchi bowed his head in apology, contemplating whether to tell this complete stranger the truth, but he finally decided he would.

"Um, I was...uh...going to... to join the volleyball club," he stammered, not meeting the taller boy's eyes. He felt highly embarrassed for some reason, like him wanting to join was humorous. Honestly, he half expected the guy to laugh at him.

"Hm, I am too."

Tsukki moved past the green haired boy and opened the door, walking in a little ways before he realized the latter was still standing there.

"Oi, c'mon. Unless you're not actually going to join..."

Yamaguchi's ears perked up at that. He decided, that for once, he was going to do something he wanted.

"Gomen, I'm coming."

Even though it wasn't visible, Tsukki slightly smiled. He wasn't actually coming to the staff room to join the volleyball club, but when he heard that this boy was going to be joining, he decided that maybe he would.

The shorter boy suddenly turned around, hands flailing.

"Oh! I'm sorry for being rude, I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi!" he said, a bright smile presented onto his freckled face.

'Hm, freckles...'

"Tsukishima Kei."

And I hope it's enough.

[blahblahwritings]

Like Father, Like Daughter.

A/N: Okay so I now have a bunch of requests to get through starting with this one. It didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped but still, I hope you like it anyway. Dad!Tony is a fave of mine though.

Words: 2223.

Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Adoption - is that a warning? - Happy ending.

It was coming up to two years since you’d started working at Stark Industries. After applying for an internship you found yourself, just doing coffee runs for engineers, scientists, agents, anyone. You were ridiculously over-qualified and frustrated but you were patient, waiting for your time to shine. That time came after six painfully long months.

Some of the smartest people you had met during your time there were fumbling over the maths for a particular experiment, none of them seeing the answer. That was when you parted them, took a marker from one of their hands and solved the whole thing on the flipside of the whiteboard they’d been using. You clicked the lid onto the pen with a satisfied smile and turned to find a mixture of baffled and shocked expressions. Pushing the pen into one of their chests, you clocked out, muttering something about being late for dinner. Word reached Stark that you’d left some of his best completely stunned and he quickly found you, taking you under his wing as his own apprentice. He bounced ideas off you, let you work on projects and even gave you your own workspace. You still fetched him coffee though.

The two of you had formed a close bond in the time you’d been working alongside each other and it wasn’t uncommon you would hang out at the Avenger’s compound, entirely for work purposes obviously. So here you were, sketching out blueprints for some new machine on the sofa in the main lounge. You had been working on them damn near all day and it was almost 9pm. Fighting back a yawn, you switched positions for the millionth time in the past hour, lying with your legs flung over the arm of the couch.

“Comfortable, kiddo?” Tony chuckled, his head appearing over the back of the sofa to look at you. A sleepy smile found its way to your face as you sat up, turning to him as he sat across from you. “Whatcha working on there?” He asked, holding out a hand for the tablet you held.

“A mechanism that should fix the problem you’ve been having with the new suit.” You explained as you gave him the sketches. He flicked through the layers, eyebrows raising. “I’m impressed, this could work.” You scoffed. “Don’t sound so surprised, I’ve fixed your shit more than a couple of times.” You laughed.

“Language. God I sound like Cap, I can’t be getting that old.” He shuddered causing you to snort out a laugh. Handing back the tablet, he stood. “You should get some rest, you go back home early tomorrow, remember?” With a roll of your eyes you stood, stretching. “You of all people can’t tell me to go to bed, I’ve brought you coffee at three in the morning before.” You cocked an eyebrow, smirking. He nodded, looking past you. “That's… unfortunately true. I really can’t win with you, huh?” His head tilted. “At least I know where you get that from.” He muttered under his breath. Your brows knitted together in confusion as he masked the flicker of panic on his face. “I’ve met your mom, stubborn and quick-witted.” He saved with a tight smile. Turning abruptly on his heel, he left hastily. Shaking the encounter from your head, you walked to the elevator, taking you to the living quarters.

--

You’d stayed up all night. Your eyelids felt like cheese graters as you blinked, eyes dry and tired. The blueprints were finished though and you had time to pack your bag before your trip home. But first, you wanted to give Mr Stark the plans.

Padding through the compound, backpack loosely slung over one shoulder, you clutched the tablet to your chest. You’d grabbed an apple on your way past the kitchen and lazily chewed at the fruit as you approached the work area two floors above. With a yawn, you left the elevator and rounded the corner to the engineering labs where he spent most of his time. The door was slightly ajar and you heard hushed voices coming from beyond. Not wanting to interrupt, you stood waiting outside. Your curiosity got the better of you, however, as you picked up pieces of the conversation.

“You need to tell her, Tony.” The Captain. Who was he talking about? Tell who what? “Y/n has a right to know that she’s your daughter, we can’t keep this hidden from her forever and the longer it goes on the more it's gonna hurt her.”

You dropped your half-eaten apple and watched it roll through the crack in the doorway. Your backpack soon followed, crashing against the tile floor. Daughter. That word repeated itself over and over in your head. You knew you were adopted, you remembered the day your parents took you from the group home when you were four and they never kept secrets from you. But Tony Stark? Your biological father? That seemed impossible.

The door swung open, breaking you from your stupor and revealing Tony, wide-eyed and struggling to form words. A few other members of the team stood in the room behind him, full of anticipation and you sucked in a breath. They all knew. You looked at him, dumbfounded as rage bubbled up inside you. Your jaw muscles clenched, your nostrils flared and you shook violently. He moved to place a hand on your shoulder but you batted him away and took a step back.

“Don’t touch me.” You spat. Moments passed without either of you making a move. “How long have you known?” You asked, voice trembling. Tears pooled in your eyes as you waited impatiently for an answer. “HOW LONG.” You screamed. Steve moved past Tony, stepping towards you slowly like you were a cornered animal. “Get the fuck away from me, Rogers.” The venom in your voice caused him to straighten up, mouth parting in shock.

“When you solved that problem a year and a half ago, I did some digging. Saw you were adopted and when I found the records weren’t sealed I-” He was cut off abruptly as you surged towards him. “You’ve known this entire god-damn time and you never told me?” You growled. “None of you told me.” Your voice broke, reality setting in as you scanned the other Avengers. They at least had the decency to look guilty. They were your friends, you thought you knew them. Yet they’d left you to live the lie.

You turned and grabbed your bag, throwing the tablet at Tony before sprinting down the hallway and into the elevator. You collapsed, body racking with sobs in the lift as it took you to the ground floor. Thats what he had meant last night. You thought. That he knew where I got it from.

The doors opened with a faint ding and you scrambled to your feet, the ground tearing away beneath you as you shot through the exit and into the open air. You dared not stop, the feeling of your feet thumping against the grass as you ran through the treeline became the only thing you could focus on.

You weren’t sure how long you had been running but the sun was fully above the horizon when you’d found a road. With lungs burning as you desperately sucked in breath after breath, you tried to formulate some kind of plan. You couldn’t take the thought of travelling back home with him and your head just screeched at you to run. Taking deep breaths, you began walking along the road, hoping to find a gas station or a bus that you could ride into town.

--

You’d reached home nearly six hours later, hitchhiking with an older couple from Brooklyn. Arriving at the door to your parent’s place, you fumbled for the keys in your backpack. Every fibre of your being ached and cried out for sleep. All you’d eaten was half an apple and you were on your feet for miles. Before your keys slid into the lock, the door was ripped open.

“Y/N, sweetie, where on Earth have you been? We’ve been worried sick about you.” Your mother, Jules, asked as she pulled you into a hug. David, your dad appeared from the kitchen and quickly made his way over to you, enveloping his girls in a bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re home, Stark rang us to say you’d ran off upset this morning and couldn’t find you. What were you thinking? Anything could’ve happened to you.” He rambled, voice muffled by your dark brown hair one of the similarities between yourself and Mr Stark.

The mention of his name made your knees give out beneath you. Another wave of betrayal washed through your chest and you howled in the dim light of the corridor. Both parents tried to make sense of what happened as you talked between sobs, the truth rendering them entirely speechless.

“Sweetheart, we love you so much, he may be your biological father but we are your family. They should never have kept that from you. I’m at a loss.” Your mom tried to reassure you as she slid down the wall to sit beside you. Slinging an arm around your shoulders, she pulled you into her side. Your father brought you your favourite homemade chicken noodle soup. All the crying made you forget just how hungry you were.

Once you’d finished, you stood, thanking them for everything and going to your bedroom for some much needed rest.

--

Tony had been a wreck the past couple of weeks. He slept even less than he usually did, he made more mistakes in his work and he was quiet. He hated not having you around messing with him, taking excessive coffee breaks or seeing you get excited after a breakthrough. The labs were hauntingly silent without your presence.

Cap stopped him as he tried to run after you, to explain why he didn’t want to tell you and beg for your forgiveness. “Give her time.” He’d said. It felt like months since the argument but also like it was yesterday. Time had escaped him much like you did. A glance at the clock told him it was 6pm. If he left now in a suit he would make it to your place in half an hour. Has it been long enough? He asked himself. Part of him didn’t really care, he just wanted to see you and to talk this out. Screw it.

When he landed outside your apartment building, he was in half the mind to turn and head straight back to the compound. He didn’t deserve a daughter as smart and brilliant as you were. Why had he even bothered coming here its not like you would forgive him. But, somehow, he found himself knocking on your parent’s door, armour disappearing into the bands around his wrists.

The sound woke you from a nap on the sofa, the TV playing quietly in the background. You rubbed your eyes and stretched before standing, trudging your way to the door. Your dad was at work late tonight but your mom peeked her head out from her place in the kitchen as you answered.

“Who is it, honey?” She asked, unable to see at the awkward angle. You simply stepped aside, allowing Tony Stark into your home. Looking to you, she cocked her head in an unspoken question. You’d answered with a nod and a tight smile, knowing this would have to happen at some point. With a reassuring smile, she wandered back into the kitchen, giving the two of you space to talk.

“I just wanted a chance to explain myself, you don’t have to forgive me or come back to work with me, I just- I needed to tell you why.” He began. At your silence, he continued. “I knew you had a happy family life here, I didn’t want to cause any kind of conflict within that by telling you. I also didn’t want you too wrapped up in working with me because what I do? The Avenger part? It’s dangerous and I didn’t want to put you in harm's way.” A long sigh. “I understand why you were angry and I don’t fault you for that. You did have a right to know and I should’ve told you earlier rather than drag it out so long. You could’ve made your own decisions then. Just know that I am sorry.”

You weren’t expecting such a clean and well structured apology. “Did Steve help you write that?” You replied, looking up from the ground, mouth turned up in a small smile. He scoffed and shook his head. “I should’ve known you’d come back with something like that.” His whole body seemed to relax. “Well, I guess I get my wit and sarcasm from you.” Tilting your head slightly, you let out a chuckle. “I’ve had time to process it and think about it all and I’ve talked my parents’ ears off about it. I do want to come back to work with you but I think it’s best to just take baby steps. I can work from home for a little while and we can discuss things over father-daughter coffee dates. Sound good?” You offered, desperate to patch this up and build a real connection with him.

“That sounds perfect.”

[dontworrysunflower]

Surprise | Shawn Mendes

@loveablejonah requested:

So hi! Just read your most recent imagine and loved it. I had a request if thats ok with you. So could you write me an imagine about Shawn on tour and you surprise him during the show? Make it all fluffy and cute. Thanks so much!

Thank you so much for the request and thank you for loving my imagines!

Also before I start, his outfit during his Grammy performance was by far my favorite (above).

Warnings: tears

Anyway, back to your scheduled programming! Enjoy!

Masterlist in my bio

•••

“I miss you” Shawn mumbled into the scrunched up pillow in his face as he looked through his phone screen, (y/n), his girlfriend of a year, occupying most of the screen, her wet hair around her face, cheeks red from the steamy shower she just took.

She lays on her stomach on her bed, the white duvet cool against her soft exposed skin. She leans her chin on her palm. “I miss you too” She murmured, her eyes looking at the one curl that falls in his eyes. Your eyes fly over your phone, the suitcase open, sitting on the chair next to the bed, shirts and pants thrown around in it.

“After this tour, I’m never doing it again. I can’t keep leaving you repeatedly” he sniffs, a single tear falling down his pale cheek as his sad eyes looked up at you.

You smile “Don’t say that, Shawn. Don’t cry. I knew what I was coming into when we started this relationship. It’s better than nothing. And you know I’d never let you stop touring for me” you murmured, running your fingers through your wet hair.

He sighs and sits up, his torso against the headboard of the bed in the hotel room he’s staying in. “I know, but I always hate leaving you” he said, closing his eyes momentarily.

You notice the dark circles under his honey colored eyes. You realize you need to pack for your flight in two hours and how he should sleep. “Shawn babe. I’d love to keep talking with you but I know your tired. Get some rest, I’ll take to you tomorrow” You try to convince him.

He hums a disagreeing sound and shakes his head “No, I’d rather talk to you than sleep”

You grin at him, your mind never coming across a moment you felt any different than how you are now. All giddy and butterflies in your stomach, just like the first date. “I’d love that too, but the Mendes Army need Shawn Mendes to be at his best tomorrow at the concert” you smirk

He rolls his eyes, but smiles. “Fine. Call me when you can please?” He asks as he starts to crawl under the covers.

You get up from your spot on the bed, walking over to the suitcase. “I promise. Goodnight sweet, I love you” you kiss at the screen and he makes a motion of grabbing it and holding to his heart. He repeats an ‘I love you’ before hanging up.

You sigh as you drop your phone onto the bed, making a soft thud sound. You grab the shirts and start to fold them and place them neatly in the bag. You walk into the bathroom, and pack your toothbrush and your makeup bag. You put a small travel size shampoo and conditioner in a plastic bag and seal it before throwing it in your suitcase.

When you finish packing, you roll your suitcase to the front door to leave it there. You pad your feet back into the bedroom to take a nap before leaving, setting an alarm on your phone as it charged on the table beside you.

•••

“Excuse me,” you heard someone say behind you. You look up from your phone and turn around in your seat. You see two teenage girls, maybe about fourteen or fifteen, a phone in their hands. “Are you (y/n)? (Y/n) (l/n)?” They ask

You furrow your eyebrows “Uh, yes. That’s me” You get from your seat and pull at your (Shawn’s) hoodie sleeves, pulling it over your hands. “Is there something I can help you with?” You say with a small, uncomfortable smile.

The girls gasp and start to jump. “Can, Can we get a picture?” They ask, extending their arms out, their phone on the camera setting already.

You cock your head to the side, a confused smile on your face. “With me?”

They nod “You’re Shawn’s girlfriend and we just think that he couldn’t find a better person than you. You’re perfect for him”

You scoff a little but smile, walking around the chair you were sitting at to get closer to the girls “Uh sure, if that’s what you want. Oh and, please don’t post these till tomorrow, I’m going to surprise Shawn and I don’t want to spoil it”

They ‘aw’ before they turn around to take a selfie with you.

•••

“(Y/n)! It’s so great to see you! Shawn won’t stop whining about how he misses you. You’ll finally be here to shut him up” Teddy yelled as she hugged you. One of your arms wraps around her, the other behind you, rolling your suitcase. “Okay, so right Shawn’s doing some interviews and stuff. You know how that is. So we’re just gonna take you to the venue and hide you until he’s due on stage. Sound cool?”

You nod before Teddy leads you to the black SUV they had come pick you up, Jake in the passenger seat. You smile and wave at him through the window as the driver puts your bags in the trunk and teddy crawls into the backseat, calling your name.

•••

13 missed called from Shawnie ❤️

35 messages from Shawnie ❤️

8 voicemails from Shawnie ❤️

It hurt you not to answer him. But you knew if you did he would figure it out in a heartbeat. You were never good at keeping secrets from him.

You phone buzzes in your hand, a new message coming up on your screen.

Baby is everything okay?! Pls call me

Im about to go on stage, pls answer or call Andrew and tell him you’re okay

Baby Im worried

You bite down on your lip, squeezing your eyes shut as you turn off your phone. You can faintly hear him talking with his crew, a worried tone in his voice.

“Alright, sixty seconds to stage” you hear Zubin yell, quite clear. You also hear Shawn’s laugh, but there’s some hesitation.

•••

“Not trying to ruin your happiness at all” He sang softly into the mic, his sweaty complexion shiny against the spotlights, his curls falling into his face. His eyes dark and glassy, his button down shirt snug against his biceps and showing off a little of his chest hair. His guitar hanging around his shoulders.

“Thank you Vienna!” He yelled into the mic, a huge smile on his face before waving out to the crowd, the people behind the bar screaming a little louder. He adjusted the strap on his shoulder and popped the mic back on its stand before waving out again and walking backstage.

He walked right past the room you were hiding in, a huge grin on his face as he gave his precious guitar to a stagehand and they gave him a towel to dry off the sweat as he ran over to Andrew who was pouring alcohol into glasses for a celebration, his band following closely behind him. You walk out of the room as Matt brought you with him behind Shawn.

“Cheers! To another great show!” Andrew screamed and everyone cheers before downing their drinks “And cheers to a new member on tour!”

Shawn furrows his brows in confusion, a half empty glass of whiskey in his large tattooed hand.

“Did ya miss me?” You whispered behind him, your nimble fingers crawling up his back.

He zips around, his eyes wide a glassy. All he does is engulf you in his arms and sobs. He picks you up by your waist and your legs wrap around his. You nuzzle your face into his neck as he does the same, tears falling down your face. He pulls away just to look at your face, placing a hand on your cheek. More tears fall down his rosy cheeks as he curls a strand of your hair behind your ear. His eyes travel in a rapid pace around your face, like as if he was making sure you were real and actually there. “I missed you so much (y/n)” he sobbed as he walked into the green room, falling onto a couch, you still straddling him.

Your breathing evens out and you pull your head away from his shoulder, a whimper coming out of him. You wipe his tears away and kiss his wet cheeks before softly placing your slightly chapped lips on his. “I missed you too bub” you mumbled against his lips before his hand came behind your head, pushing you into his lips again. His breathing is still irregular as you pull away and you pull your fingers through his hair and made small circles on the skin of his neck, a concerned look on your face. “Shawn are you okay? Do you need water or-”

“No, no I just,” He breathed out, still slightly shaky “I just can’t believe you’re here” his voice trembled before he smushed his face into your shirt.

You softly chuckle and pull him up, your noses brushing against each other. “Well you gotta believe it, ‘cause I’m here” you smiled “Are you sure you don’t need anything?” You questioned as you played with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

He smiles and nods “All I need is you”

“God, how cheesy can you be?” You joke

“Only for you baby” he smirked before pecking your lips again repeatedly.

A knock on the door startles the couple, so caught up in their own world they completely forgot there were other people on this earth other than the two of them. “Sorry to interrupt this beautiful moment,” Teddy murmured as she opened the door a crack, a guilty look on her face “but the bus is all packed and ready to go to our next stop. We’re just waiting on the love birds” she smiled.

Shawn groans and drop his face into your chest, his lips brushing the top of your breasts. You bite down on your lip to hold in a moan. “We’ll be there in a minute”

•••

“Baby! Don’t go” Shawn yelled playfully as he leaned his head to the side on his shoulder, a small pout on his lips, his eyes squeezed shut, his arms out in front of him making grabby hands at you as you walked to the bathroom.

“I’m just going to the bathroom” you stopped on your way, holding onto his outstretched hand before letting go and closing the bathroom door, his groans muffled.

When you return Shawn pulls you into his lap, his lips kissing the skin of your neck, his hands under your shirt, tracing patterns into your skin. “I love you” he mumbled before kissing your skin again.

You look down at him, your forehead on his, “I love you too” You said before pecking his lips and closing your eyes, your foreheads still in contact.

“Get a room!” You hear Brian’s muffled protest from behind the curtain of his bunk bed. You and Shawn laugh before you two forget about everything else once again.

Okay just real quick @loveablejonah hope this somewhat what you wanted.

Please enjoy and reblog. K gn or gm wherever your from. Shawn’s tour starts tomorrow!! Woooo

Okay now I gtg gn!

Reblog

[fiftyshadesgrl]

Part two of my brantley gilbert series! I hope everyone enjoys it.

I wake up to find myself tangled up around Brantley. Hes still asleep and its dark outside. I hear a humming sound then a bump. I realize the bus is moving. I jump up, "oh my god!"

Brantley sits up in a panic, "what is it baby?"

I pull the sheet up around me suddenly feeling vulnerable. "The bus is moving. I cant go anywhere! I have to go home."

He wraps me in his arms to comfort me. "Its okay baby girl. Why dont you just stay for the next couple of shows then if you still wanna go home, Ill make sure you get there."

"I have to work. I cant just give everything up to be a groupie."

"Hey." He said making me look at him. "You will never be a groupie. You are way better than that and you know it. Just give us some time, give me some time to show you that this time will be different."

I sigh, "what about my work?"

"Call them and tell them you need some time off."

I snicker, "the real world doesnt work like that. We cant all be Brantley Gilbert."

He lays back down and smiles, "Hell Ill call em myself." I laughed at that and can actually see him doing that. I shake my head and turn my phone on and find its only 2 in the morning. I quickly text my boss and tell him that Im taking my vacation early and Id be back in two weeks. I turn my phone back off and lay back down cuddling up to brantley.

He wraps his arms around me and kisses me. I moan and crawl on top of him. "Damn baby girl, youre gonna wear me out." He says smiling. I smiled back down at him, I cant believe I have him all to myself but the memory of three years ago comes flooding back to me.

3 years ago.....

I was out with mama becky trying to find the right dress that made me feel beautiful. I wanted to blow brantleys mind in a couple months when we say I do. Mama becky turns to me as we pull into the driveway, "hows he been lately?" I sigh and shake my head. "He has his good days and bad days."

His mama had tears in her eyes, "these days its more bad than good." I nodded but pasted a smile on my face.

"Dont worry mama, things will get better. Hopefully he will sober up by the wedding." I said hopeful but doubt still clung heavily in my mind and heart.

I hugged her and jumped out of the truck. "Ill come back this way in a couple of days to talk about the flowers and everything." Mama becky said and I nodded and waved as she pulled out of mine and brantleys driveway.

The house was unusually quiet, brantley usually had music blaring or playing his guitar chugging beer out on the front porch. I unlocked the door and walked in. "Brantley, Im back." Not one word, I walked towards the bedroom where the door was cracked open. I peeked through the crack and saw brantley laying on his stomach in bed sleeping.

I smiled at the sight of him, no matter what we go through he always and will forever hold my heart. I decided I would jump on him and wake him up that way. As I pushed the door open I gasped at what I saw. Amber, his ex laying on my side of the bed with my fiancee'.

Clothes, both his and hers, thrown everywhere meaning they were naked under the thin sheet that lay on top of them. I stood there just staring, I couldnt believe he would do this to me. He promised he would never hurt me.

I got my wits about me and finally spoke. "What the hell brantley!" He flipped over but amber still lay there sleeping. I wanted nothing more than to drag her by the hair of her head out of my house and beat her ass.

He jumped up out of bed and pulled his boxers up. I wanted to throw something at him, slap him, do something but I stood froze to the spot. He stumbled over to me and grabbed my arm and walked outside of our bedroom shutting the door.

I stopped just a few steps from the bedroom door and pulled away from him. "What the hell? Im gone for one day and youve got that whore in our bed!"

He held up his finger to his lips, "shhh."

That pissed me off that much more. "You want me to be quiet!? So I dont disturb that homewreckers sleep! I dont give a fuck if she sleeps good or not. You and her both are very lucky I dont beat both of your asses!" I got right up in his face and dared him to tell me to be quiet again.

"Look," he said holding his hands up, "I got bored last night and you wasnt here again, so I went out to the bar. She was there and I was lonely. Youre never around anymore I need some love every now and then."

I slapped him across his face hard. His head snapped back but I didnt care. "Youre a asshole, I have been planning OUR wedding that you didnt want to help with. You wouldnt be alone if you would stop popping pills and drinking and come with me and help."

He looked back at me but there was no emotion on his face. Thats what worried me most. He wasnt feeling anything. "You know I would disappoint you at our wedding if I helped. Id get something wrong."

"Well you can forget about the wedding. It seems like you got all you need right in there." I pointed towards the bedroom door. I walked towards it and slung it open. Amber was standing beside the bed just pulling brantleys shirt over her body.

I pointed at her, "you say a god damn word and Ill fuckin stomp a mudhole in your ass. I advise you to get the fuck out before I change my mind and do it anyway." She grabbed her pants and pulled them on and headed out of the room.

I grabbed a duffle bag and started shoving my clothes in it. "What are you doing?" I heard brantley say behind me. I gave a humorless chuckle and kept stuffing clothes in it.

"What does it fuckin look like?" I threw over at my shoulder.

"Looks like your making the biggest mistake of your life." He said emotionless.

Before I knew what I was doing I picked up one of his heavy boots and threw it. The boot connected with the aide of his face. "Mistake!? You think Im making a mistake. No honey you made the biggest mistake of YOUR life the moment you picked that whore up and brought her to our house!"

I kept packing my clothes and when the duffle bag was full I zipped it up and threw it over my shoulder. "Ill send kolby or mama becky to get the rest of my stuff. Dont call me when you get sober." I walked out towards the front door but stopped before I walked outside.

My heart was breaking into a million pieces. The love of my life cheated on me and doesnt seem to care. I heard his footsteps behind me.

"You walk out that door, dont you ever come back." He said, I dropped my bag and turned towards him. He smiled thinking I had decided to stay.

The tears started flowing freely then. Seeing how cold he was towards me, no emotion no love in his eyes. "What happened to us? We used to be so happy. When did things go bad?" I asked almost in a whisper.

He shrugged, "I dont know. I guess I fell out of love with you a long time ago. I dont want you anymore, Im moving on to better things. Keep the ring, pawn it, sell it whatever you wanna do."

I nodded and took the ring off my finger that I thought would never come off. I placed it in the palm of his hand and closed his hand around it. "Take care of yourself brantley." I walked back over to the door and picked my bag up and walked out to my old mustang sitting in the driveway.

I threw my bag in the back seat and slammed my car door. I started my car and drove down the driveway. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw brantley standing on the porch staring at my ring in his hand.

I drove all night that night until I made it to florida. I stopped at the first hotel and checked in. I called mama becky as soon as I was settled and told her what had happened. After that phone call I texted brantleys brother kolby and asked him to pick my stuff up from brantleys. He said he would and asked if I was okay. I replied with a simple 'I will be.' I turned my phone off and curled up on the bed crying myself to sleep.

1 year later....

I was working at a local diner as a waitress working nights mostly but whenever someone called in I would be the first to take their shift. I was run down but I needed the money.

It was a little after 1 in the morning and there was no one in the diner. I took that moment to walk outside for a smoke break. My eyes felt heavy and I probaly got a total of 4 hours of aleep over the past 36 hours. Rent had to be paid so I sucked it up and done what had to be done. I walked back into the diner and I heard on the speakers a voice from the local radio dj.

'Here is the new single from the newest and hottest thing in country music today. Heres shes my kinda crazy by brantley gilbert.' 

My heart stopped as I heard his beautiful voice coming through the speakers. I closed my eyes and the lyrics just broke my heart. I have missed him so much and I still think about the day that everything changed. The bell above the door rang as someone came in the diner.

Sal the night manager walked out feom behind the counter. "Sit anywhere you like sir, our waitress will be with you shortly." I was still stuck in a daze but I cleared my head and pulled out my paper and pen ready to take the order.

I turned and walked over to the booth where the man was sitting. I couldnt believe my eyes. Brantley sitting there drumming his fingers on the table. Watching me. I stumbled a bit but remembered what happened a year ago. I stood straighter and walked over, not looking at him.

"What can I get you?" I said very coldly.

"How bout a smile darlin." He said smoothly.

I rolled my eyes. "We only serve food and drinks here. You want a smile theres a bar right across the way there. Im sure you will find lots of them there."

I still had my eyes glued to my pad of paper, my pen hovering waiting for him to say what he really wanted. After a few minutes I turned my back "let me know when you decide."

That statement was about more than just his food choices. I was wanting ro see if he really had changed. I took the rag from behind the counter and started wiping tables down that were already squeaky clean. I just wanted to keep busy. I wanted to keep my mind off of brantley.

I saw movement from the corner of my eye. I looked up and brantley was motioning for me. I walked over pulling my pen and paper pad out again. "Finally decide on something?"

I still wouldnt look at him, he sighed "yeah burger, fries, and a mountain dew."

I scribbled it down and ripped the paper off. "Alright be right back with your drink." I said turning before he could say anything else. I gave the order to the cook and got his drink ready. I waited until his food was done before I took it to him.

"Heres your food and your drink. Enjoy." I said trying to turn away but he grabbed my wrist.

"Why dont you have a seat? Looks like im your only customer so you cant be busy."

I growled and plopped down on the other side of the booth looking at anywhere but at him. I kept quiet, the only sound was the music comig from the speakers and the hum from the fridge behind the counter.

"Would you just look at me (Y/N)? Please?" He said sounding exhausted. I sighed and looked him dead in the eyes. Shutting off all emotions. I waited for him to speak, he sighed and closed his eyes. He shook his head, "you look tired."

I chuckled humorlessly, "wow thanks. Thats a nice way of saying I look like shit."

He shook his head, "no I meant it just like it came out. You look tired. But youre still beautiful."

I snickered and rolled my eyes. "Rents gotta be paid brantley. I have to work to make rent." He nodded and he opened his mouth but before he could speak I cut him off. "Why the hell are you here brantley?"

He grabbed for my hand but I pulled back. "I came to see you darlin."

I rolled my eyes, "well you saw me. Now can I get back to work?"

I went to get up but this time he did grab my hand. "Please just talk to me. Its been a year. Im sober now. Thinking clearly for the first time."

I smiled at that, "thats great brantley." I pulled my hand from his and stood up. "Im really happy that you have turned your life around. I heard your song on the radio right before you came in. Its great, just hate that its about that damn whore." I said the last part through gritted teeth. He shook his head and opened his mouth as if to say something but the bell rang above the door before he could.

I turned to see a young couple that looked weary from a road trip come in. "Hey yall sit anywhere you want. Ill be right there." I turned back towards brantley who still hadnt touched a bite of his food. I shrugged, "duty calls. Heres your check, if you want anything else let me know and Ill adjust it. If not sal can ring you up when youre done. Bye brantley, take care of yourself."

The younger couple ordered breakfast platters and coffee so I was pretty busy with refilling their cups and everything. Right as my shift ended an hour later I walked outside and lit me a much needed cigarette. I started walking over to my mustang but slowed up when I noticed brantleys truck parked right beside it. Brantley was leaning against the side of it casually smoking a cigarette himself.

I walked over just as he threw his cigarette to the ground. "There you are." He said smiling.

I fished my keys out of my purse and went to unlock my door. Brantley stopped me before I could climb in. "Hey, I was hoping we could talk for a minute." He said, his voice filled with hope.

I sighed and slumped against my car. "Im very tired brantley. I wanna go home and go to bed. Make it quick." I sighed glancing at my watch.

"Okay, look I know things ended bad between us and everything." I raised one of my eyebrows at him and crossed my arms. "Whats your point brantley?"

He sighed, "I dont know what Im trying to say. Look, mama told me where you were and I wanted to bring some stuff to you. I thought you might want it." He handed me a box the size of a shoe box. I took it and nodded.

"I uh, got a show the next town over. If you want Ill leave you a ticket at will call." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

I turned and climbed in my car and placed the box beside me in the seat. "Thanks but no thanks. Im swamped at work and I cant afford to take off."

He nodded and leaned down, "I know I just thought...."

I cut him off before he could speak. "Nothings changed brantley. Now if youll excuse me Im going home to get some sleep before my next shift in a few hours."

I cranked my car and didnt give him a chance to reply. I knew if he did then I would probably break. It was hard enough seeing him tonight and trying to act like I didnt care. All I wanted to do was throw myself in his arms and let him kiss away this last miserable lonely year.

Also in the back of my mind was what he did. He cheated when he promised he never would. He promised he would always love me but he told me that day he fell out of love with me. I could never forget that.

I drove back to my small apartment and headed straight for the bed. Sleep came easy but those blue eyes haunted my dreams.

[apriorisea]

BTS Imagine: Insecure - Hoseok

You exhale in relief as you kick off your heels inside the door of the apartment: work had been kicking your butt lately and you were excited for the weekend. A whole 2 days of absolutely nothing except hanging out with your boyfriend and NOT thinking about work. You rub the back of your neck. “Hobi?”    “In here,” he calls from the bedroom.    You smile automatically as you pull off your least-favorite work blazer; you hadn’t realized until just this moment how much you’ve missed him. Your schedules seemed so out of sync lately, to the point where you’d had to turn down his dinner invitation a few times; you’d even missed accompanying him to a music-show taping. In the 7 months the two of you had been together, you hadn’t ever missed even one.    He’s sitting cross-legged on the bed, his computer in front of him, in comfy joggers and his favorite hole-y hoodie. He smiles up at you. “Hi angel,” he says brightly. “How are you?”    “So tired,” you groaned, flopping onto the bed. He immediately adjusts so you can rest your head against his thigh, one of his hands going to stroke your hair automatically. “Why do I keep going back to that place??”    He makes a soft, pitying clucking sound. “Because you love it. Usually.”    You sigh at his reminder and curl into a ball, closing your eyes tight as if that can make his rational statement evaporate. “I guess. But now I have the whole weekend off—-2 whole days without having to worry about deadlines or anything else!”     “That’s good. What do you want to do with all your time off?”     “Sleep and eat and watch dumb TV shows and sleep some more!” You open your eyes when he only makes a quiet ‘hmm’ in response. You roll over to look up at him. “What about you? How was your day?”     He shrugs and looks away from you for the first time. “It was fine. Nothing special.”     You trace the pattern of the logo on his joggers. “Well how about your week? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever. How was the taping?”    “Good! You know how much we like going on that show—always an experience.”    “Oh yeah?” you ask, hungry for information. “What happened this time?”    He lifts one shoulder in another half-shrug. “Oh, you know, we made our way through it. I only had to yell at Jin-hyung once.”    You hesitate. It was an answer, but not a real one: you both knew that Hoseok didn’t have to yell at Jin very much anymore. It was clearly a joke, an old one that you hadn’t heard for a long time. “Oh…” you say more slowly. “Nothing else? That host was so rude to you guys last time!”    “Yeah, that was crazy,” he says. “But, you know, it was good. Nothing we can’t handle!”    This makes you frown. “So you’re saying he suddenly got a million times more respectful? Because—”    “It really was fine, angel,” he interrupts you. “What do you want for dinner? Are you hungry? I think some of the guys might be doing pizza night at Jimin’s, if you want?”     You sat up abruptly, knocking his hand away from your hair as you did. “Pizza night with the guys?” you repeat. Something is wrong. The two of you hadn’t been able to hang out alone for the last week, and he’s offering up pizza night with the guys? You look at him carefully.    “Sweetie? Everything okay?”    He doesn’t lose his pleasant expression and that’s when it hits you in the gut: this was the old Hoseok, the one from your first and second and third dates, the one who wasn’t sure how much to trust you, the one who held back from revealing too much, who kept it light and shied away from anything too real. This wasn’t your Hoseok, this was J-Hope, noted sunshine and happy virus from the most popular boy band in the world. The realization stings. “Hoseok…” you say slowly. “I’m really sorry I missed the taping. I wanted to be there, you know I did, I just…my stupid partner at work made another dumb mistake and so I had to fix his mess. I really am sorry.”    He smiles (again) and shrugs (again). “It’s really okay.” He reaches out to close his laptop. “So, what do you think about dinner? We could also go to the ramen place on the corner.”    The busiest and loudest restaurant in the neighborhood. You swallow down your hurt, trying to figure out what could have happened to make him react like this. “Do you not want to be alone with me?” The blunt question rushes out of your mouth in one breath, the words slurring together.    “What??” he blinks in astonishment, but unfortunately for him, you’ve grown too accustomed to his for-the-camera reactions. “Why would you say that? I’m just feeling like some tasty ramen, that’s all.”    You stare him down, waiting for him to break. When he doesn’t, you say, “You guys are filming the new dance practice video on Sunday, aren’t you? How is it going?”    “Oh.” He can’t maintain eye contact. “It’s fine. Great, I mean, you should see the outfit Tae is planning to wear!”    “So you’re not worried about how sloppy the bridge looks anymore?”     “Nah.” He brushes it off with a grin. “We’ll make it work—we always do!”    Another idol-ism. You grind your back teeth in frustration, then go in for the kill. “I was talking to Yoongi yesterday: he said you strained your shoulder during the taping. Is it okay?”     “Of c—”     “Knock it off.” You couldn’t take it anymore. “What is the matter??”     He shifts uncomfortably; you notice that he doesn’t move the strained shoulder very much. “Nothing, angel, I—”     “You’re lying to me,” you accuse. “You haven’t answered any of my questions. This isn’t a real conversation, this is–this is—” You can’t find the right words, so you go for the easiest ones. “This is you being an Idol instead of a boyfriend.”    He looks hurt, but can’t actually deny it. “I—” The edges of his mask start to crack, and in-between the lines you see the real him.    You feel some of your frustration disappear when you see the hurt in his face. You duck your head to catch his eyes, and reach out for him; when your hand lands gently on his shoulder, he winces, and you lean forward automatically. “Hobi,” you say softly. “What is going on?” You move your hand to touch the side of his face and feel him break.    His face crumples. “You don’t love me anymore,” he breathes.    “Excuse me?” You feel your jaw drop slightly. “How exactly did you come up with that?”    He shrugs—you notice that it’s the uninjured shoulder that moves—and the first little tear escapes. “I don’t–I don’t know. You’ve just been gone so much, and I-I know how nice you are, angel, you’d never want to hurt anybody, so I figured…I figured you were just letting me down easy, slowly distancing yourself because you don’t love me anymore, and I just, I didn’t know what to do.”    You take this in slowly: this week must have been even harder for him that you had realized. Between the shoulder injury, the uncomfortable taping, the time spent apart, and the pressures of the job, he had obviously been running himself down and was now at the end of his energy. You felt bad that you hadn’t seen it sooner. Taking a small breath, you lean in and press your lips gently, but firmly, against his cheek. “Okay,” you say as you straighten. “Lay down, sweetheart.”   He looks over at you in surprise.    “Go on,” you encourage, scooting off the bed and putting his computer away for him. “Make sure your shoulder is comfortable.” You give him a look until he follows your instructions, then hurry down the hall to get a heating pad. You wait impatiently while the microwave does its job, every part of you itching to go back to him. When it’s finally done, you go back to the room to find him sitting back against a mountain of pillows, his shoulder supported carefully. You climb onto the bed next to him and set the heating pad gently against his shoulder, wincing with him empathetically. “So,” you say softly, brushing his hair out of his face. “You’ve had a rough week, huh?”    He doesn’t answer, still trying to pull himself together.    You sigh and lean in to kiss him. His eyes close slowly. You smile as you feel his arm wrap around you to hold you in place. After a long moment, you pull away and brush through his hair again. “You really think I don’t love you?” Before he can answer, you add, “I’m really sorry I haven’t been around lately. It killed me not to be at the taping, and I���m so sorry you hurt your shoulder.” You readjust the heating pad.    “I love you, angel,” he says quietly, his hand still resting on your lower back. “I don’t know why I got so crazy, I just….”    “I think you’ve had a long week,” you reassure him. “And…this is the first week we’ve spent completely apart, so maybe this was good.” He scoffs under his breath and you smile. “Okay, not good, but we survived it, right?”    He tugs you down next to him, curling his arm around you. “Barely,” he admits, turning to kiss the side of your head. You feel him wince again as the movement hurts his shoulder.    “For the record,” you say after a second, “One of the best moments of my life so far was when you started opening up to me, when I became your best friend, when I fell in love with you. So when you shut down like that….”    “I’m sorry,” he says immediately. “You are my very best friend,” he adds earnestly. “And I love you more than anything. I’ll be better from here on out.”    You shake your head. “You don’t have to be “better”–just be you.”    He rests his head against yours, content and relaxed again. “Promise.”

[wilsonsnest]

winter, Sweetheart - V

oh wow, this fic is almost done and i’m feeling some kind of way about it. thinking of writing a sequel thats the exact opposite and calling it ‘only good things happen from now on’. 

this chapter is actually from sam’s pov which i’ve been looking forward to. head warnings and continue to enjoy.

warnings: body horror, hurt/comfort, trauma

There is a dull thrum in the back of Sam’s head as he slowly wakes up that sends a sick shudder down his spine. It reminds him of the headaches he would get when Hydra was still tearing apart his back and spine to graft metal parts into his bones and muscles. Neural pathways created where they should have never existed that thrummed with the ache of wrong and unnatural. They had only kept him half-sedated, enough so that he was unable to move, but awake so that he could follow commands.

Lift them. Now forwards, now back.

Again.

Again.

Almost, not yet.

There is still more to do. Stay still.

The sound of tools whirring to life became his signal to put his head down, squeeze his eyes shut and hold onto the metal table so tight that it left indents. He barely remembered the serum procedure, they did it gradually. He needed to be strong enough to survive having metal implanted into his body and weak enough to resist.

It’s a miracle he even remembers that much. He supposes the pain was so great, it just imbedded himself in his memory so deep that no amount of electricity to the brain could change it.

Other details still elude him. Who he was before Hydra got to him (His name is Sam. He can’t forget that, he’s Sam. Who is Sam?) . How he knew Winter (Always there. He helps, but he’s quiet, haunted. Who is Winter?). What exactly their purpose was (The mission. Each mission had a target that had to die. To what end?) . He vaguely understands that they are assassins, or at least Winter is an assassin. He is Winter’s back-up. The endgame? He hasn’t the slightest idea. Winter doesn’t talk much, and Hydra agents rarely had anything much to say to him.

He trusts Winter though, and thats enough for him.

Sam’s heart thumps loudly against his chest as memories begin to come back back to him. Winter fighting with Captain America. And he - he had been stopped by the other man with wings - shot down, falling, right. He fell - sudden, fast, like when Hydra would lock his wings and-

Sam groans, the headache seems to spread as everything rushes back. It’s odd, to wake up and still remember and he isn’t quite sure he likes it. He squints his eyes open, vision blurry at first then easily adjusted to the dark. He feels an arm tighten around his midsection, holding him close and he sighs. Theres only one person who would hold him like this. He looks up to see Winter, looking down at him. He looks wrecked, haunted even in a way that Sam’s never seen before. His hair is disheveled, dark bruise-like bags underneath his distant eyes.

Sam makes a soft sound, it grates against his throat but he wants to comfort him. He tries to move, but sparks of pain shoot up his spine and he winces. Right - he was shot in the wing, and however Hydra had brutalized his body, it wasn’t agreeing with the damage.

He settles again, taking a deep breath and grasping for something that he can hold onto. He curls his fingers into the rough cloth of Winter’s pants, noting that someone had taken off his combat gloves.

He feels them bumping along, and it reminds him a hazy memory of a time they once took a five hour train ride to a mission. They had sat in the dark, just like this, he and Winter on onside of the train car while these Hydra agents watched them from the other side, fingers twitching on their weapons and fear in their young faces. No one had moved or said a word the entire time.

The gaps in Sam’s memory are odd. He doesn’t really remember missions, those things are scrubbed thoroughly enough. But he sometimes remembers moments, pockets of meaningless time that don’t make much sense. But he does remember Winter, though less as a fully formed person and as the only thing he can trust. Part of the facade is making Hydra believe their wiping is working completely. He fears what they’ll do if it doesn’t.

It hurts Winter, he knows. Every time the Soldier has to re-introduce himself to the Falcon. He hears the desperate edge in his voice each time he comes out of cryo and they go the gray field and Sam learns his body again.

Winter is far too attached, and Sam hears the techs grumble about it when they hook him up to put him back to sleep. He knows that Pierce seems to find their relationship amusing, but no doubt there are some in Hydra who thinks they’d be better off used in separate capacities.

So he pretends that each time, it’s new, and prays that Winter doesn’t crack under the pressure.

He tries to protect Winter like Winter protects him.

“W-where…” Sam tries to speak, his throat is sore and his head still throbs. “Where are we?”

He suspects they are on their way to a Hydra base and he clings to Winter tighter. They’ve filed their mission for a second time. There will be consequences much worse than Winter being wiped.

Above him, he feels Winter let out a shuddering sigh. “France.” He answers simply. “In a truck.”

Ah, not a train then, but the roads are rough. Sam closes his eyes and tries to relax into the rhythm of Winter’s breathing. He figures if Winter is holding him like this, there are no prying eyes to hide their affection from.

“We failed.” Sam says quietly into the dark, managing to keep the tremor out of his voice. Dread creeps up in his belly, making him feel nauseous.

“It doesn’t matter.” Winter sounds tired, so tired. Sam feels cool metal fingers caress his cheek and only just realizes how hot his body feels. His face feels tender, there is probably bruising from his fall. “Hydra’s gone.”

Sam stills, his breath catches in his throat. All he can hear is his hear thumping loudly against his chest. He’s heard what Winter said, but it doesn’t make any sense in his head. It was only one mission, how could they possibly-

“It’s all over the news, the internet.” Winter continues. “People have been arrested. Pierce is dead.”

Winter says this with a grim finality, though he sounds neither happy nor upset. He just sounds exhausted. Sam feels a spark of relief in his own chest, the man had always made him uncomfortable. The way he treated both of them. Winter like a child and the Falcon like Winter’s little pet. Hearing of his death is a rather nice thing to help take his mind off the pain.

“What now?” Sam asks, curious but cautious. If he didn’t know their purpose before, he knows it even less now. “Where will we go?”

“Germany, maybe. Norway, Romania.” Winter hasn’t the slightest clue either, though he’s trying to be strong for Sam’s sake. “We’ll find some place. And I’ll fix your wing.”

It’s a sweet sentiment, Sam thinks, but Winter doesn’t know the first thing about the make-up of the wings on Sam’s back. Part of the Falcon’s duty was making sure the Soldier’s arm was functioning at its best capacity. He thinks he could probably identify and fix problems with it in his sleep. Winter kept Sam out of the line of fire well enough, and he doubts Hydra would waste any of the Soldier’s training on fixing an expendable weapon like the Falcon.

With that, Sam reaches out, fumbling to grab at Winter’s metal arm. Even in the limited light, he’ll be able to feel any damage he might have taken. Places where there are issues have small separations, gaps and sometimes a spark that he can feel with the pads of his fingers. So far it feels normal, though theres a stiffness is Winter’s wrist he doesn’t like. He’ll have to take a closer look when theres more light.

“Are you okay?” Sam feels bold now knowing that Hydra is no longer the ghoul haunting there every interaction. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”

It was an odd thing, when he was fighting. Like there was something familiar about the man in the wing-pack, it had made him hesitate for a just moment. Enough to throw him off his target. He supposes it was just the surprise of seeing someone else flying around with wings, clunkier and less nimble than his own. He remembers the man shouting at him, pleading with him? Though he can’t remember what he said.

“I’m fine, I,” Winter hesitates. “He broke my arm. But it’s healed.”

Sam nods, that makes sense. They both have enhanced healing abilities and he knows that reasonably he should have shattered every bone in his body with that fall. But in the moment, he just has a headache. And his back hurts. And he’s quite tired.

“How long was I out?” His words are slightly slurred, and he closes his eyes. He realizes he doesn’t remember how they got into a truck in the French countryside at all.

“You have been in and out the last few days.” Winter says, and there might be an undercurrent of worry. It’s hard to say. He squeezes Sam suddenly, tightly and then releases him to a gentler hold. “Other than your wing, are you okay?”

“My head,” Sam says quietly, honestly. “It hurts a lot.”

Winters lets out a sharp breath and then rummages around in his vest. Sam hums lightly, feeling himself start to drift before he feels fingers press insistently against his lips. He takes the pills gratefully and swallows, too tired to wince as they go down his dry throat. He feels thirstier then usual and coughs once they go down.

“We’ll get out soon.” Winter soothes, surprisingly gentle. “We’ll tale a break.”

Sam sighs, grateful and nods against Winter, his teeth grit together as the headache ebbs and wanes with every bump of the truck.

[smoothshift]

3500 miles in a GT350: CA to MT & PNW. Pictures, words and field testing AMMO Frothe via /r/cars

3500 miles in a GT350: CA to MT & PNW. Pictures, words and field testing AMMO Frothe

(Originally posted to my profile which confused me to no end because interwebbing is hard. So hopefully this is not a double post on the sub)

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GT350 Summary

2017 in Shadow Black, Recaros, Sync 3

Driver assists added: Blackview DR650s front/rear dashcam, Escort Max360 radar/laser detector

Changes made: Black lugs, black valve stem caps, Steeda clutch spring (suspension brace pending install), ceramic tint, white stripes removed

3 stage detail and PPF applied - full nose, A pillars, mirrors, roof, door edges, quarter panels, trunk entry. cQuartz on all surfaces, 4 coats of cQuartz Reload applied as a topcoat

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Pics and short comments

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Trip Facts

Departure: Friday, Oct 5 at 2:22PM PT

Return: Friday, Oct 12 at 11:15PM PT

Distance: 3500.7 miles

Oil consumption: ~ 1/2 quart

Avg MPG: 20.4

Cost of 91/92 octane: $640.22

Cheapest gas: Chevron at 3.34/gal, unknown city, Idaho

Most expensive: Chevron at 4.42/gal, Boomtown, Nevada

Avg $ spent per fill up: $23.71

# of fill ups: 27

Avg distance between fill ups: 129.6 miles (range is 300 miles)

Hotel stays: 4

Cosmetic wear and tear: Minor rock strikes intercepted by the PPF, mystery scuffs on the driver side fender

Malfunctions: A/C fall down go boom. Known issue with 15-17 S550 platform.

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Gear

1 trunk organizer holding jumper cables, battery charger, tire inflator, coolant, extinguisher, first aid kit, basic tool kit, reflective parka, 2 gal water, 12 individual water bottles, 1 AMMO sprayer, 12v carvac from Amazon, 1 ammo can holding 2 quarts of 10w50 & funnel

2 stuff sacks holding 1 sleeping bag, 2 med blankets, 2 sm blankets, 2 travel pillows

1 tent and 1 inflating pad

1 bag holding coffee, french press, utensils, plastic bowl w/lid, JetBoil

1 tote bag holding misc food including the all important double choc brownies

1 camera bag holding a Nikon D800 and Nikon 24-70 f2.8. Additional images taken with iPhone

1 20L cooler holding milk, fruit, water, coke

1 bag holding detailing lotions, potions and goops

1 bag holding the world's supply of microfiber towels

1 6 gal bucket holding 2 collapsible buckets, 2 grit guards, 2 wash pads

1 small box holding dish soap, scrubbing thingamajobs, shop towels, toiletries, water heater

1 backpack holding clothing and sandals

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Destinations

Craters of The Moon National Monument (Idaho)

Yellowstone (Idaho and Montana)

Seattle

Prius Coast Highway (WA to CA)

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The words, and plenty of them

I had planned this trip since spring but hadn't gone due to work constraints. A window opened up in September, but it quickly closed due to life getting in the way. And then it happened: Early October, nothing holding me back. I was ready to go, to clear my head, to get away from work and you. Yes, you - the guy who swerves in and out of traffic at speed. And you, the lady who cannot stay off her phone. And don't think I've forgotten about you, bro - I see you hiding back there - the guy who literally ignores BSM. What better cure for driving frustration than to go.. driving. Or something.

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Tramlining and then it got cold

I left San Francisco on Friday afternoon, taking 80 east to Reno. This was well planned, nothing left to chance except for the most common sense thing: weather reports. There's an app for that, of which I have 3 and of which I used 0. This was not the smartest move as would be apparent this night and later in Montana, but for now all was well. Weather was warm, pavement dry and I'm moving at a good pace through Sacramento and into the Sierra Nevada range. The mountain section of 80, specifically the right lane is in terrible shape. I'm tramlining all over the place for too long, in too many sections, a constant jerky right, left, left, left, right, right fight on the wheel. Despite this I'm determined to stay right except to pass.

Its getting pretty cool out, and about 8PM I pull into the Truckee rest stop to discover its cold, 38 degrees. I know thats not cold to you Midwest and East Coast people. Kinda balmy. But to a coastal CA guy that's just about below freezing. I make a mental note about the Michelins not being rated for this temp, brush my teeth in the parking lot (classy is how I roll) and go to bed or rather recline the seat. I wake at 3AM and its time to move.

Leaving Truckee I discover tramlining is not done and it's another fight. And then the squeaking started from somewhere in the dash. Its a heavy grating noise and not a rattle; loud and obnoxious like my nephew. I'm pressing on the dash, the gauges, the vents - the usual places but nothing changes. Ten minutes later it's gone and does not return. Took the Boomtown exit and hit up Chevron. Go inside for coffee and pay for gas, pretty mundane but then I ran into a change scam. Some Eastern Euro guy was behind the counter. I give him 40 and he tells me he'll put 35 on the pump, and to come back for change. Not what I asked for but whatever. Returned for the change and - lets call him Uri - claims there's no change to be had. Its 3:30AM and I'm in no mood to get into this. Enjoy the $3 bro.

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Coffee, water and no rest areas. Also, LTE coverage is terrible

Back on the road and passing Reno AKA the drab copy of Vegas. Detector warns of 2 KA alerts but the signal is weak and I exit Reno without issue. Kept going east to Winnemucca, turning north on 95. The problem with 95 - other than being a long stretch through flat arid country - is the lack of rest areas combined with tidal pool-sized coffee cups and water. You know what this means and yes, I marked my territory in several places.

This stretch of nothing leads to the first of far too many LTE signal cuts and corresponding loss of Waze GPS updates. Through most of NV, and really, really long stretches of ID and MT there is no signal. Which I completely understand since ATT is a discount carrier a small mom and pop telco its really hard to relay signals over flat terrain its 1996 and cell phones are still a novelty. Signal loss in WA and OR along 101 - that I understand, and it happened frequently given the terrain. But issues in flatlands especially Idaho's more populated state routes - that I don't get.

And here's where I took the first acceptable picture of the car. Its a farming community, maybe a half mile of 25 MPH with a gas station, coffee house, cafe and sheriff's station. And one thing I found interesting, the Sahara Motel. 50s or early 60s design; sharp angles, cracked windows and peeling paint on the doors. The last paying guest was a long time ago and it makes a good backdrop.

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The Rag Company mission aborted; Shelby meets buttocks at Craters of The Moon

I'm off to Boise to find a hotel and stop by the Rag Company. Missed their store hours and tomorrow's Sunday, with Monday a holiday so.. no Rag Company visit. I chalk it up my usual level of masterful planning and stay the night at the Holiday Inn in Meridian. if you find yourself there someday stop by Beto's 24 hour Mexican place. The chicken chimichanga (fried burrito) is outstanding.

With sunrise it was time for my first destination open whenever - Craters of The Moon National Monument. Never been, never heard of it, just a random find when looking up Idaho tourist destinations. Taking 84 SE was unremarkable, but connecting to 20 was another story. Going up to 4k elevation, golden grass on the hills and plains, fall colors on the trees. Beautiful, with some fun stretches of road interrupted by people who dr.ive. ve.r.y. s.lo.w.ly.

Passed through Carey which is another livestock community with the requisite aroma d'odure. Up to this point I've mostly seen F150s, RAM 1500s and the occasional minivan. But here comes this kid in his JDM Civic, Idaho plates, red with all the toppings - wing, different colored bits here and there. Didn't check the rear but you know there were fart cans attached. Flat bill cap tied it all together. What I remember most is the look on his face as he passed, staring at my car like that guy on what show was it? The guy with the wild hair who says "I'm not saying its aliens..". Yeah. He had that look on his face. Stay strong, brosef, you're the outlier in the land of the lifted.

Keep going and the route takes you over Silver Creek which is famous for fishing, something I didn't know. Also didn't know that with fish come bugs and a lot of them. I know how to describe these because I took Entomology 101: big ole brownish-yellow, low-flying squishies with lots of guts. Stopped to carefully clean it off but there's too much bug juice, a full wash is needed later.

About 2:30PM I rolled in to Craters of The Moon. It looks like the name, kinda bleak and barren and perfect. Wide, cloudy skies from here to where the flat earth ends and vaccines aren't needed. I stop by a small hill and walk up to the crest; hidden behind is another crest. Decent pictures. Coming down I see some tourists standing around the car. Some guy is leaning his posterior on the hood and having a picture taken. This excites me a wee bit and I leg it to explain the finer points of no touchie; I know its complicated. They are French (not the Quebecois variety); explanations were offered, much hand gesturing ensued, apologies made and Trans-Atlantic relations were preserved (you're welcome, America). I keep rolling albeit with a blood pressure higher than normal; I like this place minus butt guy.

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Meeting JB from Texas, AKA Walter Mitty

Back on the road and I pull over for gas at Picabo. Station appears to be closing; their coffee is lukewarm and does not look good. Made my way to a rest stop for Operation Caffeine Overdose ala Jetboil and French Press and yes, it was great, full bodied and delicious. Fully amped I drive east toward Montana and Yellowstone but I can't quite make it. 9PM rolls around and I stop at a random rest area, writing out notes on the day. There's a silver Mercedes roadster a few spots over, I'm guessing early to mid 90s (SLK? Not familiar with Mercedes). It looks really good, sleek, fast and small. Fender flares, looks like aftermarket wheels and the driver is staring at my car. I go back to writing notes and look up a few minutes later. He's still staring. Got out to rummage for food and that's when the driver walks over: JB from Texas. 6'4" or so and has about 100 lbs on me, in a dark parking area - but that's not the problem. Problem is he's a close talker. Protip for tall guys talking to strangers in dark places: Don't be a close talker.

I ask JB about his car and he says it was his first, got it new in 99 when he was 15. That's remarkable and I asked how he pulled it off. "My parents are the most senior judges in (whatever TX town he's from)." This was said emphatically and louder than you'd expect, but I figure it's possible, and wealthy families can buy expensive cars for their kids. After this point little things were said that raised some flags but nothing major, things like European cars being cheaper to repair than domestic. But then it got weird, with JB stating he's a retired Air Force General, and his wife a retired Navy Colonel (for those unfamiliar, there are no Colonels in the US Navy). JB doesn't appear old enough to make 04 much less General, so I ask how old he is and this produces a long pause- really long (he was doing the math, 15 in 1999 now its 2018.. this minus that, carry the 1, no wait just subtract, x = y and divide the ... and he got it wrong). Finally he says "40." Amazing. A 40 YO retired General, he must be a legend I've never heard of. I decide to leave before the inevitable JSOC story. There's always a JSOC story.

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Yellowstone and KA bands

Morning rolls around and I awake at another rest stop. Get the jetboil going and its not long before 191 gets me to Yellowstone. Just before the park is the town of West Yellowstone and here the radar detector pays gives another assist. A few cars on the road and we're approaching a bend. KA alert is a sudden, strong signal and there he is, local Sheriff sitting just past the bend. He starts to follow after I pass but I'm in the clear. About a mile down I'm the only car on this stretch and just for giggles he lights me up. I get it, its a holiday weekend and no better time to get low hanging fruit like speeders and drunks, but come on, Deputy Dog. I innit stupit. Me gud drivor.

Yellowstone. Incredible driving roads but again no bueno to open it up, a fact reinforced by another Deputy exercising his radar skills (quite good, no alerts at all til I rounded a corner). If you like fly fishin' this is the place, and I made several hikes with one decent picture to show for it. That's my bad; arrival time (11AM) meant I had to wait awhile for acceptable light. Could be there's a pattern here.

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I visit Ennis and find an El Camino for sale

Leaving the park I point the car to Ennis on route 287. This is a tourist-focused town. You like huntin', maybe fishin', little bit of hikin', you want it they got it. The main drag is several hundred yards of contemporary storefronts and they appear to have been designed by the same person. Quirky, but not too quirky with just the right amount of rustic, and nicely done enough to let you know its gonna be expensive shopping there.

Exxon was out of 91 on all pumps (or 92 in MT) but I found another station. In the gravel lot next door was a bright light shining through parting clouds, and I may have heard a chorus because there she was, a 1987 Chevy El Camino, 71k miles, 10k asking down from 12. Looked in good shape, badged SS and V8. I didn't closely inspect it, and I'm no expert in verifying SuperSport models from any era. At any rate trans isn't my thing. But still, good looking history on wheels.

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Butte, where the rubber meets the road (or snow, in this case) and Georgetown Lake

And now I'm in Butte. I neither wrote nor recall much of this drive, my mind said write but my body said sleep. Made it in good time and got a room, and you know what? It's freaking cold. Like... dude. COLD, low 30s. Up to this point I still haven't checked weather reports because I'm a rocket scientist. Woke at 5AM and found a coin op car wash and yes, its cold and getting colder. I'm worried about the tire temp rating and this is compounded by a light dusting of snow. I realize my IQ has to catch up and GTFO to a warmer climate. S/SW is good but too obvious. N/NW is more my mongo style on highway 90; temp decreased to 28 degrees and snow had built up as a fine slush, but not frozen. At least there's no snowplows, that would be a bad sign. And then a few miles in there are snow plows, thankfully they appear to be pre-positioned and sitting there. This must be one of the first snows of the season, and my escape velocity is tempered by MPSS running well below threshold. Went gentle on the inputs, reduced speed and held it steady. No problems keeping it straight and thankfully stopping distance was not put to the test.

I self-flagellate for a number of miles, slowly building confidence and moving from light snow to rain. Stopped at a rest area to inspect the tires; no cracks or other issues found, nor did any appear during the trip. The air intake and grille had ice build up, good news is it was a fairly small area on either side.

I left 90 at Hensley Gulch, turning west on highway 1 AKA Pintier Veterans Memorial Scenic Highway. This was the most beautiful road of the trip, its scenic and then some. Rolling, gentle hills, mostly livestock and horses. More long sweepers with minor elevation changes, and then you get to Georgetown Lake, otherwise known as the place I'll buy when I win the lotto. Not been? Go, its worth your time. For me this was a pass-through, but I'll remember this drive for a long time, a little bit of paradise I had the privilege to observe.

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Crossing back into Idaho, and the memory of what was

Back in Idaho; a light rain and miles of yellows, browns and greens. Cruise control country like most of the route so far. And then the song played; the one that takes you back to what was or could have been. The one you do and don't want to hear, so you bury it, ignore it but can't quite hit delete. The opening guitar conjures her face and you can feel her touch. It's good and real and bittersweet and you wonder why it ended, but you know why.

some people wind up with the one that they adore

in a heart-shaped hotel room it's what a heart is for

the bubble floats so madly will it stay sky-high?

And suddenly I'm in Tel Aviv with her in that rundown motel by the beach. The faded yellow walls gave the room a golden light offset by dingy grey curtains and an ugly rug. Just her and I and this song playing on her phone. It was a long way from home, across borders, language, religious and cultural differences. It was also over but we didn't know it just then; better that way. She's married now. I put the memory back on the shelf, close the door and leave.

and it's you and me in the summertime we'll be hand in hand down in the park

with a squeeze and a sigh and that twinkle in your eye and all the sunshine banishes the dark

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The A/C goes to the great condenser in the sky

A month before leaving I attempted to get some issues addressed: Rear panel gaps, unreliable A/C, front wheel well liner not flush and a poorly fitted passenger door. My dealership put their best guys on the job and the results were: Panel gap parts on backorder (understandable), unreliable A/C diagnosed as "normal," wheel well liner was "normal" and nothing can be done about the door. I was impressed and decided to find another dealer after the trip. But now the A/C decides its time to meet its maker. No A/C, no heat, no joy. Top men, Dr. Jones. Top. Men.

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Coeur D'Alene Lake: Flatbed hauls a totaled 911 and Camry

I arrived at Coeur D'Alene. Passed through a few times before but never stopped by the lake, and I'm glad I did. 50 square miles of water surrounded by hills with marinas interspersed along the shore. Twisty roads with some straights that reminds me of Skyline. Only here I take it easy, I don't know the roads so I run an inspection cruise along a 20 mile run: 1 cross, 7 deer in 2 groups, 2 school bus stops, 0 cyclists. Not ideal especially the school bus stops and deer, and local popo are running KA band. I drive it anyway, moderately. On the way out I see a flatbed loaded up with a wrecked white 911 (recent) and Camry (00's model). The Porsche's passenger door is off the frame and the roof looks partially caved.

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Washington State expert editorial and heroin at the rest stop

I've never lived in WA but I'm nonetheless an expert with a viewpoint that applies to every resident, because I'm smart and stuff. They don't care for Californians because too many moved here, a PNW echo chamber that goes back decades and won't end, well, ever. Which is fine because no one ever moved to CA and drove up prices, in greater numbers and with greater consequences. They have a lot of tweakers, which CA also has a lot of. They share a coastline with Oregon and Canada that is hands down the most beautiful and inspiring you'll find anywhere. And their popo are a revenue generator force, more than most places.

Pulled in to a rest stop shortly after crossing the border. Camped out in the car and got the usual restless sleep. Up at 4AM to visit the men's room, and out walks Slim Shady's cousin with a red hat, red jersey of some kind, black basketball shorts and red basketball shoes. Slim left behind a syringe, one of those rubber hose things they use to tie off, an empty brown packet about the size of rubber packaging and some random bits and bobs. I return to the car thinking how sad it is this guy has a fix at the ready while preparing the jetboil and french press, and only later does the irony become obvious. As I said, I'm smart. And stuff.

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Field testing AMMO NYC'S Frothe (hoseless wash)

I exited 90 beyond Snoqualmie Pass, fill up and decide to test AMMONYC's hoseless wash product. Disclaimer: I have no relationship with AMMO, and I paid for the product just as you would. There's a TA truck stop adjacent to the gas station and I park in between them, well out of anyone's way. The car has road grime, some bugs, the usual detritus but nothing too heavy.

I used the sprayer with water first to rinse, then added Frothe and got down to business except for one thing: Parking a Shelby by truckers is like throwing chum into a sea of dorsal fins. I'm getting my foam on when I get my first visitor, Mike, 61, trucker and retired diesel mechanic. Mike's a nice guy but his intro was, "What in the hell are you doing?" I explain the concept but he looks doubtful, then I get the car stories (this V8, and that one, and some other one). Good conversation but I gotta work on this so Mike and I part ways.

Next up was another trucker, I didn't get his name. Large guy, about Mike's age and he approaches close but doesn't say anything, just stares at the car. I break the ice and he says, "I'd give you a run against my Hellcat." I'm not down to measure manhoods or compare cornering so I don't. He inspects the car and doesn't like the PPF, doesn't like hoseless wash. He does like the shine but I get a blank stare when explaining what ceramic coating is. All this was fine until he decides to touch the paint: "Is that a rock chip?" I don't know what it is about paint but some people can't stop themselves from touching it.

Second and last visitor gone I continue with Frothe. Easy to use, lifting the dirt does take a fair number of towels (6 in my case) and that's fine, I've brought a lot. No visible scratches or swirls but I didn't go CSI on this, it's clean, it shines and I was careful to follow the lifting vs pushing method. Very happy with the results but the pictures don't do it justice. See the Seattle/Pike's Place pic for a good representation, it was taken not long after with a good amount of miles driven.

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Speed, Karma & Laser Cats Cops

Continuing on 90 its flat agricultural land that reminds me of CA's central region with more rainfall. Traffic is very light, only a few cars and this Corolla - I'm thinking early 2000s model - comes up fast behind me. Really fast. What's remarkable is the great condition of the paint, this car is cosmetically well taken care of. I know because the driver, lets put him on the younger side of 18, passed at high speed and very close, swerving to lane change. I deploy the universal sign of disapproval and hope he learns his lessons before its too late. 20 miles down the road I see flashing lights and the state patrol is keeping him company. Karma, bro. It don't mess around.

On my last WA visit the city of Pasco (further south, not far from the OR border) had an aggressive ticketing posture. This time I didn't write down the name, no time to pull over - just a city between Snoqualmie and Seattle. KA band up ahead, and another a 1/2 mile after that. But they're not done, this is a pack operation. Mr. Laser Cop is parked after the 2nd KA cruiser, and its clear they mean (big) business. This was the second laser strike in WA during this trip. Thankfully I did not contribute to the register.

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Seattle and Pike's Place

In my mind this was going to be a great picture, something to print. Low light, low angle, blazing Pike's Place sign in the background. Got there too late for that, about 10AM due to heavy traffic and the Frothe field test. No biggie. Only problem is I'm from SF where car break ins are rampant and my car is chock full of stuff. Leave it like this at home and you're coming back to broken glass so I keep the car in sight.

Lets see.. Starbucks, not my first choice and it looks like Disneyland with all the tourists. I find an indy coffee purveyor, enjoy my dose and buy some overpriced t-shirts. And then its time to leave, but I drive around and I'm reminded that Seattle is what SF used to be: Not too crowded and a little laid back. Locals will tell you otherwise and the COL is too high, and there's too many people from CA who moved here, and they're right and wrong. But its vibe is nothing like SF and I hope it stays that way. Seattle is its own thing.

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Newport, Oregon and the awkward stop light

I'm driving through Newport, another coastal town and this one has a fine dining establishment I'm keen to visit, Taco Bell. You may have heard of them, may I recommend the 20oz Mountain Dew for optimal caffeine delivery. Leaving town I stop at a light, windows down because the Top. Men. did such a great job with the aircon. A Chevy truck (older one, S10 maybe) pulls up alongside. The driver has a ball cap on backwards, dark sunglasses and a Tom Selleck mustache. "Hey man! I'm a Chevy guy but I really like your car, that back end is something! Love how you put it together!" The words form in my head and my mouth opens to speak but he's gone before I can say anything. So there I was, mentally constipated long before the physical effects of this value meal, unable to tell him with urgency and a longing for relief that no, its stock and I'm not a Ford engineer or modding genius. Frustrating.

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I ordered pizza and met our Lord and Savior

I stopped for dinner at a town close to Eugene. Its time for something healthy, like pizza. Yeah. Pepperoni and a cold one will do. Nice enough place, nothing fancy and nothing you'd remember. Except the guy who took my order was Jesus Christ Superstar. Brown shoulder length hair and a full beard, neatly done. Semi-olive complexion and I'm wondering if my Aramaic is up to speed, or whether I should be his agent for the Broadway revival. Mostly I'm wishing my long hair days hadn't ended and I briefly wallow in envy. At any rate the pizza was good and Jesus was a nice guy. Good to know.

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The end

.. just kidding. I kept driving south, down to CA, following 101 as it looped in and out of the coast. It wasn't until Eureka that I was reminded of a specific subculture. The sun was setting as I drove through, and this is it, i knew it - The Walking Dead isn't fiction, its right here, game over and all I've got is a multitool. But it was only the patchouli and herb loving drum circle crowd and there were a lot of them coming out of the shadows. Maybe Phish was playing, but I think they broke up? Doesn't matter. Welcome back to California. I'm so excited to visit my dealership and have a really long conversation about the A/C, my feelings and unmet expectations and maybe a hug at the end. Nah, forget that. Time to find a dealer who will offer solutions and options. Wish me luck.

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The real end

Don't know why you're still here. It's done. For real this time.