#but it's terrible for playing solo because i can just get stuck with a staff that can only deal 1 damage per hit to a resistant enemy

[danielnelsen]

wooow it's my favourite part of the game

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 7: Shall We Dance

• Something I didn’t consciously realize about this film until reading Hannah Hyam’s book is that Astaire and Rogers don’t dance together until nearly an hour in. That hasn’t happened since Gay Divorcee. What was anyone thinking??

• Shall We Dance suffers from a lot of extra crap that it didn’t need, such as extraneous characters, far too many interruptions in the Astaire and Rogers relationship, and a bunch of weirdness like life-sized dolls, life-like masks, and backbending ballerinas. The film also has a lot of wasted potential, including a great score and songs by George and Ira Gershwin. 

The Gershwins were already well acquainted with Astaire and Rogers. The duo had first met when she was starring in the brothers’ show, Girl Crazy, and Astaire was brought in to help with choreography. Rogers was close friends with George and even dated him. Astaire had known the brothers prior, having starred in a few of their shows with his sister, Adele. 

• Our characters/actors: Peter “Petrov” Peters (Fred Astaire), Linda Keene (Ginger Rogers), Jeffrey Baird (Edward Everett Horton), Arthur Miller (Jerome Cowan)

• Around the time I was first really into classic Hollywood films, including these ones, my family and I adopted a new dog. I annoyed my parents to no end by suggesting we name him Peter P. Peters. Don’t know why I latched onto that name but I did. 

• Even in the massive portrait of Petrov, you can see Astaire has his fingers curled in rather than fully extended.

• Astaire’s ballet attire lets us once again see just how skinny he is. 

• Always loved how Peter does a little tap at the rhythmic sound of his name and birthplace: Pete Peters, Philadelphia PA.

• Rogers’ cardigan with all of its baubles is truly awful looking. It will only be out done by a terrible floral dress she wears later. 

• I do however like that she shoves her handsy stage partner into a fountain. Why are men constantly the worst?

• “And why must there always be a kiss at the second-act curtain?” is YET ANOTHER example of these films trolling us. Not once up until this point has any act of an Astaire/Rogers outing included a kiss between them. 

• Linda’s disinterest in even meeting Petrov is based on the assumption that he’s a “simpering toe dancer.” While that’s incorrect, she’s not wrong that he is indeed another man who has seen a picture of her and wants to tell her he can’t live without her. So she gets partial credit. 

• If Peter wasn’t totally smitten before, Linda’s jab, “It’s just a game little American boys play” gets him. 

• As a mixed race number, “Slap That Bass” is incredibly unusual for the era. Astaire was a great admirer of African-American dancers and was strongly influenced by Bill Robinson and John W. Bubbles. I love the blend of all of the voices in this song. 

• The dance portion of “Slap That Bass” gives Astaire a chance to show off more of his innovative mind and choreography. He dances in time with the sounds of the ship’s engine and compels the camera to follow him across and up the vast set. The dance is also special in that we have behind the scenes footage of Astaire rehearsing, thanks to a home video shot by George Gershwin. 

• Peter making Jeffrey believe the boat is rocking may seem a bit unbelievable but having been on a large ship myself, sometimes you don’t realize it’s rocking until you see other passengers weaving or a giant chandelier swaying. 

• I usually skip most if not all of Jeffrey and Arthur’s scenes together. They slow down this film soooo much.

• Like in all of their films, songs are sometimes heard in the background before the actual musical number they appear in. But because this film is scored by the Gershwins, there’s an array of shorter pieces of music that are all their own, such as the whimsical score heard while Rogers and then Rogers with Astaire are walking her dog.

• The dog Peter borrows to give himself an excuse to talk to Linda hits his bark cue perfectly and looks extremely happy about it. 

• I would love to know what exactly Astaire and Rogers are talking about while walking her dog. Maybe they were given lines that were then not recorded or maybe it’s improv. But it seems very natural. 

Rogers did say that Astaire was a wonderful conversationalist and was adept at talking while dancing, something she noted most men couldn’t manage. 

• Wow do I love it when Rogers gets to be extra sassy

Peter: “Isn’t it wonderful being here tonight like this? Still on the same boat together.”

Linda: “Oh, I seldom change boats in mid-ocean.”

• “Beginner’s Luck” is such a charming, fast song that Astaire delivers wonderfully. He hardly seems to take a breath. 

A jazzed up version of “Beginner’s Luck” is the song Peter tried to dance to in Paris but the record kept getting stuck. 

• Something this movie fails at is letting Linda and Peter’s relationship continue to progress before throwing more obstacles in their way. We know from the gossip of the ship’s staff that they have been spending a lot of time together. When we see them, they are having a relaxing evening that’s incredibly domestic: sitting side by side on the deck while she knits and he smokes. Wouldn’t it have been nice to see more of this part of their relationship? 

• Why on earth did Peter think sending Jeffrey to fix the false baby rumors was the right decision? Jeffrey can’t handle a single thing. 

• Infuriated at the rumors that she’s married to Peter and pregnant with their baby, Linda tries to call him. “Operator! Get me Mr. Petrov. What? Don’t you dare congratulate me!”

• The theme of this movie is supposed to be the blend of dancing and music styles. Peter’s ballet and Linda’s jazz styles are one example, George Gershwin’s varied score, which switches from jazz to waltz to foxtrot to classical, etc, is another. But it’s a fairly weak concept that doesn’t quite land and reportedly, neither Astaire or Ira Gershwin was wild about it. 

• I love the new version of “Slap That Bass” that plays as Peter and Jeffrey enter the rooftop club. 

• When Rogers sings “They All Laughed,” she is singing to an off-screen Cary Grant, her friend and sometimes date who was visiting the set at the time. 

She is also wearing a dress with a horrible pattern. It’s supposed to be floral but it always makes me think of amoebas. Maybe it looked better in color?

• Astaire clearly has fun during the part where Peter hams it up a bit with his ballet next to Linda’s tapping. 

• In some ways, “They All Laughed” is reminiscent of “Isn’t it a Lovely Day.” They’re testing each other, trading glancing as they see whether the other can keep up with the increasingly complex steps. Until now, Linda didn’t know Peter could dance this way so her surprise and amusement unfolds slowly as the routine progresses. But he has been grinning since the start because he’s hoping to win her back through this dance.

• This is another duet where it takes a long time before they touch. The first physical contact is just her executing a series of spins with the help of his fingers. And it’s during this part that Rogers finally breaks into a wide smile.  

• When he spins her up onto the piano the first time, she happily waits for him to retrieve her. And when he spins her into a seated position and upright again a few times don’t miss how he looks at her with a wry, slightly mischievous smile. 

• The Linda doll is so creepy and not lifelike. Who was fooled by this?

Also, Arthur is terrible. Jeffrey is terrible too but he’s an idiot so I’m more willing to let it slide. 

• Peter walking out of Linda’s bedroom in the morning in his robe right in front of her fiancé while she is in her negligee is pretty funny. 

• Peter and Linda’s nice day out is just further proof that this movie should’ve spent more time on the two of them together rather than breaking them up every few minutes. 

• “Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off” is a fun song, though Astaire gets most of the good words imo. However, Rogers does do an extra affectation to some of her lyrics and that makes them funnier. 

At one point when she’s singing, he turns to her and for just a moment his face goes soft in that way it does sometimes when he looks at her. 

• Some film historians have labeled this dance as not that great when compared to other Astaire and Rogers numbers. But I’ve always found it very enjoyable and innovative. While Gene Kelly probably takes the gold medal for dancing on skates in It’s Always Fair Weather, Astaire and Rogers did it first, did it well, and deserve some extra credit for a duet on skates rather than a solo. 

Rogers also deserves some extra credit since the idea to dance on skates was supposedly hers. And probably deserves even more credit for doing this dance on skates while also in heels. 

• For some reason I really enjoy that they perform this number in their hats and street clothes. It’s so informal and feels like something you do on a fun date. 

• Throughout this dance, Peter continues to be the playful one, as he’s been in their interactions in the film, and Linda is the more serious one who needs to be coaxed into having fun. Maybe this is why Astaire frequently glances at her and even spends long seconds watching her at different parts as they move into the next series of steps. Rogers is more reserved in her expressions but whenever they are face to face, she appears happiest. 

A few times she looks triumphant, leading me to wonder if they or she had finally nailed a section that was giving them or her trouble. 

• Can’t say for certain but I swear she almost falls when they do the backwards steps. She just baaaarely snags his hand in time. 

They had to film this dance something like 150 times so I imagine there was more than one time where at least one of them did indeed fall. 

• The circular dance they do leading up to the end is based on a dance Astaire and his sister made famous in their time on the stage. 

• Apparently the grassy bank they tumble onto wasn’t padded so those fake grimaces of pain aren’t that fake. Their exchange after the tumble feels very much like married banter to me:

Peter: “Yes, it was my idea.”

Linda: “Have you any more of them?”

Peter, exaggerating: “No.”

• They’re such a good match:

Linda: “Peter, you’ve got to marry me.”

Peter: “Why, Linda, this is so sudden.”

• Oh 1930s Hays Code humor. The cop who overhears their conversation thinks she’s pregnant and pressuring the father of the baby into marrying her. Hurr hurr hurr.

• Heh:

Linda: “I beg your pardon but what are grounds for divorce in this state?”

Clerk: “Marriage.”

• It will never make sense to me that a dance was not planned in this film for “They Can’t Take That Away From Me.” It’s a truly lovely song. I know Astaire and Rogers will dance to it more than ten years later in The Barkleys of Broadway but it’s just not the same. 

It’s also a good reminder in the film that Peter has legitimate feelings for Linda and she does for him but they’re far more conflicted. Though he must sense he’s hooked her in a bit since he becomes very aloof once they return to the hotel in the stupid hope of making her want him more? Idk, men are dumb. 

• “They Can’t Take That Away From Me” carries special poignancy because it became a form of consolation to Ira Gershwin after his brother suddenly died two months after this film was released. 

• Oh Linda’s face when she walks in to see Peter with the loathsome Lady Tarrington is so sad and crestfallen. Ever thought you and your crush were finally on the same page only to find them canoodling with someone else? 

Although, she could’ve knocked first instead of just walking straight into his room…

• The ballet portion of the finale is weird and unappealing in every way. Harriet Hoctor was known for the backbend dance she does in this film. Maybe it was something spectacular in 1937?? but it doesn’t hold up. 

One thing I’ll say about Astaire’s duet with Hoctor, it’s a great chance to see him in a romantic duet with someone other than Rogers and notice how different he acts. No secret smile, no lingering looks, no whispered words, no soft expressions. 

• “Shall We Dance” is another upbeat song that deserves more than being featured in the remaining few minutes of the film. Their dance is far too short but wonderful all the same. Her delight when he finds her always makes me smile. She also executes some impressive full length lunges that I couldn’t do at this moment much less in a dress and heels in the middle of a dance number. 

For a few seconds, his fingers press into the exposed dip of her spine in yet another example of Victorian hotness. 

• And so we finish film number 7. Shall We Dance underperformed at the box office and wasn’t a critical darling. Everyone, the actors included, started to feel the magic was coming to an end. Coming up next is a film I pretty much never rewatch: Carefree. 

[sproutspright]

Burning

Pairing: Mark x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Smut

Warnings: mentions of drugs and alcohol, language, fingering, implied sex

Word Count: 4.3k

Song Rec: I Don’t Think I Can Do This Again- Mura Masa, Clairo

A thousand heartbeats filled the room, but only the bass of the music reverbated inside of you. For a moment, you were afraid your heart had stopped beating, but you continued to breathe erratically as you sat on the leather couch cushion, taking in your surroundings. You had been to parties in high school, but not quite like this one. Your friend had dragged you out of the house, just days after moving in together, saying something about christening your freedom. It was true that you had lived under a strict household your entire life until now, and for that very reason you felt as though you stuck out terribly. Something which you hated the most. The people here were not like you. They flung around carelessly at strangers, talking as they sipped (or chugged) the contents of their red solo cups. Some even messed around with substances you briefly recognized from school assemblies on the dangers of drug abuse. Although you knew this kind of thing went on, being in the middle of it shocked you to your core. So much that you had already lost track of your friend, and had become trapped on a large white leather couch, a pair of party goers making out on the opposite end to you.

It all made your head spin, and you wondered how long you’d last in a place like this. Your eyes wandered the crowd, wondering what these people were like in the light of day. One had a beer box on their head, and another was slinking up the stairs, arms wrapped around two girls in tight dresses. But your eyes halted at the sight of one, sweeping black hair and dark eyes fixed upon a pretty girl with blonde curly hair. He looked so engrossed in whatever it was she was saying, you began to feel embarrassed looking at him. You looked down into your drink, taking a small sip of the bitter liquid. As your head rose up, suddenly his gaze had turned to you. Now you could feel the strain of your heart as a blush crept onto your cheeks. You quickly looked down again, tapping your foot and hoping he had continued his conversation with the girl. But as you looked up again, they had disappeared, and you sighed in relief.

“Mind if I join you?” a low voice sounded from above you, and you looked up to see him, standing there as though you had somehow summoned him. He wore all black, sporting a sleek leather jacket, looking as though he had jumped out of a magazine.

“Uh- yeah,” you scooted to make room for him, but he sat beside you, his knee against yours.

“What’s your name?” his eyes were curiously traveling your body, and you wanted to hide your face, which had now turned a deep rose color.

“Y/n,” you swallowed, taking a sip of your drink, your hand trembling slightly, “And you?”

“Mark,” he stated, keeping his eyes fixed on you as you struggled to hold your composure. His large dark eyes surrounded by sharp features commanded your attention.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before,” he continued, wrapping his arm around the edge of the couch.

“Well, I guess I’m pretty new to the area,” you admit, although it was painfully obvious.

“Ahh, I thought so,” Mark smirked, “You looked kind of lonely over here.”

“Well, I was sort of abandoned so I guess that doesn’t surprise me,” you quipped, looking around for your friend. She had been so excited to take you here, it left you bitter that she had so easily ditched you.

“I’m sorry, do you want me to help you find your…” Mark left the question blank, waiting for you to confirm what sort of relation you had to said deserter.

“Friend,” you replied shortly, “Although I’m not sure about that anymore.” Mark chuckled warmly, looking at you sympathetically. You returned a small smile, only because his laugh was so contagious.

“Should we just leave then?” he suggested, laughter still threatening to spill from his throat again. You couldn’t help but feel your mood begin to shift at his elation.

“Are you serious?” you look around, wondering if it were a good idea to leave with a complete stranger. Though the chaos around you was convincing enough.

“Let’s get out of here,” Mark rose up, his hand stretched out in offering. You hesitated a moment before taking it, feeling him gently pull you off of the couch. The rush in your head as your feet hit the floor was a telltale sign that you had more to drink than you thought. Perhaps from your nerves at being so out of your element. Heads turned as you both stepped outside, the cool night air like a salve to your hot skin. You realize your hand is still in his grasp, but you don’t move it away. His fingers entwined become a solid stability for the uneasiness burning inside your stomach.

“Right here,” Mark stops in front of a sporty red car, twirling the key ring around his finger. You blink, looking back through the windows of flashing lights and smoke. You weren’t sure if you were doing something wrong, but being away from the party had felt more right than any decision you could have made that night. He opened the door for you and you sat inside, the leather interior groaning under your weight.

“Where are we going?” you ask as he situates himself in the drivers seat.

“You’ll see,” Mark smiles and the scenery becomes a blur as you're carried away into the night, the lights of the city streaming past like smudges of paint. You both talk amicably, conversation flowing like a steady stream as you reveal bits and pieces of yourself. If you had been told the day before you would have been half drunk, in the car of a strange guy, and talking about yourself, you’d never believe it. But in the moment, you didn’t pay mind to how out of character it was. This new feeling became a spark, igniting in your chest until you found more ways to keep it alight.

Before you knew it, he had stopped the car inside the greenish glare of a parking garage. You sat in confusion as he got out and opened the door for you, a little smile playing on his lips.

“Where are we?” you questioned as he helped you out of the car. Luckily you had declined your friend’s offer to wear heels to the party.

“I’m kind of hungry, so I thought I’d take you to this nice ramen spot in town,” Mark said as he kept a grip on your hand. It slightly annoyed you how excited it made you feel. Your echoed footsteps faded as you exited the car garage and onto the street. Tall buildings towered above you, filled with people you didn’t know but were suddenly curious about. The smell of exhaust and cigarette smoke hung in the air like a fog.

“It's really close by, just around the corner,” Mark lead the way as you stared in wonder at the city you had only heard about from your far away suburban hometown. The fact that you were here with one of the most charming boys you had ever met further drove your excitement.

At the lanterned doorway hung a red curtain, billowing in the slight breeze. The rich smell of broth and grease beckoned. Mark lifted the curtain for you to enter, earning an enthusiastic greeting from the staff. You both sat near the back, excited to taste exactly what you were smelling.

“Definitely get the spicy one,” he pointed at your menu as you became overwhelmed with options, “That’s what I always get.”

“I’ll just try some of yours then,” you shrug and continue looking. A loud clanging in the kitchen turns your attention, and you see Mark’s gaze on you as he slowly moves his head, seemingly too distracted to have noticed. You blush furiously as you look back at your menu, propping it up further to hide your face. This earns a chuckle from him and you blush further.

“Sorry, you’re too pretty not to look at,” Mark confesses, averting his eyes.

“Pretty? I’m not trying to be pretty,” you cower shyly behind the laminated booklet. You definitely had never strove to reach such a standard, and had told yourself that it didn’t matter either way.

“You don’t have to try,” he laughed, “you just are.”

“Well I’d rather not, thank you very much,” you continued to hide your face, now hot with embarrassment. But that didn’t stop Mark from his admiring gaze, resting his chin in his palm.

“And you’re funny too,” he laughed.

After your food came out, you eagerly delved into your bowl. The warm broth soothed your stomach, which still burned with alcohol. The rosiness of Mark’s cheeks as he slurped his spicy ramen made your heart flutter.

How cute.

“What?” he questioned, his doe eyes looking concerned as he wiped his face with the back of his hand.

“Nothing,” you chuckled, “you just look thirsty.”

“Hey, I can handle anything baby,” he said with a glint in his eye before coughing and reaching for a glass of water. You tried to stifle a laugh as you heard the bell above the door chime at the arrival of new customers. Mark’s playful demeanor turned icy as he eyed the four men in the doorway. You turned to look at the men, who hadn’t noticed the both of you tucked into the back corner. There was nothing distinctive about them in particular. They looked like average college guys. All except for one, who had several bandages on his face. Though most of his expression was hidden, the venom in his eyes said enough.

“Hey y/n, what do you say we get some fresh air?” Mark said to you, careful to keep his voice low. You turned and looked at him, his features becoming hardened. Were those men dangerous?

“You!” one of the men spotted Mark, who had already thrown cash on the table and had grabbed your hand.

“Lets go!” Mark led you out of the restaurant as one of them had tried to grab your sleeve.

“Come back here motherfucker!” you heard them shout as you both ran across the street, thankful that traffic had been stopped. The wind enveloped your face, hair flying behind you like a wild flame.

“Mark, what’s going on?”

“I sort of pissed those guys off a while back,” he admit, keeping a tight grip on your hand as you tried to keep up with his pace. You wondered what he possibly could have done to garner such hostility.

“Don’t worry, they won’t follow us too far!” Somehow his words made you feel more anxious. You were happy you hadn’t been able to finish your food, or you might have thrown up in the street. You couldn’t say you were athletically inclined, so the running left you more than out of breath as Mark finally slowed his pace.

“Okay,” he huffed, “Pretty sure we lost ‘em. You okay?” You nodded, your hands on your knees as your breath heaved.

“I think I just- worked off all that ramen,” you panted and he laughed, taking your hand and leading you down the sidewalk, his hair sticking to the back of his neck slightly. You didn’t talk for a few minutes, just listening to the bustle of the city and taking in the different faces that passed you by. Mark’s hand felt like an anchor now more than ever. You hoped he wouldn’t stop at any opportunity.

“So what happened back there?” you finally asked, your curiosity overcame you. Mark looked at you before his eyes drifted off to the sky, sighing and ruffling his hair with his hand.

“Well, I kind of broke that guy’s face,” he said bashfully.

“You what?!”

“It’s not what you think,” he laughed, “I was at their party and got too drunk and ended up getting sick on the floor. He ended up slipping and landing on the floor, which happened to be concrete by the way. It was sort of like an industrial loft type thing.”

“Hold up,” you interrupted, “You broke some guy’s face because he slipped on your puke?”

“Well...yeah,” Mark sighed, clearly embarrassed. You couldn’t help yourself as you burst into laughter at the thought of something so ridiculous. All this time you had thought maybe he was involved in something serious instead of a silly accident.

“He really fell that hard?” you continued through your laughter, holding your torso as you bent over slightly.

“Hey come on, I feel really bad,” he grumbled, avoiding your teasing gaze.

“I’m sorry,” you began to calm down, “I’ve just never heard of something like that before. They must be pretty mad at you.”

“Yeah well it’s not really all my fault, but how do I tell that to someone with a broken face?”

“I guess you’re right,” you squeezed his hand sympathetically. He returned your gaze, a small smirk crept to his lips.

“I mean, it is kind of funny.”

Though you had only known Mark for a total of four hours, you felt as though it was somehow a reunion with a good old friend. His presence was so comfortable and effortless you hadn’t realized the time or anything at all. You were in a different world with this person. One you knew you wanted to be in for as long as you could. There wasn’t a lot you knew about him, but you had come to recognize his intense dynamic, an overflowing aliveness that seemed to burn within him so strongly that it made your heart ache. This was someone who didn’t need to know what they wanted, because life would always be a gift to them. A soul that illuminated all the shadows within your own, until you were filled with nothing but warmth. It was as exciting as it was terrifying, that he was capable of invoking such feelings in you that you didn’t know you craved so badly before. You were so afraid to be recognized before because of the shame your parents had instilled in you early on. But all of that seemed to have shattered. You wanted to live. You wanted to do big things. You wanted love and heartbreak. Everything that made up humanity itself, you suddenly knew you had wanted to be a part of it all along.

“Hey Mark,” you interjected as he lead you across the bridge above the river, the lights of the city rippling through the water's reflection. You hadn’t even thought about where you were going, and it was apparent that he didn’t either.

“Yeah?” he replied, catching a glimpse of you before you turned your head to the water below.

“Are you afraid of anything?” He stopped and leaned against the railing of the bridge, looking up at the clouded orange sky.

“I’m afraid of those guys somehow catching up to us,” he chuckled, and you nudged him.

“No really. Aren’t you afraid of anything?” Somehow you didn’t want to know the answer, and were unsure of why you were even asking.

“Well, I’m kind of afraid that I haven’t quite convinced you yet.”

“About what,” you responded, perplexed. Mark turned to you, leaning his arm against the rail to draw closer to you. Your heartbeat began to quicken its pace.

“Being with a guy like me,” he answered, searching your eyes for any sort of confirmation. You didn’t expect him to say that and looked down, playing with your hair nervously.

“I don’t know, I’d probably disappoint you. I’m not that exciting,” you muttered, internally screaming because he had just revealed that he wanted you and you had no idea how to take that. Someone as special as Mark wanted to be with you? You didn’t think you had much to offer for him.

“I think you like to think that y/n,” Mark mumbled, catching your hair and tucking it behind your ear, “but you’re the only one who wanted to leave that party with me. I think you just hide behind the premise of being a wallflower to protect yourself. But I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to know you.” You had unknowingly become so close to Mark that you could feel his breath across your skin. You couldn’t decide if you wanted to cry and go home or kiss him. He had figured you out so quickly, and here you were still enthralled by the mystery of Mark. You figured it was too late to undo whatever spell had already been cast.

“Did I say too much?” he breathed, but you shook your head and wrapped your arms around his neck. Slowly, you brought your lips closer together until they crashed into each other like two waves. You felt goosebumps prickle from beneath your clothing as his lips melted in yours, one hand against your neck and the other on the small of your back, pulling you closer. His kisses were gentle but fevered and you wanted to savor them like a fine wine. Nothing came close to this feeling, as though you had reached the top of the summit. It was too sweet a moment to understand.

What proceeded became a blur to you. Your eager eyes staring into his, your footsteps echoing on the streets, his hand guiding you through his doorway, and then his lips leading you to his couch. You tried to remember how you had gotten here, your insistence on finishing your food you had left at the restaurant, to his hesitant offer to cook for you in his apartment kitchen. Although you really did feel quite hungry, the both of you knew why you had wanted to come here. You sort of wondered at it too. It was something you’d never done before, or had even wanted to. But you desperately hungered for the fire he had set inside of you. It burned brighter as his hands crept lower from your neck to your chest.

Every move you made felt so foreign to you, but it only fueled your excitement. You wanted to feel every part of him, holding onto him as though he would suddenly disappear. Mark nuzzled his face into your neck and began to suck at the skin lightly. It made you shiver and grip onto his shoulders a little tighter. You couldn’t stand his clothes in the way of his skin and began to help him shimmy out of his jacket. Mark looked at you as if to ask if you were still okay. But the alcohol had subsided and now he was the only thing you were truly drunk on.

Understanding his unspoken words, you lifted your shirt over your arms, much to Mark’s amazement. As he gazed at your half clothed figure, you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him again. Your lips held a much more heated determination than before, and Mark slipped his hands around your sides, feeling across your back until the straps of your bra barricaded his motions from your skin.

“Take it off,” you whispered in his ear, your own words shocking you. You felt his hands fumble behind you before it quickly fell into your lap. The warmth of his tongue against your breast earned a gasp from you as his hands lowered from your hips to the hem of your black jeans. He unbuttoned them and you shrugged them off your body, suddenly aware of the fabric of his couch against the backs of your thighs.

“Do you want me to keep going?” Mark rasped, his words tickling against your ear.

“Yes, keep going Mark,” you whimpered quietly, almost embarrassed by how desperate you sounded. He chuckled lightly and found your lips again, his hand rubbing against your center. You pulled his shirt from over his head and tossed it aside, your hands greedily touching whatever skin you could until you had signaled him to pull off his jeans too. Now he stood above you, eyes completely glassed over in lust and just the sight of him with his hair slightly tousled made you ache. The less clothing between you, the more feverish you had become.

Mark slipped two fingers inside of you, earning a pleased yelp from you as you began to stroke him through his boxers. He was much harder than you had thought he would be, and you shivered in anticipation. His fingers began to work faster as he rubbed your clit with his thumb. You began to feel a rising of tension in your lower belly as you moaned. You arched your back and Mark took the opportunity to suck on your breast as one hand supported your lower back. The friction became too much as your orgasm spilled over you, grasping his arms and bucking your hips as you moaned in complete pleasure.

Mark pulled his fingers from you and rested his hand on your hip, laying his head on your chest as you came down from your high. Both of you were breathing heavily, although you knew Mark had yet to find release. Instead of the tension subsiding between you, it only intensified as you imagined how much further you could go. Your conscience was silent as you let the scenario play in your head, the feeling of Mark’s skin further escalating your arousal. No it wasn’t something you saw yourself doing as soon as you had stepped outside your apartment tonight. But you no longer cared what others might think. Somehow, he had coaxed out of you what was already there. You only needed to follow your own rules from now on.

“Hey,” you whispered, his head still on your chest, “Can we move to the bed?”

“Are you tired?” Mark lifted his head, seeming not at all bothered by the prospect.

“No,” you smirked, wrapping your arms around his neck and pressing yourself against him, “Just wanted something more comfortable.” With that, Mark rose from the couch and lifted you bridal style as you yelped playfully. He carried you through his bedroom door and carefully set you on his sheets. His eyes never left your body as he crawled up to meet your lips, arms at either side.

“Better?” Mark asked as his hips pressed into yours.

“Much,” you mumbled through a kiss, feeling yourself completely surrender beneath him. It didn’t seem possible, but every touch felt magnified more than before. You’d never been with someone so vocal, whose sole purpose seemed not to rush, but to please you as much as possible. You couldn’t bear to reach the end, to forego such an absolute euphoria. But as soon as his name left your lips, you had reached your limit. As you both caught your breath, suddenly enchanted by eyes filled with wholeness and wonder, you sealed the moment with a kiss. One that felt as warm as syrup spilling lazily over pancakes. There was nothing left to say, at least with words. It didn’t matter if this was the beginning or the end. You couldn’t spare thought for even a second, afraid that you’d lose the connection to the present, to this feeling of freedom.

Mark’s eyes began to droop low, his arm resting across your hip. You counted the breaths before he fell asleep, but you didn’t feel like joining him yet. His still, sleeping face was so beautiful but so vulnerable that you had to look away. Suddenly, your ringtone from your pants pocket in the living room began to chime, and you quickly got up to quell the noise before Mark woke up.

Looking at the illuminated screen, your friend's name appeared across the screen, demanding your reception. With an annoyed sigh, you tossed on Mark’s shirt from the floor, unable to locate your own. The phone continued to chime, and you hurriedly found the door to the balcony and opened it as you answered.

“Where the hell are you y/n?!” she yelled impatiently. You held the phone away from your ear while she calmed down.

“I’m um, at Mark’s place,” you said in a low voice. You stared out into the vastness of the city and began to feel tired.

“Mark?! He’s a total asshole y/n! Why didn’t you come get me?!”

“He seems pretty nice to me. What does it matter?”

“Has he fucked you yet?” she accused. You wondered if she was being overprotective, or if you had detected a tone of jealousy in her voice. It didn’t matter what his intentions were, because you had already established your own.

“Doesn’t make any difference,” you sighed exasperatedly, “I’m having fun, and you weren’t there for me. So I’ll see you tomorrow okay? Or I guess later.”

“Are you seriously-”

“Goodbye,” you cut off and quickly hung up. You felt a little guilty for being so short with her, but you began to fear that she had only wanted you around to keep herself above you. It seemed you had a lot more to learn about yourself as much as other people.

Mark’s arms engulfed you from behind and he lowered his chin onto your shoulder.

“Aren’t you cold out here?” his voice sounded heavy and the corners of your mouth turned a bit at its boyishness.

“Not anymore.”

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 161

Somewhere in the middle of your third cup of extra large coffee, fourteen boxes were delivered to the lab space that was now being used like an office. As it had turned out, coffees and pastries did not fix the problem. You tried to divvy up the boxes evenly among your team so as to ease the burden on everyone. 

Though Steve did have a very good question. “What is it we’re looking for?” 

Right. You’d had old SHIELD files pulled- because Ultron had deleted the virtual ones on Strucker and List. He had to have had a reason for doing so… what was it, exactly? What did those two know that would help you find him? Or better yet, help you ascertain what the hell he was doing with all the materials he was gathering. 

Natasha seemed to be your wingwoman on this operation, as she gathered her thoughts and got an answer out ahead of you. “These guys had a wide net. It’s unlikely they were just scientists in a dark basement their whole careers.” 

The lightbulb went off, and you found yourself nodding. “Ultron likely questioned them in their cells. He’s collecting something- he must be looking for something else. Something they knew about.” 

Tony pulled the lid off one of the boxes and dumped his files in a heap on his corner of the table. “First we gotta figure out what box is which. Who was in charge of filing over there? Because if we have them on staff, I want them gone.” It was hard to tell if he was joking. 

Steve was showing a little bit of his agitation as he threw a very purposeful look Tony’s way. “So what box are we looking for?” 

It was weird that you, Natasha, and Tony all spoke at the same time. “Contacts.”

But that trio-chorus seemed to put some quiet into him and he put his head down and started sifting through files. The quiet in the space was a little much to deal with, but it really wasn’t the right time to be playing music or chatting. So you just had to deal with it. And stranger still the headache that came with it. 

There was a race to see who would pull the right file. Maybe that’s what was making everyone so anxious and uncomfortable. ...no, it was probably the looming threat of war via a muderbot that also had murder-twins now accompanying him. Yeah. That was probably it. But whatever it was, everyone was bogging you down. Unintentionally and unknowingly. You just weren’t clear enough to deal with the waves being sent out from every direction. 

At the very least, Tony seemed to have pulled himself together enough to throw a strong mask up and banish his spiraling somewhere deep, deep down. It really wasn’t a good solution and it was probably going to bite the both of you later. But that would be later. Right now you had to focus… focus and read- read paragraphs of text and titles that you had to then reread five more times because you weren’t processing anything you were looking at. No help. Useless- 

“Known associates-” Steve called out, maybe about an hour after the sorting had started. So he was the lucky winner. Everyone took a handful of files out of his box. “Well. Strucker had a lot of friends.” 

Bruce nudged his glasses up, flipping quickly over a few documents. “Well these people are all horrible.” Said in such a casual way. 

It was to be expected. Hydra were terrible people themselves. It should have been no surprise the company they kept was just as abhorrent. Maybe that was an extra bad thing though, as Tony waved a hand and pointed. “Wait- we know that guy.” Bruce took the papers Tony was impatiently and silently demanding through gestures and handed them over. You shifted over in your seat when he tilted them a little closer your way. “From way back in the day. Operates off the African coast. Ringing any bells?” 

“Ugh.” Yes, you remembered the mug looking out at you from a SHIELD blacklist file. Big bulky man. South African accent encrusted with slime every time he opened his mouth. “Klaue.” You had had a few awful interactions with him. Everyone he came into contact probably did. He thought he was so much more of a hotshot than he actually was- 

“Didn’t you threaten to rip his arm off- more than once?” There was a brief and almost sweetly fond twitch of a smile on Tony’s lips as he looked at you. 

“Didn’t understand the meaning of no.” The worst type of handsy. The two of you stopped your stroll down memory lane and you looked up at the group. “Ulysses Klaue. Black market arms.” 

The wholly judgmental glare from Steve sent an uneasy ripple of exasperation through you. He was really going to have to get over himself at some point because this was really not working out right now. Tony gave one back, though, with a harsher set of steel. “There are conventions, alright. You meet people.”

Feeling the need to continue defending the both of you, “We never sold him anything.” While you didn’t say it, the thought was broadcast loudly- so you better stop looking at us like that. 

Tony pulled the folder back his way, fingers trailing down some of the lines of text. Datadumps that SHIELD had collected on him. His tone was a little wistful, “Last time I saw him he was talking about finding something new. A game changer. It was all very Ahab.” 

“If he was even telling the truth.” While, even that long ago, you hadn’t picked up deceit from him, Klaue was a man that liked to talk big and make even bigger promises that he never lived up to. “He kind of fell off the map after that.” 

Thor reached over, tapping something on the file. “What is this?” 

Tony narrowed his eyes in a small squint. “Uh- it’s a tattoo- I don’t think he- did he have this last we saw him?” Turning it around to you. 

You scrutinized the image carefully as Bruce turned away from the group to start typing at his computer. The mark you were being asked to look at was… just that. A mark. An almost angry looking red burn in his skin on the side of his neck. The answer came seconds later, “No. Definitely not.” You’d have remembered something like that.

Shifting his finger down, Thor outlined one of the black tribal tattoos on the top of Klaue’s chest. “No. These are tattoos. This is a brand.” 

Easily you found yourself nodding. “Makes sense. He probably pissed off someone he shouldn’t have.” 

A chirp came from Bruce’s computer and he tapped at his screen. “Oh, yeah. It’s a word in an African dialect meaning thief. ...uh, in a much less friendly way.” 

Putting your hands up flat, “What did I say?” There were so few victories to seize right now. You could have this one. 

Steve came around to stand behind the both of you. “What dialect?” 

Bruce sat forward a little more, trying to read off his screen. “Wakanada? Err- Wa- Wa… Wakanda?” 

Sitting back you shared a look with both Tony and Steve. This was… this had just gone from very bad to absolutely terrible. The air in the room went cold. Tony put his hand on the back of your chair. “If Klaue got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods…” 

You agreed easily with him, “Ultron wants a word with him. Definitely.” After saying this you nearly called out- mouth open- and then closing. Shoulders falling. Stopping yourself from calling JARVIS just in time. Only lucky there wasn’t enough time to feel that deep well of sadness over it. Instead you turned to your own laptop to start a trace. 

Steve was shaking his head, though. “I thought your father said he got the last of it?” 

Behind you you felt Tony shrug, and felt even more the bitterness that came with his easy dismissal. “Dad said a lot of things.” 

There was no room right now for any levity, yet Natasha tried anyway. “Look who’s talking.” 

Tony huffed out a little laugh with a drop of his head. Since he took it so well, you decided to follow up. “One of his finest traits.” 

Bruce took off his glasses just as soon as you got a hit, looking up at them. “Wait- I’m behind- I don’t follow. What comes out of Wakanda?” 

Steve shifted back, giving an almost longing glance at his shield, which was resting against one of the cabinets. But it was Tony who answered, “The strongest metal on earth.” 

Resignation buried you deep where hope was quickly dying. “Vibranium. And if Ultron gets his hands on it, we’re gonna have more problems than we know what to do with.” Something got stuck in the back of your throat and you found yourself swallowing hard. “We have- there’s a hit. I have his last known location. He’s operating out of a giant scrapyard near Johannesburg.” 

Clint, who had been sitting suspiciously quiet through all of this, got up from his spot on a nearby table. “I’ll fire up the quinjet. Everyone good to go?” 

Bruce sighed. “Like we have a choice?” 

                                                                     ---

It was too soon to be suiting up and heading back into battle, but Bruce was right. What choice did you have? If you had had any shred of optimism left, you would have been looking forward to this being the end of it. You could go to the scrapyard, find Ultron there, and put a stop to him. But… there was the possibility he wouldn’t even be there. That you’d miss him and he’d have made up with a thousand tons of vibranium. Or… maybe he would be there. And this would all go south. 

Your mind was so much of a mess that too long after takeoff, flying side by side with Tony, you realized- “Hey- are you borrowing LUNA?” His suit no longer had AI assistance. It took every last ounce of strength you had to keep your feelings to yourself so as to not damage him further. 

“Flying solo. For now.” His tone was eerily quiet. His face on your chat window on the HUD was also pretty impassive. 

But you knew better than that. There was just no time for it right now. Which was probably only making it worse. “The suits can do that?” 

“Well. They don’t pilot themselves.” You weren’t sure how you’d gotten a grin out of him, but if he wanted to use his ego as a backing board to hold himself up, that was fine. 

“Oh. So what you’re saying is I couldn’t do it.” 

“Absolutely not. No offense.” 

“None taken. Not all of us are geniuses.” Stroking said ego wasn’t going to hurt, either. 

“You’d be bored of me by now, if everyone was.” It registered, as he was quick to respond, what he was doing- 

It was probably very quiet in his suit. Maybe in general. Tony talked to JARVIS constantly. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it half the time. So until touchdown… you resolved to fill the silence for him. “Bored of you? Impossible. Speaking of… your birthday is coming up soon.” 

“Don’t remind me.” 

“Too late. Would you like to do something boring? Or something fun?” 

His eyes focused up a little on your screen, and his smile was soft. There was a gentle touch of realization. He knew what you were doing. Chatting. The reason why… “We making plans right now?” 

“I don’t see why not.” 

“Well. In that case…” 

Thank you. His gratitude was like a loving touch on your heart. Able to focus on something else for the first time since it had all happened. If only for a little while.

                                                                    ---

As the team edged up on the warehouse and LUNA alerted everyone on the main comms that Ultron was certainly inside, a plan was quickly formed. The heavy hitters were going to meet him head on. You didn’t exactly consider yourself in that subgroup, but that was where Tony was headed- and you… you wanted to face Ultron again. In the hopes that this time would go much differently. Nat and Clint were stationed to creep up on the edges and scout. And Bruce was remanded to the jet. Waiting on a code green everyone prayed wouldn’t. Especially him. 

Once the jet landed, you, Thor, Steve, and Tony worked your way up the back of the compound. Ascending up the closest set of stairs up to the balcony that Ultron was on- a shriek pierced the air. He was already doing damage- probably taking the Vibranium by force. But as the four of you got closer, you weren’t quite expecting what you heard him saying- 

“Don’t compare me with Stark! He’s a sickness!” 

That seemed to almost literally pull Tony out as the leader of the group, standing just a little bit in front of the rest of you. “Ah, junior. You’re gonna break your old man’s heart.” 

You weren’t really sure how you felt about this. About… just sort of giving in to being his creator. Was this the legacy you wanted? ...not that you had a say in it, at this point. Ultron turned, and you got a little closer to Tony’s side, spying the twins standing not too far away. Ultron set his sights on the both of you. He was… a lot different than that little broken suit in the Tower. Now sporting a big, almost beefy (if it could be called that) metal frame. “If I have to.” But no less menacing. 

“You’ve changed. Who built that for you?” Unable to help but ask. You already sort of knew the answer- 

“I built myself.” He put a hand up to his chest in an almost overly dramatic flourish. “Aren’t you proud of me? Do you like it?” You were glad that you had your helmet up. 

The face you made was not flattering. And probably would have upset him. Tony lifted his arm. “Come quietly. And we won’t have to break that, too.” 

Thor spoke up behind the two of you. “There’s no need to break anything.” 

Ultron scoffed. “Clearly you’ve never made an omelet.” 

You watched as realization- almost ...something close to impressed- dawned on Tony’s screen. “He beat me by one second.” 

One of the twins- the tall boy, Pietro- stepped a little closer out from behind the protection that was Ultron’s massive frame. “This is funny, Mr. Stark? It’s what…” Gesturing down below to a stockpile of missiles, “-it’s comfortable for you? Like old times?” 

Immediately Tony glowered, even though they couldn’t see it. But you could. “This was never my life.” 

Steve flanked Tony’s side. “You two can still walk away from this.” 

The girl, Wanda, tilted her head with a very thin smirk. “Oh we will.” 

Steve put his hand out, almost like he was reaching towards her. “I know you’ve suffered-” 

“Ugh.” You were… actually sort of glad that Ultron gave such a groan of dismissal. Now was not the time for what you assumed was playing more of the blame game. Ultron shook his head. “Captain America. God’s righteous man. Pretending you could live without a war.” He looked like he might be smiling. “I can’t physically throw up in my mouth, but-” 

Thor threw his voice forward. “If you believe in peace then let us keep it.” 

Ultron rolled those glowing red eyes of his. “I think you’re confusing peace with quiet.” 

Trying for what little sense was left- he was clearly deranged- “We can have both. Let’s talk about this.” 

Setting his sights on you, Ultron stilled, head shifting to the side, gaze piercing as he smirked. “I’d like that.” 

Tony interrupted the sudden staring. “What’s the Vibranium for?” 

Half turning, Ultron’s tone dried up. “I’m so glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan.” 

There was barely any time to react- almost like a replay of what had happened at the Tower. A few repurposed Iron Legion suits blew by Ultron, aimed at the four of you, and you put your hands up to block one flying right into you, forcing you back into the nearest wall. Chaos erupted. This time you at least had an edge. Putting your hands up you fired off a dual repulsor blast, firing right through the suit. To make sure it would stay down, you put your hands inside the hole and then pulled it apart with one clean jerk. 

Looking up, you saw Tony going hand to hand with Ultron- no way to tell who would end up the victor. Which was good. It meant Ultron hadn’t outclassed the rest of you yet. But as you jumped into flight to try and assist him- to try and give him an edge- something pulled you back down. 

Warnings started sliding up on the HUD and LUNA’s voice was not far behind, “Ma’am, the pressure on the suit is increasing!” 

“Pressure? From where?” As you asked you felt an unseen force clamping your arms and legs together- dragging you down. And as soon as you were there- 

Something else smacked directly into you and as much as three blinks of your eyes went by- and the scenery changed with each one. First the warehouse- then outside somewhere green- then somewhere much further- and before you could even react to being shunted away so fast, that same blur

Pietro you knew- Pushed you down and wrapped heavy chains around your entire body, locking you up. So tight it hurt. Even through the suit. Just the angle he was forcing your arms into. Your team was still fighting- they were yelling- Wanda was in play- she was hurting them-

But your attention was split. Once you were completely at his disposal, he stopped moving at that speed, crouching down with a smug satisfaction about him. Stupider still, just as you were about to pull your arms out with the strength of the suit, he reached for the Heart Reactor and locked his hand over it. 

The jolt that ran through him was immediate. A protocol not that long ago enacted. Your brain was a sudden whirl. You couldn’t remember if he would- all you knew was that he was being electrocuted- 

You had no idea if he would die- 

“LUNA disable the suit!” You didn’t have to ask twice. The nanotech peeled away, and the power shut off enough to allow him to fall back, twitching. It was almost counterproductive, because the next open of your mouth, you were going to ask her to reactivate- 

But another hand was on your chest from behind. Sharp and metal. Pointed talons poking your skin through your shirt before he twisted the Reactor off your chest and tossed it just a few feet away from you. Just as Ultron rounded your position and moved to crouch in front of you, Pietro rolled up onto his hands and knees, breathing hard, “You bitch-” 

Ultron sharply turned his head. “You made a careless mistake. That’s hardly her fault.” The two of them looked at each other and then he issued his next order. “Go get the other one.” 

There was a small rebuff of resentment from Pietro, but he got to his feet and blur-red off without another word. Your mouth opened to say something- anything- this was your chance to pretend you could plea to a sense of decency he probably didn’t have- but Tony was in your ear on the comm. “Natasha we could really use a lullaby.” 

Oh. Oh no. Clint’s response was quick. Ultron was watching you listen and process all of this. “That’s not gonna happen. Not for a while.” 

The next logical step was made. Tony called out for you- “Honey? I need assistance. Immediately.” The implication was or else. Or else there were going to be a lot of casualties. You understood now. Wanda had probably unleashed the Hulk. A city was very close by. 

...this was worse than you ever could have imagined. 

Though your mouth opened, Ultron reached out to tilt your chin up and close it for you. “LUNA, why don’t you take a nap?” 

She answered him. “Powering down.” 

Ultron smiled. “Good. Now we can be alone.” 

There was no way out of this but to sit here and… try and talk to him. ...that was what you wanted anyway, right? “I thought you weren’t going to talk about your evil plan?” Trying not to give away how terrified you were. How useless. Powerless. 

That cold hand reached back to push some hair away from your eyes. Tuck it behind your ear. And then he cupped the back of your head with a painful scratch at your scalp, forcing your head up higher to look him in the eyes. “Do you think I’m evil? Who’s fault would that be, I wonder? Now-” He held a finger up. “Let that sit for a minute. I want you to really think about it. Then we can chat.” 

He was so… so human. And still so very angry. 

 As he stood, he started waving his arms around and his tone became somewhat bored. “Sorry I have to put you in timeout. Circumstances being what they are… I’m sure you understand.” He was so… so very strange.

But as you were left sitting there, a little bit helpless- by design- you really couldn’t help but wonder- How were you going to fix this one?

[magic5ball]

Nature Trail to Hell Arc IV: Megamart of Darkness (9)

Chapter 9: Dropping the A-Bomb

           I just stood there, having no idea what to say or do. It was like looking in a mirror at the grim, jaded hump of crap you know you’re going to be in ten years if the scholarship doesn’t work out. It was a sight that would bring most grown men to their knees, so considering I was a little kid at the time, it was a wonder I was even standing at all.

Yet somehow, I managed to spit words.

“T-the water.” I trembled, “g-give it back.”

He looked at the glowing plastic bottle in his hand. “Sorry kid, no can do. This here’s company property now. But if you want, I’m more than willing to sit down for an adult conversation.”

The way he said those last two words made my blood freeze, no small task when the ‘sun’ was shining so bright overhead. 

He gestured over to an area at the foot of the inflatable volcano, where two plastic chairs and a table rested. On top of the table were several Red Solo cups and a bottle of Crystal Springs Bottled Water.

“Like I said, its’ been awhile since I’ve had company. Besides the Wegmart Company, that is! Ha!”

My feeble ten year old mind struggled to grapple with the fact that someday I would find jokes like that funny. One of the most horrible experiences of my life.

But what could I do? Thanks to stories from my gangster days, I knew darn well what this A-Bomb was capable of, and I wasn’t really in a position to take chances. So I followed him to the tables, trying not to think about how Bokrug should have been here by now, despite his lumbering movements.

Naturally, I didn’t make a peep. If there’s one thing I learned from comic books, its’ best not to set these friendly-lookin’ types off.

When we did get to that table, first thing the guy did was offer me some of that crisp, refreshing, bottled water. Though the heat from the lava made it really tempting, I knew I’d never be able to live with myself if I did.

“Suit yourself, kiddo.” He said, pouring a cup of his own. “We aren’t that different, you know. In fact, you’re a lot like me when I was little…”

On the outside, I stared like the teacher was about to bring the whipping stick. On the inside, I wanted to scream, because long talks with my Dad had taught me where this was going.

                                                      .   .   .

“When I was your age, I also went to a Summer Camp, it was called Camp Salmon or something like that. Anyway, the counselors running the camp were mean. Like, really, really mean, so the second I could I dashed right on out of there and into the woods. Sound familiar?”

Naturally, I didn’t say a word. Throat was too parched, anyway. A-Bomb laughed.

“Oh who am I kidding?! Of course it does! I know because Wegmart has surveillance cameras everywhere!”

He pressed something under the table, and from the ground emerged a device made from a bunch of big screen T.V.s hastily duct taped together, several flashing images of my adventures over the summer. The rest showed the frozen foods aisle, where my feathered allies were getting ‘ahem’, ‘cleaned up’ in the most gruesome way possible.

“Like you, Watterson Tostig, I went into the underworld and escaped. I too, was inducted into a gang of dinosaurs. I, too, became God of Roadside America. But at the end of the day, guys like us have to settle down and face reality. Wegmart saved me, kid, and if you’re willing, it’ll save you too.”

All that time, I didn’t turn away from the screen. I couldn’t.

“I thought I could spend the rest of my life hiding in the produce aisle. But I was foolish back then, a rogue vagrant eating grapefruit peels. Until THEY rescued we. The founders of Wegmart took my withered ghost and showed me the way to love, happiness, and most importantly, low, low prices!”

Yeah, yeah. The low, low price of a human soul!

“I was weak at first, but the kind folks at Wegmart saw my talents as a brown bagger and before I knew it, I had my own private toothpick in the faculty room! After that, they put me into production.”

Here’s the thing about young me being stoic: even at the best of times, he was kinda bad at it. Sometimes I even wonder if he had some kind of attention deficit. Not saying little me cocked an eyebrow at the mention of ‘production’, but he looked at me like I did before he went on yammering again. 

“Oh yeah! You’re not in the know of company business. Right!  See, our store used to have a 3D printer they would use to take the employee of the month and just clone him until they had an entire staff of the perfect worker! And yours truly has held the position for ten years!”

Ever since I was young enough to confuse Wegmart with Disneyland, I’d always noticed how all the brown baggers looked the same. Suddenly, everything made terrible, terrible sense. But worse was the realization that, just like those cereal box sweepstakes, the empty, dotted line cutout of a man could have easily been me!

“Shame they recalled the printer. Something about lead based ink. Or the clones having higher than normal rates of cancer. Really, I just signed the paperwork. But enough of the sad stuff, Watters! Let’s talk future! Because I’ve seen you in action and man, you’re just the kind of spunk to breathe life into this company!”

Least, I think that’s what he said. Bokrug’s running tardy was really nerving me up.

“So join me, Watterson! And let us rule the Wegmart like manager and employee!”

“No.” I whispered.

“Eh?” A-Bomb cocked an eyebrow, like he’d never heard the word in years.

And with that, I could stay silent no longer. The anger, the one that’d been boiling so steadily I me like the giant volcano we sat at the foot of, went full Krakatoa!

“Are you deaf, poophead?! I said NO!. And you know why? Because all you did was make a giant self-pity sob story for yourself, because you think that if you can drag me down with you into this Megamart of Darkness, you’ll feel better about stealing water from a bunch of geese! I’m pretty sure you could have gotten some from Rite Aid if you were willing to play fair!”

“Rite Aid doesn’t sell-“

“My point is, you’re just jealous of me because I’m not a cog in the machine like you! And that ‘we’re so alike’ bullcrap wouldn’t work on a five year old! So no, I won’t join you, because I might have sold my soul to a Tako Shak, but even I have stinking standards, you self-pitying TURD!”

A-Bomb stared at me, mouth agape for a few seconds. “T-the T-word?...”

“You heard me right, TURD!, so you better let me go unless you want more of the same! I’ll even tell my Mom, and you really don’t want to see her when she’s angry!”

“No, no, I get it…” he pushed a button under the table.

Another hole opened in the ground, and from it emerged what I can only describe as a nuclear missile made entirely of fuzzy orange Shampows.

“Your friends and family are holding you back, little bro! So how about I sweeten the deal: you join me, and I don’t rain Shampow down on your entire neighborhood!”

I tried to move, only to find myself stuck to my seat. Literally. The son of a snitch must have superglued the thing beforehand!

“So, do we have a deal?”

I didn’t say a word.

“Do. We. Have. A. Deal?”

Now I might have been a bit of a turd back in the day, but darn it, I couldn’t let an entire neighborhood get wiped from existence! Especially when the neighbor hadn’t even returned out lawnmower yet!

“Okay! Okay! I’ll join you! I’ll be your whipping boy. I’ll even stock Barbie dolls if I have to! Just don’t press hat button!”

And you know what the prick did? He kept putting his finger closer and closer to the launch button!

“But I thought you said you wouldn’t do it if I joined!”

“Foolish Watt! Your petty loyalties to the neighborhood make you weak! We must purge this from your mind so you can know true Wegmart! Just like my manager did to my neighborhood!”

But you know what the worst part was? He said this using the most condescending, prickish voice I could imagine.

Still, one thing needed clearing up.

“Hey A-Bomb? What was your neighborhood?”

Guy didn’t say a word, but the way he shut up after that spoke plenty.

“… They called it New Jersey.” He whispered.

I rolled my eyes, knowing full well it might be the last time I ever express sarcasm. Of course!

Time slowed to a crawl as I waited on the imminent destruction of everything I ever gave a crap about. Oh, I tried to see things from the half full perspective, but not even the knowledge my douchebag brother was probably going to get caught dab smack in the middle of the detonation zone passed out on the couch watching teen drama reruns could compensate for everything. At least A-Bomb was taking his sweet time pressing, probably so he could rub it in more.

In fact, he was taking a lot of sweet time. (Granted five minutes is pretty long for a ten year old, but still!) Then I noticed he was pressing the detonation button multiple times, each time faster and more flustered. I looked up, wondering if the Lord himself had intervened on behalf of little old me, even after everything. 

In fact, my salvation had come in the form of a certain goose, who grinned triumphantly, a plug and wire in his beak, machine gun cradled in his wings.

“Bokrug!”

The noble bird spit out the plug, beaming with triumph despite being so plucked of feathers he was practically naked. A-Bomb was, on the other hand, for the first time since I saw him feeling something other than calm, collected, or several other words you find in yoga advertisements. His face turned so red I figured he’d explode any minute, just like his namesake.

“YOU!” he leapt up from his seat, facing down the glorious gander. ”I had ONE chance to find happiness! ONE chance to have somebody to share this miserable job! Years of planning, plotting, scheming, and with one bite you ruined it!” He unsheathed those golf clubs from his back. “Do you know what its’ like to run a store with only clones of yourself?! With everyone knowing exactly what you do?! Its’ so, so BOORIIINNGGG!”

“Then perhaps you should have found a happiness that did not require the suffering of another.” He bared his beak, bits of Wegmart technology still stuck in them. “Or technology easily damaged by the humblest of beaks.” like he was emphasizing the point, he cocked the machine gun, maing probably the world’s most satisfying click. 

“Who do you think you are, my Mom?!” He spun his golf clubs around, making a combination of kung-fu poses and noises that could only be described as either really stupid or really racist. Possibly both.

“Bokrug-kun! You have brought great dishonor upon my house. Prepare to die!” he cried in the phoniest Japanese accent I ever heard.

“I’m Egyptian, you a$$hole!”

With a guttural roar, the waterfowl from hell charged in kind, raining bullets like hellfire.

It was the awesomest f*cking thing I ever saw.

[bpro-cardstories]

Kazuna Masunaga SSR

2019 ー Mysterious Morning [不思議な朝]

“ ......It’s a snow dome.”

『 Event: The Promised Christmas (19th - 26th December 2019) ���

Part 1

Kazuna: ‘........’ 

Kazuna: ‘Nnn…..cold….’ 

Kazuna: ‘........Oh…...It’s already this late…..? Did I fall asleep twice….? Fuwahh…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘......? Somehow, it’s strangely quiet….’ 

Kazuna: ‘Is everyone still asleep…..? They were tired after the live, so it’s not impossible. Though they should slowly wake up and get ready…..’ ______

Kazuna: ‘Good morning, Mikado, in a bit it will be noon. Are you fine not getting ready?’ 

Kazuna: ‘........Mikado?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh…. He’s not here.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Momo?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Hikaru? …...Tatsuhiro?’ 

Kazuna: ‘........Nobody’s here…..? Why……’ 

Kazuna: ‘Ah,….. right. Everyone has their solo works today…..’

Kazuna: ‘......I forgot, how weird. I’m kind of absent-minded….’  

Kazuna: ‘Eehm, I’m free until the evening, so….. I’m supposed to join up with everyone before the live broadcast’s rehearsal.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I still have time until then….. Perhaps I should prepare things in advance.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Uhm, my bag wasーー’ 

Before he can continue there is a loud noise. 

Kazuna: ‘Waah!?’ 

Kazuna: ‘What was that sound just now…… From the veranda maybe. What’s there…..’ 

ーKnock knockー

Kazuna: Eh, again……!?’ 

Kazuna: ‘True, it came from there?’

ーKnock knockー

Kazuna: Eh! It looks like the door is opened…..? It can’t be, a thief…..!?’ 

Kazuna: ‘......What should I do? Is there something I can use as a weaponーー’ 

Kazuna: ‘Ah…...Tatsuhiro, sorry, I’m going to borrow your roller…..! Alright…..!’ 

Kazuna: ‘Stop there!’ 

Goshi: ‘Uooh!?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh!?’

Goshi: ‘That’s dangerous…..! What are you swinging that thing around!?’ 

Kazuna: ‘G-Goshi…..!? What in the world are you doing here…..?’ 

Part 2

Goshi: ‘What are you doing? Isn’t that a roller for muscle training.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh. Because I thought that it’s a thief, I looked for something to use…..’ 

At his explanation, Goshi has to laugh. 

Goshi: ‘You tried to confront them with such a thing? You’re unexpectedly unreasonable.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Ahaha….. I wonder, should I buy a bat for crime prevention next time.’

Goshi: ‘Do that. Well, anyway, sorry for making you all nervous. MooNs asked me to go take a look at your condition.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh, they did?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. This morning, no matter how many times they woke you up, you didn’t react. They’ve been wondering if you’re okay ever since they arrived at the location.’ 

Goshi: ‘It was incredibly urgent, so I rushed to see you.’ 

Kazuna: ‘So it was like that….. S-Sorry, okay?’ 

Goshi: ‘No….. But in fact, there was no response when the chime was ringing, same for the phone, so I got impatient as well.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I got a phone call? I didn’t notice at all.’ 

Goshi: ‘Thought so. That’s why I came from thereーー’ 

Kazuna: ‘W-Wait a minute. Goshi, you just came from the veranda, right? You didn’t possibly walk along the veranda!?’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. I thought countless times if I slip I'll die.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Die….. Why did you do such an unreasonable thing!?’ 

Goshi: ‘No, well, even if I’d fallen today, I thought how it would turn out. Did you take a look outside?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Outside?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Uwah, what amazing snow….!’ 

Goshi: ‘It’s heavily snowing since morning, and piled up tens of centimeters.’ 

Kazuna: ‘A-Amazing….. To have so much snow in Tokyo.’ 

Goshi: ‘Things like the biggest observation in history, or unheard of such heavy snow, so it says in the news.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Indeed, when it’s like this you can’t drive the car at all, and it seems like you can’t leave the mansion as well…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘Ah, the live broadcast…..! What should we do, with this snow? Even if we leave now, we may not make it on time…..’ 

Goshi: ‘If it’s that, don’t worry about it. The special program went by the board, you know. Because of this snow, every station changed to news programs.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I-I see…… That’s good to hear…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘Could it be, I also was contacted. I’ll have to check my phone.’ 

Goshi: ‘Yeah. But before that, the entrance.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh?’ 

Goshi: ‘Open it.’ ______

Kento: Oh, you two are still alive.’ 

Goshi: ‘Ah? What do you mean.’ 

Ryuji: ‘I’m glad. Kazu, you were safe.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Masunaga-san…..! I was so worried.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Sorry. It looks like I was in a deep sleep…. But, what is everyone doing here?’ 

Miroku: ‘We were also left behind at the mansion.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Left behind?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘That is right, to be hoー achoo.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘......I-I am sorry.’ 

Kazuna: ‘No, the hallway is cold. For now, come in, everyone.’ 

Part 3

Kazuna can’t stop getting surprised. A lot of weird things are happening…..

Kazuna: ‘The blackout is happening everywhere, so the traffic lights aren’t working as well….? I understand, that means you can’t go outside. Yesterday night was also a blackout, in addition to the already busy December, it’s terrible.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘I was able to confirm everyone’s safety but what happens from now on is completely uncertain.’ 

Ryuji: ‘If something happens, they will contact Tsubasa. Instead of being scattered, it’s better to be together, I think.’ 

Kazuna: ‘That’s true. Feel free to use anything in here, I don’t mind. Please feel at home, everyone.’ 

Kento: ‘Then, I shall accept your offer. Kazuna, can you light some relaxing aroma for me?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh?’ 

Ryuji: ‘How nice, please do so.’ 

Kazuna: ‘O-Okay. Then something like lavender and rose geraniumーー’

Kazuna: ‘Eh, Goshi and Miroku-kun, what are you doing?’ 

Miroku: ‘It’s a new training.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Amazing….. Springing and jumping…..’ 

Goshi: ‘It’s effective for the triceps.’ 

Miroku: ‘Fuu…..As expected of Kaneshiro-san, you remembered fast.’ 

Goshi: ‘Of course. Sumisora, you do it too.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes, I will!’ 

Kazuna: ‘Even Sumisora-san…..!?’ 

Kento: ‘Kazuna, your phone’s vibrating.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Ah, thanks.’ 

Kazuna: ‘......! It’s a JOIN message from MooNs. The confusion at the location seems to have calmed down considerably.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Here too, I just got a message! Thanks to Yuta-kun and Kitakado-san’s as well as the staff’s instructions, they seem to be able to meet the situation. Ah…..Akane-kun and the others too, it looks like there is no problem.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I see. Good to hear…..’ 

Ryuji: ‘......Eh? Kento, what are you doing?’ 

Kento: ‘No, there’s just a BluRay here that interests me.’ 

Miroku: ‘You do as you please, huh. Were you relieved when you heard Yuta-kun is safe?’ 

Kento: ‘Not really. In the first place, I wasn’t that worried about it. He’s the type who, even if stuck in the snow, makes a snowman at the spot and can play for hours.’ 

Kento: ‘More importantly, is this a Christmas movie? I’ve never seen this title before.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I wonder. Who borrowed it…..? Since we still have time, shall we watch it if it interests you?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Alright. And, play.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Waah….. The illuminations of the residential area are beautiful.’

Ryuji: ‘Yep, it has an American Christmas feeling. …..Fufu, Santa has come, huh. The children sure are in high spirits.’ 

Miroku: ‘Over there, it’s more common to spend Christmas with the family. So there are a lot more family movies than love stories. In Japan as well, there is the image of when children are small they spend Christmas with the family…. How is it with Masunaga-san’s family?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh? At home…. You’re right, it probably was like that.’ 

Kento: ‘Hm…..? Doesn’t the hero look like Momo?’

Kazuna: ‘Eh?’ 

Momotaro: ‘「It’s delicate glasswork…. However, why is it an apple for Christmas?」’

Kazuna: ‘True….! But, did he do such work?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Eh, did you forget? It is a movie from last year, starring Momo-kun.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh? Starring…...Wait, in America…..?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Yes.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I see….. If you say so and saw it, it seems to be like that….?’ 

Goshi: ‘Are you fine? You are weird today.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Hmm…..’ 

Momotaro: ‘「Everyone, are these the ornaments to decorate the tree with?」’

Ryuji: ‘Tree….. Ah, right!’ 

Ryuji: ‘There’s something I want to show everyone. Do you mind coming to our room for a bit?’ 

Part 4

Kazuna: ‘Wah,......Wow. It’s a mountain of presents.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘They are lined up under the tree, it looks like in the movie from earlier!’ 

Ryuji: ‘Tomo prepared one for everyone. I just looked at JOIN, should we don’t come today, then it’s fine to open them beforehand.’ 

Kento: ‘Hee, how smart of him. Hm….There are names written on the cards.’ 

Goshi: ‘Shingari, this is yours.’ 

Miroku: ‘Thank you very much. Ah, it’s a Mendako plush toy….. How cute.’ 

Goshi: ‘Mine is…… Isn’t this the Big Burger special sauce. You don’t get this one anymore. That guy, he has a good taste.’ 

Kento: ‘Eyelash serum and hair oil….. As expected of Tomo, he understands me.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘He even prepared something for me, that makes me happy.’ 

Kazuna: ‘................’ 

Ryuji: ‘Won’t you open yours, Kazu?’ 

Kazuna: ‘That’s not the case…… Rather, I feel bad.’ 

Ryuji: ‘Tomo wanted to that, so don’t think like that. Isn’t it fine? Here, he went out of his way to buy it, open it.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Yeah…..You’re right. Then…..’ ____

Kazuna: ‘Oh…..’ 

Miroku: ‘What was in there?’ 

Kazuna: ‘......It’s a snow dome.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Beautiful….. What delicate and artistic work.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Why did he…..?’ 

Ryuji: ‘Kazu? What are you this surprised for?’ 

Kazuna: ‘.......Yeah. Because this is….. It’s something I wanted from when I was small.’ 

Kazuna: ‘......My father bought it as a souvenir from his business trip. I received something different, and my big brother this snow dome.’ 

Kazuna: ‘The glittering sparkles in my brother’s hands looked so dazzling…. I was envious of him. I was soothed by the thought of when I get a bit bigger I will go buy a snow dome. And was looking forward to it…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘In the end, I didn’t get it at all. Well, I forgot about it until just now.’

Tsubasa: ‘So that is what happened….’ 

Goshi: ‘To get something like this as a present, it surely is surprising then.’ 

Ryuji: ‘Tomo, he has this miraculous side to him, hasn’t he. He casually realizes a wish you’ve never spoken about until now….’  

Ryuji: ‘Perhaps, he is Santa’s reincarnation?’ 

Miroku: ‘.....I can’t really imagine a beard wearing Kitakado-san.’ 

Goshi: ‘Haha…..’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu.’ 

Kazuna: ‘....Hehe.’ 

Kento: ‘Stop it, Miroku. I’ll probably have to laugh if I imagine it.’

Ryuji: ‘Ahaha. Isn’t it fine, a bearded Tomo.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Fufu, I’m a bit interested in seeing it.’ 

Kazuna: ‘.....Oh? Who’s in the kitchen?’

Ryuji: ‘Eh? Aah, it’s about time, huh.’ 

Kazuna: ‘About time…. This smell, stew….?’ 

Kento: ‘Oh, don’t you like stew, Kazuna?’ 

Kazuna: ‘......No, that’s not it. It’s nostalgic somehow. When I was small, my mother made stew at Christmas. This smell is similar to back then….’ 

Miroku: ‘Similar? Isn’t it the same?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh…. No way, it can’t be.’ 

Tsubasa: ‘How about it. Why don’t you go there and take a look to understand?’

Kazuna: ‘Understand…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘......Impossible, could…. my mother be there?’ 

Kazuna: ‘......Hey.’ 

????: ‘Not yet. Just a bit longer, Kazunaーー’ 

Kazuna: ‘........!’ ______________

????: ‘......der…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘........Eh……’ 

Part 5

Hikaru: ‘.......derー, I said leader!’ 

Kazuna: ‘........!’ 

Hikaru: ‘Wah, he woke up!’ 

Momotaro: ‘Good morning, leader.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh,..... every-one…..?’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘Yeah. Why are you so surprised.’ 

Mikado: ‘It’s slowly becoming noon. To oversleep at a time like this, it’s quite rare for you, leader.’ 

Momotaro: ‘Even though there’s still time until the live broadcast, it’s better to wake up soon.’ 

Kazuna: ‘The live broadcast……. But, the snow.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Oh? It’s not snowing…..’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘No matter how you look at it, it’s sunny.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Ahaha, are you half asleep?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Half asleep…..’ 

Kazuna: ‘......I see it was a dream. Something was weird I thought.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Hmm? Leader, are you okay?’

Kazuna: ‘Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for waking me up. Did I perhaps made you worried?’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘No, we just thought how rare it was. Well, you must be tired from the past days.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Truth is, you could have continued to sleep. Though because it’s Christmas, I want to eat together with everyone~ I thought.’ 

Mikado: ‘That’s right! And, Momotasu made stew for us.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Aah….. That’s why the nice smell.’ 

Momotasu: ‘Because it’s cold today. It surely will warm your body.’ 

Kazuna: ‘Haha…..I see. Thanks, Momo.’ 

Hikaru: ‘Ah, right! Leader, were you able to receive the snow dome?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Eh?’ 

Hikaru: ‘In your sleep-talking, you said I want it~, that’s why I’m curious about it.’ 

Kazuna: ‘I-I did?’ 

Momotaro: ‘Yeah. We couldn’t clearly hear it but you said something like that.’ 

Kazuna: ‘You were surprised, you laughed, made a sad face…. You looked busy somehow.’

Hikaru: ‘But in the end he gently laughed, right?’ 

Mikado: ‘Yeah, it was a really happy face. What in the world did you dream about?’ 

Their talk makes him speechless for a second. It sounds too absurd to be true. 

Kazuna: ‘..................’ 

Kazuna: ‘Hmー......I forgot.’

Hikaru: ‘Ehー!? Even though you just woke up!? I’m getting worried……!’

Kazuna: ‘Ahaha, sorry.’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘Well, it’s like that with dreams.’ 

Mikado: ‘But I’m curious. Was it a good dream?’ 

Kazuna: ‘Fufu, I wonder. More importantly, that’s a really nice smell. I will also help to set the table.’

END

[emsysquared]

Top 10 Things I Learned From Artist Alleys

Hi guys! I thought I’d write a post on some things I’ve learned from selling my own art at artist alleys over the years & talking to fellow artists, as it’s something I’ve wanted to discuss and thought people would be interested. This isn’t really an Artist Alley 101 guide, as I wrote this in mind for both for beginners and veterans, because even if you’ve been tabling for years, there are things about the artist alley scene that can keep changing, or things you never knew about. Hope this helps!

LONG POST IS LONG WARNING

10. Bigger doesn’t always mean better – people keep thinking this, but it’s not always true.

Smaller conventions are easier to talk to attendees/artists because there’s often slow periods, and are good if if they’re local and you need a place to start. You can also get away with having only a few things to sell and if it doesn’t go well it won’t be a huge loss. Smaller cons tend to also have a lower table cost, and because the artist alley is smaller, it’s easier to “stand out”. Probably because of this, I’ve heard some cases where some people have made the same amount of profits from certain small cons vs. big cons, meaning, they actually got more sales per person at the smaller con.

Bigger conventions CAN command big bucks and keep you busier with sales because there’s more attendees and potentially more money to go around. However, they are also more competitive: if all you have is ONE print when everyone else around you has huge displays, you risk people passing by you because they may think you don’t have anything of interest to offer. As an example, maybe at the small con, your Overwatch solo D.Va print was the only one there and it did well, but at a big con, 20 other artists could also have similar D.Va prints and are now competing with each other, which is something you should consider.

Every con is different so when researching, you want to take into consideration the ratio of artist/vendor tables available in conjunction to attendee count, events/guests, and the con environment.

With both cons, if you frequent the same ones, try to keep things fresh and make new stuff or else you risk oversaturating your market and having people come up to your table thinking “I’ve seen that same poster 3 years already, and I already have it. What’s new?”

9. Just because something is popular doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll sell right away – there’s a fine line between “it’s popular so fans will buy it” and “it’s popular but it’s oversaturated because everyone and their mom drew it and it won’t sell unless you differentiate your work from everyone else”. I’d argue if you’re passionate about a series and it just happens to be popular, go for it! You should draw what you like, because it’ll show in how you interact with other fans and the effort you put into it.

If you’re only drawing for the popularity, well, there’s a bit of debate about this. And let’s be honest, some of us need to pay bills. I’ll argue if you ONLY draw whatever is popular to sell out, it can reflect in the quality of your work and make you unmemorable (and you can still risk it not selling), but hey, you do you. But drawing only niche things may also be tricky, since the fans are probably very passionate, but few in number. Sometimes finding a balance between both can work, but at the end of the day, it’s up to you to decide what path you want to take. Most artists start out doing fanart as it’s easier for someone to walk up to your table if they recognize their favorite character than a table full of random OCs standing in a backgroundless void. But that’s not to say originals can’t sell because....

8. Originals sell! Don’t be afraid to make original content – this might shock some of you but original merchandise DOES sell, according to many successful anecdotal stories from artists and art friends who’ve done it, and a lot of people have said it is very rewarding, especially when you consider how prevalent fanart is. However, originals can be harder to sell – it will highly depend on the subject matter you’re drawing and attendees at certain cons may be more or less receptive to them than others, so you may have to try different cons to find your market. What has worked for others may not work for you. You might even need time to develop a consistency with your work so people know what to expect from you.

There are also a few conventions out there, such as Otakon, which do require you to have a certain % of originals when you apply for their artist alley, so there’s that.

7. Have stuff with different price points at your table – my personal opinion is “Do not do print-only tables” but I know there are artists out there who DO command good profits only selling prints and posters of their artwork.

But why I say this is because (especially at anime cons) there are usually younger kids who don’t have much disposable income or don’t have a lot of wall space and thus, can’t always afford big $20 posters, which is where having smaller items like charms and buttons can help as impulse purchases. It may take you 10 purchases of $2 buttons to reach that equivalent amount, but if you do get enough sales they’ll add up. Plus, it’s easier for some people to make use of charms and buttons. 

Prints are still good because the profit margin is better and they're a way for your audience to see your "portfolio" and art style from afar. At larger cons where there’s a sea of artists, having many prints can help others see what you have or help find your table from a distance. Try and stick to common print sizes such as 11x17 inches, 8.5x11, 4x6 or 5x7, mostly on the basis that they’re easier to frame.

One thing - unless you plan on traveling to many conventions in your life, you do NOT need to print 50+ copies of each print if all you do is table at your small local con once a year. You will regret it and be stuck with them until you die (I’m not kidding). Unless a piece has proven to you it’s a best seller, I recommend printing 5-10 copies a print, 2-4 if you aren’t confident. You can always reprint more if they sell well, or replace them with newer prints.

Comic cons I hear are a little different, as their audience is usually older, but I can’t say much about them since I never actually vended at one before.

6. You gotta spend money to make money – You wanna make cool stuff like charms, lanyards, enamel pins? A button maker to make your own buttons? A dealer’s room spot instead of a regular artist alley table? Travel to cons outside your city? Heck, just buying table display stuff and getting new prints? That all costs money, bruh. This might require you save up, and some people I know even use their day job to help fund them to afford nice things. But artist alley IS also a business, and if you want your business to grow, you’ll need to take risks and invest in it. However, know that this should happen gradually over time and NOT overnight. If you literally have no previous experience selling your art and knowing what worked for you, do NOT carelessly throw down money to make every fancy merchandise imaginable.

5. Talk to people and engage with attendees! I say this because I’ve seen quite a few artists who are great at their craft, but aren’t good at business at all. Even if you aren’t confident about your work, still strive to be as professional as possible. And be your own cheerleader/salesman to your art! If the con is slow, don’t ignore customer’s questions by playing mobile games on your phone. People get energy off of you, and if you happen to seem like you hate people, attendees pick up on that. A lot of people who go to anime cons can be introverted/shy as well, so just saying hi and ask how they’re enjoying the con is a good start to engage with them! If you notice they’re cosplaying a character, tell them you like their cosplay or happen to have that character as a button! You’d be surprised some people may not know you offer a product because they overlooked it.

I usually let customers browse the table without bothering them, as people get uncomfortable if you’re being too desperate with sales.

4. Displays and Table Placement matter- Your table placement at a convention can dictate a HUGE majority of your sales, and how you display yourself also counts as well. You could have amazing art, but maybe your table is in some back corner where it’s not getting enough foot traffic compared to the people in the front. Additionally, if you have merchandise hidden behind other merch, other people can’t see it as they walk by. Presentation is important, there are so many possibilities you can do to make your table look nice.

The most common way people display their prints are usually either by using grid cubes, photography stands or PVC pipes with clamps. All of these have their pros and cons, and some artists even use a combination of the 3.

3. Cons are extremely volatile. Artist alley is NOT a place to “get rich quick” – To be blunt (and unfortunately, speaking from personal experience), you can’t predict when you’ll get dicked over by a badly-run con. No two cons are the same, and the same convention can even vary from year to year, depending on things like how it was run by staff, its location, when it was held, etc. At one con, you may sell out of prints. At another, only your commissions do well. Even something as simple as a venue change and increasing the amount of artist/vendor tables can affect sales. You can only prepare as much as you can and hope you survive the rainy days.

I used to think as you got older and sold at more artist alleys, your profits could only go up and boy was I wrong with that notion. The realest piece of advice I’ve learned is seeing seasoned veterans (who are used to making 4-digit profits or artists who have done this for over 7 years) having times where they hit a bad con and don’t even break even. If you’ve never had a terrible con before, you are either very lucky or you have not vended at enough different cons to experience this. 

A lot of different factors can come into play, and while some you can’t control, think of the ones that you can – was your setup bad? What do you see other attendees buying? Or maybe was this your first con in a completely different area and it caught you off guard?  If you feel your art was lacking, don’t lose confidence. Look at it as an opportunity to find yourself again, and work hard on your craft so you can show everyone at your next event “hey, this is the new and improved me! Look at how far I’ve come!”

2. Artist alleys can be stressful and are getting more competitive, but it’s important to develop a thick skin to keep moving on – I should clarify this, AA should NOT be a sea of cutthroat competition because every con has its mix of those starting out, the veterans who have been doing this for 10 years, and everyone else in between. And everyone has something different to bring to the table. However, the fact is… artist alleys are getting competitive each year just to GET IN. At some popular cons, there’s always more applicants than tables available, and you can’t take it personally when 1,000+ people are in a lottery for 90 tables.

As artists, we are always our worst critics as well, just because art can be highly personable to us. There’s a lot of things that can go wrong in the moment. Maybe you got more commissions than you can handle. Your new merchandise didn’t arrive on time. Or you worry your art isn’t “sellable”. All of these can be pretty frustrating and question your self-worth as an artist. But just know you are not alone, all of us have had those moments at least once, maybe even multiple times in our lives. Sometimes you just have to keep marching on, despite things. And if you need time to step away to take a breather, go ahead and take care of yourself first.

1. … But you keep wanting to do them because they are also one of the best experiences you can have as a creative – despite the above, artist alleys have been an integral part of my growth as an artist. Seeing what everyone has to offer has challenged me to keep improving my art and helped me meet fellow artist friends thru our comradery of shared experiences, interests, and stresses. It’s very easy to feel dejected, but if you can keep pushing thru, you’ll probably benefit the most than those who give up at the slightest hint of being butthurt. The artist alley life isn’t exactly easily, but it’s heartwarming when you have moments where “doing what you love” and “drawing what you like” feel like it paid off.

Don’t feel bad if your first shows don’t go logistically or financially great! I never realized how lucky I was that my first AA, I broke even AND made profit, because many apparently don’t. Go into it as an opportunity to market your work, meet other artists and customers, and figure out what people like about your art. Artist alley is not for everyone, but if you find that you’re growing to love it despite the hiccups, keep going! My AA experience isn’t as extensive as others, but I hope with this, this is my way of giving back to the artist alley community that helped me grow as an artist.

 If you’re still worried if you’re “good enough” to do artist alley, here’s my final advice: just do it, bruh. 

[wannawrite]

Are You Jealous?

Wanna One’s Lai Guanlin X Reader

Fluff, angst 

TW: use of explicit language 

Word count: 3062

• you’re jealous

• boyfriend! Guanlin 

• ft. created solo idol, Hung Aeri  

• ft. mY CUBE CHICKS DEBUTING TOGETER 

hEeyy tiME TO TAKE ON MY BIAS AGAIN i love soft guanlin, thERE’S A LACK OF GUANLIN IN MY LIFE Fun fact: Guanlin has wrecked Sanggyun and Justin for the place of bias when it was still broduce 101 days….actually I was inCreDIBLY JUSTIN AND YUEHUA OBSESSED IN GENERAL pls stan them and go support my TOPPDOGG sons ;) 

__________ 

Hung Aeri. 

You’ve known her for majority of your life, being classmates in high school and even sharing the same lunch table. It didn’t come as a shock when you found out she had debuted under Cube Entertainment as a solo idol, the whole school knew just how talented she was. She could sing and dance well and her bubbly and kind personality was incredibly attractive, it was the icing on the cake. 

Aeri never forgot her friends even though she had the busiest schedule, the two of you had gone out to try a new waffle bar recently. She even invited you over to her house, just for old times’ sake. You often found yourself waiting outside Cube’s studio in the evening for her and you would go out for dinner together. On occasion, Aeri would invite other trainees or artists. 

She practically introduced you to your current boyfriend, Lai Guanlin. He was a tad bit shy and awkward at your first dinner out as friends, Aeri only made the situation worse as she kept winking and sending sending suggestive looks but he warmed up to you and grew to love you. You owed Aeri so much, she pretty much got your life plan on track. 

So why were you feeling so bitter when Guanlin told you he would be working on a track with her? 

 It hurt, deep down inside. 

As much as you wanted to be happy and as excited as they were, you couldn’t bring yourself to, yet you still faked a smile and congratulated your friends. Guanlin was anticipating the song so much, his debut with Seonho would be happening soon and this would definitely give them a boost as Aeri was a well known singer already. 

“Jagi, why the sad face?” Guanlin poked the sides of your face, grinning. You were curled up on his couch in his living room…in his huge castle-like house. He had invited you over to hangout, nothing much. 

Your mind drifted to how many times he had brought Aeri over. 

Snap out of it Y/N, you scolded yourself. Let’s not think about that. 

You smiled back at Guanlin and reached for his hand. “Nothing, just a bit busy with school, that’s all. Final years are tougher than they look.” Your eyes caught a peep of something that was well hidden by his sweater sleeve, it seemed like ink. Tentatively, you pushed the material back to reveal a realistic looking tattoo. You gasped, glaring at Guanlin. He only chuckled, “Y/N, calm down. It’s only a temporary one. Aeri noona and I got bored and stuck on one part of the song so we looked temporary tattoos up and ordered some ink. Do you like it? Aeri noona did this one for me!” His smile only seemed to widen the more he talked about Aeri. 

Ahhh, the multi talented Hung Aeri. You remembered the times when the teacher caught her doodling in her sketchpad during classes and since you sat next to her, your hand often became a drawing block. She was very quick with small scribbles but the one she did on Guanlin’s arm was intricate and clearly took quite some time. 

The jealously monster in you was being fed very well today. “Ahh, Aeri unnie is good at these kind of things. Yes, it’s very pretty,” you praised, and it was the first truth in awhile. 

Guanlin tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Never as gorgeous as you,” he declared. “Nothing will ever compare.“ 

You blushed at his cheesy words but that didn’t help the guilt and envy bubbling inside of you.

… 

"Hi! I’m a friend of Hung Aeri and Lai Guanlin. I brought them some cupcakes, could you pass them-”

“Just go in. They’re in studio four.” The annoyed staff who sat behind the counter typing absolutely nothing on her laptop said, dismissing you without a reply.

You rolled your eyes once you were pass the counter, what great security they have here. Or…it could be that you’ve visited too many times everyone here knows you by name. Still, shouldn’t they at least check my ID or get me to sign in? Nevermind. 

“Huh? Y/N!" 

You nearly jumped at the loud exclamation that was made, then realised who it was. 

It was your other good friend, Yoo Seonho. 

"Hello Y/N! You look very pretty today,” Seonho complimented, nearly knocking you over with his famous bear hugs. 

“Aye, you’re only complimenting me because I have cupcakes with me but thank you,” you replied, but softly because Seonho was squeezing the life out of you.

“I missed you Y/N! I’ve been working hard on our debut song! Do you want to hear it?” Seonho offered, taking your arm and strolling to his workroom anyway. 

You laughed and agreed to listen to the song. Knowing how much effort the boys put into it, it was bound to be worth it. Just as you predicted, the music was melodious, it was perfect. “It’s amazing! You will do so well! I’m so proud of you, Seonho,” you praised. “I’ll buy you another box of cupcakes!" 

Seonho perked up at this. "Really? You will?" 

You nodded your head with vigour. "Let’s go right now!”

… 

You felt a sharp nudge in the ribs as you were paying for the cupcakes, you opened your mouth to reprimand Seonho but he put a finger over his lips and bobbed his head to the left. You took a glance at whatever he was looking at.

Aeri. 

Guanlin. 

The two walked close together, giggling and whispering to each other with coffees in hand and her bag in Guanlin’s. They walked pass the cupcake shop Seonho and you were in but barely looked away from each other to take note of their surroundings. 

Your eyes nearly turned green with envy, it took a lot of effort to play it cool.

They’re just friends, Y/N. you reminded yourself. It’s nothing you should be worried about. 

You took Seonho’s arm and walked out of the shop. Guanlin and Aeri had disappeared long ago and you guessed it was back to Cube. 

Whatever. 

“Y/N…” Seonho began in a small voice. When he had caught your attention, he continued. “Are-are you jealous of Aeri noona?" 

The response was immediate, you shot him an ‘oh, c'mon’ look. "What? No way. They’re friends too and I’m super excited for their track! My best friends are working on it together! It really couldn’t be any better. I’m not.” You said it loudly in an attempted to convince yourself too. 

Seonho eyed you, slightly alarmed by your outburst but he shook it off. 

It was a silent journey back to the Cube building - minus Seonho already ripping open his box of cupcakes and devouring them. 

You were refreshing your message inbox, hoping for a message from Guanlin but of course, there was none. 

“You shouldn’t lie to yourself Y/N. I know you are not okay with it.” Seonho’s words cut through the quietness like a knife. 

The both of you reached Cube’s front door, Seonho pushed it open. 

Your jaw dropped. Was I that transparent? But I’m really okay with it. You twiddled your thumbs together. 

“Y/N….you can never lie to me,” Seonho said. 

“Am I that bad?” You asked, ashamed. 

Seonho shook his head and smiled. “No, I’m just one very observant friend. Have you gotten past Guanlin hyung or Aeri noona with your lies?" 

You had to think hard about that one. 

"I think they knew but let it drop. This isn’t something you can let go easily. It’s hard but trust me, Guanlin wouldn’t cheat on you. Believe that." 

Then Seonho spun away and vanished into his workroom with his box of cupcakes like he was never standing in front of you. 

Your mind wandered to what your good friend had said. 

Am I jealous? 

… 

The answer to your question came on Thursday night when Guanlin called you just before you fell asleep. 

You had answered in delight, wanting to talk to him too and it was a rare moment for his busy schedule kept him occupied every minute. You didn’t understand how he could balance so well, it was a blessing. 

However, your happiness was short lived and so was the call. 

Your boyfriend had only called to tell you that he wouldn’t be able to make it for Friday’s date night. He sounded regretful, apologetic and exhuasted so you let it go and told him to rest. Guanlin told you he was still in the studio, still working on the track. You asked about Aeri as you hadn’t talked to her in a long time too. Guanlin replied with a simple ‘she’s tired too but we’re happy to be working together. We’re more than just colleagues now. She misses you as well,”. 

He ended the call and you couldn’t help but have a restless night, knowing that both your friends were beyond bone-tired but still worked so hard. Unable to sleep, you checked Guanlin’s Snapchat story at 1.43 am and found that they were recording, it made you smile. But you couldn’t help but feel you were left out, Aeri had brought along tons of fantastic snacks that seemed to vanish quickly. 

You aren’t an artist Y/N, you’re just a college student. Sigh, look at Aeri unnie, so perfect, so slim and pretty. She can sing and dance well too, what are you? Guanlin probably deserves someone better… someone like Aeri. He’s probably happier with her. 

Aeri’s story was updated at 3.27 am with a picture that made your stomach churn and heart crack. 

It appeared they were spending the night at the studio, she and Guanlin had built a pillow fort and were cuddling inside of it. 

You had never done that with Guanlin. 

There was a video uploaded fifteen minutes later. You tapped on it. 

“Sigh, Guanlin offered to crash at his house since my apartment would be locked by now but I can’t do that to him,” she said and you couldn’t help but notice the terrible eye bags under her eyes and the close proximity between them. She zoomed in on Guanlin’s face, he held up a peace sign. “Goodnight Snapchat." 

It wasn’t a good night for you. You could feel the bitterness bubbling and threatening to spill.

…

Guanlin’s parents ushered you into the house, they were apologetic that they had to leave for a wedding dinner soon but promised to talk another time. 

You loved his parents. 

And so did they. 

You waited for Guanlin to come home, he had left for the studio again in the morning but today was one of the last days so he would be returning early. You texted him to say that you were in his room. 

Saturdays passed by lazily, all you wanted to do was cuddle with Guanlin so he would get some sleep. 

He probably has Aeri for that. 

No, stop it Y/N.

It was around 6 pm when he arrived home, you heard the opening and closing sound of the gate and doors. 

Something puzzled you, Guanlin seemed to be talking to someone. He pushed open the door and spotted you sitting at his desk, his eyes widened in surprise. "Y/N?" 

"Hey, how have you been?” You approached him for a hug which he gave half heartedly. 

“Uh, good. Why are you here? When did you get here?” He looked just as confused as you were. 

“I sent you a text? Did you not get it?” Guanlin scrolled through his phone and nodded. “No, sorry. I did. Aeri noona was playing with my phone just now. I’m sorry Y/N." 

You dismissed it with a wave of your hand and wished all that pent up jealously and guilt would too. "Is she downstairs?” You asked. 

Guanlin nodded, “But not for long. She just wanted to drop a gift off then she’s leaving. You should go say hi,” he added. 

Your 'hi’ wouldn’t be so friendly and you really didn’t want to hurt her.

Thankfully, Aeri yelled a cheerful goodbye and slammed the door shut just as you were halfway down the stairs. 

Guanlin had changed out into a more comfortable set of clothes, grey sweatpants and a black sweater. He sat on his bed and pat the space next to him, inviting you to join him.

A comfortable yet constrained silence settled between you and him. 

“Y/N? Are you angry with me?” He sounded so nervous and guarded you nearly burst into tears. “I’m sorry I haven’t spent as much time with you as I normally do." 

"It’s okay, I bet you enjoy it more with Aeri unnie,” you snapped, then a huge bulk of unease and guilt washed over you. 

You knew Guanlin was unpredictable and wasn’t exactly the best at managing his emotions, you understood, both of you were young. Your face changes as fast as you change outfits. 

Guanlin scoffed. “Are you seriously being like is? We’re friends!" 

"Well, it sure didn’t seem like it. I didn’t know you liked noonas more.” You were upset and angry…and acting purely on emotions. 

“If I did, I’d be dating her by now. Do you not trust me?” Guanlin yelled, jumping off his bed. “Do you trust me Y/N?" 

Your mouth was clamped shut. 

Guanlin chuckled and shook his head. "I knew it. I knew you couldn’t trust me. Do you think i’m so dumb to chase after noonas even when I have a girlfriend? Thanks Y/N. I get it, Aeri noona is gorgeous, she’s talented, she’s all every man wants but guess what, I thought I was doing the right thing by turning her down and being loyal to you. Turns out, you don’t trust me at all. That’s a key point in a relationship but now that I know ours doesn’t have one…I don’t know if I want to keep it,” he growled. 

“Guanlin, wait! I’m sorr-" 

"Save it! I don’t want to hear your damn excuses.”

“It’s not completely my fault! The nights spent together in the studio, cuddling! The tattoo! All those times you went out together looking like a couple! How can you think for a minute that I wouldn’t feel jealous!” You screamed, causing Guanlin to recoil in shock for you had never raised your voice at anyone, especially him. “Lai Guanlin. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you, but it isn’t my fault that I naturally felt envious because my boyfriend was constantly with another woman!" 

"So you’re going to blame me for how you feel? Is that so? Well, Y/N…I’m sorry about that but I’m sure you’re old enough to control your own emotions! God! Who knew I would be dating an emotional bitch?” He spat, running a hand through his hair and huffing in annoyance. 

You were stunned beyond words. Guanlin had never called anyone such a derogatory term. He realised what he had said and immediately, his posture changed. His face fell. “Y/N, I didn’t-" 

"I don’t care! I never thought I’d date an insensitive prick like you!” You pointed a an accusing finger at him, tears already streaming down your cheeks. “To think I wasted all my time and love on you." 

With that, you grabbed your bag and stormed out of his house, ignoring his desperate calls. 

… 

The night reflected how you felt, it was dark and stormy, rain fell from the skies endlessly. All you had been doing was laying face down on your bed, sobbing until your eyes hurt. You were grateful your parents hadn’t posed any questions, your mother had called you out to eat but left quickly when you ignored her. 

You curled up under your blankets, wearing Guanlin’s old sweater. It swamped you but it provided warmth and comfort. The fact that you might never see him again because of a stupid fight made you feel like the worst person in the whole world. You just hoped his friendship with Aeri wouldn’t be affected. 

Knock, knock. 

You refused to answer, pulling your blanket over your head and pretending to be fast asleep despite the rebellious tears that still rolled down your face. Wait, those footsteps are too heavy to be my mum’s…or dad’s. 

Guanlin. 

You kept your mask on even as Guanlin sat next to your bed, he was pretty tall so his face was right next to yours. You felt him lean his head against your bed, his hair nearly tickling your nose. 

"Ahhh Y/N, I was hoping you wouldn’t be asleep but I suppose today’s been really rough for you,” he muttered, not knowing you were listening. “It’s really all my fault. I never meant to yell at you or cause you heartache but I suppose I did and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I called you a bitch, you really aren’t. You’re the best, most awesome and swag girlfriend I could ever ask for. You always know how to handle situations well, I must have pushed you over the edge for you to yell at me like that.” He chuckled softly. 

More tears dampened your pillow. 

“Look at my jagi, crying even as you sleep. Please stop. I hope you aren’t dreaming of what happened today but you probably are and I regret it." 

You felt his fingers brush over your face as he wiped away your tears. 

"There’s a lot I wish I could say when you’re awake but I don’t have the courage to at all. Let’s talk more in the morning. Goodnight Y/N, I love you. Please don’t break up with me,” Guanlin whispered before pressing a soft kiss to your cheek and slumping down beside your bed. 

You were sure he was knocked out cold before you declared, “I would never dream of it." 

Guanlin awoke to you peppering tender kisses all over his face and running your hands through his fluffy hair. He was shocked but pleasantly surprised. 

"Y/N-" 

"I love you too. Let’s not break up." 

He beamed brightly despite how sleepy he was and pulled you in for a tight hug, rubbing circles on the small of your back.

"Goodnight jagi, sweet dreams." 

And in Guanlin’s arms, under your duvet, you sure did.

[semi-imaginary-place]

fe3h blogging 5 because I’ve been posting on discord and I can’t remember what number I was on oct-feb???

So I'm doing another no recruit run and realizing how much planning I need Me: why do I do this to myself  Specifically its SS usuing none of the black eaglea So Byleths going to be soloing until I can recruit all the church staff... or flayn comes along... 

Lambert and the death knight have the same voice actor. Lambert=death knight. Mystery solved

Loog was only able to gain faerghus independence because the emoire was already weakened from its failed invasion of dagda

Also its part if the seiros canon that a great evil darkness came out of the north. That couldn't posaibly feed into racism

The greatest sin this game has commited was giving gilbert a redemption arc

if only the devs weren’t cowards...

Why does dorothea even have A supports with guys? Her head is filled with only girls. has she ever shown interest in a guy?? Beyond a I want to be financially secure and tolerate your presence. everyone else is bi/pan[ Except caspar Hes just an idiot 

I'm gonna post hot takes for the sexuality of each character and yall cant stop me

Edelgard: lesbian Hubert: Edelgard Ferdinand: pansexual Linhardt: grey spec pan but prefers men+ Caspar: too stupid to evaluate Bernadetta: "I want friends" Dorothea: big lesbian Petra: pansexual

Dimitri: confused and repressed Dedue: gay Felix: swords redheads Ashe: pansexual Sylvain: pansexual prefers women Mercedes: pansexual prefers women Annete: lesbian Ingrid: pansexual prefers men

Claude: Demi pansexual/romantic++ Lorenz: ~~noble obligations~~ pansexual and repressed Raphael: grey ace/aro+++ Ignatz: pansexual prefers women Lysithea: pansexual++++ Marianne: pansexual Hilda: pansexual but usually dates guys Leonie: grey ace

+Linhardt feels romantic/sexual attraction but not strongly. He feels romantic love but he doesn't get crushes. ++Claude is the type to fall in love slowly after an emotional connection has already been formed and then get a crush after they've been going steady for 10 years. +++Raphael feels romantic/sexual attraction but not strongly and usually prefers queer platonic relationships ++++more to do with the individual than gender, but girls are cute

Game crashed and I lost like 4 hours of progress TT^TT

I'm on SS (which is the only route I haven't played) and hnnnnng I miss claude its been like 3 months since I played VW. Also I need to write down a time line some time but the stuff the agarthans have been pulling feeds the world builder in me. especially hyrm

as nice as the idea of all the lords getting along and talking things out is, it wouldn’t work out in canon, Edelgard has tunnel vision. Dimitri is irrational and would rather listen to his hallucinations that evidence. And no one trust Claude enough to believe him

Hilarious really how Edelgard will call for Hubert to carry you despite her massive strength and how hubert looks like a gentle wind will blow him over

Macuil/Indech:  Shun society. Run off into the wilds. Have vaugue legends be told of you. Be a crpytid

linhardt is such an unrepentant bastard

I had a dream where I could make male units pegasus knights. And then I woke up to cruel reality

Alois is growing on me. At first I was like uuuggg another bumbling idiot. But you know what? Fuck Seteth for not giving Alois more vacation time to see his family

Cavalry units be like: crushes a watermelon with their thighs

Some of the knights were bullying Alois. Who was it. I will bring them untold pain.

Reason #??? to punch Gilbert: he saw this poor child struggling to control his strength and went this boy doesn't need to learn how to control his strength, what he needs is more strength training.  I mean absent emotionally distant and all over shitty father to annette is reason number 1. But dimitri is reason number 2.  Oh let's make this kid lift rocks and run around the moutains at night in full armor in winter. Instead of being able to pick something up without breaking it and you know be able to perform basic daily tasks.  Let's make a human shaped weapon instead of a functional person.  Gilbert single handedly ruined AM for me because he just wouldn't stop messing up everyone else's lives

Each character's recruit requirements are what they admire/respect in a person

I forgot hubert becomes unavailable in month 2. and now I'm stuck with his stupis razor

Hot take. BotW Link and part 2 Ingrid have the same haircut

I'm on my last route (SS) but i hate rhea so much...

why do you think maurice/the beast's crest was used to make aymr?

Also all the nameless backgound characters have brown hair but of the main cast, its only dorothea and claude

Annette’s handwriting: Neat and cute.  Linhardt writes in cursive because he cant be bothered to lift his pen Sylvain has nice handwriting. Ingrid's is very functional, felix's is half way to chicken scratch lots of sharp angles. Dimitri cries on the inside at the thought of picking up a pen. as a kid Dimitri has terrible handwriting and breaks a pen every 5 min. He practiced so hard. Most of what people think is his handwriting is Dedue's (neat and pretty) because dedue writes most of his letters for him

me playing azure moon: I want out. get me off this death train

Finally getting alois's support and wow he's like a human shaped puppy in the sahpe of a middle aged man.  Always falling over himself. Ridiculously happy. 100% all the time. Running and barking everywhere

Fact of the day: dorothea hates eating fish

Alright. Seteth and Flayn's descriptions of her mom are very different.  Where is the truth???  Seteth was like shes demure, quiet, pious, and honest. And Flayn's says she's like Judith

game is forcing me to flirt with Alois? Can I not please!

I keep saying it but Lorenz grows on you like a fungus. He has excellent supports

 i want to weave gold thread into claudes hair

Under rated character development: Dorothea. Every one of her lines in part 2 makes me want to cry.  "every rose has its thorns" -> "only thorns left on this rose" Her character development is that she just gets worn down by the war and I want to bundle her up in a blanket and give her a cup of warm milk.  Dorothea is so full of love. So she feels the sorrows of the war so intensely.

FE3H needs better dads. I mean even jeralt and seteth aren’t great dads. They're just not down right horrible.  Jeralt is emotionally distant with an alcohol problem that byleth had to clean up after him. But there are worse dads Alois seems decent but he needs to spend more time at home. Seteth should have given Alois more vacation time.  They aren't terrible dads. But they aren't getting medals either.  Love their kids but have flaws of their own.

ANNETTE DESERVED BETTER THAN GILBERT Burn him at the stake No wait. He’d want that

My loathing for gilbert is beyond description.  He hurts everyone around him, then doesn't listen to what they have to say, and then keeps continuing his existence as a sad sack of shit.  1. Emotionally distant, strict, and often absent father. Clearly cared about his work for than family.  2. He then straight up leaves with out a note or telling his family anything.  3 knows that annette is looking for him and avoids her.  4. Annette just wants her dad back. That's what would make her happy but he denies her that because he's a selfish bastard.  5. Then he goes on and on about his man-pain while not helping anyone. he self flagellates and blames himself a lot but he never tries to change and so he stays there, is this cycle of self pity.  "Ohhh I have sinned and can not be forgiven" .and I'm like why not do right by the people you hurt? And he's like "no no I have sinned. I cannot see them" or some other bullshit.  He also gets some bullshit redemption arc that I want to scrub clean from my memory because he doesn't deserve it.  Annette's support is all about oh i forgive you. And it puts all the emotional labor on annette and just makes me real angry. And i am going to stop thinking about that disgrace of a human now.

Seteth is controlling. Wont let flayn have friends. Boys arent qllowed to talk to her.  She can't go out. He has to know where she is 24/7. Seteth really is suffocating Flayn. Early in the game Flayn compares herself to a hot house flower, confined to a green house, doomed to die outside it. It bring up the question which is better, to live a long life in constant fear and isolation (remember flayn is very much a people person), or to live a short fulfilling life. The answer of course is that it should be flayns choice. But Seteth denies her autonomy. Flayn is not quite an adult, but even discounting the decades* that she has lived, even a teenager should have some say in the direction of their life. Time and time again Flayn expresses her will and Seteth ignores her. She is allowed little existence outside of him.  Its also hilarious how bad their cover story is.  Its true they love each other but Seteth causes Flayn a fair bit of suffering. Its played for comedy sometimes. And Flayn to some degree tolerates it because she understands that he does it for her sake, and she understands the real danger she is in. They just disagree with what is an acceptable degree of risk. Seteth tolerates no risk which at that point can't be called living. Flayn accepts the danger and believes it is worthwhile to enjoy life and help people despite it. the counselor box also reveals that seteth has been stalking her and think her talking to dudes is bad despite that having nothing to do with the danger of the agarthans.

A fun thing to think about is if Flayn was born of 2 nabeteans, she's a human halfie, or someother sothis bullshit.  I reviewed the sea nd sky paralogue recently looking for answers and there were some hints? Maybe? nothing definative. all we know for sure is that flayn’s mom died in the nemesis war.  Also I have a hypothesis that flayn was in a regenerative coma for most of the 1000 years so she's been active less than 200 years which is why Seteth treats here like a waylaid toddler.

the flayn seteth c support is great Seteth.exe crashes and then reboots right in front of our very eyes

Catherine has such big wlw energy. I didn't quite realize it until I got her supports but hooboy.  Saw a lady so pretty she forgot she almost died pfft.  And this is just with rhea.  The catherine-shamir supports themselves are gold.

Catherine: ever see a woman so beautiful you forget you almost died and decide to devote your whole life to her?

Catherine->Shamir: i get worried when you go out on missions on your own. I'm not there to protect you. I'm scared of you leaving me behind. I never want to leave you side. Between my life and your life i'd choose your life me: ! Shamir: i don't know what the future holds, but let's get married me: !!!!!!!!!!!!

Also catherine/christoph was a thing in the past. Highschool sweethearts. Before she executed him for treason

Ahahahhha this is great! And by great I mean hilarious. Dimitri dies even more offscreen in SS than in VW.  Ghost dimitri in ss made me laugh but  do we ever get an explanation for ghost dimitri or it like the cf finale? Themetically significant. Sure lets go with that

I'm really starting to see where the parts of vw and ss were smushes together

Embarr has the best night life

Recruiting sylvain into the gd feels mean. I'm taking away the only one with 2 braincells to rub together

Under all the noble bullshit, Lorenz really is a great guy

Do you think every demonic beast looks unique and its only that the devs didnt want to make more models that they dobt look different in game?

Recruiting sylvain into the gd feels mean. I'm taking away the only one with 2 braincells to rub together in the blue lions

Sylvain is warm

I wish we got to explore derdriu

PETRA DESERVES BETTER WRITERS. and give her a fluffy coat. She's gotta be cold in garreg mach

Count Varley is at the top of the hit list

Add alois onto team i'm scared of ghosts (lysithea, ashe, annette)[5:44 PM] That's it. I'm kidnapping alois from the church's clutches and taking him home. The church doesn't deserve him. And he hates his job

W h y  i s  everyone from faergus so eager to give up their personhood

Does faerghus seem really backwater to anyone else? Faergus reminds me of like 900's europe while leicester and adrestia are more like 1600's europe.  they still have that germanic warrior culture thing going. This is deep in the dark ages. I will accept the later half of the dark ages though since its post introduction of christianity. Leicester and Adrestia feel more like 1600-1700s They feel not quite french revolution, but getting there.  Yeah like the old institutions (crown and church) are still there but the cracks are showing.  Also the clothes

I thinki talked about this before. But when I say dorothea deserves the world. DOROThEA DESERVES THE WORLD. she’s been through so much

I need to go compare this with the verdant wind scene, but I was under the impression that sothis was in a regenerative coma after the war with the agarthans. But nope according to ss she was straigt up dead huh

i know I'm suppose to be fighting but I spent the last 30min exploring shambhala again

Damn it Shamir! Why'd ya have ta crit. I was trying to get dialog!January 2, 2020

gatekeeper > you < gatekeeper's identical twin brother who's on the opposite side of the war Its a sandwich

Oh wow the church really was up to some bloodborne level stuff

I turned every single one of the black eagles into a brigand (except linhardt and hubert).  Brigand gang brigand gang

The devs knew Claude and Lindhardt would just be too powerful. They had to be separated. thats why they dont have a support chain.  Sylvain and Claude has more energy but Sylvain has the conscious that Lindhardt lacks.  I mean Lindhardt singlehandedly lock picks  the holy tomb and disables rhea's magic mechs all while complaining he's sleepy.  Sylvain can be bullied into doing things and I love him for it.  Ah. I want both support chains

After Jeralts death both Claude and Edelgard both tell you that the world will continue spinning regardless of what befalls you personally but they do so in rather different ways. Edelgard phrases it like pull yourself together or the world will leave you behind. Claude phrases it like personal tragedies are such a small thing in the face of the world. You may have suffered a loss but there is so much to the world beyond that. There are still worthwhile things in the world. Both of say the world doesnt stop for you but mean different things.  And both are trying to motivate you to pull yourself together.  Whereas dimitri is like: you want vengence? You should go for vengence. I'll help you rip them apart. I'll kill for you.

Edelgard is socially awkward and blunt. She's also very practical minded so she doesn't know how to won't say something comforting when she can say something useful.  She's trying in her own way  To motivate byleth to start picking up their life.  Edelgard doesn't get people. Social interaction is a total mystery to her. She's just too stubborn to realize it.  At a couple points you can tease her and she thinks you're threatening her. She's not good at the people thing.  While she can come off a little rough because she doesn't understand how other people work. Hubert understands other people rather well and is an asshole anyways. List of characters who have threatened byleth: dimitri, hubert, sylvain, jeritza, catherine

Was sothis one of the divine dragon tribe? a lot of the other divine dragons had green hair especially the ones worshiped as gods (duma, mila, naga, tiki). But not fae or nowi.  I always got that dragon stones were like a dragon's essence sealed away so that while in human form they could stave off dragon degeneration. But what are crest stones. Were they made by the agarthans (artificial dragon stones) or are crest stones a natural part  of the nabeteans and the agarthans just harvested them. Or... ARE THERE BOTH. But the pov characters cant tell the difference.  This one group has messed with how many nations now?? SS has an interesting tidbit that's  been stuck in my head:  In the final map of SS its revealed that all high ranking church officials recieve Seiros' blood and a crest stone shard. WHERE ARE THE SHARDS COMING FROM. DAMN YOU SETETH YOU CANT JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT AND LEAVE ME. because if they are seiros crest stone shards that neans crest stones are not an Agarthan invention. But that condridicts VW where rhea says creststones are made of nabateab hearts. tldr: I'm confused. where are those fragments coming from??? Wait. This is all assuming a nabetean needs their heart inside them to live. Given how violently rhea reacts to losing even 1 crest stone I don't think she used the ones of her brethern. Which logically leaves only one weird possible answer. That rhea took her own heart/crest stone and has been giving out fragments. I mean she probably retrives the fragments when the priest dies.... this also means that nabeteans can survive with their heart outside their body... like a litch.... which I mean given sothis isn't too suprising? ??

VW and SS have such wacky endings. Let's go fight the cyberpunk mole people now!. Zombie invasion?  : check Weird bloodborne stuff and then we fight rhea?: check

Yeah VW was my first route and whew that was a wild ride. AM is so tame is comparison. but SS and VW lack the setup to pull out twists like that.  If this was like Nier: Automata where you get endings sequentially, it might have worked. But on their own the last 2 maps don't have anything at stake

hmmm  switching the final battles of verdant wind and silver snow? What would make a better story and why?  rhea kinda works because SS is all about rhea and saving her from herself as well as a revival of the church. But Nemesis also brings closure to Rhea's arc. She's been stuck for the last 1000 years to to fight the man who killed her most important person for good is like also really good thematically. VW is all about something new. Doing away with old structures and what better than to kill the pope? But facing the 10 elites also works for VW because that's the begining of the crest/nobility system you are literally killing.  I just like recruiting everyone and then killing the 10 elites with their own weapons wielded by their descendants.  its symbolic

Byleth is an excellent brigard. Went beigand and then wyvrn and their strength was higher than dimitri's

Claude: Rule? Nah. Gonna go be a scholar in an isolated mountain range. Books

Sylvain is a himbo wannabe

I should recruit annette and let her kill gilbert...  The one thing I'm worried about is that it'll hurt her more than it'll hurt him ... can I get crusher in crimson flower? If I were to recruit everyone and then get them all killed, what route would that be best in? Guess I'll be doing a death pact AM run some time in the future

Also koei tecmo and intsys are cowards for gender locking classes.  From a gameplay perspecrive too some characters are locked out of their ideal classes (war master for catherine and gremory for lindhardt). And then there's the in lore significance. Let hubert ride a pegasus.

Dorothea spent the entirety of their paralogue hitting on Ingrid. And then the RING at the end??? and they can’t support. Also Ingrid should have gotten an A support with Mercedes. They get along so well

Edelgard got the best designs in the game but Dorothea got the next best

Its canon. Edelgard thinks Claude grew up to be hot. Edelgard acknowledging that Claude is hot but but that she’s going to kill him anyways is just so good ....aaaaand one again I'm a coward who couldn't bring themself to kill Claude. But the completionist in me really wants to. The scene after sparing cluade between him and edelgard has kept me up too many nights.  What are the emotions here? My first guess was loss, grief. Someone else has interpreted it as aggtession though. And maybe we are both over thinking this but to me Claude's lines here say "I have failed"

Dorothea deserves a dragon

Caspar is actually real good for bernadetta. Its like talking to a sack of potatoes and doing so forces her to communicate better, firmly express herself, etc. Caspar has such great supports with all the ladies really

I really am just linhardt. I too disregard authority and despise being woken up...

I feel like we should all appreciate dorothea more. Death to the haters

ingrid equipping the duscar cavalry battalion is like  "I can exploit their labor so it’s alright"

I found felix was my solace in AM just because everyone else goes full death cult. despite how much i wanted to punch him when he told ingrid to go get a husband.  Also I should note I'm not sure felix whole heartesly believed what he said to Ingrid. I got the impression he said the thing he knew would upset her the most.  Not necessarily what he believed. That said he may actually believe it too.  Ingrid and felix remind be of squabbling siblings just saya the worst stuff to each other.  Unless felix has actively confronted the notion of faerhgus patriarchy he probably has internalized some of the beliefs. We all do. Thats why theyre so hard to dig out

Since we talk a lot about dads. Let's talk margrave edmund. tldr: complicated and interesting relationship with marianne.  What we know: he adopted marianne some time after her parents died, before she enrolles into the officers academy. Marianne says he's usuing her as marriage bait to marry up and increase the standing of house edmund.  This tracks with what others say about edmund: he's politically ambitious. And he's good at it enough to have gotten house edmund a seat at the round table.  In pretty much all her endings, he tutors mariannne until she's a political savant.  He forbid her from leaving the monestary in part 1.  Now let's go in between the lines. In part 1 marianne seems nervous of margrave edmund, but she also seems nervous of everything is part 1. In part 2, along with being more comfortable with herself she seems more familiar with him.  After the end of part 1 she likely returned to house edmund despite the attack being the perfect cover to disappear.  We don't get get much on edmund's personality buy he comes across as ruthlessly practical. The sort that goes "I can and will use everything to get what I want".  He likely adopted marianne not out of charity or compassion but so the house could have a crested heir and so he could use her as a bargining chip to other houses. But he sees enough potential in her to train her to be the next head of house. I think what started out as "ah another piece i can use" transitioned into a more friendly relationship as marianne began to assert herself and margrave edmund came to acknowledge her as more than how she could benefit him. I don't think he ever got over the "how can i use this" mentality but I'd like to think that after some years they came to get along. Ah yes I meant to do a hyrm thing and put it off for months. The Agarthans had long been infiltrating the empire and slowly increasing their influence on the government. In an attempt to stop this emperor ionius ix attempted to gain more power for himself to counter them by centralizing the government and taking power away from the nobles. House Hyrm attempted to defect to the leicester alliance with the help of house ordelia. In retaliation the Agarthans under the guise of the empire killed the members of house hrym and took control of hrym and ordelia. Also in response to ionius' move, the top ministers of the empire backed by the Agarthans began the insurrection of the seven where all political power was taken from the emperor. The Agarthans than experimented on ordelia and the royal family to implant crests while usuing hrym as a base of operations. After Emile killed that scrumbag baron bartels as well as the rest of the bartels family. Edelgard thought he could be useful as a piece not already controled by the Agarthans, and with their helped fabricated him a new identity as jeritza von hrym since hrym was a puppet for the Agarthans. Lord Arundel (Thales) then ensured jeritza a spot at garreg mach so he could act as an inside agent.

Anyone know the significance of rhea's mech's names (wilhelm, iris, etc.). past friends?  lol would it be messed up or what if its powered by his corpse 

Jeritza really is an acquired taste... wow

... I wonder sometimes if I like making things hard for myself... like I'll make rules like 4+ units have to attack an enemy before I kill them... or certain units can't be next to each other or just other abitrary rules. Anyways I'm just complaining because I did all this on the final map while under leveled last night (?) and am now just going "...why" at myself

Also, I wish we got the option of keep class headgear.  Some of it looks really cool and some of the classes (bishop??) look incomplete with out it.  Let me have my little hats!  Like mortal savant gets an oni mask which looks rad. And warlocks get flowery witch hats! Just finished crimson flowers again with warlock and then gremory dorothea and was like hmmmm.... she needs flowers in her hair

Also if you look up dimitri's dancer skirt you'll see he's wearing black short shorts

Team heretic: edelgard, hubert, petra, claude, leonie, linhardt in the closet: lorenz

So for those of you that keep up with my rambling... remember how i said the funal cf cutscene makes no sense? Did sothis self terminate? If she dud than why arent there records of other crest stones disintigrating? Or is it a sothis specific thing? Its possible sothis’s consciousness is stored in her creststone/heart but then how can you still s support her in CF? i've been trying to logic and reason this for several months and i cant get it to all fit. But on a symbolic level its like the coming of a new age, sothis' hold on the world (and her influence on byleth) disappears. Live on without dieties (literally in byleth's case). The new age of humanity and all so byleth becomes a normal human, no god powers yada yada. I think claude is the only one that knows byleth has no heartbeat?? (Maybe? I cant remember) since claude reads jeralt's diary. Thematic significance > narrative consistency. There's also that rhea goes beserk in SS and not VW, when the same stuff happens to her in both. Which doesn't add up for me. And Nemesis ...is he still sitting there in the other routes... Where did he get an army anyways? I assumed the agarthans just had a whole army frozen...But then why didn't they use it earlier? And can you imagine just a whole city of cryo pods underground. Just there.

Anyways I'm off to kill all the blue luons and solo with dimitri on maddening!  Can I get gilbert killed in AM or is he too plot important. I've been playing on casual like a coward so far

Ah ashen wolves shadow cinders looks edgy. I wonder why they have 4 kids in a dungeon. Theres that npc that talk about hiw garreg mach needs the abyss to survive. I wonder why they keep this system

I dont keep up with english VAs but it'd be funny if yuri was voiced by yuri lowenthal

anyone with a crest has less of a chance of  demonic beasting than someone with no crest in lore. In gameplay you can use any crest weapon as long as you have any crest. You just wont get the added benefits of that specific crest

Yuri is very pretty and I’m weak for beautiful long haired men.  But i kinda wish the nintendo would let us have BEEF

If only i could have 300 save files...

Yuri really just is Leon with amnesia. Down to the red eyeliner...

Who let balthus into a highschool

I have that insistent desire to punch the writers for putting dorothea and mercedes through all that

Manuela. Has. So. Much. Love!  And her line about how [as teachers] we cant lose the students to violence or cowardice

The head of felix plopped onto a generic brawler body will always be funny to me

Yeah... sylvain really treats you different when male.  There was a reason were many reasons I really wanted to punch sylvain when I first started playing. namely the misogyny

male Byleth just looks really good as a swordsmaster

From a gameplay perspective I think divine pulse should have been removed for maddening.  From a story perspective they did a pretty good job integrating time mechanics as god powers

I wonder if Jeralt reminded Rhea of Wilhelm

i love giving bad advice for the advice box

why is tea time is the hardest part of the game

Seriously. How does garreg mach even work? Fail school and you get sent to the dungeons for life. What.

Sylvain would totally be one of those dudes with too much money dolling out patronages

Let hilda be warmaster

Hmmm edelgard... fatalism....

Please mod gilbert out of the game Lorenz has got a good heart. But the words that come out of his mouth sometimes...

Oh yeah you know that rainbow flash dream sequence right at the begining of the game? Is it me or did I see skyscrapers in it

The inside of byleth's head is a smash tournament

Seteth can die and I'll kill him.  (Ok ok I don't actually hate the guy. But I don't like him either. He's the type I'd tolerate working with but want nothing to do with outside of the professional setting)

Caspar and linhardt really are THAT comedy duo. I need a whole book dedicated to their paired endings

Sylvain's dick is still the funniest joke on the internet

The weirdest part of part 2 felix's hair isn't even the aggresive side sweep. That can be explained by having stiff straight hair. Its the limp pony tail. If your hair is that stiff, any ponytail that length is going to stick straight out like as anime character. I have this hair type. I've succeded in replicating the side sweep, the ponytail doesnt work

give mercedes a gun cowards

Marianne with a cute bob. Marianne with short hair. very home of phobe of intsys not to make marianne like an actual werewolf or something

devs should have let Bernie learn how to beat her dad to death with her bare fists

I've returned home to my boy. I love Claude!

Mortal savant ignatz. I mean strength in swords and budding talent in reason. Youre going to ba a magic samurai ignatz!

I had forgotten how much gd plays like a mystery game. Also, whatever I said earlier I take it back. Lysithea has a crush on Leonie

I keep trying to imagine an adrestia that isn't tropical (because why else would they wear heavy coats), and failing...

I really love raphael. He's so good

Claude's this interesting mix of cynical and idealistic yeah. He has a number of strong ideals and believes in the potential of humanity to do good, to grow and learn, to come together and built. But he also struggles because at the same time he also believes humans will usually choose the easier path of ignorance and hate. People are cruel and don't care.[5:30 AM]He's really cynical about what people are actually going to do

Sylvain's just layer upon layer of unhealthy coping mechanism

I don’t really like the ingrid/claude ship. ingrid tends to fixate on one shallow quality in a person and then ship them shit about it. and that’s the support. and the writers don’t have her ever acknowledging the rest of the character’s personality or admitting her first impression might have been incorrect.  that especially doesn't pair well with Claude who hides so much of himself. Out of all the characters Claude can A support Ingrid's the only one I where I went "whyyyyyyy"[10:02 AM]It really felt like the typical C-B support. Of i cant stand you because of 1, 2, and 3. To hey maybe you aren't so bad

i can't help but think the empire and alliance are incredibly stupid for making lorenz a cavalier. He's terrible at it.

Hold the phone. Was jeralt a soldier in the leicester independwnce war? (On thw faerhgus side).  But thats 300 years ago. All we know is that hexs older than 100.  The almyra unvasion is another option. Its also possible that jeraly wasnt involved in any war

So I'm trying to get rhea killed on the last chapter of part 1 for GD and wow its really hard to lose the fight this way. Enemies will avoid her like the plague. I cant believe I'm struggling to lose a fight Rhea is unkillable. I have taken no actions for 15 turns are she is still not dead Starting to think its impossible to lose by rhea death in this battle Turn 31. Its only raphael and hilda left Yeah as long as you have 1 unit to keep enemy infanty out of the pink squares this map is inpossible to lose on hard mode  60 turns. All of Rhea’s spell and weapon uses are gone and she still wont die. I give up

I've been thinking of hilda dimitri hypothetical supports recently and i think they"d be halfway between her lorenz+ferdinand supports and her marianne supports.[1:48 AM]Hilda is the QUEEN of suckering people and dimitri is the biggest sucker in the game[1:51 AM]But like marianne's clumsiness, dimitri can't do basic tasks well so hilda hoisting her chores on him is sure to backfire hilariously. He also has that kicked puppy pitifulness that part 1 marianne has so hilda will end up feeling  sorry watching him struggle and help out[1:52 AM]But these 2 are both deeply compassionate so they could actually get along.  You know... i can see ferdinand and claude hating each other's guts. But there's such potential for personal growth...

Why is it that the agarthans have the most named npcs out of any factionJump

If gilbert is what it means to be an "exceptional knight". Then i dont want it. I dont want knights and i especially dont want execptional knights

I like playing on hard because i never have to worry about winning a fight only about how many style points I can rack up.

Why does fodland new year start on month 3.  Look i get that the japanese adopted the chinese calendar system of new year in early spring before adopting the gregorian calendar so "new years" events ended up split between month 1 (new years celebration) and month 3/4 (start of school). But that makes no sense for fodlan. In universe it doesnxt make sense. Why not have month 1 start in spring or have the new year in winter. Ok let's be real. The real reason its like this is that due to globalization and post ww2 american influence not to mention european colonialism, the gregorian calander is the one the world runs on. So its for us players benefit that month 1 is in winter and month 6 is summer. But in universe it doesn't make sense! Not unless you start making really convoluted excusrs[4:00 AM](Sorry southern hemisphere   No representation for you today) This only works for chinese new years because its 2 different calender systems being used at the same time. Which doesn't make sense in fodlan because why would rhea allow a new calander system in given her isolationist policy. Or if its a remnant of an old calender system, there's no way it lasted 1000 years

If jeralt hadn't been killed by kronya, he would have been consumed by the hivemind in SS and you would have been forced to kill him

The devs really went out of their way to give jeritza a unique class huh. He's a dark knight+swords. You can say it. He's just a dark knight. Yet they really went and slapped death knight on him[2:49 PM]Also as a pc his crit rate in underwelming

The s suport cgs are more stylized and its a little jarring

Is it only me than. Who get ways too many support points thant hey know what to do with.

We need a cats remake but its called rats and is dimitri in every role

I want a lysithea hilda a support[5:48 PM]Hilda's the only ine lysithea likes from the start[5:48 PM]They have mutual respect for each other[5:48 PM](Also side note. Wow lysithea is mean to ignatz. Poor baby)

Reminder that its Marianne who title drops vw

Did I miss something? Felix becoming the top advisor for all of fodlan seems like a bad idea. The only thing that comes close to showing he's competant is his ingrid support where it shows he's decent at tactics. Reason number 76 for why I'm worried for fodlan post AM. Along with ... ya know .. the Agarthans still running around.

One part of vw i didn't like was when the merchants went woohoo no regulations and free trade yay!Jump

I'll be honest. 7 year old me would have swindled dimitri out of his good halloween candy

[noodlerama]

Out of curiosity, can you explain your negative impressions of Movie 20? Not trying to judge you or saying your opinions are invalid, but going by a guy who shared his in-depth impressions this is really sounding like a movie that focuses on Ash and Pikachu first and foremost, with stuff like that dumb 'talking scene' making sense in the narrative, and I'd like to know your counterpoint going by impressions.

If this movie was actually focused on Ash and Pikachu solo adventures with him discovering the mysteries of Ho-oh I would’ve been totally fine with that, based on the summaries it mostly kinda is but we have to deal with dumb extraneous characters that I, personally, don’t care about and fucking idiotic plot points that happen in the movie’s later half (yes yes I know not every detail might be correct in ceartain summary recollections but overall the same general story events happen which I dont like anyway so yeah). Like Makoto and Shouji don’t seem to offer anything substantial in this movie, they seem like they’re just there to stand around and be advertisements, this is what they replaced Misty and Brock for and it pisses me off.. I feel like this movie wants to have its cake and eat it too, it tries to celebrate the 20th anniversary but it’s all shallow surface level imagery with no real heart to any of it, and it also wants to be yet another generic, nothing Pokemon movie that only exists to market whatever is popular right now so we got Lucario, Piplup and Marshadow being lazily shoved in at the cost of a proper anniversary film, for Gods sake not even TEAM ROCKET can get decent treatment in this movie, the don’t even interact with Ash! What kind of bullshit is that.???.

 It just seems so terrible in its execution and so heart breaking in its disrespect to the legacy that you feel like the writers wanted to just make a typical SM movie to advertise that but they hastily rembered it was the 20th anniversary so cobbled together this nonsense. People call me, and others who are not happy with this movie, entitled 20-somethings nostalgic fanboys that hate change when its not that at all (for the most part) it’s just that we’re tired of this anime not living up to its full potential, we’re tired as people who love and adore and stuck with the anime for THIS LONG be treated as if we don’t matter, as if ONLY the children matter (and don’t feed me this bullshit that they only care about attracting the kids, if they did they wouldn’t have made a fucking 20th anniversary movie filled with nostalgic imagery the older fans would resonate with). 

The MAIN POKEMON GAME SERIES acknowledges that the demographic has changed, they are aware that children and adults alike play these games and shows both demographics love and attention, but the anime staff just seem stubbornly set in their ways and refuse to acknowledge that. It happened with the Kalos League when they refuse to let Ash advance as a character, they showed that with XY’s lack of continuity, and now the 20th Movie is the culmination of all of that and it SUCKS. They refuse to let the anime grow because they just wanna keep pretending kids watch it only when that’s NOT TRUE. (Im leaving the SM anime alone because it’s it’s own weird thing separate from this larger issue I have with the anime staff).

Ive just been so disillusioned with a anime I could gladly call my favorite a year ago and now im just so disconnected and detached and it makes me SAD. Ive been looking to stuff like HxH and BNHA because I needed something to fill that hole that it left behind, I REALLY wanted this movie to be good and bring me back to loving the anime again but that was my own fault, I just cant remember the last time I was really looking forward to something in the anime and it met my expectations with no bullshit, I miss that feeling

[soraryuuzaki]

Wings @ Anaheim Day 1

ya girl hit the fangirl jackpot and got to perform with BTS. keep reading to find out how it went down

okay but like actually today was fucking amazing and i didn’t really expect it to be?????

like fuck dude i woke up this morning wishing i were with my girlfriend but settling instead for some dank league of legends while i ate breakfast and watched boku no hero academia with my sister as she procrastinated getting ready for the BTS concert she was going to tonight (4/1)

and so as i was laying on her bed with her she got a phone call from her musician friend Albert (sleightlymusical on youtube, shameless plug). he was calling cause he was playing violin for the BTS concert as part of a string quartet but one of their musicians-- a violist-- had to drop out last minute ‘cause he had some personal problems so they needed a string player asap and Albert called Arlene ‘cause she was the only violinist he knew well who lived in the area

so Arlene was fucking torn because she wanted to watch the concert with her friends but she also wanted to play and she realized i was right next to her and she was like ... do YOU want to play for the BTS concert?

and i was like uh sure

and she said okay well we gotta be there at 1 so go get ready

and i was like wtf dude it’s 12:30 what am i supposed to wear i haven’t showERED OR ANYTHING FUCK MY LIFE

so we hauled ass to the venue where Albert met up with us and gave me a staff pass and we went down to the room where the other two string players were waiting and they were like DUDE YOU JUST SAVED OUR ASSES okay here’s the deal we aren’t actually playing we’re basically stage props but here’s the music and yeah

so we spent about an hour trying to figure out what the fuck we were doing and then we got called onstage for rehearsal and i was like fuCK I’M NOT READY FOR THIS

when we got out there they were rehearsing Begin and holy shit jungkook was sO FUCKING CLOSE and all the other members were just sitting onstage and scrolling through their phones but holy shit they were so close to me and i was lowkey fangirling on stage

and then jimin went on with Lie and he was rehearsing and he botched the high note and just laughed it off and i laughed with him becuase fuCK ME he’s so cute and if a cute boy laughs you know i’m fucking going to laugh too okay

then it was our turn and we got to “accompany” suga when he sang / rapped First Love which fuck my LIFE it’s my favorite song on the album and i was just like starstruck when i was playing because he’s so beautiful and the song is so beautiful and i was just having an out of body experience like holy shit this was so surreal like aM I REALLY FUCKING HERE JUST WTF IS GOING ON like when the music started i was like huh where is he ‘cause he wasn’t onstage and then i turned around and realized that he was being ELEVATED ONSTAGE WITH A FUCKING PIANO RIGHT BEHIND ME AND I WAS FREAKING OUT like the entire itme i was playing i was just trying not to obviously stare at him but he’s just fucking gorgeous and i love the song and holy shit dude i was just having the time of my life and like some of the members were sitting literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME on the stage as we were playing and i was like internally hyperventilating

and when we played for Jin’s Awake we had no idea what we were doing either but i was also just staring at him like a shameless fangirl but i had to tone it down ‘cause i’m a fucking professional yanno but when he leaves the stage he crosses literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME so i was just staring at him wide-eyed as he walked right past me and i just died inside

but yeah we had no idea what we wer edoing during the rehearsal so afterwards we went back to our room and figured out some shit and then got lunch (they had catering backstage for the staff) and then took a nap and i realized i was still sweaty and greasy ‘cause i hadn’t showered that morning so i went home and showered and came back within an hour and a half ‘cause that’s how close i live to the venue and honestly the only reason why it took more than an hour was ‘cause i was checking with people constantly to make sure i could get back in after i left and i kept getting lost and shit but anyway i came back in time for dinner and guess who was in the fucking dining room with us

B T S

i’m a terrible fangirl so i couldn’t tell who exactly was sitting with us but i think it was J-Hope, Jimin, and V????? i think??????? but they were eating in the same room as me so i was honestly hella fucking starstruck

like legit i walked in and while i was getting food i think i was next to Jimin as he was getting tteokbokgi and i looked at him and was like huh he looks familiar and it wasn’t until i sat down with the other string players and they were like omg i can’t believe they’re actually eating with the crew like how down to earth and i was like huh and then i looked over and i was like FUCK I WAS RIGHT NEXT TO JIMIN and i had literally walked right past them all to get some water and i was so close and i was just like H O L Y S H I T i’m fucking dead goodbye someone kill me now i’m dead i can die happy right now

we weren’t allowed to take pictures backstage, and especially of the BTS members, for safety reasons ‘cause BTS had received death threats so it was important that their locations aren’t compromised (which is also why i have to wait until after the second concert is over to post this) but i was honestly so fucking starstruck i just went back to the room and sat there in awe

one of the other string players (not Albert) was sort of mocking the fans he saw outside? like he was like “lmao they’re like taking pictures of posters and shit” and i was hella judging him like why u gotta be like that let them enjoy themselves you arrogant piece of shit and also he was like “i’m gonna be so sick of this song” when we were trying to figure out what to do for First Love and i’m just like listen here you little shit this is a fine ass piece of music and so help me god you are going to stop being an arrogant piece of shit and he was just so condescending???? like ????? i don’t want to play into stereotypes but he goes to USC for a master’s in violin and like ???????????? i get that you’re good but do you need to be such an ass???

anyway we sort of chilled as the concert started and i decided i wanted to listen to them so i hung out backstage and listened to the opening number (Not Today) and i was jamming backstage and since no one was talking to me i decided to push my luck and ultimately ended up in the wing as i waited for my cue but i got to see them perform up close and it was so surreal hearing all the screams

and after they finished Dope they all ran riGHT FUCKING PAST ME as they headed to the changing tent and i was fucking starstruck and then i fucking went on and

H

O

L

Y

S

H

I

T

it was fucking CROWDED like i knew it was going to be a full house but it didn’t really register to me that it was going to be a crowd of 18,000 people???? like holy shit???? it was just a sea of dark faces and lightsticks and i was like holy crap this is amazing because it just looks like a starry sky and my sister was in the crowd really close to the front and i saw her and she waved at me and i waved back and i was like O H M Y G O D I’M ACTUALLY DOING THIS and then the music started and i was just amazed as i played and watched the crowd and i was like wow this is so nice like this is such an amazing feeling and Suga was so cute and holy crap i was so close to him and i was just staring at him the entire time like I AM CLOSER THAN THE AVERAGE FAN WILL EVER BE IN THEIR LIFETIME HOLY FUCK

and then as soon as it started it was over and we were being rushed offstage and i wanted to stick around and watch but i got kicked off the wings and then out of the backstage area but i came back around Stigma and i was just U G H and i got to play for Awake, Jin’s solo, and that one is cool because the platforms move up and down so it was pretty fun on that one but it was funny because i was sitting next to the cellist and instead of going around the cellist’s endpin Jin just took this giant ass step over it and he walked literally RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME like he was trying to fucking walk past me to get to a seat in a lecture hall and i was just melting inside but i had to keep my cool because i’m a professional yanno

but yeah after that we got kicked out of the backstage area again but as we were leaving the stage i looked to my left and saw Jungkook practicing some choreography and he made eye contact with me and fUCKING BOWED TO ME AND I BOWED BACK AND I WAS JUST LIKE ?????? HOLY FUCK?????? DID I ACTUALLY??? JUST???? BOW?????? TO JUNGKOOK????????????????

i’m literally dead

but anyway after that we split up and albert and i went to try to figure out if we could watch the rest of the concert and we ran into two girls (Hannah and Loomy) and they showed us a good view but then we ended up leaving early ‘cause we didn’t want to get stuck in all the car traffic in the parking lot so we left

and honestly i’m home right now and typing this and i feel so fucking starstruck like h o l y s h i t that was amazing

and i get to do it again tomorrow

and i’m getting PAID

i’m fucking getting PAID to have the experience of a LIFETIME

i got to perform for 18,000 people

i got to share a stage with BTS

and i’m fucking getting PAID TO DO THIS

F U C K M E U P

[tessatechaitea]

Dark Nights: Metal #3

I'm trying to be more positive so I'd like to praise John Romita Jr. for how well he draws monster teeth. If he drew them, that is!

How come heroes always say shit like this? Have they never been around their friends when their friends are drunk? "Good" goes out the window pretty fucking easily.

The Flash races out of a giant ankh to rescue Superman from the Bat-inspired evil Justice League. He takes him to The Oblivion Bar where Detective Chimp reminds everybody that the DC Universe heartily sucked for a long while because Dan DiDio believed it wasn't a place for fun and whimsy. Of course, that's all being taken care of now with this Rebirth and Watchmen shit. Now all the idiots who thought Comics Shouldn't Be Fun Again are backpedaling and pretending it was the fault of everybody but the editors in charge. "It was the Watchmen! They changed it all for the worse!" "It was the fans! This is what they said they wanted!" "It wasn't Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, or Dan DiDio at all! Stop looking at us! I mean them!" Oh! Tomorrow is Friday the 13th! I have to remember to play the Friday the 13th video game tomorrow because they have to do something special, right? Like maybe log the IP of everybody who plays and send Jason around to murder us all? How fun would that be! Seriously! Please somebody kill me. This country has gotten so terrible.

Racist! Or anti-golem? Whatever it is, it's probably gross, right? Am I doing youth correctly?

Other people hiding out in the Oblivion Bar are Steel, Mister Terrific, the Justice League, Green Arrow, Damian Wayne, and Plastic Man stuck in the form of a giant egg. But even as an egg, he's able to vibrate out a message. Wonder Woman translates it as "Oh. OH! OoOoOoHhHhHh! OH ZEUS YES!" Mister Terrific translates it as coordinates to deep space, beneath Atlantis, and the center of the multiverse. What kind of chart can graph those coordinates? An XYZZZZZZZZZZZ chart? I buy that Mister Terrific can figure them out but how the fuck did Plastic Man do the math on them? He's just a petty, clumsy crook turned accidental superhero! I don't remember him being a maths genius! Plastic Egg also gives some negative coordinates and Mister Terrific is all, "These don't make sense! I may be a genius but I don't understand how coordinates work!" Luckily Superman is there to be all, "Nobody pay attention to this whole thing about negative numbers not being valid coordinates! He probably means the Dark Multiverse!" And everybody is all, "Whew! Good save, Superman! That certainly was a job for you!" Deathstork arrives to help out because he has a Promethium sword. It's not Nth metal but it'll do the trick when it comes to hurting the Batjerks. Now everybody can split up and go explore all the coordinates Plastic Egg vibrated into Mister Terrific's ear. Ear? Yeah, it was probably his ear. Steel, Flash, and Superman team up to rescue Batman from the Dark Multiverse. Mister Terrific, Green Lantern, and Plastic Egg team up to head into deep space. Doctor Fate, Green Arrow, and Wonder Woman head to the Rock of Eternity. And Aquaman and Deathstork head to the place beneath Atlantis. Most of the teams have an easy job, following the coordinates. But Superman's team has to rely on Superman making up a theory as to how they can get to the Dark Multiverse. Luckily, it's a comic book so science that is pure speculation is usually good enough to get the job done. Superman makes it to the Dark Multiverse but finds that it's a trap! Surprise! Batman was trying to warn Superman not to save him but Superman was too dumb to figure out Batman's genius code. So typical of Superman. He never does the smart thing. He should have listened to Nightwing. Everybody should listen to Nightwing! He's the only one that ever knows what's going on. Not only is it a trap but it's part of Barbatos's plan. He needs Superman's body to be the battery for his gadget to turn Earth-Main-Earth into a hell dimension. It's too bad that all of the ancient texts Hawkman and Hawkwoman read didn't say something about Superman being the key to the rise of Barbatos. All the clues pointed to Batman! So once again, Hawkman fucked up. What an idiot. Dark Nights: Metal #3 Rating: Not too bad. I mean, Mister Terrific, the world's third smartest man, made a stupid mistake. But that's to be expected when Not the World's Third Smartest Man is writing the comic book. It's hard to write a genius when you have to know things. Which sucks because writers are writers so they don't have to know stuff! You get to just make shit up! I mean, sure, you can do research. But what if you don't know you need to do research when you're writing about something like, say, coordinates?! Obviously all coordinates must be positive, right? How can negative coordinates exist in the world?! That doesn't make any sense! Which is why latitude and longitude are totally fake news. Those places in negative latitudes and longitudes either don't exist or are composed of pure evil. Mainly I'm excited for the Aquaman/Deathstork team-up. I hope that becomes a forty-five issue maxi-series.

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Women’s Wrestling Revolution, “Identity Crisis”

It’s been like three months since I went to see wrestling in person, let’s see what happened:

Women’s Wrestling Revolution, “Identity Crisis”

Aurora Nightclub, Providence, Rogues Island

Crowd: 130, per Squared Circle Sirens

Show notes: I went with Mark and Mike, the first time the three of us had been to a show together since we saw Jushin Thunder Liger in August. It was cold, cold, cold. Luke Bryan (sp?) was in town playing at the hockey rink, so downtown was packed with fans of, I’m guessing here, country music. A lot of camo, anyway. Our normal dinner spot was jam packed, so we went to a Korean barbecue place down the street from the venue. Let me tell you: I love some dang ol’ Korean barbecue. The spicy chicken, the crunchy vegetables, the kimchi, the purple rice. Buddy, I am hungry just thinking about it. Anyway, the show.

Sea Stars (Delmi Exo & Ashley Vox) w/Jocelyn vs. Maria Manic and Penelope Ford

The Sea Stars are New England locals who I’ve seen a bunch of times, and I’m happy to report they’re coming along well. They’ve improved by leaps and bounds, although they’re still a little green. They have kind of a Chikara vibe, like they carry a trident around, and their manager/friend/whatever was dressed as Left Shark, essentially. Ford and Manic were doing the unapproachable stuck-up blonde thing, and the match had a lot of energy, but was pretty sloppy in some parts. Just like at Beyond shows, there’s no seating, but because all the wrestlers are women and wrestling fans seem like creeps, they were hyper vigilant about separating the crowd from the wrestlers when matches would spill out of the ring. I’ve never been shoved by so many men dressed like referees in my life. Sea Stars win with the Hart Attack. Rating: Two Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Willow Nightingale vs. Skylar

I hadn’t seen Willow Nightingale before, but she has kind of a LuFisto physique with a Solo Darling persona, although less hyper. Significantly less hyper; Solo Darling is really trowelling it on these days. Skylar is another local, familiar from Blitzkrieg Pro, and is also improving significantly but still green. This match was actually pretty dang good, with a lot of submission holds traded back and forth and some really impressive stuff from Nightingale, including a really nice Fisherman’s Suplex. Good match, but it was one of those face vs. face things that sucks some of the air out of the room. It’s OK to have a wrestler people hate! Rating: Two And A Half Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Sonya Strong vs. Vanity

This was a huge amount of fun. The women’s wrestling equivalent of a hoss fight. I hope that’s not taken in any way other than totally complimentary. It is what it is. Wrestling is about, among other things, bodies, and these athletes have bodies that might be described, in some circles, as thicc. They’re both tremendous wrestlers though, and Strong in particular is great at being the arrogant heel who hates the crowd. The goofy crowd responded to her heel behavior with adoring cheers, though, which is an epidemic at the indie level. I maintain that Matt Riddle is still working heel, it’s just indie fans are too good at outsmarting themselves to realize it. Anyway, Strong basically ran the show here, brutalizing Vanity for much of the match until a late, desperate rally that was ended by a nasty-looking Dragon Suplex. After the match, Strong had words for Veda Scott, who was doing commentary for the show. Rating: Three And A Half Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Karen Q vs. Tasha Steelz

Something of a mismatch, as Karen Q is significantly larger than Steelz, who was working heel but also the underdog. I had seen Karen Q wrestle before and was vaguely impressed, but she was fantastic in this match, just tremendous athleticism and, why not, I’ll say, “ring psychology.” She let Steelz stay in the match by selling like a fiend before finally wrapping things up with a Boston Crab. It helps that Q has fantastic new ring gear. That shouldn’t matter, but it does. Imagine Bruiser Brody in white trunks and normal boots. See? Rating: Three Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Davienne & Belmont w/Sammi Lane vs. The Twizted Sisterz (Thunder Rosa and Holidead)

The WWR (and maybe Rhode Island?) debut of the Sisterz, who have a terrible name but a a great Dia de los Muertos gimmick and work fantastically together, like an actual tag team is supposed to. Their opponents are locals and I can’t really figure them out. They have kind of a dominatrix gimmick (Belmont used to be “Mistress Belmont”) but kind of not? There’s something unsavory about them, anyway, and they’re really good at traditional heel stuff like cheating and being deeply annoying. Davienne screams in a way that’s like nails on a chalkboard. The Sisterz do most of the work in this match, which is fine, because they’re good wrestlers. Sammi Lane distracts the ref, enabling the cheap roll-up with a handful of tights, but the Sisterz get revenge by beating the hell out of Lane while Belmont and Davienne scamper back to the locker room. That’s classic wrestling storytelling, my friends. Rating: Three And A Half Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

INTERMISSION

Ring announcer Rich Palladino starts off the break by reminding us all not to grope the wrestlers. I don’t really mind these exhortations to behave like normal, non-criminal human beings, because let’s face it, there are at least a few wrestling fans who really need these guidelines to be explicit. I’m an unmarried dunce in my 30s who collects wrestling magazines and I’m Noel Coward compared to some of these guys. Just watching some of the interactions with the wrestlers at intermission (I always want to say “halftime”) was cringe-inducing. I was talking with two people and some guy who looked like a M.U.S.C.L.E. toy in a Bullet Club shirt was making a beeline for Sonya Strong and, instead of just stepping around us, stood at the edge of our three person huddle and kept saying, in a robotic monotone, “Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me” because we were in the direct path of Strong. We silently parted ways and watched him interact with Strong the way you or I might interact with a vending machine.

Speaking of creeps, I am one, although not quite as bad as M.U.S.C.L.E. guy, and my big goal for the evening was getting a mark picture with Su Yung, a wrestler I have wanted to see since 2015, and the reason I bought a ticket to the show in the first place. I thought I had glimpsed her before the show, in a Papa Hales T-shirt and with a bandanna over her face, talking to the bar staff, perhaps letting them know that, in a venue with both a Su Yung match and a bar, the two will inevitably collide. For most of the long (45 minutes) intermission, though, she was nowhere to be seen, and I was modestly bummed out. 

Then, just a few minutes before the end of intermission, she came out in full paint and Blood Bride garb, not to sell merch or pose for pictures, just to make a circuit of the room and creep people out. You know someone has something special when other wrestlers stop to take pictures of them. My pure beef heart went pitter-patter and I was stoked for the second half of the show. Speaking of which:

Gabi Castrovinci vs. Barbi Hayden

Castrovinci is no longer Raquel (let go from TNA) and Hayden is no longer blonde. Gabi was wearing the Shine tag team belt she currently holds with Santana Garrett, who is working for TNA now. Hayden looked better than I’ve ever seen her, really playing up the heelish tactics which, of course, made the goofy-ass crowd cheer for her. Hayden had to carry Castrovinci, who’s still pretty green, but is at least coming into her own. She won with kind of a sloppy cross armbreaker, and I thought the match was a bit lacking overall, but later on one of my friends said it had been his favorite of the night, so you know, de gustibus non est disputandum. Rating: Two Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Alexis Rose vs. Veda Scott

I am not hugely familiar with Alexis Rose, but she is one of the wrestlers who was in that (to date) one-off ITV World of Sport revival with Jim Ross, and she apparently trained in gymnastics, which I feel like is a vast pool of untapped potential for wrestling. She came out to a version of “Kiss From a Rose” and got the crowd singing along, but then Veda came out, and people in Providence love Veda. I don’t even mind that they cheer for the heel in her case, because her constant barrage of sarcasm and whiny protests to the referee are more like the stuff you get from a bratty kid sister. She is a lot of fun, is what I’m saying, and almost impossible to dislike. Wrestling-wise, this match was a bit spotty, maybe because the two were unfamiliar with each other. Both looked good in spots, but there was some awkwardness. Veda got the win and Rose got a “please come back” chant. Rating: Two And A Half Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Renee Michelle vs. Jordynne Grace

Another WWR debut, this time from Michelle, who has kind of a Hania-esque gimmick. Or maybe Hania has a Reneee Michelle-esque gimmick? I don’t know. No way to know. Only way to settle this is in the squared circle. But first! Jodynne Grace. At midnight on show night, she would turn 21. She’s really young and is already pretty dang impressive as a wrestler. Definitely capable of being in a Lady Hoss division with Sonya Strong, Vanity, and Karen Q. This looked to be a mismatch, because Michelle is much smaller, but got-dang, can she go in the ring. Really impressive array of offense from Michelle, based around the simple story of trying to chop down the bigger wrestler, who kept relying on her superior size. Grace won with a bear hug, which is normally a piss-poor submission hold, but in this case the size differential actually made it look impressive. After the match Penelope Ford brought Jordynne a birthday shot, which Jordynne drank and pronounced “disgusting.” Tip the bar staff, folks! Rating: Three And A Half Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

Su Yung vs. Rachael Ellering

Su came out and sprayed a plume of red mist in the air. I got some on my hands and face. I was really happy about that. Much happier than I would be in practically any other context in which someone is spitting red food color on me. This match went like lots of Su Yung matches have gone since the dawn of her Blood Bride character, but that’s fine, because I love those matches: the other wrestler is a normal person and not entirely sure about how to engage Su, who is a crazy person and bumps like you’d expect a crazy person to bump. Lots of brawling, moving quickly onto the floor and then, naturally, to the bar, where Su’s matches tend to go. Ellering hit a nasty suplex on Su on the nightclub floor. I have to say, Ellering looked really good in this match. She’s been coming along very quickly since making her debut in Shine not long ago. This match was originally going to be Ellering vs. Tessa Blanchard, but the latter had to pull out to film that movie the Rock is doing about Paige. Fine with me, man, this was great. Once they got back into the ring, there was a lot of back and forth offense, with Ellering getting the upper hand but not being able to put Su away. Su mists the ref by mistake and Ellering hits her finisher for the win. I BOOED. It doesn’t really matter, though, Su’s matches aren’t about winning or losing, they’re about the amount of insane punishment Su can take. Su got a nice “Su! Su! Su!” chant afterwards. Rating: Four Luke Bryan (sp?) Fans.

After the show, we waited around a bit and Su came out late, taking pictures with basically everyone. I got my mark picture and bought a signed photo, because I SUPPORT THE BOYS. There was a Dylan Thomas quote on the photo, oddly. She gave me a Fest Wrestling pin. As we talked, the DJ was playing “Washington Bullets” by the Clash. I felt light-headed. She seemed very nice, although, you know, I haven’t really met any wrestlers who seemed horrible. Actually, wait, a guy who’s a regular at NEW shows was a complete asshole when I ran into him in December. If you see me at a show, ask me for the full story of bad manners.

We went back to get our car, but the garage was full of Luke Bryan (sp?) fans departing the concert, so we went back to the venue to have a beer. Su and the Twizted Sisters were in civilian clothes but still had the facepaint on and were dancing around to the DJ music waiting for promoter Drew Cordeiro to drive them to their hotel. I had an Abita, which is a solid beer. Everyone in Rhode Island drinks Narragansett, and folks, you can do better than that.