#but it's still frustrating!
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Fffffrustrated with myseeeeeelf AGH I'm just really tired of disappointing myself constantly and never being able to get (enough) work done even when I have all the time in the world
and it makes me legitimately so worried that I'll never be able to accomplish anything because I'm running on an engine that can only go for a few seconds before stalling out and refusing to restart. just a broken down shell of a human man stuck in amateur limbo forever and ever
#monster noises#I know it's a bit early in the evening for this kind of post but today's been rough#I couldn't get myself to sit down and start working until 4pm#and as soon as I sat down i knew it was going to be a struggle#that I just wasn't in the mood for what I wanted to work on and I had no ideas#and if I had fucking started earlier in the day maybe I could have taken the time to find something that would get me in the mood#or been able to pivot to other things instead#but because it's f o u r I'm going to be having dinner soon#and I don't like working after dinner if I can help it#and I'm trying not to go to bed as late as I have been#so I just packed it in and put everything away for the day after about an hour#and after the success of yesterday that defeat feels like Such a huge bummer#but even the success of yesterday is tempered with like#I've been off for nearly five weeks now and I both only started and finished The Thing I was going to work on while on break#now??#and considering it only took me a couple days I should have been able to do this like.. week 2 or 3!#or at least I should have started it then!#but so So many of these days have been me just fucking around doing nothing#and not even relaxing I've been stressed this whole fucking time#and I kn o w I know this isn't a six week vacation#I'm recovering from surgery so I couldn't have expected myself to have full energy the whole time#or for the experience to be like some kind of writers retreat#but it's still frustrating!#because it's the exact same song and dance everytime I get space to be free of my day job and just do Art#I flounder it!#I flounder it over and over and over#and it's really hard not to just sink and suffocate in the feeling that I'll never get better and I'll never be able to accomplish anything#because I'm fucking Like This#it feels Embarrassing#it feels Pathetic
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it's so fucking frustrating to be in college and know everyone uses chatgpt and to be tempted by it constantly while also knowing intellectually that it doesn't work and it's a bad idea. like, i hang out in the library a lot, and i see people using chatgpt on assignments almost every day. and i know it isn't a good way to learn, because it's not really "artificial intelligence" so much as it is an auto text generator. and it gives you wrong information or badly worded sentences all the time. but every week i stare down assignments i don't want to do and i think man. if only i could type this prompt into a text generator and have it done in 10 minutes flat. and i know it wouldn't work. it wouldn't synthesize information from the text the way professors want, it wouldn't know how to answer questions, it just spits out vaguely related words for a couple paragraphs. but knowing my classmates get their work done in 10 minutes flat with it while i fight every ounce of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in my body is infuriating.
#text#like i KNOW it doesnt work but i still want to use it which is SO FRUSTRATING#bc i DONT want to use it. but its TEMPTING.
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i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us
#and still be mad at shithead executives for unfairly cancelling my pirate show#also imagine what my ao3 word count will be like. gonna be writing my little fics in the nursing home#sometimes when i get frustrated over my writing i have to remember that i've only been doing it for a little over a year#and not in my native language#there is still so much time and so much to learn and try and discover and explore and i am EXCITED#there is something so ancient and beautiful about humans being brought together by stories#storytelling is what humans have always done and will always do and what will always connect us#to our past to the future to each other#sorry for the 1 am ramblings#fandom#🐭📓
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i hate to say it because i'm neurodivergent and a chronic-pain-haver but like... sometimes stuff is going to be hard and that's okay.
it's okay if you don't understand something the first few times it's explained to you. it's okay if you have to google every word in a sentence. it's okay if you need to spend a few hours learning the context behind a complicated situation. it's okay if you need to read something, think about it, and then come back to re-read it.
i get it. giving up is easier, and we are all broken down and also broke as hell. nobody has the time, nobody has the fucking energy. that is how they win, though. that is why you feel this way. it is so much easier, and that is why you must resist the impetus to shut down. fight through the desire you've been taught to "tl;dr".
embrace when a book is confusing for you. accept not all media will be transparent and glittery and in the genre you love. question why you need everything to be lily-white and soft. i get it. i also sometimes choose the escapism, the fantasy-romance. there's no shame in that. but every day i still try to make myself think about something, to actually process and challenge myself. it is hard, often, because of my neurodivergence. but i fight that urge, because i think it's fucking important.
especially right now. the more they convince you not to think, the easier it will be to feed you misinformation. the more we accept a message without criticism, the more power they will have over that message. the more you choose convenience, the more they will make propaganda convenient to you.
#personal#this also applies to ai art and stuff. like#artists and crafters and non-ai users took the time space and energy to learn things#bc we are actually LEARNING them. and it takes actual SKILL.#i know the skill is long to learn and often annoying. i still get frustrated about my art bc it's not good#but i do it myself. bc i respect that it IS a skill.#ai writing a book for you is not YOU learning how to write a book. and it took me a lifetime to write a book. i get it.#ai drones running a marathon don't run the marathon for u#there are things i cannot due to my disability. lol marathons being 1. there are things u can't do either#this is about stretching yourself in the ways that are healthy and good for you.#ai learning for u in ur classes is NOT healthy. u are not learning.#''but otherwise i won't pass''#first of all that's a self-defeating prophecy. and many of us who thought we wouldn't pass DID pass#and secondly. CHALLENGE urself. ur paying for college anyway. don't pay just to let AI learn for u.
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eat him alive <3
#house md#gregory house#michael tritter#screencap#s03e06 “Que Será Será”#no matter how i look at it tritter arc is a mystery#it doesnt work no matter what#if you ride for pigs - tritter is neutralised not justified#against - theres no retribution or satisfaction at the end of this arc - just frustration all the way#ig s3 is too early to sent house to prison or give disease to that fucker#they also kinda make him use some of the same lines as house. but even he was an ingenious detective it still wouldnt compare
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who is your favorite AA character? 👁️👁️
ziska… I hope capcom brings her back someday
#shes cool as fuck to me bc when I first played jfa I found her really frustrating to deal with#not just as Phoenix but I mean like on a personal level she is challenging because she’s so thorough#and yet I also find it fascinating that she breaks the character she’s built for herself once in a while#i 100% believe that I don’t think she would have caught on to what Phoenix was trying to do while stalling for time with engardes trial#so it’s probably a good thing edgeworth subbed in but she literally busts her ass to bring evidence to court#almost right after having a bullet extracted from her WHICH SHE ALSO PRESENTS AS EVIDENCE. thats metal as fuck ok#especially since she would technically have nothing to do with the case after edgeworth fills in and she still decided to do that anyway#maybe it was blind faith to use that evidence to win since she wasn’t there for most of the trial but still#and even if canon doesn’t give it to me I still firmly believe there’s be at least some chemistry between her and Maya#like especially if you hold it next to wrightworth that works bc there’s already a history there and majority of Phoenix and miles trying#to relearn their relationship is Phoenix coaxing out that side of Miles that he remembers from fourth grade#but with Franmaya it’s something new and they’re basically strangers to each other and one of them almost got the other convicted#and I still think that’s fascinating and it’s a damn shame thay half of the fics I find for them on ao3 is background in wrightworth fic#i did find a good one that touched on Franziska trying to win pearls approval because Pearl does hold a grudge against her#and seeing that trying to live up to perfecting even her personal relationships without getting to know Pearl to even know#why it wasn’t working feels believable when I think abt her as a character yk#myart#my art#doodles#aa#ace attorney#franziska von karma
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Jason's been pestering Danny about why he looks like a borderline walking corpse for ages and Danny has decided to put his lying skills to the test. (he has none)
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I've been playing w the idea that the more Danny transforms, the more his ghost form gets "lively" while his human form gets weaker and more sickly. He knows that if he keeps transforming like this then, one day, he's not going to have a livable body to go back to, but he really doesn't want to think about all that. He's more interested in the weird "totally dead but not dead" Wayne son who may or may not have a thing for his sister.
everytime i do one these im like "this time I'll keep it simple so I don't have to suffer through colouring bc I have zero foresight—it'll be greyscale at most" and then all of the sudden its 4am and i'm trying to finish a stupid comic but i decided to add "some" colour to spice it up and hide my shitty ink job and then SOME COLOUR ALWAYS BECOMES FULL COLOUR WHY CAN I NOT ESCAPE THIS STUPID CYCLE!!
(did this all stem from me not being able to decide between a super pale character design and one w a vibrant tan bc I love white hair + tan but I also love extremely pale albino so I forced myself to find a way to make both work? never! that's absurd!)
#digital art#artists on tumblr#fanart#illustration#comic#danny phantom fanart#danny fenton#danny phantom#dc x dp#dc x dp crossover#dc x dp fanart#if u couldn't tell from the rambles#i ended up colouring this comic bc of the stupid transition at the beginning#the things i do for a silly transition#they bring me joy#and oh so much frustration#as a multishipper i find it really hard to put ships in aus like this#im still debating whether imma have anger management in this or not#cause im down for the chaos they would bring as both platonic and romantic#also Danny is sus of Jason bc he thinks hes trying to get w Jazz#Jasons sus of the Fentons Jazz is so nice its suspicious and Danny just radiates uncanny valley#my art#my comic#dp x dc#psychiatrist Jazz au
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Shiny Masquerain & Shiny Aggron ko-fi doodle for cyrus!
#artists on tumblr#pokemon#masquerain#aggron#gotchibam arts#ko-fi doodle#apologies if this took so long! 🙏 but I hope u still like it!! <3#I was supposed to stream this yesterday but my pocket wifi suddenly won't connect to the internet despite having load :[#I have no idea what's wrong w/ it ._.#now im forced to buy a new one.....#im not even sure if i'll be able to buy yet since im very tight on budget rn 😞#had to use the free wifi at the mall for now to post this#waugh..... it's such an unfortunate timing too it's frustrating 😣
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original by @ crawfishcomic below cut
#i don't know the tumblr of the person who posted this in the dunmesh discord. but thank you for the idea#dungeon meshi#labru#kabru starting to openly express his frustration in increasingly convoluted ways because laios will still see him as a friend at the end of#the day is the only way i can see their relationship developing
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something something giant isopod sharing is caring pass the detritus
inprnt
#giant isopod#marine biology#artists on tumblr#inprnt#I tried coming up with a pun but nothing popped up#cackLES#there's also another print up on inprnt that I'm waiting to post when I have other stuff settled 👀#technically inprnt is getting to see stuff a little earlier haha#also been noticing how my process has changed haha it's interesting#like I'll spend waaaaaay more time now nitpicking/adjusting colors which is fine#but like before when I was still in old process mindset I'd get frustrated and think the colors weren't coming out right#when what I needed was to spend more time figuring it out
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Sunset at Windrise - A study with original additions
#genshin fanart#genshin impact#genshin impact fanart#genshin#genshin venti#venti#genshin barbatos#windrise#I want to draw each nations statue with offerings#so the offering for venti would be a lot of alchol#and a lot of flowers#genshin statue with offerings#i had a lot of fun with this#even tho i did lose a bunch of progress with my dumb ass not saving something#drawing things i already did was kind of frustrating#but i did it and still finished the piece#i am never very good at telling when a piece is done#i just know that when no matter what i add or take from it it is not going to get any better#that means i need to stop working on it#mondstadt
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can you even imagine what a fucking horror show the early game is from spite's perspective, though. not only is this funky forcibly severed little slip of the fade having to deal with the reverse cosmic horror of physical reality as perceived by a spirit and being trapped in it against its will -- existentially confused and disoriented and hurting and nothing makes any kind of sense, at the mercy of human cruelty at its most deliberately sadistic. and then the one source of comfort and compassion and some kind of safety and clarity that lucanis surely must have been to him in the ossuary despite everything just goes and shuts himself in his room inside with a seemingly passive aggressive number of locks between them and no explanation and won't speak to him and they're STILL in the fucking ossuary. rook came and found them and they could be free now (rook is here!) and still lucanis keeps them in the ossuary even though he PROMISED he promised they'd get out of there together!!! what the fuck DO you think at that point? like did he trick me that whole time??? he wasn't like zara before, so why is he doing this to me now? why isn't he saying anything? 'he won't move. I can't reach him'. at least in the ossuary they had a deal, a goal, a hope -- each other. at least he wasn't entirely alone, before.
this poor poor poor little spite spirit really was ferried into the real world like 'hey welcome to reality! as your first introduction to it you're first getting horrifically tortured and then getting to vicariously experience one of THE most distressing and harrowing psychological conditions the human brain can cook up for itself (a fully fledged and deeply entrenched freeze response flaring up with catastrophic severity due to an unbroken ongoing and unlikely to let up any time soon chain of Unfortunately... Recent Events). I think spite is being extremely reasonable and patient about the whole thing, when you put it into perspective. I'm not saying let him eat the self-lighting candles or anything, but he's got some extremely valid points along the way lol. spite is not only child-like, the metaphor work going on is a lot more pleasingly flexible and complex than that, but he is also helplessly existentially dependent on lucanis in a way that, if anything, is a heightened version of the way a child (or child part) has to depend on a parent to navigate the world and survive.
tl;dr: we truly don't give enough sympathy to spite for having to live in the head of lucanis dellamorte. a place even lucanis dellamorte would prefer not to be. to be fair to him I think lucanis would be the first person to agree with this lol
#it's a lot like it would be if a spirit possessed me I suspect. like sorry you're in here too now I've tried to get out myself but no luck#possessor's remorse#spite very much did not have a choice in all of that he's just working with the hand he's been dealt here lol#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#spite#lucanis dellamorte#spite is such a little gremlin but looking at what's going on from his pov for even like a split second is so heartbreaking haha#one of my favourite parts of their relationship is that there clearly is affection of some sort on both sides even at the beginning#beneath the resentment and confusion and fear and mutual frustrations there is also real and enduring care#the fact that lucanis is genuinely kind and spite is genuinely loyal in his spirit-y way. I just. I need a moment.#the nice thing about playing a mourn watcher is that it's easy to imagine rook sort of glimpsing the outlines of some of this#and being quite understanding with spite even as they don't want to be invasive or step on lucanis' still-tender trauma toes about it#be nice to spite. like all of us he is Going Through it fr fr perhaps even more so. and he doesn't even get to have FIRE 😔#*grumbly spite voice* I hate this fucking family
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"The one who failed first"
#art#fanart#arcane fanart#arcane#jayce talis#jayce arcane#jayvik#sorry I don't have any valentine's art so yeah#enjoy!#i mean angst is still considered romantic right?#also yeah I always see about Old Viktor but I also thought#what about that first Jayce?#because technically one got sacrificed right?#I actually did this one week ago or so I just never posted it#slightly conflicted with this piece because it started as something else but then I got frustrated so ugh#I'm still salty about that mh mh#mangywayway
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#parkour civilization#pkciv#evbo#like dude its so frustrating sometimes#half of his problems could be solved by punching someone off the edge#like i know that its just a part of the world building but still
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Making myself cry thinking about SJ’s disembodied spirit watching the ending scene of SVSSS where SY runs toward Binghe, leaving yqy in the past.
SJ’s eyes widening at the resigned expression YQY is wearing, more vulnerable than it was when he was at death’s door a few days prior. SJ’s head swiveling back to where SY is running past him, words tumbling out of his mouth before he can suppress them.
“Wait! Stop!”
Trying to grasp onto the back of SQQ’s robes, spectral hands phasing through his body. Desperation clawing its way up Shen Jiu’s throat when he turns back to see YQY’s solitary figure.
“Don’t you dare leave him! You can’t—!”
But SQQ can and will happily leave behind YQY for a monster. And Shen Jiu is left grasping at black robes, hands slipping through fabric and flesh, all too aware of how long YQY stared at SQQ’s retreating form until it was just a speck in the sky. Ignorant to the nails trying to dig themselves into any part of him to let YQY know he’s not alone. The fervent whispers of a name long forgotten going unheard. YQY meditates throughout the night, completely unaware of the form curling around him and silently weeping.
#even at his most frustrated with YQY SJ never left the sect until it became necessary to protect yay#he enjoyed YQY’s misery when he was the one responsible for it because that meant that YQYs was still his#but to see him let go resigned that this new SQQ doesn’t consider him as such#he’d be horrified at the concept of yqy letting him go for real especially if he heard the Xuan Su reveal#SJ petting YQY’s face and asking who will protect you now#this is where the ghost fucking thread on Bsky was always headed but I got distracted#svsss#yue qingyuan#qijiu#shen jiu#10thmusemoon fics
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heyyyy *leans on old halo art i never posted*
#my art#fanart#digital art#sketch#halo game#halo fanart#master chief#cortana#thel vadam#fernando esparza#echo-216#sangheili#orbital drop shock trooper#jameson locke#edward buck#kelly-087#frederic-104#linda-058#the weapon halo#theres a role reversal au where cortana is the spartan and chief is the ai. left out the art where i drew him with cortana's markings#another au where a destiny ghost revives sam. not sure where i was gonna go with that one tbh; but it was some good value practice#and that fantasy au i got frustrated on. i couldnt decide about the armor and other things but it was very fun overall#maybe i'll revisit it someday and hash the details out#and some sangheili practice which i still dont understand their anatomy (。_。)#ok i think thats it. heres to more halo art this year 💪
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