#but it's so hard when i've been conditioned to believe that i'm always going to be left behind

[hauntedwoman]

it kind of sucks that every time i start dating someone i really like i just abandon all of my hobbies and interests bc i'm so obsessed with keeping that person's attention and interest to the point where i'm barely a person anymore

[terrestrialnoob]

Harley crawled into the apartment. It was organized, but it looked like the occupant didn't have a lot of time for cleaning. She walked softly through it, taking it in. There were photos of her target and what had to be her family, but no friends or romantic partners. Some had a pair of older adults, matching traits meant bio-parents. More of the photos were of the target and a younger boy - a little brother, the highest likelihood of becoming another target if things go bad.

Harley continued forward, following the light to where her target was. She stood in the doorway, looking in.

Dr. Jasmine Fenton, Arkham Asylum's newest psychologist, just got her degree and everything. She did what most newbies do, actually thinking she could get through to the Joker. Harley didn't want to say it was impossible, but everyone who tried ended up in a new job or dead. Harley would try and make sure it was the former and not the later.

Harley watched as the redhead read over a file as she ate from a takeout box. She didn't want to scare the girl, yet. The scaring her away from Joker came later. So, she had to wait for the perfect moment to-

"I know you're there." Jasmine didn't look up from her file, but held out the last box of Chinese food in Harley's direction. "There's plenty if you want some."

"Awe, you ruined the surprise." Harley walked out of the shadows of the hallway into the girl's home office. She snatched the offered box of food and took a few bites as she jumped to sit on the desk.

"I'm hard to sneak up on." Jasmine said, closing her file and finally looking at Harley. "So, Dr. Quinzel, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit this evening?"

"Oh, call me Harley!" She laughed, she wasn't called Dr. all that often any more. She tapped her chop sticks on the file Jasmine just closed. "I thought you'd like a consult on your new patient, Dr. Fenton. I've got a lot of experience with him."

"I prefer to go by Jazz." She said with a smile, "While I appreciate the offer, I'd like to see how far I can get on my own. And, sorry, but I'm pretty sure your license was revoked."

Harley nodded as she swallowed to get the noodles out of her mouth. "I get it! You're new, fresh outta school, gotta prove yourself. But Joker ain't the guy to do that with. He eats people like us for breakfast, and in all the years he's been in Arkham, no one's been able to get anywhere with him."

Jazz sighed, "I don't like to believe people are lost causes. There's always something we can do to help."

"You can't help everyone, especially when they don't want it. And it's not just a question if whether or not he can be saved or whatever." Harley set down the now empty box, Jazz pointed to another one that still had food in it, but Harley declined. "If you keep it up, he'll think you're worth his time to torment. There's no telling what he'll do when he inevitably gets himself out again."

"I'll be fine." Jazz said, but Harley had to cut her off before she said something stupid.

"It's not just you! You've got family out there he can target, your parents. Your Brother! Anyone you date will become a target! He'll do everything in his power to make your life miserable!"

Jazz chuckled. "If he wants to target my family, his funeral. My parents are - were supervillains. They've really only become less- well, hyper-focused on eradicating an entire race of being- in the past few years. And my brother - I'm pretty sure he's conditionally immortal. So that's nothing to worry about."

"If it's conditional, Joker will find a way around it." Harley said, but she had to admit, this might have been an unnecessary trip. "You sure y'ain't got nothing to worry about? What about you? How conditional is your mortality?"

Jazz smiled. Her mouth seemed too wide and with too many teeth. "Oh, I am nowhere near immortal. But..."

She stood up and the room was suddenly a black void. Toxic green eyes and mouths filled with glowing white teeth opened around them. "I doubt anyone could get close enough to test it."

The room was suddenly back to normal, but whatever that thing was was still there. Harley could see its eyes watching her with amusement from inside Jazz's oversized cardigan.

"Well, I guess this really was a wasted trip. You've clearly got it covered."

"Not entirely." Jazz said, her hand wend up to her neck to rub nervously, "Well, you see... I don't really have a lot of friends. People tend to get - uh, creeped out, you know? Or chased off by my parents or brother or whatever..."

"You wanna be friends?" Harley laughed so hard she almost fell over.

Jazz's face turned bright red and the shadow eyes looked way less amused. "Yeah, stupid question. You've clearly got your own things going on."

"No! No, no." Harley had to take several deep breaths before she could look Jazz in the face again. "I 100% wanna hang out with you!"

"Really?"

"Oh yeah." She took another deep breath, "I mean, I really should have made a support system before trying to take on the Joker back when I worked for Arkham. This" she pointed between them "can only end well."

Jazz's face turned brighter than the sun. "Oh my gosh! This is amazing! We should - I have Thursday's and weekends off - What - what kind of things should we-"

Oh man, Jazz was like an excited kid. She must have had a really lonely childhood... they can psychoanalyze each other later. "Come over for girl's night next week. I'll tell my gf and bff to expect an extra person... Does the-" she motioned to the cardigan creature "-go everywhere you go? Does it need food?"

"Oh, don't worry about Jet, they only eat who I tell them to."

Harley barked out more laughter. "You're going to fit right in!"

Now featuring a Part 2

[ethanthealien]

Things That Hurt When You Have Fibromyalgia That Should Not Hurt:

Blood pressure cuffs when doctors take your blood pressure.

A simple poke from someone else, especially on the tender points

Tripping over something - only mildly, not a bad trip. I trip over things and it hurts like a Bitch.

If I accidentally graze my arm or my body against a wall a bit or something, it also hurts like a Bitch. Again, I'm not talking about badly, I'm not being pushed into a wall or something.

Standing. Just for a few seconds. I actually don't know for sure if this is really a part of my fibromyalgia or actually normal for everyone. But it really fucking hurts to stand for even a few seconds.

Walking for even just an hour hurts. And the longer I walk, the worse it hurts.

The simple act of. Cooking. It hurts to hold the pots/pans, especially with one hand. I can't really lift pans/pots because I'm weak, but also it just Hurts. It hurts to mix things in the pots/pans.

(Others can feel free to add on).

Common Descriptions Of Pain When You Have Fibromyalgia:

Feeling like your whole body is bruised, or some parts of your body.

"Feels like I was in a car crash"

Stiffness, throbbing, aching, soreness, tenderness, fatigue. Your body feels exhausted, and not even necessarily that YOU feel tired, but your body feels tired.

"Feels like being stabbed with a knife"

"Like someone has taken a hammer and hammered all over my body"

"Like I'm hungover"

"Like I ran a marathon"

"Like perpetually having the flu", "Like you have a fever constantly"

“It feels like I’ve been carrying two huge buckets of water that I can’t put down.”

"Like I did a full body workout"

(Amongst many other descriptions)

Common Habits I've Developed Throughout My Life As A Result Of Having Fibromyalgia:

Constantly leaning against walls and frequently switching which foot I'm leaning on more.

Asking people if they wanted to sit down, or if they wanted a chair to sit down somewhere, because I thought they were in pain too. Them declining and me thinking "but doesn't it hurt to stand?? You've been standing for like 15 minutes, aren't you in pain??" They are not.

Constantly sitting down, and/or wanting to sit down, wishing I had a place to sit down.

Not really a habit, but I always end up freaking out a bit when I worry that I've hurt someone. I realized that I would constantly apologize to my girlfriend because I thought I hurt her accidentally (very mild things I mean, I'm not saying I fucking punch him or some shit lmfao), only for her to be confused and say that it didn't hurt. It takes conscious effort to remember that what hurts me does not hurt most other people without fibromyalgia or a different chronic pain condition.

I've had fibromyalgia for pretty much my entire life.

I believed that these things were normal for everyone.

I would look at people and watch how they'd do things like simply lifting up a box or the ways people talk about walking for hours just for fun and just not understand why they were doing it because that hurts?

Growing up, when my brother would ""lightly"" punch me, or my dad would poke me, etc., it always hurt really bad, and my brother shamed me (my brother was severely abusive in many ways, yes) and would go "oh my God, please, you're being dramatic, I didn't even punch you/poke you hard at all." I truly don't think he WAS punching me that hard, I just had fibromyalgia so it hurt like twenty times worse (I'm not excusing his behavior, by the way, I'm just explaining that things that would hurt somebody with fibromyalgia wouldn't hurt most other people without it).

I grew up constantly wishing that I could float so that I didn't have to walk or stand.

I was always aware that I had certain spots around my body that felt much more painful than other parts of my body, such as the sides of my arms, my hips, etc. I also just figured this was how it is for everyone.

If you relate to anything this post, I definitely suggest seeing a rheumatologist or a neurologist (I was diagnosed by a rheumatologist) and finding out the cause of your pain.

None of these things are "normal."

[homunculus-argument]

I was born and raised American, but with everything that's happened over the past few years I've been considering moving to another country. but I don't know if this is just "the grass is greener". Not sure if this really fits with your blog, but as someone from Europe what's your attitude towards living in the US?

I've visited there a handful of times and most of my thoughts are "damn bitch, y'all really live like this?" People in Finland like to complain about the climate, the taxes, and how stingy the welfare systems are (if you currently rely on them) or how costly they are (if you're currently not relying on them), but honestly most of the time that's because people are used to having it so good, or don't really have a perspective of how bad everyone would be doing without the infrastructure that everything runs on.

Sure, nowhere is perfect, and there's always room for improvement, but honestly the people I've met in the US only really seem to think that their system is good because they've never been anywhere else and don't know any better.

Mostly it's stuff that you'd never think about if you hadn't been to both places, like being able to trust that tap water is drinkable or that you can safely walk/bike to wherever you need to go. The US really doesn't have the kind of ability to just hang out in public places, just walking to the town and sitting on benches. Having public parks and libraries isn't really the same if you can't just walk there, and you genuinely need a car to go anywhere.

I moan and lament a lot about how the winters here are hard to endure - at the darkest time of the year the sun rises at 9 and sets before 5 pm - but I wouldn't move from here just because of that, mainly because of how reliably everything is structured here. Sure, it's all run with funds from relatively high taxes, but that is a self-feeding loop on its own. The tax-paying workforce isn't a disposable resource that's wrung dry once and tossed out when it's broken, but even when you're just another cog in the machine, you're one that's maintained, not replaced if broken.

I had a lot of breakdowns when I was younger, largely due to depression and other mental issues I had due to the undiagnosed ADHD. When I started breaking down at work in my old factory job, they couldn't just fire me on the spot because of the workers' union fought tooth and nail to make sure that you can't throw people out for getting sick, and mental illness is treated no different from other health issues. I was allowed to take two years off work in order to study into a career I thought would fit me better. That didn't turn out well either, but I was still allowed to bounce back and forth between odd jobs, sick leave, and studying - all on government pensions during the spots when I wasn't working a wage - until I found the right diagnosis, the right medications, and the right job.

It's not a hyperbole to say that I owe my life to the ample and studry social welfare systems that Finland has in place. Sure, you're just another brick in the wall, a cog in the machine, but if you keep breaking down, it takes a long time until they completely give up on you if you can somehow make them believe that you're trying, because it's cheaper for the tax system to figure out how to make you fit into the machine than just toss you out. A human being is an expensive investment and if getting you to the right job, education, diagnosis, medication or even arranged housing is what it takes to get your ass back into the workforce, they'll at least try.

I'm perfectly happy to pay the taxes here to fund the system that helped me onto my feet when I was in no condition to function, and to support the people who never do recover, find their place, or be able to support themselves on their own. And I can live with the peace of mind that even if I fall apart again, that safety net is still there. It's brutal, pragmatic, and regards your health and welfare as a means to an end - to get you working and paying taxes again - but they still do prioritise your welfare. Cogs are cheaper to maintain than replace.

[deareststurns]

'REGRET' - MATTHEW STURNIOLO

☆ pairing. Matthew Sturniolo × NLS! Reader (nate's little sister)

☆ summary. In which Matt took his best friends sisters virginity and can't seem to shake the guilt.

☆ requested. Nope wrote this while mad

☆ warnings. Angst, arguing, no happy ending, matt’s a asshole sorry, crying, no established relationship.

☆word count. 629

☆ A/N. THIS IS A REPUBLISH

Part 2 HERE

It was dark and completely silent.

The only sounds that could be heard were breathing and the sound of the car on the road heading to the park against the wet street from the thunderstorm.

Neither of you has said a word and the vibe in the car isn't normal. It makes you want to squirm in your seat and the unfamiliar feeling.

You don't know what’s going on, one minute you are in your room chilling the next you're sitting in Matt Sturniolo’s car.

Many people would kill to be in the same car as the person they've loved for who knows how long. And so would you, but at this very moment you’d do anything to get out of it.

One moment he's fucking you dumb on his cock and treating you so good after he took your virginity, and now a couple of days later he's acting differently towards you.

Does he hate you?

Were you not good?

What if you scared him off?

Your mind races with thoughts, and a specific one you don't even want to think of….what if he regrets taking your virginity?

Unfortunately, you were right, and that's how you ended up parked at the local park and having that exact conversation with Matt.

“Nls, we never should've done what we did.” The first words that left his mouth since you got into the car.

You can't lie it stings.

Matt. The one man you trusted to take your virginity. Matt. The man you've been in love with since your brother Nate first introduced you to him.

“What do you mean?” you ask, a shakiness to your voice trying so hard to not let it be known that you're upset. By the end of the conversation, you know tears are going to be spilled.

“Nls please, you know what I mean, please don't make me say it,” he says also seeming in the same conditions as you.

“Say it, Matthew.” Not fully wanting to believe what's happening. It is almost as though you need reassurance.

“I've been feeling guilty about fucking you. It never should've happened, I mean you're my best friend's little sister. It's almost as though it feels like a betrayal on my part.” he rambles, not a breath the whole time.

“So what you regret the thing we shared…something I’ll NEVER forget, something I trusted YOU with?” Tears now streaming looking him straight at him, fingers now coming to point at him, and voice cracks coming out the angrier you get.

“I’m sorry, but we never should’ve done anything that we did. I regret it more and more every time I think about it.” He says voice starting to get angrier and get a raspy tone.

“So you do think about it?” you ask.

“Of course I do how couldn’t i? I took your innocence for fuck sake.” He says.

“Because I trusted you to Matt, I only wanted you to because I'm in love with you and I always have been. I was so happy when you agreed because I got what I wanted Matt. You.” Tears staining your face and your voice sounded raspy and odd from the weeping.

“Get out,” he says not even taking his eyes off of yours. No thoughts behind the back of his mind.

“W-what?” you ask not thinking you heard him correctly.

“Fucking get out of my car Nls.” Clenched jaw and anger lacing his tone.

You get out sobs coming out of your mouth as you step into the rain and watch him drive off.

All you wanted was him.

[that-sarcastic-writer]

Terms and Conditions

Russell Shaw X F!Doctor!Reader

Summary: when your sister's fiance goes missing, you call Colter for help, and he brings along his rugged, but handsome and charming older brother, Russell.

Warnings: mature content, eventual smut so minors dni (always), no use of y/n, this part only contains cursing. I've never written anything so tame (it's okay next part won't be)

WC: 3.6k

A/N: so I finished tracker, yay and Russell owns my thoughts rn so here we are. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. I'm not great at writing series, but this idea called for development I can't do in a one-shot. I started this right after finishing tracker last week and I finally had time to proof read it. I also had a hard time with Russell's characterization, mans been in only one episode, so if i didnt portay him perfectly sorry i tried. Happy readings.

I don't do tag lists, if you'd like keep up with upcoming parts follow @midnightreadinglibrary and turn on notifications (I only reblog my written works on there)

You have encountered a lot of grief and sorrow in your life. Pain, you were familiar with it. And you could safely say that one of the worst was heartbreak. You were all too familiar with that one. And right now, your baby sister was experiencing it, too.

“Rosie?” You called into your apartment as you kicked your shoes off and tossed your keys like they had offended you. With a heavy sigh, tired from a long and stressful day at the hospital, you dragged your sore feet through your apartment. 

The living room was empty, TV off. The kitchen was dark with the lights off. You frowned, calling your sister’s name, louder again. Couple seconds went by. Silence. You padded down the hall to the guest room. You could hear faint indistinct sounds. The closer you got to the guest room the clearer the sound became. It sounded like crying.

“Rosalie?” Your voice grew louder with concern as you opened the door to the bedroom, and there you saw your sweet baby sister, sobbing into her pillow. Your heart immediately sank and you rushed to her side. “Oh honey, it’s okay.”

You sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a hug. She held you tight as she cried. It broke your heart to see her like this.

“It’s not okay! He’s been gone for over a week!” She sobbed. You squeezed her shoulders as she sat up and sniffled. “Our wedding is in three months! Why hasn't he come back?”

You stared into her eyes, the same color as your own and you sighed, only being able to give her a look of sympathy in return. You didn’t want to tell her what you thought.

“I dunno.. I mean.. What if he just.. You know?” The look on your face said everything you couldn’t with words, and Rosie looked like she wanted to cry even more.

“He didn’t bail. He wouldn’t… I know him. He's missing, why won’t anyone believe me?” She raised her voice, almost choking on a sob, and you immediately felt so horrible for even suggesting such a thing. 

“No, hey, I’m sorry for saying that, I do believe you. Have you heard anything from the cops?” She shook her head and you sighed heavily. 

“I can’t keep waiting, what if he got hurt? What if someone hurt him? Please, I need to do something.” She begged you, eyes filled with tears, you had never seen your sister so sad, so hopeless. She was always the more bubbly, optimistic and lively out of the two of you. But ever since her fiance went missing, you didn’t see that spark anymore. It broke your heart.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. I think I know someone who can help, alright? We’ll find him.” 

~~~~~~~

“Hey Doc, to what do I owe this call? It’s been like what, three years?” 

You sighed softly at the voice on the other line. You didn’t exactly want to resort to this, but you didn’t know what else to do, but you had the money, your sister didn’t exactly have a lot to spare with her wedding planning, and all.

“I need a favor, Colter. Well, not exactly a favor, I’ll pay but, I need help asap.” You rubbed the side of your throbbing temple, you heard him hum, telling you to go on. “My sister’s fiance went missing last week. They’re supposed to get married in three months, and the poor thing is a wreck.”

Colter sighed. “A runaway groom? You know what that sounds like, right?”

“Yes, I know. But I know this guy, he’s a decent guy, and I know he loves my sister, he wouldn’t just leave her like this.” You tried to explain, Colter sighed again. “Listen, the guy was in the Army, he’s a Navy SEAL now, went overseas a lot, and my sister told me he’s been acting weird since his last assignment. Just humor me, please? I can’t see her like this.”

Colter stayed silent for a long minute, you honestly thought he had hung up, but you ultimately heard him take a deep breath before responding. “Fine, send me his details, I should get there by morning if I head out now.” 

“Thank you.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Chaos, chaos and more chaos.

You just wanted five minutes to breathe. You sat down, for the first time in hours today and took in a deep breath. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Rosie, almost zombie-like as she walked through the emergency department  You called out to her.

“Hey, did you get some sleep?” You asked her with worried eyes. She shrugged. “Listen, I called an old friend, he helps find people. Maybe he can find James, ‘cause the cops clearly aren’t going to.” You saw the smallest smile, and the smallest bit of hope light of her eyes.

“Really? What, is he like a PI or something?” She tilted her head at you, seemingly just as exhausted as you were.

“I mean..” You hesitated, unsure on how to explain Colter’s job to her. “I guess? He collects reward money. When someone goes missing and a reward is offered, he finds people for that reward.”

“But I didn’t offer any reward. I can’t even afford to buy a pair of shoes right now.. On my shitty nurse salary. I’ve already spent so much of my savings on planning the wedding. And these student loans are killing me. I can’t pay him.” She started to ramble in panic, motioning her hands around. You stood up and grabbed her hands.

“It’s fine. I got it covered. Take it as your early wedding gift?” You flashed her a toothy smile, hoping to humor her at least a little. She looked at you with apprehension. “Not a word, okay? I want him to come home to you, I don’t mind spending some money if it means you can be happy.”

She could have the happiness you never could.

Rosie’s eyes filled with tears and you thought she was going to burst into tears in the middle of the emergency department, but instead she hugged you, and she hugged you so fucking hard you thought she broke one of your ribs. You laughed softly and patted her head reassuringly. You were about to say something to her but you heard your name being called. You turned around and saw one of the rotation nurses.

“You have visitors at the front desk.” She told you. You scrunched up your face in confusion.

“Who? I wasn't expecting anyone.”

“Don’t know. The front desk just said two guys asked for you directly.”

Oh. Colter. But who was the other guy?

‘Alright, thanks.” You nodded at her. You then looked at Rosie with a warm reassuring smile and you held her hands in yours. “We’re gonna find James, I know it. I’ll let you know when my friend wants to meet with you, he normally likes to talk with the missing person’s closest relative. Try to focus on work alright?” 

You left her with that, hoping she would trust you. And you hoped you could trust Colter. With a heavy sigh you walked to the front desk of the emergency department. And there you saw Colter, hands in his pockets as he talked with another man you didn’t recognize. With a bit of skepticism, you approached both men, letting your presence be known with a clear of your throat. They both turned to look at you, Colter with a warm welcoming smile, but the other guy, who was arguably the hottest man you had ever seen in your life—not that it was relevant—looked at you like a deer in headlights, like starstruck.

“Hey Colter,” you gave him a cordial smile, then you looked at his slightly shorter companion, though both men were still a good head taller than you. “And Colter’s friend. Didn’t know you had a partner.”

“I don’t. This is—”

“Russell. Colter’s more handsome and charming older brother.” Russell interrupted, extending a hand to you. You looked at Colter, who looked less than impressed and you couldn’t help but snort a bit.

“I see the flirty nature is a family thing then?” You took Russell’s hand with a small laugh but you quickly swallowed when you felt the warmness of his large hand as it engulfed your smaller one. You weren’t really laughing then. You made eye contact with Russell, you had never seen a pair of prettier eyes, a breathtaking shade of green, and an intensity that was equally breathtaking. It didn’t help that he was smiling at you, too. 

You cleared your throat and took your hand back, choosing to look at Colter instead, “So uh, what’s the plan?”

“Right, well, first things first, I need more details about this James, think you could take an early lunch? I would also need to talk to your sister as soon as possible.” 

You chewed on your bottom lip, catching a glimpse of your watch before ultimately nodding, “Yeah, just give me an hour. We can meet at this cafe nearby, I’ll send you the address. You can meet with my sister after her shift. She’s been staying with me.”

They looked at each other for a second, shrugged then nodded at you. These two were definitely brothers. 

~~~~~~~~

You were frantic as you pulled into the cafe, running late after a code blue that took up almost the whole hour to get under control. You were sure that you looked like a mess, still in your scrubs, pieces of hair falling out of your bun as you entered the cafe. You were almost embarrassed that Russell was going to see you like this, you didn’t care too much about Colter, though. When you entered you saw them sitting at a booth, two cups of coffee sitting on the table but no food. You felt a bit bad. Colter noticed you and waved you over, making Russell turn his head to look at you. And somehow he didn’t seem to care about how wild you looked. 

“I’m so sorry. I had a code blue. I hope I didn’t waste your guy’s time.” You said almost frantic, barely able to catch your breath. You unconsciously sat next to Russell, who seemed quite happy about that.

“Nonsense. We were actually waiting for you to order, right Colt?” Russell reassured, and when you turned your head to look at him he was smiling at you, a toothy smile that made the corners of his eyes wrinkle a tiny bit, it was kind of cute, actually. 

“Yep. Russell insisted we waited. Even though we haven't eaten anything in over six hours.” Colter sighed sipping on his coffee. 

“Well at least one of you has manners.” You narrowed your eyes at Colter, and you heard Russell rumble a laugh.

“Y’know what? Let’s just focus on the case, okay?” You held back a laugh and simply nodded, trying to ignore the intoxicating scent of Russell beside you, a mixture of bourbon and sandalwood. 

Colter asked you a million questions, ones you had answers to, and others didn’t, which was probably best if he talked to your sister, too. Your food also arrived quickly, which you were thankful for since you hadn’t had anything other than the Keurig coffee from the doctors lounge. 

“So, you said James was in the army?” You nodded as you munched on a fry. “And is Navy SEAL now?” 

“Yeah, he went overseas every month or so. But after his last assignment a few weeks ago he told my sister about getting out.” You answered as you bit into your cheeseburger. You didn’t often like to indulge in greasy heavy foods, but you were beyond stressed from both work and your sister, so you needed some joy in your life.

“He wanted out? Why?” Russell asked beside you. You shrugged.

“I don’t know. One thing or another about being tired of being on the battlefield, wanting to be home more. Or that’s what Rosie told me.” You answered as you munched on your burger. You thought for a few seconds before speaking again. “But if you ask me, I think something went wrong in his last assignment. Rosie said he didn’t speak to her for a whole day after coming home, and that he was constantly on edge and irritable for weeks leading up to his disappearance.” 

“Maybe. Might be worth looking into.” Colter shrugged as he took a bit out of his sandwich. “You think we’d be able to look into his assignments overseas?” He asked Russell.

“Doubt it. If they’re classified, which most likely they are, they’d either have little to no paper trail, or they would be heavily secured.” Russell said with a mouthful of fries, which Colter clearly disapproved of. But Russell paid no mind to it, his attention was all on you.

“How do you know?” You asked Russell with genuine curiosity. He half grinned a bit.

“I used to be in the Army too. Spec ops. That's why Colter brought me along.” Russell explained, and you almost wanted to sigh out loud. “So I know damn well how secretive some of those overseas assignments can be. Most are black-ops and off the books. It’d be hard to find the files.” 

So much for tall, rugged and handsome. Guess you’re going to have to look from afar.

‘Well fuck. That sounds lovely.” You mumbled into your burger, annoyed and frustrated. Russell actually laughed this time.

“You know that burger isn’t gonna run away, right?” He chuckled at the way you were so aggressively stuffing your face. Colter narrowed his eyes at his older brother and kicked him under the table. “Okay, ow.” 

“Mind your business? Also, you have no room to talk dude.” You scoffed, eyeing his sriracha covered fries with disgust. “That’s actually fucking criminal.”

“Well, this one has a mouth on her. And here I was trying to be a gentleman.” He chuckled, playful grin on his face as he shoved a particularly heavily sriracha-covered fry in his mouth while you watched. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.” 

You stared at him with an indescribable feeling. You didn’t remember the last time a man had this much of an effect on you. Sure, in your mind it didn’t do him any favors that he used to be in the military, but you’d gladly break your own rule for just a little taste of him. He was a little rugged, sure, but he was undeniably handsome and carried himself with an alluring sense of self confidence. And the way he smiled at you, God, it made you feel like a schoolgirl, warm and tingly. You didn’t remember the last time a man looked at you like that, either.

“Can we focus here?” Colter, the ever present voice of reason. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Who woulda thought, you look even more beautiful without the scrubs.” Those were the first words out of Russell’s mouth when you opened the door. You had told them to stop by in the evening after Rosie’s shift so they could talk to her. 

“Russell,” Colter sighed, looking at his brother with annoyance but Russell simply smiled, unapologetically proud of himself. They both looked at you, you were trying so hard not to smile right now. “Alright, is Rosie home?”

“Yeah, she’s in the living room. Come in.” You shook your head softly as you allowed both brothers into your apartment. 

You led them to the living room, you caught Russell looking around with curiosity. Maybe he was trying to figure you out, figure out how to get on your good side. But he otherwise didn’t say anything. 

“Rosie, the guys I told you about are here.” You called out to her and she immediately shot up to her feet and rushed to your side. You looked at her, poor thing looked like she had been crying again. “This is Colter, the tracker, and that’s his brother, Russell. They’re going to help us, okay? Colter just needs to ask you a few questions about James.”

Rosie was nodding profusely, “Anything, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. Just help me find him? Please?” 

Colter led her to the couch, perhaps she’d feel safer if she was comfortable. You didn’t want to intrude, you probably weren’t needed right at this time, anyway.

“I’m going to get you guys something to drink.” You announced, wanting to give them some privacy. 

“I’ll help.” Russell piped up and you looked at him with curiosity, he simply smiled at you. You didn’t bother to question him.

You went into the kitchen, Russell was close behind you. You could feel his intense gaze burn into the back of your head as you rummaged through your fridge. You tried to ignore it.

“Beer?” You asked, glancing over your shoulder at him. 

“Sure.” 

You grabbed three beers from the fridge and Rosie’s iced tea. You handed Russell his beer before moving around your kitchen to grab a glass cup from the cupboard. You poured the iced tea into the cup before turning around to find Russell still looking at you, with wonder, and maybe something else you couldn’t quite decipher. 

“So what’s your deal?” He asked you as he sipped his beer. You tilted your head at him and furrowed your eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, yeah you’re clearly a kick-ass doctor, and a caring sister but, what else is there? I don’t see any pets, surely no kids, no pictures on the walls, minimal decor, hopefully no boyfriend,” You laughed at the last part. “So, what are you about?”

“Right, well uh,” you chuckled softly, awkwardly sipping on your beer as you leaned on the counter. You shrugged. “I’m a doctor who works sixty-plus hours a week, I have zero social life, I’m not home nearly enough to have a pet. And I certainly have no time for the nonsense of men my age. But hey, if you want to know what I’m about, it’ll take more than just shitty beer and a kitchen conversation to figure me out.”

Russell smiled. Genuinely smiled. But it was a different kind of glint, like he was amused, impressed almost. He chuckled as he nodded, stepping to stand in front of you. You straightened up, looking up at him.

“Surely you’d have time to get a drink with me sometime then? I don’t know if I’m your age but I can assure you I’m not going to waste your time. Would love to try and figure you out while I’m here.” He bit his bottom lip, eyebrows raised and green eyes big with expectancy. 

Yes—said the warmth between your legs.

No—said your rational mind.

“Russell…” Your voice was a warning, apprehensive as you chewed on your bottom lip. “I don’t think I should be going on dates while my sister’s fiance is missing.” 

“It’s her fiance that’s missing, not yours.” He chuckled. You knew he didn’t mean to sound mean, or mocking but you scoffed softly, moving away from him. His words hit you in ways he could never know.

“I don't do… That. Y’know, dating? Or hookups. I don’t do romance, period.” You argued, hands on your hips. He tilted his head at you, eyebrows raised as he looked at you with that indescribably charming look of his. God, did he make it hard to say no.

“Don’t have to be anything. I’m not expecting anything. Just drinks, no strings attached, we’ll see where the night takes us, yeah?” He made a very compelling argument, and his unwavering confidence and charm was hard to resist.

Truly, you didn’t remember the last time you felt so tempted to go on a date with someone, and it wasn’t for lack of trying. From coworkers to patients have made advances you’ve always easily turned down. But Russell? You didn’t feel like you wanted to turn him down. You gave in so easily.

“Whadaya say?”

“Yeah, okay. Just drinks. We’ll see what happens. But don’t get any funny ideas, okay?” You warned him. He chuckled but ultimately raised his hands up in defense when you narrowed your eyes at him.

“I am a gentleman, sweetheart. I know how to behave in front of a pretty girl.”

Your concern was if you could behave in front of a hot guy. Especially when he was as hot as Russell.

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

Seungmin| Puppy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seungmin always fed the stray puppy in the park at night. Ever since the puppy arrived a few weeks ago.

He wanted to take it home. But it was kind of hard right now since he was so busy. So he resolved to take it home if the puppy was still at the park when he came back from the few fan meets he was doing in Europe; it would surely be happy there. With love from multiple people.

He wouldn't make it suffer any longer. He'd even give it extra treats. He knew Felix and IN were bound to sneak it some food as well.

Seungmin had yet to name the puppy. Because he couldn't find the right name for the poor girl.

At least he thought it was a girl.

She was dirty so he couldn't tell what color she was. He wanted to give her a name that had to do with her fur. Like Honey or S'mores or something along the lines of sweet treats.

He couldn't wait to get back from the fan meets. He always enjoyed being with the fans but he loved this dog dearly, and it had only been less than a month.

The first time he had seen it he knew he just had to keep it.

Seungmin clicked his tongue and the puppy came running out of the bushes.

He'd come prepared with sweet potato and chicken treats, he had quickly found out it was her favorite snack to eat.

She wagged her tail and came up to Seungmin, placing a few kisses on his hands and face before delicately taking the treat out of his hand and eating it.

"Psh! Churro! Where are you?"

The dog looked at Seungmin and cocked her head.

"Chu...rro..." Seungmin said quietly. The dog wagged her tail and licked Seungmin. Starting to run in place a little, her rear sticking up in the air slightly.

The name sounded foreign on his tongue but he liked it.

"Churro? Where are you?"

Seungmin picked up Churro and gave her another treat. 

She wagged her tail against Seungmin's side and the soft thumping matched his footsteps as he walked towards the voice as she chomped her treat happily.

Seungmin rounded the corner and saw what he believed to be the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

You turned to him and your heart swelled. The boy holding Churro was absolutely stunning. Downright adorable even.

"You found Churro!" You happily rush over to the cute guy and your new puppy.

Well hopefully your new puppy. You didn't have a place to keep her, since your apartment didn't allow it.

But you would figure it out.

"Yeah, I guess I did...I'm Kim Seungmin."

"Y/N L/N. It's nice to meet you!"

You did mean it. He was rather attractive. And he looked even more attractive holding a puppy.

"Is um...Churro yours? I've been feeding her for the past couple of weeks I...don't mean to make her gain weight she just looked like a stray- not that your taking poor care of her...I..." He stopped his rambling.

You smiled brightly and laughed. And damn did your laugh do things to Seungmin’s stomach.

"She's not mine...yet." You sigh. "My apartment doesn't allow dogs. But I really love her. I just...need some time to figure it out."

Seungmin perked up. "She could stay with me! I love dogs! But I'll be gone for a few weeks so you could take care of her! She could just sleep at the dorms!"

You look at the excitement on Seungmin's face. He really was adorable.

"Really? I could do that?"

Seungmin nods. "On one condition..."

You wait patiently for his condition.

"You go on a date with me..." His face turns red.

You laughed as you reached out to pet Churro, your fingers colliding with Seungmin’s gently, a ticklish electricity in the places your skin touched.

"Deal. But maybe make it more dates. I have a feeling I'll like you."

Seungmin smiles. "I have a feeling I'll like you too."

(the dog on the left with the closed eyes??? he’s my family’s precious little boy Chuy Chewinski 🤭)

[senblades]

Just realized that Crow and Violet enter the Phantom thieves group with the same condition, though not the same circumstances.

They both first Joined as a fake of themselves, fooling everyone. Then they were a 2-phase boss fight, where the true self gets revealed. Then they join the team, for good and for real.

Hmmmmmmmmm

ANON YOU'RE SO RIGHT I'M

I'll always be a little sad that Atlus never went all-in on the SumiGoro friendship/parallels potential... o7 another fallen dynamic for the pit

in all seriousness, though: many people have talked about the Akechi and Sumire parallels far better than I ever could, but I'll talk some more anyway!

I think the most obvious parallel is in who they admire/resent. Sumire, obviously, admires Kasumi in every way- undercut with resentment that she's scared to ackowledge. Akechi, meanwhile, resents Joker to hell and back, undercut with layers of admiration that he refuses to admit to (+ uh. shauke angst HAHA)

Both are lying to themselves about their other halves, but even more interestingly: Both Kasumi and Joker see Sumire and Akechi respectively as their equals/rivals, despite everything, and even though it may seem that one half is clearly better than the other at first glance.

Sumire's coach, during the Faith confidant, tells Sumire how Kasumi had worked so hard because she knew if she didn't, Sumire would catch up to her- that Kasumi was jealous of Sumire's grace (Ironic, as meanwhile Sumire was desperate to emulate Kasumi's boldness)

Joker's a bit different -silent protag, and all- but, even still: "I'll hold onto you're glove", "I won't lose"- so much of Joker's dialogue about Akechi makes it clear that he takes the other seriously. Plus, the consistent reminders that the promise for a rematch hasn't been fulfilled: clearly, Joker doesn't consider the interrogation room nor the engine room 'fair fights', or true indicators of either's skill (stop me before I go on a tangent)

It's not just Joker=Kasumi and Sumire=Akechi, though. The fact that both sides of each equation are equals means that some lines get crossed. I'm thinking Kasumi's "Because that's my right, as the elder sister!" vs. Akechi's "Going all out against a junior seems a bit gauche, don't you think?"- both Kasumi and Akechi seem to have this idea that they have to be better (a bit of speculation on my part, for Kasumi)- they have no excuse to lose; it's only natural if they win, and incredibly dissapointing otherwise.

back to crow/violet parallels, they also act as excellent foils for each other in the royal trio dynamic: Sumire, when faced with low self-esteem and terrible circumstances, latches onto people that she considers "better"- imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, after all! And Sumire has imitation in spades.

Akechi, meanwhile, distances himself from pretty much everyone. He seems to value shallow praise of people that don't really see, rather than experience the mortifying ordeal of being known, and whatnot.

but even then, Akechi does have some similar tendencies to Sumire- he just hides it under layers of deflection and lying to himself. He claims to absolutely hate Shido and Joker, and while I don't doubt that, necessarily, it's clearly far more complicated than that. Akechi, no matter how he feels about them, lives and dies by the will of his obsessions- and by the time of the third semster, he's had enough. (while, conversely, Sumire hasn't quite learned to stand on her own)

Actually, speaking of the third semester; Maruki's reality also highlights some similarities between the two, as the two people most egregiously edited by the false reality: Sumire, back to believing she's Kasumi, and Akechi as "I've never had a violent thought in my life!" pleasant boy. Those two are the only members of the PT where Maruki goes straight for the personality.

whoops. long post HAHA

[lanawinterscigarettes]

hi gorgeous!! can i req pumpkin picking with jennifer and a female reader?? its not kinky but ive been needing some jen fluff! (i livee for your writing btw 🫶🫶)

ofc you can! and thank you so much, you're very sweet 🥰 (so far you're the only person who's requested for something fall/halloween themed that isn't related to kinktober believe it or not) hope you like it 💕💕

Pumpkin Patch (Jennifer Check x fem reader)

Warnings: very brief and mild swearing, Jen is implied to have already been possessed by the demon at this point but the reader doesn't know, fluff other than that <3

"What about this one?" You asked while pointing to one of the many pumpkins that dotted the massive field.

"It's not round enough," your girlfriend Jennifer critiqued, giving it a judgmental look.

Her answer didn't surprise you. It had been almost an hour since you'd arrived at the pumpkin patch, and she still hadn't found one that she liked.

"Jen, c'mon, it's starting to get cold outside," you lightly complained while zipping up your jacket. "Just pick one so we can go."

"Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. The look of the pumpkin doesn't matter, it's the inside that counts," she replied in a snarky tone, placing her hands on her hips. "Which means any old pumpkin will do, even if it's fugly as hell."

You remained quiet while she spoke, pretty used to her attitude by this point. "Seriously, though. We're just going to end up carving it into a Jack-O-Lantern anyway, so why does it need to be perfect?"

She let out an aggravated huff at the question, giving you a look that said, "Are you stupid?" before responding with, "This is kind of, like, my first ever Halloween I've spent doing stupid couples activities. I just want to find one that'll be perfect."

You suddenly felt like the worst girlfriend ever. No wonder she was so deadset on having a perfect pumpkin, she didn't want her first holiday season with a partner that actually cared about her to fall short of her expectations.

"How about we walk back over this way again? Maybe you'll happen to find one that you like," you suggested in a tone that was both soft and understanding while holding your hand out for her to take.

She wanted to roll her eyes and scoff, but she could tell you were really trying your best to make her happy. "Ugh, fine."

Jennifer took your hand, lacing her warm fingers through your cold ones. You had no idea how she always managed to stay so toasty even in such freezing weather conditions, but you weren't complaining.

After what seemed like ages of searching, you were finally able to find a pumpkin that you could both agree on. It was pretty heavy for you, but she didn't even seem to break a sweat when lifting it up.

"You know, I should really be the one carrying it for you so you're not forced to do any hard work," you lightly teased, knowing full well your knees would instantly buckle under the weight.

This time she did roll her eyes, but it was more playful than anything else. "And have you break your back? Absolutely not. I'm not lugging both you and this pumpkin all the way to the emergency room because you decided you wanted to show off."

You grinned at her response, finding it amusing. Despite her aloof personality, you knew if something actually did happen to you she'd be there at an instant in order to help you.

"So how should we carve our pumpkin? Do you want to do the traditional look of a Jack-O-Lantern, or something else?"

"I don't want my pumpkin to look like it was carved by a bunch of nerds, if that's what you're asking," she said with a hair flip, the breeze catching the scent of her perfume and causing it to waft in your direction. You didn't want to sound like a creep, but god did she smell good.

"Well, we can always go online and look for a design there. Maybe Pinterest will have some cool inspos for how we should carve our pumpkin," you began before adding, "Or we could always just freehand it. I mean, if we mess it up we can always just start again with a new one."

Jennifer wasn't even listening at this point, too caught up by the melodious sound of your voice and the exicted sparkle in your eyes to pay much attention to what you were saying. She realized then it didn't even matter how the pumpkin got carved, because she was just happy she got to spend this time with you.

End notes: this was really fun to write <3 I promise I haven't forgotten about Kinktober y'all I'm working on getting a few more days done before I start posting for it again

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[cosmicjoke]

I swear, if I see one more ho on this site trying to frame Levi's childhood as somehow positive or otherwise not completely horrific, I'm gonna' kill a bitch. I'm not going to name names, because I don't want to start drama, but Jesus, I can't take it anymore.

The latest and greatest stupidity I've come across is the claim that Levi's monologue to the 104th during the Uprising arc was somehow meant to be read as Levi expressing how "well-adjusted" he is because he'd been conditioned to respond to urgent situations without hesitation due to the hardship of his childhood. This is such classic abuse-apologist shit, I don't even know what to say. It's essentially claiming that Levi is only able to be so effective and level-headed and reliable because he's been through traumatic events, and that his worth in those situations is a result of the abuse he suffered as a child. Again, this is also the classic take of people who love to deny Levi any credit in being the way he is, and instead, for obvious, ulterior reasons, want to give that credit to Kenny, or some other abusive piece of shit from Levi's past. News alert for folks who think this. Trauma doesn't make you stronger, it doesn't make you a better person, it doesn't help you or strengthen your character. If someone is able to overcome hardship or adversity, it's not because they've been through hardship or adversity, it's because they're just built, from jump, to overcome it. It's like a boxer who's never been knocked down before, and suddenly he's in a fight where he's knocked down hard. It's not the knock down that's going to get him through the rest of the fight and help him to win, it's his strength of character and will to win. It comes down, once again, to nature.

So many people who went through what Levi did would have ended up as complete basket cases, either totally unhinged and immoral, or so traumatized that they would be rendered paralyzed and controlled by that trauma. It's not the experiences that Levi went through that make him level-headed or reliable, it's simply his strength of character. It's in spite of his trauma that he's able to be as effective and reliable as he is, not because of it.

But this isn't to say that Levi isn't traumatized, like so many of these people also love to claim. Another gem from this post I saw was that we're not meant to see Levi as traumatized because he doesn't cry, and Isayama, supposedly, only conveys trauma in his characters through tears. I mean, that's hilarious, really. I guess when Kenny finds Levi in that room with the rotting corpse of his mother, we're meant to believe he's not been traumatized by it because he isn't crying. Never mind that Levi's lack of expression and essential muteness are both heavy indicators of severe trauma. This post would posit that one can't be as level-headed and reliable as Levi is and also be traumatized. That's also ridiculous. Again, this comes down to individuality and uniqueness of personality. Levi can be traumatized, but also still be as steadfast and unwavering as he is, because each person is going to respond differently to traumatic events based on their individual, inborn personality traits. And trauma also manifests in a number of different behaviors.

I've always said that Levi's stoicism in the face of all the horrors he's seen and been through isn't indicative of the deep and raw emotion we know Levi actually carries underneath, which tells us that Levi's lack of expression is, indeed, a trauma response. A coping mechanism. Levi isn't an emotionless character. His flat expression doesn't accurately depict or indicate what he's actually feeling. If it did, then Levi would be someone who felt nothing at the sight of death, or wasn't troubled or unsettled by the deaths of his friends and comrades. He would be someone who isn't moved at all by the suffering of others, but simply indifferent and uncaring.

But we know that isn't true. We know how important it is to Levi that people survive and how hard he works to protect their lives. We know how compassionate and kind Levi actually is, how greatly empathetic he is. So why, then, is it such a stretch in these people's minds, to suggest that Levi's flat expression is an obvious case of him actively suppressing his emotion in order to continue operating? This doesn't even seem like a question to me, or up to interpretation. It seems like an evident, objective fact about his character. Levi suppresses his emotion in order to keep functioning. We see this multiple times throughout the story. A good example of Levi actively suppressing his emotional response is when Kenny kills Nifa, and for a split second, we see the devastation in Levi's expression, before he visibly pushes it down and goes into action against Kenny's squad. Levi is clearly emotional here, and deeply, deeply upset. Seeing Nifa killed and then having to leave her behind is clearly having an intense and disruptive impact on Levi. But he represses the feelings in that moment. Again, that's an obvious coping mechanism in dealing with extreme, traumatizing circumstances. It isn't indicative of Levi being untouched or unimpacted by those things, it's indicative of Levi needing to disassociate from just how much those things are impacting him in order to carry on. You know, a trauma response. Repression of emotion isn't healthy, and isn't how someone who's perfectly "well-adjusted" would respond to these sorts of situations. It isn't normal. Crying is normal. Crying is a baseline, regular response to horrific things, in fact a proven, cathartic way to process trauma and work through it. The fact that Levi shuts all emotional reaction down when faced with those same, horrific things indicates someone who's been through way too much bad shit, and in order to remain functional, has to disassociate from what he's feeling. It isn't Levi processing his trauma and coming out the other side unaffected. It's Levi ignoring his trauma because he doesn't feel like he can afford to process it, either for himself or others.

This idea that Levi wasn't adversely impacted by what he went through as a child, but rather positively impacted, is not only laughable, but downright harmful in the sorts of ideas it perpetuates.

This particular post I saw was claiming that Levi was saying his ability to react quickly to fucked up situations was a good thing, as if he was expressing gratitude for being raised the way he was because it allowed him to "adapt" to extreme circumstances. What a load of horse shit. Levi wasn't talking about himself being "abnormal" as if it were a positive thing. He plainly frames it as a negative. He says "Maybe I'm abnormal because I've seen way too many abnormal things", before going on to express how he's willing to take on the role of a "lunatic that kills people" as long as it spares anyone else from having to go through the same. He's plainly expressing here how he knows the things he's gone through have fucked him up and caused him to have abnormal, some might even call deviant behavior, and his expressed desire to spare others from having to go through the same and end up like him is a clear as crystal indicator that he doesn't view his childhood in any kind of positive light, or as something necessary or good. He wants to keep people from ending up like him. That isn't Levi bragging about how "well-adjusted" he is.

Yes, Levi is a remarkably together person, and considering all the truly horrific things he's been through, it's really extraordinary that he's as level-headed, and even more so, as kind and compassionate as he is. That he isn't more fucked up. But that comes down to Levi himself, not the way he was raised. To imply or claim that Levi views the way he was raised positively shows an absurd lack of reading comprehension at best, and is disingenuous at worst. Levi is only as together as he is because he's a strong person. Because he has the strength of character and the fortitude of character not to let his trauma destroy or control him. But that doesn't mean he isn't traumatized. It just means he's a better person than most, someone who, regardless of his trauma, cares deeply about others, and as a result, forces himself to hold it together for their sake, regardless of the consequences to his own well being. His trauma clearly impacts him, but he's just a strong enough person that he doesn't let it define him.

[spot-of-tea]

Okay headcanon time.

So for ages I’ve always wondered whether magic can be inherited or not. So like if your parents are powerful wizards chances are you’ll be one too. So the main reason I've always thought this is due to the fact that whenever you see a powerful character and are then introduced to a family members of theirs, that family member is as powerful or more so.

And I have examples. But I am gonna put a read more cause this is gonna get looooooong.

There's also gonna be spoilers beyond this point if you haven't watched the anime or read the manga.

So first off Laxus is a powerful wizard, he's an s-class wizard at a young age. While you could always say that that is due to his lacrima, I've always believed him to have the potential for powerful magic but because he was born sickly he could never fully achieve it. But then you look at his family and both his dad and grandfather are both powerful wizards. I mean Makarov is a wizard saint, not many get more powerful than that. Even looking back further, while we don't see the full extent of Yuri's magic in action he does appear to be somewhat powerful from the get go.

Then we move onto Cana. Guildarts is considered the most powerful member of Fairytail, the top ranked S-class mage who was even allowed to try a 100 years quest. Cana has shown multiple times how powerful she is, she's the only person in the guild whos been able to wield fairy glitter.

Then we have Erza, now from the very beginning Erza is shown to be an absolute powerhouse, from meeting her it would be easy to assume that she gained her power through grit and determination. However, we are then introduced to one Irene Belserion. Now Irene is cast as a pretty badass person from the start so you can definitely see where Erza gets parts of her personality from. Magically speaking Irene is said to be one of the top members of the spriggan twelve. Now when we first meet a member of the spriggan twelve we meet Brandish who is most likely one of the less powerful ones, but still her magic is described as overwhelming, so Irene's magic must be even more so.

Now Lucy is an interesting case, while Layla did in fact open (and likely closed) the eclipse gate on her own when it required both Lucy and Yukino to do so later, she (if I remember correctly) also had a pre-existing condition which made her magic less powerful? That being said it's shown that she was already a remarkable wizard and even held the respect of Aquarius who seems to have taken her death very hard. Going further back though we also have Anna Heartfilia, Lucy's ancestor. She's described as being one of the most powerful celestial spirit mage of all time.

Now finally while we don't ever learn about their parents or see if either was canonically powerful. I feel it's safe to assume that at least one of their parents was quite powerful. Natsu and Zeref are revealed to be canonically siblings. Now before we get this reveal you would assume that Zeref is only that powerful because of how long he's been alive for and has accumulated that power over the centuries. But we can then assume that he was already pretty powerful at a young age, I imagine had things worked out he would've used the eclipse gate himself instead of teaming up with Anna. We also see that Natsu is already one of Fairytail's powerhouses (honestly why he's not S-class yet is something I'll never understand). So I can imagine that the both of them had the potential for being powerful wizards long before either of them cast their first spell.

Whew. okay I'm done, I'm sorry this got so long, it's been bugging me for so long. I do want to stress that this may not be 100% accurate but this is just my own interpretation and headcanon.

But yeh let me know what you think and if you want to add anything else to this go ahead, I'm always interested to hear what others have to say.

[stellocchia]

Killer being incredibly touch-starved is something I've been thinking about for a while. We know very little about monster biology, let alone Killer's who's something in between, so I'm gonna base this on the effect of touch deprivation in the real world (which, yes, is a very real and highly studied thing. And no, the people using it as an excuse for why they're 'owed sex' are still full of shit, because to the human brain the kind of touch, as long as it's positive and well received, doesn't make a difference).

Killer, for his whole time with both Chara and Nightmare, is deprived of any positive touch. Nightmare stabbing him and forcefully manipulating his soul certainly doesn't count as positive, and most Chara did was cut him up for fun (and out of curiosity).

There is a chance for him to receive some affection in an expanded Nightmare's gang situation, as I refuse to believe that people stuck in such awful conditions together would not develop a certain degree of closeness. Still, they live under Nightmare, so they probably cannot afford to indulge in any form of comfort too much. And I don't doubt that, in such a tense situation, fights would also break out often. Meaning he'd most likely get more gaster blasters to the face than pats on the back.

With that out of the way, here are some of the symptoms Killer may experience:

Overwhelming loneliness

Strong cravings for affection

Feelings of depression

Anxiety

Heightened levels of Stress

Difficulty sleeping

Attachment avoidance patterns

He'd also most likely do things to emulate the feeling of touch like cuddling his cats a lot, laying under whatever heavy thing he can find, and taking hot showers/baths. After all, this is Killer we're talking about. These are a lot of feelings and uncomfortable sensations that are entirely out of his control, he's definitely gonna try and reign them in.

I do think that, of course, this would affect every Stage differently. And they'd probably go about dealing with it differently.

Stage 1 would have a conflicted relationship with touch. On one hand, it's hard for him to keep from showing the discomfort he's feeling due to the touch deprivation. On the other, he also always struggles with feelings of guilt regarding the fact that, in his mind, he put himself in this situation. He probably wouldn't think he deserves to feel better. And definitely wouldn't outright ask for a hug or to hold hands unless he was desperate.

He'd probably try to deal with it quietly. Probably running the shower as hot as it can get and hoping it gets rid of the itch in his bones. He has probably begged both Chara and Nightmare for affection before, though I doubt that ended well. I think Chara just pushed him away in Disgust, Nightmare probably made him regret asking.

I feel like later on with Color he's probably gonna need constant reassurances and frequent gentle reminders that he can ask for a hug whenever. And, if that feels like too much, he can sit close to Color, shoulder to shoulder. They can hold hands, and, when that feels like too much, they can interlock pinkies. There are ways for them to navigate around this. And I think Color would be happy to help from the get-go with him.

Meanwhile, with Stage 2 I've always felt like they probably dislike touch (something something they don't allow themselves to show any degree of vulnerability and never let go of control. Both things that would happen if they indulge in any amount of physical affection). To be clear, this does not mean that they're immune to the consequences of touch deprivation, it just means that dealing with them will be even harder for them.

During their time with Chara and Nightmare they'd probably use a lot of the good old "gaslighting themselves into thinking that everything is okay" method. Similarly to how they did with convincing themselves that they actually enjoy being hurt on the regular, eventually, they'd probably start believing it. Also, they'd be highly reliant on their cats if they have any around. Cuddling them does soothe a lot of the symptoms for quite a while, and those little balls of fur at least are not gonna backstab them.

Even once they're with Color, I still feel like Stage 2 would rather cuddle with animals than with other monsters or humans. They'd just be far more free to do so without the threat of Nightmare killing those little critters hanging over their head. Also! A lot of types of dance and stuff like theater can help stave off the touch starvation in a way that may feel more comfortable to them. In a lot of those situations, there's a ton of touch involved, but as they'd be able to remain professional about it, it would probably feel less like giving up control and showing weakness than the alternative of being physically affectionate with Color.

Stage 3 is an interesting one. I feel like it would be the most open to admitting (at least to itself) that they have an issue. However, to solve said issue would mean putting the body in danger and that's not something it's willing to do.

Still, it would try to mitigate the discomfort as much as it can. Trying to find soft things to wrap the body up tightly with. Trying to find small places where it can feel somewhat compressed. It would never try to ask either Nightmare or Chara for help. Ever. It hates them with a burning passion and, besides, it's fully aware that, whatever is wrong with them, is most likely the fault of those two.

It probably also would regard Color with distrust at first, but, eventually, as it comes to trust him, it probably would be more than happy to get some cuddles in with him. I do think its favorite thing would be to sleep all curled up around one another in whatever safe den it has built. And, of course, as it builds trust with more people, those people are gonna be let in too. Though that's gonna take time, because for Stage 3 to trust anyone, Stage 2 and Stage 1 have to trust them first.

Stage 4 my boy... it's suffering. Not only can it not remember any instances of kindness, however rare, the other 3 may have received, but it is also the one that would struggle the most receiving any kind of genuine help even after running away with Color. And, before that, it basically just gets treated like a dog. Though, no matter how much he'd want it, the treat for a job well done is never a hug or a pat on the head for it. Usually, it's just it being allowed some basic necessities like water, food, maybe even sleep if things went particularly well.

And it wouldn't try to soothe any of its needs by itself. Just like it doesn't eat, drink, or sleep if it's not explicitly allowed. If Nightmare or Chara wanted it to get a hot shower or some cuddles from its feline friends, they would have said it. Since they didn't clearly it's against the will of the Players, as they're the Players' mouthpieces. The same would go for Color not saying anything.

And, here's the thing, Color would struggle to show kindness to Stage 4 at first. Both because it starts off as hostile as it doesn't initially recognize him as an owner and because there is something fundamentally unsettling about a being so divorced from humanity and monsterkind wearing the face of his friend. Stage 4's biggest downfall is the fact that it is so other that even the kindest souls would struggle to not dehumanize it. It was created to be a tool and it doesn't recognize itself as anything more than that, so others often fall into the trap of doing the same.

Anyway, Stage 4 would straight-up weep the first time it gets a hug. And, seeing that, Color would undoubtedly feel like shit for ever thinking that Stage 4 wasn't just as lonely, hurt, and deserving of kindness as the other Stages.

[factual-fantasy]

Heya Factual! Congrats on the 23,000! Yet another well deserved milestone earned by your hard work and dedication! Really sorry about the cold- we always seem to get sick at the worst of times! Definitely don't do anything crazy till you're 100%, but thanks for making that really cute celebration piece- you can really tell how much the factual Fam cares about you from their worried expressions...and then there's Gerald, who refuses to let his happy demeanor waver for a second! Though then again, he is still quite young- he might not even understand the concept of getting sick yet!

And on that note, at least till you're better, I definitely won't send any unnecessarily exhausting Asks like last time ( thanks for answering that so thoroughly though- that was really cool! ) and just keep it simple- and my ask today is regarding the simplest Mario enemy, the goomba!

You've mentioned them in the past as beings created by Kamek- How does he do it? How long has he been doing it? Are the goombas sentient, or just savage constructs? How many are there, in ratio to the Koopas? Did the bros have to fight through a bunch of them on their way to the castle? And do any of their variants exist, such as the micro goombas, para goombas, or giant goombas? We require the Goomba Lore!

Thank you! :DD I'm doing my best to take it easy.. I've spent most of my days recently either sleeping, sitting, or playing Pokemon Scarlet XDD that's relaxing right? Yes, I believe so-

As for Gerald, he isn't ignorant to my condition- he's actually meant to be surprisingly emotionally aware. :0 He's smiling though all this because he wants the others to be happy. And if he's calm and smiling, maybe we'll smile too.. 🥺

I was intending to draw a comic that goes into Gerald's character a bit more... But I just haven't been well enough recently to take on a project like that.. :((

And don't worry about "exhausting asks", I encourage them! :D I could really use some lengthy asks as a form of distraction to be honest.. 🥹💔

Speaking of asks, about your Goomba questions..

Well, starting with Kamek actually- I have intentions to make him a few hundred years old. Being the most powerful magikoopa there ever was supposedly.. and he's been associated with the royal Koopa family for generations.. though this idea is in canon limbo, because I'm having trouble figuring how exactly he's managed to live so long. Considering how magic works in my au.. his lengthy life span shouldn't be possible..

None the less, even though I haven't gotten that idea to fit yet- I love it so much that most of the au kinda branches off from it- <XDDD so with that established, Kamek brings Goombas to "life" using magic of course!

I was thinking that the ability animate dead/inanimate things is a very complex magic that took Kamek years to learn. And he was only finally able to master it in the last 100 years or so.

Now for the Goombas, they are not sentient for sure. They are just these little.. zombie like.. machines. They start as poisonous mushrooms and when they are "brought to life", they gain this desire and need move and attack anything that doesn't appear to be a Koopa.

As for the Koopa to Goomba ratio.. I'd say they make up 1.5/10 of the kingdoms population. They are very disposable and "easy" to make.. but they are relatively fragile creatures and take a while to grow.. plus the Goombas don't live very long. Since they uproot themselves upon being "Goomba-fied", they eventually wilt and die.. :/ so that number doesn't ever go over 1.5.

I'm sure Mario and Luigi had to squash some on the way to save Peach the first time. But it was only after her rescue that one landed a bite on Luigi..

As for their variants, the micro and Giant Goombas surly exist! Though king Goomba might not because the original brown mushrooms probably don't grow that big-

As for para-goombas.. hmm.. I know there won't be any Goombas with wings going around. But perhaps there could be a Goomba that can release airborne spores.. or at the very least can attack from afar.. that could get them the title of para-goomba! :0

I think I covered everything, I hope at least-

Thank you for the ask and interest in my au! :DDD it was a nice read and took my mind off of all my ailments for a short time 🥹💖

[chromatoghosts]

okay i talked about some of this on cohost. but i feel like it needs to be shared here, because here is where i experience some of the most of it.

it feels like most abled people only ever see neurodivergent people either as a tragedy, or a joke. except, we all know about being treated as a tragedy. plenty of people discuss that. but it feels like we rarely talk about how on a large scale, neurodivergent people have always been treated as a joke.

growing up, it was "autistic screeching REEEEEE" and the r-slur and "what are you, some sorta psycho" and "i'm so ocd/adhd" and mocking autistic people's stims. and just the entire existence of autism at all as being something inherently ridiculous and to be mocked and joked about. and almost EVERYONE online did it. when i was a kid, i couldn't look up my own conditions without seeing nothing but either people treating it like it was the worst, most horrible thing on earth, or people treating it like people who had it were ultimately one big joke. the only place you EVER saw positivity was in the sparse few communities made for and by people with the conditions.

but back then, the neurodivergent movement was underground. nobody really knew about it if you weren't actually neurodivergent yourself and involved in a few small close-knit communities. but then in the past few years, that's started to change. i think it was around 2020-ish that i started noticing people started to, well, notice us. while we're still far off from everyone in general being aware of our existence, we've slowly started to become mainstream. now canonically autistic characters are starting to appear in media, and people actually noticed when sia released her god-awful movie and criticized it.

but even so, neurodivergency never stopped being treated as a joke. some people realized that their previous jokes were harmful, and it seemed like we were finally making progress. but as a side-effect of neurodivergency becoming more well-known in the public eye, things started to change, and not necessarily for the better. suddenly, the concept of "neurodivergency" itself became a joke.

and now it feels like the label that was so important to the community, which we were so proud of, which felt so liberating, is a joke again. you can't say "neurodivergent" without people saying you're making up oppression for attention, and saying you're overreacting, and saying that godawful "neurodivergent and a minor" phrase. and i understand that some of it is because of people having tryied to excuse shitty behavior off of their mental disabilities/illnesses. and yeah that's awful, and neurodivergency should never be an excuse for bad behavior. but now people are turning one of our biggest points of pride, which we worked so hard on, into something to be ashamed of. not to mention shit like "delulu" and "restarted" and "narcissist" and "acoustic' and "i am in your walls".

and the recent trend that ableism is made up or being overexaggerated, which i've been seeing online recently, just makes my blood boil. i can't go outside without being stared at or treated like a child or mocked. we don't have the basic human rights to immigrate or marry or get a job, and many of us don't have any autonomy at all. countless of us die every day because nobody cares enough about us or believes us. hate crimes and police violence against the mentally disabled and mentally ill is still a huge thing. and it is still legal to physically and psychologically and emotionally abuse us, and in many places kill us. but people act like we're all making this up for attention. it's a type of discrimination and oppression so that is so sheerly widespread and all-consuming, but yet it's so invisible.

i mean of course people have never believed us about our experiences and the sheer amount of ableism we face. that's not new. but i guess just what makes it hurt so worse now is that people now realize the neurodivergent community exist, and people who we used to think are allies are turning against us and mocking us. someone makes fun of neurodivergent people, you try to say "hey don't do that", and now everyone is dogpiling you and saying you're "pissing on the poor" and "proving their point." we can't criticize albeism from others online now without being told we're overreacting and making a big deal out of nothing. and i see people who i thought were allies reblogging and laughing about this kinda stuff. and it just really feels like it's hard to trust abled people. it feels like every time i think i can trust a neurotypical person, they turn on us. and sometimes i just feel like cutting off any neurotypical people altogether, even though i know realistically there are some good allies out there. it just feels like there are so few

idk just feels bad man. we really can't catch a break can we

[aethersjournal]

Hey girl!! Im into robotic affirming and I got some amazing results but idk why I have hard time ignoring the 3d. I live with my parents and they always say no do this and that and I'm fed up cuz I want to do whatever I want and whenever I do self concept and I write down a script for my parents for princess treatment. But whenever they say smth I got Upset or sad that why I'm not coming out from this reality. Sometimes I feel like giving up from my life. I'm 23 and I feel like I've lived enough. Pls advice me what to do and how to stick to my affirmations. And plus ignore the 3d while manifesting the good environment as I don't want anything bad .

Hey girl! Can totally relate to you. I am south asian so I know how triggering the family environment can seem.

First thing that I want to address is that it will get better. DON’T GIVE UP. If you feel that you need help please contact professionals. This is just loa advice but please take care of your mental health 🧡

From what I can gather from the situation is that you feel upset and maybe you think some not so good thoughts and you assume that you have ruined your manifestation.

I want to tell you that you absolutely did not. Things happen and one time or the other, we have all been really triggered by our environment.

What I want you to do everytime you “spiral”, is take a deep breath and try to clear your mind of thoughts, maybe do some EFT tapping if you want to. And then tell yourself, that you still have your desires. Go back to affirming. You don't have to believe it just repeat it.

Again, it is okay if you are getting negative thoughts as long as you flip it. I would also recommend you revise the situation that triggered you.

I always try to give you guys some practical steps and instructions to follow so I would also recommend this exercise that has really helped me. It is this revision exercise that I do and i think I have heard Sammy Ingram talk about this so credits to her.

Exercise:

(Disclaimer: You don't have to do this exercise if you don't want to or resonate with it. It is just something that has helped me in my personal experience. Even if you just follow the advice i had mentioned above and stick to it, you will get your results.

Also, you can alter this exercise to fit your preferences and decide if you want to visualise or hear thoughts.)

When it is night time and you are about to go to sleep. I want you to meditate. Now once the your mind is more focused, I want you to think back to your day.

Replay it but this time I want you to play a different script in your mind. If anything unfavorable happened or if something you wanted did not happen, imagine that it went exactly your way instead.

Replay it over and over again until you feel satisfied. You can turn this into sats and fall asleep.

Do this everynight along with regular affirming during the day.

Sorry if this is a long reply but in short do what you need to do in the 3d, acknowledge your feelings, cry it out.

All you need to do is come back to imagination again and affirm/think thoughts in line with your desires.

The more and more you practice this. The easier it will get over time.

Our brain is not used to thinking in favor of our desires due to societal conditioning. What we are doing is retraining it to think how we want it to think.

Anyways, I really hope this helped you. 🧡

Don't give up, your life is precious 🫶🏻. If you know about the law it's cause you were meant to.

[yuseirra]

Kamiki's mentality- an analysis(post 162)

Hello! :) I'm back..with an analysis of what I think this character must have been feeling, I always need to come up with some type of interpretations to make fan work... some sort of base I could work with. The new chapter was really confusing, right? I've been struggling to make do of it since I encountered it, here's what I make of it, until the new chapter would drop and I get new information.

If you're fond of this character.. or want to see just what the heck he may be feeling, and what's going on in his head, I can't say my interpretations may be the best but it may help you form your own thoughts on this guy. He's a really hard nut to crack but I think I do get how he felt about Ai, and what he struggled to do to an extent. Or what they were trying to go for by having him say those things. Things can overlap with the things I already said, and I incorporate my interpretations into my fanworks too so you may see some things in common~

Really…

If we remove the contradictory descriptions and align it with the song, when trying to roughly understand Kamiki’s psyche:

About this whole idea about Kamiki feeling the "weight of life"—this may sound like some strange nonsense (I feel the same way), but when it comes to him saying such things about Ai, I feel like I somewhat understand what he means.

This isn't about worship or idolization. No, Kamiki doesn’t kill someone for the sake of making Ai an unbeatable idol. I wonder if anyone still gets confused about this. But no, that's not it. Kamiki's reasoning on this is different from Nino's;

It feels more like Kamiki wanted to truly feel Ai's existence. It's a subtle difference, but it's there. He wanted Ai to be alive, but since she isn't, he resorted into trying to feel her existence by increasing her significance and presence, by doing what he did. (I don't know how it would, but according to his belief, this can be achieved by taking down people who can surpass Ai-probably people with the star eyes-)

That’s what it seems like too, based on how it’s phrased from his own perspective.

Ai is dead, but Kamiki couldn’t bear it, so he probably wanted to feel something similar to the feeling of Ai being alive, or at least something close to it. Did he really kill them though? Really? Seriously? Well, it hasn't been fully revealed yet, so I'll hold off on judgment on that for now.

If Ai were alive, Kamiki wouldn’t have acted this way. Over time, Kamiki couldn’t accept that Ai’s presence was fading away, and he wanted to keep her memory alive within him forever, so he acted like this.

But how did Kamiki come to think this way? I don’t think he would’ve reached this kind of belief on his own. Wasn’t there someone who hinted to him that by doing this, he could get closer to Ai? Because… how would Kamiki have known to approach specific people, with those exact conditions? Someone must have told him—maybe the 'black star.' Could he have come up with this idea on his own? And to believe that acting this way would bring him closer to Ai, from the start?

When you look at the lyrics of "Mephisto," at first Kamiki was doing something that could be considered somewhat theoretically logical—he wanted to exchange his life for Ai’s. But at some point, it warped into "becoming like Ai." When did things start to twist like this? What could have driven him to this point? His original personality seemed so gentle…

It’s like he kept saying, "I want to see her, I want to see her," and when that wasn’t possible, he changed direction. That’s how the whole narrative feels concerning the song, right?

"Mephisto" is definitely not about Aqua. It’s not. Because Ruby is still alive. In fact, Aqua giving his life would take him further from Ruby, and the sentiment behind this song is completely different.

Kamiki is definitely insane, but there’s something sad about it too.

Kamiki desperately wants to keep sending something, anything, to Ai, even though she’s gone. But no matter what he does, nothing will ever reach her. So, no matter what he does, his longing remains unfulfilled.

The lyrics of "Fatal" really capture Kamiki’s feelings perfectly. I also think "Mephisto" is his song. He keeps saying, "Watch me, I want to hear your voice, I want to reach you." It’s about his feelings for the dead, so it couldn’t have turned out any other way. He misses her so much, but it’s impossible to meet her. He can't have any of these things to be fulfilled or bear fruit, but he simply couldn't stop continuing to feel this way about Ai.

After Ai died, Kamiki couldn’t live a normal life anymore. But what exactly drove him over the edge in his despair? Did he go insane by himself, or was there something else influencing him? I can’t be sure. To go this mad, it feels like the latter. Because if it were just his original personality, he would’ve probably chosen to quietly follow Ai in death on his own without harming others. But it feels like something tempted him, pushing him away from that path. Even in the early parts of "Mephisto," it seems more… moderate? But then again, you see mentions of blood, so it feels like he may have already done something quite early on. Maybe he initially believed he could bring Ai back to life, but at some point realized it was impossible—by then, though, he’d already done too much to turn back.

After Ai died, Kamiki probably felt so empty that he couldn’t feel anything at all. I actually got this right in my fancomics even before 162 came out, you know? (One example) After Ai died, Kamiki couldn’t find meaning in anything, and from then on, whatever he did, it was all for Ai. He couldn’t feel alive without her. So, he did everything he could to reach her, to get closer to her.

In the end… Kamiki just wanted to see Ai again so badly that he didn��t know what else to do. That’s what these feelings are.

Sigh… When I analyze a character and create fan art, I have to emotionally align myself with them. More than just knowing theoretically, I need to feel a bit of what this emotion is like to understand it, so that I can write dialogue, draw expressions, and bring the character to life. It’s like locking onto their emotional wavelength.

So, the characters I’m good at handling are somewhat limited by series because I need to be able to do that to draw them.

This… feels like I can almost sync up, but it’s hard. These emotions are complicated. Very painful too.

You could see this as pitiful, but at the same time, it’s such a broken emotion.

Honestly, you only just need to listen to the songs. They’re filled with Kamiki’s emotions… Once you hear them, you instinctively understand what he’s feeling.

That’s why, after hearing "Fatal" in July, I’ve been analyzing, creating, immersed all the way up to now.

Kamiki really, truly misses her… But yes, there is madness in him.

I’ve done a lot of analysis, and so I derived Kamiki was originally a really good person. That’s pretty much confirmed in canon too, but… how do you save someone like this? Is he just beyond saving now?

I feel like there was something that drove Kamiki to this level of madness. Isn’t there the issue with the black star…? The lyrics constantly mention stars, and there's darkness coming from it as said in Fatal...

The sad part is that Kamiki didn’t fall apart just because of something bad happening to him. He broke down because he couldn’t bear Ai’s death… and the extent of his destruction is severe. To break Kamiki this badly, Ai had to die. Kamiki wouldn’t have gone this far if it were just him getting hurt or dying. That’s how I see it. Now, he’s definitely lost it. He couldn’t handle the idea of a world without Ai… That’s the impression I get now. He’s completely in ruin. It’s almost like something possessed him. It feels like something took root in Kamiki’s shattered heart. He wasn’t someone who could hurt others like this.

I knew, theoretically, that he’d be deeply broken, but to this extent, it’s like he’s a completely different person. It makes me wonder if this is even possible. His original personality was really good. This was based on my hunches, but seeing him described as noble confirms that I was right about him. I can think of two reasons for him being broken this bad: 1. he adored Ai so much that the blow was enormous, and… 2. there must have been something else. Just Ai’s death wouldn’t have immediately pushed him this far—there must have been a long-term destruction of his mind. Did he REALLY make a deal with the devil? There must be a reason why a song like Mephisto exists, it may be speaking on his behalf. Could be foreshadowing you know, whatever it is discussing, it STILL hasn't been touched!!

It feels like there’s more behind this. Why are they showing us nothing? Is this really not important? We need to see Kana’s graduation concert, and we have Aqua hurting himself and falling into the water… Shouldn’t the story start moving in that direction soon? There's so much to deal with in the story even without Kamiki; Couldn’t they just reveal it already? If it’s not important, why are there two songs, and why did Ai ask to save Kamiki? It feels like this isn’t the end yet, and the real mastermind if there is one, may be connected to all this…

Kamiki wasn’t someone who would’ve normally fallen apart like this. What could it be? Am I really on the right track? I feel like I’m going to be right. I’m really good at guessing things like this.

If Kamiki is really the embodiment of Sarutahiko…

Then he’s not someone who should die, right? Does it not matter because Ai is already dead?

If this is really the case though, if someone intentionally destroyed Kamiki, they would have a lot to gain from it. The domain he governs is incredibly powerful. He governs order, guides people’s futures, he’s a god of the land and light… If there’s a being that wants chaos and irrationality, Kamiki would be the perfect target. It feels like they kept him alive just to twist him, but they wouldn’t take the plot that far into fantasy, right?

I love mythology and fantasy, so if that’s the case, I think it’d be fun to see… haha. But it would be difficult to weave that into the story well.

Anyway… the fact that I’m searching for hope in mythology is really just me. But honestly, there are so many parallels. The strange, unnatural things happening around Kamiki can be explained through mythology. Otherwise, I have no idea what’s going on.

I’ve got a rough grasp on the emotions now, so I can probably draw him better. If I can’t get a handle on it, I can’t draw things properly.

The answers are all in the songs! The more I look into them, the more I’m amazed at how accurate they are, more than I first thought… They’ve captured Kamiki’s emotions so delicately and precisely. I’m in awe! The songwriters are really amazing! Hopefully, the things in the songs do get tackled. They seem very interesting to me and I'd love to see and learn more about it~