#but it's not. deeply angsty

[quaranmine]

My next project after Firewatch AU will be my Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy AU. I've always thought it was a good idea and didn't want to abandon it, so I've been working on its plot and rewriting the first part when I hit a lull on Firewatch AU. Since I'm so far into my daily writing challenge, I'm just going to try and aim for an entire year. At day 278, you might as well go for day 365. But I will certainly finish Firewatch AU before then since I basically only have a chapter and a half left of it.

So, the HGTTG fic will be next. I will try to revisit/make some slower progress on IBW as well, but my pivot to HGTTG is calculated: after a year of relentless writing on a depressing fanfic, it's nice to work on something that is lighthearted. This fic will be a comedy (though I've never tried to write comedy) and is just all around more....relieving? for me to write. IBW is about the same level of emotionally draining to write as Firewatch AU is, since all the characters in IBW are struggling with their post moon big trauma. The HGTTG fic is intentionally wacky and campy, with only the softest bit of angst now and then to keep it grounded. It's fun.

Anyway, its working title is "the moon, and other misbehaving celestial bodies" and it's a S8 Boatem moon big fanfic. It needs some work on the plot but I'm starting it anyway. It is also much more wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey than the actual Hitchiker's books because I added time travel. This fic definitely reads as if it was written by someone whose formative years were spent watching Doctor Who LOL. The fic has a (mostly) different plot than the original books and some reworked worldbuilding to fit the minecraft setting, but I think it will be less standalone than Firewatch AU was since I am borrowing more elements. That said, if you don't have knowledge of the books, it just might read as wacky sci-fi?

[lunar-years]

Tiny Will, the first year after Lonnie left for good, making a father's day craft at school for him anyway because surely he's going to be home again by Father's Day, or at the very least come visit. He excitedly shows it off to Jonathan when he gets home, and Jonathan has to gently remind him Lonnie's not coming back this time, remember? and who knows when they'll see him next (thank god for that, Jonathan thinks, but doesn't say). Then he assures Will that his gift is totally brilliant, and it's too good for Lonnie, he doesn't deserve it anyway. Afterwards Jonathan thinks this speech is only half effective, because of course Will, ever the optimist, spends the rest of the week holding out hope that Lonnie will show up, right until the end. But when Father's Day comes, Lonnie never does show up.

And it's not that Will's surprised that Jonathan was right (Jonathan is usually right, especially when it comes to Lonnie), but he still can't help the disappointment that's swallowing him whole. He wants to smash up the gift and throw it in the bin, forget he ever cared. But then comes Jonathan, who spends the whole day with him and keeps him busy and distracted and as happy as he can. And at the end of the day Will decides to present the gift to Jonathan instead (he's had to cross off "Dad" and scrawl in "Jonathan," and he knows it's sort of ruined it and he's sorry it's not as a good now, he says sheepishly...[Jonathan is fighting back a tear and cradling it like it's his most sacred possession, mind you]). After that, whenever Will has to do a father's day craft at school he goes ahead and makes it for Jonathan instead.

Jonathan holds on to every single one of these gifts and can't bring himself to toss any of them, even when they're packing up to move to Lenora. Even when they just sit in a box in his closet in California, along with the camera he no longer uses and old photographs he took of their family and the mixtapes he exchanged with Nancy and everything else that matters most to him that has never felt more far away.

[scamguy]

im trying to read post canon yoohankim fics and i can't be bothered to look for them on ao3 like...... im not going to lie a lot of it is really boring.... its fluff in a way that really doesnt appeal to my taste. uh oops I just wrote a bunch of shit in the tags

[lylikers]

some harrows of varying mental states and hairstyles

[burlowbeanie]

Fucking hilarious that after the helcaraxe everyone is so at odds with the Feanorians, even after Maedhros is rescued through the power of Fingon and divine intervention only he and Maglor are able to interact with the other princes without horrible insults getting thrown around, etc, and Aredhel is just. So chill. Her sister in law died on the journey, and she’s out here like “yeah Celegorm is my best friend. Honestly all five of the younger feanorian brothers fucking rule. no the ice didn't change that at all. Yes I know no one likes them. Celegorm being a dick is a part of our friendship. You wouldn’t understand.”

[foolishlyzephyrus]

nine is such a lover, i don’t where y’all got that meanness from. he’s jaded to be sure, but he cares so much.

[doublxpresso]

『So... This guy's been clingy』

page 59 - 60

beginning << page 57 - 58 < . > page 61 - 62

[ireallyhatemyself-ao3]

for just a moment (they're getting along)

chat we're sooooo back - here's some fanart for my angsty time-travel fic ipiwlytt except I haven't even posted the new chapter yet, lmao, BUT I"M GOING TO HOPEFULLY SOON (as in, in a week or two perchance). Haven't updated it in over a year, so posting this art here first to hold myself accountable. Istg guys I never stop thinking about this damn fic, I just keep getting busy (sob)

but im totally free now so feel free to spam me to update if I don't do it soon, just this once lmao

(as always, I leave you with a close up of the eyesss <33 also did someone say age height difference?!?)

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Thought this looked familiar... 😏🥹

[day-dream-fever]

First of all, I want to thank you for reaching out to me yesterday. It really helped me realize that what I’m going through is just a creative block with BatLantern. As a multishipper, it’s totally normal for me to gravitate toward multiple ships at once, I’ve been creating fanworks since 2007, and it’s always been like that. But, yes! I do believe you might be able to help rekindle my inspiration for BatLantern with comic panels I haven’t seen yet. I genuinely want to learn more from the comics

Aww np! I enjoy other ships for awhile then come back, I'm not even going to lie I read more superb🦇t fanfics then batlantern so I get you 🏃‍♀️ guilty lmfaooo but hey I think it's totally fine to be stuck or not interested in stuff you once loved. I get blocks as well but I just bug my friends or followers to give me ideas or headcanons if I need to get back into the spirit! (Or I take a break 😁)

Here are some panels that are my personal favourites hehe, if it's ideas or headcanons you need I got LOADS of them on my instagram stories. (They are free to take for any batlantern enjoyers) but again it's totally okay to drift away from stuff you once love. Im just a big enemies to lovers shipper so batlantern was just the perfect flavor of ship for me 🥺

[lyxchen]

The line "There's something that's beautiful, being awake for my funeral, you can close the casket now" from Black Friday is literally SO GOOD!!! It gives me all the thoughts about the angst and the ahhhhhh

[craving-for-chaos]

Okay okay enough talking about Viper can we plz talk a bit about VIPER'S VIPER???

I just KNOW that woman is attached to her snake I KNOW ITTTT

DEFINITELYYY. I don't care how unaffected that woman acts, she loves her belongings (and family/friends) like nobody's business. I bet only like 3 people even know she has a pet, but trust me, she's going to cry when that viper dies, I JUST KNOW IT.

[sapphic-terror]

See what if I just -

Erik has always had a complicated relationship with God, and Charles.

[saltysaltdog]

It's hard to get a grasp on Heket's personality and character voice, largely because she cannot use it. But when she can, what we gather at first glance is...

She's so obnoxiously self centered it is honestly hilarious. If you open Anura before defeating Leshy, she will say this line.

"The Bishops… my family. Have they not suffered enough? Have I not suffered enough? We fought, pathetic vessel. We bled. We grieved. And yet the Red Crown wants more. No more."

Like, genuinely, I can not imagine unironically saying this. Complaining about your struggles, your family suffering... to the last lamb left in the land?!?! You sacrificed them! Girl, time, place, and proper audience, please. Oh, and she can't help but insult you during her pity party. Absolutely top-notch. No notes.

But yes I do have notes. The fact that she's saying this to the lamb implies something more than just simple irony.

She feels she has no-one else she can share this with.

When Leshy has died and after you have your first encounter with Heket in her domain, Shamura comes this sequence of dialogue happens:

Heket: "Shamura! We did not wish to bother you, but-" Kallamar: "Shamura, the Red Crown grows stronger by the day. Already it has succeeded where he has failed before. Leshy has been slain!" Shamura: "Five becomes four becomes three becomes two becomes one becomes nothing." Heket: "...Shamura, rest. We will deal with this. Won't we, Kallamar?"

She is apologetic, a bit surprised, but clearly ready to seek advice before being interrupted.

Perhaps Kallamar thought she was going to be too slow to say it, but in any case, Shamura is in no state to deal with it.

Heket's reaction is not to show her frustration in front of Shamura, but can't help letting a little of it creep in towards Kallamar demanding he agree instead of taking it as a given.

She then turns her anger towards you, an acceptable target.

You there, vessel of the Red Crown! Bow to me, or you will regret it!" [Refuse] Heket: "You will bow, or I will make you!" [Bow] Heket: "Ha! Cowardly vermin. You disgust me."

She demands you bow. Leshy and Kallamar never do the same, so this is something she's doing mainly to copy Shamura and how they behave. She isn't happy no matter what you pick, but instead of inflicting more famine upon you, she changes all the rooms to combat rooms, something closer in line with Shamura's element than her own.

Heket is more or less trapped in the position of needing to be the pillar of support for her siblings. She cannot express her doubts or fears, as when she is less sure of herself, Kallamar cuts her off. Shamura is not in their proper mind. And Leshy...

"We are far older and more powerful than dear brother Leshy was."

Leshy is her baby brother.

And you can tell Heket is the main pillar for the bishops because if you kill her no two bishops are ever seen in the same room again.

Thus, before she has a true reason to hate you, the lamb is the only person she feels safe enough to talk to.

She needs to be strong for her siblings and followers, but you? You're already a heretic. It doesn't matter what she tells you. Her followers know not to listen to heretics. It's safe.

And thus, how you get the line about her family having suffered enough.

In fact, this one moment is the only time outside of threatening you that she uses "I" terms instead of "We".

"Before us stands the last of its kind. All others we have hunted down and put to the blade."

"We need not bother Shamura with this. Deal with it, brother"

[..]"You have felled the youngest of us. We are the Bishops of the Old Faith. We protect against heresies such as yours. We are the guardians of the true word, and we will not tolerate such blasphemy."

"[..]we cast out the Red Crown."

"The one you serve, that monster we have put in chains, will not be satisfied until you have killed all four of us."

Vs

"I will not suffer the same fate as Leshy... Find me in my temple. You will join your kin in slaughter!"

"Finally. I have been looking forward to this. Make your peace, creature. You will not be leaving this temple."

"If you insist I suffer, so shall you."

So at the very least she recognises why you might be trying to kill her, since she mentions your kin.

But it's obvious Heket hasn't really had time to be herself and that her duties, aside from gratuitous violence, don't really allow her to express herself. That makes finding her character so much harder, since until the update all we had was that one melancholic line to define her by.

Before we go on to her quest line, we do have one more bit of dialogue to go over.

"It was not so long ago that we cast out the Red Crown. A mere thousand or so years. The heresy it preached could not be tolerated.

Such noxious ideals... it could not be allowed."

That pause after noxious ideals, that is Heket burying her emotions. She does it once before when she realises Shamura can't help her.

So why the pause here? Does she think that the ideals honestly weren't worth the sacrifice, could have been worked with? That everything was for nothing and now she has to live with it? Or does she truly feel such deep rage and disgust she has to force herself to calm down.

Perhaps she simply misses her brother in that moment, and hates that this is what had to be done.

Again, she redirects her anger onto you, but this time as herself.

For this most damning of sins, the retribution must be slow and painful. I cast a famine upon your Cult!

--

Onto her post relic quest, Heket still has difficulty speaking, but what she does say shows us some of her character growth.

"...we were happy... once. Surprised, Lamb? Monsters like us..."

Instead of referring to Narinder alone as a monster ("The one you serve, that monster we have put in chains,") She can now see how the bishops looked to you and everyone not in the old faith.

You might see our misery as justice... fool. There is no justice in this world. No matter how... how loudly you demand... urge... beg..."

"...Let us leave... Anura... is no longer mine."

This is also not about you. She's not thinking of you when she says this.

You have just made the choice to free her from suffering. You had the choice to not give her throat back, and yet you did.

If you don't

... my punishment... continues. Wounds to externally... fester.

"Fate is for God's to dictate... I would have done the same."

She admits that she wouldn't have shown you the same mercy. But now that she's mortal, she can't see things the same way anymore. She's had time to live outside her doctrine and power. Consider a different perspective. She knows she's been unfair.

She's speaking of herself and her rule.

"No matter how... how(..)"

This is the first time she's ever doubled up her words. The concept of justice is very important to her as the previous arbiter of it. And now she's empathising with the mortals who were under her care. Under her sibling's care.

She's never had to reckon with the idea that her choice to follow the old faith doctrine was wrong. Or with the idea that she herself is no longer a god and that basic rights to her own body can be denied to her. (Assuming you've been a gentle cult leader, as the return of the relic implies.) The kindness she overlooked is becoming very clear to her, and she can't help faltering.

She's still too prideful and self absorbed to thank you, or give any indication she understands this, as she's still processing it as she's talking. But this mid sentence realisation makes her... embarrassed? Ashamed? Regretful? At the very least, a lot more conflicted than when you first gave it back.

To only visit where I once ruled... to only borrow powers I once commanded." [...] "There is no justice in this world."

Vs

"...Let us leave... Anura... is no longer mine."

She speaks haltingly when emotional, and while you can say she's just having difficulty speaking for so long, two things can be true.

And the truth is Heket is a very melancholic character under all the hotheaded violence and power. This is perhaps because she's based so much of herself upon it that without it she's lost.

-

She's usually the most grandiose speaker, discounting Shamura's poetic leanings. So it's probably from her and not Shamura that Leshy has been copying all his ambitious words and turns of phrase from. Yet, when she speaks of things outside the old faith and its teachings, her dogmatic and not-quite use of the Royal "We" disappears into much more casual speech.

And in spite of only speaking about herself in terms of her relationship to her family, she still feels like she can't connect or open up to them.

Technically in your cult if you spy on her thoughts she IS getting better at using I statements and expressing her personal desires, alcohol, food, missing anura, etc.

So here's hoping for more of the frog in the future so I can understand what her deal is.

[blakbonnet]

i love fic authors

[ellmovy]

My theory on why the whole 'you can never escape hetalia' thing is so real is the counting sheep audios. There's no way listening to those in some of your most formative teenage years doesn't do something irreversible to your brain.