#but it's like.. i feel like there are certain things that are typical amongst age groups

[rose-n-gunses]

Occasionally I'll see posts where people talk about feeling alienated from their peers growing up and I'll be like hey same except for the fact that like. I wasn't bullied and I had friends and I "fit in" and such so I feel like I must not be as different as I think or maybe I'm more "normal" than I feel but then like. Sometimes I go out with people my own age and I'm like yeahhhh we are not the same

[breakyourrxles]

❥between two breaths (m) | 𝟙𝟝

𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐞

↳ 'A picture is worth a thousand words,' as the age old adage goes, but you are soon to find out that the narrative spun around them can be worth so much more.

kim sunwoo x fem!reader (side lee juyeon x reader) — idol!sunwoo, fan/trainee!reader. forced proximity, forbidden love, friends to lovers, angst, slow burn, idolverse-typical themes regarding; dating, image, public perception, etc. happy ending, plot-heavy!! reader thinks she's nonchalant about it but she rly isn't. smut. [8,7k wc ongoing] cws: heavy themes of wanting-but-can't-having, mild jealousy, explicit sexual content, a little alcohol consumption, dancing on the edge of career suicide, poor decision making because of The Wanting.

❥ masterlist | ao3

Leaning his face closer to yours, Eric squints devilishly at you and says, "Be nice to me, or I won't scout the way myself to sneak you in."

The following days speed by in a blur; comeback practice, setlist practice, multiple meetings and pre-comeback appearances meant to create interest for what is soon to come commandeer the majority of your time, and it is only once you land in Germany that you realize just how little you have been able to afford for yourself.

There is a wash of relief there when the foreign air hits your skin and the unfamiliarity of a place you have never been before begins to sink in. Of course, MVNE have things they must do here beyond a handful of songs they are set to perform tonight, but photoshoots and social media are nothing compared to the demanding schedule that still awaits you back home.

You've still not spoken to Sunwoo in weeks.

He has been away for the majority of the time, and did not fly with the rest of you. Sunwoo, you find out through overhearing discussions amongst managers, will come in a few hours in the future. Straight to the stage for rehearsals, and then a meager wait following that until it is time to perform for those awaiting him.

One positive thing about it all is that Juyeon has kept his word.

Interactions with him are brief and professional, given the fact that you are in public and there are curious eyes all around. The fans like the two of you together in certain ways—as far as performance and aesthetic are concerned—but both of you know it best to not test the limits of where your friendliness might land you.

You steal glances as he stands near to you, careful not to draw attention to yourself. He is handsome and kind; forthcoming with his thoughts and feelings, incredibly intelligent and well-read on top of it all. For a moment you wonder to yourself, why not him, and then suppose that it really is as intangible and cosmic as what he had said to you only a week or so back.

Your heart just isn't in it. What else can be said for that?

Mid-day rolls around and rehearsals come and go. The sound leaves a lot to be desired with numerous hiccups and discussions following in tow. MVNE will perform four songs, which is plenty given the way your body feels weary on account of the travel and jet lag. A couple of the girls push for one more, but you stay silent in the conversations. Really, your mind is heavier than your body could ever be. Hours have passed, the rehearsal following yours is for The Boyz, and you know who is standing by backstage awaiting their time to shine.

Your feet hurt by the time your time slot is finished—numerous runs done over and over again until finally everyone has got it right. The girls all hurry backstage to enjoy the small amount of time they have until fans start shuffling into their places and the arena lights shine for you and so many others to be seen. At the very least, the green rooms are catered well and there is a whole plethora of food awaiting you.

Once down the stairs and behind the scenes of the glamour, bodies dart around and zoom past you, all with time-sensitive tasks of their own that must be attended to. Black blurs that you cannot make out the faces of before it is too late and they have disappeared off into the distance. People are shouting and static is buzzing from sound systems and communication devices. It's stressful making sure that everything happens precisely the way it is meant to; the air brimming with electricity that can be felt right down to your bones.

You look up and to your left, your eyes catch Kevin's briefly and your heart leaps up into your throat. The understanding that they had been waiting back here is something that logically, you had made peace with, but emotionally? Evidently less so.

Yet you can't look away.

Your attention spans down the line with momentum so fast that it makes your head spin. Chanhee and Haknyeon are standing just behind, though their eyes are set to the ground in anticipation of what's to come. Mimicking them, you also look to the floor, not wanting to accidentally trip on something that may be troublesomely in front of you. Then, your eyes snap back up and as if constructed by fate itself; you find Sunwoo.

He looks at you as if he can feel the fact that your gaze sits heavy on his form. It's so dark and so busy that you only have a second or two to truly get a look at him, but you don't require much to recognize that he has seen better days and wears the fact tiredly upon him.

Those eyes light up for what seems like the first time in a long time.

But you snap away from him and are quickly ushered down the hall towards elsewhere entirely. The girls all make their way inside of the green room, a few of them wasting no time looking over the bountiful display of snacks and drinks that have been waiting there for the taking. Rather than following suit, or sitting to rest your tired feet, you halt just past the doorway and remain lost in a split-second moment that has hardly even happened, at all.

The look on his face, and the obvious desperation seen behind eyes that have no hope of being able to convey the depth of whatever it they feel as though they need to.

"Hey," a familiar voice calls to you, enough to snap you back to the present. Woori nudges you with her shoulder from just beside you and lowers her voice a little bit more to avoid being overheard. "You okay?"

"What? Yeah, of course." What else are you meant to say beyond the thing that you know she wants to hear. "Just tired, jet lagged… You know how it goes."

"First time overseas for an event, it's not easy, I'll tell you that much," she agrees. "I don't know how groups do it, back and forth all the time, but I guess all we can hope for is that eventually, that'll be us, too." There's no response you have to give to her words with your mind still left back in the hallways. Woori notices it—perceptive as she is—and lowering her voice to a whisper she says, "Are you sure you're okay? You know… with everything going on?"

You grant her your attention, and though you have no doubt that your feelings lie fully displayed upon your features, you don't have the fight left in you to attempt to correct it, either.

"It's fine." That's the best you can do. "It's all going to be fine."

From just behind where the both of you stand, a knock raps at the door and shortly thereafter it swings open to reveal a couple of familiar faces that you were not at all anticipating seeing.

There stands Rimi, dressed in white and pastel pinks. Beside her is another girl that you know, though not as familiarly as Rimi, herself. Her name is Kokoro; never not seen with bleached blonde hair and a wild aesthetic of animal prints and vast accessories.

They both enter and immediately wrap you in affection, with strong hugs and kisses pecked to the sides and top of your head. Just what you need, right about now.

"How did you guys get back here?" you ask, still basking in the love that they're showing you. "Don't tell me you've started down the dark path of sneaking into places you know you're not supposed to be."

Rimi's hands set at her hips, a comical display of displeasure at your words and she says, "Please! We would never! But more than that, we don't need to!"

Kokoro raises a hand. "My family knows one of the directors of this production, so we have just about as much free reign of this place as you do."

"Shall we step outside to chat?" Rimi suggests, "We wouldn't want to bother the other girls during their resting time, only you."

Little does she know, their presence is precisely the sort of pick-me-up that you need. Following them out, Kokoro says something about a vending machine with a very particular cold coffee that she wants, and the three of you head down towards her intended prize. It is a less frequently traveled spot by talent and staff alike; no time for anyone to hang around and enjoy the luxury of a beverage in the hours leading up to the show. For the first time in a long time, you feel the tension dissipate from your form. Comforted by the quell of madness.

"We can speak comfortably around Kokoro," Rimi says suddenly, words that feel a little out of place and do more harm than good when it comes to the stress that you're hoping to leave behind. "She already knows everything that goes on everywhere, nothing you could tell her would be news to this one."

You look the girl over. Times spent together in the past have been little more than holding spots in line and journeys for soju and barbeque after an event. However, your trust held in Rimi is unwavering, and if she is willing to vouch, then you allow yourself to accept the fact.

"My family is very well connected," Kokoro says. "I wouldn't be able to escape it if I tried."

The smile you give her is slight and half-hearted, but you don't have it in you to offer much more beyond that.

"That said! How are you? How have things been? It hasn't been long since we last spoke but a lot has happened!" With wide eyes and a dramatic display of disbelief, Rimi shakes her head as she recounts the most obvious elephant in the room. "I mean, can you believe it? Just crazy the way all of that has played out."

Busy with her drink retrieval, Kokoro finally slips the container out from the slot and still bent down, she looks up at you and says, "It must have been a very strange conversation, huh? But I guess this is business. It's all politics, smoke and mirrors and all that, ya know? Like, we always know that's the case, and then you see it in action and it's like whoa, they'll go to any lengths to get what they want, isn't that right?"

Through the course of Kokoro's tirade, your eyebrows have flexed and pressed together on your face. It hasn't been a conscious effort on your part, and though you entered this discussion with a baseline understanding of what is about, the more she has spoken, the less you have come to understand it. Somewhere along the line, the words Kokoro has said have sounded less familiar to you, and more akin to information that you have not yet become privy to.

You understand what the three of you are talking about, but simultaneously, you have no idea what the three of you are talking about.

So, you have no choice but to inquire. Your eyes dart to Rimi—who is watching you expectantly—then back to Kokoro who is seemingly unaware and working towards enjoying her prize.

"Uh, what are we talking about?"

Rimi rolls her eyes and stamps her foot like a cartoon character. "Sunwoo! The pictures, and everything!"

"I know, I gathered that much, but…"

Silence follows. Eventually, any hint of comedic display falls from Rimi and a sense of sincere urgency takes hold instead. "Wait." Her shoulders drop all of their tension, slouching lifelessly to her sides. Cocking her head inquisitively she says, "Have you not… spoken to him?"

Your throat is dry and your eyes drop from hers, unable to maintain the contact as this topic persists.

"No, I don't think I have to explain why."

"Oh shit!"

It drops from Rimi's mouth before she has a chance to reel it back. Her hands fly over her mouth and Kokoro gasps in the aftermath of it, gently swatting at her as if to reprimand her for saying it. Reaching towards you, Rimi grips your arm tightly—almost enough to hurt—and with a kind of determination you've never seen from her before she says, "Babe, you need to talk to him, oh my god. It's not true!"

Your stomach drops before you have time to truly consider the weight of what you have just been told.

"Wha… I saw the pictures," you stammer, "We all saw them. We saw the articles, the company statement…"

After struggling for quite some time, the cap finally pops off of Kokoro's drink. She takes a sip and appears wholly unbothered by the weight of the conversation that is happening around her. A loud sigh follows her sip, like she's filming for a commercial and selling the part to perfection, and once she's finished Kokoro finds the time to attend to you.

"I mean, yeah, the photos are real in the sense that they exist and they were spotted out together." She takes another sip, enamoured by the flavor in ways that seem incredibly untimely given the gravity of what is happening to you. "It's the story around them that's not. I thought for sure you would have known this, figured this was already water under the bridge. They must be keeping a real tight leash on him then."

You close your eyes, shake your head in disbelief and just say: "Pause."

A moment is needed for you to think through the unimaginable amount of thoughts swirling around in your head. You take in a slow but deep breath, holding it inside of your lungs until you can't stand to keep it there for any longer. Your nerves settle slightly, enough to move forward with all of this without completely shutting down, bursting into tears, and ruining the incredible amount of stage make-up that is crafted upon your face.

"Can you just… Start from the beginning."

"I'll keep watch!" Rimi announces, craning her body so that she can look down the hall.

"Okay, so." Kokoro revels in another sip of her coffee drink before continuing on. "My dad works with a lot of very high-profile people, so I hear about all of the nasty business in the industry. Entertainment companies, news, politics… all of it," she says. "He's currently assigned a job working very closely with the news source that posted those photos and the article along with it, and you know, these people love to talk. They love gossip. They can't sit on a secret without it killing them. Love the attention."

Growing impatient, you say, "Can we just…"

"Right! Anyway, he was there when the story broke, and I guess it was a big deal when it happened, the office was going crazy about it! So, they went out for some drinks after work and got to talking, and apparently everyone working on the project spilled! There was a lot of correspondence with your company back and forth, and apparently it wasn't just some random paparazzi that snapped the photos and sent them in… It was your company, themselves."

The more she says, the more your heart sinks down to your gut.

"So, they get these pictures of him out with this photographer. The outing is nothing special, nothing happens. It's just a casual thing amongst colleagues but you know, you can snap a single photo of a moment and spin it to seem like anything with the right kind of story attached. Which is precisely what they did. That company paid a lot of money for this all to get out, by the way. Orchestrated the whole thing. And I can't prove this—it's just something my dad overheard in passing another day—but it seems like they did it to manufacture tension in-house." Kokoro stops, gives you a knowing look and then says, "Don't have to be the smartest person in the room to know exactly what that means."

Voice trembling, you say: "They know about us."

"Yup, and are going about breaking it up in the nastiest way they know how," Kokoro confirms. "I mean, if you think about it from their perspective, there's no other way. No-dating rules have been a thing in the industry for decades but it doesn't stop anyone from doing it anyway. If you sniff out some funny business under your roof, the only real way to ensure that it stops is to craft up a way for those people to not want anything to do with each other the natural way—good ol' emotional manipulation style."

You feel sick. Your stomach twists and your chest tightens, eyes stinging with the pain of tears you're desperate to fight back. Everything hurts, straight down to your bones; body limp with the discovery that you have never been as attuned to the intricate and downright wicked willingness these people have to get whatever it is that they want.

"You're sure?" you ask. Realistically, you already know the answer to the question, but something inside of you needs to hear the confirmation one more time.

Kokoro nods. "Yeah, without a doubt. I'm really surprised he hasn't reached out about it, but my guess is that they're watching him like a hawk. He probably doesn't have free access to his phone if he hasn't."

No wonder Sunwoo never reached out once the story broke. The sickness writhes inside of you just that much more in relation to everything that has transpired since then; your feelings, your actions, things that can never be undone or taken back.

All just to find out that Sunwoo hasn't done anything, at all. Instead, he is the person with the target on his back; the first shot sent from his very own company, and the second—unbeknownst to him—fired from you.

"Someone's coming!" Rimi whisper-shouts.

Kokoro nods to her and the conversation comes to a close, but before you will allow it to do so, you grasp the sleeve of her coat into your hand and say, "Thank you, but… I need to talk to him. How do I talk to him?"

Her eyes widen. "You're asking me?" Thinking it over for a few seconds, her head bobbles in a considering sort of way as if mulling over any potential options and she says, "Are you close to anyone else in there? Someone else you trust? I can't talk to Sunwoo himself, the degrees of separation aren't far enough, but I might be able to pass a message along and start orchestrating something."

Juyeon would be willing, you know that fact well. You trust him and have seen firsthand how capable he is through missions of stealth. However, involving him in this feels too close to home—as well as other things—and so, you opt into your next best and considerably more messy option.

"Eric."

Squinting suspiciously, as if to say that you have missed the importance of this being a covert sort of going on, Kokoro relents to it and just says, "Well, alright. Eric it is, then. I'll try to talk to him and figure something out, Rimi and I will message you when we have something but it's probably for the best if we're not seen together again after this. Not until we're back in Seoul, at least."

How deep does the rabbit hole go, you wonder.

Rimi [18:47]: great news~♡ kokoro talked to eric about that client her dad works with who wants to work with him in the future and it looks like he's super open to it! we wanted to talk to him about it more later after the show, but he said something about just being way too busy with the gym tonight (¬_¬") men can be so annoying, but that's how it is! see you in seoul again soon~!

Covered in sweat, it is the first thing you see on your phone upon arriving back inside of the green room. Your heart skips, breath holding inside of your lungs out of fear that should you dare breathe, the possibility of this may disappear with it.

This is code. Obviously enough to you with the knowledge you have but not so much so that anyone who happens to see it could understand the hidden meaning behind the words. 

Unexpectedly, a hand finds your back and you jump at the fright.

Kaia swings around to settle in your line of vision with a big smile on her face and a make-up wipe in hand, always the fastest to rid herself of the excessiveness of it all.

"Great job out there tonight, you were electric," she says, "We're all going to go out for dinner and some drinks, enjoy the city a bit while we're here, tell me you'll come along with us!"

You want to say no, but there is no good excuse for not doing so. The Boyz trail behind you in their performance and are set to go on shortly, and rushing back to the hotel only ensures that you sit waiting until a later point in time where you are finally able to begin perusing the hauls for the place it is that you will seek. Truthfully, the only reason you wish to bow out is a selfish desire to be alone with your own thoughts and worries; what will happen, what has happened, and what might be waiting for you in the not so distant future.

"Of course I'll come," you say, putting all of your ample weariness on the shelf for the time being. A formidable task. "You were great, too. We all were."

Miyoung is passing by as you say it, catches ear of what you've said, and flashes you a smile as she continues on her way.

For MVNE, things couldn't be better. Little do they know how close you are to bringing it all toppling down.

You don't know Eric's manager, nor how intense he is about his line of work. All you know is that this had seemingly been his plan, and if he had set it into motion, then it must be fairly smooth going from here.

The room you have is shared with Serri and you're quite thankful for that. A perfect night for her is staying in, watching television and scrolling through her phone with little interest for much else to entertain her. She is quiet and kind, but wholly uninterested in being the life of the party—especially after a long day of travel, rehearsals, and performances.

When you say you're leaving to see what the accommodations have to offer, she barely even hums to acknowledge your words.

Circumstances are such now that you can't take any chances with anyone you may run into, and so, you are dressed accordingly. The typical wear of an idol engaged in sneaky business and you make it a point to keep your head low, not bothering to ask the front desk where the location of the gym even is. You trust you can find it on your own—these places have maps everywhere—and once you make it to the lobby, your instinct to trust your gut is instantly rewarded.

Basement level, just one more level down and just beside the pool.

You don't know what time you're meant to be here, and you don't ask Rimi for any further clarification, either. Correspondence with Eric is certainly out—not that you have a way of getting ahold of him, anyway—so all that you can hope is that their business is wrapped up and you haven't kept him waiting so long that he has already retired back to bed. It's late, most people are no longer making their way through the halls… All you can do is hope.

Down here it's musty and the scent of lingering wetness clings to the carpet that you're walking on. You pass a door for staff, and then the very next one is precisely what you are searching for.

With a racing heart that threatens to leap from your chest, you slowly push the door open.

And seated on a bench right in plain sight, is Eric.

"Your friends told me they have an exciting opportunity waiting for me, how nice of you to send them my way."

While a part of you wants to clear the distance and jam a fist into his arm, the stronger part nearly wants to break down and cry.

"Youngjae…"

His eyes go wide. "Whoa, government name. You're really in the trenches, huh?"

Fighting the floor of emotions that threaten to take hold, you bring your palms to your face and drag them downwards woefully as you make your way towards him. Eric pats the empty portion of the bench just beside him and you take your seat with a despondent plop.

"I need to talk to Sunwoo."

"You're kinda dumb, you know that? I can't believe you saw all that and really thought that what you were seeing is what you were really getting. I mean, seriously? Another woman?"

"You're not helping."

Eric reels a bit, rolls his eyes like he accepts that his badgering is not particularly wanted and says, "I'm just saying, you know that guy is crazy about you. I mean, I didn't have the proof and he hadn't told me it wasn't true yet but like… I kind of knew someone was playing games, and it wasn't him."

"You can hang me up in the city square for torture another time, but right now I need to talk to him. He doesn't have his phone?"

"Nope, at least, not without someone eyeing him while he's using it. It's kind of a nightmare, if I'm being honest. Can't send as many dick jokes as I'd typically like." You look over at him with a glare, and once again Eric realizes that his additional anecdotes are falling on deaf ears. "Alright, look… It's late enough by now that I don't think he's being hounded. We got food and some drinks after the show and then a few of us headed back in, him included. I told him I was going to come over so we could see if the theory is true that Ridiculousness is literally always showing on TV in hotels, no matter where you are or what time it is. He seemed to like that idea."

"I cannot believe you guys are actually idols," you say, "No wonder everyone likes girl groups now, instead."

Leaning his face closer to yours, Eric squints devilishly at you and says, "Be nice to me, or I won't scout the way myself to sneak you in."

His hand grips your wrist and just as swiftly, you are dragged to your feet and back towards the door.

When the elevator announces your arrival, your breath fully catches in your throat. Once again, you hold it for fear that none of this is real, that with one faulty move karma will deem your being here something that should not happen.

The silver doors slide open and Eric pops his head out.

"Nothing, it's clear. Pretty sure everyone is asleep already, managers included."

"Even for him?" you ask.

Looking back at you he says, "Yeah, they're tyrants but they're not on him twenty-four-seven, nobody gets paid enough to do that. Let's go."

Eric wanders down the hallway with the sort of nonchalant ease of a guy with absolutely nothing to lose. It must be nice, you think to yourself, walking with your body nearly curling inside of itself as if to disappear should the slightest of glances fall upon you.

"What if someone else is inside?" you ask then, nervousness making itself evident through your questioning.

He briefly glances back at you again. "Again, not paid enough."

"You guys don't room together?"

"Not anymore, perks of being in the game for a while." Eric pauses for a second and then says, "Wait, you two were friends for a while before all of this, don't you know that already?"

"I never went to his room, are you insane?"

Playfully offended, Eric tosses his hands into the air and says, "Okay, sorry. Forgot meeting at restaurants was a much safer option, as has thoroughly been demonstrated to us."

His jovialness is hardly appreciated.

The two of you turn a corner and after only a few more steps, you stop in front of a door. Neither of you move, and after a couple of long, unnecessarily drawn out moments Eric looks at you and says, "Okay. We're here. Knock."

"Is it weird that I'm scared?"

He rolls his eyes, a seemingly common reaction from him in regards to you now. "Oh my god." His fist pounds on the door—far more loudly than you think is really necessary given that this whole operation is meant not to draw attention—and then before the door even begins to draw open, Eric begins his journey back the way you came.

"You're not waiting!?" It's something in between a necessary whisper and a displeased yell, and all he gives you in reply to it is a big grin and a shrug.

Time draws on so slowly that you easily lose track of how much goes by with you perched up outside of the room. How many seconds has it been? A minute, perhaps? You don't know. Beneath your skin, your veins feel like fire in anticipation of what's to come. Maybe he's asleep, maybe Eric was wrong and the person that is soon to greet you is the angry face of a manager that somehow knew that all of this was taking place. A heavy exhale leaves you and it's shaky with uncertainty. You shouldn't be here, you can still leave… and yet, you can't. No matter what.

There's a click from behind the door and your heart nearly stops. It begins to pry open slowly, and though you aren't quite able to make out what lies beyond, the thing that does come to you is the gentle waft of warm steam and the noise beyond that grows louder as it widens.

An arm slips out, hand grasping your sweatshirt by the sleeve and forcefully dragging you inside.

What awaits you hidden away in those walls is a flurry of lips, teeth and hands.

Neither of you say a word and Sunwoo's mouth finds yours in a flash. His hands are warm and wet; hastily slipping beneath your sweater and tearing it upwards to rid you of the bothersome thing. With a pounding heart and chest that feels suffocatingly tight, you completely let go and relent to what he intends to give you; it's been far too long, you put up enough of a fight, and as far as you are concerned… This is the other side of a battle well-fought.

Beside you, the bathroom door is left ajar—a shower still running hot inside of it. The taste of beer still lingers faintly on Sunwoo's tongue as you revisit a place you have been so many times before. His skin is damp, warm; and droplets of water hopelessly cling to long, black clumps of curls that dangle in front of his eyes.

But more than anything else, he is relentless in his pursuit.

Sunwoo's fingers dig at the button of your jeans and though you make the effort to aid him in the task, it is already completed by the time your hands find their way there. His movements are hurried and clumsy; needy and rushed that aren't entirely unlike him but nothing that you have quite seen before. Teeth nip at your bottom lip and your body melts into the feeling of his hands smoothing over the skin of your sides. When your head falls back, he takes it as the perfect opportunity to drag his lips down the expanse of your throat; kissing, nipping… Maybe even marking. 

You should care. You should find the strength to take the reins of this and bring it back to a place that isn't so desperate with careless need.

But you don't.

Dragging you into the bathroom, Sunwoo's mouth barely leaves your skin even for a second. Fingers disappear beneath the top of your jeans and they are quickly shimmied from your legs, discarded and quickly forgotten. Right along with all other intimates you had been hiding underneath.

Once you are finally disrobed, the towel tied at Sunwoo's hips is the next to fall away. His hands come back up to cradle your face, the urgency behind his actions slows to nearly a halt, and he kisses you again unlike any of the times before.

It isn't want that hangs shackled behind this motion, but something far more delicate and sensitive to the touch. This is adoration, it's regret, it's something raw and exposed and meant only for you, and you, alone.

It feels like love.

Sunwoo presses you to step backwards, and so you follow suit. The water is hot and jarring to your skin as it cascades down upon you. Never letting go, the persistence once again finds its way within his motions and once chaste kisses are replaced with tongue and teeth and a need to feel you in all of the ways he has been so desperate for before.

Your palms press into the flesh of his chest and the mere amount of muscle that rests underneath. Sunwoo is overwhelming in his insistence on all things, and being a lover is no different. The air is heavy around you with moisture in a way that makes it difficult to breathe, inebriated by the combination of both it and his desire to have you.

As your touch wanders, so does his. You slip down towards his waist and settle at his hips, now starkly aware of the fact that neither of you have a single garment covering your forms. All of your shared intimacy up until this point has been quick and to the point with little time afforded to revel in the joy of exploring one another's bodies. All of this is new to you, entirely uncharted waters await.

You feel his fingertips light and gentle as they slip down the front of your body and towards the space between your legs. Sunwoo's touch is shockingly delicate given the way his lips slot against your own. The feeling of his hands on your skin, his body pressing harder, firmer against your own dizzies you nearly out of the ability to think clearly. You've wanted this for so long; tried to fight it and lied to everyone—including yourself—in an attempt to win the war waging between you.

Sliding a hand up his back, you bury fingers deep within his hair. Sunwoo groans into your open mouth as a result of the touch and the sound of him like this—the look of him with lustful, half-lidded eyes and lips plump from abuse—sends a wanting chill down your spine that all but has you melting into putty in his hands.

When he goes in to connect your lips once more, you keep the hold of his head in your hands firm, disallowing him from doing so. The thought has lingered in the darkest recesses of your mind ever since his touch fell upon you; a dutiful thing that—while ugly and untimely—simply cannot be ignored.

"I…" you begin to say, and even just that much is sputtered out in a directionless way, with no clear path to follow. Sunwoo looks at you tentatively and with unwavering interest. All that you can hope for is that what you have to say will not shutter it away—rightfully, and for good.

"I…" you start again, forcing the rest of the confession out past the painful dryness in your throat. "I slept with Juyeon." Tears begin to form but you refuse to let them come. Crying on account of your own actions feels manipulative even if the intent to be so is not truly there. Your lip trembles as you continue with the words. "After the article, the pictures… I—"

Sunwoo's face twists into a mixture of things as he looks at you: confusion, disbelief, but most of all… indifference. "I don't fucking care," he says, firm and resolute. His hands clasp your face all over again and he kisses you hard, pulls back, and then reiterates it again: "I don't fucking care about that."

Your back finds the smooth tile of the shower wall shortly thereafter, and Sunwoo's hand falls down once more  to fit between your legs. The gasp that slips away from your lips is immediately taken in by his own through fervent kisses and the ever so slight but pleased grin that twists at his mouth. Knees that feel gelatinous threaten to no longer be able to hold your weight, the arousal pooling where he touches you leaving your senses feeling stifled past anything but him. You can no longer hear the sounds of the water beating down or smell the faint hint of floral shampoo that once seemed so strong in the air; only slightly panting breaths just beside your ear and alcohol that has long since been consumed.

Sunwoo's fingers are long and slender, inching down and then slowly inside in an effort to have you melting around them. Tension drops from your shoulders as he does, your head falling back against the wall and his lips quick to taste the exposed skin there. That all-too-knowing curl follows—heel of his palm firm against the dull throb that begs for attention—this place has been visited between the two of you so many times before, and Sunwoo's expertise in the matters of having you come undone this way are fully on display.

His free hand finds your thigh and the feeling of his fingernails gently gripping into the flesh there as your body craning off the wall and harder up against his, but the pleading groan that drips from him afterwards is the final straw of your quickly dwindling sense of composure.

In your mind, the way you say his name sounds stronger than the actuality of it; broken, pathetic, and little more than a whimper.

"God, I want…"

Sunwoo doesn't finish the thought but you already know precisely what he means by it. This is quickly spiraling out of control should either of you hope to walk away from this with good decisions having been made. There is no push for more being made save for the idle desperation felt from his fingertips raking at your thigh. He wants more—knows neither of you have walked into this situation amply prepared for that—and worst of all, so do you.

And throwing all caution to the wind; a victim of being drunk with history, regret, and arousal, you find his warm, wet lips all over again to kiss him with silent, unspoken confidence and intent.

"I don't care," you whisper against them.

The reaction that follows is nothing short of a culmination of things, none of which are ill-suited for the situation at hand. Sunwoo's head falls back, eyes rolling as if some part of him had been holding out hope for the fact that you might be better than him—better than this. You're not, neither is he; and though it may be poor decision making at its finest, when his gaze drops down to find yours again, there is a sort of sinister hunger now sitting behind his eyes.

You know Sunwoo well enough to know he wouldn't dare to broach the subject on his own, but your willingness to put it on the table for yourself is simply too much for him to be able to deny.

The grip becomes strong, creating space for his hips between your legs as the hand once there moves to himself. His chest presses against your own, lips ghosting across yours as you feel the careful first push inside.

"Can't tell you no," he says softly, breath escaping him through the words as he sinks deeper into your body. "I've been dying to give you anything you want."

Feeling him bury into you, the closeness of your bodies, and the heat of your surroundings has you dizzy with need. Your hands slide up the hot, wet skin of his back with nails fast to dig in and find purchase against the muscles just below. They flex and move beneath your touch, tense with strength to hold you open for him and shifting with every slow, concentrated drive of himself into you. The friction of each drag blurring your vision, oxygen thick and hard to take into your lungs through the steam that continues to form.

Once frenzied kisses fall to the wayside in favor of open mouth panting and a repeated chorus of whines, groans and moans. Sunwoo watches your expressions intently for any hint of how to take you further as he settles into a more demanding, conscious pace. "Feel good?" he asks, voice low and labored, intonation matching with every press of his hips against yours. 

The answer is written all over your face, given away with every sound that falls away from you and every deep drag of your nails against his back. He'll likely walk away from this encounter with rows of evidence to show for the fact, and you can only hope that there's nothing in his immediate future that might cause that being known.

Even just thinking about it has his name escaping you in a desperate plea for more of him.

"Keep doing that and I'm gonna come," Sunwoo says, a hedonistic growl laced through his tone. "But I need to feel you fall apart on me first." His lips drag across the flesh of your jaw, teeth lightly sinking in as he continues fucking you through the way his words make you tighten around him. "Then I'll have you moaning my name as much as you want."

Your muscles tense, the need for release teetering on the edge of unbearable to the point that your body aches from the tension. Nails dig deeper into him, so much so that he winces at the feeling but never once relents, and taking matters into his own hands, Sunwoo presses you harder against the wall in anticipation for how unrelenting his drives become. Faster, longer, fuller strokes that have you coming undone at a breakneck pace. Any control of your volume immediately falls to the wayside and is amplified by the bathroom echo—so just as quickly, Sunwoo fits his palm snugly across your mouth.

His eyes fixate on yours, completely in tune to the feeling and movement of your body as he works to bring you over the edge. Eyes blown out with lust and need and a sort of carnal desire to have and acquire something that he has, to some degree, always believed to be his.

"Come on," he urges, "Come for me, your body's begging for it."

Once loud moans dissipate into a silent cry through your release. It shakes you, rattles your body almost painfully as it rips through you. Any concept of your surroundings completely melts away for those few, slow seconds following the intensity that wrecks your body. Sunwoo never stops, never slows as he continues to fuck you through it without so much as a falter; and the gasps you find do cuminate into a breathless, pathetic chant of his name just as he so desired.

But he can't continue through it much longer, in the haze of your immediate aftermath you can feel the shake to his strength, the tremble of his breaths as his own end rushes to find him. The once easy rhythm to his hard drives into you are quickly dissembling; his head drops, forearm pressed to the wall beside your head like the additional assistance to his stance is needed.

Watching him unravel like this is delectable in ways you never could have possibly anticipated.

"Gonna come," he whines, "I'll pull—"

"Don't."

Your insistence for otherwise has his hips stuttering, head dropping down to just beside yours as he growls through the logical resistance of it. Hands once firms against his back slide down to his hips, guiding him forward and urging him to do precisely as you have instructed.

"Fuck." The exasperation sounds punched out of his chest, aching and craving for exactly what you've offered him. His head snaps back up, the hand against the wall then curling around to lightly grip into your hair as hungry lips once again find your own. All teeth and tongue and groans into your mouth as his drives once again find the speed and depth they had before. "Want me to come inside you?" he says, words filthy and coated with venom on his tongue. "Want me to take you, want me to really make you mine?"

And the airy yes that escapes from you is just as sinful.

Confirmation is all he needs, the simple word echoing against the shower walls as Sunwoo buries himself hard and deep inside of you. Laborious pants draft over your mouth, his chest rising and falling in quick succession with every aching throb of release that shakes him. He pulls from you only just a bit before pressing forward fully again, and an anguished whimper dies in his throat for the last time.

Basking in the immediate aftermath, there is only silence now. Your chests rise and fall with the hope of finally finding the calmness of breath that you seek, and slowly breaking apart your bodies, Sunwoo hisses at the feeling of loss and then suspiciously squints at you.

"Oh, you're a freak, huh?"

You deadpan.

"Says the guy with a fire-hot possessive streak."

"Very normal kink to have, I'll have you know." He inches his face closer to yours again, lingers in the space just between your mouths and then quickly pecks a kiss there. "Sure worked for you."

Gently shoving him backwards and into the stream of water, you roll your eyes and relent to the most obvious thing of all. "I guess I should have known that the mouthiest guy I know would be no different… In other aspects."

"Yes, you should have," Sunwoo agrees, and annoyingly so. "And as much-needed as this was and a great reunification gift… I guess we've got a whole lot more talking that we need to do."

The sound of his voice in the latter half of the realization is so far from the strength and confidence displayed only moments before. Sunwoo's eyes fall away from yours like he doesn't have the courage to face you, nor the choices you have made. Juyeon had insisted that this day would come, and though you had eventually relented to accepting that fact, suppose you had expected there to be just a bit more time spanning in between. Time for it to feel further in the past, time for it to feel less like a wound still trying to scab.

You offer a small and forced smile then say, "Lets get cleaned up, I want to enjoy this for a little while longer."

Sunwoo crawls into bed beside you last, tending to the last minute prep of your final moments together like this. You are unable to spend the night here and are expected to be found in your room by the time a manager makes his way to retrieve you in the morning. You'll be tired, the wear of the long evening will certainly show on your face… But it was worth it, without a doubt in your mind.

The television flickers on and a program that you neither recognize nor understand flashes onto the screen just as the light to the room is harshly shut off. It smells faintly of him; clothing, cosmetics, fragrances scattered about as far as the eye can see with little care for the place that they happen to land. Comforting and familiar within the coffin of a secret you no longer hold.

Slipping in beside you, Sunwoo's head falls daintily to the side as he offers you a tight-lipped smile. His arm falls over the front of you—laid out on your back and spending the majority of your time staring towards the ceiling.

Tip-toeing back through the memory of how it is that the two of you arrived here.

"So," he says, and his voice is so quiet that you almost don't even hear him. "Tell me."

But there's no strength behind those words, and that sinks into your chest with a weight far heavier than anything you could have anticipated. Sunwoo wants to know because he feels like he needs to; not through jealousy or even anger, but because of the very same reason that Juyeon knew to be true.

"I was angry." Staring up at the darkness of the ceiling, from here it looks as though it can carry on forever. A part of you wishes that you could disappear into it, leaving all of this behind, but the tender curl of Sunwoo's fingertips into the flesh of your stomach remind you to be present and that being here just might be worth it, after all.

"I had actually just gotten back from meeting with my friend, one of the girls that met with Eric backstage. We talked about you. Talked about us." You pause, remembering that day. Inhaling deeply, you continue on. "I got home and the girls showed me. I mean, what else was I meant to think?"

Turning your head, your eyes find his. Light from the TV flashes across them in an almost mesmerizing way. Easy to get lost in, easy to forget that all of this has been, and will continue to be, so hard.

"So, I was hurt, and I was angry, because I thought how can he be saying all of this to me while doing this behind my back? It's not as though we've never talked about you and other women, so I figured if there would ever be someone else, you'd at least respect me enough to say as much. It just felt like a knife to the back, after everything."

"You wanted payback," Sunwoo reasons.

"Yeah, and what better way to cash in, I guess."

"Fucking my friend?" The words are jarring when you hear them despite the light and comical way that he delivers it. Sunwoo rolls his eyes, sighs, and says, "Sure, that'll do it."

"Are you mad?"

"No." Inching closer, Sunwoo's lips ghost just beside your ear to say, "I came inside you." But as if the consideration has only just found him, he reels back suddenly, startled and says, "Wait, did he…?"

You shove him with nearly enough strength to have him falling out of the bed completely.

"No! Are you insane?"

The giggle that follows is annoying and presumptuous in its intent, but true, nonetheless. Sunwoo crawls his way back to snugly fit his body against yours and says, "See, you like me. What's there to be mad about? All jokes aside though, the whole situation is shit and obviously I know how it looks, so I can't really blame you for acting out. I mean, sure, I kinda wish you didn't fuck Tall, Scary and Handsome because that's a whole lot to try and compete with, but Juyeon's nice. He's a good guy. He probably had a whole lot to say about it, too."

Your eyes shut slowly at the recollection. "Yeah, he certainly does… Think about things."

"I take solace in the fact that you had to suffer for it in some way."

In silence, the two of you lay together for many long moments. Sunwoo's finger traces shapes over the expanse of your skin idly, lost in thought much like yourself, if you had to guess as much. Your mind has been heavy since long before your arrival here and the subsequent actions taken thereafter; but now that they have occurred, your thoughts have muddled and congealed past the point of being recognizable to you.

Turning your head to look at him again, you find the courage to say the thing that maybe—for a long time now—you've really wanted to say.

It isn't permanent, just speaking it aloud, but it certainly does feel that way.

"I don't think I want to be an idol anymore."

Sunwoo's hand slowly comes to a stop.

a/n: fun fact but this shower scene was The Scene that this whole entire thing spawned from, and now we're finally here. escape by tbz the perfect listening vibes for it 😋

[acradelius]

Can I request some 049 x female Reader headcanons where the Reader is pregnant with 049’s child?

"We're Expecting! Don't Tell The O5 Council!"

Fandom: Secure. Contain. Protect. (SCP)

Pairing: SCP-049 ("Doctor") x Female! Researcher! Reader

Rating: Lime [🟢] - (Equivalent to PG-13)

Warnings/Mention Ofs: Human! Reader, Researcher! Reader, Human x SCP, Human x SCP Relationship, AFAB! Reader, Female Pronouns Used For Reader, Unexpected Pregnancy, Most Likely Post! Contaiment Breach, Slightly Overprotective Doctor, Very Involved Parental! Doctor, Internally "Paranoid"! Doctor, Limited "Normal" Pregnancy Customs.

Word Count: 873 Words

If you'd like to be tagged for all posts, certain fandom posts, or certain character posts then feel free to message me!

There wasn’t much doubt that amongst the scale of ‘Definitely Not Human-Like’ to ‘As Human As Could Possibly Be, But Still Not Actually Human’, Doctor was more so teetering towards the edge of being more human-like than majority of the other S.C.P. beings that were also residing within the containment site, even still after the initial breach. That didn’t stop the researcher, (Y/N), from initiating a relationship with the Doctor, and eventually it became as intimate as it possibly could have. Despite that intimacy, there wasn’t necessarily ever a thought that a pregnancy between Doctor and (Y/N) could possibly happen, at least until viewing the results of the pregnancy tests that (Y/N) had taken. While there was some initial anxiety when it came to telling Doctor, he was actually pretty excited about the news! 

While within the early stages of their relationship Doctor had respected (Y/N)’s boundaries for space and privacy, now that she’s carrying their child, there’s not really such a thing as space and privacy anymore. (Y/N) couldn’t even make the five steps from Doctor’s desk to the bathroom within his laboratory without him jumping up to assist her. “Are you doing well, Chère? Do you need any assistance? Is there anything concerning the baby?” With that being said, the security around the laboratory is increased as well. There’s also more reanimated subjects that are placed around the laboratory, and even the most common places that (Y/N) typically ventures to and from, for an extra form of protection. It had gotten to the point that Doctor had to venture through the site looking for something, but didn’t want to disturb (Y/N) from their nap, so he had one of the subjects lay in the bed with her for protection.

Doctor is absolutely involved with the baby, ever since the moment that (Y/N) had revealed to him that she was pregnant with his child. He would spend literal hours just reading out loud to her and the child, whether it be his own research papers, random magazine pages found strewn across hallway floors, or would even spend time reading the files based on his other S.C.P. companions. It’s the same thing when it comes to listening to music, even if it’s various languages that (Y/N)’s unfamiliar with or hasn’t even heard of before. Doctor swears that while he hasn’t had any children before, that he’s done his fair share of research when it comes to pregnancies and even early childhood education, though (Y/N) is a bit unsure since it’s been quite some time since Doctor has been within the general public, especially in today’s day and age. He claims that it’s critical, and a long term benefit, that a developing baby experiences these things.

This pregnancy is definitely something more than just a generic pregnancy for Doctor, but he’s not going to make that known to (Y/N) unless he absolutely has to. As stated above, he’s never had a child before, and hasn’t came across anyone else like himself, so he’s unaware of what to actually expect when it comes to someone like him having a child within someone such as her. He’s not just monitoring the basic and typical pregnancy symptoms and such when it comes to watching over his beloved and her pregnancy. Secretly, he’s also monitoring for any abnormalities, anything that could end up becoming alarming or dangerous for (Y/N) or the baby, and even both. He doesn’t want to lose either of them, and therefore he would rather be able to take the risk of doing this part of the monitoring in secret if that means making sure that (Y/N) and their baby is doing well. While he was alone for the majority of his life before she had come along, Doctor isn’t sure if he would be able to continue on if he was to lose her.

Whenever (Y/N)’s due date, or at least an estimate of when the due date would be, there’s only a certain few other S.C.P. beings that Doctor is comfortable with her being around, even if she’s interacted with them for quite some time before the initial breach. He doesn’t want to take any chances with something happening to (Y/N) or the baby, especially with how sporadic and violent some of them can be. He only wants those that he can absolutely trust to be around them, at least at first, those that he knows will also do their best to make sure that things are going smoothly and stress-free. (Y/N) mentioned how this was slightly unfair once and therefore (Y/N) was only allowed to interact with who he didn’t deem safe enough through the intercom to his laboratory, or writing to each other with erasable markers on the window. This even means creating a whole different room or section of the site that Doctor’s located within to treat his “patients”, as he wants to make sure that the environment is going to be safe and sterile, or as sterile as it can be, for a safe, healthy delivery of his beloved little baby to be.

[asktheritochampion]

Revali!

How does... how does this look! This was what I wore during my time in Lurelin with my human family. They were... unfortunately killed by a wandering Lynel. I must tell you this Revali, but Lynels aren't 'mindlessly' killing anything. When they kill or injure hylians, gerudo, ritos, zoras or gorons, they do it for FUN. I appreciate you ending my species. They killed those that taught me how to read, write, talk, cook, plant, and so many other things. As I mourned, the Lynel that slaughtered the ones who nutured me to who I am laughed in my face and told me I was a fool to love and care for Hylians. That Lynel told me that all life that wasn't a Lynel was nothing but dust under my hoof. I yearn for their deaths. If I die under yours or your mens wings, then so be it, I would be more than proud knowing at least you helped me defeat an enemy of yours and mine. I need your help. Once the Lynels are dead, and they hopefully don't ressurect, I will be more than happy than to give my soul for Rito training. Please accept my request. And don't feel bad about the blood of Lynels on your wings. They DESERVED their deaths.

Walk with me.

How much do you know of philosophy and ethical studys?

Once upon a time, in very ancient days now, Rito were considered 'savage beasts' to Hylians because they did not understand out ways. They hunted us, and so we began to hunt them back. Our two races were violent and cruel to one another, both beleiving the other was a race of unintelligent beasts killing our people for sport.

The truth is, we were all beasts. Those flightless apes killed our women and took our children to study like animals for fun. We would hunt them from the sky and play games shooting down their people - even families. That is what our people had been taught. It's what their parents did, what their grandparents did. They didn't know any better.

Now - much study has been done into Bokoblins. Horrid little beasts - but easy to capture. They do not breed, they have no families. The creatures spawn from Ganon's malice. They feel no complex emotions, no one is entirely certain whether they even have free will or thought. They eat one another, kill anything they see, and truely appear to live only to serve the demon king as mindless puppets.

Typically is no ethical worry about killing Bokoblins. They aren't people - they are barely creatures, mere figments of Ganon's wrath.

This was thought the same for all monsters - at least at first. Now days there is more study being done into Lizalflo - they seem to be capable of forging metal weaponry - something which requires skill and design - suggesting they could have some form of sentiance.

Then there's you. A Lynel that was raised by Hylians to be 'good'. To repress any violent urges, and to live a peaceful life amongst others. If you are capable of being re-conditioned - that suggests that all Lynel are capable of free will and congative thought. Perhaps they do kill for fun - but perhaps that is all they know. If other Lynel were raised in different enviroments, who's to say they also couldn't asimilate into a society? Suddenly - there is our ethical dilema.

We're no longer killing an animal. We're killing a person raised in a bad situation.

However - regardless of this ethical conundrum, I personally have no qualms about revenge murder for the killing of loved ones. Thus, if you take me to those who killed your Hylian kin then I shall gladly do my duties as a warrior to smite them.

Still, your presence here is something I must discus with the Princess regarding how we move forwards with Lynels as a whole. On the one wing, attempting to force them from a young age into more recognisable practises to our own is colonization which I shant stand for, however we simply cannot allow them to assult and kill innocent people either. We must research another way to find peace between us all.

[black-butler-meta]

Green Witch Arc: Sullivan vs. Ciel

I finished reading the Green Witch arc a few weeks ago, and my mind has been mulling over it ever since. I absolutely loved it, so many different things I want to talk about! Today, however, I will focus on only ONE thing, because, well, it's a big one and I write too much for my own good.

What is it, you may ask? Well, it is the dichotomy shown between Sullivan and Ciel when it comes to sex/sexuality. Sex stuff AGAIN? YES. Because this shit is everywhere, mixed in with all of the trauma this show has, and it's fascinating to stare at it under a microscope.

TW: discusses the sexuality/sexualization of minors, implied/brief references to Ciel's trauma, and Sebastian is an immoral bastard (but we love him).

How fascinating to have Sullivan, an 11-year old who is OBSESSED with the idea of sex, contrasted to Ciel, a 13-year old, who often turns a blind eye or straight up refuses to think about sex (that we explicitly know of, of course).

First, let’s look at Ciel. He is VERY resistant to sexual advances, comments, or themes in general. It doesn’t help that these advances/comments are often coming from adults (e.g., his clothing designer, that creepy sex-trafficking guy I can never remember his name…). But it’s there with Sullivan too, of course (understandably… anyone would be uncomfortable with how she treated him). He keeps a certain level of innocence about himself, which I see more as a trauma response rather than an actual lack of interest. It’s not that he likely doesn’t have thoughts about sexual things, but that the concept of sex at all is something that is deeply bound to what he went through, and so he avoids it like the plague. We all know that typically 13-year-olds are well into exploring their sexuality and attitudes/desires around sex. But Ciel doesn’t seem to have any interest at all.

On top of that, he is often treated less like an adolescent and more like a prepubescent child by others, including Sebastian (at least with the topic of sex). I don’t think Sebastian sees Ciel as an innocent child like the others; instead, I think he does this for two reasons. First, he ‘shelters’ Ciel to maintain his butler persona in the presence of others. He has to follow the cultural rules and expectations of the times, which includes protecting his master’s “innocence” (an innocence that Ciel was long ago robbed of). Second, he does it to rile him up, to strip Ciel of his “adult” persona that he wears around others and make him feel vulnerable in front of Sebastian. We all know that the two of them love taking jabs at each other and getting under each other’s skin, and this is no different. Sebastian didn’t point out the inappropriateness of Doll sleeping next to him out of concern/kindness of his master’s reputation. No one was there to see it or report on it. No, he did it because he knew it would irritate Ciel.

But, I digress. Point is that Ciel is particularly sheltered and infantilized both by himself and by those around him. Part of it is the trauma (aka Ciel’s age regression that I described in a separate post), and the other part of it is due to his cultural upbringing in Victorian era England, where morality and purity of the soul were big at the time.

By contrast, Sullivan is the total opposite. The parallels between them are very obvious - they both have male butlers as their primary servant/provider, they are (mostly) isolated amongst adults, and they’re close in age. In this sense, Sullivan acts and Ciel’s foil during this arc.

Sullivan is two years younger than Ciel, and yet she is far more comfortable with the ideas of sex and sexuality than he is. She’s very forward with what she wants, very direct, and has no hangups/issues around the topic. She’s also still very young and immature, evidenced by how she doesn’t understand the inappropriateness of her questions and comments, as well as her physically grabbing Ciel without his consent. It shows that while she’s comortable exploring her sexuality, she’s still obviously very young and immature.

Sullivan’s hyper-sexuality may seem odd/uncomfortable at first, especially for those of us from western cultures where media doesn’t portray the sexual side of pre-adolescent/pre-pubescent minors. But portraying the sexual/attraction side of minors (both as the subjects and objects of desire) has been present in anime for forever. Some examples that come to mind off the top of my head are Becky’s crush on Loid in Spy x Family; Young Yosano (age 11) from Bungo Stray Dogs being crushed on by the older soldiers in her platoon; and Reg and Riko from Made in Abyss. Sometimes these things are used for comedic effect, utilizing that discomfort to cause a laugh. But other times, it’s entirely serious/genuine (as a side note, Sullivan’s scenes do both.) But that doesn’t make it bad… instead, the sexual exploration of minors in fiction within anime is often portrayed as something natural. These aren’t instances of children being taken advantage of; in fact, they are often turned down either by characters or circumstance (e.g., spy x family), or they themselves shut down those who exhibit interest (e.g., bungo stray dogs), or the exchange/situation is with someone their own age (e.g., made in abyss).

And I think that’s a distinction I’ve noticed between Japanese and Western media. Minors, specifically pre-adolescents, are often portrayed as active explorers of attraction and sexuality. Which, when we really sit down and think about it, is entirely natural and a part of overall development. Sullivan being obsessed with sex at her age, while exaggerated for humorous effect, is typical. (As a side note, I chuckled at the fact that she got her information from romance books, because I have very clear memories of being 11 years old and sneakily reading the sex scenes from my mom’s harlequin romance books when she wasn’t home!). But, as I said above, while her curiosity and desire to experience this aspect of her body that is meant to bring pleasure is normal, her approach is very immature and inappropriate.

Which brings us to a very important point: While it is normal for minors to be curious and want to explore sex, the responsibility, in the end, falls on the adults (and older minors) to maintain healthy boundaries. Sullivan is allowed to have her curiosity, but she is regularly shot down by those around her, and her sexual advances are written off as a misunderstanding due to her lack of social and cultural exposure.

It’s also worth noting that I found Sebastian’s reaction to the whole thing very interesting AND very on-point for a demon. Sebastian is far less appalled by Sullivan’s advances as well as her overall curiosity. In fact, he finds the entire thing hilarious. There is even a point where he points out “Is Mr. Wolfram not a man?” I felt like this had a double meaning. The surface level is pointing out that Wolfram is a man, even though Sullivan says she’s never seen one before. But also implies that if she were so curious about men, then why not go to her butler who is one?

Sebastian is not bound by human rules of morality. He’s a demon and sees all humans as inferior. Food, insects… you get the idea. And as a demon, I don’t think he cares much about age/age differences, either. In fact, to be honest, I think all humans likely seem like infants to him because he’s immortal. He’s been around far longer than all of them. It’s the same way someone in their 40s will see someone in their 20s as young, or the way someone in their 80s may see someone in their 40s as young. Young, old… it’s all relative to oneself, and for Sebastian, he’s the oldest there is. What he does know is that humans are very sexually motivated (he uses this to his advantage, after all). It’s just a part of their nature. He doesn’t care that the sexuality is coming from an 11 year old versus a 25 year old. To him, the solution is simple: if you want it, take it. If Sullivan wants to experience sex, then she should reach out to Mr. Wolfram because he is a man. There’s nothing sinister about, nothing predatory… it’s just the logical solution that Sebastian came to due to not being restricted by human thinking. As long as both parties are consenting, what does it matter?

Which why it is so perfect that it’s Sullivan who shuts him down. But not because Wolfram is an adult and she’s a child, but because she doesn’t think of him “that way.” She sees him as a guard dog. He’s a loyal servant, there to protect her, and in that way, is more of a parental figure to her than a romantic one (as it should be). It’s not that she can’t be attracted to an adult; she’s obviously attracted to Sebastian. Which, once again, is normal. I distinctly recall having crushes on adults as a preteen. And let’s be honest, EVERYONE crushes on Sebastian, he’s literally sex on legs.

But what’s so great about this exchange is that Sullivan, while still being a child, is given agency as a character within the story. It’s not that she can’t, but it’s that she doesn’t want to. And that, in itself, is powerful. While she may be young and immature, just starting out her sexual journey, she gets to decide what she does/doesn’t want to do with her body, who she does/doesn’t want to share it with. And she’s able to make that choice within a safe space because those around her, who are older than her, maintain that very important boundary of appropriate/inappropriate behavior, not letting her cross that threshold that can lead to a potentially damaging outcome (mentally, physically, emotionally).

We often try to maintain a strict dichotomy between “child” (no sexual agency) and “adult” (full sexual agency). However, that’s not how it works in the real world, is it? We have that transitory period of adolescence, and we can’t prevent the sexual curiosity of minors from happening. We may create this dichotomy as a way to protect children from ill-intentioned adults, but at the same time, doing so strips children of their own autonomy and ability to learn about themselves - what they like, what they don’t like, what feels safe and what doesn’t. A child without agency is a child without control, and in that sense, is at greater risk for harm when they do eventually cross that legal threshold from minor to adult.

Additionally, this binary viewpoint either promotes, or is in response to, the fear that if a child is allowed to be their own subject of sexual desire, then it will open up the allowance of them becoming the object of someone else’s sexual desire, which can increase the risk for harm. In a way, this almost puts the blame on the child, rather than the adults, as being the one responsible for maintaining healthy boundaries. It’s the same tune of “women shouldn’t dress provocatively because it might entice men to assault them.” Let us not put the blame on the victims, shall we? Allow and acknowledge the natural sexual development of children and adolescents; provide a safe space for them to be curious, to ask questions, to get things wrong. It is OUR responsibility as adults to honor and protect their space and teach them boundaries for safety.

Oops, I got sidetracked…

To tie this back to Ciel, in this sense, he’s still very much stuck in that dichotomy of “child” (no agency) and “adult” (full agency). He’s forced to occupy both spaces due to his culture and his circumstances. In that sense, he’s grappling for control within himself, his past, and the world that he is both physically bound by and yet emotionally separate from. It demonstrates how he’s still shackled by his past and by his need for revenge, and ties into his voluntary age regression that he still relies on in response to his trauma. And if Ciel has any hope of ever truly healing beyond it, then him coming to terms with his own sexuality and desires will likely have to be a part of that.

I have much more to say regarding Ciel’s sexuality within the story overall, Sebastian’s role in it, as well as how that relates to us as the viewers…. but that’s a post for another time. This post is already long enough. 💀

ANYWAAAYYYY, Green Witch Arc. Loved it, it was fantastic, so much going on in it, can't wait to see it all animated eventually! I have more ramblings to write for it, so hopefully I can get those jotted down soon!

[wildpeachfarm]

This whole topic makes me think about how CCs communicate to each other, even outside of dteam. At least with the twitch crowd.

My theory is that people that come into this thinking there's a pre-established script on how a cc should be, and that everyone else already knows it? Coupled with how most of these newer CCs are in their teens, they would be self-conscious about not standing out "the wrong way", so they just act how they think they should act. Which makes them see any form of communication as confrontation or a attack, as it makes them feel like "well, it's either IM doing something wrong or YOUR doing something wrong if we have to talk about it."

They forget or never thought about that being a CCs is no different than being any other job or community, and forget to just be a human and communicate?

Not going to lie, that's how a LOT of people communicate especially on the internet. There is this unspoken assumption amongst people that everyone needs to act the same way and speak the same way, and that any diversion from that is "wrong" or "weird" because it either requires more communication, more boundary establishing, or more curation of your own personal experiences online (and people don't want to do that work). When in the real world, these are very simple things you encounter and are not a big deal at all.

Unfortunately, it is typically a lot of teen-age people who are like this because they haven't had the life experience that teaches you to "respect that everyone does not and will not want to act the same as you and you need to respect that, communicate, and move on healthily because that's part of being a functioning human in society". So unfortunately we do tend to find young adult and teenage CCs in this crowd too.

Which is why I always appreciate mature communication over senseless demands to act a certain way because that's just...not how the world works lmao- and I wish younger CCs didn't feel so much pressure to follow a certain type of "behavior" that is demanded of people that really have far less communication skills and maturity than they think.

Dteam are such a wonderfully unique case of boys who were raised basically on the internet and yet STILL have super healthy ways of communicating and expressing their thoughts and I think all these other CCs should take the hint and start working on their own flaws in behavior and communication because there is already a very jarring difference between how dteam handle sensitive situations vs how everyone else does.

[somethingclevermahogony]

For the Q&A tag, I've always been intriqued by Narul (giant man). A few questions about him.

1. infodump as much as you want about what being a demigod/spiritblood means, and how he views it.

2. How did he meet Ninma

And 3. How is he as a father? Is he responsible? Protective? Stern? Etc.

Thanks for the ask!

1. Infodump as much as you want about what being a demigod/spiritblood means, and how he views it.

Oof, if I really went all out infodumping I could be here writing this for hours, so I'm going to keep things simple.

The term spiritblood is technically more accurate because, unlike with the demigods in say Greek mythology, spiritbloods are not the children of a mortal and a deity, but rather of a mortal and a particularly powerful spirit. Narul is a bit of a special case as his mother was spiritblooded, that is to say, while she herself was not a spiritblood, her grandmother was. This means that Narul is technically more magical than a normal spirit blood.

So what does being a spiritblood entail? There is much variation between spiritbloods often depending on the kind of spirit from which they descend among other factors. However there are several traits that are shared amongst all spiritbloods.

1) All spiritbloods are inhumanly large, not only in terms of height but also in terms of bulk and proportion. A spiritblood does not merely look like a tall human. Their magical nature allows them to reach sizes and weights that would otherwise kill a normal human. The shortest living spiritblood in the age of Narul is Mikrab at just under 8ft tall. Narul is the tallest at 9ft.

2) As previously mentioned, spiritbloods do not have normal human proportions. The War Queen Batricca for example, was famed for her unusually long arms. Narul is not only tall but massive, naturally bulky, he is so large that he struggles to fit in most small buildings. To the average person Narul looks somewhat monstrous, thus why he is called "Giant".

3) All spiritbloods are blessed with supernatural strength and durability. The first king of Kishetal, the spiritblood Tamel, was known as the Wallbreaker for his sheer and terrifying strength. It is impossible for a human to match the physical strength of a spiritblood. A single spiritblood in ancient times, was said to be capable of sieging a city, thus why so many cities in Narul's time still have such massive fortifications.

4) Spiritbloods have incredibly dense bones and thick skin, comparable to well treated leather armor. This affords spiritbloods a great deal of protection against a variety of threats and makes them even more difficult opponents in battle. The only materials which do not struggle to cut through their thick hides are volcanic glass and the magical metal called Arkodian Bronze.

5) All spiritbloods are capable of seeing and communicating with spirits, something that for normal humans, typically only sages can do. However spiritbloods as a rule, are incapable of using magic.

6) Spiritbloods are incredibly resistant both to toxins and to magical mutation. For this reason Narul can eat poisonous or magical plants without feeling any effects in quantities that would otherwise kill dozens of normal people. The downside of this is that while toxins do not work on Narul, neither do most medicines. Most spiritbloods have an incredibly difficult time getting drunk, Narul for example must drink the equivalent of several gallons of wine just to feel tipsy. This has led to a myth, popularized by those with poor knowledge of spiritbloods, that spiritbloods tend to be drunkards.

7) Spiritbloods are functionally immortal. This is to say that unless felled by a physical injury, a spiritblood will not die, at least not from the deterioration that comes from age. Theoretically a spiritblood could live indefinitely if they avoided conflict. However while the body may not age after a certain point, the mind does. As a spiritblood ages their mental facilities will begin to wane, they will forget their past self and will begin to suffer cognitive decline. It is not unusual for spiritbloods to seek death when this begins to occur, for fear of forgetting everything. The oldest living spiritblood is Mikrab who at almost 2000 years old has suffered considerable declines in his memory and mental capabilities, thus earning him the moniker "Mikrab the Mad".

So there's that, but what does Narul think about being a spiritblood? Long story short he hates it. Before he knew that he was a spiritblood he was taught that he was a forestfolk, a magical mutation, and was as a result intrinsically dangerous to others, a rabid dog ready to turn. Finding out that his childhood was a lie did little to comfort him as it did nothing to calm his anxieties around accidentally hurting someone due to his strength and size. Further the idea of living for centuries and slowly forgetting about the people that he cares about, terrifies him. Narul is not a power hungry or violent person and as such takes little enjoyment from his supernatural abilities. The only thing he really appreciates is being able to see spirits.

2. How did he meet Ninma

Narul was brought to the Palace of Labisa as a child and served there as a slave to King Hutbari (the same person that lied to Narul about his true nature and instilled all of the self-loathing and fear in him).

Hutbari had many children, the youngest of which was Ninma. Narul would have seen her around the Palace grounds, avoiding her tutors, climbing walls, chasing lizards, and otherwise being a menace. Narul was in the palace the day that she was born. However despite living together for the first 5 years of Ninma's life the two never talked until after the coup. Ninma wasn't even aware of the fact that Narul could talk until after they had both left Labisa.

And 3. How is he as a father? Is he responsible? Protective? Stern? Etc.

Narul is a kind and responsible father. He makes sure that she is well fed and cared for, he plays games with her, he listens to the stories that she makes. He tries his best to understand her concerns and interests (As he is an illiterate giant and she a former noble child, they have quite different perceptions of the world). If they were in the real world Narul would be at every one of Ninma's sport's games, theater productions, dad and daughter dances, girl scout meetings, and just about anything else.

He is however very protective of Ninma. He sees her as fragile (as everyone is compared to him) and as such fears her getting hurt, or worse losing her. This unfortunately clashes at times with Ninma's own adventurous personality and may lead to tension between the two of them. Narul tries to be stern at times, but isn't all that good at it, if only because Ninma knows that Narul is a giant softy.

Along with his fear of her getting hurt whether by him or by something else, Narul lives in constant fear of Ninma's growing up, he fears losing her to old age or something else. He fears that one day after centuries have passed that he might forget her.

Taglist:

@illarian-rambling, @mk-writes-stuff, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @willtheweaver, @patternwelded-quill

@elsie-writes, @elizaellwrites, @the-ellia-west, @the-octic-scribe, @the-golden-comet

@finickyfelix, @theprissythumbelina, @autism-purgatory, @diabolical-blue , @tildeathiwillwrite

@katenewmanwrites, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @paeliae-occasionally, @melpomene-grey

@drchenquill, @marlowethelibrarian, @phoenixradiant, @pluttskutt

@dyrewrites, @unrepentantcheeseaddict, @roach-pizza, @rivenantiqnerd

@flaneurarbiter, @dezerex, @axl-ul, @surroundedbypearls

@treesandwords

[tigirl-and-co]

Space Monkeys

Hey everybody, here's a rough draft of the first chapter of Space Monkeys, what will (hopefully!) be a sci-fi novel featuring Saiyans, from Dragon Ball!

Even if you aren't familiar with Dragon Ball, I urge you to check it out, especially if you have an interest in sci-fi! I've put more effort into this bit of writing than I have anything in years, so while it's still a bit rough I am very proud of it! Please give it a chance, it's a labour of love.

Those of you familiar with the sci-fi novels of yesteryear should feel right at home, and I'm hoping those that aren't may find themselves interested!

~~~

Space Monkeys, Ch. 1

"You humans are up to something."

Witloof pushed his own head into the collection of human ones, and it wasn't hard for him either with his comparative strength. The small gaggle who were gathered around a computer screen hushed into a nervous silence- not the fear of being hurt, as they all knew what repercussions the Empire Regulatory Committee would enact under such a circumstance- but rather the schoolchild silence of an unwelcomed outsider sticking his nose where it didn't belong and not heeding the rebuffment.

The Saiyan made eye contact with the human he assumed was the leader of this troupe. "You humans are up to something," Witloof reiterated, "And I want in."

After many fewer moments of pondering than should typically be utilized when determining trustworthiness, the human Derebak grinned conspiratorially. "Good. We can use a strongman."

It is well-known throughout the universe that if you want to come home with an interesting story, you find a group of humans. Well known only to spacefaring humans, however, is that if you want to get up to any real sort of trouble, you'd best find a Saiyan and earn his respect. Dependable as anything once they like you, but therein lies the issue.

When the two empires met on the edge of space, there was a near-immediate understanding that they were like each other. This was unfortunate, considering just how much humans like to squabble amongst themselves. The superior Saiyan strength very nearly had to test itself against humanity's advanced tactics and brains, but eventually the issues were sorted out and the two fell into an uneasy peace, as far as the heads of each civilization was concerned.

For anybody who spent any time at all on a station where the two species collided, they understood the peace wasn't uneasy in the slightest.

Sure, for Saiyan tastes humans were a bit yappy, and they were all soft in the face and in the heart. And humans thought the Saiyan appearance and temperament a bit beastly, sticking closer to the apes from which he had sprung up than man did. But really, it usually took very little time for them to look past this and start swapping stories of home over drinks paid for by whoever lost that day's bet.

And so while Derebak didn't know Witloof from Adam, it knew he was sincere. Saiyans made for awful liars and for great troublemakers. Both species hated being yanked around by the chain, and Derebak was confident that if it could rope Witloof in on smaller stuff, he'd follow this thing all the way to the top.

And taking care of an earnest idiot is merely human nature, not that a human would ever let a Saiyan cotton on to that fact.

Derebak 'Rabies' Johnson, not-quite-rogue astrogator of the tourist jump-ship Tyger, Tyger, stuck out a hand. "Call me Rabies, all the people I like do."

It looked the musclehead up and down, but there's not much to be gleaned from a Saiyan at first glance. They're a longer-lived race, averaging about 150 earth-years and don't age like humans besides. And as for uniform, there's certain standards, but each piece of armor seemed unique. You couldn't even tell the tourists apart from the warriors by anything except their stance and their tails, as finding a Saiyan in anything but armor was about as likely as finding a shaved grizzly out in the woods and made them about as uncomfortable.

A fanged mouth and solid grip returned the gestures. "Good to know you, Rabies." He snorted, hoping the name was indicative of things to come. He could tell by the human's uniform he was outranked, but he had heard human society was a bit less stringent with formalities than home was, so he made the conscious choice not to bow or salute. Witloof was hoping to enter this troupe as a member, not a tagalong. "I'm Witloof, stationed here 'just in case.' Exactly what threats to the Vegetan Autocracy are expected from a tourist station on the human side of the boundary, I don't know."

One of the other humans spoke up, a blonde man who could easily have been the face of a boyband if his voice didn't bring to mind rusty nails in a blender. "Maybe you're here to save us against some awful threat like a meteor or invading monster, earning our government's trust and establishing yourselves as a race of altruists!" He guffawed, "A real protection racket!"

Witloof wasn't sure he understood the joke, but all the humans burst out laughing at that, and he decided not to take offense.

"Cuss," Rabies managed to squawk out between breaths, "you gotta warn a freak before you go and say something like that! You're gonna kill us!" It managed to hold its breath long enough to calm down before turning back to Witloof with tears still in its eyes. "That's Jack, although he's got a few less pleasant nicknames too. Don't pay him any mind, that's just how he is. He's an engineer here on the E.S.S. Poetry, and you know how engineers are."

It wiped its face a bit. "Right now we're just looking at the supply chain for this place, but come meet me in my quarters at, say, nine o'clock station time. I eat a late dinner but I aughtta be finished by then. I'll tell you a bit about what, as you put it, we're up to."

Derebak reached into a pocket and pulled out a small pad of paper and pen, writing down its bunk's location. Crew area, of course. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard to find, Witloof still had a bit of trouble with the way humans organized big spaces and the crew area was doubtless less well-marked than the area meant for the easily-lost masses.

Witloof took the paper and tucked it into the breast of his armor. "You can count on me," he acknowledged. He tried to study the computer screen, but this sort of stuff was never his expertise and it was in a language he barely knew, to boot. He was mid-class, sure, but his parents were low-class so the traditional Saiyan warrior was really all that was open to him.

As the humans yammered on quietly about resources, Witloof took the time to observe them. Saiyans usually came with one hair colour, one eye colour, and a very small range of skin tones. Halfbreeds weren't all that rare in the lower classes, so it wasn't like he'd never seen a blonde or a redhead before, but moving through groups of humans he was always astonished by their differences.

And their physiques! He had heard that back in ancient history, humans had been a hunter race. But he doubted it. How could any species so soft in the body bring down prey? Humans didn't eat nearly as much as Saiyans did, but surely they had to eat something, and, in his opinion, there was no way they could kill enough to fill their bellies with such meagre strength.

Although, as the small group disbanded to go about their tasks for the day, Witloof had to wonder if it had something to do with their reputation for trouble and penchant for surviving it. Was it possible to turn that into a hunting strategy? Did ancient humans cause so much chaos that the beasts around them simply died of it, leaving the humans unharmed?

He was a bit torn- on one hand he wasn't paid to ask big questions. On the other hand, he had already decided to join them- he'd even given his word and partaken of the human hand shake gesture. To his understanding from the cultural training, such an act was not only a statement of friendliness and companionship, it was also how they sealed unbreakable deals.

Maybe they already considered him part of their troupe? Humans formed close bonds incredibly easily, that much he was certain of. He had heard stories of them bonding to things that weren't even alive, but he wasn't sure how that would even work.

As Witloof wandered off to Poetry's dining strip, he started thinking about just who or what he was entrusting his strength to. He hoped Rabies was a good leader.

Well, at least humans knew how to make good food. That counted for something in his books.

[unnursvanablog]

A Virtuous Business / kdrama review

This is a mostly spoiler free review of the kdrama A Virtuous Business.

A Virtuous Business truly feels like an underrated gem amongst all the k-dramas that have come out this year, but it was never really on my radar until I stumbled upon it on Netflix once it started airing, but I was truly enthralled by every single episode and had a great time from start to finish. And it's always wonderful when stories manage to surprise you like that.

There was something just so effortless and charming about the setting and the main characters, but they all seemed to be those moms who would usually never get to be in the lead role in most other stories, but here they got the spotlight. This variety of women who live in this small community inside this small town where nothing really happens. Until it does.

It is wonderful to see how they gradually started to bond and form friendships through their unusual business and the circumstances they face because of it, but also gain a certain sexual liberation and ways to show and express their desires, even if society does not want to admit that women over a certain age can have any sorts of desires.

But it was that aspect of the story that made many kdrama viewers did not notice this drama or pay much attention to it. It's not a romcom, it doesn't have the typical romance or characters, and it certainly did not feature a young heartthrob in the lead role. And the kdrama space, just like our society tends to put men at the center and their roles in the lives of women which is often why romance is such a focal point in our lives. We are all meant to be in love (with men).

There was plenty of fun to be had since the humor was good and with a heartwarming little romance as a side story which fitted a story such as this But the true love story here is the love between these women and how they grow with each other, and the drama seemed to understand that.

One thing this drama did very well was to show how the image and sense of self of these women within the society was often tied to their husbands and children. The men around them shaped their lives and the narrative that not only the story told, but also the people around them did, through the gossip that spread and how the actions of those men sometimes had greater consequences on the woman, which was something that most of them did not think or care about. So many things became a burden for the woman. And she is admired or pitied because of their behavior. Or their lack of a man, even.

The drama may have shied away a bit or hesitate to go all the way with the sex toy storyline, but it does fit the time and the characters who are the main protagonists of the story. And while the business around sexy lingerie and sex toys certainly liberated them to a certain extent, they were still allowed to be a little prudish despite being allowed to express their desires. But the real liberation within the story was their friendship. Because without it, they were quite isolated.

The romance or love within the story was, again, the love between these women and themselves, even though that story also brought out some rekindled emotions and the fun little flings and flirting. All of them got a man in their lives, for better or for worse, in the end. Because no woman in society is complete without a man. And I felt like the drama understood how that is how society sees the purpose of women. The main romance was very slow, which suited the story very well and never took too much time away from the main plot.

My biggest fail mark within the story is the investigation and the lost child-cold case that was a side story there dragged on a bit and sometimes I felt like that part of the story was hardly more than an excuse to give the main male character (and the only man there who was decent) more to do and fill in some dead time. It all came together in the end, which I was sure it would, and it was done in a kind of predictable way, and I'm still not sure if it added anything to the story or if the drama wouldn't have worked perfectly without it, and yet it felt very heartfelt.

Overall, it was a fun, lighthearted and easy watch where the hours flew by and the screenwriters did a good job of cramming all the character development and the slow-burning romance and wonderful friendship and everything else you could want from a drama like this in 12 episodes – but I will continue to insist that it's a little too short for a traditional kdrama storyline and the pacing they're used to having. But neither the character development nor the plot seemed too rushed here and the focus to tell a very funny and heartfelt little story about small town women, their quirky neighbors that make up their community and friendship never truly wavered.

[paper--moons]

Gosh, age regression amongst pro heroes being an open secret in the industry is SUCH an intriguing concepts. Could you do a hc list with baby Hawks? Perhaps he wants a cg but doesn’t know who to ask. The cg can be your pick!

Ah, I'm glad you think this is an interesting concept, dear anon! It just makes the most sense to me that it would be common enough in their line of work that it is an open secret, given that age regression is a coping mechanism and pros tend to have a lot of stress and trauma from the job that doesn't get addressed.

So for this set with Hawks I went ahead and leaned into some of the ideas I have about why that is and how I think the Hero Commission meddles in the lives of heroes even when it comes to something more private and personal like regression. This post also quickly became referred to as "Japan's Next Top Caregiver" in my notes—a sort of Goldilocks situation in which Keigo tries to figure out which cg is just right for him! Which is also why the "winner" may seem a bit unexpected to some people at first, but it is important to keep in mind what the characters' relationships are to one another in-universe and not conflate any personal feelings about the characters and their actions with that. As always however, each character that plays a major role in the post is tagged for (so make sure you are cultivating your own experience, folks!).

Having said that, this one was a lot of fun to write! There were a lot of moving pieces I had going on, and lots of things that I wanted to stuff in while I had the opportunity so hopefully it still reads okay. Typically requests are sent in with a specific cg in mind too, so this one presented an unique opportunity to toy with the idea that maybe the regressor isn't sure yet about who they want as their main cg, or hasn't clicked with the right cg quite yet! We don't always have to be so certain about everything going into a situation, and oftentimes it does take time to figure stuff out through experience and that's only natural. I also think this shows growth and exploration for both sides of the coin as well when both regressor and cg have to work together in order to see if they fit together—relationships of any nature require effort, after all! It's rare that things are perfect right away, and I have always found things that aren't necessarily "perfect" far more compelling and rewarding. And I would say that is the energy I wanted to bring to this one.

Anyhow, the post itself can be read over here. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for sending in your request. 🌙

[sunsetshifting]

hii! how are u?

so i have a few questions <3

1. I wanna script me and the people in my dr don’t age at all at a certain year but i feel like i have to get specific and explain why it works that way. Do you have any advice / recommendations?

2. Is it true that all the realities are completely separate from one another and none of them are an “original” reality? Because I’d really like for it to be that way since i see it as really cool + comforting :D

3. If i script something like “__ is the exact same in my dr as it is in my cr” would it work? or would it be basing my dr off of my cr rn?

4. do i have to specify anything? like the details of the world and all that

have a great day!! i hope this isn’t too much to answer, i find comfort in your responses and your account in general <3

I'm doing really good!! Thanks for asking^^ :3c

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have, but I'll be chucking 3/4 of them under the cut, just to make it easier to scroll through for people trying to scroll my blog^^

You actually don't have to be specific about why this is, but if you want to, I have a few ideas! First idea is, of course, just scripting that people don't visibly/physically age after a certain point, or if they do, it's delayed by quite a bit (this pairs nicely with scripting extended lifespans^ which is something I do semi-often.) You could also script that visible age is tied to specific milestones (like how it works in Undertale, wherein monsters don't age past a certain point/die unless they have children.) Again, though, you don't actually have to specify why or how people don't age, as it would already be considered totally normal/understandable if you simply scripted in that that was how things already worked. An example of this in action would be similar to how some people script that periods don't exist. Nobody within the DR wonders where they are, or why they don't happen! It's simply the norm.~ .

"Is it true that all the realities are completely separate from one another and none of them are an “original” reality?"

. 2. From my view, yes! All realities, no matter how overlapping or similar, are all disconnected from one another in the sense that there is no 'original' reality amongst them. This isn't to say, however, that you or I are completely detached from these realities. Far from it! Whilst the realities are disconnected from one another, they still occupy the same space as one another. We are just as close to our DRs as we are to our OR/CR.

This one is a little trickier to give an example for, as the concept can be hard to wrap one's head around at first glance. The way a lot of people choose to view DRs is that they are physically or mentally distant from themselves, as if there is some quantifiable distance preventing them from being in direct contact with their DR. This, however, is not the case! Your consciousness is constantly overlapping with other versions of your consciousness across DRs (hence why some people even end up shifting accidentally), so much so that during a shifting attempt, you are typically only seconds away from shifting completely. Often, however, people are held back by their limiting beliefs, or their fears (not to say you can't shift with these, you absolutely can, it's just harder.)

All that to say that yes, all realities are separate, but not all realities are distant from one another.^^

.

"If i script something like “__ is the exact same in my dr as it is in my cr” would it work? or would it be basing my dr off of my cr rn?"

.

3. Yes, scripting like that will work! :) Scripting is not as all-or-nothing as some people might worry that it is. You can totally just take what you like, and leave what you don't!^^

An example is smth I actually scripted today! I scripted that I maintain my distinctive birthmark (on my ankle, looks pretty neat!) across all my DRs/DR selves. I could have a completely different appearance, with a DR utterly unconnected to my OR, but I can still maintain one or two (or however many I wanted, tbh) aspects from my OR/CR!

.

"do i have to specify anything? like the details of the world and all that"

.

4. You can be as vague or as specific as you'd like with your script! Your subconscious will pretty much always fill in the gaps, as it already knows perfectly well where you're intending to go. Even so, if you're worried, you can just script like "everything is like it is in X media" or "everything is how I envision it." Of course, things are liable to be a bit more unexpected/prone to surprising you the more vague you are, but most often not in any major ways.

An example being if you were to script a Stardew Valley DR, and you weren't super specific beyond being in Pelican Town. In all likelihood, everything will still be laid out the same, with the same people, and the same sort of atmosphere. It's not as if you'll accidentally shift to a version where everyone is evil, or where the environment would be hostile.

If there are specific things you'd like to add on, though, that aren't typically part of canon/the reality's normal rules, I do recommend scripting those specifically, just as a precaution! (Example, scripting in a yearly dance at UA or RAD.)

.

You have a great day, too! <33 It was really fun answering all these questions! It really makes me happy that people can take comfort in my account and the answers I try to provide <3 /gen

If you need clarification on anything, don't hesitate to send in a follow-up ask, okay? I'm happy to help in any way that I can!

<3 Happy Shifting! <3

[skylarkalchemist]

I have lupus.

I literally can't eat some days bc of nausea, vomiting, GI upset, and chronic oral ulcers that make my mouth hurt so bad that anything that goes in burns and stings, the pain is such a strong deterrent that I cannot force myself to eat or drink at times.

Any semblance of inflammatory response in any of my organs, joints, or muscles is felt deeply and harshly.

Sometimes my joints feel like I've been shot with an arrow to them, out of the blue. If I'm driving, I have to choose whether I am going to suffer through the pain and bullishly fight the pain until it stops and risk it getting worse or I'm going pull my car over until the pain passes/becomes just bearable enough that it is theoretically safe for me to continue on my drive.

I have to weigh whether I can go in to work some days bc I work in a field where the lives of people's beloved pets are in my hands, and if I cannot focus on monitoring anesthesia bc my pain levels are too high or bc my brain fog is too strong, I risk killing a patient. I also have to weigh whether I can handle doing things with people outside of work, or do things with friends. Sometimes, I don't get a choice in the matter- regardless of my pain levels, exhaustion, illness, I have to be present at certain events that come up, no matter how much i know it will hurt in the moment, and how much it will make my life worse after the fact, and how much I would rather take a rain check than do that to myself, because some people and things are just that important to me.

I have to weigh whether to complete my upper level coursework after work at the risk of fatigue or get much needed sleep and not complete my coursework as I work to get into vet school before I turn 30.

I was recently diagnosed with osteoarthritis in parts of my throacic spine, at age 27, because of the constant onslaught of immune-mediated inflammatory response on my spine thanks to my chronic illness, and am currently being looked into as a possible elusive female gout patient as well, amongst several other concurrent diagnoses I'm being looked at for (with a ridiculously expensive blood test that costs 2k that I had to be poked 18 times over 3 different days within a 10 day period to collect blood for, by the way, because my autoimmune issues cause such extremely low blood pressure and my veins are small, fragile, and roll a ton, to the point the only way to get blood from me is by ultrasonography-guided pokes with butterfly needles in sizes so small that they are typically reserved for NICU patients, by nurses that are typically staffing the NICU).

I have to get bloodwork pretty regularly and have to monitor everything I eat, and especially how much alcohol I put in my body, because if I don't, I risk developing lupus nephritis, aka severe kidney disease with a pretty significant possibility for my kidneys to go into full-on failure.

And I have to deal with constant concurrent mental illness that is exacerbated anytime my physical illness flares up, that makes me feel like I want to die because of the mix of physical pain, exhaustion, and utter frustration at my complete inability to do anything about it except feel overwhelmed, however the logical side of my brain tries to reassure me that I have no control over it and therefore just need to ride it out. Because sometimes, just riding it out is too much to stand, because you just wish you had more control over your health and wellbeing than you actually do.

I have it better than many, yes. But that does not mean I do not have immense struggles that I sometimes need to vent about.

abled people really act like if your illness or disability isn’t terminal then you’re not allowed to complain about it or grieve the life you thought you’d have and it’s so fucked up

[crimsonqueenmagnus]

The Magholt Estate

Lord Alghast Magholt made his way through the streets of the capitol city of Ataraxia, Phyrron with all the haste his body could muster. He hated getting home late since it meant he had less time with his daughter. She had already been practically raised by nannies as it were since her mother had died. She was twelve and as she had gotten older, Alghast was feeling the rift between them widen ever further.

Upon his arrival the house sat darkly amongst the other noble homes, a stark contrast to their glow. This wasn't abnormal at this hour, typically the nanny would have gone to bed by now along with his daughter. He fumbled with his keys for a moment and then unlocked the door. He didn't have live-in servants outside of the nanny. The truth of the matter was that none of the lords of Ataraxia did. Although they did enjoy some finer things, Ataraxia was still an outer planet that had to fend for itself and that meant a certain lack of luxury that many other nobles enjoyed.

Alghast stepped through the door, slapping his hand a bit haphazardly at the wall before it found the switch to get the lights on. He heard the gasp of a young woman in response.

"Ixora?" He asked for his daughter, heading towards the noise, "Honey, did I scare you?" He mumbled in a tired voice. He paused just before the drawing room door to hear quiet sobbing.

"Ixora!" His voice wavered as he yanked the door open with fear in his eyes. Before him was his young daughter, kneeling before her caretaker who was laying on the floor motionless. Her brown hair cascaded over her shoulders which shook from her sobs. She gasped as she looked up at Alghast and pushed herself backwards.

"Don't come closer!" Her voice cracked as she screamed, begging him and holding her hands out as she shrunk from him in fear.

"Ixie... what... what happened?" he asked nervously, trying to step closer.

"I said don't!" She insisted with a wail. An invisible force pushed back on Lord Alghast, shoving him from the room and back against the hallway wall with a thud.

Ixora hugged her knees, and continued to quietly sob, "I... I killed her... I don't know what's happening! I... was upset about something and... and her eyes started bleeding! Then she fell over... gone!" The young girl whimpered

Lord Alghast froze, blinking in surprise. She may not have known what was happening, but it seemed familiar to him. Ixora was not the first of the Magholts to display such powers. His own brother had... and then to keep the family's prestige, his father took him away one day to never be seen again. Alghast always knew what had happened but did not say much about it. What could a child do anyways? They had been about Ixora's age at the time, after all.

"Ixie..." He said with a heavy sigh, "I'm so sorry..."

"Is this going to keep happening?"

"No... no of course not, baby. Just... sit tight. I'll get you help." He promised before turning around and heading before the door. He had to go get help... even if it was from that witch or one of her marines but leaving his daughter in such a volatile state... how could he? What if she lost control in a much worse way? What if she harmed herself?

As he weighed his options, there was a knock at his door.

"What the blazes? Someone showing up at this hour? At a time like this..." His usual grumpy demeanor shifted when he realized that maybe whomever was at the door could get help.

He jerked open the door frantically and eventually looked upwards. It seemed the Primarch herself had shown. Although he never hid his disdain for the women, at this moment, she felt like a blessing. His shoulders sagged before he quietly addressed her, "Ma'am..."

The sorceress shrunk down to better accommodate the space of the home, patting Alghast's shoulder. "I sensed some psychic distress in this home... may I come in?" She asked delicately.

[crushsung]

#CRUSHSUNG: ind. original character roleplay blog. written by dillon; twenty-five, they/them, lesbian. triggering themes will be present. mutuals only, minors do not interact.

a study in: fallen angels, gifted child burnout, alter egos, the obsessed artist, desire to be great or nothing, self-destruction, self-mythologizing, reinvention, reclaiming your own narrative.

LINKS: verses. headcanons. playlist. pinterest. interest tracker. OTHER BLOG(S): praybird. nepoboyfriend. visceraldose.

RULES:

triggering content will be present, including but not limited to themes involving past emotional abuse/domestic violence, child neglect/exploitation, implied grooming, and substance use. none of these subjects will be written in graphic detail, but are prevalent in alice's story. i will tag whatever i can, but please use your own discretion if you decide to follow.

i do not have a ton of triggers myself, but i do ask that others please tag images of snails, slugs, and any content involving self harm.

i'm open to writing n.sfw content if we have (heavily) plotted and know each other fairly well, but i'd prefer to keep anything of an explicit nature on disc.ord. sexual content may be implied here and there, but won't be written graphically here.

iconless, mostly. sometimes not. not particular focused on visual aesthetic at the moment; i keep formatting fairly simple, but feel free to do whatever works best for you.

a little bit about me: hi, i'm dillon. aspiring screenwriter, gothic horror enthusiast, would-be hamlet impersonator, best friend of snoopy, and many other things. i've been working on a tv script featuring alice and several other characters for some time now. i have insomnia so i'm often here at odd hours. mutuals are always welcome to bother me, either here or on disc.ord (available on request!)

TEMPORARY BIO:

name. alice hélène brennan. nicknames/alias. known professionally as liddell. allie/ally or liss to select friends and partners. lissy to her mother. gender. cis woman. pronouns. she/her. birthday. august 30. age. verse dependent, 24+ in main. sexuality. bisexual, closeted. a lot of speculation and debate about this amongst the fans and media, many claim that she's dropped 'hints' in her work, but she's never confirmed or denied anything. parents. celine bouchard and owen brennan. siblings. leo brennan and nolan brennan. current location. manhattan, new york.  birthplace. vancouver, british columbia. spoken languages. english (fluent), french (fluent). education. high school graduate. homeschooled from 9th to 12th grade. occupation. former musician. current poet/novelist. later film composer. faceclaim. daisy edgar-jones (main), stacy martin (alt), mackenzie davis (older) voiceclaim. riley keough. eye colour. brown. hair colour. brown. body type. slim build. height. 5'6" scent. bergamot, jasmine, honey, sea breeze, sandalwood. typically wears aegea blossom eau de parfum by aerin. tattoos/piecings. see board. personality. abrasive, distant, passionate, protective, stoic, thoughtful.

everybody knows you. nobody knows you. you don't let them.

they know versions of you - some that you allow, some that they crafted on their own. the child prodigy. a household name before you were in high school. something special, at least for awhile. before things got twisted, before you lost control of the narrative. you didn't really want any of that to begin with, but they insisted. mom and dad. crafty social climbers.

mom and dad. they might be the two people who know you the least. they never really wanted you to begin with, but you were useful. a means to an end. they split up eventually, because of course, nothing like that ever lasts. you often wonder if they ever loved each other. you know for certain that they didn't love you.

dad's got a new family now. you don't talk to them, or him. mom still calls, sometimes she visits. you always feel so guilty whenever she's around.

you don't make music anymore, but your name is still in the headlines. most of it's about your personal life. they always loved that stuff. your first kiss was documented - remember that? it made you feel sick after, how a private moment was taken and made public for everyone to see. you've never had a relationship that wasn't on display.

maybe that's why it didn't work with adam. it never felt like he was just yours or that you were just his. he loved you, or at least you think he did. but you didn't really know how to love him back. you let him go, even though it hurt. because you're a heartbreaker, or so they say.

or maybe it's that you're too damaged to be known. roy did a number on you. you still think about him sometimes, even though it's been years. you see his face everywhere. they play his songs in grocery stores. the worst part of all this, despite all he put you through, is that he might very well be the person who knew you the best. it was four years, after all. (it was longer than four years, but you aren't supposed to say that.) roy said a lot of things that weren't true about you, but some of them were. you were cruel, callous. he made you that way. you don't know how to unmake yourself.

SUMMARY:

alice - better known by her stage name 'liddell' - is a recognizable figure. famous since she was 13, once hailed as a child prodigy, several award winning albums.

has twin half-brothers, 16 years her junior, named leo and nolan on her father's side. doesn't have much of a relationship with them, only sees them on special occasions.

had a relationship with another musician and producer - roy taylor, you might know him too - since she was 18, ended when she was 22. emotionally fraught, sometimes abusive relationship. messy breakup. he had quite a few unflattering things to say about her in the end. the general public sided with him on that. she left the music industry shortly after.

also previously dated adam roswell - frontman of a punk band called blemishes. fans and press gave him the nickname 'nepo boyfriend', due to the supposed 'career boost' that came with being associated with her.

currently writes poetry and fiction. has published a poetry collection titled 'crush songs' - well reviewed, decent sales, but nowhere near the numbers she had as musician. currently working on a novel about the complex relationship between a young woman and her father - semi-autobiographical.

undiagnosed autism. special interests are ... well, as a teenager, she carried around dog-eared paperback copy of hamlet and jeff buckley's album grace on cassette tape everywhere she went. it's that serious. also likes architecture and interior design - specifically hotels. she has a bucket list of places to visit.

primarily smokes hand-rolled cigarettes. picked it up from a pretentious fuck she had a crush on when she was 15. it's pointless, but she just likes it now. will smoke store bought if it's what's available.

INFLUENCES:  beth harmon, the queen's gambit (2020 miniseries). camille preaker, sharp objects (novel and 2018 miniseries). daisy jones, daisy jones and the six (novel and 2023 miniseries). her smell (2018). marianne sheridan, normal people (novel and 2020 miniseries). sally draper, mad men (2007-2015). sydney barrett, legion (2017-2019). the music of jeff buckley. the music of lucy dacus. the public image/media perception of taylor swift.

[rqnvindr]

of dreams and tea

pairing: kamisato ayato x gn!reader

genre: fluff, mutual pining, childhood friends to lovers

warnings: mention of death

w.c: 1.2k

synopsis: growing up came with too many responsibilities. but it could also be beautiful, if shared with the ones you have loved for as long as you remember. 

a/n: based on the “wistful reminiscence” prompt for axia’s @yelans spring serenade event! thank you so much for letting me be apart of this and i’m happy to share my first ayato piece!

--

when you first met ayato, you didn’t know why you had ditched your friends to play with bugs.

just because you where given the rare opportunity to stumble upon the eldest son of the yashiro commission, didn’t mean you had to follow him around for the rest of the festival. he was going to get in trouble for meddling amongst the crowd instead of standing on the sidelines with his parents, and you were guaranteed a hefty scolding from your own family for ‘bothering’ the future of inazuma. yet, here you were, at seven years old, frolicking with someone that many commonfolk didn’t even get to meet as adults.

“this is so much better than that crowded place, isn’t it?” ayato smiles upon watching his onikabuto beat yours. “there’s not even a firework show this year! lame!”

you don’t know how to respond, already embarrassed from watching your pathetic bug representative topple over at the mercy of ayato’s. he cheers victoriously, and you wonder how he could be so content with openly criticizing all of the work his family had put into this year’s festivities. 

“um...won’t your parents be mad at you for saying something like that?” you ask.

“nah. though they do say that i’m a ‘troublemaker’ and are a bit worried about me inheriting all of the clan’s responsibilities,” he was very self-aware for someone his age. mischievous, but thoughtful. this was the kind of kid who’d grow up to be a scheming, albeit considerate leader. 

“but i’m the perfect prince anyway! i’m strong, handsome, funny, smart, and everyone loves me!”

who was everyone, exactly? it was a general, boastful statement, typical of a self-absorbed child. you never expected to be contemplating your feelings about him sooner or later, no matter how many times you ruminated on simpler times, back when the innocence of childhood let you get away with saying anything that came to your mind.

ayato handles everything with grace, even as a teenager who is still grieving from the loss of his parents no matter how much he tries to hide it. his younger sister ayaka also puts up a dignified front, wearing a smile as she blesses the city streets with unmatched elegance. 

you wish to say hi to ayato. it’s been a while since the two of you have talked. he’s busier than ever, with a schedule more hectic than any 16 year-old should have to deal with. if there was anything you could do to check in on him you would step in for sure..

“you should talk to my sister more. she doesn’t say it but she does get lonely.” you were staring into the distance watching ayaka eat alone when a male voice from behind startled you. how did ayato creep up like that without you noticing? the rumors about him running an underground ninjutsu organization were probably true after all.

you laugh at him. “i guess i could get to know her better. she really isn’t little ayaka anymore..”

“just don’t get so close to her that you start forgetting about me.” ayato flings an arm around your shoulder. your face heats up with how laid-back he acts in public with you. 

if you hadn’t been so self-conscious of the jealous and nosy stares from the crowd, you would’ve remembered the first time he held you close more clearly.

--

ayato hasn’t been to your tea house for more than a month. 

when he found out you had opened up your own business, he frequented the place despite having a supply of carefully brewed crafts at his estate. unfortunately, a nice cup of tea was the last thing on his mind when the sakoku decree was in full swing. thoma had also been talking about a certain traveler who was set to arrive, and his hands were full pulling the behind the scenes strings to get them past the border. 

this was his fate. it was decided upon him on the very day he was born. to grow into a well-rounded, responsible, cultured young man capable of holding his birthright position as the next head commissioner. he had to give it to his sister for working harder than she was even required to. he could handle it all, that’s what older brothers do, right? 

but ayato felt more and more alone as time fled without any spurts of change. on the nights when he wasn’t staying up until the sun rose, he dreamt of times of peace with you. where he could wake up next to you and start the day with smiles and warmth that bubbled from the past. did he deserve such a future though? was he selfish for wanting to act on his love in the middle of a political crisis? 

he stared up at the moon from his window. it moved fast along the sky, and sooner or later it’d be daytime again before he could even get a wink of sleep. like the childhood you two shared as clueless, playful souls who thought they could get away with anything, that transitioned all too quickly into adulthood. perhaps the same could apply to the time he had left to tell you his feelings before it was too late.

--

“what’s wrong? is there a hair in your cup or something?” ayato hasn’t touched his tea even though it should be cool enough to drink by now. 

he shakes his head. “there’s nothing wrong with the tea. it smells different, but not in a bad way.”

you make your way to sit across from him; no other customers are present at this hour, so you have time to spare. “in what way then?”

“i can’t really describe it. but it definitely smells....very pink.” you smiled at his response.

“i used the freshest sakura blooms. along with some more...secret ingredients.”

ayato chuckles at the little game you’re starting. he takes a small sip and hums, relishing the new flavor. “you’re always trying out new recipes. so bold, i like it.”

butterflies flutter in your stomach from his words. in a dreamy state, you stare at his profile as he continues to drink the tea that you made, how his long eyelashes flutter shut and compliment his smooth skin. how his cheekbones curve perfectly down to the mole near his lips, making you wonder what it’d be like to kiss it.

“i like being alone with you.”

you don’t know where that came from. something had possessed you as you got too comfortable with being alone in your own tea shop with your long-time, no, lifetime crush. your legs tell you to quickly get up and leave, but you want to see how he reacts, no matter how unsure you are of how this will go. 

your heart skips a beat when ayato smirks at you. it’s impossible to predict what he’s going to say next.

“i would hope so, after all of these years you better be comfortable around me.” you roll your eyes at him, yet are hopeful that his lightheartedness means the feeling is mutual. 

“i’m only joking. in fact, if maturing meant finally getting to hear those words from you, then i’m glad i wished to grow up faster when i was a child.” he laughs under his breath, and all you can do is stare at your hands that are currently resting on your lap. he brushes his knee against yours under the table, and you gently kick him back, giggling when he whines about how much it hurt. 

everything feels so new, yet the same. as you and ayato blossomed into new beginnings, the hidden truths of your hearts were exchanged. it only took a few years down memory lane to find them.

[promotional-dvd]

Why Aaron Hotchner Is The Perfect Dilf

Some may say my statement is bold because men like Chris Evans, Henry Cavill and Jon Bernthal exist, but I say Aaron Hotchner beats them all in terms of looks, personality and overall dilfiness. There is a certain criteria you need to fulfil in order to be considered a dilf. You must be:

Aged between 37-65 (anything older is a Gilf)

Dress for their age - e.g cable knit sweaters, polo shirts and clothes fathers/older men often wear

Needs wrinkles

Have a seemingly mean, intimidating or grumpy exterior but be cuddly and warm 

They must partake in some kind of old man activity such as Golf or Tennis

They need children or at least be aiming to have kids in the future

I'd like to start by discussing Hotch’s appearance. He's 6’2 with black hair and has a fairly muscular build but not overly muscular more so bordering on a dad bod. All of these elements combine to create a dream. I would like to draw attention to his eyebrows. As stated in the criteria, having a seemingly intimidating presence is very important and Aaron Hotchner does it so well. His eyebrows fully create the desired look and appeal with how they are constantly furrowed in anger and how his face rarely changes from its grumpy state. Furthermore, his deep voice strengthens the intimidation as in 95% of all dangerous situations he's in he remains calm which can cause the people around him to feel small and weak and pathetic. Hotch also wears a suit a majority of the time which creates a sense of professionalism and superiority. However, he fulfils this point on the criteria due to his sentimental and cuddly nature he keeps behind his serious and dark persona. We are most often shown it when he's with his son Jack. He is shown to be one of the most caring members of the team and is constantly looking out for everyone and looking hot while doing it. He also keeps and maintains his body hair which gives him an extra dose of dad bodness.

Thomas Gibson was 43 when Criminal Minds began and was 53 when he eventually left the show in season 12. These ages are peak dilf and we get to experience all of them throughout the long running crime show. As the show goes on he develops more wrinkles around his eyes and forehead where the best dilfs possess them. 

In one episode, he returns with a beard and let me tell you, it is the most amazing and sexy thing I have ever witnessed. His dilfiness went through the roof and I couldn't believe it. It felt like heaven. His dress sense also fits perfectly into the criteria and throughout the show he wears many dilfy outfits. He most often wears a black fleece shirt/jacket or a polo shirt of varying colours. These items of clothing accentuate his dilfiness as they are common items amongst older men and create a sense of comfort and relaxation. Sometimes he wears a dress shirt with 1-3 buttons undone when solving cases in a hot climate which makes him that much more attractive. Also, he wears tan pants on many occasions which cement his dilfiness as they are a crime to fashion and old men do not care about looks only about comfort. The underwear that he wears also shows his age as they are loose blue striped boxers which in the media are commonly shown on old men with younger men leaning towards tight fitting Calvin Klein boxers or briefs. 

As previously mentioned, Hotch is a single father to his son Jack after his ex-wife haley was murdered in season 5 episode 9 by the Reaper, a serial killer Aaron had been tracking for years. Being a single father increases an individual's dilfiness tenfold as it shows he is capable and smart and makes him an official Dilf as he is actually father. Looking deeper into Hotch's personal life, his favourite band is the Beatles of which Rossi rightly mocks him for. Typically, only old men and gay people like the Beatles.

In conclusion, Aaron Hotchner is the most perfectly written Dilf to have ever graced my eyes. He has the looks and the personality that align perfectly with the Dilf criteria and it makes me insane. So Aaron Hotchner is the perfect man and you can argue with the wall. Thanks and Bye.