#but it's like.. i feel like there are certain things that are typical amongst age groups

[rose-n-gunses]

Occasionally I'll see posts where people talk about feeling alienated from their peers growing up and I'll be like hey same except for the fact that like. I wasn't bullied and I had friends and I "fit in" and such so I feel like I must not be as different as I think or maybe I'm more "normal" than I feel but then like. Sometimes I go out with people my own age and I'm like yeahhhh we are not the same

[acradelius]

Can I request some 049 x female Reader headcanons where the Reader is pregnant with 049’s child?

"We're Expecting! Don't Tell The O5 Council!"

Fandom: Secure. Contain. Protect. (SCP)

Pairing: SCP-049 ("Doctor") x Female! Researcher! Reader

Rating: Lime [🟢] - (Equivalent to PG-13)

Warnings/Mention Ofs: Human! Reader, Researcher! Reader, Human x SCP, Human x SCP Relationship, AFAB! Reader, Female Pronouns Used For Reader, Unexpected Pregnancy, Most Likely Post! Contaiment Breach, Slightly Overprotective Doctor, Very Involved Parental! Doctor, Internally "Paranoid"! Doctor, Limited "Normal" Pregnancy Customs.

Word Count: 873 Words

If you'd like to be tagged for all posts, certain fandom posts, or certain character posts then feel free to message me!

There wasn’t much doubt that amongst the scale of ‘Definitely Not Human-Like’ to ‘As Human As Could Possibly Be, But Still Not Actually Human’, Doctor was more so teetering towards the edge of being more human-like than majority of the other S.C.P. beings that were also residing within the containment site, even still after the initial breach. That didn’t stop the researcher, (Y/N), from initiating a relationship with the Doctor, and eventually it became as intimate as it possibly could have. Despite that intimacy, there wasn’t necessarily ever a thought that a pregnancy between Doctor and (Y/N) could possibly happen, at least until viewing the results of the pregnancy tests that (Y/N) had taken. While there was some initial anxiety when it came to telling Doctor, he was actually pretty excited about the news! 

While within the early stages of their relationship Doctor had respected (Y/N)’s boundaries for space and privacy, now that she’s carrying their child, there’s not really such a thing as space and privacy anymore. (Y/N) couldn’t even make the five steps from Doctor’s desk to the bathroom within his laboratory without him jumping up to assist her. “Are you doing well, Chère? Do you need any assistance? Is there anything concerning the baby?” With that being said, the security around the laboratory is increased as well. There’s also more reanimated subjects that are placed around the laboratory, and even the most common places that (Y/N) typically ventures to and from, for an extra form of protection. It had gotten to the point that Doctor had to venture through the site looking for something, but didn’t want to disturb (Y/N) from their nap, so he had one of the subjects lay in the bed with her for protection.

Doctor is absolutely involved with the baby, ever since the moment that (Y/N) had revealed to him that she was pregnant with his child. He would spend literal hours just reading out loud to her and the child, whether it be his own research papers, random magazine pages found strewn across hallway floors, or would even spend time reading the files based on his other S.C.P. companions. It’s the same thing when it comes to listening to music, even if it’s various languages that (Y/N)’s unfamiliar with or hasn’t even heard of before. Doctor swears that while he hasn’t had any children before, that he’s done his fair share of research when it comes to pregnancies and even early childhood education, though (Y/N) is a bit unsure since it’s been quite some time since Doctor has been within the general public, especially in today’s day and age. He claims that it’s critical, and a long term benefit, that a developing baby experiences these things.

This pregnancy is definitely something more than just a generic pregnancy for Doctor, but he’s not going to make that known to (Y/N) unless he absolutely has to. As stated above, he’s never had a child before, and hasn’t came across anyone else like himself, so he’s unaware of what to actually expect when it comes to someone like him having a child within someone such as her. He’s not just monitoring the basic and typical pregnancy symptoms and such when it comes to watching over his beloved and her pregnancy. Secretly, he’s also monitoring for any abnormalities, anything that could end up becoming alarming or dangerous for (Y/N) or the baby, and even both. He doesn’t want to lose either of them, and therefore he would rather be able to take the risk of doing this part of the monitoring in secret if that means making sure that (Y/N) and their baby is doing well. While he was alone for the majority of his life before she had come along, Doctor isn’t sure if he would be able to continue on if he was to lose her.

Whenever (Y/N)’s due date, or at least an estimate of when the due date would be, there’s only a certain few other S.C.P. beings that Doctor is comfortable with her being around, even if she’s interacted with them for quite some time before the initial breach. He doesn’t want to take any chances with something happening to (Y/N) or the baby, especially with how sporadic and violent some of them can be. He only wants those that he can absolutely trust to be around them, at least at first, those that he knows will also do their best to make sure that things are going smoothly and stress-free. (Y/N) mentioned how this was slightly unfair once and therefore (Y/N) was only allowed to interact with who he didn’t deem safe enough through the intercom to his laboratory, or writing to each other with erasable markers on the window. This even means creating a whole different room or section of the site that Doctor’s located within to treat his “patients”, as he wants to make sure that the environment is going to be safe and sterile, or as sterile as it can be, for a safe, healthy delivery of his beloved little baby to be.

[black-butler-meta]

Green Witch Arc: Sullivan vs. Ciel

I finished reading the Green Witch arc a few weeks ago, and my mind has been mulling over it ever since. I absolutely loved it, so many different things I want to talk about! Today, however, I will focus on only ONE thing, because, well, it's a big one and I write too much for my own good.

What is it, you may ask? Well, it is the dichotomy shown between Sullivan and Ciel when it comes to sex/sexuality. Sex stuff AGAIN? YES. Because this shit is everywhere, mixed in with all of the trauma this show has, and it's fascinating to stare at it under a microscope.

TW: discusses the sexuality/sexualization of minors, implied/brief references to Ciel's trauma, and Sebastian is an immoral bastard (but we love him).

How fascinating to have Sullivan, an 11-year old who is OBSESSED with the idea of sex, contrasted to Ciel, a 13-year old, who often turns a blind eye or straight up refuses to think about sex (that we explicitly know of, of course).

First, let’s look at Ciel. He is VERY resistant to sexual advances, comments, or themes in general. It doesn’t help that these advances/comments are often coming from adults (e.g., his clothing designer, that creepy sex-trafficking guy I can never remember his name…). But it’s there with Sullivan too, of course (understandably… anyone would be uncomfortable with how she treated him). He keeps a certain level of innocence about himself, which I see more as a trauma response rather than an actual lack of interest. It’s not that he likely doesn’t have thoughts about sexual things, but that the concept of sex at all is something that is deeply bound to what he went through, and so he avoids it like the plague. We all know that typically 13-year-olds are well into exploring their sexuality and attitudes/desires around sex. But Ciel doesn’t seem to have any interest at all.

On top of that, he is often treated less like an adolescent and more like a prepubescent child by others, including Sebastian (at least with the topic of sex). I don’t think Sebastian sees Ciel as an innocent child like the others; instead, I think he does this for two reasons. First, he ‘shelters’ Ciel to maintain his butler persona in the presence of others. He has to follow the cultural rules and expectations of the times, which includes protecting his master’s “innocence” (an innocence that Ciel was long ago robbed of). Second, he does it to rile him up, to strip Ciel of his “adult” persona that he wears around others and make him feel vulnerable in front of Sebastian. We all know that the two of them love taking jabs at each other and getting under each other’s skin, and this is no different. Sebastian didn’t point out the inappropriateness of Doll sleeping next to him out of concern/kindness of his master’s reputation. No one was there to see it or report on it. No, he did it because he knew it would irritate Ciel.

But, I digress. Point is that Ciel is particularly sheltered and infantilized both by himself and by those around him. Part of it is the trauma (aka Ciel’s age regression that I described in a separate post), and the other part of it is due to his cultural upbringing in Victorian era England, where morality and purity of the soul were big at the time.

By contrast, Sullivan is the total opposite. The parallels between them are very obvious - they both have male butlers as their primary servant/provider, they are (mostly) isolated amongst adults, and they’re close in age. In this sense, Sullivan acts and Ciel’s foil during this arc.

Sullivan is two years younger than Ciel, and yet she is far more comfortable with the ideas of sex and sexuality than he is. She’s very forward with what she wants, very direct, and has no hangups/issues around the topic. She’s also still very young and immature, evidenced by how she doesn’t understand the inappropriateness of her questions and comments, as well as her physically grabbing Ciel without his consent. It shows that while she’s comortable exploring her sexuality, she’s still obviously very young and immature.

Sullivan’s hyper-sexuality may seem odd/uncomfortable at first, especially for those of us from western cultures where media doesn’t portray the sexual side of pre-adolescent/pre-pubescent minors. But portraying the sexual/attraction side of minors (both as the subjects and objects of desire) has been present in anime for forever. Some examples that come to mind off the top of my head are Becky’s crush on Loid in Spy x Family; Young Yosano (age 11) from Bungo Stray Dogs being crushed on by the older soldiers in her platoon; and Reg and Riko from Made in Abyss. Sometimes these things are used for comedic effect, utilizing that discomfort to cause a laugh. But other times, it’s entirely serious/genuine (as a side note, Sullivan’s scenes do both.) But that doesn’t make it bad… instead, the sexual exploration of minors in fiction within anime is often portrayed as something natural. These aren’t instances of children being taken advantage of; in fact, they are often turned down either by characters or circumstance (e.g., spy x family), or they themselves shut down those who exhibit interest (e.g., bungo stray dogs), or the exchange/situation is with someone their own age (e.g., made in abyss).

And I think that’s a distinction I’ve noticed between Japanese and Western media. Minors, specifically pre-adolescents, are often portrayed as active explorers of attraction and sexuality. Which, when we really sit down and think about it, is entirely natural and a part of overall development. Sullivan being obsessed with sex at her age, while exaggerated for humorous effect, is typical. (As a side note, I chuckled at the fact that she got her information from romance books, because I have very clear memories of being 11 years old and sneakily reading the sex scenes from my mom’s harlequin romance books when she wasn’t home!). But, as I said above, while her curiosity and desire to experience this aspect of her body that is meant to bring pleasure is normal, her approach is very immature and inappropriate.

Which brings us to a very important point: While it is normal for minors to be curious and want to explore sex, the responsibility, in the end, falls on the adults (and older minors) to maintain healthy boundaries. Sullivan is allowed to have her curiosity, but she is regularly shot down by those around her, and her sexual advances are written off as a misunderstanding due to her lack of social and cultural exposure.

It’s also worth noting that I found Sebastian’s reaction to the whole thing very interesting AND very on-point for a demon. Sebastian is far less appalled by Sullivan’s advances as well as her overall curiosity. In fact, he finds the entire thing hilarious. There is even a point where he points out “Is Mr. Wolfram not a man?” I felt like this had a double meaning. The surface level is pointing out that Wolfram is a man, even though Sullivan says she’s never seen one before. But also implies that if she were so curious about men, then why not go to her butler who is one?

Sebastian is not bound by human rules of morality. He’s a demon and sees all humans as inferior. Food, insects… you get the idea. And as a demon, I don’t think he cares much about age/age differences, either. In fact, to be honest, I think all humans likely seem like infants to him because he’s immortal. He’s been around far longer than all of them. It’s the same way someone in their 40s will see someone in their 20s as young, or the way someone in their 80s may see someone in their 40s as young. Young, old… it’s all relative to oneself, and for Sebastian, he’s the oldest there is. What he does know is that humans are very sexually motivated (he uses this to his advantage, after all). It’s just a part of their nature. He doesn’t care that the sexuality is coming from an 11 year old versus a 25 year old. To him, the solution is simple: if you want it, take it. If Sullivan wants to experience sex, then she should reach out to Mr. Wolfram because he is a man. There’s nothing sinister about, nothing predatory… it’s just the logical solution that Sebastian came to due to not being restricted by human thinking. As long as both parties are consenting, what does it matter?

Which why it is so perfect that it’s Sullivan who shuts him down. But not because Wolfram is an adult and she’s a child, but because she doesn’t think of him “that way.” She sees him as a guard dog. He’s a loyal servant, there to protect her, and in that way, is more of a parental figure to her than a romantic one (as it should be). It’s not that she can’t be attracted to an adult; she’s obviously attracted to Sebastian. Which, once again, is normal. I distinctly recall having crushes on adults as a preteen. And let’s be honest, EVERYONE crushes on Sebastian, he’s literally sex on legs.

But what’s so great about this exchange is that Sullivan, while still being a child, is given agency as a character within the story. It’s not that she can’t, but it’s that she doesn’t want to. And that, in itself, is powerful. While she may be young and immature, just starting out her sexual journey, she gets to decide what she does/doesn’t want to do with her body, who she does/doesn’t want to share it with. And she’s able to make that choice within a safe space because those around her, who are older than her, maintain that very important boundary of appropriate/inappropriate behavior, not letting her cross that threshold that can lead to a potentially damaging outcome (mentally, physically, emotionally).

We often try to maintain a strict dichotomy between “child” (no sexual agency) and “adult” (full sexual agency). However, that’s not how it works in the real world, is it? We have that transitory period of adolescence, and we can’t prevent the sexual curiosity of minors from happening. We may create this dichotomy as a way to protect children from ill-intentioned adults, but at the same time, doing so strips children of their own autonomy and ability to learn about themselves - what they like, what they don’t like, what feels safe and what doesn’t. A child without agency is a child without control, and in that sense, is at greater risk for harm when they do eventually cross that legal threshold from minor to adult.

Additionally, this binary viewpoint either promotes, or is in response to, the fear that if a child is allowed to be their own subject of sexual desire, then it will open up the allowance of them becoming the object of someone else’s sexual desire, which can increase the risk for harm. In a way, this almost puts the blame on the child, rather than the adults, as being the one responsible for maintaining healthy boundaries. It’s the same tune of “women shouldn’t dress provocatively because it might entice men to assault them.” Let us not put the blame on the victims, shall we? Allow and acknowledge the natural sexual development of children and adolescents; provide a safe space for them to be curious, to ask questions, to get things wrong. It is OUR responsibility as adults to honor and protect their space and teach them boundaries for safety.

Oops, I got sidetracked…

To tie this back to Ciel, in this sense, he’s still very much stuck in that dichotomy of “child” (no agency) and “adult” (full agency). He’s forced to occupy both spaces due to his culture and his circumstances. In that sense, he’s grappling for control within himself, his past, and the world that he is both physically bound by and yet emotionally separate from. It demonstrates how he’s still shackled by his past and by his need for revenge, and ties into his voluntary age regression that he still relies on in response to his trauma. And if Ciel has any hope of ever truly healing beyond it, then him coming to terms with his own sexuality and desires will likely have to be a part of that.

I have much more to say regarding Ciel’s sexuality within the story overall, Sebastian’s role in it, as well as how that relates to us as the viewers…. but that’s a post for another time. This post is already long enough. 💀

ANYWAAAYYYY, Green Witch Arc. Loved it, it was fantastic, so much going on in it, can't wait to see it all animated eventually! I have more ramblings to write for it, so hopefully I can get those jotted down soon!

[wildpeachfarm]

This whole topic makes me think about how CCs communicate to each other, even outside of dteam. At least with the twitch crowd.

My theory is that people that come into this thinking there's a pre-established script on how a cc should be, and that everyone else already knows it? Coupled with how most of these newer CCs are in their teens, they would be self-conscious about not standing out "the wrong way", so they just act how they think they should act. Which makes them see any form of communication as confrontation or a attack, as it makes them feel like "well, it's either IM doing something wrong or YOUR doing something wrong if we have to talk about it."

They forget or never thought about that being a CCs is no different than being any other job or community, and forget to just be a human and communicate?

Not going to lie, that's how a LOT of people communicate especially on the internet. There is this unspoken assumption amongst people that everyone needs to act the same way and speak the same way, and that any diversion from that is "wrong" or "weird" because it either requires more communication, more boundary establishing, or more curation of your own personal experiences online (and people don't want to do that work). When in the real world, these are very simple things you encounter and are not a big deal at all.

Unfortunately, it is typically a lot of teen-age people who are like this because they haven't had the life experience that teaches you to "respect that everyone does not and will not want to act the same as you and you need to respect that, communicate, and move on healthily because that's part of being a functioning human in society". So unfortunately we do tend to find young adult and teenage CCs in this crowd too.

Which is why I always appreciate mature communication over senseless demands to act a certain way because that's just...not how the world works lmao- and I wish younger CCs didn't feel so much pressure to follow a certain type of "behavior" that is demanded of people that really have far less communication skills and maturity than they think.

Dteam are such a wonderfully unique case of boys who were raised basically on the internet and yet STILL have super healthy ways of communicating and expressing their thoughts and I think all these other CCs should take the hint and start working on their own flaws in behavior and communication because there is already a very jarring difference between how dteam handle sensitive situations vs how everyone else does.

[somethingclevermahogony]

For the Q&A tag, I've always been intriqued by Narul (giant man). A few questions about him.

1. infodump as much as you want about what being a demigod/spiritblood means, and how he views it.

2. How did he meet Ninma

And 3. How is he as a father? Is he responsible? Protective? Stern? Etc.

Thanks for the ask!

1. Infodump as much as you want about what being a demigod/spiritblood means, and how he views it.

Oof, if I really went all out infodumping I could be here writing this for hours, so I'm going to keep things simple.

The term spiritblood is technically more accurate because, unlike with the demigods in say Greek mythology, spiritbloods are not the children of a mortal and a deity, but rather of a mortal and a particularly powerful spirit. Narul is a bit of a special case as his mother was spiritblooded, that is to say, while she herself was not a spiritblood, her grandmother was. This means that Narul is technically more magical than a normal spirit blood.

So what does being a spiritblood entail? There is much variation between spiritbloods often depending on the kind of spirit from which they descend among other factors. However there are several traits that are shared amongst all spiritbloods.

1) All spiritbloods are inhumanly large, not only in terms of height but also in terms of bulk and proportion. A spiritblood does not merely look like a tall human. Their magical nature allows them to reach sizes and weights that would otherwise kill a normal human. The shortest living spiritblood in the age of Narul is Mikrab at just under 8ft tall. Narul is the tallest at 9ft.

2) As previously mentioned, spiritbloods do not have normal human proportions. The War Queen Batricca for example, was famed for her unusually long arms. Narul is not only tall but massive, naturally bulky, he is so large that he struggles to fit in most small buildings. To the average person Narul looks somewhat monstrous, thus why he is called "Giant".

3) All spiritbloods are blessed with supernatural strength and durability. The first king of Kishetal, the spiritblood Tamel, was known as the Wallbreaker for his sheer and terrifying strength. It is impossible for a human to match the physical strength of a spiritblood. A single spiritblood in ancient times, was said to be capable of sieging a city, thus why so many cities in Narul's time still have such massive fortifications.

4) Spiritbloods have incredibly dense bones and thick skin, comparable to well treated leather armor. This affords spiritbloods a great deal of protection against a variety of threats and makes them even more difficult opponents in battle. The only materials which do not struggle to cut through their thick hides are volcanic glass and the magical metal called Arkodian Bronze.

5) All spiritbloods are capable of seeing and communicating with spirits, something that for normal humans, typically only sages can do. However spiritbloods as a rule, are incapable of using magic.

6) Spiritbloods are incredibly resistant both to toxins and to magical mutation. For this reason Narul can eat poisonous or magical plants without feeling any effects in quantities that would otherwise kill dozens of normal people. The downside of this is that while toxins do not work on Narul, neither do most medicines. Most spiritbloods have an incredibly difficult time getting drunk, Narul for example must drink the equivalent of several gallons of wine just to feel tipsy. This has led to a myth, popularized by those with poor knowledge of spiritbloods, that spiritbloods tend to be drunkards.

7) Spiritbloods are functionally immortal. This is to say that unless felled by a physical injury, a spiritblood will not die, at least not from the deterioration that comes from age. Theoretically a spiritblood could live indefinitely if they avoided conflict. However while the body may not age after a certain point, the mind does. As a spiritblood ages their mental facilities will begin to wane, they will forget their past self and will begin to suffer cognitive decline. It is not unusual for spiritbloods to seek death when this begins to occur, for fear of forgetting everything. The oldest living spiritblood is Mikrab who at almost 2000 years old has suffered considerable declines in his memory and mental capabilities, thus earning him the moniker "Mikrab the Mad".

So there's that, but what does Narul think about being a spiritblood? Long story short he hates it. Before he knew that he was a spiritblood he was taught that he was a forestfolk, a magical mutation, and was as a result intrinsically dangerous to others, a rabid dog ready to turn. Finding out that his childhood was a lie did little to comfort him as it did nothing to calm his anxieties around accidentally hurting someone due to his strength and size. Further the idea of living for centuries and slowly forgetting about the people that he cares about, terrifies him. Narul is not a power hungry or violent person and as such takes little enjoyment from his supernatural abilities. The only thing he really appreciates is being able to see spirits.

2. How did he meet Ninma

Narul was brought to the Palace of Labisa as a child and served there as a slave to King Hutbari (the same person that lied to Narul about his true nature and instilled all of the self-loathing and fear in him).

Hutbari had many children, the youngest of which was Ninma. Narul would have seen her around the Palace grounds, avoiding her tutors, climbing walls, chasing lizards, and otherwise being a menace. Narul was in the palace the day that she was born. However despite living together for the first 5 years of Ninma's life the two never talked until after the coup. Ninma wasn't even aware of the fact that Narul could talk until after they had both left Labisa.

And 3. How is he as a father? Is he responsible? Protective? Stern? Etc.

Narul is a kind and responsible father. He makes sure that she is well fed and cared for, he plays games with her, he listens to the stories that she makes. He tries his best to understand her concerns and interests (As he is an illiterate giant and she a former noble child, they have quite different perceptions of the world). If they were in the real world Narul would be at every one of Ninma's sport's games, theater productions, dad and daughter dances, girl scout meetings, and just about anything else.

He is however very protective of Ninma. He sees her as fragile (as everyone is compared to him) and as such fears her getting hurt, or worse losing her. This unfortunately clashes at times with Ninma's own adventurous personality and may lead to tension between the two of them. Narul tries to be stern at times, but isn't all that good at it, if only because Ninma knows that Narul is a giant softy.

Along with his fear of her getting hurt whether by him or by something else, Narul lives in constant fear of Ninma's growing up, he fears losing her to old age or something else. He fears that one day after centuries have passed that he might forget her.

Taglist:

@illarian-rambling, @mk-writes-stuff, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @willtheweaver, @patternwelded-quill

@elsie-writes, @elizaellwrites, @the-ellia-west, @the-octic-scribe, @the-golden-comet

@finickyfelix, @theprissythumbelina, @autism-purgatory, @diabolical-blue , @tildeathiwillwrite

@katenewmanwrites, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @paeliae-occasionally, @melpomene-grey

@drchenquill, @marlowethelibrarian, @phoenixradiant, @pluttskutt

@dyrewrites, @unrepentantcheeseaddict, @roach-pizza, @rivenantiqnerd

@flaneurarbiter, @dezerex, @axl-ul, @surroundedbypearls

@treesandwords

[necros-writing-stuff]

Foxes and Minxes: Collabo'ween Day 21

GN!AFAB!Reader/M!Teacher!Bailey

Warnings: Me being very British with everything referenced here (sorry); Alcohol; Gloryhole; Hints of Yandere Reader; References to bullying; Condoms; Bailey POV and he feeling guilty; Only pronouns for reader are they/you.

Word Count: 4010

Notes: This is the telepathy mixed with teacher prompt! Bailey is not the telepathic one, though, and I kept it subtle methinks. It's also just fun to think of where Bailey might have ended up if he hadn't become the caretaker.

His paycheck is late. Again. Leighton has been holed up in his office all day yelling at delinquents, telling Bailey to come back later every time he'd popped his head in. The first round of students had set a bin on fire in the cafeteria. The second had been encouraging someone to moon passing cars at the gates. The third had popped River's tires. 

Sure, the kids here were usually shitheads, but to this level? It had to have something to do with graduation coming soon - they were all in their final year of Sixth Form afterall. Most of them being 18, but not fully grasping that they were adults yet and that they could be arrested for what they had been up to. 

Some of them were in his class: economics. Or rather, missing from his class today. They'd been put in the isolation room to write out lines at desks with screens on them so they couldn't talk to each other. Bailey had been in there once or twice as a kid, hell, Winter had been the one to put him in there a few times. Strange that they were now colleagues. Strange that Winter hadn't applied to be head of the school (or at least deputy) after all these years. 

As it was, with the shitheads mostly missing, his class was quiet. Sixth Form classes were smaller than the secondary education classes, the other teachers who had to handle both levels had it worse. Typically UK schools have all of the desks pushed into larger tables to facilitate group work and to make larger use of the room's space, but with how bad the students are here all of the desks had to be separated to discourage certain behaviours. 

Right up front was his favourite. A shy kid, huddled up with their notebook. He couldn't tell whether or not they were doing the work or absently doodling while their mind wandered. He didn't care either way. They'd finished their exams, the only reason they were still here in class was because they all had to be until they walked out with their grades or failed and were pushed out anyway. School policy. One that severely annoyed everyone who wanted a free period to wander around. 

His favourite kept mostly to themself, barely interacting with the others even though they were silently chatting amongst themselves or watching the documentary he had put on to keep some of them occupied. Only educational programmings allowed. Yet another school policy. God, it was miserable here. He'd be watching Breaking Bad otherwise, all of these students had hit 18 so he wouldn't get in trouble from parents about it. But no, instead he'd had to throw on some bullshit scaremongering thing about the dangers of ecstasy pills he'd found on YouTube. 

Funny thing, growth. Back when he was their age, he'd have bullied his favourite. He was as much of a little shit as the rest of them are today. Now he finds solace that at least one of them paid attention. And they'd be gone soon, replaced by another bout of insufferable 16 year olds who would be eager to push him to his limits - only to find that he knew their games and wouldn't be putting up with them. Same old song and dance every new year. 

Which is why he wanted his fucking paycheck. He goes home bordering on having an aneurysm every night, the least he can have in return is his rent money. He's not late, not yet, he'd saved up enough to have reserves, but it still felt better to have it. Plus, he'd be able to get himself a takeaway tonight. That Chinese place he likes is open on a Tuesdays. Some egg fried rice, noodles, chicken curry, those salt and peppered chips. A lovely break in his recent health kick he'd been on. 

Bailey sinks into his seat, sighing at the thought as he chews on a pen cap. His favourite looks up from their notebook, their eyes passing over him quickly before going back down. Not a new thing. They're a jumpy little thing like that. He'd bumped into them once and they'd whimpered as though he'd struck them. Kinda reminds him of all of those videos of foxes just squealing because they can - so he'd nicknamed them after the animal.

He's not a stranger to the signs of an abusive upbringing - the bullying couldn't have helped either. But he's not the one to offer support beyond letting them use his classroom instead of the library. They could go to Doren if they wanted a shoulder to cry on. 

The bell rang then, the students mostly springing up and rushing out to head to the cafeteria. His favourite was stayed put until everyone else left. 

"What you got today?" Bailey reaches under his desk, fetching a box from his bag and his homemade panini with it. Ham, lettuce, and tomatoes filled it up. 

"Same as usual," you respond with a small smile. Which means…

Bailey catches the Yorkie when you throw it over to him, and in return he tosses a bag of Maltesers. That's your usual deal. You bring the Yorkie, Bailey exchanges it for whatever sweet snacks he has that day. Whichever parent it is that always packs the bars for you clearly hasn't clued in to the fact that you've grown sick of the chocolate. Luckily for you, though, Bailey could inhale a whole four-pack in ten minutes. 

And with it not being a class, that also means he doesn't have to abide by the 'educational' videos only rule. At least, that's the excuse he'll tell Leighton if he's caught putting on fucking Hannibal. 

But it's a nice time, eating with his favourite as they watch the show over the lunch hour. Sure beats the fucking staff rooms. Bailey might just quit if he has to hear River complain about that Whitney kid again. 

It's quiet again (save the chewing), but this time it's a comfortable quiet rather than the eternally tense silence of a classroom full of kids a moment away from doing a crime to lull the boredom. 

Little Foxie relaxes now that they're alone, your shoulders sloping and your eyes focused rather than shifting. Poor damn kid. But, not his circus, not his monkeys. He won't see you again after next week anyway. 

"Which exam do you have left?" 

"Just physics. I'm dreading it, though. Sirris kinda does best with biology, so I've had to teach myself quite a bit. Just wish Leighton would hire more teachers - Winter's started nodding off in class apparently." 

Yeah, you aren't wrong there. Overworked, underpaid. And that's what separates you from the other student. That empathy you have for others. How you've held onto it for this long despite the torment of your peers never fails to amaze him. 

"I'm excited to head off to uni, though. It'll be way different than here and I won't have to be around people I don't want to see." There's hope I'm your tone. 

"What'd you pick again?" Bailey can barely speak intelligibly with all that chocolate stuffed in his mouth. Like he's ever been one for good manners though - and it seems to entertain you enough when you smile at him.

"I'm still not sure. Psychology's an option, but creative writing or even zoology sound cool, too."

"Zoology? Didn't know animals were your thing." 

"I started thinking about that after that field trip to the forest last month. You know how Winter is trying to find all of those ruins but there's the bears and stuff that could hurt him? It would be good to work to keep people who work there safe by taking care of the animals. Oh, and the fact that they're extinct everywhere else in the UK. They're important." 

Eden would disagree, but his old friend would keep to himself so long as he was left alone out there. 

"That, and well… animals are honest, you know? I don't have to worry if they'll be bad like people. They'll let me know what they want, I just have to learn the body language." 

Bailey snorts, finishing his Yorkie as he nods. "Aye, good point there. They say never work with kids or animals, but I used to work at the dog pound when I was your age and wrestling screaming huskies into the bath tub was easier than these lot." 

You return to being pensive, head cooking to the side. "How many of them do you think will go to uni?" 

How many of them will you have to avoid, you mean, judging by the nervousness that eases back into your voice. 

"Not many. They'll be the better ones who do anyway." 

No more chatting after that. There's not much more to say - you don't exactly go into personal stuff with your students. You've covered what was appropriate to talk about, and that was enough. That's how it always is. It's how it continues in the week to follow, until you graduate. 

He'll miss you. Just a little bit. The chocolate coated apple you leave on his desk with a thank-you note with a voucher for the local Chinese place is a nice touch, too. Did he even tell you he liked that place? He can't remember, but probably. 

Bailey knows why he harbours such feelings toward you. You're the kind of kid he'd hope to have if he was ever unlucky enough to spawn. 

"Good luck, Foxie," he whispers to himself as he eats the apple - and what do you know - it's melted Yorkie chocolate. Maybe you should have added confectionary to your list of things to study. 

A bittersweet heaviness settles in his chest, causing Bailey to rub the area as he frowns. Your note didn't have a social media handle, and now that you'd graduated you could add him on there. He'd like to keep an eye on your progress, but if you'd rather not then he understands. It's a new start for you, and he was a part of a difficult past even if he'd tried to offer safety in the storm. 

He still couldn't help but feel left behind. And not for the first time, he thinks. 

Dwelling on his sorrows won't do, though. It's better to get your demons out before they dig dens: so to Darryl's club it'll be tonight.

Bailey stays to fix his classroom up and get everything he needs for the summer. The kids left screaming for joy - his work hasn't stopped just because it's a holiday. He'll have to check his units and adjust all of his educational bullshit. 

His flat is small, just a single bedroom and a joint kitchen and living room, but it's enough. He guesses. Bailey's younger self would kick him in the balls for ending up here instead of as some big-shot lawyer or whatever he'd had in his head back then. 

Chucking his box of work shit onto his coffee table, Bailey pushes his dark hair back out of his eyes and heads to the shower. He can afford to spend half an hour in there, Leighton had sent the paycheck over. Its just what he needs, the scalding water loosening his muscles up and getting any sweat off of him from the summer heat. 

The outfit he chooses to wear is simple, but it's tailored just right to make his body look it's best. Dress shirt in white, black slacks, Italian loafers, his woolen long coat. He doesn't put it on until he's eaten, though, opting to shovel pasta into his mouth with his towel around his hips. 

It's still bright when he heads to the club even though the hour is late. Bailey finds himself thankful for it, the setting sun keeping some warmth as he waits for the bouncer to thin the line out and let him in. 

The environment inside is energetic, music pulsing through the building as lights are focused on various dancers performing on the stages in various stages of undress. People sit around watching with drinks in one hand and money in the other, ready to throw the cash when they find a dancer that gets them going enough. 

Bailey didn't bring change. Instead, he's off to the bar, taking an empty spot and ordering a whiskey. Then, he waits. Tourists come to this town for the beach (and the underground sex industry), many of them in the club tonight. Many of them good looking and looking for a fuck without ties. Luckily for one of them tonight, so is Bailey. 

His eyes scan the crowd, trying to scope out some cute thing he can make eye contact with and smile at so they'll either come to him or he can go to them. Sadly, the club's occupants tonight seem to be mostly local. And he isn't paying for one of the dancers either - Bailey likes it here and he'd rather not end up banned and have to venture over to Briar's seedy little hole. 

With no luck, Bailey settles for watching the dancers and listening to the conversations of groups around him for a while as he sips his drinks. Yes, multiple. If he can't fuck, he'll get a buzz and go home feeling merry at least. 

That time closes in, his eyes feeling heavy before it even reaches one in the morning. Fucking hell, he's feeling his age these days. He's not fourty yet, but it's coming, and his back especially is feeling it. 

Placing his latest empty glass on the bar, Bailey goes to get up when something catches his eye. Red hair, pretty face, young. Someone he doesn't recognise. He thinks. He's had enough to drink at this point that he can't see the best - but what he can see he likes. 

Now it's just about getting their attention. 

Another drink is ordered - this time a virgin cocktail. He's had enough alcohol, he'd like to be able to walk home without falling over. Then it's back to lounging against the bar, staring at the pretty red-head and willing them to look his way. 

And willing. And willing. And… shit. Yeah, they're not interested. Plus, Bailey needs to piss. 

The crowd goes up in cheers as one of the favourite dancers comes onto center stage, everyone glued to their spots as the music switches to their routine's soundtrack. It fades away as the door to the toilets swings shut behind the dark haired man. There's barely anyone else in there, and the two that are hurry to get out to watch. 

Not wanting to risk having some creep take a photo of his dick while he pisses, Bailey stumbles into a stall rather than over to the urinals. He's surprised to notice a gloryhole in the side of the stall; the owners here don't like that shit happening in the open. And it's a bug fucking hole, too.

A deep sigh leaves his lungs when he relieves himself, his head falling back and his eyelids closing. 

The door squeaks open, footsteps echoing as they make their way over to the stall right beside his own. Swearing under his breath, Bailey keeps an eye out for a phone coming under or above the stall. The stalls don't save you from pervs with cameras, but it does mean you can trap them in the stall and threaten them until they hand the phone over and you can delete what they took. 

"Hey, sorry, I couldn't hear you out there." 

Bailey's eyebrows crease as he shakes his dick and puts it away. Are they talking to him? 

"Yeah, no, I'm in the bathroom now. What did you call for?"

Nope, not for him. Nice voice though, bit of an accent. Definitely not from around here. Could be his tourist. 

"I- really? Really? You promised I'd be able to stay out the full night! You always do this, you always-" 

Oh, yikes. Controlling partner, it sounds like. Bailey knows he should go, but to leave now while they're arguing? To interrupt it? That feels more awkward than to hide and pretend he isn't there until they leave first. 

That accented voice only gets more upset, causing Bailey to cringe and hold his breath. 

"No! No, I'm not doing this anymore. We're done, you fucking freak! Yeah? Yeah? Go ahead, burn my shit, like I care." 

Oh, good for them, he guesses. He can still hear the tears in their voice. Tears that evolve into sobs when they hang up and, by the sound of things, sit down on the toilet seat. Time to go, Bailey thinks. He'll be really quiet about it, though. 

Which he fails at. Immediately. His loafers slip against the tile and his fist flies into the wall. Bailey doesn't hurt himself, but those sobs cease immediately. 

There's some flashes of movement beyond the glory hole, flashes of red hair going past while Bailey remains completely frozen. 

"Are you okay in there?" 

"I should be asking you the same thing," he shoots back. "But yeah, I'm good. Caught myself." 

"Guy from the bar, right? You were looking at me." 

Ah, so they're avoiding the question. Fair enough. He can't blame them for not wanting to tell a stranger about the partner they just broke up with. 

"Yeah, sorry, didn't know you were taken." He grunts as he finally stands back up right, smoothing out his shirt and working on tucking it back in. 

"Were." It's whispered, accompanied by the shuffle of clothes. He'll leave them to it, he supposes. 

"I, ah. Good luck with your-" 

They weren't pulling their pants down to take a piss. They were pulling them down to press their pussy against the glory hole, giving Bailey a good view of it. 

"You have a condom? I'm free now so…" 

Bold little minx, aren't they? Forward with what they want, but responsible enough to ask for a condom. Which Bailey would have forgotten if they hadn't mentioned. 

"Yup," is all he says, the 'p' popping as his pants come down again. Fishing out the condom from his wallet, Bailey keeps the packet held between his teeth as his hands get to work. One wraps around his cock, the other pressing against their pussy and thumbing their clit. 

Such a cute giggle they have, such a cute little cunt they have. Just what he needs to keep make his day after all of the goddamn stress. He's clumsy though, the drink and the two different movements of his hands making his ministrations rough. Not that the minx next door seems to mind. 

He's quick to harden, ripping the condom packet open before rolling it down on himself. 

"Just spit on me, I don't want to wait longer." 

Fucking hell, yeah he can do that. Leaning down, Bailey rolls his tongue around in his mouth, gathering spit before drooling it all over their cunt. And he just can't resist giving it a lick when he picks up how good it smells. 

They laugh again, wiggling their hips so that his tongue teases their clit for a few seconds before he pulls away. Then it's right to what they both want. 

The angle is awkward, standing up so straight his back leans away from the wall as he presses himself in. Completely worth it when he feels how tight and warm it is - even around the condom they feel like heaven. 

Reaching up, Bailey tightly grips the top of the stall dividing wall to keep himself steady while he pumps in and out. Nice and slow to start, nice and slow to find the angle he likes and a rhythm that makes sense. He keeps his head down, watching himself sink in. Such a good sight to commit to memory. 

The minx starts whimpering, gyrating their hips to demand more from Bailey. Strange that the whimper seems familiar, flashing images of a certain fox-like ex-student through his head. And a flash of heat through his lower belly. 

"Fuck," Bailey hisses, shaking his head and trying to focus on the here and now. Completely inappropriate to think of you right now. He's never thought of you that way, and he won't start now. 

But then the minx whimpers again, leaving Bailey with the thought of his little Foxie bent over his desk, taking him rough and hard while they both watch the door from fear of being caught. 

You're gone. He won't see you again. It's not like he'll have to look you in the eye on Monday and face the shame of having had these thoughts. What's the harm in indulging in them when they make his skin feel so aflame? 

"Yes, Sir, more!" 

Oh that fucking helps. Sends his mind reeling about how nice you always were, how you knew what he wanted from you whether it was your behaviour, work, or conversation. It would translate into the bedroom, Bailey knew that much. You'd be such a good little one for him, on your back with your knees held to your chest so he could get a good view of what's between your legs. What he'd be tasting, savouring. 

"So good, Sir, so good," the minx whines, that one fucking title the sweet spot in it all. 

Bailey snarls, pumping hard and fast right into them, right into you, his brain stuck in a world where you're in his apartment, laying in his bed and clinging tightly to him while he makes your anxiety seem out of your body with every hit against the slick, gummy walls of your sweet cunt. 

It creeps up on him, electricity sparking up his spine as his balls tighten. Bailey hasn't come this close to finishing so quickly in years, a realisation that sobers him for a second. His teeth dig into his lower lip, but it doesn't slow down the building explosion that hits him. 

He loses control of his hips, feeling like they're being pushed forward by an unseen force as he buries himself into the minx, spilling spurt after spurt of his seed into the condom. It drains that burst of energy he'd had, his cock slipping out of the minx as he struggles to stay standing. 

"You okay in there, handsome?" There's no mocking in their voice, just amusement. 

"Shit - sorry. I'll finish you off, here-" 

"Nah, it's all good. My phone won't stop going off and if I don't answer that bastard really will burn my shit. I left my mother's necklace over there so I should head over." 

"Don't go alone if you can help it," Bailey grunts, putting his clothes to right again and disposing of his condom in the bin. Next door, he hears the minx putting their clothes to right as well. 

"Yeah, I'll grab my friend on the way out. She's probably out of money at this point anyway." 

Their stall opens, footsteps heading off. Bailey isn't long behind. 

Two seconds. Two seconds of seeing them clearly in the mirrors above the sink as he passes. Two seconds where he sees them fixing their hair - an obviously fake wig that he can make out clearly since the drunkenness has faded. Two seconds where he can make out their face in the bright light of the bathroom.

One extra second when you turn back, panic in your eyes at the knowledge that he'd realised who you are. The panic fades though. Instead, you're smiling in a way he's never seen you smile before. It's confident. Fox-like. 

"Or maybe I'll just head back home since there's no ex-boyfriend. Could go back to yours. Bet you'd like more of a taste, Sir. I'll even hold my legs apart for you." 

Bailey can't move. Can't chase after you and demand answers as you scurry off, your hips swaying in that outfit. Can't believe his cock is hardening again, and that you'd know just what he wants. Just like he'd thought you would. 

Why do you always know what he wants?

[tigirl-and-co]

Space Monkeys

Hey everybody, here's a rough draft of the first chapter of Space Monkeys, what will (hopefully!) be a sci-fi novel featuring Saiyans, from Dragon Ball!

Even if you aren't familiar with Dragon Ball, I urge you to check it out, especially if you have an interest in sci-fi! I've put more effort into this bit of writing than I have anything in years, so while it's still a bit rough I am very proud of it! Please give it a chance, it's a labour of love.

Those of you familiar with the sci-fi novels of yesteryear should feel right at home, and I'm hoping those that aren't may find themselves interested!

~~~

Space Monkeys, Ch. 1

"You humans are up to something."

Witloof pushed his own head into the collection of human ones, and it wasn't hard for him either with his comparative strength. The small gaggle who were gathered around a computer screen hushed into a nervous silence- not the fear of being hurt, as they all knew what repercussions the Empire Regulatory Committee would enact under such a circumstance- but rather the schoolchild silence of an unwelcomed outsider sticking his nose where it didn't belong and not heeding the rebuffment.

The Saiyan made eye contact with the human he assumed was the leader of this troupe. "You humans are up to something," Witloof reiterated, "And I want in."

After many fewer moments of pondering than should typically be utilized when determining trustworthiness, the human Derebak grinned conspiratorially. "Good. We can use a strongman."

It is well-known throughout the universe that if you want to come home with an interesting story, you find a group of humans. Well known only to spacefaring humans, however, is that if you want to get up to any real sort of trouble, you'd best find a Saiyan and earn his respect. Dependable as anything once they like you, but therein lies the issue.

When the two empires met on the edge of space, there was a near-immediate understanding that they were like each other. This was unfortunate, considering just how much humans like to squabble amongst themselves. The superior Saiyan strength very nearly had to test itself against humanity's advanced tactics and brains, but eventually the issues were sorted out and the two fell into an uneasy peace, as far as the heads of each civilization was concerned.

For anybody who spent any time at all on a station where the two species collided, they understood the peace wasn't uneasy in the slightest.

Sure, for Saiyan tastes humans were a bit yappy, and they were all soft in the face and in the heart. And humans thought the Saiyan appearance and temperament a bit beastly, sticking closer to the apes from which he had sprung up than man did. But really, it usually took very little time for them to look past this and start swapping stories of home over drinks paid for by whoever lost that day's bet.

And so while Derebak didn't know Witloof from Adam, it knew he was sincere. Saiyans made for awful liars and for great troublemakers. Both species hated being yanked around by the chain, and Derebak was confident that if it could rope Witloof in on smaller stuff, he'd follow this thing all the way to the top.

And taking care of an earnest idiot is merely human nature, not that a human would ever let a Saiyan cotton on to that fact.

Derebak 'Rabies' Johnson, not-quite-rogue astrogator of the tourist jump-ship Tyger, Tyger, stuck out a hand. "Call me Rabies, all the people I like do."

It looked the musclehead up and down, but there's not much to be gleaned from a Saiyan at first glance. They're a longer-lived race, averaging about 150 earth-years and don't age like humans besides. And as for uniform, there's certain standards, but each piece of armor seemed unique. You couldn't even tell the tourists apart from the warriors by anything except their stance and their tails, as finding a Saiyan in anything but armor was about as likely as finding a shaved grizzly out in the woods and made them about as uncomfortable.

A fanged mouth and solid grip returned the gestures. "Good to know you, Rabies." He snorted, hoping the name was indicative of things to come. He could tell by the human's uniform he was outranked, but he had heard human society was a bit less stringent with formalities than home was, so he made the conscious choice not to bow or salute. Witloof was hoping to enter this troupe as a member, not a tagalong. "I'm Witloof, stationed here 'just in case.' Exactly what threats to the Vegetan Autocracy are expected from a tourist station on the human side of the boundary, I don't know."

One of the other humans spoke up, a blonde man who could easily have been the face of a boyband if his voice didn't bring to mind rusty nails in a blender. "Maybe you're here to save us against some awful threat like a meteor or invading monster, earning our government's trust and establishing yourselves as a race of altruists!" He guffawed, "A real protection racket!"

Witloof wasn't sure he understood the joke, but all the humans burst out laughing at that, and he decided not to take offense.

"Cuss," Rabies managed to squawk out between breaths, "you gotta warn a freak before you go and say something like that! You're gonna kill us!" It managed to hold its breath long enough to calm down before turning back to Witloof with tears still in its eyes. "That's Jack, although he's got a few less pleasant nicknames too. Don't pay him any mind, that's just how he is. He's an engineer here on the E.S.S. Poetry, and you know how engineers are."

It wiped its face a bit. "Right now we're just looking at the supply chain for this place, but come meet me in my quarters at, say, nine o'clock station time. I eat a late dinner but I aughtta be finished by then. I'll tell you a bit about what, as you put it, we're up to."

Derebak reached into a pocket and pulled out a small pad of paper and pen, writing down its bunk's location. Crew area, of course. Hopefully it wouldn't be too hard to find, Witloof still had a bit of trouble with the way humans organized big spaces and the crew area was doubtless less well-marked than the area meant for the easily-lost masses.

Witloof took the paper and tucked it into the breast of his armor. "You can count on me," he acknowledged. He tried to study the computer screen, but this sort of stuff was never his expertise and it was in a language he barely knew, to boot. He was mid-class, sure, but his parents were low-class so the traditional Saiyan warrior was really all that was open to him.

As the humans yammered on quietly about resources, Witloof took the time to observe them. Saiyans usually came with one hair colour, one eye colour, and a very small range of skin tones. Halfbreeds weren't all that rare in the lower classes, so it wasn't like he'd never seen a blonde or a redhead before, but moving through groups of humans he was always astonished by their differences.

And their physiques! He had heard that back in ancient history, humans had been a hunter race. But he doubted it. How could any species so soft in the body bring down prey? Humans didn't eat nearly as much as Saiyans did, but surely they had to eat something, and, in his opinion, there was no way they could kill enough to fill their bellies with such meagre strength.

Although, as the small group disbanded to go about their tasks for the day, Witloof had to wonder if it had something to do with their reputation for trouble and penchant for surviving it. Was it possible to turn that into a hunting strategy? Did ancient humans cause so much chaos that the beasts around them simply died of it, leaving the humans unharmed?

He was a bit torn- on one hand he wasn't paid to ask big questions. On the other hand, he had already decided to join them- he'd even given his word and partaken of the human hand shake gesture. To his understanding from the cultural training, such an act was not only a statement of friendliness and companionship, it was also how they sealed unbreakable deals.

Maybe they already considered him part of their troupe? Humans formed close bonds incredibly easily, that much he was certain of. He had heard stories of them bonding to things that weren't even alive, but he wasn't sure how that would even work.

As Witloof wandered off to Poetry's dining strip, he started thinking about just who or what he was entrusting his strength to. He hoped Rabies was a good leader.

Well, at least humans knew how to make good food. That counted for something in his books.

[unnursvanablog]

A Virtuous Business / kdrama review

This is a mostly spoiler free review of the kdrama A Virtuous Business.

A Virtuous Business truly feels like an underrated gem amongst all the k-dramas that have come out this year, but it was never really on my radar until I stumbled upon it on Netflix once it started airing, but I was truly enthralled by every single episode and had a great time from start to finish. And it's always wonderful when stories manage to surprise you like that.

There was something just so effortless and charming about the setting and the main characters, but they all seemed to be those moms who would usually never get to be in the lead role in most other stories, but here they got the spotlight. This variety of women who live in this small community inside this small town where nothing really happens. Until it does.

It is wonderful to see how they gradually started to bond and form friendships through their unusual business and the circumstances they face because of it, but also gain a certain sexual liberation and ways to show and express their desires, even if society does not want to admit that women over a certain age can have any sorts of desires.

But it was that aspect of the story that made many kdrama viewers did not notice this drama or pay much attention to it. It's not a romcom, it doesn't have the typical romance or characters, and it certainly did not feature a young heartthrob in the lead role. And the kdrama space, just like our society tends to put men at the center and their roles in the lives of women which is often why romance is such a focal point in our lives. We are all meant to be in love (with men).

There was plenty of fun to be had since the humor was good and with a heartwarming little romance as a side story which fitted a story such as this But the true love story here is the love between these women and how they grow with each other, and the drama seemed to understand that.

One thing this drama did very well was to show how the image and sense of self of these women within the society was often tied to their husbands and children. The men around them shaped their lives and the narrative that not only the story told, but also the people around them did, through the gossip that spread and how the actions of those men sometimes had greater consequences on the woman, which was something that most of them did not think or care about. So many things became a burden for the woman. And she is admired or pitied because of their behavior. Or their lack of a man, even.

The drama may have shied away a bit or hesitate to go all the way with the sex toy storyline, but it does fit the time and the characters who are the main protagonists of the story. And while the business around sexy lingerie and sex toys certainly liberated them to a certain extent, they were still allowed to be a little prudish despite being allowed to express their desires. But the real liberation within the story was their friendship. Because without it, they were quite isolated.

The romance or love within the story was, again, the love between these women and themselves, even though that story also brought out some rekindled emotions and the fun little flings and flirting. All of them got a man in their lives, for better or for worse, in the end. Because no woman in society is complete without a man. And I felt like the drama understood how that is how society sees the purpose of women. The main romance was very slow, which suited the story very well and never took too much time away from the main plot.

My biggest fail mark within the story is the investigation and the lost child-cold case that was a side story there dragged on a bit and sometimes I felt like that part of the story was hardly more than an excuse to give the main male character (and the only man there who was decent) more to do and fill in some dead time. It all came together in the end, which I was sure it would, and it was done in a kind of predictable way, and I'm still not sure if it added anything to the story or if the drama wouldn't have worked perfectly without it, and yet it felt very heartfelt.

Overall, it was a fun, lighthearted and easy watch where the hours flew by and the screenwriters did a good job of cramming all the character development and the slow-burning romance and wonderful friendship and everything else you could want from a drama like this in 12 episodes – but I will continue to insist that it's a little too short for a traditional kdrama storyline and the pacing they're used to having. But neither the character development nor the plot seemed too rushed here and the focus to tell a very funny and heartfelt little story about small town women, their quirky neighbors that make up their community and friendship never truly wavered.

[thisisyourprincipalspeaking]

My other theory was Chris never planned on getting married or having a family, but he knews that at his age with his career, perception is everything and if he never married it would be like (what’s wrong with Chris Evans?) amongst other rumors as to why he’s single, ya know the typical why aren’t you married by whatever age, oh something must be wrong with you, blah blah blah.😑

Plus you add the fear of the pandemic plus the actor strike and who knows what was going through his mind. Scott mentioned Chris was worried about money in some podcast back in 2020. Scott laughed it off like “Umm Chris, I think you’ll be okay”.

But yeah if he never planned on marrying or having a family regardless of him saying whatever he needed to in interviews, or he panicked and thought a pr could lead to better career opportunities, etc I could see him taking this pr stunt to the extreme so he comes off as a husband figure, people can see he’s settled down and once this ends, he no longer has people questioning anything about his love life and lack of settling down and he can move on and do as he pleases in the future.

I also think this was so he could get roles and it seems Hollywood likes men over 40+ who are settled down and what not. Unless you are single and killing it movie wise. Just my thoughts, they probably don’t make sense but my point is I could see the Hollywood business side of things that seem stupid to us. Like just stay single, live life, doesn’t matter if you aren’t married or don’t have kids by a certain age, at least it shouldn’t but I don’t make the demands and bs rules of society or Hollywood so……

i can see this line of thinking. a few additional questions:

why do you think he couldn't go down that kind of career path otherwise? (i have my own thoughts but i'm interested in yours)

in your opinion has this been beneficial in that way thus far? or would he have had the same recent opportunities regardless of his relationship status?

do you feel like there hasn't been enough time for this to show fruit just yet and we will potentially see more later?

[sunsetshifting]

hii! how are u?

so i have a few questions <3

1. I wanna script me and the people in my dr don’t age at all at a certain year but i feel like i have to get specific and explain why it works that way. Do you have any advice / recommendations?

2. Is it true that all the realities are completely separate from one another and none of them are an “original” reality? Because I’d really like for it to be that way since i see it as really cool + comforting :D

3. If i script something like “__ is the exact same in my dr as it is in my cr” would it work? or would it be basing my dr off of my cr rn?

4. do i have to specify anything? like the details of the world and all that

have a great day!! i hope this isn’t too much to answer, i find comfort in your responses and your account in general <3

I'm doing really good!! Thanks for asking^^ :3c

I'm happy to answer any questions you might have, but I'll be chucking 3/4 of them under the cut, just to make it easier to scroll through for people trying to scroll my blog^^

You actually don't have to be specific about why this is, but if you want to, I have a few ideas! First idea is, of course, just scripting that people don't visibly/physically age after a certain point, or if they do, it's delayed by quite a bit (this pairs nicely with scripting extended lifespans^ which is something I do semi-often.) You could also script that visible age is tied to specific milestones (like how it works in Undertale, wherein monsters don't age past a certain point/die unless they have children.) Again, though, you don't actually have to specify why or how people don't age, as it would already be considered totally normal/understandable if you simply scripted in that that was how things already worked. An example of this in action would be similar to how some people script that periods don't exist. Nobody within the DR wonders where they are, or why they don't happen! It's simply the norm.~ .

"Is it true that all the realities are completely separate from one another and none of them are an “original” reality?"

. 2. From my view, yes! All realities, no matter how overlapping or similar, are all disconnected from one another in the sense that there is no 'original' reality amongst them. This isn't to say, however, that you or I are completely detached from these realities. Far from it! Whilst the realities are disconnected from one another, they still occupy the same space as one another. We are just as close to our DRs as we are to our OR/CR.

This one is a little trickier to give an example for, as the concept can be hard to wrap one's head around at first glance. The way a lot of people choose to view DRs is that they are physically or mentally distant from themselves, as if there is some quantifiable distance preventing them from being in direct contact with their DR. This, however, is not the case! Your consciousness is constantly overlapping with other versions of your consciousness across DRs (hence why some people even end up shifting accidentally), so much so that during a shifting attempt, you are typically only seconds away from shifting completely. Often, however, people are held back by their limiting beliefs, or their fears (not to say you can't shift with these, you absolutely can, it's just harder.)

All that to say that yes, all realities are separate, but not all realities are distant from one another.^^

.

"If i script something like “__ is the exact same in my dr as it is in my cr” would it work? or would it be basing my dr off of my cr rn?"

.

3. Yes, scripting like that will work! :) Scripting is not as all-or-nothing as some people might worry that it is. You can totally just take what you like, and leave what you don't!^^

An example is smth I actually scripted today! I scripted that I maintain my distinctive birthmark (on my ankle, looks pretty neat!) across all my DRs/DR selves. I could have a completely different appearance, with a DR utterly unconnected to my OR, but I can still maintain one or two (or however many I wanted, tbh) aspects from my OR/CR!

.

"do i have to specify anything? like the details of the world and all that"

.

4. You can be as vague or as specific as you'd like with your script! Your subconscious will pretty much always fill in the gaps, as it already knows perfectly well where you're intending to go. Even so, if you're worried, you can just script like "everything is like it is in X media" or "everything is how I envision it." Of course, things are liable to be a bit more unexpected/prone to surprising you the more vague you are, but most often not in any major ways.

An example being if you were to script a Stardew Valley DR, and you weren't super specific beyond being in Pelican Town. In all likelihood, everything will still be laid out the same, with the same people, and the same sort of atmosphere. It's not as if you'll accidentally shift to a version where everyone is evil, or where the environment would be hostile.

If there are specific things you'd like to add on, though, that aren't typically part of canon/the reality's normal rules, I do recommend scripting those specifically, just as a precaution! (Example, scripting in a yearly dance at UA or RAD.)

.

You have a great day, too! <33 It was really fun answering all these questions! It really makes me happy that people can take comfort in my account and the answers I try to provide <3 /gen

If you need clarification on anything, don't hesitate to send in a follow-up ask, okay? I'm happy to help in any way that I can!

<3 Happy Shifting! <3

[paper--moons]

Gosh, age regression amongst pro heroes being an open secret in the industry is SUCH an intriguing concepts. Could you do a hc list with baby Hawks? Perhaps he wants a cg but doesn’t know who to ask. The cg can be your pick!

Ah, I'm glad you think this is an interesting concept, dear anon! It just makes the most sense to me that it would be common enough in their line of work that it is an open secret, given that age regression is a coping mechanism and pros tend to have a lot of stress and trauma from the job that doesn't get addressed.

So for this set with Hawks I went ahead and leaned into some of the ideas I have about why that is and how I think the Hero Commission meddles in the lives of heroes even when it comes to something more private and personal like regression. This post also quickly became referred to as "Japan's Next Top Caregiver" in my notes—a sort of Goldilocks situation in which Keigo tries to figure out which cg is just right for him! Which is also why the "winner" may seem a bit unexpected to some people at first, but it is important to keep in mind what the characters' relationships are to one another in-universe and not conflate any personal feelings about the characters and their actions with that. As always however, each character that plays a major role in the post is tagged for (so make sure you are cultivating your own experience, folks!).

Having said that, this one was a lot of fun to write! There were a lot of moving pieces I had going on, and lots of things that I wanted to stuff in while I had the opportunity so hopefully it still reads okay. Typically requests are sent in with a specific cg in mind too, so this one presented an unique opportunity to toy with the idea that maybe the regressor isn't sure yet about who they want as their main cg, or hasn't clicked with the right cg quite yet! We don't always have to be so certain about everything going into a situation, and oftentimes it does take time to figure stuff out through experience and that's only natural. I also think this shows growth and exploration for both sides of the coin as well when both regressor and cg have to work together in order to see if they fit together—relationships of any nature require effort, after all! It's rare that things are perfect right away, and I have always found things that aren't necessarily "perfect" far more compelling and rewarding. And I would say that is the energy I wanted to bring to this one.

Anyhow, the post itself can be read over here. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thanks so much for sending in your request. 🌙

[skylarkalchemist]

I have lupus.

I literally can't eat some days bc of nausea, vomiting, GI upset, and chronic oral ulcers that make my mouth hurt so bad that anything that goes in burns and stings, the pain is such a strong deterrent that I cannot force myself to eat or drink at times.

Any semblance of inflammatory response in any of my organs, joints, or muscles is felt deeply and harshly.

Sometimes my joints feel like I've been shot with an arrow to them, out of the blue. If I'm driving, I have to choose whether I am going to suffer through the pain and bullishly fight the pain until it stops and risk it getting worse or I'm going pull my car over until the pain passes/becomes just bearable enough that it is theoretically safe for me to continue on my drive.

I have to weigh whether I can go in to work some days bc I work in a field where the lives of people's beloved pets are in my hands, and if I cannot focus on monitoring anesthesia bc my pain levels are too high or bc my brain fog is too strong, I risk killing a patient. I also have to weigh whether I can handle doing things with people outside of work, or do things with friends. Sometimes, I don't get a choice in the matter- regardless of my pain levels, exhaustion, illness, I have to be present at certain events that come up, no matter how much i know it will hurt in the moment, and how much it will make my life worse after the fact, and how much I would rather take a rain check than do that to myself, because some people and things are just that important to me.

I have to weigh whether to complete my upper level coursework after work at the risk of fatigue or get much needed sleep and not complete my coursework as I work to get into vet school before I turn 30.

I was recently diagnosed with osteoarthritis in parts of my throacic spine, at age 27, because of the constant onslaught of immune-mediated inflammatory response on my spine thanks to my chronic illness, and am currently being looked into as a possible elusive female gout patient as well, amongst several other concurrent diagnoses I'm being looked at for (with a ridiculously expensive blood test that costs 2k that I had to be poked 18 times over 3 different days within a 10 day period to collect blood for, by the way, because my autoimmune issues cause such extremely low blood pressure and my veins are small, fragile, and roll a ton, to the point the only way to get blood from me is by ultrasonography-guided pokes with butterfly needles in sizes so small that they are typically reserved for NICU patients, by nurses that are typically staffing the NICU).

I have to get bloodwork pretty regularly and have to monitor everything I eat, and especially how much alcohol I put in my body, because if I don't, I risk developing lupus nephritis, aka severe kidney disease with a pretty significant possibility for my kidneys to go into full-on failure.

And I have to deal with constant concurrent mental illness that is exacerbated anytime my physical illness flares up, that makes me feel like I want to die because of the mix of physical pain, exhaustion, and utter frustration at my complete inability to do anything about it except feel overwhelmed, however the logical side of my brain tries to reassure me that I have no control over it and therefore just need to ride it out. Because sometimes, just riding it out is too much to stand, because you just wish you had more control over your health and wellbeing than you actually do.

I have it better than many, yes. But that does not mean I do not have immense struggles that I sometimes need to vent about.

abled people really act like if your illness or disability isn’t terminal then you’re not allowed to complain about it or grieve the life you thought you’d have and it’s so fucked up

[crushsung]

#CRUSHSUNG: ind. original character roleplay blog. written by dillon; twenty-five, they/them, lesbian. triggering themes will be present. mutuals only, minors do not interact.

a study in: fallen angels, gifted child burnout, alter egos, the obsessed artist, desire to be great or nothing, self-destruction, self-mythologizing, reinvention, reclaiming your own narrative.

LINKS: verses. headcanons. playlist. pinterest. interest tracker. OTHER BLOG(S): praybird. nepoboyfriend. visceraldose.

RULES:

triggering content will be present, including but not limited to themes involving past emotional abuse/domestic violence, child neglect/exploitation, implied grooming, and substance use. none of these subjects will be written in graphic detail, but are prevalent in alice's story. i will tag whatever i can, but please use your own discretion if you decide to follow.

i do not have a ton of triggers myself, but i do ask that others please tag images of snails, slugs, and any content involving self harm.

i'm open to writing n.sfw content if we have (heavily) plotted and know each other fairly well, but i'd prefer to keep anything of an explicit nature on disc.ord. sexual content may be implied here and there, but won't be written graphically here.

iconless, mostly. sometimes not. not particular focused on visual aesthetic at the moment; i keep formatting fairly simple, but feel free to do whatever works best for you.

a little bit about me: hi, i'm dillon. aspiring screenwriter, gothic horror enthusiast, would-be hamlet impersonator, best friend of snoopy, and many other things. i've been working on a tv script featuring alice and several other characters for some time now. i have insomnia so i'm often here at odd hours. mutuals are always welcome to bother me, either here or on disc.ord (available on request!)

TEMPORARY BIO:

name. alice hélène brennan. nicknames/alias. known professionally as liddell. allie/ally or liss to select friends and partners. lissy to her mother. gender. cis woman. pronouns. she/her. birthday. august 30. age. verse dependent, 24+ in main. sexuality. bisexual, closeted. a lot of speculation and debate about this amongst the fans and media, many claim that she's dropped 'hints' in her work, but she's never confirmed or denied anything. parents. celine bouchard and owen brennan. siblings. leo brennan and nolan brennan. current location. manhattan, new york.  birthplace. vancouver, british columbia. spoken languages. english (fluent), french (fluent). education. high school graduate. homeschooled from 9th to 12th grade. occupation. former musician. current poet/novelist. later film composer. faceclaim. daisy edgar-jones (main), stacy martin (alt), mackenzie davis (older) voiceclaim. riley keough. eye colour. brown. hair colour. brown. body type. slim build. height. 5'6" scent. bergamot, jasmine, honey, sea breeze, sandalwood. typically wears aegea blossom eau de parfum by aerin. tattoos/piecings. see board. personality. abrasive, distant, passionate, protective, stoic, thoughtful.

everybody knows you. nobody knows you. you don't let them.

they know versions of you - some that you allow, some that they crafted on their own. the child prodigy. a household name before you were in high school. something special, at least for awhile. before things got twisted, before you lost control of the narrative. you didn't really want any of that to begin with, but they insisted. mom and dad. crafty social climbers.

mom and dad. they might be the two people who know you the least. they never really wanted you to begin with, but you were useful. a means to an end. they split up eventually, because of course, nothing like that ever lasts. you often wonder if they ever loved each other. you know for certain that they didn't love you.

dad's got a new family now. you don't talk to them, or him. mom still calls, sometimes she visits. you always feel so guilty whenever she's around.

you don't make music anymore, but your name is still in the headlines. most of it's about your personal life. they always loved that stuff. your first kiss was documented - remember that? it made you feel sick after, how a private moment was taken and made public for everyone to see. you've never had a relationship that wasn't on display.

maybe that's why it didn't work with adam. it never felt like he was just yours or that you were just his. he loved you, or at least you think he did. but you didn't really know how to love him back. you let him go, even though it hurt. because you're a heartbreaker, or so they say.

or maybe it's that you're too damaged to be known. roy did a number on you. you still think about him sometimes, even though it's been years. you see his face everywhere. they play his songs in grocery stores. the worst part of all this, despite all he put you through, is that he might very well be the person who knew you the best. it was four years, after all. (it was longer than four years, but you aren't supposed to say that.) roy said a lot of things that weren't true about you, but some of them were. you were cruel, callous. he made you that way. you don't know how to unmake yourself.

SUMMARY:

alice - better known by her stage name 'liddell' - is a recognizable figure. famous since she was 13, once hailed as a child prodigy, several award winning albums.

has twin half-brothers, 16 years her junior, named leo and nolan on her father's side. doesn't have much of a relationship with them, only sees them on special occasions.

had a relationship with another musician and producer - roy taylor, you might know him too - since she was 18, ended when she was 22. emotionally fraught, sometimes abusive relationship. messy breakup. he had quite a few unflattering things to say about her in the end. the general public sided with him on that. she left the music industry shortly after.

also previously dated adam roswell - frontman of a punk band called blemishes. fans and press gave him the nickname 'nepo boyfriend', due to the supposed 'career boost' that came with being associated with her.

currently writes poetry and fiction. has published a poetry collection titled 'crush songs' - well reviewed, decent sales, but nowhere near the numbers she had as musician. currently working on a novel about the complex relationship between a young woman and her father - semi-autobiographical.

undiagnosed autism. special interests are ... well, as a teenager, she carried around dog-eared paperback copy of hamlet and jeff buckley's album grace on cassette tape everywhere she went. it's that serious. also likes architecture and interior design - specifically hotels. she has a bucket list of places to visit.

primarily smokes hand-rolled cigarettes. picked it up from a pretentious fuck she had a crush on when she was 15. it's pointless, but she just likes it now. will smoke store bought if it's what's available.

INFLUENCES:  beth harmon, the queen's gambit (2020 miniseries). camille preaker, sharp objects (novel and 2018 miniseries). daisy jones, daisy jones and the six (novel and 2023 miniseries). her smell (2018). marianne sheridan, normal people (novel and 2020 miniseries). sally draper, mad men (2007-2015). sydney barrett, legion (2017-2019). the music of jeff buckley. the music of lucy dacus. the public image/media perception of taylor swift.

[chmydarling]

pecuniarypriss:

────────────

{!!} – Brian looked up from his desk and the documents he was managing with a sense of bewilderment consequent to the frankly wild overstatement of his apparently ‘breath-taking’ facial hair. Did he just call him ‘bro’...? Brian had been called many a-thing in his time; tedious, anal-retentive, obsessive-compulsive, but he was fairly certain that in all of his forty-something years, ‘bro’ had never been one of the natural epithets he'd inspired. 

The American colloquial term was a strange and scarcely used equivalent of the more widely-used British term ‘mate’, and to be honest, it made Brian feel a little bit out of his depth with the young man that was speaking to him at that moment in time. Giving rise to sudden middle-aged panic, Brian responded typically nevertheless, smiling politely albeit a little bit awkwardly. ❝Oh…right. Thank you.❞ Suddenly, he was struck with a subtle unease upon the memory of a similar encounter he had shared with the caretaker of one of the local schools, grateful that the boy standing opposite him didn’t appear to be, as far as he could tell, absolutely bat-shit fucking crazy like his similarly ‘stache-enthusiastic predecessor.

The financial advisor stood up from behind his desk, maintaining a strained sort-of smile as he glanced behind the unexpected client through the open doorway and into the hall, wondering if his secretary had even seen the lad come in. ❝I’m terribly sorry, did…did you have an appointment? It’s just that I wasn’t expecting any new clients until ten-thirty. Or is there something else that I can help you with?❞

❛ you, my friend, are welcome. it is truly glorious. ❜

he clutches the lapels of his faithful beat-up coat with purpose. and no, he doesn't need or w a n t a new one, in spite of his dad's derisive comments and pointed looks or his mom's gentle alternate suggestions. it's distressed, you see. a fashion statement. it's not perfect, it's not shiny or new...

and he kind of likes that.

it's the same one he's had for years now, the one that mom had urged him to get, because he'd look so handsome and so cool in it. like some singer, like a s o m e b o d y, off an album cover or something.

he surveys his surroundings with a comfortable curiosity, very much at ease despite the unfamiliar professional environment he's found himself in today. after all, he is a man (well, maybe not quite a man... yet!) on a mission.

❛ i'm sorta a walk-in guy... a free spirit, if you will. is that cool? i can totally wait around, too, if not. i've got, like, a million and ten games on this bad boy right here. ❜

it's the latest iPhone. of course. bought and paid for by the Bank of Mother and (begrudgingly) Father. not that he deserves it. but, they wouldn't see their darling son go without, would they? i mean, what would the other students think? although dad might...

his stomach twists suddenly as he's hit with a surge of guilt. dad has never really looked at him the same since. not since he almost single-handedly destroyed their perfect little family. father and son spend even less time together now than they did before, if that's possible.

in short, he fucked up. this time, on a monumental scale.

but it was nothing that being shipped off to boarding school wouldn't fix. right? some confidence-shattering teachers and light bullying would help him build character. besides, he would ironically find some of the best company and people amongst other 'troubled youths'. he would b e l o n g there.

now, though, he would be the perfect, model son. the kind that doesn't fuck everything or a n y t h i n g up. he owes it to them.

❛ right now, i'm totally hooked on Scrabble. but you can't beat the classics; i'm a Subway Surfers kind of guy myself. you know? ❜

[vintageseawitch]

i don't think i will ever recover from the fact that eddie boi disabled bella's truck so she couldn't drive to see jacob because what if she needed it for emergency reasons not related to this?????

i know it's not the worst thing that anyone could do (not that this is a contest, mind). i can't decide if it's the worst thing eddie boi has done throughout the series... but you know what? maybe it could just be another red flag to add to the list of red flags he demonstrated throughout this outrageous franchise. like, it makes me angry how forgiving bella is towards him esp when he does shit like this. i get that bella has her own set of problems, low self-esteem amongst them (on top of problematic shit she does but that's not the point of this specific post). obvs her mind & experiences & age aren't the same as mine but like... glob, i like quite a bit of this franchise & while i like eddie being angry on bella's behalf when she was sa'd by jacob, that doesn't excuse his emotional abusive tendencies (plus i get angry - esp when reminded of the exact circumstances of the "kiss" in the book - thank you fellow rattie in the TSP group on fb for the reminder because it seems like my brain doesn't want to remember the exact details of that disgusting scene despite having read the books again recently - that bella accepts jacob's graduation "gift" & fucking WEARS IT PROUDLY BECAUSE HE'S HER BFF WTF THEY ALL NEED THERAPY).

like, this is personal. if in 1918 eddie was 17 then that means he was born almost 40 years before my paternal grandfather. i never knew my grandpa as anything other than a kind, gentle man. even though i knew he did some not-so-great things (TW PLEASE BE MINDFUL... he was never a predator if you catch my drift, but he also wasn't perfect even if his behavior towards my paternal grandmother - whom i sadly wasn't able to meet due to her passing from illness before i was born - was typical of the times. not that it excuses anyone from this behavior but i hope you understand where i'm coming from), he also had the capacity to LEARN. my uncle told me about a conversation he had with him when my uncle was in his later 20s regarding a personal matter & long story short my grandpa did a whole fucking 180° turn. a little before i was born my grandfather became the gentle, caring man i knew throughout my adolescence & eventual early(ish) adulthood up until his passing 5 years ago. i don't hate him for what he was because he had the fucking strength to completely change his behavior. like, i think he would be HORRIFIED if he ever learned of his kids & grandkids doing certain things - especially things he once did.

(i'm all over the place with my posts like this but that's just how my brain is & editing is just not what we do here lmao so if you're still here i appreciate it)

basically, one of things my grandpa did back in the day was disable my grandma's car (this post isn't for me to hate on my grandpa fyi; it's to emphasize the immense strength he had to change this problematic way of being that so many of his generation absolutely refused to do) in order for her to not hang out with her bff (whom was a woman & no one has ever talked about the possibility that my grandma swung in that direction again if you catch my drift lol (like, no one has ever suggested that she was suspected of cheating or anything, ya know? my grandpa simply didn't like her bff which makes it weirder since he married that bff a few years after my grandma passed because apparently that's what "looking out for each other" meant but again, not the point of this post lol) - btw i identify as bi & i will be forever sad that i wasn't able to come out to my grandma (she was extremely catholic but she sounded so nice & i feel like she would have been a safe person to talk to??? 🥺) let alone find out if she swung that way too lmao). like, this makes me so fucking ANGRY on my grandma's behalf, & it's not just because of how personal it is, but because of how COMMON it is, & not just from men (or people since men aren't the only ones capable of such abusive tendencies obvs but seeing as how most are men... yeah). i truly don't want to victim blame & i can't blame bella for her response since she doesn't seem to realize certain things she's become accustomed to are actually problematic & abusive but also WTFFFFF i LOOOOOATHE that she kept her damn window open despite her being justifiably angry at her boundary-smashing bf.

so basically TL;DR lol: it was fucking disgusting that eddie boi disabled bella's truck & it was fucking disgusting that smeyers wrote her as being so lacking in backbone that she forgave him IMMEDIATELY. i HATE that i sound like I'm victim-blaming here because smeyers made sure to write bella in that way ekbfijdrhjrjekd it's fuckingn GROSS. i don't WANT to victim-blame & i also don't want bella to be with someone with not just despicable tendencies but also the LACK of being able to change, grow, & become a better person (like my grandpa was able to do!!! despite the generation he was from!!!!!!! maybe i'm biased but those kinda stories aren't exactly common ya know?????) EVEN ON HER BEHALF.

can you imagine how he'd be if bella remained human????? great fucking Balrog of the Mines of Moria nothing like seeing smeyers continue to have eddie boi display disturbing stalker tendencies because tRuE lOvE gtfo lol

ps i loved my grandpa & am proud of the steps he took to become a better person. i just wanted to emphasize how very personal this all is to me why i obsess over it. this is not the first time i say this nor will it be the last - i basically like almost everything else that's happening OUTSIDE of the main "love triangle" since i don't like how smeyers wrote bella or edward or jacob (post bella "totally not unaliving herself per alice's vision" ofc since he was actually tolerable before this) & felt like sharing this & i wanted to vent & i don't feel comfortable doing this elsewhere. okay thxbyeeee~

[circular-bircular]

Here’s my thoughts!

Disconnect from real life: Agreed. So many people in these servers are not touching grass. So many are stuck entirely just in conversations amongst similarly traumatized people, which isn’t helping them at all. It’s great to be able to bounce ideas off each other, but often it’s groups of people triggering each other left and right.

Misinformation: Strongly agreed. So many CDD spaces don’t… actually know anything about CDDs beyond their own experiences (and plural specific spaces are worse). So many people haven’t don’t any legwork by doing research. I feel self conscious sometimes because I also haven’t dug as much into research as I’d like, but I realize more and more that I’ve done quite a bit more than some others out there.

Treating DID like it’s fun: This is where I start to disagree. I used to treat my disorder with the severity I felt it deserved. It took so much from me. But… I cannot imagine being that way now, especially after making a lot of headway on recovery in recent years. I need to be able to have some fun with it. There’s a fantastic quote I love from a series I loved as a child: “I’ve looked at the world for quite a few years now and I’ve found that, if I don’t laugh, I’ll probably end up crying.” Is there really anything wrong with having fun with it? Shouldn’t people with DID be allowed to experience some joy? I agree that there is a lot of focus on enjoying your system and loving your system, to a detrimental degree — people should discuss the hard times more — but I also think there needs to be a balance of the two.

Children: Strongly disagree. I also love that this is the only point so far that even mentions endogenic systems. Anyways. Children 10-14 can still have DID. It develops from trauma seemingly from before 9 years old. A 14 year old could easily develop parts in that time. I personally know of someone who was diagnosed by medical professionals with a CDD at age 14, due to the circumstances of his life. It’s entirely possible to happen. Furthermore, given the advent of the internet, children are learning about abuse and diagnosis criteria far earlier than ever before. It’s not without reason for a child to learn about their disorder earlier than the research typically indicates. (Also: the “personality is still developing until 25” was not only a misinterpretation of “your brain is still developing until you’re 25,” but it’s also a completely arbitrary number due to the upward age of those included in an fMEI study. The thing that seemed to be “finished developing” was the frontal lobe. Modern science has completely debunked this claim, stating that the brain never stops developing.)

(Side note on the above one: are children in CDD spaces an issue? Yes! Just not for the reason you described here.)

Microlabels: Agree and disagree I suppose. Agree because, yes, if you don't label yourself as specific things, you can get hounded in certain spaces. But largely, I have seen this trend dip off. And... well. Disagree because, what is it my business? If someone else wants to label themselves to the high heavens, more power to them. I'll mention how forcing labels onto myself hurt me, but if they're certain it's awesome for them, then I'm happy for them. It isn't any skin off my back. (And fully agreed that "reclaiming terms" from endogenic systems is stupid, but not because of the type of label -- moreso that you can't.... reclaim that. That's not what reclaiming means.)

Sexualizing: ...??? I'm so confused by this. Are there really people out there saying shit like, "Mmm... Caretakers are so sexy. I love me a good Gatekeeper." If so, that's fucked up. People will absolutely stereotype these roles (and that does make some sense -- many do follow similar trends, enough that the role label got made in the first place) and genuinely, as long as they're open to other "types" of those roles existing, that's fine. But if this is just about people... enjoying sex... I mean. Okay? That's allowed. That's always been allowed.

Thanks for providing actual discussion topics to the syscourse tag.

I'm really starting to dislike the plural community/ies* online and I'll explain why.

*this is mostly based on DID/OSDD discord servers rather than Tumblr however some of these points still apply.

I do apologise for sounding like a cranky old lady going off about 'back in my day' but this has been bugging me

Mass disconnect from real life experiences; a lot of things I see on DID groups scream of spending far too much time online with very little outside interaction.

Misinformation and inability to read, research and explore the connotations of your own disorder/the disorder claimed.

Treating a SEVERE TRAUMA DISORDER like a "fun lil quirk." No. This is not like that "which disney princess am I?" personality quiz, this is a legitimate, detrimental disorder, disrupts every day life and that can and does kill. People pick up on the 'fun' things of plurality like 'having friends in your head' but avoid the nasty parts like suicidal alters, or they treat it as a convenient excuse to get out of taking responsibility for their actions.

Children claiming to be DID systems. I'm talking 10-14 year olds. If you're under the age of 25, your personality is still developing. you're going to be confused whether or not you have a disorder. Trust me, please, you will regret claiming to be an endogenic system when you're older. I can almost guarantee it. You'll look back and cringe and ask yourself why you claimed that as a young teen (unless you got a DID/OSDD diagnosis later).. I did shit as a young teen I cringe at constantly. Heck, I happily claimed a whole ton of problematic MOGAI labels (no, I am not proud...) with very little regard for their validity outside little corners of the internet

Push for use of microlabels (and god forbid you choose not to). And reclaiming "endogenic" terms. Do.. we really need a name for an alter based on a song...? I don't think so and I'm yet to see something that changes my mind.

Sexualising of specific alter types and systems in general.

I'm open to discussion (polite discussion) and additions :)