#but it's difficult to really know because you can't swap minds with someone

[spaghett-onaplate]

i don't think i really get angry, maybe a bit annoyed sometimes, but mostly i just get sad instead. i had a long conversation with my friend about how our minds work and also became conscious of how quiet my mind is. kind of numb. idk it used to be loud but i think that could just have been being a kid

[kedreeva]

Okay so, I don't think I've spoken of the saga here yet but! Gather round. I shall tell you a long story about the bird I just acquired and why she is VERY IMPORTANT.

At the beginning of last fall, I started looking into quail genetics a little more, because I got tired of not being able to sex my Celadon quail by their feathers. Originally I thought I could kill 2 birds (ok maybe more) with 1 stone and order nice jumbo wild type (which MANY places advertised as wild type jumbo) hatching eggs, and this would help me put some size on the Celadons (jumbo) while also making them feather sexable (wild type). Perfect!

But then I come to find out that pretty much all jumbo lines are jumbo BROWNS, as in they all have the sex linked brown (SLB) gene. So, I was a little confused and a LOT annoyed because I wanted to work specifically with the wild type color/pattern. No mutations just straight, plain wild type.

And EVERYWHERE I looked - major production hatcheries, private breeders through websites, Facebook groups, local swaps, craigslist, e v e r y w h e r e -

People ONLY had SLB.

This spring I came across a video showing about the differences between SLB and wild type and I figured if the person who made it can tell, maybe she will have some. So I looked her up (not in a stalker way, her farm name was stamped on the video and took me to the website), and what luck! She was in Michigan! Upper Michigan, so still a hike, but not California, y'know?

So I shot her an email and explained that I was looking for WT and that her site said she bred them and that people could do local pickup. She responded yeah she's totally got a bunch! And I said great, I'm also in Michigan, albeit far away, but I don't mind driving 7+ hours each way, because I really need actual, trusted WT for sure birds for my celadon project, can I come pick them up?

Cue the most frankly bizarre email chain in my short life. As soon as I mentioned that I was going to drive, or perhaps that I had a genetics plan in place, she got super sketchy and started saying how she hadn't really paid as close attention to SLB vs. WT, that it mattered less than she thought it would when she started, that I shouldn't focus on that either, and also that "fawn celadon is practically unheard of" in the hobby and "you should focus on a clean Tibetan because it's hard to find without roux in it) implying that I should concentrate on those things instead. And concluded by telling me if I really want WT, to contact this other person (why happens to be someone I can't stand). It all sounded VERY much like she didn't have wild type males, after all, and had thought I didn't know the difference so it wouldn't actually matter. But, it does. It actually matters a lot to me.

So I messaged back to say, well, I don't want to do any of those things, I specifically want to work with this set of genetics and you said you have them so I shouldn't have to go to anyone else??

And then she went radio silent for a week. I kind of figured I'd called a bluff, and that she was one of dozens of people I'd contacted who'd said they had WT only to find out they had SLB. I get that it's difficult to see the difference, but this particular person was the president of the American Coturnix Breeders Association or whatever (found out it's actually just a club formed by her and her friends a year ago, so not as impressive as it sounds, considering they don't actually DO anything- no putting on shows, no newsletters, no certifications, no public breeder directory, no finished SOP, nada), so I kind of expected she should know what she's talking about, if anyone does.

Eventually, after a week, she responded that she had been judging at a county fair, but she had a few heterozygous males (WT het roux, which is fine) and she could set a hatch for me for more if I wanted to come at the end of the month, but she's in WI now, not MI. I said sure, since where she was in WI was actually closer than where she'd been in the UP, and we arranged date/time.

The day of, my neighbor friend, Jude, comes with me for company/keeping me awake through the 15 hours driving round trip. It's a pleasant enough drive. We arrived at a cutesy little house on the edge of town that looks like anyone's house in a neighborhood, with a spacious lawn. The person meets us and takes me around the side of the house to a 6x6x1.5 or so chicken tractor, where she's got some male coturnix. She pulls the available males for me to look through and... fam, they ALL looked SLB, to me.

Now, she swore to me up and down that they couldn't be anything except WT het for roux, because of the way she is breeding them. But I've put these birds next to my SLB males and if I didn't have my males banded, I would not ever have told the difference between them. I still picked up 4 of them, because I will give it a go- worst case, I can produce plain Roux hens/plain Roux males for use in breeding later, best case they do actually produce WT hens and they just LOOK SLB and I have to figure out what the differences are. I don't want to leave without seeing her hens, which she has told me are all WT (which is why the males HAVE to be het for it), and she takes me back. Now the hens, the hens are easy to see the difference. White bellies first of all, but the chest feathers are also wildly different! The shafts are white, the dot around the shaft is dark, ringed in red, ringed in white. On an SLB, the shafts aren't white, it's just a black dot surrounded in a red feather, and the belly is all red/buff/cream, not white.

This is what an SLB hen looks like:

So I take a nice long look to memorize the color, and thank her for showing me and meeting, and we head back home.

I do fecals when I get home because all of the males are VERY thin, no meat on them at all, and since she said she'd been feeding Purina (garbage for fowl feeds), I figured that was why, but no- HUGE coccidia loads in all of them. So I treated them and got them on a better feed. They immediately began putting on meat, and they're find now.

The rest of this summer, I have spent going to local bird swaps and inspecting all of the quail I could find, hoping to find one (1) actual wild-type phenotype bird. Hundreds and hundreds of birds, I have pawed through them all, being super obnoxious to the owners I'm sure, holding and inspecting males. I found ONE suspected WT male (and this is a HUGE "suspected," he could very well be SLB with low red expression). I compared him when I got home and I'm doubting myself still, so I don't know if I will ever actually pair him with the SLB hens or if I'll just wait til I have a roux set.

Regardless, it's been a dry season for getting what I want. It's been a dry YEAR. Yesterday was another swap and more hundreds of quail and me pawing through all of them.

Until.

My eyes landed upon.... her.

If you've only lived in an area that has american crows and not ravens, you find yourself wondering if crows are ravens. You see a big crow and you think wow! maybe that is a raven! It could be a crow, but it's seems bigger so maybe it's a raven. But, if you take a trip to a place with ravens, and you see one for the first time, you realize that there is no question, when you see a raven. When you see a raven in person, there's no question and not only is there no question, you wonder how you could ever have thought a crow was a raven. It's laughable, while looking at the raven.

That's how finding this bird felt. I'd been picking up every SLB hen and going maybe this is actually WT? It could be SLB but maybe it's WT? But the second I laid eyes on her in the middle of a pack of SLB with some mixed colors, I knew I was looking at WT hen, and I can't imagine how I ever thought maybe an SLB hen was WT.

Here's a better photo of her chest and belly (she's beat UP from her previous home, the back of her head and most of her rump are plucked clean from males). You can see the white shafts and the white belly.

And some other pics of her, showing the grey-brown on her side and back- VERY different than the SLB hens

I can't express how stoked I am about this bird. This is the first time after a LOT of effort and time, that I have felt confident I am holding the bird I want.

She's also the indicator that I have a LOT of work ahead of me.

My end goal is to have birds that look like her, weigh 12-14oz, and lay large, blue eggs. I have birds that lay large, blue eggs, I have birds that weigh 12-14oz live weigh, and now I have at least 1 bird that looks like her, which means I can make more that look like her. The first step is cleaning the color mutations out of the celadon line without losing the celadon eggs. This is going to be a bit of a nightmare, BUT, I have a friend helping me out with getting a few celadons that are either WT or SLB (I'm guessing SLB all things considered) to start the work with. I will work over the winter to get a few more actual WT birds here, and to start crossing out the celadons with the SLB jumbos to clean out the other feather color mutations. Once I'm down to just SLB and celadon for mutations, I can clean the SLB out with the WT and roux lines.

This project will likely take me a good 2 years, maybe 3, to complete and then test breed to ensure I haven't lost the celadon gene and I don't have any hidden recessives lingering about. But just having the fucking materials to do it all on hand now is a huge step forward from where I was when I decided to start the project.

[kaisaniku]

I finally finished the second chapter of this doodle comic!

Basically from a translation machine:

It's called notes, but it's really bullshit time:

(I didn't put any asterisks in the "text" in order to make the picture cleaner and not make this little comic seem too serious)

①WX says that their body "doesn't have any of those really advanced things" and that "the concept is just bionic", which might make you wonder how WX can agree with their own shortcomings when they are always been so confident in their own machine body. This is kind of a guess: WX's comments in the wiki about Wagstaff being "afraid of progress" and "short-sighted", combined with WX's usual machine-worshiping and violent tendencies, such as their comments about Maxwell "He has that kind of power but he doesn't go out and destroy human". So it's an offense to them, but they actually agree that even though they claim to be superior, I guess WX would like to see their bodies more advanced and even more radical.

② Yes, this WX has acceleration circuits installed.

③ Gnome get✓ Do you guys remember the line where WX checks the Gnome

④ "You're not as kind as you look", how should I put this one, because the Wilson I understand is more or less with a little bit of darkness in his mind, he's someone who is full of emotions but often restrains them with reason, he fears and hates the negative impulses and instincts within himself. And this trait I think probably comes from his good nature, his education and survival experiences and the influence of the Shadow Throne. (But honestly after suffering in CONSTANT for so long, it's normal for whoever it is to be a little psychologically unhinged, not to mention the SANITY setting.) And after WX's soulwalking, they easily have some "psychic empathy" with Wilson... ...... Well, how did that happen Wilson?

⑤ Well I know the reasoning of the empathy module episode is weird ...... In fact, it's mainly because when I drew this plot I didn't have a good understanding of the empathy module, and simply thought of it as something like "emotional deficiency", so this episode was supposed to be Wilson saying "why do I still feel emotional ups and downs blabla" and then WX explaining that it's because of "memories of emotional experiences", which would have made a lot more sense.

⑥I guess it's my own personal setting: although the game doesn't make a distinction, I don't think WX as a robot would have a "headache and blurred vision due to lack of sanity". The system will be affected, sure, but the physiology won't necessarily feel it. It's hard to go from luxury to frugality, and since there is no experience in the eternal realm in the human era, WX can't adapt to the negative impacts of sanity reduction at all.

⑦Wilson's curiosity and desire to explore and then equipped with WX's hardware strength is simply ON FIRE. and "adapting to the human body so quickly" this conclusion mainly comes from the last chapter when the two people just transformed the body, Wilson's side is very difficult, while the WX on the contrary, it seems to be very easy. Even when they suddenly possessed internal organs, blood, light weight and so on, there was no adverse reaction. Wilson, who loves to observe, has always had suspicions (sorry however I didn't draw this clue out)

⑧ on the one hand, just learned a shocking secret, excited and energetic Wilson, on the other hand is the history of the exposure, and is also experiencing unprecedented headache WX. so the two temperament is not quite the same as usual.

⑨ "Wiped of most of their human memories" from the game's credits: "Suddenly recalling the memories of his past life, WX-78 soon decides to change his fate on his own."

⑩ Those of you who have fought Shadow creatures online might know that the only way a teammate's Shadow creature will have hatred for you is if you've forcibly attacked them. What happened here is that WX forced an attack on Wilson's Shadow Creature (except that Wilson was still relying on his headache of empirical judgment and didn't realize that his SANITY was too low), and then WX's own shadow creatures that were looming all showed up as well, which is why it became so much more. I don't have a very comprehensive understanding of this mechanic online though, and it doesn't seem to be very rigorous, so that's probably what it is anyway.

I accidentally added a lot more, mainly because of the limited ability to express the drawing ... Hope you enjoy!

[sitp-recs]

Hello again! Thank you for your recommendations, I really liked several of them.

I wanted to tell you that I recently read Away Childish Things by Lettered and I loved it. This left me wondering, do you know of other drarrys who talk about the mistreatment Harry suffered under the Dursleys? I think it's very interesting to see the consequences of childhood abuse growing up and how someone (Draco in this case) can help heal that.

Hello friend! Happy to hear you’ve enjoyed the recs. Ahh yes, ACT is so uniquely cathartic - I still remember the awe I felt reading it for the first time, the emotional depth and character development are top notch. I can think of a few fics touching on Harry’s abusive childhood:

Timeshare by astolat (M, 14k)

“It’s not for long,” Hermione said. “By the time we get back to Hogwarts, the Unfettering Brew will be ready.”“Listen to you!” Ron said. “He’s got to get through a month with the Dursleys and a month at Malfoy Manor. With Draco Malfoy.”

Conquering the Dark by noeon (E, 24k)

Harry's a Healer specialising in the care of children, Draco Malfoy's an expert in neuromagic at St Mungo's. A difficult case forces them to work together and, in the process, unearths some of the trauma of the past, as well as the chance for healing in the present.

The Elusive Mate by 0idontknow0 (E, 26k)

Harry had done it (a) to save lives and (b) because the idea of him being Malfoy’s mate was clearly ridiculous, but now he had to tell Malfoy.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t.

A Piercing Comfort by talithan (T, 44k)

When Harry Potter hits the lowest point of his life so far, it is not his friends who keep him honest. With Draco Malfoy's patience and guidance, Harry learns to stand on his own. The thing is, after the fact—he's no longer sure he wants to.

Tea and No Sympathy by who_la_hoop (E, 70k)

It's Potter's fault, of course, that Draco finds himself trapped in the same twenty-four-hour period, repeating itself over and over again. It's been nearly a year since the unpleasant business at Hogwarts, and Draco's getting on with his life quite nicely, thank you, until Harry sodding Potter steps in and ruins it all, just like always.

Harry Potter and the elusive day off by pleasebekidding (E, 71k)

Auror Potter needs a fucking break. He is wiped. He is exhausted. He probably didn't intend to put himself into a magical coma but these things happen. And who cares, really? He is comfortable in a house where he has hidden away all the shit he can't deal with.

The Ordeal of Being Known by @lou-isfake (M, 146k)

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA For Not Budging On A Potentially Unconventional Need?

I (M20+) have BPD and Autism, and when I was younger, they'd both team up to cause me a lot of struggle.

One of the biggest things I used to do was self isolate when I was upset or worried, and just sit around after throwing out some red flags, hoping someone would read my mind and ask me if I was alright.

OBVIOUSLY THAT WASN'T VERY HEALTHY, neither for myself or for others. I definitely think that was an "ESH" time period.

So now that I'm older, in therapy, taking meds, and generally doing better and am a lot happier, I put clear communication as my #1 priority in all of my relationships.

I don't phrase anything in a way that sounds confrontational, I don't tell people what they can or can't do, who they can or can't talk with, don't get jealous too easily, etc. I only ask for honesty, compromise, and mutual respect for boundaries.

I really thought I was doing well for myself by swapping "I won't communicate at all" out for "I need to communicate often"

But one thing that I just can't seem to stop is the paranoia when it comes to people I'm particularly close and very vulnerable with; I'll notice certain changes in their demeanor and worry it's because I've done something wrong, or that they don't like me as much anymore. Sometimes I CAN brush it off and wait it out until I'm inadvertently proven otherwise.

But if it's not going away, and I'm worried it's just getting worse, I need to just ask for their honest thoughts and get it over with. If for some reason they were actually upset, my intention would NOT be to double down or lash out. I just DON'T want to be strung along by a lie, as has happened!

This isn't really that common of an occurrence either. Maybe every few weeks during particularly hard periods.

I don't feel this way about people I'm not very close to, and people who do manage to get very close to me know this about me; I keep no secrets about my mental health and try to be extremely upfront. A lot of people will say at first that they understand, but over time, I'll eventually get that flack and heartache from them, saying that it's just too exhausting for them. At best, I'm kinda teased for it. It's made me feel like I haven't made as much progress in my recovery as I thought I had, which sucks.

It's not me starting arguments or fights, or accusing them of anything. Just me saying "Hey, I've been feeling a little paranoia lately, is everything okay between us? Is there anything we should talk about?" or something like that.

I'm really conflicted about it.

On one hand, I feel like if things are okay, it shouldn't be difficult or tiring to say "Nope, everything's alright, dw!" If you still like me in a certain way, why would it be tiring to just say so? It takes maybe five seconds to type/say. The only way I can see it being tiring is if they were just telling me white lies about how they felt, and had to maintain the act.

On the other hand, I know BPD isn't without its delusions, and that Autism isn't without its "misunderstanding of social norms". I know I'm likely to see things differently from others. I know it's not exactly EASY to love someone like me. Maybe it IS too much of a demand, and I've just convinced myself it's not?

This IS something I'm trying to work through in therapy regardless, but I just worry that it isn't a symptom that will ever fully go away, and instead it needs to be worked with.

Am I the asshole for standing by that, at LEAST for now? Is it fair? Or is that too much of a need for people to reasonably accommodate? Am I just not trying hard enough to be better?

If I ever got particularly close to someone again, would I be an asshole for again insisting that if I need reassurance to dismiss an oncoming spiral, they should be able to meet that need instead of asking that I keep the paranoia to myself and just deal with it on my own? Which may or may not work, or even make things worse.

I know it can make people feel like I don't trust them. That much I do understand! But I've tried telling them that it's not that I don't trust or respect them, I don't trust or respect myself. I dunno if that makes sense to anyone without BPD, though.

This is both a "Was I the asshole?" and a "Would I be the asshole?" ask I guess, lol

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Kei Fear Not Reward 5* Card Story

Chapter 1

-rehearsal room-

yakou: Kei, do you have a moment? I want to know why the standard members for our new show are the same as ‘During the demise’.

kei:  Are you unsatisfied with not having a role?

yakou: …Yes. Last time we did a revival performance of ‘During the demise’ I was double casted. You explained that the standard members of 'existing works’ would not be changed however this is a completely new show. There is no existing lineup. I’d like you to consider me for the role of Ortrud.

kei: Yoshino is playing Ortrud. I determined that that would be best for this production.

yakou: ……

gui: Are you ok, Yakou?

yakou: Sorry, Gui. I’m fine, it just hasn't sunk in yet.

-yoshino appears-

yoshino: Sorry I’m late.

yakou: (glaring at yoshino)

yoshino: Hm? What is it?

yakou: Nothing.

gui: Yakou told Kei that he wants to play Ortrud.

yakou: Gui!

yoshino: Were you talking about the standard members? I’m not surprised you’d want the role, however I have no intentions to give it up. Sorry.

yakou: I never said you had to give it up. I just can't accept this.

yoshino: Accept? What, you can't accept that I was given a role instead of you? That's not a very nice way to put it.

yakou: That's not what I meant…

gui: Don't fight.

yoshino: We’re not.

gui: But you're both upset. That's how it looks to me.

yoshino: I got a little heated, sorry, Yakou.

yakou: Me too… Sorry.

kei: Have things been settled? Then, get into your positions, let's take it from the top.

–end

-

Chapter 2

starless hallway-

ginsei: Hm? Someone's here already.

-peeking into rehearsal room- 

sotetsu: It's Kei.

ginsei: …He sure is concentrating deeply.

sotetsu: What’re you doing? Let's go in already.

ginsei: I wouldn't want to interrupt him. We should wait until he stops for a break..

sotetsu: It's fine. He’s definitely heard us by now anyways.

-ginsei and sotetsu walk into the room-

kei: ……….

sotetsu: Now that you mention it, isn't it kinda rare to see Kei practicing this seriously?

ginsei: Our schedule is also more focused on individual lessons rather than team ones. I wonder if this show has been difficult for Kei as well.

sotetsu: It's not like the show's overall difficulty level is that high though. 

ginsei: Not on a technical level, no. But facing the roles is what’s hard. I know it’s a script that was written with the actors in mind, but even then it suits our situation a little too well. Having to show your true feelings like this is tough.

sotetsu: Oh?

ginsei: For me, the scene where the king tries to take back his kingdom only to be imprisoned is really tough. It reminds me of when I’d hit a wall with my directing…

Say, who do you think it was that wrote this script? There's no way someone could write this unless they knew our current selves really well.

sotetsu: Wasn't it Aki-san and Haru-san? Remember they sent us a new work for our 4th anniversary too?

ginsei: No, the style is similar to Akito-san’s but something’s off. Not to mention, Kei has said before that Team K won't use productions that are made by the Miki-san’s.

sotetsu: I can always trust your script sensor, Ginsei. Your accuracy every time is a huge help.

ginsei: Excuse me? Are you making fun of me?

sotetsu: I’m complimenting you. When it comes to this sort of thing your opinion is always reliable.

–end

-

Chapter 3

-break room-

gui: Saki, Yoshino. Have you seen Yakou?

yoshino: Nope, I haven't seen him yet.

saki: I haven't seen him either. Is something the matter?

gui: I told Yakou I’d practice with him. He’s been practicing all of our roles.

yoshino: Is that so? Yakou’s really amazing to be able to do that sort of thing.

gui: Um, Saki… Yakou said that he wants to stand on the stage. So should I swap positions with Yakou?

saki: Huh? Are you saying you’ll step down from the stage in this show for Yakou-san?

yoshino: What makes you say that, Gui?

gui: Because Yakou is our number 3 and I’m number 5. So.

yoshino: If that's what Yakou requested then… I still don't like the idea though.

gui: He didn't tell me to do it. I was just thinking that Yakou’s position is higher than mine.

saki: Is giving up your position what you want to do, Gui-san?

gui: I… I want to stand on the stage.

yoshino: Then don't back down. That is your position.

gui: I see… This ‘doing what I want’ thing is complicated.

saki: Practice makes perfect. I hope what it is that you want to do will take shape, Gui-san.

yoshino: Before that we have to get to rehearsals though.

-rehearsal room-

yoshino: Oh, Yakou. You're already here.

yakou: Yeah, I figured I’d start early. Ah, sorry, was Gui waiting for me?

saki: We met with him in the break room. He told us that you’ve memorised everyone's parts.

yoshino: That was Kei’s part you were practicing now, wasn't it? It's great, you've really captured it.

yakou: Not yet, I still feel like I’m just going through the motions.

gui: Yakou, your performance smells like Kei.

yakou: Huh? What's that supposed to mean? I don't think it's a compliment either way. Well whatever, join me for this scene, Gui. My balance isn't very good on my own.

gui: Ok.

-gui and yakou walk off-

yoshino: ……..

saki: What's wrong, Yoshino-san?

yoshino: Oh, no it's nothing. It just feels as though we've returned to right after our renewal. Back when Team K had just been formed and we all weren't used to working together yet.

Maybe it's because of all the individual rehearsals… I wonder what Kei’s thinking. I’m taking to the stage as a performer and not a singer too.

saki: I’m sure there's a reason for it.

yoshino: Yeah, I think so too. And I’m the only one who can find the answer. Plus, not everything is the same as it was back then. Because compared to then, I now have so many precious things that you've taught me.

–end

-

Chapter 4

-starless lobby-

saki: (Ah, it’s Kei-san. But his expression, he looks kind of… down?)

kei: Thank you for coming, Saki. We’ve made it to the closing show, I hope that you’ll enjoy it. Allow me to escort you to your seat. Come this way.

-starless restaurant area-

saki: (He was wearing a gloomy expression before but he seems fine now…)

saki: Um, Kei-san, are you feeling ok?

kei: Does it look like I’m unwell? I wouldn’t want to cause you any worry, but the cause is likely the fact I did not get to see you as often throughout the duration of this show.

saki: Huh?

kei: In order to make this show what it is I needed to reevaluate myself and reaffirm who I am. The strength and determination that is needed to protect what I must— I needed to face myself in order to find it. 

-kei kneels and kisses the back of saki’s hand-

kei: Though, to me, you are the one and only thing that I must protect.

saki: W-wait a moment Kei-san, what are you doing…!

kei: Did I get too close to you? My apologies.

-kei steps back-

kei: Seeing you here tonight caused my heart to grow impatient. Despite not being on the stage yet it’s as if I allowed my role’s feelings to seep into me.

The Kei that stands before you right now is not a team leader, but instead a single performer. Each and every member of Team K will stand before you as individual performers. So, I will try my hardest in order to be the one that you deem to be the most impressive.

Though it may be far from perfection, I will still try to get as close to it as possible. I’ll put on a performance so great that it will dispel any worries you had earlier. As well as allow this nameless and foolish knight to be pardoned by his precious Princess. Until the day that you decide to part with me, everything that I am belongs to you.

—Please enjoy the show.

-stage-

-bloomed cg

kei: “Princess��� You must not ask me a thing. You mustn’t even think that you wish to know. Where I came from, my lineage, even my name, you must not know.”

“However, when you ask me with such conviction, then I have no choice but to respond to your resolve in kind. Please, keep that name locked away within you, as my true name already exists within your beautiful heart.”

—end

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Australian GP 2024!

Mads' Race Recap!

Oh my jesus lord christ alive this was a goddamn good day. OK, I'll try to remain calm, but that is VERY difficult under the circumstances of my 3 best boys getting the podiums. But, I shall do this in order of constructors. Also, thanks to @lipringlrh for edging me through the entire bloody race cause she knew what happened, I swore I was going to be sick.

Red Bull - Nice qualis from Max, and I can't say I wasn't happy with Checo's three place penalty, just because I definitely think it helped the main race. Everything was all honky dory, then Carlos overtook and I was just like 'OK Carlitos, sure'. Then Max was slowing down... Then Lando and Charles passed, and the everyone else. The brakes were smoking, I was screaming out of pure joy. Now, don't take this the wrong way, I love Max. BUT, this provided my boys some very good opportunities. I reckon if Checo hadn't gotten the penalty, he could've tried to pip in front, but I won't dwell on what didn't happen.

Ferrari - WE GOT A FUCKING FERRARI 1-2 BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU I LOST MY GODDAMN MIND IT IS UNPARALLELED! Anyway, I'll be constructive, for a moment, at least. Charles and Carlos had some mental quali pace, so how they didn't get pole is a little crazy to me. Alas, none of that matters now. The second I saw Max go, I was like 'oh fuck we've got it'. Carlos DOTD and race winner, barely 2 weeks after having his appendix out and he doesn't have a seat?! Absolutely diabolical. It was sweet how he went back to singing Smooth Operator, I was waiting for it. When I heard the commentators saying that they may swap the positions so that Charles could lead the WDC, I was shitting it. Yes, I wanted Charles to win, but I didn't want it to be because of something stupid like team orders. Charles can win without needing it handing to him, and it would've been so damn disrespectful to Carlos. Every year that a team has finished 1-2 in Melbourne, they've gone on to win both championships... It's our year, I'm telling you.

So happy to see them back at the top, both of them did incredibly, Charles was pulling pace out of God knows where for that fastest lap. And the strategy was good???? Like, bringing Charles in when he said he needed to? Listening??? Nice stuff. Hearing the Spanish and Italian anthems was absolutely amazing. Also, I feel like this really highlights how special Ferrari is. The team were screaming that Italian anthem like there was nothing more important to them, and they were all hugging and having a whale of a time. It was just so fucking nice to see Charlandos up there, so fucking good. So so so so so happy, Forza Ferrari. Everyone is a Ferrari fan.

McLaren - OK, so, quali wise, Lando kinda came out of nowhere. I feel like Oscar was just... There? We were racing, it was the 'rarri 1-2 with Oscar in P3 at his home race, it was lovely stuff. Then they swapped the positions. Can someone please tell me why they swapped the positions? Pretty sure it was something to do with either less pace or more recent pitting or something, but I'm not 100% sure. As much as I love Lando, I wanted him to stay down in P3 just for that Ferrari 1-2. I needed it. The last few laps, I was looking at the delta between Charles and Lando, and I was relieved to see that it wasn't changing. Super happy for Lando, Oscar did loads better at his home race, nice one for all.

Mercedes - What the hell is going on here? Like, Lewis' qualis weren't good, George's were fine, nothing bad but nothing spectacular. Now the race was something else. I can't really blame Lewis for his problem, since it was a mechanical issue obviously as opposed to driver error. From what I saw of George, he didn't even do anything that bad. One minute he was fine, the next he was turned on his side. I may not want Merc to get points, but I don't want a crash to be the reason why. He's OK, so that's all that really matters. But, as for the car in general, there's something wrong with it. It's not just a one week thing where it's a bit off, this has been consistent. Yes, George had a nice P3 in qualis the other week, but the pace just wasn't there at all in the race. I just don't know what's going on with them at the minute, and the fact that they're so behind the Ferraris and McLarens is concerning.

Aston Martin - Pretty mediocre all together, I've seen varied opinions on Fernando's 20 second pen. Some said he was kinda to blame for George's crash, from what I saw, he was just avoiding George after the fact. I don't really know, so I won't comment until I watch another replay. But yeah, nothing too special, but they do need to up their game.

VCARB/RB/REDBULLSHITTYEDITION - Yuki Tsunoda. Well bloody done babe. Got extra points thanks to the Fernando penalty, even if I didn't really see him during the race like... at all. But, he must've done a pretty damn good job to end up all the way in eighth before the end of the race. Now, Daniel. What is this man doing? 12th is not bad, but when your teammate with less experience in the same car is doing that much better than you in your home race, you know something's up. I love Danny Ric, but Carlos is more likely to get that Red Bull seat than he is at this rate. Slightly disappointed, I won't lie.

Haas - Both drivers getting points? OK, OK. I actually think Kevin could've gotten higher in qualis if Checo hadn't impeded, but I'm glad Checo was put down on the grid. Overall though, nice drive from both, nice to see them get points.

Williams - Right, realistically, what harm would it have done to let Logan drive? It wasn't his fault, Alex has fucked it at that circuit so many times at the same place, and Alex didn't even get points. It wasn't fair, and he took it like an absolute champ. #justiceforlogiebear #cancelwilliams

Kick Sauber - These guys need to fix their pitstops I swear to God. How many times are they going to get that wheel nut stuck on? They did 1 good one for Valtteri, but they screwed up all the others. Zhou's pitlane start was unfortunate after it looked like his front wing just... fell off. Someone said the car reminds them of a wheelie bin, I completely agree and can't see it any differently.

Alpine - Pierre 's fault for getting the 5 second penalty, but other than that, they were shit as usual. Pierre was running pretty high for a little while, then just kind of... fell back. I can't help but laugh at them, I know it's mean, I just find it so bloody comical. I think FC Versailles is just a distraction, but he has just invested in a Tier 3 league, unheard of French football team... Nice one, I guess.

[goldenkamuyhunting]

It interesting to read your analysis or meta ( even though I read it 2 am while being stress ). I want to ask since I do remember you didnt really like how the story ended Ogata, so how do you think that it might be better ? The way it end he think that he always blessed feel weird for me but I do kinda like that what he do all those time it's just that he's thinking what broken person would do. Though this might contract about my first point about he always blessed, in the end what you become is always the choice is yours not always because the aspect from other people (I do found interesting fan comic what if Yuusaku and Ogata swap place). Sorry if it's going random or you actually the answer already in one of your post. Thank you once again 💖

Sorry for the late reply, I'm glad you enjoy my meta!

As usual WARNING as this is not a Noda praising fest.

Yes, I've ranted in the past about how I didn't like how Noda handled Ogata in his last 11 volumes but I don't mind repeating it.

The whole 'Ogata was ALWAYS blessed because maybe for a moment Hanazawa loved his mother' felt like very poorly constructed.

The ability to feel guilt isn't tied to your parents loving each other or not, but to plenty of other factors... and anyway it's pretty difficult to prove Hanazawa ever loved his mother and it wasn't just in Tome's head and he merely wanted her for sex.

We heard how Hanazawa spoke of her, without a shred of love.

I don't know if this is due to something in Japanese culture but to me, tying Ogata's ability to feel guilt to Hanazawa loving his mother feels like tying two completely unrelated things together, a leap in logic I can't follow.

I'm not sure how, at this point, the story could have handled Ogata. He was left useless for 10 volumes and then the last gave contraddicting info on his past and, basically, ends with a repeated the situation on Vol 19 only to have Ogata kill himself. At this point it was better to murder him on Vol 19 because... beyond the fact he was a popular character, the story had no need for him to survive (same as Vasily, really).

It's something I stated back then in Vol 19, I was interested in Ogata, I liked him as a character, because he was interesting. The moment Noda made him uninteresting because he gives 0 contribute in carrying on the plot, I see no point in having him in the story.

Not even his death affects the plot because in the end he murders himself on his own so the guilt for his death doesn't truly befall on Asirpa and whatever wound he gave to Sugimoto is of no consequence to the battle nor is his stalling them.

The most he did was to cause the drivers of the train to die (in the magazine version)/to escape (in the volume version).

Both moves feel stupid as he ends up on a train no one is driving when he could have just said he was one of Tsurumi's men and went aboard just the same (he's wearing an army uniform).

But Noda needed the drivers to get off so he used him to do so, though everything else would have been fine. They could have been distracted by the explosion and this would have allowed the bear to end up on the train and the bear could have caused them to escape.

It would have made more sense.

So my options to make the whole thing better are two: either write him off in Vol 19/20 or rewrite the last 11 volumes to give him a role in them. As the second option is way too complex and would end up creating a different GK I think the first one is the best one.

Let Ogata die in Vol 19/20, the story doesn't need him anymore and his faceoff with Asirpa back then had more impact than the last one.

His death could be used to push forward the discussion if it's all right to kill or not instead than... just happening.

And if Asirpa really need to show she's willing to kill someone to save Sugimoto she can shoot/try to shoot a arrow at Tsurumi instead than just aim at him and not shoot.

On a final note... GK wasn't a story about the importance of your choices but since this is still very discussed in the fandom, I want to toss in that the idea that we become what we chose is an over simplification.

What we become is the result of a combination of genetic, education, opportunities and personal choices.

We can make our choices solely among the opportunities we're offered, which might be plenty or just few or none at all, and we decide according to our physical/mental abilities and knowledge and understanding of the world.

Ogata had clearly a flawed understanding of the world due to the way he'd been raised, and a very limited number of choices due to his social and economical background.

His chances of becoming a second lieutenant like Yuusaku are so low they can as well not exist, his chances to get Hanazawa to love him are even less.

Ogata couldn't choose to become (someone like) Yuusaku, even if he wanted to. That choice was never on the table.

And, since his understanding of the world was flawed and he never managed to correct it, he took some objectively VERY BAD decisions to try to become someone he would never be allowed to become and, without even realizing, made his situation even worse instead than improving it.

GK though, wasn't the sort of story that was interested in this kind of aspect so, if you like stories that instead dig more into personal choices and their consequences, I recommend reading "Umineko no naku koro ni" (the manga as the anime is SO HORRIBLE they never finished it and the last chapter of the visual novel was poorly handled and Ryukishi basically rewrote it for the manga version).

Just keep in mind it's a mystery horror with some gruesome scenes... though since there are gruesome scenes in GK too, those might be not a problem.

Thank you for your ask and sorry again for the late reply!

[distant-velleity]

Two Is Just As Good As One

Summary: Even when the Mostro Lounge is empty, people like Yu and Chrysos can experience companionship there. Word count: ~900 A/N: A short little unbeta'd thing, since I wanted a little bit of Yu from a POV that isn't his. These two were always meant to be similar, and I took it a step further bc Chrysos is always interested in people who aren't what they appear to be. Like Yu "I can and will pretend to be someone I'm not" Wei. Two people who want to be free but can't handle negative perception... wow. Let them be friends !!! (bonus note: this takes place on Day 3 of A Fair Price. Just so you know :> )

~

For a Saturday evening, the crowds have cleared out rather quickly. 

By the time Chrysos emerges from his room with a thermos of soothing tea for his strained previously-singing voice, the Lounge is empty. Everyone else who was on shift earlier must be in the kitchen washing dishes. Well, save for a certain otherworldly boy wearing a borrowed Octavinelle uniform, sleeves rolled up as he uses a rag to wipe down the tables.  

Yu hums quietly to himself, looking rather serene and satisfied for someone on solo cleaning duty. He doesn’t seem aware that Chrysos is watching him from the shadows of the hallway, as he even chaînés turns from the now-clean table to another one.

For someone so frequently swapping personas to appeal to others, his true self has some rather simple desires. Like dancing and humming to his heart’s content.

Another similarity between the two of us, it would seem.

Chrysos recognizes the tune after listening and watching Yu dance between cleaning for a bit, finding himself singing along without realizing—

“Seeking thrills makes me me, it’s an essential piece / In the darkness, I’ll enchant you, so take my hand,” he sings, soft as to not irritate his throat. “Witness this wondrous, twisted land~”

It’s almost comical, how Yu snaps out of his solitary reverie as soon as he realizes that it’s not just a figment of his imagination singing. “Chrysos?!” he yelps, almost shouting as he clutches the rag to his chest. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.” Chrysos dips his head apologetically. “I heard you humming Piece of My World and couldn’t help myself.”

“Ah…” Yu relaxes, hands falling back to his sides. He puts on a sheepish, small smile. “I guess it is kind of my fault for thinking I could just do whatever while I was cleaning. That song’s been stuck in my head lately.”

“It was the audition song for the SDC team, right?”

Yu nods. “And it’s really catchy, too. I can see why it was so popular.” He leans over to continue wiping a table. “Have you considered performing it here?”

“It was one of my first songs here, back when the trend was still dying down,” recalls Chrysos. 

“Oh, makes sense.”

Inevitably, because it’s not in either of their natures to make small talk, they both fall silent. Yu tightens the hairtie on his ponytail and continues his work.

However, it’s starting to occur to Chrysos that there’s still quite a few tables left and only one magicless human on the task. If he hadn’t walked in then he probably wouldn’t have paid it any mind, but now that he’s here, it’s a little difficult to shrug and walk away. 

“Do you…” Chrysos starts, and then stops himself out of embarrassment when Yu turns to look at him. The TA offers him an encouraging tilt of the head, though, so he continues. “Do you want any help with cleaning the tables?”

(He’s really starting to get why Santiago curses out his conscience so much. Remembering how he’d treated certain students with disdain and disregard back in early December… it makes him want to make up for that, and it’s awful.)

Yu’s eyes widen. “Oh! No, no, it’s fine. I know it looks bad because it’s just me working, but there was another guy helping me out earlier. You just performed, so you should rest.” He pauses. “Also, didn’t Azul explicitly tell you to use less magic outside of classes?”

Chrysos grimaces internally when he remembers the stern talking-to he’d gotten from his upperclassmen. It’s already been a few weeks since winter break, but he’s probably still not off the hook. “I can grab another rag and clean manually. It’d still be faster.”

Yu visibly hesitates. “If you want…”

He has that look in his eyes when he glances at Chrysos. A look where it seems as if he’s not looking at the person themselves, but through their facade and into them. People like Leona, Azul, and Jamil have been on the receiving end of it more times than Chrysos can count. 

The TA doesn’t consider himself perceptive, but at least to others, he is in some way. Consequently, that perceptiveness leads to concern for what he sees in others. Concern that is… a little more than partially warranted, but—

“It won’t be a problem,” Chrysos assures him, because he does want to offer his help. It’s easy, if mundane, work.

(And, he can think to himself with the second-hand humiliation of a child watching his older sibling fall in love, the housewarden is in the VIP office with Jayme right now, so he isn’t around to tell me no.)

There’s a moment in which Yu continues to hesitate, battling with himself on the inside, before finally opening himself up to accept help. “Okay,” he concedes. “I haven’t gotten to the tables by the bar yet.”

“Got it. I’ll take care of those.”

He makes a quick trip to the storage closet and gets to work as soon as he comes back, offering Yu the mop for the floor once the tables are nice and clean. With two people on the job, the work may not be as quiet—even with two introverts—but it’s easier.

And if Chrysos accidentally makes eye contact with Yu only for them to share a little companionable smile, that’s something that doesn’t need to be discussed.

[tameila]

Okay but I Have to Know what You Kiss me, Just to Kiss Me is about 👀👉👈

aaah im gonna say this about every WIP i swear, but it's another one of those 'this idea is so near and dear to me that it's taking me forever because I want it to PERFECTLY encapsulate the intended feeling and thus no words are ever good enough to stick'

it takes place during the road trip between chapters 14 and 15. Pike and Scanlan are stopped over in a little mountain town for the night. it's their first stop along the trip, so they're not fully settled into each other and sharing so much space, so intimately, yet. it's also Pike's first night out of Westruun in so many years and, on top of everything else that she's dealing with mentally at this time, there's just...A Lot on her mind. she still doesn't feel quite right in her body.

which only weighs on her more as a few swapped kisses turns heavier, and Pike wants to want more, but she just can't feel it. like, i really want to encapsulate that feeling of what it's like to be on psychiatric medication, especially newly on it, and how it can kinda shift your mind and body out of sync even as it's helping. how it's all a process and a learning curve.

eventually, Pike gets frustrated with herself for not being able to "get into it", so to speak. of course, Scanlan is quick to assure her that he's not kissing her because he's hoping sex is on the other side of it, but because he just wants to kiss her.

which is why taking the title from the song "Like We'll Never Have Sex" by Leith Ross was so perfect!

and it's just soft and considered and intimate... I WANT IT TO BE SO PERFECT. WHY ARE WORDS SO DIFFICULT. 🥲

alas, here's a snippet of some stuff I actually do have down:

It’s not quiet, not exactly, in their motel tonight. There’s a couple arguing out in the hall. Someone’s listening to a game show too loud in the room next to them. A door slams. A burst of canned laughter follows a beat later. Yet, with Scanlan’s touch on her, guided brush bristles and gentle fingers in her hair and on her scalp, it falls muffled on her senses, like footsteps on snow, like distant traffic heard from the comfort of bed.

When he’s done, he brushes her hair over her shoulder and presses his lips to the back of her neck. A one-two punch of playful kisses. Her whole body hums.

“Thank you,” she whispers when he starts to pull away. She wants to give him pause, wants him to linger on her longer, and she cannot fight her smile when he does.

Nosing and leaving another playful kiss on her cheek, he teases, “The pleasure was entirely selfish and all mine, love.”

 When he moves away again, finishing his move to deposit the brush on the nightstand, she follows him.

With the summer heat, it’s been far too hot to even entertain dressing up for modesty’s sake, and Pike can already feel a shoulder of her loose tank top slipping as she presses him into the sheets. He rights the sleeve with a hooked pointer finger.

[deadmomjokes]

Do you have any new adventures with bean?

Not so much an "adventure" as a "We all knew this day was coming, but now what do we do about it?" moment, but have the story nonetheless. (Because it is occupying my thoughts nonstop, mostly because she won't let it go.)

Picture this: It is bedtime for a young girl who historically hates bedtime. Because of this, we have done up her room with what one would consider The Works--blackout curtains, white noise machine, specifically-requested rainbow nightlight, and a brand new Big Girl Bed with a fancy headboard full of cubbies, which house her many stuffed animals/bedtime buddies.

Every night, she chooses one of these friends to sleep with (which may or may not get swapped three or four times throughout the night, because she is my child after all and indecision runs in our veins like a wild horse through a dewy morning field). This particular night, I ask "Which toy would you like to sleep with?" and she cheerfully says, "Duck."

Not a toy duck, mind you. It is a plushy cat named Duck, whom she loves very very much. Her other toy cat is named Toast. She is very good at naming things. But moving on.

She snuggles up with Duck the Cat, and I prepare to tell a bedtime story as usual. But something is wrong. In the pastel-neon glow of her rainbow nightlight, I see her eyes begin to well up. Her forehead wrinkles. Her eyebrows crease over a nose that is rapidly turning red beneath its smattering of freckles.

I am as confused as I am concerned. The protests and sorrows don't usually begin until after story time, when kisses and night-nights have been deployed. More importantly, they're usually all performative. But this is genuine sorrow.

Before I can open my mouth to ask what is wrong, she turns her watery baby blues on me and chokes out, "Mama, I'm sad."

I ask, "Why are you sad, baby?"

She looks from me, to her precious Duck the Cat, lying silent and still beside her on the pillow, and places a tiny hand on the plush, overstuffed head.

"Duck is my pretend pet cat. I'm sad because there is not a real cat." And she once more fixes me with a weepy, heartbreaking look of soul-crushing despair and says the words I have long dreaded: "I want to have a real pet cat."

Y'all, her dad is allergic to cats.

I'm not talking "sneezes and sniffles" allergies, either. I'm talking "was rushed to the ER as a child," "breaks out in full-body hives," "has full-blown reactions from simply interacting with people who have recently held a cat" kind of allergies. His allergies are so severe and sensitized that he essentially functions as radar for cat owners: hug someone and wait for the sniffles and itchiness. It never fails. There is no way this man could ever coexist in a house with a cat for longer than a few hours while doped up on benadryl, even one of the "hypoallergenic" breeds (which is very misleading and dangerous misinformation, but that's a whole other post in itself).

I mean, it's not like we can have a pet right now anyway. We live in a no-animals housing situation. We're also likely to move cross-country by the end of the year or early next, which would be difficult on any animal. I'm working on finding the right meds for my ADHD, my husband is running around to post-op PT and followups, Bean is dealing with her own specialty appointments for her gastric issues. It's just not a great time to bring in a pet. But the one-- the only one-- we could never have in our house to begin with is the one that my daughter happens to catch a Pining for at a grand 3.5 years old, which is, perhaps, the worst possible age to try and explain the many reasons we should not/cannot have a pet right now. Especially the one she wants.

The wee one knows Dad can't be around cats. That's part of why she was so sad. But the Pack-Bond Longing has officially come upon her, and she wants a pet. Really, really wants a pet.

Unfortunately, she comes by it naturally. My husband and I are both Animal People to the core. We run the Slimy Critter Rescue Brigade when it rains. Despite crippling anxiety disorders, I once skipped classes and made 3 hours worth of phone calls (as well as sacrificed my favorite handmade jacket) to catch an injured seagull that tried to take my face off multiple times. Her dad can't resist petting a cat if it comes within his line of sight even though he knows good and well it will have severe consequences. I have broken housing rules multiple times to care for injured or orphaned animals, only some of which were domestic pet species.

So it's not just her. We are all in Deep Mourning at the moment. It doesn't help that our brilliant genius child remembers the kinds of animals that Dad is not allergic to. She tells us at least once a day that she really wants to have a pet, and it is okay that we cannot have a cat in our house because Dad is not allergic to lizards/some dogs/fishes/birds/snakes/guinea pigs (that appears to be in order of desire), so maybe we can have one of those animals for a pet.

Worse, any one of us technically qualifies for an ESA to bypass the housing issue.

As the adults, we're trying really hard to be strong and think of the best thing for an animal, which does not include entering into a household in transition and likely to uproot soon.

But she's right and speaks for all of us: "I want a real pet animal to be in my house." :(

[druidx]

Had another idea for a Year's End fic, featuring Elo and Farren (why am I thinking about xmas/new years in the middle of summer? fuck knows).

I set New Partners, Forever Partners (Tumblr: Pt1 : Pt2 : Pt3 or AO3) in the middle of summer, so they would have been working together for about five months by the time the Year's End festivities roll around. Elo is still living in the groundskeeper's cottage with her family.

Oakrose is nothing if not a generous spirit, and we open with Elo asking Farren if he'd like to come to Year's End dinner with her family. He panics, because he's never really gotten over the loss of his own family - not that Elo knows this yet. So he says he's sorry, he has plans. She's disappointed; but sure, fine, she maybe left it a bit late to ask, never mind.

Elo leaves, and in comes Murna Henson. Murna is an old friend of Farren's. She's a few years younger than him but their parents were farm-neighbors, so they knew each other then, and they're good friends now. Good enough, that Murna tells Farren he's an idiot for turning Elo's offer down because Murna knows Farren has no plans. He dissembles, says he's going to take the holiday shift like usual so someone who has a family doesn't miss out. He's just got to talk to Cap. Withnail because for some reason the shift calendar shows he's off. Murna calls him an idiot again and leaves.

In the bullpen, Farren tries to apologise, but Elo's like, You're popular - it figures you already have plans. And they get on with the day.

Out on the beat, they go after a purse snatcher. As they're booking him in, someone comments on how it's unusual that Farren isn't on-shift over the holiday period, and Elo tells them it's cuz Farren has 'plans'. Then as they're walking out of holding, Elo asks what those plans actually are (in a casual manner). Farren, once again, panics, and says he's going to have some beers with his mates at the Pit, and maybe a few friendly rounds of wrestling.

Something about this doesn't ring true to Elo, but she's inexperienced with friendships, so she brushes it off. Or at least she tries. But it keeps gnawing at her... Young Elo doesn't really have any friends in the Watch because she's difficult to get along with, but she remembers Murna going into Farren's room after she left, so goes to her for advice.

Murna confirms he's lied, but declines to comment on specifics, stating that it's Farren's choice if Elo knows why he declined her invite.

Farren, meanwhile, is trying to talk Withnail into letting him swap the holiday shift with someone who has a greater need for the time off. Withnail is not budging; Farren has taken the holiday shift for the last 5 years running, which is extremely admirable, but Withnail thinks it's time for someone else to take a turn. And besides, Farren could do with the time off - his arrest rate has shot up since he and Elo started working together.

Their shift ends, but before Elo leaves she corners Farren and says they need to talk. She's been stewing all day on the fact he lied about this trivial thing and she is Not Very Happy. She tells him it's not about him not coming, it's not about why he doesn't want to come. She's only upset that he felt he couldn't be honest with her about those two things. She's upset because if he's going to lie over what his holiday plans are, how does she know he's not going to lie about recovered evidence, or stolen goods, or who beat on a suspect? Because she's been here before and she'd rather lose yet another partner in her long stream of partners than go through that again. Farren, for once, is at a loss for words and she takes his silence as him agreeing they can't be partners anymore. So Elo's about to leave, ready to go tell Withnail, when Farren stops her and says he's sorry, he didn't mean to lie and then double-down. He thought he was going to be working, and explains about the holiday shift issue. Elo says if he's being forced to have the time off and wants company then the Church of Galana is open for quiet contemplation, because she's figured if he doesn't want to come for dinner it's because he doesn't want to deal with a rambunctious family. Still, she can't help but add that there'll be a place available at the O'Toreguarde table.

Cut to the O'Toreguarde dinner table, not long sat down to eat. We've got mother Oakrose setting aside a plate for Farren and Elo insisting he's not going to show, elder brother Wickerswitch discussing the veg he and Groundskeeper Turnips managed to magic out of the ground mid-winter, younger brother Ashbury filling his plate, while Grampa Birchwick and Aunt Alexis talk weaponry. A knock at the door. Ash jumps up to answer it. Oakrose raises her eyebrows at her daughter, waiting expectantly, and then Asbury calls out that it's for Elo.

Elo goes to find Farren on their snow-laden doorstep. She asks if he wants to come in, says her mother's making him a plate - he can take it back to the Watch baracks if he wants. He says he'll come in, but he needs a word in private first. Elo yells that she'll be right back, drags her boots and coat on, and leads the way to the woodshed.

Once in the woodshed, Farren apologises again for lying and says he doesn't really like the holidays. He admits that he's not yet ready to share why he doesn't like them, and Elo says it's fine, it's not her business. There's loads of reasons why someone might not feel comfortable around this time, and as long as it doesn't affect their work, she doesn't need to know. He doesn't seem convinced, so she points to a corner of the woodshed's roof and tells him about the first winter they spent in this house, how she missed her family so much she spent the day out here in the rafters. He's surprised; he thought, since Alexis was her aunt, Elo was native to the city. She shrugs and doesn't go into any further detail, but he takes that as his cue to reassure her he's never going to lie to her about anything again. They fall into a lull, and Elo asks if he'd like to come in, even just to pick up his plate. So Farren does, and ends up staying, and we fade out on them having a good dinner.

[marthajonesuk]

Monday, May 07, 2007

Home again

Okay, I was wrong. Sort of, anyway...

He brought me home. After everything we've been through, he brought me home. Which is fair enough, I guess. It's up to him who he travels with but, yeah, to say I was disappointed would be an understatement.

But then, as always with him, things got in the way... I'm guessing you saw the Lazarus Laboratory thing on the news. And I'm guessing that by now, you've worked out that the Doctor was involved. Thing is, this time so were my family.

I remember when I first went away to Uni. Came back for Christmas (that time of peace and goodwill – haha!) and it was so odd how they'd changed. We'd all grown up together and been through everything together but, after just a couple of months, it was obvious that things had changed. The cracks had started to show in mum and dad's marriage (and even though he eventually had the affair, mum realised their whole relationship was going wrong way before Annalise actually arrived on the scene. She's pretty sharp, my old ma!) Tish and Leo had both changed as well. Tish had moved into some tiny little bedsit and Leo had started seeing Shonara. And it had all happened while I was away. Which I guess is normal for families.

This time it was different. For them, it was the day after Leo's birthday thing but for me? Well, you know what I've been through. You know what I've seen and done since then. So, yeah, it was like I'd changed but they hadn't. I have changed, I realise that. I'm seeing things differently. And for them, I'd not even been away so none of them would understand just how big it all is. And I can't tell them because they'd think I was mad. Blimey, time travel messes with your mind.

Actually, I say they haven't changed but Leo told me that he was going to vote in the election. Leo?! Voting?!?! The world has officially gone mad.

One thing that so hadn't changed was that even though it was Tish's night, mum was still focussed on me. Tish is a year older than me but I've always been the responsible one (or the boring one as someone with a death wish might say). She never went to Uni or anything so I've always been treated as the oldest. Mum's always said that Tish should be more like me which isn't the best thing a mum can do but she doesn't mean anything bad by it. I think Tish used to resent me for it but, right now, we get on great. It's like we have this competition - I'm always trying to get her to grow up and she's always trying to get me to chill. And I've just realised, it's like we're swapping lives! I'm the one on the big holiday and she's the one in the business suit. Oh and that's mental as well. She's somehow got herself this big important job but she's such a mess. Honestly, you should see the state of her flat!! Mine, of course, is spotless.

And seeing them all, it was difficult in a way because it reminded me of what I'm leaving behind when I go off with the Doctor. I know they'll be there for me when I get back but I just hope neither me or them change too much. When I go off with the Doctor? Oh yeah, despite what I said at the beginning, I'm off again! But this time, it's totally on my terms.

You see, at the end of it all, the Doctor said I could go on one more trip but I said no. I don't care that he's the most amazing bloke I've ever met, I'm not going to be some kind of hitcher. I'm not going to be his assistant. So, I told him this. And he said I was never really that anyway.

So we're off together – as equals? Well, 60/40. Oh all right, 35/75. But it's definitely a more…permanent arrangement this time. And where now? Somewhere new. Somewhere brilliant, probably. Somewhere mad, definitely. And, hopefully, somewhere nice and sunny!

[vengeful-velvette]

Hey thanks for answering my ask! Yeah I agree, I think dealing with soul ownership in a body swap fic in this particular universe is a bit tricky.

How I view it is that the owner has ownership over the sinners body, but not their mind. So if Angel and Alastor swapped bodies, I imagine that Valentino is still able to force Angel's body/Alastor to do whatever, but he can't force Alastor to tell him anything he doesn't want to reveal.

He can't force Alastor to tell him a secret. But he can force Angel, who is in Alastor's body, to tell him a secret.

As for how this works if someone swapped with Valentino? I honestly I have no idea. I would assume they would still have ownership over whoever Valentino owns, but I definitely think it doesn't feel the same. It's kinda like a glitch? Idk, this is just how I personally view body swapping and soul ownership.

I know you said that you're not gonna focus on the 666 universe, which is like, extremely valid because a body swap is already pretty plot intensive, never mind adding the whole 666 dynamic into it!

But..... after I sent in this ask I couldn't quite get this idea out of my head, as it kept spiraling and spiraling as I kept thinking, "well, what if this happens...." "and what if what happens after that" "oh! That's pretty interesting, what if it happened...."

So after many "what ifs" I word vomited all of my Thoughts into my notes app. So why not share them here (maybe then the "what ifs" will stop tormenting me)

Expanding on this a little more on the idea of this body swap happening in the 666 live on air series. (With Vox and Valentino switching, and Angel and Alastor switching bodies)

I imagine that for Vox, being Valentino isn't all that difficult. In his introduction episode we see that Vox is actually really good at manipulating people and putting up an act to get what he wants (for example, when he's annoyed at Valentino but convinces him not to go to the Hotel and pick a fight with Charlie).

There's also the fact that Vox knows Valentino rather well, so I bet he knows all his little mannerisms and how to act like him. I bet he also knows what a typical day shoot looks like, as Valentino talks about them enough for Vox to pick up the basics, and Vox is so plugged into the internet that he must know what's popular in the porn industry at any given time.

Plus I could see Vox viewing it as a good opportunity to improve Valentino's image. Val is so difficult to control on a normal day, but now making sure that Val acts "perfect" is eaiser than ever.

That's not to say that I think this whole situation isn't stressing Vox out, it definitely is. It's one thing for him to be controlling Valentino's body, but another one entirely for Valentino to be controlling his. Now he has to work double time making sure that he appears the same as Valentino, while also making sure Val isn't fucking up Voxtek.

(Not to mention that Valentino is fucking blind and Vox has to put so much brain power into not bumping into everything)

When the day of the shoot with "Angel Dust" comes up, he thinks that Angel is lucky because for once he's going to have a "Valentino" that's too busy to get involved in the scene. As he picked out a random scene list from the pile and is half distracted with texting Val instructions on what to do regarding Voxtek to really pay him much attention.

Now switching over to Alastor and Angel's side; tbh I don't have as many thoughts on the two's thought process, or how exactly they handle the whole "Valentino owns Angel's soul, but Alastor is in his body so while technically he doesn't own Alastor, he can puppet the body he's currently inhabiting".

But I imagine that Angel will insist on tagging along with Alastor to a shoot. (If Angel is actually like, contractually forced to attend shoots, because I can totally see the two of them faking an accident or something to get Alastor out of it until the gang figures out a way to reverse the body swap)

But for now the two worlds intersect as "Angel" and "Alastor" are in the studio with "Valentino".

Vox has literally no idea why Alastor is here, and while a part of him is always pleased to see him (or, the vague shape that he sees of Alastor through Val's eyes), he knows that Valentino wouldn't be impressed to see him and tries to shoo him out the door and get the shoot underway so he can get back to running two businesses at once.

Something, something, Vox finally clues in that Angel and Alastor has switched bodies

(which is really a combination of factors: "Angel" being weirdly hesitant to start the scene, and acting in a way that's weirdly familiar, while "Alastor" acting totally foreign.

With the tipping point being that the weird way the soul contract is feeling, since "he" technically owns Angel's soul, that's not currently in his body but Alastor's, and him also owning Angel's body, which doesn't have his soul in it. Idk, I just imagine that the body swap reacts weirdly with body swaps. Plus there's the fact that he also swapped bodies with Valentino, so he's more inclined to automatically believe a body swap.)

And this is when the real panic sets in for Vox because he knows that "Angel" (Alastor) can't actually perform the shoot because he knows that Alastor wouldn't be comfortable with that and he's actually starting to care about Alastor, while also being acutely aware that they're in "public", or at least, in company who will absolutely take out their phones and record the trio if they start acting off.

So Vox very much wants to grab Angel/Alastor and shove him into an empty room and ask what the fuck is going on, but both Angel and Alastor aren't really comfortable with the idea of "Valentino" taking "Angel" into a private room, especially when he seems agitated.

So there's this rising point of tension where Vox really just wants to talk to "Angel" in private, and the actual Angel is starting to get really stressed that Valentino is getting more and more angry because he knows what Val is like when he's angry. But he doesn't want Alastor alone with him, while also wanting to do what "Valentino" is saying to hopefully calm him down.

And Alastor, who doesn't want to be alone with "Valentino" because he knows, or can take a pretty good guess, of what's going to happen behind closed doors (which is wrong because he hasn't put together the pieces that Vox is in Valentino's body), and is going against "Valentino" because he's pissing him off.

I can also see Alastor thinking "well, I do kinky stuff with Vox, what's so different this time? It's not like people know it's me" and thus is trying to start the shoot because he believes that it's "safer" (he also wants to piss off Valentino by not listening to him, and he's once again bitting off more than he can chew with his hubris on full display).

While both Vox and Angel really don't want Alastor to start the shoot because they know what actually goes on during one, and can guess that Alastor won't be comfortable, and wouldn't really have a way to stop it without seeming "out of character".

And Vox really just wants to talk to Alastor in private, because people are starting to whisper and he can see hands going towards phones. So a part of him wants to use the stupid contract to get Alastor alone, but he also knows that Alastor would hate that and that could destroy the relationship they've been carefully building up.

So in the middle of all of this rising tension, Vox eventually is just like "fuck it!" And physically grabs both Angel and Alastor and shoves them into a empty dressing room. And is like "hey what the fuck are you doing?!" And explains the whole body swap fiasco on his side.

I'm not quite sure how the rest of the scene goes. But I definitely think the tension breaks once everything is explained. With Vox possibly playing up roughing up "Angel" behind the closed door and stating that he "sent the whore home" or something to get Alastor out of the shoot.

Anyway, this was really supposed to be a quick "hey, wouldn't that be interesting" that kinda spiraled. Idk, maybe I'll make a "inspired by" fic and actually write this fic, because obviously I have ideas, lol. If I have permission to write the fic, of course, I feel a little bad about writing something based in a fic series I didn't write.

Idk, it feels a little weird to take a dynamic (from the 666 series) and swipe it. So I'll probably just continue to rotate the Thoughts and Ideas in my head as I've been doing lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading my long rambles once again, maybe now that the thoughts have been released they will finally let me be Free lol.

Ohhh I love a good body swap!

I love how there's some really good angst potential (like basically anyone swapping with Angel), and also comedy (Alastor and Vox, the Vees, etc).

I also like to imagine that there's multiple body swaps going around at once, just because I think it would be even more chaotic. Like, for example, maybe Alastor and Angel Dust swap, and the Vees also swap. I initially thought it would be really funny if Valentino and Vox swapped, because then there's the interesting dynamic of Vox technically having ownership of "Alastor's' soul (or the very least, the body Alastor is currently inhabiting).

Also, this could go two very directions. If this is in the 66.6 universe, then it has the option of ending more humorous as Vox clues into the situation as he's trying to act like Valentino and is internally like "SHIT SHIT SHIT" because on one hand he doesn't want to absolutely nuke the relationship they've barely built from obit, but Keeping Up Appearances in front of People is also very important to him.

This is doubly funny if Alastor hasn't quite put all the pieces together yet, and doesn't know it's Vox in Valentino's body, and doesn't really get why "Valentino" is try to get him alone in an empty room (so Vox can yell at him and be like "what the fuck??? What the FUCK!!)

But also, there's an interesting dynamic if this isn't in the 66.6 universe and Vox just hates (while still being obsessed with) Alastor. As Vox finally, actually, has power over Alastor.

Idk, I know you're writing, or like, planning out a body swap fic, and this isn't like, a Demand to do it this way. More so a "hey, wouldn't this be Fucked up and Interesting?"

OKAY I'M FINALLY HOME AND CAN REPLY TO THIS PROPERLY!

I think the soul ownership aspect of the body swap is really interesting, because you have to really get into what headcanons you're working with for how it works. Does your soul own the other soul, or does your body own the other soul? And is a soul defined as your consciousness, or are your body and your soul unanimous since you're in hell and presumably your soul just takes the shape it does in hell as your body because you certainly weren't a 7'4" spider in real life?

Anyway, I'm definitely going non-666verse and also def going the angst route for this fic, haha, and I'm admittedly specifically avoiding involving Vox much because that'd make the whole thing like 3x more complicated and I'm trying to keep it to the three-chapter outline I have! I think you're right and that involving Vox in realizing that he has actual, genuine power over Alastor has the potential to get absolutely wild. We see him act pretty zany because he's losing it over Alastor a lot, but the moments we see him where he's not going bananas over his crush make it pretty clear that the guy is both competent and fairly ruthless. I'm sure he'd figure out a way to take major advantage!

[ava-achlys]

The Boyz NSFW Scenarios

Kim Sunwoo - Reflection [Requested]

Request: Strangers to friends (dom! Sunwoo), new kid Sunwoo meets the school troublemaker in detention. Tensions rise and antics ensue.

new kid! Sunwoo x bad girl! reader

Warnings: unprotected sex (wrap it up kiddos), underage sex, semi-public sex, slight praise kink, slight angst, mentions of bullying/misconduct/mischief

Sorry for the wait @l0v3bugch4nh33 but I hope you enjoy it! Thanks again for requesting 💖

What do you do when your position as the baddest person in school is threatened by some obnoxious newbie with equally obnoxious pink hair?

Mr Lee sighs for the umpteenth time as you tap your foot incessantly. He glares at you, knowing full well he has no effect on you. Every teacher that's tried to talk some sense into you or punish you has given up and resigned to waiting for the day you graduate, which proves to be difficult since your grades were trash and your conduct was just as terrible. You had to repeat your senior year and it just meant you had more time to mess with the teachers and staff. Why hadn't they just expelled you? Well, you doubt it had anything to do with the fact that you'd been expelled from two other high schools already, and your parents had offered a large sum of money to the principal to keep you in this school until you graduate.

You hated studying, period. You hated how rigid the academic systems were, and you had little to no interest in anything. Not science, not languages, not arts. You just felt stuffy and controlled all the time. That was why you ended up terrorizing the other kids and even staff, just to feel alive and free. Smoking in the school bathrooms, skipping class, vandalism; just to name a few. You revelled in the way your juniors would scurry away if you so much as looked in their direction, and even some teachers would avoid you. You ran the school, and you were untouchable. Until about a week ago.

Some new kid transferred into your class with obnoxiously pink hair and a slight accent from the countryside. Who even transfers into a new school in their senior year? Anyway, some of the girls were immediately taken by his looks, whispering to each other about how cute he was, and your classmates began spreading mindless gossip about him.

I heard he was expelled for beating up some teachers

I heard it was because he set the school on fire!

I bet it's cause he slept with a teacher

You roll your eyes at their stupid words, effectively shutting them up with a glare. As your luck would have it, the new guy (Sunoo, was it?) was assigned to be your seating partner, something your teacher belatedly realized was a very bad idea. In horror, she reminded the class that it was a temporary arrangement and that she was revise the seating plan, internally vowing to keep you two as far away from each other as possible. It wasn't something for her to worry about, you thought. You had absolutely no plans to get close to the pink-haired fool who was not-so-subtly checking you out.

Days passed and you tried to assert your dominance by acting out even more than usual. You swapped all the locks to the gym equipment storage and started a food fight at lunch, earning you a week's worth of detention. However it didn't seem to faze him at all, and he went about his business, staying out of your hair, despite appreciating the view every time you walked past in your short skirt. So what if you weren't abiding by the school dress code? He himself had flaming pink hair, which apparently landed him in detention too, since he wasn't willing to dye it back to black or shave it all off within the stipulated time. That, and he was caught smoking in the boys bathroom. Detention within the first week of school? You had to applaud him, even if you decided you hated his guts for being indifferent and callous. Only you were allowed to be like that.

A knock on the door brings you back to the present, and Mr Lee huffs when he sees the fuchsia mop poke through the door. "So nice of you to finally join us, Sunwoo. Your seat is there. And I'm sure you're familiar with the rules of detention by now, most schools are the same," your teacher smiles, a fake saccharine tinge to his voice.

"Afraid not, sir, would you be so kind to inform me again?" Sunwoo drawls, his big round eyes blinking with faux innocence. You resist the urge to laugh at the way Mr Lee is fuming, sinewy arms ready to burst through his tight button-up and you swear you could see steam pouring out of his ears. "I do not want to hear a single word from either of you. Stay put, and maybe do some reflection on why you decided to be such menaces," he spits through gritted teeth, storming off through the door and slamming it shut, locking it from the outside. You groan, slouching into your seat as you fiddle with your phone, already bored out of your mind. Your eyes are on your phone but you can sense Sunwoo's gaze lingering on you again. It's not unpleasant, but it leaves you feeling hot, and you refuse to believe he's got that effect on you.

"You're an idiot," you mutter under your breath, your eyes still trained on your phone.

"Pardon?" his artificially sweet voice is back, taunting you with that drawl of his.

"Smoking on school grounds, getting detention in your first week? Rookie mistake."

"What if I did it on purpose? To spend some quality time with the mysterious bad girl everyone's been talking about?"

You scoff loudly and Sunwoo is still grinning annoyingly at you. He stands up and walks over to the teacher's table, plopping into Mr Lee's seat. "You're interesting." He stretches his long legs out, resting them on the table, putting his hands behind his head, sending a cocky smirk your way; and you can’t decide if you want to punch or kiss it right off his face. You roll your eyes, uncrossing your legs and you suppress a laugh when you notice Sunwoo’s line of vision goes straight to the spot between your legs. He licks his plush lips subconsciously, and oh, what you would give to feel those lips on your body. You spread your legs just a tad further, and the smirk on his face slowly drains away, eyes transfixed on the wet spot on your panties. “Fuck you, Sunwoo.”

“Yes, please,” he murmurs absentmindedly, his mind racing thinking about all the dirty things he wants to do to you. You scoff, crossing your legs again, about to curse at him. You’re no easy girl. Especially for someone like Sunwoo, with his stupid puppy eyes, fluffy pink hair, pouty pink lips, thick thighs straining through his tapered uniform trousers and- your thoughts were disrupted by his figure looming over you. He had crossed the room while you were busy listing off everything you found attractive hated in the boy. He stands before you, round eyes darkened with want, and his hand comes up to tilt your chin upwards, his thumb carelessly rubbing against your bottom lip.

"Are you really as bad as they say you are?"

"Don't try me Kim Sunwoo."

"No… I don't think you are. I think you're actually a good girl, hmm?" Sunwoo whispers, deftly unzipping his trousers and pulling his erect cock out, perfectly level with your glossy lips. He tucks a strand of stray hair behind your ear, and gently coaxes your head closer to his twitching length. Your mouth falls open unwittingly, and you can't help but lick your lips at the sight before you.

"Such a good girl only for me."

A shiver rolls down your spine at his deep voice, and you find your lips around his tip, lapping up his oozing precum, your hand grasping the base of his cock. Sunwoo lets out a shaky moan, his fingers twisting into your hair. “Fuck, just like that,” he gasps. You bob your head up and down, swallowing around his shaft, and Sunwoo’s pretty moans fill the classroom. He guides your head up and down his length, admiring the way your luscious lips are wrapped around his veiny member. Soon, he tugs you off by your hair, making a 'pop' sound as your mouth releases his dick. You look up at him questioningly, and his cock twitches at the sight of your spit-slicked swollen lips. "Don't wanna cum yet, cutie," he grins, dragging you by the shoulders to push you against the teacher's table.

You hop up the table and lean back, parting your legs wide to accommodate him. You pull your skirt up, and he pulls your drenched panties aside to dive in, licking ravenously at your slick folds, causing you to mewl and throw your head back, nearly hitting your head on the table. He slides your panties off and his free hand sneaks up your body to cup your breast, massaging it through your shirt and bra as he makes out with your pussy. You clamp a hand over your mouth to stifle your moans, feeling those plump lips close around your sensitive clit, and you can't help but writhe in pleasure. Sunwoo smirks up at you from between your thighs, balling up your panties and holding them in front of your face. "Open up~ can't be too noisy can we, or else the teachers will find out we don't hate each other as much as they think we do," he mocks you in a singsong voice. You open your mouth to rebuke, but he takes this opportunity to shove your panties into your mouth, prompting a disgruntled moan from you.

Your annoyance at being forcibly shushed fades quickly when he sticks two thick fingers into your pussy, clenching tight around the intrusion. He laps at your clit as he pumps his fingers, scissoring them to stretch you out, his other hand back to groping your other breast. Your mind is turning hazy from all the stimulation, and you can only grip onto the edges of the table as you drown in the feeling of Sunwoo's touches all over your body. He pulls away once he thinks you're ready, making you whine at the loss of contact. He straightens up and you wordlessly stare at each other with lust-filled eyes as he languidly lubes up his erect cock with your juices. You position yourself right at the edge of the table, holding your legs up and apart with your hands, presenting yourself to him.

Your pussy throbs as he approaches, lining up his cock with your entrance and he pushes in slowly. The stretch burns deliciously, and Sunwoo hurriedly pulls your panties from your lips, muffling your moans with his lips instead. The kiss is messy, spit and precum and teeth, as your pussy adjusts to having him fully sheathed inside you. You break apart, gasping for air, and Sunwoo is shaking from resisting the urge to pummel into you immediately. "M-move, Sunwoo, hurry," you whisper, and he nods, pulling out and slamming back in instantly, shushing you softly when you unwittingly moan out loud. He continues to fuck you at a brutal pace, balls slapping against your ass, and slowly you feel your arms start to give way. He notices this, and takes over, holding your thighs apart with a bruising grip as he drills into you. He buries his face in your neck, his hot breath and warm lips on your skin bringing you close to climax.

"You think you're so big and bad huh? The students fear you and the teachers hate you, but look how good you're being for me," he pants into your skin, groaning when you clench around him, clearly affected by his words. "S-shut it Sunwoo just- ahhh!" your words are cut off by a hard thrust into your g-spot. You hate him, for being a tease, for taunting you, for threatening to take your spot as the top dog in school, but most of all, for edging you. He chuckles darkly, pulling your hair so you look up at him with desperate, wild eyes. "Come on now, ask nicely and I'll let you cum, babe," he teases, hips still pistoning relentlessly into yours. You let out a frustrated groan, and you grab him by his collar, pressing your lips against his. "Let me cum, Sunwoo, wanna cum all over your pretty cock," you mumble against his lips, and it seems to do the trick.

His thrusts begin to stutter, and you smirk into the kiss, realizing that big bad Sunwoo likes being praised too. "Your lips were made to eat pussy, and you just love the taste of mine, don't you?" you continue, getting bolder, revelling in the way a shiver rolls down his spine at your words. He thrusts erratically, groaning lowly as you cling to his frame, burying your face in his shoulder to muffle your moans as you cum hard, clenching tightly around his cock. Sunwoo hurriedly pulls out before he cums inside you, jerking himself harshly to completion, growling and cursing as he paints the side of the teacher's table white with his cum. He falls forward, clutching the table as both of you gulp lungfuls of air as you come down from your highs.

"Fuck, that was-"

"Insane. We're insane for doing this, really." you finish his sentence. He snorts loudly, shaking his head at the sticky situation you had gotten yourselves into. Suddenly you hear footsteps and voices coming down the hallway, and you look at each other in horror. You quickly straighten your clothes, hurrying to put your panties on and wipe off Sunwoo's cum from the teacher's table with a gym towel you had in your school bag. Mr Lee opens the door to find the two of you sitting very peacefully apart, and with any luck, doesn't notice the messy hair, wrinkled clothes, flushed cheeks or the stench of sex and sweat in the classroom.

He chalks it up to you two delinquents being perpetually unkempt, and dismisses the two of you, as it was well past the time your detention should have ended. You and Sunwoo duck around him, uncharacteristically quiet and meek as you exit the school together. Once you make it past the school gates, you both break out into raucous laughter, still not believing how you went from hating each other to swallowing each other's faces in the span of one meeting. The smile on Sunwoo's face suddenly disappears as a thought crosses his mind. "Wait… was there a CCTV camera in that classroom?" he asks worriedly. "Yeah. There is." you reply casually, and a look of alarm crosses his face.

"Don't worry, it's broken though." you quickly assure him.

"What? Who broke it?"

A devious smile graces your lips and Sunwoo immediately understands, barking out another incredulous laugh. You two share stories about the trouble you've gotten into at your previous schools all the way home. Before you part ways, Sunwoo smirks cheekily at you. "So… Same time next week?"

You gnaw on your lip as you consider. Maybe there was space at the top of the food chain for two, and that you both aren't so different after all. You mirror his impish grin as you walk away.

"See you in detention, Kim Sunwoo."

[furblrwurblr]

I had to adress the trauma before they kissed

Part three to Patience, Love!

Douxie x Reader Soulmate AU, fluff, angst. crack if you squint.

《One》 《Two》 | Masterlist

You'd had a few days of unfamiliar band after unfamiliar band and were glad for a taste of home when Papa Skull was up on the itinerary. You two slept in as you had for the past week and had an instant noodle breakfast (the good kind, none of that Maruchan crap Douxie's addicted to) before hitting the town. Dancing, walking, and browsing the streets with their little shops was a fun way to spend the afternoon before you made your way to the venue. You noticed Douxie was being… a little bit more. A little closer, a little softer, a little jittery. You'd had a mind to ask him but he interrupted you every time he saw your curiosity scratching itself on his forearms, running off looking over his shoulder for you to follow. At some point, he'd asked to split up, absolutely not because he wanted to find something for you, or so he said. You spent the whole time he was gone absently searching for something in return, preoccupied with the thoughts on your arms and legs that were just so very Douxie.

"Oh! That's nice! No, no no no, this is your soulmate! Nice isn't great, it's between good and okay. Or would it be between good and alright? Which trumps the other? Blast it all, this store isn't helping," or "This store isn't at ALL what I thought it was... No! Don't think about that, if they see that on their arm I'll be the impatient one!"

You told him where you were after he seemed somewhat satisfied. He walked towards you, the grin on his face falling into a betrayed look of feigned shock as he watched you taking pictures of all the thoughts he'd forgotten you could see. He groaned as he sat beside you on a park bench, seeing just how much you'd read.

"Did I give it away already?"

"All I know is it's somewhere between great and good, or is alright the better word?" you teased.

He bumped your shoulder with his. "Cheeky," he smiled. "Let's head back to the campsite, eat a quick meal, and grab a good spot!"

After a light dinner, you'd managed to squeeze your way fairly close to the front, far enough from the stage to risk being squished. You'd been there a few hours when Papa Skull finally made their appearance, you and Douxie amongst the loudest welcoming them onstage. Not long into their hit song, "Mean", Douxie was nervous.

"I’m gonna do it. I don’t want them to spook..."

You glimpsed his concern on your forearm, unable to make much out in your excitement for the live music, but you knew he was working up to something. You let it be, curious to see what he'd do.

Douxie slowed his breathing. He really liked you so far, and although your mind was quick to dive into the gutter, he didn't want to scare you off. Your own mishap ended in him seeing you once before ghosting for nearly a month. Not to mention, he could tell how embarrassed his little experiments on the boat had made you, what with the whispering and all. It may have been a different kind of embarrassed, more flustered than mortified, but you'd never spoken out against anything. He didn't have a clear grasp of your boundaries. While he'd been searching for a gift for you, he'd wondered how he was going to give it to you. He settled for another first- nothing big, it was pretty cliché, but he enjoyed doing it and hoped you would too.

Douxie placed a hand on your upper arm to make sure you wouldn't startle, it was a bit difficult to get your attention. He slid his arm behind your back, looking to you for confirmation. Your nod made him sigh in relief as he planted his hand on the outside of your shoulder. He felt you laugh and nearly withdrew before you grabbed his hand and pulled so his arm draped over your shoulders, placing your other hand across his back and gently curling your fingers into his waist. You two shared a tender moment of silence before half-turning your attention back to the concert, both too caught up in each other to be in the moment.

He fingered the large box in his sweater pocket, withdrawing his hand. It could wait, he didn't want to risk you moving to look at it, and Mordrax forbid you take your warm hand from his side before he was ready.

Later, you both fell into your sleeping bags with a mighty puff of the air rushing out under the sudden weights, both heaving great sighs of relief. You looked over to him in silence, waiting for his gaze to meet yours. His head turned quickly, smiling wide. Laughter built between you until the pair of you were wiping tears from your eyes, still feeling the euphoria from the concert and one another. Once you relaxed again, Douxie got up and beckoned for you to do the same. You looked at him quizzically.

"If I know I'm hungry then you must be too, I eat less often than you," he reasoned.

Reluctantly, you got up, sad to leave your plush dollar-store sleeping bag. Douxie started the fire while you zipped the tent to swap your themed tour outfit for something more comfortable.

Douxie rustled through the bags back on the ship, pulling out leftovers from the diner in town. He made his way back to the now-blazing fire, sitting on a log to prepare the meal. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the glow of the lantern in the tent--

blimey, was the tent always that sheer? It was night and the lantern made it far too easy to see your silhouette. "Woah, looking away now!" Ah, he saw how appropriate the word "blimey" was in this case. While he did enjoy what he saw, part of him did want God to blind himself because he was 90% sure he'd just watched you remove your top without your knowledge. "God, I tease them constantly, but I'm just as bad, aren't I?" he realized. He quickly went back to warming the food, hands rushed and face pink.

You watched his fault write itself on your torso, cheeks just as flushed, although with a bit more amusement than he was feeling at the moment. You finished and stepped out, a smug look on your face. Wordlessly, you sat next to him, studying his reaction. He avoided your eyes, recognizing the glint they had when his thoughts betrayed him. You slid off the log, reclining against it and making a show of placing your arms behind your head.

"I guess I can't really complain, you are making me dinner first, as per your own terms," you said, nonchalant.

Douxie cursed himself. "How could I have been so bold?" he lamented with a sheepish smile. Time to change the subject. He looked around, searching for anything to talk about, settling on the flames that reminded him of the familiar he missed oh so much. He broke the comfortable silence and turned to you. "Would you like me to show you something?" The nondescript watch on his wrist extended, magical glamour falling to reveal his brace, now glowing with energy.

You nodded eagerly. His magic was comforting and beautiful, just like he was… wait. Why not mess with him a bit?

"One condition."

He withdrew his hands from their position in front of him, face earnest.

"Take off your sweater. I've seen your tattoos under your short sleeves, and I know they glow, wonderboy," you half-demanded. Payback and your own reward in one? You deserved to be a little stern.

He laughed, shrugging off his sweater before putting his hands at the ready once more. With a smile, he pushed and pulled the bonfire from where he sat beside you, flames turning his signature blue the more he manipulated them. It was beautiful, drowning the verdant green of the forest in a blue that belonged only to your soulmate. Douxie reveled in your amazement, fire magic a new experience for a novice such as yourself.

You turned your attention to his tattoos and your lips parted in wonder. You'd never seen them in full, runes you couldn't recognize glowing a vibrant blue. The swooping lines didn't move, but it seemed the light shining through them did, glow rippling below his skin. You slid back onto the log again, closer this time, and brushed your fingers over them. Douxie let the fire swirl to its original shape, goosebumps raising at your feather-light touch. They dimmed, once again their original grey, but you persisted, enthralled by the runes.

Douxie had never loved someone so much. Sure, you'd only known each other a few months, but he felt justified since you were his soulmate. As much as he still couldn't believe he'd met you after all that time, he was more amazed at how often it proved true that you were made to fit one another. Your humor, your joys, your sadness. It made itself apparent in how you walked towards him, the way you smiled when he called you. The comfort in your voice that he could feel through the phone. Your eyes. Oh, your eyes, how they did things to his heart.

He pulled himself from his thoughts, eyes roving over your body intently, latching onto any exposed skin. He was looking in pride at his thoughts of admiration, feeling almost as if they marked you as his. "A reminder," he thought, that right now, you belonged to one another. He brought his gaze back to those eyes of yours, now studying his face. The two of you looked at one another in silence, watching one another's eyes flick down and back again, faces drawing closer. His tongue darted out to moisten his slightly chapped lip, causing your breath to hitch. His heart jumped at the sound, snapping him from his daze. He gently lifted your hand from his bicep, shakily breathing the same air as you. He folded your fingers into his chill grasp, bringing them to his lips and pressing a long kiss to your knuckles before bowing his head to press your hand to his brow. You smiled, heart beating from your chest, then grabbed his sweater from between you two with your free hand and sliding it up to his back and over a shoulder. He slowly released your hand with a small chuckle, twirling the garment from his shoulders and placing it on your own. His hands dragged down to the beginning of the zipper and tugged it forward to secure it on your body, pulling you just that much closer. He lingered, smiling gently at you. This. This was a moment he hoped would never end.

His long fingers withdrew to finally warm the food, the 'almost' of what had just happened filling the comfortable silence of the forest clearing.

It'd been a few days since the Almost (your affectionate lament for the kiss that nearly was), and the tour was nearly over. Only a few days were left and you weren't ready for it to end. Maybe after this you and Douxie could spend more time at one another's flats, just to have each other around. Your home was your sanctuary, and you were already fully prepared to open it to him. You trusted him and were happy you'd ironed out your initial issues. For the most part, that is.

"What's this, Y/N?" Douxie asked. You were taken from your thoughts by his sudden question and gave him a puzzled look. He gestured to the 'trust issue' statement written boldly across his bare shoulder before going to sit next to you, the distance between you feeling like an emotional chasm. He used to sit closer before the Almost. "Is something the matter? Did I do something to make you cross?" His face was less puzzled now and more anxious.

"Well," you began, "It's nothing recent. Maybe it is? I keep dwelling on the past, and I feel I need to bring it up."

"Go for it, darling, anything you need," he rushed, turning his entire body to face you.

"I've been running most of my life, as is the curse of an immortal, but I’ve spent the last sixteen years of it searching for you. I kept asking you questions, trying to find you. As amusing as it was to play cat and mouse, I felt displaced and restless. Friends came and went, I scoured America in its entirety. A hint, a clue, something!" You rushed, breathing ragged. "Arcadia was my resignation, you know," you continued, quieter now. "I've stayed as long as I have because I gave up, too tired to keep running towards something, no matter how much I wanted it. No matter how much I wanted you, I--" your eyes filled with tears and you paused, choking on a sob. You sucked in a breath. He needed to hear this. *You* needed him to hear this. "It hurt when I realized you didn't remember our fleeting moments together in combat. I enjoyed sharing that moment of revealing ourselves to one another, but it hurts that I've chased that beautiful blue for the past eight centuries and you don't remember those two years of patrolling the canals.”

Douxie placed a hesitant hand on the small of your back and his eyes dropped from your face to the forest floor, remembering why he'd been so excited to meet you. He'd seen your reactions to his thoughts back in Italy but quickly had to move on. He and Archie had decided long ago that no matter what, they'd put Merlin's tasks above anything else. Even his soulmate. When he realized how close you were he got excited. He couldn't search for you, but he didn't see anything wrong if you found him first. Even then, he kept you at arm's length, scared of the consequences. Merlin's tower, how could he have been so thoughtless? Douxie had never stopped to consider how his constant moving around would affect you. He never took the concepts of soulmates all that seriously. Sure, he could daydream about being with someone made for him and refuse to date anyone until he met you, but it became real the night he found you. Too real. So he ran. Dancing around you, pretending he was doing you a favor with his vague answers and puzzling riddles. Then, he met you again. You were real once more. After his comical encounter with you, he was too preoccupied to sleep, absorbing the finality of having a soulmate. You had come into his life with a bang, a reminder that Merlin and his tasks didn't define who he was. What had shaped him were small influences of the people he'd met throughout the last millennium, including you.

You were worried. Douxie's brow was more creased than you'd ever seen it. His hand on your back grew clammy, the cold night air quickly cooling the fresh damp patch of your shirt.

"...Douxie?" you whispered, afraid your rant had gone too far. His head turned just a little too quickly and you gasped at the tears glistening in the moonlight. He choked on a few unsteady breaths, mouth half-forming words. You reached your hand for the bicep of the arm loosely wrapped around your waist, but before you could touch it, he spoke.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, drawing his hand away from your torso. The first of many large tears burst upon the wood of the log you sat upon. Whose tears they were no longer mattered when both of you began crying anew. You wrapped your fingers around the arm he removed from your side and placed it there once more, throwing your arms around his middle. He sobbed at this, heart happy that you still accepted him, and brought his other hand to clutch your head to his collarbone. He wasn't running anymore, he'd done what was asked of him and was finally able to let you catch up to him.

The two of you were too caught up in one another to notice but had either of you been paying attention, you would have seen each other's skin being adorned with countless words of adoration, regret, and joy.