#but it's always 'well my cis girl friends compliment me and i don't get a complex abt it'

[dreamyintersexouppy]

they're vagueing about how being aware of transmisogyny makes us hate cis women on bsky now

[molsno]

hey, sorry if this is out of line, but I'm a "theyfab" (pre-everything guy, waiting for top approval, rly sensitive to hormones so worried about t) dating a transfemme. I want her to feel loved and seen by me - she's also early in transition and I want her to know that me loving her as she is DOESNT mean I won't continue to love her as she grows and changes. She's pretty shy and her only trans girl friends are online. Anyway, I want to learn how to NOT be like the tme people you've interacted with. U can ignore this, but if u do have advice I'd love to hear it!

Also, I'm really sorry about the abuse you've endured. It's not fair. It's not acceptable.

hi, I honestly appreciate you asking for advice! that to me shows that you do really care about her and want to be good to her

I think the most important thing is to keep in mind that she's in an incredibly vulnerable and precarious position. it sounds to me like she doesn't have a big support network. it can be very hard to build something like that as a trans woman (especially early in transition) but it's something that's absolutely vital. a big problem that I think a lot of us face is becoming overly dependent on a tme person (or a few of them) which can be completely devastating if that person leaves. I think the best thing you can do to help her is to encourage her to make more friends of her own. ideally, they should NOT just be your friends that you're introducing her to. she needs to have friends and allies completely separate from you. you cannot do everything for her, nor should you be expecting/expected to - that's a fast way to make sure your relationship falls apart. above all - and this is key - is to understand that you don't own her. she's an independent person, and she deserves to have her own life and make her own choices about it

I feel I should also warn you that this is going to be a very tumultuous time for her. she is literally starting to undergo a second puberty, and it will be just as distressing, hormonal, and emotional as the first one. cut her some slack if she seems irritable or upset for seemingly no reason. for me and a lot of other trans women I know, this was one of the most dysphoria-inducing periods of our lives. it very well might be for her too. it's easy to be upset that the hormones aren't working, or that changes aren't happening fast enough, or that you'll be ugly or not feminine enough, etc. she may express doubts like this. offer her reassurance! it will take time for her to see the changes she wants to see, but they'll come. in the mean time, let her know whenever you notice changes in her. maybe you'll notice her skin is softer, or her hair looks more lush, or her face is rounding out, or her hips are getting wider. let her know that you see these things and compliment her. early transition can very well be a source of joy, if she's able to take pleasure in the little changes, and you can absolutely be a part of that process!

I don't know if your relationship involves sex, and I don't want to make any assumptions about how you two engage in it if so. however, this is a common experience I hear about, so I feel like I should tell you this. don't expect her to have sex with you like a cis man. not only can it be dysphoria-inducing to always have to top, her body will possibly not even be capable of that soon due to the effects of estrogen. if that's how you've been having sex up until now, you'll have to really reorient how you two do things. I haven't read it myself, but I've heard the zine "fucking trans women" by mira bellwether contains a lot of good information on this topic. you may find it useful! I think you can read it at this link, but I'm not sure. if any of my followers have a better link, go ahead and put it in the replies!

finally, and this is honestly just a good tip for relationships in general, listen to her. if she's upset about something, take her seriously and don't pass judgment on her. don't immediately jump on the defensive if she's upset about something you've done in particular. try to put yourself in her shoes and see things from her perspective. show her that she can talk to you about anything and you'll be receptive, and you'll be able to have open, honest communication much more often, which will lead to a much stronger and healthier relationship

thank you for sending this, and thank you for your reassurance about my own trauma as well. it really means a lot to me! it really helps me feel more optimistic to know that there are tme people who are willing to listen to us and be better allies to us. I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you, and I hope you can both be happy together!

before I go, I know I'm not that knowledgeable about your personal situation, but I would say that if you think testosterone would make you happier, you should pursue it! if you can obtain it, there's nothing wrong with taking it for a week or two, seeing how it makes you feel, and then deciding whether or not to keep taking it based on that. either way, I wish you the best!

[thwackamabob]

I don't know when I first read 'I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.' I think it was early 2018? At the time I think I rationalised it as, "Ah this is just me feeling weird about all my friends treating me as if I might be a threat, and closing ranks around their fellow girl if I fall out with one of them." Hi 16y/o Riley, that doesn't explain relating to everything about all-boys schools, and body hair and desperately clinging onto every scrap of androgyny you can. Please just have the realisation you were always going to had, that you sorta had FOUR YEARS PRIOR AND THEN STEPPED BACK FROM. Then you wouldn't be here with a body like this, getting buses back from nights out where you slept in someone else's bed, with visible stubble, a skirt, a sports bra and lacey shirt, and being paranoid about the possible reaction to your mere existence from every single person you see. God why does this still make me feel? "I hate that the only effective response I can give to “boys are shit” is “well I’m not a boy.”" YES. THIS. THIS WAS ALWAYS IT. Also, when I last read this, I wasn't out. I was barely out to myself as anything more than nonbinary (not that's not valid before anyone accuses me of anything, it was just a stopping of point *for me.*) But: "I don’t want to be treated like I have glass bones by well-intentioned cis friends. I don’t want to be told I am “so pretty” when I hate my reflection. It doesn’t make me feel better. It makes me feel worse, and it’s almost impossible to get cis people to turn it off." This. This is what the last year has been. I get so many compliments (usually on my makeup) from cis women, which I never see them ever say to each other. I also know it's objectively pretty fucking bad, often worse than what the people complimenting me have done. It's just an attempt to make me feel good, or, more accurately, to make them feel like good allies. You know what would do that better? Not always taking the side of the AFAB people (read: people you see as women) in the room in arguments, maybe considering that you don't know everything about the transfeminine experience by virtue of "Being A Good Ally" and telling me that groups are "trans-inclusive" because they're okay with you, an AFAB mostly-feminine-presenting person (who they can pretend are basically just women.)

God I'm fed up with all of my friends either being weird about my Being A Trans Woman or only being friends with me because they're also trans women. ... Wow we've got off topic. Erm, this essay made me feel a lot of things when I was a kid? And it's extremely weird to see it again now I'm out, and relating to new bits and understanding what exactly it used to make me feel. Jennifer Coates, wherever and whatever you're doing, I hope you're okay, and I hope you've found some sort of comfort with the world and your place in it. I really do.

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[theloveinc]

Okay, I have returned a third time for matchups! :)

So, I’m very quiet and introverted, and I have pretty bad anxiety which makes me pretty emotionally sensitive and not always very loving towards myself and my worth (we’re working on it). I don’t like being in spaces with a lot of noise, and similarly loud people stress me out. But I love my friends and anyone who tries to be my friend dearly, and I’m very willing to be a person’s friend if they are patient with me and treat me kindly. I try to be kind to everyone because the thought of being mean to people or making them feel bad on purpose makes me sad. I’ve been told I’m a very good listener and that I’m a really good source of emotional support for people when they need it. That said, I do love to be sarcastic with my loved ones who know I’m just joking. I’m also pretty smart, and I love writing, reading, and learning! I’ve been told that overall I have a very soft and gentle personality? I’m the mom friend for sure, hehe. Though there are things I’m stubborn over and will do my best to stand my ground about, and I think I’ve been getting better at that recently, too. And romance-wise, I would similarly just want something soft and quiet and gentle. Give me aaalll the forehead kisses and sweet nonsexual intimacy :D

Appearance-wise, I’m a really short cis girl with wavy brown hair and eyes, and I’m also kind of chubby. And I wear glasses because my eyesight is awful, haha.

So, the love of my life is Shouto, and I’d love to hear what a lovechild (haha) would be like! Thanks again Caitie, I’m sorry if this is a little late, I fell asleep when I sent the other asks last night! But I’m really excited for this! I hope you’re doing well!!! <3

anon, thank you for being so patient with me! I hope this makes up for it <333

create-a-kids: IN TRIAL

-

Let's see, for an Ano-roki baby (!!!), I think it's funny because you really can't tell... who they act more like. Given that you and Todoroki seem very similar in disposition, I'm sure your lovechild turns out a healthy combination of both of you in any and all directions, and is always complimented for being quite the star student (reading and working hard at school) and very generous (always offering to help others). Not exactly quiet, but not loud, either.

I also see you as having the type of child who starts off extremely shy and then gets very friendly. Holds on (very tightly) to either you or Todoroki at every event you go to until another child invites them to tag along, to which then they're opening up quite brightly. Definitely very loyal once they do, coming home from playdates and school + etc. talking about all the nice friends they made and everything fun they did (even if they get really quiet when someone they don't know starts asking them about stuff).

Problems arise, however, during the rare instances they get upset. I don't think it's very often given that they're both good natured (you) and well mannered (Todoroki)... but on the rare instances when they're tired or extremely attached to something... they're not going down without a fight. It's definitely Todoroki's own stubbornness multiplied by yours... that makes them always want to do (what they consider is) the right thing.

It isn't helped, either, by the fact that they're also extremely caring and sensitive, too. Not over anything dramatic but... they have lot of big feelings (like when you tell them you can't adopt the neighbor's cat), but it's nothing a few cuddles can't fix, as ultimately, both your + Todoroki's sweetness always ends up shining through.

As for looks... there's lots of interesting potential here. Part of me is laughing because I feel like if they ended up with your dark hair, they'd come out looking a little bit like Endeavor, and if they came out w/ silver hair... they'd look more like Rei. Either way, I love a little brown-haired, brown-eyed Shoto looking child (and he loves it, too).

I see it 50/50 for whether they'd be a girl or a boy!!!

[that-bookworm-guy]

Hey. I hope you don't mind me asking this, but I read your posts for pride and everything. I was really touched (and saddened) by what you wrote. What do you think is the number one thing cis members of the LGBTQ+ community can do to be good allies to trans people? Not just in pride month, but all year long.

Hey

Dont ask what my dead name is

Dont ask what's in my pants

Just don't ask them 2 questions.

If you see someone harassing a trans person (or honestly just a person in general) step in.

If you mess up pronouns, don't turn it into a big thing "oh it's so hard" "I'm so so so so so so so sorry." "I'm really trying I am it's just so hard." Just correct yourself and move on.

I have this woman at work who calls me she occasionally even though she has only known me as a guy. Who makes a big thing out of correcting herself loudly. That could out me to someone. Just correct yourself and move on. We know it's not always easy to get pronouns right. But seriously just move on. We don't want a big fuss about how hard it is.

If you out someone you deserve to get punched. Hard.

I don't care if you got trapped in a corner when someone asked if we are 'A boy or a girl' just say that we are our preferred gender and move on. Most people won't question it further. DO NOT OUT US. I don't care if your friend has loads of trans friends and is understanding. It's not your place. I don't care if your friend is trans also. It's not your place

Also don't out other people to other trans people. Just say you have a guy friend or girl friend. A lot of people want to live stealth (so people think they are cis) (not everyone) I don't care if someone else is trans. As long as they are a cool person. If they want to tell me they're trans they will. Don't tell me without their permission. And if they gave you permission to tell one person it doesn't mean they give you permission to tell another. If in doubt don't say anything.

If you see a trans person in the toilets. Shut up. Dont make a big deal of saying how nice they look (just because you know they are trans) if you want to compliment them, do it quietly or outside the toilets. It's scary, I want to be in and out of there quickly. I'm terrified. Luckily guys walk in without looking at others. Female toilets not so much. I was screamed at by a woman when I went in the female toilets (I was pre t still hasn't changed my name and was in guy clothes and binding. I had ID that showed I was a woman because security came in, happened in an airport, mum stepped in. And happened in a shopping centre.) it's fucking terrifying. If a trans woman feels brave enough to be in there, don't stare. If anything happens please for the love of god help them. Dont sit back. Say something.

"You look so good for a trans person." No. "You look so good." Better.

"I always knew." (If anyone comes out as lgbt. And if a trans person comes out pre transition or after) it's hard to come out. Even if you 'knew' based off guesses of what we do. Dont say it. Dont turn it around on you. Tell them you are proud of them and ask if there is anything you can do to help (preferred pronouns, new name)

"You'll always be a man/woman it's biology." Cool.... I know my sex is female I got that. But I want to be known as a guy. I'm transitioning to a guy.

Even if you don't get surgery, you're still valid. Even if you don't want hormones you're still valid. Dont question what someone is going to get done or had. If they want to tell you they will.

"Oh to be a real boy/girl You need to have/ do _" fuck off. To be a real boy, I need to be me. I don't need to have a six pack and pass extremely well. I need to be comfortable with me.

Hormones makes you gain shit loads of weight, or lose loads. Dont question it. We feel shitty enough as it is. Our fat distribution is changing. We are basically going through puberty again okay.

Any questions, try Google first. If that can be solved via that, great. If you want to ask us anything (apart from the two questions at the start), ask us. Education is the key to stopping ignorance.

Thanks for the ask and sorry it's so long

[daubigny-stan]

Gender stuff

Okay so everyone is allowed to question their gender right? Whether or not you end up trans or NB or whatever you can question right? Okay good

Because I’m having questions about mine.

For context, I’m currently a cis woman of color, I’m from Indonesia. And I can’t help but wonder if this line of questioning is coming from my failures to conform to my assigned gender. Now I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, I’m not even saying it is my main reason BUT I’m saying it might play a role.

To start with, there’s my appearance. I’m tall (1.68, Asian standards standards), on the thicker side (keep in mind, Asian standards), and I have dark skin. Indonesians come in all shades (literally all of them) but my peers would say I’m dark. So I am in complete contrast with the ideal Asian woman, which is petit, fair, and short. I don’t like to admit it, but these standards do get to me. I stick out like a sore thumb. I’m tall and wide compared to my smaller friends and it has always been that way since I was a kid.

It can be very hard for me to feel beautiful. Now I know, body neutrality is a thing that can be practiced in these scenarios but not feeling femininely beautiful can get to you. I date a lot and despite praises from numerous partners I have a very hard time telling myself I’m good looking. Colorism be damned.

There was a time I did feel a lot better than I do, a moment of clarity. When I started highschool I cut my hair super short because I was finally going to a more liberal school where I could take of my hijab. Instead of people avoiding me, I got compliments all the time. I loved dressing handsome when I could (we had to wear uniforms to school :/) and my female peers would just tell me how handsome I was. It felt really good. Well maybe because I also like girls, which adds another point to the “not conforming to the heteronormative notion of the female gender list”.

But like, I didn’t always want to be masculine even at the time. Right now, I’m discovering the magic of skirts and dresses, I love dressing feminine! But sometimes I just find myself wanting to erase every speck of femininity on my body. Which is harder than it used to be.

So as you can see it's quite the conundrum. I don't really need pronouns because the language i speak daily doesn't have gendered third person pronouns and in English it isn't really significant? But i guess i like the idea of they/them or she/they