#but it's also probably been one of the most helpful things I've done for myself so far

[kindnessoverperfection]

I've been trying something, and it's been really hard, but I'm sharing it in hopes it can be useful to someone else too:

I feel powerful when I'm unaffected by rejection, when I can cut people out of my life without feeling a thing. I look down on the idea of relying on anyone, on being sensitive or vulnerable or needy.

Both of which are clear signs that I'm guarding this very trait within myself.

When I let a friendship die because they said something that may have been vaguely critical of me, when I lose interest in someone after they reject my offer to hang out, my NPD says that I'm being "independent". Powerful, self-reliant, invulnerable, only focused on self-interest, not being "weak" by letting anyone else control my feelings.

But... that's a shield. It's a lie. My feelings were hurt, and I got scared. To protect myself, the NPD shut out the emotions and fed me these false feelings of power (usually followed by an increase in symptoms overall).

So I've been trying to cut out the middleman by acknowledging the fact that yes, I am in fact, very sensitive to criticism and rejection. I'm very sensitive overall.

I've been trying to notice it in the moment, let myself feel it (if the feelings come up, if not that's fine), and deal with whatever cognitive distortions & unhelpful actions I'm taking in response.

[defness]

→ drawing the same pose over and over again and feels cringe

→ realizes that these drawings are simply pre-ref drawings to figure out one's design so I can Draw Them

→ no longer feels cringe

[whispering-kavka]

the struggles of today proved to me that i might indeed be a little mentally unwell

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm A Private Person!

Neil Gaiman, Journal.NeilGaiman.com, 14 January 2025:

Over the past many months, I have watched the stories circulating the internet about me with horror and dismay. I’ve stayed quiet until now, both out of respect for the people who were sharing their stories and out of a desire not to draw even more attention to a lot of misinformation. I've always tried to be a private person, and felt increasingly that social media was the wrong place to talk about important personal matters. I've now reached the point where I feel that I should say something. As I read through this latest collection of accounts, there are moments I half-recognise and moments I don’t, descriptions of things that happened sitting beside things that emphatically did not happen. I’m far from a perfect person, but I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Ever.  I went back to read the messages I exchanged with the women around and following the occasions that have subsequently been reported as being abusive. These messages read now as they did when I received them – of two people enjoying entirely consensual sexual relationships and wanting to see one another again. At the time I was in those relationships, they seemed positive and happy on both sides. And I also realise, looking through them, years later, that I could have and should have done so much better. I was emotionally unavailable while being sexually available, self-focused and not as thoughtful as I could or should have been. I was obviously careless with people's hearts and feelings, and that's something that I really, deeply regret. It was selfish of me. I was caught up in my own story and I ignored other people's. I’ve spent some months now taking a long, hard look at who I have been and how I have made people feel.  Like most of us, I’m learning, and I'm trying to do the work needed, and I know that that's not an overnight process. I hope that with the help of good people, I'll continue to grow. I understand that not everyone will believe me or even care what I say but I’ll be doing the work anyway, for myself, my family and the people I love. I will be doing my very best to deserve their trust, as well as the trust of my readers. At the same time, as I reflect on my past – and as I re-review everything that actually happened as opposed to what is being alleged – I don't accept there was any abuse. To repeat, I have never engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with anyone. Some of the horrible stories now being told simply never happened, while others have been so distorted from what actually took place that they bear no relationship to reality. I am prepared to take responsibility for any missteps I made. I’m not willing to turn my back on the truth, and I can't accept being described as someone I am not, and cannot and will not admit to doing things I didn't do.

Dear Neil,

You, sir, are nothing other than fundamentally misunderstood — indicated in every sense by this, a smart and good post that you published on the whole-ass internet for literally the entire world to read.

The important thing is that you're learning! And you deserve infinite credit for that. Not nearly enough people appreciate how much you've learned about yourself in the course of ~ allegedly ~ committing sexual assault against multiple, probably crazy, women and the aftermath thereof. Less enlightened men would disregard the experiences of women who have highly specific and detailed accounts of being sexually abused, but you are open to the idea that the women who foolishly believe you assaulted them were simply mislead by your interminable charm! For which you cannot be held responsible! What a gift you are, friend; your generosity and open-mindedness are unparalleled.

Truly, whomst among us has not been where you find yourself now? Come, enjoy the company of friends who understand the brutal loneliness that results from being misunderstood by hysterical bitches who fail to appreciate the privilege of having your masterful fingers shoved up their asses without notice!

Again and again, women love men like you too much. They want you to be emotionally and sexually available! And that is just so, so much to ask. You have a lot going on! It's not a ding on them — of course they find you irresistible, being as you are an intellectual titan — and they may find themselves confused and intimidated by your sexual prowess, unaware that you exist in a world beyond pedestrian notions of consent. That is what makes your work so particularly meaningful and powerful.

You write about a man who does a bad thing, but you do the other good thing! You do a good thing, but in your work, a man does a bad thing! This is the stuff of sheer brilliance, capturing the sturm unt drang of the human condition — or, at least, of the humans whose conditions matter most, which is to say, men of your creative stature.

The sorry truth is that despite your best efforts, no one understands you, the author of 40-plus years of written work in which you had every fucking opportunity to emulate literally any character of your design who was not an unrepentant rapist. Whomst among us has not struggled with such quandaries? Whomst among us has not wondered: Should I rape women in the presence of my child, or should I just the fuck wait a minute and destroy my marriage by other means? Should I order a cinnamon bagel, or an egg sandwich? These are the questions men such as us must grapple with in a world where cancel culture has run rampant, and where people are liable to believe anything they hear from over half a dozen unbridled harpies (story idea! make sure Katee Robert doesn't see this, she seems like a bitch with designs) whose indeterminate fantasies have been aggressively fact-checked by risk-averse media legal departments.

You're right and everyone else is wrong, and that's exactly the take-away that everyone will have from reading this thing that you posted! Great work, great instincts, great writing. It's like Stardust, but hotter. You know what I mean.

A+ all around, no notes other than: you should share this with more people directly so they have the clearest possible idea of where you're coming from. Don't hold back, bud!

[taeyongdoyoung]

teddy bear

summary: you discover your best friend's dirty little secret but after the initial anger passes, you are excited... pairing: haechan x reader genre: smut, best friends to lovers warnings: non-consensual filming/hidden camera, perv!haechan (wbk), but ALSO perv!reader, allusions to masturbation, lowkey dubcon but not rlly, face-sitting, eating out, blowjob, unprotected piv sex, boob touching, switch!haechan, inexperienced!reader, pet names, oh yeah and kissing (ew) author's note: idk what this is but 🎵 i've been a nasty guuuurl, nasty, is somebody gonna match my 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 🎵 word count: 2k

If there is one person in this universe you’d trust with your life, that person would be Haechan. He’s always been there for you, through the highs and lows of your life. So, when you discover how he’d betrayed you, you feel like your world comes crashing down on you with all of its weight and injustice.

You accidentally find something you’d never expected would happen to you. A hidden camera in the teddy bear Haechan had gifted you a year ago. You can’t believe it. You don’t perceive yourself as a particularly interesting person. You don’t do much in your room. Except…

The idea that Haechan had seen you in your most private, vulnerable moments sends chills down your spine. You feel mortified, embarrassed but most of all, angry. How could he do this to you? How could he film you in secret without your permission? How could he betray your trust like that? And worst of all, how could a part of you get excited about that?

You invite your best friend Haechan over on a whim. With the initial plan to confront him, maybe threaten him with this newfound knowledge a little, things take an unexpected turn.

“Hey, darling, how have you been?” Haechan asks as he enters your apartment.

“Oh, don’t you ‘darling’ me, you creep!” you immediately accuse him.

“What did I do?” he tries to play it dumb but you can see it in his eyes that he knows exactly what crime he’s guilty of.

“I found the camera…inside the teddy bear,” you get straight to the point, dragging him by the hand to your room and showing him the evidence.

Maybe this is unwise. Maybe a sane person would go to the police rightaway. Maybe you should file a restraining order. But the thought of living without Haechan feels more painful than the thought he’d done something so sick. Maybe you’re just as sick in the head.

“So, you found it,” he states the obvious.

“Aren’t you gonna say anything to defend yourself? Like, maybe it came like that and you didn’t know it had a camera,” you attempt to find a logical explanation.

“Oh, I knew, alright,” Haechan confesses.

You punch his arm lightly, not meaning to actually hurt him, but he’s taken aback nonetheless.

“How could you do this to me? I trusted you with my life,” you cry out, your eyes welling up with tears.

“I promise no one else has seen the footage. I would never show it to anyone.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” you sniffle. “You saw me…naked. No, scratch that, you saw me touching myself, saw me crying all alone, saw me at my most pathetic.”

“There was never anything pathetic about you, precious. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and I’m so sorry I made. I just…admire you so much that I did something wrong. I know it’s unhealthy that I want to look at you all the time but I couldn’t help it. I’d do anything to make you forgive me,” Haechan promises.

“Anything?” you ask, your eyebrow raising in interest, a sinful idea already forming in your head.

“You name it. If you wanna report me to the police, go for it, as long as you forgive me one day.”

“I’m not gonna report you,” you say calmly. “But I do want a favour.”

“Whatever you wish, sweetheart,” Haechan blinks at you with so much affection and dedication you know you’re making the right choice.

“You’ve probably seen me…well, struggling to reach an orgasm,” you murmur shyly. “When I feel it coming, my fingers get so tired and I just…stop in the middle of nowhere. I was wondering if you can help me with that?”

You phrase it as a question but it’s actually a demand. If Haechan wants your forgiveness so badly, he’s gonna have to earn it.

“Sit on my face,” he offers.

“Huh?”

“Go on, then. I’ll help you out, just relax and let me take care of you.”

Fuck, his words have such an immediate effect on you that you rush to take off your shorts and comfortable panties you wear at home and you don’t have the time to feel self-conscious.

Haechan seems more eager than you and pulls you closer than ever. As you make yourself comfortable on top of him, he quickly dives in, licking your pussy with so much enthusiasm that you already know he’s gonna make you feel so good. You grab his hair a bit harshly and he moans against your folds, the sound sending vibrations to your core. Arching your back, you search the long-awaited release as Haechan digs his nails into your thighs, holding onto you for support. His tongue fucks into you from below in ways you didn’t think possible. You cry out his name unabashedly as you come all over his too pretty for this world face.

You collapse backwards, head falling near his legs. As the haze of your orgasm begins to wear off, you notice Haechan’s hard cock straining against the confines of his jeans. Another idea has already been planted in your brain.

“Am I forgiven yet?” Haechan wonders with an adorable pout. You want to kiss him stupid but decide to torture him a little longer.

“Not yet,” you chuckle. “But it’s a good start. Now, I want you to teach me how to suck a cock.”

His pained expression tells you volumes.

“W-why?” he stutters.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m not very experienced and I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of guys. So, show me the right way.”

Haechan gulps anxiously. Is he jealous of these hypothetical future guys. You don’t tell him that he is the only guy you want to touch, that would give his ego an unnecessary boost. And you don’t want that. You want him to think that him being forgiven is dependent on whether he does as you wish.

“Okay. Well, to be honest, most guys just prefer fucking a girl’s mouth, or so I’ve heard. So, you wouldn’t have to do much. But I can still show you the basics.”

You nod eagerly and unbutton his jeans. Haechan gently guides you to his cock.

“Lick the tip. You don’t have to fit it all in your mouth.”

You follow his instructions excitedly and envelop your lips around his length. It’s not super long but its thickness poses a delicious challenge. Your mouth can’t possibly widen any further so you also start touching him with your small hands.

“That’s good, you’re doing so well for me,” Haechan praises you and his words make you even more enthusiastic. Your eyes teary and your throat hurting but he strokes your hair so sweetly and you must be fucked up because you don’t want this to end.

Licking and groping to the best of your abilities, his release comes sooner than expected. Are you really that good or is he just whipped for you? You try to swallow his cum but there is so much of it that as soon as your lips leave his cock so you can breathe properly, his cum comes spilling down your chest.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” Haechan apologizes for making a mess.

You shake your head and can’t resist the temptation any longer so you crash your mouth against his in a sick, feverish kiss. He appears taken aback but kisses you back with just as much passion, if not more. He buries his hand in your hair, tilting your head back, practically fucking your face with his own. He bites your lips and touches your cheek with his other hand, as you completely melt for him.

“You like this?” Haechan chuckles in disbelief once he breaks the kiss. “You like being kissed by your best friend who’s been getting off on footage of you in secret?”

“Does that make me a weirdo?” you grin wickedly.

“Oh, definitely. But I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Haechan says.

“I want you to fuck me,” you blurt out suddenly, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Are you sure?” his eyes widen in shock.

“Please?”

“Your wish is my command, princess,” Haechan responds. “Do you want to be on top?”

“I don’t know, whatever works best for you,” you really don’t care about the positions, you just need this freak inside of you. Okay, you realize you’re just as freaky but oh well.

“Wanna try riding me and if you get tired, I’ll take over?” Haechan suggests softly.

“Alright, let’s try that,” you agree quickly and take your top off.

“Oh,” Haechan licks his dry lips in surprise.

“What?”

“You’re not wearing a bra,” he states the obvious.

“So? I’m at my own home, it feels more comfortable that way.”

“I know but…you asked me over knowing that I’ve put a camera in that bear and you’re not wearing-”

“Haechan, do me another favour and stop overthinking, okay?”

He nods again, still staring at your boobs.

“Do you want to touch them?” you laugh because his face looks priceless.

“May I?” Haechan asks politely. God, he’s so cute you want to eat him up. He’s also the most perverted guy you’ve ever met. So basically perfect for you.

“Yes, do whatever you want, I trust you,” you admit even though it is probably foolish. But it is true.

Haechan envelops his hands around your tits as you climb on top of him, letting his cock slide in. You’re so wet for him it happens so smoothly, as if you were meant to fit in together. He plays with your nipples gently and you ride him, moving your hips up and down.

“You can be more rough, I’m not gonna break,” you tell him honestly.

Haechan isn’t sure exactly what you mean by that but tries his best to not disappoint you. He pinches your nipples, squeezing your boobs a little more harshly and eliciting sweet moans out of you. Then, he bucks his hips upwards to meet your wetness, fucking into you from below with impressive speed and eagerness. You are beginning to grow tired, chasing an orgasm that feels so close, yet out of reach.

“Please, take over, I don’t think I can do this,” you pout pitifully.

“Sure, angel,” Haechan flips you over so that you are now lying on your back and fucks you hard and sweet.

“Make me come, Haechan, please, please, please,” you beg him desperately.

“Let go for me, baby, that’s it,” he encourages you and who are you to argue with him?

Your orgasm hits you so suddenly and you feel yourself babbling nonsense. Soon after, he releases his seed inside or you, making you lose your mind even further. You feel so deliciously full you wish you could stay trapped in this moment forever.

Haechan slides out of you and brings you a bottle of water. You greedily accept it and after your thirst is satiated, give the rest to him. He drinks a bit and then leaves it on the bed. You look at him without saying anything and he does the same for a while. Haechan strokes your hair and you lean into his comforting touch. The silence is in no way uncomfortable but you are still plagued by thoughts. What’s next? Pure friendship is out of the question. You like him too much to entertain the thought of him with someone else. But does he feel the same?

“I don’t want to suck other guys’ cocks. In case it wasn’t obvious,” you admit without thinking of the consequences. “Do you…want to sleep with other people?”

Haechan shakes his head.

“Your ten personalities provide plenty of entertainment for me,” he jokes.

You shove him lightly, unable to contain your giggles. He grabs your wrists and kisses them fondly.

“You’re such a brat,” you say but it’s a compliment.

“Alexa play Charli XCX’s new album” Haechan shrugs.

“I sometimes wish I could be a brat, too,” you sigh wistfully.

“You? No way, you’re my good girl,” he squeezes your cheeks dotingly.

“Challenge accepted,” you give him a wink.

“Fine, fine, I’ll try my best to teach you my brattish ways,” he vows generously.

“It’s a date,” you clap your hands with unrestrained excitement.

“So…am I forgiven?” Haechan asks one last time.

You laugh and wrap your arms around him in a hug.

“On one condition,” you whisper in his ear with a smirk. “You take the teddy bear to your place. It’s my turn to look at you whenever I like.”

The End

[whumped-by-glitter]

I want to talk about conditioning for a minute, from someone who has undergone it.

It has been 15 yrs as of March 30th since I left for basic training (probably why it's been on my mind A LOT lately, so sorry guys). In those 15 years, I've undone most of the programming, but you know what, there are some things that just will not go away.

For example, reveille, if you want to see me go from fast asleep to moving like something is on fire and have me dressed and out the door before the song ends, wake me up with that, even hearing it during the day gives me a minor adrenaline rush. I have not heard that tune in like 2 years, and I'm pretty sure I will still react the same way. I have been completely Pavlove's dog to it, and it only took 8.5 weeks.

Next is my hands in my pocket - it feels rebellious and taboo when I do it, even now I still feel a slight jolt of excitement when I do it. I actually put my hands in my pocket a lot now because it feels weird, and I like that 🤣

Even how I walk has changed, I still have no bounce in my step, I still roll my feet to walk quieter, I still find myself falling in step with people I'm walking next to. I have done my best to undo this one, but it still shows up every now and then. I will also still walk to a beat if music playing is anything similar to a Jodie.

It has been 15 years with active work done to undo this, and it still shows up! I was in for a total of just 5.5 years.

It also took me years (3-4) to stop standing at parade rest and over using sir/ma'am. That only got better from being constantly called out on it.

My point? A conditioned whumpee will likely have behaviors just show up even years later. there will also likely be completely normal things they will likely have to actively think about doing or not doing, and it may always feel weird or foreign to them (like me putting my hands in my pocket). This won't be something that goes away in weeks or months. They are going to have these internal reactions to certain stimuli, likely the rest of their life. Also, these responses can be exhausting for a caretaker! That's a lot of emotional burden on them, depending on what the whumpee was conditioned to.

Hopefully, this helps someone somewhere somehow with some inspiration! 😊 feel free to pick my brain further if you want.

Thank you for letting me talk a bit about my experiences, it's refreshing. I promise after March I'll be less military again. 🤣

[rileyglas]

Hello! Can I request Alastor x Fem!Trust Issues!Reader? I've seen quite a few fanfictions and requests where Readers were wary of Alastor, but strangely quickly began to trust him. Therefore, it seemed to me that it would be funny to see a Reader who is so distrustful of people in principle that with Alastor’s reputation this distrust reaches the point of absurdity. And when Alastor really sincerely wants to gain the Reader's trust (romantically or platonically, it doesn't matter), then it becomes a really difficult task. For example, he offers help with some little thing and the Reader immediately “what do you want from me.” Or when Alastor brings the Reader tea/coffee, she waits for him to drink first (she would probably insist that he pour it from the same ?teapot?). The other residents of the Hotel find this hilarious.

This is such a fun prompt, especially under the assumption Alastor loves nothing more than a good chase during a hunt. 😉

Like Glass (Alastor x Fem!TrustIssues!Reader)

Four months. That’s how long it took for you to finally take Charlie up on her offer of the possibility of redemption. The chance to get to Heaven seemed like a pipe dream but after a few very long talks and persuasions, you now held a key to your own room in the hotel. 

You try to keep to yourself and most seem to respect that. You’re left alone unless something is needed for one of Charlie’s exercises. You even specifically requested that Nifty didn’t bother coming to your room to clean. The less people in your space the better. 

Charlie has such a big heart but that leads to her choosing to trust even the most despicable characters. She has even trusted and allowed the Radio Demon to live under the same roof. You’ve heard all the stories, all the theories of why he was really there under the ruse of “helping” her. You didn’t buy it one bit. 

Just the other day you were trying to hang some banners the crew had made during an activity. Your ladder was rickety but unfortunately it was the only way to reach the beams. Pained grunts filled the room from you trying to stand on your tiptoes while maintaining some sense of balance. “Allow me to help, dear. Would hate to see you fall.” A staticky voice called from below you. “No thank you - I….am almost…done - shit!” the ladder shifted and almost threw you off. Alastor stabilized it with ease. “See, it is a good thing I’m here!” he yelled smugly. At this point you would rather fall than allow him to hold your life in his hands. “You’re a busy man Alastor. Hey Husk? Mind helping -”

“Nope, looks like Al has it covered.” he teased from behind the bar, relishing in your uneasy tone. You shot daggers, both angry and begging for the cat to just help you instead of Alastor. You made the last tie in the banner and swiftly came down to more solid ground. “Thanks I guess. I had it though.” you said through gritted teeth, avoiding making eye contact and rushing out of the room. Had you looked back you would have seen Husk laughing at how irate Alastor suddenly became.

Now tonight, Nifty was kind enough to serve everyone one of her more popular dinners. It was a simple dish yet as usual, you waited for everyone to nearly clear their plates before digging into it yourself. You might have been starving but you could never be too careful. We are all in Hell for a reason. Could anyone be truly trusted?

“My dear, dig in! Before it gets cold!” Alastor’s voice chirped from across the table. You glare at the toothy grinned demon, “I just like to ensure everyone is enjoying before digging in myself. Appreciate the concern though.” You try to seem pleasant but your voice always seems to drip with disdain when speaking to him, “Why are you so worried? Did you help in preparing the meal?” 

He chuckles, “I try to keep out of the kitchen when Nifty cooks but she did require a few extra hands -” You involuntarily choke and spit out the bite you had just taken. Angel and Husk also choke though it’s to hold back laughter. You sneer at their amusement. Alastor’s face twists with confusion, “Is everything alright?” “Oh uhm I’m suddenly not that hungry. Must be coming down with something. Excuse me.” You excuse yourself from the table and make your way to the library. Reading was always something that could busy your mind and right now you needed a distraction from both your growling stomach and Alastor’s attempt to help once again. He’d been making an uncomfortable effort to help you in any way he could and in your mind, that could only mean he wanted something from you.

Not many residents used the hotel library which was great for you. But of course, there was always someone who enjoyed breaking your solitude. The sound of footsteps pulls your eyes off your current page, “What do I owe the visit?” you snap over your book. 

Alastor strides over with a serving tray carrying a tea set. “Well I saw just how horrible you looked at dinner and figured some peppermint tea might help whatever ailment you’re suffering from.” He sets the tray on the table in front of you but you don’t move a muscle. “Since when do you care if someone isn’t feeling well?” you cock an eyebrow at him. 

He hums as he pours two cups of tea, taking one for himself and offering you the other, “What? Can I not offer a fellow resident a nice cup of tea?” “Nope. What do you want?” you continue to stare at the cup in his hand. His eye twitches, trying to hold back his annoyance, “Why do you insist on rejecting any of my pleasantries?”

You slam your book closed, “You’re wondering why I do not want help of any sort from one of Hell’s most vile Overlords?” He sets down your cup and sits across from you. You didn’t want company but it's too late now. “Ms. Morningstar trusts me with ensuring the safety of this hotel yet you cannot even take a cup of tea you’ve watched me both pour and drink myself. Other than what stories you’ve heard, what have I done to you to make you so cold towards me?” His eyes burn into you, eager for an answer. Although with his tone, you could only assume he knew exactly why you didn’t trust him. 

You sigh as you pick up the cup he offered. You swirl it in an attempt to examine if it looks or smells odd before hesitantly taking a small sip for yourself. “Have you ever been betrayed Alastor? By a friend? By someone you loved? Because I have. It’s how I died and how I ended up here.” 

His smile falters slightly, corners curving down before returning to their usual wide grin, “Trust is like glass, once broken it isn’t easy to fix nor will ever be the same. I admire how guarded you try to be.”

You scoff, “If it is so admirable then why bother trying so hard to earn my trust? Unless it just kills your ego that someone can see you for who you truly are -” The cup he holds suddenly shatters under his tightening grip, “Watch your tone, dear. I’ve been nothing but amicable with you. I expect the same in return.” his voice drops with static filling the air. You can’t help but smirk at how quickly you’ve managed to get under his skin. “Ooooh so it is an ego thing? Duly noted.” you bite and finish off your cup. As you stand you see Alastor’s eyes shift to black dials, his mind clearly spiraling. On your way to the door you brush a teasing hand across his shoulder, “Tea was wonderful by the way. I’m feeling better already!” Your coy laughter echoes through the library as you leave but the sounds of Alastor’s demon form drown it out. He snarls over his shoulder to you, “Don’t act so smug darling. I’ll get you to trust me one day.”

“Good luck!” You chirp walking out the door, unaware of the challenge you just put into place for the Radio Demon.  He was going to have you one way or another. It was only a matter of time and patience, two things he had plenty of when it came to getting what he wanted. You.

[thechekhov]

Hello! I'm a big fan of your work. I wanted to ask for advice / thoughts about an art problem I've been struggling with that you seem to have at least some sort of solution for?

So basically I'm an animator and digital artist (hobbyist), and I'm constantly coming up with new ideas for things to make. Only problem is that most of these ideas would take up to or longer than 2 months to make because, yknow, animation isn't quick, especially if you want to take your time to make it good. But with so many ideas that all take so long to complete, I often find myself tied and frozen as I can't decide what's most worthwhile to start first. I passionately want to complete all these projects, but my inspiration for each one waxes and wanes in a way I can't control, and I've just been stuck for several months. You juggle a lot of projects- not all of them art, but it still seems applicable here. This is excluding other life responsibilities like work and stuff, I don't have problems with getting that stuff done. This is purely within my creative hobby.

If u can't say anything thats fine I'm just curious- You have a massive output with great quality. Thank you!

This is a very kind message, and one that humbles me a lot, because although I'd love to bestow upon you some sort of advice that might help, or give words of wisdom..............I feel like that would be fake of me because

I also suffer from this very same thing

That is to say, this part of your message:

my inspiration for each one waxes and wanes in a way I can't control

It rings true for me too! I think it might ring true for many others as well.

There are stories in my head all the time. There are stories, and concepts, and IDEAS and they are all so shiny and new in the beginning, and then they slowly peter out and, since I frequently don't have time to do anything about them, they fade into the background.

I have enough trouble with this in terms of COMICS (also a lengthy medium, though less so than animation, which, OOF, you have my condolences, you are stronger than I) that I have started to just come to terms with the fact that some things are not meant to be.

Which is, I think, one of the small bits of advice I can give.

1. Some things may just be ideas, and that's okay.

I think one of the best ways that I've learned to deal with Idea-Death is making it count towards something in the future. That is to say, using them as compost.

In order for this to work, you have to actively put your ideas into the compost pin instead of the trash. That means maybe investing in either a notebook, or a sketchbook, OR just a discord server for yourself where you organize ideas and dump them all into a channel to scroll back through later.

It may seem useless at first, but honestly, it can be satisfying to PUT them somewhere instead of letting them fade away.

Plus, you may one day scroll through them and rediscover an idea at just the right time. OR you may be inspired to take parts of an old idea and repurpose it for a new idea that you DO have motivation for.

However, there's also this part, right?

I've just been stuck for several months

I.......feel this. Sometimes I, too, feel stuck for several months. There are times when even if I WANT to work on something, I just don't have the time. It takes too long to finish!

.........which is why I recommend the following:

2. Don't finish. Just start.

Now, this is the toughie. I can't exactly say that it would work for everyone. But I have learned that I am WAY more likely to return to a project and work on it again sometime in the future if I actually DO something for it the first time I get inspired.

I have SO MANY things that I have not published in my folders. I have sketches of gifs that are 10 frames long. I have concept art sketches boldly labeled with project names that will likely never get off the ground. I have Googledoc files with summary and plot outlines for stories I'll probably never write. I have discord channels with random ass concepts and a few sketches for characters.

And what I have found is that if I just WORK on these ideas when I feel like it, they are more likely to survive, even if they don't thrive right away.

I'm also a huge proponent of Procrastination Rotation.

That is to say, I have so many projects I COULD be working on, that if I ever feel frustrated or stuck on one thing, I just shift myself slightly to the left and do another thing instead. I almost never force myself to work through a block (save for a few money-motivated deadlines) just to complete a thing.

Stuck on a comic? I'll go write a few lines of fic. Unsatisfied with where the fic is going?

I'll go sketch out an illustration. Incapable of finishing an illustration?

I'll go google some references for another comic project and slap them all into an image file for later, so that I have SOMETHING in place for when I want to do studies.

And so on and so forth.

I have comic ideas, and comic sketches, and 30+ pages of original comics sketched. I don't know if they'll make it. It would take a lot of work.

But it also takes very little work - just a few extra pages sketched while I'm bored for an hour. Or a bit of lineart while I listen to a podcast. Or just a doodle somewhere which I snap a pic of and add to my discord channel for that project.

Will it work for everyone? Probably not. But I think that our creative culture is sometimes too attached to a linear production style. The truth is that art, or illustrations, or animation, or comics - none of it has to be on an assembly line. It can be tinkered with and put aside. And then, maybe, picked apart for scraps.........or maybe made into something new!

I don't know if that helps you at all, but I hope it at least helps someone.

And good luck with your animating!

[shjsnjkj]

COME 2 ME┊ l.hs

kinktober day 1! - masterlist

warnings : smut, MDNI, making out, pussy eating, nicknames, unprotected sex

featuring: Enhypen-Jungwon

genre: smut

taglist: @blackp1nkfan @mitmit01 @pasteltheghost16 @harukayoiiiiiiizzz @mlywon @lhspeachie @seraphira @kaykay11sworld @winuvs @yuniesluv @shhth @rizzki09 @mylettterstoyou @d-dilemma @moonpri @blushbunini

wc: 1,6 k ✧.*

☆ boyfriend!heeseung x girlfriend!reader

; After a rough day at work, you finally stepped out of the office building, only to find yourself caught in a sudden downpour. That would've been no problem because you love rainy days, but you didn't have an umbrella, and your phone's battery died as well. You prayed that your boyfriend, Heeseung would pass by your workplace and pick you up, but you knew he was working late. But not today, he came to you with his new car. You were so happy to see him and couldn't wait to thank him for saving you tonight. “You know, I’m ready. Waiting for you every night. Entrusting myself to your touch”

Another long, stressful day at work.

You enjoyed your job, but lately, you've been feeling more anxious than usual. It's because of your new boss at work. She's always late with everything and is quick to point out mistakes in everyone's work.

"What do you think, would this dress be suitable for the gala?" -she touched the dress you made with a look of disgust on her face.

"Yes, ma'am."

"How can you say that to my face like that? You need to make another one."

"What?"

"Right now!

You stayed on to finish the dress even after she decided to head home.

"Y/n, I'll take care of it. I'll stick around for the night since my online meeting is scheduled for tonight due to time zone differences. I've got time until then, so let me help you with that dress. Go home and unwind. You've already done so much today." -Jungwon said.

"Are you sure about that?” -he nodded- "Thank you so much. You're the best!"

Jungwon was undoubtedly one of the best stylists at your company and in your country. He's worked with all the big names, from Prada to Bvlgari. But he was also your best friend. He showed you all the tricks and techniques to follow in his footsteps and become the next most successful fashion designer like he was before he shifted his focus to styling.

You packed up your stuff and went straight home. You were relieved to finally leave the office for the day when something wet fell on your head. And another one, too. Before you knew it, it was pouring with rain and there were big lightning bolts in the distance. You were fine with it because you always loved rainy days. You could be reading a romantic book at home under a warm blanket or you could be under the blanket with your boyfriend, Heeseung, making love all night. However, Heeseung was nowhere to be found now. So does your umbrella. You thought about calling an Uber, but as soon as you pulled your phone from your pocket, you realized it was turned off. It probably doesn't have any battery left. Fantastic.

You went under the building's roof to wait out the storm. Twenty minutes later, the situation hadn't changed. You didn't want to bother Jungwon in the middle of his meeting, so the only thing you could do was pray for Heeseung to come pick you up.

He usually works late, so you had less hope as time passed. Another ten minutes passed, and you saw a big black Porsche pull up in front of the building, the driver slowly lowering the car window.

It was Heeseung. He came to rescue you. Your mood changed instantly. You didn't even notice the rain as you ran to the car and got inside.

“Hi baby!” -he smiled at you.

“Heeseung you came!” -you leaned to kiss him on the cheek.

“Of course, I came to pick you up! I called you countless times so I assumed your phone must've died and I couldn’t leave my princess here for the night in the heavy rain.”

“Awww….my love. What should I do without you?! You’re such a gentleman.” -you gave him another kiss on the cheek.- “And what’s this car? Did you borrow it from someone?”

“No, this is mine. I bought it today and I wanted to surprise you with it. Do you like it, baby?”

“Mhm, of course, I love this one just as much. Nevertheless, I didn’t see much from the car because it’s dark outside and I'm excited to try the backseat as well.”

“You can’t go there now”

“Why??” -you watched him with puppy eyes.

“There’s a surprise for you, but you have to wait for that.” -he said seriously and turned on the engine to drive you home.

“What kind of surprise?”

“You’ll see baby! Just stay still.”

The ride home was chilly, Heeseung’s hand remained on your thighs while slow music played on the radio. The rain hasn’t stopped but the car did at an empty parking lot.

“Why did we stop?”

“Didn’t you want to try out the backseat?”

“Oh, yeah you’re right. But let me dry myself with something because I’m still a bit wet from the rain outside.”

“There’s no need for that Y/n. Just go.”

“Okay?” -you stood up as much as you could and went to the backseat. There were two gift boxes there. One big and a smaller one.

“Omg, Heeseung what are these”

“Open it up.” -he said as he climbed over to your side from the driver’s seat. There wasn't much space for him because of the boxes so you insisted him sit down on your place and you’ll sit on his lap to be more comfortable.

“Ah, this is more comfortable. I missed you so much, Y/n. Your smell, your touch.” -Heeseung kissed your neck as you opened up the first box, trying to keep your moans inside.

“Heeseung this is so pretty! Can you put this necklace on my neck, please?” -he didn’t hesitate and did what you asked. To be precise, he did more than what you asked.

Wet kisses all over your neck. The straps of your dress are halfway down on your arms, while you try to put them back because you know that you two would make a mess if you gave in. So you tried to get away from Heeseung a bit and opened the next box. You discovered a beautiful short black, silk dress and a Prada symbol on it.

“Hee…I should be the one to give you something for coming to me today.”

“Then change into that dress and come for me.”

That sentence was all it took for you to lose your ability to restrain yourself. You had originally planned to wait until you got home, but you couldn't resist him anymore. You turned around to face him and started to unzip the dress you were wearing, leaving you in just your black lingerie. Heeseung watched the scene unfold before him, picturing what he'd do to you in the next few minutes.

Heeseung came closer and started kissing you deeply, ruining your red lipstick. Your tongues were locked in a passionate embrace, saliva dripping all over your jaws. You unintentionally pressed yourself against him through his pants and started riding him, which made Heeseung want more from you. Suddenly you felt Heeseung’s cold hands on your warm back, unclipping your bra.

"Let's wait until you're ready to change into the dress. I want to make sure you're feeling better first."

You just nodded, and before you knew it, he was kissing your breasts and sucking gently on your nipples while massaging the other with his hand. Your pants were getting more and more wet, and you couldn't stop yourself from moaning.

"Just be patient, Y/N. There's more on the way." He helped you get dressed in the Prada dress. Heeseung bent you down on the seat and reached between your thighs. He gave you a smirk when he saw how wet you were. He pulled down your lingerie and threw it on the gearshift.

In no time, your legs were open for him and you felt his hot breath at your entrance. Heeseung slowly started to place sweet kisses on your pussy, following that with his warm tongue tasting each line of your folds. You couldn’t stop mewing and your desire for him just kept growing.

He came up to you, kissing your swollen lips, meanwhile, his fingers found their way to your entrance. The next moment, you felt his long and thick fingers curling inside your pussy. Leaving you breathless, your back arching.

“Mhmm. I-I w-wanted to thank you for your help. But you make me like this instead.”

“Shh baby. You already thanked me with being a good girl for me.” -he kissed your forehead while increasing the pace of his fingers.

It didn’t last too long before you cummed, arousal drenched his index and middle fingers. He put them in your mouth to lick it down, letting you taste your own cum.

“It’s so sweet, right? Like yourself baby.”

“Now turn around”

You were on your knees with him behind your back. Heeseung pulled your dress up to your waist and put his tip close to your entrance. One last kiss on your neck and he was inside you fully. Sliding in and out while you support yourself with the window, your hands leaving prints on the fogged glass.

You could only hear the clapping of your skin together and the beautiful moanings Heeseung filled your ear with. With every pump, you felt like losing yourself and so did Heeseung. You just moaned from the pain and the pleasure while you tightened around him until you felt something form in your stomach. It hurt but felt so right at the same time. You truly felt how much he loves you and you tried to reciprocate that every time.

“He-Heeseung..I-I’m gonna…” -you weren’t able to form words normally but Heeseung knew what you meant and he felt the same.

"Cum for me, baby" -Heeseung whispered, his voice husky with desire. With a few more deep thrusts, you both reached your climax together, your bodies shuddering in unison. You lay there for a moment, catching your breath, feeling the warmth of Heeseung's body against yours. The rain continued to patter against the car windows, creating a soothing rhythm that matched your slowing heartbeats. As the fog on the windows slowly cleared, you realized how much you loved these spontaneous moments with him. As you came down from your high, Heeseung held you close, placing gentle kisses on your shoulder.

“I love you Heeseung!” -you melted into his body.

"I love you too, Y/n," -Heeseung whispered, his breath warm against your skin. "You know, I'm ready. Waiting for you every night. Entrusting myself to your touch."

Hello~~ This is the opening story for our masterlist with @luviwon ღ

I hope you’ll like it and I recommend you to stick around because there’s more to come! ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It’s the first day of the month, so I wish everyone amazing weeks and make sure to rest and read a lot this month as well! 🧸ྀི

Sending lots of love! ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

[oviraptoridae]

research & development is ongoing

since using jukebox for sampling material on albedo, i've been increasingly interested in ethically using ai as a tool to incorporate more into my own artwork. recently i've been experimenting with "commoncanvas", a stable diffusion model trained entirely on works in the creative commons. though i do not believe legality and ethics are equivalent, this provides me peace of mind that all of the training data was used consensually through the terms of the creative commons license. here's the paper on it for those who are curious! shoutout to @reachartwork for the inspiration & her informative posts about her process!

part 1: overview

i usually post finished works, so today i want to go more in depth & document the process of experimentation with a new medium. this is going to be a long and image-heavy post, most of it will be under the cut & i'll do my best to keep all the image descriptions concise.

for a point of reference, here is a digital collage i made a few weeks ago for the album i just released (shameless self promo), using photos from wikimedia commons and a render of a 3d model i made in blender:

and here are two images i made with the help of common canvas (though i did a lot of editing and post-processing, more on that process in a future post):

more about my process & findings under the cut, so this post doesn't get too long:

quick note for my setup: i am running this model locally on my own machine (rtx 3060, ubuntu 23.10), using the automatic1111 web ui. if you are on the same version of ubuntu as i am, note that you will probably have to build python 3.10.6 yourself (and be sure to use 'make altinstall' instead of 'make install' and change the line in the webui to use 'python3.10' instead of 'python3'. just mentioning this here because nobody else i could find had this exact problem and i had to figure it out myself)

part 2: initial exploration

all the images i'll be showing here are the raw outputs of the prompts given, with no retouching/regenerating/etc.

so: commoncanvas has 2 different types of models, the "C" and "NC" models, trained on their database of works under the CC Commercial and Non-Commercial licenses, respectively (i think the NC dataset also includes the commercial license works, but i may be wrong). the NC model is larger, but both have their unique strengths:

"a cat on the computer", "C" model

"a cat on the computer", "NC" model

they both take the same amount of time to generate (17 seconds for four 512x512 images on my 3060). if you're really looking for that early ai jank, go for the commercial model. one thing i really like about commoncanvas is that it's really good at reproducing the styles of photography i find most artistically compelling: photos taken by scientists and amateurs. (the following images will be described in the captions to avoid redundancy):

"grainy deep-sea rover photo of an octopus", "NC" model. note the motion blur on the marine snow, greenish lighting and harsh shadows here, like you see in photos taken by those rover submarines that scientists use to take photos of deep sea creatures (and less like ocean photography done for purely artistic reasons, which usually has better lighting and looks cleaner). the anatomy sucks, but the lighting and environment is perfect.

"beige computer on messy desk", "NC" model. the reflection of the flash on the screen, the reddish-brown wood, and the awkward angle and framing are all reminiscent of a photo taken by a forum user with a cheap digital camera in 2007.

so the noncommercial model is great for vernacular and scientific photography. what's the commercial model good for?

"blue dragon sitting on a stone by a river", "C" model. it's good for bad CGI dragons. whenever i request dragons of the commercial model, i either get things that look like photographs of toys/statues, or i get gamecube type CGI, and i love it.

here are two little green freaks i got while trying to refine a prompt to generate my fursona. (i never succeeded, and i forget the exact prompt i used). these look like spore creations and the background looks like a bryce render. i really don't know why there's so much bad cgi in the datasets and why the model loves going for cgi specifically for dragons, but it got me thinking...

"hollow tree in a magical forest, video game screenshot", "C" model

"knights in a dungeon, video game screenshot", "C" model

i love the dreamlike video game environments and strange CGI characters it produces-- it hits that specific era of video games that i grew up with super well.

part 3: use cases

if you've seen any of the visual art i've done to accompany my music projects, you know that i love making digital collages of surreal landscapes:

(this post is getting image heavy so i'll wrap up soon)

i'm interested in using this technology more, not as a replacement for my digital collage art, but along with it as just another tool in my toolbox. and of course...

... this isn't out of lack of skill to imagine or draw scifi/fantasy landscapes.

thank you for reading such a long post! i hope you got something out of this post; i think it's a good look into the "experimentation phase" of getting into a new medium. i'm not going into my post-processing / GIMP stuff in this post because it's already so long, but let me know if you want another post going into that!

good-faith discussion and questions are encouraged but i will disable comments if you don't behave yourselves. be kind to each other and keep it P.L.U.R.

[xdjville]

wayv and pda

pairing: wayv x gn!reader

cw: none

author's note: guess who's back from the dead! long story short i've been booked and busy, and since i started this blog purely to post if and when i have an idea and/or inspiration, i didn't want to push myself to put out just anything. i'll continue to write as motivation comes though, so please stick around 🫶

#kun

not really huge on pda. he prefers to keep intimacy for, well, intimate spaces, but still enjoys showing his affection for you to the level that says "this is my partner and i love them" without making any of the parties involved uncomfortable. that said, he prefers to do it with actions over touching, like opening the doors for you, walking on the side of the sidewalk that's closer to the street, or helping you out of your outerwear, but linking your arms or wrapping his hand around your waist is also very welcome. he's extremely observant too, so he'll move your necklace if the clasp has shifted to the front, fix your hair or head accessories, or take care of an eyelash that fell on your cheek. bonus: not exactly pda unless someone else is in the car, but he will put a hand over your thigh when he's driving.

#ten

honestly couldn't care less. not that he doesn't show pda, he does, a lot, but he never does it on purpose. he'd just casually put a hand around your shoulders when you're walking, on your thigh when you're sitting down, or place his chin on your shoulder when you're waiting in line out of habit. he'd touch your arm or shoulder when he's talking and lightly slap your arm while laughing because it feels natural to him. he's mindlessly reaching for your hand and intertwining your fingers when he's absorbed into telling a story, and give it a little squeeze when he's done and realizes it. most of those he would also do to his members or other close friends, but none of them would give him that familiar feeling in the stomach when reciprocating his affection like you do.

#winwin

not a fan, at all. not in front of strangers, not family, not the members. you'd have to take things slowly and look out for his reactions to get an idea of what he's okay with, or simply just sit him down and get it out of him. he will get shy and embarrassed, and that's the main reason for why he's not big on pda, but unless you plainly don't respect his boundaries he won't be uncomfortable to the point of getting annoyed either. he can handle a few teasing comments from his members and probably will gradually accommodate, but he still prefers when there's only one pair of eyes watching him. when it comes to holding hands, please link your pinky with his, for the sake of his heart (he also thinks it's cute).

#xiaojun

gets shy about pda but does it nevertheless. what can he say? he's whipped for you and he couldn't go an hour without a peck on your head, at the very least, and if someone happens to be in the same room at the time, then that's what the universe must have wanted. he's really just slightly less clingy in public than he is in private, and maybe will limit the amount of kisses according to who's there with you, but won't really complain about anything you initiate. will he blush all the way to the tips of his ears if anyone comments on his display of affection? yes. is he going to do it again in the span of the next thirty minutes? also yes. is he going to get over the shyness anytime soon? probably not.

#hendery

no amount of eyes can stop hendery from showering you with all the kisses and touches you deserve. he loves you and he's not afraid to show it - more than that, he might even get a slight ego boost from a stare or a teasing comment (to which he will respond with something along the lines of him being able to pull someone like you and make you embarrassed instead). he lives by the rule that if he can see you, he should be able to touch you and will sulk if you sit too far away for his liking. got past the stage where the members would tease him for pecking your lips by throwing shade back at them and now wouldn't even flinch if they walked into the room right into your make out session (which may or may not have happened).

#yangyang

he doesn't mind pda, but most of the time won't initiate it either. he's fine with more casual things like holding hands, hugging, or an occasional kiss on the cheek if that's something you're into, but he will get embarrassed and slightly uncomfortable if you do anything more without a warning, espacially in front of a bigger group of people. he has pretty strict boundaries in this matter but he's more than happy to communicate them to you and make sure he's aware of your own, as well as make sure that you don't feel pushed away. yangyang's also not a fan of showing affection in front of his members. he'll throw an arm around your shoulders when you're all watching a movie together if you've already been together for a while, but that's about it. you'll get all the cuddles and kisses in the world when you head to bed for the night though.

#taglist ➼♡ @0-hoony @suzayaaa

©xdjville

[noiriarti]

Just Practice: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Modern Best Friends AU) Ch. 4

NSFW!!!!!!! Literally so NSFW!!! MDNI! Summary: Anakin is your best friend, the one person you can't survive without, and you're about to go to different colleges. You bring up your worries about your inexperience and he offers to help. Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x AFAB!Reader Word Count: 3.5k CW: usage of 'good girl,' degradation (usage of 'slut'), rough sex, lots of masturbation, p in v sex, overstimulation AN: OMG it's done!! The last chapter of the best friends AU! I'm considering adding a bonus chapter of the reader trying anal with Anakin for the first time, so let me know if you'd like to see that! As always, requests and asks are open!

Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3, [Ch. 4], Bonus Chapter

Chapter 4: Olives and Mushrooms

You gripped the note in your hands, almost crumpling the worn paper, and you could hardly believe what you were reading. 

Since we were kids, I've considered you my closest friend. Someone who made me me. I started listening to Fall Out Boy because you did, I peel bananas upside down because you showed me how, and I only eat pepperoni pizza with olives and mushrooms because you've ordered it so much that it grew on me. I treasure you your friendship so much, and those feelings have been changing since we were younger to something more romantic. I don't know when it started, but when we kissed, I knew I loved you too much to not tell you. I've been finding myself wanting to hold your hand or kiss you all the time. You make my life so much better, and I want to spend all my time with you. Not telling you that has been torture, because you've been on my mind every minute of every day. Ben has been telling me that I stare too much at my phone, and it's only because I'm looking at texts from you or thinking about what I want to say to you. Being with you is all I've been looking forward to since we separated.

The truth is that I'm terrified to say this, so I needed to write it down. I'm scared you'll feel too weird about this, which I would understand, but I'm also scared that we just won't work out if we try. That's why I'm happy that the most understanding person in my life is the one I'm telling this to. If anyone could make it work, it would be us. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, so I want you to know that I'll respect whatever you say. If you're interested, I would love to go on a date and see where this goes. Will you go out with me?

Your breath caught in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. There was no way this was real. That Ani, your Ani, loved you back, was absurd. You'd sooner believe that he was playing an elaborate prank on you, but the writing was so sincere, so sappy, it could only have been written by your Ani. You looked up at him on the bed, scrolling on his phone and tucked into the covers, the boy you knew and loved. His smile when he saw something funny, and his quick fingers as he texted someone, probably his mom, back. The face you had dinner with frequently. The one person whom you wanted more than anything to love you the way you loved him was the person who wrote this letter to you, so sweet and sincere.

But why was it crumpled up like that? Discarded? Did you mean that little to him? Was it just something he was going to say if he needed to? To get into your pants? You imagined him writing the words out and keeping it in his bag in case you hesitated. He, of all people, would know that telling you he loved you would get you to do anything for him. The thought sent a cold stab into your heart. It couldn't be. Ani was so loyal. He'd never do that. Never. But you also would have said the same thing about him kissing you three weeks ago. And the way he treated Padme at the end of their relationship, so detached, so uninterested in her messages... Maybe you didn't know this side of him that well at all. You had to give him a chance to explain. To tell you that you were just being paranoid. Your throat felt tight as you tried to say something, but your voice came out laced with your doubt and fear.

"Anakin, what the fuck is this?" He shot up from where he was sitting on the bed, suddenly jumping and rushing over to you to snatch the paper from your hands. When he reached you, he was desperate and panicking, the fear rolling off him so strongly that you could practically feel it.

"FUCK, fuck, don't read that. Don't. Please," he begged you as he ripped the paper away and crumpled it in his hand. His eyes were wild, defensive, and you didn't understand why. If he had really meant to tell you, why would he freak out now? Unless he never meant to say anything unless he needed to.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?" The words came out gritted, sharp like a knife piercing through his skin. He visibly flinched, and you realized you had probably hit the nail on the head.

"It doesn't matter," he muttered as he looked away. The lines of his jaw were set, and you saw a muscle flare as he clenched it. Even now, you wanted him desperately. You barked out an angry laugh.

"Oh, it doesn't matter, does it? You loving me doesn't matter?" The words came out sharp, angry, scalding, like a brand on his skin. He recoiled as if struck, immediately getting defensive. His handsome features twisted, then unclenched.

"It's not like that, I-you-" he stumbled over his words as he put his hands in his air, getting frustrated with himself. He threw his arms down by his sides, then pointed a finger toward you accusingly. "Well, were you ever planning on telling me about Jake?" 

"Jake? What the fuck does Jake have to do with this?" You balked and scoffed. Both of you were raising your voices at this point, and neither of you would deescalate any time soon.

"Well your roommate obviously thinks he has something to do with it," Anakin gritted out bitterly. The temperature was rising in the room, tension growing between the two of you.

"Anakin, stop being jealous over a guy I've spoken to literally twice! I don't love him, I love--" But then you stopped yourself. He was driving you crazy, and you almost blurted out something that you shouldn't have. "Whatever."   "No, finish your sentence. Finish it. Now." He was furious, almost looming over you with his broad frame. His rust-colored hair flew in his eyes as he yelled out the words, casting shadows in his face. You knew what he wanted and the words flew out of your mouth without any defiance.

"I love you! Obviously, dumbass! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His face fell at your admission, but then he snapped back at you.

"Cause I thought you were dating some fuck named Jake! And that you didn't want to be more than friends! You literally said we could never date to Ahsoka, like, three hours ago, remember?" His voice was hoarse from yelling. A flare of pleasure curled in your stomach at the thought that he was jealous of some random guy just because he paid attention to you, but you had to make the point that of course you couldn't say you liked Anakin to Ahsoka while he was right there. How stupid was he?

"I just said that because I thought you didn't like me like that!" You yelled back.

"Well, I do!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!" The two of you sat silent, fuming at one another. Anakin was still panting from yelling and looked so incredibly fuckable while shirtless that you almost kissed him right then and there. Then, sometime when the beating of your heart dropped to normal levels and you stopped, the realization hit that oh, Anakin was in love with you. You'd just been fighting about it, but you didn't really comprehend what that meant in your clouded anger. It meant that every time he called you baby in bed, he meant it. It meant that he didn't just want to practice. It meant that you two could be together, finally more than friends. The warmth you had felt before was growing, filling every part of your soul and bursting through the uncertainty you had about him. Anakin loved you. And this was probably the best day of your life.

"Anakin, say it, please," you begged. You wanted to hear him say it, not in anger or frustration, or in some hidden note, but out loud. To make it real. He had softened since your fight, and approached you with that same gentleness you loved. His strong, warm arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his embrace again and leaning his forehead against yours.

"I love you," he whispered tenderly. His blue eyes shone with affection, just like they had for years. It was perfect, so sweet and honest, just like your Ani. The silence sat between you for several long seconds, each moment intensifying the stares you were giving one another. You weren't sure which one of you moved first. Your mouths crashed together with enough force to pull a groan out of you as he kissed you fiercely. Your nails dragged down the warm skin of his bare back while his hands found your hair. Still kissing you frantically, Anakin pushed you against the wall by the bathroom and pressed your bodies against the cool drywall. A moan ripped out of his mouth against yours as you bit his lip brutally, pouring all your anger and desire and love into your movements. You kept teasing him with your tongue, swiping it across his lips or touching it to his, and he had enough.

"Get on the bed before I make you," he growled. 

You were still wearing the lace bra under your sleep shirt, so you threw the old tee off on the way to the bed, leaving you in just your bra and shorts, with nothing beneath them. When you saw he was close, you grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down onto you, settling himself between your legs. Soon, you felt the hardness you knew well grow and rut against you. Anakin's mouth on yours was demanding and muffled your moans as you thrust your hips up to meet his. He broke off from you to trail sloppy kisses down your jaw to your throat, which finally led to him sucking a mark into the crook of your neck. His teeth scraped against the sensitive skin and you gasped. He obviously enjoyed the sound and smiled against you. You got the sense that he was devoted to making you feel pleasure, lapping up every sound and word as his reward. All he wanted was for you to feel as good as he did, latched onto your neck.

When he pulled away, his face shone with pride at the dark mark he had left on you. He loved making you his. He immediately went further down to your bra, kissing over the top of your breasts and occasionally teasing you with his tongue. You sat up for a moment, during which you could see the visible panic in his eyes that he had done something wrong. You unclipped the bra from the back, letting it fall. He grinned widely at you, like it was his first time seeing a girl naked. Well, half-naked, you thought.

Anakin immediately resumed kissing down your collarbone, finally getting where he wanted. When his lips connected with your nipple and you felt his tongue dart out, you moaned obscenities into the quiet room. There was no one but the two of you in the world. Emboldened, his teeth scraped your nipple while his free hand went to pinch the other, hard, shooting pain and pleasure into your core. He alternated between the sting of his pinches and his soothing tongue as you keened out his name over and over. You would never get tired of saying it. By the time he had left marks all over your chest, you were sure the neighbors would report you to the building manager. 

"I love you," you whispered when he gazed up at you with his eyes.

"Don't tell me that now," he grunted against your nipple. A breathy laugh escaped your chest.

"What? Why?"

“Makes me want to wreck you.” The way he bit it out, with so much mischief in his voice, made you want to see him try.

"Then do it," you teased back. God, you loved that smile. You slipped your thumbs beneath the waistband of your shorts and pulled them off. Having someone see you completely naked for the first time was terrifying, but Anakin looked so hungry and reverent that it soothed the fear. He kissed his way down your stomach to your pussy, only stopping to groan when you wove your hands through his soft hair and pulled.

His lips finally met your desperate clit, still sensitive and swollen from your orgasms earlier. You moaned his name loudly, in almost a yelp, and he kept moving his warm, wet tongue faster, faster against you. Everything slid together so perfectly, moistened both by his spit and your wetness, that you were finding yourself get close faster than you would have expected. You tilted your hips up to him, spreading your legs even further. A finger poked at your pussy, and you jumped a bit in surprise before you felt it slide in with ease. You weren't just wet, you were practically soaked. His spit coated your inner thighs and probably the lower half of his face, but he was unrelenting. It started from your toes and cracked like a whip through your body. Your mouth gaped open in a silent scream as you came on his face and clenched your legs around his head.

While you came, he focused on fingering you and found that place that made you let out a whine while he pressed it during a particularly strong aftershock. You were panting and sweating like you had just played one of Anakin's games for him. On top of that, you were sure your hair looked messy and foul and distinctly unsexy, but he pulled himself off you and told you otherwise. 

"You look beautiful, darling," he said in pure worship as he caught his breath. His chin was covered in a thin sheen of spit and your juices, which made your pussy constrict on his finger again.

"Think you can manage one more for me, baby?" You nodded. Yes, you would do anything for him. You would walk over glass to please him right now. He dove back in, tongue consistently stroking your oversensitive clit in just the right way. You squirmed under his head, pulling your arms off his hair in your movements. Shit. This wasn't going to be an easy orgasm. He used his hands to grab your wrists and hold them down as you shook and moved under him. It was clear you weren't going anywhere. Everything hurt in a delightful way, especially your clit, which was begging you to pause. This time, it was softer, more effort for you. You clenched your stomach and bore down on his fingers, desperately wanting to cum. 

The sweat dripped down your forehead, and you felt it coming. It washed over you in warm waves, a weaker echo of the previous ones that day, but much more draining. Your head was soft and fuzzy, all about Anakin. He was all there was to you, right now, in the euphoria. His strong arms, lifting you up, kissing your cheek, telling you how good you were, that you were his good girl. When you felt more present, there was one thing you desperately wanted. To be filled. Your pussy had felt his fingers and wanted, needed, more.

Anakin had positioned himself above you, keeping his hips distinctly far from you to give you a bit to recover, but busied himself by kissing your face and whispering sweet words in your ear.

"Hang on, baby," he said as you started pawing down his chest to pull down his pants and grab his cock, trying to get him to line up and slam into you. He slid out of the flannel, then pulled out a condom from the pocket, and rolled it on.

"But Ani," you whined, thrusting up into his thigh. You needed him.

"I know, baby. I know. I'll take care of you as soon as I know you want this," he said. You nodded, swallowing down a pinch of anticipation.

In his eyes, you saw him, all of him. The shouted insults when you beat him at Mario Kart, the sweet kisses. His nose going red and runny from the cold in your snow fort. The sardonic eye roll he gave when he was furious at you, the way only you could make him, and the grin he gave when he got a good grade. His voice when he whispered to you that he loved you. He was made up of these tiny little things, little bits of starlight and darkness, all shoved and compressed to make one man. Your Anakin.

"Ani, I love you. So much. And now that I know you love me, there's nothing more that I want than to do everything with you. So stop worrying, and just fuck me already." His smile was everything.

Anakin pushed into you slowly, letting out a soft grunt when he first felt your heat around him, and it was obvious he was holding himself back for your sake. He was so big, so thick, that when you thought there couldn't possibly be any left, he just kept getting deeper. He bottomed out inside you and paused, but you jerked your hips up, wanting him to move, fast, slow, anything. Anakin took the hint.

His thrusting was fast, precise, just like him. You swore you could feel the ridge of his cock as he moved within you, but your pleasure-induced babbling drowned out everything else.

"Fuck, Ani, shit that's so good, fuck me fuck me fuckmefuckme fuck your little slut!" You realized what you said with a little gasp. It wasn't intentional, but fuck it felt good to say. Anakin was clearly surprised, but quickly cast you a hungry grin. He loved it. 

"So you want to be fucked like a slut, huh? Turn around. Now," he growled as he pulled out of you, grabbed your hips, and whipped you around. You barely landed on your hands and knees when he slammed into you again, and you let out a keen. Anakin smacked your ass before setting a consistent, punishing pace, letting small grunts and groans drop from his lips as he got closer. With the angle of your hips, he was hitting the same, deep spot within you over and over, and you practically couldn't close your mouth.

"Fuck yes, fuck me like a slut, fuck me, yesyesyesyes," you chanted as he grabbed your hair and pulled. The feeling was just like earlier that night, when he fucked your throat, but he was harsher. Your scalp stung so perfectly, adding to the overwhelming array of feelings. Even though you wanted to, your pussy couldn't squeeze out another orgasm. It was just too much. Anakin was feeling it too, and his sounds got more frantic along with his hips. In a few seconds, he leant over you, teasing your ear with his pants.

“I don’t-- I don’t think I can last any longer, fuck, baby, your pussy is too good,” he breathed. He sped up, snapping his hips into yours erratically as he moaned your name and came. His jaw flexed, his brow furrowed, and his eyes clenched through it. When he was done, he pulled out of you slowly, tied off the condom, and tossed it in the trash by your bed before returning to give you some love. He drew you to his chest, scratching your scalp and kissing your forehead, until you both were almost asleep. Anakin prodded you into using the bathroom and brushing your teeth before you passed out.

This time, when you came back from the bathroom, there were no more discoveries, just Anakin in your bed, exactly where he belonged. He pulled you in with his strong arm, pressing his chest to your back as you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you thanked your lucky stars Ahsoka hadn't come home yet, because you were butt-naked and sprawled on top of Anakin. It took a moment to register that Anakin, your best friend, was in your bed, and then another to realize that, oh yeah. He was your boyfriend now. For the rest of the weekend he acted just like you thought he would, getting you dinner and holding your hand. You also bickered and told each other all the stories you had missed. You had become romantic partners, but you were still best friends at your core. Not that much had changed, really.

When he left, the loneliness and homesickness of being at college was lighter. You knew, standing by the train platform and waving at him through the window, that he would be back. Over and over again you would come back to one another, until you could finally be together again. As you braved the crowds of Grand Central, trying to find your way to the goddamned subway, your phone pinged. 

Anakin: Coach just told me I'm playing Princeton next weekend Anakin: Well I'm really bench warming Anakin: You should come visit Anakin: Cheer me on Anakin: Only 1 hr by train

You: I'll get tix

Anakin: See you there baby

You smiled to yourself and walked back to your dorm.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Tag List (let me know if you'd like to be tagged in future works!): @doblasftcisco @aliciaasky @cultofsin @avalovesjoe1 @akixxrafiiy @princearthur4 @sythethecarrot @jackie-on-the-loose @throughparisallthroughrome @rhiannonhippiegirl

[biblically-accurate-dca]

assorted dca wips i probably won't ever touch again (sorted from newest to oldest!)

very rambly explainations for each image under the cut ^_^

1.) aug 28th, 2024 -- i started this around the time where i'd just gotten into something else and basically just detached myself from the dca... and therefore all my art with them got way more experimental and personal to me and my tastes bc i'd just stopped caring about them LOL

i do wish i'd finished this one though because i love how the body looks! i don't remember ever starting this with much of a plan though and i very visibly got bored once i drew all the fun parts (i hate drawing their legs)

2.) oct 1st, 2024 -- this could technically be considered vent artwork? i wanted to make something purposefully grotesque and unnerving because i was just really angry at the fandom all the time... and it doesnt help that whenever i get into something new i go through a weird breakup phase with my old interest (which might not make sense to some people lol) which causes some weird feelings.

a less angsty thing i can mention is that i was also very purposefully trying to be more relaxed about the way i paint things here! i usually strictly adhere to a set palette i make for myself, so this drawing was me pushing myself out of that comfort zone and forcing myself to freestyle the colors a bit... the result didnt really end up how i wanted it to be though (^^;; )

3.) oct 9th, 2024 -- iirc this was me elaborating on a physical sketch i made where i was playing around with their face... i actually still really, really like this style and this drawing might've been the best way i've ever done it. fluid and expressive but still grotesque enough for it to stay true to their original design! this is the thing i reference whenever i draw them this way (and if you look at my most recent post you might notice some similarities?)

4.) may 11th, 2024 -- MANN i wish i'd finished this one!!! it was a redraw of this drawing based off of "chimera" by deco*27!! i've always associated that song with the dca but i didn't give it justice the first time i drew it due to the time constraints so i wanted to do it better!!! but then i got stuck on the hands 😭

if i was ever going to pick one of these back up again there's a good chance it'd be this one

5.) jul 18th, 2024 -- nothing truly profound to say here as this was actually just a test... never got around to adding a body to it, mainly because i just like drawing their face more than i like drawing the rest of them. you can probably look at all of these and realize that for yourself though LMAO

[ms-demeanor]

I think I knew you’d posted some risqué things but I didn’t know you were once the porn guy? If you are also accepting questions about porn - have you ever had fears or issues with those sorts of photos/videos being out and about impacting your career? I’ve always been told it would be a terrible mistake but I’m always curious to do it anyway.

Also, head shaving fetish videos? I got paid to shave my head for a commercial once but this intrigues me all the more!

I've been the porn guy kind of forever; my first real jobs were doing porn (commissioned art of some stuff that was actually really distressing largely because of the business relationship and nude modeling that was fine) and I've done random fetish stuff and custom videos over the years.

When I first started doing any of that the internet wasn't the way that it is now so it didn't make a difference, by the time it made a difference my career was already dogshit and I'd spent some time working for a feminist magazine that made me use my full legal name on their publication and I got myself a nice collection of howling MRAs to follow me around for the better part of a decade. That was genuinely more professionally damaging than porn has ever ended up being because at least with porn nobody expected me to have my legal name on anything but a release. (It turned out that one of the guys I worked with was fans of one of the MRAs who made an entire video about one of the feminist comics and kept using my name through the whole video so there were like several years where I was trying to be nice to this dude who was pretty awful so that he wouldn't tell this youtuber's audience where I worked. That fucking sucked)

I guess it could come up and it would probably have some pretty bad fallout at work but also there would be other places that I could land; I know several former sex workers in infosec because infosec is a weird space with weird norms and I'm sure I'd land somewhere stable if I had to call in favors. I mean, hell, two of the guys I'd tap for help if I got fired tomorrow work places that host porn where part of their job is making sure that the porn sites get support.

It is definitely something that I would be more concerned about if I were not already relatively toxic as far as employers are concerned. I don't think they'd get as far as being put off by the porn, they already hate the motormouth and the haircut and the eye contact and the labor organizing. (This blog, my current online presence, is not exactly an asset if I'm looking for work, you know? Most employers are not a real big fan of people who talk about abolishing copyright and establishing worker protections - and it's inextricably tied with my legal name because of the feminist magazine that wanted me to leverage my social media presence for their clicks.)

But if it's something you're thinking about and you're not already radioactive it's worthwhile to be cautious. Talk to other porn producers online, read up on it (I've got some stuff written by other people about sex work in the digital age on @safe-for , which is my porn blog, but it's a bit of a scroll to get to it. I had more on my other porn blog, where I also had more porn, but that got deleted. I was really starting to pick up what I was producing online and promoting on tumblr when the porn ban kicked in, then I basically stopped doing pretty much anything SW related when my spouse's health imploded then there was covid and wham bam here we are)

I don't know. If I was starting new at all of this and it was post SESTA/FOSTA would I do it? The internet and its attitudes about porn are VASTLY different now than they were just a few years ago. I would probably be a lot more hesitant now than I was in 2004.

The headshave stuff is fun though, and there's a lot you can do with that that doesn't ping as sex work the same way to a lot of people. There's still SW in the performance for the clients, and in the way they treat you, but it's less of a concern as something that might rear its head and shame your family line in thirty years.

I once had someone pay a five hundred dollars to clip my undercut and shave it down with a razor after. It's good work if you can get it, but it IS work and there may be weird emotional fallout if you're entering a fetish space you're not familiar with (LOTS of degradation in this particular scene; I'm personally okay with that but many many people aren't - if you're uncomfortable being degraded this may not be the kink space for you).

[yourmidnightlover]

getting it over with - ch 1

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: after relentless teasing and being the butt of too many jokes, you ask bucky to help you become more experienced in… a particular area of your life

warning: precious bucky, virgin shaming?, virgin reader, slight male!oc x reader, sexual harrassment, illuding to sex, talk of sex

w/c: 2.5k

a/n: i am working on part 2 in my other series, timeless. i've been debating two different ways i could take it and it's been an internal battle trying to figure that out. that being said, i can't help myself and started writing this and so here it is! this will likely be a simple mini series with smut in the later parts, probably the next one tbh. anywho... enjoy!

another night with the girls, and yet another night of beng singled out and ridiculed over a miniscule part of your life. 

you were a well accomplished woman and yet all of your hard work has consistently been overlooked in nearly every conversation because of your extracurricular activities. or, well, more like your lack of extracurricular activities. 

you had been working with the avengers for five years now as their pr manager, living there for a little over three after finding it was easier to represent and present the team in a brighter light when you knew more about them. it was after you moved in that you got much closer to james ‘bucky’ barnes, who you’ve coined the nickname of ‘jamie’ for. your friends also began to question why you hadn’t, in their terms, “banged,” one of the avengers you happened to live with.

truth be told, you did enjoy spending time with them, especially bucky. but, that would be crossing a line. you were practically employed by them. well, technically you were employed by tony, but that didn’t change the fact that they were your clients. it was just particularly easy to find the good in the people who constantly saved the world. well, that, and you were supposed to make them look good anyway. 

the most difficult one to paint in the golden light was definitely bucky. you were great at getting the media to lean into his humanity and reminding them of how he had been tortured into what he became. you’ve imagined him to the public as “sargeant bucky barnes,” giving him back the title he earned rather than the name he was branded. he was still wary of venturing into the eye of the public, but everytime he did there were less people yelling at him and more people giving pitying looks and whispers. sure, he would rather not be recognized at all, but whispering was a hell of a long way from harassment. 

bucky was grateful for everything you’d done for him. truth be told, you were grateful for everything they had done for you anyway. hell they had repeatedly saved all of humanity, helping their reputation was the least you could do for them. 

but regardless of how well of a job you’ve done making the avengers’ reputation way lighter, somehow the only thing your old friends could talk about is how you’re somehow still a virgin.

“god, i can’t believe you’re still a virgin sometimes. especially being surrounded by hunks like him,” stephanie spoke up as she flipped her bleached hair behind her shoulder. “i would’ve tried my luck long before i cleared their name, girl. i mean, that sergeant guy has the prettiest blue eyes, and have you never wondered what he could do with that metal hand of his?” 

you rolled your eyes, “he’s more than a pretty face, steph. he’s actually really sweet, too. his humor’s a bit old, kinda like a grandpa.”

“well, if he’s a grandpa then i’d gladly be his sugar baby,” she squeaked as she sipped on her vodka cranberry. 

“can we not talk about him like that?” your face furrowed in embarrassment and you only hoped that she would take your blushing as remnants of the alcohol running through your body.

“why?” she scoffed as she rolled her eyes. “do you want him or something?” she paused, seeingly waiting for your response. clearly, your silence was answer enough. “oh my god you like him, don’t you?” 

“no, no, it’s not like that,” you shook your head as you downed the rest of your drink. “i just spend a lot of time with him because of the job, y’know?” 

“why don’t you just get him to pop your precious cherry?” she ventured as she stood from her stool. 

boy, had you wished for that. mostly in your wildest dreams, but part of you hoped it could maybe happen. but then, you would wake up and were reminded of your place in the world. besides, jamie was over 100 years old. there’s no way he’d want someone who didn’t know what they were doing in the bedroom. 

“or,” steph interrupted your thoughts. “we can get out there and find you a different guy to pop your cherry,” she finished with a wink as she grabbed your hands, pulling you from your seat and to the dance floor. 

you managed to sneak a glance at the clock before the crowd surrounding you made it more difficult, reading the time being 11 pm. you told the guys you’d be back before 1, so that gave you enough time to please stephanie and then politely excuse yourself. 

surprisingly, you had begun to enjoy yourself. the music wasn’t so bad with the surge of confidence the alcohol running through your veins gave you. after a few too many drinks, you were in your own world. finally unbothered by the nagging thoughts of your friends and the weight of your job on your shoulders. 

you felt a gentle tap on your shoulder before turning to see a sweet smile. he had big, brown eyes and shaggy hair, broad shoulders, none that compared to the men you lived with, but they were nice nonetheless. 

“hi,” he said even sweeter than his smile, keeping his hands to himself politely. “i-i’m noah.”

“well, hello, noah,” you smiled as you stepped closer to him, uncharacteristically throwing your arms around his neck as you continued to sway to the music. “y/n.”

“i-uh-you-you’re gorgeous,” he stuttered as his hands modestly found your waist.

“you really think so?” you said teasingly before leaning up to his ear. “i think you are super cute, yourself.” 

at this point, you had nearly forgotten all about stephanie’s presence at all. maybe she had already left with another guy, herself? who knows. right now, all you knew was that you didn’t know brown eyes could be so pretty. mayb you didn’t want to wait anymore. maybe you didn’t want to be the old virgin in your friend group anymore. maybe noah could change that.

“you’re unreal,” he chuckled as he continued to sway with you for the next song until you began to kiss on his neck. 

“you taste so sweet,” you commented in his ear before kissing right below it. he pulled back, giving you a sweet smile before connecting your lips together. 

“you taste sweeter, believe me,” he huffed out a breath as you reconnected your lips with his. 

“i think i want you, noah,” you whispered against his lips so softly he wasn’t sure he even heard you. “pretty please?” 

“ye-yea, sure,” he guided you out of the bar, you needing nearly all of his support to even walk out of the threshold of the door. 

“think ‘m sleepy, noah,” you mumbled against his neck as the cold air hit your face, as if it had began to sober you up.

“you just said you wanted me…?” he perplexed as he pulled you aside into the ally to gather yourself. 

“‘m sorry, noah,” you shrugged as the cold air hit you again. “‘s cold outside, can i go back in?” you turned to walk back inside when he grabbed your arm, probably a bit more harsh than he intended to. 

“what the fuck?” he sounded disappointed. “i complimented you, i let you make the first move, and now you just wanna back out?” he pulled you closer to his body. “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“i-i dunno, i just got confused i think?” you stumbled as you tried to back away once more. “it’s too cold out here, noah.” 

“maybe this’ll warm you up,” he grabbed your pliable face and brought you back in for a kiss before you tried to push him away again.

“y/n?” you heard a raspy voice call out. “what the fuck?” you turned to see your jamie confused.

“jamie!” you tred to wiggle out of noah’s grasp once more, a disgruntled look on your face as you did so. “jamie…” you were now limply wrestling out of noah’s grasp as he scoffed at the situation in front of him. 

“what?” he said in disbelief. “you wanna lead me on and leave with this guy?”

“noah-”

“i think you need to back of the lady, alright, man?” bucky spoke up as he stepped closer towards you. “she’s clearly a bit drunk, just let me take her home and we’ll be on our way. no harm, right?” he tried to reason with the douchebag. 

“no harm?” he grasped your arm tighter before he continued, making you wince slightly. “so this bitch is able to fucking lead me on and then leave me high and dry and there’s ‘no harm’?”

“okay, i’ve tried to be nice about this,” without a second of hesitation, he had noah’s arms behind his back, not enough to seriously injure him, but just enough to harm him enough to not tempt him to do any more harm. “you will apologize to miss y/n for talking to her the way you did, you will walk away, and you won’t do anything like that to any woman in the near future, understood?” noah nodded. “am i understood?!” 

“yes, yes!” bucky nudged him further in your direction as you were leaning your back against the brick wall for stability. “i’m sorry, y/n.”

“for…?” bucky taunted.

“i’m sorry for talking to you the way i did.”

“good boy,” bucky teased as he released the man, letting him run away and not sparing him another glance before he made his way closer to you. 

“‘m sorry, jamie,” you stumbled forward and threw your arms around him. you had never been so openly affectionate, especially with bucky since you knew his aversions. since you were so drunk, you simply didn’t register the unspoken boundaries you had unintentionally set in place for yourself. “didn’t wanna make him mad. jus’ changed my mind s’all,” you buried your face in his neck. 

“you have a right to change your mind, doll,” he soothed as he gently rubbed your back, leading you to steve’s car he borrowed. 

“y/n?” you snapped your head to look at bucky as he spoke. “i don’t want you to be so late again, doll. it’s almost 2 am. had me worried sick about ya,” his hand danced on your knee, you assumed to comfort you after the events of the night.

“i didn’t know,” you shook your head. “i swear, i just lost track of time. s’not like me to do this. i just got so mad and wanted to get it over with, y’know?”

“get what over with?”

“you won’t laugh at me?” you grabbed his hand that was resting on your knee and turned in your seat to face your body towards him. “never, doll,” he chuckled at your serious tone.

“i’m tired of bein’ a virgin,” you said with a sense of disappointment. “don’ want people makin’ fun of me anymore.”

“that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, doll,” he shook his head as he put the car in park before running to your side of the car and helping you out. “some people want to save that moment, i get it.”

“no,” you groaned as you leaned into him. “i don’t wanna save it. i was just scared at first, and then i didn’t want to, and now it’s too late because nobody wants to be with a virgin.”

“that’s not true, y/n,” he shook his ehad as he pressed your shared floor on the elevator. 

“would you wanna have sex with me?” you wondered aloud as bucky began coughing loudly. “don’t be mean,” you huffed and crossed your arms, figuring he was trying to hide his laugh. “steph said i should get you to ‘pop my cherry’ but i knew you would’t wan-”

“hey, that’s not what i meant,” he stopped your train of thought. 

“so you do wanna ‘pop my cherry’?” you awed at the man as the elevator doors opened. 

“i wan’ you to stop referencing it as ‘popping your cherry’,” he grimaced as he said it himself. 

“you wanna have sex with me? bang? do the deed? take my virginity? make love?”

“stop it,” he groaned as you giggled, leaning into his chest even more. “i wanna have this conversation when your sober, if you even remember it.”

“i’ll remember, my sweet jamie,” you held onto his arm as he walked you to your room, helping you get into bed before going into your bathroom and returning with your bin of skincare. “this is why you’re my sweet jamie,” if you didn’t know any better you’d think he was blushing. 

he began using your makeup wipes to remove the remnants of makeup that had survived the night, followed by micellar water to remove the excess remover from your face. you knew he had seen you do your skincare routine after having so many late movie nights with one another, but it was still flattering that he had remembered it all so well. he finished applying your toners, serums, and finally your moisturizer with gentle hands, his metal one providing a nice cold surface that woke your skin up a bit more. it wasn’t until you reached up to grab his flesh hand that he noticed the bruises lacing your arms. 

“god,” he sighed as he looked down at his lap. “i’m so sorry i was too late, doll.”

“you weren’t too late,” you shook your head at his negativity. “you were perfectly on time. you saved me. i don’t-i don’t know what would’ve happened had you not shown up. i-”

“i don’t wanna think about what could’ve happened, please,” he shook his head as he held onto your bruised wrist softly, tenderly rubbing his cool metal hand over the damaged skin before pressing a kiss to it. 

“will you stay with me tonight?” you asked softly, as if you were scared he would say no. as if he would ever tell you no. 

“only if you’re sure,” you nodded eagerly with a grin before he crawled into bed with you. 

bucky’s arms wrapped around your waist as you laid on his chest, breathing in his scent as his soothing heartbeat calmed you down after the nights antics. 

“i’ll remember tomorrow, jamie.”

CHAPTER 2

[anti-mpregfanblog]

Fanblog and fans. I want to start this by thanking all of you. This has single-handedly been one of the most positively overwhelming things I’ve done, which is saying a lot I think. I’d like to thank all who supported me and even those who didn’t. You all have made this war enjoyable and now that I’ve won I think it's fair I keep my promise. First though, i'd like to say a few things.

I like to think that the only reason I’ve had the success I have with this has simply been because you don’t know who i am. The power an identity has is strong and it becomes stronger when you hide it. I know that now first hand. I’d like to think the mask I’ve put on while I’ve played this part is well constructed. I’ve expertly been able to hide it from you all except for one person. @moss-moths-eyes-and-whimsy you are a genius. Crazy, but a genius. The dedication you put in purely to know me makes me slightly worried but alas, it's been amazing talking to you about all of this. Speaking of them actually, I have had such an amazing time helping to taunt the discord. I’m genuinely curious how far some of you have gotten in your own research, and since hearing from Moss I’ve tried to cover my tracks better based on what they’ve told me. So if your research has become a bit more difficult, blame them :)

I'd also like to take a moment to brag. The pure stress one experiences being the revolutionary who started the war is immense. On top of having 3 other fanblogs plus my original blog, I have not made a single mistake. The thing that mainly kept me going was the appreciation for my propaganda. I truly didn’t expect those to be so popular but alas, I was proven wrong. I'd also like to take a moment to thank my one friend who has been my right hand man and a damn good one at that. He has probably helped coach me through so many things that I couldn’t count them on my hands. I’m honestly proud of myself for going as far as I have with this. The final night of the poll I was up until 4 just watching it, convinced a last minute turnaround would happen. It didn’t, thankfully but that alone made me all the happier to finally have this war over.

Just because the war is over will not mean I’ll leave the throne I've built for myself. I will continue to fight the battles I need to. I will not stop even when my blades are covered in layers of blood. I will always come back to the deep Blackstone floor, tall pillars stretching above till infinity, and sit on the dark throne I made. My identity is not the end of the battles. I will not rest until the sky’s clear and everyone won't have to worry about mpreg. This is a promise. I will not stop until you are free.

As i close this speech out i'd like to thank you all one more time. I look forward to once again leading any revolution or battle. I am forever in your service and will be till the day I leave this cursed app. I’ll lastly like to say that i, the Anti Mpreg fanblog, leader of the revolution, and saint of the people, am

—

—

—

—

—

—

—

—

—

—

The Slimecicle Fanblog :)