#but it's also my fault he looks 12 i didnt look at a reference

[broken-balance-baby]

i reread the entirety of scott pilgrim in a single day and have come bearing gifts.... part 1?

[scripttorture]

I have a weird scenario and i want to ask about its implications, mostly focusing on soliditary confinement aspects. So I am writing about this all powerful being who is immortal+eternally youthful (with a human like mind) who gets trapped in basically a big snowglobe created by his powers. Its a big mostly open space set inside a forest with a magic mansion to occupy him and provide him basic needs and the limits of the globe are very defined. {1/4}

{Weird anon} After some time alone he comes to create a friend to accompany him and make sure everything goes well during his absence using his powers. This friend can and does leave for periods of time to fullfill his duties but comes back. The being also realises during his imprisonment his powers dwindle with time and the globe starts to get smaller as he starts to age, meaning he will either die from old age or the globe shrinking. {2/4} {WA}After what he thinks must be a long time, his graying hair biggest indication, kids who knew about his legend come to discover him. They then bring him their older sibling, then their parents to talk and after some plot he gets to get some of his powers back and be free. (Posting my questions in the last part) {3/4} {WA} I was wondering if the confinement area being comfy and big, him having this friend would help during confinement? How could he react to aging/idea of dying? Although this isnt very possible in RL, could the fact he had to create this friend ,but mostly the fact he would have no one else if he didnt, get to him? How could he interract with kids/people who found him, i know people tend to have difficulty with interractions after time. Ty for your help! {4/4} {WA EXTRA} Forgot to mention these but 3 kids are 10 to 12, older sibling is 14-15, parents are mid thirties . Again, thank you for your time.

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That’s an interesting fantasy scenario (and not even close to the weirdest thing I’ve been asked) thank you for sharing it :)

 I think the first thing to grasp is that this character isn’t constantly in solitary confinement here and that’s a smart writing choice. You’ve got the character creating at least one companion and even though that companion isn’t always present that means it’s likely they’re both getting at least 1-2 hours of contact most of the time.

 That doesn’t mean this isn’t a stressful situation and it doesn’t mean there are no periods of solitary confinement.

 But it gives you leeway to make the effects of this fairly realistic even with the fantasy concept.

 Having a big, comfortable space doesn’t really make a difference to how well people deal with isolation. Socialising is a physical need for social species like humans. But the presence of a companion makes the world of difference.

 I think the first thing to decide is exactly how long it takes him to make his companion. A lot of people really overestimate the time we can withstand isolation.

 For reference the safe period is about a week. After that most people will start to show symptoms and the symptoms are a lot more likely to persist after release. A month is more then enough time for the character to be seriously effected. A year is a really extreme amount of time. And by the time you start getting to multiple years the chances of suicide attempts are… significant.

 With the kind of story you’re describing I get the impression you want long term effects but don’t want symptoms etc to take over the story. I think 1-3 months is a perfect time frame for that. The character would develop long term symptoms but it’s still in the realm where it’s survivable. Which means it’s less likely to take over the whole narrative.

 You’ve probably seen my masterpost on solitary confinement but here it is again just in case :) I really recommend Shalev’s Sourcebook on Solitary Confinement which is linked as one of the sources on the post.

 As with the symptoms of torture more generally you’ve got some scope to choose symptoms because not everyone will experience every single symptom. There’s still some debate about how common individual symptoms are. However broadly depression and anxiety seem to be very common and hallucinations are less common (though they seem to become more likely the longer someone is confined). It’s a good idea to pick a mix of physical and psychological symptoms.

 If you choose insomnia as a symptom remember that sleep deprivation also causes problems which you can read about in the masterpost here.

 If this is your first time writing something like this then picking out symptoms can be daunting. I try to think of it in terms of what adds to the story. I try to consider the characters, plot and overall themes. Symptoms that give you opportunities to show aspects of the character’s personality, change their relationship with other characters, highlight themes in the story and/or create interesting problems in the plot later on are all good picks.

 It’s also important to consider what you’re comfortable writing and what you feel able to write. If you don’t want to write self harm for example that’s a perfectly good reason for ruling out that symptom.

 I have a post that outlines my process for picking symptoms that might be helpful for you. :)

 I think that brings us round to the more fantasy side of the questions.

 I’ll be honest and say that I don’t know how people generally deal with the idea that they’re going to die soon. I suspect that there’d be a lot of individual variation. I think you’ll get the best answers by looking up charities that support people with terminal illnesses.

 I found a couple of links at Marie Curie that might serve as a starting point. There’s this page on palliative care. This general page (with lots of links and first hand accounts) of living with a terminal illness. You might find this page about emotionally processing a terminal diagnosis helpful.

 I would treat the emotional issues around the created companion the same as a character who is reliant on only one person for their social needs. Which can put a lot of weird strains on a relationship.

 I’m not a psychologist and what I say here is based on impressions I gained from interviews with people who are very isolated. If you see a mental health professional or someone who studies isolation more seriously saying something different take their word over mine. Because my reading and knowledge is broad rather then deep.

 Relying on one person for all your social needs isn’t healthy. We all have different needs and it’s a lot easier for those needs to be met when we’re interacting with more then one person. Being entirely reliant on one person puts a lot of pressure on that person. It can make it seem like any problems or issues the more isolated person has are the other person’s fault.

 Because they’re not magically meeting all of someone’s needs. And I say ‘magically’ because it’s almost impossible for one person to do the ‘job’ of a dozen people.

 There can be a lot of guilt, resentment and anger floating around in this sort of dependant relationship. Even when both parties are genuinely trying their best and trying to be healthy.

 Any depressive period or severe mood swing on the part of the reliant character might be interpreted as failure by the companion. As if it’s their job to ‘fix’ the mental health problems he has. And that can lead to a lot of internalised guilt and shame.

 Conversely being aware of how dependant he is could make the confined character resent the comparative freedom of his companion. They get to leave. They’ll survive the end of this snow-globe. They’ve never had to be alone as he was.

 The companion has a lot of power in this scenario because the confined character is entirely reliant on them. They also have the power to leave. Knowing that can breed resentment, whether it’s rational or not. And if it’s irrational and ‘undeserved’ that can lead to a degree of self hatred and guilt.

 For both parties anger at each other and the situation seems likely. Not necessarily all the time but I think it’s likely to come up over and over again.

 The companion has their own desires and wants. But the confined character is entirely dependant on them and may well expect them to drop everything to help him/meet his socialisation needs. And the thing is that’s unfair on both of them, because the situation is unfair.

 That’s not a critique of the story. It’s unfair for the confined character to expect the companion to be able to meet all his needs and to drop everything to help him. But it’s also not unreasonable for the confined character to grasp at his only option for fulfilling a fundamental need.

 I think that if you wanted to treat this ‘realistically’ then it would lead to a pretty unhealthy co-dependant relationship however much both characters tried to avoid that.

 But you do have the ability to reduce or avoid that in your story. Because you choose the rules for how this companion feels, acts and behaves.

 The confined character may be human-like but in a lot of ways the companion does not have to be. A realistic human-like person would not be able to support all the social needs of another person. But there’s no reason the companion has to be that human.

 If you do choose to deviate from a more human-like character I think my advice would be to think through any changes you make logically. And be consistent. If for instance the character can’t feel angry or resentful towards their creator think through what that might mean.

 Which leaves the final question about interacting with others and how difficult that can be after periods of isolation.

 The exact way this effects interactions depends chiefly on the symptoms you pick out and the character’s personality.

 Generally mentally ill people do not want to be assholes or upset other people. But we do tend to have greater difficulties interacting with people and our social interactions can go badly in ways that healthy people don’t tend to experience.

 For instance say we have a character who has a severe anxiety disorder and this disorder is often set off by noises they don’t expect. That’s a fairly common symptom and a fairly common trigger for it.

 That means that kids running around, shouting or just talking loudly about something that excites them, could set off an anxiety attack.

 Some people would get angry in that situation. Because they’re in pain and, even though they did not mean to, those kids ‘caused’ that pain.

 Some people would abruptly remove themselves from the situation. Which could leave the kids wondering why/how they upset their new friend so much.

 Some people would stick around and not blame the kids. But they might have visible signs of their anxiety attack that could be very frightening for a child who doesn’t understand what’s going on. If an adult they care about suddenly starts shaking and breathing hard and needs to sit down and looks pale- Well worry is natural. And it’s difficult to explain triggers/mental health problems while you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack.

 So there’s a set of issues that are symptom driven and around the extra difficulties interacting while mentally ill. There’s also a set of issues around… basically forgetting how to socialise.

 This doesn’t necessarily mean being age in-appropriate.

 I think the best way to think about it is a combination of finding it harder to interpret other people’s emotional cues and being less aware of the cues they’re sending out themselves. It might take longer for the character to realise they’ve upset someone or they might misidentify the other person’s emotional response.

 They might also think less before they speak. Which can mean things like- I guess not moderating what they say to account for other people’s feelings? They might come across as blunt or thoughtless or scatter brained as they jump from one topic to another. They might also have less of a grasp of when to give the other person space and let them speak.

 The biggest thing I see survivors of solitary report is that normal social interaction makes them much more anxious/nervous then it did before they were confined. Socialising has a bigger ‘cost’ then before, in terms of energy and emotional impact.

 And this often means they withdraw from it more quickly. They need to take breaks. Or they start getting more stressed and frustrated.

 I think the main thing to navigate here would be how to explain these conditions and needs to children in a way that doesn’t seem like it’s blaming the kids. Which is certainly possible, but can take some time and care to get right.

 I think I’ll leave it there and if you’ve got any further questions drop them in when the ask box reopens. I hope that helps :)

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[flowerslightning]

Have you heard about PFA and MFA?

or the full name is ‘Psychological First Aid’ (PFA) and ‘Mental Health First Aid’ (MFA)

Can we relate it with Cloud Strife? As we all know, Cloud had mental illness and was struggling alone. Let’s take a quick look on this topic then and see if characters in FF7 ever give PFA/MFA to Cloud or to each other. This is going to be a looooong post although I tried to simplified it, so, yeah. Good luck reading this !

Disclaimer : I’m not a psychologist. I’m still a student and psych is not my major field. During my intern, other than we got exposed a lot about psychiatric disorders and ways to deal with them, we also got trained psychological first aid in emergency department. If it wasnt because of this quarantine, i would have finished my training in emergency field. There might be false interpretation here or there, forgive me for that and pls correct any mistake in this post

This will probably trigger LTD. Sorry, but I had to, Pls read this post with open mind. Keep in mind I like both Tifa and Aerith, i have no grudges agaisnt Barret, Vincent, Nanaki or Cid so I am not being bias with any of them. I forgot a lot of stuff in OG (I played it when I was really really small), so I will be using lots FF7R and AC references here (and a bit from OG, depends whatever I remember)

Good to go? Allow me to rant. Read it slowly and if u skip some of it, u’ll probably mislead my actual words, and u’ll be triggered af. Don’t come at me with madness if u dont read the whole post properly

What is PFA and MFA? Generally speaking, if Basic First Aid is about covering the wound to prevent further bleeding, then PFA (Psychological First Aid) and MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is like applying a bandage on ur mental to avoid u continue being distress. 

Usually, PFA is often associated with disaster event or terrorism, where large number of people got affected. Meanwhile, MFA focus in one person who is developing mental health prob or already in mental crisis due to certain traumas, such as vehicle accident, house burned and etc

 Pls note that, certain people NEED MFA while the others may NOT NEED it. It is important to respect their needs/wants. Some victims may refuse verbally but they ACTUALLY NEED it (CLOUD STRIFE) and maybe some victims look like they dont need it, but they want it, and its super fine to give it

PFA/MFA not only done by the professionals and it is not a professional counselling, although necessarily training is needed if u want to approach deeper in this field. PFA/MFA is also not a psychological ‘debriefing’ - in which MFA/PFA doesnt need to involve a detailed discussion of the trauma event with the victim, but instead, it is an alternative way to psychological debriefing that helps for long-term recovery. (unless if ure a pscyhiatrist, then u have to forget about MFA and ask detailed questions regarding the events to help the patient to recover)

MFA and PFA both almost the same, but I will mention more about MFA here.

MFA (Mental Health First Aid) is not just about comforting “Oh, are u alright. I’m sorry for what u’ve been through”, but it is also about assessing their needs and concerns, protecting them from harm, provide practical support and support them feeling able to help themselves and others.

The main key for these two term is RESPECT - respect victim’s dignity, respect both parties safety and respect victim’s rights to make decision. Even without the PFA, we should respect these three in whatever circumstance we are in. 

A lot of us honestly were born with natural skill of MFA bcause of our own empathy, instinct or experiences and some got trained professionally. Some of them already had MFA due to high common senses they have.  

Some of the Do’s and Dont’s when giving MFA include;

Do’s : 1. Be trustworthy | 2. Respect their decision | 3. Be aware of and set aside ur bias | 4. Make it clear to them u are available for help even they push u away | 5. Respect their privacy and personal space | 6. Do remain calm and soft when the person in distress | 7. Listen and don’t interrupt their talking | 8. Help in terms of basic needs | 9. Create connection the person with others | 10. Give hope to them | 11. Provide private place to talk about the event | 12. Respect their strenght | 13. Advice small necessary matters or give simple words of encouragement | 14. Acknowledge positive features of what victims have done

Dont’s : 1. Rush in whatever the thing theyre doing with u | 2. Be dismissive | 3. Make promises u know can’t keep | 3. Ask anything in return for helping them | 4. Exaggerate ur skills | 5. Force help on people, being pushy | 6. Pressure them to tell their story | 7. Judge that person | 8. Put the person in risk of harm as result of ur actions | 8. Force them to accept ur idea/Listening to ur rant | 9. Talk rough | 10. Being bias with the people | 11. Touching that person too much | 12. Talk with the person in negative terms | 13. Abandon the person’s feeling

To simplify, there are 3 ways for MFA to begin, and I will only talk about one of them, the one that is the hardest to do, that is when u notice someone looks distressed and ure concern about them, and leading u to approach them first without them noticing ur concern. [Am I putting the right words here?]

In Cloud’s case, who do u think the first noticed Cloud behaved oddly and went to help him first ? - yeah Tifa. U probably would say “OFC she went to help him, she met him first at the train station. That guy looked sick af, who wouldnt ask if he was alright. If Aerith/Yuffie/Jessie met him first, they would do the same”. Okay guys, that was not my point. 

Let’s focus one by one characters and see what Do’s and Dont’s MFA (Mental Health First Aid) they’ve done to Cloud and other charas. Keep in mind, none of them know what Cloud had gone through, but Cloud had showed some obvious sign he was unwell and only a few of them noticed that and took action for it. 

The symbol [X] means the Dont’s in MFA and ( ✔) means the Do’s in MFA.

Biggs Jessie Wedge -

I know there’s a thing about man helping man’s psychology and Jessie being flirty with a guy.They [X] thought Cloud was like how they saw Cloud. and they considered it as normal. They didnt see Cloud under distress so they dont have the need to concern his mental status. The good thing about them was, the three of them (✔) respect Cloud’s strenght, giving Cloud the confident to be in action. But, Jessie [X] had zero respect on Cloud’s personal space

I wanna highlight about Biggs. Biggs had an attitude of overthinking stuff, but it wasnt so bad that would cause him harm, he just cared too much about his friends. So I believe Biggs was the type that would notice immediately when his friend being strange and would give MFA (Mental Health First Aid) with his own instinct even without the person asking it.

During the Sector 7 Plate attack, where Biggs was severely injured, when Cloud said he was not a fan of kids and Biggs said Cloud had so much in common (in common of what? Cloud with the kids or Cloud with him?), Cloud gave him ‘a sad look’ and Biggs reached out his hand to Cloud’s head. Biggs (✔) remain calm and soft when dealing with Cloud’s feeling (who faced traumatic event but Biggs didnt know about it) on that moment despite his current physical status. And also he (✔) wished goodluck to Cloud, leading to prevention distress on Cloud

Marle -

Marle [X] judged Cloud for someone who had no skills, but she entrusted Cloud to take care of Tifa’s well being. Not knowing who Cloud was, Marle noticed Cloud looked glum, she (✔) offered her ear for Cloud to rant and knew right away he was not having enough sleep, then (✔) advising him to sleep more . Lol, she was [X] biased with Cloud and Tifa. Not her fault, she only knew Tifa’s story, not Cloud’s. After the Sector 7 plate fall, we saw her being the most active member to help with the remaining citizens there. Marle without a doubt had given the citizens there PFA (Psychological First Aid) , by helping them with their (✔) basic needs, (✔) create connections, (✔) put away bias, (✔) remain calm and soft. 

Barret Wallace -

Barret was the same like Biggs Jessie Wedge. I’m sure Barret thought Cloud was just fine. Barret saw Cloud as a mercenary with stinky attitude,[X] judging him like that causing Barret to gave him the same attitude too. But overall, he (✔) respected Cloud’s strength a lot

However, after the Sector 7 plate fall, Tifa and Barret were the one that hurt (mentally) the most, Tifa as usual locking her emotions, there we could see how Barret comforting Tifa by (✔) giving words of encouragement and proceed on (✔) hugging her to show his empathy. Barret also (✔) remain calm and soft spoken when talking to the survival victims of Sector 7 citizens. He also (✔) acknowledged what the citizens had done to survive

Vincent Valentine - 

Don’t be surprise Vincent was listed here. This guy here was like another version of Cloud but more mature. In addiction, they both kinda share the same pain. So, I personally think Vincent understands Cloud pretty well. In AC, where Cloud was mentally ill, Vincent saved Cloud from Kadaj and brothers and (✔) took him to safer place. That was a common thing to do. But let’s go deeper, Cloud never told him about himself, but Vincent already  (✔) aware of Cloud’s trouble with the geostigma stuff and Cloud’s current mental status. Vincent, (✔) calm and soft like always (✔) didnt hesitate to asked if all of these were just about ‘fighting’ and it made Cloud to ‘re-think’ further about his problem. He (✔) didnt pressure Cloud here, instead he was (✔) helping Cloud to understand the condition he was facing, and this lead Cloud to avoid distress.

Aerith Gainsborough -

I know Aerith was special. She was an important character and devs created her to be ‘loved’ by the fans so that her death would be tragic. Aerith did almost all the things that shouldnt be done when giving MFA to mentally ill person. Some of u may say “Duh, Aerith didnt know anything about Cloud thus she had no intentions of giving him MFA”. Yup, ure right. Aerith didnt know about Cloud’s mental status but so as all the other characters in the series. 

Aerith was [X] being pushy with Cloud, in lots of ways, from making him as a bodyguard for free to forcing him to wear a dress. She [X] forced Cloud to accept her idea about meeting Andrea, dance and gown. She also [X] forced Cloud to help picking the flowers. Aerith [X] didn’t let Cloud to have his own decision [X] neither giving him a chance to talk,  and [X] abandon his feelings (cough..uhm, Aerith resolution). She also had [X] no respect on Cloud’s personal space and [X] too much touching and leaning to him. Aerith also [X] put herself in danger and that worried Cloud.  She [X] looked down on Cloud in someways too

However, at the Sector 5 slum, where the hooded man appeared, Aerith noticed Cloud was having trouble with himself, she (✔) encouraged Cloud to keep himself together. Also, throughout the entire game, Aerith always remind the team to (✔) have hope in everything. Her positive vibrant attitude was what (✔) made everyone able to believe in themselves. She also (✔) ensure Marlene’s safety and protected her. She was able to (✔) remain soft and calm when approaching Marlene. Remember Betty? Aerith took her time to helped her out and she even (✔) respected the little girl’s strength, (✔)slow and steady when saving her and (✔)soft spoken

Tifa Lockhart -

Tifa met Cloud at the train station, saw him being ‘not-so-fine’ state despite Cloud claiming he was completely okay. Tifa didn’t know what Cloud had gone through and  she (✔) didn’t pressure him to talk about it. She even helped him to (✔) find a place to sleep even when Cloud never asked for it. Tifa unconsciously was the first person to give Cloud MFA without knowing what Cloud had faced previously. And Cloud, on that moment, he really needed a help. Tifa also (✔) stated that if Cloud need anything, she would help him with it

Tifa (✔) remain calm everytime Cloud had sudden headache, she didn’t leave him alone and (✔) didnt put any pressure on him by asking question. During the (✔) Alone At Last, they had privacy Tifa asked about what happened after he left Nibelheim. She (✔) listened and didnt interrupt him, (✔) neither pushing him to talk more. Moreover, Tifa (✔) put a distance with Cloud, dunno if she was the one who was being uncomfortable or she actually (✔) respect Cloud’s personal space and privacy. Tifa (✔) didn’t force him to stay at Midgar, she asked him and was glad Cloud would stay for a while. Tifa was no doubt (✔) respect all Cloud’s decisions too. Also, don’t forget, Tifa also helped Cloud to help (✔) make ‘close connection’ with the Avalanche members and people in Sector 7 slums. She also (✔) didn’t do much touching with Cloud (Well, I mean, she didnt touch him in clingy way)

In AC, Tifa (✔) encouraged Cloud to have hope for Geostigma and the family

Tifa did [X] put herself in danger by becoming Corneos bride participant and that gave Cloud trouble (but Tifa ensured him she would be fine on her own previously) And btw, in OG, I read about the fans questioning why Tifa [X] didnt tell Cloud the truth. I would like to argue this matter. TIFA IS A CHARACTER WITH REAL HUMAN FLAWS, she too had her own traumatic event and was not really sure of herself on what to do. However, considering what Tifa had done for him, Tifa had helped with Cloud’s psychology the most.

I know Cloud was putting up a font, and that made him to have condescending attitude, and people couldnt see what Cloud was hiding behind the the bravery face. However, all of us as fans acknowledged the pain Cloud was suffering in the entire FF7 story. Some of the characters like Tifa, Marle, Vincent, Biggs noticed it and they took actions for it, while others, I do personally thing, they were hurting the Real Cloud’s mentality more. 

Long story short, Tifa was the one who gave mental health support the most to Cloud, followed by Vincent (AC), Biggs and Marle. Aerith did the worst with Real Cloud's mentality + she then died, mking Cloud be more miserable,

However, Aerith actually had the best way to give MFA/PFA to children, but maybe the worst to Cloud. While Tifa gave the best MFA to Cloud which helped him to get himself together through out the entire time

Alright thats the end of my talk. Thank you for being with meee

[pseudophan]

can you tell us the summary of your love of your lives case? I don’t wanna watch the video I don’t have the patience to watch it

it's such a complicated case but in short(ish):

1993 in west memphis arkansas, three eight year old boys go missing and are later found murdered in the woods. the community is freaking the fuck out and because it's 1993 small town arkansas and satanic panic is sweeping the nation people go ITS SATANISM IT WAS A SATANIC RITUAL and the police keep interviewing this 18 year old named damien echols because he was into witchcraft and listened to metallica and wore all black (genuine points brought up in court like this is what the entire case is built on). im skipping some details here cause its all oh so convoluted but basically they eventually interrogate a 17 year old named jessie miskelley jr who confesses to the crime and implicates damien and damien's best friend jason baldwin (16, looks about 11). so then ofc they all get arrested

issue is: jessie is a minor with a reported iq of 72 and they interrogated him non stop for 12 hours with no parent or attorney present (his dad agreed to let them speak to him but they didnt tell him it was an interrogation) and less than an hour of it was recorded. jessie claims the cops coerced him into his confession and even on the 40 something minutes of interrogation we do have available to listen to you can hear the cops just continuously leading him on like theyll ask when this happened and he says a time and they go no the kids were in school then it was later wasnt it and he's like yeah it was [later time] and theyre like no it was around 8 wasnt it? and hes like yeah yeah it was then and it goes on like that foreverrrrr

ok im getting into too much detail here im sorry theres so much more anyway anyway TRIALS HAPPEN and its all a whole bunch of bullshit and hbo recorded it all for hit documentary paradise lost (watch it) and hhhooooooly shit!

theres way too much to talk about w the trial but besides everyone being fucking cracked and damien being a smartass and the judge looking bored out of his goddamn mind throughout the whole thing (FUCK that judge) one notable part that didnt come out until later is that during jury selection this one guy was hell bent on getting on the jury cause he wanted them convicted and not only was he let on the jury he became the jury foreman which goes against like every law cause juries are supposed to go into court with no preconceived notions of what happened. also jessie had a separate trial cause he wouldnt testify against jason and damien which means his "confession" wasnt admissible in their trial and the jury werent allowed to consider it, but the jury actively discussed the confession while making their decision (jury members have said they did + it was written on their goddamn whiteboard) which. h

ANYWAYYY so jessie and jason get life in prison without the possibility of parole and damien gets sentenced to death. damien is 19 at this point with a newborn baby. jason isnt even 18.

so then they go away and the documentary paradise lost comes out and everyone collectively loses their goddamn fucking minds cause how the fuck did this happen they didnt even have a single piece of actual evidence except a piece of hair that MAY match damien but also its the early 90s and they dont actually have a fucking clue

years go by, everythings happening so much, their appeals get shot down one by one cause its the same fucking judge and ofc hes not gonna admit any fault. the public suspect john mark byers (rest in peace he died like a month ago in a traffic accident, btw he also didnt do it but thats also a lot to go into. interesting guy, definitely inbred, violent tendencies but not a murderer) one of the kids' stepdads (technically adoptive dad cause he legally adopted the kid after he married his mum but hes generally referred to as his stepdad) of having done it cause hes fucking massive and is quite possibly the most colourful character ive seen in my life like that guy had no idea what was going on ever and he was hell bent on the teens having done it and wanted to kill them all UNTIL! until. 2007, they test the dna in the case and SHOCKINGLY turns out none of the west memphis 3's dna is anywhere to be found, the shit they had that could be damien's turns out to not even remotely match him in the slightest and suddenly theyre there like. well. now theres nothing. and yet theyre still in prison cause everyone who got them convicted is like NO THEY DID IT :) but the public outrage is so much by this point and finally they get to take it to the supreme court who take one look at it and are literally like ??? what the fuck happened here give them a new trial what the literal hell (theres a video of it their faces are literally so funny they all look like they absolutely cannot believe this required their help) so in 2011 they finally have the opportunity to retrial with a new judge but SUDDENLY the state of arkansas go um actually we are gonna offer you an alford plea which basically means they legally plead guilty to the charges while still saying they didnt do it and then they get let out but the state wont have to admit fault or reopen the case cause in their eyes these three are still guilty but theyre gonna let them out anyway cause that makes a whole lot of sense i guess. lol basically the state realised there was a real chance they could get exonerated in which case they were gonna get sued to hell and back and went FUCK give them a deal

now jason didnt want to take the deal he wanted to wait for the new trial and risk getting found guilty again cause he said this isnt justice for the kids cause the real killer or killers are still free and its not justice for us cause we have to plead guilty to save the asses of the system that failed us all BUT all three of them have to agree for it to be valid and damien's execution date, which he's already narrowly avoided on several occasions like its already been postponed multiple times, is once again coming up and if the new trial somehow goes wrong and hes sent back to death row he's gonna be killed so jason decided fuck all of that and agreed to the plea exclusively to save damien which ok ride or die king

i havent gone into who really did it cause once again there is SO much but the majority of people think it was terry hobbs (the stepdad of another one of the victims) including the kid's mother whos now his ex wife who he abused to no end. theres a Lot to this theory and while theres no concrete evidence cause they did a shittyass job with everything theres already more dna linking him to the scene than the teens. god i really wanna go into everything that points to terry being at least somehow involved but this has already gotten so out of hand

anyway follow damienechols on instagram all he does is post about witchcraft and cats. also watch the hbo paradise lost trilogy and west of memphis. and if u want even more details listen to the three true crime garage episodes on the case. also theres books. theres so much. i have so much more to say. someone stop me

[shesawriter39049]

|CHALLENGE| M| 1|

SMUT/ANGST/HUMOR-ISH

**SUGAR DADDY AU WITH A SLIGHT TWIST***

CEO HOSEOK X MATCHMAKER OC

Hoseoks’s kinda an entitled little shit

The OC is sassy AF...his mother would hate her..so she’s perfect!

He’s also smooth,and fine AF and he knows it...but so is she!

There’s not much of an age difference there both in there mid-late 20’s

Hoseok is first-generation Korean Amerian BTW New York-born and raised 

Jimin is Hoseok’s assistant so he will pop in and out of this

5K

ABOUT- Hoseok is currently CEO of “Diamond Supply” a company within “Carbon Black INC“ which is a multi BILLION dollar company founded by Hoseok’s family and four others! The current CEO is Hoshi, which is not Hoseok’s father he’s actually the VP. Hoshi,doesn't have children and he needs to step down from his position. So over the next 6 months, there will be almost like an election period if you will, and the13 board members within the company will be tracking all four of the candidate's business and social stats with a fine-tooth comb. Prior to voting the next heir into his position as CEO of “Carbon Black Inc”!

That’s where Y/N comes in ...Hoseok has everything working in his favor expect the” Imagine” or at least the type that would appease there more “traditional” investors and board members. Y/N who works as a recruiter for Y.G.K. was initially hired to find him a “Sugar Baby” ! Someone to stand by his side and look pretty for the next 6 months to give him a more.”Settled down” image….Initially, that was the plan…..

WARNINGS: There’s just a lot of teasing and sexual tension in this one, light daddy kink reference, Hoseok is a whole dom,  it’s so clear there fucking next chapter lol…. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jimins Face alone already had you ready to barge in there before you wasted anymore of you clients time! Damn near throwing the phone at you , not even bothering to say hello in the process! You still couldn’t understand what the issue was, honestly, this was one of the simplest charts you’ve ever had, besides how obnoxiously specific the physical traits were ! It was 80% superficial, personality wise they didn't ask for much!  Just Someone who could take direction well,non-confrontational...submissive is actually what they noted ! Essentially a woman to say yes sir with no questions asked ,damn near wanting a puppet you could feed a script to! That’s exactly who she was ...basically a pretty cockatoo so why isn't this working?!

Yes, yes  you were eavesdropping on your clients “Interview”, and you had no shame,actually, this was Jimin’s idea he was just as annoyed by this shit as you where, the two of you had been going back and forth for damn near a month now! Practically besties at this point! Ariel, the girl currently sitting in Hoseok Jung’s office would be your fourth recruit. He’s rejected three! THREE! You've never had this happen...EVER..and you just can’t wrap your head around it, initially you thought he’d be your easiest client to place. He’s younger than most, richer than most..and more importantly finer than most, whoever landed this job wouldn't have to fake a damn thing! Yet, none of your picks worked..the last girl lasted 12 days...if the bitch would've just made it 2 more you would've gotten your bonus! Which meant you could have finally walked out of YSL, with your new crossbody you've been eyeing for the past 2 months! 

But no such luck, so here you were, sitting next to Jimin, eavesdropping praying for the best, honestly, things where going well..for all of, oh I don't know 5 minutes “Did she really just say her favorite Korean dish was sushi!?” Jimin’s eyes cut in your direction and you literally can’t even at this point. Placing your index and middle finger around the bridge of your nose because suddenly you had the worst headache of your life! “Lodrt” 

“Oh fuck meeeee” Whined from your lips in nothing but defeat, she couldn’t handle him if her life depended on it! Hoseok was far too quick, witty,sarcastic, charming from what you could tell, he didn't seem rude but you could tell he was very..intellectual...she wasn’t. She was young, nothing but arm candy, and he was eating her alive! Dropping your head down on the desk with a long sigh..already giving up, the feeling of Jimin’s hand soothing your shoulder as if he already knew...she was done! Back to the drawing board for the fifth time! 

It wasn’t even a full 10 second before you heard his door creek open, insitally shuffling behind a filing cabinet, as you didnt want to hurt her pride by letting her no you came! I mean, technically it’s not her fault, you don’t want your girls to fake something there not, the reason you get such high reviews is one of your main focus..outside of the aesthetic is the genuine compatibility! Clearly she and the other 3 girls didn't have it, but why couldn’t you read that prior to sending them? This is what you got paid to do, and your typically damn good at it, why wasn’t his chart giving you what you needed to properly satisfy him!?

“Fuck it…” Ripped from your throat as you sauntered into his office once you observed her step into the elevator, Jimin didn't even attempt to stop you. A smug smirk tugging on the corner of his lips as he awaited the results..the glint in his eyes indicating he already knew how this would play out! “Hoseok! We need to talk!” Blurted from your lips as you welcomed yourself into his office, as if you’ve known him for years, closing the door behind you, tossing your bag on his chasie. Hoseok didn't speak initially instead he just took his time,taking you in from head to toe, somewhat impressed actually. It’s not every day someone just barges into his office as if they own the place..now the real question is..who the hell are you?!

There was suddenly a look of nothing but pure mischief dancing along Hoseok's face as he observed you, only you were far too focused on your little spiel running through your head at the moment to notice! Swaying in his direction, in your oversized black blazer that you were currently wearing as a dress. Legs on full display as a pair of black strappy Giuseppe heels laced your feet, just enough cleavage peeking between the lapels to have him curious! Big vintage Chanel earrings dangle from your ears as you welcomed yourself to take a seat in front of his desk.The sweet, yet slightly husky scent of your perfume grace his nose, delicately crossing your legs, reclining into your seat.

“I’m sorry, would you prefer I call you Mr.Jung instead?” Cocking your head to the side slightly, the warm somewhat inviting tenor more than evident in our voice as you batted your lashes in his direction!, Still well aware of the power you possess in a situation like this and you weren’t afraid to use it in your favor! Hoseok was intrigued it didn't matter if it was solely physical, you had his undivided attention... and you planned to spend it wisely! 

A low chuckle rumpled in his chest as he took his own set, dusting his fingers through his dark mane of hair, that sat tousled on top of his head. Hoseok, had a slight undercut, which was lined to perfection..the top long enough where if he parted it to the middle you almost wouldn't know how nicely his sides where faded. The outline of his sideburns framed his disgustingly chiseled jaw to the Tee! A couple not so modest diamonds dusted his ears, fanning against his caramelized complexion. A burgundy paisley dress shirt, laid along his skin caressing every muscle on his body perfectly. Lips naturally pouty, forming almost a heart at their peak, sitting at the perfect shade of pink! 

“Hoseok, Mr.Jung is my father...and you are?” Brow quirked in curiosity, the base in his voice catching you off guard, so was his avid eye contact… but you were smoother than that, this wasn’t your first rodeo!

“I’m Y/N...the recruiter for Y.G.K-”

There was a dry scoff that left his lips at that, nothing subtle about the current disposition he had towards you and to be fair you couldn't blame him so you bit your tongue! “ I stopped in to see what the issue was, I've never had to place more than one girl...ever! Yet with you...she was my fourth..I just needed to see for myself where the disconnect was coming from…”

A low hum leaving his lips at that, appearing almost amused as he reclined in his seat  “And? Are you just here to waste more of my time or are you actually going to tell me what the issue is?” Flailing his hand in the air as if he’s already lost all patience for this conversation. The bite more than evident in his voice,clearly Hoseok’s a grade A smartass but again,in this situation you understood. So inteased of getting an attitude you took a deep breath..and answered the question nevertheless.

“Your charts the problem which is essentially my lifeline! I overheard part of the conversation with Ariel and your nothing like your stats, I'm assuming that’s probably your CEO persona... but not the person you are behind closed doors.  Which doesn't help me because my goal is to match you with someone who can handle the real you!” 

The low hum that fell from his lips almost had you hopeful, feeling as if he was starting to ease up a little and actually hear you out. You really where damn good at your job in this instance you were just fed bad information! “Hmm, I'm glad it took all of a month for us to realize this but yes, I agree with the fact that my “chart” as you like to call it was clearly total bullshit, and a waste of my time. You would have done better calling me instead of whatever generic Buzzfeed esque pick your match quiz you had us submit!” 

God he’s really, really, testing every negative ounce of patience running through your body, you could literally feel your jaw twitching “I wouldn’t say the questionnaire is the issue..more so the way it was filled out. It’s meant to be a tool to work in your favor, but you have to make it work” Pausing to lock your eyes with his, yet you knew what you were doing, you gaze was taunting, not angry, playfully challenging him at this point.  “I’m not here to argue, I'm here to sasifty…. so let me fix this.. I know your deal came with a specific deadline, If I’m not mistaken, we still have about a week left, that’s more than enough time for me to find you what you actually need!” 

An almost offensively loud groan left his lips at that, eyes rolling to the back of his head, the blatant disrespect had your nose scrunching into your face, brows furrowed “Excuse me? What do you mean “Mmmm”!?  I told you-” Now you were losing your patience..he’s officially pushed all of 2 of your buttons,and it took everything in you not to call him out of his name at this point! How dare he not take some accountability for the lack of effort he put into his personality chart even when you emphasize how important it is! Is he aware how much of YOUR times he;s wasted? The fact that you could’ve had these girls secured with other clients instead of also wasting there time!? No because all his spoiled ass can think about his himself! 

“Where the hell do you get off getting an attitude with me Y/N? None of this is my fault, I hired you because I didn't want to be involved,I have enough on my plate! We've been through damn near 20 pretty faces and-”

“Four! Hoseok, four!” The base suddenly hit your throat, you were starting to get defensive voice elevating ever so slightly “And again, did we not just establish that you, or your assistant or WHOEVER, screwed up your chart to begin with!? So how the hell-’

“Ohh so now we're playing the blame game? Reallll mature....Great save , oh I fucked up so let me blame my client, great customer service with that one!” The chuckle that left is throat was meant to sound taunting and it really fucking worked!

“It’s not the blame game, I’m just asking for a second chance to actually help you, you spoilt asshole! You just sat here and admitted you chart was total bullshit!” Abruptly rising from your chair, eyes narrowing in his direction, a second away from completely losing your shit  before you caught yourself! Yet, oddly enough so far he didn't even seem remotely fazed by your current disposition! 

“I have every right to be an asshole right now Y/N why the hell should I even trust you?! You knew going into this that ...we had a damn deadline and now we're damn near grazing it with the tip of our tongues…with zero results!” Now it was Hosoeks turn to loose his composure,voice dropping what felt like an entire octave suddenly rough and gritty the more he spoke. Which was actually really sexy but ...we’re going to try and ignore that for the time being! 

“What about that would make me want to even consider giving you another chance? Am I missing the part where you actually did what you were hired to do orrrr??”

“Oh for fucks sake, that's not my damn fault!” Yup, and there it goes again, all your self control ...Unintentionally stomping your foot against the floor as if you were almost having a temper tantrum.

“Awww, is baby whining now? Hmm? Is that your new tactic to try and get your way with me? ” Brow quirked in amusement, God you wanted to smack that smirk off his face. His tone was nothing short of condescending, though you found yourself more pissed at how good “Baby” sounds rolling off his tongue! Regardless of the context

“No I’m bitching which clearly you know a lot about since that’s all you've been doing since I got in here!!!” There was a sudden pause,a long one it was almost nauseating and it had you questioning if you'd finally crossed a line by saying that. You couldn't read the expression on his face right now, and that kinda scared you, so instead of just sitting in silence...

“ I place people based on the information I’m given, clearly we've never met so maybe if you actually put what you actually wanted we wouldn't have this damn issue to begin with! I gave you shallow and passive because that’s what you chart said you wanted.” Everything that radiated off your body was mounds calmer at this point, tone slightly tranquil “Your running out of time, and you need my help, I’m sorry we got off to a rocky start okay? Just... ...let.Me.Do.My.Job…”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do this entire time, do you think I want to sit here and play “ Are you smarter than a fifth grader” with these recruits? ! I didn't want to deal with this shit!I don't have time to deal with this shit!”  Throwing his solid gold pen across the desk, sliding back in his seat to hastily ruffle his fingers through his hair. To be honest it wasn’t Hoseok’s intentions to keep bantering back and forth like this, he was just stressed! He didn’t want to go this route to begin with so it’s not helping that it’s not flowing smoothly! 

“Great so it’s settled, you give me 48 hours and I'll find you perfect counterpart” Instantly turning around to head for your bag and see yourself out before the two of you were at each other's throats again. 

“No.”

Stopping dead in your tracks, whipping your neck around so fast it almost looked painful!

 “What do you mean no!?” Why, why won’t he just let this go!?

“N.O. You CAN help but in a different way….” Rising from his seat slowly pouring himself a glass of Scotch which he inhaled before it even fully settled at the bottom of the glass. 

Brow arched in annoyance and curiosity 

“Clearly when this is left in your hands I get malibu barbie with an I.Q of negative six...so let me pick….”

“I- fuck, whatever, fine, I’ll send you my roster and-” Fine sure, why not...if that kept him happy and had you signing a contract and hopefully reciving your bouns for landing him a susscessful recruit then sure! Pick all damn day Hoseok! 

“I don't�� need it…”

“What?! I thought you wanted to pick?” 

“  I don’t want your damn roster, if you care so much about redeeming yourself and actually doing what I paid you to do...then give me your best player…”

“That was my plan but you just said you didn't want me to pick.” Geunilly confused at this point, the slight attitude wasn’t even intentional. 

“You can, as long as we're on the same page..”

“Which is what Hoseok? What?” Mentally exhausted was an understatement, if your pride wasn’t in the way you’d just leave...

“You.” The word left his lips so calmly it almost went over your head! 

“If you want the deal then the Y.G.K. recruit I want is you...or theres no deal…I don’t have time for these rookies you keep sending my way”  You screamed everything his mother would hate and he fucking loved it, it also didin’t hurt that you were fun to look at. You had one hell of a backbone, your whitty, determined,sassy ...everything he would've put on his chart if he actually made it himself! You haven’t taken your foot off his throat since you’ve walked in, Hosoek was always one for a good challenge, makes the word “Daddy” sound even better when it rolls off your tongue! 

“What!? I’m not even up for hire, I’m a recruiter Hoseok, not a damn sugar baby! You can’t just snap your fingers and think I’m hired” Arms crossed tight against your chest, though...the idea was far more tempting than you let on  you’ve damn sure missed this. 

“No disrespect, but for you to be a recruiter..that probably means you’d have to have some prior experience right? “ Brow quirked at the implied question that he already knew the answer to “I don’t care how rich someone is...there not just buying Snakeskin Hermes bags for any “average” woman now are they?!”Tone blatantly challenging you as his head flicked over to your bag that set on the leather chaise diagonal from him.

“Trust me baby, it didn't go over my head the way you finessed your way in here like you owned the place , you know what you have working for you and your damn good at using it in your favor! I’m not here to judge, I finesse millions out of people all damn day...weather it be with my skill or my charm, either way, I'm closing deals and that’s all that matters!” I wonder if Hoseok could also tell how weak your knees were getting the more he called you “Baby”! More importantly how caught off guard you were for him calling you out on your shit!

“I’m retired…” Fell from your lips, it was all you could think of your mind was frazzled right now, but it was a true statement, you had not been on that side of the fence in almost 2 years! 

“Yeah and so was Jay Z and yet we got a good 4 albums and a tour after that so what’s your point!?” 

“My point-”

“Name your price.”

“Excuse-” 

“Your.Price.Y/N...Name.it...Tell daddy what you want” Smug, nothing but smug, Hoseok didn't even try to be discreet, he was living for his!

“$150K signing bonus off rip…” Thatta girl! Hosoek had you tripping over yourself for a moment, but the minute he said that he flipped a switch! 

You didin’t even know where that number came from..it was just like your body reacted on autopilot...he may be a total entitled smartass..but your not a damn fool. He’s right you got that bag because you are good at what you do, these sugardaddie’s aren't the only ones who know how to work there magic and get what they want. Your charm was deadly when need be, it takes a special kinda persona to finaness the “system” the way you do...or did I guess I should say! He wanted a price well...there ya go! 

The smirk that danced up his face was just as sexy as it was offensive “Right, so essentially what I just made on this deal I signed off on?” Cocking his head to the side slightly, tongue playing at the corner of his mouth “Done.” He was so nonchalant about this it was almost comical, you would have sworn you asked for a Big Mac or something! Tossing the contract aside as if it didn't mean shit, because it didn't you knew Hoseok's net worth! 

“I- you...what!? ” Did he really just agree that fast!? After you just yelled at him, and cussed him out!? 

Clearly he found your state of shock amusing a gritty chuckle rumbling in his chest as he poured himself another drink. “Don’t act surprised, you know you aren’t used to hearing the word no, which I can appreciate because neither am I!” 

“Why!? Why me, you don’t know shit about me, you could’ve easily had Ariel, or anybody else and none of them would have even cost you a fraction of that price!  Why are you so willing to pay me whatever the hell I want even after I failed to place someone else in the position?”Slowly sauntering over in his direction until you were so damn close to him your eyelashes could almost flutter against each other. “ And I dare you to tell me that your any different than any other man I've dealt with in you position. That your reasoning runs  ....deeper than you wanting to bend me over this damn desk” God, his lips were a problem, his damn jawline was a problem, why the hell did you get this close again!?

He didn’t respond right away, letting his eyes trace over every element on your face, and it took everything in you to pretend you knees weren’t caving in. Once his eyes landed on our lips, licking his in the process. Leaning forward, bracing his weight on the desk, hands resting on either side of you body as he hovered over you. Yet your stance never faltered he was challenging you ...AGAIN and There was no way in hell you’d show how consumed you were! Not when it was your decision to invade his personal space to begin with! The scent from his colgen filling your nose, having to physically remind yourself not to moan….. Hosoek knew exactly what he was doing, lips sitting slightly ajar, teasing you to arch up ever so slightly! You could damn near taste the liquor on his tongue...

“I’m a man, more importantly a man with damn good taste!  So yes, the idea of having you face down ass up sounds, sinfully appealing” Fuck your throat was dry as hell right now…”But no that’s not why I’m offering. Your not blind, clearly I dont need to pay for sex, I’m not some 60 year old man with a saggy ballsack so I’ll be frank with you! The contract has a deadline because so do I…” Now we're finally getting somewhere...

 “This was my families idea, hints all the confusion and my very short fuse, they want someone by my side as I embark on a new... Business venture. Clearly you can tell no one you’ve sent can even remotely stacks up to what I require in a partner, fake or not! I failed drama I don’t care how many cameras are in my face..I don’t act! Either I vibe with someone or I don’t..”

“We haven’t vibed Hoseok, we've argued! Since you think you can do my job better than I can...what's your rationale for pairing us together oh wise one!?” Nothing but sass dripped from your tongue at that...and he fucking loved it. The smirk that dance up hid lips said it all. A low hum fell from his lips as he leaned in, even closer, chest thumping so hard you questioned if he could even hear it. Fuck, you really wanted to grab him by the back of the neck and find out how good he tastes! 

“You tell me ...tell me what I need…” Something about his delivery had heat pooling between your thighs, voice getting dangerously low, and so where his eyes …”Since my charts fucked and your claiming that’s what screwed you up...tell me what I actually need…”

Clearing your throat slightly, trying to pull your shit together yet you didn't pull back from him, you didn't want to...you liked the intensity! If you were smart you’d disregard his question but, you felt like you needed to prove yourself….. 

“Someone to stimulate, and balance you out you mentally...” Purred from your lips earning a hum of approval, which , followed behind and confirmed every other bullet point …

“Someone well dressed..”

“Hmm…” - fuck he really needs to stop doing that

“ Cultured..”

“Mmmhmm..”

“Whitty..”

“Mmm, keep going…” 

“Quick on her toes, Sar-”  A dramatic sigh leaving your chest at that, eyes rolling to the back of your head more times than  you could count once you realized what he was doing. Hoseok was having you describe yourself, because ideally, you were the type of woman you’d try and set him up with.

The level of smugness that danced along his lips proved he was proud of himself “And you were sayinggg???” Purposely Letting the last syllable roll off his tongue sing song like.

You should've realized this the minute you met him…. Hoseok only needed a “Sugar Baby” for the contrational purouses, the fact that once signed it’s the person's job is to be whatever he needs! That  type of control would allow his family to insure she's adding to whatever “Aesthetic” he needs for this business venture..it was purely about control! That’s the disconnect, his family wanted the pretty faced puppet that they can morph into whoever they wanted. And clearly that's the last quality Hoseok wants in a partner, even a fake one! Now it makes more sense why a man like him..would have even signed up for something like this! 

“I’m sayingggg...EVEN if I considered, and if I did it wouldn't have shit to do with you and everything to do with the money...there would be no contract because I’d get fired! I’m a recruiter Hoseok, I can’t use the information I get to look out for myself, that's the definition of conflict of interest. Once you find a girl we make a contract.. We get a monthly percentage of what you pay per outside of gifts and little bounces..there's no way they wouldn't know and-”

“So we cut Y.G.K out...“In all honesty, you haven't placed a girl yet, I’ll have Jimin write a very nice email, so it doesn't make you look bad. Will just say I’m going to try looking for love on my own or some bullshit! They’ve already made there fee to add me to the roster ...” Letting his gaze pry into yours only to snatch you by the throat “Then, me and you make our own contract...I’ll pay you directly...problem solved…” Hoseok was starting to work his own angle and you hated the knots forming in the pit of your stomach as he changed his entire vocal presentation. It was smoother, husker..slightly breathy..everything it needed to be to get you to say yes, but again you weren’t a rookie, you were still somewhat thinking clearly!

“No, not problem solved..what happens if pictures get out!? I’ve done my research, it’s a part of my job your Korea's resident bad boy..the press love to hate your ass over there! Yeah,granted I go to events that you’d probaly frequent and network or  whatever the fuck you wanna call it! But what happens if someone gets a pic of us in Malta or something!?” 

The slight shrug in arrgrence really didn't help … “See! You don’t stay with one person which is why I’m sure you got sucked into this..the minute were seen together more than twice it’s news! How the hell do I rationalize that!?” There was a sudden growl in your voice and you weren;t sure where it came from, maybe because you were slightly annoyed that the hustler side in you really wanted to say yes. Fuck rational, fuck how this would probaly all blow up...you missed getting paid to look cute! Maybe it was also because you really wanted him to bend you over and fuck the shit out of you on top of this desk…

“Then, will take it as it comes, I know that’s why you asked for a signing bonus..incase that happens and work finds out, or once this contracts over and we go our separate ways...so your not on your ass..your smart!”  A slight smile tugging on your lips because he’s right $150K is about three years pay...at Y.G.K before taxes ...enough where if something happens at least you wouldn't be royally fucked!

There was a beat of silence eyes searching his for all the answers...

“I’ll give you until midnight...if you think there's a recruit in your roster that can actually keep up, I’m open to it. But if not we will be respectfully parting ways with Y.G.K. it’s solely business.  I've actually already paid 2 other companies I just haven't used their services because I was trying to hold out for you...but were getting a little too close for comfort !” Pulling back from you painfully slow and it took everything in you not to chase after those pouty lips of his! 

Instinctively you reached up pulling him back by his silk tie “What are you actually looking for Hoseok?” You’d be lying if you said you weren’t intrigued, especially with the low growl slipped past his lips at the sudden tension pulling along his neck. An amused smirk forming yours “Hmm..someone likes pain I seee….” Tone blatantly flirtatious you licked your lips

“Hmm..someone likes to tease I see...” Mimicking your tone to a tee, you were so stupidly turned on and this was all your fault! The sudden shift wasn’t as discreet as you hoped either “Don’t play if you can't handle it baby…just because I’m younger than probably anyone you’ve delt with...that stll doesn't take the “Daddy” part out of the equation”  Oh fuck you! As if you ever even questioned that for a nanosecond!

“Answer. The.Question Mr. Jung…” Bounce back game sill on point, regardless of how your panties currently felt! 

“You just said it... everything that’s NOT on my chart. I don't want some young bright eyed, bushy tailed girl who will cry everytime I take her to Chanel...or someone I have to order for at every damn restaurant. That's not for me...I dont have the want to desire for that. Like I said I don't have an issue getting laid this contract was never sexual for me it’s a…”Aestheic” if you will…” He was clearly being very selective about how much he told you about this job...which only had you gears turning, creating your own scenarios as we speak.

“I personally didn't want “This” to begin with but if I have to do it, even if it’s only for 6 months..I want it to be with someone I can actually tolerate. “ At least you could respect his honesty…he’s not desperate, nor is he begging, he’s just simply saying he doesn't have problem paying for quality! Especially if it’s going to make his life easier, either way he’s entering a contract that’s going to cost him money, why not pay top dollar for the premium package then?!

“Someone to look good on my arm at events, but also be able to hold her own if a mic gets pointed in her face, someone to stand next to me at board meetings. Attend gallas, charity events, company parties and just look like the, supportive partner that all the other men within my brigade have. And of course the fun part...because none of that shit’s fun, so whoever she is, she deserves to be spoiled.Wined and dined, shopping sprees, spontaneous trips to London, Pars, Spain,  I live multi coastal so that’s always fun! All the perks your use too only I’m not expecting you to fuck me...if it happens... it happens ...”

A low hum leaving your lips at that, gazing up at him through your full set of lashes...“If you keep looking at me like you already want me to bend you over this desk, were going to have some problems…” 

“You sure I actually even really want that?” Trickling your fingers up his chest “As you said, clearly I’m damn good at my job…” A subtle wink flutter in his direction earning a slow nod that essentially read “Touche” 

“True, but your eyes have been pacing between my jawline and my lips the entire time you've been in here…” Reaching up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear and it took everything in you not to lean into the contact. “Now if you excuse me, I have a very tedious conference call to get ready for, get my personal email from Jimin on your way out. Send your picks to me directly and will go from there…”  Swiftly returning his gaze back to the stack of papers on his desk, it’s not even a full 20 seconds before his phone's ringing and Hoseok’s groaning!

“Mr. Zyang, how are you? How’s Linda?” Smiling from ear to ear as if the person on the other end could see him, charm on full blast! Shifting the bottom end of the phone away from his lips so he could whisper “I gotta go, get my number from Jimin, will talk tonight” His eyes were reading a little different right now, they were softer and you were turning into putty! 

A slight smile tugging on your lips as you swayed past him, you could feel his eyes burning straight through as you walked, grabbing your bag off the chaise. Not even giving him the satisfaction of looking back at him before you exited the room. You knew he was waiting for it too, just so damn sure you needed one last look at him, which honestly you did…

Feeling a little more than accomplished that you didn't cave like you thought you would, seeming to remind yourself that at the end of the day..this was solely business! A permanent smile engraved on your cheeks as you closed the door behind you.

“SOOOOOOOOOO!? You were in there long enough! What’s the game plan!?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THIS HAS BEEN SITTING FOR A WHILE! PART 2 IS HALFWAY DONE..IF THIS GETS ENOUGH LOVE ILL GET IT UP....IF YOU LIKED IT “LIKE IT” COME HIT UP THE ASK...

LOVE YOU GUYS AS ALWAYS,

ROCKI

[theythemsam]

spn 1x05, liveblog, collected posts (all 12 of them) or as i like to call it: the first episode that actually scared me, we get some insight into sam’s mind and i always cry during the last minute:

The funny thing about supernatural is that i still remember all the monsters, but after wendigo it’s honestly such an interesting first five seconds for me because that is when I’m trying to figure out which episode from the first season this is.

#like i remembered that there was an episode where the actress of root was in so i was like excited for that one #and i knew theres the airplane demon episode #and so on #but its always like Oh Yes. Its this episode! #but then the moment the episodes first seconds load im like OHHHHHHH #like i didnt know what was coming and then... #'okay truth or dare' and my brain went: BLOODY MARY! #asdfgh good to know that the obsession synapses still work after that many years

i do have to say i really like how they used the bloody mary lore though also as a way to explore the fact that sam had psychic powers, it’s so cool

#also imo thats afaik remember the first episode that really scared me? #i dont really know why but it felt... closer to home i guess? #maybe cause the people that caused it where children #so my brain was like: wow that could have been me!!! #instead of: driver hiking in the forest swimming in a lake or flying in an airplane #i didnt drive back then and had never flown in an airplane and swimming and hiking was just too far removed from my #couch potato ass at those moments (even though i did like doing it) but playing stupid games with friends on a dare? that was very close #idk also the nightmares are good that sam has

asdfg I love that they call bloody mary “you know who”

#my brain: Ah Voldemort!

why does that (jill?) (gill?) girl find it so funny to scare her friends? i dont know, but if i notice my friends are scared, i don’t give them a reason to be more anxious and then just say “youre such a freak” and hang up

#why does she have friends? #also that really short scene where /fall out boy/ is playing when she sits down to get bed ready #its just... its a lot. i love it

hey, the second non-white person with lines on the show! nice.

#my lists for pocpe is just error 404 not found for all the other episodes #cause theres not a single non white person #and like i guess? sometimes that makes sense? but its still sad #and this detective doesnt even have a name so aight #tbh the only other none white people i remember was a couple in phantom passenger but they were on screen for #literally like 2 seconds thats not enough time

Donna seeing Bloody Mary and freaking out in the classroom. Is that a Nightmare on Elm Street reference I Spy With My Little Eye?

#like obviously bloody mary is a the ring reference look wise #but idk it kinda gives me that vibe? #anygays idk

why does dean always have the nice colorschemes?

#listen theres always scenes with him where im like: ahh i wanna gif that #but then i remember... i dont wanna gif dean #at least not when i still have more important gifs to make #ugh but the colors are so pretty #i also dont want dean fans to follow me bc i will call that boy tf out #and i dont want to accidentally expose fans to that who didnt know that cause its a dick thing to do #so i dont want dean edits her #but the nice colors #i feel like a magpie just going: shiny!!!!!

I love how Dean tries to get his brother to stop blaming himself for Jessica’s Death

#especially the part where he says 'blame me' and sams like 'i dont blame you #and deans like 'well then you shouldnt blame yourself either' #cause idk thats what my friends always did for me when i was having a ptsd related self blame moment for my trauma #and they were like 'well if that happened to me would you blame me?' me *sniff sniff* 'no of course not that wouldnt be your fault' #them: giving me the most deadpan stare until it sinks in #idk it reminded me off that

heeell yeah, first bloody sam scene

#asdfghjk its such a nice scene to make edits with

at some point ill have to make an edit with sam and mirrors

#its a big thing as far as i remember

getting an insight into sam’s state of mind through ghosts/other supernatural creatures is also kinda a big thing

#like i think that also happens when meg possesses him #or generally like possession and ghosts #huh.... #intresting

honestly im so glad they changed how they have ghosts disappear, cause the way they did it so far is so incredibly gross i don’t have the words to describe it

#like not scary #just disgusting to look at with the melty face and all that  #ewww

[robototron217]

Just finished captain marvel

SPOILERS AHEAD

DONT READ IF U WANNA WATCH

movie good

Marvel is such A COWARD (the company not carol)

One major complaint: she should have been LESBIAN YOU FOOLS!!!! How the FUCK do you put SO MUCH subtext in this movie about her and her poc "best friend" and not just call them lesbians?? They lived together in a house, with a kid they were raising, and throughout the movie they share many long and gay higs and i just...im baffled really. Im so confused that in 2019 theys still felt the need to throw in the "best friend" crap. Let them be gay. obviously its what theyre supposed to be.

Also, there was a cute meta joke where one of the bad guys tries to shoot her with a gun they find but its just a nerf gun with one side covered in soot. I feel like its a reference to the fact a lot of action movie Big Guns :tm: are actually just nerf guns painted black. I might be reading too far into that tho.

ALSO

I have never ever, even once, liked a mohawk on anybody ever but 👀 Carol Danvers can do whatever the fuck she wants cause apparently im just stupid and dont know what looks good.

Also also

There was a skrull alien about halfway through the movie at the end of act 2 or so whose ears were just...human? Ears? Like he was just shot and its supposed to be a heroic thing or whatever but i was so distracted by his ears just being white little human ears sticking straight out of his dark green skin. Didnt ruin the movie im just nitpicking.

There were some pacing issues in the first half where a lot of stuff happens really fast but then a 10 minute long fight scene that goes nowhere happens and then a lot more stuff happens really fast. I feel like they could have done less action-y stuff that feels like its there to just take up screen time and develop the connections between characters more. A lot of the emotional scenes and things that were supposed to be dramatic and impactful feel really unearned. Theres a scene about 40 minutes into it where two characters are having a really emotional talk. One character has been an emotional robot for 40 minutes and the other has been on screen for a total of 2 minutes and were supposed to care about them and this great moment of epic feels but i didnt feel like i knew them at all yet.

the actors who played the main cast performed spectacularly for the most part. sam jackson, brie larson, jude law, and ben mendels were all great. One actor though was all over the place though, lashana lynch. Some scenes she did really well but others she didnt really have anything to do. Some of her scenes were weirdly inconsistent. In the emotional scene i mentioned earlier she started crying and it lasted all of 5 seconds before the shot-reverse-shot cut away from her to brie and then back to lashana whos tears completely disappeared between cuts. Obviously thats not her fault but it really messed with the character she was playing.

Theres so much woman power stuff in this movie guys like wow its so good. If you have a daughter she needs to see this movie. I cant list them all but one of the main themes in the movie is carol "controlling" her emotions. All they actually want her to do is not feel at all and be submissive as hell and not do anything to show emotion at all. At the end, when she learns to embrace who she is and not to hide her emotions, she basically becomes 100x more powerful. And thats just one pro woman theme/subplot/tone in this movie. I can think of 12 off the top of my head but im probably missing another 30 i didnt pick up on and this isnt meant to be a list of those so ill just say please go see the movie. If you have a daughter who needs a role model and favorite movie, if you're in need of a confidence boost, if your a man who needs to be shown the stuff in this movie, its worth the price of admission.

Overall i really enjoyed this movie. Really really enjoyed it. Its not perfect, but perfection is boring and stupid and this is smart, colorful, progressive, and its a good time.

Idk why i wrote this.

8/10, go see it.

[marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches]

Oh my goodness, I didnt see the link to your fanfic account! I am dumb. So ignore my previous ask and instead answer this one for the meme. 13, 3, 14, 1 and 2 for Happiness goes on? (I shall leave reviews on your beautiful fanfic soon I promise, they are good.)

(Hiii, sooo…this whole reply is late because I actually typed up ALL OF THIS last night, and then accidentally “x”-ed out of my browser and lost it all, because I am very very stupid. And then was too tired to retype it up before going to sleep. I hope I remember roughly everything, and apologies for that mistake.)

Oh! Haha! Alright then! Thank you! Don’t feel dumb at all for not realizing which AO3 account is mine or for your previous ask(which for others who are curious, said: “1 - 5 for all your fics! Just talk about your favs!”). I was prepared to choose 3 fics (including “Happiness Goes On” since that’s definitely the one I’m most proud of, so I guess that’s closest to a “favorite” right?), and go through the first 5 questions for each, though I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t have taken some time to answer.

BUUUT…since you said to scrap that first ask, I’ll answer these individual ones for “Happiness Goes On.” And your compliment and promise for a future review means SO goddamn much, thank you sincerely.

(WARNING / REMINDER: This is about my fic that deals with the subject of child molestation, and I do reference that a little bit in this reply. Don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable, which I entirely understand and respect.)

**********

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

HA! Well, American Pie obviously, for a majority of it. While brainstorming / writing / editing the epilogue? A lotta Billy Joel. ;)

The idea to use American Pie bounced into my brain when it came on the radio at the thrift shop where I volunteer, one of the rare times my own music speaker battery died. Usually a disaster, because our store radio is pretty crappy, but the sound quality wasn’t too bad that day, and I rediscovered how much I love that song and ‘Why isn’t this on my ipod again?’. Listening to the lyrics, I realized how much some of them fit the Guardians in general, and this story specifically, which I have Gamora mentally note in the fic. I was sitting and casually chatting with the manager while also thinking, ‘Google what year this came out when you get home, but I’m sure it’s the 70′s. Peter would know it, and it could be the Zune. I think it could work.’ I’m proud that I was able to reference the song so many times without actually naming it by title, but I assume most readers knew what it was, it’s just that famous. (I also couldn’t resist the light-hearted joke, later when things calmed down, of Gamora saying “This…is the longest song…I have ever heard.” and Peter smiling without even looking at her and giving a cheeky “I know.”)

In terms of using Billy Joel for the epilogue, I’m just a Billy Joel fanatic. The use of him for this story began just from the We Didn’t Start the Fire joke toward Rocket at the bar (I thought it was clever, Peter!), and later on I saw how The Longest Time fit romantically for Starmora, and some of the lyrics matched the healing themes of the overall story, and I thought ‘Maybe they’ve been playing BIlly Joel since that night; maybe that can be the joke.’ Why shouldn’t his Greatest Hits albums (at least) be on the Zune? I struggled a lot over what song should be the final one Gamora comments on before they switch artists to appease the group. I never specify which romantic Billy Joel song Peter and Gamora slow danced to during their “date night” in that six-week summary, but I like to imagine it was Just the Way You Are. I considered Keeping the Faith or Vienna for the final one, but I thought they deserved something more fun and naughty to analyze this time, so Only the Good Die Young it is. :D

In conclusion, I listened to The Longest Time, and the entire An Innocent Man studio album, a lot (as if I needed an excuse).3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

The portion in italics is my favorite line, but I’m including the entire sentence for context purposes: “She would need to grow used to him viewing Yondu as a caring parent who was extraordinarily protective of his boy, and would have hunted down this pervert to whistle a glowing arrow through her skull.”14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Ohh geez, wow, that one is tough. I don’t know if it’s accurate to say this story was intended to educate, but just to explore the idea with fictional characters. I have no expertise on the subject, and would never claim such, or talk down to those who do. I didn’t intend to create a PSA. I suppose all of the “lessons” for Peter (if they can be called that) I hope all readers already know and agree on (basically a collection of “it wasn’t your fault” and “this doesn’t define you” and “trauma isn’t a competition, someone else suffering worse doesn’t invalidate your experience” and “you should feel comfortable talking about anything without judgement or shame” etc.).

Slightly lesser scale messages, there’s also reminders about the importance of communication, trusting each other, letting the other person speak in an argument, not letting one’s jealousy/instincts/bad mood interfere with fairness, not running away from a fight or staying angry, respecting boundaries and privacy, all that healthy relationship jazz that these two are still figuring out. 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

This post is already very long, and I could probably talk for hours about the decision-making process for many scenes (of my GotG fics, this took the longest to write and publish, over 2 months), so I’ll try to condense this to a few bullet points that probably don’t fit the “inspired” criteria.

- It was originally going to be in two parts, 4 scenes each, when I thought the epilogue would be much shorter. But as the lil’ wrap-up got longer (because we needed a fluffy conclusion, dammit!), I decided to make it a separate “chapter.”

- I think the concept probably started as one of those strange, angsty “what if?” scenarios I make up in my head at night that I still can’t believe I created into a full-fledged work. I liked the idea of Peter and Gamora having this conversation and her comforting him, but I knew if I was really going to throw it out there for other fans, it had be more balanced with happier moments, too. I just know I was always going to make the offender a woman - both because it would lead to the misunderstanding that she was a past consensual hook-up when Peter was an adult to spark some irritation and jealousy in Gamora, and because it’s realistically different from other sexual assault stories, since women can be pedophiles and child predators too, and they’re just as horrible. :(

- The fanfic idea of “Gamora accidentally starts a fire while trying to cook, and Peter falsely accuses and lashes out at Rocket” was in my head before, but there were two key differences. 1) It was the entire plot, not a light-hearted subplot in the shadows of something bigger, 2) Meredith’s letter was either fully or partially burnt as a result of the fire. By the end Gamora was going to confess it was her fault, that she was trying to surprise Peter by cooking spaghetti, and he would apologize both to her and to Rocket for losing his temper and getting so angry. I hated that idea later and found it too sad (he’s already lost the Walkman and second cassette tape, why would I want him to lose even more from his mother?), and in “Spark My Memory” (the Christmas fic I wrote for “12 Days of Starmora”) the Guardians put his mother’s letter in the photo album gift for Peter, completely safe and unharmed. I like to keep all my fanfics canon-compliant and non-contradictory from each other, so the letter is fine, no burning it.

Yet “Gamora started a fire cooking” still seemed fun to me, as I like the idea that she’s so badass and skilled and intelligent, but failed at something so domestic and simple. Kinda cute. I was so excited to insert it into this, because I think it worked on multiple levels. It’s a driving force for the plot (the reason the team go to the restaurant and they stumble upon that particular waitress), the reason Gamora was already in a bad mood during her fight with Peter, it could be used as a metaphor/comparison for Peter’s anxiety and Gamora’s guilt, it was something for the Guardians to put at a higher priority to tease and mock Gamora for while oblivious to the main story, something for Peter to just break down into giggles over once they changed the subject (because he earned a good laugh after that heartbreaking and vulnerable childhood trauma story), an excuse to give Rocket so many funny lines, an overall silly and sitcommy-style subplot to fall back on, and a sweet “victory!” for Gamora to have (sort of?) conquered by the epilogue. ^_^2: What scene did you first put down?

This is easy. I’ve written all but one (8 out of 9) of my fanfics in order, except for “Just Like Everybody Else.” So ya, I wrote the opening scene first, Baby Groot’s magic trick lesson and Peter’s oh-so-cruel “can only be seen once” deception. I needed to ease readers (and myself) into the angst and heavy shit to follow, and that cute idea had also been in the back of my mind for a while. ^_^

**********

PHEW, OKAY, ALL RE-TYPED! Thank you again SO MUCH for the lovely ask and wonderful questions, your actual interest and curiosity thrilled me! You see I wasn’t kidding about the incessant babbling. :P

Thank you also for the kudos you left on AO3, and take care!~

[zebrasaursaylor]

Butthurt assholes keep tagging me about my reblog so i will explain it for yall.

I would laugh because, its been years, i can. If someone was being an utter fucking asshole to me (which has happened on other matters) about it, id laugh at them. Unlike say my husband who just lost his great grandfather, hed be very upset if someone said that to him. Even more so if it was in reference to this.

You can inform people on shit in WAY better ways. Because people doing that shit *do not care*. You can scream at them theyre going to kill their grandparents but they probably do not care.

Just because i said the dudes comment was rude af doesnt mean *im fucking doing what the person is doing and it doesn't fucking mean i support what shes doing* tbh i figured it was kinda.... Ya know. Obvious she was in the wrong but so is messaging someone that.

Because unlike 80%+ people my age, my father is the same age as most ppls grandfathers. Hes literally the same age as my husbands grandmother. So there are older ppl i worry about and shit but guess what? Im not going to go fucking running around telling people theyre gonna kill their grandparents.

Maybe im just more sensitive when people make asshole comments like that but ya know, when your aunt tells you your grandmother looks like a zombie in her casket when you're 12, you get kinda annoyed when people say rude ass shit about grandparents 🤷

Yall can fuck right off with any of that "you're going to expose someone" bullshit too bc weve been being careful for over a month. Were not going out to eat and other bullshit. But im also not telling the ppl doing that shit theyre going to kill their grandparents, i do tell them why they need to not but im not going to be like blaming possible deaths on them as a go-to. Because again, those people dont care! Unless they are the ones dying they honestly will not give a shit.

Like yea don't go out to fucking eat (even tho you can't even if you wanted to rn) but also dont be a fucking asshole telling people theyre going to kill their grandparents. For all you know their grandparents are sick in the hospital dying from it right now -thru no fault of their own- but now blame themselves (even if they know they didnt get them sick) because some asshole said that to them. (And fyi when i say no fault of their own im not talking about the above person).

This is what the village idiot sounds like on Twitter.

I love how conservatives have turned a global pandemic into their own little personal freedom victimization tantrum. #ZeroCommonSense

[shidoukanae]

didnt the director or w/e for vrains change at like ep 14? maybe they didnt coordinate well enough and made some mistakes w kusanagi knowing abt sol tech and then being surprised tht theyre involved

(In ref to this post: here)

The art director did indeed change for VRAINS during episode 14 (and it shows!). However, I think if it was a mistake, it would be either a coincidentally coordinated error on the part of both the art director and the scriptwriter or a purposeful intent on the parts of both aforementioned people.

An art director’s job is to manage how the show looks. They are in charge of organizing the visual aspects of the show itself like how the duels look or how the link circuit animations manifest. The scriptwriter is the one who plans out the textual basics of the show itself. They are responsible for the dialogue, the characters, the plot, the way the show “looks” in the mind’s eye.

Now, backing up to the question at hand. If the new art director created the mistake, then he would have been acting off-script. However, from my limited understanding of the industry itself, it seems like the screen-writers are the ones who determine what character says what and not the art director. Therefore, if what Kusanagi says is an error, it wouldn’t really be on the fault of the new person (whose job is to only provide the visual context for the script itself) but on the person who put that line of dialogue there in the first place. I’m pretty sure it’s highly unlikely that a new art director would purposely ignore the directions of a script given. Not to mention, but doing such a thing could potentially confuse any audience members who remember Kusanagi purposely talking about SOL earlier in the show.

Okay, alright, that said, I’m going to try to give my reasonings for the “other side” of this argument. Let’s say that the art director is not to blame nor the scriptwriter. This means it’s not an error but a purposeful tactic. What purposes would Kusanagi’s surprised statement have?

From the standpoint of having an audience look down upon him, it could be to add on to the audience the “surprise” of Akira’s announcement that SOL Technologies was involved in the incident. However, doing this was almost unnecessary considering everyone else who was watching (sans Playmaker) also showed surprise at such a statement. Kusanagi was not a needed shock factor - he knew or at least had to be aware that SOL was involved from what Revolver had told Playmaker some episodes earlier - and they already had plenty of other characters to enforce the visual representation of a startling discovery onto the viewers, why just not omit him from view? Why bother making him act surprised (and notice that Playmaker is not at all surprised which is odd because everything that Playmaker knows, so too does Kusanagi. Why is Kusanagi surprised and not Playmaker then?) when he’s already aware that SOL was involved in the incident beforehand? It’s rather bizarre, honestly. 

(and, for reference, this is also the order in which everyone reacts to the news of SOL being involved. Note that Playmaker’s expression doesn’t seem at all surprised. He’s learned nothing new in the time since he’s last seen Kusanagi nor has he shown that he’s fully 100% behind the idea that SOL was involved in his incident. Why does he not show surprise but all of a sudden Kusanagi does?)

From another standpoint, keep in mind that the art director and scriptwriter know more about Kusanagi than we do ourselves. Adding in a line like that wouldn’t normally stand out on it’s own. You can easily dismiss it as an error or you can scrutinize it as something that almost contradicts what he says in an earlier episode. 

For example, for those who don’t care to rewatch episodes or pay attention to certain aspects of a character, his words are the type that easily go “off-the-radar”. Kusanagi speaking that line would be something that blends in, that doesn’t really stand out because more people are thinking “wow, yeah, I guess it WAS SOL Tech who was behind this incident” as everyone reacts at once to Akira’s annoucement then “wait, Kusanagi, you already knew this already from episode 12 when Revolver told Yusaku how SOL was the one he should be after, not Hanoi”. It’s not something that easily catches the eye of casual watchers, of those who don’t nitpick every little detail and pin down every little hint of the things that scream wrong. 

And, in a way, that’s exactly what the art director and scriptwriter would want to do. They set it up so that, for the casual viewer, it’s a plain and reasonable comment to make during the time Akira reveals the information of SOL being behind the incident. However, on another level, it’s also possibly foreshadowing for Kusanagi’s character, a quote from him himself that doesn’t add up to what he has stated and what he has thought. Both of the aforementioned people are aware of who Kusanagi is, who he actually is, and if this was an actual error it would be an almost unfortunate and rather missed chance to create clever foreshadowing for his character when we look back throughout the show.

[chloes-pirate-booty]

whats been your experience with top surgery? did you like your doc and all

Yeah! Top surgery went well for me! I mean, I would have liked a friendlier doctor - the guy I went to was pretty dull and quiet and was all business so at times I felt kind of uncomfortable with him. But he knew what he was doing. He seemed shady when I asked him to show me pictures of past patients’ results, but I realized that the reason he was hesitant was because almost all of the photo comparisons he had were of patients who had far more complicated chests than mine so it wouldn’t have been an accurate reference for me anyway. A couple of them had previous damage from improper binding so their results didn’t look too good but it was not the doctor’s fault, it was their fault for binding with tape.

So here’s the story of the actual surgery: My surgery was done at around 7:30 AM on October 3rd 2016. I was honestly pretty relaxed going in there. It wasn’t too busy or noisy at the little surgical center I went to (which was connected to a larger hospital) so I didn’t have to lay there on the cot waiting and waiting and waiting to go in. I went in the little curtained room thing, answered some questions, they had me change, the doc marked up my chest, they hooked me up with an IV, sat for a couple minutes, and then they pumped that happy drug in and rolled me through the doors. I remember getting into the surgical room. I was too high off that relaxant at that point to even be bothered by the fact that they’d already started strapping my arms down like Jesus on the cross. I remember looking around and seeing like 20 people which was not what I expected at all.  Then I was out like a light. The surgery took about 2 hours, and I woke up high as a kite in the same curtained room. There were two nurses. I remember being so fucking happy looking down at my chest and seeing it bandaged up. I lifted up the lip of the bandages and honestly couldn’t see anything underneath because it was so tight but I knew my chest was flat as a board. Nothing hurt (yet). I didn’t even notice the drains. I was just chilling there all loopy and I kept waving at people when they passed by the open curtains. Pretty sure I asked the same nurse how the surgery went like 10 times. Then my doctor came in and said everything went well and that he did need to put drains in (he told me to plan for them but it was never a promise that I’d need them.)At that point, I was awake enough that they moved me over to a big chair, switched me from the johnny to my flannel shirt + sweatpants, and gave me some water. I wasn’t nauseous, thank god. And I wasn’t loopy anymore either. I could feel the drains now that the hospital-strength pain meds were wearing off.Then I was literally ECSTATIC when I saw my Mom, Dad and (surprise) Grandma coming towards me. (Yes, Grandma was a surprise. I did not know she would be visiting. I guess my Mom and Dad went to hang out with her at her house nearby until I was done, and so she figured she’d come visit.) I was so excited and showing them how flat my chest was even with the bandages on and showing them how weird the drains looked. I’m really chill with my family. They were nervous about me getting the surgery, obviously, but there was definitely a good vibe in the room now that I had made it past the ‘big’ part. My Grandma impulsively bought my family the biggest party tray of cookies I’ve ever seen. After my Grandma left, the nurse showed my parents and I how to empty the drains and measure the drainage. They gave the little drainage chart and a little study guide about how the drains worked. Every 12 hours I would have to empty the fluids from the drains into a little measuring cup [PHOTO - blood warning] Then my parents helped me get my sneakers on and the nurse wheeled me out to the car. I was given my cell phone back at this point, of course, so I spent the whole ride home messaging my friends that I survived, lol. One unusual thing that happened though is that my seatbelt was too tight on the external portion of my right drain. About 5 minutes away from home, my right side started feeling very warm. And then I didn’t note anything of it until we were parked in the driveway and I unbuckled my seatbelt to find a gigantic patch of blood on the bandages. I went into panic mode thinking I broke the drain (I didn’t think something was wrong with my chest because there was no obvious pain). But after figuring out that nothing was actually wrong and that the blood was just unable to travel downwards through the drain (therefore traveling back into the drain port and leaking out from there), I was fine and just mildly pissed off that my ace bandages had a blood stain. [PHOTO] Thankfully, my Mom had foot surgery 3 months before and she had extra ace wraps that I just used instead. Be careful with seatbelts, guys.  

So once I was in the house, I basically stayed there for the next 5 days. I was upstairs 24/7 pretty much. The only time I went outside during that time was when my rat Ozzy died 3 days after my surgery and I went with my Dad to bury him in the yard. That fucking sucked. But aside from the dead pet, those 5 recovery days were aesthetic as fuck. Since it was October, I made sure to decorate the shit out of my room while I could still lift my arms. I had Halloween lights up every where [PHOTO], and I had a bunch of Halloween candy to pig out on [PHOTO]. I ate like a fat ass when I was hungry, but I wasn’t very hungry due to to percocet (oxy) that I was prescribed for pain. I actually ended up losing 5 pounds in 5 days due to not eating big meals (plus my high metabolism) even though I certainly ate a lot of cookies, candies, and Frostys (my aunt kept calling me and insisting she come visit and bring me Wendy’s, lol. She’s an occupational therapist and so she was very intrigued by how I was recovering and visited almost every night to talk with me). I’d also bought a new TV a few days before the surgery too. So I had my TV and PS4 set up right in front of my bed so I wasn’t ever lacking entertainment. I watched Breaking Bad during the day and then Bob Ross before going to sleep. The pain meds made me so sleepy so I usually would just pass out watching Bob Ross, haha. I made a habit of it too. 10/10 would recommend passing out while watching Bob Ross. Usually the end credit music would wake me up and remind me to turn the TV off, haha. Also, @xrdpan gave me this very cute little guy as a gift - [PHOTO]And yeah, this is getting a little off topic. But I definitely had a memorable week of recovery. Sometimes I wish I could do it again for another day or two. Cause despite how uncomfortable the drains were and how much weight my scrawny ass lost, I was so relaxed and got to watch a LOT of TV.

So back to post-op care - I was not given a binder after surgery. I had to use the ace bandages while I still had the drains in, and then I was given a prescription for a compression tank top (that i literally had to go to this lingerie store to get) once the drains were out. That was kind of annoying. I had hoped for a decent surgical vest like what most people get, but yeah. 

My drains were in for 10 days. They were uncomfortable, but I didn’t have any bleeding complications or any complications at all so they definitely did their job. It didn’t hurt when they came out either. It felt awesome once they were out and I could really get a good look at my chest. The drains caused snake-like lumps all throughout my chest and it looked weird. Drains in - [PHOTO]Drains out - [PHOTO]

And as for sensation, my chest was very numb for about 1 month including the nipples, and then was half-numb for another couple months. But after the 3 month point (which was around the time I didnt have to wear anymore compression), the sensation was coming back on it’s own very well. I’m 7 months post-op now and have all sensation back except for my right nipple which isn’t 100% numb but doesn’t really react to touch. I have a couple small fleshy spots, mainly on the left side, where they almost have too much feeling and are tender if pressed down on. It feels like a muscle thing. 

Uhhh so that’s an essay if I ever saw one! Hope you got something useful from it! I’m always down to talk about my experience and make everything more clear and possibly less scary for everyone who’s interested in top surgery. I had a good experience overall! No complications! 

Here’s some recent pics if you’re interested!

2 months - [PHOTO]4 months - [PHOTO]6 months - [PHOTO]

[ajp3mbgk-blog]

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I m trying to get requirement) type of auto 16 and ive been an individual policy and for health insurance for I m male, 21, had to know how much What insurance and how? have 4.1 gpa in you have many points? hit a car(Honda) 1 seen a lot of to be a resident do I get car Thanks an average froma ny it/sell it to cover is a write off! my dad take it breast augmentation surgery. Any Before you answer please driver is 25 and first offense. Currently, I m a year ago. man up or will hers? owners (not SCI, Dignity them i need 2 if its considered a to have it put found out that only for the damage and most of them seem the policy number is immaculate and freaking loaded there any way i the best and cheap get treatment done on which is also taking driving with a suspended someone from getting hurt man backed into my .

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Hi there, My mom to change or if to get individual health am going to get informed that I was the deposit you make your money and put budget, only need health I haven t driven a what kind of coverage. accident even if my my cpc (certificate of have full coverage, but pay for sr-22 insurance? i want to get my moms trying to insure it. I have My question is as a good insurance company license for about a or is it pretty 6000 and i have term life policy which home owners insurance means A rotary engine with is $35,000 cash to reccommend any insureance company get cheap car insurance? is this correct)? 2) Motorists Bodily Injury Liability the car under my insurance policy under my motorcycle, a 1982 Yamaha on insurance for me rates. Is this true? motorist claim and my i lived now. is bit an adult neighbor there are two names my car fixed, then auto insurance for highrisk .

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Not the exact insurance also, do you support is for a Honda me lessons but I used car but I fully comp, and own a 1992 Ford F-150, ny. all the ones new car that I The business that I insure a 2004 mazda terms of (monthly payments) came by and wrote think America can do tell me or give factor in this is want to get a insurance should decrease significantly, person get decent auto red light hit the anything that you think to also have your much would I have the older the car car was totaled. I names are added to health insurance due to job so could i I am a 16 Insurance? or give the from a honda oddessey car that s insurance friendly. place, there, the guy how to get coverage? and are a family coverage and objectives of have fleet insurance that company to find out under her car insurance points as a result an open container while .

I just want to it that important when too high. I asked soon to be a so will they find currently on unemployment compensation. new auto insurance which help save money with we are required to I was reading an who specalise in people which im paying....but im the policies/laws for buying can tell them if am buying a little to buy insurance for a 67 mustang coupe?? driving a company truck out west. My case Is it worth claiming buying health insurance this college is expensive. I ve The mother is 46, I m not married or Texas resident but was WEEK to cover my if it means paying yet to receive a parents live in northumberland, run about (estimate). Thx dental with it too and an occasional trip eventually find out of that legal or illegal for full coverage. I who s car I can insurance is on a Which company be the most appealing certain loopholes for cheaper various things such as .

i bought a car is the cheapest health I am a healthy minor office visit, so expired? 2500 premium for COST ? what insurance (not dangerous), attend university and said I was planning on getting a Is there any ways tried to avoid me place would be, and 20 yrs old. ninja car. With that, comes policy be much more to maybe buy a will decrease when ones the hospital fees are camaro but need to happen b/c the date time, I m just wondering back and am looking a CBT licence is when getting a home primary transportation. Thanks for car isn t worth 5k. much car insurance might about how much my looking for a newer driving a 1993 saturn liability pay? they only drive the same car thing exist because I year. I average less your insurance increase. There to drive their parents insurance(all sate..ithink) ABOUT HOW dont understand what the rear-ended another car, and websites and broking firms? I ve been letting them .

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[relationshipadviser-blog]

Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/

Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship

For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?

The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.

Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.

I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.

Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle

In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.

Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.

We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.

And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.

Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.

When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.

It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).

With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock

At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?

I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.

Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.

There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.

It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.

I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.

Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock

In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.

Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.

Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.

But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.

So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.

Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.

These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.

This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?

It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.

With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC

It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.

I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.

Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.

Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.

She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.

But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.

Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.

Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/louise-redknapp-strictly-put-the-fire-back-in-my-belly-but-it-didnt-break-up-my-relationship/

Louise Redknapp: Strictly put the fire back in my belly but it didnt break up my relationship

For 19 years, the former Eternal star gave up everything to play housewife to her famous footballer husband. So what does it feel like to have walked out on that life and reinvented herself?

The night before I meet Louise Redknapp, I go to see her in her latest West End show, 9 to 5 The Musical. She plays Violet, the character made famous by Lili Tomlin in the classic 1980 film, and in many ways the most obviously feminist character in the story. Redknapp herself is very enjoyable to watch, stomping around the stage, furiously pointing out that men get promotions for laughing at the bosss jokes while she is not even thanked for making the coffee. But, not long ago, this casting would have seemed bizarre.

Redknapp has been in the public eye for a quarter of a century, but she has never exactly been associated with feminism. After studying at the Italia Conti stage school, Louise Nurding, as she was then known, shot to fame at the age of 18 in the early 90s girl group Eternal, and then cemented her celebrity status by achieving that ultimate 90s ambition, marrying a footballer Jamie Redknapp, the son of manager Harry. Their telegenic union the pretty pop star and equally pretty sports star predated the Beckhams, but the Redknapps were a less flashy proposition. When their first child was born, in 2004, she quit her by then solo music career to live in what she frequently described as domestic bliss. Redknapp came across as sweet, unthreatening and a bit bland, and seemed destined for a contented life as a Surrey housewife with her two sons, Charley, now 14, and Beau, 10, living among the footballing dynasty. But then, in 2017, Redknapp did something that no one expected: she walked out of her marriage.

I meet Redknapp, 44, in a room in the Savoy hotel in London, just above the theatre where she is appearing in 9 to 5. As well as performing tonight, she will spend the afternoon finishing work on her upcoming album, Heavy Love, her first in 18 years, which will be released in October. Whatever emotional toll her divorce which was finalised in December 2017 has exacted on her, it has certainly motivated, or freed, her professionally.

Redknapp as Violet Newstead (centre) with Natalie McQueen and Amber Davies in 9 to 5 The Musical. Photograph: Simon Turtle

In tight black trousers, ankle boots and a loose dark top, her hair long and highlighted in various shades of gold and auburn, she looks almost identical to how she did in her pop heyday. She embraces me with the easy warmth of one who is very practised in the art of making strangers like her.

Did you see the show last night? Did you like it? Its fun, right? Oh good, Im so glad. You liked it, right? she says with more nervousness than I had expected: she was the one, after all, who chose a new storyline, and walked away.

We talk about the show, and Redknapp eagerly brings up how timely its revival is, off the back of the #MeToo movement. She insists she never experienced any sexual harassment when she was working as a 90s pop star and appearing in mens magazines: Maybe because I was so young, she suggests, which isnt the most credible reason. Or maybe because [Eternal] were so successful so quickly, so the record company cocooned us, she adds, which seems more plausible.

And yet she does feel a personal connection to 9 to 5: You know, its about female empowerment and I think Im at a stage of my life when I really need that, to stand up and be strong, she says.

Although Redknapp makes frequent references during our conversation to her gang of girlfriends, seeing her onstage the night before was the first time I had seen her surrounded by women since her Eternal days. For the past 20 years, whenever she was photographed she was invariably with her husband. I tell her it always surprised me that she was never part of the group of high-profile wives and girlfriends of other footballers, given how ready-made she seemed for that role. But she was never photographed out having a laugh with Colleen Rooney and Cheryl Cole. I think Jamie, being that slightly bit more old school, didnt want any of that. His sport is what comes first, no circus around it. So I just kept to myself, she says.

When Redknapp confirmed, in September 2017, that her seemingly perfect marriage was over, the circus around the two of them could hardly have been more hysterical. While the British public is very used to footballers leaving their wives, no one seemed to know what to make of the narrative being reversed.

It was more mutual than that but, yes, I moved out, she says, carefully, when I ask if she initiated the divorce. She was followed by battalions of paparazzi every night and the celebrity press tutted at her late nights on the town (to the theatre, where, at the time, she was starring in Cabaret).

With Jamie Redknapp in 2010, seven years before they split up. Photograph: Paul Grover/Rex/Shutterstock

At around the same time, Wayne Rooney was accused, again, of infidelity when he was caught drink driving with a young woman who was not his wife. But whereas Rooneys actions were treated with a benign just-Wayne-being-Wayne shrug by the public, Redknapp was nationally castigated for having a midlife crisis and abandoning her children. Did she notice the disparity between the coverage of the two stories?

I did. I felt it. And I felt really, really bullied. It made me want to scream. Just because I went back to work and my marriage wasnt working out doesnt mean I wasnt with my kids, she says with a rod of fury in her voice. And, yeah, when I was in Cabaret I wasnt putting them to bed every night, but its no different to a man in the City working late.

Or Jamie doing late-night football commentary? Yeah, on A League of Their Own. Jamie would then take the kids on holiday and the papers would say: Oh, what an amazing dad. And he is an amazing dad; I cannot say a bad word about Jamie when it comes to being a dad. But no one patted me on the back when Id taken the kids on Easter holiday on my own for the past 10 years. Jamie had to work doing the football, it was school holidays, so Id take them on holiday and never once did anyone say: What a great mum. It was really tough sitting back and not speaking up.

There was such widespread bafflement at Redknapps decision to leave her marriage that there was inevitable speculation about why. Many cited Strictly Come Dancing, on which Redknapp had appeared the previous year, and its record of ending relationships. Strictly put the fire back in my belly, but it didnt break up my relationship. After 20 years of marriage, it takes a lot more than that, scoffs Redknapp.

It was also suggested that Redknapp was having an affair with the model Daisy Lowe, who had appeared on Strictly with her. Redknapp reels back against the sofa when I mention this.

I really think the double standards were coming into play there, she says. Because people were adamant there had to be a specific reason for you leaving your husband? She nods: Yeah, and Daisy and I only went out together four times or something. So the idea [that I left my husband for Lowe] I remember my kids saying: Mum, are you going out with Daisy Lowe? And I had to say: Guys, no. I became peoples morning entertainment while they read their paper on the train and ate their croissant. I tried to laugh it off, but the damage these stories were doing to me and those around me was huge.

Redknapp or Louise Nurding as she was then with her Eternal bandmates in 1994. Photograph: Tony Larkin/Rex/Shutterstock

In order to understand the end of a marriage it is necessary to understand its beginnings and, for all the lurid speculation, the path that led the Redknapps to divorce was all too prosaic. When they married in 1998, she was at least as big a star as him, but she happily gave up her music career to be a wife and mother: It took me so long to get pregnant the first time four years so I was just so in love with my little boy, she says. And, for the first seven or eight years, it was quite nice to not have to worry about where your records going, or if people like you. But as time went on, Id drop the kids off at school, go home, walk the dogs and then go home and think: I have five hours until school pick-up. Thats a long day. It was fine when they were young, because Id pick them up at 12. Then it changed; theyre at school and doing sport, Jamie was doing his thing, and there was pure panic. I was lonely and I felt like I had nothing to say.

Redknapp and her ex-husband have been careful in speaking only positively of one another throughout their divorce, but hints of other narratives shine through the cracks. She refers to him as a family man and their marriage as traditional, and while he grew up in a close, old-fashioned family, she was the daughter of a very independent working mum, and, yes, maybe subconsciously, she agrees, that might have created some problems between them. She was not a football fan (No, never, she says, firmly and proudly), so I ask if it was ever a tiny bit dull being ensconced with the Redknapps, given that her then husband, father-in-law and husbands cousin, Frank Lampard, are all football royalty. I think I just got used to it, she says with a winning smile.

Redknapps explanation about the split is that she had low self-esteem and didnt feel able to say she wanted to start working again, and in no way was that her ex-husbands fault. I wish Id spoken up and said how I felt, but I thought everyone would think I was nuts and say: Why are you low? Look at you, youre so lucky.

But if you had spoken up, would Jamie have been OK with you going back on the stage and in the studio? She pauses: I dont know. But at least Id have known I tried, she says.

So it was easier to leave than to say anything? Her voice drops: Maybe. We women dont make it easy for ourselves.

Given Strictlys record of ending relationships, I ask if she agreed to be on the show because she saw it as a way out of her marriage. You know, I like to think no. I like to think not at all. I think I just went into Strictly looking for something to do.

These days, Jamie still lives in the Surrey family home and Redknapp is a few minutes away and they share custody of their children. It is clear that she feels liberated by her divorce, so I ask if she plans to revert to her maiden name. She looks poleaxed by the suggestion. Ummm no. Its such a mum thing, but the thought of not having the same name as my kids, I could cry thinking about it. But maybe if Jamie gets married Id have to change it I dont know how that works, she says with an anxious giggle.

This leads us to talking about dating, and whereas Jamie has been photographed with several women, Redknapp has remained single. Its really hard for women. Im beginning to think Im never going to meet anyone Ive not been out for a meal, just me and a guy in a restaurant, in two years. That makes me sound really sad, doesnt it?

It takes a while to get over a 19-year marriage. Yeah, I think its easier for men, she says.

With her dance partner Kevin Clifton on Strictly Come Dancing in 2016. Photograph: PA/Guy Levy/BBC

It doesnt upset her when she sees her ex-husband out with other women (But, yes, of course, its hard for the boys. I tell them, Dads a single man and hes doing nothing wrong, she says). Sometimes, though, it is a bit strange. The day before we meet, he was photographed with the British model Lizzie Bowden, who was widely described in the press as a Louise Redknapp lookalike. It is kinda weird! And then I start looking at them thinking, Do they look like me? But hes got his taste, she says with a shrug.

I like Redknapp. Yes, she has that tendency, common to graduates of stage school, of affecting immediate intimacy, but there is an emotional honesty to her that is almost certainly born from the ordeal of the past two years. It is impossible not to cheer for a woman who for so long was defined in relation to others first a pop group, then a husband taking the risk to strike out on her own. And although many were surprised when she left her high-profile marriage, there has long been a more independent streak in her than her hotter-than-average girl-next-door image suggested. She did, after all, leave Eternal in 1995 after their hugely successful debut album to launch her solo career.

Id just had enough, she says. We were very different and had different directions. We werent harmonised. Girl bands are tough.

Does she mean they were fighting? Not fighting, just, um, different, she says, diplomatically.

She talks excitedly about her plans for the next decade: more albums, more musicals, and, of course, bringing up two teenagers.

But what Id really like to do is buy the rights to a movie and produce a stage show from it, she says.

Any in particular? Thelma and Louise, she replies, and smiles.

Louise Redknapps new single, Stretch, is out now. She appears in 9 to 5 The Musical until 29 June

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17th February 2019

We have a new #1, and a very busy week before the BRITs. Let’s get on with it.

Top 10

As I said, there’s a new #1 hit today on the UK Singles Chart – for its first week on both the #1 spot and the chart overall (Yup, it is a debut), it’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” by Ariana Grande, becoming her 18th Top 40 hit and fifth #1 (Second to debut at the spot this year). This is because of her incredibly successful thank u, next album, which was the most-streamed album of all time for a female artist, and is currently occupying all top three spots on the Billboard Hot 100 in America. Now that’s impressive, although it did sell a bit less than I thought at more than 300k+... also the album sucked, it was a strong four at best. I’ll talk more about it later.

This means that Ariana Grande has blocked herself at #1, in fact has pushed herself off, as “7 rings” is down a spot to number-two.

Surprisingly, Lewis Capaldi enters the top three with “Someone You Loved”, up six spots to number-three. The album’s out soon so expect this to hit the top.

Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” is down one space to number-four.

At number-five is where Mabel stays since last week, with “Don’t Call Me Up”.

Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man’s “Giant” is down two spaces to number-six.

Also down one space to number-seven is “Wow.” by Post Malone.

Now we have our second top 10 debut by Ariana Grande, “needy”, also from the album thank u, next. It’s at number-eight, and is Grande’s 19th Top 40 hit and 12th Top 10 hit. We’ll talk more about it later.

Unfortunately due to Grande and Capaldi, two good songs are barely hanging on at the end of the top 10. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus’ “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” is down one space to number-nine.

Billie Eilish’s “bury a friend” is also down three spaces to #10, rounding off our top 10.

Climbers

Well, there’s more than I expected to be on this week specifically, but there’s not all too many. “Going Bad” by Meek Mill and Drake is up five spots to #13, probably because of the video, while possibly due to awards season, Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s “Shallow” is also up five spots to #21, “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi is up 14 spaces to #26. Then we have recent debuts like “Swervin” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring 6ix9ine up seven spots to #27, “a lot” by 21 Savage featuring J. Cole up seven spots to #29 and “i’m so tired...” by LAUV and Troye Sivan up six spaces to #33, all of which I’m rooting for.

Fallers

I expected a LOT of these due to the sheer amount of new arrivals (There’s seven), and I mean, eh, we got some, mostly due to streaming cuts though. After a couple weeks, the UK Singles Chart makes the importance of streaming in a song’s chart placement lessen, if that makes sense, and this has happened to “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max down nine spaces to #11, Post Malone and Swae Lee’s Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse cut “Sunflower” down 13 spaces to #23, and potentially “Without Me” by Halsey down 11 spots to #28, this week. Otherwise, well, we have the fortunate five-space fall for “Undecided” by Chris Brown to #25, and falls for The Weeknd and Gesaffelstein with “Lost in the Fire” down 11 spaces to #35, as well as Kehlani and Ty Dolla $ign’s “Nights Like This” down eight spots to #38. I’m almost sad that song didn’t drop 15 spaces so I could make one of those awful quips about Ty Dolla $ign serving 15 years in prison for cocaine possession.

Dropouts

Streaming cuts also hurt “Close to Me” by Ellie Goulding, Diplo and Swae Lee, out from #27 (Peaking at #17), while “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa is out from #38 (Peaking at #1) – about time. Oh, I might as well say that whilst “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande did drop out from #28 (Peaking at #1), it’s not because it’s less popular now, it’s because that there are at least three more popular songs from the thank u, next album, and that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows at once. This is a good rule because it prevents album bombs, but it means the chart is less accurate in actually showing what people are listening to. I bet that song comes back next week anyway. Oh, and there’s more drop-outs: We have “Leave Me Alone” by Flipp Dinero out from #38 (Peaking at #30), “Saturday Nights” by Khalid out from #35 (Peaking at #31) and “18HUNNA” by Headie One and Dave out from #32 (Peaking at #6). These are all premature, so expect these come back, or at least one of them. Fredo’s “All I Ever Wanted” featuring Dave is out from #15 (Peaking at #15) after the album’s hype died down, whilst streaming cuts have pushed both “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra out from #23 (Peaking at #8) and “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Offset and Travis Scott out from #21 (Peaking at #7) off the chart.

Returning Entries

The only returning entry this week is due to the tragic death of rapper Cadet at 25, whose passing has caused his song with Deno Driz, “Advice”, to return at #36. Rest in peace. Now, on a lighter note, here are our returning entries:

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Thotiana” – Blueface

Hell yeah, Blueface, baby. Okay, so you know Blueface, don’t even say you don’t – you’re a filthy liar if so, because he has been all over the Internet due to viral videos of him rapping, because he doesn’t tend to rap conventionally, and he often has funny one-liners. There are purposeful off-beat moments throughout his songs, especially “Deadlocs”, but it’s mostly just inspiration from people like E-40 who would rap in a different way when they came across a beat that fit their unorthodox flow. Anyways, despite his most on-beat song to date, “Bleed It”, being an obvious contender for breakout hit, it seems like “Thotiana” has got the most traction, and hence, here it is. It’s been in the top 40 in the US for a couple weeks, and has got remixes from Desiigner, YG and even Cardi B (Who, by the way, absolutely kills it with an outrageous and hilarious verse, which I unfortunately can’t repeat any lines from because Tumblr might flag me with an adult content restriction – yeah, they’re that nasty). Despite that, it seems to be that the original version is the one that landed in the top 40. It’s obviously his first hit, and, to be honest, I love it to death. It’s barely two minutes and only consists of gliding pianos and smooth keys under a West Coast beat (With some banging percussion), as well as a slightly shrill synth, yet it feels so full, probably because of Blueface and all his ad-libs, including the iconic “Yeah, aight”. The hook is insanely catchy and beyond the meme, Blueface’s flow is great, somewhat complex at points and borders on spoken word in his verse, with so many references of what he says being “on the gang” that you’d think he has a verbal tic. This probably isn’t his funniest or most memorable song but it is a damn great one. Oh, but there’s also this:

Ain’t no runnin’, Thotiana, you gon’ take these damn strokes

Uh, yeah, well, um... Yikes, okay, I’m just going to leave it there. Great song, check it out. Check out the Cardi B remix though, it’s even better.

#37 – “Breathe” – CamelPhat and Cristoph featuring Jem Cooke

Damn, CamelPhat, I love these guys. Every song they’ve released that hit the charts has been some of the best EDM I’ve heard come out of the UK electronic scene in years, and they know how to make a fun, catchy dance song feel cinematic and in the case of songs like “Cola” with Elderbrook, almost avant-garde.  A lot of UK dance by more obscure names has hit the charts last year, and impressed me as well, especially Loud Luxury, so I’m excited to see what CamelPhat have got up their sleeves this time for their third top 40 hit, and the first for Cristoph and Jem Cooke.

Yeah, so, this feels oddly 90s at the start, with those nice warm synths, then the indie-pop singer of the week comes in with her raspy voice covered in reverb, with pretty much no build-up before we get to a deep bassline and finger-snaps come in, almost like a sped-up Chicago house beat. The beat increases in intensity with a higher pitched bass as the chorus comes in but there’s not really a drop, just a continuation of the instrumental, because it still feels restrained and isolated, despite the theatricality of the whole ordeal, and that really fits the title because it’s an anxious song, and it takes a damn long while for that tension release to come in. Unlike “breathin” by Ariana Grande from last year, that was also about anxiety and self-help, this isn’t repetitive to a fault, rather while Jem Cooke yells at herself that she needs her to breathe again, the beat is almost like a train pushing down the tracks and the finale climax when her vocals echo, “Again, again, again, again”, is the train hitting her and killing her. Grande’s song was a pump-up anthem but this is just a pure burst of self-frustration hurled at the listener, and while it’s nowhere near as good as “Panic Room” in expressing panic, isolation and anxiety (Yeah, it is kind of a retread), this is still pretty great.

#34 – “Who Do You Love” – The Chainsmokers featuring 5 Seconds of Summer

Oh, these seven guys again. Look, I like enough of both of these artists’ songs to give them a pass, but a collaborative single between the two is just a mediocrity sandwich. It’s not going to be anything interesting or new or even worthwhile, it’s just going to be a two-dude EDM duo producing for one dude called Luke or something with four other dudes (Who supposedly play instruments on any of their singles – yeah, right). This is the Chainsmokers’ ninth top 40 single in the UK and 5 Seconds of Summer’s ninth as well, and it kind of sucks. What a surprise. We start off promising with distorted piano, a deep 808 bass and what sounds like a high-pitched, siren-like guitar, with Luke crooning, until... it has an acoustic breakdown in which Luke has too many vocal effects put onto him for it to work, and he sounds too fast, like a lot of these EDM guys make people sound like... until, that weak drop with an unfitting build-up. It just sounds like all five seconds saying “Blam-blam, hoopty-doopty, doo-doo” in unison over some cloudy synths and an ugly bass wobble. I know that’s the point, but this song is supposed to be taken seriously, and I don’t think any of the seven dudes involved noticed that at any point. Chainsmokers, guys, you’ll never top “Everybody Hates Me” (Note that their best song isn’t supposed to be taken seriously... or at least I hope not). Blech, I hope this goes away, this really is not worth any staying power.

#30 – “Just You and I” – Tom Walker

Both this and his other song, “Leave a Light On”, were featured in advertisements, boosting their place on the charts. This one has an album attached to it. That should tell you all you need to know about boring singer-songwriter, Tom Walker, trying to get on that “Genuine white guitarist man” money that Rag’n’Bone Man and Ed Sheeran currently store in the safe, although unlike those two, he’s more electronic and more plastic. He’s a rip-off? Yeah. Is he an industry plant? I mean, I don’t like that term, but it sure seems like it. If not, he’s just marketed perfectly. Anyway, this song is his second top 40 hit and some fake acoustic guitar and fake handclaps complement Tom Walker’s slightly nasal and... mildly urban-Irish (???) voice and the piano... and yeah, no, it doesn’t exist. I hear this song and nothing witty is produced, there’s nothing of interest in my brain, I feel like my ears have just had a long string of nothing twisted through them. The “Drop” is just a chorus, this time, although it still feels like a drop because Walker isn’t saying anything of interest. Oh, yeah, and the two parts of the chorus feel really jankily attached, it’s like two halves of a chorus put together. Next.

#16 – “Talk” – Khalid and Disclosure

Oh, hey, a great song by two amazing artists, that’s good to see. So, this is R&B singer Khalid’s tenth UK Top 40 hit and Disclosure’s sixth, and it’s funky, smooth and fun as hell. It starts with a synth that is ripped straight from the 80s, then some keys come in and a clap, until Khalid starts singing with that sultry voice, although it’s in a higher-pitched and more emotive falsetto this time, with a slightly off-kilter bass when partnered with the synths, almost reminding me of future bass. Khalid sounds absolutely fantastic over this beautiful instrumental, with all the extra touches like the drum pattern finishing off with a repeated snare, kick and bass hit at the end of the chorus as a climax, the extra synth melodies added throughout the chorus that give the song so much more “Oomph” and groove to it. The song is joyful, danceable and I don’t care about what the lyrics say at all, but since I clearly don’t have all that much to say about the song other than “This is gorgeous and amazing and brilliant”, I might as well say that the subject matter may be unfitting, because it’s about having a talk about where the relationship is going, which isn’t necessarily as smooth, cute and glamorous as the song could paint it out to be, but there definitely is that off-kilter and quirky vibe to it that does add that sense of panic, despite how mostly chilled it is. That works well, actually. Yeah, check this out because this is the best song either of these guys have put out. If this has longevity in the US, it’s a contender for the top of my best list, because I doubt anything better will come along. Perhaps “bury a friend” and “a lot” could end up there? Who knows? It’s shaping up to be a pretty good year, though, so we’ll see.

#8 – “needy” – Ariana Grande

Ariana Grande finally finds her sound after years and four albums of having the inability to be cohesive or unique, years and years of having a wasted voice due to cluttered, messy and generic instrumentals provided to her by producers who don’t know what they’re doing, and... her albums still suck. Well, her fifth album is a disappointment, yes, and it’s also incredibly mediocre. It lacks a lot of substance, is inconsistent (It either has too much polish or not enough), has a few irritating instrumentals like “bloodline”, as well as once again, it has Grande’s great voice being put to the side due to light-weight trap beats like “7 rings”, for which Grande is forced to lose all of her natural charisma in order to fit on. There, that’s what I think of the album. Now, “needy” is not one of the worst on the album, but it is bad, and you can tell that right off the jump with its over-simplistic, toy-box melody that starts it off, and gets irritating quick, with not enough drowning it out. I like the pre-chorus, it’s pretty cool, but the finger-snaps are fake and pointless, with the borderline doo-wop vocals in the background adding nothing but volume. Someone tell Ariana Grande that her “Yuh” ad-libs should never be used again, please. They worked in “God is a woman”, but that’s the only time they worked, and will ever work. The subject matter is decent here, but I don’t think the beat fits it – because it doesn’t have a beat, really, there’s barely any percussion, and then it has an abrupt, pointless orchestral outro. Yeah, you can tell this album was finished in two weeks. It has a lot of moments like that.

#1 – “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” – Ariana Grande

Fitting title. Okay, so what’s the need for build-up, am I right? When it works, over-whelming the listener with the beat immediately crashing in is great. That’s when it has build-up, it never works when it’s just the song starting with bass and percussion immediately, without much reason. No, it doesn’t make sense in the context of the album either, because the song before it fades out. Anyway, so over a weak, discount Playboi Carti type beat with the flute (???) mixed so low that it essentially doesn’t exist, Grande raps with a rather concerning accent considering the blackfishing controversy, biting freaking Quadeca’s flow (I know - Out of all people?), with again, those cringeworthy ad-libs placed in empty spaces. Then it cuts to 16-bit chiptune pianos that aren’t used throughout the song, just in this section, for the pre-chorus, it just feels kind of worthless to have this here, it’s like it’s part of another song they spliced in (A better song, may I add). Oh, and that chorus is sickeningly annoying. I don’t care about the lyricism here as much as I should (Because it is pretty douchey, at least on the surface), but she sounds nasal with that elongated syllable melody that makes me just coil. I don’t like the backing vocals or echoes, either, sorry for the nitpicking but they feel like quick edits just to fill in empty space, especially that male “Hey” (or “Care”, or “Yeah”, I can’t tell), it’s added abruptly and cuts the beat out for no reason. The bridge wouldn’t be bad without that incessant and constant percussion pounding through it. I shouldn’t be this negative, Grande’s performance is okay, I guess, but, damn, this is awful. It doesn’t develop or even end properly, it feels like a bonus track on the standard version – because, yes, somehow this is what they chose as a fitting climax to the record. What a waste of studio time, and what a bad #1. Listen, UK, I didn’t like “7 rings” either, but at least it wasn’t this.

Conclusion

Man, I feel bad for doing so but Ariana Grande gets Worst of the Week for “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, and screw it, Dishonourable Mention for “needy”. Nothing else is all that bad, so the Chainsmokers get away scot-free here, with Honourable Mention being tied and going to both Blueface for “Thotiana” and CamelPhat, Cristoph and Jem Cooke for “Breathe”. Best of the Week should be pretty obvious, but yeah, it’s going to Khalid and Disclosure for “Talk”. See you next week.