#but it's all I am going to get
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I feel like a fucking feral animal that needs to be pinned down by the throat and stabbed.. i mean fucked argh no what i wanted to say.. is i need to be fucking sta
#nsfwtext#loosing my marbles#thinking about fucking provoking them#acting out#scratching them#to make them violate me and fuck me to pieces because i need it so so much#but they just think it's cute#poking fun at me for being so desperate for them#being pinned by the throat i slowly start getting weaker and they praise me for being good and relaxing#fucking me oh so slowly and it's NOT ENOUGH#but it's all I am going to get#struggling#trying to fuck myself back into them#but it just makes them press harder#until I am all still#like a little doll#teary eyed from my endless need and how feeling them rut into me so gently doesn't give me any relief.. it just makes it worse#feeling like going crazy and breaking down while they push a finger into my mouth to suck on#slapping me and then going back to chockeing me.#feeling my arousal built more and more#wanting them so much it doesn't matter if it's pleasure or pain begging to be kicked or fucked harder or cut or punched or skull fucked#just anything to truely feel them#argh#i am about to start biting people i need this#thinking about the times someone made me hurt so bad during a scene i felt like I need to throw up#like me brain was all pain and somehow it still got worse with each hit#that pain is so bad i feel like blacking out#saying yellow and#how just one touch was enough to flip the switch and what was pain just a second before was now arousal uggh am so needy for pain rn#when you are so full of pain in a scene it's like your consciousness morphs and all there is is you and pain and your partner
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god I would be UNSTOPPABLE if I was capable of consistently initiating tasks. just you wait. you'll be waiting a while but just you wait
#executive dysfunction#shitpost#every day I get stuck in waiting mode for SO LONG and SO MANY TIMES#that one time I tried adhd meds it fixed it but then I. was like no I am going to be scared and not continue taking it <3#and also. I simply did not like the psychologist and did not want to have to go back#so. rawdogging the world <3#man if I could start a task right now...then you'd see...then you'd all see....
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My baby daughter got her adorable puffin-print dress absolutely CAKED in mud crawling around the yard and my first thought was "oh no her beautiful dress"
And my second thought was "oh huh it really WOULD be easy to unconsciously steer her away from playing in the dirt. Unlike my son, whose outfits are usually some kind of solid dark easily washed pants plus a shirt that doesn't trail in the dirt like a dress does."
Anyway something something gender roles start getting shoved on kids from literal birth, but with a little time to think about things, YOU TOO can let your children of any gender absolutely destroy their clothes in the dirt pit they're digging in your garden
#all clothes provided through hand me downs and grandparents#we asked for non strongly gendered or branded things and that mostly worked for firstborn boy#but baby girl has gotten nothing but the cutest little dresses#that I am absolutely not going to stress if she destroys because it's not like they'll last until next summer anyway#at which point she'll be big enough for her brother's dirt-compatible pants#now if we can get her to stop EATING the dirt that would be GRAND#her pronouns are om/nom#literal definition of a baby
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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If you've ever told a person who's had to be bedbound for a period of time that you wish you could "just stay in bed", DO IT.
Stay in bed. For days. But don't get up if someone needs you to, or you get bored, or you get antsy. Don't do anything other than rest. Just lie in your bed, whether you need to get stuff done around the house or socialize or anything else "productive". You'll have to cancel on people, you'll disappoint them, they won't understand.
And if you're thinking, "well, i CAN'T just be in bed. There's stuff that has to be done - I have plans", maybe ask yourself why you assumed a disabled person doesn't have plans or things to do or desires.
#Disability#Bedbound#Housebound#Actually disabled#Chronic illness#Long covid#Chronic fatigue#Inspired by my boss asking what I did over the weekend and I said I couldn't get out of bed and he said that sounds nice actually#I'm literally only able to work bc I am in bed at all times I'm not at work and it's still so hard and painful#I can't get my own groceries or cook my own meals or socialize or eat at restaurants or go to movies or take care of my own pets#If I didn't have a loving generous caring spouse I'd be dead by now
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yes i Am paying real money to make you all look at our new dog. we've had her for 3 hours and if anything happened to her I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself. her name is Tater Tot
#dogs#🥔#we think she's somewhere in the 2-5 range but everyone gave us a different answer#they said aussie/pomeranian but i (self-proclaimed world champion of dog identification) am 99.998% certain she is aussie and great pyr#the shape of her tail and the way she moves but also oh my god. SO much hair. this is 80% hair and 20% animal#also she is very calm & gentle but every time one of us leaves the room she'll get up to observe where we go#she isn't distressed at all she's just keeping tabs on us which as i understand it is Peak pyr behavior#anyway she is 100% goodest girl and i wuv her 😭#chi's adventures in pet ownership
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catalysts, protectors
#man those episodes#so many things put into perspective#like Simon’s role as a protector and his kindness and empathy and compassion and existence being the catalyst for the rest of ooo to#flourish#and Betty is a protector of Simon#I wonder if the last two episodes will explore more of her character? there’s so much to be explored about her giving so much of herself#to Simon but not thinking about what she wants for herself#do we get to explore her feelings or see her at all? will she have changed or learned to let go#I think there will be some sort of closure for the both of them#but at what cost#I am still crying over that scene with Simon’s memory of Betty and their song#my art#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#simon petrikov#betty grof#petrigrof#golbetty
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my blog is a gateway drug to cooler and better blogs (my mutuals)
#my blog is weed and all my mutuals are cocaine#it makes sense to me alright lmao#i get it#i have cool moots#like yes please go follow them#but also i am insane and notice when you dont rb things from me but rb them from the mutual i rbd the post from#lmao#i just dont understand the thinking#why even follow me if you dont want to interact with my blog or posts?#its not that serious#mine
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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buckle up lads we're going BACK INTO THE BOOK
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#lost in the book with nightmare before christmas#hajimari no halloween#(the origin of halloween huh) (oooh)#why yes i did wake up way too early to watch the stream and will have no memory of drawing this later#anyway THE MAGIC BOOK IS BACK TO EAT US ONCE AGAIN!!!!#this does make things make a lot more sense if it doesn't have to. y'know. actually take place in the established world#like how jack and sally are apparently just gonna be THERE as themselves WHY NOT#i'm certainly not complaining mind you#scully looks like he's gonna be super adorable and i love him already#spooky scary skeleman who just goes :O a lot and is excited for halloween#he seems like he might actually be more of a fusion of jack and sally? or maybe i'm just reading too much into it#still getting jazzy vibes off of him though. is not scully j graves an incredible jazz musician name.#does this open up the possibility that the last time we went into the book there was a sexy anime boy stitch just offscreen the whole time#...maybe some things are best left uncontemplated#god everyone in this event looks fantastic i'm so glad i saved up some keys after all#a little sad that there's no lilia but you know what the fact that a halloweentown malleus exists is still pretty dang good#and sebek's hat is SO tall#the biggest hat for the loudest boy#i hope oogie is here too i need him and jamil to meet#i need jamil to be faced with a guy who's just a bunch of bugs standing on each other's shoulders in a trenchcoat#i am not coherent right now i just needed to get this out before i go pass out again
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learning to love
#they make me so fucking unwell i feel so ill whenever i think about them#it's OVER for me i'm done#teen skk is going on my fucking suicide note thanks for everything asagiri#something something your bloodied hand in mind something something by you i am forever undone#something something to the world we may be villains but to each other we're two halves of the same soul#head in my fucking hands#sry for getting all emo i rewatched pmmm yesterday and i've been feeling existential about everything#i actually listened to the pmmm ost while drawing it saved me i love you yuki kajiura😍 (i died)#nothing like a haunting latin chorus echoing through my empty head while i draw tragic yaoi 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#big shoutout to sis puella magica i had that one on loop for like two hours‼️#anyway enough about the doomed yuri anime back to skk#forget everything i said i actually hope they explode i'm sick of their asses#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#soukoku#skk#posting at ungodly hours again this is gonna catch up to me 💔#lotus draws
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spiraling
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11#i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having#cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right#until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible#but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god#it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised#which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED#when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333#filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think#im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood#but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes#had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately#anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268#bc that panel is S tier#i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like#u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane#art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok#so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row#:)
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Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#remy bonnaire#Arno#through a series of unfortunate events I will be posting this after the update will be out so my timing will be more so:#“Alternate take on how that scene played out” Rather than my funnier “My prediction for how it will go down”#I truly think Remy would rather admit to crimes he didn't commit than confess he has a thing for men.#It would be funny! It would be so funny if this is how Jamis found out. Alas...Not yet...Not yet...#I do love the idea that Jamis completely overlooked the all the elder god horror to get right down to the question of 'HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM'#Remy knows him. Knows him carnally. Wouldn't you like to also know your captain better? In spirit and body and mind?#Jealousy looks good on Jamis. Now he just has to do something about it.#Poor Remy though...He love Jamis so much he'd do anything to prevent losing him.#Which entails never giving Jamis a chance of rejecting or accepting his feelings!#Meanwhile...Jamis is a bisexual disaster man who is at his *limit*.#(For the MDZS fans looking at this Tigers comic who still have no context:#This is like Lan Xichen finding out Jin Guangyao hooked up with Nie Mingjue after LXC spent all that time thinking JGY was straight.#Better yet. This is like WWX just starting to realize his crush on LWJ and then finding out he and JC hooked up in the time skip.#'Nice to know you're into men but why did I have to find out like this' moment.)#((Yes I am trying to bridge the gap between the fandoms I am in. Yes I am still on my propaganda train. Choo Choo!!!))
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Reading (listening to, as Homer intended) the Iliad making me go oh. Ohhh. I should have done this before I read Gideon the Ninth. I get it now.
Particularly thinking now about the tidbit that in early drafts, our beloved gray-eyed Necromancer Warden of the Sixth House was named Diomedes Sextus. For Diomedes, king of Argos, young, brave, noble, heroic. Favorite fighter of Athena, bestest friend of Odysseus. And, notably, fought gods and—well he didn’t win exactly. But he got them good.
And specifically, he fought and wounded Aphrodite; Aphrodite, who is also called Cytherea.
And then of course Tamsyn Muir said she decided to change his name so she could make the Sex Pal joke.
Palamedes is a less heroic, less fondly remembered character in the Trojan War, but according to Plato, he unrelatedly invented both number and the alphabet, so you keep that connection to scholarship even if that’s not the first association with him. More interestingly, imo, there’s also an Arthurian Knight of the Round Table named Palamedes, best known for his unrequited love for Isolde (and his apparent ultimately gracious acceptance of her choosing Tristan).
I think this is actually a super interesting shift in thematic naming focus: from favored-of-Athena, fought-gods-and-wounded-them to unrequited heterosexual love, but didn’t act like a dick about it.
Also y’know. Sex Pal
#I also wonder when this happened because there’s the shared ‘am’ sound in Camilla and Palamedes that Muir pointed out#That she was going for with her necromancer-cavalier pairs#Abigail and Magnus have an ag/ga element; Cainabeth Abella and Naberius all have ‘ab’ before they became Coronabeth and Ianthe#Which is super interesting itself. Coronabeth an Naberius retained that connection while Ianthe did not#Muir talks about how she was going for that naming theme then ultimately decoded to kinda drop it#But Palamades and Camilla get to share that syllable sound. Because they are on the same wavelength and they love each other#The Locked Tomb#Gideon the Ninth
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happy halloween! 🎃🐈⬛👻🐇
#i just wanted to draw emu as a jiangshi .#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#enjoy halloween everynyan unfortunately i have to go work a shift. i thought abt dressing up for fun when i get back#but 1 im lazy 2 i dont live alone and its my luck that somebody ends up knocking when im in the middle of being dressed like a clown#so i would rather not risk it. idk how people get into cosplay just for photoshoots/videos i dont have that conviction .#but halloween con was lots of fun and i got to see friends and trade candy so i enjoyed my celebration already. ^_^#also STOP BEATING THE SHITNOUT OF ME IDEK IF I CAN BOOO BACK FROM A SIDE BLOG. YOURE KILLUNG ME#once again some random guy will be hittimg you back. boo#to end my tags i am going to be pissed off because i cannot draw well rn and its KILLING MEEEEEE#im art blocked as hell and mad about it. my zines....#its so annoying like with my personal art its whatever but people spend Money on zines i need to get good.#its been like over a week so i thought inwould be free. sigh#i often draw emu fiending off of tsukasa. the way things should be. amen#also inthink rui would love to go all out for costumes but he got busy modding a tshirt launcher to shoot candy and forgot abt his costume#so hes a tuxedo cat. he thinks hes so funny
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ANTAGONIST FIDDLEFORD❗️⁉️❗️❗️💥💥💥 FUCK SHIT UP BABYGIRL, I BELIEVE WOMEN'S RIGHTS AND WRONGS <33
30 years ago, during Ford and Bill's fallout; instead of threatening to steal Ford's eyeballs, Bill just goes ahead and steals Fiddleford's! Which then further leads to Fiddleford parting ways with Ford as his research assistant.
In my perfect world, where my AU is a 40-episode fully animated show; this episode would reveal the seemingly unsuspecting Old Man Mcgucket as the leader of a powerful secret cult of memory erasure. Mcgucket, believing Ford to still be under the influence of "the demon that stares," kidnaps him and attempts to "exorcise"/erase the so-called demon out of Ford's brain.
However, with the metal plate bolted into Ford's skull not only keeping out demons such as Bill, but also keeping them in; Bill is forced to instead take over Ford's body with nowhere else to go. Together with the twins who've come to rescue their Grunkle Ford, they frantically run from a hoard of cultists and their terrifying leader.
The twins discover that their Grunkle Ford's past goes much deeper than they had originally anticipated, and that their Uncle Bill isn't who they think he is....
#my art#gravity falls#gravity falls au#HWINEBHABWNAJCAHOWEEATOWEUB AU#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddleford mcgucket#ford pines#stanford pines#grunkle ford#dipper pines#mabel pines#gravity falls fanart#gee Stanford- how come you get to have TWO murderous bitter exes??#Fiddleford going through his villain arc and I am ALL for it <3#i love making unsettling men#you KNOW Ford and Bill have such a big argument later about the possession#I completely improvised the perspective in that first frame and the entire comic so my apologies if it looks like wack#POV you are the twins and you discover that your Uncle was lowkey a piece of shit back in the days- what do you do#the Bill redemption arc is still there somewhere in the plot but it's one that sucks for everyone involved and is SLOW#YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK FOR THAT TRUST MISTER
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