#but it's a bit simplistic... though i guess what can you expect for a popular history book

[bennetsbonnet]

Currently reading The Shortest History of England by James Hawes and it seems that even when reading non-fiction, I cannot escape Pride and Prejudice:

Thought this was an interesting contextual point. I was aware of the Norman names being a deliberate choice on Austen's part to demonstrate the prestige of the Darcys and de Bourghs (Bennet is one too!)... but I've never seen Pride and Prejudice linked to the British government printing more money to fight Napoleon :')

[mxvladdy]

I would like to request! Can I request? Well I wish for you to consider what type of person/what kind of situation would cause the brothers to make a pact with someone. Maybe even what they would request in exchange? This can be before or after they met MC. With that out of the way, I totally binge read all of your works after my sister gushed to me about the True Form series, and just thank you??? It made me really happy reading them and it's always impressively detailed and well thought out.

Awww thank you! I’m glad it’s rave-worthy! I plan to add to it soon bc it was an absolute riot to write and research for lol

And wow this one is a toughie! I’ve actually never thought of what would make them want a pact! Hope ya like it!

Lucifer- Pact of Success

Absolutely the hardest brother to do business with, but that is probably a good thing. He is incredibly selfish with his contracts. Sure, they’ll benefit from his pact mark, but he will get the most out of it. Aside from MC he only takes requests for contracts from the human “elite”. They make wonderful feathers in his cap.

But also he takes some enjoyment in breaking them. They always get so cocky with his contracts thinking that they have him on the ropes and at their beck and call. It gives him a good chuckle, humans are so brazen considering their very short lifespan.

He destroys them slowly over time- all the little minutia he peppers in his legal bindings adds up. Not that his normal clientele ever read the fine print. But he designed it that way to make sure they don’t. All their requests are the same and so simplistic. Big boats, fancy cars, climbing the proverbial ladder faster than their friends or enemies - blah-blah-blah. At least the paperwork is easy to complete.

Very rarely does he find a contract he is excited to make. Those contracts are given to artists and craftsmen he sees potential in. He loves good art, and every artist should take pride in their work.

When it comes to the “price” of his pact it is worryingly simple. All he wants is some of their time. It sounds simple, and it is. Which is why it’s dangerous. The contract doesn’t specifically say how or the rules of it. How he takes your time is completely up to him.

Sometimes he simply comes for a drink and to ask how business is going. Or with the pacts he gives a damn about- he pops in to see progress on their artist visions or listen to their latest musings.    

Other times if he grows tired of his pact holders’ ever-growing demands or ludicrous requests he comes and takes time right out of their lifespan. His visits leave them weak and fatigued though they can’t place why. He is a slow siphon of death and they are too foolhardy to notice. If he is feeling especially cruel, or sentimental he takes memories, things that a demon generally wouldn’t want.

Time with family, the first time they met the love of their life, a child’s birthday. He takes them all and leaves them with only a blurry recollection in his wake

When MC crosses his path though he is very apprehensive. He doesn’t want a pact or anything that could jeopardize Diavolo’s upcoming plans. But they make his skin itch with want. He doesn’t want them to be another trophy on his wall. He wants a mutually beneficial pact, one that almost leans in their favor and it grates him. Should/ when a pact is made he won’t use his powers on you as then he would have to take something in return. Instead, he takes his time and coaches them to be successful by their own right, though if he has to eliminate some obstacles- well they don’t need to know that.

Mammon- Pact of Riches

I love his man with all my heart, but even when he isn’t losing bets or getting tricked into pacts he still isn’t the most selective with who he conducts business with. He is the avatar of greed, after all. I guess it comes with the territory.

He scouts for already wealthy humans or people with a good head for numbers and is money smart. Some are too smart to deal with him, knowing that whatever monetary gain they are granted from him will backfire in the end (or their mama’s taught them not to make deals with strange demons). But a sucker is born every minute, and he has nothing but time on his hands.

His pacts are pretty simple and upfront. Sign on the dotted line and they get some of his wicked gamblers’ luck and more riches than one human life span could do much with. While he gets a glorified accountant and a nice percentage of their profits. It’s a win-win… for him.

See he forgets to mention that there are two sides to every coin, and his flip side is particularly detrimental to one’s health. He just so conveniently glosses over that his luck will wear out over time depending on how frequently the pact holder uses it.

But the hunger for more doesn’t. If anything that particular sensation grows into an all-consuming fire in the pit of their pitiful guts. It forces them back into the seedy basements or griming gambling halls. One more roll, one more stack of bills, just one more time and they will hit pay dirt surly! But the losses just keep coming. If one of his pact holders ends up face down in a ditch after one too many bad hands and uncontrollable greed… well ain’t nobody’s fault but their own.

He has a softer spot for humans that seek him out and treat him like a living being instead of some tool to be tossed around at will. It’s refreshing. He will actually take some care with these pacts and tell them to temper their use of his magic so they can get the most out of it in the long run. They still might run into misfortune and he is genuinely sorry for that but there is only so much he can do in the end.

With MC he doesn’t even tell them about what his pact can do or how to use it. He doesn’t want anything bad happening to his human. If they want something tell him he will do it himself no magic or pact summoning required. He wants to keep them happy and healthy for as long as his lifespan will allow.

If MC should find how to use his pact mark he will get pissed. Not so much at them but the situation in general. He’ll be upfront about the whole thing, judge him how they want but he refuses to let greed consume them too. He focuses a lot of time and energy on learning how to reel in his magic with them so they get some of the perks but none of the major downsides. Unlike with his other pacts where he lets it all just run wild (just means they use up their contact faster and he can move on to even bigger fish).

Leviathan- Pact of Wisdom and Skill

Surprisingly, despite his antisocial tendencies with “normies”, he gets around when it comes to contracts. Perhaps it’s jealousy at his other brothers or perhaps he finds collecting contracts a bit of a game on its own.

He has a small niche of people interested in his pacts. Pacts with him give people a strategic advantage in nearly any situation. Seemingly overnight his humans turn into near tactical geniuses. Because of that, he is very popular with military leaders and humans with dangerous careers.

He also makes mini contracts with foot soldiers and humans with dangerous oceanic jobs. They just want to make it out alive and he gets that. With contracts like these, he is more lenient and doesn’t ask for much. Make an offering of fancy food to Henry 2.0 or wait in line for a rare human figuring he wants. Wam-bam thank you ma’am kinda business.

This is completely different from his larger contracts. With the military contracts, he expects them to continue with their duties until they die in the field. Simple as that, he doesn’t mince words in his contract. It’s what he would do as General so he expects it from them. Should they try to define him he will get rid of them.

He takes delight in defiant contract holders. They think they are as clever as he is now. But they forget that they are using his magic. He could take his magic away right after they defy him sure...but he won’t. He lets them stew for a bit, thinking they have had the last laugh on envy. If they wish to play games with a General then he will make sure it’s good.

With MC he plays on easy mode, granting them insight and little touches of his magic during exam week or when playing a game against his brothers. He wants nothing in return from them but some quality hangout time.

Satan- The Pact of Retribution

As the only pure-blooded demon out of the seven, he does these pacts out of necessity like most other demons. While the others do it more so out of monetary gain and an obligation to the crown. Or if you’re Belphie, sheer enjoyment.

He does it because he hungers, it a hole in his very self that he is trying to fill. He hunts for one reason only- relief from his cardinal sin. He will never feel the calm after a storm of rage naturally. Patience and tranquility are the antitheses of his very creation. So he gets it artificially through his contracts.

He looks for the downtrodden, angry, and the most bitterly despondent humans he can find and gives them the chance to seek vengeance. He is very upfront with what his pact entails. Once the vengeance is complete his rage will consume them and they will become another soul for him to consume.

He isn’t cruel about the process or tries to trick a human into a mark. Very few of the ones he approaches turn him down even after hearing the details. It is possible that humans once shot to get even and he gets to feel bliss, to feel calm. He finds out that the longer or more obscure the plan for retribution is the sweeter the outcome is for Satan.

If he is feeling super ornery he will go after people affected by the outcomes of Lucifer’s pacts. They are easy prey and almost as wrathful as Satan himself. Bonus it aggravates Lucifer to no end when he has to go out of his way to clean up the mess Satan’s contract made of his own.  Anything to piss him off makes Satan feel all the better.

With MC he doesn’t need to use his pact magic. Mostly because they are always around him in the Devildom, and no one is stupid enough to mess with someone Satan favors. If someone or something does irritate his MC he will take it out before it can fester into something his magic will try to latch onto. Keeping you calm and happy makes him feel almost tranquil as well.

Asmodeus- Pact of Gratification

Another very popular pact to try to get, and how could it not? He is fabulous~ But as much as people try to find him, he only goes for a certain type of contract. He has his perfectly manicured fingers on the pulse of the fashion and beauty industry.

His name is a whisper among the up and comers in the business. Many-while not looking for a pact - at least want to see him at least once. Many never will, they get cut from their agency or quit before they could get a foothold. It happens, and he hates to see it. Everyone deserves to feel gorgeous, or at least get a chance to be in the same room as him!

But for the ones the perceiver and climb the ranks get invited to one of his many parties. They can only get invited by someone wearing his mark. He trusts them to know who would be amenable to his contract.

His pact grants its bearer a glamor that can’t be broken by any meer mortal or mage. It makes them absolutely irresistible. How they wield that power is completely up to the user, he won’t judge or intervene.

Once they sign the contract all his holders see him frequently. He absolutely loves dropping in on their shoots or fancy dinners to say hi or get a recap on how they are fairing. Not because he is a nice demon or just super friendly (though they would like to think so). No, he just likes to watch.  

His payment is slow, methodical and no one sees it happen until it is already complete. In exchange for beauty and the graduation of getting whatever their little hearts could as for he gets their ability to love, whether that be familiar or sexual. Asmo loves the feeling of being loved; he wants it in all ways possible.

Some pact holders don’t have an issue with this. They got their looks, a successful career, and people to manipulate to their heart’s content. Not having strong contentions with anyone works in their favor. But others don’t and while they search for him to try and get that little slice of humanity back he is long gone. He got what he wanted anyway.

MC is his darling. He can and will make a special contract just for them (reviewed by Lucifer). A beautiful new contract for a beautiful soul! He wants you as unchanged as possible because this MC is the one he fell for.

Beelzebub- Pact of Prowess

His pact is a very elusive one as he isn’t keen on going and looking for one. Beel isn’t a big fan of these trades, but he needs them every once and a while. Nothing is more filling than a contracted soul.

His trade is basic, make a pact and you get his strength. He, like Satan, is upfront about what his payment is and what side effects will plague them. He sees no reason to lie about it. The more they draw on his power the more the host's body gorges itself. Their bones will collapse in on themselves from the stress of it- the magic feeds on anything in the host bodies. It will deplete the iron in the blood, go after the calcium in the bones, sink its teeth in their muscle system.  

It’s all rather gruesome and Beel does feel bad about it. He tells though who are still adamant about binding with him ways they can negate some of the side effects by taking supplements and augmenting their diets.

But it is like patching a deep cut with a bandaid, it just won’t work. His stomach is near bottomless- humans most certainly aren’t. They simply can’t eat enough to sustain their body like he can.

It surprises him that people still seek him out. To some, the pros outweigh that very huge cons. Some really do believe that they can find a loophole or find the right mix of medication to offset it.

He doesn’t get beaten up about it anymore but it gets on his nerves how obstinate humans can be about his very clear warnings. When his magic finally consumes them he takes both the body and soul back down with him and feasts on both.

With MC he keeps an eye out on them. Consistently checking in, making sure they don’t skip a meal, and join him at the gym often. He wants them to be strong and healthy enough to not ever want to use his pact. Though he does speculate that their angelic bloodline buffers both his and his brother’s magic a good bit.

Belphegor- Pact of the Visionary

Dreamers come in every shape and size and from different walks of life. But they are are all suckers to Belphie. He is known as the Lord of Decet for a reason.

He will promise them everything and anything their heart desires. That invention that will change the world? Done. A patent that is long overdue. Easy enough. A sudden rush of ingenuity to complete that nagging project. He is a devil of his word, it will be done. It- just won’t be done in the way they would want it.  

See manipulating the physical realm is hard work. Like a lot of hard work. More than he would ever do for some stupid little human. It’s a lot easier to control outcomes in his realm.

The moment the contract is signed his hosts fall under his control and he takes it from there building a perfect little dream world for them to frolic in and believe they are getting what they want. He feeds off of them here, taking little sips from their energy and exploring these new fresh dream worlds. His dreamscapes get boring every once and a while, so having a new human under his influence is always refreshing.

While his humans thrive inside their minds their bodies waste away in bed as his magic draws them further and further into an endless sleep.

He doesn’t see anything wrong with his contracts. Who would argue with him that the dream realms aren’t real in their own sense? Did his humans not accomplish their goals in the end? He doesn’t think of the outside effects of his magic and pacts. Belphie really doesn’t care about what families he broke apart or lives he inadvertently affected.  

MC is different to him though. He doesn’t keep them under his spell hardly ever (maybe if they are spending too much time with Dia or Lucifer. But he doesn’t push it with them.).He still walks into their dreams whenever he feels but he comes just to visit, not to change. He simply just enjoys keeping you company and relaxing in the little mini paradise you always seem to create in your dreams.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

The Aftermath

Part two of the Subverted Expectations AU (aka the shy!remy + confident!logan au) (ty @notveryglittery for being able to think of names when I can’t) Part one here

Summary: Never trust a disaster queer to make good choices- aka, Remy runs from the cutie Content: Lots of swearing, reference to a bad relationship, Remy being a disaster queer for a lot of reasons, nb!Remy, agender!Logan, and polygender!Virgil Pairings: Sibling sleepxiety, future romantic losleep (these pairings apply for the whole au) Notes: This one-shot may not be super exciting a read, since I’m focusing more on plot/world building in this one, but I have a lot of one-shots lined up to follow, so... yeah. that’s a thing.

~~

    Remy wasn’t sure how many more words were spoken between vim and Logan before vy ran, but vy was pretty sure it wasn’t many. As soon as Logan had flashed that fucking smirk and called vim pretty, vy was well aware that if vy didn’t take preventive measures, vy was going to die right there, on some random lawn with party music blaring in the background.

    So, as soon as vy trusted vimself to stand, Remy got up and sprinted away as fast as vir legs would take vim. Vy was pretty sure vy heard Logan call after vim, but vy didn’t care. Vy knew what ne wanted: vir death. Vy refused to let nym take vir life. Remy planned to lose that thing via a caffeine overdose.

    Vy spotted vir house soon enough, Remy more than glad for the fact that the party vy had been pulled to was only a few blocks away from vir house. Normally, vy’d have to convince Roman to drive vim home, and given how utterly hopeless of a romantic Roman was, Remy knew that wouldn’t have worked out in vir favor.

    Key already in hand, Remy had the door open only a few seconds after vy came to it, quickly slamming it shut and throwing the deadbolt once vy was properly inside. Finished, vy turned and pressed vir back against the door, sliding down it and letting out a relieved breath.

    “Alright, motherfucker, I’ve got a bat and I’m not afraid to- Remy?”

    Remy looked up at Virgil, raising an eyebrow at them. She was welding a wooden baseball bat, which he was now lowering upon realizing it was only Remy.

    “I don’t think you’re supposed to announce your approach.” Remy snarked.

    “I figured it was just some drunk kid about to make a mistake.” Virgil responded, letting the top of the bat rest against the carpet as they leaned her weight on it. “Looks like I wasn’t too far off.”

    “Hey! I’m not drunk!” Remy exclaimed, offended as vy glared at Virgil (though the action was pointless given Remy’s sunglasses hid vir annoyed gaze). “I’m stupid, not an idiot.”

    “And yet you’re slamming doors at eleven o’clock at night!” Virgil yelled back, more exasperated than angry. “Why the hell are you doing that?”

    Remy crossed vir arms and slumped further against the door. “I was running away from someone.”

    Virgil’s eyes widened. “Were they trying to hurt you?” He asked, beginning to lift the bat back up.

    “Worse- they were trying to KILL me!”

    Virgil lowered the bat. “Oh. You saw someone cute.”

    “No!” Remy protested, although as soon as vy spoke vy knew vir tone was too adamant for Virgil to believe vim. “I wouldn’t- I don’t run away from cuties, Virge, I run towards them.”

    “Bullshit.” Virgil replied. “I know how much of a disaster queer you are. Though normally you just hide off in some corner or another, not run all the way home.”

    “Yeah, well, if home’s close-”

    “No, that’s not it.” Virgil cut vim off, looking thoughtful. Before they could hazard a guess as to the real answer, however, there was a set of three clean, precise knocks on the front door. Remy froze.

    “Ne followed me home.” Remy said, going pale. “Fuck.”

    Virgil raised an amused eyebrow. “What did you expect to happen? You were probably in the middle of talking to whoever this is and ne got worried when you suddenly sprinted off.”

    “I expected nym to let me flee in embarrassment and be done with it!” Remy exclaimed, ignoring when another set of knocks echoed out. “It would’ve been the polite thing to do, anyways.”

    Virgil’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Well ne’s here now…”

    Remy’s mouth dropped open. “You wouldn’t dare.”

    Virgil’s grin only grew as she called out, loud enough for the person outside the door to hear, “Just a moment!”

    “I hate you.” Remy hissed as vy got up and pushed past Virgil, moving to hide in the living room. Vy could’ve tried to remain in front of the door, blocking Virgil, but vy knew the chance that Virgil would just shove vim out of the way and open the door while Remy was still in sight was too high. Virgil just chuckled and pulled open the front door.

    Though Remy didn’t dare risk peeking around the corner of the room to watch the exchange, vy knew that it was Logan Virgil opened the door to before their conversation had even begun.

    “Good evening, Mx…?”

    “Just call me Virgil. Pronouns on the necklace.” Virgil answered, and Remy didn’t need to see him to know they were tapping her pronoun necklace, currently bearing his he-she-they charms. “And you are?”

    “Logan Raven, ne-nym-nir pronouns, non-gendered terms.” Logan introduced nymself politely, which Remy considered very rude and misleading given that Logan was only here to further murder Remy.

    “Well then, Mx. Raven, how can I help you?”

    “I’m looking for someone- I believe vy ran into this house?” Logan said, prompting Remy to shrink further into the living room in a weak attempt to hide vimself even more. “Vy’s a high school senior, goes by Remy?”

    Holy shit the fuck why the hell does ne know my name-

    “You know vir name?” Virgil asked, also sounding surprised- though not nearly as surprised as Remy felt while vy was having a small crisis of identity over why one of the most popular kids would know vir name.

    “Of course. I make it my business to know the name of the prettiest student in school.”

    Remy was going to die. This was illegal, vy was pretty sure, to compliment-kill someone while they weren’t even around. Not to mention the fact that it was a lie- had Logan seen nymself?  Ne already knew the name of the prettiest student in school because ne had been born with it.

    “We’re also in two of the same classes.”

    Now, Remy frowned. Two of the same classes? Vy was fairly sure vy’d remember if Mx. Logan Raven was in vir classes-

    Oh fuck.

    Oh fuck.

    “I like that reason better. Less creepy.” Virgil said, their and Logan’s conversation continuing despite the realizations and breakdowns Remy was having. “And Remy might live here. Can I ask what you want with vim?”

    “Just to make sure vy was safe. Suddenly running away from someone is a bit worrying for the other person, after all.” Logan said, and Remy really hoped vy was imagining the hint of genuine worry in nir tone. “Oh, and to give vim this.”

    Remy heard a slight rustle that must have been Logan pulling something out of nir pocket before silence as ne (presumably) handed whatever it was over to Virgil.

    “Is this… a business card?” Virgil asked, sounding confused.

    “I normally hand them out to bigots who claim it’s too hard to use my pronouns.” Logan explained. “But I wrote my cell phone number on the back of this one- so Remy can call me, whenever vy wants.”

    “I see.” Virgil said. “Would you like to give this to vim personally?”

    “No thank you.” Logan responded, and Remy had never been happier to hear those words. “I know how to respect a boundary when I see one. Besides, I will be seeing vim at school tomorrow either way.”

    Virgil chuckled in a way that Remy knew meant she was laughing at vir expense. “That you will.”

    “It has been a pleasure speaking to you, Virgil. I hope you have a lovely rest of your night.” Logan said respectfully, pausing for a moment before adding, “And you as well, Remy.”

    Though Remy was well aware Logan couldn’t actually see vim- ne had likely just guessed that Remy would be listening into the conversation- vy still froze in place, as if by holding still vy could make vimself disappear. Vy remained stock-still until the sound of receding footsteps was replaced by the door closing and Virgil approaching vim.

    “So,” Virgil said as he came to stand in front of Remy, offering vim a small rectangle that Remy assumed was Logan’s ‘business card’, “that’s the kid who’s trying to kill you? Because ne doesn’t really seem like a killer.”

    Remy snatched the card away from Virgil vy replied, “Then your first impression of nym wasn’t a very good one.”

    Virgil laughed while Remy studied the card. The front of it was simplistic, the cardstock tinted a dark blue while black letters spelled out ‘Logan R.’, nir pronouns written beneath nir name. Flipping it over, Remy found the promised number- written out in a neat, blocky font, with a heart added to the end of it. The heart was small, and drawn with sharper edges than a heart ought to have, but it was still a heart, and it still brought a blush to Remy’s cheeks.

    “I’m going to burn this.” Vy vowed.

    “Why?” Virgil asked, tone a mix of amusement and bewilderment. “Ne’s a pretty kid and you both clearly have an interest in each other. This can’t be the worst thing to happen to you.”

    “It’s not just that.” Remy said, moving past Virgil so that vy could start pacing the room, still fiddling with the business card in hand. “Logan’s one of the most popular kids in the entire school, Virge- I didn’t even know ne knew I existed!”

    “You guys are in classes together.” Virgil pointed out as they moved to sit on the couch, watching Remy pace.

    “I sit in the back! I try to pretend the room’s empty! I don’t notice who else is there!” Remy exclaimed. “And even then, why does Logan care? Why would ne notice me?!”

    “Because you’re pretty?” Virgil answered mockingly, only getting a half-hearted glare from Remy in return before vy returned to vir frantic pacing. Virgil sighed. “Okay, come on. Something about this has you really bothered, and it’s nothing you’ve said so far. What’s so wrong about having a cool cutie like you?”

    Remy glanced at Virgil, briefly stopping vir pace, before starting again, not answering. The silence stretched for a moment before Remy said, abruptly, “Ne’s my soulmate.”

    “...So the cool cutie is also your soulmate, thereby allowing you to love nym without even having to worry about society trying to beat you upside the head because of it.” Virgil said, looking at Remy like vy was acting funny. “I still don’t see the problem.”

    “Well, problem A, I’m a queer disaster who can’t look at nym without blushing, so honestly, rude of the universe to pair us together.” Remy said, letting out a dry laugh at vir own words. When vy glanced at Virgil, however, she only raised an eyebrow, waiting for the part Remy wasn’t saying. Remy sighed, finally stopping in vir pacing to fall onto an armchair. “Problem B, our family’s view of soulmates isn’t exactly the norm. Most people think that if you’re soulmates, you have to be meant for each other. Logan barely knows me and yet ne’s calling me pretty and giving me nir number and I just-”

    “You don’t want nym chasing after nir soulmate and not you?” Virgil finished, and Remy nodded, looking down at the card vy kept folding and unfolding.

    “I don’t want to end up like mom and dad.” Remy admitted quietly.

    “Mom and dad are fucked up.” Virgil replied, getting a laugh from Remy. “You’d have to mess up pretty badly to end up like them. And I don’t think Logan’s as bad as you’re making nym out to be.”

    “Ne’s a murderer, Virge, and I’m nir new victim.” Remy said, waving Logan’s card at Virgil. “Ne’s popular, and confident, and fucking gorgeous as hell, and way too smart to be in my classes, and ne’s focusing all of nir charm on me, just like a murderer-”

    “Sounds like someone’s been obsessing.” Virgil interrupted, smirking when Remy flushed. “I’m just saying.”

    “This is why I hate you.” Remy said, though there was no heat in vir words, only in vir cheeks. Virgil laughed as Remy got up, heading towards vir room. “I’m going to go to bed and pretend neither you nor Logan exist.”

    “You know you have to face nym tomorrow, right?”

    “Considering I’m currently in denial, no.” Remy answered as vy headed down the hall, ignoring the rest of Virgil’s laughter as vy entered vir room and shut the door behind vim. Vy leaned against the door for a moment, letting out a sigh as vy once more examined Logan’s card and nir number and that damned little heart.

    Vy glanced at the trashcan sitting next to vir dresser. Vy really should just throw it away. The only thing the card was doing was making vim feel flustered for no good reason. Pushing vimself off the door, Remy headed over to vir trash can, holding the card over it…

    ...before tossing it onto vir dresser instead. After all, it was always important to have a reference to someone’s pronouns on hand. That was why vy was keeping it. Definitely. No other reason.

    Remy sighed, pushing vir hands up under vir sunglasses and pressing the palms against vir eyes. Instead of the thoughtless darkness vy had been hoping for, however, blocking out all the light simply sharpened the image of a cocky, smirking Logan in vir mind, which was the opposite of what vy was going for. Remy groaned as vy removed vir hands from vir eyes, going back to turn off the lights before half-stumbling to vir bed.

    Vy dropped vir sunglasses unceremoniously on top of vir night table before vy fell on top of vir bed, unconcerned by the fact that vy was sleeping in vir clothes. Remy had more important things to be concerned with, after all- like how vy was going to survive almost an entire school year avoiding Logan. All vy had to do was become invisible. Or drop-out of school. Or punch Logan and make nym hate vim.

    Remy’d figure out something. It couldn’t be that hard to avoid the coolest kid in school who was in some of your classes and knew where you lived, right?

    Drowning in denial, Remy fell asleep.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2019 Anime Overview: Carole and Tuesday (final episodes)

I ended up having a lot more to say about Carole and Tuesday’s second season than I thought I did! It delved into some pretty varied and complex issues, after all. I did an EXTREMELY brief review/reaction( to the first half/season of the show you can see here. This review continues from that but is much more involved.

Carole and Tuesday (second half/ episodes 13-24)

Carole and Tuesday’s second half really expands its scope and goes all-out into the zone of social commentary in a way that I didn’t expect. Dang. I’m definitely impressed. There were hints of this in the first part, with Carole being a refugee from Earth who had very limited means and opportunities, while Tuesday came from a privileged background but ran away to escape a mother who cared more about her political career and public approval than her children’s well-being.

The second half delves into this much more, and condemns the policies of deportation and general public attitudes towards refugees and undocumented immigrants. Since the part of Mars our protagonists live inhabit pretty clearly meant to be analogous to New York, the plotline definitely meant to be a criticism of what’s going on in American politics right now. Of course Japan also notoriously has a lot of problems accepting immigrants and I think Watanabe and the rest of the staff probably wanted to say something about that too. 

Tuesday’s mom is able to climb the political ranks by calling for deportation of refugees on Mars- and in a chillingly accurate bit of commentary, she does this  solely to gain popularity with the public, and an even richer white man who has a corporate monopoly easily flouts laws and ethics to push her campaign. Black people are shown to be the first ones targeted for deportation and the black men who speak out are “made an example of”. The show doesn’t go so far to have anyone be killed (which is for the best, it’s unnecessary to go that far to make the point), police brutality is depicted and condemned, one man is targeted and beaten a bit despite not physically resisting, and a pair of men simply walking on the street are manhandled and arrested for “obstructing officers” despite doing absolutely nothing illegal. These marginalized folks continue to bravely fight back, even releasing protest raps from jail. And it’s pointed out to Tuesday that her mom is targeting people who are like her best friend and maybe she should step up and do something about it.

All of that is really good, and the show is firmly on the side of the minorities fighting back, and is all about how art should be used to challenge and reject oppression. It encourages diversity, unity, and takes a stand against persecution of immigrants, forced deportation and censorship. And how the show does this witha multi-cultural cast and a lot of developed characters from different backgrounds is great- there’s a love for all different kinds of music and acknowledgement that music owes everything to people of color. I especially appreciated the show going out of it’s way to depict how rap is often a tool for resistance.

That said, while the show’s message is positive and I appreciate its optimism and good intentions, the ending felt a little too neat and overly simplistic.It might be reductive to say the show goes so far to say racism can be solved if you sing a song, it’s more like “yeah use music to resist!” but the way the police are SO EASILY talked out of violence when they come to shut things down, the neat and simple way the political situation is resolved, and ALL the prison guards being willing to help out minorities in jail with no argument- yeah, I think it’s fair to say it wouldn’t go that smoothly in real life. However, the show seems to sincerely trying to send a message of hope, even if the execution is a little simplistic and lacking. 

The show is just sort of messy when it comes to its plot, themes and issues in general- I’d say it tries to do a little too much, so every arc is left feeling kind of underdeveloped and a lot of things are just...dropped. There are several examples of this.

Two mothers are both major characters in the show, and the show tries to make a connection there and say something about motherhood at the last second, but it’s muddled and contradictory. It’s stated that mothers can either chain you down or give you guidance and freedom, which is true, but we’re ONLY shown awful moms throughout the show, who have a large negative impact on their childrens’ life and hardly any positive impact, so celebrating motherhood at all feels bizarre. 

And the idea that this one mom isn’t all bad and maybe can be reasoned with is jarring since there aren’t any examples in the show of her postively affecting her child or being a good mom in the past. It’s so muddled I don’t know if I can say the show crosses over into abuse apologism (it’s at least made clear that if that mom doesn’t take her one chance to start to make amends, the kids will step aside and let her be taken down) but it really edges on it, and this is definitely something the show should have developed more and executed better

Another really muddled plot element with a lot of weird implications was the whole “martian androgyny syndrome” thing. It didn’t tun out as badly as I feared it might, but it was really hard to say why it was even there or what the show was trying to do with it. 

Basically, being on Mars can lead to some sort of vague condition where your sex changes I guess? And maybe it’s eventually fatal for some reason? And maybe the medication that treats it (by trying to stop the change? by addressing side effects? it’s not clear what it even does) causes uncontrollable anger??? That last part is especially uncertain because it’s only stated once by a person who might be trying to justify their abusive behavior BUT it’s also true that out of the three groups introduced in the show who have the syndrome, the people who (probably) take the meds have explosive tempers while the person who explicitly doesn’t is calm so????

 Anyway, the syndrome isn’t presented as uniformly negative, the calm person who doesn’t take the meds is a good person who is okay with their condition and they identify as non-binary and make a nice speech about it. But they’re also, y’know, dying, so. Again, it’s really unclear why this is even a plot element since it goes nowhere and gets explored so little and what is actually even going on with the syndrome and the medication is SO VAGUE. It doesn’t help that 2/3 of the people afflicted look like stereotypical anime caricatures of trans women. The idea that being intersex/getting a sex change/whatever is supposed to be happening is a death sentence isn’t great either.

And that kind of extends to the character arcs, relationships and plot in general a bit- there were a lot of things that were underdeveloped and muddled, which made the characters a little hard to connect to. Even the sci-fi aesthetic felt a little half-baked- I guess it’s a alternate history because we’re in Mars but Instagram is still a thing and modern singers are being referenced, but exactly how this world works went pretty underexplored. At least the text at the encourages viewers to use their creativity and continue the story themselves, so even the show itself is telling ficcers to get on it and make sense of this mess, okay. (Seriously though, I always enjoy seeing pro writers inviting the viewers to continue their story. Let those fic flags fly!)

Carole and Tuesday is definitely not perfect, but it’s entertaining, warm, visually beautiful and bursting with a love and respect for music. It’s features awesome tunes and varied and intriguing characters. The pro-diversity message that extends support for the marginalized and especially immigrants and refugees is very needed in these troubled times, and it’s theme of unity is very sweet

It’s an thought-provoking show clearly made with a lot love and largely positive intentions, so if you can handle the mixed and concerning implications of some of the more muddled bits, I encourage checking it out. 

[johnnymundano]

Prom Night (2008)

Directed by Nelson McCormick Screenplay by J.S. Cardone Music by Paul Haslinger Country: Canada, United States Running time: 88 minutes CAST Brittany Snow as Donna Keppel Scott Porter as Bobby Jessica Stroup as Claire Davis Dana Davis as Lisa Hines Collins Pennie as Ronnie Heflin Kelly Blatz as Michael Allen James Ransone as Detective Nash Brianne Davis as Crissy Lynn Kellan Lutz as Rick Leland Mary Mara as Mrs. Waters Ming-Na Wen as Dr. Elisha Crowe Johnathon Schaech as Richard Fenton Idris Elba as Detective Winn Jessalyn Gilsig as Aunt Karen Linden Ashby as Uncle Jack

Theft Alert: All images from IMDB

Donna Keppel (Brittany Snow; working hard here, bless) is the only survivor of a family massacre perpetrated by Richard Fenton (Johnathon Schaech; looking very Sean William Scott), a creepy teacher with a boner for her. Tonight Donna’s Prom Night is being held at a swanky hotel,  but tonight is also the night Richard escapes from The Home For Creepy Teachers With Wayward Boners. Everything you expect to happen happens, just a lot less interestingly than you would expect for a slasher movie, certainly for one that cost $20 million. Prom Night (2008) is like an experiment see if it possible to make a slasher flick so inoffensive and dumb it could be screened at tea time on The Disney®©™ Channel. It turns out it is in fact possible to make such a thing, but unfortunately no one would want to watch it. It actually makes you hanker for Prom Night (1980), as low-budget and timeworn as that disco slasher may well be.  

For starters, Prom Night (2008) is not a remake of Prom Night (1980) despite what anyone says. Fuck that noise, someone obviously just wanted to use the title. End. Of. They are both slasher movies which take place on Prom Night, but that’s it. I know this because I watched Prom Night (1980) recently for the first time, and last night I watched Prom Night (2008) for the last time. Prom Night (1980) has a mystery surrounding the identity of the killer, which keeps you awake and which also has a surprisingly strong emotional pay off, whereas in Prom Night (2008) we know who the killer is from the off, which is boring and has no pay off at all. Essentially then, this is the difference between the two, one is a bit amateurish but very entertaining, while the other is slick as snot on a door handle and as dull as ditch water. 

Ultimately only one Prom Night successfully evokes the youthful exuberance of the night in question, which is important as I am 50 and English, so I have no personal experience whatsoever of a Prom Night. Also: get off my lawn! Prom Night (1980) makes it look like a fantastically enjoyable event at which hormonally crazed kids dance enthusiastically to fantastically simplistic disco. Apparently the movie was shot with the cast dancing to real, popular disco hits until the makers realised you have to actually pay to use other people’s music (?!who knew!?). Being a bit strapped for cash they had the soundtrack composer Carl Zittrer cook up some home-made disco beats at roughly the same tempo so the visuals and sound would still gel. Carl Zitterer did an excellent job.  A bit too excellent in fact, since the similarity was still so pronounced a $10 million lawsuit was brought against the movie (and settled for $50,000 – phew!). A small price to pay for one of the most cheerful and fun dance sequences I’ve ever seen, particularly as I didn’t pay it. Prom Night (1980) is a decent slasher flick but the dance floor sequence is just pure joy.  Prom Night (2008) makes Prom Night look like a shit night club where nobody knows anyone else there; seriously, the interaction of the core group with everyone else, who they apparently have known for years, is ridiculously minimal. And the songs are the kind of heatedly sexual nursery rhymes I am generationally disposed to dislike. I just don’t get it, basically. You crazy kids! “Who’s your daddy? And is he rich like me?” isn’t so much a song lyric to me as a reason to call the sex police. And while technically the dancing in Prom Night (2008) is smoother, the dancing in Prom Night (1980) is more realistically ramshackle and energetic. 

Also, in Prom Night (1980) the killer, whoever they are, is refreshingly human (they slip on the slippery floor at one point, etc) but in Prom Night (2008) the killer is a tediously efficient killer; which is odd because he’s just a school teacher with a creepy boner for one of his female students, which explains none of his killing efficacy. By rights he should just be crying while wanking over the school yearbook, as I imagine most creepy schoolteachers with boners for their female students do. Maybe creepy schoolteachers with boners for their female students find that reductive and a little offensive of me, and that’s a real crying shame there, because the last thing I want to do is offend creepy teachers with boners for their female students. Every school has that one teacher who dates his female students “secretly”, and as the female student ages out of school he replaces her with a new female student. Maybe you are that guy. In which case you need to hear this: Dude, you are creepy. No one is impressed; they are creeped out. Preying on children is not cool. And if they are in school they are children, I don’t care how developed their chest is. A light prison sentence or some intensive therapy are what you need, creepy teacher dude, not high fives and Budweiser with the bros. (I do apologise for the fact I went to school in the 1970s leading to my not acknowledging that creepy schoolteachers can also be female, and the students being creeped on can be both female and male; with any combination of gender being creeper and creeped upon. I guess everyone sex creeping on everyone else, well, that’s progress? Well done, everyone. Personally I would have tried to phase out the whole creepy-schoolteacher-with-a-boner-for-their-student thing but I guess expanding it across the gender spectrum is certainly one way to go.)

In terms of cast Prom Night (1980) only really has Jamie Lee Curtis and Leslie Nielsen as “names” but everyone is okay, and the characters are all quite quirky and sympathetic. Prom Night (2008) might not have many “names” but it has a far more professional level of acting, which is a win for it. But, alas, while there are real actors in Prom Night (2008) and they all try hard with what they are given, what they are given is so lacklustre and generic it is dismaying how much effort they probably had to put in just to make the characters seem as bland as they do. There’s the black couple; he’s good at sports, she’s a bit sassy. There’s the co-dependant bickering couple; he’s controlling and drinks too much, she’s whiny and, well, she’s just whiny. The gym teacher is sparky and enthusiastic like absolutely no gym teacher I’ve ever met in my half a decade existence, but very like every gym teacher in American high school set shows on Nickleodeon. The most interesting character is Detective Nash, and that’s only because James Ransone appears amusingly miscast; unless a cop who resembles Christian Bale if he was a candleblogger is your idea of a movie cop.  Obviously that’s nobody’s idea of a movie cop, luckily though Idris Elba knows what everyone expects from a Movie Cop and delivers it with lightly self-parodic gusto. Of course   Idris Elba is unarguably a charismatic screen presence; I know that because most of the things I’ve seen him in are godawful but he is always a pleasure. Maybe it’s just unfortunate choices on my part and I’m actually missing a string of entertainment pearls starring Idris Elba, even so Prom Night (2008) would come in on the poopy side of the mark sheet. But, again, even in something as poopy as Prom Night (2008) Idris Elba is fun. Here he’s The Big City Cop so he walks like he’s prolapsed and rasps his dialogue like he regularly gargles lava-hot cawfee. The enthusiasm Elba invests in playing this poorly written part makes up a bit for the utter idiocy of the character. Ultimately though nothing could distract from Detective Winn’s stupidity, so colossally boneheaded are his actions in the movie.

Prom Night (2008) seems to take place in an alternate universe where every authority figure is a moron. In a better slasher flick this might be a genuine attempt at a point, but here it’s just bad writing. Sure, you might think that everyone in authority in the universe we actually inhabit is a moron, and at this point in history you would have a strong case, counsellor. Exhibit one being our current lying coward of a Prime Minister (I write this in the year 2020). But the authority figures in Prom Night (2008) are actually more excessive in their cretinous obliviousness than even that lying shyster. Having (eventually) realised that the killer is loose Idris Elba visits Donna’s guardians, who decide not to bring her home immediately or have her placed in police custody for her own protection, because it might “embarrass her” in front of her friends and put a big downer on this magical night of awful dresses, terrible music and light fingerbanging. Idris Elba, a policeman remember, goes along with this, which is kind of epically dumb, but then he raises the dumbness stakes by going to the Hotel Swank to keep an eye on Donna. Literally. He actually stands by a bit of silver scaffold in the dance hall for hours, and stares at the back of her head, occasionally rubbing the top of his own head and pursing his lips. Incredibly this does nothing to locate and apprehend the killer, who is merrily killing staff and guest alike at his own convenience. Idris Elba even asks at the desk if they have seen the killer, even showing them a picture (which is some amazing police work for Prom Night (2008)). But when asked by the desk clerk if he should be concerned Idris Elba says ”no”. Later when the fact that the killer is in the hotel killing people can’t even be avoided by Idris Elba he pulls the fire alarm and the entire hotel decants chaotically onto the street. Because there’s absolutely no way the killer could get out unnoticed during that, right? Absolutely no way at all. Nu-uh! Essentially most of the people in Prom Night (2008) who die do so because Idris Elba’s character has all the brains of a shoe.

And a lot of people do die in Prom Night (2008), but don’t get too excited slasher flick fans, because it doesn’t really feel like it because the kills are largely inoffensive stuff; which in a slasher movie is kind of offensive in itself. Prom Night (2008)  tries to distract from the lack of splatter with sudden bursts of convulsive editing which just makes it look like the killer is over amorously cuddling people to the floor, or re-enacting his favourite Super Bowl tackles. The only clue that his victims are dead comes later when we get to see the body with some dainty little red marks on their clothes. So averse is Prom Night (2008) to actually getting bloody that one character has their throat slashed and so little claret splashes it’s preposterous. If you were asleep next to somebody with their throat cut you’d wake up sodden in the red stuff, you wouldn’t have to turn them over to discover they were dead. Maybe Prom Night (2008) should have invested some of that $20 million in a medical professional acting as a consultant to tell them that throat wounds tend to, you know, bleed profusely since it’s all the blood inside you coming out of that new hole that kills you. Okay, sometimes it’s the shock of blood loss that offs you but, whatever, there’s a lot of blood involved. There is, I admit, one artfully shot kill where an arc of blood spatters a sheet of plastic but mostly the effects in Prom Night (2008) are less Tom Savini and more Tom and Jerry.

Sadly then, when it comes to this particular Prom Night (2008) you’re better off staying at home and washing your hair.

[morshtalon]

Digital Devil Monogatari: Megami Tensei

Possibly part 1 of a series of posts on the whole series, maybe?

So, the first game in the popular MegaTen franchise is, wouldn't you know it, kind of weird. It was actually a video game sequel to a series of two novels starring a sort of villainous protagonist and the (government-mandated to exist ubiquitously through japanese media) high school exchange student as they become indirectly related to the summoning of ancient bad dudes Loki and Set through the magic of 80's computer programming, go into historic japanese landmarks to resurrect shinto goddesses, witness horrific, gruesome, sometimes sexual actions from the demons, go to space, fight using gods that turn into swords, and generally have a good time.

Naturally, considering the, um... Notorious source material, it's only logical that the videogame adaptation would, then, turn the sort of dark, villainous, intelligent programmer guy into a blank slate warrior with no personality, the girl into a standard RPG magic user, and drop them into a big dungeon crawl with almost no plot, nonsensical NPCs and a connection with the novels so tenuous they might as well have just taken some inspiration from it and opted to create a more original IP instead (I dunno, maybe put a "shin" in front of the title or something). Thus is born the antiquated experience that is Digital Devil Story: Megami Tensei.

While Japanese gamers did at the time have the original version of Dragon Quest - with the sprites that always faced down and the lack of a save system - ushering in a new style of role-playing gameplay into the mainstream, I suppose the mindset of RPG development was still rooted in the design philosophies of the western games from throughout the decade that were distilled into DQ. Games that, like Megami Tensei, typically featured a simplistic first-person view and a party of six characters, following the rough guidelines of the most recent version of D&D, and had generally no plot development, consisting instead of a hardcore, punishing trek through a few 20x20 grid mazes full of traps and gimmicks.

Furthermore, this type of experience, from what I heard, was huge in Japan, so it's no wonder Atlus chose to capitalize on that market instead of streamlining it and risk losing fans of the genre that were looking for an experience similar to what they had witnessed from RPGs so far. Less cynically, it's also entirely possible the developers themselves were huge fans of the first person dungeon crawler and wanted to replicate their positive experiences in a passionate love letter to the genre. Also, for what it's worth, they did add uniqueness in party management and customization, as you surely already know, but we'll get to that later.

I guess we'll never know the true context behind the original MegaTen's creation, but the point is, this is a very old-school game. I don't think it's nearly as brutal as the ones that inspired it, but it is also definitely far from holding your hand. At no point in the game is it entirely obvious exactly where items you're supposed to collect are located, so you mostly have no choice but to comb the entire dungeon yourself until you stumble upon the stuff you need to progress. Furthermore, sometimes the very NPCs that tell you there's even something to look for at all are slightly out of your way, so there's always the mental pressure of maybe having left something behind and having to backtrack and go to all sorts of places trying to find it when you run into the next dead-end.

By itself, this isn't really a bad thing. As an exploration-based dungeon crawl, it's expected that the player will have some agency over what they're doing, and it's refreshing to see a game where you have so much ground to cover, but with hardly any setpiece to spice up the crawling in terms of context, the job of entertaining the player falls squarely upon the gameplay's shoulders.

To that end, the gameplay is definitely more boring than stimulating. This is where I have to admit, I beat the Kyuuyaku Megami Tensei remake version of it. I have played the original, though, and I am aware of the differences between versions. I have also played future games in the franchise with the same issues, so there's no evidence that the original is much different in this regard. Anyway, apart from an intense earlygame where you're at risk of death from a stray Zan spell cast by a gnome if you're unlucky, the rest of the game's fights are uneventful, once you level up enough and have an array of serviceable demons at your side. There's only ever one group of enemy demons per fight. There can be up to eight of them, but all eight are the same type of demon, and the graphics will only show the one until the entire group is dead. It's kind of like every fight is against only one demon but the demon can attack several times and has an erratic, huge HP pool. Furthermore, targeting is completely random for all moves, and you'd think this would add a fake layer of frustration, but the game gives you an auto-battle option. It simply makes the entire party use their regular attack for as many rounds as you want and prevents text from popping up on screen to slow down the monster-slaying, but for the most part, this is more than enough to get you through whatever part of the dungeon you find yourself in, with only the occasional, very rare exceptions of either:

-A demon that has a dangerous ability, therefore making it so that you want to kill them as quickly as possible;

-A boss;

-A battle that you got yourself into without noticing your HP is getting low, so you have to get yourself back to good conditions before proceeding.

It's definitely more of a preparations game than a reactions game. Preparation is fine, but there's never any need for you to deploy clever strategies. The game is ALL about having a good arsenal of choices up your sleeve and, when you do, you're good to go, and then you need to be either very callous or purposefully challenging yourself while playing in order to get into a situation that requires mental resourcefulness and wit. I will admit, I checked some of the mechanical differences between the original and remake versions, and it seems like they reduced the HP of enemies and bosses quite a bit, and generally went to great lengths to streamline the gameplay and make it more in tune with the next few games in the series (as far I could tell from the party itself, Kyuuyaku seems to have taken the inner workings from Megami Tensei II and applied it retroactively to the first game as well to make it more consistent, but I'm not 100% sure). Maybe this means that the original is more nerve-wracking and you need to level up much more, but I doubt it really becomes more strategy-based and oriented towards exploiting the mechanics, like the style future franchise titles would strive to achieve. As far as I can tell, the abilities remain the same, only the stats change, so it's likely more of a formula redesign than any major gameplay departure. If it is though, I apologize, and rectify my statements regarding battle mechanics boredom as far as the original version is concerned.

But hey, regardless of version, the whole demon system is pretty cool. I don't remember the characters doing it much in the books, I believe Nakajima only had Cerberus and that was it, so there's a nice, original expansion of the novels'... mechanics (?) on display here. I don't think the demon conversation, recruitment and fusion systems need any introduction, but I will say that up until Shin Megami Tensei II, the seventh overall game in the franchise, for some odd reason all demons were limited to three abilities/spells (later three spells and a few abilities), so they were not very versatile. Furthermore, magic and abilities generally sucked for the most part in early MegaTen, and in this game, outside of Hanmahan, group healing and the occasional kaja spell, all you really want is a good punching bag to take the heat off of Nakajima and Yumiko.

Also, maybe it's just in the remake, but there are quite a few demons that are exclusive to the player through demon fusion. This begins happening from pretty much the start of the game, making them sort of unique all the way through and making it sort of cool for the player to go around with these demons that you can't see anywhere else and who are usually more powerful than the enemy demons in the area. Still, however, the limited abilities and limited usefulness of said abilities make things a bit boring and makes the demons sort of interchangeable for the most part, especially considering you can't even see them in battle. But hey, in 1987 I'm sure the vast array of options alone would have been pretty impressive and, considering the plethora of real-life inspiration that was put into the demons' designs, it's kind of still impressive today, really.

Enemies do have a few tricks of their own up their sleeve, too, though, and they usually fall into the "early RPG unfairness" spectrum quite nicely, such as being able to cast death spells when the game's programming is such that you get a game over if the 2 (out of 6) human party members die, even if all your demons are still alive (naturally the final boss can use a pretty accurate version of this move), or the loathsome "smiles and laughs" attack that permanently drains an experience level from a human party member if it hits, making you have to work your way back up again without even the mercy of having the enemy that sucked your level give a massive hoard of EXP when defeated. Or the mercy of adjusting the experience table (if you're level 41 and get a level sucked from you, now you're level 40 but you still need enough experience for level 42 to get back to level 41). It's basically a reset button.

The original version also had some major frustration in the fact that there was, like DQ and so many others of its time, no save feature. You had to visit a guy near the start of the game to get a password or use a late game spell from the girl. There was also no auto-mapping feature (though the mapper/mappara spell did exist, in the old MegaTen-style 3x5 grid), so you just had to create maps yourself, I guess, which is kind of like wizardry and bard's tale and such, and kind of interesting. Though, for a game that isn't all that stimulating otherwise, it's good that in the remake you don't also have to go get a sheet of graph paper to keep track of where you've been. I'm torn on whether the original's extra doses of hardcore game design are better or worse than the remake's streamlining, but it seems to me like the hardcoreness, probably caused by memory limitations and such, served more like an arbitrary layer of confusion placed over a game that didn't really have a juicy core, while the remake's alleviation of it brought about the black spots a bit more into the limelight... It's hard to make up my mind.

The more standard things to talk about in a review are usually average-to-enjoyable here. The environment graphics are pretty good for their time in the original version, and the remake has some good stuff in the late-game, but has a tendency to make the ground a fake-looking gradient that feels artificial and standoffish. Demon designs are always a treat in MegaTen and I wouldn't say this game is an exception, but I think the original designs look kind of goofy for the most part, while the remake uses the scaled-down style of SMT II and SMT If... instead of the better-looking, more detailed style of SMT I, so that's somewhat disappointing. The music is alright, nothing special, but it starts with really cheery, upbeat tunes that go against the ambiance, especially in the remake where they added a dark-ish prologue with more fitting, atmospheric music. The sheer length of each individual section of the dungeon means the tracks will start to get repetitive at some point, and they have a repetitive nature on their own, but they're not bad. I like the bass in Valhalla Corridor. I also like the last two areas' music. Bien's track sucks, though.

Either way, it surely isn't a great game. Nor does it have to be one, honestly. It's a 1987, sort of experimental game that toyed around with the concept of a dungeon crawler in a very japanese setting coming from a very risqué source. It has its merits in creativity, sorely marred by technical limitations and overly emphasizing on its subpar dungeon crawling gameplay, extending it to the point where it overstays its welcome quite a bit. The devs were wise in keeping the plot connections to its immediate sequel small (and it is fascinating, how different it is from all others in the franchise) because Megami Tensei 1 doesn't stand the test of time.

But again, such a thing shouldn't be expected from a late eighties, obscure weird little game, and for what it's worth, like I said about Dragon Quest, it served as a base, though in my opinion a rockier one, with which to found gameplay mechanics that would be expanded upon and embellished in future titles. I'd give it a 4 out of 10, perhaps an honorary extra half-point if the original version's gameplay is a tad more stimulating, but really it's hard to even give games like this a score. They're a product of the times, and they appeal to sensibilities of the times. Gamer mentalities, even within the genre, have moved past it, but it stays here as a testament to the growth of the series. Going into it, you're likely very aware of its shortcomings already, and whether you'd like it or not is, I think, even more independent of whatever mess of words I'd be able to string together like this than usual.

[balioc]

Talkin’ About Outsiders

Riffing on my recent post:

If you wanted to keep something like the traditional D&D Great Wheel cosmology, and you wanted all the planes on the Wheel and all the various alignment-oriented races of outsiders to be cool and thematic and not-shoehorned-in, what would it look like?  Let’s give it a shot.  Maybe this will be useful someday, if I ever run a planar-savvy D&D campaign.  Or if you do.

Guiding Principles:

* All groups of outsiders should feel narratively resonant.  Players should have an intuitive sense of what they’re about, what role they would play in heroic fantasy stories, etc.  We want to avoid “oh yeah, those guys over in that corner, because of course there have to be some guys over in that corner.”

* Outsiders should feel otherworldly and mystical, like the spirits they are, not like Another Race of Monsters that’s been jammed into a planar role by fiat. 

* Outsiders should strongly reflect their associated alignment, but, like, in a cool way. 

I’m also going to be working with my own personal gut-level sense of how the alignment grid “should” work on a cosmic scale, which suggests that the “corner planes” -- LG, CG, LE, and CE -- are going to be the strongest, most magical, most populated, etc.  In a metaphysical sense, a strong good/evil commitment and a strong law/chaos commitment reinforce each other rather than diluting each other.  In a demographic sense, while in fact the plurality of mortals are TN due to vacillation or apathy, most noteworthy mortals with plane-defining levels of soul power have corner alignments.  In a pragmatic storycrafting sense, three of those four corners are way cooler and better-developed than anything else on the Wheel, so we should probably run with that.  The upshot is that the NG, NE, LN, and CN outsiders can and should be constructed such that they just have less impact on the universe overall.  The in-betweeny planes...well, they’re afterthoughts, we’ll get to them (briefly) but can ignore them for now.

OK.  Diving in:

Chaotic evil demons from the Abyss and lawful evil devils from Hell are being kept, more or less intact.  They’ve gotten more attention than any other planar races, by like an order of magnitude; they’ve got lots of existing lore and monster-design that people know and love; it would be a crime to throw that stuff away.  Fluff should probably try to present them with a somewhat more-philosophical, less-Flanderizing spin than they usually get.  The conceptual heart of demon-ness isn’t “graaaargh kill smash consume defile” (even if that is a popular instantiation), it’s something like “literally nothing matters except my desire and my vision.”  Similarly, devils would benefit from a little less “we’re all legalistic treacherous assholes” (even if many of them are) and a little more “the order of the universe is legitimate, the infernal hierarchy is legitimate, we follow the rules but we play to win.”  But fundamentally these are the creatures you know and love, don’t fix what ain’t broke. 

Neutral evil yugoloths can stay, too, more or less.  They’ve gotten a fair amount of good monster design too, and they’re popular, although I confess that I have no idea why.  A race of fiendish mercenaries who manipulate and prolong the Blood War?  Sure, why not?  I do want to give them a bit more character, though, and not the inexplicable apocalypse-obsessed death-spirit thing from Pathfinder.  Rather: as I understand it, neutral evil as an alignment is mostly about pure selfishness.  It’s not hard to capture the idea of “selfishness” in spiritual cosmic form -- that’s the gaki, the hungry ghost.  Yugoloths should be driven by intense insatiable cravings, presumably with each kind having a different general category of craving.  This will do a lot to define their politics internal and external, the means of treating with them, etc.  (Also, to be clear, “daemon” as an importantly-separate thing from “demon” is very silly and I have no truck with it.)

The collective term for demons, devils, and yugoloths is of course “fiends.”

The lawful neutral outsider race has already been covered in my previous post: that’s the fae.  Inhumanly perfect spirits obsessed with rules, oaths, codes-of-honor, etc.  Dangerous, and certainly not benevolent, but also not inimical to the flourishing of mortals in the way that fiends are.  Hard to understand, as all outsiders must on some level be, but probably easier to deal with than any other spirits if you know the right codes and protocols.  Probably we play down the “capricious nature spirit” thing and play up the bit where they have courts, monarchs, diplomatic ties to Heaven and Hell, etc.

The chaotic neutral race should be...well, something better than the slaadi, that’s for sure.  “They’re infinitely variable and unpredictable, except that they’re all magic frogs who speak in word salad.”  Gee.  Useful for storytelling, that.  I don’t have any super-brilliant ideas here (and am open to suggestions), but I have what I believe to be a good-enough idea: genies.  Proud, wild, tempestuous spirits who treasure their own freedom and dignity above all else.  Binding them can be a road to great power, since they’ll do pretty much anything to escape, but it’s also unbelievably risky.  You can make up some cute lore about their anarchic ad-hoc anything-goes society. 

I’d like to use “angels” as the collective term for good-aligned outsiders, the equivalent of “fiends.”  We could go with “celestials,” I guess, but it’s awkward that the LG plane specifically is (sometimes) called Celestia, and really “angels” has a connotative punch like nothing else. 

Lawful good gets archons.  Yay archons.  Tiered choirs, divine armies, holy holy holy, the whole shebang.  The fluff for these guys could stand to be fleshed out some -- as far as I know it hasn’t been touched since the 3.5e Book of Exalted Deeds, and that version was kinda lame -- but there’s like infinite amounts of Christian angelology lore on which to draw, so I’m not worried.

Neutral good needs something better than guardinals, since “benevolent animal dudes” really had no spiritual resonance at all.  Fortunately we can do some conceptual repurposing here. I think we can just grab the beings that D&D currently calls “angels,” start calling them all “devas” -- even the planetars and solars, which I guess become “planetary devas” and “solar devas” -- and stick them all in NG.  No one really uses them as all-purpose divine servants anyway, as far as I can tell.  They are beings of pure benevolence, protectors and guardians and healers, etc. etc.  Possibly we call the NG plane “Celestia,” to fit with the celestial-objects theme of the devas, and just go with “Heaven” for the LG plane.

And then we come to chaotic good, which is definitely the hardest row to hoe.  CG has a very important spot on the Great Wheel, the CG outsiders need to have something akin to the narrative power of the demons and devils and archons, and...I just don’t think there’s any pre-existing thing that fits the bill.  “Chaotic good” is not the kind of idea that has been traditionally associated with mighty spiritual mysteries, which is probably why all the existing CG outsider races suck so much.  (Seriously, as far as I can tell, it’s always either “we’re elf knights who fight for freedom! but, like, planar!” or “uh, we’re spirits of art and beauty, I guess, sorta?”) We’re going to have to develop these guys from scratch. 

Rather than trying to come up with an “archetypically CG outlook” or something, I think it would make sense to start with an image of their world and society.  This is a good, lovely, beneficent version of the Abyss.  This is a place of tremendous diversity, where outsider lords carve out their own domains according to their own idiosyncratic specifications.  Which means you have, like, a million conflicting little paradises each defined by its own vision.  (But not, like, at war, the way demon lords always are, we’re all very Good here.  Just...different from each other.)  It probably adds up to a sort of hipster’s-vision-of-the-big-city vibe.  You imagine a race of cosmic Manic Pixie Dream Girls, essentially, always flowing into and out of each other’s circles, descending to the Prime Material Plane in order to experience delights / inspire greatness / find adoring mortal fans who will validate their coolness. 

I think it would be a mistake to give these guys a single strong visual theme, the way that the guardinals are “animal people” and the eladrin are “pretty elves.”  They’re a menagerie of weird-but-beautiful monsters, the way that demons are a menagerie of weird-but-ugly monsters.  The race needs a name, but right now I don’t have a good one.

For true neutral outsiders, I think we can just go with elementals and call it a day.  They’re mindless!  They do as they’re commanded, unless they don’t, in which case they have incredibly simplistic urges like “burn” or “flow!” 

The in-between planes -- y’know, Gehenna, the Beastlands, Acheron, etc. -- are cool, in some vague theoretical sense, and I don’t think we should scrap them entirely.  But I also think it’s a mistake to try and give them their own full-fledged native outsider races, to pretend that they’re going to have the same depth of inherent character as the main eight outer planes, etc.  Instead, I suspect it’s best to use them as divine domains.  Because they don’t have powerful native outsider races, they’ve all been taken over by gods.  Exactly which gods live on which ones is a matter of your particular setting’s theology, but it makes a lot of intuitive sense to say “these are the places where you’d expect to find gods by default, a god who lives on one of the main eight planes is doing something kinda weird and probably has a close relationship with the local outsiders.”

[mst3kproject]

Fire Monsters Against the Son of Hercules

This here Sword-And-Sandal epic was directed by Guido Malatesta, who wrote the screenplay for Colossus and the Headhunters, and stars Margaret Lee, of Secret Agent Super Dragon; Luciano Marin, of Hercules and the Captive Women; and Andrea Aureli, of The Loves of Hercules. Clearly this one is fully qualified, even without the hilariously unconvincing monsters that peer out of every corner.  My copy is an ancient VHS that looks like sun-baked shit and for some reason has no title card.

A tribe of cavemen, who I will call the Sun Tribe, are migrating south to escape the ice age.  They reach the edge of the glacier, I guess, and build a village, but soon find themselves being menaced from multiple angles.  There’s a stupid monster puppet living in the local lake, and another tribe already making their home nearby, the Moon Tribe, who have a strict anti-immigration policy.  Lucky for them, Maxus the Son of Hercules happens to be in the area, and he’s all about fighting monsters and protecting the rights of refugees!  Lots of people swing Styrofoam clubs and throw fake spears at each other, more terrible puppet things show up so Maxus can kill them, and I sit and think about how Cave Dwellers would be a much better title for this movie than it was for Cave Dwellers.

Holy fuck, you guys, this movie is so bad.  It has its dull stretches but most of them don’t go on too long, and whenever something is actually happening it is hilariously awful.  I could fill this whole review with a bullet list of the moments that made me laugh.

We’ll start with the dubbing, which critic Howard Hughes (not that Howard Hughes) described as the worst of all time.  He clearly hasn’t seen Gamera vs Guiron but it’s still really bad.  It’s not so much the performances, which are kind of crappy but no more so than in a thousand other lousy imported movies.  It’s the lipsync, or rather, the lack thereof.  Nobody made any effort to match the English dialogue to the way the actors’ mouths move. Sometimes it’s distracting. Sometimes it’s funny as hell. Sometimes it’s annoying. Sometimes it loops right back around to being funny again.  The best part is that to re-release Maciste Contro i Mostri as Fire Monsters against the Son of Hercules, they had to dub the name Maxus over every occurrence of Maciste.  The guy they hired to do so has a voice several notes higher than the original dub actor for Maciste, and introduces himself like he’s on a phone sex line.

The onscreen cast are pretty bad, too.  The actors look like they belong in the ice age about as much as anybody in Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell belonged in the Hyperborean.  They’re all standing around dressed in fun fur and those cow rugs you can buy at IKEA, and they all look kind of awkward and embarrassed about it.  Maxus has an amusing henna pompadour and his primary facial expression is the ever-popular smug smirk.  The women wander around in fake leather miniskirts and bouffant hairdos like they have no idea what they’re doing here.  The cannibal tribe wear little horns on their heads, like they’re Vikings who haven’t invented helmets yet.

The monsters are unbelievably bad.  I can’t actually think of an adjective to describe how magnificently terrible they are. They’re the fakest, fabricky-est puppets I have ever seen in a movie.  The first water dragon Maxus slays looks like a cheap plush toy version of that thing from The Neverending Story. Another is represented by stock footage of what I think is a perentie lizard, which is only seen in a cutaway because they couldn’t be bothered to back-project it.  A three-headed cave dragon looks like a hand puppet you’d buy on eBay and leave a bad review about because it fell apart the moment you took it out of the box.  It looks like it’s made of construction paper and felt.  It makes The Loves of Hercules look like Jurassic Park.  The screencap doesn’t do it justice.  You’d need to see this thing in motion to truly understand just how stupefyingly shoddy it really is.

Oh, and despite the title of the movie being Fire Monsters, not one of these stupid things breathes fire.  I am both disappointed and relieved, in that I would have loved to see it but if they’d tried it on this budget they would probably have burned their sets down.

This delicious chocolate icing of badness is slathered on the rich, gooey cake of what actually happens in the movie, almost all of which is ridiculous.  Maxus fights a bunch of boneless water serpent creatures while the camera pays loving attention to his crotch.  There’s a bit where several people theatrically lose their balance on a log bridge and fall into the ravine one after another, and it’s funnier every time.  Maxus and his love interest get buried up to their necks as a form of punishment and people stand around throwing things at them but never hit them because nobody in this movie can aim.  Then they’re freed by a random earthquake that just happens to split the ground right where they are.  I was staying with my parents at the time I first saw this movie, and to keep from waking them up in the wee hours with my laughter I had to munch pillows like a vampire wedding night.

But I’m not here to laugh – or at least, not only to laugh – I’m here to analyze.  Believe me when I say that very little in Fire Monsters against the Son of Hercules merits analysis, and even less is intended to be analyzed.  The movie tries to set up a dichotomy between the two tribes. Our heroes, the Sun Tribe, worship fire and the sun god, live outdoors in wattle huts, and hold religious observances during the day.  The bad guys, the Moon Tribe, worship the moon goddess, wear seashells and live in caves around an underground river, and sacrifice at night.  Sun/Moon, Fire/Water, Day/Night, Peace/War, Light/Darkness, and to some extent Male/Female.  It’s a list of opposites, so simplistic that I really can’t think of anything more to say than just to write them out.  I doubt any deeper meaning was intended by it.

If I want something to actually talk about, Maxus never has an arc (I guess being the son of a demigod, he’s already perfect), but some of the minor characters do.  The young chief of the Sun Tribe is supposed to be growing into that role, though he leaves most of the actual heroing to Maxus and it’s unclear how old he’s supposed to be (Luciano Marin was thirty-one when the movie was released). There is an interesting bit where he rails at the sun god for his misfortunes and is warned against it, but whether the gods actually exist or are active in this universe remains mysterious.  It is true that a convenient eclipse halts a series of sacrifices, and that Maxus is saved by the volcano, but these could just be coincidences.

The odd thing about these two events, now that I think about it, is that while among the humans the Sun Tribe just want to live peacefully while the Moon Tribe wants to make war, their gods seem to have the opposite idea.  If the eclipse (portrayed by effects people who clearly have no idea what an eclipse of the moon actually looks like) is the goddess’ doing, it is a frightening but peaceful intervention.  Her worshippers asked for a sign, and she sent one that she does not approve.  If the volcano is the work of the sun god, it is a catastrophic event that destroys the Moon Tribe’s home and livelihood, and kills many of the tribesmen.  Not to mention that the main villain dies when the solar idol falls over and literally crushes him.  Who’s advocating violence now?

I’ve gotten distracted, though.  Getting back to the characters – the Sun Tribe’s leader is secondary not only to Maxus, but to Moa, the deposed rightful leader of the Moon Tribe. Moa probably gets more screen time than any other single character, and has the best claim, after Maxus, to main-character-hood.  Her father and brothers have been murdered by the evil Fuan, who now wants to cement his claim to being legitimately in charge by marrying her, but she can’t stand him.  I think she’s supposed to be one of those Strong Female Characters, but if so she’s a pretty half-assed effort.

For starters, while her introduction makes a big deal of her lost inheritance, she never does anything to try to reclaim it until Maxus turns up inside the caves. You’d think she could nurse a rebel cell biding its time or something, but all she does is sit on her shapely bottom and refuse to marry Fuan.  I’m left with the impression that while she may be the obvious genetic heir, she actually doesn’t have any support base. The rest of the Moon Tribe prefers Fuan for some reason, and she’s left to sit there and pout and wait for a man to save her.

At the end of the movie, Maxus tells Moa that her job now is to make peace between her people and the Sun Tribe.  One might expect the usual trope in which she does so by marrying the Sun Tribe’s leader, who is much more polite and less hairy than Fuan.  He’s already got a wife, though, and saving her from the sacrificial block was a big part of his motivation.  It’s no surprise, then, that Moa instead chooses to walk off into the sunset with Maxus. I guess she’s learned that nice girls don’t want political power.

That’s all pretty lousy, but the rest of the movie is all so deliriously fucking awful that there’s no point in taking it seriously, even as an example of shitty gender politics.  Give this one a watch if you can.  It’s a guilty pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

[purpleswans1]

My Favorite Hidden Anime Gems

I’ve been watching Anime for several years now, and I’ve watched a lot of really good series (and a couple of bad ones). Among them are some series that are a lot of great series that I believe don’t get the attention and following they deserve. Some of them may be more popular than I realize, or they were popular a while ago and just faded over time. But all of them are, in my personal opinion, definitely worth a watch.

Quick note: I tried to put down why I believe some of these shows aren’t as popular. More than one of them is because the original material comes form Light Novels, which aren’t a readily available to the western fans as manga and anime, which alienates those fans since they believe they are missing some of the story.

Now, on with the list:

1. Kemono no Souja Erin (Beast Player Erin)

I can’t express to you how much I love this show. The best way I can summarize it without giving to many spoilers is that it’s a coming of age story about a girl who wants to be a beast-veterinarian like her mother, and follows her as she grows up That doesn’t really go into the juicy bits though. It has strong women in positions of power and male-dominated fields, brilliant world building, and the main focus is on the relationship between mothers and their children. It’s very refreshing, and I think tumblr would love this.

Now this one actually has a lot of reasons why it is less known. First of all, the original source is a light novel. In addition, the anime’s art style is much more simplistic than most anime a fans are used to. Finally, although the plot is entertaining for all ages, the show is actually geared towards kids. As anyone who’s watched Gravity Falls or Steven Universe will tell you, this doesn’t make it any less enjoyable. This does mean though, that the audience that it’s intended for doesn’t have easy access to it. That being said, I definitely suggest that people watch this.

2. Saiunkoku Monogatari (The Story of Saiunkoku)

This one is a court romance, and a really great one at that. The story begins about a sensible girl who is asked to turn the king of her country into a decent ruler by becoming his wife, but the story grows into something greater, focusing on politics, the magic of the kingdom’s origin, and the girl’s dream of becoming a court official. There are several well-done female characters, some who take on traditional feminine roles and some who want to be in male-dominated fields. There’s a little bit of a reverse harem situation going on, but the main character is well-rounded and most of the boys are just supporting from a distance. the main focus ends up being on the political drama rather than just the romance.

The animation is a little old, and the original story is from a light novel. In addition, I suspect that the second season ends before the ending of the light novels so we still have some unresolved business that we’d have to track down the light novels to find out. One of these days I’m going to find and read them. Still, this is definitely worth it!

3. Zetsuen no Tempest (The Civilization Blaster, Blast of Tempest)

Okay, I’ll admit that this one is a little weird, and completely shifts narratives halfway through (which, now that I think about it, happens in several anime I know) but is still worth the watch. I swear the two main guys are kind of psychopaths, but they’re also very real and their relationship is a very interesting take on friendship and complex relationships. The story is set in a world where everything in civilization starts being devoured and people are dying, but these two guys get roped into helping a witch trapped on an island save the world because she promised to help them get revenge for the one guy’s sister. It’s also full of dialogue and plot references to William Shakespeare’s works (especially “Hamlet” and “The Tempest”) and who doesn’t love a good reference to the bard?

I… really don’t know why this anime isn’t that popular. Other than the narrative being a little confusing at times and some of the characterizations being incredibly unique (i.e. not cliches) It’s a really good anime, and you guys should check it out.

4. Guilty Crown

Okay guys, I’ll be honest with you: the first time I discovered this anime (back when my experience consisted mostly of Inuyasha and Code Geass) I described it as a Code Geass fanfic with a slightly altered preface. Which… really isn’t what it is at all. There are still some similarities though. The actual story is about a world where japan was decimated by an Apocalypse virus and has become entirely dependent on foreign aid, making it into a kind of military state. People are oppressed, so a terrorist group forms and a certain socially awkward boy gets a special power that was intended for the terrorist, and he gets roped into joining them. It has a lot of interesting characters and characterization, since part of the boy’s power is to reveal people’s hearts in physical form.

I’m not sure why this one isn’t very popular, other than having several troupes that are in other shows. If I had to guess, it might be related to how he narrative changes halfway, and how I swear the thing must have been funded by the band Egoist considering how much they are referenced in the show.

5. Seirei no Moribito

Oh man, this one… *deep breath* The main character is a spear wielding woman bodyguard in her 30s. She is tasked with protecting an adolescent prince, who after being infected with a magic egg (more significant than it sounds) is being attacked by his own country. They end up forming a mother/son bond over the course of the story and that is the main relationship focus. Oh, and the woman has a love interest who’s basically a healer with some mystic abilities, and they are so not subtle about the reversed gender roles.

The story is based on a light novel series by the same author as Kemono no Souja Erin. However, it only tells the story of the first book, so we end up with a well put-together story and maybe potential for season 2? someday? *goes and cries in a corner because that would be amazing*

6. Shiki

Kudos to @quasiplatonickarinhina for introducing me to this.

Okay, so you know how Twilight spurred a rise in popularity for vampire stories? Only, instead of being the Anne Rice and Bram Stoker bloodsucking-monster variety, they became excessively romantic good guys? Yeah, this isn’t like those neo-vampire stories.

By any chance, does anyone remember the first season of Supernatural? You know, back before it became a cult-followed soap-opera, and instead was basically a series of rural American horror stories crammed into an hour a week? THAT is what this story is like.

The preface is that a mysterious family moved into a small rural town, and gradually people start dropping dead mysteriously. Things gradually escalate, and the story dives into a lot of heavy psychology with some statements on humanity in desperate situations thrown in. If you like Tokyo Ghoul for the psychological horror, you’ll love this.

The series has a very slow build-up before the climax, so that might be the main reason why it isn’t very popular.

7. Shounen Omnyouji

You know that Abe no Seimei guys that will pop up occasionally in exorcist or historical anime? Well, this is about his grandson, who has resolved to surpass his grandfather as an Omnyouji and finally get out of his shadow.

I should also note that this is probably one of the only shounen protagonists I know of that actually shows respect to his elders and superiors (which probably says a lot more for the general trend of shounen protagonists than anything else, but it’s still refreshing.) Seriously, one of the biggest running gags is that he’s in his room yelling about his grandfather expecting him to do the impossible or having to big of shoes to fill, but he’s still very respectful when he’s actually around the guy.

Also, his love interest is… not annoying? Sorry she’s not really that awesome of a character, but she manages to be a traditional princess and not painful to watch. Which is unusual.

Oh, and there are all these super-powered Shikigami who gradually develop respect for the MC and have their own issues with one another. That’s always cool.

This series was originally a light novel series, and to be honest even I wouldn’t know about it if I hadn’t been looking for a different Omnyouji series. I should warn you though, this one has a kind-of-cliffhanger ending, and I don’t see much indication of a season 2. You can always hunt down the light novels though.

8. Arslan Senki

Not sure whether this anime is unknown enough to be here… No, it does. It hasn’t gotten the following it deserves. The light novel series has been going on for decades and that might part of the reason why the fandom has faded, but the most recent manga adaptation is by the Mangaka behind FMA, and apparently she’s done some changes to the original story. Which is cool.

Also, the whole thing clearly has some thematic and stylistic roots in the Crusades, and that’s got to appeal to western audiences right?

9. Tokyo Ravens

You remember those exorcist anime I mentioned a while ago? Well this is one of them. The short explanation of this series that that it’s about a bunch of high school students studying to be Omnyouji. Which makes it sound a lot like a Japanese Harry Potter, which admittedly it kinda is. Only not. There’s a lot of plot derived from the reincarnation thing and some family politics crossing actual politics.

This is another one where the original source material is a light novel series. It also ends in a sorta-cliffhanger, but I have a bit more hope for a season 2 for this one.

10. Rurouni Kenshin

Okay, this one probably doesn’t need to be on this list since it is still popular, just really OLD so the hype has simmered down, but It needs to come back because WE HAVE A NEW MANGA ARC!!!!! (Can you tell how happy I am?)

Now I could go on and on about how much significance this series has for me personally (I literally discovered online scanlations and the dark web for this series guys) but I’ll spare you the hour-long monologue. Elevator pitch: This is a historical fighting manga with a lot of interesting characters and themes and quite honestly a classic. I’ll admit that there are some issues with the story that weren’t as troubling to high-school-aged me, but overall it’s still a wonderful tale. I mean, the manga inspired a long anime series and 3 live action movies, so that should say something (I feel no urge to watch the OVAs, so let’s not mention them)

11. Silver Spoon (Gin no Saji)

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit that i usually am not attracted to slice of life stories. But a friend recommended this series to me and mentioned it was one of Arakawa’s mangas, so I decided to check it out. A decision I do not regret. The basic plot has to do with a city boy who decided to go to an agriculture high school. Its chock full of culture shock, interesting characters, and a realistic take on the agricultural industry. I identify with this story on a personal level, both because i grew up in a rural area and know how some of the agriculture stuff works and also because the MC is searching for a direction after loosing his “dream.”

Like I said, this series is a slice of life, which generally doesn’t get as much attention as the action-adventure stories.

Got any other animes you think deserve a larger following than they currently have? Feel free to recommend them to me!

[findmyhouse]

EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER - LOVE BEACH (1978): 4/10

Yeah! How do you like that album cover? What the hell happened? Okay, time for a little history lesson. Remember how the band used an orchestra on the previous two albums? Well, one day Keith said to the other guys: “Hey, wouldn’t it be a great idea if we took an orchestra with us on our next tour?” And… well, to be honest, it actually was a great idea. Artistically, at least. Backing up the old and the new ELP hits with orchestral arrangements resulted in some outstanding performances that were captured on the live album Works Live, which I heartily recommend to anyone who's interested in the band. Financially however, this was a really bad move. Paying the musicians and transporting their equipment was such a financial strain that the band would inevitably lose money unless they sold every last seat at every venue. And they didn’t succeed at that because the popularity of progressive rock as a whole took a nosedive in the late seventies. The genre's emphasis on complex rhythms and structures, esoteric concepts and instrumental virtuosity became more and more associated with snobbish elitism and was rejected by the new generation, which instead flocked to the more approachable, raw and rocking sound of punk rock bands such as the Sex Pistols, who regularly mocked progressive rock bands as part of their performances, with their famous “I hate Pink Floyd” t-shirts, and their burning of Yes and ELP records on stage. In addition, the music industry itself changed around this time and became far less receptive towards experimental music than it had been throughout the decade.

So, to make a long story short, ELP were in a bad spot in 1978, and were further plagued by deteriorating personal relations between the band members, as well as conflicts with the record company which demanded a hot-selling record. Love Beach was made in a desperate attempt to reach out to a new audience: it’s made up primarily of a bunch of lightweight pop songs but also throws in a few progressive-sounding tunes to please their old audience. The result, predictably, pleased no one at all and made ELP the laughing stock of the music world. Even the band members themselves have frequently mocked it. What else could they do? This album is just too easy to mock. Just look at it! Even the liner notes hardly say anything about the music and mostly just talk about how much fun the band had on the Bahamas, where the album was recorded.

I mean, you can tell that there are some creative problems when a singer has trouble trying to make the third line on an album fit within the meter. At the same time, Keith changes his synthesizer tones from otherwordly and ominous to sickly sweet and sappy, and Carl plays an awkward drumming part that never seems to get off the ground. And despite all of that, I still have to count “All I Want Is You” among the better songs on here, because it shows at least a wee bit of classical influence and of the old production style (and to be fair, this is hardly worse than Greg’s pop stuff on Works, Volume 1).

However, things very rapidly go off the deep end with the title track and “Taste Of My Love”, which are basically guitar-led cock rock anthems that have Greg singing oversexed smut that would make even Gene Simmons blush with embarrassment (Oh, I almost forgot: all of the lyrics on this album were written by Peter Sinfield, who originally rose to fame by supplying King Crimson with his hallucinatory texts about 21st century schizoid men and rusted chains of prison moons, and who just five years earlier thought up the apocalyptic machine warfare themes for Brain Salad Surgery. Now he writes such lovely slices of poetry like “I’m gonna love you like nobody ever loved you; Climb on my rocket and we’ll fly”). Anyway, these songs are far too tame instrumentation-wise to appeal to the general sleaze-rock crowd, and far too simplistic to not infuriate anyone expecting to hear the ELP of old: Keith’s synthesizer parts feel like they were added to these tracks more out of obligation rather than because they actually contributed something of substance to the music.

“The Gambler” goes for a comedic mood again, but really overstays its welcome with its generic female backing vocals as well as some shitty ukelele and some equally shitty harmonica to spice up the pill. Oh well, at least it has some funny keyboard playing. And "For You" ... well, that one's actually alright. Unlike the rest of the album, it's more melancholic and reflective than sappy and jolly, and it has some nice echoey guitar playing, too. I couldn't care less about the "rocking" coda though (in quotes because it just sounds kind of torpid).

In contrast to the first side of the LP, the second side holds tracks that are basically bones thrown toward the band's traditional audience. The first track on here, "Canario", is also not bad. It's another classical cover (of a piece by Joaquín Rodrigo) that still sounds overly sweet and kinda cheesy but at least it has some dang energy which is sorely missing on the rest of the album, particularly on the next track, where things get really murky when the boys try to pen one more epic multi-part suite in the old prog style, called “Memoirs Of An Officer And A Gentlemen”. Don’t expect another “Tarkus” here: this whole suite is just a big toss-off. Almost the whole thing is in the same key and the same plodding tempo, and it sticks to the same disgustingly cheerful atmosphere that dominates the rest of the album. Furthermore, the lyrics try to sound really grandiose and world-shattering but, when taking the utterly banal subject matter into account (a soldier falls in love with a nurse but oh no she died the end), just come off as pathetic. But worst of all, Keith's keyboard playing feels completely sterile and forced throughout the whole thing, and there's no impressive synth solo to hear for miles around. The final movement, "Honourable Company", is a gradually intensifying march that's obviously intended as a rewrite of "Aquatarkus", but it has no climax and just ends up sounding like really bad theme park music (I apologize if I overuse this analogy in my reviews but I really can't think of a better thing to compare it to. Do you remember waiting in line for an Indiana Jones ride and hearing some super-cheesy tune for the grand, magical adventure you're about to go on? Yeah, that's the one ). Not even the gratuitous Chopin quotations help bring the suite to life or anything resembling life.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must come across as angry right now, but honestly, the spectacular stupidity of this album makes it impossible to actually hate or get angered by. The incompatibility of Emerson, Lake & Palmer with their newly created popstar image, combined with the unconvincing manner in which they pursued this new direction, makes Love Beach one of the most hilariously ham-fisted and ill-conceived products in the history of mainstream rock music. So just don’t take it too seriously. Don’t look for quality here. Just let the stupid sink in and have a blast.

Allmusic's original review of this album consisted of just one sentence which read: "A record that ELP released only because they owed it to their original label, and that's all one needs to know." I suppose it’s a mystery whether the band just wanted to make a few dollars and please Atlantic Records or if they actually wanted to make a turn in this direction, but in any case, the album flopped both commercially and critically. Now reviled by their former fans and belittled by their enemies, the trio finally called it quits and went their separate ways.

Best song: eh, I guess it's probably CANARIO

[sophiescarlet]

My reviews of all the Nancy Drew games

I was writing this up for a friend who’s just getting started on the games, but here you all go. My favorites are bolded. Sincerest apologies to anyone on mobile if they haven’t fixed the read-more bug.

1. Secrets Can Kill – Nancy goes to a high school to investigate a murder. It’s a bit more simplistic than later games, but still enjoyable. Plus Aunt Eloise is a librarian! She doesn’t actually appear in the game, but Nancy does go to the library to do research. I actually think the original version’s storyline (which sticks more closely to the book) makes more sense, but imo the “remastered” version’s gameplay makes more sense and is more fun. (NB: The original version no longer works on current computers.)

2. Stay Tuned for Danger – Nancy investigates sabotage on a soap opera set. I’ve only played this once and don’t see myself returning to it. The storyline is good, but the mechanics are reeeeally hard to figure out. It’s probably my least favorite actually.

3. Message in a Haunted Mansion – Nancy investigates supposed hauntings in a San Francisco Victorian. There are elements of the occult and Prohibition era. It was pretty fun; I ought to play it again.

4. Treasure in the Royal Tower – Nancy goes to a ski resort or some such thing and searches for Marie Antoinette’s stolen jewels, I think? It’s one of the biiiiiig fan favorites, but not one of mine; I just didn’t enjoy the mystery. Points for introducing the series’ best character, Prof. Beatrice Hotchkiss, though.

5. The Final Scene – Nancy has to rescue someone being held captive in a historic theatre that’s about to be torn down. Appropriately claustrophobic and atmospheric; I need to play this one again too.

6. Secret of the Scarlet Hand – Nancy investigates thefts from an exhibit of Mexican artifacts at a museum. Interesting but kind of eh. Guess it’s just not quite my cup of tea, topic-wise.

7. Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake – Ghost dogs haunt a rural cabin. Prohibition-era elements again. Also not one of my favorites because of tedious mechanics, and just a weak storyline.

8. The Haunted Carousel – Nancy investigates a New Jersey amusement park with strange happenings, like a carousel that operates by itself. Admittedly this is totally my bag as far as plot/setting because I love amusement parks, but I think the setting is a great mix of “old-fashioned” nostalgia and modernisation, and it has one of the most appealing sets of secondary characters in any of the games. Plus it has a MacGuffin, which I think is a large part of the key to the best Nancy Drew books (and games).

9. Danger on Deception Island – I don’t actually fully remember the setting/plot but it’s something on the ocean in the Pacific Northwest, I think. I remember the setting being very Murder, She Wrote, in a good way, but the game as a whole didn’t really make an impression on me, obviously.

10. The Secret of Shadow Ranch – I’ve played this twice and still struggle to remember it, so you can probably take that as an indication of quality. It’s not bad, just, all the pieces seem a bit disconnected, from what I recall? Also, I found the love interest character very annoying. At least Daryl from Secrets Can Kill was cute and gentlemanly.

11. The Curse of Blackmoor Manor – So this is actually the only one I’ve never played. It’s the fan favorite, though. I read the book it was allegedly based on – though past The Final Scene the extent to which the games are truly drawn from the books is hit-or-miss, and past Secret of the Old Clock it’s a total joke – and it was pretty shit, so I guess, can only go up from here?

12. Secret of the Old Clock – This was an interesting concept, to try to place a game in the 30s when the original ND books were set, and it works fairly well, though inevitably sometimes comes off as gimmicky (the phone system and gramophone being good examples). Trying to combine elements of all of the first four books was certainly a choice, particularly after adding in the new element of spiritualism, but the story actually turned out really well imo, even though it ultimately can’t be reconciled with the book universe. It’s also I think the last game where the puzzles integrate pretty directly with the plot, rather than just being random-ass mini-games thrown in to make the gameplay longer.

13. Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon – The first full appearance of the Hardy Boys, though they appeared fleetingly as far back as The Final Scene iirc. It’s also (veeeeery loosely) based on the first Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys SuperMystery I ever read: they’re invited on a newly-restored train trip by a Paris Hilton lookie-likey who wants them to solve the decades-old disappearance of a miner. It wasn’t bad, but it was hardly a gem. I don’t see myself playing it a second time.

14. Danger by Design – Nancy investigates why a Parisian fashion designer seems to be losing her mind. It was okay, though it took me two tries to get into it, but somehow it just seemed kind of half-assed.

15. The Creature of Kapu Cave – The second and last full appearance of the Hardy Boys. Pretty much universally considered one of the three worst games in the series, and I’d call it the worst. The plot is iffy and the gameplay not very entertaining, though at least you do switch between playing as Nancy and playing as the Hardy Boys, which is a neat twist. It’s also more linear than the other games, and ... yeah, the plot is just crap.

16. The White Wolf of Icicle Creek – Nancy investigates sabotage at a Rocky Mountain lodge and yes this setting is in fact Royal Tower revisited but without the cool castle. It also has the most notoriously difficult puzzle in the series. I might play it again at some point, but I wouldn’t count on it.

17. Legend of the Crystal Skull – Nancy investigates a murder in New Orleans. This is known for being one of the creepiest ND games, and I liked some of the characters, but it still falls flat for me. I guess I don’t think the plot is rich enough, especially given the very rich setting. You do get to play as Bess, though.

18. The Phantom of Venice – Nancy investigates a series of thefts in Venice. I’d say this is the best rendered of the more exotic locations, and though most of the secondary characters are just okay, Margherita and Enrico are absolute joys. Admittedly the plot doesn’t make much sense, and the different elements of the game can seem disconnected at times, but I find all the puzzles so much fun. I think this and The Captive Curse are the ones I’ve played the most, at least if the two versions of SCK are counted separately.

19. The Haunting of Castle Malloy – Nancy investigates something (I forget what) at an Irish castle. What I remember about this more than anything is how fucking tedious it was and how much fun I didn’t have. The bartending puzzle was the absolute highlight, which is kind of sad really. I don’t remember the plot being bad, but I don’t actually remember the plot at all, so it sure wasn’t good either.

20. Ransom of the Seven Ships – This is one of the three widely reviled games, but I didn’t think it was that bad. Nancy and George are marooned on a tropical island and have to find a kidnapped Bess. Yes, the plot is weak, but it’s still fun. Certainly not my favorite, but certainly not bad imo.

21. Warnings at Waverly Academy – Nancy investigates threats and sabotage at a girls’ boarding school. Yeah, SCK teas for sure. Personally, I found the supporting characters a bit of a letdown; it seems like this should have one of the best casts of characters of the ND games, but Rachel is the only one I really liked, and even she’s pretty milquetoast. The plot is a bit weak too.

22. Trail of the Twister – Not one of the more popular games, and for good reason. Nancy joins a tornado tracking team (alliteration entirely unintentional). I didn’t enjoy most of the characters or most of the puzzles, and I found the gameplay tedious at times. But mostly the plot just wasn’t engaging enough.

23. Shadow at the Water’s Edge – Along with Crystal Skull, one of the big “creepy” games. Nancy stays at a Japanese inn that seems to be haunted. I felt that the secondary characters were stereotypes and kind of racist, and one of the puzzles is stupidly frustrating, but the plot is actually really good, and the gameplay is fun (though traveling on the subway can be tiresome).

24. The Captive’s Curse – Yesssssss, this has to be my favorite in the series. Nancy goes to a German castle supposedly under attack from a monster. The supporting characters are excellent, for sure my favorites in the series, and the puzzles are pretty fun too. The setting is great as well, though it has the same frustrating “navigating the woods” thing as Castle Malloy.

25. Alibi in Ashes – Nancy is accused of arson in River Heights and has to prove her innocence, then catch the actual arsonist. This is the last game that involves playing as other characters: in this case, Bess, George, and Ned. I haven’t had a chance to play it a second time, but I’m sure I will, because it was pretty fun. Plus, Deirdre Shannon is a total gem of a character: “Nedward” is instantly iconic.

26. Tomb of the Lost Queen – Nancy goes to an archaeological dig in Egypt. Which should totally be my bag, but the plot here feels very superficial, and the gameplay seems disconnected.

27. The Deadly Device – Nancy investigates a death at a high-tech scientific facility. The mechanics can be tough to figure out, but I enjoyed the story and the characters. I’ve seen at least a couple people say they enjoyed this more than they expected to, and I concur. Joe Hardy is at his comic best too.

28. Ghost of Thornton Hall – Nancy investigates a haunted Southern mansion. The last of the creepy game trio (interesting that two of them are set in the South), and in some ways a throwback to MHM. It got a lot of acclaim at the time, but it was pretty average for me. I’ll probably replay it at some point, but it’s not what I call a priority.

29. The Silent Spy – Nancy goes to Scotland to learn about her mom’s past as a spy. Yeaaaah... That basic idea is pretty out-there and really not in keeping with the franchise as a whole. I don’t really know where it came from, honestly. The parts where Nancy has to come to terms with her mom’s life and death are good, but overall, it’s not that great.

30. The Shattered Medallion – Another pretty widely reviled entry, and again for good reason. Nancy and Bess go to New Zealand to compete on an Amazing Race-type reality show. There is little to no mystery here; it’s evident that the whole game was just an excuse to bring Sonny Joon, a long-running off-screen character, into the series, and damn, they did not do Sonny justice. I probably won’t play this a second time.

31. Labyrinth of Lies – Nancy investigates thefts from a museum in Greece, tied to an upcoming theatre production. I didn’t like most of the secondary characters, and the plot was weak, though the setting is good. Definitely in the bottom third or so of Nancy Drew games.

32. Sea of Darkness – Nancy goes to Iceland to search for a missing man and ends up getting involved investigating his girlfriend’s family history. An appropriate finale to the series (or at least it would have been if Her had managed to end things gracefully instead of dragging them out so painfully). The secondary characters are appealing, and the setting is great. Plus, points for having the only two canonically queer characters in the series.

Dossier #1: Lights, Camera, Curses! – Nancy investigates problems on the set of a remake of an Egypt-themed Old Hollywood movie. Pretty fun, though it really could have used a hint button like every other hidden object game I’ve ever played.

Dossier #2: Resorting to Danger – Nancy investigates bomb threats at a spa. Pretty generic setting, but they do make the most of it.

[wearejustvisiting]

HUMANZ review.

Before we begin, now is a good time to talk the politics of the alum. Many of the references to situations may seem outdated or played out, but you have to remember, this album didn't start production until 2014. Some of these songs are seriously YEARS old. So b sure not to judge the album for any recent political messages that you may consider "Outdated" because, technically, they're not.

1: I turned my robot off: Nobody cares, moby...nobody cares.

2: Ascension (Feat. Vince Staples): Good production, though I expect no less from a band like Gorillaz. Uses some unique effects that I haven't heard since Demon days, and Staples' feature is pretty sick. GLAD TO HEAR THAT CHORUS BACK.

3: Stroblite (Feat. Peven Everett): Kinda dull to start off with, sounds kinda like an overproduced track from G Sides. Everett sounds like every other british singer to me, I'm sorry, but it's not super unique. Not saying they're bad, just nothing to write home about. But damn, is that a catchy chorus. Maybe Gorillaz should just do commercials. Damon Albarn doesn't even have to pretend he's in the band at that point

4: Saturn Barz (Feat. Popcaan): Really good sample, strong beat, and I love the keyboard used in the song. But the production is a bit overdone. Autotune CAN be used as a stylistic thing, sure, but that doesn't always mean it sounds good. Popcaan does fine with it, but I would be interested in hearing it without him. And hey, Albarn actually SINGS on this song. CONSISTENTLY. The choir is also good, but I heard them do the same thing on Demon Days.

5: Momentz (Feat. De La Soul): De La Soul is an obvious choice. He's basically IN Gorillaz. The vocal modulation on MOMENTZ is awesome, and got me amped. But the kick drum threw my excitement riiiight off my back. It falls into the 22 DEATHBREAST trap of being too loud and percussive. De La Soul can rap, and i never questioned his ability, so that's obviously not too big of a deal. It's like saying 'hey, that really good mathematician can do MATH!' Other than that really, REALLY fun vocal modulation, it sounds a biit too much like Ke$ha in the first half. But the second half with the chorus reminds me of Dirty Harry. From...you guessed it, Demon Dayz. The final part with the keybard percussion is what the song SHOULD have been.

6: Interlude: The nonconformist Oath: "Ohhhh, you're all claiming to be non-conformists but you're just SHEEP" said every other artist ever.

7: Submission (Feat. Danny Brown & Kelela): This song immediately starts of with a female vocalist (I assume Kelela, correct me if I'm wrong) singing, and reminding me of a little dragon feature. Nice, solid music, as well. THAT CHOIR'S BACK BABY I'M LOVIN IT. This is the first song after Ascension that I can really say is a song from THIS album. It sounds NEW, almost like a different artist. Buuut...Brown ruined it. His voice is obnoxious. Why couldn't you just bring back Vince Staples? Or, I dunno, GET D.R.A.M. TO DO A REAL VERSE (Oh, we'll get to that.)

8: Charger (Feat: Grace Jones): OH MY GOD. DAMON ALBARN SINGS ON THIS SONG AS LIKE...THE MAIN GUY. It's a dirtier track, which I feel matches the earlier aesthetic of Gorillaz. But that's not a bad thing. It doesn't sound like a retread, just a tribute to other, harder songs like White Light or Oh Green World. But, the keyboards do a good job of keeping it fresh, it still sounds NEW. Grace Jones is a good vocalist, though there isn't too much of her on this track.

Interlude: Elevator: Goin Up" ...yep.

9: Andromeda (Feat. D.R.A.M.): YEAH, AS A FREAKING BACKING VOCALIST. GIVE MY BOY D.R.A.M. A REAL VERSE. HE MADE CUTE, DAMON. Anyway, it's a little bass heavy, kinda hurts your ears. One of the few songs I would recommend listening to through laptop speakers. And, to be fair, it's a great song. I actually love it when the bass is brought down and the electronics hit. So play it through laptop speakers, then plug it in after that. And, I do at least HEAR D.R.A.M., so that's something. Good dance track....no, AMAZING dance track. But I feel ripped off, as there was no real D.R.A.M. feature that was worth while. Unlike other songs, it seems to take more from Plastic Beach (which I kiiinda preferred to Demon Dayz anyhow) But it still stands as something from THIS album cycle.

10: Busted and Blue: Starts up with kind of a chillwave/vaporwave feel. Ambient noise and smooth, long, drawn keyboards. Very chilled out vocals from Albarn here. the backing vocals kinda remind me of Redbone or Me and your Mamma from Childish Gambino's"Awaken, My love!" SLIDEWHISTLE WHOOOO

11: Interlude: Talk Radio: um...okay.

12: Carnival (Feat. Anthony Hampton): The intro sucks. But Anthony Hampton is a pretty good voice! Matches with the heavier beat. Sort of trap influenced, almost. Not sure what I would call it. The voices and the layering work superbly, and the strings are great, too. Nice and distorted, but not to the point of being unrecognizable.

14: Let Me Out (Feat. Mavis Staples and Pusha T.): Haven't heard from Pusha T in a while. But I'm a fan of the interrupting keyboard, makes it sound distorted. If only they'd taken it to the next level and messed with the vocal track, but I guess we gotta get what we're given. Catchy percussion, love that snare. Mavis Staples has a fantastic voice, and I'm very glad she's on this record with THAT CHOIR BOOSTER. DAMN. The beat and music are also, again, pretty solid.

15: Interlude: Penthouse: I mean...yeah, I guess.

16: Sex Murder Party (Feat. Jamie Principle & Zebra Katz): The sting of percussion at the beginning is not good. I mean, it sounds fine NOW, but imagine that on a playlist on shuffle, and you have the volume up. Gotta think about everything, man. I feel like I have heard that drumline from somewhere, but I honestly couldn't tell you where. Kind of dull, honestly. Dissonant keyboard and strained vocals don't change a song's quality if all they do is remind you of Micheal Meyers.  Jamie Pirnciple is NOT entertaining to listen to. Maybe in a different setting, his voice would work better, but with this kind of music it just doesn't fit. Zebra Katz, on the other hand...fits quite nicely. His voice and range matches the darker tone of the song. Even if the song is bad, he's fit for it.

17: She's my Collar (Feat. Kali Uchis): The snare hits you like a truck if you aren't expecting it. I don't like the Residents-esque guitar in the back. Shame, because without that, it would be a pretty solid beat. The drawn synth is also annoying, too. Kali Uchis is nothing to write home about, but they aren't terrible. Also,using they/them unless I know the artist's perferred pronouns.

18: Interlude: The Elephant: I mean, whatever, man.

19: Hallelujah Money (Feat. Benjamin Clementine): Now, I love this track. Clementine is an amazing vocalist, who deserves to be more popular than he is. He's one of the best modern singers coming out of Europe, in my opinion. This was the first song released from the new album, and if the rest of the album sounded like this, it would be a perfect ten. The beat is simplistic, but just so that it isn't too overwhelming. The choir is awesome, almost like a full on gospel chorus. The keyboards and synths on this song are also amazing. Favorite track so far on the album.

20: We Got the Power (Feat. Jhenny Beth): DAMN THAT INTRO. HOLY CRAP I THINK I JUST DIED. The vocals are amazing on this track, and the matching keyboards are a perfect match. Beth is an amazing vocalist with a unique voice who can really carry a tune. I wish the percussion was a bit slower, maybe half tempo. It seems a little too fast for this kind of song. Other than that, it's good. And hey, this seems like a good workout song. So, it's not awful. But gooooood, that ending. I hate when songs just STOP. At least Hallelujah Money gave us a build. This just stopped.

21: Interlude: New World: Meh, kinda boring. At least the other interludes were funny.

22: The Apprentice (Feat. Rag'n'Bone Man, Zebra Katz, & RAY BLK): Getting a kind of Homeshake vibe from the beginning of this song. Like the vocals at the beginning as well, but I don't know which artist it was. Their voice is unique enough that I bet I WOULD know, if I listened to them. Loving the chorus. Nice flow to it, and I like that they toned back the music on this one. It's more about the vocalists. The second vocalist (who I ALSO don't know the name of, you can tell I'm so versed in music lol) is pretty good too. Their voice getting the lead on the chorus is also pretty cool, you don't see a lot of bands do that, switching the chorus vocalist. Finally, Zebra Katz. He can rap, and pretty well. He has a nice flow, and keeps track of his words. Also: Laughter was SOOOO Demon Days.

23: Halfway to the Halfway House (Feat. Peven Everett) Peven is back, but first let's talk this intro. A bunch of RADAR sounding noises, followed by an underwater-type synth with a kind of ride in the back? It's not HORRIBLE, but it's not really hooking me. Kinda reminds me of a slowed, chopped, and screwed Doncamatic. Peven Everett has a better pattern on this song, and the chorus is a good match for this song as a smaller group. It sounds pretty good, against the dark and drab music. Not much else to say, honestly. Then the second half hits, and it picks up. More people, louder vocals, it's a really good thing. Sometimes more really is more. I also like how it fades and we get kind of a fan effect. But once again, we have a song that just...stops. Shit.

24: Out of Body (Feat. Kilo Kish, Zebra Katz, & Imani Vonsha): The intro is a woman (or two, depending on who you ask) talking about how there's gonna be some sort of special offering. It's seriously right out of a "top ten audio recordings that'll make you leave your hometown and move to Boise" video. But how's the song? Unique enough to use phones as the main synth. The bass is there, and it's loud, but it's just enough to be a good dance track. Kilo Kish is a good artist, kind of reminds me of Tkay Maidza with her flow, but on other songs where she sings, they sound pretty different. Her voice matches the song pretty well. Zebra Katz comes into the track like Nate Dogg on Shake that. Again, though, good rapper. Then a third vocalist, who I assume is Imani Vonsha comes in. She's a much more new artist, but I hope she becomes more popular. Her voice Really is something. kinda reminds me of Jelly from Tank and the Bangas.

25: Ticker Tape (Feat. Carly Simon &Kali Uchis): A slower track, but the keyboard wants it to be fast. It really doesn't sound good. I understand what they were going for, but it sounds ugly. I'm glad it comes out to a more drawn synth later in the song. Really catchy chorus, too. Good percussion, as well. Kick, snare, kick, snare...sometimes, that's all you need.  Carly Simon has a lower, more lowkey voice, which is perfectly suited for this track. Relaxed, undisturbed, but still enough emotion to keep me from falling asleep. loving the James Blake styled vocal modulation on Albarn, really adds kind of a Bo-en feel to it. Kali Uchis comes in later, when the song picks up, which is really where her voice belongs; more upbeat or quicker songs. But guess what? it just...stops.

26: Circle of Friendz (Feat. Brandon Markell Holmes): A song with an intro of sirens, minor violin chords, and glass bottles smashing against walls? Gotta be good, right? Well, it actually isn't that bad! The choral vocal style pairs well with the string ensemble of the keyboards, and the dissonent backing over the verse matches well. Gorillaz has a history of ending their albums with more lowkey tracks, like Pirate Jet on Plastic Beach. Am I glad the tradition returned? Yes. Because this is easily one of the better songs on the album. Markell Holmes really can carry a tune. And how does it end? With a fade....well, at leat it's something.

PHEW! THAT was a long one. But was it good? Well, kind of. There's parts of the album that I thought were great, but others that were just reeeeally repetitive. Over all, it could have been worse. But it could've been better....but it could've been a LOT worse. 7/10  

[jenmedsbookreviews]

I can’t believe it – conclusive proof (if it were actually needed) that I am a total tool I forgot London. In all of my roundups of the Orenda Roadshows I have attended, and all of my attempts to persuade you that you really want to attend one of this year’s five events, I forgot one of the biggest and one of the original roadshows from 2017 … London!!!

How the heck did I manage that right? 15 absolutely brilliant Orenda authors in one room and what a night it was.

The Orenda Roadshow 2020 Penarth Edition

The uninitiated amongst you, or those of you who are either new to #teamOrenda or who have perhaps not followed the fortunes of the team as closely as some of us (I mean me obvs) may be wondering just what an Orenda Roadshow is. Well … an Orenda Roadshow is like a book launch of event but on steroids. A nationwide touring celebration of all things Orenda where you will find the largest number of authors in any one place, outside of a bog standard festival, talking about their books, sharing the book love and spending time with their readers. It is both informative and entertaining. Fun and a place for serious book purchasing. A little birdy (Karen) tells me there is also the chance you may be able to pick up some not yet released titles as the authors prepare for their upcoming launches. You just don’t know.

To give you an idea what to expect, I’m going to be resharing my round up of the last three years worth of Orenda Roadshows. You can find my write up on the 2017 even in Liverpool right here and the 2018 Warwick event, which even the Beast from the East couldn’t stop, right here. Before I take you back over the highlights of the London event, here is the list of this year’s venues and the bookshops you need to stalk on Twitter and Facebook to keep abreast of the event and book your tickets.

24th February: Waterstones Glasgow 25th February: Drake the Bookshop, Stockton on Tees 26th February: Linghams Booksellers, Heswall 27th February: The Bookcase, Lowdham 28th February: Griffin Books, Penarth

Be warned though – these events are super popular so I’d recommend booking as soon as possible. Tickets are already on sale for Heswall, Stockton-on-Tees, Penarth and Glasgow so don’t delay. Book today. For those of you who are still undecided, let me tempt you some more with some info about some of the authors who will be appearing this year …

Appearing in Glasgow: David F. Ross; Doug Johnstone; Helen FitzGerald; Louise Beech; Thomas Enger; Johana Gustawsson; Simone Buchholz; Antti Tuomainen; Michael J. Malone; Matt Wesolowski ;Vanda Symon

Appearing in Stockton: Helen FitzGerald; Louise Beech; Thomas Enger; Johana Gustawsson; Simone Buchholz; Antti Tuomainen; Michael J. Malone; Matt Wesolowski; Vanda Symon; Will Carver; Kjell Ola Dahl; Helga Flatland

Appearing in Heswall: Helen FitzGerald; Louise Beech; Thomas Enger; Johana Gustawsson; Simone Buchholz; Antti Tuomainen; Michael J. Malone; Matt Wesolowski; Vanda Symon; Will Carver; Kjell Ola Dahl; Helga Flatland

Appearing in Penarth: Helen FitzGerald; Louise Beech; Thomas Enger; Johana Gustawsson; Simone Buchholz; Antti Tuomainen; Michael J. Malone; Matt Wesolowski; Vanda Symon; Will Carver; Kjell Ola Dahl; West Camel; Matt Johnson

The Orenda Roadshow – London

Okay. So normally this would be a big old blather about how I have been really busy at work and doing a bit of reading and blah, blah, blah. Well not this week. This week I have barely been at work, I’ve hardly read any books but I have been really busy. Really busy enjoying the bookish life which in this case has led to book buyage and book listing for buyage now I am home. In fact, I have been that busy that this weeks round up post is being split into two pieces. Yes. I am going to bore you that much today. Lucky you right?

As you can see from the picture above, me and my sister spent an evening with the lovely ladies and gents of Orenda books on Wednesday night. Much like the Liverpool roadshow it was an absolutely brilliant night only this time there were no less than 15 authors there. Fifteen! From left to right (although hard to tell in this picture – I do have some slightly better ones too I promise) Gunnar Staalesen, Kjell Ola Dahl (finally know how to pronounce his name properly – yay), Michael J Malone, Sarah Stovell, Matt Wesolowski, Steph Broadribb, Kati Hiekkapelto, Thomas Enger (I believe in Leeds it is now tradition to insert an mmmm here…) Paul Hardisty, Louise Beech, Johana Gustawsson, Antti Tuomainen, Stanley Trollip (Michael Stanley), Ragnar Jónasson, Su Bristow and of course the lovely Karen Sullivan. (And you might not believe me but I actually spelled all of the above without having to look them up. Of course if there are typos, then you probably will believe me but I think they’re correct…)

Now not only were we treated to a bit of an introduction to each of these fabulous writers (I can’t believe the now Petrona Award Winning author Gunnar Staalesen has been writing for 40 years – seriously does not look old enough), but we were also treated to a reading from each of them from their latest novels too. I always love to hear an author read from their own work as I think it just adds to the whole experience, the nuances they bring to the reading as they are able to draw from the ultimate perspective and understanding which they created when the book was written – the voice of the character within their head. Absolutely brilliant each and every one, and some wicked humour from the crew as always. I suspect Karen truly has her hands full on these here roadshows.

All those books. Aren’t they pretty? Now I may have purchased one or two (or six) books on the night because, you know, I bought a copy of all of the books on the last roadshow so it seemed only polite to purchase the ones I was missing… When I had the pleasure of meeting Johana Gustawsson she told me that my review made her cry – in a good way – which was so wonderful to hear. I love that kind of feedback as it means I am actually doing something right. I don’t manage many things so have to celebrate the successes when they come. I then got a squiggle from Paul Hardisty who bowed down to me in thanks for my review. Perhaps a tad excessive 😉 but it did make me chuckle. At the end of the day, all I do is write what I think. They do the hard work in writing such a wonderful book in the first place.

My greatest fear in all of this, and any blogger/reviewer can tell you that it becomes infinitely more difficult the more perfect a book is, is that what I write will not do the book the justice it deserves. That I will not capture in words the depth of emotion and often sheer joy that I experience when reading the sometimes harrowing, often lyrical, simplistically and stylistically beautiful and yet always ultimately magical words that these authors pour onto each and every page.

I am no writer. This post alone should convince you of that fact. I am not someone who finds it easy to put emotions and feelings into words. I’m just an moderately literate, occasionally eloquent numpty with a book, a blog and a passion for reading. I lack the creativity, the ability and, hell, lets be honest, the vocabulary to write anything truly insightful. As I sit and stare at a blank document for half an hour trying to find the perfect first line, and more often than not failing, I end up descending into a long and incessant ramble, or as I like to think of it, spewing my thoughts onto the page. I try not to think about it too much and I try not to go back and tweak (I suck at editing too – can you tell 😉 ). I like to leave my review in pretty much its first draft because to me it needs to be organic. Raw. Often I have to write a review straight away because I need to capture the excitement that the book has created within me. Sometimes I wait a while, gathering my thoughts because I need that extra time to recover and reflect. Orenda books, more often than not, fall into the latter category. Because that is what the process of reading these books does to me. Makes me need to take time to reflect. Each and every one.

The books may differ greatly in tone, narrative style and ultimately content but each book has taken me on a wonderful journey, capturing and exploring landscapes and cultures that I am often unfamiliar with, but making them live and breathe. Making them feel so real to me that I could almost be there. Be it a war in Angola, a concentration camp from World War II, domestic noir, serious investigation, exploring environmental or socio-politcal issues, folklore or just a damned thrilling chase across six US states, the emotions that their words evoke are just… argh, so strong, so mentally and physically challenging at times that the book truly knocks you for six, but all ultimately just brilliant. If you haven’t ready any Orenda books yet then I urge you to pick one up and start now. There really is something for everyone in Orenda’s rapidly expanding catalogue and in my opinion, for what it’s worth, these are some of the best author’s out there right now.

And I am gutted to be honest. I have had the perfect opportunity over the last five days to tell these people how absolutely fabulous I think their work is. How much I appreciate the gift that they have given me in creating such varied and vibrant worlds for me to immerse myself in. And I bottled it. Mostly it was just a nod of the head and a kind of ‘alright? I really enjoyed your book.’ cut to awkward smile and then scuttle away quickly. So I can only hope that perhaps my reviews have done the books justice. That they do understand how much I really love their writing and how, if I had a little more courage and wasn’t such a tool, I would tell them that in person. But I don’t and I am. So I guess I’m kind of doing that now. Badly. In a sort of mad rambling kind of way. As you do. (Or at least I do…)

So mad ramblings aside, if my thoughts and comments haven’t tempted/convinced you to dive in to one of the books then perhaps some pretty covers will. And they truly are pretty 😉 Almost as pretty as the squiggles inside them 🙂

If you want to purchase any of the books from these guys then you can find the relevant links by selecting their name below.

Gunnar Staalesen | Kjell Ola Dahl | Michael J. Malone | Sarah Stovell

Matt Wesolowski | Steph Broadribb |  Kati Hiekkapelto | Thomas Enger

Paul E. Hardisty | Louise Beech | Johana Gustawsson

Antti Tuomainen | Michael Stanley | Ragnar Jónasson | Su Bristow

You can also check out all of Orenda Books’ other brilliant authors over at the website Orendabooks.co.uk

Ooh. And just to mention, I was lucky enough to pick up a sampler for two upcoming releases from Orenda. Snare by Lilja Sigurðardóttir which will be out in e-book in August and paperback in October, and The Man Who Died by Antti Tuomainen which is out in October. I’m really not sure what you can say about a chapter which opens with a line about a urine sample… 

…

If all of this sounds right up your street, make sure to book your tickets for one of this year’s events and join me, and many other eager readers, in spending a fabulous night of bookishness with some of the nicest authors on the circuit. Three weeks tomorrow!!! Can you believe it?

See you soon.

Jen

Orenda Roadshows 2020 – A Preview I can't believe it - conclusive proof (if it were actually needed) that I am a total tool I forgot London.

[operationrainfall]

Title Castlevania Anniversary Collection Developer Konami Publisher Konami Release Date May 16th, 2019 Genre Adventure, Platformer Platform Steam, Nintendo Switch, PS4, XBox One Age Rating T for Teen – Blood, Fantasy Violence, Partial Nudity Official Website

I wasn’t originally planning on reviewing the Castlevania Anniversary Collection. After all, I didn’t receive a review copy, and mostly bought it to satisfy my own nostalgia. But the more I played it, enjoying both reliving and experiencing anew highlights in this storied franchise, I decided I might as well write something. After all, I was already taking dozens upon dozens of screenshots. And despite only being a nominal fan of the Castlevania series, I felt I had some things to share. I say nominal because I only really got into the series when Symphony of the Night revolutionized the entire thing, and you’d be accurate in saying there’s a big difference between the original games and those which came after SOTN. Hell, before this I hadn’t even beaten any of the original NES games other than Dracula’s Curse, nor had I touched upon the Gameboy or Genesis entries. So I actually had a lot of work to do in order to write this review. The question is, did I come out of it with my fandom gloriously inflamed by the Collection? Or was it just a miserable pile of remakes?

I’m going to start out by explaining how this review is going to go, since it’s not often I review 8 games at once. This review will devote a few paragraphs to each game in the order I played them, along with plenty of pretty pictures. At the very end, I’ll touch upon the visual and audio presentation plus anything extra, and finish it up with my summarized thoughts. With that out of the way, let’s start my first foray into the Belmonts’ Gameboy mayhem with Castlevania The Adventure.

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It’s easy to think of portable iterations of any popular series as quick cash grabs, and I admit I didn’t expect much of anything from Castlevania the Adventure. Luckily, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Because while the classic Gameboy wasn’t capable of the visual feats of the NES, Konami seemed to take that as a challenge to pack as much awesome into this tiny adventure as possible. Though it only includes 4 levels, no doubt due to the limitations of said platform, they are each multi-tiered and full of challenging platforming and nasty beasts. There’s everything from Punaguchi (Bone Pillars) to Mudmen to what I assume must be the ancestors of Fleamen. While falling into bottomless pits was frustrating, it was made less so with the advent of save states. I actually stumbled upon that feature, discovering it was available for all the games in this Collection. I quickly grew to love its inclusion, since you can press ZL at any time to freeze the game, and then either save or load your progress. You might think that made things too easy, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Saving at the wrong time, such as when at low health or equipped with a bad sub-weapon, made things much harder, so I grew to time my saves carefully. They were a necessity, especially when facing challenges like instant death spike walls chasing me through levels. You’re welcome to play without any saves, but that should only be reserved for the most hardcore of fans.

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The bosses in this game were also surprisingly impressive. Though simplistic, they offered a robust challenge, especially the room full of Goblins (they’re really Fleamen) jumping out of holes. As for Dracula himself, being on the Gameboy didn’t sap any of his challenge. He managed to teleport all about hurling waves of fire at me, and as if that wasn’t enough, transformed into a giant, deadly bat for the final confrontation. I was really quite impressed by Castlevania the Adventure, but felt I needed a break from Gameboy graphics afterwards. And so, I decided next to try a game that just now officially made its stateside debut…

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I had actually heard a lot about Kid Dracula over the years, but there’s a big difference between hearing secondhand and playing firsthand. What I never could have guessed was how truly weird and innovative the game was. First off, while most Castlevania games are dark and brooding, this side story is light and cheery. You play the titular Kid Drac (not clear if he’s supposed to be a young Dracula or Alucard, but that’s not really important) on his quest to oust a pretender to his monster throne. That’s about as serious as things get, and I quickly was met with how absurd this game was.

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For one thing, every monster in this game is a cutesy and cartoony one. There are adorable little witches, goofy skeletons, cheerful bats and much more. But don’t let that fool you, this game is far from easy. If I had felt any guilt about using save states in Castlevania the Adventure, that completely left me here. Kid Dracula doesn’t really believe in checkpoints, so often if you get killed, it’s back to the very beginning of a stage. That’s made more difficult by the fact many of the bosses here are large threats who like to cheat. The most mellow is a happy ghost who looks creepily similar to a Klansman, and even he killed me a couple of times. Pretty much the only boss who won’t pose a challenge is the Statue of Liberty (no, you didn’t hear that wrong), since you just need to beat her quiz show to win the “battle”.

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What makes this game a treat though are all the weird combat conventions. Each time you beat one of the 9 stages, Kid Drac gets a new power which he can scroll through at will. If that sounds like Mega Man, just you wait. He can also charge all of his attacks by holding the attack button, though some of his fully charged powers double as new ways to traverse your environment, such as transforming into a bat or flipping onto the ceiling. Which is my way of saying that there’s a lot of complexity to the game, and no shortage of challenge. Turning into a bat didn’t keep me from dying dozens of times, and in a game with this many stages, you’d better be ready to die. The only thing at your disposal to earn more lives are the totally random minigames, such as guessing the color of dancing girl’s panties, stabbing a skeleton or various games of chance. If nothing else, Kid Dracula is worth playing just to see how full of deliciously crazy Japanese flavor it was. After beating it, I needed something a bit more grounded, so let’s return to the years of the Gameboy.

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Everything that impressed me about the original Gameboy outing was enhanced in Castlevania II: Belmont’s Revenge. It continues the story of Christopher Belmont, who was victorious, defeating Dracula in Castlevania The Adventure. But you can’t keep a good vampire down, and this story has the ghastly spirit of the Count take possession of Christopher’s son, Soleil Belmont. Symphony of the Night flashbacks aside, I was not expecting this much lore in the game. After all, the first one was pretty basic, but there’s some intense father / son drama in the game, not to mention the first true boss fight against a human in the series, serving as a progenitor for fights against the likes of Juste, Richter and Maxim later on.

One of the reasons I enjoyed Belmont’s Revenge was that it took all the things that were good about the first outing, and smoothed over the rough edges. Sure you can and still will die, but you have a bit more breathing room. And the bosses were wildly creative, in my opinion. You have an elemental wizard, a fight against two living statues, an armored demon, a creepy wall monster, a super difficult bone dragon, Dracula himself and even your son, Soleil. What gives you a fighting chance, unlike in Castlevania The Adventure, here you have access to a couple of sub-weapons – the axe and holy water. Being accustomed to the later games, I thought the water was the way to go, but to my great surprise, the axe was my go-to weapon of choice. Being able to hit things at odd angles was a constant life saver.

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As much as I loved most things about this game, there was one sticking point – the final bosses. The fight against Soleil was incredibly difficult, but not as tough as Dracula. Mostly because the good Count fired rotating balls of death, and finding a safe place to avoid them required much patience on my part. The only upside is this time there was only one phase to the Dracula fight, so it wasn’t impossible. Overall though, this was the better of the portable entries included in the Collection. Next up, we’ll go back to where it all started on the NES.

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There’s a reason I took my time getting to the original Castlevania, and that reason is simple – fear. I worried I wouldn’t be up to the task of tackling the game that started it all without the modern conventions I’ve grown accustomed to. You can’t level up and you’re totally reliant on timing and having the right sub-weapon equipped. I also was concerned the platforming would be too much for me. Thankfully, those fears were mostly unfounded. Sure, the original game is hard, but it also has some sections that are surprisingly easy. Furthermore, most of the bosses in the game are a cakewalk, with the notable exceptions of Death and Dracula, who are both unrelenting bastards.

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I learned a lot of lessons after playing the first Castlevania. First off, I learned Dracula’s design has changed wildly over the years. I always thought of him as the dapper caped gentleman with long hair, but here he looks far more ghastly and demonic (and that’s before he transforms). I also learned that the bad writing for the plot isn’t a bug, but a series feature. And that Fleamen are horrible in any game, but doubly so when you have limited evasive movement. And lastly I discovered that some of the most iconic bosses, such as Medusa and the Mummy, start out as pushovers. There are also weird discrepancies, such as Dracula’s fireballs having homing capability. That said, I had a lot more fun with the first game than I expected. But after all that retro, I wanted something a bit more updated, so I moved on with Super Castlevania IV.

Head to the SNES on Page 2 ->

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Some games transitioned to the SNES with flair, and Super Castlevania IV is certainly one of those games. They took everything that made the series iconic and seasoned it with a bunch more spice. This was the first game in the series where you could whip in multiple directions, as well as fling your whip around to block projectiles. You could also swing across gaps with it, a feature I think should have shown up in more games. But what I loved most about this entry was how huge it was. They jam packed content into this, and when I thought I was almost done, I was barely at the halfway mark.

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The experimental nature of the game was fantastic, and I loved how it really took chances with different ideas. They used Mode 7 graphics for crazy rotations and things like giant chandeliers you could stand upon. They also made it really feel like a Castlevania with lots of opportunities for a cheap death. That happened a ton in the Clock Tower, and I died several times fighting against the Mummy atop giant clock hands. They even took foes I thought of as weak in later entries like SOTN and made them a true threat. Namely, the ghostly dancers are a force to be reckoned with here. When they turned invisible and started attacking me, I nearly lost my composure. And as weak as Slogra and Gaibon were later, they were an impressive challenge here.

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Perhaps the best part of this game was the final path to Dracula. While the fight against Dracula himself isn’t my favorite in the series, it’s plenty challenging. And considering you have to brave a gauntlet of foes like Death and others to get there, it feels suitably epic. I already liked Super Castlevania IV from playing it years back on my Wii U, but after finally beating it here, it’s easily become one of my favorite entries in the long running series. So of course, my next game was one that has gotten a ton of praise as well.

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Dracula’s Curse is iconic in the Castlevania fandom, and it’s not hard to understand why. Not only did it introduce multiple characters and branching paths, it also had tight gameplay and the challenge fans have come to expect. Hell, the recently released Netflix series was heavily influenced by this game, and that wowed us fans. I had played a little of Dracula’s Curse on my 3DS, but I got frustrated by some of the bosses and hadn’t picked it up afterwards. So I figured now was as good a time as any to try again.

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Whereas the original Castlevania featured Simon Belmont, this one took place several hundred years earlier. As such, it made sense to focus on his ancestor Trevor. The curveball were the 3 other characters – Sypha, Grant and Alucard. All three have totally unique play styles and offer interesting ways to explore. That goes triple for Grant, who can hop around like a heroic Fleaman. I daresay that Symphony of the Night wouldn’t have existed without this game, and for that, I love it even more. That said, there is one thing about this game that really irritated me. Sometimes when you kill an enemy, they will drop a random sub-weapon, which I think is a feature exclusive to this game. Sounds great, except it often happens in the heat of the moment and usually gives you a sub-weapon you really don’t want. I can’t count the number of times I reloaded my save to avoid getting a shitty weapon.

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The bosses in Castlevania III: Dracula’s Curse are pretty tough, and the fact that you can take a variety of paths through the game makes things interesting. While they toned down some bosses, there are plenty that will cause you grief. One is the recurring Cyclops boss, another is a fight against an evil spirit who possesses multiple monsters to kill you. Even though they mellowed out Death from the first game, he also has a second, horrific form. And while I wasn’t a huge fan of the Dracula fight in Super Castlevania IV, the one here is fantastic. I can’t say I understand why he turns from a Count into a monstrous amalgamation of brains and then an angry bird statue, but the creativity and challenge impressed the hell out of me. Frankly, we’re lucky we got this game, since the one that preceded it was highly controversial. And that one’s up next.

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I’m gonna be perfectly frank, I considered skipping Simon’s Quest. While you hear nothing but good things about Castlevania III, II is the polar opposite. It’s confusing, awkwardly written and somewhat psychotic. And yet, the more I played it, the more I found weird little charming features. For one thing, the music in this game is still amazing, no matter how much of a mess everything else is. For another, aspects like leveling up and equipping items got introduced here, and without those, I never would have gotten my first Metroidvania. They introduced Churches to fully heal you here. Also, the day / night cycle was actually really cleverly used, and it made sense Dracula’s minions were more powerful at night. So much so that I kind of wish it had made it into other games, not counting the stupid N64 entries.

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With all those nice things out of the way, let’s move onto the messy bits. First and foremost, you really can’t beat this game without a guide. Or you can, but it takes blind luck and infinite patience. I am not a fan of either, so I found a guide and got playing. There’s so much that would have been improved with just a bit more clarity in this game such as what equipped items do, clear hints on where to go next etc. And this may sound like an odd critique, but I wanted more bosses in this game. There’s a total of three, including the big bat himself. That is starkly less than any other game in the series, even the Gameboy adventures.

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They also complicated things with tons of hidden items and invisible platforms. I cannot count how many times I fell through the floor, but it was definitely more than a dozen. The game seemed to delight in pulling the rug out from under us players. Especially with regard to things like kneeling to make tornadoes appear or water levels recede. It’s bonkers this game didn’t kill the entire series, charming quirks notwithstanding. But I am glad I finally got through it, doubly so cause it let me save the best for last – Castlevania Bloodlines!

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Not to immediately contradict myself, but Bloodlines wasn’t quite my favorite game in this Collection. It did come damned close though. With just a few improvements, it would have easily claimed that title. See, I grew up playing video games, but I never owned a Sega Genesis. I had a Game Gear, but that wasn’t the same thing. So I missed out on games like this when they originally released. Which is a shame, since Bloodlines had heart and creativity to spare. Not only did it expand the Castlevania universe in big ways with two playable characters, it also took the series into modern times. That’s quite cool, and part of the reason I was so impressed by this entry. Another reason was the gameplay.

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This might sound odd, but in many ways Bloodlines almost doesn’t remind me of a Castlevania game. For one thing, it’s significantly faster than the other games. Both you and your foes react quicker and have less wind-up time, which in part caused me to get burned alive by Bone Pillars on many occasions until I acclimated. For another, it is far less focused on platforming hell than other entries. And while there is the usual gothic influence here, it just feels different. In a weird way, this almost reminded me more of a Contra game. But that’s far from a bad thing, and some of the unusual foes caught my attention, such as Minotaurs and swinging plant monsters.

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As you span the globe in Bloodlines, going from Greece to France, you’ll face some really eclectic bosses and even mini-bosses. One of the weirdest ones is a pile of living gears that attacks you in Germany. An especially interesting one is a floating, ethereal maiden who transforms into a hideous moth. And the fight against Death himself is especially clever, involving Tarot cards that force you into fighting older bosses a second time. Sadly, the fight against Countess Bartley herself is a bit underwhelming, and so is the fight against Dracula. But all in all, there’s a lot more great stuff than bad stuff here. Plus, with two playable characters, you have an excuse to play through more than once to enjoy all the sights and sounds. My only real complaint about the game is how short it is, sitting at only 6 stages.

It wouldn’t be fair to talk about any collection without discussing the controls. Thankfully, I found all the controls tight and responsive. Once you get them down, you’ll be ready for each subsequent game, other than Bloodlines. That efficiency also applies to the aforementioned options. It’s handy and quick to save and load the game, as well as check the controls at any time. I didn’t really play with the other visual filters, but there’s plenty if you’re interested.

While I won’t cover the aesthetics for each of the 8 included games, I will discuss the art for the series on the whole. It’s my opinion that Castlevania started out great and only got better with age. You’d think the NES games would look ugly and blocky now, but the game has always had tons of personality and conveyed dark themes well. That’s in large part due to the color palette, which has lots of browns, reds, blacks and other dark colors, such as dark blue and forest green. Whenever they had more to work with, they managed to improve things dramatically, such as the huge character sprites in Super Castlevania IV or the complex visual effects such as bleeding fountains in Bloodlines. And perhaps one of the things I love most about the series are all the great monsters. Ranging from bone tossing skeletons to hulking Axe Knights to floating Medusa heads, there’s a ton of diversity on display. Some of the more eye catching visual effects were swinging from your whip, rotating chambers, shifting towers and even a cool mirrored effect at the end of Bloodlines. Hell, even the Gameboy games were visually appealing, and they only had two colors to work with. If I wasn’t already impressed with the art in the series, I certainly am after playing through all 8 of these games.

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Musically, this series is even more impressive. Even when they only had a few tones to work with, they managed to orchestrate complex melodies. The tunes range from hard rocking to gothic songs, and everything else in between. While there are the more iconic tracks like Bloody Tears, Theme of Simon, Vampire Killer and Wicked Child, I also liked some of the lesser known stuff. From the Gameboy games, I was fond of New Messiah and Revenge. From NES, I enjoyed Mad Forest and Silence of Daylight. From SNES, I really was impressed by both The Library and Treasury, while from Genesis, Iron-Blue Intention and The Discolored Wall stuck with me. As for Kid Dracula, the music there was totally unlike everything else, being cheerful and upbeat. A good example of which is Hop and Step Above the Clouds.

As much as I enjoyed the Castlevania Anniversary Collection, there were a couple glitches and one letdown. One glitch occurred when I exited from Simon’s Quest. When I returned to the game select screen, there was a loud static sound that muted all the music. Thankfully, restarting my game seemed to fix that. Another happened during the original Castlevania in the underground grotto level. It was a loud, recurring ding sound not unlike the ticking of a clock. Once I got past that level, it never returned, but it is worth noting. The more serious concern I had was that this collection inexplicably doesn’t have a music select which seems odd, for a couple reasons. For one, Castlevania is known for the tremendous music. For another, there is a companion called Book of the Crescent Moon, full of interviews, strange secrets and behind the scenes looks into the development process, as well as some great sketch art. While you can certainly hear all the wonderful songs while you play the game, this game absolutely deserved a way to listen to them at your leisure.

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Honestly for $19.99, it’s hard to go wrong with the Castlevania Anniversary Collection. It’s packed with great retro gaming, easily 10+ hours worth, and tons of lore about the series. It should put a smile on the faces of many fans. I definitely feel like more of a true fan after playing it, and gained new appreciation for what Konami accomplished back in their glory days. Unfortunately, due to the aforementioned glitches and frankly inexcusable lack of a music select, I couldn’t give this a perfect score like I wanted. But if you’re a fan, old or new, of Castlevania and want a handy collection on any current console, you have plenty to sink your teeth into with this.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4″]

Review Copy Purchased by Author

REVIEW: Castlevania Anniversary Collection Title Castlevania Anniversary Collection

[spiderfan22]

DAY THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-ONE - 2/20/19

“SIDES - SCENE ONE (REVISED)” by DJS

Hello. Back again. Sorry for the delay, but the weather has been awful and the only place I can write right now is the library because I don’t have a computer at the moment and the snow made getting around pretty difficult for a couple weeks. But I’m back with a revised version of Scene One from the new play. The scene needed to be longer and the characters more developed. You will notice they have new names as well. I feel pretty good about going forward. The base is established.

So...

1.      The waiting room of a casting office in Los Angeles.

Nita and Mary Kerry.

MARY KERRY         So do you have an agent? Do you have an agent yet?

NITA                    No. I mean. I mean we’re on the lookout of course but, we also just got here so. Why? Do you think we should be trying harder? I guess how important is it?

MARY KERRY   Extremely you’ll find. Yes. Especially starting out. More as a filter than anything, you know? And to open doors. One of the mistakes people make when they first get out here is just they say yes to anything, anything put on the table. But the trick, you have to be more picky than that, pickier, you see? Even at this stage of the game, this early on, you have to learn to be discerning.

NITA                    Sure -

MARY KERRY   I mean you think the big stars just took whatever was handed to them, whatever came along, no questions asked? No, not even right out of the gate. Because being able to choose projects, having that, is half the thing, it’s half the game. It’s how you establish yourself, says more than – That’s why the most often repeated phrase you hear, you ever watch any interview with one of the A-listers and you will hear them, what they call always talk about, It’s all about the script, what it comes down to. Good actors are attracted to good material simple as that. Even in sitcoms. You may think it’s, you know, it’s fluff or just for kids, you know, some of these shows, because they seem simplistic, they seem dumbed down, you know for mass audiences and such.  But there is, there is a difference. And it makes a difference. I can’t stress this enough. And agents can help you sort that.

NITA                    How long did it take you?

MARY KERRY   How long did it take me? How long did it take us? To find an agent you mean? Oh well, we, we already had one didn’t we, before we even came out. Wouldn’t have been much point other - No it would have been pointless, I wouldn’t have moved halfway across the, gone to the trouble. I mean what would have been the point, it would be a waste of time. I networked, you see, the internet, chatrooms, made all sorts of contacts before even thinking about – That’s important too –

NITA                    What is, sorry?

MARY KERRY   You. You have to be very comfortable just putting yourself out there. It’s embarrassing. It can be but, at first but. This isn’t a town for wallflowers, you know, shrinking… Shrinking types. Non-confrontational. But you get it, or you hope to you know develop those. Because it’s a skill. I don’t know, do you know what I’m saying? You have to be aggressive is the main – just like on the freeway. You give an inch, let, let - and the business, the people, at the studios, you know, the higher ups, they will, they will take. No, that’s not right. They won’t, they won’t take, because they won’t take. They just won’t have anything to do with you. They won’t take you seriously in the first place, not unless you can match them somehow, match their, you know. They can smell, smell weakness, smell if you’re weak, like an animal and its prey. I don’t mean to scare you, I mean – but you should also know what you’re out for. It’s part of, it’s the big reason they’re where they are in the first place. Because no one gives anything to anyone they first don’t respect - at least respect. You have to be your child’s biggest advocate on this front, you know? Because who else, who else is gonna?

Of course you’ll hear, you can’t escape it, like it’s a dirty word -

NITA  What?

MARY KERRY         Oh just the whole “stage mom” thing, you know.

NITA  Oh, is that – does that happen really?

MARY KERRY   Constantly. Constant – But you have to get over, you have to get passed, don’t let it. Because they think it’s psychological. They think what you’re doing you’re doing out of some kind of, I don’t – Like you’re projecting. Right? That you, you want the spotlight for yourself and this is some misdirected uh. But that’s - what is that?? What is that but ignorance, hmm? No, that’s an excuse. Because what they really, they really just don’t want to have to deal with you. Because you make life just a bit more, you throw a wrench in just by – by existing for them. Because you’re not just going to roll over and let them do whatever - whatever, you know… Like they’re used to. Because they think by their position, you know, they have something you, something up on you. The high ground, they “hold the keys” so to speak, they can make things happen or not, not happen. Which they, you know technically, they can, they do, you can’t deny they do, and there’s no getting around that aspect of the, they either give you the job or - So a certain level of respect, of lip service if you want to, still has to be umm. But you don’t have to be a pushover either because don’t forget if they offer you the job that means you’re worth something to them. You have value. It’s a market place and now suddenly you’re a commodity, to them, which means you have bargaining power. It’s just that line, right? Between being assertive and. Well not to, you know – but a bitch, OK? Not being seen as… as that so much. Too pushy, you know, I don’t - It’s a skill, like anything else, you learn, right? Well, you either learn or you, you, if you’re lucky I guess you’re born with it. I guess. I mean me -

But I can’t stress this enough. These people? Lesson one if you learn nothing else: They’re successful and powerful for a reason. OK? So respect, it has to be, you know the, the. First thing with them.

Pause.

MARY KERRY   It’s a lot. Try to breathe.

NITA                    I am. Just –

MARY KERRY   I know. I know. Right? Everybody. Everyone feels that, um, when they’re first starting out. Just the question of, of, will it happen, will it happen for me, will the dice, you know, are they gonna fall? Is luck going to. Because so much of it is, it is up to luck. It’s hard to see the forest from the. So there’s a lot to learn and - Jesus, just to adapt to. Especially if you don’t, if you come all the way out here with no real, no clue, no plan, or…

                             Not that that’s you, not that I’m saying that’s you. I mean I’m sure you had some idea, some, before coming out, otherwise why, you know, why the risk? It’s not worth it. But some of these other parents you see. The first mistake - and this is, it’s gonna sound harsh, it is harsh, is but - but the first mistake they make is thinking their child, however cute, however, you know, precocious, whatever, is thinking they have any, any real talent in the first place. I’m sorry but if that makes me a bad person, mean, to say it, I don’t – I don’t care. I can’t care. Because it’s a competition. And the sooner others are weeded out – well, not “weeded out”, weeded out, but as soon as reality, you know, comes to, comes a’callin’ for these – Not that, I’m sure they’re well-meaning and everything, loving, parents, but what do you want? What do you want, honestly, the truth or - ? The truth is the truth, and the truth isn’t always – it ain’t pretty, it can be a bitter pill sometimes, as we know. And also, also, because it’s that whole thing of being a big fish in a small pond is true. There’s just a difference of level out here. Expectation.

When Merritt – OK, if you want to know, if you want proof. When Merritt got his first big national spot, commercial you know, let’s just say it didn’t come as a surprise. We knew. We knew. We knew something was going to, that he was going to hit, it was only a matter of time, something was going to break his way. So it was just a waiting game really. And that’s not bragging. And it’s not the stars, you know, the stars align, or whatever, luck, it’s not luck – it’s just reality. You, you have to think of your child’s career as a trajectory, right, like a graph, you know what I mean? That keeps, it keeps going up and up, and up, with no stop, no ceiling. This is what our agent says, he says this all the time. He calls it his mantra. Mantra of fame. And he’s not, you know, blowing smoke up our butts if that’s what you. - Because genuinely he believes in, well, in Merritt in this case, in his talent, you know, his potential. And that, yes, that means his financial potential too, his money-earning, his ability. That’s just, that’s the name of the game, the bottom line you don’t get around. I mean everyone wants a return on their investment.

But getting back to the - Every role they land you have to imagine is a dot on that graph, going up and up, upwards to - First commercials, local spots, then national, you know, building the profile. Then a guest spot on a series. Hopefully something really popular for the exposure, Then you make series regular, if not the same show then a pilot for a new. Then if everything works out, in time, then you make the jump to features. Very rarely does it not happen in that – because there’s a science to how these things, an order, how they -

Though, Merritt. Merritt is sort of bucking the whole system, the whole trend of just. Just with the interest, you know, he’s been getting. The roles he’s being asked to come in for, to read for, some really high profile. Which is exciting.

Nita looks at her.

                             Do you have an acting coach?

NITA                    No. I mean, back at home at school -

MARY KERRY   No offense but that’s a - we’re not even talking about the same leagues. School plays, you know, community theater, that whole – Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, it’s a great starting point, to assess you know whether - but you really do need a professional, time to up that game. I have some people I can refer you. They’re not cheap and their schedules usually fill up because they’re so in demand but, I mean these are people who are in the industry, established. Also a voice coach to speak clearly and annunciate. Does your – sorry I forget his name.

NITA                    Oh no, that’s – It’s Tyler.

MARY KERRY   Tyler right yes. Does he sing?

NITA                    Well. For fun, you know. In the car, to the radio.

MARY KERRY   But he can carry a tune? I only ask because that’s really, that’s becoming more and more a thing, an expectation, right, so many roles now call for at least some musical – I mean where if you aren’t it’s like a non-starter, end of conversation, “thank you don’t call us we’ll call you.” Because it’s a waste of time. What do they call it, a triple-threat? Yeah, singing, dancing. I’m serious they won’t even see you, they won’t even have you come in, because why? So basically, with that mindset in mind, if you’re not at an audition, you know, if you’re not actively, actively auditioning, and of course if you’re not on a job, then you must need be in some kind of, doing some kind of training is my point. But only one on one lessons, trust me. Groups, classes, they’re great for making friends but if you’re really, if you’re serious, then it’s just a waste of time, not to mention a waste of money. Children, the serious ones, if you’re dedicated, they’ll just get nothing out of, because they need that personal level of attention, you know, otherwise what’s the point?

Pause.

                             Actually can I ask you something and please don’t take it the wrong way?

NITA                    Um –

MARY KERRY   Sorry, this isn’t an attack. Or not an attack, not an attack-attack, you know, but it might sound like a, well like an accusation, but really I promise I don’t bite.

NITA                    No, go ahead, sure. I didn’t think that any -

MARY KERRY   How did you find out about this audition?

Nita opens her mouth but then doesn’t say anything.

                             And again this is not an accusation in any manner. But you said you didn’t have an agent yet, so I was just curious, you know, if that’s true that you don’t have an agent, about how you heard about it then.

NITA                    Yeah. No problem. I just, got an email.

MARY KERRY   An email, that was it?

NITA                    Yes.

MARY KERRY   An email that said what?

NITA                    Just the time, the location, where to go. Oh and the script, you know, the dialogue they want to -

MARY KERRY   Sides.

NITA                    To memorize, yes. Those.

MARY KERRY   They’re called sides.

NITA                    Right, yeah, sorry. It’s still all so, learning the lingo -

MARY KERRY   It’s OK. No. And who was this email from if you don’t mind me - I mean I’m just asking out of curious, I’m just asking.

NITA                    Just someone we met, you know. Since we got here.

MARY KERRY   Someone you -

                             Wow, that’s lucky. That’s - Someone you just met.

Well that’s luck for you I guess.

NITA  Yeah it is, it’s lucky.

MARY KERRY         Beginners, right? Beginners luck.

Pause. Mary Kerry looks at Nita. Seems to study her. Smiles.

MARY KERRY   Do you mind if ask just one more thing? It’s really more of a suggestion than anything -

NITA  No, go ahead.  

MARY KERRY   Great and promise to not be offended, but how attached are you to that name?

NITA                    What name? You mean, you mean Tyler? Um -

MARY KERRY   Yes. Tyler. Just as name’s go, and don’t please think I’m being rude here, this is just friendly, you know, friendly advice – from one person in the trenches to, one parent to another, but. It’s just not that memorable, you know? It’s just sort of… (makes gesture like “blah”) I mean Tyler, it doesn’t pop, it doesn’t… stand out -

NITA                    I, yes, I -

MARY KERRY   You’re not offended are you? This is free career advice -

NITA                    No. No. Thank you.

MARY KERRY   You may just want to think about changing it.

[joshuabradleyn]

Why Diets Can Never Work

As the writer of a popular fitness blog I get emailed almost every day by people asking what diet to use, why their diet does not work, and especially why everyone seems to gain after they stop their diet. Well the simple answer is that diets just can’t ever work.

OK, to stem the risk of seeming a little crazy (I have in fact given positive review of a couple of diets) I will expand on the simplistic so that you can know why a diet will never work and what will work.

Diets can never work because they are only temporary. How many of us have been awed by the loss of a coworker that was on Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig or Atkins? Of course after the came back on we did not congratulate them on the return of their old habits but it was in fact the old habits that came back to roost.

The life of a diet

There is always a sense of excitement when someone starts a new diet. It is like any other lifestyle change in that when we begin a diet we like to look at our perfect selves in the future instead of the warts and all that we live with now. The first few weeks on the diet are full of small victories, a pant size here, 5 pounds there and eventually we not only take pride in our loss but actually identify ourselves with losing weight. The trouble is you can not sacrifice forever and eventually you have to stop losing and oh yeah maybe the people in the office are not really asking to much about the exciting new diet anymore.

Eventually the diet ends. We have either reached a goal , stopped sacrificing or just given up. Lets for example say that the ultimate happens. You hit your goal ! Well now all of the stars have aligned and you feel great about yourself, have pride and a feeling of accomplishment and eventually go to bed. What happens tomorrow.

I will tell you what happens tomorrow, far to often the old habits creep in. After the initial goal there is nothing left and you get tired of sacrificing. You eat a couple of candies ( you lost all that of course you deserve it). You start going out with the people from work in the evening, eat a bit of a bigger lunch and then before you know it you are up 5 pounds, then 10 and then you feel like a loser for not keeping things up but the habits are already headed in the wrong direction.

Enough of the crappy story.

I told you that I would tell you what will work and after all that I know you want to know it before you get to the all magical goal .

What can you do to make a diet work?

The fact is that a diet is not nearly enough, all a diet is to your body is a phase that will eventually end. What you really need is a lifestyle change. Eating better is good but just losing and feeling better is not enough. When the chocolate is calling you need a bigger and deeper reason to keep to the rules that you have. In fact what are your rules?

This is the first big part of successful lifelong loss, what do you feel is important? What is the role of food in your life? What are the rules that you have in the food arena? What are the foods that you just do not want to eat anymore? Remember that once you finish your loss all of those foods that you are denying yourself will expect to be back in your diet. You can not banish foods forever, but, you can just decide that these foods are no longer going to be important.

The next big part of your life will be your relationship to exercise. We all know that we need to exercise but if the diet is going well and we can avoid the exercise then many of us will skip it altogether. What you really need is a goal based exercise program. I can not think of anything worse than knowing that you have to exercise for 30 minutes a day for the rest of your life. A better way to do exercise is to make it a social event. Join a walking club, get a squash team together, join an online forum that talks about successes in exercise. If you are only looking at exercise as an important chore to losing then once you have lost the there will be no reason to continue and guess what, you won’t continue. So just like the food it will be important for you to make sure that the value of your exercise is internalized an important lifestyle choice so that after the day you reach your goal there will be no decision the exercise has just become a part of your life.

The time to act is now

No matter where you are at in the cycle of dieting, just starting, almost though, at your goal or, on the other side with your moving up, it is important for you to decide on the role and value of diet and exercise that will carry you for the rest of your life and not just until you hit your goal .

The post Why Diets Can Never Work appeared first on Fitness Tips for Life.

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