#but it'd also be really stressful because he gets really fucking mean when he's bored or tired

[mothbaaalls]

GASP

THEY'RE DOING MY FAVORITE LITTER PICKUP EVENT IN THE FALL *AND* SPRING THIS YEAR

[goldengay00]

So my town’s library has a old ass game rental section and I saw a Wii game called the Michael Jackson Experience and me being me (gay and adhd-ridden) I thought “haha michael jackson wii game... Illuso would like that.”

Then I got home, and I was bored, so here is this bullshit: La Squadra’s favorite Wii Games and some other random bs because I have a problem. (Might do Bucci gang and Unità Speciale in the future if I feel like it)

Risotto: Guitar Hero: Metallica

I mean.

Come on... What else would it be

In all realness, I think he'd actually like Guitar Hero

Formaggio probably got him to play it and he ended up enjoying it

Completely straight faced while he plays, unblinking and unmoving other than his hands and arms

Doesn't play often

Prosciutto: Wii Chest

He simply refuses to play an actual game

Has better things to do with his life

So confused when Risotto first brought it in randomly

"Ris what the fuck is a wii"

Hasn't truly played a single console game in his damn life and isn't keen on changing that, usually sitting out to just watch on game night

Pesci: Endless Ocean

You'd think it'd be one of the Wii's fishing games, but he can fish all he wants in real life, so he actually finds himself playing this a lot more

Very wholesome

Doesn't play often however, he likes watching others instead– Especially Ghiaccio and Gelato

Formaggio: Rabbids Go Home

Simply found it stupid

Says it's a joke

Isn't sure if it's a joke anymore

Also enjoys Wii Sports Resort, and he's weirdly good at pretty much all of the games

Anywho his Rabbid is horrid looking

Like what the fuck did you do to it

It's not offensive or anything, just...

Horrific.

Illuso: The Michael Jackson Experience

The reason I made this stupid lil thing

Gelato gave it to him as a joke

And he... actually really liked it

It's basically just a Michael Jackson version of Just Dance, so it's not just a him thing, others play with him quite a bit

Absolutely shows off. He slays so hard and has no shame

He probably 100%ed the game within a week

Melone: Trauma Team

I feel like he'd like visual novel games

Combine that with a partially human anatomy centered plot (in this case a hospital) and what's not to like for him

Wasn't big on it at first since he knows the Wii isn't the best console

Pleasantly surprised, however– actually wasn't bad.

This shit probably sent him down a Sega Visual Novel rabbithole– He has a crippling love for the Persona series

Ghiaccio: Kirby's Epic Yarn

Hear me out

He'd rather die than admit it but he actually loves Kirby

The game isn't too hard for him so he's not too stressed while playing it

The artstyle is also just,, so cute. How could he not love this shit

Sometimes he'll let someone else play with him, usually Pesci or Melone

He's broken two wii remotes now because of Formaggio and Wii Sports Resort

(Replaced both of them, though)

Gelato: Rayman Origins

Played the first game as a kid and is a sucker for nostalgia

He can and will fight you if you insult his beloved childhood series

They're like, also the only games he plays unless the others want him to play some party game or something.

Rayman might've been his gay awakening and he isn't sure how to feel about it

He does not care who plays with him if you ask to play this stupid lil game with him he'll literally get so excited

It is very possible Sorbet is jealous of this fictional character

Sorbet: Sam & Max: Season One

Probably liked the comics a lot

He isn't a gamer really. He isn't even really good at the game– but he doesn't give a shit because he likes Sam and Max

He played Babysitting Mama as a joke because Gelato brought it home once

Somehow hates babies even more than he already did because of it (Gelato is not getting kids, fuck that)

Only got more pissed when Melone gold medaled the game with ease

May have been the reason they no longer own Babysitting Mama

[mavisartstuff]

Someone asked about it, so here's some context! I'm gonna split the hcs about the au into characters and story so it'd be a bit easier -

Billy

Billy in this au is in college. He's there there so he could be an actor! Now technically you probably don't need a degree to become one, but he really just kinda said fuck it and went to get one anyway.

He did it end up starting it a bit late due to some family issues.

He still makes fun of Romeo and Juliet. So far that he still goes "I should've been Juliet!" Bet you could hear some of the sorority girls roll their eyes at his rant about the movie. He rants about it anytime you mention it to the man

Jess do be his bestie even though he makes fun of her accent- He usually gets told off by Barb since he for some reason has one like a British professor

He can weirdly mimick anything he hears perfectly. Claude? He's got you. Anyone in the sorority house? Yep. He can do that. Which is why everyone in the house thinks he has a promising career up ahead of him

Claude only hangs around Billy. No one knows why. That's why he's termed as the "cat king". Also because he'd come back with cat fur all over his sweater

He's tired asf but still fabulous

He's also basically friends with everyone in the sorority house due to just being really social. Though he does have those days where he's just like "go away :(". This mainly happens when he's stressed or just not feeling it that day

He's actually pretty smart since he'll just start analyzing anything he randomly takes In interest in. The girls usually ask for help or just borrow a note sheet he might've written notes on. Though sometimes it's not helpful since 1. It could be about anything and 2. He absolutely hates it if you go through his stuff. So you'd have to ask him for one

Maarten (or our moaner in this case)

Now this man is tall. Very tall. No one knows how he's managed to walk around and about In the attic. If you include his flip outs as well. But man he's pretty stealthy

How did a Dutch man get all the way in Canada on his own? No one knows

He's obviously pretty paranoid. Just even the thought of being spotted makes him freak out a bit

His calls are just like the original Billy's. But he will up the anti If he so ever feels like you're not effected by It. He'll even alter It a bit if you tell him that you're a guy

Instead of his past being like Billy's however, his is more so has violence. Which is where the line "You violent little shit!" comes from.

Has stolen Claude away for a bit. Usually whenever he feels cold. Otherwise he let's Claude go if the fella wants out of the attic

has a lot of bandages due to accidentally hurting himself up in that attic. Smashing glass, falling asleep on the floor on his arm, anything.

He tends to sing a lot. He only does it when he's the only one at the house of course

unlike Billy, he will respond If you start questioning a bit. As in he gets worse

Story (giving everyone a lil tidbit!) Tw for cussing and Maarten overall being deranged- If you've heard the Billy phone calls you'd know what I mean

-The party had been pretty boring for Billy. Of course it was fun discussing stuff with everyone, but once the girls started bringing up their boyfriend's.. He just got pretty bored. He sat on the couch with Claude in his lap. Claude was vibrating. Of course he was just happy to get attention. Billy on the other hand had been zoning out. He wanted to go up to his room. But if he did he'd certainly be asked about It In the morning. He sighed. He hoped something eventful would happen. Or for the party to just end already. But to his surprise, It's like his prayer for something eventful had been answered. Not in the way he thought though.

The phone rang. Billy's brain perked at the ringing. Someone calling this late? Who could it be? He carefully removed king Claude from his lap and got up. He walked up to the table holding that phone. He answered the phone in his usual happy voice. "Helloo?" Oh, the insanity that phone call was. It started out with noises. Random noises. Laughter. Pig oinks. The girls had gathered around at that point. Finally, the man on the other end had finally said something at least understandable to hear. "Let me lick It, lick it! Let me lick your pretty piggy cunt" Followed by laughter and repeating of what he'd just said previously. Billy just laughed a bit. "I mean.. I'd be down if you go for guys" Billy said jokingly. The horror in the girls eyes when Billy said that. Billy was used to these prank calls. Hell, he's watched past friends make them. That was his usual response to said call. Everyone hoped the man on the other end would stop. But.. He didn't. "Oh? You want my juicy cock anyway? Or do you want me to beat you senseless?"

Billy felt himself go cold. "E-Excuse me?" Billy asked nervously. It's been awhile since he's had to deal with... Threats. The look of horror just grew on the rest of the girls faces. "Yeah! So you want me to? Huh? You filthy fuck?!" The man on the other end asked ever so tauntingly. Barb rolled her eye's and took the phone. "How about you go somewhere else for whatever the fuck you're on about" She hissed. His taunting didn't stop. "How about you suck-" Before then, Barb had interrupted him. "Oh go stick your dick in an electrical outlet and see If that gives you a charge" The girls laughed a bit at that. Billy giggled quietly. But he still had a nervous smile on his face. There was a short silence on the other end. "I'm going to kill you" The man on the other end said before hanging up. The way he said that was.. Frightening. So.. Normal. Before that the man had been speaking in different voices. Barb at that point just put it back. Of course as usual, an argument had started after a few bickering. With Claire leaving the room to get packed In the end. Billy at that point nervously sat on the couch.

Jess took note of It. She leaned down a bit. "You should probably head to bed.. You look tired. Especially after hearing that" She whispered. "Thank you.." Billy thanked before getting up. He started heading up the stairs. Of course, Claude noticed and followed. Billy started thinking. He remembered talking to a man about his missing brother. Could that be him?.. It was impossible. The guy he was told about disappeared at the age of fourteen. All the way In the Netherlands mind you. He just couldn't think that he'd somehow get all the way here. As he thought this he'd finally made it to his room. He let Claude in before closing his door. He walked over to the bed and laid down. Claude jumped on his chest immediately. Billy was used to that. He sat there. Creaking came from the ceiling above him. He started getting nervous again. Only to reinsure himself that the attic was old.. No one could get up there without being caught. He still couldn't shake off the feeling of being watched though....

[syubub]

How BTS flirt

Saucy disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!!

Lol this is gonna be a fun one so buckle up and hold on to your socks

Seokjin

Lol oki

I think there's two types of jinnie flirting. Casual fun flirting and flirting because he's actually intrested

When he is actually intrested in someone and is trying to flirt its kinda slow moving and not very obvious

Its little things like, "your hair looks really nice today"

Things that are complements but he means it in a flirty way

He'd probably get a bit frustrated bc his flirting tactics are too subtle

I think he would also flirt by showing things he's intrested or possibly things that he's gathered

Kinda like a peacock

He wants the person he's flirting with to know that he's cool and show them what he has to offer but doesn't want to be... showy

He wants to maintain some kind of poise

But I think its because he's a little too shy to be up front and honest

But oh man when he's having fun and flirting for the fuck of it his whole goal is get everyone in a 10 mile radius flustered

He enjoys seeing people blush (I think its because he doesn't always take true compliments well and wants other people to feel good about themselves)

Jin

My boi

His tactics might be a little... strange.. at times

It's endearing though

And smooth

I wouldn't be surprised if he has a list of mid 2000's pick up lines on hand as a plan b

Yoongi

Legit before pulling any cards I heard "like a penguin"

I can't

Now to the fucking cards

WHY IS HE SO ROMANTIC??

What a soft man

He's a romantic flirt that doesn't use many words because he doesn't have to

You best believe he has coffee orders memorized, take out orders memorized, favorite drink always on hand

You needed something from the store?

He bought it.

Very much service and gifts because he wants to provide and kinda show his worth

"Here's this rock I saw. I know you like them so I figured I'd polish it for you too"

Lol he's wrapped around that pinky so tight

He's also very considerate and aware that unwanted flirting can be creepy and uncomfy so he's very very conscious of how he goes about things

I think flirting like this is almost... healing to him?

I think he really enjoys having someone to take care of (he definitely wants the same in return)

Yoon doesn't flirt. He'd rather be courting some one

Don't get me wrong though

He can definitely flirt and shit like that but its his secret weapon

He's also very confident when he flirts

He prefers flirting to come with no expectations

If anyone gets courted by min yoongi I want to see your stack of "rocks" (idk it could be bracelet charms or snow globes or postcards but I wouldn't be surprised if its actual rocks either)

Hoseok

Oki if you don't want to read some not pg then come back when I say it's safe lol

Hobi you horny mother fucker

Flirting is 100% foreplay

I CAN'T

Kissing is definitely in his flirting book

He flirts and establishes his dominance early on (hobi is a dom fight me)

Very confident in his flirting

LUSTY FUCKER

I get vibes that hobi would 100% fuck on the first date

(Kinky mf)

Omg hobi what a fucking tease too Jesus

Blah blah blah his flirting is foreplay bc he's horny and really wants to fuck.

Istg hobi just wait for a designated 18+ reading

Oki it's safe now

On the off chance that hobi isnt using his ridiculous flirting skills as foreplay

He is still very confident

And slow paced

He's trying to win the war not the battle

He is very push-pull when he flirts

It's with good intentions though

He's just really good with people and sweet talking

Very touchy

Flirting can also be a way for him to sus people out and decide if they are cool or nah

Flirting with hobi can lead to:

A. New best friend

B. Increadibly one night stand

C. The love of your fucking lifeb

D. A failed vibe check

Lowkey hobi would be kinda like wolf... very... driven?

Namjoon

A lot of compliments and just general good vibes

Lots of personal questions

"I bet you're really good at that. You should let me see sometime."

Definitely uses his smile

A lot

Very much the type to keep eye contact and be very attentive to the answers that are given to his questions

Its a wee bit methodical

But not in a weird way

He just wants to know where to go

Lots of emotional intelligence

Probs buys flowers or something cute

Very much reassuring and probably would be most flirty over drinks of some kind (like coffee or fancy wine)

Doesn't always flirt for the sake of romance but its pretty obvious when he is

He's just perfect

He gives complements often just in general and I think he absolutely knows how to use his charms

Very smooth

So so so so so witty

Definitely can get some nice giggles going

The way he flirts is honestly entrancing

We all know he is a fantastic talker

Probably uses a lot of beautiful language

Jimin

Very flirty

Flirty flirty

Also a little flexing involved!!

He'd be dressed to the 9's and very obvious

I definitely see him making everything about the other person

Very much peak libra behavior

He'd definitely feel flirty when he's feeling himself?

Flirting is almost like a first defense

Its easier to control the situation when he's flirting and its something that he loves to do

There's a lot of intelligence here with chim chim

He gets bored easily so flirting with him would be something engaging and intellectual as much as it is fun and laid back

Fancy fucking dinners

Flirty boi would like to have his match

Flirting is a competitive (fun) sport

He'd be a bit more toned down and less flashy if its someone he's actually trying to romance

Very fun and very exciting

Taehyung

Sexc

Think mysterious and cool as fuck

That's his flirting style

Very much must pass his vibe check

Be careful its a test

The way he flirts is by not saying anything about himself

He'd drop bits here and there but he has to make sure that you're worthy tbh

If someone makes it past the vibe check this is when the real flirting begins

He'd be very attentive and almost dedicated?

Like he sees flirting as a stepping stone

This is an investment and flirting would be tailored to the person he's flirting with

He's very intuitive and knows what people need

Very very very delacate

Also he might seem a bit intense when he flirts but its not necessarily a bad thing

Homie be regal at first but once he's comfy and is sure that they're compatible then he'd be way more inviting and open and giggly

Oh god he'd be the giggliest flirt on the whole planet

Also very considerate of boundries

Jungkook

Lol

He'd only really be comfy flirting if there isn't anyone else around

Very blushy

Kinda soft ngl?

It's cute soft and shy but he also has very strong boundaries

Flirting is something that he's not great at?

But he is very very very good at learning so the more he flirts the better he gets

This is an oddly personal journey?

He has to get over some stuff to get rid of some possible anxiety

He's also a little unconventional?

He has his own way of flirting and it'd be very adorable

Things like

"You're hair would be really cool if it was blue. I like it now too. So you should do whatever you like with your hair. Because its yours. And its nice. Yeah"

Its so CUTE

He'd overthink a lot too

What do I say? How do I act?

He'd also maybe throw in a cheeky back touch or two every so often

Shoulder touching too

Its very much like best friend flirting but koo means it as actual flirting

Honestly, if someone notices that koo is flirting with them it'd be best to just take the wheel and take the stress away

[frogsandfries]

Also

I feel spread too thin.

I was really excited about this crochet project.

But I've also got the diamond painting looming over my head.

I also have over fifty frames that need to be colored. I had to work half a shift today, in the middle of the day. We went out for coffee, but then it felt like there was no time for anything else. I really thought I was going to have time this weekend to do a couple lineworks and a bunch of coloring. Sure, I did a couple frames, and even tightened some pencil work for some more frames, but that didn't leave much time for coloring. Plus, give my blood line a few more generations and we'll just hibernate all winter.

It's faster, but it also feels like it's so much slower, to make pixel art in an actual art program. It's painful on my phone, which is what I've been using for the most part. It's possible, but it is just so hard. I'm thinking, I'll some them when they're filled and clean them up on my tablet, add shading and other details. This way, I can do as much as I've ever been able to on my phone, especially when we're out of the house, and I don't have to worry too much about what am I supposed to do in my phone besides be bored.

Aside, man I really can't express how much I wish my partner could fucking put his phone down for more than a minute. We went out for dinner and the server kept asking me about his alcoholic drink and his dinner like, no he didn't secretly order alcohol for me. No that shrimp meal is not mine; remember, I ordered the fish fry and not alcohol. Technically, even though I'm helping to pay for this meal, I am not actually paying. Plus, it'd help me feel like...... less ignored, so I wouldn't feel like I have to worry about how to keep myself entertained. I mean, I don't want to trade from the phone to him. I mean more, why do we leave the house if he's just going to be on the phone playing video games. He can play video games at the apartment. I've brought this up a million times. I don't think he listens. There's a lot of things that I saw that I'm pretty sure he doesn't listen to me.

Anyway, I just want to feel like using an art program is faster than using a cross-stitch program. My schedule for this coming week is kind of messy which is going to create an extra bit of stress. Like, we should have gone grocery shopping today, but he's not feeling good and we went out for coffee and worked through the middle of the day. I'm not going out grocery shopping by myself again because it just pisses me off. Maybe we could go grocery shopping tomorrow, but he has work. I've already decided that since he's working, I'm going to buy a couple sheets of foam core and mount these cork tiles behind my desk. I'm partially hoping they'll add some sound baffling, which we desperately need if we're going to continue taking calls in the same room. I might also buy some bubble wrap, both for the window because holy shit it gets cold in there sitting next to the fucking single pane window, and also as a lightweight hopefully extra layer of sound baffling on the curtain. The curtain actually does a solid bit of baffling. I like to push it aside on the weekends when I work in the office because I basically sit in it during the week and switching up my environment helps me feel like I'm not sitting at the same desk. My partner was in there talking to me after work and the sound environment was completely different without the curtain 😳

The bubble wrap sticks just fine; you mist the window and stick it. The only problem is the cats sooooo

I'm not even sure where to put the diamond painting. My cats have taken to stalking things on the wall. My girl keeps attacking this board I've designated for pins, since I covered it with a sheet of paper that I couldn't think of anything else to do with. And I think it was just yesterday, she finally jumped to attack my other diamond painting. They hate having anything on the walls, but honestly, they'll have to get over it. With nothing on the walls, everything echos. It's so frustrating. Where the fuck am I supposed to put this huge, awesome diamond painting?!? What if I order like, cloth wall hangings?? They'll destroy them. I can't even hang my coat.

I'm just going to try to focus on coloring tomorrow. I'll get my foam core eventually.

[prompt-master]

The student slams their hands down on her podium.

"I'm telling you, they didn't eat that fucking grilled cheese willingly!" She shouts. "Prom hates mayonnaise!! I know that for a fact!!"

A collective groan sounds through the trial room. This discussion has gone on for far too long. People are starting to get tired. Suspicious even. The student won't let it go, and though there's no way to really prove them wrong, everyone just wants her to shut up about it. You can't just ask a dead body about their condiment preferences. The whole conversation seems completely pointless.

Even Monokuma looks bored. You can't help but relate to him a little, ignoring how much that thought disgusts you. The trial had been really, really uneventful. Accusations without evidence thrown about like confetti, trains of thought that end up shoved off the rails before they can even leave the station, leads that go nowhere, pointless arguments over the most trivial of topics, and throughout the whole nine hours of debate, that robotic bear grew more and more restless, even calling recesses for us to investigate more.

Even the detective is starting to get irritated. They didn't find anything condemning on the body, and even after interrogating the other students, nothing shocking or revealing came up.

You didn't find anything good either. In fact, you haven't spoken for most of the trial. There was just nothing to say that hadn't already been said.

The victim got up sometime before the nighttime announcement, after the group agreed to tuck in early. Monokuma, bored with how little progress we were making, confirmed the fact that the victim had planned to grab a snack before heading back to their room, before the doors to the dining hall were locked.

Obviously, they didn't make it.

One student kept saying the toxic grilled cheese had been force-fed to them. They kept saying the victim would never eat mayonnaise willingly, and since that was the main source of poison (It was also, like, everywhere. If the victim hated it, they wouldn't have put so much on), it made her statement kind of difficult to believe.

There was one thing that kind of supported her theory. The tainted jar in question had no label, nor did it have a prominent scent. It was only identified as mayonnaise by one of the other students who had a very well-developed sense of smell, and was able to get past the sweet maple-syrup scent of the antifreeze. It was possible the victim mistook the mayonnaise for something else, but even then, it would be unlikely. Mayonnaise has a very distinct taste, even with heaps of poison added, so if they really hated it they would have spat it out immediately. Only a tired idiot would keep eating something they despised of their own free will.

Monokuma let out a very dramatic sigh.

"You know, I'm getting reeeal tired of this. If you kiddies don't find anything interesting soon, I might just execute one of you as compensation." He growled in that annoying voice of his. "This trial is taking wayy too long!"

Those words got us on edge. Some of the others started accusing the student while she went on about her theory. One student yelled at Monokuma for being unfair. You and the detective shared a look. This wasn't good.

One student, who'd been quiet the whole time, suddenly cleared their throat.

"I may be going out on a limb here, but...." They waited for the others to calm down before continuing. "Do you think the victim ate the mayonnaise without knowing it was mayonnaise? Antifreeze has a very sweet taste and smell. They could have mistook it for something else."

"And you are..?" You ask.

"Ultimate Auto Racer." They reply. "I work with antifreeze. I don't know about arsenic, but I do know you can easily eat antifreeze without knowing it's toxic."

The detective crosses their arms in thought. Monokuma perks up and leans out of his slumped position, almost as if electrified.

"Even so, why would they put something sweet on a grilled cheese? That's kind of an acquired taste." You say. "If we're going off the assumption they don't like mayonnaise."

Everyone is thinking now. The accusations aren't thrown around anymore. The whole trial room is quiet.

"Maybe...maybe they're right." One student pipes up quietly. "Maybe Prom thought it was something else. Maybe they didn't taste it before they put it on the sandwich."

They looked around the room timidly, shrinking under everyone else's gaze. They obviously didn't like attention.

"I-I mean, what if they thought it was butter? L-Like the jar wasn't that big, and mayo k-kind of looks like butter spread...." The student shoved out quickly. "With no label they wouldn't know, right..?"

"That's.... actually a valid point." The detective says approvingly. The student offers a small smile in response, but doesn't say anything else. Speaking up must not be their strong suit.

"It was late, right?" Another student cuts in. "We were all tired. The last execution left us all drained, since it kind of.....went wrong near the end. The victim could have been super out of it and wanted food to keep the off their mind."

"Like stress eating, but to cope with something? I do that myself, so it's not unbelievable. The victim could be like that, for all we know." Yet another adds.

"What if it wasn't intended for Prom? Like, someone else here probably really likes mayo, maybe they messed with it in hopes of killing them instead!"

"You saying the victim was a tired idiot then?"

"Do you know them enough to say otherwise?"

"Gad, this whole trial is confusing... We don't even know the victim that well, how are supposed to their killer? There's no drama to work with!"

"Maybe they grabbed the mayo thinking it was butter." The detective mused. "And when they tasted it, it probably didn't taste too much like mayo, with all that antifreeze added to it. Maybe they were too tired to remake it. The victim was on a time limit after all."

You furrow your brow in thought. The others a kind of making sense, but it's not much to go off of. You still don't know who poisoned the mayonnaise in the first place.

"Let's say that did happen. We still don't know who poisoned it." A new speaker scoffs, practically reading your thoughts exactly. "All this talk won't get us anywhere if we don't have a real suspect."

The miniscule amount of energy in the room dissolved. They were right, everyone knew it, but it'd been nice to think we were going somewhere.

The quiet student from before clears their throat. Anyone who isn't talking or spouting theories turns to look at them again.

"If, um, it's any consolation, I just remembered something...."

The detective holds up a hand to shut up the person next to them. You do the same. Eventually the trial room calms down enough for the student to talk. Monokuma giggles.

They take a deep breath, like whatever's on their mind is really hard to say. "I....I did see someone mucking around in the storage closet."

A truly riveting murder trial and I hope after playing it people discourse about my character simply because they hated it and people argue over whether or not i was a good person and the answer to that question is a mysterious wink

[king-finnigan]

For the mash up prompts: 55, Established Relationship and 69, Flirting Under Fire. Geraskier is my OTP, but I also feel like it'd be fun with any Witcher/Witcher pairing 😍

Sorry for the late answer, dear! I’m a bit busy with school right now, so anyone who’s still waiting for a reply, please bear with me! I will get to it eventually.

Also I did make this Geraskier, because I haven’t read the books or played the games, so I’m not entirely comfortable writing the other Witchers as major characters 😅

***

Of three things Jaskier is absolutely certain.

1. He regrets each and every action that has lead up to now, to the situation he has suddenly found himself in.

2. There are two pairs of eyes trained on him and Geralt, as they sit at the bar, one friendly, one hostile. Or both friendly. Or both hostile. He’s not sure of things like that anymore.

3. He loves Geralt. He really does. But his boyfriend might be the worst undercover cop he’s ever seen in his entire goddamn life.

As the son of the patriarch of the Pankratz family, he’s seen a lot of undercover cops - some better than others, yet no matter how good, all of them were found out by his dad, and got executed and dumped into the ocean. But none of them have been as bad as Geralt.

He really does wonder how the hell his boyfriend managed to get hired by the FBI, as Geralt looks at him, unease evident on his face - even though he’s supposed to seduce Jaskier - and says: “I- I like your... eyes. They’re... very blue.” 

Jaskier swallows thickly, hand tightening around the pint in front of him, as he fights the overwhelming urge to slam his head into the bar. He can feel his dad’s eyes boring into his back, and remembers the conversation they had earlier that day, when he pulled Jaskier aside, telling him he’s a hundred percent sure that their latest acquisition is an undercover cop - because of course he immediately knew Geralt wasn’t a criminal, big shocker - and that Jaskier needs to get close to him, find out what the Feds know about their operations and criminal activity.

He sighs, softly, trying to save Geralt’s awkward flirting, by shooting him a quick wink, putting on his most charming smile. “Thanks. My eyes are pretty special, though, they’re only blue when I’m looking at hot people.”

Geralt stammers, frowning a bit, mouth opening and closing like a fish on dry land, and Jaskier has to fight not to smack his forehead.

“But...” Geralt eventually replies “they’re always blue, no matter who you’re looking at.”

Now Jaskier has to fight the urge not to smack Geralt. He shoots a quick look over his shoulder, seeing his dad still staring at him. He turns back to his boyfriend who is actually not supposed to be his boyfriend at all. “Geralt, work with me goddammit. We’re supposed to seduce each other and it’s not gonna be believable if you say stupid shit like that,” he hisses.

“Sorry, I’m not good at this,” Geralt whispers back.

“Fucking clearly!”

He shoots a look over his other shoulder, meeting the other pair of eyes that keeps staring at them. Geralt’s colleague, another undercover cop. She’s been in the family a while, and his dad only keeps her around to feed her false information about their activities, to put the Feds on wild goose chases for drug or weapon deals that are never gonna happen.

Though, he knows that she’s aware that the information they’ve been feeding her is false, by now. That’s why the Feds sent Geralt - to seduce Jaskier, the brazen, gay wildchild of the Pankratz patriarch, and maybe get correct information about the family’s business. And she’s keeping an eye on them, to make sure Geralt does his job and doesn’t betray her or himself.

Little does she know Jaskier’s dad already knows Geralt’s a cop.

Because Geralt fucking sucks at being undercover.

He tries again. “Your eyes are lovely, though.” They’re one of the first things he noticed about Geralt when they first met, about a year ago, a few hours before they slept together for the first time. Neither of them had known about each other’s occupations at the time, and by the time they figured out that they were supposed to be mortal enemies, it had been too late - they had already fallen for each other.

“Thanks...” Geralt mutters, toying with his own pint “I... need them to see.”

Jaskier wonders how the fuck he ever managed to fall in love with this idiot.

But, then again, there hadn’t been any need for flirting, when they first met. They had instantly been attracted to each other, and talking just got in the way of kissing, really. And after that, Jaskier had fallen for Geralt because he always expressed his love through his actions, not his words.

So, really, deep down, he had already known Geralt would suck at flirting and would fail at ‘seducing’ Jaskier, especially with Jaskier’s dad and the other cop staring at them the whole time.

The question, really, is: how the fuck didn’t the FBI see this coming? Did they really think they could just put a hot man next to Jaskier, and he would immediately dive into bed with him and tell him all his family’s secrets?

Granted, that’s exactly what happened - a year ago, though. Not that the FBI knows. Not that they’ll ever know, hopefully.

He tries to summarize the situation for himself, as all these schemes and intrications have got his head spinning.

So, long story short: He is part of the mob, Geralt is a cop. They’ve been in a secret relationship for about a year now, and Jaskier’s dad expects him to seduce Geralt so they can find out what the Feds know, and the Feds expect Geralt to seduce Jaskier so they can get correct intel on the Pankratz’s activities.

Fucking marvellous.

He tries to have one more go at this ‘seduction’ thing, just to at least keep up appearances a little bit. “So, Ger-” he blinks, trying to remember his boyfriend’s undercover name “James. Is your hair white everywhere, or just on your head?” He leans his elbow on the bar, putting his chin in his hand, his index finger pulling his lower lip down slightly, looking up at Geralt through his lashes.

Just because his boyfriend sucks at flirting, doesn’t mean Jaskier can’t do it.

And, fortunately, it works. Geralt’s eyes flick down to Jaskier’s lips for a brief moment, as he shifts in his seat a bit, a blush creeping up his neck. “I- uh...”

Jaskier looks at him innocently, batting his eyelashes, exaggerating it so he’s sure his dad and the other undercover cop can see it. “I would love to find out.”

Geralt blinks again, leaning towards Jaskier. “You already know that, though.”

Jaskier sighs, once again resisting the urge to smash his head into the bar. “Geralt, I love you but you’re so fucking stupid. How the hell did you ever get hired by the FBI?” he hisses.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a bit stressed.”

“Yes, I can see that! The whole fucking bar can see that! This is never going to be believable if you keep acting like I’m holding you at gunpoint!”

“Oh, my bad, sorry I’m a bit nervous about this. It’s not as if your dad’s gonna execute me if he finds out I’m an undercover cop!” He sounds properly angry now, brows knitted together over furious amber eyes.

Jaskier scoffs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He already fucking knows, Geralt. You’re literally the worst undercover cop I’ve ever seen and the FBI sends us, like, a dozen a year. He’s only keeping you alive if I can seduce you - or, at least” he waves his hand non-committally “if he thinks I’ve seduced you.”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to worry you even more, you absolute idiot! You’re already acting like someone shoved a stick so far up your ass it’s triggering your gag reflex!”

“You of all people should know that I don’t have a gag reflex!”

Jaskier blinks, raising his finger at Geralt. “I know that, and I love you, but that wasn’t my point. My point was-” he lowers his hand, frowning. “What was my point?”

He looks up when he hears his dad’s voice next to him. “Everything alright here?”

Jaskier smiles, leaning away from Geralt until he’s sitting upright again. “Everything’s perfectly fine,” he shoots Geralt, who’s still glaring at him, a warning look. “Right, James?”

Geralt stares at him for another second, before leaning back as well, smiling at Jaskier’s dad so unconvincingly it makes Jaskier cringe. “Yeah, everything’s great.”

The patriarch looks between them for a split second. “Right.” He looks at Jaskier. “If anything’s the matter, tell me.” He looks at Geralt, though his words are still directed towards his son. “I’ll take care of it, then.”

“Nope! Everything’s perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about.”

Jaskier’s dad nods, and walks away. Geralt glares at him again. “And I thought you said I was a shitty actor!”

Jaskier grits his teeth together, standing up abruptly, taking Geralt’s arm, dragging his boyfriend/supposed-to-be-mortal-enemy to the back of the bar, into his dad’s office, slamming the door behind him. “Fucking stop looking at me like you’re going to kill me! You’re convincing no one that you’re seducing me!”

“Maybe that’s a good thing!” Geralt half-shouts. “Maybe if I can’t seduce you, they’ll pull me out of this operation and things can go back to normal!”

“No, they fucking can’t! Cause if I can’t seduce you, my dad’s gonna have your head because you’re the worst fucking undercover cop in the history of the FBI!”

“I could just leave! I could walk out of here and never show my face again! Problem solved!”

“No! He’ll just track you down and kill you anyways, you mud-for-brains idiot!”

“Then what do you suppose we do? You pretend you’ve seduced me and then what? We can’t fucking keep this up forever!”

Jaskier frowns, thinking for half a second. “Then you just out yourself as an undercover cop and say you’ve switched sides! There! End of discussion, problem solved!”

“But I won’t switch sides!”

“It doesn’t fucking matter whose side you’re on if you’re dead!”

“Fuck you!”

“Fuck me yourself, you coward!”

“I already am!”

Jaskier blinks. “Fair enough.” He laughs when Geralt leans against the wall and almost knocks a painting off its hook.

He stalks forward. “Gods, Geralt, you’re so fucking stupid.” He grabs his boyfriend by the back of his neck, pulling him closer, smashing their lips together.

Geralt groans in surprise, but immediately kisses him back, pulling Jaskier flush against his chest.

The door to the office opens, and Jaskier pulls back, meeting eyes with his dad, who’s standing in the doorway. 

“My apologies,” the patriarch says, “I didn’t realize you two were... busy.” He closes the door behind him.

“Right,” Jaskier mutters, as Geralt laughs softly. “Problem solved, I guess.”

[bookofsul]

So this is probably really odd to ask but whatever. I got accepted into an art school and i've been going there since 4 weeks. So far so good. But i get really bad anxiety if i am not able to do somethig right/ as good as anyone else :/ of course im jealous if someone is better than me but i thik i could handle that (if it'd JUST that) i have anxiety abt almost anything and it really depresses me when i feel like im not good in enough in sth i normally love doning :( So.. do you have any advice?

Yes I do. Stop listening to the BS that comes from the part of your genes that keeps you rather in ‘shitty but safe’ stagnation than let you fail. (They are mean and don’t consider winning!)

In short, don’t stress too much on it, things will be just fine as long as you keep going! A bit longer below the cut.

My art school career started with “I was the second to last accepted” to high school. I knew that I could draw ‘better’ than the other kids in my elementary school class simply because I had an interest and I was drawing almost every day, but it still put me on the end of the scale in an open competition. When I got in I felt like I hit the jackpot and I will be surrounded with similar minded folks and how awesome it will be. The truth is, I had a couple of friends and the others I can’t even remember the name of but things were great. Until you start to struggle for whatever reason, it’s more often than not that you’ll get a mean comment on ‘how bad x is on your drawing’. And from those friends, that hurt. It’s not the constructive criticism kind of deal, but the one that is aimed to break down your self confidence and faith in yourself in order to make themselves feel better. After a while I figured that I’m not interested in their opinion, so I politely asked them not to give me feedback, since I’m my worst critic. I knew that some of them were in my level or above, but that just put me into a competitive mindset that I can do better. And so I did. Talent is nothing but hard work. When you think that other people’s work is intimidating, then you are getting a mental block via your genes that I have described above. But if you keep trying, you can get to awesomeness! 

After high school (all of those above) I went to an other art based institute to become a teacher whom is able to instruct and communicate trough their thoughts due to the fact that our teacher was an artist who was an egotistic asshole, forcing his shit on people without letting you develop. I thought that in the university it will be different, but guess what, all the people there were the same kind of deal. I feel like I learned nothing aside of the teaching part. They assigned me to do things I was not interested in at all and trying to crush my beliefs that “digital art is no true art and has no value”. We got homework which you could interpret as you liked, and let me tell you, they did freak me out. I’m not saying that you don’t need to do things you don’t like, but the amount is very questionable and opinionated. I hated drawing. It was a forced thing and I saw that the output I was doing was crap because I couldn’t even motivate myself to care. It was still good enough to keep a B+ average, and where I felt like I’m not learning, I stopped trying to challenge myself to try being better. I usually had at least one figure whom I wanted to impress, and I put all my creative efforts into that particular class. The rest I kinda “survived”.

And, let me tell you a story related specifically to your problem. I had a class where we had to “solve painter’s problems”. Whatever the fuck that meant. We had to paint a figure and environment in the mandatory classes which was utterly boring (same 60yo lady over the 5 years I had there). Same pose, same lights, I could paint it from my memory from various angles. it was some new level of boring. But we had this “solve a painter’s problem” deal and I had no fucking idea what did the teacher meant and the explanations made NO SENSE to me or my friend. The others started bringing in sketches and loose works to ask the teacher’s opinion, and they were so far away from anything I’d call art that I started freaking out. I can’t do this shit. I can’t purposely, by force, paint metaphysical images by the number of 30 mini (A6), 15 small (A4) 10 medium (A3) and 4 large (A2) by the end of the semester. I had two weeks left, and I had NO IDEA what the hell to do. I was very frustrated, I wanted to quit, I wanted to fuck it all, because everyone else’s modern junk was looking so abstract and I CANNOT do that! I was sitting over the canvas and out of sheer frustration I started hammering it with random colors I had on my brush (it was rather small, like the back of a pencil), and I was crying and I was ready to give up. And from beyond my tears, the images looked kind of…Interesting. So I blew my nose and I kept doing this, first trying to make a shape or a form and afterwards not even giving a damn. I just had to make something and fuck me if it’s not going to be good enough. I tried my best. If it’s not enough, it’s just ONE person’s opinion anyway from 6 billion so WHY should I CARE. (Yes, even if they are professionals or teachers or whatever)So I bring in the images and I’m so nervous I nearly pass out. Long story short the teacher nearly passed out too, but from euphoria, how amazing my shit was. He was legit pissed that my works from the class were medicore but THOSE WERE SO GOOD IT WAS PREPOSTEROUS. I got an A, and my friend who watched from the door nearly pissed herself from trying not to laugh. (she also asked me to bring some to an other class to an other teacher and that guy also got his mind blown).

Now some can say that I had to get to a mindset that made me do this (and we should listen to the advices blaady bladyy blaaa). But frankly, I don’t want to be stressed about creating art, I want to enjoy it. People don’t like it? Why should I care as long as I’m having fun and developing to my liking? Art supposed to be self expression, not forced upon anyone by any means. When I make commissions, I’m trying to please ONE person, and that’s the commissioner. If anyone else is happy too, that’s a bonus. My best art pieces were gifts, because I wanted to give with them, and they were driven by love/joy/unicorn fart rather than pressure. Love makes everything better!

You’ll never be able to please everyone. It’s impossible. Start with believing in yourself and look for the themes/materials that MAKE YOU HAPPY. That make you grow and leaves you feeling productive. If it’s drawing, painting, writing, making music, cooking food, sewing, fixing up shit, BRINGING OUT THE TRASH, whatever floats your boat. Aim for the little things that make you happy. There is no point to compare yourself to others, and trust me when I say this, the more your skill grows the less intimidating they will be, because you’ll have the eyes to see the flaws that everyone does. The images we like the most are made with little accidents. If you feel like crap about your art, listen some Bob Ross and follow his work. Surround yourself with the material that makes you feel good, or things you want to aim for. If you have a particular picture you think it’s just the best shit, put it to your desktop til you find something that is even more awesome. Your eyes will remember the details that you can recall any time. Out of your comfort zone? DO NOT TAKE IT TOO SERIOUS. I mean it’s obviously gonna be crap in the first dozen times. But You’ll get there, just keep going, and don’t give up! Be your own worst critiq and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your work. You have to accept the fact that you won’t make a masterpiece with every single stroke you make, and that’s fine. Aim for perfection, but don’t be a perfectionist.

My personal mantra is: “I cannot please everyone with my work, but I do my best anyway, and my aim is personal growth trough things that make me happy.”I’m honestly very honored that you people think my opinion is worth asking for. The fun fact is that my most common advice is “don’t give a shit about other people’s opinion”. :’D No, ofc you should care a bit, but only just an itty bitty tiiny wiiny bit. As long as you stay happy!

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Were you really not gonna tell me? 'Cause newsflash, if you were waiting for Buster to grow a pair and do it Nancy: Obviously that wasn't going to and didn't happen, like Rio: It's not just you, I wasn't going to tell anyone Rio: I didn't Nancy: Okay Nancy: Glad to know it wasn't just me Nancy: But you could've said something when they all started finding out and not leave June to break it to me thinking I already knew Nancy: The level of awkward Rio: I'm sorry, Nance Rio: I should've thought Rio: it kinda just happened Nancy: That's my twin brother and I'm the last to know Nancy: You know? Rio: You so aren't Rio: know news is traveling fast but Rio: I don't know, I am sorry Rio: Probably could've done this better Nancy: Anyway its not about me Nancy: So not the point Rio: Yeah but it ain't my intention to make you feel shit with it Rio: or his Nancy: He clearly had no intention either way Nancy: It's actually comforting though, amid this whole personality transplant he's having, he's still able to be a prick Rio: I mean, take what you can get, babe Nancy: I'm sorry but this is Nancy: He's old enough to get married but not mature enough to talk to anyone about it Rio: To be clear, we aren't getting married Nancy: What do you mean? Nancy: You are Rio: I mean Rio: not right now Rio: not for ages, it's not like we've got plans Rio: we would've said then, would've had to Nancy: Then what are you doing? Nancy: Why do you need a ring that costs enough to give my mum and dad a heart attack, right now? Rio: Because we want to Rio: there's no way to say that that doesn't sound bratty but you know what I mean Nancy: Not that long ago he wanted to go to America Nancy: I'm not even trying to sound like a bitch but if I do then it's 'cause I don't understand Rio: I've not said he can't Rio: he's still applied Nancy: I'm not saying that only Nancy: How do you know what he wants? Nancy: I know what it's like to get carried away, like Rio: I know Rio: but this hasn't just come out of nowhere, remember Nancy: It seems like he has to keep upping the stakes, everyone's okay with you being together so he has to take it further Rio: I don't think he wants the fight Rio: like you said, he doesn't even wanna talk Nancy: He says he doesn't, but then does everything he can to have it brought to him Nancy: He's always done it Rio: I don't know what to say Rio: I really don't think he's gonna take it that far, like Nancy: Well, I wouldn't have said so either but it's one drama after another with him lately Rio: There's nothing I can say to convince you, and I'm not going to Rio: but I know he loves me Nancy: I know he loves you too Nancy: But you have to admit, it's intense, right? Rio: Yeah Rio: It definitely is Rio: it always has been Nancy: Are you sure he can handle this? Rio: How do you mean? Nancy: He's always kept everyone at arms length Nancy: Slept with different girls all the time Nancy: Not that long ago Nancy: Has he really changed that much? Rio: I think so, but sure, I can't say so for certain Rio: but it's only me who has to take that chance and trust him Rio: you know Rio: if he hasn't then that's that Nancy: Aren't you freaked out? Nancy: He's already cheated on you, okay not in a cut and dry way 'cause we all know what Chloe is like and what she did but still Nancy: You said yes to forever Nancy: That's Rio: Like you said, not that cut and dry Rio: It was all such a mess idk if we were even together together Rio: it still hurt but Rio: I'm just trying to move on from all that shit Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Sorry for bringing it up Nancy: I'm just Nancy: I'm freaked out if you're not Rio: Nah, it happened Rio: I can't explain how I know Rio: I just do Rio: Maybe it's stupid but it still is Nancy: I don't think either of you are stupid Nancy: Impatient, maybe Nancy: But you're not alone in that, like Nancy: Everything's moving so fast with everyone and I can't remember how to relax anymore Rio: Yeah Rio: It is mental Rio: but this is one of the only things that doesn't make me feel like that Rio: that's what it is, that's how I know Nancy: I can tell its the same for him Nancy: Even if he won't talk to me, I still know Rio: I can make him but you know how well that'll go down Rio: Not got those kind of powers yet, like Nancy: Mum's beat me to the ambush and I can imagine how that went Nancy: I'm not trying to do it Rio: Either really bad or really well 'cos my phones not being blown up so Nancy: Not to be a bitch again, but option 1 is way more likely Rio: Yeah Rio: Reckon your Mum hates me as much as Ro does yet or Nancy: Of course not Nancy: Ro only hates you 'cause she hates herself so much there's no more space there Nancy: My mum would never Rio: Good to know Rio: Self-esteem saving the day yet again Nancy: Not to say she's buying a hat and shoes yet Nancy: But you'll be okay at the next family function Nancy: Mum's mad at Buster not you, and same Rio: What a fashion faux pas that'd be Rio: Make a joke about hiding the bump better than the ring but even I'm not ready for that gag yet Rio: He really is trying, not that I'm going to law school to be his advocate but Nancy: You're getting married before Ro, we're all thrilled about that much, babe Nancy: He's trying my patience, but what's new there? Nancy: We're all trying as hard as we can right now Nancy: It'd be nice if he acted like he gave a fuck about anything besides you and him but Nancy: Just do me a favour and don't have a baby until I'm out of the country, yeah? Rio: Has Drew made an appearance since? Rio: and you've got it Nancy: No Nancy: Even he's not that much of an idiot Rio: Just checking Rio: Don't want 'em sneaking in ahead, like Nancy: If you think my mum is anti your vows she's next level about theirs, don't worry Rio: Ain't we all Rio: Not just 'cos I wanna ride him myself, naturally Nancy: Don't Nancy: So gross Nancy: If that can be the one thing that unites us I'm fine with it Rio: You fancy him too? Rio: Know he's pretty but um Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: Not what I meant Rio: 😂 Rio: Awks, surprised he ain't aiming for the full set Nancy: I'm sure he is Nancy: Happy to disappoint and destroy the myth that he's even pretty Rio: Gasp Rio: Nance, it's all he's got Nancy: Unlucky Rio: Heartless Nancy: Rule 1 of man hating lesbianism, like Rio: I been to the clubs, I basically got the jacket Nancy: You got all the phone numbers too, don't rub it in Nancy: You're already coupled up before me Rio: I didn't get off with anyone 😏 Nancy: Only 'cause you're disgustingly in love with my brother Nancy: You easily could've Rio: Shh Rio: Number one player right there Nancy: Please don't get all boring and domestic Nancy: I need to go out like yesterday Nancy: School is killing me Rio: I don't reckon that's very likely Rio: I do need to ask about and get my name back out so Rio: come with for the crawl, like Nancy: Definitely Nancy: When? Rio: Whenever you can Rio: I was gonna go tonight but gonna take more than one Nancy: I can do tonight Nancy: I need to Rio: Sorted then Rio: Just don't tell your Ma Nancy: She's too busy on labour watch to notice what I do Nancy: Not pregnant or engaged so I'm slipping through the cracks Rio: Aw babe Rio: let's avoid a sister scandal still Rio: Doesn't make the night go with a swing Nancy: Just how hetero is this club if you feel like either outcome is likely for me tonight? Rio: Just 'cos I'm coming for your gayness by getting engaged in a blink of an eye, don't be salty Nancy: Please Nancy: I'm never getting married Nancy: You do you but it's not for me Nancy: I'll keep the cat stereotype Rio: Just saying Rio: you know you could end up wifey'd and ma'd as easy in the gay club Rio: progress, baby Nancy: I could, but I won't Nancy: If I can get through this school year I'll be that career driven bitch Nancy: Glass ceilings to still break, you know Rio: 'Course Nancy: I know you're devastated, babe Nancy: I still love you though Rio: 😂 Rio: How'd you know? Nancy: Settling for the other twin, textbook Rio: That'll be it Rio: Try not to be too smug when you do chat to him, yeah? Nancy: I'll leave that to him Nancy: He does it so much better Rio: Nothing smugger than the higher ground Rio: Sneaky, babe Nancy: You can have that one as a freebie for your married life Rio: 😏 Rio: Still owe me a gift Rio: know you're good for it, McKenna Nancy: Maybe the gift is me tonight, hmm? Rio: Steady Rio: We can't keep doing this Nancy: I know, I know you can't handle me Nancy: I've heard it all before Rio: You heard what they say about redheads too, yeah? Nancy: Absolutely Rio: 😂 Rio: Guess we've said all we need to say then babe Nancy: You haven't told me how high up the bridesmaid rankings I am yet though Rio: You mean you ain't after that best man spot? Nancy: Can't seduce my way up that list Nancy: Also sure that he'd rather die than have me do anything like that for him Nancy: Especially 'cause I'd look better in a suit Rio: Who else would he ask? Rio: Picking the best of his current friends is the best of a bad bunch, like Nancy: You've got more than enough brothers to choose from Rio: Nah Rio: Like you said, kept his distance, who are they to him really, like Nancy: Okay but if you aren't getting married soon who knows what bromances he might form Rio: Who knows how much you'll be twinning Nancy: Gross Rio: You love it Nancy: You do Nancy: I saw you matching him on his feed Nancy: You're such a lesbian now, I can't Rio: Shut up 😖 Rio: we looked 🔥 Nancy: Yeah but it was so gay Rio: I feel hatecrimed Nancy: If you tell me you wanna match me tonight I'm not coming Nancy: Like I am, 'cause I need to, but Nancy: No Rio: 😒 Rio: this is why we're breaking up Nancy: Oh my god Nancy: You could've at least let me break up with you first Nancy: You know how stressed I am Rio: Now you can let off steam with some club hoe Rio: YOU'RE WELCOME Nancy: Now I'll be crying in the club and you'll have to deal with that Rio: Can't keep up with what you want, babe, honestly Nancy: Lesbian 101 Nancy: You never will Nancy: I actually might let off some steam if there's an option though, does that work? Rio: Sounds exhausting Rio: Ooh lala Rio: little TMI but I'm down Nancy: It's a serious question Nancy: Not a proposition for you Rio: Umm, are you asking permission or like Rio: if fucking helps you forget your problems? Nancy: I don't need your permission, we're not engaged, sorry about it Rio: The latter then? Rio: I mean, it's distraction, good as any but it's not fixing anything, like Nancy: If it works as a distraction, I'll try it Nancy: Spoken like I could remotely pull that off after having one girlfriend, okay Rio: Did you Rio: you know Rio: don't have to answer that fully tell me to shut up if you're feeling it Nancy: Yeah but I kind of had my mind elsewhere so I can't really draw on that for much inspiration Rio: Yeah Rio: I wouldn't reccomend going back to old inspiration Rio: goes without saying but that's not gonna help anything Nancy: You're telling me Nancy: Not how I thought my first relationship was gonna go Rio: Cheer up Rio: plenty got you beat Nancy: Is that meant to be comforting? Thanks Rio: Yeah Rio: least you got to be the cunt Rio: feminism, init Rio: the rest of us stuck with our sob stories here, Indie just the latest in line Nancy: I'd rather she hurt me, that's how I deserved for it to go Nancy: As if Buster gets an engagement and I get this Nancy: Such a prick Rio: Well she didn't so you don't get to mope, babe Rio: Come on Rio: Sort it out Nancy: You sound like my mum Nancy: Don't do that around him Rio: Well there's no need for that kinda slander Rio: Might be into it, but I know I can't freak you out with Freud like I did Inds so Nancy: Nothing an old white man has to say about anything is worth listening to Nancy: Even Indie knows that Rio: Harsh Rio: I like him, he knew how to party Nancy: I already know you like old white men, babe Nancy: You can't freak me out with that either Rio: 😂 Rio: Straight up savagery Nancy: Gay culture Nancy: Do I download an app or leave it up to the Gods and fates to decide if I fuck away my stresses? Rio: *Stolen straight from black culture so I trump you bitch Rio: Hmm Rio: Have you lot got a decent app of your own yet Rio: it's easier to swipe away dudes IRL than it is on a screen Nancy: Decent is a stretch Nancy: but yeah, I've swiped away my share of men in the club and out Nancy: Gross Rio: I say leave it then Rio: Plus I know you shy types, you'll front too hard on the socials and feel like dying when the time comes Rio: best to keep all your impressions in person Nancy: I feel so attacked Rio: As you should, direct callout, like Rio: got no time to chill Nancy: Fine Nancy: Acknowledged and accepted Rio: 😘 Love ya bitch Nancy: I'm glad he's not going to America if it means you're not Nancy: Like, I don't know how far away I'll be anyway but still Rio: I know you're hurting rn Rio: but please Nancy: What? Rio: Where you not insinuating you don't even wanna live in the same country as me? Nancy: I'm saying I do want to, not that I know what country I'll be in Nancy: But the way my classes are going I could be stuck here Rio: Ahh, with ya Rio: You cutie Rio: There's no way Rio: even with this bullshit Rio: it's all about your portfolio really yeah Rio: and nothing's fucking with that Nancy: It's just that nobody tells you that when you want to fuck your teacher and it fucks her over none of the other staff are that willing to help you Nancy: She used to help me, you know Nancy: And I can't like hey sorry but can you just help my dyslexic brain figure this essay out please even though you hate me now Rio: Surely there's someone else in that shithole who can Rio: Like, they don't have to be buzzin' about you but Rio: just unprofessional Nancy: I started it Rio: You're a student Rio: in their care, regardless Rio: also hardly the first who wanted to pipe a teacher, like Nancy: I don't know, all I know is everything takes so much longer now and I can't ask mum to help me until this baby comes out Nancy: So we're going out and I'm forgetting that school's a thing Rio: Sure I can't tempt you with a study sesh to go with the pre-drinks, like Rio: may as well, I've got fuck all to do 'til I get a day job again Nancy: You're not married in yet Nancy: You don't have to help me Rio: Come on Rio: Swear, I'm not that thick Nancy: Shhh Nancy: You're smarter than me that's my problem with it Nancy: You think my brother is the only one with an ego? Rio: Babe, please Rio: I'll just help get the shit sorted in your head, I ain't doing it for you Rio: left for a reason Nancy: I mean, if you wanna do it, I'll take the A Nancy: I need all the help I can get Nancy: Especially in Irish, obviously Rio: Don't push it, like Nancy: Come on, homewrecking doesn't end in good homework scores Nancy: Who knew? Rio: Ba mise an dalta ab fhearr liom ach Nancy: You lost me, see this is what I'm saying, I'm gonna fail and then have to go into my uni interviews like well.... Rio: Okay, okay drop the ego at the door and I'll help you out Nancy: You think I'm joking but I've seriously only studied with Buster before I moved schools and my mum since, when she's around Nancy: I wish I could call it ego Rio: Look, I know I can't talk you outta whatever block it is but seriously Rio: no judgment Rio: and none of the others would either Nancy: I know but like, Junior's so smart Nancy: Not saying you aren't, but you left so I don't have to know it everyday, do I Rio: There's different kinds of smart Rio: not to be that after-school special but seriously Rio: you're good at what you want to do Rio: and you'll find a way to make that happen Nancy: I know realistically that you're right but whenever I want to ask someone to help me I just remember what all those fucking girls made me feel like Nancy: About everything Rio: I know Rio: Cunts Nancy: I do need it though Nancy: Help, I mean Nancy: So if you're serious Rio: 'Course Rio: It's no thing, honest Rio: I'll come to you? 'Cos like fuck are you concentrating better here Nancy: Too true Nancy: Okay Nancy: I'll make us food Rio: 👍 Rio: and you say you ain't wifey material Nancy: Oh no, I know they'd be lucky to have me, babe Rio: 😏 More like it Rio: but remember, not why we going out, yeah Nancy: It's all just part of my masterplan to see the engagement ring, don't worry Nancy: There's nothing more important than judging every choice my brother makes Rio: Don't have him taking all the credit like I didn't help Nancy: Lord, imagine Nancy: I've seen so many horror stories Nancy: That straight girl suffering Rio: They love it Rio: First test for hubz to fail so you can cackle with your girls Nancy: They hate men more than I do and that's the truth Nancy: I see you with your separate living rooms Rio: Mhmm Rio: you'd understand if you liked 'em babe Nancy: No thanks Nancy: I refuse to believe the sex is good enough to put up with everything else Nancy: I've heard enough straight girls talk to know it isn't Nancy: Do better, all of you Rio: 😏 Nancy: Don't Nancy: I know what you're thinking and I don't want to hear it Rio: That's why I didn't say anything! Nancy: That emoji speaks for you Nancy: Loudly! Rio: Well, I can't lie Nancy: Disgusting Rio: Moving on Nancy: Thank god I moved before I had to hear that many girls swooning over him Nancy: Just have to deal with you instead Rio: First of all Rio: I'm not swooning Nancy: Sure Nancy: And second of all? Rio: Shut up Nancy: Mean Rio: Deal with it Nancy: Stop hate criming me oh my god Rio: 😂 Rio: The girl who cried hate crime Nancy: The title of my autobiography or no? Rio: Defs a work in progress but don't hate it Nancy: If nothing else the photos will sell it Rio: I know how you meant that and yet Rio: centrefold yo Nancy: Lord Nancy: Go to church please Rio: It sells Rio: we all know it Nancy: If the girl looks like you, sure Nancy: But you're not getting that promo in my autobiography so Rio: Shh Rio: working on my manners but the sentiment's the same Nancy: It's not rude to admit how pretty you are Nancy: You're fine Rio: 🙄 Rio: Such a flirt Nancy: You wish Nancy: You're stuck with my brother now, I'm not saving you Rio: Oh well Rio: that's that then Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Heartbreaking but Rio: Don't break out into a rendition of I Will Survive yet Nancy: I'll save it for the club Nancy: Promise Rio: It is a tune Rio: I'll pick a nice love song to piss you off Nancy: There she goes again with her hate crimes Nancy: So mean Rio: You know Rio: if loving your brother is a crime 😜 Nancy: That was actually the gayest thing you've ever said Rio: I know right Rio: really leaning into this Nancy: Am I proud or am I horrified? Hmm Rio: So proud Rio: Gonna make a speech at the wedding Nancy: If you mean get drunk and call Buster out then yeah Nancy: Of course I will Rio: Please don't ruin my pretend wedding Rio: the drama, this family has had enough Nancy: What do you actually want as an engagement gift though? Nancy: You've caught me unawares and I'm offended Rio: We don't need anything Rio: just get the first round, like Nancy: Did I say need or did I say want Rio: Did I not say a round Rio: you can IOU his Nancy: Fine Rio: Don't be grumpy Rio: So like him Nancy: OH MY GOD Nancy: Is that any way to change my mood? Rio: Facts are facts babe Nancy: Stop it Nancy: I'm pouting 'cause I wanna shop that's not like him at all Nancy: You know he'd just buy it Rio: Yeah he gets so mad when I won't let him splash the cash Nancy: Gross Rio: Mhmm Nancy: Why are you marrying this manchild? Rio: You know you don't wanna hear really Nancy: You don't have to marry him for that Nancy: None of us are religious Nancy: He's slept with girls for so much less Rio: No, I mean Rio: You'd just gross at any reasoning beyond that too Nancy: I know you love him Nancy: We've had that conversation Nancy: My memory's not that bad Rio: Are you drunk already? Nancy: I wish Nancy: But we have to study, right? Rio: Yeah, I can deal with dyslexia but not drunkness, thank you Rio: also omw btw Nancy: I think it's better when I drink Nancy: Like it cancels out Rio: Interesting Rio: still Rio: wait bitch Nancy: I'm not saying we test it now Nancy: I'm just saying test me later compared to now Nancy: Or something Rio: Whips out homework in the club Nancy: I meant my brain in general but whatever you're into, babe Rio: 😂 Rio: You gon be too busy Rio: remember Nancy: Fighting off straight men, sure Rio: Life and times of a mega babe Nancy: Femme struggles Nancy: Woe's me Rio: Poor baby Nancy: But if there are any cute girls there who happen to also be into me then yeah to fucking away my problems, obviously Rio: 😳 Damn okay Nancy: You know how I flirt so you know your blushes are gonna be spared Nancy: You've got more chance than me Rio: You'll be fine Rio: Your Ma ain't about is she Rio: fully avoiding Nancy: She's done her drop in for the day so you're safe Nancy: You don't need to avoid her though, just use the diamond glare like a torch Rio: Bear that in mind Rio: but I'm glad it's safe to come in Rio: get ready to train that brain Nancy: You're really selling it Nancy: Thanks Nancy: We can drink when I'm done, yeah? Rio: Well any jokes about being your sexy tutor are kinda off limits no Rio: Doing my best with what you've left, like Rio: and duh Nancy: Don't this is literally never gonna blow over and be okay, is it? Like Nancy: Excuse me while I move countries again Rio: Oh babe Rio: it will Nancy: If that was true it'd be old news by now, wouldn't it? Rio: Full offense but no one thinks about it as much as you do anymore Rio: it's just part of the craic, like who's fingered who and all that shite Nancy: Ouch Rio: It's gotta be said Nancy: Okay Nancy: Like it did really but you've said it now Rio: I'm sorry Nancy: How did you get engaged and we're still talking about me? Nancy: That's gay culture Rio: 😂 Rio: I like to think if it wasn't to your brother you'd be more receptive but you know Rio: maybe I'm giving too much credit Nancy: Rude Nancy: I want you be happy I'm not that much of a bitter lesbian Rio: I know bitch Nancy: You better know that Rio: Of course I do Rio: it's not that deep, I swear Nancy: You're only getting married, it's not that deep Nancy: You're funny Rio: Oh my god Rio: stop saying it like that Nancy: I'm sorry Nancy: But I can't believe this is something that's happening Rio: You've got plenty of time to get used to it Rio: not like it's happening in the morning, like Nancy: Thank god 'cause I am not having a good skin day Nancy: Club lighting is one thing but wedding photos are another Rio: Nothing but lowlighting I swear Rio: Plus I probably have to go on some mental diet right Nancy: Um NO Rio: Okay, wasn't about to go bridezilla and put all of y'all on it too or else Nancy: If you put yourself on it, I'd kill you, Buster would kill you, my mum would kill you Nancy: We'd all kill you Rio: The family that slays together Nancy: Exactly Nancy: Stop trying to make me give you big gay compliments about how pretty you are Rio: Soz, I'm just SO about it obvs Nancy: Who isn't? With MY track record Rio: Gotta keep everyone on their toes Rio: like you thought you knew our type Nancy: Jesus, I don't even know my own type Nancy: Good luck everyone Rio: We keep it entertaining if nothing else Nancy: One word for it Nancy: I'll just happily accept you and Buster keeping the heat off me with mum for as long as it keeps happening Nancy: Gathering up my free passes to be a messy bitch thank you Rio: Ringing endorsement Rio: You're welcome and cheers Nancy: I can be nice or I can be honest Rio: Why not both Nancy: When they overlap, of course Nancy: Doesn't happen often where my brother is concerned though Rio: 😏 I tried Nancy: You know he's only nice to you, right? Rio: Slight exaggeration Nancy: Barely an exaggeration Rio: Well Rio: I know he tries Nancy: I understand that you love him and you wanna see the best in him but I love him too and that doesn't matter like it should Nancy: Not to him anyway Rio: It does Rio: I know I've not got anything to back that up with but trust me Nancy: Where's he in this conversation? It's just me and you Nancy: And I came to London 'cause I asked you, he didn't invite me Nancy: He never would Rio: I know Rio: he just, does things differently Rio: he thinks that's how you want it Rio: and it's been like that so long, I don't know if he knows how to do different at this point Rio: not yet, anyway Nancy: Things are how he wants them 'cause I burned him years ago by leaving somewhere I literally couldn't be anymore Nancy: And he can't let it go 'cause he'll never talk to me about it Rio: It's not like it's an easy thing to talk about Rio: especially when he did a lot of things he regrets Rio: I get the frustration but it's not easy being the one who has to come on bended knee Nancy: Yeah, he did those things he regrets to me Rio: I know Rio: and so does he Rio: That's what I'm saying Rio: You get it, there's no ego to be salvaged Nancy: I wish he cared a little less about his ego then Rio: It ain't that simple Nancy: Nothing is when he's in the centre of it Rio: What happened happened Rio: There's too much water under the bridge to solve with a simple sorry no Nancy: I don't want sorry, just not to be shut out about everything that's going on with him all the time Nancy: Forget it. It's not like that for you, you don't need to understand how it is for me, like Rio: Well, no Rio: it's a two-way street Rio: he knows as little about you, it takes both of you to keep it like this Nancy: I came to London, I tried, even though he obviously didn't want me there Rio: So that's it, you're good? Nancy: Excuse you, I've been putting the work in since Nancy: He's put the shutters down over this 'cause mum's on the warpath and he can't handle any criticism Nancy: But it's not like I wasn't getting one word answers before then Rio: Whatever, this is ridiculous Rio: I'm not trying to be the go-between for either of you Nancy: Tell him to talk to me then Nancy: He actually listens to you Rio: Why can't you? Rio: You ask where he is but you're in my inbox acting like you expected him to be here Nancy: Please Nancy: I thought things were getting better for a second after the Chloe situation but here we are again, back to square one Nancy: I'm not there 'cause I'm not looking for a fight Nancy: And that's all he wants from any of us about this, for whatever reason Rio: Because he's been making changes since the Chloe situation and has got no positive feedback from that Rio: All he wants is acknowledgment of that Nancy: I know he's doing better but I don't know how to tell him that without sounding like a patronising bitch Rio: I'm not saying it's easy, or even that you have to Rio: but the defensive is his default for a reason and it isn't just that he's a cunt Rio: I'm not having that Nancy: When did it get so hard for us to talk to each other? Nancy: I used to tell him everything and vice versa Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe it's growing up because even Indie doesn't come to me like she used to Nancy: Everything's so weird Nancy: I hate it Nancy: I'm genuinely glad he's got you, I used to get so worried about him having nobody to talk to Rio: Me too Rio: Yeah, he needs better people around him Rio: I think Uni, wherever he goes, will help Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Where we are in London is like a different world and not in a good way Rio: May can't come soon enough Rio: I am worried what he's going to do 'til then Rio: maybe I can go back and forth but I promised I'd be here Rio: I don't know Nancy: It's not just him, I was a different person there too, more shut off Nancy: It's what you have to do Nancy: He'll come here though, who wouldn't like it better? It's like taking a breath Nancy: Cliche but true Rio: Yeah Rio: It's not good for you though, I mean, you know Rio: you couldn't do it any longer than you had to Nancy: I really do know. I swear I felt too much here for too long 'cause I didn't let myself feel anything there Nancy: And look what happened Nancy: At least none of his teachers are hot, one crisis averted Rio: I mean, Chloe is hardly bangin' but you know Nancy: Therapists don't @ me or my brother, thanks Rio: Your funds, they'll be lining up babe Nancy: Right? I could pay to put their kids through uni before I go Rio: Truly Nancy: Rich kid problems Nancy: I'm aware how I sound Rio: You don't sound any type of way Rio: I'm sorry I had to be a bitch there Nancy: You're not Nancy: I shouldn't put you in the middle, I don't want to but Rio: I know, kind of inevitable Nancy: Tell me shut up next time, like Rio: You got it Nancy: Or you know, do that straight girl thing of 'but I love him' in response to anything and everything Rio: Please Rio: never get you off your soapbox then Nancy: I mean, if you did it enough I'd just die so Nancy: Not that I'm dramatic Rio: 'Course Nancy: Thanks for not pointing out how dramatic he also is Nancy: I could feel you resisting Rio: You know, enough home truths for one convo Rio: Plus I'm here so like, need you to still want me to come in Nancy: Who's more dramatic though, me or him? Nancy: Don't just say him 'cause you don't want me to fight you Nancy: Real question Rio: Hmm Rio: I don't know Rio: you're dramatic in different ways Rio: so diplomatic, I know Nancy: Such a non answer but you can come in anyway Nancy: Hold on Rio: 👍