#but it’s okay. it’s okay we’ll get by we’ll get by and now we have normaller neighbours

[madamechrissy]

=͟͟͞♡ Healing Hearts =͟͟͞♡

=͟͟͞♡ Pairings:-Doctor Gojo x Intern F!Reader

=͟͟͞♡ Contents/warnings- Medical procedures, surgery descriptions, crazy sexual tension, eventually explicit sex etc. ER setting. Reader 26, Dr. Gojo 34, small age gap, work sex, complications, lots of humor, eventual drama and angst

=͟͟͞♡ Summary- You are the top Surgical Doctor intern, along with Maki, Yuta and Toge. You all are exhausted from passing the first month, sixteen plus hour days, days you don't even go home, all to get a top spot with the star Surgeon, Dr. Gojo, your resident doctor and boss. Or as you call him, Dr. Hojo. He's takes nothing serious but his surgeries it seems, and has a reputation for being a player, but he has that top spot, so you want to prove your worth! You just have to ignore those stupid butterflies he gives you, and those pretty blue eyes, along with his interest in you, and focus!

Toying with the idea of making this a full story soon! Comment to get added to the tag list when I do :) A rough draft of the beginning. Enjoy!

Part One

Fuck, you’re exhausted, the first month of your internship as a surgeon was brutal, you haven’t had but a couple hours of sleep here and there, mostly on some of the hospital beds. Your bones ache, your skincare routine is barely hanging by a thread, and your hair is a wreck in a messy bun today. You thought med school was difficult, but it was nothing like this.

“Hey, you okay babe?” Your best friend Maki Zenin asks softly, you look at her and smile, nodding, she purses her lips, tilting her glasses.  “No you’re not.”

“I’m wiped, Maki. This patient injected cocaine up his ass.” She bursts out laughing right in the middle of the hospital floor, you cover her mouth quickly, looking around. “Shh!”

“Shit, forreal? I thought my case was bad, he’s been here eight times for hits of pain meds since I have been here, he keeps bashing his hand on shit.” She sighs, handing her files to the desk then picking up several more.

You’re both in your pale blue scrubs, Maki’s pretty green hair is high up in a ponytail, now your other two best friends from your internship come up, Inumaki Toge and Yuta Okkotsu, both looking exhausted along with you. Yuta’s eye bags rival yours by far, he slicks back his dark hair as you all check the time on your watches.

“Another sixteen hours almost down.” He says through a yawn.

“Tired.” Inumaki says, and you sigh, nodding in agreement.

“Fuck that, we need to throw a party.” Maki says, somehow still so energetic, and you’re so confused how it’s possible.

“Party?” Inumaki asks, he’s certainly a man of few words, but his violet eyes explain whatever anyone needs to know.

“No way, Maki. Fuck that.” Yuta says, earning Maki sticking her tongue out at him.

“Buzz kill, ugh. Listen, this weekend, we’ll invite some of the people from our class, we can invite some of the other interns too. Ooh, maybe even those sexy resident doctors.” She wiggles her brows with a mischievous little grin.

“Maki, we're too old for that shit now.”  You grumble.

“Bitch we’re twenty six? How are we old.”

“I feel ancient.” Yuta agrees. “Coffee everyone?”

“I have to stop by Doctor Gojo’s real quick, meet you all there?” You say, and they nod, waving you off as you head to your Resident doctor’s office. Dr. Gojo was the boss of you four, one of the residents along with Dr. Nanami and Dr. Geto. All three were fawned over by all the interns, except you. 

Yes they were gorgeous, and yes Dr. Gojo was positively beautiful, with his snowy white hair, his glittery blue eyes, his big grin. But you were just too exhausted and too beat to really fawn over someone, especially someone you really could not be with, seeing as he is your resident, you’re just a little intern. Satoru also happens to be the top surgeon in the hospital.

You go to knock but see his door is cracked open, you carefully take the knob in your hand, twisting it and peeking your head in, seeing Satoru Gojo’s head fall back, as he’s gasping. You look curiously, but his hands are up on the desk, as he’s biting his lower lip, his brows together, eyes shut. You clear your throat and he jerks then, clearing his throat.

“Um… hey intern.” He says, his voice clipped. You shut the door behind you, tilting your head curiously at him, his face reddening slightly.

“Dr. Gojo, I have a question about this patient, is everything okay? It won’t take very long.” You say, and his eyes flicker over your face, an expression you can’t explain, as he sucks in a breath.

“I um… can listen… in… fuck, fuck!” He moans then, he clearly moans, and you hear a bump on his desk now. “Oh, oh that’s so much better.”

“I… what the fuck!?” He flushes then, sliding back, and one of the nurses jumps up, giggling now and wiping her mouth, she has pretty blue hair.

“Thank you Miwa, you’re a gem.” He stands, patting her head with a smile, and she giggles again, as you watch in confusion, your brows together, mouth open. “I need to talk to her about cool doctor things, I’ll see you around later?”

Cool Doctor things.

Blow jobs on the clock?

How is this your boss?

“Yes, Dr. Gojo. Hi there!” She waves at you, as if nothing has happened, as if she wasn’t just sucking Dr. Gojo off, and he’s looking bashful!?

“What the hell is this shit? Lock a door?” He comes to you, locking the big door with a click behind you. “Not now!”

“I forgot it was open, shit. I’m sorry. Stress relief, you know.” He smiles down at you, a stupid smirk you’d like to smack off his pretty face, hands in the pockets of his long white doctor jacket. “Don’t you ever need any?”

You heat up at his husky tone, as you realize just what you’d walked into. It had been a long time since you’d even thought that way, not just with Med school but now being an intern, especially since you broke up with your ex months back. “What? Yuck don’t come near me.”

“Why, ya jealous.” He brushes your hair back, earning your glare. “You’re awfully cute when you are.”

“Jealous of you? No thanks, I'm good. I sure am not part of your fan club.”

Satoru pouts. “Yeah, and you’re the only one.”

“Yep. Anyway, I’m now disturbed.” You shiver with feigned disgust, making him snort a bit in laughter. “But I only came in here to go over Mr. Lewis.” Sighing, you hand him the file with a gentle brush of your fingers against his palm. “He's been a difficult case.”

“Fuck, the cocaine dude? Ah shit, it’s that bad?”

“We have him stable, but something about it threw me off, how could it be that severe of an effect? Colitis has lasted days now and no improvement.”

“Mmm, true. But it makes sense, you can’t just inject cocaine into the anus and… have a party.” A hint of laughter escapes from his lips before he can control it, earning a stern look from you, making him study the file more carefully.

“Be serious.”

“I’m your boss, you know!”

“Yeah, somehow. Anyway, I feel there is something underlying. Perhaps exasperated by the cocaine.”

“Up the ass! Hah!” He’s smacking his long leg now, chuckling, earning your glare. “Oof you’re so serious, sorry, carry on.” He gives you a mock salute, and your eyes are so far back in your head they might stay that way.

“So I’m wondering if he has something else, untreated, the man has no history of any doctor visits since he was living with his parents.”

He taps his chin then. “Hmm, good point. It’s possible. Have we checked him for Chron’s?”

“Shit, maybe, that would make so much sense too, his white blood cell count is through the roof. I’ll leave a note to run some tests before I go.” You take the folder back then, your fingers brushing, and it brings a blush to your cheeks.

“What’s wrong, intern?”

“Just weirded out by you, Dr. Hojo.” He snorts then.

“Dr. Hojo!?”

“It’s what they call you, I guess it’s true.” You say, raising a brow, and he is leaning close, too close. You can smell that stupidly expensive cologne he wears every day, filling your senses far too much. You try to avoid those eyes, even though you look at them all the time, they still are…

Too much.

“And you don’t ever wanna just get eaten out?” You blush more now, looking down as he stands up tall, so fucking tall over you. “Don’t be shy now, we spend more time together than alone.”

“I don’t do that when not in relationships.” He pauses, and you expect some joke, since he takes nothing serious but surgery it seems. But he tilts your chin up, and studies you with those eyes, lids lowering ever so slightly.

“Aw, so you’re a good girl.” He says teasingly, causing a warm sensation to spread through your stomach at his words. You shake your head and try to ignore the fluttering feeling within you.

“Don’t say that!”

“Turn you on?”

“No! Jesus. I don’t care what people do with their bodies, I don’t care if you’re a whole manwhore-”

“Excuse me!”

“But I just need a relationship, I’m not attracted to just looks, there has to be a deeper connection.” He studies you carefully now, so serious unlike his usual goofy demeanor.

“Hmm, a challenge.”

“What now?” You glare up at him, clutching the folders to your chest tightly. “Not a challenge, you psycho. Go get all the blowjobs you want, like Thanos collecting all those infinity stones.”

He grins, sharp little fangs glinting, and you don’t like the effects it’s having on your body, or your mind. You can barely take a breath. “You’re actually so funny, holy shit.”

“You don’t really know me. Aside from work.”

“You never take me up on any of those offers of coffee, or grabbing a bite, all you do is work Missy. All work, no play, makes a sad girl.” He taps your nose, and it scrunches up, making him smile a bit. “Cute.”

“Whatever, I have to work my ass off, it’s important, I have to make sure I get to scrub in with you. That chance comes at the end of this month.”

“Well you’re the top intern I have, so don’t worry so much.” He pats your shoulder, and you blink a bit. “Surprised? How. You graduated top of the school, you bust your cute little butt, and you’re intelligent, caring for your patients. Of course I was picking you first.”

“Oh my god…”

“You’ve ruined your own surprise. Act surprised when you find out, mmkay?” You hug him then, heart racing as you think of it. “Oh so now you like me.”

“I can really scrub in to a surgery with you!?” You couldn't contain your excitement as you leaned back and looked up at Satoru Gojo. He nodded, his hands taking hold of your waist through your scrubs, and that touch?

Does things, fuck.

“I’m so sorry-”

“You’re fine, intern. Stay a little longer.” You nervously step back, his hands are still on your waist, making you tremble, as your eyes both lock.

“I can never fuck such an opportunity up. Um… thank you though, that gives me so much hope, maybe I can actually relax for two minutes!” He smiles softly, nodding, his hands falling to his sides. “I’m sorry I…”

“Interrupted? Nah. Think you made me cum quick.”

“What!?” You glare again, and his smirk makes you itch to smack him all over again. “Dr. Gojo!”

“You’re so pretty though, I think it made her job quicker. Win win.”

“I’m out of here. Ugh.” You turn away, hand on the knob, and then his comes on top of it and gently unlocks it with a twist, you feel his hard body against your back, and you get overwhelmed in his office, damn near unable to breathe, as he’s clearly…

Is Dr. Gojo inhaling your hair!?

“New shampoo?” He asks, you turn to glare up at him, putting your faces far, far too close.

“How would you know my…”

“You always wear that one that smells like strawberries, this one is more floral. Hmm I don’t know if I like it as much, but it’s still yummy.”

“I… you…”

“See you later, intern.” He says softly, then finally steps away, leaving you reeling as you hastily step out without a word, leaning your back against his door, shutting your eyes for a moment in the quiet hall his office is in. You shake yourself out of it quickly, he’s just being…

Dr. Hojo.

Notorious womanizer, but the best damn surgeon there was, a whole idiot and yet an entire genius. And not your type, not at all, even if he’s gorgeous, you did not like man whores, or men that aren’t serious, especially not your boss, anyway. Fucking your boss in this industry would essentially make everyone question every accomplishment as favoriteism.

You sure weren’t going to sacrifice all your hard work for some dick.

You bounce away, heading to the little cafe where your friends are waiting, sitting next to Yuta who hands you a coffee with a little smile. “Thank you, ugh.”

“You’re welcome, girlie.”

“So, party?”

“Maki!” You three say, and she sighs, shooting her espresso down.

“Next weekend! Come on you guys, what do you say?”

“Oh fine.” You concede. Maki, Yuta and Toge all live with you, in your town home, since you could absolutely not afford it yourself, with the shitty pay of your internship and the college bills. It was left to you, but you still had property taxes and other bills, so they helped a ton. “No one better fuck my house up, I swear.”

“Hell yeah, here’s to a party bitches.” She holds up her little styrofoam cup, and you all cheers each other then, laughing.

“Party, hmm?” Comes Dr. Gojo’s voice, he’s standing there with Dr. Geto and Dr. Nanami. You all get nervous then, but he grins. “I’m coming. What about you guys?”

“No way.” Nanami grumbles, he’s very serious, his glasses slung over his sandy blond hair, his face exhausted.

“I’ll come.” Dr. Geto chimes in, chuckling and sipping his coffee, he’s as tall as Dr. Gojo and well swoon worthy. He would be more your type you think, with that serious yet fun nature, whereas Dr. Gojo…

“C’mon Nanami. You gotta, you gotta, you-”

“Jesus you’re a child.” You say, and Gojo gasps at you, Geto and even Nanami laugh, only earning Gojo’s scowl.

“You brat, I’m a good eight years older than you!”

“You look like a twenty year old frat boy.”

"And you look like an angry little brat!” He shot back, only causing more laughter to erupt from the group.

“Okay, okay.” Dr. Geto holds up his hands now. “Let’s be nice, kids.”

“Kids! Suguru I’m older than you.” Gojo says with a glare.

“Like six months. Anyway, we’ll be there at this party, text us the details? We’d love to unwind.” Dr. Geto says, and Maki jumps up now, as you and Gojo are glaring at each other across your table. “Got it, thank you Maki.”

“Of course, we’ll invite both of your interns too. It’ll be much needed after hell month.” You just sit there, as they all talk, and Gojo is all pouty, like a baby. You peek at your phone now, seeing a text from your shitty ex, your face falls.

“Everything okay?” Maki asks softly, and you sigh, nodding.

“Just the ex.” You whisper back.

“Ex huh?” Satoru has somehow gotten behind you, leaning over, you smack at his hand then, glaring. “What, I wanna know!”

“You’re too fucking much sometimes. Ugh.” You stand up then, slinking past him. “I’m headed to get changed and then I’m leaving. See you all at home?” They all nod, eyeing you and Satoru curiously, you wave at the Doctors then head out.

Ugh, along with Satoru just being… weird and annoying, and your ex? He was a toxic, needy mess. He’d left you because you didn’t have enough time for him, and maybe you really didn’t, how could you have a relationship until your internship was finished? The first week none of you even left the hospital, sleeping in bunk beds and showering there.

But he constantly needed you, made you feel guilty, would fuck with your alarms and everything. Thank God he was long gone, even if he was annoying you currently, you delete his messages, heading to the locker room and hearing steps. You look back curiously to see Satoru holding the door open for you.

“What are you doing?”

“I am sorry, that was rude of me.”

“Yeah, well, what’s new.” You both walk into the locker room now, Satoru’s shrugging off his white lab coat, your cheeks heat up while you slip off your scrub top, it was normal to change in front of everyone, you all had co op locker rooms and showers even, all of you took years of anatomy, the human body was nothing really but parts.

But as you feel his eyes on you, when you’re down to just a black lace bra and a pair of boy shorts, you tense a bit, looking at him, shirtless, his lips parted as he looks at you. “I am sorry I know I annoy you, Miss perfect.”

“I’m no Miss perfect. I guess I have a lot to prove.” You say softly, trying not to drink in his rippling muscles, perfect well defined torso, cuts low where he’s now sliding up a pair of dark blue jeans.

His blue eyes fixate on you as he does, as you’re sliding on a pair of jeans yourself, buttoning them with trembling hands. “I had a lot to prove once too. I do understand.”

“You’re being serious?” You tease, earning a little smile, as he slides a black long sleeve shirt over his head. You get flustered as you realize your nipples are pressed against the cups of your bra, sliding your shirt and then a jacket on yourself, sitting at the bench to slide on your black boots.

“I can be serious sometimes, I just think there’s enough death, sadness, and depression in this career. Why not just try to have some fun? Otherwise, it’ll just consume you.” He says softly, in that husky voice of his, so sexy it alone could wreck someone. But his words…

“That makes sense.” You say softly now, standing as he does, grabbing your purse and locking up your locker, spinning the combination, at the same time he grabs his keys and wallet. “So you try to… brighten up things.”

“Yeah, someone has to.” He walks to you then, tapping your nose once more. “You’re too serious, you’ll have to lighten up, or this career will wreck you.”

You nod then, carefully, realizing perhaps this slutty, silly doctor had a lot more to him, than just being the perfect surgeon. “I’ll take that advice. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, also…” He leans forward as you all are stepping out of the locker room, headed toward the automatic glass doors, and you look at him curiously. “Nice panties.”

“Oh fuck you, Dr. Hojo!” You glare now, shoving at him, as he heads to his mercedes benz, and you’re in your ancient SUV that sounds like a beast.

“Night-night, intern.” He shoots you two fingers, sliding into his fancy car with blacked out windows. You roll your eyes, putting your car in gear.

What a day.

This is just a little bit of what I'm thinking of doing when I finish up my Lawyer Gojo story, thought I'd see who wants to be tagged and is interested in this :) Look forward to your thoughts on Dr. Hojo lol!

[lucyblue101]

Our happy ending 🥹

Satoru x reader

Context: this is based in a au after Satoru got rid of the higher ups and after Sukuna has been defeated.

It had been a day. A rough one. Y/N was running on empty, physically and emotionally drained. The endless demands at work, the impossible deadlines, the constant feeling of being overwhelmed—it was too much. She had tried to hold it together all day, keeping her composure for the sake of professionalism, but as she stepped into the apartment and saw the familiar, comforting warmth of home, it all came crashing down.

Her eyes stung with unshed tears, but she refused to cry, not yet, not until she was alone. But as she kicked off her shoes, trying to shake off the weight of the day, she was greeted by an unexpected presence. The smell of his cologne wafted through the air, and she turned to see Satoru Gojo standing in the doorway, a soft smile playing on his lips.

"Y/N, you’re home early," she heard him say, a hint of surprise in his voice.

Her heart twisted in her chest. He was here—early, before the exhaustion of her day could fully take hold. But the moment he looked at her, the dam inside her broke. She didn’t even try to hold it in as she collapsed in front of him, the tears that had been threatening to fall all day finally escaping.

Satoru immediately moved towards her, concern flashing across his features as he knelt in front of her. "Y/N?" His voice was soft, as if he already knew what was happening. "Hey, talk to me. What’s wrong?"

She didn’t answer. The words couldn’t come. She just shook her head, the tears flowing freely now, her body trembling from the weight of the emotions that had been bottled up for far too long. Satoru didn’t say another word. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, cradling her close to him.

"You’ve been working too hard," he murmured, his hands rubbing her back soothingly. "Let it out, okay? You’re safe here."

Y/N didn’t know how long she stayed there, just held in his embrace, letting all the hurt, frustration, and exhaustion pour out of her. Satoru’s presence was a steady anchor, a calming force that slowly helped to ease the tension in her body.

After a few minutes, he gently guided her to the bedroom, sitting down on the bed with her in his arms. He laid her down on his lap, smoothing her hair away from her face as she curled up against him, still sniffling, her cheeks wet with tears. His fingers brushed through her hair in slow, deliberate strokes, the gesture so comforting and tender it almost made her want to melt into him.

"I know you’re exhausted," he said softly, his voice warm and full of understanding. "And I know things have been hard. But listen to me, Y/N. It’s going to get better. My students are more capable now, and with the higher-ups out of the picture, I’m going to be around so much more. I’m going to be here for you. We’ll finally have the time we deserve."

Y/N's heart fluttered as his words sank in. It was exactly what she needed to hear, the promise of a future where they could finally find happiness together, without the burdens that had kept them apart for so long.

"I want to marry you, Y/N," he continued, his voice low and serious. "I want to grow old with you. I want a life with you, not just moments in between missions. No more distractions, no more distance. Just us."

The words hit her like a wave, crashing over her and sweeping away any remaining sadness. She turned her head to look up at him, eyes wide with surprise, and then her lips curled into the brightest, happiest smile she’d worn in days.

The tears came again, but this time they were different—happy tears, filled with relief and love. "You mean it?" she whispered, her voice shaky but full of joy.

"Of course I mean it," he replied with a soft chuckle, his thumb brushing away the fresh tears from her cheeks. "I’ve wanted nothing more than to be with you, to build a life together. And now I can finally do that. We can finally be happy. You’ve waited long enough, and I’m done making you wait."

Y/N blinked, the weight in her chest finally lifting as she looked up at him with so much love and gratitude. "I love you so much, Satoru."

"I love you too, more than you’ll ever know." His words were filled with sincerity, and he leaned down to kiss her forehead, the warmth of his lips a final promise of the future they would share.

As she snuggled deeper into his lap, the stress of the day seemed to fade away. With Satoru here, with him promising to be by her side always, Y/N finally felt at peace. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to rest in the security of his arms, knowing that no matter what the future held, they would face it together.

Tag list (let me know if you wanna go on the tag list 🥹

@canigotosleep--plz

@tibibibi123

@haruhatake

@hargun-s

@itsafairytalekay

@mistymuii

@moonchhu

[under-loch-n-key]

Hi everyone. Obviously everyone has seen the news and read the polls and obviously you can tell that we’re likely cooked.

For some reason our country wants to elect the Mango Menace and his gaggle of orange stained goons once again.

I am terrified for myself, my loved ones, my country, our climate, and just everything.

However, I’d like to tell the LGBTQIA+ community these things because I know we are terrified right now.

What happened today, it’s devastating. It angers me too. Some of my closest family voted for that horrible man. I don’t think I can look at them the same way anymore. Especially, when they hold no guilt or remorse about it even after I explained his policies to them. What do I know, I guess.. 🤷🏻‍♂️🙄

However, as a queer, trans man in this little community, I want ALL of the LGBTQIA+ people who will see this post to know that things will be alright. We all have each other. We know we exist here in the states even if none of us have met. We EXIST.

Just because those orange stained dunderheads want to silence us doesn't change the fact that we exist. We do. We always will. Bigotry cannot fight facts and science. We'll always exist. The only time trans people won't exist is when the human race dies out. Even then, we have other animal species that are queer and trans. No matter what, we will always exist in nature. They cannot change that. They cannot take that from us. Do not lose hope. Even though it's really fucking hard not to.

Do not lose it. The fact that you and I exist is a beacon of hope to another trans and queer person. We exist. None of us want to be left here alone. So we must go on. We must continue to exist. Things WILL be okay. I'll always keep fighting and living for you and every one of my trans and queer brothers, sisters, and siblings.

You existing and simply being here is a beacon of hope to me. Someone who has understands how I'm feeling. Someone who is LIKE me but so different at the same time.

In the grand scheme of the universe, we are very small. However, even though it's small, the fact is that it EXISTS. It's so fucking small in this big void of the cosmos but we're here. We're made of similar components as stars, ones that had to die for us to exist.

I like to think of the sky as when humanity was truly equal. When we were just atoms in the big ol' void, ya know? We didn't fight. We didn't give a shit about all of this stuff. We were allll different types of stars and matter. We were all random as hell, but we just WERE. We coexisted peacefully together in the universe.

Now that those stars are dead as a door nail and some dumb fishy bastard decided to get curious and walk on land, we're all human. Humanity fucking sucks ass sometimes but it's also such a beautiful fucking thing. No matter what happens, a part of us will always exist.

Our existence is embedded in the universe. Nothing can change that. So, please keep living. Be safe, but keep living. Always keep fighting. We belong here just like anyone else.

You belong. You are loved. You are cherished. You are noticed by me and other people here. We all understand each other. So keep going. Again, one day we will all have a better tomorrow. I swear to fucking god or whatever the hell is out there, if anything, however it's unlikely, I will ALWAYS keep fighting for you and WITH you.

Every protest l attend. Every petition I sign. Every time I vote. Every time I go to pride. Every time l simply leave my home as I am. I am doing it for you and all of us. Our people WILL have our damn tomorrow. I'm sick of us not having it. I swear to you we will. So, again, please keep going. Keep fighting. Keep living. Exist. Your existence may be a threat to some bigoted fucker but your existence is precious to someone else. Please do not let them take your right to exist away from you. Keep going.

We’ll have a better tomorrow, the one that we deserve eventually, but we just need get through the hard, bumpy, dirty road first.

Again, we will be okay. Everything will be okay. We’ll get through it. Yes, unfortunately, we will likely see suicide rates and hate crime rates go up and that's disgusting and just all types of awful and depressing. It angers me beyond words.

However, we are strong.

We shouldn't have to be strong though.

What we should be and need to be is loved, accepted, warm, fed, have shelter, and are safe.

For now though, we remain strong. You will always have a place here.

You will live. You will not die, hun. I know the thought creeps in and believe me, I understand. Those thoughts creep in for me too, but we must learn to try to control them. If there's anything I know about us trans and queer folk it's that we're strong, feisty, kind, very sexy, and cheeky as hell. So, if we live, we live because it's our damn right and to be spiteful. We do not owe the people who want to harm us our lives. We just don't. We deserve healthcare. We deserve to love and get married.

We deserve to grow old.

You will grow old. You will be able to go on those trips you've always wanted. You will be able to have that cheesy romance you've always wanted, if you are someone who is wanting a relationship.

You'll be able to sit down and watch your favourite movie. Why? Because you stayed. You didn't give up. Ever. We will always exist.

We will ALWAYS live.

Being transgender has existed before humans even walked this earth and it will still exist when all of us book our holy bus tickets and the blessed holy tax collector comes to collect our debted souls. No matter what, we will live on. They can silence us all they want and erase whatever the fuck they want but that doesn't mean that it's the truth. We're HERE.

We've been here since forever ago. Those Cheeto dusted dunderheads cannot change that. Like I told another person here, other animals and even plants are trans and queer! We've always been here. That won't change, hun.

Everything WILL be okay. We'll always survive and live on. Look at how far we've come in these past years. Many of us thought that we'd be gone already but here we are, two trans people typing away in comment sections on an app where middle age men get off to octopus porn and neko ladies in Japanese school girl outfits because men. and welcome to the internet, I guess. Lmao.

Everything will work out on way or another. We'll have our tomorrow, hun. For now, we gotta buckle down because we're in for a bumpy ride but hey, thankfully on bumpy you have those moments where ya hit the bump just right and you're like

"WOAH, HELLO!- mister bump, you better watch yourself, you saucy boy~ You can't be doin' that. You better take me to dinner first." Lmao. Okay, on a more serious note, we just gotta buckle down together and get through this bumpy ass dirt road because after awhile you make it through that rocky dirt road in the woods and come out to feel smooth pavement again. It'll be alright. We just need to band together and make it through. We all are always stronger together. You're not alone, my friends.

You're talkin' to a guy who has the personality of a gay muppet with a big mouth. I'm shocked nothin’ has happened to me yet with my yappy ass screeching and getting over 80+ gay people to start baa-ing like sheep at a bigot at last year's pride event, but that's a wholeeeee different situation.

My point is, we'll be okay. We'll make it through.

You'll survive. You have me. You have everyoneeeee here and on other social forums. Sure, it's not the same as in-person interactions but it's somethin'. It’s better than nothing I guess. If we’ve gotta go stealth mode eventually and make secret groups for us trans and queer folk, then so be it.

Just do whatever you feel you need to do to keep yourselves safe.

We'll have a better tomorrow. We just need to keep pushing through this rough shit. We'll get out of the woods and onto smooth pavement with open skies eventually.

Continue to exist. Fight. Be safe, but live. Live for yourself, fellow trans people, and simply for spite.

Fuck bigots. Not actually though. Like DON'T fuck them. Who knows where they've been. But fuck them. They're not worth your life. Their bigotry is not worth your life. Live because it's your right.

Those guys are all so far up Donald Trump’s ass he fired his doctor and hired his supporters to give him a colonoscopy.

So, live long. Live for love and live for spite, my friends. We'll get through this.

It’s Trump 2: Electric Boogaloo. SPOILER: The first movie sucked too. They even tried to make a third one — Mango Menace Strikes Back! We didn’t want to come to the theatre to see the second one but it was a class field trip that most of America signed for us. So, we’ve allll got no choice but to go on the trip to the cinema.

Anyways, things will be okay. We’ll make it through. We’ll out get it figured out. We always do. We’ll take care of each other. Everything will be alright. 🤙🏼💛⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✨

(Sorry for typos and repetitive speech- it’s 4:14 a.m. EST. 😭😭)

[thehereticdiaries]

Pack Mentality: Chapter Two

Chapter Summary: You meet your new pack after having a rather embarrassing conversation with Chan Warnings: Talk of past abuse/controlling behavior

Series Masterlist

As you stepped into the elevator of the dorm building, you were trying not to stare at Seungmin. Keyword: trying. If he noticed, he didn’t say anything. You weren’t trying to be rude or make him uncomfortable, you were just confused. During the walk from the hobby shop to the dorms, Seungmin’s scent started changing. Well, not exactly changing, he still smelled of a comforting mix of cedarwood and lemon, but it was like it was getting stronger. That something extra that you smelled on Chan was slowly permeating Seungmin’s scent. 

“I told everyone except for our other omega to wait in their rooms.” You were shaken from your thoughts when Chan broke the silence. “I’m gonna introduce them slowly. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that,” you breathed a sigh of relief. You were nervous to meet six new people, but knowing there was another omega eased your nerves. The three of you shuffled into the landing of the dorm to take off your shoes. You stepped into an extra pair of slippers then followed Chan into the living room. Seungmin turned down another hallway, you assumed he was going to tell the others that you were here. The bright smell of citrus and spearmint radiated from a very excited blonde. 

“Hi! You must be Y/N, I’m so happy to meet you,” the blonde grinned at you. “I’m Felix.”

“You’re minty, like me.” You cringed internally. You had just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Felix’s smile somehow grew wider.

“Oh my god, you’re adorable!” Felix giggled at your reddened cheeks. “Can I give you a hug?” You nodded and Felix immediately pulled you into his chest. You buried your nose into his collarbone, inhaling his scent. You closed your eyes and allowed yourself to relax for the first time since you were brought into the shop’s office. 

“How about we sit down, get comfortable,” Chan suggested after letting you indulge for a minute. “There’s some things I’d like to talk about while it’s just you, me, and Felix.” You forced yourself to untangle from Felix with a pout. Felix pulled you to sit on his lap on the large sectional while Chan occupied the recliner. 

“Right, this is going to be a bit personal. I figured you would be less anxious with another omega present.” You tensed up slightly, now worried that he was about to tell you they didn’t need or want another omega in the pack.

“It’s okay, love. We’re just getting your boundaries set in place,” Felix whispered, trailing his fingers over your spine. You sunk further into the blonde, nodding for them to continue.

“Do you know when your next heat is due?” Your eyes widened, not expecting the alpha to bring up your heat. It was a taboo subject at your parents’ home.

“Oh- um, it’s due in two and a half weeks. Why?” 

“I need to know if you want help with it or if you want to handle it yourself,” Chan explained. Your eyebrows furrowed.

“What do you mean?” You looked to Felix. “I thought I would just be locked in my room. That’s what my dad did whenever I went into heat.” Felix’s jaw dropped in horror, and you heard Chan inhale sharply.

“Sweetheart, I promise I am nothing like your dad. You don’t have to deal with your heat alone if you don’t want to. And if you do, we’ll get you set up at a heat sanctuary hotel.” Your eyes snapped back to Chan. 

“I didn’t even know those existed,” you admitted. Chan pinched the bridge of his nose, blown away by just how cruel your own father was to you. “You’d really help me? I don’t have to deal with the pain myself?”

“We are more than willing to help. Although I would be the first to do so,” Chan noted. 

“Wh- what?” 

“I’m the pack alpha, so I’m the first to have sex with our omegas.” You hid your flushed face behind your hands. 

“Awe, you don’t need to hide,” Felix cooed at your embarrassment. You peeked between your fingers at Chan, who waited patiently for you to signal him to continue. 

“I, um, I’ve never- I haven’t-” You struggled to form a coherent sentence. 

“Ah, you haven’t had sex yet?” You shook your head. “That’s okay, and if you don’t want to yet, I won’t be upset. You don’t have to answer right now. Think it over and let me know sometime next week.”

“I will,” you confirmed. “Are more pack members coming out soon?”

“I have one other question. It’s still about your heat, so you don’t have to answer right away,” Chan paused to check that you were still comfortable. “I don’t know if you’ve picked up on it, but you’re my mate.”

“Is that why your scent is different?” Your eyes widened in realization. 

“Yes, I didn’t want to freak you out, but I could tell from the moment I met you,” Chan revealed with a soft smile. Your heart swelled at the way he looked at you.

“Wait, Seungmin smells that way to me, too. Does that mean I have to choose one of you?” You fretted, unsure if you’d be able to make that choice.

“You don’t have to choose. It’s possible to have more than one mate,” Felix interjected. “Chan’s my mate, too. Got the mark to prove it and everything.” You paused, trying to find the right words to express your emotions.

“If I’m being honest, I never expected to find a pack, let alone a mate. Does this mean I’ll have a pack mark and two claiming marks?” You were trying to process the new information. 

“That’s exactly what I wanted to ask you,” Chan stated. “If you ask me to help with your heat, I’ll need to know beforehand if you want me to claim you.”

“O-oh! Why do you need to know before?”

“You’re not going to be totally yourself. You may ask for things while in that state of mind that you don’t actually mean.” You nodded slowly, absentmindedly picking at your fingers. “If you tell me that you don’t want to be claimed yet, I won’t do it even if you beg during your heat.”

“Okay, it’s a lot to think about, but I promise I’ll let you know soon.” Chan relaxed into the recliner, smiling fondly at you and Felix.

“You ready for Seungmin to bring out the other betas?” Felix asked while grabbing your hands to stop your nervous habit, mirroring the earlier actions of his alpha. You took a deep breath and nodded. Chan whipped out his phone, sending a text to Seungmin. Moments later, you heard rapid footsteps coming toward the living room. 

“New omega!!” A man with a heart-shaped smile slid across the hardwood. His enthusiasm caused you to giggle, which in turn had his smile brighten. Seungmin and another dark-haired man appeared behind the first. 

“Hi, Y/N, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Hyunjin and that’s Jisung,” the calmer of the two newcomers introduced. Jisung plopped on the couch next to you and Felix, squeezing between your bodies and the arm of the couch and blocking Chan from view. The remaining betas sat on your other side. 

“Wow, you’re so pretty,” Jisung sighed, leaning his head on the back of the couch. 

“Thank you,” you squeaked, pink flooding your cheeks once again. Jisung’s smile morphed into a smirk.

“You’re even prettier when you blush,” he teased. You hid in Felix’s neck, causing the two to laugh. 

“Jisung,” Chan warned from his spot on the recliner. 

“Sorry, sorry.” The beta raised his hands in surrender. After Seungmin coaxed you out of your hiding spot, conversation flowed easily. They asked about your studies and how you liked your university, and you asked them about their job. 

“So you guys are idols? I’m part of a super famous pack?” You questioned. Seungmin snickered from behind you, so you turned to face him. “Is it really that funny? I’m only asking because I’m not sure if your fans will like me.”

“When you’re ready for us to announce you, STAY will love you. And if they have an issue, they aren’t real fans,” Hyunjin reassured. 

“Even if the fans are okay with me being in the pack, what about the company? Do you think they’ll have an issue with me having two of you as mates?” The betas perked up at the mention of mates.

“Two?” Jisung repeated. 

“Mhm. Chan and Seungmin,” you confirmed, a little nervous that the others would be upset or feel left out. 

“Oooooo! You lucky bastards,” Jisung complained half-heartedly. 

“And she hasn’t even met the other alphas yet. Maybe she has more.” Felix wiggled his eyebrows at you. You snorted, slapping a hand over your mouth. They didn’t look upset, much to your relief. Seungmin stared at you, looking utterly lovestruck, a fact that Hyunjin did not let slide.

“Awwweeee, look at Min!” Hyunjin poked Seungmin’s side repeatedly. “He’s got heart eyes.”

“Shut up,” Seungmin muttered while swatting the older beta’s hand away. 

“Alright, alright, calm down,” Chan spoke up after staying silent for most of the conversation. “Y/N, are you good to meet the others? They’re gonna come in one at a time.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I’m excited to meet them,” you agreed. Chan sent another message out, and a minute later a young man with fox-like eyes entered the room. He grinned upon seeing you. His scent washed over you like a warm blanket. Cinnamon and vanilla soothed your nerves, feeling like you just stepped into a bakery.

“Hello, I’m Jeongin,” he greeted softly. He sat a little further from you on the same side as Seungmin. You wiggled your way out of Felix’s lap so you could sit between him and Jisung. It was easier to see everyone now that you were facing forward. The beta made a small noise of excitement, throwing an arm around your shoulders. 

“You smell like a cinnamon bun,” you mumbled dreamily. Jeongin looked to his lap to hide his blush, but the tips of his ears gave him away as they burned red. 

“Someone’s embarrassed,” Seungmin said in a sing-song voice while pinching the youngest pack member’s cheek. Jeongin groaned and pushed the beta’s hand away.

“Oh- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass anyone,” you apologized. “I just got excited cus this is the first time I’ve been comfortable around alphas.”

“Alphas usually make you uncomfortable?” Hyunjin asked despite the silent signals from Chan telling him to stop. You frowned and squished your cheek into Felix’s shoulder.

“They normally scare me. The only alphas I’ve been around were my dad and his friends.” 

“You don’t have to be scared of alphas anymore.” Jeongin’s pretty smile was gone, his lips pressed into a thin line. “I promise, me and Chan and everyone in this pack will make sure you’re safe.” 

“Thank you,” you smiled at Jeongin before turning to Chan. “I know you wanted the alphas to come in one at a time, but can I meet them both now? I want to have the whole pack together.”

“Yeah, I’ll call them in.” Chan sent out another text. His alpha puffed up with pride, pleased that you were already so caring for his pack. Once again, rapid footsteps approached the room. A very excited (and very muscular) man ran in with a bright smile. He immediately dropped down next to Jeongin. A much calmer man walked in next. He froze in his tracks, eyes locking onto you and nostrils flaring. 

“Minho, you alright?” Jisung asked. Minho ignored him, moving to kneel in front of you, never breaking eye contact. He gently grabbed your hand, running his thumb across your knuckles. 

“You’re real.” Tears gathered on the alpha’s lash line. “I’ve always hoped I would find my mate, just like my parents found each other.” You compulsively brushed your fingers over his cheekbone, your own eyes growing misty. 

“Does anyone want to explain what’s happening here?” The moment was broken by the alpha beside Jeongin. Minho exhaled loudly through his nose and you snickered at his annoyed expression. 

“Y/N is Chan, Seungmin, and Minho’s mate,” Hyunjin explained bluntly. 

“Oh no way! Congratulations on finding each other.” The alpha smacked Seungmin between his shoulder blades, earning a grunt from the beta. “I’m Changbin. He probably didn’t tell you, but Hyunjin is actually my mate.”

“Really?! Hyunjin, why didn’t you tell me?” You pouted. He only shrugged as an answer. Beside you, Jisung and Minho were having a silent conversation of eyebrow raises and head tilts, ultimately ending with the younger moving next to Changbin with a huff. Minho promptly took the spot next to you. As you looked over the pack, more specifically their pajamas, you came to a realization.

“I don’t have any of my stuff. What am I going to wear?” You asked, looking at Chan.

“You can use our clothes for now. Felix’s should fit alright, but we do need to decide when to go to your parents’ house for your belongings,” he noted and pulled up the pack’s shared calendar. “Looks like after Monday, we won’t have any days off for two weeks.”

“Dude, today’s Saturday. We’d have to go either tomorrow or Monday,” Jisung interjected. 

“Well, I do want to see my mom while I’m there. She has Sundays off and works from home on Mondays, so that works. But my dad also has the shop closed on Sundays and Mondays so he can be home with mom,” you explained. “I can just go by myself. You shouldn’t waste your days off helping me pack.”

“There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go to that house alone,” Chan stated firmly. “If your dad is there, then at least Changbin and I are going with you.”

“But-”

“No ‘buts’, dollface. We want to help you, so it isn’t a waste of our time off,” Changbin confirmed. You sighed, resigned to the fact they weren’t going to budge. 

“Okay, but Felix comes too. Showing up with two buff alphas would make my mom freak out.”

“Deal. Last thing to discuss is which room you’re gonna move into.” Chan ran a hand through his hair. “I’m pretty sure the only room that can fit another bed is the master bedroom with me and Jeongin.”

“Wh… what if I don’t want my own bed?” You stuttered. Chan furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you curiously.

“She wants to share a bed with someone,” Felix clarified. You nodded quickly.

“Not just one person, I’d like to sleep in everyone’s beds. I get nightmares sometimes, but I’ve never liked sleeping alone, even as a kid.” 

“I think we can arrange that,” Chan confirmed, grinning like an idiot.

“I’ll text my mom to see if we can go tomorrow.” You relaxed into Minho’s side and pulled out your phone.

“What the hell is that?” Felix pointed at your cracked iPhone 4. 

“My phone…?” You faltered at the disbelief on everyone’s faces. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s extremely outdated. I’m surprised it’s still running,” Chan scoffed. “I’m assuming your dad wouldn’t get you a newer phone?” You shook your head.

“Your dad should be thankful that I’m not going with you,” Minho seethed, a muscle flexing as he clenched his jaw. You didn’t answer, opting to text your mom. She answered right away, like always, which made you smile.

“We can go over tomorrow, they don’t have any plans,” you stated. 

“Right, so we’ll be getting you a new phone then going to pack up,” Chan started. “I don’t want you relying on that man anymore, and I’m nervous he may just cut your phone off.” You hummed in acknowledgement. You chatted with your new pack with a movie playing as background noise. For the first time in a long time, you were at ease. 

Permanent Taglist: @furfoxsake22

Series Taglist: @ihrtlix @ohh-to-be-rich-and-pretty @holly-here @queen-in-the-shadows @whoreforeverythingspice @staytinyluv

[strnilolover]

NNN - matt sturniolo - survivors guilt

⚠︎TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠︎ : school lockdown, school shooting, guns, death, blood, life or death situation, witnessing death, traumatic experience, police involvement, nightmare/night terror, panic attack, use of y/n, detailed descriptions, and more.

⚠︎THIS CONTENT BELOW MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR SOME READERS. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING IN THE WARNINGS PLEASE DO NOT READ OR READ AT YOUR OWN RISK⚠︎

Flashback • 3 weeks ago

Sometimes school was something you looked forward to. Not just because of the extra curricular’s you were in or because the school work was enjoyable — it was because of your friends and matt who were able to make the days more bearable even when they were the worst of days.

Today you arrived at school a little early, hoping to get some much needed studying crunched into your already jam packed schedule. While walking up the steps to the school, you spotted Matt near the main entrance with a few of your close friends gathered around him. His blue eyes landing on you, flashing a small smile and giving a playful wave. You quickened your pace, weaving through the students until you joined them.

You took your place next to matt, flashing him a grin. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” Matt teased, nudging you with his shoulder as you just rolled your eyes. “I could say the same for you.” you fired back, punching his arm lightly. His mouth opened, holding his arm as he gave you a faked hurt expression.

You smiled, turning your head to look at your friends. “Guess I’m not the only one who had trouble getting up,” you said, glancing around at your friends, who looked equally sleepy. “You guys ready for the most thrilling English class of our lives?” the sarcasm laced your words as you wiggled your brows.

One of your friends groaned. “Only if we get to hear Mr. Klein’s riveting analysis of metaphors again.” they said as their face scrunched up, sticking their tongue out. “I think i’d only be ready if Mr.klein just dropped all lesson plans for the day.” another one of your friends grumbled.

You all shared a tired laugh, your head now resting against matt’s shoulder as you somewhat cuddled his arm. It felt comforting to be surrounded by the people who knew you best, the ones who made every day a little easier. “I was going to get some studying in, but you guys have ruined my plans.” you pouted at matt and your friends, and they all laughed.

“Sorry baby.” matt said as his hand brushed against yours, lacing your fingers together as you started to walk through the front doors, your friends on either side.

As you walked, the usual chatter filled the air—the familiar sound of lockers slamming, friends greeting each other, and the echo of hurried footsteps as everyone rushed to their first class. The energy was calm.

“Think today’s the day we finally get a pop quiz?” Matt asked, giving you a sideways grin. You rolled your eyes — at this point they might get stuck permanently like that. “Oh, please, don’t jinx it,” you laughed, giving him a playful shove.

You all made your way down the hall more, but you quickly stopped at your locker. “Just go to class without me guys! i’ll be there soon.” you said to your friends, but matt had insisted on staying with you. Your hand fiddled with the lock, twisting to all the right numbers before popping open.

“So,” Matt started, shoving a hand into his pocket while the other came to rest up on the lockers. “since you couldn’t cram in your extra studying time this morning, why don’t we study at your place tonight?” he suggests, clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

You hummed, grabbing a few books out of your locker before closing the door and securing the lock. “I dunnooo,” you drug out, turning to him as a hand reached out to pinch his side softly. “We’ll have to see if i’m in the mood to study tonight — and if my parents are okay with it.” you stated, head tilting to the side. He nodded in agreement.

The bell echoed through the halls signaling class was about to start. You and Matt both hurried down the hall to class, slipping through the door and sliding into seats beside each other, your few friends already in some seats around you. You were grateful to have them here, grateful that you didn’t have to face another long school day alone. Matt settled beside you, giving you a quick, reassuring smile as the teacher began to start class.

Once the class settled down, Mr.klein started taking attendance, calling out everyone’s name as they all said ‘present’ or ‘here’. “Okay class, today we’re going to start working on some group writing projects…” he started to explain some writing project but your attention was only half on him and more focused on Matt.

“I hate writing projects.” matt complains with a groan as his head tipped back before coming forward again and leaning toward you. Your eyes squinted, glaring at him. “Matt, babe — i’m always your partner for this shit cause you hate it.” you deadpanned, reaching your hand over to flick his arm.

He pouted, faking his sadness as he just grabbed his arm where you flicked him, you giggled before your attention shifted back to Mr.klein, listening to the instructions and taking down notes. Once he was finished explaining, you partnered up with matt, his desk moving flush to yours as you laid the plans out in front of you.

Class had been in session for about an hour now — yet you and matt couldn’t agree on a topic to write on. This always happened, he writing ideas were — okay, but this wasn’t supposed to be a goofy project. It was supposed to me serious and thought out.

You shook your head at another one of his statements. “No — no we should write about something that’ll resonate with people, not make them bored.” you argued, trying to explain to matt that writing about random shit wasn’t the way to go.

He opened his mouth, an argument right on the tip of his tongue — but was quickly cut off with the loud blaring of the intercom coming on, red lights already flashing brightly.

“Lockdown condition three, Lockdown condition three — lock doors, close blinds, barricade doors, turn off lights, take shelter.” the speakers blared, reds lights flashing and illuminating the whole room as they blinked.

You flinched, the loud sound being something you weren’t expecting. Your head turned to matt, a puzzled look on your face. “What is going on?” you asked, and all he did was shrug. You sat there listening to the speakers until another warning line was delivered.

“This is not a drill — I repeat — This is not a drill. lock doors, close blinds, barricade doors, turn off lights, take shelter.”

Your face paled, momentarily freezing as the realization hit you — that this wasn’t a drill. You sat there for a few moments, not registering that matt was trying to get you up. “babe — c’mon we have to help barricade the door-“ his words snapped you out of your daze and you nodded, shooting up your from your seat to close blinds and move things in front of the door.

The room was loud as furniture was moved and scrapped across the floor — you were frantic, running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

You put anything you could — desks, chairs, things that would keep the door closed and unavailable to get through. Matt was right there helping, along with your friends and classmates to get the job done as fast as possible.

Quickly everyone took cover in a far corner of the room, hidden away from sight from any door or window. Your body clung tightly to matt’s as the speakers repeated their warnings. Some students asking in hushed voices about what was going on.

Mr.klein hushed everyone, telling them he wasn’t sure and would let them know when he knew more information. Some students started to cry, texting families and some trying to be strong. Your friends were in the front of the group, quickly looking back at you as they all gave you small smiles of reassurance.

Everything was so piercingly quiet except for the light murmurs of classmates talking and the loud warning blaring from the speakers. Your head turned to matt as you leaned into him, “Do you think we’ll be okay?” you asked quietly. Matt just took a deep breath, “I hope so baby…i hope so.” was all he said.

You weren’t sure how long you were sitting crammed in the corner for with matt and everyone else — all there was, was this persistent ache in your legs from being curled up so tightly. It was still quiet, nothing had happened yet and Mr.klein still hadn’t said a word.

Suddenly, screams rang out through the halls outside the door, the unmistakable sound of gun shots being fired following the shrieks. Your whole body went ridged, flinching as your fists clutched matt so tight you thought you might break him. Your heart was pounding wildly — the pounding in your ears as the sounds got closer and closer.

The distant sound of sirens outside could be heard — but they weren’t close enough. You could hear the sound of fists banging on doors and walls outside before suddenly a loud bang was heard on your classroom door, the items piled toppling over as whoever was out there tried to force their way through.

Your classmates panicked, mumbling quietly out of fear. The teacher shushed everyone — bodies huddling closely together as the bangs continued. The door should hold, surely you piled so much stuff in front of it — but you were wrong.

Surely this isn’t how your life ends? You thought maybe this would never happen to your school — how selfish of yourself to think.

The loud banging continued — whoever was there was persistent on getting in here. You clutched to matt even tighter, tears now clouding your vision as you tried your best to stay calm. Matt’s hand rubbing your back in an attempt to ground you.

Then the door busts open and — everything happened so fast you weren’t sure how to react. Loud gun shots rang out — classmates piercing screams were loud as your eyes darted around until they landed on your friends. Time felt like it froze, switching to slow motion — watching as bullets were shot at them.

That was the last thing you saw before you were dragged down to lay on the floor. The bullets hitting other classmates — their blood splattering all over you as the shooter just fired shot after shot.

You were mortified, silent sobs leaving your mouth as matt’s hand covered it to keep you as silent as possible. Their limp dead bodies laid over you — covering you from the shooters eyes.

The sight of those bullets piercing their bodies — their faces, were permanently burned into your skull. The blood that spilled out, covering your body from near by classmates made you sick to your stomach.

The sound of heavy foot steps echoed the hallway, multiple bodies bursting in through the door as they shouted — police — but they were too fucking late.

Your ears were ringing, you couldn’t focus on a single thing. The only thing you could focus on was the faces of those you saw die — the blood covered faces of your dead friends. The police were still shouting around you, telling the shooter to drop his gun and surrender — another fire of a gun sounded before multiple others joined.

It felt like you were on the floor for hours before an officer came over to check on those who survived — that being you, matt and a few other people. Matt shuffled, trying to pull you up off the ground with him after the police moved those who were deceased off of you.

“y/n — sweetheart we need to go, we need to listen to the police.” he said softly, trying to get your focus on him. But you couldn’t, all your eyes were looking at still were your friends — you could have saved them, why didn’t you fucking save them?

You just stood there, eyes blankly staring at the ground where they were laying — your friends were laying. And if your mind wasn’t so focused on them, you would’ve seen the killers own dead body laying not far from you. But you weren’t — it wasn’t possible when you felt so ashamed, so — upset with yourself.

All you did was watch — you were the last thing they saw.

Your feet moved eventually, carrying you out the classroom and into the hallways as matt guided you. Even there your eyes couldn’t tear away from those who were dead — blood pouring out of their bodies, and splattered on the white walls of the school. You didn’t know what to feel — didn’t know how to feel, you still weren’t fully there.

You made it to the front entrance of the school, pushing the doors open — the blinding light of the outside world burned your retinas, or — at least that’s what it was supposed to feel like, but it didn’t.

When you were outside, families were waiting — multiple parents crying and scared, hoping and waiting for their babies to come out to them. Your own family was there, taking you into their embrace when you were finally able to see them. You wouldn’t let matt leave your side — you couldn’t. What if something happened to him too?

When you got home — still covered in blood, you immediately went to take a shower. The water was boiling hot, steam filling the bathroom as you rid yourself of your clothes. When you stepped into the tub, you took your loofa, pour ounce after ounce of soap on it.

Scrubbing your body over and over and over again until your skin had turned raw and red. Your own blood visible from how viscous you scrubbed yourself. From how desperate you wanted to be clean — to rid yourself of that burning memory in your skull.

You don’t know how many times you scrubbed yourself that night — loosing track until it hurt to scrub yourself any further, your hand eventually dropping the loofa as your body slowly slid down to sit under the shower head on the floor. You tucked in on yourself, curling up as your mind plummeted.

It should’ve have been you instead.

-

Present Time

The masked man pointed the gun directly at matt as his body stood between you and the killer, sacrificing himself to keep you safe. The man only laughed, moving it to point the barrel of the gun toward matt’s temple as he pulled the trigger. The loud ringing of a bullet firing ricocheted through your skull, making your vision unfocus.

When you came to — time had seemed to slow down. Matt’s eye’s widened, his body slowly falling to the ground.

You screamed as you watched matt’s body drop to the floor — blood pouring out of him as that same killer stood in front of you and your classmates. Your body trembling as your tried to wake him up, thinking it was just a dream before your eyes looked at the killer, the last thing you saw was his finger pulling the trigger at your head before everything went black.

You tossed and turned in your bed — and if anyone were to walk in right now, they’d see the discomfort etched into your face. Quickly your eyes shoot up, body shooting up in bed as a scream ripped past your throat, sweat covering your body as your fists clutched the sheets to your bed.

A door swung open outside before footsteps quickly pattered across the hallway, your door swinging open — matt rushing in to check on you after the blood curdling scream you let slip. His feet taking quick strides over to your bedside.

“y/n — y/n!!” matt said, grabbing your shoulders as he pulled you into a hug, his body lowering to the bed as he held your body tightly. Your limbs thrashed around in his embrace, screaming and kicking as the nightmare still clung freshly to your mind.

“N-no!! let go — let go!!” you screeched, your hands coming up to claw at him — but they were uncoordinated, not landing on him once as your mind continued to panic.

These — nightmares…night terrors — started happening ever since the shooting, most of your nights were sleepless as memories plagued every corner of your being. Matt hadn’t left your side since — seeing how much it had left you shaken, your family nice enough to let him stay in the guest room across from your room.

Matt just held you, squeezing his arms tightly in an attempt to keep you safe from yourself until your body tired itself out, holding you close and whispering comforting words into your ear. “It’s okay baby, i’m here i’m not going anywhere.” he whispered, pressing a light kiss to your head as you shook.

You stopped thrashing your limbs, nails now digging into matt’s arms, leaving crescent shapes in the flesh. You sobbed, sucking in sharp breaths as you tried to speak.

“Y-you were gone — you d-died, he killed you. h-he killed me!” you choked out, fists now moving to grip his shirt tightly. “There w-was blood everywhere.” you cried, hot tears were running down your face as your breathing became more ragged and choppy.

The nightmares had gotten worse after you attended the funerals of the friends you lost — the services making everything feel too real, making you realize you actually lost them. It was too many someone as young as you should have to ever attended.

It’s your fault they’re gone.

Your breathing began to quicken more, your face hot and wet as your mind continued to spiral out of control. Your fists held him tighter, zoning out as you began to feel sick to your stomach.

Your chest felt tight — eyes frenzied and darting around. It felt like you were drowning, your tears falling harder now as you tried to regain control of yourself. You tried to speak — but all that came out were pained whimpers and sobs, your breath catching in your throat.

“y/n, i need you to focus on me baby, it’s okay.” matt whispered, pulling you into his chest, your head resting against his heart. “Listen to the sound of my heart love, focus on my breathing. I’ve got you, everything’s okay.” he continued, rubbing circles on your back as he rocked you back and fourth.

You strained to listen through your own heartbeat in your ears, rapidly pounding against your skull. It felt as though you would pass out any moment from lack of proper oxygen — but you tried, feeling the rise and fall of matt’s chest pressed against your ear and the side of your face.

Matt noticed your strained efforts, weakly smiling to himself as he looked down at you.

“That’s it baby, doing so good.” he cooed, continuing to rub your back as your breathing slowed down, your tears flowing less now. He could feel the rapid beating of your heart, it felt like it would jump out of your body if you weren’t careful. Your panic slowly subsided, exhaustedly melting into matt’s body.

Your breathing was still ragged, nose stuff from how hard you were crying — you had to breath through your mouth. 

He let out a long breath, calming his own nerves. He never knew how you would be after a nightmare or night terror — sometimes you were okay after a moment of him holding you, other times it was like this. Needing to calm your panicking mind in order to fall asleep again. It drained him — but you needed him, he wasn’t going to let you do this on your own.

When you pulled away from his chest, your eyes were red and puffy and tired, body still shaking from all the emotions coursing through your veins. Your mouth was dry and your head was pounding from how hard you were crying. Your hands let go of matt’s shirt, coming up to rub at your eyes and head.

“m’so sorry matt,” you started, voice cracking slightly. “didn’t mean to w-wake you again.” your voice was barely above a whisper, almost inaudible if matt wasn’t listening to intently.

He just shook his head, a hand coming up to wipe away some stray tears you hadn’t realized were running down your face. “Don’t ever apologize, this is something you’re dealing with — a traumatic experience you’re dealing with.” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

You shook your head, “I-I couldn’t save them matt.” you mumbled, sniffling. “they were right there and i couldn’t do anything to save them — i should’ve done something, what kind of friend am i?” you rambled. “F-fuck i couldn’t even save you.”

What if you cant ever save him?

Matt frowned, pulling you onto his lap as he situated himself in your bed. “It’s not your fault baby — it’s not your fault they aren’t here anymore, it’s the horrible person who decided to do what he did.” he whispered to you, holding you closely. His hand raked through your hair, tucking your head under his chin as he just continued to hold you.

You always thought about them — about how that day could have been different if you had just tried to do something to save those people you held close to you. But, the damage was done and here you were — wishing it was you and that they could still be here — you weren’t fast enough for them.

Eventually, matt got you calmed down enough to try and get more sleep, laying down in your bed and tucking you into his side as he encouraged you to try and sleep. “I’ll be right here when you wake up in the morning baby, i promise.” he reassured, holding you tighter — like you might just disappear somehow.

You listened, letting the exhaustion from crying and not enough sleep, pull you into unconsciousness for the night again.

When you had woken up in the morning, matt was right there next to you just like he said he would be. You smiled weakly to yourself — slowly pulling the covers back and moving out of your bed to head downstairs where you’re sure your parents would be at.

Before leaving your room, you looked in the mirror. You looked awful — dark circles under your eyes and your eyes red. Your hair was a mess and your clothes looked disheveled. You weren’t a pretty sight to see.

You walked out your bedroom door, feet softly pattering down the stairs and into the kitchen where you could hear your parents talking. Your ears picked up on a few pieces of their conversation, even though you know you probably shouldn’t be listening.

As you arrived in the kitchen, your parents attention was shifted to you — their eyes taking in your appearance. A look of worry crossed their features, but they didn’t say anything. After a moment, your mom was the first to speak. “Are you doing okay honey? we heard you last night…i’m still so sorry you’re going through this sweetie.” she said softly, gently walking toward you to wrap you in her embrace.

She pulled back, briefly looking into your eyes before she started to speak again. “So…we know your school has been closed for the last few weeks because of what happened,” she started, and somehow you didn’t like where this was going. “but — we just got news they’re reopening tomorrow for students to go back.” she said. Your face dropped at the words, eyes darting over to your dads before looking back at your mom.

Your head shook, “W-what? no…no! y-you expect me to go back there after — after what h-happened??” you quickly said, your body pulling out of your mothers embrace, the panic rising in your body at just the thought of returning to the same place that you saw your best friends be murdered at. Your parents just looked at you sympathetically, their eyes softening.

“We promise it’ll be okay y/n…nothing will happen again, you’ll be safe.” your dad stated, hoping that somehow his words would help calm you down. But all it did was make you feel worse — what if it’s me and matt next?

“y-you guys can’t make me!” you wailed, quickly turning away. You could hear your parents calling your name and trying to speak as you sped toward the stairs and darted back up into your room as you closed the door behind you.

Your back was pressed against your door, palms flat against the wood, your eyes closed as you tried to keep yourself calm. When you opened your eyes again, Matt was already sitting up in bed, his face twisting with worry as he saw your state.

“y/n? what’s wrong baby.” he asked, opening his arms up for you to slid into, which you did. Striding over to the bed and Sitting down, you leaned into him — his presence calming you slightly. “They want me to go back,” you started, voice straining as you held back your tears. “back to where my friends died — i can’t go back. i won’t.” you say, shaking your head as you spoke.

Matt’s face softened more, “you don’t have to go back baby, not until you’re ready — even if that takes a while.” he said, tugging you closer. You let out a sigh, trying to turn your head to look up at him.

“I will never be ready to face that place again. Not when all I can see are their faces and their blood whenever i close my eyes. They were right there, and I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

© strnilolover

a/n : part 2 to this will be posted after NNN is over <3

→ NNN Masterlist | Masterlist | Taglist ←

[ducktoo]

Syncing Dream [Aespa x M!Reader]

Side 4. Ning Ning Noodle

Note: a wacky finale to the side stories

Masterlist here

This took place a few days after Chapter 15

On a bright, bustling Saturday afternoon, Y/n was blissfully asleep in his bed, dreaming of a peaceful weekend. The warm sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow in the room. Suddenly, the door swung open, and in came Ningning, full of energy and a mischievous grin.

“Y/n! Get up! It’s time for adventure!” she exclaimed, marching over to his bed. Before he could even respond, she yanked the covers off him, leaving him exposed to the cool air.

“Ya! What the—?” he groaned, squinting at the sudden light. “Ning, it’s too early for this!”

“It’s not early! It’s almost noon!” she protested, her enthusiasm undeterred. “And I’ve been waiting all week for us to go shopping!”

Y/n rubbed his eyes, feeling a sense of déjà vu. “This feels oddly familiar. Didn’t you do this last time you got sick?”

“Exactly!” she said, her voice bubbling with excitement. “But this time, I have a whole plan! We’re going to explore Seoul’s hidden spots, starting with my favourite record store and a retro café!”

He sat up, still fighting off the remnants of sleep. “A record store? You know I can’t keep up with your bubbliness.”

Ningning placed her hands on her hips, feigning seriousness. “You don’t have a choice! Besides, you can’t say no to me dragging you out of bed when it’s a beautiful day outside.”

“Fine, but I expect at least one coffee stop during this ‘adventure,’” he relented, throwing his legs over the side of the bed. “Give me a minute to wake up properly.”

“Okay, but hurry! I want to get to the shops before all the good stuff is gone!” she urged, bouncing on her heels. “Also, wear something cute! We have to look good for all the Instagram posts!”

He chuckled, shaking his head at her boundless enthusiasm. “Sure, let me just throw on something that will make me look like an icon,” he joked, heading to his closet.

As he rummaged through his clothes, Ningning waited impatiently, tapping her foot. “You know, if you don’t hurry, I might have to drag you out of the house in your undies!”

“DON'T YOU DARE, YIZHUO!” Y/n called back, finally finding a decent outfit that wouldn’t make him look like he just rolled out of bed—again.

Once he was dressed, Ningning practically bounced out of the dorm, her excitement infectious. “See? Wasn’t that easy? Now let’s go make some memories!”

With a resigned smile, Y/n followed her out into the bustling streets of Seoul, a sense of anticipation building within him. “Okay, let’s see what kind of trouble we can get into today,” he said, shaking his head in mock defeat.

-

The sun shone brightly, and the streets were alive with energy. Ningning’s enthusiasm was palpable as she skipped ahead, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“We’re going to have the best day ever!” she exclaimed, glancing back at him with a huge smile. “I have so many hidden spots to show you!”

Y/n chuckled, already feeling slightly out of his depth. “Are you sure I’m dressed for this?” He gestured at his simple outfit—jeans and a hoodie—definitely not as runway-ready as the pieces Ningning was eyeing.

“Don’t worry! We’ll fix that,” she said with a grin, pulling him toward the first shop. “Come on, just trust me!”

The first stop was a quirky boutique, filled with bright colors and funky styles. Ningning’s energy was infectious as she flitted from rack to rack, holding up dresses and blouses with wild patterns. “Look at this one! It’s so cute!” she squealed, holding up a pink polka-dot dress.

Y/n laughed, shaking his head. “You’d look great in that, but I’m not sure it’s my style.”

“Don’t be such a baby! You have to try something on!” Ningning insisted, pushing him toward the fitting room. “I promise it’ll be fun!”

“Alright, alright!” he relented, stepping into the changing room. He pulled on a bright, oversized sweater that was at least two sizes too big, then reluctantly emerged. “How do I look?” he asked, trying to strike a pose.

Ningning burst into laughter, doubling over at the sight. “Oh my god! You look like you’re ready for a fashion disaster runway show!”

“Nice, so on brand of me,” he replied dryly, but a smile crept onto his face. He couldn’t help but enjoy her playful spirit.

As they moved on to the next store, Ningning continued to pick out outrageous items for him to try. “How about this?” She held up a pair of glittery pants. “You have to wear these!”

“Are you trying to ruin my fashion reputation?” he joked, but the sparkle in her eyes made it hard to resist.

“Fashion reputation? What reputation?” she teased back. “You’re lucky I’m here to give you a makeover to flex Minjeong-unnie!”

Hearing his childhood friend's name being used as blackmail, Y/n could only glare at the youngest. "You…."

The two spent the next half-hour in a hilarious fashion montage, with Ningning constantly pushing him out of his comfort zone. At one point, she handed him a fuzzy, neon-green bucket hat, and he couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous it looked. “You look like you just stepped off Zimzalabim!” she exclaimed.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to wear this,” Y/n said, shaking his head, but he wore it with a grin.

After a particularly embarrassing outfit reveal, Y/n pulled off the bucket hat and said, “Okay, I’m officially done. I think I’ve tried on more outfits than I’ve worn in my entire life!”

“Not until you try this last one!” Ningning exclaimed, her eyes gleaming. She handed him a metallic jacket that looked straight out of a sci-fi movie.

He sighed but went back to the changing room. The moment he stepped out, Ningning clapped her hands. “Yes! Now you look like a true fashion icon!”

“Fashion icon or fashion failure?” Y/n smirked, spinning around awkwardly. “I can’t tell anymore.”

“Fashion icon!” she insisted. “Let’s take a selfie!” They posed together, with Y/n wearing the jacket and bucket hat, and Ningning pulling a playful face next to him.

After an exhausting yet entertaining session of trying on clothes, Ningning declared it was bubble tea time. “Ok, I know a place with the best bubble tea in the area. We need to recharge!”

They walked into a cozy bubble tea shop, the smell of sweet drinks wafting through the air. As they waited for their orders, Ningning started playing with her phone, flipping through pictures of their day. “Look at how cute we are!” she exclaimed, showing him a shot of them posing with silly outfits.

“Yeah, cute or ridiculous?” he laughed, scrolling through the photos. “I’ll have to hack a way to delete this!”

Ningning rolled her eyes. “Never! This is going in the friendship hall of fame. Besides, you looked kind of adorable in the bucket hat!”

“Adorable? You might want to reconsider that word,” he replied, raising an eyebrow.

“I'm just saying it in Minjeong-unnie's shoes,” she amended, giggling.

"No, she would actually laugh her butt off if she saw me right now."

Once they received their drinks, they settled at a window seat, watching the bustling city life outside. Y/n took a sip of his taro milk tea, savouring the sweetness. “This is amazing,” he said, his eyes lighting up.

“Right? I love this place! It’s a hidden gem,” Ningning said, tapping her straw against her cup. “But honestly, I really appreciate you spending the day with me. It’s nice to take a break from everything.”

“Of course, Ning. You know I’m always here for you,” Y/n replied earnestly, leaning back in his chair. “Plus, this was surprisingly fun.”

Ningning looked thoughtful for a moment, her expression softening. “You’re one of the few people who understands the weirdness of my life. I’m grateful for that. I can be all over the place sometimes, and you keep me grounded.”

Y/n smiled, feeling warmth at her words. “That’s what siblings are for, right? To balance each other out.”

“Exactly!” She raised her cup for a toast. “To sibling hood and bubble tea!”

“To sibling hood and bubble tea!” he echoed, clinking his cup against hers.

After a brief silence, Ningning added, “You know, I hope you never change. You bring a lot of positivity and stability, especially when I feel like I’m just bouncing everywhere.”

“You DO bounce a lot, but thanks, Ning.” Y/n said sincerely, glancing at her. “I just want to be someone you can rely on, no matter how rowdy you guys get.”

She grinned, a playful sparkle returning to her eyes. “Well, as long as you’re willing to keep trying on crazy outfits with me, I think we’re good!”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I think I’ve reached my limit for the year on that front.”

“Okay, okay! But I’ll hold you to that if I ever need a wardrobe change again!” she teased.

They shared a comfortable silence for a moment, enjoying their drinks and the pleasant atmosphere around them. The bustling city outside seemed to fade away as they revelled in their friendship and the laughter they shared.

“Hey, do you think you could take a picture of me with my bubble tea? I need to show off my amazing taste!” Ningning suddenly said, striking a pose with her drink.

Y/n chuckled, snapping the photo. “You’re practically a professional model with all these poses.”

“Thanks! I’ll take that as a compliment.” She grinned, glancing at the picture. “Okay, now you have to show me a pose! You can’t just stand there looking cool!”

“Right, because I’m not the star of this show,” he said, crossing his arms dramatically.

“Exactly! Come on!” Ningning encouraged, gesturing for him to join her. “Let’s make this day memorable!”

Y/n sighed dramatically before pretending to strut like a runway model, pulling off the metallic jacket with an exaggerated flair. Ningning burst into laughter, clapping her hands. “Yes! Now you’re getting it!”

-

After a whirlwind day of shopping, laughter, and lots of bubble tea, Y/n and Ningning returned to their dorm, both buzzing with excitement. The sun was beginning to set, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink.

“I can’t believe you bought me that giant panda hat!” Y/n said, still wearing the oversized accessory, which Ningning had insisted he model before she purchased it.

“Of course! You look adorable! It’ll be perfect for our next fan meet!” Ningning laughed, playfully tugging at one of the panda’s ears.

As they settled into the living room, Y/n glanced at Ningning, who had sprawled out on the couch, still buzzing from their day out. “Hey, you know how you said you missed home-cooked meals when you were sick? How about I try to make one of your favourite dishes tonight?”

Ningning’s eyes lit up. “Really? You want to cook? That would be amazing! What are you thinking of making?”

Y/n scratched his head, trying to remember what Ningning had mentioned before. “Um, what was that dish you said you loved from back home? The one with noodles and… chicken? Or was it beef?”

“Are you talking about my mom’s dan dan noodles?” Ningning asked, sitting up straight. “Oh my gosh, I’d love that! It’s spicy, savoury, and so comforting!”

“Dan dan noodles it is!” Y/n exclaimed, feeling a rush of determination. “Alright, I’ll do my best. You just have to help me with the ingredients.”

After the excitement of cooking dan dan noodles started to simmer down, Y/n noticed a hint of uncertainty in Ningning’s eyes as she stirred the pot. “Uh, Ningning? Are you sure we’re doing this right? It feels… off.”

Ningning frowned, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Hmm, I remember the basics, but I’m not sure I got every detail right. Maybe I should call my mom for her secret tips!”

“Good thinking, Ning!” Y/n replied, grateful for her initiative. “I could use some reliable advice”

“Am I not reliable?” Ningning pouted.

“…nice try, but no”

Ningning quickly grabbed her phone and dialled her mom, her expression shifting from casual to focused as the call connected. “Hi, Mom! It’s me,” she said, her voice brightening. “I’m trying to make dan dan noodles, but I need your help. Can you walk us through it?”

Y/n watched as Ningning spoke in rapid Chinese, her animated gestures painting a picture of what they were doing in the kitchen. After a few moments, she turned to Y/n, her eyes wide with excitement. “Okay, she’s going to help us! Just follow my lead!”

“Hell yeah! Let’s do this!” Y/n said, feeling pumped.

“First,” Ningning translated, “we need to make sure the sauce is mixed properly. My mom said the ratio is important. We need two tablespoons of soy sauce, one tablespoon of sesame paste, and—”

Before she could finish, Y/n interrupted, “Wait, can you say that again? I didn’t catch that.”

“Two tablespoons of soy sauce!” Ningning repeated, and then added, “and I’ll write it down for you.” She quickly grabbed a pen and notepad, jotting down the recipe as her mom continued explaining the next steps.

Ningning listened intently, nodding along. “Okay, Mom! Yes, we’ll definitely add the chilli oil! She says it should be spicy enough to make you sweat but not burn your tongue off!”

“Tell her that I appreciate the warning!” Y/n joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Y/n says thank you, and he hopes to still be able to taste the noodles afterward!” Ningning relayed, stifling a giggle.

“Alright, let’s see…,” she continued translating, her eyes darting between her mom and the ingredients. “Mom says to add garlic and ginger to the oil before the meat so that the flavours infuse properly. Then we can mix in the pork until it’s crispy. Got it?”

“Got it!” Y/n replied, feeling more confident now.

As they continued through the recipe, Ningning’s mom’s voice filled the room with love and encouragement, reminding Ningning of home. “She said you need to stir-fry the pork until it’s golden brown. And if you want it extra flavourful, add a splash of rice wine!”

“Rice wine?” Y/n echoed, glancing at Ningning for clarification.

“Yeah! But I’ll check if we have it first,” she said, searching through the cabinets. “We might be in luck!” After rummaging around, she held up a small bottle triumphantly. “Yes! We have it!”

“Nice find! So, how much do we add?” Y/n asked, eager to keep the momentum going.

Ningning quickly translated, nodding along to her mom’s instructions. “Just a tablespoon! She said to pour it in and let it cook for a minute. Then we can add the sauce and noodles. Are you ready?”

“Yes, boss!” Y/n exclaimed, pouring the rice wine into the pan.

As the aroma of the spices filled the air, Ningning clapped her hands in delight. “It’s starting to smell just like my mom’s kitchen! I can’t believe we’re doing this!”

“Thanks to your mom,” Y/n added, feeling proud of their teamwork. “I’d be completely lost without her expertise.”

Once they had combined all the ingredients, Ningning’s mom said a few last words in Chinese. “She says to let it simmer for a bit and then taste it before serving."

They set the phone down and watched the pot bubble. “This is actually kind of fun,” Y/n said, stirring the mixture. “It’s nice to feel connected to something you love, especially when you’re far from home.”

“Exactly!” Ningning agreed, her voice softening. “I love that we could share this experience together.”

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, they plated the noodles. Y/n looked at the dish proudly. “Here goes nothing!”

They both took a bite simultaneously, their faces lighting up with delight. “Woah!” Y/n exclaimed, his eyes widening. “This is amazing! We actually did it!”

“Right?” Ningning beamed, her excitement contagious. “It’s almost as good as my mom’s! We should call her back and let her know!”

Y/n nodded enthusiastically, setting his bowl down. “Let's do it quietly. I kinda just want to keep it to ourselves.”

As Ningning called her mom again, Y/n couldn't help but smile at how their day had turned from a simple shopping spree into a memorable cooking adventure, filled with laughter, mishaps, and a connection that reminded him of how special their friendship truly was.

[chameleonwritess]

Incoming essay about Yuzuru Fushimi and why I believe he is the least normal Ensemble Stars character

Before we begin, I’d like to thank @normalestenstars both for giving me the motivation to actually write this at last, and for the polls that have allowed me to ponder over the normality of each enstars character, along with how normality would even be gauged. I’m aware that the concept will have differed from person to person, and so I’ll attempt to explain my metric of normality in order to explain why, say, Kanata, Wataru, or HiMERU aren’t my ‘least normal’ character (okay, what is it with blue hair and insanity in enstars, bc Tatsumi is kinda making the most insane list too). I'll also put the essay under the cut because... it got long. But if you wanna learn about Yuzuru, you came to the right place!

I was judging normality to be a combination of life experiences through from childhood to adulthood, behaviour, current responsibilities and activities, ways of reacting to situations, ways of interacting with the world, mental headspace and its subsequent projections, and any juxtapositions between those- particularly with regards to internal and external worlds of a character (this might not make any sense… it made sense to me but I’m hardly a most normal character myself).

First up, as Kanata was dubbed the audience voted least normal, I’ll touch  briefly on which specific aspect differed here between Kanata and Yuzuru that made me choose Yuzuru over Kanata. Both by the general audience and by the characters within the world of Ensemble Stars, Kanata is perceived as weird and strange, and his backstory explains that weirdness very well… perfectly well, basically. Of course he’s weird and outlandish given he grew up believing he was a living god. Meanwhile, Yuzuru is deemed as pretty normal by both characters and the general audience. At least on the surface! The amount of enstars fans I’ve heard call Yuzuru boring just confirms this, really. Who would ever dream of calling Kanata boring? But the characters who know Yuzuru better, or for those who finally get to interact with him more than very surface level, they suddenly uncover that oh shit hang on this guy is TERRIFYING and INSANE and what the actual FUCK IS GOING ON??? (See: Resort Live when Adonis is in the water and when Yuzuru dives to fetch him he felt like he was being followed by a wild carnivore and was confused as to how the hell Yuzuru had hidden that kind of aura up until now). Love how I said brief and then reached this length BUT essentially it’s the juxtaposition of Yuzuru’s external perception versus his actual reality that puts him on top of the weirdness ladder for me. Kanata’s weirdness is very in line with his history, giving him an aspect of normality, or at least expectedness, in my opinion (I’m in no way denying that Kanata is NOT NORMAL, though, don’t worry. My only actual denial of any not normal allocations is Wataru… but we’ll get to that in another essay xoxo)

RIGHT now let’s start with the Yuzuru focus. We’re gonna go back to his past to begin with. And no, I don’t mean the military camp, actually (although the very fact I just said those words should hopefully be clueing you in to Yuzuru’s abnormality). I’ll leave a list at the end of this of all the stories I got my facts from, as well as some key Yuzuru focussed readings if you want to learn more hehe. Saying that, I talk about Yuzuru’s past pre-military because it starts off as a wild backstory even before we get to the slightly more unhinged stuff. He was born into a family of butlers, and thus was fated to work for the Himemiyas and serve them… WHAT???? Yuzuru’s family are essentially slaves, and we know next to nothing about his parents. So many enstars characters are highlighted for having abusive families as an aspect of their abnormality and the weirdness with which they were raised, but yuzuru never gets brought up amongst those. How does this scenario even happen in the modern world???? I am SO CONFUSED and we have basically no answers. Does Yuzuru get paid?????? He’s been a butler since he was BORN so… probably not?? Is he essentially a slave???????? I suspect maybe!! We already know the Himemiyas are NOT EXACTLY THE EPITOME OF MORAL CORRECTNESS (see: they run an orphanage that filters into a fucking military training facility) so I would not put it past them. So- backstory and utter weird environment to be raised in? CHECK!!!! Yuzuru might have been raised in the weirdest environment out of all enstars characters except perhaps Kanata. Or joint weirdest WITH Kanata!! He grew up being trained to be perfect and to be entirely subservient. He had no interaction with peers, no downtime, doesn’t even have his own house given he lives at the Himemiya’s mansion. It’s absolutely insane if you stop and think about it for more than five seconds, and no one ever seems to talk about it??? Yuzuru Fushimi, man.

And we don’t know much about Yuzuru during this time (probably for good reason- he is cagey about anything that makes it look like he doesn’t enjoy his role and boy does this time include those feelings!), but we do know from Tori that he was not naturally talented at being a butler, would make loads of mistakes, and would hide in the shadows and cry over it. Yuzuru was just a KID. He’s only one year older than Tori, but he was expected to perfectly master pretty much every skill ever. He’s way too over-competent at seemingly everything, and as easy as that is to attribute to the military training…. a lot of stuff doesn’t make sense for that. He was trained to do e v e r y t h i n g. Child abuse, yay!! That’s essentially what it is when you think about it!! Were his parents trapped like this too?? How did his parents meet?? Are they the ones trapping him in this role, or is it the Himemiyas??? Because Yuzuru certainly seems to believe that his parents hold the authority, but idk how much of that is a biased perspective from what Yuzuru saw and knew as a child.

Okay. I think I’ve set the scene for why Yuzuru is insane and weird as fuck. I’d also like to give a brief breather from the agonising lore (bc it’s military time next) to let you all know that I’m writing this whilst desperately smacking auto-live bc I’m grinding for Ghostic Treat House Yuzuru <3 fine I love you <3

That’s all the reprise you get, trauma time again! So, you’re probably aware if you only watched the enstars anime to gain familiarity with ! era lore that Yuzuru spent time at a military facility with his good childhood friend Ibara (he would stab me for saying that lol). But that’s not all! So yes, Yuzuru was sent to the Himemiya’s military facility, where they were actually trained for wars, given the Himemiya’s army are actively fighting ppl during the events of Primavera (lol so much for me saving references to the end). Did Ibara and Yuzuru actually see the battlefield? Textual evidence would suggest perhaps, because Ibara mentions it being funny how a man who can face enemy forces alone is afraid of dogs. But that could be a metaphor and it may have just been training. Either way, definitely had to learn battle relevant skills and were given brutal training. But that’s still not all! From what we can gather from Yuzuru’s internal musings (although he is a somewhat unreliable narrator like 50% of the time tbh), he was sent to the military facility to learn better discipline so he’d stop acting up and play the role of a butler properly. This, combined with the crying when he messed up, gives two plausible reasons for him being sent. 1. he was considered too incompetent and the military was supposed to train him to be more competent as a butler, or 2. he was acting out big style and they wanted to quite literally beat him into submission so he’d treat his role more seriously. There is a scarier third possibility here, but that’s coming hehe don’t worry (: 

What happened when Yuzuru got to the military? Because so far yeah this is a wild situation but it doesn’t highlight Yuzuru’s utter insanity quite as well as I advertised. Ohohoho, don’t worry. Yuzuru was somehow so naturally gifted at being in the fucking military (whilst not being naturally gifted at being a butler, I remind you all!!) that he rose up to leadership and became an instructor IMMEDIATELY. He was in charge of Ibara, and assumably other people too, despite being the same age as him (and quite probably younger than others). Is it possible he rose through the ranks because of his status? No not really. He’s a butler to the Himemiyas, not an actual family member!! And he’s essentially been cast out by them, so why would they care?? It’s also implied and makes all Yuzuru lore add up if he was just… incredibly and terrifyingly talented with weaponry, fighting, tactics, etc etc don’t ask me what military things are important i don’t know. So I’m choosing to believe that the lore all checks out and that Yuzuru was made an instructor because he was freakishly good. Now about his role as an instructor!! 

Most of our info does come from Ibara which is… likely to be negatively biased, but we also have actual flashback scenes which legitimately support Ibara’s perception. Which was, in short, that Yuzuru’s training was spartan. He was harsh and ruthless and ruled with an iron fist… but he also genuinely cared about his pupils (and again, we infer that he had multiple bc he calls Ibara his favourite pupil. Although funny if he’s his fave by default lmao). The military is also the first time Yuzuru gets the chance to be a kid, which is ironic given he is AN INSTRUCTOR IN THE MILITARY. But he gets the chance to sit and talk with Ibara in between training and attempting to murder each other (which is like the closest thing to playing tag that Yuzuru has ever participated in, I reckon). I could write a separate essay about how important Ibara and Yuzuru are to each other, but that’s for another day (pls pls pls ask me to write it pls i just need the excuse). 

We find out some interesting things from Yuzuru’s conversations with Ibara. He hopes to die on the battlefield to show his parents (haha remember that scary third option…. what if this was their plan HAHAHAH). He wants to die out of spite, and he wants to die for the freedom. He hopes he never has to return and be a butler again. He feels free at the military camp, which is ironic given the intent was to trap him there to teach him a lesson. It’s also ironic, given both Ibara and Yuzuru refer to the training camp as an awful, horrible place. 

That definitely isn’t the end of me talking about Yuzuru and military experience, but it is the end of it in this linear fashion I’m taking to explain why Yuzuru is so fucked up and weird and insane.

So, he returns from the military! Read: he is forcibly taken back to the Himemiya mansion. And when he returns, Tori cries and hugs him and begs him to never leave again because he was so lonely without Yuzuru and scared etc etc. And we know that Yuzuru looked at him crying and decided that actually, this was something worth treasuring and putting his life towards. Tori was worth serving- he cared about Tori and wanted to protect him, and he had the abilities now (and probably always) to do exactly that. Was this inspired by Ibara saying he just wanted something to treasure and dedicate his life towards keeping/obtaining? Yep!!! Same story!!! Yuzuru took Ibara’s goal and went ‘snatched, mine now’ but fr… they had such an impact on each other. So, Yuzuru is ‘happily’ being a butler now. In other words, he’s taking his fate and making it his decision, as much as he can (or probably to convince himself hmmm). But where’s the insanity here, before we reach idol time? Well, here we discover that Yuzuru contemplates murdering Tori multiple times!! As a means of escape? As a reflexive urge to kill that he’s developed/been suppressing all along? Who knows! I still can’t quite believe that this is even canon but yeah!!! It’s not always a joke when Yuzuru says scary things to Tori and threatens him with weapons! He has legitimately contemplated murdering him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yuzuru Fucking Fushimi, folks!!!!!!!!

This section is also where I’d like to discuss Yuzuru’s fear of dogs, because he also had to acquaint himself with King (Tori’s dog) during these years. Do you know the reason why Yuzuru’s afraid of dogs? I hear you ask, because I am inside your walls rn. Was there an incident? At the Himemiya’s? At the military camp? No!!! Tori says he’s literally always been afraid of dogs, and Yuzuru confirms this and gives us an explanation as to why! He says that dogs are inherently ferocious hunters- killers at heart- and yet they wear an innocent, harmless mask of being ‘man’s best friend’, covering up the human lives they have taken and are easily capable of taking at the smallest provocation. He fears dogs because he fears their true nature that they’re hiding behind their perceived harmlessness. They’ve masked their bloodlust with domestic obedience- a facade many dogs have tricked themselves into understanding as reality. When I thought about Yuzuru’s explanation for about five minutes before I started this essay, it suddenly slid into place in a way I’d never studied Yuzuru’s fear of dogs before.

Yuzuru fears himself. This checks out with the dog metaphors he makes of himself, of Ibara, that Ibara makes about Yuzuru and of himself. Obedient lapdog, untrained mutt, guard dog etc. etc. The parallels were right there. Yuzuru is an obedient lapdog for Tori… but he’s a predator by nature. A born killing machine whom everyone trusts without hesitation because of the loyal and obedient facade he parades, convincing even himself is reality. Yuzuru is afraid of the hunter he is and when his true nature might escape. I don’t read it as a ‘being afraid of when others will find out that he’s secretly evil’ sort of situation. More a ‘being afraid of when he won’t be able to stop himself & the mask will disintegrate forever and reveal the hunter within. Being afraid of when he might attack’. Ouch. Yuzuru can I give you therapy pls I’m begging. ANYWAY Tori then gets into idols and Yuzuru is dragged along to fine shows, and when Eichi sees him in the audience (ignoring the fact that his first thought is ‘damn that bitch fine as fuck, i love a guy with blue hair purple eyes and a ponytail, smash’), he says Yuzuru looks wild and rugged (i’m going off memory I cba getting Daydream up just trust xoxo), which is interesting given he’s trying his best to be a loyal butler right now. He’s not quite mastered the mask at this point, I suspect. Other things we know from this era are that Yuzuru helped sneak Tori out to go to karaoke as idol practice. I wonder how he felt getting to sing and dance for the first time.

Fun fact in case you hadn’t noticed by now- I’m not very good at staying on topic bc I loooove to go on random tangents of character analysis. I swear this is still about how Yuzuru is the weirdest enstars character… somehow….

So! We’ve finally reached canon timeline in the chronological part of this essay (HOW LONG IS THIS THING GONNA BE?? I hear you worry because, once again, i am in your walls). Yuzuru joins fine yayyy and he’s a transfer student to Yumenosaki given he’s just following Tori. So… did he even go to school before??? Given he has to follow Tori??? Did he take a year out? I’’m so curious as to Yuzuru’s history because how tf did his childhood work? He passes the fine test easily bc turns out he’s also very naturally talented as an idol. He’s very physically fit so it’s unsurprising. What’s sooo fun to know about his joining fine, though, is that he immediately knows exactly what Eichi is like, immediately gets links with the StuCo and joins Keito’s club to get In There with the top people (networking innit and also… club with bow and arrows. Tsukasa confirms he’s freakishly good wow who would’ve guessed Yuzuru would be so naturally talented with a weapon), and apparently immediately developed an escape plan for him and Tori so that if Eichi ever tried to destroy them, he could take Tori and dip. I wonder if that escape plan is still in place, now! Anyway, we also learn in this era that Yuzuru starts to love being an idol and finds he’s genuinely enjoying it. However, the reasons he’s enjoying it are… not exactly normal. He loves being an idol because he’s surprised that it’s able to spur the human emotions of anger and frustration within him (basically, he’s surprised that being an idol brought out his painstakingly buried emotions). We also learn that he’s extremely envious that Tori and Eichi were able to escape their fates laid out by their parents to pursue being idols, but he immediately tries to suppress thoughts like this. The difference between having money and not, huh? Tori and Eichi could escape. Yuzuru was always going to be trapped :( Yuzuru also starts to experience having friends for the first time (does Ibara count as a friend?? It was way wilder and more insane than that) so essentially Yuzuru’s first ever experience of normal teenager things is when he is 16/17. But at least he gets to have a pillow fight and absolutely destroy everyone! And get yelled at by a teacher!! Proud of him for having fun. 

This era is also where we get Yuzuru completely lying to himself, us, and his peers. Everyone is quite conscious of getting Yuzuru to enjoy his life outside of being Tori’s butler, and he’s very much manipulated everyone (including the audience even though we can compile the evidence to discover otherwise) into believing that he’s always been such a loyal and simple butler with no thoughts of his own aside from those that are wishes to serve his master. We know this isn’t true… and yet Yuzuru tries to convince us and everyone in the story that this is reality, to the point that we get people being proud of Yuzuru for coming so far. We get Tori being proud of him! And feeling guilty for him always sacrificing his life for him. Ugh I love Tori actually. The second I started reading stories about Tori and Yuzuru it hit how much guilt Tori has over Yuzuru’s fate and AGHHHH oops I got sidetracked again. Anyway. Yuzuru’s an unreliable narrator and that’s important to his weirdness, because he hides his true utter insanity from even us as the audience!! He lies to himself, to us, to his peers, everyone!!! You cannot fool me, Yuzuru Fushimi. I see through you. I’ve figured out your utter unhingedness. The complete juxtaposition between the very ordinary bland background character you depict yourself as versus the utter fucking WEIRDO that you actually are <3

Moving onto !! era, Yuzuru introduces himself in the main story by being INSANE and everyone seems to forget about it? The first thing he does is discuss how beneficial it is to show up first to important events and prepare the drinks because you gain the upper hand of knowing you could’ve poisoned them and everyone knows you could have, but that he’d never do that because everyone would indeed know it was him. And that’s one of the joys of being a butler! HELLO??? YUZURU WTF BABE????? But that’s always just glanced over. Also there’s the whole insanity of Eichi reminding us that Ibara is the only person whom Yuzuru shows this other side of himself around, and by that we mean the side where he… openly threatens extreme physical violence. Also frontline watchdogs happens. And we learn that Yuzuru still very obviously cares about Ibara gahhh. Anyway, back to insanity time, Wataei are kinda mean to Yuzuru in this era, because they do end up toying with him quite a bit, and we get a lot of Yuzuru dealing with thoughts regarding the Himemiyas and the impact of ES and stuff, because he can’t even just be an idol, he’s also essentially in charge of Tori’s responsibilities until Tori is ready, AND he’s becoming an actor because wow how surprising he’s really good at fighting roles and getting into character (sarcasm, bc… it is not surprising. hey who wants to hear me scream into a forest about wataru and yuzuru and facades it’ll be super fun I promise). Other insane stuff includes the time Yuzuru thinks Ibara is holding Tori hostage so he walks into a room and straight up STRANGLES IBARA because he knows how Ibara responds to being tortured for info so knows he’ll get the truth here. He also proceeds to reveal he’s learnt vocal mimicry from Wataru and will fuck shit up if Ibara tries anything using that trick (how did he learn that???? Plus Wataru is cagey about teaching new skills so it is either an omg yay wataru and yuzuru getting close moment or a…. yuzuru did you just analyse his ability and somehow replicate it??). Also in this era, we learn that Yuzuru accompanies Eichi with a lot of business related things, because of course he gets to be involved in the big ES happenings, and that he’s become wayyy more petty and rude to Eichi. It’s a big step for Yuzuru, who’s been forced to be so polite to his superiors. Like can you believe it. The Himemiyas’ butler being rude and passive aggressive and turning down THE Eichi Tenshouin?? He’s wild for that, but he knows Eichi well enough to know he’s safe because Eichi loves it. Yuzuru is so good at reading people. Oh yeah the other !! era moment I was going to mention was the time he took both Adonis and Hiiro in a fight. Canonically strong guys with training in martial arts/defensive techniques. And he legit scared Hiiro with how suddenly his demeanour changed from passive butler to ‘don’t hold back on me >:)’ oooo I love the utter thrill he always gets when he can go all out and attack people!! He’s so fucked up!!

And now on the theme of that, we have !!! era, because pretty much all he’s done since this new era began is fight people. In his cross scout with Kaoru, he gets disappointed in himself when Nagisa outruns him. It’s interesting to note that despite the lack of practice of his abilities Yuzuru gets outside of situations often purposefully set up so he can fight (usually by Eichi and/or Wataru like the incident in Fist of Idol Togenkyo), he still assumes himself to be… the best at any sort of combat out of everyone in his current environment. Do you know what I would give to see Yuzuru and Kuro fight??? I would LOVE to witness it, but I know neither of them would be willing to go all out on each other :(. So when Nagisa ends up out-running/outmanoeuvring him, he’s peeved. Like it’s not a surprise given Nagisa is genetically created to be The Best at Everything, but damn, how highly does Yuzuru think of his own combat abilities? It never really hit me until this point. Not only is he trained at combat, but he very much thinks/knows he’s good at it, and essentially takes pride in that fact? He’s such an interesting critter. Then we have the shuffle unit, too, where Yuzuru gets to go all out and apprehend a thief and he VISIBLY has fun doing it, as well as internally discussing as much. But we also have textual proof from someone else (a random director) that Yuzuru’s ‘snap’ is a thing. He can switch between this polite, passive butler and a bloodthirsty beast in SECONDS, and the joy he feels from being a vicious hunter is probably palpable. Other people can see him essentially change mask at the flip of a switch and become someone else entirely, and it’s wild. The fact Niki is the other person who does this is also beautiful because Niki in hunger mode is also a terrifying bloodthirsty beast. Can’t believe he won most normal, even with CrazyB being CrazyB.

I’ve finally covered somewhat of a chronological series of events for Yuzuru’s character that have led to the juicy stuff of why I view him as the straight up weirdest and least normal character. Whilst that was a lot of character analysis to do with who he is at his core, as well as his background and where he’s at mentally and in terms of progression in the story, now is for a beautiful collection of utterly unhinged things he’s said/done that make me go ‘what the FUCK Yuzuru’. Which, admittedly, I do a LOT. 

he MCs for the new year live featuring Trickstar and Akatsuki and decides to fuck around with Keito because he looks too serious. He then gets drunk on the joy of fucking with Keito and just keeps screwing with the scoring system and everything whilst Keito is seething with the betrayal

he used to genuinely think his drawings were lovely, but then according to others they looked like ‘horrifying yokai thirsting for blood’, ‘vegetables committing cannibalism’ or just ‘makes [them] anxious looking at it’ so wtf is actually wrong with his perception???

has said he feels the urge to kill Tori sometimes, but ‘a true gentleman suppresses his anger’…. JUST SIT WITH THAT ONE FOR A WHILE

He’s said he wants to dissect Wataru… medically… bc of his stamina levels

He’s also threatened to take Wataru to a secluded area and cut off each of his fingers with a bradawl. YUZURU??????

Nagisa is surprised at his dexterity when he very competently ties Jun to a pillar

He cleans ES and Yumenosaki in secret because he doesn’t trust other people to do it right. Not the most insane thing ever but it adds to his issues. Also cleaning is his favourite thing to do. Cleaning. This man has a body count and I mean in the murder sense

He loves to draw even though he’s shit at it. It’s just really funny to me that he’s very dexterous and talented at pretty much everything except the one hobby he wants to have

He can pilot a helicopter- only he and Madara are known to be capable of this

He’s the best at archery and at using firearms in Yumenosaki. And most likely ES. But he’s careful not to show off his talent and ‘true nature’ because he’s an idol and doesn’t want to scare people off

He has abs. Multiple characters have commented on this. Koga has felt them up

When he gets lost in thought he tightens his grip ridiculously tight. Figured this out due to him subconsciously tightening his grip on both Ibara’s neck during SS and Tori’s clothes during Resort Live

He speaks overly politely, but with the exact same dialect as Ibara which- i’m gonna lose my linguist status for the way I’m about to butcher this- from what I can gather is easy to interpret in a rude and sharp/passive aggressive tone. I’m going off characters who say Ibara and Yuzuru speak exactly the same, and the way Rei and Eichi highlight how Yuzuru says polite words but they’re very rude and barbed despite the politeness

His dancing is sharp and impeccable and his physical abilities are apparently ridiculously impressive, far above what would ever be expected of a butler (who’s surprised?)

His administrative abilities are incredible because he’s just overall a freakish genius apparently

He can completely hide his presence. He managed to scare Nagisa during the recent Halloween event and Nagisa is a very literal freak of nature who has been lab made to be a perfect specimen with like every skill ever soooooo terrifyingly impressive imo

Now, to conclude this insanity is my main point as to why Yuzuru takes the cake as the most insane enstars character to me. And whilst yes it’s obvious from all of this that he’s absolutely batshit insane, so are many other characters, but the reason my vote goes to Yuzuru over anyone else is because of the disparity between his public perception vs. who he is. And I mean both in game and out of game. I asked my lovely partner whose biggest flaw is not giving a flying fuck about my beloved Yuzuru Fushimi no matter how many times I yell about him what their opinion was of Yuzuru prior to knowing my insanity about him. I’d like to highlight that my partner is a big fan of Ibara, so knew about Yuzuru’s backstory at least, but was otherwise oblivious to most fine lore outside the main story, being a CrazyBP. My girlfriend said that, to them, Yuzuru was just a mild mannered butler who doesn’t come across as a big personality, especially next to the rest of fine. She said he’s very overshadowed when you have 2 characters very in-your-face personality wise and Eichi Fucking Tenshouin in your unit. Further thoughts were that whilst some characters you can soak up information of via osmosis, Yuzuru isn’t one of them.

And this was INSANE to me. Because how are you an Ibara fan and a NikiP who loves Niki’s kitchen and somehow none of Yuzuru lore has crept into your internet circles???? And this is what makes me go oh yeah. Yuzuru is the least normal character from a character perspective as well as within the narrative. How do you write a character THIS INSANE with this many unhinged things being said and done in pretty much any story he shows up in, but the fandom who don’t pay attention to him just,,, completely miss it all and view him EXACTLY AS HE TRIES TO PRESENT HIMSELF TO OTHER CHARACTERS: as a mild-mannered, overly polite butler who loves servitude?? Yuzuru Fushimi has not only bewitched the characters into believing his facade, but he’s thoroughly hoodwinked the general audience of ensemble stars too. No one believes Wataru to be normal and casual, and arguably he’s the most normal of fine (at least in terms of upbringing, consistency, motivations etc….. but also he is literally me and i’ve been told I’m devastatingly Not Normal, so maybe that doesn’t count). No one would claim to call Kanata normal. No one thinks HiMERU or Mayoi or Shu & Mika, or the twins are normal. Everyone knows, at least in part, how insane they are, whether they produce the unit and know the lore or not. But Yuzuru!!!! He has fooled you all!!!! He has fooled everyone, and that’s exactly what he wants to do but exactly what he is terrified of doing, too. He fears the utter insanity inside him, but he’s also desperate for any chance he can find to unleash it and, for lack of a better phrase, go beast mode.

Yuzuru Fushimi, folks. He is one hell of a character and I hope you’ve enjoyed my ridiculously long essay on exactly why he is the craziest son of a bitch in ensemble stars. At least to me <3

And now for an incomplete list of references because I legit forget where half my knowledge comes from, I just read it once and forever absorb it into my brain:

! Era:

RESORT LIVE!!! lost of Yuzuru insight

Noble game. A lot of Yuzuru, specifically within his Butler context

GANG!!!! This is the backstory & ibayuzu lore story and it kills me every time

Flower Fes. Not huge on Yuzuru lore but gives an insight into his beginnings at Yumenosaki

Toyland. Yuzuru’s drawings and feelings about being an idol come up here. As well as Tori’s guilt about Yuzuru

School Trip. Aka Yuzuru unreliable narrator the novel

!! Era:

FRONTLINE WATCHDOGS!!!! It’s the Ibayuzu lore of !! era. !!’s answer to Gang

SS finals. It’s really long so specifically the chapters with Ibara and Yuzuru are where the lore is

Fist of Idol Togenkyo. I didn’t mention it much here but it covers Yuzuru’s acting and fighting quite well

Tempest & Primavera are the fine stories that discuss Yuzuru’s current role in ES and Tori’s life best but I didn’t reference them loads

Fair Waltz. It’s a short scout story but it’s so good for Yuzuru & Eichi dynamic & Yuzuru fighting

Grand Slam. There’s like one chapter during the sports festival about Yuzuru and guns lol

Yuzuru idol story episode 3. Ibayuzu reflect on their past & I cry

Seasoning as you like (Niki idol story). Niki’s kitchen revealing some of Yuzuru’s violent tendencies

!!! Era

Intelligence. Cross scout with Kaoru where the Nagisa incident happens

Ballade of the Lost Ones. Shuffle Unit!!!! Yuzuru goes wild!!!

[unhingedangstaddict]

It seems a lot of people are looking for a distraction right now so here's me trying to do my part. I don't have a name for this WIP yet but I have posted a few other scenes from this WIP already (this post and this post ).

Buck packed their bags while Tommy called the San Francisco Police Department's number on the business card that had been left. He learned that his sister, Cassandra and brother-in-law, Marcus were hit by a drunk driver who’d run a red light at a high speed. San Francisco PD explained they hadn’t been able to locate Avery (Tommy's niece) but that they’d sent officers to notify Dylan (Tommy's nephew), and Marcus’ best friend and secondary emergency contact after Cassandra.

Tommy and Buck took Tommy’s truck, yet Buck was driving. Tommy wasn’t in the right headspace for it and had calls to make anyway. He started with Dylan.

“Uncle Tommy,” Dylan sounded relieved as he answered the phone. “Did you hear-”

“Yeah, D, I- I heard.” Tommy confirmed.

“I haven’t been able to get a hold of Avery,” Dylan started.

“I did, sort of. She’s sleeping hard at a friend’s after a softball game. I spoke with the friend’s mom, they’ll keep her there until I can get to San Fran.” Tommy explained. “She doesn’t know yet, I figure it’ll be better coming from one of us.”

“I’m trying to find a flight but they’re freaking expensive, why are all these damn flights so freaking expensive?” Dylan huffed, he sounded like he was spiraling and on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey- just take a breath.” Tommy instructed. Dylan had a lot to worry about right now, but not having money for a flight was not one of them. Tommy hadn't expected Dylan to have that kind of cash just laying around being a university student. “I’ll send you some money, just get the first flight you can, okay?”

“Okay.” Dylan let out a shaky breath. “You on your way to San Fran now?”

Tommy put the phone on speaker so he could send Dylan the money. “Yeah, yeah I am. I’m sending the money now. Send me your flight details as soon as you have them, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

Tommy didn’t talk with Dylan much longer, as Dylan needed to pack a bag and get to the airport.

“He’s probably so scared.” Buck frowned. He knew this was hard on Tommy but he had to imagine it was much, much harder for Dylan.

“No doubt.” Tommy agreed.

“Should- do you think someone’s contacted your father?” Buck asked as carefully as he could. He knew Thomas Kinard Sr was not a great father or grandfather to say the least, but he still should be made aware of what was happening.

“I’ll call him later. Him knowing now or later won't make any difference and he’s probably asleep right now and if someone wakes him up he’ll still be drunk and he’ll be pissed. Noon will probably be the best time to call, he’ll be awake and he’ll have a drink or two in him, but he won’t be shitfaced yet.”

Buck just nodded in understanding, and kept his focus on driving.

The timing worked out that it made the most sense to pick up Dylan from the airport before going to collect Avery. Buck and Tommy waited for him at his arrival gate, and soon he approached them. Dylan was about lanky, about 5’10, with short curly reddish brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles. He looked exhausted and lost as he silently approached his uncle and hugged him tightly.

“I got you.” Tommy told Dylan as he wrapped his arms around his nephew and held him close.

Eventually Dylan pulled away. “Hi Buck.” he said politely, then looked at Tommy. “Still gotta get Avery, right?” He guessed.

“Yeah.” Tommy confirmed. “We should get going.”

Tommy drove them from the airport to Avery’s friend’s house and soon they were parked in front of the house.

“She’s gonna know something is wrong the moment she sees either one of us.” Dylan pointed out. “I should be in Intro to Algorithms right now and you should be, doing whatever you’d be going at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday.”

“I know.” Tommy sighed. “I’m gonna go up to the door and get her, then once she’s in the truck we- we’ll break the news.” He told Dylan, then got out and went up to the house. He rang the bell and patiently waited.

Soon the door was answered by a middle aged woman who must’ve been Madison’s mom. “You must be Avery’s uncle.”

“Yes.” Tommy nodded.

The woman nodded. “I’ll grab her, she’s ready to go.” She promised and disappeared further into the house.

After a moment Avery came into view. Avery was 5’6 with an athletic build, and the same reddish brown colored hair as her brother, though her hair didn’t have the same curl her brother’s did. She had the same blue eyes as him though, and more freckles than Dylan. “Uncle Tommy?” She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ll explain in a moment. We should get going, there’s some people waiting in the car.”

“Okay.” Avery said slowly. She turned to her friend and said goodbye, grabbed her bag, and followed Tommy out to his truck. She opened the back passenger side door and saw her brother. “Dylan?”

“Hey Aves.” Dylan tried to sound upbeat but didn’t quite hit the mark.

“You look like shit.” Avery told her brother as she handed him her bag and climbed into the truck.

“Thanks.” Dylan said sarcastically as he shoved her bag on the floor between their feet.

“Okay, now will someone tell me what is going on? Where’s mum and dad?”

“Avery, they um,” Dylan started, but was having a hard time continuing.

“There was an accident last night. They were hit by a drunk driver.” Tommy continued.

“No. No you’re lying.” Avery shook her head.

“They’re gone, Avery. They didn’t make it.” Dylan explained.

“And you guys kept it from me?” Avery seemed upset by this.

“Was I supposed to send a text, hey Aves we’re orphans now?” Dylan asked incredulously.

“You should’ve told me! You kept it from me for- well long enough for the two of you to get here.” Avery argued.

“We wanted to be with you, when you found out.” Tommy explained calmly.

“This isn’t happening.” Avery muttered and put her head in her hands.

Tommy looked helplessly at Dylan, then at Evan.

All Buck could do was take Tommy’s hand and try to offer some silent comfort. He had a feeling he’d be doing that a lot the next little while.

If anyone wants to read more lmk I've got a bunch of this story written and I'm happy to share if someone needs something to take their mind off other things for a little bit

[queenshelby]

The Accident (Part Eight)

Pairing: Reader & Cillian Murphy

Warning: Domestic Abuse, Religious Themes, Trafficking

Thank you @blondie-22 for this amazing idea!

Just as Cillian had promised, he took you and the girls to see the caseworker and, whilst the office felt somewhat sterile, the older man's kind eyes softened the edges of the stark room.

“Y/N, right?” she said, glancing at the papers in front of him. You nodded, your stomach twisting with both anxiety and relief.

“I’ve reviewed your situation, and we can definitely help you,” he said, his tone reassuring. “But it’s going to take some time to sort everything out especially with regards to your immigration case. For now, let's focus on getting you and your children settled somewhere safe and I understand that Mr Murphy has already made arrangements for that, right?”

Cillian, who was sitting next to you, minding Mika, nodded, a reassuring smile on his face.

“Good, because you are not eligible for emergency accommodation outside the homeless shelter or immigration camp, both of which I consider somewhat inappropriate for your two children," he continued, folding his hands in front of him.

“What I will do for you now is file for a protection order against your husband if you're willing to proceed with that,” he said, meeting your gaze with a steady look.

You hesitated, your heart racing. “What if he finds out? What if—” “—he comes after me?” You finished, biting your lip. The weight of your past hovered like a dark cloud.

Cillian leaned closer, his expression earnest.

“We’ll make sure he can't find you," he told you and the case worker nodded, explaining that, as part of this process, your location will not be disclosed.

"Once we file for a protection order, he cannot come near you or your children. He would be arrested if he breaches this order and our office will take necessary steps to enforce it," the case worker explained and your breath steadied a little, the idea starting to take root in your mind.

“Okay,” you said, nodding slowly. “I’ll do it.”

"Good choice,” the caseworker replied, a hint of a smile creeping onto his face as he glanced at Cillian with approval.

"We will also get some schooling sorted for your older daughter and provide access to resources for you to get back on your feet. We don’t want you feeling isolated,” the caseworker then added before explaining the process further.

According to him, Sarah would be attending a school in your area that could accommodate her needs. In addition to that you were getting access to essential food and clothing, as well as healthcare, all while your immigration matter would be assessed for processing.

"Finally, we suggest that you agree to us providing you with a therapist for both you and your older daughter so that you both have someone to talk to about everything you've been through," the caseworker concluded, his voice gentle but firm.

“Therapy?” you echoed, uncertainty pinching your heart.

“It’s a safe space,” the caseworker replied, leaning slightly forward.

“To help you heal, to help Sarah process everything. It could be invaluable for both of you," he went on to say and Cillian rubbed your shoulder lightly, a silent gesture of support.

“It might feel strange at first, but it’s okay to ask for help,” he murmured, glancing at you with warmth and, eventually, you nodded, absorbing the details as they unfolded.

The caseworker smiled, jotting down notes before standing up and extending his hand toward you.

“Once all the paperwork is completed, I will ensure you're safe and secure. Remember, you’re not alone in this. You're surrounded by people ready to help," he explained and you grasped his hand, feeling a surge of hope at his words.

“Thank you,” you managed, your voice wavering slightly as you looked at him, the sincerity of his reassurance wrapping around you like a protective cloak.

Cillian stood as well, giving you a moment to breathe before ushering you and the children outside into the fresh Dublin air.

“Let’s go check out the house,” he suggested, smiling at you as you stepped into the sunlight. Sarah grabbed your hand, her small fingers twining with yours, while Cillian hoisted Mika onto his hip, his expression softening at the sight of the two of you together.

“Is the new house going to be really nice?” Sarah asked, her eyes wide with wonder, a slight bounce in her step as they walked.

Cillian chuckled softly, glancing back at her. “It’s old and small, but charming I think,” he replied, his voice light.

“Charming? What does that mean?” Sarah asked, swinging her arms and skipping forward.

“It means it has character,” Cillian said, his tone playful as they walked. “And stories, like old fairy tales," he went on to explain, gesturing towards the quaint houses lining the street, each with its own unique features.

"A writer used to live there. He used to write many stories actually," he continued, glancing down at Sarah, whose curiosity had completely captured her attention.

“Did he write about princesses?” Sarah’s voice brimmed with enthusiasm, eyes sparkling.

“Absolutely," Cillian said, a grin spreading across his face. “He would write about princesses who saved kingdoms and fought dragons,” he added, weaving stories with animated gestures, his energy infectious.

“Did they fight them with swords?” Sarah asked, her eyes wide, envisioning grand battles. Cillian nodded, playing up the drama.

“Of course!" he confirmed, and Sarah was in awe.

“Wow!” Sarah gasped, imagining the fierce princess charging into battle atop a magnificent steed. “And they’d win, right? Like all the time?”

Cillian raised his hand theatrically, “Always! They never backed down," Cillian told her and, after a while, you all arrived in front of the small townhouse in one of Dublin's better suburbs.

The townhouse stood with a quiet dignity, its brick facade softened by creeping ivy and blooming flowers spilling over the window boxes.

Sunlight danced over the charming entrance, a welcoming sight that sparked a flicker of hope in your heart. Cillian stopped at the front door, turning to Sarah.

“Ready to see your new, although temporary, home?” he asked and you all nodded.

“Yes!” Sarah exclaimed, eyes alight with eagerness.

Cillian smiled widely, then opened the door with a gentle push.

“Welcome, little warrior princess!” he said as he stepped aside, allowing the sunlight to spill into the foyer.

You followed Cillian inside, your heart fluttering with a mix of trepidation and anticipation. The interior was warm and inviting, with wooden floors polished to a shine and walls painted a soft, cheerful cream.

“It's not much, but it's furnished and has everything you and the girls will need," Cillian said, waving a hand to indicate the living area and kitchen.

"It's perfect, Cillian! Thank you!" you said, relief flooding your voice as you took in the small details—a cozy couch, a dining table, and a kitchen that radiated warmth.

“I’m glad you like it,” he replied, his voice softening as he noticed the hesitant smile on your face.

As you stepped further inside, Sarah peeked around, eyes darting from one item to another, absorbing every detail.

“Look at that!” She rushed toward a small bookshelf lined with children's books, her fingers skimming over the spines. “Do we get to read them all?”

Cillian knelt beside her, a gentle grin spreading across his face. “Absolutely! They are all yours now," he told her as he picked one up, its cover bright and vibrant, featuring a dragon and a small knight in shining armor.

“Why is all this stuff here?" you asked as you examined the spines of colorful books lining the shelf, suspicion mingling with curiosity. Cillian stood up, eyeing the shelves thoughtfully.

“The person who lived here sold it as is. She was an older lady who moved to a retirement home," he continued, his voice warm yet tinged with nostalgia. “She left behind all this, including the books. Figured it would be more special if the next family could enjoy them.”

Sarah’s eyes sparkled at the thought, her small hands already reaching for a bright book with a whimsical illustration on the cover.

“Can we read one now?” she asked, her innocence shining through.

“Definitely,” Cillian replied, smiling as he settled down on the floor, gesturing for Sarah to join him. “Which one do you want to read first?”

“This one!” she exclaimed, holding up a book with a vibrant cover and Cillian chuckled, taking the book from her hands as he cleared his throat before commencing to read.

“Once upon a time,” he started, weaving his voice into a melody that danced through the room. “In a kingdom far away, there lived a brave little knight...” he went on and Sarah settled beside him with rapt attention, her small body leaning closer as if the words themselves drew her in.

Cillian's voice turned animated as he read, infusing life into each character. “This knight was not afraid of the fiercest of dragons, for he knew that true bravery came from a kind heart.”

Sarah's eyes widened, her imagination lighting up with every word but, eventually, after about half an hour or so of storytelling, Cillian had to leave.

Cillian glanced at the clock on the wall, a slight furrow forming between his brows. “I have to head out in a bit to pick up my daughter, Nina, from the station,” he said softly, apologizing to Sarah, who couldn't believe that Cillian had a daughter too.

“Wait! You have a daughter?” Sarah’s eyes widened in disbelief, her curiosity bubbling over. “Is she like a princess, too?”

Cillian chuckled, ruffling her hair affectionately “Not exactly a princess,” he replied, his laughter warm and genuine. “But she’s pretty special in her own way and much older than you are, so she really doesn't like it when I call her princess now, you know. She's sixteen and quite independent,” he shared, a hint of pride in his voice.

“Sixteen? That’s so old!” Sarah exclaimed, her eyes sparkling with wonder. “What does she do?”

“She studies a lot,” Cillian replied, leaning back slightly to allow Sarah space for her imagination to roam. “Nina loves music and plays the guitar. She's very good at it, actually. She even writes her own songs,” Cillian added, a fond smile gracing his lips at the thought of his daughter.

“Can I meet her?" Sarah asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet, her excitement palpable.

Cillian smiled, the corners of his mouth lifting. “Absolutely, but you’ll have to wait just a bit longer. Maybe I can bring her around tomorrow," he promised, glancing at you before returning to Sarah.

“Tomorrow sounds great!” Sarah beamed, her enthusiasm radiating through the small room.

“Alright then,” Cillian said, standing up, brushing off the imaginary dust from his pants from the fairytale story.

“Now,” he clapped his hands together, “you look after your mum, okay?" Cillian said before gathering his things and you felt your heart swell at the sight of Sarah’s beaming face.

There was a flicker of resilience in the little girl, a balm against the scars of their past and the way Cillian interacted with her kindled something new in you—hope.

"I will see you tomorrow," Cillian eventually said as he moved toward the door, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer.

"The key is here," he gestured toward the small hook by the door, where a single brass key glinted in the warm light.

“Make sure you lock the door. It's got security features in case anything happens, but I don't think you have anything to worry about here."

You nodded, the weight of his reassurance settling gently in your chest.

"Oh and I have ordered some groceries, nappies and baby stuff for you. It should get delivered within the next couple of hours," he continued, his voice steady as he pulled open the front door.

"You're a lifesaver, Cillian," you replied, feeling an unexpected tightness in your throat. Gratitude swelled, the warmth of his kindness flooding through you.

Cillian’s smile deepened, his blue eyes reflecting sincerity. “Just doing what I can.”

He paused at the threshold, a spark of hesitation flickering in his gaze. “Remember, if you need anything, just call me,” he added, his voice low and intentional as he glanced at you, pointing at a cellphone he had also left for you that rested on the kitchen counter between the flower-patterned towels.

"I saved my number for you on that phone. You can contact me anytime, day or night," he added, his expression serious, underscoring the weight of his words.

“Thank you,” you said again, your voice barely above a whisper as you felt the depth of his sincerity wash over you before, finally, with a gentle smile and a wave, he stepped out into the cool Dublin afternoon, leaving you and Sarah inside the warm cocoon of the townhouse.

The door clicked softly shut behind him, a quiet reminder that you were safe, at least for now.

Sarah bounced on her toes, her energy bubbling over. “Can we read more stories?” she asked, her eyes wide with excitement as she clutched the book Cillian had left behind.

“Of course!” you replied, a smile creeping onto your face at her enthusiasm. “Pick a new one, and let’s see what adventures await.”

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

[httpvomitello]

She Is My World (part 2) *⁠.⁠✧

TW: Teenage pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy

previous - She Is My World part 1

Donnie stepped out of the dojo, his heart still racing from the conversation with Splinter. He took a deep breath, feeling like he’d aged a few years in the span of a single conversation. He hadn’t fully prepared for the road ahead, but at least he had his father’s support.

Before he could even process his next steps, his brothers practically ambushed him, surrounding him in the hallway.

“So… it’s true?” Leo asked, his expression caught somewhere between disbelief and concern.

“Bro,” Raph grunted, arms crossed, his usually stern expression softened with a hint of surprise. “Are you serious? Like… for real?”

Donnie shifted awkwardly under their gazes, nodding. “Yeah, it’s true. (Y/N) is pregnant.”

They all just stared at him for a moment, as if waiting for him to reveal it was some elaborate prank. But when he didn’t, the reality hit, and their reactions varied.

Raph let out a low whistle. “Man… I mean, I thought you and (Y/N) were serious, but…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I didn’t think this serious.”

Donnie swallowed, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the weight of their questions pressing down on him. “Yeah, trust me, I didn’t expect it either. But it happened, and I… I have to take responsibility.”

Leo smiled a little. “You know we’ll help you however we can.” He clapped a hand on Donnie’s shoulder, his eyes full of reassurance.

But then Mikey, wide-eyed and completely innocent, leaned in closer, curiosity radiating off him. “Wait, wait, wait.” He looked back and forth between his brothers, then locked eyes with Donnie, his face completely serious. “How did she, like… get pregnant?”

The question hung in the air like a firecracker that hadn’t yet exploded. Donnie’s face went beet red, and he stammered, trying to find a way to explain that wouldn’t end up in a full-blown anatomy lecture. “Uh, well… um… you know, it’s just… that’s kind of private, Mikey.”

Mikey tilted his head, oblivious to the awkwardness, his curiosity only growing. “But you gotta tell me, dude! I mean, does it just… happen? Like, you two held hands too long or something?” His eyes were as big as saucers, genuinely invested in understanding the mystery of pregnancy.

Donnie felt his face flush deeper as he struggled to keep his composure. “Mikey, no, that’s… that’s not how it works. It’s, uh, more complicated than that.”

Raph snickered, crossing his arms and grinning. “Come on, Don. You’re the genius here. Give Mikey the biology lesson.”

Leo shot Raph a warning look but couldn’t help suppressing a small smile. “Maybe… not the time, Raph.”

Mikey, however, was undeterred, staring at Donnie with all the persistence of a puppy. “Aw, come on! Just a quick explanation? You know… turtle to turtle?”

Donnie cleared his throat, desperately trying to maintain some dignity. “Mikey, let’s just say that it’s something that happens when two people love each other a lot and…”

“Yeah, I know all that,” Mikey said, nodding, though it was clear he was still a bit confused. “But I mean… like, how?”

Raph couldn’t resist, chuckling. “Geez, Mikey. You really don’t get it?”

Donnie was about to find some way to change the subject when Leo stepped in, saving him. “Look, Mikey, you don’t need all the details right now. Just know it’s something you will know when you are an adult. Okay?”

“Okay, okay,” Mikey relented, though he was still looking at Donnie with a mixture of awe and confusion. “Man, you’re gonna be a dad. That’s… huge.”

Donnie sighed, feeling a mixture of relief and anxiety swirling within him. “Trust me, I know. It’s… it’s terrifying, honestly. I still don’t know if I’m ready. But I don’t really have a choice anymore. I have to be.”

Leo nodded, giving Donnie a supportive smile. “ C'mon little bro, you know we will help you.”

Raph nodded. “Yeah, you may have messed up, but you’re owning up to it. That’s what counts.”

And then Mikey grinned and threw his arms around Donnie. “Hey, this means I get to be Uncle Mikey! Dibs on babysitting!”

[chvoswxtch]

to my fellow american friends, to say I am outraged by the results of the election is an understatement. I genuinely thought there was a chance to turn things around. there was so much hope and so much positive energy, that it makes me feel sick to my stomach to see it not come to fruition. even though I am someone who is always cynical and expects disappointment, this time, I really let myself believe it would be different

I don’t really know what to say, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can say to offer comfort. right now I just feel angry and sad, and that’s not going to change anytime soon. I want to be explicitly clear when I say if you voted for that racist, homophobic, misogynistic rapist, I have no respect for you, and I want nothing to do with you. also if you didn’t vote at all, i’m pissed at you

to everyone else, this blog will remain a safe space. I know you’re tired and you’re angry and you’re sad, and it’s okay to feel those things. feel them, process them however you need to, and then we will move forward. I want you to know that I love you, I am proud of you, I am grateful that you exist, and I will never stop fighting for your right to exist as a human being. i’m not gonna say we survived this once and can do it again, because we shouldn’t have to survive our government, and this time around things are going to be worse. what I can say is that I am here for whatever you need, and I will do my best to help in anyway I can

sending so much love to all of y’all. we’ll get through this together 🖤

[giggly-squiggily]

If slots are not already filled then may I ask for Ler: Anya, Lee: Yor?

It is okay if you wanna decline this :3

(Not sure if you are taking requests for this fandom or not.. if not then I am sorry 😅)

My HEART!!! God I adore Spy x Family- it's been a hot minute since I've written for them, so this is a perfect opportunity! Friend, I've gotcha covered!

Cloud 9 (Taglist Peeps):

@thatbigbisexual29 @dirtpie39 @duckymcdoorknob @baby-tickles2022 @cupcake-spice13 @rachi-roo @chibisstuff @imjusthere07 @sevenincubistolemyheart @riisada

“Mama!” Anya stretched out her small hands, eyes glittering with joy. “Let’s play dress up!”

“Dress up?” She asked, surprised by the request. It wasn’t unusual for Anya to want to play; she was ever the adorable if not hyperactive child coming up with games and scenarios for both her toys and parents alike. However- majority of Anya’s games usually centered around some sort of spy related theme- missions and secret operations of the sort. It wasn’t common to hear her request something so…normal sounding. “Okay. I’d love to play dress up with you, Anya! What’s the theme?”

“Disguising ourselves and invading the evil doer’s party!” Anya cried. Yor nearly laughed out loud. Looks like her hunch wasn’t too far off. “I’m gonna need my top agents for the task- but Papa’s working right now. We’ll be short, but it’ll have to do!”

“Very well, agent Anya!” Yor saluted her, ready to help out. “I’ll be sure to put in twice the effort needed to accommodate our shortcomings!”

“What does accom-acu-” Anya blinked, brows furrowing as she tried to say the word. “What does that mean?”

“It means I’m all yours for dressing up.” Yor scooped her up and tickled her gently, making her burst into giggles. “Lead the way, Agent Anya!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yor knew what she was getting into- and yet at the same time, she wasn’t prepared at the slightest.

“Mama, you’re gonna blend right in!” Anya cheered in glee, running the small but surprisingly painful plastic brush through the back of Yor’s hair again and again. She usually made sure to detangle it every morning, but given it’d been up most of the day in her usual style, there were a few snags. Every hidden wince felt like repentance for the days she forced Yuri to sit still while she combed through the bird’s nest on his head growing up. “And you’re gonna look super pretty!”

“Aww! Tha-ank you Anya!” Yor smiled despite the sharp tug, internally glad when she heard her daughter put the brush down. “What kind of party is it? Did you get any intel?”

“But of course. Agent Bond was on the case- he said it was a mass-mass-masquito ball!”

“Masquerade ball?” Where did Anya learn that?

“Yeah! He said it was full of fancy people all hiding their faces with masks! He said he saw the bad guy at the party too. They were trading super secret messages!” Anya reached out and tugged at Yor’s hair some, gathering bits up the best she could. “We need to in-infull..”

“Infiltrate?”

“Yeah!” Anya nodded, her excitement once again tugging at Yor’s head and making her wince slightly. “In fa-trait the secrets, Agent Mama!”

“I won’t let them get away!” Despite her cheery voice, she could feel Anya getting a bit frustrated. Her arms weren’t long enough to gather all of Yor’s hair, and her even smaller hands weren’t quite dexterous enough  to do much with it. She was about to offer a hand when Anya’s fingers slipped, pressing into her collarbones. “Ee!”

“Oops- did I hurt you?” Anya asked, wide eyed and voice sounding suddenly thick. Yor had to be quick.

“Oh no, honey- not at all!” She reassured her, smiling. “I’m just a bit ticklish there.”

Anya’s tears faded, her face a look of wonder. “Mama is ticklish?” Oh dear- maybe she shouldn’t have been that honest.

“Just a little bit.” Yor gave her one last smile before turning her back to her daughter- already knowing where this was going but deciding to accept her fate. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

Anya giggled. “Okay!” When her small hands came back to her hair however, they didn’t make their mark. Instead, they gently rested on her shoulders, skittering. “Tickle tickle Mama! Hehehe!”

“Ah! Ahahahhaha! Oohohohoho nohohohoho!” Yor burst into giggles, shrugging her shoulders up as she barely leaned away, giggling up a storm. “Mihihihy ohoohonly wehahhahakness! Nohohohot tiihhihihickling!”

Did it really tickle? Kinda- but Yor wasn’t gonna rain on Anya’s parade. Especially when she let out a delighted squeal, proud of her discovery. “I got you now! This was all a trick Agent Mama- or should I say; the bad guy?”

Yor let out a dramatic gasp through her giggle fits, clutching her pearls. “Hhohoohw did yohohohou know? I thohohohught I hahahd a goohohohod coohohover! Ahehahhahhaaha!”

“Agent Anya knows all! I had my team following both the party and you! Tell me- where’s the real Agen Mama?” She switched to poking now- which okay, maybe it really tickled this time! Yor let out a surprised giggle as she fell over, still giving Anya equal opportunity to tickle her. “Spill the beans!”

“Nehnehehehver! I’ll nehehehver thehehell!” Yor cried back, laughing now more out of Anya’s adorable antics than from the tickling. “Yoohohu’ll nehhehehever ghehhet me to squeuueahahal!”

“So you say- but I’ve got you! Agent Bond! Help!” With her call, Bond came bounding into the room, woofing and skittering against the wooden floors. “Help me make her confess!”

“Borf!” Now Yor had two beings on her- Anya and her tickly fingers and Bond with his relentless kisses! She let out a squeal of laughter at the attacks, trying to gently push Bond away while petting him simultaneously. This of course only encouraged the big furball, leaving her more entrapped then before.

“Nohohohohohoohoho pleahhahahhahse! Pleahahhhahse I’ll tehhehehell yoohohohohu!” Yor cried, tapping out against the ground beneath her when she finally reached her limit. In response, Anya stopped her tickles, and even Bond refrained from further drowning her in kisses. “Thahahnk you.”

“You're welcome. Now- tell me where Agent Mama is!” Anya puffed her cheeks determinedly, balling her fists up to show true determination. Yor let out a giggle before grabbing around her eyes, pretending to peel back a mask. “AH! Agent Mama?! It was you all along!”

“Ha ha! Yes- it was me! This was all a test from the-erm, peanut corps! They wanted to see if you were up to par with your investigation!” Yor sat up, struggling not to laugh at Anya’s jaw dropped expression. “Congratulations, Agent Anya. You have passed!”

Anya went from shock to excited, gleefully jumping into Yor’s arms with a happy cry. “Yay! We passed, Bond! We passed!”

Their cheering was suddenly interrupted by someone clearing their throat. All eyes turned to a clearly amused Loid leaning against the doorframe. “Am I interrupting?”

“Papa!” Anya ran over at full speed, nearly knocking the air out of him. “You’re home!”

“Welcome back, Loid.” Yor smiled at the sight, smoothing her hair down with a small blush as she stood. “How was work?”

“It was…certainly interesting.” Loid laughed gently, patting Anya’s head. “Go wash up for dinner. I’m making hamburg steak tonight.”

Anya let out a delighted squeal as she ran off, Bond following and leaving the two adults alone. Yor giggled in her hand, her heart warm at just how precious Anya was. “She’s so sweet. Hm? What is it?”

Loid was staring at her- well; he was before she pointed it out. His gaze was so soft and kind- an expression she’d swore she’d seen a hundred times before but felt different all the same. “Sorry- I…don’t really know. I think I was lost for words for a minute there.”

Yor’s eyes widened some, her cheeks filling with color. Surely he didn’t mean it like the way all those romantic leads in movies meant it? His own face colored as he looked away, gaze shy and ever so cute. “I should go make dinner. I’ll see you soon?”

“Oh, erm. Absolutely. I’ll come help.” She nodded as he turned to go, fanning at her cheeks.

“Yor.”

“What?” She nearly jumped at her own name. He seemed to linger, shoulders tense.

“You…you’re very pretty when you laugh.” His ears were on fire as he practically sprinted away. Yor’s ears were ringing from the amount of blood that flooded her cheeks at his words. Was she swaying? Was this swooning?

Did he…call her pretty?

Her lips pulled into a smile, hands against her chest as if to keep her heart from breaking free. She waited until it was at a reasonable pace before joining her husband and daughter for dinner.

It never did slow down though. Not once.

Thanks for reading!

[lvnleah]

Please could you do a fic with Rory having her first tantrum and make beth and viv unsure on what to do, maybe they ask friends to help? Idk just an idea

Rory’s first tantrum.

thank you for this request!

Your first tantrum came out of nowhere. 

Beth and Viv were trying to get you to wear your coat but you didn’t want to. It was too itchy and didn't feel nice to wear. Instead, you wanted to wear just your T-shirt. 

“Well done, Roo!” Beth praised you as you put your welly boots on. “Do you need help putting your coat on?”

“Nooo!” You whined, hating the thought of having to even touch the coat, “No coat, Mummy!”

“Roo, it’s cold outside,” Viv gently reminded you, “It’s autumn so we need to put our big coats on, don’t we? Me and Mummy have ours on!”

“No!” You shouted, jumping down off of the shoe bench and crossing your arms over your chest. “No coat! It’s not comfy Mamma!”

Beth sighed, crouching down to your level. “I know it’s not comfy, munchkin, but we can’t go out unless you wear something warm. How about we just try it on for a second? If it’s too uncomfortable, we’ll figure something else out.”

You stomped your foot in frustration, your face scrunched up. “No!” you yelled, tears starting to well up in your eyes. “No coat! No, no, no!”

You’d been in a little bit of a mood all morning after having little to no sleep. It was one of those nights where Beth and Viv couldn’t get you to settle down, no matter what they tried. Eventually, they gave up trying to get you to settle in your own room and brought you into theirs where you seemed to be much happier.   

Viv crouched down, her voice still calm but a little firmer now. “Rory, you need to put your coat on, okay? It’s too cold out for just a t-shirt.”

“Here look, let’s just try it, yeah?” Beth suggested, trying to slip your arm into the coat. 

You whacked Beth’s arm away from you, “No Mummy!” You screamed, “No coat!”

Beth gasped softly, more out of surprise than pain. She looked over at Viv, her eyes wide, unsure of what to do. It was the first time you’d ever lashed out like that.

“Rory, no, we don’t hit Mummy,” she said, “hitting is not okay, even when we’re upset. We can use our words to tell Mummy and Mamma how we feel, but we don’t hit okay?”

You froze, realising what had just happened. Tears streamed down your cheeks, and you mumbled, “I didn’t mean to, Mummy…”

Beth still crouched down, pulled you into a gentle hug. “I know, Roo. I know you didn’t mean to, but we have to be kind, even when we’re frustrated.” She kissed the top of your head, her voice soft. “It’s okay to feel upset, but we can talk about it instead of hitting, yeah?”

You sniffled, nodding against her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Mummy.”

Beth smiled gently, stroking your hair. “It’s okay, love. We all get upset sometimes. But we can always fix it by talking.”

Viv, still sitting close, offered you a small smile. “Let’s try something else, yeah? Would you like to pick a different coat? Maybe your jumper instead?”

Your tears slowed, and you looked between your mums. “Can I wear the jumper?”

Beth wiped the last of your tears away, smiling. “Of course, you can, sweetheart. We just want you to be warm.”

Viv grabbed your favourite jumper from the coat rack and held it out to you. “Here you go, Roo. Does this feel better?”

You nodded as Beth pulled it over your head, the soft material instantly making you feel more comfortable. “Thank you, Mamma.”

Viv ruffled your hair, relief washing over her face. “There we go. Ready for our walk now?”

You smiled, your little hand reaching out for Beth’s. “Ready!”

Finally, you made your way out of the house. Beth and Viv held your hands as you skipped along, chattering happily, all traces of the earlier tantrum forgotten. The park was only a short walk from your house. 

Beth led you to the swings, lifting you up gently as you clutched the chains, a wide smile spreading across your face. “Ready, Roo?” she asked, and you nodded eagerly.

As she started to push, your little giggles overtook your tiny body. Viv stood nearby, watching you with a smile. She occasionally joined in, taking turns pushing you and laughing along with Beth as you demanded, “Higher! Higher!”

Eventually, you got bored of the swing and made a beeline for the slide. You climbed up the stairs as Beth and Viv stood at either side of the slide. 

“I’m gonna go sooo fast!” You declared once you reached the top, “Mamma! Catch me at the bottom.”

Viv moved to the bottom of the slide, ready to catch you. 

You perched at the top of the slide, a huge grin on your face, your little hands gripping the sides. “Here I come, Mamma!” you shouted before pushing off, sliding down as fast as your little legs could go.

Viv held her arms out, catching you gently as you landed with a squeal. She lifted you up, throwing you around as you giggled. “There’s my speedy Roo!” she laughed, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Again!” you cried, wriggling in her arms, eager to go back up.

Beth chuckled, watching the two of you with a fond smile. “Alright, little daredevil, but just a few more times, okay? We’ll have to head home soon.”

You scrambled up the slide ladder, bouncing with excitement. This time, Beth moved to the bottom, ready to catch you. Viv stood next to her, grinning as you shouted, “Mummy, catch me this time!”

Beth braced herself, arms out, as you zoomed down. When you reached her, she scooped you up, pulling you into a big hug as you bursted into laughter. 

“Got you, Roo!” she said, spinning you around in the air. “You’re getting faster every time!”

You smiled, proud of yourself. “I’m the fastest!”

Beth raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise. “Oh, are you sure? Mamma and I are pretty fast too, you know.”

You giggled, jumping up and down as Beth set you down on the floor. “I’ll beat you both! Let’s race to that big tree!”

The three of you lined up at the “starting line,” and Viv counted down dramatically. “Three… two… one… go!”

You took off, pumping your little legs as fast as you could toward the big tree. Beth and Viv jogged alongside you, pretending to struggle to keep up, laughing as you pulled ahead, clearly in the lead.

When you reached the tree, you turned around, breathless and beaming with pride. “I won! I’m the winner!”

Viv bent down, hands on her knees, pretending to catch her breath. “Wow, Roo, you really are the fastest! You beat Mummy and Mamma!”

Beth laughed, “Well done, munchkin!”

Vivv checked the time on her phone, noticing it was nearly lunchtime. “Alright, Roo, I think it’s about time we head home, yeah? Mamma and Mummy are getting hungry.”

But you were still filled with energy and didn’t want to leave. You shook your head defiantly. “No! More playing!”

Beth exchanged a knowing look with Viv. “I know you’re having fun, sweetheart, but we’ve been here a long time. We need to eat soon.”

You pouted, crossing your arms. “But I don’t want to go!”

Viv crouched down to your level, her voice calm and understanding. “I know, Roo. It’s hard to leave when you’re having fun, isn’t it? But we can come back another day, and we can have a yummy lunch together at home. Maybe we can even have a special treat after?”

The mention of a treat caught your attention, and you looked up, curious. “What kind of treat?”

Beth smiled, playing along. “How about a warm cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream? You can even help Mummy and Mamma make it.”

You tilted your head, thinking it over, the thought of hot chocolate starting to win you over. “With marshmallows?”

Beth grinned. “Definitely with marshmallows. Lots of them.”

You gave a small nod, your pout beginning to fade. “Okay… but only if I can have three marshmallows!”

Viv laughed, holding out her hand. “Deal. Three marshmallows it is!”

With the promise of hot chocolate, you finally agreed to leave the park. Beth and Viv each took one of your hands, swinging them playfully as you made your way back home. Along the way, you chattered about how fast you were, replaying the race and declaring yourself the fastest runner in the whole world.

Once home, Beth helped you take off your boots while Viv set up everything for hot chocolate in the kitchen. True to her word, she let you add exactly three marshmallows to your cup, and Beth sprayed whipped cream on top, making you giggle as it formed a fluffy mountain.

Sitting at the table, you sipped your hot chocolate, a little moustache of whipped cream forming on your upper lip. Beth and Viv couldn’t help but smile, watching you, their little bundle of energy, finally calm and content.

Beth reached over, wiping the whipped cream from your lip with a chuckle. “How’s that, munchkin?”

You grinned, holding your mug with both hands. “It’s the best!”

Later that evening, after you’d finally settled down with a blanket, Twix and Viv, Beth snuck off to the kitchen, phone in hand. She leaned against the counter, glancing back towards the living room where you were quietly watching your show. With a deep breath, she dialled Leah’s number.

After a few rings, Leah’s familiar voice came through. “Hey, Beth! What’s up?”

Beth sighed, her voice low. “Hey, Le. You got a second? I just… I could use some advice.”

Leah instantly picked up on her tone. “Of course. What’s going on?”

Beth rubbed her forehead, chuckling softly. “Roo had her first tantrum today. Full-on meltdown over her coat. I mean, I knew it would happen eventually, but… I didn’t expect it to be this intense.”

Leah laughed gently, sympathetic. “Ah, welcome to the club. Buddy threw a tantrum last week because her apple slices weren’t ‘happy enough.’ It’s all part of the deal.”

Beth let out a relieved laugh, feeling a bit less alone. “Yeah? I thought maybe we’d done something wrong. It was just… shocking. She’s never done that before.”

“Oh, Beth, that’s normal. Kids are still learning how to express themselves. Sometimes their emotions get too big, and they don’t know how to handle it,” Leah reassured her. “But the fact that she felt bad about it right after? That shows she’s a sensitive, caring kid. You’re doing great with her.”

Beth felt a wave of relief wash over her. “Thanks, Le. I just… I want to make sure we handle it right, you know? We told her it’s okay to be upset, but not okay to hit. Do you think that was the right way to go about it?”

“Absolutely,” Leah said. “Reassuring her that she’s allowed to feel what she feels but can express it in better ways is perfect. It’s all about consistency. And if you’re feeling lost, remember that you and Viv are both there to help each other through it.”

Beth smiled, “I really needed to hear that. Thank you.”

Leah’s voice softened. “Anytime. Parenting isn’t easy, but you’re doing an amazing job. Rory’s lucky to have you both.”

Beth glanced back towards you, her heart swelling as she watched you curl up on the couch, engrossed in your show with Viv.  “Thanks, Le. That means a lot coming from you. I’m glad she’s got such a good auntie in her life too.”

Leah chuckled on the other end. “Anytime, Beth. Just wait for when she’s a teenager and throws a tantrum over curfews or phone limits.”

Beth laughed, shaking her head. “I’m dreading them days, honestly.”

Just then, she heard a little voice calling from the living room. “Mummy!”

Beth straightened, her smile widening. “Guess that’s my cue.”

Leah grinned. “Give Viv and my little Roo a hug from me.”

“Will do,” Beth promised, hanging up. Taking a deep breath, she pocketed her phone and returned to the living room. 

“Alright, munchkin, what’s next?” she asked, ruffling your hair as you looked up at her with a grin, safe and sound in the warmth of your family.

“Mummy!” you chirped, patting the seat beside you on the couch. “Sit with me and Mamma!”

Beth smiled and slid onto the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders as Viv looked over with a warm smile. You immediately snuggled into her side, and Viv reached over to gently rub your back.

“What are we watching, Roo?” Beth asked, peeking at the screen.

You pointed, your eyes bright. “It’s the one with the big red dog, Mummy! He’s sooo big!”

Beth nodded with exaggerated amazement. “Wow, the biggest dog in the world! You think we could handle one that big, Roo?”

You giggled, shaking your head. “Nooo, Twix is already big enough!” 

Viv laughed, resting her head on Beth’s shoulder. “I think Twix would be very jealous of a big red dog around here.”

You watched the show, your little hand resting on Beth’s knee while Viv’s arm stayed wrapped around you. Eventually, the show ended, and you let out a long yawn, blinking sleepily.

Beth leaned down, brushing a soft kiss against your forehead. “Looks like it’s time for bed, munchkin.”

You whined softly, rubbing your eyes. “But… but I’m not tired!”

Viv smirked, lifting you gently into her arms. “Not tired, huh? Those sleepy eyes say otherwise.”

You clung to Viv’s neck, burying your face in her shoulder as she carried you towards your room, Beth following closely behind. Once you were in your pyjamas and tucked into bed, Viv sat beside you while Beth pulled up over you. 

Beth smiled, her voice soft. “Want a bedtime story?”

You nodded eagerly, your sleepiness momentarily forgotten. “Yes, please, Mummy!”

Beth started the story, her voice calm and gentle as she described a magical land filled with talking animals and hidden treasures. Your eyelids began to droop, and soon, you were fast asleep, the day’s adventures finally catching up to you.

Beth and Viv stayed for a moment, watching you sleep peacefully, a smile of pride and love shared between them.

Beth whispered, “We did alright today, didn’t we?”

Viv squeezed her hand gently. “More than alright. We’re doing the best we can, and I think that’s enough.”

[detta-pica]

By the time they’ve arrived, they are both drenched in sweat. The humid heat clings like an evil, suffocating wet blanket. Suguru is still distracted with the case files, so Satoru manages to slip into the bathroom first for a quick shower. When he emerges, in boxers and a thin t-shirt, Suguru’s heart lodges in his throat. Normally, he’d be mesmerised by the glistening skin and droplets of water trickling from Satoru’s white hair. Now, Suguru can’t tear his eyes away from the scars marring Satoru’s right thigh, the side of his throat. Satoru, of course, catches him staring. “Hey--” “Sorry.” Suguru looks away. Horrifyingly, his eyes prickle with gathering tears. “Sorry. I’ll be right out.” He goes to brush past Satoru and into the bathroom. “No.” Satoru grabs him by the arm, jerks him back a step. “You don’t get to look at me like I’m fucking--I don’t know. Broken. Then run away! Stop being a coward and just--” “I’m sorry.” Suguru can’t make himself meet his gaze. It’s enough that he can taste Satoru’s too-hot caramel discomfort and burning pineapple hurt. “I’m trying. I know you’re--” He waves his free hand restlessly. “Okay. I know that.” “Great! So act like it.” “I don’t--it’s not as easy as just deciding to do that. For the longest two hours of my life, I thought you were dead, so--” “So you’re gonna treat me like I’m weak just because--” “No!” Suguru faces him, finally, sees the reddened skin around his eyes. He wants to shake Satoru until he sees reason, and he wants to kiss him until he forgets what it means to be hurt. Suguru gives into the urge to touch, curling his fingers in Satoru’s collar, knuckles brushing against scar tissue. “No. You’re the strongest person I know.” As if to prove Suguru’s point, Satoru bridges the gap between them for real, wrapping his hand around Suguru’s wrist, skin to skin. “It’s easier to be strong when you’re here to back me up.” Suguru almost gives in. Almost lets himself drown in those blue eyes, almost leans in to see whether Satoru’s aura tastes different right at its source. Suguru wants to cradle Satoru close and explain to him that Suguru’s trauma has nothing to do with who Satoru is as a person, and everything to do with the shit they’ve both gone through. That Suguru would love him weak, but hopes, for Satoru’s sake, to never know what that’s like. “I am here,” Suguru says instead. “Maybe I’m the one that’s weak, you ever thought of that? Since I haven’t been able to shake this like you have.” Satoru recoils a little, eyes round and wet. He doesn’t let go. “That’s stupid. It’s like you said--no one’s helping us with this shit. We’re on our own. But that’s fine, right? Who else would we need?” His hope is always so ephemeral, spun sugar melting into nothing on Suguru’s tongue in seconds. Suguru hates the world so much in this moment, he feels like it’s going to spill out of him and stain anyone who touches him. It’s a struggle to transfer the ugly feelings to his familiar, Dragon, and keep his aura free of whatever incriminating colours and shapes Satoru would be able to see. “Yeah,” Suguru says, meaning it. “We’ll handle it.”

A snippet from a prequel fic in the stsg witchcraft AU. I'm a little unsure about the characterisation here, but the AU is a softer one, without all the violence of canon, so hopefully it makes sense that Satoru and Suguru can't hide their feelings from each other/pretend their feelings away as easily as in the manga.

[sturnsmia]

𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑬 | 𝑴𝑨𝑻𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑶𝑳𝑶

𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉… when matt sees his best friend constantly suffering under her boyfriend’s mistreatment, he takes matters into his own hands.

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: toxic and slightly abusive boyfriend, murder (in detail), knives, blood, if u don’t feel comfortable do not read!!

𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆: hi hi! i wanted to post something a little more spooky for halloween but i didn’t finish in time lol, sorry. i hope you guys like it! also send me requests for things to write or just to chat. i lovee responding to anons (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

it was late at night when you were at the triplets house with your friend madison. you guys had spent the night watching movies and catching up with each other after enduring a long week of work. unfortunately you had a whole lot to talk about considering your boyfriend, noah was starting to piss you off.

“i don’t even know what his problem is! one second he’s saying im the love of his life and then two minutes later he’s screaming at me for spending i didn’t do!” you explained to your friends while flailing your hands around in awkward gestures to express your frustration. “and that’s not even the worst part! he had the fucking nerve to grab my wrist when i tried to walk away from him! and it wasn’t a gentle touch it was like this.” you reached to your right and grabbed matt’s wrist before gripping it harshly, causing him to pull away. you whispered a little sorry and shot him a quick smile.

“what the hell! that’s not okay, why the fuck would he do that?” chris questioned with a mouth full of popcorn.

“ugh i have no idea its so stupid the way he’s acting.” you groaned, leaning your head back on the couch.

matt clenched his jaw at the thought of your boyfriend laying his hands on you. he never liked noah from the start, not that noah enjoyed his presence either. noah constantly complained that matt had feelings for you and that it was obvious to everyone. whenever he brought it up you defended your best friend, explaining that you and matt have known each other since the two of you were kids, and you’ve always hung around the triplets. regardless of your constant reassurances, noah never attempted to make amends with matt.

“honestly y/n, that’s so fucked for him to do, and you need to stand up for yourself and set boundaries! don’t let him push you around.” madison spoke from the other side of the couch beside nick, who nodded in agreement to her statement.

you sighed, thinking about the possibilities that could happen if you talked back to noah. he definitely would not take it lightly.

“maybe you should just break up with him.” matt spoke with nonchalance. your head snapped to look at the boy who just spoke utter nonsense. “you’re funny matthew.”

“i mean this isn’t the first time he’s done something shitty to you. it’s clearly hurting you physically and mentally, so why not just let him go?” matt shrugged turning towards you.

“because i love him, matt. just because he does a couple things i don’t like doesn’t mean we have to break up.” you spoke with slight annoyance in your tone. nick, chris, and madison exchanged awkward glances, avoiding getting involved.

matt sighed, connecting your hands together and rubbing it softly with his thumb. “i know, i didn’t mean it like that, i’m sorry. we all just want you to be happy.” chris nodded his head before shoving another piece of popcorn in his mouth.

nick stretches his arms dramatically before yawning. “okay it’s pretty late, we should get to bed. y/n i know you’re staying the night, madison do you wanna stay too?”

“i would but i have to get up early for a meeting tomorrow so i have to head home now.” madison said while collecting her purse from the ground. “i’ll miss you.” you frowned, pulling her in for a hug.

“y/n we’ll see each other again in like two days.” madison laughed as she hugged you, rubbing your back softly. “bye boys, i’ll see you guys later! love you!” she smiled, walking down the stairs and out the front door.

as you heard the front door slam shut, you and nick stood up from the couch and started walking towards the stairs before matt gently pulled your wrist back. nick continued walking up the stairs as you stopped.

you turn around, staring at his icy blue eyes. “yeah?” you asked softly. matt brushed a piece of hair out of your face and tucked it behind your ear. “make sure that little idiot boyfriend of yours doesn’t touch you like that again or i’ll have to go pay him a visit, alright?”

you giggle softly at his statement considering he always jokes about putting noah in his place. “alright mr tough guy don’t go around hurting people now.” you murmured, pushing your finger to his chest. “goodnight matt” you said gently, a warm smile spreading across your face as he shooed you away to nick’s room.

“good night angel” matt replied back as you made your way up the stairs.

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

the next day you woke up around 11am and ate breakfast with the triplets before returning to your own apartment. you twisted the doorknob to your front door open and quickly dumped your purse lazily on the floor before flopping down face first onto the couch. you laid there until you heard a notification chime and looked up to see your phone.

it was a text from noah telling you he was coming over because you had abandoned him last night for matt. you roll your eyes at his snide remark before tapping your fingers on your phone to reply a quick “okay”.

you got up from the couch and walked over to the bathroom to clean yourself up a bit. you brushed out the small tangles in your hair and open the drawer to take out a tube of mascara and an eyelash curler. leaning over the counter towards the mirror, you brushed the mascara wand over your lashes. you swapped out the mascara for your space camp cherry flavored lip balm and swiped it across your lips. after putting everything back in the bathroom drawers you left the bathroom and went to your room searching for a comfortable outfit. you settled on navy blue sweatpants and a lacy white tank top.

as you finished changing you heard a loud knocks coming from the front door, alerting you that your boyfriend had arrived. you quickly walked to the front door and opened it to reveal noah looking slightly irritated when he saw you.

“hi baby!” you smile warmly at him and pull him in for a hug. noah wraps one arm around your shoulder and pats your back softly. you pull away after noticing he’s not acting normal. “is everything alright?”

“yeah i’m fine.” he responds dryly. your eyebrows furrow showing your confusion, noah notices and realizes your not satisfied with his answer. “you couldn’t have maybe put yourself together and looked a little nicer for me before i got here?”

the smile from your face drops immediately, turning into an fustrated and slightly embarrassed look. noah shut the door behind him and sat down at the table in your kitchen, waiting for you to move from the front door.

“are you being serious?” you murmured, keeping your eyes on the door and avoiding eye contact. “what?” noah’s face twisted in slight annoyance at your sudden attitude. “you’re telling me that you’re in this “mood” all of a sudden that causes you not to give your girlfriend a hug or kiss when you see her? all because i don’t look pretty enough?” you say sternly, attempting to hide the hurt in your heart.

noah quickly stood up from his seated position, the wooden chair he once sat on tumbling to the floor with a loud bang. your eyes finally turned to him and see his jaw clenched and his eyes burning with fury. “now i don’t know what those sturniolo boys got into your head, but i’m sure not liking this bitchy attitude you got goin’ on.” noah sneered, shaking his head in disapproval.

you scoff at him, he always found a way to blame this on them. “this has nothing to do with them. you can’t say some bullshit to me and expect me not to say something back!” your tone starting to raise. “woah there! don’t mess with the tough girl here, all high and mighty!” noah said sarcastically, raising his arms up for dramatics.

“you’re so fucking immature!” you yell at him with tears starting to well in your eyes. the look in his eyes immediately made you regret your sudden outburst, your heart sunk to your stomach. noah slowly walked towards you. “what the hell did you just say to me?”. you swallowed hard and fidgeted with your fingers, out of instinct you turned to the front door and grabbed the handle. before you could open it, noah put his hand on your shoulder and harshly turned you around, pushing your back to the door.

“i asked you a goddamn question!” he spat, his grip remained tight on your shoulder as he kept you pinned against the door. tears started to fall from your eyes as you clenched your jaw and kept a stern look. “get off me.” you muttered. noah kept his eyes on you, his rough hands gripped even tighter on your bare shoulder. you pushed him back, causing him to release his grip. before he could say anything you turned away from him and raced out the front door.

you ran to your car and slammed the door shut. at this point the emotions you had hiden came crashing down as you drove through the neighborhoods. wiping your tears and sniffling at every red light, you drove as fast as you possibly could to the only faces you wanted to see.

after parking your car, you walked quickly to the front door slightly shivering from the breeze considering you didn’t get to grab a sweater before you left. you knocked loudly on the door impatiently waiting for someone to answer.

chris opened the door with a bright smile on his face before seeing your teary and red eyes. “hey, what’s going on?” he asked softly. you couldn’t even respond before you latched onto him for a hug as broken sobs escaped your throat. “oh no. hey shhh it’s okay don’t cry, don’t cry.” chris held you tight and stroked your hair gently before matt and nick walked down the stairs to see what had taken their brother so long to answer the door.

“y/n, sweetheart let’s go upstairs to the living room okay?” nick whispered softly. you looked up from chris’s chest to see nick and matt with worried expressions plastered on their face. nick took your hand and interlocked them before leading you up the stairs and onto the couch. he sat down next to you as you rested your head in his lap. matt and chris followed behind the two of you and took a seat beside nick.

“tell me what happened y/n, did you get hurt? do i need to kill someone?” nick asked, rubbing your shoulder. “it-it was noah” you choked out with a sniffle. “he came to see me and, he got upset with me because he said i didn’t look nice enough for him when he came over.” matt’s anger started to bubble up just hearing noah’s name. “i yelled back at him and told him he was being immature. and when i tried to leave but he grabbed my shoulder and pushed me against the door. i had to push him back before he finally let go.” you rambled, tears falling from your eyes.

matt’s jaw hardened after hearing what noah had done to you. he gave chris a hard stare before they both stood up and walked down the stairs without saying a word. “wha-where are they going?” you asked, sitting up and turning to nick. “don’t worry about it, let’s get you cozy and do something to get your mind off that brainless boyfriend of yours.” nick suggested with a smile, wrapping a fuzzy blanket around your shivering bare shoulders.

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊

matt’s gripped the steering wheel of his car so hard his knuckles were almost white. he couldn’t believe that your idiotic boyfriend would ever think it’s okay to lay his hands on a women, especially you. you always found a way to forgive noah for his mistakes because of your kind heart. the thoughts coursing through his mind made the drive to noah’s house a fast ride. he already knew the directions from previous occasions when you had asked matt to drop you off there.

“you don’t need me to come in do you?” chris asked as matt jumped out of the driver seat. he grabbed a small object out of the side door and looked up at his brother. “no, i’ll be fast.” matt responded slamming the door shut and walking up to your front door. he twisted the door knob and pushed it open using his shoulder. noah looked up from his phone and stood up from his spot on the couch, looking at matt.

“dude what the fuck?” noah sneered, looking confused at the loud noise coming from the front door. until he recognized the face that was staring back at him. “matthew sturniolo, what brings you here today?” his face twisted into a cocky smile.

“do you find pride in hurting your girlfriend?” matt said through gritted teeth. noah laughed from across the room “what’d she tell you now, that i’m abusing her? god she’s so full of lies.” matt slammed the front door shut before taking slow steps towards noah.

“i won’t ever understand how she fell in love with such a lowlife like you.” matt scolded, keeping intense eye contact with the boy in front of him.

“what? you jealous i get to fuck her instead of you? get over yourself, she’s mine.” noah teased, a grin present on his face. matt scoffed and reached into his pocket, he was sick and tired of the way your boyfriend treated you like an object and constantly put you through so much pain.

“i never liked you from the start. i always knew you would be a shitty boyfriend. but y/n always finds a way to see the good in people, even the most insufferable people like you. and i won’t let you take advantage of that.” matt fumed, pulling his hand out from his denim pocket. noah’s eyes widened at the pocket knife in matt’s hand. he stepped back but was met with a wall behind him, he had nowhere to run.

“woah man let’s just talk this out i can-“ matt didn’t let him finish talking before piercing his stomach with his knife. noah let out weak groans before matt retracted his hand, releasing the blade from his lower abdomen. in a swift motion matt struck him again and again, watching the knife go through his chest. over and over and over again.

noah’s body quickly fell limp underneath him. matt crouched down, using the carpet to wipe the blood off his pocket knife before clicking it shut and placing it back into his pocket. matt stood back up looking down at the lifeless body beneath him, a smirk creeping on his face.

“she’s always been mine.”

xoxo, mia ♡

[inkykeiji]

hihi! your rb with the tags about your profession had me intrigued and I wanted to ask, what DID kill the Hollywood system? if you don't mind me asking >u<

HI HI HI HEHEHE first of all i hope you’re doing well!!! seCONDLY OMGGG thank you for indulging me waaaaah i love talking about golden age/classical hollywood and the studio system!!!

beware: i rambled on and on below the cut >.< apologies for the mini essay in advance waaah

OKAY SO. first, a little context. the classical hollywood studio system originally utilized a practice called ‘vertical integration’, which basically means they owned and operated ALL channels of production, distribution, AND exhibition—aka, they controlled literally everything in regards to the films they made, which was like 90% of american filmmaking at the time. this, naturally, made it quite difficult for any film that wasn’t a film made by the Big Five (warner bros, paramount, 20th century fox, RKO, and MGM) or the Little Three (columbia pictures, united artists, and universal) to be screened at a theatre, because the studios owned a decent chunk of the theatres.

furthermore, the theatres the big studios DID own always got first run of their films, meaning that their movies were exclusively screened at the theatres they owned first, then were passed off to second run, third run and fourth run theatres. it’s important to note here that the film prints being distributed and passed around theatres were the same all throughout a film’s run—so by the time a print reached a fourth run theatre, the film stock was all scratched up and low quality. who wants to go watch that? (no one! audiences flocked to the first run theatres owned by the studios!).

the antitrust case between the supreme court and paramount pictures (aka ‘the paramount decrees’) was the first, and heaviest, nail in the coffin of the studio system. the paramount decrees did two things. first, they forced studios to stop a practice known as block booking. block booking was a practice where theatres not owned by the big studios were forced to buy a huge block or batch of films in advance. usually, these films included one A-list film and then a bunch of B-movies and other less desired films. second, they forced studios to cease owning theatre chains, which allowed for indie directors to begin screening their films, AND it allowed for more international films to be shown (which in turn helped break down the production code & replaced it with the ratings system).

this began the end of the system! it was then further impacted by consumer culture, car culture, and suburbia. after world war two, many people moved out of the city and into the suburbs, where they began to start families. car culture was booming and it was hip to have a car that you could use to commute to work (from the suburbs into the city!). disposable income was abundant, and many families were buying fancy new appliances for their new suburban homes—including televisions.

it’s a common misconception that TV killed the studio system. it was, in actually, only one of several nails in the coffin. television at the time was pretty crummy; it was low quality, the screens were small, and it only had about three channels (not to mention studios began allowing television networks to begin screening older films that no longer ran in theatres). but evidence proves that moviegoing attendance had fallen drastically several years before televisions became a fixture in the home. to combat TV and capitalize on car culture, studios began erecting drive-ins, to little avail!

anyway, i could go on and on and on but basically, in a nutshell, those were the handful of things that broke down the classical studio system and gave way to ‘new hollywood’…which then gave way to the blockbuster.