#but it was sooooo fun. why havent i been doing this more
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"I'm so hungry" you say, foolishly. (clank clank clank clank) "how hungry 👀"
I'm not great at translating 3d objects, but their helmet is supposed to be this shape
Kinda a robosona, kinda an OC. Somewhere in between. They are the person I become when I am In The Zone (kitchen). It's too hot to make curry, but I can't stop thinking about it...
I went with the concept of a humanitarian aid robot (who goes to disaster zones and makes tons of food for the affected) who runs a cooking blog in their off time. The bell pepper shield is meant to double as a cutting board/serving plate (it's the future, I'm sure they've figured out how to make surfaces that automatically clean themselves, lol)
Colors wise, they are literally curry and rice. Plus red/orange/yellow bell pepper, spinach, and carrot (the belt embellishment is meant to read as one of those decorative gems megaman loves so much, but also it's totally a slice of carrot)
I couldn't resist giving them a bowl hat (no actual curry in it tho, it's just colored that way)
#megaman oc#ignore how bad the hands are. for me#their name is roux master#so they can pun on it. youll rue the day you crossed me etc etc#its been ages since ive designed a character. the mortifying ordeal of being known#but it was sooooo fun. why havent i been doing this more#theyre also going to be a boss in my rom hack. so i can use this as ref for their portrait/color palette#not sure if i want them to be a general paladin or great knight#im not really placing them in canon as a robot master but. if megaman defeated them he would get a shield ability that burns enemies#like if they touched him while the shield was up they would take a bit of damage and then for a few seconds they take damage over time#kinda like a poison effect but. burn :)
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hehe hi ppl
life update once again
SOOOOO first day of school was a week and a half ago now and ive alrdy had three quizzes 😋 this sem i haaaaave gr12 ela, gr11 social studies, gr11 physics aaaaaand gr11 fashion!!!!!!! im also doing gr11 bio night classes :3
it feel sooooo weird not doing chem anymore like wtf??? i got so used to doing chem its so strange that im NOT doing it. i also havent gotten any diploma grades back and it suuuuuuucks, its like so stress inducing 😭
i rlly like my ela and social teacher :3 they chill, my physics teacher is still a liiiiil iffy, i DID NOT like him on the first day but he growin on me yk? and then i had my fashion teacher last year, she chill, i like her
also bio night classes are SO BLEGH. ive never been good at doing courses online and its also an accelerated course it js sucks. i got a 63% on the last quiz we did 😭
soeaking if quizzes i also had a physics quiz THAT I THOUGHT I DID GOOD ON. but i ENDED UP GETTING 78% LIKE WHAT (i got 4 qus wrong out of 18 qus) somtimes i js like crash out cuz wtf, house is getting 4 qus wrong a 78
besides schoooooool my brain has not been doin too hot, legit cried fir no reason last night 😋 but we vibe ig
ive also been grinding out acnh lately, idk why but during exam break i watched alotta acnh soeed builds and then got the itch to play, my island was NOT doung to hot but now im working on it and its so cutsie. im tryna make a run down abandoned town thats been reinhabited :3 its acc beeen sooooo fun playing. tbh i started decorated cuz the island im on is the ive had since i started so i feel like i should do it justice before u restarted yknoww
besides acnh, i also progressed more is persona 5 :3 im a total of 15 hours in when u renter the second castle again :D its acc so fun… ive js been obsessed with acnh hehe…
in terms of zzz and hsr… i havent acc played much lol i finished both updates so am js chilling, i log in occasionally to do some farming but thats rlly it. for zz i have like 150 pulls saved for the vtuber girls so im v excited for them!!!!!
(im now continuing this 2 days later lololol)
om feb. 7th i got my dads wii back from my grandparents!! am sooooo happy i got it back, literally ecstatic. i spent all day saturday modding it and getting games :3 at one point i spent 2 hours trying to fix a problem but haha guess what, i named the file wbsf instead of wbfs by accident :,) js me being stupid lol. i download some games i thought would be fun (ac city folk, ookami, resident evil 4, red steel, WII SPORTS), id like some recommendations if ppl have any :> i even got themes and made it pretty!!! i rlly hope to get a 3ds somewhat soonish? i want one so i can mod it and SPECIFICALLY play tomodachi life and pokemon sun & moon lol. also would love to play style savy on it hehe. i rlly wanna find a 3rd controller so i have enough controllers for me and the wivess and the wii motion plus extensions so that i can play wii sport resorts!!!!. continuing the nintendo console rant, im also vvv excited for the switch 2!! ever since like the leaks for it ive been superrrr excited for it and rlly can't wait. im gonna tryyyy and get it by release hehe <3
overall, i recently have gained the urge to collect games consoles :>
OMG AND ALSO
i be feeling like i am on AIR like i didnt notice before but i am so much happier JUST NOT HAVING MY MATH TEACHER.
im thinking of rearranging my collection stuff in my room but idk how to do it rn so :3 i might figure it out but i dunno :>
anyways idk what to say anymore, its cold outside, like -40 cold, so sad and im sick so its not fun :(
anyways byebye :3
(song for u bcuz u read aaaaall that :D its acc highkey a comfort song lol)
youtube
#blog#girlblogging#im just a girl#silly#thoughts#meow#random thoughts#honkai star rail#hsr#rant#zenless zone zero#zzz#persona 5#persona 5 royal#acnh#wii#nintendo wii#nintendo#3ds#modding#homebrew#Youtube
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20 asks for fic writers
i was tagged by @plecotusauritus and @kaaaaaaarf <333
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
three right now!
2. what's your total ao3 word count?
43,458
3. What fandoms do you write for?
marauders! i used to write a bit for haikyuu but not in a while
4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
honey sweet
shovel talk
summer came early
5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
i try to! i havent recently tbh and i dont force myself to but i like to
6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending
uhhhh maybe honey sweet? just because they dont live near each other lmao
7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
i feel like its also honey sweet bc theyre pretty happy at the end, but (spoiler alert) summer came early is gonna have a happier ending if i ever finish it
8. Do you get hate on fics?
nah. i think the worst ive gotten was someone being mean to sirius in the comments of summer came early but it wasnt really mean, maybe just me being a little annoyed that someone dislikes summer came early sirius bc hes my fav
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yessss ofc. i feel like what ive published so far has been like, vanilla by ao3 standards, and i wanna write more kinky shit in the future lmao
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
nahhh not my thing personally
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
nope!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
no!! i have thought about trying my hand at translating honey sweet into spanish for fun, but i dont think im quite at that level lol
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
noooo but me n bat always have some shit we are mutually hallucinating. most notably walburga mommy vlogger atm
14. What's your all-time favorite ship?
this. is really hard. like obviously i love wolfstar but also prongsfoot and wolfstarbucks (duh), and ive had drarry brainrot for a while now, and my love of sakuatsu will never fully leave me and neither will everlark so..... yeah idk
15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
oh man. i have a LOT of unpublished unfinished ideas hidden away in my google drive. like. a LOT. summer came early seems a bit daunting rn, but i do think i will finish it eventually.
16. What are your writing strengths?
mmmmmm id probably say dialogue? and humor.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
PACING. oh my god i feel like my pacing is always janky. also i think i have the tendency to like, write in things that dont necessarily need to be there, scenes that dont really do a lot of legwork plotwise.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
if i speak the language im down, but if i dont i think i would definitely need to consult with someone whos fluent.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
haikyuu!! i purged most of the fics i wrote for that fandom years ago from ao3 and theyre never returning lmao
20. Favourite fic you've written?
honey sweet for sure. i enjoyed writing it SO MUCH and i adore that version of wolfstar + jily sooooo much
i am once again a bit late to the game with this tag thing so open tag!!! (yes, you)
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i havent entirely finished the fall 2024 shows yet (3 episodes of blue lock and 1 of ron kamonohashi) but since this is the last day of 2024 this is my final released in 2024 anime ranking and yes a lot of my opinions will be biased:
1. bang brave bang bravern
it's just a perfect show. it has everything i want. everyone ever should watch bravern bc i can't even begin to explain how good it is
2. cherry magic
one of the only "wholesome" bls i genuinely enjoy bc i dont find the main characters insufferable. thats not true but for being a pure romance bl its sooooo good. kurosawa is enough of a freak that it really makes it. ive seen the show twice (subbed and dubbed) and read the whole manga has far as the english translation has gone. i cant get enough of it
3. dandadan
i somehow dont have a lot to say about this one either. its dandadan. it was solidly good every week and im such a science saru fan that it made the experience that much better. great show excited for s2
4. twilight out of focus
this was the first anime i kept up with its weekly releases for since probably 2016. it was so much fun. i really loved all the couples and thought the film setting was so fun for a bl bc my girlfriend and i love film
5. mayonaka punch
beautiful lesbian vampirism. dont have much to say about this either i just thought it was so pleasant to watch a girl lust disgusting style after another girl. i hope they fuck crazy nasty in s2 im pleading
6. a terrified teacher at ghoul school (yohaji)
really unexpected sleeper hit. its so fucking ridiculously good which i never expected. i love absurd comedy anime so this is so perfect for me and i love all the yokai kids and miki and abe and auhhhh so good! really unexpected fave
7. wind breaker
you know i initially had this higher but i kinda dragged my feet so bad watching the show but after i finally got through it i liked it so i was thinking about it from current graham's pov but past graham would say it was lower so i'll kinda average it. anyways i liked it and the characters a lot. looking forward to s2
8. ron kamonohashi second season
solid show. i loved season 1 but i kinda wish season 2 spent more time elaborating on the house of m but of course i love ron and toto so much i cant even be that mad. season 3 better be confirmed or else i'll be pissed
9. magilumiere magical girls inc
feels criminal to have this so low because i really loved it but unfortunately got beat out by everything else this year. im really excited to catch up in the manga and watch s2
10. negative positive angler
i have such a complicated relationship with negaposi. it was originally my favorite show of the season but it pissed me off way too many times in the middle of the show. the highs were Really high and the lows were Really low. i wish the pacing had been better bc the show had so much potential
11. blue lock second season
i kind of don't even need to say why this is down here. it had a lot of highs with shidou and sae and bachira's aishiteru but man i really do Not care about the u 20 match and i wont care that much about michael kaiser either but im kinda stuck with this show now. blue lock makes it so hard for you to like it
12. senpai is an otokonoko
one of the most pissing me off shows ever made. i liked it but at what fucking cost man. those stupid kids need to get their shit together before i intervene
13. haigakura
unfortunately went on hiatus in the middle of the run so i cant judge it fairly now. its such a shame bc i was really loving it
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ahhhh i love replying and seeing your comments!!!
i love love love woosan, i think theyre sweeties and im happy you are feeling like in love with them. they really are painting being with them as shiny. thats also such a good question - how are they handling yn being hurt?? theyre so down bad... i wonder why they havent been seen hmmhmhmhmhmhhmhmhmhmhmhmm lolol ;)
And yessss it was Mingi!! Mingi is so down bad, hes totally being stalking her for like weeks/months at this point and boy is like obsessed. i dont have any secret surprises regarding that - he just liked her vibes lol and heard a lot from woosan. he's also a soft boy so i think he found her and dancing and everything romantic.
jongho is sooooo polite, hes BEST BOY. and omg i love that you noticed that bc i really wanted to emphasis hes like being a lil creeepyyyy. like how does he know her nameeeee? i went back and forth wonder if he should even say his name but i feel like he would bc this is their yn!! lol
i also need yunho lol - even though yh was one of the more difficult characters to write so far. im so used to soft boy yunho irl! im also really happy you enjoyed the eerie vibes of the mansion. i referenced the mv and oldie mansions like hearst castle for inspo. and this is the "ghost mansion" after all! the butlers are scary! i wanted to incorporate how the mv had all these masked men without the mask part - i hope i portrayed that vibe!
also thats so interesting what you think about the yunho conflict!! id take anything yunho does/says with a grain of salt. he's sus for real (just like all the guys tbh - theyve promised over and over to keep her safe but we know what happens in the end).
woosansang are down bad, in deep. i think theyre position of in the kim family allows them to be though. i havent touched on this that much but woosansang are the more socialites of the family - but we will learn more about the others. especially with the introduction of sh and hj soon!
i love the present day scenes, its such a whiplash back to reality. its fun seeing how this devotion turned so deadly. jongho is baby. hes the spoiled baby boy who is a bit warped by seongjoong tbh. but he loves yn.
and hmmm, interesting noticeeeee. she tried leaving but why? we have some time til we see the answers to that but its definitely an interesting notice!
i cant wait for matz!!! i love matz and they totally do have more aura than yunho! theyre the kingpins; the queen and king of the chessboard for sure! i love what ive had wrote so far for them!!
thank you again for reading and commenting!!! these comments bring me so much joy!!!!!
like a waltz⎯ part 4: piqué.
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pairing(s): ateez ot8 x fem!reader; this chapter focuses on all the boys & reader except my beloved matz :(( (their time is coming.) series summary: when 8 mysterious bachelors arrive to town and fall for your charms, will you be able to reach your goal to be prima ballerina or be dragged into a selfish waltz between love and obsession? glimpse: As trouble arises and your patrons spend more time with you, more attention gets locked on you. Their interest is thoroughly piqued by you. warnings/tags: inspired by Ateez’s Ice on my Teeth MV & Teasers, Mafia AU, Ballet AU, early 1900’s AU with some divergences in tech advancements (i.e rule of cool), 3rd person POV, use of YN, mxm, polyteez, MATURE topics, canon typical violence (choking, fighting, punching, etc), canon typical gore, blood, death, guns, explicit language, stalking, alcohol, smoking, bribery, lack of privacy, allusions to exploitation in ballet, implied sexual themes, suggestive themes, kissing, intimacy, angst, fluff, voyeurism sort of, obsession, infatuation, sugar daddy themes, unequal power dynamics, food descriptions, missing people, polyamory, pain, medical drug usage, traumatic injury, injuries, reader discretion advised & 18+ readers only! Let me know if I should tag anything else! word count: 20.4k previous chapter <- -> next chapter series masterlist
piqué ; french pronunciation: [piːk], ‘pricked’… or to stimulate interest or curiosity.
Creeping out of the stage-door hours after a performance was a normal thing for ballerinas. The alley way was something all the girls were familiar with just as they were with the foyer de la danse. Its damp cobblestone, nearby rotting trashcans, and the barely lit path was their red-carpet entrance. They were not allowed the luxury of entering through the grand doors of the opera house with its tall columns, brightly lit lamps, and the many steps towards its shiny, gold-painted extravagance The only days they were allowed to enter through the front doors were when the opera house was closed and they were rehearsing. The petit rats were only welcomed with glamour when the rich weren’t nearby. They had the back-entrance. This was the ugly underbelly of the pretty façade.
Dressed in her pretty coat and her warmest layers, she had said goodbye to San and Wooyoung ages ago. But then, the Madame had spoken to her and a few ballerinas in her office, relaying some notes, insisting on the girls performing the rectifications immediately. So, there they stood in the rehearsal room, satin-ribboned shoes laced up over thick winter stockings and their day-dresses on. The ballerinas repeated their motions: turning in pirouettes, performing jetes, and piquing across the hall. It was only after the city’s clock tolled twelve times that the Madame allowed them to stop with a slam of her cane into the wooden floorboards. Then, after confirming each dancer had paid their weekly bill (YN smiled, wiping sweat from her brow as she was told her patrons paid once more), they were allowed to leave. The other ballerinas had all scurried home by the time she had gathered her bag and coat once more.
It was late into the early hours, past midnight and not yet morning when she finally left the opera house and crept out into the alley.
Pushing the heavy door open with her shoulder, the chill of night soaked into her bones with a whoosh. Shivering a bit, she adjusted her pretty coat closer to her body and prepared herself for the walk home. Her boots click clacked on the icy pavement as she exited the mouth of the alley. Looking this way and that, the streets were abandoned. Seemingly abandoned. Some of the candle-lit lamps even had fizzled out in the evening with no leeries about to relight them. She continued to walk along, humming softly until she heard the noise. Loud panicked whispers. A crackling fire. The crinkling of a tin-barrel. The smell of smoke. Ahead of her, dark smoke was tumbling out of a nearby alleyway, firelight lighting the brick-walls. She paused, her foot-steps slowed.
Click. Clack.
“You fucked up the deal?” It was frightened.
Click, clank.
“I didn’t mean to; I didn’t mean to. Johnny stole some cash from them, and then-“
“I don’t care! We needed this deal – the money, before he arrives – before we all lose –“
There was the squealing of car wheels and the smell of hot gasoline in the air. YN froze, her footsteps stopping. A car door slammed open, and there was a new click-clank of boots. A startled yell, a shuffle of footsteps, voices overlapping; there was a thud of a body hitting the icy ground with a yell. YN held her breath.
“Gentlemen,” the newcomer’s voice was gravely. There were heavy footfalls and a scrambling sound of someone walking backwards. Something hit a tin-can.
“B-B-Boss.”
“Where is it?”
“Oh, about that –“ the other chuckled.
“My money isn’t no laughing matter.” There was a thud like someone being shoved into a wall violently. The man groaned in pain. “You think I’m someone to be crossed? Where. Is. It?” the intimidating deep voice asked, lowly.
YN swallowed, frozen at the alley way’s entrance just out of view. When would she be able to pass? She needed to get out of here quiet and without being noticed. Or else… she was scared what would happen. This wasn’t the usual gang-dealings. Gangs would fight back, fist with fist. These men were scared.
“We can get it to you- We can- just give me some time, boss!”
“This is the second time,” the graveled voice grumbled; there was a low whistle, sharp and piercing.
And then it was quiet. There wasn’t even pleading, no whimpering.
Silence.
YN’s breath was held as she tentatively peered out from her spot. A sliver of her face was visible against the brickwork wall of the alley way. Smoke hazed the figures, but she could just make out the broad shoulders of the deep-voiced man, cornering another man to the brick wall. The man’s hand scratched at the many-ringed fingers that grasped his throat mercilessly. A gagging sound was heard. Not one of the gang-member’s allies moved to help them. Instead, they were all staring at the automobile.
A truck was reversed into the alley way. Black and large, it shined and flickered in the firelight. Its back-doors pushed open with a click, and men in dark masks tumbled out. Large, intimidating suited figures held bulky guns she had never seen before. YN had seen muskets, shotguns, and even a revolver once. These weren’t that. These were heavy, mechanical, and dangerous-looking. They piled into the alley, the metal of their weapons glinting in the firelight of the makeshift-barrel fire. The frightened figures strewn about the alley way were frozen-still; a few on the ground pleaded, praying. The masked men pointed their weapons at them warningly.
Her heart rate jumped.
This was more than just a gang fight – this seemed methodical. Frightened, her eyes darted to the other side of the alley, her path home just a few steps away. But she’d have to reveal herself… While they were distracted, she’d run. She would. She needed to get out of here quick. Like a mouse, she’d escape when the cats played with their prey.
There was the clink of a car door opening and a metallic thunk of it shutting firmly. A sigh echoed out into the air, disappointed.
“Please, boss.” The figure held to the wall managed to splutter out.
His captor pushed him up the wall with a violent thud before finally letting go. The man gasped and gaped like a fish as the dark figure took a step backwards to look towards his accomplice. The figure exiting the car didn’t have the dark masks like the others. In this light and smoke, she could only make out the shape of him. Clean cut short hair, the trail of cigarette smoke, the gleam of his teeth. He tossed the cigarette to the icy floor.
Click, clack.
Click, clack.
Click, clack, BANG.
A gunshot went off. His hand was outstretched in a flash; the pistol in his grasp smoking. A man on the ground let out a yelp of pain; his blood splattered against ice and stone. His hand grasped at his leg helplessly in agony.
“Shall we send a message to your pals?” the new man insisted, cocking his red-hot gun again and aiming it at the man his companion had just released from a chokehold.
There was pleading; names babbled over one another until they were unrecognizable. “Sir! Mercy please!”
“I think we should,” the deep-voiced man commented, nearly growling out his words. “We knew you scum thought this was some game. And here you made it all messy.”
His teeth gleamed and glinted with his snarl.
“Let’s make it messy in return.” He finished, nodding at the other.
There was a signal, and the men fired at the others at the two tall figures’ command. Gunfire, loud, fast, and hot, blazed out across the alley way. Her voice escaped her, screaming out. Hiding quickly out of danger, YN jumped back.
“What’s that?” a voice bit out. “You got some dame in this? Find her. Get her!”
They had heard her. Ice flooded her veins. She turned to run, only to run face first into a broad chest. She screeched out again, her hand raising to muffle it. By the looks of his attire, he wasn’t one of the gang members from the alley way. No, this gentleman was dressed nicely in a midnight-black tuxedo with a black cummerbund sash around his waist like he had been at the opera house. His face was firm, almost furrow browed as he righted her with a careful hand on her shoulder. He couldn’t be in this mess; he looked so polished and unaware.
“Mis—” He didn’t get to finish his statement as she interrupted him. Her hands shoved unlady-like against his sturdy chest, wrinkling what had been previously a fine-pressed white button-up.
“We’ve got to get out of here.” She hushed. “Now!”
Her eyes dripped of innocence, of protectiveness. Her fear was palpable. His intense brown orbs met hers and, without hesitation, he nodded. Surprisingly, despite his height and stature, he let her push and pull him away from the alley way and back towards the front of the now-abandoned opera house. She tugged him by the hand up the stairs, so they could stand hidden by the columns.
Her boots click clacked with each step of the stairs. More gunshots rang out; footsteps followed after them. She stumbled a bit, yelping; the mystery man’s free hand reached out to support her waist before he pulled her into the cover of the tall columns.
She could hear gunfire echo through the street, and she jumped with each bang, bang, bang. The stranger’s hand rose to duck her closer to the column rather than hide against it himself. Curling into herself, into the man’s side, the column, her eyes shut tight. This was a nightmare. The masked figures would surely come after them. They’d pull him away and then her, and what would happen next? She was shaking. There was yelling, shouting. She flinched. A loud whisper.
“Maknae?”
No reply. There was a crunching of snow, the moaning of men in pain. There was a long pause; she didn’t dare open her eyes. And then, there was the sound of footsteps walking away, heaving and thuds of something, and finally the squeal of car wheels going far away from the scene. The smell of gun-smoke and burnt rubber and gardenias (her rescuer’s cologne she realized) was all that was left.
A silence tumbled over the square like the cold water of an ocean’s tide, overwhelming and discombobulating. She stayed frozen for a long until a single finger poked at her shoulder.
“Miss?” he prompted softly; he shook her shoulder firmly then.
His tone sounded nervous, almost afraid. Of course he would be; she was afraid! It was frightening to almost be caught up in trouble. They had been so very close to being looped into a gang fight. She swore she’d never go down that alley or any alley again - ever. Shortcuts home be damned.
“It’s okay. You can open your eyes.” His voice was melodic, soft. Warm in this icy cold.
Her eyes opened tentatively, and she took in the sight of the gentleman in front of her.
He looked down at her with those intense deep-brown eyes, his dark hair mussed over his forehead. She could see his brows furrow at her in concern; his tongue peeked out to swipe over his top lip. His clothes, presumably for the ballet, were wrinkled by her man-handling.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, glancing her over with a quick look.
He didn’t let his gaze linger, but he hadn’t let his hand up from her shoulder either. She swallowed and shook her head as she shifted her shoulders, physically gathering herself as she replied.
“I’m okay, sir. Are you?” she asked politely. Her voice trembled still.
His face smoothed into something she’d almost call relief before he nodded. “I am.” He glanced out at the road. “They’re gone.”
He spoke to reassure her, the tone firm and resolute.
“Do you want to go to the police?” he asked slowly.
He seemed not too disheveled as he took a few steps away from her. His eyes remained on the nearby street, monitoring it. There was no sounds of moaning or pain. What had happened to the gang members? The gun fire was horrible; she hadn’t seen much. Except for red, red, red. No. No! She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want any reason for those men to come find her! They heard her. They had. Her hands rubbed over face; hours old makeup and sweat was sticky against her palms. It felt like blood for a moment.
It sent chills up her spine.
“Miss YN?” her rescuer prompted again, dragging her attention to him.
“No, sorry,” she babbled out. “No.” she confirmed firmly. Her arms wrapped around herself, tugging her coat closer.
“Are you sure?” the man’s brow raised.
“It’s easier to ignore these things,” she muttered out. “Safer. To not get involved.”
The man hummed low in his throat, melodically.
“Thank you,” she said after a moment, trying to shake off her fear. “For shielding me up here. And running away.”
“You warned me. You saved me I guess,” he chuckled. “Thank you.”
She smiled shakily before glancing back at the now-quiet streets. Her hands clutched her coat closer.
“Will you be alright, Miss YN?” he asked.
Her nod was preoccupied.
“I will be,” she told him, glancing up at him. He fit right in with the glamour of the opera house. She wondered why she had never seen him before. He was memorable. His face was handsome; his form strong in a different way to San’s but still imposing.
“I’ll be on my way. It’s late and I don’t want trouble. I’m glad that we are both aliv-okay.” she corrected.
“I understand,” he said. “You don’t want a chaperone?”
She didn’t even know him. She wished Wooyoung or San was here. She shook her head, and she took a step away, fiddling with her coat.
“I’ll be okay. Good night…”
“Jongho,” he answered, even if she wasn’t asking. “My name is Jongho.”
“Jongho,” she repeated. “Thank you again.”
He nodded, bowing at the waist.
“Good night, YN.”
He’d whisper, “stay safe,” but he knew he’d be following after her in just a little while. After all, her designated shadow was busy tonight, too busy taking care of business to watch over her. So, the once-street-mutt Jongho had been sent in his stead to watch over his lady. And Jongho couldn’t help but be curious about her. Even more now that he had held her in his arms and seen the sweetness of her soul in her eyes.
YN was safe in her bed that night when she realized she had never told him her name.
And yet he had said it.
-
Her motions were sloppy. Her pointe was weak. And her mind lost. She plied.
“Are you alright, honey?” San asked.
It was the next night - before showtime. San and Wooyoung somehow weaseled themselves into the boudoir before any other patrons could. Sometimes she wondered how much coin that costed them. The Madame had been strict with no patrons before shows – allowing the fragile privacy to warm up and prepare for the shows. It was so easily broken by the two men, but their eyes were only locked on her. And when she turned away to shimmy into a costume or fix a corset or a loose ribbon, they’d respect her. Glancing aside no matter how much temptation itched at their hands.
Wooyoung had offered once to lace her up, and he was met with a look of sharp disbelief – even if it was shadowed by a sweet blush. He hadn’t asked again, but he looked forward to the day he would be able to lace her up… and unlace her.
Tonight, they stood leaning against the barre as she continued to warm up. But, of course, San had caught her shakiness, her focus weaning.
His hand slide across her waist slowly, thumb caressing up and down.
“I’m okay,” she said honestly, leaning into his support as she lowered her leg off the barre. She flexed her feet and rose up on to a pointe for a moment before sighing out and turning to face the two men.
San’s hand ghosted after her waist, guiding her close as she came to settle between her patrons. She rested her bum on the barre between San and Wooyoung. Her pristine white costume made her look like an angel between two black-suited demons. Wooyoung flicked his cigarette bud into an ash tray he’d stolen taken from the front lobby of the opera house.
“I’m sensing a but,” Wooyoung teased. His fingers trailed lower that they had before, grazing over her the small of her back closer and closer ‘til… San slapped his hand, albeit lightly. She didn’t chuckle at his joke. In fact, it was almost like he didn’t joke at all. He frowned.
“Hm, swanette?” he encouraged again.
“It’s—things have been different around town recently. I just got scared last night,” she admitted, fingers trailing back and forth over the barre pole supporting them. Restlessly. “I think its just shaking me up today.”
“How so?” San asked inquiringly.
“I don’t know. I’ve seen two gun fights in the past month while walking home. That’s not normal. There’s all sorts of kidnappings or disappearances. It’s just,” she shivered, thinking of the fear that had clung to her bones since last night. “Scary.” Her arms wrapped around herself.
Wooyoung frowned, his thumb going to rub at her arm soothingly. He didn’t like her fear. He liked her smiling far more.
“You didn’t go to the police, honey?” San asked, brow pursing. Wooyoung glanced over at San.
“No,” she admitted. “It’s—not my business.” She shook her head a bit, not agreeing completely with her phrasing. “I mean, that’s how it’s always been. Ignore, walk faster, try to get away before being seen. If you mind your business, they’ll mind yours… unless you’re involved. I’m not. Never have been. But… there have never been gun fights. I’ve seen fist fights, even switchblades being pulled.” She shook her head again. “I sound silly. But I know there were gangs around town – I know the familiar faces of troublemakers, their tells – and they’re afraid. And if the monsters are afraid--”
She trailed uncertain. She sighed out again before her hands went to squeeze both of their hands that rested on the barre.
“Sorry, I’m just shaken up, that’s all. I’m spiraling a bit,” she reconciled. “Sorry.”
Wooyoung was first to cut her off. “No, no, pretty girl. Don’t apologize.” He soothed. “We don’t want you scared.”
“You weren’t hurt,” San clarified. It didn’t even sound like a question but still he said it.
She nodded in agreement. “Nope,” she showed her bare arms and twisted this way and that. As if it’d prove she was unharmed.
“Someone helped me,” she admitted.
San raised his brow at Wooyoung before the shorter began to fuss over her.
“My scared swanette,” Wooyoung pouted, huddling close. He pressed a kiss to her cheek as he wrapped her in his arms. “Shall we walk you home from now?” he murmured. “San and I will be your personal bodyguards.”
“Uh, huh,” she teased lightly. “I’m sure you will.”
They’ve only walked her home on occasion. She knew it was in the opposite direction of the Ateez House. She didn’t expect them to walk her home. She wanted them to.
“Trust me, you’ll never get hurt around me if I walked by your side,” San promised, pressing a kiss to her cheek as well.
“I’ll make the ground you walk and dance sacred.” Wooyoung whispered. “Drench it in holy water for you.”
She laughed at that.
“Stop teasing me,” she giggled. “You’re being mean.”
“We’re not teasing, honey.” San pressed another kiss to her cheek.
“I’m sure.”
“Shall I carry you home instead? Like a damsel.” Wooyoung teased, arms sweeping underneath her legs.
Wooyoung was growing bolder by the day, and it made her cheeks flush. She let out a shriek of laughter, dragging the eyes of the other ballerinas their way. San raised his brow at them. Unbeknownst to YN, San seemed to harden when looking at anyone other than Wooyoung or her. He spun her playfully. Her mind rightfully distracted from her fear finally.
“You’ll never step foot on ground again while I’m around, Miss Swanette.”
-
It was dark in the restaurant’s backroom. Smokey and lowlight with flickering candlelight. The servers, the cooks, everyone had been pushed out, locked out. The long table was bare of any meal. Water in crystal glasses sat in front of each man. At the head of the table, there was a decanter of amber liquid with two empty pristine glasses. It was quiet, so quiet that the squeaking of rats could be heard in the floor board. Nervous eyes looked this way and that; bodies shifted and fidgeted. The door opened, and all eyes were sucked to into their orbit.
Two figures stood side by side. Matching Rolexes glimmered on their wrists as they both adjust their suits. One shoved their gold-lined, midnight-black suit’s sleeves up with little finesse while the other took his time, slowly peeling off his suit jacket before rolling his white button-up sleeves up. Slinging his discarded jacket across one of his broad shoulders, he then adjusted his black tie, a long silver ring encompassed his pointer finger of his dominant hand. It almost looked like a claw. The other rolled his neck, the glimmer of multiple gold and pearl necklaces matching his sneer.
Tall and taller glanced down the long table. Young and old sat there; most didn’t look like they had much. Fake luxurious hats with feathers, rings that didn’t sparkle quite right, and sweat-stained pinstriped suits. Some did have money. Their fat fingers rubbing their gold necklaces nervously. All of them shifted in their seats as the duo approached. One on each side of the table, they prowled.
“Gentlemen,” the one who spoke out first nearly growled his words in a snarl.
Rather than walk with his chin high like his companion, he tilted his chin to glare down the table. Dark eyes made darker still by anger. There was a laziness in his swagger as he walked behind one row of chairs; a hand trailed over each leathered chair.
“We have some… requests,” the taller one stated, a smile coming to his glimmering mouth.
-
YN watched as Imara grab Dohyun’s hand. Her words were hushed in the loud boudoir, unreadable. But she could see the panic, the tears twinkling on her lash line.
‘Don’t do this please.’
She could read the pretty dancer’s lips.
The bank owner yanked his arm away, harshly. As if they hadn’t touched Imara’s body up and down like it was his for over a year. He glanced about as he spoke, mouth moving too quick for her to catch any words.
He shook his head again as he turned and left the boudoir.
Imara had to pay for her dues the next day for the first time in over a year.
-
Wooyoung stood by his promise. Each night since, he or San walked YN home, winding through the streets with their fingers interlaced. Most nights it was him. He liked the shared time for just them he said. Sometimes, he grew daring and would wrap his arms around her waist, chin on her shoulder. Like two lovers taking a stroll.
The following nights had been relatively calm; there were no gun fights, no gangsters. In fact, the streets seemed boring. Not a soul was seen around them except for, of course, her loyal following shadow. Not that she’d know. He was like a ghost, sneaking around the corners and alleys to keep them in his sight.
From the darkened corners of the streets, the figure followed after them night after night. His annoyance only growing as Wooyoung’s touches grew bolder in the solitude of night. With no one there, the idea of public decency was lost to the second-youngest. It wasn’t anything explicit. He just was touchy. Touchier than if it were daylight. Holding her closer, his touches longer, longing.
Longingly, he wanted to hold her; he wanted her to curl into his arms. Her shadow-man scowled deeply. Wooyoung truly was a brat he decided. Still, he continued to trail them from far away. But every now and then, Wooyoung would turn and give him a wink over his Swanette’s head. His hand sliding up her back, slow and teasing; his fingers tickled and trailed lower and lower on her waist. He whispered something in her ear, and she giggled.
Wooyoung’s smirk was triumphant as his eyes flickered over to the shadow in the alleyway. Wooyoung was teasing. Teasing both of them.
She’d huddle closer after, and the stalking figure would whisper out a curse. Jealousy itched at his stomach, and he was sure to return home with a scowl. He wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted, and, while he was a gentleman, his thoughts felt not-so gentle. He wanted to hold her. Kiss her. Have her love him. He’d give her anything she wanted. He was already so weak for her, and they hadn’t even met.
He buried himself in the work that was piled on his desk, thanks to Hongjoong. Still, he’d get distracted, imagining fantasies of him and her. He spun a ring on the desk, the ‘S’ emblem on it taunting him.
Would he be able to see her perform soon? Seonghwa and Yeosang had visited. Even Jongho had. Maybe he’d convince Hongjoong to let him go to the foyer de la danse like Wooyoung and San were able to. Why couldn’t he?
The young man knew the answer like a bitter liquor.
Later that evening, Wooyoung and him would meet face-to-face. A smirk on his kiss-swollen lips as he popped his head into the higher-rank’s office.
“Had a nice stroll?”
-
It was a Friday, and Julia with the red hair had been given a private dressing room. That was all anyone could whisper and gossip about.
It wasn’t large. It didn’t even have a mirror or dressing table yet. It was a small closet of a space. But it was hers - exclusively. Her name on a golden plaque had been placed on the door with the title ‘Featured Ballerina’ etched below it. There was space for more.
The entire ballet troupe knew it had been paid for by her patron and wasn’t a result of any promotion amongst the troupe. She wasn’t prima; there was no way for her to achieve higher with no new show to audition for. It was all an act. It wasn’t talent. It was money and favoritism.
Meanwhile, Imara was despondent, cold as ice to anyone that gave her a pitying look.
Patrons came and went like the seasons – even if one thought they’d last forever, winter always came.
It made talking to either woman difficult. Julia was high on her excitement. The way she walked was like she owned the world. She would run off to her closet the moment she came off stage, even if there was hardly room for two people in the space, let alone warming up or staying warm. But, as YN exited stage left, she and the red head stumbled into one another with a clank.
They both yelped, flinching at the pain that radiated up their shoulders.
“Sorry,” YN apologized before her gaze rose and realized who it was.
“Hey Julia.” Her tone was sharper, less friendly than. Almost icy.
The red-head rubbed her shoulder scowling at the other before her own face dropped into an attitude of sorts.
“YN.”
It wasn’t said fond or with blooming respect like it had been before. Where was the respect that had been trickling down with San and Wooyoung’s support? Was it because Julia was still ever-higher than her? Was it because she had a dressing room now?
Maybe it was because they spotted one another outside of the ballet with their patrons by their side.
“Why did you lie to me?” YN spouted out, brows furrowing.
The other ballerina laughed out, too loud. She was almost heard over the orchestra playing a lofty tune as the White Swan jete’ed about on stage nearby.
“What are you talking about?” the other replied, dramatically hushing her tone.
“You said your patron never invited you out of the ballet.” YN stated. “But I saw you at the tennis match.”
There was a condescending tut that escaped the other, and it made YN’s eyes fall into slits.
“Oh, honey,” it was said cruelly. “You need to catch up. If you want to be like them, not be theirs, you must play like them.”
“What does that mean?”
“I’ve gone on plenty of outings with my patron.” She stated, fixing her hair.
“So, you lied,” YN clarified again, simply. What wasn’t clicking? She lied to her.
“I’m not invited; I’m expected,” she said. “I go where I want.”
Semantics. It made her roll her eyes.
“He pays for you just as mine pay for me,” YN commented. “Why didn’t you just tell me it was normal? I was worried.”
Julia finally sighed out.
“Listen, YN. Liars are the only thing that fill those rich homes. Even your boys.” She bit out. “You better learn the game, how to play it, and how to tell if someone is lying to you if you want to be upper-class so badly, YN. Otherwise, you’ll just keep playing pretend, and nobody wants a pretender.”
Then, without another word, the red head pushed past her with a huff.
-
The game. Julia had called it a game.
YN had always looked at the boudoir as a show. A performance between patron and protégé. Usually explicit. But Julia saw it as a game. What type of game YN wondered?
Was it chess? A game of wits? A game of checkers? A game of hopping to the next best thing?
Wooyoung and San didn’t see her as a game. This she knew in her bones. Their sweet words were too sweet. Their genuine excitement and care were a balm to her. But then, she glanced aside at Imara who was like a lost sock without her patron, use ambiguous and left lonely in the corner of the busied boudoir. She had thought the same thing about her patron.
Doubt crawled in. Trickled in her veins. Even as the pair of men strode into the boudoir after the show per usual. San fixed his vest, the white button up loosened and less appropriate, but pleasing to the eye. Wooyoung finished his drink, handed to him by the bulkier man obediently as they walked.
“Hello you two,” YN greeted.
“Hi, pretty lady,” Wooyoung replied. “How was your evening? You were lovely as always.”
“It was good.” she said.
Wooyoung presented his cheek to her, expectedly. With their increase in dates and walks home, he’d become openly affectionate now. Not that she fought against it. If she didn’t press a kiss, he’d pout but when she did a pleased hum would reverberate through his chest like a cat’s purr. It made her beam; his happiness became her pleasure.
She pecked his cheek, quick. He grinned and quickly engulfed her in an embrace. His lips danced over her face. Tiny millions of butterfly kisses were pressed over her cheeks, her nose, her forehead. Giggles consumed her; his quirking lips hummed as he worked his way down to her jaw, underneath it, her neck, to her collarbone, before he was pressing fond kisses over her pearl necklace and up the column of her throat. Each one sent a tingle running through her.
“No pain?” San questioned, aware of how easily she bruised and ached.
She shook her head distractedly.
“Only a few more shows left anyways if so.” She commented. He gave her a scolding look. “Training will be less strenuous than performing. Surprisingly.” She chuckled, gasping out as Wooyoung pressed a deep kiss to the spot beneath her jaw. Not quite a hickey but close.
“Good,” the man replied. She needed a break San thought. He saw how her toes were a bright red through her tights.
“It’ll be nice to dance something new soon – but it’s bittersweet.” She just managed to get out.
San hummed out in agreement, pressing his own kiss to her forehead as he wriggled Wooyoung away from his honey to let her begin to dress into every-day clothing once more. She gave him a thankful look as she quickly went to change nearby. Her face was flushed, and her heart raced. How was her hair even more mussed from her bun? He hadn’t even touched it.
“I know,” San replied. “You must be excited?”
She smiled as she shed out of her feathers.
“Closing night is always such an experience,” she taunted.
It was. Full of celebrations, champagne, and influx of patrons spending their last pennies of the season.
“Will you be there?”
“Of course, baby,” Wooyoung cooed from San’s arms. She saw him ghost a kiss across his neck.
“We’ll be there for every closing and opening from now on.”
-
Wooyoung sat by her side, her hand in his as he gestured to the menu about this tea and that americano and this croissant. Their spread was already far more than either of them could finish. Large oozy cookies, steaming croissants with chocolate fillings, savory bite-sized tarts, and a large sandwich Wooyoung had already cut in half. One for him and one for her.
They had begun to have more dates like this; Wooyoung favored more intimate places such as cafes where they could cozy up close and share treats and talk while San liked to show her off at tennis matches and outings of public attention. She had liked it – but she couldn’t help but hear Julia’s voice in the back of her head.
Did she know her patrons?
Wooyoung smiled brightly and talked easily with her now; an air of comfortability was palpable as his fingers played with hers.
“Wooyo,” she prompted tentatively, interrupting his yapping.
“Hm?” he looked up from the menu, his face inquiring. Brows raised, and mouth squeezed shut.
“I have a question.”
“Ask away, swanette.” He squeezed her hand reassuringly before letting go and flexing his arms to resettle his sitting form to look at her more attentively.
“Why is it you introduced yourself as a Jung? And not a Kim?” she asked.
“Force of habit, really,” he admitted. “Hongjoong insists on us sharing his name.” He raised his coffee to his lips, taking a sip.
“Because he helped you when you needed him?” she recalled.
His grin grew wide, amused. “Yeah.” He paused, biting his lip for a moment before he scooted closer. “He took me in basically. Which is why I consider him family, close as thieves just like Yeosangie and Sannie.”
“He’s at Ateez House?” she queried, fingering a cookie. Tearing it up but not really eating as she thought.
How many were at that mansion? Yeosang, San, Wooyoung… Hongjoong and Seonghwa as well?
“There’s a lot of you there.”
He nodded as he picked up one of the crumbs she was making and pressed it to her lips. His fingertips were warm from the hot ceramic of his coffee cup. He smiled fondly as she nibbled at it. Before raising the rest of the crumb to his mouth, licking at the chocolate melting on his fingertips.
She licked her lips as she watched, chocolate fragrant on her tongue.
“There are eight of us,” he told her. “Eight men in one house, you can imagine the chaos.”
He spoke as if they shared an apartment and not a grand ‘haunted’ mansion.
“What does he do?” she mumbled, half focusing on her attempt to solve the mysteries that had plagued Ateez House’s occupants.
“Eh, a lot of things,” he sucked at the crumbs on his thumb before reaching out a wiping a smudge at the corner of her lips. “This and that. Loves art and shows and spectacle. Is a bit of a collector, more than Sannie is – you know, San loves pretty things.”
She already knew where this was going.
“Like me, Wooyoung?” she teased, beating him to his flirt.
“Just like you, Swanette.” He nudged her tea her way, urging her to drink before it went cold. “C’mon, try this too.”
And like that, her mind was sucked into his fancies as he fed her a warm tartlet that tasted richer than any food she had ever had.
-
It was the first night Wooyoung and San would be unable to walk her home. Wooyoung was good at keeping his promise; he walked her home for many many nights. His babbling softened with his sleepiness which was cute. It was worth it to press a kiss to her lips before she went inside, and even more worth it when he caught the shadow of a figure watching them. He’d blow him a kiss – behind her back that is.
She was anxious to walk alone. Her stomach churned at the though. Wooyoung had apologized as they rushed off to something that needed their attention – him and San. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, promising she’d be okay. He’d see her tomorrow. Walk in the light and you’ll be fine, little bird. As if she walked anywhere else anymore – all her shortcuts scared her now.
It was too late to call for a carriage or a buggy to take her home, so it was the only way. Unless she wanted to sleep on the uncomfortable settee in the boudoir (and most likely be kicked out by the janitor early in the morning. She could hear the Madame already. “This isn’t an orphanage, Miss YN.” Despite the selection of orphans that made up their ranks.)
So, YN hugged her jacket around herself and began her trek home.
And it was so peaceful. Not a whisper, not a fight, nothing. The streets were abandoned – even the men who were stumbling home drunk were absent. It was absolutely empty. Except for her.
And her stalker, of course.
-
San was early at the opera house the next day– so early the doors to the boudoir weren’t unlocked yet. Instead, he lingered out front, pacing this way and that.
“Sannie,” she exclaimed at the sight of him.
How did he know she was going to practice early today? The question was quickly forgotten as she hugged him. His arms wrapped around her in a warm bear hug before he pulled back to press a kiss to her nose.
Sweet, that’s what San was.
“What’re you doing here?” she asked, smiling affectionately up at him.
They hadn’t shifted in their embrace; San kept her close to him as he looked down at her. There was clear fondness there. His fingers rubbed up and down her back, over her warm winter coat.
“I wanted to see you,” he admitted. “You look so cute in your coat.”
His words brought a flush to her cheeks. This was what she imagined when she thought of Julia’s words. No way could this be false. He was cooing over her, his touch reverent. It was different.
“I love it,” she replied. “It keeps me warm. Just like you.”
He laughed, warmly. He brought her close to his chest again, hugging her. It was funny. For as much as he claimed Wooyoung was touchy, San loved skinship. He liked to keep her close.
“I got you something,” he whispered after a moment, shifting one arm to reach into his pocket.
“What’s this?”
In his small hand (well, small compared to his broad form) sat a beautiful bracelet, teardrop-cut diamonds were linked together into a delicate yet unbelievably expensive gift.
“For you.”
San smiled like a content cat as he watched her fiddle with the pretty diamond bracelet. His dimples were deep in his cheeks. Her fingers brushed over the jewels admiringly. He loved pretty things and seeing her openly awe made him buzz with excitement. Carefully, he linked the clasp over her wrist and turned her hand over in his, watching the gems glimmer and shimmer in the gas light. He grinned.
“What’s this for?” she asked, brows crinkling curiously.
It wasn’t like Wooyoung’s gift – a month anniversary gift – or even San’s gift of the coat, something she had needed in all honesty. This was sudden. Strange.
His fingers brushed over the jewels before he spoke again.
“I was jealous that Wooyo had this pretty necklace around your throat.”
He leaned forward, fingering the pearls around her throat before tugging experimentally at them like it was a leash. They tightened with the pressure, choking her lightly and forcing her to lean closer to her patron. YN’s breath stolen, not in pain but in a flicker of excitement, surprise, pleasure. Her head tilted back to smile up at him. His fingers tightened around the pearls ever so.
“Oh, honey,” San cooed soft and sweet as he continued to tug her up by the collar of her necklace to capture her lips in a kiss. One kiss that devolved into many as he pushed her up against the door to the boudoir, lifting her lightly into his arms. Pressed against the door, her bejeweled hand tangled in his hair, tugging him ever closer.
They were lucky no one passed by as they devoured one another.
San may have been a gentleman, but his greed and power revealed itself slowly but surely.
-
Another man was missing. He had been a regular in the boudoir. A young man who spent his spare pennies to leer at them. He wasn’t missed by any of the ballerinas, but it was frightening. Too many people were disappearing or getting into trouble.
Her mother and the other ladies at the factory walked together now. To and from work, in case trouble arose. She had even pushed for YN to walk with someone to the Opera House for once.
“Your boy is a good one,” she appraised. “That Wooyoung walks you here every night now. Like a gentleman. Stick around him.”
-
San had invited her out to another tennis match. Wooyoung had been caught up in business (business she still didn’t know of, she lamented as they walked along the cobblestone streets. San had whispered in her ear that it was boring. Wooyoung was unlucky to not be here with her. And he, in turn, was ever lucky.)
She wore his pretty diamond bracelet on her wrist, and, every time he stole a glance, his face curled up into a pleasant happy grin. He looked sweet like a kitten.
His arm wrapped around her waist as they sat and watch Yeosang’s match. Drinking champagne, he’d offer her his flute every so often, and she’d sip away. It was an expensive brand, far more easy to drink than the piss-poor alcohol the ballerinas could afford for their own celebrations away from the leering men of the opera. Drinking the expensive liquor the men offered was never a good idea – it led to worser things.
Yeosang looked as pretty as ever. He reminded her of a ballerino the way he danced about the court. Somehow both pretty and masculine as his form bent and stretched. Muscles rippled, leaner than San’s but not any less bulging. His arms flexed and she held onto the shared flue of champagne tighter.
San’s fingers stroked over her hip.
“You’re staring, honey,” he teased.
It wasn’t the tone of a jealous lover or a scolding of a respectable man. It was lilting, gentle. Her eyes looked away from Yeosang and rested on her date. He sipped his champagne, lips pursing and brows dancing. San’s lids were heavy as he grinned. Just as cat-like as earlier but more cheshire. Like he knew a secret.
He glanced away from her and looked over the athlete. His gaze mirrored hers, she realized. A fondness… no, an attracted air radiated in his deep brown orbs.
Was he teasing her? Was he genuine?
“Now, you’re staring,” she teased in return.
“I didn’t tell you to stop,” he replied coyly. He glanced back at her as he leaned in. “He’s handsome, hm?”
Her cheeks flushed at that and she looked away.
“San!” she exclaimed.
His laughter rumbled in his chest as he held her closer. His lips pressed to her ear intimately.
“It’s alright, honey. He’s mine. Just as Wooyoung’s mine.” He replied easily. “Just as you are mine.” His lips kissed her skin before he pulled away. Her hand shifted to grasp his in hers. His thumb grazed over her bracelet lovingly.
-
Yeosang greeted them after his victory; the zing of celebratory champagne on his breath stinging her nose as he leaned forward to wrap her into an eager hug. Daring for a second-meeting. It made her worry she had been too obvious with her friendliness, her intrigue… her interest in the athlete. She did like him after all.
“Hello, sweetheart,” he beamed.
The smell of his cologne mingled with his sweat. Masculinity mixed with the soft thyme and tea of his perfume. It made her want to hug him closer. He pulled back, his eyes burning with the same intensity beforehand. A straightforwardness. He wasn’t afraid to meet her gaze. His honeyed eyes were sweet and inquiring. Taking in every feature of her – the dark coat, the pearls, the diamonds. He smiled.
“Hello Yeosang. Congratulations,” she returned.
The man nodded respectfully before he glanced over her shoulder at the tall muscled man, eyeing Yeosang with clear adoration.
“San,” he greeted.
“Yeosangie,” San replied with a fond grin. His cheeks were blushed, maybe from the champagne they shared?
The athlete rolled his eyes lightly, playfully, before he settled his gaze on the lady.
“Did you make any bets?” he asked curiously, leaning into her with intrigue.
Her eyes widened. “Oh, no,” she exclaimed. She hadnt even thought of that; she was a guest after all.
“You know what? Yeosang’s right,” San retorted. His hand squeezed her waist. “Next time, you should bet some coin. We do all the time.”
Her brows crinkled, doubtfully. Not because she doubted Yeosang’s abilities. He was a powerful athlete. But betting… she swallowed a bit. She didn’t have much money to risk in general. She had just gotten used to having extra coins in her coinpurse. Her embarrassment burned at her ears.
“I’m not sure,” she said softly.
Yeosang eyed her before he hummed lightly. His gaze settled back on San, firmly.
“I’ll do it for you,” San said instead, downing the rest of his drink. His eyes reopened from the gulp and he shrugged. “I’ll buy you anything, honey. Everything.”
Yeosang laughed, lips curling. Pleased. He leaned in to whisper close.
“You’ve got our San, sweetheart. Wrapped around your pretty finger.”
The athlete’s fingers were close by still, and they tickled her fingertips playfully. If he was any bolder, he’d be holding her hand. But instead, like a tease, he pulled back. Licking his lower lip and flashing a charming smile that only a socialite had. Easy and well-practiced.
“I’ll buy you anything, too, baby,” San purred towards Yeosang. He looked at the buff man with a raised brow. He always looked so sharp, in a delicate way despite his rippling muscles.
“I know,” he teased.
Yeosang raised a hand to squeeze the younger’s cheeks fondly. San smiled, pleased, a mirror of the grin he gave her earlier. His cheeks looked plump in the other’s lean long fingers. Yeosang chuckled, squeezing them again before his hand dropped and he turned.
“Come with me,” he nodded over his shoulder. “We can talk in the shade – the weather is horrid.”
He was right; the clouds were whirling and swirling into what was sure to be a downpour soon. They walked further into the tennis court’s shaded areas – the betting shop in the corner with a long line. People, mostly men, were cashing in their rewards. San’s hands went to rest on the small of her back; if she had glanced aside, she’d see he did the same to Yeosang, guiding the pair of them this way and that.
A rush of reporters, dressed for the weather with raincoats and large brimmed hats, flooded towards the winner. Yeosang slung his black tennis racket over his shoulder, smiling and waving at the flashing paparazzi’s cameras. Her eyes shut at the bright lights. San’s hand squeezed her waist and tugged her closer.
“Sir, congratulations!” There were cries of celebration and excitement. “Good show! Good show!”
YN wasn’t used to such fanfare, and it made her fantasize of the flashing lights she was hopeful for. One day… she glanced over at Yeosang. She’d be like him. Successful. In his own right. He grinned politely at a reporter, waving with a tight structured wave.
“Mr. Kim! Is it true you know Kim Yunho?” she heard over the chatter.
Yunho… she had heard that name before. But where? She didn’t have time to think as San guided them throughout the crowd, his hand curling over her hip to keep her closer with the writhing crowd jostling them this way and that.
The athlete didn’t reply, and he let his friend guide him through the swarm until they entered a tented area. Once the tent’s curtains were tied together, Yeosang huffed.
“I despise paparazzi,” he admitted, scuffing his feet against the concrete as he walked.
The space wasn’t special, but it was private. Scattered about were a few folding chairs, a wrought-wire bench, and a grey-green locker. Yeosang went to it, and opened it with ease. Within it wasn’t much. A folded assortment of clothes, a letter plastered to the locker’s interior, an extra racket, and a water jug. He placed his dark racket within and picked up the water jug. Raising the glass jug to his mouth, he took a big gulp. San patted her hip encouragingly as he moved away going to sit on the nearby bench. YN tentatively took a seat in a folding chair.
“Your performances of Swan Lake are coming to an end, are they not?” Yeosang queried.
“Oh, yes. They are; will you be able to attend closing night… or any show anytime soon? I’d love to see you there.” she admitted.
Yeosang’s lips quirked against the water jug’s rim before he pulled it away. Swallowing, he nodded. “I would love to see you once more, Miss YN. In your element.”
“You must encourage him to come backstage,” she turned to San. Less asking and more pressing.
He nodded in agreement. Easily swayed by his lovers, he leaned back in his seat casually.
“Is it like this?” Yeosang asked; a hand went to push back his locks, sweatied and damp.
The sight of his sharp brows quirking in curiosity sent a flare of excitement through her. He was so handsome; she couldn’t help but awe. San chuckled at her ogling.
“It isn’t, Yeo.” San admitted. “The backstage is grand and too open with too many girls running about half-dressed and men staring at them.”
Yeosang’s eyes flickered to him. “Even our girl?”
San glanced at her, head tilting. “Not as of late.”
He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and placed it in between his lips. The look he gave Yeosang confused her – sharp, dark, and biting as he bit down on the cigarette before fiddling with a silver lighter. Yeosang hummed lowly.
“San and Wooyoung are polite,” she said, as if that would help the conversation. As if that was the topic at hand. “They’re the best gentleman in the boudoir. Honest.”
San grinned around his cigarette as he finally lit it. He knew she spoke the truth. She always did around him now. It made him happy to know she was so comfortable around them that she didn’t even notice the glares he sent the way of any man that dared eye her as she switched costumes.
Little did she know what would happen to one if they did.
He puffed out smoke.
“I’d rather see you outside this boudoir then,” Yeosang commented, closing the locker’s door. “I don’t wish to see you improperly, sweetheart. I wouldn’t put you in that situation.”
“We don’t mean to either,” San coughed out, the smoke scattering about bashfully. He turned to look at her with the gentlest of eyes. “You’re painting me to be a villain, Yeo.”
“No, I know,” she interrupted. “I know San and Woo mean well.”
They had said so since the beginning. Wooyoung claimed he didn’t even know he was playing as potential patron until San said so. And now, well, she felt safe around them. When she was with them, when she was introduced to Yeosang, it made her feel permanent. Not a doll on a music box to show off around the right clientele.
Imara never had this.
“Still,” Yeosang tutted. “I’d hate that. If I had those reporters watching every little move I made back here.” He bared his teeth. “I’m sorry you have to suffer that, sweetheart.”
-
“Do you want diamonds?” San asked.
This was the fifth time he had asked if she wanted some grand gift as they walked home. The umbrella San had kept them mostly dry in the drizzle. YN knew he felt bad about the boudoir. Especially at Yeosang’s commentary.
“No,” she let out a chuckle.
“More pearls?” Not his favorite thing, but they looked pretty around her neck and they were useful.
“No,” she giggled, swinging their conjoined hands.
“Then what, honey?” he whined a bit, sounding childlike as he squeezed onto her hand.
She was surprised this bulky beefy man was acting so openly whiney in public. He didn’t need the illusion of masculinity to cling to; there was an element of strength in him deeper than attitude. Even if he was acting like a child.
“I’m okay,” she said.
He licked the back of his lips. Doubtful. He frowned before stopping in the streets. The lamplighters were out and about, lighting the last remaining candle lights amongst the new gas-line lamps. He didn’t falter. He didn’t care if they were intimately close. His hand around her wrist as he pulled her close in the wet setting sun.
“What do you truly want, honey?”
What did she truly want? She smiled up at him. All her life she had only wanted and yearned for one thing – til Wooyoung and him and Yeosang all tumbled into her life that is.
“I want to be a ballerina. The ballerina prima,” she told him sincerely. Her hand rose to pat his cheek softly. “You are helping me get it.”
His lips pouted as he looked down at her. He didn’t like that answer. That was a harder request. But he wouldn’t tell her that. Instead, he leaned forward to press a sweet kiss to her lips, so quick one would’ve missed it if it hadn’t tasted of champagne and cigarette smoke. His sweetened coffee cologne wafted over her soothingly like a chaser.
-
“Extra edition!” a newsboy cried out.
YN had been walking towards the newest restaurant that San and Wooyoung insisted on trying. It was expensive. Far too expensive for her, but San insisted per usual and Wooyoung pouted that without her he’d be bored. So, here she was walking the streets towards the richer side of town. The richer side of town where all the newsies made their routes; the rich had money to spare.
“Star tennis player Kim Yeosang associated with Kim Yunho, the man released on 1 million coin for murder in broad-daylight! Shocking details revealed.”
Now, that caught her attention. Her feet slowed until she came to a stop. For once, it felt like the newsies had given just enough information to lure her in. Her coin purse pressed against her thigh was heavy. Heavy enough to spare a few coins to buy the paper.
“I’ll take one, Jack,” she told him, digging into her pocket to hand him the necessary amount.
The younger grinned up at her. “Thank you, Miss YN.” He shuffled the heavy stack around, untying the twine to present the fresh-printed and warm newspaper her way.
She nodded in thanks as she unraveled it and began to read.
-
San and Wooyoung sat in the corner of a restaurant, talking lowly in the shadows as they waited. Only to be interrupted by a newspaper being plopped down on the table. Their eyes shifted from one another to the newspaper. Doubtful, almost darkened looks were engrained in their faces before they glanced upward to see their swanette. Haloed by the light pouring into the café, her arms were crossed; brow raised. Their expressions softened immediately like butter.
“Hello, honey,” San rumbled. He tugged the chair out for her.
“What’s wrong?” Wooyoung added.
They hadnt looked at the paper yet.
“What the fuck is this?” she murmured, taking the seat easily as she shoved the headline their way.
Wooyoung licked his lips at her expletive. She didn’t curse much in the boudoir. Hearing it made his cell burn, biting at his lower lip after a moment. He glanced down at the paper; that hot feeling fizzled at the headline. He sighed, head rolling back, before he glanced San’s way. San’s expression hadn’t shifted; not even a twitch of his brow as he looked over his glasses at his partner.
“It’s a long story,” Wooyoung replied.
“I’ve got time,” she retorted, crossing her arms. “Start with the part where Kim Yunho is living in your mansion. Kim Yunho, the man who shot a near-billionaire, dead, in broad-daylight after a supposed bet gone wrong.”
Her voice raised as she retold what the inky print said. She didn’t look intimidating in their eyes. Especially with her pout. San wanted to kiss it off her. Instead, he offered, “Yunho’s got a complicated past, but he only acted in self-defense.”
“He shot a man in broad daylight. Is Yeosang safe? Are you?” she worried. “Hongjoong?”
Wooyoung scooted close at that, hating the way her voice accelerated. San chuckled lowly, shaking his head.
“Oh, little bird,” Wooyoung hummed, taking her hand. “We are safe. We are safe. You don’t need to worry – is that why you are so upset?”
She frowned at them, her furrowed brow deepening. Wooyoung cooed.
“You are, oh, baby,” he hugged her, nearly joining her on her chair. “You are sweet, YN.”
“I’m worried; you are with a criminal,” she mumbled out, making sure her words were too loud. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Wooyoung stole a kiss. “You really are a doll, an angel. We are okay I promise.”
“You can’t just kiss me and tell me it’s okay. How? How is it okay?”
“Yunho is a free-man,” San reminded. “He didn’t break out of jail; he served his time; he paid his fees; he was let go. But apparently caught the attention of the press while doing so.”
“Poor Yeosang,” YN lamented suddenly. “He hated the paparazzi and now-“ she buried her head into Wooyoung’s shoulder.
The younger cooed. His hand going to pet at her back as he glanced over at San while her back was turned. There was a rustling of the newspaper, the crinkling paper being folded over.
“Yeosang will live. He’s been reported on his entire life. Yunho will not hurt us, promise, honey.” San replied. “You’re working yourself up. I’ll get you tea.”
There was a snapping sound of his fingers. A waiter obediently came. The man whispered his order as Wooyoung murmured to YN.
“It’s alright. It really is. You’ll see.”
San and Wooyoung’s eyes met once more.
They should’ve let Yunho meet her before this all happened; their shared grimaces said so.
-
Not even a day later, there were rumors about town. That night whispers about her patrons were all about the boudoir. The Ateez House truly was haunted some said. It had a killer living there. It made her scoff. There were seven others in that house – how could you build a house to be broken and haunted by one person?
The next day, a man from the newspaper company, the Cromer Chronicle, was missing. He had disappeared in the night without a trace. Or well, there was a trace. A letter saying he was going on vacation for a while. But few believed it.
Gossip roared. What was even more interesting, was that the newspaper headlines the next day were completely free of any mentions of Kim Yeosang or Kim Yunho.
But on her vanity, a letter rested with her name in an elaborate script signed by a certain man. The seal was the same ‘A’ emblem that both San and Wooyoung wore on a gold ring.
Miss YN.
You are cordially invited to join Kim Yeosang at the Ateez House estate for a night of fine dining. Casual attire permitted. I am so excited to see you again – if you will join me!
Yours,
Kim Yeosang
“Did you place this on the vanity?” she asked the two men who sat side by side on a sofa. Sometimes they looked too close for comfort; tonight was one of those nights. Wooyoung was nearly draped across San’s chest, his head cradled on his muscular shoulder as he stared up at her.
“No, swanette,” Wooyoung claimed. “Our hands are clean in this.”
He raised his hands in surrender, wiggling his fingers playfully at her.
“Yeosangie must’ve liked you,” San added with a smirk.
“You’d know,” Wooyoung muttered; San grasped the other’s hip warningly.
Wooyoung giggled out almost like a hyena, head tilting back in mischief.
“You should’ve seen how he looked at her, Wooyo,” San continued, his gaze flickering towards YN from over his spectacles.
“I know,” the other giggled.
“Will you be there?” she asked tentatively.
Her fingers fiddled with the corner of the thick cardstock Yeosang’s handwriting graced. She was used to their presence. They felt safe to her. They glanced at one another. San’s fingers trailed up and down Wooyoung’s waist. Wooyoung went to interlace their fingers smoothly. Squeezing it once and then twice.
“I’m not sure, honey,” San said. “We have business to attend to this weekend.”
“Sorry, pretty,” Wooyoung pouted at her. “We may see you in passing? If you miss us so much, we can meet you here early the next day. I want to hear all about you and Yeosangie.”
She smiled sweetly at them, flushing at the idea that the pair of them encouraged her to dine and possible flirt with another. It was strange but not… unfavorable. Yeosang was handsome. He was delicate but strong. Eloquent and interesting. Understanding. She liked his company. Despite the company he kept… her mind flickered back to the elephant in the room… or yesterday’s newspaper in the nearby waste basket.
“Is… Yunho –“ she asked, shifting this way and that. San couldn’t help but think she looked so sweet, so innocent, so naïve in her little feather tutu, all virginal white. “Is it safe for me - with Yunho there?”
They didn’t even need to look at one another. Wooyoung’s hand held San’s tighter as he shifted his gaze to simmer on her.
“Yunho would never hurt a lady, honey,” San replied, sincerely and instantaneously.
His hand outstretched for her to take. Which she did. It was San after all. Secure, sweet, strong San. He’s been so straightforward. She trusted him. His fingers caressed over her knuckles, “Especially you.”
“Okay,” she breathed. “I believe you.”
“Yeosang will be excited.” San promised, raising her hand for him to press a kiss to her knuckles. “We can deliver the news to him when we get home.”
He pressed a peck to each knuckle before continuing up her hand to press kisses over his bracelet. He placed a final sweet kiss to her pulse before pulling away, and pulling her towards their embrace. San could hold both of them in his lap after all. Wooyoung slid further down on the settee until his head rested on one of San’s thighs. His lips curled.
“I will send a car for you, swanette. You won’t have to lift a foot,” Wooyoung promised, reaching a hand up to tuck hair aside as she sat on San’s rippling thigh. “Easy-peasy.”
-
It was her first time in an automobile. She had traveled in carriages and open buggies but never something so expensive as a brand-new automobile. Something so polished and metallic and rich. Her excitement was almost like a child’s; her smile was bright at the sight of the car sitting curbside. Its lacquer was a deep-olive color, gleaming in the golden sunlight peeking out of the rain-heavy clouds. The chill that nipped at her heels and the rain that itched at the sky made her thankful that Wooyoung had sent a car for her – even if every single one of her neighbors were being nosey. She could see their faces pressed to their windows with curtains shoved aside haphazardly. No cars came here. And certainly, no car like this.
The driver was tall and handsome, his dark brown hair styled sharply across his forehead. A multi-layered suit with shimmering gold detailing looked expensive on his form, a long-coat making his appearance look clean cut and sleek. Just like the car.
His entrancing eyes were dark, siren-like as they locked onto her form as she hopped gracefully down the icy steps. He felt his breath catch. A mix of excitement and fear tumbled through his stomach. She looked so pretty. Her hair was done nicely and modern. Her day-dress was a pretty (if a bit washed out) green color, complimenting the car’s hue perfectly. The sparkle of her pearls around her throat and her diamond bracelet peeking from beneath the sleeve of the dark fur coat made him smile. His full lips quirked into a smirk of a close-lipped smile.
His eyes haven’t left her form yet. Not even when her mother stepped out to awe at the car and the man waiting for her on the curb.
“Hello, doll.” He greeted her, polite with a deep-voice.
His hand, covered in multiple rings, opened the passenger door for her.
“Hi,” she smiled at him, and he wanted to swoon then and there. But he stayed firm, icy, tall. It wasn’t his turn. He wasn’t even supposed to be here. But he knew the way to her house; he had a car. And he was higher than Wooyoung or San in the hierarchy. He’d do what he wanted to do… as long as the Captain allowed that is.
His eyes didn’t leave her as she entered the automobile, tucking her dresses beneath her lady-like. He closed the door behind her and circled around the car to enter the driver’s seat. He took a shaky breath before entering; he felt like a school boy. When was that a feeling he’s felt recently? (The Ateez House would say every time he whined and pouted at them like a princess.)
The interior of the car smelt expensive, too. The well-taken care of leather, the wiped down metal accessories, everything reeked of rich maintenance. Her eyes ate up the new machine, looking at the gearshift, the polished controls. There was even a record player in the dash.
She never realized how rich they were. It surprised her. He ate up how her eyes widened, and she sat so delicate, hands in her lap as if touching something would bite her. She was so cute. His lips curled into a smirk as he turned the key in the ignition. The car rumbled to life, and she let out a little sound of surprise.
He chuckled low, the sound reverberating around her. She glanced over at her driver. He looked casual in the driver’s seat. One hand was on the wheel; the gleam of an expensive watch shone at her. He was leaning back, his hand cupping the back of her car seat carefully as he began to pull the car away into the street.
He didn’t want to intimidate her. Wooyoung had said she was already so nervous about Yunho. So, he didn’t speak, didn’t tease, didn’t do much except drive. He enjoyed her gaze on him though. He watched her so many times that it made the back of his neck and the tips of his ears burn pleasantly. He tongued at his canines, hiding his smirk. His plush lips pursed instead.
Her awe shifted as he sped up, her eyes flickering to the streets that passed by, faster, faster, faster. Faster than any carriage or bike or trolley. It sent a whirl of excitement in her stomach.
“This is my first time in an automobile,” she admitted into the silence.
“It is?” his voice was deep as honey, and it made her spine tingle.
He glanced over at her. He wanted to show her so many new things. He was glad to have one of her firsts. Wooyoung had stolen so many. Her first date, her first kiss, her first embrace. He’d at least be her first car ride – one of many. He’d take her in any of his cars – if they were in the countryside rather than the city, he’d show her how fast these automobiles can go. He’d impress her. They’d go one day, he imagined. They’d go all sorts of places together. He’d show her the world if she wished it.
She hummed out in agreement, pulling him from his daydream.
“It’s nice,” she complimented, shifting her seat.
A flood of rose-petal aroma consumed him. Her perfumed skin. She put so much care into this; into them. It was intoxicating. His eyes locked on the road, his fingers trembling lightly. He flexed his hand and gripped the leather of the wheel tighter.
“Thank you, darling.”
The car ride was a quick one. Ateez House was on the outskirts of the city but not too far away to be a long journey. Just far enough to be private amongst the trees and rolling hills. It looked more alive than it had ever been in all the years she lived in Cromer. While the estate was sprawling and the mansion itself large and imposing with a complicated layout, it always looked abandoned. But now, there were crystal windows gleaming with light, gardeners trimming bushes, and luxury cars pulling into a nearby car garage. People tended to the large fountain in the center of the roundabout driveway, despite the threatening rain that rumbled in the sky. The mansion’s greyness seemed to fade with the orange-light the windows poured into the evening.
It was a phantom resurrected; the flame of life was burning within the house once more.
Mingi cleared his throat. “Welcome to Ateez House, YN.”
Her eyes were locked on his home; winding over the overlapping rooftops, grazing the glowing windows to see if anyone was looking out at them. Two figures, dark silhouettes at most, stood on the upper floor, one short and the other tall.
Her head tilted in curiosity before they walked off.
“Thank you,” she smiled at him before going to open her door. “And thank you for the drive.”
There was a squeak of leather as he shifted closer suddenly. His arm outstretched over her, bracing over her chest. Her gasp was all the sound that filled the air between them. Her head turned and they were nearly nose-to-nose.
He was so close. The blood-orange of his cologne licked at her senses, mingling with the polished leather so refreshingly. He smelled intoxicating and sharp. His face was only inches away; the fabric of his long-coat brushed against her. His hand closed around the metal handle of the car door, gently nudging hers aside. He laughed out nervously. His eyes were wide and gentle. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he flashed the sweetest grin she had ever seen, all toothy and bright. It sparkled… wait, he had diamonds on his teeth. His canines were adorned with gems that gleamed in the setting sun.
“Let me,” he bumbled out. He opened the door from within, before pulling his arm back. His cheeks were painted a rosy color that only made his flustered appearance look more sweet.
“Thank you,” she said, offering him a grin of her own.
She hoped he wasn’t too surprised by her own initial surprise. He was just trying to be a gentleman she realized. Bowing her head, she quickly ducked out of the car, closing the door behind her with care.
The only thought that filled his brain – besides the intoxicating smell of YN – was ‘damn you for winning, Yunho.’ After a long moment of breathing the remains of her deep into his lungs and watching her form walk towards his house, Mingi restarted the automobile with a rumble to guide it back to their private car garage.
-
Everything reeked of extravagance. Tall walls with recess ceilings and wainscotting details. Gilded gold and glowing gas-lamps. Italian-Renaissance inspired tiles of saints, angels, and the Heavens were inlayed in the ceiling. The floor was patterned, a rich expensive textile making up the carpet.
There were butlers lining the walls of the foyer; all in matching midnight pin-striped suits. It was almost eerie. They were like statues, repeating over and over and over. Expressionless. Each face was stoney, eyes ahead. It reminded her of when the ballet troupe lined up in their matching leotards and were separated by height; row after row. Slicked back hair, delicate body lines, starving ribs. Identical and indistinguishable until they reached prima title.
None of them acknowledged her except for one, a rogue, that walked up and nodded at her politely.
“Welcome to the mansion, Miss YN. Please, come.” He outstretched his hand to encourage her further into the lavish space.
She curtsied, uncertainly. One of the many ghostly butlers took her coat as she walked down the foyer’s hall. Her kitten heels were soft against the carpet flooring until they rounded a corner. They click-clacked across marble flooring, polished ‘til she could see her reflection.
“Mr. Yeosang has requested a meal to be prepared at the West Wing. Please follow me.” The same butler spoke once more before he turned to lead the way.
Following after him, she was awed by the space. The very place that had been teased and taunted and ghost storied about was a gleaming jewel. As they walked, she realized how each hallway, each living space was opulent. The current path had walls that were painted an ice-cold baby-blue. Yet there were touches of warmth everywhere. Fine art in gold-leafed frames, elaborate trims around columns and the floor were the same shining gold. The art was all heavenly. Literally. Gods, angels, and disciples portrayed in blurred brush strokes, painted with colors that ached of softness. Everything was all gold, fluff, and magnificence.
The ceiling had multiple heavy hanging chandeliers of pure jewels. Diamonds dripped from its wire frame and sparkled in the gas-light. Everywhere was gaslit; she was surprised. No one had notice workers here and yet it was modern. Not a speck of dust or age present anywhere – besides the ancient art she supposed.
She slowed as she passed a large Renaissance-esque painting full of cherubs with feathered wings and glowing haloes. Squinting, she saw one figure wearing a ski mask. Huh? A cat meowed nearby. Her attention was caught, her head turning to the sound. She stilled as she glanced down a nearby hall, one that seemed darker than the others. Doors lined each wall; all shut except for one at the end of that hall. It was opened just a crack, the siren call of a piano trickled out, and a little cat peered around its corner. The sweet cat was a midnight-black, almost blue-ish in tone; her tail twisted behind her as she meowed out again.
YN’s eyes lit up at the sight; the cat meowed again as it wiggled itself out of the doorway. Its paws and claws clinked against the tile, almost in rhythm with the piano music playing. Large green eyes peered up at her curiously as the cat approached; the collar around its throat was expensive – a leather thing with jewels, pearls, and a large silver bell that jingled out the closer it got.
She meowed at her again.
The piano stopped; the reverb humming out discordantly.
“Z?” a voice called out before a gentle melodic whistle chimed out.
The kitty’s attention was caught again, its ears perking up and meowing as if answering the call of its owner. It began to stroll back where it came from.
“Miss YN,” the butler’s monotonic called out.
Her head snapped towards him, answering his call immediately. She stood from the slight crouch she had taken for the kitten’s approach. Her butler stood some feet away, arms behind his back. She expected a disapproving look, but he provided none.
“Please follow me, Miss. We wouldn’t want you disappearing.”
That was almost worse! It sounded so ominous coming from his stone-faced mouth. She swallowed.
“Sorry,” she apologized before she quickened her pace to catch up to him.
“We wouldn’t want to keep him waiting.”
They continued to walk down this hallway and that hallway. Someone could easily get lost here. It was like a grand castle. Finally, after crossing some carpeted stairs, they were in front of a grand hallway of windows. As they passed, she could see a dreary exterior. Rain had begun to pour, fogging the outside in grey. But she could distantly see a maze of hedges, rose bushes, apple trees, and all sorts of gardens awaiting. She awed at the sight as they continued down the carpeted hall to come to a set of dark oak doors.
“One moment, Miss,” the butler warned as he entered the room quickly.
“Boss, er, sir – “
The doors shut behind him before she could hear any more. She was left alone. YN glanced aside at the wall opposite of the windows. There were inlayed gas lamps, glowing a soft yellow. A portrait hung nearby, painted in a similar style as the painting she saw before.
It was of a young man, a handsome one at that. His inky-black hair was slicked back in shiny waves, a singular strand curled over his forehead daintily. He was in all white, soft silken tunic and oversized bowtie of virginal white. Despite the softness of his attire and of the atmosphere surrounding him (he was almost painted with his own divine halo as if he was an apostle), there was sharpness to his midnight-black eyes and the smirk of his mischievous smile. His ears were pierced up and down, pearls and fine metals looping them in sparkles. A twinkle was shining at the corner of his grin as if his teeth gleamed in the heavenly light around him. He was beautiful, but she couldn’t help but feel like his dark eyes were staring her down.
The tall doors opened behind her suddenly. YN turned to see the reveal of a dining hall as luxurious as the rest of the mansion. But the aroma that wafted from its interior was far more intoxicating.
“Enter, Miss YN.” The butler encouraged, beside the door.
He held them open for her as she took a stride inside. Her lips widening into a smile as she prepared to greet Yeosang at the head of the table. But this was no Yeosang she realized as she gazed down the long, lavish table to meet the dark gaze of a stranger.
With a calculated look, he stared at her from the head of a ten-chaired, decadent table of hot food. It was more than she had eaten in months even with San and Wooyoung: sizzling side dishes, steaks covered in thick luscious sauces, cracked fruits that had a sweet nectar gleaming on them, chocolate-oozing pastries. An open bottle of red wine rested in a frosted chest of ice; eight crystal glasses sat upside down. One glass of red wine sat in front of her spot; the other in the grasp of the man’s hand. The ruby liquid gleamed like blood. A sea of lit-candles decorated the spare space of the table; the chandelier above keeping the candles instead of trading them for their gas-lit counterpart. The orange glow illuminated the intimate room in a hazy feel. Smoke trailed out of his mouth in a long plume, perfuming the delicious air with the heady scent of tobacco.
“Hello.”
His voice was a soft drawl. His close-lip smile was the same. Soft, slow, and confident. His eyes were illuminated by the flickering candles, making the darkness there look like a night sky spattered with stars rather than with blood. He tapped his cigarette into a crystal ash tray with his long fingers. Rings after rings curled over his knuckles; some sharp and some with the emblem ‘A’ just like San and Wooyoung shared. He raised the cigarette back to his lips to take another drag into his lungs.
“YN.” The smoke billowed from his lips as he spoke her name tenderly.
She should’ve left then, knowing it was different from what she had agreed to. She should’ve asked him where Yeosang was immediately – and who was he? But she already knew, didn’t she? She had worried about this man since she read the newsprint that bore his name.
She shifted, fingers tugging at her skirt as she heard the heavy wood doors shut behind her. The butler that led her here disappearing, leaving her with him. Her fingers pressed into the door behind her, tentatively. It didn’t budge beneath her. In the shadows of the room, she saw there were men lining the wall. Like ghosts, they didn’t speak or move – they simply stood like gargoyles surrounding a castle. One broke the line to pull out her chair opposite of her dining companion. Her eyes flickered back to the man at the head of the table.
“Hello,” she said instead. “Yunho.”
It wasn’t a stutter, but there was a pause in her words. Yunho’s laughter was almost fond as he chuckled out a plume of smoke before she was urged forward with a flick of his hand. Ashes splattered across the white dining cloth, sizzling burns into the fabric. She sat down in the chair pulled out for her; the servant pushed her in towards the table with a screech of the wooden legs against the wood.
The silverware in front of her was polished, gleaming in the candle-light. A perfectly folded napkin rested on the center of her gold-lined plate. The initial ‘A’ in a circle was embroidered fancifully in shiny black thread on the pristine white fabric.
Her fingers flexed against the wood arm rests of her chair as she looked down the table, over candles, meats, cheese, and vegetables at the intimidating man. He was far away, but perhaps that was the safest option for her.
“I like you already,” he proclaimed, his words solid and confident. His smile simmered.
“Please,” Yunho gestured to the piles of food in front of them with a hand, swinging the cigarette and a trailing path of smoke about. “I’m sure you’re hungry.”
Her stomach felt tight with nerves, but even so it grumbled at the sight before her. Everything smelt so nice and rich and oily. Decadent. She licked her rosy lips, dragging her eyes up to look at him once more.
“Where’s Yeosang?” she asked finally.
He smiled, a peak of glimmering teeth shining in the candlelight. No, it wasn’t his teeth that shined – it was the inlayed diamonds on his canines that twinkled. Just like the driver. Just like the painting.
“He’ll join us,” Yunho reassured. “He’s running late from a previous engagement. I promise.”
Her gaze was doubtful. Why didn’t he just tell the driver to alert her? She could wait. She was used to waiting upon rich men.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
“I was curious of you.” He stated as he raised his cigarette to his mouth once more. As he breathed out, he gestured again at the food. “Please help yourself. Wooyoung told me some of your favorites.”
There were her favorites; steaming and hot. Some tartlets from their recent date sat on a pearlescent serving tray. Tempting. Her stomach grumbled. Watching him carefully, she reached out a fork to stab into a piece of meat and plating it.
“I’m just a ballerina,” she claimed, eyes flashing to look at him as she picked up her utensils to cut at the singular item on her plate.
Yunho’s lips quirked up on one side before he glanced aside at a man. He nodded towards her and she couldn’t help but jump as a suited butler approached. Yunho’s gaze took in the small tension that rippled through her.
The butler began to pile up her plate with this and that. Steaming vegetables, savory pastries, fluffy mashed potatoes scented with garlic, sticky soy-sauce braised meats, pasta with a rich cream sauce, seafood with clarified butter. It was more food than she could finish. The amount of food laid out was enough to feed eight men.
“You’ve entranced my brothers for being more than just a dancer,” Yunho commented. “I wanted to see what was so special about their swanette.”
She swallowed, her throat dry. She felt like a trapped bird in a zoo being observed. She tried to imagine the boudoir around her rather than the intimacy of a dining table.
“I’m a good dancer,” she told him boldly. They like bold, an older ballerina’s voice was in her ear once more.
Yunho smiled. “I heard. I apologize for never attending a performance.” He said.
“You’ve been… busy,” she said. But not too bold. Another ballerina warned.
It was a dig, and Yunho knew it. She knew it too with how wide her eyes became. And still, his lips curled into a smile, his eyes simmered.
“Its no wonder Wooyoung took to you,” he breathed.
He raised his glass of wine to his lips and took a long sip. At the mention of Wooyoung, he saw the way the muscles in her face flickered. Lightening. Interesting. Placing the glass down, he leaned forwards, hand resting under his chin as he stared at her, intrigued.
She was intriguing. She had four members of the family wrapped around her little finger and here she was in his sticky webs. Yunho ached to figure her out, dive deeper. The vein in his forehead bulged a bit with his intensity.
His eyes felt magnetic. She had cut up her slice of steak into tiny bites at this point, but all he had done was stare at her. He had not a lick of food on his own plate. It felt more like an interrogation than a meal at this point.
So, she stared back. Her eyes met his, swallowing down her fear. The twisted mangled amalgamation of fear, intrigue, and something else. She was safe, she chanted internally. Wooyoung promised. San promised. He hadn’t done anything to her…yet.
She took in his appearance. While his eyes were a hypnotizing thing, his entire face was like one of a siren’s. Handsome with chiseled features. Sharp cupid’s bowed lips, sharp brows, sharp clean lines of his suit. A pair of glasses were tucked into his pocket… he needed glasses just like her Sannie. Her eyes darted up the line of his throat. His hand rose to bring his cigarette back to his lips. He tilted his head, the midnight-black hair swaying over one eyebrow smartly.
How were all these men so handsome? The driver, her patrons, Yeosang, Yunho. All breathtaking compared to the oil-grubby handed rich men of Cromer. It made her soften just a smidge, guard walls lowering as he breathed out smoke once more. Lips pursing delicately. Cheeks soft, she noticed. It was quiet. The clinking of her utensils against her meal was the only sound in the hall.
“Do you like dancing?” she asked. Dancing was safe. Dancing was all she knew.
“Enough,” he said. “My brothers like it more than myself.”
Brothers he said again. It was strange. Wooyoung spoke of the others as friends, dear ones – explained that the shared last name was something pushed upon them. Yunho embraced it.
“Then, sports?” she countered. “Tennis perhaps?”
Yunho chuckled lowly, and it felt like a tiger’s rumble. “No,” he laughed. “Not particularly – though, I have good hand-eye coordination.”
Her mind flashed to the shooting the newspaper relayed – a fictionalized imagining in her head bloomed. Him and his gun aiming and firing with ease, just like that man in the alley way.
“Oh,” she breathed.
He wondered if she knew how blatant her face revealed things. Her fear, her thoughts, her soul. It was strange though. Yunho didn’t want her frightened.
“I play against Yeosang often,” he clarified.
“Oh,” she repeated, a different tone trickling into her exclamation. Her knife scraped against the plate’s china, screeching out suddenly like a soprano at an opera house. Her gaze turned to it, surprised.
Her meat was completely shredded now. Almost inedible with how much she had sawed into it over and over.
Yunho laughed again, the sound warm and full. “Darling,” he cooed out, soft. “Please relax and eat. I insist. Yeosang won’t mind.”
Yeosang. Of course, that’s why she was prolonging it. Her smile was bashful and Yunho’s eyes swallowed it up just like she bit into a piece of her meal finally.
“Will you not eat?” she asked.
Innocent, sweet. Yunho’s eyes simmered as he reached out to grasp a fruit from an intricately weaved wired basket. He bit into a red apple, sharp and vicious. Juice dripped over his fingers, down his chin. He raised a black napkin to the corner of his lips wiping it away. His eye contact never ceased. Did he just wink?
“How long have you lived in Cromer?” he asked.
“My entire life,” she admitted.
He hummed out. “And the ballet almost as long I suppose?”
“Ballerinas are taught young,” she said.
“The best way to shape someone.” He snubbed his cigarette out in his ash tray.
“I suppose,” she admitted. “But I love dancing. Truly.”
It was spoken sincerely, passionately. He nodded. “It’s been mentioned. They say one can tell by just the way you breath. You are full of it.”
“D-dancing?” she queried.
“Love.” he countered. “Passion.”
Her eyes blinked owlishly. “Oh.”
“Do you love them?” he asked directly. His head tilted curiously.
The topic had shifted in tone dramatically suddenly. Her heart raced to its hummingbird speed once more. Her face blushed. Yunho drank it all in like the wine in his glass.
There was a clambering down the hall way, muffled by the oak doors. Her gaze broken from his, and she looked over her shoulder at the doorway.
“Here he comes now,” Yunho whispered.
As predicted, Yeosang came busting through the doors. His hair askew, his eyes burning with the cruel fury she had only seen on the court. His elegant clothes looked rumpled; the softness of his sweater that cut into a deep v revealed more skin that she had seen of the sportsman yet. A rose was pinned on his chest, gentlemanly, and yet somehow tempting her to stare at his chiseled chest more. A decorative scarf wrapped around his throat, disheveled.
He glared at Yunho with such contempt before it was washed away at the sight of her. He glanced her up and down, quickly as if his lingering gaze would be scolded. Appropriately for such an inappropriate action. His lips parted gently; his rounded face soft with a gentle blush.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he immediately apologized, head bowing.
The long strands of russet-brown hair that framed his face swooped over his cheeks. His hand rose to tuck one strand back. “I was caught up with something unexpectedly.”
With little show, she stood, discarding her utensils to greet him. Her smile was soft, reassuring, genuine. She ducked her own head to catch his gaze – he was still glaring through his lashes at the man at the head of the table she noticed. But when he saw her own face come into view he straightened sweetly, awkwardly. But in such a charming way somehow. Yeosang was so charming even in his anger and discomfort. She didn’t want him to be in discomfort.
“Its alright,” she reassured him.
“We’ve just been chatting,” Yunho chimed from the end of the table. Unhelpfully.
Yeosang adjusted his leather gloves nervously, tugging them off finger by finger.
“I see that.” Yeosang rumbled.
His eyes settled back on her like she was his seas’ moon.
“You look lovely, YN,” he complimented. Her smile lit up the room, he swore.
He licked his lips, deep voice humming out as he looked over the table.
“I-I,” he gestured to the table, the meal he had ordered the chef to prepare, “I have those tarts you liked at the café on Riverfield Street.”
She smiled at him; he was so cute.
“Thank you,” she grinned. “And I saw. They look perfect.”
He breathed out a little, fixing his clothes once he tucked his gloves into his back pocket.
“It’s been perfect,” she tried to reassure him, sensing his anxieties. His blooming nerves. Her hand reached out to squeeze his.
He jolted at her touch, just enough for her to catch it. His ears were red. Yunho’s grin was wide, sparkling.
“Thank you for the invite.”
“Of course, I wanted –” he glanced at Yunho’s leering gaze. “I wanted to get to know you better, sweetheart.”
“And we shall,” Yunho agreed. “Sit, Sangie. Let’s eat.”
A butler appeared to pull out a seat for him. It wasn’t near either of them, in fact. It was the third seat to the left side of the table. Yeosang glanced at the butler silently before pulling out the chair directly beside YN and seating himself.
He was served a selection of the meal, silently. She went to break the silence.
“How are you?” The headline still brandished itself in her mind. His words about paparazzi left a lasting impact.
Yeosang huffed out. “Well,” he replied. “News articles come and go. I’ll remain on top of my game regardless.”
Yunho nodded steadfastly from across the table. “It’ll be nothing by the next game.”
Yeosang offered her a smile. “Thank you for worrying about me. I’ve survived worse.”
She nodded solemnly. “I don’t like it still.” Yunho watched the interaction carefully. His brow quirked.
“How are you liking Cromer?” she asked. She was used to asking men how they enjoyed the show… but that wasn’t an option here when the room lulled into silence.
“It’s different. But I’ve seen places as beautiful as Aurora, as desolate as the Strictlands, and as rural as Paradise. Cromer reminds me of Aurora in a different way.” Yeosang explained. “It feels homely.”
She smiled. “Ateez House is yours, correct?”
“Its in the family,” Yeosang replied.
“What do you think of it?” Yunho queried.
“Its very nice,” she politely said.
Yeosang tilted his head fondly at her. “Meaning?”
Her brows crinkled in surprise. “Its—nice?” she repeated.
“Shall I remind you what San encourages you to do, sweetheart?”
To be honest. How did he know about that? Her neck and ears became a soft pink in the candlelight. Swallowing, she glanced to the side.
“It is genuinely nice – its just… this house has been called haunted my whole life,” she told them. “There are ghost stories linked to this mansion. It’s strange being here and seeing that it is, in fact, not rotting or some supernatural force of nature.”
Yeosang chuckled out, smiling sweet.
“There are stories?” he leaned in. “Do tell!”
“I love a good gruesome story,” Yunho commented.
But for some reason, the way the words lilted in his tone didn’t make her flinch like before… in fact, was he teasing her? Her eyes flickered from Yeosang’s open form to Yunho. His cheek rested on his hand; elbow pressed into the table as he eyed her with Yeosang.
He smirked at her as they met one another’s eyes. He nodded, urging her. And so, YN went into the ghost story she had been told as a little girl, sitting among the tutu’ed training ballerinas while her mother did alterations on the prima’s show-stopping costume.
“The story goes that this house was home to a Captain,” she started, twirling pasta about her fork as she spoke.
Yunho and Yeosang’s eyes locked.
“The Captain was no ordinary captain; he was the fiercest pirate king of all. With his crew, the Black Pirates, they terrorized the seas and reaped countless treasures. When he grew old and hoarding like a dragon, he docked at Cromer under a false name. Ateez House was built upon blood-soaked jewels and coins; they say the pirate captain passed in his vault, hidden deep in the mansion’s basements. His bones are still there, unrested. His ghost terrorizes the house and refuses to let any soul except his pirates’ prowl.” She dramatically told.
Her fingers wiggled sensationally. “Or that the treasure was haunted by those they robbed and killed mercilessly. Their ghosts remain and haunt these halls.” She shrugged her hands landing back in her lap. “The story changes every so often.”
“What a story,” Yunho breathed. “Do you believe it?”
“It’s just a story. Maybe there are some real parts but… ghosts aren’t real. I’m not that silly of a girl.”
“You aren’t,” Yeosang commented immediately.
“But everyone in town knows it, so it sticks,” she told them, reaching out for the glass of wine in front of her and taking a sip.
“Cromer loves its gossip.” Yeosang commented.
“They’re stuck in their ways,” Yunho added.
“What do you think of Cromer?” she redirected to Yunho.
He took a small breath in. His previous grimace faded and his brow crinkled as he looked at her thoughtfully. His lips pressed together before replying.
“At first,” Yunho said, tilting his chin. “I did not like it… but now…”
His gaze felt hot, ever present. There wasn’t a barrier of modesty she often felt with other men. Yeosang’s was intense. San’s was careful, observant. Wooyoung’s eager and challenging. Yunho’s was steadfast. Confident. Even the men in the boudoir knew there were limits. They had their wives. They had their image with the other men within the boudoir itself. Here she felt both hunted and examined. Admired but equal. He was looking at her soul.
“Now, I like it.” Yunho purred. “Very much, darling.”
He placed his silverware down with a clink. He leaned forwards, hands pressing into the table.
“There’s more to you that meets the eye,” Yunho commented. “I see that, so now I will let you speak your mind, truthfully.”
Her heart nearly stopped. Was he going to ask her about her love again? In front of Yeosang?! Her eyes remained on him steadily. Her ears burned.
“You’re frightened of me, yes?” he said.
It was strange to feel relief at the confirmation of something so horrible. Because she was still nervous around him, for his boldness frightened her just as much as his previous actions. Yeosang’s eyes shifted to her, widening as he watched her nod.
“Sweetheart,” he reached out for her hand, petting her phalanges but not grabbing it. He simply wished to reassure her. Just as she had done for him earlier.
“San and Wooyoung said I didn’t have to be,” she replied. She licked her lips.
“Ask me what you want to know.” He stretched back into his chair, neck flexing as he met her gaze.
“Is it true? Should I be frightened?”
“That’s not it,” he laughed a bit, lip curling almost scornfully, scoldingly. He raised a brow, head tilting as if weighing his options. “But no, you don’t need to be frightened. Ask another.”
“I don’t have another question.” She countered, only to state simply and firmly. “You shot a man.”
And he smiled. “I did.” Yunho confirmed.
“On purpose?” she asked.
“Yes, darling.”
Her blood felt cold. She hadn’t met someone like him and it sent her stomach into a cramping mess. Yeosang did take her hand now. Interlacing his fingers softly. He glanced over at his elder as he rose from his chair. Oh, Yunho was tall. Very tall, in fact. With them sitting, he looked giant. His heels thudded against the floor.
“Why?” she asked. Yeosang felt her hand tighten in his grasp.
“He tried to fool me, steal from me,” Yunho stated, walking towards them. “Lied to me. I don’t like being played.”
There wasn’t a moment for the words to sink in for YN. Instead, like a game of tennis, she shot back.
“So, you shot him? Just like that?”
“For your information, yes.”
“That’s frightening.”
“Yes.” Yunho was beside Yeosang now.
“But!” Yeosang was the next to interrupt. “If you must know… Yunho isn’t some cruel man, sweetheart. It was done in self-defense.”
“Self-defense?” she asked doubtfully. Wooyoung and San said so themselves as well.
The air that Yunho carried seemed to be more than that. He wasn’t exactly proud, but he was at peace with what he did. Yunho’s face pulled into a tight thing as he rested a hand on Yeosang’s shoulder. They both looked at her inquiringly.
“He pulled a blade on Yunho,” Yeosang interjected. His gaze flashed to her. “He has the scars to prove it.”
They had an answer to everything. It was self-defense. Not a thing of violence. Of necessity.
She stared at them
“It wasn’t… he struck first?” she repeated slowly.
They glanced at one another before smiling at her with dual grins. Yunho tapped his fingers on Yeosang’s shoulder before he pulled back. A hand went to his chest, gentlemanly and earnest in nature.
“Yes.” He ensured.
Her eyes flickered to Yeosang. He had been a sensible figure – likeable, nothing formidable. If he trusted him, if her Wooyoung and San did. Yunho spoke with such authority. He valued truth just like San did.
Her defensiveness, something she didn’t even see in her body language, softened. Yunho’s sigh was one of understanding as he walked back to his seat, stealing a glance at her. He smiled again, his teeth gleaming in the cande light.
“YN.” He spoke her name luxuriously. “If there is one thing you should know about me. I don’t do mess.”
He plucked a dessert from his plate, biting into the chocolate with slowness. Calculated. He kept her gaze. It sent a thrill through her; he sent a thrill through her. Swallowing together, the corner of his lip curled. He raised a napkin to his lips, gentlemanly.
He was a gentleman, straightforward and powerful. He had to be telling the truth.
“I’m not a messy man, darling-doll.”
The dinner didn’t last much longer. Yeosang encouraged conversation; Yunho threw in some topics, mostly of things she had mentioned to San and Wooyoung. It struck her then that they shared many stories about her. They must’ve talked about her a lot. It made her cheeks flush as red as the chocolate strawberries Yunho ate.
Their eyes were hot on her; it felt like they were captivated and it made her heart race. Like she was on the stage.
She liked it.
Surprisingly, her two patrons made an appearance at the end of the meal. Wooyoung, of course, was the one to pop his head into the grand dining room.
“Swanette!” he beamed at the sight of her.
Yunho took in how her shoulders softened and her chest heaved at the sight of Wooyoung, at his voice. He smiled, softer and truer than any other smile he shared tonight so far.
Wooyoung was dressed the most casual she had ever seen him. A fashionable patterned white-and-black button-up shirt was barely buttoned, revealing a black ribbed tank-top beneath it. His hair was pushed back casually and messy; a rolled cigarette was behind his ear. His slacks were a deep black, loose and flowy rather than a structured fabric.
“Woo,” she barely got out, her mouth dropping at the sight of him.
He smirked, arms slinking over the chair and over her shoulders.
“Hello hyungs,” he greeted the others, barely glancing at them before ducking his head and pressing a less-than-decent kiss to her mouth. Smothering and all consuming. She squeaked into it. A ringed hand rose to cup her guide her head in the kiss, icy cold against her flushed red cheek.
Yeosang and Yunho chuckled out. The sound was a mixture of fondness and annoyance. Yunho’s brow twitched. Yeosang’s hand held hers tighter… he hadn’t let go, of course. But YN hadn’t noticed the entire dinner and dessert. ‘Til now. Her fingers flexed in his as Wooyoung swiped his tongue across the seam of her lips.
“Alright,” San scolded Wooyoung, his hand going to the back of the shorter’s neck. He nearly pried him off her. “Wooyoung!”
“I missed her,” Wooyoung said simply, flushed face and breathless.
His hot breath fanned over her rosy face; his lips were spicy and left hers burning. Mischief twinkled in his eyes as he stole another kiss from her lips. San pulled him back again with a harsher hand.
It was then she got a glance of her other patron. San had freshly washed hair, the locks combed out and dripping over his forehead. He wore a similar tank top to Wooyoung, but in a white shade. Shockingly, he had a pair of workman’s light-washed blue jeans hugging his thighs. Thick thighs, muscular shoulders, tawny honey skin. It was tantalizing, tempting. But when she looked over his face, her mouth dropped in surprise. A bruise kissed at the corner of his lips; his sweet smile tarnished with a purple-red watercolor splotch.
She couldn’t help stand immediately, half in the clutches of Wooyoung. Her hand rose to cup San’s cheek.
“Honey!” he exclaimed out in surprise.
He didn’t shift away, actually bending at the knee for her height, but San was certainly surprised. He had taken the lead between them often. YN rarely made the first move with either of her patrons. But what he had mistaken for sexual tension only led to pain. He was shocked when her thumb’s brush against his lips made pain radiate up his face.
“Ow,” he whimpered, frowning. His brow furrowed.
Yeosang laughed nearby. “He forgot he’s hurt,” the athlete commented.
“It’s been a while,” Yunho added, finishing his drink as he watched the interaction play out.
San’s lips pressed together, blinking rapidly before taking in the concern look on her face.
“Oh, honey, I’m okay,” San tried to reassure. His hand rose to cup her hand that was pressed to his jaw, thumb brushing over it soothingly. “It doesn’t even hurt.”
“You just said ow, you liar,” she scolded him, brows furrowing. “What the hell happened?”
“I’m fine,” he swore, tilting his head to press a kiss that stung his mouth to her palm. “Promise.”
“This town is getting more and more dangerous,” she breathed out.
Her thumb brushed over his cheek softly. His pretty face marred. Without his glasses on, she could see how his eyes sparkled in the chandelier’s candlelight. Soft and starry, as if she hung the world.
“You are an angel,” he murmured. “I’m okay. I’ll live.”
“Wooyoung, will you tell me what happened?” she prompted, not moving. Wooyoung pressed to her side made a humming sound.
“The streets are rough around here,” he said. “Someone really ought to fix that.”
Yunho huffed from across the long table.
San smiled at her again, eyes falling into half-moons. He pressed a kiss to her forehead. His lips stung to do so, but she was worth it. “Thank you for worrying.” He told her. His stomach did somersaults at the thought of her jumping to his aid.
“Shall we walk you out, swanette?” Wooyoung directed instead, head tucking over her shoulder to look at the table. “Yunho has a meeting to attend unfortunately.”
Yunho hissed in through his sparkling diamond-inlayed teeth. “Does the—”
San nodded.
He breathed in through his nose before offering YN a simmering smile. Full of warmth. “It was lovely meeting you, Miss YN. I hope to see you very soon.” He bowed politely before with long-legged strides left the room. Wooyoung winked at him as he passed.
“I’ll join you,” Yeosang offered YN. “You must come visit again soon – in the spring, the gardens are beautiful. We could have tea or -”
“Yeosang likes to take long strolls through the gardens – even if it’s raining,” Wooyoung revealed, finally peeling himself off her back to look at the selection of food laid out. He plucked a grape from a platter.
“You gossip like the upper-class now,” Yeosang commented, raising a brow.
Wooyoung laughed brightly at his friend before popping the fruit into his mouth. “Eh, they rub off on you – I had to keep up with you, Sangie.”
Hmm, it was an interesting interaction. Playful but also… strange. She knew their pasts implied they hadn’t always been wealthy… Yeosang had been a protégé tennis player at a young age but how did he meet Wooyoung? Was it all because of Hongjoong?
San’s hands squeezed her waist. When had both of his hands shifted there? “You sleepy, honey?” he asked.
“Too filling of a meal,” Yeosang complained as he rose to his feet.
As if the food was her reason to getting lost in her head.
“It was perfect,” she countered, taking a step back. “Thank you again for the invitation.”
“Thank you for gracing us,” Yeosang replied, offering her his hand. She took it, and he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. A picture of a gentleman. But he was quick to wrap her arm up into his, pulling her into his side now. Surprisingly daring for the Yeosang she knew.
“Shall we?”
Their exit seemed to take forever just as before. Yeosang lead her down hallway after hallway after hallway. It almost felt like they were navigating a maze. San and Wooyoung framed the two in; Wooyoung on her side and San on Yeosang’s.
“How was Yunho?” San prompted, tentatively. “He didn’t scare you?”
“Did he frighten you – when you were alone with him?” Yeosang repeated, arm tightening around her.
“No, no, he wasn’t frightening,” she reassured them. “He was a surprise certainly.”
“Ah, Yunho was sneaky. He doesn’t like the opera, so he found his own way to meet you,” Yeosang sighed. “I feel like he caused the trouble for me on purpose, so I’d run late. You’re popular around here, sweetheart.” He squeezed her arm teasingly.
“Who else here?” she chuckled. Seonghwa? Hongjoong? She hadnt yet to see either of them – like they were ghosts.
“You’d be surprised,” Yeosang commented before leaning in and admitting. “I quite like you, too.”
He made her cheeks burn red, and Wooyoung giggled.
“She likes you too, Sangie,” he crowed out, fingers reaching to tickle her waist. “I’ve seen her blush over San, over you… Do you like Yunho as well?” Wooyoung queried, his words becoming less and less playful. They were almost inquisitive, as if testing the waters instead.
There was a crack as he lit a match across a gold-leafed frame. He placed the cigarette that was behind his ear to his lips and lit it.
“I did,” YN told him, honestly, as they continued through the foyer. Wooyoung chuckled out, smoke puffing out in front of his face in surprise. He wasn’t expecting her to admit it so fast.
“Not like that,” she interrupt his giggles, face burning. “I just—”
Looking down another hall they, she made out Yunho’s form, tall and slim walking down the hall with purpose. His back to her as they turned into the foyer finally.
“He was kind. Even if he was a bit intimidating… he wasn’t cruel or harsh. Just… confident.”
Yeosang smiled close-lipped. Wooyoung blew out his smoke to the side, the plume passing over the butlers’ faces. Not one flinched or coughed.
The smell of expensive tabacoo wafted over her face warmly as Wooyoung walked in front of them to push open the large heavy doors of the mansion.
“So he wasn’t so scary after all?” he teased. “Wait ‘til you meet Hongjoong and Hwa-hyung. They’re properly-”
“Wooyoung, don’t tease her,” Yeosang defended.
The younger raised one of his hands in defense as he held open the door for them. “I’m just saying – she got pass the guard dog.”
“She hasn’t met Jongho yet,” Yeosang giggled lightly. “He’s truly got a bad case of looking gruffer than he is. He’s our baby.”
Jongho. She had only heard that name once, and it was that night. Her ears rang.
“Jongho?” she queried softly.
He had been at the opera! He was one of their ‘brothers’.
“Or Mingi--Ah, here he is now,” San commented, smiling over at the man standing in front of the green-painted car.
“Hello,” the driver greeted, voice as deep as earlier. His eyes flickered to her arm in Yeosang’s.
Wooyoung smirked at him. “Mingi, I didn’t know you were driving today,” he said.
“I thought you and San were doing business today.”
“It was a fast deal.”
Mingi looked unamused, his siren-eyes looking him and San up and down. “Uh huh.
“You know a Jongho?” she turned to Yeosang as they spoke.
“Jongho is the youngest of us. You’ll meet him soon, sweetheart,” he reassured, squeezing her arm. “He’s busy too often. I think they overwork him; he’s just a boy.”
“He’s only a year younger than us,” Wooyoung commented with a pout.
“He’s a baby,” San agreed offhandedly.
“I think I—"
“Is she going the hell home or not?” Mingi bit out. Before looking bashfully at her. “Sorry, doll,” he apologized for his gruffness. “I’m not used to a dame being around.”
“Its okay,” she mumbled out. Her mind was preoccupied with trying to figure out why Jongho was at the opera… without his supposed family knowing.
Mingi pouted at that. “No, its not.” He admitted. “Don’t take disrespect.”
Her distracted gaze rose and nodded softly, not really processing his words.
Wooyoung tsked out. “Here he goes about respect,” he sighed out. “Hurry up, swanette, or else we will be here for hours.”
There was a rumble of chuckles in the group. Yeosang squeezed her arm once more before pressing close to her ear, cheek to cheek. A whispered “next time it’ll be just you and I, hm?” was hushed into her ear before he unwound himself from her and allowed the others to hover about. “I’ll see you next time, Miss YN.”
San pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he promised. “And again, I promise you, I’m fine.” He pressed another kiss to her hairline before guiding her into Wooyoung’s arms.
He was warm and smelt of smoke. His grin was playful, wolfish as he leaned down and stole her lips into a kiss. He was getting bolder and bolder. His kiss was hot, a lick of his tongue into her mouth this time. She squeaked and he chuckled deeply.
“Mmm,” he moaned as he pulled away just a fraction. Wooyoung smiled as if he was innocent but his teases were devilishly. “Perhaps I should call you little mouse instead of swanette.”
She pushed at his chest, playfully. Wooyoung tugged her closer, grinning. Her face was akin to a rose.
“Let her go, Wooyoung,” Mingi said from the side. His face was sharp as he glared at the other. He didn’t appreciate the teasing. “She must be tired.”
Wooyoung heaved a sigh as if this was the hardest thing to do. He pouted at her before stealing a kiss, pressing a peck to her nose. “Fine,” he relented, unwinding her from his spider web embrace.
“See you soon, pretty. Mingi will make sure you get home safely.”
Mingi nodded steadfast before he offered her his hand.
“Shall we, baby-doll?”
-
Next time, when she woke, it was to a cat’s sandpaper-esque tongue licking her cheek. Little tiny licks with the familiar nuzzle of her wet nose, Z investigated her like any other day. The little more-blue-grey-than-black cat sniffed at her, the talkative pet meowing loudly. Her green eyes blinked slowly at her before she nudged her cheek with her forehead once more.
Her body didn’t burn. It didn’t ache. It didn’t feel like anything. Whatever drugs she was on, they were good. She blinked at the kitten, slow to do anything once more.
She was still in Yeosang’s room. The smell of him was all around her, Jongho’s familiar gardenia aroma mingling in the sheets. YN tried to move. Pushing herself upwards was easier than before but the slightest shift in her legs reminded her of the heavy casts that wrapped her ankles. The pain nothing like before but there was still the zing up her knees that made her pause. Her breath caught as she stared at her limbs before her.
Her reality. Bedbound, grounded. It was a depressing thought. Even more depressing when she realized she wasn’t sure what day it was nor what hour. How many shows had she missed? Did her mother know she wasn’t well? Was she just the same as those folk written about in the papers? Missing and forgotten.
She let out a shuddering breath as she laid back into the fluffy luxurious pillows, contemplating what to do. Should she cry out for them? Hongjoong was the last face she remembered but she didn’t want to see him. Or Seonghwa. Or any of them. Really. Anger burned her throat like the nearby fire place. Z’s whiskers dusted over her arm, nudging at her for attention as she let out another inquisitive meow.
“Leave me alone, Z,” she mumbled into her pillow. The little tongue peaked out to lick her again. “Stop, Z; go away.”
Her tone was raising with her rising grief. That was the only way to describe what she was feeling grief – a mixture of hoping, pleading, that everything had been a dream only to be reawaken to reality. Anger and sorrow clashed like cymbals in her head.
The cat nuzzled her again, and she snapped this time.
“Z, go!” Her hands shifted the quilts aside in a huff, making the little cat hop away, back arched.
“Z, come here,” a voice, melodic as it was masculine, called. The doorway creaked open, the gaslight in the hallway illuminated his figure, bulky in the best way. “Love isn’t in the mood to play.”
She frowned over at him, even if Z hopped off the bed and went towards Jongho eagerly. Her little body pressed against his leg as she passed him, purring softly. He smiled after his kitten before his gaze settled back on his love bed ridden.
“Hi love,” he greeted. “How are you feeling?”
“Angry,” she told him.
“But not in pain,” he smiled.
The youngest crawled up onto the bed, sheets rustling and ruffling as he settled beside her. Jongho wasn’t one to be silenced by a glare or dirty look. He was made for this world – his hyungs’ beloved aegi was used to getting what he wanted. And she was his baby. His love. He wanted her.
She turned her rageful eyes his way. He simply smiled just like the others. “I know,” he hummed. “I tried to warn you.”
He had. He cried to her last night… or a few nights ago? Her anger was quenched by those tears now. Her eyes softened just a smidge, and Jongho took a mile. He pressed his lips to her forehead in a soft kiss. His arms wrapped around her ‘til she was caught in his embrace, warm and coddled.
He indulged in the way she didn’t pull away or yell. He had heard her shouts at Yeosang’s attempts at affection.
“What happened? I remember waking up in pain – why?” she murmured into his chest. Trying to gather information from when she was asleep.
Even now, she felt safe in his embrace. It caused a horrible sinking feeling in her stomach.
He heaved out, her head rising and falling with his chest. “You had an infection – the doctor said it was possible dirt from that alley way. It entered your injury for too long. He fixed it.”
“Is he alive?” she mumbled.
“By Yunho’s grace.”
She felt the ebbing and flowing rage, the despair rush over her again. Almost as if sensing it, Jongho shifted, his chin tilting into his chest to look down at her. He moved to tilt her own chin to meet his gaze. Fiery passion burned there. He liked it better when her passion burned for her dancing… but he supposed it had to go somewhere while she was incapable.
“It’s the way things are,” he told her. “Stop fighting it.”
Stop fighting and give in. Look what fighting did. Just let them control her…
YN scoffed. “I’m not some doll,” she bit back. “Or some—"She wriggled like a worm on a hook. Jongho’s eyes ached, and he reached for her hands. He cupped them in his. His bloodstained ones. How many time had he scrubbed away ichor? Dug it from under his nails? Her hands were dainty.
“It’ll never touch your hands,” he interrupted earnestly. “You’ll never bear it. Our work. Our lifestyles. If that’s what you’re afraid of.”
“I’m bearing it now,” she whispered to him, voice breaking. “I’m afraid of you.”
He frowned, his face firm and thoughtful. He was always thinking her Jongho. He never stopped. His thumbs brushed over her palms, his forehead pressing to hers intimately.
“You tried to leave,” he said. “I didn’t want this. None of us did. If you hadn’t, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You understand what that means – I’m just something you control like your butlers and your members and your-.”
“No.” Jongho interrupted soft and earnestly.
“You are no pawn, my love. You are our priority… our treasure. Always.”
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Ok ok ok
Favorites rn are Jade, the Carapacians (especially Jack Noir and Peregrine), Nepeta, Terezi, Vriska and Roxy (I love women moment)
I actually really love acts 1-3 and it reminds me a lot of a show i like called RWBY, where the first three seasons are chill and then the tension ramps with higher stakes. Big fan of looking back at the past and crying cause the characters were so innocent back then.
Btw anyone who says you can skip straight to act 5 to see the trolls is LYING!!!!
I like the ancestors rn, in the "they're sick legends from the past" way, I havent met the dancestors yet.
The scratch is interesting rn I dunno if i'll be able to tell completely how I feel about it till I see more of its affects. I can see why live readers didnt vibe with the Alpha kids all the way, but I'm really liking them so far. My opinions may change when they get into the game we will see.
Also WV my beloved <3 <3 <3 Such a good soul he's so brave and noble and he lead the rebellion against the Black King and kept the White Queen's ring for years what a guy!!!!
I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY FOR HOW LATE THIS RESPONSE IS LMAO. sorry. my adhd meds have been in limbo for a week and a half. everyone can tell.
You're so right though on like. Everything here lmao. The thing about Homestuck is that it just has so many really good women in it. I may be a captors stan because I have big emotions about their relationship with apocalypses but like. The women in homestuck are simply just So Good. I thiiiiiink PM is probably my favorite homestuck woman and Nepeta is my second though. If I was forced to choose. Wait no I forgot about Aradia and Kanaya. Ohhhhhh boy. How do you pick. They're all simply WONDERFUL.
I'm sooooo glad you enjoyed WV but also don't get used to him. He's never brought back properly again until like act 7. For a few seconds. It's miserable being a WV fan during act 6 because he's treated as less than a person and the fact that he's a WAR VETERAN WITH PTSD ABOUT THE WAR HE FOUGHT IN AS A REVOLUTIONARY LEADER is ignored completely in favor of LOOK! Pet for dave and karkat!
As an archival reader myself I loved the alpha kids. They're fun!!! They're delightful little idiots. I'm deeply curious about your opinions on Jake English, actually. I've been known to have what some people might refer to as strong opinions on him. Incredibly strong opinions on one particular aspect of him that may only be implied in canon but like guys it's so incredibly heavily implied in canon I'm obsessed with it.
Hope you're having as much fun with act 6 as I did when I first read it which. Ok admittedly I didn't like act 6 as much on my first readthrough because the specific flavor of romance drama was Not as engaging to me but in retrospect I really love it.
#answering asks#gardenergulfie#interacting w friends#the thing about act 6 of homestuck is that it's just So Much#it's just SO much#and a lot of it is REALLY REALLY FUN but also a lot of it is.#uh.#the love triangle of the ages.#which is a huge Yawn from me
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I loved your answers to my last questions! 😭❤️❤️ I'll be asking more questions if that's alright with you :D
1.) What is your go-to Starbucks drink? + What do you Satoru’s Starbucks would be?
Ooooo ik! ☝🏼✨️
2.) What are some personal HCs of Gojo that you think would be canon? (It can be cute hcs, sad hcs, etc) 😄
3.) What are your plans for the weekend?
4.) Any book recommendations you would like to share? + Music too <3
5.) What is the # 1 thing that makes you happy? (It can also be a person or place) & why?
of course gigi!! i always love answering questions hehe
1. i always drink a caramel frappe bahaah and ooh im not too knowledgeable about sbux drinks frankly but im sure he’d drink something similar to mine or just something insanely sweet, definitely with a shit ton of extra caramel or choco drizzle!!!!
2. oh i have sooooo many but it would flood this post. i have a hc gojo runs either cold or hot, no in between, but mostly on the colder side bc of infinity and such. i also hc that he uses infinity to hold his hair up and also a crack onw where he doesnt shower bc of infinity and just 😭😭 has very specific food tastes, i mean ofc he would like the sweet stuff but when it comes to fruits too, he can tolerate sour fruits but it cant be TOO sour or hes not eating it 😭 apples have to be the correct consistency too so if it's too mushy he'll push it to u for you to eat LOLOL. thinks about suguru a lot and always goes over what he wouldve done if he noticed sooner, wears his hair tie around his wrist :(( also have kept geto's room clean and neat and sometimes goes in there to just lay in his bed. his scent is far gone but he can still sense cursed energy and sometimes he wonders if the curses his bsf collected were looking after him (ill leave it up to you if you think that cursed energy belings to kenjaku or simply geto's spirit)
3. sleeping innnnnnnnn lol my body clock likes to wake me up too early and im so tired from last week's performance 😭 at least then ill have more energy to do my essays
4. i havent been reading much, but cloud cuckoo land by anthony doerr, any book by cecelia ahern, un lun dun by china miéville, i personally loved frankenstein ngl, daughter of the moon goddess by sue lynn tan (altho it's a classic love triangle and i hate love triangles but i always love me a good book based of chinese mythology. havent read the sequel!), the secret history, P&P by jane austen is pretty good too
5. gojo LIKE. partially true he just fills me w sm joy bc i love him as a character sm! this is intangible but music. i love love love music sm it shapes me sm as a person and i think ill be a very boring person without music. i cant. i love it sm you guys cant fathom 😭. my mom!! i love my mother very much :) she has been nothing but loving to me and im 4ever grateful for that. in regards to place, anywhere quiet. there was a subway near my dance studio before and it was my no. 1 place to stay and study but they moved out :(
ty gigi omg it was so fun answering this i wrote them halfway ytd and i fell asleep 😭😭😭😭😭 <3
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galatea x gn!reader general headcanons
yes i have fallen down the idv rabbit hole there goes my grades (ノωヽ) i havent seen many galatea headcanons yet (why are all of them norton and joseph hcs wtf) so ill do it myself bc head empty only galatea my beloved <33333333333 who doesnt love themselves a disabled woman with dwarfism and 47 mental illnesses am i right!
content warnings: none includes: fluff, romantic headcanons for galatea~! reader uses they/them pronouns, galatea uses she/her pronouns
"she looks just like a dream, the prettiest girl i've ever seen"
galatea can be really shy and reclusive sometimes bc she has a fi-si loop (a fi-si loop is where an infp relies solely on their introverted functions and become hypercritical of their past mistakes and is stuck in this nostalgic timeloop kind of situation but i digress)
since she had been in an asylum for so long, she's very used to her own company so it took her a while to put her guard down again
but once she does, she's a completely different person!
her love languages are quality time and gift giving! she just loves your company and enjoy moments in silence too
galatea gives huge cat energy ngl i can imagine her being very selective but is able to be herself with the people she's familiar with (she's actually rlly nice!!!!) (until she gets jealous but i'll elaborate on that some other day)
she also gives little spoon energy and i think she likes being cuddled bc it makes her feel safe, add a few pecks on the top of her head and she will cling on to you forever
she isn't too big on pda bc she's more inclined to having more alone time with you but she will squeeze your hand whenever she passes by you <3
but she's also very very easily flustered, give her a kiss in the middle of the match, she's beet red
if you are a pda kind of person, she'll still agree to it, although she'd probably be embarrassed quite often
she isn't the best with words but she's trying her best! she prefers expressing her feelings through actions/art/handwritten letters bc she's just not very verbal
she likes to play with your hair and if it's long she'll french-braid them bc she can't do french braids on her own hair (she finds it difficult ☆⌒(> _ <)
she will definitely make a LOT of statues of you, there's probably enough of those to fill up the entire manor with
she won't keep all of them tho bc she thinks she's not doing you justice if your statue is even slightly lopsided or imperfect
galatea often catches herself staring at you, it's a little creepy but she just likes to people-watch and improve her statues even more bc you're her favorite model
galatea adores art and history museums so definitely bring her to one if you have the time to!
but in the manor, i think galatea would bring you to watch the sunrise in the garden and once the sun has risen she'll show you her favorite flowers emma has planted
she's also quite interested in sketching and if her s/o likes it too, expect to go on some quiet dates where both of you just sketch outdoors
i hc galatea to have a sweet tooth so expect a lot of chocolate and various kinds of desserts to randomly show up in your room with no note, nothing, just dessert (she probably decided to save her desserts for you aw)
(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)
tldr; galatea is kind of reclusive but once she opens up to you she's sooooo cute dhfsd she just wants the best for you and isn't afraid to share her interests with you!
sorry for how long this is! i kind of got carried away bc i have a LOT of thoughts about galatea DFHDUF, i just think about her a lot (yes hello this is your poster galatea defender) nevertheless, i hope you enjoyed!!!! this was really fun to make and definitely a switch-up from my genshin sexuality headcanons ( ̄▽ ̄*)ゞ i will most certainly do a lot more identity v headcanons in the future because i just can't seem to stop thinking about this stupid mobile game lol
#idv#identity v#idv galatea#idv sculptor#sculptor idv#galatea claude#galatea#identity v galatea#identity v sculptor#identity v headcanons#idv headcanons#idv headcanon#idv x reader#identity v x reader#identity v x you#identity v x gn reader#gn reader#x reader#headcanon#headcanons#galatea headcanons#sculptor headcanons#sculptor x reader#galatea claude x reader#sculptor idv x reader#idv sculptor x reader#fluff#idv fluff#idv shitpost#第五人格
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OMG ive been summoned!!! okay okay lets see
first off. getting this one out of the way. i havent voted yet but i swear to god if calculus is winning right now im gonna be /pissed/ (not really lmao). not because its BAD or anything, i enjoyed learning about it, but its sooooo overhyped as The Hard One when conceptually its not even that interesting. wooaahhhhh find the area under a curve!! revolutionary!! like yeah the calculations are long and often difficult ESPECIALLY once you get into multivariable calculus but like. it gets way too much hype for what it is.
im tempted to vote algebra for how foundational it is but thats a boring answer. same with functions and relations. im also not voting for trig because i tutor high schoolers and im sick of it tbh. its basically just geometry a little to the left anyway.
ok at first i kinda skipped over geometry but you know what. thats a little unfair. euclidean geometry is generally very boring but higher dimensional geometry? hyperbolic or circular geometry???? where would we be as a society without klein bottles and mobius strips and hyper cubes and hyperbolic crochet. anyway if youre reading this you need to play hyperbolica its a simple puzzle game a la portal but instead of thinking with portals you have to think in hyperbolic space. where space has more. space. everything looks a little distorted and it totally fucks your spatial awareness its so fun. even something as simple as a maze becomes difficult because when you turn left 4 times you DONT end up where you started and it just doesnt compute in your brain. also the npcs are little robot guys and its so cute and charming. 10/10 excellent game. anyway yeah im not voting for geometry because a lot of it is boring but it does have its moments!
i went to university for statistics (well. technically actuarial science but its pretty much the same thing) so im a bit biased towards it. but its definitely the most useful kind of math for the average person to understand (aside from basic algebra) but its also like. really wild that it works?? that you can collect a big chunk of data and then determine correlations between variables with a high degree of accuracy. its basically the antithesis of what people think of math (rules and hard logic and one correct answer) but its still so rigorous and useful and so so important to understand
but more than statistics i am a huge fan of matrix theory. i really love matrix operations theyre SO SATISFYING and just really fun to do. especially when you apply them to linear algebra and solve a really messy system of equations that cant even be conceptualized on a graph.... augh its great. and its also one of the few kinds of math that i learned with a bunch of different number systems pretty much right away (bc its related to cryptography so using binary or mod 5 or whatever is actually useful) and that was really refreshing!! i love using different number systems. im not sure why its grouped together with set theory but i do also like set theory, its really fundamental like algebra (although its not nearly as well taught as algebra) and a lot of the operations are really unique so it kinda opens up what math is when you start learning about it. and of course there are a lot of number sets that i really like but that doesnt really have to do with set theory itself lmao
ANYWAY i think im gonna vote matrix theory. theres a few really interesting ones that arent listed here like game theory (ever heard of the prisoners dilemma?), topology (did you know that a mug is the same as a donut? also a straw definitively has one hole), and graph theory (i dont know that much about graph theory tbh i just think it looks really cool), but i really love matrices. i mean come on like
that rules. objectively that rules
#anyway whether you vote matrix theory or not you can at least make an informed decision#based on my. extremely biased perspective lmao#thanks so much for the tag z!!! hope you enjoyed my rambles hehe#also play hyperbolica. its so cool and i promise you dont have to know anything about hyperbolic space to play it
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wat r ur thoughts on frontiers so far??? i havent been 2 invested in recent sonic stuff but im watching a live playthrough and the atmosphere is sooooo cool it def seems like a step in the right direction 4 the series XP
dont want 2 spoil someone accidentally:P VVV
OMG LITERALY ITS SOOOOO GOOOOD sum aspects kf it reminds me of unleashed which is awesome 2 me cus rhats one of my faves… i dont pay much attention to actual gameplay in sonic i mostly like the storys and characters but frontiers is supeeer fun and i love being able to explore and do the challenges and the stages are pretty cool too … im not the best at them thiugh…. Seriously ive been talking myselr so much about how much i adore it its like they made a game just for melina i never play video games but this is so so fun to me. I was kind of confused at first tho ill be honest it is overwhelming with how big the islands are (im on the second one right now i forgot its name:P) but ithink im getting the hang of it its SO FUN EXPLORING SOOOO FUN and i like how sonic even mentions he likes how muchcroom there is to explore … omg the characterization im not too sureabout for amy i dont know if its her voice or what but THAT IS NOT AMY ROSE! I always get sad when she is written as more mature i miss 12 year old amy…She is so sweet though i still love her forever.&knuckles is so silly i love seeing sonic knuckles interactions OMG jusy so happy to see sonic characters talking to eachother and being friends i LOVEEE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Also sage js so interesting i have no idea what is going on with her i didnt keep up with anything about the game before it released cus i didnt want spoilers but i like her. Very interedting veeeery interesting i like how they bring back phantom ruby stuff(i assume) along with lore established in sonic adventure i think it really ties the world together in a way i always craved im so hapoy they are building more on chaos and angel island and master emerald lore seriously … ALSO I LOVE THE DESIGNS FOR ALL THE CREATURES SO MACH OMG the koco are adorable i want keychains of them and in the second island the enemies are so sick oh mai god . … the little kocos true old form or whatever look like chaos mademe go nuts i got so excited i wonder wat it allll meaaansss…. Hopefully i will FIND OUT! Also the msyic so badass im so hapy after i finish the game i know i will be listening all the time its just too good>< i love how huge the game is too and there is socmuch you can do in it if you want to. Also im super into the weather and time changes i think it is so cool but makes you think sonic is staying awake for days and in the rain so gross he needs a shower .. I HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO SAY THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS ASK I HAVE BARELY TALKED ABIUT IT TO ANYONE Nothing beats sonic adventure though🤷♀️lets be real.actually i miss sonics adventure attitude wah but i think in frontiers it is kind of saying they are older and not so much kids anymore which could explain why amy is like that… still not into it personally but i always think its interesting to hear them acknowledge past events.okay im done.okay. ITS JUST SO COOL before it came out i kind of thought i would not apply anything in the game to how i view the sonic world in my head (cus thats how i feel about sonic forces LOL i just ignore it) but its surpriseing me how much i like it i havent liked a sonic games world building this much since sonic unleashed ... still i dont think frontiers will be like the basis of sonic for me but it gives super intruiging bits and pieces that i will hold on to forever in my brain. OKAY.i played at schol today in my math class its so hard playing in public cus i need to chill💆♀️OKAY IM DONE. okay but also like for me i usually dont really care much for new sonic stuff i like the old stuff wayyyy more but i agree this game is like a huge good step for the series GAH OKAY
#sonic frontiers spoilers#sorry if makes no sense this game RULES!#omg just so excited to see where it goes#I LOVE SONIC!
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Okay so, as some of you may know Ive been working on making subtitles for the german dub of Black Butler and Ive been having a lot of fun and I just got to the end of episode 3 and I realized "oh. oh boy I might have some trouble doing this huh" becuase. okay, see, when I watched this series for the first time it was because Ive heard of Sebaciel as a ship and it sounded interesting and so I watched it and I really enjoyed it. Soon after I entered this phase where I inexplicably thought the ship and the anime (I havent read the manga at the time) by association was insanely cringe ?? I dont remember why, but I do remember going to the local book store a few times and just seeing all of the manga lined up and like, wincing and looking away really quickly and just generally doing my best to ignore its existence. And like, I know that wasnt because of the age gap (I mightve been turned off from reading too many fanfics bc most of them dont/didnt age Ciel up but I didnt consciously register it as wrong or even weird at the time) bc my english wasnt good enough to hang out in the "main" fandom spaces (where most people speak english) and people in german fandom spaces just dont seem to have that kinda discourse so it never occured to me to think about stuff like that. But whatever, so I had this phase and after a while I was like "hey, I kinda forgot most of what actually happened in Black Butler, maybe I should rewatch and see if I still like it now that I thought Sebaciel was insanely cringe and then just kinda stopped caring about it for a while" and I really enjoyed it once again, EXCEPT this time I was basically like "man why does everyone only talk about Sebaciel (and yknow, all the Hot Guys ofc) when like, the plot outside of that is sooooo good?? people are so horny how embarrassing man". And THEN I rewatched it again like, a few weeks ago (and I also got the manga and I watched the musicals n shit its a full renaissance babey) and I once again really enjoyed it
So, my current "take" on Sebastian and Ciel is that I do not ship them romantically. however. I do think their relationship is incredibly fascinating and the "shippy" moments somehow make me lose my mind even more than when I actually romantically shipped them. Like, during this moment at the end of episode 3 where Sebastian repairs Ciels ring and goes "This ring is meant for your hand alone" I was fucking clawing at my keyboard like I Am Normal About This I Am Normal About This I Am Normal About This I Am Normal About Th and I could barely translate it so that was an issue
And then we get this closeup of Ciel and I just immediately snapped out of it because
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Hey. hey, buddy. why are you wearing those earrings to bed
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Evening to all :)
Time for the next part :)
Have a nice evening :)
CALL OF THE RAVEN
PART 10
I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.
When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“ „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head, to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..
When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off. I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything. My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“ „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“
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ok got my danger days palette and uhm!!!!!! i am not thrilled with the lipsticks.
first off i am irrationally and unreasonably upset that the fun ghoul lipstick isnt green like what. what the fuck everyone else got their color why isnt he green. is it bc its not a jewel tone or something? like emeralds exist. is it just bc people are scared of green. theres literally green in the palette. why. why isnt he fucking green make him green i want my green fucking lipstick fuck you
also they kind of feel horrible when i put them on like i know some liquid lipsticks espesially metallic or special finish ones can be really drying but they feel sooooo shitty when i put them on, and its kind of difficult to get them opaque like yknow when youre painting and you go backwards over a stroke u just made and it cuts a line through it instead of painting. the lipsticks do that and it makes it so annoying to try and put them on effectively like u need to wait for a first layer to dry and then do a second one. kind of annoying and it doesnt help that they also just feel like shit and im still so angry about fun ghoul not being green like what is the point. fuck you.
other than that the sets good, i like the liners they seem to be of nice quality, and i havent swatched the palette yet but the colors are exactly what i was expecting and look just as vibrante. nothing came damaged, the mousekat pin is nice, the extra pins that i spent $25 on are. not worth $25. like theyre not bad but i wouldnt have paid that much for them if i wasnt like dying and depressed when i made this purchase.
also im a little miffed that i had to email support to find out that there were even more shipping delays which meant mine was only shipped like towards the end of january and just got here a couple days ago (jan 28 or 29 i think). like its certainly nothing im gonna cause a fuss about but given the uncertainty of when things are gonna get places i wish i wouldve received an update.
there also the whole thing about the set existing in the first place, like im not gonna get mad at them for releasing merch i dont know what kind of contracts theyre under but idk. it feels a little off to me. if it was just the makeup collabs like ok thats kind of cool, expression and makeup have kind of been a part of their performance and image for a while and the colors are definitely unique and can be hard to find, so i like that aspect, but in combination with the other really shitty merch theyve been releasing.... idk. like the shitty masks on their webstore, the other kind of shitty merch on their webstore and the shirts on hot topics website that look like shit im so sorry theyre so fucking ugly. that one armyish green one is horrendous, the vaporwavy one isnt ugly its just so painfully generic and doesnt even read as an mcr shirt, the other ones look like strange slightly to the left twenty one pilots merch. im not a fan
#mcr#my chemical romance#mcr palette#hipdot#makeup#mcr x hipdot#mcr makeup#danger days#danger days palette#danger days makeup#hipdot x mcr#makeup palette#mikey.txt#mcr merch
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okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -
1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀
2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not
3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD
p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)
AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel
I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.
So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.
But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff
So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it
But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.
Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.
Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.
But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there
I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense
A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:
-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.
but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.
The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol
-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.
-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun
-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently
And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy
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the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot
the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!
1. planning
honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of
these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.
two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun
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for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night
2. creating
this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.
after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.
once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!
3. posting
i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more
ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!
thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all
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Im watching Supernatural
Sooooo I bet with my sister that if Destiel would be endgame I would watch Supernatural and a Im not longer shure if it is or not, I decided to watch Supernatural but not the all thing just the chapters that I feel like watching. Every Destiel blog said that I must watch since the 4 season so lets begin!!
4x01 Lazarus Raising
This is a horror show, thats a surprise, all the gifs that I had seen make it look like a supernatural drama, but the burning eyes of the vident are really scary, and the atmosfere is so dense and misterious.
Now, all this people are pretty chill about the resurection thing like, yeah Sam cried a little but... still.
I like how the brothers lie to each other with no problem what so ever, like shure bro I havent use my demon powers, what you thing that as soon you wouldnt be around I would be consumed by pain and go bersek pfff, I just chilling here.
I love the angel entrance, dramatic and beatiful, 10/10.
4x02 "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester"
This was great. So spooky and so many feelings, like damn I would see grown up men been consuming by their past mistakes all day.
Also I like how the eniviromental being agresible straight and manly in a way that you can say is a defense mecanism against the never ending horror movie that is the life of these Hunters.
So many deaths, like a lot of people die in the show.
Overall I love the parallel of the episode, all those ghost look vengefull and evil when they acused the Hunter of failing them and the viewer could see how they did all that they could even when its a self impost job and this come back at the end when Dean asked Castiel why god and the Angels don’t do more and Castiel said that they do all that they could. BAM! THat is good writting.
But also is very unrealistic, because be honest if Castiel, angel of the lord would show in your dreams, at night to talk to you at a inch of your face, al misterious and pretty the only question would be if they would prefer to sit down and if you could put a pillow under your knees.
4x03 In the beginning
An episode about the parents?? uugh I gonna skip this.
4x04 Metamorphosis
So I have to ask, why is a secret the secret society of Hunters?? It look like they had a method and a lot of well document evidence. Like a lot, and witnesess. Why don’t make a academic research field about this? Or a well trained carrer? Or a extra curricular subjet in schools? I think the common people would be safer with a little more of info. Maybe some farmaceutic would invent a damn drug so the poor people with the gen of a canibal worm wouldn´t need to go bersek, eat people and been burning alive. Im just saying this look like a big neglectic thing.
It made no sence.
Overall good episode. But Im with Sam in this, his powers looks like very cool and a little spooky, but werever he is helping people.
And I like Ruby, I hope nonthing bad happen to this demon gilfriend :).
4x05 Yellow Fever
Great concept, Dean is really relatable. But poor sad men who dies and never get rest, at least he kills his killer but god that was a dark aproach.
4x06 Monster Movie
This didn’t sound important so Im gonna skip it.
4x07 It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester
This is good old TV. Great mistery, moral dilemas, Sam beein disapointing of god, more demon powers, Castiel talks more and the pretty angel had doubs oooh my heart, also I love the Angel conspiracy, and are my eyes liying to me?? a non white alive talking character?? I cant believed.
This show is fun but paintfully white. And male.
Also I feel really conflictuated at how the show made fun of Dean for had queer expresions??? Like I think this could make the impresion that his clearly not cis straight identity would be trated at some point of the show.
So that´s all, I guess I would continued the show later.
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