#but it was sitting in a private dm and i thought someone in the void would enjoy it too

[blackpatrxnum]

(too many) thoughts and headcanons on life post mockingjay for hayffie and everlark

- it's just pure fluff with some hurt/comfort thrown in there, whoopsie -

Haymitch becoming Katniss' caretaker is so beautiful, I truly see him keeping sober after the war - maybe he bingedrank once back at twelve because the old demons are hard to chase away, but the next day when he sees Katniss depressed he realises he is far more useful sober. He had to take care of her, he still had a purpose. He is slowly helping her get better, maybe accompanying her to the woods for the first few times. He's just there

And even though Peeta goes back home, moves in with her, loves her, keeps the nightmares at bay... Haymitch keeps coming back, keeps making dinner for them, keeps going on walks, teasing, fussing a bit (it seems like he's learnt a lot from effie)

One time, when Peeta and Katniss both have influenza, Haymitch goes full doctor/dad mode - and for the first time, a highly feverish Katniss calls him dad. I'd see Haymitch stopping whatever he was doing for a sec and fight back at smile and then giving Katniss a kiss on her forehead and telling her a less charged version of stay alive.

Eventually, I think that Effie would come to 12. She'd move into Haymitch's house and at first, that feat would bring Katniss and Haymitch even closer. Effie was everywhere, she nagged and she prodded, she got on his nerves. So Haymitch sometimes runs away to Katniss' house, he took solace in the other's kindred spirit. They'd have a laugh, she'd let him bitch about her. She liked Effie but she didn't know her well enough yet. I think in these instances Peeta would be either at the Bakery or he just knew to let them have their time, he saw what they were to each other, how important they were for the other's well being.

But then, during the last months leading up to Prim's death anniversary, right around the time Katniss starts closing in on herself, getting broodier - moodier. Haymitch and Effie's relationship changes, after months of living together, learning their tricks and ticks; they fall in love, properly, absolutely. Haymitch gets lost on the high of the honeymoon stage. It also serves as a bit of a coping mechanism to keep the nightmares and horror from the war at bay.

It's not that he ignores Katniss, or Peeta for that matter. He's just... less aware, looks at everything with rose coloured glasses. After a long time, they are fine, content. The past is past.

Katniss feels like Effie is EVERYWHERE. She's the only one out of the three victors that isn't as happy with her presence. Effie loves Katniss, she considers Katniss as hers but Katniss isn't there... yet. (I feel like this would steem from her own relationship with her biological parents' - her dad left, he couldn't help it, he died but he always took care of her and her family, he taught her how to survive / SEE THE PARALLELISM WITH HAYMITCH TELLING KATNISS TO STAY ALIVE / but her mum... she abandoned her, from a young age, Katniss had to make do, she put bread on the table, she protected Aster and Prim, and her mom at the end, once again, CHOSE to leave her behind)

So yeah, Katniss is naturally wary of Effie, pair that with her Capitol self and it could be a recipe for disaster. At some point, they'd have a row - she says stuff that hurts Effie to her core - and Haymitch hates that. He tries to mediate but he gets "scalded". Katniss starts to avoid them, him. She gets worse. The demons are louder than ever.

And Haymitch two weeks into it, finally has to take matters into his own hands. They fight like they've never done before. Katniss yelling "You're not my dad" stops them in their tracks, 'cause at some point Haymitch really forgot. He just thought they didn't do the mushy shit and say it, there was no need for more acknowledgement after that feverish night. She was his to protect, she was his to care for, she was his to love.

It'd hurt him more than he'd let on.

They'd sulk, for a bit. Haymitch would storm out, but he'd also be the one to patch them up. I think they'd talk. It would go well, even though they're not such open books. They'd compromise. They'd acknowledge in the open air what they meant for the other. They'd move on. I think this would be the point when they start working on the Tributes book; because Katniss needs to do something with all the grief inside her. The woods and the happy family was not cutting it anymore.

And the four of them would sometimes get better, other times' they'd get worse. But they're always there for each other, like proper family. After sometime Katniss would leave behind the flight/fight mode. And yeah, life goes on.

I see her relationship with Effie getting better, to the point that sometimes she goes to her instead of Haymitch for stuff. Because she knows she won't leave. She learns to accept her flaws, she learns to love her happier and more optimistic demeanor. Effie also lets Katniss see, finally, the other side to her - the more human, vulnerable side that only Haymitch was privy to. Peeta's always seen through the cracks tho, so it doesn't surprise him as much. Peeta does know he's hers. Katniss learns to see herself as hers too.

And Peeta's and Katniss' wedding comes. They're forced to make a bigger spectacle than what they wanted to. Mama Effie and Papa Haymitch come to the rescue and fight to get them as much privacy as they can. Effie plans the whole thing to their liking.

I think she'd insist on adding a bit of Capitol tradition to it: the bride and the groom spending the night before the wedding apart. At first Effie would spend the night at Peeta's and Katniss' house, to keep him company in case he has an episode. And Katniss would go to Hayffie's. But Peeta makes a funny comment "It's not like you and Effie are getting married too, there's no need to make you suffer through the night alone" and Haymitch...just gets this little twinkle in his eyes. They accept with the promise that if Peeta has any troubles he'd come to them. So Katniss is the one that spends the night at Hayffie's.

They'd have a mostly quiet night in, Effie has more outward nerves than anyone else. The next day, Effie wakes Katniss up with her "big big day". But in a flurry she's gone to Peeta's, to make sure he gets dressed and is right on schedule. It also gives Katniss and Haymitch a bit of space to sneak out to the comfort of the woods for a bit. They make sure to come back before Effie catches them. She comes back to help Katniss get ready, she's teary eyed. Haymitch too, when he sees Katniss coming down the stairs. She looks soft, beautiful.

Effie leaves with Peeta, 10 minutes before them. Haymitch is in charge of getting Katniss to the justice building, that's when she asks him to give her away. And he does. The whole thing is perfect.

After an evening of partying, they bid their farewells. And go to have their private toasting. Peeta and Katniss want this part to be just theirs.

It's winter so at Effie's and Haymitch's the fire is roaring too. And she gets... curious; she's never been privy to that part of twelve customs so Haymitch takes the hands on approach and shows her how it's done. Effie understands what he's doing halfway through, Haymitch can see the recognition in her eyes. The slight stopping, the widening and surprise in her gaze. But she lets him go on, doesn't stop him even when he leaves enough space for her to make a run for it during the last part. He says wife, she says husband and she kisses him with all her fervor. All the love she has for him, all the love she's kept from him during their time as escort and victor.

She still makes him promise they'll have a proper party after a year.

They don't tell the kids what they've done tho. That ceremony is only theirs too.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I confronted my boyfriend about not feeling praised enough? Over dumb D&D shit?

Background - I (20s F) live with my boyfriend (30s M) and things are usually great. He's always been supportive, emotionally intelligent and caring and we've had no major problems. We met via D&D several years ago so it's pretty important to both of us, and I'm a DM. Before we met, he was involved in a years-long campaign with some friends and is generally more experienced in D&D than me (I've been DMing around 5 years, he's probably closer to 10).

The current campaign that I'm running is something I'm really proud of. It's a mid-length campaign and I made the story myself (I typically plan mine to be 6-8ish months to avoid things fizzling out) and I've tried really hard to step up my writing and story planning for this one.

I've put in a LOT of extra time and effort and have been holding myself to a much higher standard than I usually do. As a DM I get self-conscious over how much time people are spending with me each week, and I want to make sure it's REALLY worthwhile. And because my boyfriend is more experienced in D&D than me, I've been looking to him for feedback and/or praise, as it would mean a lot to me coming from him.

And I've been getting close to nothing. At the end of each session he immediately falls asleep and doesn't talk about it at all. It makes me feel like I'm keeping him up/boring him. So I started asking him things like "hey what did you think about how I handled X" and he'll give a brief response like "yeah it was great" without explaining anything.

He didn't even give much thought into the character he's playing either - for his old campaign he created a HUGE story for his character, background, goals, etc. I know for a fact he's an incredible creative writer and could have come up with something wonderful for this. But he didn't put down anything other than basic character sheet stuff. When I asked him about it, he says he only goes deep into character when it's "long campaigns like my old one" and "too bad a long campaign like that will never happen again. That's D&D at it's best but now we're all adults, and we're too busy to ever do that, half my friends have kids, it'll never happen again and it's so sad" etc etc.

It made me feel like shit - like anything I try to do is a waste of time and pointless compared to this legendary "old campaign". Like it's barely worth staying awake for, like it's some kind of chore he has to sit through every week just because I'm his girlfriend and he's just humoring me.

The other players have been EXTREMELY enthusiastic and supportive - they send me art they make based on the campaign after every session and have contacted me privately to compliment me on certain aspects of the campaign. I want to make it clear that this is NOT something I EXPECT, but moreso I just really really love and appreciate that they do this for me, especially while my boyfriend is kind of leaving a void where I'd want this kind of praise.

Full transparency, one of my worst fears is forcing people to play along with something that I am passionate about, but bores them to tears. I never want to make a big deal over something that means a lot to ME but doesn't mean that much to someone else. So maybe I should just let this go because, at the end of the day, it's just a game? And taking it so seriously makes me an asshole and I should touch grass? I feel like potentially starting a fight over stupid nerd stuff would be pointless on my end. But at the same time, the more we play the more I feel deflated and I really hate feeling that way. I'm not sure what to do tbh.

What are these acronyms?

[sweetpinkstylist]

Hello hello! I suppose I have made my active presence known so I should probably discuss the elephant in the room that you may or may not be aware of as I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. I hope to not be too controversial about it. ^^;

For those of you who don’t know, a post was made on the Love Nikki Facebook that, put simply, has asked fans not to rip the game’s content. Of course, I absolutely respect their motivations for that, that they do not want their content to be stolen and sold and/or put into other games without their consent, and I do not want to be the person giving access to the assets to unscrupulous people.

However, I enjoy making my own fan content with the assets, which I get absolutely no money from, and I would never want to out of principle, so I would likely continue to rip things for my own art projects (I know I haven’t been posting many lately, but I promise they do exist, I just don’t finish many lol). I’ve thought about just quietly keeping any rips I make to myself, but I know other people also like to make art using rips and also do not make or want to make any money from them, and I want to help these people if they aren’t able to rip assets for any reason because, you know, I want to help other fans have fun making their own art.

And, perhaps more pertinently, if someone really wants to put stolen assets in their own game, what’s going to stop them from figuring out how to rip the assets themselves and continuing with only a small bump in the road? I rip things from LN with only four programs, including an image converter and an image editing program. If someone as dumb as me can do it, I’m sure the people with enough technological know-how to make a game of their own can figure it out. How can I sit back knowing literally anyone with the know-how can steal and make money off of LN assets while fans just wanting to make pictures for personal use are unable to?

So...... Now what?

Well, first of all, I will still be making rips, and I will still be posting them in the same Google Drive folder. You are still free to download anything from the folders Backgrounds, Character Sprites, Other Images, and Suits and Items folders and use them to create free fan content.

However, there will be some changes to this tumblr of mine here. I won’t be posting raw rips, and any posts I make announcing rip updates (such as when rips from a new chapter are up) will be toned down to just text posts and will not be tagged to the fandom. I’ll be honest, this is mostly to avoid drawing attention to myself for my, uh....uncondoned activities. ^^;

Secondly, though, I’m going to be more cautious about giving rips for more specific things like items, to decrease the chances I’m just handing over an item that someone will slip into a for-profit game or as a part of an commission or something. Anonymous asks in general are perfectly welcome, of course, but I won’t be replying to anonymous asks for specific rips. I’m a bit nervous about this (by that I mean my anxiety is screaming atm but I’m pushing through lol), but I’m going to have to ask for....well, a bit of vetting if you’d like specific items for something. I want this to be as easy as possible for people who may be anxious about asking for something (believe me, I understand XD), but I’m going to have to ask for a couple things: 1) you can contact me via ask or DM, but keep anonymous off (if you send an ask, I promise I’ll reply privately), 2) I'll be suspicious of tumblrs that are suspiciously empty, so if you’ve been active on tumblr for any time at any point, you’re fine, I just don’t want to give things to people who have just made a blank account for the sake of getting past the anon requirement, if your tumblr is void of content with all default theme and avatar and such, I’ll just have a couple extra questions, and 3) most importantly, please tell me what you’d like to do with the image you want, and, if possible, just show me something of a similar type you’ve done (doesn’t have to be specifically LN, just any not-for-profit art you’ve made using other assets) just so I have some evidence you’re not just saying you’re going to make something you’re not. If you haven’t made things like that before but you want to start with LN and want to ask me for a specific asset for your first project, you’re free to show me, say, a screenshot of what you’ve done so I can still get a bit of evidence that you are telling the truth. Same basic rules apply if you want to ask for something for a friend who isn’t on tumblr, that’s perfectly fine, just, again, let me know what they’d like it for and show me some evidence.

Phew, I hope that’s not too intimidating. ^^; This isn’t a huge problem or anything, but I just want to sort of quietly keep sharing rips for fans while restricting the possibility of someone using me to make a profit off LN assets.

Also, if you’d like to start ripping from LN yourself, I can do my best to help, but I won’t be posting instructions publicly (also, I can’t remember all the steps to set everything up in the first place ^^; ), so just shoot me a DM (you can send me a non-anon ask if you really want, but it’ll be much, much easier to talk it through in a DM, so if you send an ask, I’ll send you a DM lol) and I can do my best to help you out. You can also hmu for my Discord since I actually have it on my phone and rarely pop onto tumblr nowadays. That goes for anything, really lol, if you want to chat to me about anything for any reason on Discord, you can ask for it. I’ve thought about making a LN-centric server where I can announce rip updates/just talk about LN with friends and y’all, but that hasn’t come to fruition because I’m indecisive. Feel free to let me know if anyone would be interested in that because I’ll probably be too nervous to go through with it forever if no one would want that. ^^;

Last note: I’ll be deleting some existing things from my Items folder in the next little while. This is a rather arbitrary decision, but you can ask again for anything I’ve deleted. What I’m going to delete vs keep is also going to be somewhat arbitrary, but....y’know, I’m going to do it.

I’m open to criticism or questions for clarification on this btw. Just don’t be mean XD I am soft. This is probably going to end up being an ongoing work-in-progress because I want to respect the dev’s wishes, but I also want to continue to make fan content and help other fans do the same since the “no rips” rule won’t stop unscrupulous people in the first place. New suits will be incoming to the drive folder in the next few days or so (Miku suits are already there as I ripped them from the jpn server a while ago).

Anyway, I’ve talked enough here. ^^; Hope y’all are enjoying your winter holiday(s) of choice!

[ask-elementalhermitcraft]

From The Bottom of The Deep Blue Sea

I’m sorry anon, I have concluded that I cannot write any kind of fluff without hurting them first :)

--

[Hurt/Comfort]

[Evil Xisuma, Joe Hills, slight mention of Xisuma]

Evil Xisuma has gone and gotten himself sick from a result of an adventure into a snow biome. What could possibly go wrong on a sick day?

--

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Drip.

Drop.

Who said a base in the middle of the ocean was a good idea?

Definitely not Evil Xisuma. He had gone into a snow biome recently to collect some snow, as that Xisuma had asked for some god who knows what project. And being the idiot that he was, he forgot to bring any armor or any extra layers of clothing. How does Iskall and stress live in ice spike biome all day? Geez.

The British man has been staring at the ceiling for a good hour now, he had immediately gone to bed after collecting all the snow and ice, feeling tired. He had thought nothing about the slight fever and tiredness he was feeling, thinking it was just him working too hard. Ex did not want to get up, did not want to move, or didn’t even feel like breathing right now. His nose is completely stuffed, he could barely breathe. He wants to call for Xisuma, but he is probably not here in the base. Besides, he probably won’t be able to hear him, as that Ex’s room is located in a small dugout cave behind the other’s storage system.

He shivered.

It’s cold back here.

His room was nothing but just small cozy space. It makes him feel safe and at home. He hasn’t been in the mood for any mega builds, and wouldn’t be for a long time. It feels like it’s all in vain.

But hey. At least he could spend his day sleeping-

Private Messages with Xisumavoid [Xisumavoid] Hey man, you feeling alright? I have been trying to open this one chest and it’s not workin

Oh. Ain’t that fun. Another negative side to his element.

[EvilXisuma] I’m fine, a bit sick though :-)

He stared at his device for a second. Expecting a response, instead, he sat there like an idiot for 5 minutes straight. Ex sighed. Heading back to sleep.

.

..

...

….

…..

Thunder. Ex stared in shock, there was so much going on. Someone was yelling his name. Who? He couldn’t tell. Everyone was yelling his name. Calling for help. He was out of breath.

Out of choices.

Out of words.

Out of options.

Out of time.

He felt something cold slip through him, fear. Is that what it is called?

Blood. Oh, so much blood.

There was enough blood to dye his suit red.

Someone screamed.

Was that him?

He could not tell.

The world crumbled.

Reality itself twisted.

The universe was determined to fix its mistakes. And that mistake was him.

It was all because of him.

He cried. Screamed. But no one could hear him. Only the void.

And if someone did. They did not respond.

…..

….

…

..

.

An aggressive knock hit the wooden door.

Ex woke up in shock. Breathing fast, his pillow was soaked in his tears, bedsheet covered in sweat. He pushed his palms into his eyes, tears were still running. He let out a shaken sigh, broken. It was not the first time, but he will never get used to it. Ex struggled to collect himself, he massaged his forehead. Brushing the multiple scars that are scattered across his face. He glanced at the door. Whoever this person is, they had stopped knocking, as he was just wondering who it was. A letter teleported into his lap.

Of course, it was Joe.

Xisuma probably called him here.

He opened the letter up, his hands were shaking beyond control. Ex carefully pulled the piece of paper that rested inside out and flipped it open.

Howdy Ex.

Are you feelin’ alright? Xisuma came down and asked me to check up on you. He was busy doin’ somethin’.

-Joe Hills

Ex wiped his nose on his sheet, it was gross, but he had run out of tissues next to his bed. Crying this hard probably wasn’t good for his stuffed nose. But did he have a choice? No.

He opened chat up on his device and quickly typed in a short DM to Joe.

Private Messages with JoeHillsSays [EvilXisuma] yea, I feel okay now, were you here at the door just a few minutes ago

[JoeHillsSays] That’s me! Joe Hills at your service! :-)

[JoeHillsSays] Another one of those. Huh?

[EvilXisuma] yea

This time, the knock on the door was a lot softer. Ex shakily stood up, his blanket trailing behind him, falling onto the floor.

He pulled open the door, spotting one of his only friends' face turns from cheerfulness to complete shock. Ex chuckled.

“I-” Ex laughed in between tiredly “-must look pretty bad, don’t I?”

“Oh, evil Xisuma…” Joe said softly, before putting down a dish of soup onto the ground nearby, and hugged him tightly.

Ex awkwardly hugged back flimsy, his arms tired and weak, and clung onto the southern man’s shirt. “Thanks, Joe, I could always depend on you.” He quietly said.

He remembered his timeline’s Joe. He helped everyone till his very last second.

Joe released from the hug, “Come on buddy, let’s get you back onto the bed.” He ushered the shivering mess of a man to the unattended bed and sat him down.

“Remember the exercises right? Sit up straight, close your eyes, roll your shoulders.” The kind southern man said, an attempt to comfort him. He walked outside and brought the soup in.

Ex breathed, Right, just do the exercises. He slowly collected himself, It was just a dream, it’s not real. It won’t haunt you. Not anymore. He relaxed. Everything was falling back in place. Nothing is wrong.

“Here. I got brought tea over too. Black tea, your favorite.” A small metal bottle was placed on the nightstand next to Ex’s bed, “Drink your soup, rest well, okay? I was in the middle of a project with Concorp, I don’t have that much time, we’ll take care of this next session? Alright?”

Ex smiled lightly, and nodded.

The room was silent again. As Joe quickly exited the way he came, he was left with his own thoughts.

He wasn’t alone. And that was good.

Maybe a certain ghost felt another way when the time comes.

[geminimoonbeamx]

The Lost Girl Chronicles Part 1: Hexs and Heartache

A/N: Soooo, this is a very random update from me. I know. But you guys know my love of Chase Collins and I thought I’d give you guys something because I know I’ve been in a writers drought and that’s not fair to y’all.

Word Count: 10k+

Warnings: Mature/Explict material. Smut from the get go. Talks of self doubt, that maybe be triggering. Sacrilegious themes. And everyone knows I have the dirtiest mouth and curse like a sailor.

Summary: You’ve been hooking up with Chase, secretly, since he moved to Ipswich. After a series of misunderstandings and even worse, miscommunications, you find yourself emerged in the dark underworld of Ipswich.

I wanna be your lover, I don't wanna’ be your friend. You don’t know what you got til’ it’s gone my dear, so tell me that you love me again- Noah Cyrus, Again.

-One Month Ago-

You whimper as your thick thighs lock around Chase’s lithe waist, his hips moving- plowing fast, your whole body swaying with his effort. 

“Oh god, oh fuck- Chase” You cry, one of your hands taloning at his shoulder and the other looking for purchase in the leather interior of his fancy car. At first, the narrow bench of a backseat had been daunting but the two of you had made due.

“You feel so good for me baby, shit, so tigh” He coos into the soft skin of your neck where he’s nuzzled his face. Where his hot panting breaths scold your flesh.

Baby. Oh, the way he says it…

It makes you clench around him and let out a sob as you feel a rush of adoration surge through you. The way he’s got you held in his big arms, your body feeling small in a way that was usually so foreign to you was hypnotic. Addicting. Felt so good that it still shocked you. 

You’d never known sex could be like this. That someone could be so animalistic, so passionate and yet so tender. Chase pulls his head from it’s place to look at you, his powder blue eyes enveloped by his dark, blown pupils.

He loves the way you look when your getting fucked. Your hair a mess around your flushed hot face. Your eyes wild and needy little sounds pouring like a river from your swollen mouth.

Your stare is desperate as his eyes that gleam like molten silver in the dark car fixes on you.

He has you at that point, the one where you know only he’ll be able to quell the almost terrifying feeling bubbling inside you.

“It’s okay pretty baby- you’re okay” His voice is soothing, is gentle but his thrusts aren't. He’s so deep inside of you, it’s almost as if you can feel him in your chest. “Come for me- do it. Fucking do it, Y/N”

He demands, you squeak and both of your arms go to wrap around him, as though he’s anchoring you to this realm.

When you reach your crescendo, its with a wail, your body tightening all over pleasure rushes through your limbs and then crashes over your pelvis in waves.

God, oh god. Only Chase can make you feel like this. Make you go off like a live wire. Make cosmos explode behind eyelids clenched shut so tight it almost hurts.

His hips start to stutter and you feel him go taught, his lips crashing to yours and kissing all the air from your lungs as he begins to come himself.

Chase is loud during his throws, you've learned. Vocal- moans and grunts. Broken little curses as his face screws up and he shoots off deep inside of you, nearly crushing you in his vice like embrace as he clings to your body for dear life. A tether in his sea of bliss.

When you both come down, he relaxes himself on top of you, lets himself be cradled by you, your pillow like curves welcoming. He doesn't release his hold of you either.

His head is resting on your bosom, and your fingers are training through his thick, messy mane. Fingertips massaging his scalp in a way that has him purring as he lazily laps at one of your large, puffy nipples.

It makes your back arch and you push him away “Fuck, stop!”

“Why?” That ever present mischievous glint in his eye is back, full forced “Feel too good? Is Miss ‘let’s go another round’ worn out?”

It makes you feel overheated, flustered and maybe a bit shy- and look away from him. Your sexuality, and its insatiable nature, was still pretty new to you. Still taboo and a little embarrassing, even though you know it shouldn't be.

“Hey” Chase untucks one of his arms from under you, so that he can grab your chin, grip it in that way he knows you love and make you look at him. “Hey, don't get like that. I love that you love to fuck- you know I do”

You roll your eyes, but you can't help the grin that stretches across your face.

He makes you feel so wanted.

“Well I think three orgasms is my max for the night. Especially in this car- fuck, could this back seat be anymore uncomfortable? I think your seatbelt buckle stabbed my spine”

At that Chase lets out a deep belly laugh and shakes his head as he leans up, his now limp member sliding out of you. You wince a shaky little sound escapes as you feel his seed dribble out from between your legs where you now gape, due to his rough fucking. You feel empty and a soiled and fuck, you hate this part.

Chase presses kisses to your cheekbones and you shake your head, glowering at him with as much heat as you can “You came inside of me again, you humongous prick!”

Again, with that laugh. The one he found himself emitting when you were around “I’m sorry”

He didn't sound sorry at all. He lays back down, after he’s cleaned himself up with his t shirt and nuzzles at your stomach.

You can’t help it, you still get so unsure when ever he goes near your tummy. It isn’t flat, not even a little. It’s big, covered in stretch marks and every guy you’d been with before had gone out of their way to avoid it...yet Chase tends to gravitate towards it. Likes to lay on you and grab at your sides and press kissed all over your middle. Says it’s soft and cute.

Makes you feel vulnerable, opened up to him like you’d never been for anyone else.

“I can tell” You deadpan, the matter of his cum inside you still at hand “I’m serious Chase, what if I get pregnant?”

Imagining a baby with his pretty eyelashes and dimpled cheeks isn't so bad...but imagining your dreams for the future- crushed by a teenage pregnancy? Yeah, not happening.

Your dad’s disappointed glare also flashes through your mind and that has you clenching your thighs and sitting up, totally turned off and dried up.

“Dont worry” Chase cajoles, reaching for you even when you try to slap his hand away “ I promise, we’re good”

For some reason you believe him. He made you feel so safe, and cared for. Adored and happy-

But only when the two of you we’re alone. 

That thought had plagued you ever since that rainy night in the back of his car weeks ago.

Yeah, Chase was friendly enough in public, at school. The two of you we’re chummy, that much was obvious. But he didn't kiss you in front of your classmates, never held your hand or whispered to you just how beautiful he thought you we’re like he did in those moments of solitude.

All you got we’re shared looks and smiles. Friendly hugs and pats on the shoulder-

And lately, well lately you haven't got much of anything. Chase had been distant, spending all of his time with is “new best friends” aka the “Sons of Ispwich and co”- co being their girlfriends. One of which you’d watched flirt with him like crazy mere months before. You clearly remember the looks Kate had given across the bonfire at the Dells.

Ever since the ‘Fall Fest’ and the whole debacle of Putnam barn burning to the ground- Caleb harrowingly saving both Chase and Sarah from a fiery death, it seemed he was attached at the hip to the raven haired ‘Son’.

You tried your hardest not to be jealous. He was making friends, and that was good right? You shouldn't be a bitter bitch about it, right?

But why was he ignoring you... Blowing you off at every turn? The two of you hadn't slept together in a month and a half- hadnt gotten together to hang out and share a spliff in his car, or taken the long night time drives that had turned into something like a lullaby to you.

The low hum of the radio and Chase behind the wheel was hypnotic and you longed for that sense of contentment. As though the world around you, outside of the car was null and void and only you and Chase and the little bubble the two of you created existed.

But every time you tried to get a hold of him, reached out- you got the same answer. He was busy.

Chase: I’m sorry, babes. Maybe another time? I’m really busy right now.

Mostly all of the texts you’d received from him lately looked similar and honestly your spirits we’re past dampened.

You we’re bummed as hell.

Because you really liked him, and yet he seemed to be shaping up to be like every other guy you’d ever encountered. The cycle that you’d been through various times seemed to be repeating itself with him and it honestly terrified you.

You we’re his secret.

The girl who was pretty enough have sex with, to lavish attention on in private- but too fat to claim in public. You just weren't desirable, you’d deduced a long time ago.

You were not what guys wanted- at least not to the world.

Through Dm’s and texts- mobilized and in the shadows? Yeah, you got hit on all the time. You were fully aware you had a “pretty” face. But bringing the big girl out and around your friends? No teenage boy your age had grown the balls needed to claim someone like you.

And now he was probably sick of you. Over the little “tryst” and trying to let you down gently.

It hurts so fucking bad, even though you try to deny it. To go about it as though you we’re okay, with smiles and jokes. Ignoring the ice prick like pain in your stomach all the while.

Your friends can see right through it though.

Fall had come swift to the small New England town of Ipswich, painting it in hues of golden amber and rust, leaving everything feeling homey and quaint...

And cold- the chill seemed to have swirled in with the wind and the mornings were frosted with frozen dew.

The first snowfall would be any day now.

But for now, nature was content with rain. The frigid kind that was practically snow, but seemed to melt before it hit the ground and just left everything soggy and freezing. The walk through campus from the dorms to the main building, though it short, was torturous and you found yourself longing for the warmth of your bed long into third period.

You we’re already grouchy- the cold plus the early hour had your face stone like. A natural pout etched onto your features. Really, you we’re just resting it, but you’d been told that it looked like you we’re plotting serial murders when you weren't smiling.

How exhausting. Being expected to wear a smile all the time, in the hopes of appeasing people.

The day goes on as it usually does;  droningly. Your eyes droopy as you listen to your professors, as your hands seem to work of their own accord to scribe out notes. It’s utterly mundane, normal-

You we’re longing for something to break the mold. To rip you from your funk-

Until you over hear something that makes your heart sink into your chest...lower and lower until you’re scared it might fall out of your ass and onto the linoleum floor of the girls bathroom you’re in and you curse yourself for not accepting mundane.

You had just been minding your own business, emptying your bladder before study hall, when Kira Snider and Coco Lindell had walked in.

“I’m so done with Aarons shit- he’s such of good for nothing dick. You heard his father's firm going under? Didn't you?” That was Kira, the naisaly quality of her voice distinct.

“Psht” Coco had said back “His father's firm? More like a bunch of half cocked DA’s who got a decent loan and thought they we’re going to make it big. Their biggest client was some mayor- in Jersey. Pshtttt, bitch”

You had smirked silently, but felt a little odd listening into their conversation from behind a restroom stall. You felt  like a creep but you’d waited too long now- might as well just continue to wait it out until they left.

You regret it, sorely. Wish you would have gotten up and out the moment they’d come in because their conversation soon turned to Chase- and you'd been forced to listen to them talk about the guy you’d been gaga over since the day you’d met him.

Your heart being ripped to shreds with each word spoken from their painted mouths-

“He looks like such a good fuck. Like you can just tell. Boys with baby faces usually are packing the biggest-”

“Coco!”

“What? I’m serious. You should totally fuck him when he takes you out this weekend. Prove me right”

-In silence. On the toilet, a hand clasped over your mouth to keep in the sounds that so desperately tried to escape your throat.

When they’d finally left the bathroom, completely unaware of you and the breakdown they’d caused- you’d exited the stall, catching a glimpse of your mascara tear stained cheeks in the mirrors.

It made your stomach roll and you'd ran the sink, using folded up damp paper towels in an attempt to wipe away the evidence of your heartache.

Your furious scrubbing at your eyes had left you appearing racoonish for the rest of the day. 

“You look especially pleasant today” Adrian says as he sits down at the chair across from you at the table you’d found in the crowded library.

It just takes one glance, your big eyes meeting his for what seemed like to seconds for him to frown, his playful atmosphere instantly turning more serious, curious.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

He really did know you too well- which was to be expected considering the eleven year friendship you shared. He was your best friend, the person who knew you better than anyone. And of course he’d been privy to your “situationship” with Chase. Hell, he’d been there when you’d met the guy-

So as you pour out the details of what you’d over heard; of Kira and her rebound with Chase.

Of the dates they’d been on.

Of how she wanted to sit on his face until he drowned,

how much she loved the same stormy eyes you did.

How they we’re going to the towns annual Thanksgiving parade together. The one that you’d been desperately, pathetically, stupidly, hoping he’d accompany you to.

Adrian absorbs it all, shaking his head. Frowning, his face scrunched up beautifully even though he was so obviously distressed that you seemed to be so devastated about it.

“Bullshit. No way? Kira, really?” He makes a very distasteful gesture with his tongue that looks like a gag “How foul- I thought he had better taste than that”

You just nod, trying to focus on your Psychology paper, on the words. Hoping to distract yourself, even if just a little bit. Just enough to keep you from letting your emotions bubble back up to the surface.

“Listen, boo- I know you like him. Like way more then I think even you realize, but I think you should kick his trifling ass to the curb”

Of course, you shake your head. That was Adrian's logic- life was too short to take bullshit. He’d taken it all throughout his childhood, taken verbal(and physical) beatings for just...being. He’d grown, and was still growing, into someone so unapologetically himself- that he hoped it would one day rub off on you.

“You deserve more then some guy who only calls you to fuck. And yes, said fucking might be amazing, but is it worth it? Worth getting blown off and feeling like garbage? Have some sense of self worth, Y/N” He could also be blunt, so blunt people mistook it for rude.

And sometimes, he was rude.

“Fuck you” You shoot at him at that. Already defensive and raw from the bathroom debacle “I do have self worth”

“I’d hope so! You’re an amazing person- and yeah, I might be biased but if vaginas were my thing I’d totally make you a 50’s breeding machine house wife” He says casually “I just don’t get it- Kira? Why?”

“Why wouldn't he? She’s everything guys like him want”

“Which is what, pray tell?” Adrian folds his arms on the table and gives you a serious look.

“Well she’s rich as shit, there’s a starter” You point out and he rolls her eyes, but he can't deny you there. Kira is rich as shit. Her father owned dozens upon dozens of car dealerships.

Sleazy ran in the family apparently.

“What is he into other then that? Her faulty nose job that makes her look like Will Ferrell?”

You snort. Usually neither of you were the type to tear on your fellow woman- but Kira was a special case. Venomous and vain and out rightly nasty, you really didn't have anything nice to say about her other then the face that she wasn't as stupid as people painted her to be, and-

“She’s what all guys want; thin and pretty and white. Of course he’d go after her, Adrian” you let it out with a sigh, defeated sounding.

And even though Adrian spends the rest of the hour lecturing you on self love, and how wrong societies form of “european beauty being the norm” was, all things you knew, you felt torn down and tired for the rest of the day, battling the Friday afternoon, more than ready for the weekend that you knew you’d most likely spend the entirety of moping. 

You see Chase, standing with his friends- flocked at the benches outside after the school day is over.

He smiles at you- waving.

Looking friendly and open, as though he hadn't been treating you like utter shit. Betraying you- using you as a quick fuck while he took other girls on dates. Leading you to believe that maybe, just maybe he liked you...all the while pursuing Kira.

You just frown, hard, at him for a fraction of a second, not waving back or acknowledging him before you turn to your friends. Walking away, leaving him feeling a little confused at your reaction.

“Rejected” Reid sniggers, all of them having seen the exchange and Chase glares at him, but accepts the hash pen from the blonds nimble fingers.

“That was weird. Y/N is always so friendly” Sarah interjects, leaning against Caleb “I was actually just talking to her during first period and she seemed fine?”

Chase shrugs, tries to physically shake it “I don't know”

“She’s cute” Tyler chimes and funny, it’s the one called “baby boy” by all who always seems to be the most mature. Who doesn't care that he could be ridiculed for calling the fat girl cute “Arent the two of you still messing around?”

Chase doesnt like this, this conversation that circled around him. He’d been raised to be secretive and it all made him uncomfortable.

“She has a nice ass- of course he’s still talking to her” Pogue deduces and Kate just nods in agreement before adding, “Kardashian fat without the needles. Lucky bitch”

God, those two had the oddest relationship.

Conversation soon drifts from talks of you, but his mind doesn't. Swirling thoughts of your frown, of the way your eyes that were usually clear and bright had clouded...and then hardened in a way he’d never seen.

He knows something is wrong when later that night he shoots you a text, and you dont reply. Not fifteen minutes later. Not an hour-

After three hours he realizes he’s not getting a reply and he falls into a restless sleep. 

Saturdays’ chaotic all day, the Covenant meeting with Caleb's uncle who also happened to be the towns mayor. There was a demon, another one, on the loose that needed to be taken care of. That leads to the rest of the day being bled away in the Danvers family carriage houses’ basement which doubles as an ancient witchcraft filled library.

Its like homework, more stacked on top of his already towering pile from school. He reads ancient texts until his eyes cross and they’re all begging Caleb to have mercy on them and give them a fucking break.

He’s been texting you all day. Or at least trying to. He hasn't been able to get a hold of you- all of his messages opened and read, and yet left unreplied

Chase: Hey:)

Chase: I feel like I haven't hung out with you in forever, I’m starting to miss you

Chase: I know your starting to miss me too

Chase: ? Y/N?

He’s composing his fifth text of the last few hours when Caleb shakes his head.

“What?” Chase snaps at him. He could be so condescending sometimes and it always set off Chase’s temper.

“She still hasn't replied to you yet? What did you do to her?”

Caleb's voice always has that...sage quality to it. Like he’s going to help you fix all your problems and it, too, drives Chase crazy. Like his newfound “brothers” felt the need to baby him. God forbid he loose it and try to steal everyone else's powers again.

“I didn't do anything” Chase hisses at him and that earns him chuckles from all the men in the circular, dungeon like basement.

“Translation: I totally fucked up and I just don't know where yet” Pogue teases “Tell her your sorry, give her a coupe orgasms and order pizza and she’ll start to get over it...What? It always works with Kate”

Chase frowns at that. You weren't Kate though, didn't love drama. You’d just tell him if you were upset, wouldn’t you? Communication was your key- what you seemed to thrive on.

“She’s not like that- She’d tell me if I’d pissed her off”

There's groans, and chuckles and “Aw man’s” at his statement and Chase is starting to hate this whole having coven assigned brothers thing already.

“No, she’s a woman, dude. It doesn't matter, this is just how they tick. You’ve gotta’ suck it up and apologize- not just with head and pizza” Caleb interrupts his advice by giving Pouge a pointed look “but by really talking to her- I mean, that is if it’s worth it to you. If you’re really into her”

And Chase is. He knows he is. He also knows that his life has been taken over by the supernatural and he hasn't gotten to spend a lot of time with you as of late, but that last night in his car seemed to be on a loop in his head.

He missed your fingers in his hair and they way that you made him laugh.

Chase pursed his lips and shrugged and Caleb rolls his eyes and goes back to his research.

“Real shit, girls really aren't that complicated. All they want is to feel valid. Like they matter, like they’re not getting screwed over or played stupid and honestly- you’ve been spending so much time with us lately that I highly doubt you’ve spent any with her.

And on top of that, you treat her like she's just a homie at school- you’re so frigid with her that you might as well fist bump her next time you see her.

I wouldn't have any idea the two of you fuck around if we weren't friends, you keep it that low key. So yeah, wouldn't you get pissed?” That sonnet, that explanation of the female perspective comes from none other then Reid Garwin. He really wasn't the fuck boy womanizer everyone thought he was...or maybe he was- but he had a gooey center. Romantic as fuck at heart.

Cupid in the flesh.

The guys all stare at him for a moment, silent and big eyes. Like what he was saying was more complex and harder to grasp then the Ancient texts they were reading.

“But pizza helps too, I swear” Pogue is an idiot.

And apparently so is Chase. 

His texts, and then calls, go unanswered all weekend, and he’s not used to the rock like lumps he feels in his throat everytime he picks up his phone and sees that it has no notifications. Your name void from the screen of the device.

Even though he knows you have your phone in hand. He checks your snapchat and spots that you’re out with your friends, dinner and a movie. Joking and smiling and fine…

When he tries to check your other social medias, see if your Facebook(and he hasn't even logged on to the app in weeks, since his life had turned into a real life episode of ghost adventures) had any clue to as why you seemed to be pissed at only him, he’s gobsmacked to learn that you’ve unfriended him.  He stares at the ‘Add friend’ element on your page until his eyes burn, trying to ignore the way he feels like he’d been slapped across the face.

His confusion turns into haughty anger. Because he’s Chase fucking Collins and girls had always flocked to him. And he really thought the two of you had some sort of...he doesn't know. Psychic bond? He’d never talked to any girl like he talked to you. Never came as hard as he did when he was inside of your tight, wet cunt.

The thought of you and your sex makes his eyes roll into the back of his head and he bites the top of his phone case as he thinks about it. About how much he misses your soft body. The round belly he loved to cradle- your breasts. Huge and welcoming and perfect to bury his face in when the world was just too much for him. Your thighs that you hated but that he loved to slide between-

When a chirp comes from his phone he has it pulled up close to his face at a shamefully fast pace, hoping that you’d finally come around. That this had all just been some weird misunderstanding and-

His spirits fall and his lips pull down into a frown as soon as he sees the name on the screen.

Fuck, he hisses, annoyed.

He should have never given his number to Kira at that party a few weeks ago. But he’d been drunk and she’d been so flirty and...well, he was a teenage boy. He never claimed to be perfect. Actually, he was far from it.

Kira was hot, no doubt. Redheaded and petite...but she was annoying as fuck an had a mean streak that made his look miniscule. He really wasn't interested and she didn't seem to get that. He kept running into her everywhere, and it was a rare day that he didn't get some kind of message from her.

Tonights was her offering up a midnight meetup-

Kira: I’m lonely. Let’s hang out later? I stay up late ;)

Chase frowns. Yeah, his dick is already stirring, and hasnt been touched since almost a month ago- but the idea of having late night hangouts with anyone but you is almost sacrilegious to him. He couldn't. He wouldn't...late nights in Ipswich we’re for long drives with you, blunts burning and conversations flowing. They were therapeutic and happy…

And fuck he missed you so much.

“If that’s worth it to you” he hears Caleb’s voice in his head “If you’re really into her”

And Chase has known that he’s liked you since...well pretty much since he met you but this feeling he gets is something different.

He really...he really needs to get a hold of you.

He sends you a few more messages, completely ignoring Kira’s in turn, and when he doesn't get a reply- just like he expected he wouldn't, he’s jumping up from his bed, rummaging for his shoes and his keys.

The weekend had been brutal for you.

You hadn't really realized just how deeply your feelings ran for Chase until they had been stomped on, and your heart felt achy and strained. You’d spent all friday night sobbing, happy that Reyna, your roommate had a little kick back to attend so that you could sob your heart out in peace.

“Are you sure? I can stay?” She had always been so sweet, and you we’re happy as hell to be rooming with someone you not only could stand, but actually liked.

You’d sniffled, eyes red rimmed and forced a smile that looked more like a painful grimace.

“No, please. One of us needs to get cute and have a good time tonight. Go- have fun. I’ll be fine. Really”

You we’re far from fine. You’d never really cried yourself to sleep before; life had been kind enough to you in your young years that you didn't feel the need to-

Movies romanticize that shit, intensely. There’s always the pretty heroine main character who gets her heart broken, sobs herself to sleep and then in the morning is fine-

You fell asleep, hard. Stiff. With tears still falling steadily down your cheeks, your neck, and into your shirt. The blankets pulled up over your head.

And woke up feeling like a corpse. Like you had been hit by a motherfucking freight train. Your face was swollen, and your nose stuffy. Your sinuses screamed at you and were congested to hell and back. Your shoulders hurt and as you sat up, wincing at the sunlight your head pounded.

No one ever told you that crying for ten hours straight felt akin to a Mad Dog 20/20 hangover.

Adrian had showed up that day, and along with Reyna and a bucket load of snacks and an order from that new health cafe in towns circle (because you were dehydrated as fuck from crying your body weight in tears. Who knew?)

You slowly started to regain your motor skills after your body is filled with green juice and poppyseed bagel.

Still, your head was laid in Adrians lap and you made him feed your favorite flavored pringles.

Your phone had been steadily beeping all day, and each was a new text from Chase. At first you refused to even look at them, trying your hardest to zone them out, but then curiosity got the best of you. The need to see what he had to say overpowering you.

He’s so nonchalant it makes you mad. Furious. Stabs of anger over the already painful throws of betrayal caused the pain you're feeling.

He tells you he misses you, and that he knows you miss him and your upper lip curls.

“He’s such a fucking prick” You glare at the texts and Adrian and Reyna share a look.

This is what you did, frequently. You weren't comfortable being sad, depressed...vulnerable. So you raged. Because anger was an emotion you were actually comfortable exploring.

And rage you did.

On Chase. On the situation. And then on yourself. Because what a fucking idiot. You’d been so stupid.

You do petty, irrational things like unfriend him on facebook and erase the couple pictures of the two of you you had on instagram.

You can't bring yourself to go through with deleting the picture that you’d snapped in his car.

It was a dark night and the two of you had drove to the middle of nowhere; you'd managed to get an aesthetically pleasing picture of the burning blunt, the bottom of Chases handsome smiling face in the background. His perfect jaw and white smile. The dimple in his chin more pronounced than ever.

You hate how much you miss him.

Chase sends you twelve texts and calls you over five times over the course of the next few days but you ignore them all. You almost break, a couple times.

Chase: I know I must have done something wrong? Can you please just answer me so we can figure this out? Please?

And for anything else, you think yeah. Maybe you could have figured it out. You could have figured out the fact that he ignored you for a month. That he blew you off at every turn. That you’d sucked up your pride and all but begged for even ten minutes of his time, just to have him deny you.

You could have figured out the fact that he was keeping you a secret. That he pretended he hadn’t had his tongue in your pussy when you were at school- that you two were just good friends.

But Kira? Him messing with other girls? While he ignored you….

It was just too much. You’d taken too many blows to your self worth and you couldn't do it anymore.

Adrian and Reyna are godsent and make it their responsibility to keep you busy. Force you to shower and get ready; even if it is only a sweatshirt and a pair of furry slides. You go see the new Seth Rogen movie and eat at your favorite little mediterranean place in the town over, the one where Adrian gets flirty enough with the waiter and scores you guys a couple rounds of house blend margaritas.

You didn't want to do anything in Ipswich, for fear of seeing him.

The weekend actually goes by quickly. Too quick. You dread school on monday where your avoidance of Chase will inevitably be harder. Where you’ll see Kiras smarmy face in your Biology class and think about the two of them and what they spent their “date” doing. 

Sunday night is calm.

You and Reyna are pressed together in her bed. Lounding and draped in plush blankets as your laptop that is propped up by pillows plays episodes of Game of Thrones. Somehow your friend had fallen behind, and you being the huge nerd you were, were more than willing to catch up on the season she’d missed.

Your phone chimes, but it’s across the room on your desk and you figure it’s either a Facebook notification or another bullshit message from Chase so you ignore it. It’s getting late anyway, and you’re far too comfortable and warm to get up and journey over to check it.

About a half an hour later when you hear quiet knocking at your door you and Reyna both look at eachother, the light from the laptop and the noise of a gory battle in the background.

“It’s like 11:30” she announces the obvious and you fight the urge to roll your eyes as you get up and pad over to see who it is.

Probably Brenda- the hall manager of the floor. She could be a little neurotic and take her “job” a little too seriously. Probably making her rounds, a second time to make sure lights are out.

You step up on your tiptoes to peak out of the small window like port above the door and what you see causes your whole body to freeze up.

The air in your lungs gets stuck and you literally go immobile. Eyes wide and your mouth falling open, before you crouch down- hoping to not be seen in the foggy glass panes.

“Y/N! Who is it? What’s going on?” Your actions had sparked fear in Reyna who jumps up and hurried beside you. You really needed to stop letting her watch all those serial killer documentaries with you.

“It’s Chase” you whisper frenziedly to her, from the ground.

“Chase?! Oh my god, he’s here?!” Why does she sound a little excited? Wonder mixing in with her shock.

Also, why the hell is she so loud?

“Yes! Shut the fuck up! Shut up!” You glare up at her, slicing your finger to your mouth as you signal for her to be quiet.

She shakes her head , but at least now she speaks in a whisper “Y/N, he knows your here. We have to answer. I’ll answer it-”

“No!” You shake your head.

“Yes- go like hide and i’ll say you’re not here and-”

You just keep shaking your head.

Maybe he’d leave? You knew he knew you were here, but maybe he’d think the two of you we’re asleep and he’d go and you wouldn't be forced to face him-

“You guys do know I can hear you right? These walls are paper thin” Chase’s deep, even voice sounds from outside the door and another wash of dread makes you close your eyes. This was NOT happening.

“Y/N...please just talk to me” He sounds so...forlorn. Tired. Pleading. It physically hurts to hear his voice.

“I think you should hear him out. Or I mean, at least say what you need to say to him” Reyna advises, her honey eyes comforting as she urges you to do what you know you need to “Plus he’s going to wake up Brenda and get us all demerits and I am not down for detention”

You sigh. Knowing she’s right. You we’re going to have to put on your big girl panties and face the guy who had tap danced on your heart, and although it sucked, you didn't really have another option.

You wanted to crawl into bed and bury yourself under your comforter, but instead you stood up, trying to straighten your old, oversized sweater.

You’d imagined confronting Chase a lot in the past few days- but none of those fantasies where you we’re a boss bitch and told him how badly he’d fucked up included you being in your favorite pair of flamingo pajama pants.

You took a deep breath and opened the door, cracked it really, to where only with half of your body visible as you peeked out into the dark hallway.

Chase was standing there. Hands in his pockets, looking at you with those blue eyes that seemed to catch all of the residual light in the corridor. He looked...tired. His body seeming to both tense and relax as you came into view.

“Uh...Hi” He greets softly, the side of his mouth pulling up. Yours stays in a frown.

“Chase? What are you doing here? It’s after curfew-” you start in, your tone unamused, crossed.

“I know, I’m sorry. I just didn't know how else to get a hold of you” He interupts, trying in vain to quell your annoyance “I really needed to talk to you”

“I really dont think there’s anything we need to talk about” At your words his face contorts up. In confusion, and blatant hurt.

“What? Y/N, what the fuck is going on? I think we have a fuck lot to talk about, actually. How about the fact that you’ve ignored my messages all weekend?” His voice is raising, and you sush him. He really is about to wake up your dorm supervisor and you tell him so.

Chase sighs, he’s not going to wake up anyone. He’d put a concealment charm on the entirety of the hall- save your room of course. No one could hear anything going on outside their rooms at the moment.

But of course he can't tell you that. There's so much he can't tell you and he hates it.

“Okay fine. You’re so worried I’m gonna wake someone up? Let's go for a drive, we can talk in my car…” He knows he’s going out on a limb even asking you that but he cant help how badly he hopes you’ll say yes.

He begs whatever celestial deities there may be that you’ll agree. Because fuck, he didn't realize how much he missed you. Your hair is messy and undone and your face is free of makeup and you look so damn soft in your pajamas...at least what he can see of you.

You’re still peeking out from behind your door.

You shake your head and look down “I can't”

“Why not?” He’s got that edge to his voice again. That one that’s near pleading “Y/N...I promise we’ll just talk, and drive. And maybe smoke a little bit- but that’s all, okay?”

You knew what he was saying. That he didn't come here for sex, because most of the time that’s what you’re late night drives lead to.

You really want to say no. You wish you were strong and resilient. Like Adrian. You wish you were the bad ass woman you we’re in your head, that you could tell him no and slam the door in his face and be done with it.

But you’re not, you’re just a teenage girl and you huff, tell him to wait a minute as you grab a jacket and slip on a pair of moccasins and tell Reyna you’ll be back soon.

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” She wonders as your shuffling into your shoes.

“No”, but you grab your phone and M.K purse anyway. 

You end up in Chases passenger seat as he drives down the winding back roads, and it’s somewhere you’ve been so many times and yet...it feels so different tonight.

You keep your arms folded over your chest, leaning against the door, as far away from him as possible. Wondering why the fuck you’d come with him in the first place.

The vents blow out warm air and music plays softly from the sprakers, and yet the atmosphere couldn't be more frigid.

You hadn't spoken more than one word answers to him since your room and now you weren't speaking at all. He’s taken aback by just how mad you are at him. You’d never been so cold to him and he really doesn't know how to manage it.

He lets you stew in your silence until he pulls up at a clearing in the trees. It faces a little field and can't be seen from the main road. The two of you had found it a couple months ago when school had started.

He stops the car, shifting the gear into park. His hands are still on the wheel, gripping it anxiously as he tries to figure out what exactly to say to you.

“I uh- I’m sorry” That seems like the right thing to say, but you just scoff and tighten your arms around yourself.

“I really am. I know I’ve been distant lately and that hasn't been fair to you...but I wasn't doing it because I’m not interested in you, or seeing you, anymore”  Chase sounds nervous, and it’s a far cry from his usaul cock sure dispositon “My life has just gotten really...fucking messy and I didnt mean to make you feel like I didn't want you in it anymore”

You can't help it, something in you snaps. He really is a fucking piece of work, really thinks he can play you. “Want me in your life? How? Like this” You gesture to the car, to the darkened woods outside “Calling me up in the middle of the night and fucking me in the woods when your bored and horny? I get it, you’re ashamed of me. You’re not the first guy whose don't this shit to me, but I’m done”

“I’m not ashamed of you, Y/N” He tries to reach for you, your words making him wince, but you pull away from him. Shaking your head, vehemently.

“No don't. Don't say that. Don't lie to me anymore. You are ashamed. Fucking the fat girls not good for your reputation, right? No. No I get it. I wouldn't want to embarass you in front of your friends” there  are unshed tears in your eyes and your voice keeps breaking, straining as you try to keep from letting them fall “Why don't you just keep screwing around with Kira and leave me alone”

There is so much there for Chase to digest that he doesn't know where to start.

“First off, don't say that shit. I’m not embarrassed of you, and I could give a flying fuck about my reputation” He spits the word incredulously. You had no idea just how bad his “reputation” really was. No idea the horrible shit he’d done. He couldn't care less about what his school yard peers thought of him.

“And secondly screwing with Kira? What? I barely know her”

“That’s great. So you’re fucking some girl you barely know...I let you inside of me without a condom, Chase. I never do that! You know you’re the only one I’ve ever done that with and now I’m-” you take a pause, to breathe through your nose in an attempt to calm down “Now I’m a little freaked out about what you could have given me”

Again, he feels like you’ve slapped him. Fuck. How is it that you’re able to wound him, by doing so little?

“I couldn't give you anything because I haven't been with anyone since we started fucking” He’s upset. It shows, he sounds pissed and you hate it.

But also...a sick part of you loves it.

Good. You hope he’s feeling even a fraction of the bad you’ve been feeling for weeks.

“You dont have to bullshit me, I already know about you and Kira, no thanks to you. It’s whatever at this point”

“There is no me and Kira so whatever you think you know is false. And whoever you’re getting your information from has fucking sucky intel” He hates this small town and this tiny school full of gossiping simpletons.

Was this why you we’re so upset with him? Because you thought he had something going with Kira?

“Actually I heard it from Kira herself so one of you is obviously lying” You’re defensive still. Unbelieving and closed up.

“And you really think it’s me who's lying? After everything? I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else...and you think I’d look you in the face and lie to you about Kira fucking Snider?” Chase’s own voice cracks, he’d told you about his childhood. About his shitty abusive adoptive father.

It makes you bite your bottom lip, hard.

You don't know what to think. How to feel. What to believe. So you tell him about what you’d overheard in the bathroom, not sparing any details and he listens in pure disgust.

He can tell you dont believe him and that really sucks. Really hurts him. “I’d believe you over anyone. Anytime. You wouldn't even have to say anything- I’d never take someone else's word over yours”

“That’s so unfair! And you know it” You’re trying to stay mad, you really are, but the tears in your eyes that are starting to leak aren't from anger “You basically ignore me for over a month, and okay your life's been stressful, but I’ve been here. Begging you to open up to me. What am I supposed to think, Chase? I know you don't want to be with me...you make that obvious enough. But I feel...you make me feel...so much”

For as eloquent as you usually are, you can't manage the words. Can’t form the sentences. Are there even words, for what you feel when you’re around him?

“I’m sorry, baby. Please don't cry” He whispers as he reaches for you once more. This time you don't yank away, but you also don't melt into his embrace like you usually do.

You’re stiff, as you harsly wipe at your face. Smearing the tears away as they fall.

His own eyes sting at seeing you like this. “I don't want Kira- I don't want anyone else but you”

You squeeze your eyes closed and he gives your thigh a reassuring rub “I do want to be with you Y/N. There’s nothing about you that I’m ashamed of”

“Bullshit” You hiccup. It’s honestly easier for you to believe that he was screwing Kira then that he wanted to be with you.

“Why? Why do you say that?”

“Because guys like you don't end up with girls like me. This is real life and that’s just not fucking possible” You croak the words and he sighs.

He knows, although you really do keep a pretty good lid on it, the self doubt you harbor. The way you see yourself...how conscious you are of you body. Of everything about yourself.

“Girls like you?” It’s a rhetorical question and you huff and try to push his hand off your thigh. He barely budged.

“Yeah, Chase. Girls like me”

“I’m not...Kira. Or Kate or Sarah. I’m…” You choke on the words.

Fat.

Ugly.

Unwantable.

Embarrassing.

“Sexy? Funny?” Chase supplements and you shake your head and stare out of the inky window. You cant hear this. Can't accept it. It makes hysteria rise in your chest.

Chase makes a sound in his throat and reaches over the console, so that he can press closer to you. “Smart as shit? Sweet as candy...you are Y/N. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Way to fucking good for someone like me...but I’ll take it. I want it. Fuck, I want it so bad. I miss you. I miss the way you sound when you’re begging for it”

You can’t help it. His words, he so good with his words. He makes you feel like you’re floating when he talks to you like this. Your head leans over and he presses his face into your hair. You can feel his little hot puffs of air  in the sensitive shell of your ear.

“I missed you” you whimper in admittance. It had been so long since he’d been this close.

That seems to sober him up a little, clear his horny eighteen year old mind.

He sighs.

“I missed you too...but my life...is all fucked up right now. I wasn’t kidding about that”

You turn to face him, grabbing the hand that’s on your knee. Lacing his fingers with your own much shorter, plumper ones.

“Talk to me about it” you urge, gently. In that beautiful, silk-soft cadence of yours, the one that comes out for the the first time since you’ve been upset with him and it makes a part of him light up inside.

And then he sighs. Deeply. His head bowing a bit.

“I can’t”

“Why not? We talk about everything, Chase?” Your brows scrunch together as you squeeze his hand.

“Not this...I can't get you involved in this. It’s dangerous and...I don’t want to ruin you”

“Ruin me? What do you mean? I don’t understand”

Ruin you, he thinks. Ruin your perception of the world. Make you aware of the monsters that lived under your bed- of the darkness that crept in the shadows.

He just clenches his jaw so hard his teeth hurt and you hum and reach up to thumb at the flexing muscle in his cheek.

He looks at you and you drown in pools of argent blue.

“You’re so pure- no I’m serious. So good, Y/N. You don’t even know how- don’t even realize. And I don’t want to fuck things up for you l-I. We both know I’m good at doing that…” he gives a small, self deprecating laugh and you frown.

You really don’t understand what he’s trying to tell you.

“You’re good, too” he snorts and you persist “You are. You’re so good to me- even when I doubt you. You’re- you’ve been better to me then any guy has. Ever”

He reaches over then, closing the distance and pressing his lips to yours. It’s chaste, but sweet like syrup and you savor the feeling of his plush mouth against yours.

“You deserve all the good things, Y/N. But I am literally the opposite of good” He tells you as he pulls away, mouth still close enough to yours that you feel the words rather than hear them.

“I don’t understand why you think that”

“If you knew what I was...what we are, you’d understand why I’m not good. Why I’ll never be” He curses himself, he know he shouldn’t be telling you any of this but he can’t help it.

You’re like a beacon in the dark and he’s a moth to the flame. He loses all sense when it comes to you. It’s terrifying as it is thrilling.

“What we are? Who are you talking about? You’re acting like you’ve joined a cult or something” You search his face for any clue as to what in the fuck he’s going on about and then prices start coming together. Slowly but surely.

“But then again you kind of have, huh? You’ve been spending a lot of time with the Sons lately”

Chase can’t help but chuckle as he pulls back, rubbing a hand across his forehead “And you are way too fucking smart”

“I’m still lost though? What does you being “bad” have to do with them? And why are they bad? Stuck up and a little pretentious? Yeah. But bad?”

He shouldn’t have said anything. He knows he shouldn’t. Knows that now, there’s no way you’ll let it drop and that either he can tell you what’s going on or you’ll dig until you find it out on your own…

But maybe he always wanted to tell you. They’d told Kate and Sarah? And countless others who could be trusted over the years. Why couldn’t you know? Why couldn’t he have someone who made him feel a little less lonely in this underworld he lived in.

He turns to look at you “Y/N, I have to tell you something. And you’re not going to believe me- and you may flip shit...but I don’t want to keep secrets from you anymore”

You nod slowly, not knowing just what you were in for “Okay, it’s okay, Chase. You can tell me”

And he’s just about to-

When suddenly an inhuman screech cuts through the air. It sounds feral, animalistic- like nothing you had ever heard. Your brain has no picture to put with that sound, and your head snaps in the direction of the field. Searching for the cause of such can a horrible, eerie wail. In the distance, there’s a figure. It looks like some sort of goat…

But then it stands up straight on two legs. It has to be more than 6 feet tall- and its eyes are glowing bright red. Like two tiny pools of fire in the darkness.

“Oh shit” Chase curses as he starts his car, and he’s slamming his foot down and sending the car flying into reverse before you can even comprehend what’s going on.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck” he curses as he swings the car into drive then and presses the gas pedal as hard as he can, the car lurching forward as the tires squeal.

You are sufficiently freaked out, to say the very least. Your heart is pumping fast and fear is shooting through you.

“Chase?! Chase what’s going on? And what the ever loving fuck was that” You hold on to the the armrest with one hand and the roof handle with the other as you squeal at him.

Chase is pushing 90 and it doesn’t seem like he’s going to slow down- if anything he’s going faster.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine” he tries to calm you down because he can hear the trepidation in your voice.

Really, it should be okay.

They’d found both a spell and a brewed a potion to vanquish the demon- but this wasn’t how he wanted to tell you. This is exactly what he had been dreading.

Bringing you into situations like this.

“Oh really?! You’re going like 100 miles per hour and I just saw...some kind of fucking creature in the field back there, right after we were talking about cults nonetheless. I’m not really feeling like everything’s fine right now. I’m actually feeling like everything’s the opposite of fine! Holy fuck that think had red eyes, Chase!”

“I’m a witch!” Chase Collins had always been bad with timing, and well- that hadn’t ever changed.

Time seems to go still and quiet as you try to process exactly what he just said. You’re not even breathing really.

“You’re a what?” Is all you can choke out.

“A witch- warlock actually. If we’re being technical”

It’s in his voice. You can tell he’s not fucking with you, that he’s dead serious. Although you have a very open mind and believe in all sorts of things...Chase being a warlock?

Your Chase? A magical being?

“I-“

“I’m sorry I’ve been awol, and that I’ve been lying to you but real, honest to god shit, is that me and Caleb, who is also a warlock, accidentally opened a hells gate on the night of the fall fest and let out all kinds of fucked up demons and I’ve been busy trying to round them all up and send them back where they came from. I wasn’t ghosting you. I just didn’t know how to tell you about all of this”

What he’s saying is insane. It’s a fast jumbled mess that pours from his lips, a confession he knows he shouldn't make. A truth he has no business telling you.

And yet he is.

“You’re telling the truth” you deduce and he gives you the side eye. A small glare that says ‘why the fuck would I like about this’.

“And that thing?”

“Is a Braxas Demon. They’re lower level- but still nasty fuckers. If you’d reach into the glove box for me” you do as he instructs as he talks “There” he refers to a small vile of bright purple liquid “that’s a vanquishing potion. If it tries to attack us, which I doubt it will, that’ll kill it”

Trying to be calm in situations like the one you’re in is futile. Honestly. Your adrenaline is pumping without your control and your flight or fight has been turned on. You can’t sit still and even though your terrified of what you’ll see you can’t help that you keep looking behind you out of the rear window, expecting to see that...demon in the road.

Chase calls Caleb, relays the information to him and you can only hear bits of it through the rushing of blood in your ears.

“I found it. Or I guess it kind of found me.

Up by hanged man's turn- that field. Yup.

I was driving with Y/N- yes she’s here with me. Yes, she saw it.

I had to tell her! It started to chase us!

Fuck you! You knew Sarah for a week before you spilled the covens secret, so spare me the lecture.

Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s still tailing us.

Okay, I’ll meet you there”

And that was the night your life changed forever. 

@peacefulwriter88 @brieannakeogh @supernovasandcoronas @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @geekyweed @tatathekissypotato @prettybubblesintheair @jaamesbbarnes @wi-atch @sad-af1121 @paulruddx @gifsbysimplysonia @sgtbootybarnes @shayla-markele

So I’ve had this finished in my drafts for FOREVER and I figured what the hell, I haven’t posted in a while and I thought I’d give you guys a lil something. I don’t know whether I want to keep this as just a little one shot- maybe a collection of one shots? Idk I just really love Chase Collins and the vastly under appreciated and under explored world of The Covenant.

[thebirdwithoutfeathers]

the tags on that ask killed me. if i may ask what were they about?

*starts to cry for the billionth time this week*I don’t really get into this a lot on the internet publicly but I’ll make ONE post about it then done. If you’d like to know more then DM me and I can answer any questions, sit back, relax, read, and immerse yourself: THIS WILL BE FKN LONG!

PART 1: “Be me”>Going through the year of the HSC (High School Certificate)>Stress>You’re relationship with your high school friends is hanging by a thread over smth as stupid as who studies more>Your parents fighting each night about the same thing, even though you asked them not to fight infront of you they still did it, to the point of one of them threatening to leave this has NEVER EVER happened so in my eyes it was fucked>You have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, if you talk to your parents they’ll send you to a shrink, if you tell your friends how shit your life is they’ll somehow turn it around and make you the bad guy that complicates everything….>You immerse yourself in the internet world, making a lot of friends, and getting into YouTube because right now that your only coping mechanism>Then your friends accuse you of changing because of the internet when in actual fact its because of them but you can’t say that>THEN ONE NIGHT, you cross paths with someone with whom after 5 mins you give them your email smth you would never do and out of character>It escalates from there; you have this amazing bond with this person, you love them, they become your best friend, they listen, they care for you, they want the best for you, THEY LOVE YOU>3 months go by consisting of talking for 7 hours non-stop to the person everyday, you get really close to the point you gave them your passwords to some stuff>Then in one night, they’re gone *POOF* September becomes one of the hardest months, the one person that truly cared, the one person that you have a connection with is gone and theres nothing you can do about it, no one you can confide in and talk to about this, except the counsellor.>You try and tell people close to you but oh no its an internet friendship so why should it be real????? why should they take it seriously when “it’s just on the internet, they could be a pedo”>The whole world is against you, you want to cry, you want to die, you contemplate cutting yourself, you contemplate making things worse because “how can things be shittier” “why is this happening to me? i never wanted this in life, why why why why why why why i want to die so bad”>you have no idea when you’ll talk to this person again, let alone if you ever will.>You get an email saying after one year pasts you’ll be together again>One year pasts, nothing happened>You don’t know anymore…….do you wait? SPOILER: You wait, because this friendship means too much to let go

PART 2: Heard anything?Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every 6 or so months, I understand why on her half her parents don’t like me and won’t let her talk to me so fml but nope, you have no idea how bad I’d want to hear from her, she means so much to me in a lot of ways, she is as she quoted about me “genuinely she’s the best thing that ever happened to me”

PART 3: CopingI tell only a selective amount of people about this, usually privately or in cases like where I found myself drunk one night with two friends in my garden crying over this, it felt really weird and good. Good because I got it out as I usually keep everything in and then let it all out either crying or having a breakdown (its literally a cycle). And weird because well, unlike a lot of people that I know that have repeatedly been hurt by others, the whole thing with Lamia is the FIRST ever time in my life where I felt genuinely hurt and really affected in every way. Most of the times if I have an argument with someone I just say they’re right, to shut them up about it and just to get it over and done with. It wasn't an argument or any of that sort that’s keeping us apart But it’s really affected me, I sometimes pull myself away from people and make myself seem cold and shy and awkward, not purposely but like idk, its hard to explain. Just recently I cried in my art class, because I thought about her, and kept on thinking about her….then BOOM tears, I tried to be a ninja about it but one of my friends saw me so fail (you know who you are if you see this, hey, and thanks again But yeah, nowadays I cry on the bus about it or curl up in my bed and cry, I think I just miss having such a close friendship with someone. I also try not to get close with people, when i say close I mean REALLY CLOSE, which is ironic because I miss that type closeness, and honestly if anyone ever get to that level I think I’d cave and just hug them and never let go, but I try to avoid that because 1. it freaks me out, and if I go to deep I’m worried i’ll be hurt again. 2. I’ve convinced myself that if I got that close with anyone that person would only fill in a void in my heart that is for Lamia

PART 4: what does she mean to you? surely its simpleno, nothing is simple about this. She is the Dan to my Phil, the antidote to my sadness, if i could ever talk to her I’d be ecstatic, I would drop everything, not go to a lecture, miss my bus, not go to Uni; She makes me feel like I’m actually part of something, part of the world. When we talk its like all my fears and stress is gone, she means more than she could know. 

PART 5: In a nutshell and nowugh jesus, so I met this girl Lamia and she is honestly the most amazing person I’ve met, we are literally the same person, and I can’t get over her, not in a romantic way in a platonic way. I would literally do anything for her, to make things better, to make her happy, I love her, so when she left, my heart was crushed, like all that was positive in that year her and youtube basically was ripped out of me. I hate usually talking about this with my friends in real life, not because I don’t like talking about it, I don't regret meeting her at all. It’s just the emotions bit that I want to kill myself over, because I feel like I’m some little girl who got herself way too deep as usual…. 

Conclusion:My head and my heart are honestly in different places about this, but I’m trying to be optimistic about life and appreciate more the people in my life at the moments virtual and irl, I’ll always feel like I’m being a burden if i vent this out to anyone, pretty much people sometimes have to force me to say what’s wrong but I’m getting bit better hopefully :)                                                                                ~Fin

ps. Lamia, if you see this I love you, and as long as you’re looking at the moon, know I’m here, smiling and looking over you even if we aren’t talking