#but it was interesting! I like learning about it! several inventive things happening in fields of art and science at least | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dreaming-in-alicante · 4 years ago

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Chapter 3 is finally done! Sorry it took longer - finals week happened and it was a harder chapter to write for some reason. I'm excited to finish this story though - we're half-way through :)

Chapter 3: Lighting the flame

Christopher met his friends outside, where they piled into a carriage and set off for the Devil Tavern. The atmosphere between them was still tense; James and Matthew, sitting across from him, were quiet. Christopher wished, as he so often did, that he understood people better. He hated it when they all fought, and now it was partly his fault and he didn’t know how to fix it. Thankfully, James took the initiative.

“Kit,” he began, “we’re sorry for being so confrontational. It’s only you have to understand how it looks from our perspective. Grace’s actions, even if she regrets them, caused a great deal of pain.” James looked troubled.

“Thomas shared some of what you all learned yesterday talking to Jesse,” Matthew said softly. “About how bad things were for her with Tatiana. And it…well I still don’t trust her but it sounds like she’s trying to be – to be better. And I out of everyone should be sympathetic to that.” His hand moved unconsciously to his jacket. He had stopped carrying a flask everywhere but after so many years of drinking, it was still a reflex to reach for the alcohol.

James seemed to notice this motion, and clasped his parabatai’s shoulder briefly in support, then returned his attention to Christopher. “I suppose what I’ll say is that I cannot soon forget what Grace has done, and I prefer to avoid her,” James said carefully, “but I – none of us – should be trying to control who you spend time with Kit. I am sorry. If you trust her, then we shall trust you.”

“Oh, jolly good,” Christopher said, immensely relieved. He hated conflict, especially with his friends. “I am sorry that I didn’t think to mention her helping. She’s the first friend I’ve ever made.”

His friends all looked suddenly gut-punched for some reason. “Kit, do you not think we’re friends?” Matthew asked, appearing quite distressed.

“Of course we are! Aren’t we?” Christopher was, for a second time that evening, horribly confused.

“But you just said –” James began, looking stricken.

“Do you mean she’s the first friend that you personally have made, on your own, Kit?” Thomas asked, understanding Christopher best as usual.

“Precisely!” Christopher said, then realized, “Ah, I understand now how that sounded. I meant that – well, I’m related to two of you and we all just sort of fell in together didn’t we? I have never made a friend on my own.” The rest of the Merry Thieves relaxed visibly.

“Fair enough,” Matthew said, looking relieved. “Honestly Kit, Grace Bla – sorry , Cartwright – out of everyone you could choose for a friend.” He shook his head but there was a teasing glint in his eye.

“She’s really a wonderful lab partner!” Christopher assured them cheerfully. “She’s been organizing everything and making an inventory. And she had a wonderful insight the other day about this reaction with sulfuric acid.”

Thomas shifted on the seat next to Christopher as he said “I never would have expected scientific curiosity from Grace of all people, but she was right at home in that laboratory today.”

“Honestly, it took me a second to recognize her – wearing a dark dress, and those ridiculous goggles that you also wear in the lab,” Matthew said, gesturing at Christopher.

“They may not be fashionable, but they are very important as protective gear,” Christopher told him.

Matthew shuddered slightly but smiled good-naturedly as he said, “And that is why I will never pursue science. Terrible field for the fashion-minded.” This started him on a wild story about finding a new waistcoat earlier that week. Christopher was quite satisfied that peace had been restored, and thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the night with his friends.

_________________________________________________________

The following Wednesday, Christopher was even more eager than usual to get to Grosvenor Square – Henry was due to arrive back in London that morning. He was keen to get Henry’s thoughts on several projects, especially the runed guns and the fire messages.

Christopher started the morning by testing another rune combination on a message. This attempt ended, as many did, in a small explosion. He was still putting out a fire on the lab table when Grace arrived for the day. She greeted him briefly before starting to set up a reaction flask. During her organization of the lab she had come across a vial with some mysterious white powder. Christopher had no idea what it was, so they decided it would be an intriguing exercise for her to determine the contents.

Soon after Grace’s arrival, a humming noise sounded, then a whistling, signaling that the elevator down to the lab was in use. Christopher hurried over as the doors opened. “Welcome back, Henry!” he said, grinning.

Henry looked just the same as always, with perhaps a bit more gray in his hair after the stress of the past few months. “Kit, my boy!” he greeted as he maneuvered his Bath chair out of the elevator and towards the lab table. “How are things going? Any progress on those guns with the pithos? And you must help me examine this sample of water I brought back from Alicante, I wonder if we could try using it in another version of demon repelling ointment. Being around so many wards, it may be imbued with some demon-repelling properties.” He reached the work table and paused as he finally noticed Grace standing there. Henry looked bewildered and Christopher struggled to remember whether he had mentioned Grace in his letter to Henry. He was fairlysure that he had.

“Hello!” Henry said to her pleasantly, “You’re the one with the demon powers that was briefly engaged to my son. Gladys, yes?” Well, letter or otherwise, at least Henry remembered her.

“Grace, actually,” she replied, looking tense, her posture stiff. “I do want to apologize again for…everything.”

Henry waved off her concern and said, “It all ended alright didn’t it? Charles Buford will find someone else. And Kit mentioned you’ve been a great help in the lab recently!”

Good, Christopher thought, I did remember to include that in the letter.

“I would actually be quite interested to hear about your power and how it worked. Especially through a bracelet, fascinating!” Henry continued as he maneuvered towards the rack of chemicals.

Grace appeared exceedingly uncomfortable, but quickly warmed up to Henry throughout the day as he described various project ideas to her and took a look at her reactions. By that evening, when all three were involved in a lengthy discussion about runes and the application of runes to invention, it was as if Grace had always been part of the team. Christopher was delighted anew that Grace understood both he and Henry in a way that very few others did.

They finally finished for the night after Charlotte had called down the stairs three times with increasing insistence about coming up for dinner. Grace left to catch a carriage home with a smile on her face. Christopher wished briefly that she could stay longer, but he was comforted by the fact that she would return in the morning.

_________________________________________________________

“Hullo Grace!” Christopher said happily as she entered the lab early the next day. He then bent back down to examine a glass slide under the microscope. Henry was occupied entertaining some visitors with Charlotte, but Christopher was already hard at work. “You must come take a look at this sample of water from Lake Lyn that Henry brought,” he told her. It was fascinating watching the microorganisms move about in the droplet under the lens. When Grace did not immediately respond, he looked up and actually got a good look at her face. “I say, is something wrong, Grace? You’re a bit –” He was about to say ‘splotchy’, for her normally pale face was quite red in parts. He caught himself at the last second however, remembering his mother saying that a gentleman should never remark on a lady’s less-than-favorable appearance. “You look upset,” he said instead. She was not her normal cool and collected self.

He thought that Grace would brush off his concern, and she indeed stiffened and started to turn away. Then she met his gaze and her shoulder slumped in resignation. “I encountered Charles on my way in,” she explained.

“Ah. I forgot that he would be returning with Henry,” Christopher said, wincing. “Things are still awkward after ending the engagement then?”

“More than awkward,” she answered, expression still pinched. “He is still extremely upset that I manipulated his mind. Said I’d made a fool of him and he doesn’t want me in his house.” She set her coat and hat down on the stool with more force than strictly necessary.

Christopher frowned and said, “Technically it’s Henry and Charlotte’s house.”

A faint smile rose on Grace’s lips. “That’s precisely what I told him, and I mentioned that I worked with Henry just yesterday. He then called you both ‘trusting fools’ and made some…unflattering statements about my personage.”

“Well perhaps if we give him some more time, he’ll come round!” Christopher said optimistically. “I suppose it’s easier for me to say since you only used your power on me once or twice compared to the many more times you used it on him.”

Grace looked at him, pale brows drawn together in puzzlement. “I never used my power on you, Christopher,” she said slowly.

Christopher was wholly astonished by her statement. “You – never? Really?” he asked, mentally reeling. “What ho! But the night you came to the laboratory and helped me figure out the pithos I – are you sure?”

Grace shook her head. “Never. I’m completely sure,” she said firmly. “I would have apologized if I had, I –” she stared at him, looking almost indignant. “You really invited me here, have been working with me, and all this time you though I had manipulated you that night? And never gave you a formal apology?” she asked incredulously.

“When you asked about joining me in the lab that first day, you apologized for everything again. I assumed that included any time you used your power on me!” Christopher said, thoughts racing. He had been so eager to help her that night. Although now that he thought about it, they had discussed a lot of science, which he now knew Grace was genuinely interested in. “Why didn’t you?” he asked her, very curious.

Grace hesitated before saying, “I didn’t need to. You weren’t bothered by my being there and you were happy to show me around.” Something flickered in her pale eyes. “I never liked using my power when I could avoid it. I suppose because I knew that it was wrong,” she added. She looked as if she might say something else, but at that moment a whistling noise from the elevator indicated that Henry was on his way down to the lab.

They were soon absorbed in experimenting and discussing theories but at points Christopher found his focus drifting back to their conversation, and even farther back to that first night in the lab. It seemed like Grace had used her power on nearly everyone at some point, yet incredibly, she had never used it on him despite numerous opportunities. Christopher didn’t know what to make of that.

_________________________________________________________

It was just Christopher and Henry in the lab the following day. Grace was training with Jesse, and then planned to take a tour around the city with her brother, Lucie, and Ariadne (who was apparently going by Kamala these days). Christopher could never be bored working with Henry but after having Grace’s constant companionship for nearly a month it was…strange, to be working with only Henry and not her.

The day’s work proved incredibly successful, however. Upon Henry’s suggestion, Christopher added a bridge rune to the fire communication rune he had been tinkering with for months. He was thrilled to observe the message burn up and reform a few feet away. Henry, delighted, helped him replicate the results numerous times to prove that it was a repeatable phenomenon. Henry demonstrated it for a startled Charlotte (she had been interrupted in the middle of writing a letter in her office). She beamed, proud of them both, giving Henry a congratulatory kiss.

Christopher could not wait to share the good news with Grace. He wished she had been there to see it the first time, but no matter – there would be plenty of time to demonstrate it tomorrow.

He and Henry spent the rest of the afternoon trying to get the messages to travel farther than a few feet. Although foiled in these attempts, the breakthrough left them both very pleased as they finished for the day.

_________________________________________________________

Christopher was waiting at the entrance for Grace the next morning, eager to share the news. She looked startled to find him right behind the door as it opened, which he supposed was unusual given that they always met down in the lab. She had barely finished saying good morning before he could not contain his excitement and exclaimed, “You must come see the breakthrough Henry and I made yesterday, Grace! We’re so close to having a working fire-message!” He caught her arm and hurried her to the stairs down to the lab. She seemed a bit disoriented by his sudden enthusiasm but listened intently with a bemused smile as he explained the thought process behind the rune combination they had tried.

They reached the work table and Christopher quickly traced out the new rune. The paper burned up and reformed a few feet in front of them. When it reappeared, Grace grinned widely. “Incredible!” she declared, and she snatched the paper to study the rune. It occurred to Christopher that Grace had a very nice smile. She normally had a serious face, but smiles had become more frequent as the weeks had passed.

“What have you tried adding to this so far?” she asked. Christopher grabbed his notebook and they reviewed what he had recorded the previous day.

“Do you mind if I try some things?” Grace asked. “I’ve been studying that book on runes that Henry gave me – I think I may have a few ideas.”

“By all means!” Christopher told her, delighted. “I could use a break from runes after all the work yesterday. I think I’ll experiment with the Lake Lyn water today and try a demon-repelling ointment again.”

“All right, then,” she said, and set to work with a determined expression.

Later that afternoon, Henry already finished for the day and off to some important dinner, Christopher was checking the now-complete inventory list. “Blast!” he said softly, then called over to Grace, “Do you remember seeing nightshade anywhere when you were organizing?”

She pursed her lips in thought, then shook her head. “No, none,” she answered.

“I suppose I’ll be taking a trip to the Shadow Market tonight then,” Christopher said. He was determined to try combining some nightshade extract with the new demon-repelling ointment he was developing.

“The Shadow Market?” Grace queried, eyebrows raised in interest. “Do you go there often? I wanted to go before when I was looking for something to help Jesse, but I was never confident that I could find my way around.”

“It’s a wonderful place! I have to go fairly often for ingredients that are, er, not strictly approved by the Clave,” he explained. “Oh!” he said, struck by an obvious thought, “would you like to accompany me tonight?”

“I would love to,” Grace said, looking excited. She sent a letter to Jesse to inform him of the change in plans, and eagerly questioned Christopher about various aspects of the Market.

They each wrapped up their work as the sun began to set, the changing sky visible from a high window in the basement. Christopher was locating his coat and hat when he realized he should ask Grace about weapons. It was unlikely they’d face any demons in the carriage or Shadow Market, but it was good to be prepared. She had daggers on her already, but he offered her a seraph blade in addition. Ready, with ingredient list in hand, the set out to the carriage.

Christopher offered Grace an arm up, then followed her in. Their knees brushed together as he settled on the seat opposite Grace and the carriage began moving. Christopher noticed that she looked somewhat flushed. “Would you like the window open?” he asked. “You look a bit warm.”

“No, I’m perfectly comfortable, thank you,” she said, appearing discomposed. “What are you hoping to accomplish with the nightshade that you’ll be getting?” she asked.

Christopher happily launched into a lengthy explanation of his thought process and the previous attempts at demon-repelling ointment, and the discussion lasted them all the way to the Shadow Market.

#tlh fic #tlh #gracetopher #grace blackthorn x christopher lightwood #my fic

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monstersdownthepath · 4 years ago

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Ioslon, Beloved by Worms

Chaotic Neutral Archfey of Spirals, Worms, and Obsession

Domains: Artifice, Chaos, Charm, Madness Subdomains: Toil, Protean, Captivation, Insanity Favored Weapon: Whip Symbol: A worm curled into a loose spiral Sacred Animal: Worms Sacred Color: Blue, purple

The temptation of the Demon Lords is not merely for mortals. The eternal paths that the Ravager Worm Yhidothrus carves through layer after layer of reality have attracted the attention of countless mortals and immortals alike who seek out the secrets that the great Demon Lord holds. Not a single one of them returns whole, if at all, and this does not change for creatures of great influence like Ioslon.

Once a revered craftsman among the Fey, Ioslon became curious of what hid within the boundless depths of the Spiral Path--Yhidothrus’ realm--and that curiosity quickly, pardon the pun, spiraled into obsession. Building himself a vessel he believed could survive the ravages of Abyss and Worm alike, Ioslon and a crew of his sycophants and faithful descended into the Path and, within a mere month, vanished beyond means of communication both magical and mundane for several centuries. Like many who’ve performed the very same foolish act, Ioslon was swiftly delegated to a mere footnote in the dusty tomes regarding the Ravager Worm, standing out only for his notable status as an Archfey.

That very same status is perhaps what ended up saving him from destruction, not that he ever said. His return was not a triumphant affair with ribbons fluttering through the air, no. Only a handful even knew he had returned at all until rumors of his workshop reopening began to circulate, though none were allowed inside. It was only when Ng the Hooded himself stepped up to the door and requested entry to the craftsman’s workshop that it was revealed what had happened to Ioslon. A writhing body of composite millions, a strange obsession, fiendish magic used to twist the world into unearthly shapes. Bringing the Abyss into the First World was usually a punishable offense, but Ioslon had plans for these exotic materials that the Hooded demigod found interesting and an assurance that stayed the Eldest’s hand:

“I have learned what I needed to from Yhidothrus.”

Ng was the first to receive a gift from the Beloved By Worms. It’s not known what Ioslon said and gifted to each of the Eldest and Archfey who visited in turn, but it has similarly quelled their anger for the time being, allowing the writhing Archfey to work in relative peace towards his... “goals.”

In truth, Ioslon possesses few long-term or even short-term goals. His mind is too far gone for such leaps and bounds, and is not even fully his anymore. His form--now composed of innumerable worms--houses not just his consciousness, but the fragmented minds of thousands of individuals consumed by the madness of the Spiral Path, a collective he refers to as the Twine. While the mind of the revered craftsman is at the forefront of this mess, the countless minds and memories sharing space in his head steer him in a circle almost constantly... or, rather, a spiral.

The congealed obsessions of each and every spirit Ioslon has assimilated has formed together to form a single cohesive thought which links all of them: An adoration of the spiral. The “Divine Shape,” as he calls it, is the only thing that grants him focus, and only projects involved with it or incorporating it in some way are projects he can focus long enough to work on to completion. His laboratory is littered with clockworks in varying states of construction, each incorporating numerous spiral-patterned gears and unnecessary numbers of springs to sate the obsession of his thousand conflicting minds. His laboratory is also strewn about with terrariums containing worms and worm-like creatures from all over the Great Beyond, as he claims to be able to divine all that he needs from watching them burrow, eat, and writhe. Whether or not this is true is not known.

The obsession with the Divine Shape guilds Ioslon’s new faith and philosophy almost entirely, though metaphorical meanings and the symbology of the spiral are left to his minions and sycophants; he’s purely interested in the physical pattern, and waxing poetic about cycles or recursion is something he never truly engages in. Despite this, every now and then, enough of the fragmented remnants will surge to the surface to trigger a sudden obsession with topics such as time, entropy, patterns, madness, runes, or other spiral-adjacent subjects that stretch beyond the physical. These swings of focus are typically when the Twine take over themselves and create their most magnificent of devices, the constructs they craft performing reality-defying feats that are difficult, if not impossible, to replicate even by the greatest of mortal minds. Despite (or perhaps because of) the corruption and fragmenting of his mind, Ioslon possesses the genius necessary to build machines that can do anything, no matter how outlandish or impossible. It’s these miracles of invention that draw people to Ioslon in the hopes of finding their own muse.

-------- Obedience and Boons --------

Ioslon’s faith is more of a gathering of fans and fellow geniuses than an actual religion, with the majority of his flock gathering to witness his works of art or the emergence of the Twine. Collaborating with Ioslon himself is nearly impossible, but many great minds in the field of clockwork and engineering departments have met one another at his inventors fairs and begun to collaborating with each other instead. To truly work alongside Ioslon himself, one must have a similarly single-minded, manic obsession into which they will throw all else. An unenviable position, to be certain, but the Beloved by Worms views such creatures as kindred souls and allows them access to his shop and his resources, so that they may pursue their greatest passions.

The rest of his faithful and Feysworn have their own reasons for working for him. Many pity him, gathering materials from across the cosmos to bring to his lab at his request simply to prevent him from injuring himself getting them. Many desire something of him, hoping that by achieving greatness in his name, they will be granted their greatest wish. Still others work for him for the simple reason of whimsy, wondering what he’ll do next and thus obeying his nigh-nonsensical orders just to see what will happen. Any member of a class which rewards creativity, drive, or single-minded obsession is welcome in the flock of he who is Beloved by Worms.

A great number of Ioslon’s servants are often sent on missions that can range anywhere from pointless to the laughable to the unfeasible, all guided by his obsession. One Feysworn recalls being instructed to carve spirals into every 4th brick on a sidewalk in a specific city, while another group earned the considerably more dangerous mission of wrangling a Purple Worm, only to have it fed to another, larger Purple Worm for unfathomable reasons as he looked on, writing exotic symbols on a clipboard. One particularly dangerous mission took a squadron of his flock deep into the Darklands in search of a colony of Flail Snails he demanded be brought to him, as he tearfully languished over their “inability to experience their own immaculate design” and strove to grant them the gift of sight.

Still, those who serve the Beloved by Worms learn to put up with these strange orders, as each completed mission seems to grant him just a bit more stability, bringing him closer to his next miracle.

Using the Fey Obedience feat, a worshiper of Ioslon gain certain Boons upon reaching a certain amount of Hit Dice. These Boons are granted at 12HD, 16HD, and 20HD, though the Feysworn Prestige Class allows someone to achieve the Boons much, much sooner. The Beloved by Worms is an Archfey, though a powerful one, but his Boons are relatively simple and remain spell-likes that may be cast 1/day.

Obedience: Using a sharp implement, slowly scratch or carve a spiral into the ground as you walk in a tight circle for roughly an hour, moving slowly outwards until the spiral is at least 5 feet wide (or as wide as the area allows). Alternately, tinker with or build a clockwork device. Benefit: Gain a +4 sacred or profane bonus to saves against charms and compulsion effects, as well as to Craft checks.

Boon 1: Puzzle Box

Boon 2: Quest

Boon 3: Summon Elder Worm

#Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons #Original Concepts

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pomrania · 5 years ago

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TMA Entities as Normal Horoscopes

(To clarify, the Entities from The Magnus Archives, as represented by horoscopes from @normal-horoscopes. Entities presented in alphabetical order, horoscopes in the order that I found them.)

BEHOLDING

Libra: Your eye for detail is one of your most defining traits! Most people only have two general purpose eyes.

Gemini: Unleash your curiosity upon an unforgiving world and dissect everything you are afraid of with an olive fork until you understand it so well it can’t scare you anymore.

Pisces: You are the last one still awake. What are you still doing up? This late at night, with only one pair of eyes. You might see something you weren’t supposed to.

Gemini: You’ll have to throw out or donate most of your novelty t-shirts when you awake to find several bonus eyes hovering around you in elliptical orbits.

Sagittarius: Careful not to blunt those sharp eyes on an unforgiving task. Passion for learning is all well and good, but you’re venturing into uncharted territory that may contain things that want your eyes.

Gemini: Most of us have spare eyes. You have far too many.

Taurus: I can’t shake the feeling I’m being watched. Wait, watched isn’t the right word. Watched and something else.

Cancer: Quit your peeping. Something is looking back at you.

BURIED

Virgo: The weight of the world will crush you into a diamond.

Virgo: Your horoscope today is just dust. That’s it. Buncha dust.

Libra: Pressure can be an excellent motivator in the right amount. Also, they meant social pressure, doing paperwork in a deep-sea diving bell will not improve the quality of your work.

Gemini: From dust to dust. You came from the earth and she wants you back.

Taurus: Cave buddies.

Capricorn: Spend some time huffing large amounts of dust to make your insides dustier.

Scorpio: As you lay on your back, head tilted to an uncaring sky, the very earth whispered to you. She reached up her hands and fingers and you gave her everything you could. Sleep now. Mother is here.

Taurus: It goes far deeper than you imagine. Talk about it.

Cancer: You’ve come across something you should not have interrupted. Run. Run now. Go, or the very earth will swallow you whole.

Scorpio: Your natural drive and ambition will lead you to some interesting places! Who knew a person could even fit in that small a hole?

CORRUPTION

Aries: Live in the level of filth that is comfortable to you. Just make sure you are practicing self-love.

Pisces: You will see a cool picture of a plague doctor this week. Hell yeah.

Pisces: Growth is simply growth. Gardens and cancers alike.

Ophiuchus: When she awoke to see the infection had taken her shoulder she did the only sensible thing. She cut off her own head. She holds it by the hair in her left hand.

Ophiuchus: Worms in your brain. Worms in your brain. There are very helpful worms in your brain.

Gemini: The discomfort you can’t seem to shake is likely due to the large nest of bees that have made its home inside your ribs.

Ophiuchus: The value of today’s fortune depends heavily on your opinion of rot.

Virgo: The position of Mars says the virus is spreading and soon you will be reborn ascendant to join in the virulent bacchanalia.

Leo: We can only hate what we see in ourselves. Consider that you may be full of mosquitoes.

Aquarius: A lavish and ostentatious estate. Empty and bare because the previous occupants couldn’t stomach a little plague. Wimps.

Aries: When she touched you she laid several eggs in your skin. Free babes! Nice.

Ophiuchus: Having trouble in an academic setting? Try lying down in a field and letting insects use their tiny voices to whisper the secrets of the world to you.

DARK

Scorpio: A ray of night from the clouds will darken the banks of the river. Look only. Touch nothing.

Capricorn: The massive black roadrunner that followed your car through Utah. You didn’t say a word the whole night.

Leo: When you see the black, many eyed owls, immediately turn around and snuff out any lights. Your light up sneakers will have to go. Sacrifices must be made.

Aries: Take their hand. They will guide you into the night. Finding your own way out will be its own task. Feel as your heart starts to quicken.

Pisces: There is so much the world has to offer. So much beyond this fervor. Steady your hands and rest in the gentle dark.

Leo: The Diminutive Beings of Shadow and Dread are raccoons. They are raccoons. Close your trash cans.

Aries: You visibly absorb light from the area around you, consider medication.

Leo: Something moves soundlessly through your neighborhood, avoiding the streetlights. Check on your pets.

Pisces: The night is a blanket over all of us. There is fear and comfort in the privacy of the dark.

DESOLATION

Scorpio: As much as the stars and I admire your zeal, human hair candles will not catch on.

Taurus: Ensure your friends sit next to you by burning all other chairs and eating the ashes to hide your trickery.

Virgo: Fire is a powerful cleansing force, but that doesn’t make arson legal. The one thing fire cannot purify is the law.

Gemini: It absolutely could hurt to try. Pain is just pain.

Aries: Today your horoscope involves fire and children. The stars wouldn’t clarify anything past that.

Ophiuchus: A chapel made from old shipping containers. The priest is setting herself on fire for the third time in the sermon.

Cancer: It will not actually solve anything, but you can put your problems into perspective by setting everything on fire.

Capricorn: You’ll look back on all of it and wish it to be burned. Start the fire as soon as possible.

Libra: Watch the fire dance between your fingers. You only have so long.

END

Aries: Look buddy, only one of us can leave this pumpkin festival alive, and I’m already dead.

Gemini: What’s the rush? Nothing has happened but you can feel your heartbeat in your ears, you can feel your eyes dilate. Literally nothing has changed but your body seems convinced that you are going to die any second.

Scorpio: No sense in arguing over the supposed opinions of a dead man. Dig him up and ask him why don’t you? It’s a once in a lifetime chance.

Sagittarius: Today you will be legally dead for about 140 seconds but you’ll come back with a complementary mint.

Leo: After selling your soul to the devil, the sheer negative value of your soul will crash the soul market, causing the dead to walk again.

Ophiuchus: The only permanent state of being is death and even that’s debatable.

Pisces: A good strategy here is to simply refuse to die.

Aquarius: Fuck it. Carry a scythe around. Who even gives a shit.

Capricorn: Statistically, there is a chance that something you do today, however small, will lead to the death of an innocent.

Ophiuchus: Death is only the beginning. The beginning of not being alive anymore.

Aries: Your obsession with death will be satisfied. Eventually.

FLESH

Ophiuchus: Have yourself a feast and invent a new catholic saint to justify it.

Taurus: The stars say to get of your high horse and quit genetically engineering horses to have such legs. Horses are poorly designed as they are. It’s irresponsible.

Aries: Your newfound ability to scale a brick wall in seconds flat is kinda scary. Your bones make weird noises and everything. Try not to do it around kids.

Virgo: Do you know what flavor you are Virgo? Well get ready to find out!

Capricorn: You know Capricorn, you’re really one or two big steps away from being a sausage.

Leo: There will be a distinct element of aggression to your emotions today, specifically towards chefs that are a member of the ancient secret society of cannibals who just murdered your science teacher.

Taurus: Money troubles Taurus? Try growing new bones and selling them to bone farmers for extra cash. If you get good enough at it, you can use wholesalers.

Sagittarius: Fear not, there is pulled pork aplenty for those with the courage to seek it.

Virgo: There is a mad little part of our heads that looks at a meat cleaver and says “just chop your hand off”. Don’t listen to that bit. It's a prick and it owes me $120.

Pisces: Your body is not a temple, it is a river. A river made of meat and blood and stuff.

HUNT

Aquarius: Speak softly, carry a big stick, hide a gun inside the stick just in case the bastard is outside of stick range.

Pisces: If you are being chased by something unearthly, go for the selfie. Life is short, especially when you are being chased by something unearthly.

Aries: Nothing evil stalks the forest. The wild is bigger than you could ever imagine. You are nothing to it. No skinwalker or boogeyman or revenant could ever aspire to the persistence and hunger of the wild untamed.

Leo: Allow fear to inform you. To accept fear as sovereign is sin against the self. Fear is very correct about the large hungry mammal chasing you. Run.

Aquarius: Those assassins from the meat of the month club have finally found your new address and are planting the explosives as you read this.

Scorpio: Dreams of chasing smaller weaker things through the woods. Waking aching to remember. You will remember soon.

Sagittarius: The hunt is on! No starbucks will escape your horn-blessed gaze.

Scorpio: You will get into a fight. Go on a quest for revenge. And know the true visceral feeling of the hunt.

Virgo: The blissful are being sold a lie. The only true bliss is the glory of the hunt and a slaked bloodlust.

Pisces: Nothing gets the panties wet like the sound of hundreds of spectral mounts crashing through moonlit woods while the call of the hunt echoes among the trees, striking fear into the hearts of your ghastly quarry.

LONELY

Ophiuchus: You can’t stop feeling just one thing. Stuffing down one emotion means stuffing down them all.

Aquarius: You may be stunned to find that the introduction of a new person into your life will make you less lonely.

Taurus: Spend some time outdoors today. Reflect on the state of the world. See yourself reflected in the world and try to fight the other person who is interrupting your reflection time.

Aquarius: Do you remember the seaside? That strip of sand that made you feel at home? Do you remember how quiet it was?

Virgo: Remember Virgo, you can click the control stick to go into stealth mode. Use this to avoid your problems easier.

Aries: You are beyond the pale, transparent really.

Taurus: It's not fog. It's a curse. A curse that looks like fog. Stay away.

Cancer: The stars and I regret to tell you that you will, actually, have to talk to people at some point.

SLAUGHTER

Capricorn: Some things cannot be prepared for. Who even uses flintlock pistols anymore? Especially in the parking lot of a grocery store?

Pisces: There is a number of knives that it is appropriate to own. It is quite high. Let’s say you need to curate your collection.

Pisces: Romantic bloodsport for two.

Leo: Nobody really cares that you’re not one for fighting. Preparation is its own reward.

Leo: Having trouble with your customers at work? Strike the head for critical damage!

Aries: When things seem confusing, just start swinging at whoever you see. At the very least, you’ll get some breathing room.

Capricorn: It may be that you fight for good, and your opponent fights for a love of bloodshed, all that matters is that you are fighting.

Virgo: Ruthless efficiency produces results but blind rage is more fun.

SPIRAL

Libra: Drawings of wildflowers that don’t exist. Diagrams and advice in a language that nobody speaks. Strewn about your room in impossible places.

Capricorn: Reject the concept of direction. There is no up, there is no down. Orientation is for losers.

Sagittarius: You are correct Sagittarius! That small wooden carving of a fox wasn’t there last night! Yes, it is cursed! Right on the money there.

Capricorn: There is no old woman following you around throwing small potted plants at you.

Scorpio: Relieve stress by planning a trip that isn’t a trip to a place that isn’t a place. Relieve stress by conceiving of time collapsed into a single semipermeable plane of events that anchors all the things that could be.

Leo: When the world stops making sense, play with the perspective. Go Escher on your problem’s ass.

Taurus: Two strangers meet in a Mediterranean country that does not exist. They discuss silver and poison and the nature of madness.

STRANGER

Aquarius: You are never done growing. It takes real effort, and for you, it will take many hours of prowling around the backs of hardware stores for stray screws to eat.

Libra: There is something in the wires practicing its voices by leaving spam calls in your inbox.

Sagittarius: Whoops! Something stole your friend’s face again! Get that ritual dagger and get to work.

Capricorn: Well lookee what we go here, a full shipment of mannequins that look exactly like you except with minor errors in body part proportions. Whoda thunk?

Sagittarius: Enough improvements and you’ll barely recognize yourself. Harvest the parts and avoid the authorities.

Cancer: If you’re gonna copy other people, don’t half-ass it. Ritual cannibalism is the only way to go.

Ophiuchus: The creepy carnival set up outside of town that only certain people can see is not to be trusted, not matter how cool the rollercoaster looks.

Cancer: She’s a fake bitch. Literally, she has a heart of clockwork and armored skin made of porcelain. Even unholy things like her shouldn’t gossip though.

Taurus: Beware the almost. The almost real, the almost breathing, the almost human.

Virgo: Keep a close eye on the puppets. One of them has no strings.

VAST

Aries: The stars say you may find yourself falling from a great height. Remember to tuck and roll.

Virgo: Do not look down. There is nothing beneath you. Carry on with your day as if the world is sensible and solid beneath you, and it will follow suit.

Aries: The storm sirens wail, the sound of colossal footsteps thunder closer. A low mournful sound that seems to crack the sky.

Pisces: Today you might fall into a bottomless pit. This is not a metaphor.

Aries: Ever feel under the weather? You are lightning.

Aquarius: You can also see the stars if you’re not in a gutter.

Leo: A man on the roof of his home during a tornado warning, laughing.

Aries: The world seems to be getting smaller and smaller. One day you will be confronted with the magnitude of it all. The vast unexplored deep. The wild unknown, and all those that would build a home in its bosom.

Aries: The space between two mountains in the distance. The sky looks different. You can hear the beating of colossal wings.

Aquarius: Your desire for human contact can be satisfied by being struck by lightning for some reason.

WEB

Capricorn: Today you will finally locate and kill the college student with a writing credit on your life.

Capricorn: The stars say to make friends with the harvestmen in your bathroom. They are helping clean up all the lil bug corpses and would appreciate some recognition.

Aquarius: It’s time to make a nest. Don’t ask questions. No thought, only nest.

Gemini: You’ve got a productive day in store Gemini. Will it be on something you actually want to do? Let’s say there is some minor will enslavement involved.

Aquarius: You’ve done an excellent job so far of making friends with the spider people that live in the abandoned subway tunnels. Keep it up!

Gemini: People are depending on you to uphold your promises. The last thing you want to be known as is a trickster. Or is it? That’s exactly the sort of thing a trickster would do!

Leo: You are a puppet, you know exactly who is pulling the strings.

Libra: A tiny spider who has made a friend.

Ophiuchus: The spider lady would like her copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends back.

Aries: See how the cobwebs catch the light? Be sure to thank the spiders.

And some others that didn't necessarily fit with a particular Entity, but gave off such strong TMA vibes that I had to include them anyways:

Gemini: This week you will be faced with your greatest challenge yet, a twink with massive burn scars.

Libra: Preserve yourself for all eternity by outsourcing your aging to other people.

Pisces: One man’s panic inducing siren-song is what another man uses to fall asleep.

Virgo: Confused? Do not worry. Everything not saved will be lost.

Taurus: This week should be one of experimentation! Push the boundaries of what it means to be mortal!

Capricorn: Answer the Door.

Scorpio: Tomorrow will be the last time you dream of the crown of teeth.

Cancer: The thing that watches over the prison transport ships. It used to be two things but now they share a spine.

Aries: Trust your instincts Aries, your dead wife does have a new form made of dried paint and she is slowly hunting you.

Taurus: They died when the radio tower was bombed. Sometimes you can hear them sending messages before the sun rises, whispering over the unused channels.

Virgo: Your capacity for learning will come in handy today when you smash your head through an old Apple II and download the entire internet into your brain, along with several shards of glass.

Libra: Look, nobody said it would be easy, but at least now you’re suffering for something you love.

Pisces: There is a hole in the world where you cannot see, and through this hole there seeps the things that can never be.

Scorpio: Sometimes being too oblivious to even notice a problem can be an asset. Can’t sweat the small stuff if you don’t even notice it.

Libra: Financial problems? Try encasing your credit cards in a block of ice. Encase all money in a block of ice. Keep all wealth frozen in a block of ice.

Ophiuchus: Maybe your prayers would be answered if your god wasn’t such a pussy.

Gemini: Limited options make choices easier! There are only so many places you can get a human heart!

Taurus: Remember, now matter how many false eyes something might have, at least one of them has to be real. It boils down to a question of bullets over time.

Libra: When others can’t decide, you will be there to make the tough choices with your brave disregard for things like “Rational Thought” and “Basic Self-preservation”.

Virgo: Ribs are important. Make sure you have a good grasp on the importance of ribs.

Pisces: Your constant near death experiences may be putting you under some stress. Time for some light reading, or maybe some breathing exercises. Honestly the stars say you’re handling constantly being faced with your own mortality pretty well.

Aries: After hearing that cursed song today, you’ll only destroy 80% of the objects around you. Recovery is a slow process.

Cancer: There is an aggression to you today. There is an aggression to you all the time. There is an aggression to all things, it is simply your turn on the wheel.

Leo: The hunger you feel is not for food.

Capricorn: Woo her. She is terrifying isn’t she?

Gemini: You are hunting the guy down seven years later and bashing his knees in with a pipe.

Capricorn: What happens when you open a door marked “exit” and all you find is another hallway?

Ophiuchus: Nothing makes a friendship like shared intense suffering.

Taurus: Analog recording devices are surprisingly sensitive. Listen to your old tapes again and hear the tiny voices that whisper along with the song.

Taurus: Clawing your way back out has dulled your talons and blunted your fangs, you are a soft and gentle creature for it. You can buy a knife at most stores.

Sagittarius: When you needed patience, you thought of those who loved you. When you needed fury, you thought of those who hurt you. When you needed strength, you thought of yourself. When you needed just one more chance to get it right, you thought of that cat.

Libra: Keep a journal and write down everything you see, it may save the life of whoever finds it.

Libra: Did you feel it? Just now, the world ended. There's no going back. Saddle up and find a mask.

Leo: The night is long, the tea is hot, the eyes are plenty.

Ophiuchus: Your eyes can’t lie to you if you don't have any eyes.

Aries: Now is the time to try new things! Experience new forms of pain! Suffer in new and interesting ways!

Cancer: Someone is missing from that big social meeting you’ve got planned! Luckily they were just preoccupied with being suspended in limbo between life and death.

Libra: If someone says they have power over you, don't believe them until you see for yourself. Test those limits.

Aquarius: The danger you pose to others is dwarfed by your ability and desire to help. Nothing is without its dangers. You know this more than anyone.

Taurus: Turn some of your energy towards improving the space around you, especially if the space around you is bad and the energy is heat. Burn your house down.

Virgo: The stars say an authority member might be causing you some minor trouble. The important thing to remember during professional squabbles is to use your psychic powers to rip them apart with the strength of your will alone.

Taurus: It's a tough thing, allowing yourself to be known. The stars say the time may be coming up, are you ready? Too bad fucko, it's happening anyway.

Ophiuchus: Hiding under the covers actually works with some things. It is technically a threshold and so some things do actually have to be invited.

Cancer: Watch for a box that carries no address. Do not open it. It will be gone tomorrow.

Ophiuchus: Your choices are yours alone. This is important to remember, especially when not making choices.

Scorpio: Goddamit Goddamit shut the fuck up and tell a story.

Sagittarius: That could be you in a few years. Keep your feet about you.

Gemini: There is a deep and old power in that of the image. As long as cameras existed they have been a tool to tell what is really there.

#fandom: magnus archives #not a reblog

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zims-left-shoe · 5 years ago

Text

Agent Mothman (Dib x Male Reader)

Like most of my other fics, characters are aged up to high school. Plus, a friendly reminder that my request box is open!!

The silence was overwhelming. The pressure of everyone's collective held breath was almost palpable, your chest reactively tightening for no good reason. As you looked around you, eyes were wide, jaws were set and clenched in preparation to cringe. The only two who stuck out from the crowd were Zim and Dib, when did they not? Zim looked lost in thought, mind seemingly several thousand galaxies away, hands folded together neatly in front of his face, his chin resting on them. Dib, on the other hand, appeared to be over the whole ordeal. His posture was slouched as he stared ahead at the board through half-lidded eyes. As the quiet persisted, an anxious energy settled over your classmates (besides the two previously mentioned, of course). Eyes twitched, fingernails scraped the tables, feet began to tap restlessly on the floor.

"Y/n." The teacher finally spoke, bringing the whole class to sigh in relief, the building pressure suddenly released all at once. Many students leaned back in their chairs, high fiving each other. "Y/n, you will be partnered with Dib." You shrugged your shoulders as many looked to you in pity, some even whispering their sympathies. You had never aligned yourself with any group in particular throughout your school year. Granted, you were only a few months in, but you had switched schools so much you had learned to play the field. You avoided Dib considering his stigma, enabling you to be tolerated by the majority, however you were never mean to him. In fact, you rather liked him. You only chose to silently observe him rather than act upon your curiosity.

"But wait, who's going to be paired with Zim?" You heard a student groan, everyone's breath being held once more. You let your gaze drift over to your partner. He seemed relieved, a slight smile settling on his lips. This was probably the best case scenario for everyone. No one else had to work with Dib, and you were the only one who never picked on him for being just a bit different.

Once your teacher had finished reading names, you were all asked to sit with your partners. Without an ounce of reluctance, you sauntered over to Dib's otherwise empty table, taking one of the many available seats surrounding him. You needed to figure out a plan quickly, considering you only had one night to do the project. The project wasn't super taxing, in fact it seemed almost like busy work that would promote socialization at the same time, but it wasn't like your time frame was ideal.

"Dib, right?" You held up your hand in a slight wave. "I don't think I've officially introduced myself. I'm Y/n."

"I know. The new kid who has no real friends yet is somehow still deemed acceptable by the popular kids? An anomaly for sure." Red painted his face, his eyes widening as he realized how his words may have came off as. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude. Or creepy. You know what? I'll just stop talking." An awkward chuckle escaped your lips as his eyes fell to his sneakers. After a slight pause, Dib spoke again, his tone much more reserved than before. "I can just do the whole project and you can put your name on it if you want. It's not that hard." He was giving you an out, not wanting to piss you off. Reaching an arm out, you slugged his shoulder lightly.

"Nah, come on. I don't roll that way. Besides, I want to hang out with you a little."

"You...want to hang out...with me?" Dib pointed a finger to himself, eyes wide behind his large glasses. An incredulous expression was etched into every single feature of his face, as if he couldn't believe those words left your mouth.

"Yeah." After that syllable, the bell rang, dismissing you from school. You stood up, gathering your things. "Anyway, I'll be at your place after dinner. Just text me your address or whatever." You quickly scribbled your digits down on a scrap piece of paper that was laying around, passing it to him. "See ya!" You dashed away, sneaking one last glance back to see Dib still sitting in his chair, as still as a statue, not believing that this was even happening.

Your stomach felt as if it was full of butterflies, and you couldn't shake the grin that had spread across your face as you began your walk home.

God...he was even cuter than I thought... You were embarrassed by your own thoughts, pinching yourself on the arm. Truth was, you may or may not have been stalking him a little. He lived in your neighborhood, and you just couldn't help it. You had always been a hopeless romantic of sorts, and all it took was one look at him in class giving a presentation on the gremlin in his backyard and you were in love. You didn't even need his address, you knew where he lived, but you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable, so you asked for it anyway. Plus, it was a way to sneak him your number. And it wasn't as if you were actively trying to find out where he lived. It was pretty much impossible to ignore him and Zim screaming at each other as they ran back and forth between their houses all day.

"This is going to be a long night." You sighed out, foot striking out to kick a rock, the satisfying skittering sounds it made calming your nerves a small amount.

You drew in a deep breath as you brought your fist to the door, rapping on it a few times. Rocking back on your heels, you clutched your notebook and other supplies tightly to your chest, internally cringing at yourself. Everyone at school thought you were incredibly cool, but on the inside, you were just a lovesick gay who was overflowing with big dumb energy. The door swung open, bringing you to jump and be pulled from your motivational speech that was being given inside your head.

"Come on in. I'm surprised you showed up." Dib stepped aside to let you in, gesturing past the living room to the kitchen where a purple-haired girl sat at a table, picking at the remaining food on her plate. A floating monitor hovered near the table as well. "We're just finishing dinner, but you can follow me if you want." Nodding, you padded behind the social outcast wordlessly, taking a seat next to him at the table. "Gaz, this is Y/n, my partner for my project. Y/n, this is my sister Gaz."

"Hey." You waved to the girl. Her expression remained squinty as she continued to pick at her food, eyes dancing between her plate and a Game Slave which was charging on the counter.

"Whatever." She grumbled, never even directly acknowledging your existence once. You began to wonder if Dib was actually the most normal out of his entire family, which was saying something. Dib awkwardly cleared his throat as he pointed to the floating monitor, which displayed a man in a lab coat and goggles furiously working on something.

"Oh, and this is my dad. He's at work right now, like usual. When he can't be with us for dinner, he either videocalls us from his lab or plays a pre-recorded video reminding us of chores and dinner instructions." Despite how sad the things he had just said sounded, not an ounce of bitterness was up for display on his face. Instead, his eyes shone with pride, happy to have a dad who was making a difference in the world, even if he could never really be a conventional father. "Anyway, just let me clean up and then we can get to work." Dib stood up, bringing his own plate over to the sink and running it under water, placing it in in its respective place in the dishwasher afterwards. Waving for you to follow him, he led you down the hall to a room that was clearly his. The door was covered in posters and stickers of aliens and other supernatural creatures, a good sized "Keep Out" sign the centerpiece. You wondered what would be inside, becoming excited. You figured you were the first person besides his own family to be seeing his room. He twisted the knob, casually pushing the door open, allowing you to step inside.

"Wow..." You trailed off as you glanced around. There was so much to look at. Your eyes darted from one thing to the next, barely able to take it all in. There were several computer monitors surrounding a desk that was littered in papers and catalogues for supernatural hunting items, a few prototypes of possibly his dad's inventions scattered there as well. His room was lined with posters of aliens and other entities, an important looking briefcase thrown haphazardly onto his bed. The one thing that held your gaze the longest was a ginormous cork board. Several photos, drawings, diagrams, and hurried scribbles of notes were tacked up there, filling it to the max. Each paper was connected with color coded strings, things circled in colored pen seemingly at random, although you knew better. It was the definition of organized chaos. In large, bold, red letters, one word was scrawled on a paper at the top of the board: ZIM.

"I'm sorry, I tried to clean it as best I could. It's still kind of a mess." Dib hurriedly stacked papers together on his desk, trying to make it look presentable.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. You should see my room. Half of my shit isn't even out of boxes yet, and we moved in months ago." You laughed, sitting down on his floor. "So, alien invasion, huh? Isn't Zim that kid with the skin condition?" You asked, gesturing to his cork board. His shoulders tensed as he unplugged his computer and brought it down to the ground, taking a seat beside you.

"Could we just get to work? Please?" He seemed to want to sweep that subject under the rug, and you decided that you would let him.

"Okay...so anyway, this research poster. You got a topic in mind?" Your prompt drew him out of his unsociable shell, albeit hesitantly.

"Personally, I was thinking Area 51, but if you wanted to do something else..." He genuinely appeared to not want to upset you, despite usually not caring about how he came off to others.

"That sounds great, Dib. Interesting too. You think they're really hiding aliens there?" Laying down on your stomach, you rested your face in the palms of your hands, gearing up for a long talk. A smile crept onto your face as immediately his eyes lit up.

"I'm glad you asked."

"I think we have the essentials. Now we just need to get them onto the poster, which is probably the most time consuming part." Dib stretched his arms towards the ceiling while you yawned and cracked your back. You didn't know how long you had been sitting on the floor for, but a glance to the clock by his bed told you it was 8:01 pm. The two of you had spent the last couple of hours researching, organizing notes, and mainly just talking about yourselves. You had no idea why everyone constantly was ragging on him. You found him to be incredibly interesting and entertaining, hanging onto every single word he spoke. You weren't really sure if you believed in all of these supernatural creatures, but you also didn't think that they couldn't exist.

"I think so too. You ready to start on the poster now?" Reaching out, you gathered the posterboard and construction paper Dib had brought in from his garage together.

"Yeah, in a minute. I have to use the bathroom and then see what Gaz is up to, I'll be back in a few." You hummed a response, Dib standing up and exiting, closing the door softly behind him. Deciding to take a closer look at the Zim conspiracy board, you pushed yourself to your feet, leaning close to try and decipher the grainy images. One in particular caught your eye. It wasn't in color, and everything seemed fairly blurry. Zim, or what was supposedly Zim, was hunched over something that looked to be a robot. Except, as you looked even closer, Zim seemed to have these buggish eyes and long, skinny antennae in place of his hair. Rubbing your eyes, you flopped down onto Dib's bed.

"God, I must be seeing things." You had managed to convince yourself that you had been staring at computer screens and papers for far too long, and that your eyes were playing tricks on you, showing you what Dib wanted you to see. Closing your eyes for a minute, the rise and fall of your chest turned slow and steady, and you could feel your grip on reality loosening.

A ringtone of sorts snapped you back from your almost-doze, and at first you thought it was your phone, but after waking up a bit more, you realized it was coming from one of Dib's monitors. It appeared he was getting a call. The monitor showed nothing besides a logo of some sort of eye, as well as an option to accept the call or decline. Filled with curiosity, your feet took you to his desk where his monitor sat. You barely felt in control of your body as your finger swiped at the screen in the direction to accept the call.

"Agent Mothman-" The voice coming through the monitor was distorted, but you got the impression that it was on purpose. The image displayed was a dark silhouette of what seemed to be a man. "You're not Mothman."

"You mean that cryptid from West Virginia? No. I'm not." You took a seat in Dib's desk chair, which was very comfy. You assumed he spent a lot of time in it when he wasn't hanging out with Zim.

"Who are you and what do you know?" The voice was menacing, and you vaguely wondered if Dib was involved in something more serious than you thought. Quirking an eyebrow, you tried to not let any miniscule amount of fear you were feeling show.

"I'm, we'll just say Agent, uh...Nessie." Feeling uncreative, your mind drifted to the Loch Ness Monster.

"You're not Nessie either."

"You got one of those too? Ugh, fine. What about Agent Chupacabra?"

"Well, no, but...you're not any agent we know of."

"But I could be! Agent Chupacabra reporting for duty!" You brought your hand up to your head stiffly in a mock salute.

"But you're not a member of the Swollen Eyeball! What are you doing on Mothman's computer?"

"The Swollen what now?" You were smiling stupidly, only because you couldn't really grasp what the current situation was.

"Hey, sorry, Gaz decided to hound me over drinking the last soda, so I took a little longer than I thought-" Dib opened the door to reveal you sitting in his desk chair, trying to look all spooky for the guy in the monitor. You thought he'd laugh at your stupidity, but he was not in the least bit amused. "OH MY GOD AGENT DARK BOOTY!" Slamming his room door, he darted over to where you were sitting, almost tripping and falling on his face. He made a strangled noise as he noticed the disappointed expression that rested on the silhouette's face.

"Who is your little friend, Agent Mothman?" The distorted voice was cold, and you could feel Dib almost shrink next to you.

"Listen, I can explain-"

"I thought we stressed secrecy, and the fact that you are not allowed to have outsiders sit in on our important meetings."

"Meeting?" All of a sudden, several of the other monitors sparked to life, various other silhouettes coming into view. Just in one glance, you could see that Dib wanted nothing more than to fade away into a cloud of space dust in that moment. You stayed silent, knowing that Dib was in some serious trouble because of you.

"We had a meeting at 8:30 pm sharp, Mothman. You knew this. And you had a friend over?" Dib's face, already pale, turned even more so. Any lighter, and you thought for sure he'd become a ghost on the spot.

"I am so sorry, I had a school project, and he's my partner, I lost track of time." He looked absolutely helpless, and without a word, you stood up and gathered the poster supplies. Snapping back to his senses, he turned to you and began shoving you out of his room and herding you to the front door.

"Dib, I-"

"You really need to go!" There were no other words said between the two of you as he quite literally slammed the door in your face. A sigh slipped past your lips as you clutched your project items in your arms, dragging your feet across the pavement on your walk home. You lazily stumbled through your front door, mumbling a greeting to your parent(s) as you headed to your room, gearing yourself up to finish the project before morning.

"Thank you to Y/n and Dib for their, erm, informative...presentation on Area 51. That was your last one, so enjoy your last five or so minutes of class." Your teacher went back to their desk as you and Dib retreated to your own table. You hadn't talked much since the incident last night, and quite frankly, you were tired from spending hours of your night creating the visual portion of your project. Dib's lips were tightly pressed together in a thin line, and you guessed there was something he wanted to get off his chest.

"Look, Dib. If there's something you want to say to me, just do it. I'm sorry for answering your call, that was not a good move on my part, and I also apologize for getting you in trouble with your, uh...society." Running a hand through his dark hair, Dib shook his head.

"No, that was my bad. I forgot I had a meeting. I'm also really sorry for kicking you out and then forcing you to finish the project on your own." Your expression softened, unable to resist forgiving him.

"Yeah, that was kind of a dick move." You elbowed him jokingly, hoping he would loosen up now that bygones were bygones.

"No, seriously. How can I make it up to you?" He looked as if he wouldn't be taking no for an answer. He had gotten a taste of what having someone who genuinely enjoyed being around him was like, and he wasn't willing to let that go. A sly grin tugged at your lips, and almost immediately an idea came to mind.

"Consider yourself forgiven if you take me ghost hunting, or whatever it is you do." His shoulders tensed, but relaxed when he realized you weren't making fun of him.

"Well, you're in luck. I just received a case file investigation last night on a bigfoot lead. I'll pick you up at eight, if that works?" His words were cautious, almost as if he still believed you were phishing.

"It's a date!" You cheered happily, already excited about getting to spend more time with him. A faint blush dusted his cheeks at your wordage.

"Of-Of course." He stammered out, grateful for the bell that rang not even a second after.

"See you tonight, Dib!" You waved as you made your way home, wanting eight to come as fast as possible.

"He knows the project is over, right?" Torque Smacky raised an eyebrow, questioning Dib and wondering why someone as cool as you would be hanging around with a guy like Dib by choice.

The doorbell rang, and you sprang up from where you sat on the couch, overjoyed to head out. Practically throwing open the door revealed Dib in all of his trench coat glory, albeit a bit nervous looking and sweaty.

"Alright Mr. Mothman, where are we going?" You grabbed onto his arm, eventually linking it with your own. He cringed at the nickname, but resisted nothing else.

"To the park. Apparently, some woman saw bigfoot there the other night. Also, fun fact, I saw bigfoot in my garage one time. He was using the belt sander." Your eyes widened, and you immediately realized why everyone called him crazy. You took it upon yourself to believe him. He obviously believed in himself, so why shouldn't you?

"Interesting. You see any other spooks in your time here?" He shrugged as you walked.

"I mean, I think a few ghosts and, well, aliens of course, but we've been over that. Also, I have vague memories of being abducted by aliens as a kid. I think they were trying to experiment on me to create some sort of genius super baby or something." You couldn't help the laughter that tumbled from your mouth. It wasn't necessarily laughing at him, more so that you weren't sure how else to respond. You didn't want to put him down, but at the same time, his story was very out there. And although you weren't 100% on board with the whole supernatural thing, you believed in him and his words. If that was his truth, you would stand by it. "You ever see anything supernatural?" You pointed a finger to yourself, as if to ask, 'me?'.

"Well, I mean...I did live in West Virginia for a while when I was younger...a lot younger. And then we moved around a lot." Your eyes instinctively narrowed as you tried to recall those times with you and your neighborhood friends. "And, you know, Mothman was like the local legend. He's basically a celebrity down there."

"No way! Did you actually, like, see him?" If you didn't already have it, you sure had his full attention now.

"No. I believed in him for a while, but we never saw him, and as I got older and distanced myself from there, I just kind of figured it was bullshit. My friends and I, we would go out at night trying to hunt for him with flashlights and stuff. Sometimes we'd bring lamps onto the porch and plug them in, building little 'Welcome, Mothman' forts to sleep in." You chuckled, remembering how much you had believed in all the spookies and specters as a child.

"That's adorable." Dib's lips were parted in a smile as he continued to lead you deeper into the park. You weren't sure when you had actually gotten there, but you weren't really paying much attention.

"Well, maybe we could do that together some time. I know Mothman isn't really big in this part of the country, but who knows. Maybe he'll come." Softly bumping Dib in the side, you were pleased to see his smile only grow.

"I'd like that." The nice moment was interrupted by rustling of the trees, and Dib turned on his flashlight, pointing it to the treetops. "There!"

"I thought bigfoot was more on the ground!" You called as you raced after him. You both came to a grinding halt, your feet skidding in the grass to try and avoid ramming straight into Dib's back. The boy you were with aggressively pointed his flashlight into the tree, resulting in a loud hiss from whatever was up there. "Maybe it's just a cat, Dib!" You tried to pull him away, not really liking how riled up he was at the moment.

"Zim! What are you doing here?! What evil things are you planning?"

"Zim?" You looked upwards, following the beam of the flashlight. Sure enough, there was a green body hunched in a tree branch, a robot of some sort next to him.

"None of your business, Dib-stink!" Zim spat, turning to face your friend. It was then you got a good look at his face. It wasn't the slightly abnormal one you were used to seeing every day. His eyes were red and buglike, sleek, black antennae sprouting from his head.

"Holy shit, Dib. You're not crazy." You flicked your flashlight on as well, aiming it at who you thought was your classmate. "He really is an alien!" A strangled cry came from the alien sitting atop the tree branch.

"GIR! Do something!"

"Yes, master!" The once cheerful-looking robot suddenly turned much more serious, dropping down from the branch to where the two of you were standing. You yelped, unsure of what this thing was capable of.

"Relax, his robot is pretty much usele-" Dib began, but his sentence came to an abrupt end when several missals and other weapons emerged from his head.

"How do you like GIR's new adjustments, Dib? I finally got his behavioral chip fixed to where he's responsive, but not too serious." Zim smirked, and with the point of one of his clawed fingers, his robot was on the two of you.

Simultaneously, both of you let out a scream, reaching desperately for each other's hands as you ran for your lives back to Dib's place. Your feet pounded the pavement, lungs feeling as if someone was raking knives down your throat and organs, yet despite all that, you both refused to look back. Only when you were on his porch did you feel comfortable sneaking a glace behind you, only to find an empty street lit up by streetlights. Breathing heavily, the two of you leaned on each other for support. Dib looked very worse for wear. He didn't seem to be too athletically inclined.

"I think...we lost him..." You spoke between gasps for air, grinning all the while. He nodded vigorously, still wheezing. After the two of you had regained your breath, you both managed to catch each other's gaze. You felt every portion of your brain that was in charge of thinking shut down as you leaned in closer to him. You were barely even aware of what you were doing as you pressed your lips to his. His eyes looked as if they were about to burst from his skull, but after a moment, they eased shut as he relaxed into the kiss. You pulled away, feeling heat rush to your cheeks, almost as if your face was on fire. Your stomach was tied in too many knots to even look at Dib, but if you had, you would have seen that he wasn't fairing much better. In fact, he was probably in worse condition. "Thanks for the night of fun, Agent Mothman."

"Uh-huh." He mumbled out, and his brain looked miles away. You decided just to go home before you did or said anything else that could be classified as stupid. As you power-walked away, Dib's hand found its way to his lips, where the feeling and warmth of your own still lingered.

#invader zim #fanfic #fanfiction #dib membrane #dib x reader #invader zim x reader #invader zim fic #invader zim fanfiction #oneshot #one shot #invader zim oneshot #invader zim one shot

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delicatenightstarlight · 4 years ago

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My experience in CollegeTips.in

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By Devika Singh

#CollegeTips #collegetipsinternship

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and-damntheconsequences · 5 years ago

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Ooh can I have some Merlin headcanons please? Maybe about his mental health and how living that long would affect him? Danke!

Ooh interesting. Yes you can, and thank you for the ask 💞💕

These are like, all post-canon based, but here you go:

~ The paranoia he developed through S5 over trying to protect Arthur didn't disappear after Arthur died. That fear had become such a key part of him it couldn't just go away.

~ Instead it morphed into fear of failing Camelot. He decided that protecting Arthur's legacy was his "new" destiny, and focused all his attention to that, which meant he couldn't give himself the chance to step back and forgive himself for what happened. He didn't heal.

~ When Camelot eventually fell, it broke him just as much as Arthur's death had, but this time there was no outlet, and he fell into heavy depression, and essentially vanished from society for several full decades. It was Aithusa who eventually came to find him, and gave him some sort of purpose to hold onto.

~ He tried to protect the people of "Albion" even as it stopped being called that, out of respect for what Arthur would have wanted him to do. His life was still heavily focused on Arthur to the point of obsession.

~ Every time terrible things happened that he couldn't prevent (invasions, executions, wars, disasters, etc) he took the failure very personally.

~ There was a period of time, shortly after Aithusa's death, where he considered using magic to change his memories, or destroy his mind. He'd go insane, but he wouldn't remember all the pain. The only reason he didn't do this is because he still had some hope that Arthur might come back, and Arthur would need him. He wasn't ready to give up on him yet.

~ During the Enlightenment, he studied in the medical fields, and worked as a doctor, using magic to heal people and keep them safe. He was healing, and learning that he wasn't just for Arthur, or even just for others. He could have purpose. Yes, he'd started healing lots before, but with every new disaster, had fallen into self destructive ways of thinking. The Enlightenment was probably when he was happiest overall since Camelot fell, in terms of his own outlook on his life and his purpose. Because it was a time of discovery and also let him help people more.

~ However, I also think it's very likely he fell victim to the drug culture in Victorian England, after the invention of the hypodermic needle and importation of many new drugs. I don't know much about drug abuse so I won't say much on that, but that was likely a very tough and difficult time for him, and he was glad more than anything that Arthur never saw him like that.

~ That would also mean that he would have fully recovered from that, to the start of two world wars.

~ He would suffer from incredibly significant PTSD and trauma, and I don't think magic would be able to fix that. Though I do think his magic would have to have some sort of impact and help keep him somewhat stable because otherwise it wouldn't have taken long for him to completely fall apart mentally, and I'm not sure I can emotionally deal with the idea of Arthur finding him like that...

~ I also hc that he was deeply afraid of fire after the witch trials and the burning times, which peaked in the 16th and 17th centuries. I think he would have had an active role in trying to save people there, sometimes succeeding and sometimes failing with horrible consequences. After that ended, he was left unable to look at fire, or sleep at night with fire around him. He lived in complete darkness every night after sundown, until the invention of the lightbulb.

I hope those kind of fit. I've talked about Merlin in the Burning Times before just because I think that with the links to magic that would be an interesting (though horrible) concept. I'd hope that his magic would help his mind somewhat, otherwise there's no way he'd cope, but his mental health is going to be horrifically suffering whatever happens...

#merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin emrys #merlin headcanon #merlin headcanons #merlin asks

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winryofresembool · 4 years ago

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Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 18

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: Leo's life is hard (but maybe there's some hope left).

A/N: Yay, time for a new chapter! I decided to make Friday my new posting day so that’s when the future updates will (hopefully) happen.

It's not time to resolve the previous drama quite yet but dw, that's coming! Meanwhile, I hope you'll enjoy this Leo centered chapter. It’s also time to bring Frank in!

Don't forget to let me know what you think! :)

Characters in this ch: Leo, Frank, Georgina, Jo, Emmie

Words: 1700+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / next chapter / AO3

...

“Maldita sea!” Leo yelled at himself as his wrench flew at the wall, thankfully not causing damage to it. Nothing he tried to fix or build that day seemed to go right. He hadn’t been able to figure out a pretty basic seeming issue in someone’s phone, one of his own inventions had broken and even solving a physics problem that would usually have managed to distract him only felt frustrating.

There was a lot going on in Leo’s head. Well, he’d argue that he always had a lot going on there due to his ADHD, but this time his usual methods to calm himself down didn’t seem to work. He would probably have to quit studying the only field he was truly interested in. He couldn’t do his work. His flatmate for whom he may or may not have started slowly developing some very not flatmate appropriate feelings had apparently had a thing for his friend, which not only complicated Leo’s situation with Calypso but also with Percy. And his mother’s death anniversary was coming, which was always a hard time for him. Leo imagined she’d probably be so disappointed if she saw him now. ‘My son, a failure in every aspect of life’. No, Leo’s real mother had been way too nice to actually say something like that out loud, but he just knew she’d at least think that. And Jo, Emmie and Georgina were counting on him too.

After throwing the wrench, Leo decided to take a break because his hands had started shaking too much to continue working. Taking a deep breath, he leaned against his worktable, closed his eyes and started tapping a rhythm that he had memorized years ago. His mother had taught him Morse code when he was a kid, and this particular phrase was one she had used a lot when he had needed calming down. Written down, the code looked like this:

.. .-.. --- ...- . -.-- --- ..-

I l o v e y o u

He whispered it very quietly a couple of times before looking out from the window and saying aloud:

“Mom. I’m trying to be strong. I really am. But sometimes it just gets too fucking hard. Everything seemed to be fine. Really. My other family is great. I was studying something I actually cared about. My new flatmate… uh, she’s an interesting force of nature. But if she likes someone like Percy… I’d never have a chance. And all my career plans are about to run down to the sewers because I can’t use fire, in any way. Not because of what happened to you. Because of what I... I just feel lost.”

He took a deep breath and rubbed the corner of his eye dry quickly. Saying his thoughts aloud seemed to make him feel a little bit better, and he decided that maybe getting out of the flat and getting some exercise would help with the shakiness. To his relief Calypso wasn’t home either so he didn’t have to answer any awkward questions about why he looked like such a mess. Leo found himself jogging all the way to Waystation, which was several miles from his flat. As he reached the yard, he noticed Georgina with Festus, but even with her back to him he could sense something was wrong. Of course. There was always some way the day could get even worse.

“Hi, hermanita!” he started, trying to sound cheerful even though he didn’t think he was a very good actor. Georgie could probably see right through him. His suspicions were confirmed when Festus didn’t even run to greet him as he usually did. “What’s going on?”

“I tried to call you,” she said, hiding her worry badly. “Moms went to run some errands and something… something happened to him…”

“What do you mean? What exactly happened?” Leo insisted on knowing.

Georgina seemed to grow more and more upset each moment. “I… I gave him a bully stick… but I forgot to put it in a holder even though moms always say you should do that when you give him one because he always tries to swallow them so fast… And then he started feeling sick...”

To prove her point, Festus, who was laying on the ground, made a loud gagging sound. After that he tried to whine but even that didn’t sound like it usually did.

Leo’s ADHD kicked immediately in, in the form of him wanting to act fast.

“We’ll discuss this later, I need to borrow Jo’s car now that I can take him to the vet,” he exclaimed and ran inside the house to get the keys to the car from the spot Jo usually kept them. He picked them and Festus’ leash and ran back, telling Georgina to stay home to tell Jo and Emmie what happened when they’d return.

At least one thing went right that day: the emergency vet clinic was fairly quiet when Leo arrived there. Not long after that, the vet took Festus in. He had an intern with him; a young man who Leo suspected had his roots somewhere in East Asia. He had black, short hair, a bulky body and kind of child like face even though the intern was probably older than Leo. As the vet asked Leo some questions about what exactly had happened to Festus, the student wrote down some notes and occasionally added a short comment as well. When Leo was about to explain why exactly Festus had gotten issues with the bully stick, he heard the intern mutter something to himself.

“What was that?” Leo asked a bit more aggressively than he had planned, having already been stressed even before the issue with Festus had come up. He had to admit, though, that it had distracted him from the other issues.

“Nothing,” the intern quickly said, pretending to focus on his papers again.

Leo didn’t give up that easily. “I heard you, though. You were implying that I had somehow caused this.”

“Well, you did give him the bully stick, didn’t you?” the young man asked.

“I wasn’t even there when he got one!” Leo growled, starting to feel the frustrations from earlier that day flooding out of his system. “My… uh, little sister gave him one when our parents left to run some errands and he kept whining and wanted something to chew! It wasn’t her fault either, she’s a child and she didn’t know that could happen!”

“Mister Valdez, please calm down a bit,” the vet interrupted him, and Leo immediately shut up. “There’s no need to yell. Festus is going to be just fine; I’m going to give him some medicine and fluids to help with digesting the stick and we can watch how he’s doing overnight. And Frank, please don’t make assumptions like that about clients.”

“Yes, sir,” Frank said, to Leo’s surprise actually looking regretful. Then he turned to Leo. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“Nah, I kinda lost my cool there too…” Leo said, the frustration leaving when he saw Frank’s face.

“Kinda,” the intern said, attempting to joke about the situation.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that;” Leo rubbed the back of his neck.

After that the vet asked Leo a couple of more questions and did some more examinations on Festus while Frank helped him.

“Other than this stick issue, he seems like a healthy dog,” the vet complimented after the check up. “His fur and teeth look good. I think you’ve been taking good care of him.”

“Well, to be honest he lives more with my parents than me because they have a lot more space…” Leo said, “But yeah, we all try our best. Even Georgina, my sister.”

“I’m glad to hear that. It’s a good thing you got him here that fast so he’ll get the best possible treatment,” The vet said.

After that he wrote some notes on the computer and then dismissed Leo who scratched Festus from behind his ear and promised to come back soon to get him. As he was putting his jean jacket on in the lobby, the intern, Frank, approached him.

“About what happened earlier, I really am sorry. It isn’t like me to attack clients; you can even ask my boss about that. I just…”

“Chill, man,” Leo said. “I’ve heard this story before. People assume things about me because I look like a problem teenager. Truth to be told? You’re not entirely wrong. But things have changed. And trust me, Festus is my best friend and I’d do anything for him. I’m sure Georgie has learned her lesson too now.”

“Good to hear that,” Frank said and extended his arm to Leo. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow when you’re coming to get Festus.”

Leo nodded. “Yep, I have a feeling my whole family will want to join me. Anyway, I’m off now. Thanks for the help!”

“I’m glad we could help!” Frank told him before he started walking towards his car.

...

Jo and Emmie had already returned to Waystation when Leo got there.

“Is everything OK?” Emmie asked immediately. “We didn’t really get much out of Georgina… Just that something had happened to Festus and you took him to the vet.”

“Nah, it’s gonna be fine!” Leo reassured her. “He got some digestion issues because he gobbled a bully stick too fast but that’s being taken care of now. Georgie sure remembers to be more careful from now on, won’t ya, hermanita?” he addressed the young girl then.

“I will…” she promised, not even protesting about the nickname this time.

Once Leo had explained with more details what had happened at the vet and it became clear that Festus would be fine soon, the family moved to other matters. Unlike usually, Leo was happy with mostly listening to the others. The incident had reminded him that there were bigger matters than girl issues or his studies and he realized that those things didn’t feel quite as hard to overcome now as a few hours ago. Yes, he still needed to deal with them, and yes, his past would probably never stop entirely haunting him, but when he had people like this around him? It wouldn’t be impossible.

#caleo #leo valdez #calypso #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #percy jackson and the olympians #my fics #caleo uni au

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singledarkshade · 4 years ago

Text

New Old Friend

Part Three

(Part One and Part Two can be found here) Jack grimaced as he listened to the tenth complaint phone call in a row about power outages. Glancing over to where Jo sat, he saw she was listening to something very similar.

“Okay, Mr Fredrickson,” Jack said, finally managing to get a word in, “We’ll look into it.”

Hanging up he sighed, waiting for Jo to finish her conversation.

“Call Henry?” Jo asked the moment she’d hung up.

“Please,” Jack clasped his hands together. He headed over to their small chalkboard they had and cleaned it. He updated it to read, ‘0 days since something weird has happened.’ They’d never made it to 4 days never mind a full week.

Jo appeared at his side and handed him the phone, “Henry.”

“Henry,” Jack said the instant he took the phone, “We’ve had calls that there are a lot of power surges and outages around town. Tell me it’s not you.”

There was a pause before the other man replied, “Not from anything I have going on just now.”

Jack sighed, “Damn. That means GD is more than likely to be the culprit. I might need your expertise while I check this out.”

“We’ll meet you there,” Henry said before hanging up.

Frowning slightly, Jack mused, “We?”

Henry hung up the phone turning to where Rip and Gideon were scanning over some of his inventions. The AI was impressive but also very opinionated.

Henry loved her.

“Problem?” Rip asked.

Henry nodded, “I think your shard may be causing some power problems in town. I’m heading to Global Dynamics. Feel like coming along?”

Rip smiled interested, “I assume I have the credentials.”

“Who do you think you’re talking to?” Henry tried to look offended but didn’t quite manage to get rid of his smile, “Your ID badge is in the wallet I gave you.”

Gideon frowned, “I assume I will be turned off.”

Rip bit his lip at her tart inquiry as Henry turned to her.

“Actually no,” he smiled, “GD is used to people field testing their experiments. Although we might want to avoid Fargo, he is our current AI expert.”

Gideon smiled sweetly making Henry chuckle at how Rip rolled his eyes. Grabbing his coat Henry led them out to the truck. Rip climbed inside and Gideon appeared to sit between them.

Starting to drive, Henry smiled as he saw Gideon study their surroundings.

“Dr Deacon,” she said, “I am intrigued by the town. You stated that it was created for those with genius intelligence?”

Henry nodded, “Back in the fifties Albert Einstein and President Truman founded the town as a haven for the smartest people in the country. To give them a place to create and learn. It wasn’t much at first but soon the town grew.”

“It is a shame we do not have a place like this within our own universe,” Gideon noted thoughtfully, “It would have been a good place to relocate the children after we removed the Time Masters.”

Rip shrugged before musing, “It would be an interesting place to have grown up,” sadness filled his voice, “Or to raise a child.”

Gideon shook her head so Henry wouldn’t ask Rip anything, she didn’t say anything further simply watching the scenery fly by. Reaching GD, Henry was pleased by the soft impressed noise Rip made when he drove through the shield surrounding it.

“Hologrammatic shielding,” Rip noted, “Impressive.”

Henry nodded, “There are a lot of top-secret projects within this building, we need good security.”

“Of course,” Rip nodded, a small smirk on his face.

Henry frowned, “What?”

“I believe Captain Hunter has already worked out several ways to infiltrate this building,” Gideon noted amused.

Glancing at the other man, Henry frowned at the slight shrug, “Just try to refrain from doing anything that will get you thrown in federal prison. Or do you know how to escape from that too?”

Innocence covered Rip’s face as they climbed out the truck and started to the front door. Henry pulled out his security badge and motioned Rip to show his. The guard studied it for a second before turning to Gideon.

“She isn’t real,” Henry said before explaining Gideon was an ‘experiment’ Rip was working on.

Looking extremely impressed the guard motioned them inside and Henry led them to the rotunda. Turning he found Gideon glaring at him.

“I’m not real?” she demanded sharply.

“He didn’t mean it like that, Gideon,” Rip soothed, “It was a simple way to get past the guard without going into the technical specifications.” Giving a sniff she turned to look around and Rip shrugged, “She may forgive you sometime soon.”

Henry moved to stand in front of Gideon, “I am extremely sorry I called you not real, Gideon. I never intended to insult you.”

Gideon smiled and nodded graciously before turning to Rip, “You should be taking notes.”

Before Rip could retort a call came making them turn to see Jack jogging over to them.

Jack Carter had the look of a man who knew he was about to step into an insane asylum, a look Rip often saw on his own face when dealing with the Legends.

“I called Alison,” Jack said as he reached them, “She should be meeting us soon.” He looked at Gideon and asked, “Who is this?”

“I am Gideon,” she replied, “It is a pleasure to meet you, Sheriff.”

Jack moved to shake her hand stunned when it went through hers, “What?”

Henry laughed, “Sorry, Jack. Gideon is an AI, very advanced. Rip is testing an interface.”

Rip turned showing the disc attached to his temple, “Henry agreed to help me with the experiment.”

“What do you want, Carter?” a bored voice came from behind them.

Rip turned with the other two men to see a tall man with a sneer of superiority on his face walking with an elegant woman whose air of authority marked her as the boss.

“Nathan,” she scolded the man at her side before turning to them, “Carter, Henry and,” she paused at Rip, “Dr Hunter I presume.”

Rip nodded and took her offered hand, “Yes,” he said before adding, “And this is Gideon, my AI companion.”

“Dr Alison Blake,” she introduced herself to both of them, “Gideon, you are incredible.”

Gideon smiled back, “Thank you, Dr Blake.”

“Please don’t,” Rip muttered, “Her ego is big enough as it is.”

At Gideon’s sharp look he stared innocently at her.

“Dr Nathan Stark,” the final man introduced himself, “I’ve read your papers on Artificial Intelligence.”

A cough made them all turn to the Sheriff, who was standing waiting to explain why everyone has been called.

“Carter,” Alison turned to the Sheriff, “What do you need?”

Jack turned his attention from looking annoyed at the new man to Alison, “We’re getting reports all over town of power outages. I checked with Henry and it’s not him.”

“That’s some police work there, Carter,” Stark stated.

Irritation covered Jack’s face, but he continued, “We’ve gone over the other options in town and it’s not connected to any of them. So, here I am.”

Alison held up her hand to stop Stark from retorting, “We will check the list of projects to see if there is anything that could be causing the outages.”

“What about my favourite place, Section 5?” Jack demanded.

“That’s classified, Carter,” Stark stated, “As you know.”

“And as you know,” Jack retorted, “It’s usually the cause of all the problems.”

Alison sighed in annoyance, “Section 5 projects will be included in my check. Why don’t we head to my office?”

*********************************************

Gideon was fascinated by Global Dynamics. Not the humans, who were arguing as humans usually did while her Captain was sitting watching, taking in the dynamics and relationships between the people in the room.

The interface her Captain was wearing which allowed her to be seen by the people in this world, had the excellent side-effect of allowing Gideon to interact with the computer systems of this world.

And the Global Dynamics computers were fascinating. None were as advanced as she was of course, but for the period they were in, advanced enough.

She hadn’t informed her Captain of her new abilities just yet; he might insist she not pry too much into the information she should not be privy to. Considering all the things he’d had her hack in the past though, he had no way to complain but she felt it best to keep this information to herself for the moment.

Accessing all the files for the people in the room, Gideon was impressed by Dr Blake. Smart and independent, she was raising her son alone who himself was different. Dr Deacon, Gideon already liked but seeing his file she was very impressed, and in another life, he would have been taken as a Time Master. Sheriff Carter was not as conventionally smart as the others, but he had his own kind of intelligence and his file showed how many times he had saved the town.

Finally, was Dr Stark, who Gideon didn’t like at all. Yes, he was smart but in this room that wasn’t unusual, but he believed himself smarter than everyone else. Gideon had seen that arrogance before in Thawne, in Druce and so many others.

He was the type of person who could so easily fall into supervillainy if the right, or wrong, type of dominoes fell. It looked however that the people in the room with him kept him on the right side, if only just.

Scanning the systems, Gideon checked for the power issues to help the Sheriff. Going through all the projects, she was impressed by some of the things the scientists were studying although others were laughable but that was humans, eternally optimistic.

Continuing her way through the systems, Gideon turned to Rip.

“I need to speak to you privately,” Gideon said to him softly.

Confused Rip touched the interface and turned it off before he moved to the other side of the office away from the others.

“What is it?” he asked softly so he wasn’t overheard.

“I have checked the projects within Global Dynamics, and nothing could cause the power outages Sheriff Carter is investigating,” Gideon told him.

Rip frowned, “How…”

“The interface Dr Deacon created allows me to access the computers,” Gideon smiled at him, “Quite interesting.”

Rolling his eyes, Rip noted, “But I’m guessing that is not what you wanted to tell me.”

“Astute as always, Captain,” Gideon replied before telling him, “The shard is in a laboratory in the area known as Section Five. It appears safe at the moment but accessing it may be difficult.”

“Wonderful,” Rip sighed.

Rip was surprised and extremely interested that Gideon could use the interface to access the computers, but it would likely be helpful to reach the shard. Henry motioned him to follow on as he and the Sheriff headed out the office.

“Well?” Rip asked Henry falling into step with the other two men.

“They’ll let us know,” Henry replied, as Jack let out an annoyed sigh.

They reached the exit and started to the cars. Glancing at Gideon, Rip shrugged, “It’s nothing in here that’s causing the power outages.”

Henry and Jack both stalled turning to Rip.

“How do you know that?” Jack demanded.

“Gideon,” Rip explained, “She had a quick check of the systems.”

Henry’s eyebrows rose in surprise, “The interface?”

“A small side-effect we didn’t expect,” Rip noted.

Jack chuckled, “Let’s not tell Alison or Stark about that but at least I won’t be wasting my time waiting for them.” He rested a hand on the top of his jeep, frowning in thought, “Okay, so there has to be a reason why the power in the town in going crazy.”

“Well, it has to be someone in town,” Henry noted, “But if it’s not a GD experiment, then it could be either an unsanctioned one or, even worse, a school project.”

Rip stared at them, “You’re kidding?”

Both men shook their heads, Jack adding, “I thought the same when I first came here but the kids are just as smart as the parents. Which means they can be just as much trouble.”

“Okay,” Henry said, “Let’s get back into town and make a plan.”

Jack nodded, “I’ll meet you both there.”

As the other man left, Henry and Rip climbed back into Henry’s truck. Rip reactivated the interface allowing Gideon to be seen by Henry once more.

“So,” Henry said as he began to drive, “Did you find anything else interesting while you wandered through the GD systems, Gideon?”

Innocence covered her face, “Why, Dr Deacon I am shocked you think I would look at things I am not authorised to access,” she told him.

A mischievous smile touched her lips making Henry laugh.

#fic #crossover #legends of tomorrow #rip hunter #gideon #eureka #henry deacon #Jack Carter #alison blake #nathan stark

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lingthusiasm · 5 years ago

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Transcript Episode 43: The grammar of singular they - Interview with Kirby Conrod

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 43: The grammar of singular they - Interview with Kirby Conrod. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 43 show notes page.

[Music]

Gretchen: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Gretchen McCulloch. I’m here with Dr Kirby Conrod who’s a linguist at the University of Washington. But first, some announcements. The LingComm grant is still open until June 1st. You should apply for that if you have a linguistics communication project that you think will helped by a bit of money and a bit of support. There’s more details for that on the website at lingcomm.org. That’s “comm” with two Ms as in “communication.” We’ll link to that in the description as well.

[Music]

Gretchen: Hello, Kirby! Welcome to the podcast.

Kirby: Good morning. Thank you for having me.

Gretchen: Thank you so much for coming. I wanna start with the first question that we ask all of our guests which is, how did you get interested in linguistics?

Kirby: I have to preface this by saying that I didn’t know I was going to major in linguistics when I went to my undergrad for my four-year college. I got into UC Santa Cruz. It was lower on the list, but I ended up having an amazing time. When I was applying to colleges from high school, I thought I wanted to be an English major. I got to UC Santa Cruz and I realised, “Oh, my gosh! You guys don’t have an English major.” It’s just not a program that they have. So, I was like, “Okay. Well, I’m gonna make my own English major out of spare parts.” What I did was I decided, “Okay. I’m gonna double-major in literature and linguistics and that will make an English major.” What ended up happening was I essentially made, somehow, the opposite of an English major. It really ended up being the absolute perfect thing for me.

What really cemented, like, linguistics is where I was going to stay for sure was my first syntax class in my first year of undergrad. The first day of class my professor, Jim McCloskey, walks into the class and says – and I’m a freshman. I’m a little baby at this point. He walks into the class and says, “This is probably the hardest class that this university offers. Please don’t take it for a grade.” I have to say it was good advice. It was very hard. Taking it pass/fail meant that I could really focus on what I was learning. This was a Syntax 1 class. Syntax is all about the idea that we can make an equation to put words together to produce only the real sentences of language and not the sentences that don’t happen in language. By the end of the quarter, you have a pretty good working model of what sentences can be. It’s not complete yet. It’s always an ongoing project.

The other thing that really drew me to linguistics was that my instructors in undergrad were always really honest about this, and I try to be really honest too, about this is not a solved problem. This happens constantly – now that I’m teaching Syntax 1 and I’m on the other side of the room – it happens constantly that students will ask me questions that the answers don’t exist yet. It’s not that the answers aren’t out there. It’s that we haven’t figured it out yet. This happens all the time. As a student, to me, that was really moving and exciting of feeling like I could contribute something. There’s a lot that needs to be contributed. In undergrad, my instructors were very upfront about this of undergrads can and do produce new knowledge in their linguistics classes. Sometimes, undergrads go to conferences, present their work, do original research. It happens because there’s just a lot of unexplored space.

Gretchen: This was something I found really exciting as an undergrad as well that I can be looking at things and no one else has looked at this.

Kirby: It’s really, really cool. It’s one of these things that it gives you goose bumps to be sitting in a class and realise if I have an idea of how to deal with this, then I’m the first person to have this idea. I don’t have to just go back into the literature and find So-and-So has already solved this problem. It’s a matter of I can solve this problem. That’s really, really compelling.

Gretchen: You don’t have to go through 200 years or 500 years or 1,000 years of intellectual tradition of “I need to learn this entire history” before I can possibly make any sort of contribution to this area. It’s like this is a young field and there’s still stuff to do that.

Kirby: It feels like a math class where math isn’t finished being invented.

Gretchen: I guess there are still mathematicians who are inventing math, but you have to have a PhD in math before you know what math hasn’t been done yet.

Kirby: Whereas, very much it is the case that Syntax 1 students will run into new math in terms of syntax. It’s really cool and compelling to me.

Gretchen: This gets us into the next question which is, how did you get into your current research topic? What was the new thing that you were trying to figure out?

Kirby: I got into my current research topic when I got to grad school. I already knew that I wanted to study syntax, so I was taking syntax classes. In my first year of grad school was the first year that I was out as nonbinary and asking people to call me “they” and really being a participant in the trans community. Most of my friends were trans. The nonbinary stuff and the grad school in linguistics happened to me at the same time.

What this meant was I was sitting in semantics or syntax classes and reading stuff in our textbooks about pronouns that I could just say, “Well, that’s factually wrong. That’s descriptively just not what happens.” The reason that I knew this was that I was in this situation where being very newly out as nonbinary and being very newly asking people to use these pronouns, it was the situation where people would use just sort of random pronouns about me. I got the full spread of the three big ones of people would call me “he” or “she” or “they” sort of at random.

The other thing is that people would switch pronouns in the middle of the conversation and not necessarily notice it. Or I would constantly be having a conversation where one speaker – talking about the same person – one speaker is using one set of pronouns and the other speaker is using the other set of pronouns. None of this is something that can be adequately described in your grad school semantics or syntax textbook. What you’re going to see is something like, “Mary likes himself,” marked as ungrammatical. They’re gonna put the star on it and they’re gonna say, “This doesn’t happen.” As a trans person and as somebody with ears, I could just factually say that’s not true.

Gretchen: Because people are saying sentences like this all the time.

Kirby: People are saying sentences like this all the time. One of the things where I had this perspective that previous linguists had not had. So, I was really pulled to say I want syntax and semantics and sociolinguistics – I really want us to be able to explain this. Our theory is inadequate if we are throwing out data. This is something where the only time I would see this mentioned would be in footnotes of like, “Well, that’s not really relevant.” I was really pulled to say that is relevant. It’s relevant to me every day. I can’t get away from it. I came in knowing that I liked syntax first and being pulled towards thinking about gender and pronouns second because it was this apparently over-simplified area that left a lot of questions unanswered for me.

Gretchen: You’re like, “Look! I have this data and our current theory doesn’t account for that.”

Kirby: Exactly. That’s the thing that all syntacticians are doing all the time. It’s why we get really rowdy when you get a bunch of them in a room is because we all feel that excitement of there’s something that you can’t explain. You’ve given me an explanation that doesn’t explain everything. I have to make sure that people know about this.

Gretchen: And this idea that syntax should also be taking into consideration the variation in terms of how people use language and how different groups of people use language and learning from sociolinguistics about addressing these types of things better.

Kirby: Yeah. This is something where at my graduate institution where I got my PhD there is a lot of sociolinguistics. There is several sociolinguistic faculty. We have a lab. In my undergrad, we didn’t have sociolinguistics as a focus. We didn’t have any sociolinguistics faculty. It was very new to me. I was really excited by it because it feels like, yes, here’s all the complexity and diversity that my experience as a language user tells me it’s out there. Here's a way of thinking about it. As a syntactician, I’m really interested in incorporating the stuff that people are doing socially with language because I think if we’re building our model, our algorithm, of what are possible things to do, it is a little bit dishonest to be like, “Oh, but if you have this certain dialect, that’s a different thing and we’re just gonna ignore that data.” That feels a little dishonest. Then, the other thing is that it’s not the case that anybody speaks just one exact English. Everybody has some level of variation or multi-lectalism or your big box of forms that you have as an option.

Gretchen: I like to say that people talk differently to your boss than you do to your dog.

Kirby: Yeah. If I’m building a model that’s supposed to generate all the sentences, I wanna generate all the sentences. That includes ways of thinking about how you talk to your boss or your dog. For pronouns, this is so important because it does apparently seem to have grammatical consequences. It’s not just, “Oh, well, we’ll make the syntax part of it a little more vague and underspecified,” because there’re syntactic consequences where stuff has to agree with itself. If you use a pronoun in a sentence and then you’re gonna use another pronoun later, the rules are different than if you use a name and then use a pronoun later. The example I gave you of “Mary likes himself” where I said it sort of depends – I do hear people using pronouns in this way where it doesn’t seem to be totally linked to the name itself. A name is something that it really depends on who we’re thinking about in our mind. For example, my friend Rory who uses both “he” and “they,” you can say, “Rory likes themself,” and you can say, “Rory likes himself.” Those are both fine. Neither of them is misgendering them. But if I’m talking about Rory, even if we know that I’m talking about the same person – especially if we know that I’m talking about the same person – I can’t say, “He likes themself.”

Gretchen: Right. Because even though this person uses these two different pronouns, that makes it sound like you’re referring to two different people in the context of that one sentence.

Kirby: If I hold your head down and force you to say, “It’s the same person,” if I – like in my example – I’m like, “Okay. I put the little numbers on it to say I’m really talking about Rory both times,” then you’re gonna start saying, “Well, it’s ungrammatical. It’s weird to say this.” The rules seem to be really different for matching names and pronouns versus matching pronouns on pronouns, which indicates to me that there is something going on in the grammar itself, in the syntax part of it, and it’s not just social knowledge. It really has to be both parts of the puzzle to think about how we can explain what people are doing but also what people don’t do.

Gretchen: Because even within this “Oh, you have more options,” that doesn’t mean you have all of the possible hypothetical options.

Kirby: Yeah.

Gretchen: But you could do something like switching from one sentence to the next. Is that something people do? Like, “They like themself and he’s a good musician” or something like this.

Kirby: Yes. This is something where people do it about cis people – about not nonbinary people too. This is something where I noticed it in undergrad, actually. A friend of mine was telling us he had gone on a hot date last night. We knew what kind of gender that he was dating. So, it wasn’t that we didn’t know the likely gender of who he was talking about. But he was telling us the story about this hot date using “they” the whole time and saying, “Oh, yeah, they picked me up. They were driving this beautiful car” and stuff like this. Then, a ways into the story he started using “he” for a while, while talking about getting drinks at the bar of like, “Oh, he bought me this beautiful cocktail.” At the end of the story, he switched back to “they” of like, “I don’t know if I’m gonna text them again.”

Gretchen: Interesting. Like, as this person was getting more intimate in the story with this person they’re switching to a more, I guess, specific gender in this context. Then, when they’re saying, “Oh, I’m not sure if I’m gonna talk to them again” –

Kirby: This is something where it’s not the case that my friend’s date uses two sets of pronouns necessarily. The thing about “they” in particular is that it doesn’t tell you anything about the gender. It can imply things, but it can’t specifically tell you things. People have the option to use “they” pretty much all the time. People do use it to give you a little more detail and a little less detail. When they’re giving you more detail, sometimes that can give you additional of meaning of like, “I want you to know this is an important part of the kind of relationship that I’m talking about.” When they give you a little bit less detail, sometimes it’s like, “Well, gender’s kind of not relevant for this part. This is the part where I don’t think it’s important to talk about the specific gender of the person.”

It’s not that the gender stopped existing. It’s just that we have this option of turning the dial up of how much we wanna include. This opportunity to switch and change pronouns in some contexts but not others is something that also brought up a bunch of questions for me as a student in graduate school learning about sociolinguistics because the other thing is that sociolinguists talk about gender, but they talk about it in the very binary way – or up until a certain point. They’re starting to really grapple with this.

Reading my Sociolinguistics 1 and 2 papers, there’s a lot of, “Men do this, and women do this.” Or “Men mostly do this, and women mostly do this.” No mention of nonbinary people. For one thing, they did not include any in the study. For another thing, many of the authors of early sociolinguistics work just didn’t really have access to LGBT communities in the 60s and 70s. Or it was really separated from mainstream communities in a way that made it hard to compare directly. Reading these studies as an early student of sociolinguistics and being nonbinary in my first and second year of grad school, saying, “None of this applies to me. You can’t explain anything I do under this model” and really feeling like we have to develop the theory to be able to explain everything that’s happening not just the stuff that we don’t decide is weird.

Gretchen: Exactly. What’s the point in having a theory if you’re saying we’re only gonna try to explain some of this data and just ignore a whole bunch that doesn’t fit with the theory?

Kirby: My motivation for pursuing my work in pronouns, and especially my work with nonbinary and trans pronouns, has been all about answering those questions that came up for me very early in my graduate school and saying I think our way of doing this is not sophisticated enough. I really want to push us further.

Gretchen: What are some answers or glimmerings towards answers that you’ve ended up with?

Kirby: One of the things that I’m trying to discuss with people is that there’re a bunch of other kinds of pronouns in languages besides English, and English has had these in the past, but pronouns that encode this very social information in the way that gender is and still have grammatical consequences. We’ve just been not using this model to explain what’s going on with gender.

Gretchen: Things like formal versus informal “you” and these kinds of things?

Kirby: Exactly. One of the things that I’ve come up with is if we think of this existing thing, and there’s some really great research in Spanish of Latin America where people will switch between “tu” and “usted” and “voseo” – “tu” being the informal “you,” and “usted” being a formal “you,” and “voseo” is a form of the verb agreement. The verbs will change depending on the forms. There’s some great work within the last few years about, yeah, people totally switch in the middle of the conversation and they totally switch in the middle of the conversation as a way of accomplishing certain social goals.

This example given by Raymond 2016 where a 911 caller – he’s a tourist. He’s speaking Spanish and he’s calling and talking to the 911 dispatcher. At the beginning of the conversation, he’s trying to say, “I got scammed at this hotel.” He’s very indignant. He’s using “tu” to the dispatcher as a way of interacting of like, “You are a service person” in the way that you speak down to or, if you’re rude, you speak down to people who are providing you a service in certain ways.

Gretchen: Kind of registering his anger by not being polite.

Kirby: Yeah. Later in the conversation, when she’s starting to ask for paperwork or receipts or stuff and he’s starting to get nervous, he switches to the “usted” forms because – so Raymond conceptualises that the reason for this is that he now sees her as a gatekeeper to something that he wants. Now, he has to appease her rather than talk down to her. This is the thing of this all happens with gender too. It’s a little bit more abstract because the social relationships that we’re talking about are not up or down. You can map them onto hierarchies, but they don’t cleanly follow. Thinking about systems that refer to people’s gender, and especially systems that encode people’s gender directly into the grammar in some way, as more similar to systems that encode formality or honorific marking is a really useful model. It’s a really good way of getting away from the rigid binary models that we’ve looked at before.

Gretchen: Because the idea is that honorifics, everyone knows that they change in a given social interaction and people can switch to using a different form of “you” to address somebody or a different form of even “I” – like Japanese has all these different forms of “I” depending on how polite you wanna be.

Kirby: And depending on gender and depending on specific age – yeah. There’s a lot of rich expressive content there. Basically, the idea that comes out of my research is that you can use gender features – and I’m doing air quotes, “gender features” – where you can use pronouns in English but you can also use other parts of speech that are more grammatical to do that work via gender marking.

Gretchen: What’s an example of that?

Kirby: I’m gonna give you an example from Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

Gretchen: Excellent.

Kirby: This was very early on in a season. A contestant is not doing well. This is the contestant who is actually eliminated first. Have you watched Ru Paul’s Drag Race?

Gretchen: I may have seen an episode at some point but I’m not particularly familiar, so you should proceed as though I know nothing.

Kirby: One of things you’ll notice when you watch the show is that the contestants and the judges mostly use “she” for the contestants who are all drag queens but not always. It depends on how they feel about a particular queen.

What you see with this contestant who’s getting eliminated very early in the season, the lead up to her elimination is the usual reality TV of they do confessional shots where they’re talking about each other and then the judges are talking shit about contestants in the way that one does on reality TV. The contestant who’s going to get eliminated – I mean, they set this up pretty clearly. They’re going to eliminate her at the end of the episode. They talk a lot about how she is struggling with the performance. She’s not doing a good job with her costume construction or deciding how to do the performing art of drag. When they’re talking about her in her way of not being a good performer, they use “he.”

Gretchen: Okay. Like, “You’re not performing femininity well, so we’re not gonna use this pronoun”?

Kirby: It’s not exactly about not performing femininity well because none of them talk about her not being convincing as a drag queen. They’re mostly talking about her not being skilled as a drag queen. If you think about it as a type of performing art in the same way that opera or ballet or river dancing are all specific types of performing art that you can be good or bad at – and the specific thing about drag performance is that if you are good or bad at the specific performing art, you get different pronouns.

This contestant was not less feminine than the other drag queens. It’s that she was not good at dancing, which this is conceptually a little bit further away from she’s not very feminine. That was not the issue. It was not the issue that any of the judges or other contestants were talking about. They were talking about, you know, “She’s not good at dancing,” or “She’s not good at organising her time so she has enough time in the time period to construct a good costume out of garbage,” or whatever the reality TV challenge is – the thing of there’s always a time limit. Part of the thing of succeeding at the time limit is budgeting your time. If you’re not good at that, then you’re gonna do poorly in the contest.

Gretchen: That’s not really gender.

Kirby: It’s not gender. But using “he” as a way of layering meaning on top of that – and they didn’t call her “he” the whole episode. They did it only when they were specifically talking about her poor performance.

Gretchen: Interesting. So, it’s accomplishing this very specific sub-goal.

Kirby: Yes. This is obviously a very locally constrained use of that meaning, but it’s very productive – meaning that people can use those meanings to accomplish a lot of different goals and they can do it without really thinking about it. They can extend the meaning and be very creative with it. This is the thing that really, to me, indicates these are up for meaning making in the same way that “tu” and “usted” are up for meaning making which is sometimes “tu” and “usted” mean “I’m older and more senior than you,” but sometimes, they mean “I need something from you.

Gretchen: There’s this incredibly complicated flow chart about when to use “tu” versus “vous” in French. One of the questions is like, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” and if you’re feeling lucky, you use “tu,” and if you’re not feeling lucky, you use “vous.” Sometimes, these decisions are microsocial decisions in a particular instance where you’re saying, “Here’s what I’m doing kind of.”

Kirby: Essentially, my contribution here is saying that that flow chart of “Are you feeling lucky, punk?” and a lot of microsocial decisions applies just as well to gender as it applies to formal pronouns. What this does is it means that we can conceptualise pronouns as more similar cross-linguistically rather than more different. This is a hard project because it doesn’t look like pronouns are a natural class – meaning that they’re not made out of the same stuff in every language. Languages generally need pronouns as a way to avoid saying the same name over and over again. What this ends up doing is encoding social information to varying degrees.

Gretchen: There are lots of languages that don’t have gender in pronouns at all.

Kirby: The majority of the world’s languages have no gender marking on their pronouns. The “he/she” thing in English, we’re in a minority position here.

Gretchen: It’s this weird artificial thing of Indo-European languages often have gender pronouns, but outside of Europe, very few languages do.

Kirby: If you’re gonna only compare cousins and then say that you found a fact about all humans, you have a pretty serious confound there in that they are related.

Gretchen: It turns out all humans have red hair.

Kirby: Yeah. Because I looked at all the Weasleys and they all have red hair and so all humans have red hair. It’s nonsensical to do that kind of comparison and only look at Indo-European languages because they are related. You are going to get some factors that there’s no reason to assume that’s universal.

Gretchen: You’ve done surveys of how English speakers use pronouns has been changing demographically as well – like by age.

Kirby: Yes. When I’ve been doing these surveys, my biggest survey was looking at “singular they.” Singular they has been in English for hundreds of years. There’s lots of work on this.

Gretchen: It’s in Shakespeare. It’s in Chaucer. All of this stuff.

Kirby: It’s been around. But the kind of singular they that’s been around is not the kind that I use as a nonbinary person. The different kinds of singular they are something like, okay, “Someone forgot their backpack.”

Gretchen: You don’t know whose backpack it is.

Kirby: Or “Each linguist should grab their nametag.”

Gretchen: I think the example from Shakespeare is, “There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me as if were their well-acquainted friend.” Here, it’s interesting because you have “man” there, but he’s clearly this man in a somewhat generic sense and using the “they” there rather than, “There’s not a man I meet but does salute me as if I were his well-acquainted friend,” which would be more this specific “men.”

Kirby: This is interesting because you’ll also see sentences like, “Pregnant women should always be given their parental leave.” We’re definitely talking about women, so it’s not the case that it’s just like, “Oh, well, Shakespeare thinks that man is the default kind of person.” No. It’s also the case that you’ll see that kind of generic singular they with “woman,” but the thing is that we’re talking about a set of people. We’re talking about a bunch of people in a group and then saying each one does their thing, which is different than talking about a specific person.

The new use is something like, “Kirby forgot their backpack.” I’m a singular they user, meaning that I don’t want to be referred to by “he” or “she” or anything else. I want to be referred to by “they.” It is also the case that this can happen whether or not we’re talking about someone who prefers that. Using “they” about a particular person is syntactically different than using “they” about a group of people that is singular because I’m talking about each one individually. So, “Each student forgot their backpack” is different than “Kirby forgot their backpack.” “Kirby” is a specific person.

Gretchen: Right. We can point to that person. “Each person forgot their backpack” is, if I’m pointing to each person, I have to do a bunch of different pointing.

Kirby: Yes. When I did my big survey, what I found was that use of the specific one – and I tested it by using names. I actually tested it using a bunch of different gendered names and I compared it with other pronouns as well. I did masculine and feminine and gender-neutral names with “they” – singular – and “he” and “she” to just see if there’s a difference. What I found was that there is a difference, but not for everybody. Older speakers do find it a little bit less natural sounding when I use a name and singular they. It’s different than when I use a name and “he” or “she.” Younger speakers – and the age cut off is around 35, basically millennials on down – younger speakers really don’t have a problem with it en masse. Most of them find it fine and they’ll rate it as “This is just a normal sentence.” Obviously, there are individual people who are like, “No. That sounds weird to me.” But it’s not as many. When you chart it all out, it really looks like there’s a slope that, as you look at older people, they have a harder time accepting that as part of the grammar or part of their unconscious syntax.

Gretchen: Is this a thing that some older people are managing to do it, it depends on how queer friends they have? Or is it like a –

Kirby: The studies on this are very new. To sort of triangulate across my research and some of Lauren Ackerman’s and some of Evan Bradley’s, it looks like, in general, if you have more nonbinary friends then you’re better with singular they. That makes sense. That’s Lauren Ackerman’s study. In general, if you are trans or nonbinary yourself, you’re better with singular they. Binary trans men and women are, in general, better with singular they than cis people in general. Nonbinary people are sort of obviously fine with it.

Gretchen: Like, “Oh, look! I do this myself, so I guess I better practice it a lot” or whatever.

Kirby: The other thing that influences it then – I’m talking about three different studies. We haven’t combined forces yet. This is all stuff that’s been published within the last two years. It’s very, very fresh off the presses.

Gretchen: This is cutting-edge linguistic research.

Kirby: It’s extremely cutting edge. Lauren Ackerman’s stuff is saying if you have more nonbinary friends, you’re better with singular they. I can say, “Okay. If you’re younger and/or trans and/or nonbinary yourself, you’re better with singular they.” Evan Bradley has been looking at people’s feelings about prescriptivism and feelings about gender ideology. People who have more prescriptive opinions in general are worse with singular they. Also, people who have – this is what he calls “benevolent sexism,” which is not “Oh, I hate women and I’m gonna oppress them” –

Gretchen: It’s like, “I’m gonna hold open the door for all the women.”

Kirby: Yeah. Benevolent sexism is sort of “I think that people of different sexes have fundamental differences and different needs based on their sex.” If you have that benevolent sexism, you’re more likely to be worse at singular they. It’s related to this idea that there are binary baseline categories of people.

Gretchen: I found for me that acquiring singular they, which I feel like I’ve done in the past couple years because I know more nonbinary and agender people who use singular they as a pronoun, and at first it took a conscious thought, which is kind of like acquiring a language but in an easier way. I also have to do this conscious thought when I’m speaking French and I’m figuring out am I using “tu” or “vous” or am I doing this thing in French. It takes a bit off extra thought, but it doesn’t mean that adults can’t acquire a language because adults clearly do learn languages. This is not learning an entire language. It’s doing something like that, but I think I had to believe that it was worth doing this additional bit of conscious effort in order to actually do it.

Kirby: Yes. All the singular they researchers agree that the next step is figuring out, what is the factor that makes it easier for some people to learn it and not for other people? You’re not the first person that I’ve talked to who has said, “Yeah. I’ve learned it in the past couple years” or “I’ve made an effort to learn it.” I also have people who have said, “I just kind of picked it up from around me,” but as an adult. Not something where the Zoomers – the very young Gen Z people – who are coming into my freshman classes with singular they already. They’re acquiring it as children. They don’t have to do any work. They already have it.

It is the case that some adults seem to be able to acquire it on purpose, and some adults seem to want to acquire it but really can’t, or they report significant difficulty. You will get people – and it doesn’t seem to be correlated with age. We need to do studies about this. We haven’t done it yet because we all need some resources to be able to do that. But there are people who say, “I’m really trying to learn singular they, but I mess up often.” Well, people will frequently under-report how much they mess up. You will frequently say – if you look at somebody who is saying, “I’m trying to do better but I do make mistakes” – they’ll usually say, “Yeah. I make one or two mistakes.” Then, you’ll actually look at what they’ve said, and they mess up almost constantly. We don’t really know yet what the issue is that makes it easier for some people to learn it.

Gretchen: Or something like intimacy? I notice this on the internet especially because you don’t have as many cues on the internet. Oftentimes, if you’re referring to a commenter above you in a thread and all you know is that the commenter’s initials are J.D. or something, you really have no information about this commenter, people will often use “they” to refer to the previous commenter. Whereas, if somebody knows me, one of the ways that I can tell that they know me is that they’re actually using “she/her” for me as opposed to using the generic “they” of the comment thread. It maybe signals a kind of intimacy.

Kirby: This is something that Leah Velleman has talked about – I cite her in my dissertation because it’s a great idea – something called “distal they,” where it’s a use of singular they that ends up implying social distance, essentially what you explained of like, “Well, if they knew me, they would be using a more specific form.”

It’s in the same way that using someone’s name, and especially first name, implies familiarity. It’s not necessarily that a first name has some sort of grammatical feature of familiarity. It’s just that it implies that you have enough social contact to know their first name, also they’re not gonna get mad at you for using it and this sort of thing. That way of using “they” to mark social distance or social closeness, if you have an option of a more specific pronoun, is something that falls out of how specific and how much information am I giving you about this person’s social position. I assume if it were relevant or if you had more information, you would be giving me more information, and if you had less information, that might be why you’re using this underspecified, vague form.

Gretchen: We’ve talked about people acquiring singular they very consciously and putting in this effort to do that. Did you also study why people are putting in this effort to organise their syntax? People don’t do this all the time.

Kirby: I’m gonna do a rude thing to you. You told me that this is something that you have learned on purpose. You made an effort to learn it. Why did you do that?

Gretchen: I mean, it seemed like the polite thing to do – the “being a considerate human” thing to do. If someone says, “Please, call me this,” then I either need to do that or I need to accept this person’s not gonna like me anymore.

Kirby: That’s the motivation. As far as I can tell you, and I haven’t yet gotten into the formal research, but it seems like – people volunteer the information to me pretty frequently – that the reason somebody would decide to change their grammar on purpose is to avoid doing this thing that’s baked into their grammar that ends up being very rude. Misgendering somebody is very rude. It is rude whether you do it to a trans person or a cis person. It just so happens that it happens to trans people a lot more often.

You’re asking me, why are people acquiring this? And the answer that you had given me yourself is, “I don’t wanna misgender people. It’s rude.” It’s rude to call somebody by the wrong name. It’s rude to just decide to give somebody a name that they don’t identify with. I think that a lot of people can say, if you just come up to me and say, “Hey, I’m gonna call you ‘Champ,’” maybe I don’t want you to call me “Champ,” actually. Maybe I don’t like to be called “Champ.” People really don’t like that feeling of being called something that doesn’t reflect what you think you are. If you know any nonbinary people, you have this motivation to not misgender them.

A really sweet story that I can share, when my friend changed their pronouns to “they,” one of the things that their cis friends did was they decided, “Okay. We’re gonna hang out” – they all lived together. They were all roommates. “We’re gonna hang out today. We’re gonna all clean the house. We’re gonna talk about them all day and tell stories about them to practice – to practice where they don’t have to hear us mess up.”

Gretchen: Oh, nice. The friend wasn’t there. It was just all of their cis friends saying, “We’re gonna practice.”

Kirby: Yeah. This friend came back – came over the next week – and everybody was already perfect at it because they had dedicated an eight-hour day of just doing that and correcting each other and getting the practice out of the way before it’s gonna hurt somebody’s feelings. That practice phase is something that’s really useful. Asking a bunch of friends to spend eight hours cleaning is something that not everybody has time to do.

The other thing that you can do is something like tell a story about the person and encourage yourself to practice self-correcting because it’s in this way where you’re doing it not in front of them, so you can get all your mistakes out of your system not in front of them. You’re not asking the person to do the emotional labour of correcting you every time. You’re just doing it out of the way, so they don’t have to be on your case.

Gretchen: The social awkwardness of like, “Oh, do I speak up and then make this conversation about that or do I let it slide?” But then maybe they’ll keep doing it, and this is something that’s hurtful.

Kirby: You can do that work without burdening the person because, okay, for my example, if I spent as much time in the beginning of my transition and grad school at the same time, I spent a lot of time correcting people and sending emails and really insisting. It took up a lot of time. I have to do it –

Gretchen: You’re trying to do a whole bunch of other stuff as well.

Kirby: Also, I was in grad school. I was very busy. I had to do this with everybody. If people took it upon themselves to get good it on their own, that was one fewer of my friends and family that I had to worry about tutoring. My sister just did it on her own and practiced and doesn’t mess up in front of me. It’s fine. It means that I never have to put my mental time and budget for correcting.

Gretchen: I think there are a lot of tips that people can have of, “Oh, this does seem like a thing that I wanna do of like I do wanna respect people and I do wanna not hurt people,” but you’re the individual pieces of that. And you’re putting together a guide?

Kirby: It’s not just me. I am absolutely indebted to the work of Bronwyn Bjorkman and Lex Konnelly who put together the They 2019 conference, which was a linguistics conference and was focused completely on nonbinary and trans pronoun use. One of the outputs of this conference is that everybody who attends is collaborating on materials and ways that we’re going to share our research findings for people to use in their real lives.

We are putting together brochures of – how do you practice? How do you learn? How can you help people? These are something that we’re trying to make very accessible and trying to make it very straightforward and shame free and all about allowing people to decide what they want to accomplish with their grammar because deciding to acquire a grammatical feature on purpose is making the decision that you’re gonna rewrite something totally unconscious as a way to stop hurting people. That takes work. But even making the decision in the first place is really important.

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Gretchen: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on iTunes, Google Play Music, SoundCloud, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get IPA scarves and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. Lauren tweets and blogs as Superlinguo. I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book is Because Internet. You can follow Kirby Conrod, our guest, on Twitter as @kirbyconrod.

To listen to bonus episodes and help keep the show ad-free, go to patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Current bonus topics include teaching advice for linguistics and a very special episode of Lingthusiasm written by robots. Can’t afford to pledge? That’s okay, too. We also really appreciate if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life. Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our senior producer is Claire Gawne, and our editorial producer is Sarah Dopierala, and our music is by The Triangles. I will leave you with our guest.

Kirby: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

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